#suspend your disbelief

[upirium]

time to celebrate the female orgasm or whatever he said

[hannahbarberra162]

Best in Show (OS Halloween Special ft. Heart Pirates)

on Ao3

GN!Reader x Law ft. your favorite shitheads. No smut, all fluff.

A Halloween silly. Suspend your disbelief. Extra sillies at the end.

WC: 5.8k

Warnings: none, all treats no tricks.

You've spent months preparing for the annual Pirate's Ball party on your island. Your costume is nearly perfect, you want to win first place. A few newfound friends help you along the way to victory.

~

You cursed as you entered the packed shop, trying to squeeze yourself between the many people all competing for last minute Halloween costumes. You were so annoyed at yourself for losing the final piece of your costume for tonight’s Halloween party. You’d completed your costume weeks ago and as you were doing the final try on, you realized you couldn’t find the hat you needed to complete your look. You spent hours scouring your apartment, but it was like the hat had gone to another dimension. Cursing, you decided to brave the costume shop on Halloween to try and find a replacement. It was a fool’s errand, but you really wanted to win best costume this year.

Your island was known for its annual Halloween parties that lasted through the whole month of October. During the other 11 months of the year, your island was boring, nothing of note ever happened. But during October, there were parties held every night, culminating in the raucous, rowdy, rambunctious costume party you’d be going to tonight.  Tourists came from all over the Grand Line to enjoy the week leading up to the Pirate’s Ball. The annual theme of the Ball was Marines and Pirates, and you had to be dressed up to attend. It was the highlight of the year, and winning the costume contest was a huge mark of distinction. There were several categories, best individual costume, best couple, best group, and best crew. You’d spent months perfecting your costume, you put your best effort in to finally win best individual costume after years of trying. 

Your friends would be going to the party too, but they weren’t as invested in winning as you were. They were going as some of the Strawhat Pirates, a popular choice for partygoers. At any given pirate themed party, there were sure to be a bunch of Nami and Robins, Boa Hancocks, Portgas D. Ace’s, Buggies, and even a bunch of Sanjis. Those costumes were easy to make at home - and they were also fairly sexy. You’d offered them to be members of the Heart Pirates with you, but they didn’t want to wear the iconic full body boiler suits. 

Which is why you needed your Trafalgar Law costume to be absolutely perfect. Dressing up as Law was easy in principle, all you needed were jeans and a white tank top. He was a popular choice for a costume, but difficult to get right. But there were a lot of details in the costume that needed to be reproduced in order to be accurate. Law had a lot of tattoos, and not just the famous ones on his hands. He had Kikoku, his giant sword, and his feathery cowled jacket. Not to mention, his earrings, his hat, the markings on his pants…there was a lot you had to get right to have an exact Law costume. And you’d spent weeks upon weeks making sure you had everything exactly right, you were going to be the best Law at the party.

But now, all of that was for naught, because you’d lost your precious, fluffy, puffy, white Trafalgar Law hat. You’d spent so long on it too, looking through different versions of his wanted posters to make sure that your hat was realistic. It made you want to cry, thinking of all the hours spent hunched over the stupid hat, adding dot after dot. The shop sold new and used wares, maybe you’d be lucky like you were the time you found a Kikoku replica during the off season. You didn’t think your luck would get you that far but you were hopeful that there would be a white hat you could quickly paint on in the costume shop. Even then you weren’t sure that it would be dry in time for the party, causing you to groan in frustration once more. 

Taking a deep breath, you pushed your way through the throngs of people towards the hat section. It was in the back of the store, near the try-on rooms, so you had to shove your way past other customers looking for last minute Admiral or pirate costumes. Finally making it to where you needed to go, you hurriedly looked through the hat trees, trying to find anything that would work. You saw some Chopper hats, some Sabo hats, a bunch of Portgas D. Ace hats, even a Mihawk hat, but nothing that would work for Trafalgar Law. You were close to tears, both of anger and sadness, when you saw It. It was puffy, white, with the leopard spots that were so hard to reproduce. It even was broken in the middle of the brim, like his was. It was a perfect Trafalgar Law hat.

It was sitting on top of a glass table by the try on stalls, along with other clothes that had been discarded by would-be buyers. You quickly snatched the hat, still warm from whoever had tried it on before, and stuffed it under your arm. You needed to buy it and get out of the store quickly, in case whoever set it down had any second thoughts. Pushing your way to the checkout counter you saw one of your friends, Tim, in retail hell working the register. Holding up the hat, you made eye contact with them and threw down your Berri by the register. All the hats were the same price, you’d bought many from the store before. Tim grunted, taking your money, as some lady argued about the price of the Koby costume she was buying for her son.

“Thanks, Tim. See you tonight!” you yelled over the din of customers scrambling for last minute costumes. 

“Remember, pregame at Zoey’s!” he replied, ignoring the growing indignation of the customer in front of him. You didn’t envy his position, but as a nurse you’d already put in your hours with shitty people for the week. You had the day and tomorrow off, and you were going to enjoy it. Sure, you had to trade working New Years to get it off…for the next three years…but if you won the contest tonight, it would be worth it. 

Clutching the hat to your chest, you pushed your way out of the store with your prize. You were elated, finally something had gone your way! The first half of the week had been a total shitshow, literally. As a nurse, you were familiar with the various fluids the human body had to offer, but that didn’t mean you wanted to see them all on your clothes. Or shoes. Or hair. It had been a rough few shifts, but the Pirate’s Ball was your guiding light. Walking briskly, you headed home to try on your completed costume and get ready for the night’s activities.

A few hours later, you were on your way to Zoey’s with Kikoku slung over your shoulders. You’d spent endless amounts of time in front of the mirror, painting Law’s signature tattoos over your skin. Your costume was exact, you’d practiced his mannerisms, you’d even brought a little LED light to put in your hand for his Devil Fruit power. Opening the door to Zoey’s apartment, you declared “SHAMBLES!” and stepped inside. Your friends, in various states of pregaming, applauded you. You’d had the same group of friends for a few years now, some from nursing school, some from university, some locals from town. 

