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literaryvein-reblogs · 25 days ago

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Writing a suicidal protagonist, but not depressed.

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment so I'm trying to put it into my writing. Do you have any advice for writing this? I mean, I suppose I already have the experience, but writing tips are always welcomed.

(I really hope this doe)sn't come across as trauma dumpy, I'm not seeking any irl advice. I suppose I just see it as an objective reality of many that doesn't necessarily need to invoke things such as comfort or anything, y'know?)

I'm glad you're trying to put such personal experiences into your writing.

Since I don't know much about your specific protagonist, in addition to incorporating your own experiences, I'll provide you with some writing notes on suicidal behaviour that you can refer to in order to make your writing more realistic or true to life (and you're right, literature on such real and sensitive topics doesn't always need to invoke comfort, or provide a lesson of sorts to the reader. Because simply depicting the realities of many people is enough - or more than enough - and is very important, even if it makes people uncomfortable... because it IS not a comfortable topic). Needless to say, each person has varying experiences.

Attitudes toward suicide have varied throughout history and vary considerably among different cultures.

The ancient Greeks considered suicide an offense against the state, whereas the Romans believed that suicide could be a noble way to die.

The view of suicide as a sin prevailed in Western societies for hundreds of years.

Only since the later decades of the 20th century did suicide cease to be considered a criminal act.

Suicidal Behavior - term used for individuals who have engaged in potentially self-injurious behavior with at least some intent to die as a result of the act. Evidence of intent to end one’s life can be explicit or inferred from the behavior or circumstances. A suicide attempt may or may not result in actual self-injury.

Levels of Suicidal Behavior

completed suicide

suicide attempts that are potentially fatal

suicide gestures—behaviors that are not necessarily lethal but are a cry for help or attention, such as superficially cutting one’s wrists

suicide gambles—attempts in which people gamble that their lives will be saved through intervention, such as a fatal but slow-acting drug overdose

suicide equivalents—behaviors that invoke responses similar to those seen with suicide, such as a teenager running away from home as an indirect call for help

suicidal ideation or thinking about suicide, which can range from nonspecific thoughts that life is not worth living to specific suicide planning

Mental illness is a major risk factor for suicide.

More than 90% of Americans who commit suicide have been diagnosed with a psychiatric illness and/or have problems with substance abuse, especially alcohol, opiates, and cocaine.

Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and borderline and certain other personality disorders are risk factors.

People are at particularly high risk for suicide during the first week following discharge from a psychiatric facility.

Other suicide risk factors include individuals who:

are victimized by bullying

are isolated from other people and community

have a family history of suicide

have a history of attempted suicide

have a history of childhood abuse or family violence

have had traumatic experiences

have experienced stressful events, such as separation or divorce, job loss, or death of a spouse

have a chronic or progressively debilitating disease or condition; chronic, severe, or intractable pain; or loss of mobility or independence

have access to a firearm

are victims of alcohol or substance abuse, which weakens impulse control

have low total serum cholesterol

reside at a higher altitude, possibly due to altitude-related metabolic stress in individuals with mood disorders

are involved with the criminal justice system, or are incarcerated (especially during the first hours or week of imprisonment)

have sleep problems and disorders

are impulsive

have been exposed to suicidal behavior in others, including family members, peers, or friends (especially among adolescents) or celebrities, which is referred to as contagion

take certain medications

live in low-income households or in poverty

are unmarried

are lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender (LGBT)

CAUSES. Suicide results from combinations of factors specific to each individual.

Studies have found a connection between genetic factors and suicide.

Some suicides appear to be impulsive acts, whereas others follow a major life event or crisis. However, the most common trigger is the pain and desperation of a mental illness, often unrecognized and untreated depression or bipolar disorder.

A complex of illnesses involving changes in the brain, depression is very common in the general population. People in recovery programs are often at particular risk.

Many people with depression develop anxiety disorders, which can further contribute to suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

Depression is particularly dangerous when the individual is emerging from the darkest depths of the disease and has the energy to act upon suicidal impulses.

