#sweet pea anxiety imagine

[milkywaydrabbles]

Number 15 for Alucard, it'd be so cute!

A/N: I don't think this is the fluff you were expecting LOL I promise it's a happy ending but the angst took over. In case you (or anyone else) was wondering the song is Cherry Wine by Hozier (i'm in my feels right now about this man I'm sorry) Anyways I hope you like it mwuaaah

"Sing to me again" x Alucard

Fight.

Attack.

Defend.

Alucard couldn’t think of anything except you and the baby while he was on the front line. The village had been so peaceful, for long he nearly forgot there were still monsters crawling around in the world. The stragglers that had grown stronger, the ones who persevered throughout the days, weeks, months. The stragglers that had already killed some of the makeshift infantrymen, the ones who have had nothing but time on their hands and are so hungry they see red. The stragglers that had Alucard running out to defend the village while you stay hidden away deep in the castle, barricaded and locked behind the safety of your shared home. They were evolved, instantly locking onto the dhampir who was the strongest amongst the men, bloodied grins widening: teeth sharp as blades that could tear through muscle and sinew with ease.  Alucard steadied himself, gripping a little tighter onto his shield and sword, kissing its hilt and imagining your sweet face, the sweet face of his newborn daughter, and lunged.

-

You were frantic, trying so hard to stay calm if only for your energy not to be poured into the babe huffing and crying in your arms. You’d been trying to put her to bed, but how could she? How could she sleep when she felt your panic, your anxiety pulsing into the very air she breathed in? How could she sleep when your soothing rocking was more jarring than anything, your voice shaky as you shushed her? How could you ever expect her to calm her sorrows when, if you tried hard enough, you heard the incessant howls and screeches from the deadly monsters outside castle walls.  You prayed, you prayed to all the deities and gods that could ever possibly exist to bring your Adrian back home. You’d never worry like this, he’s so strong, fending off the monsters with ease. But you’d never seen him so nervous like this either: having the heavy knocks of men on the castle doors begging for saving. The sheer strength of the creatures overwhelming them. 

What felt like days passed, it could have been a few minutes, it could have been a few hours. You’re not sure, you and your daughter going in and out of sleep, waking at every creak and bang that was heard. You shushed and cooed, steadying yourself the best you could to maybe sing a lullaby to your darling girl. “Shh, shh, I know sweet pea--I miss him too. But he’ll be safe, he’ll come back..” You whispered, kissing her forehead as a tiny hand balled into a fist rubbed at scrunched up eyes. 

Her eyes and words are so icy oh, but she burns like rum on the fire. Hot and fast and angry as she can be, I walk my days on a wire. 

It looks ugly, but it’s clean, oh momma don’t fuss over me.

Way she tells me I’m hers, and she’s mine. Open hand or closed fist, would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

The cries lulled to a few whines and whimpers, holding her to your chest as you continued your hushed tones.

Calls of guilty thrown at me, all while she stains the sheets of some other. Thrown at me so powerfully just like, she throws the arm of her brother.

But I want it, it’s a crime, that she’s not around most of the time.

Way she tells me I’m hers, and she’s mine. Open hand or closed fist, would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

Singing has calmed you enough to keep a gentle bounce, baby slowly falling asleep in your arms. You internally sighed, thankful that at least the immediate worry of your child has been quelled. 

Now all you can do is wait for your beloved.

-

Alucard ended the life of the final monster, hearing the victorious cries and hollers of the villagemen around him. He was grateful the battle had ended, retreating quickly to your shared home, finally able to hold you in his arms. Slowly, he opened the doors, knowing any sudden movements could stir his (hopefully) sleeping baby girl. He didn’t want to increase your stress, already guilty that he had to leave you in disarray. He made his way to the room he’d left you in, sure you’d still be in there: the nursery. The very nursery that you two built with your own hands, right next to his old bedroom.

Just like Vlad and Lisa.

 As Alucard got closer, he heard small hiccups and babbles from his daughter, along with the soft singing coming from you. He recognized the song, a song you’d often sing to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. The same song you’d sing into his hair when he was half asleep. He pressed the door open, his heart stopping at the very sight of you whispering the song into your daughter’s fluffy mess of a head, eyes closed. You hadn’t noticed him, and he was grateful. He wanted to just take in the moment, all panic and anxiety of constantly thinking that something might have happened, that something might have gotten through the castle, all quelled the moment he saw you both. 

He let you finish, giving you a moment before softly knocking on the door, your eyes darting to him immediately, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. “Adrian..” You whispered, voice heavy. He crossed the threshold, kneeling at your feet and holding you both without disturbing the sweet babe. “Oh thank god you’re safe.” You did your best not to cry, you really did, not realizing just how scared you were for his safety. But he was alive and well and back in your arms. “I’m here now, love, I’ll keep you both safe always.” He whispered into your hair, looking down at his baby with adoration. 

“I heard you singing, love.” You hummed, calm enough now to put your girl down in her crib. The moment you sat back down though, Alucard’s head rested on your lap, hugging at your legs. You pet his hair, combing your fingers through the blond tresses. You hummed the melody of the song to him as his eyes fluttered close, breathing even. By the end you’d thought he’d already falling asleep, instead he spoke a whisper: “My darling, will you sing to me again?” Your heart clenched, and with a smile you responded:

“As long as you keep coming home to us, I’ll sing to you every day.”

[k-marzolf]

We became violence.

Friends to lovers, domestic violence, mentions of cheating (reader’s ex), protective!Billy, kissing, language, fem!reader.

Imagine Being Loved By Me.

377 words.

x

You wrung your hands, standing at his door, cold from the blowing snow outside. “Who hurt you?” Billy asked, roughly, eyes narrowing at how you shook. At how timid you were, how you flinched at his tone.

“My ex, he—“ You bit your lip, trying to breathe through the fear and anxiety. Your father set the precedent for every man you’d ever love. You’d been young when he divorced your mother, but the damage had been done by eight years old.

You couldn’t find the words to tell Billy.

His fingers curled around your fingers sighing at how icy your fingers were. He wondered if you had walked here, and how long you’d been out in the cold.

He pulled you down the hall into his bedroom, and pulled his duvet back, “Get warm.” He said, tone leaving no room for argument. Your heart warmed at his care for you, and you crawled in shivering, and only then did he see the bruise on your cheek, making it swollen.

Anger simmered underneath the calm exterior that someone would touch you, lay a hand on you.

Billy kissed your mouth, tucking you in. “You never haveta be afraid again.” He hummed, stroking your hair.

“What are you going to do to him?” You murmured, sleepily.

“I’ll break his fingers for touching you. And his cock for dipping where he shouldn’t when you were together.” Billy said calmly, eyes like pits, intense.

Your Marine, as your mother always said, noticed the way you and Billy danced around each other.

Marine Force Recon, scout sniper specialist, 134 confirmed kills. And your best friend.

“I love you.” You told him, softly.

He kissed you hard on the mouth, fingers tangled in your hair. “I’ll be back, sweet pea.” He husked, before straightening up, and moving to leave.

Your eyes fluttered, reaching for him and grasping his sweater. He smiled indulgently, pulling your fingers away, and turning and leaving. Your tongue was too thick to beg him to stay. It was Billy, it would always be your best friend that you loved.

And you weren’t sorry for it, you thought drifting off, peaceful and warm. A relief your ex would suffer, in the same way he’d made you suffer for two years.

Tags; @idaofinfinity @e-dubbc11 @rosaleenablack @firexfate @aoi-targaryen

[wrathofrats]

⁾“why don’t we film it?” With pebble and ivy? I love how you write them, bonus points if they get mount involved in one way or another

I had a bit too much fun with this and it easily could’ve been 2k if I didn’t force myself to make it short. Also ur such a sweetheart I’m so glad you love them as much as I do

Anyways, pebble buys Ivy a toy that’s as big as mountain, and films him fucking himself with it for the big guy <3

“Its a bit big dont you think?” Ivy muttered, staring at the toy pebble had taken out. It was a simple navy blue dildo, around 10 inches in length and he could barely wrap his hand around it.

“Youll be ok honeysuckle, said you wanted to take him right?” Pebble sat between his legs, rubbing his hand along his thighs to comfort him through the anxiety.

“Yeah but-“

“Well that’s about accurate”

Ivy bit his lip in consideration, stroking the silicone in an effort to adjust himself to the thought of having something so large in him. The idea alone was mouth watering, at least when it was whispered in his ear as pebble fucked him, but seeing it in front of him? That was a different story.

“Imagine mountains face when I get to brag about you fucking yourself with your new toy just to prepare for him” pebble smiles, leaning down to give Ivy a small kiss in an attempt to ease his worries.

“You’re gonna tell him?”

“Of course, I’ll take any excuse to talk about you, especially if I get to show you off”

Ivy blushes, looking back down. It’s always endearing to pebble how shy he gets when he’s treated so sweetly, even though pebble takes any opportunity to spoil him, it never gets old.

“Show me off?” Ivy asks, confusion in his voice.

“Thought we could film it, send it to him, get him real worked up” pebble explains, “save a copy for myself for when you’re not around” a small noise comes from ivys throat at the implication. He should be used to pebble saying such things, but they never fail to daze him.

“Just me?” Ivy asks

“Just you, but say the word and we will stop, I want you to be comfortable”

He nods and pebble slides off the bed to grab his phone while Ivy undresses himself. Instinctually he holds his legs close to him, hands in his lap to cover himself as pebble decides what position he wants to film him in.

“So I just ..”

“Touch yourself like I’d touch you sweet pea, stretch yourself out”

Ivy hesitates, swallowing thickly as he stares at the phone in pebbles hand. His thighs move apart just enough for him to slide his hand down between them to tease at his hole, rubbing one finger around the rim as it twitches.

“Open those pretty legs, wanna see you properly”

He opens his thighs a bit wider, ever obedient. One knee hiked up for better access, the other moved to the side for pebble to capture on his phone. Ivy inserts a finger into himself, sliding it in and out with ease before nestling a second one beside it.

It’s only a slight stretch. Pebbles fingers are thicker than his, a bit shorter but open him up nicely. He tries to think of pebbles hands working him open as he fingers himself, scissoring and curling them deep for a bit of stimulation to keep his brain buzzing.

His cock lays on his stomach, leaking pre cum down his stomach. Cute and flushed, angry red at the tip. He's always been a bit easy, much to his dismay. Just seeing pebble palm himself through his pants at the sight of him touching himself.

A third finger fits snuggly next to the other two, a slight burn but otherwise nice stretch that has him keening into his unoccupied arm.

“Let him hear how pretty you sound” pebble speaks again after a while of just watching. Ivy obeys, taking his arm away as another whimper escapes his mouth. He gets more desperate with every pump of his fingers, each pass making him debate shoving the toy inside him already even if he’s not prepared.

“Can I have it now? Can I put his cock in me please?” Pebble shouldn't be surprised that Ivy asked so obediently but it always does something to him to hear him talk so dirty without being prompted. His hair is disheveled, his chest and face are red with need and honestly it would be cruel to deny him what he wants in such a state.

“Fuck, yeah fuck yourself for him sweet pea, ruin yourself for mountain”

The toy sinks in slowly, a harsh feeling compared to his skinny fingers but the pain is fucking delicious. Ivy moans, throwing his head back into the pillows letting himself adjust to its size. He feels full, stuffed to the brim, his eyes practically crossed when he reaches down to grab the base of it to start pulling it out.

Ivy cries out when he slams it back into himself. High and wavering, he pants repeating the same motion slowly.

“Such a little porn star aren’t you? Seem to like fucking yourself on camera, maybe I should make you do this more often, know a couple ghouls who would love to see you like this”

Ivy whines, picking up the pace. He arches off the bed, shoving the dildo inside of himself over and over as his legs shake with pleasure.

