#surely it’s gonna be things that someone half my age figured out already

[sodacowboy]

hearing people talk about things they learned in their 30s/40s/50s, things I’ve already learned before 25, definitely puts me in a weird headspace

[hminnj]

Unckuna/reader (he's very dear to my heart), mostly uncle nephew banter tbh, i needa get dividers lowkey, very short lil drabble

-

Sukuna thinks he's lost his mind.

He means it figuratively, obviously. But at this point he's sure he should've physically lost it already.

His nephew- of which he is currently babysitting- is currently on his couch, not a care in the world, half empty family sized bag of chips that was unopened not too long ago (fatface), kicking his feet like an adolescent boy in love, greasy fingers on the remote, and scrolling through youtube shorts on the tv???

Oh and worst of all he forgot to mention, the brat is wearing shoes.

The fact that he's even related to this thing makes him want to kill everyone else in the room and then himself.

"Itadori Yuji..." Sukuna seethes, it takes everything in him to not rip the brat's skeleton right out of his skin. He thinks it would be easy, if only a certain three people would let him (a shame, truly).

Yuji spares him a glance (the disrespect).

"Oh whats up unc"

"And what do you think you're doing?" The older of the two walks over and blocks the view of the tv, glaring down with his hands on his hips.

Yuji stares for a moment before opening his stupid food hole (as Sukuna describes it), "Have you ever seen that one meme, no one looks good from below? Well you're the version where they-"

Sukuna promptly picks him up by his foot, shaking him as a few chip bits fall off Yuji's shirt, "I literally just cleaned the house you freeloading fiend. Have you seen what a mess you've made?"

"You clean the house everyday you freak. Now put me down! I swear I was gonna clean up afterwards anyways." Yuji attempts to wiggle his way out of Sukuna's grip, he gets nowhere (predictably).

"Brat. You don't even know where the vacuum is, were you planning on picking them up one by one?"

"Ugh you're such a housewife, if I didn't know any better I'd assume you- MMM"

The sound of the code being put into the front door quickly stops Sukuna who shoves his free hand into Yuji's face, effectively shutting him up as well.

Sukuna grins when he sees you walk in, holding Yuji as if he were a first place catch for the annual bass fishing competition.

The sight makes you pause and contemplate your life decisions.

"Sukuna... put Yuji down, all the blood's rushing to his head."

Yuji is dropped immediately.

"OWWWWWWWW"

Your eyes trail around the living space and then back to the two children, "Does someone want to explain what's happening? And why there are shoe tracks in my house?" You make eye contact with your husband (who practically regresses 15 years in age when your nephew is around), he looks at you then uses his middle finger to point at Yuji.

Said boy, still recovering on the floor, whines, "Mann why can't I have a cool wine aunt and normal uncle?"

"Yuji if I were a wine aunt I wouldn't even be your aunt. Now are you gonna clean up this mess or should I make you?"

"On it! Whatever you say ma'am!" Yuji scrambles away after saluting and then pops back up from the hallway, realizing something crucial.

"Where are the cleaning supplies again?"

You sigh.

.

Yuji's finished with cleaning when he joins (intrudes, in Sukuna's words) you and his uncle on the couch, another episode of criminal minds running in the background.

You've changed from your work clothes into something more comfortable, snuggled into Sukuna's side as you start, "You know, if Spencer existed in real life I'd consider leaving you for him."

The tattooed man can only cringe in disgust at your behavior, "We're literally married, woman. You would leave me for that??"

He gives you and the tv an incredulous look. You can only giggle at his reaction, "You're like a child sometimes." His disapproval worsens, and you consider continuing to tease him but go with your better judgement (before he decides not to cook dinner, even though he always does anyways).

"I'm sorry hubby, forgive me?" Sukuna scoffs but accepts the affection anyways, he always does.

Yuji's voice interrupts the moment, "Ew you guys are so nasty (his parents are way worse), but speaking of children... when am I gonna get a cousin?"

The young boy can only watch as you two glance at each other then back at him, casually dropping an "Oh, Soon" then moving on completely. It takes him a second to process.

"WHAT."

-

unckuna my love

reblogs & comments are greatly appreciated :]

thank you for reading, have a blessed week

not fully proofread or edited

[needtotouchsomegrass]

Levi x Reader | Office au | smut | tw: 18+

Word count: 3k +

What would you do if you’re cold hearted, hot boss would walk in on you while playing with yourself in the office?……

tw: smut | sex | office sex | praising

It’s another Monday night at the office. I’m working late to make sure I’ll able to hand in that one sports article by midnight. All of my friends and colleagues have left already to be with their families and friends.

No one’s waiting for me, so I can definitely pull a night shift. Won’t be able to push this article further anyways. Boss would get super mad.

I sigh rubbing my temples. It’s only 09:35pm and I still got about 2000 words to write. Ugh. I hate this job - I don’t - I hate the fact that I procrastinate until I’m so stressed out I don’t get anything done.

I sigh again feeling the wetness between my legs. I have been sitting here all day. My thighs rubbing against each other.

It’s been some time since I’ve slept with someone. After my stupider ex fiancé left me for someone half my age I haven’t felt the confidence to go out and meet new people.

I’m too old for that anyways. Turning 35 in October means it’s time to get a dog - a golden retriever for sure.

I sigh. 09:38pm.

I move my hips from side to side , grinding back in forth in my chair to loose up my back and legs. Gosh I need Sex! I close my eyes intensifying my movements until I feel myself getting wetter.

I take a look around the office - no one’s here. That means no one’s gonna know too. It’s just me. By myself.

I get up from my desk and walk along the hall. Some coworkers tend to need space from their desks every now and then so my boss got us spare rooms where we can hang out and relax to get a clear mind before returning to work.

Entering one of the rooms I close the door. Exhaling loudly I lean against it with my back.

Is this a good idea? Should I really do it here? Well, who’s gonna stop me? Jesus? No!! Man never existed.

I set myself down on one of the free desks standing around, leaning against it with my back, letting my hands slide over my body. Grabbing my boobs. Damn I have wonderful tits. My ass ain’t that bad either.

My head falls back while my hands run along my curves.

I close my eyes sliding my hand in between my skin and underwear. A gasp leaving my mouth as I realize how wet I am, feeling it literally drip down my folds.

I massage my tits as I run my fingers along my wetness. My bottomlip trembling.

My fingertips circle my clit having me legs shudder. I push a finger in and moan, not able to hold myself back any longer. Having something inside me after such a long time feels heavenly.

A second finger. Just the right length to hit the spot that’s driving me crazy.

I start pushing in and out of myself consistently at a quicker pace, gaining wet sounds from my pussy.

This feels too good to be true.

My head falls back. The air getting hotter and thicker around me as I keep hitting my weak spot.

Suddenly the door opens making me halt in all of my movements.

I squeeze my eyes shut not able to face the person entering. Shit shit shit. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself”, a deep male voice. Footsteps edge closer to where I’m standing, glued to the desk, hands still on myself

He must be standing right in front me now. I can smell his perfume. Woody, clean.

I feel the table shift on both of my sides , “that’s quite the nasty thing to do in my office”, he’s so close I feel his breathe on my nose. There’s a heat radiating of him.

Did he say his office??! It can’t be, can it?

I open my eyes and meet my boss’s gaze. His steel blue eyes staring in mine.

They’re really pretty up close.

My eyes widen as I realize what situation I’m in.

His tall, brought figure leaning above me. His shirt half unbuttoned, eyes deep , breathe as heavy as my own.

“Sir I -“, I try to explain as he presses bis lips onto mine. His hands slide around my waist pulling me against him. Hand gripping one of my ass cheeks as his tongue meets mine, having me moan into his mouth.

His lips leave mine and travel along my throat and collarbone.

“You’re wearing too much”, he whispers before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the ground.

His eyes wander across my body. Something in his gaze seems impressed.

He cups my breast with his hand, mouth sucking and biting on my nipple. I wrap my arms around his neck, running my hands through his ash black hair.

His tongue wanders up my body again. I moan as he continues to suck and bite on my sensitive skin.

He backs away, lips plump and red, cheeks flushed, hair messy.

I try to catch my breath to ask if there is something wrong. Except for literally what we’re doing right now.

I gasp as he lifts me up setting my down in top of the desk, towering over me.

He pushes my legs open, skirt further up, before kneeling down.

“Oh god, no!”

I place my hands in front of myself realizing what he’s about to do.

He furrows his brows giving me a questioning look.

“What’s the matter?” “I - ugh you can’t just do this.” “Why?” “It’s wrong. You’re my ….boss.”

His hands cup my ass while he’s still kneeling between my legs.

He chuckles. Obviously finding this while chaos way more entertaining than I am.

“You’re Right. I am your boss. That means you do what I say. And right now I want you to take your pretty little hands out of my way.”

His voice is deep and raspy but yet calm and collected.

My heart beats faster in my chest.

I move my hands to my sides looking away to avoid his gaze.

He chuckles again. This time darker and more to himself.

His hands wrap around my thighs keeping my legs opened.

I feel his breath on me as his face moves closer to where I’m aching the most.

A loud gasp leaves my mouth as his tongue runs along my inner thigh before leaving a hickey right next to my entrance - where the skin is the most sensitive.

He’s slow and tentatively getting closer to my cunt as if to find out what pleasures me.

My head falls back as he licks a long my folds. So slowly that I can’t help but arch my back trying to get away. Too bad that his grip on my thighs is so tight it won’t let me move an inch - probably gonna be bruised tomorrow thanks boss.

His tongue starts to move faster, circling around my clit. “Ugh please no - ah”.

I hear him chuckle, feeling his smile against my skin.

He gets up to his feet gaze locked on me as he loosens his belt.

“You’re a mess y/n”, he grins.

He’s right. Even though I can’t see it I can feel how turned on I am.

I watch him getting rid of his belt, veins showing on his hands as he does it.

He inches closer, standing between my legs.

“I need your consent.”

I meet his eyes. They’re sincere with a dark spark in them.

“Mr. Ackerman, I’m all yours for tonight.”

He chuckles, showing his dimples.

God this man is attractive. How did I never notice?

“Levi”, he says. “Alright Levi”, I say with a smirk on my face “you have my consent.”

And with that his lips crash into mine as if I’d just released a wild animal. His hands everywhere, making sure to touch every part of my body.

His hand slides into his boxers pulling out his length.

He aligns himself with me, his hand cupping my cheek as his eyes lock onto mine.

I give him a short nod before his pushes himself inside me.

My head falls back, lips parting as he slides in deeper and deeper. His hands placed on my waist keeping me steady. He’s cursing to himself. Cute.

He inches closer and closer until he’s fully buried inside me. He holds still one hand moving up to my cheek again.

“Breathe. You okay?”

My eyes closed I feel myself stretching around his cock.

He’s huge. Holy fuck. I feel full.

“Hm”, I nod my eyes watery.

“Y/n it’s gonna stop to hurt.”

He starts to move slowly in and out having me moan with each thrust.

I bite my lip as he starts to do it faster. Soon the pain fades into pleasure.

Levi’s found a pace that does both of us well.

His lips find mine again as I wrap my arms and legs around him. I need this man. God how much I need him.

His trusts get rougher and deeper hitting every single spot possible.

My eyes water, emotions uncontrollable as his skin slaps against mine, both out breaths heavy. The air getting thicker and hotter around us.

Everything a blur.

“Levi I - fuck”, I breathe earning another grin from him.

His lips find my neck for the millionth time as he switches the pace to something more slow yet forceful.

I moan into his mouth every time he pushes his full length inside my dripping cunt.

He grunts.

He’s getting closer too.

Levi holds my legs up having me kay flat on the desk.

Is squeak as he slaps my ass.

His gaze meets mine, eyes dark, smirk playing around his lips as if he’s planing something.

My eyes roll back as he thrusts back inside my already well-fucked pussy. This time going even deeper and faster.

A tingling sensation builds up un my stomach growing with each of his thrusts.

My breath gets quicker, my hands holding onto the edge of the desk. Knuckles white.

His thrusts get rougher having me bite my lip, holding onto dear life.

I get closer and closer to the edge until it hits me.

My eyes roll back and my back arches as the orgasm washes over me. “Ugh fuck”, Levi groans as my walls squeeze him tight. He keeps going, my legs shaking in front of his chest.

I feel my cum dripping down between my ass cheeks. Whimpering with each trust. Tears forming in my eyes.

Levi continues to fuck me senseless until the feeling builds up again.

This time much more intense.

He places a soft kiss on my leg.

“Cum for me again princess.”

His thrusts get sloppier, faster and deeper having me moan his name with each one of them.

“Levi I -“, I gasp as he bottoms me out, twitching inside me. Head buried in the crook of my neck.

My back lifts off the desk again as another wave of satisfaction crashes into me. My vision blurry as tears form my eyes.

Levi whispers something I’m not able to hear due to the overstimulation hitting me.

He pulls out, my legs falling limp to both of my sides. Muscles to weak to keep them up any longer.

I exhale loudly heart pounding in my chest.

Levi chuckles standing between my legs. His eyes hover over my body as if he were an artist taking a look at his work.

“Y/n you’re beautiful.”

He helps me sit up. Holding me steady as my body adjusts to the position.

He cups my cheek gently wiping away one of the tears. Happy tears. I-just-had-really-good-overwhelming-sex tears.

“Y/n you’re a beautiful woman and I’d be stupid to let anyone fuck you like that other than myself.”

The end :) hehe

⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ♡

[thegirlnextdoorssister]

You can run but you can’t hide: Chapter 1: Soulmate

(Soft!Dark! Soulmate AU)

Summary: Lloyd Hansen had been told from a young age that he’ll one day find his other half. What they didn’t tell him was that not everyone was as excited as him to find their other half.

Soft!Dark!Lloyd Hansen x Reader

Warnings for the series: noncon/dubcon, rape? just to make sure, age gap, manipulation, sex used as punishment? edging? soft!dark! gonna give you whiplash, forced breeding, breeding kink, language, violence, blood, past abusive/toxic relationship

Warnings for this chapter: language, allusion to past toxic/abusive relationship

A/N: Buckle up, that’s all I have to say. This chapter is a short one.

As always MINORS DNI

Divider by @maysdigitalarts

18+ only and consent banners by @maysdigitalarts

Chapter 1: Soulmate

Soulmate.

What’s a soulmate?

Someone who you’re destined to be with. Someone who completes you. Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. I don’t need a soulmate to complete me or for them to control me. My mother was better off without one. 

My mother’s soulmate, my father, they were in love-wait no, my mom was in love. She would have done anything for him and she did, she still wasn’t enough in his eyes. 

Yeah, I wish never to meet my soulmate. I’ve seen firsthand what a soulmate can do to you, the person who’s supposed to “love and protect you”. What my parents had would never be love. 

That’s why when I had the chance I fled and never looked back, now 5 years later, I’m happy as can be. I’m alone and happy.

I just have to move to a new town since I've been here for 7 months already. That's not what I normally do, usually, I stay for about 5 months and then on to the next town since it’s unlikely to meet your soulmate or anyone when you just go to 3 places-hotel, a job, a store. It’s been the perfect set-up for the past 5 years. 

I don’t have much stuff, so that makes it easier to move from place to place. I’m still packing everything inside my car. 

“Just you, me, and the open road”, I tapped the roof of my car after putting the last of my things inside. I never felt anything during any moves before but this time I felt my heart beating abnormally fast, fear maybe? but of what I don’t know.    