Suicidal depression is not always obvious. For example, some depressed men appear irritable or angry rather than depressed. ‘‘IS PATH WARM?’’ is a mnemonic for signs of suicidal behavior:

I—ideation

S—substance abuse

P—purposelessness

A—anxiety

T—trapped

H—hopelessness

W—withdrawal

A—anger

R—restlessness

M—mood changes

Other signs of suicidal intentions are:

isolation or withdrawal

emotional distancing

lack of family or friends

distraction, seeming to be in one’s own world

lacking any sense of humor

dwelling on the past, especially losses and failures

feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

preoccupation with death

You can refer to a mental status review used by clinicians to guide you in describing your character. This includes:

appearance—the patient’s clothing, personal hygiene, and any physical evidence of self-harm

affect—expression, emotion, and intonation when describing plans for self-destructive behavior

thoughts—suicide command hallucinations (usually auditory); delusions about the benefits of suicide, such as thoughts that relatives will be better off after the person dies; and obsession with suicide

homicidal potential

judgment, insight, and intellect

orientation and memory, including signs of delirium or dementia

The need for suicide intervention is assessed by the following:

ideation—whether the patient has thoughts of self-harm

plans—the more specific the suicide plan, the greater the risk

purpose—what the patient believes will be achieved by suicide

potential for homicide

NOTE: The clinician will also evaluate risk factors as described above.

Most people give clear warnings of their suicidal thoughts; however, those around them may not recognize the significance or may not know how to respond. People who are concerned that a family member or friend is at risk for suicide should do the following:

educate themselves about warning signs and risk factors

identify healthcare professionals who know the person and can help

call 911 or the local emergency number if the person seems to be at immediate risk

Factors that lower the risk of adult suicide include:

a significant friendship network outside of the workplace

a stable marriage

a close-knit extended family

religious faith and practice, especially religions that value life and discourage suicide

a strong interest in or commitment to a project or cause that encourages social interaction and cohesion

One of the "Conditions for Further Study" in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is Suicidal Behavior Disorder (SBD). This is NOT an official diagnosis yet, but research is ongoing. I'll include here a few proposed criteria and potential diagnostic features, just for reference purposes:

A suicide attempt is a self-initiated sequence of behaviors by an individual who, at the time of initiation, expected that the set of actions would lead to his or her own death. (The “time of initiation” is the time when a behavior took place that involved applying the method.)

Determining the degree of intent can be challenging. Individuals might not acknowledge intent, especially in situations where doing so could result in hospitalization or cause distress to loved ones.

Markers of risk include:

degree of planning, including selection of a time and place to minimize rescue or interruption;

the individual’s mental state at the time of the behavior, with acute agitation being especially concerning;

recent discharge from inpatient care; or

recent discontinuation of a mood stabilizer such as lithium or an antipsychotic such as clozapine in the case of schizophrenia.

Examples of environmental “triggers” include:

recently learning of a potentially fatal medical diagnosis such as cancer,

experiencing the sudden and unexpected loss of a close relative or partner,

loss of employment, or

displacement from housing.

Conversely, features such as talking to others about future events or preparedness to sign a contract for safety are less reliable indicators.

Again, the above excerpt is for a proposed criteria and potential diagnostic features for SBD (not yet an official diagnosis).

I'll include here a few interesting studies on SBD. Some researchers aren't for it. Most are discussing the current lack of data and research on it. 1 2 3 4

Also I think I misunderstood your request when I first read your message. I thought you wanted to write a suicidal protagonist but they're not depressed. But just in case, here are a couple of articles exploring suicidal ideation in non-depressed individuals. I would recommend looking into the qualitative findings as this could help writers if this is the topic you want to write about. 1 2

Lastly, since this is quite a sensitive topic, it is advisable for you to keep in mind conscious language, particularly when you're planning to share your writing with a wider audience and when publishing. Editors and publishers also frequently advise to get a sensitivity reader. Because while you might have the best of intentions, if you’re dealing with serious issues that real people deal with, it would be a good idea to do some research or get a sensitivity reader. Or both. Here's an excerpt from that previous post:

Words have power. Where and to what degree that power has an impact will inevitably depend on who the reader is. Words can drive a story forward and compel the reader to turn the page. Or they can disengage readers, even hurt them, and compel them to, at best, reject the novel; and at worst, review it negatively. Doing the awareness work prior to publication can help to prevent this while at the same time improving knowledge and craft.

Sources: 1 2

Hope this helps. And thank you for writing about such an important topic.

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marcelinesghost13 · 2 months ago

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Okay Blog a lot shit has happened since I last talked to you. TBH I'm in a really bad mood so I may vent a little.

