#sure i know how to read and do math or whatever but 1: i knew how to read before preschool and 2: taxes. you didnt help at all

[twdgs]

school is good but also awful and unnecessary at least 50% of the time. its way more complicated than that but like. i’m almost out of high school and in all my years of doing this shit, i learned most of my knowledge with hate in my soul because the experience is grating and infuriating on every level

[murdockparker]

Roses and Regrets - Part 1

Anthony Bridgerton x Reader

Summary: Freshly out of mourning, Lady Barlow, née (Y/L/N), makes her re-debut in society. If only she could simply ignore a certain viscount...

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: none. enemies to lovers!!

A/N: I didn't expect this lil requested fic to turn into such an event, let alone a multi-part story! so, you're welcome or I'm sorry?

next part

__

She was perfectly happy. 

Well, supposedly right now she wasn’t. 

Her husband, Lord Barlow, had passed away ten months ago, leaving her with an empty estate, a shiny title and more money than she knew what to do with. Lord Barlow was an old viscount, desperate for an heir and willing to do anything to get one. 

In came Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N).

Young, beautiful and well-bred, she was the perfect choice for any man of the ton. If only her father hadn’t a penchant for gambling. Perhaps she’d be married to a man more suited for her rather than the oaf of a dustbin she was forced to be with. She was no fool in believing in a love match for herself, rare and far between as they were, no, but she did have half a mind to imagine a kinder man as her husband. A man who perhaps cared even a little bit for her wellbeing. 

No matter. 

A dead man cannot care for her wellbeing either. 

“Lady Barlow,” a maid knocked, entering the ornate drawing room.

“Yes?” (Y/N) did not look up from her reading—the newest edition of Whistledown had just been delivered. While she herself was never one to gossip terribly, it was quite fun to keep up with the circus of the season. 

“Do you plan on attending the Danbury ball this eve?”

“I do not see the point,” she scoffed playfully, “after all, Meg, I am but a widow in mourning.”

“Perhaps her ladyship should reconsider?” Meg asked gently, placing a new pot of tea next to her lady. “I rather think it has been a socially acceptable amount of time since your husband’s passing.”

“If I am not to enjoy the perks of being a widow,” (Y/N) sighed, finally looking up at her favorite lady’s maid, “whatever is the point?”

“Perks that Viscount Barlow has graciously allowed you to use during your time of mourning—”

“The current viscount is all but twelve,” (Y/N) reminded. “He has no use for this estate in Mayfair until he himself becomes an adult, in which, I am sure he and his mother will come to make use of it. I believe if my maths are correct, that leaves me all of six years or so to use this home.”

“Forgive me my lady, but should you not be looking for a new husband, then?”

(Y/N) smiled at Meg. She enjoyed their friendship, her maid being only a handful of years older than herself, it made for a likely pair. “No one wishes to marry a widow,” she said simply, “widows are damaged goods. Every sensible man of the ton will be wanting a pretty little virgin instead.”

“My lady!”

“What?” She barked a laugh. “You know it to be true.”

“Regardless,” Meg said, clearing her throat. “Lord Barlow passed nearly a year ago, the period of mourning is rightfully over. You are expected to rejoin society.”

“Dreadful.”

“It is expected,” Meg repeated.

“It does not make it any less dreadful,” (Y/N) said. “Very well. Pull a dress and prepare a bath, it seems the ton gets to see my dreary face once again.”

—

Anthony Bridgerton was a man scorned. 

Particularly by his own mother in this very instance. How foolish he had been to share his intentions of marriage this season with her—for now she spread the news like a wildfire. Every desperate mama and her equally desperate daughter came flocking to him like bees to honey. 

It was only now, in the dark corner of the ballroom, that he found a respite.

“Looking a bit green, Lord Bridgerton,” a voice beside him called out. 

“I am not—” Anthony had huffed a reply before even knowing whom he was speaking to. “Lady Barlow.”

“I am shocked you can recall my name,” (Y/N) laughed over her champagne flute. “Considering how many new ones you’ve had thrown at you this eve.”

“You are out of mourning.”

“Is that a question?”

“It was an observation,” Anthony corrected.

“What gave it away? My bright dress? No tear stains left on my cheeks?”

“You are here, out and about,” Anthony said. “And, forgive me for not playing along with your delusions, but I do not think you cried much at all for Lord Barlow’s passing.”

“How dare you assume such a thing,” (Y/N) faux gasped. She had intended on pressing a hand to her chest. Intended, anyway. Somehow she forgot all about the champagne currently residing it her grasp. “Damn… this was a new dress too.”

“Good God,” he laughed. “First you are spilling all over yourself like a child and now you are cursing—tell me, do all married ladies act like you?”

“I am a widow,” (Y/N) had found a cloth and begun dabbing up the spill. It had only dribbled at most, but still, it was a new dress. “I rather think I can act the way I please.”

“Like a drunkard?”

“Like a free woman,” she said, fighting every childish urge to stick her tongue out at the viscount. “I am only here to show my face, prove I am still alive and I shall go about my merry way.”

“Lady Danbury is a widow,” Anthony noted. “Yet she still mingles with society.”

“I am not Lady Danbury.”

“You are not.”

“Do you not have young misses to go and woo?” (Y/N)’s eyes hardened. “Take your pick from the litter, Lord Bridgerton, any of them would be pleased to spend such valuable time with you.”

“Are you insinuating you are not?”

“I rather thought it was a statement, yes,” (Y/N) said.

Anthony’s eyes went only a fraction wider, nostrils flaring. “Well, if that is what you wish—”

“It is not a mean of wishing,” she laughed, “but really a necessity.”

“Good evening, Lady Barlow,” Anthony sneered, smoke practically coming out of his ears. If (Y/N) had half a mind she’d call for the authorities to put that fire out, instead, she simply finished her drink and smiled wistfully at the dancing ballroom, feeling fulfilled. 

—

Dearest Gentle Reader,

The season is in full swing thanks to the mark of Lady Agatha Danbury’s ball, a notable and traditional first event of the London scene. Eligible young ladies now on the Marriage Mart were enjoying their first taste at what fine society has to offer, however taxing or daunting it may be. 

Our resident Capital ‘R’ Rake, Viscount Anthony Bridgerton is finally deciding on a wife, surely making him the finest catch of the season. Matchmaking mamas and their young ladies alike were seen flocking to him like petulant children asking their parents for pin money, thanks to his own mother, Lady Bridgerton’s declaration of such an idea last night. The viscount seemingly had enough of the attention, taking like a wallflower and hiding away in the back of the ballroom near the end of the evening. 

His company? None other than Lady Barlow, evidently out of mourning as of last night. While the this Author is under good authority that the match between Lady Barlow and the late Lord Barlow was not a love match, given their fourty or fifty year age difference, it has taken the new dowager viscountess longer than most anticipated for her to get back into the season. A woman as young as Lady Barlow would be eager to find another husband to support her, but something tells me that she is quite enjoying her time as a widow and will not easily give that up. 

While this Author has very little idea of the actual nature of the relationship between Lord Bridgerton and Lady Barlow, it is only to be assumed that it is simply not a favorable one. The two were seen making a scene by the refreshment table, a scene that went unnoticed by many prying eyes of the ton, leaving Lord Bridgerton storming away and Lady Barlow with the winning hand. 

Good show, Lady Barlow. 

Lady Whistledown Society Papers

—

“Brother! You are in Whistledown!” Eloise sang to no one in particular. 

“I have no care that I am in that gossip rag,” Anthony ground out, rustling his newspaper. “I can only imagine it is just another advertisement of my search for a wife this season.”

“Er, yes, however—”

“However?” Anthony’s attention immediately shot up to his sister, newspaper be damned. 

“Who is Lady Barlow?” Eloise asked. 

“No one of importance,” Anthony could feel his temperature rising. 

“Lady Barlow?” Benedict laughed. “Is that who you were talking to last night dear Brother? Is she not still in mourning?”

“No.”

“No it is not who you were talking to, or no she is not still in mourning?” Benedict gave his brother an amusing glance.

“Oh, according to Whistledown—”

“Sister—”

“Eloise, you may not recall Lady Barlow, given you only just came out this season,” Benedict began, deciding that this conversation was very much worth his time this morning. “But she used to go by Miss (Y/L/N) before her marriage to the late viscount.”

“(Y/L/N)…” Eloise looked to the ceiling, finding nothing in particular. “Oh! Is she not the woman who—”

“I am taking my leave,” Anthony said abruptly, newspaper all but forgotten. 

“Escaping, Brother?” Benedict asked. 

“I have calls to make,” Anthony sneered, ignoring the pleased face his brother was making. “Excuse me.”

“It seems Lady Barlow is a touchy subject,” Eloise noted as her eldest brother left the drawing room. Benedict snorted. “What?”

“You do not even know the half of it, dear Sister.”

Anthony Bridgerton, did not in fact, have any calls to make. He had no impressionable interactions last night to warrant such a visit to anyone—the Queen was still in need of naming her diamond, after all—but he had no desire to stay and be berated by his family this morning. He truly had no plan, no thought in his head on where he was going, he just simply was. 

Apparently he was going to the park.

It was still early in the day, few people graced the park at such an hour. The few who did, however, were too busy reading the latest Whistledown to even notice him. Anthony saw a handful of post boys running opposite of his direction on his way here, it was only natural they scoped out this location. He knew it was going to be a problem the minute they finished reading—if Lady Whistledown truly wrote about him, which he had no reason to believe his sister was lying about, all eyes would be on him.

“Might as well enjoy the peace and quiet for now,” Anthony exhaled. He took a quick glance at his watch—half past eight. Hardly could he recall a time he took a turn about the park on his own, usually he was in the company of his family or holed away in his study worrying about expenses and the like, never did he take a moment to actually enjoy the grand weather such as the kind today. Determined to enjoy it, he sat down on a favorable bench and watched the birds swim across the pond.

