#still im...... definitely not gonna update this week (lying?)

[aster-draws]

Me, the week following my announcement that Better Halves updates will slow down because I'm not writing enough to maintain a comfortable buffer: writes 15,000 words

[autismprotocol]

TMAGP Theory Board (Episode 8-9)

Hi guys sorry about the missed week of theory crafting my schoolwork has been extra demanding and I haven't been able to get around to updating the board until now so here's the updated board

Episode 8 especially was insane so I'm gonna break the episode breakdown into two sections.

What Happened in Episode 8: Running On Empty

New Norris Statement! it's been a while since we heard from our buddy and he did not disappoint. though there's not much to say story-wise this was just a cool incident report I loved the way they described the Lonely as a constantly hungry entity. I also noticed that the pattern of Norris's statements having to do with lost love continues to be true. it's much more subtle than his previous two incidents but the statement giver does mention losing his wife because of divorce. which I believe still follows the pattern I've theorized is taking place. 

Something up with Alice. She seems more depressed and serious than she usually is in this episode. (through episode 9 I think I know why but I'll get to that later. I don't believe she is completely in the dark like some of the newer employees and after hearing about Gwen's promotion she is getting suspicious. we have yet to know if Alice knows what's happening. but her behavior in this episode might give us a hint about how naive she actually is.

Colin is Absent. After his freakout in EP 7, Colin is MIA. according to Lena, he's on a mental health break but I would not be surprised if that is a lie.

Gerry and Gertrude are Alive!! Probably the most exciting development in this episode was meeting an alive Gerry Keay and Gertrude Robison. Sam is on the hunt for info about the Magnus Institute after the emails Jon has been sending him and he and Celia end up meeting Gerry who in this universe is considerably more happy and lives with Gertrude. I'm interested to know what role Gertrude plays in this universe is she at all connected to the Institute? I definitely think something is up with her because of the way she tries to deflect Sam's question to Gerry.

Celia Lore. after the meeting with Gerry leads to a dead end for Sam, Celia asks him to help her with her mystery. "I'm trying to look into... Weird physics stuff: time travel, other dimensions, teleportation" More proof for this Celia being from from Archives. why else would she be looking into other dimensions specifically if she wasn't trying to figure out what happened at the Panopticon. (Remember as far as we know Celia before the change in Archives was just a normal person she had no connection to the entities or the Institute.) when Sam asks, she says it's for her friend's podcast but I think she's lying. or not telling the full truth.

Georgie Barker Perhaps? speaking of the friend. our last reveal of the episode is Georgie in protocol. I don't think she is from Archives because Georgie appears after Jons's sacrifice in MAG 200. 

And thats it for episode 8 so im gonna move on to Episode 9

What happened in Episode 9: Rolling With It

Sam is back to filling out onboarding paperwork but the questions on it are strange. asking about past traumas, how many dead things you've seen recently, and the infamous question why? similar types of questions that appear in TMA job interviews.

A Magnus Statement!?! After Celia tells Sam she can't find anything at the Magnus Institute Sam considers cutting his losses and letting it go. But then Chester without any prompting begins reading a Magnus statement incident to Sam. I still believe Chester is Jon and he acts as a mentor to Sam trying to keep him safe by providing him with bits of the answers he's looking for. (this way Sam won't be in danger of looking for answers elsewhere and maybe he won't be targeted by this unknown force that had killed RedCanary and driven Colin to extreme paranoia.) the statement reveals that the institute collected and stored artifacts much like the Institute in Archives. 

