#striving to be a better community member lol

[doubleedgemode]

that post u made about A.B.A regarding her classic GG quotes is so interesting I had no idea she said that! I haven’t played the earlier games, would u happen to have screenshots of where she says that or where I might be able to see some of her classic/unused quotes ? I just like having that stuff on hand lol. Thank you!

Thanks to you, anon, for making me revisit the screenshots, and sure thing! I'm gonna link the page, keep in mind it's super meaty and covers a lot of characters so ctrl F search will be your best friend to find specific character/quotes :)

I found them in this big quote compilation in guiltygear.ru, click the sentence to go there. (Kudos to @/solradguy's big gg neo.cities archival efforts making me find the page)... BUT before anything, important DISCLAIMERS❗:

1. Some of the quotes in general can get kind of explicit or with double entendres so uh keep that in mind.

2. Something I just learnt after going to find you the translations, it's to keep in mind their author: See, this is better explained in the aforementioned ne.ocities archival, but a lot of the site's translations were made by someone who, without going too much into detail, is... a controversial member of the community, who is known for putting a good bunch of misconceptions and mistakes into their translations. (Also they have, in my opinion, unsavory and even problematic takes about the franchise. Don't try to argue with them, just block, per proper net etiquette) I don't know japanese so I don't know if this quote index suffers from that so in the end, we'll have to take all this quote info with a huge grain of salt.

Keeping all this in mind, this is already probably a wordier answer than you expected BUT since we are at it, I'll ramble about some A.B.A quotes (in no order) that I found interesting about the topic under the cut, if you want to read that.

First and third quotes in this picture are pretty self explanatory about this part of her character. The vs Faust intro... Man, that looks straight out of her strive song. Dunno if they pulled inspiration from that, but it seems even in the classic days they had a pretty clear idea of part of A.B.A's story being existing and thriving in her own unique way.. Which makes me kind of emotional for some reason ;_;

These were NOT unused as far as I can tell, but obviously do correct me if wrong!

I find it fascinating how much of clear glimpses these are are into her law obsession (more on that specific one later) and believing herself to be a high class person and looking above "lower classes" shoulders.

Some of these aren't exclusively about the aforementioned topics but they mention her cooking god knows what creatures (like in that one infamous xxac ending) and just.. being a scared, pathetic individual at heart. Sigh.

There are probably more examples of all this but this post needs to end sometime today.😭 So, returning to her law thing being an obsession in capital letters, look at her ingame overdrives:

But before that, the elephant in the room: People's observations of her instakill looking pretty taxing to her to perform and even making a berserk Paracelsus look like even he thinks this goes too far are not far from the truth. "I might not recover this time... Dying!!!" What else can I say, that's just sad.. and very interesting lorewise about the toll of this kind of summonings. Yeah, people noticed that in strive, she can summon the same exact door as in her insta with no struggle (or at least not the same level for sure) indicates her power or skill have improved which is so so fascinating.. Anyways. Back to the law thing. We've always had a huge sign under our noses: Her saying Evidence in her overdrives. While sure it can be evidence in a more general meaning, like proving facts or something, it does call to LEGAL evidence, too

...Maybe that was super obvious for everybodh but I'm afraid to admit I didn't connect the dots til now haha 😅

I cannot access my xxacp copy right now to see if her saying shouko during her overdrives is correct, but were we to take this as truth and also trust a japanese language study site as solid because. Again I have zero knowledge of japanese... According to Nihongoclassroom..

It can be used in a legal setting.

And with this we can neatly wrap this up... Tdlr I guess she's living up to her creator being a mansion owner (which isn't precisely cheap) and it gets so interesting and double edged (HAH) if you believe her classic games was as self aware while doing this and fooling herself as strive A.B.A is.

AND she has or had a HUGE interest in law (and if u allow me to reach mayyybe morality too?). While probably not as core to her as her key thing, she sure has told the audience almost as much as it.

[cloudedthoughtss]

hello ! I love your page so much . It brings me so much peace. Hope it doesn’t sound creepy lol but I can feel how beautiful your energy is! I was wondering if you have any self love tips? I’m having trouble understanding what loving yourself truly means

This is so sweet, thank you <3.

As far as self love tips I’ve got a few.

1. Don’t compare yourself. I think we get so caught up in living in a society that is always striving to have the best, be the best, and look the best. But the only best you need to thrive for is the best version of yourself you want to create, and you have the ability to create any version of yourself you desire. Limit your access to social media if you find yourself spiraling and constantly experiencing feelings of inadequacy. It’s probably a sign insecurity is rooted somewhere within you. Learn to accept yourself for who you are, where you are, and with what you have. Acceptance is always the first key to open many doors for you.

2. Forgive yourself for not always measuring up to your expectations. I live by the Maya Angelou quote” Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” You did the best you could at the time with what you knew. Now you know better so strive for better and live in the now.

3. Set goals, and then aim for them. If you have a new hobby you want to try then pursue it. If you want to join the gym, join. If you want to work on better self discipline then create a routine that allows that. If you want to be more knowledgeable read more books. If you want to feel more alive, spend time outdoors. Start with daily micro habits and you will see a transformation in your self love. When you complete the things you’ve set your mind to complete, you have a reason to feel proud of yourself and that’s a seed of self love planted.

4. Practice mindfulness and gratitude. Practicing mindfulness will help you to stay present and not allow your thoughts to run rampant. Create a journal and write a list of things you’re grateful with. If you’re not happy in your current situation start small. “ I’m grateful to have my 5 senses etc” I’m grateful I’m not in a war zone. I’m grateful I have food, I’m grateful I have freedom” these small tokens of gratitude will help you to shift your perspective and slowly see the smallest light in realm of darkness.

5. Practice Self-Care. Take care of yourself physically. Create a routine that will allow you to do this. Hygiene is important and it will help boost your self esteem. Change your hair style, create a new style, do a facial mask or take a nice bath/shower. Whatever you choose just choose something and stick with it.

6. Be aware of how you speak to yourself ( this means mentally too) What you believe you become. Are your thoughts positive or self destructive? Are you uplifting yourself or are you full of self criticism? What you believe you will become. The one person who won’t leave you is you, so make sure you are kind to yourself. A great way to practice this is to envision someone you love very deeply. This could be a friend or a family member. Now imagine speaking to them the way you speak to yourself. If you can’t imagine communicating to them the same way, there’s a deeply rooted issue.

If you’d like anymore tips, please let me know. I’m always willing to share more with you. I truly believe the root of self love is self acceptance, self awareness, and self compassion. It all stems for within and everything else flows from it including external beauty.

[ofherlionheart]

8 and zukka for the fic rec ask meme if ur still doing them?

yeah!! i sorta already did this one but lemme just throw the zukka things i have saved at ya (disclaimer that im trash at remembering to save things. this list is absolutely not representative of everything zukka that i've enjoyed and that exists out there to give you the warm fuzzies)

absence of heat, excess of destiny by theycallmesuperboy — soulmates au!! i loved that the writer chose the sword to represent sokka instead of the boomerang

Mass Times Acceleration by Haicrescendo — this is a classic surely you must have come across this in other rec lists before

Real Slow by surveycorpsjohn — thee zukka fic that got me thinking, okay, i see it, now lemme try writing it 😤

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by meliebee — y'all know i love some violence and tragedy and ppl getting fckd up a little bit more before they reach their happy endings … lol anyway this is that

fic recs ask game

[jypbae7]

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

[sweetestlamb]

Unexpected

Summary: Accidental relationships are the worst. 

Author's note: A silly little drabble(it's like 5k so idk if it's a drabble lol) I created based on an image @prodmina made for me, this is not related to BMTL at all-it's just a side dish I'm offering to my Junjin lovers. A few days ago we both noticed that these two don't really get much fluff without some angst(I'm guilty of this too so no judgement just an observation) Hence this was created, it's just a one-shot because this idea wouldn't leave my mind. This community is well fed but here's some more food for the hungry. And yes my page break this time is Sujin's sexy leg, I have no regrets.

They've been in the same school for as long as she can remember, her striving to be the best student only second to one and him seemingly showing up to drool on the nearest surface and give the female population heart palpitations. She's thankfully not one of his victims- having actual standards and a fully functional hippocampus; ergo while most girls are drawing hearts on their notebooks with Han Seojun opposite their name, she is turning her nose up at them judging them for their lack of foresight.  A pretty face would only last for so long. 

They stay out of each other's way, the only thing they have in common is Lee Suho- her childhood friend of many years and his best friends despite their varied differences. She and Suho haven't been spending much time together ever since she moved out with her mother, but he was still one of her oldest friend and someone she cared about. Long story short, they both spent years imprisoned with a monster and now they were free.

Her life was looking brighter, more technicolor and staying away from a thug like Han Seojun was only adding to its quality. 

Which is why she's dumbfounded when they run into each other, at the most inopportune of time. She's walking home after her academy classes, being a pediatrician isn't going to be child's play and she has to take every possible advantage to make her dreams a reality. Without her father’s money backing her she has to accomplish this with her own merits, she is looking forward to proving him wrong. 

Airpods in, she doesn't notice the group stalking her until it's too late. One by one they begin to surround her, leering at her body like she's a piece of meat on display- it makes the hairs on the nape of her neck raise in trepidation and disgust.  

"Isn't it too late for a pretty girl like you to be wandering all alone outside?" The one she assumes is the leader croons, voice dripping in faux concern as he rubs his hands resembling a villian out of a 1940′s comic book. 

She immediately begins to catalog how many of them there are, strategizing the best way to take them down. Fifteen of them. She can't fight them all, the best she can do is distract a few and make a run for it. 

"Isn't it too early for vermin like you to be wandering the streets?" She replies snidely, rolling her eyes when they all whistle at her jab. This is such a pathetic end to her day, it's honestly beneath her. 

"I'll make you regret that comment, you bitch!" Already with the name calling, this guy really was a cartoon villian and he couldn't even construct something creative to call her. instead choosing the most generic insult in the book. With a sigh she moves into a fighting position, fists raised guarding her face and legs apart. 

"Let's just get this over with, you're sucking up all the air with that snout you call a nose." All she sees is his sneer and eyes huge in rage before he lunges at her, his movements are so predictable and she sidesteps kicking at the back of his knee swiftly. Then she grabs another arm that comes flying at her face cruelly twisting and flipping him over her body, his groan of pain music to her ears. She easily taking them out without breaking much of a sweat, she had been fighting since she was young and they were all clearly not trained fighters, just bumbling idiots playing gangster. 

But then she hears the cold metallic click of a knife uncoiling. A shiver races down her spine. They really were low-lives, she hadn’t expected them to actually pull out a weapon. 

"You need a knife to take on one girl? Can you even call yourself a gang?" The words are exactly the ones that are in her brain but she's not the one who utters them, a new voice has entered the fray. A familiar voice at that. 

This day just keeps getting worst.

"Han Seojun, how about you mind your business we found her first she's ou--" 

The rodent looking asshole never gets to finish his sentence as her leg comes flying at his face as she executes a perfect roundhouse kick, slicing through the air and landing devastating blow on his cheek sending him flying to the ground in a heap. 

"Damn Sujin! And you call me a thug! I think you killed him." Seojun cries sputtering in disbelief motioning at the motionless body on the ground but she notes the impressed raise of his eyebrow. Like she needs him approval.

While the rest of the band of idiots are helping up their leader she realizes this is her chance, without a word to Seojun she takes off running. Easily jumping over one of her fallen attackers and stepping on his shoulder for momentum, he cries at her harsh treatment.

Turning back she sees Seojun deck a guy in the face knocking him out before he starts chasing after her, his long legs eating up the gap between them in no time, she's temporarily grateful that he's not the one chasing her the damn beanpole. 

"Are you secretly a ninja or something?" She snorts at his terrified face, chucking when he keeps looking waiting for an answer as if he truly believes she might be. Nosy idiot.

"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." She answers straight faced, watching as horror blossoms on his face and her musical laughter saturates the streets as she runs faster, he shakes his head at her smirking in reply. 

It's the beginning of the end, but she had no idea. 

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Somehow it becomes the catalyst they need to break the seal between them, she expects everything to go back to its rightful place- them ignoring the other’s presence as they've always done and only speaking when they had something rude to say, their normal. But as she's walking in the hallway she hears him shouting her name behind her, immediately all eyes in the hallway dart to them. 

"Kang Sujin! Yah! I'm talking to you!" He garners the attention of everyone in the vicinity and she turns around, annoyance purposely all over her face.  He needs to know that she is not amused with him. 

"Yeah, people across town can hear you. What do you want?" 

"Are you calling me loud?" He cries defiantly, obnoxiously even louder than before. The smirk on his face letting her know that it’s intentional, she aches to kick it off his face. 

"Is the sky blue?" She sarcastically responds, waiting for him to catch up as they walk side by side. 

"A better analogy to use would be is Han Seojun handsome?" She gags as he starts posing with a finger under his chin, in the distance she can hear high pitched squeals of his name.

She picks up her pace, regretting even giving him a moment of her time. She must have lost her mind for a moment, it wouldn’t happen again. 

"No wonder you're single. Who could compete with your love for yourself? I have something to do so I'll leave first." She doesn't wait for his response, leaving to do nothing but that's none of his business. 

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But it doesn't end there, they just keep orbiting into each other. Their groups converging at lunch and when the boys are having a heated argument about who's the best character on Dragon Ball Z, they both passionately shout out "Vegeta!!" In unison making everyone turn to face them in shock that they've agreed on something. They stare at each other as flabbergasted before Seojun pushes his hand out, palm flat and expectant look on his face. 

She simply stares back blankly, considering leaving him hanging just to see that stupid offended look he always gets around her but in the end she slaps her hand firmly against his, at least he was smart enough to know that Saiyan prince was the best.

Clap!

"Someone mark it on a calendar! Seojun and Sujin agreed on something!" Su-ah exclaims clapping her hands and smiling brightly, they both argue when several members at the table pull out their phones to commemorate the special occasion. She wrestles with Jukyeong, who's surprisingly strong and breaks free from her hold while sticking her tongue out.

"You're all so annoying!" They both explode again simultaneously, Seojun hanging off Chorong's arm as he tries to confiscate his phone, she glares at him for giving them another reason to laugh at them and Su-ah cheerily calls out, "Add that to the calendar too, they're so in sync!"

It's the worst lunch of her life, she kicks Seojun under the table. This was all his fault. Glaring when he kicks her back and they end up kicking each other until the period ends, oblivious to the stares around them. 

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At the end of the day she's eager to go home and do nothing, which is exactly when she feels someone tugging at her backpack forcefully dragging her backwards. 

"Yah! Let go of me!" She cries out, slipping her arms out of her bag and turning around in a fighting position. 

"At ease super soldier, it's just me." He replies as if that means anything, but she does lower her fists; marginally. To let him know she's ready to go at any minute.

"What do you want now?" She grumbles peering up at him and when he turns walking away with her backpack still in his arms, she chases after for that reason alone. 

"I'm going to the arcade. They have the new Dragon Ball Z game." 

She should go home and study, she promised herself she would review her notes from class today. She couldn't afford to slack off if she wanted a good life after all. 