“Close, gonna cum-“ Ivy pants out

“Cum around mountains cock baby”

[jarofstyles]

what would gangrry on a stormy night be like if yn was scared of storms?!! i picture him learning it was storming after it was already started and putting everything on hold to get to her but when he comes home he finds her all tucked away in blankets and nervous 🥺

Oh my goodness…. Such a good suggestion!

Warning- mention of death, blood, anxiety

Check out our Patreon for more exclusive writings and early access!

——

“We can continue this later.” The gruff voice echoed in the warehouse, Harry stiffening as he heard the roar of thunder in the air. It truly would be a good place for a movie to be placed, an umbrella passed to him as his wool pea coat flowed behind him. Harry knew that this was his cue to go the fuck home, not only because he was wearing new Italian leather and he hadn’t been able to get them waterproof- but because his one love sat at home, scared.

His fierce, seemingly fearless woman had experienced a lot. She had seen carnage and blood and injuries, death, even. She took to it and dealt with it in ways he hadn’t imagined her to. She didn’t flinch when he came home with bloody clothes anymore, simply cursing because the stains could be a lot to get out. She has people follow her around and handled it extremely well, using her pepper sprays and her defense training he had made sure she got. But the one thing that she feared the most was storms.

Harry did his best to stay ahead of the weather. One would assume that being a man of power he wouldn’t have time to do so- and he didn’t. He had one of his men check the radars a few times a day to ensure there wasn’t any large storm cells moving closer to them. I wasn’t something that he took lightly. Her fears were something that he knew were serious, didn’t trivialize.

There had been a lot of trial and error in their relationships but Y/N always, always was good to him in the end. She deserved the coddling, the sweet words, the feeling of safety he seemed to provide for her. So he drove home quickly, cursing as he hit the steering wheel when lightning flashed in the sky. He knew she was scared right now and he wasn’t there to make it better. But he was hurrying.

There were traffic laws broken getting home but the cops knew better than to pull him over once they ran the plates. Harry was a powerful man and had friends in high places, he didn’t like having to be bothered by trivial things. Especially when he kept things so quiet and made their lives easier.

The moment he got home, he ran through the rain and cursed, throwing his keys to a newer member to park it in their large garage with his collection of vehicles. He didn’t have the time to do the code or anything, wanting to make it to her. The umbrella was closed as he rushed through the foyer, locked the door behind him before he jogged up the steps.

“Darling?” He called, listening for signs of her. Popping his head inside of her art studio, he didn’t see her. Neither in her beauty room- but his heart ached when he opened the master bedroom and saw a lump underneath their covers.

The curtains were drawn tight so nothing could be seen outside. The television on low, some reality show playing on the screen. All the lights on, along with candles flickering in multiple places in the room. She had prepared much better than he had, making him want to coo as he approached her body underneath the blankets.

“Baby?” He tried again, getting her attention this time. Earbuds were nestled in her ear so she couldn’t hear him at first, his form startling her momentarily before she tore them out and shot up from her snuggle place. Her body launched into his, arms looping around his shoulders as her face buried in his neck. She sat on her knees at the end of the bed, shaking slightly as his arms wrapped around her.

“You’re here.” She croaked, feeling herself melt a bit as his warmth hit her. The rich, spicy smell of his cologne making her body react automatically. She had been scared but tried her best to do the routine they’d worked on together to try and lessen her fears until Harry could get to her. The girl had been at their pool when the clouds rolled in and the first rumble of thunder had sent her shaking inside, her pool day ruined. It was a surprise storm because none of the weather apps had said anything besides some light rain!

“Course I am, angel.” The coldness of his rings made her shiver as he cupped the back of her neck. The hair was piled on top of her head in a bun, not having bothered to fix it since she came in from the pool. She smelled like chlorine and sunblock mixed with her normal scent, which he found a bit soothing. “as soon as I saw the weather… M’sorry I wasn’t here earlier but you did so well.” He praised her efforts.

It was hard when someone had a fear. Harry’s mainly were focused around her being hurt, but it wasn’t necessarily irrational. He had all the ability to protect her though, she was smart and he had the best security to boot. For her- Storms were real and while they most likely wouldn’t hurt her, bad experiences as a child had ruined the appeal. She would never understand people who liked watching them.

“It’s okay.” Her voice was hoarse because she hadn’t used it much today. It was supposed to be relaxing. “You’re here now. I missed you.” She squeezed herself to him, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. No one would ever imagine that a man like Harry- so feared and known to be merciless to enemies, stoic and cold- would be so soft and pliable for his woman. So passionate and warm. He loved her with his full heart and was never afraid to show her that.

“I miss you every time I leave the house, my love.” He murmured back, gently prying her from his neck to cup the sides of her face and angle it up so he could kiss her. Soft, tender pecks to her petal smooth lips, letting the last one linger. “Look so beautiful in my clothes.” The fact she was in one of his button ups didn’t escape him at all. If anything he was more than pleased with this development to this day. “Let me change quickly… I will sit with you as the storm passes. We can watch… the television you’d like. Or listen to music.” It was customary for them now to drown out the sound. He couldn’t do much when thunder vibrated the house, but distraction was always good.

Y/N let him slip away with a dreamy sigh. It was amazing to her that she had gotten a man like him. Of course he wouldn’t be most peoples cup of tea. He was beautiful, yes, but he was harsh. Brash. Mean. He had a hard job that wasn’t exactly in line with morals- even her own. But he loved hard and well and showed her a love that she ever thought possible in her life. Gave her a home and the chance to relax, took care of her so well that she couldn’t possibly want for a thing, and opened his heart to let her see the real man beneath the ammunition and trading of weapons and other substances. It was enough for her to stay.

When he appeared again, he was in sweatpants and no shirt. Her absolute favorite. So snuggly and warm. His tattoos made her drool, her body aching to be close to him and stick her face back in his neck and inhale his scent again. the wish would be granted as he climbed into the bed with her on his side, her body shuffling into his own and the large arm pulling her close.

The large man with so much metaphorical blood on his hands handled her with a love and tenderness that she had always craved. The long finger brushing hair from her face, looking at her with a look of affection and a bit of concern. Harry worried about her well being more than anything else. It had been such a huge change from just a while ago when his only concern had been his business. She topped it all.

“My beauty.” He sighed, pressing his lips to the middle of her forehead. “You’re safe now. Okay? M’not going anywhere. The storms can’t hurt you. We can stay in bed for as long as you need.” His phone was buzzing but he didn’t care. If it was truly an emergency they would come to him- and nothing was more important to him than her emotional and physical well being.

“I know. Thank you for coming so quickly.” Her fingers traced his sparrow, smiling at the eyebrow on it. She teased him for that often. “I know it may seem silly but… you’ve never made me feel that way. And it makes me feel nice. Safe. Always.” She admitted, kissing his chest and dipping her fingers down further to brush through the slight dusting of hair on his chest that was growing.

“It’s not. Everyone has fears they can’t get over. It isn’t the silly fear you think it is. But you are brave. Come so far from before… you’re so strong all the time. It’s alright to have a fear.” He wouldn’t have said that before her. But she’s taught him so much. “Now…” he adjusted slightly and played with her hair as she melted into his chest, feeling his chest rise up and down with calming breaths. “Tell me what I’ve missed on this show. Who has slept with who, darling? I haven’t watched with you in quite a while.”

[riewritten]

SWEET SUBTLETIES [CHAPTER LIST]

ERWIN X READER, ERWIN X YOU, NO Y/N

SUMMARY: An episodic series of Erwin Smith being whipped over the subtleties—for he loves hearing even the things you do not speak. AO3

TAGS: explicit sexual content, fluff, slice of life

CAN BE READ IN ANY ORDER.

01, SMUT: "YOUR KISSES ARE TELLING ME SOMETHING."

"That's pretty much all of it. You just have to remind him from time to time that you're his—completely his—and then he's wrapped around your pretty little fingers again, willing to give you everything he has if not more. He’s quite thankful you haven’t completely discovered how bad you’re holding his sanity or else he’ll be the one writhing under you instead."

02, FLUFF: "HERE COMES YOUR REWARD."

REQ. PROMPT: comforting a tired erwin

03, SMUT: ACTS OF SERVICE

in pursuit of pleasing you, his lovely girl, the way your existence pleases him

04, HURT/COMFORT: FOR WAVES TO SUBSIDE

REQ. aftermath of an assault

05, FLUFF HEADCANON/IMAGINE

the lurking point of concern that at some point, erwin's hands need to be contained when you're around

06, FLUFF: WHAT IS MORE TO GET THAN A LOVE THIS GENTLE?

REQ. touch-starved erwin & reader lawl

07, FLUFF: PETTY WITH PEAS

PROMPT: erwin ponders about his breeding kink (lmao. crack.)

08, SMUT: IT'S OKAY TO CLOSE YOUR EYES

referenced sexual assault, erwin cooing you to let your guard down because nothing will hurt you when he's near

09, HURT/COMFORT: SWEATSHIRTS AND FRAYED SKIN

REQ. erwin smith comforting and protecting you from yourself, hurt/comfort, nuances of self-harm

10, HURT/COMFORT: FLAT ON YOUR BACK, HELPLESS, TENDER, ONLY WITH HIM TO HELP

mental health issues, suicidal ideation, hurt/comfort

11, SMUT: YOU CAN LOVE ME EVEN MORE TONIGHT

porn without plot, hbd erwin (reader spoiling him rotten, anxiety, masturbation, creampie, filthy shit

12, FLUFF: THE BEST BIRTHDAY

fluff, slice of life, kissing, office romance AU, idiots in love, insecurities, and AAAA HAPPEE BIRTHDAY ERWIN

REQ. GUIDELINES (STATUS: TEMPORARILY CLOSED)

Reader's characteristics are as vague as possible, preferrably in an established relationship setting.

No rape/incest

NSFW/SFW allowed

This is a compilation of one-shots, but my attempt is to make a series of interconnected stories amidst differences of requests.

[possessingtheproperspirit]

Hello!! Time after time for the way you left me — Little Harry comes back from wizard play group and someone nasty told him his mummy used to be married to someone else, not his daddy. He asks James and Lily about it with a frown when they’re home. How do they handle the convo? Do they try to explain about the war, about James going missing, about Lily trying to move on and how mummy wasn’t married but she almost was but she always always loved your dad…? (Getting carried away myself!) Would love to see how you’d write it/imagine it 💓

Hi!! Sorry it's taken me a while, I fell down a hole (went back to work) and have only just managed to raise my head again lol. You really went for the throat with this one and I love it. Hope I've done your vision justice!

Many years down the line from the end of the way you left me...

"Daddy," Harry piped up, a forkful of peas half way to his mouth and a sweet frown on his little face. They were used to the intense discussions that Harry wanted to have at every moment of the day; he was a curious boy, and he didn't mind letting his food go cold if he needed a question answered. "Are you definitely my daddy?"

Lily shot James a glance, eyebrows raised, from across the table. Her husband adjusted his glasses, now frowning too, and leaned forward. "'Course I am," he replied. "What makes you think I might not be?"

Harry swallowed down his peas and replied, "Susie at playgroup said mummy was married to someone else and that meant you're not my daddy."

Lily had to set her mug down, blinking in surprise; James looked over at her, and she held his gaze a moment, letting the pieces slot together in her head. Susie at playground - that must have been Susan Bones. Who was Ed's niece.

Well, it was nice to know that her ex-fiance's family still spoke so well of her.

"I wasn't married to someone else," she told her son gently. "But we were engaged - that means, we were planning to get married." Truthfully, it had been a while since she'd thought about that time: the memories were bittersweet, to say the least, and life was so full now, she was so happy, that there was no need to linger on it. "Daddy was...away, for a long time, and..."

