#surrendering helplessly I kneel at your grave

[vertanimeni]

alright yall brb gonna give wen ning a cool trans boyfriend and theyll have their own happy ending together

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

I need some angst in my life.

Good news for you, I just got back from going to be the family disappointment.

At first, Jason thought you were just going to cry. To break into sobs as you tell yourself to get it together.

It isn't until the first spider webbed cracks appear in the mirror that he realizes he has made a grave miscalculation.

The hits keep coming with every jagged breath, blood spattering the silvered surface as he rushes forward, pinning your arms to your side and dragging you backward. Struggling to hold you as he lowers you to the floor and you spend what's left of your sudden rage fighting against his grip.

"Baby girl-"

"Don't touch me," you gasp, pushing him away, "Don't fucking touch me."

His hands go up in surrender as he kneels just a few feet away, "I'm not," he said softly. And he watches helplessly as you lay on the floor, your hand weeping blood as your cheek rests on the cool tile. Hair covering your face.

"It doesn't matter what I do," you murmur wiping your nose on your sleeve and smearing blood on your face. "I'm never going to be enough."

"Enough for who?" he asked softly, "For them?" He made a soft incredulous noise. "Baby they're alcoholics. They're not good enough for-"

"All I want is for them to fucking love me," you murmur. "I keep doing all this shit. I keep-"

"You keep torturing yourself, and for what?"

"Because I'm stupid-"

"Because you love them more than they deserve," he corrected, tucking hair behind your ear carefully so he could see your eyes. Tears were still leaking even if you weren't trembling and sobbing. "I can't change what they did to you. But I love you. I love you so much that sometimes I forget to hate myself."

"It's a horrible decision, really-"

"Maybe," he murmured, smiling a little. "But when have I ever done anything good for me?"

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

I like your writing so much !!

Can you please write something where Harry is sick and Draco takes care of him?

45. There's no me without you

Prompt- feeling their temperature | Thank you so much for requesting this, I tried to give my very best, however I'm pretty sure the ending didn't turn up that great.

| Harry is diagnosed with a terminal disease | ANGST | HURT COMFORT |

" you called for us ?" Draco asked as he sat down with harry in the chairs in front of the desk.

" how is my favourite couple doing ?" The healer asked with a gracious smile

" mind me, but it's sound's a bit- well- like there's some bad news " harry pointedly almost slightly worried.

The healer's head bowed, in disgrace of not being able to conceal " before I tell you this, please don't be mad. You know I'd do anything to help you as much as I can "

" you're scaring us Ms. Carnballer " draco's fingers automatically held Harry's hand in a tight grip unknowingly

She sighed, pushing the files towards the couple " after the accident of last week, you had required a full body scan and the results came in today "

" wh- what's does it say then ?" Draco's voice quivered, not even being able to read the words on the parchment

" it's my regret to inform you, harry suffers from a terminal disease, plaganeisis. It's somewhat very familiar to muggle..."

But harry was already falling. All the voices were fading and all his vision fading. He knew something was ought to go wrong sometime, but this soon, he didn't expect. His mind rapidly rushed to all the promises he would break, all the promises of spending his forever with draco, only his forever was now limited.

" Mr. Potter, are you listening ?"

" harry, honey " draco violently shook Harry's body on the chair which has gone into unconscious paralysis.

"huh?" Harry voiced

" I said, you're not so severe. But the disease is ought to spread. I- maybe you should take some time and relax yourself. Why don't I just talk to Mr. Malfoy right now ?" She asked sympathetically. Normally harry would've denied and requested to stay but his mind was spiralling into fading into consciousness to unconsciousness, so harry nodded and slowly left the room and waited outside with his thoughts.

Harry didn't talk to anyone properly for an entire week after that, even to his friends who stopped by his place to console him. It was as if the death seemed nearer than it already was. All he thought for days was about his numbered days and leaving draco so broken beyond his comprehension. If harry cared only Little about himself, he would sneak a peek at draco and stare at him looking out of the window, sadly until he'd turn to harry with a smile. It broke his heart to even think about draco after him. They'd only been together for 3 years, in which they had hurriedly married last year, but they had never regretted that decision until very this moment, harry wondered how would it be to let him go.

