#stuffed full or however that goes i guess

[ratatatastic]

the beautiful sights and sounds of giving a mouse a cookie or rather a rat a whole buffet of finnish delicacies he has no hope of ever finishing by himself that hes reduced to small nibbles lest he keels over and dies from how full he is

[nerosdayinanime]

Please post more about giyu just dating everyone

i should...... gonna start right now cuz ive actually thought about mitsugiyu for the GiyuusFuckingSad au- when hes still moping around in the cafeteria corner she pops over because she saw shinobu, shinobu stops her excited rambling and explains that its Quiet Time and shes like 'oh! okay! i can be quiet!' and she just hangs around to doodle in her sketchbook across from them. giyuu once again baffled by another random girl deciding she wants to hang out near(with?) him when hes literally never said a word in response.

she sees him in the halls and tries to talk with him, he responds minimally but shes encouraged by any response at all and talks to him outside the cafeteria any chance she gets- giyuu's incredibly confused as to why she likes talking to him so much, but one time when he realizes he missed the turn to his class about three halls ago finally notices how much he enjoys listening to her stories (he ended up just walking her to class to hear the end of the story, he was a few minutes late when he got back to his own)

when shinobu starts inviting him to little outings with her friends mitsuri's the first to welcome him, kyojuro and suma quickly follow and hes. very overwhelmed. why did he get introduced to the loudest ones of the friend group first?? contrary to what he thought would happen though, they actually love him and despite how hype the three of them get (and how not hype he usually is) he doesn't ever feel left out or pushed to the side (physically speaking too- suma frequently hangs off him since hes the most stable one around now and mitsuri & kyojuro aren't hesitant to pull him in to make him focus on whatever they're talking about. he likes how free they are with affection towards him like that)

months later he's acquainted with and knows the whole group and they're all out at a restaurant chatting and having fun- giyuu notices how entranced everyone else is at kyojuro's retelling of a story and he can't help but think how much sabito would like them all... mitsuri stops paying attention to kyo and turns to him, "Giyuu? Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "You're crying"

the grief finally hits, the tears get heavier despite his attempts at drying them before he starts to panic and excuses himself- he practically runs out and mitsuri worriedly glances back at everyone before excusing herself and running after him. she follows him to the side of the restaurant in the little alley where hes having his breakdown and hugs him- he buries his face in her shoulder and holds back shaking like a leaf for a while before the worst of it passes. she asks what happened, "I-i just- he'd like you all.. he would've loved to meet you.." she knows who hes talking about- well.. she knows he was extremely important to giyuu, and that something happened and he's not around anymore, and that its extremely painful for giyuu to talk about so he just doesn't. she says shes honored by his thought and goes on to try to calm him down/cheer him up, his face looks a mess from the splotchy flush and eye liner- it got smudged to hell and back and hes a little embarrassed by it. only for a moment tho because mitsuri immediately offers to fix it for him. when they're finally ready to go back in they notice obanai standing at the entrance of the alleyway, blocking the view from outsiders. "aw! you're so thoughtful obanai!" "You two good to head back inside now?" "how long were you standing there?" "long enough, you worried everyone running off like that" "sorry.." "don't apologize, idiot. c'mon, lets go eat" and they followed an excited mitsuri back to the rest of the group.

after that mitsuri started inviting him to her apartment to practice makeup art on him since she knew he was okay with it. he was good at sitting still and he liked how gently she touched and moved his face however while she worked, quiet and serene with her music playing from the room over- the first thing she tried out was a simple little water-esque mark on his left cheek. when he was finally allowed to look at it he remembered the time when they were kids and sabito backhanded him there for saying he wished he had died with his sister. remembered how badly he wished he could have gone with sabito too. remembered his final words, 'promise me you'll love again'

he looks back up at mitsuri with a little smile, maybe that promise isn't as impossible for me to keep as i thought. "i like it" "oooh! i just had another idea! what if i made it look like a stream of water coming out the corners of your mouth!?"

[hedgehog-moss]

I bought a roll of chicken netting to fence off my vegetable garden—which I haven't planted yet because it's been raining every single day for like two months and I didn't want my young tomato plants to rot, but the weather is finally improving. I'll plant my garden next week, and I wanted to trim the grass around it and clear the area of weeds, but then I remembered I have animals that can do this job.

So I opened the pasture in front of the (future) garden. Currently it looks like a long pile of dirt, because that's what it is (well, compost + llama manure + dirt)—but look how long it is! I'm feeling ambitious this year and I have quintupled the length of my initial hügelkultur mound.

You might be surprised to learn that Pirlouit was the first animal who noticed the opening in the fence and got out. It's not actually surprising because Pirou has a fresh grass-dar—but Pampe was very much surprised & vexed.

Everyone looked really happy to have access to this new little area!

Initially I thought I would be able to continue preparing the garden while they were eating, but I quickly realised I was too paranoid for that. I mean, it's Pampe vs. a small temporary fence meant for chickens. Enough said. I didn't dare to turn my back on her even for a minute, so I ended up just sitting in the grass next to them with a book, which was really nice.

Pampe decided to lie down in the grass to eat more comfortably, something Pirlouit still deeply disapproves of.

Poldine however thinks it's a brilliant idea.

Update: all my llamas are now horizontal, eating like three Roman emperors. Only Pirlouit continues to mind his table manners.

Of course this peacefulness couldn't last, and after stuffing herself with new grass for half an hour, Pampe remembered there was also a new fence to think about.

She decided to lie down again 5 centimetres away from it, so she could inspect it and strategise while maintaining a demeanour of relaxed innocence.

I was not relaxed.

You are exhausting.

At 7:30pm I started feeling torn, because I don't like to miss apéritif time but—could I run to the kitchen to get a glass of apéritif and some biscuits and run back before Pampe had time to do anything? (The kitchen is 15 metres away.) (I feel like this detail doesn't change anything and if I inserted a poll here everyone would massively vote "Pampe will have time to escape")

But you would be wrong!! When I returned from my quick and suspenseful dash to the kitchen, guess who was on the verge of doing something illegal...?

PAMPOLDINE. Bad llama!! She was interested in tasting the flowers on the other side and she was pretty bashful when I shooed her away.

I believe the only reason Pampérigouste didn't escape is because she assumed her daughter was about to, so her family's reputation was maintained, she would get to see me run and curse llamakind and straighten the fence grumpily, and she didn't even have to get up.

Which goes to show that she doesn't escape due to a deep and unquenchable thirst for freedom, but to aggravate me personally.

I settled on my ash wood throne to have apéritif, comfortably seated in full view of all the animals—

—so of course Pampe immediately got up and went to inspect the fence on the other end of this little pen, behind the hazel tree that was blocking my line of sight, in the one place that I couldn't see from my seat.

I had to get up to see what she was doing (and angrily wave a stick in her direction until she moved away) and when I returned to my tree stump there was a little insect swimming in my wine. Pampe lay down again, pleased with herself.

When it was dinner time and I kindly invited everyone to return to the pasture (Pirlouit & Pampelune complied without fuss), Pampe suddenly lay completely flat in the grass, in what was clearly an attempt to make herself invisible and be forgotten all by herself in this barely-fenced area, kind of like children who dream of being locked in a toy shop overnight.

I haven't taken my eyes off you all evening. Of course I can see you.

I had to poke her with my stick until she deigned to get up and leave (Poldine followed), but all in all it was a very successful little outing. I might do this regularly throughout the summer to keep the grass trimmed in this area, although the difficulty level will be greatly increased when I have to patrol the fence and protect my vegetables at the same time.

I'll add that when I went out later in the evening to close the chicken coop, Poldine & Pampelune were far away, grazing together under the plum trees, meanwhile Pirlouit and Pampe were still queueing in front of the part of the fence that was previously open. Both waiting for me to let them access this heavenly garden again (but with different motivations)

[mari-the-bimbo]

Checkmate

A/N: This is part of the ‘think I need someone older’ series because I’m very behind on it whoopsie! Also have I watched Queen Gambit? No. Did I use the show as inspo anyways? Yes! :D

MINORS DNI, 18+, blow job, semi public sex? Dirty talk,

“You again Geto?” you ask with a sigh as you watch the older, handsome man with his jet black hair tied back, patiently wait for you at the table.

“Hey beautiful”

You try your best to hide your smile from the handsome man who always managed to win every other chess game to land at a game with you.

“You sound disappointed to see me y/n, I’m hurt” he says playfully as you sit at the table, scanning the board, preparing for a game of chess with him.

“Yet you find yourself here every time” you retort, he chuckles nonetheless as he begins. “I enjoy it” he says.

“I’ll never understand why you enjoy playing chess in a pub full of old men though” he says. You shrug your shoulders “I’m just better than all of you” you say as you move a pawn.

He laughs amusedly, it echoes across the room littered with a few nearly middle aged men, none of them gorgeous as your favourite opponent.

“so cocky” he swoons. “And what if I won today?”

“You won’t” you say confidently with a smile, he can’t help but mirror your smile. He was so lovesick for you.

“You wanna bet on that?” He says, you give a breathy laugh at his eagerness. “Ok bet”

“And what happens if I win the bet?” He asks, causing you to halt your next move on the bishop.

You raise an eyebrow at the mischievous male, debating whether letting the simp have a favour from you is a wise idea.

“What would you want to do if you won?” You ask. Fuck being wise right?

He smiles knowingly, licking his lips, but it’s too late to take back words.

“You let me have my way with you”

Your breath hitches at his statement. You glare at him. “What does that mean?”

“It means you can help me out with something I really need” he says.

“Oh really?” You say as you move another player, your head goes fuzzy for a second. Wait, was that the right player to move?

“Mhm, just a little something under the table” he says dirtily as he confidently moves another player.

