#swayze is angry

[dontsnortpixiestix]

KITTY!

[found--family]

they couldn't let cesar and jesse return bc they would've taken one look at dean and cas interacting and known they had it bad for each other

[darrys-laundry]

Something Something Darry beating the shit out of anyone who threatens his brothers. *Deep Sigh* I truly love that guy 🥰

oo, i have thoughts about this!

buckle up because i’m about to nerd out:

so, i just watched patrick swayze’s film road house for the first time last night. (absolute bonkers film, total cult classic, you just have to see it, okay?) so, swayze’s character, dalton, is a bouncer hired to clean up this bar called the double deuce. the first three-ish bar fights we see are choreographed around dalton’s stillness. it’s fucking beautiful. he doesn’t flinch. he hardly moves. he gets stabbed and the dude comes off far more unaffected than anyone else would be in that situation.

‘do you enjoy pain?’ kelly lynch’s character asks him later.

‘pain don’t hurt.’

anyways, he comes to clean up the double deuce, right? he lays down three rules:

‘one: never underestimate your opponent. expect the unexpected. two: take it outside. never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. three: be nice. if somebody gets in your face and calls you a c*cksucker, be nice. ask him to walk, be nice. if he won’t walk, walk him. but be nice. if you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you. and you’ll both be nice. i want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.’ ‘well, how’re we supposed to know when that is?’ someone asks. ‘you won’t. i’ll let you know,’ swayze says, ‘you are the bouncers, i am the cooler. all you have to do is watch my back and each others’. take out the trash.’

i found all of this super interesting because i’d just read brent’s interview with pop culturalist where he says:

‘darrel, in my opinion, is a very volatile character—he’s either incredibly still or explosively kinetic. the stillness is the potential energy that builds and then launches into the kinetic energy. without that stillness the movement means nothing.’

and the thing you need to know about road house is that it’s basically a karate western set in the 80s, okay?

brent says (of throwing in the towel):

‘you have to earn the stillness by fully committing to the energy in the scene before. it’s the same the other way around. for example, in ‘grease got a hold,’ darrel is very still and stoic. if you don’t commit to that stillness, then you don’t earn the energy that comes later. darrel is like a pendulum—he swings between stillness and action, and it’s the interplay of those extremes that define him.’

swayze’s dalton and brent’s darrel are two sides of the same coin.

in fact, the reason i’ve given you the lowdown on road house is because it helped me understand what brent was talking about.

so, do i think darrel beats the shit out of anyone who threatens his brothers?

well…

i think there’s a stillness there.

he doesn’t fight dally right away during their confrontation (he does shove dally first, but only after provoked, and only after breaking that stoicism), and he doesn’t throw the first punch at the rumble.

(granted, i know he’s caught off guard during the latter in both the musical and the book, but still.)

i think about darry and dog motifs almost daily.

‘his bark is worse than his bite,’ doesn’t apply to darry. he will bite, and you will know that he’s about to, because he will tell you.

not always verbally, though. you’ll see it in that stillness.

one thing about dog aggression is 9/10 times there will be signs before biting or attacking. a rigid posture, their ears’ll pin back, a slow wagging tail.

and sometimes, even then, darry’ll surprise himself with that kinetic energy brent described. sometimes dogs don’t tell you, sometimes even they don’t know.

i think about mitski’s lyrics, ‘i get mean when i’m nervous like a bad dog,’ ALL THE TIME.

david lynch published a comic strip titled the angriest dog in the world:

‘the dog who is so angry he cannot move. he cannot eat. he cannot sleep. he can just barely growl. …bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis.’

i don’t think darry’s a violent person, but we know he likes fights:

‘how come you like fights, darry?’ i asked, looking up at him as he stood behind me, leaning in the kitchen doorway. he gave me one of those looks that hide what he’s thinking, but soda piped up, ‘he likes to show off his muscles.’ […] ‘i digested what soda had said. it was the truth. darry liked anything that took strength, like weightlifting or playing football or roofing houses, even if he was proud of being smart too. darry never said anything about it, but i knew he liked fights.’

there’s that scene from isle of the dogs:

‘i’m not a violent dog. i don’t know why i bite.’

i saw it expounded upon once, in a poem:

‘i’m not a violent dog, but i know i can bite.’

i think that’s darry.

i think he’s the stillness that comes with dalton saying, ‘i want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice,’ and i think he’s the protective older brother that’s read between the lines of, ‘i know i can bite.’

‘more often than not, the dog that bites is the dog that thinks he has no other option; i feel as though my body language must constantly be screaming, ‘if you do not keep your fingers out of the bars you are going to get them tore off,’ with my ears back and my teeth bared and my pupils blown wide, chest always heaving, pulse jumping erratically. backed into the corner of my kennel by the world at large.’

if someone threatened soda or pony and darrel caught wind of it, i think they should be scared. and if they do it again, well, he’d told you there’s be consequences.

‘do you ever win a fight?’ kelly lynch’s character asks swayze’s.

‘no one ever wins a fight.’

‘it doesn’t do any good, the fighting and the killing.’ randy says before the rumble, ‘it doesn’t prove a thing.’

darry’s smart. i don’t think he uses that energy until he has to, and i callback to dalton when i say that:

‘well, how’re we supposed to know when that is?’

‘you won’t. i’ll let you know.’

i think his stillness is just as powerful.

he won’t start a fight, but he’ll finish one.

anyways, this has been dog motifs and yap, ig.

[sparklingcid3r]

Do you have thoughts on Darry's pov about Pony getting jumped

If you guys ever want to just have a terrible night, go back and reread the way Pony describes Darry in the first chapter. It’s actually brutal and I can’t believe he let Darry read it😭🙏 He wanted that A bad

Because I swear, yall don’t need my thoughts on Darry’s pov because Pony is pretty much gifting to us, it’s just that it’s muddied by his own personal bias/narration that you miss just how much characterization Darry gets. If you take out Pony’s internal thoughts, you’d think Darry was the tamest/most thoughtful of the bunch through actions alone, even if he comes off a little heated.

I’m gonna go ahead and do it here anyway to show you what I mean. We’ll go in order from Darry’s first appearance to the end of the chapter, but I’m only giving you his actions and his dialogue. Toss up a prayer now bc Darry is done FILTHYYYY

(ignore my highlights, i j started annotating lol)

Immediately we’re introduced to Darry as the person who’s literally getting Pony back on his feet. He’s shaking Pony by the shoulders to get him to respond because he doesn’t always realize his own strength compared to Pony’s. This is probably the relationship he has with most of the gang since he’s most likely the one working out the most consistently of them all, what with his job and gym runs.

But when Pony tells Darry to stop, it’s not like Darry glares at him and says “I’m just checking on you.” Instantly, he recognizes he’s being too rough and apologizes.

This is a few lines later, after the description of Darry and their father, but Darry’s still the only one talking at this point. I thought it was interesting that he jams his fists into his pockets, and my thoughts are that he’s physically restraining himself from Pony as to not hurt him worse, especially since he’s asking Pony how badly he’s just been hurt.

