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fanfictionalraven · 8 months ago

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Reno - After

Title: Reno - After

Summary: The events leading up to and following Dean being taken to Hell.

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, Reader’s Father, John Winchester (mentioned)

Word Count: 3,552

Warnings: Alcoholism, mentions of suicide

Author’s Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published in 2017.

Read Reno - Before here.

Middle of nowhere, Tennessee. A dark, deserted intersection between some cotton fields. You bury the box you’d brought with you in a shallow hole right in the middle of the crossroads and wait. It doesn’t take long before the wind shifts and you can feel it standing behind you.

“Can I help you, little lady?” A man with a thick Southern drawl asks as you turn to face him. He blinks and his eyes flash red as you swallow thickly.

“I wanna make a deal. Hear you’re the one to talk to,” you say, trying to keep your voice from quivering. Demons weren’t your expertise. He smirks slightly as his eyes run over you.

“I’m sure we can work something out. What’s your little heart’s desire?” He asks. Tears well up in your eyes as you speak.

“Save the man I love,” you tell him simply. The demon lets out a dark chuckle as he starts to walk around you slowly. “I don’t even need ten years. Save him and you can take me right here, right now.”

“How noble. You realize what that means, right? Eternal damnation. Everlasting suffering and torture,” he says, stopping dead in front of you. You have to force yourself not to flinch back from the closeness. “All for some man?”

“He’s not just some man,” you say. Looking you over one more time, he shrugs.

“His name?” He asks. You frown and shake your head.

“Do we have a deal?” You ask. He cocks an eyebrow at you and you curse yourself internally. Now you’d peaked his interest in the worst possible way.

“Name first, Sweetheart,” he says. You set your jaw and cross your arms.

“Do we have a deal?” You ask again. The demon stares at you intently and his eyes flash red once again.

“Winchester,” he says, gauging your reaction. You try to keep your face under control but Dean always said you had a crap poker face. The demon smirks and shakes his head, taking a step back. “Sorry. Can’t undo that one. Everyone downstairs is pretty excited to be getting their hands on his soul.” You pull your gun and the demon laughs, shaking his head. “You know that ain’t gonna work.”

“No. But it can’t feel good,” you tell him before squeezing the trigger. You fire three shots into his chest, forcing him to take a few steps backwards. The demon grunts then starts to laugh. He moves to take a step before he’s stopped by an invisible force.

“What did you do??” He snarls. Smirking, you step closer to him then drag your foot across the dirt in front of him revealing a mat with a devil’s trap painted on it underneath his feet. He lets out an animal growl as you turn and walk towards your car.

One month, Y/N.

Y/N please answer me. He’s got two weeks.

You’re gonna regret it if you don’t see him and you know it. One week. We’ll be at Bobby’s. Please.

Stop ignoring me, Y/N. We’ve got a lead on Lilith and we’re going. I know he wants you there. Tomorrow’s his last day.

You stare at the latest text from Sam. The last few months, you’d spent in denial. It wasn’t really going to happen. Sam and Bobby were going to be sure of that. They were going to find a way to get Dean out of deal even if you couldn’t. But the months passed and based on the ignored texts and missed calls, Dean was really about to be dragged to Hell. They had one last shot but Sam didn’t exactly sound hopeful. You were a day’s drive from Sioux Falls. You couldn’t be sure if you were going to even make it in time but, damn it, you had to try.

You race from your motel room, not even bothering to check out. The drive is long and laborious as you push the old Mustang to its limits. You’re running on pure adrenaline and the thought of seeing Dean again. The engine seems to breathe a sigh of relief when you finally cut it off in Bobby’s driveway. The Impala and Bobby’s truck are both sitting there as well. Maybe you had made it in time.

The distance between Bobby’s front door and your car seems like miles as you run up towards the porch. You don’t even bother to knock, barreling into the house. It’s quiet inside as you round the corner, through the kitchen and into the study. Bobby and Sam look up at you, momentarily startled. You watch as both of their faces fall. They look away, unable to meet your eyes.

You were too late.

************************************************************************

A bender. That’s how you’d spent the last 15 months. Random motel rooms across the country, hitting each bar in town. You’d avoided your dad, Bobby, and Sam, sending an occasional text to your father letting him know you were alive. Not that the three of them hadn’t tried to reach out to you. Numerous missed calls and texts were cluttering up your phone. You couldn’t even remember the last case you’d actually worked.

You had tried after Dean had died. You really did because you knew that was what he would have wanted. He would have wanted you to keep going, fight the good fight, save people, hunt things. And it worked – for a month. That was when the nightmares started. It was always the same. Dean screaming in agony for you as legions of demons tortured him. You’d wake up in a cold sweat, short of breath, and sobbing. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that helped. So you drank…and drank…and drank. You practically stayed drunk after that.

Over the past 15 months, you’d woken up in a lot of different places. Typically you stayed in your car or some motel room. A few times, you woke up in some strange guy’s apartment or house. Once you were chased from a home by an angry wife whose husband you’d spent the night with. On three different occasions in three different states you woke up in jail. Public intoxication. Assault. Inciting a riot. You’d managed to get out of all the charges somehow. But this – this was a new place.

You blink against the bright lights above you then squeeze your eyes closed, fighting the pulse in your left temple. Something’s beeping. Incessantly. It only takes a moment for you to realize what it is. A heart monitor. You’re in a hospital. You finally manage to open your eyes and assess your situation. Your hands are tied down to the railings and there’s an IV in your right elbow, running up to a machine. The door opens and you look up quickly. Your father is standing there, a coffee cup in his hand.

“Hey! You’re awake,” he says, relief clear in his voice. He rushes to your side and runs a hand over your hair. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a truck,” you groan. He smiles a little sadly then shrugs.

“No truck. Just fell off a bridge,” he tells you. Your eyes widen quickly as you stare at him. He looks down at your hand, placing his own over it. “They thought you jumped at first. But, ugh, when they got you to the hospital and did some blood work, they realized how drunk you were. Figured you’d just stumbled and fell. But they wanted to make sure you weren’t going to be a danger to yourself when you woke up so…” He trails off, squeezing your hand slightly. Your heart aches at the pain on his face. You’d never meant to hurt him like this. He was all you had after all.

“Dad, I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” you say, trying to get him to meet your eyes. When he finally does, you wish he hadn’t. You’d seen that look before. It was the same look he’d had when he had to tell you that your mother was dead.

“Yea you are, Y/N. Just slowly. Do you realize what you’ve already done to your liver? If you keep this up, I’m going to have to bury you. That’s not something a parent should have to do,” he says, trying not to cry. You look away as a tear slides down your cheek. He sighs and wipes it away for you. “I called Bobby and he said that once you’re out he’s got something for you to see.”

“I don’t need another of your interventions, Dad,” you snap. He, Bobby, and Sam had tricked you once about seven months ago with an “emergency”. It turned out to be a setup. Three against one, trying to get you to sober up. You’d left, furious and hurt.

“It’s not an intervention, Y/N. I think he just wants to see you,” he explains. You sigh and relent, agreeing to go. You felt so bad right now your father could probably get you to agree to anything.

They keep you for one more night just for observation. You’d apparently gotten really lucky. The bridge wasn’t too high and the water wasn’t too shallow. You’d only hit your head on a rock before someone dove in and grabbed you. A couple had been out for a romantic walk when they saw you fall over. The man pulled you from the water while his wife called for the ambulance.

As soon as you’re released, your dad gets you in his car and the two of you head for Sioux Falls. It was a few hours drive so you decide to relax, just resting your head against the window. You’re not going to fall asleep. You know what’s waiting for you if you do. You close your eyes but you’re not going to sleep. You’re not…

“Y/N!! Y/N, sweetheart, wake up!!” You hear your father calling to you. You sit up quickly, trying to catch your breath. “You were screaming.”

“Just – just a nightmare,” you tell him, running your hands over your face. He watches you, concerned.

“Okay, well, we’re almost to Bobby’s,” he says, turning onto a road. You nod and sit up, trying to shake the images from the nightmare. It was the same as all the others – Dean in Hell, in pain, and there wasn’t anything you could do about it.

Your dad pulls into Bobby’s driveway and you frown as he stops behind his truck. That old Impala is sitting just a few feet away. Sam was here too.

“Thought you said this wasn’t another intervention,” you say, looking over at him. He sighs and shrugs.

“Maybe Sam just wants to see you too. We’ve all been pretty worried about you,” he says. The two of you get out and you walk up to the porch together. He opens the door and allows you to step inside first. The house is quiet, just like the last time you’d been there. You walk through the kitchen and into the study where Bobby and Sam are both sitting. Sam rises from his spot on the couch and walks over to you, pulling you into a tight hug.

“You had us scared to death,” he says. You sigh and return the hug. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before he lets you go. Bobby is there as soon as your out of Sam’s arms.

“Don’t you ever do that again. You hear me, Y/N?” He says, grabbing you by the arms. You frown and nod quickly. “Your dad called. Said they thought you’d jumped off a bridge. Do you know what that did to us?”

“I didn’t jump. I swear. There was no intent. I’m not suicidal. Just…a clumsy drunk,” you tell them all. Bobby watches you for a moment then pulls you into a bone crushing hug. You sigh and hug him too, burying your face in his chest. You’d never meant to hurt these three men. You loved each of them dearly. He finally lets you go and you look between them. “So? What did you have to show me?” You ask. They all share a look.

“Y/N, why don’t you sit down,” Sam suggests, motioning to the couch. You frown and cross your arms.

“I do not need another intervention,” you tell them defiantly. Sam shakes his head quickly, going to say something. But the voice you hear next doesn’t come from Sam. It doesn’t come from your father or from Bobby.

“You should sit down, Darlin’,” Dean’s voice says from behind you. Your eyes flutter close and you take a shaky breath.

“Tell me someone else heard that,” you say, your voice quiet. You open your eyes at their silence and find them all three watching you closely. Turning slowly, your Y/E/C eyes meet those green ones. You feel your knees start to go weak. Sam places a hand on your back as Dean steps forward, taking your hands in his. You look down, shocked. You hadn’t expected his hands to be solid – to be real. You expected cold, not warmth. But they felt exactly like you remembered. “Oh my god. I’m dead.” Dean chuckles softly and you look up at him.

“You’re not dead, Sweetheart. I’m back. It’s, ugh, it’s a long story but I’m here. I’m me,” he says. You swallow thickly as the tears spring to your eyes. A shaky hand reaches up and your fingers just graze his cheek. His eyes close and he turns into your hand, pressing his lips against your palm. You choke on a sob before throwing your arms around him. Your body shakes as you cry into his shoulder, his hands gently rubbing your back. He sighs and places a chaste kiss against your temple. You finally manage to pull yourself together enough to look at him again.

“When did you get back?” You ask. His face falls slightly before he answers.

“Bout four months ago,” he tells you. You stare at him. Four months? Did he say four months? You push away from him quickly and he sighs.

“You’ve been back for four months and no one thought I should know?!” You nearly shout, looking at each of them. Sam frowns and shakes his head.

“We tried calling you, Y/N, but you never answered,” he says. Your dad nods, taking a step forward.

“We didn’t even know where you were,” he adds. You frown and look at the ground. They were right, of course. You’d been ignoring them all and running for over a year now. You feel Dean’s hand at the small of your back and you look up at him. Your breath catches in your throat at the look in his eyes. That same old look. Something.

“Can we have that conversation we shoulda had four years ago?” He asks. You bite your lip and nod slightly. He takes your hand in his then pulls you out the backdoor. He leads you a few yards out into the scrapyard before he stops and turns to face you. “So…”

“So…” You say.

“So…” He repeats, nodding slightly. You both start to laugh and his arms snake around your waist. You rest your hands on his shoulders, noticing for the first time how well the two of you fit – like two puzzle pieces, perfectly snapped together. “So, I probably shouldn’t have jumped straight into the whole marriage thing.”

“Dean,” you say, shaking your head. He reaches up, putting a finger over your lips.

“Let me talk, okay?” He asks. You smile slightly and nod. He drops his hand, the arm returning to your waist. “I shoulda started with dinner. Or just…telling you that I fell in love with you the moment I saw you under the hood of that old mustang right in this very spot.” You look around and smile. This was the spot. The spot you’d first noticed it in his eyes when he looked at you. “But I just wanted you to be mine.”

“I always have been. I was just scared,” you tell him. “The only hunters I ever knew that tried the whole marriage thing were my parents. And Mom died protecting Dad. You’d already been hurt multiple times trying to protect me. And then your dad was telling you the same thing. I panicked and I ran. I’ve been running for four years. I’m so tired of running, Dean.” He smiles softly and reaches up, pushing your hair behind your ear.

“Then stop. We don’t have to get married. We don’t have to date or whatever. I just want you right next to me for however long we’ve got left. Because, dammit woman, I love you,” he says. You break into a wide smile before his lips come crashing down against yours. You slide your hands into his hair, parting your lips to him.

For the first time in four years, everything felt right. Dean’s arms around your waist, fisting the shirt at your back. His lips moving hungrily against yours. Your fingers tightening in his hair. He pulls away, breathing heavily. His forehead comes to rest against yours and you sigh.

“I love you too,” you whisper. He smiles then presses his lips to your forehead before you step away from each other. He catches one of your hands, linking your fingers together, as you slowly walk back to the house together.

“Sam’s gonna want to get two rooms now,” he says, You laugh and shake your head. “What? You think I’m gonna be able to keep my hands to myself?” He asks, pulling you closer to his side.

“I think you’ll learn to control yourself, Winchester,” you tell him. He smiles and kisses your temple before pulling the back door open. You pull him back into the house with the rest of your family.

