#sucks I have work today so if anyone else drops new eps I won’t be able to watch them right away

[jaggednes]

YES THE CROSSOVER CONTINUES!!! CAN’T WAIT!!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Nov 2021 Wk 3 - Bad Buddy is carrying us all 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Love With Benefits Ep 2 - I watch this one sped up (yes I can still read the subs) it’s still slow. These two are better at playing enemies than lovers, so far, and I’m still not sure about it. [Official Eng Subs started Nov 17, airing every Weds on YouTube: DV8 Thailand.]

Loveless Society Ep 1 - didn’t drop to Line international on Thursday so I have no idea what is going on. 

Bad Buddy (YouTube) Ep 4 - Continues to be great even with the introduction of The Dreaded Faen Fatale (TM). Nanon is amazing, Ohm is fab, it’s a lot of fun. It’s the BL I’m living for right now. I’m live blogging it here.

Between Us special 2 - honestly could these two get any cuter? Also, are BounPrem the BEST pair at product placement in the history of BL? Could be. Honestly though, that’s not really what adults use baby power for boys... but you do you. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Type (Taiwan indie - hard to find but a kind soul is subbing it here) Ep 2-4 it’s getting really cute, absolutely classic short form indie BL, with all the tropes and honestly, what’s not to like? It’s feels oddly Chinese BL old fashioned, liek Mr X and I or something. Love it.  

My Beautiful Man AKA Utsukushii Kare (Japan - Gaga) Ep 1 was supposed to drop today (Nov 19) - I don’t have Gaga and I didn’t see the gif wizards or anyone else talking about it, or going gaga over it. So not sure whether it doesn’t have eng subs yet or if it’s just not very good or still hasn’t dropped. Here’s the trailer. 

Vanishing My First Love AKA Kieta Hatsukoi (Japan - indie subbed) Ep 6 was fine, but the weakest installment I felt, still funny but I’m beginning to find the drama kind of manufactured and Aoki’s doubts too unfounded. This is a good one to take a rest on, though. Which brings us to: NEWS

Kieta Hatuskoi gets Wide Distribution. I reported all about it here, and what’s going on from industry back end. It’s going to both Netflix (Asia) and Viki (Americas, Europe, Africa, Oceania). Here in the states I found it on Viki listed in English as My Love Mix-Up (they are looking for a channel manager). I know it sucks to wait but this is a GOOD thing. Someone bought it for distribution! $$$ went to the creators. Yay!!! 

In Case You Missed It

Hong Kong micro BL The Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name finished its run on YouTube and will now be airing on Gaga. It’s cute but nothing special. 

Money Boys the movie launched in Taiwan. I suspect this one will end up on either Gaga or Viki but may take a while. 

Oxygen the series got picked up by VIki for distribution. I’m not saying this means it might leave YouTube, but I’m not saying it won’t either. Sometimes VIki licenses properties for exclusivity (HIStory franchise) sometimes it doesn’t (Word of Honor). It does seem to be they often get exclusives on Taiwanese and Korean BL (Wish You excepted), but not Chinese, and only half the time Thai. And, of course, it looks like Kieta Hatuskoi is going in as an exclusive (I’d expect nothing less from a Japanese show currently airing to a Japanese company). I checked Mauve and as of Weds it was still on YouTube. Anygay, this may explain why they suddenly started dropping those specials last month. 

Tiny baby Thai BL pulp Bx xM dropped Nov 10, but I totally missed it last week. Under 20 minutes long it’s about a high school love triangle, two boys and a girl. Told from the girl’s perspective, subs aren’t great, but it’s still cute. 

GOSSIP 

Thai BL short movie The Couple got a baby teaser, looks like a high school pulp love triangle kinda thing. 

Earth & Mix (from Thai Bl 1000 Stars) reported filming a pilot (tester) trailer for working title Cupid’s Will for GMMTV. Possible BL, no MDL listing yet. 

Catch Me Baby new Thai drama series about and investigator and a fixer on opposite sides to feature a BL side couple played by James & Net (who are also the leads in Bed Friend. James was Gui’s bestie, Beer, in Oxygen. And one of my top picks last year to get his own series, so of course I’m taking all the credit.) 

K-BL Cherry Blossoms After Winter is wrapping up filming already, so it might be coming earlier next year than we thought. 

K-BL Semantic Error got cast and started filming. Korea really is ramping up production of BL these days. 

Speaking of Korea, Park Jun Hee (AKA Jun, leader of K-pop A.C.E.) is part of K-BL Tinted With You (seen below with leads Kim Tae Jung & Yoon Hyun Woo). That’s a pretty green cast but also... intriguing. This BL starts airing end of Dec on Viki. A.C.E. also sang the OST for Light On Me. I might have to became a stan at this juncture. (incidentally, he’s not the first idol to star in a BL while still active in a group, I think Lee Sang of Imfact takes that prize (Wish You). 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons. Also I tend to put Sat/Sun stuff onto Mondays.

Thai BL Paint with Love and Vietnamese BL Mr Cinderella start next week. But the V-BL subs probably won’t drop until the week after. 

This are getting absolutely dire, time to rewatch all your old favorites for the holidays I guess. Bring on 2022! 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here. (many of these now unlikely to happen this year) and I probably should stop linking to this and just transfer most of them to the new 2022 Master, but I’m too lazy this week. 

Links to watch are provided when possible, leave a comment if I missed something.

This week’s best moment?

[dogcopter]

Rose is Lion Liveblog episode 45: Rose’s Scabbard Part One (long)

Rose is Liveblog 2020 Masterlist

(recap/summary: I’m liveblogging every Lion appearance in SU in order to emphasize that he is obviously the heinous, beautiful Rose Quartz in disguise. This episode in particular is a smoking gun like Escapism)

Lion takes center stage opposite Pearl in Rose’s Scabbard. Steven learns a bit about him, and about Rose. This episode, Lion’s revelatory behavior towards Pearl stands out.

Lion looks unhappy to be here. He is unhappy because he is Rose Quartz, and has thousands of years of regrets.

Pearl suggests Steven rob a grave and also that he get Lion obedience training. Lion appears to follow a magic butterfly through the strawberry patch. 

Steven says “We’re making progress. Now he looks at me when I say his name!” and calls to Lion, who ignores him.

Lion digs up Rose’s Scabbard.

Pearl’s jaw drops.

“That’s the scabbard to Rose’s sword!”

She tries to yank it from Lion’s mouth. He’s annoyed, because it was for Steven, not her.

Lore concept: In this episode, it’s made clear that Lion knows Pearl, likes her, and cares about her to some extent. These things are true of Rose Quartz, but new to Lion’s characterization.

Lion resists at first, but is defeated. Pearl shoos him away. 

One of Lion’s most consistent traits thus far is not giving a shit about what anyone around him is doing, but this episode, he’s attentive to Pearl. Why’s he making eye contact with Pearl and reacting personally? IMO that is super obviously Rose Quartz.

Look at this exchange. Lion often has ambiguous expressions, but that looks like a smile. Lol.

Although he “spoke” to Steven in Lion and Lion 2, at this point in the series he has only recently shown real affection toward Steven, in Lion 3. There’s also a whole running gag in almost all of his appearances that he doesn’t care what Steven wants or cares about because he’s a cat. He’s hardly ever attentive to Steven’s requests, with the exception of Rose lore. 

Amethyst hugged him once onscreen, in Ocean Gem, and he and Pearl watched Steven sleep and she spoke at him once. The only other character he’s interacted with at any length onscreen is Connie, and they will become close later in the series because Rose Quartz loves Imagination and Connie is an MG fantasy protagonist. At this point, Connie and Lion had a couple of moments: his interest in her in Lion 2 and cooperating to rescue Steven in Ocean Gem. But aside from how he acted in Lion 2 he really hasn’t been social like this.

Lion snorts in Pearl’s face when she shoos him, annoying her. 

“Mom fought here?” “That’s right! And I fought alongside her.” (said while alongside Lion)

A teary-eyed Pearl recounts the glory of Rose Quartz. 

Garnet tries to keep it real, but Pearl at this point in the series is still coping via Rose Quartz fanfiction, which has been her coping mechanism ever since a clown dressed up as her hot OC 6,000 years ago, so naturally, she associates telling epic RQ stories with inspiring her charge (Steven) in an effort to fill the void...

Anyway she says “Here we made our stand against our Homeworld!” and a half-truth, “We won!” Winning meaning the Earth not being colonized I suppose. 

