#still wouldnt have forgiven that asshole but well

[sporksaber]

I was just reminded this au existed,

Zuko is naturally ooc because he never lost his honour, so i think id replace it with guilt. Id have zukos arc be based in his percieved cowardice and getting over his fear of doing what's right in the moment even if its not what he is supposed to do. Id also put him in the war room in the beginning, he processed the advisor's words slower than azula and was in the moment between it registering and his outburst when azula started talking.

Im an Iroh slander lover. He interfered with zuko trying to stop azula from fighting and later from being banished. Zuko doesnt realize this until later (maybe tying him in with azula's arc), instead blaming himself and seeing himself as a coward who could never be forgiven. Iroh takes a "this was bound to happen" attitude to azula's fate, and while i wouldnt go out of my way to make him terrible, he will still lowkey suck and thered be a stong contrast to him as zuko's uncle and him as a man (him as a man is an asshole with control issues who doesnt care about the general populace in a normal way. Hes kind of similar to azula in that way but ill put a pin in that for later).

For the path of his arc, i think id try to make it coincide with the show. He slowly grows throughout the au before reaching a sharp setback upon reuniting with azula. After she leaves again hell struggle for a bit before being forced to make progress quickly.

Other additions and corrections (its been 3 years since i made this post apparently):

Id add an extra layer of personal insult to azula calling the plan stupid and havr it said that it was a plan ozai came up with originally.

There are definitly people who think ozai attacking azula when her back was turned was incredibly dishonerable.

I dont really like the spirit sickness thing for her, id change it to a slow growing mental break. It makes more sense and fits with everything better.

The parenthesis between the boiling rock and katara's field trip i think is supposed to be convince them that azula is actually a good person but that she shows it differently. And maybe its a character focus shift to show how well she really does understand her.

Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.

(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)

First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.

Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.

Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.

Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.

(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)

This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.

Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.

Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.

She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."

Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.

As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.

She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )

Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:

Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.

Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.

Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.

They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.

They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.

After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)

Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.

Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.

Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)

The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)

Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)

As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.

While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.

Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.

Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.

Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.

Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.

Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.

Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.

Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )

Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.

During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.

Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.

Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.

Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.

Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.

(While they're away ty lee tries to convince

Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.

Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.

I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.

[gavetawrtes]

thinking about all the times i did everything right and the one time i didnt and how thats not an excuse. thinking about how i forgave them the moment they left but months later i havent forgiven myself for being hurt and calling them an asshole when they did.

thinking about how much guilt i feel for all the things i didnt know i was doing wrong. thinking about how much i wish i knew how to express myself well enough so they knew back then all they had to do was tell me and whatever i was doing to hurt them i would stop, apologize, try and fix it.

thinking about how i wish i had known what to do, how to better express myself, what to say, how to make it clear that a romantic relationship was never an option, that if maybe i could, they wouldnt have been hurt when i said all the wrong things and maybe they would still be here and we would still be friends.

thinking about how they might be listening to a taylor swift song thanking god that at least now that they dont have to interact me with me again they no longer have to pretend to like different things. thinking, wishing, praying that i had done a better job to let them know they never did. that i would have loved them regardless even if they hated all the things i love. thinking about how someone thinking about me like this makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

thinking about how in a marriage story he says he stood there and prayed to god and at the time i cried at the thought of it. at idea of being so desperate that you turn back to the religion you abandoned bc u dont know what else to do besides pray. thinking about how all i have been doing the last few months is pray.

thinking about how i want to die. i don't want to get better, i don't want to get over it, i want to die, i want to suffer, i want to be punished for hurting them. bc i tried my best, i tried so hard it almost killed me. but trying is not enough, and i hurt them anyway. and i cant try any harder than that. not don't want to, i am physically unable to try any harder than i did but i hurt them anyway. which means i will do it again, to someone else, and i cant. i just cant. i cant live knowing there is no amount of effort that will keep from hurting other people like this.

[17sasuke]

watched chandigarh kare aashiqui and shed so many tears

[thepictureofsdr]

let me set the scene for you. 

imagine youre in high school again. someone brings up a rumour about the leader of your country, whatever that position is called for you. you laugh, maybe tell a friend, and you move on bc thats literally what 15 year olds in society do, you make fun of removed rich priveleged politicians and move on. and then 5 years later, as you try to heal from your traumatic past and apologize, this group of kids not only refuse to forgive but actually actively antagonize you, not over you being a dick and telling the kid of the leader, but just because you, A TEENAGER IN SCHOOL, TALKED ABOUT A RUMOUR THAT EVERY OTHER PERSON IN YOUR SOCIETY WAS TALKING ABOUT. 

