#susan cuthbert

[operafantomet]

BLONDE CHRISTINES (2004 EDITION)

Susan Cuthbert, Toronto (1989-1992): She started out with brown wig and it's also what her official photos shows. But soon she was fitted with a blonde wig, and it can be seen in some very few curtain call / backstage photos.

Emmi Christensson, West End (2014-2016): Whereas her 2016-2017 Stockholm wig was exceptionally dark, her West End wig was all blonde. Quite the contrast.

Renata Krassy, Budapest (2003-2023): The Hungarian Christines originally wore their own hair, with the addition of large curly extensions hidden under a braid. This meant that many different haircolours was seen. Renata Krassy was definitely the blondest.

Linda Kiraly, Budapest (2003-2004): Another of the original Hungarian Christines. She also featured her own hair over the forehead/braid, but more highlighted and with darker areas and lighter extensions.

Hanna-Liina Võsa, Tallin and Tartu (2014, 2017-2018). The original Estonian production featured one blonde and one brunette Christine, who alternated equally in the role. Hanna-Liina was the blonde one. For her run in Finland she wore a red wig.

Hanna Ulvan, Kristianstad (2023). Whereas the original Christine in this production wore a red wig, Hanna Ulvan wore a fairly classic curly blonde one. This as a contrast to her Stockholm replica wig, which was fairly dark brown.

Irina Ioana Baiant, Bucharest (2015 / 2022-2023). She is possibly the only Christine to feature two different blonde hairdos in two different non-replica productions, but in the same city. For the original Romanian production she wore her own hair, curled and draped up at one side. It looks like she's still wearing her own hair in the new production, but longer, and with the hair pulled back over the forehead.

Mira Ormala, Oslo (2018): When the Romanian production was revamped for Norway, Christine got a wig. A quite curly one, with hair asymmetrically draped over the temples. She also wore an own bead-decorated updo wig for Masquerade.

Astrid Giske, Oslo (2018-2019): When Astrid Giske took over as principal from Mira Ormala, she wore a similar wig, but a hint darker, and with bigger, thicker locks. She also donned the updo wig for Masquerade. Her understudy Charlotte Brænna was seen with the same look for her one Christine performance.

Amy Manford, Thessaloniki and Athens (2020): Whereas Amy Manford wore a regular curly brown wig in West End and the Restaged Tour, her Greek look was a big blonde wig with styling not too unlike the replica wigs.

Celinde Schoenmaker, Thessaloniki and Athens (2020): She and Amy Manford shared the role, and they also wore fairly similar wigs. Celinde had previously worn an auburn/honey-coloured wig in West End.

Harriet Jones, Athens and Thessaloniki, Middle East and European Tour (2023-2024): She has worn so many different Christine wigs it's not even funny! For this production she first wore a long, sleek blonde wig with more waves than curls, and with a middle-parted hairdo - reminding of her original light auburn West End wig, except of course the colour. After Greece she was fitted with a shorter and much curlier wig with side drape. Her co-Christine (next) as well as u/s Bridget Costello, Jessica Hackett and Grace Chapman also donned this style.

Georgia Wilkinson, Athens and Thessaloniki, Middle East and European Tour (2023-2024). Sharing the role with Harriet Jones, they have worn similar wigs too. Georgia also started out with a long, sleek blonde wig, hers being more platinum blonde. After Greece she donned the same shorter, curlier wig with side drape. This as a contrast to her Sydney look, which was darker brown and styling wise somewhere in between.

Talía del Val, Madrid (2023-2024): So why do I list Talía del Val and not Amelia Milo, who originated this look? Good question. Even if both of them have an undefined brown/blonde honey shade, Talía just appears a nudge blonder to my eyes, while Amelia's wig is more ashy blonde/brown. But only cosmetically so. They could both be listed - but here's Talía.

Judith Torbella, Madrid (2023-2024): Like the wig of Talía, this wig is a borderline case. It can look honey blonde, it can look more brown. But I include this one too as an example. Also interesting to see how much lighter it is than the understudies, for example Laura Enrech's reddish brown wig.

NOTE: This is not a complete list. There is a long row of lovely understudies I could not depict due to photoset limitations. But I hope it shows some of the main styles and productions out there.

[idkaguyorsomething]

Best companion does not necessarily mean they have to get along with the Doctor the most, challenging each other in interesting ways could also count.

Explain in the tags who you voted for, with which incarnation, and why!!

[ka-tet]

Roland Deschain is bisexual

Saddle up.

Let’s start with Susan Delgado. She is canonically Roland's first love and girlfriend. And you can argue that Roland is straight because he liked a woman…but then I present you: Cuthbert Allgood, Roland's best friend.

But hey! You say, Cuthbert is only a friend. There are no hints in canon of anything romantic between them, or an attraction from Roland's part.

And then I'd tell you: you're wrong.

So, let's talk about Roland's loves.

Is no coincidence Eddie and Susannah end up in Roland’s ka-tet, since we all know ka is a wheel. We even get a canon confirmation that Eddie is Cuthbert’s twinner. It’s also no coincidence that Susannah chose to have that name, so close to Roland’s first love, Susan.

What I’m trying to say is these characters are supposed to mean something to Roland, so they are the people he loved the most: Cuthbert and Susan. These two meant the world to him and both their deaths dramatically changed Roland, once as a child and then as a adult.

In The Drawing of the Three, this happens:

When Roland thinks about loving, he names three people:

1. Allie. The woman Roland slept with in the first book, that got killed by the Man in Black.

2. "The girl in the window" that we later find out is Susan, Roland's very first love.

3. …and then Cuthbert. Roland's best friend since childhood.

So he names two love interests and then Cuthbert.

You could argue this was an idea of love in general…but if it was, shouldn't Roland name someone else like Alain or his mother? I think his mother should be more important than Allie, a woman he spent some time with before she died.

So that leads me to believe the people he listed here are all his romantic loves he had in his life.

And if you have any doubt that Susan and Cuthbert are equally important in Roland's mind, might I point out an interesting fact: Susan and Cuthbert get at least mentioned once (sometimes more) in every book, even in Wind though the Keyhole and The Little Sisters of Elyria.

I believe his friendship with Cuthbert ran a little deeper. Roland and Cuthbert were friends, but it is obvious his death affected him as much as Susan's. Sometimes their interactions feel romantic in nature. This is difficult to prove, since The Dark Tower is about platonic and family love, and the characters can be very expressive, devoted and even affectionate. Nevertheless, I wouldn't ignore:

- Roland reaching out for Cuthbert's hand.

- Cuthbert kissing Roland after they confronted each other.

- The whole Cuthbert being jealous and disapproving of Roland and Susan's relationship.

- The comics.

Aside from that, there are also some interesting moments about Roland and sexuality:

- When Callahan reveals he was in love with a man, Roland is the least surprised and scandalized of the entire Ka-tet. And he belongs in a Western/Arthurian mash-up universe.

- Also you can't forget to mention that the man Callahan falls in love with is named Lupe Delgado. Delgado. Like Susan Delgado, Roland's first love. If this isn't a hint to bisexual Roland, I don't know what is.

- When Roland meets King, for a reason that I don't remember, Roland asks Stepehn King if he likes men (yes, in a gay way).

In conclusion, not only Roland is not faced by same-sex attraction, there are possible hints and subtext about him being attracted to both men and women.

[passing-through-tull]

my The Dark Tower fancast* that nobody asked for

*Disclaimer: I'm not going for actual castable people here. It's more about an approximation of what those characters are like in my head. We're talking baselines here. I chose pictures of the stage in those actors lives/careers that come close enough to my vision. I'm not only considering looks, but also their craft and if I think there is the right spark there somewhere in their work. (Also minor details like eye color and changeable things like haircuts don't matter much to me and my imagination.)

anyway:

of course we're starting with the man, the myth, old long tall and ugly:

Justin Theroux as Roland Deschain of Gilead, bitch. (give him some salt in that pepper hair, blue eyes, steal his moisturizer for a month and sandblast him: bam. Roland.)

Ka-Tet of 19

Naomi Harris as Susannah Dean (and you know, Detta/Odetta)

River Phoenix as John "Jake" Chambers. Love you, Bama.

...

And what about... Eddie Dean? So far I have not come across an actor (or anybody, really) who matched what Eddie looks like in my head. Big fucking shoes to fill, he's my favorite after all...

But I'm interested in other peoples ideas about that.

bonus

Mads Mikkelsen as Father Donald Callahan

Mejis Ka-Tet

Jake Gyllenhaal as Cuthbert Allgood

Sean Astin as Alain Johns

Anya Taylor Joy as Susan Delgado

bonus

Meg Foster as Rhea of the Cöos

[glueboy-19]

read the part of the gunslinger last night where bert and roland watch hax hang and :( WAAAAAAH they were only babies

[ka-19]

!!! the gunslingers!!!!

i will most likely srb in the morning because i really have to work on a speech for english right now!!!

[sharoscylla]

I’m not married to this design for Susan but I am definitely decided on everyone’s favorite horse girl surviving the narrative and being brought to NYC to live with April. Also I don’t think this 16 year old girl from Fantasy Apocalypse Texas/Fantasy Apocalypse Mexico got pregnant. I know Roland thinks she was and that she thought so but consider: she’s only had Horse Sex Ed and he’s a doofus.

Anyway when Roland gets here he’ll be over the fuckin moon!

Also I colored a picture of everyone’s favorite trouble-making fast-talking Spanish speaking trans boys. (Bert and Leo are going to commit every crime)

[lmmontgomerypolls]

* poll submitted by multiple 👤anonymous users and a few non-anonymous users that I did not ask for consent in tagging, so I’ve declined including them. DM me if you do want credit however.

