#max had a lot to say apparently lol

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 58

part 1 | part 57 | ao3

@steddie-island said i wasn't allowed to cut this lol. cw: angst, canon typical horror, mentions of minor character death

“Lucas called me a ghost today.”

Steve almost laughs, bitter and sharp. Sure. Why not? What’s one more ghost in his passenger seat?

He doesn't really want to talk to her right now, if he's honest. It's been fifteen minutes and she still hasn't apologized for trying to rob him, or explained where they're going, or what spooked her, or why this car ride was so urgent that he had to risk his job for it — a job he actually needs, considering his, well, everything. She's hardly said anything beyond the occasional "turn here" or "next left" while sulking with her forehead pressed against the window.

But he can tell she has something she needs to get off her chest, so he swallows his annoyance and offers, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says back. Doesn't elaborate.

He gives her another minute to gather her words, watches her open and close her mouth a few times in his periphery, but nothing comes out. She scoffs at herself and abruptly changes the subject. “Eddie was being extra… well, extra today.”

“Was he?” Steve asks, his bones itching under his skin. He doesn't want to talk about Eddie. Doesn't want to think his name.

“Yeah, he, uh- he was kinda manic? He was, like, running all over the cafeteria and starting shit with Jason Carver...” And he's only half-listening, anger simmering as she goes on and on, because she promised that Dustin didn't put her up to this. Said that this wasn't some bullshit excuse to get him to talk about Eddie or hang out with Eddie or think about Eddie or kiss and make up with fucking Eddie, and now she's just talking about him, and it-

And it hurts; god, it still just hurts—

"....Then he started rambling about how he can’t wait to get the hell out of here when he graduates.”

Searing-stabbing-burning-sharp. Steve clutches at the flare of pain in his chest, the crushed soda-can feeling where his heart's supposed to be. His head pounds. He follows her next direction onto a winding, tree-lined road, the canopy suffocating overhead, and his skin feels too dry — too tight, too small, shrink-wrapping him inside of it, because he knows where they are now. Knows the tilt of the rusted lamp shade, the shape of the weather brick paths. He's tasted the metal tang of this stop sign in his nightmares.

Fuck. Fuck.

"Cool," he grits out as he drives through the cemetery gates. Past stone and wrought iron, past the empty central fountain. He hasn't been here since July. “Good for him.”

“Steve-"

“Why are you telling me this?" he snaps. He throws the car in park under an old oak and turns to glare at her, barking a frustrated, "Huh?"

Immediately, he feels bad for raising his voice. Feels even worse for the way she flinches away. The naked fear on her face, her hand reaching for the door. He takes a long, deep breath and lets it out slowly through his nose. “Sorry. Sorry. Just-" There's a leak inside him somewhere; some infected, gaping hole, and his stupid heart keeps pumping all his blood into the wound. "Why are you-?”

“Look,” she says sharply, "I know it sucks. To talk about him." She's staring at the rows of headstones up ahead, her face gone steely with determination, her shoulders squared, her big eyes wide and a little wet when she turns to meet his gaze. “But whatever you were— whatever happened, it just… it really messed him up.”

Good. "You sound like Dustin."

"Maybe Dustin had a point."

"Since when?"

She throws her hands up, nostrils flaring. "I'm trying to tell you that I think he still cares!"

“Yeah? He’s got a seriously fucked up way of showing it if so!”

“Yeah, well some of us don’t know how to show it!”

And oh.

Oh.

Silence blankets them like dust. Eyes locked; harsh breaths. This has nothing to do with him and Eddie, does it?

Lucas called me a ghost.

Steve sighs and slumps forward, his forearms on the wheel, his chin resting on his wrist. The late afternoon sun is warm through the glass, and his head gives another nasty throb as he looks out over the hill, at the polished stones glinting in the golden hour rays.

His dad is buried here.

A lot of people are.

“Hey,” he murmurs, rolling his neck to look at her. The skin under her eyes is red. "Sorry for yelling."

She sniffs quietly. "Me, too."

He reaches over and gives her hand a quick squeeze, keeping his voice low and gentle. "You know you can just talk to me, right? Max, talk to me. Please.”

Her bottom lip quivers. “It’s nothing, okay?” She sinks down in her seat, crossing her arms to shield herself. “Shit’s just been… it’s just been weird all week. Like- like bad weird, and I don't know if I'm just going crazy, or— I mean, maybe Ms. Kelley's right, maybe's it's just— but it feels like…”

"Like what?"

She holds a hand out flat in front of her; flips her wrist over slowly so her palm faces the sky.

Steve's blood runs cold. He thinks of his own nightmares: the weird visions, the headaches, the persistent haunted feeling.

"I don't know anything for sure," she insists, rushing to reassure him before he can fully start to panic. "Seriously, don't freak out; I haven't, like, seen any gates or anything, it's just— bad dreams. Nose bleeds. I don't know." She hoists her backpack onto her shoulder. "I thought coming here might help."

He catches her by the arm, raking his eyes over her face, looking for any signs of danger. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shakes her head no and tugs free of his grip, and then she's slipping out of the car, letting the door fall shut behind her, and Steve watches her crest the hill while sirens wail inside his head.

—

part 59

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[vax-merstappen]

F1 boys falling for you <3

these got kind of long lol, but i thought you’d rather have more of a storyline than less of one lol. Prefs are below the line :)

Lando Norris

It was your first season as an f1 driver and you had been performing surprisingly. As both the only woman on the grid and a rookie, you were drawing a lot of attention from the media.

The media wasn’t the only one paying attention to you, however. ���Lando, just go talk to her!” Carlos exclaimed, walking up to his former teammate. “You’ve been staring so hard your eyes are going to fall out.”

“Shut up, mate.”

“You like her, no?”

“Of course not!” Lando exclaimed. Carlos raised an eyebrow. “Well maybe a little.”

“Then go talk to her, mate!” When Lando didn’t move, Carlos grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him in your direction. You turned to the guys, an amused expression on your face.

“Y/N, this is Lando. Lando has had a crush on you for the whole season but hasn’t got the cojones to tell you about it.”

Carlos shoved Lando in your direction and walked away. His face was bright red.

“Was he telling the truth?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Lando admitted. “This isn’t how I wanted you to find out. I was going to tell you myself.”

“Well then tell me.”

“I, Lando Norris, have had a crush on you all season.”

You smiled at Lando. “Would you want to get dinner sometime?”

Lando’s face, less red now, lit up. “Of course.”

Oscar Piastri

It was the final concert on your tour and you were performing in Melbourne. Little did you know that a certain formula 1 driver who was a fan had decided to attend the concert.

The concert went amazing and you stepped backstage to see your best friend waiting for you.

“Y/N! You did amazing!”

“Thanks!”

“Omg you won’t believe who I saw in the crowd.”

“Who?”

Your friend smiled. “Oscar Piastri! He’s a formula 1 driver and apparently he’s a huge fan of yours. You have to invite him backstage!”

You couldn’t help but be curious about this guy and so you instructed security to go find him and invite him backstage. When he arrived, he clearly looked shy and a bit embarrassed to be there.

“You must be Oscar!”

“I am. And you’re Y/N.”

You nodded and smiled. “I heard you’re a fan of mine?”

“You could say that,” Oscar said with a gulp.

“What would you call yourself?”

“A guy who never imagined he’d be asked backstage by his dream girl.”

Max Verstappen

Max had just left his apartment to go pick up groceries when he saw you walking down the street, looking very lost. He walked up to you.

“Hey, do you need help?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m studying abroad here and I have no idea which way to go to get to the university.”

Max smiled and gave you the directions you needed and you thanked him and headed on your way. For the rest of the day, he kept thinking back to his interaction with you and how you looked so cute. He mentally kicked himself for not asking for your number.

A week had gone by, and you were still on Max’s mind. He had no way of finding you again and did not even know your name.

Fate must have been on his side, as when he walked out of his apartment that day, he saw a familiar figure walking down the street. He tried not to look to eager as he walked up to you. “Did you manage to get to the university the other day?”

“Yes! Thanks again for the help,” you responded.

“I had one problem with my directions the other day I realized.”

“You did? I made it there alright, so no worries.”

“I forgot to ask your name and number.”

Your mouth dropped open a little, surprised that the gorgeous stranger you met the other day had been attracted to you too. “Y/N,” you responded as you typed your number into his phone.

“I’m Max,” he said. “I’ll text you tomorrow and see if there’s a time we could meet up.

You nodded. “I would love that.”

Charles Leclerc

Charles was a childhood friend of yours. You had seen him grow up and become the incredible man he is today. You had always been close, but Charles had come to want something more with you. To take your relationship to the next level.

It was a warm day during his summer break where he invited you to spend the day with him. You had gone on a hike in the hills of Monaco and had laughed and chatted the whole way there. When the two of you got to the top, you stared out at the stunning view. But when you looked at Charles, you saw he was looking at you instead.

“Do you have something to say?” you asked.

“Yes. Every time I see you, I can’t help but think how beautiful you are. I want you to be mine.”

“How long have you wanted this?”

“Oh, a long time.”

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

You leaned over and kissed Charles. “I’ve been wanting this for a long time too.”

He paused for a second before pulling you close and kissing you back. The rest of the afternoon was spent together, happier than either of you had been in a while.

Carlos Sainz

One of the perks of being an f1 presenter was the time you got to spend with the drivers. Of course there were some you preferred to interview over others, but you enjoyed getting to know them all. What you didn’t realize was that for Carlos, one of the perks of being an f1 driver was getting to spend time with you. Before each Grand Prix, he would look for your face in the sea of media personnel. It usually wasn’t hard for him to find you, as someone so beautiful easily stood out from the crowd. Every time he saw your name on his media schedule, Carlos would get butterflies in his stomach. For someone brave enough to drive an f1 car, you were enough to make Carlos nervous.

At first you didn’t notice, but Carlos began to come up to you before every race. He wanted so desperately to show you that he liked being around you and that he really wanted to take your relationship to the next level. After the fourth week of him speaking with you before a race, you finally talked to him.

“Carlos, fancy seeing you again. You’re not on my schedule for today,” you greeted.

“I know, but I’m so sick of watching you from afar. I love to be around you and I’m sick of wanting you and not having you.”

“Oh, uh…”

“Are you free tomorrow night? To get dinner with me?”

“Are you asking me in a date.”

“Yes, I should have done so a long time ago.”

“Well since you admit that, yes I am free.”

Lewis Hamilton

As a trainer in a celebrity gym in London, you often found yourself in the company of athletes of all sorts. However, the man who had recently started coming to your gym and asking you for advice had not stuck out as anyone in particular you should recognize.

The first week you had seen him, he had asked you to help spot him with the weights he was lifting. You had agreed and helped him, without making much conversation. The second week, you had caught him watching you as he ran on the treadmill but he did not come over to you. The third week, he had asked for some advice on which machines he should use even though you could tell he already knew what he was doing.

And this week, he had come up to you with a box in hand. “I’m sorry if this is a bit forward, but I’ve noticed you the past few weeks I’ve been in here and I think you’re really cute. Would you want to go on a date with me.”

Thinking he was cute, you responded, “Sure. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Lewis. Lewis Hamilton.” He flipped open the box to show you what was inside. “I got you this bracelet. I noticed you always fidgeting with your other one and I thought you might like another to go with it.”

You smiled. “How thoughtful! I’m y/n by the way.”

“Y/N. I like it.”

Daniel Ricciardo

For years, Daniel had disliked his media duties. Of course he would put on a smile for the press, but interviews were not actually super enjoyable for him. Until he got a new PR manager and he couldn’t help but look forward to press duties.

“Ok, Daniel. So today we’ve got the press conference this morning and then an interview with sky sports this afternoon.”

“Yep! Who else is at the conference?”

“Nico, Carlos, Fernando, and Oscar,” you replied. “I’ll sit off to the side and watch so we can debrief before heading to the next interview.”

“Oh, you’ll be watching me then?”

“Yeah, Daniel, like I always do.”

“Well I’ll be watching you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I can’t seem to keep my eyes off you. I know it’s unprofessional, with us working together and what, but going to interviews with you makes my day.”

“What are you trying to say, Daniel?”

“Would you go out with me? On a date? That’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.”

You looked down, your cheeks turning red. “You have a way of flustering me, Daniel.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes.”

Yuki Tsunoda

Had anyone asked Yuki who his celebrity crush was, he would have said you. As a famous actress, you had been in a good number of Yuki’s favorite movies and he could just never seem to get your face out of his head. Despite both of you having many connections, you had yet to meet in person.

It only took a twist of fate and a gala for a mutual sponsor to bring you together. You were starring in the latest advertising campaign for a brand that has sponsored AlphaTauri for the upcoming year. You walked into the event wearing a stunning red dress and Yuki was immediately starstruck. His celebrity crush was here in person with him.

His jaw dropped open slightly as you locked eyes with him from across the room. He had dreamed of this moment for years and he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was in fact dreaming. You waved and began to walk over to him and Yuki pinched himself to snap out of that stupor.

“Hi, you’re Yuki, right? The formula 1 driver?”

“Oh, um, yes. That is me,” he responded.

“I’m y/n!” you said cheerfully.

“I’m so excited to meet you! You are my favorite actress.”

“Am I really?”