We don’t get to see Lion’s reaction to this. Probably as he is Rose Quartz he is thinking things like, “At one point listening to a Rose Quartz story GMH but now the lies are too bitter” or “this is almost definitely where I betrayed my best friend and biggest fan, the #1 Crystal Gem, Bismuth. I am a bad person” or maybe “It sucks that approx. 5,300 years ago all these people believed in the cause and now they’re digimons in bubbles in the basement and I feel personally responsible” or maybe just “It’s sad to see Pearl like this.” there are layers. Or maybe he feels nothing at all because Rose is still working on empathy! It’s probably a mix of different things.

Steven is dazzled, ofc, which is what matters.

Next part of the ep lacks Lion but recap: Pearl wants to show Steven a SECRET SECRET Rose place, secret even to Amethyst and Garnet! They travel on foot and she carries him up a cliff without a belay. Steven has already been there via Lion, which breaks Pearl’s fragile hard-light projection heart in two. Then he smashes it to bits under his heel by knowing where Rose’s long-lost sword is.

Reiterating: Lion knew about the cave because he is Rose Quartz. This was a very secret home base for Pearl and Rose’s eyes only. 

Arguably, sure, Rose could have traveled around the world with Lion showing him places, especially places she’d rather forget, but Lion being Rose just fits better when you consider both information (lore) and behavior (personality). 

Steven Universe Future relevant characterization meta sidenote: This LB is about Lion, but by extension it’s also about Rose and Steven. Here’s another formative moment: Steven is really excited to show Pearl he knows where Rose’s sword is. This is an occasion where Steven is trying to be helpful, but everything goes poorly and he thinks it’s his fault. Pearl was overjoyed to bring him to a dangerous place full of secrets, both canonically core elements of Steven’s desire for bonding activities with the gems (For example, Secret Team, Serious Steven). He also loves learning more about his mom and yearns for lore on her (Story for Steven, Lion 3).

Steven’s dream came true today, he got a dangerous adventure and a bonding moment where he also learns about his mom. He doesn’t realize the glorious war stories are lies/coping mechanisms, he’s still a hundred episodes away from learning the terrible truth about Pink Diamond, and he has not a single clue this will upset Pearl or how badly. He’s just trying to show her something cool like she did for him. She falls apart and then he spends the rest of the episode “picking up the pieces”. 

Pearl: “Rose’s sword. How did it get in there?” 

(Lion: Oh boy.) Steven: “I don’t know! But there’s a ton of stuff in there!”

Steven:  “I keep stuff in him, too.” (Lion: STEVEN DON’T TELL HER THAT)

Lion’s face is doing this as Steven says this because he’s Rose Quartz. He just realized Steven might tell the Crystal Gems that Bismuth has unjustly imprisoned for over five millennia, or bring out that chest, and is bracing for impact. The childhood traumatized Rose Quartz has never been ready to face people.

Luckily Steven is an adorable fool.

Pearl: “But how?” 

Lion, who was downright chummy with Pearl earlier, doesn’t want her messing with the mane.

After all, Lion isn’t just a secret Rose kept from Pearl. He’s like a series of secrets within secrets Rose kept from Pearl. And he’s Rose, actively keeping herself secret from Pearl. And that is kind of a bummer.

See, he makes so much eye contact with her this ep. He’s not acting like he did in others; he’s probably spent more time onscreen caring about Pearl than about Steven at the moment. 

I’m so proud of Pearl for her growth and that she was able to talk secrets eventually, this was a rough period for her.

This is Pearl’s face as she realizes that Rose had secrets even from her, even though she is also a container of Rose’s secrets. (Episode title drop)  “But Rose didn’t have a lion.” “It seems like her stuff in there.”

Note that we don’t see Lion’s face again for this part. I wonder if when we get the reveal, we’ll see a new side of some of these past scenes where Lion’s back is to us.

 “Rose didn’t have a lion! Because if Rose had a lion, I would have known about it.”

“Rose kept many things secret. Even from us.”

Pearl is teary-eyed again, this time actually in tears. “But not from me! I was the one she told everything!”

This is untrue. Bismuth is right there, and as recently as Volleyball, Pearl was learning new things Rose never told her. But the secret Pearl had to keep for Rose, the secret of her identity and Pink Diamond’s shattering, is so significant that the alternative is unthinkable because it changes Pearl’s self-image as much as her image of Rose. Even though at the time (and probably still, certainly at the time of this episode) doing that was her proudest moment and with the intent to break free of the system once and for all, both the trauma of what followed and of Rose’s decision to refuse Pearl the ability to speak of it had completely shaped her life from that point forward.

Not to belabor the point but Rose as Lion in this scene is witnessing the effects of what she did and of losing her on Pearl, like how he was present for the gems responding to Steven’s “death” in So Many Birthdays, or the events of “Cry For Help”.

“Yo, you’re not the only one who misses her!” We glimpse some of what Amethyst is struggling with - and details on Amethyst and Rose’s relationship are few and far between. Garnet showing genuine surprise, too. Possibly she is future visioning that Pearl is about to knock down Rose’s portrait.

Remember Lion is sitting there seeing all this. So is Steven, who just wanted to surprise and delight Pearl with the sword.

“You can’t understand how I feel! None of you had what we had!”

This one really is true, but Steven won’t learn how true until the events of Now We’re Only Falling Apart. Still no visible reaction from Lion, but he does appear to be listening attentively.

Steven echoes Pearl’s own line from earlier in an attempt to reassure her like she reassured him. Great leaders have to keep secrets to protect people! “She probably just wanted to protect you, like everybody else.”

“What do you know?” Pearl’s hurtful words cut Steven, who is only trying to help. 

”You’ve never even met her!”

Now we see Lion looking at Pearl with everyone else. Steven has taken a step back in fear.

The portrait begins to fall from the wall,

Garnet activates Sapphire speed and catches it. Lion’s back is to us once again, as is the portrait’s.

Pearl glances at Steven’s face again, looking strung out on grief and presumably fresh guilt for what she just said,

And takes off. Amethyst says, “Fine! Go cry about it!” Steven says, “Where did she go?” and Amethyst replies, “Who cares? I hate it when she gets like this.” This isn’t the first time Pearl has been upset like this since losing Rose. These are their reactions to that. 

Amethyst frustrated, maybe because Rose was the most important relationship in her life too, and Pearl’s words about being the most important devalue that. Garnet is carrying on putting the portrait away.

“Garnet?”

Garnet doesn’t answer him. She probably doesn’t know what to say. This has been the family dynamic since at least losing Rose.

Steven pushes down his own hurt feelings. Asks about Pearl instead. “Is she okay?” Garnet still doesn’t respond. This kid needs a parent to rely on!

“Well, I’m gonna go find her.”

“Do you know where she went?”

The heartbreaker Rose Quartz growls an affirmative. Unlike Garnet and Amethyst, who are exhausted by the cycle of grief they’ve been trapped in since Rose gave up her physical form & who’ve probably given up trying to talk to Pearl when she won’t (or can’t) talk to them if they tried in the first place, Lion and Steven want to chase after Pearl and do something.

Lore: Lion knows where Pearl is (The battlefield) because he is Rose Quartz.

Rose knows where Pearl would go to be upset about this (Rose, the sword, lies). Just like the armory was a place known only to Pearl and Rose, the floating island Pearl is about to leave Steven to is an unmarked location with special significance to Pearl and Rose.

Sure, we were just there and they found the sword, as the audience we need a setting established before we can return to it and it bookends the episode – but Pearl’s first line introducing the setting in the episode is:

“This was a site of a historic battle. Every weapon here was left by a gem over 5,000 years ago. I don’t like to disturb it, but Garnet said we can’t just leave these lying around.”

She describes that it was an important place because of the battle that happened there, but a place that lay mostly undisturbed for over 5,000 years, and Pearl makes it sound like she’s rarely visited since. No personal connection or feelings, really, aside from respect for the dead. It paints a very different picture from the one she projects for Steven in just a few minutes.

“Let’s go find Pearl!” Pearl left via warp pad, but Lion and Steven take a lion warp. Lion was present to hear the war stories at the beginning. 

Pearl was excited by the scabbard, but Lion would only have reason to assume she’d return there and agree to follow her with Steven if a) he actually cares about her and b) he knows something about her we don’t. Another Lion behavior detail that is odd if just Lion, makes perfect sense if Rose. 

Rose’s Scabbard Part 2

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 4x03

Had a busy Halloween week (my first ever!) so I’m extra late today. Also changed my format slightly bc what is consistency?

