#resistmanipulators

[ryancrossfield]

Hooked on Outrage: How Media-Driven Anger Erodes Critical Thinking and Informed Discourse

The modern media landscape, designed to capture and retain our attention, often employs tactics that prey on our emotions, especially anger. By doing so, media outlets can achieve higher engagement and longer viewership, but this approach has significant cognitive and societal repercussions. Research has consistently shown that anger impairs our ability to think critically and reduces our attention to the quality of arguments, making us more susceptible to simplistic, emotionally charged messages over substantive, credible information. This creates a cycle where emotional manipulation by the media hooks people, but the cost is a general erosion of thoughtful discourse, reduced attention to argument quality, and an increased reliance on shallow cognitive processing.

Psychological studies reveal that anger is particularly effective at narrowing attention and impairing working memory. For instance, Van Dillen and Koole (2007) found that negative emotions like anger reduce the cognitive resources available for complex tasks. When people are angry, they tend to focus more narrowly and selectively on stimuli that confirm or fuel their emotional state, often ignoring information that might challenge or counter it. This effect is critical for understanding how media outlets use anger to hold viewers’ attention. When news is presented in a way that triggers frustration, outrage, or even indignation, viewers are less likely to process the content deeply, focusing instead on the visceral reaction. This emotional engagement may keep people hooked, but it diminishes their capacity to analyze the accuracy or credibility of the information they consume.

Media-driven anger also leads people to think in a more heuristic, less systematic way, as explored by Moons and Mackie (2007). Their research shows that anger leads individuals to rely on cognitive shortcuts rather than a thorough evaluation of arguments. In a state of anger, people are more likely to accept information that aligns with their existing beliefs or that seems emotionally satisfying, rather than information that is factually accurate or well-supported. This phenomenon is troubling in a media context, where narratives are often tailored to provoke outrage over particular issues, with little attention given to nuance or fact-checking. The result is an audience that is constantly stimulated but rarely critically engaged, vulnerable to confirmation bias and ideological manipulation.

The effects of "emotion-induced blindness" further compound this issue. According to Most et al. (2005), intense emotional stimuli, such as anger-provoking content, can cause a temporary cognitive "blindness" to subsequent information. When people encounter emotionally charged headlines or news segments, their ability to fully process what follows is compromised. In the case of media, this means that once viewers are riled up by a sensationalized story, their capacity to critically evaluate other points, counter-arguments, or follow-up information is significantly diminished. They become, in effect, cognitively "blinded" to any nuances or alternative perspectives, creating an echo chamber in which only the anger-inducing message resonates.

Moreover, anger-induced cognitive narrowing impacts how we listen and communicate, as demonstrated by Deffenbacher et al. (2003). They found that anger disrupts listening skills, creating cognitive distractions that prevent people from fully engaging with the content. When the media stirs up anger, viewers’ attention shifts from listening carefully to responding emotionally, making it difficult to process the information accurately. In media consumption, this means that viewers focus less on understanding complex issues and more on reacting to them. For instance, a story presented in a way that provokes anger might prompt viewers to focus on who or what they are supposed to be angry with, rather than on understanding the context, data, or implications of the issue at hand. This emotionalized listening reinforces tribalism and divides audiences along emotional lines rather than encouraging a well-rounded understanding of the facts.

By harnessing anger to captivate their audiences, media outlets can drive engagement and loyalty, effectively keeping viewers coming back for more. But the broader repercussions are severe. When people are angry, their ability to pay attention to the merits or credibility of what is being said is compromised. This means that media-driven anger doesn’t just keep people hooked—it fundamentally shapes how they interpret the information presented to them, often to the detriment of critical thinking. Media consumers, constantly bombarded by anger-provoking content, become accustomed to a more shallow form of processing information. They are more likely to accept arguments at face value, judge information based on emotional resonance rather than factual accuracy, and become less discerning about the sources they trust. In the long term, this pattern can erode public discourse, as fewer people are motivated or even able to critically assess the information they encounter.