What's the deal with the Institute? the statement Chester shares this episode is pretty standard Magnus stuff, magic fear dice is just another Thursday for TMAG enjoyers. but what I found most interesting was the pre-statement info. What does this viability survey mean? viable for what? I and my roommate have a kind of joke theory that the Institute in this universe is a hub for training and creating new avatars but now I'm starting to think this might actually be the case. I think they are looking for people who have the potential to become avatars as subjects. for the agents, they might be employing avatars to work for the institute and the catalyst has to be finding an avatar that can complete the ritual and bring the Change. The unknown statement giver in this episode can't be a subject because they are already claimed by a power from the dice (still unsure what power it is ) they have low potential to become an agent because based on the end of the statement they now want nothing to do with the dice stepping away from their identity as a fear avatar and then dying. and for some reason, the institute must see some potential that this individual can serve as a catalyst for the ritual. I'm hopeful we'll get another avatar statement and maybe we can revisit this Viability survey again 

Gwen's First assignment. Gwen gets her first Liason assignment and it has brought up a major player from the protocol ARG. Mr Bonzo is this weird mascot character that showed up multiple times in the ARG that was launched back in the fall of 2023. Gwen is tasked with delivering an envelope with a name and address to Nigel Dickerson someone who according to Gwen is known for Mr. Bonzo. Basically, I have no idea where this is going but I definitely think it must be important. 

Poor Alice. Alice meets with Teddy to catch up. Nothing story significant happens here but we do learn that maybe Alice still harbors some romantic feelings towards Sam.

The Ruins. After her conversation with Teddy Alice is approached by Sam with a request. He wants to go to the old Magnus Institute ruins and wants Alice to come with him. This is definitely a bad idea but she agrees and that's where we leave off

and thats it for now. The story is getting so good and I'm already attached to all the characters so im terrified to see what Sam and alice dig up at the ruins (Sam clearly didn't heed the warning of the RedCanary)

[baby-mushy]

felt bored

ANYWAYS MEET MY MAIN HH OC - BÖSE!

[im not that good at full bodies I apologise]

Fact file [might update]:

Cw: Vomiting,

Mostly with her father; after all, she lives at the hotel!

Hyperactive little shit. She refuses to let her father take a break...or anyone for that matter.

Major weak stomach..she definitely thrown up on Alastor before.

Absolutely depises getting to sleep. She'll scream and thrash whenever it's bedtime, trying to prove she's not tired.

[Yet the thrashing makes her tired]

On top of that, she hates sleeping alone. She'll also wake up several times a week and just snuggles up to Alastor [or someone else if he isn't there] and sleeps there.

She puts her all into the trust exercises..especially the acting ones..it's honestly hilarious to everyone else.

Very naive...but she refuses to admit its true.

She's not one to throw tantrums [unless it's bedtime]..but when she does, she gets hectic.

Inherited a lot of Alastor's powers..which makes the tantrums even more deadly.

A television? What's that?

But once Charlie introduced her to cartoons, she became absolutely obsessed with "The PowerPuff girls" [if that even exists in hell]

She has quite the weak immune system...and seems to just love to panic her father which this information!

She loves reading..and whenever her father is free, she will try and force him to re-read the same book over and over again

She's quite the picky eater. She's not gonna eat that! She wants the boiled egg she asked for!

Very polite, always saying "please" and "thank you" [when she doesn't hate you]

Crybaby..she cries very easily...even if you so much as say the wrong thing to her.

Despite how chaotic she normally is, she can also be really calm [but that's also quite rare]

Bad liar. If she has an immediate response to a suspicion she did something bad, she's 100% lying

Loves giving people nicknames! Even if she knows their actual names.

Her relationship with other characters:

Ranked in order of her favourite people

Alastor - Dad

"Daddy!" She's a total daddies girl, constantly wanting to show him things and loving to cling to him. They have a really close bond <3

Rosie - Mom

"Mommy!" Absolutely adores her [surrogate] mother! Her relationship with Rosie is still similar to Alastor's

Husk - Uncle figure

"The Kitty!" She finds Husk's grumpy personality amusing, and absolutely loves trying to pet him [it never works]

Niffty - Sister figure

"Cleaning lady!" They're really close <3! They cannot be left alone together, they 100% will destroy something. And also Böse has tried to drink bleach one too many times

Angel Dust - Uncle figure

"Silly spider!" Again, similar to Husk, she loves his fluffy chest. But she also loves being carried by him with his many arms

Sir Pentious - Uncle figure

"Silly snake man!" She loves watching him build things, and has tried on many times to get him to make her something. Though, she was usually never fully clear on what she wanted..but he eventually made her a vintage robot for her 4th birthday [which she proceeded to use to annoy the crap out of her father and she hasn't gotten it back since that day]

KeeKee - Kitty

"The cuter kitty" She chases KeeKee everywhere when she wants to pet her..and has been in trouble many times for traumatising the cat.

