#suicidal intentions mention

[windtooth-plane]

YoOoo hidden niche of pearls

Soooo about the scavengers,, and the bombs

What was that all about HmMMM?

{HNOP: "His facility collapsed, however, his puppet was retrieved by Emerald Leaves of the Pines' slugcats. He had been living there for some time attached to the same structure with an emergency port umbilical cord, however, now I believe he headed to Chimes' can after Clock decided to go there on her own. I don't know the details, as almost all of the people I've mentioned hate me. Islands and I are still fri- . . . Accomplices... and Pines treats me like he treats everybody. Endless and I haven't talked.}

{TEXT: "Well... An iterator from another local group gave me a pearl. Something I was never supposed to have in the first place. I know that now. The pearl contained sensitive information regarding the self-destruct taboo. Needless to say, the iterator Endless Moving Nights was attempting to surpass it. After talking to an iterator called Eight Islands under Storm Clouds, he gave me the blueprints to highly explosive spears. I gave them to my scavs to use against Endless.}

[dykedvonte]

Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.

I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.

This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.

The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.

It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…

The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.

[dumbassv32]

comic sketch + random doodles babyyy

[furiousgoldfish]

personal post (tw: suicidal ideation, detailed descriptions of psychological and emotional abuse, osdd, alters, theories about alters splitting)

I have a child alter who is wildly suicidal, to the point where they'll push me to commit suicide with every opportunity, and try to do psychological damage to me as an attempt to make me suicidal. I've been trying to figure out for years what was it that made them so determined to die, with no luck because this alter does not give any information away, and seems to hate me and my attempts.

Recently I've had a flashback where I remembered what it was like to be their age. It felt like I had to die. There was constant pressure, almost like a duty, that I have to be thinking about ending my life at all times. I needed to make sure I wasn't alive for long. And I felt this at all times, that continuing to be alive is a failure and I need to do whats right. It was bizarre to remember. But there had to be a reason I felt this.

I attempted again to probe at the alter, to try and figure out whats the reason for all this, what was done to us to make us so determined to die? And this time I managed to get a little bit of information – the the alter lashed out at me saying 'well there's no other way! remember this!' and I got some interesting flashbacks of psychological abuse. I knew vaguely this was going on, but forgot for the most part, that it had any effect on me. (tw for the next part)

When I was about 8 or 9, I got my own room, and one of my caretakers, my grandmother, had an issue with that. Until then, she was able to lock me in her own room and beat me, because I slept in there, but now it was a bit more difficult to catch me. So, she would often stand in my doorway, and scream at me, for hours, in bouts of intense rage. I thought this was normal at the time, just because it was so common, and nobody did anything to stop it.

She would start by calling me animal names, and demonic names, telling me that I'm the most selfish brat to ever exist who only ever thinks of themselves, and I will burn in hell for it – she would describe it in detail how I would be boiled eternally, there was no escape from it. Then she would go on to tell me how everything that is wrong in the world is directly my fault – my parents fighting, other people being upset, her entire life and misery, that was all on me, I was the direct cause of it. And then, she would go on to describe in detail, how she was going to kill me, usually suffocating me with her bare hands. And she would swear and promise that she would do it, she'd challenge me to not even think that it wouldn't happen. And then she'd go on to describe how much I deserved that, how everything I do in life is done directly to ruin her life, to cause her misery, how I'm a demon who is only happy when she suffers, how I satisfy myself by torturing her, how I am the most twisted, cruel, despicable, demonic, monstrous, unforgivable, horrendous ugly creature that ever existed, worst person in the entire world, and how I should be deeply ashamed of myself and everything I've ever done. She would state very clearly how everything in the entire world would be better if I didn't exist.

