#subconscious projection prism

[uncleasad]

…and the other half of the time he was running away!

legacies did the weirdest thing by making landon fake most of the time. because you'll see a h@ndon gifset and it's like not even a h@ndon gifset because that's not even landon

[sagistrology]

moon observations (pisces moon)

♓︎ generally, many water moons tend to be more connected to the night than the day. they often find both comfort and solitude in the nighttime hours, leaving space for introspection, dreaming, and allowing the subconscious to surface. all water moons share a deep connection to water, often in an extreme way - either needing it as we need oxygen to breathe or being terrified of it, yet irresistibly drawn to it.

♓︎ being loved by a water moon is likely an experience you won’t have twice. their love is the kind you read about and fantasize over. the point is that with them, these deeply rooted desires are brought to the surface and fully experienced.

♓︎ pisces moon: dreamy by nature, with deep eyes often filled with an inexplicable sentimentality that’s hard to grasp or put into words. deeply attuned to art, they find outlets for their emotions through poetry, journaling, or recording their thoughts - this is true of all water moons. pisces moons find comfort in writing, singing, painting - any form of art you can think of.

♓︎ being loved by a pisces moon feels like being confronted with yourself, mirrored - reflecting back the fractured parts of you, your deepest pain, subconscious fears, and desires, all rising to the surface. pisces connects to the 12th house, the last in the zodiac, symbolizing endings, a turning inward, and the attainment of a new state of being.

♓︎ i envision pisces moons as the facets of a prism, refracting light in different directions, each unique and impossible to duplicate. think of neptune and jupiter - illusion and expansion.

♓︎ they often fall victim to being seen as a ‘concept’ rather than an actual person, a tendency that extends to all water moons, even to venus, as they embody ‘dreamy’ characteristics - being immensely projected upon.

♓︎ pisces moons are naturally intuitive, living in the unseen spaces between reality and dreams. their emotional landscape runs deep, often unspoken yet felt. they're highly sensitive to the energies around them, easily absorbing the emotions of others, which can lead to moments of overwhelm or confusion. boundaries, both internal and external, often become blurred for them, making it essential to seek solace in solitude or creative outlets.

♓︎ this moon is closely linked to empathy, sometimes to a fault - where they give and feel without limitation, making them natural healers and listeners, but also leaving them prone to emotional exhaustion.

♓︎ at the heart of all water moons, including pisces, is the moon’s intrinsic connection to water. the moon governs our emotional world, just as water reflects and amplifies the shifts within. water signs, by nature, are deeply attuned to cycles, much like the moon’s phases - forever ebbing and flowing, waxing and waning.

♓︎ this dynamic is central to water moons’ emotional lives. they navigate through feelings with fluidity, often drawn into the currents of the past, memory, and intuition. their lives are often centered around emotional depth, nurturing, and an innate need to connect with others deeply.

♓︎ pisces moons, specifically, embody the themes of surrender and transcendence. they often feel called to something greater, yearning for experiences that dissolve the boundaries of self and time. this can manifest in spiritual pursuits, dreams, or deep emotional connections that make them feel part of something larger than the mundane.

♓︎ escapism is a potential shadow side - whether through dissociation, art, or avoidance, as they seek refuge from a world that can feel too harsh or limiting. at their best, pisces moons teach others the value of compassion, acceptance, and the beauty of letting go.

[creatureboss]

Ill-advised IEYTDposting wahoo. Hi.

I would like to preface this with. Nothing! I'm going to mitigate the need to close every loophole at the start of a post. I'm not a lawyer.

I think a lot about Zoraxis. I think a lot about- well, I think a lot about all of them, but I think a lot about the potential to interpret the Fabricator as someone who treats others as she is treated. Not as an intentional holier-than-thou sort of thing, as a subconscious reaction to the absolute situation that anyone working at Zoraxis (or that closely with Zor) is going to be in, whether they can recognize it or not. Like, I don't think she's normal or friendly or whatever without being at Zoraxis and I do think that Evil Engineering is something she would always do, but I do think that specific flaws are brought forward by being in such a dogshit work environment.

She's rude to everyone around her in ways I'd bet mirror ways that Zor talks to her, and I am going to be so honest I think she feels like it's... normal? She seems to have a lot of feedback from Zor that micromanages her designs or directs her to sand down the flare or work against her own instinct, which. Dead horse and whatnot (lie, but that is a whole other post) is how she talks to Juniper. But it also is a little bit how she talks about Solaris? At least, she can be pretty awful in criticism of her. Like, yes, the implication is very much that she and Solaris are a duo, they work well together, I like them together as much as you all do. But she can also come off as really shitty.

I do not think that this is because she just Hates Solaris or something, writing off how she snaps at people as her just Hating Everyone is kind of a disservice, as much as saying that it's entirely Zor's fault would be a disservice. I just think she is the sort of person even on a base level without the horrible workplace conditions to a little bit project on others, and being worn thin and micromanaged by ole Dr Manipulator over there is just amplifying that specific character trait a thousandfold.

I think she likes Solaris a lot (in my personal headcanon, she likes her a lot a lot), but since they're close, Solaris ends up getting a lot of that lashing out, in ways that I do not think the Fabricator has the presence of mind or the real estate to examine on a social or emotional level, given the lack of sleep and constant nightmarish workload.

Something to be said about, if you approach her from that angle, the willingness to treat Prism as a disposable pawn might a little bit be something she does not want to look at in the mirror, because I do think she's been slow boiled to not notice how badly Zor treats her.

[changbinsboobs]

ngl I have grown to like bangchan over the years I especially like his dynamic with lee know who is like the polar opposite of bangchan it makes for interesting observations in peoples readings of them. would you say bangchan has desire to seek to help someone because thats what fulfills his satisfactory needs if he feels needed? rather than someone who is maybe more capable of being independant?

please can you then do a current or up to date reading on each members view of their fans?

So about Chan i believe he feels attracted to more badass people/women, but once he gets a crush he gets very...helpful. Its not a very continuous dynamic, but lets be hones most of us aren't very logic when it comes to love. Often we desire exactly that which we lack in us, and when we have it we try to attract it by giving them what we lack, but they already have it. Like with chan in that case. He likes badass, cuz he wants to be badass, but he cant cuz of idol restrictions and personal limitations. He also likes someone that takes great care of themselves especially mentally and with people, something he feels he can't do himself. People unconsciously project their own needs, wants insecurities etc onto others and view life through their own prism of course. So his subconscious mind tries to give his love interests what he lacks, because it thinks that they lack it too, and that way he fills fulfilled and worthy, like he can provide for them what they lack. Even if in reality they don't lack that at all and he knows that, his subconscious mind doesn't, or at least doesn't care😅

About the fan reading - I've already have it planned, I'm probably gonna upload it this evening or tomorrow. I wanted to answer you first tho, so I'm gonna do the reading separately.

:)

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

when schell were designing the fabricator's workshop, they had to constantly make an effort to mirror "the various nuances of [her] character".

her shelf is full of stacks upon stacks of either books on poisons, or experiments surrounding her poisons. she has blueprints and memorabilia of all of her favorite inventions dotted around her workspace. despite her put together facade, her safe space is a completely disorganized mess intentionally designed to parallel her "chaotically creative" nature. she gets so attached to her projects that- regardless of their complexity- she will become enraged upon their destruction.

the fabricator is very quick to anger. she gets a grudge and holds it for a very long time. she will go through extreme, often unnecessary lengths to feel vindicated for any slight against her. she is also very quick to encourage the people around her to do the same, implying that it's less than an instinctual practice and more of a lens in which she sees the world/emphasizes with others emotions.

solaris is a character who has canonically become a "zealot" for laser technology, despite the fact that lasers were only invented in the late 1950s, and patented in 1960- the decade in which the entire series takes place. in that short span of time she has gone on to create a laser so technologically advanced that it has surpassed decades and generations of current scientific progress. when you destroy it she screams like you just murdered her firstborn child.

solaris also has difficulties with communication. she is frequently sharp with people she doesn't like (ie. zor), and has no clue when she should or shouldn't hold her tongue- to the point where it most assuredly jeopardizes her own health and safety. when communicating with the agent before their cover is blown- despite generally being friendly and sympathetic towards their situation- her tone will still be rather blunt and monotone, and can easily be misconstrued as cold, curt, or frustrated.

dr prism is a highly intelligent scientist who developed the technology to combat gravity itself and still was not personally satisfied due to the immense amount of pressure she was constantly applying to herself. she devoted herself to creating robotic agents to supplant humans, succeeded, and then grew to care for those robots with such intense fervor that she considered those lives as sudo-human and of more worth than her own.

she also is highly rejection sensitive, lashing out at both herself and people around her, while simultaneously desperately craving for meaningful approval from her peers. at the end of cold shoulder- as painfully as she loathed the phoenix in that moment- she couldn't even bring herself to kill or even harm them because of her subconscious sensitivity towards others' lives.

she has a perfectly acceptable house that she- seemingly- does not live in, because she spends so much time working on her robots that she chooses to live in the factory zor lent her. she can differentiate between the hundreds of her robots and cares for them like family. she stims when she gets excited- even in the middle of a life or death scenario inside of an active volcano.

this is an incredibly unnecessarily long winded way of saying that these three women are autistic as fuck i think. why aren't we making these women more autistic?? hello???

[oddogoblino]

Sonic Prime Theory

(TLDR at the bottom)

Prime Sonic isn't usually a hugger or rude and never was before the events in the show, he's just so stressed and trying to cope with what he's done that he's mentally trying to replicate how his friends behave to somewhat pretend they're still around. He hugs Nine because Tails would hug him sometimes. When he split up somewhat with the prism, he wasn't becoming different Sonics, he was mimicking how he views his friends. He's not a hugger and usually would hate hugs, but he can't help but resort to this after seeing different versions of his friends but not the real deals anywhere. He hugs Shadow because that's the only piece of his friends he has left and he's just been tossed around from many of his friends who werent...them.

Without his real friends, he feels like he's missing something and it's unbearable to him and he hasn't addressed it yet. He's projecting, he's joking around, he's getting easily agitated (and thus quick to ruder remarks), he's shaking and struggling to breathe, and he's trying to ground himself by becoming what he feels his friends are like to try and make things feel more normal. But he's not them. He'll never be them, because he only knows his pov of them and doesn't think like them, so it's not working for him and just making him slip up more. Shadow is the only one who can ground him here as one of the pieces to sonic's sense of reality and he can't even be in constant contact with him, he can't always talk to him while in the other worlds like he could with Nine for a good portion of S2.

Sonic is trying his best to keep being the Sonic he usually was, the one many know him to be, but he can't even catch a second to process what he's going through and he's snapping a little because the shatterspace was made practically adapted to his mind, including what hurts him most deep down. Like cmon, it can't be a coincidence that he is afraid of/hates water and then we get an entire world where it's all water and everything he loved about his home is submerged where his distaste of water won't let him reach. The shatterspace trying to do exactly what Sonic did to the paradox prism, shattering/breaking him.

