#surely life shouldn���t be this hard

[rennyji]

-pg 1-30 of old tweets right side up

"America-the nation that misled the world & let it astray w/what no country would think of. The evil of their govmt. is fed by their imagination for new ways 2 screw w/minorities.Their people worship their military&flag over God Himself.Those who serve in name, enslave in action.-",

"-for the Americans who hail from some Christian basis in ancestry or whatever, an instruction giving nation, getting the world to act in an otherwise questionable manner, sounds like the Biblical demon, Legion. What did he say? for we are many? Americans, for now, they are many.-",

"-Through instructions and shared stupidity, thanks for ruining an otherwise perfect world.",

"The American people, government, and their f*in military, in connection with the state university in Albany, is responsible for a 10+ year hate crime against a brown man. 10+ years of indignity, of a manipulated life, of a people united against one, under a common secret/notion.-",

"- I had everything in life before America took it away from me. The American public, under controlled positive public perception/opinion on my situation, probably, selfishly allowed this to transpire because they think it will protect their own, from a similar experience.-",

"- next time you wanna make a point, use one of your Aryans with pale skin and blonde hair. F* me for minding my own business. -",

"- saw the Netflix series ‚Manifest‚. Something extraordinary happens to a good group of people. And then the American government!Coming to detain, experiment, restrict- and oh the experimentation, while the rest of the Americans in the show is lost under the delusion of miracles-",

"-Guess which nation allowed their dirty laundry to spread and corrupt the rest of the world? Thank goodness that oceans protect the rest of the continents from this disease in thinking.-",

"-why fear the military? Aside from a select energized few, no one is leaping to go abroad and get a leg amputated.-",

"-These are people who needed opportunity, a leg up, a chance at an education or job, and willing to make the hard choice of risk, and then being praised for a choice on self interest.It‚part of American propaganda?-",

"-The over emphasis and parading of the flag‚I bet half of you can‚t even say why you post these things on your cars and houses‚lemme guess, the neighbors are doing it‚-",

"-and now the flowery crowd jumps to ‚why so angry/mean‚‚oh I‚m sorry I don‚t like prostituting my life for show, an experience that, mind reading, mind control, Lord knows what ‚ get real‚-",

"-posers & talkers, I‚m robbed of my life & opportunity for 10 years while getting to eat ice cream‚but sure, having my values/faith/family/life/mind/body/dignity violated, is no match for the god like military in their neuroscience arms race using weaker minds for amputations.-",

"- and for breaking the fourth wall, don‚t like me? when somehow, for frills in your life, you decided to stalk mine? Are you serious? Are lives that boring? Here‚the takeaway, while you lose yourself to a word or sentence that offended you, amidst a larger picture: -",

"-Wake up America. There‚more of you than in ur government or military. U shouldn‚t be submissive.-",

"-When have Americans trusted anything federal? So why now? B/c of the random allure of fame& fortune? ‚People shouldn‚t be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.‚",

November 2nd and November 3rd Tweets of 2021 right side up/in order in tumblr blog link below...  https://t.co/3poXfpB8QX

something that wasn't tweeted in a separate tumblr blog post...  https://t.co/nTJCIhQodA

"How many American soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Will it take them 12 years in the same way they left me to rot in the Albany school cr*p?",

"Americas military&federal govmnt-a bunch of pigFaced controlFreaks where itsAllAboutThe literal&figurative bacon..oinkOink right @ U..go Russia/China/Cuba/Germany/MiddleEast..USA InEvery1‚business 4 tech&oil..now its individualLives..tryActuallyDoingUrJobs: f*in publicServants.",

"It‚said during the end times, the armies of the devil face off against Christ&His angels or followers in 1 last fight‚you wonder who‚so arrogant&stupid‚American infidels! You would fight God Himself out of the grievances of ur own life and blame game against Him‚-",

- Just like my situation The American armies will tell their stupidly cocky young/middle aged to follow an instruction amidst the hateful faces of their rosy elderly towards the victim. Burn in h*  https://t.co/nvE20FQPkn are the demons Legion for like Legion u r many.

"- who goes where they‚re not wanted ‚ the meddlesome nature of the American middle aged in a 12year situation ‚ have some dignity and move on‚ ur invincibility comes from ur propaganda wielding military with flag postings everywhere‚-",

"-and then the high end commercials to get young people to kill themselves‚it‚through tricking the. They‚re going to be in high end facilities working on high end projects. You‚re just expendable near for the higher ups to throw into the desert.-",

"There isNone amongNations more twisted&devious than America. EnergyVampires as they‚ll suckTheLife outOf u w/ their high&mighty talk,&fictitious values thatDiedThru generations ofLosing religion&cultural roots. They take pride in beingPirates. Their successes&knowledge areStolen.",

"Looks like Albany school and their a*s grabbing lovers in the military gave their next pretext/introduction/warning/context..get ur own lives..12 years of mine, so u rot in jail, get hung, face the electric chair..face me in person u disgusting non a*s wiping demons playing god",

"Bow wow, what barks like a dog&sits&stands like a dog upon its masters commands? Ans: the following of god like Albanyites&their govmt friends stealing my clearly inflated citizenship rights..American govmt. wants U to be their dogs. take a hint so u eat swine & don‚t obey them.",

"Oh gee, I wonder if I told my white slave owners things that will give me a spanking thru mind  f*ks 4 being quote on quote, ‚bad‚‚yeah god like American swine govmt. likes bad boys‚they jack off to people obeying their infinite commandments aroundSome1 who doesn‚t know U exist",

"GetThis: asPartOfAnother unbelievableWay of ‚Äòjustifying‚ 12+ yrs ofGettingAll involved againstMe, American militaryOverlords want 2 beatMe 2 be their crucifiedModel 4 allHopelessCases in paganChristianNamesakeAmerica 2 compare/feelOk. Sorry,noHope 4 any1. Remember, u got no 1.",

"12 yrs of usingMy voice&writing 2 escape my prison. Albanyites,American F*BI, govmt, military-whatever violates citizenship rights-want 2 delude aPopulation. 12 years so I can win aLotto&kiss a*s?‚wat planet were u born on? RememberFrom12 yrs: WordsWillNotSave U. ProofInTime.",

"in 2012, I wanted my life returned 2 normal. I was all pleases/thankUs/& literally telling police I‚ll lick their feet if they lend me an ear. & then yrs later to find out they were all part of it. I wrote clearly 2 stop acting on my behalf,-",

"-I tippy tied around feelings, gaveStory Examples. 12 years later, yeah I couldn‚t give a flying f*k. I am trying to peel off everyone like a scab without the pleasure.-",

"-I have my loved ones, my community, why to even bother in 2012 for the sake of leaving things intact, I dunno‚doesn‚t affect me beyond having to see ur stupid faces from the corner of my eye or something. Do me and ur selves a favor and f* off.",

"get a hobby.I was pretty clear I want nothing to do w/broader range of Americans beyond day to day transactions. I pay for something or go to work, then I‚m out, back to my world.-",

"-I said Im not ur friend/enemy. I said I didn‚t even want 2 be in ur heads, let alone ur lives. 12 years&this..some get a high from injecting their dullSelvesIn LivesOfOthers. My retarded situation aside, I steer clear of all u partakers for yrs. Take a hint from a clear mind.",

Anyone who believes in anything wouldn‚t allow anything to happen to anyone for 12 years. That‚help: ending someone‚torment rather than listening to douche pickles on the next thing to say/do for another 12 years‚America‚insane much‚   https://t.co/p466YHadBM

"America‚it‚military, it‚bureaucracy ‚ it stole more than 12 years from my life to further their mind project against my will ‚. Their biggest excuse to the tantalizing news prone public is I wasn‚t supposed to know ‚-",

"- these several years haven‚t been kind and I don‚t anticipate joy and laughter towards the end‚for making me into a fool, a body to be instructed around for every American young and old (I.e. a prostitute) I hope to God for the justice He have Samson against the Philistines ‚-",

"- except justice is from holding americas federal govmt, law enforcement, & military accountable‚Im tired despite my composure over living, in awareness, a massive head game‚-",

- I hope for a moment like Will Smith‚character in the clip in the link below against the white demons with the superiority complex looking to feed on the helpless from ‚I Am Legend‚ from 1 min into it or the last 47 seconds:   https://t.co/wDkA2uGM4I

"- For the 6 continents that were led astray by the America Legion demon, influencing the world around one Indian man just trying to push forward with his life or mind his business, you should see the Netflix 2021 movie, #DontLookUp",

"DontLookUp",

"- ‚Don‚t Look Up‚ depicts American reactions, government abuse of power and government officials, the handling of/misleading truths around a crisis, relationships, secularism -",

"- &finally,2end continuedThought of tweets, dashed @ start, on2021 Christmas w/darkSkies in N.Y., inPlace ofSunOrSnow, w/America‚useOf psychology&sedation as threat 2 control/discipline thePublic &their ‚drunken-urHigh‚ perspectives, #DontLookUp is theUSA lookingInto aMirror.",

"DontLookUp",

"The way some of U react or see whole thing going on w/me: its truly remarkable how out of the loop U are with a 12+ year phenomena. TantalizingNewsUSA doesn‚t realize lack of complexity2it&clever hand of the government 2 manipulate a past crime done ‚unto‚ me 4 aMilitaryProject.",

Regarding Americans using my life like Im their prostitute its like 37 secs in2 this clip till end of it: Neville says ‚theyre not gonna stop‚then U see deranged Americans unable2face off against a person in personenjoying power over others..12+ years.  https://t.co/wDkA2uGM4I

"#DontLookUp¬† represents ignorance of America (be it guy on street or a newscaster), deception by America‚government toward its people, the lack of seriousness & severity encouraged by U.S. government from its people, & psychological disorders in typical American, undiagnosed.",

"DontLookUp",

"Had 2update bio‚4 whatever reason, was not clear 2 point, where typical American, misleading a world looking to hope/believe/trust brand name of ‚America‚, thinks the arrow/spotlight is on them: the enablers.People haveBeenInPrison 4 shorter periods than my 12+year enslavement.",

"MindControl/attempts @ mindReading..theres a thought..USA may cleverly 1 day pass it off as brainMappingProject on1 guy w/fancy terms like predictiveAnalytics. AsTrueAs Im human asNextGuy, typicalAmerican willSpread thisProblem 2entireWorld..govmt‚ll sayItsHoax, &AmericansBelieve",

Oh look it‚the cr*ppy American flag that its superficial pretend polite people worship first and foremost along with their military‚military and flag takes precedence for them over family and even God Himself‚they have the nerve to create the expression ‚‚Bless America‚   https://t.co/USY0dF7e6e

In my 12+ year predicament where my American citizenship rights were denied with it being longer than some prison sentences you realize the sh*tyy  value of America‚it‚label is good for wiping urself‚is that cr*p or mud below?‚who knows‚hopefully cr*p‚   https://t.co/GxfokQNNGk

"from my experience, the military could be looking for a way to induce states of mind at their whim like DiCaprios character in the ‚The Wolf of Wall Street‚, where, depending on the need or situation, he does Marijuana and cocaine.-",

"- It‚the military‚new covert way of tormenting brown people from Asia. They can now discreetly screw w/ peoples heads by a thought or button push. Want a real example? Google ‚HAELO PEMF device‚. in the same way u induce focus w/ the device, the military screws thru ur brain.",

"RT @RennyJi: MindControl/attempts @ mindReading..theres a thought..USA may cleverly 1 day pass it off as brainMappingProject on1 guy w/fanc

Falling victim to the U.S. ...  https://t.co/x3R93I0nua

Transcript to vimeo video plus *additional stuff (updated 2/26/22):  https://t.co/FrsHIOqTkS

price of being an american citizen...  https://t.co/llVt40IoPD

transcript for second video in previous tweet...where style of talking may cause ambiguity and result in need to see talk in writing:  https://t.co/sXs81n2xIx

foul play when just one person is out of the loop...  https://t.co/vPt8uKIgMS

transcript for third and last video...  https://t.co/acH48FMHUY

"‚People don‚t want news‚they want entertainment‚‚ - ‚The Morning Show‚ on Apple TV

"‚People want stories‚not facts‚‚ - Apple TV show: ‚Suspicion‚",

"- and as a result, as I‚ve been saying for more than a decade, people forget everything in the midst of what‚tantalizing‚no one cares what really happens nor for how long-more than a decade

"White people and their dogs.. Nice evening walk? Leash your dog. Want to listen to your ape overlords to get my attention or forge a coincidence? Wave and I‚ll know also you want my attention. When you go to Home Depot with your dog, white guy, leash your dog

"- that‚two in the same day‚people who don‚t leash their dogs‚careful you might hurt your friendly neighborhood minority minding his own business‚Americans stick to the business of your country folk

"So something federal with America, turns me in, essence, to their porno. They‚ll go so far as to turn my own blood against me. As they‚ve been doing this for more than decade, I kinda got old in between. Children, play games with someone else. Parents, I‚m me because that is me.-",

"-No point 2 whatever alien knowledge comes ur way. Foreign community in my vicinity takes it upon themselves 2 know what Im thinking while American overlords screw w/my brain as a leash, while open season on me from those who otherwise wouldn‚t bust a grape in a fruit fight

"Just walking by the tv with the news on, and I hear there‚another shooting‚-",

"- so to be clear, I‚m not out to make grand points to save the world‚but moving past that, I think the shooters were all white‚I think, don‚t quote me, when a perpetrator is white, they don‚t say it was a white man or Caucasian man‚-",

"- you know what‚ironic? Something federal with America has taken away my rights, freedoms, privacy.-",

"- Apparently for the Americans and their society and country, (ur retarded if you think I‚m one of you with a decade plus of everyone holding a secret against me), they‚ve made it open season to cause me problems‚they‚ve even coerced or brainwashed family into it‚-",

"- but what am I getting at? Multiple recent shootings. Shooters are probably all white.-",

"- for those attacking Israel, I learned in a high school history class there‚a concept in Islam called ‚People of the Book.‚ Maybe Google it along w/ word ‚Quran.‚ The beliefs of Islam were conveyed to Mohammed via the Angel Gabriel- the same angel who spoke 2 the Virgin Mary.-",

"- ‚People of the Book‚ is a concept Muslims cannot or maybe should not attack Jews and Christians. They‚re not what was considered pagans or maybe even the term infidel. But Islamic extremists attack Christians and Jews, despite the common ancestry in being Abrahamic religions.-",

"- for someone like a stereotypical Trump supporter, on the other side of the spectrum, did you know that even Muslims believe Jesus is returning in the end times? The difference is that they see Jesus as a great prophet and not The God.-",

- and on the topic of Trump supporters has anyone else seen this?:  https://t.co/CN2h5rSXDf

"- passion like the insurrection on the capitol is admirable, maybe even enviable. But was it thought through? You march. ok. The colonists threw tea bags out against the British with the Boston Tea Party. You break glass to get into the building and then what?-",

"- are you expecting the 350+ million people in America to follow a new code of conduct? What if everyone behaved that way? And they have, like with the storming of 200 people at an Apple Store in Philadelphia. -",

"- Trump is a talented guy. period. But is everyone ignoring the elephant in the room? He speaks in the vernacular or common tongue of a typical American. He knows that those speaking that tongue like a certain passion and certain topics.-",

"- Knowing this, Trump shouldn‚t say things like not to show weakness, or we‚re going to ‚take back‚ a stolen election. I‚m still confused? Did anyone actually do a recount of the votes/ballot? What is the stolen election based on?-",

"- after the insurrection, Trump posts a tweet and says I love you: what about the people who died or were assaulted, the property damage, the people who got arrested? Regarding those arrested, right now, are they caring about trump‚‚I love you?‚ Will they be freed from prison?-",

"- Trump is smart is stirring the fervor with his supporters. He knows that fervor can be used with his mentality of ‚get even‚ vs. not getting down or losing.-",

"- That fervor gives him an unhealthy amount of power with a militaristic group of people after saying to court clerks that something should happen to them. -",

"- all that said, Trump is a smart guy: but I don‚t see why a boarder wall got an appropriation bill passed in support, after his administration. Now because the money was raised for that, Biden has to use it for that.-",

"- But if it was done sooner like a Great Wall of China style, the migrant crisis might not be as bad. You make all this fuss about illegal immigration, but then legally, under the label of migrant, people come over, inciting the reaction of the American natives who are jobless.-",

"- I don‚t understand this thing with the wording behind laws. Apparently under the Impediment act, if another president wanted a bill passed for a wall, the next president can‚t use the money for anything else. In this case, a wall should be built.-",

"- There‚no room for being sentimental about it. Your not hurting someone by maintaining the structure of a country. For proponents, it‚like they‚re saying, why can‚t we have more illegal immigration.-",

"- you can get into the country by claiming asylum but you can‚t cross the border. The play on words when dealing with legalities doesn‚t make sense to me. People need to interpret the law, not follow it blindly.-",

"- It‚about something as basic as strict constructionists vs. loose constructionists. Interpret law & it will work for all times and seasons. Even Christ took it up with the Pharisees when their law prevented some1 from saving someone in a hole. Some1 falls, U help them up.-",

"- but to close the lid on Trump, it‚a little unnerving when there‚this group of orchestrators spinning the world against you. I know first hand. He should take out of his language indirect and direct threats.-",

"- and then there‚Congress-The House with its Republican majority. I think the term of Speaker of the House is 2 years. When ousting your speaker, consider its only been 10 months. When trying to get rid of him, consider however much he accomplished in the limited time.-",

"- the world is a dynamic fast moving place. One week a country is at peace, and then war.-",

"-Yet, American govmt. & overlords want 2 harass me, when Im just working or going on w/my life is it 2 test my level of irritation? Looks like while Americans wasted time on me, they let hostile people/shooters looking like them, on multiple occasions, cause chaos 4 their people.",

"If ur bored, I haven‚t tweeted anything in a while, &if U want 2 bother throwing ur precious time my way, read the last 10 tweets, going backwards‚read from the 10th tweet down and all the way up to the most recent tweet (since that‚twitter‚tweet order) -food for thought

How the American Christians refer to any notion of God as heard in this clip (for them life and it‚problems are God‚fault not because of theirs their governments and the failings of others in their vicinity)‚they‚ll wave the flag but they curse the idea of God‚  https://t.co/VXfeDxbTRU

The double standard of the American whites vs immigrants and the rest of the colored residents of the world:  https://t.co/kS4029zdnF

"Was watching a movie and heard about how American satellites roam the earth, keeping tabs on all nations. It has to do with their D.O.D.‚paranoid approach to defense. If you weren‚t bad people trying to control everyone else‚actions, you‚d probably have nothing to worry.-",

"- America creates nukes 4the sky, water, earth, they try 2 seize Afghanistan 2 have a foothold in Middle East‚so the U.S. can have nukes, america-in practical approach, though not on paper-can expand territory‚but if any1 else does what the U.S. does, theyll gang up on them.-",

"- America expanded their control from what nations as a whole do, to what individuals in those nations do, with their far reaching mind control/mind reading. and they cover it up with the rantings of the idiot Albany based arrogance who think they know everything. -all parasites.",

"Exerting control, dating back 2 white mans subconscious desire 4 slavery over physically superior counterparts, & ganging up on all who differ from them-all part of American lust 4 dominance.Control &forms of ganging up on individuals/countries is their theme.",

"An extended thought-",

"-So America has shown its prowess in being a nuclear power. In 1998, India had to fight against all odds to reach that same status because America didn‚t want someone else competing with them, despite China and Pakistan being nuclear powers in the region. -",

"-After India succeeds in joining the ranks, America ‚retaliates‚ with sanctions/restrictions. So everyone else has to listen and obey the all knowing Americans on a massive continent, by themselves, across oceans?-",

"-It‚this thing with the white race‚other groups try to live well, but for those like Americans, living well is boring. They need to overstretch ambition and conquer other lands.-",

"-Nowadays it‚through propaganda and economics while getting on, at bare bones, Putins case, for a less hidden agenda for Ukraine. -",

"-People of the American conquerors, feel, in midst of that ambition, that they need 2educate world by erasing other peoples cultures&values, cuz theyre thinking is they‚re Asguardians from Thor or the advanced race. Theyre doing this w/my family&me. Sadists? Sociopaths? Psychos?-",

"-And in India & abroad, now they‚re replacing Indian means of establishing mental strength w/ psychiatric meds that not even the creators fully understand. Like I said in previous tweets, Americans are into ‚control‚ & ‚ganging up‚ on others when they cannot have that control. -",

"-When India disobeyed the Americans, they get other nations to express disapproval and pass sanctions. Control and ganging up again. In my life, the Americans wanted to steal from my family and me. Greedy opportunists.-",

"-So they exert supreme control over my life and get a nation to withhold the truth to my situation from me. What? Do the American stalkerish audience disagree? Is there a lie in that sentence? Does America not exert supreme control over my family and my life? -",

"-Again control and ganging up. Then there are what the Americans do in their workplaces and schools. In schools, the ones with the attention, gang up on, or harass those they view beneath them.-",

"-At the workplace, you could end up in a scenario where the entertainment hungry zombies in your vicinity, gang up on an individual so that they can react or listen to their supposed thoughts or results from invasion of privacy.-",

"-America is all about control and ganging up on those they cannot control. Look away youth, find amusement elderly, truth is truth, ur all a piece of work and deserve each other.-",

"- and that‚the end of the extended thought, starting backward from 12 or so tweets ago. That‚in addition to the other tweets from earlier today, on, 6/24/22 .",

"I think when most people shop for coke or cola or soda, they typically buy what‚on sale. Sure companies like Coca Cola and Pepsi try to push their brands as something more attractive, but I don‚t think people are that picky when it comes to the taste between them.",

"Coca Cola is iconic. It has less sugar than Pepsi, the last time I checked, which admittedly was years ago. I think for subtle taste buds, that small decrease in sweetness adds to the taste.  It‚not heavily advertised like Pepsi with its Michael Jackson sponsored concerts‚-",

"U can now get the Mexico sugar cane glass old school Coca Cola bottles at Chipotles or an H mart. I think at ShopRite you can get medium& small sized plastic bottles. Ive heard not so pro male rumors about Pepsi‚other brand Mountain Dew.Comparatively, I think Sprite is better.",

"I like how Pepsi adopted the blue color for its bottles after yrs of a predominantly white can. But there‚a nice feel to bottles Coca Cola uses vs the dominant can style drinks of Pepsi.-",

"Maybe Ive had Coca Cola polar bear engraved in mind from Christmas time, but I prefer that during holidays. Maybe it‚the red color of the can/bottle during the green&red Christmas colors season‚combine it w/a possible white (from snow) Christmas,&U feel like a cozy polar bear.",

"But Pepsi has arguably some good brands. Like Tropicana for instance. But they sell a same taste less sugar version called Trop50 for a higher price. Doesn‚t it cost more to add more sugar? Or is the cost of the added sugar less than the cost of charging more for less sugar? -",

"Trop50- the less sugar version of Tropicana orange juice should just be the regular Tropicana. With obesity on the rise, why bother with the added sugar?",

"Something that Pepsi did right is the Bubly brand. While you get a watered down version of it for free at the PepsiCo locations, what they sell in the cans has sugar free reasonable flavor. It‚a great alternative to seltzer or even water.-",

"I personally drink Bubly after adding two capfuls of the separately purchased flavor to the 1 liter of carbonated water from my SodaStream machine.-",

"Bubly is good for home drinking, but if I were 2 buy soda at Chipotles or McDonalds, for whatever reason, I‚m inclined 2 buy pre-made/pre-bottled Coca Cola. Maybe it‚because I cannot make that with water and a soda stream machine.-",

"But Pepsi seems to acquire some solid brands. It has Pizza Hut pizza (though I also like the Brooklyn style pizza of Dominos or the Little Caesars good low price pizza). It has Starbucks, though I think America is missing out on Nescaf√© Dolce Gusto coffees‚-",

"But that said, regarding Pepsis and Coca Colas 2nd-ary brands like Mountain Dew or Sprite, respectively, I think after a workout, if I want sugar, Sprite in its lime flavor would be more favorable/refreshing than Mountain Dew. But then lime flavor Bubly isn‚t a bad choice either.",

"- I guess the overall point I‚m trying to make is why companies charge more for less sugar or what makes us choose one brand over the other in terms of similar products‚-",

"Another ominous type thing probably worth breaking my silence here and elsewhere, in plain English, is:Has anyone noticed the amount of blue eyed people in movies or amongst American actors? I started watching Charlie Wilson‚War, &U just seem to see a lot of blue eyed people.-",

"Blue eyes, genetically, is a less common trait- I think. So whats w/all blue eyed people in American cinema? that said, eye color seems 2 be a good way of establishing commonality or national identity in a country like America where people are of different skin tone&features.",

"I guess it‚a conspiracy like everything else‚mind reading, mind control, the addition of unneeded sugars to drinks, surge of blue eyes in cinema, lack of cholesterol free whole eggs at a time of genetically engineering strawberries to be more flavorful & bigger‚conspiracy..",

"There‚something that keeps me up at night‚Y R Bollywood movies leaving iconic song/dance just to 1 at the end of a movie, if any? Movies like Kal Ho Na Ho, Main Hoon Na‚w/their songs, their plots, were an experience 2 have. Songs like Mahi Ve were 2 mimic @ family functions-",

"- Movies like Dobaarra, from 2022, have an interesting spin to stories or plots to a movie‚but ur losing opportunity 4 songs & dance‚Bhangra Paa Le‚feel like that‚a rare window 2the evolution of dance & opportunity 4 dance, in terms of movies that make opportunity 4 dance‚-",

I miss mid movie song and dance in my Hindi movies like:  https://t.co/zNliFc7UL2

Or like   https://t.co/5wiBZlh6fQWhen women were more feminine in behavior

- it when my all time favorite actress Juhi Chawla danced to rhythmic beats   https://t.co/FDGotk40bn

Or beats like   https://t.co/BAxE9TaZFE

A song from every family function  https://t.co/6MXH7OjvMB

A song too cool for one period in time:  https://t.co/xAb4tghlB4

A song with insanely synchronized dance movements:  https://t.co/fVPOgeACep

A favorite  https://t.co/Td1WYefdEI

One of the few modern Indian music videos thanks to the millennials:  https://t.co/axiQodpN5Y

"Hey Bollywood, do me a favor&come back w/ immersive movies again‚some of us are prisoners of the mind&need our escape‚bring back female actresses that are very much in ur face & womanly like Juhi Chawla or Madhuri Dhixit or Sri Devi or Ameesha Patel‚-",

"- modern day actresses look like girls, not women. I‚m a guy who looks like he‚from the 80s with my sideburns and once voluminous hair. I need someone who matches at least for vicarious living through movies in my controlled restricted life, all thanks to the Americans

"But Bollywood seriously, make movies every 10 seconds like you used to‚ I have no life‚I rely on the frequent release of movies‚COVID is over‚no excuses‚need a taste of home with the Americans doing as they please with peoples lives for more than a decade

"Apparently bouncing boy from the Legion of Superheroes finds it ok to include my properties doorstep on his apparent walk around the neighborhood‚where do these guys come from? You‚re on tape

"So, when in a situation, where ur constantly on the spot, and the American government ‚enables‚ people to express their true a*s hole selves, the remarkable thing is:-",

"- it‚usually people compensating for something/some1 making themselves feel better by screwing another, some loser, some person who cannot get a date - an undesirable sort- that takes advantage of the aforementioned opportunity from the government‚take a hike Ike

"But now something more civil-",

"Speaking of superhero ‚shows,‚ as there is no hero in life, - get a load of these pics:-",

Some of these are examples of what animation used to look like I.e. mature:   https://t.co/wy4NNwIgB4

- now look at animation of modern marvel tv shows:   https://t.co/wDSHXIG6BI

Look at the childish plot descriptions of modern shows for kids :   https://t.co/sKChqBk61T

- Now look at plot descriptions for shows like the x men series from the 90s:   https://t.co/vbYZtkDUJe

- here are some more mature animation for kids:   https://t.co/qNOoSB1jAP

Compare the plots from left to right. The first is animation following the 2000s. The latter two are from the 90s. The first pics plot is ‚Spidey gets the hiccups‚(actual hiccups). In the 90s the plot was about time travel or the phoenix saga or the apocalypse  https://t.co/2UvPIwB2n4

"It‚like with everything in the modern day. At companies like PepsiCo, you have to bow down to your fearless leader or boss at every random whim and ask permission to send emails‚random stuff‚ or you could be the one technical guy isolated to not be able to answer questions

"In the modern day, if ur found drunk and walking aimlessly on the street, you don‚t get a ‚good talking to,‚ you don‚t get sentenced to jail for overnight precautions, you get sent to the behavioral health or psych ward centers

"- some guy could‚ve just had a retarded night and you use up tax dollars and above all, space, for mentally ill people‚it‚probably because of these stupid redirects to mental health facilities, the real psychos are shooting up schools ‚-",

"u can go2a Macys nowadays&have staff stalk U 2another counter if, @ the first, U didn‚t get help sought. 4 having serious face of a dark skinned individual or a  face of opposite playful faced Caucasians, (contrasting 2 what‚rooted in Middle East), Ull be told u make girls cry.",

"- &then overall emphasis that people in powerful positions put people in less powerful/vulnerable positions‚they say things like theyre following some protocol, theyll try 2 control U by saying ur aggressive, not calm 2 instill a reaction, or make u look psychologically impaired",

"If psychology were as effective as religion used to be, or if better medications and counseling were available, as people in the modern day claim, why are their shootings by, contrary to perception, by all these white people (yeah sorry no offense)‚wtf

"A common theme that applies just about  in every facet of American life: forms of quantity are placed as more important than quality in things‚America preaches better mental health or civilized people‚like saying ‚all these things are going well for us‚‚ I.e. ‚all things‚, -",

"- but quality wise, there is no clear evidence of civil people or sound psychology‚you have kids threatening schools with guns‚and you waste time throwing the village idiot or the local drunkard in psych wards for wandering aimlessly on the street while inebriated

"Then there‚the bureaucracy in America and it‚government. Just because the constitution doesn‚t specifically say you cannot f* someone in the head, doesn‚t mean it is now a good thing to do. You need a degree or license for common sense?!-",

"- Three branches of government, where the legislative alone, with the house and senate, it‚a circus to make a decision it takes forever to carry out stupid proclamations and petty decisions on not so hard subjects‚people frown at kings and dictators‚-",

"- but the way kings and dictators work? They have a council for advise and one guy makes a decision on sound advise. In America, you have all these people debating healthcare for all, or something simple to talk about‚healthcare for being expensive is the source of contention?-",

"- do any of you realize how much Uncle Sam takes from peoples paychecks and 401ks and purchases? If you make six figures exactly like $100,000, about $40,000 goes to taxes. It‚un-f*in-believable.  That‚from one person making a half decent salary.-",

"- there‚at least 350 million people in America. Imagine if just $10,000 was coming from every person. what is govmt. doing w/all this money? & then f*me if U own a house. Do U know 4 a square plot of land or walking space in a big enough livingRoom, thats $10,000 property tax?",

"If you buy something that‚3-$400, there‚close to another $100 with tax. Now multiply that by the American population a 100 times more for groceries, electronics, new phones‚-",

"Get this.The orchestrators of my situation want 2 make my life hard after showings it‚so nice. Im trying 2 get where they come from. Some of these guys have never hard a decent meal. It‚remarkable that outside of Greek or Asian households, people thrive on turkey sandwiches.-",

"-am I getting screwed over by people angry they‚re eating turkey sandwiches? You pick up on pieces of insight from American Idol type shows. The dream for some of these guys is ‚cruising down sunset boulevard with a hamburger in hand‚‚ your dream is a hamburger?! -",

"- the millennials‚they‚re feeding off of ramen noodle once a day diets? After super expensive educational degrees and now masters degrees? Your lives in this first world country are truly incredible. Try relocating to India or China where ur American salary has more weight.-",

"- in such places, ur rent for a fingerprint scanner door apartment thats fully furnished is $50 a month. Try getting an apartment in Westchester, NY that‚fully furnished, for less than $2000. Then utilities. The people, the govmt., lifestyle, expenses in America: simply warped.",

"There‚a show with the actress from Echoes or Source Code or Eagle Eye, called ‚The Messiah‚ on Netflix or maybe it‚‚Al Mesi‚ the man with the gift in the show tells Americans president to withdraw troops for promoting peace globally.-",

"- it‚just gets a person to think‚when America gets involved in Ukraine or Afghanistan, it‚to promote American footholds and strongholds abroad. Under imperialistic goals, you can about it through wars, economics, or here‚a good one: ‚genuine altruism‚ and style.-",

"-English is now a universal language, & if U were 2 give an upgrade 2 these dilapidated buildings or life circumstances 4 the people living in those harsh conditions of temperature, lack of common language, lack of electricity or other utilities, theyll naturally be pro-American.",

"- Approach can make such a difference. You want to ‚look like‚ you care, then ‚act like‚ you care. America, on top of all the taxes wants to make money, then I dunno sell weapons to the Ukrainians rather than sending an American abroad.-",

"- When you think about it, there‚a lot of scamming done in America. In what sense? For one thing, you have people waving American flags and saying mechanically ‚made in America‚ or ‚thank you to troops‚.-",

"- Y is it instead of training Ukrainians or enlightening Afghanis into leaders of their own troops or providing tools/weapons, ur having 1 of ur countrymen-an American- go there & risk getting killed? Ur basically asking some1 to trade their future, their life 4 those on a plane.",

"- Why is someone else‚life more important than urs? Aren‚t we all equal? It‚about ‚approach,‚ ‚practical kinds of education, quality over quantity of sorts‚but I guess the richest country in the world has to first evolve past turkey sandwiches and mayonnaise

I got this from Amazon. Where do they get the gall to send this wet or dried up sticky wet box to me? You spend $40 on something and get cr*ply product packaging. It‚like someone dropped dish washing liquid on it or carelessly handled someone‚purchase‚   https://t.co/MEIKwQXJiI

The horrible packaging that Amazon puts customers through‚dented boxes that are either partially open or poorly taped‚once again: that theme about quality over quantity‚Amazon doesn‚t seem to be getting it.   https://t.co/NkMjd6qa6A

"And has anyone else noticed the stench of marijuana in front of a string of stores on a strip or in a mall parking garage? The amount of alcohol and depressant type things going around‚realize it‚a gift to be awake and have free will‚-",

"- maybe from the lack of health insurance, people are self medicating with things like marijuana to alleviate anxiety in driving or life stressors or to drown themselves out in repetitive type jobs

"And over the last 16 years of my life, I‚ve run across several people who have bad eye sight.-",

"- There are people who are just about blind in a way that can be corrected by glasses or contacts or LASIK but cannot afford to, or whose health insurance doesn‚t cover it. Disturbingly, they‚re the same people driving on the same road as you for years at a time.",

"How hard is a good idea? Rotating spins or centripetal force might be the way 2 travel at speed of light w/ a few thrusts of air in different directions. Time travel might be possible with a y-shaped flux capacitor where the shape allows it to harness the energy from lightning.-",

"- get off the drugs and think. Maybe a way to prevent cat accidents is to have people enter a speedway of sorts where the speed is commanded by the highway and through repelling magnetism people are prevented from tailgating.-",

"- a good idea can be as simple as a swivel keyboard tray that you can park under your desk with a clamp by rotating it. But even for that, America waits for a China to think of it, as evidenced through Amazon dot com inventory

"Maybe like Marty to Doc Brown, in Back to the Future,‚all the best things are from Japan‚ will be a sentiment that can be extended in the form of ‚all the best ideas are from China‚‚",

The devolution of the Teen Titans:   https://t.co/Ox2bLI7D7j

DC in the 2020s   https://t.co/oODPdHvuVh

More befores and afters with animation from Marvel/DC movies (from mature drawings to immature caricatures):  https://t.co/leMj8Mvme9