You gulp at his suggestive words, you know what a man obsessed with you would want, but you never expected him to have this effect on you “what?” You say as you move your king.

He smiles before leaning in closer to you. You feel his breath on your neck, “is your mouth as good as your hands?” he rasps and you gasp, pulling away from him, glaring at the man.

However Geto’s dark eyes were no longer on you but rather your king who he just put into check.

“Checkmate”

You stare in disbelief at the board. How did he defeat you? He never wins against you, nor does he ever come close to it.

“You-“

“Aww man all the guys have left. They didn’t get to witness this beautiful victory” he mocks with a smile.

You squeeze your thighs together, hating yourself for choosing your desire for the handsome chess genius over your own ego.

He tilts his head and flashes a pretty smile at you as he unzips his jeans. “Well I guess it’s good they’re not here to witness what’s next huh?”

———————————-

You were, in fact thankful that all the other chess enthusiasts left. The pub staff too busy sitting inside, having a cigarette to know Geto’s dirty antics.

You’re not surprised when upon freeing his cock from his boxers, you found it was already rock hard and decorated with pre cum. He was horny this entire game?

“Dirty pervert” you mutter.

He laughs at you while reaching out a hand to caress your cheek, “you seen the faces you pull when you’re concentrating? How can a man resist?”

“You-“

But your sentence is cut off by Geto’s tip which he now shoved against your lips, pre cum wetting them.

“Nu uh, you can run your mouth when you win a game princess, until then, it’ll be stuffed with my cock” he says, leaving no room for protest.

He pets your hair as the pre cum around his pink thick cock gets licked up by you. He moans deliciously, singing your praises from his mouth.

“Ohhhh pretty girl, your mouth is just as good”

He enthusiastically grabs your head with his thick veiny hand to press his cock deeper into your mouth. You initially struggle to fit the girth of him in, but your choking is only music to his ears.

He laughs blissfully at the sound, “so cuteee” he moans, his hips thrusting harder every time, because the wet gummy feeling of inside your mouth was just too good against his length.

Your whimpers vibrate against his sensitive head, his praises is now mixed with curses as he ruts into your mouth as if you were a sex toy. His thick arm grabbing the wooden table for stability, because, oh god, it was so easy to lose his composure with a pretty thing like you in between his legs.

Heavy balls slap against your chin, and the drool trails down your face but you try to keep up with his eager stamina.

Finally he slows his pace when he makes you aware he’s about to cum, the creamy taste of his cum flows down your throat as well as trickling down your chin mixing with your spit.

You’re both panting as you finally take his length out of your mouth and look up at him from in between his legs.

It takes everything in you not to suck him off again as you watch him slump against the chair, black hair strands frame his face dishevelled, his muscular chest heaving as he lets out a satisfied sigh.

“Hey princess” he coos as he grabs your chin, pressing his sweaty forehead against yours, he kisses your wet lips for continuing. “Maybe you should let me win more often yeah? I promise I’ll eat you out next time”

You give him a breathy laugh against his lips, “in your dreams Suguru” you say, even though you know you’ll take him up on the offer.

[princelylove]

Sometimes it just feels better to turn your brain off and let someone else do aaaallll of the thinking for you.

Dumbification comes in a few different forms. Dollification and bimbofication, mainly. What's the difference?

Wellll. Dollification could be a number of things. People like all different kinds of dolls. Porcelain ones that sit on the shelf and do nothing but collect dust all day, action figures that can be posed, sex dolls that you inflate like a balloon and have your way with, rag dolls that have been through the war, actual stuffed animals, the list goes on. A doll is anything their owner wants them to be that day. That's what playing pretend is all about!

I see quite a few of my yandere interpretations being into dollifcation for their darling. Unfortunately not many for themself, but it's alright.

I think it's obvious that Jotaro loves dolls. Porcelain dolls, those fabric dolls with frilly dresses... he thinks they're just oh-so-cute. It's a shame they break so easily. He usually would go for someone that's already a bit doll-like- maybe their skin resembles porcelain, or their fashion sense makes for an obvious comparison.

I've spoken a bit in the past about Jotaro's fascination with lolita fashion, but it really does make a little too much sense to me. It scratches an itch for him. You either get it or you don't. The 'sweeter' styles- classic lolita, sweet lolita, hime lolita, even gothic lolita, they're all appealing. It's not necessarily the colors, it's about the amount of frills and lace and layers. He probably has a thing for petticoats because of it.

Jotaro's ideal day with his favorite dolly is nothing special. He'd prefer his doll on a shelf, safe and sound from the elements. It's not that he's a collector, it's that his darling is his prized possession. Taking care of it makes sense. He just wishes you'd stop thinking so much.

Yukako thinks you're better when you're finally broken in. You're just so much cuter when you let her dress you up and take you out! It irks her that you're not talking, but she can get you a voice box! Communication cards? Something! Maybe you're just shy. Aha. Ahahahahahahahahahahha.

She thinks a darling with a modern, feminine fashion sense is the cutest. Girly, but fitting for her age. If that isn't what she initially wears, Yukako has no problem gifting her some pieces here and there until her closet is full of cute clothes! Or, just. You know. Kidnapping her and not giving her any say in the matter. Either works. Have fun taking lots of pictures with Yukako!

There's a lot of yandere interpretations of mine that enjoy 'total bombshells,' but what about an actual bimbo? For some yanderes, it's about taking an entirely normal person and making them a mindless slut, for others it's about trapping one out in the wild and taking it home. It's your own little barbie! Or a bratz doll, depending on their style, I guess. Who can really tell?

Pannacotta isn't the type to openly degrade someone, his insults take a second or two to really process. He loves the adorable look on your face while you're thinking about it. Really, he's fine with you dressing however you want to, he just wanted you to know that it's fine in the first place. You know, some people don't prefer their girlfriends to dress like that, but he doesn't mind at all.

He knows how to keep his darling in the mindset. I think I've spoken a bit about Pannacotta's inclination for mind games and conditioning, of course he's into the process of bimbofication. So rewarding to do it himself, even more rewarding to keep his darling in such a state. It's a slow process, but it's worth it. He's more patient than his interactions with Narancia would have you believe. You're not Narancia, are you? Gooood, no you're not. It's simple, really. Reward behaviors you want to repeat, punish behaviors you want to stop. The reward depends on the darling, but the punishment.... it's Pannacotta. You can guess.

His conditioning is very slow. It takes a while to break someone in, but it takes an even longer while to learn someone's exact niche. He starts off by 'helping' with simple things. Things you can absolutely do by yourself, but are currently having an issue with. He'll use a machine for you, like a coffee machine or a ticket machine. Can't think of a word? Tell him the definition, he'll help. Pannacotta's gentle and firm, and fine with taking the time to learn what makes his darling tick. He loves to study, anyway. He'll figure out what his darling appreciates, and harp on it. It's often infantilizing, but hey, Panna's just Like That. Oftentimes both Guido and Narancia will excuse his behavior for him, the guy's a bit of a control freak. Just let him have whatever he's worried about and the guy'll go away.

He likes to emphasize the syllables in 'big' words here and there for you. Slowly says them, even. It's im...pera...tive... that you don't forget to call him back later.

Jolyne has never felt comfortable embracing her girlier side, she appreciates people that are openly feminine and comfortable about it. She just has a sort of mental block when it comes to her own femininity- she used to love being called "Jojo," and God knows what other cutesy, girly names, but now cringes at the thought. To her, femininity is vulnerability, and she's just not ready to embrace her old self again. Pretending- no, really being- tough is her new way of life. A darling that's already feminine, and needs her.... it's hitting a niche she didn't think she'd like.

Honestly, the dumber they are, the better. The first time Jolyne ever heard her darling say "Huuuh?" it was love. She wouldn't consider herself to be above average when it comes to stuff like that, but she's smart enough, in her eyes. She loooves when her darling asks her questions- rely on her. Keep coming to her. No, she's got zero fuckin' idea how half of the shit you're asking about works, but she can read something and sum it up for you. Maybe read it to you, add in a few extra words she thinks you don't know... (Author's note: Jolyne actually does know some niche things, she pulls out a Mobius strip in canon. Her intelligence and creativity is negated by the fact that darling is probably asking if she knows if there's carbs in butter. No idea, sweetheart.... no idea. Let's go look.)

Jolyne isn't really one for mind games, so breaking in her darling isn't going to come naturally. She's more likely to fall for someone that's already like that, or shows signs of it. Jolyne's someone that struggles to use her words, but finds it easy to do things for someone she likes or bring them gifts. Girls like you like makeup, yeah? Here. She'll leave it where only you could find it- assuming you're both in jail, she'd put it in your bed, under the covers. Seriously prays you aren't all tuckered out after headcount and don't just drop your dead weight on this palette she had to fork over a benjamin for....

It's worth it when she gets to watch your lips as you talk. Perfect, glossy.... sooo much happier now that she's helping you express yourself... Huh? She heard you, yeah. Say it again though, but slower...

[pepi1989]

Also (me again) a long ben Shelton about your first date? Like maybe Bryan had to give Ben the confidence to ask you out after being friends with you for so long and you’re both at a red carpet event when he does ask you in private and how that date goes/ what he plans and how he dresses and how it ends etc.

More Than Friends - Ben Shelton

Ben’s hands felt a little too warm, stuffed in his pockets as he shifted awkwardly. The red carpet was full of flashing cameras, people calling his name, but all he could focus on was you. You stood just a few feet away, smiling as you posed for a few photos. Your outfit was stunning, perfectly suited for the glitz of the event, and Ben couldn’t help but stare.

“Man, you gotta ask her out tonight,” his dad, Bryan, had told him earlier. “You’ve been friends for too long to not give it a shot. Just go for it.”