She trailed off. Harry was too young to understand the very complex situation they'd found themselves in, and besides, she didn't want to upset him with the news that they'd all thought James had died. Harry was going through a bit of a separation anxiety phase at the moment as it was; adding in the information that his parents were mortal and could disappear out the front door, never to return, was not going to help matters.

Thank Merlin for James. He reached across to give her hand a squeeze, a soft smile on his face as he looked over at their son. "Lots of people have special people in their lives before they get married," he told Harry. "Mummy had someone called Ed who helped her feel better when she was very sad."

Harry looked at his mother appraisingly, a spark of worry still clear in those vivid green eyes. Their little boy was so thoughtful, so caring: it was times like this that she wanted to gather him up in her arms and never let go. (All the time, really. Sometimes he let her, sometimes he was more interested in playing with his toys.)

"You got happy again, Mummy?" Harry asked earnestly.

"I did," she confirmed. "And Daddy makes me happy, and you do, too."

Harry beamed. "And Uncle Padfoot and Uncle Moony? And Aunty Mary?"

Lily laughed. "Yes, them too."

"Lots of things make Mummy happy now," James added, leaning in a little further and lowering his voice as if about to share a secret. "You know what makes her really happy?"

Harry dropped his fork and leaned in, too, his eyes wide. "What?"

"Stealing chips off little boys' plates," James whispered.

Harry let out a horrified gasp, tugging his plastic Puddlemere United plate - his prized possession - towards himself and away from his parents. "No!"

Lily laughed, standing up - and she couldn't resist ducking down to press a kiss to her son's cheek. "You'd better eat them up quick, then, Harry."

A minute or so of contented munching followed, only interrupted by, "Daddy? What's at the bottom of the sea?"

It seemed like Harry had moved on already.

[my-soupy-brain]

A Little Blue

Warning: Mental health issues and smut smut 🚨

Description: You wake up in a spell of depression, anxiety, self doubt. Ted helps comfort you back home, back to him.

Pairing: Ted Lasso x reader

Warning: Mental health, depression, m + f intercourse

—-

You rolled over in the morning; the dreary London sky in your eyeline. And your brain felt heavy.

Anxious. Tired. Depressed.

What started as an acknowledgement of a less restful sleep became much darker, much quicker.

He doesn’t love you. You’re pathetic. Look at you. He can do better. You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve this life.

The thoughts in your brain ran like mice through a maze. And you took a breath as the tears formed. In minutes your body was shaking, your hand clutched near your mouth, as you sobbed.

You tried to keep quiet. Ted was still fast asleep next to you, dreamy with his hair asunder, the perfect picture of a man in your eyes.

You don’t deserve him. He can do better. You’re weak, pathetic…

As your shoulders shook, Ted’s eyes cracked open and saw your body shaking, your back curled in a ball with your knees tucked to your chest. The sound of your sobs muffled by the duvet.

Without a second thought he roped his arms around you.

“Shhh, shhh darlin’ what’s got you so shook up so early,” he cooed as you took a deep breath of air. You wailed a little, feeling more guilty for waking him with this emotional tumble.

Ted’s eyebrows scrunched together with worry. You both have your emotional struggles, and you always are there to scoop him up and put him back together. He’s never seen you quite so broken, and hopes his love can help.

As you turn to face him, your eyes are filled with tears, puffy and red. He holds your face in his hands, like a precious thing.

Your body erupts in a sob again.

Ted scooches closer to you, wrapping you close. You can smell his masculine scent - shampoo, skin, his mustache oil.

“You can do better, you can do better,” you sob and heave between breaths. “You don’t need this in your life, you can do better.”

Ted’s heart shatters. The thought that you - beautiful, smart, funny, kind wonderful you - would ever think you’re not good enough for anyone, let alone him…

He strokes your hair, tears pricking the corner of his eyes.

“You’re successful and handsome, you can find anyone. Have anyone. I’m nothing, I’m nothing…” you cry, almost nonsensically. “And I’m all this, all these emotions. You can do better, Ted…”

He takes a deep breath and moves your hand to his chest.

“Breathe with me, sweetheart. Deep breath in…” he sucks in a breath, your fingers feel his lovely chest inhale. “Deep breath out…” and it softens under your touch. His soft tshirt, the hair of his strong chest underneath it, are the sensations you recognize.

You follow along, your eyes glazed. Focused on the cleft of his chin, the dimple in his cheek.

You exhale again, pursing your lips to let it out slow. His hand comes to your chest to feel your heart.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers, connecting his chocolate eyes with yours. You can see nothing but love behind them.

“I’m not going anywhere, because I love you, Y/N. You’re my angel, my sweetheart, my whole world,” he says, his lips near your ear. Your hands grasp the soft white cotton of his tshirt, nuzzling into him even closer. His other large hand comes to your hip, pushing you into his warm body.

“I can’t imagine a more perfect thing than you, my sweet girl,” he mutters. You take a deep breath again.

“Good, there y’go… breathe, beautiful. Follow me,” Ted croons. Your hand strokes his chest, your lips against his neck. He breathes, you breathe.

As you exhale together, Ted’s fingers push hair over your ear. “I love you, I love you,” he whispers quietly. “We were put here for each other. We are peas in a pod, sweetpea,” he says, trying to get you to smile. “You’re the butter to my popcorn.”

“I just…I want to…be perf—“ and before you can say another syllable, Ted finishes for you.

“You’re perfect, sugar. You’re perfect,” he says. “I love you now, I love you always.”

Your heart calms, you smile against his neck.

“I can feel that smile, babygirl. There she is,” Ted coos with a bright voice. “There she is…”

Ted pulls back and tilts his head down, his scruff against the palm of your hand. He smiles at you, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“You’re perfect, just the way you are,” he says to your lips, connecting with you gently. Your adoration for him bursts from your chest as you encouragingly return the kiss, tongue running along his lips, inviting him to join.

You whimper, his hand moving under the covers to your hip, fingers tracing patterns on your skin, making your body chill. His lips and adoring mouth move to your ear, your jaw, and your neck — his favorite spot to tell you everything.

“I want to spend my life with you,” he whispers, kissing along your soft skin. “There’s no one else on earth for me but you. There never will be.”

Your fingers run through his thick brown hair, and skate down his neck, across his shoulders, down that strong, tall back.

“Oh, Teddy, I love you…” you coo, your body grinding into his, your blood alight with arousal.

“I’ll never let you go. I’ll clean up every tear and I’ll do anything to make you smile,” Ted whispers against your skin, right under your ear. “I’m crazy aboutcha. I want you to be mine forever.”

You sign in relief, love thrumming through your nerves. Ted’s hands skate from your neck down the curves of your body: Over your breast, down your soft stomach, across your fleshy hips, to your warm thighs.

You shudder and moan at the sensation.

“Let me in, baby cakes. I’m not going anywhere. Where you go, I go,” he mutters and you feel your thighs fall open, Ted rolling in between.

The tears and anxieties you felt only 30 minutes ago are damn near extinct. Ted slips inside you, holding you close, looking into your eyes with lust and love as he thrusts gently.

Your hands hold his face as you rise slightly to meet his lips. When you pull away, you smile.

“I want you to be mine forever. I never want to be without you, my love. You’re my oxygen,” you confess. He smiles, almost turning his head away, overtaken by your words of love.

His hips push harder, a bit faster, feeling empowered by his love in his arms. You roll your hips to meet him, and he groans at the sensation.

“Oh, darling… oh, God, I’m gonna…” you murmur, eyes fluttering closed and your chest flushing red, Ted knows.

“I can feel you, sweetheart. Let go for me, show me,” he whispers.

You open your eyes to let him see you fall apart under him, his hands holding your body tight, his chest breathing heavy against yours.

A light kiss to your neck and his large, warm hand on your breast and you unravel, clenching around him, your nails digging small crescents in his shoulders.

Gasping his name, cursing under your breath, a small sweat on your brow as you glow from the release — he’s enamored with you time and time again.

“Oh, sweetheart, oh, that’s my girl,” he’s muttering under his breath, thick and harder inside you, twitching with the precipice of release.

Tears escape your eyes — hurriedly rushing down your cheeks to the below underneath, the tension of your anxiety and the release of love overwhelming the senses. Ted’s thumb brushes one away, and he leans forward to kiss your lips.

“You’re so beautiful, and so pretty when you come for me,” Ted mutters, sparking a light inside you.

“Let—let go for me, love,” you connect your eyes with his. “I’m yours, I’m yours, God I’m yours,” you repeat, throwing your arms over his shoulders, bringing him down to your chest. His hips thrust hard, deep, measured strokes but a sudden jolt up his back and a moan from deep in his chest brings him close.

“Say—say that again, baby,” he requests.

“I’m yours, you’re mine, always. I’m yours,” you cry out, and his hands hold your body close as he spills inside of you, gasping your name, kissing your neck through deep inhales while he steadies his pounding heart.

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t pull away. Places gentle kisses along your neck, your cheeks, your lips. All you see, all you care about, is Ted. He’s your entire universe.

“I love you, God how I love you,” you say to him, running your hands through his messy hair. He smiles against your chest, where he’s nestled against your nudity.

“I love you,” he answers with certainty. “You’re my world.”

As he leans up he ropes his arms under you, rolling you to your sides. You stroke the stubble of his strong jaw, leaning forward to kiss him again.

He departs for only a moment, a warm washcloth in hand to clean you gently, like a chamois on a fine automobile. Gentle strokes and caresses of his fingers lull you into a state of bliss.

“How are you feeling, my sweet girl,” he asks gently, barely a whisper. You smile.

“Better, and it’s all thanks to you. Thank you for loving me.”

He stops and takes a breath. Tucking himself back into bed next to you, his arm over your hip to keep you close.

“Thank you,” he says, voice catching in his throat. “Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for being you.”

[boxwinebaddie]

hi nina! do you have any other songs that you think cd would cover? i just really liked new perspective and i think ur music taste is rlly cool :3

d'awww!!! hi there, sweet pea! <3

tysm for your ask but, before you start reading ( because this message got VERY long ), i just want to let everyone know that i used this ask to explain some Very Complex Ravenstan/Callgirl Fake Dating Lore...so if you are interested in that, it starts towards the middle of this ask...it's a lil chaotic, but i tried to make it as interesting and clear as i could! no obligation to read, ofc, as always, but i did want to preface this ask with that info, so you know this one is

*Secretly An Important RM Lore Ask.*

but back to what i was doing ( screaming ):

— because aAAAAAAAAAA!!!! c': <333

i am not even joking, you guys, despite the fact that my fic is based almost entirely around Music, i avoided answering music-related asks for so LONG bc i was legitimately so nervous about it being negatively perceived or read for filth on here, which, i Know, is silly because it's my fanfic and what i say goes, i can't change my music taste anymore than i can change the way my dna loops, but...idk.

like, i feel like A Lot of people are self conscious abt their music taste, but my social anxiety/inferiority complex can get so gnarly that i actually get Nervous when people ask me about what kind of music i like and i never EVER sit shot gun in cars bc i am...scared to aux. :/

iiiiiit's...That Bad. ( nina, please get therapy. )

i also feel like people in this fandom can get Very Intense about what kind of music they associate with the boys/what music the boys listen to and are FRIGHTENINGLY QUICK to rip people to shreds over opinions that don't align with theirs or aren't obscure or 'cool' enough.

bc of that, i try to be Very Lowkey on this blog because the larger part of this fandom and the criminally insane level at which they escalate petty fights over canon/fanon, like to the point that they are frothing at the mouth and start doxing people...gives me Extreme Stress. which, in my line of work, i actually CANNOT have happen.

tldr; i want absolutely NO part of it and like my lil corner.

thank you for keeping it Safe. <3

AND THANK YOU FOR ENJOYING MY MUSIC TASTE!!! EEEE c: <3 THAT IS SO REASURRING AND HEALING FOR ME TO HEAR!!!! MUSIC TO MY EARS, BABY! LITERALLY! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THAAAANK YOU! *holds you* *squishes you* *kisses ur head*

istg, if nothing else the fact that i have a bunch of you rocking out to New Perspective and positively associating it with my fanfic means that i have done my job and that's a legacy i'm willing to die with.

i'm being so serious, i feel like if rm was a tv show, it would play as the outro to every episode...but like a nice, soft, raw version w/ ravenstan on acoustic guitar to contrast the hard ass cd cover of style by tswizz that i think would open every episode...smh, nina, please, pleease stop imagining your unfinished, crack-fanfic as a netflix og series. >.>

BUT!!! okay!!!! in vein of trying not to worry about the perception of my music taste or what other people want from me...tHIS IS A KIND OF CONTREVERSIAL TAKE BUT I TIED IT TO THE PLOT, OKAY?

so, as a little nina lore and for context, when i was in elementary school around like 4th/5th grade, i was listening to like a lot of early y2k bangers, ig. dirty little secret by all american rejects, hey there delilah by the plain white tees, girlfriend by avril lavigne core, etc.

