#still so good. idk anyway happy sunday love u hope todays been kind to you <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning (or day), lovie!! hope you read it in the morning bc well... the 3 hours difference. truly, you shouldnt be worried about receiving my messages earlier but rather about receiving them later.. i usually answer you before going to sleep. actually, you shouldnt be worried at all yk. 'just say yes even tho you dont know him' i know him!! i learnt whos he bc of your fics!! actually, it reminds me of my cat. her name was busya which is a short name of the word means 'the bead'. but yeah, this kitty looks like that guy hdjfsk 'i felt like i was the main character' lol its amusing how THAT labour made you feel. but valid. anything you feel is ok. when i do this kind of work, i just feel irritated. (there was a big story about men being disappointment) hope you got some rest after that! and hope you still like the way you performed. i know you did your best. 'ITS SO FUNNY YOU CALL CATS WITH KISKIS' we just want some kisses from these cute monsters are we wrong for this? 'you can be my muning mingming kitty kitty cat cat' my honour, catmom!! my star hour! meow meow!! thank u!! in russian we say 'kwa or kwak' for the frogs' sounds. it's more like your variant and i think the truth is somewhere in between? for me frogs sound more like 'kwoa' or even 'qua'. but ribbit?? wtf guys?? 'WE CAN CALL IT WFAL' it sounds so ridiculous TT no really but i cant send too long messages and its title is pretty long yk. 'i love how passionate you are to vocabulary and language' no but really!! i actually curse a lot in real life. i've always been that 'smart kid' whos now burnt out and an a-marks-only student (idk how they call it). so people expect me to speak like a noble lady? its such a great number of such expressive words. why hate them for just being bad (i'm not trying to convince you cursing isn't ugly. you can think of it whatever you do. i just got carried away again TT). in general, words are only instruments to communicate with, so their meaning only depends on how a speaking person sees them. anyway, do you want me to stop cursing in the messages? 'I HOPE YOURE NOT SENDING ME MESSAGES IN EARLY-LATE HOURS' it's 5:01 in where i live. and now yk you're +3 h for me so... 'when he dies im like, u deserved it tho' god bless your nerves and god bless him. happy for you, though. and hes sexy. 'this is him he likes literature i think you’d like him' nah i dont like literature that much (sometimes i hate it) and he's not my type. but i'm happy for your luckiness! 'I WILL KEEP LEVELING HIM UP BECAUSE I LOVE HIM' omg puppy boys TT puppy boys are cute. good luck for you both!! alhaitham poor boy... hope he'll improve and will be good for you. oh i love diluc too!! i dont know him but 1) his face doesnt annoy me (im judgemental if you remember) 2) i love how people headcanon him. so hope he behaves good for you. good luck to bad luck (HAH am i funy mom) bennet. it's good you like hanging out with him, i believe your words. waiting for the girls!! 'you wanna talk about it?' not really, just wanted to share my feelings. 'i dont care about what people think about what i read' nah i'm not judging. as long as it doesnt concern me idc what you write or read. just said what i feel abt it all. i watched helluva boss in 2 days and i'm satisfied. it's good. got my approval. hell theme is still somewhat fresh and it also gives so many ways to interpret it. 'youre talking about that fic i reblogged right?' YEAH dhdjdj big brains get the hints. WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED if i said i also sent that author an ask about sugar daddy daemon after reading the other hcs about sugar daddy aegon, aemond and jace... yeah im better with my fever but still exhausted and my nose is stuffy TT every time i dont feel well the first thing to happen is my nose being stuffed *lots of angry emojis but also crying bc it hurts*. hope you do better!! how are the classes? how do you feel? whats the weather like? do you plan anything for today/sunday? love you! take care <з

hello my muning <3 T_T. i had your message on my browser but i kept doing different things LOL

LOOK AT THIS FLOOF

hope you read it in the morning bc well... the 3 hours difference. truly, you shouldnt be worried about receiving my messages earlier but rather about receiving them later..

