#surprise you're addicted whether you were planning on it or not

[kerkhofbloemen]

Yeah but if you (self)medicate often enough, regularly enough, with an addictive substance, you will get addicted at some point. The show's never clear on where Dean's at with respect to that, but based on what we see, he was certainly heading into potential addiction territory at several times in the show. And so was Bobby.

I don't mean to talk out of my ass, and am saying nothing about how alcoholism works in the real world, but when it comes to the fictional world of the show I really don't think they ever meant to imply Dean has a dependency issue when it comes to alcohol. I think what the show is actually doing is using short hand for either "Dean is in a bad mental state and self medicating" or, separately and not related to that, is using alcohol as a glamorized "cowboy who can put away his liquor" shorthand. For contrast, I'm watching House right now and (regardless of if it does a good job depicting addiction, which I feel absolutely unqualified to comment on) it does want the audience to understand that House is an addict.

I think the issue is there is a lot of room to bring your own personal experiences with alcohol to interpreting the show, and obviously if those have been bad it's easy to apply that to Dean, who does drink frequently in show. As do Sam, Cas, Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, etc. I don't know why people focus in on Dean specifically, though.

I think the funniest thing about this disk horse (which I consider to be over btw—using this as a springboard for closing thoughts) is that I never said at any point that Dean has never abused alcohol. I didn't even say there's no point in the show at which he can be described as an alcoholic (Dean describes himself as one in 10.12 "About A Boy"). I didn't even say I would never believe that Dean has ever driven drunk ever in his entire life, or that headcanoning that Dean has driven drunk before at some point is somehow some horrible evil thing.

All I did was respond to mail asking me if I remembered times in the actual show where Dean was shown drunk driving, because my anon heard a claim that it is shown to us "All of the time" in the actual show, and didn't remember that, and they were looking for someone with a more recent memory who could corroborate. So I said I don't remember that happening explicitly in the show either, and invited people to provide examples if they remembered an example.

I think if the show wanted to say Dean is a frequent drunk driver— specifically—the show would show me Dean being a drunk driver. It wasn't a problem for the show to quite overtly show me Sam driving drunk in 4.09—it wasn't something they shied away from showing. If (to your point—which you are absolutely right about) alcohol is used as a signal of our characters current mental states (Bobby in 4.01, Sam in 4.09, Cas in 5.17, Dean in 10.22, etc) then there's no reason the show would refuse to simply show me Dean being a frequent drunk driver. I'd be happy to explore it if I thought frequent drunk driving was a genuine facet of Dean's character. I just don't think it is, because the show doesn't show me that. And people can say all day long that "Dean drinks a lot" + "Dean has a car and is often in the drivers seat" = "Dean is a frequent drunk driver" until they're blue in the face. I am still holding out my hand, palm up, waiting for an actual example instead of whiney voices crying and whining insisting it simply HAS to be true because they think it should be.

I think you're right at the end of the day that the show isn't worried about Dean being an alcoholic as much as the show uses upticks in each character's drinking to indicate they're going through something—you're 100% right there. I also understand and respect that some people legitimately—with well-meaning intent—want to explore Dean's relationship to alcohol, because it's absolutely in theme imo and I think there's more attention ultimately put on it with Dean than any other character (though this is not true up to season 4 in my current rewatch). I just can't say I'm sitting here wringing my hands over Dean's relationship with alcohol in the actual canon of the actual show. I'm just not. The fact is, our characters have extremely limited options in terms of coping tools, and have trauma more extensive in breadth and length and diversity than anyone in real life has experienced ever, and are almost perpetually existing in a war zone. The fact that they self-medicate in various ways in order to cope isn't remotely surprising and I don't think there's anything shameful and evil about it either especially given their circumstances and utter lack of options. I just also... don't think Dean is a frequent drunk driver.

[httpshujii]

GOOD TIME !

Rindou x f!reader

ᯓ He can't help himself around you.

"No stop- Give them back!" The sound of giggles sound distant to Rindou as he feels you get off his lap with his glasses in your hand.

It was supposed to be a peaceful evening. Ran is out of the house, meaning Rindou can peacefully enjoy some quality time with his beautiful girlfriend. But, unfortunately, you're a menace yourself.

Always teasing him about cute things he does, always addressing him as Rin Rin, that stupid nickname that Ran made when the brother's were younger, and always always always biting his cheeks for some unbeknownst reason. At least to him.

But in your defense, you can't help it. Your boyfriend is perfect. With his grumpy complexion, his chubby lil cheeks, and his monotone voice.

He always sounds and looks bored, so as the amazing and considerate girlfriend you are, you plan on throwing a pinch of entertainment into the cauldron and mix it up well.

"Attempting" to chase after you isn't that hard, despite his blurry vision, he relies on your laughs and the pat pats of your feet to navigate.

And it is his house, he can walk around without tripping with his eyes closed even. Chasing you into his and Ran's shared bedroom, he manages to grab onto your wrist. Pulling you towards him and pinning you to the wall.

Your laughs subside as he grumbles and takes the glasses from you. His furrowed brows, his reddened cheeks, and that bothered look in his eyes. About to muse out a tease towards him, but you freeze.

For some reason, you want to stop the teasing in this moment. You like that he's irritated. And noticing the position you're in, one of his hands gripping your wrist against the wall, while the other adjusts his glasses on his nose bridge.

He looks back at you and oh.

His eyes are so perfect, pools of lavender hills on a dull day. Greyed by clouds that hide the sun. Your knees weaken, clenching your legs together as you look up at him, waiting for him to make the first move.

And he doesn't disappoint when he pins up your other arm and engulfs his lips with yours, sighing into your warm mouth and inhaling the sweet essence of the chocolate you had earlier, so sweet.

Rindou's rough. He compliments you roughly, he talks to you roughly, he does everything roughly. Basically manhandling you whenever and wherever he wants.

So you're not surprised when he basically throws you onto the nearest bed and just continues shoving his tongue down your throat. He's addicted. His hands roam everywhere. From your hands, neck, chest, sides, waist, and below.

He's so good at touching you. Always giving you a good time whether he has a single finger dragging along the length of your neck, or a whole hand caressing your waist.

Your blood pumps with adrenaline, clearly aware of what's going to happen next.

"What the fuck."

Pulling away and freezing at the sound of Ran's voice. Laced with disgust and exhaustion.

"On my bed Rindou, seriously?"

And it's just then that your realize that the nearest bed to the door of the room is in fact property of the eldest Haitani.

Awkward tension sets in the room when Rindou drops his head on your shoulder and groans. Picking you up and going back to the living room. This time, throwing you on the couch and laying on top of you to bury his face in your chest and proceed to talk shit about Ran.

Speaking of Ran, he had to suffer the ticking minutes after his specific time for bed washing the sheets and replacing them with new ones even though you two were far away from doing anything, resulting in him throwing his baton at Rindou's head for causing all this trouble.

[rafesapologist]

the setback ─ rafe cameron; part six

summary: it's been two years since your departure from the outer banks and rafe cameron has seemingly convinced himself that he can go on with his life as if you never happened, except now more than ever his addiction is at an all time high. whether he was snorting lines of cocaine at wild parties or drowning himself in alcohol to numb the pain, rafe couldn't escape the memories of you. despite his efforts to bury his feelings, your absence lingered like a shadow, haunting him at every turn. meanwhile, you've been navigating life outside the outer banks, trying to carve out a new path for yourself. but no matter how far you've traveled, the memories of rafe cameron still linger in your heart, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business. as you find yourself facing new challenges and opportunities, you can't help but wonder if fate will eventually bring you back to the place where it all began.

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of drinking

author's note: ugh i'm sorry this took longer than other chapters, i've had writer's block and i went out of town for a bit

The air was heavy with the sweet scent of freshly cut grass, mingling with the faint aroma of expensive cologne and cigar smoke. The soft thud of golf clubs hitting balls echoed across the pristine lawns of the country club, a testament to the wealth and leisure of its members. Rafe and Topper stood side by side near the practice green, their faces tense with anticipation. Topper's brow furrowed in disbelief as he processed Rafe's shocking revelation.

"You're kidding me, right?" Topper's voice carried a note of incredulity as he turned to face Rafe, his eyes widening in surprise.

Rafe shook his head, a grim expression settling over his features. "I wish I was," he replied, his tone heavy with resignation. "She's back, Topper. Y/N's back."

Topper let out a low whistle, running a hand through his hair in disbelief. "Damn, man. And here I thought life was starting to get boring."

Rafe shot him a withering look, unamused by his friend's attempt at humor. "This is serious, Topper. She's with JJ now."

Topper's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "JJ? Seriously?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Man, things just keep getting more complicated around here."

Rafe nodded grimly, his jaw clenched as he contemplated the implications of your return. The tension between them was palpable, a silent acknowledgment of the turmoil brewing beneath the surface.

Rafe's voice carried a mix of astonishment and contempt, his words punctuated by a sharp exhale. "I can't believe this. Maybank? I thought she'd have some semblance of standards."

Topper leaned back in his chair, a sly grin playing at the corners of his lips as he observed Rafe's reaction. "Come on, Rafe," he drawled, his voice laced with amusement. "You can't be that shocked. Her and Maybank were pretty close, even when you two were together."

Rafe's grip tightened around his glass, the knuckles turning white as he fought to keep his composure. He shot a warning glare at Topper, his eyes flashing with a mixture of anger and hurt. "Doesn't matter," he growled, his voice low and menacing. "She's back now, and I'll make sure she remembers why she left in the first place."

Topper's face fell into an amused smirk, his eyes gleaming with curiosity as he leaned forward, genuinely interested in Rafe's plan. "And how do you plan on doing that?" he asked, his voice laced with anticipation and a hint of mischief.

Rafe leaned back, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he contemplated his plan. "I'm gonna rip them apart," he declared, his voice low and full of conviction. "Make them realize they don't belong together. And then, when she's finally free, she'll come running back to me."

Topper's eyebrows shot up in surprise, a mixture of awe and concern crossing his features. "That's a bold move, Rafe," he remarked, shaking his head slightly. "But I like it." Rafe's grin widened, a glint of determination shining in his eyes as he plotted his next move, ready to do whatever it takes to win you back.

Rafe's voice dripped with malice as he leaned in closer to Topper, his eyes glowing with a twisted glee. "I know exactly how to break her," he sneered, his lips curling into a cruel smile. "Things that will make her beg for me." A dark shadow passed over his face, revealing the depths of his deviousness.

Topper's deep, rumbling laugh broke the quiet air, accompanied by a sound of disbelief as he watched Rafe's playful antics. A small smile tugged at the corners of Topper's mouth as he raised his beer in a mock toast to his friend. "You never cease to amaze me," he chuckled, taking a swig from his bottle before setting it back down on the table with a thud. "Cheers to you, man," he added with a grin.

As Rafe's lips curled into a sly grin, the dim lights of the country club reflected in his eyes, illuminating the spark of determination within. With a confident nod, he raised his beer to his lips, savoring the crisp taste as it invigorated him for what was to come. In that moment, the chatter of the club faded into the background, replaced by the rhythmic thumping of his own heartbeat, pulsing with anticipation. With every sip, he felt the weight of his intentions settle upon his shoulders, yet it only fueled his resolve further.

As his gaze drifted into the distance, his mind danced with visions of strategy, each step meticulously planned to achieve his desired outcome. In the hushed atmosphere of the club, Rafe was a portrait of determination, ready to embark on a journey that would test the limits of his calculations and potentially change everything.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

As you sat in the room, the silence enveloped you like a thick fog, muffling the outside world and amplifying the cacophony within your mind. Hours seemed to pass unnoticed, each moment stretching into eternity as you grappled with the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to overwhelm you.

The room itself was a stark white canvas, its walls bare save for a single window that cast a pale light upon the floor. The air was still and heavy, charged with an electric tension that seemed to hum beneath your skin. And there you sat, a fragile figure perched upon the edge of the bed, lost in a sea of thoughts and memories.

The sight of Rafe, after two long years of absence, had struck you like a bolt of lightning, igniting a storm of memories that threatened to consume you whole. You couldn't help but replay moments shared with him, each one a vivid tableau painted in shades of joy, longing, and heartache.

With a heavy heart, you pulled your legs up to your chest, seeking solace in the familiar embrace of solitude. Your mind raced, flickering between moments of happiness and pain, uncertainty and yearning. It was as if time had folded in on itself, trapping you in an endless loop of what-ifs and regrets.

As you stared blankly at the wall before you, the weight of those memories pressed down on you like a leaden blanket. Each image, each whispered conversation, etched itself into your mind with painful clarity, refusing to be ignored or forgotten.

Lost in the labyrinth of your thoughts, you couldn't help but wonder what the future held in store. Would you find the strength to confront the ghosts of your past and move forward, or would you remain forever trapped in the shadows of what could have been?

The weight of guilt settled heavily upon you, a silent burden that threatened to suffocate you with its crushing embrace. It wasn't just the encounter with Rafe that had shaken you to your core; it was the raw intensity of the emotions it had dredged up from the depths of your soul.

Your friends, ever perceptive, had noticed the shift in your demeanor, the subtle changes in your laughter, the haunted look in your eyes. Among them, JJ had been the most attentive, his concern a constant presence in the background of your days. He tried to coax you out of your shell, offering small gestures of kindness and understanding, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to reach the depths of your turmoil.

And it pained him, more than he dared to admit, to see you struggling beneath the weight of your own emotions. He longed to chase away the shadows that haunted your every step, to wrap you in his arms and shield you from the storm raging inside your heart. But try as he might, he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that there was something more, something hidden beneath the surface, that eluded even his keenest gaze.

The sound of a timid knock echoed through the room, jolting you out of the labyrinth of your thoughts. With a furrowed brow and a racing heart, you turned your gaze towards the door, a sliver of curiosity piercing through the veil of your reverie. "Who is it?" you called out, your voice tinged with a mix of apprehension and intrigue.

A familiar voice, soft and gentle, floated through the wooden barrier, carrying with it a sense of warmth and familiarity that washed over you like a gentle tide. "It's me, JJ," came the whispered reply, so quiet that it was almost lost amidst the rustle of the wind outside.

With a heavy sigh, you pushed yourself off the bed, the weight of uncertainty settling like a leaden cloak upon your shoulders. With hesitant steps, you made your way to the door, your hand trembling as you reached out to grasp the handle. As you pulled it open, a rush of cool air swept into the room, carrying with it the faint scent of salt and sea.

Standing before you was JJ, his features bathed in the soft glow of twilight streaming through the window. His eyes, pools of deep blue, held a silent question, a silent plea for understanding that tugged at the strings of your heart. And as you met his gaze, a fragile connection blossomed between you, fragile yet unbreakable, binding you together in a silent embrace.

For a moment, you stood there, locked in a silent tableau, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy in the air between you. And as the seconds stretched into eternity, you realized that sometimes, the greatest truths lie not in what is said, but in the silent spaces that linger between the words.

With a faint smile, you welcomed him into the room with a soft "Hey, come in," stepping aside to allow him entry. JJ nodded his thanks and crossed the threshold, his steps carrying him towards the edge of your bed where he settled himself down, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of concern and affection.

"You haven't left your room all day, Y/N," His soft voice pierced through the silence that had consumed your room all day. You couldn't bring yourself to leave, the weight of your thoughts chaining you in place. Your hand trembled as he reached out to gently grasp it, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down your spine and grounding you in the present amidst the storm of emotions swirling inside you.

As you lowered yourself onto the bed beside him, the mattress dipped slightly under your weight. You turned to face him, his eyes speaking volumes of unspoken worry and concern. A silent plea hung heavy in the air between you, his gaze searching yours for answers.

"I know," you murmured, barely above a whisper as you struggled to find words to express the turmoil within. "It's just… being back here again, it threw me off more than I thought it would."

JJ's sigh echoed softly in the room, a somber melody that underscored the weight of your shared emotions. He sensed the unspoken truth lingering beneath your words - the invisible thread tethering you to Rafe's memory and tugging you back into the tumultuous waters of your past.

"I understand," JJ murmured, his voice tinged with empathy and apprehension. He knew how much this encounter with Rafe had affected you, stirring up a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and leaving you adrift in uncertainty. But despite the storm raging within you, JJ remained steadfast in his resolve to be your anchor - guiding you through the tempest with unwavering support and love.

"I'm here," he reassured you, his words a gentle promise woven with sincerity. "I won't let you give up like this." His declaration hung in the air, a beacon of hope amidst the darkness threatening to consume you.

But even with JJ's unwavering support, you couldn't help but feel like your past was haunting you after coming back to this island. You spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, struggling to put your feelings into words.

JJ's heart ached at the vulnerability in your voice as he reached out to gently cup your cheek, his touch a comforting anchor amidst the swirling currents of your emotions.

"What do you mean, Y/N?" he asked, his voice gentle yet filled with concern. He leaned in closer, his eyes searching yours for any hint of what you were feeling.

"I just don't feel like I'm half the girl you think I am," you confessed softly, your words heavy with self-doubt.

JJ's confusion only added to the weight of your emotions, making it harder to articulate your feelings. "What are you talking about, baby?"

Tears welled up in your eyes as you struggled to find the right words. "I've done things that were wrong, Jay," you admitted, each word feeling like a jagged edge tearing at your soul. "And… I ran away from this island just to escape my own problems. That wasn't okay." Your voice wavered as you spoke, the weight of your confession hanging heavily in the air. You felt exposed and vulnerable - but also relieved to finally have someone know the truth.

A somber expression enveloped JJ's features as he listened to your words. "If this is about Rafe and what happened between us when you were seeing him, that was well over two years ago, Y/N," he gently reassured you. "You can't punish yourself for whatever you did in the past, and besides, you two were broken up." His voice carried a comforting tone, laced with understanding and empathy, as he tried to ease the weight of your guilt.

JJ's expression softened, his eyes reflecting a mixture of compassion and contemplation as he searched your face for the right words. For a moment, silence hung heavy between you, the weight of your question lingering in the air. Finally, JJ spoke, his voice gentle yet resolute. "Y/N, forgiveness isn't about deserving or not deserving. It's about understanding and moving forward," he said, his tone carrying a depth of sincerity. "And if it were me… I'd like to think I would have found a way to forgive you."

Although he was sincere, you responded with a dry, non-humored laugh. "You would've hated me, JJ. You and I both know that."

JJ reached out, gently cupping your cheek, his touch warm and reassuring. "I could never hate you, Y/N," he said softly, his gaze unwavering as he met your eyes. "No matter what you think you've done, I'm always going to love you."

As you sought solace in JJ's comforting presence, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions swept through your mind. The echo of past grievances against Rafe clashed with the unexpected empathy that stirred within you upon seeing him again.

In the quiet depths of your soul, doubts danced like shadows, casting uncertainty over your hardened resolve. Could you truly unshackle yourself from the chains of resentment that bound you to the past? Each word JJ spoke, laced with conviction and forgiveness, tugged at the fragile threads of your resolve, threatening to unravel the carefully woven tapestry of your anger.

