#stop the British from coming
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OH GOD IF THE STORM KEEPS GOING DOES THAT MEAN AMERICA IS GONNA DISAPPEAR?
#Vertin listen to me#I know you want time to return but pls#stop the British from coming#reverse 1999#honeystar
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what are some assumptions/ beliefs you have about brits? and what are questions you'd like to ask a british person? because I'm all for neil being british bc of his mother but also the fact that he definitely spent more time there than other european countries, but some of the assumptions people have about the british are just too insane and so not real
#no we don't say bloody as much as you'd think#swearing is wayy more frequent than people realise like you come out of the womb being all “well that was fucking fun”#brings me to my next point#sarcasm is not a lifestyle. it flows in our veins and nothing can stop it from flowing or easing#aftg#the foxhole court#aftg by kee#neil josten#tfc#british#neil josten i know you drink tea don't hide your true self
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Also minor and likely underinformed complaint but for all that I absolutely love the dynamic in "The Frogs and the Lobsters" I do think it completely erases and simplifies the politics of Brittany at that time and place
#i do think it's delightful that they put in a very clear narrative that the brutality of the aristocracy was bad actually#(and that did come from forester so good for him on that count)#as a side note i think that british navy napoleonic war fiction has a deeply fascinating relationship with the french revolution#but that's a dynamic to unpack in another post#HOWEVER. i think there was a reason that they landed in brittany and i think it did not entirely have to do with geographical proximity#once again i will say that i have very limited knowledge of the french revolution let alone of brittany#but many interesting questions and dynamics are raised there and i wish we could explore them#(someone stop me before i pull out the gramsci)#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#tbf this is yet another unrealistic expectation for boat book and i need to stop doing this :/#breton mariette saga
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i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.
#IN MY MIND HE'S JUST LIKE ME and i understand why he dropped out of art school also.#i need to get back to my readings but im too into thinking about the couple dozen issues i have read#and then going i wonder what he was like in college. and the answer is definitely fucking annoying.#if i knew him i know we would be not arguing in art history class. i would be saying his takes are stupid outside of class during break.#and he would go i dont know how somoene can defend british utilitarian furniture so vehemently and try to liken it to bauhaus design#our arguments would also stem from having very different art history and therefore philosophy education. his background would be from a pro#who would focus on european canon as per usual while my prof was coming from the perspective of someone with a phd in asian art history#and a curriculum based mostly around exploring and investigating non euro art work and how movements like modernism and#post modernism functioned in other continents.#this is such a main blog post but idont care. EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW HOW I PROJECT AND INTERACT WITH HIM IN MY MIND#he would also hate how i argue for art even i dont care about by approaching it at the philosophical angle.#'how do you like this it's barely even art. or it is art. but it's a boring cop out for suckers. honestly.'#'the thing is i dont like it. i just think you need to expand your world views and stop being close minded. youre limiting yourself.'#you might go eiffel what are you basing this on? the answer is vaguely remembered panels in my mind plus generally taste opinions of his i#can gleam from what art references they give him within issues.#it would also be funny bc like. he has a background in design... he's just stubborn and snobby i think when it then comes to the realm of#fine arts. i think his opinions and how they operate in regards to design + illustration + non gallery art are probably quite different#but i cant lie. from the singular 'i dont wanna be some loser who shows up with a blank canvas to a gallery' panel i remember someone talki#about in a post i have used it to create a variety of thoughts i think he could have had.#and the answer is the opinions of someone definitely a little annoying in art school. with a pretty standard traditional training#and background that stems from euo+american art history and sensibilities that inform how he interacts with art. which is very normal#but i think it's funny to view him as someone i would probably roll my eyes at for some comments he would be making.#and it gets funnier with how he acts generally as a person.#kyle you cant be this snobby when you are drawing pin ups of your work crush in your home studio...#good lord this got so long i have a problem. hi. sorry to my new follower your kyle posting made me go ha ha kyle. i like that guy.#static.soundz#back issues box#< it might as well go there bc i blabbed way too hard and too much. sorry. overtaken by an entity in my mind
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just a random thought but i always found it odd thst max fans champion around the nickname "mad max" that he himself dislikes being used, mostly because it was given to him by esteban ocon. it is a nickname that has carried with him since birth but only really came into fruition since he entered f1. i know that verstappies support the "crashtappen" agenda and want him to be a 'dirty' driver as a means for entertainment but funny enough, max completely refutes this time and time again. he can never prove himself to be a clean and hard but fair racer to critics because his own fandom champion that he should be the opposite.
it shouldn't have to be said but i am not painting all verstappies with a brush, everyone has their own opinions. but i do wonder how many watch for the legitimacy of the sport or just want to see max completely reject the rulebook for the fun of it. the image and reputation of max will be directly bastardised by his own fandom.