But the thought of ruining the friendship, the one constant he had, made his chest tighten. You and Ben had been friends for so long that asking you out felt like crossing some invisible line he wasn’t sure he was ready for. But here you were, more beautiful than ever, and Bryan’s words echoed in his head.

As the event wrapped up and the cameras shifted elsewhere, Ben caught your eye. “Hey,” he started, voice steady despite the nerves bubbling underneath. “You wanna get out of here for a bit?”

You raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at your lips. “Ditching the red carpet already?”

Ben chuckled, running a hand through his short curls. “Yeah, well, I had something else in mind.”

You followed him out of the chaotic scene, slipping into the quiet behind the scenes. The city lights outside the venue glowed softly through the large windows, casting everything in a warm, golden hue. Ben paused and turned to face you, the tension finally catching up to him.

“Look,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’ve been thinking… for a while now actually, and I know we’re friends, good friends, but I was wondering if you’d wanna go on a date with me? Like, tonight?”

You blinked, surprised but clearly amused. “Ben, are you asking me out on a date… after dragging me out of a red carpet event?”

He laughed, the nervous energy bubbling out as he looked away for a second. “Yeah, I guess I am. But I’ve had this planned, trust me.”

You tilted your head, clearly intrigued. “Planned, huh? Alright, Shelton, I’m in.”

The rooftop was perfect. String lights were strung up above, casting a soft glow over the cozy setup. A small table, set for two, waited for you in the middle of the space, with the city skyline stretching out around you. Ben watched as you took in the sight, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Wow,” you breathed, clearly impressed. “Okay, I didn’t expect this.”

“I’m full of surprises,” Ben said with a grin, pulling out your chair for you.

You sat down, still a little in awe. “So, when exactly did you plan all this?”

“Let’s just say I had it ready in case… I ever worked up the courage.” Ben rubbed his hands together, clearly still a little nervous despite the charm he was putting on.

The night was filled with easy conversation, laughter, and moments where the two of you just stared out at the lights below. Despite the fact that this was your first date, it didn’t feel awkward at all, more like an extension of the friendship you’d always shared.

Ben, however, was different tonight. A little more thoughtful, a little more attentive. He kept glancing at you when he thought you weren’t looking, and his smile held something deeper than usual. It wasn’t until dessert, though, that he finally let himself say what had been on his mind.

“You know,” he started, his voice softer than before. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while. Like, a long while.”

You set your fork down, your curiosity piqued. “Yeah? What held you back?”

He looked down, fingers tapping lightly on the table before he met your gaze again. “I was scared, honestly. We’ve been friends forever, and I didn’t want to mess that up. But I… I like you. More than just as a friend.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his confession, the weight of his words hanging in the air between you.

“Ben,” you began, your voice soft, “you could’ve told me that sooner, you know.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, took a little push from my dad.”

You smiled, leaning back in your chair as you watched him. “And here I thought you were fearless on and off the court.”

“I am!” he protested, grinning as he leaned in slightly. “Just… not when it comes to you.”

The playful banter between you was easy, but beneath it all, there was a tenderness you hadn’t realized was there before. The night ended with a slow walk under the stars, Ben’s hand brushing against yours as he reached out to hold it. Neither of you said much, but the silence was comfortable, filled with all the things that didn’t need to be said.

As the two of you stopped outside your place, Ben turned to face you, his eyes filled with that same nervous energy from earlier. “So, was that okay? First date and all?”

You smiled up at him, squeezing his hand gently. “It was perfect.”

He leaned in then, pressing a soft, tentative kiss to your forehead before stepping back, his grin spreading wide. “Good. ‘Cause I’m planning on taking you out again.”

[quietbluejay]

Bluejay's Horus Heresy Rec List

Horus Rising: this is it, the big one, the one that introduces the entire 30k setting

Know No Fear: yeah okay I'm biased as this is my favourite, it works really well at showing the 30k world starting to shift into the 40k one

Scars: it's just a great book all in all, possibly the best Horus Heresy book, besides digging into the White Scars, it's not a bad way of figuring out what's going on with the Magnus/Thousand Sons thread, and some stuff about the Shattered Legions

Betrayer: shows the "other side of the story" to Know No Fear. I have a lot of conflicting opinions on it as a novel but it's one I would absolutely recommend

Angel Exterminatus: a much better intro to Fulgrim than his novel. Also it's got this other guy in here that a lot of people fanboy...(I'm joking, I'm joking)

Shadows of Treachery: yes, this is a short story collection, HOWEVER it fills in a lot of missing spots, it's very good, and I think it's better at digging into the Imperial Fists and the Night Lords than any of the full novels (that I've read, at least)

books that don't quite make the cut

Angels of Caliban: I originally had it on my list but also, look, it's not very good. However it is extremely funny

Unremembered Empire: it's not a bad book, but it really reads like a middle book, and you have to have read a huge number of other books in order to follow all the plot threads here. Also I'm still salty about the climax being a fight between two characters who didn't even show up til the partway through the second act

Pharos: I loved Pharos, Pharos is great, but again it felt like it was another one where you need to have read another book in order to follow it (in this case, Unremembered Empire). It's also an early book by Haley, and it shows.

The Buried Dagger: look, I love Mortarion in it, I'd absolutely recommend it to anyone trying to get to know his character, but the subplot on Terra should have been a novella or short story, and to be honest some of Mort's writing goes into the silly zone

Galaxy in Flames & False Gods: yes, really! they are pretty essential for the setup. The problems is. They're bad. They have a lot of good moments but. They're bad books.

The Path of Heaven: very, very good. However it's pretty bleak, even for a 30k novel, and I really wouldn't recommend reading it without reading Scars first.

I dunno if I'd call them bad, but...:

Slaves to Darkness: it's peak John French being John French, which means there's 10 million things going on at once. Like there's some really good stuff in here but it's basically the stories of a bunch of side characters stuffed into a trenchcoat, nothing inherently wrong with that as a concept but it's not for everyone

Vengeful Spirit: I wouldn't call it McNeill's worst novel but it's kind of incoherent?? It has a lot of good moments though. And it's the one novel where he's not that weird about the female characters

Praetorian of Dorn: it does have one of my favourite characters and I suppose it's not bad, it's just not a book I really enjoyed that much

I wouldn't recommend reading these but if you're sure...:

Fulgrim: at least it was funny, if not intentionally in many places. If you think "I really really want to read about Isstvan V" I mean, ngl that's a major reason I read it, I can't stop you just...you have been warned.

A Thousand Sons: the prose and the characterization are a bit better than Fulgrim but man does it drag. Also, unlike Fulgrim, it has The Muscles. If you enjoy reading when people are horny over muscles well again I can't stop you.

Wolfsbane: there's nothing wrong with the prose, but the entire thing is "x person tells Russ it's not going to work (this happens like 5-10 separate times), Russ thinks 'it's not going to work', Russ tries it...it doesn't work". The best part is the Cawl subplot, I guess read it if you're a Cawl fan?

Flight of the Eisenstein: I hate it for so many reasons. It does have some good Death Guard stuff though at least.

Don't read it:

Vulkan Lives: literally the only reason to read this one is morbid curiosity. And I guess if you're desperately curious about that one loyalist Word Bearer who shows up in Unremembered Empire. But look. Life is too short. Don't read Vulkan Lives.

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1105 - Initial Thoughts

So we are back again, after a big impactful chapter last week we're looking to reach full incident territory now

Buster Call No. 3 here we go...

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release

Carrot cover page is welcome but also reminds me how I wish she was Nakama

With the buster call summoned everyone is fleeing the scene, most of whom unaware of the situation

Doll suggests that Saturn and Kizaru leave too, but Saturn states they're staying

It seems that Doll is unaware of the regen, but she doesn't question Kizaru's reaffirming to do as ordered

Vegapunk confronts Saturn again, imploring him to call off the Buster Call due to how it will hamper the world's technology by a century

Saturn notes though they don't need more advancement, and can't trust that Vegapunk's hiding something else...which he kinda is but still

Apparently a ship also left Egghead, guessing it was the former inhabitants during the Labophase Among Us situation we didn't see

But Saturn had it hunted down, on the threat that they may know something about the Void Century, Akainu tactics there

Vegapunk once more is appalled but Saturn rebukes that he dug their graves by seeking forbidden knowledge

Everyone's in movement though, except the Mark IIIs who are the perimeter for the island

Sanji directs Kuma, Bonney, Franky and Atlas to the vacuum rocket, assuring Bonney that Vegapunk will be safe

He also briefs Nami on what's going on above, surprising the group that there's yet ANOTHER buster call to go through

After several months we finally see Robin alive and well...mostly, she's on a hoverbed and in clear discomfort, probably from wounds and trauma

Jinbe has been sent to get Zoro so he doesn't get lost, but apparently he's still fighting Lucci

Lilith meanwhile didn't even make it to ground, she was still with the ship and got assistance from Brook

And he's found a clever way to get the ship to the rendez-vous, using his ice powers to freeze the clouds and skate on them

There is however the matter of braking, which Lilith quickly rescinded her praise for Brook after he had no ideas, plus the Vega Force 01 is still not an option for flying out

They make a point in saying that the Labostratum still has its barrier, meaning that the place will have some safety from bombardment, but the first barrage begins even with soldiers still evacuating

As Vegapunk laments the loss of another island, the Vacuum Rocket shoots off

But once again, Kizaru's here for the intercept

Sanji sees the intercept and goes to rescue Bonney, while Saturn orders the Pacifista to fire at Bonney and Kuma

Internally he sickly enjoys the irony that Kuma gave away his life to protect his daughter, only for his clones to be the cause of her death

Vegapunk meanwhile looks on in horror, remembering his worry that even though Bonney's Kuma's daughter, a pacifista won't hesitate to kill her if ordered

And Oda makes it clear there'll be no Luffy save, the navy have found him again stuffed and unable to move right now as he lays next to the vending machine thing we saw earlier in the arc

Aren't these soldiers supposed to be running from the Buster Call though?

