#swaeg

[luminarrow]

my art summary guys

[eightyones]

and that just ruined my weekend Swaeg ever i don’t care about sports

[spector]

nonbinaeary swaeg

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary264

6/7-8/24

friday - saturday

listening to the album now...

really really liking it. there's i think gonna be 6-7 songs i need to fix up, some of that's a little complicated still i think (there's like 4-5 i'm gonna be relistening to, to figure out though + see if i really need to do anything.) but the album sounds really coherent now, i think, and everything's hitting basically, the vocals are a touch muffled but that's like, fine, i think. it's like fucked up weirdo stuff, so it's okay if it's drowned up by the fucked-up-ness and also it is fucked up what i'm singing sometimes i suppose.

i do think i need to get back into reading properly, work made it like, easier, that's one thing i'll miss. it's too easy to sit and watch dumb things all day, reading books is good. i bought that isabelle nicou book, stricture, as well as preordered the new dennis cooper comp of shorts, very excited for both. i do think maybe i want to stick with fiction a touch longer.... out of what's beside me... maybe i need to do another genet right now. it is pride month after all.

also just finished this listen of the album, i'm genuinely so happy with how this is coming out now, it's like, all now coming together really i think. it's like, solidly in front of me, the hideous lovely thing i have spent over a year on... wow, it's so freakish!!

today was really good though, otherwise, we went out with my gf's mom, and she took us places, we went to this korean-dog place, like the corn dogs, and mochi donuts, this place is by our house and really yummy... so we will have to go back... and it's not too spenny. so #swaeg.

i also talked to my mom today, she watched a let's play of the game sally face which she loved, and she also watched one of disco elysium (because i told her i love that game) and it also moved her, i'm very happy about that. sally face makes sense for her, it is very 'her' i think.

beyond the k-dogs, we went to town square, which is like a nightmare shopping bougie zone but it's kind of cute to walk around, my gf and i wandered around some stores, she got a smoothie bowl and i didn't get one cuz something in my throat hurts and it suxx, uhh, we wandered around a victoria's secret a bit, i need to buy underwear but obviously i'm kind of a special case. it's weird how they don't seem to have anything relating to that... it's not like i even tuck just something a bit... idk, i guess thicker in terms of fabric would be nice. anyways, we did that, looked at some shitty clothes (nothing good is ever down there really i think), and after i was being all 'no i don't need to eat' she made me go to a ramen place which was good for my messed up throat. then we went home. oh we also got oatmeal inside of whole foods.

whole foods makes me nostalgic, all that kind of hippie-health food wook orientalist stuff reminds me of being a child, and i remember going to whole food with my mom when i was younger, it was like a special treat to get food from their food-court thingie. i think the first cannoli i ever had was from there. i love cannolis. kind of fucked up they're going to be associate with whole foods for like forever for me.

something about oat meal too, i saw a box of oatmeal that had celtic decoration on it, which also reminded me of all the fae pagan stuff my mom was into when we lived in an apartment together, just her and i, i really have a fondness for that kinda thing. learning about the cycle of the moon, the child's moon, hearing about lilith, special kinds of rock, incense, decoration from cost plus world market, as i get older i sometimes yearn for some of these things... we've gone to the world market semi-recently, i loved looking at the intl. food section.

anyway, i also took selfies today, here i am:

there's some more angles of me in these... hope i am cute... i think i am, which makes me happy. i've been feeling cute again lately without work. which is good.

i also did not read any monster today, shameful but also i was out for a while and stuff so it's not my fault or it is but it's okay cuz it's just for fun it doesn't really matter.

also i feel like it's rather obv but when i take selfies there's like more than what i post. idk why i feel like talking about this but i am, cuz i do the same pose a lot, like hold it for 4-5 pics maybe. maybe not that many or maybe more depending on the pose. idk why i think about posing really i am just trying to be a thing and be visible to create proof for myself + idk, i like people seeing my face and seeing their faces and then having that kind of relation, it makes me more physical, i'm not capable of escaping the body, so i embrace it. i guess this is embracing the body, the excess i keep saved on my computer, the xtra selfies, a strange waste-product, or are the ones i post waste-product, or i suppose it all is, this is the dust that escapes into wind, growing thin, all the particles spread out across everything and mingling with anything and everything else, becoming atmosphere, filtered down, eaten, turned to waste elsewhere.

