#stupid sexyman competition

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

Gabriel: There is so much to unpack about this guy holy fuck. So he's an angel, or well, he used to be an angel, now he's a fallen angel. and in terms of the lore we know about him we know that he's very well loved among the other angels and also he has A REALLY FUCKING HIGH BODYCOUNT (he doesnt remember how high it is but he has killed and will kill again), and basically he was like "i love serving the council" (god is dead in ultrakill btw. council took its place), then he fights your player character (named V1), then he loses and the council is like "you have 24 hours to live". then he fights V1 again and he gets owned so hard that he realizes that the council fucking sucks so he kills all of them. That isnt even the tip of the iceberg you can find out the rest by yourselves if you wanna. and he has MULTIPLE banger ass boss themes Christopher: hes in a vocaloid song by ghost. he does gaslighting and he smashes the mirrors that show him his true form and then claims that it was the mirrors fault. yeah hes an asshole. also he can do really freakish things with his spine. like he can twist himself around like total 360 and all. at the end of his song the mirrors that he's been smashing burn him and then according to one of the tags he ends up in some kind of alternate dimension i think. and then another tag told me thats not confirmed so we dont know what really happened to him. AND he has a banger ass theme song.

[rayghosts]

Reigen Arataka, world's greatest twink, dilf, milf, and Twitter favorite, had the chance of a lifetime. The Tumblr Sexyman poll - the only poll he landed second place in - was having a rematch on the original blue hellsite itself. With the experience he had gathered from the previous match, Reigen felt confident that he could win first place this time. He forwent the tactics he used last time and instead leaned hard into what he now knew was what made him truly appealing to the Tumblrinas: his babygirl factor.

In his first round, he swept the floor with Beetlejuice by opening his laptop and doing his work while lying in bed like a middle schooler. In the second round, he triumphed over Spamton by placing a hand on his hip in imitation of Jerma and saying, "Sparkle on, it's Wednesday, don't forget to be yourself!" In the third round, his victory over Jack Skellington was locked the moment Reigen used his latest Special Move: getting down on his hands and knees and arching his back so that his butt jutted out in a pose which drove the audience wild.

Having now won three rounds, Reigen was growing eager. He had but one round left before he could have his rematch against Sans. Already he could see that stupid skeleton across the stadium, taunting Reigen with his lazy smile.

Reigen's fourth opponent was a character he had never heard of before named Cecil Palmer, who didn't even have a canon appearance (albeit his voice did sound sexy). Cecil was from a podcast from 2012. Learning this, Reigen felt even more assured in his victory. No matter how popular this Cecil character may have been in 2012, Reigen had one over him in terms of relevance.

To Reigen's shock, his match against Cecil turned out to be much tougher than all his previous rounds. He soon learned the error he made in assuming Cecil's podcast faded years ago, for as it turned out, Welcome to Night Vale was still ongoing. Worse yet, Cecil's character writing kept up pace so that he was still as sexy by today's standards as he had been in 2012. Where Reigen cocked his hip in a slutty way and waved his hand around rapidly, Cecil rivalled him by wearing cat ears to work and gushing about his gay husband (who was CANON. How was Reigen supposed to go up against a CANON gay character?!)

But, no, there had to be some other secret to Cecil's success. After all, he didn't make it nearly as far in the Twitter poll. As Cecil paused in the middle of the competition to pull out his phone, Reigen finally saw why: Cecil had a Tumblr account. He had already familiarized himself with the website's culture long before Reigen entered the picture.

As Cecil's votes piled on unrelentlessly, Reigen became nervous. Could he really lose before reaching second place again? Reigen attempted to distract Cecil with a Salt Splash, but Cecil countered him by saying something about "the weather" and causing a random song to play out of nowhere, which disarmed Reigen long enough to gain Cecil another vote.

Now growing desperate, Reigen scanned through the audience, and that was when he saw him: Mob, standing among the crowd of Tumblrinas, watching his Shishou with his usual autistic stare. Reigen's first thought was how embarassing it must be for Mob to witness his teacher lose like this, but then he remembered his last match in Twitter, and what Mob told him afterward. Mob had wanted Reigen not to worry about what other people thought of him.

Reigen suddenly felt ashamed. How could he have forgotten Mob's words so quickly, and what was he teaching his disciple now, by entering a rematch of that contest? His vexation disappeared, to be replaced by a quiet resignation. As the poll drew to a close, and Cecil remained in the lead, Reigen decided to implement one last Special Move: Accepting His Defeat.