This is Darry’s reaction to Soda calling Pony an okay kid and Pony grinning in response and calling Soda crazy. It’s the most sibling thing I’ve ever seen idk, especially when Darry just grins at Soda’s teasing and lets it go. It’s literally Darry being a softie in front of Pony, but it just doesn’t click for Pony yet give him a minute he’ll get there🙏 in two hundred more pages

I was pretty surprised when I went back and read the book. For some reason I misremembered Darry as being completely hypocritical whenever talking to Pony about school smarts vs street smarts, but he’s pretty much going out of his way to compliment Pony here.

And I mean, these are pretty tame bites at Pony, overall he’s being pretty lighthearted with his words. I wasn’t reading this with an angry Darry in mind, just an exasperated one that wishes his brother thought about his own safety more often so Darry didn’t have to do it for him.

Y’all probably remember this from the movie lmao, I love Patrick Swayze’s portrayal of Darry, I think he nails the character completely. Darry’s so obviously not angry at Pony here, especially not when he’s laying off when Soda tells him to.

Dally is figuring out who’s going to the Nightly Double with him, and I was surprised by Darry’s reaction. Canonically he doesn’t even like movies, Pony literally said it a few pages ago, so he’s either faking his disappointment (lmao) or would have actually gone for Dally, which was wild to think about.

So this was also pretty interesting. Even when I was a kid, my parents let me go outside and play with the neighbors for hours at a time, pretty much until it got dark. Things were veryyy different in the 60s, where it was normal for parents to go to sleep with their kids out in the night and wake up with them home, weekends especially. When considering that their parents are yk, dead, Darry wanting Pony to keep his grades in check on the weekdays only and handing off the reins on the weekend is pretty cool of him imo lol

And this was just adorable

But that’s it, the rest of the chapter is Soda and Pony talking about Darry, and then Pony’s internal monologue about how much he doesn’t need Darry and doesn’t care about him, but that he knows he lying to himself :(

Their relationship is one of the single greatest things in the book and honestly, Hinton makes it clear from the beginning what Pony realizes later: that Darry never once “didn’t care” about Pony or thought of him as a burden. Maybe he’s overbearing sometimes, but for someone who has so much pressure on him nearly all the time, he does a pretty good job with what he’s given 🤷‍♀️

His biggest flaw is his inability to communicate how he’s actually feeling to Pony, who he should know by now doesn’t take well to visual cues. But other than that, gold star for Darry Curtis!⭐️

[somethingvicked]

When Love and Hate Collide

Eddie Munson song-fic.

Song lyrics belong to the band Def Leppard!

warnings: female reader, cruel Eddie, angst!

Eddie walked out of his trailer, seeing you sitting on your own porch in the opposite lot with your boombox beside you, listening to your music. Usually your music taste was similar to his, but when you were in a low mood you always went for power ballads. He used to teased you about that but right now he felt like someone had punched him when he saw you refusing to look in his direction, writing in your notebook, silently lip-syncing to the song.

You could have a change of heart If you would only change your mind Instead of slamming down the phone, girl For the hundredth time

He had tried calling you, reasoning with you, begging your forgiveness but it was plain to see that this time you've had enough.

I got your number on my wall But I ain't gonna make that call When divided we stand, baby United we fall

You two had been best friends forever. Your parents had rented the trailer in the lot opposite his and Wayne's when you were barely four years old and you had hit it off immediately.

He couldn't say when those feelings had developed into love. Maybe when your parents had sent you to camp the whole summer and you hadn't seen each other for two months? Maybe it was when Gareth Heath had commented on how you had come back from summer camp with a 'rack of lamb'? Maybe it was when you said that you had a small crush on Patrick Swayze and he got furious because Swayze was a pretty boy, nothing like him and he wanted you to think of only him.

Yet, he never acted on those feelings, despite the hints you dropped. He was scared that if it didn't work out he would lose you forever. That was his worst nightmare. He'd rather stay just friends then.

Got the time, got a chance, gonna make it Got my hands on your heart, gonna take it All I know I can't fight this flame

It was plain to see that it hurt you. Especially when he got drunk and flirted with other girls - maybe just to see how jealous you got, to ensure him you still loved him and only him - or when he sold weed to cheerleaders and they flirted with him, wearing their short skirts and scratching his arm with their painted nails to get a reduced price.

You never did anything of the sort. You were in love with Eddie and wanted no one else. Good thing you didn't because he might have punched the guy you showed the slighest bit of interest in.

It was only because Patrick Swayze was a hundred miles away in Hollywood - and too old for you - that Eddie hadn't killed him.

Not really, but still.

You could have a change of heart If you would only change your mind 'Cause I'm crazy 'bout you, baby Time after time

But last night at the Hideout when some skank (your words, not his) had all but draped herself over him and he had done nothing to prevent it, despite talking to you merely seconds before, you had slammed down your glass on the bar counter top and walked out.

He had pushed the girl off of him and raced after you wondering what was wrong and you had turned around, looking at him with such hatred in your eyes that he had to take a step back. Your voice was colder than ice when you said: "I'm done. Done, Munson (not Eddie. Munson.). You've been hurting me for years. Friends don't do that. And since you claim that's the only thing we are, then I say it's a shitty friendship and I'm better off without it. We're done. Don't call me. Don't visit. Don't talk to me. Never again."

Without you, one night alone Is like a year without you baby Do you have a heart of stone? Without you Can't stop the hurt inside When love and hate collide

He had been struck by surprise, then paralyzing fear before he shook himself out of it. You couldn't mean it... right? No, you were just angry. You would get over it and understand he didn't mean anything by it. You always did.

He had cursed himself a million times over for not going after you when you walked off. He had gone back inside, thinking a little distance would make you cool down.

It was merely hours later that he realized what a mistake he had made.

When he got home he had tried calling you, but you didn't answer. When your parents answered the phone they didn't even bother lying to him - they said you didn't want to talk to him and that was that.

He went over to your place the next day but you didn't come to the door. He knew you were home because once again your mom refused to lie to him, she simply said that you didn't want to see him and that he had to respect your choice.

When Monday rolled around you took the bus to school from the trailer park. You hadn't done that in years, always riding with him in his van. In school you avoided him like the plague, sitting with Robin instead of the Hellfire table. When the guys heard what had happened they all looked at him as if he had killed someone. Or rather, killed you.

I don't wanna fight no more I don't know what we're fighting for When we treat each other, baby Like an act of war

Now he didn't know what to do. It was like someone had reached into his chest and cut his heart out. He had tried saying sorry, even put letters underneath your door, saying he would do better. You still didn't talk to him.

Deep inside he hoped you would again, that you would realize that you missed him, just like he missed you. But for every day that passed he slowly realized that whatever feelings you had for him, he had fucked up one time too many and the pan of the scale had tipped over.

I could tell a million lies And it would come as no surprise When the truth is like a stranger Hits you right between the eyes

"You got to make this right," Wayne said when Eddie all but cried for help. "You obviously don't see her as a friend. Not to mention you hurt her so many times - trying to have your cake and eat it too! That's such a cruel thing to do, Eddie! I've not raised you to act like that! So tell her how you feel. For real. And you better spend the rest of your time making it up to her!"