HOWEVER, we also flash back to the alleged sunken ship Vegapunk sent out yesterday, except it's not!

The destroyed ship is in fact the warship Saturn sent, and they have no idea how they're gonna report their failure to Kizaru

But another player is about to enter the game, they are on their way to Egghead

Until the very end there it seemed like a simpler albeit dire chapter to follow the heights of the Kuma punch, the Buster Call is here and most of our heroes are tied up in some shape or form; Zoro is still uncharacteristically dealing with Lucci, Robin our queen who I'm glad to see alive but sad to see still hurt is forced to rest, Luffy overate and is once again surrounded by marines, Sanji is running towards the line of fire even though Kuma is literally shielding Bonney anyway, Vegapunk is alone to the mercy of Saturn, Franky's falling, Brook is skating the Sunny without a brake, Kizaru's still being a government cog, it's all meant to feel like it's gonna go wrong.

But there are still the outside factors to play; the giant mecha will still have to help in some way, and there is still the slight possibility that the Mark IIIs do in fact hold an echo of humanity that resided in Kuma - which'd call back to the weaponized sea beasts still having their animal instincts - to not fire at Bonney. And now we have this other player that's coming, unless it's the Blackbeard ship from before. I do wanna hope it's Smoker but chances are low on that, why would you want to contact an admiral directly about that? Another Yonko ship on the move or the Revolutionaries seems like the Fleet Admiral would be warned so I'm still wondering if it's someone else we've not seen much of; Law & Bepo or maybe Perona & Moria.

The goose is not cooked yet of course, but our Straw Hats could do with a bit of gritting their teeth and stepping up, escaping a buster call doesn't quite have the same impact it did in Enies Lobby, stopping a Buster Call is yonko-level.

[takitakidancetillthesunriseyea]

Wonderland and the Rabbit (Theory)

I thought by now my brain would’ve run out of Ateez theories but I was very wrong. Last night I was aimlessly scrolling the internet when I came across all of the rabbit-centric promotional material Ateez used for their latest comeback The World Ep. Fin: Will, that I had somehow missed seeing before their actual comeback.

I also discovered Mito which I had seen before but didn’t realize was also related to the comeback. I guess just I accepted without question that they would carry a little stuffed rabbit around for no reason. (Apparently Mito is short for Michin Tokki or Crazy Rabbit.)

Of course that set the gears in my brain turning. Crazy Form has a few things in common with Wonderland, (mainly the coats) but not enough that I would immediately think they’re connected lore wise.

However, Crazy Form has a lot, and I mean a lot. Of Alice in Wonderland references.

We have Hongjoong doing the Cheshire cat smile.

We got the rabbits everywhere and the little ear motions in the choreography. Personally I think the name “Crazy Form” alone is already pretty in line with the whole Alice in Wonderland “We’re all mad here,” thing. And of course we have whatever these godawful furry things are.

Even Seonghwa’s smile in the MV is rather Mad Hatter-ish

(I also find it interesting that his left eye is covered but that’s a point for a dif theory.)

So. From all that it’s clear they’re trying to make a connection to Alice in Wonderland. But why? What does Alice in Wonderland have to do with their story so much that they’re putting references in everywhere.

At first I assumed it had to do with their alternate universe thing. Is entering the doors to Strictland in the Wonderland MV them ‘going down the rabbit hole’? Is Mito their white rabbit? (Even though it’s black-) Is it just another reference to them being somewhere strange they don’t belong?

As I was thinking of all the things I could remember about Alice in Wonderland, suddenly it hit me. The ending. Alice in Wonderland ends with Alice waking up and realizing it had all been a dream.

(When I realized it I almost lost it)

There have already been a number of people theorizing that the Crazy Form MV is at least partially in a dream due to Hongjoong shooting real bullets out of his finger guns, San flying, etc... Oh yea and the crecent moon at the beginning that seems to instantly change to a full one.

Which just adds it to this list of dream related MV’s like Illusion, Wave, Inception, and Eternal Sunshine. But it really makes me wonder, was the Wonderland MV a dream too? We don’t have diaries for the Treasure series, so pretty much anything goes at this point.

It would make sense if all the weird maze stuff was part of a dream, but feel like the maze is something different entirely… AhhhHHhgh this is all so big brain that I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface of what’s actually going on.

It does makes me wonder though…just how deep does this rabbit hole (dream) go? How long have they been asleep? And when they wake up, where, when, and who will they be?

[pvffinsdaisies]

No one asked for it but I have very specific headcanons for how the Nordics sleep so I thought I’d share them.

ICELAND:

Iceland is debatably the heaviest sleeper of the gang, they can sleep through pretty much everything if they wanted to. They curl up into a little ball and cling onto their duvet a bit, like squish it up in their arms. So they’re maybe a little bit of a blanket hogger for that reason. Interestingly, I don’t think iceland is the type who can nap. Even if they tried they’d just never drift off. They need to be in bed to sleep. They may sometimes accidentally stay up too late but always falls asleep pretty quickly after their head hits the pillow. They need to be wearing pyjamas to sleep.

NORWAY:

Norway sleeps on his side, and his legs only bend the slightest bit, he’s not in a ball like his brother is. He goes to sleep far too late, and wakes up far too early. So he’s constantly falling asleep on the sofa. King of naps, I guess! He likes to have something to cuddle, if he’s sleeping alone, he probably has a stuffed toy to cuddle. (In nation aus it’s probably a rabbit, or maybe even a moose, in human aus it’s guaranteed to be a troll.) He’s embarrassed by this and doesn’t like ppl knowing. He doesn’t actually have many bed requirements, he probably likes a stiff mattress though! He usually sleeps in just his pyjama bottoms, unless he’s sleeping next to someone in which case he will wear a top. When he’s asleep, his face will soften into a small little smile. He prefers to have the duvet over him, but he’s not one to hog. He’s a relatively light sleeper, but he’s also adjusted to having to sleep next to loud and heavy snoring, so he’s more likely to wake up by being poked than by someone making noise.

FINLAND:

Finland could sleep anywhere and everywhere, if need be. If Finland is tired enough, they could probably find a way to sleep standing up, or on a bed full of Lego. Finland could nap, but it’s best they don’t or else they will be asleep for at least 8 hours. However, in terms of what they actually need in bed, pretty flexible. The only thing I would say is, they sleep naked simply bc they don’t care to put pyjamas on, and they’re so comfortable with nudity anyway. They don’t need a certain volume to fall asleep, or a specific temperature. Simply put, Finland just doesn’t care? They’ll fall asleep in absolutely any position, in absolutely any bed, in absolutely any climate.

SWEDEN:

Sweden is the most specific sleeper! He needs his own bed or at least something familiar to it or else he won’t be able to sleep at all! He sleeps with a weighted blanket, which is way heavier than it needs to be. But sweden finds it comforting. If he’s travelling, he’ll likely take his pillow with him- and his blanket too if he can- or else the new environment can be overwhelming and he’ll be sent into a bit of a breakdown when trying to sleep. The familiar scent helps to ground him a bit and keep him comfortable. He wears pyjamas, he has the exact same ones in different colours. But he can sleep without the pyjama top if there isn’t currently one clean. He sleeps flat on his back, but he’s incredibly tall, so it’s likely his bed was made by him himself. Hotel beds can be tricky for this reason too. He’s an incredibly loud snorer, and one’s he’s asleep nothing can wake him up. Except, he has a very strict bedtime and wake up time. He uses an alarm when he has work, but he doesn’t actually need one bc even on the weekend his body clock wakes up him at exactly the right time. Sweden doesn’t need to hold anything, but he has very specific positions where he can put his arms. He can’t sleep if it’s too hot, and if it’s too cold he’ll need a thicker duvet. At least some blankets to layer on top.

DENMARK:

Denmark is an incredibly light sleeper. From constantly flailing around is bed trying to find the exact right position, to his duvet just feeling super restrictive sometimes. It can take den hours to properly fall asleep, and sometimes he’s had to just fling the duvet off entirely and turn the heating up way warmer than he would normally have it (Denmark needs to be warm to sleep) because sleeping under his duvet can feel claustrophobic at time. He’ll usually find his comfortable position laying like a star fish on his front, at an angle, but this changes from night to night. He’s a loud snorer, once he gets going. And sometimes he’s even woken himself up from snoring too loud. Ultimately, all this makes him pretty tricky to share a bed with. He wakes up via an alarm set every day, including sometimes on the weekends. And if you wake denmark up in the middle of the night by being loud or by poking/prodding him, it’ll take him ages to find another “comfortable” position to sleep him. He frequently has aches all over his body from falling asleep in a position that wasn’t actually all that comfortable in the long run. And just like Norway, Denmark also has a tendency to fall asleep on the sofa.

[starredeclipse]

Pizza Pizza Pizza! Story continues

(Previous chapter is here)

Some might call what Mr.Atom was doing was pure spontaneous, the truth is once he thinks an idea might work he generally doesn’t have time to dilly dally on said idea. He already felt crazy for going along with this, him making pizza? He had no experience with making pizzas, no his expertise laid with subs and stir-frys, if those were cheap to make he would just offer what he knows.

However pizza was the cheapest option to make in this town if you have the right equipment for it and he so happened to have the right equipment at the pizzeria……he paused as the women lazily put his menu on the cork board without much care, she had stuck the white paper on top of other advertisements, he could barely see Josh’s ad amongst the more color papers “Everyone really thought color made there ads more noticeable” he mumbled to himself briefly before he went down a few isles in the store, this store did sell food and although it was small it would have what he needed….at least for now. He didn’t plan on cooking pizza’s later really…..well he might have to actually once his business is in full swing but he would probably have someone else in the kitchen.