Now, me being age 9 or something like that, I thought, well, maybe she's right, maybe I am a bad person, maybe I am selfish by not forfeiting every second of my life to others, maybe I really am the reason everyone is fighting all the time, maybe I could have stopped it. Maybe I need to think about others more often, maybe I need to be more critical of myself. But, no matter how much I changed my behaviour, her rage wouldn't stop, until I was faced with the inescapable feeling of just being so intrinsically wrong and defected that I shouldn't exist. I remember wanting to disappear, wanting to fall trough the floor and into the earth and cease and desist. I would have to spend hours and hours listening to her scream, telling me I should have been murdered the second I was born.

And at this point my father had tried to/almost killed me a few times so death felt like a very inevitable and natural thing to happen to me. I wasn't even scared of upset about it because it just seemed like one of the normal things you know? If you're small and you see things are bad you easily accept your fate. If everyone around you thinks you should die, then you will die soon and thats that.

So by the age of 13 I was full on suicidal, I saw no value in myself, I felt violence and pain was all I deserved because everyone agreed upon it, and it was what I was experiencing at all times. I couldn't stop listening to the screaming and at the end of it, I just agreed with it, it felt true, why would anyone say it so many times, with such intense rage, if it was made up? And by the person who knew me since I was born? I had no arguments against it.

And then one day I was like, wait, this will kill me. Her screaming at me will force me into suicide. I can't have that. I need to cut her off if I want to live. This person doesn't love me, she's trying to kill me. I can't keep listening to her or I'll die. And then I did the funniest thing – I stopped talking to her even though we lived at the same house. And she did even funnier thing and DIDN'T NOTICE for a FULL YEAR. Which sounds wild on the surface, but here's how it played out: She would say something to me, I would stay quiet. She would assume my answer, and say what she wanted me to say, and add 'right?' at the end. I would stay quiet. She would continue the conversation as if I had said what she imagined. And this went on for a year.

With this new situation unfolding, I became certain that she didn't love me, even though she would cry and swear how she sacrificed everything for me and was the only person who loved me and so on – I literally caught her not noticing that she's cut off for a whole year. That was some heavy evidence and I had it.

The screaming however, continued, but now I decided, hey, I don't need to listen to this shit. I would put my hands on my ears (didn't have earphones in that era) and make whatever noises to shut her out. And it worked, I became unaffected by the screaming because I was no longer listening, she eventually stopped because it became obvious that I was oblivious to it and had no reaction, and I guess that was just not fun for her. I went on to not be severely affected by whatever she said because I understood by then that she's a liar and after my life and didn't care for her antics anymore.

Now you might be noticing a lack of consistency here – just how would a child who is completely broken and suicial just snap out of it, decide to cut off the cause of suicidality and then live on to be unaffected by the same abuse that almost cost them their life until then? I originally thought it was some survival instinct kicking in, letting me know that I'm too close to death and need to be putting some boundaries in my life, but that wasn't the case. I went on to think that I was no longer affected by the years of this abuse, I never thought about it, never felt like I needed to process that, I was convinced I dealt with this as a child.

What actually happened is that I became too close to suicide and I split. My osdd figured I was  close to death and something needed to be done. An alter formed who was able to contain all of that trauma inside themselves, the memories of how it felt to listen to that screaming for hours and hours until all hope was lost, until I could no longer see myself as anything but deserving of death and eternal hell. That was wrapped up and put inside a child version of myself who couldn't grow, couldn't see trough any of it, and had to stay trapped in that world, where they're always a minute away from being psychologically tortured and having their integrity assaulted in every way possible, and forced to listen how much their family members wanted to brutally murder them.

Once this alter split off, I was left in control of the body. I was able to evaluate the situation without the emotional effects of being brainwashed or tortured and decided to cut of grandmother immediately and to live my life without listening to her nonsense.

What is interesting to me is that this was the third time an alter split off in order for our life to be saved, one before was split due to my father, and another due to my grandmother, because of other nasty stuff she was doing to me. I'm trying to figure out just how neglected a child needs to be that a complete overhaul of attitude, sudden non-reactiveness to brainwashing and sudden complete apathy to screaming interactions, is just not noticed. Like this kid was close to death seconds before and now they're just fine and going on about their day ignoring everyone, and nobody noticed.