" I think you should break up with me and find yourself Someone who isn't dying " harry had said one day on the dinner table

Draco only looked at harry strangely, not responding or eating. Harry only remembered hearing draco's cries late in the night when he assumed harry was asleep. He wanted to make his pain stop, but how could he.

This was until harry met with the healer once again.

" harry, I need you to understand that your death would only be nearer if you're thinking it's near. Keeping yourself motivated right now would seem very hard right now but you have to understand that you're hurting other people around you with forcing them to leave you because you think it'd hurt less. I've told you this before and I'll tell you this again, you can prolong your life for as long as your body wants. If you're forcing yourself to surrender yourself to death, you'd be dead very soon but if you don't, you'd Maybe live another 10 years "

" it will hurt, I know. Leaving everything broken. But make the most of it right now,as much as you can. Draco needs you right now and so do you and you have to remember that " Ms. Carnballer softly smiled at harry from the opposite side. It was then when harry realised, he's not dead, not yet. He's still alive. He still is.

And that very night, harry entered the house with a cake, called over his close friends and spent his time, relished it, till he could. It was an improvement and his friends were very happy to see that but that didn't stop them from giving him a sympathies, pity hugs, hugs for longer than usual. For once harry didn't mind, even if it was somewhere Breaking him inside.

" what was all this ?" Draco furiously asked after everyone had left

" what ?"harry asked confused.

" what was the point of all this ? A reminder that you're dying soon ? " Draco's eyes glimmered with sad tears or anger, that was yet to be figured.

" draco-"

" no- you can't Just barge into the house with a damn cake and call over your friends and spend the night as if nothing has happened. Or tell me I should find someone new. do you even realise how horrid I felt when you told me to leave you and find someone who would never be anywhere equal to you and-" but then he broke down onto the chair behind him, heaving violently as he covered his mouth to not release the screams, the sound of pain.

Harry's heart broke to see Draco like that. In the process of turning on the switch, he forgot that if there was anyone in the world who would be most effected by Harry's death, it would be him. And harry had never understand, nor probably will understand how draco must be feeling.

Harry kneeled down in front of draco, his eyes swimming with tears leaking with water to pour. He took the hand that covered draco's lips and kissed them softly, leaving a droplet of tear over his fist.

" everything is not fine draco, it would probably not even be and we can't change that but now more than ever I need you and you need me. You more than me, this will probably be the last moments I spend with you and I don't want to spend that time fighting with you. I want us to fight together. You're right, I didn't realise how I was imposing on you to find Someone new without even thinking because I assumed it would be easier for both of us and now I clearly know it's not. I can't change what's about to happen love, but we can spend each and every moment making memories that will never leave you. I don't want to see you in pain, ever.. I love today and I will love you tomorrow and I will love you from my grave but we both need to understand that. Will you spend my numbered days with me ?" Harry's voice was soft as honey,as if he wanted to conceal both of them from the already bitterness of the situation but again that Infact what they should be doing.

Draco nodded sobbing, kissing harry for the first time in a while because harry allowed to.

" let's make it count, yeah ?" Draco sighed, theirs forehead against another

" yes " harry replied with closed eyes. Maybe it made it all better.

The next few months, harry's condition only became worse. He started losing weight like heavy bricks, his face sucking in, his fingers shaking even to pick up a cup, his eyes becoming home to sunken eyes with dark circles. Harry had lost that innocence on his face and metaphorically his eyes were losing their lively look and if even so they pretended everything was fine, they both sobbed when the other one wasn't around, draco crying more mostly because he felt helpless.

" you have to help me Ms. Carnballer, I can't- I don't want to lose him. I'd much rather die than lose harry. He's the only thing in my life that makes sense. Please- please I beg you " draco sobbed harshly, pleading, begging.

" it's my immense regret-"

" I don't need sympathies. I need to help harry. I don't want him to die. There must be something, anything we can do to save him. please, I'm literally begging " draco cried.