There's a time and a place and a reason And I know I got a love to believe in All I know Got to win this time

So that same night he showed up on your porch with his acoustic guitar, strumming out the tones to the song you had played just the other day. Not caring whether your parents heard him or even called the cops on him.

Without you, one night alone Is like a year without you, baby Do you have a heart of stone? Without you Can't stop the hurt inside When love and hate collide

You could have a change of heart If you would only change your mind 'Cause I'm crazy 'bout you, baby Crazy, crazy

You opened the door, meeting his gaze for the first time in days.

"I... I love you, sweetheart," Eddie whispered. "I'm so sorry. So sorry for how I behaved. Please... please give me a chance to make this right. I can't live without you."

You shook your head. "I'm so goddamn angry at you, Eddie Munson. But... I love you too I thought it would be easier, living without you. It's not! I miss you so much!"

Eddie smiled and ran up to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly, both of them crying.

"But I'm telling you now - I'll castrate you if you ever hurt me again!" Y/N whispered and Eddie chuckled.

"I'll hand you the knife, baby."

"Don't bother - I'll use a spoon."

Without you, one night alone Is like a year without you, baby Do you have a heart of stone? Without you, one night alone Is like a year without you, baby If you have a heart at all Without you I can't stop the hurt inside When love and hate collide

@eddiemunsonfuxks

(please, like, comment and reblog!

Your likes are wonderful, but reblogs expand my reading circle!)

[alaskan-wallflower]

I have never seen the outsiders musical but C Thomas Howell will forever be the perfect Ponyboy to me. He was such a cutie back then and really played the role so well. I also think Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and Ralph Macchio were perfectly cast in terms of how I pictured them. Dallas is the one I go back and forth on. I love Matt Dillon and he’s a great actor but I felt like his Dally was too tortured-sadboy and not angry enough like how he is in the book. Plus he looks about the exact opposite of how I imagined book Dally, he’s too handsome. I always pictured Dally kinda scary looking.

yeah, i had a feeling that was a hot take lol-but idk. i just really enjoyed brody grant’s performance. he’ll always kinda remind me of ponyboy. i can agree that soda pop and darry will forever be patrick and rob but i dunno. i can 100% agree on dally though. nobody gets him right. in the book it said he had white-blonde hair, elvish features and ice blue eyes but in the movie he’s matt dillon. i was honestly never a fan of matt dillon, in the movie he was fine. not my favorite. like you said, he was kinda just not angry enough. ralph macchio is forever johnny. voice and everything. idk. it’s just ponyboy for me. i loved c thomas howell’s depiction of him, don’t get me wrong. i just prefer the musical version. i thought he was cute lmao dont judge me pls

i can’t say much on behalf of two bit and steve. they weren’t really in the movie or the musical enough for me to make any judgements.

[somewhere-on-knowhere]

More Random Starbula Headcanons

Nebula has a lot of trouble sleeping due to nightmares, and because nighttime is when her thoughts are the loudest. It gets a little easier once Peter starts spending the night with her, but it doesn't go away, of course. His presence is comforting though and it's nice to have someone there to keep her company and talk to when she can't sleep, because Peter sometimes has trouble sleeping, too.

Most of the time, Nebula is the little spoon, but when Peter's having a bad day, they switch. She likes that she can bring comfort to him, and Peter loves being snuggled.

After moving back to Earth, Peter got into baking. Sometimes he'll surprise Nebula by baking cupcakes or muffins for them to share when she comes to visit him.

Peter ends up checking out a lot of 80's movies that he missed out on when he was younger, and watches some of them with Nebula. One of those movies is Dirty Dancing, and Peter really wants to practice the classic lift that Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey do at the end with Nebs. Unfortunately, being made of a lot of metal, Nebula is too heavy for Peter to lift her over his head like that, but she's more than capable of lifting Peter, so she humors him and does the dance move with their roles reversed (it takes a few attempts and they knock over some furniture in the process).

Peter's grandparents love playing board games and like it when Peter and Nebula join in. At first Nebula is worried because she still gets crazy competetive and angry when she's losing (like Leslie in this one scene in Parks and Rec but even worse xD) but playing with Peter and his family helps her get over this problem for the most part. Nebula joining in with the Quill family fun times makes me so happy!

Nebula LOVES playing with Peter's hair!!

Around the anniversary of Gamora's death every year, Peter falls into a depression that lasts several weeks. Nebula makes sure she takes some time off to spend with him when this happens, since the grief hits her hard as well. They do their best to help and distract each other through the sadness and reminisce about good times with Gamora until they're feeling better.

Knowhere gets good signal (according to the Holiday Special), and so Peter and Nebula are able to FaceTime whenever they want (Peter gifts Nebula her own phone for this purpose). They typically chat every day after Nebula returns home in the evening, because on Earth that's around the time Peter goes to bed at night. Peter likes that he gets to see Nebula's face before he goes to sleep, and Nebula sees chatting with her boyfriend as her reward for a stressful day's work.

Peter takes a LOT of selfies and so Nebula receives a lot of pics of him throughout her day. She'll be working and her phone will go off and people ask her wtf she's looking at on that outdated looking little machine she's holding. And Nebs will look at a dumb picture Peter sent her of him posing with a cat he just met while on a jog or something and she'll just be like "...it's nothing," while trying not to smile.

[karanseraph]

Skatetown U.S.A. (1979). A bad roller disco movie with terrible titles, (allegedly) fueled by cocaine, starring an ensemble cast of television actors in as many subplots as an episode of The Love Boat in which roller-dance numbers are interspersed with T&A, comic relief, and a few scenes loosely stringing together a plot, and introducing Patrick Swayze.

Skatetown U.S.A. is a roller disco owned by father James (Billy Barty) and son Harvey (Flip Wilson). Harvey is concerned about his old man's flirting with pretty staff members (not because of employee harassment which doesn't exist yet) because what if Mom or someone finds out.

There's also a wizard.

The roller disco holds regular roller disco contests. One night the fresh-faced siblings Stan and Susan Nelson (Greg Bradford and Maureen McCormick) come from The Valley with their friend/manager Ritchie (Scott Baio) to compete for the $1000 prize. But that might not sit well with the Westside Wheelers, the local gang whose leader Ace Johnson (Patrick Swayze) is the undefeated roller disco champ.

Meanwhile, a drunken drug dealer (Murray Langston) meets with his client snack bar attendant Ripple (Vic Dunlop) and a handful of unidentified pills are accidentally spilled into a food grinder. Subsequently, the pills are ground into the cheese which is used to make some number of pizzas, which many customers eat.

Ace's gangmembers including Frankey (Ron Palillo) obtain the contestant sign-in sheet and learn Stan has entered. James/Jimmy is pressured into bringing stan to meet The Gang. During their meeting Ace's younger sister Allison Johnson (Katherine Kelly Lang) is revealed to also be at the roller disco and makes eyes with Stan.

As Stan and Ritchie are left to wonder how 'real' the gang and its threats are, gangmembers including Frankey make plans to 'take-out' other contestants. Ace himself goes to the top, meeting discreetly with Harvey in a hallway where he presents blackmail photos of some nature, suggesting, as they are also joined by Jimmy, that it would be a shame if these were shown to any concerned citizens council or to Harvey's mother.

