#streamofthought

[timespaceandmyface]

Mid-Spring 23’

I met an angel at the market in old London Town

He was beautiful

And radiant

Full stop

We met in line - a little high - last chance to get down

Came through like a beacon

In a crop top

Savior to his friends with blurry faces

He brought the shots

And chicken wings

Corner party - black top.

We shared a drink in the line

I learned their names,

No longer strangers

We took up space

Till we made past the ID stop

Somehow we ended up talking

We slowed it down,

his friends kept walking

Conversation was amazing

Didn’t even check the time

Still the neon lights were flashing

Lips were yapping, Spirits dancing

We were Loving every minute

Barely drinking, Drunk off vibes

That night, the disco passed us by,

Chopped it up on the dance floor

Every subject stopping time

Till last dance made it’s tour

Then The night was over

Club closed at 3

We exchanged some numbers

The angel took his leave

And after they all took flight

I was too late to see

That is had fallen for an angel

The Eve of mid-spring ‘23

[solablogia]

Grief: A Stream of Thought Poem

They say grief is a process

Well, haven’t I been processed yet?

Because I feel like processed meat being fed through a grinder

I’m just trying to be honest - everything’s a reminder

Of what I had and what I don’t

What I desire and what I won’t

Be able to seize any time soon

Why does it feel like time is being force fed with a spoon?

I’m tired and I’m hurt

I’m angry at myself, and for what it’s worth

I’m angry in general

And generally confused

I don’t know what to do

Because I so badly want this not to be true

And yet I don’t want to be consumed

Have you ever had a dream so real

You could almost taste it?

That was me, ten years old

While other boys were thinking spaceships

I was praying for my wife

And the strength to be her husband

In my bedroom late at night

Praying she would be my best friend

Because my home was just a battlefield

Mom and dad were always fighting

They would work so late we never saw them

Coming home was never that inviting

And I didn’t want that for our family

“God, I want it to be different,

Teach me to love her the way she needs,

Teach me how to be a servant - and be present”

I wanted to present myself to her blameless

So I waited and waited

For twenty-seven years with tested patience

But I had faith that He was faithful and that He’d give freely if I asked

And in my pursuit of Him I found the other half

Of this jigsaw puzzle God calls a family

And when I found my beloved I could finally see

How God had formed us both separately to be together as a team

And that despite our many failures God had given us a great thing

And we were happy, man you should see the way her smile lights up a room

You’d never think brown eyes could shine so bright - I was lucky to be her groom

And man, did I know that - because I knew how deep the flaws, scars, and brokenness were in my own heart

And that in spite or because of those things, still she chose to go with me at least this far

And so far - I never had a reason to fear

I never thought that five years later I’d be sitting right here

Penning words I never thought I’d ever compose

Struggling to stay composed, my heart being exposed for every tiny insecurity, every ounce of regret, every faulty decision, every fear of being that let-down of a man, the kind of person I never wanted to be, but I’m struggling through the chaos and it’s difficult to see where I am.

And it came so quickly, too

Like an atom bomb or a suicide attack

One minute things were normal, and then next we’re on our backs wondering how in the world did this happen to you and I? One day we’re picking baby names and the next we’re hanging onto sanity for dear life.

My wife -

You were always more than the children you could maybe, possibly provide me with-

I’ll admit -

I dreamt about being “father”,

But it was never more important to me to have a son or have a daughter; that was farther down the list of what I wanted in this life

What I wanted more than anything was for you to be my wife - I’d give my life, my arm and both legs if I thought it would bring us together again,

I consumed with these thoughts, that’s why I broke out my pen

And I still don’t believe that this really is who we are

That we’re nothing more than just friends

At a distance this far - and even still,

I’m living in this vain hope

That you would move towards me

And that I would move towards coping with

The way things undeniably are now

I’m praying in this silence you’ll begin to somehow remember my heart

Remember who we were before this

Remember the joy, the butterflies when we kissed

How we put our futures in each other’s hands when we wed

How we promised to never leave, how we promised instead that we would fight to hold on until the bitter, bitter end

And we would always be each other’s best friend

Oh, but this pain isn’t soon to go away,

And putting this back together, we will never be the same

Heck, “we,” but especially not “I” will return from this unchanged

But change is the harmonizing chord buried deep in this refrain

Because it’s change that makes this mess beautiful, fire purifies the gold

And in this process they call grieving

That’s the aim now, that’s the goal - is to change

To be a better me than I can be,

Maybe build a better marriage

Maybe be a better we

I hope- and that’s the best thing I can see

Right now it’s just a hope

Maybe tomorrow’s reality

I don’t know - all I really know is I’m just a man

And I’m writing this as brutally honest as I can,

So bear with me - I bear the marks of a hurting soul

if that makes you uncomfortable, welcome to the hole

Where I’m just trying to piece together and make sense of all my thoughts

I’m wrought with all this grief, and yet, but still

I know I’m in the presence of someone who promises to heal

My wounds are just marks to tell a story of grace, and in part

they form a makeshift bridge that leads to someone else’s broken heart

And in this pain I just remember that it draws me back to Him

So my suffering has a purpose; I’m not left alone to sin

I just hope I survive your test, Lord

I just hope I make it through

I’m just trying to be faithful

I’m just trying to be true to your heart

I guess this whole thing I’ve written is a prayer

I guess I’m trying to remember day by day that you’re still there

Because I can’t have both of my loves silent

I need to know I’m not alone

I need to know someone is listening

Because I’m so far away from home that it hurts

I’m needing you to meet me where I am

To help me be stronger but when I’m weak to understand

It’s your grace - the only reason why I’ll nevet fall away

And even if she leaves

Well, at least I know you’ll stay

[ebullientdelight]

I overthink my writing a lot. I overthink everything a lot. I spend most of my days wishing for the spark of inspiration or even a vague idea to keep held in my brain. I’ve spent nights writing novels non stop with words flowing out of my fingers like gushing waterfalls and nights where I open the page and then close it.