Let's start off with my dad. He shaved his head bald. Which totally freaked me out. They also shaved his beard off that he's had forever and that always freaks me out too. A couple days ago he got out of the hospital and started wandering around town. I worked with two cops to find him. Eventually I did find him over at Target. He thought we were in Mesa Arizona. So clearly the dementia is getting worse... Which totally sucks. Plus he's getting skinnier and skinnier I don't know why he's not eating but it's concerning. Then I've been working with a bunch of different people in order to get all the paperwork figured out. That being his mortgage his pension and other different stuff we just don't know anything about it. We can't ask him about it because he doesn't remember any of it. So hopefully we can figure everything out once I get POA of finance that might help things. I don't honestly know how much longer my dad will be in this world but I don't think it's going to be that long. So having to get all this finances in order before he passes is definitely a modest. And I'm going to hate the fact that he's not going to be here anymore either.

Okay next topic my fucking spouse. So I'm definitely convinced that she's bipolar. I know she has mass depression I know she has anxiety and I know she has PTSD in her chronic illness. Yet the ups and downs of her behavior indicate that she definitely is bipolar also. Had another fight today about just stupid shit. I got her a Coke and some soda Waters some pizza and I cleaned the litter boxes. Yet she still had a fight with me about how I don't do anything. You're the one that has the house looking like a wreck I don't live there anymore so I don't know how I'm getting blamed for that. She also lets me know in the fight that it's really weird that I'm friends with a bunch of different girls and then I must be fucking them. That's straight up zombie corpse old I am so done with that argument. Like at what point do you realize the reason why I hung around girls is because I am a girl. Like she just is unwilling to accept the fact that I'm transitioning. She still insisting that this whole transition thing is a phase and it's just to get back at her to show her that I could be a better girl than her. My head is thinking what the fuck is going on in that head who comes up with shit like that.

Then we have the whole I'm having a midlife crisis kind of thing. That's the new complaint and bitching at me. Hopefully after I'm done with this midlife crisis me and her can get it back together. yeah that's just not happening and I let her know that today. I don't want to be married to her anymore. I don't love her and I sure as hell don't fucking trust her ass. This woman has fucked me over I don't know how many goddamn fucking times. Yeah I've done all these different things in order to help her. Like I paid for her lawyer just this week because of the domestic abuse case that she has against her. It's things like that that I've done throughout my entire life in our relationship. Yes she continuously insists that I do nothing for her I never have done anything for her. At some point someone gets sick of that kind of crap and that behavior and that someone is me. I just can't do this negativity and ideology that she has on how the world is supposed to work. I have explained to her 100,000 times on how I see the world. Yet she still is unwilling to accept it and is trying to force me to see the world the way she does. I just can't do her small-minded country Catholic bumpkin fucking bullshit. it's just impossible for me to think that way.

Then we have the overly controlling part of the relationship where I have to let her know still what I'm doing day by day. If she doesn't like what I'm doing she lets me know that because I shouldn't be doing that. How do you control my life when I don't even live with you anymore. I just don't understand this overly controlling attitude. Like at what point are you going to understand I don't want to be part of your world. I'll interact with it and I'll try to help you the best I can because I'm a good person but you need to move on like you lost me. She physically assaulted me. Plus she verbally abused because she didn't like the fact that I am trans. Here's the funny part her story for me leaving has changed several times why I left that day. She's also insisting that she's the one who kicked me out. WTF... No sweetheart I left your ass because you're abusive and I did correct her on that today which pissed her off. I am done with this relationship. So I'm going to be selfish and I'm going to work on me and try to become the best woman that I can.

Okay new topic so as some of you know I wrecked my car. Well I got a new one it is a 2013 Camaro which I absolutely love. Plus the previous owner let me know that her name is Ruby and I am going to keep that name for her. She's a beautiful car and I absolutely think I will have her for quite a bit of time.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor and I will be getting off my testosterone blocker and going on HRT. I'm very scared but also very excited about this. I would like to know how I'm going to change physically. But I'm scared how I'm going to change mentally. Either or it's something that needs to happen I need to become the person that I've always meant to be. Also it will be nice not having to hear yes sir no sir okay bro all those words that guys like to use with me I am beyond tired of hearing them. I have made so much effort in order to make my appearance seem as female as possible. Yeah it's guys are still insisting on calling me bro and I'm just so done with that. Yeah on the other hand all the girls are just being so nice and accepting the fact that I will be coming into their world and they accept me with open arms and with love and caring it's so weird how the two different sections see me right now. I prefer the female world a lot more it's definitely more accepting. Also it'll be nice not to be hit on by gay guys anymore I'm pretty much done with that one too. That is just getting really fucking old. I just don't want to have sex with a gay man I have no attraction to gay men at all. Once my transition is complete and I have my facial surgery probably top surgery I'm definitely 90% sure at this point I'm getting bottom surgery I am definitely going to be a lesbian. I may experiment and see what it feels like to be with a guy that's straight but I don't think I would actually be with a guy in a relationship. There's a lot of thoughts going in my head right now what I would or would not do. All in all I'm just trying to figure out my path to happiness because that's all I really want at this point. I do have a lot of roadblocks in my way and I know what those roadblocks are at some point they're going to have to just get the fuck out of the way and realize that they don't work anymore. I have accomplished what my goal is and I'm happy and there's nothing they can do to take that away.