Yet, amidst the tumultuous storm of emotions, a flicker of compassion ignited within you. The vulnerability in Rafe's gaze, a stark contrast to the arrogance you once knew, pierced through the armor around your heart. It was a silent plea for understanding, a beacon of humanity in a sea of animosity.

With a heavy heart and a tentative smile, you attempted to convey to JJ the semblance of acceptance he sought. But deep within, the embers of resentment still smoldered, casting a shadow of doubt over the possibility of forgiveness.

"I've always loved you, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with a depth of emotion that resonated deep within you. In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of his embrace, you felt a sense of belonging that transcended words.

With a forced smile, you gazed into JJ's eyes, hoping he wouldn't see through the facade you had carefully crafted. "I love you too, Jay," you repeated, the words hollow and empty, yet spoken with a practiced ease that belied the turmoil raging within. As you spoke the words, you hoped they would serve as a shield, deflecting the raw emotions that threatened to engulf you both. You wanted to believe them, to convince yourself that everything was fine, but deep down, doubts gnawed at the edges of your consciousness.

JJ's soft smile faltered for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty passing over his features before he cleared his throat and spoke up again. His words hung in the air, laden with a sense of hesitation that caught your attention.

"Oh, I also forgot to tell you," he began, his voice tinged with a hint of apprehension, "I got us our jobs back at the golf course."

"You did what?" Your eyes widened in horror, and you shot up from the bed so fast it almost made JJ flinch. The words hung heavy in the air, your mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. Working at the golf course meant revisiting a part of your past you had worked so hard to leave behind. It was a place filled with memories - both good and bad - that still had the power to shake you to your core.

JJ's expression softened as he watched your reaction, his own uncertainty reflecting in his eyes. He knew how difficult this news was for you, but he also believed that facing your fears head-on might bring some closure.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice gentle yet firm. "I thought it might be good for us, you know? To get back into the swing of things."

You took in a deep breath as you paced the floor, trying to collect your thoughts amidst the whirlwind of emotions. "Well, when are we supposed to start, JJ?" you asked, your voice tinged with apprehension.

JJ scratched the back of his head nervously, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before meeting yours. "Uh, tomorrow," he replied, his tone hesitant. "I know it's a lot to take in, but I thought we could use the distraction, you know?"

You scoffed in disbelief as you continued pacing the bedroom, shaking your head continuously as you confronted your boyfriend. "I can't believe you did this, JJ. We could've gotten a job anywhere, and you chose the golf course?"

JJ seemed taken aback by your outburst, shifting uncomfortably under your gaze. "Why are you so upset about working there? Is it because of Rafe?" he asked cautiously, his brow furrowing in concern.

You paused, feeling a surge of anger and frustration at the mention of Rafe's name. Turning on your heel to face JJ, you felt your heart pounding with intensity. "I can't believe you'd say that, especially after the conversation we just had," you exclaimed, your voice laced with a mix of disbelief and disappointment.

JJ's jaw dropped as he looked up at you, his brows furrowing in confusion and frustration. "Well, it's not a far-fetched guess, Y/N!" he exclaimed, his tone edged with frustration. "I mean, why else would you care so much about working there?"

Your voice rose with frustration as you confronted JJ, the pent-up emotions finally boiling over. "Why do you think everything is about Rafe?" you exclaimed, your tone edged with exasperation. "Maybe I didn't like working there, or maybe it's because I fucking outgrew the place when we stopped working there two damn years ago, JJ!"

JJ's eyes widened in surprise at the intensity of your words, his expression shifting from confusion to realization. "Y/N, I'm sorry," he said softly, his voice tinged with regret. "I didn't mean to assume..."

You shoved his hand away, a pang of hurt flashing across JJ's features as he watched you withdraw. "Look, I'm not doing this with you right now, Jay," you said firmly, holding your hands up in defense as you backed away. "I can't handle another fight or argument with anyone, especially you. I just need to be alone right now."

JJ's expression fell, the hurt evident in his eyes as he nodded silently, understanding your need for space. "Okay," he said quietly, his voice tinged with disappointment. "I'll... give you some space."

With a silent nod, you met JJ's gaze, a faint apologetic expression softening your features. Wordlessly, you turned on your heel and made your way out of the bedroom, the weight of the unresolved tension heavy on your shoulders. As you left JJ behind, the air between you thick with unspoken words, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt that gnawed at your conscience.

Sarah bounced up from the couch, her eyes sparkling with excitement as she eagerly awaited your response. "Hey! Guess where we are going tonight?" she chirped, her voice filled with an infectious energy that lifted your spirits.

You couldn't help but be drawn in by her enthusiasm, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you watched her. "Where are we going tonight?" you asked, genuinely curious now, grateful for the distraction from your earlier argument with JJ.

Sarah's eyes lit up with excitement as she practically bounced on her feet, her smile infectious. "A party!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with enthusiasm.

You couldn't help but feel a surge of curiosity, mixed with a tinge of apprehension. "But aren't we supposed to be keeping a low profile?" you questioned, furrowing your brow in concern.

Sarah waved off your concerns with a dismissive gesture, a playful smirk playing at her lips. "We'll be fine," she assured you, her tone laced with a hint of mischief.

You pondered her words for a moment, weighing the potential consequences of going against John B's wishes. The temptation of a night of carefree fun was hard to resist, and Sarah's infectious enthusiasm was even harder. "Okay," you relented, a small smile spreading across your lips as you agreed.

A squeal of delight escaped Sarah's lips as she threw her arms around you, enveloping you in a warm embrace. "Yay!" she cheered, her voice filled with joy and excitement. "This is going to be so much fun, Y/N!"

The tension eased from your body as you returned her hug, the warmth of her embrace a soothing balm on your frayed nerves. In that moment, the troubles of the past seemed to fade into the background, replaced by a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose.

You pulled away slightly, shooting Sarah a playful grin as you met her gaze. "Let's get ready, then!" you exclaimed, matching her enthusiasm as you grabbed her hand and led her towards the bathroom.

You spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready for the party, a welcome distraction from the heaviness that had weighed on you all day. The excitement buzzed in the air, a palpable sense of anticipation building as you and Sarah prepared yourselves for the night ahead.

With each passing moment, you felt the tension and stress melting away, replaced by a sense of eager anticipation for the evening. And as the sun began to set, painting the sky in a symphony of hues, you couldn't help but wonder what awaited you at the party.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

A myriad of emotions coursed through your veins, the energy of the crowd fueling your own enthusiasm. You couldn't help but be swept up in the contagious spirit of the party, the music thrumming through your body as you swayed along to the beat.

The pulsating lights and pounding bass of the music blurred the edges of your perception, enveloping you in a euphoric haze. You moved to the rhythm with a sense of abandon, feeling the music course through your veins like a drug. Sarah danced beside you, her laughter mingling with the beat as you lost yourself in the moment, surrendering to the intoxicating atmosphere of the party.

As you swayed to the music, you leaned in close to Sarah, the excitement evident in your voice despite the cacophony around you. "I'm gonna go get another drink!" you exclaimed, your words punctuated by the pulsating beat. Sarah flashed you a thumbs up, her own energy mirroring yours as she continued dancing to the rhythm.

As you weaved through the pulsating crowd, the thumping bass reverberating through your body, you felt a surge of energy coursing through you. The dim lights danced around you, casting fleeting shadows that seemed to move in time with the music. With each step, you felt the weight of the world lift from your shoulders, replaced by a sense of liberation and exhilaration.

At the bar, you leaned against the counter, catching the eye of the bartender amidst the chaos. "Another round, please!" you called out, your voice barely audible above the din of the music. The bartender nodded in acknowledgment, swiftly preparing your drink as you scanned the room, taking in the sea of faces illuminated by the neon glow.

Leaning casually against the polished surface of the bar counter, you let your gaze wander aimlessly across the pulsating crowd. The flickering lights cast a kaleidoscope of colors across the room, painting the scene in vibrant hues that danced in time with the music. You tapped your fingers lightly against the edge of the counter, the rhythm of the song seeping into your bones as you swayed gently to its melody.

As you waited for your drink to arrive, you found yourself lost in the moment, humming along to the familiar tune playing overhead. The thumping bass reverberated through the floor, sending vibrations up your legs and into your core. It was as if the music had woven itself into the very fabric of the room, enveloping you in its infectious energy. Amidst the chaos of the party, you felt a sense of calm wash over you, a fleeting moment of tranquility amidst the frenzy. The laughter and chatter of the crowd faded into the background as you allowed yourself to be swept away by the music, letting it carry you to a place of pure bliss.

With your drink in hand, you turned back towards the pulsating crowd, ready to lose yourself once again in the rhythm of the music. But as you took a step forward, your gaze lifted, and you froze in your tracks.

There, just a few feet away, stood a familiar figure, his tall stature commanding attention even amidst the throng of partygoers. Surrounded by his friends, he seemed completely at ease, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips as he engaged in conversation.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you locked eyes with him, a rush of conflicting emotions washing over you. It was as if the chaos of the party faded into the background, leaving only the two of you in a suspended moment of recognition.

Your heart quickened its pace as you struggled to maintain your composure, your grip on your drink tightening involuntarily. Every fiber of your being urged you to look away, to flee from the intensity of his gaze. But something kept you rooted to the spot, unable to tear your eyes away from his.

In that moment, surrounded by the pulsing music and the swirling crowd, you found yourself inexplicably drawn to him, the pull of his presence undeniable despite the distance between you. With a steadying breath, you braced yourself for what was to come, knowing that this encounter would change everything.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you watched him weave through the crowd, each movement drawing him closer to where you stood. The dim lights of the party cast shadows across his features, highlighting the familiar contours of his face as he neared.

Time seemed to slow as he finally reached you, his presence enveloping you in a wave of nostalgia and uncertainty. You couldn't tear your gaze away from him, captivated by the intensity of his eyes as they met yours.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" His voice broke through the haze of the party, pulling you back to the present moment. The sound of his voice sent a shiver down your spine, stirring memories of shared moments and whispered promises.

"I... I'm just here with Sarah," you replied, your voice barely audible above the music. His proximity made it difficult to focus, his presence eliciting a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within you.

He nodded in understanding, his expression inscrutable as he took in your response. "I see," he murmured, his voice carrying a hint of something you couldn't quite decipher. You found yourself caught in his gaze, unable to look away as he spoke.

"Rafe... I," your words caught in your throat as you struggled to find the right thing to say. Meeting his gaze, you searched for the courage to speak, to convey the torrent of emotions swirling inside you.

"Yeah?" Rafe prompted softly, his eyes searching yours for answers.

"I'm sorry about the other day," you attempted to apologize with sincerity although your words slurred some, "it was just a shock to see you.""

You watched as Rafe's shoulders relaxed a bit, his features easing from their initial tension. "It's alright," he said quietly, his gaze softening as he met your eyes. "I guess I should've expected to see you back here eventually."

You held your silence as you peered up at him momentarily with a doe-eyed look gazing up at him, silently pleading for his forgiveness. Although the room around you was still spinning, you intently watched as his azure colored eyes flickered back and forth between yours, as if he was trying to find some truth to your words.

Rafe's expression softened further as he looked down at you, a hint of vulnerability shining in his eyes. "I've missed you," he admitted quietly, his voice barely audible over the music.

As his words hung in the air, the chaos of the party seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of suspended time. The confession tugged at your heart, stirring up feelings you had buried deep within yourself.

"I've missed you too," you whispered, the words slipping out before you could stop them. The raw honesty of the moment enveloped you both, weaving a fragile thread of connection between your intertwined pasts and uncertain futures.

Rafe reached out tentatively, his hand hovering in the space between you as if seeking permission. Without hesitation, you closed the gap, letting his fingers intertwine with yours. It felt like coming home after a long journey, a sense of familiarity and warmth flooding through your veins.

In that fleeting moment of contact, a wave of memories flooded your mind - the shared laughter, stolen kisses, and whispered promises that once filled your days with joy. The weight of unspoken words hung heavy in the air, begging to be released into the fragile space between you. Rafe's gaze bore into yours, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears as if mirroring the emotions swirling within you.

With a deep breath, you mustered the courage to break the silence that had settled between you. "I never stopped loving you," the words spilled out in a whisper, carrying a lifetime of regrets and longing.

Rafe's grip on your hand tightened ever so slightly, a silent acknowledgment of the feelings he had buried deep within himself. "I thought about you every day," he confessed, his voice barely above a murmur.

Tears welled up in your eyes as the weight of unspoken truths lifted off your shoulders, leaving behind a bittersweet ache for all the time lost. The music continued to play in the background, a gentle melody underscoring the intensity of the moment between you and Rafe. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring you both back together, allowing a second chance at love to bloom amidst the chaos of the party swirling around you.

As you stood there, hand in hand with Rafe, the distance that had once seemed insurmountable now felt like a mere whisper of a forgotten past. The years apart melted away, leaving behind a sense of familiarity and yearning that echoed in the depths of your souls.

"I don't want to lose you again," Rafe's voice broke through the silence, his words laced with a vulnerability that pierced through your defenses. His gaze held yours, pleading for a chance to make things right, to rewrite the story that had been left unfinished between you.

In that moment, surrounded by the haunting melody of the music and the weight of their shared unspoken truths, you felt a sense of hope blossoming within you. The years of heartache and longing seemed to fade into nothingness as you found yourself gazing into Rafe's eyes, seeing the same yearning reflected back at you.

“So much has changed since I left, Rafe. I..I’m with JJ now,” A flicker of pain crossed Rafe's face at your words, his grip on your hand tightening momentarily before he forced himself to relax. "I see," he replied softly, though the turmoil in his eyes was impossible to conceal. You could sense the flood of emotions swirling beneath the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment.

As you watched Rafe struggle to maintain his composure, a pang of regret washed over you. The complexities of the situation weighed heavily on your heart, torn between the past that still held a piece of your soul and the present that offered a different kind of solace.

"I'm sorry, Rafe," you whispered, the words heavy with an unspoken apology for the wounds you had inadvertently reopened. His gaze softened as he looked at you, a mix of understanding and heartbreak clouding his features.

"It's okay," Rafe said, his voice tinged with resignation. "I should have expected as much."

The air between you grew heavy with unspoken words and unresolved emotions, creating a rift that felt impossible to bridge. You searched for the right words to ease the tension that lingered between you, yearning for a way to mend what had been broken so long ago.

"I never wanted to hurt you," you confessed, the weight of guilt settling heavily on your shoulders. Rafe's gaze softened upon hearing your words, a flicker of empathy shining through the hurt in his eyes.

"I know," he replied quietly, his voice laced with a mixture of pain and acceptance. "We both made mistakes, Y/N. That's in the past now." Silence enveloped you once more, the weight of unspoken apologies and regrets hanging in the air like a heavy shroud. The music continued to pulse around you, a stark contrast to the stillness that had settled between you and Rafe.

"I should go," Rafe said suddenly, his voice breaking through the quiet that had descended upon you both. His fingers slipped out of yours, leaving a ghost of warmth in their wake. You watched as he turned to leave, his shoulders hunched with the weight of unresolved emotions. As he reached the doorway, he paused, his back still turned to you.

"I'll always care about you," Rafe's voice drifted back to you, heavy with emotion. And then, without another word, he was gone.

You stood there for a moment, the echo of his words ringing in your ears. The truth in them was undeniable, a bittersweet reminder of what once was between you. With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes and let the music wash over you, its melody a poignant backdrop to the ache in your heart.

As the party continued on around you, laughter and chatter filling the air, you found yourself lost in memories of a time when things had been different between you and Rafe. A time when love had bloomed instead of withered, when promises had meant something more than just words.

But now, all that was left were shattered fragments of what could have been. The weight of regret settled in the pit of your stomach as you replayed the moments of the past that led to this heartbreaking present. The music that once brought joy now felt like a cruel reminder of happier times, mocking the emptiness that consumed you.

Lost in your thoughts, you barely noticed when a familiar voice interrupted the melancholy symphony playing in your mind. "Y/N?" The voice was hesitant, almost tentative, pulling you back to reality. You turned to see Rafe standing before you, uncertainty written across his features.

"I couldn't leave without saying this," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "I still love you, Y/N. Despite everything that has happened, my feelings for you never truly faded." His words hung in the air between you, heavy with raw emotion.

Tears stung at the corners of your eyes, emotions swirling within you like a tumultuous storm. Rafe's confession left you speechless, the weight of his words crashing over you like a tidal wave. Despite the ache in your heart, a glimmer of hope flickered within you at his declaration. You searched his eyes, seeing the genuine vulnerability and longing in them.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you both stood there, enveloped in a bubble of unresolved emotions and unspoken words. The sounds of the party faded into the background, leaving only the two of you in a world of your own making.

Finally finding your voice, you reached out a trembling hand towards him, unsure of what the future held but unwilling to let go of this fragile chance at reconciliation. "Rafe," you whispered, your voice barely audible above the music. "I never stopped loving you either."

His eyes widened in surprise, as if not daring to believe that your feelings mirrored his own. Without another word, he stepped closer to you, closing the distance between you until there was barely a breath of space separating your bodies. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the electric tension between you and Rafe.

In that moment, it felt as if all the pain and heartache of the past melted away, overshadowed by the overwhelming rush of emotion that surged through you. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down your spine, a familiar yet long-forgotten sensation.

Rafe's gaze never wavered from yours as he slowly raised his hand to cup your cheek, his touch gentle yet firm. Every nerve in your body tingled at his proximity, at the unspoken promise that hung in the air between you.

Without a word, you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes as if savoring the feeling of his hand against your skin. It was as if the world had finally righted itself, as if all the pieces that had been scattered were falling back into place.

And in that stolen moment of quiet intimacy, with your heart beating wildly in your chest, Rafe's lips met yours in a tender yet fervent kiss. It was a merging of souls, a culmination of years of longing and regret, all encapsulated in the simple act of their lips meeting. The world around you ceased to exist as you melted into each other, the weight of past grievances lifting off your shoulders with each passing second.

As the kiss deepened, it was as if time itself had rewound, bringing you back to a place where love was pure and uncomplicated. The doubts and fears that had plagued your mind just moments ago faded into oblivion, replaced by a sense of completeness that only Rafe could bring.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and dazed, there was a softness in Rafe's eyes that you hadn't seen in years. It was a look of understanding and forgiveness, a silent promise of starting anew. "I've missed you," Rafe whispered, his voice barely audible yet filled with a depth of emotion that resonated within you. His words hung in the air, echoing the unspoken longing that had lingered between you for so long.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you searched his gaze, finding solace and hope reflected back at you. It was a moment of vulnerability and truth, where all the barriers you had built around your heart crumbled in the face of his sincerity.

"I've missed you too," you whispered back, your voice barely above a breath as if afraid to break the fragile magic that had enveloped you both.

