#suffocation feelings

[skellydun]

who wants to lay on top of me like a weighted blanket and fix me

[ispyspookymansion]

[fuji-sen]

Monachopsis; SAGAU Creator!Reader Headcanon

Monachopsis: the subtle feeling of being out of place.

c/w: angst, homesickness, slight cult genshin impact characters.

synopsis: The adrenaline and excitement had worn off, what replaced it was a sense of detachment and the feeling of homesick-ness slowly building up. No longer feeling joy at being treated like a God in your favorite game, you could only feel that subtle but persistent feeling that you did not belong there coupled with the sadness and grief at your past life.

divider credits: @enchanthings

✨ you wonder how things became like this, perhaps it was because you were constantly detained and kept inside a lavish palace, unable to see the outside world.

✨ or perhaps it was how your acolytes treat you.

✨ they did not harm you, but they might as well have all together.

✨ they treat you so full of devotion and reverence. Their touches stiff and light never holding you for longer than it is necessary, their manner of speech was always formal, never jovial even the bard of Mondstadt had a more serious and deep persona when it came to you.

✨ although their goal was simply to respect you for you were their supposed Creator, that very devotion towards you became the very wall that separated you from them.

✨ you could not get close to them, you could not pass that damned relationship between a Creator and a faithful believer.

✨ Furina had been closed to you at least, perhaps because she understood your plights. However your relationship seemed sinful in the eyes of the other acolyte.

✨ you no longer were able to see the cheerful girl.

✨ Buer or Nahida who's ability to read minds and the hearts of people worked on you, but it seemed she had learned from Fontaine's leader, she did not get close to you, however she left more sincere gifts for you.

✨ handwritten letters, books with annotations, even Aranara's were given to you on the guise of being servants.

✨ speaking of gifts, wealth, gems, lavish furniture, clothes made from the rarest fur and the softest silk had been presented to you. At first it made you overjoyed, to received the things you had long for, to become rich and wealthy.

✨ now seeing the pile of untouched presents all you could feel was cold, it was impersonal really. The clothes did not suit you, the gems and gold were useless for you could not even go out to spend it, the furniture as well for it was too big for you to used by yourself and you lacked the friends to even sit together with and have a chat.

✨ however upon seeing your favor towards the dendro archon's gifts, they tried to follow in suit. Yet their letters were simply filled with compliments of your visage, poems and tales about how great you were, talking about you as if you were a historical person they had studied and were doing a greatly embellished report on but never truly getting to know you.

✨ to fight off the feeling of sadness that began to wallow in you, you asked for them, desperately, "treat me as your friend, if you truly love me as your God then treat me how I want to be treated." you'd say.

✨ they looked at each other, before carefully and hesitantly agreeing.

✨ now you felt guilty, they spend their times on you. Chatting with you, telling you stories.

✨ you feast together, with food made by Xiangling and other characters.

✨ but even as they surround you, their conversations became white noise to you and the food seemed tasteless under your tongue.

✨ you did not feel like you belong among them. especially with that nagging voice in your head, snickering and whispering that 'they aren't your friends, they're just acting like it all because their precious Creator begged them to.'

✨ In the past, or your past life, doing something for yourself, by yourself seemed like a chore. The mundane chores, your job, studying even, but now that seemed like a luxury with the title of God.

✨ they did not ask you to do anything, you did not participate in state of the nation addresses, you could not change laws or fight for the people. . at least they didn't let you.

✨ you could not even clean your own room or dress yourself, Noelle took care of the cleaning, Chiori took care with choosing a set of clothes each day for you to wear like you were a kid and Xiangling did the cooking.

✨ It left you with nothing to do, like you had no purpose other than sitting still and looking pretty like a piece of decoration.

✨ Nobody disagreed with you even, nobody argued with you, they were like yes-men. God you began to miss your parents and siblings, you missed your classmates/coworkers, you missed working, you missed being your own person!

✨ it was beginning to eat you up at this point,

✨ to the point you had became overwhelmed with sadness.

might make a mini-headcanon series for this or an actual series revolving around this idea/angst.

do you want a series like this tho? it'd be heavily angst and might just have a bad ending or good ending.