092920241828

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poetic-echoes · 5 months ago

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My depression usually manifests like this...

I'll be in a stressful situation, go along with the flow, try and pretend nothing is happening, then have a breakdown, go on antidepressants, steadily get stronger, and carry on, eventually, lifting out of the depression. Each day, I can feel myself getting a wee bit stronger, and my moods stay fairly constant.

This time, it's different...

It's been an incredibly stressful two years, I've been on antidepressants for nine months and had them increased twice, phoned the crisis team, and I am now trying to get a referral for a Bipolar assessment. I've been told it's very difficult to get one, and knowing this is not helping me at all.

Today, I woke up ready to face a list of jobs that I needed to do. I was doing OK, then felt shit. I had a phone call that I forced myself to answer. I'm very glad I did as I got some important things sorted out. Felt fab for all of half hour, and now I feel like shit again.

My mood is usually stable during the day, but currently, it's up and down several times a day, and I'm not used to this. It's like I'm experiencing all four seasons at their extreme in one day, and I fucking hate it. No matter what I say to myself for motivation, nothing is working. I've done nothing on my to do list and have loads to do before going to bed tomorrow.

It's like I don't really care at all, and this kinda worries me. I am aware of my state of mind, what needs to be done, the time frame I have to do it all in, the results of not doing them, and still I'm sat my arse, without a care in the world!

I can't remember depression affecting me like this before. 30+ years ago, I was completely out of it, having intense psychotherapy, but I was at home with my family, and they did everything they could to include me, to support me, and just be what I needed them to be. Now, I'm two days away from 53 and feel like I need my mum to tell me what to do and to make sure I'm getting on with what needs to be done.

I feel pathetic. Yet still no motivation to do anything!!

You know what, though? I could still be in a far worse place than I am. Maybe focusing on that will get my arse into gear! Something has to budge.

I suppose as we get older, we have more life experiences to deal with, and some of these are going to be more difficult to overcome. These will mount up, and, eventually, we're going to overflow with these emotions and feelings, having nowhere to go. I guess this is why I sometimes feel inspired to write. To let go, to shed negative emotions, and to rid myself of the crap in my head. It does help. I just hope this helps me to get up, do the housework, and be active.

Wish me luck 😂🤞

#mental health #mental illness #mental health awareness #mental health matters #depression anxiety #healing journey #self care #healing #love #mentally fucked #positive mental attitude #actually mentally ill #fed up with everything #fed up with this shit #self help #endthestigma #mental health struggles #depressing shit #depression support

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j2madhatters · 6 years ago

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Why Padalecki marriage annoys me - non Tinhat perspective

I can safely say that never before has a marriage annoyed me as much as the Padalecki marriage. Even the Ackles’ behavior is reasonable. They don’t kiss and make out public because Jensen is not an exhibitionist sort. I have never respect PDAs. In my opinion, it is inappropriate. But remember, I am not a tinhat so you can draw your own conclusions about why the Ackles don’t “display” their love in public. There is nothing wrong with theorizing.

Genevieve, and Jared [when he is in husband mode] just irritate me. They oversell it. In the beginning, I thought she was so lucky to have a husband like him. He is so beautiful. He’s so sensitive. He earns well. He is respected in his field. Plus he cried on their wedding day. How beautiful is that? For years afterwards, he would gush over her during his panels. At first, I smirked, then I became poker faced, then I became mildly annoyed and then one day [I even remember the panel] it just got too noticeably exhibitionist. It was the last question. Timothy Omundson was called on stage, pretending to be the last question. And he comically fangirled uncontrollably before perching himself on the designated chair. His question was “who is your favourite guest star, and why is it Timothy Omundsom?’‘ It was a funny question, and Jensen went with it, saying that he was a fan of Omundson’s beard, which caused Robbie to throw a faux hissy fit because he had a beard too, darn it. But Jensen pointed out that his beard was pathetic because it was short and he couldn’t braid it. After the laugh fest, Jared gave his answer: ’'My favorite guest star is Gen, because she’s my wife and the mother of my children”.

