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i2sunric · 5 months ago

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𝐖𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 (p.sh)

PAIRING: knight!sunghoon x queen!reader (f)

SUMMARY: after your parents death, you were forced to be crowned queen of the north realm and decided to take a young sergeant as your personal guard. however, you can’t ignore the evident tension between the two of you, that will lead to some… illicit affairs. well, it never happened if nobody knows, right?

WARNINGS: 1800s au. mentions of war and death, fencing terms, sexual tension, unprotected sex (they didn’t have condoms, did they?), masturbation, dirty talk, missionary, fingering, cream pie, angst if you squint (like, really squint), mentions of scars, pet names (sweetheart), i abused the world ‘would’. i know. lmk if more. NOT PROOFREAD.

PUBLISHED: 20th August 2024

WC: 6k

TAGLIST: (permanent) @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @jwnghyuns @bangtancultsposts @shawnyle @jooniesbears-blog @skzenhalove @ro-diaries @onlyhyunjin @xcosmi @strawberrhypen @heeheeswifey y @destinyhoon (oneshot) @indigoez @astratlantis @shuichi-sama @skaterhoon @simsungsims @hoonatic @sammie217 @hoonics @kissesforthefangirl @woorcve @laurradoesloveu @capri-cuntz @whateverhoon @woninluv @cyjhhyj @alienqbrain BOLDS COULD NOT BE TAGGED.

NOW PLAYING: War Of Hearts by Ruelle

a/n: honestly, i don’t like it. the idea was good, the outcome not so, but let me know your thoughts. i literally don’t know old english, my knowledge comes from pride and prejudice and bridgerton, im sorry (i gave up by the end and it shows). please LIKE & REBLOG (or don’t, cause this is the worst fic i’ve ever written lol)

You hadn’t realised just how drastically your life could change overnight until you woke up to the news that your father, the ever so powerful king of the North realm, had died in war.

Soon, your teachers were making you learn about strategies and alliances, not about history anymore, your legions kneeled before you, ready to be at your service.

You had to watch your mother, the woman you looked up to, being consumed by the grief of her dead husband until the grim reaper decided to make them reunite.

Leaving you all alone. Helpless, bearing a burden so heavy it crashed your shoulders.

In just the span of a month you found yourself leading a kingdom through war, sending hundreds of warriors to their death sentence.

The crown weighed significantly on your head, your desk was full of scrambled letters and quills dripping ink, and if it wasn’t for your most-trusted maid, Ella, you would’ve certainly already died of hunger, leaving your people without a ruler.

Fortunately, the same day of your coronation, the first day of you being a queen was also the first day of a young sergeant.

He was the youngest of all, just like you being the youngest of the monarchs, and was leading the loyal legion.

Doing a better job than you, you had to say. He was diligent, perfect in his tasks and polite whenever you interpellated him.

His name was Park Sunghoon, and it didn’t take much for you to nominate him as your personal royal guard.

He was an attractive man, barely a couple of years older than you but he indeed towered you by much.

Sunghoon’s face was sharp, with a defined jawline and hardly any trace of baby-fat left.

Despite his frail appearance, you knew he had defined muscles hidden under his white guard uniform, you had seen it.

Even if you were busy with your tight schedule, especially after your coronation, you still found the time to peek at him.

In the morning he’d train the royal legions, helping new warriors. In the afternoon, he would follow you through your travels around the realm, visiting villages and other castles.

The days you stayed at the castle he’d occupy his afternoons by doing some training alone and some evenings he would stand out of your bedroom to guard.

And Sunghoon? Well, he was as attracted to you as you were.

It always sent jolts of excitement whenever he was around you, walking you to your activities and always keeping an eye for possible harms.

Especially one day, when Ella ran towards him with a bucket full of water when he was guarding your bedroom “Sergeant!” She panted, “Please, would you be so kind to bring this into her majesty’s room? I need to get another one.”

Sunghoon was quick to nod “Of course.” He replied politely and took the heavy — for her, not so for him — bucket from her hands.

Ella sincerely thanked him and hurried away to complete her task while the young guard opened your bedroom door.

When his eyes raised to your figure, he saw you standing there… naked. Probably expecting your maid to enter and certainly not your personal guard.

Your hands quickly shot to cover your dignity, your cheeks tinting a deep shade of pink as you breathed “Dear lord.”

Had he been more reckless, he would’ve dropped the bucket, but he managed to keep his polite demeanour.

“My sincere apologies, my lady, I should’ve knocked.” He turned slightly to the side so as not to look at you, but still managed to peek from the corner of his eye.

“D-doesn’t matter..” You murmured, reaching for the nightgown on the chair of the desk and quickly slipping it on “I just didn’t expect it to be… you, sergeant.”

Sunghoon nodded, “Where do you want me to place this?” He asked, raising the container of water.

You stepped aside, hugging your arms like you were afraid your nightgown could reveal your body to him once more. Not like he would complain.

“Inside the tub would be great.” You replied, watching as he lifted the bucket and dropped the hot water in it.

Sunghoon dared to look at you only then, bowing his head slightly “I apologise again. I did not wish to make you uncomfortable.”

You let out a small breath and offered him a warm smile. You were always so kind and thoughtful to everyone, it made him want to lock those who dared to criticise you in the dungeons and make them all perish.

“Worry not,” Your voice was gentle, like a ray of sunshine through the storm “I forgive you, after all, it was an accident.”

Sunghoon thought that if he ever had the chance to take a glimpse at your perfect, naked body, he would’ve taken it right away.

But he chose against letting you know and opted for a “Thank you, my queen.” He bowed, “Anything else you need for me?”

“No, thank you.” You said “You can go back to your duty.”

He nodded and headed to the door, hesitating for a second and then walked out.

The image of your naked body was hard to remove from his mind. Sergeant.

Your curves, your dips, the colour of your skin, your breasts and your pretty pussy… Sergeant?

He wondered what you would feel like if he touched you, tasted you— “Sergeant!”

The voice of one of the royal guards snapped Sunghoon out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat “Yes?”

“It’s my turn,” He said, his eyes blinking faintly “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes, worry not.” Sunghoon nodded and gave his farewell to the guard before walking to his chamber.

Since you had labelled him worthy of being your personal knight, his bedroom was in the same wing as yours, unlike all the other knights in the legion that stayed in the West wing.

He entered his chamber and closed the door behind his back, the room was dark except for the moonlight shining from the window.

It was better that way, he enjoyed the natural light, rather than the artificial one from the candles that also smelled bad and spread smoke in the room.

Sunghoon sighed, quickly removing his uniform to put on some more comfortable clothes, some black pants and a white, sleeved shirt.

He dropped down on the bed, another quiet sigh leaving his lips.

He rested one of his arms behind his head while he played mindlessly with the laces of his shirt.

It was stronger than him, his mind kept replaying the same scene over and over again.

Your body.

Perhaps, it was that you were so modest, despite literally being the ruler of the kingdom, or it was the fact that you were literally his type.

But he was drawn to you, the same way a donkey was to the apple in front of him. Maybe not the best example, but you get it.

At the thought of your flushed face, he felt his pants growing tighter. At your plump and tender lips, he palmed himself to soothe his growing desire.

At the memory of your perky nipples and your breasts, his hand slipped inside his trousers until he pulled them down to his ankles.

Sunghoon knew he couldn’t be loud, but the soft whimpers and groans that left his lips weren’t contained.

He imagined it was your hand, the one providing him relief, that you were down on your knees, batting your eyelashes at him.

“Oh yes, you’re so good.” He whispered, squeezing the base of his thick cock, it twitched.

The tip was angry red as he heavenly stroked it, never focusing on one place more than the other.

If it were you, would you lick his tip? Would you squeeze his balls and take him in your mouth?

Would you ever fit him all?

“Take my cock,” He groaned, thrusting his hips upward to fuck his fist “Take it like a good girl.”

He pressed two fingers on the tip of his length, edging himself “You like to tease, my lady?”

So many filthy scenes played in his mind, keeping him company as he felt the sweet sensation in his lower stomach.

“I’m so close, sweetheart.” He groaned, moving his hand so fast it almost hurt his wrist “You want it on your breasts? Of course.” He kept moving until he saw white, “Take it.”

He was left spent, dirty white all over his sheets as he tried to even his breath.

Sunghoon fell asleep with a smile on his face that night, and he woke up even better after you visited his dreams and showed him how much you wanted him.

…Too bad it wasn’t real, right?

𓆩♡𓆪

After your little and awkward interaction with Sunghoon, the previous evening, you decided to go find him during his late afternoon training.

You would’ve lied if you were to say it didn’t turn you on, the thought of being seen by him in such an intimate manner. But that, he mustn’t know.

He was wearing a black sleeved shirt and a pair of trousers of the same colour, a great contrast with his skin.

You quietly tip-toed, walking towards as he stroked in the air with the fencing sword.

His movements were calculated, precise and so mesmerising you hadn’t even realised you were right behind him until the blade stopped right beside your jugular.

You gulped “Good evening.” Sunghoon widened his eyes and quickly placed himself into a more polite position, removing the swords from your neck “I'm so sorry, my lady, I didn’t see you coming.”

You just smiled at him “You seem excellent at fencing.” You commented, your fingertips trailing the blade of the sword, careful not to cut yourself.

“Fencing is one of my favourite parts of training, my queen.” He replied, his tone serious.

You hummed “Is that so?” The way the sunset kissed his skin, how his hair was perfectly combed and matched with his fit looked straight out of the erotic novels you hid under your bed.

“I’ve always wanted to learn this type of art.” You informed him “Though, it would be too scandalous for a woman to do it, wouldn’t it?”

Sunghoon’s gaze was soft as he commented “There’s nothing scandalous in wanting to be able to defend yourself.” He threw you a french sword “Even if you have a whole legion before you.”

You swiftly caught it, circling around Sunghoon while he did the same.

“Nah ah,” He was quick to correct “Eyes on the enemy’s, never on the sword.” You diverted your gaze from the sword to his chocolate, warm eyes.

“Great,” Sunghoon praised. “You must study your enemy if you have the time, watch his body language.”

He stroked again and you barely missed it. A second time and you docked it.

At the third, you blocked it “You slightly blink your right eye when you strike.”

Sunghoon smiled proudly, “Yes, that’s right.” You squealed happily, making him slightly widen his eyes.