Getting inside the car, I take a deep breath before starting the engine. What type of job would I find this time? bartender? waitress? A dog sitter?  Hopefully my boss this time isn’t a perverted asshole, god just thinking about my time working at the retail store makes my skin crawl. I need to listen to some music.

The sound of Love Her Madly by The Doors playing filled the air in the car.

Don’t you love her madly?

Wanna be her daddy?

Don’t you love her face?

Don’t you love her as she walkin' out the door? 

Like she did one thousand times before

I hope she got out of there alive, that is if his love hadn’t killed her already. He was the reason I left not her but that was the price to pay, either I stayed and get punished or run away and survive. I felt the cool air cares my skin as I rolled down my window. The smell of fresh air, sweet sweet freedom.

«5 hours later»

Welcome to Âme soeur

French, huh? That's weird, I had no idea that there were little French towns. I should look up the meaning of it. I should make a rest stop, I've been driving for hours and I feel like sleeping. So I guess Âme soeur it is. Now time to find a motel but it doesn’t look like there are any buildings close by. It looks completely abandoned. Ghostown. Spooky. 

Ahh…finally a motel. Not the best looking but it's a motel what do you expect? Getting out of the car, the air felt different, heavy. After locking the car, I made my way to the front desk. A girl wearing the motel uniform sat at the front desk. She had charcoal-colored hair and the dullest blue I'd ever seen. A wall of room keys was behind her.

“Hello, do you have a room available?”, I asked. She just stared at me, like she was trying to figure me out. 

“We just have one available”, she plainly said typing away on the computer. She truly looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. “Ok, I’ll take it”, I smiled. She turned to get my room key, and that's when I saw it, for a split sec, a mark on the back of her neck but she turned back just as quickly. Weird. She handed me the room key. As took the room key, she stayed silent. I left with a quick “bye”, I got to my car and opened the trunk to get my things out. I felt goosebumps on the back of my neck, and my bag fell from my hand as I touched the back of my neck. I looked around but shook it off and picked up my bag and the air felt somehow heavier than before. I looked for my room key to see the room number. My heart stopped. 

Room 222.

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[stonemags]

SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.5 Champagne problems

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: Keeping your promises can be hard if you are being challenged on them all the time. You try to keep your face straight and enjoy one free evening, but are any of your evenings actually free? What are your actual feelings towards people around you? You can't figure it out if you won't stop to think about it.

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, mensplaning, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass. 

Word count: 9612

A/N: I appreciate everyone's patience. I hope you will enjoy this chapter just as much as I do. Thank you for all the comments. It really helps to get a new perspective on things and really motivates me to keep going. Big thanks to my amazing friend, this series wouldn't be here without you @charturnus. And big thanks to my forever judge of the chapters @sweetixsblog!

The flat is just a quick stop for both of you, and it's no surprise it's empty. At this time, everybody is probably already at Carol's house. After this emotional load of today you wish you could stay home, relax, unwind the stress, but promises were made, and you are not someone who breaks them. You tell Kate to take a shower first, and you go to look into Darcy's room for both your costumes. Nicely put dresses take you off guard but as you see just as beautiful a three part set for you with pants you take a breath in. You slowly touch the fabric, taking in the view. Kate will look incredible in hers. It's bigger than you thought but looks so light with the volume of it. The colour is lavender, and it's going to brighten Kate's face so much, the corset is black which is matching to yours, and it's going to be an amazing contrast to her bright look. 

“It's beautiful” You turn around at the sound of your friend's voice. She is standing by the door, covered just by the towel waiting for her primer to dry, so she can finish her makeup. 

“Yes it is. And you are going to look incredible in it, sweetheart.” You tell her and move to the side to let her see the dress in its all glory. 

“I was talking about yours, but I think we both will steal some glances after being so fashionably late.” She puts a tender hand on your shoulder, looking deeply into your eyes, trying to read your emotions of your irises as you are hiding something from her. She had this feeling all day. In moments like those, you are also wondering if you are hiding something from her, or yourself. You put a strand of her hair gently behind her ear so as not to disturb the primer in any way and when you are about to answer, your phone starts to ring. You pick it up, being sure it's Darcy calling to hurry you up, because no texts and no phone calls all day is a weird behaviour for her. Furthermore, you are grateful for the space she gave you and Kate, but it's 9pm, and you probably should head that way already. 

“Hey, we are getting ready and…..” You cut mid-sentence, making Kate look at you, quizzingly.

“No I…. Okay I understand but I can't right now. “ You look at her, a few lines appear on your forehead. Your voice sounds distressed and it shakes a little. 

“No…. The answer is no, I helped you enough for now.” You start pacing the room. Whoever is on the other side of it is definitely stressing you out, and Kate can see it. 

“HOW MUCH?” You didn't mean for it to come out so loud, but it ripped out of you. Right now, you know, Kate has questions. One hand is holding the phone while the second is in your hair, looking like you are going to pull all of it out in a second. 

“I'm sending you half of it. I don't have any more right now, and I also have to eat. I'm sorry….. Well, I'm sorry you are disappointed…. Sucks for both of us, I guess.” With that, you hang up a phone and take a breath in. You quickly type something on your phone and as you put it down Kate can see that you are really trying to figure out something, battling with yourself, she just can't figure out what it is about. She slowly closes the distance between you, searching for your eye contact. 

“Yn is everything okay?” You smile at her, and Kate hates it. As much as you know her, she learned a thing or two about you too, and this fake demeanour pisses her off. 

“Yeah …. Yes, it's just a client of mine not happy with his essay. He is going to pay me less.” 

“Oh.” It really didn't seem like it, your reaction was far too strong for some boy to put you off like that. As much as Kate tries to sympathise with you, she never struggled with money, so it really doesn't seem like a big deal for her, for you on the other hand every unplanned loss of money is a big hit. Kate decides to leave the topic and start collecting things to dress up and finish her look, letting you go to take a shower. 

“Kate?” She looks at you. 

“Can we take your car? I don't have money for a cab right now, and I'm not drinking, so I thought… I'm going to give you gas money back after the pay cheque if you are okay with that.” Kate smiles at you as if you are dumb, but this time in a cute way.

“Mom filled up the tank, so you don't have to give me any money back, and I actually wanted to ask you if you can drive, you are not drinking and being able to leave at any moment we want is a blessing.” This is exactly what you needed to hear, that's how you know it's not true, but you appreciate every moment when your friends are trying to make you feel safe and secure around them. As much as the phone call just added to the mental load, it's something you will have to take care of later, now you don't have time.

It takes both of you an additional 30 minutes to get yourself ready and start driving to the location. You can never get used to the way Carol's house looks like, her main house, you might add. You never thought that you would even have a chance to surround yourself with wealthy people, not talk about being friends with them. As you drive through the gate and park the car in order for both of you space, you take a quick look at the changes in Carol's garden. It's not too overloaded with greenery but the natural bushes creating a path to the entrance is something you fell in love with, the first time you visited her with Darcy. It's a little different at the moment, and you are grateful for that. Added lanterns in the ground help you and Kate find your way on a cold November evening. You hold Kate's arm under yours, soothing her hand to calm down her nerves, or maybe yours, as much as you don't think there is anything you should be stressed about you don't feel at peace. There is a vivid thought about Natasha and Wanda in your head, but you let it go past you as you hear Kate ring the doorbell. You can feel the vibration of music under your feet, it's surprising because to be honest you can barely hear it from outside. As the door opens up you expect Carol to be on the other side of it, you are surprised to be greeted by the waiter, who lets you in by giving each of you a glass of champagne in matching glasses. You always feel bad correcting any workers, you know how it is to be in their place, so you don't say anything. Glass looks amazing in your hand, reflecting all the lights in the room, bright enough to give you a headache at the end of this evening. 

“YN! , KATE!” you hear Maria's voice coming from the opened dancing space. She runs to hug you both and just in time you put down the champagne, avoiding any of it landing on your, well not yours but probably expensive clothes. 

“You. Both. Look. Incredible.” Maria makes sure to punctuate every single word. She loosely holds yours and Kate's hand in hers. You grab it harder and slowly spin her around. 

“Look at you! You look amazing.” She really does, the whole dress up concept suits her so much, she looks like taken straight out of Bridgethones.

As Maria puts her focus on Kate for a second, asking her how she feels and when did you both go, giving her a second glass at the same time, you take your time to drift off away for a second. Carol's interior design feels like visiting a museum in the best sense of it, but this time she has outdone herself. All the details to bring everybody straight into the new world make it all work together with her natural look of the house. The big living room is turned into a dancing floor. A big piano at the side of it gives amazing contrast to the size of this space. Kitchen is opened only for the staff, and you respect that, sitting area have new pillows and added decorations like tones of fresh flowers with almost overwhelming smell and red carpets as a 

guide to the bathrooms and balcony for people that want to smoke or just take some fresh air. Even waiters have their own costumes. Most of the work makes live music. It's amazing, and you can't wait to let yourself fall into it, watching the orchestra play relatively new music in a classical way. You are in awe how amazing everything is prepared. 

You chose a nice place for yourself a little bit more on the side, halfway to the first floor, where lights are dimmed. High ground is something you enjoy, it opens many more possibilities to observe. Also, you are harder to reach and that gives you the upper hand, literally. Darcy and Carol walk around still talking to some businessmen and other high hierarchy people. You can tell by the way they try to charm their way to Carol's ass, so desperate for her to choose them, that it's funny. You are still worried about Kate, so you follow along with your eyes in red carpet paths to find her in the crowd. She stands at the bar, drinking her, you hope, still second glass of champagne, her eyes are fixated on something, really focused on one space, or person. As you follow her line of sight, you see Maria dancing with an elegant woman who you remember as Pepper. Kate looks almost jealous, and you can't figure out about which one of them. As all your friends are located, you let yourself drown in thoughts about everybody around, who is the most shitty person in the room, who is the drama at the bottom of the stairs about and why the hell someone allowed this dude in sweats even come in here. Just as the thought flew through your mind, you saw a security guard pull the guy outside. You started laughing to yourself about the situation when someone interrupted your peace. 

“Would you like something to drink, ma’am?” The waiter asks you politely, and you swear to god you will never get used to people calling you ma’am.

“Non-alcoholic beer please and thank you.” With a nod, he leaves you once again to yourself. 

It takes him just a second to bring it back, service is incredible as always at this type of event. You go back to your favourite thing, looking around and as much as you don't care about two redheads, more worried about them annoying you all evening, you can't help but notice them at the edge of the bar. Wanda wears an incredible deep red dress that fully matches the colour of her lips, all her accessories are black though and as you look a little to her right you can see why, right next to her Natasha wears a black suit with red accessories. They are fully matching to each other, and you can't help but smile to yourself. It's nice to see this kind of energy between them. Natasha’s hand leaning on the small of Wanda's back, Wanda's hand reaching, in any moment they are alone, to hold her wife close. They both stand there with a glass of wine, from time to time talking to some important looking man, maybe clients as you assume. You are invested in observing them, probably a little too invested, because you didn't realise that you finished your beer that fast. You look for some place to put it down, but no waiters are around you right now, so you go back to leaning over the smooth, shiny handrail, trying to land your sight back on two women, unfortunately you find their spot empty. Searching through the crowd, you turn right, just to bump into someone standing really close to you. Bump is actually a light choice of words. You fully went into that person just to bounce back, and if it wasn't for their hand catching you, you would surely fall. These two seconds of you almost falling is enough to notice a strong grip on your waist, fingers digging into your skin in a protective manner. To catch some balance, your hand shoots up to grab whoever is in front of you by the side of their jacket with your right hand and the handrail with your left.  You pick your head up, and you see Natasha looking down at you, with Wanda on her left side holding you by your shoulder to also prevent you from stumbling back. The woman you went into has this sickening smirk on her face, and you would love to wipe it off, but you promised your friend to be nice, maturity it is. 

“I apologise, I didn’t see you there.” You say politely as you move out of their reach, placing your hand from Natasha’s jacket to her chest, pushing lightly to create a comfortable space between you. 

“Don't worry, sugar, we got your back.” Words spill out of her smirking lips, as her hands still linger in proximity to your body, and you need to compose yourself for a second. Don't be a bitch, you think to yourself, trying to keep your sarcasm at bay. Maybe honesty will be a good way of dealing with it, so you decide to try it. You clear your throat before speaking, a little too theatrical. 

“If you don't mind-’’ you start, but the waiter moves next to you, so you take the chance and put your beer bottle down on his tray, trying not to ruin his balance, before you continue. 

“I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Go ahead, we don't bite.” This time, Wanda is speaking, and you need to remind yourself to not fall for her warm voice. Her hand did not move from your shoulder, so you decided to gently grab her wrist and physically remove it from yourself. Her skin is soft, softer than you thought, her body is hot which is not surprising with so many people around, and the heating on. As a part of her makeup, she used body mist that smells like roses, and sparkles in the bright lighting of the room. Some of it stays on the tips of your fingers, and you tell yourself to not touch an expensive outfit that you have on, worrying it might ruin it. She gets the idea and actually looks kind of guilty of not letting you go herself after you moved back. 

“What's up with the pet names?” They look confused, but you don't mind clarifying. Always willing to go the extra mile if that means that people will leave you alone. 

“You saw me… hm… let's see…3 times in your life, you know basically nothing about me, except the things my friends said about me, and for some God knows what reason you feel comfortable enough to call me all kinds of pet names. I just find it weird. What makes you feel so comfortable?” It's funny, the picture in front of you. Two mature, adult and powerful women being taken aback with honesty and putting down boundaries, at least that's what it looks like to you. 

“We didn't think you would be against it. Nobody ever was.” Natasha lowered her voice, sounding really confident, which is not fitting for what you read off of her facial expression. Her brows furrowed in confusion and her lips without a smirk, which is not a usual view. 

“It's meant to be sweet, heart-warming, and usually it makes beautiful women like yourself feel special.” Wanda adds to her wife's statement, providing a little bit more of their point of view. 

“Usually.” You throw under your breath, not being able to catch your bitchiness at bay before your mouth betrays you. Your arms are crossed on your chest, not knowing how to stand or act in front of them. They make you nervous, and you don't enjoy the way your senses are tingling when you are with them. With the goosebumps on your forearms, the muscles on your back tightening, and your fingers twitching, your anxiety is up through the roof.

“Actually, yn, I find it weird that you don't like it. Why does it make you so uncomfortable? You are a beautiful, funny, creative woman, whose company we really enjoy.” Natasha gets a little bit closer to you, her hands lightly trying to reach you, get a chance to touch you again, just being close is all she wants. Pulling any physical reaction out of you gives her information that you yourself are not even aware of. She is really observant of your breathing, how your chest rises when they are close and as careful she tries to be with you, she is sure this is not hatred talking through your body. All of those signs tell her that you crave them, that you are attracted to them. That's what those reactions always meant to them, so it has to mean the same thing, right? 

“You see baby, we would love to get to know you a little bit more, but you seem to run away a lot from us. Do we make you nervous?” Wanda is still on your right side, her voice reaches your ear, and you swear to God you can feel the hair on the back of your neck standing up, ugh. Her hand moves smoothly, closer to your arm, the tips of her fingers drawing a pattern on your forearm, leaving a shiny trail behind and as your arm flexes under her touch, you are trying to think of an excuse to move out of their reach. 

“No!” You answer her question, probably a little too harshly and too loud. You step back, your body is covered in goosebumps making you feel nervous, cornered and not safe with them. Your arms flex with worry, and you cross them on your chest, informing them that there is a line that you won't allow them to cross. At the same time, your mind is trying to come up with any way to make them feel that you won't let them overpower you, anything to show them that you are not someone to be played with. 