also isn't the shirt cute... it's got a big pile of discarded stuffed animals on it. i think it is very sweet.

wow, i just found something crazy, some guy on here who really wants to be in the hellp, look and listen:

it's not bad but it's so obvious. i think it's interesting that it's so obvious i guess. the more i listen to him, the more used to his vocals i get, i think he's kind of cool with that at least. he doesn't suck, he's just occupying weird space in the song i feel like. this one is also a bit of a non-song, this one's properly good though:

it's so weird... the guy with bangs + leather jacket +sunglasses thing, not being joey ramone, but just referencing nyc mid 00s dickheads, or early i suppose as well. we've got a guy like this out here in vegas, i call him loewe guy because i've seen him in loewe sometimes. he's nice and really liked the noise set i did and i made him listen to les rallizes denudes. i kind of expected him to be at guitar wolf but my gf said guitar wolf are too rock and roll, formally speaking, and maybe affectively speaking too, but they play stuff super indebted to old rock n roll, 50s stuff you know, psychobilly garage rock indebted freakout music, obv different too but they've got the classic punk thing going where they just love that kinda shit and pull from it like crazy, she said that kind of thing is a 'zoomer check' which is funny but probably true.

going back in this guy's uploads on sc, they get to feel less like the hellp, more like an anonymous ref to a lot of the indie sleaze thing, also feeling like this other kid (hollis?? i think, he's okay, this guy might be better as a songwriter), but this is also pretty good:

the cover is like hilarious to me,

anyway, i need to sleep now, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bdsrsated]

Selfie with Idol NACHOS as TAEYEON From Spinel all female cover group covering the legendary Girls' Generation since 2016.

Yulhee of Laboum: Champion - KPOP Kingdom Clash **Best Female Cosplayer **Best in Costume 1st Runner Up - KPOP Warfare: 2nd Wave Taeyeon of Girls Generation KPOP EUPHORIA: Give Love (An event for a cause for Zuan) Grand Champion Taeyeon of Girls Generation Rank 8 SPINEL (Girls Generation cover group) Taeyeon cover Achievements:

KPOP Show Off Battle Rounds (Round 1) - CHAMPION (Girl Group Category)

KPOP Show Off (Final Round) - GRAND CHAMPION ** Special Award: Best Female Group

KPOP Desire 3: CHAMPION

KPOP Land: Christmas Special - (Veteran Category) CHAMPION

KPOP Swaeg 3: Great! - 2nd Runner Up

KPOP Euphoria: Utopia 3rd Anniversary Special - 2nd Runner Up

KPOP Revamp 3: Battle of the Big 3 (SM CATEGORY) Rank 2

KPOP Outbreak: SHUTDOWN - 1v1 Winner and OVER ALL CHAMPION Weki Teki (Weki Meki Cover Group) Sei cover

4th placer - Annyeong Classmates S3

Idolko #Kpop #Nachos #Spinel #Taeyeon #BDMS #BILL #BIGFAN #Dancer #Music

[superbatlock]

Da mood (Already posted on weheartit. Do not repost)

[dreaminjam]

A playboy with swaeg

[ksjinswifeu]

This Suga part~

[birdiesae1677]

INFIRES MAN

[deinstarxx]

SUGAMON IPHONE WALLPAPER *Do not remove watermark* - Suga x Kumamon - Reblog/like if u are going to use it or if I have jams 💓

[hisroyalrandomness-blog]

This Jae is illegal. <3

[miixchxllx-blog]

🖤

[zouchu]

Yoongi: My eyes change colour depending on swag levels. They’re brown when my swag levels at maximum.

Yoongi: I’ve never seen them change.