She opens her lips to say all of this, to remind him that they can't all be pretty boy models like him some of them actually had to work for a living but instead she hears, "Fine. You're buying me something to eat." 

He begrudgingly agrees after complaining, "Aren't you rich? Why do I have to buy you food?" She skips off ignoring his rationale, only stopping when she sees his motorcycle parked in the lot. She's always wanted to ride a motorcycle. 

"Let's take your bike." She says confidently, not leaving him any room to refuse. 

He looks at her unimpressed before a cheeky smile spreads across his face, "You've always wanted to ride with me huh? Do you have dreams about it at night?" He teases her and she lazily watches him before walking up to him, looking directly into his eyes. He unconsciously takes a step back and she smirks, stepping closer again. 

" Are you nervous? Scared I might really be having dreams about you?" She watches his Adam's apple bob apprehensively before smacking him quickly on his cheek, he jolts in surprise. 

"You wish pretty boy. Now get the keys, I don't have all day." 

He gulps before snapping back to reality, wordlessly starting his bike. 

The entire school watches as they ride off together, her arms wrapped tight around his waist the wind whipping through her hair. She's never felt anything so exhilarating. 

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Their lives become entangled, it's the only way to describe it somewhat accurately. She goes to his house for weekly dinners and sometimes her mom comes too, his mom is a great cook while hers can barely boil water. It's a win-win scenario. They also study together, his grades aren't horrific but they could be better. There isn't much ceremony, he stomps over telling some boy he needs that seat and she watches as the poor kid scrambles, grabbing all his book and running away apologizing the entire way. 

"You have good grades right?" He says matter-of-fact less of a question and more of a statement before he pulls out actual textbooks from his bag. She rolls her eyes before nodding and turning back to her own studies. They study every Tuesday and Wednesday, he's always on time and treats her to tteokbokki. so she allows this transgression. 

She knows immediately why he asked for help when she sees his math test magnetized to his refrigerator door, big red A- circled. His mother brags about his score all throughout dinner, even cheering for her when Seojun informs her that she got an A+ on the same assignment. They both blush as she gushes about how smart they are. 

When the nightmares get too realistic and she can’t handle it alone anymore, he drops her off to therapy sessions and brings her to the gym after so she can release all her anger on a punching bag. He never asks her what's wrong but he drops her home after and the silence is comfortable between them. 

They both never mention their dads but she goes to the cemetery with him and stands quietly as he pays his respect and takes him to get ice cream after, the dinner with his family after is somber but she wouldn't rather be anywhere else. 

They never discuss what exactly is going on between them, they're just there for each other and that's enough. 

At least she thought it was. 

It's stupid but ever since they became...closer he's been getting more confessions than usual  even for him they pour down like rain. Multiple girls a day sometimes as if they took numbers and decided to go in order, she dodges them at every turn but there's always a tinge in her chest and she contemplates going to the nurse because there must be something medically wrong with her. 

She can barely taste the fried pork as she watches another girl shuffle over to their table, giant red heart box pressed tight against her chest as she approaches Seojun. His friends all notice and are chanting his name, elbowing and shouldering him excitedly. 

“Han Seojun! Han Seojun!” 

Su-ah suddenly places a warm hand on her knee, she looks at her in shock. Fear gripping at her as the other girl stares at her with gentle comforting eyes. She pushes the hand away. She doesn’t need comfort, she is fine. Fine. 

Her throat tightens as the confession starts.

"Han Seojun, I-I've liked you since last year. Willyougooutwithme?" This isn't new, they usually lose their nerve at the end sputtering out their feelings all over him. She never sticks around long enough to hear his answers, but this time she has no choice; if she leaves that would be suspicious. It would give people the wrong impression. 

She swallows her blueberry milk, he'd tossed it at her this morning saying he bought the wrong one. Coincidentally that was her favorite. It taste like chalk now on her tongue. 

"Sorry, I'm not interested." He answers truly sounding apologetic, she shifts in her seat, pointedly staring at her food. Stifling her smile by stuffing cold noodles into her mouth. 

There is a long silence as the cafeteria watches, all waiting for the girl’s  reaction. Usually there are tears, loud wailing cries and pleading for another chance, but sometimes they are silent as they walk off heartbroken, friends waiting to soothe them. 

The girl sighs, but unlike the others who usually scurry away, she speaks again, "Can I ask why? Do you already like someone?" 

A thrumming energy fills the room following her question, girls all looking around at each other, preening hopeful that they've captured the heart of the resident bad boy. She just wants this uncomfortable moment to end already, it's giving her indigestion. 

"Yes. I like someone." 

It feels like a sledgehammer to her chest, ignoring Su-ah's hand clutching at hers she stands up grabbing her tray. Nobody pays her any mind besides her two best friends, she weakly smiles at them, "I'm all done. I'm gonna head to the library I'll see you both later." 

She tosses out her tray viciously, forcing herself not to look back. 

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Avoiding him isn't easy, he's always there waiting for her or texting her to ask why she isn't coming over for dinner because his mother made her favorite. She's never lied to him before but she finds herself doing just that, feigning illnesses and late night classes. Which only results in him offering to bring her soup and give her a ride to said classes. Like she said their lives were for lack of a better word, entangled. 

But she sticks to it, keeping her distance from him as she tries to understand why exactly she's doing this. He's her friend she should be happy that he likes someone, he was an idiot but it was probable that the feeling was mutual. He would finally have a girlfriend, someone to fill the spot she had been temporarily occupying. Someone he could bring home for dinners and someone to accompany him at his father's grave. Someone to talk to late at nights when he had a nightmare about losing his family and couldn’t fall asleep. Someone, not her. 

"I'm happy for him. I should be feeling sorry for the poor girl he likes." She whispers to herself, aimlessly scrolling on her phone. Instagram has been a great source of distraction lately. As soon as she opens the app she sees a red dot pop up, a notification. She taps it seeing that she's been tagged in a photo, then another notification pops up and another and another and they start coming in too quickly for her to keep up. 

"What the hell?" She admonishes aloud, clicking randomly on one of the notifications ready to see what's causing such an uproar.

It's a picture of her. 

She remembers the day clearly, Seojun had forced her to go with him to a new diner that specialized in American cuisine, all so he could stuff his face with pancakes. She had no clue he'd taken a picture of her. Something that feels butterflies flutters in her stomach as she reads his caption. 

How do you get a princess to forgive you? 

Was this some kind of joke? What the hell was he thinking? She bulks at all the likes and comments on the photo after only two hours, she'd never gotten that much attention on a photo but she rarely posted pictures of her face. There were a lot of creeps online. 

Nervously she taps to view the comments, it's a mixed bag of reactions. Girls she's never met before cursing her very existence as if she's a threat to their imaginary relationship with him and the very same creeps that caused her not to post selfies on her page posting disgusting sexual comments. 

She instinctively taps to reply to rip them to shreds before she realizes that Seojun has already replied to every comment from a guy, threatening them explicitly and a few comments are even accusing him of deleting comments. There are a few comments calling her pretty but those are few and far in between and usually they are attacked in their replies by other jealous fan girls. 

Anger bubbles in her gut, what the fuck was he thinking posting a picture of her for all these vipers to see? 

Impulsively she taps the screen harshly, fingers flying across her keyboard. 

Delete this now. Are you insane? Who are you calling a princess?! 

Almost immediately she regrets her rash decision as comments flood in. 

How dare you talk to oppa like that? 

Oppa see she doesn't deserve you! 

Who is this snotty bitch?

You're not pretty enough to be this stuck up honestly, no offense. 

You should be happy a hot guy is posting you, ungrateful. 

She's tempted to reply to each comment, who did think they were talking to, she wasn't some pushover, let's see if they would have this much gall to say this to her face. She'd taken on a gang of would be thugs, she had no problem beating some sense into some bitches. 

But they're not worth her time or energy. 

Swiping the app close, she takes a calming breath. Counting to three. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. When her anger is nothing but a low thrum beneath her skin, she opens her contacts going to get favorites and clicking his name,  bringing her phone to her ears. 

"Finished ignoring me princess?" He answers smoothly, sounding far too relaxed for all the trouble he's caused. She wants to wring his neck.

"Have you lost your mind?" She cuts to the chase, huffing angrily as her phone buzzes with more notification. "Han Seojun you better delete that picture right now!" 

"You've been ignoring my calls and texts and pretending you don't see me at school. What else was I supposed to do?" She can hear the strain in his voice, but he doesn't sound angry, no that's his hurt voice. 

"I've just been busy. You didn't need to do something this... extreme." 

He scoffs, clearly not believing her excuse. It sounds weak to even her own ears, they'd gotten too close they made time for each other, doing the most mundane things together, he even helped her clean her house sometimes and she would regularly help him shop for groceries. 

"Come open your door. I think we need to talk." 

He hangs up after his statement, leaving her to stare at her phone in shock. 

"That little piece of shit." She curses, running a hand through her hair before she hops out of bed, running to open her apartment door. She slows down as she nears the door, not wanting him to think her too eager. She's not. 

Running her hand through her hair again, she slowly pulls open the door. A breath swooshes through her lips at the sight of him, she's been avoiding him so much it's overwhelming to be staring at him directly like this. 

They stare at each other, the air unexpectedly charged between them as their gazes meet.

"It's rude to leave someone standing outside." He quips finally, pressing past her before she can reply to his complaint, she huffs in annoyance stepped aside to give him entry. 

Familiarly he toes off his boots, putting on the slippers her mom had purchased for him after his presence became more constant. Then he strides across the small space of her living room, sitting on her couch and glancing at her expectantly. She closes her door with a sigh, walking over and sitting in the single love seat. He stares at her hard. She struggles to keep his gaze. 

"What did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry. If you tell me what it is, I probably won't do it again." 

She's so taken back by his immediate apology that she stupidly focuses on the least important word in the sentence, "Probably?" 

He shrugs in reply, "I like pushing your buttons. You like it too. So I can’t make promises until I know what I did.” 

She can't argue with his assessment, they did have a very unusual relationship built on mutual sarcasm and backhanded compliments. They both were masters of never truly saying what they were thinking or feeling, too scared of rejection to make the final jump of fate. So they just kept crashing into each other, prodding and poking without recognizing why. 

"I'm not mad at you." She admits, she has no reason to be upset. He hadn't done anything besides like someone else, that wasn't a crime.  Unless the judge was her heart and then he had committed the most heinous of crimes. 

"Then why are you avoiding me?" The crux of it all, she was avoiding him because he forced her to acknowledge the secret she'd kept so hidden even she was unaware of it until it hit her over the head. 

"Why do you care so much?" She counters defensively, feeling naked under his penetrating stare. 

He laughs coldly, "Answering my question with a question. Never took you for a coward Kang Sujin." 

She bristles at the snide remark, who was he to call her a coward?

"If I'm a coward why are you here? Why post my picture on your Instagram? Don't you like someone, why are you here bothering me!" She hisses at him, each word gradually increasing in volume until she's screaming at his blank face. Then he starts laughing, pure unhindered laughter from his belly that stings her ears. She made herself too obvious. 

"Aren't you supposed to be smart?" 

"What do you mean by tha-" He cuts her off before she can finish shouting, "How do you not know that I was talking about you?" 

Her voice drains like water slipping down a sink as she hears the words he said, she blinks before her mouth falls open in shock. 

"Was I really letting you tutor me? What was I thinking?" He laments to the ceiling, mocking her but she's too riled up now already climbing out of her seat and striding over to him. He jolts backwards as she places her hands on his shoulders, searching his face and delighting at his wide eyes before climbing into his lap. He wheezes but his hand immediately latch onto her hips. She stares at him closely, eyes trailing from his hypnotic eyes, down to his lifted pert nose and lingering on his full plush lips. 

"You like me." She states, watching how his eyes flutter shut before landing on her own lips. 

"I thought it was very clear. Who else could I have been talking about, I spend all my time with you." 

He's right, they did spend a lot of time together prior to her self-preserving decision to avoid him like the plague. She hadn't realized when her feelings for him had changed, thinking they were simply friends the entire time.  A friend that she thought about constantly, who she wanted to spend all her time with and sometimes she's idly imagine kissing or holding his hand. She certainly hasn't expected anything. 

But here he was offering.  She wasn’t a good enough person to turn it down. 

"I'm going to kiss you. Stop me if you don't want that." She states boldly, now that she knows this is on the table, he's on the table she is practically starving and all her doubts have transformed into the desire, the desire to touch and be touched. He glances at her, his patented 'are you stupid?' stare and she laughs before smashing their lips together. It's hard and a little uncomfortable, with their lips just roughly pressed together and she wonders if they're doing it right before his hands stroke her cheeks, tilting her head as he slows down the kiss until it's sweeter and softer and oh, is that his tongue? He swipes at her sealed lips and she only hesitates for a moment before slowly opening and allowing him entrance.

This takes the kiss to another level, as her head swims at his flavor- something spicy and earthy irrevocably Seojun that she finds addicting and she eagerly sticks her tongue into his mouth, licking at his moist cavern. Wet smacks fill the air as they suck at each other's face, his large hands nearly circling her waist entirely she shivers at the touch, feeling small and delicate in his arms. He reaches up a hand to caress her hair and she mimics the move, pushing her hand through his thick hair tugging at the end of his mullet. When they break apart, panting into each other's mouths she feels like her soul has been set ablaze. 

"Since you're so smart I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel." She says trying to regain her composure and her breath, her lungs feel winded like she's run a marathon.

"Of course not. Everyone likes me, you're no exception." He replies cockily and she groans in exaggerated disgust pushing him away and clamoring out of his lap, but he tightens his grip with a deep chuckle easily manhandling her until they are laying on her couch, her back to his front. His breath is hot on her neck. 

"My mom will be home soon, we can't stay like this." She warns reaching back to move his arm which is digging into her back, dragging his arm over her waist and squirming until she's comfortable.

"I know. We still have an hour. She's working overtime tonight." 

Of course he knows her mom's schedule, she tries to smother her smile. She fails but nobody seems so she'll take it as a partial victory. 

He reaches over her, grabbing the remote before switching on Netflix and putting on a movie they'd started before but never finished because she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He had complained about her drooling on his favorite sweater the next day at school, as she shushed him and people looked over at the odd pair. 

"You're gonna delete that picture right?" She asks, only barely focused on the movie too distracted by his warmth behind her. She has to smother a moan when he starts stroking aimlessly on her waist. His fingertips igniting her skin in a warm burn that travels to her heart and lower. 

"Humph why can't I have a picture of my girlfriend on my page?" 

She turns around immediately, "Girlfriend? Who said anything about that," she rebuttals watching his eyes narrow until they're barely slits. She doesn't hate that look on him. 

"You kiss someone who isn't your boyfriend like that?" She blushes at him mentioning that, the kiss still very vivid in her mind, her lips still tingling. 

"Shut up." She huffs punching him in the chest, but he catches her hand and yanks her close until they're chest to chest, noses almost touching, lips a hair's breadth apart. 

"I'm going to kiss my girlfriend, stop me if you don't want it." He echoes her earlier words, gripping the back of her head as he stares at her a clear challenge, smirking when she doesn't move away before he devours her lips again. She groans around his tongue in her mouth, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as their lips slide wetly against each other.

