#strategy by twice goes so hard

[badapesbestie]

HEY BOY IMMA GETCHA IMMA GETCHA REAL GOOD AND I BETCHA‼️ HEY BOY ONCE I GETCHA YOU’LL BE OH SO GLAD THAT I MET YA

If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

32 / 1.4k / soap soulmate au, part 9

...

Soap goes still and quiet, his grip loosening. "People?"

"Human trafficking."

"How do you know?"

"Because security is quadrupled in the basement lounge. The client and his inner circle are scheduled to move downstairs after midnight. They're calling it an afterparty."

"You're sure it's not drugs?"

"I'm sure. I saw the dossier given to security downstairs."

Soap's mouth twists. The target sure as hell isn't leaving this place alive if he can help it. “Could’ve mentioned that earlier."

“I tried. Who do you think tipped Laswell off?"

That gives Soap pause. "Laswell? You’ve been in touch with her?"

"Once." You curl your fingers tighter into his vest and grab his chin to make him look at you. "Johnny, listen. If you kill him now, everything locks down. You won't be able to get into the basement. You need to get down there quietly with the element of surprise."

"What have you got in mind? Covert extraction, no prep, no briefing?" He raises one hand as if to cover yours, to trace along your knuckles. After so long, he can’t help it. He just wants to touch you. "That's a lot to ask. What was your plan if we didn’t show? Go it alone?"

"Figure it out as I go along, I guess."

"Christ, you're a headache." Soap's hand tightens around yours, gently pulling it off his collar to bring your hand up to his cheek. He turns up your palm and presses a kiss to the inside of your wrist. You're on his side this time. He can't put into words how light it makes him feel. 

He makes a low sound in his throat before he pulls back again. He clicks on his radio. "Captain, LT, you'll want to hear this."

While Soap explains the situation on his team's comms, you put yourself back together, checking your rifle and your gear. He watches you the whole time. You’re not what he remembers—not the cornered animal he met in that interrogation room before. You're in your element. If he could, he’d drag you away, take you back to some safehouse somewhere, and focus on getting to know you in every way and every position he knows. Patience, he tells himself. After this mission, he'll have all the time in the world. 

After the brief conference--and Laswell confirming she’d received an anonymous, cryptic tip about stolen goods in the target’s favorite Swiss Alps resort--he turns back to you. "Price wants the target no matter what. We're pullin' back to regroup and plan our strategy."

Your stomach drops. "What? There's no time."

"You said it yourself: we have no intel, no time to prep, and no good way in. Civilians everywhere. If it goes tits up, people die." He grabs your hand and pulls you into the hall, heading for the stairwell. "We're fallin’ back and regrouping while we still can."

You jerk your hand out of his, stumbling back. "We have intel. I was briefed on this mission. I can get downstairs,” you argue.

You mean alone. Soap doesn't like that. "Not happening,” he snaps, his voice rough with frustration. He glares down at you, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenches his teeth. “I know you can more than handle yourself, but not against a hundred of these bastards."

"Those bastards are my coworkers," you retort. "They won't look twice at me."

That's the worst part. Your familiarity with this place makes you an undeniable asset for this mission—that’s why he sought you out. The reason that’ll be in the official report, anyway. Damn it. He's torn between the knowledge that he should be happy you’re willing to help his team out and his desire to throw you over his shoulder and carry you out of the building.

"You said yourself security's quadrupled down there. If it goes loud, you're done. I'm not lettin’ you play hero. No. Ain't happenin'."

“Then we find a different plan,” you argue. You've never met someone so hard-headed.

"She might have a point," Gaz's voice says in Soap’s earpiece. "If we find a way to bring security up to the ground floor instead, you and Ghost can get down there and find the hostages. Security's already jumpy with the power out--give them a reason to come upstairs and they will. It’s just a matter of finding a distraction. And we've got snipers posted. Distractions are easy."

Hearing Gaz, you nod. “I'll take the target and lead him into view for your snipers.”

Soap curses under his breath, running a hand over his mohawk. He wishes he’d turned his radio off. He doesn't like putting you at risk.

You huff and sling your rifle over your back. Time is slipping away. "I need to find the target. I'll wait for your signal and--"

Soap grabs your arm before you can walk past him. "Jesus, stop. Give me a minute to think."

"We don't have--"

"Time, I ken." Soap's grip tightens. He tugs you against him again, one hand going to the back of your neck to hold you in place. "You're not goin'. Not without me."

"That's ridiculous!" Your voice climbs despite the way he forces you closer--folds his arm around your lower back and pulls you chest-to-chest. "They’ll see you. And they’re not just going to arrest you, okay—they’ll kill you."

Soap’s expression tightens. "How do I know you won't abscond with the target? Wouldn’t be the first time you left us high and dry."

You close your mouth and stare at him. He’s worried you’ll betray him. Your gaze falls to his chest, silent, because it wouldn't be the first time.

At the look on your face, Soap’s chest feels like it’s caving in. But he keeps going before he loses his nerve. He doesn't care if it's selfish. "You disappeared. No word. No message. Not even a thank you. I'm not lettin' that happen a second time. One wrong move and I'm pullin' you out."

He lets go of you, unhooks the collar radio from around his neck, and puts it around yours instead. "Tell my team when and where you have the target in place. They'll take care of the rest."

You put the earpiece in place and adjust the bit around your neck. "Fine."

He stands still, arms crossed, as you adjust your gear one more time. Your nerves are shot.

You glance at him, an apology stuck in your throat. "I was going to contact you, I just..."

"Just what? Had more important things going on? Assholes to protect?" he snaps. He stalks closer, towering over you again. The frustration flashing through his eyes eclipses the sudden, haunted look of a man who hasn't slept well in weeks.

You press your hand to the armor on his chest and lower your voice. "I get it if you don't trust me. Just... trust that I want your target dead as much as you do."

"Promise me you won't disappear on me again."

You bite the inside of your lip and put your hand on his cheek. Something in your chest twinges when he leans into it. "I promise," you lie.

"Good." He closes his eyes and lowers his forehead to yours. He breathes deeply, committing your touch to memory.

Then he opens his eyes and angles your jaw up toward his, his mouth slanting over yours in a hard, possessive kiss that empties your brain completely. When he pulls away, his eyes glimmer.

"You’d better stand by that promise, darlin’,” he says, voice low and dangerous. “I let you go in Las Almas because you didn’t want my protection yet. Could’ve taken you with me whether you liked it or not, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you hatin’ me. Even if it meant keepin’ you safe.” The cool leather on his knuckles brushes tenderly against your neck. "But those reservations aren’t holdin’ me back anymore. I will do what needs to be done if you play games with me. You understand?"

You stare at him, heart thumping strangely. "I don't think that's... necessary."

“I hope it’s not.” He cups your jaw in his hands and brings your lips to his again. The kiss this time is gentler, softer—just a slow, intimate press that melts you completely. You’re breathless by the time he lifts his head. "When this is over, you're mine."

You nod weakly, not trusting yourself to speak.

...

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / [part 9] / part 10 / part 11 / part 12

more Soap / masterlist tag

[sublimetragedychopshop]

Player yandere!!

Player! Yan being a hoe all throughout their life. Their amazing good looks and trust fund money makes people not think twice before jumping into bed with them. Thinking they are special because “oh my god this is how our love story starts! Their in love with me!🥰” only for them to either be shoved a plan b in their hands the next morning, shoved out of their flat and blocked on all social media. If that person even tries to confront yan the next day, yan just goes “do I know you?” With the straightest face ever. Like they are an ASSHOLE when it comes to people who are in love with them. They have never been in love before and everytime someone gets upset at them or curses them, they just shrug it off as another Tuesday. “Fuck you!!when you fall in love, I hope they stomp on your heart and light it on fire!” Another wounded soul that was the victim of their shenanigans exclaimed.

They just laugh and move on with their day. Them? In love?? Not gonna happen sweetheart. People fall in love with THEM not the other way around.

Until they meet their darling. Of course theirs always that “special someone” usually displayed as the innocent pure person. But that isn’t how my stories go. Idgaf darling that is just trying to scrape by in life. They know, that yan is an entitled asshole and proceed to stay away from them. Shouldn’t have been hard right? Wrong. They made the mistake of telling yan to “get lost” when yan tried to talk up their friend. Of course some hostility towards them is kind of common but usually from their ex playthings. They play innocent wondering if you were a past lay, while trying to chummy up to you.

At first it was a joke, them seeking you out just to play innocent infront of you. Flirting as a joke, just to rile you up or make you blush (too bad you just look at them with a dead inside look) in fact they started considering you their newest exciting game. See how long until you fall.

Unexpectedly you stood strong, any advance they tried to make, you blocked it, any sweet moment they calculated, you dodged it, any ‘special’ connection they tried to formulate just pushed you away even further. It was driving them crazy, but their selfish pride never let them walk away. And despite everything you never cussed them out, chased them out or showed anger to them. It almost made them think of you as some sociopath.

After some time they started thinking about you. All.the.time. Scenarios on how to make you blush. Daydreams of how you would look when you crumbled under them. Strategies to take up more of your time. Until they began dreaming of you. Fun thing about dreams they usually mean underlying feelings in a person. Sweet dreams of you, usually you smiling at them or being happy. They feel so light in the dreams, so fuzzy. Craving them when their gone or you giving them your usual dead look. They don’t take it seriously at first, of course they began dreaming about you, they almost see you everyday! Then the nerves started showing up, hesitation. Whenever they tried to make a sly move before, they did so confidently. Now they do it, and you look at them with those uninterested eyes, and suddenly they have to look away. A small pink hue flooding their face.

