#study the bible in the private catholic schools

[ladyorlandodream]

Italian Minister of Education wants students at school to study the Bible. Friendly reminder that:

Italy is a secular state

The Constitution says so

[hannieehaee]

HELLFIRE

18+ / mdi

summary: whenever he was at a crossroads, seokmin always knew he could turn to god. however, with the recent thoughts you've been putting in his head, he's not sure god will show him the answer this time around.

content: virgin!seokmin, catholic!seokmin, religious repression, old fashioned and exaggerated catholic beliefs, very brief mention of homophobia, very conservative beliefs, a lowkey cult-ish view of catolicism oops, seokmin is veryyy socially awkward and not used to socialization outside of religion, his parents are super overbearing, lots of family tensions, seokmin has an estranged brother (jeonghan), conflicting emotions about god, sexual repression, reader is an atheist, afab reader, smut, dry humping, oral (m and f receiving), handjob, penetrative sex, loss of virginity, etc.

wc: 13k

a/n: she's here!! i didnt write an outline for this and i kinda only focused on seokmin's pov for this which makes reader kinda look like she's trying to corrupt him for no reason lol but i promise its still fluffy and cute <3

masterlist | kofi/patreon

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Normalcy for Seokmin had always equated to the church. It was what he'd known since childhood and what he grew up surrounded by up until his current age.

His upbringing had been good by all accounts. Although he had an estranged brother who he didn't get to see too often, he had a father and a mother who cherished him like no one else. His financial means were also to be envied, as he was raised in a wealthy part of town and had always been surrounded by an upper class community – a heavily religious community.

This community was one that Seokmin always respected and cherished. Being brought up going from one private catholic school onto the next as he aged, Seokmin never knew anything other than the constant supervision of nuns and religious figures who would constantly guide him in the right direction (at least according to the bible). While others may think this lifestyle to be restricting, Seokmin knew it to be the proper path for a young man to follow. He never complained about the bi-weekly mass he had to attend with his parents, nor about the separation by gender that was mandated by his school. Seokmin knew all his prayers by heart and was sure of what his role in society must be. In short, Seokmin knew and did all things proper and by the letter.

As a young man (at the ripe age of 20), Seokmin finally found himself in a society that was not of catholic background. After transferring from a two year college in town (one centered around catholic studies, of course), Seokmin was now readying himself to move away from home in order to finalize his education in a fully co-ed institution for the following two years.

It wasn't like Seokmin had never interacted with people outside of the church (or with women in general). He was simply a bit on the shier side when it came to non-religious endeavors and usually only stuck by his religious community, which often abided by old-fashioned rules found in the bible. For instance, Seokmin had been so dedicated to the church that he would usually spend his free time volunteering at the church's food drive or performing with his church group at various family-friendly events around town. This meant that Seokmin's inner circle always consisted of people who had an almost identical ideology as that of his own.

Seokmin felt bad at admitting this (which was why he never vocalized these thoughts), but he could sometimes get a bit tired of the consistency of his life. It was a constant repetition of events surrounded by the same exact people time and time again. He never had any opportunity to be challenged or observe outside opinions, specially not with the constant supervision his community gave youth like him (something about wanting him to follow the right path unlike his older brother). Seokmin knew and trusted his beliefs, so he felt a bit infantilized whenever his own family would become overbearing while ensuring Seokmin didn't go off the rails like his brother had – his brother, who was still a quite a sore subject for him.

And now, Seokmin felt excitement. Knowing he would finally be able to explore the outside world and experience the last couple of years of his college life not under the watchful eye of his church. However, as a strong believer himself, Seokmin had still ensured he would have time to attend mass every week and maybe join a religious club on campus. Although he sometimes felt scrutinized by his family and community, Seokmin had never once faked his belief in God. I mean, it was all he had known thus far and all he felt he could really count on no matter what.

When the day to move into his dorms finally arrived, Seokmin had a difficult time hiding his excitement. His community had thrown him a goodbye party, allowing him to be the main focus of the night as one by one, every adult figure in his life bid their farewells accompanied by thinly veiled warnings to not fall into the bad habits sometimes found in non-religious communities. Seokmin was pure-minded at heart, so he took these warnings with a warm and heartfelt gratitude, knowing that despite his desire to expand his horizons, it was important he kept his beliefs safe.

Thanks to his parents, Seokmin had the fortune of being able to rent a room away from the dorms. His parents had insisted, claiming that dorm life could get quite rowdy and that a roommate who had not been pre-approved by them may give him a bad influence and lead him towards an unholy path. Seokmin, already slightly nervous about heading into the world on his own, agreed in order to give himself a safe space of solitude in case he needed it.

The apartment was pretty close to the dorms themselves, allowing Seokmin a calm commute in his bike every day for his classes. Thus far, he had been in the city for a week, still having a few days before school actually began. He had attended his church club already, meeting all the other members and scouting out who he may be able to befriend in the near future. Everyone seemed pretty much like the preppy rich kids he had grown up with all throughout his years of catholic school. There was a bit more of variety among the people in the club than back home, with the club allowing for co-ed inclusion of members (something which was quite common in church groups, though Seokmin had grown too accustomed by his non co-ed upbringing). They also seemed to come from different backgrounds, but ultimately Seokmin could tell that just like him, they were very likely brought up in a very coddled and comfortable way. This was how your presence in the club first stood out to him.

While everyone seemed very put together and happy to be there, you caught Seokmin's attention right away. Your visible discomfort was the first thing Seokmin noticed. Though you looked as nice and welcoming as anyone else, Seokmin could see that you seemed like a closed book. Your eyes did not light up the same as the rest of the members, nor did you actively participate in the icebreaker activities set up by the club. Seokmin also caught onto the fact that the other members already knew each other (likely from previous years at the college), while they treated you like a black sheep. And of course, Seokmin couldn't help but notice your appearance, which made it difficult for him to look away from you.

Of course, Seokmin had had female friends in the past. It's not like his church separated the pews by gender or anything like that. Seokmin was just slightly reserved. With his constant attendance at institutions that insisted upon gender separation at all times and very overbearing parents, Seokmin never really had the chance to form any type of relationship with any girl throughout his youth. He had teamed up with other female volunteers while working at charities and had even been in charge of showing new girls in the community around the church's premises. However, these were very isolated instances.

As of the past twenty years, Seokmin was yet to ever really think about women liberally. He was always taught that time for those things would come eventually, whatever that meant. It was something that had been repeated to him by both his parents, neighbors, the reverend, and even at some point by his brother (though his brother had said it in a sarcastic tone, which confused Seokmin even further).

And now here he was, sitting quietly across the room from you as he watched you in silence, barely paying attention to whichever new activity the group leaders were discussing for the first charity event they'd hold during the upcoming semester.

You were pretty. Seokmin could tell that much. His mind did not process anything other than your features for almost the entirety of the meeting, being far too occupied by analyzing every inch of your person as he unknowingly held his breath.

His eyes on you did not seem to catch your attention at any point, but they did catch the attention of a fellow member of the group who was sitting near him.

"You know her?", asked the nameless member.

"Oh, uh, what? No, I was just– "

"She's not really a member here, you know. Just kind of an honorary one, I guess."

"What do you mean?", he finally took his eyes off you due to his sudden interest in the conversation.

"Her parents pay for her tuition as long as she can prove she's an active member of the local catholic community. Apparently she just pretends for them, but her parents still somehow bought her way into the club", the guy lowered his voice to a whisper, "I heard she's an atheist, man. We just have to kinda ignore she's there."

Though Seokmin knew that his parents' immediate reaction to such gossip would be shock at the blatant disrespect you were showing towards your parents who clearly just wanted you to not stray away from the path of God, Seokmin was more annoyed at the guy who found it so easy to talk about you behind your back completely unprompted.

While Seokmin couldn't understand why someone would claim themselves atheist when it was so clear to him how life had been created, he still saw it wrong to judge someone for their beliefs. It was oftentimes that churchgoers back home would exhibit malicious intentions such as what he'd just witnessed from his fellow group member. You were clearly not bothering anyone and even looked pretty aware of the alienation the members were putting you through, so Seokmin couldn't help but feel sad for you.

He shyly shrugged off the guy who had made him privy to your information and went back to staring at you as you sat back and seemingly waited for the bi-weekly meeting to end.

Despite catching his curiosity that day, Seokmin did not end up having any contact with you, being way too shy to even hold eye contact with you as the meeting ended.

Days passed and Seokmin finally started school. He had to admit, he felt completely out of his league. Thanks to his parents, he was never properly socialized as a child. While most members of the church would have active social lives outside of their ministry (even going to public schools and participating in non-catholic leisure activities), Seokmin had always been confined into a box that only allowed him to interact with other heavily religious people. This was never a problem to Seokmin, who was happy to dedicate his life to the lord. Except now it was proving troublesome.

Since professors had a tendency to get liberal during discussions at times, he felt scandalized by many of the subjects spoken about during class. He also felt awkward interacting with other people his age, who would share very different beliefs from his own. Seokmin had even attempted to dabble into social media at some point now that he was not under his parent's' watchful eye, but even that had him feeling unseemly.

Overall, Seokmin felt embarrassed at how little life experience he had due to having dedicated his entire life thus far to serving both God and his parents. He was beginning to understand why his brother Jeonghan had left home as soon as he turned of age. He had always judged him for it, but his judgment was beginning to fade away.

Now that he no longer had his parents nor community around (much less his brother), the only comfort he could turn to was that of his nightly prayers.

His struggles continued for the following weeks, with Seokmin becoming a bit of an outcast in most social situations. He was quite outgoing in the church, but this was a completely different environment in which he felt ridiculous every time he tried to interact with people who had had far more social advantages and freedom than he did growing up.

Keeping a low profile had been easy to achieve for Seokmin. He decided after a few very awkward interactions that he would simply become an outcast and stick to himself, only ever interacting with his church club the few times a week they'd meet (though unfortunately never having the courage to interact with you). This seemed to work up until the second week of school, in which Seokmin's women's studies teacher informed the class they'd be doing a partner project for the entirety of the semester.

Seokmin had taken the class against his parents' wishes, feeding them with a white lie that it was part of the necessary curriculum in order to graduate. He argued to himself that this was a subject he would never be exposed to in his community, knowing his community to be slightly ... old-fashioned. This part of his life always made him embarrassed, – not really sharing many of the beliefs his community had tried to drill into him – so he wanted to atone for his lack of knowledge now that he was in a completely independent environment.

Teaming up with someone back home was always easy, as he was quite popular both in church and at school. Here, however, he had already given himself the reputation of awkward and overly dedicated to God – he had stated his devotion to God during the individual introductions they'd done on week 1, leading to low chuckles and uncomfortable looks from his classmates – which was something that the general population did not seem to like. He was avoided by his fellow women's studies classmates since then.

Sure, Seokmin did share a few old-fashioned catholic beliefs such as the necessity devotion to God and the importance of one's purity being kept until marriage, but he did not agree with any other bigoted beliefs shared by many catholic communities. He had genuinely taken this class with the hope to learn and expand his horizons, but most people in it had already decided that he must be a close-minded weirdo.

By some struck of luck, as Seokmin sat back, completely defeated while he watched other people stand up and enthusiastically find a partner, he suddenly heard someone clear their throat to call his attention.

It was you.

He hadn't realized you were taking this class too due to the high mass of students (about 100, give or take). And now he found himself looking up at you from his seat as you gave him what seemed to him like a confident grin.

"Hi, Seokmin," you sat next to him without so much as asking.

Your sitting position was troublesome for Seokmin, as he noticed the way in which your short skirt rid up as you crossed your legs and leaned towards him. You were wearing more revealing clothing today than any other time in which he'd seen you at the bi-weekly meetings. Your attire wasn't provocative by any means, it was just that you were always more covered up at the meetings. Seokmin assumed it might've been due to some scrutiny you may have faced by the members. This made him frown internally.

"Oh ... hi. Y-you know my name?", he sat up from his slouched position and faced his body towards yours, though he was too shy to meet your eyes for too long.

"Of course I do, Seokmin. We're in a church group together, remember?"

You carried a very confident and laid back air to you despite having only spoken to him for the first time just now. You also seemed much livelier than back at the confined room where his fellow church group members gathered. This was likely due to the lack of scrutiny you usually received completely unwarranted while at his church group's meetings.

"Ah, yeah, just, uh, didn't realize you noticed me."

"C'mon, Seokmin. You're the only person in there who doesn't look at me like I killed their dog. Of course I'd notice you."

He wasn't sure how to respond, but that at least answered the question as to whether or not you were aware of the gossip a few of the other members had let him in on.

"I'm sure that's not true ... I– "

"It's fine, really. Anyways, I just wanted to ask you if you'd like to partner up?", you suggested, completely unfazed by the mention of your judgmental group mates.

"O-oh. You want to? I mean, yeah! Of course," he couldn't help but feel relieved at the prospect of not having to meet with the professor after class to let her know he'd need her assistance finding a partner.

"Great. Here, put your number in my phone and I'll let you know when I can stop by your place so we can brainstorm," you handed him your phone as if nothing; as if you weren't suggesting going over alone to his apartment unsupervised.

He hesitated but gave you his number, flinching a bit when your hands accidentally touched.

"Thanks. I was thinking this Friday. Is that okay with you?"

"Oh, y-yeah. Sure," he mustered a toothy smile for you.

You giggled under your breath, "Okay, Seokmin. Looking forward to seeing you," there was a permanent smile in your eyes as you spoke to him, making him a bit giddy.

He bid his goodbyes back and finally let out a puff of air when you parted ways.

The rest of the class period was completely wasted to Seokmin. His mind was too giddy and preoccupied with thoughts of seeing you again, this time in a more intimate setting. The thought made him anxious, though he also felt some weird tingling he wasn't fully sure how to describe.

Did this mean you had noticed him too? Had he stood out to you in this huge hall? The thought made him shudder before regaining control of himself and starting to anxiously doodle on his notebook.

He snuck a glance over at the direction in which you left, now localizing your seat. You were talking to a few friends, which confused Seokmin greatly. This meant that you already had friends in this class, so why would you go out of your way to team up with him? Was his curiosity about you maybe mutual? This question would surely be all Seokmin thought about for the next two days until the two of you finally met up to discuss your project.

Seokmin saw you again the following day at second bi-weekly meeting of the week.

Once more, you sat back and said nothing, only bothering to sign your name on the attendance board at the start of the meeting and taking your usual seat away from everyone else.

Your attire was different from what you had been wearing in your women's studies class just a few hours ago. You had donned a long skirt and a long sleeve too instead of the tiny shorts he had seen you wearing previously. This change in attire made no difference to Seokmin, however, since he already knew what your bare legs looked like and could not prevent himself in picturing them as he stared.

Your presence had yet again proved to be incredibly distracting to Seokmin, who had already been thinking about you ever since you had suggested to meet at his place.

There was no one he could ask for advice about what to wear or what to do. His friends back home would frown at the thought of Seokmin even considering an unchaperoned gathering with a girl – especially an self-declared atheist who was simply pretending to be catholic for her parents.

His parents were also not a good option. Seokmin could just picture the gasp in surprise at the revelation that his women's studies class (one which his parents had called 'useless' and 'made up') had enticed him into bringing a girl home while no one else was around. He cringed at the mere thought of them attempting to intercept the situation by barging in and lecturing both you and him on proper relations between man and woman.