( just to make you giggle, i also had a ps2 and there was a series of video games called singstar that were some off shoot of rockband/gh that had mics you plugged directly into the system...pls note my high score on sk8r boi really should be put in the guinness world records, like if you held a gun to my head and told me to sing that song, i not only would i fuck it up but i would LIVE, baby! better luck next time! )

...it was also around early disney channel times ( the disney channel games with the team colors...that was my OLYMPICS, bitch! ) and i had this Disney Pop Hits Vol...1? i think? cd i used to play on the prehistoric radio thing in my room and my favorite song on it was...

pop princess by the click five.

AND I KNOW!!! I KNOOOOOW!!!! controversial take, but i am sorry, THAT SONG FUCKS!!!! THAT SONG IS SOOOO AWESOME!!!!!

and i feel like when ravenstan was fake dating call girl during the great hate south park embark, cd covered it: i am picturing a less finger-bang, btr, disney channel esqe sound and more of a pop-punk, pedal to the metal, electric guitar type, edgy rockstar boy typa beat.

but Yes, i think ravenstan covered it or idk i really think that it was made FOR call girl. and it was BAD ASF. i also think bc tcf wrote that song about hannah montana ( iconic ), and bc call girl is basically the whole internet's e-girl bubblegum pop princess in my fanfic, it just...

makes...Sense.

am i making sense? do we see the vision? aka rs in his lil pants w/ the ripped red and black flannel tied around his waist, fallin to his knees, singing his heart out, pointing at her, winking? PPL DIIIIIIIIIED.

and by people, i do mean jerseykyle n bebe who were MAD AS HELL,

-- but also tapping their toe...smh.

it was both very cool and very annoying. RIP.

( ...do i have jersey and bebe make out during the pop princess call girl tribute as mlm/wlw solidarity? HEEEELP ICOOONIC *jk vibrating with stress and anger vc* barbara, i need you to do somethin for me don't ask questions, i'll explain later, It's Important sdks MESSY! )

BUT OKAY!!!! SPEAAAAKING OF THEM AND THAT AND CALLGIRL AND RAVEN OF CRIMSON DAWN DATING!!!! i wanted to give you some lore and some spoilery plot about that/them bc it is burning a Hole in my brain...i must discuss r.s. and call girl becaaaause

~Its....Complicated.~

ANYWAYS!!!! IMPORTANT PLOT TIME!!!!

so, for more context: i am currently working on another ask abt how ike found out that jerseykyle/ravenstan used to be dating and during that conversation in kyle's room about three days into the sp trip, CONCURRENTLY somewhere Else, ravenstan and call girl are getting ready to do some flashy PR thing like go on a date/get din, idk.

BUT RIGHT BEFORE IT: ravenstan and call girl are alone together, and ravenstan, who, i am not even kidding you, is sooo fucking Pissed that this is EVEN HAPPENING because kyle is super mad at him, was like you are Actually Dead to me, WILL NOT TALK TO HIM...

( which without spoiling too much -- is actually why ike can tell that somethin Fucked Up is happening because j.k. is super aggressive and loud and is not afraid to Fuck Your Shit Up...but has not laid a FINGER on raven of crimson dawn...and actually, seems to not even want to be Near him, barely acknowledges his existence, leaves rooms that he is in and is Radio Silent around him...WHICH IS TWICE AS SCARY AS J.K. YELLING AND TRYING TO KILL YOU. so, uhh, Not fucking...Good, you guys. ike was like...this is...not fucking normal. )

but again, he cannot tell kyle what is going on bc he might actuuuuallly get MURDERED??? uh???

anyways, in whatever secure, secluded space rae/cg are in ( its somewhere private, i pictured a dressing room of sorts, like a makeup trailer, somewhere they have to take pics ) stan is Extremely Straight Up with her and says something to the effect of:

"i have no idea what you think this is or what you want this to be or what they told you, but we are not dating and this...is NOT. Real."

and call girl ( aka wendy whose identity is a secret to EVERYONE, No One has seen the bottom half of call girl's face...Ever. she changes her wigs everyday, they are Very Elaborate and is always in a very high tech face mask that covers her face from the nose down and uses a voice modulator to mask her speaking voice...a mysterious queen ) oddly enough seems completely relieved by this statement and is like

*squints*

"don't worry, Emo Boy. feeling is mutual. like, no offense, but you are seriously...not my type. Ew. trust me, i don’t want to do this either but,

— I Have To."

wHICHSHDLSKDHLSD SHE GUTTED HIM HELP. he was *gigantic stan slow eye blinks in shock* like "right, okay, Ow. that was...Mean." kshdlksdls but then was "--but i am glad we...agree. i Also HAVE To. not because of publicity, it's...Deeper than that...i can't really ta--"

to which call girl, locking eyes with him, dead seriously, lowering her modulated voice is like...

"it's tenorman, right?

He Threatened You."

and r.s, gagged! Again!!! is like

"holy shit, he THREATENED /YOU/ TOO?!?!"

and call girl nods very slowly and starts to say

"he told me if i didn't do it he would..."

and rs with the same kind of mounting horror whispers

" — Kill Everyone You Love And Care About?"

which, at this point, folks, they are both like...

...WOAH.

bc they realize they are both stuck in the same torture chamber together, they Both got cornered into this really elaborate ruse and have to keep it up in order to keep the people that they love Safe and it's...A Lot. it...really is. but it's also sort of freeing and cathartic to knowing you are not alone going through what is pretty much the worst thing that has ever happened to you in your entire life.

i also feel like...there is this natural bond. this Energy between them. like they understand/see each other and feel...safe with one another.

and call girl, guard still up, dips a toe in uncharted water, and goes:

"well...since were partners in crime now and have to live a lie in public...i think we at least owe it to each other in private...

...to be Real."

she offers this bc they have reached an understanding, an impasse, a standstill, a draw of sorts. and there is a thick tension...as well as this crescendoing vulnerability that hangs the air with her ultimatum as they stare warily at each other, strangers, both wearing still wearing their masks, call girl physically in hers and stan in his metaphorical one doing the dark, raspy smoke and mirrors raven voice bc he is...not sure about her in the same way that she is...

...still not sure abt him.

( they are basically that one spiderman meme where both the spidermans are holding each other at gun point. ) and it's a huge Risk to indulge her request, but again...they both have everything to lose.

and no one...but Eachother.

so he indulges her very tentatively and counters:

"alright...then, tell me something Real, call girl."

to which she nods, closes her eyes and goes. "fine. my real name..."

call girl trails off, reaches up to tap the voice modulator on her mask, turns it off, reaches out her rhine-stoned, sequined, hot pink faux leather gloved hand out to shake his and in her real voice, says,

" — Is Wendy."

and this...is a Very BIG Deal.

again, no one has ever heard call girl's voice before. no one knows what her name is or Anything about her. she doesn't even preform live, she does virtual concerts and is basically this sort of mysterious, ai, vocaloid/miku internet personality that is very Carefully and elaborately Coded and ENCRYPTED to keep her identity Safe.

so her turning off her voice mod and speaking to stan, not as a fictional, larger than life computer-generated celebrity, but as a human being...is massive.

it's also very...Comforting to ravenstan.

who has not been himself...for a very long time. and it's not smart, it's not a good idea, but he decides to trust her and in turn,

in his real voice, says,

"stan. my name...is Stan.

It's Nice To Meet You, Wendy."

he shakes her hand and she shakes his.

she says, "it's nice to meet you too, stan." :)

and it feels...Nice. it should feel wrong, what they're doing, but it feels right, it feels fucking amazing to stop Preforming. she knows his name, she's seen his face...but realizes he still has not seen Hers and running on adrenaline, bolstered by a rare surge of bravery, chinks at her armor, or mask rather, and makes a motion.

literally.

bc he reaches up towards her face and goes, "oof. it's nice to hear your human voice; the dystopian robot voice was lowkey espantoso."

he laughs, it's genuine and super ugly, god bless him. so you Know he's being really real when he asks "but...if it's all the same to you. if were going to speak freely; i'd like to...see Who i am speaking to.

so can i, please, uh...see your Face? your whole face.

your...Real face."

and oof. this...is a little nerve-wracking for wendalends.

she's neeeever taken the mask off. ever. Ever. EVER.

For A-n-y-o-n-e.

but...she might never have the chance again and it is...really stuffy under there. so she Agrees and lets stan remove her face apparatus.

ravenstan does say "Wowza." HDLKSHDSl amazing.

he's also my boyfail king and says something very fucking stupid like

"sorry, you're REALLY Pretty. i was worried might look like deadpool under there." she smiles, it's beautiful. no one has seen her real smile before as call girl and thanks him. she goes on to apologize and is like

"thank you, stan. you're really sweet and i...am sorry i said 'ew'. it's not because you're ugly, you're kind of...Cute for a guy, actually? you have really nice bone structure and very kind eyes. it's just, when i said you weren't my type i meant Boys. in...general."

her voice shakes a little, she's never admitted this out loud before, not even to her girlfriend. but she trusts stan with the nice bone structure and dumb ugly laugh and very kind eyes, so she says

"i'm a...Lesbian.

i'm also Seeing Someone at the moment.

It's Complicated."

and stan is like, skhdlsd way too excited to talk about kyle, and is like

"okay, whew! i'm ALSO seeing someone! or well..." then remembers and is like oooof "well...i Was...seeing someone i guess. it's..."

my man is Depressed and is trying to change the subject because he realizes he actually can't talk about kyle because not only is cartman going to kill him if he does...he is also gonna freakin K!ll Himself because he's actually so sad that kyle currently hates his GUTS.

so he sighs, echoing her and admits "It's...Complicated." :/

he wants to hear something nice though, something real...and nice. because he is a romantico king. who believes more than anything...

in Love.

so he asks her what her girlfriend's name is. <3 :')

annnd i think she is About to say bebe's name...but realizes if she does, it will completely blow her cover.

like her ACTUAL Cover.

because stan knowing her first name and her what she looks like under the mask is one thing...but the second she says bebe's name, it's going to reveal that she is kyle's bebe's wen/wendyl which...is

Meeeeessy.

but she reasons ( as an intelligent, rational queen ) that regardless of how messy things get, her and stan are in this mess together and that the best time to make a mess...is when you are Coming Clean.

still...this is...very sensitive information. she’s not sure how he's gonna take it and needs some sort of collateral.

so she states her terms.

and call girl, who stan now knows is wendy, but not bebe's current girlfriend ( yet ) says "okay. i am going to tell you something, but in order to do it. i have to tell you...Everything. in exchange, i need YOU to tell me Everything. i am going to give you One Chance to do so willingly. if not...i do not care how untraceable you Think you are, i am very familiar with the dark web and i will find out everything i Need to know about you. and do with that information...What. I. Please.