[courtmartialme]

pregnant riza going through mood swings because i need her to tell roy to kill himself and then cry about it😚😚😚 good thing roy loves her a lot and is having fun getting to see riza being so honest about her feelings whether it is because they didn't have what she wanted at the store or because she said he should die lmao

[froggerland]

I could’ve sworn someone sent me a request for some Goodcollins but apparently im going insane bc theres nothing in my ask box?? (well no goodcollins request at least)

Anyways take this, anatomy is kinda whack and its very messy in general but i wanted to draw some fluff (I am a big guy Henry Collins truther even if its just to distinguish him from Goodsir bc they lowkey look similar if you’re not as deep into the terror swamp yet)

[wikoymi]

postgame komahina househouse with pet cat named aki (after chiaki) and she really likes nagito. and hajime i guess but if nagitos home she’ll only sit on hajime if nagito is sitting on hajime

[sprtruechara]

chara can have a little bit of protective older sibling traits, as a treat. why does frisk sleep face down

[dangeroustaintedflawed]

welcome 2 my blog ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

hiii :) i hope my blog provides some kind of comfort or relatability or maybe u just enjoy the aesthetics. anyways whatever the reason u find urself reading this , i hope u have a beautiful day <3

some things about me :

୨୧ my name is sharon

୨୧ i’m 16 years old, my birthday is february 2nd 2008 <3

୨୧ aqua 𖤓, sag ☾, leo ↑

୨୧ huge AHS fan

୨୧ luke hemmings real girlfriend ♡

୨୧ mostly into pop/rock, i luv ariana grande, lana del rey, 5sos, ethel cain, marina, hole, nicole dollanganger, mazzy star, fiona apple, lady gaga, taylor swift, 1D, the 1975

୨୧ huge film freak (esp for horror), some favs r scream, lady bird, bones and all, suspiria, barbie, carrie and girl interrupted

୨୧ linked my blog pinterest/personal pinterest/spotify/letterboxd here ♡

୨୧ random sideblog @vaporvelvet / ed sideblog @crueldoll

୨୧ my inbox is always open if u ever need advice or just need someone 2 talk to.

୨୧ thank u sm for 12k !!! <3

content warning - sometimes ed / gore / depressing shit ??? idk . i’m still full of luv tho promise . <3

divider from @crylynnluv

sending u love and kisses and sparkles from tumblr.com xoxo

[gaytommykinard]

but in all seriousness it's lovely to see them so comfortable with each other. i fucking love that 20-second dinner scene. it gives us so much. them going from the hospital to buck's loft for dinner, the whole buck coming home to his man thing of it all. not changing into a different outfit for date night (because they're coming off after dinner anyway). tommy noticing buck's mood is off and checking in. opening up about his own captain/dad. buck feeling so confident in his relationship with tommy that he's just switching gears to flirt and lighten the mood. tommy matching him beat for beat. what if i [remembering kms jokes are bad] hibernate until september because i miss them so much i cant wait to see them on my screen i hope they continue thriving <3

[thatsolacegirl]

I can't even imagine what COVID did to me. I had it twice before I could get a vaccine. (In my country, it was rolled out stage-wise. Basically, front-line workers got them first, then old people, then people of my parents' age, then me & the people in the age range b/w 18-45, & then younger children. So, b/w Oct 2020 and April 2021, I had covid twice.)

The first time I had it with my father, he barely made it out. He was in ICU, bi-pap. It took him literally 5 months to recover and another year and a half to come to his somewhat pre-covid health. I was with him in the hospital. He would've been in total isolation if I hadn't followed him (DW, I wasn't admitted to the ICU). On top of that, he is a patient with epilepsy. After covid (& still), he had to take more medicines than he was taking earlier.

The second time I had was absolutely harrowing. My ability to think just vanished for a week. That too happened during the week of assignment submission. I think that had made my immunity so weak that I get cold & flu every season (which had never happened before). Last year, I got sick 5 times, that is once every two months. Also, this year, I have had constant stomach issues (and the fucking joke is that it happened once after eating groundnuts which I was never allergic to begin with).

Also, this whole thing fucks up with your motivation & your belief system. You're not the person you were anymore. This whole thing left me with so much scepticism. The first time when I was in the hospital, I saw body bags every two days. It shakes to your core. When you see death being so near to you & you know whether your dad will survive, it fills your heart with dread.

And then I see news that people refuse to wear masks. It fills me with rage. The only thing that protected my mother & my sister from covid the first time was they wore masks.