“Unbelievable.”

He turned his head, only to find Lady Barlow dressed in a rather pleasantly pink dress and matching hat, a look of distaste on her face.

“I didn’t take you as the park-going type, Lord Bridgerton,” she nodded, folding her hands. She had been carrying a small red book in one of them. “Especially at such an early hour, too.”

“Lady Barlow,” he nearly sneered. “Can a man not enjoy the park?”

“Oh surely a man can,” (Y/N) agreed. “But you? You are no man.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It seems to me that you’re sitting in my spot,” she ignored his quip, readjusting her stance in annoyance. “This is where I come to read.”

“Can you not read elsewhere?” Anthony asked. “There is an entire park at your disposal.”

“No,” she hummed. “Afraid not.”

“No?” He laughed. “Surely out of the entire park you can find a suitable spot to read your—let me guess—romantically inclined fodder?”

“Poetry,” she corrected, “and no, I cannot simply read elsewhere. The shade is just right under this tree and I rather like overlooking the pond between my chapters.”

“Shame I got here first, then,” Anthony clicked.

“You…!” (Y/N) scoffed, fighting every urge in her body to stomp her foot. “You are an impossible man, surely you know that?”

“I thought you said I was no man?” Anthony’s brow quirked. “Or perhaps I misheard?”

She scowled. “You are not amusing.”

“On the contrary,” Anthony leaned back on the bench, stretching his arms and taking his claim. “I find myself very amusing.”

A duck quacked from the pond, either laughing at the viscount or agreeing with him—it was hard to tell. 

“You leave me no choice,” (Y/N) said sternly, taking a seat on the other end of the bench—feeling worlds apart from the man on the far side. In actuality, it couldn’t have been more than two feet, three at most.

“Truly?” Anthony laughed humorlessly. “You cannot be serious.”

“Hush,” (Y/N) said, opening her book in earnest. “I am trying to read.”

While there had been no guns drawn, this was a duel, in every sense of the word. Both parties sitting still as statues, Anthony’s gaze trained on the pond, (Y/N)’s on her book. Occasionally, she’d flip her page to the next, huffing every time Anthony still did not get up and move on. 

Stubborn. Both of them.

“Will you be quiet?” Anthony said, growing exasperated. “I cannot think when you are breathing so loud—” 

“You wish for me not to breathe?” She shut her book. “I never anticipated you’d wish me dead—”

“Please,” Anthony said. “You know that is not what I mean at all.”

“I never know with you. You, Anthony Bridgerton, are an enigma and I hope I never have the pleasure of truly understanding you,” (Y/N) said, fingers whiting from her grip on her book.

“So you admit it would be pleasurable?”

She wanted to wipe that grin off of his face, how, she was unsure. Idly, she thought about how a good smack to his cheek would feel. Painful in the moment but oh-so wonderful after, cathartic, probably. “I am not getting up.”

“Neither am I.”

“I am willing to die on this bench,” (Y/N) spat.

“Funnily enough,” Anthony’s voice dropped, “so am I.”

“How are you to find your viscountess on this bench?” She asked, angling her body towards the torturous man. “Surely you do not expect her to just walk past?”

“I am sure I can manage,” Anthony said calmly. “Many young ladies will walk this way when they see me sitting here."

“Even with another woman sitting beside you?”

“I rather think they’ll find you easy to ignore, I know I do.”

“Ha! You are truly something else, Lord Bridgerton,” (Y/N) sat straighter. “Insulting a polite woman in public?”

“You are the furthest thing from polite,” Anthony leaned in. “Rude, ostentatious, quite full of herself—”

“Might I offer you a mirror?” The grip on her book tightened, cover bending from the force. “Or are you afraid you’ll see horns?”

“Oh, do they match yours?” He nearly sang. 

“Funny,” she clicked, finally setting her book down, lacing her fingers together in her lap. “You should run a comedy act at the circus, seeing as you are a right clown.”

Anthony stood up, whether by the force of his breath or sheer spite he will never know. “You are the most ridiculous woman I have ever met.”

(Y/N) met his height, now standing as well. “And you are the most irritating man I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.”

“I am going to walk this way,” Anthony said, forcefully pointing to his right, eyes not leaving hers. She did have the most remarkable eyes.

“And I will walk this way,” she pointed to her left, less force in her action but seething all the same. “Have the day you deserve, Lord Bridgerton.”

“Why you little…!”

She had already turned and stomped away, a fuming smudge of pink against the greenery of the park, growing further away with every step.

“What a wretched woman,” he mumbled, looking down at his watch again—nine on-the-dot. In the corner of his eye, something bright red caught his attention. Her book. She had left it behind.

Perhaps he would burn it.

Perhaps he would just put it in his pocket and carry about his day.

In the pocket it went. For now.

[kayvsworld]

my roman empire is that i’m convinced there had to have been a second surgery during tony’s captivity. listen. listen. we don’t see it suddenly he just Has the arc reactor but ok. the electromagnet looks. fairly shallow. like we can see the bit that is the electromagnet and it’s in there a Little bit it’s not Fit Your Entire Hand In There like the casing for the reactor is later. there also isn’t an obvious like… casing around it. it’s just kind of Thing On There.

they had to fit the reactor in there somehow. likely had to make the existing,,,, space, deeper. i just… i’m obsessed with all the spaces during the captivity that we don’t see. did tony tell yinsen what he was doing? at what point did they have the discussion of how to get it in there? they had cameras! it must have been obvious at some point that whatever he was making was Not a bomb. especially when they got to having install it. and also “install” is. not a word that really conveys exactly what would have had to happen holy shit.

(also again, gotta be how stane knows about the reactor in the first place, right? the rings would have known about it and he was in contact with them. it wasn’t rhodey or pepper who told him.)

also. something i cannot stop thinking about. the “it could power your heart for a lifetime/or something big for 15 minutes” conversation and how that is one of Thee thrulines in both im1 and 2. tony consistently choosing to use the reactor in ways that make it more dangerous for him.

also. do you think that tony knew it would poison him. do you think even as he was making it and preparing to get it put in his chest he knew the palladium was going to be a problem. do you think he was always, from the second he woke up attached to a car battery, operating on the assumption that he was living on borrowed time?

i just. augh. AHHHH. im1 + 2 movies that make me INSANE

OH ONE HUNDRED PERCENT I AM ALWAYS SAYING THIS. YOURE RIGHT

the electromagnet was surface level. the reactor has Housing it has a big metal tunnel into his chest that pepper can stick her whole hand down to fish out an electromagnet and she has to play operation not to have the wire touch the casing on the way back out there is a Foundation Of Metal going on. also based on how it works there's definitely a pacemaker type of deal installed at some point here

guy has a titanium pringles can in his chest and it's got to be bolted into his ribcage so it doesn't move around like the first thing he and yinsen are drafting in that cave is 100% a solution for"how do we fit this thing into my chest without killing me" there just has to be a second surgery. and tony is NOT a doctor he is NOT a surgeon so yinsen's input is definitely needed here to make sure it also doesn't. like. kill him horribly god the cave sequence is grim

(obadiah knowing about the reactor from the 10 rings is both better and worse than finding out from rhodey thanks i'm pacing around the room)

raza doesn't look that surprised when he sees the reactor in tony's chest?? so i think we have to assume that at least Some conversation was had re: "listen the thing you want him to build is going to take longer than the week he has to live, the math does not check out, we have do to this one thing first" but like how tense was it buying that kind of time. i'm fine

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ REVISION BY KADIGAN......

also YEAH i DO think he knew as he was making it that the palladium was going to be a problem i think he started keeping tabs on it from the second he got home, iron man 1 and iron man 2 are just part 1 and part 2 of the same movie they're continuous they're back to back they're so good they make me insane

[blankdotcom]

Why I believe it makes the most sense for El to end up single (and why she was in a relationship in the first place)

To start off an analysis I like to just take a look at the internal conflict of a character because this explains lots of their actions. An internal conflict is a characters personal struggles with their fears or flaws. This internal conflict is not always resolved, but most of the times it is. Now before I say what I believe Elevens internal conflict is, even if I am accurate the writers might decide to not resolve this conflict for whatever reason, so just keep in mind that this is just a theory 👍

From what I’ve seen since Season 1 to Season 4, Elevens internal conflict has been been isolated from the world and lacking skills she would have and should have learnt at a young age (i’m sure there is an adjective that describes that but i do not remember so i’m sticking with that).

Eleven was thrown in a lab like an experiment ever since she was first born. She was isolated from the real world and stuck in a lab where she wasn’t treated like a real human but like a prisoner or patient. She never learnt how to communicate, read, or anything else a child should be learning, especially when they’re at school age. She had never seen outside.

So when she escaped the lab, that was the first time she saw the real world, and like any child who sees something they’re unfamiliar with, she was scared. All she ever knew was the lab.

So when she stumbles across a trio of boys and one of them takes her into his house for shelter, it’s pretty natural she grows dependent on him. And that just so happened to be Mike.

It was Mike who teaches her how to speak, gives her clothes, you know, treats her like a human being. But the thing is that wasn’t the norm to El, so this behaviour seemed wayyy above the standards. To her, he appeared to be treating her special. Expect Mike was just doing what he thought was right, what he thought was the standard.

Also, little reminder that Eleven never had friends, let alone a boyfriend. In fact, she didn’t even know what a friend was until Mike explained it to her, so I think it’s okay to assume she did not know the difference between platonic feelings and romantic feelings for someone.

And since Mike had helped her so much and because she depended on him so much for knowledge on things, whether that be social or just intelligence, she assumed what she felt was romantic.

I think where we can see this the clearest is in Season 3. In this season Eleven branches out in terms of friendship, creating a bond with Max.

The very moment Max starts to teach her independent thinking like “You make your own rules”, lets her have more freedom to explore on her own, like in the mall, give her comics (reading), she dumps Mike.

