#sure wouldnt have helped him to cope with it any better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cowchickenbeefpork · 9 months ago

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( not trying to start drama, i don't have anything against you i like your artwork on the two i just severely disargee and want to voice why, i dont wanna start drama i just want to explain my thoughts)

no???? we see edward be an unreliable narrator multiple times in the story ( his most popular and infamous being one where he lies to himself and a ghost of oswald) so why as an audience member am I supposed to believe him when he says he got over it when he cried to the point of dissociation right after he realized she was dead???? i know Gotham has shitty writing all the time but this isn't the last time we see him show gulit for what he did to Kristen, the isabella arc shows him having gulit over Kristen multiple times in that episode. this is how he is characterized, the show kinda leads us into thinking hes lying on how much it affects him. someone who got over her in a day does not do this, it reads way more like npd/bpd splitting instead of just using and disregarding. also the whole dissiocation thing gotham does can be read as pyschosis its pretty easy to do that to the point 99% sure the writers didnt know the difference. ( also his whole bond with oswald implies what he says about kristen is a cope, no? he said love was not for people like them but during season two and season three he does sacfrice alot for oswald, he could've recieved oswald's affections by just waiting for these problems to be done but he went over the moon for him, edward is a liar through and through)

im not going to sit here and act like he wasnt being selfish, he was but it wasn't intentionally malicous. him killing kristen wasn't the worst action he did here, the worst action was him finding a way to rewrite what transpired in a way to make him believe it was always going to happen, like he isn't at any falut and did nothing wrong, he did see her as human and not a fantasy atfer he killed her, but he made himself forget that in order to feel better. the death made him be confronted by the fact that she didnt only exist just to meant him feel good or become a grand person, he denies this reality since if he wants to keep his ideal ego then he has to find some way to justify this and so he says it was just fate, meant to happen. edward cannot accept being in the wrong because of his black and white thinking, he cannot have both bad parts and good parts of himself, it has to all be good or life is not worth living. also he wouldnt kill her later on purposesly, he justifies his murders against people he knows by " they did something bad to me" if she stayed alive he would likely treat her simlarly to how he treated grundy. like he took a bullet for that woman why would he disgard her like he does so easily with strangers? she would have to like do something big to convince

we see him have a gulit hallincation of kristen in season three, stress out over the mere idea of killing isabella as a accident to the point oswald has to go confront her instead of him, and when edward finally confronts her he tries to escape when he sees her dressed up as her. my problem with the arc is they could've easily tied it to the court of owls and also have the isabella arc be edward getting a taste of his medince, expriencing what he put someone else through but it was not, they romantized isabella when in reality her actions would never help someone like edward and would likely harm him more. i wanted the arc to be that he was drawn to isabella because she was an easy soltution for any remaining emotions he had for kristen, she was a new fantasy of normalacy and so he ran for it and got this in return.

I know people hate this arc for being out of character but season three episode 15 streamlines Edward's emotions and brings clarity to why he did so much in episode 14. if Oswald never loved Edward then all of this was manipulation, the mere fact Oswald couldn't even stand more than a week of Edward being in a relationship with someone implies he felt ownership over Edward, of course, Edward would think he was being malicious, he knows that Oswald knows his loyalty and smarts, why wouldn't Oswald use that just to make himself feel good? we know as an audience that is not the case but Edward does not know. also, I know he wasn't being logical in this arc when it came to isabella but Edward fucking framed jim gordon and ruined his life for a bit because he thought he knew about what happened to Kristen from jim gordon just asking a question???? this man was never logical when it came to making his decisions, Oswald shows his emotions more openly than Edward and he still makes decisions that are more well thought out than Edward does. also, next time I like Kristen as a character and don't want to defend Edward's actions, but saying her death only affected him for like one day is wrong. I'm not trying to attack you but Edward isn't this mastermind genius-level manipulator, he does have empathy even if it is low and mostly repressed. why does Edward need to be at this level of self-aware and evil for him to do something as horrible as that? oswald has done horrific things and we still have to sympathize with him in the show while acknowledging that what he did was bad and he should be punished for it, why does this not apply to Edward?

thinking ed killing kristen traumatized him is crazy 😭😭😭 he got over it in like a day!!! she didn’t actually mean anything to him she was just a fantasy! he just likes the chase him killing her would’ve been inevitable and likely not accidental

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sgt-paul · 3 years ago

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Help me please, I have curiosity about Paul that didn't go to his father's funeral, and the only thing I could find is that Paul was about to start a new european tour a couple of days later. Is there more information about that? Thanks!

well, jim died on 18th march, his funeral was held on 22nd and paul had his european tour starting only two days after jim's death, with shows on 20th, 21st (both in copenhagen) and 23rd (in berlin). so the tour was probably one thing, but we also have him saying this:

‘I’m very funny when people die. I don’t handle it at all well, because I’m so brought down that I try to bring myself up. So I don’t show grief very well. It actually leads some people to think I don’t care, and I do. I’m not good at it like some people: my brother goes to many funerals, whereas I don’t, which is bad news because really, getting older, I’m just going to have to. And I hate them. My excuse is a conversation I once had with my Dad who said: “I hate funerals.” So when it came to the time of my Dad’s funeral, in my own mind I was doing him the honour of not going. Which was very perverse, and nobody in the family appreciated it. But, knowing he hated funerals, I was determined to be like him. I said to myself when it happened: “I hate funerals too. I won’t be going to this one.” It’s obviously a bad handling of the situation. It’s so much easier just to go. If only for what people think of you.’

for what it’s worth this is what angie (jim’s wife) said about it:

When Jim died, on 18 March 1976, Angie called Paul and reached him at a London hotel where he was holding a press conference, on the eve of the European part of the world tour.

“I called Rose, his housekeeper, first, and she told me where they were. I'm sure it was the Royal Garden Hotel. And Paul's PR person came to the phone and I told him that I must speak to Paul, I can't tell anybody else what I have to talk to him about. He came to the phone and I said, 'I'm sorry, son, it just happened.' He sounded so shocked, he sort of yelled, 'Are you sure?' and I said I was, and I'd call him later. He was absolutely and totally in shock. We'd all expected it, but it's always a shock, you know. We talked later about the funeral and about him coming to Liverpool. They were going to Paris to start the tour and he asked me what I thought. I said, 'If you throw everything away and come up here for the funeral, it would just be a circus. It won't bring your Dad back, and he was always so proud of you and your music, you go on with what it is you're born to do.' So Paul and Linda went off to Paris. It was so much more sensible. Can you imagine what mob scenes there would have been if he'd come? There would have been thousands of fans and hundreds of reporters and all kinds of pushing and shoving and unpleasantness added on to the reason we were all there. So then the papers didn't get their pictures, but instead they got revenge by criticizing them for not going to Jim's funeral. People will always criticize. You can't win, you know?”

i guess it was a combination of all these things. it could be that the reason paul gives in his own explanation was the most significant, and then the tour and the “fame” aspect* served as further grounds for justifying his absence, i’m not sure. *which i must say i don’t particularly understand/like but.. yeah. if this happens in let’s say 1965, i would understand it more? but i don’t think paul’s presence in 76 would have caused a “circus”, as i doubt it jim mac’s death was a national headline (apparently denny laine learned that jim had died only on 26th, when paul was asked at a press conference whether his parents were alive and he said no). it seems like a weird one, considering paul also says that “no one in the family appreciated” this act from him. *shrugs* (i know angie and ruth had fallen out with paul, so i don’t know how much weight this recollection could hold.)

#but if that convo really went down like that.. jesus #for a man who had already gone through a tragic death and had the way he had to deal with it scar him for life #hearing #'hey we dont want you here having you here would just cause problems go and do your thing'#(in true mccartney fashion)#sure wouldnt have helped him to cope with it any better #i guess the seeds of this behaviour were already planted by then but yeah #and it could be that paul was having these thoughts anyway #dunno.#('it wont bring your dad back' .. what a fucked up thing to say)#answered #(george's mother died in 1970 didnt she? did george go to the funeral? was there a circus?...)

