#subaru sumegari

[mairyuu]

HC: At some point during his lowest moment of his life, 16 year old Subaru met Kamui, who was still 6 years old at the time. Kamui did a small act of kindness for Subaru, be it a mere pat on the head or shoulder, an encouragement and/or a reassurance, an offer for an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean/cry on, etc. It was nothing for the future potential savior/destroyer of the Earth, but for the onmyōji, it was a gesture he shall never forget...

YES! And if you don't mind me...

Post TB, angst, mostly Subaru-centric. I'll tag this as subkam but there's obviously nothing romantic going on between them in this one shot as Subaru is 16 and Kamui 6.

It's been a month since her death.

Nothing was getting better. Subaru wished he could say it wasn't getting worse either and stand behind his words; but he couldn't. Life after her just was. Neither vibrant nor tearful. Neither fiery nor blue. Just empty, lonliness so consuming that it numbed him to the point where he couldn't even feel a thing. No outlet, no emotions, no tears - just gaping void where heart used to be, just painful reminder that he's alive when he ought not to be; when his twin sister wasn't. Just regret on top of regret.

And a wish. No - a goal, reason for being. He'll find that man, even if he wastes all his life trying. Subaru had no qualms about that after all, with her death all his dreams died too. It almost felt wrong, wicked even, to try to actually live without her there. No, he could never permit himself that luxury. Mere thought of that evoke something akin to guilt yet emotion was felt from inside of glass ball; distant and distorted, far cry of intensity emotions should be felt with.

In that manner, Subaru wished he could break down sometimes; wished he could snap and destroy something; wished he could seize a goal that's not within reach. He gripped swing's rope to the point where palm ached as in amendment. Would it be too much for me to wish for an outlet? Do I even have the right to ease my own distress?

But it wasn't to say he felt nothing, far from it. If anything, today's case served as a reminder that he's still not able to separate pain of others from very own. Yes at surface level perhaps, but at very core? Not at all. Bitter pill to swallow, but denying it would only bode for more mental torment of uneasy heart and restless mind; always wandering where it ought to not go, thoughts never kept at bay.

Ghost of middle age woman was wandering through busy streets of Ginza and causing mayhem. Should have been an easy job: talk to her, resolve what was tying her to living realm after death and let her move on. Nonetheless case went astray. As it turned out, she was shot by her ex son-in-law while shielding her daughter; only wish of hers was to protect her, no matter the cost. I don't have regrets about that, if I return to past a thousand times I'll trade my life for hers every time. Only wish left to make sure her daughter was doing alright. Subaru assumed it'll be an easy feat; guide her to her daughter, let woman see she's fine and then she'll move on.

Except she wasn't fine. Ghost of her mother became upset and caused serious spiritual upheaval as result; all involuntarily of course, but there was no other - Subaru had to banish her from physical realm.

But he couldn't banish the memory haunting within mind's cage. Neither of that encounter, neither of what happened two months ago. He opted for lesser of two evils, decided to ruminate about that family's tragedy instead of his own for once. Such senseless preventable tragedy; perhaps exactly that is additional layer of tragedy to them. She died protecting her loved one; died as sacrifice noone asked of her to make. Much like his si - no, don't go there. Subaru exhaled raggedly as to ground himself in a moment; yet to no avail for racing thoughts are never kept at bay, especially not when something reminded him of her. Or even worse, that man.

Unfortunately it often did; Subaru couldn't pinpoint if he was merely projecting or city of Tokyo was so rotten to the core that tragedies were as common as sunrises. Chest tightened but no blues emerged; he was numb at very core. Angry and devastated yes, but dissociated nonetheless. His hands itched for something to grab on and concentrate on. He wished for an outlet, to finally break down and let emotions pour out of him until there was nothing left but a trully empty shell. Be it tears or uncomfortable fury, Subaru couldn't care less for both filled him from within but he couldn't actually feel them. Guilt and remorse were mostly reserved for her. Scorching anger only for that one person.

Why are you crying? Tragedies like this happen every day in Tokyo. Shut up. Like you ever cared about anything but yourself.

Breaking a glass cup, breaking your arm like this, what's the difference? Shut up.

