#stop being so damn pretentious

[hecksupremechips]

It is annoying the people on that friend breakup finale poll who think that just cuz grace/simon are cartoon characters they’re like. Just obviously lesser and there’s no way their story could be as crazy or complicated as the characters from the live action horror show and that everyone who wants them to win is a childish loser who only watches baby shows and therefore has invalid opinions

[ninjasmudge]

shoutout to bitches who sounded soo pretentious when they were kids because they used too many long words in writing/schoolwork bc they genuinely didnt know how else to get the point across

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Demetri Alexopoulos ;_____;

It's a unique type of frustration when you agree that a character is deeply flawed but other people keep missing what's actually wrong with them and assigning them new flaws that they don't even have it's like free my man he did none of that. He did a bunch of other shit tho.

[plastic-oasis]

Plastic oasis homestuck au…

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

[sirenium]

if you even think about voting third party fuck you, shut the fuck up, vote blue. I am not the first to say this but in America there is no fucking choice other than red or blue. Vote blue. Vote blue, or human rights are fucked. Being genuinely serious. If Trump or some other republican clown gets into office we all might as well throw in the towel for all the basic rights and quality of life we'll get.

"oh but Kamala's a cop!" I am being so serious when I say I couldn't care less when the alternative is forced detransition. Get your head out of your ass and stop playing pretend and acting like there's a feasible choice other than democrats, because there fucking isn't. Transition changed my life for the better, and I am facing the possibility of having to throw that all away because some pretentious fucks decided to split the damn vote more JUST for Trump to be elected. I don't care if I'm in a blue state, because I have enough brain cells and basic decency to see that not everyone IS; if you want to gamble the lives of queer people and anyone who isn't a cishet white male just for a huff of moral superiority, I genuinely hate you. It fills me with so much fucking rage that people can just pretend their precious third option will do SHIT. IT WON'T.

Fucking GOD. Anyways, this has been a PSA to vote blue or you have blood on your hands. :3

[fatale-distraction]

BG3 Companions Social Media Headcanons Part 1

I was bored at work and couldn’t stop. 🤣 I’ll make another post with Halsin, Minthara, Jaheira, Minsc, and some NPCs!

~~~

Astarion - Pre-Tav, Astarion's social media is mostly thirst-traps for some kind of nefarious, Cazador-related money-making plot. They barely scoot past the TOS on lewd content. Very little real personal content, anything that isn't a thirst trap is heavily doctored lifestyle content to make it seem like he's living a much more luxurious life than he actually is.

After meeting Tav and getting rid of Cazador, he deletes all of his old accounts and opens up new ones. They're not exactly private, but he's much more careful about who he follows and who can follow him back. The posts become much more genuine. Still a lot of selfies, but they're sexy in the way of a guy just finally living his truth and being comfortable in his own skin. There's more shots of his daily life; waking up with his partner's obnoxious pets strewn across the bed, morning coffee and his current favorite book, new outfits that make him feel more himself. Tav features heavily in most of his posts, and there are probably as many pictures of them as there are of himself.

Karlach - chaos. No rhyme or reason. Lots of parkour and Jack-ass parodies. Constant flood of pictures of her stuffed animal collection. Stupid filters abound. There's several videos of her just flexing. Lumberjack videos. Seven hundred pictures of Tav, tons of selfies together. Videos of her literally sobbing over some cute stuffy she found or a dog she got to pet. "How many times can I say the fuck word before I get suspended." Memes. Memes everywhere.

Lae'zel - She follows three accounts and never posts anything, but somehow she's constantly scrolling through. What does she even do? Her profile picture is still the default. She doesn't have any profile information filled out. It just says "No." Her screen name is just Lae_zel. Every single item in her favorites is a cat video. She has One photo and its a gym selfie. All of her comments seem really mean at first, but they're all weirdly supportive things along the lines of "your teeth are sharp and your visage terrifying".

Shadowheart - total E-girl influencer vibe. Everything is #nofilter. She doesn't need filters. She's god's most perfect princess. You can't even be mad because it's not vanity its just how she Is. Ends everything with Prayer-hands-emoji hashtag Shar'sblessings or Selune'sblessings depending on where she is in that journey. Hairstyle and makeup tutorials and she makes it look so damn easy. "Dye my hair and cut my bangs with me." "Get ready with me" videos nearly every day. Every picture has a comment from Astarion that just says "oh fuck off" because even he can never hope to be as perfect as she is. Or at least that's what her forty-five thousand followers think.

Wyll - The official Blade of the Frontier social media account(s). Fencing videos and promos. "How to polish your horns for newbies" video that's been taken down twenty-seven times for lewd content even though it's literally for polishing actual horns. Accidental thirst traps because damn. Lots of disability advocacy, especially for visual impairments. Weekly Demon/Devil PSAs. Constantly featured in Karlach's vids and vice-versa. Buddy selfies. Once in a while a pic of him with his dad. Pics with Tav are rare, but when he does post them they're the sweetest pictures and he gushes about them for paragraphs. It's a little gross how gushy they are. Astarion comments with vomit emojis and Wyll just replies with an angry face emoji. The purest content. He's so wholesome. Not a swear to be seen. Lots of gentle hype videos. "You've got this. You can do this. I believe in you."

Gale - oh my god he has the most pretentious social media accounts. He's worse than Astarion. "Well, actually" videos with multiple parts because they're too long. Tea and bookshelves. Tara. So many pics of Tara. Tara napping on a book. Tara swatting a fly. Tara in the window. Tara on the kitchen counter. Tara laying in the sun. Tara doing nothing. He has one of those fancy cat terrarium backpacks. Magic tutorials. Mystra simp. Surprisingly few selfies but the ones he has are IMMACULATE. Pretentious book reviews. His only saving grace is that he is HILARIOUS. He's the only one with a reasonable about of pics with Tav as opposed to almost none or way too many, but the captions are always really sweet.