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jjkpls · 4 years ago

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the wishlist (m) - 3

“You used it.”

> genre : smut, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 4.2k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; sextoys talk and use; explicit language; masturbation (f); ambiguous infidelity; awkward oc; koo being cute but insufferable

previous - next

For about a week and a half, you simply ignore the outrageous box sitting in the centre of your living room.

If you omit to remember what’s inside, it’s just a nice-looking decoration, embellishing your messy coffee table. It’s perfectly fine sitting between the unopened mails and the takeout brochures. You see Jungkook glance at it each time he comes over but he has the decency to not mention it. You might have read a little disappointment but he didn’t share it with you, not wanting to bother you, as you rightfully assumed, and in any case, you’re just doing exactly what you said you would: not use it.

Then comes a glorious day of resting from work for you, and miraculously it matches your two closest girl friends' schedules and they owe to come over, celebrate a belated Christmas with you. And as you’re quickly tidying up the place, the question of the box being way too present here is raised again. They will ask about it. One will surely open it before you even get to answer.

The box has to go.

And in your room, hidden in your bedside table where you know no one will peak, it goes.

When you wake up from the fantastic, long-awaited Christmas celebration, it’s with a terrible headache. Mary, the amateur singer, received a ridiculous karaoke mic and if karaoke is involved, so is alcohol. You didn’t know that but apparently, you can get a severe almost deadly hangover from rosé. Well. Starting this new year already learning new things, how great.

One thing that’s unchanged for this new year, as it seems, is Jungkook's talent for psychic arts. He somehow knows you need a copious breakfast made with love and by him, and the curious hangover shot only his roommate has the secret recipe of, to cope with being alive this morning.

“Hello, Sunshine.” Your face feels so bloated and tensed at the same time like it’s made of playdoh and some devilish kid came and punched at it then squished it hard with its chubby mean fingers.

Very unpleasant.

You know you have very little to do with a ray of sunshine at the moment. You're more alike a gremlin or something. Therefore, as a gremlin would, you groan an answer. You catch through the minuscule slits you now own for eyelids a grin from him. It’s not even vexing or upsetting. His lovely, lovely smile is always a blessing. It’s the only thing that makes you not want to head back to bed and just sleep until death ensues. The pretty, pretty thing. With the big bunny front teeth. He is the sunshine.

“Had fun last night?” He asks, still grinning, once he’s served you and himself two good plates of pancakes. He’s sitting in front of you, in front of this delicious looking good, yet he’s ogling you with a strange insistence. When he starts eating because you take too long to formulate a response, he munches slowly, still staring, instead of stuffing his face and swallow down the whole thing like a starving man, like he usually does.

“Yeah. They spoiled me.” You say, quietly. You’re confused. You feel uneasy like there’s something you’re not getting. You hate this feeling. Usually, this friendship is filled with inside jokes you can make up exclusively via telepathy. But here you’re missing something, it feels. Or you might just be confused by the headache and possibly somehow still a bit drunk.

“Oh did they?” The beam is even wider. You frown, nod, decide that it’s too early and your brain too foggy to try and investigate a confusion that might just be the product of your imagination.

It doesn’t click then. It doesn’t click the next three times he asks you again, with slightly different formulations if, really, you had fun last night.

He departs an hour later because he has an appointment with a client, as always leaving some of himself for your guilty pleasure and the marking on your eyelids of that curious grin. That curious mischievous grin. With the crooked shape, the white teeth looking menacing like a wolve’s and the eyebrows arched in suggestion.

How come such an attractive look can be so anxiety-inducing? You’re too fidgety, too confused and concerned to focus on anything. Remnants of the conversation rolling back again and again, trying to make sense of things that probably do not necessitate further explaining.

The whole ordeal made you so nervous, you end up after an hour of trying to go about your day and failing poorly, sitting on your sofa, lotus style, eyes closed and hands turned up to the universe (hoping It might offer you some clearance It would just drop off in your palms). The thing is meditating is hard. Making so your brain would shut the fuck up is hard as hell. And you suck at it.

Spoiler alert, you don’t reach the state of inner peace and quiet you wished to find. Instead, you make enough silence for your noggins to be more performing and suddenly it hits. Your eyes grow ten times in size, you almost fall from your sit for the shock is violent.

The moron.

You or him, probably both.

You

I did NOT use it.

You

I put it away because the girls were coming over but I DID NOT USE IT

He simply replies with a winking emoji and you hate him for it.

You

Jeon Jungkook, ur a dick I said I wouldnt use it EVER and I won’t, have a nice day moron.

And again, this time, you mean it. You’ve never said anything with this much conviction in these twenty-five years of living.

Why would you now? When you now have experienced what it felt to have him look at you thinking you’ve done it. It felt mortifying without even knowing why. In all the case scenarios you could have come up with, you’ve never imagined that one. You would use it, he would know about it somehow, he wouldn’t be disgusted (it wouldn’t make sense for him to be as he is the one who offered it to you but your brain and soft ego sometimes are annoying like that), he would be amused, maybe content, but he wouldn't make you feel mortified.

Having him considering you in a sexual position should be... cool, shouldn’t it? If you really like him that much. Maybe you were confused all along and actually, you don’t, you mistook your own feelings.

Just a quick check of a mental picture you have of him, the fond smile growing just from his pretty face with the pretty everything on it can’t be trusted because, for all you know, everyone smiles this way when they think about him. On the other hand, the swift blush invading your cheeks when you (by accident) linger on parts you really really like about him -like his thighs or the man titties he’s been growing lately- serve to remind you that yes, yes indeed you like him.

But he’s an asshole.

No matter how much you thought about it (and you thought about it a lot even though you’re ashamed to admit it), you've never consider it to realize, you never and you still don’t believe anything non-platonic would ever happen with him. You’re just made to be friends. The best of friends but still just friends.

Not even taking a step but simply dipping the tips of your toes in these unknown waters turns out to be terrifying and you're mad at him because he’s putting you in this situation where you feel awfully uneasy.

It should all remain a very personal, very intimate fantasy: your attraction for him.

He cracked the wall for a second, it felt wrong and terrible but it’s done and over with now.

It’s only you and your thoughts.

You don’t ever mention it, he doesn’t bring it back up. Soon the season of celebrations and wishes is behind you, the world starts rolling slowly, boringly so with its lots of little annoyances and distractions and you’re not even thinking about it anymore, neither is he.

You’re stressed out. Work is being a bitch as it does. And because it sucks most of your time and patience, the only quick way to unwind you know comes to play.

But the hassle is not worth it. Unfortunately this you always need to realize afterwards. After having searched the internet for good masturbatory content for half an hour, working yourself for two hours and then, there’s the safety wee and the freshening up before bed, to wake up the next morning feeling like shit because of course, you sacrificed hours of sleep for an unsatisfactory outcome.

It’s not worth it.

It hasn’t been for months. Even if you’re still more able to take care of yourself and pleasure yourself better than most if not all men you’ve ever been with, something is missing: a man (or maybe just a dick).

You feel bored and empty (in both senses). Stuck because the more you need to unwind, the more you try, the less you feel better.

It’s the snake biting its own tail.

Until a certain pretty blue box, sleeping inside your bedside table, recalls itself to you. It feels like a century had passed since the box arrived in your life, it doesn’t seem as scary as it used to, as stressful. The fact that Jungkook hasn’t mentioned it, might even has himself forgotten about it, help immensely.

And it is the very moment, you forget to remember about this promise you made to him and yourself, the promise that you would not use it.

Right about now, not only stressed and annoyed by everything but also horny for no particular reason, this dildo with the box that matches your planner sounds ideal.

And it is ideal.