“Do I make you nervous, Wanda?” This is the first time you called her by her name, and her eyes widened at the sound, only now realising that she feels much closer to you, than you actually are. It barely happens to her or her wife to feel a connection with people and for both of them to put that much interest in somebody, at the same time. Because of that there is so much need to understand what makes you… well you. The way your friends speak about you, the things they know, and they don't know, and how much of a saint you actually are. This is all Wanda can think about since she saw you at the coffee shop. This is all Natasha is talking about since her wife pointed you out, drinking coffee at a couple of tables next to them, with the most focused look they ever saw on someone. This is not something they are willing to lose, not when it took them so much time to find it. They were on countless dates, dinners, and one-night stands. All girls are similar to each other, most of them not even trying to hide the fact that they are only interested in their money. This doesn't bother them that much, but they decided it's not what they want. The fact is that Natasha and Wanda don't look for a sugar baby, but more of an actual addition to their relationship, someone who will make them feel more whole. Wanda is more patient about getting to know you, trying to make you like them or at least giving them a chance, Natasha on the other hand is impatient, she wants you now, in every way imaginable. Just as Wanda is about to nod at your question, her wife is speaking again, challenging you to reveal what you really think about them, but more in an inflated ego way. 

“Please yn, we can see how you act around us, how you squeeze your palms to control yourself, how you shiver when we are close, how you bite your lips at our every compliment.”

“Yes… yes, you are right. I need to bite myself to not be an ass to you. I promised Carol I would try, I squeeze my palms because I wanted to punch you at least 3 times in the last 5 minutes and I shiver because none of you respect any personal space, and it gives me high level anxiety, I would literally rather be in a metal cage in the middle of the ocean surrounded by starved sharks, profoundly bleeding.” Your face shows anger with every line appearing on your forehead, you step closer to Natasha, trying to make her understand that she plays the wrong game here, that you are nervous around them because…. Because they are…. They just….. You are…. Not sure why, and it just hit you. Why would you be, they are not trying to harm you, they are being obnoxious, but that shouldn't make you feel so emotional. This time Wanda is speaking and her voice is so much softer and calmer than Nat's.

“I don’t think you hate us, yn. I think you really want to, but you don't. Let us get to know you, let us show you who we are, and then decide. Give us a chance.” Her hair falls softly on the side of her face, her smile gracefully invites you into her idea, you want to listen to her, and you almost do. 

“Exactly, yn, we all know that you would fold for us if we wanted to.” You go straight back to the ground after Natasha's comment. A smirk appears on your face as your eyes meet hers. 

“You are so full of yourself. If the whole world is at your feet, then why can’t you find anyone suitable. If you are so confident, why won't you make me fold for you…. Sugar.” With each word, you get closer to her, close enough to look up at her eyes and put a finger at her chest as if it proves your statement. She is a little taller than you, and you look so innocent and sweet from up close. Her jaw is tight, her eyes fixated on you, and she fights with herself not to reach out for you. But Natasha sees more than you are aware of. She sees the way your breath shakes when you lock your eyes with hers. She sees how your body leans to the right when her wife is standing, witnessing the dynamics between you two. Before any of them can react to your comment, Maria comes to your rescue, pushing her way through two women,

“Yn, I need you.” Your friend whines while pulling your arm around her waist. Her face is red, her dress is creased, and she is out of breath. As a good support, you immediately follow her thinking that something happened, leaving two redheads behind, without a second thought. She doesn't ask about what she just witnessed, and you are so grateful for that. You let Maria drag you to the middle of the dance floor, basically making you dance with her because Pepper got tired. You don't blame her, Mia can be a lot sometimes, but that's exactly why you love her, you let music take over and find pleasure in the rhythm as music got a little bit more current style. Lost in having fun with Maria, none of you notice the rest of the group watching you carefully from the resting area. Wanda and Natasha joined Darcy and Carol on the couches, and Pepper brought some drinks over to them. Kate sits close to them but is too shy to attend the conversations. Alcohol is slowly making her loosen up, but it's still not the time. 

“Carol-” one of the red heads calls for her, taking her attention off of Darcy on her lap.

“Is there something between Maria and Yn?” Natasha asks boldly, not even trying to hide her motive. 

“Actually, I would also like to know.” Pepper chimes in, clearly showing her interest in your friend, she even sounds a little jealous. Darcy opens her mouth to speak but stops herself before it's too late. In this kind of social situation, energy between her and Carol shifts. In public, it's still held in some slow movements and gentle whispers between them, but as the house slowly clears up, only few groups left, they get more and more comfortable with their dynamics. Darcy knows that she should ask permission to speak before talking to her partner's friends, so she waits for her cue. Carol squeezes her thigh and gives her non-verbal permission to answer.

“Yn and Mia were always close, they have known each other a long time now, and sometimes I think they can read each other like a book. There is for sure some sexual attraction between them, but I don't think even they are aware of it. But to answer your question, there is nothing going on between them other than friendship.” Carol takes Darcy's hand into hers, reassuring her that she did good. 

“Hm, thank you, sweetheart.” Pepper hums and takes a long sip from her drink, finally taking her eyes off of the dance floor. 

“And you-” she stands up, her dress flowing behind her when she does, to add volume to her outfit. She moves to the couch in front of her, occupied just by Kate, and sits beside her closer than socially acceptable. Her arm follows the back of the couch, dangerously close to Kate's face. 

“I know you, don't I? I think we met last week at a meeting with Eleanor Bishop.” Kate’s eyes widened at realisation and fear. Her mother doesn't know anything about people around her, and Kate would like it to stay that way. 

“I… yes, Eleanor is … my mother, I believe we discussed cooperation between our companies.” How Kate keeps her face straight is a mystery, Pepper definitely intimidates her and after seeing her dancing with Maria and now trying to get to know her, she is at least confused about her own emotions. Today was a hard day for her and wanting to just let loose, mixed with alcohol, gives her enough courage to fall into the casual conversation with a beautiful older woman. 

The house is emptying more and more with every minute, it's crazy how many people can fit in here. Everybody falls into light conversions and loosen up after a long party, which is unfortunately a big part of their job. Carol and Darcy are in their own world as usual, Wanda is giggling with her wife about some comment she just said, but when Maria comes back and takes her place next to Pepper and Kate joining in their conversation, Natasha immediately looks for you on the dance floor. You are standing next to the balcony, a few minutes of fresh air can do wonders on your anxiety. It's a cold and bright night. Moon is fully out, brightening up the garden, making it look mysterious and scary, mainly in a good way. A minute to yourself is something you have been praying for since you got here, you know that in just a second you will have to go back and still be fairly active with your friends, despite your exhaustion, so you are trying to enjoy this moment as much as you can. Suddenly, a long shiver goes up from your neck down to the tips of your fingers. You feel a presence behind you and as you turn around, you just wish it wasn't….. Natasha. She approaches you calmly, but there is a strange confidence in each step she takes, each look she sends you, every word she speaks. Because of it, it's harder to read which parts of her are true and which parts are a mask she developed for herself. She is studying your face for a second, taking time to herself to decide her way to approach you, calling out in her head the bullshit of your actions, parts you are not realising are true. She wants to help you with that. 

'You are lying to yourself.” You are stunned by her boldness, but you don't speak, allowing her to elaborate on the topic. Your body on the other hand flexes immediately, straightening up you try taking more space, showing her that you are not an easy target, for whatever she is planning against you. 

“And about what exactly, Natasha?” You challenge her, that one is obvious, or maybe she challenges you. Either way, you know that all of this is a game to her. She is a predator, and you are a prey, not in this reality you're not. Not in your reality. 

“I know you want this y/n, I see you shivering at my touch, I see you looking at me from the other side of the room. The way you looked for me and Wanda in the crowd. I know what you need, and I know what you want. We can give you that, all of it, me and Wanda. You just need to say it, darling.'' She comes closer to you, with each word she tries to lock her eyes with yours to make you truly understand. Her right hand is now lightly touching your left. Her fingers are stroking your palm and her touch is surprisingly soft, delicate, like she is afraid of hurting you while her eyes are saying that, that's exactly what she wants to do. You don't move back, why don't you immediately move back? While you have a second to study her you start to understand that all those words, all she does right now is projecting. She is so afraid of being true with you that she tries to make you believe that her emotions are yours. That has to be the case because you are not attracted to her. Two can play that game. 

She comes even closer, with her left hand she holds you around your waist, hand lingering on the small of your back. She doesn't set it down, but you can feel the warmth radiating from it. It travels through you, and you at the top of your head, causing you to shiver.  Her perfume is really nice, and it's overwhelming in the best way. It's stronger than Wanda's and so much different than hers, but just as they are together it mixes with each other in perfect harmony, a little bit like them.  Her lips are so close to your ear, the intimacy of it makes you weak…. Sick…. It makes you sick. You turn your head to her direction, again being shorter than she at first was annoying to you, but now after her reactions you know how to use it to your advantage, You bring out your innocent eyes, steering up at her makes Natasha grab your waist, and you keep your cool together to not react on that. Her fingers are digging into your skin, her grip, like she is scared you are going to disappear. With the proximity, you both end up with lips inches apart. You smirk lightly when her breath hitches and her eyes shift, they become darker, or maybe it's the lightning in the room, or the moon covered by a cloud, or maybe you just imagined it. Natasha grabs your waist harder, and you put a hand in front of you to stop her, afraid she will try to bring you closer. Your hand lands on her stomach, she is flexed, and it seems like an act all over again. Your left hand is locked with hers, your bodies barely apart, only your palm standing in the way. You can feel two buttons under your fingertips, and her belt at the bottom of your palm, thick leather digs painfully into your skin, so you push at it, causing it to be pushed down. It happens so fast, but you can swear you heard Natasha lightly moan at this action, so you push a little bit harder. She bites her lips hard, and you don't take your eyes off of them as you speak.

"I want..." she focuses more on your voice. Pupils dilated and breath caught in her throat. Only now you start understanding that it's actually you that has all control over the situation. With all her confidence and boldness, in this very moment, you are the one that has control over her. Maybe you judged your friends too harshly on the dynamics of their relationship and this is something you need to put more thoughts in, but for now you need to handle the situation at hand. You repeat yourself. 

" I want .... you.... to leave me the fuck alone, and get into your head that I'm not someone you can play with." You saw how her eyes went from lust to shock in a split second. You push her again, getting out of her tight grip on your waist, which you actually might be bruised from, and leave her dumbfounded. It feels like an award. 

Shortly after you join them your friend, all of you fall into light conversations between each other, with you actively trying to ignore Natasha and Wanda. They don't make it easy for you, their eyes linger on you too long, too bold for you not to notice, but you won’t give them the pleasure of giving them any reaction. The next rounds of drinks were served and as you try to keep Kate out of taking any more, someone interrupts the conversation of your small circle. 

“Hello ladies.” Everybody looked up at a man that decided that the after party is the best moment to shoot his shot with Carol and point her interest at his ideas. He couldn’t be more wrong. 

“Hi, excuse me, but the party's over and only the closest friends are staying at this moment, I hope you understand. Thank you so much for attending.” Carol is bold, Carol is confident, and Carol doesn't like to repeat herself. 

“Well, that's exactly what I hoped to become.” He is not getting the clue, even when it's served to him on a silver platter. Darcy leaned in to inform you that the man standing in front of you is an owner of a StarL industry and his name is Peter Quill. You heard him before at the party, someone called him Lord and you laughed at the commitment to the party. As it turns out, it's a real title that he tries to get people to call him. His company focuses on tech development, and you can help but smell a copycat of Pepper. His outfit doesn't fit into the topic of the party, his hair looks greasy, and the stupid grin on his face makes you sick. He looks like your high school teacher that you truly hated, who was released from his job, due to his inappropriate behaviour towards some of the students. 

“What are you ladies talking about?” Still, this man can't get a clue. He seems so desperate for Carol's approval and probably the rest of the “MILF sisterhood of really expensive pants” club, that you are pretty sure he actively chooses to be oblivious.

“Art, music, girly stuff, probably nothing that would interest you.” Wanda is trying once again to tell him off. Her hand is on Natasha's thigh, maybe to feel her close, maybe to comfort her, but the main reason, as you assume by Natasha's body language, is stopping her from taking the case into her own hands. 

“That's exactly the thing I love, especially the part about girls.” Well, that was creepy. 

“But I know a lot about art and music. Actually-” he continues, and you wish he didn't. “ I saw this incredible painting, right there.” He points to the place above the piano. The painting is framed with a wooden frame, covered in hand made golden little leafs. It's hard to distinguish from so far what it is, but you had a chance to take a close look at it closely, when you entered the house. The painting shows a beautiful view of nature. Big forest is dark with some light falling through the trees creating spots of breaks between the darkness. It's really detailed, so you can't figure out the real looks of it, if you did not study it from up close. Between each tree in the sunless ground, there is a horror looking creature, creeping from the depth of it, looking afraid of the bright spots. 

“Oh, do you like it?” Wanda speaks again, taking your focus off the painting. 

“Yes, very. It reminds me of Albert Bierstadt. It's so detailed, I could see every leaf and it's so calm and domestic.” You can't help but laugh at his bullshit. Clearly he learned two or three names just to impress somebody and if you had no knowledge whatsoever maybe you would fall for it, but you do, and you call it bullshit. 

“What's so funny?” His arms are crossed on his chest, challenging you with his domination. All eyes are on you. 

“Bierstadt is a realist, there is nothing realistic about this painting, and please enlighten me what's so domestic about it?” He seems to be caught in a moment. His hands grabbing the side of the couch with unnecessary hard grip. 

“What do you think about it, yn?” Natasha moved closer to her wife, embracing her in a side hug, allowing Wanda to rest her head on her shoulder. They are both focused just on you, somewhat like the men disappeared, like everybody disappeared. 

“Well-” you start slowly, not really trusting why they are even asking your opinion. “ I really like it, it's an unusual piece.” They take a sip of wine and wait for you to continue. 

“At first, yes it might look realistic, but it's really not. It's a nightmarish painting, showing the fear and struggle of staying in light, or maybe escaping it. It might be about the contrast between light and dark, maybe about how you can see what is really there until you actually focus on the darkness, which not a lot of people do. Not only that, but it reminds me more of Beksinski style than any other.” Wanda looks happy, Natasha truly impressed and Carol has this know it all smug on her face. 

“Well, Wanda here created this masterpiece and gave it to me when I bought the house. She has talent doesn't she?” The question is pointed at you. Peter left the group in the middle of you talking, before making an even bigger fool of himself. 

“Yes… yes she does.” You answer faster than you can think. You don't take your eyes out of Wanda, drowning in her focus on you, feeling pulled in before you can grab anything in reality to stop it. Your compliment makes her really happy, it's rare for her that someone truly gets her, and you…. You seem to do it all the time. She cannot explain this connection she feels, just as she can't stop smiling at you. Her nose is scrunching a little in the cutest way you ever saw. Natasha kisses her on the forehead, enjoying the moment between you too. 

“Well, yn is also an artist.” Oh, god, Darcy, why? You wish she hadn't said anything. She always does that, brings your hobbies or any achievements that you have at any possible moment. There is something irritating about it, and at first you had a big problem with that, but with time you understood, and you felt the love she has for you even more. You never got that as a kid, your parents praising you for grades, your art or internships, college, the list goes on. Darcy only wanted you to feel appreciated, and let you see how proud she is of all the things you did in your life, or simply with yourself. Watching you grow as she grows with you was one of the best things that happened to her, and she will happily remind you of it every day. 

