#stupidest headcanon yet

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

I know this isn't true

but we had the revelation of emily actually being emily Elizabeth prentiss

and we know Tara is tara Elizabeth lewis

so now I've decided that all

yes, all

of the BAU women

are blank Elizabeth blank

jennifer Elizabeth jareau

elle Elizabeth greenaway

penelope Elizabeth garcia

and so on and so forth x

[godzexperiment]

nix actively hating his archival/listening ability; but he does value it in some regards 'i recall your favorite flower cuz you mentioned it in passing like 5 weeks ago between lamenting an scuff on your shoe and telling me to stop biting the edge of my knife'

[vip3r-r]

Hi! I noticed you do nsfw, if your comfortable could I request some headcanons of venture in bed IM BRAINROTTING SO MUCH ABT THEM SORRY!!

No because I really thought nobody was going to ask for nsfw and I GOT nsfw request (╥_╥) this was so fun because tell me they wouldn’t be such a dork while in serious situations, I love them so much I’m so sad they aren’t on the game anymore BRING THEM BACK— anywho I hope you like it! Request are still open and I will most likely post some more later after I wake up from a nap

Warnings- bad spelling maybe, didn’t double check and English didn’t my first language, tried my hardest to make it gender neutral! (You can always request if you want it f/m/gn!!)

this could go two ways…

deep in satisfaction, holding you tight or roaming your body feeling with their rough hands, looking down at you with half open eyes, letting out small huffs as they work their magic with your body

or they could be saying the stupidest of jokes or some random facts about rocks while their fingers hit that spot that makes you arch your back.

i feel like venture would love to be behind you, your legs open, their hands playing with you as they smile in satisfaction, hearing you cry and try to close your legs but you can't because they won't let you <3

would love to see you like this when you have their jacket/coat on, something about that makes them go crazy

isn't crazy in bed, more of a softy that wants to please you and occasionally wants it back

after sex, as you lay down relaxing, venture would probably lay rocks on your body while they tell you about how the found it or the history if it

loves to cuddle with you while you two get enough energy to go shower or eat, brings you water or cleans your body if it was a rather harsh session

i feel like they wouldn't dare do it at work (because they love their job) but probably have a sloppy makeout session

venture eat rocks, of course they're gonna bite you… loves to leave them somewhere where only they know, but find it funny to leave one or two where people could see it if you slightly moved your clothes

“oh whats that” venture says moving your sweater out off your neck “pika boo” you tried to fix it but they move it again “i see it” – “found it” – “cant hide it” – “hello there” etc

That’s it for this one!! I kinda ran out of ideas because it’s literally 5am in here and my brain ain’t working in that area of town yet— you are always welcome to ask with a mere detail request!!

[lucy90712]

Hi 🦋

Could I request a headcanon for Gavi and Pedri? You can also add someone if you want to!

The moment they realise that reader is the one for them? And maybe even telling the reader that <3

Gavi

Gavi realises you were the one for him in the stupidest way. He always thought it would be a really special moment like he looked at you and realised you were the most beautiful person in the entire world or he just felt so much love for you it was overwhelming. That's not how it happened though but actually the moment he realised was much more fitting for your relationship and how you two are with each other. Really Gavi knew deep down that you were the one for him way before the moment came that it hit him but he wasn't ready to think about your relationship in that way at the time which is why it takes him some time to realise it. 

The day it happened you two hadn't been doing anything you'd just had a chill day at home together catching up on little jobs that needed doing around the house that has slipped through the cracks with how busy you both were. You'd spent all day doing things together so when the evening comes around you both naturally drift towards the kitchen together to make dinner. You teach Gavi how to make his favourite dinner from scratch and he helps you make it the best thing he's ever tasted. After dinner you watch a movie together with snacks and drinks which halfway through the movie Gavi goes to refill but because it's dark in the room he stubs his toe on the coffee table right in front of the sofa. The first thing you do is laugh before you realise that's not the way you should react and you start asking if he's ok while stifling your laughter. 

For some reason you laughing while asking if he was ok is what made him realise that you were exactly who he was meant to spend the rest of the way his life with. That is exactly how he would react if someone he was close to did what he did because he knows if he's close to someone you can joke about silly things like that. To him the fact that you felt comfortable enough to let your inner thoughts take over made him realise you were special. You still cared about him but you didn't feel like you had to act a certain way around him which made him happy and that's what made it hit him that you were special. He wants the person he chooses the spend his life with the feel like they can be themselves at all times and he knows that you are that person know even if he had to stub his toe to realise it. 

Pedri

Pedri never thought that he'd find the one for him when he entered into his first serious relationship with you. He didn't think he wanted a serious relationship at his age until he met you so really it should've been obvious that you were someone special but he didn't let himself think about that for a while. It took him a long time before he started thinking about how much he really loved you but once he did it didn't take too long for him to confront the fact he was in love with you. He knew he was in love with you for a while before he realised that you were the one for him as he didn't know what that would feel like until he let himself feel it. 

For the second year running you joined Pedri in Tenerife over summer which has been so nice as you've both spent most of your days out in the sun just enjoying each other's company. You have also spent time with his family including a family get together where more of his extended family will be some of whom you haven't met yet. To start with you weren't sure if you should go as it's supposed to be for the family to all see each other but Pedri told you that you were more than welcome and his parents insisted that you were part of the family. As soon as you get there you fit in straight away and everyone loves you within minutes. This is no real surprise to Pedri but it still warms his heart to see you getting along with all of his family. He makes sure to stay by your side for most of the day just incase you get uncomfortable or need a break but at some point he gets dragged away from you. When he's finally free to get back to you he sees you happily sat with a group of his family members smiling and freely talking to them. 