The man was surprised to find pizza dough in one of the freezers, it wasn’t the regular ‘get from a tube’ pizza dough but instead it was a ball of dough ready to be de-thawed, he took one out of the freezer “How is this cheaper then the pre-shaped version?” That was the option he was going to go with but this stuff was cheaper and it shouldn’t be that much harder to de-thaw.

He put a few dough balls in the basket he had grabbed before he went and found the other toppings, he tried to buy cheaply, so with a large can of pineapple secured he took everything he had gathered and checked out. A scruffy black haired man rung him up “You must really like pizza” the cashier muttered as he noticed the items consisted with being pizza ingredients “It’s alright” Atom replied back, small talk never did go anywhere when it came to checkout lines…..unluckily for him there wasn’t a line and it was still early enough in the day “I personally enjoy mushrooms on my pizza, not the bulky kind, it won’t cook down if its bulky, same goes for pineapple. Actually did you know the original Pinapple pizza had really thin pineapple on it? Yeah you’re supposed to slice it thin, it just being dumped on the pizza? Gross, but yet for some reason people just keep doing that, I guess people really are just that lazy now” the cashier yapped giving some pizza facts and apparently history? He really didn’t have time for this “yeah….right….” He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to that but then cashier just kept talking for…..some reason “And don’t even get me started on BBQ or Mac and Cheese Pizza, both are terrible flavors. I just don’t understand why people enjoy ruining a perfectly good pizza” he rambled up until he told Atom the grand total of what his purchase would be. “Yeah…..yeah I don’t get it either” he replied handing over the money, he really just wished for this interaction to be over already “see, you understand what I mean” the cashier took the cash giving some change back before he went to pain stinkingly slowly bag the groceries “There’s nothing wrong with just a normal slice of pizza and when I mean pizza I mean cheese on the sauce, not the other way around, you don’t taste the cheese if the sauce is on top of it…..though I will saw cheese stuffed crust isn’t half bad…..or at least it wouldn’t be if the cheese was actually melted in the crust. I don’t know how people do it but half the time the cheese in the crust is never fully melted. Makes it disappointing.” Atom just nodded along until the grocery bags were in his hand “Yeah well thats just how it is sometimes, see ya” he heard a “see you later” as he walked away, he didn’t want to get pulled into another unwanted conversation.

He saw a cop with brown hair patrolling his route, normally seeing a cop wouldn’t bother him, it shouldn’t bother him, why should it?

As he started putting his grocery’s in the car with the remaining papers he suddenly thought of the reason seeing a cop should bother him, he illegally acquired some security footage to cover his own flank since his property decided to get up and take a stroll through town as if that is normal. Not only that but a child got hurt by one of his animatronics and he just cleaned some of that evidence up at his place of business. It all sounded bad, especially if authorities managed to find that out.

As he put the last grocery in his car he heard a voice, he lifted his head up turning to the left to only see that cop standing a few inches from his car now. Did this guy just seriously park to come talk to him? Atom tried to keep himself from looking annoyed, sometimes he really hated having social interactions forced upon him. “Morning, got a minute to chat?” The cop asked with suspicious eyes, maybe thats just how his face looked “Well I mean, sure I guess but iv’e got frozen items” not that the dough was something that was going to stay frozen, he already planned to de-thaw it but that was besides the point, he was going to use it as a excuse to get out of this social situation “and a few more places to go before I can get them to my freezer” the cop looked unfazed “Just a minute of your time, I promise not to take up much more” Atom sighed but nodded so the cop proceeded to ask him “Have you seen anything odd going on in this town lately?” The question itself was vague, did this cop know something? “Not particularly” technically not a lie but at the same time it was, the lie was that he did see something but on the camera’s after it had already happened and his camera’s really did suck…..he should really replace those eventually, preferably before opening but he wasn’t going to cry about it if it ended up being replaced later. Bad camera’s really weren’t helping the rumors surrounding Fazbears though…..it was one reason Atom was going with his own logo instead of just using the Fazbear or Freddy name.

“You sure?” The cop almost seemed more….insistent? “Yeah? I don’t really go out more than I have to” was that really so hard to believe that a grown man only goes out when necessary so he can avoid social interactions like this? The cop nodded “Alright, okay, guess I’ll let you go on your way then” the cop backed up a bit before he seemed to stare Atom down before leaving to his car. The pizzeria owner looked at him like he was weirded out and truth was he was.

The cop got in his car and drove off at a slow pace making this even more odd than it had to be “Okaaay then” Mr.atom decided to get in his car and go off to the next location to drop off his menu. There was a few small businesses in this town, one being the bowling ally, another being the roller rink and of course one couldn’t forget the local hair salon, the feed store, the gas station and the local library simply because they allow for flyers to be left on the bulletin board located near the entrance. So with these locations in mind the man drove to each one handing over his flyer at each before he started to notice that after he left each location he saw the same cop! Was he following him?! Atom didn’t feel comfortable and honestly he didn’t have time for this. The owner drove back to his pizzeria, the whole time the cop followed at a distance up until Mr.Atom went into his own parked lot, parked his car and had the grocery’s in his bag that he saw the cop slowly drive past him and his establishment. “What is up with that guy?” he muttered before he decided to just shrug off the weirdness and go inside.

When he entered he went to the main party room to check on Josh, to his surprise Foxy was walking around now “Alright walk backwards now” Josh told the bot, walking backwards wasn’t really in there program much, most are just programmed to turn around instead of back up but the man needed to test every movement function in order to determine if Foxy was alright and working properly “What, you have him fixed already?!” Mr.Atom said with great surprise as Foxy walked backwards which didn’t seem as natural for him but the movement was solid enough, Josh looked back at the owner “Mr.Artichoke you’ve been gone for two hours and most of Foxys problems was just wiring issues but….” He paused “but?” The other urged, was something wrong? “well, he’s got a bit of a head twitch” the engineer admitted as Foxy looked at them, the animatronic looked as if it was thinking now that he was left alone to just stand there. “A huh?” Josh pointed over at Foxy and this guy was right, the fox had a head twitch ever so often “I checked, that twitch isn’t caused by anything physical, I would know, if I had to guess it has something to do with his code which I can tinker with but Fazbears code for these guys have always been a little quirky so that might take longer. It doesn’t seem to be affecting his ability to listen and understand though so it might not be anything terribly serious” the term quirky being used to describe code for something thats supposed to be around kids was a bit of a interesting choice “It better not be anything serious” Mr.Aton said with a sigh “I guess just monitor him for a bit, I’m going to go put my groceries away” the owner grumbled before he just walked off, the bot watched him for a moment before he seemed distracted, Josh looked over at the bot.

“Is something up?” The man asked given the expression on the fox’s face, the animatronic looked over at him “I’m just…..remembering is all” the bot admitted as his hand brushed over his hook that was free of any color resembling red “Remembering what?” Josh asked, he knew some of Fazbears animatronics had rather….intense code put in them, it made them seem real enough so they could fulfill there given rolls, Foxy paused before he said seriously “I hurt a kid a few days ago” he seemed…..uncomfortable? With this fact “A kid?” The man asked, the fox nodded “I lost control, the lot of us did, I’m…..not happy about it. This place isn’t for kids, not yet anyways” The animatronic turned and walked towards the stage where the others of his crew sat turned off “Where’s Freddy?” The fox asked looking at the man, the animatronic was comfortable around Josh, it’s not the first time he has seen this man. His head twitched as he asked “Don’t know, your new owner here couldn’t afford him, so I don’t think this place is going to have a Freddy.” Separated by a price tag, the fox grumbled “These land lubbers and there prices” he didn’t seem happy about it, he didn’t seem happy about any of this “You don’t seem to happy about this, I understand being upset about the kid, if I recall right…..your old location, you found a kid badly injured correct?” The fox nodded “Yeah, Balloon Boy decided to be a little brat and give a kid something to actually cry about. That one had always been faulty, had a huge ego too and anger issues, I don’t know why somebody thought giving a animatronic anger issues was a good idea to be honest but out of everyone at my old location I’m not going to miss him.” He paused before he thought about it, poor kids……he hoped the child he hooked was okay….that rabbit took her out of here, he remembers that much.

Part of Foxy didn’t trust the rabbit, part of him didn’t know why but something deep within kept him from trusting Spring, he can only hope he helped that child. “To be honest, I hate balloon boy too” Josh said causally before he came over to the table he was working at “Do you mind sitting Bonnie here?” He asked the fox “I pulled my back just getting you on that wheel board” the fox blinked “Sure Bud, I can get him over there” Foxy went onto the stage before he put both his arms under Bonnie’s before he lifted him sort of to his feet before he dragged his friend over to the chair, Foxy sat Bonnie down in the chair “Thanks Foxy, you might want to go charge for a little bit while I fix up Bonnie” his job wasn’t exactly entertaining but Foxy didn’t really want to charge exactly……though he saw his battery only was at half charge in his hud so reluctantly the fox went off to go charge at the nearest outlet leaving the man to fix up his friend.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Ways a little knowledge can be dangerous (or at least kind of misleading) with health at every size and intuitive eating, individually and/or collectively:

It’s not about new rules, or doesn’t have to be. Try things and see what works for you. keep what works and let go of what doesn’t.

sometimes people can get weirdly intense about intentional weight loss being bad. Is it counterproductive in the long run? Sure. Do people get to choose what they do with their own bodies? Yes. Is fatphobia primarily perpetuated via iwl? No. It’s primarily perpetuated in other ways: workplace discrimination, medical discrimination, media portrayals and harmful stereotypes, government anti obesity campaigns that lean hard on fat shaming, etc.

half-assing it is not necessarily going to go great, in the sense that if you decide to try this approach and then bail the moment the number on the scale goes up that’s not going to go well. Like yeah my first point still stands, but I mean working for you in a weight neutral way. Yeah your weight might go up. Either find a way to make peace with that or you are not ready for a weight neutral approach to health. Intuitive eating is not a way to trick yourself into losing more weight, it’s a way to relate to food that is not at all about trying to lose weight or avoid gaining weight. (Some people do lose weight or stay the same weight with this stuff. Lots of people don’t. It’s better to come into it without expectations/being prepared for a “worse” outcome weight wise.)

can you eat all the brownies you want? Sure. If you’ve haven’t given yourself permission to eat an entire tray of brownies recently, you might be surprised how quickly you realize you don’t want any more.

if you are the sort of person who will literally eat an entire tray of brownies, and you feel miserable and out of control the entire time, you probably want professional help through the process rather than DIY-ing it. Likewise if you already know you have an eating disorder. No shame. Some people have some stuff to work through around food, it happens.