"devolution of super hero shows is like something from the Idiocrasy movie.People nowadays are high/sedated & mindlessly going along w/inane plots behind some of these shows‚from experience, Americans will laugh at anything. Some1 trips in Americas Funniest Videos, people laugh.",

"&while concept of multiverse allows multiple spins on stories of characters like Batman or Superman, someone‚gotta realize we‚re constantly coming up with changes to the lives of these characters from the 1950s. We need newer characters&stories like Static Shock introED in 90s-",

And they screwed up the faces the background of all the Scooby Doo characters‚why mess with the classics? Next thing will be The Flintstones and The Jetsons on HBO Max‚things messing with a persons nostalgia of these shows:   https://t.co/XoBLHfzxsr

"gun shot related rap feuds seem 2 be over ‚he said this/she said that‚. so if some1 is, 4 lack of better word, ‚hurt‚ by some1‚insult, is it just me, or isAffected individual so overwhelmed, that he shoots some1?! Where is psychiatry in such situations? Probably notLimited 2rap",

"In my day, I think, among theThings that piss me off, it‚how Apple‚feature request website hasn‚t responded/addressed my concern over their x large screen onThe iWatch Ultra. That concern being, ‚Y can‚t we skip thru a playing music track by sliding fingers on watch screen?!‚",

AmazonOriginal ‚Invincible‚ is a long awaited newAngle/newCharacters/newStoryLine 2 the superHeroScene. Hope theyll hurry up w/Season 2 - That &newStories 2the DragonBall saga. 4 that series can‚t get enough episodes but need something newer than another super saiyan level.   https://t.co/EF1xig0vjn

"I think the 90s were a time when people were quite opinionated about violence in TV like mighty morphin power rangers or dragon ball z. I think its been slowly laying the tracks for this ‚U cannot react‚ 2 anything, anywhere or adding 2 the list of whats socially acceptable.-",

"- maybe people are looking at present day violence like shootings in school, the wrong way. Maybe it‚because you have people implode or keep things in, that you get such violent acts. Outlets like the gym are needed to release or practice accumulated aggression,-",

"- with something like the Dragon Ball Z series, the ones making commotion are pristine American people with time to think- I don‚t know how to say that nicely. I mean these are the people who ground their kids in place of slapping them.-",

"-In the CW series, Superman& ouis, there‚a scene somewhere in the last 2 episodes where Lana Lang slaps her daughter 4 saying her mother is the reason her father cheated on her. Both the comment & slap are unneeded, but then this culture encourages behavior in the daughter.-",

"- the daughter in the series then makes this huge emotional deal out of the situation, where she goes to the father & everyone is laying down how it‚all bad psychology. Ud think psychology makes minds & peoples stronger. Instead it about sedating people & go on about feelings.-",

"- I don‚t mean to be insensitive, but not everything needs to boil down to psychology or be this huge process. Emotions are signs we need to act on a change in our behavior or our surroundings. They‚re not to be treated like leather through a series of refining processes-",

"-If ur depressed about something, then you need to sit down and find the cause, and remove the source of sadness. Or you can use it push through at the gym. Healthy outlets vs drinking away the pain or shooting someone. People should look to ‚putting in the work‚ to be stronger.-",

"- everything had become so delicate and fragile with people tippy towing around others and fearing retaliation. I worked at PepsiCo where they said people should ‚voice opinions fearlessly.‚ I feel people like that, in America just like to preach such things.-",

"- you can mention an advancement or a better way of doing things and it might hurt your managers ego. They call it ‚politics in the workplace.‚ In government, it boils down to ‚bureaucracy‚-",

"- when it comes to parents making a fuss about shows that are violent in the 90s, like either everything and everyone else in this country that is leading perceptions globally, you need to look at context, and not what‚in the surface with shows like Dragon Ball Z-",

"- Dragon Ball Z is the sequel series 2 the original ‚Dragon Ball.‚ Its a show where martial arts is a theme, in the original, & in the sequels. It‚about adventure, brotherhood, sharpening the mind & body and doing great things and journeys with comrades you make along the way-",

"- Dragon Ball Z series builds on original series, probably targeting audience growing up thru it in 80s & into the 90s. But American parents? Oh no, theres blood! It‚violent. Maybe it‚from a high school where I wrote theme papers, but do those parents see beyond the surface?-",

"The irony is, while parents were making a fuss over those shows, they also get into Scream movie series where someone hacking away at someone else. I guess what I‚m saying is, I don‚t get the pick & choose American values.-",

"Your emotions are a sign you need to continue something or make a change. Let it fuel you.",

"Other thing, U have no idea how many people in this country and in the world are waiting 2 say everything on their mind to someone else. At times its not relevant 2 the context of the situation, at times it‚muddied by language barriers. 1 takeaway is people need 2 listen more.-",

"- I think 2 emigrate to Canada, U need 2 pass an English comprehension/writing exam. Maybe also needs 2 happen in the States. It‚1 less barrier 4  effective communication&encouraged listening 2 others. 1 less reason 4 some1 w/an axe 2 grind 2 not misunderstand alleged offenses.",

"I drove past a Kumon math tutorial center yesterday. I remember attending those when I was younger, literally 20 years ago. But it brings to mind how some people say some kids are smart kids while others are lazy.-",

"- in the last 10 or 16 years of my ordeal, I realize people still don‚t have an effective ADD pill, or a successful OCD pill, or even a real understanding of what illnesses like schizophrenia. People aren‚t even under a consensus of what a thought is for different people.-",

"- for one thing, the deliver system of all medications makes no sense. U have a drug you swallow- that then travels thru your bloodstream, going to a lot of unintended places, while also reaching the target place. But a drug for OCD might also be affecting your kidneys & liver.-",

"- why is it that you can‚t have a cloud technology nanotech pill that only releases its contents to the intended part of your body? Wouldn‚t that alleviate the side effects because none of the sources of those side effects are reached?-",

"- An intelligent pill and intelligent delivery system are needed for these western style medications that treat what‚on the surface. I say western meds because eastern treatment systems look 4 ways to heal ur soul thru oils & prayer, which then has a healing effect on ur body.-",

"- theres a short prayer some Christians say, during services, that reflects this Eastern mentality. It goes, ‚Lord, I am not worthy that U should enter under my roof, but only say the word, & my soul shall be healed.‚-(said b4 Communion) Heal the soul, & everything else follows.",

"-Basically heal ur consciousSelf-the part of U speaking a well articulated thought, or conversation piece. Heal ur conscious self, b/c thats the chariot driver controlling all ur horses of thoughts/feelings/words/actions. American meds targets the horses & not the chariot driver.",

"HBO Max has a series called ‚Fired on Mars‚. From the 1st episode, its about a guy getting handled. When ending up in demanding situations, theres some back pedaling, some poorly constructed explanations. He gets stepped on so many times, his speech is of 1 tippy toeing around.-",

"- the first episode shows everyone behaving like animals, basically saying what they think, irrespective of how it affects the other individual. At least for us Indians, from good families, this is an eye opener. People in America lack conscious thoughts or decisions-",

"- some other genia*s might say the show, like many other things, is dependent on perception of different people. Its b/c of notions like that, the legal system is designed 2 be objective. Objectivity vs. subjective thinking is about fact, 1 fact, vs. peoples varied opinions.-",

"- I remember trying to convey to family, my internist doctor, officials in law enforcement and at a retarded school, my side of the story in the most worlds unheard of situation, spanning more than a decade.-",

"- I wasn‚t supposed to know about my situation, and I‚m stuck trying to get it to stop my saying all my observations and theories about what is an actual conspiracy, by definition.-",

"- I remember those like doctors labeling it as mental illness because of the attempts at speech, that was articulating a situation, amidst all sorts of confidence deflators and lack of acknowledgement of the situation. -",

"I‚m in a situation involving the mind. My thoughts may get redirected in some shape or form. For all these high ranking people in the world, flaunting their degrees, those who don‚t have my situation-are you telling me like the retards in the HBO max show, they don‚t think?-",

"- they‚re  not conscious, but like cats and dogs- just impulsive in speech and actions? America advocates 8 yrs for med school programs & an 8 hr mcat exam under notion that it creates doctors with perspective, intellect & compassion. The rest of the world has 5 yr programs.-",

"- yet I‚m not seeing creative, intellectual solutions to the most outrageous and inflated of situations. Because the American legal system doesn‚t explicitly outlaw my situation, apparently it‚ok to do. America breeds animals, not people with evolved or learned minds‚-",

"- at the end of it all, you have morons going on about the system not working or ‚the system works.‚ It‚about how ‚not dumb‚ the individual exercising the system is, not ‚whatever system‚ in question, is working or not working

"- on the topic of animalistic behavior with Americans, saying and doing what they feel or compelled to do (I mean it‚outrageous for the rest of the world and explains weekly school shootings), none of them have the capacity ‚to listen‚.-",

"- Everyone here feels they‚re under appreciated and leap at the chance to say everything on their mind while not listening and giving appropriate responses based on their listening. You end up with blithering idiots.-",

"- adding 2 that, Give people a filter or glasses 2 see thru, that U monologue or don‚t let others speak, in this complete role reversal, lack of listening & talking on part of the other person, worsens. Simply saying this warps weak minds 2 thinking, what if Im seen that way?!-",

"- the interesting thing, the idiots in the orchestrators of my situation have the privilege of seeing thru my eyes. They have the opportunity 2 compare & contrast w:their native thinking.  Even then, knowing they‚re wrong, 4 entertainment for others, they continue to step on me.",

"I asked 4 everything 2 be natural & not manipulated by retarded orchestrators of my situation. What do they do? They find ways&manipulated situations 2 make themselves useful, in what‚clear as daylight: their attempt 2 legalize/ justify decade plus of wrong doing. Rot in h*ll.",

"The Americans focus on surface level symptoms like happiness, depression, anxiety, aggression and it‚their psychology, psychiatry, and associated meds. -",

"- it really boils down to, is peace, anguish, confidence, overcoming fear, & ultimately believing in urself. If U believe, U can move mountains. This deeper mindset is accomplished w/willful decisions & putting in the time & effort. No meds replace the obligations of the soul-",

"- What it really boils down to, on a lighter note, is what older Static says to younger Static, on the idea of belief, in the YouTube click below- even if no one else believes in you, you should believe in you and the universe will conspire to give you ur dreams. -",

- Believe in yourself for that is our greatest power:  https://t.co/mCbgLWFDGT

"Pix11 news in New York, like around 10:15 PM, was talking about how employers are trying to better the work environment. (ex. Things like: Are such and such meeting necessary, is a 4 day work week better, is one day in the office good)-",

"I know about 1 particular beverage company (could be PepsiCo or Gatorade or a Starbucks company, whatever/whichever be the case) that broadcasts ‚voice your opinions fearlessly.‚ You hear things about office politics or getting involved w/ baby showers or not outshining ur boss-",

"- people 4 the sake of the law, preach everyone has a say. But let‚say U have an innovative idea & start employment same time as a manager or start a new project the same time as another new manager. If U email it 2 just ur peers, manager will feel insecure & ask 2 recall it-",

"- U may suggest let‚have an agenda or ‚action items‚ 4 a meeting, the manager will feel insecure over the unstructured & sometimes 5 hr long dragged out meeting where he‚selfishly using the time to learn from everyone else‚inquiries. He‚ll call it: ‚ steering the meeting.‚-",

"- you‚ll say that the day to day tasks aren‚t clear, overall and all around, there‚no focus. Do you know what the head guys will call it? ‚Navigating through ambiguity.‚ So a thought that‚come to mind on multiple occasions is, ‚what then is the manager‚duty?‚-",

"- while u get in2 the fine tuned details of a project, managers will throw around bigger & broader terms like ‚master data master data‚ or ‚did the data discovery take place‚ & then theyll use bigger terms, fancy labels 2 inquire about that: like is phase 1 at a 100% on tracker.-",

"- let‚say on top of everything else your in a slandering phenomena that‚disguised as showing someone naked and their true intent through mind reading. Through some argument with non English speaking parents, for example sake, or w/people experiencing some kind of dementia-",

"- U end up depicted as not letting any1 speak. The phenomenal thing w/ those suffering from inferiority complexes is that they project their delusions onto you and then have the nerve to call you delusional or paranoid. They‚re actually subconsciously talking about themselves.-",

"- now let‚say as part of the slander, when U talk about and preach the importance of listening, you‚re depicted as a monolonguing type of guy. Ur depicted or seen in something as someone who doesn‚t let someone speak. U may even tell someone in two languages, they can speak.-",

"- theyll then keep saying or asking ‚can I speak ‚ pathologically. Even after you explicitly tell them you can speak. I called a pharmacist today. I asked if a newer prescription was received va the partial old one. You hear her getting irritated while you mention that -",

"- ur not talking about the old RX refill number. Either because he knows & doesn‚t clear that, or he‚still confused, u hear his irritation. There are all sorts of direct and indirect forms of not letting some1 finish their sentences. Unless some1s rambling about pure nonsense-",

"- or literally speaking gibberish, I tend to let idiots be idiots. But then to tell someone give someone glasses that you don‚t hear what they have to say, it just compounds needless problems. But back to corporate America-",

"- you wouldn‚t believe the amount of people practicing the motto of ‚faking it until you make it‚ some guys you see turning red, others give mechanical responses from someone else‚email,-",

"-another guy will use common expressions like ‚have a good 1‚ or ‚ thats what I was saying: gotta break some eggs‚-what the h*ll does any of it mean? U have blind leading the blind while other blind people walk around in perpetual circles & take 5 days or months 2 do 5 hrs work.-",

"- then there‚the group of people who are probably operating off of a sluggish type of diet or who need caffeine. No 1 is saying what they mean. Then you have people working in Australia & India and elsewhere. To accommodate them, u have 2 wake up at 7:30 for a 9-5 paid workday-",

"- some of the meetings in these places at 7:30 are bull sh*t. ‚Hey everyone, let‚spend the first half hour of a 90 min meeting playing scrabble or talking about our favorite hobby.‚ It‚ll promote commradery . Do you need this farce to ask your coworker a question? -",

"- next bull sh*t about breaking the ice. People are hired 2 do a job. It shouldn‚t be banned 2 talk 2 some1 or difficult to ask a question. Weak minded people. & then after the five hr meeting where people are making guesses about how 2 do something instead of asking a question,-",

"- after that massive waste of time, you then still have to finish your normal work even if it goes past 5 pm, when ur only paid 9-5, and no overtime.-",

"- and heaven forbid you go to Human Resources and speak against ur manager. Next thing about office politics is that Human Resources will put on a show of supporting or hearing someone‚perspective, but they‚re only interested in defending the company from legal issues.-",

"- theyll say we put one of our people there to support you, when really all they do is listen to ur manager explaining a typical day. You‚ll repeatedly ask can you clarify my task for tomorrow, and he‚ll spite you for his own insecurity by saying something unbelievably random -",

"- like you made HR cry‚for asking what‚my work for tomorrow? Wtf? Then senior HR gets involved and gives a severance package so you don‚t sue the company.-",

"- let me be honest: you wanna throw a baby shower. Great. I‚ll make an appearance if I‚m not busy, even when I don‚t know the person. But my goal is to go to work so that I can return home to my life. I want to work to the best of my ability, grow, learn, prosper, help my peers,-",

"- but at the end of the day, I want to go back to my house and watch Netflix, or go to the gym, or take my family to eat or to the movies- work/life balance‚work isn‚t supposed to be life. It‚about giving the time owed to your responsibilities fully and continuing w/life.-",

"- and then there are those retarded training videos like what to do when someone‚hostile or holding a gun or what could be offensive to say to someone. Really? You need a video for that that spans 90 min? You need to be told that you need to report sexual abuse or that -",

"- if someone comes with a gun, you shouldn‚t fight them, that you should evacuate and help the disabled people evacuate? You can skip to the end of these videos and take the assessments blindly.-",

"- voice ur opinions fearlessly - my a*s",

"What I‚ve found is that the world is increasingly moving toward scenarios in movies like Idiocrasy. People are like selfish animals following every impulse and faking it till you make it, and blindly following mechanical rules without thinking.-",

"Some of the people i come across - nothing substantive to say. It‚like hearing from someone else ‚I made a poopy.‚ Um, yeah, ok good for you, there, buddy.-",

"- And then the mind readers have everyone do this overtime as though doing a little extra stupidity will make everyone else look good.",

"When U talk about something ‚so basic‚,‚so obvious‚,maybe even‚so outrageous‚or‚outside of whats even conceivable‚, it can be hard 2 believe/fathom, or process/digest. Those in charge, in various aspects of life, won‚t want 2 risk looking foolish&will try 2 hideThingsUnderTheRug.",

"- ud B surprised how much U have 2 spell out 2 people, amidst coffee/cigarette mind sharpening methods, 4 them 2 know exactly what transpires or 4 them 2 get a clear picture- I mean, just as an example, can U imagine for 10 yrs or more, no1 even hints at mindReadingControl 2me?!-",

"- the scary thing about life is that the person who was nodding their head to you for more than a decade to everything you were saying, could have been deaf‚a metaphor on the matter of stating the obvious

Ex. of American idol mentality. People think they can help some1 else thru clicking on phones. Usually its 2 help self get more IG followers. When does any1 go 2 another directly&talk 2 them or walk w/them-forms of empathy. Heaven forbid some1 actually telling me what goes on‚   https://t.co/L6vuMEM78F

"The thing I always noticed was, nothing based on something directly from me, got a direct response. F* me if I write on this again. I‚ll try to get what I want, and something else turns it into something equivalent of playing on phones or something indirect and ambiguous.-",

"- yeah I‚m so happy some of you agree with me and let things happen to someone year by year. I can‚t imagine the joy my predicament brings to those doing this to me, when I‚m chances are, I never even spoke to them, or may have even seen them. -",

"- it‚like the story of the woman making the cake & asking every1 2 pitch in. They all said they were basically preoccupied. Come time 2 eat, every1 comes. If I had 1 person to support my claim as to what really happens, I could‚ve ended this. Irony is, ull all come 2 collect-",

"- & when that day comes, Im gonna pull a Matthew 25:41-43. It won‚t matter if ur already friends/family. I‚ll pull a Matthew 3:33-35. U didn‚t have confidence in me, my values/methodologies. U believed in the initiative of my eternal enemeies(those people). &then: Matthew 10:14 -",

"- Ive made it easy, Ive spelled out so much 4 things that shouldnt have required spelling out. Google stuff, talk 2 some1. Ur just recycling things that I was present for, a decade or so, ago. Maybe all this happened, so that when ur up against The Judge, ull have had experience.",

"Ensure to watch at least first episode in the available season of ‚Class of ‚Äò09‚ on FX or the Hulu streaming app.-",

"- What none of you altruists or geniuses realized was that by getting on my case in ur instructed or jealous or hate filled ways, you justified the need for mind reading, predictive analytics, NSA data collection of texts and phone calls, predictions through AI-",

"- but I guess it didn‚t seem that way while you were having fun at my expense. Somehow the retarded logic was if we screw him, he‚ll be pristine, we‚ll all be better off.-",

- The FBI apparently stands for fidelity bravery and integrity. In the attached clip they show a statue of a guy defending someone on the ground while another looks like he‚expressing gratitude for his mere presence.   https://t.co/7FKpjxMpa2

"- right underneath statue is fidelity, bravery, integrity. These people, as evidenced by more than a decade of my predicament, have no integrity- psychotic chess players who weren‚t happy with a normal wife and kids. The D.O.D. In Ukraine and elsewhere,just about imperialism.-",

"- fidelity? In America, even1 life of 1 American is important. What are these people loyal 2?-Not about the freedom symbolized in the statute of liberty. Theyre loyal to the militaries agenda of prevent/contain/salvage. Its about the dopamine fueled rush in the battleground game-",

"- imagine U playing Halo on ur Xbox. It‚4 the power and the rush. None of them actually care of dealing with the h*ll they subjected my family & me to. To top it all, they stimulate or sedate me 2 watch television & order takeout to make it seem like I‚m living the grand life.-",

"- then there‚the next one: bravery? I begged to the point where I told them I‚d kick their feet if they would just tell me what was happening, to take me seriously. I begged for the pity of American monsters, who could apparently feel my pain, anguish, or at least suspect it/",

"- That said, 5-15 rounds of interviewing a Speaker, & then 10 months later, while ur still getting paid, while military workers R threatened w/ not getting their paychecks b/c of a govmt. shutdown- stemming from disagreements b/w elected officials, U then want 2 oust the speaker-",

"- all of it is a massive waste of time. U want 2 judge ur Speaker, based it off of however much was accomplished, not by likes/dislikes or hurt feelings. After Speaker McCarthy aided passing a CR w/ help of Democrats, apparently narrative was he later offended them thru words.-",

"- this then furthered support to oust the Speaker. You won‚t believe the process. I heard electing a Speaker is a painful process.-",

"- But to oust him/her? First you need to get votes as to whether to vote again to oust the Speaker. That may take 2 hours. Then another 2 hrs for counting votes to actually oust him/her. The amount of time that gets wasted. On the day of the insurrection of the capital, congress-",

"- stayed in session till 3:30 in the morning. It‚because of non objective use of time. I‚ve worked in places where a chunk of the workday gets used on eating together, and then guessing what promotional prices in a category could mean for five hrs.-",

"- and the voting process to decide whether to oust a speaker or not, before actually voting for it happen? I think that process used to happen 5 times. The decrease in the process, is critiqued by some. It‚just incredible the disrespect to use of time.-",

"- U want 2 vote, use electronic clickers like they did 4 checking multiple choice question/answers in my MBA program. It‚insane that for 400 people, u‚ll manually collect each individual persons vote. & that too apparently five times and then a sixth time to get rid of some1.-",

"- and then after 10 months of serving in what is a group effort to pass bills, after a massive amount of time to elect speaker, oust speaker, pass a continuing reposition to keep the government from shutting down, Congress now faces a looming shutdown in November.-",

"- Congress can‚t focus on preventing the shutdown, because the strict constructionists now need to dedicate time to selecting a speaker. Apparently no one can move a muscle or come up with an idea until a speaker is selected. -",

"- meanwhile military or air traffic workers are at risk of not getting paid in a few weeks while these guys in a Congress continue to get paid while wasting a ton of time. The time wasting is an embarrassing fact as witnessed in the last few weeks. Americas pro Israel.-",

"- In their present situation, can America help Israel? Can they help Ukraine? Can they even keep the government from shutting down so that, at the very least, military workers can get paid?-",

"- then this situation with Israel and Gaza. Apparently the terrorist attack that started a war with Israel was because of a raid on shared hallowed ground by Israel, offending the Palestinians or Hamas.-",

"- Gaza is bordered by Israel and Egypt. Gaza is said to be twice the size of Washington DC and houses 2 million people. Yes Israel cannot live in peace. Horrible things are happening to babies. But that‚Hamas‚ doing. What happens to the civilians in Gaza?-",

"- I think the logic shared from the news was that for 150 hostages to be released to Israel, 2 million people in Gaza won‚t get electricity, water, fuel, or supplies. Apparently as a courtesy, Israel warned people should avoid a certain part of Gaza.-",

"- if borders are blocked in Gaza, if Egypt and Israel aren‚t taking migrants or asylum seekers or refugees, where are the millions of people in Gaza to go? And this is after taking away water and electricity. Can you eat? Where have they been going to the bathroom in last week?-",

"- hamas may get destroyed. But what Israel ends up doing, with these harsh conditions, is create the next generation of people against Israel. By showing mostly Israeli losses, and not equally showing Gaza, America risks hate from the surrounding regions.-",

"- no water & no electricity‚then there‚self inflicted restrictive culture of people in Gaza. They‚re dressed in burkas in heat w/o water. It‚tragic people at an Israeli music festival were tortured. These people in Gaza wouldn‚t understand the luxury of a music festival.-",

An episode from Apple TVs show Physical- Season 3 Episode 9 - show title: ‚Like We Never Left.‚ I bring it up because I don‚t think food and utilities today are built to a certain standard-   https://t.co/f6PHRZtr6T

"- in the show from the previous tweet, rose Byrnes daughter- in the show- swallows a plastic animal from a toy set. The parents panic. They call up the person who bought the toy set as a gift. They then contact the store it was bought from.-",

"- They get some info later that helps find out what the plastic animal was made from? They‚re worried whether the plastic animal was composed of harmful chemicals like something called barium.-",

"- the law enforcement sent the people I complained about, from the random kids to the UAlbany faculty, to stolen tech, to law enforcement making a joke out of my situation, and sent me to h*ll with them leading the charge for a decade.-",

"- writing about your problems, talking through them, reporting something to The Law, all useless if ur not red cheeked and blonde and loaded with old money. I spent more than a decade seeking help. nasty American government then tries to blame some baseless case, my parents/me-",

"- If ur not black or white in this country, if u look Middle Eastern, American muscle wants to take the life out of U. Like in some 90s x men episode, they crush ur psyche by having people swing it with forged niceties or real life screwing. They sedate you, electrocute ur brain-",

"- The FBI, the Americans and their military, while I‚m left experiencing this white f*s disagreement and spite, they will screw you over for the big AI predictive analytics Xbox Halo like adult game. -",

"- I‚ll be at peace knowing U f*s who couldn‚t open ur mouth to me across a decade w/ the evidence & proof I needed go nuts w/ the police charging you for crimes you‚re expected to commit and when they sedate you based on a computer algorithm that categorizes your mental status-",

"- and the thing with the Americans. Like a disease spreading globally. No one is going to stop this, no one is going to save you, if you say the wrong thing, instead of helping you, you‚ll be targeted. I got random guys lightning bonfires like it‚supposed to signal something.-",

"- do you realize how much I know, see, hear? ‚They‚, the Big Brother in the American government doesn‚t tell you that. Still trying to prevent, contain, salvage in the biggest operation of this country to get the biggest utensil to control the rest of you.-",

"- through ur behaviors, if you ever do see this, you were always proving the savagery of humans, not their altruism. The sick Americans wanted me to see this, know this, witness this, because years ago, they were stupid enough to leave things in broad daylight.",

"- ur all screwed & there‚no hope for any of U. The average person cannot deal with this constant scrutiny. It‚going to throw mental sanctity out the window. That sound U heard, that thing you noticed or saw, there will always be the doubt that the government is screwing w/u.",

"- fidelity, bravery, integrity-probably what U wipe ur a*ses with & Y ur colleges smell like a*s. If U couldnt make sense of 100s of pages of complaints, rather than shutting the complaint system down on me when U thought U could screw me w/ my own words, u shouldve talked 2 me.",

"- more like filth, (little) b*tches, and injustice (upholders.)",

"This aint ‚nod ya head‚ like ‚yeah boss, we totally get it & what ur saying‚ Naaa man. U just saying some watered down sh*t of what Im saying or..yeah..could be thinking. U need 2 know ur f*ked, & u proved need 4 data collection 4 the power mongers 2 make u think ur safe. #NoHope",

"NoHope",

"Indians have a community that is our world. I was just watching the Hugh Jackman movie, ‚The Son‚ on Netflix. for years before this, we‚d say to each other, Not one of the Americans are normal. We‚d joke maybe it‚their alcohol-marijuana-cocaine-bacon diet‚-",

"- I mean ‚ from the movie and my observations in college and the workplace, you seem pretty impulsive, envious, spiteful, inclined to do what you ‚feel‚ in the moment‚there is no social etiquette. And your doctors and judges and parents seem to act like farmers with a pig pen-",

"- you seem to watch from afar and I think there‚even a show for troubled kids that I remember seeing more than a decade ago. Intuitively, I‚m guessing the way it works is they spy on teenagers with cameras in their bedroom. They look for drugs or something. -",

"- the shows payment is airing it for other people‚pleasure on tv. Think of what that does 2 the teenagers psyche. Your putting them in a conspiracy of sorts. Then you leave others to laugh at them on television in their flaws while making it about what parents should watch for-",

"- helicopter parents have been heard about extending their reach above the age of 18 or 21 for disagreements with their adult children that they‚d like to pass off as mental illness. Let‚say you throw youth into an unheard of situation. Every time they talk about it-",

"- every time they try to salvage their dignity, when U see their anxieties making them frantic, u‚ll probably look 2 how angelic a mother might come off, when the parents might not comprehend English as a native speaker w/ colloquialisms or pop culture themes like mind control-",

"- Then let‚say the show for troubled kids on NBC or some station cannot find something wrong. They‚ll convince a mother to team with them so that they can extend their show to adults and also tell immigrant parents that they‚ll give their son/daughter an opportunity-",

"- to be rich and famous in America, the land of opportunity (apparently/allegedly), by showing how wonderful he is, because they couldn‚t find fault. Then let‚say a disturbing underachieving and poorly funded school in Albany, the state capital of New York, finds-",

"- a way to get money for their school like Binghamton, the Harvard of the SUNYs. Random kids who don‚t know you try blackmailing parents to have involvement in the show with computer hacking and social TEXT stalking. They threaten to tell the son for what they initially-",

"- didn‚t realize was something low and demeaning. Then the professors seeing something as an opportunity for predictive analytics and brain mapping get involved. They feel they have input from all angles to perfect mind reading and control.-",

"- They again tempt the parents w/opportunity. Your son will make it, when really it‚about victimizing some one for other peoples failings. But this movie that I started out with, looking through another cultural lens, the context of all this being complained about ages ago, -",

"- all of it really hints to the psychological abuse for someone separate from the context of the movie. I don‚t know if it‚the hamburger/hot dog culture or lack of culture, the mixed marriages, the lack of religion, the growth of psychology- it‚like ur all animals at heart,-",

"- u as a people stop shaving, stop showering before school, make going to bars and wandering the streets some kind of norm, you advocate no form of restraint, everything is a quick dopamine reward game with American idol phone to vote helping and Amazon one day deliveries -",

"- by which I mean instant gratification-",

"- you have all these Americans passing judgment on an Indian

"- the things I go through as an Indian‚cultural clashes can be something like a family seeing their son as insane because he decided to shave his head at the onset of balding-",

"- I would love to tear a new one into the lives of the law enforcement, doctors, professors who decided to do the most ridiculous thing over a decade or more, and then make it about whether I‚m of sound mind‚-",

"- it‚unbelievable‚regarding the instructions they give out, for people understanding it, they‚ll jump in front of your cars, for those not understanding the instructions- no one verified whether they comprehend the wording or the reasoning‚it‚that bad-",

"- meanwhile everyone else is trying to hint at something if anything happening without specifics or being on the same page. I‚m on the other hand saying I told everyone about this in writing to official police complaints and authority figures a decade or more ago-",

"- the mind readers/controllers will use their wave technology or brain mapping tech or maybe even simple hypnosis to spite me for writing about any of this or mentioning that movie, by making me look crazy or just crazy eyed like the focal point of that aforementioned movie

"And the amount of jabs at appearance‚I complained that random kids were stalking me while they said something about me being discovered at a time, years ago, when I was somewhat good looking. Now I‚m an obese and bald mess‚-",

"- U wanna know just how spiteful the white & black professors & the American law enforcement are? For not taking care of their own kids acne, they give me acne and acne scars. I had class with one of the faculty‚kids. For random kids blaming my appearance for their initiative-",

"- and because the random kids blaming the police for not responding to my cries for help, the professors and law enforcement want my face to be associated with an American tragedy and mind reading and mind control? How can I live in the same city or my house ? -",

"- unnecessarily, I don‚t trouble others. It‚just about independence and not ego. You want my face to be associated with pity and sympathy (which isn‚t even empathy)? You want to blame my family when you didn‚t have the common sense to speak with me? I sh*t you not, -",

"- I‚ve never seen the faces of these people, unless by accident or by wondering what‚this white gut doing in India?-",

"- That‚across a decade. While in those accidents, these weirdos give me expressions of ‚he has everything, what is he complaining about, he doesn‚t know how lucky he is‚, they‚ve never once spoken to me, while using crazy sounds of unknown faces to make me think I‚m discovered-",

"- immigrants have certain impressions of stereotypical American. We say things in our dialect like what does ‚madam‚ want or madam-a. In my case, American overlords wanted an excuse 2 use military tech on my face, my life. Of course they wouldn‚t use a blonde/blue eyes 4 this

"So among conspiracy theories, the CIA was part of the plan to kill Catholic John F. Kennedy. Something with that family led to the deaths of many of their family members‚conspiracy?!-",

- get this: there‚an NPR article in the link below to discredit and/or kill Martin Luther King by the FBI‚fidelity bravery integrity my a*s-conspiracy?  https://t.co/zL4MoNlv7y

"- you see in Avengers: Civil War that the Hydra organization infiltrated America after the Second World War. What if the Nazis decided to lose the war on paper but embedded itself in America? Conspiracy? Why are there so many blue eyed actors on television and movies?-",

"What the American government does? When they want to spread their reach like colonialism, they do it with economics and fake altruism. Like in Afghanistan and Ukraine-",

"- What does the American government do? When they want to have total or supreme power, while the rest of Asia establishes itself as nuclear powers, they threaten India when they contemplate it.-",

"- what does the American government do? When they see individuals or rising stars not part of their agenda, like urs truly, they discredit the individual or make him look a fool 2 call sir or boss, but then ensure no 1 takes him seriously or ensure everyone has their way w/him.-",

"- what does the American govmt do? When they realize they‚re in over their head or their greedy minds see opportunity in a life more valuable, they get into their prevent, contain, salvage mentality.-",

"- From my situation, America faces embarrassment and will follow the pattern of the messages in my last few tweets‚the land of freedom and opportunity in someone‚make believe fantasy

"- & then there are pathetic 1s who u can‚t reach w/ur bestowing of awareness. They want 2 bring U down over some inadequacy/misgiving in their life-pathetic&desperate 4 a distraction or 2 feel part of something. GROW a pair & get @ me. I believe this is what coins the term:hater",

On how the usual Americans are - coming from someone who emigrated here or is around the first generation American range-of all the people in this f*ed up place they use me:  https://t.co/3BkykXN1mx

"- not about insensitivity/arrogance/pride/or about being pretentious‚Indians, East Asians (China, Japan, Korea, etc.), the Middle East, Eastern Europeans, Austria/Russia/Greece/Turkey - there is an innate bond in values, ideas ‚we click‚other places focus on hyped up nonsense.",

[ghostwritcr]

he catches himself laughing a bit at her response . maybe shouldn ' t , but he found that her being so focused on herself was way too charming . every time she showed him she was someone serious about conquering her dreams --- something he found it hard to see on people their age , specially while living the uni life --- , because he totally got her . ' well , that ' s . . . fair . ' adds , shoulders upping and dropping . as soon as the words leave her lips , it clicks for him that it might not only be that , considering the previous situation . but he doesn ' t show , only nodding and suggesting --- or more so determining , since he wouldn ' t take no for an answer ' yes , i guess it is , having to leave all the doors open and such . . . but c ' mon , lets get a jacket of mine for you . ' offering to guide the way , he extends his hand to her ' and we can get something for you to drink from the kitchen on the way . we also have some non - alcoholic things if you don ' t feel like drinking . . . i make sure of that since obviously i ' m the designated most sober one taking care of the party and these lunatics , y ' know ? can ' t let it get too out of hand or it ' s my neck they ' ll come from . ' although he laughs , it ' s true --- not only he cared about his teammates as if they were his little brothers , river also takes it easy on the drinking to make sure nothing too bad happens . . . or at least that he can deal with it if it does . at her response , he chuckles , nodding to show that he understood , but nonetheless reinforcing his point ' still , you came . ' smile on his lips is borderline teasing and glad as he leads their way . ' i ' m glad you did --- and i ' ll make sure you have a good time so you don ' t regret it , ' kay ? okay . '

one would think that she was used to showing off her body while competing. but it was different with a little black dress. not much was left to the imagination. kennedy shrugged, " i don't know, the only sport i care for is my own. " she couldn't care less about a famous driver. but maybe his fame could explain his fucked up personality. " i'm fine. it's just colder here than i thought. " which wasn't exactly a lie. with all the people coming in and out of the house, the wind moved through the place. and she didn't have any alcohol in her system to keep her warm yet. " i was forced. " ken clarified, " my roommate wanted to go and you know ... girl code. " she was being nice compared to last time they spoke, maybe he had his brother to thank for that.