The impact on society is far-reaching. As media increasingly relies on anger to drive engagement, audiences become less adept at distinguishing credible sources from sensationalistic ones. The constant stimulation of anger reinforces a mindset that prioritizes immediate emotional satisfaction over informed deliberation. Over time, this creates an environment where people are conditioned to seek out emotionally charged, simplistic narratives rather than nuanced, well-researched journalism. This shift has implications not only for individual well-being but also for public trust in media, political polarization, and the health of democratic discourse.

In an era of increasing media fragmentation and partisanship, understanding these effects is essential. Recognizing how anger impacts cognitive processing, attention, and listening skills gives us the tools to approach media consumption more mindfully. By becoming aware of these tactics, we can better guard against the cognitive traps of emotionally manipulative content. Developing a more critical approach means questioning not only the facts behind a story but also the motives behind its presentation. Why is this story being framed to provoke anger? What are the potential benefits to the source of this story for making people feel this way? And, crucially, is this anger detracting from a fair assessment of the facts?

Ultimately, the responsibility lies with both media producers and consumers. Journalists and editors must consider the ethical implications of framing stories in ways that provoke anger, especially when this tactic can hinder critical thinking and informed decision-making. For viewers, becoming aware of how anger impacts their cognitive abilities is a crucial step toward resisting manipulation. In a world where media can often be more concerned with clicks than credibility, the onus is on each individual to engage mindfully, questioning not just the story but also their own emotional response to it.

By slowing down, taking a step back, and focusing on content that encourages reflection over reaction, we can reclaim our cognitive autonomy and foster a healthier, more discerning approach to media consumption. This shift isn’t just about being more informed; it’s about developing the resilience to avoid being controlled by the emotional hooks that dominate modern media. Awareness of how anger impacts cognition can empower us to make more thoughtful choices about what we consume and, ultimately, allow us to break free from the cycle of shallow processing that has come to define so much of our engagement with information.

The research is clear: anger disrupts our ability to think deeply, listen fully, and engage critically. As long as media outlets continue to use this powerful emotion to capture attention, it is up to each of us to recognize the potential consequences and seek a more balanced, less reactive approach to the information we consume. In doing so, we can protect our cognitive resources, encourage deeper discourse, and resist the pull of manipulative narratives that prioritize profit over truth.

[otaviogilbert]

Your Mind or The System's | Guard Your Mind

In this thought-provoking video, we explore the battle between our own minds and external systems for control over our thoughts and decisions. Discover how to guard your mind against influences that seek to manipulate and shape your thinking. Join us in this insightful journey to reclaim your cognitive autonomy.

[daffodilrays]

How to Protect Your Mind from Manipulation: Maintaining Mental Autonomy

Our minds are constantly bombarded with information and opinions. It’s crucial to develop the ability to filter and protect our thoughts from external influences. When you allow the opinions of others to dictate your choices, you surrender the essence of your individuality, becoming a mere reflection of external influences. It is crucial for individuals to maintain a critical mindset and be…

[lilaetleloup]

awakening

During the second world war, the fight between good and evil was easily defined: it was the alliance against the Nazi. With some nuances of course. There surely had been some bad apples in the army on the good side and some German people were decent people who had no say in what was going on.

Evil and good do not usually confront one another so clearly. They face in the same country, in a  company, in a family. And in a world where climate change is currently challenging our stay on Earth, evil influence has seemed to accelerate.

The democracies, how faulty they may be, are still the most respectful of governments, giving everybody a right to be heard. They are under threat today, and it’s fairly easy to imagine some bad guy from the East having fun, pulling the strings, playing chess with our lives, through his massive investments in social media, corruption of politicians, blackmail and seduction. But he couldn’t do anything without our electoral complicity.

That’s why it’s become so important for us to learn and know about manipulators, about humanity’s dark side.

And would be my guess that it’s no coincidence that the two countries leading the charge against evil during World War, the United States and Great Britain, have currently one very visibly toxic public figure. One in each. People that, on my own toxicity assessment, I would rate as intense narcissists. Without the cleverness to belong to the psychopath category, who know better how to hide.

The danger of this kind of gun blazing narcissists is that they don’t feel the need to conform to society rules like decorum or good manners. Or not long and not too much. These manipulators don’t feel the need to respect subtle limits. Or the intelligence to care about the long run. On the plus side, their direct approach to gratification prevents them from hiding well and will enable these country a very speedy and intense class on this profile and the huge damage it can cause.