Seokmin knew he was overthinking all of this, but he had an internal conflict. On one side, he knew that this was just a regular meeting between classmates to discuss a project, but this was his first time alone with a girl (one he had a bit of a crush on, at that!) On the other side, Seokmin couldn't help but feel like he was breaking his parents' trust. They had explicitly forbid him from ever engaging in any type of relationship with any girl unless she was pre-approved by them (something which they'd already tried and failed at doing with Jeonghan). And on a secret third side of things, Seokmin felt like now that he was alone and untrained on what life was like in the real world, it'd be easy for him to fall susceptible to desire and betray God's word. He hadn't had any unbecoming feelings thus far, but his crush on you was enough for this fear to be instilled in him.

For now, Seokmin had the rest of his school day to worry about, so he pushed these thoughts aside and tried to draw his eyes away from your figure as he attempted to pay attention to whichever biblical lesson the group's assigned leader read from.

This was yet another biblical lesson Seokmin had heard time and time again. Despite his strong devotion to God, Seokmin always felt a little belittled at the constant repetition of teachings he had been hearing since childhood. Were his personal beliefs and devotion to God not enough? Why did he need other people to give him their own ideas of religion when he himself was an expert at all of God's teachings by now?

He related to your current situation in this aspect. Even if he felt comfortable in his religious stance, he had to join this club in order to prove to his parents that he was an active participant in the local religious community. He had to constantly deal with his parents' paranoia that he may stray away from God in the way his brother had. His constant assurance that his relationship with God was too strong for breaking was not enough for them; they simply couldn't help showing up in every corner of his life even as far away as he currently was.

Seokmin sighed at these thoughts and drew them away as much as he could. His mind was already preoccupied with thoughts of you coming over tomorrow evening.

That night he went home and prayed his anxieties away, turning to the only being he could possibly trust with his grievances.

"Hi", you smiled brightly at Seokmin, hands holding onto the handles of your backpack as you stood in front of his open apartment door.

"H-hey."

He stepped aside to let you in, wincing internally as he noticed the short length of the white dress you were wearing. He could tell by now that your personal style was more revealing than what you chose to wear at religious gatherings. He couldn't blame you, but he wished you'd cover up more for his poor sanity.

"Do you wanna do it here or did you wanna do it in your bedroom?", you broke him out of his train of thought.

"H-huh ? D-do what? Oh, oh! Yeah. I mean, here is fine. Unless you want to do it in my bedroom? I mean, do the work in my bed– yeah!"

He physically winced at his stupid thoughts; the dumb paranoia that this was more than a platonic study date had gotten to him despite having prayed to calm his nerves just minutes before your arrival.

Luckily for him, all you did was giggle under your breath and take a seat on his couch before taking off your backpack and settling your stuff on his table.

Dumbly, he stood there just watching you, catching sight of your dress riding up yet again in the same way it had two days ago in class.

You patted the space on the couch next to you, telling him to come sit, that you 'didn't bite.' The best response he could muster to that was an awkward chuckle and a follow-up on your instruction.

He made sure to leave ample space between the two of you, even making sure to avoid eye contact as he also pulled out a few notes of his own.

Without saying anything, you scoot closer to him, even turning to face him further, though still facing forward for the most part. Your knees were now bumping into his and your scent was near enough to invade his senses.

"Is this okay? Am I too close?", you asked when you noticed him stiffen.

"N-no. I'm sorry. I ... I'm being dumb. You're fine."

"Then how come you won't look this way?", you leaned even further towards him, making sure his eyes couldn't miss yours from his position.

He braved it and turned to face you, though his eyes were trained on your chin rather than your eyes. He now realized there was less distance between you than he thought.

"I'm sorry, I ..."

You interrupted him but grabbing his chin and gesturing him to look into your eyes.

"Do I make you nervous, Seokmin? You can look at me. You know that, right? It's not a sin to look into a girl's eyes", though your words sounded like mockery, your tone was as soft as your eyes.

He gulped and finally allowed himself to look at you. You were far too close now. Things had progressed too quickly, and in ways that Seokmin had thought were ridiculous to assume when he'd been going over the possibilities of your visit today. Yet here he was, eyes nervously staring into yours, trying their hardest to not lower to your lips or cleavage.

"You're exactly as I thought you would be," you started, hand moving from his chin to softly run your thumb on his cheek, "You're not like them. You're sweet ... But you're scared, aren't you?"

He didn't know where this was going, but your tone was soft and your words sweet so he nodded silently.

"It's okay to want things, Seokmin. Doesn't make you a bad person. You wanna please Him, though, don't you? Don't wanna disappoint Him?"

You were seeing right through him. It made him feel both understood but also like he was just as superficial as he thought the judgmental members of your church group to be.

"I just ..."

"It's okay, Seokmin. He'd want you to be happy. I ... I know it's meaningless hearing it from me, but He wouldn't want you to face this turmoil. You can give in. It's okay, I promise", your last words were said in the form of a whisper against his lips.

You were so close he could breathe you in, but his lips were unfortunately still not touching your own. This frustrated Seokmin, though it also relieved him. He felt way too heated to even engage in something as innocent as a kiss.

He knew that his first kiss would only lead to more. He had been so pent up all this years, shaming any desire away from his mind at every opportunity. He had never even pleasured himself, knowing it was frowned upon by God – at least that's the thought that was hammered into him since way too young an age.

He remembered the various conversations in which any thought of a relationship were verbally beaten out of him. He remembered the reaction of his parents when he had let it slip in kindergarten (his last year in a non-catholic institution) that he had a crush on the girl who'd been assigned as his new desk mate. He recalled the way his mom talked down on the four-year old girl, claiming her parents were not catholic and that she would be a bad influence on him. He remembered when his first phone was confiscated from him at fifteen when his father caught him watching the latest Twice music video at the time, claiming such things would lead him to impure thoughts. He remembered the last day he saw his brother two years ago right after a screaming match with his parents who had insulted and demeaned Jeonghan's partner, claiming he would burn in hell for his decisions against the lord's word.

With all these thoughts plaguing his mind, Seokmin let himself become numb to any spiritual consequences that would come from letting himself go. He found himself internally damning anything that wasn't your lips or the feeling of your hand on his cheek and sighed against you when you finally closed the gap.

Seokmin couldn't help himself in whining into your mouth when he felt your tongue tease his mouth open and begin intertwining with his own.

His arms were stiff against his sides and his lips far too shy and sloppy. It worried him that maybe he was not pleasing you in the way you did him, specially when you pulled away and spoke to him.

Your eyes were still on his lips and the distance between you remained small as you spoke up, "Follow my lead, okay Minnie? Let me show you .."

You kissed him again, this time slower and more sensual. It made his eyes roll back.

He took the hint and began moving his tongue in the same way yours did. He also shyly ran his hands up and down your back upon your wordless insistence that his arms wrap around your form. Following your instructions felt natural, though what you did next caught him completely off guard.

Your hands had snuck away from his cheek, with one now pulling at his hair (and making his eyes roll even further back in the process) and your other hand sneaking into his pants, touching him softly through his boxers.

He jumped back and accidentally disconnected your lips, gasping at the sudden intrusion.

"I ... I cant, I don't ..."

"It's okay if you don't want to, Minnie. I should've asked," you drew back a little, making Seokmin jump once again, but this time to make sure you stayed close.

"It's not that, I just ... I don't– "

"It's okay to want me. It's okay if you want this. We can stop if you want to, but ... you can want me ... You won't get in trouble, I promise."

Your lips were still close enough for him to reach, making him hesitantly grace them with his own. Thankfully you took the hint, giving him a wanton kiss that had him feeling dizzy.

He thoughtlessly kissed you back, whining any time you did something he particularly liked. You didn't attempt touching under his pants again, now simply sticking to running your hands up and down his clothed chest while his shyly caressed your back.

The kiss got heated pretty quickly, making him extremely light headed. He didn't know where this was going nor how he would feel afterwards, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

His thoughts were interrupted when your lips left his own and trailed from his cheek to his ear, licking and nibbling at his lobe before whispering in it.

"Is this okay?"

"Y– yes. Please ..."

Your kisses against his neck had him throwing his head back. If he was mindless before, he was fully without a care now. Even if his community ever found out what he was up to during his first month away from home, he didn't care in this moment. His guilt may come later, but for now all he could do was enjoy your kiss.

"Can I play with you, Minnie?", you pulled away and gave him a sweet peck before asking.

"You ... It's wrong, I– He'll ..."

"He won't know, Minnie. It's okay. It'll feel so good."

You hesitantly snuck your hand under his trousers once more, slowly enough to allow him to deny you should he wish to. His sinful desire for you prevented him from moving, so you continued until your hand was wrapped around him.

"A– ah ... Y– you ... I've never ..." he sighed.

"Never touched yourself like this before?"

"'s not allowed, I ... I shouldn't ..."

"It's okay. I'm just taking care of you. Nothing wrong with taking care of your needs, right Minnie?"

He felt mocked by how ridiculous it sounded coming out of your mouth. But he still felt guilt. Guilt at every moan that left his mouth as you slowly rubbed up and down his length. Guilt at the way he wanted your lips back on his. Guilt at how difficult it was for him to drag his gaze away from your soft mounds peaking from your cleavage.

One thing was betraying everything his parents had always warned him about, but betraying God's word made him feel like he'd burn up until the day he faced his punishment.

Except he couldn't bring you to stop. He couldn't prevent himself in mindlessly nodding at you and asking you to please not stop.

Suddenly you grabbed his arm, directing it towards your chest. You must've noticed his heavy eyes eyeing your cleavage and realized what thoughts had been going through his perverted mind.

"Wanna touch them? It's okay, just ... just squeeze, yeah? That's it, fuck ... You're so pretty, Minnie," you sighed oh so prettily as soon as he followed your direction and experimentally squeezed at your clothed breasts.

He moaned and moaned at both your touch on him and his on yours. But he began to panic when he felt himself heating up more and more, feeling like he would soon reach a crescendo that he would never be able to fall back from.

"It's okay, Minnie. Let go. Let go for me, pretty. I'll take care of you," you must've sensed his panic and shut him up with your tongue in his mouth, swallowing his whines of pleasure as his end took over him.

He had never felt such pleasure before. Every touch you gave him was better than the last, making him wonder what other sinful acts with you would end up feeling like. He shuddered at the thought and went back to the blissful state his high was giving him.

You kept whispering soft praises to him, telling him that it was okay and that he could let go. He hadn't realized that he was crying until one of your hands softly wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed softly at them. He felt more loved by your care than he ever had before. The seed of doubt was then planted into his head; why would such a loving an intimate act ever be seen as anything but holy?

He began to feel corrupted, but also conflicted on his thoughts on the matter. One thing he knew for sure, however; this would not be enough – he would seek you again and again.

After even more caring words from you, the two of you parted ways with no work done. You kissed him goodbye and told him you'd see him again soon. He responded shyly but you accepted it with yet another kiss and finally left his apartment.

That night Seokmin attempted to pray his conflicting thoughts away once more, but even then, Seokmin left mention of you out of his prayers, fearing that acknowledging your sudden and rapid effect on him would be the downfall of his purity and of the already strained relationship with his parents.

The following Monday, Seokmin saw you again at the first of the two bi-weekly meetings of your church group. As per usual, you sat alone on a corner while the rest of the club engaged in conversation with one another.

Seokmin chose to sit back once again, deciding to watch you from afar rather than participate in the conversation like he usually did, except this time you began to occasionally look back at him with a sweet smile. Your eye contact would cause him to look down with a blush, but after enough instances of catching your eye, he decided to shyly smile back at you. This proved to be fruitful, as you suddenly stood up and quietly walked your way over to him. Due to the conversation being led by the other group members, your new seat next to Seokmin went unnoticed, causing Seokmin's nerves to not flare up too much.

It was wordless but soft, the way in which you shared a seat with him and offered him yet another sweet smile. He felt giddy at having your attention in such a way. He was aware that he barely knew you, but having you become part of his life (in any way you may have wanted) made him feel a sense of pride he had never felt before.

The two of you spent the rest of the meeting giving each other shy smiles and playing tick tack toe on his notebook. When it was time to part ways, you finally spoke up and told Seokmin you needed to head back first, as your next class was far away. Seokmin wanted to offer to walk you, but was interrupted by another member of the group who called his attention – the same guy who had previously warned him about you. Due to the standoffish manner in which other group members behaved around you, you left awkwardly while Seokmin frowned and stayed back.

Slightly frustrated at not being able to bid you a proper goodbye (or walk with you as he had wished to offer), Seokmin's demeanor to his group mate was less polite than usual.

"What, are you two friends?", asked the member in a somewhat accusatory tone.

"I ... Yeah, maybe. Why?"

"I wouldn't advise that, Seokmin. She's a bad influence. I mean, you haven't been participating as much as when you first got here. It starts when you least expect it. Just don't want you to fall down a bad path."

"What bad path?"

"She was part of our faith at some point. Until she got corrupted, and now she just infiltrates our spaces like a nuance. She'll corrupt you in the same way if you're not careful. Take the advice, brother. Just don't get too close," and with that, he gave Seokmin a condescending nod and made his way out.

Since leaving home, Seokmin had forgotten how many churchgoers would cross boundaries without much care. How they would use the excuse of being 'sons and daughters' of God to be judgmental.

He saw no issue with your behavior. Maybe you had kissed Seokmin and maybe you had ... done other stuff to him. But you weren't a bad person for that. It wasn't like Seokmin stopped you (or even wanted to stop you). He wasn't sure why he felt so defensive over his groupmate's advice, but he couldn't help but be peeved off by this interaction for the rest of the day.

His mood stayed so sour towards his groupmate's harsh judgment of you that he had forgotten to do his nightly prayer before going to sleep, even forgetting to send a message with his blessings to his parents like he usually did.

The next morning he awoke to some overbearing messages from his parents inquiring why he had not messaged them the night prior. Seokmin was surprised at himself when his first reaction to their myriad of messages was to roll his eyes and lock his phone back up. He loved his parents, but his separation from them had quickly showed him how controlling they tended to be. But Seokmin realized it wasn't only them; it was the entirety of the puritanical and judgmental community he had grown up with.

Despite having only hung out with you once, you were already a breath of fresh air to Seokmin. You didn't judge him over his shy and socially awkward demeanor. He had a hunch that since you two belonged to the same church group and had likely had similar upbringings, you probably understood why he was the way that he was. Unlike everyone else he had met at this school so far (other than the other members of the church group), you weren't mean to him nor did you ever ignore him. You had seeked him out! The thought still gave him butterflies.

~

The two of you continued to casually hang out like this over the next week or so, though it usually tended to be only while on meetings with your church group or during your women's studies class.

Contrasting with your previous meeting, any time the two of you would hang out now mostly consisted of working on your project or getting to know each other. He had come to find out that you were here on a scholarship and that, as the nosy guy in your church group had stated, you were only attending the church group to appease your parents' belief that you should maintain some type of connection to God regardless of your beliefs in catholicism. You didn't get too much into it, but you also informed Seokmin that despite what the group members believed, you did not have a bad relationship with your parents due to your contrasting beliefs. This made Seokmin envious, pondering about how his parents would react should he ever find himself changing his faith.

Through the few times you saw each other in class, Seokmin grew to like you more and more. He knew now that he felt something for you that he had never before. He had a crush, for arguably one of the first times in his life. There were also more sinister feelings dwelling in his mind, however. Sometimes he would think back to that day alone in his apartment, when you took his innocence (though only partially). He wanted more, but he felt like he was simultaneously sinning and disrespecting you by even thinking about it. He still felt conflicted about last time, thinking himself a sinner and a bad son for disobeying both God and his parents, but he couldn't help himself in wanting more.