Suddenly, a council of concerned citizens shows up (Ruth Buzzi, Sydney Lassick, and Sandra Gould, I think) saying they hear rumors that Skatetown U.S.A. is a "den of iniquity" and they are conducting an inspection.

Frankey and the Wheelers sabotage the singles event competition taking out other skaters with mirrors to cause glare and some itching powder. They attempt to hit Stan with something ejected from a straw but are interrupted by some of the apparently hallucinating comic relief characters.

At some point, Jimmy brings the concerned citizens a pizza. They eat it.

Ace does a sexy roller disco dance using his belt as a whip.

Stan then does a macho dance in a mask.

Just before the doubles competition, Frankey lures Susan away and they take one of the pizzas to park somewhere in a stolen car.

Ace and his partner Charlene (April Allen) do a couples skate with the belt as a prop.

Harvey announces the next couple is Stan and Susan but they do not appear, as Susan is missing. However, Allison rushes to Stan's side to enter the competition against her brother. Ace is angry and doubtful Stan and Allison can win, having never rehearsed. Yet, the couple are immediately able to do all sorts of stunts together.

Meanwhile, James meets with Harvey's mom (also Flip Wilson) and confesses his indiscretions. She confesses she has also had indiscretions. And the two are contented with their open relationship.

James rushes to the stage as Harvey has already, under the blackmail threat, declared Ace the singles winner. He whispers to his son that he talked with mom so the awards can be given fairly. Harvey then announced Stan and Susan - even though it was Allison - the winners.

Ace acknowledges that Stan and Allison won one contest, but he also won, and no way Stan could beat him out on the streets. He challenges Stan to a race.

The gangs - including Susan and Fankey - meet up at Santa Monica Pier where Stan and Ace prepare to race on motorized roller skates. The two race along the pier. Ace's throttle breaks or some contrived thing (unclear, but they might have gotten switched at some point if his gang had intended to sabotage one of them) and both skaters end up speeding off the pier into the water.

Stan tows Ace with him as they struggle to swim in skates and they share a moment under the pier as Ace asks why Stan saved his life after all his cheating and sabotage. Stan perkily replies "I'm the hero".

Credits roll as the gangs are back at Skatetown U.S.A. all happily roller discoing together.

[shallowseeker]

Shal, I hope you are feeling better! I wanted to add something to your Silvia-Amara meta if you don't mind me putting something into the mix as a long shot. Carmen from the djinn dream in What is and Should Never Be looks a lot like both of them. That seems like something!

Thank you. I'm feeling some better, but veeery sore and sleepless for the pain. (On the flipside, I can breathe better and already have more energy.)

This is so iiiiiiiinteresting, thank you!

I'll be honest...I had to go back to remind myself what Carmen even looked like. But yes! Carmen from the El Sol ad! Carmen the nurse! (I always thought she was a nod to one of Dean's psychosexual fixations, too; that is, films with hot men who dance like Swayze (Carmen 1983). I mean, hello Antonio Gades.

Plus, you know his thing for Spanish soap operas... ("Mi amor! Mi amor! Por favor despierta!" Poor Ricardo.)

And Dean's love for soaps from 7x03 The Girl Next-door. (Yes, the "My love, my love, please wake up!" one.)

//

Ahem. Anyway. Back to our Carmen. *points* Oh, my God. Yeah, it's El Sol, but it's also the specter of the beach. I am choking on my own spit here.

There's definitely something analogous in Sylvia (from season 15's Gimme Shelter) being an idealized something that Connor maybe thought he wanted, felt comfort going after, or tried to make himself want.

For that matter, I think there's something parallel here in how Amara views her love for Dean, too. Amara's view of Dean is idealized, draped in always-or-never statements, and impersonal. Meanwhile, the Dean of season 11 has grown immensely since the djinn dream in season 2. His conceptualization of love has become less romanticized:

DEAN: I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that.

Carmen was an ideal, and Amara was perhaps the network's ideal, but Sylvia is actually not quite as one-to-one to either of them here. Sylvia was a real relationship with Connor, even if was perhaps a tragic childhood misstep for Connor while he was trying to figure himself out.

Of course, Carmen Porter's own words come back to haunt the Dean & Amara and Dean & Carmen relationships. Even our idealized romantic relationships falter, and they too become as baggage-ridden as our family, and our family is imperfect.

CARMEN: Well, you don't really spend a lot of time together. I mean, I just think you don't know each other all that well.

In early days, Dean's conceptualization of Carmen is adorably immature, like a teenager's dream: someone who accepts my eating habits n' idiosyncrasies, listens to me, and loves me. Someone who is "respectable" and stable. (In season 2, Dean is still, like Amara, dealing with the core wound of his nursery.)

Sylvia and Connor seemed to know each other quite well and were "a couple." He genuinely loved her, in his own way. Their connection just wasn't exactly what Sylvia thought it was, or wanted it to be. She became angry with Connor and called him a LIAR, and then she murdered him.

Dean has carried healthy relationships with dark-eyed beauties as well, like Lisa Braeden and "I-thought-we-had-a-connection" Risa from season 5's The End.

Hmmm. Okay, yes. I think your point is a good point. And it has branching points, too. There's a lot tangled up in here! Season 15's Sylvia Jones has some uncomfortable similarities to season 5's Risa, especially.

//

(REF: Here's the recent stuff about Sylvia and Amara-Silvia stuff and more Amara failing to recognize romantic love and Chuck setting Amara up for disappointment.)

[macfrog]

joel 🫱🏼‍🫲🏻 hozier

making me swoon when they say ‘baby’

no but joel in the latest clm chapter where reader says ‘i’m not ur fucking baby’ and joel immediately says baby again bc he’s all ‘yes. you are my baby. you have always been my baby. you will always be my baby. you are my only baby. !!you are my baby!!’ ugh hes so stupid and in love

little max heard patrick swayze call jennifer grey baby in dirty dancing and her life was changed forever. i was like. i am baby. 👉🏼🥺👈🏼

yeah this is for sure what i was going for. she’s hammered and she’s angry and she has most certainly launched herself to some pretty drastic — albeit understandable — conclusions, but he won’t let her think for even a second that she doesn’t still mean the world to him, even if the most he thinks he can do in that moment is just subtly correct her like that.

he’s always called her baby, always called her darlin', always seen her as someone he should love n protect and even though their relationship is pretty broken at this point, it doesn’t change the fact that he still sees himself as that protector. she’s still his girl. he still cares about her a LOT (!!) even if he can't exactly prove that to her there n then

[princessconsuela120]

Chapter Ten: That Funny Feeling

—✧

Series masterlist

Chapter Warnings: Pregnancy, grooming..? Kinda, big girl problems, mentions of sex, angst, cursing

Author’s note: this one kinda hurt me lowkey, but I love it😭. Only a little bit longer of season one, guys the baby’s almost here I hope you’re excited. Don’t forget to vote comment and repost! Eat up!!