And it’s my fervent hope that these countries are not suffering this by chance. Because, more than the possibility of this eastern Dr Evil targeting important chess pieces, I believe in fate. And hopefully, Great Britain and the United-States, who have been at least once the head of the resistance, have maybe been chosen to be, after having gone through these current trials that seem to threaten their identity, the key to a future fight against the bad guys.

[lilaetleloup]

[lilaetleloup]

Manipulators always underestimate us

For once, their monstrous ego tells them to do so. Their ego which has taken the whole place, where before there was a heart and a conscience. Their ego whispering in their ear that they deserve the best. And more. And more. And more... Their ego convincing them that they are part of an elite of predators who shouldn't bow to the common rules, an elite created to enable them to raise in society. A-list, power couple... And they believe it...

And they believe that we, empathetic people are limited by our principles and deserve to be eaten. Principles make us dumb, they believe. Sensitivity makes us weak, they think.

And they are so wrong.

Yes, we have this reflexive projection to give others a heart and we excuse them for emotions that in fact they don’t have. And yes, our emotions can sink us, in this world darker and darker which in which it’s so difficult for us to fit.

But more and more of us get up. And more and more will fight.

We are not idiots. We chose to be temporarily blind because we loved him or her. We loved you, when you were only a marketing creation you imagined to seduce us. When “you” doesn’t even exist. But one day, we see.

And then, my manipulative friend, you can see you underestimated the power of love and the might of our principles. Because we are able to sacrifice everything for them when you are limited by this self-obsession and your survival.

The power of love ? Of this mother who runs towards the tsunami to save her child. Of this man or this woman who loves his/her country and will fight for it. The love for someone, an ideal, a love so important we can risk it all.

They can’t understand that when they only care for themselves. Our emotions are our strength.

[lilaetleloup]

They stage an inverse reality, where they are the good guys and the victims of your villainy.

[lilaetleloup]

And in the absence of real political conviction, they'll just choose the most opportunistic program, do their show and seduce their electors.

There are still a few good apples, politicians with true concern for others, and it's more and more important to spot them.

[lilaetleloup]

I was helping my son with his divisions for his home-schooling this morning.

And I injected some politics/economics in the mix...

"Well, son, the division has us distribute the same amount of money among people. It's a mathematical utopia. Unfettered capitalism, on the other hand, lets one greedy villain have it all and despise others from his new wealth height!".

Be safe ❤

[lilaetleloup]

"Persuasion" of Jane Austen could have been called "Manipulation"

The work of Miss Austen is especially fascinating for the psychological description she paints of the "good" society of her time. With a precise, cutting, humorous and cynical brush.

Of course, when I first discovered this author, I loved her for the romance and Mr Darcy, but now that this coronavirus has me reread my books, I also re-discovered "Persuasion" with a new eye and have been struck by all the negative characters in this story.

The goodhearted people are an absolute minority and I find here a confirmation about my estimation on the current "elite". Who I believe to be composed by an horrific majority of negative people, more than three quarters.

The summit of the hierarchical pyramid hasn't changed its essence, it would seem. Only its appearance.

And to come back to this book, with a few exceptions, quite all the characters of the story can be credited with obscure and sneaky intentions.

The culture of the time, which gave a woman no other mean of survival than get herself the richest husband possible, being the prettiest and the most vapid, did in fact, favour superficiality and cunning.

Also, the abyssal vacuum in people, thinking doing nothing more of their time than putting new clothes on five times a day, added to their conviction that being well born was paramount could enable monstrous egos to revolve around one's navel. In perpetuity.

It's quite a miracle, then, that we could escape this moral abomination.

As for this book, as I won't be describing the too numerous disagreeable characters, I'd like to describe three archetypes, that could illustrate my own classification of negative people. First, there is the father and the oldest sister of the heroine, Sir Walter Elliot ans Miss Elizabeth Elliot. They are introduced, at the beginning of the book, as the absolute worst in the heroine's life but they are, in fact, no more that horrid selfish people. There is no manipulation in these two, so exclusively occupied at loving and pleasing themselves, telling whatever goes through their head. As they make no effort to be agreeable to others, the fact that they don't care for the heroine is clear to everyone, herself included. And it would be easy to loath them but the selfish person is the least dangerous among the negative profiles. As they don't wear any mask, we aren't fooled about the goods. Its the selfish person, on the contrary, that could get manipulated by meaner people : and it is precisely the case in this book.