A few days later, Seokmin saw you yet again at your shared women's studies class.

Seokmin was completely unable to pay any attention to class today. Unfortunately for his sanity, you had recently begun to sit next to him every time the two of you shared this class. Seokmin had grown accustomed to sitting alone at the very back row of the auditorium in which your women's class was given. The first day he had sat next to a few people, but after mentioning his devotion to God during his personal introduction, he found people not only avoiding his eye and snickering at him but even going out of their way to sit away from him. You had been the sole exception, deciding to sit with him a few days after your meeting at his apartment, now smiling at him as you sat side by side.

Today, you have him more trouble than usual. You sent him flirtatious smiles during the entirety of class, even occasionally gracing your hand slowly on his leg. This had him shuddering and completely distracted, but he couldn't bring himself to stop you. You gave him a thrill he had never experienced before. While his mind before meeting you had always been dedicated to thinking of God and his duties as a member of the church, his mind was now fully occupied by you. As silly as it sounded, he had never felt the thrill of a crush before (specially not one that was reciprocated like this), and now he didn't know how to act.

"Hey, Minnie," you whispered to him as your professor lectured in the background.

"Y- yeah?"

"Wanna meet at my apartment after class today to study?", you now whispered right against his ear, finger drawing figures on his thigh.

"Oh, I– Of course," he coughed out.

You only giggled quietly in response and went back to paying attention to class (though still occasionally doodling cute hearts in Seokmin's notebook).

After class, the two of you walked together. Only a few minutes into your walk through campus, you slipped your hand into his. He was surprised by this, but allowed himself to squeeze yours back. His heart soared when you started swinging your intertwined hands back and forth.

Was this what romance felt like? The thought alone made Seokmin feel giddier than he had ever before. He relished in the simple act of holding your hand and felt pride any time you'd stop for a few seconds to say hi to some friends, never once letting go of his hand and even giving a quick introduction of his name.

You were quite literally heaven on Earth to Seokmin. He couldn't wait to get to know you even further.

~

Walking to your place took about half an hour, but it was worth it the moment the two of you stepped in and you immediately pushed Seokmin against the wall, stealing a kiss from him.

"Minnie ... Been thinking about you since last time ..." you kissed at his neck, pulling his collared neckline out of the way.

"Me too ..."

"Yeah? What'd you think about?", you paused to pull back and look at him, "You don't regret it, do you? Was I too much?", your tone was genuine, more genuine than he had ever heard anyone direct themselves to him.

"N-no, of course not. I've, uh, I wanted more ... Just .. was too shy to ask."

"Aw, Minnie. You don't have to be shy with me. We can do anything you're comfortable with," you shared a sweet smile with him before pulling him back in for a heated kiss.

This was only Seokmin's second instance in kissing you, – last time having been only over a week back – but he now found it easier to match your rhythm and play with your tongue in ways that had you humming against his lips. He wanted to give you pleasure in the way you'd given it to him. So far he felt like he'd been doing well with the kissing. You somehow walked him over to your bedroom without disconnecting your lips, making his heart speed up at the thought of what was coming up next.

He yelped against your lips when you pushed and straddled him on the bed, hands too shy to know where to touch. Fortunately, you didn't leave him hanging for long and positioned them on your waist for him.

"Minnie ... I don't wanna pressure you. So we're gonna do something similar to last time, yeah?"

He was of course in agreement, but ...

"I ... I wanna make you feel good too ... Please?", he almost winced at how pathetic he sounded. He also had absolutely no idea of how to please you. He had never even considered watching porn (being told he'd go to hell for even entertaining such thoughts), nor had he ever received any type of sexual education. As lame as it sounded, Seokmin was completely clueless as to what women did for pleasure. He had been clueless as to how male pleasure worked up until you had shown him.

"Do you want me to teach you how, Minnie?", you asked while unbuttoning his shirt.

"Please ..."

You kissed him again in response, wordlessly taking off both his and your clothes. When you finished, Seokmin couldn't help but feel exposed. However, the thought of his own nudity (sans his boxers) left his mind as soon as he realized you were also down to just your underwear.

With his mouth agape and his arms not knowing where to go, Seokmin simply sat under you and sweat bullets as he attempted not to stare anywhere below your chin.

Noticing his nervous demeanor, you giggled at him and put your hand on his cheek while the other remained on his shoulder.

"Oh, Minnie ... So pretty. Do you even know how pretty you are?", you ran your hands up and down his chest in a sweet manner, "And I'm the only one who gets to see it, hmm? All mine?",

"Y-your .... yes ... for you."

"Fuck. I'm gonna have so much fun with you. Gonna teach you everything."

Despite your words' effect on him, his main focus right now was your almost bare body and its proximity to him. He could feel the heat of your skin against his. His mind kept thinking about what you must look like beneath your underwear, with his eyes heavy and glued to your covered breasts.

"Want me to take off my bra, Minnie? You just have to ask. I'll go as far as you want to go," you pecked his lips yet again, still running your hands up and down his chest.

"Y-yeah. Wanna see you. Is that ... is that okay? Just wanna make you feel as- as good as you did me ..."

Your breath hitched, "Oh, angel ... So sweet and selfless. I'll show you. Fuck, I'll show you everything."

You separated yourself from him a bit in order to give him a full view. Then, in slow and sensual movements, you threw off your bra, proceeding to caress your own breasts as you gave Seokmin a sultry look.

Fuck.

What type of teachings were preventing him from seeing you in your barest of forms? You were nothing lesser than art itself. You were so warm and beautiful; so soft and perfect – both inside and out. Seokmin couldn't believe he had ever considered such things to be scandalous (which admittedly, he still kind of believed). At the same time, he was kind of glad he had never engaged in such acts before, because it allowed for you to be the first (and hopefully last) woman he would ever see in such an intimate setting.

Those thoughts aside, Seokmin was short-circuiting. He was so distracted he didn't even notice you removing your panties and settling back on his lap until you verbally called his attention again.

"Minnie? Wanna feel them? Hmm?", your hands were already on his, leading them directly to your soft mounds.

"F-fuck," he couldn't help but groan upon feeling the weight of them on his hands, "you're so beautiful ... Y-you're, oh fuck-"

Words could not express the unimaginable beauty he was witnessing, nor the arousal he felt at having you so bare and willing in front of him. He didn't know what to do or how he was supposed to react. He felt kind of bad at his wordless state, but he couldn't help being speechless at feeling such pleasure from merely seeing you.

"Like this, Minnie. Just- fuck ... yeah, like that ..." you instructed for his thumbs to play with your nipples, even making him pinch at them. Your sighs and the way you arched your back were enough for Seokmin to want to leave everything behind and dedicate his life to your pleasure.

"K- kiss them? Please, Minnie ..."

He took your order immediately, leaning down to kiss around your nipples, glasses fogging from the close proximity to your skin.

Your sighs intensified and your hand moved to angle his head so that his lips would land on your nipple. Taking the hint, he enveloped your pert nipple in between his lips and sucked, licking and nibbling at it as he saw fit. Eventually he lost himself a bit, allowing his hands to fondle your breasts desperately as he whined into your breast. Your whines for more made him lose his mind, leading to his mind fogging up even more.

This progressed for a while until you finally moved his head away from your tits and stole a wet kiss from his lips.

"You're so good, Minnie. So obedient ... Such a good boy for me," you breathed against his lips, wiping his foggy glasses before slipping them back on.

He physically keened at your praise, not at all used to being praised for such filthy behavior but still extremely pleased he was making you feel good.

"Now ... now I'm gonna show you how to make me feel good, yeah? Still wanna try that, angel?"

He nodded too enthusiastically, glasses coming out of place due to his enthusiasm.

"Okay, baby," you giggled, "Need you to kneel on the floor for me, okay? Right between my legs ..."

Oh. You wanted him to-

He had never explored his sexual desires in any way, so he was fully unaware where exactly this was going, but the thought of looking up at you while he made you feel good between your legs sounded like the holiest act known to human.

He followed your direction, groaning when he saw the hidden space between your legs glisten.

"Oh, God ..."

"Shh, don't use the lord's name in vain, Minnie", you were just teasing, but somehow the reminder of his lord made Seokmin feel a small pang of guilt at the thought of the sin he had been actively committing with you thus far. He decided to push it aside and continue on his path. Nothing mattered to him more right now than your utmost pleasure.

"Lick it?" you used your fingers to open up your folds, letting out even more honey for Seokmin to gawk at.

Wordlessly he got closer and closer, up until his tongue was able to flick at the length of your folds. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding at the taste of your essence, becoming instantly obsessed with its warmth. What he was even more obsessed with, however, was the whine you let out at such a simple touch.

Was it possible for him – an inexperienced and sheltered boy – to make someone like you – a gorgeous and clearly knowledgeable girl – feel this good? He needed to test the theory so he kept licking to his heart's contentment, following the directions your hand gave him as you guided his head against you.

He licked shyly at first, only sucking every now and then as he did his best to act accordingly to the sounds you were making. It didn't help that his mind was plagued by your taste, smell, and the warmth between your legs – not to mention your mewls of pleasure.

"My clit, baby ... Your tongue, angle it here- oh ... fuck, right there, Minnie ..." you angled him so that he could flick his tongue at a tiny little pearl found between your legs.

With all the newfound knowledge he had on how to deliver your pleasure, Seokmin did the best he could to repeat the movements you seemed to really enjoy (at least based on how prettily you'd cry his name after). Despite his mind being completely clouded by the entirety of your person, Seokmin continued to moan and cry against your cunt as he silently begged for more of your cunt against his face.

"M-minnie! Oh ... Fuck. Such a g-good boy ... All mine, shit ... Your tongue, oh ... just like that, angel ... Y-your nose, Minnie, please! Your nose, just- oh! Fuck", you cried for him, at some point taking full control and just grinding against his face as his nose and tongue poked into your most sensitive spots.

Seokmin felt incredibly proud at your mindless state, knowing it was him who had achieved that. Nothing mattered more in that moment than your pleasure; pleasure which only Seokmin could give you.

"Gonna cum for you, angel. Lick it all for me? Be a good boy and take it for me, yeah? Shit!", you practically vibrated against him as your high took over you.

Seokmin kept his face between your legs as you came, doing his best to lick at every single drop of essence and moaning at the taste of you. He allowed you to use his face as you saw fit, reveling in the knowledge that he had given you such other-worldly pleasure.

He didn't know it was possible for him to feel such pleasure from just watching you, but now he understood. If anyone asked, this was what heaven was supposed to look like – a beautiful girl losing herself to Seokmin's touch as he himself tried not to lose his own mind.

Throughout the entirety of your orgasm, Seokmin couldn't control his hips as they ground against the bed with a complete lack of rhythm, simply humping animalistically at you taking over every single one of his senses.

After a few moments of aftershock, you suddenly pulled Seokmin up and attacked him with a filthy kiss; filthier than any you'd shared before.

Your kiss alone had Seokmin struggling to keep himself from cumming in his boxers. You had been testing his self-control from the moment you teased him in class earlier today and he just wasn't sure how much longer he could take until pleasure took over him once again.

"Want me to try it on you, Minnie?", you asked once you pulled away from the kiss.

"That? O-on me?"

"Mhmm. My mouth on you? Is that okay?", you pecked his lips again, seemingly unable to disconnect from him for too long (which Seokmin thoroughly related to).

"Yes", he deadpanned, still out of breath from being suffocated by your thighs and then your lips just moments ago.

You wasted no time in removing his boxers. Seokmin felt slightly shy at this, having never let anyone ever see him nude before. Even last time he had been with you, you had pleasured him through his clothes and not seen past his shirtless state thus far.

But you praised him as soon as he was fully nude, kissing up and down his thighs as you told him how beautiful he was, how pretty and deserving of praise you believed him to be. His whole body heat up at your soft words, with goosebumps forming at your soft kisses that led up closer and closer to where he was aching the most.

He gasped when you finally took a hold of his member, bringing your face close enough to give the weeping tip a kiss.

"O-oh ..." he threw his head back at the sweet yet filthy gesture.

You giggled under your breath and began kitten licking at his tip, sucking lightly every so often. He felt like he had finally arrived to heaven. All those stories about what awaited his good behavior while on earth must've been lies, because he found the greatest reward of all in the form of your mouth wrapped around him.

Getting braver by the second, you put almost the entirety of him in your mouth, doing things with your tongue and lips that his poor brain couldn't even process. He whined and cried at your movements, not able to understand how easily you could bring him to tears.

As he quickly neared his high, his mind turned into mush, not allowing him to register what was going on with his body. All he knew was that his cries got louder by the second, his cheeks now damp with the tears that wouldn't stop falling from his eyes. His hips were uncontrollable, having to be restrained by your hands as he chased for his high with the utmost desperation.

"P-please! I need ... Fuck, please ..." he begged for nothing in particular as his high completely took over.

He felt dirty and disrespectful as he did it, but he came inside your mouth, wincing at the way your moans vibrated while he was still in your mouth. He couldn't help himself; his thoughts had been completely overtaken by the pleasure.

His cries had not stopped as of yet, even rendering him emotional as the high of his orgasm wore down. Now was the moment of regret, knowing he had broken his unspoken oath of celibacy yet again.

This was something all people in his community swore to. It was rarely ever spoken about, but Seokmin knew that he was supposed to save himself for marriage – in every sense. Despite already having quite strong feelings towards you and the things you did to him, Seokmin still felt like he had somehow disrespected you by engaging in such acts with you. But more than anything, he felt like he had disappointed God.

So he cried. He cried into his hands despite how embarrassed he felt at doing such thing in front of you, specially after having shared such intimacy.

"Oh, Minnie ..." you coo'd at him, getting up to hold his large frame in your arms.

You allowed him to exhaust his cries as he quietly asked for forgiveness. He didn't have to explain himself, as you understood. You made your understanding evident by reassuring him that he had done nothing wrong, and that he was still such a good man.

He believed your words and thanked you, eventually calming down enough to stop crying and speak coherently.

"Do you ... do you think He'd be disappointed in me?", he knew it was a stupid question to ask considering your lack of religion. The two of you had never thoroughly discussed religion with one another, but he knew you at least understood where he was coming from.

You pouted at him, cooing at him as you responded, "Of course not, Minnie. He loves you. You're such a good boy; treat everyone so kindly even when they don't deserve it. Treat me so kindly ... No matter what anyone ever tells you, what we just did is no sin", you explained.

"B- but the bible-"

"Shhh. Your faith is your own. No one can take that away from you, Minnie. Even if I don't share those beliefs anymore, I know an amazing person when I see one. You've done nothing wrong, okay?", you caressed his cheek and pecked his lips to drive your point home.

He nodded as he tried not to tear up at your kindness.

Him even questioning his actions' consequences on his faith would've provided him with a scolding from his parents or a look in disapproval from his reverend. But in turn you gave him acceptance and love. There was no way in his mind to believe that being with you – feeling good with you – was anything other than the holiest act he could engage in.

"Do you regret it?", you interrupted his thoughts.

"N-no, of course not ... It's just ..."

"I'd never want to make you do something you don't wanna do. I ... I know we haven't known each other for long, but I like you, Seokmin. I don't want you to think I'm just trying to ... corrupt you."

"You're not!," in a change of pace, he grabbed onto your hands and looked directly into your eyes as he spoke, "Everything you've taught me, I've wanted it too. I ... I like you too."

You smiled at this, squeezing his hands affectionately, "Yeah? Does that mean you wanna keep hanging out?"