#coming from a max fan as well. apologies to my max moots but i've seen enough to warrant this.#you need to stop setting up max. he's a good racer who makes mistakes like all drivers. let's not legitimise his reputation manufactured by#british media#give him peace.
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Wish there was a way to begin to explain what happened tonight during stream because there’s some kind of gold in Jim thinking that Riddler is fairy (like tinkerbell) but everyone else just thinks he’s calling Ed a slur and the pipeline it leads down, connecting to Bruce thinking babies come from kissing, all the way to Jim asking Ed and Oswald if Tim was “their fairy baby and Tim telling Steph “I think Jim just called me a fairy.” Steph: “sorry you had to find out this way, but we all kind of knew.”
#ravenpuff rambles#y’all it’s fucking wild out here I’m telling you#and it’s the funniest shit in my life to think about Jim having no idea fairy can be used as a slur#and he’s just convinced Ed is an actual mythical being#while literally everyone he talks to keeps going “I don’t think you can say that Jim#all of Gotham is begging their commissioner to stop being homophobic. Jim is just fucking confused why no one is as excited about this as he#also Bruce got bad sex ed in school and then Alfred forgot he was a parent and needed to give Bruce the talk so he just kind of never#learned a goddamn thing.#Bruce tells every one of his kids babies come from kissing. every single time Alfred spits out his tea in shock because B still doesnt know#he has like 12 children and fathered at least one of them biologically and Alfred things surely he’d figure it out#he never does#meanwhile Bruce things talking about kissing makes Alfred uncomfortable because he’s old and British#Luckily the kids at least got a better education#Dick had to learn himself but he gave Jason the full talk with PowerPoints and everything#(Jason begged him to stop because he could learn through books. dick refused)#every subsequent kid has been informed by the one before them#So Jason is unfortunately tasked with teaching Tim.#Tim passes it on to Duke. Duke to Damian. etc#Babs gave Cass the talk though. Dick refused because he had done his one brotherly duty and Jason refused because Cass was older then him#so to Babs it was.#she also gave Steph the talk against her will which Steph thought was stupid because she had already had a kid by then#none of them are allowed to tell Bruce the truth though#Jason tried and Dick covered his mouth before he could finish.#Damian has tried several times but is always interrupted but Tim appearing out of nowhere and tackling him to the ground#I love this stupid fucking family your honor
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Didn't think the 1989 version of The Woman In Black would be scarier than the one with Dan Radcliffe in it
I was Wrong flkjdsafkldsja, but I'm delighted to have been wrong. I had missed getting scared with more practical effects/careful timing of things in the background of shots appearing and disappearing, and this one scratches that itch well.
#text post#also fun seeing how differently they interpreted the characters and how they act#personally i'm realising that the Dan version was sort of. Americanised? Which is probably something I should have realised at first watch#but it only hits now when it's like. how to explain#the casts of both versions are both amazing let's preface with that#but. the Dan version felt very Cinematic. I got scared but was also very aware I was watching An Movie during it#(it got colour-graded quite blue which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it does register in my head as Peak Cinematic for the current time#the version of the characters in this 89 version feel slightly more real? accurate to the culture they come from?#like. there's an American Openness between the ones in the Dan version#they're too open to share and hand out compliments and comments like candy they have too much of#everyone is Nice in a way that feels mildly unrealistic#and when they are mad at each other there's tension but a tension#that to me at least you don't worry abt much bc it just feels almost Already Resolved#and it does sort of just drop off and wind up that way tbh#tho I admit it's been a bit since I read the original story so my apologies if I'm misremembering that it did the same in the book#but I could swear there was more that bit of tension there#anyway it isn't that the 89 characters are all mean but they feel Actually British for lack of better words#they have moments of kindness and do have a general sense of like. yeah they care for their community but also they're getting on w/themsel#and their business and not lingering on the interactions#They're kind but not nice and they just. get on with things which is very nice#and feels more in line with the time period to me/what I expect out of a story like this#anyway speaking of Dan found out the guy playing Arthur in this also played the dad in the gross wizard franchise#which wasn't something I expected to see lol#this is my long barely an essay no one asked for and your sign to go watch the 89 version asap#it's on YT for free which is where I'm watching it so genuinely if anyone want link. I have link fjkdlsfjadlsa#I have so many more thoughts comparing and contrasting Dan to 89 but there are so many tags i'm making myself stop lmao
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when will people cough north americans stop generalizing the entirety of continents as one entity? europe is culturally diverse, so is south america, and asia, and africa, and all the little places inbetween like countries in the caucasus?