T_T i did not read this in the morning. I saw it in the morning but again i kept getting distracted. I DID MAKE A COVER THOUGH AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF I SOUND SO GOOD BUT IDK I WANT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU BUT JUST WITH YOU

ok i found a solution im going to answer your ask privately for this one (: nvm theres not an option to answer privately because ur on anon T_T anyway its fine

i usually answer you before going to sleep. actually, you shouldnt be worried at all yk.

ok i wont be worried then i trust u

'just say yes even tho you dont know him' i know him!! i learnt whos he bc of your fics!! actually, it reminds me of my cat. her name was busya which is a short name of the word means 'the bead'. but yeah, this kitty looks like that guy hdjfsk

i figured you knew him cos of my fics but not really since that's all u know HAHHAH i mean unless you read a bunch of them then sequentially got an idea of what his character is, at least how i perceive him. BUSYA T_T so cute kitty a pretty black cat <3 im luv

'i felt like i was the main character' lol its amusing how THAT labour made you feel. but valid. anything you feel is ok. when i do this kind of work, i just feel irritated. (there was a big story about men being disappointment) hope you got some rest after that! and hope you still like the way you performed. i know you did your best.

i didnt perform at all lolol i hope i can next time we set up. some of my classmates got to perform. the labor made me feel like the main character because we were setting up the stage! and it was in the middle (ok not middle but you feel me) of the cafeteria and the performace was peak lunch time so we were setting up and everyone was looking (well i mean not AT me but at what we were doing collectively as a class) but still i felt like the main character cos im always hot when i go to school <3 🤩😌💅

lol everyones different if you feel irritated doing manual labor then that means manual labor is just not for you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk i think i get it from my dad i feel kind of like a sense of purpose when i build things kinda. i mean it was tiring but fun HAHAHHAH OH OMG I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE BEST PART WE GOT 2 FREE MEALS HAHAHHAHHAHAH SLLLAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY i ate so much and then bought myself a donut

NOM NOM I LOVE FOOD

'ITS SO FUNNY YOU CALL CATS WITH KISKIS' we just want some kisses from these cute monsters are we wrong for this?

not at all. i now think russian is the superior language because of this 😔✊ english could never (although its ironic i think its superior because kiskis sound like kiss kiss which is english AHAHHAHAH)

'you can be my muning mingming kitty kitty cat cat' my honour, catmom!! my star hour! meow meow!! thank u!!

MEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

omg look at this cat i found on pinterest

T_T WHY MY BABY BUILT LIKE THAT GIGA CHAD? IM - CRYING WHYYYYY ITS SO FUNNY BUT ALSO I FEEL BADDDDDDD T_T

in russian we say 'kwa or kwak' for the frogs' sounds. it's more like your variant and i think the truth is somewhere in between? for me frogs sound more like 'kwoa' or even 'qua'. but ribbit?? wtf guys??

T_T CRYING KWA KWAK KWOA QUA ARE ALL SO CUTE FOR LITTLE WIBBIT FRAWGS T_T

yeah ribbit is like ?????????? but nah russian fr superior for this too. since russian frog sounds and filipino frogs sounds are similar, maybe that means russians are secretly filipino and filipinos are secretly russian

'WE CAN CALL IT WFAL' it sounds so ridiculous TT no really but i cant send too long messages and its title is pretty long yk.