THREE MONTHS LATER

You pull your car into the parking lot of the building and glance over at Dean. He still has his eyes closed but you can see he’s getting impatient. He doesn’t like riding shotgun in someone else’s car, even if that someone else is you. And he definitely doesn’t like not knowing where he’s going. You reach over, putting a calming hand on his arm.

“Alright. You can open your eyes and stop pouting now,” you tell him. If his eyes were open, he’d roll them at you. He turns his head towards you before opening his eyes. You smile at him. “I didn’t bring you out here to stare at me.” He rolls his eyes now and looks out the front windshield. He raises an eyebrow.

“A wedding chapel?” He asks. You bite your lip and nod slightly.

“Not just any wedding chapel,” you tell him. He returns his attention to you now, confused. You turn enough to look behind you. Pointing to the motel across the street, you sigh. “That is where I left you nearly five years ago. And this,” you turn back to the chapel, “is the chapel you wanted to get married in.” You look back at Dean and his face is unreadable. He runs a hand over his jaw slowly.

“Are you proposing to me, Y/N?” He asks, cutting his eyes over at you. “Cause I don’t see a ring.” You bite back a smile and nod.

“Yes, Dean Winchester, I am proposing marriage to you,” you say. He shakes his head slowly.

“No, it’s just not a proposal if there isn’t a ring,” he says, looking out the window. You sigh and roll your eyes.

“Dean,” you start but he turns to face you, holding his hand out. What’s laying in his palm takes your breath away. It’s a simple gold band with a single diamond on it. It isn’t much but it’s more than you needed, more than you expected. Your eyes are brimming with tears when you look back up at him.

“You never let me finish that story, all those years ago. Dad told me you were a distraction. I told him I was going to marry you. He pulled this from his pocket and placed it in my hand. Told me if I was absolutely hellbent on marrying you, to give you this,” he says before looking back down at the ring. “It was Mom’s.”

“Oh, Dean,” you gasp. A stray tear manages to slip away and he reaches up, wiping it away quickly.

“What do you say?” He asks. You nod quickly and he smiles, leaning the rest of the way across the front seat to kiss you. Your hands find his face, holding him to you. When you eventually break away, he slips the ring onto your left hand.

“You realize you have to take my name, right?” You ask him. He looks at you quickly, raising an eyebrow. “I asked first, it’s only fair.”

“Technically, I asked first,” he says. You let out a laugh and nod, looking down at the ring on your finger. “Besides Y/N Winchester has a better ring to it than Dean Y/L/N.” You look up at him and there it is in his eyes. Something. That same something you plan to wake up seeing for the rest of your life. Love.

#fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #supernatural #spn #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #john winchester

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jacobsbigmelons · 2 years ago

Note

Inspired by your username... Can I request one where Jacob's bf is obsessed with his pecs and like playing with them, maybe a first time blowjob too?

you don’t understand how much i love this

i am trying so hard not to self insert myself here because i’m a whole tiddy guy for men ESPECIALLY JACOBMYGODILLDOANYTHINGJUSTFORASQUEEZE

“They are pecs, not ‘tiddies’.”

Jacob Custos x male reader

nsfw, pec play, blowjobs, slightly public, muscle worship

“Anyone see Jacob? Y/N? They’ve just kinda been missing ever since we finished packing” Abi said, the sun beaming off of her colored hair. “Y/N always goes off on his own little trips, but Jacob? He probably got himself lost and trapped in a ditch somewhere knowing him” Kaitlyn spoke, her arms crossed over one another. “Or maybe they’re grabbing some last minute things?” Ryan shrugged as his suggestion floated in the air for a little bit “i think last minute was around 15 minutes ago, y’know…when the packing finished up?” “Touché” Ryan nodded.

“Hey don’t splash me!” Jacob complained as the cold water hit his body “Youre already wet stop being a baby!” You hollered before giving him another splash of lake water, which he returned just as quick. “Babe babe babe babe…babe! Watch this.” Jacob said as he swam towards the doc and pulled himself up as he wrapped his leg around the dock piling like a stripper pole, and began to rub his body from top to bottom before looking directly back to you. “You should be the next AdamandEve spokesperson” you yelled out, Jacob kept the pose, though with a confused look. “what’s that?” he said as he now wrapped his hand around the piling.

“Uh- website where you buy…y’know, stuff for late night bedroom stuff.” You said quieter as you also pulled yourself up onto the dock as you admired your boyfriends beautifully structured body. “I mean I could try but I don’t think they’d let me if it’s about sex and shit” Jacob said as he finally unraveled himself from the pole “and whys that? you got the body and you clearly know your way around a pole” You said as you pointed to him and the pole “Uh- Well i”m sure it wouldn’t matter but I uh…i’ve never been led to the bedroom, let’s say that.”

Jacobs statement drew a blank to you, you merely blinked at him for a few seconds before speaking “You never had sex?! Have you…ever had anything explicit with another person?” You we’re gonna speak more before Jacob intersected by putting his hand in front of him as a way to stop you from speaking. “Hey hey hey! I- I have actually thank you very much.” His tone trying not to waver nervously “mmmhm…lay with me” you demand with a small pat on the dock to let Jacob know to lay down as you shifted your body so your legs weren’t dangling off but instead laid on top of the dock.

Jacob walked the very few steps it took to get next to you as he crouched down before laying down fully, he put his arm behind his head as a way to support it. You moved in close to his chest as you rubbed your hand around his pecs and abs, the dripping water adding some shine to his physique. “Not saying i’m total eye candy but your more than welcome to admire” Jacob rubbed his other hand in-between your thighs.

“Yeah sure meathead” you teased as you sat up and straddled his lap as you looked down at him, his body definitely what Jacob labeled as ‘eye candy.’ You wrapped your hands on the sides of his chest before rubbing along it while playfully caressing the soft tissue in your hands. “You really like playing with my pecs huh?” Jacob stated, clearly not going to do anything to stop it though. “You got some hot tiddies what can I say.” You smiled before rubbing his chest again, Jacobs face now looking slightly offended.

“They are pecs…not tiddies, if you’re gonna play with ‘em at least show them some respect by calling them by what they’re called.” Jacob explained, of course he would get defensive over a muscle group. The hunk only knew brawn’s after all. “I’m so sorry your dear pectoral muscles got offended” you leaned down as you began to kiss your boyfriend, his underwear clearly not hiding how we was feeling anymore with the quite obvious poking you feel on your stomach.

The two of you made out until you decided to go lower down the body as you kissed around his neck, then his arms, biceps, back to his chest and nipples, abs, everything. The pleasurable sounds he made definitely let you know the effect you had on him then and there. “Your body is so fucking hot” your voice, slightly muffled as you spoke with your lips to his skin. At this point you already got to his dick, your hand rubbing against it as Jacob softly cursed.

“Can I suck you off?” You said sitting up straight once more as your hands were on the elastic parts of his underwear ready to take them off, his dick practically begging to be let out as it kept twitching. “Oh uh- Y-yeah! What uh…what should I do?” Jacob said slightly puzzled, trying to recollect every scene of porn he’s watched, yet it seemed like every little think he could try and think of wasn’t helping him decide what to do.

“Just lay there and look hot baby, let me do all the work for your first time” You confidently said, despite Jacob being slightly embarrassed at the fact that he has never been apart of explicit congress such as this, yet his confident personality hid a lot of that. You pulled off his last piece of clothing before moving it to the side, you leaned down as you licked the base of his penis while he led your hands back up to his chest, specifically to where his nipples were as if he wanted you to stimulate him up there while also doing it down there.

“Holy shit your fingers feel so good but your mouth is really doing a number down there” Jacob said in one breath, before you finally took his dick into your mouth. You went as far as you could and even just the tip going in was enough for Jacob to groan loudly. His hips began to move back and forth as you continued to rub and slightly pinch at his nipples. You grabbed his chest as a whole not long after as just grabbing his pecs and squishing them yourself was hot in its own way. “God this shouldn’t be so hot” Jacob quietly said with gaps in between as he was trying to not fumble his words from just how good he was feeling.

You were bobbing your head pretty quick, and it didn’t take long before Jacob eventually took a chunk of your hair in his hands and moved you up and down himself. “Take that big fucking dick in that tight fucking throat of yours.” He said as he began thrusting a lot faster, as well as his hips began to quiver a lot more. Only then was it when he stopped abruptly and cum began to leak from the small gaps of your mouth, that he finally let go of your hair.

“Oh my…fucking god, you gotta suck this dick a lot more babe jesus christ.” Jacob heaved as you took yourself off of his cock, cum making its way down your neck slightly. “We always got tonight, or if you want…you can be the one sucking this time.” You smirked while you used your arm to clean the mess that was made off of your body and Jacob was yet again lost in thought knowing the last night spent together at camp at least will be the most remembered for both him and you.

a/n: I finished this at like 3:20AM so if any of the last bits sound weird m so sorry ;-;

#jacob custos #the quarry #jacob custos my fucking beloved #jacob custos x male reader #jacob custos x reader #the quarry jacob #the quarry jacob custos #x male reader #x reader #x male reader smut

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unhappycylinder · 1 year ago

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Saunter (Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw x fem!Reader)

wc: 3.5k No warnings! Enjoy and please let me know what you think!! Summary: As Viper's secretary, you encounter a new set of hotshot pilots every 6 weeks, but a certain WSO catches your eye, and you can't help but fall for him...and his mustache.

---

“You boys are grounded! Until further notice, neither of your asses are gonna be up in the air under any circumstance,” Viper’s voice cut through the office, sending a chill down your spine.

You had been a secretary at North Island’s ‘Fighter Weapons School’ for some time now, hopping from admiral to commander when duty saw fit. Usually, you found yourself sitting at some small, beige, creaky, metal desk a couple feet in front of one of the higher-ups’ offices, your sole purpose fetching coffee and checking in the arrogant pilots who got called in to get their asses whooped.

Two weeks ago however, when you got assigned to the beige desk outside of Viper’s office, you realized just how much business these Top Gun men meant. Every other day it seemed the same two sweaty idiots were wandering past your desk, muttering their callsigns with their heads low, and returning after a screaming fit from Viper, heads held even lower. You had never said a word to them, never really even lifted your head to notice them, just shrugged them off as another pair of cocky assholes who flew too close to the sun.

“Maverick, this is your last warning!” Viper yelled

“Yeesh,” you muttered under your breath, the tip of your pencil swirling over the name ‘Maverick’ scribbled into your ledger.

“And Goose,” Viper said quieter, almost disappointedly, “You’re a good backseater, you’re a gifted flyer, you gotta stop letting an idiot like Maverick play with your life like that,” he finished with an almost fatherly tone.

“Final warning boys,” Viper sighed, “do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir,” their voices intersected each other, morale completely defeated.

You found yourself tracing the two o’s in Goose’s name when the also creaky door to Viper’s office opened, startling you enough to look over to the two men coming out, heads low. The one in front was shorter, strong build, jet black hair, and the other was tall, lanky, blonde, and had a mustache…and boy were you a sucker for a good mustache.

“That sounded brutal,” you said quietly, your eyes darting to the taller one’s briefly, catching his gaze and sending a blush through your cheeks.

“Brutal doesn’t even begin to describe it,” the shorter one said, his palms darting up to cover his eyes, “ugh Goose what the hell are we gonna do?”

So that was his name. He was Goose, Viper’s so called ‘gifted flier.’

“What are we gonna do?” Goose questioned, revealing his sweet lilted voice, “Mav I love you buddy but only one of us is flying the plane…what we do up there is kinda on you.” He sounded defeated, like he felt bad for having to reality check his best friend after such a serious conversation with Viper.

“Yeah, yeah,” Maverick shrugged him off, walking instead over to the front of your desk, “hey you’re here all the time right?”

Was he asking you? You looked up from your ledger to meet his hooded blue eyes.

“Me?” You asked, surprised, eliciting a chuckle from Goose

“Yeah, you.” Maverick responded, “you’re outside of Viper’s office all the time…does he get this pissed at all his pilots?”

“Well,” you looked down at your ledger to read his name, “Maverick,” you turned to Goose, “and Goose,” he smiled at you saying his name, “I’ve been here for all of two weeks, but I can say with absolute certainty that neither has anyone come in as frequently as you two, nor has anyone gotten Viper as riled up…”

Maverick hung his head as Goose walked over to him, patting him on the back.

“Motherfucker!” Maverick yelled, slamming his fist down on your desk, making it rattle and sending your pencil from your hand.

Goose bent down to pick up your pencil, standing to place it delicately in your hand and greet you with his tender gaze and warm smile, his teeth barely peeking through his mustache.

“You’ll have to excuse my dear friend Maverick here,” he said sarcastically, placing his hands on his friend’s shoulders to guide him up from your desk, “he’s had a bit of a rough day and unfortunately likes to handle that by making rash decisions that put everyone’s lives in danger,” Goose pat him on the back with a chuckle

“That’s about what I’ve gathered from all your little conversations in there,” you said as you gestured to Viper’s office.

“You’ve heard all those, have you?”

“Oh yeah,” you chuckled, “probably a little more than I’d like to, Goose”

He blushed as you said his name again, a smile peeking through his mustache once more.

“Well, I better be getting this flyboy home so he can forget today ever happened,” he said as he slapped Maverick’s chest, making him groan in annoyance, “ain’t that right honey?”

“As much as I love your company, I’m hoping I don’t see either of you again, for the sake of your careers,” you said, making Goose chuckle and Maverick groan again.

“My name’s y/n by the way,” you said quickly as they started to shuffle away, but they didn’t seem to hear you.