AND YET SOME PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK THAT ALASTAIR SPREAD THE RUMOUR?????????????

like imagine you make a joke about donald trump cheating on his wife and 5 years later barron trumps cousin threatens to throw you in the mississippi river this is genuinely whats happening in this series. there is a genuine plot point centering on making a traumatized bullied child a villain for SPREADING A RUMOUR ABOUT FUCKING POLITICIANS IN SCHOOL THAT HE DIDNT EVEN START AM I GETTING MY POINT ACROSS HERE?

remember in shadowhunter society, charlotte and gideon and co. are all from old rich families who’ve held extensive power for years, they control a LOT of their society and keep to themselves, i wouldnt be surprised if there are like,,, middle and lower class equivalent shadowhunters who HATE these families. politicians get slandered all the time charlotte and gideon aren’t special or exempt its ridiculous to think that they wouldnt be talked about and theres no special reason why alastair wouldnt have been one of EVERYONE spreading the rumour, he doesnt know these people why should i expect him to care

yes alastair was an asshole for telling matthew the way he did (even if it was in response to matthew telling him his hair is ugly and his family hates him, alastair had his reasons to say it, but it was still cruel and we dont make excuses here, both boys were in the wrong) but the thieves are mad at alastair for spreading the rumour. hell they dont even know he was the one who told matthew, theyre just that mad over him saying dumb shit. like sweeties i promise you, your parent’s careers arent in jeopardy bc a STUDENT talked about a rumour in school literally no one else cares, it’s a problem when people in power catch wind of rumours like this. 

we only care about the rumour because we know these people personally. the only shadowhunter books to NOT mock government figures are these ones, because as a reader we are in the government system, we read through the pov of people whose families make up the clave. you know DAMN WELL if these books were from alastairs point of view with no TID and we went back to viewing the clave as cold and uncaring we’d be praising him for shitting on the government, like we have with every other main character. its normal for rumours to be spread about government figures, its normal for teenagers to gossip about things that at the end of the day are harmless to them, i know i dont lose any sleep worrying if my government officials are sad about the gossip that surrounds them, its to be expected in that position.

in conclusion i dont care about the rumour, alastair didnt personally slight charlotte or gideon, spreading rumours about random leader is normal and the one actually mean thing he did... well i’ve forgiven other characters for doing and saying a lot worse (looking at you lightwood “most hated men in london” brothers and will “tessa i only like you for your body” herondale)

[2-cute-4-school]

𝘯𝘤𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴/𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦

requested by the national cutie pie @heartyyjeno​

Mark Lee

he can be a bit oblivious sometimes bless his soul꒰๑˃͈꒵˂͈๑꒱୭

so he’s kinda clueless as why tf you’re so pouty 

has he said anything stupid earlier? forgotten any important date?? or... even worse

ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?? (ｼ;ﾟДﾟ)ｼ  ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵒⁿᵉ ʰᵃˢ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵒʷⁿ ᵖᵉʳᶦᵒᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿ’ᵗ ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵉ ᵐʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵈ ˢᵒʳʳʸ

he’s too nervous to even prod at you rn

especially after a trainee who just happens to be wearing his hoodie passes by and you-

did you just growl?!?? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

but you’re his baby and you’re just SO deflated and he HATES seeing you anything but happy and lively so he just can’t stand by and watch you so upset cuz his lil heart hurts too (๑◕︵◕๑)

“babe, are you uh alright?”

“yeah, just a little bit cold” *trying to subtly hint him*

“oh! that’s not good, you should have dressed warmer, should i go ask manager-hyung to turn up the heating in the practice room??”

 ‘maybe i should just set your ass on fire to warm up’ (►˛◄’!)

“or do you maybe want my hoodie?? it should be enough so you won’t be cold anymore, where did i... ohhhhh”

*light bulb turning on above his head* (〇o〇；)

“it’s fine mark, it’s not like you love me anyway it’s fine i should have seen this coming” *loud fake sobbing in your hands* *mark panic*

“no no baby come on-”

“let’s just get the divorce papers, mark lee!!!!”