For some reason, that is pissed me right off. It was a funny question. It didn’t warrant a serious, gushy husband reply. Some witless creature made a mistake of pointing this out, in the comment section. The entire page converged on her. Even people who had initially agreed with her, backtracked. I felt angry at this fandom's self-censoring. I realized she was over loved, not because of any personal merit, but because she married Jared. They were calling her a queen. Seriously? A queen. For what? So I went on the internet to see if I was the only weird person who couldn’t detect her monarchical merits.

That was last year-ish. How do you think I stumbled onto tinhats. I like most hats because it seems they don't conform to the politically correct norm of ’'treat the wives like gold’’. And they don’t ask tinhat questions during panels. Unlike the leeches who love destiel and Misha Collins. Jared was becoming too extra when it came to Genevieve. And I noticed he inserted an obligatory Gen mention at least once, in every single panel. Even after seven years, he was far too “in love”. And eventually, instead of being happy for their happiness, I started feel like they were rubbing their domestic bliss in everyone’s face. “look at what we’ve got, nyah nyah nyah.’' My polite and genuine [but not over the top] respect for their marriage dissipated.

You know who he reminded me off. He reminded me of Tom Cruise when he was a guest on Oprah and was over pushing the epic love he had for Katie Holmes, jumping on the couch and fist pumping the air. That incident, I found humorous and embarrassing. This was plain irritating. I noticed he’s slowed down now. The unnecessary wife mentions sometimes don’t even make an appearance, for which I am thankful. I wonder why though. Unless he is telling a story that she is a part of, like the Highway story, he doesn’t mention her anymore. My non tinhat guess is that he was aware that fans were getting pissed off, especially since, he had mentioned something about her in a panel recently [I don’t remember which one], and someone in the front row said: We know!

Another thing I don’t like about this relationship is Genevieve intruding on fan space. If people are paying bucket loads to see their favorite actor, unless they specifically ask for a guest appearance by the actor’s wife, don’t intrude. Once, Genevieve appeared on stage, during a J2 panel, to contribute something unnecessary to the story they were recounting. I think it was the highway story. Then she made sure she kissed him before leaving, while the crowd watched. Why? She added nothing fresh to the story, and couldn’t she wait to leave the stage, to kiss her husband. She isn’t paying to see her husband. The fans are. Don’t take that precious time away from them.

And I noticed, she usually sits at the side of the stage, overseeing the whole exchange. As far as I know, Danneel hasn’t done that yet. Why the need to loom over the proceedings? Does she love to hear him talk? That reminds me of the livestream they did, where he was talking and she mouthed ’'blah blah blah’' while making a mocking hand gesture, because apparently he was talking too much. So obviously Jared’s yammering doesn’t entertain her.

Then at Jib, she got to join the panel. I didn’t fault her for attending because apparently the previous year, he had gotten sick and didn’t make the con. I assumed she was there for moral support. I am a non hatter so that is my analysis. You cant of course, explain your perspective. But that doesn’t mean she needs to be on stage. For what? Its not like she did something spectacular whilst there. Rob, Rich and Jared had to take over the discussion because she was so dull. Eventually even Jensen joined in, revved the crowd up even further, and left. One of her fan girls complained that the boys ’'didn’t even let her speak”. Thank goodness they didn’t.

She is inserting herself between Jared and the fan, and now people are forced to be enthusiastic about her. Its so unfair. It almost seems like Genevieve wants shared custody of the fans. That is not how fame works. You earn it. You don’t inherit it. I started to get more and more annoyed with being forced, [by all of fandom, I thought] to go crazy over some woman, I could care less for. She wasn’t impressive as fake Ruby. And I was not the only one who thought so. Cassidy was a bland actor, in my humble opinion. Genevieve was worse.

The only reason she didn’t fade into oblivion, like all the other female actors, is because she married Jared. There was a blog called anti-Genevieve on Tumblr, that received a lawyers letter to cease and desist, because of defamation of character. Its her right to safeguard her reputation, so no problem there, especially if the blog is over malicious without proof or facts. I did visit the site. But I don’t remember seeing anything horrible other than her being called a beard. But it has been a while so maybe I just forgot.