After asking, I received over 20 submissions for this inquiry! Tumblr only permits one poll per post, so if you don’t see your crack ship here, it’s because I am saving the other submissions for Friday. (: Thank you for participating. 🗳️

Please remember these ships are crack ships! They are harmless and not meant to be taken seriously.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

You Have My Attention: Anne of Green Gables First Lines

The icon of Canadian girlhood needs no introduction, as Anne of Green Gables is a global phenomenon at this point. What those of you who read the first book at like age ten and then didn't bother exploring further might not know, however, is that LM Montgomery wrote a whole Anne series. So how did she catch a reader's attention? Let's find out!

"Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies’ eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde’s Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde’s door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof."

-- Anne of Green Gables

"A tall, slim girl, 'half-past sixteen,' with serious gray eyes and hair which her friends called auburn, had sat down on the broad red sandstone doorstep of a Prince Edward Island farmhouse one ripe afternoon in August, firmly resolved to construe so many lines of Virgil."

-- Anne of Avonlea

"'Harvest is ended and summer is gone,' quoted Anne Shirley, gazing across the shorn fields dreamily."

-- Anne of the Island

"(Letter from Anne Shirley, B.A., Principal of Summerside High School, to Gilbert Blythe, medical student at Redmond College, Kingsport.)

Windy Poplars,

Spook's Lane,

S'side, P. E. I.,

Monday, September 12th.

DEAREST:

Isn't that an address!"

-- Anne of the Windy Poplars 

"'Thanks be, I’m done with geometry, learning or teaching it,' said Anne Shirley, a trifle vindictively, as she thumped a somewhat battered volume of Euclid into a big chest of books, banged the lid in triumph, and sat down upon it, looking at Diana Wright across the Green Gables garret, with gray eyes that were like a morning sky."

-- Anne's House of Dreams

"'How white the moonlight is tonight!' said Anne Blythe to herself, as she went up the walk of the Wright garden to Diana Wright's front door, where little cherry-blossom petals were coming down on the salty, breeze-stirred air."

-- Anne of Ingleside

"It was a clear, apple-green evening in May, and Four Winds Harbour was mirroring back the clouds of the golden west between its softly dark shores. The sea moaned eerily on the sand-bar, sorrowful even in spring, but a sly, jovial wind came piping down the red harbour road along which Miss Cornelia’s comfortable, matronly figure was making its way towards the village of Glen St. Mary."

-- Rainbow Valley 

"It was a warm, golden-cloudy, lovable afternoon. In the big living-room at Ingleside Susan Baker sat down with a certain grim satisfaction hovering about her like an aura; it was four o'clock and Susan, who had been working incessantly since six that morning, felt that she had fairly earned an hour of repose and gossip."

-- Rilla of Ingleside

[glassprism]

Hi glass! I was wondering if the new Vienna Revival, does the part in All I ask of you where Christine’s does the high note during “Say you love me”? I know they did it back in 1991-1993 or somewhere around there.

thanks!

Christine singing "Say you love me" as a higher note (listen to it here) was something of a production-wide thing, so the dates would more accurately be from 1988-1993 (which is as long as the production ran). That said, it also seems to have been up to the Christine - while most of the original Vienna Christines did it (Luzia Nistler, Claudia Dallinger, Janet Chvatal, and Colleen Besett), Joke de Kruijf did not. It's also worth noting that Lisa Antoni, who performed as Christine in the Vienna concert some 25 years later, did not do it either.

As for the Vienna revival, I only have audios of two of the Christines, Lisanne Veeneman and Lillian Maandag, but neither of them sing the higher note, and I honestly did not expect them to. That note, as well as the other little orchestral and lyrical quirks, feel very much like something that was limited to the original Vienna production and the freedom they were given since I guess it was still so early on in the show's time, kind of like, I don't know, Susan Cuthbert getting a blonde wig as Christine in the original Toronto production because brown was not yet established as the color for ALW Christine's hair. Plus, the Vienna revival is the restaging and it also feels like it's own beast, with it's own creative team, in terms of orchestral and lyrical changes here and there.

Hope that helps!

[thehyperrequiem]

Hypestars vs Koopas (Monsters vs Aliens parody) cast

"A man transformed into a autobot after he is struck by a meteorite on his wedding day becomes part of a team of Hypestars sent in by the U.S. government to defeat a koopa mastermind trying to take over Earth."

Dark Choco Cookie (Cookie Run) as Susan Murphy

Wheeljack (Transformers Prime) as Ginormica

Newton (Littlebigplanet) as Dr. Cockroach (Voice Actor Reference)

Peppino Spaghetti (Pizza Tower) as The Missing Link

Henry Stickmin (Henry Stickmin) as B.O.B

Pitaya Dragon Cookie (Cookie Run) as Insectosaurus/Butterflyosaurus

The Alliance (Littlebigplanet) and The Psychic Seven (Psychonauts) as Themselves/The Monsters’ Friends

Bowser (Mario) as Gallaxar

Tea Knight Cookie (Cookie Run) as General W.R Monger

Eclair Cookie (Cookie Run) as President Hathaway

Licorice Cookie (Cookie Run) as Derek Dietl

Dark Cacao Cookie (Cookie Run) as Carl Murphy

Choco Pearl Cookie (@sundove88) as Wendy Murphy

Blackberry Cookie (Cookie Run) as Katie

Adventurer Cookie (Cookie Run) as Cuthbert

Shannon (Flipline) as News Reporter

Duke Gotcha (Flipline) as News Reader

Koopa Troopas (Mario) as Gallaxar’s Clones

Various Cookies and Flipline Citizens as The Citizens

[georgefairbrother]

Inspired by @robbielewis and his brilliant ongoing series featuring a pictorial history of the Northeast, this is the first in an occasional series of posts on film, theatre and television luminaries with a strong personal or professional link with Northeast England, beginning with John Nightingale.

There doesn't appear to be a great deal of information available; he was apparently born in Burnley, Lancashire, in 1942, and attended St Cuthbert’s College, Durham University. He also spent several years with the National Youth Theatre, and while with the NYT made his television debut, which was noted by the Durham University paper, Palatinate, in 1964.

John Nightingale's highest profile role was in the BBC’s When the Boat Comes In, a gritty social and political drama set during the years after the Great War in the struggling Tyneside community of Gallowshields. Appearing in 39 episodes over 1976 and 77, he played the troubled but likeable Tom Seaton. It was a standout performance in the company of some very fine actors, including James Bolam, Susan Jameson, Edward Wilson, Jean Heywood, James Garbutt, Malcolm Terris, Ian Cullen, Madelaine Newton and Michelle Newell.

John Nightingale’s other television credits include appearances in Crown Court, in three episodes of Alan Plater’s dramatisation of the AJ Cronin novel, The Stars Look Down, the epic drama-documentary Fall of Eagles, and the Thames political drama, Bill Brand, as well as a handful of appearances in BBC television plays.

He passed away in 1980, aged just 37, from cancer. His challenging role in When the Boat Comes In demonstrated that he was one of the most gifted actors of his generation, and makes you wonder just what he could have achieved given the chance of a long life and career.

Thanks (again) to @robbielewis for a little additional history of Durham University.

[redmustanggirl]

Cartoons vs. Aliens cast! (my version)

Lighty (me) as Ginormica/Susan Murphy

Test Tube(Inanimate Insanity) as Doctor Cockroach

RJ(Over the Hedge) as The Missing Link

Lightbulb(Inanimate Insanity) as B.O.B

Dragon (Shrek) as Insectosaurus

Rainbow Dash (MLP) as General Monger

Cozy Glow (MLP) as Galaxar

my IRL parents as Susan´s parents

Smolder,Silverstream,and Daizy (MLP and Wow Wow Wubbzy) as Susan´s friends

Yona and Sandbar (MLP) as Katie and Cuthbert

Pinkie Pie (MLP) as President Hathaway

Alex(Orginal male raccoon OTH OC) as Derek Dietl

Alex´s Mom as Mama Dietl

[m-o-o-n-thatspellsblog]

The Drawing of the Fool- Part 1/2

Summary: Years after renouncing the Dark Tower, the ka-tet of the 19, now living as a true family, comes across another door. Fearing a resurgence of Tower business, the group grows apprehensive. Roland Deschain, their Dinh--their father--grows excited. It seems renouncing the Tower in favor of love is not without reward, after all.

Word Count: 13,255

Relationships: Roland/Cuthbert, Eddie/Susannah, Jake/Benny

AO3 LINK

She found him sitting in the grass in front of a thin stream, staring straight ahead. Eddie lay asleep, not far behind, in the place in which they had set up camp.

"Trouble sleeping, Suze?" Roland asked with a weary smile on his face. Although he looked right at her, his eyes seemed to be in another world entirely. This far away look, along with some other concerning signs, was precisely why she followed him.

"Not me. I've been sleeping just fine ever since I picked up that new bedroll in Calla Amity". And what a fine bedroll it is, she thought. They’d done good work for the Callas and the folken had been grateful.  "Actually, I wanted to check on you, sugar,” she said, placing her hand lightly on Roland’s shoulder and settling in beside him. “It seems to me something's been troubling your mind."

It seemed Roland hadn't heard her approach until the moment just before she crawled up next to him. Susannah was glad. During the years since renouncing the Tower, Roland's walls have come down, one brick at a time. That is, when he's with his family. When called upon to be a gunslinger, those killer instincts returned with frightening speed. These last few years have been spent freestyle gunslinging, as Eddie calls it. There hadn't been anything major since their Tower days, but they still lent their talents to the occasional town when requested to do so. After all, that's what they had all been made for and it was hard to give up. But, between the five of them, three now that Jake and Oy are visiting Calla Bryn Sturgis, Roland has become much more relaxed and Susannah could think of no one who was more deserving of a little peace.

Roland nodded noncommittally, still looking straight past the landscape. "Mayhap you're right about that."

