#stoppeoplepleasing

[girltalkcollectives]

The “Nice Girl” Trap: How We’re Taught to Prioritize Politeness Over Boundaries

Growing up, I don’t know how many times I was told to “be nice.” Whether it was sharing toys I didn’t want to share, letting others go first, or holding my tongue when I wanted to speak up. The message was clear: my job was to be polite, pleasant, and accommodating. At the time, it seemed normal. After all, being nice isn’t a bad thing, right? But somewhere along the way, “being nice” started to look a lot like putting myself last.

It sounds harmless enough, but think about how many of us, especially as girls, are taught to put others’ comfort over our own needs. That childhood lesson of being “nice” is more than just good manners — it’s a subtle push to downplay our own feelings and prioritize other people’s. And the real problem? When you grow up believing that being “nice” is your job, you start to feel uncomfortable saying no, setting boundaries, or doing anything that could make someone else unhappy.

Fast-forward a few years, and I’m the teenager who apologizes when a guy won’t stop texting me, even though I’m clearly not interested. I’m the friend who’s always available, even when I’m exhausted, because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I’m the person who will bend over backward for others and feel guilty if I don’t. And I know I’m not alone. The “nice girl” mindset has taught so many of us that it’s better to be uncomfortable than to make anyone else feel that way.

For the longest time, I didn’t realize what was happening. I thought I was just being “a good person.” But here’s what no one tells you about the “nice girl” mentality: it teaches you that your comfort, your boundaries, and your needs don’t matter as much as making other people feel comfortable. It’s a message that says, “If someone wants something from you, it’s mean to say no.” And if you grow up with that idea long enough, you start to feel guilty anytime you do stand up for yourself.

It’s not that being nice is a bad thing. The world could always use more kindness, and there’s a lot of good that comes from being considerate. But when “nice” means sacrificing your own comfort and needs, it becomes a problem. Because here’s the reality: boundaries aren’t rude. They’re necessary. And as much as we’re taught to care about others, no one really teaches us that it’s okay to care about ourselves, too.

I didn’t fully understand this until I found myself feeling completely drained by the people around me. I was constantly saying yes to things I didn’t want to do, going out of my way for people who wouldn’t do the same for me, and feeling guilty every time I even thought about setting a boundary. I’d been trained to be the “nice girl” my whole life, but at some point, I realized that being nice to everyone else meant being unkind to myself.

And here’s the thing: when you’re a “nice girl,” people notice. They know you’re the one who won’t say no, who won’t rock the boat. The people who truly care about you will probably try not to take advantage of that, but others won’t hesitate to do so. I realized that being nice isn’t always the same as being good, and it doesn’t have to mean sacrificing my own boundaries to keep everyone else happy.

So I started setting small boundaries. I’d say no to plans if I was feeling exhausted, not just when I had a “valid” reason. I stopped apologizing for not being available all the time. And yeah, some people didn’t like it. I’d get the occasional “You’ve changed” or “You’re not as nice as you used to be.” And I had to be okay with that. I had to learn that being kind to myself sometimes meant disappointing others, and that was okay.

Learning to say no is hard when you’ve spent your whole life feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings. But slowly, I started to realize that it’s not my job to make everyone happy. My job is to take care of myself, to set the boundaries I need, and to be true to my own comfort and well-being.

Maybe, instead of teaching girls to “be nice,” we should teach them to be authentic. To trust their own instincts, to say no when they need to, and to stand up for themselves without feeling guilty. Because real kindness should always include kindness to ourselves, too.

The “nice girl” trap is something I’m still unlearning, one boundary at a time. But I think it’s a lesson worth sharing: that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, that “nice” doesn’t mean saying yes to everything, and that no one has the right to make you feel bad for setting boundaries.

[divinefem333]

SAYING NO BE LIKE #stoppeoplepleasing #nomeansno #chooseyourself #bounda...

[timelordclothing]

#knowyourworth #peoplespleaser #stoppeoplepleasing #peoplewhouseyou #hatebeingused #usedandabused #lowselfesteemissues #sacrificingfortheteam #whosavesyou #whosavesyou? #dontwasteyourtime #manipulated #betrayaltrauma #betrayalrecovery #betrayedbyfamily #spiritualawakening #pleasingeveryoneelse #stopbeingapeoplepleaser🚫 #aboveallloveypurself😍 #loveyourselffirst #putyourselffirst #stopsacrificingyourself #spiritualtiktok #spiritualmemes #gypsyquotes #stopbeingtoonice #stopbeingnice

[yourgrowspace]