“Incredible! You look just like him!” Zoey said, holding your hand to spin you in a circle.

“Thank you Zoey-ya, I spent so long on this, but it’s gonna be worth it,” you said with determination, “I’m gonna win Best Pirate.” You made your declaration more official by unsheathing your metal Kikoku and drawing it like Law did. Of course, your Kikoku was dull and not functional, but it still looked cool. Laughing, Zoey handed you a drink, and the night began in earnest. 

An hour later, you were tipsy and waiting in line with your friends to get into the Pirate’s Ball. You eyed the competition with a growing knot in your stomach. You hadn’t prepared for the competition to be this good. Showing your ticket to the bouncer, you and your friends were allowed into the party. You’d been to the venue many times before, not just during the Pirate’s Ball. The stage was at the back of the main floor, with stairs on either side going to the upper deck. Most of the place was open dance floor, with the bar situated by the main entrance. The venue had been decorated to look like the deck of the Oro Jackson, complete with sails hanging from the ceiling. The dim lights of the bar and the bumping music shrouded the attendees with a perfect amount of anonymity to give in to wild desires. 

Most of the guests had come in conventional pirate costumes. You saw a ton of Portgas D. Aces, Boas, and Buggys. As expected, there were also a lot of Namis and Sanjis, Robins, Rogers, Marcos, and Zoros. There were other pirates represented too, like Hongo, Rayleigh, Cracker, Bartolomeo, and Thatch, but for the most part people dressed up as the regular fan favorites. You went up to the bar to get yourself another drink, in the hopes of finding some liquid courage. 

You were confident that you looked good, but you weren’t all that comfortable being on stage. It was a requirement of the competition that all entrants present their costumes in front of the audience in addition to the judges. A lot of people had fun with it, acting like the pirates or Marines that they dressed up as. It added an element of showmanship to the event, people imitating the pirates who were so often in the news and changing the course of the world. It was important to do well on the presentation because a particularly strong performance could make up for any inconsistencies in costumes.

Walking up to the table with the sign up for the costume contest, you saw that the list of individual costumes was already in the teens. The list for couples was even longer, it was the most popular event of the night. However, the one for groups was the shortest, with only a few names listed. Contestants needed a minimum of three people to enter as a group but couldn’t be the entire crew. Wishing again that your friends had wanted to join you, you scanned the crowd and sipped your drink.

Sipping turned to gulping as you saw the competition at hand. There was an unbelievable Big Mom, an outstanding Mihawk, an excellent Crocodile, and even a really well executed Franky complete with robotic arms. Your likelihood of winning the individual competition was dwindling before your eyes. Now on your second drink at the bar, you wondered if you’d be able to find two other people willing to be in a group with you. You’d found a bunch of Luffys, but no one was dressed as Eustass Kid. There was a Bepo milling through the crowd, but you’d already talked to him. He was in a “First Mates” group with a Zoro and a Killer. Besides, his costume wasn’t even that good, you thought. The insignia on the boiler suit wasn’t correctly placed and the orange of his boiler suit wasn’t the right shade. 

Swaying to the music, you were trying to enjoy your time and keep yourself from overthinking. Your  new strategy was to drink until your worries went away, which was why you were already on your third cocktail. Whereas earlier on you had been leaning against the wall with your arms crossed, like Law probably would, but now you danced with your friends and chatted with other party goers. The real Law would probably have an aneurysm from so much socialization, but you’d lost the plot anyway. You’d deluded yourself into thinking you could win this year, but at least you could have fun at the party. You were finishing off your drink when you saw them from the bottom of your glass.

A Shachi and a Penguin, on the first floor by the stage. Their costumes were impeccable, exactly replicating the real pirates you’d read so much about. The Shachi had even put caps on his teeth to mirror the sharp bite of the pirate he was emulating. The Penguin’s hat was exactly right, and they even had the tattoos that the real pirates did, something most people missed in their costumes. Now on the other side of tipsy, you had the bravery to come up to your “brothers” from the North Blue. Stomping down the stairs, you approached the Shachi and Penguin like the Captain you were. You hoped they were maybe a duo, or going for best couple, and were available for a group costume.

“Shachi-ya, Penguin-ya,” you intoned in your best imitation of Law’s deep voice, “join me for the group contest.” The pair looked at one another, but it was difficult to decipher their reactions since the Shachi was wearing his iconic triangle sunglasses and the Penguin’s eyes were obscured by his hat, just like the real pirates. “I’m j-just kidding,” you said, breaking character. “I was hoping you guys would want to join me for the costume contest, maybe for a group entry? There would be three of us, and your costumes are immaculate,” you said, gesticulating a little too much. The Shachi grinned widely, showcasing his pointed teeth.

“Why, Captain, I wasn’t expecting to see you at the party,” he said, looking you over. “Peng, I think we have the time to help out our dear brother, right? And look, you even have our Captain’s hat,” he exclaimed, nudging the Penguin.

“Of course I do,” you scoffed, “I’m Trafalgar D. Water Law, Captain of the Heart Pirates. I always wear this h-hat. And this scowl.” 

“We are at your beck and call, Captain,” the Penguin said, saluting you. “Tell us what to do and we’ll follow your orders, like always.” 

You laughed and clapped your hands. This was great! You checked with Shachi to make sure they weren’t signed up for another bracket and once you confirmed, you ran to put your names on the registry. They hadn’t told you their real names, so you just put the names of the pirates along with your civilian name. With all the drinks flowing and people getting loose, the hosts would understand if a few names weren’t exactly right.

Hurrying back to your new crewmates, you found the Shachi and Penguin looking at the bar menu. Since they were now working for you (and you felt indebted to them for agreeing so easily to join in the contest) you decided to treat them. You’d worked a lot of overtime in the weeks leading up to the Ball and you had plenty of Berri to burn on drinks.

Clapping them on the shoulders, you had to yell in order to be heard over the noise of the bar. “Boys-ya! Order what you want! Drinks are on me tonight!” Grinning at one another, the men saluted you enthusiastically.

“Aye aye Captain!” 

“Order me something too, whatever Law…I mean whatever you know I like,” you hollered to Penguin.