In a more negative category, you have the other sister of the heroine, a Mrs Mary Musgrove, which is the name she got after her marriage. At first, the heroine declares she prefers the way this sister treats her, as an useful object or a servant : she finds it more gratifying. But I beg to differ. And you have here the faulty and classical reasoning of your typical good person, always happy to be useful, always in danger of becoming the handy saviour of everyone, except herself. Distributing empathy, love and affection, forgetting to take care of herself. And being abused in return. This isn't at all healthy. So this sister, an obvious narcissist, with a poor cleverness, is always wailing and playing the victim to have others do exactly what she wants. And gets it, most of the time. People in these days were so polite and respectful of manners... She always wants to be the centre of everybody's attention and sees everything through the prism of her own advantage. And if the heroine finds in this sister the ephemeral pleasure of being of some use, she would, without any other interference, have finished her life being the unpaid servant, little more than a slave, in someone else's hoe, raising her nieces and nephews, entertaining the family, with Hartshorn at the ready for an ever swooning sister.

There is also a psychopath in this book. Well, there is at least one, as I suspect more but this one is clearly denounced as one: William Elliot, the heir of the heroine's father. He is known at the end of the story as cold-hearted, ruthless and manipulative. Along the way, he was already seen to be adapting to people, lying and using his charm. And this, here, is the most dangerous negative profile because this people are the cleverest and adapt their appearance and behaviour to their objectives and targets. At a time when marriage was unbreakable and women had no more right than chattel, the fate of an innocent young women glued to the toxic charm of this kind of man, would have been dire, indeed. And the author has us know, in fact, that the first wife of this man had been very unhappy and died young.

In this particular book, the heroine was cleverly distrustful of such an apparent perfection and the total absence of spontaneous emotions. And she was already in love of another. She was lucky enough to escape some traps and clever enough to avoid others. She got to marry the good man and together, they will have the chance, to build their own inner positive universe in this world of elitist heartless villains.

[lilaetleloup]

When you have no choice, you must be ready to fight the manipulator on his ground. In the mud.

[lilaetleloup]

the signs that point to a manipulator I

As far as my lectures and my experience go, there are many signs who can help you identify a manipulator (from the narcissist to the psychopath).

Of course, some manipulators won’t have all the characteristics of their species and the cleverest of them all, the sociopath / psychopath will hide behind a mask. But they will need some time to decompress and be themselves. Most notably when they are among family.

To write this series, I was inspired by a self-help guru which I don’t believe is as positive as his fans believe him to be. This – oh ! - so delicious contrast between an image of sainthood and the reality of their inner self is the turf on which the most talented manipulators love to play: in the credulity, the admiration and most importantly, the energy of the crowd.

1. first there was the look

Because to whom has been in regular and repeated contact with a manipulator, as is my case, this look is very identifiable. A metallic glint, an evil intensity that no empath will never have in his or her eyes. Just never.

An empath could have anger in the eye, nobody is perfect and all that. But not this glittery and self-satisfied hatred.

I only need one time. Just once, when I catch this look, for my suspicions to awake. In the selfie age, photographic delight for whom is happily loving one-self, this look is all the more easy to catch.

You just have to put aside the luminous smile, lips stretched to their maximum on a perfect dentition, to not be fooled by the first impression.

And there you are. Gotcha.

2. then there is the appearance

And this is the less revealing characteristic of all. Because our current society is based on image. And many professions, if not all, require an effort in this particular area.

But yes, an excess in surgery or Botox could reveal a narcissist.

It could also reveal someone lacking desperately in self-confidence or being criticized by a manipulator who can’t tolerate anything less than perfection in his entourage.

3. me, me and me

Of course. It’s the basis.

Everything should be for the manipulator. The consequence being that there should be nothing left for others.