However, there is another blog called Supernatural Snark. Almost the entire blog bashes Jared for everything that comes out of his mouth. One day, an ask about Jensen’s weird behavior at Jibcon, illicited an odd response from the blogger. The asker said that Jensen’s breakdown was Misha, Jared and the destiheller’s fault because Misha queerbaits his fans, Jared teases destiel and the fans abused Jensen on Twitter after Jaxcon. She said Jensen was trying to pacify the fans. The blogger said that it didn’t make sense for Jensen to wait six months to pacify the fans. Then she disabled the comment so the asker couldn’t respond. Of course, even I know he waited six months, because he shares no other panel with Misha. That’s when I realized that Supernatural Snark is a heller blog.

How come Genevieve doesn’t send a cease and desist lawyer’s letter to this witch. I think I know why. She only looked for anti stuff about herself on the net and that’s how she found this page. If she was looking for anti Jared blogs, she would have found Supernatural Snark. The Minute Maid commercial and her words in it were a little incentive. She said she was making so many sacrifices. Well missy, bundle up your babies and buzz off to Vancouver. You husband is not gone off to war. You are sacrificing nothing.

She doesn’t seem to care for him. She doesn’t care about his campaign. She never tags AFK for anything. She tags Random Acts, though. The thing that makes my blood boil, on a personal level, is that she claims that she also suffers from depression. As a bipolar sufferer myself, the one trend I noticed is that when people are impatient with me, and I point out that I have bipolar disorder, they quickly say that they also suffer from depression, so they don’t look bad. Since when does she have depression. Because if she did, she wouldn’t ignore her husband’s campaign that is supposed to help people like her. Is she sharing in her husband’s sympathy the same way she is sharing his fame?

She has diehard fans on Instagram. One of them is Ivana. Ivana gushily asked Genevieve to sign her name so that Ivana could have it tattooed. I was surprised. When did Gen become a rockstar? Then I realized that Ivana has her own SM page where she says she is ITK and best buds with Genevieve. So she knows that Jared abuses his wife and neglects his children. Ivana is a heller. Her best friend Lua James [@Poptivist on Twitter], led a smear campaign against J2 for the Nolacon joke. Her followers are the ones that made this problem reach MSM. And J2 had to apologize, publicly, for nothing. That is ok, because what Lua and gang were initially hoping for was for separates for the boys' panels, so that Jared wouldn’t be near Jensen. Genevieve is making herself the whip with which hellers can beat Jared.

And both Ivana and Lua cornered Danneel at one con to tell her how everyone hated her, except them. That was their snide contribution to tinhat hate. Danneel signed Poptivist’s SPN magazine, with the caption: “He is mine, bitches”… something inappropriate like that. Danneel was wrong for writing that. I noticed she fights with Jensen’s fans a lot. Ungracious. Lua is so toxic that she needs a guard at the cons, supplied by Creation to keep an eye on her. WTF!!! I always wondered why she wasn’t just excluded, but I think it’s because she is friends with a Creation staff member who also happens to be Misha’s relative. And because she is a Misha fan girl, she gets to stay.

That’s why Misha’s face appears on the main posters with J2, despite him not being a lead. Because he is related to staff. The wives have no fans, but I think Genevieve’s ego is in denial. Her intellect isn’t, which is why Jared’s appears in her vlogs. He is the deal sealer for her. One day this pompousness is going to backfire on Gen. I hope she figures that out one day.

APOLOGIES FOR ANOTHER LONG POST. I HOPE YOU DONT MIND.

Thank you for your submission, I’ve always wondered what non-hats make of the OTT parade and the wife stanning.

#submission #go-diane-winchester

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conner-grace · 6 years ago

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The Detective and his Little Assistant (part 2)

(Part Index)

Chapter 2: The Investigation Begins

Monday, June 13th

*Akechi's P.O.V.*

As I got to my platform looking for Kaito-kun, I saw someone I wasn't expecting to, the boy from the interview.

"Fancy seeing you here." I smile, slipping into my Detective Prince act, catching his attention. "I didn't think we used the same station. Meeting here must be fate." I continued, joking slightly, before hearing the sound of running footsteps closing in behind me, I had a good idea who it was.

"Gor-Oh, uh, hi, Akechi-senpai." Kaito-kun smiles, though now looking to the ground.

"This is Sasaki Kaito-kun, my underclassmen by year and a friend." I smile in explanation, knowing it'd be near a miracle to get Kaito-kun to talk to someone upon first meeting them.

"Kurusu Akira." The boy answers with a smile.

Kaito's head lifts slightly, 'so he did watch the interview' I think, knowing my friend recognized the boy's voice 'seriously, it takes him a month to remember a name, but two sentences in an interview to be able to recognize a voice' I think, stifling a chuckle.