Ms. Carnballer leaned into her chair, sighing. It was painful to see draco like this, even for her even though she saw people like that everyday but none so desperate like him. Draco looked like he hadn't slept for days, he hadn't, he hadn't eaten properly. In taking care of harry, he had forgotten to take care of his own self. That wasn't his priority.

" I will tell you truth draco, the researches are in progress. There's no cure as for now but if I must say, there must be cure. Nature would never create that It can't find a cure to. I can't promise how Long it will take to find a cure, I hope soon but all I can give you right now is hope. I can prescribe stronger medicines but that's the most I can help "

And with that Draco's helplessly and angrily went home, finding harry out of the bed.

" harry, you're not supposed to get up" draco signed as he put his bags on table, roaming around to find harry. And he did find harry sitting by the window.

" how are you feeling ?" Draco asked as he went closer to harry

" do you want me to tell you the truth or the same lie I tell you each day " harry had been crying and draco knew this by his rough voice.

Draco sighed " let's get you back into the bed. I'll make the dinner-"

" no. Draco. I'm tired. I'm tired of seeing you tiredly coming home each day, making dinner for me, telling me everything will be fine one day when you and I both know it won't be. Stop wasting your time on me. I'm meant to die and I will die " harry told Draco nonchalantly

" wh- I thought we had this conversation and we were done with this Absurdity " draco furiously threw his hands in the air.

Harry turned to Draco, stepping down from the window, standing still.

" you are wasting your life draco. I can't see that. In taking care of me look what have you done to your own self. When was even the last time you shaved or ate a proper dinner or went out with friends or just watched a movie and fell asleep on the couch without a care in the world. You think I don't watch you. I watch you like a hawk draco and I can't let you do this to yourself. This is brutal, harsh, painful to even watch " harry threw

" painful?" Draco scoffed " what do you know about pain harry. You tell me you don't want to hurt me, that you can't see me in pain but everyday you reach new heights of hurting me. It's hurts me everyday to watch you lose yourself little by little. It's brutal and harsh that after everything you will leave me alone to spend the rest of my life alone. I miss being myself but now all I think of is how can i take your pain away. It physically hurts me that I can't do anything to save you. It's cruel and brutal of the world to take you away from me when you're the Only thing that makes me want to live another day and when you're gone, how would I even possibly survive. I cry nights away because I can't stop your pain. After everything you've been through in your life, this isn't what you deserve and it's hurts me to every single core of my soul, my body and my heart. I'd much rather prefer death right now " draco yelled crying.

" If I am such a burden draco, please for the love of Merlin leav-" but harry had started coughing harshly. His body doubled over and in instincts, draco helped him to the couch and fetched water, calming his throat immediately.

Draco started crying rapidly, it was as if large crystal balls were dripping down his eyes and they didn't cease at all " I don't want to fight you. I don't- but I'm so hurt. I'm in pian harry, Maybe less than you but it's just- I can't lose you" draco took Harry's hands in how own, drawing circles over his hand.

" I know draco, I know. I wanted to-"

" no harry. It should be me consoling you yet everytime its you consoling me. There is so much wrong with this, but I don't want to console you because I can't stand losing you. I won't survive a day without you harry. I can't. I don't want to " draco sobbed. Harry gave Draco a sad smile, engulfing draco into a hug and kissing the top of his head.

" well I am Always the better one so " and draco finally chuckled, for the first time in months.

It occurred him that night when harry had fallen asleep, after checking his temperature for any signs that if nobody is going to help save harry, draco will do it himself.

And that very night he apparated to Hermione's place.

" I need help "

" about time " Hermione smirked as she led him into her study and they discussed all night about Harry's condition, anatomically the part of his body affected the worst and how can the spread possibly be stopped. Until Draco disapparated for the first time relieved before harry woke up.

It was another 1 month of brainstorming when one night, Hermione found it.

" it's the bone marrow "

" what ?" Draco confusedly asked

" the spread is only through his blood, right ? And bone marrow is the major manufacturer of helper stem cells in the body that would bring up his immunity. It's not the problem with the cells draco, its the bone marrow. Because harry is sickening, the strength of the production of-"

" the helper cells is reducing and if we just know how to fix that then the leukocytes and his platelets count would increase, thereby his body can fight itself "

" yes "

They both remained silent for a long time, until Hermione finally called Madame pomfrey from ages ago knowing she was the Only one who still performed old school magic for treatment of some very vital disease.