"Yeah, I'd love that."

~

Unfortunately, time for Seokmin to go home eventually came and he bid his goodbyes to you.

The two of you spent a few hours after your heart to heart actually working on your project and later watching a few episodes of a show you said you'd been watching on Hulu. It was a nice time for Seokmin to get to know you outside of school, and it only reinstated how much he liked you already.

It was about 10PM by the time he got home, which was usually around the time he went to sleep due to the early hours of his classes the following day. Almost as soon as he finished his nightly skincare and prepared himself to go to sleep, he suddenly got a call.

It was odd for him to get calls in general, but this time around he knew who it'd be before even checking his phone.

It was his parents.

Seokmin had seen this coming. He had gotten too into his head this past week; too into you. Not only had he neglected contacting his parents as frequently as they had agreed (re: every night in order to 'keep a close eye on him'), but he had also been neglecting his religious duties. He had not kept contact with any of his religious friends from back home nor had he even attended church as of late. And surprisingly ... Seokmin had not minded these recent developments. He felt freer than ever. For the first time in his life, he was not under constant surveillance, receiving judgment for any instance in which his parents believed him to step out of line in his religious lifestyle.

Back home, a single absence from bi-weekly mass would be met with passive aggressive disapproval. Any instance in which Seokmin expressed interest in anything outside of the church (such as non catholic music and dance – both of which his parents had immediately shut down), he felt as if he was breaking a law at the way in which his parents would scold him for ever even considering such 'perverted' hobbies.

Upon moving away, Seokmin had begun to realize that his upbringing hadn't been as perfect as he had thought it to be, that his parents didn't love him as unconditionally as he first thought. He thought back to his brother's estrangement from his family and felt regret at not standing up for him, knowing that his parents would turn on him just as fast as they did Jeonghan.

With a sigh, he picked up the call, mustering as much interest as he could. He made some excuse as to why he had been unable to keep in contact and promised to be better moving forward. He faked a smile in his voice and forced his way through a peaceful call (sans the few passive aggressive comments his parents threw his way) and called it a night.

For the first time in his life, he put religion and his parents aside to give himself a restful sleep, only looking forward to seeing you the next morning and going to sleep with the remembrance of what the two of you did fresh in his mind.

"Oh ... I- please ..."

"Just like that, Minnie, fuck ... Don't move, angel. Just let me do all the work, yeah?", you ground against him even faster, angling your hips so that his member would grace against your clothed folds.

It seemed like the dam had broken for you at the same time as it had for Seokmin, because you had jumped him the very next time he made his way through the threshold of your apartment.

The two of you kissed until exhausting yourselves, leading Seokmin to beg you to undress both you and him (with pleading eyes rather than verbally, as he was still too shy to beg for such things with words).

It was only one day after you had given Seokmin oral (a concept which you had introduced him to), which somehow made Seokmin even more desperate to have you. Even after his parents' call ruining his mood, you had managed to bring it back up immediately after when you messaged him late at night suggesting the two of you meet up today. After spending the entire day together, Seokmin walked you home yet again, only to be jumped by you (once again) upon entering your apartment.

One thing led to another and Seokmin found himself fully unclothed under you as you ground against him through the thin layer of your panties. Seokmin was completely weightless under you, becoming a shell of his old self as he desperately guided your hips to grind against him. He wasn't sure where this would lead, but he felt the usual conflict that always arose when the two of you were alone like this. Even through all your reassurance, Seokmin felt as if he was betraying an oath by engaging with his sexual desires for you. However, these thoughts were immediately pushed aside when you leaned back down to kiss him again.

The kiss was nasty, for lack of a better word. Seokmin didn't fully realize it, but his desperation for your touch would sometimes render him into a sloppy kisser, but you seemed to not mind it as you moaned and licked into his mouth any time his kisses got a bit messy. Your grinding got more and more intense by the second, throwing your head back at the way Seokmin senselessly canted his hips against your own.

"M-minnie ... Want more ... Is that okay? Just need to feel you so bad ... Please ..."

"M-more?"

"Do you want it too, Minnie? Wanna know what it feels like?"

"Show me? Wh- Oh ..."

"You want it too, don't you? Hmm? You're so hard against me, angel. Don't you wanna feel me?"

"I just ..."

Before he could formulate a response through the lust that was clouding his mind, you suddenly brought one of his hands between your bodies, going behind the forbidden threshold of your underwear. Anxious but also incredibly turned on, Seokmin fell limp and allowed you to do whatever you wanted. You grabbed his middle and pointer fingers, angling them so that they could seamlessly slip between your folds. Though Seokmin had already felt the wetness between your legs the day prior, he had not properly felt just how warm and tight you could be.

"Oh, it's so ... Fuck," he moaned when you began guiding his hand so his fingers could go in and out.

"Shit, Minnie ... So good ... Wanna feel it now, angel? Will you give it to me?", you slipped his fingers out after proving your point, now going back to caressing his cheek with your own hand.

"B-but ... It's a sin ..." he let out before even realizing. Even with your constant reassurance up to this point, Seokmin still felt ties to his faith that made him second-guess himself.

He knew that he had already gone past certain point with you, and that having sex with you wouldn't make much difference in his morality, but he still thought of all the teachings of celibacy and all the censorship his community had forced onto him. Was this the right choice? His body was screaming at him to let himself go and seek his high from you. His mind was telling him similar things, though there was also emphasis on the fact that doing this with you, of all people, would be the best choice he could ever make.

"Angel ... It's okay to want it. You don't have to be scared ... I'll take care of you. Just wanna be close to you, Minnie. Don't you want that too? Hmm? Just like you so much, angel," you kisses softly at his chest as you said this, breaking his resolve.

And you were right. He wanted this so badly. He wanted to be as close to you as possible, to give himself to you in the most intimate way he could.

"Y-yes. Want you so much ..." he was shy as he said it, but he meant it to the fullest extent.

You proceeded to sensually remove your underwear, sitting back down above Seokmin's dick as you made a show of grinding your nude pelvises against one another, making Seokmin cry out in desperation.

Any doubts he had left him as soon as you allowed his tip to slip in, throwing his head back as he finally felt your warmth envelop him. You let out a variety of expletives at the feelings, all while clawing at Seokmin's chest, something that had his back arching in unexpected pleasure.

"Oh, Minnie ... So full, f-fuck ..." you moaned out, taking on a slow yet deep pace that made Seokmin shut his eyes and scrunch his nose.

Seokmin couldn't describe the pleasure you were giving him. He was practically frozen in place, the only part of his body still conscious were his hands, which were likely bruising your hips from how hard he was digging his fingers onto them. He needed to keep himself grounded, but he truly felt like today was judgment day, and he had gone to heaven.

"Open your eyes, angel. Wanna see you," your hand reached over to his cheek, angling his head so he could look your way rather than keep his head in its thrown back state.

He opened his eyes to find you smiling down at him with the light hanging on your ceiling providing the best view of you possible. You looked like an angel gazing down at him, like you came down to give him the greatest ruin and drag him back up with you. You had corrupted him in the best way possible.

"Oh, Minnie ... So beautiful. My prettiest boy ... Does it feel good, angel?", he nodded and let out a whine at your soft inquiries, "Yeah? How's it feel when I do this?", you squeezed around him, now bouncing rather than grinding against him, making him close his eyes back up and cry out your name.

"I- Please! I need ...", his nails clawed at your hips and back, begging for something unknown to him. He needed more, but he wasn't sure of what.

"I know, pretty. Gonna give it to you, just- fuck ... Just need you to be good for me, yeah?," you hiccuped, leaning down to kiss him again.

He cried against your lips, eyes rolling back when your tongue began dancing with his own, your hands reaching down to toy with his nipples. You were giving him too many things at once, making the overstimulation take over his already hazy brain. He didn't care about any moral repercussions to what you were doing together. Every time you touched him further solidified how right being with you felt.

Only a few moments of your ministrations were enough for Seokmin to feel that familiar coil begin to tighten. He knew his end was near, causing him to grow restless as he planted his legs on the bed and humped against you. Despite his lack of proper technique and the sloppiness of his movements, you matched his own and wailed his name.

Your hands came down to bring his up and pin them above his head, grinding deeper and deeper against him as the two of you crazily chased your highs. The bed shook against the wall at the intensity of your actions, with nothing but nasty sounds of your muffled moans and your arousal filling up the silence. Eventually you disconnected your lips, eyeing the string of spit that connected you before burying your head in the crook of his neck.

"I- I like you so much," he groaned out, high-pitched and breathless.

"Like you so fucking m-much! You have no idea ..." you reciprocated his words as you clamped down around him and let yourself be taken by your high. Your high was more than enough to trigger his own, leaving him in a practically astral state for a few moments as his hands ran frantically up and down your body, squeezing and scratching every so often.

When your highs finally wore down, you laid yourself beside him, cuddling him near you so you could wrap your legs around him and bring him as close as possible. You faced each other as you caught your breaths, running your hands along the length of his back as his own rubbed at your hips. The moment was pure bliss.

"Do you regret it?"

"No. I could never regret anything we've done. I- I'm sorry if I made you feel that way," he looked away from your eyes.

You nudged him to look at you once more, "Don't apologize, Minnie. I understand. I'm happy I was your first. Maybe one day I'll teach you even more fun things," you flirted through a giggle.

"Oh, I- Hah, yeah", he was caught off guard by your flirting, but still laughed along.

Yeah, he wouldn't mind that.

Over the following weeks, Seokmin did a better job of keeping up with his parents. He kept a safe distance while still giving them the belief that he was still fully engaged in the religious spaces they had envisioned for him. However, he could not help but lie when it came to what occupied his day to day life – you. He didn't bring you up, which you agreed upon after a tearful conversation in which Seokmin detailed his upbringing, leading you to spend the night up with him as you comforted him. He was also yet to attend mass again, and he even occasionally skipped the bi-weekly meetings of his church group – though only when you skipped also. These were a few of the things he kept secret from his family – advice from his brother Jeonghan, who he had recently gotten in contact with again.

Seokmin's faith was still standing; his relationship with God was slightly injured by his internal conflict about your sexual relationship, though he was now sure that he felt no regrets at anything the two of you had engaged in. To him, being with you felt like the biggest reward he could have ever hoped for. Seokmin realized quickly that his issue really laid with the catholic community in which he had been brought up, rather than his relationship with God itself. He disagreed with the judgmental and overbearing way in which certain catholics circles ran, something which he distanced himself from upon meeting you.

You had even introduced him to a few of your friends, some which were even catholic like him. Your buddy Joshua was one of the chillest guys he had ever met, yet his faith was pretty intact. This made Seokmin feel less guilt, though his balance between what was right and wrong in the eyes of God was still a bit of a mess. Luckily he had you help him navigate his way through that.

Along with all these developments, Seokmin had also begun speaking to his brother Jeonghan again (behind his parents' backs, of course). It made him happy to know that despite his brother straying away from his community, he had ended up happy with his life, leading a steady relationship and being happy away from his parents' constant religious persecution.

And you ... You had become official in these past few weeks, making Seokmin constantly have to pinch himself to confirm whether or not he was imagining all this. He was still a very shy and awkward individual, usually opting to hang out alone with you in either of your apartments. He appreciated how patient you were with him, never judging him for being a bit different and even teaching him the pleasures he had been missing out on during his very restricted upbringing. You had become a piece of heaven on earth to Seokmin, corrupting him, but only in the best of ways.

a/n: i left so many things unresolved here oops but all i cared about was seokmin's character development and we got there in the end so! anyways hope u guys enjoyed!!

To read short 2k word continuation u can go join my monthly tier on kofi or patreon!

content:

wc: 587 (teaser); 2080 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

Seokmin was, yet again, at a crossroads. Though this time it wasn't anything too serious, or maybe it was.

By current time, it had now been four months since the two of you had begun dating. 'I love you's' were shared and multiple sleep overs were had. Your relationship had been everything anyone could hope for a first relationship, and Seokmin now felt way more at ease whenever the two of you did anything sexual.

Admittedly, Seokmin was still slightly awkward about it, still never allowing himself to start sexual interactions and simply following your lead. Which was the crux of his current predicament.

He was unsure if he had done something wrong, if he had maybe insulted you or maybe there was some other unknown reason behind, but it had been over a week since the two of you had slept together. Over the past four months, the two of you spent most of your nights together, taking on a very domestic routine within the first two months of your relationship. Though you obviously didn't get down to sexual activities every day, it was common for it to happen a few times a week (at the least).

It usually began with you cornering Seokmin against the wall after a tiring day of college, or sometimes it began during a movie night in which you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. Whatever it was, you were always giving Seokmin an opening to entertain his sexual desires with you whenever he pleased. Even though he was always too shy to ask, it was almost as if you were able to read his mind and always incite him when he needed it most.

His sexual desires for you had grown quite a lot, making Seokmin worry at times. Was it normal how badly he wanted you at all times? Was this a consequence of having never before received pleasure until meeting you? He felt like a degenerate sometimes, from how badly he wanted you. Which was the main reason as to why he grew antsy so quickly after not having sex with you for the past week or so.

In contrast to these past months, this past week and a half (nine days to be exact; not that Seokmin was keeping count or anything), you had not given Seokmin anything further than a sweet peck on the lips whenever the two of you fell asleep next to each other. You didn't act any differently past that, still showering him with love and spending as much time as you could with him.

It wasn't that Seokmin expected sex from you or anything, but ever since you had taught him how pleasurable it could be to have a romantic partner, he could not see himself ever going back to his old, puritan lifestyle. Seokmin had become, for lack of a better word, an addict. He couldn't help himself in desiring you every time he caught an inch of your bare legs or the soft skin of your breasts through your cleavage. He had deprived himself of sex for far too long and now he could no longer live without it.

He didn't want to seem desperate, or as if he only valued you for sex, but he needed to get to the bottom of this and find a way to get you to touch him again. He was far too shy to ever ask you directly, but he would work his hardest to entice you into letting him have you again

...

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[hoeforalbedo]

ᗪEᗩᒪ ᗯITᕼ TᕼE ᗪEᐯIᒪ ✟

Prologue

———————— ♱ ————————

WARNING: PLEASE READ.

Sensitive topics including vague details of SA. Reader will display many mental health such as depression, PTSD, and anxiety. I will also discuss after effects of said trauma such as hyper sexuality, over-sexualizing oneself, over trusting, and many more. (Many cope in different ways however I am more familiar with this side of the spectrum as I have taken this information from my experience.) Suicidal topics. Horror. Manipulation. Blasphemy. Religious horror and possibly hints of religious trauma. Demons. Paganism. Witchcraft (I try to depict witchcraft as accurate as I can however if I make it too accurate, it will seem boring so I did add magical abilities. I write it based off of how I practice it). Possession. Death. Murder. Exorcism. Sex. Ritualistic sex. Female reader. A bit of crack (reader doesn’t take things seriously. Humor is the way of coping 😭)

If any of these themes trigger you, please do not read. You have already been warned.

Writing criticism is appreciated since I want to get better in writing.

SUMMARY: Depression is shit. This town is shit. Everything is shit. But that priest is sexy and trauma dumping is hot.

———————— ♱ ————————

Kim Hongjoong was never the same after working for the Vatican. He had performed an unsuccessful exorcism that took the life of the child. Trauma could do a lot to someone and so he never went back, instead residing in a small town In Massachusetts.

The town has everything it needs, shopping centers, supermarkets, entertainment, and of course, the church. The church is the center of everything, well geographically it isn’t, but everyone’s lives revolve around it.