She does this because she doesn’t need him anymore, she doesn’t have anything to depend on him for, she can do it herself or get Max to help her.

Now I’m not saying El doesn’t actually love Mike, because you obviously form a bond with the person who saved you in the middle of the forest and took you in, what I’m saying is that it’s not romantic love, it’s platonic love.

This moment where she’s becoming independent could have resolved her internal conflict, but then she had to move states and with unfamiliar environments come old familiar habits, which in this case was getting back together with Mike.

But in Season 4 Eleven starts going to school, finally learning English, Math, etc. (I’d like to point out her struggle with making friends does contribute to what i speculate her internal conflict is). She also still has all the things Max taught her. So I think this is why Eleven was more comfortable fighting with Mike and standing up for herself, because she doesn’t depend on him anymore like she used to.

Now for Season 5, I honestly don’t know how this would play out expect for the fact she would end up single to resolve this internal conflict. How that happens? How she acts towards Mike? I have no clue👍 But I would love to hear other people’s opinions on this

[skwpr]

A simple representation of images does not offer enough for proper memorization.

Study Faster And Retain More With This Quick Tip

I don’t know a single student who doesn’t want to study faster and retain more at the same time. I usually get a little nervous when trying to use quick fixes to make this happen, but today I have an actual quick tip to help you do just this!

Being a problem solver by nature, I dug into the situation and tried a few new approaches. Some worked, and some did not.

One of my best strategies was to sort the information into two categories:

facts to be memorized

concepts to be understood

You can use this strategy for any course. No matter the subject, there are things you have to memorize (terminology, dates, names, equations, etc) and concepts you need to master. Identifying this creates a clear, drama-free path, meaning you actually study faster and retain more because you are working on the right information in the right way.

How To Memorize Facts

I used to hate memorization work. It seemed tedious and hard and I sucked at it. Or so I thought!

Turns out I just didn’t have good skills. now I have some strategies in my toolbox and I love fact work. It’s easy and you can master it quickly. The key to mastering memorization is to:

Keep a list of what you need to memorize.

Schedule time every day to work on it. You must have the daily repetition if you want new facts to stick in your short-term memory. Start with just 10-min each day and you will see results.

Vary your memorization strategies. If you use only one strategy it becomes less effective.

How To Master Concepts

How you approach concept mastery is going to vary a lot based on the subject you are studying. There are two strategies to help with every subject:

1. Hands-On Practice

You will never fully master a concept through reading about it. You learn the concept through reading, but there is a big difference between learning something and mastering it.

The basics of hands-on practice for any subject are to come up with an applicable problem and solve it. Then come up with another problem and solve it too. Here are a few ideas, by subject, of how you might practice:

literature – Read a book or short story and write an analysis of whatever focus you are working on.

computer science – Come up with a problem and solve it with real code.

graphic design – Imagine a client asked you to design something, and create 3 different solutions for them.

math – Pick an equation, make up some starting numbers, and solve it.

science – Define a hypothesis, create a simple experiment, get in the lab and execute it!

2. Explain Or Teach It To Someone Else

Want to be certain you have mastered and fully understand a concept? Teach it to someone else.

As a teacher myself, I can tell you there have been plenty of concepts I thought I knew really well until I tried explaining them to someone else. You need a thorough understanding yourself before you can help someone else understand it.

Enlist the help of a friend or family member and try to explain a major concept in a few minutes. If you struggle, make note of the sticky spots. They are exactly what you need to work on next.

If you have no problem explaining it and your friend understood everything, mark it off your list and move on to the next concept.

I hope this quick strategy helps you dig out of confusion and take the right action in order to study faster and retain more.

Try It Yourself: 20-Minute Challenge

Grab your notes, a fresh piece of paper, and a timer.

Set the timer for 15 minutes.

Go through your notes and sort every piece of information into one of the two categories: concept or fact Challenge yourself to do this before the timer goes off. Go with your first instinct if you aren’t sure.

Spend the next 5 minutes and map out your next steps.

How and when will you work on the memorization each day?

How will you approach the first concept?

[stephaniebrownslover]

HIII! :D

I've read your Jeff and Liu's relationship hcs and I REALLY LOVED IT OMG

Soo can you please write a fluff oneshot about 'em?

(AND I THINK YOU'RE WORKING ON FOR TICCIWORK RELATIONSHIP PART 2 SO I'M SORRY IF I MADE YOU BUSSY THIS REQUEST CAN BE WAITED IF YOU WANT TO-)

I know I talked too much but thank you so much from now <333

HIIIIIIII!!!!!

I'm still surprised that people other than mt friends are reading and even liking my writing lol that means a lot really!!

And of course I can write about them since you asked! I love their bro-ship and it's cute and we deserve more Woods Family Fluff.

I'll write for Main AU, again, but this won't be lore related because everything important with them after the incident includes angst or other creeps but I want to write a dumb cute thing for you. Hope you don't mind, but if you do, please ask again for something lore-related like ticciwork oneshot.

NO NO I'M WORKING ON IT BUT I ALREADY MADE PART 1 FOR THAT FRIEND AND DON'T EVER WORRY ABOUT TALKING TOO MUCH OR MAKING ME BUSSY OMG NEVER PLEASE

Thank you so much for your ask and hope you like it too!!!

(I kinda wanted to write them stealing a tank lol)

(Also so sorry for late reply, my brain is so foggy lately which prevents me from writing)

Main AU Jeff and Liu Oneshot

Date: 2014

While Jeff was excitedly waving the board game box he was holding and trying to show it to Liu, Liu had his head buried well into the book in his hand, although his focus had not shifted. No, he might have loved his brother, but he definitely wasn't going to play monopoly with him.

"C'mon, L!"

"My name is not L. It's Liu."

That was the last straw. He knew that one Because Jeff was watching an anime called "Death Note" on the influence of his friends and Jeff had tried to make him watch it too. Liu would rather watch artistic films or something with real depth.

"Whatever, bet you're afraid of losin'."

"If it makes you feel better, then sure thing."

Liu wanted to continue reading his book, while Jeff senselessly waved one hand in the air. It could be read in his eyes that he had an unnecessary desire to challenge.

"Your loss, we all know I'm better at math."

"You did not."

"Oh yes, I did."

"Oh so you want to play a game, huh? Let's play a game."

Liu suddenly looked up from his book, he closed the object he was holding in one hand hard. It was hardly possible to say that he enjoyed being challenged.

Having a brother like Jeff who loves a challenge was a big problem for him.

Jeff looked in amazement at his brother, who had risen from the coach and was walking towards him with rapid steps. His green eyes were ablaze with an emotion that was not easy to understand.

"You in?"

Liu sarcastically crossed his arms, the menacing smile on his lips was enough to scare anyone, anyone except Jeff.

"Oh, how in that you would be surprised.

"Okay, so we're gonna play Monopoly, I know you like dumb nerd games, and I can rule kingdoms."

Jeff definitely didn't know how to play Monopoly. It was an even bigger problem that he talked more nonsense as if it was possible to do more, but it was Jeff.

Actually, Jeff didn't know how to play any board games. Of course, he knew, but either he didn't remember, or he was hitting the sense spot until the person he was playing with became really pissed.

"That's not- you know what? Just use the calculator on your phone."

"Which one?"

Jeff's rather confident disclosure of his secret caused Liu to pause in surprise once again.

What kind of idiot would disclose the application in which he kept secret photos and things that should remain hidden?

"... The one with numbers, not secret things of yours. God, I can't believe that I had to use this sentence."

"Why the fuck I need a calculator?"

Jeff's eyebrows were furrowed with anger. If it wasn't for Liu, he would have already responded with insults or attacked the person in front of him.

He might have been stupid, but he wasn't that stupid.

"Can you sum up high numbers?"

Or he could.

"... Fuckin' fine."

As Liu passed towards the table in the living room, Jeff followed him with a defeated attitude. While he pulled the chair out fairly and sat down, the fact that Jeff almost fell created a thin smile on Liu's face. It wasn't such a big deal.

He just liked that even after years later, he knew his brother next to him felt as comfortable as possible.

However, their feelings were not very mutual, because Jeff was a bomb ready to explode at any moment.

"You know how to play this, right?"

After Jeff sat down in the chair with a grunt, he shouted at Liu's question.

" 'course I do!"

Liu took the box from Jeff's hand and gently slapped on his hand when Jeff tried to reach out.

That's how Jeff realized that Liu was going to want something from himself first. Waiting for what he wanted, he responded only with a grunt.

Stupid nerd.

"Explain how we start the game."

He raised the index finger of his right hand in the air as he spoke confidently. With his other hand, he also pressed on top of it for emphasis.

"First, ya' choose a pawn to make your slave."

"Eh, kinda true. Go on."

Jeff raised his second finger and stepped on it, too.

"Then you roll the dice to occupy areas."

Well, that was where the mistake started.

But Liu didn't need to be so distrustful. Maybe his brother could surprise him, today could have been that day.

So he calmly made the explanation.

"No, you don't occupy the areas, you just pass them as you move just as the dice says."

"Told the same."

Jeff, on the other hand, breathed with an exasperated attitude.

"It's not the- okay, carry on. What happens when you stop on a point?"

"Easy."

The fact that he paused after saying this, didn't even deign to say anything, made Liu think that he was just bluffing.

And he probably was.

"Then explain."

"Um, you buy them?"

Liu raised one eyebrow in the air.

"To?"

"To... to throw them to the enemy!"

Taking advantage of Liu's confused moment, he pulled out the box and took out several household figures, which he threw at Liu. Although there was nothing to hurt, it was annoying.

"No, Jeff, stop."

Jeff was waiting for his brother to laugh like himself. Or to have an amused reaction. Or to be serious.

Anything, but not him getting off the table.

"I don't know why I trusted you with this. Clearly, it was a mistake."

While he was sitting at the table himself, he was almost begging for Liu to continue to stay as well.