Chapter art by @clownfacepancakes120 & @silvell

—✧

I HONESTLY COULDN'T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW QUICKLY I STORMED UP TO KYLE AT HIS LOCKER THE NEXT DAY IN SCHOOL. I couldn’t entirely tell how angry I was, or why, maybe it was because of my pregnancy hormones. They always seemed to be through the roof whenever I was around Kyle. It was almost like ever since Kenny told me he was still going to prom, going without me, and to make matters worse with Rebecca Cotswolds, I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around anything else.

“Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Rebecca Cotswolds?” I asked angrily, slamming his locker shut. He looked at me with wide eyes, gulping in fear when his eyes met mine.

“Hi.” He said shortly, trying to smile but his anxious nerves took over.

“Kenny just said...That you were gonna go with her.” I continued, feeling my chest compress with anger.

“Yeah. I did ask her if she wanted to go. A bunch of us are gonna go to Casa Bonita and then prom… And then go to Cartman’s cousin’s cabin. So… We're getting a stretch limo.”

I pressed my lips together, nodding my head, trying to hide the rage that my face was trying to force out.

“You must be pretty stoked that you're not taking me.” I said, tilting my head slightly as Kyle sighed.

“You're mad. Why are you mad?” He asked, his breathing become even more unsteady.

“I'm not mad. I'm in a great mood.” I shrugged, letting out a loud fake laugh as I continued. “Despite the fact that I'm in a fat suit I can't take off. And despite the fact that everyone's making fun of me behind my back. And despite the fact that I almost lost my brother because of this. And despite the fact that your girlfriend gave me the stink eye in art class.” I grumbled, making Kyle sigh once again.

“Rebecca’s not my girlfriend. And I doubt she gave you the stink eye. That's just the way her face looks, you know? That's just her face.” He stuttered, looking up at the celling to avoid my eye contact.

“Yeah. You just take Soupy Sales to prom. I can think of so many cooler things to do. Like I might pumice my feet. I might go to Big Gay Al’s and you know, pet his cats. Maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice. Because all those things would be way cooler than going to prom with you.” I continued to shout, now this time Kyle scoffed.

“You're being really immature. You have no reason to be mad at me. I mean, you broke my heart. I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't wanna talk to you anymore.”

“Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't wanna marry you?” I said angrily, making him roll his eyes.

“Like I'd marry you. You'd be the meanest wife ever.” I rolled my eyes at him, and he just looked away to continue talking. “And I know you weren't bored. Because there was a lot of stuff on TV. And They were streaming dirty dancing on Hulu and you love dirty dancing. And you were like, “oh I love this movie, Patrick Swayze is my husband. But, oh, no, we should just make out instead."”

He looked away again, but I didn’t. I stared straight at him, carving daggers into his skin with my eyes. I hated it, all of it. I think the baby hated it too, cause I don’t think I’ve ever felt it kick so hard. ‘Stop, stop arguing, you know you love him.’ It’s almost like that angry fetus churning inside of me knew that too. But I couldn’t stop.

“All right, you just take Rebecca the douche packer to prom. I'm sure you two will have, like, a real bitchen time.” I said, throwing up gang signs to make fun of her.

“Well, I still have your underwear.” He teased, making me roll my eyes as I glared back at him.

“I still have your virginity.”

“God, would you shut up?” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. He sighed, as if he was bracing himself. For a second I could tell he hated this just as much as I did. “I don’t understand the big deal. I mean, Jo you won’t even let me tell my parents. I get it, you’re giving the baby up, you don’t want anything to do with me, but it’s like I don’t even exist to you anymore.”

That one stung. Now I have known Kyle since preschool. I mean, we played in the same sand box at the playground. I couldn’t get my sand castle right, so he decided to come help me. That was of course until Cartman came and stepped on our entire masterpiece, and Kyle hugged me when I cried. We were 4, I barely even remember anything else from that age. And then there was 4th grade, where our entire lives seemed to begin. There was our first kiss on the playground, getting married in his backyard, saving his ass while trying to defeat professor chaos. There was everything, he was everything. And then there was the science trip. I had gained confidence from the bottle of Landshark that I snuck into our room, and we had to share a bed. Not that I didn’t want to, I did. I don’t know why I let things escalate from there. Why I didn’t just assume everything would be fine, nothing would come from it. We were just gonna make out, and I could get over my stupid crush. It would be so simple. And then we had sex, and now I’m in even more love with his stupid curly ginger hair.

“Are you ashamed that we did it?” I asked angrily, sass clinging onto my tone as he shook his head sadly, looking back up at me.

“No.”

“Because at least you don't have to have the evidence under your sweater. I'm a planet.” I shouted, creating a new silence between us. It was like he forgot he was supposed to be angry for a second.

“Let me get your bag. You shouldn't carry that.” He said, reaching for my backpack as a shoved him away.

“What's another 10 pounds?” I hissed lowly, before quickly walking in the other direction, once again leaving Kyle dumbfounded and sad at his locker.

—✧

“Hi. Wow, that shirt's working hard.” Mark said, looking down at my now very large bump that was beneath my signature Garfield shirt. I was only about 6 or 7 month along now, but for some reason this baby was huge. It’s kind of funny actually, when I talked to Sheila about it she unknowingly admitted to me that Kyle was also a huge baby, not aware that he most likely was the reason this child was huge. I swear I could’ve been having twins or something.

“Is Vanessa here?” I asked, walking in and looking around, hoping to blow off some steam and watch a horror or something. Away from my family, away from Kyle, away from everything.

“No. We are safe.”

“Sweet.” I said, slinging my back off my shoulder and tossing it on the couch, laying back as I let out a sigh of relief.

“I'm glad you're here. I actually have something for you. Come here.” Mark guided me to a side room, full of comics and guitar stuff. It was an interesting space I couldn’t help but look around with wonder.

“Whoa, Mark, is this the baby's room? It's beautiful.” I teased, making him roll his eyes as I chuckled lightly.

“Oh, that's hilarious. No, this is where I keep all my old comics… And I wanna show you one.”

“You're one of those guys?” I teased, laying out on the couch as soon as I got in. It’s safe to say my ankles were taking majority of the heat during this pregnancy. “You know my 17 year old brother doesn’t even read comics anymore.”

“Come here. Take a look.” Mark said, choosing to ignore my sarcastic remarks.

“Is this a pregnant superhero?” I asked excitedly, looking down at the anime comic book I was handed.

“I found it in Japan when I was there with my band. It reminds me of you.” He said, smiling softly. I nodded with a wide smile on my face as I flipped through the comic.

“Hells, yeah. This actually makes me feel way less of a fat dork.” I explained, earning another smile from Mark.

“Well, Yuki is a real badass. You should be proud to be in the same condition.”

“Thank you.” I said, smiling back at him. “How about some tunage?” I requested, earning a raised eyebrow from Mark.

“Tunage. Okay, yeah.” He said, going to go and play music from his record player. “All right, don't look, numéro trois.”

“I'm not looking.” I said, covering my eyes as he put the record on the player.

“This one is actually kind of slow, but it's Mott the Hoople… So it's still totally rad and hardcore.”

“I know this one.” I said, swaying slightly side to side. Mark seemed to perk up at that.

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“This song is older than I am, if you can believe it. I danced to this at my prom.” Mark explained, making me laugh slightly at the thought of mark at prom.