Charlie - Older sister figure

"Princess!" I know they have a good relationship..and I bet Charlie was the main one getting her a bunch of gifts for when she was a baby.

Vaggie - Auntie figure

"Angry lady!" She's not often around Vaggie..so there isn't much information for those two.

[sixosix]

IM HERE. IVE ARRIVED. I HAVE THOUGHTS. when i said i might not come back here cuz i was busy? yeah, FUCK THAT. only divine intervention can keep me away from ur account. THE NEW THAWED PART?? WHAT THE FUCK. i wake up this morning expecting a chapter like, late afternoon but i forgot TIMEZONES EXIST . so u can imagine my absolute shock when i check my notifications bar and hit tumblr writer user sixosix posted new thawed part?? dude. the scream i scrumpt when lyney recognized the reader OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. i knew it was over when the flower landed by her feet but him saying her name had me DSINFIDSJFJDS?!?!!??! DURING THE SHOW TOO. HE DIDNT WAIT UNTIL IT WAS OVERIJ DSJUFUDJSFIJDSAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! even rereading that part now as i write has me going crazy like i cant even put my excitement into words its SO?!?!?w??VFDXJDVNDSFNC god. okay. the scene where he grabs THE READER BY THE WAIST. 'CAUGHT YOU' ????? YEAH AND I CAUGHT FEELINGS YOURE NOT SPECIAL LYNEY?? THE GRIP ON THE WAIST. AUUUUUUUGH. ARUEGJHHH. ARHGHHRJGFDKD... IM ON MY DEATH BED!! TAKE ME TO THE BEACH SO I MAY GAZE UPON THE SEA ONCE MORE!!!! the mr lyney. miss lynette. falls to my knees. dies. dies. dies. BUT GOD THE FACT THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD TOO? no wonder lyney chased after her !!!! if my girlfriend (one-sided (?)) turned up alive out of no where i would do the same fr. a real man would drop to one knee and propose right there (grow some balls lyney) LYNETTE!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA BITE HER SOKFDOSAKDASIJD THE SLOW APPROACH LIKE A TIMID CAT AND THEN THE SMIEL AUHGHDJFSKJFD?!w?FDDJNFODSJKFND!!!!! i cant imagine how she felt finding her bff again im so AUUURHGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i know she knocked some sense into lyney afterwards LMAOO also reader pretending to be working under tart... ohh i know thats gonna backfire on her later in the story. ALSO CHILDE MENTION YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i have my doubts about lyney and lynette believing readers lie? absolutely. you dont grow up with someone and not know when theyre lying.. especially lyney. have u ever watched barbie in the dreamhouse?? theres this episode where ken tries to get a job but he doesnt bc each time barbie has an emergency, so he just becomes a (barbie)house-husband.. thats the vibe im getting from lyney and reader the 'i'm happy to see you' from lyney, and reader (kinda?) dismissing it with the 'goodbye miss lynette and mr lyney' ????? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ??????? sending u the number and email to my therapist rn ure paying for my next session. also i love aether, paimons and readers friendship, especially their little banter at the end. ALSO. SIGH. reader calling rosalie maman. when i tell u i screamed i MEAN IT. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I LOVE THEM SO BAD IM GONNA SOB!!!! ............im gonna say, im a bit paranoid though.. youre not gonna hurt rosalie right. righ.t Right. blinking at u. blinking at u. blink blink blink . BLINK. BLIIINK !!!!!!!!!! ok sorry for clogging up ur asks with this . i have no idea how to end this its so long LMAOO. there are so many other parts i loved (brief melusine scene, audience reactions, etc) but i just didnt know how to convey my feelings into words ifgjdifjdji. i love thawed and ur writing SOSOSOSO much and im so excited for future updates!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL I GOT TO SAY!!!!!!! ramble mode OFF!!!!!!!! BYEBYE AND TAKE CARE MUAAAAAAAAAH