“What was that?” Goose asked, turning around and leaning back so he could face you

“Oh,” you blushed, mostly out of embarrassment, “I said my name is y/n”

“Y/n” Goose repeated, your name rolling off his tongue sending chills down your spine, “I like it…I think I’ll remember it”

You laughed, shooting them a small salute as Goose turned around and walked with his best friend to the parking lot, leaving you alone to question how you couldn’t stop thinking about a certain naval aviator.

“Y/n!” Viper’s yell cut you out of your daydream, spinning you around in your chair to face him

“Yes sir?”

“Fix this damn door when you’re done fawning over my flyers, it's too damn creaky!

“Oh god,” you blushed, making Viper chuckle, “yes sir”

“Listen Y/n,” his tone changed, returning to the normal calm voice you were used to when he talked to you, “I’m fine with it…as long as it's not Maverick”

“It's definitely not Maverick sir”

“So it's Goose then?”

“Why are you asking me about this, sir?” you couldn’t help but question him. You had been working with Viper for weeks now and although he had always been friendly towards you, and you had shared a few conversations in between meetings here and there, he had never asked you anything personal.

“Because I’ve been standing here since you botched telling Goose your name…and it’s hard not to notice.”

“Oh god have you actually?”

“You were so flustered you didn’t even hear the door creak…” he clicked his tongue, “I guess I’ll have to find more reasons to bring Bradshaw in here then…” he taunted as he turned around and walked back into his office, closing the very creaky door behind him.

–

“You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your liiips,” a warped voice sang from within the bar next to base.

You had talked yourself into going out and trying to make some friends, and the best place for that just so happened to be the bar a mere 2 blocks from your work. It had been months since you moved here and you still knew virtually nobody outside of Viper who you guessed counted as a friend now? You had let your hair down after work, and had swapped your suit jacket and skirt out for high waisted jeans and a light sweater. Nothing fancy, but also nothing that screamed military, just something that would help you blend in a bit.

The awful voice continued to sing, now joined by what sounded like twenty other equally awful voices, “You’ve lost that lovin feelin!”

“Oh god,” you thought to yourself, wondering how you planned on accomplishing anything in there.

Once you were inside you saw a crowd of navy men in their dress whites dissipating from the bar, some laughing, some continuing to sing the remainder of the song. At the epicenter of it all was none other than Maverick. Of course. Sitting next to him was a rather flushed blonde woman wearing a very similar outfit to you, and Maverick was obviously trying to work his charm.

Your gaze traveled from Maverick to other parts of the room, glancing at couples sitting in booths along the walls, aviators trying to chat up women at tables scattered around, and lone men in white nursing their beers throughout the bar. Eventually your eyes settled on one blonde, mustached man in particular, Goose. He was sat at the opposite end of the bar as Maverick, beer in hand, eyes wandering the label of the bottle.

This was your chance.

You sauntered over, hands deep in the pockets of your jeans fiddling with the fabric. Goose didn’t even look up when you approached him, too lost in the contents of his beer to even notice your presence, you just stood there amused, watching him lost in thought.

“Evenin’ sailor,” you said softly, a blush creeping along your cheeks as Goose’s eyes drifted up the barrel of the bottle, up your frame, and eventually to your eyes.

“Well I’ll be damned!” He beamed, scooting over and patting the bar stool beside him, “if it isn’t miss secretary herself.”

“You keep calling me that and I’m gonna think you forgot my name, Chicken,” you teased as you purposefully messed up his callsign, eliciting a sweet melodic laugh from his lips.

“How could I ever forget a name as beautiful as y/n,” he said as he tilted his head down, his eyes looking up at yours through his lashes.

“Well well, the Goose has a good memory,” you smiled, flagging down the bartender to order a beer for yourself

“I’ll have whatever he’s having,” you said, resting your elbows on the bartop

“Put it on my tab,” Goose interjected, shooting a quick wink your way

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to flirt with me sir,” you shot him a suspicious look

“Well who says I’m not?” Goose asked, shooting the same look your way

“I just find it hard to flirt with a man who’s only identification is the name of a bird” you said sarcastically, accepting your beer from the bartender and taking a sip

“Lieutenant Nicholas Brashaw, callsign Goose,” he drawled out, holding his hand out for you to shake

“Y/n L/n, secretary” you said with the same tone, placing your hand in his

Goose brought your hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of it, his mustache hairs tickling your skin and giving you a chill.

“So, Nick, I gotta ask you,” you began as soon as Goose let your hand go

“Shoot,” he prompted you, taking a sip of his beer

“Why on earth do you all let Maverick sing if he’s so damn bad at it?”

Goose threw his head back in a laugh, “It's a bet.”

“A bet?”

“Twenty bucks…he’s gotta have carnal knowledge of a lady on the premises…and that is our top selling approach”

“Top selling huh? So you’ve done this before?”

“Once for Mav, he crashed and burned…never for me though”

“And why not? The bet doesn’t extend both ways?”

“Well I guess it's cause you weren’t here to catch my eye,” he smiled a confident smile at you, “had I seen you sitting across the bar all by yourself, well it wouldn’t have been Mav up there singing today”

“Oh you would have done that for me?” You chuckled

“Honey I’ll sing you whatever song you want whenever you want it”

“You’re one smooth man Goose,” you smiled at him, he smiled back, making you both blush.

Just as Goose was about to speak, the blonde woman from earlier walked by, fixing her lipstick with her finger

“Your friend was magnificent by the way,” she chimed as she walked by, causing your and Goose’s mouths to drop. Maverick followed close behind, a spring in his step.

“Nah,” Goose said, his eyes on the woman, “nah!” he said even louder as his eyes found his best friend.

“I can’t believe that actually worked,” you said stunned, turning to face Maverick as he approached you and Goose.

“What can I say,” Maverick shrugged, a cocky smile plastered on his face.

“There’s no way,” Goose said, mouth agape, “there’s really no way Mav”

“Where there’s a will, Goosey, there’s a way,” Maverick said, slapping Goose on the shoulder, “I see you’ve found our secretary from earlier”

You tilted your beer up to cheer Mav, who was now sitting on Goose’s other side.

“You know Goose here hasn’t shut up about you-”

“No no no no,” Goose turned to face him, placing a hand over Maverick’s mouth, “we don’t need to talk about that Mav, we don’t need to bring that up I don’t think”

“Oh yes we do Goose,” he muttered through Goose’s hand.

“No, Goose, let him talk,” you bit your lip as you smiled at Maverick, “I want to hear what he has to say about you”

“The woman wants to hear,” Maverick muttered

“Mav, it's not happening. I’ll stay here all night if I have to”

“Goose!” You whined, “I want to know!”

Maverick pried Goose’s hand from his mouth for enough time to blurt out, “hasn’t shut up about you since we left base today! Said he thinks you’re gorgeous!”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Goose said, getting up and facing his best friend, “that’s it, Mav, you’re a dead man”

“Awww,” you chuckled as Goose grabbed Maverick by his collar and threw him off his stool, sending Maverick into a laughing fit nearby,

“Pretend you didn’t hear any of that,” Goose said as he sat back down

“That’s not happening” you said as you shook your head

“And why not?”

“Cause I’ve been thinking the same thing,” you blushed. Maverick returned in time to slap his friend on the back in congratulations.

“Yeehaw!” Goose exclaimed, his cheeks burning red and his smile beaming towards you. You couldn’t help but smile back at him.

–

Now you were sat at your desk, pencil in your hand, waiting to check in whoever Viper was gonna sink his teeth into next. Your mind however was replaying the events of several nights ago, when you and Maverick and Goose became a sort of inseparable trio at the bar: Goose’s sweet flirtations filling your ears every chance he got, and his arm swung around the back of your seat in Maverick’s car as they drove you to your house, and Goose’s gentle kiss on your hand as he said goodnight to you.

“Goodmorning ma’am,” a voice cut you out of your daze. Your eyes traced up the slender frame to Goose, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

“Morning lieutenant,” you spoke softly, “am I meant to check you in? You and Maverick get up to trouble again?”

Goose laughed, “no, no, Mav left his ego at home today and we landed early, so I wanted to stop by and say hi”

“Well hi,” you blinked up at him

“Hi” he said back confidently, “listen I was hoping you’d want to uh-”

“Bradshaw!” Viper’s voice rang from the other side of the door.

“Oh god,” you laughed, eyes darting down to your ledger

“I'm in for it now honey,” Goose said as he stood up straight and prepared for Viper’s reprimanding

“Lieutenant,” he began, the squeaking of the door muffling his words, “you're not distracting my secretary are you?”

“I hope not sir”

“I don't know if I believe you Bradshaw. Whether or not distraction was your intention, she looks pretty distracted to me,” Viper smiled down at you

“Sir,” you shook your head as you plopped your face into your hands to conceal your blush

“She was working perfectly before you arrived Lieutenant, and now she can't even lift her head high enough to read what's on the page in front of her!” Viper yelled sarcastically, gesturing to you, “you better right your wrongs or I'll have you and that hotshot pilot of yours grounded for another week!”

Viper spun around, shooting you a wink as you raised your head from your hands, and closed the door to his office, satisfied with his work.

“Well…” you began

“Commander's orders miss L/n…what could I possibly do to rectify the situation,” Goose jokingly pondered

“Hmmm let's think,” you said, twirling your pen

“How's about I take you out…” Goose blushed, his mustache curling up into a smile, “on a date.”

“A date?” You teased

“Yeah. Just you and me. No idiot Maverick to tease us the whole time,” he smiled

“Yeah Bradshaw, I’d like that”

“You free tonight honey?” He drawled

“Pick me up at six Lieutenant, not a minute later,” you shook your pencil at him

With a salute and a “yes ma'am,” Goose was walking down the hallway head held high.

–

5:59 the clock blinked as you sat in front of it, makeup and hair done, a light blue slip dress gently hugging your frame. This had felt like the longest minute of your life, sitting in front of your digital clock just waiting for the minute to change and Goose to arrive.

6:00 blinked and your heart started racing uncontrollably. The noise of it thumping was so loud it just about drowned out the knocking at your door. Breathing sharply to calm down, you stood up and smoothed out your dress, heading slowly towards the front door.

Opening it, your eyes scanned up Goose’s frame, taking in his pressed khaki pants, his white button down tucked into it, sleeves rolled up and top buttons undone, and his mustache curled up into a smile.

“My goodness,” he hollered, “don’t you look mighty fine darlin”

“Back at ya flyboy,” you blushed

“You ready for the best date of your life?” Goose asked, his soft eyes gazing down into yours.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day, Viper hasn’t heard the end of it,” you said as you locked your door and followed Goose to his bronco.

“Is that right, sugar?” He asked as he helped you into the passenger seat, goofy smile curling his mustache

“Oh yeah Lieutenant”

“Even the part about Viper?” He asked as he walked around to the driver’s seat and hopped in

“Especially the part about Viper. You better be on your best behavior or he’ll be hot on your tail,” you joked

“Ah-ha,” Goose hollered.

Goose drove you two down the sunset-lit road, gentle rock music playing from his stereo, his aviators resting gently on the bridge of his nose as his hand grasped the headrest of your seat.

–

Your date with Goose was full of laughter, good food, many drinks, and even more flirting. He told you the story of how he joined the Navy, and how he met Maverick in training and they became attached at the hip, and even how he was nervous about Maverick’s flying sometimes but he trusted him with his life. He asked you all about yourself, and as you told him about your upbringing and your career and your family, he sat with his head in his hands staring at you with bright eyes and curiosity. You loved listening to him talk about himself, and from the looks of him it seemed he felt the same about you.

After offering to pay multiple times, Goose finally wore you down as he set cash, plus a generous tip, down on the table.

“Thanks Goose,” you said genuinely, grabbing his hand in your own and looking him deep in the eyes.

“Anything for you, sugar,” he returned your gaze with a smile, his mustache curling over his lip, “ready to hit the road?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, keeping your hand in his as you stood up from your booth and walked towards the door, “where to next?”

“If it's not too forward,” he began, leaning down to speak softly into your ear once you exited the restaurant, “and tell me if it is…but I was hoping you’d want to come back to my place for a little?”

“And what exactly is there to do at your place?” You feigned confusion.

Goose simply shrugged, a smirk threatening his lips, as he walked to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for you.

“Never leave room for the imagination, Bradshaw,” you muttered, getting in the car and watching Goose saunter around to the driver’s side.

With a smile on his face, Goose’s hand traveled across the center console until it found yours, his fingers gently lacing with yours as his thumb rubbed gentle circles while you drove the short distance back to Goose’s house.

–

#top gun #top gun fic #top gun goose #nick goose bradshaw x reader #goose x reader #nick goose bradshaw #goose bradshaw #goose top gun #nick bradshaw x reader #nick bradshaw

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ainri · 1 year ago

Text

obsessive love disorder

•“youre so upset with me but im so obsessed with you…”

inspired by i’m so crazy for you by rebzyyx ^

• hunter x hunter

•characters: chrollo lucilfer, hisoka morow, illumi zoldyck

• them stalking gn!(name)

•fic warnings: !dark content!, cuss words, stalking, implied threatening, violence mentioned in chrollo’s part, kidnapping in hisoka’s part, photos taken w/o readers consent, reader contemplates suicide in illumi’s part.

•i honestly couldn’t decide because this isnt fluff and also isnt angst. its really just !dark content!

•masterlist

•a/n: guys this was supposed to be a fluff of them having a s/o stronger than them. didn’t even mean for this to become dark content. also illumi was gonna be in black but then i changed my mind last minute…

chrollo lucilfer

—

~what the fuck is going on???

~you were verbally fighting at an underground auction.