[mikimeiko]

I Saw the TV Glow (Jane Schoenbrun, 2024)

[gurggggleburgle]

Despite popular belief as someone who owns a skinjiu and loves him dearly they are

A) not cruel and needlessly vicious 24/7. Yes he's an incorrigible brat and will start destroying things if he doesn't get what he wants but like all skinzuns are a little mean somewhere in their systems

B) totally capable of socializing with a skinhe and trying not to kill them. While my skinzun isn't actively letting my babies suckle for milk they do play fight all the time. Yes I know in the wild skinjius will eat skinhe skittens but domestically, that doesn't happen. Those videos you see on MyBingSpace are fake. My skinzun does take bites out of bingsoup and shrimphe, but neither of them care of seem to mind. Most days, they just stay at opposite ends of the house barely interacting.

C) if your skinjiu is being mean and awful to you maybe just give them space and don't baby them. I feel like a lot of people get this idea that with enough love and kindness you can completely rewrite a skinjius personality. Love your awful stinky man as he is.

D) Skinjius do not have more elitist and refined tastes that make feeding them a bitch. I promise you that if he sees you drinking Fiji water he wants it because he sees you have it. If you fill it with tap he won't know the difference.

E) they are also not smarter by default either. I once watched this fucking moron stare at how I rearranged the living room and he was absolutely flabbergasted at how to walk between the pieces for a solid minute even though there was so much room. Like your little snob is also capable of being a dumb fuck and that's fine.

[recurring-polynya]

Bleach Pilot Chapter/Bleach Ch. 98 A Star and a Stray Dog

I am in shambles.

[eelclaw]

stupid fucking bastard. i am not coping with the leaks

[wolfietheangel]

can you believe this is the same guy

[sizzlingstarlightsky]

Waging A Mental War

Azriel x Reader with OCD

Summary: After the battle with Hybern, your mental health declined. The OCD you thought you had control over begins to consume you. Everything is wrong. Will anything ever feel right?

word count: 1500

The morning light spilled into the room, illuminating the dust motes that danced in the air. It was a sight that had once brought you peace, a gentle reminder of the world's persistent beauty, even amidst the quiet moments.

But today, as you lay in bed, your eyes followed their erratic paths with a sense of dread, your mind already racing with the tasks that awaited.

You knew you wouldn't find peace in the day ahead.

Your OCD had taken over your life since the war ended, turning simple routines into exhausting rituals that had to be performed to perfection.

The nightmares had lessened over time, but the intrusive thoughts remained, a persistent echo of horrors. Experienced and hypothetical.

You sat up, your body moving almost of its own accord, as it had so many times before. Your eyes scanned the room for any signs of imperfection, any items out of place.

The sight of your sword, leaning against the wall, sent a shiver down your spine. The blade gleamed, a stark contrast to the darkness of the memories it held.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to focus on the present. The compulsions grew stronger, demanding that you check the weapon, ensure it was clean and sharp, despite having done so only hours earlier.

The bed sheets felt like a prison, clinging to your legs as if to hold you back from facing another day. But you had to go on.

With trembling hands, you began the meticulous process of folding them, smoothing out each wrinkle, aligning each corner until not a single thread was out of place.

The scent of breakfast wafted up from the kitchen, a mix of roasting meat and baking bread that usually brought comfort.

Today, it was a call to hurry, to perform your morning rituals before the others awoke and noticed the extra time it took you.

You knew they didn't mean to pressure you, but their very existence felt like a weight on your shoulders.

How could you explain that the mere act of existing was now a battle?

Even here, in the warm embrace of your home, the whispers of doubt lingered. Were you truly safe? Would today be the day the enemy found you again?

Safety isn't real. My thoughts aren't real.

Your mind healers' words echoed through your head. Usually, it helped ground you, but today was an extra bad day.

As you descended the stairs, your heart pounded in your chest, the rhythm setting the pace for the rituals to come. Each step had to be taken with care, the right foot first, then the left, alternating in a precise pattern to ward off the anxiety.

You reached the bottom and paused, your eyes darting to the floor. A speck of dust caught your attention, and your hand twitched, yearning to wipe it away.

But no, not yet. The order had to be maintained. That would mean washing your hands again. They were already dry and flaking.

You tried to smile at the others as they greeted you, but the effort felt forced, the muscles in your face protesting against the lie.