“Yes, Sir!” Penguin agreed, flashing you a dimpled smile. If you hadn’t known they were wearing costumes, you would have thought they were the real Heart pirates. You’d spend months looking for a wig the exact color of Shachi’s hair but never found one, unlike the Shachi in front of you. Talking with one another easily, the two men obviously were friends outside of the party and quickly brought you a drink. Your face soured as the heavy stout hit your taste buds.

“What’s wrong Captain? Not enjoying your favorite drink tonight?” Shachi asked, gently nudging your ribs with his elbow.

“Of course not, I, Trafalgar D. Water Law, love this terrible beer,” you declared solemnly, to the laughter of the men. With so much alcohol in your system already you could tolerate the dark stout. Besides, it would help for the contest that was about to start if it really was the Captain’s favorite drink. 

“Hey, how do you know the Captain’s full name?” Penguin asked while sipping the appletini he ordered.

“Oh, um, I r-read all the articles he publishes,” you answered while swigging from your beer. “He publishes his full name on his sci-scientific papers.” You wanted to talk to the Shachi and Penguin more about what to do for the contest but the crowd had already quieted for the MCs to begin hosting the competition. The three of you huddled together near your larger group of friends and waited for your turn to be called up to the stage. 

Watching the show made you glad you’d removed yourself from the solo competition. The individual bracket had a splendid turn out and you got to enjoy performances from many “pirates.” You thought the two standouts were the Big Mom who pretended to give birth to dolls, as well as an incredibly executed Perona who even brought a Kumae doll with her and had a "tantrum" on stage. Your stomach churned with the knowledge that you’d be the one on the stage soon which made your attention wander from the stage. Soon, the individual and couples segments had run their course and it was time for the group presentations. 

You couldn’t stand still as you waited for your turn in the group, stagefright consuming your thoughts. Shachi and Penguin, both on their third drink, were lounging and chatting and unaffected by the coming spotlight.

“Hey, Cap, you alright there?” Shachi asked while swirling his Old Fashioned.

“Y-yeah, just…I don’t like being in the spotlight,” you replied while peeking to the stage, watching a goth family of Perona, Zoro, and Mihawk pretend to bicker.

“Neither does the real Law,” Penguin assured you while patting your back. 

“Yeah, he only likes to show off in battle,” agreed Shachi, laying his arm across your shoulder. Your brow furrowed at the information.

“How do you know that? I’ve never heard anything like that and I think I’ve read everything about the man that’s been printed,” you asked.

“We..uh, watch every snailfilm we can find on him....we’re...um, superfans!” exclaimed Penguin.

“Yeah! And uh, doesn’t it seem like him too? He can be so humble, ” Shachi remarked with a serious nod.

“You’re right, it would be in character. What should we do when we’re on the stage? I’ll go first and then you guys can come -” 

“We got this. We’ve uh…practiced before,” Penguin interrupted. You nodded while swallowing the lump in your throat. Your turn was next and you were filled with nervous energy you needed to quell.

“Switch drinks with me,” you demanded while holding out your half full glass of beer.

“Yes, Captain!” Penguin said, switching the dark brew for a Cosmo. Being the Captain had its perks, it seemed. Maybe you’d reconsider becoming a pirate if it meant handsome men at your beck and call. 

“And how did you know this is his favorite drink?” you asked suspiciously. 

“Everyone knows he’s from the North Blue,” Penguin explained. “That’s the most popular beverage in that area. It was just a guess,” he finished with a shrug. Your names were called and you had no more time for talking. You chugged the rest of the martini and ambled on stage, pulling out all the Law-like mannerisms you’d practiced in the mirror.

Walking up to the microphone center of the stage slowly, you boomed “ROOM” to the crowd and turned on the LED light in your palm. The crowd applauded and cheered, giving you the chance to give a Law-like smirk. 

“And now, my crew mates Shachi and Penguin!” you growled, motioning to the pair still behind the stage. They leapt into action, joining behind you with their limbs in a fighting pose.

“It’s nice to make your acquaintance party people!” they said in unison. They hadn’t lied, they really had practiced this together. The three of you walked the stage as was required, showing off the costumes you’d all poured your time and energy into.

“And who’s that?” yelled Shachi, grabbing the microphone from the stand. “Why, it’s our first mate, Bepo! Come up to the stage Bepo, join us!” The crowd parted to reveal someone in a perfect replica Bepo costume.

“Come on, cheer for Bepo everyone!” Shachi continued, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. The cacophony that erupted overpowered even the MCs on the microphones.

“Bepo! Bepo! Bepo!” Penguin chanted and the audience joined in. With a yell, the Bepo launched himself to the stage, joining the other Heart Pirates. Bepo showed off his claws, moving and holding a karate style pose along with Penguin and Shachi. You folded your arms in front of your chest and the flash of a snail told you a picture had been taken. The crowd roared with their approval of the costumes and you blushed furiously. The last second addition of Bepo took the judges by storm, they all gave your group 10s. 

Rushing off the stage, you squeezed Shachi and Penguin into a tight hug. “That was amazing! Thank you guys so much!” The person in the mink costume was already trying to drag the pair away even as he apologized under his breath. “And thank you, Bepo! We’ve won for sure, I can’t imagine another group can get a perfect score!” You kissed the snout of the mink costume, leaving behind some of your face makeup on its white fur. “Sorry about that,” you apologized while rubbing the makeup off with your arm. The costume was so realistic you couldn’t believe how soft the fur was. If you were able to remember you wanted to ask the person how they made it look so life-like. One more drink and you’d ask to sleep on top of it.

“Let’s go, Captain is annoyed!” Bepo exclaimed, pulling a reluctant Shachi and Penguin down the wings backstage.

“Aw, come on Bep. It’s Halloween, give us a few more minutes” Shachi grumbled.

“Yeah, Bepo. We have to stay until they declare the winners at least... and who knows? You might get a trophy,” Penguin said while waggling his eyebrows. In the dim light it almost looked like the mink’s eyes grew wider.

