#stobinie

[steddieme]

in most fics i've read robin is grossed out when steve talks about his sex life, which is probably far more in character for her, but hear me out

imagine them discussing literally everything. like having no boundaries whatsoever.

one day robin mentions she's never seen a dick and she's curious what all the fuss is about.

robin: you have one

steve: yeah...?

robin: so show me

steve: ??

steve: sure, why not

when steve pulls down his pants, robin just stares at him with a blank face

robin: that's... it?

steve: what do you mean that's it??

robin: it looks sad

steve: ??? well, it's not hard rn, obviously???

robin: ugh, boring

steve: you want me to show you my hard dick?? is that what's happening rn?

robin: i mean yeah?

steve: your judgemental face is forever burned into my mind. i don't think i'll ever be able to get hard again.

then robin bursts into his room like a week later

robin: steve, you're a slut-

steve: hey!

robin: so you know your way around a vagina, right?? i need you to tell me if i have a rash or not

steve: do you not own a handheld mirror?

robin: i'm freaking out so much, i can't make a sound observation rn

steve: *sigh* alright

turns out robin does indeed have a rash and steve takes her to the doctor

at one point they lose all shame. steve regularly air dries while robin hangs out in his room. robin makes steve do her monthly breast self-exam. they check each other for ticks.

when steve and eddie start dating steve tells robin literally everything. robin knows way too much about eddie and she loves it.

robin comes over for movie night, eddie is already there

robin: how was your day?

steve: we slept in, then eddie fucked me, it was great-

eddie: *chokes*

steve: then we cooked lunch, there are some leftovers in the fridge, go ahead and eat. yours?

eddie: ???

robin: ugh, don't get me started-

eddie: wait wait wait, how did you just say that so casually?

stobin: ???

eddie: that i fucked you??

steve: i tell robin everything. i told you that. you said that's fine.

eddie: i didn't know that included our sex life?

steve: why wouldn't it? ... wait, oh no, are you not okay with that?? i'm sorry, i thought you knew??

eddie: oh no, it's fine! it just surprised me is all. y'all are real freaks, carry on

stobin: okay then

robin freaks out before her first date with a girl

robin: what if my vagina looks weird???

steve: are you planning to fuck her on the first date, buckley? and how many times do i have to tell you your vagina looks absolutely normal??

robin: no, i'm not, but it's still a valid concern!!! what if my vagina looks hideous to girls??

eddie, the silent observer: lol

steve: what are you even talking about... a vagina is a vagina, vagina lovers love all vaginas

robin: stop saying vagina

steve: vagina vagina vagina-

robin tackles him and they end up wrestling until steve yields

steve: okay okay,, as someone who's seen his fair share of coochies

robin: that's even worse

steve: yours looks perfectly fine.

eddie: wait, you've seen it?

stobin, staring at him: ...

eddie: right, dumb question

[steddieme]

steve calls both robin and eddie babe. and those two have a bit of a rivalry going on. eddie thinks since steve is his boyfriend he's the reigning Babe. but steve called robin babe first and she says that makes her more special.

steve continues to call them both babe because he loves the attention and thinks it's hilarious.

steve: babe

robin and eddie at the same time: yeah?

robin and eddie, now glaring at each other: ...

everyone else at the table: ?

steve: can you pass me the salt?

robin and eddie: *hold eye contant for a second before they both scramble for the salt*

robin, all smug after winning: here you go

steve, pleased as punch: thank you

eddie, pouting: :(

everyone else at the table: wtf was that

[steddieme]

modern day robin, steve and eddie hanging out

steve, ignorant of his bisexuality: i love 80s music. wham!, blondie, david bowie, madonna, abba, omg especially abba, i love abba

robin and eddie:

robin: *turns to eddie* he's definitely, uh-

eddie: yep, 100%

robin, whispering: how do we break the news to him??

eddie, whisper shouting: we?! you've basically melded into one person, you do it!

steve: ???

[steddieme]

eddie: steve is a golden retriever

robin: so true

steve: eddie is a raccoon

robin: SO true

eddie: nice

steve: robin is an anteater

robin: what?

eddie: hmm... i see it

robin: what does that MEAN?

[steddieme]

modern day stobinie smoking at eddie's

robin: steve is so babygirl

eddie: he is SO babygirl

steve: i'm what??

robeddie: babygirl

steve: is that another gay word i don't understand...?

robin: i've been trying so hard to teach you everything and we've got nothing to show for it!!!

steve: all you do is say random words and never explain them?

robin: that's not true

steve: when i asked you what slay means you literally just looked at me like you bit into a lemon and walked away...

robin: that's not true

steve: why are you gaslighting me???

robin: ... anyway, now that you're bisexual-

steve: i've always been bi

robin: now that you're a practicing bisexual-

eddie: PRACTICING?

steve: jesus, why are you screaming

steve:

steve: wdym practicing bisexual? i'm... not practicing anything?

eddie, visibly relieved: phew, okay

stobin:

eddie: i mean, aw, bummer :(

robin: wow, okay

robin, suddenly shaking steve: you need to learn to speak gay!!!

steve: okay, what does babygirl mean?

robeddie:

robin: um- well

eddie: it's like

robeddie:

steve: i hate you both

[steddieme]

robin would be so protective of steve. eddie would have to try so hard to get her approval. no automatic mlm wlw solidarity when it comes to the boyfriend of her soulmate. like she loves eddie as a friend, but as soon as he becomes steve's boyfriend, she does the i'm watching you gesture every time she sees him.

eddie begs steve to talk to her because she has him spooked. steve gets all pouty and says "but she's so sweet :(((" and eddie drops it in order to kiss the pout off his face.

but steve does end up mentioning it to robin.

steve: robin, stop bullying my boyfriend. he's sensitive.

robin: did he sic you on me? is he too much of a coward to talk to me?

steve: robbie, it's eddie. ofc he is.

robin: ... fair

but eddie decides to talk to robin the day after steve talks to her.

robin: look who the cat dragged in

eddie: hi birdie. i need to talk to you.

robin: oh, so now you want to talk. no longer hiding behind your boyfriend?

eddie: ... so steve talked to you?

robin:

eddie: okay, fine. so. what did i do?

robin: what?

eddie: why have you been glaring at me so much?

robin: you really don't know?

eddie: i mean, it can't be just because i'm dating steve, can it?

robin:

eddie: oh my god, do you not approve of me dating him?

robin: it's not that! i just worry for him. i want you to take it seriously when i say i can destroy you if you hurt him.

eddie: i never doubted that?

robin: oh. good.

eddie, pouting: can we pls be friends? :(

robin: ugh, fine. but steve is still MY soulmate! know your place.

eddie: i'd never get in the way of true love

[steddieme]

stobin frantically whispering to each other

eddie, walking in: wow, what's got you guys so heated?

stobin: nothing

eddie: come onnn, tell meeee

eddie: please

eddie: pleaseeeee

eddie: please please please

robin: oh my god, shut UP

steve, red in the face: what's up, eddie?

eddie: no!!!!! tell me your secrets

steve: ...

steve: no

eddie: i will literally kill myself in front of you and forever change the trajectory of your lives

steve: wow, okay, that's-

robin: go ahead

steddie:

robin: kill yourself. i double dog dare you

eddie: that's a bit too far, robin :(

robin, panicked: i-

eddie: jk i'm fucking with you lmao

stobin:

eddie: but seriously, i'm having major fomo here

steve: i'm in love with you

robin, facepalming: oh my god