The manipulator, as he depends on the exterior for his energy dose, rejoices in the Carpe Diem philosophy: take each day your shoot of pleasure, power or other’s emotions. This way of devouring life is highly seductive from the outside. Just try to remember that you are on the menu.

The cleverest of them all, the psychopaths, won’t be blinded by this daily necessity and will be able to have middle term plans. They will not burn the ground as they walk. One never knows what the future holds. A narcissist is too obsessed by the next meal to care. But both are completely indifferent to the consequences to others, the planet or future generations. After them, the flood or the falling of Rome.He doesn’t give a damn. The wealthiest have already bought their bunker or a domain in New-Zealand, the most adventurous look towards Mars.

The manipulator loves himself with fervour. And believes he’s superior. He sees himself as the centre of the universe. The solar system, Mars included, revolves around his navel.

4. and let’s talk about God

The most toxic of manipulators, the psychopaths, are absolutely conscious not to play on the good guys’ side, but to hit the ball for the competition.

And for those who have chosen the religious mask, without any scruple whatsoever, it’s an absolute ironical delight. They will enjoy the play, being all the more rigorous and fanatical. Hello there, Torquemada!

Manipulators can use religious or any secular version of love and charity: humanitarianism, social politics, medicine... As long as it works!

Therefore killing two birds with the same crucifix: to criticize him, is daring to criticize the Creator, Morality, the Good. Don’t you have any decency? It’s a very useful taboo, because as a matter of fact, he doesn’t like criticism. At all.

(to be continued...)

[lilaetleloup]

A true leader isn't someone who uses you. But someone who cares.

[lilaetleloup]

the signs that point to a manipulator VI

24. he brings you down

For the pleasure, to have you in his power, to feed his fragile ego and to get from you the emotions he’ll use to feed himself or discredit you.

And also because, well, the manipulator secretly hates you: you have a heart and he hates you for it.

It can be difficult to differentiate between systemic depreciation and valid criticism.

Because everyone can be critical. And sometimes it’s warranted.

How then, can you know the difference ?

Quite simply: you have to ask yourself how you feel.

If you feel bad, that you lose progressively the trust you have in yourself, that you feel like a failure, never encouraged to do something or be yourself... you may have been under too much targeted criticism.

And the true danger is that in living this alternative reality when you are constantly hit while he presents himself as the victim, you can end up doubting of yourself, of your own perceptions, your cleverness and your equilibrium.

Furthermore, one of his classic attack is to say you’re loosing the plot or your mind. That you’re inventing stuff, lying, imagining things, are hysterical, should calm down, are batshit crazy...

The easiest way to send the problem back in your turf as quickly as he possibly can.

And you can come to the point where you wonder if indeed you are still mentally sane.

If this happens, he’ll use it against you.

And will relish telling the world he was right all along.

25. special attention on the passive-aggressive

It’s a two time movement.

The manipulator will attack you verbally, without reason, preferably with innuendos you’ll be the only one to understand. This is the aggressive part.

The ideal is for you to react but for other people around, if there are, to not perceive the intensity of the attack. And therefore to not understand your logical reaction and think YOU are the aggressor.

Because once the aggressive part has been dealt, the manipulator will protect himself behind his victim mask, giving you the role of the bad guy. This is the passive part.

It’s the bully who hits you and then puts his false glasses on. You won’t be so mean that you’d hit someone with glasses, will you?

#bekind

The two movement can be in the opposite order when the manipulator will preemptively present you as the bad guy before going to your throat.

It can look like this: “You aren’t a nice person, you should be kinder, you ugly son of a bleep, selfish, jealous looser, get a life!”

Yes, I know, written like that it seems to be a caricature but just give a second look at the many comments on social media...

Because the manipulator, as I wrote before, can’t bear criticism and will, if submitted to one, bury you under recriminations, blaming you – the irony! - for not being kind.

Criticism is useful when it’s constructive or when there is a manipulator at the receiving end.

You shouldn’t let him be destructive without reacting. And I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the recent #bekind movement has partly been launched by one or more manipulators: it’s a virtual pair of glasses.

When they get low, he won’t let you go high, though: the manipulator will take it as encouragement and attack you until he hits the mark. He wants to prove you’re bad and meanwhile he can have fun. Pure happiness.