Feels like exactly what you needed. The size is not ridiculously big, it’s fairly tiny actually but given you haven’t had sex in a while, it suffices to stretch you out just fine. It’s new and exciting. The texture feels really nice, smooth, slipping perfectly right between your walls. It’s rather long, slightly curved, filling you in deep and teasing the spot that you could never even dream of reaching with your short ass fingers. And in no time (and you actually regret that) you’re on cloud 9, it’s a thought of the Santa that brought this blessing of a gift in your life that sends you there. You feel satisfied, content, fulfilled from the tip of your hair to your toes, smiling like an idiot because damn, that was a good orgasm.

Right this moment, you feel fine about using the present. About quickly having thought about him too because it’s not that much of a big deal. He won’t know about it. He doesn’t really seem to care about your sex life anymore (which is, ironically, a blessing). Therefore why should there be a problem? Why would there be?

Apparently, you’ve underestimated the crankiness of your attitude for the few weeks that passed before the phenomenal orgasm.

Apparently, you had been the worst kind of truculent bitch there is, to a level you didn’t even know you could reach (also no one told you!), because when Jungkook meets up with you, maybe after the third or fourth times of having used your lovely new companion, he noticed something has changed. Instantly.

“What’s going on?” He asks with a bright smile and excited shiny eyes as if he expects you to have great news to share.

“Nothing special...” Tilting your head to the side, you drag the words out as you try to think about it for a second, wondering if there’s something that needs to be told.

“Really?” He sucks on his banana yoghurt with eyebrows frowned, staring at you as if he’s studying you. Once the thing is empty, he tosses it in a nearby bin, crosses his arms on his chest and glares. He looks like a detective about to interrogate you. He would look intimidating if it were not for his lips, sucked in to gather the last taste of his yoghurt. “You look awfully happy.”

“Do I?” It makes you smile, shrug your shoulders. It doesn’t hit just then. It should be fine. He can’t unravel something that you don’t even have knowledge of, can he? But Jungkook is a little weasel. He loves to know everything.

Especially when it’s about you.

“You better not be seeing anyone-“ You should wonder where this is coming from, all of a sudden. Instead, you take offence, how dares he?

“What do you mean ‘I better’? I do what-“

“Without telling me? You better not.” He has that shit-eating grin, his signature brat's smile, because he knows you can’t reach over the table to smack him in the head without risking to tip over your drinks or dip your sleeve in soja sauce.

“Anyway. Nothing's going on.” For a second, a staring contest takes place on this convenience store's terrace. You’re not sure why. He’s daring you for no reason. Until his mouth twitches, wanting to smile and it makes you laugh so he follows along. “Were you not supposed to tell me about your next appointment?”

“Client Amy, yes!” It shouldn’t make you laugh to hear him name her like that as it’s been his trademark to mention his clients as if they were Pok��mon trainers but it does.

You’ve always thought that it’s his very personal way of living this childhood fantasy of existing within the Pokémon universe. His life is full of potential trainers. Most of the time it’s just Client Enter the Name here but sometimes it’s Baker Jin -who’s not actually a baker but a salesman at his neighbourhood’s bakery-, there’s Dancer Hoseok, who’s the main dance partner of his best friend and Roommate Park Jimin. Sometimes he calls you Friend Y/N, it’s frustratingly funny. You hate that you spill at least a nose snort at each and every single one of his stupid jokes. His grin always grows ten times bigger, his eyes twinkle in a lovely way but you know that you are encouraging him. Encouraging him to be fucking annoying, like a little brother who’s just pushing unfunny jokes too far, just keep repeating them because he knows he can get a reaction. “She wants me to tattoo the dragon from Spirited Away on her arm-“

You gasp and he smiles even wider.

“I know, right? And I was thinking- to give it flow, I would have it- like fly through cherry blossoms.” Attentively, you listen, squinting a bit when he gets technical to try and picture the project you have a hard time making up alone in your mind.

Imagination and creativity have always been his thing. He had you impregnated with it long ago because he is too passionate and too much of a sharer to allow you to keep away from all arts -because you can’t hold a pencil straight without panicking at the idea of having to draw something- which you would have gladly done if it weren't for him. He’s the gifted one. And his drawings, either on paper, screen or skin, have always been a subject of huge admiration for you. You’re a bit ashamed to admit it but you’ve never really touched to anything really artistic. You often don’t really get it. But his stuff does something to you -and not only because you adore him but actually impartially. There’s no finesse, no pertinency, no trait nor emotion you’ve acknowledged and connected to better than the ones he creates. “You know this scene where he’s struggling against the little paper thingies and he’s flying through them and they’re going everywhere, I was thinking that, replace them with cherry blossoms. And there would be little petals like everywhere around it. Sounds cool?”

“It sounds fantastic.” You say honestly. You’re impressed by every single one of his projects. Always surprised, somehow, by the pieces he ends up making. Sometimes scrolling through the Instagram page he uses as a book, where he publishes his most elaborated, most expensive pieces and while recognizing his touch, the delicacy in his traits, the peculiar curls of certain lines, the overall feel to them, there’s always this sort of paradoxical disbelief. How could this kid make these and at the same time, who else but him to have made these?

Cute nose scrunches up.

“I’ll send you my drawings when I’m done with them.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.” He is mimicking you. Same pose with the head nod and the leg cross. Same tone and same expression apart from the discreet light dancing in his eye. “So what’s up? You needed to talk to me about something yesterday, didn’t you?”

It takes a second for you to remember as the drastic change in your mood makes it seem the distressed text you sent him yesterday, right when you left work, was written a whole week ago. You don’t remember very well having felt so stressed and pissed off, pushed to your very limits by useless co-workers, that you felt the urgent need to rant about it all, vent your anger and frustration out to him. He was busy and didn’t answer right away. You got home, find the comfort of your sweater sitting on the warm heater and the glorious stand of your dildo and it all went away, bad mood, headache, grudges.

Of course, it awakes a wave of shame within you. If you have been able to use it without feeling guilt nor embarrassment on your own, it’s something else to think about it in front of Jungkook. You’ve made sure not to think about this dildo in front of him ever. But here, it’s him recalling it to you without even knowing.

Whatever, you can pretend that everything’s normal. With a barely natural cough, and the even more suspicious dismissive wave of the hand, you try to kill the conversation, “It was just my coworker getting on my nerves again, it’s whatever.”

Jungkook is watching you soundly. It’s nothing unusual for him. He’s the kind of persons that lean in when they listen to you, you never know how conscious they are of it but it’s like they really mean to make you feel important and heard. Therefore it shouldn’t worry you, he’s just doing his usual thing.

It still makes you grow increasingly more nervous.

It is factual that it is never “whatever”. The topic of your stupid dumb bitch of a coworker messing with you has always been a pressing subject you, every now and then, more often than you’d like, needed to ramble about to anyone willing to listen because she tended to make your life a pure living hell. The job sucks in itself but she made it a hundred times worse. And here you are, dismissing it. How suspicious.

“When you texted me yesterday, I thought it was for something bad.” He starts, frowning and staring deep inside the empty cookie package sitting on the table. “Then I saw you earlier and I thought it was for something really good, because of your face.”

“What’s up with my face?” You try to play it cool. Play it nonchalant and oblivious. If you can’t see the aura of contentment he can visibly observe around you, surely you’ve seen the glow up your skin has encountered since you’ve started using this sex toy. Unexpected benefit of using it that wasn’t even listed on the box, the stress it’s relieved and the pleasure it’s given have just cleared your skin out. Unbelievable but true. And apparently, he noticed.

“I don’t know. You look really... contented.”

“Contented?”

“Yeah...”

You shrug, looking down, at the crumbs on your side of the table, praying silently that the embarrassment you feel creeping up your face doesn’t show. “I’ve been used to you looking tired and all but you look-“ Like every single once of misery has been fucked out of your system. “Lately, you look... good.” The chosen adjective makes you tilt your head. For so many reasons, you didn’t expect to hear this one and for similar reasons, you don’t understand what he means. Without having you saying aloud anything, he gets your dubious grimace and chuckles, “Rejuvenated, actually.” Even worse.

To simplify in a few words, you used to look like an old decrepit hag and now that you’ve been thoroughly fucked -by yourself technically but still- you look rejuvenated. A word literally no one ever uses in real life.