i’m sure it’s real easy to generalize a whole lot of culturally rich places to make your point, buddy
#ik people like to say ‘white people do this about x continent all the time’ but like#… no. a lot of people do regardless of their identity#AND THIS INCLUDES EUROPE#stop fictionalizing europe as this monotone place with no culture when making your race posts when what you really mean is just england#WHICH btw still has a lot of culture. hate to break it to you but even england has culture#doesn’t matter if the british empire has a horrid colonial history. there’s still culture that isn’t that#how about we stop going tit for tat with cultural insults altogether?#i can’t support making ‘hashtag activism’ posts that are just shitty to a different group of people#REGARDLESS of privilege or percieved privilege#god it just infuriates me. you see how that’s hypocritical right?#‘we can make fun of them because they would say this about someone too’ oh so you’re partaking in the same thing you call racism?#doesn’t matter if a person comes from a privileged culture or not. you’re still doing the shitty thing#vent post#i prefer if you don’t reblog this unless you’re going to be very polite about things#i’m not starting a political discussion i don’t think tumblr can handle intersectionality#this post is for me and my mutuals#and because some idiots would freak out if i didn’t disclose this: no i am not white
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going to blow myself up i forgot how fucked up mass effect women are :(
#radio chatter#theyre too sexy in like a gross way#stop showing me mirandas ass shes annoying AND british#literally all the gay romance options blow ass when will my girl tali come home from the war
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This show fell on it's face when it tried to kinda sorta redeem Maud at the end.
Yeah, go and fuck off, lady, good radiance.
Headcanon: Rupert changed his handwriting to make it easier for Taggie to read
#the rest was quite excellent though?#except for the strange oversexualized humor that british and americans seem to love which does absolutely nothing for me#but yeah except for taggie's parents every characterization was spot 👌#stop trying to make me like them show#im not gonna like them#at least the writers tried SOMETHING with Declan by making him punch a rapist but cmon...#that is a very low bar for a decent human being#maud on the other hand gets written out from the story for like four episodes only to come back as a martyr...#eeeehhhh aint buying it
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I'm sure all of you who (rightfully) complain about AEW's shitty sexist commentary are just as mad at Nigel for spending the entirety of the Toni/Taya match objectifying Taya and making gross, pervy comments about her and how he wants to fuck her, right? Right?! RIGHT??!! 🙂🙂🙂
#I mean it's not like y'all conveniently don't care about sexist commentary when it's coming from a man you find attractive for some reason#Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight? 🙂🙂🙂#I don't make many hater posts these days but long term followers of mine will not be surprised to know I still hate that fucking wanker#Wrestling is Bad Actually#The way he talks about the women is fucking gross#He treats them like sex objects instead of y'know WRESTLERS??!!#At least Taya isn't half his age like poor Mariah *shudders*#And that's when he could be bothered to even talk about the match itself. Mostly he just talked about himself#Somebody tell him that commentators shouldn't be using words like 'I' or 'Me'#And also tell him to stop being a fucking creep about all the blonde women#NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT WHO GETS YOUR GROSS OLD DICK HARD NIGEL#And he gets paid for this shit?? And adulated like he's the best commentator of all time??!! Fucking hell man#(This post is brought to by me not being able to use my usual strategy of watching AEW with the Spanish commentary#Because for some reason Triller didn't give me the option for Battle of the Belts#Forcing me to listen to British Jerry Lawler when all I want is to enjoy some women's wrestling. A tragedy.)
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#idk idk idk#what the fuck do people want us to do lmao#'americans are spineless'#youre asking us to stage some kind of glorious revolution so we wind up with no president next year#shit doesnt work like that#they wring their hands and whinge and whine about how bad it makes them feel to vote blue#as though theres any other choice#i cant start a political revolution#i mean fuck if one kicked off my ass would be out there but i dont know what to do to start that#and barring a revolution theres only two outcomes#im sorry it makes you feel bad in your wittle heart but i remember what the last trump presidency was like and this one would only be worse#i dont like voting blue either#the unfortunate reality is that the situation in Palestine will not be resolved by this election#its so so important and i understand that but sometimes the reality of the world doesnt make you feel warm and fuzzy inside#sometimes you have to do things you dont like to keep something worse from happening#i understand american elections affect the world i get the frustration people have#but when british people come in here calling us spineless for voting blue it pisses me off#its Trump a Dem or a Revolution#id prefer a revolution#but i cant count on it#that doesnt make me spineless#and people act like you cant vote and go out orgazing and protesting and shit#its not an either or#begging people to stop telling trans americans to be complicit in allowing a party that wants us dead to dominate our government
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Trying to explain what the fuck just happened in Lankan politics today.