HIII LIS!!!!! ohh seeing your asks rlly brighten my day. LMFAOOO your comment actually had me laughing out loud “I JUZT WOKR UP WHAT RHE DICK” HAHSA

YES. DURING THE SHOW!!! i want to emphasize that lyney did not care about the audience or the weeks of practice for this very moment if he sees the reader !!!! HELPPP nooooo dont lie on your death bed yet we still have a few more chapters to go through 💔💔

ONE SIDED GF 😭😭😭 IJBOL he definitely wouldve proposed if it wasnt for aether im telling u. YESSS LYNETTE APPRECIATION i love her so much i try to add her as much as i can bc her interactions w lyney are so fun. Theyre literally siblings 😭❤️❤️

CHILDE MENTION !! this is definitely gonna bite her in the ass later but hey thats for another chapter

YES I E WATCHED BARBIE DREAMHOUSE IMQHAHSHEH thats so funny that you said that im saving that as a screwnshot LMFAOOO

Yes i want to up the angst and pain. reader my self destructive thawed!reader … ❤️ but i also need the therapy please do send my number

Rosalie. rosalie, rosalie, rosalie. our maman. reader���s maman especially. Anyway.

AWW its okay!!! dont ever worry about your asks being too long !! i meant it when i said i love reading through them. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT ❤️❤️❤️❤️ TAKE CARE TOO LIS MWA MWA

[whumpy-wyrms]

Hello hi! Just read the newest chapter and I am Insane

I saw the update and I was so excited I nearly dropped my phone, I was almost normal enough to read it when I saw the wing whump tag, the crowd went insane and it ended up taking nearly 15 minutes for me to start actually reading.

I am insane, your writing is so beautiful.

(This is just me reacting to the entire fic I'm sorry (no I'm not), you don't have to respond to this one)

Anton, the wet cat of a man, watching the trees for an hour each day and counting that as touching grass enough.

He deserves immortality, I think he should get it, he can be trusted yes.

Hjshjshsjsgsjhsjshjshj he's being accommodating with the lights and the textures my heart- (we stan the tisms supporting the tisms)

"But hey, it's for science!" My Absolute Beloved, Anton can do whatever he wants to do he deserves it.

When the when the when the when the autistic wet cats of men communication (Anton and Dew talking at any given time)

The flinch going to the table >>>>>>>

THE LYING ON THE FRONT >>>>>>>>>>>> OHOHOHO YES

GLOWING GREEN LIQUID IN A COMICALLY LARGE SYRINGE YESSSSSSSSSSSSDHSHSFFHSDHHSHKDJFHSHDSJJ i am so normal about this i swear

The descriptions are so beautiful and vivid, have I mentioned I love your writing?

The Cloth Gag Yes

I just had to put my phone down for a second at that line woa I'm not usually one for duct tape gags, but this may have changed my mind on that front

When the man is in Pain and the other man is sat Criss-Cross Apple Sauce

He is in pain for weeks oh my with only Anton for company oh my he is going as insane as I am

He is Breaking someone get him a plushie this is beautiful I am handing him a chicken plushie because he is

the wings The Wings THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE

YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

HE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN HE DESERVES A COOKIE

He is Breaking poor guy ohno

""I'm tired of being scared of you,"" I Am On My Knees Good Sir I Didn't Need My Heart Anyways It's Okay

I am holding him so gentle

A lil kiss on the forehead if he's okay with that

Hold lab birb gentle like hamburger

I am giving him a week's paid holiday somewhere maybe just home for a bit (oh wait that's the lab now isn't it :3 )

What's the Anton doin

A COOKIE

YEASSSS

THE BOI GOT ONE YIPPEE

I was going to say give Dew a weighted blanket but I guess he has one already huh

"maybe four weeks? Fuck, that was insane." I'LL TELL YOU WHO ELSE IS INSANE OVER THIS

"keeping Dew from moving an inch away from his captor?"

Damn that line. Someone fetch me my fainting couch. I must be dramatic and think of this line often.