And this is not me being strong or resilient or anything like that. It was my brain tearing my memories and emotions in pieces and containing them into alters so that I would be able to live on without comitting suicide. If this hadn't happened I'd be dead. This also meant that all of that trauma would come back and make me sick for the rest of my life, or until I resolve it. That was me sacrificing my future in order to be able to survive the present. Developing trauma disorders that meant I would have to live while the pressure to commit suicide is always present in my brain, but I can resist it because I don't remember how it came to be there.

*

So, back to the main plot, after I finally extracted this information from my trapped, tortured alter, who just wanted to end it all, I said 'okay, well give the trauma to me, I'm older so it makes sense for me to handle it.'

I didn't handle it well. It was instant pain, dread, horror, I wanted to be dead. I was bedridden for days, kept re-experiencing the screaming, remembered  how many times I listened to descriptions of myself getting murdered, felt very horrified about it, and couldn't see how I thought this wouldn't affect me. What even needs to be wrong with a person to go tell a child in detail how they're going to murder them, how is this giving anyone pleasure. Feeling very icky about that. How hard would it be not to speak out loud your children-murdering fantasies. Get a secret diary or something for heavens sake.

It's a few days later and I am feeling, kinda weak, kinda close to passing out at all times, a bit shaken, bit scared. Very betrayed. Thankfully my sense of self is enough well established that I never doubt if anything that was said to me back then was true, because I'm so disgusted with the person who said it, I'm just feeling grossed out with it. I don't think I've managed to take in all of the trauma from the child alter, it wouldn't be something I could experience in a few days, it's been years of that stuff. But I'm glad to make progress, I'm pleased that something originally nonsensical makes sense, I'm glad I can make connections to why this alter is so suicidal, and I can at least try to make it easier on them. I'm hopeful that one day this part of me won't need to be trapped in an eternal state of a child being told to die.

[timetravellingkitty]

it's also been exactly two years since I planned on killing myself but then I accidentally fell asleep and then woke up on august 3rd feeling very disappointed lmao idk why but a small part of me is glad that I didn't have to go ahead with it even if it was a ridiculous over reaction

[nocinovae]

I have many feelings on the situation around abuse and power dynamics and assault that are coming to light at the moment. For the most part I feel that other peoples rage and statements are worded better. Though I had some thoughts and as someone who enjoyed psychoanalyzing fictional characters I have some realizations about c!Wilbur that I think some people will appreciate. Other than that Support and Listen to Victim. Don’t Put Streamers on Pedestals.

I hate how much I and so many people loved c!Wilbur for being a morally flawed traumatized mentally ill character.

The type of villain to enjoy in media but in a “I like them as a bad person. They fill the role they were written for very well.”

We took them as a “this is a bad person to enjoy through media” character. He showed the experience of how trauma and mental illness can effect relationship and morals.

I felt like I could take him as a caricature, an exaggerated form of many of my own insecurities and dark parts of myself.

BUT NO All c!Wilbur was was a self insert character of the writer’s desire for control and power over the people around him. Same with any of his other “characters” that we all thought were meant to be satire dark comedy of disgusting men in the world.

And he let us all believe this. It’s ironic the way he literally had his self insert pity oc kill himself after not having his apology accepted for all the harm he caused. How he was so distraught with having to actually work for redeeming himself more than just his words that his actions that he thought would resolved that was killing himself for a second time.

All the nuance and grey area I loved saw in c!Wilbur has been destroyed with the truth we all now see in William Gold. And that goes for so all of his artwork.

At least with this new lense on the artist we can take another view of his art and see deeper into the truth of What a Disgusting Piece of Shit this man is.

[wretchie]

,

[sleeplessfluid]

If I kms how mad/upset would you guys be?

[lisxdumbr]

Ok in a serious basis, I've wanted to talk about this since yesterday but I didn't want to fuel the drama back then.