There was never a need to leave. Those born in the town tend to be stuck in the town.

Fortunately, you were accepted into a prestigious college and had a scholarship to cover you. You were never an academic overachiever as everyone turned out the same. Working in the small town or becoming a nun to contribute to the church.

Everyone has always been devoted to the church. The town is small enough that everyone knows each other to the point you could get a knock on your door if you don’t attend Sunday mass. If you are sick, be prepared to have your parents invite the priest for a private mass.

As a child, you would pray before every meal, abide by the commandments, go to monthly confessions, and of course Bible is above everything. You weren’t allowed to question.

At 13, you asked why God placed the garden in the first place if he knew, since he is the all knowing God after all, that Eve would eat the fruit. Your parents slapped you and had you pray the rosary three times. Another time, you were at school. It was a catholic school where nuns were teachers. You had asked, “If God said that all life is valuable and killing is a sin, why would he order Abraham to sacrifice his son.” You just felt everything to be hypocritical and at the end, you were ordered to kneel on salt as you were slapped and forced to pray.

You were told that everything is all predetermined. That everything is God’s plan. When you looked around, everybody lived the same way everyday. Women were stuck in the house while men worked. “A woman's purpose is to cook and clean. You must always keep your husband happy.” When your room was messy, your mother would always berate you, saying, “If you can’t keep your room clean, how can you expect to marry a man?” Is that really the only purpose you have? If everything is predetermined, is that all there is?

Is that all there is? That question haunted you.In high school you worked extra hard, becoming honors and getting all A’s in all subjects. You even applied to NYU without your parents knowing, and only then when you received the acceptance letter did you tell them. You didn’t give them any choice. You wanted to leave, to study and become successful. They had thought you were possessed by the devil.

So why did you come back to this awful town? Maybe God is against you. Is there even a God? Some being may have decided to punish you. You were walking to the train after your shift at the hospital. You are a neurosurgeon. You know New York can be dangerous at night. Maybe you were asking for it. Ironically, the man was Christian. That cross was all you could look at. At the end, you became depressed. You could afford a psychiatrist but that never really crossed your mind.

The irony of it all was that instead of shying away from sex, it’s like all your body wants is sex. It doesn’t make sense. You would go to clubs and bars to get laid for the night but it never really got anywhere, and the more it never progressed, the more frustrated you got. You spiraled into this sex addict maniac who would oversexualize yourself only to back away when you’re finally feeling good.

In the end, an attempted suicide sent you to the ER and your parents were called. They had decided that taking you back into town would drive the devil out of you.

———————————————————————

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand," A young man preaches for the hundreds of people in the church. He has black hair and he’s dressed in the green robe priests wear for ordinary times. He is clearly crafted personally by God. God must have taken his time carefully molding this masterpiece. You really shouldn’t be drooling over a priest. The poor lighting of the church doesn’t do his face justice, however he still looks angelic regardless.

“Depression is a sign of weakness, but that does not mean we are alone,” Pastor Hongjoong preaches and it’s clear that he’s talking about you. “God is always there for you and if you reach out to him, he will be there to light the darkness in our hearts. Depression, hopelessness, it is what the devil does to try and claw into us, to tempt us to sin. So brothers and sisters, let us pray for our sister Y/N, to help bring her into the light,” Hongjoong smiles. He watches how you uncomfortably shift in your spot, and it gives him a sense of satisfaction.

Suddenly, it feels like everyone is judging. The church looks darker than before and all eyes look at you, and only you. Even the huge statue of Jesus, a recreation of his crucifixion, stares at you as it hangs above the altar. He’s judging you and it’s clear by the look of Jesus that you aren’t crossing those pearly gates.

Hongjoong doesn’t understand why, but the way you shrink back makes him feel hot, as if his skin is burning. He shouldn’t feel that way and it causes him to feel sick to the stomach. He rushes the mass, and once he’s walked down the aisle where people sang the psalms around him like some sort of ritual, he goes to his office and downs two bottles of water. He mutters prayers under his breath until he can calm himself. Hongjoong was never the same since after the exorcism. The night haunts him and there are days when he questions his own faith. He must be a weak priest for questioning God but there are far too many questions than answers.

Once he had collected himself, he made his way back out where many people outside were waiting to say hi to him.

“Can we go home?” You whine. You already experienced unbearable humiliation earlier. It’s much worse when the town pretty much knows your business.

“No. Father! Father Hongjoong, our daughter, Y/N. We were hoping you were open for confession after the many sins she had committed. It’s also worse that she hasn’t saved herself for marriage-“ Your dad began, each word filling you with rage.

“You know I didn’t have a choice!” You yell loud enough for people to look at you weirdly. “How could you just tell people my business like that?”

“I do hope you can take her into the convent,” Your dad continues.

“I will not be a nun!” You snap.

“As you can see, Father, we fear the devil may have gotten to her,” Your mother nearly cried, dabbing her face with a handkerchief when there were no tears.

“It is unfortunate what you had to go through. It seems that the devil truly has power in this world and you just had to experience it first hand,” Hongjoong gives a comforting smile. He understands where you’re coming from.

“Well what can we say? It is all God’s plan, am I right Father?” Your dad laughs and looks for the priest’s approval of his words.

Hongjoong forces a laugh. How could God plan something so cruel? You didn’t ask for it. He didn’t ask for it and yet everyone else is justifying everything, making it seem that the pain is pointless.

“I always tell her, God gives us free will but some things happen for a reason! It was what God wanted!” Your dad continues when he believes Hongjoong agrees with him. You wanted to hurt your dad. Is that bad?

Hongjoong wanted this man to shut up. It is people like him who use religion to justify their wrong doings. “I’ll take her to the back for confession,” He interrupts. “Please follow me, Ms. Y/N.”

“Y/N is just fine,” You mumble as you follow him. You’d rather follow through with that stupid confession than hear your father’s words. There’s a reason you left.

You found yourself in a stereotypical confessional booth where there’s a screen in between you and the handsome priest.

“This is stupid. I did nothing wrong,” You mutter.

“In the eyes of God it may,” Hongjoong says thickly.

“That’s stupid,” You scoff.

“That, I can understand.”

A moment of silence comes between you both.

“I’ll just play into this stupid thing,” You sigh defeatedly. You didn’t want to go back to your parents so soon.

“Go ahead. I’m all ears,” He chuckles amusedly. “Oh Father forgive me for I have sin,” You say sarcastically, scrunching your face up in disgust. “I tried to kill my self because I couldn’t handle being a slut and having sex before marriage. If only I said no then maybe this wouldn’t have happened,” You mock the people who went up to you and called you names.

“Is that how you really feel?” Honjoong ask.

“Sure,” You shrug nonchalantly. If that’s what everyone is saying, it must be true, right?

“Let’s take out the religion aspect. Is that how you really feel?” He asks genuinely.

You scoff bitterly, “No. I find all of this stupid. These people are hypocrites! These people are calling me names, calling me whore and slut as if they know me! And- And-“ It suddenly becomes so hard to breathe and there’s a stinging feeling in your eyes. “Fuck!” You wipe the tears that had begun to fall. You never knew how badly you needed to let everything out. “I really didn’t ask for it,” You whimper, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a stranger.

“I know you didn’t. Some people are just cruel,” He answers as he gnaws on the bottom of his lip until it bled. The booth feels as if it’s closing in on him. Why does he feel this way? Your words make him sad, angry, murderous even. A part of him wants to save you. Protect you. It’s overstepping his job as a priest. He shouldn’t get so caught up when he just met you.

“He was wearing a cross,” You mutter. “That was all I could think about. I didn’t care if he had me pinned down, he was wearing a cross and all I could think was, maybe this is what God wanted. Maybe he’s punishing me. Maybe I wanted it after all. I didn’t even say stop. Maybe they are right,” You croak, thoughts spiraling from one bad idea to the next.

Hongjoong had enough of gripping his seat from anger. Ironically enough, he would have just made the same excuse back then, tell her the same thing everyone is saying. ‘Everything happens for a reason. It is God’s will!’ He doesn’t feel that way anymore. This is one of the times he wanted to curse God. You seem so sweet and genuinely a good person. He heard you were a surgeon and he’s impressed that a person from this town made it to be so successful, especially when everyone is so closed minded.

Hongjoong stood up, no longer wanting to feel suffocated by the booth. He left his side to go into yours, to see you face to face without some barrier between you. “Hey, it’s not your fault. You didn’t want it. Did you tell him yes? Did you tell him it was okay to touch you?” He asks.

“No,” You shake your head.

“May I?” He asks to touch your hand.

You hesitate.

“It’s okay to say no,” He assures you and you’ve never felt more comfortable with a man till now.

You nod.

“No no, I want to hear you use your words. Let me hear you.”

“You can touch me,” You whisper and you fight back a smirk when you realize the sexual innuendo. You wouldn’t mind fucking him. God it’s so frustrating. You’re supposed to feel depressed and yet you tend to go between depressed and horny.

Warmth erupts within Hongjoong although he tries to push it down within him, his skin feeling as if it’s burning again. His spine tingles and he subtly shudders. He holds your hand, giving it a warm squeeze.

“Lust is never a bad thing. It goes way more beyond sex. We, as humans, lust for money, success, power, and so much more,” Hongjoong says. He tells you things that a devout child of God would never say. “But, there’s a reason why lust is a sin. When people crave too much of it, when they become greedy, they start doing things that could hurt others. You’re not a slut. You’re not a whore. You are the victim of a sinner.”

[droids-in-disguise]

Good Omens 2 making me think a lot about religion and religious deconstruction.

For context, I grew up Baptist, went to Catholic school for jr. high, and attended a private Christian school for my undergrad.

I grew up being told that the Bible was the ultimate source of truth, that is was the guidebook for our lives as Christians, and that, most importantly it should be taken literally.

I started wrestling with the concept of queerness when I was in jr. high. By then I had joined tumblr and had a best friend who was openly pan. But it was still a problem, because my church's reading of the Bible was that being gay was a sin. I existed very much in that "hate the sin, love the sinner" space that so many Christians seem to think is the appropriate answer. I also realized that despite being told that my church was doing Christianity the "right" way, these Catholics seemed to be just as sure in their conviction that they were doing it the right way.

In high school, I could sometimes privately admit to myself that the label "asexual" felt good, but more often than not I would lie to myself and say I was just too busy with grades and extracurricular activities to commit time to dating boys. I certainly never came out to anyone.

Ironically, it was the theology classes I took in college combined with the freedom of living away from my parents that helped me to finally realize that the Church as I knew it did not have the final say.

I learned that Biblical canon was not always set in stone and that it varies from denomination, that Hebrew and Greek words can have more than one translation or even no direct translation in English, I learned about liberation theology, and about womanist/feminist interpretations of scripture. Outside of theology class I took classes focused on Islamic history and literature. I had conversations about faith with my Muslim, Jewish, and Pagan peers. I met queer people who were both queer and Christian and who didn't see these identities as conflicting.

I had an old, hardass British lit professor who said something once during our study of Paradise Lost that I'll never forget, and that was that he believed God was like a diamond or some other precious gemstone, and that that all the different groups of Christians, Jews, and Muslims were all just seeing different facets of the same thing. Apparently this statement was something he had once told university higher-ups and it nearly cost him his job.

Despite all the deconstruction and the private acknowledgement that the church I grew up in did not have a monopoly on truth, I still went to church for years after. I did have the good sense to stop going to my parents' church and found one that was much more progressive and openly accepting of queer people, but even still it was hard to separate how much of me was there because I wanted to be there and how much was out of obligation or some sense of needing to reclaim my now tarnished view of the Church. I'm not sure where I sit now, only that I don't think I can be the one to create change from within, I am too damaged and tired for that.

All of this is why I think I relate so deeply to Aziraphale and the journey his character has undertaken, and why claims that he behaved out-of-character in the finale or that his coffee was drugged irritate me so much, because in another universe where I'm Aziraphale, I could see myself doing and saying the exact same things.

Letting go is hard, it's been painful and traumatic for me, I can't imagine what it would be for a being like Aziraphale with a much longer history.

There's such a strong desire to believe that it's only some of the Church that's bad and that if we have enough good people on the inside we can change it for the better.

Aziraphale has been hurt by Heaven and he's realized that Heaven is just as capable of doing bad as Hell (in many ways what Heaven does is more sinister because they won't admit to the bad and hide behind the façade of goodness and moral superiority), but he's a people pleaser and he's been an angel for so long, he can't just let go of his community and everything he has ever known no matter how poorly he has been treated by said Heavenly community. So then he gets this offer, work for Heaven, be in charge, make a difference. He can keep Heaven and Crowley, have his cake and eat it too. Of course he takes the job.

Crowley has had the outsider perspective for longer, he was the first to start asking questions. Perhaps there was a time when he too would've said yes to the Metatron, but now he knows better.

"We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell. They're toxic!"

Aziraphale hasn't reached the same level of understanding that Crowley has, that no matter how many times he goes crawling back, Heaven will never truly accept him or be the place for him.

They way this story has been told over the past two seasons has been magnificent. Just as I can pinpoint all the different moments in my life that have helped to unravel what I thought I knew, we as the audience get to watch Aziraphale have these revelations too. In the first season we have the ineffable plan and this idea that armageddon is necessary and that Aziraphale shouldn't be the one to question it, but he does question it because he loves humanity, sees their goodness, and can't understand why a good God would allow them to be destroyed.

In season two, I found the bits surrounding Job to be especially poignant. First the shock that Heaven would condone the killing of children, then the realization that Crowley wouldn't kill the children or the goats going against his demonic "nature" proving Aziraphale's assumptions wrong, and finally the fear that lying would make him into a demon and the surprise when this turned out not to be true.

I have a feeling that by the end of season 3, when we get it, we will have the satisfaction of seeing Aziraphale and Crowley finally on the same page and I for one can't wait.

[crowbiotic]

Hi I run a Linux gimmick blog could you please elaborate on the beliefs of the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod?

hello anon. I hope you’re having fun over on your linux gimmick blog. I will now infodump all over you about the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod (WELS):

// TW: transphobia, TW: homophobia, TW: brief mention of sexual assault, TW: misogyny //

Firstly, my credentials: my entire extended family, including my immediate family, belonged to this same synod for most of my life (a few of them have since joined Christian churches outside the synod, and my sibling and I have broken from Christianity entirely). My dad has been an organist at my parents’ church since long before I was born— he practices on an old church organ in my parents’ living room. My parents took my sibling and i to church every Sunday and had us stay for Sunday school and bible study afterwards. I attended a synod-sanctioned gradeschool from age 3-14 (pre-preschool through eighth grade) that was quite literally connected to my parents’ church. After eighth grade, I attended and graduated from a WELS high school. These schools taught “religion” classes (WELS teachings) every day and held mandatory chapel services in the schools once per week. Suffice it to say: I know a lot about this god damn synod.

I’m going to try to keep this as brief as I can, but if you or anyone else has follow-up questions, I’d happily go into further detail.

WELS churches and their congregations believe in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as equal parts of the same God— the holy trinity. All three of them make up God, but when they just say “God,” they are most often referring to God the Father. Jesus, the Son of God, died as a sacrifice of God the Father for the sins of all people. At a surface level, WELS people believe that all you have to do to enter Heaven is believe in God (more specifically, believe in Jesus). And god, anon, I really wish it were that simple, because I’d probably have a lot fewer issues now, but it never is.