"Is it Jake? Are you worried he'll want to stay in the Calla?" Jake was due to arrive back any day now. He’d promised not to make them wait too long, although he’d now been gone for quite a while. He’d gone there with a purpose, to see a certain boy and tell him something he hadn’t gotten a chance to back when they had first stayed in (and saved, say thankya) the Calla, years ago. With him being gone this long, his confession must have been well received. There was no doubt that he would come back to them, but Susannah thought he’d be returning with news. This was something she and Eddie had discussed in depth. Both she and Eddie agreed that if the Slightman boy reciprocated Jake’s feelings, Jake would likely wish to return to the Calla, permanently this time.

"No, that doesn't worry me in the slightest. That is what I hope for him. He loves the Slightman boy, and I want him to settle down if that is what he desires. He has missed so much of his youth and for that, I am responsible." Roland looked down and sighed deeply. When he spoke again, it was with a wistful tone. "When I was young, I dreamed of eventually giving up the guns forever, trading them for a quiet, comfortable life with a loving partner. Before that could happen, the Tower invaded my mind and forever changed the course of my life. Jake has a chance at the life I gave up, and I wish it for him very much." 

"I bet all of this stuff with Jake has gotten you thinking of Susan, huh?" That explained the sad, distant Roland that had come with Jake's absence. Jake went to be with his love, so naturally Roland longed for his lost love.

A pause. And then softly, "No, not Susan. Perhaps it should be Susan that comes to mind, but it's not. When I think about who I'd do anything to have back, who I'd like to spend my life with, I think of someone else entirely."

"Oh?" Susannah responded. This admission had taken her by surprise. She cast her mind back trying to think of another woman of significance in Roland's life. Over these last few years, she and the others become quite familiar with his long history. "Aileen, then?"

"Not Aileen. Although my love for each of those women was true, it is another who has captivated my mind and has been causing me such frustration. And why should I be surprised when this person was a dab-hand with frustrating me?" A cheeky, almost sarcastic smile appeared on his face as he said this last. A smile that Susannah recognized as it seemed to appear whenever he talked about--

And then it dawned on her. Suddenly it made perfect sense as to why Jake's love of Benny had brought this on.

Susannah was careful not to let her realization show on her face. If she was right, she wanted Roland to discuss this at his own pace. Feelings had always been a tough subject for him to speak of and she had no desire to discourage him from doing so.

They spoke for a long time, into the early hours of the morning. Roland had opened up in a way that made Susannah proud of him. That didn’t make it easy to hear, however. It seemed every thing she learned about Roland made his backstory just a little more heartbreaking. So much was wasted on the way to the Tower. 

-----------------

“Susannah, do you see something?” Roland asked, pointing toward the horizon with one hand and placing the other on her shoulder. 

They had been drifting between the Callas, biding time. A few weeks had passed since his and Susannah’s conversation near the stream and Jake had recently returned to them. He came with the news that they all had simultaneously feared and hoped: He was going to be returning to the Calla to live with Benny, who was now officially his partner. But first, he had decided to spend time with his family, not ready to say goodbye just yet. He was content to travel and camp with them until they decided to move on, away from the Callas.

They were going nowhere in particular, simply enjoying their time together.

Susannah stepped up, looking toward the horizon in the direction Roland had pointed. “Hmm I might see something, but I’ll be damned if I can tell just what it is.” 

Five minutes later, Eddie spoke up. “Oh now I see something.” He’d been the last of them to notice it, Jake having spotted it just after Susannah. Susannah kept her eyes fixed upon the speck in the distance, waiting for it to take the shape her heart told her it would. 

Roland had already known what Susannah only suspected. It was a door. And in their road.

-----------------

By the time they decided to camp for the night, they had all seen the object on the horizon for what it was- a door. After they ate their dinner by the fire (gunslinger burritos à la Roland) they knew it was time to talk. Neither Eddie, Susannah, or Jake knew how to start. Acknowledging the door would inevitably lead to discussion of whether or not they should approach it. This was something they were apprehensive about. All of the previous doors they had come across were part of what Eddie had dubbed their ‘Tower phase’. Certainly all of that was behind them, wasn’t it?

“I’m sure you all recognize the object which lies ahead of us.” Roland spoke. It was not a question, but they all nodded in confirmation.

“I recognize it, but I don’t understand it,” Jake said. “It’s a door.”

“Door! Ake!” Oy chimed in. Jake reached over and scratched behind his little friend’s ears. Oy didn’t speak much these days; He was getting up in his years for a billy-bumbler. 

“Roland, why, after all these years, is there a door? Is it for us, do you think? Or maybe it’s just always been there. Not related to us at all,” Eddie seized this idea with hope. “Do you think that's possible?” 

“I cannot say,” Roland responded.

“Oh, it has something to do with us for sure. I don’t know how I know that, but I do. Don’t you guys?” Jake asked. They all nodded. He was right of course, they all felt it.

“We must now decide, as ka-tet, whether to approach the door or turn away from it. By my estimate, if we continue on as we have, we will reach it overmorrow” Roland stated, knowing that no matter what the others decided, he was going to get to that door. He’d been having vivid dreams over the last few nights. Dreams in which he’d been living as someone else. It seemed to him that he’d been sharing khef with someone across worlds, someone he thought he might recognize. These dreams, paired with the appearance of a door, implied something he couldn’t possibly ignore.

“What if we open it and get sucked back into the quest for the Tower? Do we really want to run that risk?” Eddie asked.

“We have free will, Eddie. We cannot be pulled into Tower business unwillingly. Any door that opens can also be shut. If it’s Tower business, we will leave it.” Eddie nodded but was privately doubtful. He wasn't sure he was confident in Roland’s ability to resist the Tower if something truly tempting presented itself. He had been the original Tower junkie, after all. 

There was some discussion after that, but not much. Tower business or not, they were all too curious about the door to ignore it.

-----------------

As the door drew nearer, Roland’s pace increased. As reluctant as the rest of them were, Roland appeared to be anxious to reach it. They had to fight to keep up with him, until suddenly, when the door was only about 100 feet away, Roland came to an abrupt stop.

“What’s wrong, Da’?” Jake asked, disconcerted by Roland’s strange behavior. Addressing him with any form of the word ‘father’ usually brought a faint smile to his face, but he appeared not to notice this time.

“Nothing. I’ve just come over a little dizzy. I’m getting too old to be moving so fast for so long. You three keep going.” Truthfully, he needed an extra moment to prepare himself for what they were about to find. If his suspicions were correct, everything was going to change. If he was wrong, it would be a disappointment for which he would need to be prepared. Even though he had tried not to let his hopes rise, keeping them locked away in the deep depths of his mind, he nevertheless knew that the disappointment would hit him hard. The others walked on and reached the door while Roland watched nervously.

"Uh-oh Roland” Eddie called with amusement. “Looks like this one's for me. It says ‘The Fool’."

Roland looked up sharply and fixed his eyes on Eddie's. Eddie didn't care much for the frenzied look in Roland's eyes, it reminded him too much of their Tower phase. "Read it again for your father's sake!" Roland shouted.

"It says ‘The Fool’, although I don't see--" Before he could finish, Roland darted for the door, moving with an eerie quickness that also didn't sit well with Eddie. He started to say so, but before he could, he was hit with a sudden intuition. The Western Sea was on the other side of that door. If Roland went through it, he'd be back at the beginning of his quest for the Tower. 

"No, Roland, Stop! Jake, Susannah don't let him get through!" Eddie screamed, but it was a wasted effort. Roland had been determined to get through that door, and when Roland of Gilead set his mind on something, nothing could stop him. Eddie grabbed him tightly and was rewarded with an elbow to the face. He felt Roland slip through his fingers. Roland yanked the door open and launched himself through. Eddie had time enough to catch a brief glimpse of what lay on the other side, confirming his intuition, and then the door slammed shut. Not good.

"No!" Eddie yelled, pulling desperately on the doorknob. It wouldn't open, the door had locked behind Roland. Another bad sign in Eddie's view. He started banging as hard as he could, actually attempting to break it down. "Guys, come on," he shouted at the others, "We need to go after him! We have to find a way! This door opens to the Western Sea! He's doomed to repeat it all!"

Jake moved to help Eddie, but Susannah stayed him with a firm hand on his shoulder. "Eddie stop."

Eddie appeared not to hear and went on ramming his shoulder into the door, all the while shouting Roland's name. Blood was running down his face, from where his nose had caught Roland's elbow. Susannah moved closer, and waved Jake over to help her.

“The door is locked!” Eddie yelled. “Roland always said not to let these damn magic doors close, because once closed they might not open again. And now it's locked and he’s gone! We can’t leave him there. There has to be something we can do. If we could just FIGURE! IT! OUT!,” the last three words were each punctuated with a hard slam of his fists on the door.

“Eddie please--” 

Eddie suddenly whipped his head around and looked into Susannah’s eyes. “You don’t get it! You don’t understand!” He was getting ready to yell some more, but Susannah cut him off.

“No,” She yelled, “I don’t understand! But neither do you, Eddie. Never think it! This business--ka’s business--has been and always will be over our heads!”

“Why are you being so calm about this? Why aren’t you helping me? Do you know something, Susannah, is that it?” She didn’t like the fierce accusation in his eyes, but it was deserved wasn’t it? After all, she did have an idea as to what, or rather who, the door led to, vague as it was. After the discussion she’d had with Roland near the stream a few weeks back, the appearance of another magic door was too coincidental to be, well, to be a coincidence. It had been years since they last came across a door, and they all thought they had seen their last. But even so, she could be wrong. She thought it best to withhold her hunch. 

Eddie continued: “If you know anything about what is going on you need to tell me! And Jake! Now!” He distractedly swiped some of the blood off of his face and then turned toward the door once again, raising his fists.

“The only thing I know is that your outburst isn’t helping anything!” Susannah leaned over and finally grasped Eddie’s hands as he was getting ready to bang on the door again. This was a rather difficult maneuver with the bulk of her wheelchair between them, a rather archaic creation that they had picked up from one town or another. Luckily, Eddie had been distracted enough for it to work. With a little help from Jake, she managed to pull Eddie into her lap. She wrapped her arms around him and held him securely. 