" Hermione, remember in second year when harry broke his arm ?" Draco asked suddenly

" what ? Of course "

" remember gilderoy instead of fixing Harry's arm, basically vanished his bone ?"

" of course. If we could reintroduce finer bone marrow-"

" without the aftermath of graft, harry would become healthy because his body will not reject it "

" call ms. Carnballer immediately "

And Ms. Carnballer agreed .

" of course, it was the muggle theory we failed to apply " ms. Carnballer said In a bit suspicious voice

" but ?" Both of them asked

" it seems too easy. I mean no wonder it might be the solution to it but if just seems so simple. If it were that simple, why couldn't wizards had thought of it before? It just seems as if this will have some drawback "

And then it hit them, it was a little too easy. After discussing, draco headed home with Ms. Carnballer telling him to wait for until she was sure of it.

Only time ran out. Draco was half an hour late than usual today and harry hadn't even woken up, even though he would've normally woken up..

Draco kneeled down next to harry, trying to wake him but harry gave no response. He was still breathing but his heartbeat was falling down little by little. In between panic attack, draco immediately dialled up Ron and Hermione.

" we need to immediately go to st. Mungo's"

And they didn't need more notice. They immediate disapparated to their place with Ron warming up the car and Hermione helping carry harry to the car.

" it will be fine. Everything will be fine " Hermione reassured him but draco had lost every shred of his sanity and was dripping all wet with tears.

" I can't lose him Hermione " draco cried as he held harry closely to himself with Ron almost flying the car

" you won't draco. He's a fighter " Ron assured.

Nodding, draco held harry more firmly to himself, whispering " I love you " and " please don't leave me " In Harry's ear. Ron and Hermione only shared looks.

______________________________

" would you at least try ? " Draco begged Ms. Carnballer

" I-"

" please. It have. 88% chances of Saving harry. Please Ms. Carnballer " Hermione countered.

Ms. Carnballer sighed " the hospital won't be responsible for anything that could go wrong, you must know that "

Draco froze. Anything that could go wrong. Those word's screamed in his head but then there was the faint memory running alongside in his head " it's us against the world. We will try till the end "

" do it " draco confirmed. Hermione looked at him for any hesitation. Met with none, she agreed.

He will not lose harry. He will not.. he can't ?

2 hours in the ward, Ms.carnballer finally came out..

" so ?" Draco asked worried out of his mind

" I- regret- harry is suffering from amnesia as of now " she told sighing heavily

" what do you mean amnesia ? It can't be possible" draco wanted to pound on her but ron held him back.

" it's anterograde. He knows everyone, mostly , but some memories might be lost " she weakly replied

Draco almost fell into Ron's grasp, his tears forming instantly

" can I meet him?"

" you can but don't try to pressurise him or anything. I request you "

Draco heavily nodded, biting off his lip in order to release the horrendous scream boiling inside him.

They all followed into the ward was in. Harry was staring out of the window when Draco approached him a little closer.

" harry ?" Draco asked softly, controlling his tears.

" malfoy ?" Harry turned his head with a frown to draco. It was all it took for draco to understand, he didn't remember them..but he wanted to try.

" you don't remember us?" He asked

" what do you mean ?" Harry asked.

Draco immediately turned around to ron and Hermione, who consoled him.

" he doesn't remember us" draco weeped.

" oh goodness I didn't expect you'd cry like a baby " harry chuckled

Frowning In tears draco turned around " what ?" He sniffed

" I could forget you, like you'd let me " harry raises an eyebrow at Draco comically

" what do you mean? She just told me you got amnesia- I don't believe you "

" alright. I got married to you last year on 31st October, at Malfoy manor. Ring a bell " harry quipped

" but she just- you told her to lie? Didn't you ?" Draco narrowed his eyes at harry

" of course. It was fun " harry laughed softly

" you fucking arsehole. You almost gave me heart attack " draco sneered

" but it didn't happen, so we're all good " harry shrugged

" tell me I can break his face " draco looked at Ron

" I'd agree with you unless he looked like this and unless I knew about this " Ron shrugged

" Ron!!! I wanted to say that " Hermione hit him on the shoulder

" you were in on this ?" Draco looked back and forth between both.