...so /please./ promise me you won't tell anyone about what i am about to tell you...and then, tell me...stan...Something Real."

stan agrees and wendy goes into everything. comes out as trans to him and explains her origin story. ( i started to write everything in this ask but it got too long, i'll tell you all about call girl/wendy in another ask i have a couple in the box i can use, haha. ) she tells him pretty much everything ( it's a big therapy session in there ) up until this point, gaydhd ravenstan...manages to understand

Everything.

and when she finishes, true to the deal, she gently volleys the ball into his court, ( they are friends now, aw <3 ) and softly goes:

"okay...Your Turn."

and so ravenstan...who is Deeply Inspired by wendy...Wowza. he seriously thinks she is so fucking cool and ALSO A TRANS ICON??? HELLO? he feels v seen and heard and safe, so uh...jesus christ, he grabs wendy's hands, takes a veeeeeery deep breath and goes,

"so, i...

— Am DEAD."

LKHDSHSDLKDS HEEELP KSHLKDS

annnnnnd proceeds to tell her everything.

and i do mean...Everything.

they talk for the rest of the night basically, having this heart to heart, at the same time that, unbeknownst to ravenstan, jerseykyle and ike are also having a heart to heart....wendy and stan are platonic besties, they agree to keep each other's secrets as t4t legends stuck in cartman's fucked up marionette hell together, they agree to keep their crazy charade up while they try and find a way out/back to bebe and kyle, take some v convincing publicity pictures together ( i do think jk and bebe see them and want to die So Bad, it's not funny...bebe/jk or wendy/rs...choose your doomed broship. Fml. )

and that's...

Your Crazy Uncle Nina RM Lore Drop For The Night!

i hope you enjoyed it, haha. <3 please feel free to drop me a line in the ole ask box about it and ofc, as always, to ask me anything you would like! if you're still with me...after all this time. thank you so much for supporting me and enjoying my content.

it means...Everything to me.

and in writing something fake...

thank you all:

for being my Something Real. <3 c':

-uncle nina, callgirl/raven superfan

[fallenfawnn]

Helloooooo sweet pea I just saw your post and I am here for u and to remind you that you don’t need to self harm. Go look at the moon, imagine the anxiety you feel in your chest that’s driving the urge to cut as a ball of light (color of your choice) and visualize it in your chest. Imagine pulling it out if you and shoving it back in the Earth to neutralize and ground it out. I know it sounds insane but that has really helped me. If it’s too hokey, I’m also here to spam you w questions to distract the thoughts

i’m going to be totally honest i think normally i wud expect to kinda roll my eyes at that suggestion but uh, not today. today it helped. thank u for sharing, ur so kind ♡

[metalbuckaroo]

I’m feeling veeerrrry sappy tonight, so excuse me while I give a lil backstory on the birth of “Metalbuckaroo”, express my absolute love for everyone who has even read on fic of mine, and for my blog-

In the months September of 2020 to around March of 2021, I was having terrible anxiety. I’ve always had anxiety, since I was ab 12-13. But, this anxiety was soooo fucking different.

I couldn’t drive, couldn’t be left alone bc then I would start getting too deep in my own thoughts and end up in a panic attack on my kitchen floor. I couldn’t even be in a car for too long bc it would send me into a spiral.

It got to the point where I couldn’t listen to most music, couldn’t watch hardly any tv, bc it would all trigger something in me and I’d end up having panic attacks.

Those months were so fucking hard. I just wanted to feel halfway normal and live my life again.

One of the things that got me through those months was the dvd set of the MCU I’d gotten off of EBay for less than 30 dollars.

I never got to watch things like Marvel, DC, Walking Dead, or anything like that bc my mom sheltered us older kids. Home school, supervised television, all that stuff.

So, when I became an adult, I didn’t really think ab watching any of it.

But, I can say with every bit of confidence I have, I have never felt the way ab any movie/tv show/book the way I do ab MCU. I played every movie in the set on repeat, all day, everyday. I had sooo much trouble sleeping bc of my anxiety that I would sit and watch The Winter Soldier until 4 and 5 o’clock in the morning if not later.

Eventually, I started reading Bucky fics on tumblr, really loved the atmosphere that I saw others create on their blogs. So, after watching Destroyer one night, Sweet Pea happened. The series that was meant to be three parts at most.

I’ve tried the whole “posting on tumblr” and at one point I even posted on Wattpad. But, never really kept the fics up, nor did they get much traction.

Metalbuckaroo has been an opportunity that I never imagined. I’ve talked with so many wonderful people who I can’t even express how grateful I am for. People who are the reason I decided to start posting fics are now some that I couldn’t imagine if i didn’t have the opportunity to get to know (even if I’ve been terrible at keeping a conversation recently)

Overall, I’m so grateful for all 7100 of you. This blog will always have a special place in my heart no matter what happens to it.

[greetingfromthedead]

C74: Goodbye

For more information on the series (tags, CW, etc) click the banner!

Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 74/84

Words: 2.2k

No particular warnings for this chapter.

← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

The morning came too soon; the rays of light creeping up the dunes woke Vash too quickly. His head rests in your lap; you've kept watch while he rested, but this will be the last night for a little while, as today, for the first time, he will truly have to say goodbye; he will have to be apart from you for the first time since meeting you. How strange it feels to know after more than one and a half years that tomorrow he won't see you and won't wake up next to you. You have entangled yourself so thoroughly in his life and his soul that he can't imagine not reaching out and touching you. It all started in the strangest of ways, from a simple coincidence, from a nagging feeling. He followed you into the desert out of concern and curiosity, and he had found a soul so unique, so wonderful. It was hard and, at times, even lonely when you got so very sick. But you fought, and you battled against all odds to get better, to keep going.

Finding you in the endless chaos of this planet and this universe was nothing short of a miracle. Two souls intertwined so thoroughly that no force could untangle that bond. Nothing could erase you from his being. In your eyes, he sees the poems Rem used to read; in your embrace, he feels at home; and in your voice, he hears a thousand unsung lullabies. You're a million dawns all at once, painting his world in vivid colors. You have been, every day, even in the darkest, most hopeless of days, nestled in his heart.

Vash knows the biggest challenge is still ahead—the one that would let him finally atone for his sins and the ones of Knives too. He will have to put an end to this, to secure the future of humanity; only then can he have a future with you. Perhaps settle down, build a home together, fill it to the brim with love, and maybe even raise children. He doesn't know what the future will look like, but to get there, he knows the battles he will have to fight; he will have to save his brother. It's a goal you have been willing to help him with—the promise you made to be by his side, to fight his fights with him, to reach his dreams with him. And now the twin suns have come up, painted the sky a light blue, and stirred him from his sleep.

He has refused to move, taking in the warmth radiating from you, your soft and smooth skin under his hand and cheek. He knows the way you sit with your legs crossed, his red jacket around your half naked body like so many times before. He wants to pretend to be asleep for a little while longer, to push the inevitable for another moment or two. But the way your hand moves from only stroking his hair to caressing his cheek and nose tells him you know he is awake. You gently brush against his birthmark and the corner of his eye.

"Morning, sweetheart!" Your voice is tender, just as soft as your touch.

"Good morning, Sweet Pea!" he says with a sad smile. He knows the clock is ticking now, counting down the moments till the two of you depart. It fills him with more anxiety than he knows is reasonable, but still, for him, it means everything.

"How did you sleep?" Your hand traces over his neck to his bare shoulder, touching the metal plate on it.

"Good, thanks to you," a lightness comes back to his voice, and his comment pulls a chuckle from you. "Was the night quiet?"

"Yes, only a few little worms, nothing else. No noises, no lights," your hand takes his as he reaches out towards his shoulder.

"Maybe they aren't coming here at all?"

"Could be," you sigh. "But if you ask me, it's unlikely. It has been quiet on the northern front; if anything, I am worried they might come from a different direction, but I think they will come here; it's easy pray compared to what is left in the north."

"You're probably right," he says, squeezing your fingers lightly.

"Of course I am right." You chuckle and squeeze back.

The rest of the morning is taken as slowly as possible. The clothes you left off last night are put on; you hold his jacket up for him to stick his arms in; you adjust the sleeve and pauldron to his prosthetic; you close the snap of the red strap running over his arm; and your hands linger a bit longer on the mechanical details as his eyes tenderly stay on you. Instead of the quick nutrition bar and some water, Vash makes breakfast from the supplies in his bag, and you watch him and his hands work away, your own arms wrapped around his right biceps, greatly limiting his range of motion, but he doesn't complain; instead, it fills his heart with warmth. He serves the food with some awful coffee, and he seems proud. You are not sure if it's about how long he managed to stall or the breakfast itself. You take a bite of the porridge and grimace, forced to admit that it tastes nearly as horrible as the coffee, but your expression only makes him laugh as he downs the rest and cleans his dishes. You take some time to go through your bag, giving a large portion of your medical supplies to Vash and reminding him that he has to take care of himself. You only leave a few things in your bag in case you need to patch someone else up. Vash stalls for more time watching you divvy up the supplies, making sure he has all he needs and you have your necessities instead of cleaning up the campsite. It gets harder and harder to find excuses, to stay for a little while longer.

It is high noon when you finally saddle up the toma, and Vash has packed up all your things. You stand toe to toe, looking into his eyes; they look so sad, ready to shed tears as his hand cups your cheek. There is nowhere to run anymore.

"I'm not good with goodbyes," he says quietly.

"Then don't say it," you say with a sad smile on your lips. "You made a promise; you're good."

"You made one too."

"I know," your hands holding onto his prosthetic fingers, giving them a squeeze.

"It's just for a few days. Right?"

"Right," you stand onto your tiptoes, and his lips meet yours, an insistent and longing kiss saying more than words could at this moment.

His arms move to pull you into his embrace; it's so tight you have to break away from his lips and rest your head on his chest near his heart. Your own arms wrap around his midsection, under his coat. His heartbeat is fast, and he rests his head against yours, not letting go, trying to save the feeling of your hug and keep it in his heart and arms until he sees you again.

It hurts to release the grasp around the other's body, to look into their eyes, and to give one last brief kiss before saddling up. Your fingers brush together as you reach your arm towards his, and a smile dances on his lips.

"I'll see you soon!" he says with calmness.

"I'll see you soon!" You smile back, and the toma takes to walking again, but this time in different directions.

You can still faintly hear the steps of his tomas as you look over your shoulder.

"Hey, Red!" You call out and see him turn towards you. "Go show those bandits who's boss! After all, you're Vash the Stampede!"

You blow him a kiss, and it makes him laugh as he catches it.

Vash sits on the rooftop of the little hotel, his knee pulled up against his chest, the other leg tangling down over the edge. It's the second night of his watch; he had tried to sleep, but every cell in his body was longing for you to the point he woke up in a sweat, reaching out over the bed only to find nothing and be reminded of the distance. With a deep sigh, he had gotten out of bed and changed clothes to occupy his mind with something more than just missing you.

He had warned the townsfolk of what could be coming; it added to their nervousness. They had already assumed that a faith similar to that of the towns of the north-east would befall them, but they found solace in the fact that the legendary gunman was on their side. Vash overlooks the town and the desert surrounding it, similar to how you kept an eye out for danger every night he slept. He wonders how you're doing; it is safe to assume you've found yourself a vantage point similar to him; you too probably scan the area and listen out for any hints of intruders. He can see you sitting calmly and fidgeting with your hands; he can paint it so clearly in his mind as if you're sitting on the roof opposite of him.

He has his earpiece in, connected to the little radio, scanning through local channels, trying to catch any news. And a catch he got. He moves past the frequency at first, but the unusual static grabs his attention, and he turns back, tuning the radio to receive the distress signal.

"...ttack! I repeat! This is Edwards! We require immediate backup! We are under attack! We are under attack! They are after our Plants! Save our Souls! I repeat! We are under attack! We need backup!"