“but we’re not married-” *sobbing intensifies* “i’m sorry, I’M SORRY!!! i didn’t mean to!! here, just a second!!” (´⊙ω⊙`)！

this specimen just took off his shirt and draped it over you in the middle of the practice room

“mark, wtf are you doing?!?? i was only kidding!!”

“how was i supposed to know, what if you were seriously upset-”

“hyung, can you help-”  *chenle slams door closed* *dolphin screams* “you’re paying for my eyeball removal surgery, you nasties!!”

“chenle NO”

Huang Renjun

my man here catches on pretty quickly what your pout is about

you didn’t make it exactly hard to notice either (；¬д¬)

“y/n, want some ice cream?”

“no, i’m cold, you can shove it up yo ass and share with dear [redacted]”

jesus i wonder why your s/o is mad renjun

he’s not sure how to approach the situation at first, worried that he might get a tube of ice shoved somewhere he wouldn’t want it to ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

he decides to just be himself read as blunt

“baby come oooon, i can ask them to give it back”

“no, then i’ll seem like a possessive bitch” (Θ︹Θ)ს

“don’t call yourself that!! but then should i just run back to the dorms and get another hoodie?”

“no, i missed you this week, i don’t want you to leave”

“then you can just come with me?” (≖^≖๑ )ﾌ

“but i’m too lazy to get up” same reader same

renjun : ఠ ͟ಠ then wth DO YOU WANT ?!!!?!!

your soul renjun

he’s a bit lost and you’re kinda under the weather too and he HATES it because you’re his kitten and he CAN’T and WON’T allow you to feel anyhting but like absolute royalty with him ೕ(⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́ฅ)

so he just drapes himself over your back, wrapping his arms tightly around you, caging you in a warm embrace and nuzzling his cheek into yours

“who needs a hoodie when they’ve got a junnie??!?!” (˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑)

how could anyone stay mad when a cutie like renjun just curls himself around you and pulls you flush against himself, wrapping his limbs around you and peppering kisses everywhere in reach

you’re basically purring in content at this how could you not 」(￣▽￣」)

depending on how tired the both of you are, you might qualify for a good ol’ nap cuddled up against renjun 

but don’t let this fool you

you AIN’T gona catch him making the same mistake again

he’s asking you first about absolutely anything

“no renjun, i don’t need the last of your toilet paper, why do you even- you know what, don’t answer that, just go take a shit in peace” Σ(-᷅_-��๑)

Lee Jeno

we all know jeno is too much of a sweetheart to say ‘no’ (๑′ᴗ‵๑)

he might be freezing himself and he’d still give his hoodie away to the first person who asks learn how to say NO kids

so now you’re both freezing and on top of everything you’re upset too

that’s a DOUBLE KILL for sweet babie jeno (๑◕︵◕๑)

“babe i’m sorry how was i supposed to know you don’t like them??”

“it’s not even that, jeno, you’re literally shivering!! why would you give it if you’re cold too?”

and that’s when jeno’s bf sathelit sprung into action

“wait... ‘too’?? are you cold, my baby??!??!?” (ʘᗩʘ’)

“no, wait, i mean yes, but that’s not-”

“i’ll be back in a second” he isn’t even kidding

he comes back with a blanket AND heating pads (that he doesn’t miss a second to clutch to your cheeks and then coo at your fish face)

“where did you get these from?” *suspicious*

he tells you he borrowed stole them from hyuck by politely asking for them threatening with a flex of his arm while eye smiling the entire time hyuck stood no chance ( ⚆ ᴗ ⚆ ) *nervous chuckle*

but jeno allows you no debating time before he wraps you in the blanket like a lil cutie patootie WARM burrito and leaves a *smooch* to your forehead ( ˘ ³˘)♥

you can spend an eternity arguing with him that you should take turns since he’s cold too, he isn’t taking ANY OF IT

his bubs isn’t allowed to be cold and he wants you to forget about who he lent his hoodie to too

the only way you can get him to relent is refusing to stay cocooned in it

“y/n, wear it or you’ll catch a cold!!” ( •̀ω•́ )σ

“sorry to burst your bubble, but you can and will catch a cold too!!”

that’s how you found yourself sandwiched between jeno’s arms, suffocating from both his bodt warmth and the blanket enveloping THE BOTH of you

best sauna would 110% recommend ୧( ⁼̴̶̤̀ω⁼̴̶̤́ )૭

Lee Donghyuck

my man here knows EXACTLY what he’s doing once *that person* asks him for his hoodie with a flirty smile

he lends it over with that shit eating grin but not without watching from the corner of his eye as you deflated like a loney baloney ( ◞᷄દ◟᷅ )

pretends to not notice your pout and lack of answers to his remarks

“y/n, wanna order chinese tonight?”