Rafe's thumb brushed away a tear that escaped down your cheek, his touch gentle and reassuring. In that simple gesture, you found a sense of peace that had eluded you for years. In the quiet hum of the night, with nothing but the soft rustle of leaves outside the window, Rafe drew you closer into his embrace. The warmth of his touch seeped into your skin, chasing away the remnants of doubt and uncertainty that lingered within you.

As you rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, a sense of belonging washed over you. It was a feeling that transcended words, a silent understanding that had been forged through years of shared moments and untold secrets.

The sound of his voice lulled you into a peaceful state, his words echoing the unspoken feelings that lay dormant within you.

"I'm sorry," Rafe murmured, his tone laced with remorse. "For everything."

You nodded against his chest, the movement barely perceptible. "I know," you replied, your voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry too."

The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of regret and forgiveness. With the music pulsating around you, you clung to him as if afraid to let go, knowing that this was a moment you would carry with you forever.

taglist: @rrosiitas, @champomiel, @vadinaleme, @kys4-20, @gills-lounge, @allsmilesreally7, @sublimepenguinpeach-blog, @sp00ky-spr1te, @bibliophilewednesday, @haroldpotterson, @i-love-rafe, @ellesalazar, @calmoistorm, @abundantxadorations, @fals3-g0d, @gillybear17, @oiiviagrande, @hockeybabe87,

@augustlikesdeath, @wpdailyminimeta, @palmwinemami, @loxleys-blog, @ikisscline, @flyestvenustrap, @ilovesteveharrngton, @ijustwanttoreadlols, @fastlovela, @wickedlovely121, @fals3-g0d, @givemylovetoall, @lucfics, @briefwinnerpersonaturtle, @maybankslover, @peachy4u2, @hockeybabe87, @yeosxxx, @zizouu23, @h34rtsformilli, @maybankslover, @yawnzshit, @rubixgsworld, @tsumudoll

[nerdygaymormon]

This conference was really hard for me and I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Pres Nelson and Oaks' talks really made me reevaluate my place in the church and whether or not I want to be here anymore as a queer person. It just feels like everyone just wants us to leave so they can go on pretending the plan of salvation isn't presented in a way that writes out lgbtq people and does so cheerfully.

I also suffer from an eating disorder and when I tried to explain to my older sister in her late twenties that what president nelson said was hurtful, she told me that "well if food is your god, then you are offending the lord because it should just be Jesus. addiction is when something replaces god for you" which made me feel really discouraged and ashamed. Even though I know having an addiction isn't like that logically it still stung. I don't know. Basically I just want to say thanks for being honest about conference because I can't be at home. You're words have brought me a lot of comfort.

Back in the day I used to read blogs of queer Mormons, and they usually followed a similar arc. They were newly home from their mission and then had to grapple with the fact their queerness didn't go away. Things would start very faithful with a commitment to always be an active member, and would progress to them being more critical of the church and then no more entries.

Those blogs meant a lot to me because there was someone like me, but their story wasn't the same as mine.

When I started this blog, one of my goals was to write honestly about what it's like to exist in this space. I thought that one day historians would be interested in what it was like to be a queer person living through this period of LDS history. What did queer people at that time think, feel, and experience? What surprised me is that some currently-living people were interested in what I share.

It's always tempting to put a positive spin on things, to present myself in the best light, like I have everything figured out, but that's not reality. Sharing about being suicidal, crying about how hard therapy was for my social anxiety, my experience with reparative therapy, and how I was hurt by something said in General Conference are very much a part of this experience of being a queer Latter-day Saint, that's why I write about them in my blog.

Sometimes I worry I'm being too raw, too open, too negative, that I share too much. Your message is a good reminder that it's important to be honest so that we can see we aren't alone. Our stories have power! The power to help each other and the power to change the hearts of others.

———————————————————

I'm sorry you don't have family who you can talk to about these things. I don't either. Having a few close friends I can message about hard things is important to me and I hope you have some in your life.

———————————————————

What was said about eternal marriage isn't new, and I've built up some callouses to it, but to have it emphasized like it was in General Conference still hurts, especially how President Nelson linked queerphobic statements with "think Celestial."

Calling people sinners because they deal with mental health issues, like eating disorders, was unexpected and pierced me as I hadn't built up my guard against such rhetoric. Since I shared my reaction on social media, I've received many comments like your sister's.

President Nelson was a heart surgeon. Would he believe that people with heart issues were offending God, that they were worshiping their heart problem instead of God? What the heck?!! It doesn't make sense. Many people dealing with hard things turn to God for help.

I'm pretty sure God wants to help heal us. I don't think our personal trials offend Him. If anything, He hurts with us and for us. Jesus invites healing, not shame.

These "addictions" that President Nelson attacked are ways a person's mind and body try to cope with hard things. My mental health challenges come from being a queer Latter-day Saint and are ways my body & mind have coped with the emotional trauma and dissonance. So many queer folks have eating disorders and anxiety disorders. I'm glad our bodies protect us from worse consequences, but it sucks that this is a common result for queer people who try to be religious. Most non-queer members don't recognize there is a high cost to be paid by us, and I want them to know these are the fruits of the anti-queer teachings and policies

Please know you are loved. There is an online community of queer Mormons who know what you're feeling and who are pulling for you. If you need help, there are resources

please visit these if you are queer and need help:

Only to age 24: @trevorproject@utahtrevorproject (Utah) @encircletogether (Utah)

In Utah: @flourishtherapyinc @celebratetherapy

Active LDS: @liftandloveorg (national&online)

National: @glaad @988lifeline (involves law enforcement)

[chodzacaparodia]

Don't worry about late replies because I'm the same 😭 And yes, hahah, I didn't expect a master's thesis with tables, but I appreciate the dedication ♡♡♡

Maybe I'll start by highlighting the series that we can also talk about, because I've seen them too hahaha

I marked in red the series that I have seen in their entirety or am up to date with, and in yellow the ones that I stopped watching after a certain season (don't mind that this is all crooked, I edited it in messenger in a message to myself 😭)

And I also plan to start My Love Story!! soon, because I've been wanting to for a long time and I saw that it's on Netflix, so I have more motivation :')

As for the music, one of the many reasons why my answer is so late was because I wanted to listen to it all :') And when I played the soundtrack from Mugen Train, I tried to write my one fic 💀 And I'll say this, it was fun to listen to haha. I really vibed to it!I think I should play soundtracks more often for writing, I used to be addicted to The Death Cure Soundtrack and Harry Potter or Game of Thrones, it's also very good for me. Because of you ('cause you're making me want listening to soundtracks lmao) I also played the Fruits Basket Soundtrack and ahhhh the poetry 🤌🏻

Yeah, I'm at a loss for words for what happened with spotify wrapped in this year.. that's sucks

Hahaha, I totally did not expect such statistics, I'm impressed!

But I must tell you that you are completely wrong!

Why?

Do you really think that if we both listen to, e.g. bling bang bang born, I would be like "yeah i mean i guess it's alright"??? GIRL, I can't listen to this song without doing a mental (or real) dance lmaoo. This song is too good and it keeps popping up randomly in my head!

Before I move on to the rest of the openings, a quick comment on the instrumental versions/your weeb songs. This is probably where you would lose uput shit if we listened together hahahah. Because I would be like "shhhh, I'm really experiencing these songs!!!" Like, vibing so strong that it fills my whole body. (and as for Bubble, yes, I agree, the movie was average, tbh I don't remember much of it, but thanks for reminding me that at least the music is good lmao).

Tbh, I can't express more about such songs in the instrumental version, whether I like something more or less, because they are simply good. I have the impression that everything sounds good in the instrumental version :')

So, well, anyway, back to your top picks! You've probably already guessed what my opinion about the Mashle's OP hahah.

I won't comment on MHA, because we've already had this conversation :') (but idk if I wrote to you before, probably not lmao. Back then I write that I don't like Merry Go Round, but recently it randomly popped up on Spotify, I listened to it, and somehow I liked this song better than when I watched MHA hahah. The OP itself didn't encourage me to listen to the whole thing, but when I finally heard the full version, I liked this song more!)

You also know that the OP from Demon Slayer that you mentioned is my favorite from this anime :')

And what about JJK?? I absolutely love this song! Specialz, like Bling bang bang born pops up randomly in my head. I often randomly sing "You're my special" 😭. When I was at a coldrain concert (you may not know them, because it's a metalcore band, but they have a few songs for animd openings) this year, during a break between supports, some people next to me started talking about JJK and a girl asked so loudly what the openings were with JJK, because she forgot. And then I jumped out and sang "You are my special" 😭😭😭

Lost in paradise is so classic!! Also a song that is hard not to dance to. Since we're talking about JJK, I also love Ao No Sumika (S2 OP1) by Tatsuya Kitani (just... Tatusya Kitani 🤌🏻 speaking of him, I'm SO addicted to Oshi no ko OP2 and they did recently The first take of Fatale and this is amazing!!!), give it back (S1 ED2) and Akari (S2 ED1)

I'm surprised you watched Sign of Affection and didn't mention the opening 😭😭 GIRL, is this song amazing??? I love Novelbright 😭😭

I hope I finally wrote everything I wanted to write :')

so well, what anime have you watched and what anime songs have you added? 🙈

my god i am so sorry it took this long for me to answer this!! ya girl has been super busy and exhausted from life tbh. but i am finally back home and trying to catch up with all the things i need to do ;-; starting with this ask!

my anime watched (on a google spreadsheet lmao):

i think the total is 25! there are some that i kinda watched in passing while my sister had it on the tv and i just happened to be nearby, but for these i only count the ones that i actively paid attention to. definitely not as many as a well-versed weeb but i can no longer call myself a beginner either lmao.

i only have music from the following animes: demon slayer, my hero academia, attack on titan, jujutsu kaisen, assassination classroom, mashle, paradox live (unfortunately 😵‍💫). i have the opening theme of my happy marriage and the instrumental of the ending but i feel like that barely counts. some of the ones i have from demon slayer are like instrumental/characters theme covers that other people make cause i don't think the official ost is released on spotify and any osts uploaded on youtube get taken down sooner or later 😔 (mugen train i'm referring to you 😩 you didn't ask but i have so many favs from the ost [tracks 21 {tanjiro vs. enmu}-25, 27-30, 32-33 {rengoku vs. akaza}])

currently only 36 songs in my weeb playlist, but there are definitely songs i know that i just haven't saved! either cause i don't like it enough to save or cause i don't actively think about saving anime music when i initially hear it lol :") or cause it's not on spotify and i'm too lazy to download locally. i only saved a bunch of MHA stuff recently because you sent me that ask about it a while ago LMAO

i wish i could pull together my own spotify wrapped-esque graphics since this year's sucked BALLS (i heard they laid off a bunch of their staff and used ai for the wrapped this year. ugh). but for the stats themselves, looks like songs (lyrics) vs. instrumentals/themes (no lyrics) is split ~60/40. some of these songs with lyrics i would definitely forfeit for the instrumentals if were actually on spotify (e.g. some of the paralive stuff... the rapping is sooo cringe but the beats are sooo good 😭)

some of my personal no-skip themes that are in my playlist:

mashle: bling bang bang born (of course. iconic for a reason. also in my gym playlist cause of the fast tempo LMAO)

jjk: specialz, lost in paradise (the trumpet?? ugh i am gagged)

demon slayer: kizuna no kiseki (swordsmith village opening... so good this shit almost makes me cry idk why), zohakuten/hantengu theme

mha: dakara hitori ja nai, shout baby, rokutosei, flowers by asian kung fu generation INSTRUMENTAL (from that deku/rody montage scene in world heroes mission. the singing did not do it for me but the strings and the guitar by themselves?? chef's kiss. no notes. literal perfection. esp the last 2 minutes of the instrumental, with the slow buildup to the star of the show, the electric guitar?? brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectac-)

WEEB songs i listen to when i need to lock in while doing my godforsaken call reports at work (i normally work most efficiently when i have one song on loop for like an hour or so until they all get done. almost always an instrumental, even if not a weeb one lmao):

flowers instrumental - asian kung fu generation (mentioned above. truly a masterpiece of a composition) [mha]

eren zahyo - hiroyuki sawano (goat fr. in particular the last minute and a half always gets me so emotional because of the end of S2 where erwin talks about getting closer to finding out the truth. i literally search it up on youtube sometimes and watch just to feel something) [aot]

attack on d - hiroyuki sawano (the childish singing is a little weird to me but the rest of the composition is so good that i can overlook it. also this played while eren/mikasa basically confessed to each other and that moment will forever be etched into my mind. sOBS) [aot]

more than words instrumental - hitsujibungaku (literally 11/10 without the singing. i'm sorry but with the melodies and the voices "it's so bad i want to give it a zero" 😭) [jjk]

ao no sumika instrumental - tatsuya kitani (the first 10 secs always hits idk) [jjk]

uta to hibiki - hiroyuki sawano [this was from a movie called bubble. the movie itself was mid {like a watered down little mermaid essentially} but hiroyuki sawano always hits it out the park with the music]

i'm sorry, you probably never intend to receive a 25-page master thesis when you put these asks in my inbox and here i am rambling on into oblivion about my extremely particular music tastes 💀 like i'm just imagining we listen to the same song and you're like "yeah i mean i guess it's alright" meanwhile i'm over here losing my goddamn mind LMAO. i think different songs just attach to people's brains differently. but this was fun to answer and i appreciate you sending this ask! curious to know if any of my top picks are also yours!!

[kseung]

Wednesday Addams x Reader

Coffeen't

Requested.

Warnings: Coffee addiction :(, none more tho

Words: HC-126~, Drabble-844~, Both: 970~

I didn't know whether to write the HC or the Drabble, so I did both.

HC:

•You love coffee

•You love coffee

•Yet, you love Wednesday more

•It's an addiction, honestly

•At first, Wednesday was glad you weren't being soul-sucked by the abyss that social media is

•But that was NOT better than finding out you, at most, get 3 hours of sleep

•And why? Coffee!

•She tries to get you to sleep at less-demonic hours

•Shes is not able to

•Hardest challenge ever

•Hyde? Trainer boss. You? Final boss.

•She tried to get you decaf coffee once. Never again.

•Bit by bit, you started drinking less coffee

•But you still weren't having 5 hours minimum, so she created a plan. Once you knew you wouldn't reject

•"Cuddle me."

•"What?"

•"Cuddle. Me. Don't make me repeat it."

•So you did.

•Best sleep ever.

Drabble:

You love coffee. You really love coffee. Everyone knew. Even those who weren't your friends. It was evident. Every day you are seen drinking at least 2 coffees. Americano, you say, but with the number of extra shots in there maybe it doesn't count as an Americano anymore.

—You should stop drinking that much coffee.

You looked at Wednesday, almost offended. Enid and Ajax eyed you for a while before returning to whatever lovey-dovey stuff they were doing. She stared, trying to intimidate you. As a challenge, she took your coffee so it could be safely away from you.

—I will not. You drink quads, little hypocrite. You're not so good yourself.

—Say that again and I'll break your hands.

—I mean, you sure love it when I-

She elbowed your side with force, making your grin become bigger. She knows how to kick ass. And it showed. You tried not to make it so obvious that you were in a bit of pain.

—No need to be so violent in public, Wednesday. We can leave that to your room if you-

She gave you your stupid coffee so you could shut up.

•••••

—I'm relieved you are not being indoctrinated by the endless pit of darkness social media is, but, please, stop drinking so much coffee! I can't tell now what I'd dislike more.

—It's not that bad!

—"It's not that bad", you say? You barely sleep 3 hours.

—I wouldn't sleep much anyway, you know.

—You still shouldn't drink that much coffee. It only gives you anxiety.

—At least it gives me mild anxiety. I wouldn't be able to live your life. It'd stress me out too much. Maybe I'd end up drinking double the coffee I do now.

—Don't be difficult.

—I'm just tryna defend my habit.

—Stupidly so—, Wednesday said. You agreed, smiling. It made her annoyed, which made you want to laugh.

—I won't drink more coffee today, don't worry about it.

She eyed you, and nodded. Classes were just continuing, so you went your separate ways.

•••••

You tried. You really tried. But "you really liked the taste," that's what you said. Perhaps it was only the chemical effect of caffeine on your body, or the addiction you were quite sure you had developed.

—I made this one with milk, and just one espresso. It's barely coffee—, you sulked. Wednesday wasn't as annoyed.

—At least you considered your health this time.

You hadn't...

—Yeah... well. As much as I like coffee, I know I should drink more water—.You shrugged and continued drinking. Wednesday sighed.

•••••

After some days of trying to drink less coffee, sleeping earlier, and having decaf, nothing changed. Your sleep schedule was that bad. It made you laugh in pity.

—I swear that if you don't sleep anytime soon I'll be the one putting you to sleep. Permanently.

You jumped in surprise. You hadn't expected Wednesday to wake up. Your head was too busy buried down in a book to check if she was asleep. You closed the book, placing it softly on your desk. When you turned around Wednesday was already glaring at you while sitting up.

—Sorry. I couldn't sleep.

You got up, slowly pushing your chair so it'd be put away. You toned down your lamp until it barely illuminated. It was nice having something other than darkness once in a while.

—It's 2:47 a.m. Lie down. Here—. She moved to her left a bit, then placing her right hand on top of your bedding.

That was an odd invitation, but maybe it was just because; it was your dorm, not hers, which meant no Enid; you had no roommate, so it was peaceful there. It meant she could be the tiniest bit more emotional when she was there.

—Right up.

You weren't complaining about that. Usually, when Wednesday stayed the night, she'd sleep on your bed and not question when and where you slept. You just had some naps here and there, on the desk chair. But she had no business knowing that.

You laid down next to her, stiff like a corpse next to another corpse.

—Loosen up. You won't ever sleep if you stay like that—, she said. Weird. It's odd seeing her be caring. —Else, I'd have no option but to hold you until you sleep.

—Are you saying you will cuddle with me, Wednesday?—, you asked playfully.

She responded with silence, as usual when you tease her. You kept silent too, staring at what you could, barely, make out of the ceiling. You heard a faint "hmm" before you felt an arm wrap itself around you, as light as a feather. You saw Wednesday staring back at you, clearly embarrassed. It was lovely.

You turned to your side, making her see your back. But of course, only to have her hug you tighter. You held her hand in yours as she embraced you. You beat her to her own game despite being tired now.

—No words. Night.

—Sleep well.

That you did, thanks to your very sweet girlfriend.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Esspresso cookie with a s/o who's determined to drag him to bed and lay on him till he falls asleep? (Local caffeine addict needs rest, dang it!)

"Sleep? Nonsense. I do not require it."

"Says who?"

"Obviously me." Espresso looked at you with a somewhat miffed expression, since this is now the second time he's been interrupted. "Look, I understand your worries, dear. But I'm close to finishing this chapter on advanced coffee magic. Once I'm done I'll join you."

"And how many more pages are left?"

"....I'll read faster if that makes you feel better."

"I'll feel better when you put down the book. Nobody's gonna steal it."

"Of course not, but I'd rather absorb all this information now than later. I don't like to leave a chapter unfinished."