Is it normal to hate people that come close to you? Before others looked at THEM with jealousy. Now they glare at anyone that is buddy buddy with you. These low life’s seeing you smile and laugh. While THEY barely get a glance. It’s unbelievable. No they aren’t jealous! They probably have a good reason for this feeling!

God, their friends see them acting weird and confront them about it. “Dude are you okay? I get that this person is like your ‘conquest’ or whatever but your taking this too seriously.” “So what? I’m not a quitter. Or do you think that they are capable of resisting me!?” They exclaim. “Nah! I just mean-don’t take them so seriously! How about we go to a party with a bunch of hot chicks/dudes. They won’t know.” It made them think. At first a bitter taste of disgust hit them until they buried it. ‘Yeah, tons of better broads are willing to open their legs after just a glance. I just need to get back in the game.’ So they go, a random party full of drunk people. It’s where they feel most comfortable. But something doesn’t feel right? It’s almost like they are waiting, waiting for something. Someone. They can’t help but turn around when a voice similar to yours starts talking. Can’t help but look around when a jacket that looks like yours is found. They do it on accident until someone points it out, and they get mad. Enraged.

It seemed to be a tipping point because they have never got that drunk before. Pulling someone they don’t even know into a room with them. Kissing, groping until the start the deed. At first it feels good, so good. They feel like they got high for the first time again. Until this random stranger starts sounding like you. Their drunk mind filling the gaps. Suddenly the stranger doesn’t just sound like you, it looks like you. They moan and groan and god does it sound so good. They couldn’t help themselves, stupidly they moaned your name. The other person seemed to not hear it the first couple of times, until yan starts screaming it as they cum. Suddenly they get smacked in the face and get left by themselves on the bed.

It was a wake up call, a moment of realization. Hours passed by in a flash because of their drunk mind. Only thing they could think about now was you. They were in love. IN. LOVE. With you, of all people. Thinking that they could NEVER experience this sensation, it was a gut punch. Small chuckles left their lips, soon it turned into an explosive laughter! As they clutched their heart, beating- demanding to leave their chest and run to you, they knew that you owned them now. Belonging to you and only you. Just needing to let you understand that is all that is left…

(Hope my writing is getting better! This was an old draft that I just decided I NEEDED to post. Mainly cuz I’m still working on a part 2 on my self deprecating yandere Drabble! Sorry my brain is out of juice is all 😭)

[lunas-side-anime-blog]

Modern College Student/BF Eren Yeager Headcanons

Armin version: HERE

Changed his major so. many. times.

Tried premed bc of his dad but then realized he had to take a lot of math and was like “lol no”

Was a business major for a bit but he didn’t have enough tact or strategy so dropped that pretty quick

Philosophy was next but he has such black and white way of thinking, he always got into arguments with the professors

Ethics was ruled out after like a week bc of…well, obvious reasons

Joined Armin’s major for like a month but it took so much studying and memory that he quit

Tried psych with Mikasa but yeah every teacher kept telling him to go to therapy??? And he was like “no thank you.”

Eventually i think he will land in something like sport communication or management, bc the competition really gets him fired up and he’s only good at something if he’s passionate about it

also feel like he’d be a college athlete with some scholarships so yeah, it makes sense

Not a great student tbh

Type of bitch to say “c’s get degrees.”

Really its only his public speaking skills that are keeping his grade afloat bc his presentations are sooo hype and get the class all inspired n shit

His essays and quizzes tho? Yeah, not so good

Bad at attending classes too, for sure will be like “srry my grandma died.”

And the teacher is just like “you’ve used that excuse already?twice??"

And hes just like “ugh fine you got me, I was tired and hungover”

Def tried to join a frat but Armin and Mikasa threatened to not be friends with him 

Still hangs with the frat boys a lot and is always partying with them

Pregames wayyy too hard tho, wasted before the party even starts

Unironically dances to lmfao and pitbull at college parties like “party rockers” is his fucking jam

Casual pothead, has a bong he def like nicknamed the “titan” cuz it’s so fucking huge

Will share his stash with you but like next time you got alc or bud just know he’s hitting that shit

High Eren is just really philosophical about freedom but with the munchies

Diet consists of instant ramen, mcdonalds and box mac n cheese, probably alot of redulls too

Thank god he’s athletic w a high metabolism 

Is fucking rocking the man bun and will fight you if you say otherwise

Games often with Jean, Conny and Sasha

Rage quits all the time and yes, Jean has recorded most of them for blackmail

Still uses snapchat streaks and will be so salty if one of his friends broke it

“You know nothing of loyalty. It’s one snap a day! How fucking hard was that?”  

Smells like irish spring body wash, old spice deodorant and weed

Also mint? I feel like he’s always chewing gum

One of those smokers who think he can just splash cold water on his face and chew on some gum and it wouldn’t be obvious that he’s high af

Carmex lip balm is the only slightly self care item he owns

Really into anime, loves the boss fights

I feel like he’d really like Naruto, Demon Slayer, Bnha or jojo’s bizarre adventure

You know anything with a lot of fights or training 

Ppl say he’d like Deathnote bc light but honestly I think he would get lost with all the twists and be like “why tf aren’t ppl just punching each other???”

Loves rap if he’s feeling good or screamo if he’s angry, like there's no in between lmao 

For sure listens to his music way too loud even with air pods

“Max volume isn’t enough, I wanna fuck the song” type of dude

I feel like him and Conny at one point prob tried to make a youtube channel where they like react to stuff 

Jean is the top commenter…..too bad it’s hate comments lol

Is one of those guys who has such a high body temp that even if it’s like december and snowing out, he’s still in basketball shorts and a short sleeve shirt 

Progressive bc Armin taught him how sex doesn’t equal gender, and pronouns are to be respected

Still a dick tho

“He’s such a fucking- wait hold up what are your pronouns?  They? K cool was just gonna talk shit about you but wanted to be respectful about it, thanks.”  goes back to his other conversation like, “They are such a fucking worthless cunt.”

As your bf

Probably met off tinder or something bc he is just a fuckboy looking to get his dick wet

But after fucking he just keeps hanging out with you? Or like if u get ur period or don't feel like sex he’s like, “it’s okay we can just watch a movie or something😀”

So ur not quite sure if you guys are fuckbuddies or not?

It becomes kinda obvious tho if he like ever sees you with another guy and gets all up in his face like “wtf are u doing with my girl/boy?”

U guys don’t have a clear anniversary bc he never asked u to be his, it was just kinda silently agreed upon?

Clingy lil bitch after sex like will follow u to the bathroom if u let him

Needs to shower with you, otherwise you both aint showering cuz he will turn off the water 

“Now we both stinky, bitch.”

Gives me the vibe of a guy who learned sex stuff thru porn

He goes really hard, fast and will put you in crazy positions

If u have a vagina you prob will have to like teach him about clit stimulation and literally take his hand and lead it there, he’s a fast learner though 

Will pull your hair but if you dare pull his?

He'll flip you over and spank you 

Wants sooo bad to be called daddy, up to you though if u wanna call him that but you can tell he tries to lead you to say it sometimes

Not really controlling or anything, actually loves an independent partner who has their own goals 

Is insanely jealous though, the only time he’s all up on you is if he thinks another guy is trying to get on you

If you fight tbh I think Eren can be a lil brat but I think he always has a time limit 

Like..he’s the type of guy that has about three days in him of being an asshole or being in silent treatment mode before he just breaks and knocks on your door begging for forgiveness

A little toxic but again, more so about others than actually controlling you

The type to start a fight in your insta comments if anyone other than him or your besties call you hot

Will try to be cool and say “wear whatever you want, I can fight”

And he will but like will he also cry later? Yes. 

Dates with him aren’t really dates? I think his love language is quality time so he’s the type to just try to hang out and make everything a lil “date”

Lots of late night car rides where you guys just talk and share songs (also car sex if ur up to it), lazy days where you two watch movies and cuddle in bed, also I think he’s the type of bf to try to tag along with you everywhere you go and offer to get you food afterwards

Only for like birthdays or anniversaires will he try to take you out for a fancy dinner, even then you might have to drop hints that you want a nice date bc honestly he’s totally okay getting mdconalds with you and pigging out

Overall he’s kinda a scary dog privellage as a boyfriend

Whose mainly all bark and no bite

(mostly)

Fav nicknames: Babe, babygir/babyboy, sexy, shortie 

Songs that fit the vibe: 505 by Arctic Monkeys, Cherry Waves by Deftones, Daddy Issues by the Neighbourhood

“I’d probably still adore you wth your hands around my neck”

“I’ll swim down with you, is that what you want?” 

“I tell you that I’m thinking about, whatever you’re thinking about”

[yokohamapound]

BSD Characters Catch You Reading Smut

No one asked for this, but I just had the idea floating around in my head and it was too good to pass up. <3

Characters: Edogawa Ranpo, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Dazai Osamu, Kunikida Doppo, Yosano Akiko, Nakahara Chuuya, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Contents: smut references

Edogawa Ranpo

It doesn't matter how good you think your poker face is. Ranpo knows. You've spent years training yourself by reading fanfiction in public and using an e-reader to mask what you're doing, but there will always be a tell.

