#still manic but now i'm well rested

[t00thpasteface]

hehe yaaaaay

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 I PRAY, DON'T FALL AWAY FROM ME

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: murphy's law has never been more true. anything that can go wrong will go wrong. and it does.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: HAPPY FRIDAYYYYYYY, we're finally getting into the thick of this series, the next few chapters will be INTENSE, i hope you enjoy them as much as i enjoyed writing them ;) this chapter was actually a doozy for me - i struggled a bit with reconciling civzai with canon!dazai and figuring out how to make civzai react to everything that's happened in a way that a civilian would, but i didn't want to make it too far removed from how canon!dazai would act. i ended up rewriting a few times, but i'm mostly happy with how it came out. anyway!! reblogs and comments greatly appreciated as always!! ENJOY heheh!

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia executive!reader, civilian!dazai, dazai's struggles w suicide & sh, reader partakes in mafia business, dazai isn't dazai without a bit of obsessiveness and possessiveness (the possessiveness doesn't come til later but the obsessiveness starts from day 0).

CHAPTER SPECIFIC WARNINGS: hardly edited. depictions of dissociation, brief depiction of gore in first scene, dazai's implied to be in a bit of a manic episode in the second scene and then crashes hard in the third (he is not coping well with everything that happened), reader is all strung up and agitated most of this chapter which leads to some very stupid decisions, dazai also makes some very stupid decisions.

ANOTHER THING TO NOTE: our lovely reader IS A MAFIA EXECUTIVE !! as a port mafia executive, she does port mafia things, this will become very apparent in the next chapter and the rest of the upcoming chapters. it hasn't been as apparent in the past few, so it might be a bit jarring to read but it is something to keep in mind. additionally, she is FLAWED and that is very apparent in how an argument goes down in this chapter. i wanted to add this warning just to give you all a bit of a heads up.

SEE: WASTELAND, BABY! SERIES MASTERLIST

You look so… serene. 

Dazai’s knees are tucked to his chest as he sits on the bed next to you, watching as you rest. You’re fast asleep, even puffs of air escaping your lips as you curl up close to him beneath the comforter. You look a lot younger right now, not anything like the hardened mafia executive that he knows you are. Dazai’s breath catches when he sees you shift to get a bit more comfortable, moving closer to him so that your forehead is pressed against the side of his thigh.

Still, none of this feels real. He hardly breathes as he reaches out to brush the back of his knuckles against your cheek, watching as you let out a soft noise in your sleep before nuzzling a bit closer to him. Dazai believed that he was a man destined to be alone for his whole life; never in his wildest dreams did he ever think someone would love him for who he is, much less someone like you who could have anyone you wanted.

It doesn’t feel real.

Was it all just a dream? 

A nightmare? 

He blinks and suddenly blood stains the back of his knuckles where he’d been touching you, dribbling from your lips to the mattress below. Your eyes are still closed, but Dazai knows if they were open, they’d be glassy and empty. His breath quickens and his gaze flickers down the bed to your torso where he knows the gaping wound is hidden beneath the sheets. He feels the weight of a gun in his right hand and hears a thud to his left of a body hitting the ground and-

“Stop thinking so hard.”

He physically jumps at the sound of your voice, eyes widening as he looks down at you. Your eyes are still closed and you haven’t budged an inch, but the blood is gone and the weight in his hand has disappeared. For a split second, Dazai thinks he might’ve imagined your voice, but then, as if you can sense the thought, your eyes crack open, sharp and squinted, not at all glassy or empty.

Just his mind playing tricks. 

“I can feel the shitty thoughts tossing around up there,” you mutter with a yawn, stretching a bit next to him. His face heats up when you press your lips against the sliver of bandages peeking out from where his shirt is riding up his sides. You sigh as you push yourself into a sitting position, dropping your head on his shoulder. “What time is it?”

“Half-past seven ish,” he answers, voice catching as he looks down at you. “You slept late. Your meeting is in twenty minutes.”

“Did you sleep at all?” you ask with a frown. You sit up straight again to look at him, a concerned expression on your face. “You’re not usually up this early.”

Dazai did not, in fact, sleep. Besides the fact that every time he closes his eyes, he’s plagued with the sight of your dead body, his mind has been in shambles over how easy it had been to pull the trigger of the gun you’d given him. Odasaku had instilled morals into him, morals that Dazai has strictly followed since the day he met the man, even more so after he died to save Dazai to honor the older man. And Dazai had known that being with you would compromise said morals but…

But it’s different when he’s actually the one stomping all over them.

Life should be treasured. Spend your days helping people.

Why had pulling the trigger been so easy?

Dazai stares down at his hands, willing an answer to come to him. He thinks the worst part is that even now, he can’t muster guilt. He should feel guilty—he knows that—he took someone’s life, someone who had people waiting on him if what you were saying held any merit, but he’d done it to protect you and he just can’t seem to feel guilty when it had been a choice between your life and an enemy’s.

Still, he thinks, it shouldn’t have been so easy.

He shouldn’t feel nothing.

Not for the first time, Dazai thinks there’s something fundamentally wrong with him. Something that sets him painfully apart from the rest of humanity. Something that leaves him grasping at straws as he tries to put on a face and convince the world that he’s just like everyone else. Something dark and empty that festers—it festered while he was on his own in Suribachi, it festered after Odasaku’s death, and it festers now with blood on his hands and no remorse to be found. 

“Osamu,” you say, more concerned now, but you sound like you’re underwater and Dazai can’t even turn his head to look at you.

That’s not even to mention the message from Professor Ui. The more he thinks about it, the more anxious he gets. A tip-off. Professor Ui hadn’t given enough context for him to try to narrow down what it might be about, and there’s been so much going on recently that Dazai couldn’t possibly hope to narrow it down on his own. The only given is that it would be bad for you.

He almost doesn’t want to tell you.

No, he doesn’t want to tell you. Not at all. Not yet. Not when all he can give you is more to stress about, more to be paranoid about. All he’s been able to do is come to you with issue after issue, he’s been a burden—the least he can do is figure out the scope of this new problem before saddling you with it.

He can handle it himself. He can. He’ll go to the meeting and figure out what Professor Ui’s tip-off is about so when he brings it to you, you can formulate a plan of action to handle it. He can’t just tell you ‘Hey! Remember that journalist that’s trying to target you! He got a tip-off that he’s planning to do something about!’ when you already have so much on your plate.

He-

“Osamu,” you say, reaching for his wrist but the sudden touch jolts him out of his spiral.

His heart rate spikes and his surroundings blur and Dazai is instinctively pushing you away from him as panic subsumes all coherent thought, unsure of where he is and what’s going on. The sheets feel too much like the soft dirt, the fingers on his wrist are too tight, the air is too brisk and cold, the early morning light shining through your blinds into your apartment is so reminiscent of the way it shone through the tall trees into the forest.

“Don’t touch me.”

His feet tangle against the sheets as he scrambles away and tumbles right off of the side of the bed—pain shoots up his ankle and for a moment, Dazai forgets where he is and it’s not you on the bed reaching out to him, but the rotted skin of Arahabaki, your blood dripping off its fingers. Dazai can hardly breathe as he tries to reorient himself, nails digging into his palms.

It takes a concerning amount of time for Dazai to remember where he is, who he’s with. By the time he does, you’re kneeling at the edge of the bed, an expression on your face that Dazai is just too out of it to understand, and Dazai can feel his face heating up in embarrassment, a heavy feeling of mortification spreading through his chest when he realizes how he just lashed out at you.

“Osamu,” you try again, voice a bit softer and there’s no mistaking the concern in your eyes now, but Dazai just wants to bury himself alive, throat spasming as he hides his face in his lap. “Hey, it’s-”

“Go away,” he snaps, humiliated. “Go away. I’m fine. Don’t you have a meeting to get to?”

“It can wait,” you say, too understanding. “Osamu, I-”

A burden. 

He’s a burden—he brings you issue after issue, distracts you from your work and gets you in trouble. For some reason, despite all of that, you still want him, and all he can repay you with is lashing out at you and causing more trouble. Now because he’s fucked in the head, you’re going to be late to another meeting that you can’t afford to be late to because you’re worried about him and he’s just so tired of being a liability all the time. 

“Go.” His voice cracks over the word, he hates the way it comes across as more pleading than angry; he doesn’t have to look up at you to know the way you must be looking at him. “Please just go. I’m fine. Please.”

For a terrible, terrible second, you don’t respond and Dazai thinks you might be about to press more. He’s not sure if he can handle that. He just needs you to go to your meeting so it’s one less thing that he’s fucked up for you. He needs you to go.

“Okay,” you finally say after a few moments. “Okay. I’m going to get dressed.”

The breath that Dazai lets out is too heavy and too relieved. He doesn’t dare to look up until he hears you shuffle off of the bed and make your way to your closet. His eyes slide shut as he leans his head against the wall he’d backed himself against, forcibly calming his unsteady heart.

After a few minutes, you finally come to kneel in front of him, dressed in your suit and ready to head out. He looks up at you, hoping he doesn’t look nearly as much of a mess as he feels, but he thinks he fails because the conflicted expression on your face only becomes even more worried.

“Please go,” he repeats, voice raspy.

You sigh, gaze lowering to the ground, but you nod so Dazai can only feel relief. His lashes flutter shut as you lean in to brush your lips against his forehead and again, Dazai’s chest swarms with guilt and self-loathing because he wishes he could just be normal.

“I’ll order you some takeout,” you finally say as you lean back to look at him again. “I probably won’t be back until late tonight. You have any preferences for lunch and dinner?”

Dazai’s throat spasms as he swallows. “Crab?” he asks, voice too strained for comfort.

You roll your eyes, but you smile. “You’re not eating crab for lunch and dinner,” you say lightly, and Dazai smiles back a bit, but his smile feels a lot more wobbly than yours looks. “I’ll order it for lunch, I’ll pick dinner.”

Dazai’s nose wrinkles. “No mushrooms.”

“No mushrooms,” you agree as you rise to your feet. “I’ll see you later, yeah? Call me if you need anything.”

He definitely won’t, but he nods anyway. “See you,” he whispers.

You don’t immediately walk away, lips drawn tight as you look down at him. “I love you,” you say after a few moments and Dazai inhales sharply, gaze flickering up to you.

“... I love you too,” he echoes, the tightness in his chest easing when he sees how your expression smooths out at his words. You linger for a few seconds longer before sighing and leaving your bedroom without another word.

Dazai doesn’t budge until he hears the elevator bing, signaling its arrival to your floor.

Even when he’s sure that it’s gone—and you with it—he doesn’t move. 

He doesn’t want to. His hands sting where he’d pushed you away from him and his legs feel bolted to the ground beneath him. He can hear his phone buzzing somewhere in front of him, probably tangled in the sheets he’d dragged off of the bed with him. He knows that he should get up and check—the meeting is in two hours and Dazai not only needs to get dressed, but he needs to figure out how he’s going to sneak out of this building without alerting any of your subordinates.

For you, he reminds himself as he sighs and pushes himself to his hands and knees and drags himself over to the mess of sheets on the ground, rifling through them until his hand closes around his cell phone. He’ll go to the meeting, get the information, and come back before you’re even finished with work… before that actually, he’ll need to get back by noon when you send someone here with takeout. If they show up and he’s not here, they’ll definitely report that back to you and he doesn’t want you to know that he’s going out because that’ll just cause you more stress and the whole point of this is to try to lessen your burden.

He unlocks his phone to see a few messages in the group chat and he cringes as soon as he reads them.

Koda Hinami: Is it okay if we meet a bit later today? I have an appointment in Tokyo and the soonest train I can catch is at 14:30.

Professor Ui: Does 15:30 work?

Otsuka Ayato: good with me, i’m free all day

Koda Hinami: Yup! That’s perfect.

Professor Ui: Dazai-kun?

Dazai supposes that this gives him more time at least—he doesn’t have to rush back before you send food for lunch. He doubts that you’ll be back before nightfall, and you probably won’t send dinner until 19:00 so that gives him almost four hours, which is more than enough time. He can spend the morning plotting out how he’s going to get out of the building without being seen.

Dazai: that works

He puts his phone back on the charger, a bit more pep in his step as he tells himself that he’ll make everything up to you. He pushes away all of the thoughts plaguing him, dressing himself in one of the outfits he’d left at your apartment. Those nagging feelings of doubt and self-loathing linger in spite of his attempts to shoo them away, but he does his best to ignore it. He needs to get himself into a better mood before seeing his professor and classmates—he doubts they would notice, but on the off chance they did, he needed to be ready to distract them from it in some way and he most definitely is not ready for that now.

But he has time now, so-

Was that the elevator?

Dazai’s head whips to the side to look out your bedroom door just as he finishes pulling on the new sweater you bought him. He creeps out of your bedroom slowly, wondering if you came back because you forgot something, but when he steps out of your room to the top of the staircase, he freezes because it is not you standing in the living room but instead a different, but unfortunately familiar, face.

Great, he thinks bitterly, expression twisting into distaste when he sees Nakahara Chuuya leaning on a pair of crutches. The man looks equally irate at the sight of Dazai standing on the balcony, making no effort to hide the way he scoffs and rolls his eyes. 

“Why are you here?” Dazai asks, eyes squinted as he stares down at the other man. 

He looks awful and Dazai isn’t sure why it makes him feel smug, but it does. Chuuya looks like he’s hardly able to hold himself up, leaning heavily on his crutches, face pale and beaded with sweat. He’s dressed in a thin t-shirt and sweats, so Dazai can see the aggravated scars running up his arms, but his eyes can’t help but linger on Chuuya’s hand. 

His left hand—the same one that had torn through your body, that had killed you, the same one that had tried and failed to kill him. If Dazai looks hard enough, he swears he can see the rot spreading across the other man’s skin again, from his fingertips to his wrist to his elbow, as Arahabaki takes back over, so Dazai forces his gaze back up to his face.

All of the aggression that had been plain on Chuuya’s face disappears when he notices where Dazai was looking. He shakes his head and asks roughly, “Where the hell is she?”

Dazai scowls. “Why do you want to know?” 

“You little-” Chuuya hisses, gaze sharpening. “Where is she?”

Just to be annoying, and because Dazai has no sense of self-preservation, he asks, “Why should I tell you?”

“I’m going to rip your head off,” Chuuya spits out, unnervingly quick on his crutches as he makes his way over to the staircase. Dazai darts into your bedroom, hand on the door so he can quickly slam it shut if Chuuya tries to come closer, although he’s not sure if a door is going to be enough to stop him. “Get back here.”

“You tried that already,” Dazai says lightly, watching Chuuya’s reaction carefully. “You failed, remember? … Or that’s right, you wouldn’t, would you? What’s his face… Fireboy? He mentioned that you probably wouldn’t… So, was he right? How much do you remember?”

Chuuya’s entire expression shifts at Dazai’s words, lips tightening and gaze averting down to the ground. The shame is clear on his face as he lets out a sigh, glancing up to see the bruises around Dazai’s neck just too shake his head and look away again.

“Enough,” he says quietly. “I remember enough.”

Dazai tilts his head to the side as he examines Chuuya. The scars on his arms indicate the shadow of Arahabaki’s presence in his body—Arahabaki, the violent and destructive god who had killed you and tried to kill Dazai. He expected to be more anxious around, or even scared of, Chuuya after what happened. He supposes he is to some extent, he can feel the itchiness on his tongue that always signals those unwelcome emotions approaching, but Dazai thinks it’s not because of Chuuya himself like he expected—he still feels the ever present urge to antagonize the man due to petty jealousy and the acute irritation his appearance and existence in general causes him.

 It’s natural, he rationalizes. It’s not like Chuuya is Arahabaki or Arahabaki is him, so there’s no reason for Dazai to be scared of Nakahara Chuuya. Arahabaki, on the other hand… he watched you die to it and he nearly died himself, although the former is decidedly more traumatizing, so it makes sense. But Dazai has never been fond of fear, he’s learned through his own experiences alone in Suribachi and from Odasaku that it’s the most treacherous emotion, the quickest to kill, so he’s swift in his efforts to channel those lingering nerves that Arahabaki is causing into an emotion he’s much more capable of processing: curiosity.

To kill fear of something that’s mostly unknown to him, it must first become known.

He doesn’t know much about Arahabaki, only the few vague things you mentioned and the fact that it seems to be incapable of touching Dazai without being neutralized, which Dazai supposes he can also use as a blanket of security. But he has to know more.

“Can you speak to it?” Dazai blurts out, unable to help himself from firing out the question, hardly holding back the forty more.

“What?” Chuuya asks, voice flat.

“Arahabaki,” Dazai says, and then adds, “obviously.”

Chuuya gives him a withering look and instead of responding, he repeats his question from earlier. “Where is she?”

Dazai’s lips flatten as he squints again, not appreciating the way the man blew off his question entirely, but this time he decides to respond. “She went to an executive meeting, shouldn’t you be there if you’re up and about?”

“I thought I could catch her before she left,” Chuuya sighs, suddenly looking very tired, which naturally piques Dazai’s interest because why was he trying to catch you before you left? “I’m not supposed to be up yet. Doc’s gonna fuckin’ skin me alive when he finds me.”

“Why were you looking for her?” Dazai prods.

Chuuya pointedly doesn’t respond, side-eyeing Dazai before turning to walk back down the stairs. Dazai’s jaw drops in disbelief at the way he was so blatantly ignored and darts forward, kicking his leg out to drive it into the back of Chuuya’s knee. He’s smug when the other man lets out a surprised yelp, knee buckling as he drops; he’s not quite as smug when he steadies himself with his ability and turns back to Dazai, eyes blazing.

“I’m going to kill you, you shitty bastard,” Chuuya spits out and Dazai’s eyes widen as he darts right back into your bedroom, slamming the door shut hard behind him. “Do you really think that’s going to stop me, you dumb fuck?”

Dazai presses his full body weight against the door as Chuuya drives his shoulder into it to force it open. He’s the one yelping now as he goes sprawling forward onto your floor when Chuuya pushes the door open so hard that it comes off the top hinge.

“She’ll kill you if you kill me in her apartment,” Dazai threatens before he can take another step forward, voice a bit too squeaky for comfort. “She will.”

Chuuya sounds and looks like an angry bull when he lets out a heavy breath as he tries to calm himself. Dazai almost comments on it, but he bites his tongue. He might seem to be impervious to the man’s gravity manipulating powers, but he’s not quite as impervious to the brute force he’s capable of.

“What the fuck was that for?” Chuuya hisses.

“I asked you a question,” Dazai says, raising his chin as he stands back up and looks down at Chuuya, enjoying the way the mafioso’s eye twitches when he has to look up to meet his gaze. “You ignored me.”