TLDR: Sonic isn't taking how different each variant of his friends are to his og friends very well, so to cope, he's subconsciously mimicking their og behaviors (like being more affectionate) to try and fill that void/sense that something is missing as he goes along in the show. Getting rude/more reckless bc he's freaking out.

[uncleasad]

it’s called a prism, lol

D’oh! 😂 Thanks! I knew that…once upon a time.

(Did they give it any other name than “prism”? “Subconscious Projection Prism”?)

[androsky-lugo]

Beyond the Frame: 10 Inventive Photography Projects to Unleash Your Creativity

Photography is not just about capturing images; it's about telling stories, expressing emotions, and pushing the boundaries of creativity. Whether you're a novice photographer or a seasoned pro, embarking on a photography project can be a transformative journey that opens new avenues of exploration and self-discovery. In this article, we'll explore ten unconventional and inventive photography projects designed to challenge your skills, inspire your imagination, and redefine the way you see the world through the lens of your camera.

Light Painting: Illuminating the Night

Step into the realm of light painting photography, where the night becomes your canvas and a flashlight your brush. This project involves long exposure shots combined with deliberate movements of light sources to create mesmerizing patterns, shapes, and textures. From swirling orbs of color to intricate designs suspended in darkness, light painting photography allows you to transform ordinary scenes into enchanting works of art that dance with energy and vibrancy.

Surreal Self-Portraits: Exploring Inner Realms

Dive into the realm of surreal self-portraiture, where reality blurs with fantasy and the subconscious comes to life. This project challenges you to delve deep into your imagination and explore the hidden corners of your psyche through experimental photography techniques. By incorporating props, costumes, and digital manipulation, you can create surreal and thought-provoking images that invite viewers on a journey of introspection, wonder, and self-discovery.

Underwater Photography: Immersing in Aquatic Realms

Take your photography beneath the surface and explore the enchanting world of underwater photography. Whether you're snorkeling in tropical seas or diving in murky lakes, this project invites you to capture the ethereal beauty of aquatic landscapes and the mesmerizing creatures that inhabit them. From vibrant coral reefs to mysterious shipwrecks, underwater photography offers a unique perspective that challenges conventional notions of space, gravity, and beauty.

Reflections and Refractions: Playing with Light and Glass

Experiment with reflections and refractions to create captivating and surreal images that challenge perception and stimulate the imagination. This project involves using mirrors, prisms, and other reflective surfaces to bend, distort, and fragment light in unexpected ways. By playing with angles, compositions, and focal points, you can create images that blur the line between reality and abstraction, inviting viewers to question what they see and explore the hidden depths of visual perception.

Infrared Photography: Seeing the Unseen

Step into the realm of infrared photography, where invisible light becomes visible and familiar landscapes take on an otherworldly glow. This project involves using specialized infrared cameras or modifying existing cameras to capture the unique spectrum of light beyond the human eye. From dreamy landscapes bathed in soft, glowing light to surreal portraits that seem to emanate from another dimension, infrared photography offers a glimpse into a hidden world waiting to be discovered.

Toy Photography: Breathing Life into Inanimate Objects

Explore the whimsical world of toy photography, where plastic figures come to life and mundane objects become the backdrop for epic adventures. This project invites you to tap into your inner child and create playful and imaginative scenes using action figures, dolls, and miniature props. Whether it's staging a superhero showdown on the kitchen counter or a romantic picnic in the backyard, toy photography offers endless opportunities for storytelling, creativity, and pure, unadulterated fun.

Urban Decay: Finding Beauty in Dilapidation

Venture into the forgotten corners of the urban landscape and discover the haunting beauty of decay and dilapidation. This project challenges you to seek out abandoned buildings, rusted machinery, and decaying infrastructure and capture the eerie beauty of their disintegration. From crumbling facades to overgrown interiors, urban decay photography invites viewers to contemplate the passage of time, the inevitability of change, and the resilience of nature in the face of human intervention.

Experimental Film Photography: Embracing Imperfection

Rediscover the magic of analog photography and embrace the imperfections of film in a digital world. This project involves experimenting with different film stocks and cameras and developing techniques to create images that are raw, unpredictable, and undeniably authentic. From light leaks and double exposures to unexpected color shifts and grainy textures, experimental film photography celebrates the beauty of imperfection and invites viewers to embrace the unpredictability of life itself.

Aerial Photography: Seeing the World from Above

Take your photography to new heights – literally – with aerial photography, where drones and aircraft become your eyes in the sky. This project challenges you to explore the world from a different perspective, capturing sweeping vistas, geometric patterns, and breathtaking landscapes from above. Whether it's soaring over rugged mountains, skimming across tranquil lakes, or navigating through urban canyons, aerial photography offers a fresh and exhilarating way to experience the beauty and diversity of our planet.

Collaborative Creations: Fostering Community and Connection

Break down barriers and foster connection through collaborative photography projects that bring together artists, storytellers, and communities from diverse backgrounds and perspectives. Whether it's a global photo essay documenting the human experience during times of crisis, a community mural celebrating local culture and heritage, or a virtual gallery showcasing the collective vision of artists from around the world, collaborative photography projects offer a platform for dialogue, empathy, and understanding in an increasingly fragmented world.

Photography is not just a craft; it's a journey of exploration, discovery, and self-expression. By embarking on one of these ten inventive photography projects, you have the opportunity to push the boundaries of your creativity, challenge your perceptions, and redefine the way you see the world. So pick up your camera, embrace the unknown, and let your imagination soar as you explore the endless possibilities of visual storytelling through the lens of a camera.

[bluetomorrows]

How Sailor Moon changed my life

Moon Prism Power, Make Up!

So in Grade 11, I had this project in sociology class about homophobia. I wanted to get a somewhat objective example across cultures. Here's how gay people are perceived in one culture vs another. If I just chose 2 random examples there could be arguments made about context and other factors influencing it. I ended up settling on Sailor Moon. Comparing the original Japanese dub to the 90s dubs that removed all references to the gay characters being gay. I think I did a pretty good job on the paper, I explained well how gay people are treated in Japanese media against American media, using the exact same show. I got a good mark. But afterwards, I was still a little interested in the show.

So I thought "Fuck it, I'll watch a little Sailor Moon, even just to check that that paper was completely accurate". I wasn't sure how to feel about it at first. The protagonist was a bumbling idiot, the episodes were formulaic, the plot moved at a snail's pace, and was just generally a little childish and absurd.

But for whatever reason, I kept watching it. At a slow pace mind you, an episode here, 2 episodes there. And now, much much later, I am watching the fourth season of the show and I really love it.

The thing about rain is that eventually, it always ends

I started watching Sailor Moon at a very important time in my life. Something I rarely see when discussing transitioning is the effects being socialized as a boy has on it. When you're a boy, you're essentially trained to hate femininity and women. Well, not necessarily hate women but hate the idea of acting like a woman. You're taught that women are weak irrational creatures. They're selfish and cruel and only pretend to have empathy and compassion. Obviously, when you write it out like this you can see that it's a misogynistic lie, but most men won't write it out. Even if they respect women and try to treat them as equals, a lot of men they're still subconsciously thinking something similar to this, just a little. There is nothing worse to be than someone feminine.

So when you come out as a woman you might have an internal crisis, again, maybe just subconsciously. You know you're a woman but, being a woman is bad right? I don't want to be weak and irrational. The only gauge you have on being a woman is what you feel inside your heart, and what you've been socialized to believe about women. It can be very confusing.

Sailor Moon came to me during this time of crisis. Sailor Moon is not ashamed of its femininity. And it also doesn't think feminity is this one thing some people want to pin it down as. There are a variety of women represented here. More masculine women, more feminine women, queer women, maternal women, non-binary women, a very wide range of women. All of them are distinctly feminine, but not any better or worse than each other because there is no right or wrong way to be a woman.

I love how every Sailor Moon character feels very unique and distinct. It's obviously just a part of good writing but it also helped show me what it's actually like to be around other girls, they aren't a monolith.

There's a trend in a lot of media to make the badass women masculine. You can't be an action hero without also being a tomboy (Not to say there is anything wrong with being a tomboy, just that the idea that you need to be one to be cool or powerful is dumb). The women in Sailor Moon are powerful not in spite of their femininity, but because of it.

Not powerful and women, they're powerful women.

It's a very long intimate exploration of a group of friends. Women who love and support each other through everything, not because of any romantic interest (shipping aside), but just because of their deep connections to each other. As someone who at this point in my life has experienced both male friendships and female friendships, there is definitely a difference. Not to say one is better or worse than another, they just have a different flavour.

I hope it doesn't seem here like I'm implying an inherent difference between men and women. Just because of a lot of cultural and historical factors (that I, someone blogging about Sailor Moon do not have the time to go into) femininity and masculinity are two different things, both associated with gender. Of course, these are social constructs but a lot of people identify with the construct so yeah.

These women can and will kill God

Anyways, their friendship is important to all of them. Our connections are all that we have in this world, but that isn't a bad thing, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful friendship, one that can stay strong with little issues over the course of 5 seasons. Of course, they'll occasionally bump heads, and feel free to tell Usagi when she's making an incredibly dumb impulsive decision, but it's not out of a place of malice or resentment. At the end of the day, they always have each other's backs.

I think Usagi herself is one of my favourite aspects of the show. She's lazy, she's VERY emotional, she eats a lot, and she gets very low marks in school. So over the course of 5 seasons, we slowly get to see Usagi grow out of these aspects and become greater.

Just kidding! Usagi does not change. Well, at least she doesn't change these aspects of herself. That's the thing about her character. She's not ashamed of who she is. You may see this as a fault when she gets in trouble for poor marks at school, but when we see her be the only one in the group to absolutely refuse to give up on Hotaru you realize that's what is so great about her. Usagi may not be able to do algebra or clean her room, but at the end of the day, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent and resilient. And that's okay. You don't need to be perfect, even in the areas where Usagi fails. I see this as a pretty bold decision. Lazy, not traditionally intelligent, are these really the traits you want to give your main character? Especially in a show where they're expected to save the world? But they pulled it off really well. Usagi is perfect just the way she is.

Just a couple besties hanging out

Now I'll be the first to admit that this series is not perfect. Despite all the praise I've given it for how it handles feminine dynamics, I think that's mostly cause of the amazing groundwork set for the mostly male anime staff by the female Sailor Moon creator, Naoko Takeuchi. Because of that male staff, there are a couple sexist moments sprinkled in there. On top of that while I do like how they use filler to expand characters, not all of the many filler episodes are winners. Some are just filler.

But despite all of that I still love Sailor Moon. It occupies a very special place in my heart, and I can truly say that watching it has changed my life

Feels like a curse

Sounds like a dream

Don't know what it means

But it means everything

[animatewarriorcats]

Do you have any tips for making animation-friendly designs? My designs are intentionally accurate to real-life cats, and I love them, but I know they would be super tedious to animate, or even use in a comic! How do you make such simple designs that are still so amazing and beautiful?