When the jingle of keys sound several minutes later, she tumbles off the couch frantically as her mom pushes the door open. She wipes her lips, before looking up at Seojun; he looks wrecked- hair tussled and sticking up in different directions, his cheeks are burning red looking hot to the touch and his lips are sore and wet. Her heart does a somersault in her chest at the sight. 

Fuck. That's my boyfriend.

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She lets him keep the photo on his account in the end, it keeps the hungry fan girls away and guys leave her alone for the most apart. She ignores his smirk when he sees her comment under the photo. 

To everyone who has something to say, Han Seojun is mine. If you have a problem with that, come say it to my face. 

Nobody ever comes to say it to her face. 

“You’re cute when you’re jealous princess.” He teases her, and she scoffs at him, “You’re one to talk, didn’t you almost get into a fist fight today because someone commented that they wanted to ‘tap that’?” 

He growls at the memory of that, only the principal strolling in had stopped him. 

“You guys are perfect for each other, both deadly and gorgeous.” Su-ah adds gleefully pushing her way between them and linking arms on both sides. 

She pushes his hand away when he immediately reaches for her, “Yah! Give me back my girlfriend!” He whines desperately trying to circumvent Su-ah and grab her hand, whining loudly about third wheels and people trying to get in the way of true love.

She’ll never get tired of hearing that. 

She was Han Seojun's girlfriend and he was her boyfriend, everyone could stay mad.

[wehatejulietsimms]

This is an Andy appreciation post. I’m re-listening to Vale because I never understood.

It has much religious imagery but it’s *more* than just metaphors and analogies.

There’s four views I’ve understood finally and maybe more.

I will not mention anything of the specifics BVB is fighting against in Vale because like I said, this is an appreciation post and I don’t want to bring up anything negative if I don’t have to make it a point. If anyone wants me to go further into detail about what specifically I feel is going on, just ask because my gut has a keen reception on lyrics and events.

1. Religious persecution:

To the unawakened folks or the ones that progressively sin in the name of God.

Fighting for equality that when people fuck up, it isn’t the death of them. Just the death of an ego and awakening into more self compassion.

2. Talking to the fans that are blind to reality

In many songs off Vale, Andy always talks about preaching but never fully being heard from the blind and innocent. He’s tired but he will keep fighting, because he wants to make an active change to the community in a way he can but feels weak from time to time, yet never giving up!

3. Ashley

When Ashley was outed publicly, Andy never dedicated this song to him but posted the lyrics with no caption when Ashley was accused. Throw the first stone.

4. Letter to self: acknowledging this is an end of a cycle. Hint: the album name and song lyrics.

Our Destiny is a big one. It’s not just a rock love song about trying to save a destiny between two people. It’s saving himself from his past “sins” “fuckups” and saying it’s not too late to heal, which it’s never too hate to heal from the past and present. I feel like it’s “hey, I’m going into ashes now but I’ve already made amends with it and I’ll rise again and again, however many times to make it out of mental and physical surroundings.” Also, I feel it was referencing Lost it All in a way, like most of his songs do, it’s a personal and universal message that there’s so much shit in life that will knock you down and you will heal while STILL in a hurt place physically. I really want to appreciate that truth that there’s a lot of healing that still is in the midst of pain. (Props to you, Andy!) Many abusive childhoods can resonate with that as well as being stuck in relationships/friendships/or generational curses including being in debt. (Which he mentions a lot in interviews) I really do think he’s gonna get out because he’s such a wise soul and nobody gives him props to healing, and being such a mature wise man even though he’s not at his highest or best surroundings. I mean, I don’t know any other artist that’s stuck in a shitty situation and is still uplifting, real, and promotes healing and is why so many BVB army members resonate with the music. I really respect he says that people heal themselves but use his music as a resonating device to heal, when fans say he’s their hero.

Andy has overcome addictions, has had to protect his life many times, has written so much uplifting and real wisdom from a dark place of mind or just straight up otherworldly strength and vulnerability which I admire because it’s beautiful and real, doesn’t have many real helpful people around him, has been a real role model by himself, is overcoming shame and lies & generation healing, he’s really had to rely on himself and I’m glad his band members really allow him to take control of the lyrics in such an inspiring way. Even though he’s still dealing and people pleasing to toxic people, remember everyone, people in abusive relationships and are trapped have to people please in order to stay alive and not get harmed. Many don’t understand that if they’ve never been abused. (They don’t need to understand, Andy! We see it) His perseverance is real and don’t judge someone for figuring out their own life. Sometimes freedom comes from music (even though other aspects from the rock industry contradict it). Let’s be supportive of him right now because he’s branching off into a new territory and finding out what’s working for him SAFELY. Yes, I don’t agree with a lot of what he says in his insecure moments in interviews and lies in his book/irl (gotta remember that’s a trauma brain response), but his music speaks in a way that is truth and can help many people going through many things and express it in a healthy way. Also I believe many fans live in denial about his life due to the fact that they’re probably living through it in their own life and can’t recognize it in another person. Or are attracted to his light but want nothing to do to help keep it alive as in tearing him down (secret haters). Anyways, I respect him for going above and beyond and it’s really admirable because like I said, nobody in the industry has ever done what he’s done. His art is perseverance.

5. He’s been a role model for so many hurting depressed people because they resonate to his own story and his strength is a catalyst for their own strength. I dislike when people deny he’s been living in trauma and overcoming many times in his life because that’s literally what this band was formed into. There’s so much evidence in his life and in the music. He’s had to take on a role for his (hurt & healing) self and it naturally became a safe space for BVB army to interact and resonate with him. He had to do that at 18/19 and if anyone’s that age or older, you know that age is just a child. I applaud him for being that young while having no parental guidance while creating something beautiful and divine, though I do empathize for his inner child. His albums are art that are darker, not evil, and is a place where children/adults who were rejected in any form can find solace in their own mind and thus can create healing. His words are moving and you have to applaud the man for keeping it together when people of all directions were hating on his every move and it was because he has such a big heart and everyone around him wants to keep him caged out of selfishness. Even when he had meltdowns and (not saying he couldn’t also be toxic because everyone has the capacity but meltdowns get overlooked because it’s a spur of the moment thing and everyone thinks it’s a violent episode but it’s due to triggers as well as not being sober) still wanted to show up for everyone including his own self that he knows himself to be, that he didn’t want to let rot. He’s really a strong soul and it gets overlooked a lot. He’s striving for betterment of himself for more than a decade (with so much persecution even in his own circle) and people keep wishing that “I hope he gets out” and this is how he’s helping himself for the moment until he can actually get out. So again, props to him. We’re proud of you, Andy! Keep going! We believe in you. Keep taking care of your overall being. Thanks for believing in us all of these years. Some of us even made it out of the hurt place we were in and are living happy, peaceful, healthy lives after trauma.

^^i literally almost teared up reading this. this is exactly why i love him so much (& what made me fall in love with him/BVB in the first place) you said everything perfectly. i honestly wish i could pin posts on here bc i really want this to be the first thing people read on the blog. as much as people think this blog is supposed to be outright hateful, (although it contradicts the name of the blog lol) i can assure you it's not. as fans we want the best for our favorite artists and when an artist has helped/continued to help you and so many other people out of dark places it sucks to see that through that they can't help themselves. i just want the best for him and for him to be 100% happy again. that's the purpose of this blog.

[queerprayers]

I have kind of an odd question - do you believe that we're fully pardoned of our sins through faith alone? I've struggled w that a lot - in the church I grew up in, we were taught that. But a respected member of my church committed a really horrific crime when I was quite young, and he died immediately after. It's really shaken my faith ever since - I don't really believe in Hell, but how could someone who has done that go to heaven through faith alone? Thank you and sorry this is so dark lol

This isn’t an odd question at all, and I’m sure other people have similar questions! Sorry for taking a few days to get to this ask. (Also, sorry if there are any typos or weird organization in this post; I'm having trouble today with health issues.)

I genuinely believe that we are all saved. I talked about this a little more in this post:

“I don’t think anyone’s going to hell. I think we’ll all be saved. This is crazy to a lot of people! That’s ok! But I thought I might as well mention this because it’s important to me:

We are saved by grace. Not by what we do or how we love or how good of a Christian we might be. We’re saved because God loves us. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do good things and love others and strive to be good Christians. But it means that even if we fail at these things, we are welcomed into God’s eternal love.

I believe hell is the state of being in God’s eternal love but not being able to accept it. . . . We’re all welcomed, it’s just whether we choose to be welcomed. Being loved by God but not wanting to be probably feels like fire, probably feels like burning and abandonment.

We just need to learn to let God in, and we will be saved. On earth and in heaven. Amen.”

(For context, that was to someone worrying about whether their Muslim friend was going to heaven. But you aren’t asking for that comfort. And I totally get that!)

It looks like you have two separate questions: Are we pardoned of our sins through faith alone? and Can someone get to heaven through faith alone?

I’ve definitely struggled with this. How can we denounce evil people, but believe they’re going to heaven? Why would we want to be in a heaven with evil people? What’s the point of being a good person if we all end up with God anyway?

I won’t pretend to have an easy (or even a complete) answer to this. But here’s some haphazard thoughts:

It's easy to tell ourselves, "Oh, it's okay if someone makes a mistake or does something wrong. God will forgive us!" But when we think about what that means? The scope of sin? It becomes a lot harder to say that. Getting our head around the fact that Jesus died for every single one of us and that we're supposed to love our enemies is very intense.

I think the difference between atoning for our sins on earth and being welcomed in heaven are separate issues!

There are evil people, people that we could never feel safe around, people that have never once felt sorry for their actions. I do believe Jesus has called us to care for them and love them (not in a personal relationship way, but in a valuing their humanity way) and that's so effing hard. That hurts. That feels like a betrayal of our moral standards.

Prison abolitionists and other people working for transformative justice talk about this concept: caring for people and giving people resources decreases crime. I think in the same way we can say that loving people helps them sin less. Loving sinners will help their futures.

But what about your situation? This person is dead. They don't have a chance to change their behavior or atone for their faults. The easy answer is that now it's only up to God. We can't do anything for or about this person.

But that's not enough, is it? We want to know. We don't want God to work in mysterious ways. And sometimes, in parts of ourselves we might not want to admit, we want revenge. We want to see the people we've hurt punished. The author of Psalm 91 asks God to "repay to the proud what the deserve!"

Okay, so how can we denounce evil people, but think they're going to heaven? I mean, I do both every day-- I definitely look to the Bible and see how evil leaders are constantly being torn down and denounced and even killed, and also how all God's children are loved. That tension is crazy! It's been very healing to me, though, especially when people I love make mistakes or when I used to think that, because I was queer, I was irredeemably evil. But we can't have that comfort without also having the hurt that comes with realizing this applies to others too.

Why would we want to be in a heaven with evil people? Well, God's love will transform us. There we will be justice and atonement and radical change in heaven. There will be peace, I promise. We want to be in a heaven with people who were evil on earth because otherwise, what would be the point of preaching radical forgiveness and love? What would be the point of believing in an all-powerful God if they couldn't transform evil into good?

What's the point of being a good person if we all end up with God anyway? My old pastor had a really interesting metaphor: Imagine that your spouse loved unconditionally, for real. And they said, I don't care how many people you cheat on me with, I just want you to come at the end of the night. So you could do whatever you wanted in that relationship. You could sleep with a million people. But why would you want to? If you knew your spouse loved you that much, why would you ever betray that? Besides the fact that this obviously isn't an example of a healthy human relationship, this really showed me what sin is. We can do whatever evil we want, and faith will save us. But why would we want to? We don't have to be a good person, but I would rather be with God on earth and in heaven, instead of just in heaven. The person you're talking about didn't fully experience God's love on earth, and betrayed God's love, but he's with God's love now at the end of the night. But we can do better. We can be with God in the here and now. We're lucky to have more chances.

Okay, conclusion: It would be easy for me to say that you should forgive them and move on. But that's not how this works. My advice: let yourself feel those emotions, no matter how ugly. Remember that there is a holy tension between God's anger and justice and God's love. Give yourself time. Give love to people in your community so that perhaps they won't turn to the same evil that you saw in that person.

Here's a video from The Bible Project about Justice that's really helped me.

I don't really know if I've given you any answers, but I hope at least you know that you're not alone in struggling with this. <3

- Johanna

[nightswithkookmin]

Jikook and Taekook in The Soop: Ep 06 Analysis

PREFACE

This discussion is a continuation of my opinion piece on Soop episode 06. I explained in that post, how I think Soop was initiated by BigHit and BTS to repair and replenish the dwindling bond of the group as prior to Soop, there had been some friction between some of the members which could be traced as far back as November last year and had only increased exponentially through to March this year.

Now I said this without prejudice, and knowing full well there are a ton of content withheld from us in the present day likely to be released years from now that may reveal a moment, a behind scenes, that to others may seemingly counter this perception of mine.

But like my theory on the Jikook break up moments, I stay my ground. I don't draw my conclusions based on a single moment of tension happening in isolation because they are human- a jet lag here and a muscle pain there could lead to an unnecessary outburst here or there. That's not it.

I look for patterns, take into consideration their personalities, note how a moment impacts or is likely to impact those established values and patterns of behavior that BTS themselves consciously contribute to to influence their public image and reputation- I take this delulu business pretty seriously you know? Lol.

For instance, when I say Jikook broke up it's mostly because I've noticed that over a period of time, certain things that make Jikook a couple to me are no longer present between them, in the way they interact, rather than that there was a few seconds tension between them in random moment on screen.

And I am well aware, that when some people say they feel Jikook are broke up that they are basing their conclusions off of their own insecurities about them rather than that they have seen enough, thought through enough about those observations to reasonably draw such conclusions.

For example, because to them Jikook interactions is their evidence of a romantic relationship, then Jikook not interacting in a random moment would indicate to them that something is wrong and that they are broke up- basic delulus.

I employ a different metric. Not better, just different. For example, I used them not knowing certain things about themselves within certain periods as an indication something is off.

This is not a hard rule. It could be random but when the information they are in the dark about came into existence within a period I suspected they weren't a couple due to other things I had noticed within said period, then that becomes a confirmation of that period for me. Feel free to disagree.

Jikook know everything about eachother, EVERYTHING. Or at least, they act like they know or should know everything about eachother.

They love to be the ones to know eachother the most and love to show off their knowledge about eachother like in the recent Bangtan Bomb when JK said he knew Jimin could touch his toe when he stretched.

'See, I told you he could touch his toe.' he says with pride. Then the bit about Jimin and beans, Jimin and the convenience store underwear etc.

So when JK suddenly doesn't know Jimin took pop dancing or when Jimin acts surprised that JK had gimbap it raises an eye brow. No?

What's more concerning to me is their reaction to news like this. JK zoned out for a bit and Jimin looked confused out of his wits in those instances. You could tell its something that really bothered them.

And while this may be an isolated incident for most, it's usually not for me or even surprising to me. Because, as explained, usually moments like these fit into an established pattern of inconsistent behaviours identified within those specific timelines prior to such moments, from my observation.

And I see most people also don't know how Jikook looks like when they are not 'together.' Which is also part of the problem.