“You-” Chuuya begins before taking a deep breath again. “I just wanted to talk to her, that’s all.”

“But why?”

Chuuya doesn’t look amused by Dazai’s insistence, but that only makes Dazai more insistent. He clearly had a reason for seeking you out and it must’ve been an important one considering how upset he seemed after realizing that you’d left already, and nobody could really blame Dazai for being curious.

Chuuya stares at Dazai for a second before sighing. “She’s… not doing good. Boss has been putting her through the wringer lately and Piano Man said it was even worse yesterday, probably gonna be just as bad today. I wanted to check in on her before she left.”

Dazai’s throat spasms as he swallows, suddenly all of the amusement he was getting out of irritating Chuuya withers away as the man’s words register. He knew you weren’t doing good—he knew it, he could tell from the tense expression you had whenever you thought he wasn’t looking, could tell from the way your laughs and words seemed strained, could tell from the way your smile was frayed at the edges. It’s why he doesn’t want to come to you with another issue and no solution, but hearing it from someone else…

“Don’t feel bad if you didn’t notice,” Chuuya starts to say, noticing the expression on Dazai’s face. “I’m sure she’s careful to put up a front to not worry you, does that with everyone, but she’d do it especially with y-”

“I noticed,” Dazai says, bristling. “I just… Why is he putting her through the wringer? How?” 

Chuuya looks uncomfortable, like he doesn’t want to respond, and Dazai has his answer.

“Because of me,” he realizes, a lump in his throat.

“No,” Chuuya snaps before hesitating. “Not just you. He blames this whole shitshow with the Guild on her, and then there was the stuff with the Inagawa-kai and Shimazaki-kai-”

“Which happened because of me,” Dazai interjects, lashes lowering as he looks away. Dark claws pull at his heart again and Dazai can’t push them away this time.

“We were gonna go to war with them sooner or later anyway,” Chuuya says, shaking his head. “Whether it was then or later, doesn’t matter. Not on you or her.”

Dazai doesn’t think he agrees with that, and he doesn’t even think Chuuya agrees with that considering how he reacted to finding out that Dazai was the reason for you deciding to rush the attack on the Inagawa, but he doesn’t feel like arguing about it. Chuuya doesn’t let him anyway, starts talking before Dazai can get a word in.

“Now he’s pissed about the battle with Lovecraft and Steinbeck. I had to use Corruption, and I’m pretty sure he figured out that damned doctor from the Agency was the one to save her life,” he continues, grimacing. “He’s gonna hold that over her head.”

Oh? 

Dazai’s focus zeroes in on that, brows furrowing. He’d been wondering how you managed to survive the wound Arahabaki dealt but every time he asks you, you evade.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Chuuya asks brusquely, looking a bit startled almost, as if he’d forgotten he was talking to Dazai and had started venting on his own.

“Why is he going to hold it over her?” he asks carefully.

“That’s not for me to say,” Chuuya says after a few moments, much to Dazai’s frustration. “You’ll have to ask her-”

“She wouldn’t even tell me how she survived,” Dazai interrupts, annoyed. “I just want to… I want to understand what’s going on so I can help her.”

Chuuya looks conflicted, so Dazai takes the opportunity to press.

“I can’t help her if I don’t understand what’s going on, I can try to help. You’re worried about her, aren’t you?” Dazai demands, and then adds through gritted teeth, “Please.”

“Did she… tell you about her past with the Boss? During the war?” Chuuya finally asks, leaning against the railing as he waits for Dazai to respond.

“She told me that he brought her in after her town was massacred,” Dazai tells him, fingers thrumming against his thigh. “That she spent two years trying to figure out how to use her ability to help him create an immortal military unit.”

Chuuya lets out a breath as he looks away. “She wasn’t the only one that the Boss had taken in. There was another girl—Yosano Akiko—who had the ability to bring people back from the brink of death over and over and over again. From what she’s told me, and that’s not much, Yosano was prodigious with her ability and she… wasn’t. The Boss held it over her, pit the two of them against each other and to this day, compares her to Yosano. It’s a… touchy subject for her, I’m not surprised she evades it.”

Dazai’s face twists. “But she’s good at using her ability now,” he protests even though he knows it’s not that simple.

“I know,” Chuuya says, voice solemn. “Doesn’t matter though. It’ll never be enough—not for her or for him.”

Dazai has never met the Boss of the Port Mafia, but he thinks that he hates him more than anyone else Dazai has ever known. A bitter feeling claws at his chest as he thinks of a much younger you being rescued from a warzone only to find yourself in the hands of a cruel and manipulative man that guises as your savior. Dazai is not a man who has ever been inclined to turn to violence—he much prefers battles of wits—but god, if his fingers don’t twitch for it now.

The words slip from his lips before he can stop them, tight and angry: “He’s a piece of shit.”

Chuuya stares at Dazai for a moment in disbelief before barking out a laugh and then promptly slapping his hand over his mouth and forcing himself to quiet down. 

“Shut the fuck up,” he says dutifully. “He’s still the Boss.”

“Your boss, not mine.” Dazai rolls his eyes.

“Whatever,” Chuuya replies dryly, ever clever in his response. “I’m going to go try to run into her before Doc manages to sniff me out… Don’t do anything stupid while she’s gone.”

Dazai gives Chuuya a side eye. “Wasn’t planning to,” he lies, possibly. He hasn’t decided yet if going to this meeting is a stupid idea—it might be, but the rewards outweigh the risks anyway.

Chuuya stares at him for a second suspiciously. “Whatever,” he repeats, so astute. He hesitates as he moves to leave and Dazai raises his eyebrows, waiting for him to say whatever might be running through the slow brain of his.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?” Chuuya asks after a few moments, looking uncharacteristically unguarded as he stares at Dazai, waiting for an answer.

“Why would I be scared of someone the size of a slug?” Dazai counters, giving Chuuya a simpering smile as the man’s face immediately tightens in anger.

“You’re incorrigible,” Chuuya spits.

“Big word for such a small brain,” he taunts, “did she teach you it?”

Chuuya doesn’t even respond, hissing out insults under his breath as he promptly makes his way back down the stairs. 

Dazai is unbearably pleased with himself as he gives the ginger a mocking wave while he waits for the elevator, leaning over the railing looking down at the first floor. Chuuya promptly flips Dazai off, face so red that it clashes painfully with his hair.

As soon as Chuuya’s in the elevator and out of sight, Dazai disregards the warning and begins the first phase of his plan—finding your laptop to see if you happen to have a layout of the building anywhere on it so he can figure out how to sneak out—suddenly feeling significantly more inspired to do whatever he can to ease the burden that’s been placed on you.

You know something is wrong when you get up to your apartment and find it dead silent—there’s no trashy reality show playing in the living room, no sound of that new fighting game that Dazai had bought on your card, no excited call of your name because you came home early with food instead of sending someone with it. The elevator closes behind you and the takeout in your left hand weighs uncomfortably heavy, your gaze draws from the hallway leading to the guest room over to the kitchen.

He’s not in the living room and you don’t see him in the kitchen, so you look up at the stairs leading to your bedroom. Maybe he went back to sleep—you could tell this morning that he hadn’t slept much, if at all, last night, and when Albatross stopped by with lunch for him (after much complaining, naturally), he said that Dazai looked half dead on his feet. 

It’s why you made sure to finish up your last meeting early—it was a video call with Tolstoy anyway, he didn’t mind you running out early, only wanted to let you know that he had to go with Repin to New York but could be in Yokohama by the end of the day on Thursday if you needed. You don’t really want to rely on the Three Deaths for help in this conflict, it would make the Port Mafia look weak, but depending on how this vote goes in the Diet on Friday, you might not have a choice. The Port Mafia isn’t in the position to handle the full force of the Guild and the military at the same time. 

Why didn’t he come down when he heard the elevator?

You place the food down on the table in the living room before making your way to the staircase. He must be up there, so you don’t know why you suddenly feel so dreadful and you don’t know why it’s suddenly hard for you to make yourself move forward, like you’re walking through waist-deep water and the current is running against you. Your heart thuds painfully in your chest as you walk up the stairs to your bedroom.

He’s sleeping.

Since when was your staircase so long, it feels like each step you go up, ten more appear in front of you. You’re half convinced that it’s an ability messing with you and not just your mind playing tricks.

He’s a light sleeper. He would’ve woken up.

By the time you get up to your apartment, you know he won’t be there, but your heart still sinks to your feet when you push your door open and see the bed empty and the bathroom door open. 

Dazai is nowhere to be seen.

Your lashes flutter as you force yourself to take a deep breath, trying to keep yourself calm. You’re stiff as you walk back out to the balcony looking over your apartment. Your voice is just as tense as you raise your voice to call: “Osamu?”

No response. 

Shit, you think, vision spinning a bit as you shut your eyes, counting your breaths as your heart rate spikes. Shit, where did he go? Did someone break in? No. No one could have gotten through the building’s security. He must have left… but why? Why would he do that when he knows how dangerous it is out there? How did he sneak out with no one noticing? It doesn’t make sense.

You shouldn’t have left this morning. You knew that you shouldn't have left the moment you stepped into the elevator, but he’d just been so distressed and the longer you lingered, the worse it got. It was only when you agreed to go that he finally started calming down, so you thought you were doing what was best for him, regardless of how it made you feel, but fuck, you should have known better.

You blame Mori. You always blame Mori, but the bitterness and anger is so intense now that it has your blood pressure skyrocketing. He’s been keeping you busy on purpose—busy and angry and stressed—you’ve hardly even gotten the chance to talk to Dazai since everything that happened. When you do have time with him, you’re either exhausted or in a bad mood trying to mask it from him. He watched Arahabaki kill you, he almost died, and-

And he killed someone.

It’s a fact that you've yet to fully acknowledge yourself; it makes you sick with guilt and self-loathing, knowing that it’s your fault that it happened and that you had promised him it wouldn’t. And it’s selfish because it means he’s been coping on his own and how is a twenty-two year old kid whose biggest problem three weeks ago was a group project supposed to cope with the fact that he killed someone?

This morning had been a red flag—one that you should’ve listened to, but instead, you took the easy way out. You didn’t know what to do without being able to use your ability to calm someone down, you’ve done it for Chuuya countless times, Klaus and Akutagawa too, but for Dazai, you could only watch as he worked himself up into a panic attack over everything that happened, the only thing seemingly calming him down being you leaving. So you left. 

But you should have stayed. You never should have left him—not yesterday after the attack, not this morning. He doesn’t belong in this life, he never has, but you dragged him into it anyway and now what? You’re leaving him to process it on his own? You’re leaving him to cope with the consequences of your actions? Your selfishness? What else was supposed to happen besides him getting overwhelmed and having a breakdown over it? 

Of course he ran—you can’t blame him, how else is he supposed to react to all of this? There’s no way that the average kid would ever be able to come to terms with what had happened yesterday, especially not alone, without any sort of support system to help him. Cooped up in your apartment with only his own mind as company—of course he ran.

You had been his life jacket and you had left him to drown. 

You need to find him. He had to have gone back to his apartment, unless…

Your throat feels tight as you swallow, remembering the morning you woke up to the call from the hospital.

Fuck, you have to-

The elevator?

Your gaze cuts down to the first floor of your apartment, watching as the elevator doors slide open. You watch with bated breath as you wait for whoever came up to your apartment to step out of the elevator, fingers wrapped tight around your phone. 

It’s only when a familiar head of brown hair steps out of it can you finally breathe.

Dazai doesn’t look half as much of the mess he was this morning—there’s more of a pep to his step, his face doesn’t look as gaunt and pale, he’s dressed in one of the cashmere sweaters and comfortable dress pants you bought him. He looks… good, like he did before everything that happened—untainted by all of the darkness you’ve brought into his life.

What changed from this morning?

He freezes as soon as he sees the takeout that you dropped on the coffee table, shrugging his backpack off of his shoulders and dropping it to the ground near where you hang your jackets. His eyes are wide as he looks around the apartment trying to pinpoint where you are, it takes him a few seconds before he finally looks up and sees you staring down at him from the balcony.

The smile he gives you is nervous and it puts you on edge. 

“Hi,” he says sheepishly. “You’re back early.”

You’re relieved—you are. He’s okay. He’s safe. He’s back. He didn’t run off and get himself hurt, or worse. The Guild didn’t get their hands on him. He’s safe and you’re relieved. 

So why are you still so tense and angry?

“What did you get to eat?” he presses, creeping forward to look at the bag of food on the table. He sniffs as he peeks inside. “Chinese?”

“Where were you?” you finally ask. 

Your voice sounds distant even to your own ears, your body feels tense no matter how much you try to relax. Dazai looks up at you with wide eyes, a hesitant expression on his face like he doesn’t want to admit to wherever he went and you can hear blood rushing through your ears as frustration washes over you. 

God, you’ve just spent a whole day dealing with Mori and various other unsavory people—you’d been looking forward to coming home to Dazai and now he’s pulling this. You know you need to calm down, that you shouldn’t take out your general irritation of the day onto him when he’s already had a rough few days, but fuck the least he could do is-

“I went for a walk.”

The least he could do is not lie to you.

“You went for a walk,” you echo flatly.

“Mhm. I went for a walk,” he agrees.

You stare down at him from the balcony, not budging an inch. Dazai shifts uncomfortably under your stare, and a part of you thinks you should go downstairs and just drop this but you can’t. Dazai is lying to you—why he’s lying to you is an issue in itself, but you’re more concerned with knowing where he actually went because you need to make sure that no public CCTV tapes caught him going to and from the headquarters.

“Where did you walk to?” you ask, voice tight.

“Just… around.”

You inhale sharply and look away, biting your tongue to force yourself to calm down. “Osamu,” you say his name, low with warning when he tries to evade answering the question properly. 

He bristles. “I didn’t realize I was under house arrest,” he says defensively, raising his voice a little.

Your eye twitches as you take a sharp breath and step away from the balcony. You pace a few steps back to your room and look up at the ceiling, willing yourself the patience to not let this blow up into an argument. It’s the last thing the two of you need right now, but god he’s making it difficult.

After a few moments, you drag yourself back over to the staircase. This time, instead of leaning against the railing and looking down at him, you make your way down the steps so you can stand in front of him, arms folded across your chest. Dazai looks guilty already, chewing the inside of his cheek as he refuses to look you in the eye. 

“Osamu, I’ve had a long day. Please just tell me where you went so I can make sure no cameras caught you going to and from the headquarters,” you say tiredly. “You’re not under house arrest, I just-we need to be careful the next few weeks, okay? Just until things calm down.”

“I just went to the school,” Dazai finally admits.

Instantly, your brows are furrowing. “The school?” you question, confused. “You don’t have classes today after twelve. Why did you go there? And why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve had Albatross drive you.”

The way Dazai refuses to meet your eyes is unsettling. You feel even more on edge than before as you wait for him to respond. Fuck, you just wanted to have a glass of wine and watch him play one of his stupid games. 

“It wasn’t for class, I was meeting people for a group project,” he says after a few moments, pointedly not answering your second question.

A group project.

The only ‘group project’ he has is for his journalism class… and the fact that he didn’t tell you so you could have someone drive him…

“You met with Ui,” you realize, staring blankly at Dazai. “Why?”

“I was helping,” Dazai says and however much on edge you might’ve been before, you’re even more now. “I was-”

“You were helping?” you ask, not sure what that might mean and not even sure if you want to know. 

Ui is bad news and for Dazai to go out to meet him now of all times… He’s supposed to be smart. You rub your face with your hands, feeling the tightly wound cord that’s been threatening to snap for the past twenty-four hours becoming even more strained. It’s only a matter of time before it does snap and you don’t want Dazai to take the brunt of your anger, not when most of it is directed at Mori.

“I was!” Dazai insists, voice getting louder. You can see the way his fists are closing and opening at his sides and how his nails leave bloody crescents in his palms. You tell yourself to calm down and talk this out with him, that you’re both not in the best mental states and you need to be lenient with him, but his next words are enough to send you teetering off the edge. “I was helping, I helped. He texted last night saying he had a tip-off about our project and I went to go figure out what it was so I could warn you.”

What the fuck?

“Why on earth would you ever go there on your own?” you hiss, just barely maintaining enough control to not raise your voice at him. “Especially after what happened yesterday. The Guild knows about you, Osamu. It could’ve been a set up.”

God, you almost want to rip out your hair. In what world could he have possibly thought that was a good idea. The Ivory Eagle getting a tip-off the same night after a major conflict with the Guild is not a coincidence and you should probably be more focused on that than you are, but you just can’t get over Dazai’s stupidity. 

If he had used that brain that you know he has, he would have realized it was no coincidence. The Guild must have gone to the Ivory Eagle with information about the Port Mafia and considering that Steinbeck made a comment about Fitzgerald getting the confirmation he needed about Dazai…

Fuck, you feel sick. 

“Oh yeah, because my professor is going to set me up to be captured by a criminal organization, right,” he says sarcastically.

“You don’t know shit about this world, Osamu,” you snap at him, taking a step closer but he doesn’t budge, unrepentant. “The lengths people will go to so they can take the Mafia down. Do you even know why the Ivory Eagle is so set on us?”

“That doesn’t matter-”

“Of course it matters-”

“No, it doesn’t,” he interrupts, voice pitched with hysteria. “What matters is that I helped. I got the information you need and-and I can help more. I can help more, I’m not incapable, I don’t need to be a liability anymore. You should be thanking me, not yelling at me. I-“

What is your life? 

You almost want to cry as you shake your head and take a step away and press your hands to your lips. You can’t do this right now—not after the day you had today and yesterday, you’re going to snap and say something you regret. You need to end this conversation before it goes any further.

“No. No, I am not having this conversation with you. Sit down on the couch, eat the food I bought and be quiet.” 

“I’m having this conversation,” Dazai, much to your distress, presses the conversation. “I’m tired of being a liability, I want to be helpful-“

Helpful? What is he even getting at? He better not be getting at what you think he’s getting at?

“What the fuck, Osamu?” you demand. “You’re not a liability, where is this coming from?”

“If I’m not a liability then let me help-“

Oh my god.

“No.”

“Why?” He sounds more like he’s begging than arguing now and your heart feels like it’s lodged in your throat because you don’t know what you’ve done to make him feel like he’s a liability to you, and more importantly, you don’t know how to fix it. “I can do it. I can. And this way, there doesn’t have to be push back from your friends about us—not if I’m part of the organization too, and-”

What the fuck is your life?

You can’t even hide the way your expression twists at his words, can’t hide the way you instinctually step away from him, can’t hide the way that your hands tremble so you stuff them in your pockets and shake your head furiously. A part of you wants to believe that you’d just imagined those last few words but they ring so soundly through your head that you know you didn’t.