The leftist party has won 159 seats out of 218 in the Parliamentary elections. The single biggest landslide win since we broke from the British and achieved universal franchise in 1948.
Any party achieving a super majority in the executive and legislative is, objectively speaking, bad. It disables checks and balances, which is a catastrophic thing for any democracy, and the only two other times it's happened for us has irrevocably eroded the fabric of civic rights and democratic freedom. Also, the reason the NPP won the North and East is that the colonized, genocided and subjugated people there have no faith in electoralism anymore. The way this government has engaged minority issues has been utterly abysmal and now they've been rewarded for it.
On the other hand:
The winners. Are all. Grassroots. Candidates.¹
We have voted out every single career criminal that's been barnacled into the Lankan political arena since before I've been alive. The fascist party has only three seats.² The other fascists didn't win a single seat. The neoliberal legacy party won none. There are only forty people in Parliament that represent any sort of dynastic political legacy. After 76 solid years of nothing but political dynasties.
This is barely five years after the Rajapaksas swept in and absolutely glutted the Parliament with their family members and cronies end to end.
This is the illegitimate interim government we had for most of the last 18 months. We literally, physically, chased the Rajapaksas out of the country and this fucking demon set up a puppet government just so he could finally sit in that goddamn chair and be the despot he'd always dreamed of in exchange for letting them all come back. He's now gone. His entire circle is gone.
THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GONE.
In US terms, just imagine that, five years from now, when Trump's GOP has control of everything, the entire GOP and the worst of the Dems are all purged from Congress and Senate, the Green Party in control of all three branches of government under a pro-union left-wing President and an unmarried female LGBT rights activist Vice President, and the Dems reduced to barely 20% of the House.
This is my anthropology professor. She joined politics from the small nascent leftist coalition to help keep the government accountable. She's now the Prime Minister and the most popular Parliamentary candidate in the nation's history. (Edit: She was knocked off first place by a dude in the final result. Boo.)
(On the other hand— the woman who helped make me a radical anarchist and literally helped write a book on political dissent and resistance...now is the state. Uh.)
But there are so many women in Parliament! We had the lowest female representation in a South Asian Parliament and some of them were from the list of seats reserved for parties rather than elected ones. Most were either anti-feminist conservative embarrassments, widows and daughters of elite politicians and neoliberal shills. It's still only an increase of a few percentage points (Edit: from the previous 5% to 10% in the final result!) but now we have elected academics, feminist advocates, activists! There Is a representative for Malaiyaha Tamils in the Central Province for the first time in history and it's a young woman! (Edit: now it's two female Malaiyaha MPS!!) This is the plantation community that still live in conditions closest to the slavery the British forced upon them two hundred years ago!
I'm like. Completely mindfucked. To be very very clear, the NPP coalition formed around the nucleus of the JVP that used to be communist but haven't been in 30 years, they're now just social democrats who are left of places like the US and UK, whose "left" is now center-right. They're only threatening to the Western mainstream media for some reason who can't stop bleating about how we have a "Marxist" government now. In reality, the actual chances for radical reform are still quite low, and the opportunity for further erosion is quite high with a super majority government regardless of affiliation.
On the other hand:
What the fuck.
Sometimes living through historical events is really damn amazing.
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¹ Well, nearly. There are a few career politicians and a nepo baby but they aren't so bad either.
² Goddamn it, Baby Rajapaksa and Sri Lanka's answer to JD Vance have wormed their way in using the list of Constitutionally reserved party seats for non-elected members. FUCK the National List.
#five years ago i was working a news desk watching a band of violent ethnofascists known for genocide torture kidnappings and murder sweep in#and take control of the entire country#on the heels of the worst terrorist attack we've suffered that they orchestrated for this purpose#wondering how many of our colleagues would be safe#and watching the people that opposed them flee the country#i cannot tell you the enraging hopeless terror#and now#they're all gone#THEY'RE FUCKING GONE#sri lanka politics#sri lanka news#sri lanka protests#sri lankan parliamentary elections#sri lanka election 2024#anura kumara dissanayake#harini amarasuriya#feminism#leftism#world news#faith in humanity#power to the people#aragalaya#knee of huss#අරගලයට ජය!#අරගලයට ජය
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you lock the 141 outside your house (I know my rights tiktok)
pairing: task force 141 (ghost, gaz, price, soap) x american!female reader
synopsis: you lock them out of your (their?) house, claiming you "know your rights." based on a tiktok trend with soldiers.
warnings: none just fluff and humor :)))
a/n: I wrote this in like an hour and I think it's the funniest thing EVER thanks
Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List
requests open for tf141!