“Yes! I watched all your movies!”

You saw Yuki’s obvious excitement and decided to chat with him for a while longer. A while longer ended up becoming the whole night and you and Yuki exchanged contact information to meet again.

At the end of the night he told you that you were his celebrity crush for a long time and you responded that it was quite obvious from the start.

Alex Albon

As an f1 driver, Alex was not home a lot. But somehow every time he came home, he managed to run into you. You both were neighbors, so it wasn’t exactly weird, but Alex was sure it was fate that you kept meeting. You see, Alex had what was comparable to an airport crush on you. He didn’t see you often and only from afar, but he couldn’t help but think about you after he had gone from home.

This time, Alex was going for a jog when he saw you struggling with a pile of boxes. He paused for a minute before crossing over to your driveway.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m fine. Just moving some boxes of donations to the animal shelter I volunteer at.”

The fact that you loved animals so much endeared you to Alex even further.

“Are you sure I can’t help? I was just going to jog, lifting boxes could be my exercise instead.”

You could hardly refuse the stunning man standing before you and he helped you get your car packed to go to the shelter. You found that you enjoyed his company.

“Can I be honest with you?” Alex asked.

“Of course.”

“I’ve come to like you since we’ve been neighbors. And I was wondering if you’d want to go out with me on a date? You’ve always seemed so nice.”

“Sure. Just maybe next time it can be something other than putting boxes in a car.”

Logan Sargeant

As a streamer for Quadrant, you regularly streamed and discussed Motorsport content. The only driver on the grid you had met was Lando, but little did you know another driver had been watching your content.

Logan had fallen asleep one night with YouTube on and woken up to one of your videos on his screen. He immediately loved how you looked and as he continued to watch, the thoughtful way you talked about Motorsport really resonated with him.

A few days later, after watching a bit more of your videos and one of your streams, he sent a message to Lando asking for your number. Lando, knowing the two of you would be perfect for one another, agreed to play matchmaker and gave you both each other’s contact information.

Logan was thrilled to be able to text you and soon the two of you hit it off. Logan couldn’t help but fall even further for you every time you messaged and his heart would skip a beat every time he saw you go live. Needless to say, the American man had fallen hard.

[russellbby]

Sometimes you just need your brother || Pt.2

Summary: After finding comfort in her brother’s place, it just seems too good to be true when her father knocks the door….

Makayla Verstappen (OC) x f1 grid

Series

Makayla had fallen asleep with her head rested on Max’s chest. Max didn’t notice until he looked down and seen his little sister asleep.

The 3 other drivers were still at his apartment, Kelly and Penelope were due to come back any moment and that’s when Daniel, Charles and Lando would leave.

“I can’t believe he actually kicked her out.” Max said as the 3 of them looked up at him. “It’s awful, I really don’t understand him” Daniel said.

“She’s only 16 like,” Lando added. “Does he know she’s here?” Charles asked. “Probably, she can only go either me or Vic” Max told him.“You think he’s going to try and take her back?” Lando asked.

“I’m not letting him, I know how he’s been treating her and I’m not letting her go through that anymore” Max added as the door opened.

“Maxie!” Penelope exclaimed as she made her way towards him but stopped when she noticed Makayla there. “What’s KayKay doing here?” Penelope asked.

“I’ll tell you everything later okay? Just keep the noise down as she’s asleep” Max said as she nodded before running back to Kelly.

“We better be going, message any of us Max to update us. Remember we are here to help, Mack is like a sister to us as well” Daniel said.

Max moved his sister‘s head in his chest and onto a pillow before he walked to the door with his 3 fellow drivers. “Thanks guys, means a lot” Max said before bidding goodbye to them.

“Is she okay?” Kelly asked referring to Makayla. “Dad kicked her out, she used all her savings to get a flight over here” Max said. “He kicked her out? Who would that?!” Kelly replied.

“Him apparently, you okay with her staying with us for awhile? I know P loves her anyways” Max asked. “You don’t need to ask, she’s your sister and I know P loves her too” Kelly said with a smile.

“Thank you” Max added.

//

Makayla had woken up to see that she had fallen asleep on the sofa. “Hey sleepyhead” Max joked seeing his sister finally awake. “Shut up, I was tried” Makayla mumbled.

“Is KayKay awake?!” Penelope shouted and when she seen the girl awake she ran and jumped on the sofa with her. “Hey P!” Makayla said as she tickled the young girl.

“KayKay! Stop!!” Penelope giggled as she tried to get out of her grip. Kelly sat down by Max, the two had smiles on their faces seeing the two girls together.

“Hey Kel, sorry didn’t see you there” Makayla said. “It’s alright, happy to see you smiling Mack” Kelly replied with a smile. “Mummy! Can Kay take me to the beach?” Penelope asked.

Makayla gave her older brother a certain look, that he knew he couldn’t say no to. “I hate when you do that look, just be careful you two okay? Be back before it’s gets dark” Max told them as Penelope cheered and ran to get her coat.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Makayla asked, mainly directing the question to Kelly. “Mack, you I trust you with P. How many times have you watched her before this?” Kelly said.

“Just making double sure. Thank you, we won’t be long!” Makayla said as she got ready for the couple watched the two girls leave the apartment.

“I hate how he’s made her think she isn’t allowed to do or go anywhere..” Max mumbled. “She’ll be alright, Mack is a strong girl. We just need to make sure he stays away from her and not try and take her back” Kelly said.

//

makaylaverstappen

Liked by kellypiquet, maxverstappen1 and 227,629 others

makaylaverstappen: P💗

view all 2,527 comments

user16 Aww so cute!

user19 I adore their relationship!!🥰

user93 So cuteeeee

kellypiquet She loves you so much💗

makaylaverstappen I love her more💗

user72 Awhhh!

user99 P loves Mack so much🥹

user13 💗💗💗

user4 Adore them so much!!🥹💗

maxverstappen1 She likes u more than me!

makaylaverstappen well obviously😌

maxverstappen1 🙄

user63 lol Max🤣

user02 Max and Makayla >>

//

Makayla and Penelope made their way back to the apartment, the young girl ran to her mother while Makayla followed behind her after taking her shoes and coat off.

“I want KayKay to take me to bed!” She heard Penelope said as she entered the room. “I’ll do it Kel, c’mon P! Let’s finish that book off we were reading!” Makayla said as Penelope jumped in her arms as she carried her to her room.

Max and Kelly smiled at the pair before quietly following them and stood by the door watching the both girls. Makayla finished reading before kissing Penelope’s forehead and leaving to door to be greeted by the couple.

“Watching us were you?” Makayla joked as the three made their way back to the living room. “You are so good with her, she adores you” Kelly said. “I love her” Makayla replied with a smile.

The three of them started to watch a bit of TV, Makayla was on her phone a few times before it was starting to get late and they was about to make their way to bed, but there was a knock on the door..

“Makayla! I know you’re in there, you better come here before I phone the police!” They heard Jos shout.

The girl looked at her older brother with fear on her face, how was she going to get out of this? Kelly came over and pulled her into a hug, before Max started to make his way towards the door.

“Makayla, get here now!” Jos shouted.

[thebearer]

nsfw alphabet with carmen berzatto

please minors dni 18+. smut ahead ;) enjoy!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

in the beginning, carmen was so bad at aftercare. he was a clinger and a cuddler, a little self conscious one too, but he didn't know after care was a thing really??? like would wipe you off and cuddle you, but when you started doing more intense or harsher things, you had to tell him "hey can you do a little more lol?" now, he's more thorough with a complete check afterwards. bath if you need one, food (ofc) or something to drink, more vocal too with praises and making sure you're not in a drop or shock, and still a clinger afterwards too lol.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his- his hands. he needs them to work and they're good at that apparently. good at drawing, and smoking, and holding your hand. good at smacking your ass until you cry or pulling on your hair. good at wiping your tears, holding your face in his palms, watching you suck on his fingers. watching them disappear in and out of your pussy, your arousal dripping down his wrist. he's just... he does a lot with his hands lol.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

carmen is filthy with cum. maybe it's a territorial type thing, something primal inside of him, but he will paint you with his cum. your tummy, your tits, not so much your face bc you don't like it. inside of you is his favorite, esp when he makes you keep it in there after fucking you in the office or at a dinner party in the bathroom, you have to go out and pretend like nothing happened- dripping him down your leg the entire time.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he's kinda into voyeurism??? a little bit lol. not actually in front of someone, he's too shy and possessive for that, but will finger you under the table at family dinners. likes it when you jack him off in public. having sex somewhere you might get caught, or where someone might find you or hear you. he always fucks you harder when someone might be around, lives for it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he's not super experienced by any means, but seasoned enough to know what he's doing. probably a body count of three or four before you maybe. there's still a lot of things that are new to him (esp the kinkier things the two of you get into) but he's got the basics covered.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

the hook or the shoulder holder. anything where your legs are over his shoulders, preferably thighs to your chest and he's plowing the fuck outta you. makes you go numb and he loves when your thighs squeeze around his neck, nearly makes him pass out. he can go so deep and it feels so close for the both of you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

depends on the mood. if he's being daddy carm, then he's very serious. if it's just you two fucking around or having sweet, sappy sex, then he can be a little more silly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

trimmed but a little on the wilder side. got a bush and a happy trail that you love. when you first started dating, he would try to trim it all the way, and you had to tell him you loved it. so now he keeps it. wild curly pubes that match his hair when it grows super long. you love it when he'll let it go full bush so you can just bury your face in it lol.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

very romantic and lovey always. even after he's been a little mean to you, he is always quick to be sweet. very much so the type to say "i love you" every time in missionary... and every other position, but he's just sappy lol.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

used to jack off more when he was single and busy. less when mikey died and he took over the beef bc he was stressed to the max. now, he doesn't really ever jack off. you two fuck enough he doesn't have to, and he really doesn't have time lol.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

he's a total soft daddy dom, which might come as a shock. a little bit of a brat tamer. nothing he loves more than putting you in your place. a big fan of "fucking the fussy out out you" and embarrassing you a little. ofc it's never severe bc carmen would have dom drop like a mf, but spanking you and then making you come out to family and sitting on your stinging ass, trying to pretend like it's nothing? gets him hard all over again.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

bedroom or kitchen. depends on how you're playing and fucking, or really what he needs. he'll bend you over the kitchen counter and have you there all night, but in the bedroom, he'll take his time with you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

you. just you. the knowledge that you like him and think he's attractive and are willing to have sex with hi. sometimes when you're bratty and a little mean, it wakes up his daddy side and gets him going to tame you, but really your existence.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything super intense that would leave a lasting mark or scar. super degrading, either way, he doesn't want to make fun of you or be too mean (outside of calling you a brat and impatient), certainly doesn't want yo to say it to him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he's a chef. he likes to taste his food. loves giving you head. unbelievably good at it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

depends on the mood. usually he'll pound you out kinda slow but enough to leave you shaky, but really depends in the vibe.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

king of quickies. in the morning before work, if you come to visit him at work, sneaking home on a lunch break, before going to a friend's house, in the car. anywhere. he just doesn't have the time all the time so quickies make it easier.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he's probably like sixty/ forty on risks. yes, he'll fuck you in the dressing room while you're trying on bikinis, but no, he won't spank you with a rolling pin are you out of your mind?

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

depends on how tired he is. usually two, but if he's super amped up, can go as many as you need. can go all night if he has to.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

sorta toys? has a paddle (you bought him) for when you're really bad. the wooden spoon and spatula he uses for spanking you. you had a vibrator that he'll tease you with sometimes. and he bought you a few plugs when you were anal training and bc sometimes you're a brat and he plugs you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

teasing king. endless teasing until your teary eyed and pouting and furious. the more you're on the edge, the more he likes it. likes to get you to that point you're nearly brain dead with pleasure, then will finally give in because nothing it better than watching you come undone.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he's gotten better. used to be a few muffled whines and grunts that he was embarrassed of. now he dirty talks a lot. likes to kinda grunt-moan when he's fucking you, and sometimes you'll get lucky and he'll whimper right in your ear before he cums!!!

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

big fan of mirror sex. likes holding you by your jaw while he fucks you roughly, making you watch yourself come undone, all while he grunts and hisses things in your ear. "look at you, fuck. this is what i see every time. get to see you- see you like this. lookin' all pretty and fucked out."

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he's def thicker than mosts. thick and veiny- like his build. uncut (that won the poll) and i feel he'd be around seven or eight inches. enough to have you gawking and like... holy shit. he thinks it's not very big or impressive and you reassure him otherwise lol.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

pretty insatiable. esp if he's well rested and not stressed, but even on those days, he just wants to fuck lol.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he's a cuddler and he'll pillow talk for a little bit then he's out lol. to quote nicki, pussy put his ass to sleep. and it is a deep sleep every time lol.

[suzukiblu]

👉👈 do you have any more of the dubcon ( ;3c dubKON lol) tim//kon thing with the pining kon?

. . . I actually am not even sure what fic you're referencing so maaaaaybe I have written too many fics, lol.

But like, here's an excerpt from something that at least fits that definition?

Superboy fucking hates Gotham.

Well, not necessarily Gotham, but definitely the Riddler and probably Poison Ivy and, like . . . whoever the fuck else decided to set up a goddamn murder-box puzzle room and lock him in it with a drugged-out-of-his-mind Robin and the worst set of instructions ever.