Reade-- What is there to say, other than he looks super cute covered in paint? It’s kinda weird that the usual ‘main team’ has barely been seen this whole ep-- and even then, mostly only through brief video calls or over the comms. And Reade wasn’t even heard from at all during the actual bomb disarming. Honestly though…. I’m kinda down with that. As much as I love the others, we all know Rich and Patterson are my Dream Team lol

Zapata-- yep there’s Zapata, jogging slowly away from her problems as usual lol. Seriously though what is she doing being apprenticed to a literal evil witch EXPLAIN GERO. Ugh I feel so bad for her but a little bit ‘serves you right’ at the same time. Though lbr I just want her to come homeeeee

Weller-- I feel like this dude has been on the edge of tears for like a year. Poor guy. But omg does he make a cuuuute Jackson Pollock lol. I love him being all serious and sarcastic towards Madeline while literally covered in paint and feathers. I feel like the real mystery of this ep is HOW DOES IT MAKE HIM HOTTER. Someone please explain. Also oooh he cannot be happy about being stuck in the station while ‘Jane’ is zooming away on a doomed train. ALSO SPEAKING OF WHICH, dude the bomb is on one of the lines past the apartment I lived in back in September. I got off at that station multiple times aaaahhhhhh this is so cool. Ugh now he’s back at the apartment crying over Jane again ahah. Seems like all the poor dude does these days is hug her and cry. But wait, maybe not! Ooooh he followed her and he has got his suspicion on. THERE’S the badass agent we’ve been missing!

Remi-- I feel like she actually feels a tiny bit bad that she made Weller cry?? Lol girl’s supposed to be killing him and she has a hard time even seeing him cry. Lbr she’s gonna fall for him despite herself, his mix of badass agent and suburban dad is apparently just irresistible to any iteration of her being lol. Tbh I loved the sequence of her disarming the bomb over the comms-- in most eps we would be with her and Weller and Reade out in the field and only hearing the home team over the comms, I loved seeing this turnabout. Also ugh she nearly lashes out at Weller when he lifts her hand bc she’s such an abused little puppy that she doesn’t know anything but coldness or punishment and I think she was startled and secretly pleased to be greeted with cheers and hailed as a hero. Ugh Remi honey you’re gonna grow to love it here. “... right under our noses, putting on a friendly face, pretending to be the hero” I guess she’s seeing some similarities between herself and Madeline lol. And then oooh on the couch, Roman’s like the devil on the shoulder trying to pull her back into the deep shadows of the dark side and then Weller appears and shines all his love and support all over her and Roman disappears for a moment. I see what you’re doing here Gero…. Also lol Remi must be surprised at how easily she can make Weller cry haha

Patterson-- okay firstly, how dare some guy make out with my baby and not know her name. Also, I just have mixed feelings about the making out in general but I am all about supporting my precious queen. THen I was like ‘pfft she won’t say her name’ and then SHE SAID HER NAME AND I SCREAMED and then it hit me that she was almost definitely undercover and I was like ‘oh a fake name of course, shit Gero you got me well done’ and then turns out it wasn’t an op but a whole different kind of ‘undercovers’ hahahahaha. Well good on you girl I support you and all your choices. BUT WAS IT A FAKE NAME OR NO??? Omg okay yes it was, thanks for the heart attack Gero. Is anyone else having early Grey’s Anatomy flashbacks rn lol or is that just me haha. Also flustered Patterson is the most adorable Patterson, fight me on it.Ugh poor girl cannot seem to catch a break this ep and you KNOW Rich is deliberately playing with her lol. But also I mean c’mon writers, Patterson is a professional agent, I can see her being flustered to start but let’s not act like she wouldn’t suck it up and focus on her job pretty quick. Also omg *dead serious voice* “I can already tell you, that I’m gonna scoff” is one of the best lines of the episode and probably the entire show lol. “Okay get to the part where you solved it. Oh my god I just sounded like Weller” hahaha well  he is your big bro, so makes sense you’d pick up a few traits lol. Great throwback to the ‘where math is done’ line too writers, nice work. Also wow the way she just went toe-to-toe with Weitz… why do I ship it a tiny bit lol?? And I also kinda ship her with Lincoln. Get it, girl!

Rich-- how was him being like ‘Hey guys here’s the terrorist’s address okay be careful bye’ one of the funniest things he’s ever done??? I stg whoever writes Rich needs to be my new best friend. Though tbh he does actually seem almost a touch subdued in this first scene, without that usual devilish gleam in his eyes… maybe he’s trying to show he can be both useful AND mature so they don’t actually decide to replace him with Boston haha. “I didn’t say magic, I’m not seven, I said magical cures’ hahahaha my baby. And he’s so excited to brief the recruits ugh. And then omg “sounds like the greatest takedown in FBI history I’m so sorry I missed it” aren’t we all, buddy lol. Also ugh him and his little recruit ducklings LET ME DIE. “There’s a bomber! Who bombs!” literally if someone who had Rich’s sense of humour and talked like he talks were to appear in my life I would marry them on the spot. “He’s probably an angry man with a victim complex, that’s a dangerous combination” OKAY EVERYONE LET’S FACE IT THE BOMBER GUYS CAN GO HOME BECAUSE RICH JUST DROPPED THE BIGGEST BOMB OF THE EPISODE RIGHT THERE. “Oh yeah, would an unprofessional do something like this??” The answer is yes and also marry me. And ugh he says his main reason for going after the book of secrets is because Jane is dying ughhhhh he is too good for this worldddd. Also wtf was that weird cackle when describing Roman that was hilarious. “It’s been very evident all day. Also I am like a sex-narc and you are terrible at lying” EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MAN AND THIS FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. “It’s very unprofessional, I think that’s what thrills me the most actually” hahahahaha. “This is my smug face, I save it for special occasions” hahahaaha c’mon no he does not, that’s just his normal face but THIS is why I felt he seemed more serious than usual, it was so his face could be extra smug later hahahaha. And the victory dance??? “You and me, Ride or Die”?? Let’s be real I am SO ride or die for these two there is literally nothing more important than this friendship aaaaaaaahhhhhh

Weitz-- I love this sleazy bastard and his weird love/hate feelings towards Zapata and his semi-corrupt work ethic lol. Also omg yasss he told them all about Zapata leaking info to Carter! I wondered if that would ever come out. And omg he’s Patterson’s hookup’s uncle THIS EP IS RIDICULOUS AND I LOVE IT. Also oh no “What am I saying, special treatment’s fine” was hilarious, like uh oh no way am I starting to love Weitz??? I am having feelings about a Patterson/Rich/Weitz dream team haha. “Might be our only shot at [Madeline], so it is unfortunate that you look like that” how does this show do so many characters with their own distinctive styles of sass I love it so much. Also, show of hands, who thinks this guy is on some kind of uppers because honestly at this stage I’m convinced haha. He’s especially nuts when he comes in to give Patterson the special computer-- which I’m sure that a) she already would have had one of, and b) someone in his postion would have just had someone deliver for him. Although it does seem like he makes any excuse to come hang out and be bizarre. He’s the boss I wish I had lol. Especially if I happened to be related to him bc wow there is some unabashed nepotism happening right here haha. Oh dear he seems to be coming down off his high right now and is getting grumpy. Better call his assistant to bring his next hit lol. Also “CAN YOU JUST CHECK HIS WORK PLEASE” clearly withdrawing-Weitz has no time for workplace flirting hahahaha. And ugh then Patterson stands up to him and he listens to her and holy shit that was a big amount of trust, if they were wrong the whole city is gonna turn on him for letting so many more people die than was necessary. Looks like he doesn’t just always do what protects his own ass??

Afreen-- you are a queen and I love you

[backtothestart02]

Wet Dream | Chapter 1 - Pilot

A/N: Alright, y’all, it’s finally here!!! My smut-by-ep fic has begun.

As previously decided on, this fic will detail a wet dream by either Barry or Iris from every episode of the series. The title of each episode is meant to dictate/guide the content of each chapter, however I completely forgot that for this first one, so I’m just going to go with ‘pilot’ being a default name for the first episode of every show and so this is the default chapter of this fic. I’m showing you how all future chaps will look - as wet dreams w/in the episodes - but it is different in that the word ‘pilot’ does not involve itself in this chapter at all, whereas all the other episode titles actually created for this specific show will. I hope you don’t mind! I didn’t want to do a rewrite, and I really like how this one turned out, so I’m keeping it as is. :P

*This chapter is dedicated to the dirty-minded ladies who initially inspired me to write this fic:  @kyannaj @megananomous @estherpixs  @westallen4everlove @pattongirl. I hope you guys like it!

