#stopmanipulators

[nova-vita-rising]

Recognizing and Handling Manipulation in Co-Parenting: A Real Conversation Breakdown

Co-parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when manipulation, control, and emotional abuse seep into the conversations. Recently, I found myself in a dialogue with my co-parent that started as a simple reminder about our child’s baseball practice but quickly evolved into an exchange filled with subtle manipulation and control tactics.

In this blog post, I’ll share a detailed breakdown of our conversation, highlighting the manipulative behaviors at play and explaining how I handled them. By understanding these patterns, you can learn to identify manipulation in your own co-parenting relationship and take steps to protect your emotional well-being while keeping the focus on your child.

The Full Conversation Breakdown

1. His Initial Message: Missing Practice

"We won’t be attending baseball practice today, but we’ll be at the game tomorrow." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:16 PM)

This message was neutral, simply informing me that they wouldn’t attend practice. While it seemed harmless, it opened the door for a deeper conversation about the importance of consistency and commitment when it comes to our child’s development.

2. My Response: A Gentle Reminder About Practice

"Thanks for letting me know. Just a quick reminder that practice is key for Kai’s growth and confidence on the field. The games are fun, but practice is where the real progress happens. See you both tomorrow." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:21 PM)

What I Did Right:

Kept It Child-Focused: I emphasized the importance of practice for our child’s growth and confidence without making it personal or confrontational.

Neutral and Gentle Tone: My response was simply a reminder, not an attack, designed to keep the conversation respectful and productive.

3. His First Response: Assertion of Expertise and Dismissiveness

"I’ve been in baseball most of my life. I understand that practice is just as important as games. We practice at my house all the time. I also believe letting the coaches coach and the parents stay off the field and out of the dugout is key to a young child’s development as well as his confidence as an athlete. That’s why once we get to the practices or games, I step back. I let Kai know that I am there to support him or take him to the restroom, but other than that, he needs to pay attention and ask questions to his coach. We will be there Tuesday. See you then." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:25 PM)

Breakdown:

Assertion of Expertise: By emphasizing his experience in baseball, he attempts to discredit my involvement or input, positioning himself as the authority on the matter.

Dismissal: He deflects from my point about the importance of practice by highlighting what he does at home, implying that my concerns are unnecessary.

Control of the Narrative: His statement about staying off the field and letting the coaches handle things indirectly critiques my participation at practice, trying to control how I should engage.

4. My Response: Clarification and Setting Boundaries

"I understand your perspective, but just to clarify, I’m not the only parent going in and out of the dugout — it’s pretty common with the other parents too, and none of the coaches have ever had an issue with how I support Kai during practice. I communicate directly with them, and they’re fine with how I handle things. That said, we are co-parenting, and I respect that we may have different approaches at times. I don’t interfere or dictate how you parent, so I’d appreciate it if you kept your personal opinions about my approach to yourself as well. Thanks." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:34 PM)

What I Did Right:

Clarified the Situation: I provided factual information about how other parents behave and the coaches’ approval of my involvement, which grounded the conversation in reality.

Set Firm Boundaries: I reminded him that we are co-parenting and that I expect mutual respect for our differing approaches without overreach or control.

Respectful and Direct: My response was firm but respectful, ensuring the conversation stayed focused on boundaries and parenting, not personal attacks.

5. His Second Response: Deflection and Emotional Manipulation

*"I have paid pretty close attention. Other parents do not go in and out of the dugout and follow their kid out on the field. There are coaches who have kids on the team, but other than that, unless a child gets injured, the parents tend to stay on the sideline and out of the dugout. This is the sport that I have played my entire life. From the age of 5 all the way to getting a scholarship for baseball. I will not keep my opinions to myself when it comes to my son. As you stated in the prior message, we are co-parents. This means that we both have a say in how our child is raised. You think letting him watch things on YouTube like Skibidi Toilet is okay as well as watching the movie *IT. I can tell you that I don’t think it’s appropriate, but I have no way of enforcing it. So, when Kai is with you, you can watch those types of things. He has expressed to me that he is scared to walk anywhere in my house without me, and he follows me around everywhere. Those are just my thoughts and observations. Do with them what you will." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:47 PM)

Breakdown:

Deflection: Instead of addressing my clarification about the dugout, he shifts the conversation to unrelated issues, such as media choices, to deflect attention from my point.

Emotional Manipulation: He uses our child’s fears as a tool to manipulate me, trying to make me feel guilty about my parenting decisions and portray himself as the responsible parent.

Refusal to Respect Boundaries: By stating, “I will not keep my opinions to myself,” he disregards my request for mutual respect in co-parenting, continuing to impose his views on my parenting choices.