He half-heartedly wriggled around, trying to break free, but gave up quickly. He didn’t wish to hurt Susannah, and his anger was starting to fizzle out anyway. Now, he just wanted to understand the situation. “Suze,” He said apprehensively, “do you know something?”

“I know two things. The first is that the door is locked. All the banging and shouting in the world isn’t going to help anyone. The second is that the door is still here.”

“I don't understand what you're getting at,” Eddie said quietly, but Susannah knew that he did understand, he was just being stubborn. Perhaps he sensed that she was not telling all she knew. Regardless, Susannah’s embrace had calmed him, and she felt that the worst of his panic had passed. She loosened her grip on him and started rubbing his arms, from shoulder to elbow.

Eddie wiped his hand across his face again and finally seemed to notice the blood there. Jake handed Eddie a piece of cloth that Roland had saved from some old garment. Perpetually thrifty was he. Eddie pressed it to his nose.

“The door’s still here," Susannah said, "Meaning its magic has not been used up. And genuine, magic doors- not the cheap copies produced by North Central Positronics- open both ways. This one’s the real deal. Roland may still be able to come back through.”

“Is that our best bet, then? That he might be able to come back through?” Eddie responded, his voice muffled. When no one answered, he signed resignedly, “I guess it is, huh? What do you think, Jake, old pal? Anything to add to this discussion? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Jake thought for a moment and then spoke: “On the way to the door, I tried to reach Roland, you know, with the touch. I wanted to know what he thought about the door.” Jake was embarrassed admitting that he intentionally read Roland’s mind. He didn’t normally like to use the touch that way. It felt wrong. “All I got from him was a sense of hope. I couldn’t see what he was hoping for because he was blocking it, maybe even from himself. Whatever is behind that door, all I know is that Roland thought it would be something good. And I trust him.”

They were all quiet for a moment, contemplating this information. Then, Eddie spoke up again: “That’s it, isn’t it? You know what he was hoping for.” Susannah was relieved not to hear any more anger in Eddie's voice, only dispirited acceptance. 

“I might have an idea,” Susannah replied, “But, I’d just as soon not say. For one thing, I could be wrong. And for another, if I am right, this is something that is very personal to Roland and he should get to choose when to share it. And he will, when he comes back.”

“How can you be sure he will?” Eddie said. “Come back, that is.”

“I guess I’m not.”

“So, what’s our plan? What do we do?”

“The only thing we can do. Wait.” Jake said solemnly. The possibility of Roland, his true father, being lost forever was unacceptable to him. He would come back. Of course he would. He wouldn’t leave them, Roland wouldn’t leave him.

Eddie looked at Susannah, who nodded in return. “Alright, yeah, I guess we wait,” Eddie said. “But for how long?”

“As long as we can. But you better get up off of me if we’re going to be waitin’ around a while. You’re starting to crush me, love.”

-----------------

Roland slowly came to a state of confused consciousness. He was at the Way Station and the boy was pouring water over his face. Waking him. He felt the water run down the sides of his cheeks and felt a deep, aching sense of regret. He'd have to go through it all over again. The Way Station, Walter O’Dim, the lobstrosities, even Blaine the Mono. Gods help him, he was back at the beginning of a book he believed he’d finished and cast away forever.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw he was wrong. This was not the Way Station after all. No, this was the Western Sea. And the person attempting (desperately, as it appears) to wake him with water, was much bigger than Jake had been.

The confusion started to dissipate as his memory of springing through the door came back to him. Before he had time to fully process this, a face swam into view and blotted out all coherent thought.

"Roland?" Cautious. Confused. Hopeful.

"Cuthbert!" Even with the battered eye patch and the road map of years upon his face, it would've been impossible for Roland to mistake him. This was who he’d hoped to see, why he moved so quickly when Eddie read aloud the words writ upon the door. And could he have been privately hoping, in the underlayers of his mind, to come across a door that would lead him to Cuthbert even before that? Aye, it may be so.

They leapt towards each other and embraced tightly. Each man grasping desperately at the other as though he might disappear at any second. Before long, there were tears running down both of their faces. They sat like that, almost fused together, for several moments. They didn't speak during this time; they only held each other. Once it seemed he decided that Roland wasn't going to dematerialize any time soon, Cuthbert spoke.

"Gods, how cheered I am at the sight of you! Yet more than a little baffled. In truth, I fear I may have gone delirious. How could this be? You-- Roland, you died."

"I know not of this, but I believe I can explain much. We shall palaver and I would hear of your journey. Perhaps we can trade stories."

"You wouldn't believe it. I've come very far. I'm close to reaching it. Much closer than I ever would have expected, even in my most far-fetched dreams. I saw it. I saw the Tower! In a vision. I didn't understand it all, but with you here..." He paused in thought. "Yes, with you here, We can reach it. I know we can." Roland recognized the frantic compulsion in his old friend's voice, he knew it all too well. 

"We could, but we mustn't."

"What? But Roland, something is wrong there. And getting worse. You know it better than I do. We must persist. Not for our own sake-- our world has moved on-- but for worlds that have not yet been lost." His uncovered eye took on a conspiring look and he dropped his voice to a whisper, despite the endless emptiness of the beach. "I've come to suspect that all of existence may balance in its axles."

"Yes, we've much to discuss. Delah. But first, how long have you been here? For, there are creatures on this beach--"

"Oh I've been here long enough to grow quite friendly with those fuckers. Friendly enough that I let one borrow 2 of my fingers," he said sardonically, raising his right hand. "Although, I'm starting to think it won't return them."

Roland looked at Cuthbert's raised hand and something clicked in his mind. It could be that it won't be necessary for Cuthbert to share all of his story. "Bert, did you come here from yon cavern?" Roland asked, pointing toward a foggy mountain on the horizon.

Cuthbert looked a little surprised but nodded his head. 

"Were you traveling alone when you reached the cavern?"

Cuthbert cast his gaze downward and was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. "No, not alone," he said with a shaky voice, and would say no more. This, said with a tone of deep sorrow and shame, was all Roland needed to confirm his suspicions. Enough to take a chance with his next words, anyway.

"The boy, Jake- He said something to you just before you let him fall. Something important."

"The boy... How could you-- Roland, how could you possibly know about that?" Even after all these years apart, the look of such utter despair still looked out of place on his friend's face.

"Because what he said was true. There are other worlds than these. I've just come from one, through that door. I've seen a few and if I were to leave you, I suspect you would see just as much. But it would come to you at a great cost."

-----------------

Roland started walking and gestured for Cuthbert to follow. They walked in the opposite direction of the shore, away from where the lobstrosities would cluck their perpetual questions once darkness fell. After a moment, Roland spoke. 

"I know your story because I have lived it. I am from a world in which you died at Jericho Hill and I went on in search of the Tower. We must compare stories, although I suspect we'll find our experiences to be much the same.”

-----------------

They start with the Battle of Jericho Hill, each recounting their version of events. They find the circumstances leading up to each of their deaths to be the same- Alain Johns dying by their own guns the night before, Jamie De Curry being shot down by a sniper, the overwhelming ambush. Roland tells of Cuthbert’s death. He speaks of calling for the gunslingers and Cuthbert responding that they two were the last. Despite knowing this, neither chose to cry off. Bravely, they went head-on into the battle, fighting as though they had a chance. Cuthbert had been shot through the eye with an arrow, but fought on with his wounds for as long as he could. Roland made sure to include that when Cuthbert finally went down, he went laughing until the very end. 

Roland had made it out by pretending to be dead, knowing that, above all else, he must find the Dark Tower.

Although Cuthbert remembers being shot through the eye- and presently bears the loss of said eye- he survived in his version. After being shot, he heard Roland start to yell, undoubtedly about to call for the gunslingers, but his call was cut short. Roland had been shot. Cuthbert watched in horror as Roland, appearing to be missing the top half of his head, turned in the direction the shot came from, and struggled to stay upright and moving. He went on for two more steps before being shot thrice more, knocking him to the ground and splattering the grass with blood and a gray substance that had to be the that which makes up the brain. Still, he lifted his gun, earning another shot, this time marking the permanent end of Cuthbert’s best friend’s life. 

Cuthbert made sure to include that when Roland went down, he went fighting until the very end, had in fact died with his finger pulling the trigger, firing off a final fatal shot at the enemy.

With Roland’s death, Cuthbert had been suddenly struck with the inarguable knowledge that he must make it out of this battle alive, for the fate of the world may depend on it. With Roland gone, he must take over the quest for the Dark Tower. He escapes by pretending to be dead, as Roland had done.

-----------------

"Many things occurred after that. However, the real journey started in the desert. With the pursuit of the man in black." Cuthbert nodded and Roland went on. "Did you visit a town called Tull?"

"Ah yes. Visit, slaughter, what's the difference? I'm familiar."

“The man in black left a trap there,” Roland said.

“He certainly did. Brought the weed-eater back to life and set a trap. A man of many talents, though I must say, I am not fond of his work.”

“He impregnated the religious leader,” Roland stated bluntly. “I assume we both took action.”

Took action, Cuthbert thought, that’s one way to put it. Abortion is another. “Yes. I had to. I’m not proud of it,” Cuthbert said defensively. How often had his morals been corrupted in search of Tower? Enough to damn his soul, he surmised.

Roland, as always, had no use for shame over actions which cannot be reversed. Especially when the action in question truly was necessary. A forward thinker was he. “I understand. For she was the trap. She turned the town against you, did she not?”

“Yes, you say true.” Still, the shame did not leave him. 

There was a moment of silence as they each reflected on their experience. Then, a question occurred to Roland. "There, did you also meet a woman named Allie?" Roland asked with genuine curiosity, wondering just how similar their stories may be. Certainly not every detail could be the same, right? They were, ultimately, two very different people.

"Allie…” Cuthbert repeated, trying to place her. It didn’t take long, for he had always been good with names. “She with the scar. She was the proprietor of the saloon, was she not?"