*Many thanks to my awesome beta, @valeriemperez, for looking this over last minute. <3

Chapter 1 - Pilot (1x01)

He’d gotten on the earliest train he could from Starling City, which as luck would have it was the last possible train he could have taken to get back to Central City without Captain Singh calling to give him an earful. Just as he’d gotten off the train at the station, Joe texted – WHERE ARE YOU? Alarmed, he’d skimmed through any missed calls, of which there were seven. All from Joe. All telling him there was a crime scene to be at, and he couldn’t afford to be late again.

Not trusting any vehicle transportation to get him there faster than his own feet could, Barry ran to the scene of the crime, bumping into several people along the way and no doubt hitting them with the CSI briefcase he’d had to quickly grab at CCPD before heading over to where he’d been expected to be likely fifteen minutes prior.

And with no good excuse at that.

After some awkward bumbling and decisive reasoning though, his work there was done. The detectives could take over from there. His only task was to process some tests, form some logical reasoning, and then he’d be home free, ready to collect his things, meet up with Iris, and embark on the greatest journey of his life: his trip to STAR Labs to see the greatest mind in the 21st Century ignite the city with his particle accelerator firsthand.

But the tests were taking longer than expected, and he worried the ‘greatest journey of his life’ would have to be abandoned in favor of watching it all unfold as a news report from the protestors’ point of view on the ground.

He was supposed to have met Iris for lunch. He hadn’t seen her in several days – not since he left for Starling City – and he was aching to. There was something he wanted to tell her, and ask her too. Tonight wasn’t just going to be about seeing the greatest technology come to life right here in Central City, it would be about changing the course of his relationship with his best friend, Iris West.

It was a huge decision on his part, and one that was in the process of turning him into nothing but a bundle of nerves. But it was time. It had been fifteen years, and he hadn’t said a word. He’d justified why time and again, but he knew it had to be said. Iris had never been in a serious relationship in all their twenty-five years – he hadn’t either. That had to be a deliberate choice on her end, just like it had been on his. Maybe. Hopefully.

But as one hour turned into two, then three, as the computer tests struggled to get past 1% to three and then five, as the diagrams he drew and the pictures he pinned to the board gathered up, it became obvious his plan to meet up with Iris for lunch to discuss their evening activities – regarding both the particle accelerator and them – were going to have to be pushed aside until later.

His one attempt to sneak out of the lab to go see her had Joe shoving a bag of Big Belly Burger takeout food at his chest with a knowing look just before he turned back around to return to his desk on the first floor of the precinct. With a deep sigh, Barry held the delivery to his chest, set it down near the slow-running computer, and barely finished half his burger before starting to sulk again.

With greasy fingers, he texted Iris to tell her that he wouldn’t be able to meet for lunch, to which she responded with a sad face emoticon followed by a cheerful message indicating how just fine that would be, since her co-worker Stacy wanted to leave early and couldn’t find anyone to cover her shift.

Convenient, Barry thought to himself, wondering if she would have cancelled on him with this excuse if he hadn’t said anything anyway.

No, Barry, he scolded himself. She’s your best friend. She wouldn’t do that.

He sighed. “If she had no other choice, she would.” Just like he had no other choice now.

But just as he was about to succumb to full on negativity, to wonder if he was cursed somehow by today’s events, and that not seeing modern mankind’s greatest invention come to life was somehow proof that things were about to go even more downhill, the sound of clacking heels could be heard down the hall. The particular strut that accompanied them told him loud and clear who it was. Not Joe. Not Singh. Not an assistant to someone else giving him more paperwork to do. Iris.

His heart raced faster and he clumsily sat up in his chair, waiting for her arrival.

“You didn’t really think I’d let you skip out on our lunch date, did you?” She grinned as she walked into the room.

His heart skipped a beat. Butterflies fluttered wildly in his stomach. He smiled so wide it hurt, but he couldn’t help it, and he didn’t try to suppress it. He was used to that reaction when it came to seeing her – especially since it had been days, not hours, since their last interaction.

“I thought you were covering someone else’s shift.”

She stopped halfway to him abruptly and frowned. “I was. I am.”

The question lingered in his eyes.

She dropped her purse where she stood, closed the distance between them, and pulled him up out of his chair, keeping their fingers intertwined as she stared up into his eyes.

He was still semi-confused, but a smile twitched at the corner his lips. Confusion never stopped him from being happy with her, especially not when she was bubbling with happiness just being in the same room with him.

She rolled her eyes as his speechlessness continued.

“An eight-hour shift equals a lunch break, Barry.” She shook her head at him when he still said nothing. “So, I can afford to be here, even if my dad won’t let you leave.”

“Ah.” He nodded and smiled.

“I missed you,” she confided and took a step closer.

They were really close now. So much so that the lack of air between them stole his breath. And was it just him or was she…staring at his lips? And did she just…lick her lips as she stared? He licked his own lips – quickly, so as not to be noticed. His mouth was getting dry. The oxygen was being sucked out of the room. He was sure of it. There was no other explanation.

He thought of opening a window, but suddenly couldn’t remember if that was even possible. It had always felt at least mildly stuffy in this room for a reason.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you missed me, Barry?” she asked, setting her hands on his waist, still staring at his lips, sultry seduction in her eyes as they finally met his again.

“Iris?” he squeaked, tripping over his own feet as he backed away two steps.

She grabbed onto the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her, his lips now mere inches above hers.

He could barely breathe now, but he knew he was breathing because it was the only thing he could hear while being so close to her. He felt sweat on his forehead, on the back of his neck, and worried that it would drip onto her, and wow, wouldn’t that just add to his streak of bad luck today – but it didn’t, and he couldn’t look away.

“Tell me you missed me,” she whispered, her breath hot against his lips.

“I…”

And then she kissed him. A real kiss, full-on. Not gentle – fierce, passionate, intense. Iris knew what she wanted, and it was him. Despite the inevitability of it, it still took him by surprise, but he didn’t pull away. This could be a dream for all he knew. He’d had ones like it before. No way was he interrupting this one, especially if it happened to be real.

“God, I missed you, Barry,” she murmured, detaching her lips from his to kiss down his throat, winding her arms around his neck as she did.

He groaned, not needing the request again. “I missed you, too.”

His arms fell to her waist where they lightly rested until Iris’s complaint that his sweater was in the way made him pull back to rid himself of it. She peeled off her jacket and slid out of her skirt and shirt mere moments after so she was in front of him in only her bra and underwear.

His eyes widened, and he couldn’t look away. The sweat dripping down his neck was a reminder though that if this wasn’t a dream, someone could walk in at any moment. He licked his lips as he stared at her, trying to find his voice again, but it was nearly impossible.

“What – What if someone –” he squeaked and then broke off, heat consuming his face. He knew he had to be blushing.

But Iris only giggled and went to shut the door and lock it, giving him a full view of her barely covered ass swaying from side to side as she did so. By the time she’d turned around and was halfway to him, he’d almost fallen to the floor – Iris unhooking her bra and sliding it off her shoulders likely being the reason for that.

His hand reached around the nearby vicinity searching for a chair – any chair – but he could feel nothing but air. Iris laughed and pulled the very close by chair near them, but when he tried to sit on it, she wouldn’t let him.

“Iris,” he said in a strangled breath. There was hardly a scrap of clothes on her, and he reeeeally wanted to touch her. But he didn’t trust himself to. Not until he was sitting.

Iris went straight for his belt, unbuckling it and pulling it from the belt loops and dropping it without precedence on the floor. He gulped – loudly to his own ears, hopefully not to hers.

The sound of her unbuttoning his pants and lowering his zipper made him hiss softly. His fingers were tingling. He really needed his shirt off. Like, now. It was long-sleeved and it was gathering sweat and he was so much more dressed than she was. For some reason in this moment, he wasn’t insecure at all that she would find him so much less attractive than he found her. She wasn’t giving him even the slightest indication that was a possibility.

She started to tug his pants down, and he could’ve sworn her own hands were shaking a bit.

“You better be hard for me, Barry Allen, or I swear—”

She stopped and grinned slowly as her hand wrapped around the bulge in his boxers.

He groaned loudly, a sharp intake of breath the only sound accompanying her slowly, torturously, dragging his underwear to his feet on the floor. Her raven hair brushed his thighs – and his hard, very prominent member – as she did so.

“Oh my God, Iris.”

“Barry,” she said, her breath on his dick, forcing his eyes back on her because it was happening. She was doing it. His eyes stayed glued to hers. He couldn’t speak, wasn’t sure he was breathing, but then her lips closed over his tip, her mouth moved up the length of him, and he knew right there, right then, that he needed a chair.