[r4in-nsfw]

Title :) lol

Pairings: cc!Sap x Fem!reader

Cw: nicknames (doll) fingering, Oral (Fem receiving) Swearing, overstim

Summary: basically You join in when George and Dream are poking fun at Sap and it ends up with you taking it all back.

!SMUT UNDER CUT!

You knew you shouldn´t have made fun of sapnap, but to be fair, it seemed like a good idea at the time to join in when George and Dream were poking fun, joking about him being inexperienced, having never touched a girl in his life, and well, you believed Dream and Georges words. It just made sense, Sap just seemed like the guy who wasn´t experienced. ¨oh fuck off, i get more bitches than both of you combined¨ Sap hissed, which you found hard to believe...But now you knew you were wrong, you had lost track of how many times he made you cum. ¨inexperienced huh doll?¨ he coed, fingers drilling into your core at a rapid speed, you sniffled, to blissed with pleasure to get words out. Clearly George and Dream were wrong, this man knew how to make you feel good. he leaned down, mouth meeting your clit making you cry out weakly ¨p-lease no m-more¨ you struggled to get the words out, tears streaming your face ¨go on, take it back¨ he laughed against you, making you whine. ¨i t-take it back! m´sorry!¨ you sobbed out, writhing under him. ¨c´mon doll, make a mess on me¨ he coed, you were quick to let yourself go, gushing out on his fingers and mouth, making him groan against you. clearly you were wrong, and Sap would make sure you never underestimated him again.

[wedreamedlove]

Mo Yi in Love - Character Study

I just read Mo Yi's [SSR Brewing Thoughts] card and, not only am I an emotional mess, but I also hit an epiphany regarding understanding his character and now I have to write about this. I know I'm going to repeat this at the end, but understand that Mo Yi is just a man who wants his first love to be his last love and who has relatable fears over failure, haha.

SPOILERS go up to chapter 3 of Mo Yi's personal route, [SSR Brewing Thoughts], [SR Fake Tears], [SSR Dangerous Invitation], and reveal Mo Yi's family background. In addition, while the lines are in order, I chose to remove some descriptions to keep things shorter.

First, I want to talk about Mo Yi's view towards love.

It's really positive, which is ironic given his background and what he grew up around. However, he's always been a rational person and the object or feeling itself has no crime, it's what people choose to do with it that matters.

[Personal Route Ch.1]

MY: True love brings light and hope to life and makes a person better and better.

MY: At any time, you could meet with that person who would make you a better person, but you may not be aware of it at the time.

[Personal Route Ch.3]

MY: Alright, quiet... What everyone here has said is all "love".

MY: Love itself is a concept that cannot be clearly defined because, for every person, their feelings and preferences are different.

MY: So, this student here, I apologize sincerely but I may not be able to give you an accurate answer.

Student: Professor, what do you feel is love then?

MY: Me...?

Mo Yi faintly smiled.

His eyes passed through the sea of people and met mine.

MY: To me, it is a unique miracle.

MY: She makes me unable to control wanting to investigate, to touch, and to figure out everything.

MY: There are even times where, for a short moment, I am unable to distinguish the divide between reason and emotion.

MY: In this world, there are too many people who are fair on the outside but foul on the inside, however there will always be that one person...

MY: She will make you become better, make you believe everything is wonderful, make you start to look forward... to the future.

Look, he's an utter romantic! But, like I mentioned above, he's also a rational person and he needs to make sure that this love is The One for him.

Second, what's important to mention here is his view on Love At First Sight because that's what he admits to himself that he has for his heroine.

However, he has a huge scar about Love At First Sight because of the tragedy that was his parents. His father, a nobleman, and his mother, a foreign woman from a background of scholars, fell in love with each other at first sight. However, due to his father's poor handling of the church in his country, which basically denied their relationship unless Mo Yi's mother converted to their religion, Mo Yi's mother left his father and his father lost the love of his life and has been regretting it to this day.

So, what does he think about Love At First Sight?

[Personal Route Ch.2]

MY: ...Personally, I believe in "love at first sight".

Student: Really? I thought someone rational and calm like you wouldn't believe in this sort of illusion.

MY: "Love at first sight" has uncertain factors, but that doesn't mean its existence itself is a mistake.

MY: Furthermore, isn't it human nature to harbor hope for this wonderful and sincere emotion? I am no exception.

MY: Only...

Mo Yi paused slightly and, when he opened his mouth again, there seemed to be some unclear emotion in his tone.

MY: When "love at first sight" arrives, I am more inclined to make a particular judgment first rather than walk eagerly towards love.

MY: Those wonderful things that are unforgettable for people, are they for real or are they "ephemeral"? This is more important, is it not?

Student: Oh, can this sort of thing be tested? Professor, can you teach me?

MY: It's not a peculiar method, you just need to make observations.

Student: Observations?

MY: Correct, observe the other party's attitude and thoughts when facing matters, especially the things that really threaten their lives or safety.

MY: To a certain extent, a person's behavior can reflect their personality.

As a top psychiatrist, Mo Yi is extremely honest to himself with his own emotions and thoughts. Heck, that's why he always records voiced diary logs because he uses those to examine his own mental state. So, this determination on whether or not the target of his Love At First Sight is The One means a lot to him, because he will throw himself fully into this love.

One huge thing about Mo Yi is that he chases perfection and has an aversion to imperfect things. This stems from his deathly fear of failure because he doesn't believe there is a "next time" after failure. Once something fails, that's the end. This is due to his parents again and how, while it takes time to nurture emotions, it only takes an instant to lose emotions or trust.

Third, because of the above, it is incredibly important for Mo Yi minimize as much "risks" as possible.

The translations below are going to be paired together for consistency, but they will be addressing two points at the same time. One, that Mo Yi may exaggerate the emotions he reveals, but they are genuine. Two, that he is showing his "imperfect" and "ugly" sides to his heroine in controlled settings because he doesn't want her to hate him.

(On a minor note, I think it should be kept in mind that he's also observing her through all of this to determine whether or not she's The One, but honestly she just keeps surprising him throughout the game and making him fall harder and harder for her).

[SR Fake Tears]

In those gold eyes of his, the usual gentle smile was replaced by another emotion.

MC: Dr. M-Mo...?

That expression... was not sadness and was not relief, but...

A kind of inevitable self-confidence, the satisfaction of seeing through everything, or... an unfathomable control.

That glance... was it my misconception?

In the flickering light, that expression was gone in a flash. I was incapable of determining it, but instinctively a hint of a chill rose from the bottom of my heart...

MY: Did I scare you?

MY: I just... don't want to hide myself in front of you. I just want to be honest about my weakness in front of you alone.

MY: You won't hate me, right?

Before I could answer, he smiled softly.

MY: Let me indulge myself this once, alright?

MY: Just for this short while...

[SR Fake Tears]

Mo Yi sat at his desk and turned on his digital voice recorder.

The time on the recorder slowly moved forward, but Mo Yi only watched that changing number without saying a word.

After a long time, a soft sigh came from the quiet room.

MY: I shouldn't have done that...

MY: Just for a moment of warmth, I deliberately showed her that appearance, even exaggerating my sadness and weakness...

MY: I even fully enjoyed indulging myself... I sought even more from her, hoping she would... feel even more sorry for me.

MY: But, at that time, I really didn't want to use reason to control my emotions.

MY: This is the first time I've been so... contradictory, chaotic...

His voice became lighter and lighter.

MY: The yearning I have for her... is already... an addiction I cannot give up...

[SSR Brewing Thoughts]

MY: Saying you wouldn't be able to sleep tonight was only an excuse, wasn't it? You were afraid I would have a sleepless night because I would think about past matters.

MC: Dr. Mo, you—

MY: I'm really happy.

MY: I won't be sad because of those things, but I truly am really happy.

His fingertips gently caressed my wrist.

MY: A child who has tasted candy would have a hard time enduring the loss. Can I be insatiable and rely on you more?

MY: Or is it that people who are too strong, who don't feel sad, have no way of receiving concern?

MY: Are you... going to leave and ignore me?

There was a hint of pretend grievance in his voice, and also a deep belief and certainty that I couldn't refuse him.

MC: (Too unfair! There's no way to refuse...)

Before I could answer, Mo Yi held my wrist and pulled me even closer to him.

MY: Just stay here, right with me.

Some context here is that he was acting "drunk" in the translation above. Below was the reveal that he wasn't actually drunk.

[SSR Brewing Thoughts]

The bud of feelings needed to be raised with the utmost care, but how could he let it grow strong in an unpredictable environment?

Of course he had to control it himself rather than allowing it to happen naturally.

Just like adjusting the sun and rain when a grapevine was growing, and just like controlling every timing of winemaking.

Furthermore, if someone wanted a grape seedling, which was imperfect to begin with, to produce the desired fruit, to brew the perfect wine, then it needed even more precise control.

Otherwise... just like wine, a small error might lead to serious consequences.

As you can see, the god complex and obsession over control is strong here. He cannot and does not believe to leaving things to random nature. He's not willing to lose this love and will do anything to give him and his heroine a happy ending (unlike his parents).

That's not to say that he HAS to control everything though. He actually doesn't care about the process (nature vs. nurture) so long as the results are good. But, like I mentioned above, he is certainly a master of reducing "risks".

However, and this was the whole point of [SSR Brewing Thoughts], Mo Yi's heroine teaches him that there is a "next time" after failure. She teaches him that, sometimes, the journey along the way is more important than the conclusion and that what's most important is whether or not the person he loves is beside him.

What is extremely touching is how matter-of-factly she tells him that they can just try again if they fail at something. He does not need to chase perfection when he is around her and a lot of his dates are seeing him in various states of failure. Practicing failure is such a relatable thing for us all to learn in life.

Fourth, I am going to repeat myself a little here after these translations but, in my opinion, Mo Yi carries a childlike honesty and purity regarding his emotions. The thing that makes him so charming is that while he plays these manipulative tricks, he is also extremely blunt about his own emotions. He expresses his jealousy, his possessiveness, his blunders, etc. He wants her to be the only one who can see these different sides of him and perceive his moods when he normally keeps everyone else at a polite distance. The ONLY disguise he wears is a flimsy one that hides what, in his eyes, are the "ugliest" sides of himself because he doesn't want his heroine to hate him; but he doesn't hide the fact that he has these ugly sides at all.

Fifth, basically, go ahead and fall in love with Mo Yi! He looks dangerous and he sort of is (extremely grey morality, does not adhere to the Hippocratic Oath, literally amassed power to have the choice to do what he wants, and uses his own scale of judgment, but that's another essay for another time) but he is never dangerous to you and is just as invested in this love as you are.

I suppose one thing you do have to watch out for is his arrogant god complex and believing he knows what's best LOL.

[Personal Route Ch.3]

MY: Because the mother eagle knows that, only after experiencing the pain and torment of a broken wing, the young eagle will truly have the ability to soar in the sky.

MY: Although this is just a metaphor that is somewhat different from reality, when it comes to her...

MY: This is the path she chose and, not only will I let her walk on it, but I will also let her become the most dazzling presence on this road.

MY: But, Constable Yan, you should know better than me what sort of end most people who pursue light in the chaos have.

MY: So, to recognize the darkness in front of her and face it directly is something she must learn.

MY: If she was always huddled under the wings of others, then her road would end here.

YW: But aren't you afraid of something happening by chance?

MY: "Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions."

MY: Since I chose to do this I naturally have enough certainty. Besides... I am here, so who could hurt her?

However, this is not a one-way street and the same goes for the heroine and what she can do to him. In fact, I am going to end this essay with one of my favorite quotes ever in this game (even still to this day), because it honestly shows how Mo Yi fell in love with the dazzling justice the heroine upholds and how he will accept anything of her.

One thing he says in a beta PV, the prologue of the game, and [SSR Border of Light and Darkness] is that he hopes she can stick with the choice she makes, even if it runs counter to the world and everyone is against her.

So, anyway, the context of the quote below is important because [SSR Dangerous Invitation] is essentially a microcosm of their relationship. They roleplay a locked-room mystery and, in the end, the heroine chooses to throw Mo Yi (her lover in the game) into jail because he's a murderer (even though he did it for her). She chooses the truth and her version of justice over them living together in a lie (by pushing the blame to someone else). Before the lover is executed, he writes one last love letter and this is what Mo Yi reads out to his heroine at the end of the date.

[SSR Dangerous Invitation]

MY: Perhaps what he was infatuated with was this kind of you.

MC: !!!

Hearing his words, I looked up in astonishment.

Those gold eyes suddenly became profound and intense. I couldn't understand his emotions, only feeling that I was about to fall into his eyes.

The noisy wind and the voices of people on the long street gradually faded away at his words.

Only my heartbeat remained in my ears and the last love letter the duke wrote to the viscountess before the gallows that he read out slowly.

MY: "I will always open wide my arms and accept all your beauty and cruelty."

MY: "I hope that you will, with this heart, embrace the one and only truth you pursue."

Sorry, I can't resist finishing off by saying some more sappy words but, again, Mo Yi is just a simple man who wishes his first love to be his last love and he's so invested in this love. You are the once-in-a-lifetime stirring of his heart.

[pffbts]

↬genre: slice of life; fluff ; crack; hint of a love triangle ; loads of tension.

↬characters: jealous!wen junhui x reader | support: kim mingyu (plays a big role)

↬w.c: 4K

↬author`s note: sorry for the delay but this is basically junhui making your knees weak or you just want to beat his ass. this fic can go two ways―it`s yours to decide. also this is a re-write because the last attempt wasn`t reaching my heart. so i`m writing this again :) hope you enjoy this read! (btw i would strongly suggest you to read mingyu`s version before you jump onto this)

↬synopsis: there are 13 boys who lives in your town where each of them have each of their own colours. some you know in person & some from afar so one day you sat down deciding to describe each of their colours absorbing all of their goodness and all of their flaws. you wondered what if someone in some other town ever thought of questioning when they looked at these boys, that―what if we lived in the same town?

☍ seungcheol | jeonghan | joshua | junhui | soonyoung | wonwoo | jihoon | seokmin | mingyu | minghao | seungkwan | vernon | chan

[03:37 PM] [meet him at the dawn & he`ll take you to places you`ve never seen]

―standing opposite of the road, that day you saw him getting out of the newly opened chinese restaurant of the town. he was wearing a white shirt with two of the top buttons undone, the edges carelessly tucked in a freshly washed denim jeans to wind up with it. dashing as always, junhui had spared a listless glance at you and with his shoulders wide, he tucked his palms into both of his jean`s pockets.

you, on the other hand, didn`t smile at him but rather let your eyes widen a bit unconsciously. in split second, when you realized what had happened, you retreated back from keeping any kind of eye contact with him.

from the corner of your eyes, you could somehow make out that he was clearly smirking on his own. his little smirk was so palpable that it traverse through the air stirring up something in you along with the sudden heat splashing across your cheeks & neck. that feeling didn`t leave your body and waited a long time to fade until you finally reached back home.

you didn`t know much about junhui, as a matter of fact. surely you`ve seen him once in a while but that was it. you didn`t know what kind of person he was exactly apart from the fact that he was extremely beautiful. he was, if you weren`t mistaken, quite a silent heartthrob of the town.

he also, isn`t the type to talk much. that is to say, you have never seen him talk whenever you`ve spotted him on the street or anywhere in the local market. he didn`t study at your school and his place too, was far from your own so spotting him at your street wasn`t a regular thing until one fine day it happened out of nowhere.

you were out to go rent some dvd because the dvd player had been sitting under dust for a long time at your place. it was one of those day when iconic black and white movies which both you and your mother were equally fond of clenches you two in its tight hold so she gave you a little push to go grab some mutual favourites from the dvd rent shop down the street.

wearing a soft pink shorts and a white shirt typically bigger for your built, you walked out of your place to the dvd rent shop. swinging both of your arms on your side, you did a few little skips while walking. it was quite evident that you were in good spirit and why shouldn`t you be? a movie night and your mother was making your favourite dish tonight being the combo treat is not something of a regular thing in this household.

long after walking, you stood in front of the shop. keeping your eyes on the open sign, you push the door inside and soon you heard a peal of laughter already filling up the shop to the brim of it.

the laughter was as if it welcomed you to the shop but for some reason, you could recognize a single voice among the two.

you stop for a second, slowing down the motion of you closing the door and kept on listening to the laughters. in the slip of a quick second, you recognized it to be mingyu`s but you couldn`t see him right away.

whipping your head around, you tried detecting the direction from which it came until you heard a cough from the part-timer and the growing string of your attention rips right then.

bowing a bit to the part-timer who worked at the cash counter, you slowly walked through the shelves filled with all kind of dvds. your ears were perked up at the sound of giggles and laughter now a little bit on a lower note.

the part-timer probably sent the owner of those laughters a warning glance to maintain the silence.

you, on the other hand, still couldn`t find the movie you were looking for. walking listlessly, your eyes staring up and down the rows of shelves soon your back makes a sudden contact with something hard and warm.

for a moment you thought it would be mingyu and a lift at the corner of your mouth surfaces.

turning your neck around, you had to crane it up a bit to look at whom you stumbled upon considering in your head you thought it would be mingyu probably playing around with you and with his gigantic height your actions were sort of a reflex.

but as soon as you realized whom you stumbled onto, you quickly turned around and jumped three feet away from him.

“oh?”, with wide eyes junhui watches you jump back and then as he leans a bit by putting up one of his palm, he finally greets you, “hi.” the wide of his eyes cease within seconds replacing them into soft creases around the corners.

his voice carried an essence of mirth and from the looks of it, he clearly recognized you considering he has seen you quite a few times ― sometimes even when you`re not aware of his presence.

you bow a bit and give him a crooked smile although your eyes were so nervous, it couldn`t keep a single second of contact with his own until your eyes fixated on something familiar―it was the head peaking from behind junhui―of mingyu`s.

a wave of relief ran through your system as you, instead of returning junhui`s wave, put up your own palm and greeted mingyu. your friend`s eyes turn into crescents as he comes from behind the boy you just met and places his own palm against yours. you smiled up at him and he returns it as always.

seeing how junhui was left behind, mingyu turned around and stood next to you while placing his arm around your shoulder. a very familiar act. nothing you should be surprised of at this point.

“jun, meet_____, she lives across my street.”

you bow at junhui again. but in your head, you were wondering how did mingyu know him. at school, you`ve not really seen him around your friend and you, yourself haven`t really seen him that much. but without any further wait, mingyu answers the said question in your head.

“_____ meet wen junhui. he got transferred to our school few weeks ago and has newly joined the basketball team last week! have you seen him?”

“ah no―i think?” you answer back very unsure of your fading memory.

“mingyu said that you are quite a regular at the bleachers cheering for this buddy right here,” junhui speaks up for a first time after all this while. he pointed at mingyu while he utters those last words.

you flushed a bit at the mention of you being at the bleachers while you watch mingyu play. but it`s just, you are always there to support your friend. you don`t really make any sound while you`re at it though. most days, you just sit back and watch mingyu play. it`s not a secret that you very much adore his basketball skills.

“it`s nothing really..,” you squeeze out a carefree laughter although it ended up sounding like a nervous one, “i just…watch and,” with a shrug you continue, “maybe clap sometimes.”

junhui only chuckles as you finish. it looked like as if he caught you in your act. it really wasn`t looking nice for you now but at least you had mingyu`s arm around you so you stopped feeling a bit out of place, plus junhui was clearly a stranger. why must you care so much for what he thought?

“but even that bit is enough. after all, ______ & me, we`ve been friends since childhood. our mothers are best friends too! we even get to have weekly get-togethers every sundays.”

as new information for junhui`s ear comes to surface, you quickly looked over at him who now wore an indifferent expression as if somewhat a spark of jealousy lay across his chest. but when he saw you looking at him, he caught your gaze with his warm ones with that very recognizable smirk climbing onto his mouth making you think that he is clearly skilled at hiding his sudden change of emotions.

you stare at him for a good few seconds, feeling yourself getting braver as you have already caught him slip his cool awhile ago. clearly, in junhui`s head, he really didn`t want mingyu to continue so he spoke up.

“that`s good to know. but the question is will i get an invite someday?” he was asking mingyu the question but his eyes were all on you and at the same time he was observing how mingyu`s attention never faltered from upon your face.

you finally looked up to meet with your friend`s eyes on you and with one of his brows perked up, mingyu asked you as you did so, “that sounds good, doesn`t it? we should talk to our mothers for a permission though?”

you nod and add, “sure, that doesn`t sound bad. the more the merrier.”

absolutely not, you think back in your head, you definitely don`t like lots of people around you. no offense to junhui but you`re not exactly good with strangers or people in general.

“and what about cheering for me sometimes at the bleachers sometimes?” junhui leans against the shelf lightly and breaks the on-going conversation between you and mingyu with a sudden heated question.

“ayyyy that she will do of course. every friend of mine is _____`s friend so of course she`ll cheer for you, jun. although i`m a little special so i`ll get more cheers, right?” mingyu bent down and moved his face infront of you with the silliest smile on his face.

this boy, you thought, you`re really enjoying this, aren’t you?

you wanted mingyu to read your eyes but you were unsure if he was just putting up an act or simply being oblivious.

you close your eyes a bit and put up a pressed smile on your face as you thought about how mingyu clearly didn`t understand what junhui was trying to do here and on top of all that, he didn`t even let you speak before jumping onto answering the question for you.

you thought, maybe that`s what friends do. clearly, you were wrong in this.

“hahaha, sure, i mean why not―although i don`t know how much me cheering will help. i don`t even cheer, i just, like i said,” you huffed and leaned a bit to your side after turning your attention from mingyu`s child-like expression to junhui`s attentive ones, “i only sit and watch.”

junhui mirrors your act of leaning and replies.

“that`s very much enough.”

the line that forms on his lips gives his cheeks a lift. his eyes looks pure and yet with that built, you couldn`t really pinpoint what you should be feeling.

you didn`t know if you wanted to laugh or cry right at that moment. he was clearly copying mingyu right there but he added a little bit of his own spice in it.

you only nodded and smiled through the dilemma and made sure there`s nothing on your face that would give you how hot and bothered you were with just the presence of junhui infront of you.

“anyway,” gently pushing mingyu by his shoulders who was previously bending down to look at you face to face, “i need to get some dvds. so can i….look for them now?” raising your brows, you trail off looking at both of the boys as they nod and give you the space to choose.

but mingyu`s arm remained on your shoulder as you walked towards the shelf and junhui―he only moved away from his previous spot a bit. so now that you were standing in front of the shelf of dvds, you were stuck in-between two clearly much taller for their age boys.

sighing microscopically, you reached out your arm and pulled out a dvd of a sleeper-hit movie from decades ago―one of yours and your mother`s favorite.

“_____ you like this movie too?” junhui asks suddenly. his voice sounded slightly different this time. also, the sudden slip of your name from his mouth caught you by surprise for a moment. this was actually the first time he called you by your name if you could recall every interaction with him.

eventually, this particular moment resurfaces once in a while when junhui crosses your head sometimes.

“hmm, i do! you….” you reply.

“same, i do like it too―actually, it`s my mother`s favourite and―”

“mine too! it`s my mother`s favourite too!” you cut him off, declaring right away with an excitement in your tone with a sudden sense of familiarity very loud in the air between both of you.

junhui only blinks. his eyes a little bit wide and the smile which was now less smirk-like climbs on his mouth.

“ohhh junhui, both you & _____ have some similar taste, huh?” mingyu and his annoying self chirped in, which you obviously didn`t pay any heed to. you only replied with a “is that something very interesting to you?” but only in your head.

as if mingyu was about to reply, you turned around to look up at jun and let him continue clearly ignoring mingyu and his big mouth.

seeing how now your attention is all on him, junhui skipped the previous act of smile and giggled and if you could clearly remember it`s been a long time you`ve heard such a sweet giggle in a while.

“ah well i`ve watched it once with her when it was on television one day. i love the story of the leads and how even though they had to face all those hurdles, they didn`t falter in their discipline and way of life. it was…uplifting to me, i guess? staying grounded. loved that.”

“i understand. the feelings are mutual.”

this time the smile was genuine. you were glad that this time you weren`t nervous, that you could smile without stuttering through your thoughts although everything about junhui was distracting you. from his handsome built, his face to now having been discovered his soft giggle (it kept on replaying on your head for some unknown reason) and him, being this close to you right now wasn`t helping at all.

“that sounds very deep.” mingyu states. this time both you and junhui hum at the same time at him, not ignoring him.

“so did your mother tell you to rent it or….?” junhui asks.

“no, well, actually yes―both me and my mother thought of having a movie night. the dvd player at home is gathering only dust so we thought to have some good use of it.”

“oh so auntie must be making some good foods too, right?” this time mingyu joins in.

“ah yes, she `s making my favourite dish,” you spare him a glance before replying back.

“ah then what should i pick up…now that _____ has already picked up one from my bucket list today.”

junhui gifted you a look from the corner of his eyes while the well-known smirk adorned the corner of his mouth and he strolls across the makeshift corridor in-between the two large shelves softly drumming his fingertips on each of the spines of dvds placed in order.

“ah i`m sorry if you want you can keep it,” you brush off mingyu`s arm around your shoulder and walk a little bit towards junhui, “i can take some others, it`s not like this is the only one i needed anyway.”

the boy whom you just got to know spun on his heels with his arms now behind him crossed and he leans in to come closer to your face. a little bit closer and you could feel his breathe over you.

“same goes for me but _____what if we make a deal?”

“a deal?” you question him, curiosity hitting you from behind.

junhui hums.

“tell me about it.”

“what if you give me the dvd after you & auntie,” junhui looks at mingyu for a second, his eyes mischievous as he uses your friend`s addressing term for your mother and continues after placing his gaze upon you once again, “finish watching the movie and i pay for both of our rentals.” his focus on you remained until the end, or maybe a little bit after that. his eyes burned into you and you felt like you couldn`t run away from them, yet.

you were not going to lie but this proposal came like a shock. the giving of  the said dvd in question to junhui after you`ll be done with it wasn`t the main shocker at all―it was the fact that he was offering to pay for both his and yours rental for this dvd.

suddenly, you heard mingyu`s footsteps from behind you. junhui straightens his back and watches your friend coming close to you. he only shrugs when he looks down at you. you didn`t know what kind of expression mingyu wore but you wish it was nothing major.

“oi jun―” you close your eyes right then and exhale before turning around your body to face your friend but mingyu cut you off, although you don`t know if it was intentional or just simple coincidence, “are you hitting on ______? dude you just met her.”

there you go. that`s it. just what you were fearing.

clearly, his voice had a certain strain at the back of his throat but he covered it up with his playful voice. a voice which carried a laughter which could be both mockery or sound as fake as possible. you didn`t know if junhui noticed it but being grown up with mingyu since toddler days, you could make it out very well.

you put your palms on top the denim clad chest of your friend, calming down whatever you wanted to calm down.

at the same time, you only heard junhui chuckle behind you. you couldn`t make out if it was an evil one or a natural one but the smug on his face was evident in his voice.

“hey it`s fine.” you say, your voice wasn`t reaching the octave you intended.

“looks like big boy`s a little jealous that me & ____ are hitting it off as good friends already?”

“it`s not about being good friends….hitting on someone and being good friends is different.”

“i was just trying to put on a good impression on her, gyu.” junhui, this guy , he was clearly enjoying this. but if his intentions were good then you didn`t see any problem with it.

“i don`t mind that at all but just so you know, _____ isn`t someone who`ll sway that easily. she`s a tough nut to crack.”

you almost laughed at mingyu`s words―it looked as if he was speaking from experience but you just shook your head and turned around. both of your arms now raised up in the air stopping both boys from having a fight here solely because of you for some stupid reason.

“it`s okay, it`s all fine.”

you looked up at junhui and continued in a calm voice “thank you for the offer, junhui, but i`ll pay for my own rent or else my mother will question about it and i`m really not in a mood to explain such stuff to her and about giving the dvd to you―” you give him a soft smile and said further, “i`ll send it to you through mingyu considering you hang out with him these days, okay?”

you nod up at mingyu who was previously looking at junhui. but when he saw you were looking at him, he switched from his squinting eyes combined with a sour pout to a completely different expression, the kind he gives you as if it`s only reserved for you―typically a warm one.

mingyu closes his eyes for a second and nods.

“i hope we`re clear now?”

“i was just playing around, _____, don`t worry,” junhui raised both of his arms up as if surrendering and continued “there`s no bad intentions here.”

in junhui`s head he was obviously being a good person and so was mingyu. junhui walked over to mingyu and playfully circled his arms around your friend and puts his other hand on top of his chest rubbing it playfully.

you let out a small laugh and saw mingyu lowering his eyes to stare up at junhui through his lashes and rolled his eyes before elbowing his new buddy in his sternum. junhui only yelps letting out a wheeze.

and, with that the dvd rental shop got filled up to laughters yet again until the sudden intentional cough from the part-timer made both of these playful boys shush down with each of their forefingers on top of their individual lips.

rolling your eyes and shaking your head, you walked across the shelves and picked another two old classics and went to the counter to pay for the rents.

mingyu picked up a newly released movie he was looking forward to last spring and junhui picked out two recent but a little older movies.

after you were done with the payment and all, you were about to walk out of the shop and waved a goodbye to the boys who were still paying. mingyu ran a bit to the door to hold it for you.

but before the door would completely close on you, your eyes moved over at junhui who was still standing at the counter―he was waiting for the changes but his face was turned towards you and he was looking at you with a now unknown gaze. you couldn`t really make out what it was but for some reason it made you a little bit sad.

but before he could witness the curve of your mouth for him, he closed his eyes for a second and smiled at you. your eyes widen at this and instantly without knowing you smiled back at him fully.

and that was it.

that was the last time you met junhui at that close proximity. you had seen him at the basketball court, you had seen him at random street. some day or night your eyes have met with each other and sometimes they didn`t, but his smile had burned through the surface of mind. some time, at some random time, you`ll suddenly get a flash back of his smirk or that fleeting smile he gave you before you closed the door on both of your first meet.

also you knew that mingyu probably made sure junhui never gets to have any closure with you. there`s been couple of times when you`ve found jun across the corridors of the school, simply hanging around and before anything can happen mingyu had circled his arm around junhui dragging his focus away from you who`d just be passing by to deliver some copies of homework to the teacher`s rooms.

you didn`t question this.

afterall, mingyu himself was in a dilemma of sorting out his feelings for you. he would probably do anything until you accept him in your life as something more than just childhood friends but even junhui never made sure to take any attempt, other than casual glances.

well, that`s what you know. it not like you know everything that the future holds. maybe one day you`ll meet him again when mingyu`s not around and you both will have conversations that never happened or waited for the right moment to have anything grow out of the seeds sown in this new friendship.

but for now, it`s okay. maybe someone from another town will catch feelings for him better, it`s not like you`ve him bounded by some string of fate.

it`s okay wherever you stand now when it comes to your relationship with junhui.

fin. 

[mariamermaid]

Lake Dreams

Sirius Black x reader

Summary: The summer holidays are just around the corner and together with your friends, you spent the day at the lake.

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: some sneaky remarks here and there

A/N: Requested by @msmb​! “Could I get a request with Sirius Black where he and the reader are like best best friends and they both like each other as more and everyone can tell but them. They go to the black lake with like Lily and James and Remus and Marlene and Peter and Sirius pushes her in and she drags him with her and they start making out in the lake?”

“It´s the last exam and you´re not even close to failing, sure you want to take the books with you?” You asked Lilly, who was packing as if the library had to fit into her bag, while you laid on the bed watching. Marlene´s head peaked out from the bathroom; “Y/n´s right, leave the books.”

“Oh, she will as soon as James starts flirting again”, you giggled. Only seconds later, you felt the hard book binding hit your head. “Merlin you´re done Evans!”

You jumped off the bed, armed with a thick white pillow, which was heavy enough to throw Lilly to the ground. Soft and angelic feathers started floating through the air and while Marlene joined in the fight, you all overheard the knock on the door.

It wasn´t until James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stood right in the door, when you noticed the four boys staring. Mouth little agape and eyes wide opened, only Sirius had the capacity to smirk.

While Lily and Marlene spent their breathing to calm down and hide any further blushes, you rolled your eyes.

“What are you staring at, Black? Jealous to never experience a pillow fight with any of us?”

His provoking smile didn´t drop though.

“Just tell me when you´re free, Y/N, we can spend as much time in bed as you want.”

You huffed and threw your bag into his arms. “For that comment, you get to carry my bag.”

James took Lilly´s bag without asking or hesitation, and you knew how heavy that thing was. You hadn´t even reached the black lake, when Sirius started complaining. Sighing, you took your bag back.

“Weak”, you mumbled under your breath and finally reached your all favorites spot.

Sirius wanted to argue once again, but Remus patted his shoulder stopping him from doing so.

Each of you took a towel and together you formed a nice circle for the group to gather. Marlene and you had prepared some snacks and Remus and Peter had carried an extra cooling box with refreshing drinks. James, Sirius and Peter didn´t waste any time and immediately made their way into the water.

“Boys”, Marlene shook her head, while she and Lilly shared a sun lotion.

“More like idiots”, you nodded agreeing at them. Remus placed himself in front of the sun and his shadow fell on your body. You lurked up to him, taking a hand to shield yourself from the light.

You had known Remus before even going to school, more so, you considered him family. He always had been in your life and your families often spent the holidays together.

“Still care for a little swim, Fairy?”

You chuckled at his nickname, an old tradition from the two of you.

“Always Moony.”

When you were little and Remus had transformed for the first time, he had been awfully anxious especially of your opinion. But little you, was nothing but jealous. Why did Remus get to be a wizard AND a werewolf? It was then simply decided that you wanted to be a fairy. The nickname lasted.

A little more far off from the three boys, who tried their best to push each other into the water, you swam away from the waterfront.

“How long do you think it´s gonna take until Lilly and James finally admit that they´re made to be with each other?” You asked after a while, Remus laughed softly.

“No idea, but you´re one to ask!”

You gasped surprised, splashing a little water into this face. “What do you mean by that?”

“What about your flirting with Sirius?”

“Flirting? It´s called joking, Moony.” You explained and watched how Remus shrugged.

“If you say so! But I´m sure, he wouldn´t mind, if you weren´t joking.”

You groaned in annoyance. “Yes, Remus, of course he wouldn´t mind. Because he is Sirius Black.”

Your friend chuckled again. “Well, you´re not wrong about that.”

He knew, that there was no way into making you admit something, you didn´t even believe yourself yet.

“What about the tomorrow’s exam, you ready?”

You had turned around, making your way back towards land. “I guess, I´ll re-read Lilly´s remarkable notes before bed again, should be enough. What about you though?”

“Same, I´m much more worried about our two troublemakers.”

You eyed James and Sirius, who had settled back on the towels next to Lilly, Marlene and Peter.

“That bad?”

Remus rose his eyebrow. “Let´s put it this way, they won´t get much sleep today, if they don´t want to fail.”

“Somehow, they always manage though, don´t they?"

“Sure, but at what cost?”

You laughed with Remus and shortly after, you had reached the land again. James was making jokes to make Lilly giggle and while Marlene and Peter exchanged slightly annoyed glances, Sirius had watched you and Remus. His jaw was tensed and he knew he shouldn´t feel the jealousy over your friendship, but so often he wished you´d talk to him the same way.