“Now I need to know more, what do you do yn? Artistic, in life, work, relationships? Tell us something about yourself.” Natasha is pushing, and she knows she is, but it's harder for you to back up when you are surrounded, and she will take her chance, even if it means not playing fair. 

“Well, I'm studying language and literature at the university, working as an intern at a publishing company, and I'm having additional shifts at the bar. About artistic stuff, there are a lot of things, but I mainly write poetry.”

“She wants to put her own poetry book at some point.” Says Maria.

“She also writes essays for other students, she goes to the gym, she learns to play an instrument.” Kate adds, and you start feeling like an item on an auction. You appreciate your friends either way, you know they mean good. 

“Our yn is a really versatile person.” Darcy can't help but add her thoughts into the praising bucket. 

“Oh well, that's a lot yn, I'm surprised you have any free time.” Wanda talks to you in a more calm way, with no judgment, but you can't help but look for it in every statement. That's a little spice added to your personality.

“What about your family? Any siblings?” This topic shifts the conversation in a way you don't enjoy. It feels like interrogation now. You really want to finish this conversation, run, stop them from talking and asking questions, take all the eyes off of you, but you will try to stay on top as long as you can before your anxiety will drown you down. 

“I have a brother. My parents are dead.” You answer casually, like talking about the weather, or household duties on Thursday evening. Your voice is similar to a salesman who's been at the same position for the past fifteen years and doesn't know why he is still alive. 

“YN! They are not dead!” Darcy always corrects you, and you know that if she were closer to you, your arm would be hurting now. She calls it a gentle jab, but it's never gentle. 

“Might as well be. You know, I'm going to go check if they need any help in the kitchen, excuse me.” This has become too much. Air too thick, shoulders too heavy. You can feel each time your lungs are filling up with oxygen, and you feel like you have too much and not enough of it at the same time. You are too aware of your body, feeling a shiver traveling through your skin but never leaving. You are surprised after going to the kitchen to see it empty, but you couldn't be happier.It's after midnight, and the morning shift of Carol’s staff was going to take care of the after party mess. Silence makes you feel free, the lack makes you feel whole. Just for a moment, you can be yourself. It's not that you are not with your friends or around people, it's just… There are so many versions of you, and all of them need some space. You feel like you have been neglecting this one with the lack of time, and anxiety is her way to make you aware of her needs, of your needs. You decide to grab some iced water. Due to the high ceilings, all the cupboards hang higher than usual. It's so irritating, but you don't have a chance of grabbing one of the cups without getting on the kitchen counter. For a second you debate your choice, on the other hand you can go outside and grab your mug, but that would mean coming back to your friends and probably staying there. Climbing is it. You take off your shoes and jump to sit on the kitchen counter to stand on it slowly to look through the cupboards. The first cabinet is empty, the next one is filled with plates and the third with bowls. How many dishes do people need? 

“You need some help?” A voice behind you almost makes you fall, you lose your balance, but in the last second you smoothly land on the ground without any harm. Natasha looks at you and her smirk seems to disappear, at least for now. 

“Do I look like I need help?” 

“Yes… yes, you do.” Son of a-

“Well, I don't, thank you.” You really just want to be left alone, you want some water, some ice, and 5 minutes for yourself. 

“Yn… you're going to hurt yourself, let me-'' Natasha tries one more time as you climb the counter again, this time on the right side of the kitchen. 

“I-” first one is a beautiful set of tea and teapot, “-got-” second one is filled with plastic containers, “-this. Ha!” Third one is a jackpot. Yes, it has only vine glasses, but at this point you would even drink from a plastic container. You grab one glass by its thin leg and carefully try to get down. 

“Okay, I got you.” Natasha is right next to you in two steps, she grabs you by your thigh and waist trying to help you down, and it makes you jolt away. It was just a second, you would have been okay if it wasn't for her, but you slipped and as you try to get any balance your hand holding the glass slams on the counter, breaking it in your palm. 

“FUCK!” you harshly bite your lip to not yell, immediately grabbing your injured hand with the free one. Redhead gives you some space as you pace around, but she tries to grab your attention. 

“Yn, let me take a look, let me help.” Your hand is bleeding, and it's not a light one either. You stretch your hand in front of you in fear of ruining the clothes you are wearing. 

“You’ve helped enough.” You bark at her like all of this is her fault. It is, but it…. Isn’t. 

“If you would let me help you nothing would happen, why are you so stubborn. Ugh.” She is stressed and annoyed by your actions, that much you can tell. She doesn’t yell, but her tone is far from soft or tender. You weren't trying to be mean now, you just want to be alone. 

“I- “ You are trying to come up with some good comeback, but the pain makes you shift your focus. 

“You are doing it to yourself.” With that, Natasha leaves. She just left you alone as you sat down on a cold floor, bleeding from your hand, staining the floor red, which by the way you will have to clean. You can still feel that there is something in your palm, a piece of glass that causes more pain with every move. Okay, get your shit together yn. You tell yourself as you stand up and take a kitchen rug to try and stop the bleeding, carefully putting it around the piece of glass. You need to disinfect it and clean it from glass shards. Carol's wine collection is amazing, beginning at wines, through additional tools and ending on the glass, but when it shatters it's like sand. All of a sudden, doors open with force. 

“What happened?” It’s Wanda, Natasha went to get Wanda. You don't know why but the realisation, the fact that she came back makes you…. Feel something. You are glad that it's not anybody else, or everybody at this point, which you assumed would happen after the big noise caused by your fall. Her voice is worried, it takes you back to the evening when you met her and got a nose bleed. It's the same tenderness, the same soft tone you have heard then. The worry on her face makes you feel guilty. You don't like that feeling. 

“Natasha made a bet that I won't be able to juggle with 4 wine glasses.” You joke, you always do. It's light, it's making the situation less stressful and less stress means no arguing, shaming or attacking you. 

“She didn't let me help and she fell. I tried to take her down from the counter and I think I scared her. It's my fault, I'm sorry yn.” Natasha apologises and you… you don't know how to act. Why is she doing that? Is it because Wanda is here? She also seems worried but mainly scared, her hands don't seem to find their place, she looks at her wife like she is waiting for her to order what to do, to guide her through the next steps. It's new, and you didn't see that dynamic between them before. It’s like Wanda has all the power in here. 

“I just slipped, it's nothing.” You are not sure why you protect Natasha, it was her fault, but… you are doing this to yourself. She is also right about that. Maybe you just want to ease her worry, or yourselves, at the end it's the same thing for you. 

“Whatever happened, we need to take care of that.” Wanda points at your hand. 

“Do you want me to get Darcy for you, hon- yn?” She catches herself halfway of the pet name, and you appreciate her actually listening to you before. You sit on the floor again with your back to the cabinet while your legs are spread to avoid blood landing on your pants. She kneels in front of you, and you shift immediately when she tries to grab your hand. She looks hurt by your actions, and that makes you explain. 

“No, no. It's okay, she doesn't have to worry about me more than she is. Also, I still have glass in my hand and I don't want you to get hurt or dirty” Wanda nods in understanding. When it comes to Darcy, she would be here in seconds scolding you about your behaviour, followed by the most caring moments you ever receive from her. Wanda and Natasha bring you over to the staff bathroom. It's connected to the kitchen, so nobody will see you, and you don't want to be seen now. Natasha went to look for first aid while Wanda helped you take off the stained towel. When she comes back, you hear her speak.

“I have bandages and some plaster stitches, so that should work till we are going to get you to the doctor.” 

“No! No doctors, thank you, I'm fine.” You try to stand up and run away from them. You know you shouldn't, but you really can't go to the hospital or a doctor. 

“Baby it's okay.” Wanda tries to calm you down by tracing patterns on your forearm skin after she rolled your sleeves up. She slightly pushes you down, so you don't get up, scared that you might get injured even more. 

“No, you don't get it. Can we just finish it up here, please?” You don't want to argue, you are tired, in pain, with the lack of sleep, and projects to give tomorrow at school. You don't have time or energy for that. Ignoring Wanda, you get up and try to grab bandages from the other redhead.

“Okay yn, sit your ass down, now.” Natasha is demanding, but she is not aggressive. This version of her is much nicer. It scares you less than a smug version of her, the overconfident bullshit version of her. This one feels more real, and more real is safer for you, because you know what to expect.  You sit down and hang your head low. Slightly embarrassed, you let them help you.

“ I'm going to take the glass out and clean the wound, okay? Natasha will put some plaster stitches on you and bandage to keep it clean. Are you okay with that?” The pain is worse now, or maybe the adrenaline is wearing off, your eyes are glossy because of it, and you don't want to pick your head up at Wanda, so you nod. 

“Yn, why don't you want to go to the doctor? Can you explain?” She asks, while taking pieces of glass with tweezers, her voice is really gentle, scared she might push too hard. 

“I can't afford it.” You answer through your clenched teeth. 

“What do you mean, you can't-'' You don't let her finish, you're too embarrassed to even speak about it, but this is your reality? 

“I don't have health insurance, I can't afford to just go to the hospital, it would ruin me. I already have to pay for school, flat, my m-” You cut yourself off, clearly the rumble gets too fast out of you, it's better to stay quiet, you already said too much. Wanda finishes her part and after rinsing your hand with water, Natasha takes over. She takes your hand into hers and gently starts to put the stitches on you. Fortunately, the cut is not too deep, it should heal on its own. 

“I really think a doctor should take a look at this, and your headaches sugar. We could pay for it, that's no problem.” Natasha is gentle with you, and you can forgive the pet name slip this time. You look at your hand as she finishes, thankful for the help they’ve put in. You look at them and straighten your back, tears still lingering at the corners of your eyes, it still hurts, and you can feel it all now. Your red eyes betraying your poker face. 

“No, that's absolutely out of the question. I know you just want to help and thank you for what you just did, but I don't need you and I certainly don't need your money. You can't just buy everything.” Your voice is not accusatory this time, it sounds like you are in pain, but not the physical one. Both women in front of you learned a lot about you today, and they seem to put that knowledge into use. It doesn't matter how much they want to take care of you, spoil you, or be close to you, they don't want to cross your boundaries any more, or at least they will try. Natasha wants to try one more time to convince you, but Wanda stops her before she can, and she speaks up.

“We understand, hopefully it will get better soon. Can you please at least let us know tomorrow how you are feeling?” 

“Yeah, sure.” You answer, trying to sound casual. Wanda takes her wife's hand and Natasha takes out their card with her free one. She hands it to you, knowing that you probably got rid of the last one she gave you. She is not wrong. They leave the bathroom, giving you some time alone. You throw away all the rubbish from tending your wound and clean the kitchen floor the best you can. You go back to your friends and after answering multiple questions about what happened, you decide with your friends that it's time to go home. They grab their stuff and get into one car. Darcy and Carol are lost in their moments of goodbyes which are always so dramatic, but you hope it will never change. Kate and Maria are half asleep at the back of the car, leaning on each other. 

You check your phone seeing multiple messages and missed calls, sighing to yourself you decide to deal with that tomorrow. Cold air eases your mind a bit, and you appreciate the time of the day. It's late, but there is nothing better for you than the world at 2 am. 

“Are you sure you can drive?” This time Pepper checks up on you, Wanda and Natasha already left, and from what you've heard Pepper stays at Carols today. 

“Yes, I'm sure. It’s okay, don't worry.” 

“Take care of yourself, yn.”

“You to Pepper.” You go into the car and take your seat behind the wheel. Darcy opens the door and sits next to you, while her girlfriend knocks lightly at your window to pull it down. 

“Text me please when you will be home. Keep her safe for me.” Carol is always so protective over your best friend, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Darcy deserves nothing less. 

“Always.” You answer and go straight back home. You have to get up at 6, and you will make the best out of those 4 hours of sleep. 

Next chapter

tag list : @autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean, @marvelwomen-simp, @ripofflizzie

[smellslikemultifandomimagines]

hi can I request a smut or blurb of Jason where the reader is Starfire’s younger sister (Jason’s age ofc) and there is something about her that Jason can’t resist and he can’t stop thinking about her especially during training then he eventually gets frustrated and does something about it

[❤︎] pairing: Jason Todd x starefire!sister!reader [❤︎] warnings: [❤︎] word count:

requests are open🖤 request guidelines✨ 🌻masterlist🌻 smut night masterlist 💦

JASON KNEW YOU WERE OFF LIMITS. Kory had made that very clear from day 1 of you living in the tower. While she could appreciate his skills in the vigilante world, she would never trust him to be with you. Jason knew that, Dick knew that, hell even Rachel sided with Kory. Jason wasn't to be trusted around you.

But there was certainly a fire in you (no pun intended, of course) that kept Jason on his toes. He first noticed in one of the first training sessions you had with Gar, Jason and Rachel. Your skills in martial arts blowing them away immediately. He quietly paid attention to you, taking mental notes on that you liked and didn't like.

At first, he found it cute that you were oblivious to his flirting. Though, you were warned by pretty much everyone, that Jason was a massive flirt. But as more time passed, the more he couldn't stop thinking about you. He wanted, needed even, to be with you. It was odd, he thought, that you are the only one in his house that keeps him level headed. You weren't even together, let alone close enough friends, so how do you manage to do that?

Training got even harder too, the more you pinned him to the wall or the floor, or even did that to the others, the more infatuated he got.

"That's it. I'm gonna ask her out," he tells Gar. The two had been talking about you about the better of a half hour now. Of course Gar noticed Jason's little crush, and he told Jason that it wasn't long before everyone else figured it out too, that is, if they haven't already.

"Dude, you can't. Kory-"

"I couldn't give two shits about Kory right now. I can't keep waiting around for [y/n] to make a move on me, so why-"

"It's a dumb idea."

"I don't care."

"Well, don't tell you I told you so if Kory finds out," Gar throws his hands up in surrender.

"She won't find out," Jason tries to argue, but failing. Even he could see how weak of a point that was. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, "She consumes my every thought. This obsession, this - I don't even know what this is - it's too much. Of course you'd never understand, I mean-"

"Hey, who said I've never had a crush before?" Gar defended himself with a slight chuckle.

"You know what I mean," Jason rolls his eyes. He flops down on his bed, a heavy sigh running out his mouth. He rubs his face in his hand again before standing up. "Right, well I'm going to blow off some steam."

Jason stops in his tracks when he sees you in the training room, looking as flawless as ever. Your hair's a mess, strands coming out of your bun from every angel, sweat glistening over your forehead and chest, tired hands gripping the sword as you try another trick.

"Hey," you smile at him, noticing his presence. He can barely get a word out, so all he can do is give you a small wave. "Wanna train together? I've been trying this new thing, and I think it'll work better if I actually have someone else here," you laugh charismatically.

"Uh, yeah, sure." You've learned not to take Jason's tone too seriously. There's no point in getting upset over an angsty, brooding guy. Jason was cute though, there's no doubt about that. Rough around the edges, sure, but over the last few months that you've been here, you've gotten to know him better. A lot more than he thinks.

Jason grabs a sword and positions himself to get ready to fight. The two of you start sparring, swords clinking together from contact. As impressively good as he was, he seemed distracted.

With a flick of your wrist, you easily caught him off guard and made his weapon drop from his hand. “Everything okay? You don’t seem yourself?”

“What makes you say that?” Jason rubs the back of his neck, his eyes boring into yours. He needs a plan, and he needs it now. If there’s any time to ask you out, or at least try to, it had to be now.