If it wasn’t the best sound he’d ever heard.

“Now, your strike isn’t bad, especially in second and third, but your position can be better.” He dropped his sword and walked behind you.

“Bend your knees.” He commanded and you obliged again, following his instructions “Your arm shouldn’t stay that far… tilt your elbow.”

“Your back is already straight,” His fingers trailed the laces of your corset, feeling your spine underneath them “But your chin should be tilted… like this.” He tipped your chin up with his index finger.

“How about how?” You whispered breathlessly, feeling the coldness of his skin against your burning one.

“Better, but not perfect.” Sunghoon replied and quickly put space between the two of you “Still, you’re one of my best students.”

You smiled happily and was about to reply when Ella called you from afar because dinner was being served.

You sighed “I must go.” You said, slightly hoping he would keep you with him.

However, obviously, he just nodded and bowed. “It has been a pleasure, my lady.”

As he watched you walk away, he hoped you hadn’t felt the proof of his desire pressed against your back when he fixed your position… the proof he had to fix before anyone could notice.

𓆩♡𓆪

Sunghoon’s footsteps echoed through the dark hallway as he made his way to your room. He wasn’t sure about the reason as to why you called him, given the fact that he was supposed to be patrolling the main gates, but it seemed clear when he noticed you had already sent the guard outside your room to rest.

He stood in front of your bedroom door, the hallway only dimly lit by the few candles on the walls.

There was something in his mind that told him he was still in time to turn his heels and simply ignore your late-night visit request, even if it would eventually get him in trouble.

Still, he aight and placed his hand on the doorknob, quietly opening your bedroom door and entering.

Out of precaution, he locked the door behind him and made a few steps towards you, nevertheless keeping some distance.

“My queen,” Sunghoon began, “I thought you’d be asleep by now.” His tone was quiet, almost concerned.

You were standing in front of the large window that gave you a nice view of the royal gardens, the moonlight illuminating the room as well as a few candles on the tables.

Despite the late hours, you were still wearing your pistachio green gown, your favourite one. The one that once belonged to your mother.

It gave you a sense of comfort, reminiscing the days where you would drown in the fabric as you played queen and princess with her.

You deeply wished it was still a game.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping.” You replied, still giving him your back.

Sunghoon cleared his throat. Yes, he’d seen you in that gown the same morning, but now, in the intimacy of your chamber, it made him want to drop to his knees.

He made his way so that he was standing just a few steps behind you “Any particular reason for your lack of sleep?” He inquired.

You sighed softly. The moon made your doe eyes sparkle, as if they held the stars in them, “Perhaps, thoughts of the upcoming war.”

Sunghoon’s hands hitched to hold yours, to give you the comfort you needed without any paternal figure to rely on.

Still, he kept them clasped behind his back. The need to be respectful of your position was still in the front of his mind.

“It is not confirmed yet,” He tried to reassure “The other kingdoms may decide not to attack anymore.”

You tried to find reassurance in his words, but even if your people thought so, you weren’t naïve. “They killed my father,” You gulped. “It’s just a matter of time before they come at me next.”

And that was true, everytime you ever tried to close your eyes to seek some rest, your mind would play any possible scenario.

You being slayed, you being beheaded… your kingdom going in flames.

“No one will touch you,” His voice was soothing, like a hand pulling you out of deep water, preventing you from drowning “Not while I’m here.”

You finally allowed yourself to look at him, afraid that if you did it the second you heard the key of your room twisting you would’ve kissed him.

His hair was still perfectly in place, his forehead in sight. His porcelain-like skin glowing under the rays of the moon, caressing his cheeks.

You offered him a polite smile “You seem confident, sergeant.”

Sunghoon let the briefest of a smile form on his lips “Confidence comes with the job,” He said, softly “It is my duty to protect you, my queen, and I take that very seriously.

“What else does your job offer?” You asked, fully turning your body towards him “Apart from private fencing lessons and a twenty-four-seven guarding.”

His breath hitched slightly when you stood in front of him, he hadn’t even realised the vicinity you two had until he had to tilt his head down to stare at you. It would be so easy to reach out and touch you, to feel your skin against his hands.

Sunghoon’s gaze slowly dragged from your chest up to your face. “That’s it, mainly,” He said, his voice a little rougher than before. “Though… my duties extend to anything you ask of me, my queen.”

“Anything?” You murmured quietly, your eyes widening.

He wanted to touch you so badly, to pull you against him so he could kiss you and touch you anywhere and everywhere. But he had to keep the professional veil going, even though he knew you were baiting him.

He nodded, his eyes on yours “Anything at all.”

You batted your eyelashes, trying to seduce him without boldly doing so “Is that so, sergeant?”

Sunghoon’s jaw clenched, struggling to keep his composure and hoping you weren’t able to see the effect of your presence.

He took a deep breath before replying “Yes, anything you ask of me.”

You gulped, your heart pounding in your chest as you gathered the courage to put into action your plan “I believe I need to unwind,” You stated “Any ideas?”

Sunghoon’s mind was immediately flooded with ideas, most of them very, very inappropriate for the moment. He bit his lip and tried to keep a straight face.

He considered keeping up the professional front but quickly decided against it. He was tired of forcing himself to maintain control.

“I do have a few ideas, my queen,” He said, his voice a low rumble. “Mind sharing them with me?” You asked.

Sunghoon stepped closer to you, so close that your bodies were almost touching. “My ideas may not be entirely appropriate, my queen,” He replied, “Would you like to hear them anyway?”

You closed briefly your eyes, just the brief feeling of his body near yours sending jolts of fire through your veins “I’m all ears.”

His eyes roamed over your face and body, taking in every single detail. He was practically salivating, desperate to touch you in any way possible.

Sunghoon leaned even closer, his breath now hot on your skin. “I have things I'd like to do, my queen,” He whispered in your ear. “Wicked things, to distract you from your stress.”

You let out a shaky breath, shivering from head to toe “Wicked?” You questioned.

Sunghoon felt his control slip as chuckled slowly, “Oh, very wicked, my lady.”

He brought his lips to your neck, planting soft kisses up and down your skin, taking you by surprise.

However, he kept his hands firmly by his sides, restraining himself from wandering. “I want to do things that would be highly inappropriate for a sergeant to do to his queen.”

“And who says so?” You breathed out, aching for him, your eyes flattering closed.

Sunghoon hummed against your skin, his lips moving to your collarbone. “That would be the royal laws,” He replied quietly, “Among other things.”

“I could get punished for this, you know.” He said in between kisses. “My actions are considered disrespectful.”

“I could change the law,” You replied, hooking your arms around his neck “For the night.”

His hands immediately went to your hips, grabbing you and pulling you even closer to him. “Just for the night, my queen?” He murmured against your skin, his lips trailing kisses up your jaw “I might want more than just one night.”

You chuckled lowly, “How do you know so already, sergeant?”

sunghoon’s hands moved from your hips to your thighs, caressing them through your nightgown, his thumbs tracing patterns against your skin.

Sunghoon pulled back to look at you, his eyes darkened significantly. “I'm quite sure, my queen,” He said, “The things I want to do to you are not something I can do just once.”

You shivered at his words, and the hungry way he was shamelessly looking at you. It almost seemed unreal, the polite soldier losing his cool in front of you, “How about you show me what you can do tonight, first?”

He looked at you, his gaze dark and intense, before leaning in and pressing his lips against yours in a rough kiss.

You moaned and gripped his shoulders tightly and he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth desperately, like he was starving.

You tip toed, desperate to reach for him, to feel his lips on yours and make you forget all the duties you had.

Sunghoon chuckled against your lips, amused by your struggle to reach his height. He pulled back, a smirk on his face. “Too short for me, my queen?”

Without warning, he lifted you up with ease, and he continued the kiss.

You wrapped your legs around his waist to steady yourself, thanking yourself for not having worn an underskirt that would’ve made it impossible for you to straddle him.

Sunghoon groaned against your mouth as you wrapped your legs around his waist, the kiss becoming more desperate and rougher.

He moved his lips from your mouth and attacked your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites as he went. One of his hands moved from your thigh to your butt, squeezing it appreciatively.

You groaned and let your head fall back, goosebumps filling your skin in reaction to his lips.

Your fingers tried to tug his blue uniform jacket, desperate to remove any clothing between the two of you.

He gently helped you to remove it, chuckling against your neck at your eagerness.

You rocked your hips, needing to feel him, to soothe the aching sensation between your legs.

He pressed his own hips back onto yours, you could feel the proof of his desire for you, secluded in his pants.

“You have no idea how hard it is not to take you right now,” He thrust upwards, making you gasp.

“What’s stopping you, sergeant?” You asked breathlessly, you knew he was trying to restrict himself, to draw a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

But you didn’t care, all you had in mind was how good his touch was on your skin, his lips on yours and how better it would’ve been if he was inside you.

“Nothing,” Sunghoon whispered in your ear, his breath causing your body to shiver “Absolutely nothing, as long as you’re not opposed to it.”

You chuckled, looking down at yourself “Does it look like I’m against it?”

Your sweet laugh only made him madder and he kissed you, tasting your lips “No, not at all, my queen.”

“Then, take me.” You whispered on his lips, your hand caressing down his arm, still clothed from his sleeved shirt.

Sunghoon shivered under your touch, your words breaking the last strand of self-restraint he had. He grabbed your hips, suddenly carrying you to the bed and dropping you down on it.

He quickly dropped to his knees between your legs, his hands on either side of you, trapping you in “You won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” He warned.

Your hair formed a halo around your head, spread around the mattress. Your chest was heaving up and down as you replied, “That's fine by me.”

Sunghoon hummed appreciatively at the sight of you splayed out on the bed underneath him. You looked divine, like an angel sent to drive him insane.

He connected his lips to yours once again, his hands moving behind your back as you propped yourself on your elbows.

His skilled fingers worked on the laces of your corset, undoing them.

You frowned, pulling away “Experienced much?”

Sunghoon chuckled softly as he got the corset undone, pulling the fabric off you and discarding it on the floor.

He shook his head before replying, a smirk on his lips. “Just a few,” He said. “and I have been fantasising about this moment for a while now.”

“Have you?” You whispered, your hands caressing his chest, where the v-neckline of the shirt exposed it “Have you thought about me late at night, sergeant?”