“What the f…” You don’t even know what to say as you stare at him in disbelief. He’s still talking, you can see his lips moving but you can’t hear anything. Your ears are ringing and you’re desperately trying to make sure the wound up cord inside you doesn’t snap. “Hold on. Hold on. You are not part of this life, Osamu. You’re a civilian-“

“I killed someone,” Dazai cries out. His voice wavers and cracks, his eyes are wide and wild, and his hands are shaking just as much as yours but he’s not even thinking straight enough to hide them like he usually would. “What type of civilian kills people? I don’t-I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t belong there, I belong with you.”

“You killed one person in self defense, someone who was trying to kill us. That’s nothing compared to being in the Mafia, Osamu.” You try to calm him down but you don’t think there’s any calming him down now and you feel sick at the sight of him collapsing like this. You do your best to soften your tone as you continue, “Why would you want to be in the Mafia? Come on, Osamu, you’ve got good things going for you, your friend’s book to write, you don’t want this.”

“I can’t just go back to worrying about classes and homework after all of this,” he says, voice pitched as he shakes his head and tugs his hair a bit. “I can’t. I don’t belong there, I belong here, I stopped being a civilian the moment you let me into your life-”

“That’s not fair,” you breathe out, shaking your head. “That is not fair, Osamu. You forced yourself into my life just as much as I let you into it. That’s not fair.”

“It’s the truth. You could’ve cut me off at any point and you know that. You admitted it,” he hisses at you, throwing your words back into your face and it feels like a slap. “So, you can’t sit there and judge me for trying to make the most of it so things can be easier on both of us. I can do this. I belong here, belong with you. I helped you figure out how to try to get the Guild out of Yokohama, I sat there and helped you with plans, I killed someone, and I got this information for you—the Port Mafia would’ve stumbled right into the trap if I hadn’t. And you should be thanking me. You should be thanking me.”

Just like that, the cord snaps.

“This isn’t something to be fucking proud of, Osamu,” you shout at him, but he doesn’t even flinch, stands his ground about what he wants and it only pisses you off more. “None of this is shit to be proud of. Do you think I’m proud of who I am? You think Chuuya, or the Flags, or Klaus are? Do you think any of us are proud of what we do? Fuck, Osamu, how can you sit here and ask me to let you be part of this?”

“Because I could help. I could help you. Arahabaki couldn’t kill me, couldn’t even touch me—I could help, I could be the one sent to handle it instead of you. And-and I could do more, no one would expect a college kid to be part of the Mafia, I’d be able to get information for you, and I could-”

“Enough!” Your voice goes hoarse as you yell at him, unable to listen to this anymore. “Enough, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

You don’t see the way Dazai’s face falls at your words, the crestfallen expression that crosses over his face as soon as your words process through his head. You turn away from him, breathing heavily because you think you feel nauseous. 

How the fuck did this happen? 

You can’t let anyone find out about Dazai—his type of ability, the nullification, not even the West has developed anti-ability technology to this degree, they would kill to get their hands on Dazai. They’d put the bounty that had been on Atsushi to shame and you wouldn’t be able to protect him. He’d spend the rest of his life in labs being experimented on so they could replicate his ability in weapons.

Your phone starts ringing and you don’t even look to see who it is before you’re muttering out an excuse to Dazai and lifting it to your ear, pacing back to the stairs to go up to your bedroom for a few minutes alone to calm yourself down.

Except naturally, the person on the other line only induces more stress in you.

“How prompt, you’re not usually so quick to answer the phone when you’re with that little distraction of yours, little hime… lover’s spat, perhaps?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“I thought you were someone else,” you say, voice dry and sharp. “Why are you calling me so late? Haven’t I seen enough of you today?” 

Mori laughs airly on the opposite line. “My, your time spent with that boy has sharpened your tongue… To think that all it would take for you to start stepping out of your shell is this…”

“I’m not in the mood,” you cut him off before he can continue, tongue running along the back of your teeth in frustration. “What do you want?” 

“There’s an issue at a warehouse by our ports in Shinko. The ones with the weapons being ready for transportation to Brazil. Take your subordinate and go ensure nothing is out of order—we can’t afford to be late on another shipment to Machado considering you redirected the last one to Paz.”

Instantly, you’re rolling your eyes. “Shinko is Ace’s port. Send him to get control over his territory,” you snap. “I’m busy.”

“Unfortunately, I’ve asked you. So, you’ll be going. You’ve caused enough trouble the past few weeks, I recommend you do as told without making a fuss.”

You grit your teeth but you bite back the next comment threatening to spill from your lips. Instead, you ask tightly, “What’s the issue there? What am I walking into?” 

Mori doesn’t respond for a moment. “... I’m not sure. Ace got word from one of his subordinates that something was going down there, but the line went dead before he could get a response. Our cameras are down. Take your subordinate, I can have the Black Lizards ready if you wish too.”

“No,” you say, shaking your head, wandering over to your closet to grab one of your longer dark jackets. As you shrug it over your shoulders, you say, “I’ll go figure it out. I’m not making it into a big operation.”

Mori sighs. “If that’s what you want… Call me once you’re done.”

You roll your eyes as you hang up the phone, stuffing it in your pocket before leaving your room. “Look, Osamu,” you say loudly as you head down the stairs. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let that escalate like that. I have to head out for a bit but…”

Your voice trails off when you make it down the steps and find that Dazai is nowhere to be seen. Instantly, that sick, dreadful feeling returns.

“Osamu?” you call louder, voice a bit more strained, cracking over his name. 

No response.

Fuck.

“Fuck!” you shout, slamming your hands against the back of the couch before resting on it, trying to push back the nausea that builds up quickly in your through. 

You fumble for your phone, finding Dazai’s contact so you can call him but your hopes are quashed when you hear it buzzing on the floor near where you’re standing—must’ve fallen out of his pocket in his rush to leave. Your vision blurs and your eyes sting with tears, your breath becomes so shuddered that you think you might be on the verge of a panic attack.

God, you can’t even remember the last time you cried, but your cheeks are unmistakably wet and there’s no torrential downpour for you to mask them with.

Now’s not the time to cry, though. You need to move. The ports are on the way to Dazai’s apartment—you’ll check out what’s happening there and if there’s some sort of disturbance, you’ll… shit, you don’t even know. Chuuya is out of commission from Corruption, Akutagawa is out of commission because the wounds he received from Arahabaki aggravated his respiratory issue, and Klaus is out of commission because he’s still suffering the effects of using his ability to heal himself as much as he did.

Maybe you’ll see if Iceman and Albatross can handle it, but Albatross already did you a favor today…

You’ll figure it out as you drive there. You can’t waste time on it now, you need to get moving. The quicker you get to the ports, the better.

Because you need to get to Dazai. 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Your words ring through Dazai’s head on repeat as he stumbles down the sidewalks in the direction of his apartment complex. He can hardly even breathe, his breath is ragged and uneven and his vision is so blurry that he can hardly see where he’s stepping.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dazai doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He’s always known that there was something wrong with him—it’s why people could hardly stand to look at him, why his mother killed herself, why his aunt abandoned him, why no matter how hard he tried to be likable, people still turned their back to him. He’s always known there was something fundamentally wrong with him, but when he’s with you, you make him forget that. 

You make him feel normal. Make him feel human. Like there was never anything wrong with him, but it was everyone else in the world who was wrong instead. Like he didn’t deserve everything bad that’s happened to him. 

Dazai has never had faith in anything—not in any god because that would mean he had to admit that even god had forsaken him and certainly not in himself because Dazai has only ever failed himself, but he had faith in you. He let himself have hope when he was with you because you looked at him like he was worthy of being loved, like he was the only thing in the world that mattered to you.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You looked at Dazai like you’ve never really seen him before that moment and he just… He couldn’t stay there, not with you looking at him like that, not when he realized the day that he’s been dreading has finally come to pass. 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You’ve finally seen what everyone else does when they look at him. He knew this day was coming. He knew it, and he knew he’d been pressing his luck, that he was on borrowed time, but he had hope. He had hope that maybe this time would be different, that someone would see past all of his fronts and love him for him but he should’ve known better. Dazai is not someone capable of being loved. His own blood scorned and rejected him, the woman who gave birth to him killed herself to be free of him—Dazai is not someone capable of being loved. 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

He hiccups over another intake of air, tripping over uneven ground before steadying himself against the brickwall of a nearby building. He can see his apartment complex in the distance, it’s not far now, but Dazai feels sick. He feels sick and he can hardly breathe and-

And he misses you. He wants to go back to your apartment even if he’s met with contemptuous looks and rejection. He presses his hand to his mouth to hide the way he nearly chokes over a dry sob, feeling far too lost and alone. If he doesn’t belong with you, he doesn’t belong with anyone. Doesn’t belong anywhere. He wants to call you and ask you to come get him just to see if you’ll show, but he’s too scared that you won’t—and he doesn’t feel the familiar weight of his phone in his pocket anyway.

He forces himself to keep moving forward. He’s tired and it’s cold and Dazai just wants to lay in his cheap futon and cling to the thinning hope that you might come for him even if you did think he was a monster just like the rest of the world.

His feet drag against the concrete, the noise around him drowns out and his surroundings blur together, he keeps his gaze pinned to the ground as he moves forward. 

What is wrong with him? He’d known you were stressed with work, Nakahara Chuuya had told him that you were doing a lot worse than you were letting on, and he thought going out and putting himself in danger would be helpful… He’d just been so blinded by the idea of doing something useful…

It’s not until he gets to the steps of the complex that he realizes something is wrong. That someone is watching him. His gaze lifts as he looks around, eyes wide—for a moment, he doesn’t see anybody and he’s about to rush into the building but then he sees the shadow of a figure shift out of the overhang, waving his hand in the air.

“There you are, we’ve been waiting for ya,” a cheerful voice greets and Dazai’s hair stands on end as his gaze focuses on an unfamiliar redhead. He has an accent—American—and holds a handgun haphazardly in the hand he’s waving. “Damn, you look like you’ve had a shit night.”

This must be a member of the Guild.

You were right—they have been looking for Dazai and he… he just walked right into their hands. He lets out a breath, gaze darting up to the gun before swiveling around the area. He can’t outrun a gun, but he doubts that they’re going to shoot to kill if they plan to use him against you. If he could at least get a bit further out on the sidewalk… you have your subordinates monitor those cameras, they would see him get taken and report to you and-

And you would come for him. You would. You had to. 

Right?

“Thanks for the flashdrive, by the way,” the man grins as he bounds down the steps closer to Dazai. Dazai takes steps back to match the steps the Guild member takes forward, hoping that he can get far enough into the view of the cameras. “We can finally get little miss princess out of the way. Now that girl is a piece of work, takin’ this city’s gonna be much easier with her behind bars.”

Dazai stops dead in his tracks.

“What?” he breathes out. “What did you just say?”

His smile sharpens as he lifts his hand, showing off a very familiar hard drive tucked between his middle and index finger. “Gotta give you props, we’ve been trying for so long to get something to hold over her. She’s one slippery bitch, that’s for sure. And she’s got way too many allies. I kinda wanted to meet her just to see what all of the hype is about, but guess I’m not gonna get the chance.”

Dazai can hardly think—or, he is thinking but he’s thinking too much, so much that he can’t even tell one thought from the next because they’re all tumbling over each other and jumbling together.

“Give me that,” Dazai whispers before steadying his voice. “Give me that back now.”

The redhead shrugs and tosses him the flash drive. He cradles it to his chest instantly, throat spasming as he swallows.

“Sure,” the other man says. “Not like it matters, damage is already done. Hear that?”

Dazai becomes acutely aware of the sirens in the distance and he shakes his head, not willing to believe what’s happening. He-he can’t even do anything—he can’t call you to warn you, can’t out run a gun. Dazai feels so frustrated that he’s almost sick again. He’s never felt so entirely helpless before, never not been able to think his way out of a situation.

This is all his fault. 

He never should have sought out this footage, he should’ve destroyed it ages ago. He can never do anything right. He understands now why so many people were against him being in your life and for a brief second, he wishes that they’d succeeded in convincing you to cut him off because you’d be better off that way.

This is his fault.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Sorry kid,” he sighs lazily, not sounding sorry at all. “I fear I’m boutta make your shitty night a whole lot worse. Go on, James. Let’s bring him in.”

Dazai doesn’t even have the chance to react when he catches movement from the corner of his eye, a baton cracks against the side of his head so hard that his brain rattles against his skull and he doesn’t even register hitting the ground until he can feel the cool concrete against the side of his face.

Dazai’s vision blurs before it starts fading in and out, his body limp and uncooperative even as he tries to drag himself away from his assailants. He feels two hands grab him and hoist him over their shoulder, and as his body finally starts to succumb to the tantalizing lull of darkness, all he can think of is you.

I’m sorry, he thinks, wishing you could hear him. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’msorryimsorryimsorryi-

You hear police sirens in the distance as you arrive at the ferry leading to Shinko. It takes about five seconds for irritation to cloud your mind, realizing that the ferrymaster is not, in fact, waiting for you even though you called Ace and told him to have the ferry ready for you so you can check this out as soon as possible. You hate that despicable man but you need to get to Dazai, so speaking to him was a displeasure you were forced to deal with.

What a bastard, you think bitterly, shooting a text to Albatross to ask if he’s busy. You sigh as you lean against the cool wall, tilting your head up to look up at the colors the setting sun paints across the sky as you wait for a response.

You never should’ve let that fight escalate.

The thought has been plaguing you since you left your apartment. You knew better. Dazai is a civilian, he’s struggling to cope with everything that’s happened, of course he’s going to feel out of place with other civilians after what he saw, after what he did. He’d already opened up to you about his struggles to fit in with people and you knew this would make those insecurities worse but…

But hearing him say that he belonged in the Mafia scared you. He doesn’t belong there and he seemed to well and truly believe that it was the only place for him. The thought of the likes of Mori getting his hands on Dazai’s nullifying ability… It scared you beyond words could describe. Dazai belongs with you, yes, but he doesn’t belong with the Mafia. 

Still, you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did. Of course he ran, he’d been on the verge of collapse and you yelled at him, you scorned him, he was lost and looking for something to hold onto, looking for you to tell him everything would be okay, and you walked away.

Your eyes sting again. Even though no one is around to bear witness, you still close them to hide the way they mist over with regret. You’ve made many mistakes in your life—mistakes that got Itou killed, mistakes that ruined Chuuya’s life, and now mistakes that might’ve pushed away the only person who you could safely say loved you for who you are, unconditionally and unrepentantly.

You only force yourself to reopen your eyes when you feel your phone buzzing again, hopefully Albatross responding to your text. Before you can even unlock your phone, there are several more texts coming through, too quick for you to read what they’re saying—Chuuya, Kouyou, Doc, Lippmann, Piano Man, Klaus. You straighten, a heavy feeling settling over you as you look down at your phone and get ready to click one of the messages from Kouyou.

It’s only when Iceman calls that you pick up.

“What’s going on?” you ask, your voice steady even if your throat spasms with nerves.

Is it Dazai? Did something happen to him?

“Where are you?” Iceman demands. “I’m in the car with Albatross. Give us your location now.”

“I’m at the ferry terminal leading to Shinko. What is going on? Is Os-Dazai okay?” you question sharply, fingers tight and trembling around your phone. “Iceman-”

“I don’t know shit about your boyfriend,” Iceman snaps. “Have you even seen the news?”

You pull your phone from your ear without another word, fingers trembling as you pull up the news app. Your ears ring with the approaching police sirens as you read the trending headline, vision swimming and a shaky breath escaping your lips as you lean your weight against the wall so you don’t crumple to the ground. 

Vice Chair of the Mori Corporation suspected of Mafia affiliation after the release of footage from behind the Tokyo City Hall. What does this mean for the rest of the Corporation?

“No,” you breathe out, shaking your head as you stare down at the news article. You can hear Iceman and Albatross yelling on the opposite line, trying to get your attention, but you can hardly make out what they’re saying. The sound of the sirens is too loud, too near. “This isn’t real. We… got rid of the…”

“Footage from behind the Tokyo City Hall… you and the ginger with the ugly hat… splattered six guys against the wall.”

Dazai… what did you do?

No, he would never. No matter how upset he is at you. He would never hand over the footage. The real question is: what happened to him? How did they get ahold of the footage he’s been hiding? What did they do to him?

You feel sick as soon as the thought crosses your mind. The regret you felt moments before triples, quadruples, weighs on you so heavily that you think if you jumped in the bay, you would sink to the bottom. You never should have let the fight escalate, never should have given him the chance to leave.

You can see the flashing lights now, they’re rapidly closing in on you. You need to think—you don’t have much time left. You need to figure out how the Ivory Eagle got their hands on the video; they had to have gotten it through Dazai, but because Dazai would never give it up willingly… And the meeting about the tip-off right after the conflict with the Guild where Steinbeck confirmed that Fitzgerald knew about Dazai… 

The Guild must be involved. They must have worked with the journalists. They did the dirty work to get the footage from Dazai and passed it along to the journalists. You could send Klaus after the journalists, but it would condemn you if they were attacked or killed the day after they released an exposé on you. It would all but confirm your position in the mafia.

But Dazai could be in trouble.

And just like that, your decision is made.

“It’s too late, the cops are here,” you finally tell Iceman, “don’t bother coming.”

“But-”

“Shut up and listen to me, I don’t have much time,” you say sharply. “Ace set this up—have Piano Man call an executive meeting to have him executed. The Ivory Eagle journalism house. There’s a journalist called Ui Koutarou working there. He needs to be captured and interrogated immediately. Tonight. There’s a good chance that they worked with the Guild to get this video. Have Klaus do it, he’ll know what to do once he has the information… Kill the rest of them, I want them dead before I’m out on bail.”

“If we kill them now-”

“I know,” you spit. “I know what it means for me. I don’t care. Have it done.”

With Klaus behind the interrogation, as soon as Ui cracks and admits they had the Guild get the video through force from Dazai, he’ll know to go after the Guild to get to Dazai, and hopefully, Ui will have decent enough information about how he should go about it. If all goes well, Dazai will be back in your apartment and under a serious protection detail before you even get released from holding.

If it doesn’t go well… you’ll be arraigned by the court either tomorrow or the day after, Mori or Lippmann will handle bail, and you’ll put the Guild in its fucking grave before the prosecution is forced to drop the charges against you.

Dazai just needs to wait for you. 

He needs to trust you, even if he doesn’t have much reason to right now.

You toss your phone into the bay as several police cars skid to a stop at the front of the pier. The sirens are loud and piercing, the lights blinding, and you can hardly hear the words the officers are shouting as they approach you with guns drawn. You can hear the rotor blades of a helicopter thundering in the air above you as a spotlight shines down on you and the approaching officers.