Seeing that makes him feel a sense of overwhelming love for you which he's felt many times before. As the day goes on that feeling only gets stronger and it hits him like a ton of bricks that the things he's feeling are because you are the one for him. He knows that he's never going to feel those feelings for anyone else as he doesn't think it's possible to love anyone more than he loves you. He also doesn't want to love anyone the way he loves you which is how he knows that you are the one. The feeling scares him a little but he knows that if he's going to explore these feelings with anyone he wants to do it with you just like he does with everything else in life. 

[retlasute]

hiiiii i love your writing and i've been binging turbinio these last few days completely in love with the main character and something came to my mind while i was reading. Maybe it's a pretty specific request, so you can just do headcanons and i'll be happy 

so, i was thinking while reading Turbinio, that i really see myself in mc because i love collecting and keeping things from the trips i make and if i were on the steel ball run my ass would surely lose bc of all the useless luggage and i was thinking of asking you to write a gyro/johnny headcanons with a reader who is always collecting stones, shells, bones and other useless things along the way 

HAAAAA I LOVE THIS IDEA BECAUSE I WOULD ALSO DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING

Also sorry for the delay in writing your request, I was doing something that wasn't important enough to remember what it was 😭 but I've been thinking about your idea all this time and I hope you like it! ❤️

Headcanons - Reader who keeps strange/inutile/creepy things she finds along the way

◍ Gyro Zeppeli

He honestly doesn't know why he asked you to ride with them.

And every day he begins to question himself more about it.

Surely his impatient ass is always complaining about the constant stops.

''For God's sake, that's a dead beetle, (Y/N)''

And of course, at first you had absolutely no right to opine in anything, as Gyro quickly dismissed it by saying that all you do is put rocks in your bag.

He obviously didn't think twice when Johnny said he saw Diego eating rocks.

''Nyo-ho-ho! (Y/N), did you let him steal your bag?''

How could you explain to that man that a bag of shells was lighter than a teddy bear, and that feathers could adorn your horse?

He didn't really care.

But some days he needed someone to complain about, and Johnny was a saint who rarely did anything stupid enough to divert Gyro's attention from your hobbies.

You also tried your best not to slow them down significantly, but sometimes you couldn't ignore a ring conveniently lost on the sidewalk or an arrowhead in the desert.

Honestly, you don't understand why they haven't abandoned you yet either.

Perhaps it wasn't really that annoying, just unusual.

Sometimes, when you found a knife lost on the ground or a half-buried mirror, Gyro would steal it for him.

Over time, he got used to it and the collector jokes wore off.

He also started to always stop without you asking when he saw something shiny on the ground.

''Huh? Aren't you going to pick that up?''

''It's a shard of glass, Gyro.''

''So what? I've seen you pick up more useless things.''

At a certain point in the race, when you had no more space to carry larger things like lizard skulls or big shells, you simply hung them on your horse.

''You know, if I saw your horse on the road at night, I'd shit my pants.''

That's what he said when you decorated your horse's mane with small squirrel bones, attaching the skull by the jaw in a braid.

And then he goes back to wondering why on earth he asked you to ride with them.

But in the end it's not that bad.

He realized this when he found himself keeping a cool stone to give you later.

Stupid Zeppeli, putting stupid stones in his pocket to give to you.

Even stupider Zeppeli, when he offered you a space in his bag to carry your things, since your luggage was already full.

The stupidest Zeppeli, when he let you decorate Valkyrie with feathers

He's adorable, although you'd never be able to admit it.

✰ Johnny Joestar

Johnny never complained, although at first he agreed with Gyro that it was unnecessary to make so many stops to pick up junk.

But when you found a bird skull and tied it around your neck as a necklace, he became afraid of you.

Being afraid of you, he would never think of complaining about anything.

It was strange and creepy, that's all he thought.

But he liked the shiny stones, although he couldn't remember the names of most of them.

He also thought your feathered horse was pretty, although he was still totally against making braids with squirrel skulls.

''Have you always liked to collect things like that?''

''Ever since I was a kid, I guess.''

''What a strange hobby for a child.''

But he still found it, deep down, quite interesting and strangely attractive.

''What are you going to do with it? It's just an old bone.''

He remembers hearing somewhere that there's no beauty without strangeness, and he thought it was quite appropriate for you.

It wasn't long before he gave you a mother-of-pearl shell.

But sometimes Gyro's bad mood was contagious, and he would try to be kinder than his friend to ask you to hurry up or ignore something.

''I know you like this, but don't get distracted, we're in a race.''

But any “pretty please” was enough for him to give in.

''Right… if it's so important, I guess we can wait.''

He would absolutely never carry a skull in his luggage like Gyro would be willing to.

Instead, he would buy an extra bag in the nearest town for you to carry more things.

"I'm sure we could get the equivalent of this race's prize money just by selling your stuff, (Y/N).''

He's certainly cut his finger with a shark's tooth when he tried to get something from your bag.

Because he's more inattentive to such things, he constantly ends up leaving you behind because he doesn't realize you've stopped to pick something up.

''Hey, Johnny, look what I found!''

He's sure it's going to be some dead animal, so he always has to take a deep breath and prepare himself psychologically whenever he hears that sentence.

''Oh, a rock?''

''It's not just a rock, Johnny. It's a citrine!''

''It's very pretty.''

''Pretty? That's it?''

''What can I say? It's a yellow stone. But you've already shown me ten others just like it.''

''Ah, well… you're right.''

''But it's quite beautiful, you have a sharp eye for finding pretty things.''

He wouldn't show more emotion than that even if you showed him a diamond.

[oncillabrigade]

It is time. I am going to share the stupidest headcanon I have. You have no say in the matter, sorry.

2 Unlimited voice: Y'all ready for this?

Jason Peter "Edgelord" Todd-Wayne smokes exclusively prop cigarettes.