sweet, but not on my watch asshole *silence* (˵¯͒⌢͗¯͒˵)

“i’ll take that as a yes, i’ve been craving some seaweed soup”

*eye twitch*

‘fine u lil booger two can play at this game’ (•̀o•́)ง

you leave the room and return... wrapped up in MARK’S sweater and plop down back next to hyuck proudly (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)

he tenses up and turns to you

“y/n” ooooh damn you’re in deep shit

*you bat your eyelashes innocently* “yes my dear?”

“you stink, can you move further away?”

you... did not... JUST HEAR THAT??!?!!? (ﾉꐦ ⊙曲ఠ)ﾉ彡┻━┻

but you get up and walk with your tail between your legs to the other side of the room and curl up in a ball of failure

you both do your own things insilence until-

*sniffle* *hiccup* *SNIFFLE*

“y/n?” *silence*”baby??” *hiccup*

oh no oh no NO NO, hyuck’s baby ain’t crying on his watch (╯’□’)╯

he DASHES to your side and envelops you in his arms while cooing apologies and sweet nothings in your ear

“come on baby, you know i didn’t mean it, i just want your attention and your attention only and i only meant that mark’s hoodie stinks, never you, you’re my baby, you can’t-” ヾ( •́д•̀ ;)ﾉ

and then your shoulders start shaking and hyuck starts to actually worry until your sobs turn into... giggles?? hold up, WHAT??

he turns you around just to see you in a fit of giggles, the only tears present are the ones building up in your eyes from laughter

“oh you think you’re smart, don’t you??” (⁎⁍̴̀﹃ ⁍̴́⁎)♡

ATTACC OF TICKLES FOR YOU

Na Jaemin

another sweetheart tbh who wouldnt be able to refuse out of courtesy

but he just KNOWS he fcked up the moment you turn away when he leans in to kiss you (︶︹︺) ╯ ( ് દ ് )

but he ain’t giving up so easily

no matter how upset you are, depriving him of his dose of kisses? federal crime!!!! CRUELTY!!!!!!! ╰[ ಠ Ĺ̯ಠ]╯

so he keeps on pushing his affections on you

a clutching back hug, a rushed kiss wherever he is able to land it considering your struggle to avoid him, a nuzzle against your cheek, a pinch to your cheeks, a failed attempt to lockyour hands together

my man here tries not to show disappointment whenever you succesfully escape his ♡ 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 ♡   

jaemin, grumbling: “you and jisungie, a couple of hooligans, i’ll leave you on the welcome mat tonight for this” (҂⌣̀_⌣́) he won’t he loves you too much, he can’t fall asleep if he’s not 110% sure you’re well fed and happy

but he still babies you to no end

“come on my baby, what should i do so you forgive me hm?”( *¯ ³¯*)♡

you, an entire baby: *huff* “so now you care huh? go ask or no, go TAKE CARE of [redacted]” 

jaemin’s last braincell performing swan lake on thin ice male version 2020 be like ₍₍ ◝( ･’ω’･ )◟ ⁾⁾

so he sighs and leaves the room

so NOW you’re worrying that mayyyybe you pushed him a bit too far

but before you even get the chance to walk down the hallway in your mighty search for your boyfriend, everything suddenly goes black

no you didn’t pass out or did you

jaemin just creeped up on you and ENGULFED you in a blanket hug for which he DEFINITELY didn’t run a marathon to buy༼つ ் ▽ ் ༽つ

when you finally manage to worm your head out of the fluffy cocoon he engulfed you in, your words were still muffled

“nana?? how did you even-???”

he just hugs you tighter and cuts off your questions

“shhh, all that matters is that you are ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE and i am maybe perhaps forgiven??”  ◕ ‿ ◕ 

how could you ever refuse this precious soul

Zhong Chenle

so i can see one(1) scenario in which he would lend his hoodie to someone he SPECIFICALLY knows you don’t fancy

if you had a let’s say disagreement before and we all know he can be PETTY big time sooo basically he’d do it just to spite you ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

and the lil shiz looks SO PROUD of himself

but you’re not letting the brat win we ain’t no losers _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

so you just creep up behind him and stick your glacier hands up his shirt and rest them on his warm back

when i’m telling you he broke the record for the highest jump and most likely shattered any windows in the vicinity ༻(〃ຶ⌂〃ຶ)

“y/n!!!! keep your ice cubes to yourself!!”