~you got mad and swung at him

~not only did he constantly outbid you by a single cent, he dared to call you a ‘crude’ for rejecting him after the auction!?

~he didn’t bother to stop your punch. he didn’t think you’d actually land the hit on him.

~the hit (in which he thought youd miss) actually hurt.

~for you to be stronger than him you’d have to be like batshit strong….. so props to you!

~suddenly you start seeing him all around york new city, almost too much, almost stalker-ish..

~“(name)! lets fight again and no sneak attacks but lets not use nen—“

~then it hit you.

~“wait! how do you know my name? i never shared it with you. in fact, tell me, why do we keep intersecting paths in a city as big as york new? i never saw you before the fight, i’m sure of it! have you been stalking me since?”

~what! of course not! we just happen to be in the same area again at the same time id never stalk you… i heard someone call you by a name so i assumed it was your name.”

~he said it mildly suspiciously with it being crystal clear he had made up the excuse as he was speaking.

~you knew he had to be following you. no way this was all by chance. you dont even use your real name on documents!?

~“i dont believe you, besides i know youre lying. stop following me, i know you are. you breathe quite loudly to be honest.”

~he froze. how did you know? what would he do?

hisoka morow

—

~this is….bizarre to say the least.

~hisoka attracted to a random defense attorney?

~“don’t fucking talk to me, you know i don’t like you. get out of my sight. i dont desire to see trash like you this early on in the day.”

~(name) said coldly, not wanting to deal with any of hisoka’s shit today.

~maybe it was the authority in your voice? intelligence? how you looked? oh! or maybe how you carried yourself? who knows.

~not that you were complaining! it was just weird.

~exes suddenly all apologizing, or coming up as dead. almost as if they’d been threatened.

~“so mean (name)! why do you hate me so much hmmm? i’m sure you appreciate your exes saying sorry why be upset?”

~your eyes widened almost unnoticeably.

~all anyone knew about hisoka the magician was once he wanted something, he got it. no matter what he had to go through to get it.

~“how do you know about that hisoka?��

~random camera flashes, feeling like someone was watching, clothes disappearing, items in your apartment being in different places within hours. this is eerie, unnatural almost.

~“a magician never tells his secrets! you should know this best of all my dear (name).”

~you pause, looking back at hisoka in shock and fear. suddenly everything went to black. all that was left in your vision was hisoka standing over you.

illumi zoldyck

—

~how did one of the strongest members of the zoldyck family become so attached to a mere servant?

~maybe it started in your teen years when you were assigned off to protect illumi?

~nonetheless, being a zoldyck servant was nothing short of eventful.

~from the usual family fights to having to coordinate his outfits.

~“(name) does this look good on me?”

~“it does look good on you young master; do you believe it looks good on you too?”

~“hmm yeah i do. it reminds me of that coat you were looking at with canary.”

~you weren’t even together that day. it was your only day off this year.

~he had always stalked you. you knew it, you just couldnt do anything about it.

~i mean what are you gonna do? tell silva his son’s stalking you? he simply doesn’t care, why waste his time and have him get rid of you?

~defying illumi is like asking for death. you’d rather kill yourself then upset illumi.

~that fate (of defying him) was much worse then death, something his previous ‘caretakers’ knew well before their untimely deaths.

~you have many bigger issues in your life than his stalking and undergarment theft.

~until he does something and goes well, too far, there’s nothing you can do until then.

~not until he gets bored of you, can you do anything to free yourself from this life.

~the day he gets bored of you is the day that you’ll likely end it.

~a day you should look forward to as a zoldyck servant.

#hxh x reader #hxh headcanons #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter headcanons #chrollo lucifer x reader #chrollo lucilfer #hisoka morrow x reader #hisoka morow #illumi zoldyck #illumi zoldyck x reader #x reader #dark content

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citylawns · 9 months ago

Note

my life or at least interests deeply centers around the visual (art/fashion). i know that fashion will continue to be a key aspect of who i am and it's also my main interest, but i am concerned that since fashion is in a way intertwined with body image or physical beauty (just by that it's something that's expressed visually), i can't seem to grasp how i can 'de-center' beauty in my life. even w grey hair i know i'll be obsessing over fashion and i can't stand it when clothes don't fit well. :-(

you need to be realistic about what I'm gonna call the "victorias secret side of fashion" which is that its very boring and bland and I want you to come over to the michele lamy side of fashion. look how beautiful michele lamy is. she's not afraid of aging. her clothes fit her perfectly. she is the epitome of the creator and the muse. your connection of body image to fashion is so normal, but its a limited scope of what fashion is and what it contains, there's so much you have to explpre. fashion is sort of an intersection of art and capitalism, and there's a huge tension there and it has ironically created a lot of ugly things and often shuts down creative freedom. so many designers and models and stylists i have worked with - people like Guido Paulu - do their jobs making "traditionally beautiful" campaigns and jobs in order to fund their personal projects where they can get creative and unusual and truly express themselves.

your body image issues are not only because of fashion, trust me, there is always something deeper going on that has more impact over why you are so focused on your body and how you look. I will never stop saying this speak to a mental health professional!!!! I think you'll find if you go to therapy, find a good therapist, work through your life, you will be able to enjoy fashion without limiting yourself to whether something fits a rigid beauty standard and you will find beauty in unconventional and surprising places

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mokeonn · 3 months ago

Note

Transmascs simply acknowledging that they face problems transfems don't tend to face as often aren't claiming misandry as a systemic force against all men exists, they are just acknowledging how their gender affects the form discrimination takes. 'Man' is not a default, ungendered state, and being a man does not lead to default, ungendered bigotry. This applies to homophobia, racism, ableism, etc and absolutely applies to transphobia. It'd be nice for men in all marginalized groups to be able to describe those intersections, without people deliberately taking the most bad faith interpretations of the terminology on a purely semantic level, regardless of what the terminology is or what it's describing.

As someone who once held the perspective you do, I believe you yourself would benefit from acknowledging your experiences as they are and unlearning the mental gymnastics and thought-terminating cliches required to degender your clearly gendered experiences as a trans man.

I'm gonna be 100% honest with you, men are not an oppressed group. A lot of men are oppressed, yes, but not because they're men. This was like, feminism 101. Men benefit from the patriarchy. Society was built around the idea that (white) men are superior. Man is not a default, but we live in a gendered society that treats it as such.

I am oppressed because I'm trans, because I'm autistic, because I'm mentally ill, because I'm disabled...

but not because I'm a man.

Have I been the subject of anti transmasc transphobia? Yeah. Of course. Obviously. But let's me explicitly clear here:

It's not because I'm a man, it's because I'm trans. The root of the specific bigotry I go through is transphobia. It's not "misandry", it's because I'm trans! The disgust I get for being a trans man is because I'm a trans man, not because I'm a trans man.

I'm sorry Anon but I'm not going to change my mind on this. I've been out as trans for over a decade now, and any disdain I get is not from my manhood, but because of my transness. Many men deal with bigotry and systemic oppression, but not because they're men. Every example I see trans man say is "transandrophobia" is based in transphobia, not misandry.

Like, I thought we all knew this??? Trans women face very specific oppression because they're trans, women, and trans women?? That's why the term transmisogyny exists? To describe the very specific oppression trans women face? Why would I use a term that involves the word Misandry in some way, a term we have lambasted for years now for good reason, when I can just say that what I deal with is transphobia? Because that's what it is. Transphobia. When I think back on the last 10 years of being openly trans, the bigotry I faced was because I was trans.

Use whatever labels you want I guess, I can't stop you, but I am gonna judge you for using misandry unironically lmao. Like yeah sometimes people are specifically transphobic towards trans men but it's because they hate us for being trans, not men, lmao.

Also, In my experience the guys who try to make these labels that are just repackaged versions of misandry are just like... generally unpleasant people to be around and they tend to not really interact with the larger trans community outside of other transmascs. They're pretty uninformed about the community im gonna be real with you. Like it really gives me the vibes of 15 year old MRAs who say men are oppressed because the patriarcy also hurts them. Like yeah, the patriarchy hurts everyone, but it specifically targets women. Just because you were caught in the crossfire, doesn't mean you were a target.

TL;DR: nah i've done a lot of thinking on it and it's just transphobia. And I'm okay with just describing it as transphobia. It doesn't need to be more. It doesn't "need to intersect with being a man", it's just transphobia. I'm okay with just calling it that. I've already reflected on my experiences and it's not a "thought terminating cliche" to say it's just transphobia.

I also repeated myself a lot bc I drank a cup of coffee before I had breakfast so I'm probably incoherent lmaooooo

#simon says #I added a read more bc I know I repeat myself a lot in this and it's long #but I am gonna block the anon if they respond again #like im not really gonna change my mind because I had 10 years to reflect on it #and it's like?? yeah the bigotry I faced was for my transness #and never my manhood #like people didn't care that i was a guy they cared that I was trans #plus I see the way people treat trans women and hoooooooo boy #sorry i had coffee before i had food this morning so im super jittery #but in my experience in the community yall are fucking annoying!!!#fuckin mens rights activists with a trans coat of paint lmaoooo

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allmoshnobrain · 1 year ago

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 06 of ? | masterpost

word count: 2192 | ao3 link

"I really like you, Nore," he whispered, his voice barely audible, as he locked eyes with me. I found myself staring back, my lips parting, my heart pounding like crazy. "I don't give a damn about what Cliff says. I don't care what James thinks. All I care about is you."

✦ summary: tensions arise between james and dave while dave and nore realize how their feelings for each other are becoming even deeper

✦ on this chapter: oc is cliff's cousin, nsfw, +18, slice of life, dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female!oc (friendship), james being a good friend, drinking, fluff, cliff being cliff (overprotective older cousin), romance, light physical violence, alcoholism/drinking issues

✦ a/n: hello! today and tomorrow i will post two chapters each day so i can post the unreleased chapter (part 9) wednesday here on tumblr at the same time as i will be posting on ao3. it's a really special chapter so stay tuned for it hehe <3 feedback is welcome for the whole fic, i love talking about it c:

✧ look at you strawberry blonde, i love it when you call my name ✧

"Hey, James, what brings you here?" I asked, surprised.

It was late afternoon on Monday, and I had just finished my first day of work when I spotted the tall, blond guy waiting for me outside the store. I was a bit tired, but despite that, the day had been quite interesting.

"Hey," he greeted, seeming a bit awkward. "Well, Cliff couldn't make it to pick you up. He's busy getting things ready for rehearsal. He mentioned that you tend to get lost easily, so I volunteered to come instead."

I let out a sigh. Cliff had insisted on walking me to work in the morning, convinced that I'd get lost. But I didn't expect him to go as far as sending someone to pick me up later. I tried not to let it bother me too much. Sure, Cliff cared about me, but it was nice to prove that I could handle things on my own sometimes.

"You didn't have to go through the trouble, James. But thanks," I said as we began walking home. Pausing for a moment, I furrowed my brow and added, "And I don't get lost easily! What's he even talking about?"

James shrugged with a smile. I rolled my eyes, and we continued strolling. We chatted along the way until he suddenly stopped at an intersection, looking confused.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Hm... I can't remember if we turn left or right now," he said. I gave him a skeptical look and quickly sized up the two possible directions before speaking up.

"I think it's to the right," I said, trying to sound confident, and turned to face him just as he burst into laughter, confused.

"'And I don't get lost easily!'" He mimicked my words with an exaggerated tone. I crossed my arms, feeling a mix of annoyance and amusement, as he pointed out, "It’s to the left, Nore."

"Were you testing me?" I asked, barely able to control my laughter. "James, seriously!"

We were still laughing about it as we reached home, making our way to the garage where they had set up a makeshift rehearsal area. In there, we stumbled upon Cliff, Lars, and Dave.

"Hey, Nore," Cliff chimed in. "So, did you manage to find your way back?"

"She made it, thanks to yours truly," James chuckled. "Left to her own devices, she'd still be wandering in the wrong direction."

"You're late," Dave grumbled, looking annoyed. James stared at him, baffled, as he picked up his guitar.

"Chill, dude," he retorted. "I'll just tune the guitar, and we can get started."

"Already tuned it for you. Wouldn't have had to if you hadn't decided to play babysitter," Dave snapped back sharply. I blinked, caught off guard by his sudden bad mood. James furrowed his brow.

"She just didn’t know the way back, man. Relax," he shot back icily. "If it bothers you that much, why didn't you go pick her up yourself?"

"Unlike you, I was actually working."

"Hey, hey," Lars cut in. "Are you guys gonna start fighting during rehearsals now?"

"Let's just get this going," Cliff said, already plucking a few notes on his bass.

James stared daggers at Dave for a solid moment before letting out a scoff.

"Yeah, let's play," he muttered, reaching for his guitar. Then he mumbled under his breath, "Fucking asshole."

"What did you say?" Dave growled, shoving him. James stumbled, falling over Lars' drums with a crash. I gasped, taken aback by his sudden outburst.

"Hey! My drums!" Lars yelled, getting up, clearly pissed off.

"For fuck's sake, Mustaine," Cliff sighed, his patience wearing thin.

James stood up, seething.

"I may be an asshole, but at least I don't go around hitting on other guys' girls," Dave growled, his tone dripping with menace. I blushed, nervously leaning against the wall. James glanced at him and let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Well, she's not your girl, is she?" he retorted, then turned to me. "You do realize she's right here, right? What do you think she's making of this little show of yours?"

Dave turned to look at me, his expression a mix of anger and shame. My heart sank. I didn't want to upset him, didn't want to see him hurt.

"Dave..." I started, "He was just helping me out. I simply didn't know the way! It's all right..."