Sure, the two of you liked teasing and joking, but there was this yearning to know more. Know your thoughts and dreams and as much as he tried, he never got close enough. Something always made the two of you act differently around each other…

You felt the cool drops of water running down your skin as you laid down on your towel, the sun shining hot on your back. The mere shadow of your own arms shielding your face, while a soft summer breeze began drying you off. Your group of friends continued talking and laughing, but soon enough you felt yourself drifting off. The past couple of weeks, you had all spent more time in the library than any of you liked. The constant reminder of stressful exam phase had drained a lot of energy, a little break was more than welcomed.

You didn´t know for how long you had fallen asleep, but when you woke up again, the sun had already began settling. You yawned and brushed off sleep from your face.

“Ah Y/n, glad to see you´re finally walking with the living again”, James exclaimed. You scrunched your nose, but a small smile was on your lips as well.

“How long was I out?”

“More than an hour”, Lilly explained, her expression a little more worried. On the other hand, she knew well enough, how her own body ached for a little more sleep.

“By Merlin´s beard, that felt good though!” You admitted and the group erupted in laughter.

You stretched as a second yawn escaped your lips.

“But I think I need a last cool down before heading back, the sun tried to roast me!”

“Good thing I put some sunscreen on your back, while you were peacefully napping!” Marlene grinned. “Oh, you did? I thought that was just a dream.”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “You owe me, I saved you from terrible sunburn!”

“Yes, after I advised you to do so”, Lilly interrupted.

“Well, I had to do it before Sirius would!”

Your brows furrowed in confusion after you scanned the group again. “Where is Sirius anyways?”

Peter pointed with his head towards the small jetty, which laid a little to the side.

“All alone?” You wondered and James shrugged.

“Maybe he tries to remember what tomorrows exam was about?”

You huffed, throwing your towel at the curly head, before leaving the group. Luckily, you were already too far away, when James snickered again.

“Three gallons that it´s gonna happen.”

Peter and Remus leaned in. “Nope, I don´t feel like it´s going to be today”, Peter shook his head. Remus observed, how you approached Sirius. “Maybe.”

 “All alone, Padfoot?”

Sirius flinched barely noticeable, he hadn´t heard you approaching. His feet were dangling in the cooling water, while his eyes had focused on the horizon.

“You must´ve dreamed of me, you slept so peacefully.”

“I dreamed of our holidays and no exams, in case you actually wondered!”

“Don´t remind me of it”, he replied and sighed heavily. You shrugged reluctant.

“It´s only one left, then just a few days and we all can go home and dream of you.”

He stayed serious and you felt a concern raising.

“Are you okay? It´s not just the exam is it?”

Sirius carefully glanced at you, then back at the lake. You knew him well enough to tell when there was more. “No, it´s not.”

His expression was easily read for you and you already guessed, what his worries were about.

“You should just stay at James´s, they´re not even worth it.”

Finally, Sirius looked back at you. “I don´t want to burden them again, I already spent Christmas at James´s.” Shocked by his statement, you gasped.

“Sirius, you are not a burden! Not for James or anyone!” But then your voice became softer again.

“I´m sure you can spend the holidays at my place as well.”

He rose his eyebrow, surprised. “Really?”

“Sure! I just need to persuade my parents, that they won´t become grandparents!”

He chuckled and you noticed his shoulders relaxing as well.

“Just to clarify; we´d make the most beautiful babies”, he added grinning. Playfully, you punched his shoulder. “So, that´s what you´re dreaming of, huh?”

Then you felt Sirius hands grabbing your side and your weight shifting. However, you held onto his arms and as you felt the water embracing your body, you dragged him in as well.

“You should be punished for pushing me into the water!” You exclaimed when the two of you reached the surface again. “I was; you dragged me with!”

“Someone had to drag you out of that dream!”

The two of you started splashing water around, erupting in a hose fight like children would. You were satisfied, knowing it took off his mind and truthfully, yours as well. You didn´t have to act like adults, not knowing enough about that life anyways, and for once, you could simply be yourself.

Sirius was prevailing and you felt as the ground beneath your feet deepened, until you couldn´t stand anymore. Now you had to swim in order to stay above the surface, Sirius grinned in knowing victory. But then he shifted his weight, gliding through the water until reaching you. Of course, he could still stand due to his height difference.

“I can´t let you drown, can I?” He asked whispering and his arms embraced your hips to pull you closer to him. In the setting sun his skin had a golden tint and his beautiful eyes glistened like honey.

It felt like a dream.

You didn´t think about your actions, letting your body react on it´s own. Your hand reaching up around his neck and your legs hugging around his waist. Sirius leaned a little down until his lips finally brushed against yours. Wet from the lake water, but warm and welcoming. As much as his heart was beating in flurry in his chest, you didn´t push him away. Your hands cupped his face to pull him even closer, your lips opening to deepen the kiss. It was like a dream finally coming true.

[capitainelevi]

Rivetra. 85 for the drabble challenge! Please and thank u!! 💖

Thank you for your ask!! ❤️❤️

Drabble challenge: Followers send a number to your ask and you write a drabble using that sentence/prompt in your piece.

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

The moment you turned your face to me

Postwar Fluff

Word count: 1581

“Thank you guys again for coming.”

Petra waved to the kids one last time, losing count on her attempts to close the door behind her, to go back to her grumpy husband. Connie ran up the stairs of the small house to give Petra another kiss on the cheek while their former squad cheered him. Jean came to collect a fairly inebriated Connie from her, and Petra thanked him before giving them all a smile. Petra gave herself a moment to watch her family fade away in the snowstorm outside before making her way back to the house.

It had been five years since she and Levi said goodbye to the life they knew and decided to use their second chance at life in a new place. Seeing Mikasa and Jean walk away hand in hand helped with the guilt and grief that haunted Petra ever since Eren betrayed them. She felt shivers run down her spine every time she remembered the sacrifices she and Levi made for keeping Eren alive, only for it to end in nightmares that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. Petra was happy for the girl, for moving on from Eren`s memory after all those years. She could say she was even glad for Armin and Annie for finding happiness. Petra and her husband were learning to forget. But she knew Levi would never forgive Annie for the pain she put her through. Eld, Gunther, Oluo, I hope this is what you would have wanted. Sometimes, Petra swore she could feel the pain running down her spine when she stared into her blue eyes.

Petra smiled when she made her way back inside to a quiet house to find her husband asleep in his wheelchair. Despite having just celebrated his 45th birthday, Levi was still blessed with a youthful appearance. But Petra could notice the faint wrinkles around his mouth and eyes every time he gave her one of the smiles that he reserved just for “the only person around him who didn`t make shitty tea”. When she closed her eyes, she could still picture Levi in his youth with his wings on his back, a young god in all his glory. Sometimes, Petra found it hard to believe how much a quiet life could change a restless soul. After everything they had been through, she knew Levi had never been happier. Petra ran her hand through his hair, more grey than black nowadays, and she could see the slight smirk forming on Levi`s face.

“Sneaking up on an old man, Ral?”

Petra got down on the floor in front of the wheelchair, with her head in his lap. She hummed and closed her eyes when she felt her husband playing with her hair locks- “You haven`t called me that in a while.”

Levi gave her forehead a small kiss before wrapping his arms around his wife- “Maybe I just miss being your captain.”

He was more than happy with the life they built together. But sometimes, Levi`s thoughts drifted to the memory of the wind on his face as he flew from tree to tree, of the adrenaline he felt running through his blood every time he made a perfect cut in titan flesh, and he could feel his heart ache with regret. After his injury, it was hard for Levi to accept his movement would be limited for the remaining time he had left. But Petra never gave up on him, as she stood by his side through every failure, through every harsh word he threw at her in his frustration. Levi was not a religious person, but he felt like Petra was sent to him by whatever deity there was out there to make up for the shitty life he had before he met her.

Petra looked up at him, and Levi couldn`t help the smile forming on his face at the sight of the love in his wife`s eyes- “You will always be my captain, Levi.”

Levi just nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around her. Spending his birthday with his wife in his arms was all that he wanted from life. Levi pulled her up in his lap, and she clung around him as her life depended on it. He kissed her nose only to see Petra wrinkle it, a gesture that he always found adorable. Petra captured his lips in a kiss, and Levi opened his mouth to let her deepen it. She smiled when she could taste the tea on his tongue, and he kissed her until she ran out of breath. Levi gave her nose another kiss before laying her head on his chest to feel his heart beating just for her.

Levi couldn`t help but cringe at the sight of the mess his guests left in the kitchen, and Petra gave a big laugh the moment she caught it - “I knew I shouldn`t have given those brats alcohol.”

“Levi, they`re not brats anymore. Some even have their own family.”

Levi cupped her face and gave her another kiss to shut her up- “A brat will always be a brat, Petra.”

Petra just laughed at her husband`s antics and made her way to the kitchen table. She picked up the box in her hands and was surprised to recognize Mikasa`s handiwork on the decoration. Mikasa and Levi had a difficult relationship from the start, but since Eren died, Petra tried to make the girl feel a part of their small family.

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

Levi made his way to the table, and Petra could feel his hands on her hips, drawing her into his lap again. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes as Levi laid small kisses on her neck. She felt him whispering against her soft skin- “I would rather see your present.”

Petra smiled, feeling her husband`s excitement at the prospect of her gift through his pants- “How about a bath first?”

“I love you.”

Petra giggled, knowing her husband would love the prospect of getting clean more than making love to her. After she got the water ready for him, she helped him up in the tub, ignoring the hurt painted on his face every time she had to make an effort to help him with anything.

Levi kissed her again, trying to pull her into the bathtub with him, but Petra whispered against his lips- “Lay back.”

He obeyed her, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Petra`s fingertips on his skin. Levi moaned when he felt her hands through his hair, and Petra gave his forehead a small kiss. He opened his eyes to see the sad look on her face, and he knew the words on the tip of her tongue before she voiced them out- “Do you think we deserve this? To be happy?”

Levi knew his wife struggled with guilt ever since the moment she was the only survivor of her squad. He found her more dead than alive, whispering the guys` names over and over again. Asking him why she was allowed to live when they weren`t. Her guilt only got worse the moment Eren chose to betray them, Petra taking the responsibility for his actions on her back. Levi tried to convince her they couldn`t have known what Eren`s true intentions were, but he knew the guilt would always be there. So many years passed, and he still held her and kissed her tears away every time a nightmare plagued her sleep.

“We haven`t done anything bad, Petra.”

Levi could see the faint tears in her eyes and pulled her closer to him, ready to kiss them away. Petra got down on the floor next to the tub, and she barely whispered- “But we haven`t done anything good either.”

Levi kissed her hard, and he could feel Petra whimper and wrap her arms around him. He kissed her until the water got cold, and she pulled away from him, with a smile on her face- "My clothes are a wet mess now.”

Levi kissed her one more time before whispering against her lips- “You can always get out of those clothes.” Petra giggled but got started on cleaning his back instead. She didn`t want her husband to get a cold.

Levi took her calloused hand in his and brought it to his lips to kiss it- “You work too hard.”

Petra smiled, feeling like it was the perfect moment to break the news to him- “ It`s going to get harder with three mouths to feed.” She couldn`t help the smile that got bigger and bigger on her face at the realization hitting Levi.

“Pet, you`re…?”

She felt tears run down her cheeks, and she couldn`t help but smile at the surprise etched on his face. They had never talked about trying to have children, but they hadn’t done anything to prevent it either. After five years, she was sure it wasn`t on her husband`s mind anymore. Petra just nodded to him, unable to form a word, and Levi pulled her into the tub with him. He kissed her until she ran out of breath while one of his hands rubbed her still flat tummy.

“Do you like your present?”

Levi kissed her again before whispering into her ear- “I love you.” As he kissed his wife over and over again, Levi swore he would protect his family until his dying breath.

[holykillercake]

Hazy Justice - 03

01 02 03

🇨‌🇴‌🇵‌!🇸‌🇲‌🇴‌🇰‌🇪‌🇷‌ 🇽‌ 🇲‌🇮‌🇱‌🇮‌🇹‌🇦‌🇷‌🇾‌🇩‌🇴‌🇨‌🇹‌🇴‌🇷‌!🇷‌🇪‌🇦‌🇩‌🇪‌🇷‌

word count: 2.5k

summary: After eight years serving your country in a war, you returned to your hometown as the new head of Trauma Surgery in one of the best hospitals in the country. You were expecting a calmer life now, but suddenly you see yourself choosing between your brain and your heart, light and dark, justice and evil.

highlight: ¨You looked like millions of dollars, and you felt like millions of dollars.¨

warning:  Use sunglasses. Too bright.

notes: .Dear comrades, it has been a while but it's finally here! With new characters and lots and lots of threads.

🇱‌🇪‌🇦‌🇻‌🇪‌ 🇨‌🇴‌🇲‌🇲‌🇪‌🇳‌🇹‌🇸‌, 🇭‌🇪‌🇦‌🇷‌🇹‌🇸‌, 🇦‌🇳‌🇩‌ 🇱‌🇴‌🇻‌🇪‌!

¨Hello...¨ you were instantly greeted by the tingling doorbells that let the owner know whenever a client entered the establishment. 

Your eyes traveled to the half-moon bar where the slim and tall woman leaned casually, cigarette adorning her elegant fingers. Her eyebrows raised as she took in your figure, double-checking if you were not someone else.

¨Oh! Y/N-chan, is that you?¨

¨Shakky!¨ she made her way out of the bar to hug you ¨It´s so good to see you! You haven´t changed at all!¨

Her kind chuckle made you feel like a kid again, and you couldn´t stop yourself from tearing with the nostalgic feeling.

 ¨Thanks, Baby. Now you,¨ she put her hands on your shoulders and opened a distance, eyes examining you like a mother hawk ¨you look tired. Eight years in war made you no good.¨

You nodded and laughed ¨I guess we can put it that way.¨

¨Come, treat is on the house.¨ 

Clapping your hands, you followed the lady towards the bar. ¨So, where´s Rayleigh-san?¨ 

¨He just left, but it shouldn´t take long. He´ll be happy to see you, Y/N-chan.¨

The circumstances that connect you to Shakky and Rayleigh go way back to decades ago when your parents were still alive. By that time, all you knew was that they were friends, people you could trust. You were not allowed to ask more questions about their jobs, and you couldn´t find a suitable answer with the information you had. 

They were always on the road, visiting only once in a while. They would bring incredible gifts from various countries and discuss ¨adult matters¨ with your parents while Crocodile helped you with homework. 

Whenever you brought up your curiosities to your brother, he would say that they talked about the war, and you were too young to hear such things. Crocodile was also not allowed in the room, but he´d always peer into the conversation through the ventilation ducts. 

If he´s saying, it must be true.  

Since your dad was a Lieutenant Colonel, there was always the possibility of his unit being requested to offer back up or engage actively. You never minded it, though. He had already been sent to a lot of dangerous missions, and he came back every single time. He was strong and invincible. He would always return to his family. 

Well, that was true until the day you found your mother in the kitchen, breaking in tears, holding a smudged letter in her hands, together with your father´s dog tag. 

You stared at her and your brother, blinking in the hope of seeing what was wrong. The woman at the kitchen table did not look like your mother. She had no sparkle in her eyes or pride in her chest.

On the contrary, thick and dark tears fell from her eyes, blurred from the makeup that always accentuated her piercing gaze. Her lips were not curved in the tender smile she used to carry. Instead, she bit her lower lip so hard that you could almost see blood staining her pink lipstick.

¨Dad´s not coming home.¨ was all Crocodile said.

That was not the time when things got completely off track, but it was a significant change in your family's life. The government offered a military pension and a country flag for the services provided by your father. However, you had to be transferred to the Commercial District, where your mother worked as an archivist at the Ohara Institute of Historical Research. 

¨Y/N?¨ you heard a male voice call, making you turn. 

Your eyes shifted between the two male figures standing at the door. ¨Rayleigh-san!¨ you shouted like a kid seeing Santa Claus at the shopping mall ¨Smoker!?¨ this one came out more like a question. 

¨You have grown, little one!¨ he patted your head like old times. ¨Maybe my white hair makes sense. I´ve aged!¨ he laughed cheerfully, and Smoker tilted his head. 

¨Finer than wine!¨ you giggled, then turned to the other white-haired man, cheeks blushing ¨This is, uhm... I swear I´m not following you.¨ 

¨Oh, you two know each other?¨ Shakky asked, adding two more old-fashioned glasses on the counter. 

¨We´re neighbors!¨ 

¨That´s great! Come, we have a lot to talk! Today is on the house!¨ Rayleigh shouted similar words as his wife. You wondered if that was the synchronization of personalities or if the alcohol he had prior was impairing his judgment. 

Shakky decided to close for the day, wanting to spend as much time as possible in your company. The clock seemed to have stopped while you were drinking, eating snacks, and catching up on years of conversation. 

It was funny how sometimes it felt like a ping pong game between you and Rayleigh. Every so often, the conversation would turn into matches of him serving shots of military-wise improper questions and you backhanding with ¨That´s classified information, Rayleigh-san.¨.

Did he have a poor memory or all those years of scotch and cigars in your father´s office taught him nothing? Either way, you were having too good of a time at that table to worry about his faulty memory. 

¨Are you sure you´re neighbors?¨ Shakky asked with a playful grin ¨You seem to know nothing about each other.¨

¨I would say that´s a pretty sharp point.¨ you answered in the same lighted tone. 

¨Tight schedules, I´d say.¨ Smoker added, shifting on the couch.

¨But it looks like you´re free today. How about dinner? Four of us, our house, like old times Y/N.¨ Rayleigh seemed too keen on this, and you wondered if he was trying to set you up on a date. 

¨Well, as much as I would love that, I´ve got plans for tonight.¨ 

¨Let me guess,¨ Rayleigh created a tension ¨classified information?¨ 

You laughed loudly at his stupid joke. It was a predictable Ray-san ice breaker, but you couldn't help yourself. This man was a blissful delight. 

¨Much to your content, tonight´s plan I´ll be able to spill.¨ you teased him ¨I´m having dinner with Crocodile tonight!¨ 

What happened after you pronounced those words would have gone unnoticed by someone inattentive. It felt like a slight change in the air, like those quiet moments before a bomb exploded, when the clock stopped ticking. 

You didn´t have the chance to question before Shakky took the wheel. 

¨That´s great, Y/N!¨ her elegant hands embraced yours, affectionate and caring ¨Did you see how much he´s changed?¨ 

¨Uhm, actually,¨ you blinked, focusing back on the conversation ¨it´s the first I meet him in... eight years.¨ 

The tightness you felt in your chest almost made you tear, and the woman saw it. Her eyes carried a hint of compassion... or pity. 

¨You miss him a great deal, right, Baby?¨ 

¨Yeah...¨ you shrugged ¨he was out of town when I arrived, so I only got the chance now. But how´s he doing? Did he change a lot?¨

¨Oh, baby, it´s been a while since we met. He´s a busy man, you know.¨ 

Your brows raised, then furrowed, and you had a perplexed smile hanging on your lips. You would not have believed those words if they hadn´t come directly from them. 

¨Oh, wha- well, I´ll¨ a nervous laugh left your mouth ¨I´ll drag him by the hair, then! Busy man, bullshit! He used to bug mom and dad all the time, asking why you guys couldn´t live with us!¨

¨Don´t stress yourself over that, Y/N.¨ Rayleigh said with his gentle smile.  ¨He runs a lot of businesses, I´m sure he would drop by more if he could.¨ 

Shakky nodded¨And, it´s your first time in the Light District, right? Was that the only district you haven´t lived in yet?¨

¨That and the Noble District, obviously.¨ you rolled your eyes.

¨You lived in all other districts?¨ Smoker asked after a silent moment in the conversation.

¨Yeah, long story and not that interesting. You´d be bored, trust me.¨ 

¨It´s rather difficult to find someone who lived in more than two districts, so I´d like to hear that.¨ 

¨Alright, but don´t say I didn´t warn you.¨ 

You peeked at your wristwatch, running some basic math in your head and deciding that it was time to go if you didn´t want to be late for dinner. Your lips twisted in a pout, and your expression dropped a little for having to leave this fantastic moment.  

Surprisingly enough, leaving them was not as difficult as you imagined. Maybe because they reminded you that you could visit them anytime now, or because you did not want to act like a crybaby on Smoker´s car. 

He said it was also about time for him to leave and offered you a ride back home. You would not have to take the subway and would get the chance to know him better.

 A win-win situation. 

The first minutes were a bit silent, but after you asked him if he should be driving since he had quite a lot to drink, he responded with an awkward stuttering that was rather charming. The conversation that followed was smooth as you realized he was way easier to talk to than you imagined. 

Smoker was respectful, always making sure that it was ok for you to talk about your past while sharing some things about his life as well. Inside of that car, he almost seemed like a different person. His brows were not furrowed ad his voice sounded relaxed. 

The ride ended too fast for your liking, and you saw yourself waving goodbye when deep down you wanted to ask him to stay for a coffee. Unfortunately, you couldn´t, maybe some other day. Now you had to make yourself presentable to meet your other half, your brother. 

                                                            ...

The Light District was nothing like you had seen before. The entrance was marked by a gigantic golden arch, which carried an equally shining bell.

Tall palm trees swayed in the cool breeze, tinged with orange by the sunset. Luxurious establishments, whose signs began to be lit, occupied both sides of the clear sidewalk. 

From a distance, you could see the tip of the Ferris wheel of the Sora park. It did not spin due to the recess, but the lights remained on. The roller coaster that had been the cause of the accident was surrounded by tall metal poles, being repaired for the reopening of the place.

The driver Crocodile sent to pick you up lowered the window so you could enjoy the view to the fullest. Your hair started to fly in the wind, and a delicious smell of butter invaded your nose. The restaurants had already begun to heat up the pots to receive their customers.

The Light District was projected to offer convenience to the ones who were willing to pay the price. Therefore, all that was best was located in Eldorado Avenue, the main passage that extended for kilometers like a luxurious and soft red carpet. 

¨We are approaching the hotel, miss Y/N. Sir Crocodile awaits for you.¨

¨Uh...¨ you murmured, amazed by the view. 

You squinted when something reflected in your eyes, catching your attention, and a gasp got stuck in your throat when you spotted the famous Hotel Verde.

 Well, it was impossible not to notice it. 

First of all, it did not look like a hotel. It resembled more a small town. Even taller palm trees guided the way towards the entrance, both sides occupied by ponds and tropical plants. The building stood tall like a lighthouse and at the top rested an enormous golden statue of the reptile that represented its owner.  

You did not wait for Daz, the man your brother chose to escort you, to get out when the car stopped. You put yourself out as soon as the limo parked in front of the main stairway. After so many years without putting on a heel, maybe you would accept a hand to go up the stairs.

Your hands smoothed the dark green silk dress that dragged on a short tail, courtesy of Crocodile, along with shoes and jewelry. You looked like millions of dollars, and you felt like millions of dollars.

When the valet took the car somewhere else, Daz put himself beside you, offering you his arm. Your heart pounded like the Ox Bell at every step, and you breathed through your mouth, trying to keep your cool. 

You saw various types of people coming in and out of the hotel, all of them embellished with jewels and shiny tackles like Christmas trees. Each and every one exalted wealth and power, with their nonchalant glares and pointed noses. Your gut twisted, remembering Shakky and Rayleigh´s words, wishing Crocodile hadn´t turned into someone like them. 

The long stairway was divided in the middle by a golden rail, separating who went up from who went down. That might have been the reason why the man coming down your way caught your attention. Or perhaps it was the weight of his gaze, hidden by the reddish specs. His blonde hair and skin seemed like gold, the pink suit looked orange-ish due to the sunset, and his wide grin made you quiver. 

He walked with two men by his side, freeing the way for him. At some point, no one dared to come close to the stairs. It was only the five of you. 

¨Daz!¨ the man, who seemed more familiar now, exclaimed ¨I wonder who´s the person that would make you leave your boss´back.¨

He approached you, hungry gaze brimming on his tongue. He was tall and seemed even more as he closed the distance. 

¨Not even the luxury dolls get to be escorted.¨ he gently took your hand and kissed your knuckles with delicacy. 

You weren´t convinced by his gesture. If anything, you felt bothered to see him disrespecting the house´s rules, as if that disrespected you directly. ¨Tell me, dear, what is your name?¨

¨If you wish to know something from someone, it is more appropriate to introduce yourself first.¨ your voice came out indifferent and a vein popped on his forehead before breaking into laughter.

¨Fufufu I can´t say you are wrong!¨ he leaned back, large hand on his stomach. ¨I´m Donquixote Doflamingo. It surprised me that you couldn't put that together. Now tell me, doll, what do they call you?¨

You sighed and looked around, spotting a figure at the top of the stairs that lifted your mood and gave you all the strength and confidence you needed to end the conversation. A smile grew on your lips as you turned to Doflamingo, eyeing him with nothing but the will to leave. 

¨They call me Lieutenant-Colonel Y/N L/N, Division Surgeon of the Army. Or just LT Colonel L/N if you prefer.¨ you offered him a respectful nod before turning your attention to the man who waited for you with a smile on his face. ¨Now, if you excuse me, Mr. Donquixote.¨

[laceymorganwrites]

Shallow love

Word count: 2,128

Pairing: Nacht x reader

Warnings: SPOILER ALERT, swearing, teeny bit of gore, insecurities, I probaby butchered his character >.< I´m so sorry, baby

A/N: NACHT APPEARS IN TODAY´S EPISODE SO OMG I HAD TO POST THIS!!!!

okay so

Nacht is my second favorite Black Clover character and yes, I am currently: freaking out. also he has Dabi´s VA so: perfection. 

I will definitely post more about him in the future! I just wanted to get this out today since it just fit so well <333 I´ll be back to regular posting in April

You didn´t think that you would ever be able to feel peace again and go back to your normal life after the attack of the Diamond kingdom.

And yet here you were, in the calm after the storm.

It was weird. Everything was in chaos, the villages and overall buildings were even more destroyed than when the eye of the midnight sun attacked.

Everything was as per usual at the Black Bull´s base, nothing out of the ordinary except for Yami forcing Nacht to stay now.

You´ve known him for a long time now, being the first member of the squad, and you never could read him. He always intrigued you.

And yet he also always made you distance yourself from him.

Nacht was the type of guy who was too blunt for his own good. You appreciated honesty, but he just always made it hurt.

You knew full well that you weren´t an innocent little lamb, but who was?

What irked you most about him was how badly he thought and spoke about his own squad, to this day you asked yourself why he even joined in the first place, he could´ve just as easily denied Yami´s order.

Sure, Yami could be persistent, but that wouldn´t stop someone like Nacht.

There had to be more to the two of them but over the years you learned that you just didn´t want to know.

Every time you approached Nacht about it he just shut you off and reminded you of all your flaws again.

Like he always did. With everyone.

Except for Asta, like everyone, he took a liking to the little guy.

Though, you had to admit Nacht seemed more open and approachable after the war. And yet you didn´t.

Instead you watched him at first reluctantly, over time without any hesitation, becoming rather friendly, talking to the rest of the squad.

In all those years you have known him you always asked yourself whether you really did. You highly doubted it.

You just couldn´t figure him out. Did he just wear a mask? Were all of his infuriating smiles for show? Was it all a game to him? What were his goals?

And why…

No. You didn´t want to think about that.

What was the point anyway? Anyone got a crush at some point, the only difference was that crushes usually didn´t last this long.

Especially if said person didn´t pay you any mind unless they were insulting you.

Nacht mostly stayed to himself, making it known he didn´t want anything to do with the rest of the squad.

Though like anyone else who stayed with them for a long amount of time, he warmed up to everyone. Still, he had his moments and didn´t exactly change his opinion. Because in his world people couldn´t change, they just didn´t.

And that made you sad.

Because deep down you just wanted him to acknowledge you, to tell you that you weren´t as bad as he thought, that you were a good person.

But at one point being around him just hurt. You cared too much, thought too much about him, it kept you awake at night.

If only you went out of your room into the kitchen where he would stay because of the same problem.

Especially since that day…

You were surrounded. Everywhere you looked you saw black, greedy eyes. The devils were everywhere and all hope seemed lost. You couldn´t rely on Asta only anymore, he already went through enough. He shouldn´t fight your battles for you just because he had strong powers, he was just a little boy.

And yet there he was, fighting ferociously, once again defeating the devil that came to slay everyone that day all those centuries ago.

It was hard to keep at least somewhat of an overview, everything seemed in shambles and the screams and cries of everyone were deafening.

You really shouldn´t be focusing on Nacht right now, now was not the time. Not that there ever was an appropriate time for that anyway.

But of course you just couldn´t help yourself, your eyes wandered to him frequently even as you told them to stop.

Though in this instance it might have not been that bad. Your eyes went wide as you realized what he was about to do, everything around you faded away, you felt numb and your body moved on its own to prevent him from going through with his plan.

“Please die with me” were the last things that left his lips that shut your brain off and made you move automatically. They weren´t uttered to you, Nacht didn´t even look in your direction, it was none of your business.

Even still you couldn´t just stand by idly and watch him die, watch one of the only chances you had at winning die, watch the man you hated to love die.

The little devil on his shoulder looked scared as your gaze met him and honestly, you could understand it all too well.

You were scared too but now wasn´t a time for fear, you needed to stop him at all costs.

“That´s the stupidest thing you ever said!” you screamed out as you were still running towards him.

Finally his head turned to you, he still had that infuriating smile on his lips, though it was so sad this time.

“It´s the only way…” he replied.

“You don´t know that! You can´t know that! You can´t just throw you life away like that, it won´t change anything! In fact it will… we will lose. We will lose so much more than just the fight, don´t you understand that? You´re not more or less important than the rest of us and you´re our vice captain, so it´s my duty to stop you from sacrificing yourself!” you said, grabbing his shoulders and frantically panting, you looked at him aghast, shocked, eyes wide and searching for something...anything in his eyes that wasn´t dull.

“Then we´re all going to die, but it´s so typical of you to be so selfish” he told you, his tone as entitled as always.

“You´re selfish too, you know that?” you whispered, averting your eyes.

“You can´t just run away from your responsibilities. It isn´t right” you stood your ground, balling your fists in anger and frustration.

“It´s the only way, why do you even try to stop me?” he sighed, looking at you. He was feeling quite frustrated now too, what were you trying to achieve? If he didn´t make this sacrifice so many more people would die, didn´t you care about them? Wasn´t it your job to protect everyone? So why were you trying to desperately to save him out of all people?

“Because I care. A lot. We all do. And yes it´s selfish, you´re right about that. We´re all selfish losers and assholes but you know what? We do it best and we´re goddamn proud not to be as picture perfect as all the others. That´s what defines us. And you don´t have to agree with that, but I´m fucking stubborn so don´t think for even a second that I´ll let you go through with your stupid plan!” you looked at him with such emotion, such passion, it made his heart ache with a foreign familiarity.

Nacht never paid you any more mind than he did the others, just thinking all of you were useless. That was why he was so surprised that someone would voluntarily want to save him.

He treated you like shit, sure it was more out of a defense mechanism cause he couldn´t bear leaving people behind, having people worry about him, he already had enough guilt to carry.

But hearing your words was like a revelation to him.

Maybe he still had a role to play in life, maybe his story wasn´t over yet and just maybe could he live his life without having to fulfill anything, but solely for himself and the ones he cared about.

Maybe it was finally time to start caring more than he was ready to admit, to take a step into the unknown and discover it with…

You.

It had always been you, he realized as he saw your desperate face, your hands on his shoulders, all dirty from fighting and yet feeling warmer than any fire ever could.

“Yes, maybe living might not be that bad” he tilted his head, smiling at you.

You felt an intense amount of relief wash over you as you gave him an exhausted smile back.

That was the first time you ever smiled at him, Nacht would never forget that moment, the moment in which you broke down his walls without even knowing it.

He would have to thank you later for that, when he fully comprehended what that meant.

Asta and you were training together again outside while the others were inside going on about their daily ruckus. Some were on missions already but some, like Asta, who were wounded and exhausted still needed to rest properly.

Though it was no use. Asta would never rest like he should unless he was knocked out.

And you tried that the first week, you each took turns but eventually you just couldn´t keep up anymore and let him train like he wanted.

Nacht also kept training with him, though he himself was new to everything going on and needed time to properly accommodate to things.

You stretched a bit, sitting down to just enjoy the sun for a moment.

“I can´t wait to go on missions again! I´m as good as new, I´m ready, I promise!” Asta beamed and showed off a bit but you only sighed.

“It´s not my call, kid” you apologized.

Asta pouted and kept training.

“You got a mission” Yami announced as he joined you outside and Asta practically jumped up and down with excitement and energy.

“Just the usual, rebuilding a town and fighting some magic beasts that escaped” he explained and Nacht slowly appeared behind him.

Asta´s eyes were beaming right now, he was excited to learn even more about the devil´s powers although he got quite the hang of it and even made a new friend.

Nacht smiled and waved at you, you just looked away as always and stood up to go back inside.

Nothing had changed anyway.

Until Yami stopped you in your tracks.

“If you get going now you´re gonna return by nightfall” he said and you nodded.

Asta sighed in frustration.

“I wanna go on a mission too!” he cried out.

“Not happening” all three of you said at the same time, shutting him up for a bit.

Both you and Nacht didn´t say anything as you made your way to the town in question.

Nacht because he didn´t know how to approach you and you because you thought there was no point in it, he wouldn´t think of you any differently.

And so you started your mission, once again fighting alongside each other and even though the task was dull Nacht´s presence gave you an energy that was unmatched, you just couldn´t help but smile.

When you were done you went deeper into the town to help the people rebuild it.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” he said out of the blue, making you turn around in confusion.

“Why would I go on a date with a guy who hates my guts?” you asked, making him sigh sadly.

“I´m sorry if I left that impression on you. I really don´t hate you… it´s quite the opposite actually” he explained.

“Did you just… I swear I never heard you apologize in all those years I´ve known you” you chuckled, not quite processing the second half of his statement.

“I never saw the point in it. All my life I always watched from afar, I always wanted to save people but you know, I´m just operating in the shadows. I´m good at spying and gaining information, saving people. Not so much making friends with them. I never saw it as my role. After all I lived my life for the kingdom and its people and not for myself. Why would I care if anyone liked me? In fact it would be the worst thing that could happen… death was always part of the job description and I was always willing to take that risk if it meant you could live longer. But now… ever since that day, I just want to live with you” he confessed, leaving you at a loss for words, so you did the only logical thing to you in this moment: hug him tightly.

“Of course I´d like to go on a date with you, Nacht. And I will keep protecting you” you smiled.

[seventeensarmy]

(2) Stuck With You (OT7!Hybrid Au)

Pairing: OT7xReader, Jungkook x Reader, rest will come in the course of the story

Warnings: a tiny bit angst in like the flashbacks, but also combined with fluff, bad written smut , oral (m. receiving), dirty talk, unprotected sex (reader is on pill, but i didn´t write that. Also don´t do unprotected sex!), spanking, dom/sub dynamics, that i described idk.. maybe a bit to obvious.

Words: 3.670

Summary: Planning to train the whole day doesn´t sit well with Jungkook, especially if he gets easily distracted. (Not gonna lie, this is kind of a filler chapter, because I wanted to give a bit more detail to JK´s and readers realationship)

A/N: Next Chapter we´ll have the next member appear, share your guesses?!

Previous / Next 

Chapter two

“And do you know where I want you? On your knees”

Taglist: @imezz​ @anxietylovesme​ @holaaaf​ @ot7purple​ 

(Not my gif)

One year ago ( Jungkook 21 / Reader 20)

 "Stop cheating!", you exclaimed, looking giggling through the mirror, watching Jungkook trying to warm up with you.

This morning he had insisted to try to warm up with you, but he quickly realised, that a ballet warm up looks a lot different than a normal gym warm up.