“but i’m cold”

“your cold, your problem”

“watch me say the same thing when jaemin’s chasing you around with a wooden ruler” （；¬＿¬)

things settle down after that

or so he thought!!!!! (งಠل͜ಠ)ง never let your guard down lele sigh

another sneak attack to make sure chenle gets a SOUR taste of absolutely pure pettiness so he gets sick of it himself lol

this time a bitch ain’t joking

you shove your entire head under his shirt and then slither yourself so the top of your head pops out of chenle’s shirt collar let’s hope chenle made the wise choice of wearing a loose shirt so you both won’t suffocate

so you just blink up at him like (◕ᴥ◕)

and chenle is shrieking the entire time sigh

and while you’re too cute for him, its not exactly comfortable for either of you so he pats your head and begs asks you to get out of his shirt(?)

“am i getting your hoodie then?”

“i can’t just barge in and ask for it back”

“alright them i’m suffocating you FUN” (╯✧∇✧)╯

“i’m buying you an entire store of hoodies, JUST GET.OUT!!!”(;≧皿≦）

you have to restrain him for actually going on a shopping spree cuz he LOVES spoiling you but he pays in cuddles while you’re snuggling in your favourite hoodie of his

Park Jisung

confused babie /(@ﾟﾍﾟ@) a mood 

he probably lent his hoodie cause he was too shy to refuse and didn’t even know you don’t like the person he gave it to

and then he’s clueless when you’re pouty ｢(ﾟ<ﾟ)ﾞ??

jisung: “do you want some water??”

you: *grumbling visibly upset* ( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

jisung, at a safe distance away from you, scratching his head, rethinking life choices: “...okay, maybe not. how about choco milk?”

he keeps an eye on you but other than that he’s LOST lol

that’s when the ✨𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓼✨ kick in

emergency contact momma jaemin is the first person jisung calls once he escaped to the ‘bathroom’

“jisung, you know i love you, BUT ARE YOU DUMB?? HOW COULD YOU- blahblahblah” my man is listening to an entire rant about how to treat your partner well 101 (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”

now that he knows the theory, he needs the practice

but you might already worry that he fell in the toilet with how long he’s been gone for god forbid you fall into that dark void

so he calls chenle

“chenle, i’m treating you to hotpot if you bring me a blanket or hoodie in less than 5 minutes”

“add in some steak and it’s a deal” ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

“i’m so selling your soul for a piece of gum, FINE!! just be quick!!”

THIS BOI RIGHT HERE!! A TREASURE!!!! he would step on his honour just to make sure his bubs is hapyy ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰

so after he excuses himself again to retrieve the blanket from chenle

he BURRITO WRAPS you in it and then sits down next to your confused but undeniably happy form and pats your head nervously while he rambles you’re still his most sought after for of comfort no matter what

“i’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend, i should have realized you’d be cold too and that i should always put you first and i-”

you cut him off with a chaste kiss to his cheek which definetely doesn’t leave him speechless and tomato red in the cheeks (๑♡⌓♡๑)

“it’s okay, i was just being dramatic, you should always put yourself first tho, okay baby??”

baby is malfunctioning but he still nods mindlessly and kisses your cheek back ( ᵅั ᴈ ᵅั;)

[cinnaminsvga]

man what is like your favorite characterization in a fic for every bts member? (can be whatever pairing, mxm, y/nxm, inanimatedobjectxm, idc) i'm wondering because, your characterization of taehyung in fox rain? cheff kiss, namjoon in wish on a fish? outstanding, jungkook in the borrowing of bones? saved my life. those are literally my holy trinity. no fic ever will compare. so i'm curious about what you enjoyed.

[cont.] btw i LOVE how you portray the rest of them too, don't get me wrong, but those are like, the untoppables for me. just, they can't get better, those are The Ones, youknow?