The WELS also holds a very nebulous concept of sin, repentance, and forgiveness at equal importance to the whole all-you-need-is-belief-in-god thing. They believe that we are all born sinful and unclean, and that even though Jesus died to absolve us of all our sins, we are still wretchedly sinful (this includes babies, which is why many WELS parents have their infants baptized in the hospital as soon as they’re born, so that the sinful unclean baby that hasn’t had a chance to learn about God yet isn’t sent to hell if it dies prematurely. The baptism basically stakes God’s claim on the baby.). The WELS doesn’t have confessional booths or anything— no, if you sin, it is YOUR responsibility to acknowledge that sin and pray to God that He forgives you. If this seems contradictory already, that’s because it is! very much so! and this is one of many things that made my younger self really squint at everything I was being taught since I was old enough to comprehend language. (This is the part that most closely relates to the bpd jesus meme I reblogged recently: “go die I won’t save because you ignore me” but, like, actually— they believe that you are actively hurting Jesus on the cross more and more with every sin you do not repent of, and that God will still keep track of every sin and judge you accordingly. What does that mean, since Jesus died to absolve you of that sin? Iunno!!!) They can’t tell a priest their sorrows and have the priest tell them what to do to absolve their guilt. They *can* meet with their Pastor, but there’s this weird sort of social taboo around doing that for some reason…? and private meetings with congregation members’s Pastors are not done regularly by most people.

(Side tangent: since the WELS is a Lutheran synod, they kind of hate ? Catholics ?. They believe the Pope is the Antichrist (not a joke, i’m being so serious right now) and that Catholics are technically worshipping false gods and practicing idolatry by praying to Mary and the Saints, which are two pretty grievous sins in the eyes of the WELS (but then again— what isn’t?). October 30th, Reformation Day, was a special day in school where we re-learned the history of Martin Luther, his 95 theses, Guttenberg’s printing press, the selling of indulgences, and everything else around that time every single year. We weren’t allowed to dress up for Halloween during the school day because that would have been disrespectful towards Martin Luther. A huge part of 7th and 8th graders’s education centers around Luther’s Catechism, which contains Martin Luther’s interpretations of the Commandments, but also of a few other traditional Christian chants).

Now, if you were to ask a WELS person why their beliefs about sin are so contradictory, they’d probably tell you something like this: “well, since Jesus died to absolve those of us who believe in Him of all sin, we don’t HAVE to follow God’s commands. But why WOULDN’T we? Why WOULDN’T you live in ENDLESS THANKS and GRATITUDE to His ultimate sacrifice??”. Unfortunately for everyone around them, the WELS’s interpretation of following God’s commands/living your life in service to God means the good human basics (don’t murder, steal, cheat on your spouse, etc etc general bad stuff) AND it means denouncing any variety of LGBTQ+ identities as sinful, shameful, and unnatural, being VERY opposed to abortion, wives/women in general being subservient to their husbands/men in general (women are not allowed to hold positions of leadership of any kind in the WELS), giving money to the church every Sunday, and being very adamant that their specific variety of conservative Christianity is the best kind and that they must therefore evangelize as much as humanly possible. This church attracts almost exclusively white members, many of whom fall in the middle- to upper-middle-class financially, which means—who would’ve guessed!— their members almost exclusively hold right-wing conservative political views.

I’ve been yapping for way too long already! so here’s a miscellaneous speed round of WELS facts:

- they don’t do the ashes on the forehead on Ash Wednesday, and I didn’t even know that was a regularly practiced tradition until relatively recently. They also don’t give up anything for Lent. There’s just a general haze of melancholy in the air during all of Lent, like, “feel bad, YOU did this to Him. Feel extra bad for these six weeks.” Their churches hold specific mid-week services during the seasons of Lent and Advent alongside Sunday services that are held in the afternoon/evening and are completely different to the Sunday ones (you guessed it!: I had to go to every one of the midweek services too)

- I was told on not one— not two— but THREE separate occasions by three different teachers that we as WELS Christians should not ever attend a wedding for a gay couple, since that would be indicating our approval through our actions even if we didn’t approve, and we must always set an example of “Christ-like behavior”

- Other Christian churches (at least in the area of the Midwest where the most WELS churches are located) call WELS people “the frozen chosen” for their well-known propensity to, ah. For lack of a better phrase: have sticks up their asses. WELS people fully believe that they are following God’s word better than any other religion on earth, including every other sect of Christianity. Also, their services are very stiff, strict stand-up, sit-down, be-quiet affairs. No one is saying “amen” outside of the printed congregational response times detailed in the church bulletins. Jeans are not welcome at many of the churches, though I’m told this varies— you were expected to dress in business-casual-adjacent wear at the very least at the church I grew up in.

- Someone brought a cutout of Trump to school when I was in high school. It stayed in the cafeteria underneath the stained glass art of the cross until some esteemed donors or something were coming to visit (at least several days after it was initially put there)

- WELS schools, since they are private, cost thousands of dollars per year to attend. $7,000-8,000 ish per year when I was there I believe

- If you try to even mention that the Bible has very obviously been altered innumerable times throughout human history by rulers and clergy, and that certain passages (such as the ones most often misquoted to be against LGBTQ+ people), they’ll just stop listening to you. To them, since there are passages in the Bible saying that the Bible is the true word of God, that’s all they need to know. The Bible is the true word of God. Nothing is wrong because it’s the Bible. whatever man

- At least at the church I grew up in, they hold two weirdly patriotic church services every year near the Fourth of July and Memorial Day. Just, uh. God bless America, all morning.

- Being confirmed (promising your life in full service to God and taking your first communion) occurs at age 14. You had to be confirmed to graduate the gradeschool I attended, and in eighth grade, you attended a special series of classes with the church’s pastor during the school day specifically made for confirmation. I asked my parents why this was as a kid, and if anyone could possibly graduate without being confirmed, because even at that age I recognized that maybe I wasn’t grown enough to make this level of a commitment. Their answer was basically “well. After all those years of schooling, I can’t imagine you WOULDN’T want to be confirmed.”

- These people have one of the worst cases of I-wanna-be-oppressed-so-bad-itus that I have ever witnessed. Since I was a kid in the early aught’s I remember hearing in sermons that we are under attack! We are at war for God! Warriors for Christ! We must stay strong against the EEEVIL ENEMY, young people are leaving the church in droves! Music is evil! Culture is evil! The world is evil! etc etc etc

- I got the school librarian to put not only Percy Jackson and the Olympians, but also the first few books in the Warrior Cats series, in the school library. How? I dunno. I’m queer and I was a cute little meatball child. (I think the more likely answer is that the only intellectual properties that were sparking widespread moral panic at the time amongst the church were Harry Potter, Pokémon, and twilight)

- Every second Sunday of the month at my parents’ church, we had “contemporary Sundays,” where we sang more Christian-rock-adjacent songs played on instruments other than an electronic organ. These were mine and my sibling’s favorite Sundays, because hymns backed by drums and guitar are very exciting when the soundtrack to your entire home and church life is typically organ music. Occasionally, people wore jeans to these services. My sibling and I were very much not allowed to, but y’know. Jeans were seen.

- There’s a very distinct air of judgement that pervades this synod. Everybody’s trying to be a better Christian than everybody else. Their strangely fluid merit-based-but-not-really approach to salvation makes this pretty obvious, but I figured it was worth pointing out

- I interacted with almost exclusively WELS members from birth to age 18. College was my first time being around people who weren’t part of the WELS consistently outside of a brief stint in a mental ward at age 15. Both were very jarring but VERY good experiences. I still find myself expecting the worst from strangers, especially middle-aged to older adults, before realizing that outside the isolation of the WELS, almost no one acts in the stiff and overly-judgmental way these synod members do

- You can’t live with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance before marriage. Not allowed under any circumstances. You are living in sin, there is no way to repent from that aside from moving apart from each other and going to couple’s counseling with your church’s pastor. A lot of young marriages also don’t pan out very well, there’s a lot of cheating and clashing personalities. Imagine that

- A truly concerning amount of students from the high school I attended have turned out to be convicted sex offenders. Disappointing, but not surprising in the slightest.

I’m absolutely missing important bits, so please let me know if anything doesn’t have sense or if you have questions. I have since deconstructed, left the church, and embraced my queer identity (obviously) but it was a rough road to get to this point. worth it tho

thanks for reading ~

[tarragonblack1235813213455]

THEOLOGY

ABRAHAMIC RELIGIONS ->

THE THREE MAJOR ABRAHAMIC RELIGIONS are, in order of appearance, JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY, and ISLAM, but there are other MINOR RELIGIONS.

■JUDAISM is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion based on the covenant shared between God and Abraham.

The holy scriptures of JUDAISM are called the TANAKH, after the first letters of its three parts in the Jewish tradition. T: TORAH, the Teaching of Moses, the first five books. N: NEVI'IM, the books of the prophets. KH: KETUVIM, for the Writings, which include the psalms and literature for the wise.

ORTHODOX JUDAISM is the belief in a strict interpretation of Jewish law, which should be grounded in the Torah. As such, the revelation given to Moses from God on Mount Sinai is made glorious and just.

CONSERVATIVE JUDAISM is the belief in marriage and membership as a Jew. Other characteristics will include support of the Zionist movement and the rejection of the immutability of the "Torah" and the "Talmud" while still having faith in the eternal truth upon which it is based.

REFORM JUDAISM is the belief of the renewal in our living Covenant with God, the people of Israel, humankind, and the earth by acknowledging the holiness present throughout creation – in ourself, in each other, and in the world at large – through practice that will include reflection, study, worship, ritual, and much more.

■CHRISTIANITY is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion centered around the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

THE BIBLE is the holy scripture of the Christian religion, purporting to tell the history of the Earth from its earliest creation to the spread of Christianity in the first century A.D. Both the Old Testament and the New Testament have undergone changes over the centuries.

□ROMAN CATHOLICISM

Roman catholicism is a branch of Christianity which has its belief about the sacraments, the role of the Bible and tradition, the importance of the Virgin Mary and the saints, and the papacy.

HISTORY OF THE REFORMATION

THE REFORMATION was a reform movement in religious belief that swept through Europe in the 16th century. It caused the creation of a branch of Christianity called PROTESTANTISM, a name used collectively to refer to the many religious groups that separated from the Roman Catholic Church due to their difference in doctrine.

□PROTESTANTISM

Protestantism is a branch of Christianity which will deny the universal authority of the Pope and affirm all of the Reformation principles of justification by faith alone, the priesthood available to any practitioner, and the Bible as the only source of revealed truth.

□QUAKERISM

Quakerism is a branch of Protestantism

Follow your "inner light"

The Bible

Equality for all

God is accessible to everyone

No clergy

No religious ceremonies

No sacraments

LOCATION -> England

WHEN -> 17th Century

Adventism

Anglicanism

Anabaptism

Baptism

Irvingianism

Lutheranism

Methodism

Moravianism

Pentecostalism

Waldensianism

■ISLAM is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion that was revealed to Muhammad, a prophet of Allah, and written down in the Qur'an years later by his followers.

SUNNI

Muhammad did not specifically appoint a successor to lead the Ummah before his death. This sect did, however, approve of the private election of the first companion, Abū Bakr. In addition to the previous mentioned, Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb, ʿUthmān ibn ʿAffān, and ʿAlī ibn Abī Ṭālib are also accepted as al-Khulafāʾ ur-Rāshidūn. After this, they believe that Muhammad intended that the Muslim community choose a successor, or caliph, by consensus. A practitioner of this sect will base their religion on the Quran and the Sunnah as understood by the majority of the community under the structure of the four schools of thought. These are HANAFI, MALIKI, SHAFI'I and the HANBALI.

SHI'A

Muhammad's family, the Ahl al-Bayt, including all of his descendants, have distinguished spiritual and political authority over the community. It is believed that Alī ibn Abī Ṭālib was the first of these descendants and the rightful successor to Muhammad. As a result, it was rejected that the first three Rāshidūn caliphs have legitimacy.

------------------------------------------

ETHICAL RELIGIONS ->

THE THREE MAJOR ETHICAL RELIGIONS are BUDDHISM, TAOISM, AND CONFUCIANISM.

■BUDDHISM is an ethical religion that was revealed by Siddhartha Gautama for anyone to gain spiritual enlightenment if that person followed the eight-folded path along with a personal commitment to any noble truth given to him/her through the journey of life in order to reach nirvana.

■TAOISM

■CONFUCIANISM

[clubheavenofhelen]

🕊️ Short introduction

So I've got a feeling that it would be nice having my own space here. For my own thoughts. I'm gonna post here photos taken by myself as well as the ones I've found somewhere on the Internet. Maybe some recommendations like songs I'm listening to a lot at any given moment, books, movies. Anything that's gonna come to my mind.

🕊️ List of topics:

• 100 days of productivity challenge

🕊️ Some facts about me

• My name's Helena.

• I'm Polish.

• I've got 4 siblings. I'm the oldest one (yeah, I think it's a big part of person's identity).

• I speak polish, english, french.

• I'm a proud catholic, so Bible verses may be present, too (been to a catholic school also). Mary Magdalene is my patron saint of confirmation.

• I am studying Romance philology, but I don't see myself working in this field. I don't think I will continue my studies after obtaining my bachelor's degree.

• I'm an artist. I'm so grateful for being blessed with a natural talent for drawing, painting and everything that comes with that. I'm a creative person. I love art of all kinds. I was also learning to play guitar for some time thanks to my love for music. I'm writing (ever since I was a little child, I dreamed of writing my own book).

• I would like to become a graphic designer. I'm currently working on it.

• I'm also working hard on my mindset. Learning to be positive. Good vibes only. Unfortunately, I am very anxious and emotional person, so there's a lot to work on.

• I keep pushing myself to work out regularly.

• I've been listening to a lot of podcasts for some time now. Usually the ones focusing on self-care, motivation and the others girly things, you know. It keeps me going.

• I drink a lot of tea, water, love flowers, pretty pictures, essential oils, Eurovision, decadent poetry, fashion, history, long road trips. Travelling (especially airplanes!!!). Planning my own wedding. I would dream of living in Florence, if it weren't so crowded...

• I am interested in natural medicine.

• Currently learning how to cook and getting rid of my social media addiction.

Fav things:

• Music: Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift, Nessa Barrett, Aurora, Sanah, Palaye Royale, My Chemical Romance

• Books: The Poppy War, The Secret History, A Little Life, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games

• Movies: Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, My Own Private Idaho, Hacksaw Ridge, Call Me by Your Name, Coraline, Mulan, Memoirs of a Geisha

• Series: American Horror Story

• Games: I enjoy playing Anno, Kingdom Come, League of Legends (LUX SUP + TFT top). The Sims is nice too one time a year.

Hope you're all having a good day!

xx

Helena

[caustic-krana]

This could be a regional thing or just my limited experience, but it really is like that. Catholic schools are just really bad at doing the one thing they're supposed to. I was in a catcholic education from preschool through college💀 so I've literally never been enrolled in a normal school. It was always the hardcore trad catholics were home schooled and the parochial schools (school on a church property) were populated with kids who were lukewarm on the faith at best or totally ambivilent to it if not outright rejecting of it. Usually under 5% of the students were like actually into it. Wether the parents were hardcore, lukewarm, or not at all and just wanted their kids in a private school, pretty much all of them were duped into thinking they were paying for a better education secular or otherwise. The bathrooms were cleaner sometimes. Money well spent.