"Yes," And then hesitantly, almost embarrassed, "You didn't, uh, you didn't... spend a night or two with her, did you?"

"Oh, uh, no, not me. I presume you did?" And why should he feel resentful that Roland had evidently slept with this woman? Roland had been solitary for years; it was natural for him to seek partnership, however brief it may be. Gods knew Cuthbert had done the same from time to time. And, of course, he had no right to feel anything about Roland’s romantic pursuits.

Roland nodded. "In any case, I'm certain this part of our intertwined history ends the same. The entire town...?"

"Dead. All dead," Cuthbert agreed.

-----------------

"After Tull, did you make acquaintance with a dweller who had a bird?"

"Brown, you mean. And his raven, Zoltan. 'Beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot'," Cuthbert sing-songed in a raspy voice that was actually a decent impression of the bird in question. "Yes, I met them. Charming bird." 

Cuthbert didn't need to ask Roland if he'd had the same experience with Brown as he had. He knew the answer. They had both met Brown and told him of Tull. After that, Cuthbert knew, his story temporarily branched off from Roland's. It seems Roland had Allie and Cuthbert had Brown. Although Roland had been curious enough to ask about Allie, Cuthbert knew better. For all he knew, the shock of Cuthbert having... relations with another man could send Roland straight into a coma. He had always carefully hidden this part of himself and saw no reason to stop now. This aspect of his identity was between him and the occasional man with whom he'd pass the night. Only one other person had ever known and it was not Roland. 

What mattered was that the major details were the same. They stopped, they talked, they ate. Each had passingly wondered if Brown would kill them. And then, as was their way, they moved on.

-----------------

At some point during their exchange of stories, Roland suddenly interrupted Cuthbert as something critical occurred to him.

“Wait!” Roland said, digging through the purse that he had on him when he went through the door. The rest of his gunna was on the other side so he could only hope that he had what he was looking for. It probably wouldn’t make much of a difference if he had to wait but Roland would rather not risk it. The medicines of his family’s world were still a mystery to him. His hand hit the object he sought after, and he pulled it out feeling immensely relieved. Plenty left. “Let me see your hand.”

Cuthbert held out his hand and Roland turned it over, getting a good look at the veins in Cuthbert’s wrist. Infected, just as he had been. “Here,” Roland said, holding out the package he had taken from his purse. 

Cuthbert took it, flipped it over, and then looked back at Roland uncomprehendingly. “Ah, many thanks, Roland. Now, do you care to tell me exactly what this is?”

“Cheflet. It’s medicine. Good medicine. You’re infected from the lobstrosity’s bite, as I’m sure you’re already aware,” Roland said, knowing that the infection was going to get a lot worse without treatment. He hoped to save Cuthbert from the near-madness that he experienced. “It comes from New York,” Roland added with a hint of pride. Cuthbert had no idea what New York was, but Roland sure seemed to believe strongly in their alchemy.

“Alright,” Cuthbert said, “but if this kills me I’d like the recording angels to note that you gave me the medicine and are thereby responsible for my death.”

“I would not risk your life,” Roland said seriously. “I’ve just gotten you back. I lament the years we’ve spent asunder. I’d not lose you again so soon. Never, if I can help it.”

Cuthbert was dumbstruck. Had Roland ever said anything like that to him before? Perhaps he had, but Cuthbert could not recall. They had a lot on their plates when they last knew each other. The circumstances at the time did not allow for many heartfelt moments. And Roland had never exactly been open-hearted. He felt his heart rise with Roland’s words and internally rolled his eyes at himself. Now was not the time for a recurrence of such foolish, juvenile feelings. He took the peculiar medicine as Roland had directed.

-----------------

Cuthbert continued to describe his journey. When he got around to his palaver with the man in black, Roland listened closely. It seemed their experiences with the man had been quite different.  

-----------------

The first card was turned.

“The Fool,” the man in black tittered. “It signifies adventure, optimism, and beginnings. You, gunslinger, are The Fool, a rather fitting title for you I must say, and you will soon be given the chance to start anew. You must decide for yourself whether you are worthy. You have already dropped one co-traveler into the pit, have you not?”

He turned the second card. “The Hanged Man. In conjunction with The Fool, this signifies a fork in the road, a divergence of paths. You’ll be faced with the decision to continue on as you have been, or go down a different path. The Hanged Man shows a change of perspective after facing hardship and acquiring new knowledge. He has been set free. Your paths may converge.” 

These two cards were followed by The Sailor, The Prisoner, The Lady of the Shadows, The Tower, and finally, Life. When Cuthbert asked for the meanings of these cards, the man in black gave no answer. 

After sending Cuthbert a vision of the universe, there was time for a short palaver. The man in black told him that he must go to the sea, which lay no more than twenty miles to the west, and there he would be granted renewal.

-----------------

When Cuthbert finished recounting this part of his tale, Roland took a moment to mull over the differences. 

Their stories thus far have been much the same. They followed the same exact sequence of events. Of course, because they were two different people, some small differences were to be expected. However, from the end of Jericho until now, there were no major differences. And the palaver with Walter O’ Dim was a key part of their story. If Cuthbert was to go on as Roland had, why would their talk be so different? There was no talk of renewal with Roland. And had Walter not mentioned the power of drawing to Cuthbert at all?

As intriguing as it was, Roland dropped this train of thought for now. He wanted to finish this talk and get back to the other side of the door (with Cuthbert in tow) as quickly as possible. 

Cuthbert carried on, taking it all the way through to coming across a door marked ‘The Hanged Man’. Roland’s side was of course marked ‘The Fool’ and Cuthbert was amused to learn that Roland had immediately known who that had meant.

He inquired about what came next in Roland's story, for it was clear it went beyond his current situation on this seemingly endless beach.

"In order to hear of what comes next, Bert, you must come through the door with me. For I cannot tell this on my own."

"But the Tower... Roland I can't just leave now, not without knowing why." He had been through too much, had given up too much of himself, to turn away now. How could Roland not understand this when he had been through it himself?

"Trust in me, Bert. I have been where you are; I have felt what you feel. We will go through this door and you will hear every word of my journey. Should you decide to go on in search of the Tower thereafter, I would not stop you. You'll find that this door will bring you much closer to reaching your goal." 

"Will I be able to come back through?"

"That I cannot say. Not for certain." 

Cannot say is not quite the same as do not know, Cuthbert thought. "My progress will not be lost?"

"Beyond this door lie the Borderlands which mark the beginning of End-World, the land in which the Dark Tower resides. By going through this door, you would skip over a great distance, bringing you to the final stretch of what would be your Tower journey. Should you choose to continue, of course." Roland was being as truthful as he felt could be. He knew that after hearing their full story, Cuthbert would come to understand, but first, Roland had to get him through the damn door.

A moment passed, and then hesitantly Cuthbert responded, "Okay." 

"Okay?" Roland asked, wanting Cuthbert to be sure, but needing him to come through either way.

"Okay", he repeated, firmly this time. "Let's go before I realize how absolutely mad this is and change my mind."

"Ah, but are you not accustomed to madness?" Roland said, with a slight glint in his eye.

Cuthbert smirked, "I suppose I am, at that." He turned to look Roland fully in the face, steeling himself. "Go ahead then, brief me. What must I know before passing through?" He asked, flapping his hand vaguely toward the door.

"Three people and one billy bumbler wait for my return on the other side, for they would not have given up on me yet." Roland said this with a smile, knowing it would take a lot longer than a few hours for them to give up on him. "They are my family."

Family? Cuthbert thought. His brow furrowed but he said nothing in response.

Roland nodded as if Cuthbert had voiced his confusion out loud. "Aye, so they are. You will meet them."

They moved toward the door and Roland grasped Cuthbert's wrist, earning another questioning glance from his friend. "These doors can be unpredictable. It's best to maintain contact to ensure we arrive at the same destination."

Cuthbert, never one to let a prime opportunity get past him, turned his wrist so that he could properly grab Roland’s hand. “If there’s a chance one of us could get lost,” he said, I’d not risk it”. Each relishing the other's contact more than they would care to admit, they stepped through.

From the other side, the ka-tet--the family--watched as Roland stumbled back through, clinging to a weather-beaten man with an ancient eyepatch. This man appeared to be laughing wildly, and despite never having seen this man, each thought he seemed familiar.  

-----------------

After a brief, but powerful, dizzy spell, Cuthbert could indeed make out a small group of people. His laugh tapered off. They seemed to be standing ready, guns drawn and prepared to fight if necessary. Roland saw this and raised his hands, a gesture of safety, and they put their weapons away. Cuthbert scanned the group, his glance momentarily coming to rest on the billy-bumbler, but just behind the animal-- 

"Jake!" Cuthbert exclaimed, staggering over to the boy, still a little dizzy. He ran over to Jake, who was more than a little confused but did not appear to be alarmed. Good for Cuthbert, because if Jake thought he detected any danger from the man ambling toward him, his trip to another world may have ended right there. Cuthbert briefly hugged the boy, and then pulled away to get a good look at him. "Look at you! Gods, you're nearly a man! Last I saw you, you were about 9 years old. Not to mention falling to your death." 

Jake winced and shot a confused look towards Roland. Roland did not acknowledge the look and instead responded to the man with whom he had returned. Jake thought he had a pretty good idea as to whom this may be, despite not understanding the situation unfolding before him.

"He wasn't 9, although I thought the same back then. He was actually 11 at the time, and currently 17." There was a faint, but unmistakable tone of pride in his voice.

"Wow," Cuthbert said, still openly staring at the boy in disbelief. "Jake, you don't know me, but I am so glad to see you."

-----------------

"Come, sit," Roland said, gesturing for his family to gather around him and the familiar newcomer. Roland's face, normally an emotionless mask, sparked with frantic excitement. And for good reason. If this was the person they all suspected it may be, Roland's exhilaration was well justified. "We must speak an-tet, as we've done before, for the wheel of ka always comes back around, as you all know." None missed how the man next to Roland gave an eye roll at this.