SEE TIKTOK HERE
—
Ghost:
You watch as your boyfriend gets out of his truck in the driveway. He grabs his bag from the passenger seat and makes his way to the front door, a smile twitching under his mask at the sight of you waiting for him.
Just as he steps to the porch, you close the door and lock it. “I know my third amendment rights!”
Ghost stops at the door, dropping his bag. Rights? What were you talking about? “Your what?”
“No Soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner,” You reply, reading off your phone.
Ghost sighs. Third amendment? Of course, the one American he dates is the one that has them all memorized. You could probably recite them in your sleep. Patriotism, or whatever. Which makes zero sense. You were living with him in Manchester. If all went well and you got married, he was making sure he changed your status to British.
“You fucking Americans.” He grabs the key from his bag, going to unlock the door only to find you locking it. “Are you serious?”
You show your phone at him through the glass, the third amendment displayed on a Google search. He stares back at you from his mask, unamused. “Bloody hell, woman,” he mutters.
You giggle from behind the door and give him a few more minutes before going to unlock it. You knew Simon’s limits. You only needed a few seconds of fun anyway, but by the time you unlock it, he’s gone.
“Simon?” You call out, poking your head out the door and checking around the house. His truck was still there, so he didn’t turn back around. You don’t see any movements or even hear anything. Was he picked up by aliens?
A thud sounds from behind you, and you yelp, shutting the door and turning around.
Simon stands in front of you, arms crossed and his duffel bag on the floor.
“What the hell?” You said, looking him up and down.
“I should be asking you that,” He retorts. “You should really lock your windows, love.”
“Are you… did you climb through one?”
“You locked me out.”
“I went to unlock it!”
“Third amendment rights, my arse.” He grabs your waist, pulling you towards him. “We’re in England.”
You shrug, tracing up his arm. “Thought it was funny.”
Simon just sighs. “Americans.”
Gaz:
“Oh, hell no!” You exclaim as Gaz approaches the door. “I know my third amendment rights.” The lock clicks.
“No fucking way,” Gaz said, strolling up to the glass storm door.
“No soldiers in this home.”
He stares at you, his hands on his hips and that signature scowl on his face. There was no way he was coming home to this bullshit right now. “Open the door.”
“No quartering soldiers without my permission,” You replied.
Gaz rolls his eyes. Your home? He was pretty sure his name was on the mortgage, even if you were living in it 90% of the time. “I own the fucking property! I live here. You’re the guest.”
You shrug, grinning. “Not anymore.”
He runs a hand down his face. Sometimes just sometimes he regrets finding your stubbornness so damn attractive. “I’m going to crash out, actually.”
“Crash outside? Yeah.”
“Let me in!” He shouts, grabbing the door handle and jiggling it.
“No!” You shout back, holding onto it and preventing him from entering without your permission.
Gaz leans against the glass. “Remind me why I chose to date an American?”
You smile at him. “Because we’re funny, and we have better Chinese food.”
He glares at you, trying to unlock the door again. He groans when there’s no avail. “Babe!”
You say nothing, finding his annoyance quite amusing and a change of pace for once.
And then he actually crashes out, grabbing the handle and pulling, twisting, pounding at it. He yells a string of curse words and then starts banging on the doorframe. He gives up, frowning, and leans his forehead on the glass. “Please?”
You unlock it. “Thought you’d never ask.”
He storms inside, throwing you over his shoulder. “You are so in for it.”
“I like where this is going,” You giggle as he throws you on the couch.
He raises a brow, hands coming to your waist. “Yeah?” He starts tickling you. You yelp, laughing under him and trying to push away.
Gaz doesn’t relent and continues tickling you even after you’ve pleaded with him to stop. “You lock me out of my fucking claim it’s your right,” He mutters. “Consider this my very reasonable punishment.”
Soap:
“I know my rights!” You shout, watching Soap approach the door.
He stops in his tracks, tilting his head. He had no idea what you said. The poor guy could barely hear from all the bombs going on around him, and you shout through a door? Good plan. “What are you on about?” He asked.
“There will be no soldiers in my home!” You close the glass door and lock it.
He approaches the front door, staring at you through the glass. His expression is clueless, brows furrowed. “You mean our home?” He knocks on the glass. “Can I come in?”
“Nope!”
He frowns. “Why?”
“Third amendment.”
“Amendment?” He scoffs. What the hell are you talking about? Is this what he gets for dating an American? You start proclaiming your rights? What’s next, the pledge of allegiance? “Are you taking the piss? Does this look like the land of the free?”