Well, it just takes practice and iterations I think! Mostly. But I have a few tips that I fall back on frequently I could share so Here’s my quick hot take on making animation designs:

Simplicity is your friend. I had a professor that used a term “simplexity” to describe the balance needed in order to make a character unique and easily recognizable, but also not hell to render out in a full animation. This is going to mean different things for different productions, for example something on the scale of Disney can have a character like John silver with a multi faceted robot arm whereas if we’re trying to do something low budget (*COUGHforfreeCOUGH*) you’re going to want to minimize the headache people have when drawing your character by leaning into the simple side of this term, so that they don’t want to murder you and will still be your friend after the project is over. (more under the cut!)

So what does this mean exactly? You’ll want to keep the line mileage to a minimum. For cats, this means limit the amount of detail and rendering you give the fur in your linework. I’ve seen Artists who break this rule magnificiently (like Raevi goddaMN GIRL) but for a design it is much easier on artists to streamline down to core body shapes and key character Accents in the fur (like tail shapes, cheek floofs ect). This can be pretty diverse, but I’d minimize it as much as possible (if possible down to three accents, more on this later).

For examples, On lionblazes design (line art only at this point) his Character traits are his tail shape, Mane, and Scribbly eyebrows, all aspects that mean more strokes are being taken and work done, but that are easily recognizable between frames, and artists. I also have brought up Dovewing’s design because it’s more complex in it’s line art, but I could simplify it down even more to just her butt shoulder and ear floofs and still recognize her character silhouette. In fact, paring it down even further would strengthen her recognizability.

The amount of strokes you have people draw in cleanup will drastically change the amount of time it takes to render a character. Between Firestar and Bramblepaw in this shot Bramble easily took twice as long to line (or more!) thanks to his beautiful luscious curls.

Next! Principle I use in simplexity is the rule of three. For whatever reason, the number three is your best friend.  It’s not as weirdly symmetrical as two or four, and maintains a unique organic-ness to it without getting carried away by five or seven. Now what am I even talking about? Pretty much everything. This is the secret of markings. This is the secret of character accents. This is the secret of color picking. The Rule of three is your best friend.  

Take Brambleclaw for example.  I gave him three stripes/markings on his face, and three on his side. It feels nice and natural and organic, without being overwhelming. I also gave him three specific fur accents in his line art, his ear tips/eyebrows, Belly floof, and shoulder puff. I used the rule of three in picking his colors, three main pelt colors, and three accent colors (eyes are always gonna be more complex if desired, people love rendering the shit out of eyes) and even so, three colors for the eyes. I used his lightest pelt color in only three places, and his Pink color in only three places, and his darkest color in only three places (eyebrows, Tail tip, and if I had thought to write it down, his paw pads). Even his forehead marking has three parts to it. You do it enough and it becomes really natural and subconscious. Of course, like all rules, you can still break it if you need to, but It has been one of my best friends.

Alright last thing to think about for now, (see what I did there? There are more things, but it helps people remember better to learn Three at a Time), are Shapes. Specifically using Simple identifiable shapes when constructing the body or face of your character. This is going to sound similar to the line mileage point, because they are related, but they are different. This is focusing on the macro details of a silhouette whereas Accents are about Micro details. This point also has the added benefit of helping characters look and feel related to each other if you use it potently!

Let’s take Hawkfrost and Mothwing for example. Specifically their faces. Hawk I designed first, and I wanted him to feel dangerous, and maybe a little twisted. So I decided to integrate a lot of triangles into his design because, a triangle’s shape language reads as dangerous. They’re pointy, and sharp, like teeth claws, and knives. We can’t in good conscious put an especially triangular object next to a baby because it inherently feels dangerous. They’ll poke their eye out with that tall prism. Other shapes have their meanings as well, Rectangles (cubes) are sturdy, and circular objects are the opposite of triangles, they’re the shape of eggs, fluffy pillowy things, and babies. They’re inherently safe, and soft.

Pull back from digression. Look at hawkfrost and his triangles. They have sharp claw like tips, which are emphasized even with a noticeable downward curving to their points. This motif is repeated multiple times, in his cheeks, his ears, his eyes, his chin, his nose. This becomes unifying, and inherently feels dangerous and curved, or twisted.

Now look at moth. She has triangles too, but I deliberately went through the effort to make them rounder, softer, inverting the angles of her eyes to feel sad and not cruel. Yet she remains similar in enough ways that she feels related. Her nose curves in a similar downward manner, her ears retain the out down curve without the dangerous point to them. The fur accents of her cheeks add to the roundness, making her feel softer while sharing hawks cheekwings.

Let’s take another example, Bluestar and Snowfur.  They are proof that similarities do not have to be reserved to face shapes alone to give that strong feeling of relatedness. In some ways I think theirs is the strongest sibling bond I’ve read in the books, and that obviously translated to how I designed them haha! The idea behind their design was ‘curvy sturdy’ which is reflected in their circular based hourglass figures emphasizing Bluestar’s ‘broad shoulders’. I tried to make their heads more of a squashed circular shape, to give it more sturdy strength while feeling soft and maternal. Her ears are very rounded at the tips, and the particular downward turn is easy to identify and reflect in both cats. Lastly, their square “pants” because let’s be honest, both these she cats wore the pants in their families. There are also enough differences that in pure silhouette you would still be able to tell Snowfurs bushy tail apart from Bluestar’s thinning fur, and snows’ cheekfluffs from blues wide round jaws.

Of course I am not perfect at all of these elements, and there are even more things I could say that make designs unique and easily animatable while also identifiable.  If you are looking for more or different suggestions, I liked Tenielle Flowers’ Video she released on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lO-kNlyHn8A .

And good luck!

[starsailorstories]

Levinoxia & The Void

The void is a representation of Levinoxia and her will, but she is arguably also a representation of it--the universe existed before the religious interpretations of it, of course. (Anybody who doesn’t have the rundown on Levinoxia yet should check out the goddesses post to read up about her!) The void is seen as an entity in and of itself, and one not quite so straightforward to bargain with as the Goddesses.

I’ve said before that Destigravitationist thought has a similar role in the beginnings of Andromedan capitalism to Calvinist thought in the beginnings of earth capitalism, and pro-Imperial believers tend to see the void in much the way the Puritans saw the ‘New World’ wilderness--unordered and unconquered, and therefore inherently corrupting. It’s a projection of all the infinite imperfection and non-uniformity their systems are trying to repress.

But even they can’t avoid the fact that the void is where they came from. And there are much older narratives in play in the cultural landscape.

The void has been seen as the world of the dead, rife with currents of spirits traveling to the points of the cosmic prism to be refracted and transformed. This was taken most literally in the original age of interstellar sailing, when the floating drifts of lights that weave through the Andromedan interstellar medium had not yet been identified as living creatures, and when the dying often made a voluntary ‘final voyage’ to nova in the upper atmosphere. The association of the void with death--and rebirth--in the Cosmonist imagination has survived generations of advancing knowledge.

At the same time, Levinoxia’s position as the protectress of both travelers in the physical world and seekers of truth--and the values of the age of intergalactic exploration--have led to the vacuum becoming a common metaphor for the space in which truth-seeking occurs. It can represent the purity of a focused, faithful life. It can be consciousness, it can be the unconscious or subconscious, and--at its most revered and most sinister--it can be the substance of chaos and madness, navigated only by the flame of wisdom in Levinoxia’s lantern.

In myth and folklore--and, let’s be honest, in real life--astraeas respond to the challenge of the void in a variety of ways. There’s defiance, the province of many a tragic hero, wherein the brave but foolhardy soul attempts to cheat danger or death head-on. It’s an attitude of will to survive and assert, and at its most reckless, to conquer. Particularly in the holy poems, there’s a gentle respect for these heights of mortal folly--the goddesses praise spacefarers’ courage even as they harshly rebuke their behavior. The void obliterates, but she obliterates without judgement.

Many spacefarers, real and fictional, describe a kind of coexistence with marian levine, the lightless sea, that involves meeting her challenge--traveling with a wariness for survival and an openness to loss--while maintaining a personal integrity. The vacuum is fickle and fierce, but a captain forged on the Via is unwavering. She eyerolls her particle storms and flung asteroids like an old friend, and adjusts course.

The descriptor “void-touched” is most often applied to seasoned spacefarers as well, and it may look superficially similar, but it’s almost an opposite concept. The void-touched are said to love the vacuum too much to ever fully return to terrestrial life. They’re eccentric, blunt; the goddess’s flame blinds them to the little harmless untruths needed to preserve social harmony. Alternately, they’re too dreamy, “spacey” in the most concerning sense. Some legends say that they will be noxtaias (tricky and occasionally vengeful void-spirits, somewhere in the crossroads between merfolk and fair folk) when they die.

I’m sure there’s plenty of folks thinking about this in-universe, but for me, the archetype of the vacuum in astraea society represents the dangers to the ego nature inherent in the pursuit of truth. Spacefaring requires people to abandon the certainty and safety of gravity; to destabilize what they think they know and become open to a reality that might blow their worldview apart. 

[sayedmiahbcu]

Colour - True Blue: Exploring the Secret Life of a Colour

What is blue the colour of?

Ocean

Sadness

Sky

Depression

Pablo Picasso: blue period

Work produced between 1901 and 1904

He painted essentially monochromatic paintings in shades of blue and blue-green

Influenced by the suicide of his friend Carlos Casagemas, who shot himself in the right temple

The series of paintings show the powerful emotions through them, he really showed how he was feeling and how bad this news affected him.

Joan Miro: This is the Colour of my Dreams

This work is part of a series created between 1924 and 1927 known as "peinture-poésie" (painting-poetry)

The sires were about his interest in dreams and the subconscious

Ultramarine (beyond the sea) – shade of blue

Is a deep blue colour pigment which was originally made by grinding lapis lazuli into a powder

It’s called “beyond the sea” because the pigment was imported into Europe from mines in Afghanistan by Italian traders during the 14th and 15th centuries.

The finest and most expensive blue used by Renaissance painters

Often used for the robes of the Virgin Mary, and symbolized holiness and humility

It remained an extremely expensive pigment until a synthetic ultramarine was invented in 1826

Lapis lazuli: (The Blue stone) – shade of blue

Is a deep blue metamorphic rock used as a semi-precious stone that has been prized since antiquity for its intense colour

Was mined in the Sar-I Sang mines, in Shortugai

Was ground into powder and made into ultramarine, the finest and most expensive of all blue pigments

Most important artists of the Renaissance and Baroque period, including Masaccio, Perugino, Titian and Vermeer used this colour

In 1920s, French Ultramarine was created by Jean-Baptiste Guimet, a French chemist.