~~~

Part 2 here!

Part 3 here!

Part 4

[neiptune]

slithered here from eden, just to sit outside your door

cw: 700wc, female reader, modern au, sanemi is your grumpy situationship on the verge of becoming more, i squeezed in a lil surprise :) sponsored by the angel that is @strawberrystepmom who put her trust in my writing and contributed to @ficsforgaza!

“What?”

You smile at the faux harshness, the embarrassment Sanemi still tries to clumsily conceal to no avail.

“That was very sweet of you” part of you wishes you still had the pink phone you used to keep in your room as a teen, just to twirl the landline cord around your finger.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Really? So I guess it was a total coincidence that your younger brother stopped by to bring what looked like a homemade soba noodle stir fry”

There’s silence on the other end of the line, a cautious pause. You know he’s pondering whether to keep up his dumb act, point out that they were evidently homemade or simply admit the obvious truth.

Sanemi clears his throat and chooses a secret fourth option, sidetracking.

“I’ve been stuck in stupid meetings all day. He happens to know you’re always too tired to fix yourself something to eat when you’re back from a business trip”

You giggle.

“Genya is the one who knows that?”

“Not hard to guess. You’re notoriously lazy”

“Careful now, Shinazugawa”

He deflates, a stupidly big hand running through silver locks, ruffling them up in the stressful process.

“I—” you think you hear a quiet murmur, something strangely similar to god fucking damn it “—they were homemade”

“I know they were” you can’t fight off the exasperated, smitten smile rising to your lips “thank you”

“Whatever” he gruffly mumbles “had a good trip?”

You hum, indulge in small talk that is still somehow safe territory for whatever it is you two are. Friends with benefits doesn’t really apply to the situation anymore, the friends part making you scrunch up your nose, heavily outweighed by the benefits part for some time now.

But there’s more to it. It’s in the way you stay over to take care of him when he’s sick, knowing all too well you’re gonna get sick in turn. It's in the way his hands hesitate when he greets you at the office each day, they're always aching to rise up and cradle your sweet face to kiss your lips good morning. Just like he’s been doing more and more often, in the comfort of his apartment, kisses and breakfasts a consequence of arms wrapping around you at night, to stop you from leaving.

While it feels like you’re both tiptoeing around something that started with no formal agreements and only a handful of boundaries, while you wonder if Sanemi is ever going to take the initiative with the same confidence he claims you in private, there’s only so much time you can spend exhausting yourself with silly questions.

“Hey, Nemi, what are you up to right now?”

“Hmm?” he doesn’t complete the grumpy story of how lavishly they were forced to greet a potential new partner visiting from Tokyo just that morning, some pretentious guy called Satori or Satoru “was reading a book when you called, why?”

“So, hypothetically speaking, if I was just outside you would open the door, right?”

There’s a pause and your cheeks are already hurting from how much you’re smiling. You can hear how he throws himself off the couch and toward the door, he swings it open right as the line goes silent, the reliance in that lavender stare not faltering for a second. Sanemi always believes you, doesn't ever spend useless seconds wondering if you're being serious or not. If you wanted to convince him that the sun wouldn’t rise anymore unless he kissed you, he’d click his tongue and gravely argue that he’d never want to leave the earth in the dark for a second too long.

“What are you doin’ here?” he’s already pulling you inside, tugging at the hem of your lilac skirt, features softening as it always happens when you’re there to give him a reason “thought we were supposed to go out later tonight”

“I wanted to see you. Tonight was too far away in time” you grin when Sanemi playfully rolls his eyes and lazily wrap your arms around his neck as he shuts the door behind you with a kick.

“That’s not very patient of you” he mumbles into the curve of your shoulder, words barely audible from how tightly he has you enveloped in his arms, tight enough to squeeze a little oof and an airy laugh out of you.

“Forgive me, but I’m not feeling very patient right now” you whisper back, tousling your fingers through his hair. You’re pretty sure Sanemi conceals a groan against your skin, or he tries to, as he pulls you flush against his hard body.