I struggle with the feelings of unworthiness. I mean who really cares about what I have to say? I don’t know. It’s lovely to say things like “Who cares what others think!” or “Do it for you not anyone else!” 

But honestly what’s the point of sharing something if nobody reads it? If nobody enjoys it? Imagine how many beautiful pieces of poetry are never read because the person just didn’t have the platform of 20K+ followers to gush over every letter. 

How do you get that following? How do you even start? People tend to only listen to the beautiful people who travel the world and take photos on beaches at sunset that caption their photos with poems. You’re caught by the beauty and you stay for the words. But what if the beauty isn’t there. What if the incredible poet didn’t have a personal photographer? 

What if the novelist didn’t have the money to publish? 

I’m caught with envy for people who have more than I and despite my best try I can’t seem to shake it. 

[myidiosyncraticmind]

At the end of the day, protect your peace by all means…

[brandonbainsings]

New series #BStream #Mind #Moments #Music A random look at my memories. #BrandonBain #Singer #Crooner #NYC #Brooklyn #Dapper #SerenaWilliams #Random #Jazz #Calypso #IGSeries #Rockets #mindfulness #goodvibes #tv #television #oldschool #vhs #memories #fun #livemusic #thoughtstream #streamofthought #consciousness #concsious

[allmypistachios]

Wanderer Acrylic/ink Ig/ @andresitoguzman

[bxmeto]

11:48AM

Crazy Motivateddddd

[timespaceandmyface]

I can remember the last time I was truly happy, but not the feeling.

[lazyazzninja]

2018 has come to an end and today I present to you Part 2 of "My Top 10 Favorite Albums of 2018” The list is in no specific order they're just my favorites. Book of Ryan - @royceda59 YSIV - @logic Stream of Thought Vol. 1&2 - @blackthought Mi Vida Local - @atmosphere Shiny and Oh So Bright, Vol. 1 / LP: No Past. No Future. No Sun. - @smashingpumpkins #top10 #bestof2018 #favorite #albums #albumoftheyear #music #hiphop #rockandroll #albumcover #logic #ysiv #youngsinatra #royceda59 #bookofryan #streamofthought #blackthought #mividalocal #atmosphere #rhymesayers #shinyandohsobright #smashingpumpkins #awesome #dope #newyear #happynewyear https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJFOMiAl7R/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1nsgqelayoso4

[myidiosyncraticmind]

To Zailynn on January 29, 2027

Daughter: (noun) A girl or woman in relation to her parents A simple definition will never fully explain the bond that is between my baby girl and I. I have watched her bloom into the epitome of strength and beauty she has been my shoulder for some of the hardest times, and there for me through some of the best times. When I think of the woman that she will become, it fills me with so much pride to be able to say that she is my child. As a parent, you want to be able to always say that you raised your children the best you could, but in my case I can honestly say that she has become something way more beautiful and loving than I would have ever be able to take credit for. I will forever love you to the moon and back. Love, Mom

[ladybugmeat]

and I grinned for England.

Through strand of accordion, he dove. Poached for a clandestine affair for the cloakroom. Picked up their gazes from the marble like silken handkerchiefs. Tied them to his legs and looked like the May Day parade; just passing through. Gave their bed beams rickets and made toes curl in the kitchens. There is lard in the jam jars and the sheets won’t wash themselves. Big victorian lights like pear drops and whisky on a hill in Cranbrook. On the sunny day when you tripped on river rocks. My browser goes incognito to search things whispered. I forgot to tell you that it felt like an underwater dive. There are heart-shaped ice-cubes in my freezer for my drink only. I thought I might need to kiss myself. I have a death-mask of dirt from this dirt-track but you let me keep the pound coin from our trolley and I grinned for England. 

[something-of-the-marvelous]

Watch me bleed out, watch me disassociate, I can feel the blood dripping but it feel wrong. Like its in slow motion. Drip drip drip. Its been a while since this has happened. Its been a while since I looked up and didn't see me in the mirror. Its been a while. Its been a while. Drip, drip, drip. Should I try to stop it again. My hands are already bloody, the right side of my face smeared with sticky, metallic smelling red. Sticky. Its sticky. Drip... drip. (I like writing my thoughts it helps) #blood #twblood #writing #thoughts #streamofthought

[catissogr8]

More sleep, less ideas.

When you have a restless mind. But you want to sleep. There are too many distractions on the internet. I am getting bogged down with spam ideas filtering through my mind.

My anxiety is telling me that I have to accomplish all of my ideas right now, or I will never amount to anything and never achive goals, while my stress and depression want me to go outside to have the rest of my clipped cig.

So I cant really focus on one thought. Its a struggle just to write this down. I hope I've managed to spell everything right. Sometimes my brain works faster then my fingers can type on my phones keyboard.

I can feel all of my stress in my clentched jaw. I am just so glad I have the day off from work tomorrow.

Maybe I will just go pee and try and get some sleep. Hopefully watching ASMR helps me fall sleep. #fingerscrossed

Sweet dreams...

[atearintheaether-blog]

Starting Again

How many years has it been?  So much lost in time. I feel nailed to the ground.  I’ve been sedated for far too long.  Where did I put it...

my heart... I left it here somewhere.  It’s time to live again. Resuscitate my will to thrive, fueled by fury, pain, love. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Flip the tape, press play. 

[allmypistachios]

untitled india ink

2017

[bxmeto]

8:10PM

Two steps back but one step forward. Remember it is all a process.