"Come on, Nore, you don't need to explain yourself to him," Cliff chimed in, nonchalantly. "Let's go, both of you, quit stalling. Let's just start playing already, damn it."

"Yeah, I don't think I feel like doing this anymore," Dave growled angrily before storming out of the garage.

"Damn it!" Lars yelled, then chucked his drumsticks against the wall in frustration. "You!" he pointed at me. I raised my eyebrows, frightened. "Could you please not ruin our rehearsals? How are we supposed to record our songs with this kind of mess?"

"I... I didn't..." I started, but Cliff looked at Lars, his brow furrowed.

"Hey! She has nothing to do with this. Pipe down."

"Yeah, whatever," Lars muttered as he got up and stormed out in frustration. I looked at Cliff, shocked.

"Cliff, I didn't mean to..."

"Relax," James reassured me. I glanced at him and saw his intense gaze fixed on the entrance of the garage, clearly annoyed. "Mustaine's always pulling that kind of stunt. He'll show up again eventually."

"Why'd you have to go and say that to him?" I asked, my tone more heated than I intended. He raised an eyebrow, his eyes shifting towards me, surprised by my sudden anger. "You didn't have to rile him up like that..."

"Look, I don't care if you're cool with letting the guy be all possessive or whatever. If that’s what you’re into, it's your call. I'm not that dude," he gestured towards Cliff, who gave him a disapproving look. "But he's not going to tell me what to do. I'm not gonna stop hanging out with a friend just 'cause he's too damn insecure to handle his girlfriend interacting with other guys."

I blushed. A friend? His girlfriend? Just a few weeks ago, I barely knew James, or Dave, or Lars. And now one of them had kissed me, and the other was standing in the messy garage with the most serious expression on his face calling me his friend. And he meant it, I realized. He genuinely thought of me as a friend, and also... He genuinely believed that Dave had feelings for me.

"I'm not his girlfriend," was all I managed to blurt out as my face turned all shades of red. James burst into laughter, and Cliff couldn't help but chuckle, barely holding it in. I furrowed my brow. Were they laughing at me? "Hey! I'm serious!"

"Man, he called you 'my girl,'" James remarked. "And let's not forget all the times we've caught you two smooching around the damn house."

I blushed even harder because he had a point. Dave and I had been kissing left and right in the past few days. In the kitchen right after waking up. In the living room when we had a moment alone before going to bed. In the backyard while sharing a beer and a cigarette. In Dave's room and even, once — God, I hoped Cliff didn't know about this one — even in Cliff's bed, with the lights off, on a night when he was at Leanne's place and everyone else was already asleep.

I had always assumed we were alone when these things happened, that nobody was seeing — but apparently, I was wrong. I opened my mouth to snap back, fueled by anger, but Cliff cut me off before a word escaped my lips.

"Don't give us that surprised look, it's not like you two have been trying to hide it. Everyone's seen it, it’s been a real pain in the ass," Cliff remarked. James burst into laughter at that, and I furrowed my brow. "Well, if you'll excuse me, cousin. Ain't got time for your love life right now." He glanced at James. "Ready to jam or what?"

James shrugged.

"Sure. Should I call Lars?"

"Nah, leave him be. He'll show up."

"Alright," he grabbed his guitar, plugged it into the amp, then turned to me. "You gonna stick around and watch?"

I shook my head. I was so annoyed at them — at Lars for being a jerk, at Cliff for not giving a damn, at James for needling Dave like he did. It was all too much for me.

"I'm out," I said curtly. "I'm gonna find Dave."

"Well, good luck with that," Cliff said. "Try Stanton's, he loves drinking there when he's pissed."

I didn't bother saying anything else as I walked out of the garage.

I actually went to Stanton's, after all. Dave was easy to find, a messy mop of ginger hair slouched in a corner, enjoying a beer all by himself. Two girls were eyeing him from the other side of the bar, whispering and giggling all seductive-like, but he either didn't notice or pretended not to.

"Hey," I plopped myself down across the table, and he looked at me, clearly surprised. "Cliff mentioned you'd be here," I explained, and he let out a sigh.

"You shouldn't have come," he slurred, and I realized he was already a little tipsy. "You've got work tomorrow."

I chuckled, and he stared at me, eyebrows raised.

"Well, so do you," I pointed out. "Aren't you working at that mechanic shop or something?"

"Yeah, fuck it," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Nore, why'd you come here?"

I paused, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure why I had come. All I knew was that I didn't want him to be alone, drowning his sorrows angry and sad in that bar. I could only remember what he had said about his anger and his issues with drinking, and realize that, more and more, I cared about him. Enough to go after him in a bar in a town I barely knew, without even a clue if he’d be there or not.

"I didn't want to leave you by yourself," I said simply. He looked at me, surprised, and I felt a slight blush creeping up my cheeks. "I don't think you're a jerk, Dave."

"Well, thanks, I guess", he replied with a smile that I couldn't help but return. He reached out and held my hand, his fingers gently intertwining with mine. My heart skipped a beat as I savored the warmth of his touch. "You're too kind, Nore. How did you end up here, living with us? We're all a bunch of trainwrecks.'

"I've told you before. I'm not that good either," I replied in a soft tone.

“I don't believe you,” he said, then stood up, still gripping my hand. “Come on, let's go.”

I got up, feeling a mix of confusion and excitement, and followed him outside. He started walking fast, then picked up the pace until we were practically running. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Dave, where are we h—" I gasped when he suddenly stopped, his arm wrapping around my waist firmly to halt my momentum as he pinned me against the wall. Our lips collided in a passionate kiss, leaving me breathless. His body pressed against mine as I let out a sigh, my heart racing.

I could definitely get used to the taste of beer on his lips and tongue, the scent of his skin and hair. I wasn't so sure if I could ever get used to the butterflies in my stomach that fluttered wildly whenever his lips moved against mine, his tongue exploring my mouth with ease. It was an entirely new experience for me, the way he could dominate me with just a touch. His hand cupped my cheek and I let out a small moan while the other held onto my hair firmly, pulling me closer to him.

"Dave, I..."

"If you don't like me, you gotta let me know right now," he smiled, his tone surprisingly sweet, "Before it's too damn late. 'Cause if we keep going like this, I might just end up falling in love with you."

I blinked, lost for words. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't let me lie for too long.

"I like you a lot too, Dave," I finally said, my hands gently gliding over his arms. He beamed that beautiful smile I adored, then kissed me on my lips, and then on my neck, and I let out a blissful sigh, closing my eyes as he pulled me closer.

Maybe it's already too late for me , I thought. Because I don't know if I can stop myself from falling in love with him right now.

#ada writes fanfiction #heartbreaker fanfic #metallica #megadeth #james hetfield #dave mustaine #cliff burton #lars ulrich #metallica fanfiction #dave mustaine x oc #dave mustaine fanfiction #nore burton (oc)#hello hello hello it's heartbreaker day!!

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stormcrow513 · 1 year ago

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Ya know I'm getting really tired of the uuuww 'their mean cause someone hurt them, the power of your kindness can save them'

Not because it isn't true

Not because people don't deserve redemption

Not because I think it's a bad story to tell

But because it is not being balanced with other true messages

Some people are just bad

For these purposes it doesn't matter why they are cruel,

What matters is they are cruel and will be cruel again

Give my second sister as example, when we were kids she is 5 years older then me

She broke my arm and covered up that she did it at I was 3 so she was 8

I don't know how old either of us were when she began sexual abusing me, though I vividly remember the arm breaking at 3, like I just recently filled in some dots for ma,

She beat me,

Almost killed me a couple times,

It took me years, around now and I'm thirty-one, for me to stop trying to treat her with kindness because that was my default once, kindness

Even now my new default is caution not cruelty

She didn't stop hitting me hard with all her strength, to me shoulders arms breasts, back, stomach, ribs,

Not until I went through one last growth spurt at the beginning of my twenties, and became a mini tank, like I'd always been strong for my side but now I'd grown into it,

Anyway we were walking through the clothes aisle at the intersection she turned and punched my shoulder as hard as she could, wouldn't be surprised if she cracked the bone,

I turned and punched with 20 years pent up pain I was done in her bicep I felt my knuckle hit bone her eyes lit up with tears I probably cracked bone

She never has hit me hard ever again

She's got a small child now and she's never stopped being verbal and physically abusive, she came at me once when I told she to give me back my horse tack (she'd just caused my horse death,) called her a tief, and she threw his boots at me when I was filling a glass of water it was on the counter the glasses, the boot hit it and almost dropped it on my bare feet, also she shoved at me in said kitchen with water sloped on the floor,

Last year she got one of her dogs hurt, see she lets em ride it her truck but

A, does not seat belt them in, this is a safety Hazzard to the dogs herself and her child,

Has never trained em to get out safely, she opens the door they spill out,

I've warned and warned her one day one dog was gonna land on the other, 'they could end up with a broken leg or legs,

Last year it did, big dog jumped down right on to really fucking small dog,

Then instead of keeping small dog cordoned off into kitchen to keep leg safe from other dogs and make sure the little dog doesn't jump up, as she's allowed on furniture,

Little dog jumps up onto bed starts squealing in pain, take to vet, leg ended up so fucked that they had to cut it off,

Sidenote she kicks her dogs when they piss her off which just walking into her way can do,

I bet she's abusing her kid, heard her call her daughter racist names cause the kids dad has a bit of native blood

Here's the thing that I wish I saw growing up at least a little

Some people are just bad,

And they won't ever ever change no matter what,

You don't have to try and save every one,

Being kind to people also means being kind to yourself and sometimes the kindest thing to do for you is to leave that person to their shit,

as much as you can anyway ,like ma and I live with my abusive sperm donor as long as he lives she could come over here to the house, I can't tell her to stay away from me or I'll file a restraining order,

*high Disclaimer*

#high posting

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debtsunpaid · 1 year ago

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he scoffs, a conflicting intersection between being deeply amused and not amused in the slightest. " i'm sure that's what you tell yourself. you ever see a human do a self-portrait, em? stand them up next to it and there's a resemblance, sure, but there's always gonna be something altered. something missing. creating something in your image doesn't mean it actually ends up being like you — just means that if you say that was your intention, people will believe you. i'll save my love — " a word that drips with condescension, more a jab than an admission of its existence, " — for when he actually gets it right. "

oh the goddamn arrogance. it gnaws at him, skating the edges of something brittle: a handpicked mask is still a hollow shape, no matter the care one takes in the crafting of it, and the empty well left behind by the loss of an unblemished divinity swallows down its acknowledgment like a wish, consigned to darkness and daydreams. ( no one will find me there, em. that's the point. ) he smiles to hide the clatter as it lands, hard and cold. " emmanuel. is that a little wounded pride i'm hearing? " both hands come together to clasp before his chest, head inclined to the side, the patronizing visage of the benevolent parent extending . . . well, mercy. " careful now. i know you're fallen, so i can't go expecting much of you these days, but there's only so much sin i can forgive. "

it's amazing to him, truly — the loyalty a damned man can inspire, even as he goes on damning others. manny shakes his head with a frustrated sigh, a paper cut-out facsimile of anger and disappointment. " if they didn't need us pulling the strings, then why are you here? why were you put here, emmanuel, on earth, if not to pull their strings? oh, you can call it whatever you want: guidance, bringing out the good. you can say they don't need it, that they're just fine without us. but if you really believed that, why, all you'd have to do is just sit back and watch, right? unless you're saying god made you to be a pointless angel. is that what you're saying? "

smug intensity darkens into flat, undisguised loathing; directed at who, it's hard to say. at em, at john, at people. at god. " i don't want your weak, subservient love. i don't want your all-important forgiveness. this earth and these people are a burning church with the roof caving in, and i want god to wake up and put out the fire, or i will put it out myself. "

oh it'd be nice, to walk into his brother's house and deliver himself into open arms; to watch the humans stumble, side-by-side, and think on newborn foals as they learn to stand. but cain had to kill abel to properly provide the lesson, and if all anyone chooses to remember is the sorrow of the sheep as they looked to where their tender lay, then manny will be the one to remind them of the weight of the rock as it struck.

all at once, an easing of tension: a slump of shoulders. " i'm trying to help you. " there's reluctant sorrow in that, as ill-accustomed as he is to showing it; to feeling it. this time as he closes the distance between them, it's mundane, the slow process of putting one foot before the other; he stops at an arm's reach, eyes boring into em's without blinking. " you're not impervious to harm, now. you know that, right? can you feel the blood in your veins, the heart that beats, skin that won't just sew itself back together if you cut it? you can't stand before the tide and expect it to break on you, anymore. you're fragile, now. and these people, this constantine . . . they break their fragile things, just to hear the sound. how can you find it in yourself to wait around and let them? "

emmanuel frowns, feeling that the other is not justified in the way he treats him. why did he even come here? it's all been done. his halo snapped, his wings cut, the last bits of divinity he scrapes from the bottom of the pit that is his ribcage, when he needs them. is manny here to take them, too? he maintains a firm gaze. his territory may have gotten much smaller but he is territorial, still. "they are one and the same. i love because i have been given this love to give. and there is no wrong way to do that. none of them are entirely wicked. each of them need just a bit of guidance, a bit of faith... in them. they were created in father's image, were they not? we were meant to love them. where's that love in you? haven't you got any?"

he has to give it to john, there is something intoxicating about staring a being so much more powerful than yourself in the face. to him, of course, that feeling is accompanied by a pang of pain, a phantom limb of nature he's lost. he draws strength from it, nonetheless. remains unimpressed, unsurprised, though he gasps for air a little when space is released again. "-- still you chose to wear the syllables that were mine. were yours not good enough? there is power in a name, everyone knows that. do you feel lost, with all of that to account for? many a-manny, who will find you among all of them?"

tender eyes harden. perhaps it is easier to listen to jabs at himself than it is to have the other throw filth at john. "then you don't know him. he's better than you give him credit for. they all are. the very pull of their soul is towards the good, but every so often they are stuck in the dark, by circumstance, or by their own limitations. they can solve things for themselves, they don't need us to pull the strings. they are not puppets. they shape their own fate. while i was only ever there to bring out the good already in their nature, you -- making sure they earn it -- ruined them with your cryptic advice and a fondness of melodrama. look at you. you are doing it now. do you really feel i'd snapped all of that love and mercy from you? if you were feeling unloved, you should have come around, you'd see you were just as worthy as anyone. that love is unconditional. that love is free. no one needs to earn it, least of all those who need it."

something softens in his gaze again, as if through muscle memory. this kindness seeps through him in spite of everything. kindness and eyes so intent, reading the other though he can no longer see anything but his vessel and eyes so bright. "-- and you appear particularly in need on this fine evening. but you come late. i may give you forgiveness and love, but they will be of my own accord. and that's obviously not something you would consider for yourself... is it?"