You lift your hands in the air before you’re forced to your knees, arms twisted painfully behind your back as metal cuffs are locked around your wrists. You're dragged back to your feet, and the charges against you and your rights are read, but you don’t hear any of it. Your mind is only trained on one thing—one person.

Dazai, you think desperately, wait for me.

[blackenedsnow]

Heyy, if you’re comfortable doing so could I please get some Beetlejuice x fem!reader who’s a single mom? Just pretty much him being soft and comforting letting her know she’s doing a good job etc? Thank you in advance 💕💕💕 can be a proper fic or headcanons I’ll let you decide xx

beyond it

WARNING: References to the stress of single motherhood

PAIRING: Beetlejuice x Single Mother! Reader

NOTE: I absolutely loved writing this!! I hope you enjoy this, and thank you so much for the request 💕💕

SUMMARY: Beetlejuice surprises you by being a source of comfort, helping you see that you’re doing better than you give yourself credit for.

It was late—too late for you to still be up. But as a single mom, you didn’t have the luxury of falling into bed as soon as the day ended. No, there were dishes to clean, laundry to fold, and tomorrow to worry about. And of course, your child had woken up twice already, needing reassurance from a nightmare.

You were running on fumes, slumped on the couch, your face buried in your hands. It felt like all you ever did was work. Just when you thought you could finally close your eyes and sleep, your thoughts picked up again—worrying about what needed to be done tomorrow, whether you were doing enough, whether your child was okay.

“Hey, dollface, rough night?”

This fucking guy.

That voice—raspy, familiar—cut through the fog of exhaustion like nails on a chalkboard. Beetlejuice. You didn’t bother looking up. He was probably lounging in his usual spot, perched on the armrest of your couch with a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"Go away, BJ," you muttered half-heartedly. "Not tonight."

The ghoul groaned dramatically. "Aw, come on! And here I thought we were past the whole 'piss off, Beej' stage of our relationship." You felt a cold presence next to you, then his hand—decaying yet surprisingly gentle—lightly brushed your shoulder. "I mean, after all the times I’ve stuck around, don’t I get any appreciation?"

You exhaled sharply, finally lifting your head. "Appreciation? For what, exactly?"

"For being a goddamn delight, babes!" Beetlejuice beamed, leaning back against the couch and spreading his arms wide. "For hanging around when no one else does. Gotta say, not a lot of folks could handle a single mom with your level of stress."

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't hide the tiny smile tugging at your lips. "If by 'hanging around,' you mean constantly being a nuisance, then yeah, sure."

Beetlejuice chuckled, his voice rough yet oddly soothing. His eyes, usually wild and manic, softened just a bit as they focused on you. “Ah, you love it. Don’t lie, babe.”

You shook your head, sinking deeper into the couch. "I’m just… tired, Beej. I'm really tired."

For once, he didn’t launch into another sarcastic quip. Instead, Beetlejuice shifted closer, his body language relaxed but attentive. “Yeah, I know. I can see it. You’ve been runnin' yourself ragged for, what, weeks? Months?”

Your eyes welled up, but you quickly blinked the tears away. “I just… I feel like I’m not doing enough. There’s always something I’m missing, something I should be doing better.”

Beetlejuice’s hand rested fully on your shoulder now, his touch surprisingly solid. "Oh, come on, you're killing it out here, babe. You think your kid’s got it bad? They've got you. And lemme tell ya, you’re doing a hell of a job. Better than most."

You glanced over at him, surprised by his sincerity. "Really? You think so?"

“Are you kidding? Babe, I see it. I see you juggling work, taking care of the kid, making sure they're happy. And yeah, it’s messy and chaotic, but guess what? They're fine. They're happy, ‘cause you’re busting your ass for 'em.” He leaned in a little closer, his expression for once free of mischief. “You’re doin' more than enough."

His words hit you hard, in a way you hadn’t expected. You didn’t know why, but hearing it from Beetlejuice—someone who you never thought would care about anything—meant something. It eased the tight knot that had been sitting in your chest all day.

“I just don’t want to mess them up,” you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. “They deserve better than… than this.”

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there, sweetheart." Beetlejuice’s voice softened. He slipped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close. “They've got you, and that’s more than enough. You’re not perfect—who the hell is?—but you're trying. And that's what matters. Trust me, when they grow up, they're gonna see that.”

You allowed yourself to lean into him, resting your head against his chest. His suit smelled like a mix of dirt and decay, but there was something oddly comforting about the way he held you, like he was actually trying to be there for you, to support you in his own weird way.

“Hey, tell you what,” he said, his voice low. “Next time you feel like crap, I’ll stick around. We’ll cause some shit together, huh? Might help take the edge off.”

You chuckled softly, wiping at your eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”

Beetlejuice grinned, but it wasn’t the mischievous, cocky smirk you were used to. It was softer, almost tender. “You’re doin' good, doll. Don’t let anyone—including yourself—tell you otherwise.”

You looked up at him, and for the first time since he’d shown up in your life, you realized how much you appreciated him. Not just as the obnoxious ghost who wouldn’t leave you the fuck alone, but as someone who—despite his crude humor and questionable ethics—actually cared. Maybe not in the typical way, but in a way that mattered.

"Thanks, Beej," you whispered, closing your eyes as you let the exhaustion finally catch up to you. "I mean it."

Beetlejuice stayed quiet for a moment, just holding you close. "Anytime, babe. Anytime."

[mitch-the-silly]

Totally love your works. I have an angst idea 😆 so fem!reader and Vox have been in a long term relationship, like during the time Alastor was gone. Now that he's back, he's become his obsession and starts to neglect reader and brushes any affection she's trying to give and receive off. When she finally tries to talk to him about how he's focusing all his energy on the radio demon, he basically goes off on her and says how it's the only thing that matters. She, feeling unimportant, leaves and it's not until he sees her things gone from their shared place that he realizes he fucked up.

Can lead to him groveling like a simp and end in fluff comfort and makeouts. Or can end there if you wanted to leave your readers in suspense if you want to do it in two parts 😈 muaha I'm evil.

RAHHHHHH!!!!

I took some time with this one because I had to cook it up with care. When I tell you Alastor and Vox's dynamic is what I BREATHE FOR-

Now add someone else to the mix on Vox's side- This is something I've been waiting to write for WEEKS-

RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I was going feral writing this- Anyway, enjoy your angst >:DDD

This is a two parter!!!

Vox x fem!reader

Angst!!!

"Can't Seem to Hold Me, Can't Seem to Let Him Go" Pt.1

Part 2

It was a privilege to receive affection from Vox. Not even that, but it seemed that if it wasn’t for you, his life was boring and mundane. Nothing truly got him all excited and manic anymore, and he was starting to hate his life a little bit. He was already at the top of the game, he and the rest of the Vees were the most powerful overlords. What else was there to do around here?

But, well, all was not bad, he had you. While the power he held had a kick to it, there was nothing like the drug of rivalry. But with Alastor gone, he had to settle for the next best thing, love. Oh, it ought to be an adventure. And that drug had such a kick, oh he was obsessed with it.

And that’s where you came into the picture, he met you at a nightclub. So pretty and talented, just the kind of people he loved to surround himself by, just what he wanted, just what he craved… And you kept him as entertained as he needed to be. To the point that he felt like perhaps he was sort of falling in love with you. Oh, how the bliss of forgetting his fights of the past with a pretty woman. He’d allowed his heart the validation it needed and he figured if someone loved him as deeply as you did, truly everyone loved him.

Of course, he still had to balance Velvette and Valentino, but that was the mundane part of his power-hungry scheme. The mixture, of your attention and doting intertwined with his total control of the population… oh he was living the life… truly. Or at least that was what he tried to tell himself. Ever since Alastor disappeared, he felt a hole in his heart. Something that couldn’t quite be quenched by all the power the world had to offer or the women this land had to throw at him.

It was the pure thrill of obsession that he missed, that he craved, but no one was a worthy opponent to him anymore. Alastor was gone. Alastor… his one and only obsession… what was he to do now? He could not fathom being this bored and empty all eternity. But what could he do about it? Nothing but sit and sulk, truly. But to himself, of course, he knew that telling you this would just leave you confused about your position in his eyes. And he truly did care about you, but… you were the only interesting thing in his life, and his one fatal flaw was always wanting for more.

You had your arm linked with Vox’s, ascending from his TV surveillance room onto the upper floors. You tapped his shoulder, catching his attention. “You’ve got a little somethin’.” You chuckled, pointing at the corner of his mouth. “Let me get it.” You giggled, gesturing for him to lean down. He obliged and you wiped the edge of his lips with your thumb.

“Forgot to get that spot. It’s hard to get all of them, you know? You should start cleaning up your own mess.~” He teased.

“It’s not my fault someone wanted to make out down there…” You huffed jokingly, linking arms with him again. You two stood still, smiling like cardboard cutouts as you waited for the elevator doors to open. The second they did, a crowd surrounded you two. Asking both of you all sorts of questions. It was always this way, an everyday routine since Vox was a celebrity, and by dating him, so were you. Every public area you were in was nothing but camera flashes and microphones. It was a bit much at times, but Vox enjoyed it so much, that you didn’t seem to mind too much. Once their questions were answered, and Vox shooed them away, you two went to your destination freely. And you continued to do this for days and days after that. You loved your routine, and found peace in the sort of monotony you two had.

But oh no, no good thing lasts forever. An unlucky morning, you found yourself in Vox’s surveillance room, sitting on his lap, enjoying each other’s company. It was a day like no other, truly.

“Look at that!” He shouted, pointing at one of his monitors, “What does it feel like to be with someone so rich and fucking powerful, baby? Just look at how easily they flock to me~” He chuckled, caressing your face.

“Oh~ You’re just the perfect mastermind~ I’m the luckiest sinner in hell~” You cooed, kissing the bottom corner of his screen, leaving behind a red lipstick kiss stain.

“Why don’t you kiss a bit higher?~ You missed my mouth entirely~?” He cooed back, fake pouting at you as to request you kiss his lips.

You obliged, leaning closer to him, but just before you planted your kiss, his face blared with an incoming call screen. His ringtone was so stupid, but it was charming nonetheless. You saw who was calling him: Velvette. She was either calling to annoy him (which you totally respected; annoying Vox was your favorite pastime after making out with him), or because she needed something important. So you sat back down in his lap as Vox answered the phone, passing the call from his face to a television.

“Hello there, Velvette! How are you this… hellish morning?~” Vox chuckled, picking up his coffee mug and taking a sip from it, after which he pecked your lips. He was a huge fan of flaunting you to his fellow Vees.

“Oh cut the shit Vox. I need you up here. Now.” Velvette demanded, side-eyeing you slightly, but then smiling when you looked at her.

Vox, continued to tenderly touch you, caressing your cheek, not even looking at Velvette anymore, just admiring your precious face. “Whatever could be the problem, dear?”

“Well, your little boy-toy, is wrecking my department while I’m trying to pull together a show! And-” She paused, to turn behind her, Valentino could be heard in the background as flying body parts flew behind Velvette. It was most definitely another Valentino tantrum. Vox had no choice but to turn to her now… “So get your ass here! Now. And don’t bring your girlfriend, it’s NOT going to make Valentino feel any better, you know how he’s always bitching about her.” Velvette yelled, after which she turned around to yell at Valentino, immediately hanging up afterward.

Vox sighed, the adoring smile he gave you morphing into an annoyed frown. “Stay here, doll. I have to stop another tantrum…” He picked you up and placed you on his chair. Then he walked away, muttering under his breath about how tedious having to check on Val was and how he hated his life.

A bit of pity overcame you, but you figured it was simply the burden power came with. You frowned at being left out of the situation, but you smiled at the realization that you didn’t have to sit there and wonder what came of this whole fiasco. Vox’s cameras! Oh, they were all over the place, and you knew how to work the surveillance room perfectly.

So you began to observe him, watching him talk to some paparazzi, announcing a new product or line, perhaps, then leaving towards Velvette’s department. And ‘in shambles’ was an understatement when it came to describing what you saw in there. Models running around, Velvette yelling at some designers, Valentino had definitely thrown the place off course, but you knew Velvette had it under control. She was always on top of things.

You observed how she spoke to Vox, shooing him up to Valentino’s tower… You hated that place. You would have started off there if it wasn’t for Vox seeing you first. And oh the stories you’ve heard about it… You didn’t talk to Valentino much, but the very few times you did he was very passive-aggressive. You didn’t like him much, but you understood that the porn industry was something Vox needed to have control over in order to have the power he desired. You weren’t too fond of… his history with Vox, and you didn’t even wanna know if they still had something going on. You preferred to stay in the shadows about it. If anything was still happening, you were sure it was because Vox needed him in check. And Valentino was a tricky one for sure, but you’d rather not think about the subject.

You observed Vox enter Valentino’s quarters, his room was full of that red smoke he always had around him. You knew it was a drug of sorts… it made you sick to your stomach to think that maybe Vox was under it too… But, again, not something you liked to think about. Vox approached him and the second Valentino saw him, he got up, smashed his cocktail glass on the floor in pure rage.

You weren’t one to criticize people’s maturity (it’s not like your Vox wasn’t quite the man-child at times), but you hated the way Valentino tended to pounce at first signs of anything. His short temperament sort of pissed you off. Or maybe it wasn’t his temperament that ticked you, it was probably the attention Vox gave it. You proceeded to listen to their conversation, Valentino complaining about another one of his employees… Typical of him. It didn’t surprise you it was Angel Dust who he was bitching about. He always bitched about his star employee.

And you could tell Vox was uninterested, observing him text on his phone as Val ranted. Funny enough he was texting you. You found it so cute how perfect his grammar was over text. He loved to portray himself as refined and superior in every aspect.

Val’s rambling again

What do you wanna get for dinner?

I was thinking, maybe… Chinese?

What do you think, Doll?

After which, a phrase Val said caught his attention and he indulged him with a response. Response which was met with more screams and whines from Valentino. And just as you were about to text Vox back with the answer to his question, you saw how Val took Vox’s phone and smashed it into the wall. You sighed in annoyance. You were about to switch off their conversation until you heard Valentino say where Angel Dust was…

He was living with Lucifer’s daughter? Angel Dust living with Princess Charlie? This only meant he could be in one place, that hotel you heard her announce. Valentino rambled about going there and killing everyone there, which Vox immediately shut down. It was his perpetual situation. He always had to put Valentino in his place, reminding him that his delusions were not to be acted upon.

He always talked to Valentino like he was a child. He did the same to you too, but it was more loving… You were sure. When he spoke to Valentino that way, it was more condescending. You liked to hear that even Vox thought this was stupid. Either that, or he was using his TV Show Host Voice to get through to him. You huffed at the sight of Vox lighting a cigarette for Val, listening to what they were talking about again. Since you’d zoned out while mentally criticizing Val.

“You know…~ Angel isn’t the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the devil’s Princesa~...” Valentino cooed, turning back to Vox who was messing around with some of Vaelintino’s things.

“Oh? Who else is in there? Someone who… owes you money?” Vox replied, as uninterested as before, but still attempting to put up a facade for his fellow Vee.

Valentino laughed at his response, “Someone who owes us much more than money~...” He chuckled, shaking the ashes off his cig.

Vox lifted a brow, pretending to care. But he was about to care about what Valentino had to say, very soon.

“The Radio Demon is there…~” Valentino cooed.

Vox’s demeanor switched in a millisecond. The mere name sent shivers down his spine, his hypnotic eye bulging on his screen as he dug his claws into the nearest piece of furniture. He began to crackle with electricity, his voice was low and extremely reverbed. "W̵h̵a̷t̸ ̴d̴i̵d̸ ̷y̶o̷u̷ ̷j̵u̵s̶t̶ ̷s̴a̴y̷.̵.̷.̵?̶ ” He muttered, turning slowly to Valentino.

You could see something in him change. It was a bit scary in all honestly, you knew Vox to be one to put up masks, but this one… it was one you didn't even know he had up.

“Oh, you heard me~.” Valentino replied, grinning back at him.

“Alastor… came back and he is with Lucifer’s d̶a̸u̶g̸h̴t̴e̵r̶ … and that wasn’t the F̷I̷R̷S̴T̴ ̵ F̷̺̕Ủ̷̺C̵͕̕K̵̟̚Ị̵̉N̸̺̂G̸͖̍ ̵͔̽T̷͍͊H̸̫͘I̸͇̒N̴̪͘G̵͙̿ ̸̦͠Y̵̜̎Ọ̴̍U̶̫̎ ̸̪͘T̴͓̕O̸̙̎L̵̼̓D̴̛̥ ̶͊͜M̷̮̆Ē̷̫?̴̧̆!̶͎̕ ” Vox roared, grabbing Valentino by the collar.

The taller demon brushed this gesture off, walking away from him, “Hey~ Killing Alastor is your kink~!” Val chuckled, sitting on a countertop near some monitors.

Without wasting a second, Vox zapped towards the little surveillance Valentino had in his room. You could barely see what was on that screen, but it was enough for you to be able to tell that The Radio Demon was in that footage. You watched the way Vox observed him. It was obsessive, so attentive and careful. It… it made you a tiny bit jealous, in all honesty. For the past seven years, he’d only looked at you that way, or rather, he’d never looked at you that way and to that extent at all.

You observed Vox mutter about Alastor, (ignoring Valentino’s complaints about Angel Dust) he was buzzing and crackling like crazy. Was he livid? Excited? You just couldn’t tell. But you didn’t have much time to think, because, in the blink of an eye, Vox wrapped his conversation up with Val and zapped his way out of his tower.

After which, you heard the doors to the room you were in open up. You got up, seeing Vox approach you. You tried to speak to him, but he shoved you to the side. “Not now Y/n. Go upstairs.” He commanded.

Sitting in his chair, he pressed a button, connecting himself to the machine before him. He was getting ready to broadcast.

His behavior took you aback. You couldn’t believe he’d done this to you. But what else could you do? He’d ignored you.

So you went up the elevator, observing his display via television.

He was losing his fucking mind. Spiraling. You’d never seen Vox like this. And yet, one would think he’d be pissed by this new discovery… but he was… genuinely smiling… you’d never seen him this happy.

Shit got interesting when Alastor responded, however, beginning his radio broadcast. Of course, Vox broadcasted this on the channel too with the intention of beating Alastor on air. A mistake he was sure to pay for. You watched Alastor tear him to bits, hearing even that Vox had asked Alastor to be a Vee and him rejecting the offer as the reason for their rivalry.

And then it clicked… Vox saw Alastor as his main priority. And if what Alastor said was true… Vox’s approach to this refusal was “If I can’t have him, I must destroy him.” Of course, you weren’t allowed to ponder on this much, since Vox began to glitch.