Anton you're not the birb here why are you cooing

"excusing Dew's mention of his old life just this once" Dew should slip up :3 as a treat :333

Anton is but a silly guy. A harmless, silly guy.

He has never done anything wrong ever. I support Anton's rights and wrongs. But he has not done wrongs. He is so. He is a little guy, ur honour. He should be allowed to do whatever he wants in life.

Birb instincts *sounds of wait hold on wait I need a minute wait*

Dew's got wings now yay :3

Also his clone doing his own top surgery is even better.

Have a good 24 hours!!!! I'm going to go try to be a little less insane about this I swear (difficulty impossible)

Also I wrote the live react thing in a word doc and it ended up 661 words long! Sorry for so much!

AHHH KJDFGSJGF TYSM I LOVE GETTING ASKS LIKE THESE!!!

A CHICKEN PLUSHIE FOR DEW OMG im definitely gonna draw that now :))

Anton and Dew are both silly little guys living in our silly minds rent free

us when Anton does Anything: its okay he was just feeling silly :3

anyway i was giggling kicking my feet the whole time reading this,, these asks make me so happy :) its still such a surreal feeling having people react to my writing and ocs this way AHHHAJSKDGAKJ this means So Much to me you don’t understand. thanks so much again for the support it makes me so happy people like my writing and characters!!!!! :)

[galvanizedfriend]

The thing about waiting a month for an update is really unfair for the ones that are constantly giving you all the support. I mean, i will support any decisions you'll make for sure but although you didn't ask for opinions I'm gonna say i really don't like the idea of waiting a month. Personally, i tend to forget a lot of things and this happens specially with fics, waiting that long (cause an update once a month is looong) now that we are getting close to the end will kill me. I totally understand your point of view and you are not the first author i see talking about how the things here in tumblr have changed, but for the ones that are really trying to get you no only the recognition you deserve but also tones of love and support with the story, well, is kinda sad. And i get it's not about us (although i make it sound like it is so im sorry lol) cause i know you certainly care for us, but still, waiting a month specially with all those cliffhangers? 😂 Of course i will wait if i had to but i rather not wait that long, i think an update every 15 days if more than perfect, but again, it's your decision and you should do whatever makes you happy and confident with your work.

The thing with the Wolf is that this universe is really important for all of us, this has become huge in our lives and at this point i consider it a masterpiece (yes, masterpiece), honestly this is one of the few stories I'm constantly reading over a over again.

The problem is tumblr? yes, but please don't consider deleting it, for some of us (and i mean me) this is the only way we can make close contact with our favorites author, and in my case is you and it will make me really sad if one day all of that is gone. You have to realized that you are a really important part of our lives now (want it or not lol) cause all the joy and happiness your work bring us, and we want somehow to give you that back, and the way we can make that is thanks to tumblr and the communication it allows us with you. So yep, i will always be grateful for all that you have brought to this fandom, literally all the dreams we had have become true because of your stories and i will be forever in debt with you for that, for all those moments you gave us that i keep really close to my heart ❤

I don't feel like waiting a month either, anon! 😂 Taking almost a whole year to complete this story is something that gives me the chills just thinking about it. Because it is being written as though it were a season of the show, the ideal for me would be to update it once a week, but I understand that I can't expect people to keep up with that and because these chapters are so long, I'd rather give people more time to read than kind of pile up a bunch of chapters on people to the point it would make people uninterested.

But I just want to make it as comfortable as possible for the readers. For me, it doesn't really make much of a difference because the story is written. I might edit the chapters a bit, rewrite one or two paragraphs, but it's basically done. So it's really about the readers. If it turns out people don't want more than a chapter a month, then, you know... 😂 So it's good to know more people prefer the 10 to 15 days time frame, because that's honestly as far as I personally think it can go. More than that and I'm sure I'll start to drift off. lol

So, you know, I didn't ask, but I welcome opinions on that from anybody who feels like sharing. So appreciate your message!

I really do like tumblr as a way to keep in touch with people and there are so many great fandom initiatives all around, I get SUPER DISTRACTED by the pretty gifs (I’m a girl of simple pleasures!), but if I say it doesn't bring me down hard sometimes, I'll be lying. 😂 The anxiety and the pressure is almost kind of inevitable sometimes, and I'm sure many people feel the same way. It's nobody's fault, obviously, it's a personal thing, but if it gets to a point where it becomes too much, I might feel like taking a step back.