You giggle at him, his accent thickening with his frustration. “I’m still an American!”
“Trust me, I know! Can I please come inside?”
“No soldiers allowed.” You tape up a piece of paper displaying those words.
Soap continues frowning at you and realizes he isn’t going to be let in anytime soon. It’s a good thing he knew how to easily change that. Americans and their rights. More like Americans and their feelings. He sits down on the porch steps, facing away from you, rests his chin in his hand, and sighs loudly.
You don’t budge.
He sighs again, kicking his boots on the porch, turning back at you with sad eyes. Still nothing. He concludes there was one last option to get you to let him in. He grabs his phone, and you watch with furrowed brows as he types something in. Suddenly, music is blasting from his phone as he looks at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. Not just any music, but the sad hamster violin music.
“Oh my god.” You unlock the door, opening it up to him. “You’re such a baby.”
He practically skips inside, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Your baby.”
Price:
Your husband stands on the porch, rolling his eyes at you.
“I know my rights!” You shout at him through the window.
“Do you, now?” He asked, playing along with your prank or whatever this was. If it brought you this much amusement to lock him out, he might as well indulge in it. That was the kind of man he was. Until he started freezing of course, then he would demand you let him in.
You nod your head. “As an American, amendment 3 of the Bill of Rights says that I don’t have to house you if I don’t want to.”
Price hums. At least they taught you something in American schools. “Does that extend when you’re in another country?”
“It does to me.”
He huffs, grabbing something from his pocket and displaying it to you. “You know I have a house key, yes?”
“I’ll just lock it again.”
He tilts his head at you. You were really trying to sell whatever rights you thought you had. “Really?”
“I’m taking this very seriously.”
Price strokes his beard. “I can see that.” An idea pops into his head, and he steps away from the glass and in front of the door. You didn’t want to let him in? That’s fine. You wanted to lock the door? No problem. He’s got methods of entering from being in the military, after all. “Guess I’ll just have to kick down the door.” He raises his foot, fully intent on doing it. You were going to repaint the door anyway, might as well get a new one.
You swing open the door. “Are you crazy?”
He strolls past you. “Did I lock you outside our home? Besides, crazy would’ve been bombing the house.”
Your lips parted, unsure if he was joking. You assume he is, but his expression says otherwise. “Are you being serious?”
He laughs at your face, grabbing your hand. “Only if you start proclaiming your rights again.”
You put your hands up. “What rights? Suddenly, I’m feeling like this soldier can stay as long as he likes.”
Price presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Thought so.”
#guys please say im funny#i think this is funny#cod#call of duty#tf 141#tf 141 x reader#tf 141 x you#141 x reader#cod 141#captain john price#john price#john price x reader#simon riley#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#kyle garrick x reader#gaz x reader#john soap mactavish#soap x reader#john mactavish#john mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#johnny mactavish#johnathan price#Simon Riley x you#kyle garrick x you#Kyle Garrick cod
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hiiiii I'm new to your page but i would like to ask you what would've happened if simon mail-ordered a bride?
mail-order bride
you stare down at the address on the card, blinking as you reread the house number and look back up at the cottage in front of you. the numbers match, but you just need a few more minutes before you knock on the door.
you're not holding too many things. you have one suitcase with the entirety of your belongings at one side, the cat carrier sitting on top of it. on the other side, you hold a bundle of papers. your immigration papers, all shiny and new, your birth certificate, and your new british passport.
when you look back down, you swallow as you read over your name. it's odd, to see something new in the section labeled SURNAME.
Riley.
you've never met him. this isn't legal, it can't be, to have all of these things. he must be someone important. someone they value. or maybe, they are just too afraid to say no to him.
the front door opens, and you freeze on the spot as you see someone duck their head to step outside. they're wearing a mask, covering their entire face except for their dark eyes, but it's hitched up over his nose as he holds an unlit cigarette between his lips.
he stares as he sees you at the end of the steps. he frowns, looking you up and down.
"weren't supposed ta be 'ere for a few weeks."
your eyes water a little, but you only manage a shrug.
"i-i..." you meet his eyes. "i-i couldn't stay there any longer. i didn't have anywhere else to go."
he tucks the cigarette back behind his ear, slipping the mask off. it reveals a tousled mess of short blonde hair and a terribly scarred face. his eyes dart to the little carrier sitting next to you when he hears a soft meow coming from it.
"said no pets."
your lip trembles.