He pops his lollipop out of his mouth and smirks over at you from his desk while you're trying to read a few pages on your lunch break. 

"Whatcha readin'?" he asks, coy.

You take a moment to compose yourself, pulling your gaze away from the scintillating, graphic descriptions written in the text, and glance across at him. There’s something about his smile that makes you unaccountably nervous. Ranpo might act like a kid most of the time, but there’s a hint of knowing in his eyes that forcibly reminds you this man is a full grown adult, and far too perceptive for his—and your—own good.

“A…uh…romance novel.”

Perhaps if you confess to something mild like reading romance novels at work, then he won’t go after the big fish. But you know as soon as the words leave your mouth that it’s a mistake. Ranpo always goes after the big fish, not the small fry.

“Uh-huuuh.” He draws out the word, grinning at you, one green eye opens a sliver. “Good sex scene?”

Across the office, Kunikida spits out his coffee over his paperwork.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

As much as Akutagawa talks like a Victorian orphan and likes to collect antiques, we don’t know much about his reading tastes, if he has any at all. Don’t forget he grew up in the slums, so he’s had little education, if any, before coming to the Port Mafia. After which, it was probably left up to Dazai, god forbid.

Suffice it to say that if he does enjoy reading anything, it’s probably morbid Gothic horror, riddled with existential dread and people dying young, haunted by the ghosts of their misdeeds. So, Poe’s stuff, basically. 

All this is to preface the fact that I don’t think Akutagawa even realises there is such a thing as smut novels. He’s probably aware of porn, but dirty writing? Not something he’s ever bothered to consider in his relatively narrow purview. 

He doesn’t really think twice when he sees you reading, since it’s a familiar-enough sight. It might be a book in your hands or just some text you’re scrolling through on your phone. It’s only when he notices your rapt attention to the text that he starts to get curious.

You’re so engrossed you don’t notice him loom over your shoulder until you hear his breath catch, a cough spluttering in his throat.

“What…what are you reading!?” he demands to know, rearing back from the book like it’s going to bite him. 

Dazai Osamu

Oh god.

It’s very hard to hide anything from Dazai, but you’ve been trying to keep your spicy book collection a secret because once he finds out about something he becomes an incorrigible tease about it, and this would be no different. 

You’ve almost mastered the art of hiding your fanfiction tab when he walks past by using the old (ALT + TAB) manoeuvre, Or by flipping to an innocuous part of your book when he walks into the room, but this strategy has backfired. Because Dazai sees all and knows all, and the sneaky little bastard has noticed your shifty behaviour. He’s been watching for a while, waiting for his moment to pounce. 

So there you are, innocently reading your not-so-innocent novel on the couch, perhaps even on a break at the office, and suddenly there’s a presence behind you, warm breath against your ear.

“‘Her legs quivered like a newborn foal’s,’” Dazai narrates, his voice breathy. “‘Lord Fondezglimmer’s hands brushed up the insides of her thighs, her skin as soft as flower petals, reaching for—’”

You snap the book shut. “Shut up, shut up!”

Dazai is unrepentant. Even as you get up, he follows you around the room, hand over his heart, eyes glittering, repeating the scene word for word. 

“‘Primrose’s secret flower was his to taste! As he lay her down upon the bed of handwoven silk, her kirtle rose to her hips to reveal—!’” 

“Shut up, Dazai!”

Kunikida Doppo

The main book Kunikida is interested in is his notebook. He does, however, have a list of well-lauded self-help books, memoirs, and other edifying literary works that he intends to check out just as soon as he has the time. He admires you, actually, and how much time you devote to improving your mind through reading. He occasionally goes so far as to ask you for recommendations, and you have to scramble to recommend something that won’t make his glasses shatter in shock.

Little does he know what you’re really up to.

It’s only when he finds himself at a rare loose end that he finally makes his way over to your bookcase and leafs through some of the volumes. He goes for the last one he saw you reading. It seems innocuous. The cover is a pastel purple with swirly writing. A romantic saga of some sort? Well, he can indulge a chapter or two, just to see what you’re interested in. 

Ten minutes later, Kunikida is sitting on the edge of his seat, gripping the book so hard it looks like he’s about to tear it in half. His face is scarlet behind his glasses, his eyes hidden by the glare on the lenses. His hair is practically standing on end. By the time you find him, he’s as wooden as a statue.

“Ah, got curious, did you?” you ask, amused.

“...this is…” Kunikida starts. “It’s…”

“Erotica,” you inform him, tugging the book from his nerveless hands. “Poor thing. If you were curious I could have given you something a little softer to ease yourself in.”

“No! I’m good. Thank you very much. I’ve seen…quite enough.”

He’s lying. 

Yosano Akiko

Fairly sure that most of Yosano’s books are either medical textbooks or lurid true crime memoirs, complete with grisly photos of murder scenes and autopsies. She reads and rereads those until the covers are falling apart. She probably also reads thrillers and a little bit of horror. Like the Dexter novels, though she scoffs at the implausibility of some of the murders and gore.

Naturally, when she sees you curled up on the couch, your nose buried in a book, she wants to know what it’s about. It doesn’t matter how discreet the cover is, or if you’re reading on your phone/tablet, because she’ll just plop down and start asking you questions, or pause to read over your shoulder.

“What are you reading, you little pervert?” she asks, leaning on your shoulder. 

Her commentary is lowkey hilarious.

“Oh, my~” she teases, before leaning and reading further. “...that’s not biologically possible, but still the concept is kinda hot.”

“Anything more than like eight inches isn’t going to fit inside, you know that right?”

“Ooh, he’s choking her? Turn to the next page. What? No, I won’t go find my own filth to read.”

She does borrow a few of your titles, though her tastes always trend towards darker romance.

Nakahara Chuuya

As much as I love Chuuya, he doesn’t strike me as the type to spend all his time sitting around reading lofty tomes of high-brow literature. He’s a live-in-the-moment kind of guy. While he might pick up the odd book on the recommendation of people whose taste he likes, he enjoys poetry more, or short, punchy novels. If a book you enjoyed gets turned into a movie, he’ll go see it with ya.

Thus, he’s never been introduced to the secret world of spicy novels, from the softcore porn of the 1980s to the roaring trade of indie authors putting out entire sagas of smut today. Totally clueless. Didn’t even realise it was a thing, honestly. His idea of a romance novel is one with a woman in a fancy dress and a shirtless man on the cover, where the scene fades to black before they do it.

Poor, innocent Chuuya.

He just thinks you look cute and cosy when you’re all snuggled up with your books. It doesn’t cross his mind to wonder what you’re reading unless you laugh aloud or gasp or something. Imagine his surprise when he glances your way one day and words jump out at him from the page. Dirty words. And when they’re strung together, the context is even smuttier. He grabs the book from your unsuspecting hands and holds it over your head (or floats it if you’re taller than him, lmao.)

“Whatcha readin’, you little pervert?” he asks, a grin growing on his face. 

“Give it back!”

“Nah, don’t think I will. Is this what you’re readin’ all the time?” He flips through the book, whistling. “Damn, you’re a dirty little thing, aren’t ya?”

Fyodor Dostoevsky

If you think Fyodor somehow doesn’t already know everything you purchase and everything you browse online, then you are a sweet, innocent creature and should be protected from all that is evil and unjust in the world.

But let’s say you’re a little sneak and somehow manage to get your hands on some spicy books without your dearest darling Fedya knowing. You can certainly read them in the long hours that he is away working and perhaps even find a way to store them discreetly on the bookshelf. 

(I doubt you’d be forbidden to read those kinds of books, but it’s still a little embarrassing for you and you might prefer your smirking husband didn’t know about it.)

Ah, but you can only keep secrets from him for so long. One day he abruptly appears behind you. You didn’t expect him home so early, didn’t even know he was coming in, but then there’s just a pale hand reaching over your shoulder to stop you turning the page, and a low, accented voice in your ear.

“Not yet, my darling. I’m not done with this page.”

You yelp, flinging the book across the room, and Fyodor stands up, smiling down at you. He tuts at your treatment of the book, picking it up and dusting it off before he turns it over to look at the cover. His smirk is practically feline, satisfied and amused in equal measure.

“My, my, myshka~ I had no idea that this is what excites you so much.”

[campaignskyjacks]

The more I think about piracy, the more I believe it is the most structurally sound work situation under capitalism.

Every pirate ship was a worker owned company. If you were part of the crew, you were a literal shareholder. You got paid at least one share out of whatever venture you were involved with, and you got to vote on what the ship would do and who would be captain. That's already a pretty ideal situation, but it gets better.

The Captain is paid a double share as the position was seen as difficult and important work. But that is only twice as much as your general crew. Compare that to today's CEO and it's laughable how much more reasonable it is. It goes even further than that though.

The Captain is likely actually working way more than the rest of the crew. Most pirate ships were heavily overstaffed. The general strategy was you would catch up to a prize, board their ship and have like 200 guys. Merchant ships were staffed by capitalists, so they favored lean staffing. They wanted to pay as little wage as possible to maximize profit on the cargo they were transporting. A ship that would be comfortably staffed by 40 was probably being run by 25 to 30. Pirate ships would have way more people, so if they caught up to you there would be absolutely no way you could fight them off.