Here's my reasoning, such as it is:

Jason smoking when he's back from the dead has never sat right with me. This is a kid who was given a second lease on life and who watched addicts around him die at a young age. And, like, I get the thought process that he's dealing with both PTSD and CPTSD, and he has a genetic predisposition towards addiction plus had Bruce's addictive and obsessive behavior modeled for him. And yet...

IDK. Maybe it's just because I'm projecting as someone with that same genetic factor who looked at addictive substances as a kid and went "oh okay so science means I can never touch these." But does that not sound like something Jaylad would do? He's the worst in the family (imo) about absolutes/black-and-white thinking after Bruce.

However! He definitely does smoke. It bothers Bruce AND makes him look cool. So... what's the solution here?

Prop cigarettes.

You cannot tell me that Jason "Theater Kid" Todd would not think to himself, "hmmm how do I seem like a cool guy who smokes without doing it?" and doesn't immediately go "wait that's a solved problem lol, to the nearest costume store!"

Anyway, this is so stupid and so funny to me that I may have to write an entire fic about each family member finding out.

P.S. I feel like his desire to piss Bruce off with the cigarettes was balanced by his desire to not let Talia down by reducing his lung capacity so he compromised on being a drama ho. At least, that's his excuse for being one in this case.

P.P.S. He also vapes marijuana and carefully conceals that it's because he's been prescribed it for joint pain.

[that-sokovian-bastard]

Lucky - Jason Todd x (f)Reader

Words: 1126 Pairing: Jason Todd x (f)Reader Warnings: Mentions canon-typical violence, very vague nsfw thoughts Summary: Jason can’t wait to see you, but now he’s stuck listening to his older brother. Author’s Note: There is no actual jason and yn interaction in this, he just thinks about how much he loves you. Dick also has a girlfriend. This is based entirely on the photo above, it’s from this Pinterest post. Bruce Wayne is a good dad. The family is happy. This is also like really based on the daydreaming and headcanoning @cafeacademia and I have been doing the last week.

And, if you’re more of a Dick lover, I have already written his perspective about him missing his girlfriend (you ;) )

Jason / Full Masterlist

—

After the long night of patrol-turned-gang-fight, Jason would love nothing more than to go back to your shared apartment, have some fun together, and fall asleep blissfully unaware that there was a world outside the door. But he knew that wasn’t possible because you were out of town for work.

He’s never hated California more than the fact that it’s on the other side of the country from New Jersey.

Jason didn’t really want to go back to his empty apartment just yet, but he also didn’t want to go back to the Cave and answer a million questions from the rest of the team. It would be easier to give Bruce his verbal report before Bruce went back to the Cave, too. However, as he was carefully walking along the roof edges, the bright blue of Nightwing’s costume caught his eye.

Jason changed directions and landed on the roof where Dick was. Jason called out to him, making Dick jump a little, and Jason loved that he was able to sneak up on his big brother. As Jason made his way over to sit next to Dick, Dick explained that Bruce was still talking to Gordon, so he was still waiting to give his report.

He knew Dick wanted to get home to his girlfriend, and since Jason wasn’t able to see you tonight, he’d let Dick get out of here first. And, of course, that opened a whole can of worms that he couldn’t close. Once Dick started talking about his girlfriend, he couldn’t stop. But Jason has the same problem: once he starts thinking about you, he can’t stop.

Jason has heard about Dick’s girlfriend a million times, so it’s easy for him to tune it out now. While Dick goes on and on about how he can’t wait to get home to her, Jason lets his mind drift as he thinks about you. You two have been together for a while now, and you’ve known about Red Hood things pretty much since the beginning. He loves how understanding you are with his weird work schedule (even if you definitely freaked out at first), and he loves when you patch him up after a difficult night. He loves that you love his get-up; red has always suited him, you say. He loves that you’re always there for him when he needs to talk about his work or vent about his family. He loves you.

Jason kept thinking about you. How you always tried your hardest to stay awake until he got home from patrol or missions. How you help him deal with his frustration in enjoyable ways only you knew. How you’d enjoy watching the stupidest movies available with him. He loved it all. He’s not sure how he got so lucky with someone so wonderful, understanding, and beautiful. Jason thought about you standing in your shared bedroom, waiting for him, and noted all the areas of your body that he couldn’t wait to kiss when you finally got home. Unfortunately, before his thoughts could go any further than kissing, his brother’s annoyance pulled him out of his daydream.

“Are you listening to me?” Dick asked, knowing the answer already.

“Mhm,” Jason nodded with his chin resting on one of his hands, sulking. Now he wasn’t just sulking about missing you; he was sulking about Dick being inconsiderate and ending the beautiful images he saw in his mind. Now, Jason had to convince Dick that he wasn’t being ignored and entertain his blabbing as Dick came to the realization that he loves his girlfriend. Jason usually is never jealous of Dick, but in this instance, he’s jealous that he gets to go home and see his girlfriend. Jason still has two whole days until he gets to see you.

Jason missed the first half of Dick’s sentence but heard, “Can’t you at least pretend to be interested in what I have to say?” Dick asked. And though Jason refused to answer it, he knew the answer was definitely no. He is not interested in hearing about how much Dick can’t wait to go home and watch TV reruns and eat takeout with his girlfriend. Jason’s upset that he’s going to end up doing that alone or get stuck going back to the Batcave and dealing with his younger siblings. He was not happy with either of the outcomes he was going to be stuck with.

Luckily, Jason didn’t have to answer Dick’s question as Bruce finally showed up on the top of the building. Without much fuss, he let Dick leave without giving his report and sat next to Jason. He was a little annoyed with how this situation had worked out, truthfully. Not that Dick got to leave before giving his report, no, but that Jason has never been given that same choice.

So, he’d address it with Bruce as he sat down next to Jason. “You never let me leave before giving reports,” Jason complained.