“Besides, I’m the Captain,” you joined in. You didn’t want the night to end, the Penguin and Shachi were fun to be around. “I say we keep drinking!” you added with a fist raised in the air. Shachi and Penguin whooped and picked you up onto their shoulders, passing through the packed floor of the venue with ease. Bepo followed behind slowly while trying to avoid stepping on other patrons. Depositing you on your feet in front of the bar, you fished more Berri out of your pocket and handed it off to Shachi. Perching on a bar stool facing the bar, you watched your hard earned money being turned into Lemon Drops for the four of you. Worth every penny.

“And who might you be?” a deep voice asked from behind.

Channeling your inner Law, you turned around as you sneered while looking the speaker up and down, “I am Dr. Traflagar D. Water Law, Captain of the Heart Pirates, former Warlord of the Sea, part of the worst generation, surgeon extraordinaire, supreme user of the Ope Ope no Mi and the future Pirate King. Who might you be?” You tried to maintain your stony face but couldn't after you saw the other person was also a Law cosplayer. “Oh, sorry, you knew all that already. I’m - we’re Trafalgar Law!” You broke into a smile, unable to maintain Law’s stoic recalcitrance.

Looking over the other Law, your mouth dropped open. “Wow! Your costume is insane! It’s so detailed, you’ve got every little thing down. Did you pierce your ears for this too?” you asked and reached out to touch the small golden earrings dangling from his ears. The Law jerked back, giving you a frown.

“Here you go Captain,” Shachi said while wrapping an arm around you to pass you your drink. 

“Thank you Shachi-ya,” you replied before taking a gulp. 

“I didn’t order anything,” the other Law intoned. 

“ You didn’t, Law did,” Penguin said, lifting his own glass to you. You giggled at the gesture and returned the drinking salute.

“That’s r-right, this is my crew! Penguin-ya, Shachi-ya, and Bepo-ya!” you slurred. Perhaps continuing to drink wasn’t the best idea but you’d find out for sure tomorrow.

“I don’t call him Penguin-ya, just Penguin,” Other Law scoffed.

“W-well la dee dah . P-peng! Let’s get more, yeah?” You’d already finished your fourth? Fifth? Drink of the night and you were feeling great.

“Negative, Cap. Let’s wait a few. Maybe get some fresh air,” Penguin suggested. You huffed but they led you out to the patio. Penguin and Shachi went to secure one of the tables, Bepo had left to use the restroom which left you and Law talking together under the fairy lights. A few of your friends were there smoking which made you want a cigarette of your own. Maybe you’d bum one off them....you thought while longingly watching the plumes of smoke.

“Don’t even think about it,” Other Law told you. “Nicotine is a dangerous, addicting substance and smoking alone increases your mortality rate by -”

“Blah blah I know, I know. I’m a n-nurse. I know the stats,” you groaned while still eyeing the temptation. 

“A nurse? Is that why you dressed as Trafalgar Law?” his long lithe body leaning against the exterior brick wall. For a Law impersonator, he really hit all the checkboxes. He was so similar looking to the real Law, it made you feel some kind of way. This Other Law was incredibly good looking and had the deep gravelly voice you’d always imagined Law would. He was tan and well muscled, and even had the dark eye bags you found strangely attractive. It would be weird to ask for but maybe he’d make out with you while he was still in costume after a few more drinks.

“Pfff. N-not just dressed like him. He’s the reason I became a nurse at a-all. I wasn’t smart enough for me-medical school but I wanted to be like him a l-little.” Normally you didn’t talk to strangers, much less bare your soul to them, but you were a touch wasted. 

“Hmm. Nurses are just as important as doctors,” Other Law said sagely, the two of you nodding at one another.

“I know, b-but it’s not just that! He’s so smart and handsome and hot and amazing and I want him to be the Pirate King even though it’s probably gonna be St-Strawhat and his articles are so interesting and he’s so sophisticated and his brothers are so lovely and I just love him s -so hic much!” Your Law rant was interrupted by the overhead speaker announcing the winners of the costume contest. Everyone went silent as they listened in. “Gah, I’m so nervous, can I hold your hand?” you asked the Other Law. You didn’t wait for an answer instead reaching and gripping the man’s tan hand. It had the same “tattoos” yours did which made for a funny look as you squeezed tightly.

The first, second, and third place prizes for Best Individual and Couple were announced and with every announcement you gripped Other Law’s hand tighter and tighter. Finally, it was time for the announcement you’d been waiting for. Shachi, Bepo, and Penguin had come to stand by you and Law, everyone listening in for the announcement. 

AND THE FIRST PLACE WINNER OF BEST GROUP GOES TO…….THE HEART PIRATES!

You screamed as loud as you could in delight while Penguin picked you up into the air and spun you in a circle. Bepo rubbed his head on Shachi’s hat in happiness while the assembled crowd cheered for you. 

“Penguin! Shachi! Bepo! We won!! We won! Oh my god I finally won!” Penguin was still spinning you and the world turned on its axis. “Whoa, uh…I think you should stop that,” you groaned while holding your head. You might have gone a little past your limit.  A lot past.

“We can go now, right Captain?” Bepo asked, his hands worrying together. You could imagine why a full bear mink costume would be uncomfortable but that was no reason to end the night early. 

“N-no!” you yelled.

“Sure, Bepo. Let's head back.” Other Law answered simultaneously. Penguin put you down and leaned on Shachi’s shoulder with his forearm. Penguin looked between you and Other Law several times.

“I dunno, Shach,” Penguin said while rubbing his chin in thought, “it’s hard to tell which one is actually our Captain. Who should we listen to? This Law wants to go home but this Law wants to stay and keep having fun…” Penguin gestured between the two of you.

Shachi’s sharp grin split his face in half with delight. “You’re right, Peng. Which one is the real Law? Hmmmm…” Shachi’s rapid double takes between the two of you caused you to giggle. Holding Kikoku in your crossed arms, you did your best Law impression opposite Other Law. Other Law was decidedly not amused by the antics of his friends, making you break character to laugh at his snarl.

“Well, this one has Captain’s hat, they must be the right one!” Shachi declared, putting his hand on your shoulder. Penguin hummed in agreement, nodding along with his friend. The two of them stood flanking you with their arms crossed like they were your actual crew.