Sunghoon sighed softly, his eyes closing briefly as he confessed “Yes,” He said “Every night I’ve wondered what you would taste like, how soft you were, what your moans sounded like.”

His words only made you bolder. “Have you touched yourself wishing it was me?”

Now that the corset wasn’t restricting your air capacity, it also made the dress fall down your shoulder, exposing them to him.

He leaned down and pressed gentle kisses on your skin, trailing them up to your ear “Yes, my queen. I’ve touched myself wishing it was you, craving your body and soul.”

You let out a shaky breath, the sweet sensation warming your lower stomach “Perhaps, I have done the same.”

Sunghoon groaned loudly against your skin, his body shuddering at your confession “You’ve touched yourself, thinking about me?”

You flopped back onto the mattress and hummed “Yes.”

He was completely losing it, the thought of you touching yourself, thinking about him, driving him crazy. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regain some composure.

“Tell me more,” He rasped, his voice a low rumble. “Tell me what you've done, what you've imagined."

You bit your bottom lip, afraid to voice out your late night secrets.

“Go on, my queen.” His voice was soft and soothing, his hips just barely pressing against yours “I won’t judge you, I can’t… Can I?” He let out a quiet chuckle.

You breathed out “I’ve thought about your fingers,” You gulped “Touching me in places no one has touched before.”

“Where?” He whispered, his nose grazing your cheek “Tell me.”

Instead of speaking, you took his hand and slowly guided it down your body, you were still covered by your dress but he could still feel your core beating under his touch.

So, in one swift movement he placed his hand under your skirt, feeling just how damp your underthings were, making you gasp.

“You’re so wet for me.” He murmured, “Is this how you are around me?”

You nodded, all drops of self awareness down the drain.

Sunghoon smirked, taking your hand with his free one and placing it on the front of his pants, making you feel his hard on “That’s what you do to me.”

Amazed, you started to palm him, letting your hand feel “I do?”

“Yes,” He whispered, his hips bucking against your touch “All the time.”

“Please,” You pleaded, “I can’t take it anymore, I really need you.”

Sunghoon sighed “There’s no turning back from this, my queen..”

“Y/N.” You blurted out, eyes taking in his reaction.

Without having you to explain, he knew what you meant. You wanted him to call you by your name, crossing a boundary that would be hard to build back.

Still, he reached behind your back and unzipped your dress, slowly slipping it down.

You laid underneath it, the only thing separating you from him was your lace underwear, your upper body bare for him to see.

Sunghoon rested his chest on yours, his fingers grazing your clothed core as he whispered in your ear “Y/N.” Making you moan.

You nodded, your arms wrapping around his neck to steady yourself “Sunghoon.” You breathed back.

“Y/N..” He murmured, slipping your panties to the side and teasing your entrance with his digits “My pretty, pretty girl.”

Your eyes flickered closed, senses awakened by his single touch.

“You’ve never done this?” He questioned, gathering all your juices in his fingers, your pussy clenching around nothing.

You shook your head, your mind already a puddle of nothing “No.”

“Then I need to get you all nice and lose, mh?” Sunghoon murmured, inserting one of his fingers inside your wet folds.

You gasped, your back arching against him at the intrusion “Oh lord.”

The sensation was so new but so welcome, you had never really dared to finger yourself, your orgasms were given by clit stimulation only, so when his digit thrust into you, your body jolted with each one.

Sunghoon’s lips attached to your left breath, tongue swirling around your nipple and you thought you couldn’t feel any better until he curled his fingers and found your sweet spot, making you moan out loud.

“Shh,” He cooed, pressing one hand on your mouth while his teeth gently grazed your abused nipple. “You don’t want anyone to find out what we’re doing, don’t you?”

You were quick to shake your head, but as he thrust a second finger in your pussy, you grunted.

One of your hands went to the back of his head, your fingers knotting his perfectly combed hair “S-sunghoon.”

You bucked your hips up, needing him to stop and continue at the same time “Feels so good.”

Sunghoon chuckled lowly, both his fingers brushing against your sweet spot “I know, Y/N.” He murmured “Let me take care of you.”

You nodded mindlessly; you thought that even if he asked you to hand over the kingdom you would’ve nodded anyways.

You whimpered, your other hand digging in the flesh of his shoulders from the amount of pleasure you were feeling.

“I’ve got you.” He whispered, brushing his thumb on your bundle of nerves “Relax.”

You could feel the knot in your stomach tighten with each thrust of his fingers, just a brief pain from the intrusion making your head spin.

“Oh lord,” You breathed out, “I think I—“ Another broken whimper left your mouth.

Sunghoon nodded, understanding you and crashed his lips on yours, drowning your moans in.

Another thrust of his fingers got you falling apart under him, your whole body trembling.

It took a good couple of minutes and his soothing words to calm you down, your breath still laboured but at least you could keep your body still.

You opened your eyes back and met his own, he offered you a sweet smile “You’re perfect.” He whispered, kissing your forehead.

You smiled back at him, slowly releasing your strong grip around his neck. “This has been… amazing.”

“I’m glad, my— Y/N.” Sunghoon quickly corrected himself, “But… we don’t have to do anything more.”

You frowned, worry coating your features “Was it because you didn’t feel good? I can help—“

He was fast to shake his head. “No, of course not.” He caressed your cheek “I just don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“You will not.” You sat up, looking inside his eyes to convince him “I want it, Sunghoon, I want it with my whole body and soul.”

He closed his eyes and dropped his head, as if he physically restrained himself from reaching out to you and take you in all the ways someone can be taken.

“I want you so much it’s driving me insane,” He breathed out, resting his forehead against your chest “My sweetheart, I would love to make you mine… will you allow me to?”

You nodded “Yes, please.” You tugged at his shirt, needing him to remove it.

Sunghoon complied, tossing it to the floor as well as his trousers, leaving himself bare to you.

At first, you hadn’t understood why he was so reluctant to be intimate with you, but as soon as your eyes met his bare chest, you did.

Your breath hitched at the sight of a wide scar all across his chest, looking like half a cross.

“Sunghoon…” You whispered, your fingers trailed over it. He flinched but quickly relaxed under your gentle touch “What happened to you?”

His eyes were so vulnerable and he looked like a lost boy, not like the sergeant of a legion. “I will just say that I had a close contact with a blade, back when I was still training to become a knight.”

He gulped “I understand if I repulse you—“

“No,” You quickly took his face in your hands “No. You’re beautiful.”

He frowned, as if not understanding what would you ever find beauty in such a scar.

Seeing that he wasn’t believing you, you laid on your back and wrapped your arms around his neck, taking him down with you.

Your hand reached to pump his shaft and it was as if he died and came to life again, nothing like those nights he touched himself thinking about you, could prepare him from this.

You slowly aligned him with your folds and nodded, wanting him to make the first move.

He let out a pained sigh and gripped your waist, finally pushing in you.

You were still wet from the foreplay and as well as your cum, but it didn’t mean you didn’t feel some pain from his thickness.

He moved slowly, his breath fanning your cheeks while he brushed his nose against your skin.

“How does it feel?” Sunghoon whispered in your ear “Mh? Tell me, Y/N.”

Your skin was sweaty and hot, “So good.” You murmured back, tightening your hold on his neck “Faster, please.”

You begged him so sweetly and politely he couldn’t refuse, his hips moving against yours slightly faster “You want to make love?” He questioned “Or do you want me to take you like how I’ve wanted since I laid my eyes on you?”

“Take me.” You choked out, your eyes squeezing from the pleasure “Hard, I don’t care.”

Sunghoon circled your waist with his arm and held you tightly against him, you could feel the shadow of his scar on your chest.

His hips snapped on yours so fast even the bed started creaking, and you secretly hoped no servant was walking by to hear your show.

“Open up.” Sunghoon said and you obliged, opening your mouth.

He gathered some saliva in his mouth before spitting in yours, watching as it went down your throat.

You hummed, gulped it, tasting him “Jesus Christ.” He shook his head, his cock twitching inside of you.

“I don’t think I can last longer.” He squeezed his eyes, his fingers digging in your hips as he tried to restrain himself.

“Don’t you dare unless I cum again.” Your fingers went to stroke your bundle of nerves fast “Together.”

Sunghoon hummed, his own movements getting sloppy but never faltering as he chased his high.

“Y/N.” He groaned, one of his nails piercing your skin, adding just the right amount of pain to send you over the edge.

“Now!” You cried out, your body shaking with your second orgasm of the night.

Sunghoon let out a deep growl and emptied his seed in you, coating your clenching walls.

“So perfect.” He kissed the top of your head, his voice soothing after the intensity of the night “You’re perfect.”

He got up and took a napkin from your table, carefully cleaning your legs while also prepping kisses on your inner thighs.

You were sure that if your body wasn’t tired you would’ve mounted him.

Sunghoon reached into his clothes but your hand darted out to stop him “Stay.”

His eyes softened, pondering between staying or leaving. He opted for the first.

You had never felt happier than falling asleep with the sound of his heartbeat next to your ear, aimlessly hoping it wouldn’t be the last time.

But your relationship made it so that he was forced to peel himself away from you when he thought you were asleep, gathering his clothes and quietly slipping out of your room.

And it was the best decision, soon, you would’ve had to find a husband, make an heir for your real, rule it with all your attention.

Good thing, late night was made to unwind, and it never happened if nobody knew… did it?

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catboybiologist · 1 year ago

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Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

#196 #r196 #r/196 #rule #/r/196 #trans #transitioning #trans woman #trans femme #tortoise #tort #russian tortoise #trans tutorial #trans tummy tuesday #transgender #trans tumblr #trans selfie #trans journal

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shiyro · 7 months ago

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@love-overdrive replied to your post: "Okay so im slowly reading sbr but..."

oh sorry,, like backstory/design/ what they’d be doing in the sbr universe

This is Shiloh Cash

Pronouns: He/They

Gender: DemiMan (AFAB)

Age: 24

DOB: Mar. 4th

Namesake: Johnny Cash

Horse Name: Styx

Stand: TBA (I need help w giving him a stand, tbh it anyone has old school rock songs they'd rec lmk)

So back story is:

Shiloh has joined the SBR to ensure he keeps his inheritance from his dead grandparents. Won't go into too much detail as I don't feel like tagging or censoring, but Shiloh's dad is an abusive POS. All he wants is to buy some land far away from his home and have a little farm of his own. He's the oldest of 5 siblings. He is from Texas, iirc Dallas, to be specific? Or at least the Dallas area.