You detest that he’s probably right. And now, embarrassment is not creeping but actually moving in, with all its stuff and luggage. Hopefully though, again, it doesn’t show on your stupid youthful face. “Are my compliments making you blush?”

Great.

“You can’t make me blush, moron. And if you think those were compliments then-“ You give him big wide eyes of “well fuck” and of course he laughs at that.

“Indeed, I can’t make you blush.” He has his serious, investigating type of expression again. You almost expect him to fetch a little notebook out of his pocket and start scribbling observations while asking you more questions.

“What’s making you blush then?”

“I’m not blushing, it’s just hot.” His eyebrows jump in a rude disagreeing curve. You don’t get why. It can happen, to be hot outside, at the near end of Korea’s winter, while simultaneously having red and painful looking fingers on the verge of congelation desperately seeking warmth in your pockets.

And maybe because it’s not the first time, he’s getting better at catching the signs, at drawing the lines in between the clues. Your caricatural post-orgasm happy face, your systematic defensiveness whenever the conversation is leading somehow to your sexuality, the blatant tell of shame on your cheeks when there’s nothing else ever that embarrass you in front of him. There’s only the common cause missing and quickly, ignoring completely your attempts at diverting the conversation on something else, a giant light bulb turns on on top of his head. It brings the light of understanding through his eyeballs who suddenly look extra bright.

“You used it.” For a second, you consider packing up your things and just leave this fucking terrace along with the conversation. But you’re cold as fuck, the way home seems like too much torture to be going through alone.

Why are you like this?

Maybe there’s a vain hope that it will lead to some resolution. Some pleasant resolution. Maybe he won’t talk about it ever again if you just accept to have this conversation without showing the stubborn reluctance you’ve used each time.

“Yes, I did. So what?” His grin is blinding. It’s one of the very very wide, very very bright ones. So wide it shows all his teeth and it doesn’t even look like the cute bunny smile anymore. It’s the predatory grin. It’s intimidating to solely focus on therefore you chose to pick the corner of his eyes and the top of his nose, all wrinkled up that have anything but intimidation to them.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me.” You grimace. Indeed. You have no idea because you don’t even fucking understand.

“You’re a weirdo.”

“I’m just happy you used my dildo.” You scoff and almost choke at both his phrasing and the way he so naturally says the word while you’re outside. There’s no one as dumb as you to sit outside with this weather but still, someone passing by could hear.

Maybe there’s no deep further explanation to look for. Maybe it’s literally as simple as him getting you a present and him being happy that you found usefulness to it. Like most people. People are saddened sometimes pissed when they flop with presents. Maybe it’s that simple.

“Don’t say it like that.” He cackles like a witch and you know, that once again he’s just messing with you, knowing exactly what to do or say to tickle your patience.

“So I can gather it was good?” The worse of the nervous wave has passed. He asks quite nonchalantly. Perhaps it’s your ego wanting that but you hate the idea that you’d find yourself in a situation where he’s clearly more adult than you -even if on so many levels he is. If he can talk about it then you can. Try. You can try.

“Hm. Was nice.” You kind of sound the way you do when as a teen your mom would ask you about your day and you just didn’t want to answer because of laziness, lack of interest, lack of willingness to share, but that will do. He nods, smiles with his lips tight, rather fondly.

“How many times did you use it?”

Taking a deep breath, you mumble, shrugging faux casualness, “A few times.” More like a dozen times but he doesn’t need the details, does he? He nods again, still smiling, taking in your answer.

“Cool.” And he’s satisfied. With the answer and the turns of events as it seems.

There you go, you did it.

You resolved the thing.

Now he can leave you alone with your fantasies and your -not his but your- dildo and there wouldn’t be any further occasion to bring it up. You might be a coward but it’s perfectly fine by you.

Sounds absolutely peachy.

If he chooses to play his part right.

A/N: oh myyy, we’re getting somewhere arn’t we? i really hope you enjoyed this part, let me know your thoughts, scream your frustration, i’m all ears (or eyes). next update will be a double one because the first part is quite short. hoping you’re excited. i wish you a beautiful sunday and a lovely week. take care, lots of lots love.

Tag list: @infernal-alpaca @kaepjjangiya @channiespup @jinsonaz @kpopfandomftw @ggukkieland (sorry love)

IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, PLEASE ASK IN THE COMMENT, THANK YOU :))

#btswriterscollective #networkbangtan #ksmutclub #ggukienet #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkok smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #my writing

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scolopendreverie · 3 years ago

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(hope its ok if ill keep replying to ur post through asks so i wouldnt make the original post way too long with my reblogs but do let me know in case its better for me to just reply with a reblog! sorry am still a huge noob to tumblr lol)

this is actually such a good point with rime slowly coming up with an idea to use necromancy to bring Fe back as a second chance omg, i really like it. i keep thinking about how rime and felix always have been two big opposites yet the same at once, rime being a healer and working with the living to prevent them from dying, vs. felix who is working with the dead, toying around with the death itself, and trying to bring them back to life.

i wanna know if they had an argument about such things before or not (whether or not its ethical in their opinions), considering how rime said that felix robbed him off a peaceful afterlife, and he looked really down about it. i think that this line (besides letting us know that rime had no other choice but to be forced to serve the Shadow Lord in the void) is kind of a reference to rime still holding his religious beliefs a little, maybe? we don’t know what religion is like in the last legacy world still unfortunately, whether or not they have concepts of hell and heaven, so we can only make guesses so far, but i think that this is not as much as about people deserving a second chance at life, as respecting death? by that i mean rime believing that if someone dies, it’s not up to anyone to decide what happens next to them, other than their gods, perhaps, so that’s why he was always so hesitant about the idea of necromancy, as he believed that it would mean to go against their gods’ will. (assuming that rime didn’t like necromancy and speculating that this is what their religious beliefs are about. god i REALLY want to see rime & felix starsworn days together so bad, i wanna know what their dynamic before was like ugh!!!).

i feel like with this theory, for rime to decide that he has to try to bring felix back despite his firm beliefs on death, would also be a really huge step in his character progression and a very interesting inner conflict too. rime has to choose between felix and between his faith, and he has to find a way to bring back felix that wouldn’t force him to completely abandon his beliefs or go against them (contributing to his already emotional and mental turmoil). also i just love love love with how rime will slowly come to understand Felix’ perspective on necromancy too, he would probably also feel so bad that he finally gives it more thought only after he lost Fe.

also i really like how they’re both so different with the way they cope with grief, because i also am 100% sure that rime wouldn’t isolate himself from the rest of the world like felix did, because i imagine that since everyone were talking about rime being a great captain and a great leader, he must’ve been raised in a very strict family that was taking their duties very seriously, and would teach him the importance of being selfless and putting others before himself. so rime would probably just entertain the idea of isolation, but he still would force himself to go out there and interact with others, and making sure that the life goes on for everyone else, because if he failed as a healer, he can’t let himself fail any more as a captain, he has to keep going on, he has to keep living for others, he got obligations he can’t neglect, and busying himself with the presence of other people and work helps him to empty his mind for a while.

also imagine rime somehow finding out that felix first died when he was a little kid (idk if he found out about this from the lord of shadows or not in canon, but im assuming that this was the case?), how the shadow lord brought him back, and how the shadow lord took him away, as if felix was never supposed to live a long life, how he was a given second chance, and yet it wasn’t enough anyway. its such a cruel irony. and its almost as if felix was always cursed by the shadow lord from the very beginning, considering how escell only ever rose on top because of the deal he made with the shadow lord, as if felix’ life always belonged to him, and so rime wants to make it right this time and to make sure that felix is fully free and fully happy :(

he definitely wouldn’t be surprised to see fe being a little deranged, he would’ve prepared himself for any outcome for sure. now this makes me wonder what felix would feel about rime after he would be brought back, would he blame him like escell too? what would he be angry at rime for, hmmm

Sending more asks is perfectly fine!! You can also add a readmore on posts by putting :readmore: on its own line as well if you want to do that.