And especially he hates the fact that apparently the whole damn mess was fucking livestreamed.

"This sucks," he mutters under his breath. Robin stares at him from the other side of the briefing table in the middle of the Batcave, because of course Superboy's first time in the Batcave would only happen because he'd fucked up. Like–of course it would.

"I sexually assaulted you in a supervillain deathtrap in front of the entire internet," Robin says very, very carefully. "And we only survived the experience because said deathtrap had faulty wiring. And that . . . 'sucks'?"

"I mean, very much so, yes," Superboy says. Honestly he's more annoyed about the deathtrap than anything else. Like, he tried really hard to solve that stupid puzzle of Riddler's and it's really annoying that he apparently got it wrong. Which–okay, he was pretty distracted at the time because drugged-up Robin had refused to settle for a handy and had basically bullied him into going down on him, but still. That asshole Riddler and his lame-ass bowler hat had been very fucking clear about how said drugs weren't gonna wear off without Robin getting off and how they'd had very limited time to solve his stupid puzzle in, so Superboy had just kinda tried to . . . multitask it, basically. He'd let out-of-his-mind Robin shove him down and fuck his mouth and just kept his hands on the floor so he could use his TTK a little easier and tried to solve the stupid puzzle with it, just in case Robin wasn't gonna snap out of it fast enough.

It'd very literally been a puzzle, for whatever reason–like one of those weird abstract-looking 3D ones–and probably would've been a lot easier to figure out if he'd actually been able to see it as opposed to having to rely on his TTK feeling it out while the whole thing was all wired up to the table on the opposite side of the deathtrap room, but apparently it hadn't even fucking mattered anyway because of whatever that one fucked up bit in the wiring had been. So like . . . Superboy basically violated a guy he barely knows and already had weird feelings about for no fucking reason whatsoever.

So yeah. This definitely sucks.

"I called you a whore," Robin says, his face absolutely expressionless. Superboy makes a face at him more to be contrary than anything else. "Multiple times. You asked me to stop yanking your hair so hard and I called you a mouthy bitch. And then I yanked your hair harder."

"I mean, I know, I was there," Superboy says, raising an eyebrow at him. And also, like, those are accurate assessments of his character, so . . .

"I made you get down on your knees and shoved my dick in your mouth," Robin stresses, his jaw going tight. "Which was livestreamed and is now on the internet. Where it will never go away. Ever. And anyone who feels like it can just go and google it."

"They probably shouldn't, I'm assuming that'd count as underage porn," Superboy says with a shrug. "At least, I'm not eighteen yet, dunno about you. Actually I'm like . . . two, max. Probably not even that. Although I dunno, I was sixteen-ish when I got out of Cadmus, maybe I do count as eighteen by now? Technically?"

Robin gets up and goes over to the trash can by the computer and throws up in it. Superboy . . . blinks.

"Uh," he says. "You okay, man?"

"No," Robin says. Then he throws up in the trash can again.

Awkward, Superboy thinks, trying not to wince.

[a-swamp-creature]

goddamn like….

there was an extremely sus “bridgerton ball” held downtown this last weekend that turned out to be a dashcon-level scam. probably couldve guessed that from the ads/website being littered w spelling errors, but anyway…listing a few of the things i know of:

-it was supposed to happen last month but the organizers (Uncle & Me Events) sold 1500 tickets for a venue w a max capacity of 450. Venue cancelled, of course. Organizers sent out one (1) email two days before the thing was supposed to happen. A lot of ppl didn’t even see the email so people were showing up to an empty venue in downtown Detroit wearing regency-era ballgowns. Security apparently told some of them that the event was a scam but idk how true that is. Anyway it was rescheduled at a new venue for a month later.

-valet parking was promised, not delivered. parking downtown is a pain in the ass in general but these people were also wearing ballgowns lmao

-nobody checking tickets at the door. there was a tiered pricing scale for tickets starting at $100 and going up to $1000 (a fool and his fukkin money i s2g) so all these ppl from the suburbs who paid hundreds/THOUSANDS of dollars to be treated like VIPs were pissed

-because nobody was checking tickets, people were just kind of wandering in off the street lmaaaaoooo so ppl were just kind of milling around in normal clothes eating the buffet, which leads me to…

-the food was bad: pasta w marinara, canned green beans, meatballs, and undercooked/raw chicken wings. people were expecting a sit down meal apparently? but I think that might just be the expectations of ppl more accustomed to tea parties than actual large scale events - ain’t no way they were ever going to do full-service dinner for 1500 people. it was always going to be a buffet.

-NO ALCOHOL lmaaaoooo the event info said open bar, there wasn’t even a cash bar. no shit, they had water and “mocktails”. check out the menu:

ITS ALL LEMONADE LMAAAOOOO but wait!!! ppl who bought VIP tickets also got hawaiian punch !!!

-see the tablecloth in that pic? the decorations were bad. like dollar store bad.

-they were supposed to have a bunch of different activities: dance lessons, costume contests, carriage rides. neither of the first two happened. the carriage rides did, but you had to pay extra and they only did them for three hours. again, 1500 people.

-that’s not to say there was no entertainment. they had a dj playing pretty standard birthday party dj fare: the hustle, cha cha slide. he also played hiphop which really upset a lot of the ppl larping as wealthy colonizers for SOME reason 🤔 disclaimer: i assume they were expecting classical music but a looooot of people specifically complained about the hiphop

- oh there was also a single exotic dancer stationed in the middle of an empty room. i am not joking. im not in the business of posting photos of strangers but the photos are out there and they’re tragic. this poor woman just took a gig and ended up with a bunch of middle class pearl clutchers complaining abt her on fb. that being said, my understanding is bridgerton is smut for ppl who want to pretend they’re above watching porn so idg why a dancer is such a big fucking deal, just sit down and watch ffs. oh wait-

-there was nowhere to sit lmao

-and no refunds

seems pretty clear that after overselling and losing the first venue, the organizers lost all their vendor contracts and had to scramble to have anything at all. could’ve just cancelled. btw the no refunds thing included if it was cancelled - they’ll just credit you for the next event lol

now listen. i do feel bad. I don’t think anyone deserved this really. I DO find it very funny that a bunch of of ppl who can afford $1000 tickets to dress up in expensive costumes and pretend to be aristocrats got scammed big time by Detroit.

[inchidentally]

https://www.tumblr.com/piastrisms/738775293993549824?source=share

I NEED YOUR ANALYSIS OF THIS VIDEO! PLEASE <3

okay listen this has spun me out into a whOLE thing so let's take another trip down a road I like to call Why is the Non-RPF Real Life Relationship between Oscar and Lando So Endearing and Boyish and Sweet:

so my absolute favorite thing about Lando's face when he's relaxed or in his natural element is how absolutely every. single. emotion. he's feeling is broadcast at equal volume. his vulnerability is a massive part of his charisma. but! he has to have the right habitat! streaming, Youtube, his lifelong friends - those are the right habitat.

F1 is not naturally the right habitat.

when Carlos found Lando on his proverbial driver's doorstep he did not know what to make of him and Lando was barely able to squeak out a few words around anyone new or when a camera was around. but! Carlos trained Lando into how to bounce a dynamic between the two of them just like he'd been doing with his last awkward baby, Max. interestingly Max was much more excitable and eager to please of the two and Lando's intense shyness took a LOT of work to get past. but once Carlos had gotten the drift of Lando's super silly sense of humor it was smooth sailing. and then with Daniel it was even easier because half the time Daniel knew he was expected to carry the conversation. it's interesting because Lando allowed a bit of that old shyness to come back and it definitely disarmed Daniel a bit in a satisfying way. but thanks to those big personalities, Lando found his F1 self and even started to deal back and lead occasionally. of course DTS and a lot of media pilloried him for this because apparently what Carlos and Daniel do naturally is seen as snottish and bratty for him to do. the Youtube/streamer personality where he felt so safe did not at all translate onto other platforms and media.

so it hasn't been smooth sailing for Little Lando Norris to know how to be as a person in F1.

cut to 2023 and with the advent of Oscar we've seen a slow dismantling of Lando's F1 PR personality completely in his content with Oscar over the season. their very first unboxeds Lando was still wearing his guarded PR face and assuming he should lead and carry all the content. it was still sort of around for the Jenga/Garden Games challenges but had started to soften around the Austin filming (including the Finish the Lyrics classics). at some point, Lando truly realized that Oscar would still be fond of him even when Lando was in a terrible, low blood sugar type mood (Tic Tac Toe etc) and oh wow!

their content could really just be Lando being whatever he was feeling that day/that moment and Oscar smiling and finding him funny/cute/fascinating! that was enough! he didn't even know that was allowed! (and maybe it wouldn't have been if Oscar wasn't there to bolster him)

and that's when we started getting unguarded, authentic Lando instead of entertaining Lando. and it's because Oscar was the person next to him representing all of us, trying to tell Lando that we just wanted to see him. we didn't care if he was 'on' or not. he's just an interesting outdoor cat we want to watch go about his life.

which is why we got Lando letting himself sit and stare right back at Oscar like this.

where we can see his expressions do that slow blossoming thing, and right in full view of just Oscar. it's the anti-DTS material because it isn't open to the camera and easy to manipulate. narrative television hates when two people go into quiet, subtle communication because it can't be made into a false dramatic arc. (trust me they'll invent one using chopped up footage and even more chopped up commentary lol they always do but it'll be uphill work)

but when you contrast this with the nonstop, quick back-and-forth Lando has with Carlos and Daniel it's where we pick up on the something that's so unique to Lando with Oscar. it's wrong and making way too big an assumption to say it's a closer friendship bc you can't quantify other people's friendships that way. but it's very, very different to those friendships. and the biggest difference that we on the outside can see is that Lando allows himself to determine exactly How He Will Be. and that might change from one minute to the next! and that doesn't always go down well with most people!

but every time, no matter what, Oscar smiles and laughs and everything Lando does is alright. he gets it. Lando means no harm and he's got a good, warm heart. if he likes you then that won't change just because his mood changes.

like their end of season message. Lando went from doing a great job summarizing his thoughts for the viewers, handed it over to Oscar and just... watched. didn't get bored and stare at the camera or off into space. I actually compiled just how often Lando spends staring openly at Oscar into one long gif lol:

he fully knows he's still on camera but he turns himself into a viewer instead of bouncing around and off of what Oscar is saying. Oscar gave him that, he can give it right back.

and there's no specific Lando-Oscar dynamic like there is Lando-Carlos and Lando-Daniel. hell, Lando's got a dynamic with just about anyone. except! Max F, Martin Garrix (and probably quite a few of his friendships that we're never actually even shown) and Oscar. with those people we see Lando be precisely whatever he's feeling at that moment because they'll either indulge it or enjoy it depending on how good or bad the mood is. if it's Lando, it's all good.

I feel like there's a commonality with those people of being quiet but strong as opposed to the big and bold of most of the F1 drivers on the grid. Max F absolutely has obvious similarities to Oscar (I still love how much he sided with Oscar when he watched the 'most likely to' video). I don't know a lot about Martin but it's literally a DJ's job to be enough apart from the crowd to read it and they set the energy passively through what they spin. Oscar is a fun guy who loves being around the people he cares about but he's never The Guy that it all turns around.

and for their own reasons, they find Lando inherently fascinating and lovable. whereas Lando has to inhabit Carlos', Daniel's, George's, etc etc worlds because they are in themselves The Guy Everyone's Watching just like Lando. Lando has to share. he has to figure it out. but guys like Max F and Oscar do not have the energy or interest in being The Guy. they'd choose privacy over popularity every single time if they were made to. and actually come to think of it, they have actively chosen privacy at the expense of popularity quite a few times.

because let's look at Oscar's face when Lando teasingly brings up Oscar's sprint win:

Oscar gives Lando that genuine, affectionate smile and ducks his head because he wants Lando to know that he appreciates it. in truth, that Sprint win was hailed by wider F1 community as being a massive achievement for a rookie in the Max V era of dominance. they both know that it is. but Oscar didn't posture or show off about it and for that Lando has made sure to bring it up on his behalf time and again. Oscar gave him that, Lando can give it back to him.

which is even sweeter going back to that post race video because Oscar gives Lando that same affectionate, private smile. he's had to throw the video's content over to Lando and Lando gave him that big affectionate smile first because this is how they do these videos. it's always awkward - especially if their results that day weren't great - but they know that together they can do these videos and share a laugh over how absurd it feels sometimes.

and the hint of a private joke between the two of them is there early on and you can just feel Lando relax into it.

and when you skip all the way to their last race media duties and this interview, it truly surprised me how much Lando kept checking in with Oscar - the rookie! -as he was answering. when he found himself giving boring PR answers he threw in a joke that he knew Oscar would crease up over. sure enough it loosened them both up.

and like, that's where the vulnerability and openness comes from now with Lando. he's got a teammate who is basically the same age, who gets him and who actively wants Lando to just be Lando. who clearly threw Lando at first by inadvertently foiling those attempts to establish a dynamic or a bromance. who Lando probably at first thought was just shy and awkward. but Oscar stayed true to who he is and kept that door open for Lando to eventually walk through.