They gathered close and sat in a circle, so all may speak face to face. 

"Alright, alright. Come on now, the suspense is killing me. Who's this guy? How does he know Jake? And what the Hell happened on the other side of that door?" Eddie said, with exaggerated impatience. This brought a smile to Roland's face, because for once, the man Eddie's dramatics always brought to his mind was sitting right next to him. Somehow alive and back in his life.

Cuthbert looked to Roland for direction, who gave him an open wave, palm to the sky, telling Cuthbert to go ahead. Only, go ahead with what? He mentally ran through the young man's questions again and realized he would of course need to start by introducing himself. He took a second to collect his thoughts and then addressed the group of strangers.

"Hile gunslingers. I come to you as Cuthbert Allgood of Gilead. Son of Robert. Ancient friend of Roland Deschain from days agone. As for your other questions, I will address them in time, but may I know all of you first?"

-----------------

They went around their circle, making their introductions, beginning with Jake with whom Cuthbert was already familiar. “Jake Deschain of New York, son of Roland,” he said. Cuthbert looked momentarily surprised at this, though he stayed silent. “Former son of Elmer Chambers. Unfortunately.” He lightly tapped the billy-bumbler who was now sitting right against his leg. “Introduce yourself, Oy.”

“Oy! Eld!” the bumbler said.

Cuthbert watched astonished as the animal stood up and gave a bow. He turned to face Roland with a look of disbelief. “A billy-bumbler that still speaks?”

“Not just speaks, but communicates,” Roland responded with obvious pride. “Continue your introductions,” he said, turning back to the group. Eddie was surprised he hadn’t yet broken out the old twirling gesture.

“Susannah Dean of New York. Wife of Eddie Dean. Daughter of Dan, and now, Roland. I love my birth father with all of my heart, but he has gone to the clearing, as they say. I am proud to embrace Roland as my adoptive father.” Roland could not help the smile which lit his face as she said this. It never failed to touch his heart when they regarded him in such a way.

“I’m Eddie Dean of New York. Doting husband of this beauteous lady right here,” he said with a big smile, wrapping his arm around Susannah. “And, well, I guess Roland is the only father I've really ever known. I wouldn’t know my birth father if I passed him on the street. Although, I guess that isn’t very likely. I mean, can you imagine--”

“Ki-yet!” Oy barked cheerily. They couldn’t help laughing at this. It seemed the arrival of a new person had enlivened him.

Once the laughs started to die down, Eddie said: “Damn. Well, I guess it’s a pretty obvious sign that you’re running your mouth when even the goddamn dog tells you to shut up.”

“Aye, it would seem so,” Cuthbert spoke with a bemused smile and the hint of a laugh still in his voice. “In any case, we are all well-met. Very well-met”

-----------------

“I suspect I will not have to tell you much of my history, for I believe you are all familiar with most of it,” Cuthbert said, raising an eyebrow at Roland who nodded in response. “I’ll share what I must, and you all may ask questions as you see fit.

In my world, Roland died at Jericho Hill and I went on in search of the Tower. I’d not go into details for what came between, for it’s not important and you would likely know a goodish portion of it. I’ll start with the true beginning of my quest for the Tower. Following the man in black across the desert.”

He then recounted for them his tale of tracking and catching up to the man in black. It didn’t take long for each to understand that he essentially lived the same life as Roland. Down to letting Jake drop. No matter how many times the tale of this betrayal had been told, it never got any easier for Jake to hear. His heart went out to this other version of himself that had been betrayed by Cuthbert, and who, evidently, would not be getting any redemption considering they poached Cuthbert.

Each recognized The Way Station, the Speaking Demon, the betrayal, The man in black, the vision, and even the lobstrosities (although Cuthbert had inexplicably referred to them as ‘patrolmen’). They actually knew a little more about some of these events than Cuthbert did, as they had been given some context over the years. For instance, the fact that The man in black had doubled back and was behind him and Jake for a portion of their travels. Assuming that Cuthbert’s journey would have taken the same course as Roland’s, which, on further rumination, it may not have.  After all, the door Cuthbert had found on the beach did not say ‘The Prisoner’, but ‘The Hanged Man’. As Roland had been wont to say ever since Eddie taught him the expression: “to assume makes an ass out of you and me”.

-----------------

“After losing two of my fingers and part of my big toe--my favorite toe, mind you--to the fucking lobster-osities, as Roland calls them, I started to get feverish. I still kind of am, although Roland here gave me some kind of medicine. He was pretty cryptic about it, but it seems to be fast-working so I can only hope it won’t kill me.”

“Nah, he gave you the good stuff. T’wont kill you,” Eddie said. He spoke with faint admiration. This has been a truly surreal experience for him, meeting the man he had been continuously compared to. A man whom he had come to idolize. Kind of, he supposed, like meeting your favorite celebrity and finding out that they really are just like you. Don’t meet your heroes, they say, but Eddie was enraptured to meet his. “I saved Roland’s life with that stuff once upon a bye.”

“Do you say so?” He hadn’t thought the infection would get that bad, but if it had for Roland, it probably would have for him as well. “Well, anyway, I’ve been quickly losing strength since the infection started, and while stumbling across the beach, I came upon a door. It was marked ‘The Hanged Man’. I’ve heard of such magic doors in our teachings as children, but I had never believed in them.

I was still circling the door, trying to decide if it was real or a hallucination brought on by the infection, when this one,” he said, jerking his thumb at Roland, “came bursting through like a bullet out of a gun.”

-----------------

“Did you know what to expect on the other side?” Eddie asked, directing his question at Roland. “You did, didn’t you? I mean, why else would you hightail it like that?”

“Not at all. I had dreams, vivid ones, but I thought I was simply reliving my time on the Western Sea. Only, in these dreams I was not myself. I thought I might recognize this other person that I was living as, but I could not understand what my own memories had to do with it. But of course, now I understand why I was living in the past. It was not the past at all, not for the person with whom I had been sharing khef.” He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. “As I said, I thought I recognized him, but I didn’t quite allow myself to believe that it meant anything. They were only dreams. When we saw the door, I still told myself it was merely a coincidence. When Eddie read the words on the door, however… I knew it had to be him. In my heart, I knew it. For hadn’t I always called him my very own ka-mai?

All the same, I cry your pardon for dashing off so suddenly. Especially you, Eddie, for I see the dried blood around your nose and it shames me. It was not my intention to hurt you.”

“No sweat man, I didn’t even notice. I was mostly just worried about you,” Eddie said, smiling sheepishly. “I kinda had an idea you weren’t coming back.”

“Yeah, we were real worried about you. Eddie told us that the door opened to the Western Sea,” Jake added.

“Say true, Eddie? You knew where the door led?” Roland asked, astonished. 

“Not until you started running for it. Once you took off, it hit me. I have no idea where the intuition came from, but it sure was strong. I thought it meant that you would be back at the beginning of your quest,” Eddie said, sounding embarrassed. He went on jokingly, as was always his way when he felt uncomfortable. “You should’ve seen the way I was banging on the door, trying to get to you. If I had an ax, I would have tried to cut through it like the crazy guy in ‘The Shining’.” Eddie jumped up on knees and smiled crazily. “Heeeeeere’s Eddie!” he shouted at Jake, not seeming to mind the fact that out of everyone here, only he himself could understand this reference. 

Jake laughed and pushed his brother’s face away from him. “Shut up, asshole.”

Susannah rolled her eyes fondly. She reached for her beloved’s hand and pulled him back down to the ground. Once he was seated again, she placed her hand on Eddie’s thigh. He immediately covered it with his own, taking comfort in the contact. It seemed he was more than a little embarrassed about his outburst over the door, and was covering it with humor. And he shouldn’t be, Susannah thought, for he reacted out of love for their father. 

Roland, having long been accustomed to Eddie's nervous bursts of foolishness, went on. “I must have hit my head on the door in my rush to get through, for when I arrived on the other side, I was unconscious. Cuthbert woke me with water and then we spoke. We quickly realized our shared history, and then he agreed to come back through the door with me.” Neither spoke of their long, sentimental embrace, for that was between the two of them. Too meaningful to be casually shared in such a setting. 

“Yes, I agreed, on the condition that you all explain to me why you have renounced the Tower. I cannot give it up without an explanation. If I find that explanation to be insufficient, Roland has promised me that I can pick up my quest from here.”

They all looked at each other in silent conference. And then, Susannah spoke: “I don’t believe we’ll need to worry about that. I’m sure it’s hard for you to imagine, but all I can say to sum it up for you is that there would be no satisfaction in reaching the Tower. There is, however, satisfaction in finding a family.”

“We will now tell our story,” Roland said, looking at his children. “I will start, telling my brief story of coming across the door, and then Eddie, you may pick it up. From there, we will take turns telling the story, much as we have done before. I warn you Bert, this is a long story. It's not unlikely that we will need to break for the night and pick it back up in the morning.” This was possible, however, Roland thought it wouldn’t be necessary. Although their tale was long, stories had a way of expanding the bounds of time. 

-----------------

“Feverish and weak, I came upon a door on the beach, just as you had. This door, however, said ‘The Prisoner’ and although I had never seen a door such as this before, I knew I had to open it. I didn’t know if there would be anything that could help me on the other side, but I knew that there was certainly nothing to help me where I was. After examining the door for a while, I opened it. What I saw terrified me, and I immediately slammed it shut.” Roland paused to take a sip of water from his canteen.

“I sat, thinking about what I’d seen. It was the Earth, from what seemed to be an impossible distance in the sky. It terrified me so, because to step through such a door would be to fall to my death. Then, the voice of Cort spoke up in my mind, telling me that I had seen more. I recalled something he used to say about using the eye of your memory to see, because ‘the difference between seeing and not seeing can be the difference between living and dying’.”