This has Vash immediately getting on his feet. With his fluster, he gets caught on his coat for a moment, but finds footing to rush to his room and grab his bag. His movements are but a blur as he already runs down the stairs to tell the clerk to bring his tomas quickly. He leaves his key and paces by the entrance.

"Iris..." he keeps repeating your name under his breath, the earpiece still in and playing the repeating distress message.

As soon as the clerk appears with the saddled tomas, Vash rushes over, attaches his gear, and signals the bird to move before he even fully settles into the saddle. He shouts a thank you to the guy over his shoulder as he takes off into the desert. The locals look back at him, confused as to why the man who promised to protect their town suddenly took off.

It would usually take two days to get from Blow Up Hill to Edwards on a tomas, but Vash hurried his bird on all throughout the night and the hot day. He lost the radio signals soon after leaving the town, too much in a hurry to find them again. The only break he took was to take care of the tomas, and even then, the earpiece remained silent, only broadcasting religious channels or some music. He kept pushing his bird, feeling extremely guilty over it, but his mind was racing as to what awaits him in Edwards and what happened. He fears for the worst: that the town has been nearly leveled, the Plants are gone, and the people are doomed to suffer. Where would he find his Iris in all that? Knowing you, probably extremely hurt somewhere trying to recover, or worse, driven away by the people into the desert.

The town came into view late at night, the darkness already covering the dunes. But Vash didn't see smoke and rubble; he saw Edwards, whole and well, with the lights shining brightly, inviting him to come closer. He didn't slow down despite the good signs, and as he reached the edge of town, music and cheers filled the streets. Beer flows from the saloon, people celebrate, some are already asleep under tables, and he hears snippets of what happened while he rushed over. Every gunman first and foremost praises themselves for their impeccable aim and bravery, but as soon as they get past their own egos, Vash starts hearing stories of a ferocious young woman. She appeared out of nowhere in town to become its savior; she was a demon with her blades, tearing through metal and leather alike. She scared off the group of bandits; who knows, maybe they were even assassins and killers. She showed no fear, the fire in her eyes lighting up the raiders with fear and the defenders with courage.

"Iris," he sighs with relief, but he knows he won't find you among the people. His eyes move up, trying to find a sign of you on the rooftops, but he comes out empty handed. He heads to the motel and leaves his tired tomas in their care.

"Hi! I'm looking for someone," he says as he approaches the front desk, and an older woman raises her eyes.

"Oh! Hello!" She sounds cheerful. "It wouldn't be the wonderful young girl who saved our town, would it? She said she's expecting a gentleman in a bright red coat to come around."

"Yes..." he smiles with relief. "That's her."

"Here, she has the room 201 booked." She hands Vash a key. "Just go up the stairs and to the right. It's the first door. I'm sure it won't give you any trouble!"

Vash nearly skips away from the desk and hurries up the stairs to your door.

For more information and chapters, check out the MASTERLIST.

← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

[theangriestpea]

Big Mood (pt 2)

→ Part One ←

Request: Another anon request for SP (or Malachai) with a Plus-sized Reader with anxiety. So....I copped out by making a part two to Big Mood.

Pairing: Sweet Pea x PS!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k+

Warnings: public sex, daddy kink mention, weight mention?, body image issues.

“And don’t worry, you’ll be coming again later.”

You were on edge all night. Despite Sweet Pea’s reassurance that you looked ravishing, and even him pleasuring you before you left, you still felt so exposed. Every so often you had to tug your dress down to keep it at what you thought was an acceptable length. Pea would just shake his head at you and tell you to stop worrying.

But you could feel people staring and your destructive thoughts had your anxiety on high. Despite taking some medication for it while you were getting ready, Pea had you out so long that it had worn off. Now you were just a tight ball of raw nerves ready to explode. That is until Sweets took you out to a secluded part of Fox Forest after your dinner at the same restaurant he took you to on your first date six months ago.

All in all it was very sweet and he made sure to make it special, holding your hand across the table, stroking the back of it with his thumb to try and calm you down. He could see that you were struggling, but he also knew that when you got like this it was hard to calm you down with just words of encouragement.

It seemed a little out of character for him to be so thoughtful. He normally didn’t put a whole lot of effort into your dates, usually you did casual things like go to the movies or to Pop’s. This was something much nicer. You appreciated all the work he put into it but you felt like you were ruining it with your damn anxiety.

He led you to a blanket spread out with an excellent view of Sweet Water River. You smiled lightly, “Sweet Pea…this is too much. You didn’t need to do all this for me.”

“Of course I did.” Sweet Pea said, sitting down on the blanket. “You’re special to me and I wanted to show it. I asked Toni what I should do for our anniversary and this is what she suggested. I’m guessing by your reaction that I did well?”

You sat down next to him, smoothing out your dress so that it didn’t ride up too high. “It’s perfect, really.”

He looked over at you, his dark eyes glistening in the moonlight, “but?”

“I feel like I’m ruining it.” You blurted out. “My heart won’t stop racing, I feel like I can’t breathe, I feel like everyone is staring at me.”

He grabbed your hand to hold it lovingly, “if anyone is staring at you, princess, it’s because of how good you look tonight. You’re not ruining anything, I promise.”

You let out a shallow breath before flashing him a small smile. “Now, there’s no one out here but us.” He leaned over and kissed you gently, “I know it doesn’t help to tell you to stop worrying, but we’re alone now. Just take deep breaths. Remember what I said earlier?”

You tried thinking back to anything he notable he might have said, “When?”

“Before we left your house.” Sweet Pea said, a devious look crossing his face. A blush crept up your cheeks as you thought back to the orgasm he had given you. And his words that you’d be coming again.

You tried to turn your face from him but he grabbed it before you could. “You look so sexy tonight, gorgeous. This dress is perfect, keeping my hands to myself has been eating me alive all night.”

His hand touched your knee before creeping up your leg to your thigh. Your eyes met his, seeing the brown orbs filled with desire and want. You parted your lips slightly to wet them with your tongue and before you could even retract it back, Sweet Pea was kissing you open-mouthed.

You moaned lightly as he pushed you back gently so he could move on top of you. His tongue met with yours, swirling around and wrestling with it. His hand that was on your thigh continued to push upwards. You lifted your hips slightly so he could push the hem up to the top of your wide hips.

His thumbs brushed over the elastic of your lace thong and you started to squirm with anticipation beneath him. Sweet Pea let out a small chuckle as he started to leave wet kisses down your jawline and neck. He reached up and tugged the top of the strapless dress down to expose your breasts.

Suddenly he pulled away after feeling the bra, “what the hell is this?” He asked, confused at the sight of it. There was only a clasp in the middle of the adhesive bra. He had never actually seen one before and he wasn’t sure how to take it off.

You let out a giggle before peeling it off slowly for him, setting it carefully to the side so that the adhesive wouldn’t get dirty. “It’s girl magic.”

Sweet Pea grinned before descending onto your breasts, leaving bite marks and sucking on the tender flesh. You let out another soft moan, one of your hands moving to run through his hair as he blew lightly onto your nipple to harden it. Once satisfied he put his mouth around it, licking the hard piece of flesh before starting to suck on it. The erotic feeling causing you to become wet between your thighs.

“Sweet Pea,” You mumbled as he switched to the other side, doing the same thing. You rubbed your thighs together in a feeble attempt at relief for how turned on you were. You let out a surprised squeak when he suddenly bit down playfully to leave his mark, just like he had done on your thighs hours before.

Pea chuckled as he pulled his mouth away from you. Your hands went to his pants to fiddle with his belt, unbuckling it before unzipping his zipper and undoing his button. Sweet Pea just stared down at you darkly as your hand wiggled into his pants to feel his partially hard cock.

He let out a small groan at your tentative touch. You rubbed him at an agonizingly slow pace. Sweet Pea moved his hands back to your underwear and yank them downward eagerly.

His fingers were soon in your wet folds, probing your clit in a teasing manner equal to how you were touching him. You let out a whine, making Sweet Pea smirk. “You’re so wet, baby.” He said, rubbing your bundle of nerves in torturous circles.

You pulled his dick out fully so you could stroke him a little faster. You could feel it hardening under your touch. Sweet Pea thrust lightly into your grip as he bit back a moan. “How do you want it, princess?”

You bit your lip as you looked up at him, “just like this.” He nodded and pulled your thong completely off before spreading your legs. You released your grip on him so that he’d be able to move more freely.

Sweet Pea rubbed your thighs, admiring their size and how smooth they were. He grabbed the base of his penis and lined his tip up with your entrance. A shudder of anticipation ran through you as he slowly pushed in the tip.

A moan escaped from you as he slid all the way in, taking a beat to revel in the feeling of you around him before moving back out. He quickly jerked his hips forward into a fast pace that had more moans spilling from your mouth. Sweet Pea grabbed one of your legs, hoisting it up so that it was over his shoulder to get a deeper angle. Despite your size you were actually fairly flexible. 

“Sweet Pea,” You mewled as he increased his already quick pace, his thumb came to rub your clit again, increasing the amount of pleasure you were feeling. You didn’t care that you were out in public or that anyone could see you. It actually added to the excitement.

“That’s right, baby girl. Take it for daddy. You like being fucked out in the open?” Sweet Pea practically growled at you, resulting in you becoming even wetter for him.  

Your hips met his in a perfect rhythm. After a few minutes of him gradually increasing his pace, you started to keep the familiar pressure build up in the bottom of your abdomen. Pea could always tell when you were close, his thumb worked your clit even faster to bring you over the edge.

Sweet Pea came the same time you did, spilling his hot semen deep inside of you. Thank god you were on the pill, you thought as you felt him fill up your core. He panted as he slowly pulled out, white cum seeping out with his cock.

He put your leg down and laid down beside you to continue to catch his breath. “Happy Anniversary, baby.” He said as he pulled you close to him.

You nuzzled your nose into his chest lovingly, “Happy Anniversary, Pea.”

[sweetsspea]

3am Comforts

69. “Why are you baking muffins at 3 in the morning?”

You and Jughead had gotten into a fight that night, right before bed. This fight was a bad one resulting in him sleeping on the couch, leaving you to your own devices in the bed. This had never happened before, you and Jug almost never fought. As you laid in bed you were unable to sleep, all you could think about was the fight, wondering if you and Jug were okay, as the night went on, your anxiety heightened. Usually when your anxiety acted up Jug was there for you but this time, he wasn’t an option.

Your brain then went onto to try and find another way to calm your nerves, this led you to think of your mother. Your mother was always so at peace and tranquil. She had passed away 3 years ago. To just say you missed her was an understatement, you missed everything about her, her smell, her eyes, her voice, her hugs, her food, especially her baking. She was the best at baking. Suddenly you had a craving for warm, fresh, good smelling muffins. You decided that instead of continuing to lay in bed, you’d make yourself some muffins to fill your craving. You got out of bed and headed to the kitchen, turning on the light, disregarding the fact that Jughead was sleeping not that far away.

You began pulling out all the ingredients needed for muffins. You turned the oven on and sat it to the correct temperature , then began mixing everything up in one huge bowl. Once the mix was done you went to go pour it into the muffin pan but dropped the spoon on accident, causing a loud sound to fill the small trailer.

“Y/N, is that you?” You heard Jughead ask, as he got off the couch and slowly began walking towards you.

“Damnit,” you cursed under your breath, realizing that not only were you gonna be tired and grumpy tomorrow, but he was too.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making muffins,” you replied as if it were the most normal thing ever, he quickly checked the time on his phone,

“Why are you baking muffins at 3 in the morning?”

[xsuperhero-expertx]

Thunderstorm Sadness

So I saw a one line promt list and decided to get one shot ideas from it bc writers block and I wanna start writing more.😕

Warnings: language: storms: anxiety: animal cruelty (not in a weird way. Malachai stabs an animal) it’s for the sake of the fic I’m sorry.