“Neither am I”

[indiweb]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ SEXCAPADES ON THE HOOD ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀feat. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ satoru gojō.

⠀⠀⠀" winning yet another glorious victory , satoru takes ⠀⠀⠀ home two prizes ; you , and a fat ass wad of cash. "

<– [ BACK ] : HOME [ NEXT ] : MLIST ㅤ→

明示的 ⌇ nsfw. fem!reader. pwp. criminal activity. car chase. drug mentions. intoxication influence. piv. public sεx. overstimulation. manhandling.⠀ ( wc. 1.7k )

SINCERELY , YOURS TRULY Ξ ©INDIWEB, 2024

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⭒

ACT ONE⠀|⠀1:06 AM

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Nights with your boyfriend , the infamous Satoru “Speeddemon” Gojo , were an entire whirl wind of their own. there was no telling whether or not you’d end up propped atop his shoulders with the entirety of his team cheering both of you on for yet another one of his victories he scored in his pretentious Nissan Skyline GT-R R34. or , being high off your ass from hitting multiple blunts on Shoko’s tits that you could barely configure where you even were to begin with. and , in this case , you were caught in both scenarios.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀though , at first , your night started off like any other ordinary college students. you were propped up on your bed ; laid on your stomach , with your lecture books all open scattered around you , your mind entirely focused on finishing the past due assignments you had. thanks to the fresh blunt you’d taken a few hits from prior , courtesy of the woman herself (Shoko).

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀her and the guys weren’t in college like you , they were a bit older. but they knew the struggles of studying ‘til one am just to barely pass the upcoming test. so , she offered you something to let off steam while you were being the diligently hard working student you were.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you’d been mid-reading when a box shot through your peeked open window , startling you near death all the while a slight yelp hurdled from your once sealed plump lips. a few chuckles from outside your window were followed by your actions , your body absentmindedly pushing yourself off the mattress to go see what exactly was thrown into your room. when you observed it , a snarky eye roll was seen dancing it’s way across your face prior to tossing the box onto your bed.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you swore it was the frat boys attempting to mess with you again , much like they’ve been doing since forever , but the minute your eyes laid upon the familiar thin-laced piece of blue lingerie you were eyeballing while out with Satoru , you knew damn well who was laughing outside your third story window.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" fucking asshole! don’t scare me like that! " you whisper-yelled at your lover , a wink and kissy face being sent your way as he had an arm wrapped around Suguru’s shoulders ; the one person who’d genuinely be your only competition for Satoru’s love.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" m’sorry , baby , just wanted to surprise you , " a lighthearted chuckle seethed into his words , earning yet another eye roll from yours truly.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the skimpy little pink blouse you wore as pajamas briskly blew with the wind that pierced through your window , Satoru narrowing his eyes at you to get back inside before Suguru saw something that was solely reserved for him.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a leering grin shaped Suguru at the sight , you laughing at how it didn’t even take a second before Satoru took notice and burried his fist into Suguru’s chest. the man was well aware of the fact Suguru had absolutely no chance with you , you both saw one another as siblings. but that didn’t stop you from enjoying how protective Satoru was and fucking with him about it.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀regardless , Suguru had a woman of his own that he’d destroy the world for , anyways. he had no interest in meddling with his best friends profound love for you when his dearest Yasmin awaited his arrival at the lot.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" get dressed , we got a D-R , "

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" and what makes you think i’d wanna go? " you protested out of spite , knowing damn well you loved street races just as much as he did. maybe even more.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a deadpan stare was shot your way from Satoru , the man tilting his head at your persistence all the while Suguru stood idly ; chuckles sounding their way into your altercation.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" don’t make me drag your ass to my car , " he bickered , Suguru , much like always , entertained by your arguments.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" ay dío- cálmate , maldito culo. " ( oh my- calm down you fucking ass. )

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀just to piss him off , you wore your cutest skin-tight outfit that flaunted each and every beautiful curve you had to offer. it was your signature style. the look that had Satoru turning in your direction in the first place. him , plus everyone else in the lot , including Shoko herself. but , that was a whole different story to unfold.

⠀

SHE’S BLOODY, SHE’S SWEET,

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𐚁֙

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ SHE’S STRAWBABY JAM !

⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀your nights were always some form of a blur any time you accompanied Satoru at the lot. they seemingly consisted of being surrounded by Shoko and taking shots with her friends , joining Aoi and the other freshman at your school in a hot box session before alas finding yourself perkily propped along Satoru’s shoulders whilst he’s praised and cheered for winning yet another D-Race. it was bound to happen. he’s never lost a single competition. at least , not while you’ve been dating him. only people who’re even close to being on-par with him are Shoko and Suguru , yet they’ve never been able to beat him. only close enough.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀and , much like every other eventful night with the man , he takes you home around three am. you can’t help but lay your head against the door , engulfed in the suffocating wind that blows past every fiber on your body. the intoxicating odor that’s melted into the breezes doesn’t help your semi-empty stomach either , the stench of fresh barbecue being roasted in the night markets you’re zipping by.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Satoru’s hand rests tediously along your exposed thigh , pinky pushing its limits and vaguely rubbing the thin layer of skin that resides beneath the brim of your shorts.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀however , this time around , the night officers were on-watch even more cautiously that before. they thought they’d be able to tail down the one man who had every department in the continent in shambles. they had balls , you had to give them that. it was humorous seeing them barely being able to keep up with Satoru meandering between lanes. you couldn’t help but let out a few slurred giggles , your noises being music to the man’s ears as he sped up his chase and started drifting corners to get away.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you adored fast cars and Satoru knew that all too well. he always jumped at the opportunity to drive fast , so when he heard your murmured noises , he didn’t hesitate not one second to shoot from 100 to 180k.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the adrenaline rush you got from the small chase alone would kill a victorian child , but the actions that followed after you lost them in a crowd would massacre an entire bloodline.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Satoru had you sprawled out along the hood of his precious beauty , upper body hunched over to meet your face all the while you two ravaged each others mouths. sparks shot from the top layer of your lips , and you couldn’t tell if it was from the erotic tension that surged the air around you , or the mixture of drugs and alcohol that ran miles through your bloodstream.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀either way , you could care less because it made everything so much hotter. especially with how puttered stammers of whines extruded Satoru’s lips with each pump you dragged along the girth of his base. your savage and hunger-filled kisses were matched with slow and leisured strokes edging his pulsating erection. you couldn’t lie , his pathetic noises had every hair on your body standing like pin needles. you wanted more. you needed more. you craved to have him buried so deep in you that he’d get lost in undoubted rapture.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀so that’s exactly what he did.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀he filled you up oh-so perfectly. like you were hand crafted by the gods just to be his cocksleeve. his own personal fleshlight that he could mold into the shape of his dick with every thrust. and you’d gladly let him do as he pleased. you wanted him just as much as he needed you. you loved being stuffed with his dick , like a pig at a carne asada on a breezy summer day.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you adored how he handled you with such care through his hands , fingertips breaking skin along your plump thighs all the while he abused your greedy cunt relentlessly. the only thing you could possibly do was interlock your slender fingers in his luscious curls , pleas and cries of mercy sputtering through every other hiccup that choked through. Satoru matched them with tender pecks along your jawline , fingers raking the delicate skin on his shoulder blades every time his hips kissed your own.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀missionary wasn’t typically your cup of tea , but whenever he spread your legs open so perfectly just so he had access to fuck you balls deep , your mind was too much of a mushed mess to protest otherwise. all you could do was obediently take all of it whilst your hazed eyes stared up at the starry-night sky that decorated the view above.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it never mattered how many rounds you went , Satoru wasn’t going to stop until you uttered the safe word you two had come up with. you could paint his dick an entire new shade of white , and he’d still meet your hips with his own to shove the juices back into your overwhelmed walls. he could go all day if he had the chance , just as long as you were in undeniable pleasure , he didn’t care. his end of the deal was how you whimpered his name so tenderly , so lovingly , it drove him mad. he wanted you to repeat it every time he rutted into you. if he could he’d fuck you senseless so that the only word you’d be able to utter was his name and his name alone.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀he’d do anything to show you how much he need you like he needed oxygen. whether it be overwhelm your entire being with such pleasure that all you could possibly think about was how his thick erection dragged along your delicious walls , or spoil you in the finest materialistic items that you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⭒

⠀MUCHOS GRACIAS FOR USING ©INDISPACE PROGRAMS

[nonadreamsnworse]

whumper capturing the smart guy of the team. taking away the heart of the team is one thing, they can barely hold it together without someone on morale boosting duty but taking the guy that keeps the whole operation running on a technical level? the team would have extra trouble stopping whumper's plans then, much less getting whumpee back

not to mention there's something about breaking down a whumpee that knows how all these tricks, tactics and torture works. whumpee knows they're being manipulated and slowly just doesn't give a damn anymore. on a logical level, whumpee knows whumper's just trying to break their spirits when they say their team's given up looking for them but is it any different from the fact their team probably can't get them back at all?

not to mention the smart guy is usually the physically weakest and most brittle so whumper really relishes in their cries since whumpee's usually not in the middle of all the action and their pained look is just such a sight for sore eyes. they'd be so defiant at first, whumpee's a smartass and they're being extra pretentious in hopes of the slim chance whumper just gets so annoyed with them they let them go or just kill them already.

and whumpee knows whumper's probably not gonna kill them and they're more valuable to whumper alive than dead but eventually breaks and tells whumper whatever information they're trying to coax out of whumpee and eventually whumpee just hopes whumper's actually gonna go through with pulling the trigger already but the threat of more pain and hurt in place of death still does the trick whenever whumper needs something from whumpee.