I am still working on the details on meeting Johnny and Gyro. But I'm vibing with Gyro approaches Shiloh at a checkpoint bar. He sees Shiloh sitting all by himself, and Shiloh is what we would call a "pretty boy" in looks. So naturally, Gyro is drawn to him... though later, Gyro reveals he felt literally drawn to Shiloh. As if they were meant to meet each other. (Yes, ShiYro has the soulmates dynamic that plays in every AU)

Shiloh is a tsundere, and while yes, he too feels drawn to Gyro. He immediately blows him off. I suppose I could make it where Gyro vaguely invites Shiloh to join him and Johnny. That sounds like a possible thing he'd do.

Heading into now, Gyro hc territory: So this came from my friend, but Gyro writes home. He loves his family dearly. So when he meets Shiloh and starts doing this race with him and getting to spend time with him. He writes home about how much he loves and adores this man.

Anyways, gotta drop this factoid somewhere: Gyro knows Shiloh is AFAB not because of his "medical" background but because of him accidentally walking in on Shiloh mid shower/bath. He never treated Shiloh any different after learning this fact, nor did he ever tell anyone Shiloh's secret. This put Gyro on good terms with Shiloh. He knew he could definitely trust Gyro after that incident.

Later on, Gyro tells Shiloh why he's doing this race and Shiloh's reasoning for being in this race change. He chooses to actively help Gyro win first place. He wants to bring Marco to America so that they all can become a family. Shiloh agrees to adopt Marco with Gyro and that the three of them will live on a big lot of land and have a big happy family together after the race.

And that's all I got for now xD there's a Fantasy AU and Chainsaw Man AU for shiyro but I'm too tired to add any info about that

#sumia.txt #shiloh tag #shiyro

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butterflies-and-bumble-bees · 2 years ago

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*cries in only got this far in making the baby blanket before my friend's baby shower*

{rant and more detailed photos under the cut}

i brought back my carpal tunnel finishing the last two squares and i still have at least a few hours of work left 🥲

. but since i no longer have a deadline hanging over my head (well other than the fact that the baby is due in like a month) I'm gonna take a little extra time and unravel the wonky bit of crochet I did on the middle square. {around 4 rounds(? rows? i don't know the right term) into looking at how it got all ruffle-y i figured out what i did wrong but didn't have the 3 hours to undo and fix it. }

I'm gonna chalk all the work that im undoing up to learning experience - i did get so much better at crochet in the time i spent working on this one granny square {all the others are knit cause I have knit at least one scarf and a lil frog prior to starting this, so i was more confident in my ability to do it that way than crochet the whole thing (having said that I can see how much my knitting has improved since i started it - a trained eye could pick out the order i made the squares in)}

I am over all impressed I got as far as I did w/o giving up – this is by far the biggest yarn based project I have ever undertaken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tagging @metalcatholic and @thebluehoursofmorning cause we chatted about this months ago when I started lmk if you want me to tag you when im done

#my stuff #my crochet #baby blanket update #my arts and crafts #my art #??? making the 'my art' tag into the 'things ive made' tag? maybe??#things i've made

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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 2 years ago

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I have been not active on Tumblr whatsoever and it's been making me feel super crappy like i am not motivated for anything lately. I mean yea sure I'm still reading but I've been ignoring people tagging me in their fics I've been on my phone yet doing nothing productive at all yet I continue yelling at myself to do something. Like start studying more so you can actually become a surgeon and save people and shit but I have no clue how to do that or anything else. I know that I am attracted to women as well as men but I don't always call myself bi because somedays it just doesn't feel right but then neither does pan or lesbian but then somedays all those terms make sense and im like "yes this is what I am" but then the next day I think "what if I am a horrible straight person with no respect for the lgbtq+ community because I use terms like these carelessly" but then I think "it's not carelessness there are alot of people in the lgbtq+ community who dont know their sexuality" but then I just go back and forth between those two statements and my friends have told me you don't need to be a specific thing "you're just you" and that's really helped but then I think "what does anyone know? We're all young and naive and are probably not even gonna remember these friendships from the 2nd and 6th grade in like 10 years so what's the point?" But then I cant think like that because that is probably not good thinking for my mental state. Anyways I only pay attention to three of the people I'm following and two of them are blogs for S&B and PJO tv series updates, the only other one is you, soooo yea this was a rant so no pressure to respond. Love ya <3

this ask was sent a while ago but i, too, struggle with Responses and Interacting 🥹🖤 lmk if you want me to take it down and i will.

first of all, i'm flattered that my little old dustheap of things i like is one of the few blogs you keep up with :') that's a high honour, so thank you!!

second, i want you to know that all things are temporary. even if those friendships from the 2nd and 6th grade last forever, they will change– in distance, intensity, dynamic. just as you will change because you are a person and people are always changing.

this is not a bad thing. it just means you'll have to get used to the earth shifting under your feet, turning over new soil every once and a while. let the roots of your life breathe. if you try to stay still, the world will continue to move around you, and that's not a particularly nice feeling either.

yes, life is about loss, but it's also about learning from these temporary states of being. i often think about what the things i've lost have taught me, to keep myself afloat. i like making lists. it helps keep important things in the forefront. it's okay if you miss things. you'll get to them when you get to them. and if you don't, that's fine, too.

third, identity labels are for the person using them. they help us define ourselves, figure out what we like and don't like, and help us feel part of a community (if we wish to). identity labels are not for the rest of the world to look at and judge, and they certainly shouldn't be regarded as permanent fixtures of ourselves because, as we've said before, people are always changing, fluid.

but you should also know that it's also okay not to know. it's okay to be like "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still figuring that bit out". that's what a lot of life is.

it will be different tomorrow.

#sending you lots and lots of love #it's gonna be okay #also per our dm convo: the first part of your message sounds like adhd paralysis! 🖤#thanks for the ask!! 💜#asked and answered #the-hospitality-of-knives #vent box 💌

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bella-spil · 4 years ago

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2 Romeos & 1 Juliet- Part 4

Part 4- Its Buckys turn to take you on a date. Fem reader

Warnings- implied smut(not really) kissing/making out, cursing.

Word Count: 6.7k( I tried to add a lot more detail in this one so bear with me)

Taglist: @kmuir1 @angrythingstarlight @wednesday-add-em @sea040561 (lmk if you wanna join. The more the merrier!)

A/N: This would have been done sooner, but the internet was down for the past three days. I got some inspiration from GOTG vol.2( a tiny bit) and I added a lot more detail than normal. And there might be a meme or two that I took a line from(its the “so I started blasting” one”). Also the pic of the outfit is from me, amd Im sry for the terrible quality, I have a shitty camera. Also the link for the 40s slang I used is https://rkcowles.wordpress.com/1940-slang-glossary/ , if you are in the mood to learn some. I hope you enjoy, bc this one might be my fav of this series.

You had a pretty good week after your date with Loki. Whenever you saw the God of Mischief, you both acted like his attempted kiss never happened. You acted like normal friends. You read the note Billie gave you, alone so Loki didn't see, and she actually said she thought Loki was cute. Not hot but cute. You laughed at what she wrote, and you swore you would never show Loki.

As the week went on, Bucky was planning his date out. He had a place, one that you would both enjoy and have a lot of fun at. He had everything prepared for you, but he was still nervous.

What if it doesn't work? What if she really doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong? He thought as the week carried on. But he never showed the fear to you. He was acting all confident, bragging about how he would win you over with his charm, like how he did with the ladies in his time. You told him that you weren't like all those other girls, and he agreed. He said that he would have a challenge with you, but he knew he would win. He always won. He also flirted with you constantly, which drove Loki up the walls. You enjoyed this confident side of the Winter Soldier, you knew you were gonna see it more often.

You also tried prying the location of the date out of Bucky. But he was a Super Soldier, so that didn't work out. You gave up in about 5 minutes.

Then the day came. You and Bucky were both anxious. You had no clue where you were going, and Bucky hasn't been on a date in a while.

“Doll, we are leaving at 4 ok?” he let you know at lunch.

“Got it. Where are we going?” you asked for the 100th time. Bucky rolled his eyes and didn't answer. “Fine. What should I wear?”

“Hmm..” Bucky thought. “Wear a T-shirt and shorts, like you did with Loki. But we are going to be walking around a lot, so don't wear something uncomfortable.”

“Ok,” you said, walking to your room to get prepared. Bucky thought he did a good job, not revealing too much about the date. He liked keeping you guessing, it amused him more often than not.

~~~

As you were in your room, you paced back and forth from your closet to your bed. You were stressed with not knowing anything about tonight. But you were stressing out with the new feelings to your long time friend. You didn't know if you were feeling them because of the upcoming date, or if you were making it up. But you didn't have this on your date with Loki. You had no clue, so you tried to ignore the feelings. But they weren't letting up, getting you more and more nervous. You tried to take deep breaths, and it worked. So you focused your time on getting ready.

“What to wear, what to wear,” you muttered to yourself as you scanned your closet like a robot. After a few minutes of rummaging around through heaps and heaps of clothes, you found a cute and comfortable outfit.

You found a cute crop top that only exposed a small amount of your stomach. It was low cut, but not too revealing. It was a black t-shirt, and it was your favorite shirt because it looked really good on you, at least you thought. You always felt a bit more confident whenever you wore it, and you knew you might need it for tonight.

You also found a pair of super soft cotton shorts. They were a dark, camo-like green. They didn't have camo print, just dark green and a white lining. You adored the shorts because they were the softest thing you owned, besides another sweatshirt you owned. They were mid-waisted and were a little revealing on your ass. But you loved the way the shorts made you feel, like any man would fall for you by just looking at you.

You found a pair of black Adidas sneakers, which would be good for walking. You didn't put on any jewelry, since you weren't a big fan of it. You only wore it at the concert because it was a concert, you wanted to look decent. You left your hair down again, letting the natural curls and waves have a mind of their own. After a couple flips of your hair, you had the look you wanted.

Then you moved on to your makeup. Since you would be walking a lot, you thought you might sweat a bit, so you didn't put too much on. Only a bit of foundation to hide some blemishes on your skin, a tiny amount of blush and mascara. You didn't like wearing makeup either, since your time in the mountains saw no need for it. You didn't understand how people took hours and hours for makeup, and at the end of the night, they would have to wipe it off and do it all again the next day.

When you finished, you took one final look in the mirror and you thought you looked amazing. Your confidence soared through the roof as you checked yourself out.

“Doll, its time,” Bucky knocked at your door. “You ready?”

You got scared and flinched in front of the mirror. You were not expecting time to fly that fast.

“Yeah Bucky, i'll be down in a minute.” you answered, not trying to show that he scared you.

“Ok, I'll wait by the front door,” Bucky said. You heard his footsteps fade as he left, and you took a sigh of relief. You grabbed a small, black backpack, just to store your phone and some money since you had no clue what to expect. You checked yourself out in the mirror one last time as you put on some lip gloss. Then you put the lip gloss away and headed out of your room.