"I was joking, I know Monopoly rules. Just don't go!"

"One last chance."

Liu took a deep breath and sat down at the table again. He really didn't know how long he could tolerate his brother's childish behavior, and he wasn't willing to find out.

There was silence between them for a while. It could not be said that it was a peaceful silence, although it was not uncomfortable either. This silence was more like the silence that occurs before something important.

Just when Liu was about to speak because he was starting to get uncomfortable with it, Jeff spoke by looking at his hands. And the whole time he was talking, he never lifted his head from the table.

"I was actually going to say that we can play Scrabble. I know you don't like this game and you can get bored or something and you shouldn't blah blah, somethin' somethin'."

Liu felt bad for a moment after hearing this.

It was obvious that his brother wanted to spend time with him. He was also aware that he had been neglecting him a little bit too much lately, but it wasn't his fault. He was just too busy and didn't have enough energy to deal with anyone. He definitely couldn't tolerate a hyperactive person like Jeff after a tiring day.

However, these were not an excuse.

He should have been a better brother.

"Okay, we can play both."

After Jeff heard this, he suddenly raised his head, quickly waved his hands in a way that meant no.

"No, no, you don't have enough time and-"

"I can always spare some time for my brother."

Jeff was relieved to hear this. After releasing his shoulders, he smiled. This was not a fake or sarcastic smile as usual, it was a real smile.

"Yeah. Me too."

Jeff and Liu were two brothers who cared about each other.

And nothing or no one could come between them.

It's awful lol sorry for that

[wawamouse]

Oh, and just so you know, I jotted down this bit of the expanded snippet before I read your wonderful fic with Miguel (freaking adorably and very believably) attempting to take care of Chico without pursuing receiving anything in return 😂:

“If you're just trying to get me into bed, sweetheart,” saying it all sly, like the asshole he was, laughter curled behind his tongue. Wasn't really laughing, though, probably because the adrenaline was wearing off, pain was setting in, and those ribs hurt like a bitch.

Miguel cut him off with a deadly dismissive look, complete with condescending tone. (Sure, they'd fucking kissed or whatever, and who the fuck knew what that made them now, but they were still this. Back and forth, humoring each other's stupid shit and cutting it off in turns.) “I'm trying to get you to rest, stupid. You think you'd be any fucking fun right now? Please, your ass can barely bend over.” –shit. That was maybe too fucking far–

Chico snorted, hand lightly landing to brace his side. “Oh, you mean you aren't going to selflessly take care of me this time ‘cause I'm so injured? That hurts, Miguel. Like maybe worse than my papercut.”

Oho? 👀 Snippet right in my inbox? 💖💖 Heh— Sure, they’d fucking kissed .. but they were still this. Absolutely! And that’s one of the fun things about writing them—their bickering :D Incessant, unrelenting back and forth 😵‍💫 Only time it really stops is when something is reaaaally wrong or happening. Obviously, Chico’s paper cut isn’t that (lmao, him downplaying it) :P

ALSO… AHH 👁️👁️ So this is post kiss? Mhm, I see… 🤝🏼 Laughing that we both characterised Miguel as immediately being on board (0 to 60 :D) and muttering about the logistics of fucking. Miguel! And now I realise that was a sort of joking observation but now I’m thinking about how that’s something Miguel and Chico have in common, actually: logistical thinking, that is. At least, I headcanon Chico as being that way. I mean, even that he has his Chico Math moments when he’s impatient and wanting revenge, I have to think that consistently being lieutenant in El Norte means that he’s in charge of planning the details and delegating, etc, for whatever the boss wants to get accomplished (and that generally speaking, he's not bad at it—except when it comes to plannning how to kill Miguel, who has more lives than a cat). That’s also where it’s fun to write Miguel and Chico teaming up for shenanigans post-canon or something like that, when they’re partners. They can plan things together and complement each other’s shortfalls… I’m reminded of your fic, “Following Frustration”, where you fantastically portray and delve into that aspect of their relationship, and how from Miguel’s POV, he finds value in Chico’s push back :)c …also while I’m mentioning that fic, I want to repeat that I LIIIIVE for that scene where Chico’s trying to attack the mouthy new guy and Miguel is bodily holding him back! It scratches a little bit of that itch of wanting to see Chico just absolutely demolish some guy on Miguel’s (baffled) behalf at some point… I think that’s something you also mentioned previously in a post.

Ahem. Anyway! Yeaaah, there’s also something very fascinating about the dynamic of Miguel wanting to do something for Chico without expectations of reciprocation, especially in a moment early into things. Of course it makes sense in the context of both our fics here, because they have an established close friendship, but in set-in-Oz fics, I find there’s that tendency to writing an early relationship approach as being 1 for 1, quid pro quo, often as a safety net for them, because things are shaky, and there’s not only an undesirable implication to only giving and not receiving, but also a potential vulnerability or uncomfortable depth that would be exposed to just wanting to give… So, interesting! I'm intrigued as to what direction your expanded snippet (if you're still working on it 🤞🏼👀) goes in!

[ky-yk]

gaeul sunbae (kge x f!reader)

genre: gen? fuck if i know tbh || word count: 1.1k

author’s note: i’m not kidding btw this is not fluff neither is it angst, hope y’all enjoy nonetheless 🫶🫶

1.

“how the hell did they do this…”

wednesdays were your least favorite day of the week for one reason only: your industrial arts class.

i mean, who’d enjoy getting drenched in their own sweat while trying to play around with rulers every week?

i’m not even gonna be an architect, why do i have to learn this? you thought to yourself as you were hunched over your armchair, trying to replicate what your seatmate had done before he triumphantly got up and walked to the teacher’s table for checking.

you erased your circle…thing for what felt like the millionth time, your eraser shavings and crumpled-up bond paper being the only thing you could show for yourself after almost an hour. you stared at it for a second before swiping the eraser shavings off from your desk (along with your insecurities) and hunched over, ready to try again before a shadow loomed over you.

everything passed by and all you could do was stare in awe at the girl who took one look at your paper, hummed, and pulled up a chair beside you to finish the job. you were frozen; not even processing how softly she took the compass from your hand.

you snapped back to reality just in time to see her finish your plate activity with a flick of her wrist. literally.

she took one more look at it and hummed before putting your compass down and getting up to fall in line and have her work checked.

you all but stared as she leans against the board nonchalantly, not knowing if and how you should thank her for saving your grades -- only for the five-minute warning bell to remind you that her effort would be fruitless if you didn't go up beside her to line up.

in a rush, you haphazardly grabbed your paper and rushed to take the spot beside her, leaning against the board alongside her. your eyes travelled the room, observing the whole scene.

soon enough, you met the gaze of your savior.

surprised, you broke eye contact and suddenly found the wooden flooring much more interesting — an amusing sight to said savior.

you mustered up the courage to thank her while she was close, but you must’ve missed how the line had been moving since the next thing you knew, she was walking away from the teacher’s desk.

2.

“oh, i’m screwed…”

sitting at your assigned desk for your final exams, what was running through your mind wasn't the math formulas you had to memorize, no. instead, it was about how you could've -- should've -- reviewed your math lessons last night instead of napping the whole day.

what was that you kept saying, y/n? it’s all common sense?

noting the mini study group that formed behind you, you moved your chair closer to their circle, hoping that whatever they were talking about would stick around long enough to get you through the exam. you took a peak at the notes that were sprawled across the desk — and your future crumbling before your eyes.

you leaned back in your chair. just smile and laugh, folks, you thought as a defeated chuckle spilled out. you heaved out a deep sigh and looked up at the ceiling, resigning to your fate and deciding that napping would be a much better way to spend your time. you dragged your chair back to your seat and rested your head on your desk, ready to go off to dreamland before you felt a tap on your shoulder.

you let out a groan loud enough to make sure the perp was aware that you were not pleased by the interruption. with furrowed brows, you got up and looked around for whoever wanted to be on top of your kill list.

instead, you found a stack of well-organized notes on your desk; hope this helps - g.e, the sticky note on top read.

needless to say, that test was a piece of cake -- considering how you breezed through it with 30 minutes left to spare.

so did your savior, apparently.

when you turned your test over, you sat up and looked around at the rest of your classmates who were still hunched over and struggling through the test. all except one who met your gaze.

you gave her a small smile and nodded in acknowledgment. she returned the greeting before facing forward at the proctor's insistence, playing around with her pen to pass the time.

3.

"what the hell?!"

a lot of things made you go, "what the hell?!" but you'd never "what the hell?!"-ed more than you had today.

the project that your pe teacher just sprung on you guys about making a dance routine, the fact that your friends ditched you to pair up with each other, and the sight of gaeul-sunbae approaching you--wait what?

"hey, you wanna pair up for this?" she asked casually. all you could do was stare at her dumbfoundedly.

and let out a single syllable.

"huh?"

"well, i just noticed that all your other friends paired up with each other, so why not?"

"i mean...i don't see why not?"

"okay, so i'll make the choreo and send you the video. just follow it, and then i'll edit the whole thing together. shouldn't take that long," she said with finality before walking off to the bleachers, leaving you to think about what the hell just happened.

wait, that's it? am i really going to get hard-carried by gaeul-sunbae for a whole project without talking to her at all?!

exasperated at the realization, you huffed and puffed your way across the gymnasium, eyes locked on your target while everyone else's eyes were locked on you. the whispers were as good as white noise to you because your ears were fuming with steam at your sunbae.

why?

you were about to find out as well.

"yah!"

surprised at the intrusion, gaeul looked up at you with wide eyes. "um, yes?"

"what the hell is your deal?! why do you keep helping me?"

she calmly stood up, making sure to avoid your flailing arms. "well--"

"does this stroke your ego or something?!"