You're an object of no importance. Damn you for poking into wounds of my already nonexistent self-esteem.

You're so kind. And you used that.

Subaru-kun, I lo- no you don't, you lying bastard. I hate you so so mu-

"Excuse me, you're hurting yourself"

Soft voice snapped Subaru out of his irritation and musings; he looked to the right and saw a kid - little boy in shorts and oversized jacket, no older than six or seven. Cute kid, that much was discernable by one glance, nonetheless something about his eyes rooted Subaru on the spot. No, not just unusual blend of bluish and purplish shades but intensity of that gaze - gave impression of piercing through one's facade into very soul.

"Please don't hurt yourself", child repeated and paced closer to him. Whatever do you mean, Subaru wanted to ask but only then did he realize - he's been punching swing's metal construction the entire time; fist wasn't bleeding but it indeed appeared sore red, even in night's darkness. How did he dissociate so much not to realize what he's been doing, Subaru had no clue. Nevertheless, if he possessed any more sense of self-worth he might have found will in himself to be alarmed by this discovery; but he simply didn't care what became of him. As long as he's strong enough to fulfill wish for revenge.

Kid paced further towards him; came to halt only when he was within arm reach. Innate kindness held its roots, Subaru felt he needed to offer something back.

"...you shouldn't be taking to strangers", he uttered at last. Perhaps noone had told this boy not to do that?

Boy seemed puzzled for a heartbeat, almost conflicted. "Oh... but I trust you!", kid answered cheerfully, eyes shining with inquisitiveness and joy. Perhaps this is how my own glinted a lifetime ago. Not to rain on anyone's parade but some cautionary tales had to be told.

"You shouldn't do that either". Like I shouldn't have. At Subaru's words boy appeared almost hurt, like he wasn't expecting such dismissive answer; rather distancing one indeed but meaning did hold as true, especially in cities ruthless and uncaring like Tokyo. Thin was the line between sheep and wolf in its clothing.

Boy's eyes glinted like he was about to cry. Before he was even aware of his own actions, Subaru reached forwards and cupped his cheek; maybe instinct to comfort those in need still held root deeply within his very soul; or maybe there was something special about the boy for Subaru couldn't shake off the feeling of uniqueness and silent power radiating from small being in front of him.

Boy seemed surprised at gesture but not startled; also no tears emerged on eyes' corners but he did strike as saddened and puzzled. It couldn't be helped, no child could or should ever understand remore and guilt he's undergoing thought; especially not on personal level.

"But there's something in your eyes. I can tell you're a kind person"

Same instant Subaru's pupils dilated and breath hitched up in throat. No, he wasn't expecting to hear that from anyone, let alone a child; they weren't prone to lying like adults were. Subaru felt his lips fall into flat line; eyes became downcast and doleful expression overtook his features; no point to even try pretending, something about this child told him he'd be seen right through.

Boy appeared hesitant, almost apprehensive for a moment. Briefly Subaru contemplated what brought such change. One unsure look to side, then boy clearned his throat and finally asked - "What hurt you so much?"

My own naivety.

"Some things in past", Subaru replied ambiguously and immediately continued as to prevent child from probing any further into his unhealed wounds- "I appreciate the concern but I really don't care if I hurt myself"

Alright, maybe he shouldn't have confessed the last part but he couldn't find it in himself to hold that self-deprecating statement back. Before he could ruminate on whys and therefores, Subaru felt his hand being squeezed into tender hold. Boy cupped his larger hand with both tiny palms of his; despite coldness of night, his hands felt warm.

"But... what about those that love you?"

"...there's no such person. Not anymore at least", Subaru offered back distantly, almost like on autopilot. No... he couldn't think about that at the moment, not when mere thought of her hurt like arrow through the heart. Everything ached, body and soul. Subaru looked to side, expecting boy to drop the subject as it was way beyond mental capabilities of little kid.

He didn't.

"If you're hurting, they'll be hurting too!", kid yelled a bit too loudly. Subaru flinched, but it wasn't because of volume or kid's high pitched tone - but because of epiphany befalling onto him. If his sist - if Hokuto could see him wallowing in regret and self-blame to the point of neglecting own identity and self, how guilty would she feel? What would she say? Would she break down and weep for both their fates? She was gone of course - dead. But Subaru couldn't help but wonder how she'd react; in that very second it felt like she was still alive, still with him and giving him something to look forward to when waking up next day. Nee-chan, I'm so sorry, would you ever forgive me for not forgiving myself?