[🙋🏽‍♀️] Ever felt like you don't belong? Let me know in the comments! 🙋🏽‍♀️I have felt it many times throughout my life. It all started when I began to go to school as a South Asian child who barely spoke English at the time. My people easing didn't help. Instead of being my authentic self, I was conditioned to always try and fit in. This led to adulthood where I'd find myself around people that I didn't truly connect with. I made friends who I couldn't be 100% authentic around. 😀Boy on boy, have things changed for me ever since I became unapologetically authentic and stopped people pleasing. -------------------------------------------------------- #assertive #belongingness #haveyoursay #communityengagement #bringingpeopletogether #liveyourtruth #nomorepeoplepleasing #stoppeoplepleasing #pleasingpeople #peoplepleasingrehab #peoplepleasingnomore #nopeoplepleasing #daringgreatly #knowyourvalue #getunstuck #empowermentquotes #ownyourstory #comparisonisthethiefofjoy #peoplepleasing #authenticityiskey #authenticitycoach #powerthoughts #ownyourpower #couragetochange #authenticitymatters #authenticity #courageovercomfort #daretolead #brenebrown #southasiancoach (at Kitchener, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfucWbip5bC/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[nottinghamcounselling]

It’s funny that we try to do these things ax the same time and it doesn’t work. #mentalhealth #selfesteem #selfworth #stoppeoplepleasing #carltoncounselling #carltonnottingham #gedling #gedlingcounsellor #mapperleycounselling #mapperley #netherfield #netherfieldcounsellor #ng4 #ng4counselling #nottingham #nottinghamcounselling #elainebondcounselling #gedlingbusiness #carltonbusiness #selfcare (at Elaine Bond Counselling Services) https://www.instagram.com/p/CE_QQaOlQ0Q/?igshid=100r4dap3gkyv

[troubledontlast1]

🔥Follow @troubledontlast on IG/Twitter/Snap for more🔥 Turn on Post Notification - Like - Comment - Share - Save #repost @thinkgrowrise ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ . . Follow: Subscribe to YouTube(in bio)👉🏾@my_daily_bible👈🏾 Subscribe to podcast(in bio)👉🏾@upliftpastcrossroads👈🏾 YouTube👉🏾@upliftwithdrj👈🏾 Fashion👉🏾@glamourmeetsgq👈🏾 . . 👤 Tag a friend who would like this page ⬇️ ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ #opinions #peoplesopinions #peoplesopinionsdontmatter #opinionsdontmatter #pleasingpeople #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #nomorepeoplepleasing #stoppeoplepleasing #expectations #peoplesexpectations #whatpeoplethink #disappointpeople #dontbeafraidtodisappoint #dontbeafraidtodisappointpeople #dontbeafraidtodisappointpeople #getoutofthebox #livethelifeyouwant #livethelifeyoulove #caringwhatpeoplethink #caringwhatpeoplethinkofme #opinionsofothersdontmatter #opinionsofothers #opinionsofpeople #opinionsofpeoplethatmatter #opinionsdontmattertome #beyourself #beyourselfquotes #itdoesntmatterwhatyouthink #itdoesntmatterwhattheythink (at Mount Juliet, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_3Dg57l0Of/?igshid=1x9f30avr8lti

[coneflowersoul]

Yes! Be who you are. When you fit into the crowd you disappear. People pleasing can be fatal. Stop worrying what ‘they’ think. #beyourself #bebrave #fittinginisoverrated #stoppeoplepleasing #coneflowersoul https://www.instagram.com/p/B9EpnvfnHhP/?igshid=19sly4qg9c54y

[beautifulskinbyliz]

#alwaysbeyourself #beyourbest #beyourownkindofbeautiful #selfcare #loveyourself #lovelikeitsyourfirsttime #stoppeoplepleasing #loveisbeautiful❤️ #beautifulskinbyliz💋 (at Fall River, Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7PG7EqBqC4/?igshid=14oehfbu41ymb

[lasantera]

How do you people please? When you are changing and becoming the best version of yourself some people will worry MORE about what THEIR place is in your life now, rather than, why your growth is important and necessary for you. My growth has nothing to do with you and I am not here to please! Join me for a conversation about how some folks may feel threatened by your healing and the new direction of your life. #stoppeoplepleasing #weaintforeverybody #selfworth #whenyouloveyourself #puttingyourselffirst #empath #ifeelitcoming #ifeeleverything Join me for a meditation and writing prompt at the end. Who do you want to please? How can we stop this? SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE! Thanks for listening to my stories and for sending me love! tag someone who needs this… someone you are a fan of… someone you LOVE! *** Subscribe to my YouTube vlog for daily love. #afrolatinadiary #afrolatinashow #podcast #inspire #writersofinstagram #writersofig #writer #poetsofinstagram #healers #meditation #spirituality #artistway #writerslife #poetslife #inspire #inspirationalquotes LINK IN BIO 👆🏽tag someone you feel needs a reminder. *** This is EPISODE 23 on YouTube! NEW podcast episodes available on SoundCloud and ITUNES! @TheAfrolatinaShow

[saviorandlord]