6. My Response: Reframing and Redirecting the Conversation

"Just wanted to follow up to clarify that my reminder about practice wasn’t meant as a personal attack, just a reminder. I know you have a lot of experience with baseball and as long as you're practicing with Kai, that definitely makes up for missing team practices. Since I don’t have that same experience, I try not to miss practice so I can keep up. But for you, taking Kai to the park and practicing together is just as valuable, and I know he benefits a lot from that time with you. Thanks for understanding." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:53 PM)

What I Did Right:

Clarified My Intentions: I made it clear that my reminder wasn’t an attack but a simple suggestion aimed at supporting our child.

Acknowledged His Expertise: By recognizing his experience, I diffused some of the tension, reframing the conversation to focus on what’s best for our child.

Redirected the Conversation: I shifted the focus back to the shared goal of supporting our child’s development rather than continuing an unnecessary debate.

7. His Third Response: Gaslighting and False Equivalence

"I would like you to know that my opinions are not personal attacks as well. Just my thoughts on our son. I believe it is important to keep open lines of communication so we can raise our son as seamlessly as possible. I hope it is clear to you by now that I have my son's best interest and I am not an absent father. I do have opinions, and I am entitled to express some of them to you when it comes to our son and his development. This app is here to create open lines of communication in a safe space to better help raise our son. An example of this would be the dentist appointment. You stated that giving him donuts could have caused his teeth to be bad. I let you know that I brush his teeth lots after those kinds of foods. After the dentist, I said I would cut back on the donuts, and you said I don’t have to cut back, I just need to keep his teeth brushed. Your opinion was to keep his teeth brushed. Mine was to both brush his teeth and cut back on sweets. Though we have a difference of opinion, I still listen to your opinion. I cut back sweets at my house, and you can do what you choose at yours. No problem with either of those ways of parenting." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 12:55 PM)

Breakdown:

Gaslighting: By reframing his opinions as “not personal attacks,” he tries to make me question my perception of his previous critical comments.

False Equivalence: He creates the illusion of balance, claiming that we’ve both listened to each other equally, even though he has consistently dismissed my feedback and concerns.

Subtle Blame: He frames the issue in a way that implies I have been overreactive or dismissive of his role as a parent, subtly shifting blame onto me.

8. My Response: Direct and Firm Boundary Setting

"I hear you, and I understand that you have a lot of experience with baseball, which I respect. We both want what’s best for Kai, and I’m always open

to hearing your thoughts. That being said, I’ve seen other parents step into the dugout as well, and none of the coaches have ever expressed an issue with me being involved. If they had, I would have adjusted my approach. As for co-parenting, you’re absolutely right — we both have a say in Kai’s upbringing, and I respect your opinions on things like the media he watches. But just as you have concerns, there are a lot of action movies you’ve put on for Kai that I don’t feel are appropriate either, and Kai has mentioned things to me as well. Unfortunately, you haven’t always been open to my feedback on those matters, like when I suggested therapy for him, which you refused. I’ll continue to do my best to raise Kai in a way that builds his confidence and makes him feel supported. Thanks for sharing how he’s been feeling." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 1:00 PM)

What I Did Right:

Acknowledgment: I continued to acknowledge his concerns, which helped avoid escalating the conflict.

Addressed His Criticism: I pointed out that while he has raised concerns, I have also had issues with his choices, creating a more balanced conversation.

Reinforced My Boundaries: I reaffirmed my role in making decisions for our child, showing that I wouldn’t be swayed or controlled by his critiques.

9. My Final Response: Ending the Conversation

"I understand your perspective, and I appreciate you sharing your experience with sports. However, this conversation has gone far beyond what it originally started as—a simple reminder about practice—and hasn’t felt like shared, positive feedback. I’ve been open to listening to your thoughts, but this back-and-forth isn’t productive anymore. I know what I’m doing when it comes to supporting Kai, and it’s clear you haven’t seen that. I don’t feel the need to justify my actions or explain every decision I make. Justifying myself isn’t the solution here. I’ve heard what you have to say, but it also shows me you haven’t fully seen what I’m doing during practice. So, it’s best to end this conversation now. Let’s move forward with the understanding that we’re both doing what we believe is best for Kai, and we can continue co-parenting in a way that’s focused on him, not on disagreements." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 1:11 PM)

What I Did Right:

Closed the Conversation Firmly: I ended the conversation respectfully but clearly, signaling that I wouldn’t continue the back-and-forth.

Refused to Justify Myself: I made it clear that I don’t need to justify my actions, especially when the conversation isn’t focused on solutions.

Focused on the Child’s Well-Being: I redirected the conversation back to the child, keeping the focus where it belongs—on their growth and well-being.