Though he couldn’t see it through Bruce’s cowl, Jason knew his eyes squinted as he looked at him. “You don’t ever wait around long enough for me to let you,” Bruce shot back as he sat down. And that was true. Jason normally left as soon as the fight ended so he could get home to you, so he sees that he can’t really argue. “So, how’d things go on your end?”

Jason rattled off random details of what he could remember from the fights. His verbal reports were a lot like his typed reports, if he did them: scrambled, unorganized, and chaotic. Luckily, after so many years, Bruce has learned how to organize them in his head and fix them before a final upload to the Super Secret Batman Inc. Server. Bruce let Jason ramble on about his scattered details for as long as he needed. Since it was a long night, it was a longer report. But Jason wrapped it up fairly quickly when he heard his phone chime in the specific noise that meant it was a text from you.

“I assume that noise means we’re done?” Bruce asked.

“See, I knew you’d catch on one day,” Jason nodded as he opened his leather jacket and fished his phone out from one of the protective pockets. Jason didn’t even hear Bruce say goodbye as he opened up your text, but when he looked up next, he was long gone.

Baby <3: I saw it was a rough night in Gotham. Hope it went okay, babe. I’ll see you in two days. Love you!

Jason: It was okay. Love you. Can’t wait to see you. Miss you a loooooot.

Baby <3: Don’t worry, we’ll make up for lost time ;)

Oh, Jason could hardly wait.

---

tags

@i-am-not-the-real-alice @designer--sunglasses @cirrec @glossierkisscs @ineffablebean @rloyal @criminalmindsmoodrn @iamninaanna @super-multifandom @ifilwtmfc @sitherin-mxschief

[beanghostprincess]

Bean please spitball with me and think about what a canon divergence where Buggy and Shanks fight never happened would look like.

It’s integral to the story and the characters that those two split up, but let’s just entertain the idea that those two hugged it out crying in the rain for a bit, went someplace safe an when Shanks somberly stated he can’t go look for the One piece just yet, Buggy’s emotions were calm enough that he asked “You’re not gonna do it?” “Not yet…” “When?” “Someday… not yet.” And Buggy shot Shanks a glare but still said “Okay.” What would that be like?

Personal headcanons in no particular order

Buggy isn’t Shanks Co-captain or even second in command. The title he affiliates himself with would most likely be something like “demolitions expert” or “bursar” , but he still has issues with being less than Shanks, so he won’t share a title with him or a position that may indicates he’s “option number two”, so Ben is still the official first mate in a way (it’s more like a shared position between Buggy and Ben tough if you’d be completely honest, but more on that later)

Buggy constantly claims or threatens that he’s gonna get his own ship one day and that he’s only hiding his time. Nobody falls for it anymore.

There is still some of Buggy’s insecurity shining trough and there is lots of conflict they don’t adress, because Buggy STILL wants Shanks to follow their captains wishes but also still wishes HE could have been that person himself. Lots of unresolved angst.

For some reason I feel like he and Ben would get along surprisingly well. Ben being one of the few people except Shanks who can see trough Buggy’s theatrics and knows how to encourage his strengths and compensate his weaknesses, and Ben being someone Buggy legitimately respects and someone he rarely even gets into an argument with. Buggy saying something in response to something Shanks says and Ben agreeing with BUGGY rather than Shanks is actually not that uncommon. There’s lots of times these two actually are the idea guys together… unless Buggy and Shanks are just fighting for fighting sake with each other, in which case Ben will be firmly in possession of the brain cell until these two get their heads running at a normal temperature again.

Buggy and Shanks staying together may make Shanks seem actually a tad more short tempered and quick to annoy than he is in canon, but it’s ONLY with Buggy. There are some deep friendships on his crew, but them not having to split like this just solidified the friendship they had as children. They fight waaaay more over stupid shit than they would in a setting where they reunited after they split, where Shanks usually is the more laidback and forgiving one despite Buggy’s abrasive personality. In this setting Shanks would take almost EVERY single bait Buggy laid out for him, get into arguments over the stupidest shit and do petty stuff to Buggy even if Buggy was actually completely and 100 percent in the right about something. You put these two into a room together and there I’ll just be a point where they are both fighting like dumb teenagers, but it’s clear the only reason they can do so is because they both were dumb teens together and actually know and love each other more than anyone else could even imagine. They rarely think much about how lucky they are to have each other because that’s a constant. It would be like saying “I am glad I can see the horizon.” Because the Horizon is always THERE? You’d only realize something would be missing when you’d realize that there suddenly was too much ocean and somehow not enough sky. It’s something you can’t even wrap your head around and you don’t have to , it’s a rhetorical question. A thought piece to mull about rather than an actual possibility. Pff. Splitting up. In which universe?

You don't get to send me this and kill me, anon. You don't get to do this. Because now I am very soft and also sad because I want these two to be together and happy again. Auch. These are all amazing headcanons and,, It's so real.

Buggy is Shanks' specialest guy, actually. That's his title. They're each other's special guy. The term you were actually looking for is boyfriend, but perhaps it's just my Shuggy heart speaking. Leaving romance aside, yeah, specialest boy. Benn and Buggy get along together because they're actually pretty smart and logical people and since Shanks is more emotion-oriented, they're the ones making the important decisions. Shanks probably ends up choosing where they go next or who they're fighting, but the actual important stuff is carried by Buggy and Benn. Great team. They also complain about Shanks' unhealthy habits together, because in this timeline I think he'd also have some issues. Look at him. He can't be mentally stable.