“Don’t Compromise Who you Are” is my newest Youtube video. In this episode I discuss some reasons to avoid aiming to please people. Instead we should set our focus on pleasing God, accomplishing His will, and bringing Him glory. I hope you’ll check it out today. God bless you! You can find it by going to www.youtube.com/fsspodcast and selecting the latest upload. #FSSPodcast #Episode48 #GodtheFather #JesusChrist #HolySpirit #DelightHim #compromise #Romans #priorities #Godswill #motivation #stoppeoplepleasing https://www.instagram.com/p/BzYzmsUltX6/?igshid=ytekstoyznh6

[katerakiitten]

If you want to learn 5 easy ways to stop people pleasing, then be sure to watch my video! Subscribe and enjoy if you like the content! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[judyb]

This makes me think of Ephesians 4:15 Contemporary English Version "Love should always make us tell the truth. Then we will grow in every way and be more like Christ, the head." Good News Translation "Instead, by speaking the truth in a spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head." #NotNice #StopPeoplePleasing #BeReal #BeAuthentic

[alexismariechute]

An empowering thought to start the day, via the fabulous @ladieswholeadpodcast 💕💕 ・・・ ITS OK • As we said this is a week on sovereignty. Your growth is yours, do not hold back, do not play small, do not pretend to be less than you are to keep others comfortable. Change is a result of people leaving the stagnancy of their comfort zones, and this my dears is not an easy roll to play in your life, world, communities, families, society. But would you be satisfied with anything less? . . . #wisdom #growth #stoppeoplepleasing #power #authentic #riseup #remember #weneedyou #allofyou #ladieswholead #ladieswholeadpodast #rise #leader #women #leadership #podcast #yougotthis #stepup #inspiration #inspire #inspired #truth #empoweringwomen #futureisfemale #womenempowerment #grow

[tking838]

#thingstogiveup #stopmakingexcuses #stopselfdoubting #havenofearoffailure #noprocrastination #stoppeoplepleasing #dontfearsuccess #stopnegativethinking #nomorenegativeselftalk #stopjudgingothers #removenegativepeople #givetheseup #bepositiveandpositivethingswillhappen #lifegetsbetterwhenyoudo #starttakingcareofyou #selfcareisimportant #ilovemylife #familyiseverything #youcontrolyourowndestiny #dontletsomeoneelsewriteyourstory #itsyourstorymakeitgreat #healthandfitnessjourney

[troubledontlast1]

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A post shared by Sean Christopher Jenkins (@troubledontlast)

PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR THE LORD, NOT PEOPLE. #repost @craiggroeschel @life.church @mekala333 Y’all be seeking validation from folks that ain’t even valid. #livingforapproval #peoplesopinion QUIT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND JUST BE WHO GOD MADE YOU TO BE. IF YOU WILL RUN YOUR RACE, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR CRITICS. #fightingforpeopletolikeyou #tryingtogetpeopletolikeyou Don’t worry about other people’s opinions of you. God never told you to impress people; only to love them. #impressingothers #validation What God knows about me is more important than what others think about me. #seekingvalidation #peoplepleasing If outside validation is your only source of nourishment you will hunger for the rest of your life. #whatgodthinks #whatgodthinksofyou If you truly love who you are, your worth will not be based on anyone’s validation or approval. #whatpeoplethink #howpeoplefeel “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”- Gal.1:10 #peoplesopinionofyou #stoppeoplepleasing When I stopped trying to be somebody else to please everybody else I became free to be myself. It’s not your job to like me-it’s mine. #tryingtoimpress #livingtoimpress The need for external validation is often born from self-doubt. #livingtoimpressothers WE LIVE IN A WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE WHO ARE SATISFIED WITH PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE THEY ARE NOT. #peoplepleaser If you persistently seek validation from others, you will inadvertently invalidate your own self-worth. #peoplepleasers #peoplepleasing SEEKING VALIDATION IS THE SAME AS SAYING, “TELL ME WHAT I’M WORTH!” TELL YOURSELF. #pleasingpeople #stoppleasingpeople Stop trying to impress people by being someone you’re not because in the end, you’ll lose yourself. #stoppleasingpeoplewhodontcare #godsopinion Don’t live to impress people that really couldn’t care less about you. That’s wasting your life! #godsopinionmatters #fightingforapproval “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.”- Prov.29:25 (at Mount Juliet, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwZx7QCl61p/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1asoc956nhf65

[pbcnita]

Learn to say #no #stoppeoplepleasing

#speakyourtruth #honoryourself

#saywhatyoumean #meanwhatyousay #standonit #selfcare #energyisthecurrencyoftheuniverse #savesomeforyou #youfirst #youmatter #youcantgivefromanemptycup #spiritualawakening #selfpreservation #boundaries #honesty #knowwhatyouwant #goforit #dontsettle