They couldn't understand the chaos in your head, the relentless need to count, to clean, to ensure everything was in its rightful place. It was a war you fought alone, even as they offered you companionship and warmth.

Azriel looked at you with concern. His eyes, once cold and unreadable, had softened over the months you'd spent together. He knew something was wrong, but even his understanding couldn't bridge the gap between you.

"You're taking longer than usual," he said gently, his voice a low rumble that seemed to resonate in the very air around you.

Yoy nodded, your throat tight with the effort of keeping your emotions in check.

"Just...just making sure everything's right."

He approached, his movements fluid and silent, a stark contrast to the cacophony in your mind. He placed a scared hand on your shoulder, his touch grounding.

"Let me help," he offered, his voice filled with genuine concern.

For a moment, the compulsions wavered, and you considered his offer. But the fear of losing control was too great.

"No," you replied, your voice shaking slightly. "It has to be me. It has to be perfect."

He searched your eyes, his own filled with a mix of compassion and frustration.

"Y/N, you're not alone in this. Let me share the burden."

You pulled away, the need to clean now overwhelming.

"I can't," you whispered, the words barely audible over the clanging of pans. "If it's not perfect, if I don't do it, something terrible will happen."

Azriel's eyes searched yours, understanding dawning.

"Your thoughts are lying to you," he said firmly. "You're not responsible for everything, not every outcome."

You looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

"They feel so real," you murmured, my voice tight with anguish. "It's like they're a part of me."

With a sigh, Azriel stepped back, giving you the space you needed.

He knew pushing would only make it worse. Instead, he picked up a plate and began filling it with food.

"Eat," he said, placing it in front of you. "You need your strength."

You stared at the plate, your stomach twisting in knots. The food looked delicious, but the thought of eating it without first ensuring that the kitchen was spotless was unbearable.

"I-I'll clean up first," you stammered, already moving towards the counter where dirty dishes were piled.

"No," Azriel's voice was firm, but not unkind. He took your hand and led you to the table, gently guiding you into a chair.

"You need to eat. Your health comes first." His gaze held yours, unyielding yet filled with care.

The others in the kitchen paused their work, watching you both with a mix of curiosity and concern. They had seen the changes in you, the way you flinched at sudden sounds or the way you checked and rechecked the locks at night. They had offered their support, but none of them truly understood the monster that had taken residence in your mind.

"Please," you whispered, the word a desperate plea. "I can't."

But Azriel's grip on your hand was firm.

"You can, and you will," he said, his voice a gentle command. "We'll start small. Just a few bites."

You nodded, the fight draining out of you. The others returned to their tasks, the sounds of their movements a comforting backdrop to the silent war waging within.

You picked up your fork, the metal cold against your fingertips. The food on your plate looked so normal, so innocent. Yet the simple act of taking a bite felt like defying an unseen enemy.

The first bite was torture, each chew and swallow a fight in itself.

But as the food settled in your stomach, the hunger you'd ignored for so long began to gnaw at you. With shaking hands, you took another mouthful, and another. The taste grew more familiar, less foreign with each bite.

The warmth of the food spread through your body, and for a brief moment, the obsessions receded. It was a small victory, but one you clung to with desperation.

The others had learned not to disturb you during these moments. They had seen the toll your compulsions took on you, the way they stole your joy and energy. They had offered to help, to take over some of the tasks that triggered your anxiety, but you had always refused. It was a prideful stance, you knew, but one driven by fear.

If you let go, if you allowed the chaos to seep in, you were afraid it would consume you.

But as you sat there, the weight of Azriel's hand on yours, you realized how much you had missed. The simple act of eating breakfast without first scrubbing the kitchen to an impossible standard was a small act of rebellion against the relentless voice in your head. It was a taste of freedom, one you hadn't experienced in what felt like an eternity.

"Thank you," you murmured, your eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"You're welcome," Azriel replied, his thumb making comforting circles on the back of your hand. "It's okay to need help."

For a moment, you allowed myself to just be, to feel the warmth of his touch and the solidity of his presence beside you.

You took a deep breath, feeling the tension in your chest begin to ease. Maybe he was right. Maybe you could fight this, with his support.

"Let's go for a walk," Azriel suggested, his voice a gentle nudge. "The fresh air might do you good."

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