If you are the sort of person who loses interest in the brownies before eating the entire tray, don’t sweat it if you eat more brownies than you think you should. Do you physically feel bad after? That’s useful information going forwards. Do you think you would have felt as satisfied if you’d stopped at one brownie? Try that at some point and see what happens. But part of IE is in fact you do have blanket permission to eat brownies, you don’t have to justify it.

people eat food for reasons other than hunger. This is ok and not a thing you have to overcome. If you’re stopping when you’re satisfied most of the time, it’ll work. Doesn’t need to be 100% and you don’t have to opt out of social/cultural thingeys.

However, it’s worth considering whether you want to eat for reasons other than hunger. Sometimes a thing looks like it tastes good but then kinda tastes like poster boards. Sometimes people get caught up on the idea of not wasting food, which is a good general goal but it’s worth questioning whether eating food you aren’t enjoying is in fact not wasting it. Maybe the best way to not waste food is to learn you didn’t like this food or didn’t want this much of it and modify your behaviors going forwards. Not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings by not eating a lot of their food: probably not a huge deal now and then, but it can be good to practice how to show concern for a loved one’s feelings in ways other than finishing what’s on your plate, especially if this happens a lot.

as mentioned in previous post: hunger is usually more subtle than being ravenous and fullness is generally more subtle than feeling stuffed to the gills, it’s ok/good to take a guess at whether you’re hungry/full and see what happens. Does eating one cracker make you want to eat more? Probably you were hungry. Does stopping eating now make you hungry again in two hours? Maybe you weren’t full. Try things and see what happens. (Sometimes you can be done with one particular type of food but want a different type. This is ok. Different types of foods serve different roles.)

likewise IE is perfectly compatible with regularly scheduled meal times. Chances are being a tiny bit hungry is a state you can exist in for some time before urgently needing to eat and you get to decide when in that period you’re going to eat. If you’re starving, eat, but also make a note for yourself that you probably should have had a scheduled eating time before you got to the point where you felt ravenous.

don’t eat food you don’t want to eat. Seriously. Not even if it’s vegetables. Refraining from eating healthy food that doesn’t appeal is good practice and in the long run better for you than practicing eating food that you don’t really want.

[vanoincidence]

Cultauge (Cult Sausage) || Van & Wren

TIMING: current. LOCATION: sly slice. PARTIES: @asirenscream & @vanoincidence SUMMARY: wren goes to sly slice seeking normalcy. she doesn't really find it, because van is the one serving her. CONTENT: none!

Van was staring down at her phone when the door opened. The silence that followed would’ve been concerning, but she was used to customers being distracted before they were finally ready to order. However, the prolonged silence stretched a little too far for her liking, and finally, she looked up to see a girl who couldn’t be much older than herself standing across from her. “Um… hi–” No, she wasn’t supposed to start with um, that wasn’t how customer service worked. 

“Hi, welcome to Sly Slice.” There, that was much better. She looked from the girl to the door, half-expecting a few of her friends to trickle in, but nobody did. “Do you… want to order?” 

Wren was supposed to be able to handle anything the new world she was introduced to her had to offer. It didn’t exactly feel like that. Her favorite thing was to simply stay home. The mere idea of being out and about made her knees shake with unrelenting anxiety that made it hard to even breathe through. Her mission for the day had been to actually talk to someone. Anyone. Someone who wasn’t a bird, at least. 

The attempt hadn’t gone well so far. Wren had spent most of the day darting between buildings and hiding, a tremble in her fingers she couldn’t quite shake. She, instead, had dug around in various dumpsters and stuffed whatever she could find in usable condition in the bag Poppy had left her. (It was a brown leather bag with scuffs all over it, but she planned on treasuring it dearly since it was Poppy’s.) The search in dumpsters didn’t result in anything for the siren to eat. Her stomach had let out a pitiful growl. It was long past time to find something to eat.

It took longer than anticipated with how Wren avoided anyone and everyone on the sidewalks, but she eventually found what seemed to be some sort of restaurant. She pulled down the sunglasses she had found in the trash over her eyes, gripping tighter onto her bag, and pushed open the door. There was a girl standing behind the counter and Wren was doing her best to not outright run out of the restaurant. 

“Hi!” Wren squeaked out, another tentative step forward was taken. She couldn’t believe there was an actual human in front of her. This was utterly terrifying. “What do… you have?” Her voice cracked in the middle. She swallowed hard before trying again, “to eat! Do you have like… um. Do you have any meat?” This was definitely how this was supposed to go. Hopefully.  

Van stared across the way at the customer, watching as she visibly trembled with every word that was spoken. Was that what she looked like to other people? God, she hoped not. “This is a pizza place…” She cleared her throat and pointed upwards to the menu that hung over her head. In case the girl couldn’t see, she grabbed one of the leaflets with the four pizza types they had available as well as the drink menu which had all off-brand soda types. 

“There’s pepperoni and sausage, if that’s what you want? I mean, that is meat, so I’m guessing that is like, what you want.” She chewed the inside of her cheek as she watched her. Van wondered why she was wearing sunglasses inside and if it had anything to do with the bright fluorescents behind her, or if it was something else. 

“There’s cheese too, so like, if you’re lactose intolerant, I do have some lactaid? I mean, I’m not supposed to give them out ‘cause I think technically they’re medicine, but… there’s also cheese, and I feel like that’s really important.” 

Just behind her, there were a few warming stations with already made pizza, most of which had meat toppings. “They’re 2.25 a slice, or 13.00 for a full pizza.” 

Wren blinked a few times behind the shades of the sunglasses. Pizza. That was… human food. Right? There was so much that she was still trying to learn. Poppy had left her behind a journal and various things to learn more about how to pass in human society. Avoiding mirrors, avoiding saying she was a siren to begin with, and more things to just help her. This definitely wasn’t in anything she was left. What was the right thing to say? Oh, she was definitely failing this self imposed mission already.

“Right. Pizza! Pizza.” Wren shaped the word in her mouth and made a face at how utterly confusing it felt to say out loud. She took a few more tentative steps toward the counter to snatch the leaflet out of the woman’s hand. “Um,” her eyes looked down to the leaflet to see just what exactly pizza was. It definitely had meat on it, but not raw meat which was how Wren tended to eat it. 

Tilting her head slightly, Wren let out a long breath before looking back up to the girl behind the counter. “Do you have, like… raw meat pizza?” That was so something humans would ask for. This was easy. Ignoring the tremble in her own words, Wren did her best to stand up straight and act like she knew just what she was doing. “I will take one of these pizza like that and that lactaid, for sure!” 

Van was so used to going into customer service mode while beneath Sly Slice’s roof that it hadn’t even occurred to her that the girl across from her seemed to be a little more disheveled than most. Recently, most people seemed that way. The town seemed to always have something going on, and Van typically stuck her head in the sand when it came around to acknowledging it. It was easier that way. She already had so much of her own life changing every day, she didn’t need to look at what else was changing. 

“Pizza!” Van threw her hands up, making jazz hands as if to reveal the word they’d both said now more than a few times. Was this the first time that the girl had had it? It seemed to be, based on the way she was confused. That wouldn’t be a first, though. There were plenty of people who’d never had pizza before. 

“Raw… meat?” Van blinked at the customer, dumbfounded by the request. It reminded her of the time that raccoons had been eating all of their sausage and she had blamed Janice. “Is that.. a thing?” She’d heard of tartar, but she didn’t think that the beef they stocked at Sly Slice was good enough for that. “Um, I don’t think that we can do that. Like, food code or something. But you can have cooked meat, if that’s what you want? Do you want… that? With the lactaid?” Van was used to getting odd requests, and raw meat was one of the ones she’d come across before, but she always tended to push them in the direction of the kinds of stuff that wouldn’t get Rocky in trouble for. 

Wren flinched in surprise at the hand motion the girl made. She blinked a few times to try to find some inner calm within herself that definitely didn’t exist. Poppy had always made jokes about the way that Wren would rather stay in the nest than take on even the slightest uptick in the winds. Waiting in a stretching silence fit her way more than even managing a response to the obviously confused girl before her. Okay, so raw meat pizzas weren’t a human thing. This was going to be really weird then. How was she supposed to dig her way out of this?

The door was looking real nice to run out of right about now.

“Um,” the sting of tears were pricking at the corners of Wren’s eyes, hidden behind the bright pink sunglasses she was wearing. “Anything can be a thing if you want it to! That’s what… um. That’s what my cousin used to say.” Her voice pitched up an octave, feeling the way her bottom lip trembled. This was so hard. Why did she have to do this? She wanted to go home. Not the stupid house Poppy left her, but her actual home.

A sniffle finally escaped Wren despite her best efforts. Her hand rubbed at her cheek anxiously. “Never mind! Don’t, um… don’t worry about it!” Her voice cracked at the end as she swallowed around the lump in her throat. 