“Who'd you dance with?”

“Cynthia Vogel. Great dance partner. She let me put my hands all over her butt.”

“Hot.” It was strange, I was used to giving this sort of response to Kenny, not Mark. But it was great, I mean it was like he was a buddy.

“Very hot.”

“I can just totally picture you dancing like a total dork.” I teased, getting up as he put his arms on my shoulder and we began slow dancing.

“Actually, she put her hands… There, and I put my hands down here.” He explained. Moving my hands to his shoulders and his hands down to my hips. “This is how we did it in '88. Just like this. Have you ever been to a dance before?”

“Dances are for nerds and squares.” I teased, making him raise an eyebrow at me again.

“What are you?”

“I don't know.” I shrugged, making him smile softly, resting his head against mine.

“Does it feel like there's something between us?” He says as a joke, referring to my large baby bump that refused to let me any closer. I laughed slightly, though my laugh was short lived when he began speaking again.

“I'm leaving Vanessa.”

I froze. I swear, my entire body locked itself and wouldn’t let me make any move. That is of course, besides shoving Mark away, and staring at him with that same frozen brokenness that was left on my face.

“What?” I asked, my voice breaking as I spoke. I could feel my hands begin to sweet, that funny feeling beginning to fill up my entire being.

“I'm getting a place in the city. Got it planned. Something I've wanted to do for a long time.” Mark explained, and I shove my head.

“No.” I snapped, causing Mark to raise an eyebrow at me.

“No?” He asked, looking slightly taken aback by my response.

“No, you definitely can't do that. That's one big fat sack of no.” I continued to yell, and Mark just stood there staring at me, confused by my outburst. “I mean, you guys are supposed to take care of this, you know?” I said, holding my baby bump protectively.

“I thought you'd be cool with this.” He said, looking me up and down.

“Cool? I want things to be perfect. I don't want them to be shitty and broken like my family.” I continued to yell, making him shake his head angrily.

“Come on…”

“Look, I'll have the baby… And Vanessa's gonna be so happy. You just…” I explained getting up and grabbing my things, making Mark try to stop me by standing in front of me.

“A baby won't fix everything. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father.”

I scoffed.

“But you're old.” I snapped back at him, and he went quiet for a second. He looked down at the ground, then back up at me.

“How do you think of me? You know, why are you over here?” He asked, making me stop a minute. I think it was then that I realized what my dad had meant not too long ago. That people weren’t just friendly, they didn’t have to be friendly. There’s always a motive.

“I just like being a piece of furniture in your weird life.” I explained, and Mark sighed, gesturing to the guitar and comic book mess that was in front of me.

“This? This is what my life has become. You know, I got stuff in boxes. You know, I'm underground.” He explained, making me sigh, rubbing a hand across my face.

“Is this my fault?” I asked, feeling tears begin to prick at my eyes.

“No.”

“Is Vanessa mad at you because of me or something?”

“It's got nothing to do with it. We aren't in love.”

“You were in love when you married her. If you're in love once, you can be in love again.” I explained, waving my hands around, wiping the few stray tears that left my eyes. LLike my brother, he’s been with the same girl like four times, they’re back together again now. You're just not trying hard enough.”

“I can't believe what an idiot I am.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he looked down. I scoffed.

“No, you know what, Mark? Just do not divorce your wife. Will you please just do me a solid and stay with Vanessa?” I asked, causing him to look up at me.

“You're so young.” He said softly, his smile faltering as he did.

“I'm not that young. Okay, I'm 16. I'm old enough to know when someone's acting like a total a-hole. Oh, and you know what? I bought another Sonic Youth album that you recommend and it sucks. It's just noise.” I grumbled, before turning to leave out the door, leaving Mark sitting in his own misery. Just as I was about to leave, Vanessa came in the door.

“Juno? What's going on?” She asked, her eyes filling with worry once seeing my expression.

“Nothing.” I replied quickly, trying to walk past her.

“Why are you crying?” She asked, stopping me again.

“I'm not crying. I'm just allergic to fine home furnishings.”

“Hold on. What's the matter? What's the matter?”

“She's just a little hormonal. Right, Juno? It's part of the process?” Mark said, his voice sounding so foreign to me now. I couldn’t help but glare over at him, Vanessa’s eyes following mine.

“What did you do?”

“I didn't do anything.” Mark replied coldly. “Just...I've been thinking.”

“What?”

“You know, I'm just thinking if this is the right thing.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just wondering if it's… just wondering if we're ready.” He continued to talk about his uncertainty, sending painful goosebumps to erupt against my skin.

“Yeah, we're ready. We've read the books, we've taken the classes, we have a nursery that is…”

“Vanessa, I know we're prepared. I'm just wondering if...I'm ready.”

I tried again to walk out, but Vanessa stopped me again, fear showing all over her face.

“Wait a minute. Juno, don't listen to him. He's just got cold feet. He's just being a guy. The books all say a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees his baby. He's gonna get there. He's... he's gonna get there.” She explained, but mark simply kept his act up.

“It happened so fast. We put the ad in the paper… And I thought it would take months, if at all… Then two weeks later, she's on that couch.”

“She answered our prayers.” Vanessa corrected, glaring coldly at her husband.

“Ever since then, it's been like a ticking clock.”

“What are you saying?”

“That it feels a little like bad timing.”

And with that last line from Mark, I was gone. I quickly ran to my car so no one could stop me, getting in and driving. I knew I had to pull over somewhere, I was crying so much I couldn’t even see the road. It didn’t seem to matter to me at that moment. Not seeing just felt refreshing.

—✧

I JUST KEPT DRIVING. I didn’t know where, or how far, I just knew I needed to get away. Something in my instincts brought me here, to the barn. It was pouring rain, and the ground below my feet drowning in rain water, my shoes sinking into the mud as I walked. It seemed my face was soaking wet, whether it be from tears or the rain I wasn’t sure. I just knew I need to be somewhere that isn't on the road.

I pounded hard on the barn door, knowing my brother must have been inside, but he just groaned loudly from the inside.

“Go away Juno.” He yelled to the door. I could hear him strum his guitar behind the door, but I continued to pound on the doors.

“I said go away! My creative juices are flowing.” Stan yelled back, and I rolled my eyes, slamming my arms down harder.

“I don’t care about your juices.” I yelled back, my voice breaking when I did. I could hear shuffling from the other side.

“Are you crying?” He asked, his entire voice changing from his joking tone to normal. And then he opened the door, and in that exact moment when I saw him, I broke down into his arms. His heartbeat picked up speed and he pulled me close to his chest, not knowing the source of my distress.

“Hey, hey hey hey. You’re alright, big brothers got you. You’re okay.” He reassured, running his hands through my hair to comfort me, sighing as he held me tighter.

“It’s so much.” My voice broke again, and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself from getting emotional at my expense.

“It’s okay Juno, take some deep breaths okay, what do you need from me, what do you need me to do to make it better?” He asked, pulling away with his hands on my shoulders, looking me up and down to check for any injuries.

“Just-just hold me, please.” My voice came out small and squeaky, and he quickly pulled me back into his embrace.