"wait, what? that--"

"oh, of course it does! i'm like your damsel in distress, huh? well newsflash, sunbae," you emphasized the title by pointing at her chest so hard she sat back down, "i can help myself."

with an annoyed eye roll, gaeul stood back up, holding your wrists together and bringing them down, making your resolve falter.

"that's no way to treat your sunbae, is it? especially one who's been so nice to you," she scoffed.

under her scrutinizing gaze, you were left speechless.

"you're lucky you're cute. now close that pretty mouth of yours, would you? wouldn't want any flies flying in.

unless you need my help there, too?" she asked while gently holding your chin between her index finger and thumb, closing your mouth and making you look up at her.

with a tut, she tapped your chin one more time. "now, if you excuse me, i'll get working on our project."

[nagaficat]

TOA Anniversary Monday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: Erica

Pronouns: she or whatever you feel like I do not care

Birthday (no year): May 3!

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Philly suburbs, toa official time zone

How long is your roleplay experience? Long. I think I was like 18 or 19 so like 15ish years I don't want to do that math right now

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? The Star Trek Online forums aksjdkdbd

How were you introduced to TOA? Saw it in the tags on Tumblr and was intrigued

Do you have any pets? Winston the German shepherd mix and Pipis the pisscat

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) Winter probably but for sure Not Summer

What is your IRL occupation? Toddler teacher, specifically 18ish-24ish month olds

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Taking long and beautiful naps with my dog

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout is good. Nothing like super regularly 

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: grass and ground, Diglett and Dugtrio have been my favs since gen 1 for some reason

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! (Optional bonus challenge: if you filled this out last year, try not to repeat what you said back then!)

I was on the kidney transplant list but my kidneys came back to life

I have two kids and they're both so unhinged

My dog set my kitchen on fire one time

I used to have a hatman irl but he was actually the Carrot Man and he looked like the peanut butter jelly time banana except a carrot and he was a friendly sleep paralysis demon and sometimes I miss him

How did you get into Fire Emblem? I went to GameStop and was looking at the used games and I guess Awakening caught my eye. 

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Genealogy, blazing blade, scared stones, some of por, sov, awakening, fates, 3h, engage. I've at least read through all of them except the tellius games. I should get on them. 

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: first was Awakening, favorite to play is fe7

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Arvis, Travant, Finn, I really love Raphael maybe him, uhh this is hard to pick maybe Oifey. You could ask me this question tomorrow and I'll probably have a different answer

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Frederick because I knew I was in love with him the moment I saw his face but Cynthia in a regular context 

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 You know this you know it's Arvis and Travant but I do keep thinking about Raydrick recently. Wtf is wrong with me. 

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?

- Awakening: Frederick but I'd like to to a Priam romance someday

- Fates: I think it was Hinata but I honestly do not remember. Now idk! I don't think I've ever done the same s support twice in fates

- Three Houses: Claude but I would do a non romantic s support with Alois next time

- Engage: Saphir. Idk who I’d pick next time but it would be a different one. 

Favorite Fire Emblem class? Anything armored!

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? Hmm I feel like I would probably not be playable. Some sort of healer if I was playable. A cleric. I cannot imagine myself having good stats you should bench me immediately.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran) Golden Deerrrrrr!!!!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boon would be healing, bane would be gauntlets, budding talent idk maybe riding or flying

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon) I think Brodia is cool but I don't think they would think I am cool

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) Tee oh ay and I take psychic damage every time I hear someone call it toah

Current TOA muses: Deirdre, Ethlyn, and Altena 

Past TOA muses? Hilda, Elise, Serra, Charlotte, Tina, Silvia, Ninian…I feel like I'm missing someone maybe

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Hilda and nah I don't think I would

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) Tragic love interests and little sisters

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? I think it would be cool to write Manuela one day but I am convinced I would be terrible at it, also any male character. For some reason I have a mental block against them and I'm not entirely sure why this is 

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) I like writing dialogue! Love a good reunion also. 

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I would literally do anything to write with an Arion.

Favorite TOA-related memories? Bruh literally all of them. Don't make me choose there have been so many amazing times here. 

Present or past tense? Past

Normal size text, small text, no preference? Normal because I'm lazy

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Nope!

[moronic-validity]

The Ball pt 1

Surprise guys!!!! We've got a two-parter for this chapter because I spliced it weird!

18+ because the rest of the DWU is, but let's dive right in!

Simon rolled over in bed and kissed Winter’s head before getting up and dressing for the day. He knew he’d be representing, again, and had to mentally prepare himself for it.

Winter had been like this for weeks. 

He had become a ghost of himself; refusing meals, spending his days in bed, and his nights locked in his study. He would crawl into bed and lay there unable to sleep, unable to clear his head, unable to find peace. 

“Will you try to join me for lunch today?” Simon called over his shoulder as he buttoned his shirt.

Winter didn’t respond.

Simon turned and looked at the man in bed.

“Is there anything I can get you? Some water? Snacks?” 

Again, no response. 

He had expected this, but he was going to keep trying until he responded. 

Simon put on his jacket and passed by the table full of water cups and uneaten food. 

He had gotten used to the lack of responses and the untouched food. It was the pattern Winter fell into after Marceline had left. He had been second-guessing if he had pushed him too hard to let her go. 

It was weird being alone in the throne room. 

The Ice Scouts weren’t bad company, in fact, they were even funny from time to time, but they weren’t Winter. 

He refused to sit on the throne, he had attempted to at first, but it felt wrong, instead, he sat at the small table that had become his station. 

He flipped through the letters the castle had received and stopped when he found Doctor Princess’s messy handwriting. 

He tore the letter open and read it excitedly. 

‘Simon, 

I hope this letter has found you well, seeing as I haven’t heard from you in a month.’

He snickered at her passive aggressiveness before continuing. 

‘I know the king is probably keeping you busy with your advisory duties, but I hope you haven’t forgotten your friends. I’m reaching out, not only to hear from you but to find out why I wasn’t invited to last month’s ball. Did you tell him I don’t enjoy them? 

Hope to hear from you soon,

D. Princess’

Simon set the letter down and did some mental math.

He hadn’t realized the ball had been missed, nor was he particularly hurt by it. 

He slipped through the rest of the letters and realized they were all from Ooo royalty, and after reading them, he realized they were all about the missing ball. 

Simon picked up his pen and wrote back to Doctor Princess before figuring out how to address the other letters.

‘Doctor Princess,

I do apologize for the absence of my letters. I’m afraid Winter has been going through a bit of a rough patch and was bedbound on the date of the last ball. He doesn’t know you don’t like them unless you told him yourself. I will include my phone number at the end of this letter so you may have an easier time contacting me. These letters are very easy to lose track of!

S. Petrikov’

Minutes after he sent the letter away, his phone rang. 

“What do you mean he’s bedbound?” Doctor Princess yelled into the phone.

“Good morning Doctor,” he laughed at her urgency, “Winter has been struggling as of late, so I’ve been doing my best to run the kingdom myself. I didn’t think the ball was the most urgent thing to deal with.”

He could feel her rolling her eyes through the phone.

“Siiiimon, of course the balls matter, they give these royals a place to handle business and build kingdom relations without the stress or pressure of a formal meeting! Do you know how many wars have been avoided through these dances?”

“Wait, wars?”

“Yes, wars!” Doctor Princess sighed before continuing, “I’m coming to the castle. Best case scenario, I can help whatever has Winter bedbound, worst case, we’re throwing this month’s ball.” 

“I’m not sure that’s a good ide-” he heard the click of the call disconnecting. 

Simon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. This was the first, and only, time he found himself actively wishing there was a property dispute to settle. 

He sat and waited, made small talk with the Ice Scouts about their new training program and how it was going, and looked through all the letters inquiring about the missed ball. 

Doctor Princess walked into the throne room, smiled, and opened her arms.

“Honey, I’m home!” She called in a sing-song voice. 

Simon stood from his desk and walked to the door, hugging his friend. He was so tired, he went limp in her arms.

“Whoa dude, I thought you said Winter was the one bed-bound?” She said, holding up the weight of the larger man. 

“He is,” came the muffled reply.

“Well, what are we waiting for, where is he? What are his symptoms?” 

“Doc, I know what’s wrong with him,” Simon stepped away and sighed, “We struggled with depression a fair bit when we were younger; frankly speaking, we still do. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this bad, but it looks like…with him having a more amplified version of my personality…even the depressive episodes have intensified.”

“Okay, so what worked for you?” 

“Prozac.”

“Simon, that’s going to be a bit of an issue,” She rubbed the back of her neck, thinking through all the medications she had worked with over the years, “I haven’t even heard of Prozac before.”

“Yeah, it’s a relic from before the war. I went through hell when I ran out,” Simon chuckled, remembering how bad it had been, “I had the worst migraine of my life, and at the end of the world no less…though it did make me realize how bad I felt when I was on it. I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to feel nauseous all the time, or that my hands weren’t supposed to shake.” 

Doctor Princess’s jaw dropped.

“Dude, that sounds like it was making you feel worse.”

“Yeah well, medicine was just…like that back in my day. It would fix some of your issues, but then cause new ones, which meant more medications,” Simon shrugged, “It was cyclical.”

“There is so much to unpack with that, but not right now,” She walked past Simon and sat at the table Winter kept set up for meetings, “Right now though, we have bigger fish to fry.”

Simon took Winter’s usual place, facing Doctor Princess.

There was an air of seriousness and urgency in their party planning that made it feel more like they were discussing battle plans. 

“Ice Scouts?” Simon called, the two came rushing to his side. 

“Yes, Advisor Simon?” the one on the right answered for them.

“You guys can just call me Simon, ummmm…okay, I’m going to call you Amanda,” he pointed to the one who spoke, “and you Beatrice,” he pointed to the other, “that’ll make it so much easier to assign tasks.”

“Actually, my name is Zima,” ‘Amanda’ corrected, “and their name is Heilo.” 

Simon blinked a few times, processing the new information.

“You…you guys have names?”