Guys, please be very careful when talking to or about this person, their suicide baiting is not just a "hehe silly thing". This is s common manipulation method used by people. "If you leave I'll kill myself", "If you don't do x I will kill myself". PLEASE be careful, because what they're trying to do here is to search for people with enough compassion to trap them. The purpose of this varies from person to person. Some people want others to fix their problems, some people want a vessel or puppet to use; I honestly don't know what this person wants since at the end of the day I'm not them, but I do know that falling for this trap is going to drain you mentally in severe ways.

Being near a person like this can damage you too. Perhaps they don't even realize this but regardless, their actions do correlate, so please stay safe and don't feel pressure as if you had to do something or fix anything.

[mercymaker]

love is truly the dumb fuck juice of all time because a man can literally tell you 'i have violent thoughts of harming you' and your ass will be twirling hair and kicking feet like 'but would we kiss after that or?' like

[dreamybasil]

Please remind me to never look at hanged Sayori from doki doki, whenever I'm in a depressive mood

because then everything i can think of is just this (TW IN TAGS.)

Basil, around 18-19 years maybe. He couldn't take it anymore. Too much mental pressure on the trauma he had. Everyone acting different. It would be better to fall asleep and never wake up, to forever be in the perfect world. No one will bother you there and you can do whatever you want in there. No one will disagree or yell at you for that. You won't hear them anyway if they'll find you. You won't see them either. But you'll see them in your eternal sleep. Good night, Dreamer.

[scaryorganmusic]

i miss when teen wolf had collective suicide

[blackcherryvelvet0909]

Persayis: The Sins of the Mother (Pt. 2)

Content Warning: Canon typical violence, war violence, death, mention of murder, kidnapping, child abduction, mentions of blood and torture and injury, depression, mention of suicidal thoughts/intentions, mention of brainwashing Note: This is a more censored version of the original story, so it isn't too much for certain audiences. I have had a friend proofread the changes to make sure they are justifiable to post here. Should any of you have any other suggestions, DM me and I will consider them.

[fallenwhumpee]

Hello :D! Tis I, :D anon, with yet another snippet after hearing your cries for leader whump ✨️ (totally get it lol I also think we need more leader whumpees)

I feel like I should mention there's sort of minor whump (ish? It mentions dead kids) and implied (?) suicidal ideation.

Anyway enjoy!!

-

Leader walked down the empty beach, the taste of salt hanging in the air, and the waves crashing on the shore.

They did it. They were safe.

Child would've loved this place, Leader thought. They'd drag Youngest into the water, splashing them as they tried to run away from the cold water. Teammate A would watch from afar, laughing, as Medic scrambled after the two kids, ensuring they didn't drown. In their minds eye, they could see Teammate B lounging in the sand, before regretting it as they grains showered out of their long hair.

Right Hand...

"There isn't anything wrong with crying, Leader," Right Hand said softly. "You shouldn't be ashamed of missing them."

Leader's breath hitched. "Still. I should've done more for them. I should've saved them! Medic and Teammate A never got to see their own kid grow up! Not that there was much to see in the end, since Youngest--"

Right Hand watched sadly as Leader struggled to breathe between sobs.

"And Child-- our own kid, Right Hand! I couldn't protect our own kid!"

"You tried your best, Leader."

"Well, it wasn't enough!" Leader snapped. "Teammate B didn't have to die! If I was just a little faster--"

"It was their time to go," Right Hand said gently, but Leader shook their head.

“I could’ve saved almost any of them. But I couldn’t. I didn’t. I should’ve done more for them. I should’ve done more for you,” they said. “Even if I was able to find this place, the only people I brought with me were Teammate C, Magician, and Healer. Why couldn’t I have brought more? Why couldn’t they have lived? They all looked to me to be their leader, so why couldn’t I protect them?!"

Right Hand hesitated. "It wasn't your fault, Leader," they said quietly.

"Then who's fault is it?!" Leader screamed. Their breath came in gasps, tears streaming freely.

"Leader."