#handgiven #em: aw you weren't hugged enough as a child?#manny: maybe cain had a point in killing abel actually #HE'S SUCH A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN bro go get loved. drink some tea idiot. you'll feel better #manny is the angel that those fire and brimstone televangelists were always warning everyone about #has not known a normal or chill day in all his life and will continue not to #MANNY TXT. ( i have no time for confession for i'm too busy committing sins. )

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callsign-joyride · 2 years ago

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Accident | B.R.B.

Summary: After a night out with Bob, Phoenix, and Payback, the four of you are involved in a car accident. You panic and call Rooster, and he gets there to comfort you.

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x fem!reader

Content warnings: Drinking, car accident, drunk driving, cursing, throwing up, slight angst (there's a happy ending to this), hurt/comfort

My inbox is open :)

You handed Bob the keys to your car as you walked out of The Hard Deck with him, Pheonix, and Payback. The four of you had already planned this night out, but you didn't plan on drinking. Since Bob didn't drink, that automatcally made him the designated driver. You sat in the passenger seat and took control of the music, which was either going to go very well or very poorly.

Everyone was shouting the lyrics to Whitney Houston's How Will I Know and you were taking videos to send to Rooster. The next song played as Bob stopped at a light. He couldn't make it all the way across the intersection because another car hit your side.

"What the fuck?!" You exclaimed.

"Is everyone okay?" Bob asked.

"Yeah, I think we're both fine," Payback said. Bob turned the hazard lights on and you unbuckled your seatbelt. With the insurance information and your phone in one hand, you used the other hand to open the door. It would barely open an inch, so you panicked and tried to kick it open.

"Fuck!" You yelled. You knew that you were panicking, but you also didn't really know what else to do. It felt like you couldn't focus on anything but getting out of the car, so you were surprised when Payback wrapped his arms around you and pulled you out of the car through the driver's side.

A bystander announced that they had called 9-1-1 while you started to walk over to the other car. Bob put his arm in front of you in a protective manner.

"I'll talk to the other guy, okay? You were drinking. Go stand with Payback and Phoenix and give Rooster a call."

You sighed and said okay before handing him the insurance information and walking over to Payback and Phoenix. They were leaning against the car, and you joined them. You didn't realize how stressed you were until you unlocked your phone with shakey hands. As soon as Rooster picked up the phone, you started crying again.

"I- there was an accident. Oh my God, I think I'm gonna throw up," you rushed out. You shoved your phone in Phoenix's face and ran around the car. Two police cars rolled up as you were done throwing up.

You grabbed a mint from the tin in the center console and walked back over to Phoenix and Payback. Bob was walking over as well, except one of the police officers was talking to the driver of the other car.

"Okay, which one of you was driving the car?" An officer asked. Everyone pointed to Bob, and the police officer said that he called for an ambulance had been dispatched.

Bob was talking to the cop when you saw Bradley's Bronco pull up close to the accident. You walked over to him and he immediately gave you a hug.

"Are you hurt?" He asked.

"I don't think so, no. I'm shaken up but I don't think I'm hurt. He came out of nowhere. And now I don't know what to do because I sort of don't have a car and they might total it because it's so old."

"Hey, whatever happens, we'll figure it out. What are you lookin' at?" He asked as he turned around. The police were arresting the guy in the other car. Bob waved the two of you over.

"So the cops told me that the other guy was drunk out of his mind but we can go home after we get checked out. Tow trucks are on the way."

"Okay, thanks."

Rooster stayed with you as paramedics checked you out in the back of the ambulance. He grabbed your bag out of your car before it got towed away and the two of you went home in his Bronco. You barely slept that night. You tossed and turned and texted your teammates but it didn't seem like anything could calm you down.

Bradley woke up when he heard you let out a sob. It was almost two in the morning at that point, and you were mad at yourself because you couldn't get to sleep.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here," he said, before wrapping his arms around you. It was then that you felt like you were able to fall asleep.

#bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun maverick #x reader #robert bob floyd #natasha phoenix trace #reuben payback fitch #rooster x reader

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warmaidensrevenge · 2 years ago

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Pairings: Eddie x best friend! Plus size reader

Ok. This one is gonna be kinda rough. Hope y'all like it. Inspired by Paramores song never let this go.

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Warnings: Angst, body insecurities, smoking, mentions of sex, arguing, cursing. Not proof read. No word count. Sorry!

Part 3: Crestfallen

Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND?! You thought over and over. Eddie has a girlfriend. When the fuck did that happen?

You sat in the library looking down at the empty notepad in front of you. You stared at it half hoping the words would just appear.

The sound your pencil made while you tapped it on the table grew louder and louder. The smell of old books made you queazy. And the clock above the librarian's desk was driving you crazy.

Why wouldn't he tell you? You guys told each other everything. Even when he hooked up with someone. You just always stopped him from going into too much detail. Maybe he knew. Maybe he knew that if he told you, it would break your heart. Maybe he knew that you were in love with him.

No.

You pushed the thought away. If he did know, then why would he have taken care you while you were sick? Or why would he call you a pretty girl? Surely if he knew you liked him, he wouldn't do those things. He just wouldn't. He's not like that.

Then why the hell wouldn't he tell you?!

The rest of the school day didn't get any better. Drones of teachers lecturing on trigonometry and statistics just came out sounding like Charlie Brown's mom.

As the final bell rang for the day, you still couldn't decide how to approach Eddie. You were hurt. But you didn't want him to see that. You didn't want anyone to see that.

Maybe Gareth meant like a friend who happens to be a girl...like me.

You contemplated going home or to the Munson's. Wanting to spill your guts out to your best friend. You wanted to smack his arm and scold him for keeping such a big secret. But you were afraid of what he might say.

As you stopped at an intersection you looked left then right. Left was home. Right was most likely heartache.

You tapped your fingers on the handle bars. Hearing the call of the void as cars passed by. You thought you could be brave this time. Just this once.

As you stared at the road to the right, you put your foot back on the peddle and took off.

Pulling up into your driveway gave you some kind of comfort that you didn't know you needed until you saw it. It was a small amount of peace you needed right now.

Your dad worked second shift at the Hawkins sewer and authority. So you knew you would be alone. Though you should've went to talk this out with Eddie, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. So you went inside and headed straight for the kitchen. Grabbing a bag of Doritos and a can of pop.

You sat on the floor in your room eating and listening to Fleetwood Macs album Rumors.

'Go your own way' did it for you. You couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. So you grabbed your walkman and went for a walk.

You strolled for about 30 minutes before finding yourself in the woods. Right in front an old maple tree.

One day back in the summer of '84, Eddie brought you to this old tree house to get high. It wasn't really a tree house. More like a hunters perch. Just a really big one. The wood floor wrapped it's self around the tree. With wood planks nailed to the base trailing up to the top. It was a place full of laughs and tears.

Our place.

The tree held a lot of significance. Everytime Eddie got in a fight, you could always finding him here. You helped clean his cuts or busted lip. Or when the stupid kids hurt your feelings a little too much or when you missed your mom. Eddie would always find you here.

You sat at the edge of the perch and lit a cigarette. Normally, you didn't smoke. Only when you were unbearably stressed. And today was one of those days. You sat there staring out into the woods.

What would I give to not exist right now.

You wiped away your tears and started to sing.

'Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.'

As you hummed the rest of the song you pulled out a note pad and tried writing.

'I love you

But if I tell you

I lose you

And that's just something I'm not willing to do

But I truly do love you'

Nope too cheesey. You thought.

You ripped out the page and crumpled it, stuffing it into your bag. This happened a few more times before you decided to give up.

Reaching for another cigarette, you notice that you already smoked half the pack. It started to get dark and cold now but you didn't want to leave. You didn't want to leave the only place that eased your mind.

Thoughts of Eddie running through your head. You hugged yourself to warm up. Inhaling puff after puff. You wished you knew why you weren't good enough. You prayed for this gut wrenching feeling to ease up. Wished it would all just go away. Even the feelings of rejection and loneliness.

Please God. Help-

" Hey you up there?"

That stupid beautiful voice made you freeze.

" Heyyy y/n?" He sung out.

You wiped your tears away and scooted back so that he couldn't see your feet.

" C'mon y/n. Don't hide."

You peak over the edge.

Shit why are you here?

Eddie put his hands on his hips. "Ahhhhaaa! I found you... So uhh you coming down or am I coming up?"

Shit shit.

" Alright coming up." He said.

You hurried and snuffed out the cigarette before he made it up top.

" Whatcha doing up here? Smoking huh?"

You swallowed thickly and sighed. " What's up Munson?"

" I've been looking everywhere for you. Did you know Hawkins has a library?"

You let out a light chuckle. "You don't say."

He shoulder bumped you at you being sarcastic. " Yup. I went there to find you. Should've know to come here first." He smacked his forehead.

" Did... did you need something?"

He shook his head. Making his beautiful curls sway a little. " Nah just wanted to hang out."

It was quiet for a while after that. You could hear the crickets chirping. The wind moving through the trees. Usually those sounds relaxed you. But all you felt was tension in the highest degree. So you lit another cigarette.

Before you could take a proper drag, he took it from you.

"These things will kill ya." He grinned, then took a long toke before handing it back.

You guys stayed quietly for a minute before he became antsy.

"So you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

You couldn't find the words. So you remained silent.

Eddie leaned against the tree and crossed his ankles. Putting an arm behind his head.

" Alright then, I've got nowhere to be tonight. So whenever you're ready." He said, lightly smacking your arm so you could share the cigarette.

After he took his drag, he handed it back. You flicked off the ashes and took a long hit. Letting it out slowly into the sky. You then inhaled sharply and sighed.

" When where your gonna tell me?" You asked looking off in the distance.

You could feel his gaze on you while he slowly sat up.

" What are you talking about?"

You shook your head and scoffed a little. "Your girlfriend."

Eddie sighed. "How-how do you know about that?"

You could hear in his tone that he didn't plan on telling you. You took one last puff before crushing the butt into the wood. Tossing it after.

" Since when did we stop telling each other everything Munson?" You said coldly.

He sighed again and when he didn't say anything you got up and climbed down the tree.

He groaned. " Ugh fuck! Y/n c'mon wait."

Finally on the ground you started off home.

Don't cry. Don't let him see you cry.

He chased after you. "Y/n c'mon stop!"

You tried to ignore him but all you wanted to do was break down.

" Seriously y/n. Fuckin' talk to me. I can explain."

You stopped and hung your head. " What do you want me to say?"

" I...I don't know. Maybe tell me what's going on in your head. Why are you freaking out on me? You ignore me all day, and now you're smoking."

I'm sad okay!

You turned around and looked at the guy you loved. " I'm sorry. Whatever I - I did that made you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I'm so sorry. You can always talk to me Munson. About anything." You choked up a little. " I just- I just thought...I don't know. I thought were friends."

" Hey hey hey" He said. Trying to calm you down. "We are friends silly. You're my best friend. Please don't be sorry. I just- didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want you to be upset."

Shit he knows how I feel.

You were quiet again. Which freaked him out.

" See I knew you would be mad that I was seeing her." He tossed his head back, throwing his arms in the air then dropping them back down while shaking his head. " See this is exactly why-"

You cut him off. "Her?"

His eyes widened. Shit you don't know. He thought while trying to look everywhere but you.

" Munson... Who?"

Still not looking at you, he kick a pine cone.

"Munson? Who's your girlfriend?"

He let out a frustrating growl while crossing his arms. Finally meeting your gaze. Your eyes feel like daggers to him. Yup you were definitely going to kick his ass.

"EDWARD?!"

"Shit! Fine...Fine" He moved his messy bangs out of his eyes. "It's Sara."

Your eyes widen. "Umm excuse me?"

He clicked his tongue. " S-sara."

"Sara who?"

Silence fell again.

Nope nope. You thought. Don't you fuckin' dare say her.

"SARA WHO EDWARD?!"

He winced. "Mitchell..."

The sound of her name left a nasty taste in your mouth. It was probably the cigarette that did that but, you definitely decided that it was her name.

You lightly chuckled. "That's not funny."

Eddie licked his lips. "I wasn't joking."

Any sadness you had went right out the window. Now you were fuming. You shook your head and lowered your eyes to the ground. Trying to calm yourself down.

"No. Not gonna happen. Nope." You said, turning around and stomping off. He followed in persuit.

" Oh yes it is!" He groaned. "Y/n c'mon on. Don't walk away."

You kept going and repeating "no"

"Y/n seriously! She's not that bad."

NOT THAT BAD! HE HAS TO BE FUCKIN' KIDDING ME.