“You boys are my best friends, you know me so well. I l-love you guys,” you asserted while furrowing your brow. You threw your arms over their shoulders and brought the two of them into a quick group hug. You thought you saw Other Law’s eye twitching.

“Awww, Captain, we love you tooooooo,” Penguin said while placing a sloppy kiss on your cheek, making you laugh. This time Other Law’s eye did twitch.

“Room. Shambles,” Other Law said. The deck went quiet as the hat that had been on your head was now firmly on Law’s. The real Law. Trafalgar D. Water Law. Your hero, your inspiration, the reason you changes majors in college. Your eyes opened wide as your mind went blank. Should you apologize? Did you need to plead for your life? Was he mad at you? Did he like your costume? Was he glad you’d won?  Would he let you trace his tattoos with your tongue? Did he want your heart in a cube? Did he have to look so hot?

“I’ve been looking for my hat all day. Lost it in that damn costume shop while Bepo was looking for an Uta costume,” Law scowled. Bepo bowed his head apologetically.

“Sorry Captain,” was his pathetic response. Law gave the mink a small smile as you imagined rubbing your face on his plush fur. 

“It’s alright Bepo, I’m just sorry the costume didn’t fit,” the Captain said quietly to his first mate. You had a million questions for the mink but your muddled mind wouldn’t bring any to the forefront.

“Um, Cap- er, um, Dr. Trafalgar, I’m sorry for what I said earlier, and, um…for d-dressing up like you.” You couldn’t look Law in the eye, you were tapping your replica Law shoes against the wood deck of the patio. You really did respect him professionally and hoped you hadn’t embarrassed yourself too much.

To your relief the corners of the Captain’s mouth quirked up into an almost smile. “It’s a good imitation, you won first place. All you need is my hat and we’re practically twins,” he said, touching the hat now on his own head. 

“Uh, sorry for that too. I didn’t know it was the - your h-hat,” you stuttered. It did look like it belonged to him - it looked so natural perched on his beautiful head. Your good sense must have been shambled to another dimension because you asked the first thing that came to mind. 

“And I thought sh-shambles replaces things. What do I get if you have my h-hat?” 

“This,” Law said, kissing you chastely on your cheek. It was innocent and sweet, but he might as well have stuck his tongue down your throat with how red your face suddenly blazed.