All of that means pirates didn't actually have to work that hard¹. There were way more people than actual things to do on a pirate ship. Even considering the fact that there is alot to do to keep a ship running, it's diffused over so many people that you really have a lot of down time as a crew. People like the Capitain, the quartermaster, the navigator, the doctor, or the cook all got somewhere between 1.2-2 shares, but they are working so much more than the average buckaneer.

I know some of you must be thinking "well that sounds very nice but the job gets pretty ugly when you're raiding." And the answer there is sort of. Pirates most certainly engaged in some pretty unsavory work and as crew you would be on the front lines of a lot of that. However situations where crew were actually getting in fights and putting their lives in the line were not the norm. A lot of the time pirates were hitting merchant ships, which once again were really understaffed. These people aren't crazy these people are hired to do a job so they're not going to throw their lives away over a couple dozen barrels of coffee or spice. Most of the time a pirate ship would catch up with a merchant ship, raise black flags, and and the captains of each ship would negotiate a surrender. Most of the time pirates were not requesting all of the cargo because the ideal situation is being able to hit the same ship over and over. You want to skim enough cargo that whoever commissioned the merchant ship isn't going to gripe too much about cargo being lost and complain to the navy. That way your crew can have a steady stream of whatever goods coming through to keep your vessel afloat. So most pirate merchant relationships were pretty transactional. The pirates would show up the merchants would give up abortion of their goods and everybody would go on their way.

Which means most of the time your average crew didn't have to do shit!

Pirates also had benefits. Remember when I mentioned you were going to be paid out "at least" one share? Well, if you lost a limb or something in the line of duty you would be afforded bonus shares to compensate the loss. They had entire systems of calculating disability compensation based on what injuries could be expected and how they saw it affecting your life. So if something bad did happen, you'd have pay to cover it.

It gets even better than this. The name "buckaneer" comes from "barbacoa" which was a type of mobile grill that was popular aboard ships². The folks who sailed were so commonly associated with these grills that people created a nickname for the profession based on the grills they used all the time. You'd see a privateer or a pirate at Port Royal and go "oh look, it's one of those guys who barbecues all the time."

Also, they were fucking queer. You've probably already heard that the term "matey" was a form of piratical gay marriage. If you designated someone else on the crew as your mate, if you died your share would go to them. I have to acknowledge that there is a slight chance that this isn't a 100% gay practice, there are conceivably reasons that someone might identify another person as their mate that doesn't have to do with romance or sex. Not a lot of pirates were literate and not many of them kept records of day-to-day life that really survived for historians to document. We can guess but in most circumstances we don't know for sure. But come on, grow the fuck up. These seadogs were banging.

Piracy and the type of sailing adjacent to piracy was a way for a person to make a life for themselves very far away from most of European society. And because of the way gender roles existed at the time, it's pretty much only men hanging out with men. If you happen to have desires that are unpopular at that time which involve other men, this is a pretty good situation for you.

So yeah piracy is a worker owned endeavor with reasonable compensation for management, benefits, frequent barbecues, and plenty of downtime to have all the queer sex you want.

It's one one those things that only exists because of capitalism, but as a response and a rebuke to it. These were endeavors that were so much more reasonable and fair then the legitimate businesses operating at the time.

And yes there were horrors. There was fighting and killing, torture, and worse. That is what the capitalists and colonizers would like us to remember. These things did really happen. However part of that was an effort to preserve and defend this better life people had made for themselves. To keep it alive inspire of the corporations and nations who would exploit or destroy their way of life.

So yeah, there was a lot about piracy that was violent and fucked up. But the truly wild thing is that it probably made more sense for the people involved then whatever you do right now. The next time you get bummed about your job or place in the world remember that piracy makes more sense.

Then go eat some barbecue and have queer sex.

¹This means in OFMD when Izzy was being a little piss baby about the Stede's crew not working hard enough he was 1000% wrong that's how the vast majority of pirates live their lives.

²Worth mentioning that these grills were originally used by native people, so this cool thing was adopted/appropriated by sailors. It did not originate with them.

[cryingpariah]

My One Piece Oc Jackie's opinions on people and organizations in OP

The Strawhats: she really likes them! Be able to visit them even if just for a moment make her work day infinitely better. She knows as a member of the press she has a duty to be unbiased buttt nobody actually follows that so it’s fine. Though she knows that the race to the top is anyone’s game, if she had a personal favourite that was no one’s business but hers.

The Heart Pirates: she can tell how much their captain distrusts her and she respects it in all honestly. He never turns her away anyhow so it’s never an issue and the crew has an infectious sense of humour and camaraderie. They crowd around her and ask for all the juicy gossip the Grandline and New World has to offer and she must say, they make a perfect audience.

The Kid Pirates: like Trafalgar Law, Eustass Captain Kid does not trust Jackie a bit but he also knows the weight of the power of information has so he plays nice. His new strategy lately trying to recruit her, he has found no current success on that front. His promises are many and varied: money (she had plenty of savings), protection (she was an excellent fighter thank you very much), incessant asks from their little winged pirate-to-be (tempting but Big News waits for no man, woman, or mink).

The Seven Warlords of the Sea: she thinks the the entire idea of the Warlord system is stupid and can be too easily taken advantage of by cruel and powerful pirates (and it was..twice). She also think the pirates who join are somewhat sellouts. Isn’t the whole appeal of being a pirate is playing by no one’s rules but your own? Choosing to join the Marines, even adjacently, feels like a cop out to her. The only exceptions in her eyes are Pirate Empress Boa Hancock and First Son of the Sea Jimbei since they so obviously joined to save their people.

(Her personal rankings go something like Jimbei, Boa, Mihawk, Crocodile, Gecko Moria, Donquixote Doflamingo.)

(Kuma remains unranked so far, something in her gut tells her there’s more than meets the eyes with the Tyrant.)

The Admirals: she understands for genuinely world ending threats they are a needed force but for anything below that feels like complete overkill. Whenever she’s at Marineford she usually gets dragged into doing some secretarial work for them which depending on who it is can range from an honestly pleasent interaction to her fantasizing about shoving his head through a electric meat grinder.

(Her ranking goes Fujitora, Kuzan, Kizaru, Akainu, and then Ryokugu.)

The Underworld: hates it and the overwhelming majority of people involved in it. To be fair there’s nothing to like about it anyway, it’s a swirling cesspool of the worst humanity has to offer (yes that includes her too). Other than her boss Stussy is the only one she can tolerate.

Big News Morgan: likes him because they’re so similar and hates him because they’re too similar. She’s grateful for him taking her in and she loves her job but she also knows he just kinda sucks?? As a person?? If she thinks about it too hard it makes her dizzy with indecision so she tries not to.

Red Haired Pirates: The weird drunk uncles of the sea, they loved snatching her hat away to ruffle her hair and asking her to join in on whatever merry pirate ditty they happened to be belting out, she declined and instead procured an instrument to jam along with. Shanks was easily one of the most convoluted individuals she’s ever met, she’s dying to know what makes him tick even though she knows he’ll never tell her. A girl can dream, can’t she?

Dark King Rayleigh + Former Empress Shakky: she’s in awe of them! She practically begs to hear his tales of his time as the right hand man to the King of the Pirates and her anecdotes as ruler of the Amazon Lily! Rayleigh usually acquiesces but occasionally he (and Shakky) like to tease her for her eagerness but she can’t help it!! They’re just so cool!!

Whitebeard Pirates: if she’s there, it’s always for a big order and a big order usually means either weapons restock or a party. The members of the Whitebeard pirates always seem worried about her, offering hot meals and checkups while she’s there and threatening to head up to the WE NEWS blimp whenever she complains about work. She doubles down, acts extremely cheery the next time she sets foot on the Moby Dick and it works…mostly. Edward Newgate, father to dozens of wayward souls can’t be tricked with a child’s lie.

Big Mom Pirates: she had the pleasure of meeting Charlotte Linlin shortly after being taken in so she got Mom mode for 2.5 years. The Charlottes have taken to her in all their years of business together and are delightful hosts when she visits. It probably helps that she shares a birthday with a Sweet Commander so they love to invite her to Whole Cake Island to celebrate together!

Beast Pirates: she actively has to be forced to go to Wano, the SMILE Fruits users give her the heebie jeebies! Not to mention once when discussing some newly produced and shipped North Blue scotch The King of Beasts had called for her and, while incredibly drunk, started rambling to her about his lack of willingness to live. It went on for a while before a Tobi Roppo member found them and escorted her out. Easily the longest 20 mins of her life…

Blackbeard Pirates: truly and wholly detests them, especially their captain. She keeps a calm and indifferent mask on when she has to interact with them but she refuses niceties. Teach is offended by this and loudly recalls memories of how sweet and accommodating she was back on the Moby Dick whenever she’s in earshot.