Circling back to the religious education, its laughably bad. For gradeschool, you spend eight years rehashing the sacraments, which is cosmically overemphasized, and then padding out the rest of the year with trivial vocab like "fruits of the spirit" or "corporal works of mercy" and childrens bible story level scriptural study. It wasn't till the last half of highschool for me that I started having access to classes that actually taught some basic catcholic ethics and philosophy and more robust scripture classes which was what I was hungry for at the time, but finally being able to learn those things was when I first started to feel cracks in my faith. It should also be mentioned that those were elective classes.

I had a reputation for being one of the religion class wiz kids in school, but whenever I got dragged along to do things with other families from my parents' bible study friends, I always felt so lost listening to them talk about catholicism. It was really weird being stuck in the middle of the spectrum.

It wasn't till college for me that I noticed like a serious effort to teach catholicism. You still had the non catholics (it was a busniess/art school for relatively cheap and easy to get into) but by this time all the kids on the fence had been weeded out and you were either there for it or in spite of it. Not cause that's where your parents enrolled you. The student body I found out was majority home school tradcath, and it was back to that outsider feeling but for an extended up close experience. So after finally getting my teeth into vatican documents and legitimate catholic dogma, hearing the full explanations behind them, the cognitive dissonance finally set in and I wanted out.

TLDR beyond scaring people away from catholicism with dumb rules, the catholic school system is just really shit at teaching its own core beliefs and a waste of everyones time and money no matter who you are.

Truly love the number of people I've met that have been like "Well I went to a Catholic school as a kid, which is to say I'm not Catholic" like damn Catholic schools really out here doing the exact opposite of missionary work.

[mint-moon25]

WOW! First Look at IKEA Christmas 2024 Collection

Dear Korean Girls of Seoul,

Blk Male Drivers so greedy

Metrobus - Miami - $2.25

Fills up Front

2 harm - Disabled

Former - Coin Laundry

Blk Female - tried 2 break

My Kneebones with Her

Hispanic Female's help

Surrounded my legs

With - Steel - Wheels

No Smartphone 2 charge

Tried 2 break my bones

And Steal - Smartphone

Blk Male - Drivers

Try 2 break the bones

Of - Disabled

No one - 65 and older

Exhausted fr standing

Enter 2 Seat

All must - Exit - other

Door - They all disobey

Driver - Allows

Then - Disabled - must

Be put near the - Exit

Stupid Engineers

Stupid Design

Elderly Looking enters

Tired as Blks - Hispanics

Low Income - Easy Card

Buses Their Air Conditioner

Homes - Apts - Not using

Thus - Ants - Roaches Mice

Easy Card - Blks - Whites

Hispanics - Violent

Why should - Easy Card

Be for Disabled - only?

Miami Police - agree

Disabled 4 them - Dead

Already - US - Hospitals

Rejoice - Organ - Donors

Recyclable - Storage

Hospital - Refrigerators

Dead Bodies - Donated

Theirs 4 Medical Science

Cov-id 19 - No 1 - Source

Hospitals

Nurses Police with Weewee

All Dead from - Toxic Shock

Nurses - of - Baker Act

Dead from - Urine Samples

Mental Health - Republican

Party of Florida - Mental

Health - Needs - Poop

Family Doctors - USA

Need - Poop - Those

Nurses - Dead already

Las Vegas - Nevada

Dance - Classes

Will take Many 2 be

Professional Dance

Status - Discounted

Jazz - Tahitian - Ballet

Chef - Sewing Classes

MGM Grand Hotel

Green Huge Beauty

Largest

The Last Vegas Strip

39 Hotels

Pays - Housekeeping

Uniformed - Maids

Eventually - +$54,000

Per year - More than ICU

Licensed Registered

Nurses - Bullets Stabbings

Body parts - Cut off

Over - 2,000 - Rooms

Check in - 3P

Demanding - Guests

Using Korean - Floor

Robots - 2 - Clean

Over - $1,000 each

Teaming with Pinays

Tagalog - More than

150 of them - as we

Clean Rooms happily

All - College - Grads

Age 16 - Age 17

Hotel and Restaurant

Management

eCornell - Online

Photography

Hotel - Hospitality

Marketing

Ivy League

Cornell University

Las Vegas Nevada

8.38% - Taxes

No Rain - 8.9 months

Beautiful Desert Oasis

Rattle Snakes - Coyote

Walt Disney loves coyotes

Walt - loves - Elephants

Hamsters - Killer whales

Dolphins

Creating - New - Outlook

Email Address

Dollar Flight Club

Premium+ - $169 - yearly

$1 - for - 3 months

Economy

Economy Premium

(Love this - More Food)

Business Class

Choices - Going 4 This

Seoul - Korea

Tax Free - Hong Kong

Island - China

Beijing Shanghai China

Singapore - Island

Bali - Indonesia

Bangkok - Thailand

World's - 1st - Horse

Lanes - 1st - Disabled

Blind - Blurry - Vision

Semi - Quadraplegics

More - Next - 2 - them

Horse Lane - Children

Smaller - Horses

Thoroughbreds

Will bring - Blind - and

Kids 2 Private Schools

Shopping Malls - Cafes

Will bring - them home

Safely - Thoroughbreds

Able 2 Find me - all the

Time - Will find Blind

Knows they're - Blind

Will find Kids anywhere

They KICK doors DOWN

When - Held - Hostages

Horses - Thoroughbreds

Only ONE can ride them

Males only - Can KICK

Humans - Evil - People

Kicks - Garage Doors

Greatest - 4 Disabled

Americans got rid of

Them - exchanged

Speed - and - Fuel

Horses - Brushing and

Food - They prefer

Making out in Cars

Horses observing how a

Man is with Hussy Girls

Horses Kick Prostitutes

Horses protect Pregnant

American Men got rid of

Horses 2 Murder Kids

Rape - Blind - Women

White Chubby yesterday

Blk women - Wanted to

Smell and Rob me

Wanted 2 Rape me

Rob me - in - Bus 9

Haiti - Christian Vudu

Bible - Catholic

Bible Studies - then ask

Satan 2 Fill them Demons

Not allowed by God to be

Fags - Nothing - Happens

They possess - Prostitutes

Women - No Gay - Demons

God forbids Demons - Gay

Dear - Korean Girls,

Leaving 4 Bus 9 - 2 - Get

Clothes - Tablet

Returning - Large - Book

Will just - Read - Here

Changing - Clothes

Keeping - Pink - Duffle

At Library - Heavy - so

Won't Move - Scratched

My Travel Smart $39.99

Won't - Donate

Transferring - Clothes

There - Doing Lots of

Laundry

Main Library

Keeping - Heavy Duffle

Dollar Tree - 4 - Black

Garbage - Bags - $1.26

Covers - Duffle Bag

Green Bag - Placing

Inside - One - Bag

Strong Rain - Brief

Less than - 10 min

But - Strong - looks

Like - Kenny Rogers

Loaning - Umbrella

Hard 2 Open - also

But better than mine

So - Keeping - Duffle

Public Storage

Little Haiti

Just Changing Clothes

Keeping Night Clothes

With me getting stupid

Vortex Tablet Dead with

Hallmark+ - My Surge

Protector - Blk - Tablet

Stand - Adding Clothes

Later Going there 2 use

Coin Laundry $3 - $3.50

Then putting in Luggage

Brown Rugs - goes 2 the

Floors of Storage Unit

Washing First

Brown and Blk - $5 each

Dollar Tree - Beautiful

Leaving there - Dry 1st

Dolphin Mall

Five Below

$20 - Gray Suade

Chair 2 Bed

Mauve - Blanket

Wear - Blanket - Ears

Back - put on Legs

Mauve - Dark Pink

Navy - inside - Gray

Sleeping Bag - $10

Longer - Wider

Orangy - Like above

Rugs - Embroidered

Only - $5.55

Sleeping Bag - Longer

Waterproof - Checking

My Expenses

Canceling - $69

Premium - Plan

Going for $1 - 3 months

Premium Plus - $169

Ea Year - Dollar Flight

Plan - Lovisa - 3rd

Piercing - over - $30

Food Court

Chicken Connection

Pork Ribs - $15.79

Jesus is Lord - KR

[ilearnedthistodaysblog]

#1100 Does the Vatican have a secret library?

Does the Vatican have a secret library? No. The Vatican doesn’t have a secret library. There are some sections that are restricted, and there are some recent records that are off limits, but no more than many other government libraries and there are certainly some governments that are much more secretive. The Vatican library is enormous. That isn’t really surprising considering that the Roman Catholic church has a history going back over 1500 years. The library has only existed in its present location since 1475, but the Catholic church has owned a library and book collections for much longer than that. The books were kept in many locations, but the center of the church has always been Rome and it made sense to keep all of the books there. It is said to be one of the oldest libraries in the world and it has manuscripts and scrolls going back to the 4th century. The oldest book it has is the Codex Vaticanus, which is a Christian copy of a Greek bible that has been dated to about 325 AD. The library contains over 1.5 million books and manuscripts. 8.600 books that were printed before 1500. It has coins, works of art, antiquities, and a whole range of other things. There are over 100,000 letters from the first half of the 14th century alone! The library is estimated to have over 85 km of shelving! So, is there a secret library? There is a section called the Vatican Apostolic Archive, which has been called the Vatican Secret Archive, but secret doesn’t mean what we think it means. Thanks to Dan Brown and his books, we assume that the Vatican are hiding things from us, but the library is private more than secret. The word “secretum” in Latin means private.  It basically contains state papers, correspondence, accounts, and other documents that pertain to the running of the state. However, this section is most certainly not secret and any scholar can view the documents if they like. It is not easy to get permission to go in, but it is not impossible. You need to have a letter of recommendation from a university or a research institution, or a recognized scholar. Then you have to undergo an interview to make sure you are who you say you are and your reasons are true. If you are successful, the Vatican will write to you with permission and the date you can attend. Once you are inside, there are pretty strict rules as well. You are not allowed ink pens or photography equipment. You must wear gloves and the books you have requested are brought to you. You can only request up to five books a day. All of this doesn’t make the archives secret, it just means that the Vatican are doing what they can to protect their collection of ancient books. You would get exactly the same treatment and have to go through the same steps if you requested to see an ancient book in the Bodleian Library in Oxford. There are still some documents that are restricted. The Vatican archives were first opened up in 1881 when Pope Leo XIII was persuaded to open them up to historians. People started to study the documents in depth. Before this, the documents hadn’t really been secret, more restricted. Also, there wasn’t a huge amount of interest in them until probably the end of the 18th century. The study of history was not a common pastime until probably the time of the Industrial Revolution. In 1979 a historian called Carlo Ginzburg requested access to all of the archives of the Roman Inquisition, which was granted. Since then, when somebody wants to see a document, they are generally granted access. The documents that are still restricted are any correspondence or documents related to the current state and pope. Documents are made public 75 years after the end of a pope’s reign, which almost always means their death. This can be waived by other popes and sometimes is. The Vatican Library is a candy shop for historians. When we study history at school, we learn about numerous important events that changed the course of history and many of the documents connected to these events are kept in the Vatican Library! Henry VIII’s request for a marriage annulment, which led to the foundation of the Church of England. The records of the trial of Galileo and the trials of the Knights Templar. The papal bull excommunicating Martin Luther. Correspondence with historical figures, such as Napoleon, and various monarchs. And so many other things that would fascinate any historian. But none of them are secret. And this is what I learned today. Photo by Aliona & Pasha: https://www.pexels.com/photo/aerial-view-of-vatican-city-3892129/ Sources https://www.history.com/news/step-into-the-vaticans-secret-archives https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican_Apostolic_Archive https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican_Library https://carpediemtours.com/blog/secrets-of-the-vatican-library https://publicmedievalist.com/vatican-secret-archives/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codex_Vaticanus Read the full article

[articulatedbyleilani]

His faults, my answers. PART I.

What Donnel doesn't understand is that he has his faults too.

Donnel made a few statements that really hurt me throughout our relationship, but more so in our most recent fight, and it hurt me even more knowing he claimed to have me figured out, but was far from it.

Just as I did, Donnel said plenty of hurtful things in our last argument but then texted me saying, "The conversation we had the other day was really hard for me." I understand, but it was hard for me too.

Donnel said, "You're emotionally unintelligent".

I'm not emotionally unintelligent. I have a hard time articulating my feelings when I'm under distress, and have the tendency to bounce from topic to topic because of my desire to try and keep up with his accusations and address them.

Donnel said, "You don't even understand your feelings".

I understand my feelings - i'm just horrible at explaining them. I know why i'm upset when i'm upset. I know why i'm sad when i'm sad. I know what triggers me when i'm triggered. I know makes me happy, when I'm happy. I know why I'm anxious when I'm anxious. I know why i'm depressed when I depressed. I know what I want for myself and what I don't want for myself. I know what I was for us and what I don't want for us. I know how I want to be cared for. I know how I want to be shown appreciation. I know how I want to be loved. I know why I do the things I do.

Donnel said, "You're just going to keep talking about the past?"

Just like he brings up my past behaviors in regards to how I present myself in arguments and is set on that being who I am, incapable of change, I also bring up his past behaviors in regards to everything he did to me prior to our relationship becoming official and the little things he's done after. I don't bring it up to remind him of how he hurt me, but I bring it up because I haven't healed from the things he did to me yet. He doesn't understand that Its almost like having a debt. Just because he says "You weren't my girlfriend" doesn't make it okay or as if the debt has been paid because in reality, I did something to hurt him and he did something that hurt me also. Unfortunately, on both our ends, we can't change the events or actions we executed in the past. What needs to happen on both of our ends, is us listening to each other and understanding how both of our actions hurt each other, without getting defensive or justifying it with excuses like "It's because of my trauma" or because "you weren't my girlfriend". I won't heal until I hear something other than "you weren't my girlfriend". I'll heal when I hear, "At the time you weren't my girlfriend, but I agree that you have the right to be hurt about it because when we were in each other's presence, we were together. You were good to me even when I was living my life" or something amongst those lines. Whenever he says it's because I wasn't his girlfriend, the statement, his tone and facial expressions makes me feel as if he dismisses it every time.

Donnel said, "I find it very hard to believe you're a child of god, you're not a child of god."

What Donnel doesn't understand is that everybody who believes in god and is a child of god has their own individual relationship with god. I identify as a Christian now, but I grew up in the Catholic faith - everything from baptism to Catholic school, Bible school and bible study. Everything from from first communions to church every Sunday at 8:30 with Mama at Holy Family Catholic church or with Lola at San Juan Capistrano church. Being a child of god, I chose to maintain an intimate and private relationship with him. I talk to god in both good and bad times. I pray to god daily when I'm completely alone and ask for direction, clarification, identification and forgiveness. I pray to god when I feel like life's challenging me, I pray to god when I feel like life is at it's best. I've read the entire bible front to back. I've done my share of asking questions about the bible and prophets. I put his direction into action as much as I can. God is not a flex, he is a sacred person. I refuse to use him for clout or only in bad times. I love god before I love anybody and anything else. If I wasn't a child of god, why is it so rare that bad things happen to me? Why don't I ever have any problems? Why do I have so much good karma rather than bad? I'm very blessed and I thank god for it everyday.

[jdgo51]

Show Faith Through Actions, Not Just Words

Today's inspiration comes from:

Best Seat in the House

by Jack Nicklaus II & Don Yaeger

“Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.”

"'It’s reported that Saint Francis of Assisi said those words when asked by others how a person should express his faith. And while most who know me wouldn’t expect me to pull out a supposedly eight-hundred-year-old quote from a Catholic friar, when I heard the words, I thought immediately of Dad. He is the living example of those words.