And the aspect of his religion adding a layer of conflict is a really neat take I didn't think of!! I don't know that they ever full on argued over necromancy, but I'm sure Rime likely had to (or tried to) reign Felix back when he felt he was going a little far, and just was more gentle about it.

And the part about discovering Felix's childhood death and how it would make him feel. Harmed me :) ow. <3 but God thats actually such a good point. It really is fucked up isn't it.

As for Resurrected Felix's opinions on Rime, I don't think he'd be very mad at him at all- he is after all coming from a very different angle than canon Felix did for Rime. Maybe once he gets a better hold of himself he'd feel bittersweet about it, how he would've rather never been brought back at all, but understanding it as a labor of love. And while still unhinged I think he'd be too preoccupied with the obsession to violently & forcefully claw back what little shambles of his life remain to consider his state was as a result of Rime's actions (he kind of 'idolizes' him too much to blame him, and honestly probably just sees this as another example of how he's seemingly cursed to know nothing but tragedy- something he feels inherent to himself).

One possibility that does come to mind is if, under the stress and frustration of trying to protect MC and stay calm and reel in Felix, he snaps a little at him-- nothing cruel or anything, completely justified for the circumstances, but Felix is... a sensitive case (dealing with him at this point is like diffusing the most complicated bomb), and now you've just made him think you actually Hate Him :)). It could definitely set him off. Idk if angry is the right word but UPSET definitely is, maybe a little bit of resentment as he convinces himself Rime is lying to him.

Great opportunity for this to be when he snaps and Rime takes the blow for MC, too. Rime would've probably had a split second where he would've been able to see that was what was about to happen and immediately regretted his words.

#last legacy #rime solano varela #felix iskandar escellun #roleswap au

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currently-evil · 1 year ago

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JHDGDJDDH i SUDDENLY REMEMBER I WANTED TO ANSWER TO YOUR TAGS, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LOOONG

All the kisses in the world for you!

He is better now! And it helps that Chen and Ricardo know him, and know exactly when he turns to his unhealthy coping mechanisms! They know how to love him and how to make him realize they love him.

Oh honestly, that must have been the worst moment of his life. He first had a mental breakdown and being dragged back to that hell and then over time another breakdown when he realized nobody is coming for him. Haha yeah, There is nothing like Farm! Am I right?

Oh yeah! I gave the boy too many issues. He needs help. It helps and I think he is really salty about it. He went to therapy kinda to spite Ortega. He was like "I will go to the therapy and I will show him how much stupid this is." but instead it... helped him?? The fuck?? Absolutely disgusting turn of events.

To be absolutely truthful with you, when I first created Rowan, the plan was to have two separate playthroughs for him, one where he gets help and gets better, where I could explore good choices and good endings.

And second where his fear of getting abandoned gets the better of him. Where he rejects everybody, refuses help and spirals into self destruction with just his goal of Farm annihilation as his sole reason for being.

And let me told you second AU got dark soon. It included: Rowan brainwashing Herald to get constantly informations about Rangers to the point he wasnt sure if Danny would be able to normally function without Rowan's control, actually brainwashing anybody he could, seducing Mortum as puppet to control him, joining Hollow Ground to create discord in his organisation and then take it over, have detailed plan how to neutralise and kill every Ranger, grow so cold and emotionless he wouldnt stop at anything to get what he needed, murder or torture included, spiral so bad with his mental health, he would for sure come back to self harm, his whole motivation would be "anything Farm related must be destroyed" that included scientists working there, all other personal, building, documents and even ReGenes including himself, So yeah after he acomplished everything he wanted he would put a bullet in his head and be done with it.

And gotta be honest as I was planning this AU two things hit me, First, holy fuck i need to calm down a little bit. And second, I dont actually want this AU. So i have just outline written somewhere and then I decided not to touch it anymore.

YEAH SO MY CANON IS HAPPY AND IN MY CANON WE HEAL AND GROW BETTER BABY

He kinda still believes it but he and his Therapist are working on it. Of course events of the game arent helping. It kinda goes like that:

Rowan: Things are too good lately. Its suspicious. It never stays like that for long. Something is coming. I dont know what, I dont know when but is coming. I am happy, too happy. I do not get to be this happy.

Mrs Therapist: Rowan we talked about you are allowed to be happy. Even too happy. I believe you are what we call Self - Fulfilling Prophercy. You believe something must happend, so you act as it will happend. You believe you're close ones will push you away so you push them away first. I need you to realise just because things are good doesnt mean there exist some great disaster around the corner just waiting for you.

Rowan:... well ok... I'll try.

Rowan later that day laying in the hospital bed with both of his legs broken staring furiously into celling:

I feel like at this point he isnt even having an emotional breakdown just kinda being: "Yeah OF COURSE this fucking happend, Jesus fucking Christ!"

He does not know! :) Farm is hard topic for Rowan, he kinda wants to forget everything, but he cant lol! He have hard time sharing anything that happend there. As mush as cruel it sound he might have easier time to say anything to Chen, because he have this reassurance that he can still just erase it from Wei's mind if it turns out to be too much.

Yeah he will tell his two boyfriend one day... but not anytime soon.

Okay okay okay

19. what scarred them the most about the heartbreak incident?👀👀👀

18. What is their greatest fear 👀

Ohho! honestly good questions! And even better I think they are connected when it comes to Rowan.

I might ramble a bit, but I will try to put everything the best way I can.

18. I think Rowan’s greatest fear is that good things that are happening to him are either not real or that he will be unable to keep them.

Of course It all starts with Farm and being Re Gene. His true identity is a constant buzzing noise in his head. He has friends, people who care about him, but he can't stop thinking if they knew, if they knew truly everything about him, they would turn away from him. They think they like him, he sees in their mind that they like him, but is it real? Would they still think the same if they found out he is a mere imitation of human beings? No. And it would hurt. Like hell. So the best option is to push them away. But he wants to be loved so much. He would push people away at the same time begging them not to leave him alone. I think He did it a lot with Ortega back in Sidestep days.

Poor Ricardo must have been confused all the time, until he figured Rowan out. Imagine Rowan just lashing out like “Cant you just leave me the fuck alone?? why cant you take a hint!!” and Ortega nodding like “ Yeah I will leave you alone, whatever you want, but do you want to go watch movies in my apartment?” and Rowan just staring at him flabbergasted like “......................yes ok”

When he finally believes something is real, is good and is for him, he can't stop his fear that it would not be his for long. That he would not be strong or alerted enough to defend himself or his happiness. That’s also a big reason why he has a really hard time, relaxing enough to have an actual full night of sleep.

The answer to 19 I think it would be connected to that. What scared him the most in Heartbreak was probably the fact how helpless he was and that his biggest fears were not unrealistic, the worst thing that could happen to him, did happen as he feared it would and he couldn't do anything to prevent it.

He was getting a cocksure of himself. He was running with rangers, he could fight. He thought himself so strong. But still He lost everything so easily. He had freedom, friends, he was happy and he had his own apartment and he was free from the Farm and it all changed in mere seconds. I think rowan was waiting all this time for foot to fall down, for something to happen. He was too happy, he was getting too comfortable. He couldn't stop himself from thinking, this can't be right, i can't just get so much good for so long. Something will happen, something must happen. But still when it did happen and he suddenly woke up back in Farm I think It shocked him deeply.

I think the years between Heartbreak and Rebirth were full of him trying to have good things and running away out of fear that these good things will be taken away from him. Honestly If Ortega wouldn't manage to make his dumb ass go to the therapy, things would turn really ugly.

But he is better now, I swear!