~~~

Bucky stood anxiously by the door. He wore a pair of shorts and a black Brooklyn logo shirt. The shirt was a little snug on him, so it made his biceps pop out a little more. He didn't bother covering his metal arm. He wasn't used to having it out in the open, especially in public. But he always was comfortable with his arm around you, so he thought it would be the same with you anywhere. He was not going to let strangers ruin his night with you. His hair was down and he wore a pair of black Nike’s. He had on his signature dog tags and in his pockets, he had his phone, which he barely knew how to use, and some money for the date. But, like a true gentleman, he had a bouquet of red roses in his hands. He never showed up to a date without flowers. He knew his manners and class, and if he didnt, he knew his momma would reprimand him for not being a gentleman.

“What is taking her so long?” Bucky said out loud.

“Don't get your hopes up, Wiener Soldier,” Loki said, smugly. He was hoping to mess with Bucky before it was too late.

“Shut it, you Lord of the Rings looking ass,” Bucky said, not giving two shits for Loki's mind games. Loki walked away, hoping that would do something to Bucky.

Then, you appeared from the hallway. Bucky had to do a double take because, Jesus, you looked fine. You looked so confident and proud of yourself that Bucky was in awe. He loved a woman that walked with a purpose. You looked perfect in his eyes. He smiled as you came closer to him. His heart fluttered as he realized he would be with you. The person his heart had fallen for since he first saw you.

You saw Bucky standing there, the roses in hand. Bucky's eyes looked brighter than ever, full of excitement and adventure. He looked nice in his outfit. You never saw him out in public with his metal arm showing, so it was a shock for you when it was on full display. You also saw his muscles poking out of the shirt, and you tried your hardest not to stare.

“You look like a dreamboat, toots,” Bucky gushed, using a ton of 40s slang. You blushed, since you knew what they meant. Anyone would know what those terms meant, but two years ago, Bucky taught all the slang he knew.

“So do you,” you replied, smiling.

“These are for you, doll,” Bucky said as he handed the flowers to you.

“Thanks Bucky, you didn't have too,” you said.

“Well if I didn't, I know my momma would bust my chops,” Bucky said, chuckling. You laughed with him. You loved when his Brooklyn accent came through.