You were standing and bending down trying to reach your toes.

 Jungkook, being the good boyfriend he is, said he had to watch you do it first, so he'd know how to do it. Naively, you believed him, continuing with your warm up, not noticing that Jungkook didn't participate until you looked up to change the exercise.

"I'm not cheating, I'm practising my patience", he smirked, "You don't know how much patience and will it takes me to not take you right here. Seeing you so nicely bend over for me"

You felt the blood rush into your face, standing up straight to look up to him.

"Don't distract me", you whined, shuddering as his hands roamed over your body, setting on your behind. "I didn't get to train yesterday either", you pouted, remembering the way he didn't even let you leave the bed yesterday.

His grip tightened around your waist, one hand left to bring down a harsh slap on your ass, making you whimper.

"But I'm pretty sure you still owe me two free days, seeing as you trained three weeks non-stop."

You looked away, not wanting to see his smirk, as you realised he was right.

The last years had been rough, but better because of Jungkook.

 After hearing about your parents’ death you didn't know what to do. You were underage with no family, you couldn't live alone.

The lawyer came the next day and had even brought his hybrid, claiming that maybe the hybrid would have a calming effect on you.

After smelling the hybrid Jungkook came stomping out of the room he was hiding in, saying if someone would calm you it was him.

The lawyer had asked you if Jungkook was your hybrid and you admitted that he wasn't. The both of you feared that Jungkook would now be taken to a shelter, but were surprised when the lawyer asked you if you wanted him to be.

You and Jungkook were speechless, Jungkook becoming your hybrid?! You nodded your head rapidly and you could swear Jungkooks eyes were becoming teary.

After that the lawyer asked if you had anyone who could be your guardian and you immediately thought of your nanny and cook.

Unsurprisingly both of the asked adults didn't even need to be convinced. But seeing as they both had their own families and didn't want to move into your house and you didn't want to intrude in their lives, you came to the decision that you would stay in the house on your own and the staff would just come to work like they used to.

Money was a bit trickier; till you were legal your guardians would be in control of the money your parent left you. It was a huge sum and you were grateful, that even though your parents seemed to be travelling a lot they still managed to save up just as much, if not more.

 You and Jungkook should never have trouble with money, even of the staff was paid and bought the food from the same sum.

Now you were 20, last year you got your first credit card.

Hybrid laws were also changed in the last years, allowing them access to education (though not in public school) and even own money, so you also got a card for Jungkook with access to your money.

He started to be home-schooled with you, though he had to start first on the basics like reading and writing. But since its Jungkook, everything he set in his mind he achieved.

 You were planning to stay in Busan till you finished your school, maybe then moving to Seoul. After talking about it with Jungkook a plan was easy made.

You'd finish school here and move to Seoul, you weren't sure though if you'd want to sell your home. Jungkook told you that, if you could afford to keep it, you should keep it.

 Living with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you, he helped you to get over your parents death in a way no one else could. It had been hard, you couldn't eat and sleep, barley functioning.

It had been Jungkook who fed you when none of the staff could talk you into eating.

He was staying with you in your room, holding you while you were crying and mourning. True, the relationship to your parents was rough, them never being around and pressuring you. But they were still your parents and now they were dead.

 "Kookie, please. Just an hour or so", you begged, it was true, you were training a lot, but you had a performance in a few days and saying you were nervous was an understatement. It was the first time you were dancing in a competition in the age class adult. The people you were competing against were probably a whole lot older than you. “I think you trained quiet a lot the last weeks. A few days rest would help you gain some more energy” Jungkook said frowning.

“I need the practice, I know you don´t like it, but they all have more experience than me. How am I supposed to keep up with them? I have enough energy, I just need to get the choreography right. There are still so many parts that aren´t perfect, did you see my last few turns? If I don´t work on them I don´t even need to show up to the competition. Also, why would you even let me warm up if you don´t want me to practice?”, you were starting to rant, but you couldn´t stop yourself now, hands wildly moving you started to realise how many flaws your dance still had.

Jungkooks hand came up to your face, holding your chin tightly, making you look up and stop your movement. His gaze made you freeze immediately.

Never had you thought that your poor bunny would be so dominant and you never thought you would be so submissive. Though Jungkook told you it was pretty clear from the beginning that even though you are the human, you weren't really in control. You didn't know if you should have been offended, but you couldn't find it in you. You had just scoffed, saying, that if you really wanted to be in charge you could, but saying it felt like lying and your boyfriend just laughed.

There was no other person that you trusted like him, so you didn't mind letting him take control, it kinda took away a lot of your anxiety and stress and you saw that Jungkook was enjoying it too. Finally being able to have some control after living on the streets for years and not being able to control his own destiny.

You were looking up to him, hoping he would at least give you an hour.

He chuckled at your try to convince him.

"You know I don't like you training too much. You're going to overwork yourself again", his tone was calm, but firm, you tried to avoid his gaze, but he still held your chin, not letting you look away.

"Just an hour, please Kookie. Just for my peace of mind. So I won't feel bad"

 You could see him thinking, he was avoiding your eyes, knowing he would give in as soon as he looked at you.

Jungkook groaned, "You get one hour of normal training. Don't even think about pushing more than usual or I'll make you sit on that couch for the rest of the week. And I'm watching."

Knowing it wouldn´t be smart to argue you nodded, hugging him tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He rolled his eyes and sat down.      

You started training, the moves just so flowing out of you, you didn´t even need to think about it. Dancing was the only thing in your life that was constantly there, before you had Jungkook, you had dance. While your parents had always pressured you to do better and told you to take part in competitions, you had still kept your love for ballet. Now dancing felt like the most natural thing to you, that doesn´t mean there weren´t moments where you wanted to quit.

You remember first starting to dance on pointe and how your toes kept hurting even days after. You couldn´t imagine continuing dancing like that, where was the fun in doing it when it was hurting you while doing it. You remember your mother screaming at you when you told her; you didn’t want to dance anymore. She was telling you how ungrateful you were being, claiming that you shouldn´t stop the only thing you were good at/for just because you were weak.

But you also remember Jungkook comforting you when you were crying to him that day, you almost expected him to tell you to quit, because you were crying so much. You knew he didn´t like seeing you sad or hurt, so it would only make sense for him to tell you to stop, but he didn´t. Instead he told you, that dancing was your passion and you shouldn´t stop just because you hit a rough patch.

“It may be hurting now, but imagine how you´ll be feeling once you can dance absolutely free. You´ll be able to do anything you like. Don´t you think that pain will be worth it in the end?” Your first reaction to his speech was a snort, no eleven year old boy could talk like that, you were convinced he heard something along the lines before somewhere and decided to recite that to you. But then you saw the serious look on his face and understood that he knew what he said and he meant it. You went to bed that day thinking about his words, you couldn´t really imagine how it would feel to dance without pain again, you didn´t think that would be possible again. Then the words Jungkook spoke hit you, you wanted to know how it would feel, you wanted to dance.

Thinking back on it now, you realised how stupid you were for even thinking about stopping dancing, but that´s why you were also so thankful for the bunny. You didn´t know how you would have decided without him, maybe you would have continued for your mother and grew to hate it, maybe you would have stopped and suffered the wrath of your mother.

Arms snaked around your torso, stopping your movement; you felt a hand brush your cheek. “Why are you crying?” Jungkook asked softly. You didn´t realise you were crying, you held eye contact through the mirror, cupping his hand with your smaller one and leant back on him. The two of you were just swaying comfortably to the music in the background.

“I just thought about how thankful I´m for you” you said quietly, knowing your boyfriend will hear you anyway. “You are pretty amazing, you know?”

Jungkook grinned before firing tiny kisses to your cheek and jaw, “I know I´m great, but don´t forget that you made me this great.” You shook your head, “You did that by yourself, I just let you be.”

The song faded out, but the two of you stayed this close, still swaying with no real rhythm. “You know, I looked at some houses in Seoul. I think there are some you´d really like” Jungkook mumbled into your hair, before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. You hummed before finally turning around to face him, “But Kookie, we still have to finish the school year here, before we can go and move out.”

You were a bit confused why he would already worry about your new place; you still had to finish your last year of home schooling. “I know, but I thought, that we could maybe start looking around a bit, also, your school year has like eight months left, which isn´t a year, if I´m correct”

Jungkook looked smug as he realised, you couldn´t really say anything against that, you shook your head and rolled your eyes, “Whatever” You tried to wiggle out of his grip, but the way to strong bunny didn´t let you move an inch.

Instead he gripped your chin tightly, “Did you just roll your eyes at me?” he asked in a low tone, sending shivers down your spine. When you first started dating Jungkook showed already, that he didn´t accept certain behaviours and he had no problem to put you in your place should you forget. After you helped him with his first rut he only got more demanding, but you didn´t mind.

You loved to see him so confident and sure of himself and he loved to see you trusting him so much to let him be. You knew he loved being in charge and having power and he knew you loved feeling small and being taken care of, in a way you could say, that your childhood made you what you are today.

“I´m sorry”, you whimper out, not wanting to meet his stern gaze, silently cursing yourself. You knew that there was a good chance he would punish you, he already punished you for less, and while you loved it and the pleasure it brought, you loved being good for him. You wanted to be praised, be his good girl, the way he would praise you and tell you how good you were being for him always managed to make your heart flutter.

“Look at me” the dominance in his voice alone would have made you crumble to your knees immediately, if it hadn´t been for his grip on your jaw. “Did we forget how to behave now?” he spoke in a condescending tone that made your thighs clench. “First you train too much, then you dare to talk back to me, wanting to train even more, overworking yourself again. And now you roll your eyes at me and can´t even look at me. What am I gonna do with you, you brat?”

“I´m sorry Kookie, I really am”, you whine, hands softly gripping onto his arm. Jungkooks eyes soften for a short bit, before turning hard again. “I believe you are, baby girl. I know how much you love to be good for me, but sorry isn´t going to cut it this time. I think you need to be reminded where your place is. Tell me little girl, do you know where your place is?”

You shuddered, finally looking up to him through your lashes, already knowing what he wanted to hear, Jungkook watched with hungry eyes as you spoke, “Wherever you want it to be, Kookie. My place is wherever you want me.” Your boyfriend hummed in agreement, “And do you know where I want you? On your knees”

Without having to be told twice you sank to your knees, hands already on the zipper of his pants and Jungkook didn´t stop you, as you pulled his hard member out.

“That´s right, my baby already knows what I want from her. Trained her so good, so obedient for me. Go on little dancer, take it in your mouth. If you do good maybe I´ll let you cum today”

With new motivation you took the head of his member in your mouth, before flattening your tounge against his the underside of his dick. You kitten licked him a few times, but started taking him all in after he growled at you not to tease him. You began to steady bob your head up and down and Jungkooks groaning from above you told you, you did everything right. A hand came down to your hair and he started to control the pace, making you gag as his dick hit the back of your throat.

“That´s right little dancer, taking me so well, looking so pretty while you choke on my dick.”  

Jungkook watched you with hooded eyes, your hands tightly gripped the back of his thighs, tears leaking your eyes and the only sound to be heard were Jungkooks quiet groans.  “Ah fuck baby girl, if we keep going like that I´m gonna cum” he moaned and you brought your hands to his balls, trying to make him cum, especially after tasting his pre cum on your tounge.

But Jungkook had other plans, he pulled you off his dick making you stand up. “That´s not where I´m cuming in baby girl. Up to the mirror, hands against it” Before he even finished talking you were already in motion. Bend over, hands pressed against the mirror. You felt Jungkook standing behind you, big hands roaming over your back till they came to rest on your hips.

“Always so responsive for me, good girl” he praised knowing it´s what you´ve been dying to hear. His feet kicked softly against your ankles, making you widen your stance, before he hooked his fingers under your shorts, pulling them down along with your panties.

You whimper as the cool air hit your core, you arched your back, hoping Jungkook would get the hint to finally fuck you. You felt finger tips brushing down your spine till they came to a stop at your core. Whining you tried to push back, wanting Jungkook to touch you where you needed him most, but as he picked up on your neediness he chuckled, his one hand on your hips limiting your movements. “If there´s something my little dancer wants, she should just speak up”

You looked at him through the mirror, hoping your pout would make him soften up and just give you what you want. He caught your pout and smirked, one finger stroking painfully slow over your clit, making your legs tremble. “Is there something you want me to do? You are so wet, I bet there´s something you want. Speak up baby girl, you were so good at talking back earlier”

You whined at the thought of having to voice your wishes, but your whine was quickly replaced by a groan, as you felt his finger leaving your clit. Gone was the only stimulation you had gotten so far.

“No no no, Kookie. I want you to fuck me” you exclaimed loudly. You looked at Jungkook through the mirror, his face darkening and you realised, you may have forgotten something. Before you could talk again, a harsh slap came down to your ass, followed by the next. You first yelled out, but quickly started to find the pleasure in the sting. “Did you lose your manners? Is that how you talk to me? I thought you were my good girl?” he asked, not stopping spanking you and you couldn´t control your cries anymore. You could feel how wet you were and you needed him, now.

“I´m sorry, Kookie. Please, please fuck me. I promise I´ll be good. But please I need you to fuck me”, you begged and almost let out a sob as you felt his thick member slowly pushing into you. “Yes, yes, please- fuck Kookie” you rambled as he completely entered you, not giving you much time to adjust and starting off in a fast pace. Jungkooks hands both found your waist, holding you as he fucked into you. The only sound to be heard was the sound of slapping skin and yours and Jungkooks moans. You threw you head back, letting Jungkook lean forward to leave his marks all over your neck. One of his hands snaked their way between your legs, finding your clit and helping the knot in your lower stomach build.

“Look at what a good girl you can be if you want. Begging like a good girl, letting me mark you up, so everyone knows you are mine- fuck such a good girl” Jungkook moaned making your head loll in bliss. You felt your orgasm approaching, your pussy clenching around Jungkooks length. “Fuck! Keep clenching like that. Are you close, you wanna cum on my dick? Letting me pump you full of my load, yeah?”

“F-fuck, please Kookie. I wanna cum, please, can I cum? Please I-I” you were babbling by know, the pleasure coming from Jungkook combined with his dominant aura was clouding your senses. He chuckled and moaned as he also felt his dick twitch, “Look at you being my good girl and asking. Cum for me.”

At his words you felt white pleasure run over you, you came moaning Jungkoooks name, head falling forwards. Your legs felt like they might give up if it wasn´t for Jungkook holding you. Jungkooks thrust’s starting becoming sloppy, letting you know, that he was also close as he continued to fuck you.

Your pussy clenched around him, causing Jungkook to also finally cum, his finger dung into the flesh of your hips, no doubt leaving more marks. He moaned out your name, along with a few cuss words, before stilling. The sound of your heavy breathing filled the room.

Slowly he pulled himself out and turned you around, so you were standing chest to chest, you both still fully clothed above your hips. Jungkook pulled you into a sweet kiss, “My good girl, you did so well for me. I love you” You melted at his words, but the sweet moment was ruined as you felt his warm cum running down your leg. Jungkook noticed and swept you up in his arms, “Let´s get you cleaned up. How about a bath and then a movie?”

You nodded and relaxed in his arms, you pressed a sweet kiss to his neck and murmured a quiet “I love you Kookie”, but by the tightening of his grip and the smile on his face you knew that he heard you just fine.

 Next

[goldie90]

Watching Harry Potter with the Sawyers 🧙‍♂️🔮

I think J.K. Rowling did something really great when she wrote the Harry Potter books. The story about this young wizard is absolutely amazing and when the first book came out, it was also the first book I really liked to read. (It´s hard to imagine today, but as a child I didn´t liked reading that much, but this book changed that, so I guess you could say, J.K. Rowling is responsible for my love for books.😊) I´ve readed every book of the series and I loved them all. But not only the books are amazing, the movies are too. Also one thing I found pretty cool, was that when the first movie came out, I was the same age as Harry and his friends (which made watching it even more fun, because it was so easy to relate to the characters) But even now, I still enjoy watching it, so if I would live with the Sawyers, I would definitely want to watch it with them. And I´m pretty sure that most of them would like it. 

Bubba and the twins would probably immediately agree to watch it, (especially Chop who really loves the whole fantasy genre) while Drayton would be a bit sceptical, cause when I tell him about this movie, he would think that it doesn´t sound like it would be an realistic story and well, he´s right.😄 So maybe it would took a bit of time to convince him to watch it with us, but in the end he would reluctantly agree, telling himself that the movie can´t be sooo bad, cause at least it don´t have talking animals in it. Or robots. Or space ships. And because the main characters are children, there´s also no risk that the movie could have any inappropriate scenes in it. So yes, he´ll watch it with us. Grandpa don´t have an opinion on that matter anyways. He don´t know what´s going on when Bubba puts his wheelchair in front of the tv and honestly, he doesn´t care either. He´s just going to sit here, maybe taking a little nap while the rest of us is watching the movie.😴

During the opening scene, Drayton´s doubts about this movie will grow, cause when he sees how a cat transforms into a woman, he immediately sees all his fears confirmed. 

It´s going to be an highly unrealistic movie with a silly storyline and he´d agreed to see it. Damn, what have he gotten himself into again? Now he have to watch that stupid thing, or else everyone will be disappointed with him and when we´re disappointed, we will annoy him and then he have to beat us with the broom,🧹 but honestly, he don´t want to, because he´s tired from working at the gas station the whole day. So yeah, it seems like he´s in a really tricky situation right now and let me tell you, he´s not happy about it. 

Also, he´s not sure what to think about this man named Professor Dumbledore. This guy seems weird - also have he ever heard about shaving? His beard is way too long, it looks ridiculous! Who´d he think he is - Santa Claus?🎅 The longer Drayton looks at him, the more he feels the urge to give him some good smacks with the broom, maybe this would teach him to take better care of his appearance.

But at the time the Dursleys make their first appearance, Drayton´s mood will improve immediately, because he likes this family right away. 

In his opinion, they´re seem like nice, reasonable people. Uncle Vernon is the type of man, he would actually like to hang out with. The type of man he can imagine himself drinking a cold beer with, while having a nice conversation. And Aunt Petunia.... Oh, she´s amazing! What a sweet, lovely woman! 

And she´s so beautiful.😍

For the first time in his life, Drayton´s got a crush on a fictional character💘 and when he realizes it, he will be shocked about himself, because all of a sudden there are lots of inappropriate thoughts in his head and he know he shouldn´t have these kind of thoughts about a fictional woman, much less about a married fictional woman, but he just can´t help himself - Petunia Dursley is just too hot and Drayton can´t stop fantasizing about how she´s might looking under her pretty clothes... 💦 He´s not proud about it, definitely not. No, he´s deeply ashamed, to the point that he even considers to smack himself with the broom to get these sinful thoughts out of his head, but he decides against it. At least for now. 

During the scene in the zoo:

Nubbins will get really excited, because as soon as the snake escapes from the terrarium, he´s pretty sure that it´s going to eat one of the people at the zoo and damn, how great would that be? Watching someone being eaten alive by a giantic snake sounds like so much fun, also in his mind it just makes sense, cause what´s the purpose of letting the snake escape if it´s not killing someone? Of course, whoever wrote this story must have thought the same thing. 

So needless to say, my darling won´t be happy when he realize that the snake is, in fact not going to eat someone and at this moment he actually starts to think that he would be an much better screenwriter than all these stupid screenwriters out there who seem to think that it´s funny to get the audience´s hopes for some death scenes up, just to crush them afterwards. Seriously, what kind of person does such a thing? It´s just not fair! But even though he´s really angry about the whole thing, he will still enjoy these scene:

And he´s not the only one. Me, Chop and Bubba would also laugh about it, while Drayton wouldn´t be sure what to think about that situation. Of course, seeing this spoiled brat locked up in a terrarium is funny, but Petunia is so in panic because of it, and therefore Drayton won´t be able to laugh about it. 

And during this scene:

Drayton won´t even complain about how unrealistic that whole letter invasion is, because he would be to busy feeling bad for Petunia and Vernon. In his opinion, they don´t deserve something like this. They´re nice, decent people who have selflessly taking in their nephew, after this Dumbledore just left him at their door and that´s his way of thanking them for it? Terrorize them with letters? Unbelievable! Who he think he is? Professor or not, such an behaviour is just completely unacceptable and once again he feels a strong urge to give this man a good beating with the broom, but of course, that´s not possible, so instead he just gives me, Nubbins and Chop a few smacks when we dare to laugh about the situation.😟

When Harry is finally at Hogwarts

Chop will be totally amazed by the speaking hat, because A SPEAKING HAT - how groovy is that? Also, the hat decides in which house every student comes? Damn, that´s really groovy! Also, it must be really smart if it´s able to do so.

 And now he will try to imagine how it would be if he had a hat like that. He would wear it all the time and therefore he would always have someone to talk to. Even if he were driving around in his truck all by himself, he wouldn´t be really alone, because the hat would be there, right on his head and they´re could have a nice conversation about music... or aliens 👽🛸 - do hats believe in aliens? Chop is not sure about it, but he would really like to know, so this would definitely be one of the first questions he would ask the hat. Also, they´re could sing songs together.🎤🎶  Getting high together (Are hats able to get high? That´s another question he would have to ask it) Damn, there are so many things he would like to ask! Not to forget that such a hat would be a really stylish plate cover. Yes, Chop would really love to have a speaking hat, so much that he just have to share his thoughts with us, even though his twin would be the only one who´s interested in this conversation. Personally, Nubbins wouldn´t want to wear a speaking hat, but the thought of Chop wearing it is pretty cool. This way he could still talk to it, whenever he´s spending time with his twin and of course, he would also like to ask the hat some questions. Does it like headcheese? And if not, are there other speaking hats out there who like it? Also, what are hats doing all day long? Isn´t it annoying for them that they don´t have hands or legs? They´re will discuss this topic for quite some time, until Drayton would yell at them to shut up, because he can´t stand their stupid conversation any longer. The whole hat thing is already unrealistic enough, like anything else in this movie, there´s no need to make it even more unrealistic by talking about such things. Also, I think it´s important to mention that right now, Drayton is in a bad mood anyways, because we haven´t seen Aunt Petunia on screen for a while and he already misses her.💔 In his opinion her and Uncle Vernon should play a much bigger part in the movie, (in that case it could actually be a good movie) but no, instead we have to watch this little boy going to a school full of unrealistic things like ghosts and speaking hats. Yes, Drayton already dislikes the movie a lot, but during this scene, he really starts to hate it:

What these kids are doing??? That´s no way to treat a broom!!! And this teacher is even encouraging them to do such a horrible thing. This school actually teach the students to mistreat brooms. That´s just.... Drayton won´t even find the words to describe how shocked he is about this so called flying lesson. And he thought the worst thing people would do to their brooms is to sweep the floor with them, but oh how wrong he was! This is much worse! Forcing these poor pieces of wood to carry you around....😰 Seriously, what kind of person does such a thing?

Needless to say that during the Quidditch scene:

Drayton would be even more shocked. So now broom mistreatment is actually a sport? That´s disgusting! Oh, how he wish he could show these people what a broom really is for! At this point he feels an almost desperate urge to give all these characters - the students and the teachers - a good beating, so they´re would never dare to mistreat a broom again.🧹😠

While Drayton is fantasizing about his revenge on the quidditch players, the rest of us would really enjoy the movie, even though Nubbins would complain about the missing of death scenes a few times. During the quidditch match, he was hoping that one of the players would fall off their broom and break their neck😲 and when Harry, Ron and Hermione found the three headed dog named Fluffy,

he of course hoped that they´re would get eaten by it. It would have been such a great scene. Just think about it: The dog got three heads and there are three kids, so one for every head. This way, Fluffy could have killed them all at the exactly same time and damn, how funny would that have been? 

But of course, it didn´t happened, so my dear husband is of course a little bit unhappy.😞 

And it only get worse when the troll shows up:

During this scene, it actually looked like the children are going to die, especially Harry, so of course, Nubbins got really excited while watching it, but then the scene was over and everyone made it out alive, which was a big disappointment for him. 

Meanwhile Bubba was very relieved, because unlike Nubbins, he don´t want to see someone die (especially not Harry or his two friends), so during the troll scene, he actually covered his eyes a few times, cause the whole situation really scared him. Chop on the other hand didn´t cared if the kids would die or survive, he was too amazed by seeing the troll to even think about it. In his opinion the movie is great because of all the magic creatures in it.🐲👻🦄 Seriously, the only thing that would make it even better for him, would be if there were some aliens.👽🛸🙄

During this scene:

Nubbins would most likely ask us something like: “Wha - what do you think uni - unicorn blood tastes like?”😮 And that would be only the beginning of a very long and very disgusting speech, which would also include the question if you could make headcheese out of unicorn meat.🤢 And of course, he wouldn´t stop to talk about it, until I would kiss him to shut him up,💏💕 which will lead to Drayton yell at us and threat us with the broom, because he don´t want to watch us making out (mostly because it makes him think of Petunia again).  

So after this short interruption, Nubbins will simply going on with his speech and he will only stop when Ron got knocked out on the giantic chessboard.

Of course, my darling hopes that the boy is not going to survive🙄 and he´s also very excited to see Harry die.

But of course, it´s not happening. So when the movie ends and all three of the children are still alive

he´s not very happy about it. But at least Professor Quirrell died, so he isn´t completely disappointed. Also, there were many things in the movie that he really liked, so he´s able to see past the fact that there weren´t enough death scenes. 

Meanwhile Chop simply loved the movie. He will actually say that it´s one of his fave´s now.😀 Bubba also enjoyed it very much, while grandpa don´t even know that we watched a movie.😞 Drayton would act like he didn´t liked it (which is also true for the most part). He would complain about how unrealistic it was, also he´s still mad about the great amount of broom mistreatment in this movie.

But later that night, when everyone is asleep, he will sneaking downstairs, just to rewatch all the scenes with Aunt Petunia in it, dreaming about how his life would be if she were his wife.💑💕 

💗 It´s official: Drayton Sawyer is now a selfshipper.💗

[albino-whumpee]

A little talk

Let´s get right to the spicy things.

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread​ @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70​ @twistedcaretaker

CW// Pet whump, dehumanization, implied torture and dubcon, noncon touch, creepy whumper, creepy caretaker, touch starved whumpee, mind games, conditioning and manipulation. 

A few weeks passed quicker than Albus had imagined. He quickly understood his Mistress had a quick paced life hard to keep up with. 

She was someone that was hard to read. 

One morning she could be the tough, unforgiving business woman that would scold him for every misstep and another she would cook him her favorite breakfast “just to know if you would like it”, she had said. 

His heart had warmed up at her words and had taken a mouthful of the dripping-with-spicy-salsa eggs that set his mouth fully on fire. 

“Delicious, th-thank you so much, ma´am.” he said sniffing away the burn on his tongue as his eyes turned glassy “Thank you for cooking for me, ma´am” he had said before Zarai rushed to stop him and then flew to get him milk. He had profusely apologized for not being able to handle spice, as it was something his owner had treated him to.

The boy had felt something fuzzy settle on his chest when Zarai told him he was allowed to refuse to eat something if he didn´t want to. And when he did left food, he had surprised himself to find it on the fridge for him to take when he wanted. 

It didn´t take him long to understand food wasn´t given as a reward, nor was earned, but it did take time to not check on the fridge every few minutes to reassure himself he wasn´t dreaming.

From then on, Zarai kept in mind Albus diet shouldn´t include anything too spicy. He would plummet down on his bed at night remembering in the middle of night that he had to change. 

However, there were also be times when he would stay up all night with a dictionary and practice books laid all over his desk, every night more cluttered than the one before. During those silent moments, he would twist the collar between his fingers and slide his eyes to the sketchbook. Allowing himself to wonder what would Sann be doing. If he was fast asleep, safe and calm or awake on Robert´s arms wearing that fake smile or trying to hold a scream.

He shook the thoughts away and tried focusing on work. 

There was no point in worrying, he told himself over and over. If anything, he could only hope that if their owners allowed it, they would meet again. Mysteriously, that thought alone pulled him to try to play the role of “Albus Serra, Zarai´s assistant” better. 

He thought he was doing a good job at it. Eating lunch with Tony and Sasha, slowly relaxing more around them, enough to hear Tony confess he had bet he would be fired on the first day and along the rest of the department, had to pay to one lucky winner a second salary. 

When Albus received his paycheck, he thought the correct thing to do was to give it to his owner. What use would a pet have for it? 

However, when he extended the envelope to her, she simply pushed it to his chest. The boy had blinked at her in shock.

“It´s yours. What do you wanna use it on?” she had asked him in the sweetest tone he had ever heard her talk in.

He clenched his fingers around the paper. “I-It´s really…mine?” 

“You earned it” She had told him.

He remembered feeling an itch on his legs. As if in preparation to break into a sprint towards the first bus station he saw. But handler Harry´s snapping his baton on his leather gloves cracked through his memories, making a shiver ran up his spine. 

He decided spending it on the pencil for his tablet and saving up the rest was the smartest move to deal with suddenly having so much liberty. 

Albus was unusually cheerful, already getting used to the throbbing behind his eyes at the constant exposure to reading. He had a smile on his face as he walked back to the office to finish the task Zarai had entrusted him with, but his mood took a dramatic turn when he recognized the person inside the lift.

Every veteran in the office stared at the man making his way through the maze of desks with a surprised, confused smile. The shabby looking man stepped into the office with outmost elegance, despite the smell of weed permeating his clothes.

“Is that Robert Glass?” a woman whispered to the man on the other cubicle.

“Yep. He hasn´t put a foot here in years” Albus learnt through Sasha that after an incident, he had somewhat vanished. 

All eyes were in the man halting to a stop in front of the increasingly growing stiff albino.

“Mister Robert” Albus said. Feet glued on the entrance of Zarai´s office.

“Hey! It´s been a while, Albus” The boy simply stared at him. Nobody watching could know if it was fear or hate what made him curl his fingers into a fist. “Is Zarai there? I have to talk with her”

“No, sir. She is on a meeting. Ma´am will be back in an hour” The boy responded with palpable hostility despite his poker face. The man seemed unbothered by it.

“It´s alright, then I will wait inside” he said already walking into the office. Albus chest puffed up a bit, before staring down and then walking inside. Closing the door behind him, made the rustle of murmuring dance in the air.

--

Robert paced around Zarai’s office. Touching every surface with slim fingers. Knowing fairly well red eyes followed his every move.

“Don’t worry, I won’t steal anything” Robert grabbed a book from the shelf glancing for a second at the albino, before putting it back “I’m just here to have a little chat” he made a twist and sat on her desk. Facing the boy “You know, talk with you a bit”

“With me, sir?”

“Yes” he drummed on the wooden desk “Do you like games, Albus?” He asked the suddenly mute boy. “Do you remember if you liked them before becoming a box boy?” He pulled an eyebrow up.

Albus blinked rapidly. Trying to keep away the headache starting to form behind his eyes “I don’t… I don’t remember, sir”

“That’s very sad. Don’t you even remember your own name?” The man asked with fake concern. Albus shook his head.

“No, sir” Albus eyes dropped for a second before lifting up again “Box boys don’t have names”

The man couldn´t hold a smile before turning it into a dramatic sad face.

“Pity” he said before lifting himself up and walking to Albus “You know? I came to check on Zarai’s assistant because as you may know, she’s isn’t very attached to them and loves to see them get fired” he patted his head, the boy didn´t express discomfort. Completely pokerfaced as the man lowered his hand “Well done. Good to see the handlers at the company made a good job with you”

Albus swallowed, as images of men with the collar’s remote on their hand and a cane on the other appeared on his head. Yelling at him with the cane held above their heads in anticipation for not doing a good job on the extra conditioning.

 Memories flooded his senses. The white uniform and the uncomfortable chains around his feet. The needle of the tattoo gun piercing his skin and the haziness of hunger made him dizzy.

“Thank you sir” he managed to say, keeping himself from swaying, putting effort into not showing vulnerability. If something had stuck from the facility that wasn´t protocols, was to not show you were weak. They loved weak, and he wouldn´t give them it. “I´ll keep working hard”

The man stared at him for a second. “That´s the spirit” he went “Now listen well, Albus” he pointed his index up “I want you to be the very best assistant she has ever had. So let me give you some tips, alright?”

Albus´ eyes snapped open in shock. 

“The first thing you got to know is read everything you get handed. Don’t even dare skip a word” he continued with an inquisitive tone that made him nod immediately “You don’t wanna sign something that would put Zarai in a bad situation would you?” Albus actually began to pay attention as the man talked. Cautiously keeping him at an arm length.

Albus frowned, studying the man´s face carefully “Why are you helping me, sir?”

The man stayed quiet for a moment, before a grin appeared on his face.

“Is that what you say to someone lending you a hand, boy?”

Noticing his slip up, the boy rushed to say the words. “Thank you, sir”

“What a good boy” the man ruffled his hair and delighted himself in how slightly he leaned into it “If you work hard, I´ll make sure to reward you” 

Albus couldn´t know what he meant before he continued reciting his tips and advice. By the time Zarai came, Albus had a full list of new business words to search on the dictionary.

She was certainly confused and irritated to see him, but kept her composure as she sat at her desk someone knocked on her door and Albus was quick to get it as Robert settled on a chair.

“What are you doing here?” She asked not looking up from her computer.

“Oh, you know, just checking up on the fresh meat and giving him some advice” he pointed at Albus reading something on his hands. Squinting at the words and blinking them into focus.

The boy gave back a paper to the person and shook his head until the other went away with a slow impressed nod.

“What did he want?” Zarai asked.

“It was a budget, ma´am” the woman tilted her head.

“And why did I not see it?” She asked with a suddenly pissed tone that peaked Albus nerves for a second.

“It didn’t have coherence with the data I sent yesterday and didn’t follow the calendar of activities for Dune’s project, ma´am” she lifted an eyebrow up “he’ll bring it with corrections in an hour” she stared at him and then at Robert before going back to her computer.

“Alright, well done” she said before he could breathe finally. He made sure she didn´t notice though.

Robert lifted himself up and patted the boy’s shoulder before looking at her.

“He’s not so bad huh?” She shot him a glare before he giggled and went away “Goodbye Albus. Ah I was forgetting it. Zarai” his expression suddenly softened as he kept the door half open “I’ll go next weekend, with Claude. It’s been a while since we paid a visit. All three…Will you come?” His voice was oddly respectful. Albus sneaked a glance at the woman. She looked grim.

“It’s already that time of the year?” She said with a hush. She stayed silent for a moment before typing again. “Yeah, only us though” she warned.

Robert’s eyes sparked for a second. A spark Albus recognized from his handlers. The ones that liked to play games with the trainees and promised no good.

“You won’t have a problem if Albus keeps Sann some company for the weekend?” He asked her. Albus made a conscious effort to breathe normally through the churn of his stomach.

“We will talk it out later” she said after squinting her eyes slightly.

“I wouldn’t trust anybody else” he said giving the boy a smile before waving goodbye.

Robert walked out of the office with a gentle smile that got ruined when the elevator´s doors closed. He started humming to himself. Pleased. He loved games that took time. One that needed meticulous strategies that involved messing with the fragile psychology of broken people. Juggling around box boy´s minds was his new hobby and Albus was looking like quite a fun toy.

Zarai knew better than to believe the man´s act and promptly ordered Albus to sit in front of her desk as the door closed. The boy did as he was told and waited for instructions.

“I don´t know what he wants, but try to keep a safe distance from Sann, ok?” Albus shot his eyes open, before knitting his eyebrows together “I have a bad feeling about this sudden…invitation. You heard?”  Albus opened his mouth, closing it in resignation.

“Yes, ma´am”

“I feel sorry about him too, but we can´t do much about it” she said going back to her laptop. Ignoring the boy´s fingers rounding his thumbs in a nervous gesture.