#Thanks for all your tags!!!!#they mean a word to me!!!#thank youuuu!!!#rowan rowan

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yeo-rims · 3 years ago

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this was such a good episode for me in terms of how much I got to understand the character’s motivation, even with all the pp (and lowkey want to buy almost everything I’ve seen) we got plenty of things to analyze. i’m going to start with jae eon and already brace myself for people misinterpreting what i’m saying, but homeboy is.... a mess. aside from the serial killer vibes he gives off with that butterfly thing he has going on, that scene when he catches another one and locks it up made me think of how bad he is at setting things free. and it all goes back to na bi, I don’t think he is in love with her (tho I must say he is so lonely he clings into people in a way that isn’t healthy for him... but more on that later), but I do think he doesn’t know how to not have something he wants. and how to just let her be free if that’s what she desires. like, dude became another person the moment na bi decided to break things off, volunteering to help, saying aloud he is jealous, having his hair down the way she wants, even unconsciously ignoring seol a (more on her later too). i don’t know if the drama will ever explore what made him that way, if it has something to do with his mom, but it feels like he doesn’t know how to be alone/can’t actually be alone. his relationship with seol a is so unhealthy and in a lot of moments, it feels like he is coping her (and others) instead of being authentic to himself. like, if i were to ask what is his personality... can anyone tell me that? we all say na bi has almost no personality, but the true mystery is this boy. he just mimics others, and aside from his obsession with butterflies I feel like he has nothing else going on from him. that’s mostly why he seems to have no friends because to have any meaningful relationship you have to get personal. seol a seems to be the one that knows him the best, but she also seems to use his weakness for her own good (he does seem to want to like to be a knight in shining armor, right? calling the cops for nabi, going to the hospital whenever seol a calls). and seol a knows she is the one for him and she plays with him and in a way it makes me think he goes with it because otherwise, he wouldnt even have this? like, the way he is committed to her isn’t the same way he is to na bi, he is always there for seol a no matter what. that’s why she was so annoyed when he didn’t answer her calls, because that’s not his usual behavior. which is hella unhealthy and they both need to just... not be together and get some therapy. na bi, tho, i’ve seen a lot of comments talking about her mental state, but I found it incredibly intriguing how she managed to work on her piece after she learned all that about jae eon and they both kinda decided to be friends. for once i enjoyed this narrative because they weren’t saying art is only good when you’re sad, but also made me wonder if acknowledging to herself that jae eon is terrible didnt actually relieve some of the weight she had on her shoulders. also the fact that he told her he wanted to do better, be someone different, as #days once said “false hope is hope nonetheless” i think that moved her a bit (and even if it’s not true, the fact that she was happy/hopeful for him still remains). i feel like she’s grown so much since the beginning, not only finishing a piece by herself, but standing up for herself (she is also so petty, i love that) and just learning that it is ok to want the things she wants and all that. it’s good, too, that she finally realized she likes jae eon, because now she isn’t in denial about what she wants and that’s the best way to move forward once she realizes he won’t ever be what she wants. and since we’re here, he shouldn’t be the person she wants him to be either. jae eon needs to be the person he wants to be, and he really needs to work on that because he is just pretending to be someone even he doesn’t like (sad, huh). and na bi too, she needs to understand that what she wants in a relationship is valid and she can find somewhere else. all that said, I truly hope he can change? Like, it feels so sad to watch someone just go thru life the way he does. I think na bi is already changing and I feel like her ending has more chances of being happy than his, and I suppose I just want him to understand that his way of living hurts others, for sure, but it’s probably destroying all the opportunities he will get of having meaningful relationships (any kind, tbh). in a way, I think they’re very much alike (they have no friends, they kinda just get thru life, they’re very petty and hate losing to others). I’m excited to see what’s potato boy role in all this now that they’ve changed things from the webtoon too. and like, if seeing the two of them together na bi can *SEE* the difference between someone treating her well and someone treating her the way she wants to be treated because he wants something.

#nevertheless #my two brain cells are talking #whenever i discuss jae eon people think im like a jae eon apologist or something when im actually just trying to analyze his character #but well_that's tumblr

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hobiscloset · 3 years ago

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It would be unfair of me to request screenshots of someone's mental collapse but any insights/source material/coping mechanisms you might share, please help a girl out I've been trying to wrap my head around hyyh for months (also v. v. glad you are both ok)

Above is a every small taste of the mental break down i had over like four different chats.

Anyway after reading a huge timeline here's what ive got. ( i plan to watch some video so i might update)

Backstory for each boy

Jimin - saw murder has ptsd

jhope - was abandoned by his mother and has a sleep disorder over the trauma

yoongi - mom died in a fire in front of him

jungkook - parent and or step brother are abusive

taehyung - abusive alcoholic father

namjoon - dad is sick, mom left them, evicted from home

jin - his dad is evil?

The middle bit is just like they all meet in detention and become friends. Great. We love it. All those fun party scenes in the music videos and them going to the beach and walking around train yard.

After that there is some kind of seperation and falling out. The comic and the music videos disagree about what causes this. Some people get kicked out of school or just people graduate and life gets in the way.

The next bit is basically Bad Thing happen to them. Jin is the only one not affected so he either gets a magic flower or a god gives him the power to jump back in time and trying to save everyone.

The Bad things

Namjoon - ends up in jail after getting into a fight with a customer

jungkook - jumps off a building

yoongi - burns his music or himself depending on if he realizes jungkook is dead. either way he's lighting shit on fire

Taehyung - snapping and murdering his abusive father

jimin - ptsd and isolation push him to committing suicide in the mental hospital OR he just wants to escape the hospital. very unclear

Jhope - faints and gets a head injury and then trips and falls down the stairs (sometimes to his death sometimes not)

Why everyone is obessed with it:

There's no resolution. It just ends in the loops. Its shown that Taehyung is having dreams letting him know they are trapped in time loops. but like. There's no explicit resolution to the comic (that i can tell im not gonna read it) or the overall plot.

Coping mechanisms?

the chat has basically decided to treat this timelines and entire universe like the Dark Fan Fic written by teens that it is. It reeks of ff.net on like 2007. Every single Harry Potter but Worse. Inyusasha but Terrible. The Foxhole Court if it was a multimedia project made by famous idols.

Insights

Jin's dad as the bad guy feels a bit like commentary on like consumerism and capitalism because its implied that he once had a group of friends and choose like profit and business over human connections. Also parents are evil lol.

From what I can gather the like "final" loop is when Jin stops trying to do it all himself and like has certain people save some of the others. Instead of dragging Yoongi out of the buring room he sends Jungkook there and like because they mean a lot to each other its better? Same thing with Jimin and Jhope at the hospital.

The details aren't important. What's important is that the message is that friendships and human connections can save you. That you are stronger with the people who love you. The message is open up to those that you trust about the things that bother you and they can help make it better.

Sure there are a lot of coded messages and imagery within the music videos but like if there wasnt it wouldnt be fun. As a writer myself what i took away from reading the entire timelines write up is that they really really wanted to make a story about the importance of human connection with others. The details dont make sense and fine. Sure.

Does that help?

-E

#hyyh #bts #not fashion #e takes direct control of the blog #the most beautiful moment in life #things are going well #lol

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uwumessenger · 4 years ago

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WAIT FLIP THE SWITCH WHAT IF THE OBEY ME BOYS WERE IN MYSTIC MESSENGER INSTEAD 😩

HAHAHA WAIT I LOVE THIS IDEA c racks knuckles aight here we go! slight spoilers for mystic messenger but nothing too much teehee

let's also pretend that they are restricted of their demonic power or at least have more control (kinda) over their impulses ! only did the bros for now but will eventually do the others afterward

lucifer

i definitely see him going down the common route, with jaehee

OR ANOTHER STORY WITH JIHYUN HHHHH

like can u imagine him bonding with jaehee over all their similarities

or being kidnapped by mint eye and then helping v thru his shit

his pride doesnt let him ask for help and he tries to escape the apartment/mint eye himself before finally accepting help from rfa

has a lot of beef w jumin

the party guests love him tho

mammon

hes a yoosung route boy i can feel it

mammon would get SO PISSED and IRRITATED with yoosung but help him cope with the whole rika thing at the same time

there's a sense of understanding bc of the lilith stuff

but has beef w jumin and v

likes zen and yoosung bc they remind him of asmo and levi. he misses levi a lot. they were lowkey partners in crime

has attempted to rob jumin, didnt end very well

also attempted to rob a bunch of the party guests. they do not like him

may or may not have gotten kicked out of the rfa but he doesnt mind

levi

levi x saeran ftw

levi is smart dont get me wrong but he would for sure listen to a stranger and go to an isolated location to "test a game" with said stranger.