Yves Klein - International Klein Blue (IKB)

A deep blue hue first mixed by the French artist

IKB's visual impact comes from its heavy reliance on ultramarine

He used the colour in his piece Untitled Anthropometry

Electric blue – shade of blue

‘I could see a huge beam of projected light flooding up into infinity from the reactor. It was like a laser light, caused by ionisation of the air. It was light bluish, and it was very beautiful.’ – Sasha Yuvchenko, in New Scientist (2004)

Is often considered close to cyan

Is a representation of the colour of lightning, an electric spark, and the colour of ionized argon gas

functions of colour

colour can affect our mood

Red: Anger, embarrassment, passionate, and lustful

Blue: Shyness, sadness, and calmness

Yellow: Cowardice, happiness, or caution

Green: Disgust, envy, sickness, friendly, or greedy

Grey: Depression and emotionless

Black: Cold or mournful

Sir Isaac Newton was the first to come with the colour wheel. While studying white light reflecting off prisms, he noticed that the light reflected a spectrum of colours.

Colours are different to different people around the world, for example, the colour purple is seen a wisdom for Japanese people, but native Americans see brown as the colour of wisdom. So, it depends who you are and where you come from because it’s not the same everywhere.

I enjoyed this lecture and finding out how colours influence people’s moods and emotion, which is something I should take into consideration when make a poster or billboard. I need to think about what colours attract viewers and make them feel a certain way towards my campaign/ issue.

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4: Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 28)

Description: Lila seeks shelter with the Catalysts. Estela and Aleister confront their father. Meanwhile, Tahira gets an unexpected visitor.

Tagging: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @princesstopgun @mysteli @endlesshero1122

Notes: I already announced this on AO3, but I tend to forget to make these announcements on Tumblr, too. I will be writing a Book 5. There is just too much story left for me to sum it up in Book 4. There’s still a good bit left of Book 4, though.

Chapter 28: Mimicry

Tahira

Why, oh why did I agree to do this press conference so early in the morning? I barely slept last night, and a cup of extra strong coffee isn't really cutting through the haze. But I've got Grayson on one side of me and Meiko Katsaros on the other, offering support. One of these two people knows who I am under the mask and supersuit I'm wearing. Both are necessary allies at this conference. I clear my throat, shifting slightly at the podium.

“I know the first question on everyone's minds has to be regarding my whereabouts for the last ten weeks. To be honest, the exact location is still something of a mystery. It appears that the experimental reactivation of the Prism Gate within the Prescott Industries lab is what allowed me to return with Silas Prescott, and several of the scientists who were involved in the project are working with me to get some answers, but as of right now, I don't have anything more to say on that matter. As to whether or not Silas Prescott may still present a threat, I can assure you that DA Katsaros and the Northbridge Police Department are keeping him under surveillance while he recovers. And once he does, it will be up to the justice system to decide what will become of him then. I will be advising them as far as I am allowed, advocating for a course of action that keeps the public safe. And I will now open the floor to questions...”

Michelle

Tahira's press conference flickers on the television set mounted near the ceiling in the corner of the hospital cafeteria. It's on the edge of my vision, but I only let it hold my attention for an instant before my eyes drop back to Lila, sitting across from me with her knees drawn to her chest. Her coffee is going cold on the table in front of her. She is still wearing scrubs, and the nametag of a nurse I actually know fairly well. If I hadn’t been told by the Endless that Lila was alive, I would have taken this woman across from me for one of nature’s doppelgangers. A trick of genetics and chance that happened to create a person nearly identical to Lila in appearance. This woman acts nothing like the Lila I knew on the island. That Lila was as irritatingly bubbly as she was ruthless, and neither side of her personality was a lie. That image of her doesn’t quite gel with the woman sitting across from me now, showing a dozen red flags.

“Lila, why don’t you take that nametag off?” I coax gently.

“I’m not Lila anymore,” she mutters. But she complies, removing the badge and placing it facedown on the table in front of her.

“Is there another name you go by now?”

“…Most of the time. But…” She trails off and stays silent, giving no indication that she intends to continue that thought.

“…Do you want to tell me what it is?”

She shakes her head. “No. Just call me Lila.” She looks up at me. “You don’t seem surprised to see me.”

“…Actually, I am.” It’s not really a lie. I wasn’t expecting to see her here. “At least a little.”

“I suppose with Alodia turning up again, it can’t be that big of a shock to find out that I’m alive, too.”

“Clearly you haven’t completely neglected to watch the news. But in point of fact, we learned that Mike was alive well before Alodia came back.”

“…Mike…which one was Mike?”

Oh, right. She was already dead by the time Mouse’s identity was revealed.

“Jake’s navy buddy. The one who was killed by his commander. Or…so he thought. Mike actually survived, and he became Mouse. We rescued him from Lundgren, but then he was killed helping us in the final battle. And then we got off the island and discovered him alive.”

“…Oh. Of course. I remember Commander Lundgren’s trial…”

“Now. Why don’t you tell me what you were doing in Silas Prescott’s hospital room?” Lila averts her eyes, hugging her knees more tightly to her chest. When she doesn't answer after a moment, I continue, lowering my voice. “I don't want to get you in trouble, Lila. If you can convince me that you don't mean him any harm, I am entirely willing to overlook the fact that you're illegally impersonating a nurse.”

Lila looks up sharply, fear and hurt in her eyes. “I wasn't going to hurt him...” she whispers faintly. “I...was just a messenger...”

I hold her gaze, and will her not to look away. “...Who's message were you delivering?” I ask like a mother who already knows the answer. I fear that I do.

Tears are pooling in Lila's eyes now. Her lips start to quiver as her face reddens. I'm not entirely expecting what she says next...although perhaps I should have been.

“...Help me, Michelle. Please...I think he's going to make me hurt someone.”

I take a moment to collect myself, the way I do when a patient starts coding. “...By 'he', I assume you mean...?”

She nods. “...Mr. Rourke,” she whispers.

“Rourke is in prison, Lila. He's in prison for life. He can't make you hurt anyone.”

“Yes, he can!” she growls under her breath. “You know he can! You know he has that power!”

“You resisted him once before,” I remind her. “When he wanted you to hurt us. You fought back. Protected us.”

She is quiet for a moment, apparently considering this. Then she sighs, shaking her head.

“I think I was stronger then.”

I frown, lowering my voice. At this hour, the cafeteria is pretty quiet, but I'm not taking chances here. “Lila, how long have you been...alive?”

“...I...think it's been about five years...”

“And...how long have you been in contact with Rourke?”

“...About since he went to prison. A few months after.”

“What?! Oh, Lila...!” I'm caught between frustration and pity. I know from Alodia that Lila didn't have any family on the outside. She dedicated her life to Rourke because she believed he could erase her troubled childhood. “Why didn't you seek one of us out? You must have realized we all made it off the island, and you were our friend at the end. We could have helped you.”

She shrugs miserably. “...Maybe I wanted you to remember me as I was.”

“...But you went back to Rourke?”

“I don't know, Michelle. I felt sorry for him. I wasn't intending to show him anything except sympathy...”

“Except that Rourke is a master manipulator. He's a psychologically abusive asshole, and losing everything hasn't changed that.”

Lila shakes her head hard. Then, quick as a striking snake, she reaches out to grasp my wrist. “It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how it happened. You have to help me now. He knows Alodia is alive. He knows she's pregnant. And he's planning something.”

Alodia

I'm dreaming. I know I am. I'm clinging to the mast of The Dorado while Cetus' storm has the sea roiling and crashing against the hull. I've lived through this moment. And now I'm living it again. And I know what happens this time.

I won't...I won't watch him die...

Craig is going to die this time. The dream me, the one who doesn't know what's going to happen, doesn't understand why she's suddenly looking around for Craig. Why she's suddenly so sure he's in trouble. But it won't be until Cetus' tail comes down and splits the deck in half that he'll be lost.

Wake up! Wake up! There is no point in reliving this!

Isn't there...? Isn't knowledge your greatest weapon? To protect them? To protect yourself? To protect your child?

...But what can I learn from this? What can I learn from watching this again?

What makes you think I can tell you? I'm only your subconscious. Or perhaps I am the Endless. Or even your father.

Cetus' tail lands the blow that shatters the deck and throws me into the sea. I can feel the electrical current that rushes through his body as if through my own. It leaves me stunned, too stunned to think of swimming. It's Craig who first finds me in the water, holding my head above the surface, while he is battered by the raging waves...

No! No, I won't! Let me go!

I'm not holding you captive, Alodia. Go back to your husband...

… I come awake with a soft gasp. The child in my womb stirs in response, as does their father beside me. His hand gropes for mine.

“You okay, 'Lodia...?” he mumbles, his voice languid with sleep.

I blink, getting my bearings. The digital clock on the bedside table reads 2:41am. “I'm fine. River just decided that this was the perfect time to practice kickboxing.”

Jake shifts onto his side, stroking my belly with his free hand. “Go back to sleep, kiddo. Your mama needs her rest.”

“So does your papa,” I remark. “You'll be waking both of us up at all hours with crying soon enough. He should sleep while he can. Unfortunately, he's kind of a worrywart, and he wakes up whenever I do.”

“Someday, kiddo, you'll hear a story that explains exactly why that is.”

“...But not for a very long time, I hope.”

“Well, I'm not suggesting it would ever be a bedtime story. I'm guessing our kid will have the sex talk years before they have the 'Mama's half-alien' talk. Hell, I'd suggest we give 'em the 'Papa spent three years on the run from the military' talk before we try to explain everything that happened on that island and why they have so many aunties and uncles who aren't related to us.”

“...But you think we should tell them eventually?”

“I think it's not unlikely they'll need to know. And I want them to know some day that their mama saved the world.”

I snort a little. “Well...there's time enough to figure out when and how we'd explain everything. Nearly 3am isn't exactly the time to be making decisions like that.”

“Fair enough.” Jake draws me gently into his arms. “Let's get some sleep instead.”

I close my eyes and nestle my head on his chest. My head rises and falls as he lets out a contented sigh and presses a kiss to the top of my head. I tighten my grip, trying to ignore the growing dread behind my heart. In the back of my mind, I can hear it calling me, the image of the chained woman hidden in the poolhouse, carved from the amber of Elyys'tel.

Sean

“We need to warn Alodia and Jake,” I insist.

“Warn them of what?” Michelle snaps, exasperated. “That a man who is currently languishing in a criminal asylum on the opposite side of the country thinks he might be able to use her or her baby to activate a doomsday machine?”

“You make him sound so harmless,” I snap back. “You know he isn't. He's a dangerous egomaniac with an indomitable will who actually built a functional doomsday machine that he could have used her in...”

Michelle sighs, rubbing her hands over her face. “You're right,” she concedes. “He's not harmless. But right now, he's contained. The Omega Mech doesn't exist anymore. Neither does the Island's Heart. I don't doubt he has the will, but right now, he's severely lacking in resources. There's no good reason to stress them out right now. Especially while Alodia's pregnant.”