“T-That means I can´t see him ma´am?” he asked trying to not sound as terrified of speaking out of turn. She lifted her eyes and stared at the albino that went completely stiff waiting for her answer.

She went back to work “That´s why I said safe distance. Just don´t fall for him”

Too late.

“Yes, ma´am” he said instead, in an act of defiance he made himself swear would keep hidden from her.

[justonecitizenoftheearth]

The Saga of Rögnvald réttilbeini

Notes: This is a fanfiction about an old norse text! My friend proofread my final thesis about men who used a certain kind of magic in ancient northern Europe. This kind of magic is very strongly connected to women, so men using it were seen as unmanly, or ergi in old norse, which is also a term used for gay men. There is one story in the Heimskringla, a text about the first kings of Norway, about 80 wizards who practice this magic called seiðr living together. My friend liked the gay wizard commune very much, was very disappointed by their gruesome end, and asked for a fix-it. So here it is: The Saga of Rögnvald réttilbeini! 

I feel a bit blasphemous writing fanfiction about a 13th century text, but I think it turned out fine. Also, I know now a thing or two about norse magic now, but I took some creative liberties, this is fiction after all. ENJOY!!

@disorganisedautodidact

@fiifuchs

Rating: T

Content warning: Era-typical homophobia, era-typical gender roles, violence (not very graphic though)

Read it on AO3!

The Saga of Rögnvald réttilbeini

There was a man called Rögnvald. He was the son of the famous Harald hárfagra, the mighty king of Norway. But he wasn´t like Haralds other children. His fate led him to a different path.

The first time Rögnvald thought that there was something wrong with him, was the day he lost a swordfight and won a bet. He was nine years old and tried to be a good warrior,  a good fighter,  a good viking, so he could follow in his father´s footsteps. His father, who cast such a long shadow over the land and over the lives of his sons and daughters that Rögnvald wasn´t sure what the sun even looked like. But the axe and sword lay heavy in his hands and the anger and violence of his opponent hit him way before the wood did, let him stumble in fear and confusion. He wasn´t a good fighter. He was scared of his first raid. Of the pain and suffering he would have to endure. Of the pain and suffering he would cause. So he lost the swordfight against his older brother Eirik, who looked at his tears with a mix of pity and disgust. Men didn´t cry. Men didn´t lose. Men didn´t run into the woods afterwards, hands clutching the bruises on his arms and waist.

The woods were Rögnvalds friends. They held their own dangers, big animals, bad weather, you could trip and nobody would find you for days. But sometimes, when he allowed himself to dream, it seemed as if the vines opened a path for him, as if the birds sang louder when he came along, as if the rain fell warmer on his skin, as if the branches of the trees bowed down to him. Rögnvald had seen a bear or two, and there was a pack of wolves living nearby. He didn´t look for them in the vast forests, but he had seen their gray fur in the underbrush. But he never felt the same anger and violence in them that he did in his own brother, and Eirik had yet to kill him, so he decided to let them be as they let him be. Yes, the woods held dangers. But nowhere else seemed his father´s shadow so weak, nowhere else could Rögnvald breathe so deeply. His favorite place was on a cliff, looking over the fjord and away from the town. The sea breeze carried the smell of water, salt, and algae up to him and the trees sang their whispering songs in his back. It was his other brother who found him, Håkon, who sat down beside him and began throwing stones down into the grey-green waters below. It annoyed Rögnvald, but what was he supposed to do? So he looked away and up into the clouds.

“I think it´s going to start raining soon.”

Håkon looked up and frowned. “No, I think we have time before the rain starts. At least until we get back if we get going now, I bet.”

Rögnvald closed his eyes. The trees whispered. The wind sang. And up, way up in the clouds, he swore he could hear the soft tinkle of raindrops. He concentrated. He counted aloud. “One. Two. Three. Four.” The wind fell silent. “Five. Six. Seven.” The tinkle filled his senses. He sat up straight. “Eight. Nine. Ten.” He opened his eyes. The first raindrop hit his nose. He looked at his brother with wide eyes, who stared back through the downpour with disbelief and something between awe and mistrust in his eyes. Rögnvald didn´t know yet that he would get to know that look very well.

Rögnvalds grandmother Solveig was a Völva, a seer. She lived on her own and people came to her for advice or healing. They came with wounds and insecurities, with hurt in their hearts and sickness in their stomach. She had wise words and herbs for them. She could see what plagued them in their eyes and their future in clouds and the ashes of the hearth. Harald didn´t like her very much, he never came to her cottage, which was one more reason for Rögnvald to go there as often as possible. He sat at the fire in silence, watched her cut and dry herbs and listened to the sagas she told time and time again. He hid in her sleeping chambers when visitors came, listened to their stories of battle and love, of heartbreak and marriage, fishing and farming, the hardships and wonders of raising children and the weight of keeping secrets. Solveig didn´t judge. She listened patiently, gave advice when needed, warm tea for cold hands and hearts and an open ear for words that had to be said. It was in the darkness of her chambers in his eleventh summer that Rögnvald first heard of a man loving another.

The boy fled into the sleeping chambers of his grandmother as soon as he heard footsteps at her door. He sat down leaning against the wooden wall, and listened to the heavy steps of a man entering the house, bent down by grief. The voice of the man was surprisingly soft as he spoke, although Rögnvald had heard the heavy thud of an axe being set to the ground next to him. His name was Þorsteinn, and he had just come back from a raid to the Eastern coast. The raid had been a success, but not for him. His voice broke when he told Solveig about his friend Halvdan. How his eyes had gleamed under the moonlight when they got there. How his face had lit up by the fires of the first building burning. How ragged his breath sounded when he fell to the ground with an arrow in his chest. How cold his skin became when he died in his arms. Rögnvald cried Þorsteinns tears when the whole story broke free. After that, there was just the sound of grief for a long time. When he regained a little bit of his composure, Þorsteinn started to tell their story with faltering words. He told about a life-long friendship. About strange and secret feelings blooming. About the sweetness and terror of a first kiss. About two hands reaching for each other when everything they had been taught tried to pry them apart. About the thrill of fighting together and loving each other. About the hole left in his soul that he wasn´t allowed to show anywhere else. About the suspicion. About unmanliness, ergi, that they had been accused of, and the painful weeks apart to convince their families that nothing had happened that shouldn´t have. Solveig didn´t say anything. She brought tea and herbs for easier sleep. When Þorsteinns cries turned muffled, Rögnvald suspected that she held him while he fell apart. But he couldn´t move, couldn´t even wipe his face, was frozen in terror and excitement. It was forbidden. It was shameful. But he couldn´t help but wonder what it felt like to love another man so much. To touch his skin and know his soul, and his heart pounded, overwhelmed by the feeling of coming alive.

When Þorsteinn left, his steps were lighter, as was his heart, he had said that much. It took some more time until Rögnvald could make himself move. Solveig didn´t come to check on him, she let him be, let him take his time. It was one of the reasons he loved being with her so much. When he came back to the room, he just stared at her with wide, wet eyes. She looked back for a long moment, listening to the words unspoken. Then she kneeled down and held him, soothing his shivering, and humming a soft tone. When she got up again, she caressed his hair and lifted his chin. The light of the fire danced in her eyes.

“Fate is not always merciful, but it is never wrong.”

 The problems of his childhood grew heavier with every year of age that Rögnvald lived among his family. He had to learn how to fight eventually, it was the only way. He also learned to dread his growing feelings when fighting other boys hand to hand, his heart pounding with more than fear, his skin prickling with more than pain, pleasure and torment taking his breath away. There were, however, things he enjoyed, like hunting and learning how to provide for himself in the wilderness. Solveig taught him about herbs and plants, about the weather and the wind, the waves and the frost and every growing thing. But he had to come more secretly with every year, the disapproval of his father and his brothers weighed heavier with every spring. He didn´t understand it, until a skald came to Harald in his 14th summer, and was allowed to sing at the feast. He sang about Haralds deeds as the king of Norway, about the gods and the nine worlds. But then came another song, one that took Rögnvald back to ancient times. The woods were even wilder then, the cold harsher, the people more violent. But there was one more danger out in the wild. A man, half human, half beast. A man who could control the wind and the wild creatures of the woods. A man who sang forbidden songs to the sea and the rain, soothing or enraging. A man who was hunted. A man who killed his brothers like prey. A man who wasn´t a man but a monster. And Rögnvald thought of the woods and the wind and the rain that felt more like his family sometimes than his older brothers. He didn´t know when or how he left the hall. He came to himself when his own voice interrupted his ragged breathing and he whispered into the bark of the tree he was clinging to: “I am a monster.”

 Rögnvald kept away from his grandmother for some time. He fought hard to be what he was supposed to be, and kept himself away from the woods. His brothers approved, even his father seemed reluctantly pleased, but he failed to be happy about it. The woods called to him at night, his dreams haunted by visions. He saw a storm roll over the town, ripping down the mast of a ships and killing a man. He woke up in a cold sweat, dread heavy on his chest. Three days later he stood at the grave of the man killed by a falling mast in an autumn storm, and he thought he couldn´t breathe, he told himself that it was a coincidence and went hunting. Two days in the woods calmed his spirit, but he never forgot. The dreams became more frequent, his predictions more precise and he refused to sleep. He kept himself up and useful, stood guard in the dead of night and in the coldest days of the winter. Rögnvald shivered his way through the darkness and went to sleep in the morning. He dreamt of fire and rage, his skin turning black under the relentless flames, and when he woke up, the fire refused to leave his mind and veins. Rögnvald burned.

The fever ravaged his body for two weeks. Rögnvald barely ate, bare drank, wasn´t conscious for most of it. He screamed at the gods and begged them to take the foresight away from him. He swore to never touch a man, to never look at one, to never listen to the wind and the water again. He thrashed on his bed until he had to be bound to it and then he chaffed his skin raw on the ropes.

In the middle of his delirium, he had a moment of clarity. His grandmother sat at his bedside, bent over with worry, and she took his hand.

“The gods don´t make mistakes. You are what you are. Stop fighting it. If you are a seiðmaðr, you are supposed to be one. It´s alright, my dear Rögnvald. Your gift is not a curse.”

“It is alright?”

“It is alright.”

Rögnvald slept for four days. When  he woke up, weak and nauseous and thin as a bear in spring, his mind was clear for the first time in months. He smiled at his grandmother and stayed in her house during his recovery. He learned everything he could from her, every herb, every spell, every secret. He learned to understand the voices of the forest, he learned how to bribe the wind to do his bidding, and how to coax the fish to the surface of the ocean. She told him about Freyr and Freyja and the Vanir. About growth and death and the afterlife. He spent his days in the forest and avoided his brothers and parents. The people of his town started to turn their heads when he passed by, whispering filthy words, and uttering unfriendly suspicions. But he kept his head high, his sight clear and his mind calm.

When Rögnvald turned 17, his grandmother passed away. It didn´t come as a surprise. She had grown weak and slow over the past months. He had been the one to look for herbs in the fields and forests, he had talked to everyone who was willing to confide in him. Rögnvald had been sitting at her bedside and had carried her out to the cliff. They had watched as the sun climbed down towards the gray-green waves, tinted the mountains red and the sky golden. The sun took Solveig with her to the lands of the dead. Rögnvald buried her on a hill close to the water, where she could look over the sea and far into the forest covered mountains. Then he announced that he would leave his family and travel to find adventure. Nobody stopped him. Nobody thought he would return. Rögnvald knew he wouldn´t.

 The mountains were harsh in their beauty. Survival was hard, but Rögnvald learned to become a part of the land. He listened to the sky for rain and to the ground for shelter and prey. He read his fortune in the flight of the birds and the turn of the seasons in the clouds. His first winter was spent in a cave that he made into a home. But the cold wind found a way into his shelter, and the loneliness into his heart. When spring came, he swore he wouldn´t spend another winter like that.

Rögnvald had crossed Vestfold and came to Gulbrandsdalen. It was a lovely place, but the people were not fond of the name Harald hárfager, so he turned west into the mountains and towards the Hardanger fjord. Autumn sent it´s first cold breath over the lands when he crossed a meadow, the mountains in his back and the sea ahead. Sheep grazed peacefully and he stayed for a moment to admire the view. The rustling sound of steps behind him made him turn around. A man smiled at him; his face alit by the soft glow of the sunset. Rögnvald noticed long blond hair, shining green eyes and a firm grip as they greeted each other. The strangers´ voice was deep and rich as he announced his name:

“Frodi”

“Rögnvald”

They smiled at each other and Rögnvald followed back to Frodis hut. He stayed for the night and they talked much about Rögnvalds travels and Frodis sheep. About the summer passed and the winter ahead. Rögnvald helped Frodi with the harvest and the sheep. He hunted and fished for them both. When he called the fish to the surface of the pool out of habit, he turned in terror, expecting to see the same awe and suspicion as in his brother´s eyes, but Frodi met his gaze unafraid and full of warmth. Rögnvald couldn´t look away. The fishing net glided from his fingers. He took a step forward, heart in his throat, but he didn´t dare to go further. Instead, he turned, took up the net and caught the fish he had called. Frodi helped him to pull out the catch, fingers brushing and cheeks burning.

Rögnvald stayed another day. And another. They saw the first snow together. Every night came earlier and left more reluctantly. Every night found them laying down closer to each other. When Frodi took Rögnvalds hand and asked him to stay the winter, it didn´t come as a surprise, but that didn´t damp the happiness Rögnvald felt. His heart pounded in his chest and for the first time in his life, he felt as if he could stay.

Only the fire and the howling wind outside their hut witnessed them as they sat by the hearth one evening, shifting closer and closer together, fingers and hearts shaking as their hands found each other. For one eternal moment they looked into each other’s eyes, question and answer in one. The first brush of lips was sweet as the first touch of spring and as overwhelming as the first winter storm. Rögnvald wrapped his arms around Frodi when it ended, and held on as if his life depended on it, and maybe it did.

Winter went by slowly, in darkness and bitter cold, but Rögnvald barely noticed. He spent his days under warm furs, wrapped around an even warmer body. He learned what it meant to feel another mans skin on his own, how lips could burn and what pleasures another one’s company held. They talked a lot and by the end of winter, they knew each other so well that words were mostly unnecessary. Touches and looks were enough. Rögnvald learned what it was to love and to be loved in return, and a part of him lived in this time until the end of his life.

 Spring came, and they saw the rise of the sun with soaring hearts. They sat in front of their hut, holding hands, and looking over the endless ocean, sure about their place in the world. Summer came and they rolled around in the soft grass, the sun witnessing their joy and pleasure. Autumn came and they brought in the harvest together and reveled in the riches that nature gave them. Winter came and Rögnvald told Frodi everything he had learned from his grandmother. They talked about the power of nature, about the prejudice of humans, what it meant to be a man and what it meant to be a seiðmaðr. They dreamed about finding others of their kind. About finding and shaping a place that would allow them to be who they were. When spring came, they were ready. As the snow climbed up the mountains, they did too, hope and sorrow both heavy in their hearts as they left their sanctuary. They turned southeast, towards lands where they would be able to grow the plants they needed to feed their people, and towards the border of king Haralds influence. In the middle of summer, they found a remote valley in Haðaland, green and lush, secluded, and safe. They built a home for themselves and their sheep, and prepared for the winter. A wandering skald came through. They saw a longing in his heart they recognized. His name was Kjell. He stayed for one day that turned into ten and then into all winter. They shared with him what they had, their food, their shelter, their bed, and their hearts. Food became scarce, but house and hearth stayed warm, and they made it to the next spring. But Kjell wasn´t one to stay in one place for a long time. He longed to roam the land, but promised to spread the word among others like them, and to return for the winter. Their farewell was heartfelt and warm.

Rögnvald and Frodi began to prepare the land for their reign. They cut down some trees, but they didn´t clear the land as their people had done. They planted what they needed in the half shade of the birch forest. They dreamt of others coming to join them, and prepared shelters in time for their arrival. Three other men arrived, Erik, Þorgrim and Ragnar, they had met Kjell and were in awe about the bravery of the two seiðmenn. Two others came, Þorleik and Reik, led to them by their dreams. Two were led there by fate, Halvdan and Leif. Rögnvald and Frodi listened to their stories of violence and abuse, broken families and broken trust. They dried the tears of their new friends as well as they could and gave them something to believe in. Together, they built more houses between the trees. The men had brought goats with them that mingled with Frodis sheep. Summer was as warm and rich as the season could be, and their gardens and fields flourished. They bathed in the river nearby and watched the birds fly by overhead. Rögnvald and Frodi stayed close together, in awe of how their lands and lives bloomed. Autumn brought rich harvest and good hunt. Halvdan and Reik, who had found shelter in each other´s arms, went down to the fjord, with furs and art to trade for salt. Rögnvald, Erik and Þorgrim went hunting and came back in time to pickle the meat. Kjell returned with the first snow and Rögnvald and Frodi welcomed him back into their lives and bed with open arms.

 Years went by. More men came. Bonds were made. They spread their houses far and wide over the valley. Some of them preferred more secluded, remote places where they lived in harmony with nature. Some were happy to have found company that didn´t judge them for who they were. However, they were human, naturally there were some fights, jealousy over lands and hearts, or power. But those fights could be solved quickly, and most were aware that there was no better place to be for people like them. Women joined them, too. Mostly those unhappy with the role that they had been assigned for by their communities. They were women who loved another, who had no interest in settling down with a man, or to bear children. Many of them had learned the things that Rögnvald had learned from Solveig from their own mothers and grandmothers and didn´t want to hide who they were.

Of course, there were hardships, too. Being able to influence the weather didn´t mean that they could change the climate. Sometimes all attempts to call for rain were in vain. Sometimes even the nightly fires couldn´t keep the apple blossoms from freezing in the early spring. Mud and cold weather were as uncomfortable as ever, and sometimes the healers tried in vain to chase the sickness from a friend. But they helped each other out through all grievances and held each other up and laughter was heard more often than weeping.

Life flourished, and after ten years, about 80 people lived in the valley in Haðaland, some all year, some all summer, some came back for winter like Kjell. Music and dance were omnipresent, and they dressed as they wished to. Frodi had taken a liking to dresses while some of the women, like Þora and Ragnhild, who had fled their husbands together with their children, preferred breeches. Rögnvald and Frodi loved to take care of the children while their mothers were out and hunting, or fishing, or taking some time for themselves under the warm glow of the summer sun. The longing for Kjell was a permanent ache in their hearts, but one they shared.

Summer and winter solstices were celebrated with great fires, with drums and song, and many ate mushrooms or inhaled the smoke of burning herbs to widen their minds and leave the confines of their bodies to look for truth and vision in the depth of the space between the worlds. Rögnvald led those dances, and it was Frodi who brought him back from the vast emptiness of a space beyond sense and reason with gentle kisses and touches. Frodi, who brought him tea for his aching head and held him close and safe as he sank into an exhausted sleep. As they enjoyed the company of Kjell during the winters, there were many who didn´t exclude others from their pleasures, as well as those who preferred to stay by themselves. Live in Haðaland was free, and easy, and in harmony with nature and each other. But darkness tends to be drawn to places of light, and Rögnvald and his 80 seiðmenn and völvas were no exception. Dark dreams came as a messenger of hardship to come, and while they lived in peace and prosperity, the dread sank in like ink seeping through a piece of parchment.

 It was Kjell who brought the news. He had been at the court of Harald hárfager and he had ridden his horse half to death to get to them in time. He jumped from his exhausted steed, far too early for his return, in the beginning of autumn. With wide strides, he crossed the village to get to Frodi, who was pulling up weeds. His green eyes gleamed when he saw his beloved return, but his gaze quickly darkened when he noticed the pain and regret in Kjell´s face.

“Call everyone together! I will look for Rögnvald! Quickly, we don´t have time!”

Frodi nodded, but pulled Kjell in for a desperate kiss. “I will. Rögnvald is in the woods. Listen to the birds, they will lead you. Everything will be alright!”

Kjell nodded and ran into the forest, leaving Frodi with dread and fear in his heart.

 Harald was coming. Harald hárfager, who hated seiðr-magic, had sent Rögnvalds brother Eirik to them, to come and clear his father´s name of the shame that was a seiðmaðr as a son.

“I´m sorry. It is my fault. I told the seer Vitgeir about you, about us. I thought he would join us, but he revealed your gifts to your father. It is no secret where you dwell, but the nature of our community was, and is no longer, because of me. Please, forgive me, my love.”

Rögnvald stood and pulled Kjell up into his arms.

“There is nothing to forgive, beloved one. There was no reason to distrust one of our own. What has been done has been done. But the wheel of fortune spins quickly.”

He turned towards his people. He saw their frightened eyes and the hope shattered in their hearts and a fire roared in his ears unlike any he had ever felt before. These people were his family, his kin. He would rather burn than let anything happen to them by his brother’s hand. He´d rather turn the land itself against the men coming for them. He´d rather perish with them then let them touch what was his to protect. He spoke:

“Pack what you can. Hide in the mountains. Let Eirik come, he will find no living soul on this ground.”

Frodi took his hand, worry clearly visible in his frown.

“They will know we have left. They will hunt us like deer.”

Rögnvalds gaze turned to steel. “No, they won´t.”

Nightfall saw the village empty. Everything that could be carried had been packed. The animals had been led far into the forest. The children had been silent and scared. Rögnvald saw the last of his people disappear into the dark of the forest at night. Frodi pulled at his hand as Kjell watched the horizon with growing dread.

“We have to go.”

“No.”

Rögnvald saw the pain and fear in both his lover´s faces. He pulled them close.

“I will not let them get those I love. They will leave here believing that we have all perished. Then we will go and find another place to live.”

“How?”

“You will see.”

Rögnvald felt the faint vibrations of many feet approaching the village.

“Go, go now! Return with the sun!”

Kjell hesitated. Then he spoke:

“I have travelled many dangerous roads, and you always trusted me to come back. I trust you now.”

Then he pulled Frodi up and muffled his cries with his hand as he dragged him into the safety of the forest. Rögnvald stayed behind and sank to the ground. He beckoned the wind to do his bidding. He asked the clouds to cover the moon. He asked the animals around him to flee to safety. He waited and felt his fate approach. When the darkness was deepest, they came. And he was ready.

Rögnvald asked the wind to lift the dust up to form running humans, darting across the village. He asked it to cry with children´s voices. He let it carry his voice down to his brother, to beg him to turn back. He didn´t. Rögnvald wasn´t surprised, but he felt fire and rage burning in his veins like never before. For a moment he realized that he understood his brother now more than ever. Here, at the crossroads, before they would part ways forever, they were closest to each other. Then the thought vanished, drowned out by fire and fury.

Rögnvald let the doors of the great hall in the middle of his village fly open and let the wind carry the dust inside. He rattled with the swords and axes left behind as a cover. He clouded the minds of these people he had once called his own, as he had clouded the sky. And when they threw the first torch into the house that had once been his home, he let his rage fuel the flames, let the fire scream with the voices of his family, let the light lead them to all their houses. He let the wind carry embers into their faces and away from the trees. He raged with the roaring inferno as it devoured everything they had built up with their bare hands. Rögnvald bowed down and begged the bones of the land to imitate the bones of the people closest to him as the rain poured down and tamed the raging flames. His words died down with the flickering fires and the silence of death sank heavily onto the land. He sank down with the ashes, too drained to move, and watched as they looked through the buildings, taking everything that hadn´t been burned to a crisp, too tired to listen to their laughter and delight. He watched as they pissed on what they thought were his bones. He watched as the last one disappeared with the first light of morning. The black, scorched earth came closer, blocked out the light of the sun and pulled him down into the cold and dark, and then there was nothing.

 The first thing Rögnvald felt was water dripping onto his face. It was salty. The ground seemed to sway underneath him. He opened his eyes and saw the faces of his lovers, distorted by desperation, their tears falling onto his lips and cheeks. He wanted to reassure them, but the black earth called him back.

 The second thing Rögnvald felt was water dripping onto his face. It was sweet. His body swayed as if carried. He opened his eyes to a cloudy sky. Rain fell into his eyes as he was carried to a wagon and laid down carefully by Kjell. He wanted to ask something, but the darkness called him back before he could find his tongue.

 The third thing Rögnvald felt was water dripping onto his face. It was salty. His body swayed and as he opened his eyes, he found himself on a ship. His head rested in Frodis lap and as he slowly sat up, he saw the coast of Norway disappear in the distance. His hands were cradled in those of his lovers and together, they turned their backs on the land and people who had never wanted them in the first place.

  They sailed west until they came to the coast of a green land. Mountains rose into a clear blue sky. They didn´t want to go to Iceland, which was too far away to settle down before winter. They didn´t want to go to the Orkney islands, which Harald had shown interest in even before Rögnvald left. They sailed around the land called Alba, and were welcomed with open arms. The people helped them over the winter. They shared stories of a god with antlers, and an island covered in mist. They tended their wounds and shared what they had and stayed their friends over many winters to come.

In the spring, Rögnvald and his family sailed over to an island barely visible from the mainland. It was partly covered in forests, with a steep northern coast and soft slopes leading down to the waters in the south. It wasn´t as lush as their old home, but it was more than enough.

They sowed the seeds of their old home and watched them grow over the springs to come. Getting enough wood to build all the houses was difficult, so they started building with clay and earth, let grass cover their roofs and protect them from unwanted eyes. Some of the people from the mainland joined them and some of their own decided to live there. Kjell started to roam the lands again during summer, after being afraid to leave for some years. The island stopped being their exile and started feeling like home.

They took the legends of the land they had settled in to heart, and whenever foreign ships approached, they surrounded their island with mist, impenetrable for the eye and frightening to the heart. Only those who had been led there once were allowed to set foot on the land. Rögnvald and the others built a seat on the steep northern cliff, and there was a guard watching over the island at all times, who called the mist in and warned his friends when strangers approached. The land beneath their feet started to recognize their footsteps, just as they learned to hear the song in the old bones of the land, and they became one before the first one of Rögnvalds family realized it.

One morning, Rögnvald stood on the watchtower with Frodi. It was spring, and a small ship sailed out towards the mainland. On board was Kjell, who sailed out to his annual journeys. He had been more reluctant to go than ever before. They all suspected that he would one day grow tired of his wanderings, but it wasn´t this year and it was his decision to make. So they watched him go with a familiar longing in their hearts. After the boat had passed from view, Rögnvald turned his head towards Frodi. The first silver strands had started to sneak into his golden hair. But the green eyes were alive and warm as ever, just as the arm he wrapped around Rögnvald. They watched the sun rise over Alba and the light flood the land to their feet, where their family slowly awoke to a new day.

[almostdeath]

Not sure if you're still doing the hurt/comfort prompts. But if you are, could you do “You can hold my hand" for Ted and Schlatt?

This is the first time that I wrote about something related to Ted, so...sorry if this isn´t to your liking haha. (ps: Not a single Jambo was hurt for this prompt)

Prompt: You can hold my hand

Characters: Ted, JSchlatt (refered to as J)

Ted was sitting at his computer, it was already pretty late or early, depends on how you experience “2 AM”, maybe he shouldn´t be up at that time but the editing doesn´t happen by itself unfortunately. Being consumed by the process and the noise of the video itself, the young man didn´t notice right away that his phone screen blinked, showing the name of the most important person in his life and the photo of Schlatt sleeping. Actually, the man told him to delete it and…. technically he did, at least he deleted one of the twenty. Ted almost threw his headphones on the table with a clank, taking the phone and answering right away. There was heavy breathing on the other side of the line and Ted would assume that this is some joke, like always, if there wasn´t some too realistic sniffling. The young man changed his position in the chair, becoming way more tense and forming a firmer grip on the phone.

-J…did something happen? It´s like…4 AM in Texas, right? -there was some mumbling, it was hard to understand.

-Fucking….yes..I..fuck…- there was coughing, Ted already closed his editing program, opening the search machine.

-Hey, hey…breath…you know how to do it, right? Are you drunk? – with some hiccupping there were attempts of regulating his breathing, the older man tried to support him, telling him to breath in and out at the right time, creating an acceptable rhythm.

-Jambo´s at the vet…ate some fucking…shit from the table…fuck, I am stupid…why did I even fucking leave it there?!- there was a paus, then the gurgle of liquid, at least that confirms Teds impression. His partner was drunk.

-J…you know that you are not stupid, did they already say something? – the man tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, he could yell that Schlatt shouldn´t just start insulting himself but he knows that this will not help, especially not if he is drunk.

-Said that….that they will call- he made a paus to empty his glass again.

-M…said I…I was causing a scene…which I wasn´t… - Ted was desperately trying to find what he is searching for.

-Of course you were not. You are worried and you have a right to be, babe…look, I will book a flight to Texas, okay? – there was some rattle on the other line, Schlatt was probably on the couch and just got up, falling back.

-No, no….just…just don´t hang up- Ted let out a quiet exhale and smiled weakly, when he saw a good enough opportunity.

-You think that I will just leave you like that? Just wait till I come. Here is a flight at like…. five AM, still available, so, I will be there at yours…. like…ten…yes, around ten. You still there, J? – the man definitely wasn´t waiting for approval, booking the flight and getting up, ready to pack the most important things, still holding the phone.

-Yes…yes, I am still here…- the older man nodded slightly, even if he knew that his partner wouldn´t see that.

-Good, I will not hang up….and you will not continue to drink, okay? Just…. keep talking. I am here. You are not alone. Just wait for me. – and so, he did. While Ted was getting ready, packing some of the more important belongings and checking all the documents, so he wouldn´t have any situation that would delay him, Schlatt was whispering all his thoughts, just stopping to normalize his breathing again. As an answer there was only encouragement and support. Ted would tell him how good it is that he called and didn´t try to go through this alone, would tell how much he loves J, and stop him whenever he would start to guilt trip himself. I was just an accident and nobodies fault.

The difficulties came when Ted arrived at the airport, he would have to hang up when he gets to the plane and his partner will surely stay awake. They both knew that this is necessary but this didn´t make it easier. Only three hours. Three hours too much for Teds liking. He couldn´t relax during the flight, thoughts coming back to Schlatt every time, he knows that his lover tends to overthink. This is clearly a stressful situation, he loves that cat, in any other moment, Ted would joke to himself that J loves this cat more than him but not now. Time seemed to pass by so slow. The man tried to keep his eyes open, even if his mind begged him for sleep, just a little bit longer, there is the need to hang on a little bit longer.

Finally, the plane landed, despite the lack of sleep, Ted felt a big amount of energy, trying to pass all controls as fast as possible. He took the nearest taxi outside the airport, of course he could take any public transport but that is too slow, it´s already past 10 AM. As soon as he named the address, he was trying to call his partner. J answered quite fast, maybe he was waiting for the call. Either for Teds or from the vet. The older man reassured him that he will be there in a couple of minutes and that everything will be fine, at least there was a shadow of a chuckle that sounded on the other line. Schlatt called him “mushy”. At least he is less distressed than before.

When the taxi stopped at the right address, Ted didn´t even wait to get his change, he just left, getting the door open and getting up the staircase, passing some of the stairs, almost tripping and getting to the needed apartment right when Schlatt opened the door. A tight hug didn´t need to wait, J still had a firm grip on the phone, slowly wrapping his arms around Teds shoulders. Without letting go even for a moment, the older man entered the apartment and closed the door behind him. The action was transferred onto the couch, where Ted slowly took the phone out of his boyfriends hand and placed it on the table, which was dirty with liquid.

-So…now it´s just the question of waiting…right?...you know…you can hold my hand if this would make it easier for you…- there was silence as an answer and then Ted could feel the touch of slightly cracked lips on his own, Schlatt slowly intertwined their hands.

-Ya are still an idiot for booking a fucking flight at two AM…- he whispered in his partners lips.

-Can´t believe that you would think that I would just leave you alone. Come on…. everything will be fine...lets just wait a little bit longer…-

[feminaexlux]

All That Matters (Pt 1: I Got Chills)

Happy Valentine’s Day! This is my @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers exchange fic for @nobodyfamousposts. Find this on AO3 here!

Summary: What if Miracle Queen happened 6 months later in the dead of winter?

Part 1 of 3, probably.

⁂

"Ladybug?"

"Yeah, Chat?"

"I have a girlfriend."

"Oh! That's wonderful, congratulations!"

Chat Noir looked… confused, which was odd given the news that Ladybug just got. "I thought you'd be jealous," Chat said eventually. Part of him sounded chagrined, but another part of him sounded a little relieved.

Ladybug tilted her head. "Why would I be jealous? I'm happy for you!"

"Thanks," Chat said with a small smile. "It's new for me, you know? I've never done this before. I feel like I'm going to mess something up."

Ladybug laughed. "You're a good guy, Chat. I think all relationships are going to be hard and there will always be ups and downs. But I think you'll be fine if you work together on the problems." Ladybug then had a concern. "You're not dating her as Chat are you?"

"Pfft, no, no my Lady, the real me is doing that part," Chat laughed.

"Okay, good. Remember you can't reveal your identity to anyone."

"I know, my Lady, I know." Chat sighed. "I wish I could, sometimes. It sucks having to leave her without a good explanation, you know?"

Ladybug paused and considered. "Can I ask how you deal with that?"

"Luckily for me, my fath-- uh, family has a pretty tight leash on this cat. I say that they need me and… she understands." Chat leaned forward and pulled up his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "She's… sad whenever that happens so I try to make it up to her."

Ladybug laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "That's good. It sounds like the sooner we can take down Hawkmoth, the better."

Chat turned to her and nodded. "Yeah. Agreed."

Ladybug took her hand off his shoulder and rested it back on the roof of the building they were on. They had done some patrols and met back up again to report nothing out of the ordinary. They sat together watching the sunset as they did on the good days.

It was partly cloudy and chilly in the early days of winter. The freezing cold hadn't yet settled in but Ladybug knew it was coming in soon. She'd noticed in the previous winter that part of her felt sluggish and her body felt more lethargic in general, even in her powered up super suit. Tikki had said something about how ladybugs didn't do well in winter, and maybe that was why? Okay, sure. Ladybug didn't want to be any sort of liability to Chat or to the city of Paris when it got cold so she was able to convince Master Fu to lend out the other Miraculous on a semi-permanent basis.

Rena Rouge and Carapace were more than recurring heroes now. Ladybug had entrusted the Miraculous to Alya Cesaire and Nino Lahiffe after they promised to protect their identities, each other, the city of Paris, and to not misuse the Miraculous powers for personal gain. She’d done the same for Pegasus, Ryuuko, and Viperion. Ladybug didn’t know who King Monkey was so she had enlisted Fu’s help in tracking him down.

Queen Bee was… on an as-needed basis. Chloe Bourgeois was still an unknown. She had her moments of true selflessness but they'd been rare and unpredictable and that wasn't an ally Ladybug or Chat Noir could trust. They tried explaining that to Chloe once, but it ended when the mayor's daughter threw them out in a fit of tears. They still gave her another chance but the last time Queen Bee was used was with HeartHunter and Ryuuko had to bail them all out when Queen Bee stopped listening to them.

It wasn't going well.

"How are you doing, 'Bug?"

Ladybug snapped out of her thoughts and turned to face Chat. "I'm… okay. It's starting to get cold."

"Maybe you need to find yourself a boyfriend and get some warm snuggles," Chat grinned. "What about that boy you love?"

Ladybug closed her eyes. "He's found someone else," Ladybug said softly. She had a small smile on her face, remembering how it felt to see Adrien and Kagami together. Kagami fit in to his life so seamlessly and Adrien looked happier than Marinette had ever seen.

"I'm… I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Ladybug sighed, looking back out at the sunset. "I think he's happier now." And now Marinette wasn't feeling like the universe kept pushing back. It hurt a little bit to know nothing was going right with Adrien and there wasn't anything she could do to change it. She finally made the decision to stop feeling hurt all the time and allowed herself to let him go. "And I think I'm happier too."