10. His Escalation: Projection and Legal Threats

"This conversation with you has further shown me that you can shoot out criticism, but you cannot take it. Every time I try to tell you my thoughts, you immediately go into victim mode. You gave me your opinion about practice, and I acknowledged your opinion and gave you one of mine. It is very one-sided when it comes to communicating with you. I will not allow you to try to portray me as a bully for being concerned with my son's upbringing. Fathers have the same amount of rights as mothers, and I will continue to express my opinions on how to raise our son. Take them however you feel, and the court can sort out if you are a victim or not." (Sent: 10/14/2024 at 1:27 PM)

Breakdown:

Projection: He accuses me of the very behavior he is engaging in—claiming that I can’t handle criticism when, in fact, he has been dismissive and controlling throughout the conversation.

Gaslighting and Victim Blaming: He claims that I am playing the victim, trying to make me question whether my boundaries and concerns are justified.

Legal Threats: By mentioning the court, he attempts to intimidate me and assert control, creating fear and positioning himself as the one with more power.

Key Takeaways for Co-Parents

Recognize Manipulation Tactics: Pay attention to signs of gaslighting, projection, and emotional manipulation. These tactics are designed to control the conversation and make you question yourself.

Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and reinforce boundaries when necessary. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into debates or justifications that aren’t productive.

Use NLP Techniques: Techniques like pacing and leading and reframing can help keep the conversation calm, focused, and child-centered.

Stay Focused on the Child: Keep redirecting the conversation back to your shared goal of supporting your child. Don’t allow unrelated issues to derail the discussion.

Know When to End the Conversation: If the conversation becomes unproductive or toxic, end it respectfully but firmly, as continuing will only create more stress and tension.

By breaking down this interaction and analyzing the manipulation tactics at play, I hope other co-parents can see how to handle similar situations with clarity, confidence, and focus on wha

[taiyejeremiah]

Part 2/2: God’s first step to breaking the spirit of manipulation 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🙌😎😇🥳❤️😍🥰

#bornagain #christian #parents #family #truebornagain #truebornagainchristian #truebornagainbeliever #manipulation #control #fakechristians #truechristian #nomoremanipulation #stopmanipulation #Jesus #HolySpirit

[lilaetleloup]

the signs that point to a manipulator VII

28. he sees himself as a predator

And I still consider him otherwise...

But this said, he is not totally wrong. He lurks here, in the bushes, hunting the empath without conscience or remorse for the pain he could cause. He needs to eat energy! And to him it is only nature’s order that the strong are the hunters when the weak are the hunted.

But the laws of the jungle are antithetic to civilization and progress. Political parties founded exclusively by his kind always talk about going backwards, to a time when it felt good living at others’ expenses. With his Neanderthal mind, dooming the weak to an early grave, he is a hindrance to progress. Because the physically weak or the person born on the wrong side of the railroad, can easily be the smarter, the inventor, the creative mind, the genius, the spiritual guide, the wise... the one who will have humanity go forward with him.

If we succeeded in getting out of the Middle-Age it is in spite of the manipulator. Not thanks to him.

And it’s no coincidence, to my mind, if, since he has made a huge comeback these last thirty years, we turn back to the good old days of economic servitude and pandemic. Because too many manipulators in power means a massive return of corruption, incompetence, entitlement, lies and exploitation.

The manipulator sees us as preys and underestimates us. Underestimates the courage and abnegation of those who can fight for a cause bigger than themselves or who fight for those they love.

A difference between the manipulator and the predator, though, is that the manipulator prefers to stay in the shade, when the society isn’t favourable to his kind. Whereas a tiger doesn’t hide his stripes. In North Korea or other China, on the contrary, I imagine it’s party time everyday for a manipulator. And I can’t fathom the hell it must be for the minority of empathetic people there.

But if I’m right about the world’s evolution, this hiding won’t last long. And the sooner the better, because if 100% of manipulators know their “eat and be eaten” game, a very few percentage of good people are aware of the fight and what is at stake. Most of the time, this minority is composed by ex-victims.

Quite easy and no sport, then, to hunt when the antelope doesn’t know her life is on the line.

Once you know where to look, on the contrary, it’s often child play to detect them.

29. he has a paranoid tendency

Well of course, just imagine! We all have this tendency to put our own way of thinking is the other’s mind. And this makes us, empathetic people, more prone to naivete, jumping bambis in the sunset and in the crossfire of automatic guns.

But this makes him paranoid. Others want to rob him, have no conscience, will betray him, will cheat on him...

The world is full of bad guys, he knows it. And the manipulator only sleeps with one eye open. Or can’t sleep at all.

30. he doesn’t like rules

Rules are for the weak, he thinks. If he can despise or rape them, it’s fine. If he can change them in his own interest, it’s better still.

There are too many times when he must pretend to respect the rules. And it’s exhausting.

31. he is greedy and confuses success with financial success

Of course! For him everything turns around looks, power and money. And what is dangerous is when the way he feels become the dominant philosophy. I guess there is only a certain amount of manipulators a society can bear at its head, in companies and politics, before we spiral down in a vicious circle. Because the manipulator will change the mentalities to favour his kind, making it easier for others manipulators to climb, who in turn will aggravate the mentalities...