Cross Guild: the business model of placing bounties on Marines for even civilians to collect and then when said civilians are marked as criminals welcoming them into the group is ingenious! She’s surprised no one has thought of it before. The idea of Buggy being its head with Sir Crocodile and Dracule Mihawk acting as his wings is laughable. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that just happened! Now if she could only get 5 mins alone with the Genius Jester, she’s sure she can get the real story…

The Revolutionary Army: if she wasn’t very dedicated to her current job, she could definitely see herself as a member. Conflicts of interest to her lifestyle aside, she really wants them to succeed and is usually the one pushing for their stories to be the front page. If she ever spots some Revs on a mission she��ll, despite her curiosity, leave them to their work. And if a stray arrows happens to knock aside some marines and move some slaves away from a nearby explosion…well who’s to say it was her? Forgery is on the rise lately yknow? You can never be too sure…

[chussyracing]

Learning F1 Race Strategy from Former Ferrari, Haas and Alfa Romeo Strategist Ruth Buscombe! – a summary

i love Ruth so i finally made time to watch this interview (she absolutely floored those guys) and made notes for anyone who doesn't have 2 hours of their day to spend on this

she got Seb his first win for Ferrari

she loves Netflix

she uses racing language in her life since her partner is in F1 too

she only ever worked in F1 (started in Ferrari)

she liked sports as a kid, played soccer but probably wasn't too good

her dad was a big McLaren fan

she liked maths at school and was a strange kid and got bullied for it

did masters thesis in collab with FIA focused on DRS because she specialised on thermal and aerospace

she believes she was the only person who got skinny after moving to italy because she has moving sickness, so she threw up basically every day

got headhunted by Ferrari after school

she was excited about porpoising coming back to f1 in 2022 with the new regs, because she did a project on it

she was a McLaren fan, always wanted to get hired by McLaren, got into Ferrari by accident, went to the interview only as a free trip to Ferrari and took it as practice for her McLaren interview

they took her out for dinner afterwards and carbs are way to her heart, everything was so fancy ("even the soap at the bathroom")

McLaren wasn’t cool, just old and grey

didn’t even tell her father she went to Ferrari at first because she was afraid

Ferrari was her home and also a benchmark that she compares everything to now

in 2016 she joined Sauber and the finances were handled completely differently

as a strategist, they have points when they know if they have time to make a decision, they can check with others, sometimes they can make decisions on their own under time pressure (so if they are in s1 and pit entry is in s3 they know they have time to check with everyone first for example)

she worked with Fred for years in Sauber, if they made a mistake, they explained after, but Fred is very expressive facially so they knew immediately

Fred doesn’t add fuel to the pitwall, he doesn’t get in their way at all

she worked with wide range of drivers that operated differently (some like info before the race, some in the middle, Kimi didn’t like too much radio)

with Charles in his debut year 2018, he did a little reminders where she told him which plan and he repeated what the plan means

in her strategy team, she would have Seb (knows a lot), Max (does a lot with tyres), Lando (gamer, can do typing quickly) and Fernando (can find grey areas in rules)

her fave strategy is plan C in Monaco which is rainy strategy going from wets to slicks and they scored points (as the only car going from outside of points into points) with Valtteri this year (or was it last?)

sometimes you also come up with wacky strategy

best in in laps/outlaps is Lewis for her

este takes blue flags the worst, marcus ericsson is the blue flag champion, valtteri had to practice blue flags since he came from a top team and almost didn't see any

played a lot of poker since there is some maths in it

she is a sore loser and very competitive, she cannot have fun when playing board games, everyone hates her when she plays so she is banned from it

she goes to gym every day so she has to do laundry often

on her to do list she likes to cross out the hard tasks first, then the easy ones

if your pitwall is near the pit exit, there is a lot of dust on your skin by the end of the day so sometimes you shower twice a day

under stress your heartbeat goes higher so she does training to tackle this and learn not to make decisions under stress

a lot of people fainted around qatar, she didn’t and was very proud

her job is about 50% maths and 50% communication

she wanted vegas gp since 2013, next she would like Long Beach

she would change safety car delta to make the pitting decision 50/50 worth of risk or reward whereas now everyone pits

if a strategist loses a race by being undercut one race, there is a big chance they will get overcut the next one

ther is a group of people in the strategy department because you could be too predictable as a person (for example you could use the same strategy for the same track every year)

[laura1633]

Currently thinking of the chaotic mastermind that is Fred Vasseur and always the alphabet of Ferrari strategies. It is plan V for Verstappen.

Fred noticed how Max just is around Charles and decides to capitalise on it. He purposely chose a blue race suit, makes sure they’re in the drivers press conference together, and tells Charles to stick as close as possible to Max the whole weekend. Charles is a bit confused but he’s never one to turn down time with Max and he’d like to see his reaction to Charles properly flirting anyway!

Cue Charles being as distracting as possible either in a cute way by excitedly talking about introducing their pets to each-other in Max’s ear on live tv or by being a sexual menace and bending down to pick up his AirPods directly in front of Max after being indecent with a water bottle. It’s hot in Miami and he’s very clumsy okay 😅

The actual plan V is called out over the car radio and Charles has an early lap dance/battle with a very confused and worked up Max before the Red Bull can completely pull away- racing directly with Charles is not helping the situation at all. After one particularly good overtake Charles blows a kiss towards Max and the Dutchman goes completely wide losing valuable positions!

Everyone agrees it’s a very successful Ferrari strategy and Charles is pleased with how his own experiment went- it gives him the courage to ask Max out in fact.

Haha Ferrari getting inventive - Charles blowing Max a kiss in the race would probably be the only thing to put him off his race! It's a risky strategy though because I can imagine Max racing twice as hard to get back to the front alongside Charles so he can get another kiss blown.

Ferrari getting all the way down to strategy V would not surprise me in the slightest though 😂

But then Red Bull don't want to be beaten on strategy so the next race they will probably make Max walk into the press conference and just sit in Charles' lap or something 😍 Max does it happily because by then he is already (secretly) dating Charles.

[pyropsychiccollector]

Persona 3 Reload: Elizabeth Boss Battle

While I could probably be called a layman to Persona - a newb, a greenhorn... I do empathize with anyone trying to clear this final, "secret" boss battle that is pretty grueling, if I do say so myself. (人◕ω◕);;; I drew up this "strategy guide" for my own remembrance, but if anyone wants tips or ideas, you can feel free to consult this. I'll just leave it up here. It's, generally, easy to follow and borrows from guides on the internet I've read. I didn't follow them to the letter exactly, and yet I managed to come out of this fight alive twice thus far... Make adjustments of your own if you need to; this is just what I cobbled together, and it works for me. Proud owner of 2 Omnipotent Orbs over here, and hope to get more in the future. ... Even if Elizabeth kicks my ass several times along the way. (人◕ω◕)

... But I digress. Here's my notes. I heavily advise using a calculator or scratch paper to keep a record of how much damage you deal to Elizabeth... You're gonna need to know when you hit certain thresholds. Also - I managed to beat her without maxing the stats of my Personas. Made things a bit harder for myself because of that, but I still mustered victory twice with stats and levels across the board. It's easier with higher leveled Persona's, so I advise grinding as much as possible. You don't need max stats... Just get them to where you're comfortable. You're in for one tough fight regardless if you're maxed out or not.

Also... Before going into Tartarus, I advise going to the fortuneteller at Club Escapade to get a Soul Fortune. You'll build up Theurgy much quicker, and the fight can be much easier for it. Do as you like~

~*~

The Rules

For this fight, you'll be battling alone... Once you leave your party members at the entrance, journey up to Floor 255 and down into the deepest parts of the Monad Door there. And you'll need to keep in mind to not equip anything that nullifies/absorbs/reflects Elizabeth's elemental attacks. You can use Personas that have such resistances, but be careful. If she launches an attack and you break her rules, she'll nuke you with Megidolaon and you'll have to start the fight over. Be mindful of your team and what stage of the fight she's in. You'll have 50 turns to bring her down to 0, but as you'll soon see... They get used up pretty quickly. Come prepared to hit her strong and hard - and definitely stock up on materials, you'll need the healing and status buffs/debuffs.

~*~

My best Personas for the fight (feel free to modify these to your own liking; this is just what I used):

Orpheus Telos

Salvation, Single-Target Boost, Spell Master, Firm Stance, Ice Boost, Ice Amp, Concentrate, Diamond Dust

Helel

Almighty Boost, Almighty Amp, Heat Riser, Spell Master, Firm Stance, Endure, Morning Star, Resist Ice

Messiah

Enduring Soul, Morning Star, Spell Master, rest of moves up to your discretion

Chi You

Arms Master, Brave Blade, Charge, Firm Stance, Single-Target Boost, Resist Elec, Slash Boost, Slash Amp

Lucifer (only good for Phase 1; I have Debilitate on him, saves me Debilitator Sutras for Phase 3)

~*~

Items to stock up on (feel free to add or subtract from this list; these are what I most commonly used):

Empowering Sutras/Heat Riser Potatos

Somas

Debilitator Sutras

~*~

Items equipped:

Lucifer's Blade

Armor of Light

Shoes of Light

Amritite Necklace (shields you from ailments, highly recommend)

~*~

Necessary Theurgy:

Armageddon

Recommended Theurgy:

Trickster

~*~

Phase 1:

Elizabeth can be a vexing opponent, but she does have patterns if you prolong the battle enough and observe her. For this first phase, she'll only attack twice each turn with a different Persona each round. Usually status buffs/debuffs, elemental moves, and physical moves. The order of elements she goes in are: Fire, Ice, Electric, Wind, Light, Dark, Status Ailments, and Almighty.