Shanks and Buggy would be the closest thing ever. And that's dangerous. When they're happy, they're extremely annoying and won't stop pulling pranks on people (Benn) because they're literally 5-year-olds. And when they're angry, they make it everyone's problem. They won't stop arguing for silly things, but isn't that the beauty of trust? They just are so direct with one another. It's a funny picture. They keep saying they can't stand each other and then they will find them sleeping together, tangled up and drunk and quite obviously happy. The thing you said about them,,, Being so used to each other they don't think about how lucky they are,,, Jumping off a bridge, thank you.

Also!!!!!!!! There are a lot of things I want to address, like how they'd deal with Buggy's inferiority complex and the fact that I think Shanks wouldn't stop insisting on sharing the goddamned hat if he's still mad about that. But!!!!!!!! I wanna focus on Uta because that's the thing I often think about when I talk about this AU.

Uta appears in their lives and Shanks instantly goes "No, yeah, we have to keep this child. I am her father now." and Buggy wants to say no, because it's just stupid and dangerous and how are they going to do that being pirates! But,,, Looking at her, Buggy just adores this baby. She's the cutest, brightest thing in the world. Brighter than Shanks. And he just has the need to protect her forever. He thinks about Roger and Rayleigh and, well, huh, maybe they keep the legacy going. With Buggy, I think they would never have left Uta alone and they would've taken her with them. They would've protected her anyway. And she would've stayed being their daughter!! And just,, Just think about Luffy. About Buggy meeting Luffy and Luffy just LOVING his Devil Fruit. Buggy has no reason to hate the kid, either. Buggy just says Shanks is perhaps growing too attached to the bastard. When Shanks loses his arm, he also has to deal with Buggy yelling at him for like a whole month. And then Buggy giving him the silent treatment. And also Buggy throwing knives at him. And Buggy telling Benn to talk with him instead. Buggy just cares so much about Shanks and refuses to admit it out loud. He wants the redhead to apologize for worrying him, but Shanks doesn't do it. He says he's sorry, yes, about worrying him, but he doesn't regret saving Luffy or giving him the hat. Yadda yadda yadda, idiots. They make up.

And idk man I think they would've been such a powerful duo together. Of course they would end up fighting for the issues they have, but,,, Idk. In this timeline, I think they would not leave each other's side. Also, they have a daughter. They are so not leaving Uta until she says she wants to go have her own life.

[ilovechuuy4]

˙∘ "Ah, what a lovely cake, babe!~" ∘˙

✰Osamu Dazai X GN!Reader✰

A/N; quite literally nobody asked for a dazai x reader but I've noticed since I've made my master list I don't have just a dazai fic along with just a chuuya fic BUT there is A LOT of chuuya x reader in my drafts so those will come soon!! I'm pretty sure this is the longest fic I made

→ Description; you and dazai decided to bake cakes! A quite messy and laced one at that.

Warnings; alcohol use (sneaking alcohol in the cake) and drinking wine

➥ Headcanons ⏤͟͟͞͞✰

→ Dazai is the one to sneak alcoholic drinks in to the cake/pastries/sweets y'all make.

→ Dazai is the one to take the frosting, dip his finger into it and smear the frosting on your nose like Rodolfo's nose.

→ He will make a mess no matter what, it's always possible and you can't avoid it, ingredients everywhere

→ Dazai is a literal child, he wants to lick the cake batter spoon, he doesn't care if there is raw eggs or not

→ When the cake is baking he's going to be OVERLY annoying because he has no patience whatsoever

→ This man is the most stupidest yet silliest known to kind, when decorating (his own cake) he's going to make little penises or inappropriate drawings on it

→ “Decorate appropriately" yea no, it's like yelling a kid to sit still and be quiet

→ The cake decorating is a contest for him for sure, he's going to sabotage you the best he can without ruining your cake, taking your frosting colors, candies that you're using, etc.

→ Christmas gal all the way, Christmas carols/music/dances/outfits/movies whatever, he loves it

Scenario!! ᯓ٭꙳˙∘

It was the middle of the day on a cool November day, there was a fire crackling in the living room, dazai and yourself in the kitchen with ingredients to bake a cake. Y'all had decided to to be creative and work on y'all’s culinary skills sense dazai was off work for holidays 'nd bored.

Soft hums were coming out the slim man’s mouth, who had an apron tied tightly around his waist, a cheeky smile on his face, his hands resting on his hips. “Alright! Let’s get this show on the rode!” You heard the brunette say excitedly, it was silly seeing him so happy over something like baking but also lovely.

Before this, Dazai had a bit too much wine so he wasn’t exactly sober. You had already grabbed the wet ingredients for the cakes, and dazai had grabbed the dry, store bought, cake mixes, all lied out on the counter top.

“Sure, sure. Let’s go this show on the rode” You mock with a soft smile, pouring the boxed cake batter into the metal bowl. You then crack the three eggs, but in this cake 6, since there is being to cakes made with the two boxes of cake mix y'all bought.

You then turn away to get a measuring up and get 2 cups of water. You heard a snicker from the brunette as you did. You weren't sure why nor did you see him pouring Lord knows how much whiskey into the cake.

You turn back and pour the two cups of water in, and then ⅓ vegetable oil. "What were you snickers about over here?" You say while giggling as well. "Oh nothing, babe. Don't worry!~" Dazai said with a cheeky smile, you knew he was up to something and it was obvious.

Y'all had already preheated the oven prior to this, 'nd now y'all have to mix, pour into pans, and then wait until it's done, let cool and ice! You take the whisk and start sturing the cake ingredients, while doing so, Dazai was getting into the frosting like a child.

Dazai had opened the white frosting, dipping his CLEAN fingertip in as it gets coated with the white, creamy icing. He sticks out his tongue, licking off the icing. "You know, this is OVERLY sweet" The brunette says, his gaze averting from the icing container, his deep brown eyes were looking into your e/c eyes.