For ten years, I have this feeling that the world is going faster and faster in manipulation land. Which means darker and darker. And I fear we’ll have to touch the bottom before it gets better.

This overwhelming mentality contributes to the fact that so many good people feel bad, can feel like  they are failing if they concentrate on being a good parent, or a just teacher or a faithful spouse. Hit again and again by these golden and superficial lives on the social media, most good people can get depressed.

The manipulator is also greedy. His overinflated ego is always whispering him he deserves more. And this answers the question I had, as a good naive empathetic person: why would a billionaire choose to paint his tenth swimming pool with god instead of raising wages?

Because he deserves it and the others don’t deserve anything more than the bare minimum to survive and be able to work for him.

So of course, to avoid the possibility that poor people get to the pitchforks and attack his bunker, he’ll give to charities, elegant way of talking with his social peers about the wellness of the peasants around appetizers. And also, to save taxes. And the rich manipulator will always prefer this way of giving money, which allows him to control where it goes, preferably in causes more glamour and selling than repairing roads and will also allow him to build a nice philanthropic image for himself. Also, it will help sustain an economic system that favours him. Because in reality, a good economic system, in a rich democracy, is the one where everybody pays his just amount of taxes and everybody can earn a fair wage, one that you can live on. Where, in fact, nobody should need charity.

Also, the internal vacuum of the manipulator is a bottomless pit that encourages him to get always more. The manipulator isn’t Iron Man, the philanthropist superhero but Pac Man: always hungry, never satisfied.

And he doesn’t care if the planet would die of it. Because as the delectable Duchess of Windsor would have said: “one is never rich enough”.

32. he divides and conquers

He is a master of triangulation, this art which consists in using a third person in the toxic relations he has with you. He will use this other person against you, having told him lies where he is the victim. Or have you understand that this person thinks you are wrong. And have you hate him in the process.

On his chess board, he is the king or the queen and others are pawns.

His hot-air-balloon ego is fragile and he is a coward in confrontation where the adversary isn’t weak and could fight back He will, in this case, send somebody else to do the dirty job.

In some extreme cases, the manipulator can cut you totally from your friends and family. He’ll act like it’s you and him in a fortress, having you believe that everybody else is mean. Enclosed in the tower, the victim is more powerless than ever.

(to be continued...)

[yolijka]

Życzę Wszystkim dużo szczodrości życzę słodkich bąbelków szampana i miłych gości życzę roztropnych myśli prawych decyzji życzę spokojnego bytu urodzajnych gai życzę otwartego okna na wszechświat życzę wielu skarbów i morza radości, oceanu miłości życzę siły do bycia do walki by Światło Świata prowadziło nas by słowiańska tożsamość była naszą by bogowie byli z nami i z naszymi bliskimi by objęli nas swoją mocą i dali nam moc Niech się Darzy w nowym 2019 Roku!! . . .#happynewyear #newyear #newinspiration #newandvetterus #peaceandlove❤ #worldpeace #stopmanipulation #niechsiedarzy #jednosćnarodowa https://www.instagram.com/p/BsFnBc0hERw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g44dmojbjqd1

[sirihansarajchandsingh]

#Floating (and proper #meditation) teaches one to #stopmanipulating. #Spirituality is not manipulation and yet almost everyone involved in spirituality is an expert in self manipulation. Spirituality is not about feeling better or changing #reality to suit our emotional needs. Spirituality is about #showingup completely and with #authenticity. Through our #spiritualpractices we are able to more and more handle the complete experience of reality despite it being in conflict with our own #preferences. This is #Surrender to the #Divine. As #AdiDa affirmed: “Reality is always already the case.” Proper meditation then is learning to #observe. The most #advanced form of #observation is working with a #flotationtank and a guide familiar with both. One cannot advance into the deepest levels of #themind without the experience floating allows. Only floating makes it possible for one to #consciously enter #Delta. This is only possible through floating however with significant experience with body focused meditations such as #Vipassana. These to incredibly powerful complementary practices bring one to the #directexperience of spirituality which is not in conflict with the physical nor with reality. #tanktalks #consciousnesscoach #johnclilly #sensorydeprivation #floattank #dream #imagination #samadhi #psychonaut #biocomputer #dyadic #ego #luciddreaming #surrender #occult #esoteric #wisdom #matrix #void #initiate Floating @thecalmcenterny Consciousness Coaching @matthewrusselllabarre https://www.instagram.com/p/BrQNMYZlxWK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pwyg7ogwzic9

[taiyejeremiah]

Part 1/2: God’s first step to breaking the spirit of manipulation 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🙌😎😇🥳❤️😍🥰

#bornagain #christian #parents #family #truebornagain #truebornagainchristian #truebornagainbeliever #manipulation #control #fakechristians #truechristian #nomoremanipulation #stopmanipulation #Jesus #HolySpirit

[lilaetleloup]

the signs that point to a manipulator VIII

33. the devil hides in the details

Because the cleverest of manipulators, which are, incidentally, the most toxic of them, will talk positively ninety five percent of the time and hide the toxic bomb in the other five.