so when it's the two of them, it's everyone else who's on the outside looking in. they're just being themselves. if that doesn't make everyone else feel entertained or happy they honestly don't care - and will probably share a secretive little smile about it.

it's also why they sometimes do that twinning thing and creep everyone out asfgjlaflsgjf

[keepthedelta]

lando and max have more 1-2 finishes than max and charles and lando started being a regular on the podium 16 months i dont even know where half of this max and charles talk comes from. I find it so funny how many charles fans are angry because apparently lando doesn't deserve this car and any other driver would have won the championship or whatever as if lando in this car isnt the reason there was a "title fight" in the first place. Like its not even untrue that he bottled a lot of points but i dont feel confident saying any driver would be able to overturn a 70 points difference vs max verstappen even in a worse car?

yeah i think i agree with pretty much everything you've said. i do think that lewis hamilton or fernando alonso would have been able to win the wdc in the 2024 mclaren, but that's because they're experienced champions who know how to approach a championship fight (and they're better drivers than lando lol) both as a driver and a member of a team. lando and mclaren clearly were not prepared to fight for a championship this year and i think drivers who have been there and done that would fare better. but those are the only two on the grid i think would actually be able to do it.

lando has made a lot of mistakes this year, and they show his lack of experience fighting for wins. that will either change as he gets more experience and mclaren really dedicate themselves to winning, or it won't and he'll continue to lose championships. who knows what'll happen 🤷🏿‍♀️ but the argument that he doesn't deserve the car is ridiculous to me. not only do i not think anyone "deserves" anything in sport, i also think that when your man has repeatedly stated that he only wants to be with ferrari and if ferrari is a cage it's one he wants to be in you cannot be mad at other people for having a better car. be mad at ferrari for not making a better car. charles has had a top team's car for almost his entire career, he has been at ferrari for as long as lando has been in f1. the only person who has had more opportunity in their f1 career is lewis hamilton who debuted in a team capable of winning races and challenging for championships. i feel like there is a myth of charles being biblically unlucky even though he's had more opportunity and luck that most people in f1 will ever get, and has done from the beginning of his career.

i also think that some of this narrative of lando vs charles as a contender comes down to the actual vs the potential. it is unequivocal that lando loses to max in a championship battle, because we've all seen it. but he was genuinely a contender in a way that charles has never been. therefore charles still has the potential to be better than lando in a championship fight with max. he certainly wasn't this year, but his potential is still there in a way that it never will be for lando again. and i think too many people look at charles's potential as fact, when it's really not

[agendabymooner]

i think he knows ! lando n. x ofc (alessandro sister!writer!ofc)

"he got the boyish look that i like in a man."

summary: nicola alessandro released a novel under the pen name 'grazie nichols' and everyone made sure that the fans are supporting her. lando norris could do anything but be subtle about the things he knew, and the novel's inspo was one of those things.

content warning: possible use of explicit language, appearance of other fictional characters (hearth sisters, lester ricciardo, etc), dirty jokes (no smut), ofc and lando being menaces, ofc being obsessed with lando, fans trying to come up with theories, ofc's account is private (colabebe)

note: (time check: 12:25 am) i'm sorry i dipped out 😭 a lot happened yesterday: i hung out with the guy (it was awkward lol) went to see the barbie movie with my sister then had a sangria after- i was planning to post something when i got home but apparently i'm a lightweight and was knocked out after. let me know what you think!!! anyway enjoy xx

ps. yes the graphics in here are stuff that i made hehe sorry if they're awful but these are just some last minute shit i made xx

masterlist

tagged grazienichols

liked by landonorris, alex_albon, arthurleclerc

user1 new booktok rec??

user2 the grid is literally hyping this up 😭 is it that good

user3 MORE FORMULA ONE BOOKS!!!

user4 my wallet: empty

user5 me rn: trying to determine which driver relates to the man in the book the most 🧐

user6 bets on leclerc

user7 hmmm i think its more like estie? he's giving muse

user8 it could be yuki ???

user9 i agree user6 it's most likely shal bc that man is book bf material

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, danielricciardo

danielricciardo i don't blame them; this book is a bomb ass book 😉 liked by grazienichols

grazienichols 🤪

user1 grazie stop emptying my wallet challenge 🤐

grazienichols 😶 sorry xx

user2 making money just to get to monaco gp- gurl i don't blame you 😭

grazienichols it's getting more expensive as years go on 🥶

f1 monaco gp you say??? 👀

user3 she's making money already just toss the ticket in us broke people's direction 🙃

user4 yeah what she said ^^

tagged charles_leclerc, loricciardo, estebanocon and 7 other people

liked by colabebe, danielricciardo, arthurleclerc

user1 isn't lester pregnant??? why is she bent like that on the 7th photo? 😭

user2 lester can do things us mere humans can't

alex_albon i am appalled liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg i can't put too much photos sorry lad

alex_albon i'll remember this.

user3 lando fed us with the hearth sisters content at the slides 2, 4 and 6 and i've never felt this loved since my ex &lt;3

user4 gurl 💀 u good

user5 ESTIE BESTIEEEE 😩 i might bust a lil gimme a sec to chill

user6 the sisters in blue 🤤

user7 who's the third photo?

user8 lester's youngest sister, nicola

danielricciardo loricciardo 🤨 what're u doing?

loricciardo protecting baby ric 😳 liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg by flattening his head? 😟

loricciardo you just reduced my standing time and increased my bedrest time lando.jpg thx

lando.jpg what 😭 what's gonna happen if you're in bedrest? is the baby's head going to inflate back to place??

danielricciardo landonorris lad. that's not how it works.

arthurleclerc colabebe that pink is nice asf

colabebe thank you art!!! nice seeing you!!!

user9 uhhhhh?!!! arthur and daniel's in-law?

georgerussell63 why am i not there??? 🧐

lando.jpg my bad- i didn't really want you to take of your shirt in the middle of the ballroom hall. not really your night tonight mate.

user10 where is toto?!!!

lando.jpg god love him but he already has enough photo taken by his own wife. give others some chance to make it to my jpg account

user10 understood king 🤌

sylvieeford no max?? he really pissed you off 😹 liked by lando.jpg

lando.jpg yeah, and keep on reminding him that. maybe he'd apologize for once 🙄

landonorris posted a story !!!

tagged landonorris

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, nora_alessandro

danielricciardo my favourite italian-british couple (no offense nora but i don't like georgerussell63 that much) liked by colabebe

nora_alessandro 😒😒

georgerussell63 you're not my favourite aussie either mate 😉

landonorris god gave me an equally obsessed gf and i love him for it liked by colabebe

colabebe just him??? 💔

landonorris me when you: 💗😩😳🤤

colabebe ❤️‍🩹

landonorris look at her

landonorris shes so pretty omg whats her @

oscarpiastri your simp looking ass is getting more obvious

colabebe 🤨 not my fault u don't get bitches 🤡

oscarpiastri do you wanna fight or wha 🤬

colabebe i deadlegged you last time and you ate shit so idk if thats even a question

oscarpiastri landonorris ur rat is at it again

landonorris hey man, that's my simp. leave her alone

mateoales throwing up

landonorris ratio + take L + didn't ask

colabebe cry + whine + sob + complain

mateoales you two are so mean when ur together

[joesalw]

Another ex-swiftie rant here. I had been a fan of hers since her debut album. I fell off the train in 2016 when Reputation came out because I was going through a lot of my own bs and couldn't be bothered to even listen to it. I listened to it after Lover came out and still didn't like it lol Anyways I really adored Lover and Folklore and Evermore so I got back on the swiftie train and I was so excited for everything. I had a feeling when Midnights came out that I was breaking away from the crowd. I didn't like half of the album that was apparently everyone else's favorite songs. (Vigilante Shit is awful, it's just like the majority of Reputation, she tries to make the awful things she does sound cool and it comes off as tone deaf.) Then she goes and dates that half drowned rat during the Eras tour and she was so aggressive about it. Her fans continue to sweep her defending a racist man's actions under the rug. Hasn't she heard the phrase "You are who your friends are"? And the people she hangs out with are drug addicts, racists, rapists, etc... it's really gross. She can say she's a liberal all she wants but she fails to walk the walk time and time again. And then TTPD! Oh boy, I was really skeptical when I saw the release date and album title. I was like "Really? Another sad girl album right before summer? Haven't we had enough angst? We're in a recession, the music should be making people dance!" and then it wasn't even a sad girl album, it was fucking deranged. For someone who's never gone to therapy because she thinks she's "very sane" she comes off as having gone off the deep end when her 6yr relationship ended. She uses something she's never gone through as an aesthetic like a white woman having a plantation wedding. She throws a temper tantrum because the public didn't like her very unlikable boyfriend. She looks like a hypocrite in "so high school", what? The cheerleader dating the football player aethetic is only cute when you do it? A lot of the lyrics were crazy triggering for me because they were basically shit my mom said verbatim when she was dating A LITERAL MURDERER!!! "You all just don't want me to be happy!" Ugh, it made me want to scream. I'm gonna spend the summer dancing to Ava Max and Chappell Roan, maybe stream Joe's movies for kicks. Even though I'm 6 years younger than her, I feel like I've finally outgrown Taylor Swift.

preach!

[chussyracing]

what's been happening in the world of motorsports lately?

a long overdue summary which is not including absolutely everything but at least some important stuff. there is a lot, so i'm putting it under the read more button :)

Jack Doohan confirmed to partner Gasly in Alpine for 2025

Ferrari will be bringing upgrades for Monza (and Fernando had something to say about their performance over the next two races……)

after the court decided that Haas owes Uralkali they were told to send unspecified amount of money as unpaid sponsorship bid to them but their trucks were literally held hostage in Zandvoort (after Uralkali got help from Dutch court), not allowed to leave with the rest of the teams until the transaction was finalized and the money ended up in Uralkali’s account, but that is sorted for now so they don’t expect to miss out on Monza

Liberty Media are selling a share in F1 to have enough funds to get Moto GP

if you weren’t already tired of it, there is another rumour of Logan losing his seat mid-season, this time either to Mick or Liam Lawson that James Vowles apparently spoke to after Logan crashed in FP3 and ultimately broke the upgrades he was fitted with for the weekend (Wolff confirmed that Kimi won’t be going to Williams for the rest of the season but didn’t rule out Mick as he “offered” him to James… he might get sold to 1d you guys), there is also possibility for Franco Colapinto to actually choose from their own junior academy

Helmut Marko said that Liam Lawson will have a seat in one of their teams in 2025, Horner said he might be on loan to another team at the same time (choose your fighter)

Lewis’ current race engineer Bono (Bonnington) will stay in Mercedes and even gets a promotion as Head of Race Engineering after Lewis’ departure, while Lewis will inherit Ricky (Adami) from Carlos in Ferrari

also Checo’s race engineer is leaving for paternity leave, so they prepared a switch up to make his current performance engineer Richard Wood (sorry but you mean to tell me there is a guy and his name is Dick Wood????? in a world where Prince Albert is real well? ok) temporarily his race engineer

Toto had a lil Freudian slip and said that they had a small chance to get Max which has now passed but they are happy about their Goerge-Kimi line up for 2025

Kimi will also have junior outing in fp1 in Lewis’ car in Monza

there are rumours about a potential F1 race in Rwanda as Domenicali had more meetings to ensure that over the summer break, it should be a permanent track and not a street circuit, so I take this as a big win (now if only we took existing track and upgraded them instead of making new ones)

Lando’s gap between p1 and p2 was the biggest winning margin all season not as big as his ego though, knowing he said “simply lovely” after crossing the checkered flag as a dig at Max lol (Sauber drivers were lapped twice I think, as much for the cars being close in performance we thoughts we could see this year)

Alex was disqualified from quali in Zandvoort because his floor was outside of compliance of the rules, so he had to start from the pitlane although he got to p8 on merit

Liberty Media are officially under investigation for rejecting Andretti’s bid to become 11th team by the US Department of Justice’s antitrust division

Charles is on the new edition of Beyond the Grid podcast which is now also available in video form (all I saw about it so far is that he wants to win with Ferrari only and he believes they can do it, he name dropped Elon Musk ew and he said Leo pees everywhere)

Zak Brown refused McLaren would be signing Adrian Newey

Nina Gademan was the wildcard for Zandvoort’s F1 Academy race and she SLAYED

Isotta Fraschini ends in WEC before the season is done so you won’t see the only private team on the grid for the last three races

despite (or maybe because) being Ferrari reserve driver, Robert Schwartzman got a chance to have a junior outing in fp1 for Stake in Zandvoort

FIA officially banned asymmetrical brakes in fear it could bring advantage (in turns) – it can be either a reaction to someone’s grey area shady business this year or reaction to teams questioning the new technical rules for 2026 onwards

Oscar got his rib broken because of wrong seat/seating position and it happened around Austria/Silverstone, but he is fully healed by now

Audi is looking at Mick and Liam Lawson as some potential candidates for the seat (but also Valtteri and now apparently Robert Schwartzman and Guanyu too – Valtteri because he posted an Audi car with number 77 on it, Robert because of his junior outing in fp1 and Guanyu because of possible sponsorship deals)