" you'd think otherwise. Of course we were in on it. Harry I'd give you a 2.5 for acting. That was shit " Ron raised an eyebrow at harry

" you tell me that when your wife cries like a damn baby " harry rolled his eyes

" I don't understand?" Draco's face filled with confusion after confusion.

Ron and Hermione shared a look before Hermione spoke up " let harry explain, we'll wait outside until your little war would be over "

And they walked out.

" come and sit " harry patted next to him, making some space for him.

In all anger draco narrowed his eyes at harry but at the same time he couldn't be more glad to be with this harry again "you better have a nice explanation " and sat down next to harry on the bed.

" so this happened last week. I woke up in the middle of night and I wanted to look for you but I couldn't find you, I assumed you must've gotten busy with something but when the next night same thing happened, I talked with Ron and Hermione about that. I was really worried for you and I just wanted to know if you were okay. I initially went to them to talk to them about taking care of you, looking after you mostly when I'm gone and told them the whole disappearance thing. It was then Hermione told me that you were trying to look for a cure. I can't tell you how proud I was and am of you. I really am. But you were doing it secretly and I wanted to maintain that until last night, Hermione, rang me and told me that you've got it. And you fell asleep outside for a while, great thing to do while you're husband is in a ward fighting death. They came in and asked for my approval on whatever it was that you guys came up with, of course it would have some drawbacks as Ms. Carnballer said but I wanted to go through with it just as much as you-"

" you did ?"

Harry frowned, taking draco's hands in his own " draco, it's not my choice to die. But if i were given one, I'd never want to die and leave you. There no you without me, nor me without you. Of course the amnesia idea was Mine to scare you. Hermione called it dumb "

" it was dumb " Draco chuckled softly

" look at me draco " and he did

" I've never regretted anything in my life than these last few months because of the pain you've suffered because of me. Even if I were to die Draco, I- I don't know what Would've happened. I'm really sorry for everything-"

" hey, you don't have to apologise. Remember I promised to take you in sicknesses and in health. It doesn't matter harry whatever happens, I'd always take care of you. I just can't lose you. These last few months had been terrible and I never want to go through something like that ever again " draco smiled shyly as he kissed Harry's hands in his own.

" and he won't" a voice interjected behind them..

" ms. Carnballer ?" Draco turned slightly to get a good look of her

" you've fought valiantly harry. The cure that your husband and miss Granger came up with had Little to no side effects, which probably won't show up until very late in life "

" what sort of side effects ?" Draco asked

" you don't have to worry about the disease falling back in again. Side effects however may include slight pain for over a couple of months in the bones and probably anemia, tiredness. You'll have a bit of fitness problem at some point in your life harry. You will have to look out for any illness for the next two years very carefully though. And that's about it "

Harry and Draco looked at each other in relief..

" we did it then ?" Draco smiled

" you did it " harry diligently said

" you've officially fought death, hm, let me see my record, 6 times. That should go in the Guinness world book record " Ron joked as they walked in after that

And the room again filled with laughter.

In the end some fights are worth fighting for.

It is my immense regret for being so incredibly late at delivering the request this late for the inability to probably provide what you expected. Also regretful for not being able to do a stand alone prompt. (Also plaganeisis is no disease). Happy reading. I tried my best.

Requests open

Day 44- how to get away with murder| Day 46- old habits

[internallydeceased]

In the Mist (7)

i’m putting myself on a writing schedule so expect weekly (every monday/sunday?) updates from me! no one looked over this so excuse any mistakes there may be. i can’t be bothered to ask anyone and i’m fairly confident in my writing ability. enjoy!

previously

The Light in the Dark Sussex, Virginia 31st March 1858

An endless abyss of emptiness lie before me; so dark and black that I could scarcely see my hands held out in front of me.

I didn’t know where I was or how I got there, only that I needed to find a way out.