Some examples?

It's this Reiki master who told me I shouldn't feel fear because fear came in direct line from the one with horns, living underground.

Clever this, very clever.

He didn't say, as the five principles of Reiki advise though to "try today, not to worry", which keeps in mind the fact that human nature isn't perfect, that the most important is to try and that sometimes, it's just normal to feel fear. Or panic. An encounter with a crocodile comes to mind.

And we shouldn't feel ashamed for that, nor drowning in culpability but still try to keep fear at bay if we can the next day.

No, this Reiki master says "fear comes from the baaaaaaaaad one" with the hint that when you are afraid you are on an evil path.

Would you be, by chance, attracted by the dark side?

You also read this undercurrent in the intensity of the eyes this guy is now focusing on you, as if he were trying to look in the deepest part of your soul, looking for the ugly seed.

And so, naturally, you doubt yourself, you wonder if you are truly a good person, you stagger, you are afraid to fail, you are afraid to be scared and to confront your own shadow and you feel you need even more the strong hand of a spiritual guide to help you walk straight.

And this here, having you scared and co-dependent, is intentional.

There is also this famous motivational and well-being guru who declares that you are one hundred percent responsible for what's happening to you.

That NOTHING is happening in your life that you didn't wish there.

Luck hasn't any say. Nor God, for those who believe in him. Or destiny.

Or the help of other people, the support of your family, the financial advantage you had at birth, or the fact you are living in a democratic country... the list of exterior factors is just endless.

And yes, I definitely believe one should take responsibility for one's choices, and one's actions but also be humble enough to know that we don't control everything.

This guru has conveniently convinced enough people to now be a millionaire and I guess his ego is overjoyed to be able to claim the entirety of this success. It must have him believe he is truly a superior being.

Everything he has achieved, in his mind, is thanks to him and he should feel no gratitude, I guess, for the spouse who helped him build his career. He so deserved it.

But the hidden toxicity here, it as follows: if you are responsible for everything that happens to you, absolutely everything, and you haven't succeeded as you would have wished, if you are unhappily single, don't earn enough money, having a hard time, feel over-weighted... it's because you are a loser. It's one hundred percent on you. And you have to wake up.

And you need a lot of help... maybe the guru's help? Buy more books, go to more conferences, participate to more motivational groups?

Of course!

As if it were that easy for everyone. Especially in a world where there are more and more trump cards (pun intended) in the deck. When some people are under daily bombing. Or a child is being destroyed by toxic parents. Or a single parent is fighting each month to put food on the table...

But you can always trust a manipulator to lack empathy.

And the "if he is poor, it's because he made the choice" is an age-old argument for rich people to enjoy their arrogance and avidity, without being bothered by a conscience twitch.

With its self-congratulatory corollary: "I'm rich because I deserve it, other people are just too lazy."

So you should pay attention to details, because it's where the manipulator hides the toxicity.

Those details you don't notice, at first, because the rest of the discourse, roughly, has sense, and can motivate you.

Especially when injected with a good dose of artificial energy and the charisma of a con man. Especially when you feel lost and you need help.

But these details are dangerous. Because there are grenades that explode everything else and have you feel worse and more dependent.

So, to conclude this eight articles series: the manipulator is very simple, when you think about it.

And this is so, however clever he might be. Which can be a good deal, indeed.

Because it's a person who hasn't developed the quality one has to, to be a complete human being, with a heart, a conscience and a sense of responsibility.

He stopped his emotional development, often because of fear, or because of anger, some other times because of pride. In this last instance, the mix of cleverness and the entitlement of a high social status can be very dangerous.

Because a kid, contrary to the rosy picture, from the moment he discovers he is not the extension of his mother he thought he was, around two years old, encounters his ego and has a ferocious wish to assert himself.

Or, as someone I knew who didn't want kids told me: " a child is an never-ending capacity of expansion".

Which makes him closer to savagery than to the natural kindness Mister Rousseau was so fond of.

I guess it's all in favour of the survival of the species. But it is our duty, as parent, to have a kid stop gravitating around his navel.

Because magic is outside the ego circle, in the sharing, the generosity, everything that goes beyond and is larger than us.

The manipulator has remained stuck in a primitive way of life, in the jungle.

And he is proud of it!

He shouldn't be.

And civilization will have to be done in spite of him.