To most people, a Jikook break up would look like the apocalypse up in BTS- it's not.

I've said several times in my blogs, if you believe Jikook are real then pay attention to what they are and not what you expect them to be. Their relationship parameters are set by them not us and our ideosyncracies.

To me and the way I see them, a Jikook break up is and would always be a return to friendship.

When Jikook break up they revert back to being friends. Friendship is their default, in the group setting anyway.

And as I've said, they lose or strive away the qualities that make them a couple during break ups but at a bare minimum their friendship will be there- for the harmony of the group.

And I think this is why some Jikookers theorize that Jikook knew the consequences their relationship was going to have on the group before entering into their relationship.

While I disagree they thought things through before deciding to commit to a romantic relationship, I agree that they know and have considered the impact their relationship can have on their group.

It is why they revert and will revert to being friends during times like that so their break up and conflicts doesn't affect the dynamics of the group.

I think this is one thing they both very much understand and commit to, to make sure their shenanigans doesn't impact the dynamics of the group- they owe their bandmates that much.

It is also this understanding that allows them to thrive and hide within the group.

What all this means is that, in times of a break up, the skinship will very much be there, the wearing the same attire will be there, the wearing the same bracelets will be there, they will still ride together if they have to- because none of these is what make them a couple!

And a fight is not a breakup, mind you. Often when they fight, I find they may not want to be around each other among other things but they don't lose the qualities that make them a couple.

You can still see their couple aura in such times. Whereas in the case of a breakup those couple qualities disappear entirely. In my opinion.

Perhaps I should make a blog post on what I feel makes Jikook a couple and how those qualities disappear around the times they break up? I'll think about it.

I have stated over and over that, skinship, car sharing etc are all not in any way indicative of a romantic relationship, not to me anyway. And honestly, if you can't tell between Jikook as friends and jikook as a couple- do you even deserve rights? Consider your delulu membership revoked. Lol

And if you aren't observant, shy away from angst, see them as a fantasy rather than actual human beings in an actual romantic relationship- subject to change, subject to growth, susceptible to temptations; if you mistake things that make them friends for things that make them a couple you would not spot their break ups when they happen. Or worse, you'd dismiss and overlook them when they do happen.

Deadass, you could be very much looking at the end of Jikook but still screaming power couple extraordinaire-

Isn't that where we are with Taekook? People mistaking all the things that make them friends for a romantic couple?

People dismissing all the questionable moments that's happened between them over the years- like Tae saying he couldn't even tell JK had been given a mission to ignore him because Jk ignores him anyway behind cameras, Tae's passive aggressiveness towards JK like in the VLive he exposed Jikook, the missing birthday wishes on Twitter etc- and not reflecting on them enough to critically examine their impact and what it says of the state and nature of their relationship?

Taekook in the Soop is an indictment of the shipping community. But I am not here to police anyone's delusions- freedom of belief, speech and all that jazz.

What I am here to do today, my dear delulu colleagues, is to examine Taekook in the soop and share my thoughts on the infamous conversation they had in that episode.

I will also be pointing out a few observations I made about Jikook in that episode that I feel will help shed more lights on the current dynamics between Jikook which further proofs Jikook is real.

TAEKOOK IN THE SOOP

Taekook's conversation in Soop 06 is shaping out to be one of the most controversial moments in the history of BTS ships.

To some it was a doze of reality, a game changer, if you will and had some people questioning their sanity while others jumped off the Taekook bandwagon all together.

But some die hard fans of the ship were quick to come up with a theory to explain away what had transpired that night as big bad BigHit curating that entire scene in order to bamboozle them and absolve themselves of all guilt for having previously separated Taekook and forced them to hide their relationship- scammers never die. Lol

Why would Taekook have that conversation on camera if it was that serious, they ask.

If they aren't close why did JK put his hands around Tae here? Why did he look at Tae there? They fist bumped in the background of this MV, surely they are a couple- y'all know how I feel about skinship being used as a determinant of romantic relationships so I'm just gonna roll my eyes here and keep it pushing-

This is what happens when you whimsically and randamly label a ship as real without due diligence, without conducting the necessary tests that allows you to reasonably assume that that ship is or could be real.

A ship is not real until it's breached the fourth way into alternative shipping and I'm sorry, Taekook has not breached that fourth wall. No other ship in BTS has breached that wall except Jikook. I have explained this over and over again.

How can Taekook breach the fourth wall when half of the moments, half of the content needed to establish it's piercing moment exists in the imagination of people?

By claiming BigHit hides, and cuts Taekook moments or any other ships moment, by claiming Taekook's interactions are mostly off camera, these shippers are shooting themselves in the foot and fooling no one.

Because what they are indirectly saying basically is there aren't enough moments to analyze upon whose findings we can draw such conclusions that Taekook is real.

I have a hard time believing Jesus is real and I'm a Christian. You think I'm about to buy that Taekook is real, based on faith??? Y'all tripping.

And no. The skinship don't count either. I mean people were running around the corners of the internet swearing up and down Jimin and Mina were dating based on their skinship until it was revealed Jimin had been abusing Mina all those years.

Skinship is performative and not a reflection of true intimacy or true bond.

That being said, yes I see Taekook's relationship. I see their dynamics. They are beautiful and as a multishipper- I really dig their bond. I do.

I have called them the evil power duo of BTS. I have said they don't have much intimate interactions between them on camera but when they activate their evil powers, lord do they set my insides on fire.

WHY FILM THAT BIT ON CAMERA?

For quality entertainment purposes. Lol.

Soop is a quasi self produced production by BTS. As such they themselves created the content, concept, decided where they were going to be, what they were going to do at what time and most importantly who they were going to be with or hang out with.

Everything was pre determined by BTS and the schedule was presented to BigHit- the camera crew and staff, beforehand so the staff knew where to place cameras, what equipment they were going to use and what props they are going to have to provide for BTS for effective filming.

Unlike run or Bon V where BTS have little creative control, BTS played a major role in the production of SOOP. So if that bit was staged then it wasn't staged by BigHit, but by BTS themselves- including Tae and JK.

I explained in my previous post, how I felt Soop is business but also BigHit's way of shutting BTS in a room and forcing them to settle whatever differences had crept up between them that had been affecting the dynamics of the group and threatening the longevity of their group around that period.

I said it was no different from Rookie King where they had an episode where BTS was allowed to shout their grievances off the top of a roof to foster unity among the members.

It's also no different from the missions they've are given from time to time or the love letters they have been asked to write to eachother. The objective of such projects have always been to bring the members closer, to build intimacy and to foster unity amongst them. Soop follows suit.

What's of interest to me and what you should be pondering over is what had led them all- BTS and BigHit, to embark on a project of this nature this time around.

BigHit is a business and can only stay on top of the game for so long if BTS is in the game. Them disbanding impromptu due to petty conflicts and misunderstandings amongst them will be a huge loss to BigHit.

And if you think petty issues aren't enough to bring down their empire- you are in the wrong delulu industry. Lol.

Kpop is wrought with stories of these nature. There are a lot of bands that debuted with and around the time of BTS's debut that are disbanded now due to the least misunderstandings- google it. I dare you to.

BTS do have issues from time to time that does threaten their band. How often have we heard them talk about almost disbanding? Remember 2018? Remember when JK cried because Hobi almost left the group? Remember when JK almost left the group to pursue a career in dancing?

The Kpop industry is hectic and brutal and bands within this sphere are fragile. it's easy to jump ship than to keep sailing. I mean, there's a reason Korean interviewers keep asking BTS their secret to staying together and for this long.

As RM puts it in the recent KBS interview, they are seven boys from different backgrounds in the same boat headed in different directions. That can create a lot of clashes here and there. So when tensions arise that they can help it, they take initiatives like Soop to help nip it and replenish their bond.

They don't allow issues to fester on to the point they want to go their separate ways. BigHit loves this about them and encourages that among them.

Do y'all see why I side eye people who claim BigHit is not happy with any pair within the group because they are real and wants to hide and suppress them?

Left to BigHit alone, BTS would be in one big happy gay polyamorous relationship with eachother if that meant the success and longevity of their business- they are depending on it. They would rather BTS keep the love in the barn than spread it elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

How are BTS portrayed in Tiny Tan? The bond you see in that animation is not just a reflection of BTS's actual bond but also a reflection of BigHits vision of their bond.

Jimin is portrayed as that hyung who is always watching over JK because he loves him so much. Tae is also portrayed as the one hyung who will dive to save JK. Tiny Tan is BigHit's ideal intimacy goal for the boys.

Again, BT21, how are their friendships portrayed in there?

It's absurd thus to think, believe or even assume that if there is an actual real intimate relationship between any of the boys, that Bighit's objective would be to hide and suppress it or even to kill it.

BTS's intimacy is a currency BigHit transacts with. But that doesn't mean BTS doesn't bank on it too. They are proud of their bond, often flaunt it. They know it makes them stand out of the lot and it's what has led to them staying together for this long in the business. They have a pretty strong bond.

They wouldn't have agreed to do this project Soop if they didn't want to or didn't think they needed it. They really love eachother as a team, as a band; they love working together and care about their careers unlike other bands we know. Cough, cough.

They are the blueprint and they know it. The last thing they want is for something as trivial as a misunderstanding to break them apart- Hobi said in his recent YouTube live how BE is their voice and an expression of their feelings and I can't wait to hear all the songs on the Album to understand what they've been through these past few months.

If building intimacy is the objective of Soop, then conversations like that of Taekook really shouldn't be shocking. It's to be expected.

If they felt the need to talk it's because they felt they was something they both needed to get off their chest.

Is a content of that nature good for ratings? Absolutely. Does that mean they performed it? No. Not at all.

It's similar to what Jimin did with JK in Rookie King in order to get closer to each other. They were friends. You think he couldn't have just approached JK off camera and told him how his actions hurt him?

How often have we heard RM or Tae ask if the cameras were they to capture a moment where the members have claimed to have cried and consoled each other?

See this is why people think Jikook is fake. They just don't understand that these boys choose to share certain intimate moments with the us out of love, out of a need to connect and have people share in their moments.

It's no different from BTS filming themselves screaming when they heard of that BB news. They share their joy, their pain and their conflicts with us as a way to connect with us.

How often have we wished the VMin dumpling fight was recorded, or that the rain fight was recorded? But when such similar moment is recorded y'all want to question the intention behind it.

Besides, having conversations like these on camera is the perfect cover for them to be vulnerable with eachother without feeling too vulnerable or feel like they are exposing themselves too much.

It's similar to how people choose to text or be vulnerable with others through letters and texts rather than in person. Its the fear of vulnerability. Being vulnerable like that in person can be extremely scary for them too. They are human too and sometimes they find their confidence and their voice when they turn on the cameras.

It's ridiculous to think a moment is staged simply because it is or feels like an intimate moment- Y'all claim BigHit hides Taekook's intimate moments and when they show it to us and it's fake? Chileeee!

If that moment was staged, then Jin apologising to Tae after their fight is fake, the fight itself was staged, V's letters were staged, V crying when reading those letters was staged- y'all see where I'm going with this?

None of it was real and we've all been bamboozled- Let's pack our bags!

Seriously though, we can't sit behind our screens and pick and choose which content is real and which is not simply because it doesn't align with our delusional theories. It doesn't work that way.

Especially not when everything we see is captured by the same lenses, edited by the same people and distributed by the same company.

Besides, Tae said the reason he did that was just to spend time with JK- which was the objective of Soop, wasn't it? For all of them to spend time together and bond?

How then is Taekook bonding by having a meal together any different from Hobi spending time with NamJoon in the mountains? Or Tae riding around the country side with Hobi? Or RM and Kook painting?

I'm yet to figure out the sequence that the entire project was shot in as I still haven't seen the full episodes. But I'll bet if there were any Taekook bonding moments, they were shot after their heart to heart moment, not before it. Tae wouldn't have been shy to invite JK had it been so. But who knows, I could be wrong.

TAEKOOK vs JIKOOK DYNAMICS

On Taekook's dynamics, I stated during our discussion on their love language that I don't see Taekook as emotionally compatible or emotionally dependent on each other even much less that they speak each other's love languages. They don't.

It's no secret Taekook have always lacked a certain level of mutual emotional dependency and vulnerability within their dynamics. To me anyways.

Rarely would you see them being emotionally vulnerable with eachother the way Tae is with Jimin or Jk is with JM. The only time I have seen them close to being emotionally vulnerable with eachother was at an award show when Tae cried and JK comforted him. But even that felt impersonal-

again the thigh slapping, cheek squishing, pegs on the cheeks, cuddling in bed etc doesn't count. That's skinship and you know how I feel about skinship or what I think of it.

When I say emotional vulnerability and dependency, I'm talking about instances such as when Tae said he missed Jimin, when he had to drag Jk away so he could ride with Jimin, all the things he said about Jimin in his letters, the way he talks about Jimin in his solo Vlives, writing songs inspired by Jimin, when he said Jimin was the one member who had been there for him during his grandmother's passing etc.

Jk expresses his emotional dependency on Jimin through his actions more so than his words- that need he has to constantly be around Jimin. You see this in moments where he subconsciously finds his way to Jimin like the 2018 comeback VLIVE where he and jimin were put in separate teams but after picking their groups mission he headed for Jimin's team instead of his.

You see this in the way he talks about Jimin when Jimin is not around. He would find a way to chip Jimin into any conversation- I dare you; Talk about heaven and it would remind him of Angel Jimin, talk about hell and he will burst out laughing because of Jimin's devil may care attitude that one time.

You see it in moments when he sulks and yap, whines and complains in a submissive tone when he interacts with Jimin at certain times.

Like when he talked about Jimin not waking him up in that interview, or even the New Jersey Live where he whined and pouted like a broke hearted seven year old and Jimin ended up doing- whatever that was to placate him... that VLIVE still makes me uncomfortable to watch to this day.

You just don't see that level of emotional attachment in Taekook. Their interactions are just that- interactions. Frankly, this moment in Soop is the only meaningful conversation I've heard between them in years.

It is this lack of emotional intimacy between Taekook that disqualifies them from being anywhere near real in my books.

While I acknowledge this lack of emotion amongst them, I wouldn't go as far as to say there's been a cataclysmic decline of their bond or friendship. They are still very much friends, just not intimate friends. Skinship wise, sure. But there is no depth to skinship as I've said.

So if skinship isn't what binds them, what does? Personality, for starters. And I know JK saying he and Tae had different personalities sounded confusing to most.

Jk had called Tae his commonality- this Festa was it? He's described Tae in his profiles over years and in recent times as someone he shares the most personality traits with within the group. He is not wrong.

Personally, I see him as very similar to Tae, Suga and RM in different aspects of their personalities.

I think what he meant by his statement about Tae becoming reserved since their trainee days was that he doesn't find Tae relatable.

You can share the same personality trait with people and still not find them relatable. And I contrast this with his interview with Jimin where JM said he and JK were similar in that they are both sleepy heads and hate to lose.

Jk quickly noted that they both were studying Japanese as well. He acknowledged the similarities between him and Jimin here also. Does it mean he found Jimin relatable?

No.