"I know how it feels when - ah there's my mom", kid began then halted in speech once be spotted older female dozen of meters away. He broke both tender caress and hand hold, then began jogging in direction of park's exit. "I'm sorry for bothering you but even if I don't know you I felt bad for seeing someone as kind as you suffer"

No, I'm not kind. I don't deserve your sympathy and support, Subaru wanted to protest to those encouraging words but all that left his lips was - "Wait!"

He bolted up from swing, reached forwards with one arm but didn't try to chase after the boy; why so, Subaru had no clue. Perhaps something from within just resonated to him, akin to inner calling but Subaru couldn't put mark on exact source of that sixth sense feeling.

Boy gazed back at him for a second and waved - "I hope we'll meet again. Goodbye for now!"

Then dissapeared from eyesight.

Subaru stared into vacancy for a minute or two. Then mental exhaustion kicked in; he collapsed back on swing.

He failed her.

He failed himself too, but that one was long established that night in hospital when his childhood innocence ended. But at the mere thought of falling his sister who traded life for his so he could live, and here he was surviving day after day, it was... Subaru felt something wet falling onto his palms. Reaching up with fingertip he traced it up his cheek and -

He was crying.

When realization settled in, so did the uncontrollable tears. Letting out a wail, Subaru lowered head into both palms and wept. Sobbed like a soul that hasn't for years; it has been mere months but anguish and tragedy he has undergone through felt like burden worth decades and decades. Tear after tear slid down face, Subaru neither could nor wanted to stop this outlet of repressed emotions: remorse, guilt, self-blame, anger, sadness, desolation, lonliness, hatred and oh so more - world seen in monochrome ever since both he loved left him, but now Subaru experienced it in color of emotions once again; overwhelming and almost terrifying yes, but after weeks and weeks of living in void of utter lonliness, more than desirable change.

Subaru didn't know how much time had passed when he returned to himself. Thankfully it was still dark outside. Mind vacant for once, no reminders of past's tragedies nor fury at future revenge schemes. Just himself locked with an empty moment of catharsis. Yet still, Subaru couldn't help but recall that little boy that triggered it, along with his unique powers and piercing eyes.

I don't even know your name but somehow when you said we'll meet again I felt like those words were fated. Perhaps I only wish them to be but if we really do then I'll be able to finally thank you.

If they ever meet again, Subaru would make sure he hear those words.

[yure-chan]

[delicioussshame]

Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.), then tag ten people.

So I was tagged by @autumn-worm (Thanks!) so have some of my favorite characters.

Spoilers warnings: I am an old.

1. Shen Yuan - The Scum Villain’s Self Serving Scum

I can already hear the gasps of surprise. Like no one figured that one from the fact that 90% of my fics is from his point of view. Shen Yuan is just really easy to like? I deeply sympathise with his desire to just have an easy life, okay? And his general geekiness, his love of rationally and his general failing at communication.

2. Kuroko Tetsuya - Kuroko no Basuke

Let’s knock the other obvious pick of the list if you’ve been following me for a while, or, you know, have looked at my theme and avatar. Kuroko’s desire to knock sense into the idiots he keeps surrounding himself with speaks to me. I love his devotion, his single mindedness, his shounen protagonist-ness.

And his (ex-)boyfriend. AoKuro forever.

3. Felix Harrowgate - Doctrine of Labyrinths

Cheers for not super well-known English language... I’m not going to call it gay romance, because the idea of DoL being a romance is ridiculous to the extreme, but it figures lgbt characters and is very much not for everyone. So is Felix, by the way, but even if he is one of the most fundamentally unpleasant main characters I have ever read about, I love him intensely. His personality makes perfect sense considering all the trauma he went through and I just want him to learn to love himself and be happy! (Yeah, I’m shooting for the moon, sue me.)

4. Miles Vorkosigan - The Vorkosigan Saga

I defy anyone to read The Vorkosigan Saga and not get somewhat fond of Miles. I dare you. I have issues with the series, but Miles is great and I love him and I wish I had a tenth of his strength and wits.