[deconstructivesurgery]

listen i haven't posted seriously in long-form about bg3 in a hot minute but i've been getting back into it bit by bit and i'm still on my gale and astarion shit.

not the "they hate each other but they love each other" stuff or the "toxic yaoi" (although it is funny to me sometimes) dynamic people seem to typically slap onto them, but rather just- whether you wish to see it in a romantic light or not- the pure potential for a true bitchy wine aunt relationship that lies there.

not only do i think they genuinely like each other in a surprisingly uncomplicated way at times despite how complicated both of them are personally, i will die on the hill of them just being... a bit snobbish together. bitching about wine or food that astarion can't even taste (won't stop him from insulting something based on look alone), reading and reviewing books together, perpetually remaining pretentious about architecture and style in distinctly different ways (grand and gothic versus the absolute hullabaloo of softer maximalism that i can see gale enjoying).

i can see in their good endings an outcome where once in a blue moon a vaguely irritable Newly Minted Adventurer/Locally Morally Dubious Hero Astarion Ancunin occasionally manifests his merry little self at one Prof. Gale Dekarios' door because what IS he there for if not to serve as a free-to-access resource of magical aid anytime he encounters some sort of odd curse or magical foe or what-have-you that he isn't well-versed in. who else is going to gleefully and without question provide him with enchanted weapons that most people would look at with concern. to boot, who else is going to provide said things while also being a good conversation partner.

if he happens to dredge up odd magical shit once in a while while he's romping around the country and drops it off at gale's doorstep (chance of spontaneous combustion, mad howling emanating from a haunted amulet, etc. be damned) every so often, it's only fair.

people love the drama that comes with a less stable outcome to their relationship, and that's entirely fair if that's the dynamic that you prefer out of these characters, but i think the potential for just genuine non-spiteful banter and connection is often overlooked. i think, at very least, that they could and should be good lasting friends. send tweet

[widowmaxff]

caught

pairings: yelena belova × fem!reader | natasha romanoff × fem!reader (platonic)

warnings: smut implied (character just being in underwear, kisses on skin, hickeys, nothing gets more intimate than that), getting caught

The low sounds that came out of your mouth and the wet kisses she left across your bust were the only thing that could be heard in her room. She looks at the purple marks left on her girlfriend's body, a growl comes out of her mouth, making your body shudder.

"Can I?" Yelena whispers to you, who smiles before nodding your head in confirmation. Her hands go to the girl's shorts, taking no time to remove them and throw them in a corner somewhere.

She looks up and down the red lingerie her girlfriend wore, giving you a pretentious smile. Your face was as red as the set you were dressing. Your hair was messy, falling on your shoulders, making you look more beautiful than you already are, Yelena thought. But before she could do anything to you, a loud knock on the door made the two of you quickly separate.

"Yelena, can I come in?" It was her sister, Natasha Romanoff, who consequently didn't know about your relationship with Yelena, much less that she liked girls.

"Huh, wait a second!"

You panicked not knowing what to do. She dragged you to the bathroom of her room and closed the door before throwing the girl's clothes under the bed. She tried to fix her hair before taking a deep breath and walking to the door, unlocking it and giving her sister space to enter. "I came to tell you that dinner is ready, everyone is already there."

"Oh! Okay, I won't take long to go." Yelena stutters, making Natasha look at her with furrowed eyebrows. She doesn't say anything else, even giving your girlfriend a confused look before closing the bedroom door. She lets out a deep sigh. The bathroom door opens and your head pokes out. You laughs and walks towards her, seeing how nervous she was. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack in front of my sister."

And before you could even respond, the door opens again with a loud noise, making you both startled. Natasha crosses her arms before walking towards you. Your heart seemed to stop for a second, your throat closed, and tour skin turned pale. "Y/n, I didn't know you were here."

"I was using the bathroom, Nat. But, I heard you perfectly, so let's go to have dinner!" You try to escape but her sister puts herself in front of you, leaving you with no choice but to face her.

"Are you going without your clothes for dinner?" Your cheeks turn pink when you look down and realize that you were only wearing your red set. "Why are you without them?"

"Oh, Y/n was trying on some of my clothes that I no longer wanted to see if she would like them!" Yelena quickly lie, thinking that her sister wouldn't think of anything beyond that.

"You're doing that, Yelena."

"'That' what?"

"When you get nervous, your lips tremble. And when you lie, you can't stop touching your shirt." When her eyes went down, she noticed her fingers were almost white because she was holding her shirt so tightly. Damn, she hated how well sister knew her, of course.

When neither of you responds further, she lets out a deep sigh before looking into both of your eyes. "We're going to have dinner and when you're done eating, I want you two in my bedroom to talk, you hear me?"

Neither of you respond, you just nod your head quickly, waiting for a meteor to fall on the room, because that was so embarrassing that it made you want to die right there in front of your girlfriend's sister.

You wait for something to happen, Natasha continues to stare at Yelena, until she realizes that you need your clothes to go to have dinner. So, she bend down towards her bed quickly taking them in her hands and embarrassedly returning them to you. You thank her with a smile before slipping the shirt over your head and your shorts down your legs.