"Anyway, how are you?" I ask Akira

"Not bad." Akira responds

"That's a good answer." I smile. "...I've been getting interviewed a lot lately, so I've been wondering how to answer such questions...I guess it's best to simply be yourself and say what you think. You've given me much to consider." I smile, wanting to speak more to the interesting boy before hearing something like a stifled snicker from the younger student next to me. Resisting the urge to snap a snarky comment at my underclassmen, I turn my attention back to Akira. "If it isn't too much trouble, may I speak with you again sometime?" I ask, Akira nods, and with that, we get on our trains.

*Kaito's P.O.V*

Akechi and I found seats on the train and sat down.

"So you watched the interview?" Akechi-senpai asks

"Of course I did." I smile, thinking 'you were in it'

"You're quite odd, it takes you a month to remember a name, 5 minutes to be able to recognize a face, and two sentences in an interview for a voice." He chuckles. "Also, mind telling me what that little snicker was for?" He asks, a playful scolding lacing his tone.

"Oh, like I'm the only odd one, you got one sentence out of the boy and it seemed to inspire how you did some stuff for interviews or was it also what he said in the interview a couple days ago?" I smirk, raising a brow and crossing my arms

"I guess you have a point when you put it that way." The young detective chuckles. "Though, speaking of the interview, I'm curious, what's your opinion on the Phantom Thieves?" He asks, making me freeze a little, before looking to my lap, thinking of how to word my answer, not knowing if he'd like it.

"If they are real, they seem to be going after only criminals the police don't have the intel, or possibly resources to go after themselves so far." I answer, looking at my lap.

"But, if they can change hearts, by force no less, isn't there a possibility they could've made the supposed criminal fabricate these crimes?" Akechi-senpai asks, looking at it from multiple angles, as any good detective would.

"I thought about that too." I say, looking to him. "It takes some digging, but there's been rumors going back years, from shortly after one of Madarame's pupils committed suicide and shortly after the first time someone under Kamoshida's teaching ended up in the hospital." I explain, causing Akechi-senpai to sit back in his seat, holding his chin in his hand.

He sighs annoyedly, staying quiet with a faintly annoyed expression. "You do have a point, you could be right." He admits, albeit, seemingly reluctantly.

"Though, we still need to know their methods, not only to see if they’re violent or illegal but also to see if they're usable in the medical world too." I admit, though also putting in another possible outcome. "If you can truly use it to change people's hearts, maybe it can be used to help treat mental disorders, like PTSD, bipolar disorders, depression, and so much more, it might be able to be used to help these people lead normal lives." I smile hopefully, before looking down, remembering one person in particular, 'maybe, just maybe, it could even help Fu-chan'

*Akechi's P.O.V.*

'How do I keep forgetting how thorough that boy is when his goal is to help or he's trying to point something out?' I think as I sigh annoyedly, as much as I didn't want to admit it, Kaito-kun had a point, and at least he wasn’t condescending like the the adults or anymore shy around me than anyone else. "You do have a point, you could be right." I admit after a couple moments.

"Though, we still need to know their methods, not only to see if they’re violent or illegal but also to see if they're usable in the medical world too." He admits, though that last bit sparking my curiosity, looking to him, watching a smile grow on his face as he continued. "If you can truly use it to change people's hearts, maybe it can be used to help treat mental disorders, like PTSD, bipolar disorders, depression, and so much more, it might be able to be used to help these people lead normal lives." Once Kaito-kun finished, he had a smile even I rarely saw, so bright and kind it could bring warmth and light to a room suffering a black in a blizzard.

"Hmm, I hadn't thought of that before, though we'd still need to learn their methods before that possibility." I admit, looking down, my hand going to my chin, before looking back to him, and noticing he was looking down and his smile faltered slightly 'wait, is there someone in specific he-' my thought was cut off as Kaito-kun quickly stood up.

"Well, we're at our stop, let's go before we're late." He smiles.

I stand up and head out, Kaito-kun following close behind, though realizing with a bitten back chuckle ‘of course he’d think about helping other people first, even if he had someone specific, not using a power like that for his own gain’.

***

I was currently finishing up a worksheet in class, and it took every ounce of self-control not to go and confront her. The bully, Yuno Takeya, was three seats behind me, and to make it that much more frustrating, I knew she was a rather big fan of mine. She'd been one of the first to teach me how to tune out loud and annoying fans when I needed to do anything more important. I heard the leather of my glove strain as my hand curled into fist thinking of her targets, due to her manipulativeness and probable jealousy, Kaito-kun was definitely a main target, due to his timidness and connection to me. As much as I wanted to drag her into an empty room and interrogate her till she told the truth, I needed to handle this far more tactfully 'and legally' than that 'I could go after her-no!' Kiato would never forgive himself once that was finished since he put in a request. An irritated sigh left my lips as I finished the worksheet, trying to figure out how to go about this before the perpetrator in question perked up.