“Your footings off. Your footing is never off,” you stand closer to him, a hand on his shoulder. It was a simple gesture, really. A sign that meant he could trust you no matter what. But the sensation jason felt all over his body was too much. He pulled away, not wanting too, but his body seemed to do it for him. Almost like your touch caused a knee-jerk reaction. Your brows not together.

“Jason-“

“I like you, okay! I know Kory’s sworn me off as the bad guy, but you-you’re just so-“ he couldn’t even put into words on how to describe you. Your eyes softened, hands cupping his checks as a soft, flattered laugh slips your lips.

“Took you long enough.”

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Jojolands 13: Ohana Means I'll Set Your Ass on Fire

Dragona dropping some great truth about the absurd in this bizarre adventure. We finally got a peak behind that mask. I love it and I hate it, if you've read the chapter already you know what I mean. We'll get to that, because this right here isn't spoilery and it was such a cool nugget.

I love the way Dragona talks about the "absurd." Chance moments that alter one's life for better or for worse. The things that just don't make sense. Especially paired with Dragona opining about nearly losing their heart in the same chapter that last part about hearts being destroyed hits hard. I'm definitely sure we're looking at a trans narrative here and one we'll see play out. The chapter does a good job of implying what we need to know. Nudges at an early theory you've been changing your body with Smooth Operator. We ready? What follows is no place for beginners or sensitive hearts:

Oh HELL yes! As if I needed a reason, these two were well on their way to top Jojo status and now the dynamic duo of the Joestar Siblings are definitely there. Mean girl sets her sights on a much more timid Dragona who we now know looked way more masculine at 14 than 18. Talking physical build and not just fashion. You know, I don't expect an 18yo to have all that figured out and with this I do think we'll see her keep coming into her own. But holy shit that was fucked up and I sincerely hope we can get through the rest of this with no more sexual assault on my Jojos blorbo.

If they do...Jodio will fuck you up. Set a whole damn bus on fire! And while I'm not looking forward to having to relive the impetus in the inevitable anime adaptation, since we've already had the cop I kinda like the perpetrator being a girl here. For one because it shows a side of this kind of bigotry that often goes underrepresented. You see a little more space made typically for trans men who had bad experiences with men prior to coming out, largely because it tends to overlap with those who found a comfortable half-step in something like a radical feminist group. But this sets up Dragona pretty well for a realistic other side of the coin to that. Your experiences with bullying might make you a little skittish of girls your age, you keep a foot in this criminal world even if we keep showing you (not unlike Okiku) as someone who doesn't fit super well, all this would certainly explain why you'd gravitate towards a figure like Meryl Mei. Why there's great potential for drama if she shows a nastier side. It's all great for a trans story that justifies still figuring yourself out through it...but sticks to a fairly realistic path for a lot of young women who find themselves running with gangs.

All that said, Jodio you absolute freak. Burning the whole bus is metal, it's scruffy, he's protecting family. Doooooope. These two are fantastic and I can't wait to explore their story, their dynamic more. Jodio & Dragona's sibling bond is the beating heart of this part. As much as I love Kiku/Izo & Killua/Alluka yeah this is gonna be a banger. Speaking of, this chapter was also the second time we nudged at Jodio getting shit for looking fey too. These two are ride or die for each other and their awesome mom Barbara Ann. How this all ties into their family falling apart and their desire to become filthy rich? No need to ask...

In lighter news. They. When Meryl learns of the other lava rock that got smashed. We're all clear on who's the brains and who's the firepower in the dynamic duo right? I trust Meryl as far as I can throw her and she's a big lady. But for now everything seems on the up-and-up. Charmingman seems to have passed the sniff test and yeah it looks like he's just going to hang around. I like this new setup. Scouting a shadowy company to see if we can get more lava rock.

All in all one of the best chapters of Jojolands so far. I'm loving it, this is the exact direction I hoped it'd go. The backstory made this pretty heavy and I hope we can have more fun with this gang on the new excursion.

[crownedtargaryen]

cruel summer. - modern!jacaerys

Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4 ; Part 5 pairing: modern!jacaerys x modern!stark reader (a/n): this part includes sensitive topics. please, PLEASE read the trigger warnings below. as a SA victim, this is not to romanticize such things. TW: attempted rape, blood, sexual assault rating: NSFW 18+, this chapter holds sensitive. prns: she/her all notes are appreciated. words: 1.7k tag list: @hopelesswritergall @twizzy123 @howyouloveyourdragon @daenerysapologist @fairysluna

It's been a few hours since my encounter with Jacaerys and I'll admit, I've missed those corny jokes. He's annoying at the moment, but I seek his company now. I walk to my brother, Cregan, who prepares dinner for me and my siblings.

"Hey Creg," I start sweetly, seeing him look at me and smirk slightly. He knows I'm about to ask for something, he always knows. I move up next to him and look at the meal he's preparing. "Looks good!" "Stop tryna' sweet talk me, what's up?" Cregan says, cocking a brow at me. I feel anxious, knowing he might say no.

"You know Jacaerys Velaryon…" I start, seeing his expression contort into something I can't place. He nods in response, increasing my anxiety. "Could I have his number?"

He pauses for a moment, considering, then sighs heavily. "Why? You don't like him, do you?" He takes the food off the stove, leaning his side against the counter and crossing his arms. "You've gotta be careful about guys like that. I know him better than anyone. He has girls flocking to him by the second. He'll play you like a pawn in some filthy game. I don't want that for you." He grabs his phone despite his words, letting me consider as he finds Jace's contact. Cregan and Jace are close friends from being on the hockey team together, so I trust his judgment. Being co-captains develops a bond that might let you discover some darker sides of each other.

"Trust me, I have no interest in him. It has to do with tutoring," I lied through my teeth, smiling uncomfortably. Now, it was a half-truth! I don't have an interest, but I also want to get closer. It has nothing to do with tutoring him since he won't give me the chance to teach him a damn thing. Cretan examines my expression before handing me his phone with Jace's contact open. I can't help but smile at the contact photo.

It was when Jace let his hair grow out, his curled hair down his shoulders. He posed all pretty with his leg up and batting his eyes with his jersey on. I quickly enter the contact and hand Cregan back his phone, moving over and giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Creg. It means a lot. You're the best!" I affirm, patting his shoulder as he rolls his eyes and chuckles. I scramble off, entering my bedroom and texting Jace.

(Y/N): hey it's (Y/N)! I was wondering if you were still up for a hangout? :)

I was shocked by the response time. My phone vibrates in a matter of minutes.

Jacaerys 😐: Yeah. I have a party I was invited to. Sound good?

(Y/N): who's gonna be there?

Jacaerys 😐: Idfk it's a high school party, do you really expect me to know everyone who's showing up?

Well damn, okay asshole.

(Y/N): yes, I do. I expect a list of first names, last names, parents' phone numbers, and their ages before you pick me up 🤨

Jacaerys 😐: Are you going or not.

(Y/N): what time?

I try to figure out when we'll be heading out, mostly because I want to look presentable. Maybe I'll find someone at the party who is interested in me, who knows? He told me he could pick me up in an hour or so. The sun has already set, so I can only assume we'll be out for a while. I text him the okay and get myself ready for a night that changed my whole perspective on Jacaerys Velaryon.

He pulls up across the street in my neighbor's parking lot, not wanting to seem obvious. I'd never snuck out before, nor planned to. Surely my brother wouldn't mind, he parties all the time! But maybe he'd be hesitant to let me spend time with his best friend. He almost didn't give me his number. I could only imagine how he'd react if I told him I was actively seeking to hang out with him.

Without a second thought, I slip out of my window, closing it and glancing at Cregan's window. The light is off, I can only assume he called it a night early. I rush across the street, trying to keep my head ducked in case he looks out his window and sees me. I quickly open the car door, slip into the passenger side, and slam the door. Jace looks at me in surprise for a moment before bursting into laughter at my anxiety.

"Jeez, you're terrible at this!" He playfully nudged me, causing me to roll my eyes as he pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the party. I check my phone, my leg bouncing as I fumble loosely with my shirt. I feel his eyes glancing at me, worsening my frustrations. "You look beautiful," he suddenly says. I look at him, my brows furrowed. Looking ahead, he has a cheeky grin on his face. "I mean, seriously. You'll have guys all over you."

"Speaking from what you wanna do?" I suddenly say, trying to distract myself from my overwhelming fear that Cregan will message me at any moment. I notice his hesitance to answer and the growing color on his cheeks that I can barely see in the limited light. "Maybe? So what?" He replied, making me laugh. I didn't take him seriously. I know he wouldn't want that. Would he? I sigh heavily and comfortable silence falls over us. Jace turns on a song to fill the quiet space.

We park on the side of the street, music muffled from behind closed windows and doors. It's a Lannister party. I look up at the looming building. I swear it's four floors high. Jace gently takes my hand and walks me inside, obviously impatient and ready to have fun. A few people cheer as Jace walks in. He laughs and greets them, letting go of my hand and leaving me alone. I can't help but feel disappointed watching him talk to different girls and his friends. I sigh and head to the drink table, downing two shots.

"Woah there, Tiger, watch yourself," a voice calls out, revealing Aegon Targaryen. I hadn't interacted with him since middle school when he was head over heels for me. He'd cheated on me, but I hadn't held a grudge. It was middle school. We were all imbeciles unaware of romance. He seems to be getting there, his words only slightly slurred as he smiles flirtatiously at me. I return the smile, except it's awkward. He doesn't seem to notice, offering me a drink which I take. "Aegon! How've you been?" I ask, trying to make a polite conversation. He sighs heavily, brows raised, then chugging his drink with a small laugh. That told me everything, and I felt pity for him. His home life has always been challenging, so I give him the benefit of the doubt in most situations.

I feel myself growing tipsy as Aegon continues idle chitchat. Mostly conversed about life and relationships, and even asked me if I'm interested in smoking some weed with him. I politely decline, scanning the crowd for Jace. The more I drink, the more I feel myself becoming scatterbrained and drunk, and the faces of those around me look all the same. The blaring music triggers a headache and I continue to drink.

Then, before I know it, Aegon has his hand in mine and says words I can't understand. I giggle at him, assuming he said something playful. Then, his hands are on my waist and pulling me close. I grow uncomfortable as he grinds his hips to mine. I push him away a little, but he grows aggressive and starts gripping me tighter. He whispers words that will stick with me forever.

"You love me, admit it. There's nothing I want more than you. You're mine tonight."

I feel sick, tears coming to my eyes. I plead with him to stop, but my words are slurred and incoherent. No one around us pays attention as he pulls me toward the bedroom.

Everything happens so fast. One moment I was wrestling with Aegon, crying and trying to beg him to let me go, the next he was on the floor and Jace was in front of me with his hands clenched into his fists.

I watch Aemond emerge from the crowd, looking at his brother's bloodied nose and bruising face on the floor. It blurs together. I watch as they crash to the floor, glass shattering. I see blood, a broken bottle in Jace's hand, and then Aemond bruised and bloodied on the floor. Jace looks at me, his gaze softening as he grabs my hand and pulls me out. He makes sure I have everything. I look at his face, his nose bleeding and cuts on his arms and hands. I feel my sickness surface, pulling me from Jace and vomiting in the front yard. I hear him say something, but I can't hear him over my vomiting. He pulls my hair back, waits until I finish, and then helps me to his car.

I have thrown up on my shirt. I can smell it. Jace gets in the front seat as I lay in the back, whining and curling up. He watches me through the rearview mirror.

We drive for only a bit before he stops his car. I look out the window, seeing we're at a nearby gas station. He turns around, looking at me then unzipping his backpack that's rested on the floorboard of the back seat.

"Jace..?" I whine, and he softly shushes me. I look at his bloodied hands, my eyebrows furrowed.

"You're okay, you're safe. I'm here," he whispers, pulling out his hockey jersey. He hands it to me. "Can you change into this for me?" I stare at him, shaken up and still scared from the party ordeal. "I won't look." He turns away, covering his eyes. Hesitantly, I strip off my shirt and throw his jersey over my torso. I softly murmur his name, and he looks back at me, smiling lovingly at me. The blood on his face has dried up, and I feel guilty. I feel responsible.

"Jace I'm sorry," I slur out, the brunette reaching for my hand and holding it tightly.

"You have no reason to apologize. Let's go back to your house and clean you up. Okay?" He whispers, making my heart clench as tears fall down my cheeks. "I won't let anything happen to you, ever. You're safe."

[varianandhugodonotgetrawed]

I did a thing

Thanks to @shelobussy for giving me the idea for this little one shot! You didn't think I was serious, did you? But I was, oh, I was.

Desc: Hugo and Varian run into a problem while helping at VBS (vacation Bible school for those unfamiliar. It's literally summer camp but Christian). Warning for minor cursing, past homophobia.

___________________________________

"And... it's locked." Hugo sighed and slid down the door of the closet. "Who designed this thing? Why would a door auto-lock when you close it?"

"Why wouldn't it?" Varian had already sat down. "If you hadn't dropped the key we would be out of here."

"You're always blaming me for stuff. This isn't even the right closet! This is the damn communion supply closet, and I told you the cleaning supplies were down the hall, but no, Heaven forbid I be right."

"I got turned around! Half the hallways out of the sanctuary look the same anyway." At least they wouldn't starve, though Varian might rather starve than subsist on grape juice and crackers that looked and tasted like Styrofoam. And would it be heretical to eat and drink communion elements outside of the ceremony? Surely God would understand, like that story with David and the sacred bread.

"Uh, earth to Freckles," Hugo's annoying voice cut through Varian's thoughts. "How are we gonna get out of here? The VBS has, like, four chaperones for the middle schoolers including us, we need to get out."

"Can't you pick locks, Beanpole?" Varian had never seen Hugo lockpick, but he looked like the type to know how.

With his long undercut blond hair, piercings, alternative clothing style, and flamboyantly gay demeanor, Hugo wasn't really the sort of person Varian would expect to be a youth group leader, but West Ingvarr Methodist Church prided itself on diversity and inclusion. Varian couldn't help but think, though, that even if it wasn't a sin, Hugo didn't need to make being queer his whole personality. Varian certainly managed not to.

"I can't pick this kind of lock. I don't know the inside mechanisms of the automatic doors. And I'll thank you not to use that tone when asking. I don't why you think you're better than me-"

"I don't think I'm better than you-" Varian began.

Hugo snorted. "Could've fooled me. Anyways, I could maybe figure out how to disassemble the lock, but I don't think Pastor Robin would be very happy with me."

"So we're stuck here," Varian groaned.

"Until someone comes along and sees the key on the ground, yes. Don't look at me like that, Freckles, I'm not pleased about it either. You're stuck in a closet with someone you hate, I'm stuck with someone who hates me."

"I don't hate you. You're annoying as- as heck, and loud, and honestly I don't think you should curse around the kids-"

"They're middle and high schoolers, they've heard the word 'shit' before. Besides, I know what it is. You don't like the way I dress, the way I talk, you don't like when I talk about my homosexuality-" Hugo said the last word like he was an old man deeply offended by it.

Varian rolled his eyes. "That's not it. If it makes you feel better, I'm literally bisexual. I just don't think you need to talk about it as much as you do-"

"Freckles, what would your life be like if you had had an openly queer leader in the church when you were those kid's age? Because I'll tell you right now, mine would have been a hell of a lot better. You can keep your internalized homophobia to yourself, but I'm going to be who I am. And I'm going to be for those kids what I needed." Hugo finished and turned his head away, arms crossed.