You spun around causing him to stop suddenly and slid a bit. You could punch him. If he was close enough, you would have knocked him into the next life. Maybe he would come back as a jackass. Then he and Sarah fuckin' Mitchell could ride off into the sunset.

" That's it! We're fighting!" You said through your teeth.

It came out harsh. But you didn't care. He was being the biggest fuckin' idiot right now.

Eddie backing away with his hands stretched out towards you.

You slowly started approaching him. " Seems like you forgot who was responsible for you getting your hair cut off in middle school. All because she decided to use YOUR head as gum wrapper!"

Closing your distance, he put his hands in his jean pockets and looked away. You were right about that.

You cocked your head to the side." No?" How about when the one time I wore a dress to school, she dropped a ketchup soaked tampon behind me. IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAFETERIA!"

" Well it was a nice dress. You looked really pretty." He tried lighting the mood.

You narrowed your eyes at him. What the fuck?!

"NOT THE POINT MUNSON!" You took a calming breath and continued. " So her coining your oh so special nickname. Eddie 'the freak' Munson does nothing for you?"

He shrugged. " It's uhh love hate kind of relationship."

You scoffed. " How about when she tripped Dustin on his first day of school. Causing his braces to cut his lip. Oh by the way, how is he ok with this?"

He grinned. " That kid worships me."

You pinched the bridge of your nose trying to sort out this stupid conversation.

Eddie knew he messed up. Not telling you he was dating someone. But worst of all seeing your arches nemesis. "Hey. C'mon she's really not that bad."

You covered your mouth and looked away from him. Tears filling your eyes. "She's the one who started the whole 'miss piggy' thing. She's the reason why people make squeal and oink noises at me." Your voice broke and you crossed your arms feeling the cold again.

You weren't even mad anymore. You were just so hurt that out of everyone. He picked her. Sure you knew this day would come. And you knew it was gonna depress you. But this was more. A betrayal if you will.

Eddie could hear the pain in your voice and felt liked an asshole. He went to you and took your face in his hands. Wiping away your tears with his thumbs. It really broke his heart when you cried.

" Don't cry pretty girl. Listening I made her promise to stop. Ok?"

" I... I don't trust her Eddie."

He wrapped you up in a tight hug and you buried your face in his chest hugging him back.

" I'm not asking you to trust her." Eddie's voice quaked a little as he tried to shush you. " Trust me. Just trust me pretty girl."

You guys stood there for a few minutes. He knew that you would trust him with your life. Just like he trusted you with his. And no matter what was happening, your friendship came first.

He rubbed your arms. " You're shivering....c'mon. Let me take you home."

You agreed and he led you to his van holding your hand. Not letting go until you got home.

He lingered as always after dropping you off. Making sure you were safe inside your house. However for some reason he felt like he hurt you more than he initially thought.

It couldn't have been just him confessing that he was seeing Sara that made you have a panic attack. But whatever it was, all he knew was to never do it again.

...

A few days went by and you filled your time with school work and filling out college applications. Eddie would come hang out, but he never stayed long. You felt like you were losing him.

Out of everything you could put your feelings aside. But the lack of attention hurt you. And it was only gonna get worse.

At lunch you would sit in your spot pretending that everything was ok. You did your best to not make things awkward. But you were loosing the internal battle. Thank goodness it was campaign night. Finally you could pretend to be someone else and have some fun again. Even if it was only just for a few hours.

Eddie was obtuse. And very forgetful. But one thing he was very good at, was reading you. You were obviously sad. The little smile on your face didn't fool him. He could see it in your eyes.

But what could he do? He liked Sara. And it really didn't hurt things when she was good in bed.

Still, whether he saw it or not. There was something deeper going on with you. And being a good friend would figure it out. However, he kept getting distracted.

...

You grab the bags of snacks out of the basket that hung in front of your bike. You looked for Eddie. But he wasn't there to help. Out of nowhere Dustin came out the doors.

" Hey y/n."

"Umm hey."

" Eddie sent me out here to help you."

You furrowed your brow. Why didn't he come?

You nodded. " Oh ok. Thanks buddy."

Dustin grabbed a couple of bags and you walked in together. You stopped suddenly. Feeling your stomach drop and the air getting sucked from your lungs.

You look at your normal spot at the campaign table and she was sitting there. Giggling and making googly eyes at Eddie. He didn't even look at you.

You went to the snack table not saying a word. Dustin smiled at you and you gave a halfhearted one back.

"Are you really ok with this?" You whispered to him.

"Y-yeah. As long as Eddie's happy right?"

" Right..." you replied. Giving Eddie a longing look that he didn't notice.

He's happy with her.

You and Dustin finished setting up. Both heading to the campaign table after.

You could feel Eddie's eyes on you. You gave him a quick glance and a small smile.

He mouthed an " I'm sorry" and you just shook your head and looked away.

That campaign was great.

Eddie had created the Cult of Vecna. It was intense. The only thing that was off about it, was Sara acting like she was interested in the game. She asked a million and one questions. Causing the game to go on extra long. Normally you loved lengthy campaigns. But you couldn't wait to get out of there.

After you went to clean up the snack table, you picked up Eddie's normal container and saw the cookies were still there. Even the milk carton wasn't opened. The feelings you got were almost undescribable. It was this gut wrenching feeling accompanied with a pain in your heart. Not once has he ever done that. This guy wasn't your Eddie anymore.

He's her's now. The thought made you physically exhausted.

Dustin broke you out of your daze. " Sweet! There's still cookies."

You looked over to him and gave him a genuine smile. Glad that at least Dustin was still Dustin.

You sighed to yourself. "Turn around. Let me see your backpack. "

He was confused but did as you asked.

You unzipped the top zipper and put in the cookies intended for Eddie. Dustin looked over his shoulder to see what you were doing.

He gave you a toothybeam. " Thanks!"

You grinned at him. " You're welcome buddy. Enjoy them."

Once everything was done, all of you headed outside. Eddie and Sara were kissing and horsing around by his van. He glanced over to where you and Dustin stood. You half smiled and lifted your hand to wave goodbye. He threw up a ✌️ and opened the door for Sara. You over heard. "M'lady" Sara then laughed, while tugging at his hair.

You wanted to be happy for him and a part of you was. But seeing it was her who made him smile was just so painful.

As long as you're happy bud.

...

You cried yourself to sleep that night. Like most nights, you wish you could be someone else. Someone less emotional, less insecure. You were such a coward. You couldn't tell your best friend how he made you feel. How hard this was.

You want to tell him to stop doing things that made you fall deeper in love with him. To stop worrying about you. You wanted him to tell you, that there wasn't even the slightest chance that you guys could be together. So that maybe you can move on. You tried to make yourself feel better by thing about how far away you would be after highschool. Maybe the distance would help. Maybe if he was out of sight then you could let him go.

The tapping on your window woke you up. You looked at the clock trying to make out the red blurred light.

2:47 am.

You got up and went to the window. Dressed in your green flannel and panties. Your high bun off to the side.

" Hey." Eddie whispered when you opened the window.

You didn't say anything and went back to bed. He climbed in and made himself at home.

He tried to be as quiet as possible taking off his shoes and jacket. He then went to turn your record player. Lowing it so that he could barely hear it. He figured you guys were gonna talk.

When he brought Sara to the club, he honestly thought you were gonna drag her out by her hair. But instead you had this sadness surrounding you. And he knew he was the cause of it. So what could he do other than say he was sorry.

You had your back facing him when you felt him climb into bed and felt an arm go around your waist. He then pulled you closer to him. You felt his bare chest pressing against your back.

This was quite normal. You guys were best friends after all. But something about this time felt different. It might have been possible that the relationship was merely platonic. And that was all it would ever be.

He whispered in your ear while hugging you a little tighter. " I'm sorry y/n."

You groaned. " I'm sleeping Munson."

Just before you fell back asleep you mumbled "I miss you."

Eddie held you even tighter. He missed you too. More than he cared to admit.

These past few days felt weird. It was like something was missing from his life. Or someone. That obviously being you. Sure Sara was fun. And super hot. But, he couldn't talk to her like he could with you. He wasn't entirely comfortable like he was with you.

And as much as he liked hooking up with her, he missed his best friend. The pretty chubby girl with the cute smile and funniest laugh. The girl who was always down for a lightsaber battle, instead of giving him weird looks. Or make fun of him.

What was it about you that made him like you so much? Why did he miss you when you guys were apart? And why did he feel like he kept hurting you?

Something was happening and he didn't know what it was or what to do about it.

...

The next morning he was still there. You opened your eyes a little and adjusted yourself to get more comfortable in his arms. Just then you felt where his hand actually was.

It was under your shirt, holding on to your overhanging tummy. His finger tips dug slightly into your skin.

You felt the heat race to your face. You picked up his hand and placed it slowly at his side. You laid there for a minute before sitting up. Pulling your shirt down. All the commotion woke him up.

He yawned. " Morning."

" M-morning."

He got up and started getting dressed. You watched as he slid his shirt over his untamed hair. Staring as the shirt fell down his thin but slightly muscular back.

You bit your lip to hold back the moan.

" Hey so uhhh want to watch a movie tonight?" He asked while putting on his jacket.

" What no plans with the Mrs?" You tried joking.

" No no. She has the cheer thing out of town.*

You rolled your eyes. "Oh."

He turned around and gave you his perfect grin. "What'd say?"

How could you say no to that beautiful creature. " I'll pick up the Evil Dead and head over after work."

" Oh hell yeah! But I have a request." He said while jumping on the bed.

You raised your brow and laughed a little.

He pouted. " Can you please make me some cookies?"

You giggled and nodded. He thanked you by giving you a hug and left.

A bit of happiness started to fill you. It felt like things were going back to normal.

If only.

...

Your shift at the video store went so good. You never noticed how awesome Robin and Steve were. They bickered like a married couple. But, they were so funny.

You always wondered why Steve and Nancy broke up. Not that you didn't like Johnathan or anything. You just thought there was a strong connection there. You knew that Steve's need to hook up with girls was to get over Nancy. But deep down. He was really great. And extremely attractive.

" So any plans tonight?" Robin nudged you.

"Uh just gonna watch a movie with a friend."

"L/n. You got a date?" Steve asked while munching on a red vine.

" Ha no. I'm hanging out with Munson."

He nearly spat. " The freak?"

Robin smacked him hard upside the head. "That's her best friend dumbass."

"GEEZ IM SORRY!" He said while rubbing the back of his head.

You said smiling at Robin. " He's not a freak."

...

You sat listening to Eddie practice the riff in Master of Puppets but he got so frustrated when he kept messing up.

You stood up and held out your hand. " C'mon bud. Let's watch the movie."

The night was so great. You two laughing at how bad the movie was. But it was so bad that it was good. You leaned yourself against him, putting your legs up on the couch. He put his arm around you to get comfortable.

While eating cookies and kettle corn, you both laugh at Ash. Suddenly, you heard the door unlocked and open up.

Wayne must have gotten off early. You both thought.

But no. Sara walked in.

Eddie got up and went to lift her, spinning her around once then put her back down.

You sat up and put your shoes on. She has a key? I don't even have a key.

You exchanged pleasantries. And though Eddie tried to convince you to stay and finished the movie, you said that they should spend some time together.

You would have said anything to get the hell out of there.

So you went leave and saw that it had just started to snow. The first snowfall was always so beautiful. It felt like magic. Except when it got all slushy after because it was too warm to stick.

You bundled up and put on your gloves when the door to the trailer opened and Sara stepped out.

" Hey y/n?"

You turned around. " Y-yeah?"

" I need you to back off of Eddie bear."

Uhhhhh what?

"Excuse me?" You asked, shocked at her boldness. But also surprised that she knew your name.

She crossed her arms. " I see the way you look at him. You need to stop. It's kinda pathetic. And it's bad enough that he brings you up all the time."

You scoffed and shook your head. " We're just friends. I promise."

"I don't care what you are. Just back off."

You scoffed a laugh and wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. And you were about to when Eddie came out.

"Oh shit! It's snowing. Hey y/n hold on, I'll drive you home." He said.

" It's cool Munson. I need to burn off the calories I just ate." You replied before getting on your bike and riding away.

The journey home was cold but you needed it. You were so upset that you thought maybe if your heart stopped beating that it wouldn't hurt so much. Again pushing the feelings of jealousy away.

Eddie watched as you took off. " Hey babe what happened with y/n?"

Sara pulled him back into the trailer. " Oh nothing. Just telling her to be careful."

He looked out the window to see you peddling away.

Get home safe pretty girl.

...

You didn't see Eddie for a while after that. You tried on Thanksgiving. To no avail.

You went to the Munson's trailer to drop off some food for Wayne and Eddie like you have done for the past 4 years. But Eddie wasn't there. Wayne said that he missed you being around. You explained how you had to work a lot because of the holidays.

He understood but still expressed how much he missed Sunday breakfast.

...

The following Monday was always great after Thanksgiving. Teachers put a hold on the assignments and quizzes so the kids could get back to norm.

You decide to eat lunch at the picnic table in the woods where Eddie normally would deal. You couldn't bring yourself to go to the Hellfire table today.

You stopped by your locker to drop off a couple of books first and to grabbed your leftover thanksgiving turkey salad. Eddie came over and leaned up on the lockers next to yours.

" Thank you soooo much for the food. It was amazing. And oh that apple pie." He brought his fingers to his mouth and did a chef's kiss. " I had to fight for the last piece."

You smiled. You loved cooking for them. It always made you feel so good. "Well I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oh where were you by the-"

" Hey freak your pig got out." A feminine voice called out from a crowd of people.