[ughirdk]

HOW MANY OF YOU AGREE THAT THIS IS ONE OF TYE BEST PICS OF MR MIN SUGA GENIUS JJANG JJANG MAN BBONG BBONG?!!!! BECAUSE FCK I CAN LOOK AT THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary9

listening to orchid chaos is me for the millionth time #swaeg

today we had to do errands but they were light but i had a bad dream i guess that made me feel really miserable all day. the dream was that my gf left me, so i killed myself. what i really remember from it was using these blue scissors i had in my old bedroom at my parent's place my mom had since always to do it, and my gf seeing me and rushing off to a hospital where i woke up from. i think i'd still die in the dream, i was bleeding a lot.

so obviously starting the day miserable, and i'm for some reason sort of compelled to tell my gf what happened and play it up like i'm actually hurt by what she did, and i'm not, but it still actually makes me miserable. there's nothing rocky about where we are except i'm insane and i'm the problem always i feel like, i'm irrational and excitable in every direction, it's easy for me to get actually suicidal, one time i made her a grilled cheese and it looked not good so i took it from her and made her another one and i was at tears the whole time and really erratic saying that i can't make her something that looks like dog food, that i have to eat that so she can have something normal. it tasted fine. i was also getting really upset about the butter being hard still and it made me want to stab myself. which is stupid obviously but it still makes me upset i guess. i feel useless a lot, i think i probably am. i don't know what's wrong with me, i really wish i did, i don't know, i don't think anything is wrong in the way where it's like a doctor's going to help in any way or maybe that means i'm beyond hope or whatever.

i think this all makes me sound super volatile. i don't want to be super volatile. i don't think i am. maybe that's just hope but i hope it isn't. i don't know though because no one tells me i'm not except my gf. no one tells me i am except a voice in my head. i just don't know how to trust one or the other but putting it here it makes me think i should trust the real person outside of me more than the voice in me that exists to just create ways to disagree with anything i guess.

today i am feeling more alienated than yesterday. not from my girlfriend. just people online, again. it's a thing that happens to me, i don't feel sufficiently 'in' with a server, basically, and i feel like i can't ever be, because i'm just different/raised different/socialized different, saying that feels egotistical. like, i'm not like regular girls (girls carrying 20 asterisks that alternate gender w/ each one (you understand i'm certain (and i'm sure you get why i need to state it here because i feel like i'll be lying and crazy if i don't or i dunno something else, it's just wrong to not (it makes explaining myself very difficult in that way and i guess i just want to be intuited)))) type stuff. i promise it isn't, or i don't want it to be. i just feel pretty far outside how they interact with the world they're in / art / eachother / whatever, and by being outside that, i can't really figure out how to approach, so i sort of just get left in my own pit, excluded and not really even a curiosity, just a kind of village freak who seeks vengeance by saying strange things. it's not actually like vengeance i just do what i want and to them it probably seems freakish but i just try to be myself and when i can't really say what i want or there's nothing to even say to the things they say but i want there to be because i want to be everybody's friend i find pleasure/happiness in coming off crazy because it sort of makes me look like a fool and then maybe that'll make them say hey this person is, like, not trying to be superior or whatever. i don't think people read me that way anyways but i really dislike the idea of being better than anyone. we're not all the same but superiority outright is an ugly way to approach things/people/anything. essentially trying to school people on entire histories or situations makes them useless to themselves, or not really, but you know, that sort of condescension / will to explaining anything really puts people directly below you, it makes me feel like an insect even seeing it and i see so many people eager to use knowledge like a tool for competition rather than idk, cooperation. it's like, yes we can cooperate but first i have to one-up you. there's differences in explanation and discussion and this, i can't line it out. it's really down to prose and how one carries themselves, how one puts the words out there and stuff, in huge sprawling series of posts vs. paragraphs they clearly spend time writing and editing and so on.

anyways today makes me feel sort of sad. i guess this is the trend, the middle of the week ends up being full of stress, cuz of errand day, where idk, i guess it's because i'm doing stuff i don't necessarily like at all. i sort of hate being in stores. very few places feel hospitable. i like crafts stores because i could go in them for hours with my mom to escape my stepdad, i like trader joe's, it's nostalgic, which is a tragedy and i shouldn't feel like that about a shopping center. otherwise, stores are high stress. i also like malls and pretty clothes and stuff.

anyways i dunno. this doesn't need to go on forever. i'll try to chill out now. tomorrow will be better i guess. i hope. i think it will be.

[attackonyoonmin]

PLEASE DO A PART 3 OF JUNGKOOK REJECTS YOU IN A MEAN WAY ❤

-Admin Yoowgs.