"please," you whisper, and his lip twitches as he fights off a scowl. you imagine he must not have much practice in hiding his emotions. he comes down the steps anyways, coming closer, and you pick up the carrier as he snatches the suitcase off the pavement, making his way back inside. you follow him, naturally.
when you close the door behind you, you're surprised at how quaint it all is. nice brick fireplace, a soft carpet (no shoes allowed is what he snapped at you), and wonderfully furnished to make the place cozy, warm, lived-in. there's throw blankets and accent pillows. there's pictures on the walls, paintings, yellow corner lights to give everything a soft glow. the kitchen is beautiful, with lovely colored tile and wooden cutting boards, a drip-coffee setup in the corner and worn cookbooks stacked neatly by a stainless steel toaster. there's herbs growing in little pots sitting on the windowsill above the sink, and there's a cast iron pot decoratively resting on the stove.
it's spick-span clean. there's no specks of dust or splatters left over from bacon grease. there's papers pinned to the fridge, lists to remind him to buy whole milk and sliced bread and call about the internet bill being charged twice again.
you set the carrier down on the couch, unzipping the top. a little curious black head pokes out of it, and you reach in and pick the cat up under its belly and drop it onto the floor. immediately, the cat spreads its front paws, claws sticking out as they begin to knead the carpet and use it as a personal scratcher, the prick, prick, prick sound enough to draw the giant man out of the bedroom with a hard frown on his face.
he points at the thing and shakes his head.
"keep tha' thing off the fawkin' counter," he snaps at you. he purses his lips when he sees you still standing there, afraid to even move. he comes closer, the cat scurrying off, and he yanks your coat and scarf off, going to the hang them up by the door. "can unpack tomorrow. need t'make somethin' ta eat."
you move immediately towards the kitchen, hoping he keeps a stocked fridge, but he puts out a big hand and stops you, stepping in front of you.
"the fuck are y'doin'?" he asks, and you blink up at him.
"you said to make dinner...s-sir?"
he tilts his head to the side, narrowing his eyes.
"y'listen t'this," he murmurs. "women don't lift a fuckin' finger in this house, y'hear?"
you nod, and he reaches up and palms your throat, cupping your jaw.
"and my wife doesn't call me sir," he mutters. "it's simon."
you soften a little. "i-i'm sorry, simon."
"don't apologize," he grits his teeth. "did nothin' wrong."
when a fresh set of tears comes down your face, he wipes them away with ease, calloused thumb swiping over your cheeks and quieting you. he puts something into your hands, a velvet box that he must've gotten when he went to put your suitcase away.
"y'r a riley now, yeah?" he murmurs, and you tilt your head at an angle, and your foreheads brush together when he bends low to speak to you. "act like it."
you lean up on your toes (he's so fucking tall), and you kiss him softly beside his mouth. when he moves his head, your lips brush against each other, but he pulls back to make his way to the kitchen. you hear the gas stove light up, and a few minutes later, there's a familiar smell of onions hitting hot olive oil.
you take a seat on the couch, smiling to yourself, wiping your eyes as you curl up there. you flip open the box, sighing shakily when you see the rectangular diamond and matching gold wedding band. when simon comes back in to give you a mug of tea, you take it with your left hand, and his eyes flicker when he notices the new jewelry there, so pretty, so new.
mine.
when he pads back into the kitchen, the cat blinks up at him slowly, green eyes bright as they sit on the counter.
simon walks past it, saying nothing at all.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon thoughts#order up
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So Good to Me
Charles Leclerc x Reader
Summary: Charles Leclerc is the perfect man for you … getting stopped on the street for a random TikTok challenge just serves to prove that even further
The warm Monaco sun beats down on you as you stroll leisurely along the bustling sidewalk, a canvas tote bag filled with fresh produce and flowers from the local farmer’s market hanging from your shoulder. The salty sea breeze wafts across your face, carrying with it the excited chatter and laughter of tourists admiring the luxurious yachts bobbing in Port Hercules.
You smile to yourself, relishing this perfect Mediterranean afternoon. Just a quick stop at home to drop off your purchases, and then maybe you’ll take a dip in the infinity pool on the terrace to cool off before Charles is done with-
“Excusez-moi, mademoiselle!” A young man’s voice breaks through your daydreaming. You glance over to see a twenty-something guy with a neatly trimmed beard, expensive-looking sunglasses, and a black t-shirt emblazoned with HUSTLE in white block letters. He’s holding a mini microphone and has his iPhone pointed at you, clearly filming.
A TikToker.
You sigh internally but force a polite smile.
“Oui, puis-je vous aider?” You reply in French.
“Ah sorry, I don’t speak much French! Do you speak English?” The TikToker asks eagerly in a British accent.
“Yes, I do. Can I help you with something?” You say, switching to English yourself. You just want to get home but you know these influencer types can be annoyingly persistent.