“The Tang is on the far side of the port if you want to come by tomorrow to chat after you’re sober. Good night, Law-ya.”

~~~

Bonus sillies

Law: Take off those medals, they’re not part of the uniform

Shachi: *wearing his 1st place medal over his suit* you’re just jealous 

Penguin: yeah, it’s obvious our costumes were the best

Law: they weren’t costumes! You cheated! 

Shachi: *whispers* I wish Other Law was here, they would let us wear our medals

Penguin: And they bought us drinks, shoulda chosen them instead

Law shambles them into the sea

~

Marco: Ace, put down my extra shirt. You’re not dressing up as me for that Pirate Ball yoi.

Ace: But I need a costume with a shirt to cover my tattoo! No one on the crew wears a shirt except for Izou and he said I can’t even look at his wardrobe.

Marco: That’s not my problem yoi.

Ace: That’s yoi not yoi my yoi problem yoi

Marco: I don’t sound like that

Ace: * now wearing Marco’s shirt, twirling in a circle* Look at meeeee, I’m Maaaarco. You can’t tell if my eyes are open or closed cuz I’m a biiiiiiiiird

Marco tosses Ace overboard, Ace doesn’t get to the party

~

Shanks: Sooooooooooo, how many Shanks were there :) :) :) 

Hongo: Just one

Shanks: :( 

Hongo: But you won best couple

Shanks: :) :) with who?

Hongo: It was a Shuggy couple

Shanks:*groans* Every year! 

Buggy: what now, Redhair?

Shanks: nothing honey * kisses his hand *

Buggy: * yanking hand away * How many Buggys were there? 

Hongo: 17

Buggy: heh * flips Shanks off with the hand wearing his wedding ring *

~ 

Shanks: Why don’t more people dress up as me? It’s such a sexy and easy costume! Open shirt, red wig, cool pants, sandals….

Beckman: I keep telling you, ladies don’t like dressing up as middle aged men. If you want more cosplayers, we gotta get women on the crew.

Shanks: Maybe if I wear fewer clothes…

Beckman: NO!

Shanks: …..wait, I’m not middle aged.

Hongo: tell that to your receding hairline.

~

Blackbeard: So, how many Blackbeards were there?

Von Augur: I wasn’t allowed in :( 

~

Knockoff Spirit Halloween Marine Costumes 

Vice Admiral Open Handed Slap

Captain Honesty (comes with wrong color wig)

Admiral Angry Lava

Vice Admiral Vapor

Happy Halloween!

[strangersatellites]

Eddie’s zoned out as he prattles off care instructions and wraps up the man’s (very strong) bicep, careful to tug it tight enough as to not hurt him. 

He’s distracted. Has been for the better part of the past hour. 

Steve’s been the ideal client. Perfect, he might even say. 

Hardly nervous at all as he climbed into the chair and made himself comfortable. No flinching at the needle, and he’s been as easy-going as anything. 

His eyes were heavy lidded and fluttery as the needle pressed into his skin, a soft smile gracing his face as he watched his spitfire little girl flip through Eddie’s books for a design she liked. 

“You find anything you like, baby?” He asked.

Eddie took a pause to peek up at the little redhead across the room. Her hair in two little braids, eyebrows furrowed, and tongue poked out in concentration.

“No, I wanted a dinosaur but these are all flowers and stuff,” She pouted.

Eddie huffed a quiet laugh. 

“Tell you what kiddo,” He stole a glance at Steve, blissed out in the chair. “Since your dad has been such a good sport and you’ve been so good, I’ll draw you up a dinosaur when we’re finished okay?”

Max’s eyes lit up and she giggled behind her hands and nodded.

Now that Steve’s tattoo is done, a pumpkin on the inside of his bicep, he sits up and calls her over.

“Come see, pumpkin.”

And Eddie hadn’t asked, but now, as he watches her bounce across the room and gasp at her dad’s tattoo he feels his face split into a smile.

“Daddy it's me!”

Steve laughs and it's so so lovely. He drops a kiss to the top of her head before he stands. 

“It is you, bug.”

Eddie peels off his gloves and puts his hands on his hips.

“Alright miss lady. Let’s draw you a dinosaur. What kind are you thinking? Stegosaurus, pterodactyl?”

She jumps up with her arms bent to her body and roars. 

“I’m a T-Rex!”

Eddie laughs and gets settled at his table. 

“Alright firecracker, let’s draw you a T-Rex.”

*****

After he’s sketched the outline, a little cartoon dinosaur, he runs it through on his temporary tattoo sheet and sets to “prepping” his station.

He sprays down the chair and tugs on more gloves.

He sits on his stool and pats the chair. 

“Come on up Red.”

She squeals and runs over and Steve hoists her up onto the chair.

In the meantime, Eddie rolls over to his mini-fridge in the corner and grabs the cold rag he’s had in the freezer.

He can hear Steve whisper as he tucks a loose hair behind her ear. 

“You excited, huh? My brave girl.” 

And Eddie’s heart melts. 

He rolls back over and puts on his serious face. 

“Okay Max. You’re gonna feel a sting but you’re a tough girl, aren’t ya?”

She furrows her brows and nods. She rolls up her own sleeve. 

“I’m strong!”

He can’t help but smile. 

“You sure are. Look at those muscles!”

He peels off the plastic covering the ink. 

“Where do you want to put it?” He asks.

She pats her upper arm.

“Here. Just like daddy!”

Eddie grins again and Steve is biting back a smile from his spot behind the chair. Eddie sends him a wink and watches the flush bloom across his cheeks.

“You ready, Red?”

Her focus face is back and she nods resolutely.

Eddie lines up the sheet and sticks it to her arm. She turns her head back towards Steve.

“Daddy? Will you hold my hand?”

As if Eddie’s heart wasn’t already a puddle on the floor.

“Here we go, sweetheart,” Eddie says as he presses the cold rag to her skin.

He hisses through his teeth and grimaces like he’s in pain. He holds back a laugh as she puffs out her cheeks and visibly squeezes her dad’s hand.

“You’re doing so good, baby,” Steve tells her. 

She lets out a sharp little breath as Eddie shifts and presses the rag back against her skin. 

She looks up towards him and giggles. 

“It’s not that bad. I’m tough like daddy.”

He flops the rag back down on his tray and goes to peel the paper away from her skin.

“Yes you are!” He says as he smiles down at her cute little dinosaur, “Do you like it?”

She looks down at it and squeals. 

“Look daddy! Look!”

Steve hoists her up onto his hip and swings her around, giggles filling the space and Eddie’s heart. 

“I love it, pumpkin! You’re the coolest little girl in the whole world!”

He puts her down and she runs around the chair to where Eddie is peeling off his second set of gloves and bumps right up next to him. He furrows his eyebrows and goes to ask what’s wrong when he’s interrupted.

“Look dad! Just like Eddie!”

And now that he looks at it he sees it. Max’s dinosaur is in the same place as her dad’s tattoo. But it’s in the same place as Eddie’s dragon too.

[ebthanyyart]

Date Night! 💖 (Ref used)

[eternal-work-in-progress]

hehehheheheheh I have been writing obsessively recently so have an Unnamed Ruined Reality Alternate Universe Oneshot

this is a concept I made and outlined with my friend and I have finally actually translated it into proper written word??? Unimaginable

​also woopsies general AU stuff before you read: Filii/Filiae/Filius/Filia all take the place of the species Steve! The different Filii use different languages so their subspecies name is translates (ie. yellow -> Galben in Romanian, aquamarine -> Aquamarijn in Dutch, violet -> Violetto in Italian)

Griffin ran from the room, away from his mother, away from the horror he felt while looking at her. Caliban watched him go. In disbelief, she muttered, “No… Why would you run…?”

She stood still, staring out the open door to the hallway, her cell’s only source of light. Something moved to her left and her head snapped toward it immediately. And she saw… Athena. The glorious, loyal, deadly, traitorous Athena. The poor woman looked exhausted. She turned to Caliban with no hate in her eyes, which Caliban did not deserve.