He was losing his patience, spiraling more and more, threatening Alastor until he caused a blackout and ending his broadcast.

Over the darkness of the room you were in, in the distance, you could hear the ominously menacing voice of Alastor as he warned Vox that the time of his reign was over… you could imagine what this made Vox feel. He’d essentially lost the argument by losing his composure.

Alas, you were sure you could try to find him downstairs. He confided in you, you were sure about this. So after a huge blow to his ego such as this, you had to go to him and console him. So you made your way back to his surveillance/broadcast room. You opened the doors to see him crouched down over a screen. He swiped through the footage of everyone in the Bee district speaking. “Where is he? Where is he broadcasting from?” he cried out, switching from screen to screen, checking every camera on every sector on the Pentagram. “He put a fucking tower in that hotel?!” he raged.

“Vox…” You mumbled softly, approaching him.

“Not now.” He blurted bluntly. “Ughh… I need to meet with the other two… Alastor’s return brings in a new set of problems.” He chuckled. And while he tried to sound as annoyed as possible, you couldn’t help but see that light in his eyes. One you didn’t even know was missing. He was obviously enjoying himself, but why? Why was he this excited?

“Don’t overexert yourself, ok?” You suggested, trying to look out for him.

“Don’t overexert myself? Alastor is fucking back! I’m not sleeping until this fucker is taken down!” He spat back, walking off.

You let him be, it seemed to be important. But as days went by, he began to spend less time with you to the point in which he began to ignore you. He’d shove you to the side to spend his day obsessing over sabotaging Alastor. Days passed and he shut you out, completely cutting you off in order to spend more time feeding his obsession. You couldn’t stand this, you had to tell him to turn your way.

So you went to his broadcast/surveillance room, observing the way he peered over his screens. Spreading rumors and lies about Alastor in order to smear his image. He muttered as if he was spiraling, speaking things that sounded like gibberish when paired with the sound of his revered and staticized voice.

“Vox…” You spoke, trying to catch his attention.

“W̶̥͗H̸̠͒A̵̳̓T̵̩̏?̷̲̕!̵͎̓” Box yelled, turning to you in annoyance.

“I need to talk to you.” You spoke, a bit taken aback by his reaction to you speaking to him.

“I’m too busy for that. Another day, sweetheart.” He spoke, shrugging you off.

“No, another day will not do. I want to speak now.” You demanded.

“Now’s not the time to be a brat. I’m busy and that’s final.” Vox huffed, attempting to get you to leave.

“Why are you ignoring me?! Ever since Alastor came back, you haven’t even said more than three sentences to me! Am I not important to you?” You cried out, getting all up in his face. If he refused to acknowledge you, you were going to make it impossible for him to do so.

“Hey hey hey! I’m busy! Go bother someone else, this is important!” He protested, pushing you away from him.

“You’re not listening to me!! Am I not important!?” You screamed, shoving his arms away from you.

“Alastor is important to me right now! Does that answer your question?!” He yelled back, turning away from you to do as he had before.

You stood there in shock, he’d essentially told you that you weren’t important to him. What was truly important to him was Alastor and the sabotage of his power. So you walked off, running away from him.

Vox did not realize what he’d done. He was too obsessed and preoccupied with his own obsessions that he didn’t seem to notice that he’d driven you away…

[junipers-archive]

Paper Rings

Word count: 1.1k

Includes: tiny itty bit of angst to fluff, fluff, fluff, Spencer has been acting distant so you try to start up a conversation, ultimately leading to his confession about wanting to marry you but never finding the right moment

You were worried. More than usual worried, worried. Spencer had been acting odd lately, and for the past few weeks you had been trying your best to ignore it.

It was hard though, he had been distant, almost neglectful, his once cheerful and atentative attitude when listening to your day or the new book you'd been reading gone and replaced by a cool indifrence.

You were near to him now, sitting on the sunflower yellow sofa in your apartment, reading different books. But instead of being next to you he was on the other side of the couch.

In an attempt to start up a conversation you mentioned one of your fresher pieces of news,

"Hey Spence", He didn't even look up, just hummed.

You scooted closer, "Uh- I- Well you know my cousin? Marion, the one who got engaged a few months back?"

"yea" his eyes shifted up quickly and then right back down to his book.

"Well they finally set a date! I got my invite in the mail yesterday morning, it's in Hawaii!!"

"Oh, really?" he wasn't even glancing up now to seem interested.

Nevertheless, you tried one last time with enthusiasm, hoping he'd be kind enough to take pity and reciprocate even a fraction of it.

"So whadaya say handsome, be my plus one?"

"mhm." mhm. That's what your relationship had dwindled down to?

You shook your head, tears pricking your eyes as you got up from the sofa, trying really hard not to cry. But there was only so much you could take, was he seeing someone else? What had you done to make him so upset?

But that was the thing he wasn't even yelling at you! You'd become an irrelevant part of his life without even realizing it.

By this time you were grabbing your things in a scramble, trying to get out, get out of the apartmentget, get out of his life if thats what he really wanted. When it occurred to you that he was still obsorbed in that stupid book of his.

And you had to know, You just had to.

"Did I do something?! What-Just tell me what I did Spencer please!"

You were standing before him now, waving your arms around manically.

"Y-Y/n, whats wrong?"

"I don't know Spencer you tell me! I mean first I thought it was a case you were on that had put you off, or maybe that we'd been apart for too long but weeks went by! Its been weeks and you still won't even look me in the eye when we're talking!" You fail in your previous attempts to keep the tears at bay as droplets fall down your flushed cheeks.

He was stunned but eventually he found his words, "I-I- that wasn't my intention, I- just- I-"

You were hysterical at this point, he couldn't even tell you?

"Look Spencer. If you wanna break up, just say it already!"

You were one second away from storming out when he spoke up again, catching you by the wrist and leading you down the hall to the bedroom quickly.

"Look I'm really, really sorry Y/n its just that- well it'd be easier if I just showed you."

You came to sit on the bed, arms crossed over your chest as if armor protecting you from being hurt.

He was searching through the back of the closet you shared, finally pulling out a shoe box. He sat down next to you, opening the box, where rested an old sweater of his that had been worn thin and a black velvet box sitting within.

He handed the small compartment over to you explaining frantically,

"I've wanted to marry you for a long time now, hell Y/n I wanted to marry you since the moment I met you. But I kept chickening out and for the past few weeks I've taken you to our spots to pop the question but I-I- nothing was ever good enough...I couldn't find the perfect moment."

he looked straight in your eyes now, which were watery, overwhelmed by the idea he wanted to marry you just as much as you wanted to marry him. "You deserve the perfect moment. And not being able to provide that to you, it tore me apart, so...I became distant, praying I was good enough but also hoping you's find someone better..."

"I-I understand completely that this isn't the time or place but when I saw that you were crying- I just I needed you to know that the reason I was being so distant wasn't because I wanted to break up, far from it! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

You opened the box now, silently falling in love even more as you gazed down at the your dream ring.

Finally lifting your gaze to the boy in front of you and kissing him deeply, finding your voice again as you pulled back grinning,

"You're an idiotic-genius, you know that?"

He only grinned back, "Yea, yea I'm fairly aware."

You slipped on the ring, it was perfect fit.

"Well...Are you gonna ask me?"

He shook his head, "You're gonna have to wait till i find our perfect moment."

You grumbled like a digruntled child, leaping back on the bed and guarding your ring finger as he tried to take it back. Ultimately he ended up on top of you, both of you play wrestling like children.

"Y/n. Give. It. Back."

"NO its my ring now! You can't take it back! You practically already proposed!"

"You said yourself, I technically haven't asked!"

"Well why don't I keep it for now, just until you're ready?" You were wearing a shit-eating grin as you looked up at him, he had pinned you down with his hands on your wrists.

"No way. What Would I propose with then?"

You craned your neck to kiss him then, albeit akwardly. "I'd marry you with paper rings Dr. Reid."

He had gotten admittedly lost in your sweet words, which you used as your opprutunity to slide out from under him, once more flashing you giant grin before running out of the room.

"Y/N!"

The afternoon was lost to him chasing you around the apartment as you chanted, "Paper rings dr. Reid! Paper rings!"

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 58

part 1 | part 57 | ao3

@steddie-island said i wasn't allowed to cut this lol. cw: angst, canon typical horror, mentions of minor character death

“Lucas called me a ghost today.”

Steve almost laughs, bitter and sharp. Sure. Why not? What’s one more ghost in his passenger seat?

He doesn't really want to talk to her right now, if he's honest. It's been fifteen minutes and she still hasn't apologized for trying to rob him, or explained where they're going, or what spooked her, or why this car ride was so urgent that he had to risk his job for it — a job he actually needs, considering his, well, everything. She's hardly said anything beyond the occasional "turn here" or "next left" while sulking with her forehead pressed against the window.

But he can tell she has something she needs to get off her chest, so he swallows his annoyance and offers, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says back. Doesn't elaborate.

He gives her another minute to gather her words, watches her open and close her mouth a few times in his periphery, but nothing comes out. She scoffs at herself and abruptly changes the subject. “Eddie was being extra… well, extra today.”

“Was he?” Steve asks, his bones itching under his skin. He doesn't want to talk about Eddie. Doesn't want to think his name.

“Yeah, he, uh- he was kinda manic? He was, like, running all over the cafeteria and starting shit with Jason Carver...” And he's only half-listening, anger simmering as she goes on and on, because she promised that Dustin didn't put her up to this. Said that this wasn't some bullshit excuse to get him to talk about Eddie or hang out with Eddie or think about Eddie or kiss and make up with fucking Eddie, and now she's just talking about him, and it-

And it hurts; god, it still just hurts—

"....Then he started rambling about how he can’t wait to get the hell out of here when he graduates.”

Searing-stabbing-burning-sharp. Steve clutches at the flare of pain in his chest, the crushed soda-can feeling where his heart's supposed to be. His head pounds. He follows her next direction onto a winding, tree-lined road, the canopy suffocating overhead, and his skin feels too dry — too tight, too small, shrink-wrapping him inside of it, because he knows where they are now. Knows the tilt of the rusted lamp shade, the shape of the weather brick paths. He's tasted the metal tang of this stop sign in his nightmares.

Fuck. Fuck.

"Cool," he grits out as he drives through the cemetery gates. Past stone and wrought iron, past the empty central fountain. He hasn't been here since July. “Good for him.”

“Steve-"

“Why are you telling me this?" he snaps. He throws the car in park under an old oak and turns to glare at her, barking a frustrated, "Huh?"

Immediately, he feels bad for raising his voice. Feels even worse for the way she flinches away. The naked fear on her face, her hand reaching for the door. He takes a long, deep breath and lets it out slowly through his nose. “Sorry. Sorry. Just-" There's a leak inside him somewhere; some infected, gaping hole, and his stupid heart keeps pumping all his blood into the wound. "Why are you-?”

“Look,” she says sharply, "I know it sucks. To talk about him." She's staring at the rows of headstones up ahead, her face gone steely with determination, her shoulders squared, her big eyes wide and a little wet when she turns to meet his gaze. “But whatever you were— whatever happened, it just… it really messed him up.”

Good. "You sound like Dustin."

"Maybe Dustin had a point."

"Since when?"

She throws her hands up, nostrils flaring. "I'm trying to tell you that I think he still cares!"

“Yeah? He’s got a seriously fucked up way of showing it if so!”

“Yeah, well some of us don’t know how to show it!”

And oh.

Oh.

Silence blankets them like dust. Eyes locked; harsh breaths. This has nothing to do with him and Eddie, does it?

Lucas called me a ghost.

Steve sighs and slumps forward, his forearms on the wheel, his chin resting on his wrist. The late afternoon sun is warm through the glass, and his head gives another nasty throb as he looks out over the hill, at the polished stones glinting in the golden hour rays.

His dad is buried here.

A lot of people are.

“Hey,” he murmurs, rolling his neck to look at her. The skin under her eyes is red. "Sorry for yelling."

She sniffs quietly. "Me, too."

He reaches over and gives her hand a quick squeeze, keeping his voice low and gentle. "You know you can just talk to me, right? Max, talk to me. Please.”

Her bottom lip quivers. “It’s nothing, okay?” She sinks down in her seat, crossing her arms to shield herself. “Shit’s just been… it’s just been weird all week. Like- like bad weird, and I don't know if I'm just going crazy, or— I mean, maybe Ms. Kelley's right, maybe's it's just— but it feels like…”

"Like what?"

She holds a hand out flat in front of her; flips her wrist over slowly so her palm faces the sky.

Steve's blood runs cold. He thinks of his own nightmares: the weird visions, the headaches, the persistent haunted feeling.

"I don't know anything for sure," she insists, rushing to reassure him before he can fully start to panic. "Seriously, don't freak out; I haven't, like, seen any gates or anything, it's just— bad dreams. Nose bleeds. I don't know." She hoists her backpack onto her shoulder. "I thought coming here might help."

He catches her by the arm, raking his eyes over her face, looking for any signs of danger. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shakes her head no and tugs free of his grip, and then she's slipping out of the car, letting the door fall shut behind her, and Steve watches her crest the hill while sirens wail inside his head.

—

part 59

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[visceravalentines]

this shot is one of my favorites in the whole movie and I'm so sorry but I'm gonna tell you why in so many words below the cut

now I could very well be mistaken, it's been a couple weeks since my last rewatch. but I'm pretty certain this is the only shot in the whole film that shows only Benson in the car. every other shot has Randy in frame too, sometimes in the background, sometimes even eclipsing Benson. but we never get the sense that Benson is alone in the car, because he's not.

he's not here either. but it sure looks like he is. sure feels like it, with the empty bench behind him and the vast nothing whipping by outside the car. sure feels like it because Benson's not in the car with Randy anymore. for the rest of the movie, from this point on, Benson is stuck in the memories of his trauma and slipping in and out of the present moment.

this is right after Benson tells Randy if he brings up Sheppard again, he'll kill him, and that's the only time I think Randy was ever in actual danger from Benson. credit to Randy: even after watching Benson beat a man to death with his bare hands and the butt of his gun, Randy's brave enough to ask who that man was. I think Randy realizes right then, based on Benson's response, that he doesn't know him like he thought he did after their afternoon of trauma bonding. I think it snaps him right back to the start of the day when Benson was unpredictable and volatile, except now, he really is. Benson's been giving him a play-by-play of his thought process all day, manic as it may be, but that's over now. Benson severs that connection without explanation. Randy's cut off and cut out of the shot.

so we get Benson, alone. alone in the car, alone with his thoughts. the camera angle tilts. the car seems heavier on the driver's side. the blood is drying on his knuckles. we're off-balance, we're teetering. we're clawing to stay level-headed and on track. the shot no longer frames the car. it frames the road, not the road before us, but the road looming behind us. the shot looks backwards. Benson's looking backwards.

we're still moving forward, though...right? we've gotta be. but there's an awful lot of emphasis on the physical past. on what we've left behind and bleeding back there. and haven't we been on this road before? weren't we just here? are we going in circles? are we going in circles? haven't we already crossed this bridge and buried this body and left it all in the dust? if we didn't before, we sure have now.

so then why are we running? what are we running from? what if we can't get away from it?

what if, all along, we've been driving straight for it instead? and what's behind us, in the past, in the parking lot, is catching up fast?

is he alive?

how is this going to end?

[megalony]

This Is Fate- Part 3

This is the newest part in my Dark! Evan Buckley series, I hope you all like it, feedback is always amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @gillybear17 @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz

@5hundreddaysofsummer @soryuwifeyxx @targaryenluvs

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: Eddie is surprised when his little sister comes to LA and asks to stay with him. She needs a fresh start, a break away from everything back home, and her ex. When she meets the team, Evan takes a special interest in her.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*2 missed calls. *4 unread messages.

Oh dear. It was starting again. (Y/n) could feel her breakfast crawling up the back of her throat as she stared down at her phone, chewing on her nail out of nervous habit.

It was okay. Everything was okay. This wasn't the same as it was before. She wasn't getting fifteen messages every hour and five to ten missed calls like she did when she tried to ghost Evan and move on from him.

She didn't want to read his messages, but something in her gut told her she had to. Ignoring them wouldn't make them go away and ignoring Evan wouldn't make him stop. He knew where she was. He knew she was pregnant and he was worming his way back into her life. What good would ignoring him do now?

When she first broke things off with him, Evan pretended she hadn't said anything. He called and messaged as if they were still a loving couple. But then he began getting anxious. He followed her, he tracked where she was going. He got angry when she started to ignore him and he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't leave her alone.

He turned up outside her old job, outside Chrissy's house. When she changed her number he somehow found out her new one and spammed her with messages and calls.

He told her he loved her and she couldn't throw that away. He had been desperate to find someone to connect with and settle down with like the rest of his friends. Evan wanted what life didn't seem to give him and once he found (Y/n), he knew she was the girl he wanted to be with. It didn't matter to him what he had to do to keep her, as long as she was his.

And now she was pregnant, she always would be.

She knew she couldn't avoid him or ignore him forever, especially not for very long before he would come to find her and talk to her in person. She may as well take the plunge and read the messages she had gotten this morning.

Slumping her bag down on the table, (Y/n) flopped into a seat and dragged her free hand through her hair.

She was suddenly glad she had turned up to her first shift at the call centre ten minutes early.

*Morning, how are my girls today? XX

Missed Call.

*Please don't tell me you're ignoring me (Y/n). Especially not after the fun we had the other day.

*I want to see you, will you come over to mine for coffee tomorrow after my shift? Please.

Missed Call.

*(Y/n) you were the one who said we need to talk about this, that's what I want. You're here in LA, I'm back here for good and back at work. And I know you don't want to do this alone, I want to be involved, this is my baby too. Just let me know.

A shiver crawled down (Y/n)'s spine and she turned off her phone and dropped her head down onto her folded arms on the table.

He was right. As manic as he was starting to sound in those texts, he was right. They needed to talk, they had to work things out and decide what they were going to do and where they were going from this point onwards.

But (Y/n) didn't want to go round and talk with Evan if it was going to end up how things ended last week.

She didn't want to end up in bed with him.

It would be a better idea to meet for a drink in a cafe, somewhere public where Evan would have a hard time dragging (Y/n) to bed or clinging to her and never letting her go. Staying at his place sounded dangerous.

Once, when they had been in a heated argument, Evan had locked his apartment door back when he lived near Chrissy and he hid the keys. He effectively locked (Y/n) in his home and wouldn't let her leave. It didn't matter how scared he made her or how she cried and begged him to let her go so they could both cool off.