I took off running in one direction, thinking that perhaps if I ran long enough I’d eventually find a way out. But for all I knew, I could have been running for an eternity.

My entire body was screaming for me to stop, begging for a respite no matter how short. I could hardly feel my legs anymore, but what I could feel, was pain. My muscles were cramping and pain ran through my every nerve, shooting up my spine and wrapping itself around my racing heart.

The metallic-like taste of blood coated my tongue and throat as my lungs constricted painfully in my chest as they struggled to take in the oxygen they so desperately needed.

Each part of my body was like an instrument in an orchestra, each one joining in a grand crescendo of pain until my vision blurred and I collapsed altogether.

When I woke I found that darkness still surrounded me, but not the same black emptiness as before.

I was in a corner of some dank room, the only light source was a small torch near the door. A cell door.

Across the room I could see the dark silhouette of a man and I could hear him struggling to free himself from the chains to which he was bound.

There were also the far off screams that echoed through the building (a prison, most likely). Bloodcurdling, heart wrenching screams of men whose souls were damned to a hell on earth.

But the man before me did not scream, and it wasn’t until the light of the torch glinted off of his hair—hair the same color as the fire that lit it— that I realized this man wasn’t a stranger. This man was Jamie.

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach, heavy and painful. I knew that this wasn’t reality, that I was in a dream of sorts, but that didn’t make what was about to happen any less real.

We were suddenly transported outside with a gray sky that loomed overhead; rain threatening to fall. We were in a courtyard of some sort, Jamie chained to a post atop a platform while I watched helplessly from the audience.

I didn’t need to see to know what was about to happen or to whom the hand that held the whip belonged; I already knew.

I knew the man all too well and what he was capable of— I had experienced it myself.

Time seemed to pass in slow motion, making an already horrific event that much more agonizing; but that wasn’t the worst part.

The worst part was that while I watched Jamie’s back being flayed to the bone, I felt it too.

Every snap of the whip was followed by stinging pain, the tiny bits of metal at the ends burying themselves into my flesh and ripping it away.

Jamie was stronger than I was, because while he hardly did more than flinch, I was screaming and crying and begging for mercy amongst a crowd of people to whom I was invisible.

While the time I spent trapped and alone in the dark with Randall was horrific and traumatizing; it was a different type of abuse.

For me it was mind games and control, power over me and my body but for Jamie…

For Jamie it was physical. He had walls that refused to crumble at the hands of that bastard, so he resorted to physical violence.

But even that did not break him.

“Claire!”

I woke to find Jamie— the real Jamie—standing over me, concern coloring every feature.

I could still feel vestiges of the lash, the gaping wounds that covered the entirety of my back; and his.

One big hand came up to cup my cheek, my own eyes drowning in his blue ones.

“Are ye alright, lass?” His voice was deep, still thick with sleep.

Images flashed through my mind: the smell of blood, sticky and wet. Wrists rubbed raw from iron cuffs that were too small. Screams of men begging for their lives that no one would ever hear.

“No.” I rasped, squeezing my eyes shut as if it would erase everything I had just witnessed.

“What’s amiss?” The mattress dipped beneath our combined weight as he sat at the edge beside me.

I swallowed, throat suddenly thick.

I sat up, fully aware that I was only wearing a thin cotton shift that he could see right through, but I didn’t care.

“Do you remember what you were telling me earlier? About you and Randall?”

I felt more than saw his body tensing at the name, I myself winced every time I heard it.

“Aye. What of it?” His voice was careful and measured, cautious of whatever would come next.

I rested my back more fully against the headboard, my hands mindlessly playing with the hem of my shift beneath the blanket.

“What happened?” I let out a deep breath, thinking that I already knew but wanting to hear it from him first.

Jamie let out a breath of his own, and sat silent for a long while before finally speaking again.

“That’s a verra long story, Claire.” He gave me a pointed look before his face softened and continued.

“I suppose you don’t really know anything about me at all, other than the bits I’ve told ye.” He smiled, taking my hand in his. A connection.

I gazed down at our join hands, a smile creeping onto my face. “No, I don’t believe I do.”