(i had to scream a lil @ the inanimateobjectxm part.... WHEN WILL I BE FORGIVEN FOR MY SINS SAHJDHAKSJD)

i’m........ i’m guessing you’re asking what my fave characterizations i’ve done in my fics for every bangtan member? if ur asking what i like in general, then i answered that too HJASDHJASHD but gotta say... thank you for even liking jungkook in borrowing of bones LIKE... you’re a real one for even reading that ;w; i don’t think very much of that fic (even though i... literally died for it... 40k words in 48 hours really killed me) but i did like the way i characterized jungkook in that ngl...

uhhhh for yoongi, i’d have to say tlhc? not surprising to anyone ever, but i just really love that little bitch... perhaps it’s because he’s a lil bit too much like me (minus the fact that he ended up with the love of his life BUT YA KNOW... IM GONNA SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE FOR ME) and i think tlhc!yoongi really made me realize how rewarding it is to be vulnerable with my characters... would do again (and add even more angst flavor next time uwu) and that applies for every yoongi fic tbh... i love it when people write him as multifaceted, when they give him layers and layers of personality. he’s neither too kind or too harsh... he has motivations, aspirations... bonus points if he’s a ride or die for his friends but would rather perish than let them know he cares... I LOVE TSUNDERES OKAY IT’S MY WEAKNESS ;w;

namjoon... well, wish on a fish!namjoon has to be my fave too HSAJDHJAS i just... love juxtaposing his ingenuity with stupidity... i tend to enhance that aspect of him bc i think it’s hilarious, and there’s just something incredibly endearing about it? especially when he’s paired with another person who is clearly more level-headed but with their moments of stupidity too (mayhaps thats why i love namgi and namjin a lot lol) but umm!! i just love it when people make him this bumbling fool with too much love to give... he’s just a ball of feelings and i love it when a fic focuses on his road to understanding how to accept/lean into those emotions ;w;

SEOKJIN... y’all already know how i like to characterize him... bold, stupid, kinda insane, but with his soft moments. i love it when people make him hilarious bc he really is funny irl, though i admit i love fics where they make him incredibly tender as well. i like it when he’s kinda tsundere but not in the same way that yoongi is, more like “i care about my friends but i’m gonna be a shithead about it and you’re gonna have to pry my insanity off my dead hands before i’d EVER show you how much i actually really fucking care.” and i think the fave seokjin i’ve ever written was like... fox rain!seokjin. i know that fic lowkey diedt and you’ve only seen his chaotic side in that fic, but believe me... he’s got a fleshed out personality and i just gotta get around to writing it :^) 

gotta love tlhc hoseok in this household... sorry folks... for always making him sad... I CAN’T HELP IT... i think i’ve read only angst hoseok fics in the past two years or so... there’s just?? something so mysterious about him irl, like??? how is he so positive and kind all the time but he never really shares as much as the other members?? he and seokjin befuddle me the most i think, but i do appreciate how much they appreciate privacy. still tho... it’s morphed my tiny pea brain into wondering “what if hoseok suffered. would it not like be the sun imploding? the world would literally be in CHAOS” and i like writing heavy angst aus so there’s that :^) OH WORD also fave fic trope is when hoseok is all happy-go-lucky at the beginning of a fic but when x character gets hurt or smth, he goes full “i’ll take care of it.” and. that’s kinda hot ^q^

LOOH JUMANJI... I MISS THAT FUCKER... im sorry for letting him die I REALLY WILL FINISH THAT AU I JUST... [insert lame excuse here] BUT FOR REAL i kinda like a “darker” jimin in my fics... like, maybe even a lil unhinged? i like fics where people make him slightly bolder, maybe a little more cunning... i’m all aboard the slytherin jimin express like... there’s something so nice about making him the bad guy?? sweet lil smiley boy is actually an asshole?? but dw i’m a sucker for a good redemption arc so he’s never REALLY an asshole on purpose... i’m too much of a softie to let the bad guys stay bad without a reason

taehyung... oh TAEHYUNG... tbh i haven’t written much for tae (a disgrace... IM SORRY) so i can’t say which tae i’ve ever written that was like... my fave... but i do love it when people make him really perceptive. as you can tell by now (assuming u’ve gotten this far into the ask... congrats btw i’m a rambling FOOL), but i’m a sucker for “gap” personalities so i like it when people make him appear to be the unassuming kindhearted fool but turns out he’s really perceptive and “takes no bullshit ever” kinda vibe. love that for him. also i love when people make him an outgoing person but be clearly more attached to his closest circle of friends,,, he might always have a crowd of people around him, but bangtan really do be his family 4 lyf ya kno???