His gaze returned to his spellbook, which levitated in the air as he slowly turned the pages with his mind.

It was clear he was doing this on purpose.

You stood there defiant, not about to go to bed without him.

You didn't know what you were signing up for when you caught his attention with your own coffee magic, and eventually his affections....though nagging at this stubborn caffeine addict of a cookie at 1AM definitely wasn't in the plans.

Whether he liked it or not, he was gonna sleep tonight.

Fortunately you had another trick up your sleeve: hypnosis.

Whenever you went on adventures to clear forests of hostile desserts, you could hypnotize them into attacking each other with just the snap of your fingers.

Little did Espresso know..it wasn't just some offensive or defensive ability. You could very well use it during your normal life in the kingdom.

And you were about to demonstrate that to him.

"Hey, coffeecake? Mind telling me if you've seen this spell in your book?"

"Hmm, I suppose I can-" But the moment he looked up and realized what you were doing, it was already too late.

Tiny coffee beans formed a swirl in the air, slowly spinning in a hypnotic motion against a white background made of foamy cream. You can immediately see the swirl mirrored behind his large spectacles as he stared at it, dropping his book.

His magic may be strong, but yours was stronger. Especially if it caught someone by surprise.

"You're getting very, very sleepy."

"I'm...very, very sleepy."

"Good. Now when I snap my fingers, you will go to bed with me and not enter your library for the rest of the night."

"I will go to bed with you and not enter my library for the rest of the night."

You smiled and snapped your fingers, making the illusion disappear as Espresso blinked a few times. But that swirly patterned remained in his eyes as you took his hand, taking him to your shared bedroom with no resistance whatsoever.

He laid down first, taking off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand. Yet the moment you join him, he snapped out of his trance and realized you dragged him away from his studies.

"Now that wasn't very polite," he chastised. "You know hypnosis shouldn't be used so recklessly on.....on..."

He trailed off as you laid on top of him, arms wrapped around him securely so he couldn't wriggle free. Despite his groans of protest, he couldn't shake the feeling of sleepiness coming over him, his eyelids growing heavier with every breath he took.

Maybe the hypnosis hadn't fully worn off, or maybe it was just your warmth that made him realize how cold the library was.

He didn't know which it was, but what he did know was that you've won tonight.

Just this once, he'll sleep.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Request: hello!! i rlly like your works, and as someone poly myself i was really happy to see your venti x reader x zhongli one!! your writing is so interesting and immersive, too!! i'd really like to see a xiao x reader x venti, if possible! anything, hc, fic, i don't mind :D i especially cherish the idea of xiaoven being together beforehand and trying to figure out how to proceed together. -🌌 (just in case i decide to drop by ur asks again in the future, haha)

And then that poly fic turned into five requests ahahaha, I'm glad you found and enjoyed that, as my first poly fic uhu. I didn't expect to actually find these kinds of fics interesting, life is wack pfft. With the new trailer up too, this just made it more appropriate! I hope you like it!

Drifting Blooms

Poly Xiao and Venti falling in love with the Reader, and trying to establish a relationship with you. (masterlist)

Beforehand

The first person you met was Venti when you crossed paths during one of his escapades to Wangshu Inn. After visiting his lover, he then wanted to visit his old friend and passed you in the middle of the bridge.

You smelled of a thousand flowers mixed into a single perfume, and despite the many scents, it wasn't pungent or intrusive. It was... comforting, intoxicating. He stopped in his steps while you continued your path to the Inn.

Before that chance encounter, you were commissioned by Verr to gather multiple scented flowers for a mass floral change around the Inn. While your messenger bag carefully carried and concealed your baggage, the many times you'd sink into the floras had marked your clothing with its many scents.

Venti, intrigued and ecstatic about the discovery would fly back to the architecture to express his findings to Xiao, who was surprised to see him back so quickly. Upon hearing of your person, the yaksha would simply inform him that he's not exactly aware of who you are, but only knows you by scent as well.

He dubbed you the florist, because everytime you appear, the vases would be filled with healthy and blooming ones. Never had he actually put a face to your title.

So like little children, the both of them peered over the railings to watch you down below, conversing with Verr as you present the freshly picked flowers bundled in your arms. From this distance, the smell still winds up to find their nostrils, making them inhale as the calming effect takes place once more.

You looked disheveled yet still composed, a glaze lily you particularly liked tucked behind both your ears. And Xiao notices the huge claymore clinging to your back, a full head taller than yours.

Verr asks you to bring it to the balcony where it would be arranged as all the vases had been vacated there for drying, and when you looked up upon the mention of the higher floor, your eyes widen upon meeting two pairs of bright tantalizing orbs.

While the beholder of the amber ones pointedly avoided your gaze right after, the teal ones smiled through his eyes, waving at you enthusiastically. You returned the smile softly before you started making your way over where they are.

The stronger the scent comes, the more overwhelming it pierces through them both. It was distracting in the best way, minds cleared as they relished under the atmosphere the concoction of sweetness it produced. To the yaksha, he was a bit dizzy, tipsy even as his mind floats. And to Venti, it reminded him of home and the breeze the thousand winds carried with him when he was but a sprite.

When you placed down the flowers by the stone rock, you realized that they were standing idly by you in a respectable yet still close distance. They both realized how it clings to you, and you were forced to stay a little longer as Venti chatted you up to make you linger while the other male chose to hang back where he can overlook the Marsh.

They were both charming despite the other's cold exterior, carrying with them their own sense of elegance and beauty. Is it so wrong to like them despite their already existing relationship? You kept to yourself with a blush at the scandalous thought, congratulating them before bidding your farewell.

When you left, the comfort and warmth took off with you. They were both frenzied and are addicted to it, as if you had marked them so violently. No other flower, not even hundreds, can make their hearts both calm and flutter like you do.

Cultivation

Since then, Venti had been visiting frequently and lingering much longer than usual. Xiao would question it at first until he realized the way the Archon seemed very curious of your presence, drifting over to you or dividing his attention when you came into vicinity.

It wasn't hard to miss with the flowery scented aura you carry, your continuous commission with floras had the smell permanently stuck to your adventuring attire. That or you seem to be using a floral detergent for your laundry too.

Once, you've accidentally left an article of clothing by the balcony in your hurry, whether it be a scarf or handkerchief it was easy to miss. And the bard had noticed the discarded garment a bit too late. Is that why your scent lingered despite the fact that you had withdrawn for the night? Xiao keeps it with him to return the next time you came along.

That night, he realized the following night after you received your missing item, was a rare moment of peace with the voices for once quieted down without the help of Venti's songs.

Upon this discovery it would then be him doing the investigation, the curiousity, he'd be more approachable and less guarded. Somehow he had forgotten how normal mortals were affected by their energy but it would seem it isn't that harmful now than it used to before.

One day, they most likely ended up talking about you to each other in passing conversation, and when Venti teased about the idea of them being infatuated to you... they held a pregnant pause at the sudden realization, of the weird intoxication and the similar yearning.

At first they'd be ashamed of the thought that they came to fancy another person when they were already in an existing and steady relationship. But the thought seemed to just be more enticing knowing that the other feels the same way, why be shy over something that you both feel anyways? And besides, humans also partake in far intense concepts of romances.

But it doesn't really start there, it takes them a little more before they finally realized that another one (especially the likes of you) can easily fit in their daily lives. Now the question is, would you wish to be in between two immortals?

Would THEY be willing to invest in a mortal that would one day be engraved as nothing but a painful memory? That they can never revert back to?

Until they realized the capabilities of adeptal energy.

The Grand Plan

The duo does their best to fall into steps over your humane life, understanding you beyond your simple presence, as they continue to soak up the ecstacy. Like two moths drawn to the flame, the citizens around you can see the dynamic. Even before you three's relationship starts, the rumors had spread into established truth. One you were perfectly unaware of.

It was a painful game of tug of war. They would strive for progress before getting pulled back again, still unsure of their decisions and trying to figure it out as they go.

What made them finally pull you into their world of love? Well, cliché as it is, it was their own greed and jealousy upon the sight of other beings of the mortal realm seemingly gravitating to your form everytime. The essence of flowers had imprinted itself to many people that linger around you, pulling them in the same way the two of them had been.

Before the potential suitors could come within your personal space, Venti's arm wraps itself around your waist as he pulls you back into the balcony with surprising strength. And the entrance would be shut as Xiao kicks out the person trying to take your hand.

Next thing you know, you're squeezed in between two twink- cute guys that desperately clings to what they can get hold of you. Your presence may be overwhelming, but you're already so dizzy from the bouts of emotions racing through your mind at the predicament you find yourself in.

It's time to decide if you want in or not.

NSFW bonus: When on a three way, Venti is in front while Xiao is behind, both of them however occupy the same hole.

@kookieyachi @ellitx @struggljng @moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel

[supersizemeplz]

Spend the Night

Erik Stevens x Black PlusSized Reader

Another #supersizedfic short. Ok, so right off the back I wanna say that towards the end it gets explicit. Since I started writing a lot of fluff, I feel so vulgar when I actually write something steamy. I was contemplating on whether or not to post it here but I thought why not. When I say this has been sitting in my drafts forever, I am not exaggerating. I didn’t know exactly what to do with it so I’m just putting it out to be seen. So I hope you enjoy!

The chattering of characters played on the television screen, once amusing to the couple that rested on the earth toned sofa but now was nothing more than background noise as they conversed. It's sound was low in an attempt to not overwhelm them both, becoming aided with the captions on the screen if they happened to want to know what was going on in the movie. Its light spread out to at least a few feet behind the couch where the light over the recently cleaned kitchen island picked up its slack.

This wasn't your first time over his place but you never paid attention to the details. The house was honestly one of the best decorated homes you'd seen other than those from HGTV. You made sure not add those exact words to the compliment to hide your small addiction to the channel. Especially when you could name the patterns of the tile and back splash of his kitchen, then he'd definitely know that you were a homebody. After a half an hour phone call with Erik hours before on your lunch break, he'd persuaded you to spend the night at his place. Easily done since you were already planning to stop by after a few quick errands. He'd promised you to a homemade dinner, Netflix movies, your favorite wine, and a foot rub.

"Shutupp. I do not.." You chuckled at the joke Erik made, reaching forward to smack his arm as best as you could. Being sure not to waste any of the wine that you still had left in your glass. He smirked as he focused back on massaging your left foot, making sure to massage deep to relieve the tension. You relaxed back against the sofa after taking a sip of your wine with a happy sigh. "You cook like a master chef and have the hands of a God. I might have to keep you around Stevens."

He laughed at that, stopping his foot massage for a moment to cover his mouth as to soften his boom of laughter.  You stifled a chuckle as he pretended to look hurt. "You might? I see how you really feel." Taking your foot gently, he moved it off of him to the floor. You sat your glass on the table beside you and leaned forward to catch his face, laughing as you seen him trying to stay serious.

"Awww, you know I'm just playing." You cooed as you pressed kisses to his cheek. "..my sensitive baby." He allowed the kisses, giving away his small smile from his dimples deepening. Turning his head to catch your lips in a few kisses, he ended the string of kisses with a deeper one. You hummed in the kiss as he placed a hand on your backside. Gripping the soft cushion just enough to get you stimulated before it was over. You sat there for a moment before opening your eyes and watching him get up from the couch.

"You done with this glass, babe?" He asked, grabbing his own glass before looking to you. You nodded, mumbling a soft 'yeah, I am'. He took the glasses and half empty bottle to the kitchen as he continued his conversation with you. You looked to him, admiring the way his shirt allowed you the sight of his back with small movements and the peek of skin once he reached up to place the glasses in the cabinet.

Standing from the softness of the couch, you adjusted your shirt and followed his faintly scented trail into the kitchen. He always smelled amazing. You hummed your acknowledgement as he spoke on some random topic, still in a bit of a daze from the kiss moments ago. Your arms slid around his body as he chuckled. "And you say I be all up under you." You grinned at his response, shrugging.

"And? You know you love me hugging on you, Stevens. Don't think those dimples of yours don't give away your little smiles." Releasing your grip, you headed off to the bedroom. Sending him a teasing look over your shoulder before you disappeared into the hallway. "Don't keep me waiting.."

Once you made it into the bedroom, you made your way to the bathroom to freshen up. Moments passed before Erik was doing the same, meeting you at the double sink to brush his teeth as well. Now shirtless with his sweats hanging just enough to catch the waistband of his briefs. His chuckling caught your attention and broke your admiration of him in the reflection of the mirror. Finishing up with brushing your teeth and washing your hands, you playfully rolled your eyes and left him to finish his nightly routine.

It felt like he was taking forever to come to bed. Doing that lengthy ass routine he'd done numerous times over the many times you both would facetime as you got ready for bed. You had slipped from the shirt and short set that had only been worn for a few hours, still catching the scent of perfume you dashed on to work like a pheromone. The soft fabrics hit the floor and you adjusted the lace, skin toned underwear that was left. Smoothing your hair down, you looked to the bathroom door as he switched off the light.

Silence. It filled the bedroom and swarmed around the both of you as you stood in front of the bed. The lamp that sat in the corner of the room illuminated your silhouette just enough for him to see the look you gave him. He grinned at your surprise, catching the slight nervousness in your body as he stepped closer. A hum of appreciation left him as he took his time to make it to you. Why in the hell did this man have you feeling like this was your first time? Maybe because it was with him.

Weeks of being wined and dined, fun little outings, nights on the phone, and building sexual tension came to this moment. He'd been a gentleman the whole time. Never pushing the matter on you and waiting for you to tell him what you wanted. And oh how you've wanted him. The thoughts had crossed your mind as well as a few wet dreams that you wouldn't dare let him find out about. Tonight, you decided you were tired of waiting and enduring the sweet torture of his charisma.

He sent a chill over you as he spoke suddenly. "You don't understand what you do to me, do you?" His fingers held your chin, thumb gently massaging the soft skin. "So pretty and delicate.." The darkness of lust clouded his eyes as he gave a slow once over of you. Your eyes admired the soft curve of his full lips instead. He smiled at the fact, chuckling when he seen you take a deep breath.

"Hey.." He caught your attention, speaking softly. "Eyes up here." You finally caught his gaze and he hummed when you did so. Taking a small step closer, he smiled as he leaned to your lips. "I need those eyes to stay on me. You got me?" His lips ghosted yours and you relaxed under his touch.

You gave a small nod as you looked up to meet his eyes. The touch of his fingertips felt like small sparks as they moved across your skin. Hooking beneath your bra strap and easing the band down your shoulder. "I want to hear that sweet voice of yours, baby.." You felt as he trailed them around you to unclasp the hooks at the back with ease. The fabric fell to the floor without a sound and he gave another satisfied hum. "Are you gonna be a good girl and keep those eyes on me?"

"Yes, baby.." You replied, allowing him to admire your lips this time. He gave a small smirk as he mumbled 'That's more like it, baby'. Your nipples were erect from both sexual and actual atmosphere. His thumb brushed over the sensitive bud and you bit your lip to suppress a moan, opting for a slow exhale. He looked to you and you seen a dimple to let you know he was toying with you. Seeing how long you could last with his slow burn.

You caught his lips suddenly, surprising him for only a second. He flowed with your slow kisses, smiling at the hunger in them. A moan slipped past your lips against his this time, fingers dancing at the waistband of his sweats. He chuckles at your lengthy nails attempting to work with the fabric. Taking over when you couldn't focus enough to get it.

"So eager.. Take it slow and tell me what you want me to do." He began to lower the sweats with ease before he slipped the soft cotton fabric from his legs. ".. that sexy ass voice you got and you really think you're not going to use it." A playful scoff followed the sentence before he licked his lips.

You looked to the bulge of his briefs before meeting his eyes again. "I want a taste.." The confession kind of surprised him though his face hadn't shown it. He watched you as you caught his gaze again, groaning when you gently palmed him. "May I?" You teased, using the moment to toy with him in return.

He didn't lose eye contact as you lowered before him. "I'm all yours.." The consent left his lips immediately. You hummed, pressing your lips against the fabric before massaging it. He exhaled as you did so. Your fingers finally caught at the waistband of his boxers to ease them down, and his length eagerly greeted you. That pulled a soft laugh from you.

"It's so pretty.." You mumbled the compliment, not focused on if he'd heard it or not. He groaned as you took your first taste of him. The warmth of your mouth made him pull his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyes focused on your slow moments with fascination.

You closed your eyes, taking your time to work him up. He filled your mouth as much as he could before you eased him from your lips, hugging his tip. "Unh uh. What I say?" His hips pushed into your lips gently, enjoying the softness they provided. Opening your eyes, you look up to him as he wanted. He groaned softly as a smirk caught the corner of his lips. "There you go. Keep those eyes on me."

Your right hand left his thigh, lifting up to stroke him. "I'm sorry, baby. Forgive me?" You taunted, freeing your mouth for the moment. His lips parted once your tongue circled his fattened head, going back to work while slurping loudly for his enjoyment. The mumbles he spoke were barely audible over your pleasuring, but you made out some of the words and moan in agreement.

Releasing your lips from him with a pop, you look to his glistening dick. He hums as you stroke him again, trying his hardest not to move his hips in rhythm with you. "You're so fucking pretty.." The repeated confession gains your eye contact with him once again. And he reacts with another mumble of praise. He curses as you stare up at him with a smile. Your full lips all shiny and wet from saliva, matching the coat that covered him.

"Tell me again.." You tease with a sultry voice, seeing him chuckle at your cockiness. He tucks his bottom lip between teeth as amusement taints his features. And he repeats it a little louder. "Good boy." Rubbing him against your lips, you laugh as he weakens and leans forward slightly. The small words of praise caught him off guard, but he couldn't help his body reacting. He was losing dominance and didn't mind it.

"C'mere.." He stops you from your fun, gently standing you up. You squeal as he picks you up with ease. Resting you right above his hardened excitement. He grins as you hold onto his arms for support. "I want my pleasure to come from pleasing you.." Your body falls to the bed with a soft bounce. He rids himself of his underwear fully before he puts his attention on yours.

The light of the dim lamp catches his chain, glinting against his chest and bringing attention to his body. Reaching a hand out towards him, you ran your fingertips along his smooth, yet textured skin. Taking in the scars that he'd told you were a reminder of how far he'd came from unlearning his old ways. You moan as he bends down to press kisses to your tummy, showing it the love it deserved. The kisses becoming sloppier as they continued their way lower.

He hummed as he lifted your thighs, opening them enough to kiss their inner parts. His soft lips left tingles that felt they were going straight to your love button. "She's ready for me, huh?" The light stroke of his finger made you shift your hips closer, resulting in his chuckle. Both of your thighs were placed onto his shoulders and he began his delicate foreplay. Pulling a moan from before your hands found his dreads.

He licked his lips as he admired your body. "Let's see if I can get you to spend the night more often."