"Um, does someone have a pencil I can borrow?" She spoke up, sounding embarrassed.

A small smirk pulled at my lips as I was sure there was a bit of a sly glint in my eye as I pulled a pen out of my pocket, pushing down on the clip, changing my face to that practiced smile as I heard a faint click. "I don't have a pencil, but I do have this, Takeya-chan." I smile, getting up and heading back to her.

"It'll do perfectly Akechi-kun, thank you." She smiled, taking the pen.

"Please be a little careful with it, it was a gift." I smile, 'though if it weren't for the fact I need evidence, I'd never let you touch it' I think, somehow managing to keep to smile. It'd been a gift from Kaito-kun for my last birthday, a voice recording pen, you could turn it on simply by pushing down on the clip, and of course, it wrote like a normal pen too.

"Of course, and thank you again, Akechi-kun." She smiles sweetly.

"No problem, and you can return it at the end of our last class today, okay?" I smile back, surprised no could could see through the plastic fakeness of it.

"Mhmm." She nods with a smile.

At that moment the bell rang, signaling for us to go to lunch, I quickly turned to give my work to the teacher and head out, wanting to be out of that wretch’s presence.

"That's all for today, turn in your work and don't forget you're homework is due Wednesday." The teacher announces.

I head out with a smirk, even though I'd probably want to wash the pen after I got it back, but I should definitely get some solid evidence.

*Kaitos P.O.V.*

I was waiting in the lunchroom, waiting for Akechi-senpai. Noticing Takeya-senpai coming in, I look down at the table, though happy knowing Akechi-senpai wouldn't be far behind.

"How many times have I told you not to wait for me to start eating?" I hear Akechi-senpai above me, making me jump slightly, before looking up to see him standing over me, a faintly scolding look in his eyes.

"But, I like eating with Ake- Goro-senpai, and I wasn't even waiting ten minutes." I smile sheepishly, he sighs and its next to me.

"So you're finally remembering you can call me by my first name?" He smirks, the scolding look in his eye fading as he sat next to me.

"Trying at least, and it seems you've got something for a case?" I smirk in response, recognizing that sly-but-happy glint in his eyes.

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xcup · 7 years ago

Text

i don't know what my mental health problem is anymore. i used to think i was bipolar and the doctors agreed. but i suppose you can phrase anything to sound like something else.

now that i'm happier, i can more readily identify mood shifts. weed helps propel me out of (but sometimes into) funks and irritability spells. i'm no longer on any medication. i weaned myself off on my terms.

every day i can see a bit clearer. bad moods, depression, anxiety, etc. have emerged in a pattern. i didn't want to consider this, but it may be that my menstrual cycle is at fault.

i used to think tattoos of the moon's cycle were so cliche but my dismissal was only proof of my refusal to understand. why identify with my cycle when it's so mired in shame and disgust? but it isn't, not really. we throw blankets of sentiment all over everything but it's only consequential to those of us who agree to play pretend.

the moon cycles, the menstrual cycle, and the cycle of life and death resonate with me so strongly now. my mood climbs to a peak toward ovulation until, like the full moon, i am brimming with light. a flood of happiness hormones takes me just as i'm the most fertile. life. but as the moment comes, passes, i waver. i hold onto the feeling as long as i can, but i know i am facing the decline now, waning rather than waxing. i am on my way to death, again. irritability first then depression.

then i die, reassuring myself it will pass as it always does. the cycle continues as it must. i am rebirthed with confused memories of death. "if i feel so fine now, did i really die?" related: post pregnancy, which is much worse, much closer to actual death. they are both death.

i like thinking about the sun and moon in terms of masculine and feminine energy. the sun is constant while the moon is in one stage of a continuous cycle. but the sun can be obscured by clouds. ah, but it's so traditional to think of men as constants but it isn't true. i keep hearing not all women are so affected by their periods.

so this is just fun stuff i like to think about. it makes me feel closer to the universe but i am still acknowledging that pattern recognition is cool but also fallible. so i half believe this.

done rambling, good morning

i wrote a haiku...in japanese...i'm embarrassed. i really like it. i love haikus.

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