#survived the hangover

[feartheoldblog]

MERRY CHRISTMAS CHAT I LOVE YOU ALL AND HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

[muffy-official]

The girl scout(specialist expop)

I still got no gimmicks yet besides the sensitive hearing she got+ 2 execution ideas:

1. She swings the pipe at you hard enough to make you drop backwards to the floor, standing above you and being 5'1 makes it easier for her to slam the back of the pipe down into your face repeatedly, apologising constantly as she cries in distress over having to do this

2. Hits you with the pipe against the head to the floor like above, but she chucks it aside afterwards, sitting down onto you as uncomfortable as this is for you it also is for her, opening the pouch visible from the front to pull a pocket knife out, stabbing you repeatedly with it, also apologising repeatedly, sounding distressed as she doesn't want to do this at all, but it's maybe better to be her to do it than most prime assets..

Even as expop she herself feels out of place due to how naive and innocent she is just like a lamb. Either getting picked on or some openly saying they could fix her without any shame in their words, which of course she wants to avoid. Already bad enough she's got kissed, hugged, dragged, carried, danced with, told to change into clothes she wasn't comfortable in(mostly fancier dresses Tilly forces her to put on that reveal shoulders, décolleté and the back, then force to model besides the one time she gave her away for goods after dolling her up), etc without her having any say in it at all, as if her opinion about this making her uncomfortable was invalid to most

Murkoff also refused to add all buttons nor give her a undershirt so she had to improvise with bandages

Fun fact: it's possible some of Coyles blood from a stabbing she commited as she exploded emotionally has never fully washed out of the ripped sleeves side

[liyazaki]

it's dancing on a slow-burning stage because you're a dancer, goddammit, and this is the only stage you've got.

you've spent your entire life denying that the dance is a thing you want, even though you were born with the need to feel another woman's fingers intertwined with your own, containing infinities that have no right residing in one human body.

when denial didn't work, you minimized the need. you made excuses. you force-fed yourself the lies you'd been served since birth, until your reflection looked like an amalgamation of every "should be" and ideal you had ever been taught.

you dated the right men. you smiled the way you were supposed to at "you two look so good together!", ignoring the whisper of "is this all there is?" you learned to please, not to want. you told yourself it was enough because it was enough for everyone else.

you stayed booked and busy and buzzing to avoid the quiet moments when the dance would call you home- when you couldn't deny its existence. you quietly starved and bled and bent 'til you nearly broke.

and did any of it make a difference? no. because you're a dancer, goddammit, and you still need to dance.

having only danced in secret and covered in war wounds, you finally step onto the stage. you're as thrilled as you are terrified. the dance begins and the world feels new- even as you narrowly avoid the flames, the broken boards, the unstable stage the world has given you to dance on.

your rage is warranted. your pain is important. what happened to you on your journey to the stage fucking matters. the dance matters- for you, sure, but well beyond you, too.

your dance creates a map for others to better navigate their own journey. it creates a ripple effect you may never see, but is no less vitally important. nothing will make what you suffered to get to this point OK, but it can give some purpose to the pain.

you didn't ask for this. you didn't choose this. you were born to this- this great mess that attempts to water down your humanity, to make you palpable and acceptable and "good." a world where just existing can feel like an act of rebellion.

the one consolation (for me)? you're never alone. we're out here with you, and we need you- desperately so.

dance on, my friends.

[bright-and-burning]

race ✅ landole ✅ lunch w all the alumni from my year in town this weekend ✅

now we nap, shower, and start partying.

[lovedeathplan]

So fucking anxious

[gaytoddhoward]

i kind of need to be like skinned or put into a meat grinder or something . lol .