__________________

Taglist

@sisterwifeudaku @kumkaniudaku @wawakanda-btch @theunsweetenedtruth @chaneajoyyy @wakanda-inspired @princesskillmonger @liviy00 @xsweetdellzx @muse-of-mbaku @killmongerdispussy @thehomierobbstark @princessstevens @killmongerthiskoochie @cecereads209 @beautifullmelodyxx @soufcakmistress @melodyofmbaku @awerkofart

[wlwmarvelenthusiast]

More Than A Friend

Summary: A weekend trip with Carol leads you to realize you might like her a little more than you'd thought.

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

Warnings: language

Word Count: 6,194

You crept into the bar. It was a rowdy place, even this early in the evening. Your eyes scanned the crowd, taking in all the different people that were scattered throughout the room. The football game was playing on the TV, but unfortunately, it wasn't really your sport. Finally, your eyes landed on a blonde sitting at the bar. You moved toward her, a smirk on your face. You didn't even bother to slide into the seat next to her.

Your hand touched her hip and your lips were right next to her ear when you spoke. "What's a beautiful thing like you doing all alone here?"

She startled a little, whipping to face you. When she saw you, though, she smacked you away, an unamused expression taking over the surprised look she'd had a minute ago. You slid onto the stool next to her, eyes watching as the bartender held up a single finger to indicate he'd be over to you in a moment. You only nodded in acknowledgment before turning back to the girl beside you, the smirk still on your lips.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" She rolled her eyes.

"Come off it, Care-bear, you love me."

"Christ, I hate when you call me that."

"I apologize, oh Captain, my captain."

The bartender arrived and prevented her from retaliating. You didn't even bother looking back at her as you ordered your drink of choice, glancing up at the football game that you didn't care about in order to not look at Carol. She finally snorted and bumped her shoulder against yours. It made you look back at her, unable to keep a smile from forming on your face when she gave you a hearty wink. She laughed.

"How was work?"

You shrugged. "People are idiots."

When you were sixteen, you'd worked a retail job where you'd learned just how stupid people really were. You'd learned that fully-grown adults had nothing better in their lives to do than yell at teenaged, minimum wage workers during their spare time for nothing more than a minor inconvenience. When you'd become an Avenger, you thought that would stop. You were incorrect. You might not have been a teenaged retail worker anymore, but people found a reason to lose their temper anyway- even right after you'd saved their life.

"That good, huh?" She chuckled.

"Are people nicer on other planets, Care-bear? Take me with you?"

"They're not, no," Carol huffed, sipping from her glass. "And the drinks don't taste as good."

You wondered what she was drinking that she seemed to be enjoying so much. It was colourful, and had, at this point, piqued your interest. You reached out and snatched from where it sat in front of her on the bar. You sniffed it first. It was something fruity, that was all you could figure. Finally, you dared raise the glass to your lips. The second the liquid touched your tongue you felt like you might overdose on sugar and sweetness.

"Oh, my God, Carol!" You exclaimed, setting the drink back down on the bar top and sliding it to her. "What the hell is that?"

"She got it extra sweet," the bartender said as he walked by. "Your friend's got a sugar addiction."

It didn't seem to bother her at all. While you felt you could puke from the sugar content alone, she was sipping it happily. You rolled your eyes at her, reaching for your own drink, much preferring the taste of it. Carol turned to you suddenly, the straw still between her lips. You watched as she lowered it back down, using the same straw to stir the drink around, the ice clinking off the side of the glass as she did. She sipped it again.

"What's our weekend plans, then?" Carol asked finally.

"Who says I have plans with you?"

"Oh, please. You practically begged me to come stay on Earth for a weekend."

"I did absolutely no such thing."

You absolutely did do that. Carol was away from Earth more often than not and you missed her. It wasn't like it was a crime to. So, you'd phoned her up and asked her over and over to come spend just one weekend on Earth with you. She'd finally agreed on the eighth ask, and now here you sat; on the right of the girl you'd missed so dearly, teasing her relentlessly about whatever that abomination was swirling around in her glass.

"We're taking my new car on a little road trip," you finally gave, sipping your drink. "Music, fast-food, and deep talks on the interstate."

"Snacks?"

"Snacks too," you promised with a chuckle. "And we can get a nice motel room or pitch a tent at night. Whichever you please."

You had to laugh at the smile that had crept over her face. The way she giggled in excitement, you had to wonder if it'd just been too long since her last day off or if the alcohol had gotten to her already. She waved the bartender lever as she finished hers. He placed a new one in front of her, and she thanked him quickly, bringing it close and immediately bringing the straw between her lips. You wondered whether the sugar or alcohol content would hospitalize her quicker.

"So, when do we leave?" She chirped.

"In the morning. Don't drink too much. You'll get hungover and I want to actually have fun."

She stuck her tongue out at you. You rolled your eyes in response, finishing your own drink and then declining another. You didn't want to be hungover when you were the one driving the two of you around. The bartender brought you a pop instead. You sipped on it, watching a bar-goer stumbled over with a drunk grin on his face and tapped Carol on the shoulder. He said something you didn't quite hear, but you saw Carol nod. He took her hands and dragged her onto the dance floor. You brought her drink toward you.

Carol was a flirt. She always had been. She was a flirt with you, your teammates, and strangers. She was also gay. This dance with this guy didn't mean much to her. You weren't sure if it even meant much to him. You couldn't be sure that he'd even remember this dance. He was absolutely wasted, and it wasn't even midnight. Regardless, he seemed to be enjoying it. His eyes travelled up and down Carol's body and you squeezed the glass in your hand a little tighter. You were protective of her, despite knowing she could absolutely hold her own.

When the song finished, she winked at him, retreating back to your spot at the bar. She finished up her drink and then insisted the two of you head back to your place and that you were right: she didn't want to be nursing a hangover while you were supposed to be having a good time. You paid the bartender and then linked your arm with hers, leading her out the door and onto the streets. She glanced up at the tall buildings around her. A smile had formed on her face.

"You don't appreciate how beautiful this place is."

You glanced up at the glowing buildings that towered above you and marvelled, for a moment, at the soft light that radiated off them. Your gaze was tugged downward, though, at a rustling noise. You were snapped back into the reality of your city as you watched a rat scurry along the curb of the sidewalk in the direction opposite you. You chuckled at that, motioning to it as you looked up to catch Carol's bright gaze.

"Surely some of those planets are far more beautiful than this."

She shrugged. "Some, maybe. Some are worse. Some are kind of alike to this. This has always been my favourite, though."

You might have understood that if Carol had taken the time to visit the actual beautiful parts of the Earth. But she was always in the city. She'd never gone to stare in amazement at a waterfall or glance at towering mountains. She had never seen the true beauties of this Earth, and you promised in that moment to change that fact. If she thought New York City was beautiful, she would be blown off her feet by the things you showed her.

"One day, Carol, I'll show you the actual beautiful things on this Earth."

"You're pretty beautiful yourself."

You smacked her. That was her flirty side coming out once again. It didn't mean anything. It never had. So, you wondered what that strange flutter in your chest was when she said the words. You ignored it, passing it off as a longing for a meaningful relationship. You hadn't had one of those in a while now. You probably just wanted someone to say those words to you and mean it. You made a mental note to sign up for an online dating site after the weekend had passed. It was too hard to meet people in your line of work without them.

"Yeah, I know," was all you gave in response.

When you glanced over at her, she had a grin on her face.

It wasn't long until you'd reached your apartment building. You smiled at the front desk as you entered the lobby and immediately made for the elevator. You pressed the button to the seventh floor and waited patiently for the doors. You knew Carol was suppressing a squeal of glee when they arrived. She usually just flew everywhere. Using simple inventions like this one had always gotten her more excited than the average person. To anyone else, an elevator was just a boring elevator.

"Can I do it?" She asked as you pulled out your key.

Carol really was just like a child, in a sense. Everything was so advanced out in space that these were the things she enjoyed doing. You pointed out the bronze key and watched her run ahead. She practically skipped the distance to your apartment door. She pushed the key into the lock and turned it, glancing back at you and smiling widely when the door pushed open. You smiled affectionately as you took the key back from her.

She may not have visited Earth overly often, but every time she did, she visited your apartment. Resultantly, she knew her way around. She knew, as well, that you didn't mind in the slightest if she made herself at home. She slid her shoes off and jumped onto the couch, pulling the blanket down over top of her and snuggling into it. You actually took a photo of the sight before you moved into the room behind her, lifting her legs, sitting on the couch, and then dropping them back over your lap.

"Can we watch a movie?" Carol asked, pleading gaze turning to you.

You showed her the remote you'd been reaching for. "Already on it, Captain Danvers."

"I take it back," she giggled, tossing her head back so that it hit the armrest. "That's worse. You can call me-"

"Aw, my Care-Bear!" You laughed, shifting your position so you could throw your arms around her shoulders.

Carol grunted at the impact against her torso. Once you settled, though, she breathed a little easier. You were both squished against one side of the couch, now, but the closeness was nothing new to you. You still had the remote in hand, and aimed it at the TV, managing to get it to Netflix. You flicked on a random horror movie, setting the remote back down on the coffee table in front of you. You nestled back into the cushions.

It had always amused you how jumpy Carol got when she watched horror movies. She was a literal superhero that fought literal aliens all the night and day and yet a ghost jumping out of a darkened corridor had her cringing away from the TV screen and pulling the blanket further up her body as if in an attempt to protect her. She would always adamantly deny it if you ever brought it up later. You would never show her the picture you had of her, fuzzy blue blanket pulled all the way up to her nose, eyes wide, as she watched The Conjuring. She would delete it off your phone as you slept.

Today, though, her nerves seemed to be calmed somewhat by the cup of tea she had clasped between her hands. She looked entirely content, sitting cross-legged on the couch with that same fuzzy blanket draped over her lap and a grey, ceramic mug warming her palms. The alcohol had clearly gotten to her a little, you realized, as you watched her eyelids droop every once in a while. The corner of your mouth tilted upward ever so slightly. She was wide awake a moment later.

It was a sudden jump scare. Even being half asleep, Carol was still paying attention. So, when the TV boomed and there was a flash and a scream, she jumped. The tea that she'd been holding in her lap sloshed over the edges, a large amount of liquid soaking into the couch cushions. You were out of your seat in an instant, reaching for the remote to pause. Carol was apologizing profusely, jumping to her feet and following you to the kitchen.

"It's okay, Carol. It's fine," you chuckled, wetting a dish towel and grabbing some paper towels. "Hey, it's fine. Really. Chill out."

Carol seemed hesitant to do that. When you lightheartedly flicked the wet towel at her, though, she finally smiled taking the paper towel out of your hand and heading back to the living room, pressing the paper towel into the couch and absorbing as much of the liquid as she could. When she'd finished, you used the wet rag to clean the beverage out. As you tossed the paper towel away and threw the dishrag into the kitchen sink, you stood back and took a look at the large wet spot on the couch.

"Guess we're moving to my room, then. Let's go, Care-Bear."

Carol nodded. She trod behind you into the bedroom, where you flopped onto the bed. She was lagging behind and you waved her onward to hurry her up. She finally jumped onto the bed and sat next to you, sliding her legs underneath the covers. You turned on the small TV in your room and resumed the movie you'd been watching. In the soft comfort of the bed, though, it seemed the tug for sleep was greater. Carol's eyes finally fluttered shut and she lay down against the pillows. You chuckled, turning off the movie.

You, unlike your friend, hadn't fallen asleep involuntary. You were able to head to the bathroom and brush your teeth before yawning tiredly and deciding to join. You padded back into the room, climbed under the covers, shut off the lights, and lay your head onto your own pillow. You smiled once at Carol's sleeping figure before you shut your eyes, letting sleep take you.

*

As hard as you tried to convince her, you weren't able to get Carol to stick her head back inside the sunroof. You weren't sure how to breeze was so exhilarating to her. The superhuman could fly faster than your car was going right now. The wind in her hair had to be a familiar feeling at this point. Plus, there were no laws against flying above the interstate to feel the wind in your hair. There were, however, laws about standing with your entire torso stuck out the roof of the car.

You'd given up a while ago. If she fell out, she'd be just fine. If she got you a ticket? Oh, there would be serious hell to pay. She'd agreed to that already. You'd honestly be surprised, though, if she did get ticketed. It'd be quite a sight to see: a measly police officer ticketing the Human-Kree Hybrid superhero. That sight alone might actually be worth the fine you would have to pay. By the time she'd pulled her head back in, though, blonde hair windblown and a smile plastered to her face, you'd yet to see a single cop.

"Have fun?" You asked, doing up the sunroof.

"Absolutely. You should try."

"Do you know how to drive?" You scoffed.

"I can fly a ship."

"Yeah, I'm sure UFO controls are much different than cars so I'm gonna have to politely ask you to stay the hell away from my car."

Carol only stuck her tongue out at you. She still didn't do her seatbelt up yet. She twisted her body so that she could reach into the back seat. You turned back to the road, but when you shot a second glance at her a few seconds later, she was popping open a can of Pringles with a large grin on her face. She bit down onto a chip with a giggle before turning the can to you. You reached into it with one hand and took a small handful of them, setting them down on the centre console for easier access.

"Where are we staying tonight?" Carol asked through a mouthful of chips.

"A campground up in a small town in Ontario," you hummed. "It's still a good few hours away. I'd ask if you wanted to stop for food, but I'd guess you've filled up on snacks."

She dug through her backpack. "Do I need this?"

She held up the passport you'd made her get last time the two of you had headed up to Toronto. Despite the fact that she really wasn't a citizen of the United States... or even of Earth, you'd managed to get S.H.I.E.L.D. to make you an exception for Carol. It was the perks of being an Avenger, and a close friend of Nick Fury, you supposed. To answer her question, you simply nodded your head as you reached for the Gatorade in your cup holder. She stuck the papers back into her bag.

"So, are you seeing anyone?"

The question almost made you spit the red beverage onto the steering wheel. It wasn't that you and Carol had never talked about it. She was one of your closest friends, after all. She was the first one you'd called when you'd realized your feelings for your last girlfriend, and she was the first one you'd called when you'd broken up. Carol wasn't someone you didn't talk about your love life with. It was just that it was completely and entirely out of the blue. It didn't help that the answer was still no, even after the long period of time since she'd last asked it.

You'd tried to assure yourself that you were just busy with work. It wasn't a lie. You'd been busy as hell ever since Loki's sceptre had inexplicably gone missing after the Battle in New York. But it wasn't just that, you knew full well. Something seemed to be wrong with your brain, or maybe your heart. Maybe it was just that your standards were practically in the clouds, but no one seemed attractive to you anymore. Not even the girl Natasha had tried to set you up with (and you were well convinced that Natasha only knew attractive people).

"Not at the moment, no," you finally admitted. "You?"

"On-and-off," she shrugged. "Just a girl from a planet called Xandar."

A pang of jealousy struck your chest. You were carving something- anything. You would've given anything even for something on-and-off just about now. Had it really been that long? You could hardly believe you were jealous of her. It wasn't like you to be jealous of something someone else had. You were supposed to be happy for her, not sulking over your own lack of a love life... or sex life. You forced a smile at her, wishing it could be real.

"Oh, yeah? Tell me about her."

"Not too much to tell," Carol said, biting down on a potato chip. "She's cute, funny, sweet. A little younger than me, but most people are," she chuckled as she glanced over at you. You plastered a phone smile back onto your lips and forced a laugh from your chest. "Her name's Alya."

You almost grumbled, but managed to bite your tongue on time. You resorted to ripping open a packet of gummy bears in order to keep your mouth full and therefore unable to make any snarky comments. Carol didn't seem to notice that, only reaching over and grabbing a green bear out of the bag. Though you might have been a little frustrated, you let her. It wasn't her fault that you were touch-starved and desperate.

"You know, we could spend this trip trying to find you a girlfriend," Carol grinned, tossing a candy into the air and catching it in her mouth.

"No," you denied immediately. You didn't need for her to see how weird your head was being right now. You were certain there was no one she could find that would be able to snap you out of this strange state of no one being attractive to you, yet craving someone. "I'm not looking for a girlfriend in Ontario."

"What's wrong with girls from Ontario?" Carol teased.

She'd been to Ontario once before. She'd pointed out that, though they may have dressed a little different and talked a little different, the girls from Ontario were just as attractive as the girls from New York. You'd had to point out that, at the time, she'd had a girlfriend. With Carol's ogling at girls on Earth, clearly, she and the girlfriend hadn't been working out well. They'd broken up two weeks later, leaving them both a little hurt, but not beyond repair. Even still, they saw each other for lunch or for a drink, but just as friends. It was admirable; the respect they had retained for one another.

"Nothing is wrong with girls from Ontario," you huffed. "I'm just not in the mood. This is supposed to be our weekend."

"What if I want to spend our weekend finding you a girl?"

"I don't. Drop it," you finally snapped.

Immediately guilt rushed to settle in the pit of your stomach. You readjusted your grip on the steering wheel as your gaze refused to leave the road in front of you. You didn't want to glance over at the frown that had surely taken the place of that infectious smile you loved so dearly. You definitely didn't want to look at it knowing that you were the cause of it. Carol was so incredibly joyful all the time and that was one of the things you loved about her. To be the one who had taken that joy from her, even momentarily, broke your heart.

"I'm sorry," you muttered.

She didn't answer that.

You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat as you tried to focus on driving instead of picturing the frown that was probably tugging at each of Carol's features. You wished you could actually physically kick yourself for what you'd done. She didn't deserve you snapping at her like that. She hadn't done anything wrong. You were just being pissy for reasons you weren't sure even you quite understood. You finally turned to her, but she was looking out the window.

"Look, Carol-"

"Hey, don't worry. Sorry I pushed."

You didn't deserve Carol Susan Jane Danvers one single bit. She deserved more than the world and you swore right then you'd work every moment to give that to her. Despite how you'd treated her for reasons she couldn't possibly have understood, when she turned to you, she was still smiling. As always, her smile put a smile on your face too. You turned away from those soft brown eyes to glance back at the road in front of you.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped. I just... it's a long story, Care-Bear."

"We've got a long ride ahead of us," she tried.

"I don't know that I'm feeling like talking about it right this second," you admitted.

She seemed to accept that. You felt her touch your arm with her hand. Warmth seemed to rush from her touch, up your arms, and into your chest. How one person could instill such comfort into you amazed you. She said a few soft words to you that you didn't quite hear, but you felt you might not need to. You knew they were words of comfort. Just that knowledge was enough to put a smile onto your face. Your eyes flickered from her to the road.

"No problem," Carol chimed. Then, without missing a single beat, she changed the subject. "Hey, which bag did you put the Fuzzy Peaches in?"

"The green backpack."

Just like that, it was easy again. Carol didn't let you linger on just how upset you were for more than a second. She practically dived into the back seat for the backpack, reappearing with the orange package in her hand. She plopped back down into her seat, still refused to put her seatbelt on, and ripped the package open. She reached out and turned up the music when one of your favourite songs came on. You wondered if she knew that.

*

"No! That piece goes over here!" You insisted.