(A/n this is before Toni and Cheryl got a thing going on)

Y/n =Your Name Y/n/n= Your NickName

Promt: “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”

—

Hanging out at my trailer with Sweet Pea, Fangs and Toni is always fun. Always.

Tonight is so exception. We’re all unwinding and coming down from the stressful week of work/school

So Friday night trudition is to hang out at whomevers trailer and play games, watch movies, eat a shit ton of unhealthy foods, and drink.

Playing truth or dare or always a strange thing. The way we play is if you don’t do the dare you lose an article of clothing. If you do the dare you can either put an article of clothing back on that you lost, or you can make another player lose an article of clothing. (Serpent jackets don’t count)

And that’s how we’re in our current situation. Sitting in a cirlcle in the middle of the living room. Fangs is in his underwear, Sweet Pea is only in jeans, Toni is fully clothed, and I lost my bra. I decided to take it off out from under my shirt to make things interesting. It gets boring playing the same way every week. All week long we all discuss and think of new questions/ dares to use during the game.

Sweet pea: “Y/n, Truth or dare?”

Y/n “Truth”

Sweet pea: “Is it true you’re related to Malachai?”

Y/n: “Yes” “Moving on. Toni, Truth or dare?”

Toni: “Dare”

Y/n: “I dare you to text Cheryl and confess your feelings for her”

Toni: “I’m taking my shirt off”

Y/n :”finee” you whine “When will you just tell her?!”

Toni: “When I’m ready.” “Next question. Sweet Pea Truth or Dare?”

Sweet Pea: “Dare”

Toni: “I dare you to tell us who your crush is”

Sweet Pea: “Jesus, Toni what is this? Are we in the fifth grade?” Sweet Pea rolls his eyes.

Thunder crashes outside and the lights go out

Fangs screams like a little girl and hops into Toni’s lap.

Sweets: “Well..” “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”

Y/n pushes herself back until her back is flushed against the front of the couch. She brings her knees up to her chest and buries her face in them.

Sweet Pea pulls out his zippo lighter and flicks it open.

“Yo Y/n, you got any candles or flashlights?”

“In the drawer beside the oven”

“Thanks” he mumbles quietly headed to the kitchen to find the candles.

Toni: “You alright Y/n?”

Y/n: “Yeah I’m fine”

Sweet pea re-enters the room and sets the already lit candles upon the coffee table.

Pea: “You guy’s alright?”

Y/n “I’m fine”

Toni “Me too”

Fangs just hums in agreement

It thunders again, a flash of lightning lights up the window causing Y/n to flinch and hold onto her legs tighter.

Pea: “Y/n/n, You sure you’re alright?”

Y/n: “Yeah. I’m gonna go change into sweatpants I’ll be back in a minute”

Getting up and walking into her bedroom Y/n sets on the end of the beds and lets the tears fall from her eyes. She’s always hated thunderstorms. Ever since she was a kid. She couldn’t stand them. But her fear got worse when her step brother framed her for something she didn’t do, her father kicked her out. In the middle of a thunderstorm with no where to go. A backpack full of her essentials and valuable things to her. Her mother was long gone. Went to go live with her side boyfriend mark in New York.

Flashback:

Having nowhere to go she wandered around the Southside in the dark. Walking past the wyrm, she thought about going in. Walking past it, being taught to never go there is what keeps replaying in her head. “The serpents are bad people and you never ever go on serpent territory, you hear me?!” Her father yells in her face, when finding out her best friend lives in sunnyside trailer park. She was 10. Her best friend being Toni Topaz granddaughter of a Serpent made things worse. Being kicked out at 15 was difficult. Changing her mind she walked back towards the wyrm and decided to seek shelter from the storm there. Walking in she noticed Toni and her Granddad. Both clad in serpent jackets laughing and having a good time. Nobody noticing her. Leaving her backpack outside the door under the roof of the porch makes it easier to move around and seemingly being undetected. Trying to weasel her way to Toni someone stops her. “Look! Someone who isn’t a Serpent is on serpent land” “What should we do with this one?!” tell boy yells. “Nothing” FP says venom lacing his voice. He recognized her as Toni and Jugheads friend. Toni now realizing who it is rushed to her side. “Y/n?! What are you doing here?! I thought your dad told you to never step foot in any part of serpent territory? That’s why you could never come visit.” “That’s why you should never come visit!”

“Yeah Tone. He said that. He also said about an hour ago that I’m a disgrace to my family and I am never to be seen again.”

“And that if I ever show my face at their door again they’ll end me.” She lets out a shaky sob. “Malachai framed me! He put a fucking dead animal in the yard that was stabbed to death and had a knife in it. He told dad it was me. He framed me! And my dad, MY OWN DAD. He believed him” she sobs. “He believed Malachai over me” she falls into Toni’s arms.

—

Sweet Pea knocks on Y/n’s door. “You alright Y/n/n? You’ve been in there a while.”

“Y-yeah” Y/n says. Her voice being shakey and cracking unintentionally.

“No you’re not. I’m coming in.”

He opens the door to see her setting on the bed against the headboard. Hugging the pillow against her chest so tight it’s making her arms ache.

“Y/n” Pea says softly. “What happened?”

“I’m fine, Pea. Really.”

“Okay.” He holds his hands up in surrender “I know you’re not okay. But I won’t push it. You need a hug?” Sweet Pea never hugs anyone. Ever.

She looks extremely shocked. But she throws herself into his arms anyway. He sets down on the edge of the bed. Her in his lap. One hand playing with her hair, the other rubbing her back.

“It’s okay Y/n” “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

She takes a deep breath. “I-i hate thunderstorm so much Pea. I always have. Everything is piling on top of me now. You mentioning I’m related to Malachai. The thunderstorm. I dreamt about the memory of being kicked out last night. It’s all piling on top Pea. And I just crumbled under the weight” She sobs “Malachai is my step brother. He framed me for torturing and killing an animal. Which then caused my father to kick me out at the age of 15. During a fucking thunderstorm. I ended up in the Wyrm.” “That’s how I became a Serpent”

“Oh.” Sweet Pea breathes out. “If I had known. I wouldn’t have mentioned his name. I’m so sorry Y/n”

“It’s fine Pea really”

“Y/n” Pea whispers. “If it’s any consolation, my crush. Is you.” He rests his forehead against hers. “Wasn’t plannin’ on saying anything but I thought it’d make you feel better.”

“It isn’t a hint to something more. I’m not pushing it or anything. I’m just. I just. Jesus.” He takes a deep breath. “I just want-“

“Oh shut up and kiss me Pea”

Within a split second his lips were on hers. Not rushed, or needy. Just passionate and gentle. Nothing you’d expect from the infamous Sweet Pea.

“I think I’m starting to fall in love with you Y/n”

“I’ve been in love with you Sweet Pea”

[fandomtrash713]

Calmed Down By Sweet Pea

Rating: everyone??

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Warnings: anxiety, anxiety attacks, nightmares

Everything was black. 

I was screaming, fighting against the invisible hands that were holding me down. Fear ripped through my body, every cell shaking. Someone was shaking my shoulder, shouting (y/n) from somewhere far away. 

“(Y/n)!”

I was drenched in sweat, shaking. Black dots danced across my vision for a few moments, my own heavy breathing filling my ears. “(Y/n), you’re safe. You’re safe.” 

I blinked a few times, trying to shake the hands from my dream. I felt arms wrap around me tighter. “(Y/n), everything is okay. It was just a nightmare.” Sweet Pea pressed his lips to my neck and ran his hands down my arm, calming me. 

These nightmares didn’t come often, but when they did, they often lead to a panic attack. The first few were the worst because I didn’t know how to handle it. But eventually, with the help of Sweet Pea, we both learned how to handle it.

“(Y/n), you’re safe. You’re okay. Just breathe with me, baby, breathe with me.” I took a deep breath in time with him. I focused on his hands trailing up and down my arm, grounding me. His chest pressed against my back and I took another breath.

I rolled onto my other side and curled up in his arms. “Scale of one to ten, princess?” Sweet Pea whispered, pushing a few hairs away from my face. 

“Four,” I whispered. I took another deep breath. “Five.”

“Progress,” he whispered back, smiling. “Same nightmare as always?”

“Yeah. Darkness, the hands, everything.”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “It’ll be okay, (y/n).” He continued tracing his fingers on my arms and my face. I had stopped shaking and finally closed my eyes again. 

“I love you, (y/n),” Sweet Pea said, his voice low. 

“I love you, too, Sweets.”

[bonky-n-steeb]

call me when you want (ii)

summary || when you call a sex hotline with a need to be dominated you don’t expect to meet (or hear) someone as wonderful as James. but your life becomes a complicated mess as you already love your coworker, Bucky Barnes. however, you are unaware that they are actually the same person.

warnings || BDSM, Dom! Bucky Barnes, dom/sub dynamics, phone sex, dirty talk, identity porn, masturbation, sex toys, mention of spanking, praise kink. MINORS DNI.

I have decided to not do taglists anymore, so if you wished to be notified of my newest updates please follow @bonky-n-steeb-lib and turn on the notifications!

This chapter is a roller coaster… hope you like it ;)

series masterlist

The phone was going to slip out of his hand when he first realised whose voice it was on the other end.

He didn’t actually get it when he heard that meek little ‘hey!’ But when he heard the tone and the timber of ‘Hello James. I… ummm,,… I’m Maria!’ That very instant his whole world took a one eighty degree turn. It couldn’t be. He must be dreaming.

Every since Bucky had come back, he needed some semblance of control. Not just on his life, but a little on others too. It was like reclaiming the control once taken from him.

Bucky’s best friend might be Steve, but the one to know his secrets was Natasha. They both were two peas in a pod and both knew what the other had gone through. ���

In the beginning, he had attended a few sex clubs to get rid of that itch. But the chances of being identified were too much.

But then, Nat had suggested this hotline and phone sex worked perfectly for Bucky. It was the perfect outlet for him and at the same time it wasn’t too personal. And all he had to do was use his imagination and buy another phone.

He had thought it was just another person he had to dom for the night when he first picked up your call. He cared for his subs, a lot, but only for the time he was their dom. He didn’t really know any one of them on a personal level.

But he knew this customer.

How could he not?

It was you.

He should’ve known something this unexpected was going happen the moment Natasha had told him ‘You’re going to get a very special surprise in few days.’ With a mischievous smirk, around a week back.

He had been very alert after that ominous message, expecting the worst to happen. But your call came like a train and threw him completely out of the loop.

When he saw you everyday in the office, you were very sweet and helpful. Always smiling and very hardworking. A little goofy at times, but he loved all of it.

He loved you.

It was a crazy feeling when he first realised it. Everyday he used to get up and get excited to meet you. After working out early morning, he used to give you a visit and wish you a good morning.

He didn’t actually realise that he was in love with you until one day you didn’t come to work and he was utterly upset that he won’t be seeing your happy smile.

Hearing you go all sweet for him was his craziest fantasy. And Natasha was a fairy godmother for making it come true. He had to thank her later.

He was incredibly hard as he heard you moan and call him sir. But he didn’t want to miss even one small sound made by you. Hearing you come for him was truly a moment he wasn’t going to forget.

He didn’t want the call to end, but at the same time he did want it to end so he could jerk off in peace. Once the call was done, he came in his hands in record breaking speed.