You then heard the pig noises. Eddie quickly jumped in front of you so you couldn't see who said it.

He tried to get you to look at him. " Just ignore it."

You stood on your tippy toes to look at her over his shoulder.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? MUNSON MOVE!"

He didn't and kept trying to block your view of her.

You were beyond pissed and not because she called you a pig.

" ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" You said out of straight anger." MUNSON, FUCKIN' MOVE!"

You tried to step to the side but he kept intervening.

" Oh miss piggy you didn't hear me?" Sara sneered.

He grabbed your wrists. You tried to fight him to let go but he was holding on too tight.

" Woah freak didn't you get the memo. No livestock on school grounds." Jason Carver spit out, laughing with the others.

You could see Eddie's jaw clench in your peripheral, but he didn't say anything.

" Listen here you piece of-"

You weren't able to finish because Eddie pulled you by one of your wrist. Dragging you outside. You resisted but he was a lot stronger than he looked.

While pulling you through the doors and down the steps, you could tell he was furious.

" LET ME GO EDWARD!" You snarled through your teeth.

Eddie never heard your voice like that before. So he let go and turned to you. Your face unreadable.

You shook your head at him and stormed off through the football field, into the woods. Heading to the picnic table.

You paced back and forth. Mumbling to yourself. Trying to make sense of the whole situation.

Then you heard crunching of leaves and glanced over. Eddie was there, arms crossed. You looked away and kept pacing. You stopped and open your mouth to say something but nothing came out. So you closed it and kept going.

" You know you're so painfully shy. It honestly makes it hard to be your friend."

His words stung like salt in a wound.

You didn't mean it. You really didn't mean to say it. It just came out like vomit. "Then don't be."

He chuckled. " Pfff. What?"

You stopped and glared at him." Then don't be my friend Munson."

He shook his head and laughed at the dumb comment. " You're being stupid."

That's it!

" I'm being stupid. Seriously? Me?" Your body trembled with anger as you continued. "You're the one who's dating miss perfect in there. You're the one hiding your fucking relationship...You know, I always wondered why I never saw you two together during school. The sex can't be that damn good. She must have a really nice vag for you to be that fucking pathetic."

He furrowed his brow. "Why do you care where I put my dick huh? Why the hell are you freaking out so damn bad?"

You shook your head. " Because I'm your friend. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than her. You know you do."

He scoffed. "Well you're being a real shitty friend right now."

You damn near gasped. "I'm the shitty friend! Me?! How am I the shitty friend when you're the one who LIED! And keeps lying to me."

You looked at him and you could see that your words hurt him. But you didn't care. He promised he would never lie to you. However, that's all he did now.

A few seconds passed and neither one of you said anything. You put your hands in your pockets and started marching off.

He rolled his eyes. "We're not done talking about this y/n."

" I am." You said coldly as you passed him.

You heard his feet moving after you. While still walking you looked over your shoulder.

"DON'T follow me. Hell...don't bother talk to me again."

Eddie stopped and watched you walk away. You couldn't have meant that. Yet again, he had never pissed you off this bad before. And you never hurt him like this either.

He was so frustrated that he kicked a tree and went to sit at the bench.

He then buried his face in his hand. " God damn y/n! Why can't you just see my side?"

...

@eddiethesexy

@hevanleigh

@strangerthings64

@lacrymosa-24

#joseph quinn x plus size reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson x female original character #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x plus size reader #stranger things #joe quinn #joseph quinn #fanfic #eddie my beloved #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x y/n #eddie smut #eddie x plus size reader #eddie x oc #eddie x you #plus size reader #eddie munson series

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icaruskey · 2 years ago

Text

Congratulations, you've made a point stupid enough for someone to tell me and for me to unblock you. I'm just going through this line by line because this is the only way my ADHD can handle it rn.

I’m only talking about the reactionary elements among trans men

I see you learned how to use qualifiers now, after someone called you out for being a fucking nonce in your last post. Here's the thing, if you're wanting to call a group out in a place where people can see it and respond to it as they see fit, you gotta be specific. Kill all men? Congrats, now you've lumped in trans men with that. All lesbians are TERFS? Excellent, now the majority of lesbians are mad at you.

You did the same thing in that post, and since you've been called out on it you can't even be bothered to apologize.

the most active and heinous of whom will need to experience revolutionary violence

I'm just bookmarking this for later

If we are to overthrow male dominance,

I'm going to assume you mean the patriarchy and you're not totally ignoring how race and class and mental and physical health and poverty and etc etc etc intersect in such a way that in fact makes all but a very, very small group of men actually have any power.

I mean, you're not a libfem right? You're a gender abolitionist that isn't a TERF yeah? So you of all people should be aware of how much the patriarchy crushes men as well as women.

we will not do it with sentiments. If we are to stop those who perpetrate reactionary violence, including that which is enacted on trans men, it will not be with sentiments.

First, love the fact that trans men are an afterthought in your mind. Secondly, so? Sentiments, sentiments, sentiments? Stop blowing smoke up people's asses with your talk and speak plainly. The fuck you talking about? Or is this just propaganda speech to make yourself feel better?

That included the attention of a particular individual who I responded to, and then made a few angry posts about. That individual was a detransitioned former trans man who is a t-rf and an anti-Semite.

Funny how you are now acknowledging that your generalized posts about trans men is about a single individual that, until I called you out, you kept calling a libfem. Funny that I did like 15 minutes of poking around and got more of a complete picture than you did.

We cannot meet those who are in the enemy camp with baseless calls to unity among the transsexual or queer “family”, baseless calls to in effective “non-violent” strategies that kill people every day with their ineffectiveness to overthrow the violent regime around us.

More propaganda, nothing words.

If trans men are in the progressive camp

"If" is very telling of your feelings about trans men.

But those trans men who are regressive, those who are reactionary (abusers, transmisogynists, etc.) will have to be repressed.

The way you're talking is just oh so frustrating so I'm gonna try and translate for the sake of my own brain.

Trans men who are shitty people need to be... repressed? Okay, I don't get what you're trying to say here. Repress their identity? Their platform? Their lives? Because a lot of people do all of those things for a variety of reasons. Personally, I think anyone who is spreading a harmful message should be made to step down from public platforms if they have a platform that is listened to. And I also think that it's worth responding to (some) people whose views and actions actively undermine other people's lives not because we will be able to change their opinion but as a way to show those who have been hurt by that rhetoric or are on the fence that there is actually an open set of arms on the side that embraces their humanity.

It's rather why I'm responding to you actually.

You all understand repressing cis lesbians who are “t-rf,” and oppressing those who are not but who you label as such.

Actually, some of the most vocal trans men and masculine aligned individuals on this website push back hard against the idea of labelling people with roles they themselves do not express. TERF is a very specific type of person. Someone can be a transphobe and a feminist, or a transphobe and general asshole. But TERF is a very specific type of transphobe who uses bioessentialism to exclude trans women from their "club" based off their AGAB being the "violent" gender and belittle, dehumanize, and ostracize AFAB people who have "chosen" to leave their club.

So why are you opposed to analysis of the class factors that shape particular groups of trans men in negative directions?

We're not. One of my favorite blogs says as much (sorry, I won't be linking him since I don't see you making any response in good faith and he doesn't need the potential harassment), talking about how he's in a female dominated career and finds that with a certain customer, he's the only that's treated seriously. I've talked about how as the only trans person (+white +transmasc) in my program I end up being a voice of authority for subjects that quite frankly I have to actively outsource to online sources to give nuanced, expanded answers.

The group of trans masc bloggers I'm a part of have actively ousted certain toxic people from our friend groups and have actively discouraged negative behavior from our followers. We call each other out and act as an extra set of eyes to make sure we're not being stupid and blinded by our own biases, subconscious or otherwise.

You know what makes us clam up? Your next post, which I will post in whole below before taking it apart as well:

Some trans men are blinded by male privilege. Some trans men are not. Those who are envious of cis male status like to act as if there is no problem when the worst elements among them shoot and kill children, abuse their (usually more marginalized) partners, and explicitly join the t-rf movement, the alt right, and other enemies of the great majority of trans people. Whether it is a school shooting, as recently occurred, or a former trans man t-rf as is happening constantly, trans women are left to pay the consequences while a great many trans men pretend it’s just a deranged individual, or else make excuses and choose halfhearted, wishy-washy tactics where trans men or former trans men are involved while ruthlessly going after trans women for “tr-nsmisandry” and in general exacerbating the whole situation with aggressive and essentially adventurist (if we extend the use of this term to the internet where they are so emboldened) tactics towards the t-rfs.

Some trans men are blinded by male privilege. Some trans men are not.

Congratulations, you have basically said nothing here. Some people are x, some people aren't. This is basically true for everything and everyone. Except for death I suppose. There is no isn't for human mortality. There just is.

Those who are envious of cis male status like to act as if there is no problem when the worst elements among them

I was going to just let this go into the full statement but it's very long and very angry and you are putting a lot of assumptions on a massive group of people. 1.6 million people in the US alone identify as transgender --- and of those 1.6 million, 35% of them identify strictly as trans men (38% trans women, 25% nonbinary). That's 480,000 people in the US alone, 18+ alone, that you're generalizing here.

shoot and kill children,

You're talking about the school shooter, aren't you?

abuse their (usually more marginalized) partners,

Source?

and explicitly join the t-rf movement,

??? Do you have someone specific in mind, or are you generalizing from the detransitioned TERF from earlier?

the alt right,

Two words: Blaire White

and other enemies of the great majority of trans people.

Again, nearly half a million adults in the US alone identified as a trans man and you're generalizing this entire population into this. Why?

Might it be because we identify as... men?

Very gender abolitionist of you.

Whether it is a school shooting, as recently occurred,

Yeah, I figured you were talking about this. There's been four mass shootings committed by openly trans people, and two of them were trans men. If there's a backlash against trans women (and there's a backlash against trans men btw. The whole testosterone is poison and ruining our women thing again. Which you would recognize as awful if you actually stopped and thought for a moment instead of saying empty words), it's because trans men are hyperinvisible in mainstream media. Which is a... problem. You know how that's a problem? A bad thing? Right? Being erased constantly isn't exactly a privilege. Or do you think the opposite?

or a former trans man t-rf as is happening constantly,

You can't fucking blame half a million people for someone who is no longer part of the community. Do you think she joined the trans masc community and somehow got brainwashed into identifying as a woman and sipping the hate all men and "men" juice? How the fuck does that make sense?

The only way the trans (general) community is to blame is by us not providing more support for questioning and detransitioning siblings. But right now you're basically doing this:

while a great many trans men pretend it’s just a deranged individual, or else make excuses and choose halfhearted, wishy-washy tactics where trans men

what

here is where I fucking lost all faith that you were at least incredibly misguided in the way you're talking about trans masculinity and men in general. I don't like labelling people, but I can tell you what your behavior is reminiscent of.

TIRF

trans inclusive radical feminist.

What is a TIRF? Glad you asked!

Basically it's all the worst parts of radical feminism (which tbh is p much all of it really as it just flattens all nuance into an us vs them narrative and basically thinks turning the patriarchy into a matriarchy is the solution---really oversimplifying here but let's not get into nearly 50 years of history rn) but "trans women are women" so you get a coat of queer approved paint.

You aren't a gender abolitionist. If you were, genuinely, you would not hate men the way you do. You would realize that gender as a social construct hurts fucking everyone and very few people benefit from it in any way. You'd recognize the nuance of privilege and the fact that a lot more than your genitals or your gender identity goes into how people treat you.

But this? By seeing trans men condemning the Nashville shooter while also pushing for his name and pronouns to be respected, you think we're ignoring him?

Should we condemn trans women for the baeddels from 2013, for Jessica Yaniv, Blaire White, Caitlyn Jenner? If you say no, then why are you demanding all trans men to lay on their swords for another bad person?

or former trans men

WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS LEFT THE COMMUNITY.

are involved while ruthlessly going after trans women for “tr-nsmisandry”

"ruthlessly"

Talking about our own problems and then getting defensive when we're told our problems aren't real and/or responding to derogatory comments in a tag we created to discuss said problems is more like.

Or do you think a nearly year long harassment campaign against an individual is justified because he's a man and they're two women?

and in general exacerbating the whole situation with aggressive and essentially adventurist (if we extend the use of this term to the internet where they are so emboldened) tactics towards the t-rfs.

So says the person who told a TERF they should be shot.

I'm torn on whether to reblock you or not. I'm pretty irritated and I know nothing is gonna happen to change your mind. Your sentiments on men, masculinity, and manhood are clear.

Like I said, I'm not going to label you. You remind me of a TIRF though, and as someone who was forced to stop calling themself a gender abolitionist because of the ties to TERF ideology, you're definitely not that either.

Since people are making an issue of it, I’m only talking about the reactionary elements among trans men, the most active and heinous of whom will need to experience revolutionary violence.

If we are to overthrow male dominance, we will not do it with sentiments. If we are to stop those who perpetrate reactionary violence, including that which is enacted on trans men, it will not be with sentiments.

Seeing as I have a post going around, it attracted some attention. That included the attention of a particular individual who I responded to, and then made a few angry posts about. That individual was a detransitioned former trans man who is a t-rf and an anti-Semite.

If trans men are in the progressive camp then I will welcome them as comrades. If they are moderate, then I will try and ideologically and politically educate them. But those trans men who are regressive, those who are reactionary (abusers, transmisogynists, etc.) will have to be repressed. You all understand repressing cis lesbians who are “t-rf,” and oppressing those who are not but who you label as such. So why are you opposed to analysis of the class factors that shape particular groups of trans men in negative directions?

#transandrophobia #long post

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