Varian couldn't think of a thing to say. He tried not to think about it much, now that he was out of Old Corona, and two years into college, but he remembered growing up in a church very different from West Ingvarr. Forget it being unsafe to be queer, Varian had dyed a streak of his hair blue when he was fourteen and been looked at like he was the devil's child into he finally broke and dyed it black again. Eventually, fifteen-year-old Varian had decided he couldn't take it anymore, and ran away. It'd quickly gone wrong, and he'd fallen in with a very bad crowd before his father found him, and promised they would move away after Varian tearfully confessed the reason for his rebellion.

All that to say, Hugo was right. Varian cringed thinking it. But Varian had been unfair in his judgment of him, and it was the right thing to do to admit that.

"I'm... sorry." Varian finally said. Hugo didn't turn his head, but his eyes flicked over and his eyebrows rose slightly. "I think... I let my biases color how I judged you, and that was... unfair and not very 'Good Christian' of me. I... really don't hate you, Hugo."

Hugo turned his head, and Varian could see him holding back a smile. "Thanks for the self-awareness. I forgive you, I guess."

Varian scoffed. "Thanks, 'I guess'."

"Well," Hugo began, obnoxious grin on his face, before pausing. "I think I hear footsteps! HEY? IS ANYONE THERE?" He yelled, forcing Varian to cover his ears.

"Yes, ominous voice? Wait. Hugo, is that you?"

"Yep!" He replied. "Varian, we're in luck! Okay, Yong, there's a key on the ground. I need you to slide it under the door, alright?"

"I don't see a- oh! There you go!" A second later, the bronze key appeared by the door. Varian and Hugo stood up, and unlocked the door.

"Feels good to be free!" Hugo declared, stretching.

"We were only in there for twenty minutes," Varian commented, grinning.

"Yeah, but twenty minutes stuck with you? Basically twenty years."

"Shut up, Beanpole," Varian pretended to punch Hugo's arm. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

[myeyesandheartadjust]

Thoughts while listening to The Mad Ones (fully) for the first time

Disclaimer:

I've heard a smattering of songs already but keep getting distracted while trying to listen to it from beginning to end

It took two days to get through it (it's a heavy musical, y'all!)

I definitely look at this through a queer lens

Here we go!!

Starting off strong with The Girl Who Drove Away

"Leave the fear and doubt behind! Choose the road less traveled! Not the memories to real! Not to guilt that leaves you paralyzed!"

"If only i could turn the key...." This whole song is just Sam needing a hug

Hi Kelly!!! 👋 👋

"Map's are for brain deads"

Sam, you don't sound convinced about college.

"But what if she doesn't?? OH TWIST!!" KELLY 🤣🤣 Also, i was right

"Not a memory jumble" 🤣

For real though, WHY DO SAM'S MEMORY JUMBLES SOUND SO PRETTY

"I was figuring out who I was – the whole year – saying what I wanted, doing it, and one day the phone rings....." Oh, Sam :(

"What? You think it's gonna bite?"

"LET'S GOOOO!"

"She believed in listening to the highway. You start driving and keep driving. There's no stopping 'til Kelly says you're arrived."

There's queer vibes in this song, and I'm here for it!!

"Very slow, Brown." I can picture the smirk and the look Kelly's giving Sam, and it's very gay

"Freedom! Freedom! FREEDOOOOOM!"

I love how Sam's saying big things and Kelly's all like, "I want Arby's. I wanna go skinny dipping!" 😂

"Let's go! Let's go! Pick a road, pick a highway. Any road is going my way. Let's go! Live it up with no complicated philosophies!No college, no career! No kids, no fancy house! No! Let's go! ANY ROAD BUT THE ROAD WE'RE ON!"

"NO COLLEGE! NO CAREERS! NO SCREAMING KIDS! NO MORTGAGE!"

"There's something buried within here, a lesson to keep, the impulse, the life force, the diving in deep. I feel it. The chaos. I usually flee. If I hold on right here, could I learn to just BE?!" 😭

"Don't talk about it. Live it. Don't feel the loss of it. Feel it." 👀

"Trees blurring into nothing. And i am nothing. And she is nothing." Poetry! Also gay vibes!

"It's so real and so like a memory. And the sun is so bright that I'm squinting. And it feels like I've found FREEDOOOOOM!"

Kelly and Sam being rock stars is so funny, and it sounds like car rides with them would've been epic

Sam singing in Ordinary Senior Year is so sad 😪

A statistician teaching someone how to drive .... sounds like a recipe for disaster

"Sam failed her drives test...four times!" I was right 😁 Poor Sam! Half of them weren't her fault but still!!

"DRRRRIVE!!"

Top Ten is a really fun sounding song. If you heard it out of context, though, you'd be like what!

"Old age. Lame! Impossible!" 😂

Some of these are really hilarious, like the alien one, the mentos, and the poor Sting one!

"Hit by a car on the way home from the library." 👀 Ouch! Is that how she actually died?

Sam and Adam... okay??? Sam can be bi but Smple As That sounds like a friendship song (minus the makeout bit)

"For sure. He's the perfect guy for a girl like me." SUURE!! Sam

The Proposal = a song that would sound incredibly weird out of context and one that i can't take seriously

Sam, if you're this conflicted over this about wanting to have sex with him, you're probably NOT in love (or like) with Adam. Not even for pancakes! (Also, I can see a side note, but I can see Sam as ace/aro and secretly wanting a QPR with Kelly or being a closeted bisexual/lesbian)

Lyrics like "Feel your carnal urges taking hold" and "EMBRACE YOUR DESTINY," is why I can't take this song seriously

Kelly's with a TA. Okay, Kelly's either deeply repressed about her love for Sam or is bi. Or both!!

"All alone. Was I lost, or was I alive. In the space in the hole, she CREATED!"

Yeesss The Mad Ones!!

Jack Kerouac quote my love 🥰 (This song introduced me to it, and I fell in love with it)

"IF WE'RE GONNA GO, WE GOTTA GO TONIGHT!"

"Pushed to the edge, out on the ledge. Will you die out or burn, BURN?!" 🔥🔥🔥🔥

"'CAUSE THOSE GOOD OLD BOYS! THEY'VE HAD THEIR GOOD OLD DAYS. BUT NOT THEY'RE GONE, AND NOW THEIR WORLD IS OURS TO TAKE."

Here we gooo!! "We're mad to go. Mad to drive. Mad to be alive. We're chasing stars. A thousand suns. The mad, THE MAD ONES!!"

I know how this song goes, but two drunk girls making a plan to run away sounds A: gay and B: like a recipe for disaster

"STOP SAYING CAN'T! STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" Kelly is kinda bossy, I'll admit Sam

"It's never or now! YES! Time to take your foot off the BRAKE!"

The key change and the blended harmony is just ahhhhhh!!

The back and forth call of "WHO LET DOWN WHO?!!' So pretty yet so sad in context

"If we'd only gone that night, then I wouldn't be DEAD!!" Still an OUCH every time I get to this part

"YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!"

"WE BREAK THE LOCK! WE KICK THE DOOR. TO REACH FOR MORE, WE MAKE THE RULES. We MAKE A VOW. TO BE MAD. GIRL, WE'RE WHAT MATTERS NOW!"

The beginning piano and strings of I know My Girl is pretty

Okay, Sam's mom, Beverly, didn't impress me at first, but I kinda like her in this song. Now I'm hungry for cookies, though :(

Miles to Go, I'm not entirely sure how it's supposed to fit in the plot, but I love it, and it would sound lovely out of context

Freedom callback!!!!! Ahhh!!

Two really pretty songs in a row and one of them Say The Word being about Sam's relationship with Adam and possible sex?? Wow

"Let me go if it's easier. But say the word, and I might have to stay!"

"I wanna love. I wanna ride. I wanna be the girl by your side!"

Moving On is fun (even though they're avoiding the obvious)

"I'M ALIVE. YOU'RE ALIVE!!"

Freedom melody callback part 2

Go Tonight = the second song I've ever heard from this show and one that got me through when I thought I almost lost a friend

"She was- She was sitting on the roof of her beat-up car, half singing, half laughing, half going too far."

"If we're gonna go, we gotta go tonight. GOOOOOOOOOO OOOO TONIGHT!!! 😭

I saw a clip from what must've been a workshop or preview that had Sam singing the words, "She was everything I loved," instead of, "She was everything I'm not...." and honestly, I think both would've worked. 🥰

"SINKING DOWN IN THIE VOID LIKE A CRATER. GETTING LOST IN A WORLD THAT I CAN'T REWIND. IT'S TOO LATE AND IT'S JUST GETTING LATER!" 😭😭

"I unravel until I REMEMBER, SITTING ON THE ROOF OF YOUR BEAT-UP CAR!" 😭😭😭😭

"What I didn't know was that time doesn't stop - prom still has a theme, the valedictorian still gives a speech on a future she knows nothing about." 😭😭😭

Run Away With Me!! That is the first song I ever remember hearing :)

"We'll be on the road like Jack Kerouac, looking back. Sam, you're ready. Let's go!"

The "I'm not trying to make you a wife here!!" isn't helping your case, pal 🙄

Please tell me you broke up with Adam after this, Sam, because Adam does NOT get to pull a Kelly, wip out a Jack Kerouac reference, and ask you to run away with him!! That was Kelly's role.

"Do you wanna die? Do you wanna fail?" OUCH, considering Kelly's dead and Sam has perfectionist issues

"DRRRRIVE!!"

"If you follow my instructions, I can free you. I can make you alive! I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN!!"

All the overlaps in Drive are pretty

"EIGHTEEN YEARS, YOU'RE MY WHOLE LIFE!"

"I don’t wanna be safe!"

The road you take should feel right…The road will tell you who you are!" 😭

Run Away With Me, and My Mom is a Statistician callbacks

What do I want? What do I need? It doesn’t matter if it’s a mistake. It doesn’t matter if I fail. I have to think big. I have to take control. Even if I disappoint everyone. Even if no one ever speaks to me again. I have to feel something!" 😭😭😭😭😭

"LISTEN TO ME!! I never dreamed of running away, but I do dream about the highway. I start driving and keep driving. I can’t stop 'til I feel alive again!" 😭

I Didn't Say Goodbye = another favorite that I've heard before and a really emotional one

"I can't do this alone." 😭😭

"You’re scared. You should be. If you’re not, you’re not doing it right. You do it now, you do it for you, and you do it alone!" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"Be mad, Sam. Be careless and wild and squeeze the life out of every second!" 😭😭😭😭

Kelly's crying, Sam's crying, I'm close to crying!

"And do not crash my car. I’m serious. I will like haunt you." I would laugh at that, but I'm trying not to cry

"You take the risk. You pay the cost. You drive until you're lost. And look around. See where you went. And your life will be a MONUMENT!"

"What did I always tell you? Maps are for braindeads? That's right!"😭😭

"I didn't get to say goodbye! Sometimes, you don't get to say goodbye." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I really miss you. I know, it sucks right?"

"I live in what you do! In what you want to do. Now that I'm gone..... I'm moving on!" 😭

"What do you want Sam? I want the deafening sound of driving fast with the windows down! I want to reach the horizon of IMPOSSIBILITY!"

Now we're back where we began with the theme for The Girl Who Drove Away

"Remember this! The racing heart, the faded dawn. Remember this, before the moment’s gone!"

"Remember feeling like your life begins today. Try to stop and feel each second slip away. Remember this"

"REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT LED YOU HERE! Each road trip and every single tear!"

"You look back on your life. On the girl you were for eighteen years. You look back one more time. THEN YOU LET IT GO!"

Freedom callback one last time.

"Freeeedom! Freeedom! Freeedom! Freeedom! Freeedom! FREEDOOOOOM!!!"

[ruth-writes]

What's My Age Again?: Chapter 5

I decided on a name! The hashtag is gonna be whatismyageagain so it won't get mixed up with the song

Alex's POV

Content warnings: mentions of self harm and abuse

I scanned through the apartment listings as Professor Andrews droned on and on. I’d already had five viewings in the past few days and felt pretty good about the last two, but I wouldn’t stop anxiously setting up more until I’d signed a contract with someone. I was so engrossed, it took me a few seconds to realize everyone had started packing their things. Was class already over? Fuck.

“Do you want my notes from today, too?” Riley asked, glancing over at my empty google doc.

“Yes, please. Thank you so, so much,” I replied gratefully.

“It’s really not a big deal,” they said. “I’m taking the notes anyways. By the way, I’m meeting Billie and Aaliyah for lunch, do you want to come?”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of busy,” I replied automatically. I had two viewings this afternoon, had to pick Jamie up from school, and now I had to revise Riley’s notes.

“Oh, come on. You have to eat something either way,” Riley argued as we started filing out of the lecture hall.

They had a point there, especially since I’d already skipped breakfast. I wondered if Riley was being so insistent because my stomach had been growling loud enough to create aggravating background noise to the already boring lecture. Plus, it would be nice to see Aaliyah again, so I let Riley lead me to one of the two taco trucks on campus.

“Alex!” Aaliyah called when she saw us. She gave me an enthusiastic hug, the spikes on her necklace poking into my chest.

“Hey!” I said, hugging her back and praying she couldn’t hear my hear thumping loudly.

Billie seemed happy enough to see me as well, at least that’s what I got from the quick side hug we gave each other. I scanned the menu as I got in line behind them, slightly regretting setting myself up for eating one of the messiest foods ever in front of Aaliyah.

“How’ve you been?” Billie asked me. “I haven’t seen you since… well, you know.”

“Fine, I guess. I’ve been pretty busy figuring everything out,” I replied, trying to be vague and honest at the same time.

“Well, if you need anything, let us know,” Riley chimed in. They all agreed, making me smile. I got the feeling they truly meant it.

“How was Andrews?” Aaliyah asked, thankfully changing the subject.

Riley rolled their eyes. “I have never in my life met a person who can take interesting subjects and make them that boring. I’m pretty sure Alex fell asleep.”

“Okay, rude,” I defended myself. “I didn’t remember a thing, but I was awake.”

“Whatever.”

We made more small talk, finding a picnic table. Thankfully, we were all a complete mess while eating our tacos, which made me feel better.

“Oh, God,” Billie groaned, looking over my shoulder. “Heads up, wannabe jock coming over.”

I turned around to see Sam strutting towards us. “Hey, Alex!” He then eyed Billie, who uncomfortably pulled her jacket closed to cover her chest. “Damn, Bille. That top sure looks good on you.”

“Dude, what do you want?” Aaliyah snapped, getting up to place herself protectively in front of Billie.

Sam took a step back. “Whoa, sorry. I just came over to talk to my friend Alex here.” Damn it, why did he have to pull me into this? He clapped my back unnecessarily hard. “How’ve you been, buddy? I haven’t seen you since you moved out without telling me.”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me expectantly. I cleared my throat. “Look, Sam, I think that maybe you should leave. You’re being kind of weird, you know?” I didn’t speak with half the confidence Aaliyah had, but of course Sam listened to me more than her. He left, mumbling something about how no one could take a compliment these days, and Aaliyah returned to the bench after she was satisfied that he was far enough away.

“I can’t believe- oh, shit!” Riley swore as their taco ripped at the bottom, spilling chunks of tomato and beans onto the table. Aaliyah grabbed one of her extra napkins and started cleaning it up. Once they’d managed to get the tinfoil to hold their salvageable taco remnants, Riley started again. “I can’t believe you had to live with that asshole.”

It took me a second to realize they were talking to me. “Oh, it wasn’t too bad. He’s annoying, but he kind of grows on you after a while.”