5. Albus Dumbledore - Harry Potter (The original books only)

Divisive choice, I know. I was one of those that grew up with Harry Potter, starting the books before the movies came out, and Albus Dumbledore was comforting as a child. As I grew up, he became more complex. The seventh book finally gave me an Harry Potter OTP. I know it’s not considered a good move anymore, but nothing could replace the feeling when JK (who has issues, no question here) validated the ship. My ship became canon! Priceless.

6. Zack Fair - Final Fantasy VII

Is Zack almost 100% a creation of fandom? Yes, definitely. Does it make him less awesome? No, sorry, Zack is great.

7. Kikuhiko/Bon/Yakumo - Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu

You can grab his lonely, lonely self from my cold dead hands. Everyone, watch Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu. Now. You won’t regret it.

8. Griffith - Berserk

Fucking Griffith man, fucking Griffith. He’s a monster, but a fascinating one. Love Guts too. This manga is just... I just hope Miura finishes it before he dies.

9. Hazama Masayoshi - Samurai Flamenco

My son. Please continue to be your ridiculous, naive, heroic self all your life. And please, please get that cellphone away from Gotou. Love, me. RIP Manglobe.

10. Sumegari Subaru - Tokyo Babylon/X

Why do I love sad, lonely characters so much? Tragedy, tragedy is where it’s at. Who can resist Subaru’s hopelessly doomed relationship with his too old catfishing love interest who kills people? Sacrifices upon sacrifices until there’s almost nothing left, and he still manages to be kind to Kamui and do what’s right, in a way.

11. Bonus: The whole cast of Chihayafuru.

Yes.

And no, I’m an asocial jerk who can count her mutuals on her fingers, especially on this account, so consider yourself tagged if you want to.

[mairyuu]

subkam + 136

Set somewhere during X timeline. Kamui falls victim to his own teenager hormones.

Since NSFW, undercut. Around 1.7k

136 - “don’t cover you’re face, i want to see you”

They were finally going to do it.

Kamui still couldn’t discern if this was reality or yet another one of his fever dreams. Warmth of Subaru’s body against his felt real however; firmness of hands gripping his waist felt tangible too. Lowering lips down on his, Subaru kissed him ardently; melting into firm yet tender contact, Kamui reciprocated in a heartbeat; desired this passion for oh so long, with this one special person. Kamui felt bold enough to entangle fingers through Subaru’s hair and coax him into deepening the kiss; with a groan, Subaru obeyed wordless demand.

Their relationship started month or two prior. In spur of a moment Kamui blunted out love confession and there was no way of taking it back. Subaru initially insisted someone as ‘sick-hearted’ as him couldn’t possibly be a good dating choice, but with little persuasion he decided to give whole ordeal a chance since he couldn’t exactly say he felt nothing for Kamui. Since then they’ve had fair share of ups and downs, but eventually managed to get into stable relationship. Kisses and cuddles were immediately established but this scorching desire and ardency? It came in time as it was uncharted territory for both of them; Kamui was slightly surprised by it, but Subaru has exact amount of experience as he did: none.

Not the first time they were intimate, but the their first private time in bedroom after Subaru agreed they could go all the way. Sometimes his boyfriend was too cautious and considerate with him, Kamui reflected; after all, it took him close to a week to convince Subaru he wasn’t too young for sex and that he was certain he longed for it. Stolen glances and implicit flirting from hour ago turned into frisky sparks and subdued desire; when it reached its culmination, they couldn’t tear hands off each other, hence kissed their way into Kamui’s bedroom.

Little by little Kamui stepped backwards; feeling back of knees hit bed-frame, Kamui broke the kiss and let himself topple backwards; mattress felt cushiony, yielded under weight. Subaru climbed on all fours above him; instead of going for lips, he places kisses along jaw. Arching back from sheets, Kamui wrapped arms around Subaru’s frame to encourage him. Heat already scorched through body, arousal already flowing through bloodstream.

“Is this fine?”, Subaru asked into his neck; stilled all movements and waited for response.