Leader looked up, eyes widening as they realized what they had done.

"I-- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... to..."

"I know." And Leader could feel them squeezing their hand in that reassuring way they always did. "It's alright."

The taste of salt wasn't only because of the ocean spray, Leader knew.

"...I'll come find you, Right Hand," they said softly.

"Don't you dare!" Right Hand snapped. "It's not your time. You still have things to do, Leader."

"What things? Those three are more than capable of taking care of themselves." Leader's voice shook as they spoke. "I've done my job. They're safe."

Leader's breath came in small gasps as they kept walking down the beach, alone. Their mind projected images they both desperately wished to disappear and desperately clung to. Child laughing as Youngest screeched at a too high wave. Medic anxiously keeping them from going in too deep, before being tackled into the water by Teammate A. Teammate B laughing as Medic spluttered, and Right Hand elbowing them none too gently, ignoring Leader's protests to keep still as they braided their hair. Just like they always did.

Leader held back another sob. They'd cried enough today. Still, their words caught in their throat.

"I don't even have you here with me anymore."

-

Fun fact!! This is a refurbished lil snippet I wrote a while back that I just stripped the names of lol. Also, the Leader and Youngest here are the same ones that inspired the first snippet I sent you :D (Right Hand is Medic if you're curious)

:D anon

OH NO. Anon I'm crying and it's 2 am. This is gorgeous. This is so... oh my. I didn't expect this. It's also so fitting because im at a beachside. Just. Wow. It hurts. Well done.

"Their mind projected images they both desperately wished to disappear and desperately clung to." Someone give this guy a hug. Please. This is so sad, and I can feel it.

The last line. Just *scream*. I didn't need my heart.

And I would really like to read your story! Two snippets in, and I'm hooked.

This will haunt me for a while. It feels absolutely vivid.

Thank you for thiss<3

[carnivalls]

@you-are-my-neverland bouncing your tags like a basketball thanks so much.. you’re right, i love my fucked up girls and just really want other people to love them too! or hate them, tbh. any strong emotion would fit the bill.

also two things:

1) yes, juve is the only one to know of safi’s death, even if she doesn’t quite think of it that way because in her mind she is quite literally keeping safi alive - or helping safi live, rather, helping her grow and develop the same way safi would have, the same way safi could have if she hadn’t cut the story short so soon. juve sees what she’s doing as a favor to safi, if a little bit of a fuck you, see what other options you had? she feels qualified to be safi - and, as time goes on, maybe even a little bit more qualified than safi herself was, since at this point juve had ‘furthered her character’ so much more than safi herself had been able to.

in juve’s own words:

(which also ties in with the fake-humble superiority complex juve has towards other skinshifters. but sorry i’m getting off track.)

essentially juve is the one who found safi’s suicide note, dedicated to her, and was so blindsided by grief she turned it into scorn and vague irritation instead - half over the whole situation, which she found entirely avoidable, and half over the fact that there was a note to start with. like, who did safi think juve was, to think she needed an explanation for why she did this? how stupid and oblivious did she think juve was? of course juve knew the reasons. she just didn’t agree with the course of action. and then there was the matter of the contents of the letter itself:

so, yeah. total fail on safi’s end as far as juve sees it (shock is one hell of a drug)

juve went on to keep the note, then shift into safi and take her place to her family and the wider world at large. safi’s parents never paid notice to juve so there was never any question as to where juve went, and juve’s nini (grandmother & primary caretaker, given her parents traveling abroad) had recently passed away as well (another thing juve wasn’t quite processing) - so people assumed her to be grieving, and that she’d just withdrawn for a while. later, when juve didn’t reappear, this view changed to ‘oh shit maybe she ran away?? maybe she killed herself??’ and other general theorization that juve didn’t bother updating them on. this went on for a few months before safi’s parents decided to enlist her for the academy

2) thank you so much for title validation i’d been manifesting a chance to use her for ages - i can finally live out my dream of having two linked wips named after the expressions ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ / ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ 🙏

[dogydayz]

I stood up upon that old cliff out in the forest and looked out at the drop below. I usually wasn't so damn... Sad... back then, or at least I never admitted that I was, but... At that point I'd hit an especially low point. I'd say it was maybe a year or two ago, not super sure at this point, keepin' track of time is a fuckin' waste nowadays anyway.