[moogle-mafia]

so.... i am officially done with the curse of strahd campaign... i did NOT expect all that. i think our dm chose violence on day one and he never stopped. he was merciful maybe... once? the npcs were great, i wanted to study them like bugs... but damn was that campaign difficult difficult lemon difficult.

got me emotional far too many times. the guilt for what we all messed up was always there in the back of my head. we were basically put through a wringer every week. i want to do it again.

and here's the problem i have. i don't know what to think, because i wanted her to get her own happy end. instead, she ended up:

it was kinda sad that we didn't get the Good Ending™, basically everyone in the party lost. only my character survived the endgame after being revivified, but i can safely say that she wishes she stayed dead.

1) objectified (decided to sell herself in hopes of getting out of the whole mess and fixing things)

2) a traitor (because she killed her friend who protected her this whole time she was dying and after that he stood guard over her dead body)

3) as someone even worse than she was before the whole adventure (came back to being opportunistic, but with an addition of crippling guilt and shame)

yes, in that order. didn't save anyone she ever cared for, sold the rest of her agency for scraps, ended up as an accessory to the count. sure, she did lift the curse, but the cost was... ehhh. and the consequences of that were also... ehhhh... her turning evil i think. because the epilogue i got didn't give me much hope for her keeping the rest of her humanity.

now i am unsure. paradoxically, i think that if i actually got the good ending, i would not be this involved in the story. this whole thing we did was a mess. i don't think there were any quests we did correctly. the dice were also ruthless. so i don't know, maybe it was meant to be, and our dm just cranked up the tragedy levels.

i made this character as an experiment, just to see whether i could play someone morally dubious. it was fun. more fun that i expected it to be. i don't like the fact that throughout 6 months of playing, she made approximately... one step towards the good. and in the endgame, she took at least two steps back.

but then again, isn't this what i wanted? i wanted terrible choices with terrible outcomes and i got them. maybe i just feel bad for being satisfied with a tragic ending, even though i shouldn't, because not everything has to end with rainbows and unicorns. and i agreed to the possibility of an absolute fuck-up.

i don't know where i was going with all that, i guess i needed some space to vent and figure my feelings out. the campaign was good. very fucking good. gave me brainrot. inspired me to write a diary. in character. in polish. almost 60 pages of writing. i haven't written anything in polish since high school.

slay, my fucked-up arcane trickster with a stolen name, you were the best. give my regards to dracula, since you are on earth already. and bring me some english biscuits when you're done with your conquest. aaand maybe stab the count with the sunsword, if you ever find it.

so... no more venting, i'm done. accepted the fuckery i did and its consequences.

[yukinyaminyato]

thinking abt a convo i had with my friend and crush last night where my friend mentioned a cafe they wanna go to which happens to be a place ive been wanting to try out too and my crush mentioned smth like "yea my friend told me they have good-looking staff there". and that reminded me i'd seen they had posted a job ad two days ago and i was like "oh right they have an open part-time position, i wonder if i should apply" and my crush was like "well, then they'd have one more good-looking worker there" and fjdhfkglgllg 😭

[mercuryislove]

got unbelievably drunk last night and ugly cried for like an hour. then my best friend distracted me for a while and cheered me up before I passed out on the bathroom floor. hi.

[kitty-treats]

GOOD MORNING i did not gain weight from drinking and binge eating taco bell <3

[laestoica]

[girlblocker]

watching cat video compilations on YouTube… happy finals week

[miscomm]

decaying in the backseat of this car and the chosen playlist is this is ed sheeran. god have mercy.

[commissionsdarian]

Sitting in a hotel room in complete darkness and silence has never sounded so fun until now

[wolverinedoctorwho]

sometimes when i charge my phone, it will be on 15% after a long day of use. i plug the charger in, expecting it to stay at 15% and then charge back up afterwards.

instead, what it will often do is continue to deplete the battery all the way down to 0%, sometimes very quickly, and then it will very slowly charge back up to 100%.

that's what's happened to my body in the last 24hrs.

i apparently have been chucking spoons out the window this whole time and didn't realize it until the whole drawer hit the concrete.

[bugmin]

took an edible.....can only imagine what happens next...