26. he doesn’t want your happiness

At all.

Without a heart, he can’t be happy and can only feed on you or on crowds.  Or know pleasure, this substitute promised to those who abdicated their conscience.

Your happiness is an insult to him.

He can’t bear it.

And then his ego whispers in his head that you have everything HE deserves. That you are robbing him. That you had everything easily when he’s slaving. That it’s soooooooo not fair.

He’s eaten by jealousy, bitterness, envy and hate.

If life hasn’t given him what he is sure he deserves, it’s because you have his job, especially if you are an immigrant. If you are happily married, it’s because you have his spouse. Or the kids she was supposed to give birth to. The money that should be in his pocket. His oxygen...

And he will try to kill your happiness.

27. you don’t feel good

You are depreciated, criticized, attacked, nothing you do is good enough and it’s always your fault.

Your emotions are dismissed, you are not respected.

And after the first love-bombing months, and the subsequent episodes he hopes briefer and briefer when he makes an effort to keep his hold on you, he will do everything in his power to have you feel unhappy.

If this wasn’t enough, the manipulator is an energy vampire.

And I would guess, an inspiration for the bloody one.

Energy is another vital force and as a Reiki master, I should know how important it is to your well-being.

If you live with a intense manipulator, you can feel drained, without enthusiasm, without desire, sad without cause, exhausted without knowing why, and sometimes without any more forces to resist.

The more toxic the manipulator, the more intense the symptoms.

Is the manipulator is only a low range narcissist, you could spend an entire life being slowly eroded,  sustaining him, trying unsuccessfully to please him: daily Sisyphus running behind your stone.

Some manipulators have taken the extra measure to isolate you.

And as you are alone, you feel worse and worse. It can raise to the physical level: you are more easily ill, you gain weight, loose hair...

In some cases, you can go through apathy periods. When you don’t even have the strength to get out of bed. It isn’t necessarily a depression, sometimes getting you out of the talons of the toxic person, can be enough for you to recover.

But it can get you to a true depression.

The manipulator won’t have any compassion for you and will take advantage, again and again, of your vulnerability.

Everything is in his interest and against you.

(to be continued...)

[lilaetleloup]

The forest is burning

Greta Thunberg spoke to the UN recently and  - my god ! -, did I find her compelling. Something she said especially caught my attention : « If you really understood the situation and still kept on failing to act, then you would be evil. And that I refuse to believe. ».

Because at that precise moment, what I thought was, « not all are but a good proportion of the people in power is evil », the sad truth being that the higher your climb, the less oxygen you will find.

I’m a Reiki master and what I found out lately (and that surely a lot of people knew before) is that there is a clear frontier between positive and negative people. The positive ones know how to generate energy, mainly through emotions, and the negative ones, driven by their ego, have forgotten a long time ago how this works and depend on others’ energy, on their fuel, on the power they have on people, or their outside attractiveness to a multitude. The modern world, its blurry values and narcissism seems to favour these people and it’s no coincidence, as they shape the world they are in charge of, in their image.

They are so ego driven, they only think about themselves. They reinvented a grotesque “carpe diem”, meant for them to have everything and to have it now. Me, me, me and myself.

They don’t care if they burn the Amazon while collecting some millions more they really don’t need. They feel they deserve it. And in case they also thought they were not old enough to escape possible consequences, they have invested in some New Zealand property. A far away land they evaluated the less prone to tsunami , earthquake or revolution.

And here comes the purpose of my blog... As a professional of energies and the surviving daughter of an extreme malignant narcissist, I feel I have to testify of the reality and damages of these negative profiles. Because knowledge is also power.

Because I believe that if we want to save our world, we have also to identify who is busy ruining it.

[lilaetleloup]

the signs that point to a manipulator V

19. he is cut from a large part of his emotions.

He doesn’t know love, nor happiness: he has no quality attributed to the heart. The only positive emotion he knows, it’s pleasure. Most notably the pleasure of winning: money, energy, influence, power, your attention. And he is always running after it.

And so we find ourselves in he Troll movie, with the big bad Bergens who, in order to have an agreeable moment, think they have no other solution but to eat a happy Troll.