Helmut Marko yapped about Seb Vettel and that it is no secret besides Red Bull he was asking one or two other teams if they have a free seat for him

there was also the one Kyle guy from??? Nascar I think? thinking he is overall better driver than Max Verstappen which is honestly just a bit funny

gentle reminder that the drivers now have to be way more careful on the radio about swearing and talking about stewards and race control, because FIA will now be penalizing such behaviour as misconduct (Ben Sulayem also linked it all to online abuse which is a campaign he focused on with his presidency)

Mattia Binotto will have “full responsibility” in Audi because they are apparently happy about how much experience he has, especially in the technical department

Peter Bayer said that if it goes like that Yuki will be considered for 2025 Red Bull seat

Peter Windsor said that one driver is doing rally testing in secret and doing good results among uncertain F1 future and that he won’t tell who it is but it’s not Max (and then Val was asked about it because he could be the one with uncertain future and he denied it)

Ferrari will be switching to pull-rod front suspension for 2025

Oscar started his own app similarly to Logan

Porsche said after they failed to partner with Red Bull, they closed the F1 chapter and don’t wanna pursue another entry into the series

David Malukas is no longer jobless, he signed multiyear contract with AJ Foyt in Indycar

Zane Maloney tested with IndyCar in Indianapolis

BBS won’t be supplying wheel rims after 2026 to everyone so it will be one of the parts teams can get from any supplier they wish

Domenicali wants more changes to the weekend structure in the future – probably more sprints and less FPs or none at all (or points for them), maybe even reverse grid

(not sure if I already wrote this down in previous round up but) Nyck de Vries will go to Super Formula starting round 5

Fionn McLaughlin and Scott Linblom joined Red Bull junior academy

the complaint against Horner has been dismissed (are you kidding me)

Marta Garcia debuted in GT racing in Ligier European Series JS2 R and lost podium from the first race due to penalty only to win the second race

Zak Brown is apparently trying to take away team’s veto/voting rights for the new Concorde Agreement that is being finalized for future decisions

Adidas is apparently in talks with Audi to become their clothing partner

Juri Vips was meant to drive an indycar race but I didn’t put enough effort into this to find out if he really did teehee :)

(Bonus from my fave gossipers: They are set on Newey going to Ferrari, the talks about Aston bring up his value though, something his manager Eddie Jordan is well aware of. Also there are talks about the Ferrari upgrades for Monza and that they will be black – deleted everything else because they already posted the black merch and suits so they were right about this lol)

[policemanofprincesspark]

"I don't think he ever specified who the chicken parma ham was for, did he? If there's a clip out there of him trying to insinuate that it was for Eleanor, then that will truly have been a slip-up."

(this response got really long, sorry...)

I sent in the original anon about the chicken story and just wanted to say that I'd wager most non/anti-Larries assume Louis made the meal for Eleanor because those fans either don't know about or don't remember Harry's post about Louis' first meal and have no real reason to keep track of stuff like that as closely as Larries, so they probably don't even know there's a wonky timeline there - at least in terms of assuming it was for Eleanor. That's the reason I say, at least to a non-Larrie maybe researching Larry for the first time (which I was at the time), that story is one of the only genuine slip-ups in my opinion - maybe that's the wrong term for it. A lot of people also either don't know about or don't remember Hannah either.

Speaking of, I'd just like to point out that I got something wrong. Eleanor was first pictured with Louis in Sept 2011, him and Hannah apparently broke up around July 2011. So, unless you believe Hannah was some sort of early stunt - which has never really made sense to me to be honest but feel free to add your two cents on that - you could argue the chicken dish was for Hannah.

Actually, can I talk about Hannah for a hot minute? I know I just said her being a stunt doesn't make sense to me but she does have her own weird timeline discrepancy, at least in my opinion. According to the CosmicLeeds 2011 video - assuming most of their info is correct (and I believe there were screenshots of this shown) - Hannah once responded to a fan on Twitter saying that Louis and hers anniversary was March 18th but in January of 2011, she said they'd been together for 17 months which… okay, am I insane or does 17 months not add up no matter the timeline? If they got together in March 2010 as she seemed to imply, 17 months would've been August 2011. January 2011 would have been closer to 10 months, that's not even a year. Even if the dates are wrong and we assume they got together in March 2009, 17 months would still be in August 2010 and January 2011 would be about 22 months, closer to two years. I even got really weird about it and subtracted 17 months from January 2011 and that would've been August 2009, so unless she got confused and got the dates wrong or claimed the day they met or something else entirely was their anniversary, 17 months by January 2011 genuinely doesn't make sense to me. Maybe they first met March 2009 and their first date wasn't until August 2009?? Or perhaps their first date was March 2009 but they didn't make it exclusive until August 2009?? I'm just trying to be reasonable here, sorry. I suppose it doesn't matter much and maybe I'm just reading too much into it but it made my brain hurt for a good couple of hours one night. Oh hell, maybe she's just really bad at dates and math lol.

Sorry if that was confusing and weird, I'm gonna go hide in a corner now.

(it is nice to find a Larrie blog that seems open to discuss stuff like this though so thank you)

It's possible she was referring to when they'd first met or something. I don't think too much about Hannah. I don't think it matters whether she was a stunt. If she was, why did they get rid of her and give Louis a long-term beard? Why not just stick with Hannah? Sounds more like a situation where Louis broke up with her because he came to the conclusion that he was gay, and, after the G.A.Y. club incident, Simon saw it and that's when they brought in ol' Max Clifford to hook Louis up with Eleanor. On that subject, yes, Simon was upset that Louis had gotten too drunk, but... what did he specifically do that showed he was too drunk? Because watching those videos back, it doesn't look too worrying. Oh, wait:

Okay, so it's always been my theory that this picture did it. Simon saw that and flipped. It should be obvious why, but I never see anybody talk about it.

It looks like a scene out of a gay porno. Again, for obvious reasons that I shouldn't have to point out, lol.

This was about to be horrible for 1D's marketing. It was only 2011, and WMYB had just come out. Simon was not about to let Louis think it was okay to be gay openly, grabbing the hands of men in the crowd and posing with them shirtless like he was doing. Again, this was the very homophobic early 2010s, and as well 1D was marketed toward girls around 9-18 total, with the sweet spot being more around 12-16. They were just breaking into the US market. This. Was. Bad.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Thrift store Westerns I've never heard of part 2!

SHOOT FIRST AND PRAY YOU LIVE (Because Luck Has Nothing to Do With It) is an indie film from 2009 and winner of the independent spirit award at Santa Fe Film Festival, apparently. Wikipedia says it was based on the novel Luck by Max Brand. It's got everything! It's got maybe in fact too much going on! It's got split screen, it's got a brief animated sequence, it's got so many fucking flashbacks.

Opens with this, which I find very funny for some reason:

While we're on disclaimers, my quotations are summarized and not exact bc I am not going over ever few seconds of this movie. Also this movie is rated R so assume Yes for most common western content warnings.

Very GBU intro with about 10 seconds of empty street, a surprise close-up and then a tense shootout that we'll only have context for later. I hope.

The first real scene introducing our main character (Red Pierre) is a very gory shootout in a saloon. The shots themselves are fast and then we get a blow-by-blow of exactly where each of the 3 shots fired went. Lots of squirting blood from exploded arteries. I respect it but also was deliberately not looking at the screen too hard for like a solid 30 seconds or so lol. Red's first shot was shooting his opponent's thumb off, so he pulled a Silence a la The Great Silence. However in this case it was not simply a disabling move bc he did just keep shooting and murder those 2 guys. also. so. not sure what the point of that was.

Then he turns around and makes awkward eye contact with the only other guy who hasn't left the saloon, an old man who makes a high-pitched sound and goes 'I didn't see anything! Actually, no, I saw everything and you were totally in the right hahaha don't even worry about it....' Red asks if he has a horse and he stammers that he's got a burro and Red is welcome to take it. "My horse died, or I wouldn't ask," Red clarifies awkwardly, before escaping with the old man's burro. It's now night, Red frees a Mexican man whom some nasty gang members were hanging from a tree as a form of torture. Red waits at the tree, presumably waiting for these guys to show up so he can kill them? idk. He falls asleep immediately and wakes up being guarded by the daughter of the aforementioned gang leader.

fuckin womp womp sound effect plays as he realizes what happened. My guy what did you expect? Why did you go to sleep at the Local Asshole Gang's Designated Torture Tree?

STOP LOOKING SURPRISED YOU HAD TO KNOW THEY WERE COMING BACK.

Anyways the gang leader's son just got killed and then he saw Red and was like, oh yeah I hear he's killed people. Good enough! New son figure and new gang member to fill the empty seat at the table! (Everyone thinks this is a terrible idea, especially gun girl. Red is like 'you're right, what a terrible idea, I'll just... leave.... *gun pointed at him threateningly* ok or not or I'll just sit here I guess')

There's a bit where the camera zooms in on individual gang members and names them. There is no way I am remembering all 5 of these guys at once. The girl's name is Jack though. Cool. Her dad is a creep and does not seem to like her much He does, he just gets really weird dialogue. idk, I have mixed but not very coherent feelings about how Jack is handled in this movie like, generally. Anyways gang leader Jim Payne comments that Red is 'older than I thought, but young enough for what I want to make of you.' He then goes on a rant about how when he was Red's age he had a mentor who shaped him into the man he is now and he's going to be that person for Red.

Red is....

Deeply confused by all this?? but willing to roll with it for his own agenda. If the gang helps him out with some Mysterious Tasks he needs to accomplish, he'll join them willingly. Payne is delighted to hear it. The first task is burying Red's dead father. Everyone chews on some loco weed and gets high as shit before setting off on this long journey (except for Knife Guy, who I guess is loco enough without the weed and thus declines it.)

TWENTY YEARS AGO (we are getting an extended flashback)

Pierre's dad, who is now dead and needs to be buried, was having an affair with Red Pierre's mom. Bob McGurk and the other guys Red wants to revenge kill show up at his mom's house and shoot some guy and assault her. (I thought the guy they shot was her dad but eventually, in a later flashback, we find out it was just like. some other dude she happened to know, and that the killers thought it was Red's dad). She swears to kill them all and eventually manages to kill the sheriff, leaving 2 others for someone else to please take care of.

Red Pierre's dad simply can't, because he is wearing a sweater. He can't shoot no one! Not in a sweater! Despite his extended musings about what a terrible man he was and how he's going to hell, he's apparently just not a shooting man, thus letting his girlfriend be tortured by the local gang for months (yes this went on for Months before she managed to stab the sheriff.) He's also not a "raising my illegitimate son" type apparently, so he drops the kid off at a random Mexican mission to be raised by the friars.

the subtitles helpfully provide pronunciation. Also, THIS PLACE IS LIKE 900 MILES FROM THE BORDER? IS THIS WHOLE MOVIE TAKING PLACE FULLY INSIDE MEXICO (IF SO WHY IS ALMOST EVERYONE WHITE AND SPEAKING AMERICAN ACCENTED ENGLISH) AND IF NOT, DID THIS GUY RIDE 900 MILES TO DROP OFF THE KID HE DIDN'T WANT TO RAISE SOMEWHERE HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FIND HIS WAY BACK???? WHAT'S HAPPENING. WHY ISN'T RED SPEAKING SPANISH IF HE WAS RAISED DEEP IN CENTRAL MEXICO. HOW DID WE GET HERE. HOW DID WE GET ANYWHERE. WHY ARE YOU SO INSISTENT ABOUT THIS SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. LIke don't get me wrong it's a very cool geographical location but what is happening.

Anyways, Red's dying mother whispered something (I thought it was her murderous plans but it will later be revealed that I was wrong about this) into his baby ears as he lay in her dying arms and now he's gotta go murder the bad guys that terrorized his mom but first must bury his illegitimate dad who was nice to his mom but did not protect her from the other guys and also did not claim or raise him bc the dad was married to some other unseen unnamed woman who is presumably also dead now I guess bc she's just not ever going to come up. Simple! I'm so confused. The priest who raised Red after he got yeeted 900 miles south into Mexico has a monologue about raising his beloved child and WAIT HOLY SHIT IT'S ANIMATED NOW. WE'RE HAVING AN ANIMATED SEQUENCE???

I swear to God I am not making this movie up. delightful. what is happening ever. anyways no wonder Red just goes "this might as well happen" about acquiring a new father figure in Payne, he has so many fuckingn dads already...

The priest is like 'yeah I didn't even try to raise him to be a good Christian I knew he was destined to be a total badass adn beat people the fuck up so I taught him to fight bobcats and grizzly bears and climb trees and catch fish with his teeth and shit. bc I'm cool'

The priest then coyly mentions that Pierre is too much of a badass in the boxing ring and nobody wants to fight him, so he uses him as a form of penance on sinners by making them box this violent child and get beat up.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN? THIS IS NOT OUR GUY? DID HE LOSE ALL HIS PIGMENTATION AS HE MATURED. DID A GRIZZLY BEAR BITE ALL THE BROWN OUT OF HIS HAIR AND NOW IT'S RED? WHAT HAPPENED. THIS IS NOT A RED HAIRED BLUE EYED KID. IS OUR CURRENT GUY NOT RED PIERRE? IS HE ACTUALLY SOME OTHER DUDE? IS RED PIERRE (THE REAL ONE) GOING TO SHOW UP LATER??? WHAT'S HAPPENING. (This kid is a very good actor and a good fighter by the way, but he is not a good double for the guy he is allegedly the child version of.)