Jimin said after they both acknowledged their similarities that in spite of this Jungkook didn't seem to like him. Clearly. he too like Tae was feeling a barrier in his relationship with JK.

Jk futher admitted he liked Jimin. So if he liked Jimin and had a lot in common with him what was the problem? Relatability. Jk could relate to JM just as he feels he can't relate with Tae now.

In that interview he described how JM was pretty serious minded who liked to focus on one thing at a time- a trait he said was different and as such perhaps he couldn't relate with.

Isn't it the same song he is singing about Tae now? That Tae is reserved and too serious like Jimin was?

The difference between Tae and Jimin is, over the years and especially in recent times the members have talked about how Jimin seems less serious behind camera. Suga even went ahead to give him an award for this- lol, Suga.

Jimin has changed over the years. He's become more goofy and to JK- more relatable.

Have we all not seen Tae gradually close himself off within the group dynamics? How is it hard to see that that could be something that's impacted his dynamics with JK?

I've already mentioned how Tae has been through a lot trauma enough to shut him off emotionally to anyone but Jimin.

Seeing his two besties coupled up too mustn't be easy either. Exclusivity is one of JK's values and love wants. Jimin's love language dictates you treat him exclusively, differently from others- while this is complementary for them, it very much often leaves them with a tendency for to isolate and exclude others- how do you feel watching them from home? Think that but twice Tae and these other members.

That exclusivity Jikook exudes can make anyone emotionally dependent and attached to any one of them feel left out. And for Tae, I see how he would then want JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin perhaps. He didn't want to feel left out. Similar to how I said Jimin partaked in the culture of the group in early days because he didn't want to feel like the outsider being the last to join the group.

Jikook's exclusivity tendencies have a way to make him feel further isolated and disconnected from the group.

What it then comes down to between Taekook is the difference in their values and their understanding of intimacy. I think.

I have said, JK is one person emotionally closed off within the group. He used to be physically closed of too and took a minute for him to come to terms with even skinship.

These boys may be from the same cultural backgrounds but they have different beliefs and values and upbringing.

I explained how JK had had to suppress himself, his values and his beliefs especially in the early days in order to be the Maknae of the group and how he's been on a journey to slowly yet drastically grow out of that role and image.

I have explained that even though he does not have a problem with Skinship, he believes couples aren't supposed to cross certain boundaries with others which I said is what jeonlous is mostly about.

So when he said during that conversation, he preferred to keep a certain level of distance from people because he felt that level of proximity could end up ruining relationships, I understood perfectly what he meant. I have always suspected and speculated that about him.

No one BangPD script writer-nim put that in his mouth.

Tae is the opposite of JK in that regard. While Jk is emotionally closed off, Tae is emotionally lose and latches on to people quite easily- aka his attachment to Jimin.

He is among the members of BTS who I think lack emotional boundaries in the group.

Being emotionally close to people and receiving that emotional nourishment is one of Tae's love languages as I've explained in the past. And so I smiled when I heard him talk about how he wanted to feel loved by Army.

Tae lowkey has an anxious insecure attachment style brought upon him by no fault of his in my opinion and I've always felt a similarity between his and jimin's attachment styles in that sense- that constant need for reassurance for one.

While I feel Jimin's anxiousness and need for reassurance is often performative and as such is often exaggerated as part of his idol persona- Jimin does not in reality need reassurace of love from his love interest.

He may appear clingy to some and a bit insecure about his looks, but he doesn't trade his looks for love.

His looks I feel are important to him as long as his career goes. And he tries to look a certain way and obsesses about the way he looks because his looks is a means to longevity and fruitfulness of his career.

His love language is more towards wanting certainty and stability and making him feel like he is the only one.

On the other hand, Tae's need for reassurance sits at the core of him. I don't think it is an exaggeration or a persona at all. In my opinion.

His need for reassurance is born out of an innate fear of losing a connection, a fear of not being loved and a fear of losing love- not to psychoanalyze him or anything. It's just theory.

I've said Tae strikes me as a very melancholic person.

Remember when he faked being an Army to see if an Army was a Solo stan who just loved one member or him also as well- that bit was unsettling and uncalled for. Then during his conversation with JK he talked about how he needed that constant reassurance of love from Army- y'all still think he boo-ed up in there? Alright then.

Loneliness is a bitch. And I understand how he would be driven by an emotional void to connect and attach to people. He really was attached to his Grandmother and having a love connection like that yanked away from him without warning, without proper closure can leave a void behind.

So I see often while he craves to connect he often self sabotages that connection- he does this with Jimin at times, boy can he work Jimin's nerves!

It takes a big heart and a lot of patience to love a person of this nature- and there's only one Jimin in that VMinKook dynamics.

Jk is not good at emotions, can barely work his way through his own much less nurture someone with complex emotions such as that of Tae.

Tae has been working through a lot. Trying to be better. Taekook is just a casualty of Jikook...

I keep saying these boys are human and ought to be viewed, thought of and treated as such. If you want to ship them as characters within the Kpop verse then do that. But don't breach the fourth wall and still think of them as fictional beings.

If any ship is real, then their real lives are bound to affect their dynamics, their desires and influence their needs. It's crazy to turn a blind eye to all of that while uWu-ing your ass off at every cute moment edited and shared to you.

Comparing Tae to JK, JK to me barely expresses a need for emotional attachment to anyone. He is similar to Suga in that sense. It's easier to see who he is emotionally attached to and attracted to than to see his overt expressions emotions.

When you look at all seven you see who JK is emotionally attached to based on how he act around and towards that person. He shows, he doesn't tell. In my opinion.

Tae asking JK to treat him as a friend rather than as a hyung thus to me was his way of asking to JK to connect emotionally. That doesn't mean they weren't close. They were, just not as close as Tae wanted to be.

This is what I meant when I said both him and jimin had tried to break down JK's walls in their early dynamics around debut.

Jimin's approach was to breach JK's physical boundaries but in so doing he had accidentally breached Jk's emotional walls as I've explained in previous posts.

I stated how I felt, perhaps, JM coveted that physical connection between Tae and JK at the time he joined BTS, but it's occurring to me Tae equally perhaps coveted Jikooks emotional connection; asking JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin?

Now I don't know if that conversation was had before Jimin joined BTS or after so I won't push it.

Regardless, it seems JK putting up those emotional walls with him had led to Tar harboring resentments towards JK- typical of people with passive aggressive tendencies.

Sort of explains all those weird TaegiKook dynamics in the early days of Tae trying so hard to do things to make JK jealous- Do y'all see why I disregard anything that happened between all the members before 2016?

I feel because Tae was young at the time, he didn't have the emotional maturity at the time to deal with a situation like that and coupled with his passive aggressive personality, resentment was bound to build up between them.

This resentment showed itself through his passive aggressive attitudes towards JK- Jimin wants to come, JK is stopping him, then that slight head tilt. Oh, you were given a mission to ignore me? I didn't notice, you ignore me off cam anyway followed by that attitude whatever it was.

In turn, I feel JK along the way started to build similar resentments towards Tae too as response to Tae's coldness and I see how to him Tae would be the problem- to him Tae is the one who had changed and grown distant, reserved in their dynamic- unrelatable.

I feel JK's grudge against Tae leading up to Soop however was because he felt his partner in crime had stabbed him in the back- get out of your imagination. That's not what I'm referring to. Lol. I'll explain in a bit.

But yes, this resentment I feel they were both harboring could probably had further complicated their dynamic and got in their way of achieving true intimacy beyond the skinship- when I tell you skinship is not an indication of intimacy.

You could see this in the way they both were very defensive in their conversation. Whatever had happened, JK had extended an olive branch to have Tae to sit and have drinks with him but Tae had brushed it off.

After this, he's shy to approach Jk to ask him to have a meal with him- Where did it all go wrong, they asked- twelve year olds, that's what they are. Lol.

There was a certain degree of lack of vulnerability in the way they expressed themselves with each other especially on JK's part which I feel leads people to conclude that their conversation was somewhat coerced- It wasn't in my opinion.

I have explained when I was talking about their love languages how I feel Tae in general is very headstrong, almost as strong headed as JK which I feel it's one of the things that gets in their way of achieving true intimacy and I feel that is what we were seeing in that moment during conversation.

I've explained intimacy, true intimacy requires a crucification of pride and a sacrifice of ego without which any intimacy would be superficial. I used VMin's dumpling fight as an example, where I said it took 2 days to two weeks for them to resolve their issue because they were both being strong headed.

It took Jimin's vulnerability and a sacrifice of his ego to reach through to Tae and even that took how long? And this is Jimin, the half blood Hufflepuff, president of the kumbaya fanclub we're talking about-

Y'all think Mr. Let it burn, I'll rather be dead than cool is about to let shit go? - Get some education. It's not in his vocabulary. It's not in either of them's vocabulary. Lol.

While I see these two as both unwilling to bow and submit to eachother, I've see them willfully submit emotionally to Jimin. Where they both fail to be vulnerable with eachother they both eagerly let themselves be vulnerable in this way with Jimin.

So it's not as if they are incapable of being vulnerable with eachother. If Tae's narration of his offer of friendship to JK is anything to go by, it seems he at one point was willing to take the steps to build that level of intimacy needed for their friendship to thrive but JK had barred him.

Tae in wanting to be close with JK the way he(Tae) is close with JM spoke volumes about Vmin dynamics as well. It tell me he doesn't see his bond with Jimin as exclusive. Special, but not exclusive- and we know how both Jimin and JK feel about exclusivity.

Which brings me to JK's perception about VMin.

I don't think JK see's Vmin's friendship as problematic. He just see's their lack of emotional boundaries as problematic and so often you see him try to put up boundaries for Jimin in their dynamic.

To Tae emotional connection is important and an indication of intimacy. That's his love language, that's his value. But how is JK going to open himself up like that to Tae when he sees what Tae and JM have as problematic? When he values and believes emotional connection has to be reserved for an intimate partner?

As explained earlier, exclusivity is a huge deal to JK.

He believes somethings ought to be reserved and exclusive to love relationships. He believed it then, he believes it now and he has consistently lived that belief through his actions throughout the years.

And if this is his values, then imagine his frustration at seeing people cross all sorts of boundaries with his man everywhere he turns- its enough to give anyone a complex, seriously.

When Tae explained that JK refusing to treat him casually as a friend was part of the reason they couldn't be as intimate, JK was quick to point out why he made that decision all those years and from the looks of it he ain't changing his mind anytime soon.

Dude literally said- I said what I said.

JK believes to make his intimate relationship special and to protect the sanctity of it, he ought to put up walls not further indulge in and perpetuate the lack of emotional boundaries within the group.

In this regard, Taekook is a casualty of Jikook, nothing personal. I've said, a real relationship involving JK or Jimin within the group is mutually exclusive to any other ship involving those two. As such all those other ships involving those two are bound to be casualties of Jikook.

In as much as BTS have thrived as a group on the lack of boundaries between them, this lack of boundaries was also ruining some of the members' joy especially JK who believes a certain level of boundary is necessary for a healthy relationship- Soop was very much neccessary.

And I see some Jikookers are claiming, Taekook settled their differences and had that conversation perhaps for Jimin's sake? Chileee- it makes sense if you are looking at things in isolation? But...

I mean Jikook have been dating a long time- six years now, for Taekook to be only now considering the effect of their dynamics on Jimin. If Jimin is whom they were concerned about they would have nipped it in the bud a long time ago especially around the time Jimin was having a tough time in his life. In my opinion.

I acknowledge the role Jimin played in bringing those two together and even believe he is the one that influenced them to take the initiatives they both took separately but no. I don't think they did this for Jimin. They did this for themselves first of all and for the sake of the sake of their careers, and the group.

[Image below. Check end of post if it's missing. Tumblr, Sigh]

I know some people have theorized that JK posted this on Weverse after his live because he was eager to do his next live with Jimin- true, but not only that.

The tension in that live was there but it wasn't there because he was uncomfortable with Tae per se. He has had a live with Tae in the past, has filmed with staff around and so Jeon Jungkook really had no excuse now did he?

Then the shade he threw, I shouldn't try to make anything next time- then proceeds to make gimbap with Jimin in their live while cheesing through it.

I feel his statement about making things was a Jab at BigHit. I told you previously how I felt he didn't want to do the live. That neither he nor Tar wanted to do the live hence BigHit's results to coercion. In my opinion.

BigHit at the time, it seems, was making them do these weird PG13 arts and craft thingy during their heavily monitored lives- it was weird as fuck especially for the audience that have grown used their VLives being a way for them to have intimate moments and conversations with BTS- I dipped out of most of those VLives. Deuces.

Homeboy was protesting because he just wanted to, first of all, have a Vlive alone with Jimin because they hadn't had one in a while- he deadass wanted to sit and stare into JM's soul while the rest of us watched on in silent discomfort and miserable loneliness while we thirdwheeled- This man, I swear to God!

But he also wanted to fight for their right to as a group to do whatever they wanted with little control and interference from BigHit- Independence really is recurring theme in JK's dramas. Lol.

After JK posted those rebellious tweets to out BigHit, Tae followed those tweets with a tweet akin to hold your peace followed by the shush emoji.

On its own it doesn't mean much. But read together with JK's post and the background I've given, it takes on a whole new meaning.

This moment to me was one of those evil twin power activation moments. Tae seemed to be with JK on that, in his own passive aggressive manner.

I talked about how social media was one of the tools they use to fight back against BigHit. Especially, by withholding their presence on social media platforms.

The company needs them to be online, interacting with fans and growing their fanbase. I hear some Idols, not BTs, are allegedly forced to appear on VLives even and social media even.

Yet BTS do that pro bono. So when they feel the company is tripping they exercise their rights to remain off the internet.

So imagine my surprise when Tae was suddenly popping up on Weverse, Vlive, YouTube live left right left!

I was surprised not because it was unusual of him, but because I felt that was contrary to the move he had made in support of JK earlier.

Do I think it is probably one of the immediate causes of the heat between Taekook that they needed to address? Probably.

I mean why else would Tae bring up him spending so much time online in his conversation with JK? How is that a way to bond with JK? Unless, perhaps JK had been pissed he did that and so Tae felt he needed to explain why he did that? Don't mind me. I'm delusional- but deadass.

Now a chunk of that conversation was voiced over so we will never know everything about that moment. And I hope, in the future they both talk about this and give us more details about this.

Both Jk and Tae have had issues with BigHit in the past and when they do they aren't afraid to come at BigHit with direct or passive aggressiveness.

Did y'all see ILand? How Tae took a jab at Bang PD over chicken breasts? How in Rookie King he expressed his resentment at BangPD for not knowing his name?

They are both expressive, assertive and less of a pushover in that way, I feel. They will put up the you can force the horse to the river side but can't force it to drink attitude if pushed against their will.

OTHER THINGS I NOTICED IN SOOP

I mentioned in my previous post how Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother.

By that I meant, JK has been pushing JM to put up boundaries, treat their relationship with the same level of seriousness he does and not act like an ass kisser within the group all the time- bless him.

Jk used to be that guy who tried to please everyone. He would sacrifice his own happiness if that meant the happiness and harmony of the group. He is very Kumbaya in that way.