Clearly my father always had faith in himself, but the faith he would tell you was more important to his success was his faith in God. It wasn’t a discussion he had with reporters; it has always been his — and our family’s — take on faith to keep this portion of our lives rather private. Within our house, believing in our Creator was a central part of our life and success, and I’m sure no one who has spent time with Dad would question his faith. The lesson that both my parents taught us as their children mirrors exactly the way I’ve shared the discussion regarding faith with my children.

As I was writing this, the importance of faith and how it was taught led to a great discussion with both of my parents. “Believing in Christ was just a way of life,” Mom said.

Then Dad summed it up. “I thought it was important to teach you about God the same way I taught you golf,” he said rather matter-of-factly. “Go through and make sure you understand the importance and the fundamentals, then let each of you come to decisions based on what you saw, not what you might think was being forced. If the decision becomes truly yours, the impact will be far greater. My father and mother taught faith to me, basically, the same way.”

Mom and Dad passed that faith on to us, one of the greatest gifts they ever gave us. And as a Christ-follower today, I know the way Mom and Dad set the example worked for me.

As often as she could, Mom made sure she and the five kids attended our Methodist church and Sunday school and learned about God and Jesus. She said she made it a point for us to sit in the front row so none of us would be tempted to nod off or misbehave.

We didn’t attend church every Sunday because as a family we traveled to Dad’s golf tournaments many weekends. Dad got to go to church far less frequently than we did. He worked on Sunday. (At least he hoped every week to be working on Sunday!) But Dad made the point that a church attendance roster was no way to define our relationship with God. Of the five children I probably traveled more with Dad than the others. I first caddied for Dad when I was fourteen years old and was on his golf bag many weekends as a teenager and beyond, missing many Sundays at home.

Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.

PGA Tour players compete in twenty to thirty tournaments annually — Dad played in 586 PGA Tour events during his forty-three-year career. He traveled nationally and internationally, making pew appearances nearly impossible. On the tour, several players have, for many years, made it a point to gather for a group Bible study on Sunday mornings. Dad didn’t attend those gatherings, choosing to make his private time of worship his own. He read and prayed. But he did it alone.

Dad thought of the golf course as his place to witness. When he was out there, the crowds were watching. In his mind it wouldn’t have mattered what he did on Sunday mornings if on Sunday afternoons he cursed and acted in ways that would have dishonored his Lord. Similarly, it wouldn’t matter how many times you pointed toward Heaven after a great putt if you disrespected your wife and family through your actions or words. Many people can put on a good show in public. But your core, who you truly are, is defined by what happens when nobody is watching.

I have tried to instill my parents’ commitment to faith in my kids through many of the same ways. I believed the way they watched a Christian life lived would help set an example, and I am proud of the direction each of them has chosen.

One of the most important teachings in the Bible is the admonition that each of us must love our neighbor. I know there’s a chapter ahead in this book on my parents’ work for charitable organizations, but as I think about how my father and mother lived their faith, I think about many of the little ways they showed love to neighbors.

Dad would often encourage us, as children, to find little ways to help people. The greatest lesson in what he was teaching, though, was the importance of showing empathy for others, of not being judgmental of circumstances we might not understand.

You never know what other people are going through in their lives. Even a small interaction when passing someone on a sidewalk can entirely change a person’s day. Being respectful, appreciative, kind, caring, and listening to and learning from your friends, family, and strangers is very important. As big as our world is, it truly is small.

And in those moments, you may be opening a heart."'

Excerpted with permission from Best Seat in the House by Jack Nicklaus II and Don Yaeger, copyright Jack Nicklaus II and Don Yaeger.

[bodhrancomedy]

So @carriageofaerietails and anyone else who wants to hear: the Time Someone Tried To Insist I Was Jewish.

Warning: anti-semitism.

I was still in school, probably somewhere between 13 and 15 when this story takes place and I was in RMPS (Religious, Moral, and Philosophical Studies) class which was one of my favourite classes and the one I passed my first exam in with 97% and then greatly disappointed my teacher in when I didn’t study for my Higher and only got 74%.

I was sat beside a boy we’re going to call Richard. Because he was a dick. Our surnames were right next to each other so I dealt with this boy for all of my school life because he also become House Captain the same time I did (no I did not go to private school, UK schools often have houses and shit because why not).

We were on a break and I being the nerd I was had whipped out my book to crack through a chapter before we got back to whatever we were doing. It was probably Buddhism because I swear to you, that’s the only religion we ever did. Every single year we studied Buddhism and I did this for five years. Honestly, I feel I have an excellent grasp on the religion and it seems like a cool one.

Anyway, Richard saw me reading and leant over to ask, “Is that the Jewish Bible?”

I stopped, confused as all hell, and said, “No?”

“Yes it is.”

“No, it’s not. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s called the Torah.”

“Are you Jewish?” He asked with a strange intensity.

I’m not. Honestly, at this point in my life, I’d never knowingly met a Jewish person and I don’t think he had either. This was a small rural Scottish school, not being Church of Scotland was already religious diversity.

I - for anyone who doesn’t know - am a half-Catholic, half-Protestant Northern Irish atheist. We had been raised atheist. I’m not even christened much to my Nana’s horror.

“No, I’m not Jewish,” I said.

“Then why are you reading their Bible?” he insisted. His entire face was twisted and I was slowly realising that Richard wasn’t joking. I’d spent my entire school life being accused of being things I was not: a trans woman, a lesbian, a member of the IRA, even a prostitute.

But all of those had been to hurt me. This was serious.

He leant towards me and spat, “You killed Jesus. It’s your fault.”

Dear reader, I was confused and shocked. You see, up until this moment I had never heard of this. And I’d done the reading. Jesus, if he existed, had been killed by the Romans. He’d been betrayed by Judas. Also, that was two thousand years ago. I was thirteen/fifteen. I feel like I would have remembered doing that.

I relayed this. I told him that even if I were Jewish, there was nothing wrong with that. He does not seem happy.

“Then why are you reading a book with gold pages?”

Back then, I didn’t understand what the fuck this would have to do with Jewish people. I had some vague knowledge of an incorrect connection, but couldn’t put it together. Now, I’m horrified I didn’t have a proper defence and that I was so naive.

At that moment, the teacher (who liked me immensely) returned and with one final antisemitic hiss, Richard retreated.

I didn’t tell my teacher because I was bullied so often that it was getting embarrassing but I remembered it.

The only thing I came away from that conversation with was confusion over Richard’s choice of attack.

You see, dear reader, the book I had pulled out to race through a chapter was none other than The Picture of Dorian Grey, by Oscar Wilde. A book with expresses antisemitic sentiments more than once.

I do remember my exact train of thought (but not exact wording because I was thirteen to fifteen and unaware of my sexuality if not my gender identity, I’m nonbinary masc) going as follows:

“If you were going to try and insult me and infer something about my character from my reading material… call me gay. It would at least be accurate! You utter philistine.”

That very Christian boy, by the way, as I already mentioned became a house captain alongside me when we were seventeen. He refused to participate (actually along with all the other house captains) in our mandated presentation about bullying the queer kids and - when I came out to the whole school in the middle of it - cornered me on the stairwell.

“I don’t approve of your life choices,” he said, looking me up and down, “and I certainly don’t approve of you pushing it on the younger kids.”

I - the founder and head of the only drama club in this school which was expressly for the bullied queer and neurodivergent kids to come and hide in during lunch due to memories of my queer friends and I being physically assaulted - said nothing back.

“And because of that,” he continued, “I don’t think we should ever speak again.”

I remember he was on the stairs below me because I remember taking a step towards him and still being taller. I remember thinking back to that moment in RMPS 4-2 years prior.

“Richard,” I said with surprising cheerfulness, “If I’d know that’d been the outcome, I’d have come out years ago.”

The shock on his face fuelled me for years. I’m not usually eloquent in face-to-face conflicts, I tend to need things at least half planned first, but that day it worked.

I don’t know what happened to Richard, I haven’t seen him since I left school but I don’t have hope he’s gotten better.

But yeah, that’s the really long story of the time someone insisted I was Jewish.

Sorry to disappoint…?

(Also, there are Irish Asian (sorry for the broad descriptor) people! Irish people can be wasian! Why would that disqualify you??)

[tarragonblack123581321345589]

THEOLOGY

ABRAHAMIC RELIGIONS ->

The three major ABRAHAMIC RELIGIONS religions are, in order of appearance, JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY, and ISLAM.

■JUDAISM is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion based on the covenant shared between God and Abraham.

The holy scriptures of JUDAISM are called the TANAKH, after the first letters of its three parts in the Jewish tradition. T: TORAH, the Teaching of Moses, the first five books. N: NEVI'IM, the books of the prophets. KH: KETUVIM, for the Writings, which include the psalms and wisdom literature.

ORTHODOX Jews believe in a strict interpretation of Jewish law ('halacha' in Hebrew) which they think is grounded in the Torah (the first five books of the Hebrew Bible), both oral and written, and the revelation made to Moses by God on Mount Sinai.

CONSERVATIVE Jews believe in marriage and membership as a Jew. Other characteristics of that belief system include support of the Zionist movement and the rejection of the immutability of the "Torah" and the "Talmud" while still believing in the eternal truths upon which they are based.

REFORM Jews believe in the renew our living Covenant with God, the people of Israel, humankind, and the earth by acknowledging the holiness present throughout creation – in ourselves, in one another, and in the world at large – through practice that includes reflection, study, worship, ritual, and more.

■CHRISTIANITY is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion centered around the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

THE BIBLE is the holy scripture of the Christian religion, purporting to tell the history of the Earth from its earliest creation to the spread of Christianity in the first century A.D. Both the Old Testament and the New Testament have undergone changes over the centuries.

□ROMAN CATHOLICISM

Roman catholicism is a branch of Christianity which has its belief about the sacraments, the role of the Bible and tradition, the importance of the Virgin Mary and the saints, and the papacy.

THE HISTORY OF THE REFORMATION

The Reformation was a major theological movement in Western Christianity in 16th-century Europe that posed a religious and political challenge to the papacy and the authority of the Catholic Church. Following the start of the Renaissance, the Reformation marked the beginning of Protestantism.

□PROTESTANTISM

Protestantism is a branch of Christianity which will deny the universal authority of the Pope and affirm all of the Reformation principles of justification by faith alone, the priesthood of any practitioner, and the primacy of the Bible as the only source of revealed truth.

■ISLAM is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion that was revealed to Muhammad, a prophet of Allah, and written down in the Qur'an years later by his followers.

SUNNI

Muhammad did not specifically appoint a successor to lead the Ummah before his death. This sect did, however, approve of the private election of the first companion, Abū Bakr. In addition to the previous mentioned, Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb, ʿUthmān ibn ʿAffān, and ʿAlī ibn Abī Ṭālib are also accepted as al-Khulafāʾ ur-Rāshidūn. After this, they believe that Muhammad intended that the Muslim community choose a successor, or caliph, by consensus. A practitioner of this sect will base their religion on the Quran and the Sunnah as understood by the majority of the community under the structure of the four schools of thought. These are HANAFI, MALIKI, SHAFI'I and the HANBALI.

SHI'A

Muhammad's family, the Ahl al-Bayt, including all of his descendants, have distinguished spiritual and political authority over the community. It is believed that Alī ibn Abī Ṭālib was the first of these descendants and the rightful successor to Muhammad. As a result, it was rejected that the first three Rāshidūn caliphs have legitimacy.

[azx3jokes]

Funny Joke

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[van-goghs-smoking-skull]

Ok, so for those of you who saw that one post about homework and religious holidays, there is a reason why I said what I said and a reason this isn't an apology post.

The separation of church (religions) and state (the government and government run and/or funded institutions) exists and remains for a reason. It began with the church in the US requesting it, as otherwise the US would likely have had a state-mandated religion otherwise, which happened to be the Anglican church, which would be a massive problem. The US had just broken ties with the British and were no longer a colony and the prospect of giving the British monarchy full control over the US through the Anglican church was NOT something the newly freed people of the US relished the idea of, understandably. Now, it's what prevents churches from running government-funded (which is to say taxpayer-funded, as in all taxpayers, not just taxpayers of specific religions) in such a way that students are expected to follow a mandated religion in school (you can use private, religious schools for that if you like, BYU as an example). It also means that religious institutions do not have to pay taxes and they are largely allowed to teach their own religion as they see fit. Everyone is free to practice their religion without the need to infringe on other religions or on atheists, who chose a lack of religion. It works (when people let it) and it benefits both theists of all kinds and atheists - everyone gets to have freedom of religion by law.

So, there are theists pissed that schools give out homework on their holy days (seen as the state infringing on religion) and even atheist kids would likely prefer to have less homework, but the question not being asked is, if we abolish homework based on religious holy days, isn't that religion infringing on the state? The answer is yes, actually, it is.

So, options

Leave things as they are, screw both free time AND religious holidays. Keep the infringement rolling.

Create databases of students and their religious affiliations (there's that infringement again), forcibly outing them to the school (which isn't nearly as secure as some imagine) in a country where religious institutions have been targets of mass shootings, and in a world where lists of undesired people helped Nazis keep the Concentration Camps gassing and burning people. Use these unsecure databases to avoid assigning homework on holy days. This means separate curriculums for each student to accommodate different holy days and practices, leaving student who have a lot of holy days with less homework and atheist students with homework everyday (oh the privilege of those holy days).

The same databases as the first part of option 2, but get rid of homework for every student on which any religion's holy days fall (everyday if we're going to include all religions and be honest about it, making the need to track which students are which religion rather moot).

Acknowledge that everyday is going to be a holy day for someone, and simply skip both the database and bringing religion into the school. Get rid of mandatory homework for all the students and simply not mention specific holy days in that policy. No homework on holy days for anyone at all, whether they observe or not.

Break with the separation of church and state, make Christianity be the mandated religion taught in all schools, and well, if we do that, may as well take science out of school and replace it with Bible study, and watch the fireworks as Catholics fight Protestants over who the 'real Christians' are, and then watch all the Protestant denominations duke it out over which group is right, and maybe even take it down to the synod level of things. Who needs education anyway, when you can just scream at each other? (Honestly, if I were Christian, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, and I'm not Christian, so that appeals even less to me.)

At no point are students barred from believing in their chosen religion, no homework is assigned on holy days, no database mandates that students have a figurative target on their backs, religion does not infringe on the school (state), and the state does not infringe on religion if we go with option 4. I say go with the option that does not give everyone or specific groups some sort of downside. Option 4 respects theists' holy days without having to cite them or track theists, and atheists don't get thrown under the bus by being made to do homework no one else has to do. Option 4 is win/win.

I know there's people out there that would argue Christians would never do such a thing or that all religions would automatically get along in schools, but there's a reason The Flying Spaghetti Monster of Pastafarianism is a thing. (Reminder to religious scholars: that's not 'the atheist church' or 'the atheist religion')

From Wikipedia:

"The "Flying Spaghetti Monster" was first described in a satirical open letter written by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the Kansas State Board of Education decision to permit teaching intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in public school science classes.[10] In the letter, Henderson demanded equal time in science classrooms for "Flying Spaghetti Monsterism", alongside intelligent design and evolution.[11] After Henderson published the letter on his website, the Flying Spaghetti Monster rapidly became an Internet phenomenon and a symbol of opposition to the teaching of intelligent design in public schools.[12]"

(Intelligent Design and Creationism are pretty much the same thing, as proven by the fact that the textbooks made to teach them simply had an automatic cut and paste function added textbook-wide and the cut and paste function kinda screwed up and missed a couple spots. Oopsies.)