His hands fisted in her hair, guiding her – though she hardly needed it – and also trying to slow her down.

“I need – I need – ”

She pulled her head back, saliva dripping from her lips that she quickly wiped away with the back of her hand.

“You better not be coming already, Barry.”

He shook his head quickly. “No – No – Not.”

“Good.” She smiled and started to lower her head again.

“Chair,” he squeezed out with stifled breath just before her tongue touched his skin.

She halted her descent, looked up at him and smiled, her eyes twinkling.

“Going to fall over, Bear?”

He exhaled loudly in relief. Yes. Finally, she had gotten the message.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded quickly so there’d be no miscommunication.

Still grinning, Iris got to her feet, picked up the nearby chair and set it just behind him and then forced him down into it. She bent over and kissed his lips again, all passion and no hesitation, just like before. She unbuttoned his shirt as she did so and stripped him of it as soon as she had reached the hem.

Then she straddled his lap and kissed him again, delving her tongue into his mouth as she wound her fingers through his hair, driving him crazy with lust and desire and urgency.

“Irisss,” he slurred, needing more of her, needing everything.

His hand settled on her ass, the sole part of her that was covered, and in response she ground herself against his dick, making them both cry out in pleasure.

This was so surreal – too surreal? He thought for a moment and then dismissed it. No way. This was too good, felt too real to be a dream. He couldn’t remember a dream ever being this good.

“You feel so damn good, Barry,” she moaned as she ground harder, gasping when his hand squeezed her ass and forced her to move faster.

He could do nothing but breathe and wait for her to initiate the final step.

“I want you to cum inside me,” she said, her lips brushing his sweaty neck.

He halted his movements, and so did she.

“What?” he asked – no squeak, just genuine uncertainty.

“I’m on the pill,” she said, pulling back just a little to look at him. “Don’t worry.”

His brain started to short circuit. She was on the pill? Did that mean she was seeing someone? Sleeping with someone? Was she cheating on that person with him now? Shouldn’t he feel much more concerned about that? That was a bad thing. It was bad – right?

But Iris didn’t let him come to any solid conclusions. Instead, she set her feet on the floor, got back up and backed away enough to slip her fingers beneath her waistband and drag her silky underwear to the floor.

Then she came back to him and held herself in mid-air, just above where his erection stood at attention, waiting for her.

“Don’t worry, Barry,” she whispered, her lips inches from his mouth. “You won’t get me pregnant.”

And then she was lowering herself onto him, and they were both groaning until the moment he reached the very hilt of her core.

Then they waited, adjusting – which was not something that was necessary in a dream, right?

And then she moved.

She raised herself up and then down again. She alternated between the rise and fall and the grinding against him. Her moist forehead pressed to his, her murmurs of his name, the heavy breathing between both of them, Barry couldn’t remember feeling more alive or more totally and completely so overwhelmed.

Her skin was soft and slick. Her ass felt good in his hands and her breasts tasted amazing in his mouth. Her hair brushing his skin both tickled and caressed. Her thighs gripping his nearly sent him into oblivion every time they squeezed with her rise and fall. The pressure was amazing.

And then he heard it – ding!

The first time it was just background noise, drowned out by the essence of Iris and what they were doing.

The second and third time nearly came in unison.

By time number four through ten, Barry had to force his eyes open because it was loud and annoying, and in the back of his mind it alerted him to danger.

He wished he hadn’t. More than anything on this earth, he wished he hadn’t.

Because when his eyes opened he found himself sitting on the chair at his desk, the only proof of his encounter with Iris the uncomfortable bulge in his pants and the sweat dripping down the back of his neck and forming on his forehead.

His arm – the source of the sound – had been pressed hard into the keyboard and had been starting and stopping the tests he’d been waiting on to finish for nearly an hour now. He lifted it quickly, but the damage had been done. Too many commands had been accidentally entered. The computer froze, not answering to any keyboard or mouse functions he tried.

It was no use. He had to reboot the computer and start over.

In the minute or two it took to reboot the system and re-start the tests, Barry heard a ping from his phone. A text.

From Iris.

Forcing himself to think past the wet dream he’d just had of her, he opened the message.

Turns out a full shift equals a lunch break! Want me to come by?

He laughed and groaned simultaneously, dragging a hand down his face before responding.

Nah, that’s okay. Come by later.

Her sad face emoticon, followed by a you sure? was almost enough to change his mind, but one glance back to the bulge in his pants firmly kept his decision grounded.

Yep. I’ll see you later.

It was a full minute until she responded again, and he worried he’d hurt her feelings.

He needn’t have worried.

Can’t wait! :D

He draped a hand over his eyes and leaned back in his chair, deciding to respond to that later, if at all.

“Me either,” he grumbled, his mind on the question of whether he could successfully make it to the bathroom to rid himself of blue balls without anyone seeing him.

She didn’t tell you how she felt, he realized, thinking back to the beginning of his dream. She would’ve told you that.

He glanced over at his turned over phone and reached for it. After a moment’s hesitation, he responded.

Me either. :)

Missed you came after he’d barely pressed send. He ignored the flashes of what had followed that sentiment in his dream.

Missed you too.

She sent a picture of her blowing a kiss to him from where she stood behind the counter at CC Jitters, a curious co-worker photobombing in the back.

His heart skipped a beat as it had earlier, a smile helplessly spreading across his face.

I love you.

*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

[kickoffme-blog]

Alex Newell Won’t Fit into Your Mold, But He Might Squeeze into Your Shoes

New Post has been published on http://www.kickoffme.com/alex-newell-wont-fit-into-your-mold-but-he-might-squeeze-into-your-shoes/

Alex Newell Won’t Fit into Your Mold, But He Might Squeeze into Your Shoes

Alex Newell Won’t Fit into Your Mold, But He Might Squeeze into Your Shoes

Alex Newell Won’t Fit into Your Mold, But He Might Squeeze into Your Shoes

It’s a sweltering late afternoon in June and Alex Newell is struggling to put on his shoes. “Dear feet.

You will not be swollen today,” Newell, 24, says as he squeezes his toes into a pair of lacey black Christian Louboutins in his trailer on New York City’s Upper West Side.

“I’m an 11 in women’s. It’s not bad. Would I rather be an 8? Absolutely.”

After about 30 seconds of grunting and tugging, Newell is in. “Yes!” he yelps, as he slips in his heel.

He trots to the mirror to admire his full look: red-bottomed Louboutins, a matching black lace choker, and an all-white suit. (He’ll add a silver and black wig later.) “This is a moment,” he says.

Newell has an affinity for shoes.

It’s likely why he’s willing to withstand the pain (and bleeding) of the glittery silver pair of Aldo heels his stylist picked out for his opening performance—a violin-powered rendition of “True Colors,” alongside singers Hayley Kiyoko and Wrabel, in honor of Cyndi Lauper.

It’s also likely why he snuck into his mother’s closet at 10 years old (around the time he began having inklings of his sexuality) to try on her high heels, or why he auditioned for the role of Lola, a thigh-high boots-obsessed drag queen, on Broadway’s “Kinky Boots” four times.

“I think the higher the heel, the closer to god,” Newell says.

There perhaps is nowhere closer to god than where Newell is right now at the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine, a Gothic upper Manhattan church, where Logo will film its show.

Soon, the cathedral, a religious worship house-turned-pink-tinted gala, will be filled with hundreds of LGBTQ leaders—an irony Newell, a Catholic school alum, fully understands.

“I love it. All the homos in one little church. It’s such an oxymoron,” Newell says.

Born and raised in a town just north of Boston, Newell spent most of his childhood at Catholic school, where he was one of less than five black students. “I had my best Caucasian upbringing,” he says.

The only place he saw others that looked like him was at church, where Newell attended every Sunday since he was a toddler to sing in the choir. It was also where he would later develop conflicted feelings over the bible’s teachings.

Newell’s mother discovered his talent at age two after he wandered onto the stage at a state fair when his mother briefly turned around to fetch him a juice. “She started panicking, looking for me, and then she just heard my voice,” Newell says.

He later caught the performing bug at 11, when he saw a local theatre production of “Ain’t Misbehavin’,” an all-black Musical set in the Harlem Renaissance. “I would see Broadway shows that were on PBS and I would be in love with them, but I never saw anyone that looked like me,” he says.

It was a running theme: Newell was one of three black students in his high school—and with a high-pitched voice and natural sashay, he easily stuck out. Still, it wasn’t all tough. While his peers sorted through their own sexuality, Newell barely gave his a second thought. “Walking around the house in my mother’s heels, I was like, ‘I think that’s it, guys!’” he says,

At 17, on a whim, Newell came out to his mother by impulsively telling her right before bed. “I screamed it at my mother and she said, ‘Go to bed. I just took a Xanax,’” he says. “The next morning she was like, ‘I’m fine. Are you fine?’ And I was like, ‘I’m great! I love you.’”