“Yes please”, Kamui breathed out and waited for Subaru to continue; butterfly kiss over pulse, then a sensual lick. There was no withholding that moan.

Oh how flushed his face was, Kamui thought he might pass out; and that was not even mentioning how hot his body felt. There was no negating how hard he got from this little pet play, no way Subaru didn’t notice his state of affectedness; thankfully didn’t comment on it. Subaru opened lips and sucked on one spot on neck; Kamui snapped eyes shut and mewled. Laps of tongue and pressure of lips both tickled and enticed, he felt his cock pulse within underwear.

Subaru’s hands wandered up and down his chest, almost as silently asking for permission; so unnecessary but considerate; very typical of Subaru. Under any other circumstances Kamui would cherish the gentleness; but now when his pants felt too tight and he desperately itched for more friction, Kamui considered it a drawback.

“Undress me”, Kamui pleaded breathlessly.

Same instant Subaru pulled away from his neck and gazed down directly into eyes. Such unique green color, Kamui couldn’t help being mesmerized by seeing them clouded with lust for the first time.

“Are you sure you -”

Kamui interrupted him by wrapping hands around nape and pulling into brief kiss; it ended in same breath it started. Subaru lowered forehead over his, laid on forearms and barricaded him; their breaths merged, Kamui had nowhere to look but in Subaru’s eyes; desire in them palpable, echo of his own. Despite doing more physical things before, this position felt oddly intimate; if it wasn’t for throbbing arousal inside his pants, Kamui would want it to last.

“Please Subaru”

The moment he pleaded Kamui felt first button on shirt come undone; ah finally, yes. Little by little Subaru undid whole button up and eased it to side. He placed kisses from Kamui’s lips down jaw and neck. Soft whimpers and mewls left Kamui’s lips, he writhed and arched under tender touch; couldn’t prevent himself form fantasizing how amazing would having Subaru inside him feel. Kamui felt himself hardening even more at mere imagination, at anticipation; oh gosh, even precome slid down shaft and dampened underwear, at this rate he had qualms whether he’ll last till that point (as Kamui knew without shadow of doubt Subaru would take time preparing him, no way it’ll be brisk). Subaru slid kisses down to chest, hands caressed down waist; touch so gentle, yet how it enticed so, Kamui had no clue. Emotions had to be at play, there was no other explanation for such ardent reactions.

“Your skin is so soft”, Subaru murmured into his chest. Warm breath ghosted over erected nipple, Kamui could only arch back and moan, hoping Subaru would take it as green light.

He didn’t. Subaru extended palm above his pants and asked hoarsely - “Can I?”

“Yes!”, Kamui responded in same second.

Subaru cupped him over pants and closed lips over nipple. There was no withholding that scream. Oh gosh, how mind-blowing pleasure felt, how ecstasy flowed through veins; Kamui could feel heat pool down groin but didn’t have it in himself to care about that.

“Yesss Subaru, ahhh – more!”, he screamed shamelessly while tugging at Subaru’s hair; he didn’t seem to mind, only was encouraged further. Kamui threw head back into pillow and moaned.

Tender suck over nipple only made him harden even more; Subaru used a little bit of teeth, sting enough to burn but not firm enough to ache. Kamui felt his whole body tremble, sweat roll down chest and temple. His cock twitched at every lick, only now did Kamui realize he was thrusting into Subaru’s palm like an animal. Arousal ate him alive, never before was he this excited; whether it was hormones or pent up frustration or result of feelings he had for Subaru – Kamui couldn’t tell; perhaps it was all three. Under any other circumstances he’d feel abashed for speed and ferocity of hips’ movements, but he was so close! Just a little bit more and -

Metallic purr of zipper echoed through room. Subaru unfastened his school uniform and grasped him through cotton underwear. Kamui felt world shatter around him.

“Ahhhh – oh gosh I’m going to -”

No, he couldn’t stop. Thrust into Subaru’ s palm. Again and again. No, stop. Yes, he should. But couldn’t as -

Vision went white. Kamui was remotely aware he threw head back and screamed Subaru’s name but couldn’t discern anything but mind-blowing pleasure washing over him; so self-shattering, he felt like on seventh heaven of utter bliss. Only minus was dampness he felt down – wait. Oh shit, did he really… ah to hell, he did cum in less than a minute. Inside underwear to the boot.