[lilaetleloup]

awakening

During the second world war, the fight between good and evil was easily defined: it was the alliance against the Nazi. With some nuances of course. There surely had been some bad apples in the army on the good side and some German people were decent people who had no say in what was going on.

Evil and good do not usually confront one another so clearly. They face in the same country, in a  company, in a family. And in a world where climate change is currently challenging our stay on Earth, evil influence has seemed to accelerate.

The democracies, how faulty they may be, are still the most respectful of governments, giving everybody a right to be heard. They are under threat today, and it’s fairly easy to imagine some bad guy from the East having fun, pulling the strings, playing chess with our lives, through his massive investments in social media, corruption of politicians, blackmail and seduction. But he couldn’t do anything without our electoral complicity.

That’s why it’s become so important for us to learn and know about manipulators, about humanity’s dark side.

And would be my guess that it’s no coincidence that the two countries leading the charge against evil during World War, the United States and Great Britain, have currently one very visibly toxic public figure. One in each. People that, on my own toxicity assessment, I would rate as intense narcissists. Without the cleverness to belong to the psychopath category, who know better how to hide.

The danger of this kind of gun blazing narcissists is that they don’t feel the need to conform to society rules like decorum or good manners. Or not long and not too much. These manipulators don’t feel the need to respect subtle limits. Or the intelligence to care about the long run. On the plus side, their direct approach to gratification prevents them from hiding well and will enable these country a very speedy and intense class on this profile and the huge damage it can cause.

And it’s my fervent hope that these countries are not suffering this by chance. Because, more than the possibility of this eastern Dr Evil targeting important chess pieces, I believe in fate. And hopefully, Great Britain and the United-States, who have been at least once the head of the resistance, have maybe been chosen to be, after having gone through these current trials that seem to threaten their identity, the key to a future fight against the bad guys.

[lilaetleloup]

[lilaetleloup]

the six voices

These are not, of course, voices with different tonalities and sources that would give us the impression that someone else is living with us in our head and Napoleon wants to talk to us. Of course not!

It’s just that as time went by – too much of it!- and maturity is coming upon me, with, I hope, the least possible wrinkles, I tried to identify the source and pertinence of each of my thoughts… And I felt we could attribute each one of them to six different voices.

The easiest one to notice, for example is the voice of intelligence. It’s the one that thinks, counts, evaluates

And we feel its cogs turning. As it’s the voice going through every possibility, it’s also the one which is scared. When you board a plane, for example, and your frenetic thoughts are showing you every chance this could go wrong ? Till the tiniest duck who could tickle the turbines? Well, this is your cleverness going on overdrive.

Being smart enables you to find solutions, but by showing you all the possible disastrous outcomes, it also prevents you from acting, simmering as you are, in a soup of fears.

And I find intelligence is a little over-evaluated in school. The smartest among us are not necessarily the ones who will succeed better, if they haven’t managed to subdue their fear to act.

Dumb people dare anything, I’ve been told. And clever ones don’t dare enough.

The voice of your cleverness has no empathy for others and will clinically analyse situations and people, the better to help you deal with them or manipulate them.

Luckily, this side effect has begun to be more and more taken into account recently and more and more schools give importance to the emotional intelligence.

This emotional cleverness is what I call the voice of the heart.

Which I find, as well, easy to identify because it’s the one that has you feel: love for others, an animal or an activity, compassion for the suffering of others – not to be confused with the compassion some have for themselves which has them drown in everlasting victimhood -, empathy…

The third voice is one that has also been more and more acknowledged lately: the voice of intuition, that is also called sixth sense. Or gut feeling for the less spiritual among us who think with their stomachs. Happens to me when I’m really hungry, though.

This voice is the one that I have the worst trouble identifying when it’s so important to: it’s the wise one, the one that is never wrong. It’s the one you should listen to, for example, when it disagrees with your intelligence. Your brain is whispering all the horrible ways you could die in a plane? Your intuition is assuring you that you’ll arrive safely. And it knows best.

Because the voice of intuition is connected.

To the collective unconscious, the energies, and, for those who believe in them – and it’s my case – to invisible presences.

After some decades on this earth, I only begin to perceive its peculiar tone: it’s much wiser than I would be on my own, it points to a luminous evidence and it’s so immediate, you know you hadn’t the time to think.

When I ask myself something, and in the following silence an immediate answer comes to me and feels right? Most of the time, it’s intuition.

The fourth voice is the ego voice. And this, I also find easy to identify.

It’s the “me me me voice” that rings when it feels someone is walking on your turf and his. It surely has been created, this voice, out of a primitive need to defend you in an hostile world. To give you the impulse to fight, because you deserve everything, and to forbid compassion for others and the lion who would eat you because, poor animal, you feel he’s hungry. He’s hungry, hears the ego? “It means he is feeble. Eat him.”