But not everyone was so accepting. As word spread in his church, Newell caught the attention of his pastor, who pulled his mother aside to inform her that Newell’s sexuality was sinful. “He said the lifestyle that I chose goes against the bible,” Newell says. “Everyone who is a diehard Christian, they always use the bible against things they don’t like. But I’m pretty sure the bible says, ‘God is love.’ So if you can’t love someone else, aren’t you going against the bible?”

In his junior year, Newell applied for a regular role on “Glee” via a Myspace audition. Months later, he was selected to compete on a little-known show called “The Glee Project”—not quite the same, but if chosen, Newell would win a recurring role on “Glee.” Newell quickly agreed, taking a leave absence from high school and flying to Los Angeles that same week.

He eventually made it to the top four, losing out on the main role but still earning a two-episode consolation prize—a role that would later become a series regular and catapult him to national stardom.

In April 2012, about a year after “The Glee Project” ended, Newell made his “Glee” debut as Wade Adams, a shy off-stage, Sasha Fierce on-stage transgender student who would later go by “Unique.” By September 2013, Newell was promoted to series regular and earned widespread acclaim for portraying one of the first transgender high school students on television. “I was just in Denver last week at a nightclub and this trans male came up to me and he said that he wears his [surgical] scars proudly because of me,” Newell says. “It took everything in my body not to sob.”

Despite the praise, Newell is still a part of ongoing controversy regarding cisgender actors playing transgender characters. (In a viral Twitter thread, transgender actress Jen Richards explained that cisgender actors, specifically men, playing transgender characters is dangerous because it conveys to audiences that “being a trans women is just a man performing.”) It is a controversy Newell understands but also sees limitations to. “Everything’s a double-edged sword. I’m an actor, so at the end of the day, it’s whoever is best for the role. But I’m also a human,” he says. “I will say, since my character never fully transitioned, it kind of worked in a way. I myself may not be trans, but I am heavy on the gender-noncomforming.”

Photo: FOX

As “Glee” entered its final seasons, Newell was already looking ahead. While signing his last series regular deal, Newell was approached by Atlantic Records to release his own music. He jumped at the opportunity, debuting his first extended play, “POWER”—a Whitney Houston-esque catalogue—in 2016. Though it didn’t launch him into Beyonce’s stratosphere, Newell isn’t discouraged, with a new single out in August and another EP and album in the pipeline.

That level of confident optimism is likely what captured the attention of Adam Lambert in 2016 to bring Newell on his tour, or caught the eye of NBC that same year to greenlight “Imaginary Friend,” a comedy starring Newell in the lead role.

. He seemed to be hitting all the marks, until the director turned him down for his figure.

“They said my weight would inhibit me from playing the role, which is not true, but to each their own,” he says. “I was like, ‘This is a show where they’re encouraging you to be who you want to be. Don’t let them tell you who you should be.’ They literally looked me in the face and told me I was too big to play a role. There’s no limitation. My weight does not prescribe what I cannot do.”

The discrimination also followed Newell through his personal life where he would continually encounter relationship profiles preaching, “No fats. No femmes. No blacks.”

“We’re in a community where we want so much to be accepted yet we don’t accept each other,” Newell says. “We all suck the same dick, so why is it that you take it upon yourself to create some sort of alpha gay? The gay that is the ‘right’ kind of gay.”

Before he met his boyfriend, Newell admits he was never called “beautiful,” a term he’s still getting used to. “I was nothing like any of his 6’1”, white, blonde, blue-eyed, go-to-the-gym-nine-times-a-day boyfriends.

I was like, ‘You do know that I’m 5’7”, I have thick thighs, and my hair is black, right?” Newell says. “I had the insecurities about it all the time. It was really hard to get out of that. But here I am. I’ve risen above it. He always said I was beautiful, regardless. It’s a hard thing to hear because no one else has said it.

At the end, Newell’s face drops. He turns to his stylist, gives her a death glare, and shakes his head.

She quickly rushes to him to swap his heels for flip flops. Even the most mold-breaking still have to break in their shoes.

  July 1, 2017 11:25 pm (Source)

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #6  - “A Target Fully Stocked With All Kinds of Gimmicks” - Brett

After tribal it was announced to the players that once again they would be playing for Individual Immunity.  Each tribe would participate separately in the live challenge Ready Aim Fire.  The Togye tribe went first with a quick win by Ashley, her second individual immunity so far.  The newly formed alliance of Amanda, Ashley, and Nehe began to plot the vote to take out Brett.  Mata completed their immunity the following day with some tribe members being more interested in going to The Cave than winning immunity and Ting Ting ended up pulling out the win.  Back on Togye, paranoia was running wild and when Nehe filled Brett in on his alliance and the “fake” plan to vote out Tommy, Brett went to Tommy with this information.  Tommy then went to Amanda and Ashley saying Nehe exposed their secret alliance to him which caused Amanda and Ashley to lose all trust in Nehe and flip the vote on to him.  Nehe went home in a 5-2 blindside.   On Mata, the Fans were all turning against each other wanting to vote any of the others out to ensure their safety.  The Favorites thought this was too good to be true so they came up with a plan to split the votes 4-3 On Krysten and Linus.  The vote ended up being 5-2 for Krysten as Jay pretended she wasn't online because she didn't want to switch her vote to Linus.  At tribal Linus went to play his Hidden Immunity Idol but when there was little reaction from the rest of the tribe he decided to hold on to it a while longer. 

Update: My whole brain is bleeding.

I love this I LOVE THIS. Adrian went home and his last words that “tommy is a fuckin snake” TOMMY DIDN’T DO SHIT!!!!!! OH MY GOD. and ashley is regarded as the michele of our group so it looks like i’m doing a better job at staying under the radar.

anyWAY. I’m just happy we spread enough paranoia to flush an idol too!! like fans just really shot themselves in the foot huh. now it’s all about keeping people close.

I’m salty.

Well I won Immunity!! I did not think I would win but I guess people couldn’t keep track of where the hots were? Kinda easy tbh. But anyways. Now Amanda and I have sort of a f2 going on. We also are with NeHe, and in the future possibly adding Keegan. I like our little group. We can get shit done and no one will expect it. Amanda and I learned tonight that NeHe really doesn’t like Brett. So we are going to try and use that to our advantage in the next tribal. I think Brett will be the next to go home. But thank goodness it wont be me. All those votes I got at tribal was supposedly to “keep me safe at rocks” which makes sense. I guess they chose a fave that they wanted to stay safe and that was me…. So that is cool.

They don’t lie when they say never go into tribal thinking you know what was gonna happen. Amanda had an extra vote and Keegan had an idol which they both played and Adrian was blindsided 5-4. I was shocked that it was Adrian targeted. I was strongly hoping they target Brett. I gave Amanda hints all day that it was Brett I rather have gone. I knew that right after tribal I was not in a good spot and I immediately called the girls Ashley and Amanda to talk and cover my bases. We made a chat so we could talk without anyone walking in on us. I explained to Ashley the reason I voted her which she understood. And I made both girls aware I wanted to work with them. Before tribal I dropped hints to them that I wanted to. I have this way when I talk to people that gets them hooked after a while. I am satisfied with my new alliance with Amanda and Ashley that i’m dubbing A&A (ANA). I know moving forward in this game we need to leave this persona that it’s fans vs favorites. We share equal hate for Brett and Tommy and those are 2 along with Sam I want out. I need to speak to Keegan and get him on board. He’s the vote that will make things go right for us. Especially the fact this round is another double tribal and I lost immunity. Safety is a pricy thing and I need to do everything I can to buy myself a ticket.

When you wanna vote out a favorite for the hell of it because you feel like going rouge during this double tribal council, but you need to wait until the merge. I love chaos and destruction!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBHwjAITJg I would seriously vote out a favorite during this double tribal BUT favorites have majority in the game right now, and since merge is happening after this vote (I know it is) I don’t wanna lose their trust at this stage in the game. Steffen, Jay, and Ting Ting seem like they want to stick with the favorites once merge happens, but that’s boring. I love stirring the pot. But with the tribal swap that happened recently, the tribe chat is way more active than the old Favorites tribe. I definitely like the fans a lot, especially Linus. Kyrsten seems like a great person too.

People.  Instead of giving someone else the option to go to the cave in the challenge.  Eliminate yourself!