To break it down a little for you - Helel can be used for those first four types; he absorbs Light and Dark, so when those turns come around swap him out. Helel is mainly used for Heat Riser and Morning Star. Orpheus Telos can be used any turn, and I use him for the Concentrate move, mostly - it doubles the damage of your next magic attack. Don't worry if you use Heat Riser on the next turn, Concentrate will still be active. During this phase, I will occasionally throw Lucifer out to Debilitate Elizabeth, debuffing her stats; this first phase is rather open-ended, just be mindful of what type of moves she's going to use next and how much damage you've dealt to her.

Cycle through Concentrate, Heat Riser, Morning Stars, and Theurgies to whittle her down from 20,000 to at least 13,000. There are elemental attack strategies, too, but I was alright using Morning Star Almighty damage, chiefly. And Theurgies like Trickster (save Armageddon for later, you will NEED it). Occasionally throw in Debilitate to hit harder; Lucifer is best used on turns after she uses Surt (fire), Thor (electric), and Alice (dark) (if Lucifer is equipped ON those turns, you break her rules because of his resistances. Be careful.).

Depending if you get her lower than 10,000, she skips Phase 2. Otherwise, get ready for Phase 2 after getting her below 13,000.

Phase 2:

Elizabeth will praise you for your efforts, and buff herself with Concentrate. This is your cue.

Switch to Messiah to endure and restore your health from her Megidolaon (or whatever Persona of yours has Enduring Soul; I highly recommend carrying one with Enduring Soul because it saves you a turn of healing up). Then, hit her hard with Morning Stars or Theurgy attacks to get her down from 13,000 to the 9999 threshold, you'll have three turns to pull this off; if you fail, she'll hit you with another Megidolaon and you'll have to start the fight over. Be mindful of how much SP you have, I certainly recommend leveling up as much as possible for this fight. Once she hits this new threshold, she jumps into Phase 3.

Phase 3:

Elizabeth praises you again and recovers her health back to 20,000. Frustrating, I know, but this is the home stretch believe it or not. If you skipped Phase 2, you might want to take a turn to use a Soma. ... Heck, you might want to use an SP recovery item anyway, if you're pretty low.

Otherwise, jump into Chi You. Do not forget this. Elizabeth will now be using two Persona each turn, but still get two attacks only; after she cycles through Fire/Ice, Electric/Wind, Light/Dark, she'll start varying it up (in my experience, she does ailment/electric next, but after that she has a new cycle to pay attention to). Chi You has no resistances to worry about, and as long as you watch for physical resistances on her end, you should be able to whittle her back down to the 9999 threshold. Just keep using Charge + Brave Blade, and heal yourself when necessary. Pop one or two Theurgies if you want (again, save Armageddon for later), toss Debilitator Sutras at her if you'd like to weaken her, and Empowering Sutras on yourself. Elizabeth's a glutton for punishment... so go ham.

Important!

Be very careful to not get her below 10,000 without switching to Helel. You need his Endure ability to survive her last Megidolaon. Or, again, if you have a different Persona with Endure just use what you're comfortable with.

Also: SAVE YOUR THIRD THEURGY FOR ARMAGEDDON. Feel free to use Theurgy moves, at most, twice before getting her close to 10,000 hp. Remember to keep in mind where you are on her health bar, the game won't tell you. Around the 11-12,000 mark, hold back on using Theurgy. Save up for the next one. Chi You should be able to whittle down the remainder, and once she's as close to 10,000 as possible, switch to Helel. Use Morning Star to get her below 10,000. Endure kicks in automatically for her last attack (her grand finale, as she calls it). At last, hit her with the Armageddon Theurgy. This always deals 9999 damage, and you need to save this for last because it can only be used once. If you use it up prior to this, you've lost the fight. Trying to attack Elizabeth normally after she's below 10,000 is a futile effort - she'll just heal back up, and cast Megidolaon on you eventually. You've got one shot, but if you've roughly been following what I did here... Pat yourself on the back and enjoy the post-battle chat with Lizzy~ You'll get no EXP from this fight, no materials.... Just a Platinum Bookmark for bragging rights.

If you talk to her at the entrance of Tartaros, she'll give you an Omnipotent Orb. That's your main reward for the Hell she put you through. ^_^ Unfortunately, you can't use it against her in any subsequent NG+ playthrough, but the orb does carry over to NG+. As stated above, Lizzy does not appreciate her elemental attacks not connecting... She will nuke you if you break her rules. Lizzy wants to play, so play nice~

If you stuck it out this long, I salute you. Most other guides are more professional and more in-depth, I suppose. But I figure not everyone has the patience to prepare perfectly for a fight with Elizabeth, not with max levels and stats for Personas... Those can take a while to grind. This is just how I managed it, and I'm throwing my ideas out there for anyone else struggling. (人◕ω◕)

[scrapratsoldier]

IT'S THE FIRST DRINK they have together.

The second they have as friends. By the fourth, Cal isn’t so sure. He hasn’t had a lot of close friends or hard liquor. The way their eyes seem to hold longer with every refill could be as common as sand on Tattooine.

Greez glances at them from time to time as he polishes glasses, countertops, and bottles. He throws one or even two elbows into Monk's side vent to encourage the droid to do what you were made for, huh with a gesture. Cal and Bode are never empty, even with Monk, and Zee, too, steering themselves and their conversation clear of the two men sitting at the end of the bar closest to the back access.

None of that is inherently strange. Neither is the way they lean towards each other to hear over the three songs on replay (gotta get on Greez about that) or how the trust between them, between two survivors, makes it easier to talk about the past— they’ve already saved each other's lives and shared grief in the short time they’ve been acquainted. The first time Bode looks at Cal's mouth when Cal smiles isn’t all that exceptional. It’s by the fourth that Cal isn’t so sure.

Cal is more than a lightsaber, Greez said, but Cal isn't so sure about that either. All he knows is war. He knows how to survive. When you let loose, how loose? He has to be ready for anything. Just not this type of anything. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do with a look or even four. He doesn't know what to do about the hand on his thigh when they laugh so hard he almost chokes on his Slippery Monk (which was part of the joke, what an awful name for a cocktail). He doesn't know what it means when Bode, with something encrypted behind his stare, casually asks, "Show me your workbench?"

Cal almost doesn't want to show him his workbench. He knows how to say no, yes, and maybe, but Cal is a survivor. His instincts are sharp. He knows when he's being backed into a corner, and that's why he almost doesn't lead him down the stairs, past the storage and the kitchen, to the little room Greez had set up for him over five years ago with the hope that, someday, the Jedi would rest in it. He could take the stairs back up to the bar; he could dive down the smuggler's tunnel; or burst out the last door into the street; even with all of these exits, Cal does not have an exit strategy.

Cal is a survivor, and letting Bode back him into the corner of the room feels like it goes against everything he's ever learned.

"I'm not twice shy once bitten, Kestis," Bode's thick arms pen him, his head lulled nonthreateningly, his dark, glossy hair dusting the shoulder pad of his armor; eyes lazily closed; smile rosy from drink and anticipation. "Either way you wanna take that." He does not touch Cal, but his breath does, tickling Cal's crop of violent red hair; and his intent does. "You just let me know."

"I," Cal breathes, his eyes at half mast, the buckles tinking on his vest as his chest quietly heaves, and he fights, he fights the fight in himself. His arms are rigid at his sides, tied up as tightly as they've ever been.

"I don't know. What I'm supposed to say."

"What do you want to say?" Bode prompts. He smells like sweat, oil, and alcohol, and if any of that should be a deterrent, it is not. He smells like hot metal and hard work.

"I don't know," Cal says stiffly.

"The only wrong answer," Bode says, lifting his head and examining Cal's pink, freckled face up close. "Is the one you'll hate yourself for. Or me. I'm your friend, Cal. That can extend past the battlefield."

Cal's jaw knots. He looks down. His Adam's apple bobs when he swallows. "The type of friend you're talking about. I've mixed the two before," Cal says. Merrin. Never again. "It…complicates things."

Bode chuckles. Shakes his head.

Cal looks up at him quizzically.

"It's already complicated," Bode says. His eyes shine bittersweetly. "It's always complicated. I'm just trying to survive. War…"

Bode lifts his hand from the wall, and after a short stall of hesitation, he slides it against the side of Cal's neck. A warm, heavy weight. Encouraged, when Cal's lashes flutter and his mouth parts.

"War," Bode says again, his thumb stroking the deep scar on Cal's cheek. "Hardens you. I want to stay soft. For my daughter. For Tayala's memory of me."

Cal leans in with a shiver like Bode's is the first hand that has ever touched him, his own hands reaching up to cusp the sides of Bode's face. Bode presses their foreheads together and steps closer. He turns his face in and, in a husky whisper, murmurs, "Let me soften you, Cal."

Cal is a survivor.

Bode is too.

Cal knows he's not alone, but when Bode lifts him off the floor, wraps Cal's legs around his slim waist, and carries him. When they both tuck into the tiny bed cubby and laugh because Bode bumps his head. When they shed their armor and clothes. When their hands and mouths cannot still, and Bode moves in him, and, after, they take turns talking about their scars… He really feels it.

Not alone.