Natasha sighs before giving the two of you space to leave the room. She follows behind you and your girlfriend, as if she were a private guard. You almost didn't even move, afraid that if you made one wrong move, your girlfriend's sister would kill you right there.

You released the breath you didn't even know you were holding out of your lungs when you reached the dining room. Yelena sat in the chair next to Clint, it didn't take long for Natasha to join her. You sat down next to Wanda, who soon noticed you hyperventilating and bouncing your leg up and down nervously.

"Is everything okay?" She whispers to you. Your head just nods, not trusting your voice at the moment. Dinner passes peacefully, but you can still feel Natasha's gaze on you. As the seconds passed, you became even more nervous and afraid that your girlfriend's sister would jump on your neck at some point.

When people started to leave the table, you started eating faster so that you didn't have to be alone with the two sisters, even if you had to face it at some point. "Hey, calm down. The food isn't going to run off your plate." Natasha's voice made you almost spit out all the food from your mouth. You look up and realize that there are only the three of you in the room. "I'll be waiting for you two in my room." And then, she gets up, but before leaving she gives you both a death glare.

[...]

"It's going to be okay, love." Yelena tells you, kissing your head as an act to try and calm you down.

"Natasha is going to kill me!" you whisper between your panting breaths making your girlfriend laugh. "Shh, she won't. Let's go in so it can all be over quicker."

You almost regret entering the room. Natasha was sitting on her bed with her arms crossed and a look that made you want to run away from that place. Yelena held your hand before walking closer to her sister. "I'm not going to say that I was surprised to see... you almost naked in my sister's room." Your face turns redder than Natasha's hair. "And I'm also not going to say that I didn't suspected about you two. Especially you, Y/n." You once again feel your face heat up in embarrassment.

"But I just wanted to know why you never told me about it?" None of you knew the answer. Maybe you were just scared of her reaction? Or scared of how the outside world would react about two women getting together. "I don't know, Nat." Yelena whispers.

Natasha walks towards the two of you, embracing your bodies together in a tight hug. You feel your girlfriend's body relax with the act, making yours do the same. "I know you two are afraid of what might happen from now on, but know that I will always support you two in whatever you decide, okay?"

"Thanks for understanding, Nat. I really thought you were going to kill me." You joke. Natasha chuckles before leaving a kiss on each of the two of your foreheads. "Know that I will really kill you if you do anything bad to my sister, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

[rdng1230]

Fuck it Friday

tagged by @cliophilyra

this is now pretty much everything I've written for this but here it is and I hope my brain lets me add to it soon. I really miss my mooks guys and my brain is being mean to me and won't let me have it : (

—--

The phone buzzes in Sal’s pocket, him tearing off one of his gardening gloves with his teeth to get the damn touch screen to work. 

“Deluca.” He answers gruffly, pinning the phone between his shoulder and his cheek as he finishes covering up the seeds he’d been in the middle of planting. He hears nothing but deep breathing over the line, wondering if he’s being pranked. Sal’s about to tell them exactly where they can stick their phone when the voice speaks. 

“Hey.” 

Sal’s face twists in confusion. “Tommy!?” He can’t see the time but it’s been dark for hours. There’s no reason he would be calling him right now. Well one reason, but that had stopped a long time ago.  

“What are you doing right now?” He’s so caught off guard he can’t come up with a lie. “Gardening.” He sputters. Tommy lets out a laugh he sounds like he needs. “The hell?! You couldn’t keep the fucking office cactus alive.” 

Sal holds his hand up to his chest in offense. “Listen, Covid changed people alright, the fuck you calling me for, don’t you have that Golden Retriever boyfriend of yours curled up somewhere?”

Tommy’s breath catches and Sal rises to his feet, already pulling up a delivery order for his old friend’s pretentious ass craft beers. “What did you do?” 

NP Tagging: @racerchix21 @bangpop91 @judymarch15 @dadbodbuck @desert--moonchild @marvelousbuckley and whoever else would like to be tagged :)

[leiflitter]

Icarus Descending to the Learned Satyr; or, Felix, stop being so fucking pretentious, why the hell did you commission this anyway?

To see in extra-extra large, click here!

This has absolutely been a bonkers labor of love but DAMN LOOK AT IT. Not bad for a first go at pseudo-baroque-ish-oil-painting-but-digital, right?

[oogaboogaspookyman]

@sm-baby

I COULD BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW BUT MY HEART ACHES

[JUST FOR YOU]

It's been a while, hasn't it?

The office door creaks open

"Heya Pom! Brought back the paper i asked you yesterday?" Jax sounded so cheery. So happy while you just sat there on the chair like a drunkard... Well he's not a romance guy, of course he would be happy on his own. Damn rabbit.

"Not a word? What, still miss Sir Dentures?" He chuckles. He doesn't stop chuckling. What a clown... Thinks the jester. Ironic.