“I don’t know why you’re shocked, you have a name, don’t you?” Heilo chimed in, putting a hand on their hip.

Simon looked to Doctor Princess, who shrugged. 

“That is a very good point…Heilo…Would you be able to organize the refreshment table?” As soon as Simon issued the request, they skated off. 

“Zima, I have a different task for you,” Simon shuffled his papers and handed the Ice Scout one of them, “Could you run this by the tailor? I know it’s rather late for a project of this size, but I really need this done by tonight.”

“Simon, I’m not one to judge, but is now the time for a new outfit?” Doctor Princess chimed in, resting her head on her hand. 

“It’s not for me,” Simon laughed, as Zima left with the paper, “it’s a present and a bribe.”

“A bribe? You’re going to bribe the king? With a new outfit from his own tailor?” 

“He really likes new clothes.” 

They gathered their sketches and made their way to the ballroom.

“Simon, do you have a plan to get this place decorated? Winter usually does ice sculptures or that thing with the lights.” Doctor Princess did a spin, taking in the barren room.

“Honestly, I do not. Not at all. I haven’t even sent out the invitations yet.” 

She turned to face him.

“Are you serious dude?” 

“As a heart attack.”

“Simon, focus on sending out the invites, I’ll figure out the decorations.” She walked him to one of the tables in the far corner and sat him down. 

Simon made himself comfortable and began sending out the default invitation that Winter had on standby.

He sent them out as he wrote them, barely paying attention to the names of recipients.

Simon saved the most important one for last.

The only one he needed to write himself.

He got up from the table and stretched.

“Hey old man, you almost done?” Doctor Princess called from across the room.

“Yeah, everything is sent out and I’m hoping we’ll have a good turn ou-,” Simon cut himself off as he looked around the room, “How did you get all of this done so quickly?”

The room was covered in paper streamers and snowflakes.

“It wasn’t that hard,” she laughed, climbing down her tower of ice chairs, “The worst part was the climb up!” She jumped down the last few feet, dusted herself off, and made her way to stand by Simon, “So what do we have left?” 

“Well, we’re waiting on Heilo to get back with the refreshments, then I guess we just have to wait for everyone to show up,” Simon sighed, “It’s going to be nothing like Winter’s parties, do you think anyone is going to show up?”

Doctor Princess grabbed him by the shoulders and made him face her.

“Have you not heard a word I said?” She gave him a joking shake, “Simon, there parties are important. They’ll come.”

Winter was staring at the wall, trying his best to find sleep, when he was startled by a knock at his door.

Simon never knocked.

He wrapped his blanket around himself as he dragged himself to the door of his room. 

No one was there, just a suit bag with a note attached. 

He grabbed both off the door and shut himself back in his room. 

As he scanned over the note, his expression softened. 

My dearest Winter,

There is a ball occurring tonight and I would love for you to be my date.

I know things haven’t been easy lately. I won’t pretend they haven’t been.

Knowing this, I will not hold it against you if you reject my invitation. 

Though I would love to see you there.

My heart,

S. Petrikov

Winter set the note on his bedside table and opened the suit bag. It was a deeper blue than his favorite suit, the jacket was longer than usual, the tail appeared as if it would land just behind his knees. The pants were more tapered than he usually wore, a cut he had always wanted to try, but had never gotten around to.

He sighed and looked at the suit. It was gorgeous. He loved it.

He knew if he put it on, he’d have to entertain an entire ballroom of people who would be falling over themselves to dance with him. 

Usually, that was his idea of a perfect night, but now he just didn’t know if he had it in him to leave his room. 

Everyone Simon invited showed up.

They didn’t seem to mind the paper decorations or the band that Simon had found last minute to handle the music.

They were mingling amongst themselves, dancing, and enjoying themselves at the makeshift ball. 

Winter adjusted his crown. 

He knew he didn’t look the best. His hair was greasy and he had seen how bad his dark circles had gotten. His only hope was that no one would comment on his state of disrepair. 

He entered the ballroom and was shocked to find Simon the center of attention, dancing with Old Lady Princess as a band of his citizens played out of tune. 

He smiled and went to leave, happy with the knowledge that his partner was having a good time and had the event under control.

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

15 questions for 15 friends

1. Are you named after anyone?

no, my parents had a bet and my mom got to name me and she chose horribly and then met a poodle with the same name and thank god decided to change it, so i'm named like every other kid in my year, like, i'm in the top 3 for baby names at the time i think

2. When was the last time you cried?

i honestly can't remember. wait, are we talking sad crying or angry i-wanna-rip-off-that-person's-face crying? 'cause then it was tuesday. bureaucrats, amirite.

3. Do you have kids?

god no, amen.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

i have never played sports ever. i was shy and anxious and introverted right from the start, i would have gone ballistic if my parents had tried to make me. thankfully, they did not care

5. Do you use sarcasm?

it is my first language, thanks for askin

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

whether they're ally or enemy. not in a deep level but like, you know how some people give off a mean-girl vibe and some people feel like your long lost sibling? i don't treat them different based off of it, but it does make me guard myself better when i figure the chances are good that it'll go fubar

7. What's your eye color?

hazel

8. Scary movies or comedies?

lately (for like five years lol) i'm not really movie oriented, i can't remember the last time i watched one. i'm gonna say comedies if those are my options

9. Any talents?

err, i'm good at language because my brain is good at internalising stuff and then even though it's not perfect, it's somewhat alright and that's good enough when you're speaking to someone who knows the perfect and can decipher the alright. i'm good at not caring about physical pain? sounds bad said like that but for a lot of manual labour stuff you kinda need that. i worked a woodworking project once where i absolutely shredded my hands, blood everywhere, and i just kept going and sanded off the blood when i was done. otherwise....no?

10. Where were you born?

in the next city over 'cause that's where the closest maternity ward was. i think it's closed now.

11. What are your hobbies?

reading and woodworking for sure. the others tend to take a back seat when life gets in the way : design, knitting, movies&shows, - does sports count? i don't like it particularly but i apparently love challenges and ticking all the boxes on my sports programme lol - i think that's it, i forgot the rest.

12. Do you have any pets?

family dog left us recently. i'm psyching myself up to get a goldfish, but i don't think i could take a loss right now so i'm kind of ...floundering on that.

13. How tall are you?

the stats say average but real life says i'm small. or maybe i'm just surrounded by giants

14. Favourite subject in school?

languages hands down, it's nice to be good at something. i liked maths even though i suck and i like history but i'd rather it be for fun than for marks.

15. Dream job?

if i knew, i would go for it. i guess my dream job is no job? i like challenges but not losing and i am introverted but i can't be left alone too long or i turn into a hermit. so, whatever fits that, i guess

Thanks for tagging me @birdkeeperklink i love questions games!

tagging : @vankaar @onemoore @itsmrvlxh50 @fantopias-stuff @tavsianus @donut1642 @casual-darkness @acidloe and also if you see this and want to play, tag, you're it!

[artisthedgehog]

Don't know if this is the right place to post this but oops i started writing a story and want to share it and ask for feedback

(chapter 1)

-So, did you like it?

-I hope that was a rethorical question.

Roxy seemed confused with that answer. Sometimes her understanding is slow to a ridiculous level.

To give some context, we had just left the Halloween party at school. Our school is one of the few in town that still has parties like that, which I love. Why do schools always have to be so serious? We're kids! We like to have fun! Life doesn't have to be so boring all the time.

Sorry, got a little distracted. Back to the party. We usually have a theme, like that time where we had to dress up as our deepest fear and a guy went dressed as our maths teacher, but this year we could wear whatever we wanted. Me and Roxanne wore matching costumes! We had watched a movie the week before, and went dressed as the two main characters, a vampire and a princess. I was the vampire. Roxanne was the princess, of course. She wore a really pretty flowy yellow dress and her hair on a bun.

I knew Roxy before she started going to our school, because we both used to go together to the local library. That's where we met, when I started talking to her because she was reading a book I liked. She used to attend other school, but recently came to Bluehill School because of bullying. People, mainly cis-het white guys, made her life a living hell because of her skin color and sexuality.

After the party, she left me at my house. She kissed my cheek before saying goodbye.

-Are you sure you don't want us to take you home? It's almost 23:00.

-Nah, I'll be fine.

-You sure? - After all, streets at night can be dangerous.

-I'll be okay! - She giggled - You're such an overprotective friend.

-I can't say anything because it's true! Damn, Roxy, how do you always have the best arguments?

She grinned - Gay magic. See you tomorrow!

I watched her until she crossed the street. Then I pushed the door forward and came inside.

[remisummerglow]

Shrink Toys Reviews

Sex toys > Fetishes > Macrophilia > Shrinking and Growing Tools > Marcus and Johnson’s FAST Shrinking Powder, 500 mg

Reviews

Carl M.

A must-try for macrophiles

177 of 181 users found this useful

Thanks to this I was able to make my dream come true. I tried it with my girlfriend and the next thing I knew I ended up half a cm tall in her hand. I was able to explore her body all night. A few tips: 1) Make sure you get the antidote as well when you buy this. It’s sold separately so unless you want to stay tiny… plan accordingly. A lot of people complain about this. First they shrink and then they have to stay tiny for the next couple of days until they can get a taste of the antidote. Well, that doesn’t sound that bad to me at all! But whatever you wish to do, if you are reading this, you have been warned.

2) Make sure you can really trust the person you’re going to use this with. Horror stories are surfacing about people shrinking and then terrible things happening to them. DON’T use this with someone you just met, no matter how hot that may sound. DON’T use this with prostitutes. DON’T use this without telling your girlfriend/wife/whatever.

3) It’s called FAST because it’s meant to be used fast. Its effect wears off a few seconds after it’s opened. It’s made that way for a reason, otherwise it could be used to shrink unwilling peeps by adding it to their food and drinks. So don’t hesitate and just swallow it as soon as you can once you take it out of the blister. It’s not cheap so you’ll want to make sure you don’t waste it.