he helps saeran/ray but might accidentally end up in one of the bad endings

rika would like him bc, as it is w almost everyone, levi and yoosung resemble each other to an extent

thinks that he really is in a game and that saeran managed to create very realistic irl characters

devildom game tech seems more advanced than human world stuff so it makes sense that he wouldnt realize that theyre real

would rate the "game" 9/10 and give saeran feedback then ask to play it again.

if he does the common route party guests would try to talk to him but he accidentally bit the dracula guy to try to seem dominant so now they all actively avoid him.

satan

a jumin route typa guy

jk theyd hate each other if satan was in mc's position

like, they would get along under any other circumstance but i think jumin would remind satan of lucifer as a first impression

and that lowkey creates the worst tension EVER

he'd have fun in v's route for sure tho. oh gosh

actually

i think satan would steer off path and become a cult/religious leader himself

he thinks it's the best way to outshine lucifer or prove himself or whatever 😭

and that my friends, is how satanism came to be!

party guests feel that something is off with him but cant put their finger on it. maybe it's just the way he's dressed.

asmo

hmmmmmmmmm jaehee route

he shares some common interests with her and would hype her up all the time

and help her stand up to jumin and go open that cafe!

only thing is asmo is a horndog so jaehee would not like how much he hits on other people when theyre hanging out LMAO

especially if he hits on zen

other than that asmo is way more chill than the others if they were to be in the game haha

well he's difficult in the beginning bc the apartment doesnt have many skincare items and he'd be freaking out

once he gets out he and jaehee would have a spa day

and he's sure to make it a monthly thing :')

party guests avoid him as much as possible but he ends up speaking w all of them anyway

beel

saeyoung's route

he too, is a twin, and could feel that there was something wrong. intuitively knows that saeyoung and unknown are connected somehow

all of rfa loves him!! especially yoosung. yoosung finds a lot of comfort in him

ignores the warning that leaving the apartment could make it explode bc he was just so. hungry.

jumin takes him out on wine tasting events

jumin also tried to make beel his bodyguard but it didnt work

tried to eat elizabeth but realized it was a cat, not cotton candy, and tried to steal it for satan

party guests love him too. except the udon bowl. we all know why...

belphie

mans for sure gets bad ending no matter which route he takes

ESPECIALLY V OR SAERAN'S OR YOOSUNGS

very much encourages rika and saeran to go farther with mint eye

and would try to recruit all of rfa

ends up overpowering rika and becomes the cult leader himself. wreaks havoc over the entire human race. barbatos, diavolo, and lucifer have to clean up the mess.

if we're talking about belphie post mc's death, he would be a little better

has beef with yoosung but only on accident

also has beef w jumin, v, and zen

meh toward jaehee

likes saeyoung, saeran, and rika

party guests are very iffy toward him. he sends shivers down their spines...

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maxwell-grant · 2 years ago

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Hmmm

-He'd probably be the most receptive to it, Benson could definitely use a good year of grief counseling, but he doesn't have much time for it, and he very much doesn't want to get over his wife and child considering how much he loves them and also, the bodies were never found, how's he going to get over them without being sure they're actually dead?

-Therapy sessions with Doc Savage should start with telling him no, he can't be his own therapist just because he's the most doctor of all time or something, and begin with the everything about his dad first, and then work their way through the rest of it later, but it's definitely not a one year effort

-Philo Vance probably should get a kick in the pants, yes

-Marlowe could use the help, but the therapist would probably get murdered as the start of the story or turn out to be a secret murderer behind a mystery Marlowe would have to solve. His problem is being a film noir guy, not a lot therapy can do there besides give him more cigarrettes to cope with.

-The Shadow has therapists on his payroll and he very likely wouldnt listen to any of them if they told him to take a year off for therapy, not seeing how anyone else would fare better. Margo might succeed in dragging Lamont to a few sessions, very slim odds but if anyone's getting The Shadow to stay on the couch it's her.

-I'm not sure if it wouldnt be counterproductive for The Spider to get therapy, on the basis that he would not survive his own adventures if he had anything like basic self-regard or psychological restraint. The therapist would probably tell him stupid things like to not brand the corpses he kills or to not crash cars into rampaging robot giants or to not bite gunmen in the dark while laughing and screeching maniacally, perfectly reasonable strategies he cannot and will not stop doing. Nita is the lynchpin of what little sanity he has but she's not gonna be much help here, I'm afraid.

-Y'know what, I'd vote for Randolph Carter. He's probably the only one here who'd actually go. Being a Lovecraft guy would qualify him by default but he's also Lovecraft's self-insert so, yeah, a year minimum.

-Feel like the "raised by apes" part is the last thing Tarzan would accept getting therapy for, because as far as he is concerned, the apes were fine; it's the rest of the world that sucks.

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em0avacado · 4 years ago

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They say

( Coco Cruz x Reader )

a/n : this is how i cope, don’t mind me, i’m just breaking my own heart.

trigger warnings : none i don’t think? except heart break, sadness. ends happy tho. i think. maybe.

word count : 2.4k

They say that, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be, if it doesn’t? well you just couldn’t accept that. You’d poured every ounce of yourself into him, you’d told him all your fears, all your pet peeves, all your insecurities, because you trusted him. You’d accepted all his weird quirks, all the strange habits he had that you looked past, youd accepted him for who he was, as you do when you love someone as much as you loved him. You supported him, mentally and physically, from up close and from far away. You encouraged him, reminded him of little things he easily forgot, you told him every day how proud you were of him, how loved and appreciated he was.

He used to do the same for you, used to. But at some point, he began holding back, he stopped doing things he started doing to win you over. You used to have a list of pet names hed call you when he babied you, now it was just ‘baby’ if he was in a good mood, or [Y/N]. You noticed it as soon as it started, you noticed everything. You knew he was stressed so you didn’t want to push it, but you also know that “stressed” was a norm for Coco, so you couldn’t wrap your head around it entirely. He started coming home later, crashing on the couch in hopes of “not disturbing your sleep.” it sounded like an excuse to you, and it hurt. it really fucking hurt you.

At some point, you’d had enough of your boyfriend distancing himself like that, ignoring your feelings, ditching you when you needed him, you couldn’t live that way, you wouldn’t. So, when he came home, you’d waited up for him, sitting at the small kitchen table you both used to enjoy your breakfast on every Sunday, now it stood empty, with nothing but a stack of newspapers from the passing weeks piled on it. With a bit of liquid courage crashing against the rocks of ice as you swirled the brown liquid around in the cup, your eyes felt red with fire, and your cheeks were stained with few dried tears that rolled down your face as your mind came up with the worst possible results you could imagine, all to which, came true. With a jingle of his keys in the lock, you straightened your posture, looking at him.

“What’re you doing up?” he asked her, that same vacant look on his face.

“I wanted to talk”

“it can wait till morning.”

“it really can’t.” with that, she was met with utter annoyance, and an obnoxious scoff that made her blood boil.

“go on then.”

“you’ve distanced yourself, so hard. I barely see you. We don’t sleep in the same bed, I can’t remember the last time you touched me, hell, even looked at me like you used to. What’d I do?” that was your go to, blaming yourself. It’s how you dealt with the unexplained.

“Get off my ass, [Y/N].” He dismissed you, you watched as he pulled off his kutte, and settled into the couch. You kept your eyes on him, murder on your mind. God he irritated you, you wanted to take his neck between your hands and wring it. Maybe that’d breathe some sense into him, if you deprived him of oxygen a little. But you didn’t need another felony charge, you inhaled deeply, balling your fists, the sting of your nails digging into the palm of your hand bringing you back from picturing all the ways you’d brutally murder him, out of love, of course.