Your ego thinks you are more important than this lion, the savanna and the whole planet. You are just what has been the most important creation so far. The greatest. Number one.

And to give you the best survival chance, it’s the ego that will blow on the fire of your temper.

Your divine rights have been trampled on? Aux armes! No pity for this fool who hasn’t understood your rightful place in the universe, right in the centre.

The ego voice begins to make itself heard, when a baby realizes that he has a distinct identity from his mother. The famous temper of a two years old? For something or nothing and a toy that has been refused? Ego. And the most part of the education we give a kid, to enable him to be an emotionally balanced adult, is to teach him that no, the stars don’t gravitate around his navel. And no, neither does the moon.

And this voice, made at first for you, to enable the carcass to survive, can drag you easily on the narcissism path. Mainly because to give you self-confidence, it will flatter you shamelessly. The ego voice is also the one to always compare. Do you have more than the neighbour? Less than your sister? No? Yes? Beware, the ego knows you deserve better!

And he will find here another reason to defend you and get annoyed in the process. Why you? Why me? To him, you are obviously a victim of an unjust situation. And that alone should  give him all leeway to change matters. Too bad if others must suffer in the process. “It doesn’t matter, says the ego, you are the most important.”

We all have an ego. Some chose to self-isolate in mountains and pray to get detached from it To dissolve it in a superior energy. Well, I’m not there yet.

Another simpler solution, which I favour, doesn’t include so much meditation: it’s to balance the ego voice with the voice coming from the heart. Which has you think something like this: ” yes, you are important, also imperfect, and this other human being is important too. And so is this animal, and this tree…”

But if Ego, looking for a co-conspirator, despising the heart, finally meets Intelligence, bam, nitro has found glycerine. More often than not, it’s Intelligence, hypersensitive, full of doubts and easily scared that runs to Ego, to have him protect her.

Well yes, now Intelligence is a she when Ego is a he: I’m French and we put a gender on anything.

But whoever went in search of the other, a person, when dominated by these two, permanent victim of some real or imaginary wrongdoing, has now the means to get revenge, to manipulate and obtain everything ego wished. Honours, money, power, disciples, electors, victims, kids, family… he’ll get his fill. Hello, there, psychopaths!

In the process, he’ll have strangled the fifth voice, the voice of the conscience.

It’s the one who reminds me, when I reproach something to somebody – often my husband – that I did the same. This traitor doesn’t like bad faith and can pitch for the other camp.

This voice also tells me to be more understanding, doesn’t appreciate it when I’m angry. He wants me to be a better person. And he is so annoying!

But it’s his job. And I forgive him because I know it’s for me, in a broader sense: to enable me to become the best version of myself.

And the sixth voice?

Well, it’s simply the one from your soul or your personality. The one that is uniquely yours. The paradox being that ego could never be that, as it’s the same in everyone.

Mine has a ferocious sense of humour that prevents me to be too serious about myself and loves having fun.

And when we harness cleverness and its fears, calm ego and its volatility listen to our heart and conscience and learn to recognize our intuition, we can finally become who we were destined to be.

[lilaetleloup]

They stage an inverse reality, where they are the good guys and the victims of your villainy.

[lilaetleloup]

And what is true for mountaineers is true for socialites.

Because if there is "only" one third of negative people in democracies (more like 50% in France), it's a totally inverse proportion as you climb the social ladder. From a certain hight, you just can't breathe.

[lilaetleloup]

And in the absence of real political conviction, they'll just choose the most opportunistic program, do their show and seduce their electors.

There are still a few good apples, politicians with true concern for others, and it's more and more important to spot them.

[lilaetleloup]

I was helping my son with his divisions for his home-schooling this morning.

And I injected some politics/economics in the mix...

"Well, son, the division has us distribute the same amount of money among people. It's a mathematical utopia. Unfettered capitalism, on the other hand, lets one greedy villain have it all and despise others from his new wealth height!".

Be safe ❤

[lilaetleloup]

manipulators and the "elite"

The two greatest talents of manipulators are their acting and psychological abilities. And it's also the reason why they are so dangerous.

Because most of us will imagine the bad guy as someone overtly nasty. Preferably ugly, with greasy hair. When, in fact, it's all the contrary.

The more powerful evil is, the more enticing he will seem. The more fascinating he will look. The more charismatic he'll be.

He'll polish his appearance to the best of the possibilities offered to him by medicine, make-up and sport. He'll deliver your dream on a golden tray, you just won't believe your eyes. Your so far dull life will suddenly bloom with hope and colours. You will be dazzled.

This feeling the world suddenly sparkles is called gas-lighting, and it’s intentional to hook you. It can feel like you are falling in love, on a cloud, breathing pure oxygen... until the illusion disappears. And then, you'll feel like this cartoon coyote, running after the big bird and discovering himself above an abyss.