While this is noble, often he ended up stepping on JK's happiness because sacrificing his happiness is sacrificing Jk's happiness.

Him being the decision maker in their dynamics, that often means he ends up sacrificing JK's happiness without JK's permission.

To JK, JM would always come first. But Jimin is a bit of a people pleaser. He would consider the effect putting JK first would have on the group before placing him first- lately that has changed.

I feel Jk has been pushing him to careless about people's opinions of him and their relationship- please listen to the lyrics of GCF Helsinki to see what I mean especially whenever Jimin comes on the screen for the longest bar.

Just as much as JK has been pushing JM, JM has equally been pushing JK to be mindful of his possessiveness. While I see Jimin as someone who likes to belong, I don't think he wants to be owned.

So you see him pushing Jk to be social, to spend time with others- fix his issues with Tae for example, read books etc.

I hinted at this dynamic when I talked about Jikook shading eachother. Please check it out.

JK's always asserted himself and wanted to assert himself in the group dynamics and he has always expected that of Jimin as well.

It's no surprising then to see Jimin say no to Tae when Tae asked him to go on a car ride with him and Hobi in Soop episode 06. Old Jimin would have run along, no questions asked.

Jikook have changed. Their relationship dynamic has changed, their individual personalities have changed- are changing and they are changing eachother as well.

It explains why to JK Jimin feels more relatable as we've talked about above. They are changing but are also changing for eachother.

Some of these changes are glaringly obvious, others are subtle and easy to miss if you blink.

For example, Vmin's interaction mentioned above. Notice how Jimin is the outdoor kind of guy but in this instance he chose to stay indoors? Outdoors activities are his thing, indoors activities are JK's thing.

Do you see how Jk is influencing him?

He not only chose the indoors, he also chose an indoors activity that had JK written all over. How should I put this, painting, craft, drawing- those are ravenclaw traits not halfbood hufflepuffs' traits. Know what I mean?

True, Jimin loves these activities too but when you think of him traveling all over the world during their vacation- something I said was a cause of misunderstanding between them in August last year, you'd understand what I mean by JK asserting himself against Jimin.

They are compromising, they are negotiating, they are each embracing aspects of their personalities and accommodating it- you call it domesticity, I call it the aftermath of a trail period in Jikook's journey.

There are a lot other observations I made but this is all the length Tumblr can permit. Love Jikook and Support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[praphit]

J & The BM: I AM a revolutionary!

"I AM A REVOLUTIONARY!"

Say that with me " I AM a revolutionary!"

Again!

"I AM a revolutionary!"

Look in the mirror and say "I AM a revolutionary!" Look at your family and pets and shout " I AM a revolutionary!"

Facetime your boss, give them double middle fingers and shout - "I AM a revolutionary!"

Now, open your window and put one fist in the air, and stare down strangers as they walk by.

Feels good, right?

“Judas and the Black Messiah”

I loved the trailer for this movie; it got me hyped! But, I wasn't sure if I was going to watch it.

I don't usually go for movies when I already know what's going to happen in them.

It's why I don't typically like RomComs. Same formula:

Some character who's goofy, awkward, or an asshole ends up with (after some embarrassing moments, some lol moments, and cheesy pop music) someone who is way too good for them.

Now, some might say "What about those comic book movies that you like?! They have a formula?" Yeah, but... they're better:) Plus, sure, I may know that... for example Thanos is going to lose to The Avengers in the end, but I don't know how. I couldn't have foreseen Thor's sad, fat ass

 (of which I demand a series with that title on Disney+). 

Or that a rat would be the true hero.

 Or who they'd kill off.

It didn't have to be Tony Stark. War Machine could have made the same snapping sacrifice. Or had that sacrifice pushed on him :) What if they killed Don Cheadle (the only black dude they had left around)? 

I can imagine Tony saying "I think the gauntlet will only work if you're Thanos or... if you're black. I wish I could be the one, man, but... *as he hands the gauntlet to Don Cheadle*

DC: "This is bullshit."

This "Judas and the Black Messiah" film is not only spoiled by history, but by the title.

I wonder which name has been ruined more - Judas? or Karen?

But, here we are:

Daniel Kaluuya (who is quickly becoming one of my fav actors) plays Fred Hampton (our "Black Messiah").

He is doing an exceptional job leading the Black Panthers as they support and fight for their community.

Black people are congregating, organized, educated, empowered, able to defend themselves, and smiling - this of course makes the old white dudes in the government constipated.

SO, agent Roy Mitchell (played by the ever-creepy-lookin Jesse Plemons) 

gets involved - he "hires" (well, it’s more of a “be the movie's Judas or go to prison” type of a deal)  William O-Neal (played by LaKeith Stanfield) 

to infiltrate the Black Panthers, get close to Freddy, and help take them down.

The acting in this of course is good. But, I love that you get to see complete people from all of the sides:

Fred Hampton here is an impressive leader, but we also see him in relationships, we see him angry, scared, we see his process and vision. Some may view the Panthers as too militant, but that's not all that they are; they're not just members here fighting for the cause.

We see how William O'Neal ends up being Judas. 

Btw, his nickname in "Wild Bill". I'm sorry, but I ain't having nobody in MY crew nicknamed "Wild Bill"; just seems kinda stupid to me. You don't want a loose cannon in your squad, do you??

Kinda like when The X-Men let Logan (who's two codenames are "Wolverine" and "Weapon X" AND who has a history of murder) join the group, and are surprised when he starts acting crazy violent. 

You can't just have murderers running around loose - this ain't the NFL.

We even get agent Roy's perspective on things. Granted, he's still a piece of shit. I don't know who's the bigger piece of shit - him or Wild Bill, but I like that they show us multiple sides of the situations.

Despite all of this, I found the movie to be kinda boring. I feel a lil bad that a movie such as this bored me a lil bit, but... I ain't lying. Good movie though. I just needed a lil more spice, and probably a lil less running time.

That's the problem with historical movies; there's too much pressure to stick to what really happened.

I had a similar problem with "The Passion of the Christ" :) As a Christian, I can appreciate what they were doing in the movie, but... would it have killed them to have Jesus shoot a lil lightning from his fingertips? Maybe he's finally had enough, comes down from the cross, and zaps the Roman soldiers Raiden style.

He could still go back to the cross for salvation action, but we're making a movie here!

All I'm saying is maybe give Fred some super powers. Maybe he raises his fist, and it glows gold. Maybe as long as he keeps his fist up, black people near him and non-black people who are down with the cause gain super human speed and strength. Maybe they use this power to make some heads explode... punch some holes through some people... kick whitey into the sea. They can still find a way for it to end how it ends, but... think outside the box, that's all I'm saying.

Grade: solid B

I also liked how they painted the price paid for striving to be a revolutionary. Too often do we want to be impactful in an area of life without sacrifice; that's not usually how it works. One doesn't usually get to be a revolutionary AND rock a "normal" life. Like my good friend Raiden Jesus once said "count the cost".

[ferie-anon]

Hey Swettie 🙃 I don't know if you take request but, if you did, can I please get astrology ship with ateez/straykids? Im taurus sun, leo moon, pisces sun, aries venus, aquarius mars and taurus mercury. Thank you soo much and have a wonderful day💛

(Top right picture: "I’ll love the genuine things, the truth, the real feelings, and myself" )

Hiii, first I’ll do Ateez since currently two ships request in one ask is a bit much for me. Here’s your analysis of your placements~ (You can request for straykids when I reopen my ship asks if you want) Okay so you have taurus sun with pisces moon and leo rising after clarification of your placements, and wow can i just say u must be quite the lovable pretty human being 🥺. Taurus sun you are grounded and there is an inherent desire for productivity or routinely manner when you implement your efforts such as your blog managing for example, I notice you consistently or do a bundle or a bunch of asks for the moodboards and then post them all at the same time or in a frequent but not everyday manner. Your work ethic is quite admirable and it also partially stems from your leo rising, these natives with this placement are quite active with their individual interests and opinions/goals, working silently hard or loyal towards their objective. And then your pisces moon allows you to be able to interpret emotions and feelings in different ways, the tangible and untangible. It also makes sense how well put your moodboards are and how accurate they are with the embodied moods :3. Your pisces moon is able to discern these emotions or vibes and they can channel this at time in numerous ways, creatively, to help others in a therapeutic way, and etc. Aslo with your placements general, you may be friendly or very down-to earth to others, empathic (like an empathic listener for example) and friendly but also have quite solid self individuality and well balanced management of your personal and other needs. But I only got to half of your placements 💖✨ I’ll talk about your taurus mercury and aries venus now.

Woah see here is where your individuality could be more heightened. With taurus mercury, you are not afraid to say your honest opinions, rather it would be better or the only option to hear the truth or genuine thoughts than shield with only pretentious superficial words of comforts, ofc you genuinely want the best for ur loved ones and all, and comfort and support is natural, however filtering the reality from your friend is only going to hurt them than rather benefit them so. You’re quite blunt but in a subtle way, its not like you want to let others know you are a blunt and honest person before convo, but simply they realized this fact afterwards. Your aries venus is also quite bold or affectionate, your physical expression of love or care for friends and partner/family etc is warm and obvious to them. These natives with their venus in aries can get their emotions quite strongly at times to their important ones, you sorta give me a love warrior goddess sorta vibe but more controlled/calm. You love with sincerity and passion, but also try to not lose yourself for others. You have aquarius mars oooh, you strive for new and mental stimulating ideas or topics that you are interested in, this could range from hobbies or crafts that involve your interests. Your aquarius mars can be quite fixated as the sign aquarius is also a fixed sign (the modality is a fixed sign) so you may consistently work in your field of interests, but sometimes you try not to put heavy pressure on yourself too much to reach your goals as your motivations are consistent but you aren’t rushing yourself too much, preferring to work at ur own pace becuz u will get there~

In Ateez... your match is san!

Omgg san has a cancer sun with taurus moon, he has water and earth in his sun and moon similar to yours, and with him having the same sign in his moon as your sun (Taurus). There is an immediate emotional understanding, and easier opening up to each other. Idk why but San and you have such similar dynamics, you both would be the warmest and down to earth chaotic pair?? San with his cancer sun is always ready to help and pours his heart into everything, his love for his members and fans, and passion when dancing lol. (Satanic san~) Your pisces moon would feel comforted and safe with his cancer sun, as you seek for someone to not judge your emotional vulnerability/sensitivity and San being consoling and having a non-judgemental soothe to him, bingo. You both would have similar beliefs and point of view at times, which would relate to an immediate click. The first time you met each other, it was like two fireflies flickering towards each other. You weren’t close to him at first, but you were aware of his presence from the first encounter, and soon you both planned subtley how to approach each other more often~

Alright a delve at his taurus moon, San is loyal, self-consistent to his ideals and perspectives, and more inclined to familiarity. With his taurus moon, San is always ready to be there for his members, family, and close ones. He is also a bit solidified in his own goals and self views, sometimes not wavering from ofher opinions till he sees proven true. I can say that with your taurus sun, you would appreciate his grounded ways and calm but warm nature. Your pisces moon connects well with his cancer sun, as both are water signs and have a easier time reciprocating and processing emotions. (So San can easily comfort you when you may be feeling down or experiencing emotional turmoil, he may know what to say or do when comforting like hugs or soothing affirmations, it’s everything the opposite of awkwardness) I think San may find your softness and sensitivity cute and understanding, that you can also be an ambitious or strong individual but also have a soft spot.

Next up San has a leo mercury, and here’s where his chaotic energy will be talked about lol. San is obviously the opposite of calmness when he is naturally having fun and interacting with his members by being himself, he is quite creative and a loud eye-catching speaker. (You don’t need to be told twice he’s probs a living speaker in the dorms wildin) San’s way of communicating may be a little different from your taurus mercury, as your placement tones are more focused on maintaining a calm and chill vibe, while San could be too hyper at times. However, your aries venus would definitely appreciate his energetic actions and manner, both having fun engaging activities. Also San’s mercury in leo and your taurus mercury are similar in a sense they both are vocal or stand clear to their opinions and views. You both won’t hesitate to be honest and there will be better mutual trust becuz of this. And despite different perspectives at times, you both may find the other point of view interesting and it may not lead to frequent altercations and more of enlightening banter. 

(This gif summarizes sorta a leo venus being overdramatic of their s/o in a loving manner or complimenting them lol, and its basically san)

And what do we have here, San’s venus is in leo also :> Leo says we meet again~ His way of showing affection can be more physical and expressive, he is definitely proud of his partner/s/o and will shower them with compliments. Venus in leo’s love are genuine and very deep, and with your aries venus (both signs in venus are fire) you definitely love the physical interaction and display of affection from San. Similarly, once close and in a relationship you aren’t shy from showing your love, sometimes you may be flirty or surprise-hug (or other skinship) San. Dates will be fun and probably have high-tension like you both are clearly enjoying the time together (ngl it might seem obvious to others in the same location as your date that you two are rlly lovey-dovey with each other) That being said you both always lift each other up, whether in terms of mood or personal feelings like insecurity at times or nervousness, you two could be each others number one supporter. His leo venus (and his mercury in leo) are opposite to your aquarius mars so there may be conflict or a clash between differing actions/methods and beliefs, but nonetheless you both end up learning from a wider point of view with each other and find the differences intriguing. (Also notably his leo venus and mercury is conjunct to your leo ascendant, so an instant chemistry or attraction mentally and physically is apparent :3)

Lastly, San’s mars is in scorpio. His scorpio mars is opposite to your taurus sun and taurus mercury (scorpio and taurus are sister signs aka opposing signs), but in this case this could further his interest and a spark between you two often. The first impression was impactful to him, and he may be more initiative to getting closer or being in your presence in general. His scorpio mars is quite devotive, in terms of personal goals and passions, and important things he considers in his life (aka his partner, friends, family, etc). Your aquarius mars is also pragmatic when needed but due to your natural logical sense, however you tend to be more loose with your scheduling and activeness. However, despite some differences between pace, you both are consistent and stable when you decide on something. His scorpio mars is also passionate, and with your aries venus the energy levels are able to be matched and complemented with the rest of both of your chart placements. 

Overall, with both placements in synastry and analyzation, you both won’t get drained out by each other a lot able to change the direction of interaction between energetic to calm and serious, lighthearted conversations to an inherent empathic awareness during conversations. I was writing this, and I can’t help thinking wow they really match well together. Chemistry platonically and romantically, you both get along rlly well. In this ship pair, you two are the best friends and lover couple, close in general and caring about each other, and did I mention the charismatic ones? I bet yall would be the most openly charming couple .ㅅ.

[the-velveteen-victorian]

Elle can you explain what goth is? Google is really inconsistent and I’m having such a difficult time understanding it. When did you find out you were goth?