If you loved someone... you’d refrain from strangling them, you turned from the spot you stood, and headed into the bedroom. You did the breathing exercises your therapist had taught you, but they worked only slightly. You grabbed a duffel bag, and started shoving clothing into it, as much as you could, you pushed all the belongings you’d need the next few days, and zipped it up. Pulling on a hoodie, you tossed the bag over your shoulder, and headed out. You walked passed him without a word, when you went to grab your car keys, you did the only petty thing you’d let yourself, trying to be the better person, you hid every single key to everything you had, knowing how easily he lost keys, you’d help him, in your own favour, however.

You left, and you didn’t look back. You couldn’t. The mere thought of Coco made you tear up, and it didn’t help that every tiny thing made you think about the lost love that still caused your chest to feel like it was about to concave. This wasn’t natural, you hadn’t felt like this, you were the queen of bottling up emotions, and ignoring them so you didn’t feel the pain of anything. But as you lived and breathed, everything reminded you of him.

You were in the middle of a girls lunch date, it’d been weeks since your seen your girlfriends since you’ve been trying to isolate yourself trying to get over this man, in the midst of drinking mimosas on the balcony of one of those entirely too fancy restaurants, you were laughing at highschool memories of your best friend who would start fights in the halls because she was bored, it was then, when a roar of motorcycles sped past where you were sitting, and it threw you into a whirl wind of emotions.

“make sure you hold on tight, mamas. Wouldnt want you to fall off.” the smirk heard in Coco’s voice sent a chill down your spine, being too intimidated by any sort of physical contact, usually, you usually ease yourself into it, but with Coco? It was brash and sudden, he started the bike, and gave you maybe a millisecond to grab a hold on him.

A little squeal forced its way out of your mouth as you quickly grabbed onto him, gripping onto your own hands, clinging to him. You buried your face in his shoulder. You felt him chuckle, and wanted to knock him out right then and there, but perhaps that wasn’t the best idea. It took you a moment, but once you opened your eyes, and watched as buildings, cars, people, hills and piles of dirt passed you by, trees whipping by. You felt yourself calm, you felt at peace. The wind flipped through your locks of hair, his scent filling your senses.

“This isn’t that bad.” you heard yourself admit in a soft mumble, you shut your eyes and felt the wind attack your face, balancing your inner battles with yourself. You felt peace in Coco, he tamed your chaos, and you his. God, what you’d give to feel like this all the time, but you only felt it with him.

You felt your throat burn, your bottom lip lodged itself between your teeth, and you did your best to fight the rage that tinged your eyes with tears. Your friends saw this, noticing immediately, the emotion that washed over your face, paling your features and dimming a smile that brought them laughter that lasted for days. You’d always been the group clown, with the loudest laugh, the brightest smiles, you were the one they’d all turn to when they couldn’t hold themselves up. You were a force to be reckoned with, you fought their battles when they couldn’t even hold themselves up. You never failed to show up with booze and ice cream to heal broken hearts. You brought things that made you think of friends, you remembered the finest details and came through every time. You listened to the quietest ones, heard every story, laughed at the lamest jokes. Seeing you with tears streaming involuntarily down your face as you tried to hide it, wiping them as fast as they came, it broke their collective hearts. They looked at one another, an unspoken question “how do you skip to the part of the storm that sprouts the flowers when the rain stops?”

Your relationship with sleep was toxic, it came and went as it pleased, your eyes were sunken, it was three A.M. and you felt your thoughts running through your mind a million miles a minute. Your head in your hands as another memory floated to the surface.

Panic overwhelmed you, hearing something, or someone, rustling around the kitchen, you grabbed the gun you kept tucked under your mattress. You cocked it, and took the safety off, holding it out in front of you in a defensive position. You opened your creaking door, the noise working at your nerves as you creeped into the kitchen where the only thing that illuminated the dark room was the bulb from the old white fridge. You watched silently as the head ducked from inside the fridge, you found it peculiar, but all you saw was a figure in your home you didn’t know. Getting closer, you held the barrel of the gun to the head of the man that stood in your kitchen.

“Hands up, Foo. Before I blow your brains all over my backsplash.” You threatened, your voice tense, and you were met with laughter that was all too familiar. Furrowing your brows, you were still panicked, not thinking straight. You shifted the gun so the bullet that was about to fly, only ripped through his hair. The shot rang loud, causing Coco, who you didn’t know was Coco, to crash to the ground.

“Crazy bitch!” he shouted, you flicked on the light, still having the gun pointed at him. Your eyes widened quickly, the man on your floor was Coco, and now there was a bullet lodged into your ceiling. You could kiss your security deposit goodbye, fuck, and you just shot at Coco. You put the safety back on, and set it on your counter before going to help him. A few minutes passed before both of you sat in fits of laughter, him mocking your voice, your words.

Coco told you so many times that the night you nearly shot him in the head, was the night he fell for you entirely. Sure, he’d known you were the one way before that. That night, though, he knew he was in love with you. That night he swore he’d break past your barriers, he’d demolish how you saw yourself, he taught you to love you, he made you promises to show you love like no other, and to show you that you didn’t have to be afraid of either physical and emotional aspects of love. He did do exactly that, but then ripped it away from her. Leaving her heart with him, and her chest feeling heavy with nothing. Once again tears were brought to your eyes, you were thankful for his love, but without it? you wished you’d never had experienced it in the first place. Maybe you wouldn’t be hurting now.

You were brought out of your train of thought by the knocking on your door, furrowing your brows, you got up from your spot on the counter, where you were thinking of better times, you looked through the peephole and it felt like someone took a vacuum to your weak lungs. Coco. Struggling to breathe proper, you just intended on ignoring him, it was the first time in months youd seen him and you didn’t know if you could handle it. Your heart screamed at you to let him in, he looked beat up, tired, and one of his eyes was bandaged up, he looked broken. you wanted to embrace him, forget the distance, but your mind scolded you, reminding you of the progress youd made, bouncing back from the pain oh so slowly. This could set it all back. So you decided, you wouldn’t open the door. He’s a big boy. You silently turn on your heel, away from the door.

“I’m sorry.” you heard him rasp, and you froze in your spot, a deer caught in headlights. You couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. “I know you’re there, I know you’re awake and I know you know it’s me. You have your kitchen light on, so I saw you stand on your toes to look through the peephole because you’re too short.” you cursed his observant ways, how well he knew you, like he had quirk notes tattooed on the back of his hand and read them like a bible. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice when you left, that I was too deep in my own world to see how me fading away for my own selfish needs was hurting you. I’m sorry I made it seem like I didn’t care, that it hurt you, I’m sorry that I made promises and broke them. I started thinking about things I never knew I wanted until you marched your stubborn self in my life and gave me a taste of a love that changed me. It scared the fuck out of me.”

That familiar burn of emotion lit up your head, and singed your chest. You let his words sink in, you couldn’t speak, not yet. Squeezing shut your eyes, you turned back to the door, setting your hand on the knob. You felt the door shift, like he’d gotten up from leaning his head against the poorly tinted wood. He got it, you could feel him prepare to walk away. If you love something, let it go. But Coco came back. He came back. You unlocked it, and turned the knob. Looking at him through sore eyes. “Running when you’re scared isn’t an option for me.” you said, defeat obvious in your voice. He stopped, turned to you and closed in quick. You pushed his hands away. “You can’t - You can’t just show me, tell me, and hold it to me that i shouldn’t shut you out, and i should trust you, and i should turn to you before anyone and anything else only to turn around and do that to me. You can’t do that and come running back.” you practically yelled at him, your voice shaking and raw.

“I know, I know I’m sorry.” he said, his hands dropping to his sides when you reached forward and yanked him in with all your might. The gesture was aggressive, sure. But pure.

“i’m sorry too.” you muttered, embracing him tightly.

—

tag list :

@queenbeered

@mayans-sauce

#coco x reader #coco cruz #mayans fanfic #mayans mc #fanfic #richard cabral

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