4) There are currently four sizes available: M (turns you ten times smaller, so about 17/18 centimeters if you’re average), S (turns you twenty times smaller, so about 8/9 centimeters), XS (about three hundred times smaller, more or less half a centimeter) and XXS (almost two thousand times smaller, more or less a millimeter). Make sure you get the version you would enjoy best. Essentially S means human dildo, XXS microscopic fun. Personally I made sure to try them all and can’t wait for new sizes to be added.

Rating: 10 out of 10

Jack D.

Works as intended, tastes awful

74 of 92 users found this useful

I have no qualms about the functionality of this product. It works just as advertised. I only wish it didn’t taste so bitter. It left a horrible taste in my mouth which almost ruined my playtime with my wife and I was too small to do anything about it. Because of the peculiar way it has to be used, there is no way it can be added to some orange juice or soda. They could make some strawberry or chocolate flavored versions to fix this problem and I really hope they do.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Jenna M. Should be outlawed

44 of 74 users found this useful

I haven’t used this product and I don’t intend to. However, since it was made available to the public, all kinds of freaks and perverts have started using it to sneak into my house and spy on me. Just so you know, everyone I’ve caught has ended up underfoot. I have no reservations about stepping into perverts who have no respect for the privacy of women, and no one should!

Rating: 1 out of 10

Karen E.

Beware of compatibility!

61 of 65 users found this useful

I wish I never agreed to let my (now ex) husband use this thing. Apparently the growth formula in the antidote does not react with his body, so he stayed small. He’s here with me as I write this, sitting on the desk. Five millimeters tall. I’ve spoken with doctors all around the state and no one was able to ultimately find a cure for him. Just do not use this. It’s not worth the risk.

Rating: 1 out of 10

Olga S.

Not just for sexy purposes!

79 of 86 users found this useful

I’ve gotten a bottle of this and I’ve started using it to carry my boyfriend around. I can sneak him into a concert then hide in the bathroom and get him back to normal there. Of course, because of its high price, it doesn’t make sense to use it for a $10 movie ticket. Just do your math and make sure the money you’re saving is worth the effort. EDIT: Beware because it can backfire as businesses are starting to wisen up to its use. Airports are a no-go. They have updated their metal detectors so they can sense hidden tiny people. It made the news once when they found a woman who was carrying someone in her panties. Imagine her embarrassment! Trains and buses are still fair game as far as I know.

Rating: 9 out of 10

Sophia T.

SO much fun

110 of 142 users found this helpful

Rating: 10 out of 10

Ivan M.

“Cured” me of size-related fantasies

28 of 30 users found this helpful

I guess this is personal, as many people enjoyed it just fine. For me shrinking down wasn’t a very good experience. My girlfriend at the time was very careless and rough and ended up bruising me and leaving me in pain. When she finally returned me to normal, I ended up with a broken leg. We broke up soon after. I don’t fantasize anymore about that kind of thing. I guess it’s some kind of PTSD, but whenever I check some size related materialnow, I sorta panic. I guess my advice would be: use it if you really want but make sure you really know who you’re getting in bed with.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Laura D.

Me and my husband divorced over this

75 of 100 users found this helpful

Honestly I found this kind of annoying. My husband would come to me and ask me to be his giantess. OK, I said at first, why not. But then he started wanting to do it every night. Regular sex wasn’t on the menu anymore. Instead he would climb up my feet as I sat down on the bed or on the armchair. All he wanted was to be at my feet and sometimes other parts of me while shrunken. Naturally this was boring to me, so I began to object to it. Eventually I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. It was about that time that he started seeing another woman, I think. Eventually he left with his new mistress. Our daughter is mad at him and says I should have crushed him back when I had the chance. She’s probably right…

Rating: 1 out of 10

Jill F.

Writing this review in place of my boyfriend

80 of 134 users found this helpful I’m writing this because he can’t. He is currently 1 mm tall and licking (I guess? I can barely see or feel him) my feet. Since he shrunk a week ago he hasn’t wanted to return to normal (I’ve given him the antidote a few times, but he refuses to take it). So for him, this thing would be a 10 out of 10. For me, it’s more of a 0 out of 10… I’m getting real bored of having a speck-sized boyfriend hanging out on my toes. To other girls who might be reading this: learn from my mistake and if your boyfriend is that much of a pervert, dump him on the spot and go look for a normal one instead. Rating: 5 out of 10

Katy S.

Ooops! I lost her

20 of 25 users found this useful

My girlfriend had always wanted to be tiny so I let her have her way. Problem is… I can’t find her anymore! I’m not sure where the hell she might be. I’ve searched anywhere, from my clothes to our bedroom. Be really careful what you do once you shrink someone down. I’m leaving a good rating anyway since this thing clearly works.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Susy R.

I squished my brother 99 of 127 users found this helpful

this is maybe too personal to share, but i wanted to warn other people of the dangers of using this “shrinking powder”. one day we couldn’t find my brother anymore. me and my mom thought he had run away from home and wanted tocall the police. that’s when we found the bottle of shrinking powder in his room. we started panicking and searched the whole house. we were very careful of where we were stepping and completely clueless as to why he would use such a thing. i only found out a few hours later, when i was about to do my laundry. he had climbed on the crotch of my dirty panties and was frolicking in there. it grossed me out at first, then i got so mad. he had shrunk himself so he could go into my bedroom and perv on me, his own sister. i could not think straight anymore and squished him on the spot. to this day i don’t really regret it but i never told mom the truth. she thinks he’s just missing and hopes maybe someday we’ll find him on the floor of the living room…

Rating: 3 out of 10

Jim D. Voyeur paradise

55 of 110 users found this helpful

I prepared for this in advance. I started searching for a house with a hot female roommate. I found the perfect apartment and signed a one-year deal. I’m really sorry about this, Sarah (not your real name, of course), but I’ve been spying on you for months now. I make myself small enough that I can sneak under a closed door, then make my way under your desk. That’s the perfect place to look at you undressing. Sometimes when you’re studying at your desk I stare at your beautiful feet and legs for hours. The shape of your toes, every wrinkle in your sole is forever burned into my mind now. You don’t know how many loads I’ve blown under your desk, Sarah… To you, I’m the rommate who’s always outside. I heard you talking on the phone, you’ve said it so many times. You love having me as a roommate since it means having the house for yourself most of the time. Ah, if only you knew the truth…

Rating: 10 out of 10

Mary N.

Great for busy moms

78 of 104 users found this helpful

I realize many people don’t endorse this use of the powder, but who cares. I think it works great for busy moms like me. I just make my kids small, then bring them to the office so I can keep an eye on them all of the time. My co-workers actually find them cute. It’s way cheaper than a nanny when you consider the money you save on food. And if needed, punishing them requires no effort. Just a tiny fickle with your finger and boom! They straighten out. They fear me like I’m some kind of god, which I appreciate. I don’t even need to raise my voice to make them afraid of me. Some people in my family have criticized me for the way I’m raising them. I told them I’m sure my kids will grow up (no pun intended) as better people than most of their peers, we’ll see who gets the last laugh.

Rating: 10 out of 10

[questions-from-d87]

oc-tober day 1 - "home"

♤ kiki wakes up early.

♤ 507 words

♤ prompt from @oc-tober2023

♤ i challenged myself to do a no dialogue piece for this one since i always rely so heavily on character interaction and i think it went ok :))

Kiki rose from her bed.

She stretched out her arms above her head as she sat up, her lavender comforter falling to her lap. The artificial window showed sunlight, but she knew it had to be too early for that.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she looked to her side. Kidd was still there. Kidd was a dirtied old fellow who'd been everywhere Kiki had, a gift from her favorite cousin for her fourth birthday. Grey stripes covered the little cat, small enough to fit in a pocket, eyes of black plastic that reflected the light in a way that made them look like they'd had highlights drawn in.

She lifted him into her arms and tucked him into the pocket of her pajama pants, beige, covered in little bears and smelling like the closet they'd been pulled out of when she'd arrived. She left his head poking out to make sure she'd never lose sight of him. She was an anxious child, undeniably, from the way she was brought up. Kidd would be taken from her sometimes as punishment - she would wake up without her only true comfort in her home beside her and find out later that it was because she'd missed the fact that her math homework had a backside or that she didn't eat enough of her dinner.

She walked on her toes out the door and descended the stairs down the hall to the first floor of the building, then popped her head out the front door. Sure enough, the fireflies were still out. The sun hadn't yet risen.

The girl found a strange charm in the confusing world she'd found herself in. A world where trees were made of polygons and where one could access a black void just neighboring where they worked, a world where time was read in symbols and nobody could seem to remember quite what the cashier at White Castle looked like. Finding beauty in the horror of it all helped her cope - she had died, after all, and couldn't remember how. It had been a week since then, and already, she had forced tears so many times that she found it hard to tell whether she was really crying. That was her job. To present a story, to make whoever was next on the King's list pity her. She didn't dare question the consequences if she refused.

If "home" could simply be defined as a place one lives, this would have been it. And she thought about that as she looked up at the sky, perfectly-shaped clouds gliding past, holding up Kidd as if he could watch the stars glimmer with her. This didn't feel quite like home, not yet. But she didn't truly know home, and she never had. Home always felt too far away. Something she could try to visualize but had no hope of reaching.

Whatever. Whether she liked it or not, she told herself, this was home now.

And she'd just have to get used to it.

[baejax-the-great]

I have genuinely spent countless hours with nothing but All That Glitters on the brain since like mid December. As it comes to a close I just wanted to thank you for your writing. I’ve gotten so much happiness from it. (And also sadness but in a good, escapism-y way). I don’t think i’ve ever been so attached to a fic before. So sad to see this story end but grateful to have been blessed with ever encountering it in the first place. ❤️❤️

🎽👟🥇🐕

Thank you for this lovely message, Nonnie. I'm going to use it as an excuse to ramble way too long instead of writing the epilogue.