The only regret he had was that he couldn’t see you. Soon Bucky, soon, he told himself.

~~~

You impatiently tapped your legs as you waited outside the gym. You blew breath out of your teeth and steadied yourself. You can do this.. it’s not a big deal. Many people do it right?

It had been three days since your call, but you and James had started chatting. He was a really nice guy. Probably one of the best. And for your next session, Bucky had told you to buy toys. And from that second on, your anxiety was troubling you.

You hadn’t ever been to an adult shop before and you had no idea what to buy. Bucky had given you few recommendations, but they weren’t helping much.

You could buy toys online, but you didn’t want it to be reflected on your credit card. So you decided to approach the person who started this all, Nat. Now that’s what you were doing standing outside the gym.

Though Nat was your best friend, it still was going to be awkward to talk about this. You had prepared a mental speech but you weren’t sure if it was effective.

“Hey Nat!” You called out as Nat walked out the door. “Hello. What are you doing here?” You were honestly the last person she expected to see waiting for her.

She was clearly tired and was wearing workout clothes. It was better to talk later, you thought to yourself. “Ummm, Nat I…” your sentence derailed when you saw Bucky come out through the gym doors.

Bucky was dripping with sweat and the wet shirt was sticking to his body defining his muscles. You couldn’t help but think how you wanted to lick him clean.

“If you’re done ogling you can start speaking.” Nat sneakily whispered in your ear. You closed your open jaw; you had no idea when it opened but you were sure drooling for Bucky.

“Yeah about that.. I want to talk to you about something. But… first you freshen up and then we’ll talk. But do it quick” Nat gave you an inquisitive look but didn’t dig deep. “Okay boss!” She shouted as she walked away.

Now that left only you and Bucky standing in the corridor. “What are you doing here?” He asked with a pleasant smile. Bucky was good with the ladies once, he wasn’t sure he could say that now.

“Work.” You answered without missing a beat. “The answers you give me sometimes…” he said shaking his head, but he was more amused than annoyed. “Do you talk like this with just me or it’s a common thing.”

You just shrugged unsure about what to say. “Do you need any help?” Bucky knew exactly what you wanted Nat’s help for. Just yesterday he had told you to buy some toys and he was pretty sure what work you had with Nat.

He saw the way your face heated up and you quickly turned around to hide it. He shouldn’t have, but he really liked the way you were squirming. Oh, how he longed to have you squirming beneath him as he rammed his cock into you.

He was going to hell for this, for sure.

“No.. nothing. Just regular talks with Natasha.” Yeah, if regular talks included asking which dildo was the most pleasurable, your internal monologue was never ending. “You can ask for me anything, okay?”

Really? Then please fuck me!… No, sane people do not ask such things. Goddamn you and your horny brain. Get back on track. You just nodded, “Thank you Bucky.”

He smiled and boy, his lips were so beautiful you wanted to bite them. You had to call James tonight to get this edge off.

Gladly before you embarrassed yourself further, Nat came back. She was now wearing casual clothes and she slung her arm around you. “So what were you two talking about?”

“Nothing just regular talks with my friend.” Bucky smirked as he repeated your sentence. “Bye!” With a mock salute, he walked away.

“You should tell him you know? I fear one day you are going to burst with all your lovely dovey emotions.” You pulled her hand and walked into the elevator. “Where are we going?”

“Outside. I don’t want FRIDAY and Tony listening.” Nat narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “Is it about James?” She wiggled her perfect eyebrows.

You just nodded shyly. She nudged you with her elbow and you knew you’d never hear the end of this. “Soooo… did you like him? Is he that hot, sexy, mysterious, guy you needed in your life.”

“I don’t even know if he’s hot.” You said with such nonchalance as if you weren’t dying to talk to him again. “I can tell you he’s hot.” Your head snapped in her direction.

Did she know who James was? “Do you know him?” She just shook her shoulders and you didn’t know if that was an yes or a no.

“Are you his sub too?” You whispered in her ear. “No. I’m a dom myself. But wait, were you getting jealous?” You just rolled your eyes as you two finally walked out of that metal box.

“No. It’s nothing like that.” You said as you exited the stark tower. “Listen, I know I gave you that number myself but don’t get involved with him. Don’t start having feeling for an unknown man whose real name you don’t even know. Instead try telling Bucky.”

“I won’t fall for him. I already love someone else.” But you can love two people at a time. That annoying voice in your head chimed up. No no no, you won’t fall for James.

“I know and that’s why I’m telling you to talk to Bucky. He likes you too.” But what if he didn’t? You would make such a fool out of yourself and everyone would make fun of you. Bucky won’t even talk to you after that.

“You’re not playing fair Natasha, you gave me his number and now you’re telling me to not fall in love with him.” You chewed your bottom lip nervously.

“I just wanted you to get confident and stop thinking that the world would end if you do something you want to do. Just please talk to Bucky once.” You hadn’t expected her to plead you.

“Anyway, we’ll talk about my feeling later on but today I need your help for something else. James has asked me to buy some toys and therefore I need a good shop and a good recommendation and a good cheerleader by my side as I take that quest.”

“I’ll be your guide, your teacher, your friend, your cheerleader, your soulmate and anything else you need. So let’s go and raid those sexy dildos.”

You looked around with wide eyes to see if anyone heard her. “Meet me after work and we’ll go together, okay?” With a long sigh you agreed. “Okay.”

~~~

You chewed your bottom lip nervously as you waited for James to answer the call. He didn’t make you wait much and answered at the first ring.

“Hello!” Your nerves were eased a little after hearing his choppy tone. “Hey!” No matter how much you tried, Nat’s words were still ringing in your ear.

On the other hand, Bucky had been impatiently waiting for your call. Today he was going to tell you to fuck yourself on a dildo and he couldn’t wait to hear your needy moans.

But your voice didn’t seem as happy. Were you not satisfied with him? “What happened? Is everything okay?” He just hoped this won’t be your last call.

You loved that James could tell something was wrong with just an ‘hey’ from your side. “Can I tell you something James? It’s like… I know nothing about you. I’m not even sure if your real name is James or not. I know what I signed up for when calling you.

But it still feels so distant to not know anything about someone you trust so much. And I know I sound like a cranky baby, but maybe… this all is not made for me.”

“You don’t sound stupid at all. I’m so glad to be your dom, you have no idea. It’s my honour that you trust me, sweets. And yes, my real name is James. If I tell you something about myself that no one else knows, will you at least consider going ahead with this?

Your ears perked up at that. “Something that no one else knows? Really James? How many women have you told this to?” Bucky could hear your teasing tone.

“No one else. Just you baby girl. Promise.” You snuggle deeper into your bed. “Go ahead then, tell me!” You were excited to know his secret.

“My right nipple is pierced.” That one sentence was all it took to make you horny again. “Really? And no one knows? Like.. do you make your partner close their eyes during sex or something?” You giggled.

“I haven’t had sex after I got it and I don’t really walk naked on the street.” You didn’t know if he was saying the truth, but there was no harm in believing him. How would Bucky look with his nipple pierced?

Bucky had gotten it pierced as he wanted to have some autonomy over his body. It had been an impulsive decision but he didn’t regret it at all. And no one else knew about it, not even Steve. The tactical suits were thick enough to hide it.

“Tell me baby girl, what would you do with it?” Your pussy started dripping as you imagined all the scenarios. “I would lick it and bite it and pull it with my teeth, sir.”

Had god taken note of all your dirty fantasies and made James? “Such a naughty little kitten. But after you misbehave like that with me, I’d tie you up and spank your ass raw, you’d like it wouldn’t you?”

“Oh yes! I want you to do that so much. Fuck!” You were imagining yourself bent on Bucky’s thigh as he spanked you with his metal arm. “Hmm.. what toys have you got?”

You eyed the toys neatly laid down besides you. You and Nat had finally gone to the store and bought a few toys. The entire time you were just burning with embarrassment as Nat walked around the store as if she owned it.

“I’ve got a dildo, not too big not small either, I mean I bought a size I was comfortable with. And I got a vibrator, a bottle of lube… and a butt plug.” You honestly didn’t know why you had bought the butt plug but Nat had suggested and you’d obeyed.

“That’s an interesting range of toys. I wish I was there to see you fuck yourself on it. Today, we are just going to use the dildo.” You nodded excitedly despite knowing he won’t see you.

When you didn’t reply he asked you, “What’s your colour?” Without missing a beat you answered, “Green. Sir, so fucking green. Please!” Now you couldn’t wait to fuck yourself.

“My girl is so eager for me. But before that, I need you to prep yourself. Are you wet baby girl?” James sure had a way with words. “Yes sir. I’m very wet. And I’m already naked.”

You didn’t want to waste much time in removing your clothes. “Good girl!” The praise went straight to your pussy. “Take your middle and pointer finger and fuck yourself on them till your feel comfortable enough.”

Sitting with your back to the headboard, you spread your legs and started playing with yourself. You circled your clit before plunging your fingers into your weeping hole.

Bucky pulled his dick out of his boxers when he heard you moan. He didn’t want to finish himself any soon so he just slowly stroked it.

Soon after you felt like you were prepared for the dildo. “Sir, I need more!” Your voice was so needy, Bucky wanted to rush to your home and fuck you.

“Take the toy baby girl. Lube it up well and fuck yourself with it. Imagine it’s me as I fuck you while you’re tied up. And all you’re allowed to do is sing for me.”

You did as Bucky said and pressed in the toy with a loud moan. “Sir… I..” the toy filled you so perfectly, inch by inch was pure heaven. You closed your eyes and just enjoyed the stretch.

“You like it don’t you, my kitten?” Bucky could hear every little moan and sigh you made. He started jerking himself faster and he couldn’t help but groan out.

“Sir… are you touching yourself too?” You heard a loud curse before the answer. “Yes. How can I not when you’re making such sweet sounds for me?”

You were making him do it, was an excellent boost for your confidence. Taking the end in your hand, you started earnestly fucking yourself with it. And the only thing you imagined was Bucky fucking you as he came back after working out.

But no matter what you did, you wanted him close. You wanted him to run his hands on you and you wanted him to hold you close after this was done. You wanted James to… Did you want James or did you want Bucky? Was Natasha right?

Before you could overthink, the coil in your belly tightened, “I… I’m close.” Bucky’s grunts weren’t helping you any to stave off your orgasm. “God, you’re so perfect for me. I’d fuck you till you come again and again and only when you’re dizzy with pleasure I’d come in you.”

“Please.. please let me cum sir!” Bucky was close himself. “Who do you belong too? Whose baby girl are you?” You loved and hated that he was prolonging it.

“Yours!”

“Come for me.”

Both of your orgasmed at the same time. Your legs closed around your hand as they shook with the intensity of it and you arched your back. It felt better than heaven, better than ecstasy.

Bucky came so hard he was almost going to crush the phone in his hand. But before he could speak to you, the door to his bedroom opened and Steve fucking Rogers walked in.

“So I was thinki…. Woahhh!” Steve shouted as he saw Bucky laying in his bed in the puddle of his own cum with his hand still on his dick and his phone clutched tightly with the other hand.

“What the fuck Steve! Get out!” James shouted so loudly that you had to take the phone away from your ear. Steve?

“I’m so sorry! It was just my idiot roommate.” Bucky sighed as Steve left just as quickly as he came. “It’s alright!” James and Steve…?

Your brain couldn’t help but think that in Avengers tower, Bucky and Steve did share a suite. And now that you paid attention, James voice sounded a bit familiar.

“Do I know you?” You flat out asked. “Umm, yeah. I’m James! And we just almost had sex.” Bucky tried deflecting your question. “I probably sound like an idiot, but your voice seems familiar to someone I know and well, I know a James and Steve too who are roommates.”

“First, I don’t know who you are and second, I’m pretty sure I’m not who you think I am.” lies lies lies. Bucky was sitting on a throne of sin.

“Yeah… it would be so awkward if you were someone I knew. Especially the guy I’m thinking.” Bucky eyebrows furrowed. “Why don’t you want me to be that James guy?”

“It’s just complicated. Anyway today was fun. Thank you sir!” You just wanted to end this call. “You’re welcome. Take care of yourself. Bye.” With a small goodbye, you hung.

You shouldn’t have done this. It was a stupid move to call this guy and an even stupider move to start liking him and the stupidest move of the century was to love Bucky. This wasn’t going to end how you thought it would.