Silence dropped. Subaru stilled, withdrew both hands. No way he didn’t put two and two. Kamui wanted bed to open and swallow him whole. What little of pleasure he achieved palled in comparison to shame he felt.

Subaru looked confusedly down at him. “Wait Kamui, did you just…”, he asked hesitantly, evidently unsure how to handle embarrassment of situation Kamui put them in correctly.

Kamui swirled around and shoved face into pillow, very much like ostrich hid head into sand; beyond childish yes, but what else could he do? Even some of tears emerged at corners, face red as cherry. Subaru tugged gently as his shoulders, tried to turn him around; Kamui refused to yield however. To hell with his teen hormones, at this rate their eventual first time will be nothing short of mess; if he didn’t stay a virgin for life due to inability to last longer than five minutes.

“Don’t cover your face, I want to see you”, Subaru hushed oh so gently that Kamui had issues denying his request. On next pull Kamui allowed to be maneuvered back into laying on the back. Look in Subaru’s eyes however, Kamui never saw such desire in them; very much like own cheeks, Subaru’s were also tiled pink. Was he… was he affected by seeing him orgasm? Was that in question or something entirely different?

“I’m sorry Subaru…”, Kamui murmured despondently. Same instant Subaru laid beside him and pulled into own chest; cuddle felt warm, probably heat radiated from Subaru’s body. Experimentally Kamui pushed knee over Subaru’s groin; light enough so touch could be label as accidental. There was no mistaking, he was hard as well, Kamui realized with pridefully; all because of him.

“It’s nothing to beat yourself about. If anything I’m flattered you like me that much”, Subaru explained gently; pressed kiss over his temple and caressed cheek. Some of previous abashment vanished from system along with post-coital bliss; if Subaru felt flattered he couldn’t hold back enough to not cream pants during foreplay, then Kamui supposed something good could come out of this embarrassment of a lifetime.

“Let’s get you out of sticky clothing”, Subaru suggested and waited for Kamui to approve. He hummed softly and same instant both soiled underwear and pants were eased down legs; Kamui himself pushed shirt off shoulders, bearinghimself completely. Some of previous blush returned to cheeks as he was naked beside fully clothed Subaru, but upon being met with Subaru’s gentle yet flushed face along with appreciative stare, he concluded Subaru wasn’t doing any better than him in mental aspects. This was his first time as well, after all. Yet still…

“But now we can’t continue”, Kamui lamented; really, now that he climaxed prematurely and spoiled all fun how could they -

Without a warming Subaru climbed on all fours over him; so dominant and consequently unexpected of him, Kamui felt his cock twitch at the sight. Silver lining of teenager hormones, looks like there was some benefit of being young and, well, horny.

“Who says we can’t”, Subaru whispered and leaned in for the kiss. Feeling all of previous apprehension evaporating from system, Kamui melted into kiss and let desire take over. Maybe they can get it going again, after all.

[mairyuu]

X AU where Subaru is secretly Sakurazukamori from beginning but is roped into helping Seals to keep an illusion of being head of Sumeragi clan. He’s bending back and front to hide the fact he’s Sakurazukamori from Seals but is just, failing spectacularly. Sorata accidentally makes a hole in dorm’s wall, they all panic Imonoyama will see it and Subaru just, pulls an illusion over hole without thinking. Then thinking kicks in and it’s “ah god damn it”. Kamui and Yuzuriha are staring at him so Subaru thinks they must know who he is. They don't, they're just in awe. Seals never questioned anything, they’re amazed and think Subaru’s ‘magical tricks’ are the coolest thing ever.

[yure-chan]

[yure-chan]

Outfits of Hokuto and Subaru - Shoten

Subaru’s outfits

Volume 1-3

Volume 4

Volume 5

Volume 6-7

X/1999

Hokuto’s outfits

Volume 1,2 and 3

Volume 4 and 5

Volume 6 and 7

X/1999

[yure-chan]

[yure-chan]

This looks so adorable!!

[yure-chan]

Happy Birthday to my favorites twins!! ‑ 19/02/2017

[yure-chan]

[yure-chan]