Carol frowned and handed you the long pole.

Pitching a tent with an alien who hadn't even known was a tent was, up until five minutes ago, was not easy. She'd practically rolled herself up like a burrito in the rain fly right after nearly putting the stakes directly through the floor to pin the tent down. You'd been guiding her, preventing any damage from coming to it. She was listening intently, making sure she did everything exactly how you said. She stuck the peg through the guy line and looked at you.

"Like that?"

"Yeah. Perfect. I think we're just about done, Care-Bear."

At that, she unzipped the door, diving through it into the empty tent. You reached into the trunk of your car, throwing the many pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags through behind her, not caring much where they landed. When you finally shut the door and ducked into the tent, Carol was beneath the large pile, peering out from where only the top half of her face was visible. You had to chuckle, grabbing one of the blankets and pulling it over her face.

Carol insisted she set up. She had you sit aside by the door, munching happily on a small bowl of popcorn as you watched. She carefully unzipped the sleeping bags and lay them down on the floor, putting the pillows atop them, and then the two comforters stacked on top of each other on top of that. When she finally finished, she gestured proudly to her completed setup. You raised an eyebrow.

"We both sleeping there?"

She nodded. "It's cold."

You had to give her that. You were practically shivering just from waiting for her to finish. The sun had dipped beyond the horizon at this point, the darkness of night did nothing to heat up the air around you. You clambered under the blankets, careful not to drop any of the popcorn you still held. You placed it next to you, letting Carol reach over and grab some as she, too, climbed into the makeshift bed. She popped a piece into her mouth.

"Up to talking about it yet?"

It was a genuine question. Carol wasn't pushy. That was something you could tell by her tone. She had waited patiently and was continuing to wait for you to be ready to talk about what you needed to talk about. She didn't want you bottling it up, but she didn't want to pressure you. She was able to do that. You glanced down at the red blanket that covered your legs, pondering her question for a moment. Then you nodded your head yes.

"I just haven't felt myself recently," you shrugged. "I would like to get out there and find someone, no doubt. Recently, though, it's like my standards are unmeetable. No one seems even remotely appealing to me."

"No one at all?"

"Nat tried to set me up with her Russian model friend," you said, turning to Carol with a grin finally on your lips.

"Nothing?" Carol said, an exaggerated amount of shock on her face. "You must be broken."

You shoved her. She chuckled; the offensive action having done nothing. She was inhumanly strong. If you'd decided to punch her, you likely would've broken your hand against her. She shoved you back, only lightly, so you moved a few inches away from her. She stuck her hand back into the popcorn bowl as you shuffled back into your place beside her. She was chewing thoughtfully, and you didn't dare interrupt her with the very focused expression on her face.

"Do you already like someone? That usually takes away the appeal of anyone else."

You stopped to think about that. You knew that could be the case. In eleventh grade when you'd had a crush on Adelaide Artenbaker, you'd suddenly failed to find anyone else attractive at all. Of course, Adelaide had eventually rejected you on account that she was straight as an arrow. It wasn't malicious. She'd actually given you a kiss on the cheek and assured you that, if she discovered wasn't, she'd let you know. It had made you laugh.

Now, you had to wonder if there was anyone that was making your stomach flip and making you dismiss anyone else. It wasn't the Avengers. You'd been in the changing room with Natasha, the Black fucking Widow, two days ago, and she'd strutted up to you in nothing but her bra and underwear. You hadn't even bat an eyelash as she'd asked you if you wanted to get some Chinese food after the mission (but you had said yes, of course).

"Yeah. Maybe."

Her words had knocked some serious sense into you. You definitely had a crush on someone, and it had definitely been impairing your ability to get out on a date. That someone was around so little, though, that you hadn't realized right away just how you felt for them. Maybe if she visited Earth a little more often, you'd have realized why you blushed so deeply when she'd crawled into bed with you last night or right now.

"Who is it, then?"

Carol had a girlfriend. It may have been on-again-off-again, but she had a girlfriend. You were not now, nor ever, someone who would come between that. You were going to let her be happy with someone who was making her happy and you were going to be happy for her. You plastered a smile onto your face and reached into the bowl of popcorn that sat on your lap, letting the snack cloud the feelings of jealousy that you knew now weren't jealousy of a relationship, but if Carol.

"Nat."

Carol didn't miss a single beat. "Liar."

You glared at her. "The fuck do you mean? Telling me who I do and do not like?"

"I know who has your heart right now. It isn't Nat."

This time when she reached for the popcorn, she leaned over. To support her weight, her hand came to rest on your upper thigh. You had to refrain from reacting. You sucked the inside of your cheek between your teeth, biting hard on it to suppress any sort of reaction that Carol would have noticed. It seemed to have worked. She grabbed a small handful and then backed away, the pressure of her hand disappearing from your limb.

"Yeah? Who is it, then?"

"Someone that likes you back."

"And who says Nat doesn't?"

You might have actually been offended if it weren't Carol you were talking to. You were good enough for Natasha, right? She was practically a goddess in respect to her looks, but you were something, too. Not that you liked Natasha in that way. She was a friend. Carol was the one that you cared about. Something about that sweet smile and that confidence mixed with an innocence she had after being away from Earth for so long warmed your heart every time.

"Fair," Carol admitted. "But you know, you're pretty oblivious. With all the hints I've been dropping, you'd think you'd have realized your feelings are reciprocated."

"What?"

"I like you, dumbass. More than a friend likes a friend."

Your jaw might have dropped. You coughed, choking on the popcorn that you'd been eating as you whirled to face the blonde. She had a twinkle in her eyes, and a giggle escaped her lips when she saw the expression on your face. She tossed a piece of popcorn into the air, catching it in her mouth. She chewed on it as she waited, arms crossed, for you to collect yourself. Finally, after a long drink of water, you calmed.

"Pardon?"

"You're an idiot," she mumbled.

Then she grabbed the front of your shirt and pulled you closer. You didn't fail to notice, as your lips moved against hers, that she moved the popcorn bowl so that it wouldn't spill. It seemed completely unimportant, though. You felt everything starting to melt away into Carol Danvers. Her lips were talented and kissing her felt like an intricate sport and suddenly you needed to breathe. When you pushed away, you realized what you'd done wrong.

Her feelings to you didn't matter. She had a girlfriend. Unless that fact changed, she and you didn't get to be more than your friend. You pushed her even further away. You knew she had the ability to, but she didn't resist. You backed off a little further so that your bodies were completely separated. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she didn't push. She even waited for you to speak first. Your eyes wouldn't meet hers.

"You have a girlfriend."

"I just said that to make you jealous," she scoffed.

You immediately got defensive. "I was not jealous."

"You were so!"

"Shut up."

She did. You suspected the only reason she had shut up was because she was kissing you again. It didn't matter. You were on cloud nine. You felt right again. You felt more right now than you ever had. Carol was exactly what you had needed for longer than you could figure out right then. She was clouding your thoughts and, honestly, you couldn't have cared less. You didn't want to think about anything besides how good her lips felt on yours right then.

You couldn't even find it in yourself to be mad at her for the little stunt she had pulled. You could only be glad that this so-called girlfriend wasn't actually real, and was just a part of her stupid plan. Without the girlfriend, you were free to kiss her as much as she would let you. Judging by how she was kissing you now, she wasn't going to stop you anytime soon. Her teeth grazed your bottom lip as she pulled away, not moving more than an inch from your lips, though.

The hand that clasped your shirt uncurled. She pressed her hand flat against the centre of your chest, pushing you onto your back. You had to chuckle as her knees pressed into the ground on either side of your waist. She kissed your nose once, scowling at the laughs that were beginning to bubble from your chest. You leaned up and kissed her lips for a brief moment, before using a hand to caress her cheek and tuck her hair behind her ear.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing. You were right," you stated. "I'm kinda glad you were right."

"You're kind of glad? Can you imagine how stupid I'd have looked if I were wrong?" Carol laughed.

"Quite," you agreed with a nod.

You pulled her down next to you, wrapping your arms around her and feeling hers do the same to you. You pressed your forehead against hers, taking the time to admire her smiling face. She giggled a little, pecking your lips quickly. She didn't linger, though, having been preoccupied in reaching over your shoulder into the bowl of popcorn once more. She shoved a few pieces into her mouth and chewed happily.

"Care-Bear, what's more important: me or snacks?"

"You are a snack."

You gaped. "How the hell did you learn that term?"

She shrugged. "I hear things."

You rolled your eyes, pushing her away from you. She let you, reaching for her water bottle to wash down some of the salty flavour that had come off the popcorn. She offered you some water, which you accepted. When you finished and handed the bottle back to her, she pulled you close to her. Your body moved until it was flush against hers. Her torso was so warm you could've fallen asleep right then and there.

"You're more important."

Being more important than snacks, in the opinion of Carol Danvers, was just about the highest compliment you could have received.

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 8

The Darkling x Reader

'Are you busy?' You had taken to looking for Aleksander to entertain yourself. You had already done the usual routine for the day and were bored. You had been intending to speak with him for a while but he always seemed to be busy when you asked for him. You had an inkling he knew what you wanted but was scared to approach the topic. Your wandering around the Palace and acting like a leader surely hadn't gone unnoticed by him.

You finally found him in the courtyard hopping off of his horse, looking as regal and handsome as always. The way he stood while talking to his stable boy gave you a clear view of the embroidery on the back of his kefta. The weaves of black shadows seemed to have grown since the last time you had such a close look. Magnificent

'I think I can find a moment out of my day for you' He briefly took your hand in his and lightly traced your knuckles with his thumb in a soothing manner. He always does this.

'Fantastic, I've been meaning to thank you for welcoming me back into the Palace, I feel I owe you big time.' Butter him up first.

'Nonsense, this is as much your home as it is mine' He said and started to walk towards the entrance.

'Well, in that case, is it possible for me to take up my old position?'

You studied his face while a knowing smile replaced his emotionless expression. He didn't look in the least surprised.

'How long have you been waiting to ask me that?' You couldn't help but laugh. I knew he knew.

'I have nothing else to do. I can't just sit and pamper myself for the rest of my life as lovely as that sounds.'

'Do you think you're up for it? It has been a while since you commanded an army.'

You'd be surprised. You were about to give him all the reasons you were even more suited now but he abruptly stopped and looked deep into your eyes, catching you off guard. He looked at you with longing and love. It suddenly rendered you speechless.

'So?' he quirked his head and wore that boyish smile that you loved so much.

'As a matter of fact, yes. If you wish, I'll even take over those boring council meetings with the King to prove myself.' He raised his eyebrows and let out a short hum.

'That does sound like a very advantageous proposition.'

'So I'm assuming that's a yes?'

'I shall think about it.' He looked away, away from your addicting stare and those beautiful eyes.

'Thank- what?'

Did I hear that right?

'You're going to think about giving me my own position back? I made it in the first place! It was made for me!' If anybody walked past the two of your right now, they would surely think you were about to rip his head off.

'A lot has changed since then Y/N' He attempted to walk away but you had other plans.

'Where do you think you're going? We're not done here!' You ran in front of him.

'Y/N I have business to attend to'

'So do I, and it's this' He let out an exasperated sigh.

'I said I'll think about it, I never said no'

'But you never said yes'

'I'll have to run it by the King and the rest of the council. How do you think they'll respond to me appointing a brand new Grisha as Deputy-General? A Grisha like you nonetheless, they’ve never heard of your kind'

There it was. A Grisha like me. He was scared.

'I'll talk to them myself then, maybe even tell him a story or two.' You were so enraged you considered going to the King right then and there. With a little pressure on his old heart, you would be sure to get his approval.

His demeanor suddenly changed. You were talking to the General now. Great, you thought he's talking to the Deputy-General.

'Don't you even dare.'

'You're not leaving me with much of a choice. I'll reduce this place to ash if you're not careful with your words, Aleksander' You went to turn and leave but he gripped your arm and he pulled you closer to him.

'You are so sure of yourself. Did all those years alone make you so arrogant, or were you always like this?' His words were like venom to your heart but fuel for your rage. You shook his hand off.

'That is very rich of you to say don't you think?' Your hands suddenly felt very fidgety and hot.

'Y/N I suggest you calm down before making threats to your General. You should be glad I haven't chained you thus far.' His own hands balled into fists as he restrained himself.

This was your last straw, with a loud whoosh, you sent a stream of fire his way to distract him while a nice gust of wind knocked him to his knees in front of you. You grasped his hands in yours and slowed his heartbeat, relaxing him. His eyes swirled with fear.

'Go on, send the shadows, I'll gladly take them' you said through your teeth.

Suddenly you saw movement out of the corner of your eye, oprichniki. Aleksander looked at them and shook his head. Ivan looked livid. Good for him.

You roughly let go and took a step back, disappointed that he didn't make a move.

'You better think quickly' You warned and walked off.

Suits him right.

******

Your chambers were trashed, the mirrors smashed and the bed overturned. Screams and shouts still echoed over the walls yet nobody came to check on you. The whole reason for your return was to take back your title, to be yourself again, and leave your nasty past behind you.

You swore you were better now, that you could control your impulses, that power wasn't a temptation anymore, but you were wrong. You undermined Aleksander today, embarrassed the General in front of his soldiers. But he didn't punish you. You always knew that wherever Aleksander was involved, your loss of control followed. You never understood why.

He got one thing right though, you needed to calm down. Your mind couldn't get over the feeling right before the guards came, the feeling of almost having his glorious shadows. Of almost having that part of him again. There it is again, the temptation of power. You shook your head to rid of the thought.

You had momentarily thought about taking Alina and some of her power, but quite frankly you didn't feel the need anymore. Shadows were your thing, you always had an air of darkness. So does he. You didn't fit the light, but she did.

Sleep wouldn't come to you, not even briefly. You stared at the damage of the room in the moonlight and thought back to the image of him on his knees in front of you, fearing evident in his eyes. He looked so good on his knees.

You shot up from the bed and yanked the door open, walking with a purpose, your rage having a strange effect on you. You needed him.

******

Aleksander sat at his desk, halfway through a bottle of whiskey. He couldn't stop thinking of what you did. How such a small thing had affected you and made you snap. Your eyes held darkness he had never seen before, not even in himself.

He hoped your intentions were pure, it was better than the reality he imagined in his head as you held an iron grip on his hands and slowed his heart. You looked hungry; ravenous for more.

There was a time when your power made him more attracted to you, you were his equal in his eyes. Together the two of you were unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. But all of it changed when he seen how little you understood the power you had. Your powers were always ruled by your emotions and not by you. Today just proved to him that even after 98 years of practice, you were still a loose cannon.

He couldn't bring himself to use the shadows on you, not because you would've taken them, but because he didn't want to hurt you. For a split second, he was scared you would do something to him, but it was overpowered by the fear of what you could do to his life; turn it upside down and inside out. And he would let you.

He couldn't decide if he hated you for undermining him or whether he wanted you even more than he ever did. The tension between you two was always thick, but when he was on his knees in front of you, he couldn't help but think back to all the times he'd done it willingly, worshipping you at your feet. Rightfully so. You were a goddess in his eyes.

A door opening and shutting tore him away from his thoughts. He looked up and there you were, in nothing but a nightgown, flushed and breathing hard.

Part 9

ITS COMING sorry I’m making u wait but there’s nothing better than post-fight (literally) sex 😊😊😊

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl

[dearcat1]

(Perspectives)

Part 39 of Sofia

Sofia hums, stretching in her nest. This hotel is nice even if it's not the traditional Japanese type that she was originally thinking about. She's calm, relaxed if a little tired after her heat and looking forward to having the time and energy to explore Namimori. Laura is cleaning up the room a little, mostly to have something to do. "Do we have plans for today?"

"I want to explore," Sofia stands up, deciding whether or not she wants to change from her shorts and shirt to something more presentable. "Xanxus?"

"Out, he's going over Sawada's security here. We don't know what he's hiding yet but there's definitely something wrong with that son of his." Laura turns around, checking her phone again before pocketing it almost forcefully.

"Still having a hard time?" Sofia pulls her hair up in a bun. "I'm going to call him and let him know."

"I'm not used to being away from my baby this long," Laura groans. "Just… let's just not talk about it."

"If you're sure." Sofia bites her lip but lets it go, dialling Xanxus instead. "Hey."

"Hey, Sof." He's a little curt but Sofia knows it's nothing to do with her. "Do you need me back?" 

"No, I'm ok today." Sofia picks up a handbag and shoves her keys inside, "I'm going out to explore. With Laura."

"I know you hate it but take security with you, I need Luss with me and Squalo has a task to complete."

Sofia rubs her cheeks, annoyed but not entirely surprised. "Ok but I won't... I mean, I won't lose them but I won't just do what they tell me either."

Xanxus grunts, "alright. Take a gun with you."

"Ok," she shifts but stops when Laura hurries to their bags. "I love you."

"Love you, too. Be safe." 

She pockets the gun, "same."

Laura arches a brow, following Sofia out of the room. "Somebody is in a mood."

"What do you think Sawada did?" Xanxus's temper isn't a soft thing but he's also good at keeping that away from her.

"From what Luss told me, the guy's security is fine. His kid is a walking disaster but something about him has Xanxus's attention." Laura shrugs at Sofia's curious look. "In any case, Sawada hasn't told his wife what line of work he's in." 

"Oh." Yeah, Sofia can see how that could tick Xanxus off. Unlike Sawada's wife, Sofia knew from the get-go that Vongola cares little about civilian law. Even through her memories, however, Sofia hadn't fully understood the role the Varia has for Vongola and the Underworld as a whole. There was no reason for an omega to be given much information. But once they were mates and he realized her lack of knowledge, Xanxus sat with her and explained everything she needed to know. Much of it she understands only in theory, it's not like Xanxus is about to start taking her to executions or send her on missions she doesn't have the training to take. And he respects that Sofia has no interest in assassination or sabotage, she's pretty sure he's a little relieved by that.

Still, Xanxus made sure she knows how to defend herself if only to hold her ground until backup arrives. Sawada, on the other hand, is simply assuming a hidden security detail is all that's needed. During a time when Vongola Skies are being hunted.

[pfreadsandwrites]

Congrats on gaining 100 followers🎉🎉You deserve all of them and more! 🥳 I'm looking forward to everything you're planning to write in the future❤️ As for the prompts, would you please do #160 with Kakashi? Go wild with it 👁👁 Thank you and I wish the best for your blog❤️

100 follower celebration

Okay, here it is! I want to thank you specifically @madaras-housewife because you have been so amazing and supportive from the first fic I posted here and your encouragement has really helped this blog grow and made me write more. So thank you so much, and I’m sorry this took me forever to get out!! This was a bit of an unusual one so it took me a while to think about, and apologies if it’s not wild enough heh but I tried my best to develop it into something. But thank you for everything and I really hope you enjoy this :) I tried my best to go ‘out there’ and wild with it lol.  Also can I just say this mangacap is perfect for the last part of this one-shot lol. 

warnings/notes: third person, Kakashi pov, female civilian reader (she works at the hospital but plz don’t ask for details beyond that lol), pining Kakashi, kinda fluffy, then kinda sad, then kinda hopeful, marking this as 18+ since there is a paragraph that is brief NSFW mentions, in my mind this takes place between the time skip between part 1 and part 2 but it doesn’t really matter. Told in 4 small vignettes/parts essentially. 2.7k words.

taglist: @allthingskakashi @datblobbyfish @enchantedpendant @madaras-housewife @ibukiirisha @praisingkuroosbedhead @cinam00n @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored

160. “Do you think you could teach me that?”

i.