Billie raised an eyebrow. “I hope he didn’t grow on you too much.”

“No!” I frantically tried to correct my mistake. “I know he’s an asshole. I didn’t mean that I like him or anything, just that I learned to live with him.” I eyed Aaliyah, trying to figure out if my comment took me out of her good graces. It seemed like a fragile thing with her, where a single misstep could have you falling out. She smiled at me while rolling up the napkins, making me relax.

“You don’t have much of a choice with dorms, do you?” Riley pointed out.

“Yeah, what’s your roommate like?” I asked, hoping to turn the conversation away from me and Sam.

“They’re fine. We don’t talk much,” Riley answered. “The only thing I hate is their fucking awful alarm.”

“I keep telling you to just-“ Aaliyah tried to cut in, but Riley interrupted her.

“Yeah, yeah, talk to them about it. I don’t want to upset the ecosystem, okay? You’ll get it once you get a roommate someday.”

The last part seemed kind of pointed. I suddenly felt uncomfortable as I watched Aaliyah stew in silence with a look that said she still thought she was right. I assumed this was how it felt to be at a friend’s house when they got into a fight with their parents.

Billie and Riley both ignored her look in a way that felt like it was a common routine for them. Instead, Riley asked, “Does anyone want to go out tonight?”

Aaliyah shook her head and declined. I did the same, so Riley and Billie started talking about where to go. I zoned out of their conversation, locking eyes with Aaliyah, who seemed to be doing the same. We sent each other awkward glances until Billie and Aaliyah’s phones chimed at the same time. They checked them and groaned.

“Jenny?” Riley asked sympathetically, and Aaliyah nodded.

“Who’s Jenny?” I asked curiously.

“Our boss,” Aaliyah explained. “We don’t like her.”

That much was apparent from their expressions. “From the dance studio?” I remembered.

They both nodded bud didn’t elaborate, just typed a few words and put their phones a way again.

After checking the time, I got up and announced, “I think I’m gonna go to the library.”

They looked surprised but started waving me goodbye.

“Hey, I’m helping organize this thing on campus tomorrow,” Aaliyah stopped me before I could leave. “You should come, I can text you the details.”

Was I imagining the giggles Billie and Riley seemed to be having trouble suppressing? “Sure, I’ll try,” I told her, even though I already knew there was a slim chance of me being able to make it.

--------------------

Jamie and I had established a routine when I picked him up.

“How was your day?” I would ask in the most casual way I could.

He’d shrug his shoulders and say, “Fine.”

“Did you meet anyone nice?”

Shrug.

“Are you hungry?”

Shrug.

“Do you have any homework?”

Shrug and sometimes a “yeah”.

It was getting hard for me to keep a straight face during it. Any information I had on his feelings was mostly guesswork, but if they were anything like mine, we were heading towards impending disaster. We’d go home, he’d take a snack from the kitchen and shut himself in his room until it was time for dinner. In the beginning, I’d thought it was good to give him space, but now I wasn’t sure. I’d sit on the couch, trying to think of something to say to him while my nails dug deeper and deeper into my skin. Sometimes they were stained red when I pulled them away.

Today, as we were driving along the already familiar route, my knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel as tightly as I could to get through the excruciating silence, a car in front of us suddenly stopped.

“Fuck!” I shouted as I slammed my foot onto the brakes, coming to a stop just before I hit their taillights. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck?” I turned to Jamie to ask if he was okay, but the words got stuck in my throat. He’d grabbed the handle in his panic, causing his long sleeves to fall, revealing cuts on his forearms that were all too similar to mine.

He immediately pulled them back once he saw me looking and turned his face to the window. I let him, allowing the silence to envelop us until we got to the Airbnb. As he immediately headed towards his room, panic started to swell inside of me.

“Jamie,” I blurted out, causing him to turn to me. I swallowed.

“What?” he asked snappishly when I simply stared at him, already impatiently retreating. Whatever I was going to say, I had to do it now.

“I thought you could help with dinner tonight,” I told him.

He didn’t look happy. “Do I have to?”

“Yes,” I said more forcefully, a twinge of annoyance rising in my chest. “You live here, too. It wouldn’t hurt for you to start pulling some weight.”

He looked as taken aback by the sentence as I was, but it had its effect. “Whatever,” he muttered. “Let me know when you need me.” With that, he shut the door behind him.

I had him help me cut the veggies, which meant we were sitting across from each other at the dining table that doubled as the only workspace in the small kitchen. It reminded me of the few times Mom and John would go on trips and leave us alone. It would allow us rare occasions of moving freely throughout the house, and some of my favorite memories of us cooking actual good food were created then. I hadn’t known a thing about flavors or spices, but Google was a good teacher.

“Do you know how much longer we’re gonna stay here?” Jamie asked finally.

“We’ll see,” I told him. “I’m supposed to get an answer from a few places tomorrow.”

“Are they further away from school?” he asked.

“Some are, but you’ll be able to take the bus.” Not having to drive him every day was gonna take a shit ton off my plate. “Are you excited?” I prodded gently.

He shrugged. “It’ll just be nice to have a more permanent place, you know?”

I did. I couldn’t wait to have my own room again. “If you want, you can start looking for furniture,” I suggested. “You’ll need a new bed and stuff.”

He brightened. “I can pick stuff out myself?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, as long as it’s cheap. We can go through Ebay together.”

He looked kind of awed. “I thought we’d be driving back to Chicago to get the rest of our stuff,” he admitted.

I shook my head. “No. We’d need a bigger car, and we can just use the gas money for new furniture. Besides,” I added the last part darkly, “I don’t ever want to go back there.”

He was silent, then said in a small voice, “Yeah, me neither.”

I grabbed the last carrot, cutting off the ends before quartering it into four long pieces. “Do you feel better now that you’re here?” I tried, hoping he wouldn’t shut me out.

He finished cutting his pepper and started filling the pieces into the large bowl I’d placed between us. “I guess. I’m glad I’m here, with you.” It was the first time he’d said that, or anything particularly nice, since we’d gotten here, and it made my lips tug into a smile. “I miss Holden, though. He made school a lot easier.”

Holden. Guilt tugged at me as I thought of the way I’d treated him at the hospital. It was becoming clear that he’d been there for Jamie where I’d failed. “Have you talked to him?”

Jamie nodded. He didn’t have any veggies left, so he pulled a knee to his chest and watched me cut. “Yeah, we text every day.”

I didn’t know much about relationships, but that didn’t seem like the healthiest way to handle a breakup. “Have you made any friends at school?”

“Not really,” he admitted, confirming my fears.

The words tumbled out of me before I could think them through. “You know, I have some friends who work at a dance studio. Maybe they could set up a trial class if you want to check it out.”

He frowned. “You have friends?”

Ouch. “Yes, I have friends. What did I say about being mean?”

He actually looked apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just… surprised. You’ve never had friends before.”

I decided to ignore the comment. “Do you want to try it out or not?”

He hesitated. “Like, an actual dance studio? Isn’t that gonna cost money?”

“Don’t worry about that,” I dismissed. I’d pick up fifty extra shifts per week if it meant Jamie getting out of his room.

His hesitant smile grew wider. “Okay, sure.”

---------------------

The thing Aaliyah organizing turned out to be a protest about something to do with housing. I saw her immediately, standing in front of the maybe fifty people and shouting into a megaphone.

When she saw me, she handed the megaphone to the curly-haired person next to her and jogged over. “You came!” She threw her arms around me.

“Of course!” It hadn’t been entirely by choice, as the protest was in front of the building I’d just had my English lecture in.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” She dragged me towards the crowd and started telling me names, none of which I remembered. None of them mattered anyway, because soon I was just following her and doing my best to blend into the crowd by copying the slogans everyone was shouting. Aaliyah was the opposite, routinely taking the megaphone again and starting her own chants.

When it was over, everyone started to disperse, some taking the signs with them. I doubted the protest had made much of a difference besides bothering a few students.

“What did you think?” Aaliyah asked me as we were leaving.

“I don’t know,” I replied truthfully. “I’ve never been to a protest before.”

“Really?” She seemed surprised, which made me feel somewhat embarrassed.

“Yeah, I’ve never really had the time,” I defended myself.

She was still skeptical. “Well, I think people should always make time for politics. This stuff directly affects you, you know. Like, we were protesting for lower rent, and you’re looking for an apartment right now.”

I knew that. I wasn’t dumb. “Well, what happens now?” I challenged her.

“What do you mean?” Her jewelry clacked as she looked up at me.

“I mean, you all came here, made some noise, and now you’re leaving.” I motioned to the now empty space, free of any sign that the protest had ever been there. “How does that change anything? Politicians and landlords won’t care, they’ll just ignore you.”

“Okay, I’ll admit this wasn’t necessarily the most affective thing I’ve ever done,” she relented. “Peaceful protests never are. But we’re organizing, which means we can set up other things. Like, we do mutual aid for unhoused people. And we’re raising awareness.”

I didn’t know what mutual aid meant exactly, but it did sound more meaningful. “That makes sense, I guess.”

She grinned. “How do you feel about discussing this more over coffee?”

“I don’t really drink coffee,” I admitted. “And I have to go to work. It’s probably not very busy now, though. You can come and hang out if you want.”

She agreed, which made it a lot harder to focus as she smiled at me from across the counter, sipping on her hot chocolate. It turned out she wasn’t much of a coffee person, either.”

“Excuse me, are you dumb? My son wants a cookie, just give him one,” a lady was yelling at me.

“Ma’am, as I said, we don’t sell cookies,” I explained again in my overly friendly customer service voice. “I can offer you muffins and a variety of sandwiches.”

“He doesn’t want a muffin, he wants a cookie,” she snapped. “Honestly, this generation knows nothing about good customer service. What kind of café doesn’t sell cookies?”

I shared a ‘what the fuck’ glance with Aaliyah, who surprised me by coming to my rescue. “Lady, he already told you they don’t sell them. Just go somewhere else. There’s like, three more cafés on this block.”

If looks could kill, Aaliyah would have been incinerated on the spot. The woman huffed and marched out the door, dragging her poor son with her. I sighed, wishing some billionaire would invent a substance to inject into people’s brains at birth to make them be polite. Forget government surveillance, customer service workers need chip technology more.

“Thanks,” I said to Aaliyah, walking over to her. We were now the only ones in the small space. Most customers ordered to go rather than sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the dimly lit room.

“No problem. Do you get people like her a lot?” she asked.

I grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

“How much are they paying you again?”

I still wasn’t used to her bluntness. “Uh, minimum wage,” I answered uncomfortably.

“Is that what your coworkers are earning, too?”

“I actually don’t know,” I admitted.

“You should ask around,” she said matter-of-factly. “Not asking is how they rip you off.”

“Yeah, maybe I will,” I lied. I’d only been here a few months, I didn’t want to start rocking the boat. “By the way, how much do classes at your studio cost? They didn’t say anything on the website.” I braced myself for what was probably gonna be a number way out of my budget.

She let out a sigh of annoyance. “Yeah, Jenny thinks writing the prices will scare away potential students.” Okay, so they were definitely high enough for me to forget about it. My heart wrenched at having to explain that one to Jamie. Maybe I could- “Are you asking for your brother? ‘Cause I have an employee discount I get to use for one person. I could use it for him.”

I blinked, surprised at her offer. She definitely wasn’t joking, and she said it so casually I didn’t know how to react. “Really? That’s so nice, but you don’t have to do that. If you can only use it for one person-”

“Alex, it’s fine. Really.” She said it with a gentle smile that made her brown eyes light up. “I wouldn’t be offering if it wasn’t fine.”

That was probably true. In the short time I’d known Aaliyah, I’d come to understand that she was an incredibly honest person. “Okay, if you’re sure. How much would it be with the discount, then?”

She hesitated. “Um, well, how much can you afford?” she asked uncertainly.

I frowned. “What does that have to do with it?”

She took a long sip of her hot chocolate before answering. “I’m just trying to figure out what class would work,” she said when she finally set her cup down.

“Oh.” I was still a little confused but chuckled when she looked up at me. “You have some hot chocolate in your face.”

Her eyebrows scrunched together in the cutest way possible. “Where?”

“It’s like, on your upper lip.”

She dabbed at it with a napkin. “Gone?”

“…yeah.”

She frowned again. “Why did you hesitate?”

“I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did,” she accused. “Is it really gone?”

“Yes,” I promised. “I just wasn’t entirely sure.”

She studied me for a moment, then got out her phone and looked in the selfie camera. When she was satisfied, I was telling the truth, she put it away. “What were we talking about?”

“Class prices,” I supplied. “I think I could afford like… ten dollars a class?” Shame rolled over me as I told her the small number, but lying about what you could afford only tended to get you into worse positions. “I mean, that’s what I have right now. If I picked up some extra shifts, that would get me higher. Maybe to like, thirty.”

She was back to being matter-of-fact. “No, you don’t have to do that. There’s a contemporary class on Wednesdays that could be ten with the discount.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “How much is it usually?”

“Forty bucks. The discount is pretty high since I teach the class.”

“Wow. That would be great, obviously. Thank you so much.”

“It’s not a problem. I’m just glad I could help.” She smiled at me again, then moved her hand forwards so her fingertips were brushing with mine, making my heart lurch.

We were interrupted by the bell ringing as a string of students walked in. I went over to serve them, falling back into my customer service routine. It went on for the next forty-five minutes, barely giving me time to even glance at Aaliyah as more and more students filed in. Only one customer was from a different demographic- an older lady with a dog. Aaliyah watched me silently at first, then eventually got out her laptop.

“What are you working on?” I asked after the last customer left, wiping down the counter to clean up their messes. She lifted her laptop so I could wipe there, too.

“Just an info post about the protest for Instagram,” she answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world. She looked around. “Is everyone gone?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty quiet during class times,” I explained. “They usually come in waves during the breaks.”

“Oh. That’s sounds pretty nifty. It must be nice having it be so predictable.”

“I guess. It gets kind of boring sometimes.”

“Maybe I could visit you more often, then,” she said with a small smile.

I felt my cheeks warm. “Yeah, that would be cool.”

She propped an elbow on the counter, resting her chin on her hand. “How have you been, anyway? The stuff with your brother must have been pretty stressful. What’s his name again? Jamie, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. It is, but it’s nothing I’m not used to. I always knew this was gonna happen.”

She looked uneasy. “You knew he’d end up in the hospital?”

“I knew he’d have to come live with me,” I clarified. “I didn’t see the hospital coming. I really fucked that one up.” I bit my lip to keep a straight face.

“You can’t blame yourself,” she said gently. “You didn’t put him there.”

I swallowed. I knew she was trying to help, but she didn’t have any idea what she was talking about. “I just wish I’d been paying more attention,” I explained with a lump in my throat. “I shouldn’t have misjudged the situation the way I did.”

“The situation with your dad?”

“With Jamie’s dad. We’re half-brothers, technically, but I haven’t seen my dad since I was three. He lives in California with my brother.”

“Oh yeah, I remember. The one paying for your tuition, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

She switched her head to her other hand. “So, were you always taking care of Jamie? ‘Cause you said you were used to it.”

It was probably too early in our relationship to trauma dump this much, but since she was asking, I said, “Yeah, pretty much. He was an accident, and for some goddamn reason they decided to keep him even though they already hated having me around. But I don’t resent him or anything. I love him more than anything.” I could already feel the guilt rising and grabbed a napkin to wipe at the tears forming in my eyes. “Oh God, sorry. This is embarrassing.”