"Hm..."

His smile fades into a sincere frown.

Sigh

"Look here, Pom... It was necessary. He's free, paid for restoring us, we're all good now. No more murder and i got my nice charming scarf back and my favorite brushes, i'm the cool art teacher again!"

"So turn the dumb frown upside down aaaand please give me the paper i asked you? Please and thank you?"

"You're not a romance guy, of course you're fine. [___]hole..."

...

Oh...

"Oh for the love of- the censor is still here?! God darn it, i wanna say the f word for once! I loved doing that!"

You grip onto the table until it began to crack at the memory of him. Him, him, him. That stupid fucking human.

"Pom you may wanna lay off the grip there, i paid a lot for tha-"

A chunk is crushed. Like paper.

...

"Ah..."

Pomni lets go, revealing the chokehold put on the table left a permanent mark.

"Did ya dissociate again? I spoke well 'n clear, i paid a lot for that one!"

"Suck me, rabbit, you can get your s[__]t yourself" Pomni gets up and storms off from the office with no more words.

"Eh... Christ she's not okay..." Jax sighs

"Wonder if things coulda been better?"

Nobody helps at all.

Gangle offered to distract her, have a play, but Pomni wasn't in the mood.

Zooble offered a smoke but she didn't wanna try that kind of stuff.

Bubble is too much of an agent of chaos to give a shit, offered to commit "one (1) arson".

Kinger is just too far gone in his dementia, lucid when it was fucking funny and nothing more...

Nobody helps.

He knew how to help...

Only he knew...

Him...

The door to Ragatha's room creaks open

"Oh hey Pomni! How's your day go... Oh..." Ragatha notices Pomni is not any form of happy, if anything she looks like she's empty inside and wants to die...

"Oh you're not alright... Would you like to talk over tea..?"

"Mm... Will you let me vent properly?" Pomni groaned, still doubting that she won't pull out the whole everything is fine bullshit

"Oh- u-uhm- yes of- of course! Of course, i- i apologize for my past behavior, i really wasn't in my... B- best moments, at the time..." Ragatha stuttered. Don't stutter, you pretentious... ... Anyhow.

"Okay... Do you remember... Caine?" Ragatha already caught wind of the situation...

"The human with the dentures head? Yes, i remember him just fine, he restored us..."

"Yeah..."

"He was a good man, although didn't have the best manners he was alright nonetheless, knew how to make some laugh..." Ragatha and Pomni chuckled at the memory of Caine's wacky way with words. Jumping jellybeans? Seriously? That's a man right there!

A good dude...

"..." Pomni's pupils turned into black scribbles at the thought of him. The chuckling had faded as soon as it started, replaced by...

"I loved that human, if i'm being honest... He knew how to cheer me up, how to make the situation seem less bigger than it actually is... He knew how to kiss, god did he know..." Ragatha let out an "oh my" after hearing Caine kissed her, what else did they do..?!

"He... He was... He's amazing. Just that, amazing..." Pomni sighed, sipping on the tea she's given... "I loved him..." She began to sniff, putting down her cup.

"Oh dearie, come here-" Ragatha put down her cup and welcomed Pomni with open arms, knowing full well she needed to let it out of her system.

And that she did. Pomni got up and hugged Ragatha as tight as she could, and began to sob her lonely heart away, "He loved you too, Pomni, that cannot be denied..." Ragatha spoke as she held Pomni close. The poor jester, so alone...

How ironic.

She has friends, and yet she's lonely.

Caine had filled up a hole nobody could fill, and now that he's gotten out of the game after restoring everyone to their better conditions... That hole is empty once more, a gaping void and nothing to fill it.

How lonely this jester must be...

But it was necessary. He's free now.

[ms-scarletwings]

Endearing through the Alien Lens: A Clue About the Primitive Irken?

I love literary xenobiology. I love it a whole lot, in fact. There’s a paradoxical line I dance across, between criticizing intelligent fictional aliens for their likeness to our species, and criticizing them for their unlikeness. It’s a pretentious and laughable dance between “Come on, the sky’s the limit, there’s no real reason for a bucket of different extraterrestrial races to just all be more flavors of quirky humanoids! Boring, show me something actually alien!!” and the yearn for the use of alien races as a funhouse mirror of mankind’s own evolution. I think the way Irkens nonchalantly dwell somewhere on that subjective tightrope is a good part of why I can’t seem to stop thinking about them.

They are inspired and yet creatively original. They are truly alien, and yet, they can still play foil to the bottomlessly decadent humanity that Vasquez’s Earth has set the stage for.

Before, in the very first brain dump I let loose about them, I noted a few of their parallels to the worst in Homo sapiens and the insects they resemble. This time, something is chewing on me that i haven’t seen another put into perspective. A something that seems contradictory to our collective view of the heartless, sexless, atomized conquerors that all of the cosmos will fear:

They… have parental instincts.