And he wants to be soft, too.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Agitation 3.9 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

He didn’t get a chance to see if they listened.  Darkness swelled at the bank’s entrance, then flooded into the street like water from a broken dam.  In seconds, the hostages were hidden from sight and the Wards were forced to retreat several paces to keep from being swallowed up. Inside the bank, Grue mused, “That should give them a reason to think twice before blindly opening fire where they can’t see.  I’m liking this.  We ready for part two?” “Just don’t hurt the hostages,” I said, glancing back at the thirty that were still inside.

The thing is, as far as I can tell, from everything I know about Worm, for all that Taylor is now and further becomes a villain, she never loses the desire to make things better, to help people, to save lives.

Like, she definitely becomes unquestionably a villain in an in-universe sense, and crosses a fuckton of moral lines even from our out of universe perspective, but - Taylor never goes to 'Evil' Protagonist, from what I know

I'm curious if I'll change that view.

“That hesitation before Aegis gave the orders to the hostages… it didn’t fit.” “If you’ve figured something out, spit it out,” Grue spoke in his echoing voice, “We need to move now, before they get reorganized!” “Bitch, you’re going after Clockblocker.  Stay away from Aegis, got it?” Bitch didn’t even respond, digging her heels into Judas’ sides and ducking her head to avoid hitting it on the top of the door as they raced out. “What the fuck are you doing?” Grue growled, “She’s going-” “They switched costumes.   Aegis is wearing Clockblocker’s costume and vice versa.”

Seems an odd strategy? Is the idea people will underestimate 'Clockblocker' and be willing to get close to 'Aegis', not realizing what they're getting into?

It dawned on me how badly that could have fucked us.  Bitch’s dogs would have attacked the person they thought was Aegis, and gotten tagged by Clockblocker instead.  In one fell swoop, we would have lost the majority of our offensive power.

I suppose, but that seems a trick you only try once. Then again, those dogs are pretty tough.

Either way, something was getting to me.  I raised my hands to rub my temples, remembered my mask, and sighed, folding my arms instead.

Amy fucking with the Black Widows' brains?

She was going straight for Clockblocker, who was dressed as Aegis. “No, no, no,” I muttered, “You idiot.” At the last possible second, she changed course and went for the real Aegis.

Smart move. I get you calling her an idiot at this point, but she does have a successful career behind her, so that counts for something, I think. Give her some credit, Taytay.

I thought I might have heard the impact from the interior of the bank.  Or maybe it was as auditory illusion and my bugs were the ones who heard it.  Either way, Aegis hit the ground hard enough to kill an ordinary person.

I like that Taylor isn't actually sure what is her bugs and what isn't.

At the same time, Clockblocker was fighting off the bugs I’d sent out.    Within a fraction of a second of a bug making contact with Clockblocker or his costume, he froze it.  My power simply stopped telling me the bug was there, as if they had disappeared from the face of the planet.  In reality, they were just suspended in time.  Stuck in the air, immobile, untouchable. But that same power could work against him, I was thinking.  I made my bugs surge forward, surround him, aiming to cover his entire body.  I was pretty sure he couldn’t disable the effects of his power, so if he wanted to freeze all of the bugs I had crawling on him, he’d trap himself in a prison of his own making.

He was good at thinking on his feet, though, or he’d faced similar tactics before, because he had an answer for that.  Clockblocker spun in a tight circle, freezing the bugs as his body rotated, so that they were only affected when the part of his body they were on was facing away from the bank.

I guess Clockblocker can't just be the comic relief character.

Then he decided to try ignoring the swarm.  I seized the opportunity to bite and sting him twenty or so times.  The surprise and pain distracted him from his evasive maneuvers, and he wound up clotheslining himself as he froze the insects on his face while still running forward.  He went from a head on run to landing on his back with his feet still in the air.

*cackle*

I directed the bugs to the areas where his skin was exposed, and piloted them into the gaps between his skin and his costume.

Gyah! *shudder* I wonder just how many times I'm gonna do that before I get used to it. This is what Taylor's power does.

It was ironic.  I wouldn’t have been able to do this if he hadn’t switched costumes with his teammate.  Clockblocker’s usual costume covered every inch of his skin, like mine did.  Probably for much the same reason.

Taylor Hebert, outsmarting people because they outsmart themselves since 2011!

I could settle that inner turmoil later and decide on a way to make amends to Clockblocker at the same time.  There were still five Wards and a stranger on the rooftop to be taken out, if I wanted to stay out of jail.

Taylor, isn't what you did to Clock enough nightmare fuel for one Arc?

Oh boy, this is just gonna get better and better! Super glad Skitter isn't real, but I do love reading about her.

I just...

I'm gonna go invest in some bug spray. A lot of bug spray.

[mister-eames]

"Well this is just fantastic, isn't it," he mutters, switching gears into fifth and checking the rear view again for any pursuers. They've been in the clear for the last twenty minutes but is compelled to look again anyway. "Hmm? What now?"

"Safehouse," Arthur says, clipped, distracted with his phone. "Just over the border."

"You have a contingency for everything, don't you," Eames says, aiming for breezy, but missing the target by a mile. "Bloody Arthur and his bloody back up plans."

Arthur raises his brow, but doesn't stop typing.

"I bet you had a backup plan for this too, hmm?" Eames continues, pressing the accelerator, taking his hand from the gear stick to gesture to Arthurs’ battered body.

"Can you shut up and pay attention to the road?"

"You know,” Eames ignores him, “normal people don't plan for getting hurt. You're not normal."

"Says you," Arthur sighs, finally putting the phone down. 

"Yes, says me, the one who doesn't have a broken wrist and a knife wound."

"It was a letter opener."

Eames scoffs. “And you were too fucking slow.”

Arthur shifts in his seat. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing at all," he turns a corner, hard, jostling both of them. "Was that what I was, Arthur - a backup plan?"

“What?”

“Am I here as a part of your backup plan? A getaway driver?”

“Jesus,” Arthur mutters. 

Out of the corner of his eye Eames sees him shake his head. He opens his mouth to speak but shuts it quickly, shaking his head again. It stokes Eames’ anger even more. Of course he’s just another piece in Arthur’s designs. Part of the strategy. Stupid of him. Of course Arthur would know that he’d be here, that he’d do anything for him. That he’d be willing to hotwire a car for him. To lead when Arthur is down. 

“What? Spit it out.”

“You--” Arthur cuts himself off, jaw visibly clenched. “You’re an idiot.”

Eames scowls. “Fuck you, Arthur.”

Arthur whacks him with his good hand. “I can drive one-handed, asshole. I don’t need you here.”

"Well, let me just pull over then, since I’m clearly of no use.”

“Listen,” Arthur whacks him again, turning in his seat to lean in. “I don’t need you here. We could have split up back there, but I asked you to run with me - can you fucking think about that? Do I need to spell it out for you? You’re not a backup plan -- there. You happy?” Arthur sits back heavily in his seat, petulance radiating off of him in waves. “Asshole.”

Eames eases up on the gas as they approach a border checkpoint, going over Arthur’s words, the ire churning his gut easing bit by bit. 

“You want me here,” he concludes. 

Arthur remains silent.

The car slows to a stop behind a short queue of cars. Eames watches as Arthur busies himself with their passports, mouth pursed in a frown, colour high on his cheeks. 

If it all goes right, they will be stuck in this safehouse of Arthur’s for at least a week. Maybe two. And thats...

... A prospect suddenly much more easier to bear. Eames smiles. 

Slowly, so as to not spook him while he’s defensive, Eames extends his hand out and casually places it over Arthur’s, squeezing twice, stomach somersaulting like he’d just reached into a tigers cage. Arthur doesn’t shake him off. 

The car inches forward, next in line. Eames hopes Arthur realises he means that there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, even if they were in a row, or outrunning a storm of bullets. Nowhere else at all.

He thinks Arthur knows. If not, Eames will be sure to tell him properly, later.

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #104

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 6, Every Day, Ending Credits

...

Sideburns Check

The sideburns have shortened. They look similar to Crowley driving in episode 1 where he said "two minutes" as a clue to indicate that's how much time he needed to finish. He is indeed on screen with these sideburns for less than two minutes.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

The above image is brightened to show the potential streak better.

Again, like in episode 1, if the streak is there, it actually moved over to the right side of Crowley's head instead of being in its usual place above the center of his left eye.

...

Hairstyle Changes

The sideburns have shortened. The streak might have moved. The top hair in the center is curving on both sides to center that hair as it goes upward. There's a darkened gap above Crowley's left side of his left eye.

...

Earthly Objects

(For reference: Earthly Objects)

Something resembling physical earthly object touches has started, but the lighting and framing of the credits are messing with the view. Crowley has his back to the seat. His blurred hand is touching the steering wheel. His right thumb is visibly moving in part of the driving that's happening during the credits.

The above image is brightened.

During this sequence, around when Aziraphale smiles before they both disappear in a blur, Crowley raises his head back enough to reveal a pocket of hair aligned with the roof of the car. There is a second pocket of hair that's even harder to find and see as he lowers his head not long before he disappears.

Crowley's side of the credits actually lights up enough so that, depending on the lighting of your screen, you can see his eyes through the sunglasses. Those eyes are looking at Aziraphale's side of the screen. It looks like Crowley closes his eyes briefly and narrows them.

As noted back in my post about the pub visit, Crowley's lacking smile might actually be him still following whatever the advanced rules are with the pockets since he never smiles during the touches of The Pocket Trick or The Door Trick. If not, I still think he at least has a strategy in motion.