Not quite the observant type, Van missed the way that the customer inwardly flinched. She was too confused by the request of raw meat pizza, even though by Wicked’s Rest standards, that did seem fairly normal. She thought about Dr. Kavanagh and her request to keep the mice in the freezer at the apartment she was borrowing, and how she wouldn’t put it past Regan to ask the freezer at Sly Slice either at some point. 

People were just… weird, and it was clear that this customer was no exception to that. Who was Van to judge? She was weird, too. 

What Van did notice, however, was the tremble in the girl’s voice. That sounded like Van when she was about to start crying. Was this girl about to start crying? Over raw meat pizza? Was it some kind of delicacy in her family? Did she just really need her iron? Or was it zinc… Van had no clue. She opened her mouth to speak before it was made obvious by the sniffle from the customer that she was in fact crying. 

How would somebody try and fix this situation for her? They’d probably tell her raw meat was bad for her and force her to have regular pizza, but Van wasn’t Dr. Kavanagh or Emilio. No, she was Van. A free-thinker! Somebody who liked to give people what they wanted. 

“No, um– it’s– I can give… there is sausage that I can give you? You can just buy that instead?” She didn’t think the cooks would let her request the sausage not to be cooked, but she could probably get away with swiping one of the portions without them noticing. “Is that okay? Sausage? No pizza? You don’t even need lactaid, I don’t think!” She didn’t think there was milk in sausage. 

“I can um, I can go and get it for you? I don’t know how much to charge you for it, so…” The pink sunglasses the customer wore didn’t look expensive, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have money. Again, who was Van to judge? She was more broke than most people. “Does that… work?”

The ragged breath expelled from Wren rather abruptly. This definitely would be what Poppy would call ‘a total and complete disaster from start to finish’. It was embarrassing, beyond embarrassing even. Wren didn’t know how to function outside of her colony. This was going to be her home for how long now and it was stumble after stumble in trying to get settled. Could she even ever truly get settled with how miserably she was failing in just getting here? 

It took a few sharp inhales before Wren could even manage a response. A soft warmth fluttered through her chest at the kind offer. Maybe it was just to get her to stop crying like a child, but it was still kind nonetheless. “I would… I would like that, thank you.” She all but croaked out, fingers tangling together as she gripped at them to stop their shaking before the girl. It wasn’t like she couldn’t embarrass herself further. Wren knew it was highly likely, even. 

Money, right. Poppy had left her some in the notes and advice to pass in human culture. She finally pushed the sunglasses to rest on the top of her head as she pulled her bag around to dig through. She pulled out a handful of crinkled bills. There were various ones, fives, and a ten in there. This was also another hurdle she was struggling in figuring out: what exactly the currency system was and how it worked. She would have to keep reading Poppy’s notes. “Is this enough?” A shaky hand was extended out toward the human woman. 

Van knew that maybe she should have stayed firm on this subject, should have told her that no, only cooked pizza is available. But the way she looked, even from behind those glasses– it reminded her way too much of herself. Maybe it was like she was seeing a version of herself in the mirror. A slightly taller version with longer hair, but still. 

She leaned over the counter to get a better look as the customer began to dig into her bag for what she could only assume to be money. What if she pulled out Canadian coins? What would Van tell her? Maybe she should find Thea and see if she could do an exchange of some kind. But after a moment, no, it wasn’t the Queen whose face disgraced her vision, it was one of the old men in the ugly paper. At least Canadian money looked pretty. 

“Um…” She tried to get a view of just how much money there was, but couldn’t quite see. Whatever, it’s not like Rocky hadn’t had sausage go missing before. “Hold on.” 

Van dashed into the back room, slinking towards the freezer. Their newest cook was on their phone, leaning against the opposite wall with one earbud in– completely unaware to her existence. She pulled open the fridge and grabbed one of the large bundles of sausage, tucking it under her arm before returning to the front. 

Brushing some of the hair out of her eyes, she slapped the sausage onto the counter between herself and the customer. It made a squishing sound as she dropped it down, but there it was– raw and a myriad of pinks and reds. “Is this okay? We don’t really have like…other stuff, just this.” She gave the girl a hopeful glance before she shook her head at the money. “You can um, keep that. This sausage is on the house.” How many things had been given to her for free because of the way she looked? Pitiful, even behind a pair of sunglasses. Maybe Van had it all wrong– maybe this girl needed the sausage to provide for more people than just herself, and more than what pizza could offer. 

But she’d asked for raw pizza, too. Van thought about the raccoons again and her nose twitched in response to the idea of eating the meat from the fridge. “Um… can I ask, though? Are you like, one of those heavy carnivore people? You know, like the girl on Tik tok who eats a lot of butter..?”

Wren blinked, money still outstretched in her hand. The girl told her to ‘hold on’ then all but rushed off. It wasn’t long before the girl was back with the sausage. Slowly, Wren pulled her outstretched hand back and deposited the money into her bag once more. Maybe she needed more? She plucked the sunglasses off the top of her head and dropped them into the bag, too. Maybe she’d have to use that as a payment, too. Do restaurants take sunglasses as payments? She’d have to look back at her notes or simply hope for the best. 

Clamping her mouth shut in fear that her teeth would turn into the razor sharp form they normally were, Wren observed the sausage curiously. It hadn’t even occurred to her to enthrall the woman behind the counter into giving her the food she wanted. Now the mere thought made her feel uncomfortable. It was out of the kindness of her own heart that she did this. She wasn’t sure if she’d see this girl again, but she vowed she wouldn’t ever use her abilities on her. Did she want to be friends with her? Wren never really had a friend outside of Poppy before. The other sirens in her colony thought she was too bossy or too much of a baby to be around. 

“Yes! It’s—it’s great, thank you.” Wren wiped at her damp cheeks and took the last few tentative steps to fully approach the counter. So ‘on the house’ meant no money needed. She’d have to remember that. Or remember long enough at least to put it down in her overflowing book of notes about humans she had. Her manicured nail poked at the sausage before her attention was drawn back to the girl.

“Tick… tock?” The words felt foreign and odd on Wren’s tongue. “Is that a uh… what is that?” She asked curiously. There was no way she’d be able to begin to even guess what a tick tock may be. “Um, I—I just… eat a lot of raw meat, yeah! Ever since I was a little—a little child?” That’s what adolescent humans were called. She remembered! Score one for Wren. “Do you like this butter? What do you like?” More research to be able to help her fit in. She could use this. 

Once the girl’s glasses were off, it was that much more apparent that yes, she had been crying. Van bit the inside of her cheek, suddenly feeling a little more awkward than she previously did. Was this how people felt around her? Then again, she wasn’t going around asking for raw meat. She didn’t cry over meat, it wasn’t worth it. Maybe slimjims, but never sausage. 

Half of her thought that when the customer reached forward for the sausage, she’d be infected with something– the urge to cry, maybe. As if the customer would transfer her anxiety over. Van smiled at the girl despite her inner thoughts, knowing that when someone was kind, it made the situation that much better. When people looked annoyed– that was what usually made Van cry a little harder, at least. 

“Tik Tok, it’s the… app?” She thought about Wynne and how they hardly knew anything at all, and Van began to theorize that maybe this customer was from a cult, too. A weird, raw meat eating one, but one nonetheless. Though, Wynne hadn’t liked the use of that word. “People post videos and things, and there’s a girl on there who eats a lot of meat and also like, blocks of butter.” She fiddled with a loose string on the hem of her work shirt as she explained. 

But it was being cleared up– the reason as to why she needed the raw meat. “I used to eat a lot of soup as a kid, so I guess… but I don’t think raw soup is a thing, since it’s heated? It has to be cooked.” She was sure it was out there somewhere, some version of raw soup, but it didn’t really entice her in any way. Van shook her head. “I’m not… a butter fan.” She liked butter in things, but the idea of eating it whole made her a little queasy. “What do… I like?” She pointed at herself, slightly surprised by the question. 

“Um… I like slim jims and red bulls.” Van looked down at her t-shirt and pulled the nametag forward, “my name is Van, by the way.” Maybe she could get this person’s name and connect her with Wynne. They could discuss their cults and maybe the girl across from her would no longer feel the need to eat raw meat. “Not like the car, but– like Vanessa. See? It’s scratched out.” She pointed towards where she’d taken the sharpie to the end of her name tag. 

Wren’s fingers wrapped around the sausage and awkwardly picked it up. She could feel the look she was getting from the woman and it made her want to squirm on the spot. Running away still sounded really good right now. Maybe she could take up hiding away in an alleyway again. Though, that wasn’t very comfortable or warm right now. She could run away eventually, just not yet. That wasn’t very polite or what humans considered polite at least. She remembered reading that in the book left for her. This interaction, at least, would give her something to add to the book of notes. 

“App. I see.” Wren repeated the words coming from the woman as if that would make them stick around in her brain longer. She’d have to work on her computer skills some more and figure out what exactly this ‘Tick Tock’ thing was. Whatever she needed to do to blend in. The urge to start trembling was prevalent. That was a daunting task. It meant interacting with people and doing her best to not stand out. If she could melt into the floor right this moment then she would do that. Figuring out what the heart wanted most from others was easy work, but finding out just how to keep eyes turning toward her was a big feat. She didn’t think figuring out what people wanted most would help her much on that front. 

Wren’s eyes were wide as she paid rapt attention to what the girl was telling her. If she could commit the words to be ingrained inside her head she would. She also couldn’t help but get distracted momentarily on just how kind and careful the woman was with her. It was hard to not feel like Wren was mere moments away from a meltdown, but no matter how anxiety-inducing this had been for her she felt an urge to be optimistic. It would take more than just one interaction to bring her out of this self imposed shell, but this was at least a nice, not super scary start. (Her own crying aside. That was normal for her.)