“Michelle,” Quinn says gently, “think about that for more than a moment, you'll realize keeping it from them is a really bad idea. If you thought a patient of yours might have cancer, you wouldn't hide it from them just because you also thought it was a long shot and you didn't want to stress them out.”

Michelle looks down at her hands, gripping fistfuls of her scrub pants in her lap. I reach over to cover her hand with mine, stroking her knuckles with my thumb.

“...Alodia and Jake aren't patients,” she says flatly.

“No,” I agree. “They're our friends.”

“...And they won't thank us if we hide this from them,” Quinn adds. “They have a right to know.”

Michelle closes her eyes with a sigh. Finally, she nods. “Okay. You're right. We'll call a Catalyst meeting. But...I think first, we should decide what to do with Lila.”

I glance over at Lila, curled up on the armchair in the corner of Michelle and Quinn's apartment, gazing back at us with dull, exhausted eyes. It doesn't feel quite right, discussing her as if she isn't in the room, but I honestly don't know if she'd talk back if we did try to bring her into the conversation.

“I don't think we should keep her here,” I murmur. “For a few reasons. One of which is named Montoya.” I don't mention a first name on purpose. I don't think Lila has been made aware that Olivia is alive, and I don't want her to find out like this.

“That is a good point. The closer to us Lila stays, the more likely it is she's going to encounter her. And...that could get messy. Frankly, I don't think either of them need that right now.”

“But where else could she go that would be safe?” Quinn asks worriedly. “Ultimately, isn't Lila safest with the Catalysts? What if Aleister and Grace were to look after her?”

“And what if Rourke has some way of tracking her?” I ask. “If he gets his claws in her again, she'll then have access to basically all the resources of Rourke International.”

“I'd suggest sending her to be looked after on the west coast,” Quinn sighs, “but if she is being tracked...that would be even more dangerous, since she'd basically have total access to Alodia and the baby.”

“And that is not an option,” Michelle declares fiercely. Her mouth twists a little. “I...suppose we could take her to a women's shelter...”

I feel something cold grip my gut. My grasp on Michelle's hand tightens involuntarily. She frowns, her free hand coming up to cup my cheek, and gently turn my face toward her.

“...Sweetie, are you okay?”

I swallow against the sudden dryness in my mouth. “Y-yeah. But...I don't know if a women's shelter is going to be the best place for her...”

“Why not? They're better equipped to counsel and protect abused women than any pocket of Catalysts on our own would be.”

“None of them know Rourke, though. And...” I trail off, hesitating for a moment. While I feel plenty safe revealing details of my troubled childhood to Michelle and Quinn and indeed any of the Catalysts, having Lila in the room makes it more difficult. But I draw in a breath, and lower my voice. “When I was about twelve, Dad went through a particularly bad phase. Like...bad even for him. Momma actually feared for our lives. It was the one time she tried to get away. Packed me up and drove to a women's shelter while he was out of the house. It wasn't like it was a bad place, but it also wasn't the most secure, and...”

“...He found you,” Michelle finishes grimly. I nod.

“Didn't do any physical or property damage, just came in and yelled a lot, scared the crap out of all the residents and their kids. ...My dad was unhinged and brain damaged. Rourke...isn't. Well, unhinged, maybe, but he's sharp. He's deadly smart.”

“...And in prison,” Michelle reminds me.

I shake my head. “No prison is escape-proof. You know that. We were warned. You heard it from her own lips.”

“Guys?” Quinn pipes up. “...I think I may have a solution.”

Raj

“Absolutely. Don't even worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Sean asks. “Are Craig and Zahra gonna be okay with it?”

“I'm not going to be here much longer. I have to be in Rome in a few days. It will be nice to have company. If you're okay with putting her up another day or two, then I can take over after that no problem.”

“Wow, buddy, that would be amazing of you. It's just that it doesn't feel like she'd be safe leaving her at a women's shelter, but we don't want to keep her in the same city as the Montoyas longer than we have to--”

“Hey, man, you don't need to explain. Lila's our friend, even if there is still some leftover awkwardness. I want to help her.” I hesitate a moment. “But...regarding what she told you...about Rourke's plans. ...How much danger do you think there actually is?”

“That's kinda hard to predict. Michelle managed to get it out of Lila that he's been contacting her via a cellphone disguised as a hairbrush. We blocked his number, and we can probably get that brush confiscated from him. But...I don't know. I don't think I can ever be completely confident that Rourke isn't a threat anymore. Not since Alodia came back.”

I sigh. “...Yeah...I get that. God, it's so crappy that she still has to worry about him at a time like this.”

“It's crappy that she has to worry about him at all. I feel shitty saying this, but I wish he would just die already. He's not doing anyone any good hanging around, why can't he just give up the damn ghost and leave us all alone?”

I sigh. “Honestly, man...I bet even Aleister would agree with you there.”

Aleister

“This feels like a foolish idea.”

From the driver's seat, Estela glances at me just briefly before turning her attention back on the road.

“I need to know what he knows. I need to know what he's planning.”

“He's not going to give himself away. You know that.”

I watch her grip tighten on the steering wheel, watch her masseter bludge against the skin of her jaw as her molars grind into each other.

“I have to look him in the eye.”

“...I worry that we'll give away more secrets than we gain from him,” I sigh.

“How long have you known me that you think I can't keep secrets?” she asks peevishly. “Do you think I could have been a San Trobidian revolutionary if I were that prone to cracking under pressure?”

I can't hold back a wry smile. “Dear sister, when it comes to secrets, you are a locked safe. You will not yeild but for the right combination. But let us be realistic, you are not subtle. Everyone knows a locked safe conceals valuables, even if they can't access them.”

Perhaps in spite of herself, she snorts, and I see a smile playing around her mouth. “And what does that make you, brother? Are you a locked safe concealed behind a hidden panel?”

“Absolutely not. I was a complete disappointment to the man, remember? At best, I am a Batesian mimic.”

“...A what?”

“A harmless prey species that evolves to resemble one that is harmful to its predator. Such as the viceroy butterfly whose colors mimic those of the toxic monarch butterfly. ...Or, perhaps to use a more apt example, the harmless king snake, whose coloring resembles that of the venomous coral snake.”

“...Of course. Much more fitting to compare our dear...sperm donor to a venomous snake than a butterfly.” She is quiet for another moment. “...I want to make sure we get ahold of that hairbrush-phone. I don't fully trust the guards at that place. I'm sure they're doing their best, but...”

“But Father is a dangerous megalomaniac, a master manipulator, et cetera.”

“Precisely.”

I sigh, leaning back in the passenger seat and letting my head drop against the headrest. “Well...I'm still worried about this whole idea. But I suppose we can't just let it lie when Lila was sent to deliver a note to Silas Prescott. ...That suggests he isn't resting on his laurels.”

“Or the memories of his laurels. Clearly he wants to taste glory again, and the means may exist to him now.”

I feel my fingers curl tightly against my palms. “We won't let him get to her.”

* * *

As usual, Estela and I are searched at the door for any dangerous items that we may otherwise smuggle into our detained father before we are finally led to the visitation room. We are made to sit in chairs spaced a safe distance apart so that we could not touch each other, and guards remain beside us, watching for any suspicious movement. Twenty minutes later, our father is led into the room. We are each permitted one embrace at the beginning of our visit, and one at the end. To keep up appearances, we each stand in turn, gingerly taking his hands while he stiffly kisses our cheeks. I'm sure the guards never miss the way we flinch at his touch, but if they have opinions on it, they have never shared them with me.

It would be impossible to miss the rather large bandage wrapped around his right hand, even if he didn't physically touch me. I let my eyes linger on it as he seats himself across from us, folding his hands delicately in his lap.

“What a pleasant surprise,” he remarks, his voice honeyed and cloying. “It has been quite some time since my children visited me.”

“Perhaps now you have some idea of what it was like to have you for a father,” I snap back. “...What happened to your hand?”

“Ahh, this? A little...incident in art therapy. One of the new inmates doesn't seem to be very fond of me because he stabbed my hand with a pencil when I reached across the table for the glue. He wasn't supposed to have a pencil. Heaven knows how he got ahold of one.” He smiles placidly, pointing to a spot on the palm of his hand. “Right about there. Most of the graphite was removed, but it does seem that some has been left behind. I am likely to have a small gray tattoo for the rest of my life.”

“Fascinating,” Estela deadpans. “Have they taken away your hairbrush yet?”

Father rolls his eyes. “Yes, my dear. Since you managed to find out about that, all my personal effects have been confiscated. I may only use what toiletries they provide me with now.”

“You should have realized it would only be a matter of time before we figured out it had gone missing. And considering it has a tracking device...”

It does not actually have a tracking device. And the project is so old that no one at Rourke International has paid attention to it in at least fifteen years. And of course, Father knows that. I am sure he has guessed by now how we knew of the hairbrush-phone. But I take a chance on the belief that he does not wish to get Lila into legal trouble for smuggling a phone into a prison.

“I will concede I did not expect it to last. But I was so unbearably bored.” He pauses, tipping his head slightly. “But enough about me. How are you, my dear children? How are all your friends?”

“They are fine,” Estela growls. “All very well. No thanks to you.”

He smiles, a knowing, unsettling smirk, and his eyes shift from Estela to me and back again. He pins his gaze on my sister. She sets her jaw, glaring back at him with the cold defiance of a warrior facing interrogation by a sadistic enemy. I shiver slightly, knowing that with her past it is all too likely she lived that exact scenario before. I realize that I've gone rigid in my seat. There is a contest of wills about to take place here. The fencer in me can practically see them taking up their guard positions, my father in posta di fenestra, my sister in posta di donna.

“I see that you found my...present.” He leans forward slightly. “...How is our dear Ms. Chandler?”

Estela's expression wavers just for an instant, and I suppress a grimace. This is what I was afraid of. He means to trick her into giving away something, just as she means to do to him. Honestly, I am not sure who will win here. I don't feel perfectly safe betting for or against either of them. A hydra against a dragon. One a megalomaniacal master of manipulation, the other a warrior with a will of iron.

“She is home,” Estela answers coldly. “With her family.”

“How lovely. A family. Mother, father...perhaps brothers and sisters, too. No...that's not right, is it.” He sighs mockingly. “Poor little orphan girl. Well...maybe not poor...”

Estela narrows her eyes. “And what do you know of it? You took her from her family for five years. We thought she was dead. We mourned her.”

“No, you didn't. You thought she was gone. You knew she wasn't dead.”

“We assumed you had killed her,” I counter.

“Kill a specimen as unique as she? Of course not!”

“You don't know the first thing about her!” Estela snarls.

“I know what she is.”

“You don't know her any more than you know your own children. Not even the one you crafted so carefully. When are you going to wake up and realize where you are, Rourke? You're rotting in a criminal asylum while the son you rejected is running your empire alongside the daughter you never knew you had! He has your throne, your kingdom...he even has a loving partner.” Estela's eyes narrow. “...You couldn't even keep my mother in love with you.”

I feel my eyes widen as Estela's blow visibly lands. Genuine hurt flashes across my father's face before anger rushes in to take its place.