It's not the case now, though. I took a day off yesterday and now I'm here distracting myself from elections anxiety in my country, so it's all cool. 😂😂 I’m glad I have some asks to answer.

Thank you so much for this really sweet message, anon. ❤️❤️ I've said it countless times before, but writing this fic has been the thing that kept me sane this year. With so much crap happening and the pandemics and some personal problems, both because of the pandemic and not, I would've definitely flipped if I hadn't found something to keep me grounded and distracted. I plunged into writing this like never before, got SUPER involved with the second season, even more so than the first, so I am both grateful to the people who have read it, who have shared their thoughts with me, who have left me comments, who have showed their appreciation in any way and have followed me here and kept up with this process, because that kept me motivated to keep going and I really, really needed that. So thank you!

[horansqueen]

BabyGirl 10.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts okay more like 15 parts? lol ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ I wrote the thing about socks without even thinking about Niall’s socks obsession (just because one of my daughters used to love socks sooo much) and then I remembered so I added something about it haha!  ♥ im so sorry it took so long, really. i will try to update quicker next time! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.

♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6 // PART 7 // PART 8 // PART 9

                                 10.0 SHOPPING & PRINCESS THINGS

HIM

I felt a bit disoriented when I woke up. The sun peaked through the living room windows and I could hear the tv in the background. I groaned low, sensing it was way too early to even think of getting up, but finally sighed and opened my eyes slowly. I felt someone move against me and gripped her tighter, pulling her closer to me. She let out a low whimper and it made me smile fondly. I turned my head to look at her sleeping, her mouth slightly open and her hair a mess, and it made my heart twist. A bunch of memories rushed through my mind and I brought my hand to move her hair out of her face. I could keep pretending I didn't love her, but I would just be lying to myself, and I was pretty much the only person who still believed my lies.

I let the tip of my finger slide on her jaw until her chin and it made the left corner of her lips move up. She moved her shoulder closer to her face and whimpered again, her eyes fluttering open slowly. They met mine and I smiled more as she did the same.

"Morning." she breathed, licking her lips.

"Morning." I replied just as low. "Slept well?"

She smiled more and stretched herself and for some reason, I felt suddenly endeared by the way she woke up, stretching her arms up and squirming slightly the rest of her body as a low groan escaped her lips. But It's only when she turned on the side and her arm wrapped around my chest that my heart jumped in my chest.

"Surprisingly, yes." she pointed out, looking up at me. "Your couch is amazing."

She was so close and my eyes roamed on her face, letting thoughts and memories invade me the way I never let them before. For once, I was making the choice I wanted, and not the one I knew I needed to make. I was allowing myself to go against what I thought everyone else wanted to do something I desperately needed and I was sure I wouldn't regret it for a second. I bent down slightly, brushing my lips against hers. They immediately curled and I chuckled, pressing my lips firmly on hers.

"Mommy, I'm hungry."

The voice made both of us jump and I instantly remembered the sound of the television playing when I woke up. It should have been a hint that Chelsea was awake but it simply didn't come to mind at that moment.

Her mom sat up and I did the same as she tried to comb her hair with her fingers. I was nervous, not really sure of what our daughter had heard or seen, and I cursed at myself mentally. Just yesterday, we had decided to start again but not tell Chelsea to be sure not to hurt her and the first thing we did was going against that, even if it wasn't intentional.

"Mommy!" she repeated in a whiny voice, making me raise my eyebrows.

"Chelsea." I replied without thinking. "Mommy just woke up, so give her some time okay?"

The confidence in my tone surprised everyone in the room, especially me, and I held my breath, a bit scared I would be told to mind my own business. They both stared at me, blinking a few times, and my daughter finally sighed, turning back to the television.

"Okay uncle Niall."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to my girlfriend (the thought made my heart jump in my chest) who was sending me a fond smile that I quickly returned. She brought her hand to my cheek  and I felt a shiver cross my whole body when her fingertips brushed on my jaw.