and lastly... mister jungkook... GOD i hate love him but i did enjoy writing him in borrowing of bones... but to be honest, my fave jk isnt even written out yet!! it’s fox rain!jungoo!! omg you guys... you’re gonna love that lil fucker... he’s so... [clenches fists] like WOOOOOO you will not be prepared for that lil idiot... i think i’m most “well-known” for writing him as a weeb/himbo hybrid bc it’s always the funniest and easiest style for me, but i also do love writing him as the soft n sweet idiot with too much love to give... MY GOD!! AM I!! A SUCKER!! FOR MAKING!! JUNGKOOK!! A BOY WITH TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE!! that’s literally my kryptonite. tbf, writing about any of the boys as lovelorn fools is always a fucking high, but jungkook in particular... oooooHHH i love it!! especially when his love isn’t returned :----))) hits you hard bc ur left asking “WHO WOULDNT LOVE HIM??? HOW DARE YOU AUTHOR” and to me, that is the best feeling in the world

[pepperminthealing-blog]

Day 1

I want to start this blog stating that I’m going to attempt to write everyday, and maybe even more than one a day. The events of this blog will not be in chronological order, it’s going by what is really tearing my heart apart that day, where my mind wanders. 

I want to say thank you for whoever reads this, and I hope through my healing it may give you some insight in your own life, or better understanding of whatever. Or even if you’re just curious, I hope it tickles your feather I suppose.

On we go.

A month and a half ago I met someone, and we had the instant click. Whether it was because we were considerably nerdy, or because he made me feel safe during my current situations. Honestly, it was all supposed to be a joke; and thats so sickening to me knowing that I fell that low. We first met on tinder, and he would send some uh... wonderful messages. And my co-workers and I would read them and respond, then chuckle as we just kind of made fun of this guy who seemed to really be trying too hard. -Sigh- Who would of known that this guy was actually someone with a very very soft heart. We lost contact once I left my job shortly after my miscarriage and gained contact back when I returned, he was already seeing someone and I was on the line of breaking up with the person I was with at the time as well. We made rules that we wouldnt hang outside of work until we both had ended those two terms, because we wanted to be as truthful and transparent with not just one another but with them, fairness to speak. Today, I couldn’t tell you how we got to where we were that day, it was literally just a click... Maybe I was craving something that he posessed because I wasnt getting it in my own relationship? Idk. But, the first night we hung out... I knew I had to keep walking with him. He took me to Wawa at 3am, and bought me a tuna sandwich, and we drove to some dock area and talked about politcal things, hospital business and just our opinions on the world. It was freeing, connecting and intoxicating to find someone who had a like mindset as my own, that could hold an intellectual conversation on things that really mattered to me. After hours of talking, he drove me back to my car and kissed me, and it felt so tender and innocent. I think that was the moment I let my walls down, that for some stupid reason my dumb broken heart wanted to just burst and open up to someone I barely had any knowledge of. The most we talked when seperated was sexual things, and from my past expierences that was never a good sign, but WHY DID THIS FEEL DIFFERENT? Was it because he was a nurse I worked with? That I believed he didnt have the capacity to break me like anyone else could in this world? -sigh.- I slept with him that night, and the hormones our brains release during that time, started the attachment. But it also set the fear in that he would be like everyone else. I want to skip around so much because diving back into these memories have been nothing but haunting the last week, but I’m trying to remind myself that skipping details is skipping moments that could possibly heal you. As I’m writing this, I’m crying tears over this stupid guy. And calling him stupid isnt going to fix anything, because even though you guys have gotten to read down to this part, I just want to say he isnt bad at all. He didnt leave to be an asshole, he was physically ill, he had an addiction problem and I was his catnip. And asking him to stay wasnt just selfish of me, but it was deadly. I would of never forgiven myself if he relapsed because I pushed him too far. I know he cared about me, and the impression I’m giving of him already doesnt give that off, so I wanted to say that before I continued the rest of this story.