"Okay," Chat smiled, sighing in relief. "That's great to hear. I'm sorry it didn't work out but I'm glad that you're happier. A happy Ladybug is always good news."

"And a happy Chat Noir is always good news as well," Ladybug giggled. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Of course. You're my best friend, Ladybug. I want to tell you everything, but…"

"You shouldn't tell me. It's to protect us," Ladybug stressed. "But… you know you're my best friend too."

⁂

One good thing about no longer obsessing over Adrien was that Marinette had less to worry about. The GirlSquad was no longer a pain in the proverbial butt about getting her to ask him out either. Instead Alya had fixed her sights on improving the LadyBlog and tracking down interviews with the other semi-permanent heroes, though (for obvious reasons) she had way more articles about Rena Rouge than any of the other Miraculous holders. It didn't seem like it was for personal gain as Alya had styled the interviews as asking the heroes advice to inform all of her blog readers how to defend against or prepare for akumas, so Marinette decided she'd let that pass for the greater good.

The only thing that felt a little weird about the GirlSquad sometimes was that Juleka seemed like she kept wanting to talk with Marinette and then backing out at the last second. That probably meant Juleka still felt confused about Marinette dating her brother.

Marinette knew it looked kinda bad to date someone else soon(?) after giving up on Adrien, especially since Adrien started dating Kagami(!), but it just happened so… naturally. Marinette had been the one to keep visiting Luka at the Liberty. Luka had kept inviting her to watch movies with him. They'd just felt like having lunch together often. After months of not-dating Marinette had finally asked, flustered and tripping over her words, if they actually were. Or… If he had wanted to.

"If you want to, I'm game," Luka had said casually, but Marinette had seen the faintest blush on him.

They had both been surprised when she said "Yes."

Their relationship was nice and easy. They had taken it slow. Most of their "dates" were just hanging out, low key chilling around each other, listening to music or working on Lycée homework. He would lend an ear to whatever she wanted to talk about and offered his thoughts and commentary. She'd given him small gifts here and there. They'd gone out ice skating and met up with other friends a few times. She had been worried that she'd been a pretty boring girlfriend overall but he said "If you wanna be here with me and I wanna be here with you, that's all that matters."

Whenever she and Luka were together during an akuma attack Luka did have the penchant for staying with her for as long as possible. He did eventually give an excuse of having to check up on Juleka or his mom and left Marinette to run out as Viperion… and then she would transform into Ladybug and follow after him. If anyone caught on that Ladybug always came in right after Viperion, the other heroes were smart enough to not comment on it. Nor comment on how they always left at the same time. Luka had, after sprinting back to her, breathlessly apologized the first few times for leaving her but Marinette had said it was so brave of him to look out for his family's safety and that'd been enough. Marinette did have to admit to herself that dating another superhero was actually pretty convenient. Chat would never let that go if he found out.

On the bad days it'd been so good to melt into his hugs when she felt the weight of the world press down harder on her. He'd been the calm in her life she so desperately wanted. It hit her like a ton of bricks just how much she needed him when he got taken from her.

⁂

Marinette and Luka were hanging out at Place des Vosges having coffee together after defeating yet another akuma. It had gotten much easier dealing with Hawkmoth most of the other heroes helping out, and the fight was over in practically no time at all. Just when everything calmed down again she and Luka heard screaming nearby and saw people running away from… a swarm of wasps?

They got up and started running, but they were too slow and the wasps were catching up. "Aw crap," Luka yelled. "Marinette watch out!" Luka pulled her into his arms and shielded her from them, getting stung in the process.

"Luka!" Marinette felt his arms drop from her shoulders and she looked up to see his face devoid of any emotion. His eyes turned a weird shade of yellow and he wasn't responding to her shaking him. "Luka!" For one tiny moment he blinked and looked down at her with concern, then his face went slack again. "Oh no, what happened to you?" He turned away from her and started walking off. "H-hey! No! Don't go!" She took his hand and tried to pull him into the bakery but he resisted and kept walking. Another swarm of wasps was closing in on her and Marinette cried out in frustration, letting Luka slip out of her grasp.

Wasps… wasps? Was this Chloe?! Oh no, Marinette thought, turning on her heels to sprint toward the Seine. She transformed while diving in, making sure to use her aqua powerup. She plunged into the river and then looked back up to see the swarm hovering above the water and eventually disperse away. She pulled out her yoyo and slid the cover up, checking if any of the other Miraculous holders were active.

Oh no. None of the other heroes were showing up on her communicator. At least not yet. Oh no. Ladybug let the communicator close and swam in circles, wondering just how she'd be able to handle this on her own if she had to. Suddenly she got a ping and Ladybug whipped out her yoyo, franticly checking which of her allies was nearby. Oh thank goodness Chat Noir was alright. Okay. She swam to meet him as he was heading in her direction and they met up halfway. "Chat! I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah, I'm definitely glad to see you, 'Bug!"

"Th-this is… this is Queen Wasp again, isn't it?" Ladybug fretted and pulled her hair in a mix of frustration and guilt. "I… I thought…"

"We beat her before and we can do it again," Chat said, squeezing her shoulder with his hand. "And… and I have this, if we need it," he said somewhat sheepishly, pulling out what looked like a necklace. It was a choker… a very familiar choker. One she had given to Kagami Tsurugi to keep for the time being. What was Chat doing with the Dragon Miraculous? "I… found this near… a girl after she got stung by one of the wasps."

Ladybug blinked at the choker a few times. All she could think of was the dread she felt when the wasps were after her and Luka. What had Chat Noir gone through? And he had been conveniently nearby Kagami and the Dragon Miraculous and recognized it fast enough to grab it? "We might be able to use this." Ladybug closed Chat's hand over the choker. "You keep this for now, let's make a plan. None of the other heroes show up as active on my locator yet--" As soon as she said it she got a series of pings on her yoyo that indicated that most of the other Miraculous holders were becoming active, all but Ryuuko, and all at the same time and location.

Even Viperion showed up on her locator… she knew that Luka had been taken. Which could only mean…

"This is bad news." Ladybug bit at her bottom lip. "I personally saw that… one of the holders got stung. This means they've captured everyone else with a Miraculous and we're on our own. We'll have to use the Dragon and get any edge we can." Chat nodded at Ladybug and she sighed. "This is going to be tricky. We need to take Viperion out first."

"How are we going to do that?"

Ladybug and Chat Noir looked at each other in silence for a bit. "We have to split up and you have to use the Dragon Miraculous. You can't be caught by the wasps or Pegasus if you're in Wind form and I don't think it's safe to do a frontal assault with Viperion working against us."

"And what about you? What are you going to do?"

"I'm… going to use the Mouse. They can't capture all of me that way… hopefully."

Chat looked pained. "This sounds dangerous, 'Bug."

"Do you have another idea?" Chat shook his head. "Then let's do this for now. We'll have to play this by ear." Ladybug called her Lucky Charm and got a scarf, now waterlogged with Seine water (ew). "A scarf? What the heck am I supposed to do with a scarf?!"

⁂

To be continued (insert Jojo music here)

Actually j/k it's right here

[polaristranslations]

Yotsugi Buddy Episode 4

As someone who'd rather involuntarily become a vampire and been turned into a thrall, it was an idea that I could have never conceived of.

The idea of creating an oddity.

Even if she said it with the mood of, "I'm going to make an origami crane," I wasn't going to slap my knee [hiza wo utsu] and go, "So there was a method like that!"

If anything, it was such a shocking suggestion that it felt that I'd been shot in the knee [hiza wo utsu]... After all, it took me so much effort to become human again, and to state it clearly, even over a year later, I was still suffering from the dependence, aftereffects, and rehabilitation from that experience.

Even though it may not seem that way...

"B-but, is it really okay to do that? Creating an oddity is a pretty big deal, isn't it? I thought that you specialists were here to prevent that from happening... I was sure it was some forbidden act."

"Yeah. It's a black that's pretty close to gray."

"So it's still black!"

"Yep. Well, everyone gets all spooked when they hear about how forbidden it is, but don't you think it'll end up being not a huge deal when we try it out?"

"Spoken like an idiot just before they make an irredeemable mistake!"

In the first place, Ononoki-chan herself was an oddity that was created—revived—through a taboo.

As mentioned previously, Kagenui-san and Teori Tadatsuru (then college students) bore witness to that revival, and thus sustained appropriate curses...

The curse of not being able to walk on the ground.

I was a college student like them, but I didn't want to meet the same fate as them.

"It'll be fine. For you, oni onii-chan, isn't it similar to the difference between a life surrounded by walls and a life spent on top of walls, right?"

"A life spent on top of walls? Speaking of which, my bigger little sister used to do that a lot, while doing handstands."

Although she didn't do that as much anymore.

Since she'd entered high school, she'd stopped going out in a tracksuit.

I wonder if she became fashion-conscious.

"Okay, listen up, Ononoki Yotsugi. Once upon a time, Shinobu and I kept going along with a mood like that, traveled through time, and ended up destroying the world."

"The result of that is too extreme for me to use as reference. Besides, weren't you in a similar mood when you saved the dying Heartunderblade in spring break?"

"Hell no I wasn't! I was completely serious at the time, and it was a serious mistake!"

"Anyway, I want you to listen up. Oni onii-chan, are you so sensible that you'd get discouraged after one or two mistakes? What would you even do with that? How pathetic. Didn't we use to do stupid things together? Nadekou has also been making some mistakes recently, but she still hasn't gotten discouraged yet."

"I know it's not my place to say this, but what the hell are you doing with Sengoku!? Don't do stupid things with her! If you're going to, do them with me!"

"That's why I'm going to do this with you right now, oni onii-chan."

It's fine, it's fine—said Ononoki-chan, making an empty promise.

But I sensed nothing but danger.

"Though I say 'turning it into an oddity', it'll only be a temporary change. A temporary and restricted monstrous change... It'll just be like a shikigami making a familiar [tsukaima]."

"A god [kami] making a demon [ma]? What kind of situation is this... It definitely has to be forbidden..."

"Didn't you say back in the bathroom that you were 'ready to take anything on'? Was that a lie? Did you lie to me?"

"I didn't realize that even a lie of that level was unforgivable in our relationship... I meant that I was ready to take anything on, as long as it doesn't anger Gaen-san, doesn't destroy the world, and doesn't dissolve my certification as harmless."

"If this little bear once belonged to sensei, then you could say it was simply 'left for safekeeping' outside of the territory. In other words, it should still have the makings of an oddity. I'm just going to accelerate that process. When you make a vaccine, you induce a virus to grow, right? It's like that."

"It sounds persuasive, but is that really the same?"

I've often read stories in suspense novels about a virus that grows out of control and destroys the human race...

"Even if this tiny little bear gets out of control, I'll be able to take it down in no time."

"Those are the words of the researcher that dies first..."

"Nothing but complaints, huh, oni onii-chan. You should have a little more faith in me. You've hired a specialist, so just leave it to me."

"Even if you tell me to leave it to you in that monotone of yours..."

She sure had guts to say something like that after those acts of violence in Room 333.

She definitely wasn't a specialist when it came to renovations.

"In the first place, creating oddities isn't even your specialty, right?"

"That's not true. Actually, there was a time when I used to live with a very skilled doll maker."

Teori Tadatsuru, huh... Well, even if the only corpse doll he made was Ononoki-chan, he'd certainly made lots of other dolls as well.

"If you absolutely can't trust me, then I don't mind throwing things over to Teori onii-chan?"

"That would be a problem. When it comes to relying on him, he's second to Kaiki in terms of how reluctant I am."

"Rather than reluctant, you just hate them, don't you? But it relieves me to know that even you have someone you hate, oni onii-chan... I'm not trying to cover for my creator, but considering I was the one to blow up Araragi Tsukihi—wouldn't you say there isn't much difference between relying on me and relying on Teori onii-chan, who kidnapped your two sisters and your junior?"

The difference is marginal—but as she said that, even if it was true, it was still a matter of feelings.

It was a contradiction that Ougi-chan had heavily criticized me for.

"That guy's still going after me and Shinobu, ignoring our harmless certification, as well as my sister, isn't he?"

"It's the same for me. I'm always thinking about killing all of you if I can get the chance."

"I hate Teori. I like Ononoki-chan. These feelings of mine will not change just because my life is threatened. I'll protect Shinobu and I'll protect Tsukihi, so that I can continue to like you, Ononoki-chan. All right, fine. I'll leave it to you. You're free to do as you like."

"How embarrassing."

You've given me more faith than I was expecting—said Ononoki-chan, hiding her face behind her hands. It was a cute gesture, but behind those hands, I knew she was as expressionless as ever.

In the end, it felt like I was taken in by Ononoki's smooth-talking, or rather, the cajolery of a specialist... However, as long as I didn't have a plan of my own, Ononoki-chan had carte blanche to do anything she wanted.

It was true that, if I couldn't count on her here, I shouldn't have relied on her in the first place. I didn't have any other choice, but right now, it wasn't like I didn't have another choice but to rely on Ononoki-chan this time.

This time, I chose, deliberately, to rely on her.

"So... What do you plan to do, specifically? Is it something we can do at this park? Or, if it's rituals, we can go to the Kitashirahebi Shrine..."

"Ah, yes, the well-known Kitashirahebi Shrine, where Nadekou writhed around in a school swimsuit."

"Don't make it sound like an indecent shrine."

"That place has already become spiritually cleansed, thanks to my all-around great efforts. It's no longer an air pocket or a hangout for bad things."

She was taking more credit than she should be, but that was certainly true... Plus, I had been the one who practically got in the way of those efforts.

"So it doesn't meet the requirements. Creating an oddity isn't just something you can do anywhere. You can't just go pon, pon, pon and pop out an oddity."

"I can only imagine you popping out an oddity like that, though... But, on the other hand, now that it's a shrine with a proper god, isn't it more suitable for ceremonies?"

"If that god finds out, we're doomed."

So you're trying to do something that will doom us after all... How about we don't do something that could get Hachikuji mad at us?

That's what I wanted to say, but after having expressed that level of trust, it was kind of hard to take it back, even as a man with no guiding principles... But, if we wanted to do it without Hachikuji finding out, then it probably wasn't a good idea to do it here in Shirohebi Park, either.

Or rather, it was a bad idea to continue this fruitless discussion here. Since this was where Hachikuji and I had first met, this park was practically her territory.

"Yes. We're going to use that concept of 'territory'."

"Mm. What? What do you mean?"

"If we assume that the abused doll and the clothes became oddities because Room 333 was sensei's territory, then turning this little bear into an oddity should also be done in her territory."

"...So we're going to return there? By this point, a commotion has to have started by now."

"Even if there wasn't a commotion, we shouldn't go back there. If you're making a vaccine, you wouldn't want to use a virus with the same potency as the actual virus."

Well, yeah.

Even the flu shot was made up of an extremely weak version of the virus, injected so our body could produce antibodies... Well, I heard that even a weakened virus could make you feel unwell, so we couldn't be too careful.

"In other words, territoriality... The best place would be somewhere with a less 'private' feeling than her home. Do you have any ideas, oni onii-chan?"

"Of course, that would be her workplace. What about the office where I first talked with Associate Professor Iesumi?"

"Her office is still a private office, right? That's still pretty high in terms of territoriality... I'd prefer a more communally used space, where other people might go. Like her favorite restaurant, or something."

"The university cafeteria... But I don't know if Associate Professor Iesumi ever ate there. In the first place, we shouldn't be doing this around other people, right?"

"I don't really mind if anyone sees, though? What's wrong with showing off our relationship?"

"Don't act like we're on a secret date. ...What about a lecture hall? The lecture hall where I take the associate professor's language course, that is."

"That would be too weak for territoriality. After all, there are a lot of other classes that go on, and isn't that more of the student's territory?"

That was how it was in university, huh... If it were a high school, I'm sure the classroom area would be fine as the homeroom teacher’s territory.

"Darn, I can't believe that the fact that I moved onto higher education would come back to bite me like this... If only I were still a Naoetsu High School student!"

"If you still were, then I bet nothing in particular would happen. You'd live a life where nothing happened, except for breaking up with Senjougahara Hitagi."

How harsh.

But, again and again, I deeply realized that I'd taken on a request from someone I knew absolutely nothing about... I couldn't think of any territory for Associate Professor Iesumi at all.

I guess it was because she was that kind of person that she was able to disappear without a trace, except for a single little bear left on the roof...

"That's for sure. Normally, no matter where you disappear to, you would usually go home at least once to prepare yourself. The fact that she disappeared directly from work makes me think that she must have been preparing this for a long time,"

said Ononoki-chan.

For her, it was just an offhand comment, possibly not even something she really believed, but those words made it click for me.

"Ononoki-chan! What did you just say!? No, before that!"

"You didn't even let me respond. What part? The fact that she disappeared directly for work?"

"No, before that—no, that was it. Sorry, sorry."

"You're just starting to sound like a guy that likes saying 'No, before that'. But what is it?"

"How about inside her car?"

I asked.

"If you close the door, it gives off a private feeling, and even though it's not a common place, she wouldn't be in it all the time, so it's not as territorial as her home or her office, right?"

"Mm... It's not bad, but I dunno. That would mean we'd have to go back to the apartment, but is that all right?"

It would certainly be bad if we went back.

On top of the tires of the cars in the parking lot all having been slashed, my New Beetle was also parked there, making it an unfavorable situation. I didn't think I wanted to return without wearing a mask of some sort.

However...

"If she disappeared directly from her office without returning home, then wouldn't Associate Professor Iesumi's car still be parked in the university parking lot?"

026

To make an unsubstantiated claim, as someone who didn't actually know Associate Professor Iesumi well, I didn't know if she commuted by car or not, and I didn't know if she left her car behind when she disappeared... If anything, if you think about it normally, you'd think a person would disappear using their car, if they owned one.

It was a very convenient vehicle, after all.

Thus, my previous statement was quite the careless statement, not backed up by anything.

However, if she wanted to completely erase her presence, instead of just simply disappearing, then driving a vehicle with license plates on the front and back was basically the same as traveling with a name tag.

Just like with her home, it felt like she would have left something like that alone, without getting her affairs in order... Maybe this line of attack had some merit to it?

I didn't expect things to go smoothly.

As long as we were expecting unpredictability, we were going to need an indiscriminate brute-force attack...

It seemed that, strangely enough, luck favored the kind of guy that liked to take detours without any plan in mind... The number of parking lots near Manase University was not small, including the one I usually used. Going through all of them would not be easy, no matter how mobile Ononoki-chan was—not only did we not know what kind of car Associate Professor Iesumi owned, we also didn't even know if it existed.

But, even so (because I was afraid that Hachikuji might find out if we kept lingering at Shirohebi Park), I figured we may as well get moving, and headed to the campus of Manase University in its summer break ("Unlimited Rulebook"—I'd taken off my frozen cap and jacket). And when we arrived, I realized something that I hadn't expected at all, but of course something like that existed.

In other words, the campus had a parking lot for staff use.

It was far from my usual travel route, and even if I had passed by it at one point, it might have left my awareness as an area that had nothing to do with me as a student... It wasn't that I didn't know everything—there was nothing but things I didn't know, this university that I attended.

Not to mention, since it was summer vacation, there weren't many cars parked in the parking lot, which was just a plain asphalt lot with orange lines painted onto it.

It was sparsely populated.

If it was like this, then we'd be able to conduct a full investigation in a limited amount of time, and, if we were so inclined, we wouldn't even need to go that far... That was because there was one car that stood out from the rest. A car with a distinctly different disposition [keiro].

Or rather, it just had a different color [iro]... Basically, it was a car that had become covered in dust and dirt. Like an abandoned automobile... Is this what happens to cars that are left uncovered for just a few days?

Just because the owner disappeared and left it alone... It looked like it was originally a pretty expensive car, too—a foreign car with the steering wheel on the left side.

"Feels like the car's been abused,"

said Ononoki-chan—it was some harsh criticism of the owner, but an excellent statement. Only a tool could express such a thing.

It seemed that the statement that "homes quickly fall into disrepair when people don't live in them" could be directly applied to automobiles, as well... It also happened to be favorable for the ritual that we were about to perform.

"No security cameras here. Good, good."

I was basically acting like a criminal by now, but the fact that this car was not parked in a contracted parking lot was really the luckiest thing... It was unknown if the bizarre phenomenon of the blanket puncturing tires in the apartment building's parking lot was captured on video, but if we were caught on video tinkering with this abandoned car, it would totally be vehicle burglary.

But we couldn't just dawdle around.

If the owner of the car was not found, the car would eventually be towed away... I wanted to hurry up. In the first place, bringing a tween girl to a university campus could easily attract attention on its own.

"Seems there's no dash cam installed, either. All right, all that's left is to hotwire the car."

"Don't talk about things you can't even do. The only thing you can do here, oni onii-chan, is keep watch."

The tween girl made me into her underling... Well, it was true that I couldn't possibly attempt to cooperate in the creation of an oddity.

"But how do you plan on getting inside? Ononoki-chan. For the record, I'm not going to let you break a window, okay?"

"What kind of ruffian do you think I am? I wouldn't do something like break a windowpane."

And with that, what the god of destruction broke was the lock to the trunk in the back of the car. While I was speechless, she slipped the little bear from my pocket.

"Then, see ya. Keep watch for about half an hour, will you? It's a job that only you can do, oni onii-chan. I'm counting on you."

She dexterously folded her body into the not-very-spacious luggage compartment and squeezed in like some girl that had been kidnapped, closing the lid from the inside.

I see, she didn't have to sit in the driver's seat or the passenger seat to perform the ritual... With the trunk lid closed like this, no one would be able to see what was going on from outside, so the choice of the trunk area was a pretty nice idea.

Even if there were no security cameras or dash cams, it took a certain amount of bravery to perform a questionable ritual in a car for half an hour—and for Ononoki-chan, the darkness inside the trunk was nothing to be feared.

I couldn't help but get curious about what sort of forbidden ritual was taking place inside the trunk to breathe life into that little bear (I could hear an odd wriggling sound—wriggling?)—but it was probably better for me not to know.

A careless guy like me...

I'd been told to keep watch so that nobody interfered with Ononoki-chan as she put her heart and soul into that little bear, but considering that a guy who wasn't even a staff member loitering around the staff parking lot was plenty suspicious, I almost thought it would be better if I joined Ononoki-chan in the trunk. The fact that she didn't give me the time to do so was probably because she didn't want me to learn anything unnecessary, on top of how already cramped it was in the trunk.

Despite all she said, she was a rather considerate tween girl... I guess she was leaving me out of the loop so that I didn't get cursed even more.

Certainly enough, the curses placed on me by my childhood friend were more than enough... Plus, she was the one that started this whole thing.

Oh, that lovely girl.

On the other hand, on the flip side, you could say that Ononoki-chan was just willing to take on that much risk—for a professional, it probably wasn't that big of a risk, but it still made me a bit anxious.

So that I wasn't just dragging my feet, I decided to at least act like an admirable student, industriously cleaning my professor's abandoned and dusty car—I didn't have any cleaning fluid or brushes, so I couldn't do much, but I could at least brush away the dirt with my hands. I even thought about using my ski cap as a towel, but decided against it, thinking it would be a bad idea to clean someone else's car with something that was once covered with drool.

As I did so, I could see the inside of the car through the window, but there was nothing unusual about it—no stickers or decorations on the seats... Also, there were no stuffed dolls from a crane game lined up in the back seat or anything like that, either.

Well, even if I were to break into this car, there wasn't any sort of fabric that could come and attack... No, wait, was it possible for the floor mats to come flying at me?

"......?"

There, my hands that were wiping the windows paused—partly because my hands were getting so dirty that they were no longer useful for cleaning, but also because I had a strange feeling about the interior of the car.

As mentioned before, there shouldn't have been any cause for concern inside the car, and yet my attention was drawn to something... Unlike the third bedroom where that father doll lay, it didn't give off the impression of being a set. It didn't feel like a car displayed at a car dealership... It had the feeling of being lived-in, the feeling of being used.

Then what part of the car was bothering me?

If only I were the kind of person that could get flashes of inspiration. Then life would be so much easier... Although something like that seemed more tiresome.

If only I had a button to give me a flash of inspiration.

In the first place, there weren't enough things inside the car to worry about... Maybe this was the kind of thing where I was not worried about something "being" there, but something "not being" there?

But, the steering wheel was there, the accelerator and the brake were there... The back mirror was there, the gear shift was there, the parking brake was there... Maybe something that wasn't so fundamental?

Was I just concerned about how the steering wheel was on the left side? But, my New Beetle also had its steering wheel on the left side, so I was actually pretty used to that—something my car had that this car didn't... Not only in the driver's seat, but also in the passenger seat—

"...Ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

I got it, I got it. When I figured it out, it was almost shameful... Honestly, I didn't want to describe it. But now that I'd made myself so obvious, I couldn't just keep my mouth shut about it, even if it might not have anything to do with the main topic.

It was the passenger seat—the child seat.

In my New Beetle, the passenger seat was equipped with a child seat for Shinobu's use, but this car just didn't have one—because both cars had steering wheels on the left side, I was able to feel that sense of discomfort.

Good grief, what was I doing, getting all preoccupied in the middle of more pressing issues? In terms of the mise-en-scène of a child seat, there were more cars that didn't have them than did... After all, if you didn't have children, it wasn't an essential element at all—if you didn't have children?

But Associate Professor Iesumi was a mother with a three-year-old daughter...

Hm? No, "Iie-chan", the three-year-old daughter, was actually the Iie-chan doll... But if Associate Professor Iesumi thought that the doll was "her own child", then...

The doll was the target of abuse, so she didn't provide it a child seat as part of the abuse? Well, that could be the case.

If it was locked up in a cage, then it wouldn't have had a chance to go out with her—but it wasn't locked up all the time, and there must have been a time "before the abuse"...

Besides, it was a legal obligation to install a child seat, right? I liked the way Shinobu squeezed in tightly into that small seat, so I set mine up without regard to the Road Traffic Act, but when I looked it up when I bought the car, it was mandatory to install a child seat when taking a child under the age of six into the car—by the way, Shinobu's outer appearance was that of an eight-year-old.

There were even those who thought that babies shouldn't even be put into cars for safety reasons... But not even I thought that we needed to be that much of a stickler. While we're on the subject of the law, child abuse was an unforgivable crime in the first place... However, when I remembered the "remnants of affection" I felt from the nursery, I wasn't sure if it made sense to remove and dispose of the child seat because she didn't think of Iie-chan (the doll?) as cute.

Associate Professor Iesumi's abuse came in the form of abandonment.

That's why the fruit knife stabbed in the back was a clear contradiction—then, shall we assume the child seat was removed by someone else? But I was pretty sure that child seats were treated as oversized garbage in most areas... It was obvious that getting rid of one would be troublesome.

I'd been regretting becoming aware of this, but that regret was quickly changing into a different kind of regret... I had a feeling that if I continued to think about this, the end goal would be good for nothing.

Earlier, I'd wanted a button for a flash of inspiration, but now I wanted a button to undo it—such a self-centered wish would normally not get fulfilled, but it seemed luck was on my side here as well.

If I hadn't used up all my luck yet, I would have preferred it take my side in a different scene than this one... Anyway, my thoughts, which I couldn't stop on my own, were interrupted by an external impetus.

When I noticed, it turned out that much time had passed, as Ononoki-chan said, "Thanks for waiting, oni onii-chan," and crawled out of the trunk.

"Rejoice, for the ritual has succeeded. Look."

But even if she told me to look.

The result was not exactly something I could rejoice over—when looking at the little bear doll standing atop Ononoki-chan's hand, and when looking at Ononoki-chan's face half an hour later.

This was the first time a change occurred in Ononoki-chan's face, which had always been expressionless—I wanted to opt for a description that was as appropriate as possible, but the more I twisted it, the more disturbing it became. So, to say it outright.

Ononoki-chan's right eye had been gouged out—turned into a hollow cavity. And.

In the face of the little bear doll wriggling atop her hand, her right eye had been implanted.

027

Thrall-making. Familiar.

The process of embedding a part of your own body into a doll to make it an alter ego—simply put, that's all it was, but it was still frightening.

Fear [kyoufu] prevailed over amazement [kyoutan].

Rather than devoting one's heart and soul [shinketsu], it was more like devoting one's flesh and blood [ketsuniku].

Since her design was that of a tween girl, I never thought that Ononoki-chan's appearance was scary, but now that she was speaking to me with one eye hollowed out yet still expressionless as ever, it was kind of horrifying.

It was both expressionless and not expressionless at the same time.

Although, it was probably more normal to be afraid of the little bear doll that was moving bizarrely like a marionette in Ononoki-chan's palm... No, don't get confused. A little bear doll with an eyeball embedded in it was plenty scary.

It was scary enough that I could even faint right here.

I'd noticed that the little bear doll had been old and both eyes were missing, but I didn't expect Ononoki-chan would try to "repair" the missing parts in such a way...

She'd created a bug-eyed monster, hadn't she.

"A-at this point, we really won't be able to make an anime out of this... Of course I wouldn't be able to participate in the ritual."

"Weren't you an eyeball fanatic, oni onii-chan? You're pretending to be scared, but really, your heart's skipping a beat at this eye socket, isn't it?"

"Don't try to push a preference worse than lolicon onto me. Eh? Did it really have to be an eyeball? Isn't it normal to use something like hair for making an alter ego?"

"Well, I'm not Sun Wukong. That would have been fine, too, but the centerpiece [medama] of this mission was to have the familiar guide us, so I figured using an eyeball [medama] was a good idea."

"That's not a funny joke. What makes you think you can get a laugh out of me right now?"

"Your viewpoint."

"It wasn't my viewpoint that was wrong. It's my judgment [megane]. It was a terrible misjudgment to leave this to you."

"'The eyes, huh [me ga nee]', you say? Well, that's what you get from just five thousand yen."

I'd thought for sure that it was a clever line, but it turned out she was cutting corners because of her fees... It was hard to come across a buyer's remorse as bad as this. As for "the eyes, huh," she was skimping on even the gags.

Well, in terms of pupils, I suppose holes were naturally a part of eyes...

"Damn, if it was going to be like this, I should've crowdfunded one yen from every person in Japan and paid one hundred million yen..."

"Don't talk about elementary school fantasies as if they're modern management techniques."

"But... Ononoki-chan, putting aside gags [gyagu] and fees [gyara], are you really okay? With that eye socket. Is that something you can fix later?"

"I don't need your concern. I'm a corpse, after all. This level of damage doesn't even hurt or itch. Feel free to shower me with thunderous applause. Or you can just rain down kisses upon this eye socket."

"Don't try to test my affections."

"Not to mention, I've been in a worse state when I played around with Nadekou."

"Really, what the hell are you doing with Sengoku?"

"It'll go back to normal if I put it back. In the worst-case scenario, if it doesn't go back, I can just become an eyepatch character."

"Don't try to change your character after all this time! You're already decked out just as you are, Ononoki-chan!"

"It's nice to hear that, but don't think that what you see now is all of me. I had an eyepatch during the war, you see."

"At the Battle of Waterloo?"

"Non. During the Ononoki War."

"There was a war with your name on it!?"

They probably wouldn't teach that in history class.

If it wasn't an irreversible change, then it made me a little relieved, but from now on, I had to make sure I didn't make any careless requests to Ononoki-chan.

She wasn't afraid to hurt herself.

I'd totally forgotten about what I was thinking about... Something about a seat? Or a sheet? Maybe a cooling sheet? I certainly wanted to cool myself down.

Well, to take my eyes off of Ononoki-chan for a second... Not as a gag—literally, take my eyes off of Ononoki-chan.

And look at the little bear doll that was infused with a soul through a horrible, squirming ritual.

Rather than a familiar, it felt more like some sort of talisman... Huh? At some point, it disappeared from Ononoki-chan's hand?

When I looked, I saw that the little bear doll with the eyeball had jumped off while we were fiercely clashing, and that it had begun lumbering along the lines atop the asphalt of the parking lot... It looked like it was about to fall over, and when I thought it would, it held its head high and regained its balance.

Even its movements were frightening...

It felt like some new life form that human arrogance created from scratch through genetic experimentation... Of course making something like this would be forbidden. I would have to accept whatever punishment Gaen-san threw my way... Whoa, it came this way.

"Shall we give it a name? I might even get attached to it. This is something I just thought of, but how about Koyomi?"

"You should at least give it a name related to Associate Professor Iesumi, or even a name related to yourself."

"You sure are noisy, Koyomi #2."

"I'm #2?"

"Make way for Koyomi, Koyomi #2. Otherwise I'll demote you to #3. The navigation has already begun."

Huh... So it wasn't just wandering aimlessly, but already trying to return to its original owner...

At first I wasn't sure if it would work, but if the flying blanket was headed to Associate Professor Iesumi for revenge on its abuse, then it wouldn't be strange if this little bear doll had the same latent directionality... Rather, this doll was the only one here that was doing its job as instructed.

Look what Ononoki-chan and I have become.

"But isn't it bad that it's going so smoothly? I mean, it's a little bear doll with an eyeball, walking around in public where anyone can see."

"It's going smoothly, so we can gouge out some eyes for the trivial stuff."

"Gouge out some eyes for the trivial stuff!? You mean turn our eyes away from the trivial stuff, right?"

"I'll gouge out the eyes of anyone who sees it."

"I can't turn my eyes away from that. I'm going to tell Kagenui-san."

"It's something onee-chan often says, though. Come on, oni onii-chan, don't be silly. Just pretend you're Geppetto."

"You're assigning me one of the hardest acts of all... So basically, I have to act like I'm controlling a marionette with piano wire, right?"

"That's right. The setting is that we're both new members of a circus club. I skipped a grade, and my specialty is riding the trapeze."

"If you're going to pay that much attention to the setting, you should've planned things out a little more carefully from the beginning. We're being way too haphazard."

"Speaking of haphazard, here. I found some mineral water in the trunk. I guess it's for emergencies in case of a disaster, but the fact that it's carbonated water does feel like a sensei from Europe. Hold onto it."

"? I'm not really thirsty, though?"

"Pour it on the bear if it starts going wild."

She was pretty hard on it after giving it a name, especially my name... She wasn't getting attached to it at all.

"Even if we do successfully find her, I'll feel morally responsible if the bear ends up finishing off that intellectual sensei."

"You wouldn't just be morally responsible, you'd be completely responsible!"

Once again, I realized how forbidden this all really was.

Although it already looked that way from the bear doll's wobbly movements.

Originally, with the size of the little bear doll being what it was, it wasn't exactly designed to be able to stand upright, let alone walk, and the eyeball attached to its head made its balance even worse...

"Employing a familiar is kind of like taking care of an animal. It's the owner's responsibility to take care of it, up to the point of killing it, right?"

"For a moment, I thought you were going to give me a lecture on taking responsibility for life or something, so I was going 'ugh' in my head, but Ononoki-chan, that's not quite right."

But true, "the weakness being water" was something I'd figured out a little while ago... So this familiar was no exception.

But this weakness didn't seem to matter to Ononoki-chan, who opened the lid of her own plastic bottle and gulped down the water—she must've gotten tired out from the ritual.

"Pwaah. Well, it's not chilly at all. Lukewarm carbonated water sure is peculiar."

"Well, it was in the trunk after all... Ononoki-chan, I thought about this when you blew away that father doll, but you're pretty cold to dolls despite being a doll, huh."

"Are you saying I'm the one who's chilly? But I'm not chilly [hieteinai], and I wouldn't say that [ieteinai]. It's not despite being a doll, but because I'm a doll. I don't even have normal empathy. No naive feelings of hating something similar to me. Did I act in a way that made you misunderstand? A doll is a doll. Isn't empathizing with dolls the domain of humans? For oni onii-chan, and for the intellectual sensei."

"......"

I was flustered just by the sight of Ononoki-chan's eye socket, so it was hard to argue back. Empathy, huh...