One second away from the poll's end, Cecil spoke in his smooth radio host voice, "Good news, listeners: #CECILSWEEP." The crowd erupted into cheers as the round's winner was announced to be Cecil.

Reigen somberly turned to walk off the stage. But before he could reach the end, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to see Cecil standing next to him. Cecil had one question for him... would he like to be mutuals on Tumblr?

Reigen's eyes teared up.

Maybe the true Tumblr sexyman was the friends we made along the way.

@sexymanotd

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

they're/their, you're/your and it's/its

Idk suddenly remembered that a lot of you maggots aren't native English speakers and even native speakers sometimes struggle with this so I thought I'd try and help:

They're and their are both extremely common words, pronounced the same way, spelt differently, and with different meanings. Same with you're and your, and with it's and its.

Fun fact, pairs or groups like that are called homophones. Why? Because they hate gay people (I'm kidding, that's homophobes, with a b).

Okay, so THEY'RE is just a contraction (short form) of they are. When a letter (or more) is removed from a word, an apostrophe (the ' symbol) takes its place.

So they are becomes they're.

Which is how you can differentiate it from THEIR, which is a separate word, without any contraction, that's a possessive pronoun (transphobes everywhere faint at the mention of pronouns).

Possessive pronouns = words that indicate something belongs to something else, to put it as simply as I can.

Do not picture 2010 Wattpad bad boy kind of possessiveness. Don't do it.

The same thing happens with you are, it becomes YOU'RE. Which is why it's different from YOUR, which is a possessive pronoun again.

Similarly, it is becomes IT'S by removing the i of the is. Different from ITS, which is a possessive pronoun.

If you have difficulty choosing which one to use, the simple way would be to expand the contraction to see if the sentence still makes sense.

For example, They're going to yeet that out of the window. Is they're the correct word? They are going to yeet that out of the window. Yes, it makes sense.

What about, They're relatives are coming home tonight?

Expand the contraction. They are relatives are coming home tonight. It doesn't make sense, does it? You're trying to say the relatives belong to whoever the mysterious 'they' is.

The belonging implies a possessive pronoun, so the actual correct sentence would be: Their relatives are coming home tonight.

It's Wednesday (It is Wednesday), but The Tumblr sexyman ran into its hole (not it is hole, but its hole, as in the hole belongs to it).

You're reading this post (you are reading this post), but Your sanity is being ruined by this hellsite (not you are sanity, but your sanity, as in the sanity belongs to you).

(not for long, though, no one retains their sanity on this stupid site)

ANYWAY I hope I helped a bit with my weird ramble and if you're struggling with English, don't worry, homie, native English speakers around the world literally have fucking international competitions where the only challenge is to spell words.

(They're called Spelling Bees, look them up.)

(Everyone is struggling with English.)

(English is to languages what Tumblr is to social media.)

[cvbullshit]

I just realized something about myself

I really don't like the Sans AU Sexyman thing

I don't like that it's hosted on Twitter for some ungodly reason, I don't like the sudden competition and "Vote ___" propaganda. Even if it's in good fun for others, I simply realized it gives me the ick.

I'm all for aggressively joking about being competitive, spreading propaganda, ect.

But I just realized I don't like it when it's like this.

When it's genuinely a competition on what skeleton is hotter when opinions are subjective.

I may sound like a bit of a hypocrite due to my slightly recent joke ship name war(that so happened to be taken seriously by outside people). But again, that was a joke and I'm all in for joke wars/competition. But this doesn't feel like a joke in some areas, it could be viewed as just for fun since it's over a silly little title that holds no real meaning. But I just don't personally like it especially when it's treated as a big deal.

I don't like the "___ sweep" propaganda, I don't like the aggressive behavior that doesn't come off as a joke.

Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe I just learned from my own mistakes of somehow coming off as genuinely serious over a stupid thing.

I don't know, I don't care.

I'm just typing my thoughts right now because I did kinda think it was so weird that I was genuinely frustrated with the polls outside of the fact that they're being hosted on Twitter(which is still bullshit btw).

And I'm just realizing that I don't like this in general.

TL;DR:

Some random idiot on the internet gives their unwanted opinion on the Sans AU Sexyman polls, look at this loser harmlessly express their opinion that doesn't apply to you what-so-ever lmao

[dingdinghq]

Guys. DSMPblr. We have a mission.

Here are the oppositions for the next sexyman bracket. Quackity is our remaining non-hermit.

Now, Joe Hills is a strong competitor. He's in on all of it too, which means he's campaigning his fans a whole lot more than Quackity. However, we have numbers and unity on our side.