“...Olivia came back to me,” he growls.

“To support me. Your daughter. ...She never even told you about me, did she. You didn't figure it out until after I was already there. Even after your wife was gone, my mother didn't want you in my life.”

I turn away, covering a smile with my hand. Estela may be hitting below the belt, but I can't help but enjoy it. I should not have underestimated her. Given the color of my father's face right now, she may actually be winning. But then he shakes his head, and a placid smile settles back onto his face. He turns his gaze onto me.

“...Aleister, my boy. ...How is my grandson?”

I stiffen, feeling the breath rush from my body. “He is...well.”

“It is quite a legacy he was born into. ...The heir to two international industrial empires. One of the few things you did right in your life, wedding and bedding Grace Hall. In the old days of kings and queens, treaties would be built on a union like yours.”

“I love her!”

“An added bonus for you, of course. You're like Victoria and Albert. But without the incest. Tell me, does the boy ever get to see his maternal grandmother?”

“That's hardly any business of yours, Father.”

“I think we've overstayed our welcome,” Estela says flatly. “I'm ready to go. How about you, Aleister?”

“...Yes. Yes, I quite agree.”

We go through the motions of a goodbye, and make sure we collect his hairbrush-phone from the warden. We're silent on the way to the car. It's not until we're on the road that Estela breaks the silence.

“So. What did we actually learn?”

I am quiet for a moment, considering. “...One thing is for certain, he doesn't think everything is lost.”

She nods. “You're right. We've seen him despairing. He still thinks he can succeed in his goal. Whatever that goal really is.”

I sigh, rubbing my chin absently. “...What if Lila wasn't his only contact on the outside?”

She frowns. “Who else do you think he could control like he controls her?”

“...I don't know. It's just...I have a very bad feeling that he still has more influence than we know.”

Tahira

Grayson never believed I was dead. He never let anyone at Prescott Industries believe I was, either. In the aftermath of the battle, he was vocal in his belief that I was among the missing, but I was surely alive. There were quite a few people unaccounted for, but all the bodies they found were identified fairly quickly, so it seemed plausible. Once he learned for sure that I was alive, the official story around Prescott Industries was that I had been severely injured, and I was taking an extended leave of absence to recover. He builds up my return for a few days, and I practice limping around Mom's apartment with the aid of a cane until I've perfected the just-barely-limping limp. When I get back to work, I'm greeted with warm welcomes, a few questions about how I'm feeling, but no one seems suspicious. Mostly, they're just relieved that I'm okay. Even Marjorie gives me an awkward hug and then pretends it never happened. And I pretend the gesture didn't make me teary-eyed.

I'm only back at work for a few days before Halloween weekend is upon us. I volunteered to help serve drinks at The Grand all weekend. Without any time to put a real costume together, I decide to go with the wench costume I wore to the Rennaissance Faire a couple years ago. It's about as authentic as such a costume can be. I tuck the linen shirt into the green brocade skirt, and pull on the brown overskirt. My mother is helping me lace up the corset when my phone buzzes with a text from Grayson, letting me know he's downstairs. Mom grins when she sees the text over my shoulder.

“You be careful with that boy, sweetie,” she teases. “It's always a risk to date your boss.”

I snort. “Come on, Mom. I've known Grayson since college. He was my friend before he was my boss.”

She kisses my cheek. “I trust you, baby. Have fun tonight. I know you're supposed to be working, but have fun, too.”

“I will. You gonna be okay alone for the evening?”

“Of course. I'll be passing out candy to all the tiny monsters in this building. And if one of them attacks me, my daughter's Dragonness, and I know how to reach her.” She hands me my backpack. “Supersuit's in here, keep your phone in there, too, and keep it near you all night. Understand?”

I grin. “Yes, Mom. Thank you.” I kiss her cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, baby girl.”

* * *

I have to laugh when I get downstairs and find Grayson standing outside the limo. He's dressed in an elegant pirate captain costume, complete with a velvet coat, tricorn hat, and a plastic cutlass. He grins when he sees me.

“Your mom told me what you were going as. I thought I'd make an effort to match.”

“Right. So, tonight I'm the plucky barmaid, and you're the handsome pirate who strolls into my seaside tavern looking for a tankard of ale.”

He laughs. “Roleplay. I like it. But alas, work awaits us. Shall we?”

He opens the door for me, and we slip into the car. As the partition rises between us and the driver, the limo glides away from the curb.

“Hey...how's your dad?”

His expression falls. “Mostly recovered. He'll be discharged soon. And then he goes under house arrest...”

I see his hand curl into a fist on his thigh. I reach over to cover his hand with mine.

“I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought it up.”

“No, it's okay. You have a right to know.” He sighs. “Especially in light of everything Aleister and Estela told us about Rourke trying to contact him.”

I frown. “Has he...mentioned anything about that?”

“Nothing. And I can't get it out of him, either. I...honestly can't get very much out of him on any subject.”

“...I'm sorry, Grayson.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “It isn't your fault. I just...want to enjoy myself this evening, spending time with the woman I love, basking in one of my greatest achievements.”

“So far.”

“What?”

I smile, slipping my arm through his. “One of your greatest achievements so far. With many more to come, I'm sure.”

* * *

The Grand is already getting busy by the time we arrive. Costumed patrons form a less-than-orderly line outside the door, where Kenji checks ID's, dressed as Indiana Jones.

“Are you acting bouncer this evening?” I call as Grayson and I head toward the staff entrance. “I thought Craig Hsiao was going to lend a hand?”

“Yeah, but he's coming with Zahra, and they won't be here for a couple hours. You two go on in, though. I got this covered.”

“I'll come lend a hand as soon as Tahira's set up behind the bar,” Grayson promises.

True to his word, Grayson makes sure I'm settled behind the bar before stepping out to help Kenji check ID's. I tuck the backpack with my phone and supersuit under the bar and pull on an apron. I've got help this evening, thankfully. Skyler, the guy Poppy dated for all of five minutes, is serving with me tonight. There's also a muscular blonde woman who looks to be in her late forties named Jenny, dressed in skinny jeans and a black tank top that shows off the exquisite sleeve tattoos that cover her shapely arms. For the next few hours, I get swept up in my work, taking orders, serving drinks, collecting tips. Zahra's band arrives and starts setting up, which seems to take awhile. It's while this is going on that I notice the patron in the Guy Fawkes mask at the end of the bar. The mask seems to be a half-hearted attempt at coming in costume, since besides that, he's dressed in ripped jeans and a gray sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head. Something in his manner sets off alarm bells. I check that my bag is in my line of sight and sidle down the bar toward him.

“Can I get you something, Fawkes?” I ask. “You got a week before you're supposed to blow up Parliment, want a drink in the meantime?”

“I'm also on the wrong continent,” Fawkes replies. “I'll take a beer, though. Whatever's on tap.”

His voice sets off a shiver of recognition, but I can't quite place it yet. I list his options, and he makes his choice. I fill a frosted mug and set it in front of him.

“That's six dollars.” He pulls a small wad of cash from the pocket of his hoodie and peels off a five and three ones.

“Keep the change for yourself, hero.” He wraps his fingers around the handle of the mug and pulls it toward him. “For the record, I wouldn't need gunpowder to take down a government.”

Even before he lifts his mask to take a gulp of his beer, I realize who I'm talking to. I lower my voice to a whisper.

“Caleb?! What the hell are you doing here?! I thought you'd left the city?”

“I did. And I'm not back in town for long. I'm just here to warn you.”

“Warn me of what?”

The guitarist on stage strums a loud chord that blasts out from the speakers and reverberates through the club, making me jump. Caleb glances at the stage, then jerks his head toward the door.

“Sounds like they're about to start, and I don't want to shout. You got a minute?”

I hesitate just a moment before grabbing my backpack and slipping out from behind the bar. Caleb gulps the rest of his beer and pulls down his mask, sliding off the stool. Outside, in the shadow of an alley beside the club, he lifts it up again. I look sidelong at him.

“You know, I'm not sure whether I should be surprised at your attire or not. On the one hand, a Guy Fawkes mask is...frankly predictable. On the other hand, that you would wear a costume on Halloween at all is honestly surprising.”

He scowls a little. “It's not a costume, it's just a mask. And I'm not really looking to be recognized.”

“So...what do I need to be warned about?”

“...Talos or Minuet mention to you where I've been since you vanished?”

“Vaguely. They said you were out in the sticks, running with some squatter gang.”

He snorts. “They're more than that. Started out as a bunch of strays and runaways, sure. Then Gigi got ahold of them.”

“And who's Gigi?”

“That's the question for the ages. What I know is she's a sadistic psychobitch who knows how to keep her gang scared and loyal. Some people got the natural talent for that. I didn't question it until I realized that something about her reminded me of Stonewall.”

“...Is she a superhuman, too?”

“Not as far as I know. She might be, though. She's never been exposed to the crystal, that much I know for sure, because she's said as much. What I was realizing lately is that she moves and thinks and acts like someone who's got...training. Kinda training Stonewall had.”

I almost ask what he means, but then I go quiet as a memory creeps into my brain. The morning of the gala that changed my life forever, I came into work and spoke to Santiago about the recent string of burglaries. The thieves, he said, probably had military training.

“...Military?”

He nods. “She's been talking a lot about the Prism Crystal lately. She always knew I'd been exposed and I'd gotten power from it, but it's only in the last couple weeks that she's really been interested in asking questions and getting answers. ...She let slip that she'd seen something like the Prism Crystal before.”

My blood sizzles a warning that I can't place yet. “Yeah...? Where?”

“In the Caribbean, five or six years ago. ...Talked about a jewel there called the Island's Heart.”

[sadbunnny-blog]

The desire to develop as well as broaden your horizons is something human being, as every person will love to be good at something. It is no different on the Counter Strike world. No one is going to deny that there is a few minutes in the lifetime of every player whereby he asks himself ways to get much better in CS:GO.

Introduction that will get much better In case you think that you're keen on one thing, you start to consider how to become the very best in this matter. And additionally there is nothing surprising in this because in the world we live the, rivalry, and in drive to rectify ability are commonplace.

There are numerous components which aid being good, a lot better and ultimately the very best (and it is not possible to foresee in advance what you are going to achieve on the CS:GO scene).

All depends on you - from your dedication and willingness and your in-game predispositions. Some people are just not made to play at the greatest amount and they may certainly not be in a position to relax as being a pro.

We have information which is excellent! Thankfully, you do not belong to this number because you have one crucial feature - you take action, i.e. you merely began searching for a way and for a fix on how you can play significantly better. This implies that you currently have a minimum of 1 element which not everyone has - willingness to be far better than the rest!

So why do you would like to be far better?

If you want to play much better, at the very beginning you have to ask yourself exactly why you would like to be better as well as precisely what playing at a more significant amount will give you.

Some would prefer to show up in front of the fellow workers of theirs and would like to stick the Global Elite to flaunt at school with CS:GO.