“Because he knows what’s best for himself,” Athena spoke softly but intensely. “And so do I.” The general turned to leave the room.

Caliban could not allow that. She… She wanted Athena to stay. Stay with her. Why wouldn’t anyone stay? Why wouldn’t anyone listen?! She’s not insane! She’s not dangerous! She shouldn’t be stuck down here! They’ll leave her here to rot. No, no, no, the queen of nightmares will not rot before her traitors do. This traitor will not leave.

The Queen stepped forward and her restraints tensed immediately, chain pulling against chain. Her head rolled forward, as though she had little control of her own body, as though she was possessed. The Queen was a caged animal. With a sudden and very raw anger, she screamed.

“ATHENAAAAA!”

The general stopped, bracing her weapon, but did not turn to the animal.

“YOU ARE NOT SO PURE.”

From the moisture in the air and the water sunk into the bricks, the general summoned a fist of water and ice to encase her right hand. It seemed she was preparing for a fight.

“YOU ARE A MONSTER! YOU ARE A MURDERER! YOU ARE A WARRIOR WHO HAS LOST HER FAUX GLORY. YOU HAVE KILLED THOUSANDS AND YOU ARE PRAISED. YOU ARE GIVEN TITLES OF RENOWN. BUT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE IMPURE.”

The general spoke lowly, something unreadable clouding her face. “I never said I was pure.”

“YOU TAKE AWAY MY SON AND EXPECT ME TO SIT HERE. WAITING FOR SOME SAVIOR.”

The general took a deep breath…. Athena kept walking away. But the Queen could still see her. The Queen continued to scream after her. She could not stop herself.

“ATHENA. WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT FROM THE SOLDIERS YOU HAVE KILLED IN BATTLE? WERE THEY NOT FILII LIKE YOUR ELITES? WERE SOME NOT CHILDREN? WERE THEY NOT SIMPLY ON THE WRONG SIDE?”

Athena kept walking.

“I ONLY ASK, ATHENA, WHAT I’M CERTAIN OUR FELLOW LEADERS HAVE ASKED YOU.

“I STAND ON THE WRONG SIDE.

“WHY HAVE YOU NOT KILLED ME?!”

The Queen fell to her knees, having lost the battle against her metal restraints. But her corrupted eyes remained trained on Athena’s figure in the hallway, which had stopped moving. The Queen finally remained silent.

…Athena returned to the room. She walked over to the Queen, standing over her while the infected woman sat in her shadow. The Queen stared up at her old friend with her furious red eyes.

“...We have not killed you because we so desperately wish to save you,” whispered the general, leaning down closer. “I vowed long ago to never kill without reason. To never take a life that could be salvaged.” She still held her weapon in her hands and weariness in her eyes. This was what she came here for.

The general stood back up, straighter. “...I am sorry, Caliban. More than you know.” She gripped the weapon tighter. “Let me grant you peace.” This was what she came here for.

And yet, she saw something shift in the Queen’s eyes. When the fury faded, her eyes held only immense tiredness. And yet she smiled softly. Caliban bowed her head.

Athena looked down upon her. “...Tell me truthfully, Caliban… Did the Darkness really help you?”

Caliban bowed further. Her friend heard pain in her voice. “Please kill me….”

Athena’s eyes widened, she could hear her own heart beating. After only a second of consideration, she took the risk of wrapping her best friend in a hug. Caliban could not return it with the chains around her wrists still pulling, but she leaned into the Aquamarijn, savoring this last comfort, this last moment of lucidity. When Athena spoke, her voice was small and quiet, “I’m so sorry, Cal.”

Then, there was silence for a long time. “...Rest well for us…” Athena whispered. She raised her weapon behind Caliban’s back. The Galben did not brace herself for pain or death. All she did was nod, still leaning on her friend. Athena felt Caliban’s warm tears fall onto her shoulder.

“...Tell Griffin…” Caliban said when she decided she should speak, “...I’m sorry.”

“I will, I will. We love you so much.” Athena let the embrace linger for a minute longer.

“... You were wonderful.”

The final blow was swift and simple, to her back. Athena dropped her weapon right after, wrapping both arms around Caliban. The Galben did not scream. She died as she lived.

In pain.

But loved.

Athena laid her body down gently. She didn’t try to stop any tears from falling. Taking Caliban’s hand, she sat next to her for a little while. Grieving. The Galben looked at peace, despite the scars of Darkness… Athena stared at her face, thinking of it all. Their laughter, their joy, their girl’s nights. Their fights and disagreements, their friendship growing deeper. The Darkness. The glowing lights on Caliban’s dress and jewelry slowly dulled. It pained Athena.

She didn’t have to watch, she knew. But she would anyway. Caliban was her best friend. Athena would sit and stay until she was completely gone. So she sat.

Amadeo, Chief Violetto, walked slowly through the underground hallways of the Outpost with a crossbow in hand. He wanted to be safe, in case Athena had been unable to handle the Nightmare Queen. He doubted that she would fail—she was the one who suggested this, after all—but… just in case. He hesitantly poked his head through the open doorway and scanned the room for any sign of a struggle or fight. There was none. Then he saw Athena, with Caliban in her arms.

“...Athena?” he whispered.

Athena did not look up.

Amadeo walked in further. The cell was so isolated. So dark and wet. They’d all regretted placing Caliban here. But her behavior was just becoming too erratic. He saw Athena sitting quietly, staring at the Filia Galben, who looked to merely be asleep. But the scars… They’d looked so shallow, but they’d run so deep. Amadeo knelt down next to both of them, facing the back wall.

“...We’ll miss her,” he said.

Athena gave a small nod. “Always.” She felt guilt. But she knew this kill was in mercy. Caliban’s last words rang in her head. Please kill me. I’m sorry.

Amadeo relaxed his shoulders and set his crossbow down away from the women. There was pain in him. There was always pain in him, but there were times when it became clearer. This was one of those times. “There was no fight?”

“...She asked me to end it herself.”

He leaned back and looked at the ceiling. “She was still there?”

Athena was silent for a moment. “Do you think… we still could have saved her?”

Amadeo had been in Athena’s position before. He took a deep breath. “...No. Whatever was left of her… It was just suffering…. You saved her.”

��Athena brought one of Caliban’s hands to her face, placing it on her cheek. It was already cold against her skin. “...How is Griffin…?”

The Chief Violetto sighed and looked back down to the wall. “Vaughn is comforting him. He knows this was all we could do.” He frowned sadly. “We won’t be able to give him a proper coronation. …But I don’t think it matters at this point.”

“There is nothing to rule over…” Athena said. Four. There were four Filii Galben left. Amadeo rubbed his face. He was… exhausted. They all were exhausted.

“...Where will we bury her?” Athena asked quietly.

“...I don’t know if we should with all that Darkness, Ath…”

Right, Athena thought.

“We could… ask the Rojos to cremate her?” Amadeo suggested. “It’s just… The Royal Galben tombs are unreachable…”

Slowly, Athena nodded.

“...I’m sorry. You were closer to her than any of us.”

Athena… gave a small smile. Amadeo assumed the gesture was meant for his sake, but she still stared at the corpse. “It is alright. I would rather her be at peace than in pain. Even if by my own hand.” But she had cried and would again. She grieved for every kill she committed. Amadeo knew.

He thought and thought in their silence. About the World Beyond and Below. About his fellow leaders. About death and sadness. He didn’t cry for Caliban, he couldn’t. He had no tears left in him. He thought about Pietro. How Amadeo had held his body in the same way Athena held Caliban’s. How the same thoughts had run through his head. How doomed and ruined everything felt.