"Aye, I recall how he always used to harry us about that,” Cuthbert said. “Took you long enough to make full use of your eyes. Always wanting to rush into things without a complete look, that was you. The both of us, really. Two foolhardy kids.” He smirked, “You eventually grew out of it, though."

Roland was nonplussed for a moment. He was struck with a fresh wave of fondness for the man before him. How many years had it been since someone shared an experience from his youth? Hundreds? Thousands? Long enough for him to forget what it felt like. Long enough by many-a wheel.

“Nevertheless,” Roland said, “the eye of my memory did not fail me this time. I realized that the view I had seen was framed with white edges. It was only a window. I opened the door again.” Eddie picked up the story from here, telling of his drawing, followed by Susannah with the tale of her own. 

-----------------

Cuthbert listened raptly as they recounted the many adventures that preceded renouncing the Tower, each seamlessly picking up where the previous person had left off. Cuthbert followed each turn of the story, growing more incredulous as the tale went on. 

The tale of Blaine the Mono and Eddie’s heroism particularly stood out to Cuthbert, as Roland had suspected it would. “Good on you, Eddie!” He cheered, reaching over to clap Eddie on the shoulder. “Take that Roland! With your haughty attitude toward all forms of humor!”

Roland had accepted this ridiculing without comment. Cuthbert had meant it lightheartedly, but Roland knew it was well-deserved. He had been arrogant in the matter of Eddie’s jokes and it could have cost them dearly. He tried not to take it too hard though, for it had been Eddie himself who had pointed out that Roland couldn’t help his own nature, was in fact a prisoner of it as much as he was a prisoner of ka.

-----------------

So much, Cuthbert thought. They have seen so much. And done more. This had been after Susannah spoke of the Green palace, their confrontation with Flagg, the reappearance of the pink glass, and finally waking up back in Roland’s world--their world--on the path of the beam.

“This next part is the sort of story with which you are familiar. A town in need, calling upon a group of gunslingers,” Roland said. It was the first time he had spoken since he told of going after Jake in the underground tunnels of Lud. He was content to let his brood take over the story-telling whenever possible. Speaking had never been his favorite thing. “As we continued our course along the beam, we soon became aware that we were being followed. Jake picked some muffin-balls and noticed that he was being watched.”

“Sure,” Jake said. “But you already knew about them. You knew about them as soon as they started following us.”

“Aye. ‘Twas a small group and posed no danger to us, so we decided to ignore them and let them follow. Before we speak of them, Eddie and Jake must tell you of their first time going todash.”

Jake took over this part of the tale and then Roland briefly told of following Susannah into the woods, to what she, or rather Mia, had seen as a banqueting hall. The implications of this, paired with Susannah’s experience with the incubus, were not lost on Cuthbert. Although Roland hadn’t gone into great detail, Susannah was embarrassed. She knew what she had been doing out there, even if she hadn’t known at the time. Once that had all been told, Roland circled back to the group that had been following them.

“One member of this group was a man who became an integral part of our ka-tet. When we come to his part in our story, Eddie will tell it, for this man has since come to the clearing at the end of the path. For now, know that his name was Donald Callahan, a man of honor and a priest of the Man Jesus. Known in the Calla as Pere Callahan or The Old Fella."

-----------------

It was an easy enough story to follow. The town, finally fed up with losing their babbies, decided to make a stand. They couldn’t do this on their own, so they had enlisted the help of gunslingers. The Pere, knowing that he was in possession of something they would need, was the one to initially make contact with them and explain the situation. The gunslingers, bound by duty, agreed to lend their aid. Cuthbert had been horrified to learn that the Black Thirteen had a part to play in their tale. But, oh, there was so much about their tale that horrified him.

-----------------

Eddie had just finished recounting Father Callahan's story, starting with Salem's Lot and ending with Lupe's death, when Cuthbert spoke up. Not for the first time either; filled with questions was this one. 

"So when you say he was in love with this... other man, what exactly do you mean?" Cuthbert was bewildered, he couldn't possibly mean what Cuthbert was thinking. 

"Well, you know, like, romantic love. Like how I'm in love with this beautiful lady," Eddie replied, putting his arm around Susannah and earning a smile from his beloved.

"You should have heard the way he spoke of Lupe. It was beautiful, but difficult to hear considering how things ended. That man was truly in love," Susannah added.

"And is that considered normal in your world? A man loving another man?" Cuthbert asked, genuinely curious. He fought to keep his voice normal, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing. And how casually they spoke of something he could have easily been killed for! 

Eddie saw Jake wince at Cuthbert's question, and although he didn't detect any disgust from the man, he still felt a little uneasy. After all, he had no real idea what the people of Gilead thought of gay people. Roland had never seemed surprised or bothered by the existence of gay people, but perhaps he was an exception. Was Cuthbert going to have a problem with this? 

Eddie looked at Roland and raised his eyebrows, wondering if he should waste time delving into what could possibly become an issue.

Roland waved his hand unhurriedly. "We come from a much different world, Eddie. If he wishes for more details, you may provide them."

"Alright then. It's normal, yeah. Nothing wrong with being gay. But not everyone jives with that. Some people hate gay people, and they point to things like the Bible to excuse their hatred, but I think they really just don't like people being different from them. The virus that Lupe died of, the one he got from the vampire- It disproportionately affects men who, uh, have sex with other men. You know, like, gay and bisexual men," he paused for a moment wondering if he would need to explain these terms. When Cuthbert said nothing, he continued. "Homophobia has always been around, but this made the homophobes worse because they had a new reason to stigmatize gay people" Eddie had no idea how much of this Cuthbert was even capable of understanding. He didn't even know if Roland understood it all. But he didn't exactly know how to explain it in Mid-World terms.

Although he was unfamiliar with some of the language Eddie used, Cuthbert was able to figure most of it out through context. There was one term that he could not decipher, though. "Homo Phobia?" he asked, carefully pronouncing this foreign word.

"Homophobia's when someone is prejudice against gay people, sugar," Susannah said softly, momentarily placing her hand on Cuthbert's arm.

"And for the sake of clarity, I would understand this very well, you--all of you--are against Homo Phobia?" 

"Of course," Roland said simply, completely oblivious to the rest of his ka-tet collectively holding their breath, nervous to see how Cuthbert would react.

"Okay, very well. You may continue on with your story," Cuthbert said with a smile. Despite being hard to read for most of that conversation, Eddie thought he seemed almost relieved now. As they all were. Had Cuthbert been, well, homophobic, it would not bode well for his place in their group. Jake is gay, and recently started seeing a boy. They were all very happy for him. Eddie wouldn't tolerate any hate toward his little bro, even if it was coming from the legendary Cuthbert, who their dinh--their father--dearly missed over all these long, strange years.

-----------------

When this palaver had initially started, Cuthbert asked many questions. Eddie thought it would take half of forever to get through their entire story with how often they were interrupted. Not that he didn’t understand it. Hell, if someone recounted this story to him a few years ago, he’d certainly have had a lot of questions, the first being: ‘How stupid do you think I am?’

Cuthbert had been trying to wrap his brain around everything they had been through, but eventually gave up. There was just so much and after a while, he realized that it was easier to just sit and listen. Comprehension would come later, over time. A corporation to protect the rose--the rose which may also be the Tower? Sure. A spider baby with four parents? Okay. The death of this baby at the hands of none other than Walter O’Dim? Alright. A writer who created books--make believe books--about their lives? A group of telepaths working to break the Beams which hold the Tower, using the force stolen from the twin children of the Callas to enhance their abilities? Sheemie, Cuthbert’s dear friend, alive after all those years?

It’s the truth, Cuthbert thought. I know it’s the truth. That’s what makes it so hard to believe.

-----------------

“We have come to the most important part of our story,” Roland said solemnly. They had just been speaking of freeing the Breakers and the chaos which broke out around them. “See this, Cuthbert Allgood. See it very well.” Roland said and proceeded to describe the spot in Pleasantville, the alley between the movie theater and the hair salon, where blood from the battle still ran into the gutters. This was where they had finally made their stand, the one that changed everything: Their stand against ka.

-----------------

“Come here, Gilead,” Susannah said. “This is a group hug, and you’re part of the group.”

It took Roland a moment to understand Susannah’s invitation. Part of him would forever believe that they didn’t accept him as part of their group. He would always be an outsider among them. The three of them had come from the same world after all, and even though they came from different whens, this still gave them a deeper understanding of each other. They had grown up with the same stories, made wishes on the same stars, and shared inside jokes that Roland would never understand no matter how much he tried.

When he realized that she had meant him, he went over with a cheered heart. He stopped on his way to pick up Oy of Mid-World. Whenever Roland felt like an outsider, it helped to remember that they all loved Oy, who also hailed from a different world.

They wrapped their arms around one another, embracing in the aftermath of their victory. The beam was safe and they were together. Susannah kissed Roland’s forehead, causing Jake and Eddie to laugh. Roland delighted in the sound of their laughter and the feel of Susannah’s kiss, thinking that he had never been this happy, never in life.

He shifted and felt the weight of the horn on his belt, where he had placed it before the battle began, reminding him of his dear friend Cuthbert Allgood. One person, out of many, who had been lost in search of the Tower. How many more? He looked around at his ka-tet, currently embracing him, and knew the answer. All of them. All of the people he loved would be lost. No, not lost, killed. And whose fault would it be? Who else could be blamed but the one who brought them into this world and taught them the ways of the gun?

They'd all felt the ka-shume and Roland knew it was only a matter of time, perhaps only a few moments, before he'd lose another. Unless he did something about it.

"I renounce," he mumbled. The words got stuck and he choked them out. Some kind of mass seemed to appear in his throat, making it hard to speak.

"What, Roland?" Susannah said, still smiling. She started to pull away to look at Roland, but he pulled her back into the embrace. 

"No more," he said firmly. "I renounce." At this they all pulled away from the embrace and looked at Roland, shocked. And then, head turned up to the sky, Roland of Gilead shouted at the top of his lungs: "I RENOUNCE THE TOWER!"