I'd been... Battlin' with lotsa thoughts, thoughts 'bout where I came from, who I was. It was... At a point where I'd accepted that I wasn't meant ta be here, but I also felt super fuckin' lost all the same. I'd accepted it, but I wasn't at peace with that shit, so it made me angry and upset and I sometimes thought I was gonna just burst into tears. Fuckin' weak, if ya ask me, but at the same time... Lettin' myself cry later on was the best feelin' I'd had in so long...

But at this point, I wasn't alright with that idea. I couldn't act like that, I'd told myself. But all the same, I felt lost and confused, and useless too. I wasn't a fuckin' hero, and I couldn't even make myself into a competent adversary. I was just some guy who fucked shit up for the others, just an asshole with no place in this realm. Even at that point I was still stuck on wantin' ta be a part of shit, yet not wantin' ta become one of those "goody goody" folks, cause that shit's not me.

So I didn't see myself goin' anywhere. No buddies, not anymore, I hadn't seen those fuckers in years by then. No purpose, nothin' ta strive for or do. Bein' "above" people didn't even appeal to me anymore.... No real reason to stick around, huh?

So that's what I thought about. Would probably make their lives easier, I thought. They'd probably like me better if I took out the damn trash, I convinced myself.

But I'll admit, heights fuckin' scare the shit outta me, so I hesitated, I hesitated for a long while.

Long enough ta hear the sound of an engine, and the sounds of rough wheels digging into the dirt and underbrush, approaching, getting louder fast, before I heard the sounds of breaking and skidding to a halt. The low rumble of the motor slowly died down, and I heard feet hit the ground.

I turned my head to see who was there, then spun and tensed up, facing the familiar person.

And, as usual, he only stared back at me with a blank sort of expression, classic look for the stupid bastard huh?

Shadow... He knew me all too well. For all I knew he hated me with a passion. For all I knew he hadn't killed me yet because that blue idiot absolutely refuses to let him. Too fuckin' merciful man, he coulda avoided so much shit had he just eliminated me...

And yet, as we stared at one another, not saying a word, his expression... It... Slowly changed. Not to rage, not to hatred, not to any sort of disgust or anger.... It was... More like some weird fuckin' mix of... Empathy and... Sadness? Not... Not sadness, somethin' like sadness though. Those same vibes.

All he did was give a soft sigh, before turning away and hoppin' back on his bike, giving me one last look... One as if to say "follow, if you want", before he drove away back into the forest on the nearby track I think he'd been travellin' on prior.

Somethin' about that... How he'd looked at me and just.... Said nothin'... It got to me a lil. That shit hurt, and I still don't really know why.

He'd had every opportunity to kill me, then and there. He coulda gotten ridda my sorry ass 'n avoided dealing with my bullshit later on. Yet, despite all that... He... Almost... Seemed like he'd wanted to say somethin' to me.

And... He also didn't try ta stop me. Something about that too just fuckin'... I dunno, it... Confused me so much that... When I looked back over the cliff's edge, I... I didn't desire that anymore. I didn't feel like it was needed. I was curious, I... Had ta figure out why the fuck he'd just... Been like that to me. Why he'd looked like he cared about me. He's wasting his damn time caring about a fuckin shitfaced loser like me, but...

I can't help but want it to be true.

Maybe I am just a selfish prick, who fuckin' knows. All I know is that I...

I desperately want to have somethin' to hold onto here, in this world that's not my own... I don't think I'm ever goin' back anyway...

And I decided then that I'd... At least attempt to make something for myself. Homeless, idiotic, and, admittedly, depressed as shit... I still, in that moment, wanted ta try.