Are these good things or bad things? Well, if the credits scrolling over Crowley are any indication, they are good things because "Good Omens" appears over Crowley's shot twice.

Still, Season 3 isn't going to start off saying everything is fine, never mind, no problems, or whatever. The emotions during the argument were tense and presumably real.

...

Heaven, Hell, and Earth are represented in this sequence. The Heaven reference is obvious with Aziraphale being in the elevator that was used as the threshold to Heaven during episodes 5 and 6.

Crowley's car was Hell during episode 1 when Beelzebub summoned him.

The plants behind Crowley represent his and Aziraphale's love and connection with Earth. The plants were used for the Green in the Rainbow Connection.

...

Story Commentary

What a ride, huh? Pun very much intended.

I went through the whole season. I didn't cover every scene since I focused so much on Crowley, but still, I went through all the Crowley scenes.

On the subject of whose POV this story is, I go with thinking of it as largely shared among all the characters, but if you want to find the main character POV, I'll say, for my reading, it's not Aziraphale.

It's Crowley.

All you gotta do is look at the bookends.

...

But if you want more assurance than that, it helps to play The Sideburns Scheme and Earthly Objects. It's hard to find 6 Threshold Tricks performed mainly by Crowley and then think Aziraphale's the main character POV. I certainly wouldn't do it. I am of course very biased, but still, I think my play of the games in reaching that conclusion was worthwhile.

...

See you around. Thanks for the time in reading, liking, and/or reblogging the posts in this series.

...

That's it for this post. Sometimes I edit my posts, FYI.

...

Main post:

The Sideburns Scheme

[anditookthatmetaphorically]

hi. if you're in this tag, you're suffering, so here's some things that work for me. i can make no promises about how WELL they work, in my experience every flare is different and i'm keenly aware how lucky i am that i only get flares (knock on wood). but i know how it is to be in so much anguish that you're willing to try anything, and i've been in this tag myself looking for help i couldn't find, so here goes.

(other sufferers please feel free to add your own strategies as well, even if they directly contradict mine. this beast is different for everyone it hurts.)

STUFF THAT HELPS ME:

for some reason, sitting with my feet propped up, with one leg straight and one bent. the more horizontal the better, with as little pressure on the trouble spots as physically possible. (fully inclining to get all my blood to go up instead of down can help too.)

ibuprofen or other painkillers, efficacy varies.

vibration. not in a sexy way, think massage levels at a steady and unchanging rate, and not for too long. at the right angle it seems to overwhelm my nerves and make them stop trying to send information. (i mostly use this when i'm feeling active pain, it's not helpful if the sensation is only distracting, and too much pressure will make it worse.)

getting off, but, and this is important - CONSCIOUSLY RELAXING immediately afterward, every muscle in my body, and staying that way as long as possible. i do this even when i'm not in the middle of a flare in hopes of rewiring my physiology to not immediately roar back to attention. sometimes it can trick my body into accepting whatever satiating hormones are getting released as enough to (mostly) turn off, at least for a while. twice is the max before i try something else.

as much as possible, i try not to get off more than twice in the same day. often by the third or fourth time i am actively making the flare worse, or i'm risking a flare if i'm not already having one.

for some fucking reason i tend to bloat up during one of these, so lately i use peppermint to try to address that. not sure how well it works yet, but if you're bloating, you can probably tell how much worse that's making it, try to bring it down any way you can.

this requires doctor buy-in but muscle relaxants can help me sometimes, if nothing else they'll help me sleep through it. diazepam varies for me, it can make things better or do nothing, it's a toss-up.

the yoga position "happy baby." i don't do it right since i don't know how to yoga, but it tends to hurt my back for a while which can be nice and distracting, and when that eventually goes away it helps with taking the pressure off as much as possible. i haven't tested it for very long periods because it's hard to do anything in that position except think about how much i hate having pgad, which means i'm thinking about the problem, which doesn’t help.

progesterone supplements help. i'm afab so i don't know if this will help amab people but if you can talk your doctor into it, allegedly it's supposed to calm everything down. however, messing with your hormones in any way always runs the risk of making it worse, so be aware.

brief, inconsistent pressure. kind of the same thing as the vibration, it's about overloading the nerves so they shut up for a minute (which i'm aware may be a quirk of mine and not a universal experience). think more scratching or pinching, less pressing or rubbing. again doesn’t really help with arousal, just pain.

keeping an empty bladder. i don't know why, it's just generally worse for me if it's full, so i go early and often.

STUFF I AVOID:

ice. for me this is the definition of short term relief in exchange for long term suffering, no matter how much relief i get in the moment it's going to be ten times worse later and tends to only prolong the flare.

lidocaine gel. i might get a little relief from this, but not much, and i suspect all it really does is make me unaware just how much pressure i'm putting on the area, which only agitates everything and makes things worse when the numbness wears off.

ssris. i know these are marketed as a treatment for this condition, which is wild to me because i got mine from taking ssris and you'd have to strap me down and sedate me to get me to take them again. i have basically become very hyperaware of any med that can potentially mess with my serotonin in particular and will immediately reject one if i start to feel a flare coming on when i start taking it. i also request that my doctor start me on very low doses of anything we suspect of being a trigger, so i can hopefully catch it before it gets bad.

i already kinda mentioned it but getting off too often, this invariably makes everything so much worse and the sensation and the desperation only increase over time. if i fuck up like this sometimes squeezing in the right place to reduce as much blood flow to the trouble spot as i possibly can will help, but only temporarily, and ideally i can recover enough to move on to a distraction technique instead.

thinking about it, which is why i'm going to have to stop working on this post now and try to do something else (reading and gaming and watching video essays or doing more than one thing at once tends to be my go-to, i tend to be unable to focus on a hobby that requires too much active thinking like drawing or writing or studying during a flare).

again you know your situation better than i ever will, unfortunately, so if you already know something on this list will just make it worse, please don't try that. if something that doesn’t work for me works for you then thank god something works, do that thing i beg.

best of luck and i hope you can find relief somewhere, in those thin places we have to accept as the best we can get for now.

[silentreigns]

Actually while we're on this topic, can we mention Daniel and his fans' reactions about him punting Yuki off track — oop I meant "overtaking Yuki" — in Mexico last year? Because that was some hardcore microaggressions against Yuki and nobody ever recognizes it.

Daniel had similar incidents with Magnussen (twice last year) and Sainz. Both got apologies from him immediately after the race, he took accountability for all of those incidents in the media after the race.

He punts Yuki's car off the track trying to overtake him. He doesn't apologize. Claims he does nothing wrong, despite the FIA giving him a penalty for this exact incident. Essentially argues that Yuki was to blame because he was on faster tires so Yuki should have just let him through (embarrassing argument from a literal race car driver to begin with, he's on a better tire strategy and still can't overtake a slower car?). So, Yuki, the only person of an underrepresented race and ethnicity that Daniel has an incident with in 2022, is also the only driver he refuses to apologize to or take accountability for ruining their race. The ONLY one.

Then we get to his fans' reactions. He's voted Driver of the Day for essentially doing nothing but being put on an optimal strategy (new softs while quite literally everyone in front of him was on used hards), and nearly fucks that up almost as soon as his team initiates it by crashing into Yuki. Immediately, there's tons of memes and jokes about how "it was worth sacrificing Yuki for Daniel to get his confidence back." Much like what's happening now, NOBODY recognizes Yuki or what a race he was having up until Daniel fucked it up; instead, Daniel is hailed a hero for essentially doing nothing but being unable to safely overtake a car on an inferior tire strategy.

Personally, I'm really looking forward to Daniel getting some karma and Yuki getting the last laugh here. That race and Daniel and his fans' behavior left a sour taste in my mouth, and I know there's quite a few other Yuki fans who took notice of their behavior then too. (There were also quite a few racist attacks from Dan fans after Daniel blamed Yuki and played victim as per usual in the media too, so buckle up, we're in for a LONG rest of the season).

The Mexican gp 2022 was one of the few races last year that I remember clearly. But I remember it for all of the wrong reasons, because the actual race was boring as hell. RedBull and Mercedes were so far ahead of Ferrari, but Ferrari was so ahead of the midfield that there weren't that many overtakes. ~50 laps had gone by and nobody had DNF'ed yet. That was until Daniel collided with Yuki and got a 10 second penalty. And then Daniel overtook Esteban and everyone was cheering for him like he was on the podium or something like that. Just look at the interactions of the tweet I linked 🤥

Looking back at it, it was very fucked up that people were essentially cheering this nonsense on. I am like 90% sure I was happy for Daniel at the time too, and I wish I could have told my past self that taking a driver out and proceeding to do a "cool" overtake aren't things to celebrate. Barely anyone acknowledged Yuki not being able to finish the race, and he was like close to the points (he was like p11 and had a better weekend than Pierre but all that goes away when someone takes you out through no fault of your own).

Doesn't help that in the next race at Brazil he took out Kevin for a careless mistake in the first lap, after Kevin just had one of the best race weekends of his career by taking pole for the first time. The Brazil incident was very anticlimactic and shows that he wasn't in good form, racing wise. I don't remember how people reacted to his Brazil DNF, but I can assure you they were more sympathetic towards Daniel than to Yuki.