I propose that we - the entirety of DSMPblr, Quackblr, and non-Hermitblr in general - lay down our pitchforks that are meant for each other and instead rally behind Quackity. Hermitblr is disconnected right now, they're all fighting, which is perfect for us. There's only one DSMPer left. Only one non-hermit left.

If this fandom has never had unity before, we need to have it for the first time now for this stupid competition. We need to all collectively vote Quackity, to make sure the round after this one is not all hermits, because that's boring, and we can't let this be some dumb fight in Hermitblr while we're all left on the sidelines with nothing to do.

(I'm taking this far too seriously, but I don't care. I don't want this to be a Hermitblr sexymen bracket, I want this to stay MCYTblr. If that means making weirdly dramatic posts on Tumblr, then so be it.)

[monstergirlthighs]

I cannot believe the ultimate tumblr sexyman, a competition based on appearance, is a character with supposedly NO canon appearance. It’s like that thing in horror where’s it’s scarier if it’s not described. We let our brains fill in the blank and made the sexiest man ever. I hate this stupid website

[combatbootsanddreams]

No Ronald Regan was not a Tumblr Sexyman contestant

Me and my little sister* were having a conversation about the Tumblr sexyman competition vs the Twitter sexyman competition and she was talking about how the demographics would make the results funky and I was confused because fairly similar people were probably voting on both. Then she said well the people who are voting for Reigen weren’t the type of people who would vote for anime characters.

Me: Reigen is an anime character

Sis: Wait I thought they meant Ronald Regan like the former president I thought it was a stupid choice they threw in for a joke that people went along with so he could get beat by Sans.

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing* No but the last 15 minutes of this conversation make so much more sense now.

Cue both of us in uncontrollable giggles for the next 10 minutes

*Sis not only gave me permission to tell this story but suggested I blog about it.

[digdeepergravedigger09]

I think at this point everybody here is sufficiently already a tumblr sexyman, now it's just trying to figure out which of them is the most tumblr. and which of them has the most fans. Either way, I hope to see more fanart of all of them's propaganda, this is fun. :D

Which reminds me, guys, this is all just for fun, don't go about bashing people who literally did not ask to be in this competition. This stupid internet competition that DOES NOT MATTER.

[next-top-sexyman]

I just want to vouch for my boy Zahnrad Skeleton Boomerang again

The man's a vampire and his design consists of two other important bits for this competition:

Body is just a black void with facial expressions and occasionally hands outlined in red (appeals to people who like expressive monsters)

He wears a really nice suit complete with cravat. Straight up dressed like the 1800s. Stylish!

Other fun facts:

His name's just the German word for "Gear" and he speaks vith zat stupid accent but will kick your ass so many times

I don't think he's intentionally designed to be sexyman bait but his character designer used to be around on tumblr before the nsfw purge of 2018 so I'm sure the sexymen of old subconsciously inspired him somewhat

Anyway I also hope that he gets in just so more people will check out Skeleton Boomerang even if Zahnrad doesn't win. it's a fun game

.

[topazshadowwolf]

Win or Lose

I wrote a thing concerning the "Tumblr Sexyman among AU Sans" contest currently going on. (link to it: here.) Currently, Noot is up against Glitchy. And while I'm rooting for my Dadmare, this made me think about how he would react to this...

----

Nightmare sat in the library feeling as content as could be. This was his favorite armchair, he was reading a good book, and a warm drink beside him. All of this was pleasant. All of this was good. His home, his castle, literally so, was no longer a lonely space with his boys men around. Even if they were not in his presence, knowing they were there when he had need of them, or vice versa, was all he needed to feel at peace. Nightmare was, after all, an introvert at soul.

Just as the action was building in his book, he heard a voice and thundering of multiple feet in the hall. “boss!” Killer, and by the sound of it, the rest of them as well. Sure enough, Killer burst into the library with Cross right behind. As for Horror and Dust, they both made a slower and calmer entrance. In Killer’s hand was one of their cell phones with something up that he was trying to show Nightmare.

“it’s now you versus error!” Killer said with a grin.

“yeah… but you’re currently losing…,” Cross sighed.

Placing his bookmark, he set the book aside to continue later. Nightmare took the phone and looked at the screen to see what was concerning his henchmen so much. “Ah… this is that,” Nightmare paused for a moment in thought, “attractiveness contest you all were discussing. I was entered?”

“don’t you remember us saying you beat horror?” Killer asked, and Nightmare hummed.