His opponent mumbles "que diablo" as he's getting knocked out with the most American pronunciation I've ever heard. I don't even know Spanish that well adn I can tell that's some extremely American Spanish. also

thank God we're free of the flashback. We've been here so long. No specific time given bc that would require me going back through this and I don't want to reexperience it.

...My theory about this flashback is it's showing us in realtime how Red's story becomes a legend (part of the intro featured a guy telling us and a bunch of children a story about The Legend Of Red Pierre so Storytelling is like, a Theme.) I guess? It would explain why current Red is kind of a sweet awkward quiet kid and flashback Red is Paul Bunyan if he was a ginger (but only sometimes.)

aww novice Red is so cute.

YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOW ME A MAP MONTAGE? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO REMIND ME OF THE 900 MILE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR STATED CURRENT SETTING AND WHERE THE REST OF THIS MOVIE SUPPOSEDLY TAKES PLACE? YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT DISTANCE IN THIS MOVIE?? ARE YOU SURE

oh my god we get another different flashback about Red's mom Irene now and. His dad fully was there the day that the gang killed that other guy and assaulted her. he had a gun. he had the drop on them. he... ran awayyy! It haunted him. Finally, years later, he took his gun and went to shoot McGurk, who shot him instead. that's how we ended up here, Red still has 2 guys left to kill for his parents. I've now heard this story like 19 times and it gets slightly more complicated and yet somehow less interesting every time.

Red's batshit crazy rogue priest daddy is ok with the revenge and gives him a???? Cursed crucifix??? that will bring blessings to him and evil to others?????? What's happening. I was raised Catholic I did not get any magical amulets like this

ok so we're caught up. Red killed one of the 2 guys in the first big shootout of the movie, his dad was the guy getting shot in the intro. Jack joins the men officially as part of the gang. We are now getting backstory for some random gang member whom I do not care about.

Blessedly this was a short flashback. he used to be a blacksmith before he went axe crazy, or more accurately hammer crazy, with a hammer. I think he had some reason but I couldn't understand the dialogue in that bit so who knows.

OH NO ANOTHER GANG MEMBER IS GOING TO TELL HIS LIFE STORY NOW... IS THIS GOING TO BE THE WHOLE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE? PEOPLE TAKING TURNS TALKING ABOUT THE VIOLENCE THEY'VE DONE? wait a minute. false alarm. the next guy starts his story but is INTERRUPTED! By McGurk dramatically showing up. Ok fine that was funny. you got me.

anyways McGurk wants Red dead. what a shock. oh god another flashback PLEASE DO NOT ZOOM IN ON MCGURK PULLING HIS WIENER OUT PLEASE GOD

I do like the period accurate costuming in this movie. buttons yes. can I be done here? can the movie be over here? we're not even halfway in how can I endure this.

anyways. Red and McGurk have a showdown and fire simultaneously, each wounding the other. The other gang is delighted by this as the previously untouchable McGurk being wounded means his charm is broken. He can be killed! Eventually. (?)

The storyteller from the beginning of the movie comes back and tells us that McGurk disappeared for 2 years and that Red did lots of exciting stuff during that time but we're not going to get into all that right now. He also mentions that Red has the gang working with him while McGurk has 'always been a lone wolf'. This is straight up incorrect, as we had to see at least 3 painfully long flashbacks of McGurk and his 2-3 (I forgot) cronies shooting Red's mom Irene's friend full of holes and assaulting her. As a group! He did in fact have help before, if maybe not now. anyways. I shouldn't try to logic this movie.

The kids go to a masquerade. It's cute. Jack is enjoying the dress but worries it'll compromise her tough butch persona if the boys find out. Red promises not to tell anyone. There's a trippy extended rewind sequence that shows, everything playing in reverse, that McGurk, now wearing an eyepatch, has been stalking them all day, and then a completely unnecessary but in parts very funny sequence where McGurk gets a shave and the barber gossips to him about his backstory , providing a couple details we hadn't known but that I don't think matter much. 'now I never even seen a picture of McGurk, but they say he was an unnatural looking man, with a face you'd never forget,' says the barber, dabbing shaving cream onto McGurk's face. lol. It gets to be too much when the barber implies that McGurk dragged himself off into the wilderness and died somewhere, never to be heard of again. McGurk, very alive, pulls out his gun and asks if Red is still alive, and where to find him, thus bringing us back to before the masquerade, though first we must get ANOTHER flashback showing that McGurk did indeed drag himself off into the wilderness and ALMOST die, and he spent the whole time thinking about how much he hated Red.

Then there's a bit from I guess before the masquerade in which one of the gang members gets jittery over one of the others not showing up on time and tells Red he's bad luck, despite Jim Payne's argument that he's brought them nothing but good luck for these past 2 years. Red and the complainer square up for a duel and the other gang members go wait outside. We get some split screen of inside and outside the building:

It's fun but I'm not sure why it needed to happen. The complainer decides to just Not today and slinks off, but Jim mumbles that the other gang members will have to pick sides and a breakup is coming. We exit split screen. Then for no discernible reason we re-enter split screen.

Split screen gives us 2 slightly different shots of the same porch scene for a very funny and confusing moment, then McGurk steps into view in one shot while the gang doesn't notice him in the other. He shoots Jim Payne, Rodrigo and I think that's hammer guy? I think he killed the other non-complainer gang member earlier but the 2 guys sitting outside were shooting at a wasp and therefore didn't hear his shots, which happened at the same time? That section was confusing.

Ok NOW we're back up to the masquerade, and we have to watch a bunch of the same shots again. No wonder this movie is nearly 2 hours, it's mostly repetition, a lot of it of the same couple of flashbacks. Anyways, McGurk shows up at the masquerade, threatens Red, dances with Jack. Red gets knocked unconscious by someone and wakes up tied to a post in the middle of nowhere.

Oh look, Chollas! That places this movie as taking place in the Sonoran Desert, so somewhere in Arizona, southern American California, parts of Nevada or New Mexico, Baja California (unlikely) or northwestern Mexico. Filming apparently took place in New Mexico. You will notice that zero of these places are ANYWHERE near the one SPECIFICALLY NAMED location with title card and everything, TzinTzunTzan Mexico. No I'm not done being annoying about this I'm never done. Does anyone know how distances work?

Anyways. Red is tied up, concussed and dehydrated. The complainer from the gang shows up and mocks him. It was he who kidnapped Red! And now he's going to kill him. But fairly, of course. He'll give Red a weapon--he places it in his left hand and leaves him tied up, of course. And I am going to turn on captions for these because I need you to see that I'm not making this dialogue up oh my God.

"Because I face my challenges head-on! Like a train going down the tracks! I love trains. ...Robbing... trains."

Red shoots the complainer, whose name I will never not mishear as Gandalf (it's Gandall or something?) and then Some Guy happens along to find Red. I'm pretty sure this is the same guy he freed from being tied to a tree at the start of the movie but I'm not sure. The guy comments 'it's only fair' as he releases Red, so maybe I'm right? It's not super obvious if they recognize each other or not. He does threaten Red a bit first before freeing him. idk.

Anyways I think this man is hot and watching him playfully mess with Red a bit before releasing him was the closest I've come to sexualizing anyone in this movie. Mostly I have been too confused and haven't cared about anyone enough.

Red, now freed, finds McGurk McLurking over his mother's grave and yells at him to get away from it, furious. They have a showdown. Red shoots McGurk's gun hand, then drops his own gun and dares McGurk to try to pick his up faster. McGurk doesn't move. Red mocks him, then finally tells him that there would be no satisfaction in killing him like this, even though Red could, and to get out. McGurk leaves his gun, throws his belt of ammunition in Red's general direction and skedaddles. A flashback reveals that Irene told Red's presumed father whom he buried in the beginning of the movie that McGurk was the young Red's father (I did wonder about that. But also how did she know? Red was redhaired like his father. Well I guess his non-father was more blond but like. He definitely doesn't look like McGurk. And all those creeps had their way with her so like. how do we... know... that it's him.... in particular. None of these guys had red hair also. except maybe his dad who wasn't his dad.) but anyways... in Red's non-dad's one moment of bravery, he picked up baby Red, saw McGurk McLurking outside, and shouted 'the boy's mine. Get out!' at him. And McGurk actually McLeft. In the present, once again, he runs away from Red. an interesting ending, though I'm not sure I'd call it a satisfying one--maybe if it was more "Red is sticking to his moral principles of not killing where avoidable" was more of a Thing up to this point, but like, Red has killed a bunch of people and not seemed to mind joining the outlaw gang and presumably doing a bunch of crime with them for 2 years. So. idk??

It's then revealed via, surprise, ANOTHER FLASHBACK that Red had given the magical cross amulet thing to Jack before their dance and so has been winning these last fights with his own skill and no luck, which is a fun reveal I guess. It then cuts to Jack who has been caught and tied up by bandits though, so like, I guess the cross does not work at all bc that is just some real bad luck for her. So. What was the point of any of this?

The movie ends there. No explanation of what's going on with Jack. We do not see her get rescued. I don't even know who those guys that tied her up are. We've never seen them before. What the fuck is happening. ROLL CREDITS!

Ok thoughts: idk interesting movie. I didn't feel strongly about it. I think it's clear the people making it were having a lot of fun so that's cool. Red was kind of a fun character, especially when he's awkward and dorky. Very lovable. However his motivations and general morality are an enigma to me. For a guy who has that much exposition about him I'm really very confused about what's going on with him, which does not seem like it should be possible at this point.

Jack was potentially a fun character but I feel her dad was so weird about her gender while I didn't have a solid grip on how she felt about it herself. It's implied that she has to be a man to join the gang and her dad allows it as long as she dresses masc and shoots guns but views her as neither man nor woman. Potentially fun concept.. I really wish we didn't end the movie with a casual non sequitur of her getting attacked by some random dudes. Do we not have enough women experiencing violence in this movie already. It's in every fuckign western I watch and I am just so tired of it.

idk. I think Red should've shot McGurk. It's not like he was Not shooting anyone else. Why would he shoot all those other guys and NOT McGurk. Maybe he thinks it's crueller to make him live knowing that he had to run away from Red. idk. Also why did we have those two (and a half? there's a brief moment where he talks to someone in a saloon?) sequences of the storyteller talking about the legend of Red Pierre? What did that add?

I did like some of the humor in this movie. Generally I think it was rather incoherent but had some fun along the way. Maybe too much, to a confusing degree. I also liked the costuming and how dusty and greasy everyone looks.

I feel like maybe the characterization was clearer in the book but falls flat or just seems confusing in a movie... this is just a theory though.

Anyways. Unexpected parallels between this movie and the other western I'd never heard about before finding it at a thrift store and making a tumblr post about, Gallowwalkers:

-Some kind of secret society of magical wizards which is vaguely Catholicism-flavored and described as a religious order despite having absolutely nothing to do with real world Catholicism

-Older, morally questionable gunfighter notices a conventionally attractive younger white boy and immediately goes "that's my new boy. I'm adopting him. Boy, hello, I am your new mentor, whether you want one or not. Come shoot people with me." In both cases it's so weird and flat and confusing that I don't even ship it, despite being a known freak and Wanting to...

-generally confusing movie. Too much going on that is never fully explained and yet the stuff that is explained gets too wordy.

Anyways I skipped through the credits to the end looking for some explanation of the ending and did get this:

To be continued?? you thought you were going to make another one of these? well that explains the ending I guess. oh well.

There actually WAS also a brief funny stinger of the shopkeeper whom Red and Jack held up and told to lie on the floor and count to 5000 reaching 4998 and going "To hell with this" and getting up. lol.

[pynkhues]

How tall *is* Sam? 5'9", 5'10"? By all accounts he's taller than Jacob or at least seems taller -- though that could be posture. I know a couple people who were at the premier said that he carries himself in a way that makes him seem genuinely tall even if he's not particularly tall. The broad shoulders and large head may contribute lol

I think the broad shoulders, big head and posture probably go a long way, haha.

He's listed on most sites as being 5'10, which makes me inclined to think he's probably a bit under that, given male actors tend to round up, but I don't think by much? I think he's probably 5'9 / 5'9 1/2? He's a lot shorter than William McInnes on The Newsreader, who's kind of a good gauge for me personally as I've actually met William a few times through work (Very lovely man! Very tall man! I've worked various literary festivals / events over the years where he was promoting his memoirs, and he was consistently just a gem to all the staff and especially lovely to my grandma who had been very excited to meet him and left their exchange only more in love with him, not less, so I have a big soft spot for him) William was 6'4 when he was younger and I'd say probably 6'3 now as he's gotten older?

That difference feels pretty accurate to me given Josh O'Connor is apparently 6'2, and Max Irons 6'2 1/2.

Jacob is listed as 5'9, and while I do think Sam is slightly taller - probably about a half inch, maybe a little more, I do think they're very much of a height with one another, and any barefoot difference would be fairly negligible.

After all, shoes go a long way, and both Lestat and Sam love their cuban heel boots, haha. I thought it was p interesting in the finale though where they gave Jacob a slightly platformed boot, and he instantly had height over Sam, despite the latter still wearing a heeled boot too.