Definitely! This is a long response just so you are prepared. =) Goth is a music-based subculture. You are correct… Google is not a good resource for discovering what goth is. Unfortunately, a lot of “goth” guide books aren’t either (I know one of them features a lot of emo bands?). First off, let’s just get out of the way what goth is not. Goth is not emo or metal. Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance, and Pantera are not goth. Goth is not white supremacy. Yes, those of us with naturally pale skin sometimes strive to keep our skin tones light, but goth is a home to people of all skin/hair/eye colors. Anyone who says you can only be a pale, white person is disgusting. Goth is not associated with any religion, philosophy, political inclination, or specific belief system. There are Christian, Hindu, Atheist, New Age, Shinto, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, Green Party, pineapple on pizza, no pineapple on pizza goths. You get my point. =)

Wearing goth fashion does not make someone goth, no matter how great the outfit may be. I (and most goths, elder and younger) define goth as someone who has an intense interest and passion for goth music. That’s it. Sure, most of us will gravitate toward darker aesthetics and like to wear the fashion when we can, but it is absolutely NOT a requirement. That is what google gets so wrong. One of the goth ladies I know spends 80% of her time in scrubs. She loves her job as a nurse practitioner and she has to have a more conservative look while she is working. She can’t wear the fashion more often than a couple times a month. She listens to goth music every day and is super knowledgeable about it. Is she goth? Yes. Conversely, I know a lot of teenagers who are trying to figure out who they are (which is TOTALLY FINE). They actually do a really great job of diy-ing goth looks, but they do not listen to goth music at all. Most of them listen to metal, emo, or country music. Do I consider them goth? No. But I do not judge them for it. Music is about what speaks to you and goth is in no way superior to any other musical taste.

With the rise of “pastel goth” and fashion trends on tumblr/social media, I think a lot of people get misled. This is why it is so important to have some level of contact with the actual goth community. Covid showed us that it is possible to do this online! We can attend online goth nights, get the set lists and analyze goth club music trends from our homes, and have zoom dance sessions! I really love the flexibility and versatility that the pandemic revealed to the goth community… because a lot of goths don’t live in cities with a big goth scene.

How did I discover I was goth? By beautiful accident. =) I was 15, and I struggled to have any level of autonomy or self-expression at all. I grew up in a conservative family (Christian/religious) cult. That rabbit hole runs deep and is a separate story for another time. The point is that I had very limited contact with the outside world apart from my private school, church, and Christian-group violin lessons. However! I received a nano ipod from an extended family member for Christmas one year. I copied a bunch of CD’s from Christian acquaintances at my church and filled the ipod up with the generic contemporary Christian and overstimulating broadway musicals endemic to the culture around me… it was all I had. Then, one day I discovered a goth band. I had no idea they were a goth band. I was obsessed with their sound. I can’t remember which platform I found them on, but I remember I did not have a video with it… so I’m thinking I was on the itunes store. I had chills and for the first time every something felt “right” in the music world for me.

Goth music begets more goth music… Itunes recommended other bands like the one I had found. I only had the money to buy a few albums over the course of a year, but I would retitle the songs and albums as Christian or Disney compilations so that my parents would never suspect what I was listening to (they regularly went through my ipod to make sure I wasn’t listening to anything worldly). One day, I was listening to some of my goth music with another confirmed atheist at my private Christian school and he was like, “OMG I had no idea you were a goth!” I was super confused and was all like, “No, I’m not. I don’t even know what that is…” This guy was a metalhead, but he had a ton of goth friends and he gave me my first thorough education on everything goth. I was 15 at the time, and it was not until nearly 4 years later that I would escape my family and truly come to integrate in the goth community.

Long story short, I started out with the music with no clue about the fashion. I think I was very fortunate in that because it gave me time to develop my musical preferences and tastes without feeling pressured to fit into a tiny little box. Later, when I was free, I did develop a goth wardrobe and (of course) decorated my house in a dark romantic/Victorian style…. But I never felt like those things were vital to who I was as a goth. I’m really thankful for that.

Please understand, that I do not want to erase the incredible goth fashion magicians out there or diminish the hard work someone may put into their personal look or aesthetic. The goth aesthetic is the heartbeat behind the unparalleled, transcendent feeling I have in a goth club or just in my own bedroom. It definitely adds to the experience. All I am saying is that those things alone do not a goth make. I also grew up obsessed with (gothic) Victorian literature... it took me awhile to put 2 and 2 together for that one too lol.

My controversial opinion here is that I do believe that some level of gatekeeping is necessary to keeping goth alive today. Unfortunately, it is an endangered species as subcultures go… this is not because there are not any goths. It is because the mainstream has appropriated it and defined it as fashion ONLY, which then confuses people who go to the surface level of the internet to get answers… which then creates a whole following that erases what goth truly is.

However, I need to explain that when most people refer to gatekeeping, they are talking about bullying. I am defining gatekeeping as providing a definition for the heart of the goth movement and sticking to it. Bullying is never acceptable. Ever. The example I employ a lot utilizes musical genre as an example. Let’s say you put on a Carnifex t-shirt and wear it a lot. But…. You don’t listen to metal because it just is not your sound. You don’t talk to other people about metal music, seek out the aesthetic, have more than 2 songs on your phone with metal music, or (want) to attend metal events. Are you a metalhead? No, of course not. But are you inferior to metalheads because you choose to listen to classical and hip-hop music? No, of course not. Another example: Let’s say you don’t like coffee. You don’t regularly drink it, read about it, or have an interest in it. Are you a coffee enthusiast? No, of course not. Are you inferior to those who do drink coffee? No, of course not. But it would be ridiculous to feel pressured to fit the mold of a coffee enthusiast, right?

It is never wrong to define what something is and to stick to your guns on it as long as you do not cross over into elitist territory, thinking you are better than everyone else. That is the point I want to get across here. Goth fashion does own my heart, but I also sometimes dress in dark academia, cottagecore, dark mori, and even in 80’s retrofuturistic styles when the mood strikes me. It does not change my involvement in the goth community or erase my love for goth music.

Lastly, a question I get a lot (and I have addressed this in previous posts) is, “I am obsessed with goth music… I have a wide knowledge base that I have spent great amounts of time developing and it is my life… but I also like Lil Peep, Lady Gaga, ‘gothic’ metal, and Lana Del Rey. Am I still goth?” The answer is YES. Of course you are! Loving goth music and being obsessed doesn’t mean you can’t like other things. Anyone in the goth community who tells you have to ONLY listen to goth music is full of crap. Eighty percent of my ipod is goth music… I am lucky to have thousands of songs. (And by the way, if you cannot afford a lot of goth music, you are not less goth than the rest of us. Listening for free is just as valid.) The other twenty percent is classical and synthwave/cybersynth/retrowave/darkly inclined/spacewave/video game sountrack/cyberpunk-inspired stuff. Am I any less of a goth for also being obsessed with the retrowave community or for listening to bands that are darkly inclined but not quite goth? No, of course not. Also, you can be darkly inclined without being goth, and that is just as beautiful. =) My husband is darkly inclined and likes some goth music, but he is more involved in the horror community. He is no less valid and freaking awesome than I am.

I hope this makes sense! This is a subject I feel passionate about. Just to recap, the pillars of fashion, gothic literature, and general aesthetics are valid in the goth scene and contribute greatly to the structural integrity of the whole. However, the soul of goth is in the music. I have hearing loss myself and have a couple of friends who are completely deaf who also agree that the music is the soul of goth. The way they engage is by reading the lyrics and even going to goth clubs when they can to dance and feel the beat. =) I think that is beautiful and so amazing. Hearing disabilities do not disqualify you from the goth scene- anyone who says they do is garbage.  

Here are a couple of videos explaining a bit about what goth music actually is. Let me know if you would like more resources! Angela Benedict did a video where she answered the question, “Can you be goth and not like the music?” Her answer is also no. She is a great youtuber to watch because she was there for the 90’s goth scene! It is so fun to hear her stories and learn about the elder goth generations. <3

Goth music is not just goth rock… there are SOOOOO many subgenres under the massive umbrella that is goth. It is a big universe to explore. =) If you would like a list of some of my favorite goth bands AND goth adjacent bands, then I can do a separate post for that- just ask! Thank you for tolerating my info-dumping. =) <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKDo_j0O-hA&t=116s – Accumortis on goth music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGj3CuAeW1w – Angela Benedict on goth music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg3HwuFlGeU&t=587s – Angela Benedict on defining goth

[lavender-lotion]

3, 4, 16 (DON'T say cherik), 22, 28

oh my god i absolutely hate you for asking me these aha you’re my favourite person in the entire world 

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

to date, it’s been X-Men (alt timeline movies, ofc) despite the rocky beginning I had. in this fandom I’ve learned so much about my own writing, and my writing style has grown SO greatly since I first joined and has taken shape into... well whatever the hell it is now, which is something I really like (most of the time)!

I fairly quickly created a small, tight circle of people I really enjoy being around in this fandom, and have since cultivated my own little fandom space that I really, really enjoy. it’s filled with people I love chatting with, people as open-minded as accepting as I am, and it’s a place that I strive to make feel welcoming for all who join, as well! I run an 18+ X-Men Alternative Timeline Movies focused discord, so if you’re interested, join us here! 

I am trying to branch back out into The Fandom a little more after feeling a type of way for some time, and I’m honestly enjoying that a lot too! it’s been interesting to follow some more folk, and I’m really happy to see my dash start to thicken up after being close to barren for so long. 

currently, I have a small group of close friends I care a great deal for (hi, Mid!) that has absolutely made this fandom into one of the best i’ve been involved in. 

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

very very very simplified and slightly unture answer: no. every single bad experience has taught me something that I’ve carried into my other fandom experiences, just like life lmao, but for more of a meaty answer to this question: yes. 

so much yes. 

I have SO MUCH regret around teen wolf, actually, for so many different reasons, but I’ve also learned SO much. seeing a server ran in a way I Did Not Like has helped me better mod my own fandom spaces, and I am very anti-totalitarianism and am VERY against showing abject favouritism to specific members, while I also always try incredibly hard to ensure no one feels ignored. I was reminded of how finicky friendships are, and learned not to be the person who puts in the sole work to keep ‘em going (and how to recognize if I am) because... when you stop the friendship might stop, too. I learned NOT to hit on close friends, no matter how much I might want to, and I learned the importance of open, clear and precise communication in romantic endeavours, which was actually a very good life lesson because I’d never been in a situation that could teach me it before. I’ve learned, or, am LEARNING, not to let personal experiences with one-on-one relationships taint my view of a fandom—this one is hard, and is something I am trying very, very hard to work through as I’ve recently been hit with a very strong and very sudden wave of inspiration for teen wolf.

but like, with that all said, I still absolutely LOVE the teen wolf fandom and have had so many amazing amazing amazing experiences that I wouldn’t change for all the bad, and that the bad experiences are really localized to the ship-focused spaces I was in and the personal relationships that I had, NOT with the fandom as a whole which I am slowly dipping my toes back into! I learned so much about myself and my writing during my time in the fandom, and that is another thing I absolutely wouldn’t change for the world. I am over the moon that I’m writing here again, honestly, and the reception I’ve gotten has been SO insanely amazing. 

starker is another one I regret-but-don’t-totally-regret-because-I-learned-shit. starker taught me the importance of 18+ fan spaces, and showed me what can happen when people... aren’t careful. when mods are minors themselves. I learned that cross-generational nsfw spaces are a RED flag, and that they mean GET OUT, and that anyone who would willingly allow minors and adults to mingle over explicit content are people I Do Not Want To Be Around. I learned a lot about myself there on an interpersonal scale, and I found out a lot about my sexuality and kink preferences, too (which was a wild time). while I do very much enjoy the lessons I learned from being in the space I was in, I could do without some of the more negative things I witnessed, even if they taught me a lot. 

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

SINCE I CAN’T SAY CHERIK I’m going to have to dig a little deeper and talk about Sterek, lmao. I was really, really, really into Sterek starting around... 2014? I read... fuck tons. absolutely insane amounts of Sterek fic. and I wanna say... around 2015? maybe? there was a really popular trope in Sterek, wherein Derek would push Stiles away (by being mean, by pretending to date one of the Pack (usually Erica), by bullying him, by telling him the pack didn’t want him, etc, etc) so that he could... keep Stiles safe? it almost always went the same way. there is a threat no one told Stiles about, Derek did “what he had to do” to keep Stiles safe (i.e cutting him off from all his friends and massive, obvious crush) and then when Stiles got hurt, the pack would come to his rescue and save him (only after Stiles got a little beat up), and then Derek would care for him, or not leave his side, or check up on him, and Stiles would wonder why he cared after everything that had happened and... bam. Derek would admit his undying love. And Stiles would just like forgive him and they’d get together and be happily ever after as a pack and...

that was so damaging lmao??? I can’t even tell you how many fics fitting into this trope that I read, to the point where I was like... “wow Derek loves Stiles so much he’s such an amazing person for keeping him safe by pushing him away and making him feel isolated and alone and hated” BUT LIKE WHAT. WHAT. that’s horrible??? so so so horrible??? I am so fucking thankful it isn’t something I really saw too much of when I came back around to the fandom around 2017, but.... oh boy. for a ship that I considered an OTP and read like the entire tag of, I have VERY few sterek fics of substance (when compared to the rest of my teen wolf writing) and this is the reason why. 

this trope and it’s absolutely ludicrous popularity a few years ago really, really turned me off the ship. 

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

content-wise: no. very, very easy no. I don’t regret any of the pairings or kinks I’ve written & I don’t think I ever will (I’m very anti-shame, lmao. if you like it, flaunt it). 

but... I do regret some of the emotional labour I’ve put into works? the emotional attachment I have with certain fics, or genres, or pairings, and how I’ve tied them to a specific person or persons. like, I can’t write ageplay anymore, because of how strong the association of ageplay is to someone I cared for deeply and no longer have in my life (and even if I ever manage to write it in general, I’ll never be able to write Steter ageplay). I have 13k of a fic that was supposed to be a surprise gift to a close friend that I hadn’t heard from in... ages, to the point where I gave up on sending the occasional monthly-message. I have one thing I wrote for a dear friend (who never interacted with it) and now I can’t help but feel like the story is awful, despite not doing horrifically stat-wise.  

I write because I love it. I write for people I care about, because writing is a labour of love, and it’s a way I can show them how much I care for them, but... sometimes that bites me in the ass, I guess. 

I’m working on it, lol. 