"Are those thoughts what causes doll oddities to be formed?"

"Who knows. I don't think onee-chan and the others put that much thought into bringing me back to life—come on, if you don't keep up, we'll lose track of the bear."

"Ah."

I had thought it was just wandering around aimlessly, but I realized that the eyeball-attached little bear doll was slowly tottering forward, as if in a game of "Red Light, Green Light"... There was no way it could've made it that far at the speed it was waddling, but was it speeding up whenever I didn't have my eyes on it?

But, if it wasn't going to move at that speed, then the sun was definitely going to set on us... Especially since its stride was short, and it didn't seem to be able to fly like the Iie-chan doll.

"Right, I kept its functionality to a minimum. Like I said, it's a weakened version of the virus. You don't want it to go out of control or make more companions, right? It doesn't have any will or any feelings. If you want to think of it like this, it's basically a radio-controlled car."

"Then, instead of just following behind it, we should try to keep figuring out where Associate Professor Iesumi disappeared to."

It was better to think of it like a compass, not a state-of-the-art navigation system... The theory that it began to maneuver at high speeds when we looked away was intriguing, but we wouldn't be able to recover if we inadvertently let it run off into the wild.

Hm... Huh?

But, where was it going?

If it went that way, it would run into the school building... Was its intelligence suppressed to the point that it couldn't even avoid walls? In that case, it was a bit pitiful, but when I thought about how this sort of compassion was what put the world in danger, I suffered from a dilemma that I didn't need to suffer from—and then.

At that point, my cell phone rang.

I received a message. Actually, two messages, at almost the exact same time.

Holding the plastic bottle in my other hand, I pulled out my cell phone and checked the senders of the text messages, making sure not to take my eyes off of the eyeball-attached little bear doll.

It seemed there was good news and bad news—in other words, the senders of the two messages were Hamukai Meniko and Araragi Tsukihi.

When I checked the bad news (in other words, the message from Tsukihi), the star-laden message said that the hike ended with no bodies being found, so she really was going to go visit Nadeko-chan's house now, because she didn't want to lie to her best friend.

Sengoku.

I had nothing but apologies to offer you.

And now for the good news—no, based on the content, maybe I should classify this as bad news as well.

"Araragi-chan~ I finished deciphering that thing you sent me~ Sorry it took me so long~ Full text below~"

Even in text, her usual lax attitude came through. But below that, the message read,

"(* It contains some grotesque expressions, so prepare yourself~)"

I couldn't help but think that the line of text was unusually unsettling for Meniko.

"......"

"What's the matter? Oni onii-chan. Did you get some kind of weird text?"

In response to Ononoki-chan's natural question that arose when I suddenly stopped in my tracks...

"It's a testament,"

I responded frankly.

"What arrived was sensei's testament."

"? 'An'ya Kokoro'?"

028

"To Araragi-kun.

"I'm leaving you this letter with peace of mind because I don't think you, my proud student, have the language skills to be able to translate it.

"Now, where should I start? There's so much to talk about, though.

"How exciting.

"But don't take it too seriously.

"After all, my life has been full of lies. I've somehow managed to cheat and deceive my way through life, pretending that it was all real.

"I have no idea what it feels like to be up front about my true feelings. Isn't opening your mouth to speak basically the same as lying?

"Just kidding. Even a claim like this, I'm not really serious about—I just thought it would be a good way to start this letter. It may as well be sleep talk.

"I'm pretty good at sleeping, you see. That's the truth.

"I've spent my whole life sleeping, and I've spent my whole life dead—rather, I was never even alive.

"Because I'm a doll.

"Yes... I suppose I should begin there. If I'm going to confess.

"Araragi-kun, I've lied a lot to you in the short time we've known each other, so in order for you to forgive me, I want you to be able to sympathize with me first.

"I want you to consider the extenuating circumstances.

"I'm pathetic and pitiful, so I absolutely need for you to think that you'll forgive me... Well, I never actually considered it in that way, but maybe you'd be more easily convinced if I said it like that.

"You'd rather not think that you were tricked and taken advantage of by a crazy adult, right? It doesn't sound very convincing to say it here, but I want children to be able to believe in adults.

"'I don't want you to become like me.' It's an old and oft-repeated line, but I wished that someone would have told me the opposite.

"'Become like me. Life is fun.'

"I wanted to meet an adult that would say that to me... Oops, don't worry. That doesn't mean I'm going to say that you should become happy in my place.

"There's no need to worry about that.

"Araragi-kun, I'm sure what you care about the most is 'why I chose you', and the rest may not matter at all to you, but I'd like to put on airs and save that answer for the end.

"I'll save the fun for the very end.

"Because, while it probably isn't a fun answer for you, I want you to read to the very end.

"One thing I will say, though, is that Oikura-san really isn’t involved... Please understand that it's not her fault.

"Please be gentle to her.

"Now, it's time for class to begin. Enjoy."

029

"The person I respect is my father, and the person I respect is my mother.

"I have to say, it's those college seniors on the job hunt that can answer the interviewer's questions with those words that I truly respect and love.

"That I hold in high esteem.

"Somewhere inside me, I have the feeling that familial love is a wonderful thing. But, you see, it was only inside me.

"It wasn't in the house.

"And it wasn't in the cage.

"We talked about something like the cycle of abuse, right? You know, where you aren't able to love your children because your parents didn't love you... But, in that sense, my parents were fine people.

"They were a fine pair.

"They got their dream jobs, were active in a foreign country, and even obtained citizenship there... I believe they were respected and loved even by the people around them.

"They were a fine pair, and it was just that that pair couldn't become a fine trio.

"Daddy was a pediatrician, and Mommy was a fashion designer for children's clothes... I'd never really thought about it in this way, but in a way, they were both specialists of children.

"Specialists.

"And I think they were good at it. Daddy didn't let me die, and Mommy used to make clothes for me all the time.

"Hagoromo is a pretty unusual name for my generation, don't you think? It's a name that Mommy gave to me. Meaning 'a robe of feathers'.

"The legend of the hagoromo.

"I can go on and on about how they came to Switzerland, how they achieved success there, or perhaps even the romantic tale of how they met, but, yeah, I'll stop here.

"I don't feel like bragging about my parents. I wouldn't do something so embarrassing. For reasons beyond just embarrassment.

"But, well, when I look back on myself, it's like I've done similar things, in a similar position, right?

"I wonder if they've been through something terrible, too. I wonder if that's why they gave me such a hard time.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"There's a saying like that, right?

"There's also a saying that goes, 'The child is father to the man'—I'll quote this saying again later, so remember it.

"Because I want you to warn me if I forget to do so.

"I said that it was time for class to begin, and I'm starting to use the same tone of voice as in my lectures out of habit, but, well, I'm not really qualified to teach... I say 'habit [kuse]' but it's really despite [kuse ni] being me. I said it as a metaphor, but at the same time, it means exactly what it sounds like.

"If I'd been an honest person, I wouldn't have been able to work at a national university. Even if you don't manage to decipher this letter, Araragi-kun, I'm sure someone will eventually find out. That I was a fake teacher.

"Don't get me wrong. My parents definitely loved me. Thinking like this could be a form of Stockholm Syndrome, and you might criticize me for being complicit in my parents' actions, but still, even if it was a bit warped, I would say that was still love.

"Although the idea that parents will always be parents to their children, even if they are abused, makes me sick.

"At the very least, even though I had never attended any kind of school, not even for a day, I was still provided enough education to be able to teach at a foreign university. Although it's a bit ironic to think that my longing for school was what made me a university professor.

"They did love me.

"But, they didn't pay me any respect.

"Do you get it? In other words, they didn't treat me like a human being.

"They treated me like a doll.

"They took care of me like a toy.

"I was a teddy bear to those two.

"Bears are cute, aren't they? I wonder why they're so cute?

"But, it's only the children that are cute.

"Adult bears are scary. You can't call them with '-chan'. You end up wanting to use 'sir' or 'madam'.

"I'd like to say that only pandas are cute even when they grow up... But even pandas are cuter as children.

"Have you ever been told that, Araragi-kun? 'You used to be so cute as a child.' Well, children don't grow up the way parents want them to. Like how characters move on their own in the culture of Cool Japan, I guess?

"Anyway, about my parents.

"About my home. About my cage.

"I was their little teddy bear... and they didn't want their little bear to grow up so quickly. They really, really didn't want it—they wanted me to stay their adorable little baby forever.

"So.

"They stopped raising me."

030

"First, they threw me into a handmade cage. They carefully transferred me from a crib to a cage.

"You know how they say you shouldn't keep a goldfish in a large tank? Because they'll grow to the size of the tank.

"If you want to keep the goldfish small, you shouldn't keep it in a tank that's any bigger... Well, I figure it's more like an urban legend, but that's what they did.

"As specialists. As parents.

"To their own child.

"They imprisoned me in a meticulously calculated cage—not because the baby would move around and mess up the house, not because it was troublesome if the baby followed them around—but because they didn't want me to grow taller or gain more weight than the length, width, and height of the iron fence.

"It was an act filled with love.

"It was an act filled with hope.

"'I hope that Hagoromo-chan stays small forever.'

"'Please stay cute forever, Hagoromo-chan.'

"I don't really remember what it was like as a baby, but I surely had to have cried out because of such discomfort.

"It would have been a high-pitched scream.

"But it's a baby's job to cry.

"So as they watched me cry, they considered me the most lovely little thing—the abuse against me did not even involve discipline.

"They were trying to spoil me.

"It really makes you think, doesn't it?

"What kind of upbringing did they have to have to become parents like that... Would it be comical to say that I wanted to see their parents' faces?

"There should be four of my grandparents here in this country, but I don't think I want to meet them... They're probably not even alive.

"Well, if you've been trapped in a place for as long as you can remember, you'll end up thinking it's completely normal.

"At some point, I stopped crying.

"Because crying was a waste of water.

"Water was important. For the sake of staying alive. The only effort I could make of my own volition to stay alive was to 'not cry'.

"So, after being trapped like a foie gras goose, unable to move, I was constantly stuffed with food, just like a foie gras goose—but of course you don't think that, right?

"In fact, it was the opposite. I'm sure you can imagine.

"Daddy and Mommy didn't even try to nourish me. Because, if I did, I might grow.

"Breast milk was a no-no.

"I know I said I didn't remember anything from when I was a baby, but I can vaguely remember my mom in the kitchen, milking her own breasts and throwing away all the nutrients I needed to grow.

"I get that feeling. It could just be a false memory. Maybe, because it was a waste, she gave it to Daddy to drink. Sorry, that was an adult joke.

"All I drank was just water.

"But I wasn't badmouthing it by calling it 'just water'... After all, it was how I maintained my transient life.

"Just a transient life.

"But, since water was all I had to drink, you can pretty much guess what my food was like, right? Do you think you can answer correctly if I gave it as a quiz? It's a question that ninety-seven percent of babies can get right.

"At the very least, there was no need to wean me off of milk onto baby food. I didn't need to be weaned, because I wasn't even drinking milk in the first place.

"Basically, I was given nothing to eat.

"If you don't eat, you don't gain weight. Maybe I should put out a book called 'The No-Eating Diet'.

"How should I put it? I felt like I was almost dried out. Like a flimsy mummy that was nothing but skin and bones—like tanned leather. So it was like water brought me back to life.

"But it wasn't like that water was unlimited. So it was normal for me to not eat or drink... But, maybe once every three days, once every five days, once every week, once every month, I was given some fruit to eat.

"An apple, a pear, a banana, a tangerine, a melon, an avocado, or a durian.

"Daddy used a fruit knife to peel it and cut it to the size of my mouth. My mouth was small, after all. Like a puckered-up mouth, I guess? My teeth weren't coming in at all.

"Were you thinking that I was being fed something surprisingly nutritious?

"Indeed.

"Although, all I was fed was the peel. The apple, the pear, the banana, the tangerine, the melon, the avocado—the peel of those fruits.

"Being in a state where I was like tanned [namesareta] leather, all I did was lick [nameru] the peel that I'd been given.

"Doesn’t it sound like a tongue-twister?

"They say that the flavor of the fruit is concentrated near the skin, but I wonder if that's really true? At the very least, with that being all I ate, my limbs didn't grow very quickly.

"Mommy and Daddy's wish had been completely fulfilled.

"They made their dreams come true.

"I had become a baby that didn't grow.

"I kept the weight I had when I was a newborn.

"Of course, I was chronically undernourished, which made me prone to illness, and I suppose I was more of a handful than most babies. Daddy was basically constantly at home, giving me treatment...

"Mommy turned me into her dress-up doll.

"She made tons of clothes for me. Clothes filled with love. I was like a mannequin... I was immobile, after all. I could move even less than a mannequin. I was capable of wriggling around in the cage, but I didn't want to waste my energy on something so pointless.

"You'd be on the right track if you said I was playing at being a statue.

"Have you ever felt like you might die just because you turned over in your sleep? It's thrilling and addictive.

"And since I was such a frail person, putting on Mommy's clothes was draining... The clothes must have weighed more than I did.

"Well, my name is Hagoromo, after all.

"It wouldn't be strange if I was light enough to fly... By the way, what kind of story is the legend of the hagoromo, again?

"A man found a heavenly maiden bathing in a lake in the forest, stole her robe of feathers hanging on a tree branch, and forced her to marry him if she wanted it back?

"Amazing. There's nothing but crimes there.

"I can't help but wonder if there was a baby born between the heavenly maiden and the voyeuristic, larcenous, and blackmailing man. I don't know how it ends, but I sincerely hope it's not, 'And so the family lived happily ever after.'

"Anyway, I grew up just like the name my parents gave me... A life like cloth, flimsy and light.

"To sum it all up.

"In a cage in the corner of the room, I survived as the doll of a baby, never growing up—for over twenty years."

031

"I reached adulthood while still a baby.

"To be honest, I'm surprised I didn't die. To think that I was a baby for longer than you've been alive, Araragi-kun—it's hard to believe.

"Sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream... And I want to wonder if I had actually been raised warmly in a happy family.

"By the way, although I said I'd reached adulthood, the age of adulthood is different in Switzerland compared to Japan. Moreover, I'm pretty sure they never filed a birth registration, so I surely wasn't even recognized as a person.

"At the very least, my neighbors hadn't been aware of my existence... Apparently, there are countries in which it's a crime if you don't report hearing a child's cries, but as mentioned before, I was an abused child who didn't cry.

"Daddy and Mommy. Their abuse was most likely made possible due to their strong bond and their cooperative attitude.

"However, it seems their opinions clashed when it came to how they wanted to educate me—and, as a result, it saved my life.

"But it was only as a result. The process involved me getting stabbed in the back, you see...

"Daddy wanted to make me a child prodigy.

"Mommy wanted me to remain as a fool.

"In other words, Daddy wanted me to be cute on the outside and smart on the inside, but Mommy wanted me to stay a baby on the inside as well... In reality, it wasn't so simply divided, and both of them probably had mixed feelings, but the basic attitude was that Mommy kept talking to me in baby talk, while Daddy tried to teach me the four languages of Switzerland.

"He was a doctor, so did he have a belief in education? Or maybe he was just infatuated with the baby genius archetype... The only exception to that strict 'no growth' policy was 'education'. Behind Mommy's back, that is.

"That 'education' eventually led me to my current job, but before that, one of the few things I'd been given was the ability to speak, which was what saved me. I'm sure that wasn't Daddy's intention, but children don't grow up the way parents want them to.

"No matter how much I suffered from malnutrition, I wasn't just in a daze for twenty years. No matter how much I thought being in a cage was completely natural, if I devoted myself to reading the example sentences for language-learning, I would end up learning what was outside the cage.

"There were even hints from listening to my parents' conversations... If I could understand the language, I could talk. And if I could talk, I could converse. And if I could converse, then I could persuade.

"I set my sights on Daddy.

"Thinking about it, I was a terrible daughter, to try and drive a wedge between her parents... But if their cooperation was the key to their success in concealing my abuse, then I had no choice but to destroy that partnership.

"I didn't think I could stop their abuse.

"But I did think I could make it end—it was about when I was a fifteen-year-old baby, or perhaps a little later. I began to beg my dad.

"'Please kill me,' I said.

"...I wasn't being serious. I was just trying to appeal to his conscience.

"Well, that's just what I'd like to say, but I probably was being serious. There was no doubt that I felt that I wanted Daddy to kill me if possible. That feeling was probably stronger.

"'If you love me, then kill me.'

"'Use that fruit knife to stab me.'

"'I don't want to be alive. I want to die.'

"Whenever Mommy wasn't around, I kept trying to appeal to Daddy... The process of persuasion wasn't very easy, and it took quite a long time, and I couldn't even say it was successful.

"But, about five years after I'd begun to say that.

"Daddy finally stabbed me in the back.

"His love was real.

032

"However, I didn't manage to die there.

"In fact, the one who died was Daddy.

"After discovering me with a fruit knife stuck in my back, Mommy became frantic and stabbed Daddy in the face, and so he died tragically.

"And after that, Mommy disappeared... Or should I say she fled? Since she concealed herself after killing her partner.

"Though I failed to get killed, I guess you could say I succeeded in destroying the bond between my parents... And so, staff members at Mommy and Daddy's workplaces visited the house, concerned about the two of them not showing up for work, and discovered Daddy's dead body.

"They also discovered me, on the verge of death... Well, I had always been a baby on the verge of death, but now, with a fruit knife stabbed in my back, it was a 'verge of death' easy for even a beginner to understand.

"For what it's worth, the only reason I survived was because of my malnutrition... Daddy, being a doctor, apparently aimed precisely for my heart, but apparently my heart was thinner than a normal baby's? It was teeny? So the blade of the fruit knife didn't even graze it.

"I wonder if it was good luck.

"I suppose the fact that it was from behind was another factor in his failure. If Daddy had had the guts to face me from the front, it surely would have been fulfilled.

"Both his aim and my desire.

"This isn't about the legend of the hagoromo, but since nobody knew the two of them had a baby, there was a huge uproar—or not.

"I was unconscious and in critical condition, and they couldn't get a read on the situation externally. They were also afraid that it would have too much of a negative impact on the public, so they kept it from reaching the news. Nowadays, it would be easy for that information to reach the Internet somehow, but back then, computers were not as common.

"Yes, that's how long ago it happened. If I were to be more specific, it would reveal my true age, so...

"And just like that, I was admitted to the hospital and placed on absolute bed rest—not just because I was stabbed, but because I was so skinny and tiny that they had no idea how I was still alive.

"Finally, some peace for me, who’d been peaceful nor quiet.

"From there, my life finally began. The life of a baby doll, who was far behind in the race—about twenty laps behind. And even though I wouldn't be able to catch up no matter how I struggled, my life still began.

"Days of nutritional intake and rehabilitation.

"It wasn't easy, but it was a lot more luxurious than being stuck in a cage and not being able to move. I wondered if it was okay to feel like I was slacking off so much every day.

"I'm truly grateful to everyone at the hospital that took care of me... Seriously, I even wanted to stay at the hospital permanently.

"It was probably the first time I'd ever met anyone besides Daddy and Mommy, but I wasn't a shy baby. And frankly, I wasn't in a position where I could care about the other person's personality or appearance.

"But, you see.

"Saying that I felt like I was slacking off was about ninety percent bluffing, but the reason I was able to press forward without getting discouraged was because I felt, 'I had to leave the hospital as soon as possible'—why, you ask?

"Well, that's because even though Daddy, who had failed to kill me, was killed—Mommy, who was the one to kill him, was still alive.

"So I had to escape.

"I had to run away from the runaway.

"I thought that Mommy would lock me up in a cage again... Or maybe she'd scold me for going against her love and growing up in a medical facility.

"It may sound strange, but I was more afraid of being scolded than being killed. After all, my mental age was that of a 'twenty-year-old baby'.

"If I thought about it calmly, I would have realized that there was no way Mommy, wanted for the murder of her husband, would come to me just because she knew I was alive. But it's hard to think calmly, isn't it.

"But maybe I was in more danger than I thought.

"Maybe the reason they never publicized Mommy's murder of Daddy and my survival was for my protection.

"A privacy policy that guarded you from your guardians was a theory a bit hard to accept... At any rate, I did my best to grow up in order to escape from Mommy.

"I kept thinking of places to escape to.

"At the very least, I had decided to leave Europe, but in the end I chose Japan because that's where Daddy and Mommy were from.

"It wasn't nostalgia.

"Having listened to their conversations, it seemed they'd either left their home countries because they couldn't stay there, or because they were sick of it. I figured that no matter where in the world Mommy escaped to, she wouldn't show up in Japan.

"...Although, if I were thinking calmly, I would realize it was shallow thinking.

"After all, because she'd run away from her home country in such a way, it was possible she'd make it her last resort.

"To be honest, I start to doubt myself. Maybe I really wanted to see Mommy again, and lay in wait in Japan, hoping that she'd come back to her home country?

"After failing to get killed by Daddy, did I want Mommy to kill me this time—or did I want to get revenge on her?

"Did I think that my life would truly be able to begin if that happened? Since I continued to write over my thoughts, I can't say for sure what my mental state was at the time.

"In the end, my true feelings remain a mystery, but I decided to go to Japan as if I'd been led there. After I was discovered, I had naturally been granted Swiss citizenship, but I had no intention of coming back and decided to obtain a visa to become a permanent resident in Japan.

"For that reason, I got married.

"Marrying for the sake of residency might sound like a sham marriage, but that wasn't what I did. What I did was much worse.

"Instead of a pretense, it was forgery.

"I picked out a man who met the requirements and submitted a marriage certificate with his name on it to the municipal office—there were various requirements that needed to be met, but in short, he needed to live in an environment where 'he wouldn't notice if someone registered his marriage without permission'.

"It wasn't an easy requirement, and it took a lot of investigation and research. In fact, I was almost caught several times and was forced to withdraw from my plans. But in the end, I was able to manage a man with the last name 'Iesumi' and successfully obtained the qualifications.

"Although it was a felony.

"Compared to that, falsifying my work history to sneak into a national university as a professor is almost cute.

"There's nothing you can't do if you're desperate, even if it's a crime.

"Of course, even my age was fraudulent. As stated above.

"It wasn't just making myself look younger for a career.

"Beyond that, all I did was lie. Since the lies began from my name, I had to lie in every aspect of my life. To live in this country, to live a normal life.

"After having lived in a cage, my second life had me enclosed in lies—I was living in a cage of lies.

"Honestly, I still don't feel like I'm alive.

"Sometimes I come to my senses and think, 'What in the world am I doing?' I wonder if this is what it feels like to be 'alive'.

"Or is this how it feels to be 'dying'?

"The meaning was uncertain. My life-death status was uncertain.

"At least I had been sincere when I was in the cage, interacting with Daddy, trying to get him to kill me.

"Those are my true colors. That's my true form.

"The true form of Associate Professor Iesumi, the professor you took classes from for half a year and then accepted a request from—but there was no true form in the first place.

"I was nothing but an illusion."

033

"I'm sure you've had the chance to look around the room, but no need to worry about that whole playing house. Although, I guess it's useless to say that now.

"But I'm sure you've figured it out by now. That was like a reenactment of my upbringing.

"Don't worry.

"I never once thought of 'that' as my real daughter, or even as a human being.

"I'm sure you're thinking of it as creepy, scary, or unsettling, but it was more or less the result of trial and error.

"Or a failure of trial and error...

"It was inevitable because of the paperwork, but I had to act like a married person, after all—I rented a family apartment and tried to simulate a typical Japanese family.

"At least, I tried... But the results weren't very good. All I ended up simulating was my past.

"I was just playing house, but it didn't go very well.

"I can even say that my parents did much better than I did. I didn't even last three years, let alone twenty.

"I created that 'daughter' with the intention of loving it properly, but in just two years, I couldn't love it at all.

"I stopped thinking of it as cute.

"As the size of the doll became less and less like a baby... I could no longer watch over its 'growth'. After a while, all I could think was, 'She used to be so cute'.

"Were Daddy and Mommy right?

"Were children cuter when they didn't grow up?

"And... Araragi-kun, did you look in the next room properly? Did you find 'my estranged husband'?

"It's no good if you overlooked it. In the future, you have to do more than what you are told.

"I'll confess that that was also, of course, my handiwork. As well as the recreation of the murder scene. Although the setting was not as elaborate as my daughter's room. I have to say, I'm not too happy with the way it turned out.

"On top of my 'daughter', I couldn't bring myself to love my 'husband'... Well, of course. Daddy almost killed me, and Mommy killing Daddy was basically my fault, so perhaps, towards the living thing called a 'father', I had... What was it called again? Something-or-other.

"Right, that. Trauma. PTSD.

"Well, in my case, it wasn't psychological trauma, but the usual, physical, trauma.

"With that in mind, perhaps what I was doing was not playing house or recreating the crime scene, but something like sandplay therapy?

"Though I wish I hadn't done it.

"I ended up starting to hate going home—that said, Araragi-kun, I didn't send you to my place because I wanted you to clean up my broken home.

"A teacher that forces a student to clean their house would get in big trouble.

"That wasn't it. I was trying to get you to report it. I wanted you to be an eyewitness. In other words, it was evidence.

"The kind of information only the real culprit could know.

"Combined with this letter, it should be enough evidence... I'm sorry for being so mean in the beginning. Even though I provoked you so much, the truth is that I don't think you won't be able to decipher this letter, Araragi-kun.

"There are plenty of good translation apps out there.

"I just wanted to buy some time. Until I could get away to a safe place—after that, I wouldn't mind having you publicize the letter.

"I'm not running away because I was caught abusing my daughter, and I'm not running away because I was caught abusing a handmade doll. It's not something so dramatic.

"Shamefully, it seemed that it would end up being found out—the series of frauds I committed, starting with the false marriage. While doing my usual self-check as a routine part of my lifestyle, I found some mistakes I couldn't recover from. Laws and management systems had changed before my very eyes.

"The trend of allowing foreign workers to live in Japan permanently is something that I truly appreciate, but for me, it's a few decades too late... Rather, it's that change in the wind that led to my crimes being exposed.

"I won't complain, though. It's a good thing, after all.

"I thought I had successfully exploited a loophole in the rules, but in the end, committing wrongdoings was bad. If I were to be found out, I'd get arrested. That's why I ran away.

"I hate to say this because it sounds like a joke, but I don't want to be confined in a cage anymore.

"I don't want to be deported back to my birthplace, where Mommy is probably still hiding, and most of all, I don't want to go back to being me.

"I don't want to give up the persona of Iesumi Hagoromo that I raised... Though I'm sure I made a mistake in raising that persona at some point.

"I'm attached to this name, like it's my own child.

"And so, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"The child is father to the man.

"Like Mommy fled after the crime she committed, I will also flee—and, Araragi-kun, I want you to deliver this letter to the police and tell them about my apartment.

"I know I said I'd give you the answer at the end, but I think you've figured it out by now. The reason I requested this of you.

"It was true that Oikura-san told me you were the greatest professional of child abuse among the students of Manase University, but that wasn't the deciding factor.

"It's because you're the son of the Araragi couple, the prefectural police's greatest human rights caseworkers—I'm sure you hate being told that, but you really should be proud of your fine parents.

"She never said so explicitly, but Oikura-san once got in contact with you for that very reason, didn't she? Through you, she wanted to skip all the complicated procedures and appeal to the top brass of the police.

"I thought I'd try to copy her.

"That's it! Was what I thought.

"I didn't have the guts to turn myself in, so I figured I'd ask Araragi-kun, who had the strongest connections, to help me. I wanted you to assist me, a liar, into becoming an honest person.

"For once, I wanted to walk down the path of sincerity—and I may have wanted to avoid Switzerland's image being tarnished as a result of my crimes being exposed. I wanted to make sure this was disclosed not as an international issue, but as a family matter.

"I may be a criminal, but I'm not a bad person.

"I'm just a bit pathetic.

"It's become a rather long letter, but now that I've foisted these fuzzy feelings like the stuffing of a doll onto you, I feel better now. I guess I should have done that from the beginning.

"I'll leave the rest to you.

"I'll run away where no one can reach me—because I'm Hagoromo, a robe of feathers. I may not be a heavenly maiden myself, but I'm sure I can fly. Like a piece of cloth, fluttering in the wind.

"Aah, it feels like I'm going to heaven."

034

"It feels like I'm going to heaven—since I tied things up with such an unnecessary statement, is that how you found me here?"

If so, I was way too negligent, and that's really pitiful of me—said Associate Professor Iesumi quite languidly, after we met for the first time in about a week.

I shook my head "no".

"To be honest, I haven't even read the letter properly yet."

"Then please read it. It's the letter left behind by a missing person, right? Even so, I didn't think it would be deciphered so quickly."

A testament.

That was not what Associate Professor Iesumi called it.

"Did you use an app?"

"No... Well, something like that."

Well, I wasn't going to tell her... The day of her disappearance, the letter she had left in her office had been discovered by me along with Meniko, who had accompanied me.

Not just four languages—she could probably speak over forty languages. Even I was surprised to find a college student who could speak Latin.

Even if it was a cryptogram mixed with Swiss German, Swiss French, Swiss Italian, and Romansh, it was nothing but a mental exercise for her... Well, she didn't have a lot of time on her hands because of club activities and stuff, so she thought it took quite some time, but it was still a lot speedier than me tackling it myself.

The translation may have ended up a bit light-hearted thanks to her, but that's something I could overlook...

"Didn't you think I'd hand the letter straight to the police, or maybe even the university?"

"I can tell just by your quiz results that you don't have the personality for something like that. Araragi-kun, you always try to fill in the answers to questions that you have no clue about, right? You don't like to turn in an answer sheet that's been left blank. You might rely on friends or apps, but I never once thought you'd relinquish a letter addressed to you without knowing what it said."

"...If you can profile me like that just from my quiz results, you really are a good teacher."

"Although I'm a fake. Can you answer my question? If you didn't read my letter, Araragi-kun, then how did you find me here? In other words, the place I disappeared to."

A little bear doll with an eyeball attached to it guided me here—but of course, I couldn't say something like that. Instead, I said this.

"Associate Professor Iesumi, don't you have a habit of throwing things you don't need onto the roof?"

"Eh?"

Associate Professor Iesumi looked at me with an expression of bewilderment—but, in fact, this was the university building's rooftop.

As soon as Ononoki-chan's familiar collided with the school building, it began to climb up the wall just like that... Free climbing. At first, I'd thought it pitiful that its creator had not bestowed upon it the wisdom to circumvent obstacles, but I soon realized—the one who lacked wisdom was actually me.

I was the most pitiful one.

I should've noticed earlier that Associate Professor Iesumi's office was located in said school building—and that the office was on the top floor, just like Room 333 of the apartment building.

A university professor who abruptly disappeared.

The office was empty, and nobody had seen her leaving the school building. She hadn't gone home, and she'd left her car behind—but maybe no one had searched the roof of the school building, which was naturally off-limits, right?

It wasn't so much as a blind spot as it was the first place you'd cross off the list, saying, "That can't be it"... The idea that she was holed up in her apartment was still more plausible. At least at home, she would have had a good living environment and would be able to order everything she needed online—whereas on the school building, there was no electricity or even running water.

She would have zero lifelines.

It was unsuitable as a hiding place or a place to flee to... But if she wasn't thinking about living or surviving, then it was a different story.

If she was just trying to escape.

If she was just trying to escape from this world—then the rooftop was the best place to do so.

"Did you think I'd jump to my death? I want to ascend to heaven. I don't want to fall to the ground."

Associate Professor Iesumi looked emaciated and gaunt—she was leaning against the fence, and didn't even look at me until I called out to her.

To be honest, I thought I hadn't made it in time and she'd become a Buddhist mummy... But she was still alive.

Though it was dim, her consciousness was still there.

"I'm good at living without drinking or eating. To the extent that that's the only thing I'm good at."

With the fence behind her back, that fence looked like it was part of a cage... It was as if she was still trapped. Trapped in the cage that her parents put her in.

But indeed, in this situation, there was no need to be afraid of her jumping off... I guess Ononoki-chan, who'd been on stand-by under the school building, wouldn't have her time to shine.

Incidentally, to prepare for any falling objects, Ononoki-chan had collected the eyeball from the little bear doll... This was because she wouldn't be able to catch anything without her sense of perspective. But it also meant that the little bear's life was much too short.

It would be a bit too arrogant to mourn its life, but even more so than its navigation to the rooftop, the fact that it was discovered on the rooftop of the apartment was more helpful in guiding me to this very location. So I couldn't help but be curious about its origin.

I'd acted like I hadn't read the letter properly, but the truth was that I had read it properly... There had been a point where she'd mentioned teddy bears, but she hadn't talked about this key chain itself.

From her reaction, it made me doubt whether or not it was something Associate Professor Iesumi even threw away... But, before that.

"In that case, would you like some water? Although it's carbonated."

"Hm?"

Associate Professor Iesumi strained to look.

She may have realized that the carbonated water had come from the trunk of her car, but she didn't say anything about it.

"I'll pass. If I drink water when I'm this hungry, I'll get refeeding syndrome."

That was her response—water shouldn't cause refeeding syndrome, but it was too heavy of a statement coming from someone who had experienced having water as her sole source of nutrition. But had I really just barely made it?

In fact, a considerable number of days had passed... As I recalled—the maximum length of time a person could go without eating or drinking was, yes, about three days.

Not to mention, it was the middle of summer, underneath the blazing sun.

There was no way I'd made it in time.

"No, no, you've done very well. Good for you. I'm sure your parents will be very proud of you. You've managed to capture a major criminal alive."

"...We can think about what to do later, but for now, why don't we get out of here? It's dangerous."

"Dangerous? Why?"

Because there might be a blanket coming to get revenge on you—or so I thought about responding, but I decided not to.

Since I managed to find Associate Professor Iesumi while she was still alive, it definitely hadn't been pointless, but after reading that deciphered letter, I realized it was a needless worry.

Surely, the Iie-chan doll had done nothing but escape—just as the mother had done from her mother.

That's right. Speaking of the letter...

"Sorry. From what I read of the letter, there's something I didn't quite understand... So was it you that stabbed the Iie-chan doll with the fruit knife, Associate Professor Iesumi?"

"Eh...? Stabbed what?"

For the second time, Associate Professor Iesumi looked bewildered... It wasn't that the term "Iie-chan doll" didn't ring a bell—it was as if she really didn't know what I was talking about.

I'd been thinking about adding onto that by asking who stabbed the father doll... But I guess I'll stop here.

In the letter, Associate Professor Iesumi confessed that she'd been the one to make the dolls, but she never wrote that she was the one to stab them.

The bear doll on the roof. The clothes that attacked.

The reason why there was no child seat installed in her car was because the existence of Iie-chan was false in the first place, and Associate Professor Iesumi's handiwork was limited only to her house... Though this major criminal had laid herself bare with this confession, there were still many mysteries left to be solved.

Not to mention, how much of the letter was actually true...? I didn't think that Associate Professor Iesumi was much of a liar, but there were quite a few things in there that didn't seem like they could be true.

But it wasn't my job to solve those mysteries.

All I could do was to fill in the answer sheet without leaving any blanks.

"Did I go wrong when I sought help from you, Araragi-kun?"

Associate Professor Iesumi, who was unable to stand up, spoke to me as I offered her a hand, but it sounded like she was talking mostly to herself.

Yeah, you could say that.

She'd mentioned in her letter that it wasn't her intention to ask me to clean things up for her, but as it turned out, instead of tidying up, I'd just about destroyed Associate Professor Iesumi's apartment and car as much as I could... If she had only listened a little more carefully to the rumors from my dear childhood friend, she would have realized that I was a completely undependable and lazy son.

So, even though in my mind I agreed with her wholeheartedly, I changed my mind, as if that wasn't it at all.

"No. You went wrong when you tried to die,"

I answered.

It was a compensatory answer that was unlikely to receive any extra credit.