Because as I said in the precedent article, his main emotion is anger. And it cuts him from every others. The manipulator doesn’t face his emotions, he flees them. He is basically a coward.

20. he doesn’t like to give

His ego is always whispering he deserves everything.  So when the manipulator gives, it’s to receive more in the bargain or to build his charitable image.

As one of the members of my family said: “generosity is just well thought selfishness”.

When the manipulator gives, he thinks he deserves effusive thanks and, if at all possible, a visible display of his gift.

21. he doesn’t like physical contact...

... unless it’s used to brand you and mark his power. Or for his personal pleasure. And there are all kind of gestures he will use to control you: his hand on your back to make you feel inferior, your hand he will grab and keep in his space to prevent you from escaping, the punishing handshake to show you who is boss...

He doesn’t like touching to give affection because he doesn’t like to give. And he doesn’t like loosing his grasp on control.

Sometimes, sadly, if his mass-scale manipulative job requires it and he must seem to care, he will force himself to do as he’s supposed to: hands displayed just so, eyes closed, big smile, white teeth. A less careful narcissist will be seen kissing the air or pretend touching his kid for a photograph when in fact, his hand is staying prudently away from the surface.

In bed, it can give a variety of consequences, from asexuality to 50 nuances of Grey. To love pleasure but to run from affection has manipulators looking for a delicate sex balance. Some will rape or enjoy sexual harassment, fully embracing their predatory nature.

And sometimes, at last, he has learned to be a good lover as another weapon to hunt you down.

22. he knows how to get your love

They all know how to be loved. You should never underestimate him. But it’s always puzzling for those who know the victim: how can it be he doesn’t see? Why doesn’t he realize he’s bamboozled?

The gas-lighted victim will answer something like “you don’t know him like I do” with a sprinkle of “he has excuses, he has had a difficult childhood/marriage/something.” And it’s true the victim won’t have seen the manipulator under the same light  as his kin.

Because the manipulator uses his poisonous charm on a selected few. And for a limited period.

The victim will have thus the impression to know a totally different person than the one others describe, when they try to save him. And the victim believes he knows best because he thinks he has had access to the manipulator’s intimate self. In reality, the victim is fooled: the one under which charm he has fallen, lover, wife, friend, politician, guru... isn’t real.  It’s an illusion created to seduce him. And this is, by far, the most difficult to let go. Because this illusion has been invented especially for you, for what you miss in life, for your traumatism, your faults, your dreams, your needs, your wishes and your fantasies.

The manipulator won’t always keep this illusion alive. He can’t. And even if he could, he wouldn't. He won’t make more efforts than necessary and will let the illusion progressively disappear. But the victim, dazzled by his dream in the flesh, has already committed emotionally. Or more: he can have married his manipulator, have had children with him, let his previous life go, lost his financial autonomy or his friends...

And so, in love of an illusive star or stuck in the swamp, the victim will find more and more excuses to his torturer, find justifications. And become in the deed, the accomplice of his own ordeal.

23. the more toxic the more charisma

Because it’s fairly known you don’t attract flies with vinegar. And you are the fly.

I believe in love at first sight, first and foremost when there is a manipulator involved. And it could seem a paradox, that a person I describe lacking in personality could also be so seductive. It’s because charisma doesn’t depend on personality but depends on some very clear and definite tricks: an apparent self-confidence (in fact, no shame which allows him to dare anything, lots of arrogance and self-love), this way he has to savour life and the energy of those around, and an everlasting narcissism that has him play a role to get anyone’s attention. If all that weren’t enough, some can turn an internal switch and project some kind of electric energy.

The human energy exists, the manipulator knows it.

As his total lack of conscience, his ambition and rage may have propelled him to the highest levels of money and power, we have here a classic potent aphrodisiac. And a romantic cliche à la “Pretty Woman”.

I’ve recently seen on social media, this sentence, meant to be motivational, I guess, and which could be the perfect motto of manipulators: “There is the lamp and there is the butterfly. I choose to be the lamp.”

Knowing the poor insect will, in the best case scenario, loose his time flying around an illusion, and, in the worst case, been consumed on it, you get the idea...

You can’t be too careful of neon lights.

(to be continued...)