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

god okay there is NOTHING better than the idea of this. I’ve had a few mood boards made for me here and there, which are always SO loved and cherished and massively appreciated down to my BONES, but I don’t know if I’ve... ever really gotten fan art? I had someone make some really, really cool like... OG bit-moji type art of a couple of my fics, which is amazing and I have it on my phone still, and @hd-hale once drew me a GORGEOUS sheriff stilinski inspired by Daddies’R’Us, but to get FAN ART i would CRY lmao

right now, I think something from to love and be loved by you would feel really, really extra special because even at 6/17 chapters posted, it’s my longest work ever. what would it be a picture of?? hell if i fucking know but probably something that hasn’t happened yet, lmao

[cassercole]

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY REALITY IN MOTION!

published december 3rd, 2017. 470,161 words. 83 chapters. 115,023 views. 841 reviews. 284 follows. 234 favorites. 

wow. wow. wowie. i seriously can not believe it’s been two ( 2! ) years since i published this story. never, ever did i think i’d still be writing it today ( literally updated on sunday lol ). and yet, here we are. this is the longest i’ve ever kept up with a story lolol. thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, send me an ask about q proctor or the story itself, or even make me something. i truly never expect anything so i’m always pleasantly surprised when people take the time out of their busy lives to do any/all of the above.

this story has been such a Journey to write. i’ve learned so much about writing and plotting and of course, steve rogers. i know it’s not the most popular story out there, but it’s one of my personal favorites because i really do love writing it and the characters/world i created (weird, right??) which means much more to me than reviews (though i do love reviews lol). 

there are a few people i want to thank personally, so bear with me cause ya girl is gonna get Sappy! 

first and foremost, i have to thank my wife, my sister, and my daughter, @whindsor for helping me come up with q that fateful night when i decided to watch ca:tws after a long flight home. then literally coming up with q’s name (and i have the screenshot to prove it). ever since, she’s been in my corner, cheering me on and encouraging me to write even when i didn’t want to. she’s constantly inspiring me to better myself as a story teller and one day i hope to be as smart, poetic and beautiful with words like she is. and tbqh, this story wouldn’t exist without her. 

side note -- here’s the screenshot: 

@missjanuarylily: because jan. that is all. no, lol, but because seeing your skills and talent and attitude inspired me to try and become an all around better oc community member. from working hard to improve my manip skills to reblogging other people’s work even if i’m not in that fandom to leaving reviews on everything/anything i read, and always striving to be kind in this community, you’ve been a HUGE example for me and i’m so so so happy and honored to call you a friend. and also i cherish everything you’ve ever made me.

@mystic-scripture: for always sending me an ask IMMEDIATELY after finishing a chapter with your reactions, thoughts and feelings. plus, your love for dawson has truly warmed my heart and helped spring him from his secondary, background role to being one of the most important characters in this story (sans q lol). 

@inkoutsidethelines: for being there when i needed a Genuine Opinion on a choice i made in the story, and not holding back when telling me i probably shouldn’t have done the thing i did -- and for reviewing every chapter you read. thank you for your honesty and constant reblogs of chapter updates.  

@universalfanfic: for (i think) being one of the first people to ever draw?? q??? when i tell you i reached PEAK fanfic author? i truly mean it. i think about that storyboard you did of q and steve’s bar tour at least once a month. and in the same breath, @starsandstormyseas for the INCREDIBLE profile of q -- even with her butterfly hairpin! i appreciate both your artistic skill and the very detailed reviews you left while reading -- i loved them so much! 

♡ to those who always are up for a crossover chat ♡ @sgtbuckyybarnes  @nellie--crain @daaeleira @luucypevensie @thegalanerd @hrhatbat @perfectlystiles @anotherunreadblog @chuck-hansens @isaaclahys @susiesamurai​

♡ to those who constantly support the story and it’s characters by leaving reviews, reblogging edits, making me things or sending in asks ♡  @fraysquake @ofbadchoices @iceandwaterfairytail @the-elena-show @tandybowcns @samwilsonns @chlobenet @emiliachrstine @curious-kittens-ocs @moirei @heirsoflilith @xlavenderseas @witchofinterest @jamezvaldes @purple-and-red-ribbons @seize-the-droid @jarvis-is-my-copilot @peterparcour @ohhitherekatie @drbobbimorse @fiercefray @avengiers​ 

i know there’s probably a bunch of people i’m forgetting, but just know that i am forever grateful for your support. i couldn’t have done it without any of you. it’s cheesy, but it’s true. so thank you and here’s to another two years lol (oh god) 

[taeteetoo]

What each member brings to the group? BTS Namjoon edition!

NB: Readings are not meant to be taken as words carved into the stone. This reading serves a purpose of appreciating Bangtanies 💜 

Cards pulled:

BOUQUET - KEY - STARS

I love how the key came out in the center. He truly is the one from whom it all started. He makes sure things are how they are supposed to be, he is very detail-oriented and serious when the situation calls for it.

Namjoon is definitely a leader; the stars show how he is a guiding light to the members. He doesn’t hesitate to help out, encourage, or praise them if they are struggling. We can see that not only when they’re working on music but in their free time as well, as friends. 

The stars and the key together also tell me about his profoundness. He brings that philosophical note to BTS that we are all familiar with. He is here to connect with people and help them on a much deeper level, and he does that successfully. 

There’s certainly a strong connection Joonie has with the metaphysical realm and all that is hidden (is he aware of it on a conscious level though is a different story lol). For that reason, he is able to tap into that space better than some and therefore express some of the ideas and concepts from it in this world through his lyrics, speeches, etc.

Ngl I have a feeling that he could be a good channeler for that reason. He just communicates complex topics with ease. (ugh his mind)

Because of his inner urge to learn more and unlock the secrets of life, it’s natural for him to be ambitious. Namjoon is very passionate about what he does and wants to invoke that love for knowledge and life in people around him. 

He has such love for humanity ;_;

All in all, he is able to lead bc Tanies see his remarkable passion and charisma. His exploratory nature inspires him and other members to always strive for higher goals and they do so victoriously because of, among the other, his attention to detail and precision, love for what he does, and love for people that he shares parts of himself with - members, army, and everybody he encounters.

Now I don’t know much about his astrology placements but I do know he has sun in virgo and mercury in libra. The bouquet is represented by virgo and venus (rules libra), and the stars are by jupiter and aquarius. I certainly see those traits in him.

9 - completion, fulfillment, wisdom, good leadership

33 - master number, harmony, wisdom, understanding

16 = 7 - spirituality, security

This is my first post in these series but expect more to come!

For other readings similar to this one check out my masterlist or #my readings #bts readings <3

[27emailsicantsend]

Jonah beck for the character thing

Anon I am so sorry this took me so long to respond. I’ve had a hectic week but I’m here ☺️

Favorite thing about them: I love how positive he is and that everyone kind of looks up to that? Now listen, I know it was masking his anxiety, but I really appreciate that he was just kind of that light that everyone wanted to protect and be around. In all honesty, I have strived to be a more positive and happier person because of him. I want to be just that little bit of sunshine in a world that is often too dark- and Jonah did that for me.

Least favorite thing about them: this isn’t necessarily about him, but more how he was written. In the beginning, because he was Andi’s love interest, he was written so thoroughly and well to the season. His plot made sense as to why he was a main character and felt very necessary to the show. Maybe it’s just me, but it felt like (Season 3 especially) towards the middle-last half of the show because they wanted Andi to do this whole “self-love” journey (which don’t get me wrong is amazing; we stan) they didn’t have use for his character. Sometimes his plots felt so distant from the show- almost like I was watching two whole different shows. They stopped revolving around Andi and more around him and the other characters it almost felt like sometimes I was watching “Andi Mack” and other times “Jonah Beck”.

I think, again, this just comes from poor writing. When they didn’t need Jonah to push Andi’s plot forward anymore, they had to find a big enough purpose to keep him in the show so he could be validated as a main character. Otherwise, he would have had to step down to a recurring side character (like TJ or Amber). I’m assuming because of contracts, they weren’t able to move him to a smaller role. With Shazam! becoming a priority for him and the seemingly “creative turn” of Andi’s self-love journey (which tbh I feel like was more of a place the writers weren’t anticipating going when they started the show- I think Jandi was supposed to be endgame but as they wrote they probably found her being single as a healthier, better option), they were forced to keep him in the show, but with not so large of a plot it took away from his other filming time but not so small it revoked his rights as a main character. Maybe if they focused more on his anxiety storyline (which stemmed from Andi) it could have been better, but instead they went this weird side route of him getting back together with Amber, back yard camping with Cyrus, and still not being a GHC member. I just really don’t like the way they ended the show with him.

TL;DR: Jonah’s plots went downhill and resulted in him being a separate entity within the show. He was such a good character, but ultimately left me feeling unfulfilled with his plot as a whole by the end of the show.

Favorite line:

Cyrus: “I’m gay” Jonah: “Yeah? Okay, cool.”

“No, Amber, I think you’re the one who’s manipulative”

“I think you were thinking of danishes”

brOTP: Jyrus!

OTP: this is controversial but Jandi. Not middle school Jandi though. I actually think they could have made a really good couple later on when they were both more mature and found what makes them happy first. They had the chemistry but lacked the confidence/comnunication. (But I also ship Andi with Walker and Amber so there’s no real telling who she would end up with in my book)

nOTP: Jamber 🤢

Random Headcanon: Jonah gets therapy from Cy’s parents in high school and discovers his anxiety comes from a fear of not being liked. He has this need to be compulsively liked by everyone because his parents were so famous they didn’t show him a lot of attention growing up so now he compensates for that with a “picture perfect” image of himself to everyone else. (This dives into attachment theory and partially cognitive dissonance but those are deep and have to do with the psyche, so this is an easier way of explaining it).

Unpopular Opinion: this was touched on before but I actually like Jandi 😬 I felt like they complimented each other, but because they were still young and trying to overcome instinctual selfish desires, they weren’t able to communicate or serve the other in the love language best for the other. I think with some time and talking they could actually make a great couple- respectful of each other’s needs and committed to the other.

Song I associate with them: “I Cried” by Jonah Beck. 😂 listen that meme will go down in the grave with me. I love it so much. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about this song nearly every time his full name is mentioned or something remotely bad happens lol

Favorite picture of them:

[yukirena88]

HKT48 Sakamoto Erena Encount Article Part 1

2020.07.16

HKT48 Sakamoto Erena’s encounter with “Kikuchi P” changed her destiny. Her talents bloomed when he endorsed the lyrics she wrote and sent to him “the earliest”

Interviewer: Satoshi Oda

【Interview part 1】 A "Dance Girl" when she was a kid, she was awed by Hamasaki Ayumi and dreamt of becoming a singer 　HKT48, the idol group based in Fukuoka started their first-ever Stream-Only Live performance from their dance lesson room on July 5th. Maintaining adequate social distance to prevent the spread of COVID-19, they limited the performing members to just 10, and 3rd gen Sakamoto Erena, 2nd gen Tashima Meru, 3rd gen Tanaka Miku, as well as other regular Senbatsu members, took to the stage to deliver a compassionate message the people in the regions of Kumamoto and Kagoshima hit by the heavy rainfall and flood disaster. In this article, I will trace the footsteps of Sakamoto who is striving to realize her dream to become a singer while overcoming various obstacles.

　Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, theater performances and handshake events have all been postponed. Unable to communicate directly with fans who support them, it is difficult to deliver messages of comfort to those hit by heavy rainfall and floods. That is why Sakamoto wants to put her soul into songs which she believes "delivers a message stronger than words" and cheer people up. She passed HKT48's 3rd gen audition in 2013, 7 years ago. Since then, she has paved the way to her very own idol career.

　While Sakamoto, born in Fukuoka prefecture, was slightly shy as a child, she was also a very "active girl" who would play outside the whole time during recess time. It may have been a natural calling for an active girl like her to immerse herself in rock and hip hop dance classes for all 6 years when she was in grade school.

　Invited by a friend, she went to watch an "HKT48" stage performance and was charmed by 1st gen Kumazawa Serina's sharp dance moves and decided to audition for the group, but when was the first time Sakamoto thought "I want to become a singer"? Going back, she says she had a role model when she was younger even before she started taking dance lessons.

"When I look at my nursery school and kindergarten album, I wrote 'To become a singer' as my future dream. I drew pictures of myself basking in the spotlight and singing, so I had wanted to sing in front of an audience ever since I was young. Thank to my mother's influence, I really liked Hamasaki Ayumi, and she was the starting point of my dream to become a singer"

However, she had never taken a singing lesson before joining HKT48, and when she first started her career as an idol, "Myself included, everyone around me did not see me as a singer". Coincidentally, something she was told during her Trainee days became her guiding compass.

"I was better at dancing then, and did not have confidence in singing. But during a sound recording, a staff praised me saying, 'You have a nice voice' and that made me really happy and made me think 'I'll put in effort in singing', 'This is what I should work on improving'. I'm really grateful for those words.

Her "Solo A Capella Video" Led To Her First Senbatsu, while Her Encounter With "Kikuchi P" Changed Her Destiny After being promoted to a Team Member from Trainee in 2016, Sakamoto performed in the "6th AKB48 Kohaku Utagassen" held in December for the first time. She was chosen to represent HKT48 as a member of Team Vocal, along with Minegishi Minami & Oda Erina (AKB48), Yamauchi Suzuran & Furuhata Nao (SKE48), and Shiroma Miru (NMB48), the members from each of the 48G who are well known for their singing abilities, and together sang "Mata Anata No Koto wo Kangaeteta" a capella.

This prompted her to start recording her "Solo A Capella Video" which she posted on "Google+" for the first time in March 2017, which later became a video series. In the same year, she was chosen as senbatsu for the first time for HKT48's 10th Single "Kiss wa Matsu Shikanai Deshoka?", released in August of that year.

"I was thinking of ways to express my love for singing. While looking for a way, I saw videos of people singing in harmony, and went 'This is it!' When I started arranging a capella version of songs, I got really good reactions and it encouraged me to continue singing a capella and in harmony. I believe I was chosen as senbatsu for the first time thanks to my 'Solo A Capella Videos', so it was definitely a turning point in my idol career"

Sakamoto is a competitive person at heart, recalling how "When I lost at the trump game 7 rows, I would cry out of frustration." After becoming aware of her own strengths, devoted herself to the path set out in front of her. She was presented with another opportunity, again at the "AKB48 Kouhaku Utagassen." Kikuchi Shin (AKA "Kikuchi P", who has produced various music shows on Fuji TV), the Producer for the event suggested to her, "Why don't you write a song?"

"When I performed at the (7th) AKB48 Kouhaku in 2017, Mr. Kikuchi P praised my singing. I realized it was a great opportunity and spent 3 weeks thinking of a lyric, and while I wasn't sure if it was good enough... I sent it to him while questioning myself, and 1 week after that, he brought the music for the song all the way to the venue of our handshake event. He said, 'you're going to sing this at ZEPP TOKYO (for the music talk show Kikuchi Kara GIRLS' FACTORY NEXT) in summer 2018' and I froze, going 'Huh?' (lol). It all happened so quickly and I was really surprised"

She was never given a guarantee that it would become a song. Kikuchi Producer also talked to other members about it, but the one who "sent it to him the earliest" was Sakamoto, and that enthusiasm gave birth to her original song "Motto, Kitto".

"I'm glad I sent it early (lol). Kikuchi P has made a huge difference in my life. Thanks to his arrangement, I teamed up with idols from other group to form the idol unit 'Gachinko☆(Star)' and was able to gain a lot of experience in singing. My song has not been put on a CD yet, so I will do my best to publish it as a CD"

Sakamoto, who snatched this chance with her own hands and cleared a path to a new stage in her career, would experience a tumultuous time ahead.

(Continued in Part 2)

　□Sakamoto Erena was born on September 12, 2000, in Fukuoka prefecture. In 2013, she entered HKT48 as a 3rd gen trainee and was promoted to Team TII in March 2016. Apart from the dance skills she learned in grade school, she also immerses the audience into her world with her gentle singing voice and is one of the aspiring Divas in AKB48 Group. During her "Stay Home" time, she worked out using the popular fitness program "Billy's Boot Camp". Her favorite phrase is "Everybody Is Unique and Special in Their Own Way"