HAHAHAH THE TITLE IS LONG BLAME IT ON FALL OUT BOY I GOT NAMING THINGS LONG FROM THEM AHHHAHHAAH i love making obnoxiously long titles HAHAHAH

'i love how passionate you are to vocabulary and language' no but really!! i actually curse a lot in real life. i've always been that 'smart kid' whos now burnt out and an a-marks-only student (idk how they call it). so people expect me to speak like a noble lady? its such a great number of such expressive words. why hate them for just being bad (i'm not trying to convince you cursing isn't ugly. you can think of it whatever you do. i just got carried away again TT). in general, words are only instruments to communicate with, so their meaning only depends on how a speaking person sees them. anyway, do you want me to stop cursing in the messages?

honestly i dont think youve ever cursed in any of our messages yet so the fact ur telling me you curse a lot irl is pretty wow to me AHAHH. its funny how youre advocating for curse words HAHAHH i mean its pretty obvious to me that youre a smart person, but as a fellow smart person, i know that that doesnt mean youre like this soft spoken noble person LOL in fact it would make more sense if its opposite.

anyway i believe in the power of words and we manifest what we speak so i think its only natural to assume that if you speak a lot of curses you are manifesting that and i dont want that. also The words of a man's mouth are deep waters. i dont want my waters to be murky and gross ew. 👎 L

'I HOPE YOURE NOT SENDING ME MESSAGES IN EARLY-LATE HOURS' it's 5:01 in where i live. and now yk you're +3 h for me so...

T_T sleep better T_T

'when he dies im like, u deserved it tho' god bless your nerves and god bless him. happy for you, though. and hes sexy.

HAHAHH T_T justice for zhongli T_T

'this is him he likes literature i think you’d like him' nah i dont like literature that much (sometimes i hate it) and he's not my type. but i'm happy for your luckiness!

i audibly gasped when you said he wasnt your type. T_T also you hate literature? ?????? SCAMMER DOES THAT MEAN YOU JUST LOVE ME???? in that case T_T im luv u

'I WILL KEEP LEVELING HIM UP BECAUSE I LOVE HIM' omg puppy boys TT puppy boys are cute. good luck for you both!!

so true im luv him T_T

alhaitham poor boy... hope he'll improve and will be good for you.

me too. his dialogue is giving know it all so if he keeps dying on me im going to put him on my hitlist HAHAHH

oh i love diluc too!! i dont know him but 1) his face doesnt annoy me (im judgemental if you remember) 2) i love how people headcanon him. so hope he behaves good for you.

i cry for diluc im luv him i havent played his plotline yet so T_T but he's so emo if i got it right and HAHAAHAH HIS FACE DOESNT ANNOY YOU DANG AHHAHAHAHH SLAY DILUC THE PRETTIES BOY EVAH HAHAAHHA

good luck to bad luck (HAH am i funy mom) bennet. it's good you like hanging out with him, i believe your words.

i love bennet T_T i dont play him as much as i used to know because i have diluc now but i still love him <3 you are .000001 funny HAHAHHA ok ok like 1/2 funny HAHAH

waiting for the girls!!

ok i literally oppened genshin for this AHAAH

ok this is lisa. she used to be my fave i kinda grew out of her but im starting to fall in love with her again she op <3 also her general character is such a vibe AHHAAH

this is xiangling. i remember using her for the first and her level was pretty low compared to my other characters but she sLAYED regardless and i have no idea to play this game anyway so my characters are all weak (according to my brothers who play 'optimally') so yeah theres that but i love her cos she shooq me with her debut in my account

this is jean she is the general of the mondstat ting thing i havent played in so long i forgot NVM KNIGHTS OF FAVONIUS and she a boss shes one of my strongest characters /: cos everytime i wish on the banner thing to get characters i keep getting her (so i secretly hate her) but i love her she heals me and carries me and im so sorry i dont hate you my love im just T_T i dont value you because i have you T_T im so sorry jean m love

I KEEP FORGETTING TO TALK ABOUT THE CAT I STOOD THER TO SHOW YOU THE CAT IN GAME LOOK AT THE KITTY HAHAH i focused more on the cat then showing the character HAHAAHH i have to keep adjusting the camera because the dialogue option keeps appearing and ///: its annoying.