When I wrote even if it's a lie, I played around with a lot of tragic backstories for Achilles, though mostly non-seriously. I didn't really plan on including it--his relationship with Pat was basically comic relief. I wasn't even going to have it in eiial other than allusions to his fame and his clear fall from whatever fame that was, but a couple people asked, so I decided to have him give the abridged version to Zag.

Someone said they would read it if I ever elaborated on that story, and I remember thinking, lol I'm never writing that. Partly because at the time I assumed that painting Achilles in such a negative light just wouldn't go over well. But I also didn't really have an angle for how I wanted to tell that story, so it didn't interest me.

I don't totally remember how/when I came up with the plot for Gold, but I know @johaerys-writes was the one who really encouraged me to write it and I think @juliafied helped me with it a lot. I believe I posted the first chapter the day before I went out of town on what would be the first of many trips this autumn/winter. It's one of very few fics I wrote on google docs, mostly on my ipad because I don't own a laptop.

I think I was only a chapter or two into Gold when I started writing what is still titled in my docs as "Post-Gold." This fic ended up being such an interesting challenge because I had written what happens before and what happens after, and now I had over 20 years to cover to explain it all.

Here's what I knew at the start.

1. Patroclus got thrown out of his house the minute he got home from Seoul.

2. Achilles sets his own life on fire and Patroclus takes the blame for it, resulting in Achilles moving to Tartarus in shame and not returning until 2022 with Zagreus.

3. Because I'd already written it in eiial, the first time Patroclus sees Achilles in years, the first thing he does is make out with him. (I regretted this one a lot, but hopefully I made it work 🤣)

4. A 39yo got a silver medal in the javelin at the 2020 Olympics. As a result, one of the first lines I wrote was "Take me to Paris, Achilles." That entire scene changed, but I kept the line.

So then it was a game of filling in what actually happened (so much math to figure out the years and their ages lmao), and figuring out how to show the journey of two men growing up, growing apart, and then putting their lives back together. All the years were written out of order, which is why the different sections start the way they do-- originally it was just a system to help me keep track of what year it was and make sure I covered each one.

And with all of that, I thought this fic was going to be shorter than Gold. I figured each year would just be a snapshot--maybe 500-800 words to get a sense of it. Short and sweet.

I'm an idiot, of course. Just the reconciliation that took all of three sentences in eiial required over 15k words for this fic, and it could have been longer.

It was so fun to imagine all these eras of their life. I went from writing about guys who were much younger than me to men who were older than me. The way the world has changed between the year 2000 and the year 2022 is kind of astounding. Someone asked me why the boys couldn't just text each other in Gold and it's because it hadn't really been invented yet. We barely had wifi. They would have had an answering machine at their first apartment they shared with a goofy message recorded together.

To make a long, unnecessary essay short, this fic went from something I had no enthusiasm for and was certain I wouldn't write, to something I'm really proud of. I'm going to miss it.

I was talking recently with someone about this fic from Achilles' perspective-- over the 22 years, which moments would he pick as important in their lives for better or worse, and how many of them would match up with Pat's. I have no intention of writing that story, but it certainly would be a way to sit in this universe a little longer.

[paranormalacademia]

HUGE VENT SORRY ITS JUST ME RAMBLING READ TWS

Not to be a total loser because I knew being on birth control would make me gain weight and that sucks!!! I hate this blocky ass body where my ‘middle’ is under my ribs and not at my hips where it should be GRAAAH Not only does this house never buy food and when they do it’s a fucking loaf of bread to put in the freezer so the most I eat is like a pickle and some crackers most days if even that

I’m considering relapsing because A. I hate this busted body B. If I’m thinking about something else I won’t have these reoccurring nightmares about people I used to know that I can’t even remember the faces of [ Like what is the importance of me dreaming about the little girl I used to play with outside the apartment complex?? I know she could never hurt me nor would she but it doesn’t make it any less scary when I wake up in a cold sweat after feeling her tear into my bones in the most realistic way ] or the fucking apocalypse C. I got seasonal depression in the spring and I’ve been happening episodes in which I cannot disclose because My therapist would not condone it [ I don’t have a therapist, nor am I talking about physical self harm ]

I had like three panic attacks in a day recently which ended in my math teacher giving me a free pass on all group work things so I don’t have to do group work anymore #TeamAutism

The thing is it’s really easy to relapse right now with the alcohol under my pillow and the constant lack of food anyways and it’s really hard to be a person

I’ve tried to get back into my interests !! I’ve told Bee and Emma and A few others about Polar , The Talented Mister Ripley [ I even let one of them borrow my copy of Book 1 and when they’re done I have the others ] , Six of Crows, The Raven Cycle [ Big into this because Jaye, Navy, and The Hades Sys ( I forgot what he’s going by overall 😭 I’ve just called him Whoever’s been in front for like the past three years ) like my cosplays and we joke about it all the time , me and Navy make our own storylines and designs when we get bored ] , Phantom of the opera I only go back to when I’m manic or extremely depressed, I adore the Paranormal and bad horror movies and I really like this one specific movie about a real life conman and he’s played by that asshole Leonardo Di Caprio but it’s my favorite movie and nobody knows that I don’t remember anyone ever asking my real favorite movie before but it’s Catch Me If You Can and it’s not because it’s a good move r because it’s not really but because it’s something I watched that encapsulated my current interest at the time

It’s very hard to remember what you like when You have several different mental illnesses that cause memory loss

Sure, I’m a terrible person, whatever! But I think that the thought that I can’t feel because I’m a terrible person is very, very strange to think

I’m not a terrible person because I can’t feel or you don’t think I love you or you thought that I manipulated you the entire time just as a way to feel in control or hurt you

I don’t mind if you think that way because perspective is key, I’m not the one who was affected by my actions because I can’t even remember them no matter how hard I try - I mean, I’ve already forgotten a year ago almost completely but I am not a bad person because of my inability to feel love correctly . There are many other reasons why I can be viewed as a bad person

I’ll see someone do something and based on how someone reacts then that’s how I model myself and this isn’t entirely the best thing to do because when I grew up I was very poor and my parents fought so much that one of my earliest memory is the sound of shattering glass and me telling my baby sister about how I threw the biggest, most wonderful princess ball and someone smashed Cinderella’s slipper and that’s why glass was everywhere and she believed me

Just like how she believed me when I told her own cat fought a bear and that’s why we never saw him come around anymore or how when I told her she could sleep in my bed it was because I was about six when my hallucinations started and I thought they were real so I kept her close so she wouldn’t be murdered

Bitches be so normal and then repressed memories come back up in the form of dreams and I cannot make this up I woke up and felt hands on my thighs and inside me and I was awake, I know I was because I could see my desk light illuminating my childhood Elmo doll that was destroyed over a decade again until it was over and suddenly the hands were gone and so was the doll

The hands felt so real , I could feel the pressure and the muscles flexing as they held my thighs apart and all I could think was “There is nobody there.” But I know something happened because my legs were shaking and the hands wouldn’t stop until I curled up as tight as I could with my mask on

Musta been a punishment for something, right? I mean, people like me deserve shit like that, right? Bad people deserve bad things is what I’ve heard tons of people say

I have a very difficult relationship with sex and my body

Most sexual relationships I’ve had I’ve dissociated through whether they were coerced or not [ usually coerced because I have no ride home and I don’t want to be murdered even though we were supposed to be hanging out in fucking public ] and I suppose that’s fine if someone gets use out of this lump of flesh

It’s not fine, really

I’m not allowed to be violent either because violence makes me a worse person, even if I defend myself

Someone fed into my addictions recently

Fed me drugs and alcohol and encouraged me to steal

Got me blackout drunk and then fucking proposed to me and because the camera was on and I was stumbling around I played it up for the camera even though I was terrified and they told everyone and then took to social media to tell people what a terrible disgusting person I was, harassed me for weeks

I told someone .. I can’t remember who .. but I did and somehow that made it worse

I don’t think you should propose to people when they’re drunk and then make fun of them for how they reacted to being drunk but I laughed it off

I laugh a lot of things off

I planned to kill myself on my 18th birthday

I dont know why I didn’t, but I’m disappointed in myself for not going through with it

God, I’m going to bang my head against this wall aren’t I? Nobody really wants me unless I have something to give them

Power, entertainment, sex

I think I’ve given all of my exes one of those things because it’s what they seemed to want the most

Ace loved me, though

I stopped feeling anything romantic after her

She was beautiful

She was fat, she had long brown hair and the rosiest cheeks , her brown eyes crinkled when she grinned

I wonder why I don’t talk to her anymore

I miss Félix and Vincent

Those were her ocs that we role played together

I was Felix and she was Vincent

Felix was a werewolf who was just a little bit evil and because we were ten and eleven at the time they were kind of based off FNAF and made into their own characters

I personally didn’t care for Velix [ I forgot what the ship was called ] But I really really liked her so I’d do anything for her

She was kind to me

Why can I only love bigger bodies when it isn’t mine? That doesn’t seem fair to me

I think I’m having a panic attack or some sort of attack

I do wonder why my previous friends only used me for diagnosis’ though

Well that isn’t true, Alex also used me as a punching bag and now I have physical scars

I need those medications because I was not built to be a real person with feelings I’m Fucking autistic for Christ’s sake

At least with the medications I didn’t use every social media I could simply for the effect of having an audience

It really doesn’t matter who is watching and I don’t post for anyone but myself but if I pretend it can satiate that need to self destruct and have people watch

At most I post here because Ethan is more active on tumblr and will see my silly art or oc stuff while Anakin, Emma, Julian, etc are more active on Instagram

I Really do hate people who think mental illnesses are all quirky and fun until you don’t know how to function around people because everything is going wrong and you can’t fix it

My keyboard is getting fuzzy I should probably take that 4:45 right about now