But yes! Definitely think Sam's a little taller, but I think it's an inch at most and that they're both within the 5'9 range, give or take with shoes. A few more pics below the cut (I tried to keep it to full body shots where you can see their footwear).

[khiphop-discussions]

RAP:Public Ep.2 part 1

They don't talk about it here but J-Tong started the "Buckwilds" crew. It had SO many members and some of them are big names as of today. Zico, Giriboy, Lil Boi, and more. Here's a list (I'm not even sure this is a full list. I remember back in the days thinking there was so many members. I didn't even attempt to memorize lol):

Some things I didn't know but found out on namuwiki:

I don't remember this (I think this was from before I got big into khh) but he was under Just Music and then Ameoba Culture. He also dissed the Soul Connection group (Bang Yongguk's old crew?!?) and it basically destroyed their career (at least as a crew. Obviously BYG ended up becoming BYG). All of this was from before the time I became a huge khiphop fan so I can't give anymore details regarding all of this, unfortunately. I'll try to do some research some other time but I'm sure almost all resources about it are in Korean.

All spoilers from this point on

There's 60 rappers to split between 8 blocks (groups/teams in the rap:public). 60 divided by 8 is 7.5 (shout out to all the contestants who were struggling to find this out in their head cause I was too lol). The teams less than 6 will get eliminated. A team can't have more than 8. So I wonder how that will be reconciled if more than 8 people want to go to one? It seems like there will be votes.

Kaogaii is right. It is advantageous to have a smaller team at the end. 300,000 won has to be split between the members of the winning block. This means it's likely we'll see teams turn on each other towards the end. Probably why we so many many arguments/crying in the flashforwards on ep.1.

Jtong becomes the first member voted on to the block. Next is Loopy. Then, Haon. 4th Since. 5th Khundi Panda. 6th Kaogaii. Apparently, he was on a show called "Money Game" too? Can't lie, I'm suspicious of Kaogaii. He's very aware of survival shows + the commentary he's made? At this point, this is just a show/business for him. So it seems like he'll make tough, sometimes harsh, cold decisions with ease. It's like those people on the reality show who say "I didn't come here to make friends" and they end up being insufferable cause they treat everyone as disposable and will be highly manipulative if they feel it necessary.

7th. Owen...*eyeroll*. 8th. Hippie Kunda. Unexpected but I'm glad to see a lesser known rapper (and another female) make it.

Why they all vote for Hippie Kunda if no one wanted to be on her team? People didn't choose her team but Haon had lots of people who wanted to be on his. 99 Nasty Kids has a short segment. They said both will leave of one leaves and most rappers (rightfully) thought that's a bad mindset to have. Owen was like "They should have gone on a dating show"...boy...shut up. (Note: if anyone other than Owen said this, I probably would have thought it was funny lol)

Jtong chooses Damini, Loopy choose Yukon, Haon chooses Yang Kyle, Since chooses Punchnello, Kaogaii chooses Geegooin, Owem = Double Down, and Hippie Kunda = Drain K (other half of 99 Nasty Kids and also the first person to say he wants to be on her team). Khunda doesn't choose cause he doesn't want people with opposing styles. Luci Gang and someone else. He says he'll wait and recruit good/better artists. Naturally some people won't get recruited to their first team of choice. I understand his reasoning cause its hard to make opposing styles fit. However, I think he might be better off with someone more trendy since show usually come down to who has the best songs/performance as opposed to solely the best "technical" rapper.

So far block 6 is Kaogaii, Jo Gwangil, Geegooin. All talented but none all that popular despite being highly successful on smtm. I understand that. If you don't blow up after smtm, its kind of a sign that you're a but niche. Most people are probably here to max their popularity so they'd wanna go for popular teams. Plus, many probably aren't really fans of these 3 or at least are bigger fans of others. Joonie comes to the team but its clear they don't want her. They don't think she's all that good clearly. Kaogaii feels like she's not good live from what we've seen.

They wanna use Joonie basically as a shield. Make sure they have enough members but if eliminations come, get rid of her. Fucking men. I can admit, this is the most strategic thing to do here. But...fucking men...

Kaogaii is right. Why vote for him but not want to be on his team? He says he's humiliated about it. No one chose his team for multiple rounds. 7th round came. At this point Haon and another team didn't recruit for a round.

Eventually, Kohway and someone else comes.

Block 8 has Bizzy and someone else.

Block 1 (jtong), 2 (Loopy), 3 (Haon), and 7(Owen *obligatory eyeroll*) all have 8 members. 5 (khundi panda) has 6 members and then announced he'd "close" recruitment. He's got Hash Swan, Mason Home, Luci Gang (who he initially rejected instead of choosing?), Mckdaddy, and someone else.

10th round recruitment, o'domar goes to block 6 (kaogaii). Kp goes to block 8 (he initially got passed in the first round with Khundi Panda. He was the one next to Luci Gang earlier).

Last one is Leo (is this the guy signed to B.I.'s label or someone else?). Since rejects him, Khundi seems like he considers to give him the benefit of the doubt but doesn't remember his rap. Everybody is getting secondhand embarrassment and sadness for the rapper but no one tries to recruit.

Finally, Hippie Kunda chooses him. Damn, I wish they'd have done that earlier instead of drawing it out. Somehow I feel more secondhand embarrassed knowing how long it took. Now it's even MORE blatantly obvious they didn't want him but recruited purely out of pity.

But he's smiling with that big pretty smile anyway! OK Leo! Next round show them why they were dumb to not take a chance on you! Head up!

Jtong recruited all of the loud, unique people. Damini, Don Mills, Jeffrey White (okashii), Fleeky Bang, Goldbuuda, and Kang Hyuk.

Loopy: yukon, kim ga yeon, shyboiitobii, khan, xwally, nosun, and raf sandou (okashii). Seems like he wants the unknown people and up and comers. He wants to showcase something new and unique.

Haon: Yang Kyle, James An, Dommiu, Noh Yunha, BBULKUP, Reddy, Osun. Everybody is saying it's balanced. I don't have many thoughts on this team. I'll have to see how they work together.

Since: Punchnello, Kim ryul, Viin, Boi B, sky minhyuk, and cocona. This is interesting. Everybody here is a good performer.

Khundi Panda: mckdaddy, jp, mason home, luci gang, and hash swan. I'm not too hopeful about this team. I'm not really sure how they can do in this show. It's an interesting mix. They are talented but I'm not sure what type of songs they can really do. None of them are really people who make songs that you want to dance/party to or just chill to. Hash Swan can make songs like that but idk about the others. Also, for Swan he can be hit and miss in terms of songs. I like some of luci gang's songs but not a huge fan yet. I am looking forward to seeing more of her on this show.

Kaogaii thinks his team can beat any team. Joonie, Kohway, Koala, Geegooin, jo gwangil, and odomar. This isn't a horrible team. Seems like it has a mix of style and technical skill. It is very diverse.

To me, right now it seems like jtongs team is the strongest. I know some of the members are polarizing. But I've seen enough of most of them to know they can carry their part in a performance or song. If it was solo (which it might become at some points in the show) then I'd be a bit more skeptical. However, I do believe they all can do well if there's other people there for support.

I'm gonna stop here cause it's late. But I plan to continue this series throughout the week.

[kateofthecanals]

A Little Ditty About Jack and bi-Anne...

Welp, it's been nearly a decade since I discovered my last big ship hyperfixation -- shoutout to my aunt for texting my mom and me and telling us we HAVE to watch "Black Sails" on Netflix. So we did and WHOOPS, new OTP! And of course, as always with my OTPs, it's a ship that comes with some controversy. It just wouldn't be a ship of mine if there weren't some other, annoying competing ship that I constantly have to side-step in fandom spaces like a freaking minefield. What sets this one apart from those other ships, though, is the not insignificant number of posts I see from people claiming to be JackAnne shippers but who say things like "I love them they're just such good friends!" or calling them "platonic" or closing their eyes to ANY romantic aspects of their relationship. To which I have to say... well, A LOT.

For starters, I need to point out a very telling moment from the very first episode of the series. Jack and Anne are hanging out at the inn on Nassau when Max slinks over and sits on Jack's lap. Anne immediately reacts out of jealousy, rising from her seat and grabbing for her daggers, but Jack holds her off. (Max is not soliciting Jack for sex; she is trying to sell him the schedule that John Silver stole.) This seems to make it very clear that one of both of them considers themselves an exclusive couple. Apparently, Jack is not even allowed to partake in meaningless sex with the many prostitutes that populate the island! But that seems just fine with him, because, throughout the entire 4 seasons of this series, we never once see him even come close to hooking up with someone else. Like, he does not even entertain the notion. Even when he and Anne are on a "break" at the beginning of Season 3 when she is shacking up with Max, Jack has every opportunity to find himself another lover too, but he doesn't. The closest he gets is employing a prostitute to play cello for him while he takes a shit, lol. We later learn that Anne met Jack when she was 13; she's about 25 or so during the show, so they have been together for at least a decade (when they actually became lovers, though, is not clear). So, the fact that they are apparently in some form of a long-term monogamous relationship at the start of the series is a very important detail to keep in mind.

Now, my hot take (which I'll probably get hate mail for) is that Anne either (a) had always been openly attracted to women but never bothered to act on it out of her duty & loyalty to Jack, or (b) wasn't particularly interested in women at all prior to Max. Either way, I do not think Anne was "repressed" or anything and needed Max to, like, coax it out of her, because I don't think it was about that at all. It is clear that Max's particular gift of persuasion and seduction, coupled with their shared trauma and Anne's increasing need for intimacy and connection (which she was obviously lacking with Jack) is what led to their affair.

It's essential to look at Anne's arc through the lens of her backstory in order to properly contextualize it. She was a child bride, physically and sexually abused, with no real power until Jack gave it to her by killing her husband. (Note how she knows how to properly and gently administer the anti-pregnancy treatment to Max -- something she no doubt learned to do during her marriage.) It perfectly explains why Anne was so upset by Max's treatment on the beach and her willingness to go to such extreme lengths to free her. Even Jack -- who Anne insists would have backed her up even if he had known about it -- does not quite understand the effect the situation had on Anne. He outright says this, but is also still a bit dismissive of it. In fact, we frequently see Jack be quite insensitive toward Anne's feelings throughout Season 1. (Though, tbf, Anne herself is a bit inconsistent here -- she admonishes Jack for calling Max "the whore" but she herself refers to her as much... even after they started sleeping together!)

And this kicks off an increasing pattern of Jack seemingly becoming more and more dismissive of Anne on the whole. He stops including in her plans, and he is unable to remain aroused while having sex with Anne. She's angry, frustrated, and feeling unseen. Then there is Max, who is aggressively pursuing her. (There is a conversation to be had about the optics of Max's constant disrespecting of Anne's wishes to be left the fuck alone if she were a man but we won't go there now...) She not only offers Anne fulfilling sex but also something else that has been missing in her life -- intimacy. It's worth noting here that every sexual encounter between Jack and Anne that's on-camera is initiated by Anne. (Yes, even the tied-to-the-bed one, because she's topping and she's frustrated by his lack of interest, so it was most likely her idea.) This isn't someone who's, like, just laying back and thinking of England out of some sense of duty, like she probably did with her husband and his friends. She has an appetite and Jack is a willing participant. However, despite their love for and devotion to each other, it apparently kind of stops there. So it's no surprise that Anne finally gives in to Max. But when she finally does show up to Max's door, she looks like this:

This is not the face of someone who's anxious to start an affair. This is not the face of someone anticipating some world-changing discovery about herself. This is a face of... shame. This is the face of someone who knows they are about to betray someone else. Tbh if someone showed up to my door for a booty call looking like that, I'd tell them to just go back home.

But to Anne's surprise, Jack is... well, not exactly okay with it, but he accepts it, because it's clearly something Anne needs -- an itch she needs to scratch, as he puts it. And he's willing to give her that space rather than lose her completely. (Though Anne probably has mixed feelings about this too -- on the one hand relieved that Jack is accepting of it, but also partly wishing he would fight a little harder for her, that he didn't fly into a jealous rage... We all wanna be fought for, right?)

So Max opens up this whole new world for Anne, one where fucking can be something MORE. And whattyaknow, she wants to share this with Jack! Just because she is with Max doesn't mean she still doesn't want to be with Jack too. She could not be any more clear (save for actually SAYING so) that she wants to share this intimacy with him. The point is even driven home after their first threesome, when it's with JACK that she is doing her post-coital cuddling. Like DUDE she is trying to tell you something, PAY ATTENTION!

Just a coupla bros snuggling after sex ☺️

Meanwhile, Max is coming to the very swift conclusion that she will never truly have Anne all to herself, so she tries to further drive a wedge between them by initiating a little "moment" with Jack during another one of their trysts. This after Anne had told Jack that she's aware Max is probably playing her, so she needs Jack close by to make sure Max does not succeed in driving a wedge between them.

Anne: "I need you to watch my back in there, Jack."

Jack: "SAY LESS."

The ultimate wingman 👍

We also see Jack putting 2 and 2 together when he hears Max explaining to Idelle the difference between fucking and seducing (though he doesn't seem to take this hint for HIMSELF... sigh). So now another strike against Jack -- actually engaging with Max while in bed with her and Anne.