“Cmon lets get going,” Bucky said, leading you out the door.

~~~

“Ok Bucky, where are we going?” you asked again in the car.

“You'll find out when we get there,” Bucky replied.

“Ok, when will we get there?” you asked, hoping for an answer this time.

“Bout 30 minutes,” Bucky answered to your relief. “Ok I wanna quiz you on something.”

“Ooo car games, I love those,” you said, gaining interest.

“Lets see how much 40s slang you remember.” Bucky said, looking at you.

“Thats easy, I’ll quiz ya too,” you said.

“You got a lotta moxie. Ladies first,” Bucky said, placing his hand on your thigh. This was the first time he had ever done this. You were a little shocked at first and froze for a moment, but you weren't asking him to move it. His warm hand felt so comforting on you. You just wanted to let it sit there forever. So you put your hand on top of his.

Bucky took his eyes off the road for a minute, just to look at you and your hand on his. If he said he wasn't over the moon right now, he would be lying. He felt like he was on cloud-9.

“Ok what does ‘beef’ mean?” you asked.

“It means a disagreement. That was easy, doll,” Bucky said.

“Go, Buck,” you sighed.

“Fine. What does ‘brown nose’ mean?” Bucky asked, his blue eyes shining into yours. You took a second to think, but you didn't remember.

“I don't know, bucky.” you sighed in shame.

“Haha! One for Bucky. Zip for Y/N.” Bucky celebrated.

“Don't celebrate too early, punk,” you teased. “What does it mean?”

“It means ass kisser,” Bucky explained, earning a “ohh” outta you.

“Name five things that mean ‘attractive’” you said.

“Are you doing this to mess with me and trick me into saying it about you?” Bucky questioned, getting suspicious.

“Yeah, now answer,” you answered, unashamed. Bucky rolled his eyes, getting a laugh out of you.

“Ok, first is ‘honey’. ‘Bombshell’ is one, so is ‘babe’. Then, ‘20-20’ and… dreamboat.” Bucky answered.

“Good job. Your turn.” you smiled.

“Since you did it to me, I'll do it to you.” Bucky mocked.

“Fine. ‘Casanova’, ‘doll’ is one, ‘drooly’, ‘glamour puss’, ‘glad lad’ and ‘heaven sent’.” you responded. Bucky took his hands off the wheel and applauded you, which you laughed.

“Good job, doll,” Bucky grinned. “Now I have two questions for you.”

“Which are?” you asked.

“First is what's your favorite slang?” Bucky said.

“I think ‘toots’” you answered.

“Second, use 5 terms to describe me.” Bucky said. He wanted to know what you thought about him, but he didnt wanna ask you straight up. He wanted to make you at ease and have fun with you before asking.

“Ok then do the same for me,” you teased.

“Fine, go,” Bucky agreed.

“‘Fuddy-duddy’, ‘hot shot’, ‘heaven sent’, ‘camp happy’ and ‘blow joe’.” you answer.

“Really? Fuddy-duddy?” Bucky sighed.

“What? It's true! You are old fashioned,” you mocked.

“Whatever,” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Now you have to do it for me,” you fluttered your eyes to mess with him, earning a glare from him.

“‘Dreamboat’ obviously, ‘camp happy’, ‘a crack up’, ‘date bait’ and ‘divine,” Bucky said, looking at you with his hand still on your thigh.

“Aww you're so sweet,” you blushed.

“It's the truth, sugar,” Bucky smiled.

You looked out the window for a second and saw something in the distance. It was a ferris wheel.

“Bucky are we going to a carnival?” you asked.

“Yep,” he smiled. You squealed and thanked Bucky till you got to the fair. There were a ton of people there already, and you knew more would show up later tonight.

“What time are we staying till?” you asked. It was already 5:40pm and you and Bucky were walking up to the ticket booth.

“Till it closes, or whenever you get tired,” Bucky said, holding your hand.

“Till it closes. I don't think I'll get tired from all the sugar we will be eating.” you admitted. You both laughed and then you were up at the ticket counter. Bucky bought bracelets for the both of you. They allow you to stay for as long as you want and to go on unlimited rides for unlimited times. They also cost a lot of money. You tried to buy your own bracelet, but Bucky insisted on paying.

“I’m paying for dinner,” you insisted.

“No I am,” Bucky said.

“I am,” you bickered.

You bickered all the way to the entrance, where you and Bucky stopped. You stood marveling all the flashing lights and rides. You already had a list in your head for what to do. You loved how everyone here was happy and enjoying themselves. You couldn't wait for night to come, because then all the lights would be flashing even brighter. And less families would be there, which meant shorter lines.

“What do you wanna do first?” Bucky asked, looking at the lights as well.

“Lets eat, if you want,” you said.

“No, I'm always hungry too,” Bucky said.

“Great, because Loki took forever to eat.”

Bucky laughed as he took your hand. You both ran into the fair like children as you searched for food. You found a pizza stand and took two slices. Bucky found a hot dog stand and took two ‘Coney Island Chili Dogs.’ When you saw what he ordered, your mouth watered a little bit. Bucky took note very quickly.

“You know what doll? You can take one of mine and I'll take one of yours.” Bucky proposed.

“That's smart,” you agreed. You ate the pizza first and then the chili dog. The chili dog took the longest, since you didn't want to ruin your outfit. You had to lean over the platter the whole time to prevent stains.

Bucky took a different approach. Since the cooks put a lot of chili on the hotdog, Bucky found a different use for the access chili. He took the extra and put it on top of his pizza, which you looked at him in disgust.

“What?” he asked when he saw you staring at him, food stuffed in his mouth.

“Nothing,” you lied. He gave you a smirk, almost like he knew what he did, and continued eating. He finished quickly, a little faster than you. Almost like it was a competition, Bucky gave a little victory “woohoo” and you sighed, finishing your food.

“Congrats Buck, you ate faster than me,” you said sarcastically.

“Do I get a medal?” Bucky asked, playfully. You chuckled as he took your hand, leading you further into the fair.

“Whats up first, sugar?” he asked.

“Why don't we play some games? I don't wanna throw up on you in the Gravation,” you admitted.

“Sure, anything you want,” Bucky said. “Which do you wanna play first?”

“Let's do the balloon and dart game,” you decided.

“This way, doll.” Bucky said, taking your arm and leading you to the famous game. When you got there, not many people were there. Only two others were in front of you, and they were fairly quick. After they finished playing, the carnie saw you and got your attention.

“Hey there! Wanna play?” he asked.

“How much?” Bucky asked, getting to the point.

“If you want three darts, 5 bucks, if you want five darts, 8 bucks,” the carnie answered. Bucky got some money out of his pocket and paid $16 dollars in total. The carnie handed you both 5 darts and then he moved out of the way.

“Ready, set, go!” the carnie shouted. Then you and Bucky looked at each other, eyes full of determination. Bucky threw his darts very quickly, and he only missed one. Meanwhile, you took your time and got all five.

“Congratulations, you two!” the carnie cheered. “What do each of ya want?” You and Bucky looked around at all of the options.

“Which can we pick?” Bucky asked.

“The miss next to ya can pick anything she wants,” the carnie explained. “You can pick anything, just not something on the top row.” The one Bucky was eyeing was on the top row, and he sulked in disappointment. He saw a Spiderman inflate that he thought was really funny. You found a small, tye-dye teddy bear that caught your eye. You thought it was adorable, and you really wanted it.

“Bucky, if I get you the Spiderman, can you get me that bear?” you asked, with puppy dog eyes.

“Sure, toots,” Bucky smiled at you. The carnie heard you discussing and got the prizes ready for you. As you both said thank you, the carnie eyed you suspiciously, trying to figure out if you were dating or not.

“Any other games?” Bucky asked as you walked away from the game. You were about to answer when Bucky completely turned his attention to the mechanical bull a couple feet away.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I was the best at that in ‘38,” Bucky said.

“You can do it, it's fine,” you smiled. “But I'm paying.”

“No you're not,” Bucky said, before he sprinted off, trying to get there first so you wouldn't pay. You ran after him, but Bucky and his stupid super soldier serum beat you there. He got the money out of his pocket and handed it to another carnie.

“Good luck,” you said as you took the Spiderman out of his arms. He smiled back at you and headed up to the bull. The carnie counted him down and then the bull started moving. At first it was easy, Bucky had his right arm on the handle to keep him steady. But after a minute or so, the carnie made it a lot harder. Twisting and turning at high speeds, Bucky switched his right hand to the metal one, for a firmer grip. He almost fell off after one really fast turn, but his left arm still held on to the handle. His right arm was holding the side of the bull and he was able to readjust himself in time for the next spin. After five minutes, he was still on the bull. Bucky didn't even realise the crowd that was starting to form around you. Everyone marveled as Bucky wouldn't dare to fall off the bull. People around you cheered him on. Even the carnie was shocked and tried his hardest to get Bucky to fall. But it wasn't going to happen.

After another 15 minutes, the carnie announced that Bucky had beaten the record for the mechanical bull, but Bucky still wasn't going to get off. People cheered him on, but not as loud as you. Your cheers were fuel for Bucky and the more you cheered, the more he wanted to stay on. But, he didn't want to keep you waiting the whole night, so after 10 more minutes, he fell off the bull. As he walked out of the pit, people cheered for him, earning a smile out of him.

“Congrats sir, that's the best bull riding I've ever seen,” the carnie said. “Here's your prize of $200 bucks cash. Everyone give it up for.. What's your name?”

“Bucky,” Bucky answered.

“Bucky everyone!” the carnie cheered. Everyone joined in with cheers and applause. You smiled at him, full of pride and happiness. Bucky smiled and planted a kiss on your head, which you blushed at.

“How long was he on for?” you asked.

“Your boyfriend here was on for 32 minutes and 48 seconds.” the carnie said.

“Wow,” you said. “You are the best at that.”

“I know,” Bucky said. As you walked away, other guys had gone up to Bucky, giving him a celebratory high five or pat on the back. Even some girls had gone up and tried to flirt with him. But Bucky said that he was with you, obviously, but that didn’t stop the girls from at least trying to get with him.

“Now we have enough money to eat anything and play as many games as we want,” Bucky said.

“If you didn't win that, we might have had to use some of the money I bought,” you said.

“Impossible,” Bucky chuckled. “Now I think we can go on some rides.”

The night flew by, and it was already 10:30. Bucky had taken you on the Ferris Wheel, Cliff Hanger, Frisbee, Fun House, Wipeout, Gravation, Tornado and the Swings. You tried to get him to go on the Zipper, but he swore he would never get on that ‘deathtrap’ as he called it. As you went on the rides, you were able to fit your teddy bear into your bag, but the Spiderman was causing some trouble. You had to leave it outside on some rides, which you thought it might get stolen, but that luckily didn't happen. Then he took you on the Swings, your favorite ride of all. And then, he took you on the Bumper cars, his favorite ride. You both laughed and had fun the whole night, but he still had some other things he wanted to do.

“Doll, before we go, there's two more things I wanna do before the night ends,” Bucky said.

“And what might that be?” you asked.

“I wanna play the High Striker game an-” Bucky started.

“Do you wanna play that game to show how strong you are?” you mocked.

“Maybe,” he admitted and you laughed.

“I wanna do the shooting game before it's too late.” you said. “I wanna see if I can shoot better than you.”

“We already know the answer to that question,” Bucky smirked and you hit him playfully in the arm. “But we can do that after we have some dessert.”

“You read my mind.” you chuckled. “Lets eat.”

Bucky took you to some of the concession stands around the fair, which you both indulged in so much sugar that it would give you diabetes. Bucky bought both of you a plate of zeppolis, your favorite carnival food, and you bought a bag of fried oreos. You also bought a thing of cotton candy. After you thought no more eating, Bucky came back with a bowl of gelato. All of the hunger in you resurfaced and you and him ate it, licking your lips once you finished.

“That was the best dessert ever,” Bucky said.

“Agreed, now we gotta play some games, it's already 11,” you said, trying to get Bucky to move. He grudgingly got up and followed you to the High Striker game. Bucky pointed at the bell at the top, as if saying ‘watch out’.

“Wanna test your strength?” the carnie running the game asked.

“How much?” Bucky brushed off, getting the money from his pockets.

“For one swing, 3 bucks. For three swings, 5 bucks.” the carnie said.

“Three swings,” Bucky said, handing the carnie the 5 dollars. The carnie handed him a sledgehammer and backed away. The carnie told you to move back so Bucky could practice his swing, and you did. Bucky practiced his swing about three times before he was ready.

He swung his arms back and hit the pad. He got really close to the bell, just a few inches off. Bucky swore under his breath as he got ready for his next swing. The next one was stronger, but not close enough again. He grunted as he saw it didn't hit the bell.

“Cmon Bucky! You got this!” you cheered, hoping to boost his confidence. When he heard you, you were like gasoline to him, giving him the fuel to hit it the hardest. He swung down for the final time with a loud grunt. The little knob had so much force behind it that it hit the bell. Not only that, but it flew off the railing that was keeping it in place. You and the carnie looked at each other in shock. Bucky took a deep breath, and looked at you sheepishly.

“What the hell?” the carnie said. “Well, um, pick your prize.”

Bucky looked around at the options and found one that you were looking at. You were looking at a stuffed llama as tall as a counter. The llama, in your eyes, was even cuter than the bear. It had pink and blue fur in little patches. It also had little specks of yellow fur. It had a little smile plastered on its face and it just looked too adorable to be real.

“The llama please,” Bucky asked. You smiled at him and gave him a big hug, your arms wrapping around his muscular torso.

“Thanks, Bucky,” you said as your head was pressed against his chest.

“Welcome, sugar,” Bucky responded as he grabbed the llama from the carnie. You snatched the stuffed animal from his hands and held the toy in your arms, cuddling at. As the two of you walked away, you heard the carnie in the background telling the people next in line “sorry the things broken.” Then you heard an angry man yelling at the carnie, saying “That's Bullshit!” and “You just want to go home and not do your job!”

You and Bucky laughed as you headed to the last game of the night, then you would be going on Bucky's ride of choice. You ran through the crowd of teens and made your way to the shooting game. This carnie looked cheerful, more happy than the others that you have seen.

“Hey there! How's your night going for you two?” the carnie asked.

“Good, how's your going?” you asked in a cheery mood, still clinging to the stuffed llama.

“So far, no winners tonight, but maybe you and your boyfriend can change that,” the carnie smirked.

“Oh, we aren't,” you started.

“It's ok, you don't have to admit it,” the carnie asked. “By the way, the game costs 20 dollars per player.”

“What?” Bucky asked. “That's ridiculous for a damn shooting game!”

“Sorry sir, I don't make the rules. It's priced so high because you get a lot of pellets to shoot and if you win, you get a huge prize.” the carnie said.

“It's ok, I'll pay for mine and his,” you said, getting the money out of your bag.

“No I am,” Bucky said, racing to his pockets before you got your money. But you beat him and he sighed in surrender, muttering how his momma would kill him if she were alive. You handed the money to the carnie and the carnie set up the guns, ammo and targets.

“You can go first, Buck,” you said, nudging him forward. “I wanna see what exactly I'm going against.”

“You're gonna regret that,” Bucky snickered as he prepped the gun, leveling it at his shoulders. There wasn't a scope on the gun, but there was an eyeliner for him to aim. The target was a big, red star, which you laughed at in your head since Bucky had a star just like it on his arm.

Then, he started shooting at the target. The objective is to get the star completely off the target. It has to fall to the floor, off the paper completely. Bucky shot at the edges of the star trying to get the corners free. Then he circled around the star, aiming at the star with such precision that you got worried you would lose against him, and you hated to lose. Then, after a few minutes, Bucky ran out of ammo. The carnie pulled the lever, bringing the target closer for you and Bucky to see.

“You were really close,” the carnie sighed. Bucky took the target and saw that he had gotten completely around the star. But there was a problem: one of the edges was still dangling off the paper.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky grunted, running his right arm through his hair. “This has to be a winner.”

“Sorry, sir. But the star has to be completely off the paper,” the carnie said. Bucky sighed and muttered something about how this was rigged.

“Your turn, doll,” Bucky said, giving the carnie a glare.

You handed the carnie your money and he set you up exactly like Bucky. Once the carnie was finished, he gave you a thumbs up and you started blasting. You followed Bucky's example, starting at the corners of the star and working your way around. You were careful to not pull the trigger too hard or else too many bullets would come out. You had something in your head that said, “you have to beat Bucky, you have to win.” Bucky was a master assassin and for him to lose helped boost your confidence as you continued to aim. The star was starting to fall off, hanging off by a tiny edge of the paper. But, luckily, you didn't have the same problem as Bucky, you had more pellets left. You used those to your advantage and blasted the red star off the paper. It fell to the ground, completely covered in bullet holes.

The carnie stood there, completely in awe at how well you had done, and you still had bullets inside the gun after you finished. Bucky was frozen like a statue. His hands were glued to his hair, his eyes were coming out of his head and his mouth was to the floor. The carnie gave you your target, and whispered to you “I knew you could beat him,” causing you to giggle as you scanned the booth for a prize. Your eyes settled on a Captain America head. Not a real one, a stuffed one. You thought it was funny and grabbed it from the carnies hand. As you and Bucky left the carnie said a congrats to you and hung your target on the wall with the other lucky winners.

As you walked, not knowing where you would be going, you got scared because Bucky hasn't said a word yet.

“Bucky you ok?”

“Yeah doll, yeah,” he said. “I just can't believe I lost.”

“Oh cmon dont be a sore loser,” you nudged him, making him laugh.

“Also I can't believe I fell in love with a girl like you, and I didnt even know she could hold a gun like that,” he blushed, brushing some hair out of his face. He gripped your hand and led you to the ride he had been waiting for since the beginning of the night.

“Wait, you love me?” you asked.

“Why do you think you're here with me, doll? Why do you think me and Loki are fighting for you?” Bucky asked.

“Well… um,” you froze. You had no clue about how you felt about Bucky yet. One part of you loved him, the way he loved you. But something else was fighting that feeling, seeing him only as a close friend. Bucky sensed your nerves and held you closer to him.

“It's ok, you don't have to respond.” Bucky said, easing your mind. “I'm gonna make you say those words before Loki gets the chance.”

You laughed at him. “I'd like to see ya try,” you sassed.

“Toots, just wait,” he smirked.

“Wait what ride are we going on?”

“Well we are right in front of it, so it's a dead give away,” he said. Without realizing it, you were right in front of the ride. It was a dimmed ride, more like a boat ride. The walls were covered in pink and red hearts and the boats were white swans. The arches leading into the ride were hearts and three words were illuminated in front of your eyes. “Tunnel of Love.”

“Oh my god,” you said.

“Cmon, it's not like anything is going to happen,” Bucky said, leading you to the swan. The carnie controlling the ride took the stuffed toys and your bag from you to leave on the side. She gave Bucky a thumbs up, letting him know nothing would happen to your belongings, but maybe for something else.

You squirmed as you sat next to him, and the carnie buckled you into the ride. A million things were running through your mind. You didn't know if you should tell Bucky before the ride starts to not try anything. You didn't know if you would let anything happen. You didn't know if, even, anything would happen. You assumed something would happen because, look who you're sitting next to. Bucky was a ladies man, and he probably took other gals on the ride in the past.

“Doll, I assure you. I won’t do anything unless you allow me to,” Bucky said, putting his right arm behind your back, for you to use as a pillow. You settled into his body and then the doors swung open, leading you inside the ride.

At first, there was nothing that would suggest anything bad would happen. There was a little romantic garden, the one that would show up in a romantic movie. There were little hedges and statues of Cupid with his love bow and arrows. There were tons of roses and smooth jazz was playing in the background.

“This is music,” Bucky smiled. The music playing tonight was mostly tons of pop music, which he hated and thought was annoying as hell. So this for him was soothing. It soothed you too, but not as much as it did for Bucky.

Then there was another set of doors, and it led you into the next part of the ride. This part was very dark. There wasn't a lot of light, and it didn't look like anything was inside. You got scared and found yourself leaning into Bucky more. He didn't mind and eased into your touch.

Suddenly, something, maybe a bat or something, you couldn't tell, popped out of nowhere. Then a hissing sound and a scream played in the background. You screamed and your head was buried on Bucky's chest.

“Hey, hey, it's ok. It's not real, it's fake. It's going to be ok,” Bucky soothed you. He took the arm you were resting on and cradled you in it as you were in fear on his chest. His right hand was rubbing circles around your back while his left was playing with your hair. You stayed there, in that sense of comfort, that sense of belonging, that sense of peace, for a little bit longer. You picked your head up at him, only to see steel blue eyes looking back at you. They seemed like a haven to you, like a home that you could rest in.

“I’m sorry Bucky,” you apologized.

“For what? You didn't do anything,” he said confused. Your faces were only inches away from each other, and you could feel his breath, smelling like sugar and cotton candy.

“When are we going to do something about this… unspoken thing between us?” Bucky whispered.

“There's no unspoken thing,” you whispered back. At this moment, you doubted that Bucky was wrong. Because this has never happened to you and him before.

“Liar,” Bucky smiled, his lips only centimeters from yours.

“Prove it,” you challenged back. The next thing he did took your breath away, literally. He leaned into you to close that gap keeping you apart. He kissed your lips tenderly, making sure you wouldn't back off. His eyes were closed, savoring every moment.

At first, you were in shock, frozen by fear. Your eyes were open, trying to process everything. But the longer he remained on your lips, you weren't doing anything to stop him, and you felt your eyes flutter shut. You kissed him back, relishing in the feeling of his plump, pink lips on yours. You were on each other for so long that you didn't realize that you entered the final room of the ride. Then you and him separated, gasping for air.

“Did I prove it?” Bucky mocked.

“Maybe,” you grinned.

And you leaned back into him. You slowly moved onto his lap, for the remainder of the ride. One of your hands cupped his cheek while the other was lazily tangling his hair. His hands were gripped on your waist. His tongue was stretching on your lips, trying to get in. You obliged and your tongues danced together to some unknown rhythm. You could taste the sugar on his tongue. As you played with his hair, he let out a moan. As he did, he could feel you smiling through the kiss.

Then, Bucky peeked open his eyes and saw the exit approaching. He didn't want people to see you making out, and as much as he hated it, he had to get you off of him.

“Doll, we gotta go,” Bucky urged. You realized what he meant and before anyone saw, you slid off his lap and fixed your hair. You both left the ride and headed to his car, eager to get home.

“Wow, that was amazing,” you sighed, settling into your seat with all the toys and your bag in the backseat.

“I have to agree. You took my breath away, dreamboat,” Bucky quipped.

“Same, and you were a dreamboat back there as well,” you grinned. Bucky placed his hand back on your thigh, and you placed yours on top of his, just like before. But it wasn't to be friendly like the first time, but something more.

“Ya know, doll, I wasn't expecting to be necking,” Bucky chuckled as you drove off.

“I gotta say, you got a lotta moxie for that,” you laughed.

“You almost gave me the hots back there, sugar,”

“Did I now?” you teased. “Well too bad you can't do anything about that.”

“Shame. Stupid bet.” he sighed.

“Oh wait, don't tell Loki about this,” you said. “He will flip and probably do something to us. Or you.”

“You got it.” he agreed. “But if he does find out, or do something, what then?”

“To get honest, I don't know. But you've still got one more date left to truly convince me. And so does Loki.”

“I didn't convince you?” Bucky gasped.

“Not enough,” you teased, laughing at him as you drove home.

Bucky helped you get the stuffed animals and your bag and helped you back to your room. You took the llama, teddy bear and your bag back. He held onto the Captain America head and Spiderman inflatable. He gave you a kiss on the forehead before you bade each other goodnight.

As the door closed behind you, you sighed, letting out a small howl, releasing all the emotions you felt tonight. Your back fell to the door, and your knees gave out, leaving you against the door.

“Wow,” you sighed.