You are an anti-abortion Christian? What a coincidence, he is too. You are an advocate for ecology and social rights? Marvellous, so is she. The manipulator has no conviction, other that he deserves everything. And it could be the same person who, years later, will present completely different views, adapting to his goals. He'll tell you he has changed. Or that he has grown up. When growing up and changing is impossible to him. He would have to be able to question himself first...

Your eyes full of stars, your dream in the flesh in front of you, it will be nearly impossible then for you to see the hard truth about the person who cynically targeted you.

And this acute sense of psychology allows the manipulator to be a talented writer.

He will know best how to describe a character's personality. Notably villains. And when before the year 2000, when psychology wasn't so precise or known about narcissistic traits, you feel like the writer has read in the head of a psychopath, wonder no more: he found the inspiration in his own head.

The bad guy is mostly what makes a movie or a book interesting, what gives the hero the possibility to learn and be a better person. As my daughter told me once, when we had fun imagining a planet whose inhabitant were only good people, the one advantage of villains, is that they make fiction interesting.

But I'm nonetheless appalled when I read now the eyes of so many writers of romantic books and identify them for what they are: soulless. Above a magnificent cold smile. Writers of love story who don't even know how love feels? That's laughable and could also explain so many cliches you don't find in real life. And I'm quite offended these authors participated in the forming of my young romantic mind, fulling my head with dangerous expectations.

It's my conviction, now, that a majority of books and screenplay writers are manipulators.

And as we stay on the psychological ability, a good portion of psychiatrists psychologists or other psy...s must be too...

And its the same thing for actors: positive people are a minority there.

A good manipulator, especially a psychopath, will know how to perform to a level you just can't imagine. When he has no empathy, he'll seem compassionate. When he hates you, he'll look as if he cares.

A psychopath knows how to wear a daily mask that will seldom slip. You'll have to know him backstage, to see his meltdowns, to watch the volcanic explosions. The psychopath will be his true self in front of those he already has in his power, when no effort is needed. Or when the illusion wears him down.

The manipulator is already an actor. So doing it professionally is just the next logical step.

If he is successful, he'll have the people's admiration, undiluted narcissistic pleasure that will stroke his ego and save him from too frequent rages.

It's all the easier as a manipulator knows how to light the charisma on. This impression, when you meet him that he fills the whole place and sucks the air? He'll be happy with "just" your time, your attention and all your energy. The beast needs the fuel.

And for a talented manipulator without the good looks, the next best choice is to become a politician.

Without any real conviction, he'll choose the most opportunistic program, will make the show and seduce the public.

Of course, manipulators feel also at home with all jobs that have them manipulate people, like marketing or public relations.

And in anything focusing on appearances, without substance. As he lacks a heart and its depth, he'll work on the surface. It's something he has learned to do since he was a child.

So he'll flourish happily on social media, fashion, modelling, merchandising...

And then, his rage, his lack of scruples, his blind ambition and his political flair - walk on naive people, flatter the powerful, exploit the weak - will enable him to climb fairly quickly the hierarchical ladder of any company.

All the more as you have this to take into account: the manipulators know who they are and what their survival entails. Only the selfish, low level negatives, and the positive people don't encompass this human reality. And, mostly, don't know how to identify a predator.

The manipulators know perfectly how to do so. And at the highest levels of power, where they don't need the useful good and naive person, villains associations abound, that will allow only their kind on the pyramid summit.

That's the reason why you don't need to imagine some Illuminati conspiracy theory. They already have Davos, masonic or golf clubs. Or VIP spaces, cocktails, weddings...

And when you put all this put together, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that at least three fourth of what tabloids call the "elite", are in fact predators only interested in their power and concentrated on their greed.

And we wonder the world is not going as well as it should? They have moulded it in their image, superficial and empty. And this world depresses so much the good sensitive people, those with a soul, that the suicide rates or alcoholism or use of legal and illegal drugs have been skyrocketing. The same with what we call "mental illness". When a good portion of them comes from the difficulty people with the full span of human emotions have to adapt to this world of spoiled, heartless, rotten children.

The true mentally-ill person is the manipulator.

And he has made the "elite" in his image.

Upper-class people who haven't changed since Jane Austen, and have seen the world evolve in spite of  them. When they didn't see anything wrong in letting children die in their chimneys to clean them. And if the morals hadn't changed under the pressure of good people, the modern version of upper-class wouldn't see any problem with it.

There are more manipulators in power but, in democratic countries, there are more good people in general.

This has them make marketing efforts to look as if they care.

Let's continue to change the mentalities in a positive way.

And let's take the power back.

[lilaetleloup]

When some people hoard toilet paper while others care for the community and others, still, take risks to help...

Now can be the time to know who you truly are, and also to discover those around you.

Wish you and your loved ones to be safe. 🙏🙏🙏