anyway this is yelan she's also op because like xiangling i played her though she was low level and she still ate more so now that ive been able to level her up a bit

anyway since i told you about the dialogue thing whatever its there now but its not even for that cat you cant talk to this cat T_T this is sayu she sleepy 24/7 and i love her for that she is my child idk i just like her cos shes such a mood and a child lol AHHAHAHAHAH she is my child i love her shes also a REALLY strong child and so adorable when she runs. i wanted another character thats a child, her name is klee, but i didnt get her so when i got sayu i was so happy

this is amber. i used to hate her T_T idk cos she was weak but then she got annoying ???? but now i love her cos i realized she was weak cos i was weak im so sorry baby hAHAAHAHHAH

this is xinyan, my bro says people hate her cos shes like a useless character in all senses but i love her cos shes a musician <3 like me HAHAHAH shes pretty weak tho so i dont use her much HAHAHAHHAHAH

lastly noelle my first beloved

i love how it took me so long to do this its morning in the game again HAHHHAHAAHh anyway i dont use noelle anymore because i have zhongli and his shield is way better than hers but she was the first person that protected me (tbh i didnt even know it AHHHAHHA i was just using her cos she was pretty man fr i have no idea how to play this game im just going with vibes and aesthetics AHAHHA) and yeah and shes a real mvp for that.

'you wanna talk about it?' not really, just wanted to share my feelings.

ok then <3

'i dont care about what people think about what i read' nah i'm not judging. as long as it doesnt concern me idc what you write or read. just said what i feel abt it all.

HAHHAHHHAHHAHAH ok

i watched helluva boss in 2 days and i'm satisfied. it's good. got my approval. hell theme is still somewhat fresh and it also gives so many ways to interpret it.

hell theme is fresh AHAHHAH babes maybe its fresh to you but works like dante's inferno exists AHHHAHAHHA (im not tryna be a know it all it's genuinely just funny to me HAHHHA)

'youre talking about that fic i reblogged right?' YEAH dhdjdj big brains get the hints. WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED if i said i also sent that author an ask about sugar daddy daemon after reading the other hcs about sugar daddy aegon, aemond and jace...

THEY HAVE OTHER SUGAR DADDIES AHSF:ASHFFH:ASFHAHF OMWWWWW HAHHHAAH. im not surprised at all. you seem to be the type to send asks. idk theres something about the idea of sending an ask that makes me anxious so yeah i rarely send asks but i have been sending more as of late because of my beautiful lovelies

yeah im better with my fever but still exhausted and my nose is stuffy TT every time i dont feel well the first thing to happen is my nose being stuffed *lots of angry emojis but also crying bc it hurts*.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 i hope you feel better completely baby T_T i know how annoying it is to have a stuffy nose cos when that happens to me it takes so long to go away and im allergic to dust so T_T RIP

hope you do better!! how are the classes? how do you feel? whats the weather like? do you plan anything for today/sunday? love you! take care <з

i feel kinda sleep rn HASHFAS ITS 10 pm now Hhlashfdlasfh ahfalsfsa the weather is cold but ur russian so you probably would slap me and say YOU THINK THAT COLD HAHHAHHHA but yeah. i have assignments i will do tomorrow i have to watch a movie /: and im too lazy to do it but ill do it tomorrow rip. thats my plans on sunday so yeah

i love you <3

i was planning to write for wafl today but im too lazy. cant it just aslha/sf write itself T_T SO LAME FOR THAT

xxx

[possum-tooth]

things could be worse. i could change my name to paul.