It’s a simple question.

Of course, it’s also a pointless question, one that Kakashi’s sure she’ll see through, one that he shouldn’t even think about asking.

Of course, he’s in the hospital again. Of course, she’s the one with the misfortune of tending to him again. Of course, he’s mesmerised while her hands dutifully wrap the tourniquet around his arm, like she’s cutting off the blood to his brain.

So, of course, he asks it without thinking.

The self-admonishment starts before the words finish leaving his mouth.

Do you think you could teach me that?

His cheeks heat up as the words catch up with him. They echo again and again, serving only to jeer at him further. What the hell is he thinking, making a request like that? A request that’s so nonsensical, so outlandish, so flimsily shrouding its true intent that she’d be justified in ridiculing him right there.

But it’s done now. Here he is, asking a bizarre favour of a civilian woman already doing him a favour.

Kakashi’d be content if the ground gives away underneath him, snatching him from this damn hospital bed. When he ponders the situation further, and he finds himself contemplating her reaction - no doubt a bewildered, adorable expression would grace her beautiful features (God, how much deeper could he get?) - he almost wants to slap himself. How did he go from the Copy Ninja, Konoha’s best jounin, to an awkward dork so swiftly and smoothly? Not only that, but she hadn’t even said anything yet. Kakashi wanted to die.

Fortunately, she only pauses. Unfortunately, her delicate fingers still against his skin, and the sensation flusters and soothes him simultaneously. But it’s only for a moment, before she diligently returns to the task at hand. Even if she’s surprised, or worse, amused, she knows to conceal it. Taking his question seriously in that earnest way that only she can. It should have eased his mind, but instead there’s only guilt at having perplexed her.

“…You want to learn this? Don’t you have enough on your plate?” She asks, bereft of judgement or ridicule.

He shouldn’t have expected any less, he knows that, and yet he still finds himself on the edge. On that precipice between anxiety and comfort, where he’s always standing around her. He can’t even formulate a response to her simple question. Yes - he probably did have enough to do. And yes, he wouldn’t have got this far without some knowledge of first aid and basic medical ninjutsu - and she probably knew that too.

“I could probably manage. It’s not a problem if you don’t have the time.” As typical as it is for him to answer a question without explaining himself further, he berates himself for it this time. Why had he made this so convoluted? And why does she let him?

“I could probably make time,” she retorts, though her voice remains gentle. “I just didn’t think there’d be anything useful you could learn from me, or that you didn’t already know.”

Nothing useful you could learn from me, or that you didn’t already know.

This time, her words echo in his mind. They’re just as kind and nudging as he thought they would be. But that didn’t mean they were any less ridiculous.

Apparently, there’s nothing he can learn from her. Nothing she can teach him.

Nothing he can learn from the woman who always smiles so brightly and indiscriminately at anyone who graced her that it renders them all equal - turning everyone from the grumpy old curmudgeon to the innocent newborn to cheerful, optimistic entities at her mercy. Nothing he can learn from her inability to use her mysterious power for anything but good, to see the value in everyone, in him, against all better judgement.

Nothing he can learn from her selflessness, and her weird knack for chiding herself for her momentary lapses in kindness, for things others don’t think twice about. Nothing he can learn from her patience and empathy in the most ridiculous situations, and her faltering in it when she draws the attention inwards.

Nothing he could learn from the woman who’s determination to revel in life, even as the opposite surrounded her, surrounded him, surrounded everyone in this cursed village, managed to bring even the heavy weight of death to its knees. Nothing he could learn from the woman who didn’t even seem fazed by it, as she tended to the hospital’s neonates with a giggle and a zest for life that he barely comprehends, much less hopes to emulate.

If - he surprises himself at his optimism, but he owes it to her - he’s incapable of learning nothing from all that, then there isn’t much hope for him at all. And if there’s one thing she inspires, if he can even pick one, it’s hope.

Kakashi eventually stops ruminating. And of course, she lets him. A wry smile forms on his lips. “I wouldn’t say that.”

She glances back at him expectantly. Curiously.

“I think there’s a lot you could teach me, you know.”

She’s already taught him without intending to, he remembers, when she doesn’t press him for an explanation. She only smiles that shy, powerful smile.

But they both know it’s acknowledgement. Of what he’s trying to say, of what he’s asking her in his awkward, haphazard way. Kind as she is, even if she shouldn’t be, she agrees.

***

ii.

And so, ever the one to keep her promise, she sets about teaching him. And Kakashi, ever the one to falter, but never one to abandon, keeps coming back. He’s a quick learner in more ways he thought.

She teaches him that finding something to smile about in the day is easier than it seems.

She teaches him to laugh when he drops by the hospital to see her and a very small patient points at his hair and berates him from escaping from the geriatric ward.

She teaches him allowance for his mistakes, and respite for his suffering.

She teaches him what a fool he’s been for denying himself an embrace all these years.

She teaches him that a kiss might be more eternal, more damning, more fate-consigning that it has any right to be.

She doesn’t have to teach him just how intoxicating, addictive it is to kiss her between the legs. She doesn’t have to teach him just where and how to move his tongue before she’s tugging at that wild silver hair of his. And when he moves in her, when she clutches onto him for dear life, whispering his name in that weak, but lingering whimper, when their breaths mingle together and she manages to exalt everything from him - his love, his strength, his seed - she doesn’t have to teach him that though the price of vulnerability is high, the reward is even higher.

She teaches him, when he dares ask what he sees in a man like her, that there’s an answer to that question that satisfies him.

She teaches him that whilst leaving for a mission used to be easy, it might one day become difficult - even for him, the one who has over a thousand under his belt, the one who only has that many because he wished one would kill him. She teaches him to admit that, too.

And when it does become difficult, just as she taught, he learns that a person waiting back home is much more motivating than a death wish could ever be.

She teaches him to forgive himself, as she begins to accompany him on his graveside visits. She teaches him that there’s a chance - a small chance, Kakashi admits, but a chance nonetheless - that there’s more for his life than living it as a penance to ghosts.

She teaches him that dreaming isn’t just for the young, the idealistic, the good. It’s for the hurt, tired veteran too.

She teaches him that hearing those three words aren’t as terrifying as he’d convinced himself all these years.

He learns, when he finally returns them, that he should have said it back long ago. Because it was all worth it just for that look on her face.

***

iii.

Their time together, dreamlike as it is, is always interrupted.

She’s used to it, calmly nodding in his direction at the summoning bird that’s taken to pecking at her window now too. He nods in kind, and with a quick kiss, he’s off on his next mission. She’s always accepting, always understanding, but the patient stare that bores into his back as he leaps off towards the gravestone (an eternal part of the farewell ritual) belies her anxiety.

Still, Kakashi does make it back. And he does again and again. Sometimes his returns are at the hospital - and that expression of hers, where she doesn’t know whether to chide him for his injury or cry that he’s still in one piece - fills him with equal parts guilt and encouragement.

She still never loses that smile, though. The smile that everyone knows.

He has to leave it behind again.

He makes it back. Without a scratch, for once, but figures he might surprise her at the hospital anyway. Strange. He used to be so good at avoiding this place, and now it’s the first place he comes to of his own accord. It’s just another way he’s lost against her, but he doesn’t begrudge it. Maybe he wants some praise for being more careful, but he won’t admit that outright. Maybe he’s getting worse and worse at waiting for that smile, too.

His optimism is never rewarded. He’s been through enough to remember that, but he’s still foolish enough to forget.

It feels different, today, walking through the corridors that she’s made so inexplicably light, so jovial. She easily leaves her mark without trying, to the awe of shinobi and civilians alike.

So when the atmosphere is dense, experience teaches him to dread it. He asks at the front desk, forgetting his tendency to hide all he can about his personal life. The woman stares up at him with wide eyes, hesitating before regaining her composure.

“(Name) isn’t working at the moment. She’s in room 175.”

She doesn’t say anything else, but it wouldn’t matter if she had. The familiar dread creeps up through his bones.

He’s prepared himself for the worst by the time he’s at her room, but it’s moot when he sees her lying there. She’s lost all her colour, she’s thinner - everything about her that’d remembered these few weeks had become so weak. Her vivacity, her will to endure, had even fooled him. But she was just as fragile as anyone else. Except for him. Why the fuck couldn’t he break, instead of someone else, instead of something that meant anything just this one fucking time?

He sits at her bedside, his calloused fingers touching her dainty ones. She’s only sleeping, at least. Purple and blue spread like constellations over her skin, bandages on her arms and cheeks - the kind of injuries he’d expect on a ninja. Of a ninja too. Thoughts upon thoughts flood his mind - how the hell did this happen? Who did this to her? If she’s not safe in the damn village that he fought to protect, where the hell could she be safe?

And, of course, the curse that he’s done so well to forget he has. Did this happen, somehow, because against all judgement, he had let himself become close to her? It makes sense that he’d only be able to fool himself to a point.

And, of course, as if to shush his self-loathing and anxiety, in that fucking selfless way she always did, that broke his heart even more - her fingers move against his.

She blinks her eyes open slowly and turns her gaze to him. She doesn’t have the energy to smile, but she tries to mimic it in the look in her eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

He clasps her hand tight - and lets go just as quickly when she winces. “What the hell happened, (Name)?”

She softens her gaze. “It’s funny that I’m the one that ended up like this, when you’re the one that went out on a mission.” Her tone is light, but somehow the hum of her voice brings gravity, whether she wants it to or not.

She won’t answer his question. As if she feels guilty that she’s putting him through something, which only hurts all the more. And Kakashi knows that insisting too strongly is too unfair, too cruel when she seems so tired, no matter how much his blood boils.

There was an attack, he figures that much, and he overhears more from a nurse. A drunk jounin who’d come across her on his way home.

It’s dealt with swiftly, with the speed and efficiency Kakashi prides himself on, but it isn’t enough. He can’t forgive himself, even if she does.

She recovers soon enough, but only to a point.

Her smile is gone. The openness she’d inspire in everyone around her, the joy she’d invite - it dwindles down to nothing. It’s all too much, too familiar, a sad story he’s seen up and close too many times.

Any smile she makes now is a facsimile, a ghost of anything she could have offered previously. But her kindness still forces her to attempt it, no matter how much it hurts, when Kakashi looks at her.

As impressive as her will is, it’s only finite. He berates himself as she breaks one night, and sobs into his chest.

But she doesn’t do it again.

She doesn’t seem to do much of anything anymore.

He has another mission.

***

iv.

Kakashi’s at the training grounds again. He’s here a lot these days. When there isn’t a mission, he’s got into the habit of putting his body through the wringer. It’s what he deserves, at the very least. Besides, he has a lot more free time than he used to. As the raindrops mix with his sweat, his lightning style blends just as seamlessly with the sky.

“Do you think you could teach me that?”

The voice is familiar. Gentle, just like it used to be. Shakier than it used to be, but there’s a faint hint of the quiet resolve he used to hear, that he was foolish enough to take for granted.

He pauses. The chakra he’d gathered in his hands dissipates, and he turns around. He’s no amateur, he knew he wasn’t alone. But he could tell his little observer wasn’t there to pose a threat, either. She watches him with her wide eyes, the wide eyes that historically and even now freeze him in place. She was never one to marvel at his ninjutsu before, only acquiescing or being impressed where appropriate, - and that’s not quite what she’s doing now, either.

“Well -,” she holds her right arm with her left. It’s a normal gesture. One that would have endeared him, but only makes his heart sink now. Suddenly it’s difficult to watch her doubt herself. “Not that exactly. I don’t even want to do that even if I could. But anything you can teach me. It doesn’t have to be a lot. I think I’d be fine with a little. It’d be enough to feel better. If you don’t have too much on your plate.”

He’s watching her now, studying that expression in her eyes. Where she’s determined and defiant, even in that modest way. He believes her - she doesn’t want to learn a lot. She doesn’t want to be too much like him. But she’s allowing herself to learn from him. She’s letting herself take, not just give.

“Alright. Tomorrow, then. But let’s get you home first. It’s late, raining…,” his voice trails off, brushing off the rain from his hair sheepishly. “And I could use a break.”

She begins to smile that shy, powerful smile again. It’s sincere, and her ability to infect others with it seems to have returned. “That’s fine by me. I hear you’ve been overdoing it lately."

Kakashi finds himself grinning back.

Do you think you could teach me that?

It’s a simple question.

[lutiaskokopelli]

Hello! I'm sorry I haven't got a chance to talk to you in a whille, so how are you doing today?

Hi! Don't worry about that, every message you leave makes my day no matter whether it takes a while to arrive or not! Besides, it's summer, so I'm not expecting a lot of people to spend their days online haha. Even when I come to my lab, practically everyone is on vacations right now. I hope you're doing alright yourself!

As for myself, there's not much surprise there but I'm busy as ever haha. I've had two weeks of vacation in the end of July, but they probably weren't enough to fully recover -- I'll probably take one or two more weeks in September or October to recover a bit more. I'm working now, but I'm being chill.

It's frustrating when experiments don't work and I keep getting errors when I try to run my simulations, but that part is just research for you. We're called researchers after all, not finders lmao (although it'd be great for everyone if it were the case, but I guess having science advance a thousand times faster would have both its perks and its cons. It already advances fast enough for humans to not be able to catch up properly.)

As for my stories -- Unfortunately for everyone's sanity, mine included, I've fallen back into my old Undertale hyperfixation for the nth time, which means that I'm working not only on TFS, but also on my old Undertale fanfic, which I'm loving far too much to abandon. (To be fair, it'd be more accurate to say that I'm less Undertale trash than I'd be "LWtQ trash." The Undertale fandom is... something.) I wish I weren't that addicted to it, but its plot is just so intricate aaaaaaa If you thought TFS had a complex plot, then you have no idea what my stories are like when I actually HAVE a plot planned from start to end. It's the type of story where every single sentence in the narration (and in some characters' dialogue) can be read a number of different ways, depending on what you already know of the plot. It's not the type of story for everyone of course -- either you love that sort of plot or it's the type of story that gives you headaches. But since I'm personally a reader of the first category, I just can't help but love even more writing that sort of story.

(As for my Gravity Falls comic, my motivation is nonexistent. Good thing is that it means I won't work on a third story at the same time as the other two, cons is that it means I can't even find the motivation to finish the summary I wanted to give the readers because I've reached the point in my notes where it's just written "stuff happens here" without any details, and therefore I can't exactly close that chapter just yet.)

Anyway. Rest assured, I don't plan on working on that Undertale fanfic as often as I work on TFS, let alone on updating it as fast as I should update TFS. Heck, I don't really plan on posting anything until I've written at least a few more chapters, so I could have a buffer of chapters to post slowly and all. But I'll admit it's a bit hard to put it down these days and do anything else. Still, now that the basic preparations are over, I'll go back to drawing TFS. I really want to finish the remastered version and catch up to where we left off as fast as possible.

TL;DR: I'm extremely busy with both PhD stuff and fan-stories stuff, and I'm definitely tired both physically and emotionally, but as always I love what I do too much to give up on anything haha. I'm doing my best to look after myself and stay as reasonable as possible. I hope I'll be able to post again soon!

[thoushallnotfall]

God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 12

Previous // Masterlist

Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Notes: Whoo boy. Okay, we're really getting there y'all.

So this one feels pretty good. Like, it's a turning point story wise for the characters because obviously everyone is supposed to get sober. A lot of stuff from the past chapters kind of gets rehashed and settled (I mean I skim over all of it because this is fanfiction and not a novel, but I did my best) and I've been planning for this to be the big shift for awhile. (Don't worry y'all, you're not free from the angst just yet...)

Warnings: none?? I think???

January 1988

Nikki was dead.

Or he had been; Nikki had been legally dead for two whole minutes before the paramedics had given him two shots of adrenaline to bring him back. The heroin had nearly taken Nikki away from you–away from all of you–and if he'd really died you never would have forgiven yourself for letting your own addiction get in the way of trying to save your brother.

After you found out Nikki was alive, you'd fainted in the lobby of the hospital. The shock, your own drug use, and the blood loss mixing together to knock you out. Luckily, you weren't out long, and you were back up in time to stop Nikki from trying to leave the hospital–which he was in the process of doing when you all got to his room.

You had been so overcome with emotion when you saw him you didn't know whether you should hug him and never let go, or pick up the nearest blunt object and finish the job the heroin had started. He looked like shit, and you decided beatings him to a pulp could wait, choosing instead to cry all over him as you held him as tight as you could. You couldn't even bring yourself to lecture him then, all you could manage was crying as you clung to him, your emotions overtaking you.

Nikki made it home from the hospital and it was decided–with his involvement–that he needed to go to rehab and get clean. But in order to do that, you all had to get clean. You'd been drinking and doing drugs since you were a kid, and you'd been going harder and harder since the band formed. To make it worse, since Razzle's death you had needed the drugs and the booze just to get through the day.

How were you supposed to give that up?

—

You stood in front of the rehab center, Nikki by your side. You'd already used today, and drank, breaking the rules before you'd even gotten into the facility. You knew it was going to be hard, you'd tried to quit the day Nikki ODed, but you hadn't realized just how hard it would be to stop. You kept telling yourself you'd stop tomorrow, then the next day, then the next day–until you'd just said 'fuck it' and said you'd stop when you got to rehab. That's what you're paying them for anyway, right?

You look up at the building looming in front of you, your nerves sending your stomach into somersaults. More cars pull in next to yours. Mick shows up, then Vince with Sharise and Skyler there to see him off, and finally Tommy, with Heather by his side.

You feel your chest ache as you watch the two of them together. She throws her arms around him, pulling him down into a long, passionate kiss as she looks into his eyes, telling him how much she loves him, and how much she'll miss him. You turn away, not being able to stomach it anymore. You feel Nikki's hand wrap around yours and you look up at him in surprise. He smiles at you, lightly bumping his shoulder into yours.

It's the first glimpse of the real Nikki you've seen in so long–the drugs having slowly turned him into someone else, someone dark and angry. As Nikki looks down at you now, trying to support you–knowing full well what you were feeling as you looked over at Tommy and Heather–you could see the old Nikki in his tired eyes.

That, more than anything, gave you the strength you needed to move forward with what you had to do. Whether he realized it or not, in that one small, simple gesture, Nikki had just given you something you needed; something you hadn't had in a long time: Hope.

Hope that you could get your brother back. Hope that there was a future. Hope that maybe you could get better.