"You're gonna be good at this." she whispered before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

We made toasts and eggs in silence, just moving together in my kitchen like we were used to cook together all the time. It was easy to be around her, just like it felt natural for the three of us to be under the same roof, and when we all sat at the table to eat, I started wondering when was the last time I felt that degree of happiness in my life.

Of course, there was always the shows, and the fans, and the recording, but feeling this happy in my own personal life was definitely on a different level.

"So Chelsea, you remember we're going at the mall today to buy you new clothes?"

Her face illuminated and it made me grin. I always thought kids hated shopping, especially for clothes. Clearly, it depended of the kid, and I had to stop being surprised at how special Chelsea was. I was way past thinking it was just my biased ass who imagined that she was unique. She had done nothing but surprise and endear me since day one.

"I will be able to pick dresses?" she asked in a high tone full of hope.

"Yes, of course."

"And and and hats?" she kept going. "AND SOCKS?"

The last word made me chuckle and I turned to her mother, my eyebrows raised up.

"Socks?" I mouthed, making her smile more as she nodded. "She likes socks?"

The thought of my own socks collection made my lips curl even more and i shook my head. I enjoyed discovering that we had things in common even if I didn't see her grow up. I guess it was a way for me to feel closer to her in a sense.

"But first, we have to go back home to get changed." she pointed out, taking me out of my thoughts. "We shouldn't stay in yesterday's clothes."

Chelsea nodded a bit exaggeratedly and jumped down the chair. I watched them leave to the bathroom to clean and I decided to go change too.

My room was almost cold, making a shiver run up my spine. I was happy she fell asleep in my arms on the couch and that thought made me smile. I quickly emptied my pockets, placing everything on my bedside table but held my breath when I noticed the silver heart again. I stared at it for a few seconds, swallowing the lump in my throat as the memory of it came back to my head. It was a gift for our anniversary and I made the vow to surprise her with every gift. This time, though, it was cheesy and I knew it, but I preferred to see it as romantic. I noticed she was not wearing the key that made a pair with the heart anymore and I couldn't hide that it was hurting me a bit but at the same time, I couldn't blame her for trying to forget. I put new pants on but slipped the heart in my pocket again, wondering if I should bring it up or not. I didn't have much time to think when I heard them get out of the bathroom and search for their coats.

We made a quick stop at their place and I waited for them in the car, slightly nervous about how the afternoon would go. I hadn't had a girlfriend in so long I could barely remember what it was like. That thought hit me hard and reminded me of that conversation I had with Louis, when he was looking for my watch. I meant almost everything I told him on that day, except when I said I had never been in love, but now that I had decided to try with her again, I felt completely different. It's crazy how only a few days can change everything. Or perhaps it was my daughter that changed me. Either way, I felt new, and It was a permanent change.

"Okay Chelsea, where do you want to start?"

My daughter looked around, her eyes roaming on all the stores and she pressed her lips together, moving them quickly from left to right as she pondered in silence.

"Dresses. I want to start with dresses." she affirmed with conviction, making me smile.

I was not really surprised as she seemed to have a keen interest in princess dresses and we made our way to a specific store I was not even aware existed before today. My eyebrows raised when I noticed all the pink and I slipped my hands in my pockets, playing with the small silver heart hidden in the right one. I felt out of place and I was not sure why but I simply followed them until a very specific section. Chelsea chose a few dresses to try on and when they got closer to the dressing rooms, she turned around and looked up at me.

"I want you to help me."

My girlfriend let out of a chuckle and bent down to her level to look at her.

"I don't think Niall's at ease yet." she explained kindly. "I'll help you and you can show him all the dresses you picked, is that okay?"

She stared in her mom's eyes and simply nodded before turning to me again. "I'll show you all of them!"