“That I can do.” He sighed, running his fingers through my wet hair. “I can always do that.”

—✧

[dontsnortpixiestix]

Crow and his little angry cat I designed. Her name is Catrick Swayze.

[ohwolfling]

I love you, I was starting to think I am going crazy with how wild people were going over the interview that didn't seem insulting/hating on Gale to me at all (at worst maybe on the interviewers part a bit) . I admire the way you're able to get your point accros without hostility.

A thing about me is that when I was in 9th grade a teacher asked us to discuss why (for literature) a character had to die. I, overwhelmed with how the book had ended, having a big feeling that I had never had from literature before, got very angry and snapped at her and cried in front of the whole class and got sent into the hallway.

And that teacher lovingly came to me in the hallway, told me that my reaction was out of line but not my feelings, and sat with me while I calmed down and showed me the beauty in that story.

I had her again my senior year. We read Wuthering Heights and she called us to her desk one at a time to see how we were liking it once we were halfway through (I wonder if she did that BECAUSE I was there tbqh lmao). I told her I hated it. It was miserable and no one will just do what they want or love who they love and I wish they would but even so I don't see a way out of it. And she said, "do you hate it... or are you just feeling as trapped as Cathy and Heathcliff are?"

It rewired my brain. It didn't make me feel less or fangirl less. But it made me a better reader, writer, actor, and storyteller overall.

I have been the person with the big feeling about fiction more times than I can count and it came from a place of being a displaced, abused, neglected teen who was finding representation and mirrors in placed I didn't expect, before I even knew those were things I needed. I know I'm blessed to have had the two repeat English teachers I had and lucky that despite my own poverty and challenges I was in a school district with AP composition and literature, with teachers who cared not just that we could read and write but that we could read deeper and deeper, we could write what WE thought, not what was standardized "correct," and we could be as passionate as we were academic about it. I'm blessed that while I had standardized testing constantly teachers still had enough wiggle room around required curriculum to prioritize truly engaging with literature on every one of those levels.

I am never going to be hostile about big feelings over fictional characters. It could be saving someone's life to have that big feeling. I just care about where that coping skill becomes maladaptive, especially in groups, because I am rooting for everyone. And to be clear I'm not an academic AT ALL. I'm a C-PTSD induced drop out who writes freelance at a variety of places, none of which are considered prestigious or important. I don't want people to read things a Right Way™️ or even a Wolfling Way™️. If I can I want to help people feel empowered to read it their way, support their argument, be able to see where their feelings and the themes touch, where their feelings and the themes clash. It enriches storytelling to do both but it also enriches BEING ALIVE because without art, who the fuck cares about what we're doing here?

And more importantly, being able to do both is so important if you tend towards intense coping skills, maladaptive daydreaming, other dissociative engagement, hyperfixations, etc. You'll burn yourself out if you can't juggle them.

I am your girl uncle or Patrick Swayze auntie as much as you want me to be. Do you but while you are here, please sit down, hit this joint, and take a breath, ya knooooow

[indianamoonshine]

strawberry | EXTRAS | checkers

summary: remember the chapter in strawberry where they go to the bar? remember how i said there was a second part but i never posted it? i decided to ax it, but i’m posting it now! here’s a gift to tide you over for the next chapter!

rating: m

You’re a very competitive person. It’s ironic because you’ve played one sport (volleyball in middle school) and then quit upon finding it was too much work. As a child you dreamt of becoming a NASCAR driver (you hate watching it and no one in your family ever did) and even a lawyer (you cry whenever you argue but you relish on being right).

You love to win. And even worse: you’re a sore loser.

“Dammit!” you whine, watching as Din leans over to collect your checker. “How are you so good at this?!”

Din smirks proudly to himself. “I’m really good at guessing someone’s next move.”

The way he says it makes you believe it’s some sort of inside joke you weren’t apart of. You grimace, crossing your arms against your chest, and wrinkle your nose. Your mother always used to say you look like an angry bunny but it was a habit you’ve never been able to break. Din stares at the board, eyes scanning every possible square. You suppose you should pay closer attention too even though it probably wouldn’t make any difference.

“I’m blaming it on the alcohol,” you say, content with the excuse. It was a good one, after all.

You glance out the windows into the night. It was raining fairly hard but the wind was still, despite the steady thunder. It’s been an hour since the two of you got back and it hasn’t let up a drop.

Din’s loaned you one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers to sleep in. When he handed you the folded clothes he flushed and then mumbled, “I’ll be in the living room...” before sauntering off. Had it been anyone else’s affection you were vying for you might’ve been offended. But you suspect his embarrassment was caught up in his own actions from earlier.

You clear your throat. “Okay, next question...” you pause. “Uh...”

“What’s your favorite movie?” Din wonders, eyes never leaving the board. He reaches over to move one of his pieces and then plops back into his seat, meeting your gaze. He looks sober now, his expression neutral and pupils clearly attentive of his surroundings.

You hum in contemplation, fingering the roughened edges of the checker pieces. The set is an antique - just something you found to pass the time in one of the chests around the cabin.

“Dirty Dancing.” You hop one of your pieces over his and smile in victory.

Din slowly raises a pair of bronzed eyes your way but he grins as though he’s pleased. “Is that to blame for your attraction to older men?”

You let out a fabricated gasp while placing a hand on your chest. “And what’s so wrong with that? Patrick Swayze is a very handsome man.”

Your competitor shrugs in agreement. “I won’t argue. He was older than her though, right?” He considers this for a moment. “I haven’t seen it in a while.”

Amazing. “I can’t believe you’ve seen it,” you chuckle in disbelief. You capture another one of his checkers. He hisses under his breath. “It’s sexy.”

Din makes a noise under his breath, though he’s now concentrating even harder than what he was before. “What is? The movie?”

“No,” you reply, watching as his deft fingers slide his piece closer to capturing another of yours. You have half a mind to give up at this point; he’s about to win anyway. “Well, yeah, but I meant that you’ve seen it. It’s a chick-flick. Most straight men haven’t. Toxic masculinity and all that.”

Your voice trails off, but Din catches it and clamps down. “How do you know my ex-girlfriend didn’t force me to watch it?”

There’s an “oh” stuck in your throat, but it chokes just before it can escape. You can only pause, your fingers hovering over your piece.

“Did you...see it with her...?” you tread, feeling very awkward.

Din watches you blankly for a moment but his eyes are jocose in nature. Then he sputters out a bit of laughter, shaking his head. “No. My best friend liked it though.”

Best friend. Din had a best friend? Not to say that Din wasn’t agreeable (obviously, as you were doing something so dull as playing checkers with him) but he didn’t seem the kind of person to form attachments. His relationship with you felt foreign enough. But a best friend? That took another degree of intimacy entirely.

“Oh?” you respond, titillated by the idea of getting to know him more. “You never told me you had a best friend.”

Din squares his jaw, an ashen expression falling upon his face and you instantly regret asking. While you haven’t known him for long, it’s the most sick you’ve seen him look.

“I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.” You wave a hand, bringing your arms back to your chest as a nervous habit.

But he just blinks once or twice, starting slowly but starting nonetheless. “Cara. She passed away a few years ago.”