A number of people don't like to become the ultimate as well as give some thought to individual advancement in just about any field.

Others are obsessed with games as well as believe that profession as CS:GO pro are what they really want to do in life.

So what is your purpose?

Getting better at CS:GO begins with improving brain It may seem to be silly for you and you also are able to believe it or not, but there is a good deal of research regarding the influence of the subconscious as well as the mind on being successful and whether you'll be able to achieve something or maybe not.

In a nutshell, to be better in CS:GO, you should first improve the brain of yours!

Think like a pro We know… we are living in 2018 and things are done digitally, but getting up and running, have an ordinary piece of paper and also a pen in the hands of yours. At the really best of the newspaper, compose your nickname and also draw something beside it that in your opinion means' strength' - something such as a symbol or an indicator.

In the center, create "I should get much better because …" and draw arrows round this sentence. Every arrow is one particular reason you want to play significantly better.

Do not run, do not write anything without thinking first! Start the mind of yours and take into consideration the most critical reasons.

When you are done, read once more what you've created and also realize that this's just how a brand new chapter starts in the daily life of yours. This particular piece of cardboard doesn't have components significance, though it has a huge psychic value. You've to believe in us!

In case you have the ability, you are able to hang it on the wall behind the lcd screen, or simply just fold it and set it next to the keyboard.

Before each and every game and match up, take out the sheet of yours of paper and read a couple of instances what you wrote. Do identical at any time of anger or doubt - jump into the mind of yours the reason why you wish to be a lot better and why you deserve it!

Deal with CS:GO toxicity Another critical thing is focusing on yourself and also quit focusing on others. "Go leave, noob!", "Stop playing, u are incredibly bad", "WTF, get better, begin some dm" - sounds familiar?

Unfortunately, a big part of the Counter Strike neighborhood is very harmful and also be frank it's very difficult to transform, therefore you have to cut it all!

In order to improve your game, you simply have to focus the focus of yours on yourself, since you know that you're endeavoring to play better and you also do not need somebody to remind you of it.

No matter what happens, dismiss the words of others and don't advise them. They do not know you, that is why they start to judge you - men and women that are such don't possess the courage to evaluate pals in actual life, and for that reason they evaluate you throughout the prism of 1 action or fight to feel good.

In case you are able to concentrate on your objective (=becoming the best) but not on the views of others, you've accomplished half the accomplishment.

Every time a person can make an oversight, comfort him and forget it! If of the match for five consecutive rounds you will be thinking about a mistake that caused losing one round, you'll automatically get rid of the subsequent ones.

Consistently concentrate on what is in the moment, not on what occurred a few minutes earlier - you will not end up very good because of this, you won't turn time frame which is back, merely carpe diem! You are able to win every game if you just stop contemplating the past.

This doesn't imply, nonetheless, which you ought to completely overlook your mistakes. On the contrary! Begin drawing conclusions from what you do.

We will say far more - earn as many errors as likely, but hardly ever get used-to them! Constantly think what you should shift to in no way make a similar mistake two times. In this way, you get expertise, improve your game and start to be aware of tips on how to work much better and also a lot more effectively.

Try out harder to play advisable to end up being much better in CS:GO, you have to begin training hard. Even when you totally embrace the mind of yours and toss away negative feelings from it, you won't be the best player on the server.

You've to relax, play and once again play! You have to learn how you can shoot, how you can aim a lot better and begin to fully grasp the basics of the game.

It's feasible that you believe that this is probably the most difficult component of this post, which no person but skilled teams understands the way to contend with it. That is incorrect!

We live in the 21st century, where we've overwhelming access to other resources and information.

It need to be clearly stated that a vital principle in becoming much better is to never squander time. You can train a month, half per year or maybe two years and do not reach a very high level or maybe fall a lot less. What this means is that the way of yours of instruction and also approach was terrible, and you also simply lost time.

Do not worry in case you don't understand how to effectively practice to have the ability to relax at the highest degree. Everyone began from nothing, & we're here to support you!

The history of ours with Counter-Strike started a dozen years back - nevertheless in CS 1.6. We have dedicated the last 3 decades to this project and also invented training plans, which have been used by a large number of thousands of Counter-Strike players (and this particular amount is still growing).

We've constantly wanted to alter the earth for the greater, which project is a brick in pursuit of this goal.

[tselane2017-blog]

The desire to create as well as grow the horizons of yours is something man, as every person will like to be great at something. It's simply no different on the Counter Strike world. No one will deny that there's some time in the life of each player whereby he asks himself ways to get superior in CS:GO.

Release that will get better If you feel that you're considering something, you get started to consider the right way to turn into the best in this matter. And there's practically nothing surprising in this since in the world we live the, rivalry, and in desire to improve skill are commonplace.

There are various factors that help becoming great, much better and ultimately the best (and it's not possible to foresee in advance what you will achieve on the CS:GO scene).

All depends on you - from your readiness and commitment and your in-game predispositions. Some folks are not made playing at the greatest level and they also might certainly not be equipped to play as being a pro.

We have information that is great ! Luckily, you don't belong to this particular number because you've it crucial aspect - you act, i.e. you merely began trying to find a way and for a simple solution on how you can play significantly better. This signifies that you already have no less than 1 element that not everyone has - readiness to be better compared to the rest!

Why is it that you wish to become much better?

In case you want to play better, at the very beginning you have to think about why you would like to be better and also just what playing at a greater amount will give you.

Some would like to show up in front of the colleagues of theirs and want to stick the Global Elite to exhibit at college with colossalcheats.

A number of people do not love to be the last as well as think of personal development of any field.

Others are passionate about video games and also think that career as CS:GO pro are what they really want to do in life.

So what's your purpose?

Becoming even better at CS:GO starts off with improving mind It might seem absurd to help you and you also can surprisingly, but there is a great deal of investigation regarding the impact of the subconscious together with the head on success & whether you are able to accomplish a thing or maybe not.

Simply speaking, to end up being a lot better in CS:GO, you must primarily improve the mind of yours!

Think like a pro We know… we are living in 2018 and things are done electronically, but getting going, take a regular notepad along with a dog pen in your hands. At the very top of the paper, write the nickname of yours and draw something alongside it that in the opinion of yours means' strength' - something like a symbol or a sign.

In the center, create "I want to get much better because …" as well as draw arrows around this sentence. Each arrow is one reason you wish to play much better.

Do not rush, do not create something without wondering initially! Open up your mind and think about the most crucial factors.

When you are ready, read once again what you have created and also understand that this is how a whole new chapter starts in the daily life of yours. This piece of paper does not have any material worth, though it's a major psychic worth. You've to believe in us!

In case you've the option, you are able to hang it on the wall behind the computer monitor, or simply fold it and place it following on the keyboard.

Before each and every game and fight, pull out the sheet of yours of paper and read a few instances what you wrote. Do the same at every moment of anger or question - get into the head of yours the reason why you wish to be a lot better and the reason why you should have it!

Deal with CS:GO toxicity Another important factor is to focus on yourself as well as stop looking at others. "Go leave, noob!", "Stop playing, u can be extremely bad", get better, "WTF, begin some dm" - sounds familiar?

Regrettably, a sizable section of the Counter Strike group is extremely poisonous and also be honest it's difficult to change, hence you've to cut it off!

To improve your game, you simply should direct your focus on yourself, since you realize that you are endeavoring to play better and you also don't need someone to remind you of it.

Whatever happens, ignore the words of others and don't suggest them. They don't know you, that's precisely why they begin to determine you - men and women that are such do not possess the courage to assess buddies in life which is real, and for that reason they evaluate you through the prism of 1 motion or perhaps fight to feel much better.

If you are able to concentrate on the goal of yours (=becoming probably the best) but not on the views of others, you have achieved 50 percent the achievement.

Every single period of time a person can make a miscalculation, comfort him and also forget about it! In case during the match for 5 consecutive rounds you will be pondering about a mistake that prompted shedding 1 round, you will instantly get rid of the next people.

Always focus on what is at the moment, not on what took place a few minutes earlier - you will not end up very good thanks to this specific, you won't turn time frame which is back, merely carpe diem! You can get every game in case you quit contemplating the past.

This does not suggest, nevertheless, that you ought to absolutely overlook the mistakes of yours. On the contrary! Begin drawing conclusions at whatever you do.

We will say a lot more - earn as many errors as possible, but never ever be used-to them! Constantly think what you should switch to in no way make the same mistake twice. In this way, you get expertise, improve the game of yours and start to recognize how you can work better and more effectively.

Have a shot at harder to play advisable to end up being better in CS:GO, you have to begin training difficult. Also when you fully embrace the mind of yours and toss away negative views from it, you won't be the top player on the server.

You have to play, have fun and once more play! You have to understand how to shoot, how you can aim a lot better and begin to fully grasp the basic principles of the game.

It is feasible that you think that this's likely the most difficult element of this report, and that no person but professional teams is aware of how to deal with it. That is inaccurate!

We are now living in the 21st century, in which we have enormous admission to other resources and information.

It must be clearly stated that an important concept in starting to be a lot better is to not squander time. You can teach a month, half a year or maybe 2 years and don't get to a top level and even fall even lower. This means that the way of yours of coaching and also approach was terrible, and also you simply lost time.

Don't worry in case you do not know the best way to efficiently practice to find a way to have fun at the greatest degree. Everybody started from zero, & we're here to help you!

Our profile with Counter Strike began a dozen years back - still in CS 1.6. We've devoted the last three decades to this task and created training plans, that happened to be used by a large number of a huge number of Counter Strike players (and this number remains growing).

We've usually planned to alter the earth for the greater, and this project is a brick in pursuit of this target.

[its8simplejulesblog]

As I Write This

My laptop is on my lap and my feet are crossed on my brilliantly teal blue yoga mat. I often think about what in my right mind made me interested in ever starting yoga but I’ve found in life that there are some things that don’t need to be explained. I had an interest in pursuing it and I did, it’s as simple as that. I didn’t, however, ever think it would turn into what it has turned into today. 

When I tell you that I practice yoga what do you immediately think of? I know initially for me I thought essentially of vsco girl contortionists which, unfortunately for me, did not match my vibe. I am neither flexible nor necessarily affluent and aesthetically pleasing. In fact, I still can’t touch my toes (September 6th update: I can touch my toes now! Vsco girl here I come). I thought of entitled white women that rattled on about manifestation and things that truthfully sound like a load of garbage. However, I went in with an open mind and that’s all you must do. Your practice is entirely selfish in the best way. It is about you and only you and your metaphysical connection with yourself. 

So what does that look like? Well I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t look like a pretzel all of the time..if ever. In fact, the important part about yoga is that it is equally a connection between mind and body. It is you talking with yourself and quieting your mind and if that takes you touching your feet to your head then fine, but that’s not the case for me. Quite simply, yoga and meditation take the form of acknowledging your consciousness. There is often the misconception that you have to meditate only in utter silence sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed. That’s not true. I know people that are most appreciative out in nature, and they meditate while walking. Some mediate while playing sports or playing the guitar and laying down on a carpet. The importance is that you take the time to recognize and prioritize the thing that makes you most content. 