He told her in no uncertain terms that he 'knew she was going to leave and he wasn't letting it happen'. He wouldn't lose another girlfriend, someone he felt a big connection to. He wasn't going to let (Y/n) walk out and leave him.

She had to stay with Evan for two days in his apartment until he cooled down and apologised. (Y/n) couldn't do that again. Not when she was pregnant and knew this would rile up the dark side of Evan that she never wanted to see again.

She lifted her head off her arms when her phone vibrated on the table. Another message.

*Oh, and enjoy your first day at work. XX

How did he know she was starting a new job today? How did Evan know this was her first day? How did he even know she had a job lined up?

Had Eddie told him? Did Eddie tell him where she was working, or just briefly mention in conversation that she had a job now?

Maybe Chris told him. Chris was happy that (Y/n) had a job because it meant she was permanently staying here with them. He knew she wasn't going to go home or leave LA if she had a job here and that was what Chris wanted. He wanted his family all here with him. He wanted (Y/n) to stay and be here with him and Eddie.

As long as he didn't know where she worked or started to come round and wait for her after work like he used to.

When she met Evan, he wasn't at work, he was on sick leave because of the surgeries he needed for his leg. That was why he left LA for a while and when he met (Y/n). He had a lot of time on his hands and mixed with his anxiety, it made him obsessive. He knew what days she was working without (Y/n) having to tell him. He waited around for her after work to walk her home and wouldn't leave.

Evan messaged her and if she didn't reply, the messages became more demanding, more crippling and concerning and frightening.

He wouldn't let go, he wouldn't relent and he wouldn't stop stop overwhelming her.

"Oh, hi. You must be the new starter."

(Y/n) looked up from her phone and did her best to smile when she looked at who walked into the break room.

She looked a little older than (Y/n), with long chocolate brown hair that reached her shoulders and kind dark eyes that creased at the corners when she smiled. Rings dotted her fingers and two necklaces hung round her neck dangling beneath her maroon shirt with the dispatch logo in the corner.

"Hi, yeah I'm (Y/n)." She put her phone in her bag and shuffled her chair further under the table as she tried to sit up straight.

"I'm Maddie, lovely to meet you." She took a seat at the table and when they shook hands, (Y/n) felt herself starting to relax.

Maybe she was going to make some new friends here. She didn't have many friends in her last job. And (Y/n) knew she wasn't going to be working here for long before she went off on maternity leave. She wasn't sure if that was going to screw with trying to make friends and get along with colleagues here.

(Y/n) just wanted a fresh start with her family in LA and she had to make the most of it because Evan was here too. He wasn't going to make this the new start she wanted, this fresh start was going to include him whether (Y/n) liked it or not.

"So, where did you work before here?"

"A few different places, really… I used to live in Texas."

She watched something wash over Maddie's face, whether it was recognition or surprise she couldn't be sure. But it made her eyes crinkle and her cheeks puffed out as she grinned softly. It was as if they had been friends for months rather than just meeting and somehow, (Y/n) felt like she already knew the woman sitting beside her.

"Oh, (Y/n), you know I thought I recognised you. You're Eddie's sister, right? Buck said you were starting work here, it's lovely to meet someone else connected to the team."

"You know the 118?" She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer or not.

She could feel all the blood draining down to her toes and her head started to swim. Another person connected to the famous station. The station where her brother worked and her ex- was he really her ex after last week- was the golden boy who could do no wrong.

Everyone loved Evan. (Y/n) loved Evan, but why did she have to be the only one who saw the dark side of him?

"Oh I know them very well. Buck's my little brother and I'm sort of, dating Chimney." She smiled and leaned her head to one side, but her words felt like rocks settling in the pit of (Y/n)'s stomach.

This was Evan's sister.

This was the girl who raised him, the one he thought of as more of a mother than a sister. His guardian angel.

She worked at the call centre. (Y/n) was going to be working alongside Evan's big sister. Evan was going to be able to find out what shifts she was working, just like he managed back home. He would know if something happened at work or if she tried to sneak off to an appointment without telling him. Every movement she made, Evan was going to find out. Again.

Nothing was going to change. (Y/n) wanted this baby to change things. Since seeing Evan again, she prayed that maybe their daughter would switch his attitude. She hoped their girl would curb his actions and calm him down and make him relaxed and less anxious. If his obsessive behaviour dwindled down (Y/n) would be able to try and make their relationship work.

But if she worked alongside his sister, how was anything going to change if Evan started asking questions? If he started his old behaviour up again, (Y/n) had no chance of working things out with him.

"Are you okay? You look a little flushed." Maddie reached across the table and rested her hand on (Y/n)'s arm.

"First day jitters." (Y/n) could barely hear herself speak and she knew her voice was wavering and rather unconvincing, but she couldn't risk giving anything away. She couldn't say she was panicked that now Evan would know everything about her.

She couldn't say that Maddie's brother who she clearly thought the world of was someone who (Y/n) both loved and felt terrified of at the same time.

(Y/n) pushed her chair back and reached down to pick up her bag, but she stopped when Maddie took a sharp breath and her smile turned brighter when she looked down at (Y/n)'s stomach.

"Do you want some water?"

She was already up out of her seat before (Y/n) had chance to answer. (Y/n) slowly got up and followed Maddie over to the counter where the tea and coffee machines were and she tried to smile when Maddie handed her a bottled water from the fridge.

"How far along are you, five months?" She nodded her head towards (Y/n)'s stomach before she added "I used to be a nurse." But (Y/n) already knew that. She had heard Evan talk a lot about his big sister. She should have guessed when Maddie said her name that this might be the sister Evan was always going on about.

"Twenty-one weeks." (Y/n) looked down and danced her hand across her stomach but the touch made her shiver. All she could think about and imagine was the way Evan barely let go of her stomach whenever he came close the other day.

Finding out they were having a girl just made everything more real and made Evan unable to look away from her or let her go.

"Buck didn't mention it, congratulations. I bet your family and partner are thrilled."

"Overjoyed." (Y/n) mumbled quietly because it was the truth.

Her brother and nephew and Evan were overjoyed with the baby and knowing (Y/n) was having a little girl. But it wasn't going to last long when (Y/n) told their parents and when she eventually had to come clean to Eddie about Evan's involvement in all of this.

Finding her phone in her pocket, (Y/n) fished it out and clicked on Evan's contact.

*Tomorrow after your shift works for me. Let's talk.

***

"Do you want a drink?"

(Y/n) took a moment to steady her nerves and look around the apartment while she nodded. It was cosy.

The kitchen was what (Y/n) expected. Lots of plates and cups scattered about rather than placed in the cupboards. Notes, papers and what she guessed were recipes flowing from one of the top drawers for easy access. Evan had a scattered mind, he was always doing something and switching from one thing to the next.

He got sidetracked putting things away and it seemed easier leaving clean cups on the side so he could grab them in a hurry and have papers scattered around the apartment in case he needed them. She could see books fluttered about the apartment too which proved he couldn't stick to one story at a time. Too many train of thoughts and not enough tracks in his mind.

She leaned against the kitchen counter and tried to smile when Evan handed over a cup of iced tea.

She wanted to shiver away from his touch when his hand found her lower back between her hips, but she couldn't. (Y/n) stayed relaxed and kept her tight smile on her lips when Evan motioned towards the living room on the other side of the apartment.

"How was work?" Evan took a long sip of his drink and sank down into the sofa, smiling around the rim of his glass when (Y/n) sat next to him. He thought she would have gone to sit on the armchair across from him to keep some distance between them.

To feel her knees touching his and have their arms brushing together made him feel relaxed. And having her close enough to see and feel each breath she took was calming.

Sometimes when he wasn't around her, Evan felt like an addict getting desperate for his next fix. He couldn't describe the high he felt when he was around (Y/n) and he never wanted it to stop.

"Strange… being on the other end of the line is so weird but it's easy to stay calm, like it's not even real. Did Eddie tell you I was starting there?" (Y/n) tried to keep her tone calm and stay friendly.

The last thing (Y/n) wanted was to come here and start a fight or an argument with Evan. They were here to talk, they had to straighten things out and make this odd relationship morph into something they could both work with. Things had to change and they had to get their stories straight.

(Y/n) needed to know what Evan was planning and what he wanted to do. She needed to know what she could say to Eddie and how to tell him Evan was her ex. Without causing waves and ruining their friendship or causing mayhem for her brother at work.

"Yeah, he's happy you're sticking around."

"If I keep working there, you have to promise me you're not going to use Maddie as a way to check up on me."

"If you answer my calls then I won't have to-"

"No, no Evan please. I can't do this again, okay? I can't have you turning up at work or getting info on me from your sister. I'm not ignoring you, I have no way of doing that, you know I can't pretend you're not here. So let me have the call centre, let me do that."

She needed her work to be her own. It needed to be her place where she could work and escape and do what she needed to do. Without Evan checking in or asking Maddie how she was or what she was doing or what days she was working. He needed to leave her work alone and not use his sister as a bridge to get to (Y/n) and find out information about her.

(Y/n) couldn't ignore Evan, she had no way of doing that when they both lived so close by and their connections were now forever intertwined.

"Agreed. What's your plan then, hm? You were gonna have my baby and not even tell me, but now I know. What's the plan now?"

Evan scratched the back of his neck and leaned across to place his glass down on the coffee table. It hurt. His heart was blistered and scorched and crumbling into pieces, knowing that if Eddie lived in a different city, if (Y/n) decided to go home to her parents, if Evan didn't get his job back here in LA, he wouldn't know.

He wouldn't have a clue that he was going to be a dad. He would of found out eventually, through Eddie. By then, Evan could have missed the birth of hia daughter. He wouldn't be on the birth certificate, he would have missed out on so much and (Y/n) would have done this without him.

But he knew now.

He was here, he knew and he was involved. So they needed to work out these next steps together and sort this out.

"I don't know." She took a large swig of her drink, downing half the iced tea that Evan had added extra sugar into, knowing she had a sweet tooth. "I told Eddie I was here to get away from my ex, I don't know what he will say or do if I tell him that ex is you."

(Y/n) winced and sank her teeth down into her lower lip when Evan visibly tensed up and his jaw locked tight.

She didn't mean to hurt him, but this wasn't all her fault. Evan's actions were the reason they were in this mess. His tendancies and his controlling, anxious, dark side was why they were tangled up and corrupted.

Eddie wouldn't take it lightly if (Y/n) said his best friend was her frightening ex who wouldn't leave her alone. How could they move forward after this? How could Eddie work with Evan, knowing what he was like when he was around (Y/n)? How could he look past that? How could (Y/n) try and raise this baby with him?

"We need to tell him."

"Evan I can't-"

"What's the alternative? Baby I'm sorry to say it but he's gonna find out sooner or later. I want to be there when you go into labour, I want to be on the birth certificate and you think Eddie won't guess when that happens? Or when I come over to see her or want to look after her and you?"

Placing her glass down on the table, (Y/n) allowed herself to sink back into the sofa and slouch down. Her legs stretched out and bumped into the coffee table while her eyes closed and her hands moved to cradle her stomach.

This was exactly what she needed to sort out. (Y/n) couldn't keep having restless, sleepless nights worrying about this.

She was sick and tired of being scared. Scared of Evan. Scared of telling Eddie. Scared of getting Chris excited and getting his hopes up and then crushing them if Evan got even worse.

She couldn't live her life smothered by Evan. His texts, his calls, his demands, his obsessive nature. The unhealthy way he attached himself to her and never wanted to let her go, never wanted her to see her friends or family. Never wanted her out of his sight. He was going to be the same with their daughter. He was going to want her all the time, want to know where she is and what she's doing and keep her within his sights.

He was always going to fret that (Y/n) was going to run off with their daughter and take her from him.

"Then… then we have to work this out before we tell him." (Y/n) flopped her head to the right and looked across at Evan.

There was something so sweet in his sky blue eyes that looked like the purest ocean (Y/n) had ever seen. There was a loving, gentle look that made her feel like she was the only person worth looking at; the only person in his world. And when he smiled and leaned his head on his hand with his elbow resting o the back of the sofa, Evan looked so casual and serene like he was posing for a picture.

He had his other hand resting on his thigh and his knees drawn up on the sofa, nudging into her thigh. It was like they were playing a game or going out on a date rather than stuck in a tangled web of lies and obsession.

"If I can trust you and you don't, you don't get manic, then we can try and talk to Eddie and try do this together, somehow."

"Baby, you already know you can trust me. I wanna do this with you, properly."

(Y/n) rolled her lips together and closed her eyes when Evan leaned across the small distance between them. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he ducked down and tucked his face into her neck instead. She could feel his breaths tickling the side of her neck and his ruby red lips hovering over her pulse like he was deciding whether or not to bite down.

His arm curved across the top of her stomach, anchoring himself to her with his chest pressing down on her left arm and shoulder. And his leg hooked over hers, pinning his knee between her thighs like he was about to climb on top of her and pin her down.

She waited. Seconds ticked by but Evan didn't move. He didn't say anything. He stayed attached to her like that was where he belonged and all he did was breathe against her neck. He didn't bite down or kiss his way up or down her skin like he had done before.

"Evan, I- I left for a reason-"

"And you've already let me back in. You can't stay away from me either, so why bother?"

(Y/n) knew why to bother. She knew what the point was. Leaving Evan was to prove to herself that his actions weren't normal and to prove to Evan that he couldn't carry on the way he was and think it was okay.

But she had no energy to fight him off. She knew coming round here was a risk and she knew what Evan wanted.

(Y/n) wanted to try and sort this out and co-parent, but Evan wanted a relationship again. He wanted to carry on as before. If he could try and adapt, if he could curb his manic behaviour and at least try to calm down in this relationship, (Y/n) was willing to try.

She didn't have any other choice. Evan wasn't going to let her go. He wasn't going to let her get into another relationship and leave him behind. He wouldn't have her being with someone else and raise his daughter with another person. He wouldn't lose out on the family he had wanted for so long.

So why fight him? Why fight when she had walked away and he had found her without trying? This just proved she couldn't walk away from him and when a very big part of (Y/n) still loved Evan more than anyone else she'd ever been with, she couldn't leave now.

A sigh tumbled past (Y/n)'s lips and she closed her eyes again, letting Evan nudge her back until she was laid out on the sofa with him on top of her. She curved her arms around his neck and pressed her nose and lips down into his hair, breathing in his scent. She felt his right hand worm up her back until he was cupping the back of her neck while his left hand slipped beneath her shirt to rest on her stomach.

She let her eyes fall closed and breathed in his scent, listening to the sound of his heartbeat lulling along with hers. Giving in to the familiar, comforting feel of Evan laying beside her, cramped up on the sofa.

And when (Y/n) let her mind wander, she tried to pretend she was back home with Chrissy. Back when Evan had been the best thing in the world. Before he turned everything upside down.

***

Evan opened his eyes when he heard a quiet but familiar sound buzzing somewhere nearby.

He tilted his head to the right and cracked his neck back into place, wincing at the sting it sent down his spine and through his shoulders. He glanced his tired eyes around and let his lips form into a grin when he realised he was still at home, laid on the sofa.

He had his head tucked into (Y/n)'s neck, his back wedged up against the back of the sofa with (Y/n) laid up into his chest. And one leg was draped across her thighs with the other hanging off the side of the sofa. Evan stayed nuzzled into her skin, listening to her soft breaths and the feel of her hand resting at the nape of his neck.

This was how Evan had been praying to wake up ever since he came back home to LA. He had been biding his time, trying to find the right time to take leave from work and head back down to see (Y/n). He knew they needed space. But all Evan wanted was to feel her wrapped up in his arms and know she couldn't get over him like how he couldn't- and wouldn't- let himself get over her.

He smiled softly into her skin and kissed her neck before he heard that familiar buzzing sound again.

It was a phone.

His left arm felt numb and sluggish but he forced his hand to slide out beneath (Y/n)'s shirt and leave her stomach he had been cradling in his sleep. He trailed his hand down (Y/n)'s hip and curved his fingers into her side pocket. The good thing about maternity clothes was the pockets.

Evan was careful when he prized her phone out of her pocket so it wouldn't wake her and he could see why it was going off.

Eddie was calling.

Evan lifted his eyes up to (Y/n)'s face. Her eyes were closed, her lips were lump and lightly parted, but her breaths were slow and even. She was still asleep. She always slept better when Evan was with her and he had always known that.

Evan let his head slump back down onto (Y/n)'s chest and he nudged her collar where it had started to slide off her shoulder. It was a little too big and baggy for her but it allowed Evan a perfect view of the top of her cleavage. He delicately peppered kisses against her chest while he clicked the side button on her phone to decline the call.

It was getting late. Eddie was a worrier, no matter what he tried to tell people. They all knew he panicked.

Swiping across her phone, Evan tried his luck with her old password and grinned, grazing his teeth against her skin when it worked.

He scrolled through to Eddie's messages, keeping his face tucked up into (Y/n)'s skin as he began typing. Once the message was done and sent, Evan slid her phone into his back pocket and closed his eyes again, tightening his arms around her until it felt like they were going to merge into one person.

*Hey, I'm with Maddie from work, don't know what time I'll be back. I'm fine, I'll see you later. XX

Tilting his head down, Evan nudged his chin against the collar of (Y/n)'s shirt and nudged it down to reveal more of her cleavage to his eyes. His nose brushed against her skin as he started peppering kisses across her chest, working his way down.

But he stopped abruptly when he head a knock at the door, followed by a key turning in the lock.

The only people with a key were Maddie because she was round so often, and Bobby in case of emergencies.

A groan burned at the back of his throat but he stayed quiet and pushed his weight onto his hands either side of (Y/n)'s shoulders. He pushed up and manoeuvred over her, leaning down to kiss her stomach and straighten out her shirt before he stretched and jogged towards the door.

"Hey, you would not believe the kind of calls we got at work today, some of them were, you know, so-" Maddie bustled into the apartment, slugging her bag down on the kitchen side as she advanced towards the fridge.

A smile played on her lips but when she glanced over her shoulder, she abruptly stopped talking when she looked at her brother. Evan had his brows arched and his finger pressed to his lips to try and silence her. She pursed her lips and paused, halfway to grabbing the bottle of wine she had put in Evan's fridge last week for when she came round to have a drink with him.

"Oh, am I interrupting something?" She lowered her tone and looked across to see what Evan was now pointing at in the living room.

She stepped away from the fridge and took a few cautious steps towards her brother. But when she leaned around him and looked at the sofa, her eyes narrowed and she looked up at him with perplexion in her eyes.

"That's (Y/n), Eddie's sister. What's she doing here?"

Evan folded his arms across his his chest and let his eyes linger on (Y/n) for a few more seconds before he finally dragged his eyes away to look down at Maddie.