•

He won, of course.

He’s never lost a game of checkers in his life. Not even before he joined the Creed and Guild. He’s been a natural in the field of strategy for as long as he can remember so it wasn’t a surprise when he captured your last checker. You’d grumbled - and he found it endearing - but then climbed into his lap like it never even happened. All is forgiven.

The two of you talk for around five minutes before he watches you yawn, pretty mouth forming into an “oh”. He knew then that the two of you were finally sober enough to sleep. He kisses your forehead while you drag him into his bedroom.

He tries to ignore Cara. He hasn’t thought about her ever since her death - ever since she was killed in a crossfire he’d started. He’d blamed himself ever since, tossing and turning in his sleep until he went without it for over forty eight hours and then literally fell over with fatigue. And it wasn’t that he wishes you wouldn’t ask him questions, he just...

Well, Din wishes he would’ve just kept his damn mouth shut. The less you knew of the things he’d done or the people he’d met during his past, the better. You were safe in your ignorance even if it shredded him to pieces every day.

You crawl into bed with him, your thighs as soft as the silk you’d worn earlier (and now hangs over the bath tub to dry). When the lights have been turned off he presses you close to his chest, your right ear leaning against the brick surrounding his thumping heart. Din rests his chin at the top of your head, closes his eyes, and inhales the scent of his shampoo in your hair. It suits you better.

Because of course it does, even if it’s masculine it still somehow smells just like you.

He whispers your name and presses a small kiss against your temple. “I really like you, too.”

[fuckselfloveihatemyself]

I am mentally screaming constantly since last night. I've been on a binge recently to watch as many old queer movies as I can to discover more of my history. Some of it is bad, with outdated terms and ridiculously homophobic stereotypes, but some of it is so phenomenal and it's insane I haven't heard of it before.

To start I was telling my partner this on date night, and they're older than me, so they went on to talk about The Birdcage as a magnificent one, and I explained how I read up on To Wong Foo Thank You For Everything, Julia Newman and wanted to see it.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

So last night we started with The Birdcage, which has Robin Williams, Armand, as one of the main love interests in a gay marriage with his husband/wife, Albert, who is a drag queen and goes mostly by she/her pronouns. It was very lighthearted and hilarious! I was pleasantly surprised and shocked, I couldn't stop laughing at some parts, and getting angry at other parts. As the plot is the gay couples son, Val, is getting married to his college sweetheart who comes from a conservative family. So they're trying to hide the fact that Val was raised by two queer men who own a drag club together. The majority of it is funny as the conservatives are made the buttend of the joke, and it has an amazing happy ending. I absolutely loved how Robin Williams played Armand as it wasn't offensive at all, just a very dedicated family man who loves his partner and child. Albert, Armand's wife/husband was so amazing, and I read up on the actor who at the time wasn't out but came out later in life and how Robin Williams helped him feel comfortable when it came to the part and ensuring he wasn't forced out of closet. The acting is so good as Albert definitely has mother hen instincts and clearly wants what's best for their son and Val acknowledges that that's his mom and dad. There is a scene where Albert is trying to act "straight" and it clearly goes all wrong, one scene comedic, but there's a second one where they're wearing a suite and you can see how much they're holding themselves back and trying so hard for their son and it honestly made me cry. There is a few scenes where you meet the sons bio mother, Katherine, but it's made abundantly clear that she does not really have any parental instincts and had no desire to raise her son, what I did love was how this wasn't framed in a negative light. It's clear the bio mother, Katherine, and Armand had a one night stand, accidently conceived, and Armand decided to raise his boy with his loving partner Albert. Towards the end of the movie there is a love confession from Robins character, Armand, that is so real to life and loving I had tears running down my eyes by the end of it. Honestly the movie is so feel good I could go back and watch it twenty times.

To Wong Foo Thank You For Everything, Julia Newman. Was also an amazing movie. It stars Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes who both play seasoned drag queens, but they also mostly identify as ladies, as throughout the film you only see them in drag, except for the beginning scene with Payrick Swayze coming out of the shower, and going solely by she/her pronouns. So I think with the time period it was made in they were considered drag queens, but had it been made today it would have been worded moreso as trans women who are also drag queens. As Vida, Patrick's character, only answers to her women name and pronouns, as does Noxeema, Wesley's character. It has guest star appearances from Robin Williams and Ru Paul. This movie, forewarning, has racists slurs, outdated queer terms, and homophobia. As the three drag queens break down in a small town in the country where people like them are not at all accepted. Despite all that though I still think it's definitely worth the watch, as it has a happy ending and an acknowledging by the town that they know that they're not typical ladies, but that they still think they're beautiful and amazing people.

I'll probably leave my thoughts on a few other films I've seen recently or before that I also loved or didn't. As I want to talk about But I'm a Cheerleader, and The Gay Decievers, but I'm still processing that one.

[hellomissella]

I hope it's okay to add a few headcanons; I work with animals and used to work at an emergency vet so this is my niche expertise:

TW for animal abuse and death.

He fosters animals. He's got a big house with more than enough space to care for neglected animals who need a second (or third or fourth chance). These are more than just strays; they're rescues from abused homes, dog fighting rings (if they're cats, sometimes they were used as bait), or hoarding disasters. Simon has patience and gentleness in spades.

He's foster-failed more than once. Why try to find a perfect forever home for his foster when the perfect home is himself?

He's bottle-fed kittens: getting up every few hours to feed the little furballs, watching them cling onto him like he's their mommy (he is).

Simon is adept at providing emergency care for his animals (such as CPR).

He talks to his animals like they're people. He also gives them strange names, ranging from things like "Travis" to "Spork." He named one "Catrick Swayze."

Simon is experienced in providing care for special-needs animals, whether they're blind, missing a limb, epileptic, diabetic - he's got it covered.

Maybe he has a whole sanctuary. He doesn't just care for cats or dogs, he's taken in neglected farm animals. Goats, horses, sheep, bunnies; whatever needs his help, he'll do whatever he can to give them a peaceful life. He likely has some people also working with him at this point (maybe a reader who works with Simon? 👀)

He also cares for senior animals. He doesn't try to adopt these ones out; he gives them a gentle last stretch of their lives. Simon Riley's Retirement Home for Senior Pets.

Sometimes, death is the merciful option. He's always there during euthanasia, holding them in his arms as he whispers tender words of love and affection in their ear, giving gentle pets. You were so good, buddy. Thanks for being my friend. One time, he held a cat in his arms, letting them lick butter (their favourite snack) until they were gone.

Simon has watched, first hand, terrified animals who were ready to fight to the death turn into affectionate friends who trust him with their lives. Angry animals aren't malicious, he knows. They're scared. And he knows what living in fear is like, so he's going to make sure they never have a reason to ever be scared again.

butcher simon this, butcher simon that, but how about simon who shows up to the dog shelter every month with a couple hefty bags of high-end dog food and a baggy of toys because he’d rather his retirement paychecks go toward something more meaningful than bourbon and cigarettes.

or simon who sits in the kennels with the most misunderstood dogs at the shelter for as long as it takes for them to warm up to him, though it never takes long—there’s just something about him that draws the sweet angels in.