“Yes, I remember now,” Nightmare looked at the previous pairings and then got a smug grin. “So, I beat my brother as well; it seems that his boyish charm only got him so far. That was likely your downfall, too, Cross. In the end, maturity will win as it is an aspect of attractiveness on its own.”

“yes, but… what should we do? you’re losing to that glitch?” Killer asked, and Nightmare looked up from the phone to the henchmen and then back down to the phone.

He looked over the competition for a moment, sighed, and offered the phone back. “I may be two steps away from being diagnosed as a narcissist, but I don’t care what a bunch of mortals think of me on the internet. The fact I beat my brother is victory enough for me. Besides, if Error wins, look at who he will be up against next. I may not have a crystal ball, but I highly doubt Error could win against Fell in a contest of that nature. And Fell is winning his current contest easily.”

Picking back up his book, he opened it up as he leaned back into his chair, “As to how Fatal Error got that far with his face looking like that is a wonder. TucanSans clearly has more…,” Nightmare twirled a tendril as some do a hand while searching for the right word, “appeal, at least in the classical sense. Either there has been a major shift in what is considered physically attractive, or this has devolved into a popularity contest.”

“so, you don’t care?” Cross asked.

“Please, I have a big enough ego that I am interested in the results. But is it big enough to have you four campaign for me? No. First of all, you four would somehow mess things up.”

“yeah, we would,” Dust said with a grin.

“As much as I would love to gloat this over that stupid glitch, the idea of him losing to Fell, ‘Abomination 13’ as he calls him, makes me grin. That hobo likely isn’t even aware this contest is happening as he hides in the Antivoid, eating chocolate and watching UnderNovela. When he finds out, and I will be sure he does, I know there will be no place he could go, no distraction he could think of, that will hide the negative emotions he will feel,” Nightmare grinned, “So, win or lose, it is a victory for me.”

[princess-of-purple-prose]

[ID: Image one is a tweet thread. Tumblr Sexyman OTD @sexymanOTD says in all caps: "And with that. Sans Undertale has officially been crowned ultimate Tumblr sexyman." Attached is a picture of Sans grinning in front of the tournament bracket with confetti edited around him. Toby Fox replies with a screenshot of text, posted in full as image two. It reads:

Having cheated his way to the last round of the competition, Reigen finds himself face to face with Sans, who got there by doing literally nothing. Although Reigen has an early lead, he decides if he wants to cinch this. he's going to have to collude with his competition. He's surprised when Sans, who was entered in the contest unwittingly by his brother (he didn't know what the competition was for) is glad to help him win free of charge. They both run a series of debates where Reigen dismantles Sans by proving how utterly unattractive he is. As the debates continue. Reigen puts on boy-band-style makeup and works out to become extra attractive. However, mysteriously, Sans's vote only seems to be increasing despite this. Sans mentions that Reigen forgot that being unattractive is one of the key tenets of becoming a popular guy on tumblr.

Emotionally crushed that he possibly ever wasn't actually attractive at all. Reigen considers falling out of the competition. However. he's cheered up by Mob, who says that Reigen should to remember what he taught him: He should have confidence regardless of what anyone thinks of him.

On the final day of the campaign. Reigen shows up with rings under his eyes, a five-o-clock-shadow, and a dad bod. Without saying anything, he takes out a sandwich on stage and stuffs it into his mouth. He follows up with his "special attack." putting his fingers in his mouth like that one picture of Peter from Spiderverse. The audience cheers, and Reigen's polling makes a massive comeback.

In the end. the results are revealed.

Sans won by a single vote.

Reigen can't believe it. One vote!? How could he lose by ONE VOTE!? Even that stupid skeleton voted for him!

Mob shows up and says offhand that since tumblr sexymen are unattractive. he wanted Reigen to have self-confidence. not rely on what other people think of him. Therefore he voted for Sans. Reigen doesn't know how to feel about this. End ID]

TOBY?!?