"We're friends, I've known her for a while." When he dragged his fingers across his jaw and smiled in that all-knowing way, he watched his sister's jaw drop and her shoulders tensed.

She moved back towards the kitchen, dragging Evan with her so they could talk without the risk of waking (Y/n). Maddie leaned her hips back against the counter and folded her arms across her chest as she stared up at her brother in that motherly way that always got him to talk and open up whether he wanted to or not.

"Just friends? I know that look in your eyes, Buck. What's going on?" She waited impatiently for an answer but Evan just reached behind him to lean against the sink and smiled.

If Maddie figured out what was going on here, then she would get and feel much closer to (Y/n). They would become friends, Maddie would become as much of a sister to (Y/n) as she was to Evan. She would take (Y/n) under her wing and keep an eye on her at work for Evan.

He wanted the pair of them to get along, he wanted them to be close because they were going to be family now. And with Maddie on his side and in his corner, things would change. (Y/n) would realise that this is what they all wanted and needed. She could be with Evan, here in LA. She could work with his sister and get to know his team that her brother was already a part of.

Evan could have the family he wanted and so desperately needed. He could have a partner and a child and create a family at work with the people he loved. Everything that everyone else had, Evan was finally going to get. He would be like the rest of the team.

He would have what he always dreamed of and he would create the family he wanted. (Y/n) was here. She was giving him that family. She was the girl of his dreams and now they were having a daughter.

"Buck, are you involved with her?" Maddie could feel her nerves bleeding through into her voice.

She had talked to (Y/n) at work yesterday, they seemed to get along. But (Y/n) didn't say anything about being good friends with Evan. And she hadn't mentioned anything about having a partner and Maddie didn't want to ask in case it was a sore subject or not something she wanted to divulge on their first day together.

"I guess you could say that. Listen, don't tell anyone, please? Eddie doesn't know yet, and (Y/n) doesn't want to complicate things at work."

"Alright, but you are telling me everything later, got it?" Maddie pointed her finger at her brother but her smile and the way she sighed gave away that she wasn't going to tell anyone.

She would keep her lips sealed and wait for Evan to give her the gossip later and fill her in on what was going on.

If Evan told her first, (Y/n) wouldn't have chance. She wouldn't be able to spin the same story to Maddie that she had to Eddie. She wouldn't be able to influence Evan's sister and turn her against him like she had probably done to Eddie when he finds out Evan was the baby's father. Evan needed to control this situation and set everything right because this is the family he wanted, the one he needed and nothing was going to ruin this for them.

This is what they wanted. What Evan wanted.

[napoleonic-sexyman-tournament]

Horatio Hornblower:

a. “He is the wettest soggiest boat man who hates being on a boat and hates his life but is actually very good at being a boat man and fighting Frogs. He canonically invented the shower and has a lot of other boat men hose him down every day. He has so much sexual tension going on with Lieutenant William Bush.”

Arthur Wellesley:

"So, I saw that you had no propaganda for the Iron Duke himself and thought that should be corrected, because I cannot let this man go unloved.

He is the ultimate sexyman. I don't really get that title or the requirements but I do know this man and he is the ultimate in Regency-era sexiness.

Field Marshal Sir Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington, whose full list of titles merits its own Wikipedia page, he had so many (including Prince of Waterloo of the Kingdom of the Netherlands), was so well known for his debonairness that he was often called "the Beau" or Beau Wellesley.

Our dear Duke with his eyes of "a brilliant light blue," is quite the underdog made good. The fourth son of an Anglo-Irish aristocratic family, he was a bit of a loner as a child, whose star was eclipsed by the academic success of his older and younger brothers. Yet he had a remarkable talent for the violin, which as we know from Mrs. Jefferson is quite a good quality for a man to have. As a young man he was considered extremely good humored and drew "much attention" from female society. The Napiers of Celbridge thought he was a "saucy stripling" and he was also considered quite mischievous. Yet he also had a rich inner life, reading and contemplating the great philosophers of the day.

Yes, we know about his military victories in the Peninsula (the position of Field Marshal of the British Army and the accompanying baton were created for him) and his success at Waterloo, but he was also both romantic and a ladies' man. (I could go on about the military success but that's not really what this is about, is it?)

Want the romantic side? He fell in love with Kitty Pakenham while a lowly aide-de-camp in Dublin but, with no real position or prospects, was laughed away by her brother when he sought to marry her. In a fit of pique he destroyed his violin and turned firmly toward progressing his career. Over a decade later, after he had made something of himself in India, he learned she hadn't married, supposedly because she was still pining for him. Reader, he married her, despite thinking she'd grown ugly, and got two children from her in less than two years. I'm not kidding, this man was virile. They married in April of 1806, their first son was born in February, 1807, and their second son was born in January 1808. Although he wasn't sexual faithful to her, Wellington wore an amulet she gave him for over twenty years, and was still wearing it when he sat with her on her deathbed. When she was surprised he still wore it, he told her if she'd just bothered to check in the last twenty years, she'd have found it. Despite surviving her by twenty years, the Duke never remarried.

Now, please don't think badly of him for the lack of sexual fidelity. It was the Georgian era. Sexual fidelity was not a part of marriage in high society. Men didn't sleep only with their wives and some wives could be quite happy with that (for one, it's much easier not to have one pregnancy after another when your husband is sleeping with someone else). Not that women weren't also sleeping around. Which brings me to one of Wellington's more… interesting conquests: Lady Caroline Lamb, wife of William Lamb (the future Second Viscount Melbourne and Prime Minister). Why do I know that name, you ask? The OG pixie manic dream girl, Caro's much more notably known for her affair with Lord Byron. After that particular bit of nonsense, she was in Brussels with the rest of the English aristocracy during the 100 Days/post Waterloo. She and the Duke supposedly slept together and she took his cloak away as a souvenir.

Who else did the Duke liaise with? Well, there were the usual flings with actresses and singers, such as La Grassini. As previously noted in another post on this tumblr, he was noted as a stronger, better lover than Napoleon by another of their mutual lovers. Wellington also was a client of Harriette Wilson. He visited her when she was in Paris after the Duke of Beaufort bought her off, though this was before Beaufort stopped paying her, prompting her to publish her memoirs. She canvassed her old lovers, including Wellington, to see if they'd pay her not to be in them. Wellington send her a note in return saying "Publish and be Damned." Something about his succinct dismissal of her is just so hot.

Oh, want a bit more of Wellington being a bad boy? In 1829, while Prime Minister, he got into a duel that still is commemorated almost two hundred years later. King's College, London, was set up while Wellington was also advocating for Catholic Emancipation and this led to Lord Winchilsea publicly insulting Wellington's honor to the point that the Duke (who'd never dueled before or supported dueling generally) called him out. They went to Battersea Fields and settled the matter with pistols. Wellington won and Winchelsea apologized. King's College celebrates "Duel Day" every March.

Even better, want to read about Elizabeth Bennet and the Duke being witty and falling in love? Complete with scenes of the Duke showing he knows what to do with his cannon? Then let me recommend the third variation of An Ever Fixed Mark, A Dalliance with the Duke. I dare you not to vote for him for all eternity with that portrayal in your head."

[kiyomitakada]

At last the warehouse is silent except for Light Yagami's wheezing breaths.

Teru stands. His nice shoes are stained with viscera. He has just killed seven people.

He has never particularly cared about victory.

"Mikami," Light gasps out. "Mikami. You did it."

There is the blood of an eighteen-year-old boy splashed on Teru's dress shoes. He's never fired a gun before. He's handled plenty as a prosecutor, of course, typically while cursing the murderers whose fingerprints littered the handles.

"You're not God," Teru says.

"What are—you talking about?" Light manages a smile. It twitches oddly on his face, like a dying butterfly. "We won."

Teru just looks at him. Looks and looks and looks.

He used to wonder what God looked like. It was an idle thought, one only entertained in the depths of night when the sleep medication hadn't quite kicked in yet. He told himself it didn't matter; God was an entity that surpassed shallow things like appearance, and Teru's job was to follow him no matter what. Teru was not like the rest of Demegawa's little cult, who followed God only for the sake of personal safety and money. Teru was righteous. But he had wondered, regardless.

He had never settled on an answer. But Light Yagami, bleeding from the shoulder, brown eyes and manic grin—

Pathetic, Teru thinks. You're pathetic.

"Listen, Mikami," and Light tries to sit up, but hisses through his teeth and props himself awkwardly with one elbow instead. "You've done well. I'll reward you. Anything you want."

"Your watch," Teru says.

"My—what?"

"Your watch."

The boy, before he had been gunned down by Teru's own hand, had thrown a match. Teru has never been the type for schemes, but he knows for certain that whether real or fake, all of the notebooks are now ash.

"No," Light says, clamping his free hand around his wrist instantly. "You can't—it's from my father."

Teru could almost laugh. How nice having a father must have been. How inconsequential.

"I don't care," he says.

It's a fitting choice for a sacred compartment. Something paternal, something time-keeping, something small. It must fit right over Light's pulse point.

"It's not enough," Light tries. "It's—it's a tiny scrap of paper. It could fit ten names at most."

Teru feels his face fall. He can write very, very small, but the idea of the paper running out is terrifying.

Still. It's better than nothing. Perhaps he'll never even write in it. Perhaps he'll keep it on a necklace or frame it on his desk. Teru can do good work without the Death Note, but he cannot go on without God.

"I don't care," he repeats, and strides towards him.

Light flinches. He tries to get up again; his arm fails him, and he starts dragging himself backwards instead. Like a worm, Teru thinks. That's all he is. A worm and a murderer.

"Don't get closer, Mikami," he says, voice cracking with the beginnings of nervous laughter. "I still have—"

Teru punches him in the nose.

Light collapses. Teru very easily slips the watch off his wrist.

The shinigami is cackling.

"You don't know how to unlock it!" Light reaches for him. Teru yanks the watch away from his grasp. The idea of being touched right now is more repulsive than the blood. "I never told anyone!"

"I saw you do it," Teru points out. Just before he'd broken out of his restraints he'd seen Light twisting at the crown of the watch to kill Nate River. Not that it matters much to Teru. If he really wanted the Death Note, all he'd have to do is smash it.

"Ryuk!" Light shrieks. "Stop him!"

Oh, there it is. The appeal to a higher power. But Teru's God loves him, and Light Yagami's false idol does not.

It's almost sympathetic. Teru is not a heartless man. He knows how it feels to be screaming for help that never comes.

"I'm not going to kill you," Teru says, folding the watch carefully and slipping it into his breast pocket. Light stares at him, eyes wild. "You're just misguided."

"How dare you—"

If Teru was more inclined to humor, he might have said One day you'll see the light. As it is, he closes his eyes. A sense of beautiful, serene inner peace descends on him. It was foolish of him to put so much faith in a human voice over the phone, to be honest. Teru knows better now.

This time, he'll get it right. This time he will please the real God.

In the meantime, he might as well spread His word.

Teru rolls his sleeve down. He grabs Light's bare wrist through the fabric and, before Light can pull back: kisses his palm.

A day ago, this would have been reverence. Now it reveals itself as pity.

Light sucks in a breath, sharp, pained. Teru lets go.

"Good luck," he says, and means it.

"Mikami! Where are you g—Mikami!"

Teru does not look back. The shinigami's cackles fade into the distance.

(Teru Mikami dies of unclear multiple system failure ten days later.)

[ @deathnotetober day 18: worship ]

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 31

ISAT/Two Hats Spoilers below! CW: Mentions of brutal death, Lots and lots of crying (both the characters and the writer as well)

"This traveler had been alone for a very long time. They had lost their family, their home, even their own name." [You continue to stare towards the floor. You won't dare make eye contact with any of them. You feel Stardust hook their arm into yours, likely in a show of solidarity.]

"Then they finally found friends, and it was the happiest they'd ever been... so happy in fact, that they made a wish. They wished that it wouldn't have to end, they wished to stay with their friends... Ironically, that very wish is how they'd end up losing every one of them..." [You feel a strain in your throat, desperately trying not to break down as your story just began. Nille grips your hand tighter. You take another deep breath, shaky as it may be.]

"They found themself trapped, stuck in time and forced to fight a hopeless battle... forced to watch their friends slain mercilessly by the King... dozens, hundreds, thousands of times... more than they could count.... It seemed hopeless, impossible. Until one loop, they finally did it. They finally defeated the king..." [You can't hold it back anymore, your throat straining to speak, tears rolling down your face.]

"When it all finally seemed over... they suddenly woke up in that same damned field where it all started... This broke them. They couldn't take it anymore. So they made a second wish, they wished for it to be over. They wished for someone, anyone to help them. They begged the universe for help, and they were answered with a star."

"So they ate it... and it destroyed them, turning them into a star themself... It's fitting really, they were already destroyed on the inside, why not lose their husk of a body as well~?" [You let out a manic little laugh, more tears flowing down your face. Stardust hugs you on your side suddenly, wrapping his arms tightly around you.]

"It's okay... take all the time you need." [You start to wipe your tears, still not daring look towards the others. You're just thankful they haven't tried to interrupt at all. You take a minute to regain your composure, then continue again.]

"So they were sent the help they asked for, by becoming it themself... or maybe there simply wasn't enough left of them to be helped... So now they were stuck guiding a copy of themself through the very thing that broke them. Forced to watch as their friends... their family... were taken by somebody else. Forced to watch as they got your happy ending, the one you fought so hard for-" [You can't conjure any more words, just sobbing leaves your throat now. You bring a hand over your face, trying to keep what little dignity you could as you break down in front of them all.]

"Vale..." [You hear the fighter's strained voice above you, shadowed by his large figure. You look up at him in surprise, not having realized he was suddenly in front of you. Tears rolled down his face as he yanked you into a tight hug.]

"I'm so sorry we couldn't help you..." [You struggle weakly in his grasp. You want to shout, you want to get him off of you, you want to break free of his burning touch. Yet you can manage no words in this moment as you just sob heavily. You soon feel Nille and Stardust join in on the hug, crying harder as you give up your struggles. You even feel the Housemaiden join in after a moment. The burning slowly fades into light warmth... They may not be your real family, but this is the closest you'd ever get to them, and right now you're far too weak to fight that. You even feel the Researcher's hand on your shoulder not long after...]

[Once the hug breaks it simultaneously feels like it was an eternity, and only a short moment that you'd beg to keep going. The Fighter clears his throat after crying so much.]

"Okay! We should all probably get some rest and process all of this... You're welcome to stay here, Vale." [He offers with a light smile through his sad expression.]

"Th-Thank you..." [You barely manage to choke out even those two words. Nille still hasn't let go of your hand this whole time, squeezing it comfortingly again.]

"Do you want some company tonight? Or do you need some time alone?" [You shake your head lightly, trying to force a little smile as you continue to only manage a word or two at a time.]

"Go."

"Okay, if you're sure. Just come knocking if you need me, alright?" [You nod to her, everyone slowly leaving the room to head to their beds for the night. Stardust tells the Fighter they'll be a second as they remain behind. They wait until everyone was gone to speak.]

"... Did you really watch the King kill everyone?... Every time?" [You wince at the question, and hesitantly give a nod in response. Stardust practically tackles you with another tight hug.]

"Thank you... for sticking around, Vale... it really means a lot to me." [You slowly wrap your arms back around them to return the hug. You let them remain this way as long as they like... You even consider pulling them back in when they finally let go.]

"Get some rest, you probably need it after all that... Good night, Vale." [You watch them head upstairs, finally leaving you all alone. You lie down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. You wait for sleep to claim you, though it never quite seems to reach you.]

-----------------------------------------

[You're not sure how much time has passed, but you're snapped out of your sleepless daze when you hear someone coming down the stairs. You peek over the couch to spot Flare descending them. You doubt they'd want to see you after your last interaction, so you quickly lay back down, closing your eyes and pretending to be asleep.]

[You hear them stomp past you towards the kitchen, dragging a chair somewhere, opening a cabinet, then closing it and dragging the chair once more... They stomp closer over to you and stop.]

"... Hey..." [You blink your eyes open, finding them standing in front of you, holding a bowl filled with something... it smells delicious whatever it is. They hold it out to you, looking away all the while. You slowly sit up and take it from them, curiously looking at it to find a plate of... malanga fritters...]

"I made these for Frin... I heard what you told everyone, so I thought you might need them more..." [They say with a bit of a pout, their arms crossed and still avoiding looking at you.]

"I... Flare... Thank you..." [You're certain the only reason you haven't started crying again is because you've already dehydrated yourself from it all earlier.]

"I'm still mad at you for hurting Frin!... S-So don't think you're just forgiven!" [They shout softly as to avoid waking anyone up.]

"O-of course... I don't blame you..."

"Well good!... Stupidvale..." [They mumble before starting to stomp back up the stairs. You can't help but chuckle a little at their reaction.]

[You pick up a fritter and take a bite... and a tear flows down your face again.]

[str8rat]

What if IN STARS AND TIME was like FEAR AND HUNGER?

So i've spent the last hour frantically researching phobias for this shit lmao, don't expect any of the phobias i've picked to be canon for Fear and Hunger. Anyways this is a whole ass au and i'm planning to make an entire world setting from this fever mix. Esentially it's gonna be In stars and time kind of plot, with the party going through the house to defeat the king, but the Universe is not as kind to them. if it was ever kind in the canon. all of the characters will be devastated and traumatized or fucked up in different ways, and i'm planning to explain it all below- well, explain Siffrin for now. Even though I have everyone else already scribbled down, i still need to draw their fucked up sprites :> LETS GO

~ ~ ~

Siffrin; Autophobia ( fear of being abandoned, alone, ignored )

Effects; Half-blind ( left eye )

Info;

TW; SELF HARM, SUICIDE [ Canon-typical ]

Traveler from the Island North of Vaugarde. Lost his left eye protecting Bonnie, a child the party came across on their way to Dormont. Siffrin is a short, forgetful person, which has been travelling for the entirety of his life. He met the party by chance, saving Isabeau from a Sadness, as the man parted with the rest of the party briefly in order to gather firewood.

After reaching Dormont, Siffrin makes a wish to the Favor Tree, and quickly finds out the consequences of his actions. He gets stuck in a time loop, forced to re-live the gruesome, painful deaths and horrifying experiences he and his party go through as they venture up the floors of the House. His sanity quickly deteriorates, though it remains more intact than that of Loop, a self-proclaimed star whom he encounters under the Favor Tree after his first death—being crushed by a giant boulder.

Due to him not having his right eye, his depth perception is fucked, and he often bumps into things. After getting imprisoned in the loops, he becomes more anxious, desperate to escape the loop cycle, even going as far as slitting his own throat in order to save time. He also doesn't shy away from self harm, adorning his wrists in "stars", as he calls them- prickling his skin with his own dagger.