“It’s not!” she said immediately. “It’s fucking normal, especially with what you’re going through.” I expected her to add something about how men not crying had something to do with the patriarchy, but she seemed to realize this wasn’t the time for a sociology lesson.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m just telling the truth.”

I laughed. “Yeah, but I don’t mean just that. Thanks for everything. You barely know me, but you drove me half the way to Chicago, now you’re giving me the discount…” I grabbed another napkin to stop even more tears, but it was hopeless. They were falling uncontrollably now.

She smiled. “Well, the drive was an emergency. I wasn’t gonna let you drive drunk.”

She held my hand for a bit, then walked behind the counter to hug me. She was a good hugger, her arms wrapping tightly around my chest without making me feel suffocated.

“I’m probably getting tears in your hair,” I apologized once I could somewhat talk again.

“Don’t worry about it.”

I glanced at the clock, realizing it would be pretty embarrassing if a customer came in now. “I should probably go freshen up a bit before the next rush,” I told her, extracting myself from the hug.

“Are you sure you’re okay to keep working?”

“I mean, I don’t have much of a choice,” I pointed out.

“Fair enough,” she relented, though she didn’t look happy about letting me go.

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

I know its ooc for this acc, but i need to vent, or ill do something stupid and potentially dangerous, so im here, baring my soul to stangers on the internet ive never met irl before-

I think I got too close to the sun becuase I feel like I'm in a free fall rn and I can't get a hold of anything and I know I'm about to hit the ground, hard, buti don't know when or how far the ground still is or if I'm even going to land on spill ground because what if I fall into a bunch of rocks and die or fall into the ocean, I never learned to swim properly, I can BARELY keep myself afloat, and I know I'm going to die anyway from how high up I'm falling but I don't know when it's gonna be and everyone keeps telling me that I've got this all I have to do is open the parachute but the cord isn't working my parachute isn't working I don't know what to do some of the people who are supposed to be here for me are sitting on the ground watching me fall with a smile and a bucket of popcorn, the others who would catch me can't because they're all the way across the world, and I don't know what to do but everyone expects me to, I should have my life figured out already, everyone else my age seems to, why can't I, why am I like this why can't I just fly like everyone else why did my wings have to fail so miserably when my support system is down and will take at least two to three years before they're back up I need help someone send help please I need to talk to someone and I can't bc the people who'd want to can't do anything about it and the people who could help are convinced I can do it myself I hat being the oldest daughter and the oldest cousin, why do I have so many people looking up to me as a role model I'm a terrible role model if anything I'm more of a warning Hazzard don't do that sign why do all the adults keep saying I need to be perfect so my little siblings and cousins have a role model why where was my role model because my parents sure as fuck weren't it and they're always saying they didn't raise a quitter, well no shit they didn't raise me I fucking raised myself I'm at a point where I can't even talk about this out loud without crying I litterally had a three hour anxiety attack+mental breakdown and my parents still think I'm perfectly fine why did I have to move everyone's always telling me to believe in God and I have but if not a single thing I needed went right how do I keep believing I don't feel like the sky or the statues are listening anymore and I'm happy they do listen for others and I'm glad other people have a good relationship with their religions and their parents and people in general becuase I feel like crying whenever my favorite teacher used to say I did a good job at an event or said she was proud of me becuae she's said, word for word, many many times "I know it's not my place to tell you, but your parents won't, I know, so I will tell you- I'm so proud of you" and i- thank you you have no idea how much it means to me, but much as I appreciate it, you're not who I need to hear it from and it makes me cry because my culinary teachers were better parents to me in the one year I knew and had them than my parents were my entire like and I don't think that's okay, or that i should feel like crying evrytime I see my friends or anyone having a good relationship with their parents and I can't take this anymore please save me from school I know I used to complain but I've never actually hated it and now just the thought makes me feel sick and I used to love going to school and learning but now I'd litterally have take prometheus' placement eaten alive by vultures everyday than go to school again please help i can't live through another year and a half of this torture please help I can't do this please

[fractured-shield]

Requesting for the WIP Bingo—

Half coherent ramblings about langauage

*grabs popcorn and a blanket* okay I’m ready!!!

ok so!! *pulls out my super long disorganized notes document and spends like 20 minutes looking for the right notes* I'm gonna put the map here too just for ease of access

So first of all, we have the god-tongue, Vakran, which originated in Vehtel Eromel, the city on the western expanse where the five four gods live. It's spoken by any mage or priest who serves in the city, and known to varying degrees by common people in the surrounding kingdom of Vinahri, and a bit less-so in Fairalme further east. On the eastern expanse, it's exclusively used by mages, sort of in a church-latin kind of way: used in written manuscript and recitation but not casual conversations, since they've long since stopped trading with the western half of the continent. The Lochieru dialect is essentially a heavily modified version of Vakran (like sharper consonants and less dropped/modified sounds), so it gives them an edge in actually learning spoken magic, but makes them sound sort of off-putting to other mages...in addition to the whole "they worship the banished fifth god and the dragons that god created" thing.

So I mentioned Vinahri and Fairalme in the west speak varying degrees of Vakran, but Fairalmin is their native language. In Vinahri, it's got more of a slow pace with a heavier rhythm and uvular r sounds to it, and the further you get to the Fairalmin coast it's more like...imagine the rhythm of a west wales accent and some of the vowel sounds, smushed on top of an irish accent but specifically something around galway. i realize that's incredibly specific and convoluted but it makes sense in my head and this is important to me bc Idhren's originally from the Fairalmin barrier islands lmao. it used to be a sort of trade language, but the trade isn't there anymore because the coastal kingdoms on the eastern expanse also aren't there, so it's pretty rare to hear on the eastern expanse now.

And speaking of that, in the eastern expanse the three original elf kingdoms (Linador, Ngelorim, and Silorn) spoke Cenaith. The new ones formed from their remnants in the last war do too, but like...you can tell the someone's age based on what their Cenaith sounds like. Older speakers have a lot stronger regional accents, if you're familiar you can be like "that's a middle class accent from the city of Thiamal in Ngelorim" but with anyone born after the most recent war, they grew up around a bunch of varied accents from all three kingdoms and sort of have this distinct "I think someone in your family was from that region based on that one single slang word you use but you sound like your accent is influenced by like ten things" kind of vibe. Since like, elf kingdoms and all, and there's such slow dialectical shift in any instance other than a huge upheaval that changes what accents everyone grows up hearing.

There's also Common, which is the trade language of the Hyse (humans) that was adopted by the Alliance council once the two Hyse kingdoms were allowed to join. It comes from Ilgost, and has a ton of variation in accents compared to Cenaith. And there's Riddana, which is spoken in Rhorn (although Common is also pretty...common there). It's got a lot more of a germanic feel to it I think, just based on vibes? And then there's Ikhanan which is spoken near the eastern shore and by a few isolated groups elsewhere and I still need to figure out a lot of what I'm doing with that, but it's a shared tongue of goblins and dwarves since they've historically coexisted in that area.

Also like, final note (although I'm sure I've forgotten something), Therien's accent is an absolute mess. She's already got that muddled post-war young person Cenaith accent, but with hints of her father's Fairalmin accent, and when she speaks Common you can tell Cenaith is her first language but there's a very noticeable Riddana undercurrent to it too from her time spent there and it's very confusing to anyone who doesn't know how she ended up with such a weird style of speaking

[icedteaandoldlace]

The police, aka my soon to be brother-in-law, responded to a call today about three kittens that someone dumped outside a McDonald's. They are approximately three weeks old, they all have eye infections, and there is video footage of someone dumping them without their mother. My sister and her fiancé (the cop) were talking about it, and there are no animal shelters in his jurisdiction, and idk what she said to him, but there was some miscommunication, and I somehow got volunteered to take the kittens off the police's hands by accident. My sister sorta/kinda explained the situation to me, and I told her I would pick them up from the police station when I got off work, and we would figure something out when we got home.

I was under the impression that these were solid food eating kittens, but one look at them in person and I could tell they were gonna be bottle babies, and would remain so for at least a few weeks. I am in no position right now to take in kittens that need that level of care. But I also could see straight away that the kittens would be better off in my hands for the night than the police's, because they and the Animal Control guy there obviously didn't know what they were supposed to do with them or even what age they were, so I went ahead and took them home.

There was no time to get formula without leaving the kittens in the car, which I was not about to do, especially in this heat, so I made a batch of the "emergency formula" I made for Armando when he was in this situation (evaporated milk and an egg yolk—DO NOT use this as a long-term substitute for kitten formula if you ever need to bottle feed a kitten, it's just to keep them from starving), and they ate about three and a half eyedroppers each (because I have no idea where the hell my kitten bottle went, even though I KNOW I didn't throw it away), and they are all napping in their crate now on a couple of shirts that don't fit me anymore.

My sister and her fiancé talked some more, they got the miscommunication sorted out, and since he is off tomorrow and the rest of us are solidly booked, he is taking the kittens to the nearest shelter (in a town 30 minutes away) when they open, since they would've already been closed by the time I would've been able to get to them today. So if all goes well, we just have two more feedings to handle (plus burpings) and we gotta make sure they poop at some point (which you gotta help them with when they're this young), and then we should have them out of the house before Mom gets home and gets wind of any of this, because the last thing her blood pressure needs is more cats in the house, and such high maintenance ones at that.

[kithtaehyung]

So, I started university right before the pandemic hit, and demolished all my (barely existent) plans. I'm already almost 23 and more than halfway through a major I picked kind of on a whim based on what I thought I was good at, and tbh I still hate it. And I have no idea what career it would even lead to. I want to get more into music production or maybe even being an artist or something like that, but it's overwhelming and difficult at the same time... I think I love music, I love listening to it, and growing up I loved the energy of performing in bands and choirs and stuff more than anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at it, and I'm not a computer or instrument expert either... I feel so lacking in pretty much all of the various talents/skills... I know practice makes better, but it's so hard to persist when you feel so far behind, and it's hard not to feel discouraged completely when there's always someone newer, younger, and already so much better...

Babe, you are 22. You have.. SO much life ahead of you.

I know that doesn’t seem like anything to go off of right now, but I cannot express enough how excited I am for you because 22 is a wonderful age to start things. You have time to mess up, time to figure things out, time to really try a bunch of shit and get a grasp on what direction you wanna go for.

Don’t let society or other people tell you you’re too old to start something or too late to try something else. Who cares if there are people younger and better than you at something? Who cares if you don’t have a skill set right now? That’s gonna happen. As soon as you recognize that as a fact instead of a barrier for you to overcome, your mindset is gonna shift to “okay, what can i personally do to improve and get better? what do i myself need to do to get where i wanna be?”

Honestly.. this ask feels like something younger me is writing. Because I compared myself to countless people when I was in my early twenties and lmfaoooooo you know what? That dark place of “thinking I wasn’t gonna do great so why try” has only left me with regrets. You have a choice to make and if you really want what you want, go for it and don’t stop.

If I had actually took music production seriously and kept making shitty beats on FL Studio in my dorm room and didn’t give a shit about people telling me it’s not worth it to pursue? Who knows, I could’ve had a studio by now. I could’ve been on the Big Hit production team. I could’ve been working with Metro Boomin or any world-class producers.

Do those goals seem hilarious? Yes. But they also probably could’ve come true if I worked hard enough. But I’ll never know. Because I didn’t keep going when I did. Because I hit that wall of seeing how much I didn’t know about music and production and everything that goes into it, and I got discouraged and dropped it to focus on other things that were safer, more likely to keep me afloat. Don’t be like me if this is something you really do want.

We can do this together, really. Because I’m going for shit now too because that passion itself hasn’t gone away. I am asking people for advice when I need it. I’m networking with musicians and producers and mixing engineers and managers. I’m figuring out what I need to do and where I need to look for educational pieces and putting in the work that I was too discouraged to put in before. All while trying to tell myself it’s okay that I’m where I am at 30. Do this with me. It’s only gonna help you.

Bottom line: if you wanna do something, do it. So what if people are better than you? So what if you don’t have the skills or knowledge right now? Stay disciplined and do the work. Don’t half ass it and don’t think it’s gonna be something you do on the side. Treat it like it’s your life, and practice the hell out of whatever it is. If you end up thinking “this isn’t what I want,” then at least you know for sure and you can pick something else up. But if you keep that passion, hard work and effort will bring you great things.

And you’re gonna look back at this ten years from now and laugh because you’ll realize 22 isn’t far into life at all.

[penname-artist]

Forgive the tipsy rambling here and, maybe this is just looking back on something having aged through a lot of it but, do you ever just realize how much you've climbed to change as a person?

I guess it depends on the person. Not everyone has the same experience or makes the same steps. Some people hardly change at all. And some people, people like me, you wouldn't be able to look at versions of me more than two or three years apart without struggling to figure out they're the same guy.

Sure, lots of things always remain. You'll probably still like the same things, prefer the same comforts, or struggle with the same faults. No matter how much you change and grow, you're always just gonna be, y'know. You. It's the type of you that makes the change, though; whether to be the you that gives into emotional weaknesses, or the you that controls their ego from overinflating. Sometimes things teach us, events shape us and memories mold us into new characters. But really, it's just us, paving the way to bettering ourselves. Making something out of yourself. Being someone. And being proud of that.

I can't honestly say I enjoy looking into my own reflection, in a physical sense. I've become so hollow, so baggy-eyed and bony-shouldered with the wear of years of pacing holes into the floor. I don't think there will be a time soon I'll be satisfied with the missing and broken teeth, or the acne scars, or the protruding right side of my rib cage. But you know, appearances can't be everything. Even talents can only push you so far in life, the finite detailing of mine having been dwindled off somewhere in the late 2010s. I can't draw what I used to. I can't do a lot of the things I used to.

In some ways you could say I didn't have a choice. That I had to be kind. I can't work like I used to, can't go like I used to. I've developed a bad knee and stiff joints, mental anguish, social overload, muscle spasms, migraines, whatever else happens on any given day. Things I can't explain and things I can't control. But I can manage them, at least.

And I've watched my mother for years, in a far worse state. Fibromyalgia hardly scratches the surface anymore, with a ruptured appendix and a crushed spine about to undergo major surgery. I've witnessed unfairness and fear in the middle of the night, time and time again like some horrible nightmare no one can wake up from. But I've also seen grace, I've watched a woman go from all to nothing and still put a smile on to be the neighborhood mom, risk pain and days of bed-bound downtime just to take a child to a library event. Just to support their eldest child's new identity. Just to exist to love and care for and take care of her family.

I don't know a person who's been faced with a crueler world. I also don't know a person who's worked harder to be kind in turn.

I'm hardly there yet, I'm only in my twenties. The world is so big and so vast and so complicated. I've already tasted cruel, tasted grief as familiarity is ripped from me, as love and longing is left cold and silent as an empty space for someone who never said a word. I've tasted cruel, and born an inked reminder of what it can't do. It can't take me. It can take my friends from me, and it can take my body piece by piece, and it can take my life some unsuspecting day, but it can't take away me. I'm something. In everything I make, I'm leaving something of myself behind. I was here. I existed. I impacted. I did. The world was cruel and it'll keep being cruel but I'm going to exist anyways and I'm going to do anyways and I'm going to be kind anyways, and I'm going to climb this goddamn mountain one pebble at a time, and shout from every clifftop that I was something. It may not have been very much. But it was. And you can't erase me. I was something. And I am proud of the something that I made.

[edit: it's 11:08 PM, I think this took an hour and a half to write and so I'm sober enough to reread it and yeah can we check off the emotional drunk box now please? Please?]