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 10: I’m aligned with idiots - Ruthie

A little switcherooooo haha I wanted Seamus gone so badly. He was truly insufferable to talk to most of the time. Not because I don’t like him, but because he would constantly ask for info without supplying anything back. You learn valuable information in this game by strategically giving information. I feel like he just needed to be more upfront and I would have trusted him more. Instead he ended up looking slipperier than a wet lasagna noodle. So I love that Asya and Dane are building these targets on their back by using idols and stuff. I honestly see myself getting better than 7th (hopefully). I have been somewhat sliding under the radar but still being involved in these bigger moves without getting much blood on my hands. I think that as long as Asya and Dane continue to have this OTTN3, CPN kinds of displays, I can sit back, enjoy the show, and have clean hands for FTC. The thing that scares me though is that I will not have the direct moves that Asya made. But honestly my UTR game is something I’m working on and something I would reward with the win as a Jury member.

i was so happy to meet seamus because i knew amanda already and liked her but i didn't know seamus and it was nice and new i love meeting new friends. i think he's FUNNY. COOL. NICE. LMFAO. and i thought seamus and i would be F3 like tight tight best allies. but every hoe coming out being like "love seamus, my best ally, i was so close to him" like bitch me too the fuck!!! little crackhead !!!!!!!! who was ur real f2??? what's this i hear about an alliance with anabel and dane???? still love him. 

* a little while later after that*

i miss amanda ugh we would be calling and stressing about votes and it's thursday night right now and i have friday saturday sunday off work and we could've called and had fun times and be rats. the game got interesting when we merged and then she died like i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and seamus too ugh and they're both gone. and now all i do is talk to sweet john and get high hehe. i hate that i'm also on the opposite schedule of rtp and ruthie i'd like to get to know them more.

As much as I miss my daily memes from Seamus...  I'm not too sad that he's gone.  If I made it to the final three with him he would have won HANDS DOWN.  he was playing hard and I respect that but I need to keep on keeping on! I'm now in an alliance that Seamus made with the Ryans and Linus.  I trust them all to and all but I trust John more than ANYONE else in this game.  I'm playing around with the idea of telling him I'm in an alliance.  I also kind of want to tell Dan but I'm scared then word would get back to Asya and Dane.   I just really want to keep playing both sides and see what happens! When I get caught I'll just deal with it, lol. I'm pretty sure Linus and Lachie also playing two sides.

*two seconds later*

My big mouth just told Dan about the alliance I have with RTP, Ryan and Linus that Seamus made.  WHY DO I TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING?? I am so bad at this LOL. I trust Dan but he's no fool, I know it is going to get back to Asya and Dane and then my alliance is going to disown me; Interesting though, he told me that he heard Lachie's name and I really thought that Lachie was with Dan, Asya and Dane. Part of me keeps wondering if I should have voted Ryan out that first merged tribal, I am so crackedt right now. I feel like the rat that is scampering off from group to group and I just have this feeling that my time is going to be up tonight.  I don't know who to trust and who not to trust at this point.  I talk to Dan and John the most and I do talk to Linus a good bit but like... I'm just in constant conflicted mode.   I do like the idea of Dan and I working together if he is with Asya and Dane and I stay with the others.  We could secretly feed each other information or something but hopefully I didn't just ruin my entire game.

*later*

I think??? I should be safe.  Dan told me that he ALSO is in an alliance with Dane, Asya and Pippa which Pippa being aligned with them REALLY surprised me.  I thought she was just doing her own thing and living her best life but it really makes a lot of sense.  I think that we will eventually pull John in and make an alliance with just the three of us.  Also I'm thinking that Lachie is going to go which would be the BEST case scenario for both Dan and myself and maybe starting next week we can start kicking members off of each alliance that isn't myself or Dan. I don't want to get cocky but I feel like I'm in a really good position right now and that Dan is officially my ride or die in this game.