He realizes that even after he loops, the scars of his horrible deaths remain on his body, and eventually, his arms and thighs are all covered in "stars", those particular scars being of his own making. Counting the loops, one star for one loop. May become manic when in distress, or have panic attacks. Is incredibly touch starved and desperate for physical affection, but never got around to revealing that fact to his party on his own, leaving him feeling floaty and unreal. Like a ghost of his former self.

Those are just a couple of the effects of the loops. In the end, Siffrin just doesn't want to part with his companions, his friends, his family- wanting them with him so much, to the point of him unknowingly trapping himself in a time loop.

~ ~ ~

Sooo overall Siffrin's backstory/info isn't that different from canon, because he was already going through some tough shit as it was ._. so I just kind of added more mental implications to it, as well as that fun little headcanon of his body keeping scars of his past deaths/injuries. So that's fun. also i mostly focused on the other members of the party as well, since they don't exactly have a lot of angst or trauma ( not as much as siffrin at least ), so in this au all of them are traumatized or psychologically damaged!!!! YAY!!!

ANYWAYS! Who's gonna be next?? i don't fucking know, but i'll probably upload them tomorrow alongside a description explaining just how fucked they are :>

[girls-alias]

Mental - Dean Winchester

Title: Mental - Dean Winchester

Words: 1,169

Relations: Dean Winchester X Reader

TW: Mental health, mental breakdown, SH.

Prompt:

Saw a TikTok edit of Dean and it inspired me.

I excused myself from the table as I hurried to stand. I didn't look at Sam and Dean before I left the room. I was slightly hyperventilating but once I rushed to my room I couldn't breathe. I practically threw myself into the back of the door. Needing it closed and need privacy. I slid down the door trying to control my breathing, to bring air into my lungs but the panic attack didn't end.

How could Dean like me? I'm a mess, I'm crazy.

Nothing has even gone wrong and I'm still miserable. I should be happy, it's a day off, and I should be enjoying quiet time with Sam and Dean.

Dean doesn't like me. He just confessed it to find a way to let me down slowly.

I shouldn't have told him about my crush, I should have just hidden it like I have done all year.

He is so out of your league. He'd never like you. Remember when he would check out other girls, he doesn't like you,

Oh, my God. I'm an idiot.

My mouth was dry from breathing so heavily, I wanted to gulp to try and gain some control over my own body but it wasn't working. My vision seemed to be clouded by dark spots. I knew there was only one way to gain some control but I cried as I thought about it.

I feel like my only solution right now is to self-harm, I need to get control of myself. I'm acting manic. I have been clean for 78 days. I'm doing so well. I can't break that now. It took me years to get that far.

I cried as I crawled to my display knife that sat on my desk. It was a real knife, sharp enough to cut paper easily but it was only ever decorative. I pulled it from the stand. Resting my back against the drawers I brought my knees up close to my chest. I put my arm facing me in the divet between my legs. The tears evacuated my eyes as if an alarm was ringing.

"Y/N," Dean's voice called through the shut door, worry lacing his tone. "Are you okay?" He asked, worry more evident. I slowly put the knife down not wanting him to hear it. I cleared my throat softly.

"Yeah, why?" I asked but instantly winced as I knew I would never normally say that and Dean might recognise that.

"You just ran off," He explained not seeming to hear my error.

"Yeah, I just needed the bathroom," I lied. I waited anxiously in those few seconds it took Dean to reply. The door isn't locked, I hadn't thought of that. I gulped watching the handle afraid in case he came in and saw me. I don't want to think of how upset Dean might be.

"Oh, are you sure you're okay? You sound a little weird," He explained, his voice a little cheerier but suspicious.

"Gee, thanks Dean," I played it off. Smiling as Dean chuckled seemingly happy with my response.

"Okay, well come back when you're done," Dean explained, I listened to his steps as he walked away. I sighed with relief and sorrow. My tears quickly resuming. A part of me wanted him to come in, to save me but I was too scared to say anything.

I buried my hand into my sleeve, bringing it to my mouth to quietly sob into it. I screamed as the door swung open forcefully. I looked up to see Dean had burst into my door, eyes on me instantly. He looked completely startled, maybe even scared. I didn't have time to compose myself before Dean was crouching beside me. He held my hand, sneaking a glance at my wrist before his eyes dived deep into mine.

"What's going on?" He asked softly. I sighed, not caring to try and compose myself. I look like a mess anyway.

"You shouldn't have lied to me. You should have just turned me down," I sobbed as he moved closer, His hand on the back of my head bringing me closer to him so I could cry onto his chest, comforting me as he stroked my hair.

"I didn't lie to you, baby," He's never used a pet name for me before. He's just feeling sorry for me. "I do like you, I've always liked you. From the second you walked out the room when we first met I told Sam, I wanted you," He explained but I shook my head as I sobbed.

"You're just saying that because I did this," I stated as I lifted my arm.

"No, baby. No, I've liked you from the second I met you. I was too scared to say anything because I didn't think you'd like me," He explained as he hugged me a little tighter. "I want to be yours," He added. I sobbed, sitting up as I shook my head to look at him.

"You're too hot for me," I exclaimed but Dean shook his head. I could almost see hearts in his eyes as he looked at me.

"I want to be yours," He repeated. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him.

"I'm emotionally unstable," I argued but he smiled softly.

"I want to be yours," He repeated once again. I shook my head.

"Dean, -"

"I want to be yours," He interrupted. He placed his hand on my cheek, his eyes peering into my soul. Like earlier, all the air seemed to leave my lungs but this time I knew it was coming back. "I want to be yours," Dean commented before leaning in to connect our lips. My brain frazzled as I realised Dean was kissing me, we'd never kissed before. This is a bit far if he was lying. He has to be telling the truth. I should believe him.

I kissed him back, my hand coming up to the back of his neck as our lips moved in sync. His tongue graced my bottom lip. I allowed his access as our tongues met in the middle, dancing around each other. I could taste his morning coffee. He smiled against my lips as he continued to kiss me. I melted into his arms.

He slowly pulled away. I couldn't stop the smile on my face from spreading as I saw the joy on his face.

"Come on, we'll get you cleaned up and I'll take you on the date I've been planning all day," He explained cheerfully. I chuckled softly as he stood up. I tried my tears, looking up to see Dean offering to help me up. I smiled as I accepted his hand, and he pulled me to my feet. He took the opportunity to kiss me again. A shorter but passionate kiss. "I want you to wear something cute," He explained playfully as he led me to the bathroom. I smiled knowing now that Dean likes me and I am enough for him.

Masterlist

Working On

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Merry Christmas, Darling

Word Count: 1,200 (Tiny for me, but I haven't written in almost a year so forgive me.)

Summary: Ominis is going to miss you over the holidays. || Ominis Gaunt x reader|| Hurt but with plenty of comfort.

Warnings: This is as fluffy as a good sweater.

In the eyes of Ominis Gaunt, Christmas was a complicated thing. He loved it. Truly. Though, he'd never actually had one until he was eleven years old - when Anne and Sebastian Sallow invited him to their uncle's cottage in Feldcroft. They asked him to be there, they told him all these stories about how muggles celebrate the holiday, and their modest Christmas dinner was the best thing he'd ever tasted. The whole house felt so warm.

And... 

They gave him gifts. 

No one had ever done that. 

He hadn't had anything for them that first time, but they told him that was alright. Of course, he had remedied his ignorance every year afterward and for three more blissful years, everything was perfect. 

Until fifth year, when Ominis' only Christmas gift was comforting Anne through her nightmares – frightful visions of a goblin disemboweling itself in front of her. And her brother's manic grin. 

Ominis was sixteen now, and Sebastian was gone. Anne was too. 

In all his time at school, he'd never gone home for winter break and he didn't intend to now. Even if he had nowhere to go instead. 

Because you were leaving him too. 

He'd be, once again, alone.

You'd be going home to your own family to spend Christmas surrounded by love and warmth. Not that he wasn't happy for you, he was! But you wouldn't be with him.  It wasn't your fault. You'd begged your parents to let him come along. 

But why, oh why, would they ever approve? How could they possibly want him – a Gaunt – in their household? 

"That family has a reputation, Y/N." They'd said.

Well, they were right. And he was bitter. And he was sad. And he just wanted to spend Christmas with you. Why was that too much to ask?

He heard you sigh next to him. The sound brought him back to reality. You hadn't left for home yet. You'd leave in the morning. For now, however, you were curled up against him on the sofa in front of the fireplace in the Slytherin Common Room. The flames crackled and roared and he so adored the scent of pine and applewood burning. You hadn’t left him yet. He could still feel you. 

Your cheek against his shoulder. Your hand in his. You smelled like peppermint.

“I wish you could come with me,” You whispered. And you didn’t say you wished you could stay. Because you loved your family and he was so happy that you did. He wished he had the same luxury.

“As do I,” He said. He tried to smile.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I hope you will.” He knew he’d miss you so much more. 

He felt you shift, resting your forehead against his arm now, stroking from his forearm to his hand. You drew in a breath.

“Greeting cards have all been sent… the Christmas rush is through. But I still have one wish to make, a special one for you.” The tune was slow and you sang it so softly. He’d be the only one in the common room to hear it. You didn’t have the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard, but in that moment, you sounded like an angel. Ominis squeezed your hand tighter. 

“Merry Christmas, darling. We're apart, that's true. But I can dream, and in my dreams, I'm Christmas-ing with you.”

“That’s a very nice thought.” He interrupted, unable to stop a smile from tugging at the corner of his lips. You laughed and kept singing. 

“Holidays are joyful. There's always something new. But every day's a holiday. When I'm near to you.” He ducked his head and blushed, and not just a little bit. See, you were one of those people who never said a word you didn’t mean - unlike him. You were always so sincere. 

“Oh, how flattering.”

You kissed the back of his hand.

“The lights on my tree, I wish you could see. I wish it every day.”

“Why would I need them when I have you?” He murmured. As if you weren’t doing enough, you leaned in to kiss his cheek. You were warm. You’d take your warmth with you.

“Logs on the fire fill me with desire to see you and to say that I wish you Merry Christmas. Happy New Year too. I've just one wish on this Christmas Eve. I wish I were with you.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up abruptly, grabbed your soft, warm hands, and pulled you up against him. You were wearing his sweater. It was far too big for you so he had to go searching for your hands in its sleeves, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. One arm around your waist, yours around his neck, your hand in his. 

“Dance with me?” He breathed. “Just once more… before you go.” 

And sure, you wouldn’t be leaving him forever. But it would feel like longer.

You laughed that sweet laugh of yours and he knew that if he could bottle the atmosphere around them, that emotion on his tongue would keep him warm through the winter. He held you tighter, trying to memorize every inch, every layer of your scent. There was peppermint, and cinnamon, chocolate, and pine. He loved it all. You smelled like the only home he had left. When you were gone, your scent was all he’d have of you. Your family was poor as dirt. Ominis didn’t care, but your parents wouldn’t allow you any money to spend on him of all people. You were the only gift he wanted now anyway. Your presence alone was too much to ask, yet you gave it so willingly.

“Logs on the fire fill me with desire to see you and to say that I wish you a Merry Christmas. Happy New Year too. I've just one wish on this Christmas Eve, I wish I were with you.” You stood up on your tip-toes to whisper to him. Your hand found its way into his hair. “I wish I were with you.”

His breath hitched and what was a dance collapsed into a longing embrace. He held you as tight as he could, burying his face in your shoulder. Though he wasn’t one to be so cavalier with expressions of emotion, he couldn’t help but dip his head to nip at your collarbone. The mark he knew he’d leave wasn’t for him. He just… didn’t want you to forget, was all. And he had to leave more kisses - a trail of them along your perfectly smooth throat. He hoped the taste of your skin would keep his cheeks burning through the January freeze.

You were the one to kiss his lips. When you pulled away, you placed your hands on his cheeks and rubbed your nose against his.

“Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas…” You whispered. 

He sighed.

“Merry Christmas, darling.”

That sweater of his that you were wearing… after wishing you farewell at the train station, he’d find it folded on his bed when he got back. It smelled like you. A note in Braile accompanied it. 

“To keep you warm until I return. Wear it. (I cast a preservation charm on it this morning.)”

He did wear it. And your scent on the wool didn’t fade until you returned and tugged it off him.

This fic is dedicated to @witchcraftandgeekness for telling me to f#ck everybody. Not in the sexy way.

[jitterbugjive]

Okay... I'll Accept Holiday Letters...

So, anyone who has followed me long enough knows by now how I get around the holidays. Seasonal depression kicks in, and bad memories of old toxic Thanksgivings and Christmases flood my brain any time I see or hear reminders of them. Plus there's some trauma from living in poverty and having very little around the holidays and the only people willing to exploit my mentally ill mother for work was the Salvation Army who basically pay pennies. And there's a whole lot more I don't like, like the cold, Christmas Carols, etc.

However.

The last couple of years I finally got to have proper family holiday get togethers since the toxic people in the family are gone now, and it was very healing for me. I still despise the holidays, don't get me wrong, they are mostly miserable for me. I generally tell people to not address the holidays with me.

But... I've been going through a LOT this year. Especially the last 6 months with my mother being manic and getting her whole life messed up. I've also been dealing with another family member experiencing psychosis on and off as well that I haven't felt comfortable talking about. The results of the election and things Oregon was voting on are not helping me feel any better, and I fear that winter depression is going to be hitting me like a truck. I can feel it creeping in already now that the weather is getting under 40F. On top of that, my family isn't in a state right now where anyone can feasibly host Thanksgiving or Christmas, so it's a bit of a lonely one this year. Sure, I have friends I can spend time with, but I was just getting used to the family dinners. Overall, this is just going to be a very hard winter for me.

And for once, I'm going to ask people to lend a bit of the Holiday Spirit (tm) my way, because I really need some pick-me ups to get through the rest of the year. Basically all I'm asking for is for people to send me letters of encouragement through my PO Box. Gifts and fan art are welcome too, I keep all my fan art safe. I'd prefer not to get flat-out christmas cards unless the cards are really nice or creative and have a lot of thought put into what's written in them. I could just really use some kind words and there's something that feels a lot more personal about physical letters that I can store away and pull out on a rainy day.

Please note I have a pea brain that can't read cursive very well, so if possible I'd prefer it be in plain print or typed out.

If you send treats they need to be shelf stable and properly sealed, no home baked goods.

My P.O. Box: (Can be addressed to Jitterbug or Jack)

16055 SW Walker Rd #274Beaverton, OR, 97006

And if anyone's feeling generous I do have an amazon wishlist that people should be able to buy and send stuff from without needing to be the middleman. I don't update it much and a lot of stuff is outdated but you should be able to organize it by priority to get a better idea of what things I'm most interested in. You can even add other stuff to the order that isn't on the list and it will still be shipped to my P.O. Box!

AMAZON WISHLIST

[yuri-is-online]

Hi! Congratulations again!? I feel like we celebrated 300 followers just a couple of weeks ago…

Can I ask for prompt 6 with Floyd, please?

Thank you in advance<3

6. Crowley has decided to put together a murder mystery for the whole ball and you've been the first one "killed." Whoever is playing detective seems really upset about that.

Annon I felt like that too I was really surprised we cleared 500 this fast (⊙_⊙) The last event ran from the end of July to the start of August so you really are not wrong.

Also as a note, if the other annon who requested this prompt for Floyd (along with Riddle and Idia) you are more than welcome to message me with either a replacement or a separate prompt for Floyd. I also have a request for this prompt with Jamil and Ace, so maybe not either of them, I am very sorry (;ﾞ°´ω°´)

notes: they/them used for Yuu, Floyd is swinging his mood as much as he is his fists. The other event requests can be found here.

There is a nigh demonic cackle hissing in a distant corner of the ballroom, it makes you want to ditch your mask and dancing shoes and sprint for the exit.

"As I was saying," Crowley tries again, looking in confusion down at the tiny card that apparently had sealed your fate as if he has maybe read it wrong "Yuu is our first victim tonight! Please see yourself up to the balco-"

"Who did it?" Floyd has somehow appeared just above your shoulder, mask tilted just off of his face. He had been sleeping, completely disinterested in the stupid game Crowley had thought up. It sounded really boring, and it still sort of does. But someone is moving in on his territory, and no, no, no. That simply will not do. You turn to look up at him, tiny shrimpy eyes wide with fright. (note: this is in fact delusion, Yuu is extremely confused, not terribly frightened by their untimely death.)

It's ok little shrimpy, he nods to himself. I'll squeeze whoever did this real good. (further note: this is not delusion, someone is very much about to get badly hurt.)

"Mr. Leech, unless you have the detective card-" Floyd doesn't even bother to respond, he just rolls his eyes and pulls the card out from somewhere. He bites it, keeping it safe between his teeth as he cracks each of his knuckles looking at each and every mask in the room. "Well I guess that settles it, um Mr Leech I trust you know this is a game and won't take things too seriously." Crowley is more than happy to abandon his students to yet another consequence of his own actions, shuffling off towards the gallery and you roll your eyes. Before you can follow suit Floyd catches your hand, his grip is strong, keeping you from really struggling or moving away much at all.

"Um Floyd? I'm dead, I'm supposed to be upstairs on the balcony." You know reasoning is a dead end with Floyd when he's in a mood but there "is no shame in trying" to quote a different eel who you are certain is not cackling somewhere in a corner at just how farcical this little play is turning out.

"Nah," he shakes his head "you're a ghost shrimpy now. And ghosts always stick around their husband's 'till the murder gets solved, 'kay?" It should be sweet, really. But there's this thing Floyd does with his voice when he really wants to hurt someone, "manic" is the best way you can describe the tone it takes, that makes you think if you really did die he would be quite quick to follow. Probably at the end of a hangman's noose. You sigh, doing your best impression of one of those TV dead wife's you bring Floyd's palm up to your cheek and dejectedly lay your head on it.

"My love," if logic won't snap him out of this maybe playing along can "will you be able to move on once you know who is responsible? I don't want you to-"

"Nah." He is more than happy to hold you though, spinning you around to face the audience as he drapes himself around you, chin resting on top of your head. "I'm gonna sacrifice whoever kill'd ya to bring you back." And with that lovely announcement of your impending revival, he singles in on a particularity terrified looking Heartslabyul random and smiles. "Ain't that right guppy? You wanna start runnin?"

"I'MSOSORRYHADNOIDEAITWASYOUOKTHANKSB-" The student vomits up his excuse and starts sprinting for the door, Floyd hot on his heels cackling with Riddle close behind, screaming at both of them for "breaking the rules of the game" but no one, least of all Crowley really seems to care.

"Considering all the ways this could of gone, I take this as a complete success!" You really hate how you can't say that he's wrong.