Day 13 It hasn’t even been two weeks? How is that possible? Last night aged me severely. Severely. For all the steadfastness, for all of the perseverance, for all of the diplomacy and keeping a unit as strong as it possibly can be–ultimately none of it mattered because of an advantage found in a cave. For me, this is my version of being idol-ed. These advantages are part of the game and it sucks to be the victim of one. Of course, I am a massive hypocrite. I love a good advantage when it benefits me, surely. So I have no hard feelings towards AMANDA. Her move was the right one and I’m very proud of her as a player. I hate that I can’t find a damn thing in this cave (which based on AMANDA’s smashing success is actually a Target fully stocked with all kinds of gimmicks). I’m devastated that we lost ADRIAN in the aftermath. I was ready to go to rocks with a 80% chance of staying alive and a 60% chance that a Favorite would leave the game. If I went out that way, cool. I knew no one was going to flip. That’s just how it was. So KEEGAN, NEHE, and I all felt differently after the vote. NEHE claims AMANDA isn’t playing fair which is ludicrous and I haven’t bothered to listen to him further than that. KEEGAN, shockingly, is spinning the fuck out and he won’t talk to TOMMY at all. Sidenote: TOMMY, though he was a douche throughout Tribal Council, feels bad for hurting KEEGAN and filtered an apology through me since he can’t talk to KEEGAN one on one. But anyway, I’m surprised at KEEGAN’s reaction because he exhibited so much self-control up until this point and it had to have simply boiled over for him. And for me? I’m sad that ADRIAN went home, yes. But I’m irritated that I got off the freeway to witness it. I should have kept driving and missed the whole thing to get home earlier. I told a select few that we honestly should have known. This is what happens in Fans vs. Favorites seasons. The Favorites steamroll and the handful of Fans that make the merge are expendable pawns until their inevitable departure. I was hoping to take the upper hand this round to change all of that, but unfortunately this major Tribal Council might be what causes my house of cards to fall apart. I also competed in that short challenge very poorly, even taking a shot at myself, but it was difficult to compete as I was driving (that can’t be safe) and I couldn’t hold up the challenge for anyone else. I made it home safely, by the way. I really didn’t want to get off the freeway again for more disappointment. After ADRIAN’s departure, my immediate instinct was sportsmanship. Being on the losing side sucks, but let’s keep this in perspective, people. I had a great vacation in Arizona. I have a wonderful job in Orange County and I just received a promotion today. I am active and healthy and I don’t live behind my computer screen. In the event that I am the next one voted off–cool. I had fun. I met a handful of cool people. I played the way I wanted to play. I also have to keep in perspective that this game means a HUGE FUCKING DEAL to some of the players like NEHE who have centered their lives around it. It’s a testament to the hosts that people can invest themselves in this so much and I hope it doesn’t appear as if I’m not invested. I definitely am, more than I want to admit, but I have a lot of other plates spinning in my life. I’m giving this my best. And I’m pragmatic. So in light of that spirit, I congratulated AMANDA on a job well done, offered cheers to SAM and TOMMY, and checked with ASHLEY to make sure she understood why she was the target by the old Fans. I’m getting along with TOMMY a lot better. I’m being friendly with everyone. It’s hardest to be friendly with NEHE because of how rash he is and how personally he takes everything. I think with age and experience, NEHE will become much more bearable to play with. For now, KEEGAN and I are screaming. At the next vote, I’m down to vote for NEHE if I feel like I have no way of succeeding because I can’t believe players like NEHE and LEAH are going to last longer than me. Neither deserves it, but that’s the game. There might be some hope on the horizon with ASHLEY and KEEGAN associating with one another. ASHLEY doubts AMANDA a bit for concealing her found advantage(s) while I am trying to get TOMMY to see a similar thing. SAM doesn’t feel the need to address me at all past small talk, so I’m not bothering with that, and AMANDA is pleasant as ever, but uninterested in working with me at all. I’d love to flip tomorrow’s vote on AMANDA using ASHLEY, KEEGAN, NEHE, and maybe even TOMMY, but it’s very unlikely. This could be my last confessional before my final words. If it is, it’s been a pleasure.

So Keegan is finally coming around and I think he would be a good addition to the Nehe, Amanda and I alliance. I hope to god he isn’t extremely close to Brett because he doesn’t need to know there is a lot that he doesn’t know about. Hopefully Keegan sees that us four could be very strong and really no one would see it coming. Amanda and I are tight. We are just in that awkward place where we are in two different alliances but don’t know which to vote with exactly. Tommy and Sam are our faves with us on the tribe, and some are wanting to vote Tommy. but if we vote Tommy, the fans and faves would be equal again and that is scary if merge doesn’t actually happen soon. Amanda and I are trying to get people to want Brett out, it seems that some of the other fans don’t like him so we are hoping his name is the one that is brought up in our chats.

Today has been an interesting day. Propositions have been made to me by Ashley, with her proposing we essentially dissolve the Fans vs Faves and work with Nehe and Amanda, to form a majority. I love the plan with the exception of them not including Brett, who’s by far my closest ally. They’ve said we’d keep him around to merge, which for me and him amazing. For them maybe not so much. If everyone is being honest, this game just got turned on its head.

rip me my heat and mass final is tomorrow also i’m still tryna figurrrr out who to vote so that’d be nice. i think if we all just stay loyal to each other it may be merge after this and then I CAN SEE STEFFEN

Yesterday and today I feel way more comfortable than I was the night of last tribal. I regrouped and formed bonds with both Amanda and Ashely in a sense I want to work with them. And they want to work with me. I have that sort of charisma when I speak. So they can definitely be new versions of Leah for me. God hopes Leah makes it out of this tribal for her. I know she isn’t the best socially but she needs to like pick that social game up. Going to tribal tonight a vote has not been settled upon and I don’t think I have hid my despise rn for Tommy or Sam. I don’t engage in conversation with Sam and Tommy keeps trying to talk to me but I give him like no tea. I spoken to Keegan last night and solidified an alliance with him. I do feel he’ll stick to it. I informed him of my awareness of Brett and which he needs to be aware of that too. Keegan definitely is flippy floppy but we have the numbers if he votes with me Ashley and Amanda. Keegan wants Tommy out as much as I do so I am all in on pushing Tommy. Why Tommy? Well the way he presents himself is very shady and seems like a bit manipulable and possibly will be a very dangerous player moving forward. When I look at Tommy I see he’s playing the exact same game as Brett. Both are threats in my eyes and I need them gone. I’m gonna make sure the girls settle into voting Tommy out tonight. The game isn’t Fans vs. Favorite anymore and we all need to wake up and realize that. We need to better each others games and right now this is my chance to strike a move before I start laying back. Tommy is that move.

Well, your local icon/future winner snatched herself in the challenge, so I don’t have immunity. Luckily, though, Ting Ting got it and she’s a member of my alliance. We’re looking to vote out one of the fans tonight so the faves can go in to the merge with a solid majority. Thus far, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of laying low and we’re expecting a merge after double trouble tonight, so then I’ll start trying to manipulate the game. I got what I’m assuming is a lame advantage in the cave, so hopefully that’ll help me out eventually.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ytbdj3cOryA

I’m kinda trying to play both sides RN.  So, I could vote with the faves, Linus.  Or vote with the fans, whoever they want.  Or, we could pull someone from the faves and get like, Steffen out.  OR it could be me going and nobody is telling me haha

So this vote seems like a real make me or break me moment. I’ve formed an alliance with Christian (I also told her about my idol, which may have been a huge mistake :X), and then Steffen also formed one with the two of us. I finally got to have a good talk with Jay today and maybe see a bit where her head is at. So I’ve decided I will be voting with the favs. I’d rather try to make a change for myself than go down calmly just to protect people who have been against me in the past. I hate having to do this to Krysten, but that’s just survivor I guess, you win some you get swap fucked some. I’m a little nervous that it could be a Linus blindside just because everything seems almost too perfectly fallen into place. Krysten is claiming no one talks to her, favs formed an alliance with me, but Steffen is also freaking out, and if Christian did tell him about my idol (which I’m doubting she did) this could be all one really really elaborate move. That said even with the very little bit of nervousness I have I think I’m hiding it quite well. I had my gameplay described as bold today so now I feel cool 8) . My biggest reason for flipping isn’t even a lack of trust in the fans, but rather that I need a viable group at the merge and if the other tribe cuts another fan that will just be a sinking ship. As always wish me luck at tribal council, Linus out.