This vote seemed too easy???? Like it landed on Lachie and I’ve heard nothing else? I’m just like nervy. I opened up to Ruthie today about my position in the game. She and I compared notes..... and alliances. We figured out we were kind of on either side of the game. We promised to keep the info we told each other under wraps, which I intend to do. Ruthie is a likable person and down the line a sleeper threat to win, I just want options. She seems to be willing to cough up some info from time to time so we’ll see where this leads. I’m just paranoid bc I feel like it could very well be me this round? Idk. I also don’t really care lmao

*a half hour later*

So now it flipped to RTP? I love that but I’m always the last to know and I’m getting #overit

ok so i cant make a video bc jacob is here but heres the rundown lost immunity, ryan m won who do i want gone the most? rtp fuck that man. however, lachie didn't even submit for the challenge so people are like ok lets just do him which like?? fine?? i guess?? fuck lachie too cause he's another traitorous ass bitch, but i'm not scared of him. i can kill him later. so when i hear john wants him to stay and for a royal to leave, suddenly he and i are best buddies again. he wanted pippa but like i just spent the last round telling pippa i would fight for her and so thats what i did! i told john that we needed pippa and that i could make her vote rtp, so now, what i'm being told is that myself, dane, dan, pippa, lachie and john are voting rtp. only guess what? the others aren't voting lachie anymore. no prizes for guessing who these bitches flipped onto (: anyways now that lachie isn't in danger it's very likely that he would flip on me, making it 5-5 instead of 6-4. in a tie, these bitches will absolutely flip on me. like i just know it. maybe i'd have dane and dan but thats it. and that pisses me off. i feel like i've been working my ass off and to have it end here is like... mentally i know it's good for me bc this game drives me crazy but like. i fucking deserve to get farther than people who don't even play the game. i just do. i owe that to myself. anyways. dane thinks he can get linus on board as well. i tried patching things up w linus and he left me on read so like i don't see why he wouldn't vote me. not hopeful there. if i'm voted out let it be known that i remain the baddest bitch in this game and i will be an incredible demon at ftc. thank u and goodnight. ps stream jackboot jump

My alliance hoping for rocks?  I'm aligned with idiots. I've told Dan EVERYTHING I've been hearing all day and I really hope it doesn't all come back to bite me on the ass.  He's gotten very quiet and isn't the only one.  Suddenly everyone is quiet and that is never a good thing right before a vote is due, it makes me think that it has been changed to me.  SURELY these people would tell me right?  I've had the curtesy to tell people when it is them to be a suck up... SURELY people will tell me too... RIGHT? I don't know. Rocks is beginning to sound better and better though.   

[whenwillthearkreturnfromwar]

do all of them

this took me so long

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

dio

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

more outgoing? but not at first

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

dio

4. Are you easy to get along with?

so i’ve been told

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

oh def lol

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

girls

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

“relationship” lol yes

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my soulmate bryant… gonna be doing a tennis tournament in socal

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

if it’s guys talking yeah, otherwise nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

ummmmm probably you?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I lov u

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

love in color - taeyeon, i blame on you - taeyeon, bambi - jidenna, talking to the moon - kream, foldin clothes - j cole

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

if i like them yea!!!

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

luck idk… but miracles yea it’s a miracle that my girl likes me back lol

15. What good thing happened this summer?

:000 i don’t remember this past summer at ALL

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

UMMmmM OFC not to be cheesy but i literally wrote a song about slow kisses with her afsghfkj

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

who even was my first crush? probs some girl at church so no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I haven’t had a bubble bath in years but probably

20. Do you like your neighbors?

idk my neighbours…………. one of them is the ex-fire chief of oakland which is cool i guess

21. What are your bad habits?

procrastination, staying up late, singing 24/7, not finishing drinks and leaving cups without washing them

22. Where would you like to travel?

I was thinking about studying abroad for a summer in college… we’ll see

23. Do you have trust issues?

i don’t trust myself

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

talking to dio

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my fingers are hella short so i cant play instruments as well as i’d like :(((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

go back to sleep

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

neither

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

dio

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

umm mayb? for the benefits i guess. if dio wants to

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

nooo i just cut it hecka short

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

none?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

pzagtgtik

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

taekwondo… fun fact i used to play basketball.. yea…. all 5 feet and ~1 inch of me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV!!!! i dont watch tv anyway