You sigh, looking down at the ground. You look back up at Nikki, squeezing his hand tightly.

"It's gonna be alright y/n." He says, a smile on his tired face. You smile back. You believe him, because it's Nikki, your big brother, and Nikki's always right.

—

You sat in the cafeteria, chin resting in your hand as you poked at your food with your fork. The boys all sat around you, looking just as shitty as you felt, the withdraw was starting to get to you all, though you and Nikki were clearly feeling it the worst.

The first few days had been the hardest–not even being able to leave your bed as you writhed in pain. You didn't think you could feel so bad–the aches that spread through your body, the chills, the paranoia–you were sure they'd last forever. You were hung up the longest, staying in your room a week before you could finally venture out with the others. They were all happy to finally see you–or as happy as they could be, given their current situation.

Nikki looked awful, his skin an ashy pale, his eyes bloodshot, the skin around them dark and sunken in–not that he ever looked that great normally, thanks to the drugs. You weren't looking much better, and both of you were sweaty and shaking as you felt the need for a hit of your respective vices coursing through you like fire in your veins.

Tommy was probably the next worst off, the withdraws hitting him hard. He looked tired as hell, and he was just as sweaty as you and Nikki. His handsome face contorted in pain as he sat across from you, smoking a cigarette–the one thing you were still allow in this hellhole.

Then there was Mick. He wasn't feeling the loss of any drugs, but his body was having to adjust to zero alcohol. His normally pale skin had a sickly yellow tint from a case of jaundice. Ironically, his liver had become so used to functioning with gallons of alcohol, once he stopped drinking, it suddenly had to readjust and find a way to function without it–and it was having a hard time with that adjustment.

Finally there was Vince, the only one of the five of you who wasn't feeling like total dog shit. He had already been through rehab once, so this wasn't his first rodeo. Sure, he'd drank after he got out, but he wasn't going nearly as hard as Mick or the rest of you, and he wasn't using anymore, so he didn't need to detox. Honestly, he looked okay–other than the shitty gray sweats they made you all wear.

If the others weren't there, you don't think you have made it this far. Your resolve was breaking down more and more every day–thinking about how badly you wanted a hit. One pill, one line of coke, one shot of Jack. Something. Anything. Just something to take the pain away. If the boys hadn't been there to support you–if they weren't there suffering with you–you'd have left the first day, and you knew it. You felt weak, but at least you had them to help you through this; and you tried to help them too.

"How're we feeling today boys?" You ask, stabbing your fork into your asparagus. The food there was okay for cafeteria food, but while you didn't mind it, you knew some of your more picky friends were less than pleased with it.

"Like shit." Mick answers, taking a drink of water. You smirk as you take a small bite. Leave it to Mick to make you smile even when you feel like garbage.

"So the usual." You reply back. "How about you Vince?"

"I'd be better if I could get a damn decent meal in this dump." He says, looking down at the meat on his tray with disgust. You laugh, though it hurts you.

"You're such a fucking diva." You say, smiling at him fondly. Vince was Vince no matter where he was.

"At least you can eat." Nikki whines, laying his head on the table. "I just end up barfing up half the shit I eat." You shiver. You knew exactly what he was talking about. You stomach already feeling a little uneasy at the thought of putting more solid food in it.

"No shit dude! I can't keep fucking anything down. I threw up less when I was drinking and doing drugs!" Tommy whines, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"The doctors say it'll pass, we just have to give it time." You try to encourage them, but you can't help but push your tray away.

"It does get better–though it'd help if the food was less shitty." Vince says, being supportive while still managing to get a dig at the food in.

"We're gonna be here awhile man–you better get fucking used to it." Nikki says, looking over at him.

—

And so the days went by, and slowly–very slowly, it seemed–your withdraw symptoms started to fade. You couldn't say they ever completely went away, they just sort of dulled, became manageable. And while you started to feel better physically, you had plenty of other things to deal with.

You had a lot of therapy to go through once you started improving physically. Both group and one-on-one. Group was a lot–having to do therapy with the boys was not always something you enjoyed. At first they didn't all take it seriously, especially Nikki who wanted nothing more than to be a dick and play the whole thing off like one big joke and waste of time.

Eventually though, you all started to open up, and things got rough. Lots of truths coming to light, lots of emotions, and lots of crying–particularly on your part. You felt like you had things to work out with everyone except Mick, who you gratefully had avoided ever having any problems or bad experiences with. The other three however, all had baggage you had avoided dealing with–and that's not including all the shit they had with each other.

First up was Vince. Maybe because he'd already been through this before, but he opened up easier than the other boys did. And when he did, the first thing he brought up was the last thing you wanted to talk about: Razzle. You'd told Vince you didn't blame him for what happened–and that was true, you blamed yourself. But there was always a part of you–a sad, bitter part of you buried deep, deep down–that still couldn't quite forgive Vince.

You talked about Razzle a lot in your solo counseling sessions. You were slowly working on untangling your feelings about the whole ordeal; working on unweaving the intricate web that had woven itself around your heart. You were having a hard time accepting that it wasn't your fault–but you were trying, and every day you were getting closer to closer to the closure you had denied yourself for the last three years. You knew now, it didn't have to be anyone's fault.

Bad things happen; that's out of our control. What we can control is what we chose to do with the time we have. How can we chose to live our lives for the people we've lost. Razzle wouldn't want you blaming yourself–punishing yourself–forever. He loved you, he'd want you to be happy.

You knew that.

So now that you had started to accept Razzle's death–really, truly accept it for the first time since that horrible day three years ago–you were finally ready to talk to Vince about it. And you did. It was hard, there were a lot of tears from both of you, but you both made it through feeling lighter than when you'd started. Instead of saying you didn't blame him, this time you forgave him, and you ended the whole thing with a long, heartfelt hug.

Next on the emotional rollercoaster was Tommy. You had been talking about your feelings for him to your counselor–that was another thing you talked about frequently. You had no intentions of ever telling him the truth about your feelings, but there was another incident that you felt you had to come clean about–even if you had to risk Nikki's scorn.

So one day at group you confessed to Tommy about what happened between Nikki and Roxie, and that you'd known all along. You told him you kept it a secret to protect him, but you realize now he deserved to know then, and you regret lying to him. That you regret where your friendship was as a whole during that time.

Tommy shot Nikki a nasty glare, but told you it was okay–he understood why you hid the truth from him. At the time, the news would have killed him, but now he had Heather, who would never do anything like that. He had his own regrets about how he treated you because of your relationship with Razzle–he said he didn't understand what it meant to really be in love then, but now that he did, he understood where you had been coming from.

Hearing him talk about Heather that way cut you like a knife. There had been some part of you–some stupid, childish part–that still hoped maybe there was some mutual feelings between the two of you. You had taken too long to realize your feelings for it to matter, but it would be enough just to know Tommy had ever felt that way about you too. But hearing he'd never really been in love until Heather dashed any hope you may have had that Tommy ever loved you too.

Then, after a long while, Nikki started to open up more. The two of you talked about a lot of things; things that had been building up between the two of you for years. Things that needed to be out in the open if you could ever move forward. You knew you had a lot of feelings–a lot of regrets–but you hadn't realized Nikki had so many too.

You talked about how grateful you were that he'd always looked out you, ever since you were a child. He told you he was thankful that you stuck by him all this time, even through all the shit. You told him you'd been scared when he'd started to act differently because of the drugs, like he was turning into someone else. He told you he was afraid of losing you to Razzle so he'd lashed out–then he'd felt even worse when Razzle died, so he pushed you even further away.

You told him you were ashamed of your drug use and how you let it blind you to how badly he needed help. He told you he was also ashamed; he knew how much you were using and instead of helping you, he'd used it as a tool against you to keep you off his back about his own drug problem. You told him no matter what you would always love him, because he was your big brother. And he said he loved you too.

The whole session was emotional and you were both crying by the end of it. You hugged him, glad to finally have all of your thoughts out there without it ending in an argument. You had missed Nikki–your Nikki, your big brother who you'd known all your life, not the asshole who'd been walking around with his face for the last few years. The thought that you might actually get your brother back after all this time was a silver lining to all this bullshit.

You didn't have Razzle. You couldn't have Tommy. Now you didn't have the drugs–but at least you had Nikki back to his old self again. That was something. A victory. You hadn't had many of those in the last couple years, and this seemed like a big one.

You'd take it.

—

March, 1988

You were going on two months now, and you were feelings better every day. The physical side of things was just taking it one day at a time, but the therapy was really starting to help. You'd waded through the thick of it with the boys, came out the other side feeling so much lighter than you had before. You talked to your therapist one-on-one every day, and you worked through everything from Razzle's death to your childhood abuse and your issues with your mother.

You realized there was medication you could take for your panic attacks if you needed it, but that the therapy was helping you work through some of the problems that caused them in the first place. For the first time in a long time, you were starting to feel genuinely good about your situation and your future. There was still work to do–a lot of work–but talking through your problems without the drugs was helping you feel the best you'd felt in years.

You were in your room, reading. There was only so much you could do with your free time, and you didn't really feel like hanging out with everyone at the moment. You loved spending time with them, but you had started to realize that sometimes you were too reliant on spending time with other people–you needed to be less afraid of being alone. So you made an effort to spend more time on your own. Still, when Tommy came knocking on your door looking for someone to hangout with, you weren't about to turn him down–Pride and Prejudice could wait.

You scooted over as Tommy jumped in bed next to you. While you had tried to stop yourself from being so openly close with him since he got married, Tommy never seemed to care. Then again, Tommy actively cheated on his wife, so who knew what was really going through his head.

"Whatcha reading?" He asks, twirling his drumstick between his fingers. Even though he couldn't practice while he was here, he still carried his drumsticks around with him everywhere. You smiled, reminded of the first night you'd met.

"Pride and Prejudice." You reply.

"Never heard of it." He says. Figures. "What's it about?"

"Hmmm." You think for a minute. "This girl from a poor family turns down a super wealthy, handsome guy who wants to marry her because he's a total dick who insults her and her family."

"She sounds like a badass." He says, nodding his head in approval.

"Yeah, she is." You agree. "Except she realizes after she's turned him down that she was totally wrong about him, and that they're actually really perfect for each other and that she's totally in love with him." You say, looking at the book sadly.

"Oh damn–so what happens?" He asks, seeming genuinely interested.

"I don't know, I haven't finished it yet." You answer.

"Huh. Well when you do you'll have to let me know." He replies with a smile. You smile back, staring up at him.

"Yeah, sure Tommy." You've been staring too long. You clear your throat. "So did you have a reason for coming in here to bother me, or were you just bored?"

"What, I have to have a reason to hang with my best friend?" He asks, faking offence. You laugh.

"No, I was just asking." You reply.

"Nah, I just got off the phone with Heather and I was walking by–figured I'd come in a bug you." He explains. You heart sinks at the mention of the other woman's name. You quickly smile to cover your real feelings.

"Oh yeah? How's she doing?" You ask.

"Aw man, she's great. I don't know how I ever got so lucky." He says, leaning his head back against the wall as he smiles. It felt like someone stabbed a knife through your heart.

"Good–I'm happy for you Tommy." You said, trying your best to smile. "You deserve to be happy." You meant it. Even if it wasn't with you, you were grateful Tommy was happy. That much was true.

"I know it's been tough for you, since Razzle, but I know you'll find love again." Tommy says, looking at you with sincerity in his eyes. You stare at him, and for a split second you think about telling him everything. But just as fast as the urge hits you, it subsides.

It would be cruel to tell him. Who would you be helping, really? He just told you how happy he was–why complicate things by confessing your feelings now, when there's no way he could reciprocate? You smile back at him.

"Thanks Tommy–maybe someday." You lied.

[shiberpostshere]

The Kiss Thief - Park Seonghwa Social Media AU

13. Chapter Nine: Mega big brain boy ✨

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Masterlist of the AU✨

🌸

Yesterday was wild. It was truly wild personified. Your friends and Seonghwa's friends mingled together to create, as Yeosang kept mentioning, chaos multiplied. 

Despite the loud talking, heavy eating, after-dinner meeting and dramatic goodbyes under the influence of alcohol, (No one has yet confessed who switched Cola with Alcohol. Hence, the appearance of bold Jongho) the time spent was the most fun you've had since college life began. 

It was fun but it was tiring staying up late.

The only thing that occupied your mind today was the thought of comfortable sheets putting you to sleep in your bed.

Currently, you're thinking about the same but with different emotions, specifically regret. 

"Why are you making a face like that? This is the fourth time you've zoned out today." Seonghwa's question pulls you out of your trance. 

You two wrapped the daily studio teaching a few minutes ago and the next occupants of the recording studio showed up when you were leaving. As Seonghwa conversed with them, you decided to text Yeri, who delivered you the news, shattering your napping plans. 

Why today, of all days, today I forgot my key? 

You rub your eyes and place the phone in your pocket. "You've been counting?" 

"Well, you're the only person here I am supposed to pay attention to. So yes, I've been counting. What's up?" He asks as you two begin walking down the stairs. 

Groaning, you push your hair back into an aggressively tight ponytail. "I forgot my dorm keys, I wanted to nap but now I need to pretend to study in the library while I complain loudly in my mind." 

He raises a brow, hands fishing out car keys from his pocket. "Why don't you just drink your deathly beverage? Doesn't it keep you all buzzed and active?" 

You stop in front of the building entrance with a smug expression. "Oh, my deathly beverage for which I attended the beverage addiction convention?" 

Looking down, he shakes his head. "Do you want to grab something to eat?" You expected a snarky or teasing remark but what is delivered surprises you for a moment. 

"Together?" The thought of just the two of you sharing a meal is enough for your heart to beat a little faster than usual.  

The time spent in the studio mostly consists of him correcting mistakes and answering your confused questions.

The initial embarassment is only subtly present. His playful comment are mostly absent when he's explaining what Hongjoong has already well explained to you. His presence is comfortable.

When among your friends there's always someone (mostly Mingi) chiming in now and then but this is the first time since you've met that you'll be spending time with each other. 

Frankly, you also don't know how to act around everyone with him when even sneezing is considered giggling. You two haven't exactly acknowledged openly about your high school crush on him other than easy, playful conversation you two engage in quite a lot, whether texting or talking. 

"No, we'll be sitting on seperate tables." He begins walking towards his car. You had half-expected an answer like that. 

"Really? That sounds great, at least I don't have to put up with your nagging." Arriving by his side, you comment with a side eye. 

He offers you a deadpan expression. "Didn't you listen to what Yeosang said? I'm actually that clueless. That open discussion about me, remember." 

"Are you really? I have receipts of your messages admitting how you find my reactions 'cute'." You tap your pocket, contaning the source of evidence, your phone. 

The confidence comes when with him without you having to muster up any.

Seonghwa unlocks his car, a small hint of smile on his lips. "Okay, let's continue this conversation while eating." 

This boy. 

"Are you really that unphased? Are you really that clueless? Teach me your ways." 

He opens the door to the passenger's seat. "I'll feed you instead." 

You place your hands on your chest, followed by a dramatic expression. "Wow, you're amazing at deflecting." 

Seonghwa places a hand on his hip and that's your cue to get inside before losing your free meal ticket. 

You'd rather eat with Seonghwa any day instead of pretending to study at the library with droopy eyes.

🌸

After a ten minutes ride to a small and cozy restaurant, you two are seated in the chatter filled environment with two servings of soup in front of you loaded with vegetables, meat and noodles.  

He arranges the spoons for both of you.

"Better than greasy food that will make you more sleepy." He sips a spoonful and an instant satisfaction takes over his features.

You chuckle. "Oh my god, you're really a mom material---" The comment is instantly regretted as you taste the refreshing soup, enough to widen your eyes. 

He slurps the noodles and then turns to you with a victorious smile. "You develop motherly instincts when you hang out with children." 

"Children?" You're listening to him but the soup definitely has a majority of your attention. "Oh, you mean the guys?"

"All the seven of us are uniquely handful," The smile is still ever present on his lips. 

Even though you haven't spent much alone time with him, you can still detect the warmth filled, selfless nature he had back then and still has it within him now.

That was one of the main reasons you were attracted to him. 

Okay, not now (Y/N), let's not make it awkward. 

You take a big bite of the juicy, broth soaked meat. "You're still as initiative and kind as I remember." Speaking with much difficulty, you hold up your hand in front of your lips, "But I think something went wrong somewhere and you developed the quality of enjoying making fun of innocent girls like me." 

He offers you a tissue with his trademark, unphased expression. "I am actually that clueless." He shrugs. 

You snatch the tissue and wipe the corner of your lips. "Yeah, sure." 

He laughs at the look on your face. "What? You can't take a little teasing from your senior?" 

You throw up your hands in false frustration. "Oh my god, stop asserting your age kink!" 

"It's not a kink!" He says defensively. 

"Yes, sure. Mingi is Mingi but you, you are something else!" You say the statement, knowing that he understands the meaning behind it and begin sipping the remaining broth.

He too, downs the broth in one shot. "What am I?"

There it is, that amused and knowing glint in his eyes and the smirk he's attempting to hide. 

"You're..I don't know, whatever. Seventeen year old Seonghwa would never do this to me" You bite your tongue after delivering the statement.

He crosses his arms below his chest. "Seventeen year old Seonghwa was actually clueless." 

You point a finger at him with an exaggerated smirk. "Ha! You are basically saying that twenty-one year old Seonghwa isn't!" 

He places his head on his hands, shoulders shaking with gentle laughter. "(Y/N) if you keep reacting like that, do you really think I can stop?" 

Your expressive gesture shrinks. "You know what, I understand now." You hold up your hands in defeat. 

"No, don't stop now. We are finally opening up and talking." He gives you an encouraging nod. 

"Oh, don't trick me now. My eyes are about to roll back into my head." Your fingers undo the ponytail to let your hair breath. 

Sleep has abandoned your senses long ago but only now you realise how energized you're feeling.

"Fifteen year old (Y/N) would never." The innocent face of his doesn't do justice to the way he is speaking. 

"Hey!" You protest.

Wow, I sure react to everything he says. 

"Fine, fine. I'll stop now but If it ever gets beyond the limit, tell me." He assures with an honest expression. 

God, you cannot be teasing one minute and be kind the other, no, don't do this Park Seonghwa. 

You huff out a sigh and lean into your palms. "It is harmless anyway but you're too good at it and sometimes you are something else."

He mirrors your posture. "Yes, (Y/N), so tell, What am I? What is something else?" 

Your face falls into your palm and you hear his soft chuckles. 

Not again, Park Seonghwa, not again. 

Pairing: College Student! Seonghwa x College Student! Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, A teeny tiny bit of smut with a pinch of angst

Synopsis: High school crushes are often silly and forgotten. However, you cannot forget the one senior, you "borrowed" once a kiss from. Years have passed and it's a memory you laugh at but what will happen if you're to encounter the same senior in a much different setting and situation? Especially during your first year of college.

A/N: He make fun of you, he tease you but mostly importantly, he feed you 🙏🏻

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