-----------------

It was quiet as they all gave Cuthbert a moment to fathom renouncing the Tower. Then, Eddie broke the silence, as he was wont to do. “I was scared. I half expected the Beam to break at Roland’s very words. But… nothing happened. The sky didn’t fall, the ground didn’t split open, not even a Beamquake. Nothing.” Eddie thought for a moment, and then spoke again. “Well, not exactly nothing…” he trailed off, unsure how to describe what he had felt.

“Lightness,” Jake finished for him, eyes wide, looking at nothing in particular. “It was like a ten pound weight was lifted from my chest and a shadow left my mind.”

“The lifting of the ka-shume,” Susannah said and Roland nodded. He had felt it himself. He had also been granted one clear insight at his decision to renounce- One more job to do, this to be done with the aid of the Breakers, and then…freedom.

“Yes, you say true Susannah,” Roland said. “The despair and dread of the forthcoming breaking of the ka-tet left all of our hearts. Our ka-tet--our family--was safe.” At this, Roland lifted his arms to embrace his children. Cuthbert was surprised to see his old friend openly weeping as he held them tightly. Watching them all share such overwhelming love for one another, he felt a little like crying himself.

-----------------

“And what of the writer? The one who you say… created us,” Cuthbert said, still not quite grasping this concept.

“Not created, but facilitated,” Roland said. “Sheemie, with the help of some of the other Breakers, made a hole for us that led to June 19th, 1999. We went as soon as we finished at Algul Siento, giving us just enough time to stop him from going on his walk. That was the last act we ever did for the Tower.

“So, you see,” Eddie said, “things are pretty much taken care of in the two keystone worlds, and that's all that matters. We started the corporation to protect the rose, we freed the Breakers, and we saved Stephen King. The Crimson King is old and imprisoned and the one created to take his place is dead. Anything else you'd do during your quest, would be, well, redundant. Because this world and the one in which Sai King lives, are the only worlds that truly matter. And those things are already done. If you were to go in search of the Tower from here, the only thing you could accomplish is seeing it. And maybe that's enough to drive you anyway. God knows it was enough for me at some point, but not anymore. To be with the people I love is enough. Anything else, ka can take care of.

“What about Walter?”

“Ever since he killed the Red King's offspring in the Arc-16 Experimental Station, he's made himself scarce,” Roland said. “I suspect we need not worry about him for a long while.”

Everyone mused on this for a moment and then Roland spoke again: “I suggest we end our palaver here for now, as we need to eat and then take our night’s rest. We’ve discussed the most crucial parts of our journey; anything else can wait for tomorrow.”

-----------------

After they had taken their meal--during which, not much was said (food and palaver don’t mix, as Roland had been wont to say)-- they all settled into the area in which they chose to camp for the night. Without discussion, Roland and Cuthbert took their bedrolls a short distance away from the others, who seemed to instinctively know to give the freshly reacquainted friends some space.

Cuthbert stopped near a copse of trees. “I like this spot, ‘tis a good spot, I think.”

Roland nodded, although he couldn’t see what made this spot in the woods any different than the rest. He laid his bedroll on a flat piece of ground behind one of the trees and sat upon it.

Cuthbert started to lay his own right next to it and Roland looked up at him. Cuthbert caught this glance and assumed Roland was about to tease him. “Do not utter a word,” Cuthbert said, the firmness in his voice was betrayed by the wide smile on his face. “I am in a strange place, in a new world, and you are the only thing here that is familiar to me. If I want to sleep right next to my best friend, who I’ve mourned over for Gods know how long, that is to be expected.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything. I was only thinking how long it’s been since the last time I slept this close to you. If my memory serves, we shared a sleeping space the night before Jericho Hill. The night before you died.”

“Aye, we did. Only, for me, ‘twas the night before you died. We needed all the comfort we could get, what with the upcoming battle. Not to mention our condemnable deed.” Cuthbert said, thinking of Alain, who had been their loyal friend to the very end. Had, in fact, died while trying to help them. And at their hands.

“Those are bygone days. And we look ahead, not toward a battle, but at unencumbered time. No duties, no fight, no killing. You may choose to go on gunslinging, as we have been doing for the past few years, or I suppose you may even choose to go after the Tower. But we can rest knowing that tomorrow, at least, will be free of all such worry.”

“When did you get so blithe?” Cuthbert asked, bemused. He was rather amazed (and impressed) at how different Roland was, how easygoing he sounded. “The Roland I knew was always raring for a fight.”

“The Roland you knew died. And good riddance because that Roland had no soul. I didn’t get that back until I met them,” Roland said, gesturing toward the direction in which his children lay. “Eddie said something to me once. He said that I saved more than just his life, I saved his soul. But he had it the wrong way around. Bass-ackwards, as he would say.”

“Bass-ackwards,” Cuthbert snorted a laugh, “I like that.” He chose not to comment on the rest of what Roland had said. It was too much for him to think about right now. If he thought about it for too long, he’d start wondering how much of his own soul was gone, and how much he could hope to get back. 

“I thought you might,” Roland said and lay back all the way, perhaps preparing to fall asleep. 

But Cuthbert wasn’t quite ready to try to sleep. He knew what little sleep he could hope for would be plagued by nightmares. “Do you know why I like this spot?”

“Nay. Looks like any other spot in the woods to me.” 

“Of course, for you’re just as dense as the woods. But it brings to my mind one particular place that held some significance to us.” Cuthbert watched as Roland worked this over in his mind. He seemed to be about to give up and ask when understanding suddenly washed over him. A bright smile took over Roland’s face, that slightly mad smile that Cuthbert had always cherished.

“The woods of West-Town,” Roland said with whispered excitement. “How could I have forgotten?” He was genuinely delighted by this memory, for those woods had been a sort of haven for the two of them. One of those secret places that only childhood friends could hold in such reverence. Whenever one of them had needed an escape--be it from a parental scolding or difficulties with their training--the woods were there for them. They had even used it in their young adulthood, whenever they were in need of a temporary reprieve from the many responsibilities and expectations placed upon them.

“Aye, behind the uprooted bush, right between the trees. That was our little hideout.” To Cuthbert, it held an extra significance because this was one of the few places that he could be alone with Roland. When they were there, he had Roland’s full attention. It was their little secret. Deep down, a part of him had always secretly hoped that one day, they might share a romantic moment there. And it would become a new kind of secret escape. “We thought we were right trig going down there.”

“Mayhap we were. No one ever caught us, did they?”

“Not that we were aware. Cort had probably known the whole time and oh, how he’d laugh at how clever we thought we were being”

“Nay, if Cort had known, he certainly would’ve used the knowledge to shame us.”

Cuthbert thought that sounded about right. “I’m keeping you up, aren’t I? Usually you would have told me to shut my gob by now. Honestly, it's kind of strange that you haven't."

"Bert, I have gone hundreds, maybe even a thousand years without hearing your voice. I wouldn’t mind if you never stopped talking." There it was again, that almost blunt sentiment, spoken with such a casual ease that the Roland he had known from days of old could never have pulled off. Not, at least, when speaking to Cuthbert. Perhaps he spoke so with Susan, or even Aileen, but when it came to friendships, expressing feelings had been difficult for Roland. As it was for them all; friendly affection had been effectively trained out of the crop of gunslingers. It seemed Roland's family, as a part of saving his soul, had helped him recover his emotional side.  

"Be careful with what you wish, Ro'," Cuthbert said, smirking. "For you never know what Gods are listening"

"I always am. I'd not utter a wish I did not mean."

Cuthbert considered this, reckoned he was reading too much into Roland’s words, and decided to change the subject once again. “Earlier, when you were speaking of the sky-carriage, you gave me a funny look. What was that for?”

Roland cast his mind back. They had discussed a great deal today. The sky-carriage though, that had been one of the first things. And now Roland knew what Cuthbert must have been referring to. He probably had given him a strange look, because for a moment, he felt like he had seen a ghost. 

“It was because I mentioned Cort, and not only did you know who he was, but you actually shared my memory. I'm used to talking to folken who weren't around during that time. I think that’s when it first started to sink in that you’re actually here. I am no longer the only one who has to bear the memory of Gilead as it was, before the world moved on.”

“Aye, I understand what that feels like, so I do,” Cuthbert said. “Sometimes it feels like those days never really happened.” Again, Roland was startled, because this was exactly what he was trying to say. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Cuthbert had always had a way of articulating the thoughts and feelings that got stuck in Roland’s mind.

“When we had first arrived in the Calla, Ben Slightman the Elder said something to me. Something that troubled me. He said, ‘I heard of Jericho Hill and such blood-and-thunder tales of pretend’. To my face, he said that. What was the end of the world for me, was only a bedtime story to him.

“That careless statement would not leave my mind, Bert. I had known that the Battle of Jericho Hill and all the other events of that time were not simply tales of make-believe. I had lived through them. Piece by piece I lost everything. My mother, my teacher, my father, my home, my friends, each loss burning another scar into my soul. I still felt the effects of the ancient wounds that would never heal. But deep down, in a part of me that is immune to logic, I started to believe it. Maybe it had been make-believe, for who did I have around me that could confirm my memories? And would losing everything in such a tumultuous, chary succession ever truly seem real?

“But now, I have you. Finally, someone else who remembers what life was like in those days before Gilead fell. Someone who knows what it’s like to give up your youth to fight a losing battle. And to spend the rest of your life trying desperately to find a way to bring back the life you once knew.”

Cuthbert racked his brain trying to figure out how to respond to this. He wasn’t used to such heavy subject matter. He came up with and discarded several joke responses, figuring Roland wouldn’t appreciate humor at this moment (he rarely appreciated humor at any moment). He needn’t have worried so much, because after only a few moments, he realized he could hear soft, even breathing coming from next to him. Roland had fallen asleep.

[glueboy-19]

once again putting off reading the dark tower again bc i'm too employed to be really into it like i was