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

Bandit: yeah ive watched bluey before, 10/10 best thing to ever happen its very silly. anyway bandit is like bluey and bingo's dad so hes in a lot of episodes. hes also Australian because the show is Australian. usually hes the one to play games with bluey and bingo and go along with them, like i kid you not he can be VERY committed to the bit, its funny. he loves his wife and hes kinda tired all the time which is why i think hes considered a sexyman. one time there was an episode where him and his friends were ripping up stumps and havnig a lot of fun with it. i dont know why i added that detail but i did anyway Christopher: hes in a vocaloid song by ghost. he does gaslighting and he smashes the mirrors that show him his true form and then claims that it was the mirrors fault. yeah hes an asshole. also he can do really freakish things with his spine. like he can twist himself around like total 360 and all. at the end of his song the mirrors that he's been smashing burn him and then according to one of the tags he ends up in some kind of alternate dimension i think. and then another tag told me thats not confirmed so we dont know what really happened to him. AND he has a banger ass theme song. go gaslighter boy swing that bat

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

John Notwoodman: He was the host of SiIvagunner King For A Day and King For Another Day. He would give info on how to submit rips, vote, and he cannonically was an announcer for it as well. yes he is Not Woodman, hes a completely seperate guy, i think ive seen people drawing him and woodman kissing in the past. he also once framed woodman for murder so he could steal woodmans mansion because hes a HUGE FAN OF EDDIE MURPHY'S HAUNTED MANSION Little King John: he was in that one Potato Knishes video that everyone saw like 5 years ago and went "holy fucking shit this is so weird lol" but turns out theres a full fledged series with this guy!!! hes the antagonist and according to the wiki he was conceived in minecraft????????? he used to rule a kingdom but it got flooded so he wants to make a new one. and hes the antagonist because he kidnapped ratboy genius' girlfriend but hes silly from what i can tell. ask a ratboy genius fan bc im sure i got some stuff wrong

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

Marvin The Martian: hes probally very well known but if you dont know who he is, hes a martian who wants to blow up the earth/take it over, but daffy duck (aka DUCK DODGERS) usually thwarts him and shenagins ensue. hes the main antagonist of duck dodgers because hes the Martian commander, i would have more to add but honestly ive havent watched the show in a while. i think he also has an unrequited crush on the Martian queen in that show. he's also very blorbo to a lot of people and hes a loony toon so of COURSE he's got a lotta history and stuff Christopher: hes in a vocaloid song by ghost. he does gaslighting and he smashes the mirrors that show him his true form and then claims that it was the mirrors fault. yeah hes an asshole. also he can do really freakish things with his spine. like he can twist himself around like total 360 and all. at the end of his song the mirrors that he's been smashing burn him and then according to one of the tags he ends up in some kind of alternate dimension i think. and then another tag told me thats not confirmed so we dont know what really happened to him. AND he has a banger ass theme song. go gaslighter boy swing that bat

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

Crazy Dave: hes the tutorial guy in plants vs zombies for like. all of the games. and he explains that he knows stuff/does things BECAUSE HES CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYY tbh hes actually really helpful if you really think about it. he makes like grunting and yelling noises, and also hes a really skilled inventor. i think he has lore with the zomboss idk The Man In The Yellow Hat: hes also a scientist, more exactly a researcher and like researches nature or something idk. hes curious georges dad and works at the museum. hes kinda shown as a tired father figure in the curious george movies who is ran ragged by curious george but he slowly finds that theres value in how curious and empathetic george is. i think idk. the cartoon was nice i watched it a lot as a kid. his real name is Ted. he was voiced by will farrel in the movies???

[sexymanbattleroyale]

description for these guys under the cut, in case you dont know who they are

Bandit: yeah ive watched bluey before, 10/10 best thing to ever happen its very silly. anyway bandit is like bluey and bingo's dad so hes in a lot of episodes. hes also Australian because the show is Australian. usually hes the one to play games with bluey and bingo and go along with them, like i kid you not he can be VERY committed to the bit, its funny. he loves his wife and hes kinda tired all the time which is why i think hes considered a sexyman. John Notwoodman: John is a minor character in the SiIvaGunner universe. In their first appearance in the King For a Day tournament, they were simply Wood Man in disguise. This also applied to their second appearance, in the Christmas Comeback Crisis Side Story Unusual Circumstances. However, in their third appearance in the animated short SiIvaGunner Spooktacular Halloween Horror Special Part III, he was revealed to be an entirely different character with different goals and aspirations, and began being interpreted as such in future appearances. His personality is one of charm and dignity. Despite acting as a sort of doppelganger to Wood Man, he's much more formal and solemn, and speaks in a much more elaborate manner. Despite that, she seems to have a very unexpected love for the Halloween movie The Haunted Mansion (infamously known for being an incredibly mediocre kids' movie). This seems to show that, despite his elaborate persona, he can be just as silly as Wood Man, if not more so. (I straight up ripped this from his sexypedia entry bc i didnt wanna risk getting anything super wrong. its pretty good (nice, even) and its written by one of the john notwoodman fans who follows this competition so. yeah. hi there if you wanna be credited I can do that)