But he had allies now…. He was not alone in an old, corrupted village. They would all comfort Athena. They would all honor Caliban somehow. Griffin would be given the title he deserved. They would all continue to try.

He shut his eyes and stood, grabbing his crossbow. “I will… go inform King Rei.”

“Alright.”

He… he walked away. And Athena was alone again. With a body that was slowly getting cold. More tears fell.

[laura-elizabeth-legaspi-weaver]

Kim: Is your muffin buttered?

Kerry: What?

Kim: Would you like me to assign someone to butter your muffin?

[kdramas-or-any-other-kcontent]

Cheong Ah: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Lee Chan: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Cheong Ah: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Lee Chan: But I heard a siren. Eun Yoo: That was Eun Gyeol. Eun Gyeol: Sorry, I got nervous.

[rosehxnt]

i just saw someone call nrc a high school…it’s night raven college not night raven high school

[separatist-apologist]

Ok but when I saw the beard post I was thinking apocalypse Lucien who hasn’t had a shower in days and somehow manages to smell good and still be hot

He has an appropriate, Aragorn amount of stubble despite lacking a razor

[vainglory-esque]

Last night I got like suuuuuuper into researching a certain very popular in the 90s rap group from Memphis (hint hint) and the conspiracy that they literally worship the devil

and I find it so fascinating from the standpoint of how opposed it is to the spiritual values of groups they were kinda lumped in with musically during their heyday, the most known (boney) group has a pretty notable beef with the members of the supposedly devil worshipping group and he's made public statements about his experiences with them personally and why he doesn't fuck with their beliefs. Also, I found out that half of them have passed before age 50, and all 3 of those who passed did so in the city where they supposedly sacrificed someone for the asking of fame and glory— that's fucking wild and I'm not a big believer in coincidences personally, especially concerning these matters.

There's also some recent interviews of the less famous (for lack of a better term) remaining member of the three, and he fully admits and goes into detail about their attempts to invoke dark forces, and how they really weren't just fucking around for shock value when one of them called herself The Devil's Daughter.

I'm so morbidly fascinated with the rumors of the sigils named for their home city and the purpose of them as someone coming from the opposite end of the spectrum concerning all things otherworldly, it's so fucking interesting what makes people want to perform black magic (for lack of a better term).

My partner grew up in a similar community as the artists and sought out similar ✨ dark ✨ things as an adult and spent time around people who called themselves priestesses of dark matters, so I made them spend a solid hour explaining it all to me and where the rumors come from, what people consider evidence of the validity of the idea and opposing points to the notion, and it's really so fucking interesting— I highly recommend this rabbit hole if anyone is also into 90s hip hop and black magic/demonology

[mortoinquieto]

//I need us all to agree to never ask how the hell Duncan takes pictures and just accept it for what it is 😌🙏 Thanks

[chaoticfandomthot]

Watching a show with someone that refuses to suspend their disbelief is unbearable

HAVE A LITTLE WHIMSY FOR FUCKS SAKE

[spenglercore]

They will also get 'It's fiction. Not a scientific paper up for peer review. Go away.' Basic rule of thumb: unless the creator ASKS for it, keep your 'critique' to yourself.

I DO agree with 'You don't need to give a number'. Without any research, how many people out there Just Know how old their hometown actually is, exactly? How many people Just Know the exact speed of the space shuttle on re entry off the top of their heads? How many people Just Know the exact speed of the current land speed record? 'A few hundred years' or 'fast enough that the effects of ram air create plasma' or 'over mach one' are all acceptable answers that don't often need any more detail. Your characters don't have to know everything or have a complete understanding of how the world around them works! That's how things often are in reality, too!

But what if you're writing a character who is actually in on the science? What if an exact number relates to the plot ? Or would be really FUCKING funny, even if it's incorrect? What if YOU have the PhD?

As a former welder, it GRATES on me when I see an oxyfuel cutting torch being used to ARC WELD. Or I read about someone weldIng cast iron to aluminum BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT.

You know what I do in those situations? I remind myself that most people out there aren't professional welders or metallurgists with a working knowledge of the chemistry behind the process and the materials. It will be fine. The world will not end because of one mistake in a movie. And my commenting on it or calling out the writer won't do anything but make me look like an asshole and possibly cause someone to stop writing and sharing their work. My professional knowledge on the subject was not asked for, nor is it necessary.

You don't NEED exact numbers in your fic. You also don't need to do the math for fucking fiction just to prove the writer is wrong and call out their 'mistake'. You are not doing anyone any good by giving unsolicited critique. You ARE being rude.

speculative fiction writers i am going to give you a really urgent piece of advice: don't say numbers. don't give your readers any numbers. how heavy is the sword? lots. how old is that city? plenty. how big is the fort? massive. how fast is the spaceship? not very, it's secondhand.

the minute you say a number your readers can check your math and you cannot do math better than your most autistic critic. i guarantee. don't let your readers do any math. when did something happen? awhile ago. how many bullets can that gun fire? trick question, it shoots lasers, and it shoots em HARD.

you are lying to people for fun. if you let them do math at you the lie collapses and it's no fun anymore.

[elftwink]

if you're about to get top surgery, you may hear a voice in your head telling you to make a joke about getting something off your chest even though it's overplayed. im here to let you know it's your imperative and sacred duty to not only make the joke but to tell it to every person you talk to. and that you are right it would be funny as fuck. this is not sarcastic if you tell enough people one of them will have never heard it before and also it's still funny to every person who has heard it listen to me this is a once in a life time opportunity— [i start getting dragged out by the palace guards] commit to the bit!!! if you don't you'll forever wish you had!! heed my warning or forever suffer the cons— [castle door slams shut behind us]

[draconym]

Live theater in the His Dark Materials universe must be wild. Surely an actor's daemon also has lines to recite, so their daemon's form probably also factors into casting decisions. Maybe some plays have vague character descriptions for daemons, but I bet other plays have really specific or central daemon characters. And sure, big-budget theaters can afford to hire a separate actor with a particular daemon to stand backstage while their daemon plays its part onstage, but community theaters don't have those kinds of resources.

Like if you're casting for Julius Caesar, surely the real historical Caesar had a pretty iconic daemon, right? Are you going to cast an actor with a pigeon daemon as Caesar and just have everyone suspend their disbelief that it's Caesar's lioness, ἁμαρτία?

[ninyard]

in the mind of andrew minyard