The TikToker grins. “Brilliant! I’m doing a social experiment for my followers. I was wondering — do you have a significant other? A boyfriend or husband perhaps?”
You raise an eyebrow questioningly but decide to humor him. “Um, yes, I have a boyfriend,” you answer simply.
His eyes light up. “Fantastic! And would you say your boyfriend loves you very much?”
You can’t help but chuckle at the boldness of this stranger’s line of questioning. “Yes, I would definitely say that. He loves me a lot,” you confirm, a soft smile playing on your lips as you think of Charles.
“Perfect! Okay, here’s the challenge,” the TikToker announces dramatically, staring intensely into his camera. “I want you to call up your boyfriend right now and ask him to send you some money. Doesn’t matter how much. But for every €100 he sends, I’ll give you €20 to keep for yourself. Let’s see how much he really loves you, shall we?”
You stare at this guy incredulously for a moment before bursting out laughing. Is he serious? He clearly has no idea who your boyfriend is. An amused smirk spreads across your face as you fish your iPhone out of your designer purse.
“Alright, you’re on,” you say confidently, already unlocking your phone and tapping on Charles’ contact. The TikToker looks surprised but excited that you actually agreed to his silly challenge.
“Put it on speaker phone,” he instructs, zooming his camera in on your phone screen which is now dialing Charles.
After a few rings, the warm, honey-smooth voice you adore comes through. “Allô mon amour, what’s up?” Charles greets you sweetly. “I’m just finishing up some simulator runs but I should be done soon to help with dinner.”
“Hey baby,” you reply, your voice automatically softening. “Sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy. But I’m out right now and I just passed by that little boutique near the casino, you know the one? And I saw the most incredible pair of shoes in the window. I swear they were calling my name.”
Charles laughs affectionately, the sound like music to your ears even through the cell phone speaker. “Oh yeah? The ones that were calling your name last week turned out to be, what was it, €900?” He teases.
You roll your eyes playfully even though he can’t see. “Okay, fair, but you know I hardly ever splurge on myself. I’m usually so frugal!”
“Mmhmm, whatever you need to tell yourself, chérie,” Charles says wryly and you can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Let me guess, you need to go get these dream shoes right now? Or else they’ll haunt you forever?”
“You know me so well,” you gush dramatically. “I promise I’ll pay you back though! I get paid next week and-”
“Hey, hey, stop,” Charles cuts you off gently. “Mon cœur, you never have to pay me back, you know that. I love being able to treat you and spoil you. You deserve the world. Never forget that.”
You feel yourself melt at his earnest words, momentarily forgetting you have an audience. “I love you so much,” you murmur. “Thank you for always being so good to me.”
“Right back at you, ma belle. Je t’aime,” Charles says tenderly. “There, check your banking app. Let me know if you need any more. And have fun shopping! I’ll see you at home in a bit, okay? À bientôt!”
You glance down at your phone as a notification from your bank pops up on the screen. Your eyes widen slightly when you see the amount Charles sent over, but you recover quickly.
“Thank you, baby. See you soon!” You reply before hanging up. You turn back to the TikToker who is gaping at you in disbelief. Casually, you turn your phone screen towards him and his camera so he can clearly see the notification that €10,000 has just been deposited into your account.
The poor guy looks like he’s about to pass out from shock. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, rendered speechless. You just laugh good-naturedly.
“Well, guess I won your little challenge, huh?” You remark, slipping your phone back into your purse. “Tell you what, why don’t you donate whatever money you were going to give me to a local animal shelter instead? I think it’ll be put to much better use there.”
The TikToker finally manages to pick his jaw up off the floor. He laughs shakily and nods. “Yeah ... yeah I can do that. Wow. Um, thanks for being such a good sport about this. And congrats on, uh, winning, I guess?”
You give him a friendly wink. “Anytime. Have a nice rest of your day!” With that, you turn gracefully on your heel and continue on your way back home, feeling rather smug and deeply appreciative of your wonderfully generous boyfriend.
“Wait!” The TikToker calls out after you. You glance back over your shoulder curiously. He hesitates before asking in an awed voice, “If you don’t mind me asking ... who the hell is your boyfriend?”
An enigmatic smile plays on your lips. “No one special really,” you reply breezily. “Just a guy who loves driving fast cars.”
You leave the gaping TikToker in your wake as you saunter off, already daydreaming about showing your appreciation to Charles later for being the most incredible boyfriend imaginable.
Maybe you really will splurge on those designer shoes after all … and pick up a little something special from the lingerie boutique next door while you’re at it.
Your smile widens. Just as a little thank you to your man, of course. Life is good when you’re in love with Charles Leclerc.
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