I didn’t necessarily say drives or wants; however, they undeniably havewhat seems to be an actual, instinctual “cuteness response”. Like us, like social pack animals which invest a great deal of resources and time into their young. Given that the closest thing that 100% of smeets born on the home world get to call a parental figure is a literal cold, unfeeling, automated machine, this seems kind of weird, doesn’t it? They’re not even born like mammals or nested like birds, they’re mass produced, like hived wasps or ants, miles beneath their actual society and out of the business of the adults. So, what the heck with them being written to be humanized with this baseless, arbitrary trait?

But, ah ah ah, nitpicker Scarlet, it’s not baseless. It’s only ✨vestigial✨

Y’all could probably make a good guess to what the cuteness response is and why it exists in Homo sapiens, but to sum up- it’s the phenomenon of when we see something we find “cute” and it makes us react to it in a protective, nurturing fashion- or also want to bite/squeeze things, weirdly, if it’s just too damn cute. Well, what do humans find cute? Things that resemble human infants, basically. It’s a biological reflex that makes us want to defend and provide care for our kind’s absurdly dependent and slow-developing young, rather than abandon them in the shrubbery like they’re just screamy, food-leeching paperweights.

“Pff, really? Well I must be special cause I don’t even LIKE babies. I think babies are icky gross, not cute! So, genetic instinct my ass!”

I hear you, sure, but what about… harp seals? Or koalas, or pandas and puppies and fawns and kittens? Or funny little cartoon blorbos? At bare minimum you’d have to be an alien yourself to feel nothing looking at photos of young hedgehogs

See, the fact that a lot of us may often find baby animals a great amount more endearing than even humans’ is not even in conflict with this understanding of cuteness.

The concept of the “baby schema” was formally proposed in 1943 by Konrad Lorenz, an Austrian ethologist. Fun fact is he was also the same researcher who originally observed and described imprinting behaviors, as seen in newly hatched waterfowl. Point is that his “Kindchenschema” idea grouped together a handful of infantile traits that make fireworks go off in the parts of your brain that wants to keep things alive and baby-talk to them. Included on the list were features like proportionally large heads, big eyes, round faces, short noses, etc. despite the name, the baby schema’s effect is something applied not to just actual babies, but children generally, and even in our reactions to non-human animals.

It’s the hypothesis behind both why we’ve jacked up the skulls of so many small dog breeds in the name of aesthetics and why we generally find the portraits on the left side of this image more appealing to look at than the ones on the right.

The consistency of these features across many species may also give some hint that they experience a similar phenonemon, especially given that these are traits shared among bird or mammalian offspring which require significant attention and protection to survive. And, it may also explain why this image likewise gives me a huge dose of that sweet, sweet response.

Awww, look at that lil’ mans! Look at his teeny noodle arms!! I just wanna pinch him like a marshmallow!

YOU are not immune to cuteness psychology, and neither are the proud Irken warriors. I’m going to cite Zim’s proclivity to what I can only describe as paternal bonding as a demonstration of this response, but before you go reminding me about his pak defects, it’s far from the only evidence that this is a natural Irken trait.

Check out little Timmy (importantly, the surrounding response to him), a hilariously out of place youngster who appeared briefly in the trial transcript for the sole purpose of a dark gag and to get us some lore revealed.

Take further note of the complimentary nature of smeets themselves.

Suddenly finding themselves alive, fresh Irken babies too, like the hatched gosling, begin to immediately seek an emotional attachment with the first animate thing they see. While mobile and fast learners, smeets are far from being able to truly fend for themselves. They’re tiny and naive and they need lots of mental enrichment/teaching. They also play and form something akin to friendships, much like human children. In the bygone era before Irkens were so reliant on Paks and all of the advanced technology of the modern empire, smeets would have been exceedingly vulnerable. All signs point to a phase in Irk’s natural history where they were once nurtured after by adults of their own kind, and commonly bonded with their caretakers. This could mean compact family units, or maybe even a communal raising situation, akin to penguin crèches (Personally I like to headcanon that the tallests/queens were traditionally the only breeding members of the population but that’s neither here or now). Either sense, the evolutionary remnants of a parental creature are still around.

Taking all that to note, instead of perceiving Zim as the bizarre outlier to the Irken condition when it comes to having this soft spot, I instead see him as an opportunity to see natural behaviors in action without the suppression of his militarized society and its distractions. Even someone as warped and selfish as he can be is still very, very full of love to give that he doesn’t even understand enough language to describe. He pretty clearly shows he has no cultural understanding or reference of cuteness, and still, he’s not so different in this “weakness” than the very humans he manipulated into fawning over Ultra Peepi. It just took an example his own sensibilities could relate to instead of an unfamiliar, repulsive alien rodent.

And when he’s given the rare circumstance to show that potential, well-

*(With the rough shape/size down, no nose, and huge, bug-like eyes, Li’l Meat man may actually be a great approximation of the key “smeet schema” features. More importantly, it was made to specifically resemble Zim himself)

- I feel that’s downright adorable.