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i liked you lmao

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

…

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

about 5′6″… brown eyes… brown hair that has these hypnotizing curly strands that frame her face… has this strong leader aura that u can kinda tell so ppl rly admire her but she doesn’t even realize…. amazing at soccer, competitive… but SO SOFT…. amazing hilarious storyteller… so intelligent and aware and always striving to better herself!! BEAUTIFUL IN SO MANY WAYS i mean i am actually so lucky so maybe i do believe in luck.. anyway that’s my dream girl… name is dio and she’s mine

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

thrift town? i dont rly like shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

go to college… probably ucsb actually…. parentals want me to go to davis more tho

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

if u mess up a boba order yea; if ur sm ent making amber miserable no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im sleeping or being emo

43. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes i return that flat-line grimace/smile that white ppl give poc in passing bc now that it’s been pointed out to me i can’t unsee it

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

bottom of the ocean is terrifying,, let’s do it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact that i get to see dio

46. What are you paranoid about?

nothing

47. Have you ever been high?

perchance

48. Have you ever been drunk?

mayhaps

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

i don’t think so

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

purple

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

nop

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

my ineptitude at public speaking

53. Favourite makeup brand?

idk makeup

54. Favourite store?

farmer joe’s lol

55. Favourite blog?

@peachylook

56. Favourite colour?

orange!

57. Favourite food? 

korean

58. Last thing you ate?

boba

59. First thing you ate this morning?

oyako donburi

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I won a poetry competition one time and also a musical chairs game

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nop

62. Been arrested? For what?

nop

63. Ever been in love? 

oh man i’m so in love it’s embarrassing

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

LMAO i’ll pass

65. Are you hungry right now?

nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

some

67. Facebook or Twitter?

uhh twitter produces good memes sometimes so i guess twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

this trash site

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

dio, bryant, clara

71. Craving something? What?

cranberry juice

72. What colour are your towels?

pink/white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 20

75. Favourite animal?

doggos/cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

red

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white/orange

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

fresh off the boat

82. Favourite movie?

currently moana

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

havent watched either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

^

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

^

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

my dad?

88. Last person you talked to today?

dio

89. Name a person you hate?

*******

90. Name a person you love?

dio

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

tr*mp

92. In a fight with someone?

no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 6

95. Last movie you watched?

the shack

96. Favourite actress?

lee sunbin the loml

97. Favourite actor?

???

98. Do you tan a lot?

i dont wear short clothes enough

99. Have any pets?

noooo :’((

100. How are you feeling?

sad bc my girl is sad

101. Do you type fast?

yea

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh man so many

103. Can you spell well?

w e l l

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yea

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i don’t …. maybe??? presumptuous of me to say

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

no

108. What should you be doing?

homework

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact that it had to rain this sunday of all days

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

@ dio

111. Do you have trust issues?

trusting my memory wasnt this already a question

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

dio

113. What was your childhood nickname?

…patti?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

i was born out of it lmao

115. Do you play the Wii?

the first and only console i have ever owned

116. Are you listening to music right now?

no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

whoa idk

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only if i’m walking in it outside alone

121. Are you mean?

yes i’m p average

122. Is cheating ever okay?

communal cheating in high school hell yea #finesseTheSystem

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly

125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in soulmates

126. Are you currently bored?

no

127. What makes you happy?

dio, music, good food, games

128. Would you change your name?

yea

129. What your zodiac sign?

pisces

130. Do you like subway?

does BART count

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i should hope he likes me… we’re soulmates. and we’re both gay as hell

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

?????

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

taeyeon’s i blame on you and love in color!!!!!!

134. Can you count to one million?

i cant count my blessings how am i supposed to count to a million

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i liked boys LOL

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′1″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brown/black hair

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

march idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

it was a day

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I’m cool as a motherfuck.” - my old man gov teacher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not rly

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“If colour was not a straightforward matter in these racial categories, neither was fixity and immutability.”

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.