"Ah, well that's the only kind they had, and isn't icing supposed to be overly sweet?" You had said, cocking and eyebrow as you continue mixing the cake batter. "Mhm, I suppose." He simply says as he dips his finger back in. "Honey, baby, babe, look at me!" He ugered, he really wanted you to look, even for a second.

You look over once more but before you could speak, you see Dazai reaching his icing covered finger tip towards your nose and smearing the icing on it. "Haha! Now you're Rodolfo but with a white nose!" He says his hands going back to his hips as a proud smile washes on his face, you couldn't help but smile.

"Ha, okay you Christmas obsesser" you scoff, and Dazai being the overly dramatic man he is, he jaw drops as he slaps a hand to his mouth, gasping obnoxiously as he does so. "Obsesser?! I am not obsessed!" He says with the most sassiest look on his face, holding back his giggles that were slowly tearing through the look of sassiness. "Cmon! Everyone knows you're obsessed on the holidays, Osamu! It's so easy to tell!" You start to laugh as Dazai turns away scoffing playfully.

Dazai huffs and the speaks, "Maybe a little, obsessed." He admits while turning to the Amazon Alexa y'all had placed in the kitchen for reasons like these. (cooking together) He walks over to it and whispers something as he turns up the Echo Dot to its max volume and soon, the entire kitchen is filled with Christmas music, specifically, All I Want For Christmas is You, by Maria Carey. You couldn't help but surpres laughs and giggles as you see our lover dancing and singing to the music.

"All I want for Christmassss~ isssssss~ youuuuuu!!" Dazai "sings" loudly, it was such good material to record but you didn't have your phone so it was a bit disappointing you couldnt record. You softly hum along to the song as you pour the cake batter into the cake pans. "Oo! Ooo!! Give me the spoon! I want to lick the batter spoon!" Your lover's eyes are like stars as you hand him the batter spoon.

Dazai starts licking the soon as he watches you put the cakes in the hot oven. "How long will it take?" He asks, still licking the spoon clean. "About 20-30 minutes? It just depends on the size of the pan if I'm honest with you, Honey, but since it's two 9 rounds maybe 22-27 minutes?" This wasn't a wild guess, but more of a precise guess. "Ughh, that's so long!" Dazai complained, nothing new though.

"Oh calm down, you listen to your Maria Carey and lick your batter spoon and before you know it, they will be done" You scoff softly, this makes Dazai huff and cross his arms as he finishes off licking the spoon. "Fine! But I think I'll annoy you instead" He says, smiling as he hugs you tightly, his arms around your waist and holds you close.

This goes on for a bit, dazai was poking, kissing, biting doing whatever to try to annoy you, but at the end of the day he wasn't sober so, you were fine with it. And soon, the timer for the cakes went off, you grab the oven mit and put it on, taking the cakes out from the oven, placing them on the stove top. A few minutes go by, Dazai was back to the casually bugging until y'all were able to frost the cakes.

"Okay okay, the cakes are ready to frost, you get one I get one, okay?" Dazai hums in response, looking extremely excited as he takes his icing bag and starts to work on his cake, you take yours as well and work on your own. You were glancing back and forth between your cake and Dazais face, humming softly to the Christmas music playing in the kitchen. You use your a smaller frosting tip to do more fine line details in the very detailed cake while dazai, seems to be doing something more since he is chucking up a storm.

You were making you and Dazai holding hands and dazai, well who knows? Because you didn't. You continue frosting your cake making everything the best it could be. "Done!" Dazai blurts with a smile, still snickering happily. You glance over and down at Dazais cake were there is a HIGHLY detailed cock, not a chicken, a cock, as in the male reproduction organ. Why was it so detailed? You didn't know but you just snicker a bit as you continue to work on your own.

"It's very, er, detailed?" You say, holding back a fit of laughter. "Yep! Based it off my own!~" He seemed so confident that it was funny, you put a hand over your mouth holding back your fits of laughter "O,oh yeah, really?" You choke out, it was hard to contain your giggles and snorts as they just fall out as you start to have a unbearable fit of laughter, which made Dazai start laughing too. A bit of tears from the uncontrollable fit start to form in your eyes as you catch your breath.

"Ha, Okay I'm done I'm done" you let out a sigh of relief as you quickly finish up your cake. Dazai comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. "Ah, What a lovely cake, babe~" He said, smiling happily as he saw the very detailed cake of the two of you holding hands.

He plants a soft kiss on your neck, and then your jawline moving up to your lips. Capturing your lips in a slow and loving kiss, you could taste the sweetness of the frosting and cake batter from earlier as you kissed back slowly. Dazai pulls back, smiling, "I love you babe"

[helyiios]

hiii what are your favourite headcanons for Benji and Ethan, as their own characters as well as for their relationship together?

I think like....past the initial shock benji feels from getting told by ethan fucking hunt that his love is requited, they develop the funniest and stupidest relationship on the planet.

benji is a brit with a dirty mouth who uses sarcasm as commas and ethan is a righteous american who does NOT get british humour so it's always like.....benji says smth HILARIOUS to his standards and ethan just stares in horror. (exhibit A benji's pedo jokes) which is so British but which TERRIFIES ethan.

benjis also v hot headed and i think ethan mellows when he's w him so we know who wears the pants in the relationship yk. ethan would die for benji but benji would kill for ethan no questions asked. they're horny for each other like 17yrs old (which idk how they do it bcs they're like. middle aged) and they genuinely believe that the other is the most beautiful, incredible man on the planet (they're right)

benjis always like 'i only like u for ur sexy arms and ass' and ethans like 'wait rlly ? :(' and then benjis like babe....i was making a joke. i also love your cock (he thinks ethan is the sweetest, most kind human hes ever met and he cant believe he chose him)

i also think they balance each other out perfectly bcs its been shown that ethan's always trying to care for everyone, while we saw that benji cares for like approximately 5 people tops. and 5 is pushing it.