~~~

Bucky walked back to his room with a little pep in his step. He was in a much happier mood than normal. He was singing to himself and smiling all the way back to his room. His hair was messed up, but he didn’t care.

But someone was watching him. Loki. Loki saw how messed up Bucky's hair was. He saw the things Bucky didn't. Like the lipstick that was on his cheek.

Then Loki felt angry. But it wasn't even anger. It was hatred, fury and rage. It was boiling inside him and he didn't know what to do with himself. But then, that God of Mischief mindset kicked in. And he had an idea. An evil, wicked, horrible idea. One that would change everything.

“Oh, well,” Loki talked to himself. “I wanted to play nice. But you broke the rules. And you know what happens when you break the rules. You feel my wrath.”

#bucky x you #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky fandom #bucky fic #bucky fucking barnes #winter soldier #carnival #amusement rides #first date #love #love triangle #loki #loki fandom #loki (marvel)#loki odinson #james bucky barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

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angelinuhh · 6 years ago

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you seem really knowledgeable about race-related issues w/ the rpc so i thought i'd ask: is it just me, or does the rpc seem to have a problem w/ actually acknowledging and using japanese fcs?

ty ! but when it comes to race issues, i genuinely have a lot to learn.

to answer your question—— i do believe the rpc has a problem acknowledging and using japanese fcs. but– in the same way the rpc has a problem engaging with most types of poc. however, if you (or anyone else) feels differently, please enlighten me. i would love to know.

in the meanwhile, i did some… statistics and analysis for you below the cut. thank you to the 21 roleplays from which I used their taken character information.

A STUDY IN THE USAGE OF JAPANESE FCS (a la the RPC 2019)

for a fuller and better understanding of your question, i decided to do a little research. i wanted to see which japanese fcs were being used, how often japanese fcs were being used, compare this to real-life numbers and more.

STEP 1. GATHERING DATA

trawling the tags, i came up with a list of rps. from there, i excluded any rp with under 20 muses— though i do note that none of the rps under 20 muses had more than one japanese fc. and then, i noted every single time i saw a japanese fc being used and the frequency of japanese fcs in the rp. i also went ahead and identified what country’s entertainment industry they were in (western/american, japanese, korean) and if they were of mixed descent.

STEP 2. RESULTS

Based on these 21 RPs, the AVERAGE % of Japanese FCs is 1.53%.

OF NOTE, if there is any japanese fcs in an rp, the average is boosted to around 2.59%. With the exception of 2 RPs, every single RP that had any japanese fcs in it was within .2% of this score… aka, while there are some failures in our sampling (non-random), all of the members of our sample were fairly similar in terms of % of japanese fcs.

The most popular fcs to see were RYAN POTTER (½ japanese and a western fc), NANA KOMATSU (full japanese, in the japanese industry ), & KAYLEE BRYANT (¼ japanese and a western fc).

nearly all the fcs with multiple occurrences were mixed fcs from western entertainment. in addition, nearly all the fcs from western entertainment were mixed while the ones from eastern industries were full-blooded.

STEP 3. INTERPRETATION.

according to worldometers, the actual percentage of japanese people in the world is equivalent to 1.64%. the census shows that the percentage of japanese people in the us is 0.4%

so yeah. based on my crappy data, we’re doing okay.

and tbh. im actually. really shocked and impressed by that.

on one hand, it makes sense. while i would love to see more japanese fcs used (catch me… making gif icons of chiharu okunugi and saila kunikida in my free time all day), i’ve never noticed anything egregious abt japanese fcs in particular and this does back up the argument.

but… on the other, you’re right. i feel you 100% on the fact that we have a problem. as someone who is asian and in the rpc, i feel like it is important to emphasize that we need to and we CAN DO so much better. my data, as presented thus far, is skewed heavily in favor of “everyone’s doing the right thing! and everyone’s writing these people as japanese!”– when really that’s not the case at all.

for one, just because the percentages show that japanese fcs are being played, this does not guarantee good portrayal.

secondly, changing the definition of japanese… will change the results extensively. for example, this dataset includes people who are less than ½ japanese (booboo and fivel stewart (japanese, chinese, korean, ½ white + claims of blackfoot), ming lee simmons and kaylee bryant (¼ japanese) ) while they are still japanese, they ARE also mixed. and it’s hard. to make that decision. whether they should count as japanese portrayal and representation.

i’ve also noticed that not all these characters are even played as japanese. in particular, kaylee bryant’s japanese heritage is sometimes ignored and she will be used to play played a white character, while booboo stewart is usually either native or just… ambiguously asian. neither of these things are good.

and thus… if i stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and actually look for japanese portrayal instead of just … any japanese fc, this will put us BELOW average.