Anyways, weeks passed and James and I would have deep conversations about our lives, fantasies, dreams and things. He would care for me when I was sick, reach out and cushion the blows I would take from the break up I just endured. He would push me to take the stress of work and push through it, remind me that I’m doing it for the greater good, and that I was doing just fine. He calmed the storm in my mind for a brief period of time, while I rumbled the dark one in his. Sex and the connection we made was what he called “catnip” to him, and he tried to push me away and I pulled him right back in. Not only was I intoxicating to him, but he became just as much to me. Who wouldnt want someone who could protect them from the harsh of the world for some time?? To give them that freedom feeling that they have CRAVED to feel for years? Valentines day, he gave me 3 chokers, and they meant the absolute world to me. Not only were they ones I wanted, but they had meaning to me. They were heartfelt emotional presents, specially from him; and I felt I was flying. I think that night was the night I began the falling process, or well... I know I did. I stepped off the ledge after he told me to not move furniture into a house he was only renting. I refused to believe that, in my head I thought I could save him, that this would be different. And the signs he gave off, gave me the hope that just that was happening.

......this is the hardest part.....

The day after Valentines day, I woke up and in my stomach I felt something different. I felt like our connection was torn, I was depressed and I thought it was just maybe me. We talked all day, and everything seemed normal. But that night, when he got off his shift, he met me in the staircase at my work. The staircase where he would visit me before he left, where he told me how crazy he was for me, where we shared some of our best kisses.... The staircase I walked down to have my first in face conversation with him...I sat next to him... Him: “Hey buddy, how are you?” It always bothered me when he called me buddy, I wasnt his buddy. I was his Kitten, his baby... “I’m alright, how are you?” “Tired.”  I wanted to just slump onto him and just melt. But I could feel the tension behind his words, that there was something that he wanted to say. “Are you still coming over Thursday?” “I don’t think thats going to be a good idea, buddy.” That last sentence shattered the world that he built up with me. I pressed on asking and he began to lightly tell me how what we built up was unhealthy for him, which I didn’t understand at that moment how it was unhealthy. How our relationship was bad for him, but I wasnt. His hazel eyes stared into mine, and I could feel that wall being built between us, I felt shut out. I tried clawing at that wall, pushing, hammering everything I could to get him to tell me why he was leaving. I sat on that second stair of the top while he stood below me, asking me to tell him to leave... I couldn’t. Telling him to leave was like telling myself to drown at that moment. How in such a short period of time could one person make me feel all this in a second. I didn’t grasp how we went from one moment of bliss, to.... hell. I’m still processing through this part, and it wasn’t until last night that it all made sense to me. James expressed so many times that he didn’t want to leave, but what we had was enticing his addictive nature, which could push him to relapse. And the only way to stop that, was to stop being with me. And I felt like I was so unhealthy for him at that point, no matter what he said. But it wasnt me, it was what we had. And there was no going back from that, you can’t just build up a relationship and then change it expecting it to change with you. So, you have to end it...  Which is still hard on me, because I care deeply about him. And because I care deeply for him; I’ve started to let him distance from me.

I wrote him one final text last night expressing every little emotion I had for him, and apologizing for throwing his stuff out, which I regret so much now because I dont have an inch of his love in my house... just my bed still smells like him. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about him in a day, or how I’m still picking pieces of our relationship apart to find solutions or how BADLY I fight with myself to text him, begging him to text me back. Even after we broke up, he still wanted to come take care of me... I invited a random guy over to poke at him when we broke up, and he still came over to calm the pain in my heart once the guy left. Who does that? Not only do I know that what we have was unhealthy for him, but by the way I acted when he hurt me, was how I knew I was unhealthy for not just him... but those around me.

Moral to this story, even though its not fully finished but this is as much as I want to dive into it today is that... people are lessons. And James was the one who left pain in my soul, and that pain finally opened my eyes to how dangerous I am to people, how much pain I actually feel. I’m so for healing those around me, and saving those who need it. But... I forgot about me. I forgot that I need those things too, from myself. As of right now, I havent texted him; I’ve kept my word to let him distance, and I think he’s finally removed me from snap chat so he wont look at my stories and have the craving to return. 

As for me, well... this whole thing has made me realize that I need time to really heal and figure out me. I’ve been in and out of things in life, that I don’t think I’ve ever slowed down long enough to process what it is I’ve gone through. 

Do I love James? I think I loved the idea of being with him, and the feelings he gave me.

Do I care about him? Yes, and because of that, I don’t want to get in the way of his recovery.

Do I hope we can ever become something? At this point I think it’s healthy to say that everyone hopes they can get back with the person who just left them . I do hope we can talk one day, i miss our conversations. 

What’s next? Well, work today... I’m  dreading the day we have to run into each other at work, but that day will come and when it does, I’m going to embrace it and push through. 

I think thats enough for right now.