In the heart of my minds eye (Julia wtf..why are you speaking like this) I see yoga and meditation as voluntary gratitude. This is something that I really came to define as my personal practice. This is why I enjoy and look forward to yoga and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether I can touch my toes or not. As my own personal definition, I recognize yoga as experiencing and accepting the world exactly as it is and this often begins with the metaphysical, rather than the physical. 

In everything that we do, we can direct our thoughts. Whether you currently think so or not, your body will never feel good if you don’t mentally feel good. I know a lot of people that use the excuse/ example of saying, “well when you get sick your body deteriorates and because your body deteriorates you have to stay inside and because you have to stay inside you can get sad and depressed.” To which I would argue that never in a thousand years would I say that being sick in and of itself causes me to be more sad than I already might have been. If anything, it just highlights whatever negativity was already there. 

Our bodies are representations of the internal, not the other way around. I believe this is why I find psychology and sociology so intriguing, and are frustrated when it is refuted and defined as a “fake science.” In my eyes, empirical science is only half of the story. I know that while data is important (I DO always gush about statistics after all) inquisitive research means even more. In our minds we are all different. We experience the exact same situation differently, we react to them differently, this is something that could never be empirically explained and to that I revere the scientists that are denied credibility solely because they cannot produce equations on paper. 

If you’re a close friend of mine you’d know that I’ve been struggling with my self worth recently. This manifests itself in my constant requests for confirmation that my friends are not bored of me and that I’m still interesting and worthwhile. This feeling is like a groundhog because as quickly and passionately as it pops up it will go away and I continue with my life, but that’s the thing about the subconscious, it doesn’t “go away”. When Punxsutawney Phil announces the coming of the next season he doesn’t just pop underground and cease to exist. Every single thing that we worry about is housed in ego and as our egos like to title themselves our “identity” you can’t shut that up and suddenly become a shell of a (wo)man. 

For that very reason, I’ve come to adore the job that I do as a social policy research assistant. At it’s very core is the act of interviewing those that you would never even THINK you had anything in common with. The project I’m currently working with is with the elderly and disabled, two things I’d pretty confidently claim I am not. And yet, constantly their words set of alarms in my mind. Not a warning bell, not a “get the hell out of there it’s going to suck to be old” bell either, but moreso, a glimpse into all that life has to offer in the most inspirational way. 

Yesterday I was speaking to the kindest woman I have ever spoken to. She was orphaned at 17 and her mother had died of cancer and she had been suffering from a disability to the point where she is currently homebound at the age of 57. Was this disheartening Yes, but what did we talk about? We talked about the fact that she had multicolored crystal prisms all over her house. We talked about the fact that whenever she was depressed she reminded herself that everything she was feeling was temporary and she would see color again soon. We talked about how because of all the things she had been through she developed a passion for service through the mother of her ex-boyfriend who took her in and forced her to carry on. We talked about how she was proud of me and thought I was perfect for this inquisitive role (remember I have never met this woman) and should continue on being curious and kind as I have so much life ahead of me. This is what meditation is all about. You don’t have to sit in silence, but rather reflect on what the world around you means. 

She told me she wanted to give me a prism :) 

I mediate through reading. My entire LIFE books have been healing for me. I have found that I look forward to being in my own head and learning constantly learning about anything and everything because every book, in its own way, is applicable to life. And its for that reason, when my dad and I walked into 2nd and Charles the other day, that I had this urge to look for “Eat, Pray, Love,” by Elizabeth Gilbert. To be truthfully honest, I had seen a tik tok about it about a week before, that was kind of like a parody for the movie trailer and for some reason it stuck with me to the point where an entire week later I was roaming the aisles for this book. 

If you didn’t know, 2nd and Charles is a second-hand book store so there is never any guarantee that something you’re looking for is there. In fact, I had been roaming for about as long as my impatient temperament could take when I turned around by accident and there it was on the tippy top of the shelf behind me. I couldn’t tell you what drove me to grab this book at this exact time in my life, but I have never been more thankful for a book in my entire life. 

Elizabeth Gilbert simultaneously writes like God and your older sister. Her language is divine and it rocks you from the very essence of your soul but she’ll also talk about how much sex she’s had and how bloated she was after eating more pasta than anyone should ever eat and how she didn’t give a fuck. And, I don’t do this often, but I found myself repeatedly stopping to type quotes in a note on my phone. If you haven’t yet heard of it (I’d be surprised) but “Eat, Pray, Love” is about a woman in her mid thirties who lived the ideal life in New York but ended up going through a nasty divorce with her husband and went through a complicated affair after the fact. 

I think that a lot of people misjudge this book as being equivalent to a rom-com like cringey love affair of superfluous nonsense and un relatable emotional sentiments. That couldn’t be further from the truth. This book was raw. She is often sobbing on her bathroom floor or crushed with suicidal depression. She is infinitely lonely and feels so small and it is nothing short of a mirror into all of our lives at some point. She goes to the countries to work herself out of this nightmare after a notably horrible episode on her bathroom floor where she finally admits to herself that she refuses to live her current life anymore. In Italy, India, and Indonesia she details her experiences in the pursuit of pleasure, devotion, and balance of a means of essentially finding her purpose. 

When I say pleasure, you’ll probably think of Rome and romance and sex and pretty people. Those things definitely weren’t absent in her description (Except the sex because she decided to remain celibate for the year), but her pleasure presented itself in the most genuine form. Through her appreciation and slow consumption of good food, her slow meander through Italian architecture, her sunset discussions with new friends. These are things all the more important to being content. 

I personally enjoyed her description of India the most as it brought me back to my experience with yoga and the individualized nature of the practice. Liz studied at an Ashram (a religious temple) under a guru for multiple months. It is at first torturous for her to find the the faith and courage to let herself go to some divinity that is not tangibly seen but she so acutely describes how important it is to quiet your mind to the chaos of the world. Once you do so, you really realize the lack of weight it ACTUALLY has on your life. This means that the way you perceive your situation will dramatically change the way you act and feel and treat others, something I have constantly been repeating in my other posts. Similarly, one of my favorite aspects of this section is her description of religion not as a border of political and historical idol complexes of rules and punishments, but a thin golden thread woven together with hundreds of other thought processes to form a spiritual connection between self and the divine. 

In Indonesia she balances the two through helping others. I won’t go too much into detail but everything is so perfectly combined. So much so that I have tenfold more a desire to go to these three places than anywhere I might have mentioned before in my discussions of travel now. 

In reading her words, she mad me cry and compose myself only to cry even more. That’s the beauty of a book that is so well renown, yet applies to every reader’s individual experience. I felt like she was addressing me directly. I really felt like someone or something was speaking through her directly to Julia Larock and I have read plenty of books and have never once felt like that. Specifically, here are a few quotes that really punched me in the face: 

“There are only two questions that human beings have fought over, all through history: How much do you love me? and Who is in charge?” 

“Vipassana meditation teaches that grief and nuisance are inevitable in this life, but if you can plant yourself in stillness long enough, you will, in time, experience the truth that everything (both uncomfortable and lovely) will pass”

“How do the survivors of terminated relationships ever endure the pain of unfinished business? From that place of meditation, I found the answer- you can finish it yourself, from within yourself. It’s not only possible, it’s essential”

And so as I finished inhaling her words after hours and hours of reading today I decided to try a new kind of yoga. Not that I had been doing it incorrectly before, but I wanted to focus my meditation more on gratitude. So I rolled out my mat and put on my meditation music playlist on spotify (don’t make fun of me it’s a real thing and it will change your life) and just sat. I originally tried to close my eyes, but that actually distracted me more so I kept them open (that’s the thing about meditation, you just do whatever works for you) And this time I actually let my mind wander, but only to a positive place. A place of thankfulness and peace. A place where every negative aspect of my life still existed, and I let it enter my mind, but it never once turned into the chaotic anger that it once was, the shame was there but I controlled it, the hurt arrived but it was nothing compared to what else I saw. 

I saw Ryan giving me the longest hug of my life while I sobbed in the West Chester parking lot, I saw my mom stroking my hair while I sat on her lap and told her about my day, I saw my brother and I playing rock band and taking it way too seriously, I saw my Disney roommates and I celebrating Christmas together, I saw Steven and I discussing how similar we are, I saw myself walking hand and hand with some of the young children I met on the dirt roads after church in the Dominican Republic, I saw Lauren and Steph and I screaming when we saw each other in the Longwood parking lot, I saw walking on the boardwalk with Lauren and Amanda scaring me from behind, I saw myself playing golf with Graham and Cameron, I saw myself having photoshoots with Jaelyn, I saw myself handing out drinks to Brewed customers that wanted nothing more than to tell me their entire life stories, I saw all my robotics friends supporting each other at competitions, I saw all of my fellow TFA interns drunk at our staff social (oops ;) hehe ) I saw my dad telling me he was proud of me, I saw Zach taking care of me even though we just met, I saw the hoards and hoards of kids in China writing me love letters and calling me a Disney princess, I saw the zoo in Australia where we took little Ethan for the first time, I saw Eloise telling me she was pregnant and I could be an aunt to her daughter, I saw my cousin Genevieve telling me that she wanted me to come to Cape Charles with her family because “whenever you’re with us the vibes are good.” 

And I literally just sat there and cried. 

Maybe it would have been a little bit eerie if anyone walked into my room, but it was a silent cry. I wasn’t sobbing or dramatic or weepy, there were just tears, because there was so many thoughts flashing in my mind and I probably only sat there for 15 minutes. And towards the end, over top of it all, I kept hearing the words “I’m speaking to you.” It was kind of like a mantra because I heard it in my own voice, but it wasn’t necessarily coming from just me. It was like in my own voice I hear, “I’m speaking to you, I believe you, this love that you see in these memories, hold onto that because this is all I want for you.” 

And that’s all I want for me too, and for everyone really. Because at the end of the day when we better ourselves we better everyone. 

When I finally dragged myself off the mat I picked up my phone for the first time in a few hours today. There was a text there from Casey, who is the youth group pastor with the group I used to be apart of at UD. He told me that he was thinking of facilitating a mental health support group this fall and he wanted me to advocate for it and be a part of spreading the word about it because I’ve been blessed with so many connections. What a situationally ironic time for a text like that, after just sitting in gratitude for those in my life. I told him that I’d absolutely love to be a part of that and now here I am, writing this. 

I’m not going to try to be disgusting and poetic and say that my life is changed and nothing will ever be the same. I’m positive I’ll still get upset and angry about the same things in my life. The difference though is that I don’t see that as an impenetrable barrier, but more like a hurdle where all you need to do is put some pressure on yourself to get yourself in the air. 

And once I’m in the air I’ll bring out the prism that was just given to me and it’ll create color.