“Well, perhaps I should start by introducing myself? James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser, at your service.” He bowed his head over our hands before kissing mine. The room was still and black, other than the glow of the fire in the hearth on the far wall; but I could still make out the dark pools of blue that stared up at me beneath auburn lashes.

“I grew up on an estate called Lallybroch in Broch Mordha. My father built the place himself, ye ken? My mother, Ellen, died when I was young; in childbirth. My older brother Willie died shortly before my mother due to the smallpox. So I was left with only my father and my older sister, Jenny.”

Jamie released my hand before standing up and crossing over to the hearth, feeding more wood into the fire.

“Anyways, one day Randall came down to our place while my father was away. I was workin’ up in the hay fields when I heard Jenny scream. I ran down to find a redcoat tearin’ at the front of her dress so I knocked the bugger out cold. I’d told Jenny to run but the next thing I knew Randall was standing in the doorway with a pistol to her head. I’d no choice but to surrender.”

“He’d tied me up in the dooryard and beat me with his riding crop while forcin’ my sister to watch. After a while he’d gotten tired and said to Jenny, ‘Have you seen enough? Or would you like to go inside and offer me better entertainment?’ I told her not to, even if he slit my throat right before her eyes. He took out his knife and knocked me out cold. By the time I came to, I was joltin’ down the road to Wentworth trussed up in a wagon with the chickens.”

He stood and made his way back over to me on the bed, but he did not touch me.

“The English; they flogged me twice in the space of a week, though it was on a different charge.”

“Which was?” I looked up at him expectantly, but he kept his gaze trained on the fire.

“I believe it was obstruction?” His brows furrowed as he thought back to his past life.

“Obstruction? What’s that? It doesn’t sound very serious.” I added, curious.

He did look at me then, with half a smirk on the corner of his mouth. “‘Spose it means whatever the English say it does.” He shrugged and looked away once more.

“After the first flogging and on the day of the second, they were taking me to Randall when I saw my father. He’d tried to get me pardoned, but it was of no use. It was the last time I ever saw my father, his last words to me were ‘You’re a braw lad, son!’ and he kissed me on the cheek.”

“Randall told me that my father had tried to get me pardoned, but in order to do so he’d need the signature of some duke. He said even if he managed to get it he likely wouldn’t make it back in time before they flogged me. So Randall offered me a proposition.” Jamie stood again and stared into the roaring flames.

“He said ‘Give yourself to me. Make free of your body, and I will make sure there is no second flogging.’ My back was still raw after the first, I could scarcely bear my own shirt. So, I considered it. I had no real way of knowing, but I figured that being buggered would hurt a great deal less than gettin’ flogged a second time. But I could still feel my father’s kiss on my cheek… So, I couldn’t do it.” His head dipped forward, his hands scrubbing his face aggressively.

“Apparently my father was there in the audience the second time. I’d passed out after a while, due to the loss of blood. My uncle, Dougal, told me later that it was then my father had died. That he must’ve thought me dead; he made a small sound before falling to the ground, dead. Dougal said he died of a broken heart.”

I heard the break in his voice and thought I saw the glimmer of a tear roll down his cheek. I stood and made my way over to him, kneeling beside him and taking his hand in my own.

“I’m sorry, Jamie.” I said, squeezing his hand and bringing it to my lips.

He smiled and grasped my hand with his free one and finally looked me in the eye. “Och, it’s no’ your fault.”

“But to make a long story short, my friends helped me escape and I got on the first ship to America I could find. I haven’t looked back since, I only wish I could’ve said goodbye to Jenny. Said goodbye to my father’s grave.”

He shook his head and moved to stand, bringing me up along with him. “Suppose I should let ye get yer sleep, aye?” He smiled and released my hand, making to move toward the door before I stopped him.

“Stay? Just for a while?” I smiled, hoping he would agree.

He sighed and took me in his arms, holding me securely against his chest. “Alright, but only for a while.” He said before kissing the top of my head and leading both of us back towards the bed.

[vertanimeni]

ah yes. tis i. losing sleep over an mdzs oc. dunno who they are yet. but one day i will