ethan is also a wet pathetic puppy and benji likes to bully him bcs he thinks it's hilarious (and then he makes up for it by kissing him w tongue) (and showing him its just banter)

benji (once they settle in a comfortable relationship) likes to mess w him a lot and ethan is just happy to be w him and it's all so silly but at the heart of it all they're madly in love w each other and would burn the world for the other and they're def MEANT to be w each other. what one lacks the other has and vice versa. ethan meal preps for benji w lots of green and benji introduces him to video games and beats him everytime and ethan gets rlly butthurt. i think they play it takes two together ?

they're like an old married couple bcs they've known each other so long and yet they keep discovering new things abt the other and they marvel at it. they feel privileged to call the other 'theirs' and i think sometimes when they fuck they genuinely cry abt it. yeah

[roboyomo]

ADAM HC!!!!1!11!

drew one of my adam hcs bcuz its my birthday!!! the headcanon being

Adam absolutely hating the rain. Literally stepping outside the building for the first time ever in thousands of years and it rains on that specifically. Ayin has an umbrella but Adam doesn't (lol loser)

most of my hcs are either minor physical details or like the most stupidest yet most specific things ever (adam being incredibly bad at chess because he cant make a good enough strategy to win)

[sparklychaosandotherthings]

MORE Headcanons for dean winchester that are true cause I say so;

- he has the WORST HANDWRITING EVER IN THE WORLD. He’s dyslexic AND had almost zero formative education (his dad taught him the basics but like all dads it usually ended with dean holdin back tears at the dinner table) he lets Sam write everything, because even DEAN cant read his own handwriting

- he will tell you that he thinks fidget toys r the stupidest thing ever invented and a waste of resources. (He owns like 5 fidget spinners and a 25 dollar iron fidget pen; “what!??? It’s for hunting!!!!”)

- you would think he’s a dog person, but he really prefers cats, they’re more mobile, and he feels like leaving a dog alone for so long while he hunts is cruel. Plus he doesn’t really like walking, he does enough of it on the job. (He also believes cats are good luck and trusts their judgement on where spirits are)

- he can’t sleep when it’s perfectly quiet. When it’s too quiet while he hunts it usually means danger, so he’ll crank up the ac or the radiator in whatever hotel they’re staying in just so he can hear the noise. (This drives Sam crazy sometimes, because he’s the exact opposite)

- he LOVES jewelry, if u gift him a bracelet or a necklace, the very next day you’ll see him wearing and showing it off. He has a small collection of rings, bracelets, and necklaces. His favorites are the pieces made of iron that he can use while hunting

- while he doesn’t like reading, he really likes audiobooks, on long drives he’ll put them on the radio and listen to them for hours, and he’ll listen to anything, non - fiction, biographies, physics textbooks. As long as the narrator has a nice voice he’ll listen to it.

- he doesn’t use hair spray, (he’s worried it’s too flammable and in his line of work you deal with fire A LOT) he prefers one certain brand of hair gel that he is UTTERLY loyal too. Dean will go out of his way to obtain HIS brand of hair gel, and will accept no substitute.

- he genuinely does not know how to work most electronic devices outside of the norm. Somehow, Sam hasn’t really figured this out yet.

- he never dreams; and he always thought that was a little weird, but then Sam started to have his dreams, and he felt like even more of a weirdo for never dreaming. He’s honestly a lil jealous of Sam in that regard, he’d rather have bad dreams then no dreams at all

- he’s a good southern boy, so everyone is either “sir,” or “ma’am,” he genuinely means it (most of the time) but because of a slight tone delivery problem, major attitude, and different regional dialects, people believe hes mocking them.

- Because of his lil southern self, you’ll hear him use his waaaayyyy too long analogies that don’t make a single lick of sense, and he’s often unintentionally cryptic just because that’s how he talks. (Sometimes he’s confused why people think he’s so mysterious and hard to read)

[ghastlyfilters]

hi, darling!!! how are you??

i don't know how many requests you have gotten for that pretty writing of yours, but if it's okay (and if you'd like), i'd love to see more of your mickey altieri headcanons !!! that man has me on a chokehold... maybe headcanons about gender neutral reader and him having a movie night?? whatever you feel like, to be honest, mickey content is always a win.

remember to eat well and drink and take as much rests as you need. stay safe💌

𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐢 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 :)

pairing: mickey altieri x gn!reader

warning: none, few mentions of horror but that’s it!

• Friday was always your preferred day of the week. Because you knew exactly what would happen after all your classes were finished for the day..

MOVIE NIGHTS WITH MICKEY!!

• He’s not a cheeky lil shit who hogs the blanket whilst y’all are either in bed or watching the film in your living room, so you won’t need to worry about that lol.

• Mickey isn’t fussy about what you watch. (But if you started insulting the movies he LOVES that’s a whole different story babe..)

• Once, you had invited Randy over for a movie night after his date kinda stood him up, and Mickey ended up storming out after a debate about movies that would always be in the ‘classic’ category.

• It pretty much went on for a full fucking forty minutes before Randy pushed your lover’s buttons a little too far for his liking.. 🫡

• it was the literal stupidest thing you’d heard yet..

“Mickey, I worked in a video store for almost two years. Sidney will tell you! We had a whole damn section dedicated to the classics!” Randy stated, burying his head in his hands out of embarrassment for his now angered friend.

“Oh my god! I swear if the two of you don’t let me get up, the popcorn is gonna burn-”

Mickey bit his lip in frustration. “Name one classic. One GOOD classic!”

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, made in the early 50s. It skyrocketed the minute people found out Marilyn Monroe got one of the lead roles.” Randy said smugly.

“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THAT HAS SAT DOWN WATCHED ‘GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES’ HONESTLY, RANDY?” Mickey barked.