“Hi, Van.” Wren greeted, swallowing around the swell of anxiety. “Those sound like all nice things to eat. Very yummy!” She had no idea what any of them were—or what a van was outside of the kind woman she had met. “I’m Wren, like the bird. Um, I’m going—I’m going to go. Thank you very much for the free meat.” Awkwardly, Wren dropped the wrapped food into her bag and took a few staggered backwards steps toward the door. “Maybe I will be back! With um, real pizza requests!” Blindly reaching back, Wren shoved open the door and dashed out of it back toward the streets. 

A loud, sharp exhale escaped the siren as she turned down the first alleyway she came across. At least Wren had something to eat for a little bit. That had been enough adventure for one day, she decided. She still wasn’t entirely sure about how exactly to navigate the human world and the people in it, but that hadn’t been the worst start. 

“Wren, like the bird!” Van nodded, committing the name to memory. It’d be easy to remember it, and maybe Wynne would even feel the need to befriend her since their names were similar. She tucked the thought away, nodding. “They are like, really good.” Better than raw sausage. She didn’t say it outloud, gaze scanning the meat that she had already handed over. It was still a little weird, but she knew deep down that she shouldn’t judge. 

Before Van could get another word in, Wren was backtracking towards the door and pushing it open. “Please come for pizza! Your cult doesn’t control you!” She figured it was lost on Wren, as the door was already closed and she was gone. Van stood there for a moment, preoccupied by the way her chest wound tight. It’d been awhile since she’d taken control of a situation– noticed the way that somebody else might have needed reassurance. 

Now that she was alone, she felt the jitters from the conversation and she took a deep breath, easing herself back into her work routine. She’d need to tell Wynne about Wren before Wren went back to her cult and she knew it. 

[may-bonne]

Thoughts on The Assignment I need to share now that I've found another human being who likes it:

-Frank's awful beard was prolly fake in universe too

-We should have gotten a scene where Johnnie thought it was only Frank's face that had changed but then he takes his clothes off and she sees the tape and realizes he stuffed rolled up socks into his boxers

-Johnnie should have come into the room when Frank was recording his tapes that were black and white for what

-Sombody should've commented on that cartoon accent to Frank's face

-More ppl should have called him Frankie

-He should have fallen on his face at least once in those heels and lipstick should've been a little smudged

Your fanfic was top tier btw❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

it's killing me a lil bit that this is anon because there are only, like, three of us in the world!! i want to know who you are 🥺

okay, thoughts:

1) yes the mustache is clearly a separate piece and overall it is terrible. does however explain why he doesn't really know how to fuck without a dick because i wouldn't want that anywhere near my pussy

2) they could have done so much more with johnnie in general! i guess i am glad there was no dumb learning-to-be-a-woman montage. i will say maybe johnnie knew what to expect because the doctor warned her? but she should have at least pretended to be surprised. i do love the way mrod goes in for the kiss it looks like she's a nervous duck who really wants to peck that handful of cheerios out of johnnie's mouth

3) i didn't even question the tapes being black and white hahaha. yes! what's the point of johnnie staying in reno? i'm just going to tell myself it's a lie so that frank doesn't make any more trouble for her, since the tapes are meant to be released to the public. (by her "lawyer in vegas." lol. imagine being that dude. what did she do, call a number on a billboard? if i write another fic, it's gonna include that guy)

4) the way she says "me and pancho were BUDDIES" made me crack up. yeah, that's how men talk

5) totes

6) absolutely although i feel like that scene was weirdly effective because mrod looked more like a man in drag there than she looked like a man in the full getup. also chekhov's halloween mask was so stupid i loved it

some additional thoughts: what the fuck is the "change that's gonna come" at the end of the movie?? there's nobody left to kill! she doesn't really seem to have any particular direction in life! is it that she's just gonna give up the gun and live in a hotel with that dog?

also the core scientific premise of the doctor's experiment doesn't even make any sense. it should have just been "hey, let's see what happens if we do this fucked-up thing!" or find some literature about transcending the physical form and have her quote that. i know she's meant to be a psycho but this obviously doesn't prove anything about gender identity being innate. frank was a dude for like thirty years and clearly not upset about it and it's not like anything changed at the cellular level

and thank you <3 <3 <3 i have a bunch of scraps left over so i'm gonna write at least one other one, promise

[project1939]

Day 79- Film: The Black Castle 

Release date: November 20th, 1952. 

Studio: Universal 

Genre: Horror 

Director: Nathan H. Juran 

Producer: William Alland 

Actors: Richard Greene, Boris Karloff, Stephen McNally, Rita Corday, Lon Chaney, Jr. 

Plot Summary: A British nobleman searches for the killer of his two best friends. They were all in colonial Africa together, and he suspects an Austrian count with his own history in Africa. Traveling to the count’s castle in the Black Forest, he goes undercover to gather as much information as possible. There are traps and troubles at every turn, especially when he meets the countess and falls in love with her. 

My Rating (out of five stars): *** 

After 78 films, we arrive and the first and only horror film on my list! I don’t know that I would classify this as full-on horror, but I also can’t think of what other genre I’d put this in. It’s kind of like Dracula, I guess, in that it is mostly dark, foreboding, and eerie, rather than horrific. The part about possibly being buried alive was definitely horrific, however! 

The Good: 

Richard Greene as the lead. He pretty much made the movie for me. Oh lord, is he a beautiful man! He could be in any movie, and I would enjoy just looking at him! He looked amazing in the fashions of the 18th century- I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a man wear one of those ruffled jabots any better. He is also a pretty good actor with lots of charisma, especially for a programmer or B film. 

Boris Karloff. He is a great actor and always raises the level of any scene he’s in. I could listen to his voice for hours. Unfortunately, the film seriously underutilized him. 

The bad special effects with the leopard. Yes, I just said they were bad. They were cheap and obvious, and it was clear Burton/Beckett was rolling around on the floor with a stuffed animal at one point. But they were gloriously entertainingly bad. 

The heart pounding fear of being buried alive. How can anyone not feel mounting horror at that prospect? 

It was pretty short and to the point, it didn’t drag on. 

The costumes. Normally I’m not an 18th century fashion nerd, but I loved the costumes in this! I wished several times I could have seen them in color. I can’t vouch for how accurate they were, they just looked beautiful. 

Bad guys cackling with fiendish glee. Another silly but fun thing. 

The Bad: 

The film didn’t give Karloff enough to do. It felt like he was only in a couple of scenes. Why give your best and only marquee actor such a small role?  

The way the leopard in the story was treated. Watching animal abuse is never ok. 

I didn’t love the countess. She wasn’t bad exactly, but there was something about her that made her unappealing to me. 

I didn’t love Lon Chaney in it either. He played a freakish looking mute. 

The characters were all pretty simplistic, but that is frankly what you’d expect in this kind of movie. 

[darkhalo4321]

I started to post a tweet, but it started to form a long rant and I felt Tumblr was the true home for it. SO- I love having a website for my comic. I REALLY DO. however, the amount of people I attract to that site is...

abysmal.

Mostly because not a lot of webcomic artists with sites do link exchanges like they used to and it feels like everyone's gotta be part of a "collective!" or something. Which... Technically I am part of a magical webcomic collective. called Aradia. It's a small community and while it's slowly gaining traction in it's own way, it's not Spiderforest or Hiveworks and it's not WEBTOONS either. I've been wrestling with the task of making a mirror for my webcomic on webtoons. Some people said "just post the pages! I don't get a lot of views, but it's whatever" My LITERAL THOUGHT when I was told to post my traditional format pages "as is" on a vertical scroll dominated site was "of course you don't have traction! THE FORMAT IS WRONG" I would be reformatting for vertical scroll, and it's full of unknowns. I've never uploaded on there. Will it splice and realign okay? What if I mess it up and it's posted wrong? What if the tone moires weird? What if what if what if... Anxiety. It's holding me back. "but darkhalo4321, what about drawing better? Doing color? Advertising for your webcomic's website??" hahaha oh silly made up audience member. I have done all those things and It's not gotten me far. Maybe if I worked HARDER, Maybe if I were a better ARTIST, Maybe if I had a better STORY, Maybe maybe maybe... I've restarted my comic to have a better story, better art, and worked harder as a result. It's not cutting it. 'm fighting a machine. I'M FIGHTING AN ALGORITHM and I'm losing. The idea of being on webtoons is to gain SOME new eyes on my work via their community and I have many friends on there who have said the canvas community is really nice. I've been very calm and chill the last few months but I'm thinking I've been stuffing those in a box and setting them aside. Today I'm unpacking them a bit. I'm not depressed or disheartened. I an genuinely happy for friends that are hitting some personal goals, excited even! I've been big on enneagram stuff, and when my type goes into the unhealthy types, I tend to look at others and feel... bad that my life is not at that point, so I've been keeping busy to not deal with those feelings and now I'm just venting on tumblr for no one to read/see. Which Is ANXIETY. It all boils down to anxiety. Thanks to my boss at work who is working to become an anxiety/life coach I've been learning how to identify what anxieties are tormenting me and how to handle it when they do. I've been inking pages like crazy and maybe the last minute unplanned stream I tried doing last night where no one tuned in made me sad because like, no one came to watch and my dead twitch account getting no views is what did me in to ranting on tumblr. XD In all reality... I could stand to try harder with getting my content out there, but at the same time, I don't have like any free time to be a content creator on 5 social media sites, one of which is slowly burning, and the other ones favor short form videos which I don't have the patience to make videos for anyways, and I don't really... WANT to anyways. I wanna go back to link exchanges and finding things through other comics and their likes and rinse and repeat... I'll end the rant here XD I'm okay, I promise. Gonna make a mirror for webtoons eventually. If it uploads funky then... so be it. The nerds can call me out I guess? Not that I even plan to check comments or metrics. I don't even look at the numbers for my site anymore because it's... eh. I have better peace of mind posting and running.