WHY WE MIGHT FEEL THAT PEOPLE ARE NOT USING OR ACKNOWLEDGING JAPANESE FCS (also WHY WE R VALID TO)

mixed fcs have privilege. and while we can love and support them and validate their identity, it is sometimes hard to see ourselves in them or to immediately identify them and acknowledge them as representation. sure, ryan potter is great. but even he’s spoken at length about how being hapa/hafu benefits him.

other races (cough… just white people and maybe kpop fcs) seem to have a lot more variety in terms of fc choices. there’s a hundred different white fcs in use. in contrast, when there is japanese representation, it is usually the same people. if you go to ten rps and they each have one japanese fc, that’s dope. but if each of those ten rps just use nana komatsu… then you’re going to feel like. people don’t use japanese fcs.

people might be writing shitty japanese stereotypes or portrayals.

regardless if… all or none of the above is what you think, if you feel like an ethnicity is being slept on in the rpc. you are not wrong. you are also not alone. this is not the only group that feels this way. a big reason i run @vietrpc is for similar reasons. i wanted to see more viet faces. i wanted to see more diversity. but— lbr, the frequency of just lana condor in an rp will probably equal to the frequency of vietnamese people in the world. even though, lana condor is the only viet person ppl play (s/o to jessica vu, hyulari + karrueche for trying tho).

i’ve seen black muns do similar things when they say that people don’t play black muses. while most rps i’ve seen do have some sort of black characters in it. they just happen to be… the most ‘passable’, the most ‘acceptable’. we all love zendaya, but when she’s the only black person that ever gets used in the rpc– that’s not great. it is so easy to feel like… because these are token fcs, that they don’t count.

( note: i haven’t done the math. but i would probably put money down on that people don’t play black muses… to a level that’s beyond what asians in the rpc face. and there’s a lot more going on with this issue than there is w/ viet or japanese representation. i just wanted to reference it, because it is a similar topic.)

look. the rpc sleeps on poc. we know that. even if they use our faces. they still suck at doing it right.

part of it is most of the rpc is western. and… lbr… there’s really not that many asians in western media. people just don’t like using fcs they’re unfamiliar with. and they’re not willing to immerse themself in the japanese entertainment industry or whatever. that’s just going to be a thing.

part of it is. cough. racism. wow, look at the time.

lastly.

ok ngl that was… more work than i expected but it was really rewarding to see the data like that. if anyone enjoyed reading that or seeing that and wanted to see more, lmk. you could even help out tbh. i think it would be interesting to do this for other races.

my lab reports always include my errors, so, if i had to redo this, i would have a larger sample and choose a random sample of 20 from it. i would do all my data in excel so i could see how my data was affected by removing people who were less than ½ japanese. i would also maybe include… a poll on how people write their characters. inclusive of the following questions.

what is your race? (you may answer with non-japanese/japanese or your specific race)

what do you do to write this character? what references do you draw upon?

is your character japanese

this would weed out the white-washing ppl n ppl who just don’t play a multiracial character in that way.

if your fc was changed to that of another ethnicity, would your backstory change?

would the way you play your character change?

on a scale of 1-4 with 1 being not important at all to 4 being very important, how important is your fc’s ethnicity when it comes to writing and developing your muse?

these open-ended questions would help me understand the portrayal of japanese characters in the rpc

if you can contribute anything to this conversation, my inbox is always open. i’m glad to hear it.

#rpt #rpc #rph #Anonymous #mine

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nightandstarlight · 7 years ago

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Demeter, Apollo, Ares, Centaur, Siren, Nymph, Agamemnon, Jason, Sun Chariot, Caduceus, Aegis, Golden Fleece, Olympus, Tartarus, Elysium, Ogygia, The Labyrinth? :3c

Asdfghjkdhslñ so many omfg why iLY ((I have to say tho i didnt really think about having to answer more than one of these at a time before i rbed the qs and since im on mobile and theres no way im gonna remember all of them im probsbly gonna do one first and then like edit this post to add the rest or something so it might take a while))

‡Demeter: do you have any pets?

>Unfortunately i dont my dad never wanted us to have any :// last time i had an actual pet living in my house i think it was when i was like 10 y/o or so and they were a couple of turtles who used to escape all the goddamn time like we would literally find them on the street trying to get away from our house even tho we had a enormous backyard and we treated them as well as we possibly could?? idk they prolly hated us so my parents mightve given them away i dont even remember,,, and thenn like two years ago i think i got a pet sheep called peter.. Peter the sheep was only around for a week tho and he wasnt even officially my pet but i loved him as if he were i still miss him and think about him often.. basically that summer when we went to visit my dads brother in misiones we took him with us from my dads farm ? (not really my dads farm but i dont wanna get too sidetracked here lmao) to my uncles farm for breeding or whatever so it was a solid 6-7 drive with him in the bed of our truck and me just starting at him and trying to get attention goD i never thought id care about a sheep that much anyway once we got to misiones we couldnt take him straight away to my uncles farm for whatever logistics reason i never asked about because all it meant was that he would have to stay in my uncles backyard for a couple of days and i would get to spend more time with him !! so thats what happened !! I took tons of pics and recorded him doing nothing and loved him from afar and then i was there when we dropped him off at my uncles farm.. and then i never saw him again.. the saddest part is that weeks later when we were all back home my uncled called my dad to let him know that Peter wasnt even fit for breeding bc rumour has it he had a third testicule lmao so he was technically useless rip peter the sheep ,,, aaaand now that i live alone i really wanna get like a cat or something but i never learned how to take care of anything so im scared i wont know how to if i have to do it all by myself

if i could add tags to this on mobile id apologize for talking so much about peter instead of just answering the question but i cant soz

‡Apollo: What kind of music are you into?

>alt/pop/rock/indie/pop punk,, i dont really like defining it by genres because who knows for sure what do they even mean anymore but the second best way i have to describe my music taste is ~basic white girl who thinks shes special~ and that makes me feel even weirder,, if you want i could try to make a playlist once im back in my apartment like next week or so lmk

‡Ares: whats a big pet peeve of yours?

>probably when people dont listen,, (u mean deaf people?? thats pretty fucked up dude) no lmao i mean people who pretend to listen but dont care about what you have to say or even worse when theyre so self absorbed that they dont even try to act like theyre paying attention and just straight up talk on top of you or interrup you constantly and not even bc they have something important to say but just because they can like whyy ohh or even worse when they do all that and then have the nerve get angry/offended if you dont pay enough attention to them??? Boyyy oh boy i hate that but i *cough love my parents i love themm

‡Centaur: Last book you read?

>all the bright places by jennifer niven,, didnt actually read it but i listened to the audiobook a week ago so i think that counts,, and if audiobooks dont count i read Evenfall by Santino Hassel back in march

‡Siren: Last song you listened to?

>((when i answered this (at 3:30am) i wasnt listening to anything but)) spotify says it was devil in me by halsey,, rn (13:40) im listening to alone by halsey

‡Nymph: Last dream you remember?

>i cant remember any recent ones atm but a couple of weeks ago i dreamt i was dating veronica from riverdale?? I probably posted something on here about that and it was so sweeett other than that idk maybe something about my classmates i see some of them pretty often in my dreams and theyre usually really nice cause i almost never remember any bad dreams/nightmares

‡Agamemnon: whats an achievement that youre proud of?

>i cant think of anything rn maybe getting into uni or coming out to my mom

‡Jason: have you ever travelled abroad?

>nope,, the closest i was to leaving the country was in 2014 when i was gonna go with my english teacher and class to nyc i got my papers and everything ready but then everyone started to come up with reasons why they couldnt go so i was gonna have to go completly alone/with friends of my teacher and their students which i didnt know at all so i got scared and decided not to 3 i know (hope) i’ll get another chance to go tho

‡Sun Chariot: whats your favorite mythological creature

>umm maybe sirens or gorgons im not 100%sure

‡Caduceus: whats your favorite color

>too many for different purposes but mostly purple?

‡Aegis: whats your favorite book or series?

>all for the game by nora sakavic atm

‡Golden Fleece: whats your favorite animal?

>ive loved dolphins since i was a kid but felines are too perfect in too many ways they make me weak at the knees

‡Olympus: describe your dream job

>so i know id looove to have an office job really stable and monotonous and everything like translating books but i also know that im terrified of getting stuck? And i feel like a job like that doesnt really leave much room to grow professionally so even if at the time im happy with just doing that the idea of looking back one day and realizing i sat at a desk and did the same thing for 20 years is not the best (which is ironic bc im wasting my youth ™ doing exsclty that for free basically but yea idk ) Dream job as in actually ~dream~ job would have to be like whatever people did on that show extreme makeover home edition?? I used to be obsessed with that show when i was a kid and i still think its a great idea even if its not as extra and over the top like that was id love to help people that way i could also make this longer but its lowkey too personal

‡Tartarus: Whats a short term goal you hope to achieve?

>going back to therapy and not quitting this time? making friends? Id say improving myself as a person but i feel like thats more of a long term goal but not hating myself rn would be nice,, also something tangible would have to be passing my calc II final that i shouldve taken a year ago and didnt cause i got scared + too depressed to study properly lmaao

‡Elysium: if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

>telekinesis and or being able to teletransport sounds cool

‡Ogygia: describe your dream husband/wife/life partner?

>patient, better at comunication than i am, respectful but that should be obvious, loves puns and bad/dad jokes, loves me? Also loves kids and is okay with adopting cause i definitely wanna adopt childrepn someday

‡The Labyrinth: have you ever died and came back as a vampire?

>not sure if im allowed to talk about this but i bet no one is gonna read all this cause its wayy too long lmao also i dont care anyway so yes, yes i have

half a day later im done!!! i know its a lot I hope its not too boring tho lmao

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