• You know how serious Mickey can get when it comes to film. So it’s best to just sit down and shut up tbh.

• He always brings the best snacks. Candy, popcorn, drinks, everything he knows you love!

• It’s a bit awkward if you sit away from him during the film. He just wants to snuggle w you! :(

• The horror genre actually doesn’t scare him that much.

• Though sorry to disappoint, but he will not tell you when the jump scares are ready to be shown.. 😭

(It’s the one time he tries to mess w you and gets a giggle out of himself, hehe)

• Overall, it’s amazing that the two of you can bond over something so simple as a movie. It goes to show how much you love spending time with him, your Mickey! <3

[ellaak]

SEVENTEEN RECOMMENDATION LIST

✉~Smau ✏~Written Series 🃁~Oneshot ☆~Headcanon ♡~Fluff ☔︎︎~Angst ☊~Crack ⌧~MDNI

Last Updated : July 24th 2024

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL Nothing Here Yet...

YOON JEONGHAN The Unoriginal Villain Origin Story 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @twogyuu Miscommunication is a powerful plot weapon fr. This fic is good Daisies 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @viastro I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS EMOTIONAL FIC, MINJI IS EVIL Fake It Till You Make It 🃁 ~ ♡ @bitterie-sweetie THE FACT THAT THEY HAD EVERYONE FOOLED FOR YEARS Just One Day 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wonwoonlight STOP THIS WAS SO CUTE AND SAD. I Would 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @writer-k-pop HE IS STANDERD. THE WAY HE TOLD THE HOST OFF The Breakup Soup 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @hannie-dul-set I DID NOT EXPECT THE ENDING AT ALL AFTER EVERYTHING. GENUINELY ONE OF THE BEST JEONGHAN FICS I'VE READ Anything But 🃁 ~ ♡ @yoongiseesawmp3 THIS WAS SO CUTE, JEONGHAN SETTING THE BAR SO HIGH

JOSHUA HONG My Favorite Person 🃁 ~ ♡ @babyleostuff This fic giving me advice too

WEN JUNHUI HOME 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @hazz-a-bear BREAKING MY HEART IN TWO. JUN :((

KWON SOONYOUNG Caller #17 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @beomcoups THE ENDING HAD MY FIST IT MY MOUTH WITH TEARS STEAMING ON MY FACE

JEON WONWOO Nothing Here Yet...

LEE JIHOON Nothing Here Yet...

LEE SEOKMIN Nothing Here Yet...

KIM MINGYU When I Kissed The Teacher 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @highvern THIS WAS SO SWEET THE WAY ARIN AND HANA TRIED SO HARD TO PLAY THE MATCHMAKERS

XU MINGHAO The Letter 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @toruro This is definitely a must read Blocked Contacts 🃁 ~ ♡ @jae-bummer Annoying exs Painting 🃁 ~ ♡ @rubywonu Who says you can't find love in museums His Portrait 🃁 ~ ♡ @ahlovelightaflame Getting caught was embarrassing but at least we got something

BOO SEUNGKWAN You Say The Stupidest (Sweetest) Things 🃁 ~ ♡ @savventeen The concept was so cute When I Grow Up 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wooahaes THE WAY THEY MET HAS ME GUSHING Mission Possible 🃁 ~ ♡ @thepixelelf Sujeong was the op this whole fic The First Step 🃁 ~ ♡ @bluehoodiewoozi SEUNGKWAN WAS SUCH A SWEETHEART

CHWE HANSOL Work Husband 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @wondernus The ending was so silly

LEE CHAN Love Guard 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @tqmies Chan being an accidental asshole on their first meet but was actually smitten was so cute Scored! 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @leejungchans By the end I was giggling so hard like a schoolgirl 08:23am 🃁 ~ ♡ @wheeboo THIS WAS SO CUTE (It's something I would def do) PANG! ✉ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @kkumawrites HIS GF WAS A HOE SINCE DAY 1 FR

OT13 seventeen and how they would launch their relationship with idol!you ☆ ~ ♡ @hrts4hanniehae Fun to read Together 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wooahaes This was so sweet, crying at the end REDAMANCY ✉ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ - Minghao & Junhui @escapewriter I knew there was something off about [Redacted] since the beginning Svt At Your Christmas Party ☆ ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @alsktudy Silly Holiday Specials

[sunnyartsstudio]

"Keep Bryke away from Katara, the character they created and wrote in a way that made me love her in the first place, because I built up a bunch of headcanons that they didn't follow through on and now I'm going to act like loving her makes her mine" is one of the stupidest, most irritating and arrogant (yet somehow popular) takes that I've seen in this fandom. Seriously, get over yourselves.

[markerofthemidnight]

I just had the stupidest thought and you're going to hear about it. May I present to you, the LiB on an American family road trip.

Pokey: Dad! Tinky's breathing on me!

Tinky: No I'm not! Anyway, are we there yet dad? You said one hour till the next stop but it's been an hour and five minutes!

Nibbly: Is that a McDonald's?! Can we go there? I'm tired of baby carrots and trail mix!

Blinky: Hey dad, the sign says "World's largest scrap metal statue this way!" Can we stop there?

Wiggly: Can I drive? I'm sure I can get us there faster.

Father: (thinking) If you drive into the river you'll die too. If you drive into the river you'll die too. If you drive into the river you'll die too.

oh my god the mental image of this is so fun-

Little ‘Marker’s-headcanon-lore’ fun fact, though! The Lords already went on a roadtrip in the past!

It’s a permanent roadtrip, though. As in, they don’t plan on ever going back home once they arrive. And it’s technically still not finished yet, because they haven’t taken over Earth. And the only reason why they went on it in the first place was to get away from their dad.

…Also, I’m pretty sure the Monarch wouldn’t hesitate to drive into a river if it meant killing his five worst mistakes too.