The NERVE!!!

Then comes the straw that breaks the camel's back... the ultimate betrayal. When Jack's new crew gives him an ultimatum between Anne and Max, he chooses Max (for business and financial reasons). This sends Anne into a spiral. She even tries to join another crew but they tell her that if even Jack Rackham doesn't want her any more, why would they? She then has a full-on mental breakdown. She murders two innocent people (one of which is a member of Captain Flint's crew) and instead of trying to flee, she stays at the scene of he crime and waits to be discovered, and face the inevitable consequence -- her own death. Luckily, Max finds her and tries to help her, and it's here that we (and Max) learn Anne's backstory. Anne laments that she doesn't know who she is without Jack and wonders who she could have been if they had never met, if she could have found a way to save herself instead. Then Max gives her an oversized dress to wear and Anne basically reverts to her previous self before she met Jack -- a scared little girl silently following a strange man into the bedroom. Freaking heartbreaking!!!

But Max affords Anne an opportunity to exist and operate outside of Jack by giving her a little spy assignment in another port. It's the longest period of time and furthest she has ever been separated from Jack and it gives her time to put things in perspective. She even at one point considers just taking off on her own somewhere entirely. But ultimately she decides to return to Nassau and to Jack, telling him that it was an impossible choice he was given. The way his eyes are all glassy and his voice cracks when they are reunited UGH....

He wants SO BAD to hear Anne say that she came back to be with him (and possibly make it official?) and even presses her about it the next day. Thus comes Anne's infamous "I can't be your wife" line, which always makes me 🤨 because uhhhhh you WERE his wife, gurl lmao. But in the context of everything that just happened, it makes sense -- she wants/needs an identity outside of Jack. However she still wants to be by his side until the day they die. Kind of the king of mixed messages there...

The tear!!! 😭

Following this, Anne enters her "Have Your Cake and Eat It Too" Era. She wants to continue her affair with Max, but she also wants to keep Jack near… ish. After returning to Nassau, she even moves out of Jack's room and into Max's(!!?). The threesome is over. She completely takes for granted that Jack will just always be there when or if things go sideways with Max (and lbr she’s right; he would 100% take her back no questions asked.) Jack complains that he barely even sees Anne anymore but he just has to suck it up and take it, even when it's being constantly rubbed in his face. Even so, it's never far from Max's mind that eventually Anne is going to have to choose between her and Jack and she will inevitably be left out in the cold. She even tells Jack this, even though he has his doubts. Anne resists the idea of breaking things off, but Max soon convinces her that they might as well call it sooner rather than later. And after all that initial hemmin' and hawin' and whimperin', Anne moves on pretty quick. Jack left her out of ONE sailing expedition and she became SUICIDAL, but she breaks up with Max, whom she is supposedly in love with, and she's sad for like a day, lol. Just sayin...

So now Jack and Anne are officially back together and making a clean break from Nassau to start a new life somewhere else with their cache of jewels. But of course, Jack being Jack, he's like "on second thought nah Imma go back get myself a pardon so I don't have to change my name brb!" He's obviously arrested immediately, setting off a whole insane chain of events that the entire rest of the series hinges on. (istg Jack is the Peter Quill of "Black Sails" lmao)

Now here is when Anne's declaration about not being Jack's "wife" enters shaky ground. This is also a good time to address the term "partner". This is a word bandied about and bounced around between several characters and dynamics throughout the course of the series, usually in reference to a financial or business alliance. Jack and Anne are frequently referred to as partners too, but when it comes to them, the term takes on a whole other more nuanced and deeper (and some might even say co-dependent) meaning. They are partners in every conceivable sense of the word -- they are partners in piracy, they are partners in companionship, they are partners in the bedroom, and they are partners in life. What is Jack's is also Anne's and vice versa. Any conversation about their futures is always intertwined with each other. After being captured by Woodes Rogers, Jack basically refers to Anne as his "wife" when positing a hypothetical scenario to Rogers in which their predicaments are switched. Meanwhile, Anne tells Flint that, in their plan to rescue Jack and recover the cache, Jack means more than the money or Flint's war, because "what I got to lose ain't so easy to recover from." So, you know, she can sit there and SAY she can't be his wife, but lbr.... SHE IS.

This point is driven home when she discovers Jack still alive in the wreckage of the carriage, she scrambles breathlessly inside, grabs him, and plants the biggest damn kiss on his lips. Yeaaahhhh Max WHOMST? ;-)

Just a coupla bros high-fiving… with their mouths ☺️👊

Now, it’s conceivable, though perhaps unlikely, that this is the first time Jack’s ever had a real brush with death, or the first time Anne has faced such a situation. Either way, things seemed to have changed from this point on. Because this is the first time we've seen them kiss! Again, unlikely they've never kissed before but this is the first time WE have seen it, so it must be significant... right?

So what changed? My best guess is that, with Max now out of the picture - and she having lied to Anne's face about Jack being tortured while under arrest to manipulate her into giving up the cache - and with their futures currently on extremely shaky ground now that Nassau has been taken over by Woodes Rogers, Jack is really the only stable thing in her life at this point. No matter what else happens in the world, they at least have each other, and that is the one thing she knows she can count on. And having faced the very real possibility of his imminent death (either by the noose in Port Royal or in the carriage crash), Anne is realizing that he is her world, and she is determined to hold onto that for dear life.

Soon the roles are reversed, when Jack and Anne are captured by Rogers while fighting on Blackbeard's crew. After brutally keelhauling Blackbeard, the rest of the crew are chained up in the hold and Jack forced to choose crewmembers to fight one of Rogers's thugs. One by one, the crewmen are picked off, until Anne convinces Jack to let them take her next, which he is obviously NOT about but reluctantly agrees. Indeed, she gets absolutely pummeled, and she severely injures her hands while attacking the thug with broken glass shards. She's able to get a hold of the keys and toss to the crewmen to break free, and they subdue/murder Rogers's thugs. But Anne is severely, almost fatally, injured. Jack cares for her as best he can with their meager resources on the ship.

Here, have a Renaissance painting.

When they get back to Nassau, Max confronts Jack and tells him that the best way to defeat Rogers is by going to Philadelphia and appealing to the now-dead Eleanor Guthrie's grandfather for help. Jack agrees to the plan, and even invites Max to come with him. Which made me wanna pull my hair about because DUDE, you JUST got Anne back to yourself and were THIS CLOSE to leaving Max completely behind y'all and now you want to reintroduce her into Anne's space again?? Either he's feeling super secure or he's an idiot. (Since it's Jack, I'm opting for the latter...)

As expected, the first thing Max wants to do when she gets on the ship is see Anne, which Jack allows (duuuuuude!!!!). Luckily, Anne tells her to get the fuck out, and AS ALWAYS, Max initially refuses. But Anne insists so she finally leaves. The next time Jack goes to tend to Anne, all of her mixed emotions are stirred up again, which is honestly the last thing she needs. Jack confirms that he told Max to not visit her again and says "You can murder her another day." Which confirms for me that he really does think he's sitting pretty with Anne now, because it seemed clear to me that that was not what Anne was thinking at all. She just didn't wanna deal with it.

So they get to Philly, and poor tropical-blooded Jack is completely ill-prepared for northern weather. He tells Max to stay on the ship because he's pretty sure she will double-cross him and serve him up on a platter for prosecution at the first opportunity. When Jack finally gets in to see Grandpa Guthrie (but not before telling Featherstone to find a proper doctor in the city to tend to Anne), he blows Jack off, but his wife takes him aside and presents herself as the real brains behind the operation and is intrigued by the proposal. So, new plan: Jack brings Max to the followup meeting hoping to appeal to Granny Guthrie's feminist ideals or whatever. It seems to work, and Granny agrees to the plan, but with one caveat -- she wants Flint dead, and she wants Jack to pull the trigger.

Soooo at this point, I'm pretty much convinced this is a death sentence for Jack, because, well, Flint is the main character, there's no way that, if Flint does die, it's gonna be at Jack's hands. Jack seems to be feeling the same way, as he returns to the ship as if condemned. Anne, who is now up and about (and looking very Virgin Mary-esque), greets him on the deck where he tells her what he has to do. She doesn't seem to doubt that he can accomplish it -- she is more worried about how he will be able to live with himself after. But he reminds her of why he is doing any of it in the first place -- for them. He prepares to leave, and they share the sweetest frickin' kiss in the history of mankind.

Just a coupla bros sharing a tender kiss

When I first saw this, I was nearly sobbing, because I was convinced this was the last time they would see each other. Jack may have thought so too, even if Anne didn't.

So Jack sets off to his fool's errand, leaving the door wide open for Max to turn Anne's head again. In the meantime, Anne, for some reason, enlisted Idelle to find her a list of other ships leaving Philly, because Anne intends on just peacing out, even though, as she tells Idelle, she's sure Jack will return. Sooooo, what, then Jack gets back, and she would just be gone?? Kind of a dick move! I have no idea why Anne was wanting to leave. There's a moment preceding Idelle's entrance where Anne attempts to slice a piece of bread but her injured hands won't work -- does she want to leave because she feels she would be useless now or something? That she would be some sort of hinderance to Jack? That she doesn't want to have to rely on him any more than she already does if it turns out she has lost some if not all of the use of her hands? And that she wants to leave while he's out to sea so that he doesn't have the chance to talk her out of it when he gets back? That is honestly all I can think of.

At any rate, Idelle then jumps into this whole dumb speech about how amazing and wonderful Max is, and how she wants to share all her successes and spoils with Anne. It's fucking annoying but LOOK, it seems to have kept Anne from getting on a boat and leaving Philly, so fine, whatever.

Meanwhile, Max has another meeting with Granny Guthrie, who has another caveat, this time for Max -- she wants her to marry the man she has picked out to be Nassau's next governor. It would be a completely political marriage, in name only. Max refuses. Why? Because it might interfere with her chances of getting back together with Anne.

CUE ALLLLLL THE EYE ROLLS.

Like GURL, did you not hear her?? She said SHAM MARRIAGE. Meaning, do whatever the fuck you want behind closed doors. Now, call me crazy, but I would have thought that Max would refuse this arrangement because, you know, she comes from slave culture where white men took advantage of brown girls in this way all the time? Max herself even gives this big speech at one point about how she had to sit back and watch the master of the plantation where she was a slave, who was her father, play with and dote on his other (white) daughter. You'd think THIS would have played a bigger role in her decision. But no. She's just really concerned about the minor possibility that she and Anne will hook up again. (Even Anne doesn't see an issue with the marriage proposal.) So, Max whimpers and whines all this to Anne, who doesn't say anything but holds out her hand to Max. Which was nice and all, but it really doesn't tell us much about Anne's intentions here. But it seems like Anne is indicating that she forgives Max for lying to her and that she at least is willing to be friends again.

Meanwhile, Jack finally reaches Skeleton Island, but instead of killing Flint, he rescues him, and together they decide to engage Rogers in one final battle. Indeed, they end up double-teaming him and defeating him and his crew. Jack refuses to kill him, though, deciding that getting Granny Guthrie to purchase and then default on Rogers's debts will be a fate worse than death for him.

And so, Jack returns to Philly, and Anne is right there to greet him, running through the busy streets and right into his waiting arms.

Just a coupla bros hugging it out.

The moment is slightly ruined, though, when Max comes out and stands watching from a distance with a pouty look on her face. Jack catches her eye and suddenly looks... guilty? For WHAT?? For having the love of his life wrapped out him like a shroud cuz she's so freaking happy to see him again?? GO AWAYYYY.

Anyway, this is the last time we even see Anne and Max in the same space together. The series, and the story of Jack and Anne, wraps up when we see Jack back in Nassau, now out of English hands again and being governed by Featherstone -- but with Max the true power behind the throne -- insisting to a young recruit named "Mark" Read that piracy no longer exists in Nassau but okayitkindadoesbutshhhh. He invites "Mark" onto his ship, where "Mark" is introduced to Anne, who clocks “him” immediately (of course it's Mary Read, y'all!). She and Jack then take stock of the new and improved flag for their ship, which turns out to be the now infamous and iconic skull-and-crossed-swords emblem we all now associate with pirate ships. Cue credits! The End!

So, WHEW, Jack and Anne both made it out of this series alive, which honestly I didn't see coming. AND they ended up together again, as they should be. Of course, it's kind of bittersweet, because if you know anything about the real Jack and Anne, you know that the introduction of Mark/Mary Read means the beginning of the end for them. Still, the series ends on a perfect note, and you cannot convince me that, after everything we saw just in Season 4 alone, that these two won't rekindle their romance at some point -- if they haven't already. Because they just aren't the same people that they were when the series started, and their relationship is on a different footing now too. And even if Anne does decide to restart things with Max, or anyone else for that matter, the fact is, that person will never have all of Anne. It was always be Anne and Jack; they are a package deal. I'm not talking about a throuple situation here (even when Anne was sleeping with both Max and Jack, it was never an actual threesome, because Jack and Max didn't really like or trust each other); I mean that that 3rd person is always going to have the knowledge looming over them that Jack is #1 in Anne's life. Even Max knew this, and she decidedly not to delay the inevitable by breaking things off with Anne prematurely ("you can't fire me, I quit!"). And that's how it will always be.