Hmm, so apparently there’s a possible split vote now that I hadn’t heard about and a bunch of scrambling still amongst the favourites. Oops I think Jay told me something she wasn’t supposed to :P

No one will really talk to me about the vote, so I’m incredibly worried. Tonight will show whether two individuals (whose names both begin with A) are lying snakes, or whether there’s some amount of decency among the faves. I’m leaning towards the latter.

I MIGHT BE TARGETED TONIGHT LET ME KNOW LMAO like so how did this happen? well so nehemiah , another young kid who thinks his ego is really big, thinks he’s a good player by going and telling the other fans about a secret alliance that he has with ashley and amanda!!!! which what the fuck!!!! anyway i might get some more votes tonight based on what else i’ve heard because i was perceived as threatening on the favorites tribe it’s frustrating because this time i wanted to prove my loyalty to my allies because that was something i was lacking in my previous games and i really wanted to improve that and improve my social game and IF I DON’T GET TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF THAT then imma be upset! maybe now that i have more time to play since you know like finals are over i’ll be more #woke on the plans but hey… that’s survivor.

So me and Ashley were joking that we were Roxie and Velma from Chigago and that we were gonna kill all the boys so we made an alliance chat with us two called “THEY HAVE IT COMING” which i think is hilarious. I really do like her and wanna move forward with her and she’s def my favorite person on Togye right now. So right after tribal me her and Nehe were the only ones still on call so we got to talking and Nehe was like “I WANNA WORK WITH YOU TWO BLAH BLAH BLAH” so we made a chat and then now here we are at tribal and THIS BITCH tries to throw it in my face by telling tommy? no way thats not gonna fly. ive been nothing but nice to your ass you can fucking go. So that being said if things go as planned, Ashley Tommy Sam and Myself are voting Nehe out and he’ll be leaving tonight. If he has something and my ass ends up leaving well fuck my life i guess im NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TO MERGE. Literally all i’ve wanted in this game is to get to merge i honestly dont care about winning yet. I just wanted to beat my placement and make merge like i didnt get to do last time and this week is being extra hard on me. ITS LIKE THE SURVIVOR GODS KNOW IM ALMOST THERE AND WANNA MAKE ME DIE. Anyways i just really hope i can make it past this week cause if i do than ive beaten my placement and i can be satisfied after that. ALSO I REALLY WANNA BE ON A TRIBE WITH LEAH AND STEFFEN UGH. CAN I JUMP IN THE OCEAN AND SWIM TO THEIR BEACH?

Also Brett seems to think i have magical cave powers where i can pull shit out of my ass….ITS JUST LUCK DUDE CHILL

i have such a low tolerance for idiots

Well there’s definitely segregation. Like in the other tribe it was totally fans vs. faves and i think it’s kinda like that in our tribe but not as much. Steffen: he’s chill but i’ve heard he’s good at the game so after merge idk what’s gonna happen. Love the giraffe. Jay: She’s really nice luh her Christian: ok so idk what to think about her. I’ve heard that she cheated in one of her games which makes me not trust her but she seems to be pretty loyal with the alliance so that’s that. Leah: She cool pls don’t get into anymore car accidents. Linus: He’s pretty lit. It’s cool that he definitely wants to break off of the fans vs fave mentality and it’s understandable bc he was at the bottom of the fans tribe earlier. Krysten: I guess we’re voting her out this time. Idk i haven’t talked with her much so i feel bad about voting her out, but the faves want to keep majority in the tribe so… anyways i guess another reason for her getting voted out is that she really wants to stick to the fans vs faves mentality which i’m not so much a FAN of. haha. ok i’m done Trevor: um trevor is kinda mean to me. sometimes i feel like he really hates us but idk Owen: he lied to me so… k bye

I’m so confused. I have a really good shot at going home tonight. It’s between Nehemiah and I going home tonight. Ashley, Amanda, and Nehemiah apparently had an alliance and Brett told me. I exposed it and now stuff is going crazy. People are going around scrambling and I just don’t want to go home. I’m scared I’m going to be taken out again, if I had a real idol it would be so played tonight. If I get idol’d out again I’m gonna be so pissed. Sam is my closest ally and I really feel uneasy about everyone else. There are two other duos. Keegan and Brett. Ashley and Amanda. All I can think of is, this is going to be so crazy this tribal and I’m so anxious. Wish me good luck tonight because I’m going to need it!

Day 14 It seems I have more to say. I really thought it was time for me to just accept my fate that I’m completely screwed. And for a lot of this round, I was. But there’s hope. There’s genuine hope. Originally, I thought maybe KEEGAN and I could cast doubt on AMANDA for her advantage concealment. That’s not a thing. I tried spinning it to ASHLEY and she was having none of it. So I knew that I had one shot to try to float that and it was a disaster. NEHE claimed he had a plan. KEEGAN then told me that NEHE can’t stand me because I’m a threat and I cockblock him from making the moves he wants to make–all of which are completely brainless and could have completely imploded our alliance. Everything he said was true. I only say no to NEHE because he sucks! It’s so awful having to wrangle this 15 year-old to not doing absolutely moronic things that put all of us in danger! I’m never having kids after this, I swear. KEEGAN tells me he might have something going with ASHLEY, AMANDA, and NEHE (still putting me on the outs) that is bent towards eliminating SAM or TOMMY. I tell KEEGAN that I’m along for whatever ride. I assure NEHE the same thing–I tell him I’ll do whatever he wants. NEHE tells me I’m panicking and he’s working on it and instantly, I’m turned off. I’m not taking direction from him. I’m just not. Three hours before Tribal Council, I ask KEEGAN if he knows anything. KEEGAN hasn’t heard from either ASHLEY or AMANDA–he even thinks ASHLEY hasn’t been online when I had just been talking to her about the date I have tonight like 20 minutes prior. KEEGAN then has an epiphany that he thinks he’s the target from the Favorites–and he very may well be. I tell him that we should definitely expose NEHE’s dealings with ASHLEY and AMANDA (or at least ASHLEY) to TOMMY, another loose cannon. KEEGAN and I have nothing else left to lose, so he gives me the go ahead. I throw NEHE under the bus to TOMMY. He opens up a dialogue between SAM and me, and we go from there. If I’m successful, I’m finally free of NEHE, 4-3 or 4-2-1 or whatever. It’s losing another Fan, but I am just done with NEHE. The Fans are a sinking ship anyhow, especially if we lose KRYSTEN, LINUS, or even LEAH on the other side. Plus, it’s too large of a heist to think I could get TOMMY and SAM to eliminate a favorite while they have the majority. Eliminating NEHE gives them plausible deniability with the girls to an extent. If this does work out and KEEGAN and I are still here, I’m interested to see where the girls vote. If they were in fact in league with NEHE (which I don’t believe they actually are), that would create a major rift in the Favorites. TOMMY’s nervous about idols. He has every reason to be, but hopefully I have built trust by being the only person not to lie to TOMMY (or any of the Favorites for that matter) last round. I didn’t try to sway any of them or tell them they were safe with me or anything. I was solid. They knew where I stood. Hell, that’s probably why the ladies don’t want to work with me. NEHE comes at me and tells me it’s in my best interest to vote for TOMMY–one hour before Tribal Council. No rhyme. No reason. Just do it. I’m not your Phillip Sheppard, child. I’m not going to take orders from you, especially when you felt I was on a need-to-know basis enough to only tell me a fraction of the grand plan an hour before the vote! Screw you. My vote is for NEHE. And even if I go or if KEEGAN gets backstabbed by the Favorites, I’m fine with NEHE just being a personal vote. Who chooses Susie Smith as their representative Survivor anyhow? In what world?! There’s 400 or some options and you choose Susie Smith? Unreal. I think there’s a chance KEEGAN might go. I’m feeling alright at the moment for myself (which means it could definitely be me, of course). We’ll have to see. SAM and TOMMY have told me they are going to vote for NEHE. We’ll see if that’s actually a thing or not. I wish the absolute most of luck to my best friend in the game KEEGAN and I hope we’re both still here on Day 15. If it’s my turn, it’s still been a pleasure. I didn’t lay down and die. I gave this everything I had to try to keep me and my main ally safe. :)

I am really heartbroken that i got blindsided tonight. I felt I was genuine with the people I talked to while Tommy and Sam were fake people and will be major threats moving forward in this game. Amanda and Ashley truly are idiots if they voted me off tonight based on false allegations. I what so ever did not tell people to vote out Amanda or Ashely or said nothing bad about them. I was very open with my hatred for Tommy and wanted him gone tonight but I did not see this one bit. I do wish luck to Amanda, Ashley, Keegan. Hopefully I can come back and redeem myself in some other seasons. I was so short lived.