She rushed in a room and I let out a chuckle again at how endearing and incredible she was. They both disappeared behind the door and I waited a few minutes for them to get out. Chelsea walked out first and turned on herself as soon as she stepped out, making the bottom of her dress dance around her. It was pink with some white sparkles and my smile grew again. It only left when she turned to the mirror and I noticed the necklace she was wearing. A simple key with a purple gem laying nicely around her neck could be clearly seen on her reflection and I held my breath. I thought my girlfriend had gotten rid of it when we weren't together but she actually kept it to give it to our daughter and the gesture made me emotional. I swallowed the feelings threatening to burst out but it still invaded my whole body, bringing an unknown until now sensation inside me. I didn't know if it was love, endearment, gratitude or happiness but it felt like a mix of all of those.

"I love your necklace, Chelsea." I finally managed to let out after clearing my throat.

My girlfriend stopped moving and looked up at me in the mirror, her reflection staring at me. I couldn't quite decipher her expression but I didn't want her to feel bad about it and I sent her a fond smile. It took her a few seconds but her traits eventually softened and she smiled back at me with a relieved sigh.

"Thank you!" Chelsea answered, making my gaze move down. "It's from my daddy!"

My heart twisted in my chest and I swallowed an emotional lump for the second time. Knowing my girlfriend told our daughter about me, even without telling her who I was, made me happier than I thought it would.

After half an hour, she had picked the dress she wanted and I watched as my girlfriend took her card from her purse. I grabbed her wrist gently and her eyes met mine.

"Please, let me."

We looked intensely at each other for a while without even blinking and she nodded slowly, licking her lips. I knew that was not what she brought me here for but I wanted to do something more for my daughter, and also for her mother. I didn't know if she struggled a lot or not, but I knew it hadn't been easy on her and I was ready to do my part and help in any way I could.

My girlfriend bent down and told Chelsea something but her voice was too low for me to hear. When we walked out, my daughter turned to me with a huge smile.

"Thank you uncle Niall!" she let out a bit too loud. "I will think about you every time I wear it!"

At that point, what really hit me was not how polite she was, or how grateful she seemed to be that I paid for her dress. What hit me was how bad I wanted her to call me 'daddy" instead of 'uncle'. I wanted her to know I was her father, and that I was sorry for being absent all those years. I wanted to tell her that I loved her even if I didn't know her, or even that she was alive. I wanted her to see me like a daughter sees her father. I didn't just want her to know that she had a father that loved her, I wanted her to know it was me, and that in only a fraction of second, she had became my world and would be forever my priority from now on.

I swallowed an other lump of emotions and simply grinned.

"You're welcome, princess." I bowed down low enough. "I'm honored."

HER

Watching them interact was more amazing every time. There was a bond forming between them and seeing it tighten in front of me was incredible. I almost felt like I didn't belong and although I loved spending time alone with Niall, being the three of us together brought me a kind of happiness I hadn't felt before.

We kept following Chelsea through the mall, checking the stores she was interested in and refusing to buy every single thing she asked me whenever we entered a new place. The dress was a gift but she really needed new pants and t-shirts. It took a long time to pick tops and bottoms that actually matched when we finally left the last store, Niall and I were not only exhausted but also a bit annoyed by all the shopping we had made. On the other hand, Chelsea still had a lot of energy. We stopped for fast food and when we were about to walk out of the restaurant, Niall stopped by a small vending machine. Chelsea and I stopped too and walked back to him as I frowned. He put a few coins in it and turned the handle. We watched as something fell and he bent down to grab it, opening it quickly and handing it to our daughter.

Her face seemed to illuminate and he got down on one knee, smiling to her. I couldn't help but feel endeared by the scene in front of me. I knew what kind of boyfriend Niall was, but I didn't know what kind of father he could be. I now realized that he was just as adorable.

"A princess deserves a pretty ring, don't you think?"

She smiled and nodded as he took the plastic ring and grabbed her hand, slipping it on her middle finger. The ring was slightly too loose but it didn't seem to bother Chelsea at all. Her lips curled as much as they physically could and she finally threw herself into Niall's arms. He seemed surprised at first but he took her into a warm embrace and closed his eyes.

"Thank you."

Her voice was low, almost a whisper, and it was surprising I even heard it. Niall smiled more, his eyes still closed, and at that exact moment, I realized something. I always thought Chelsea needed a father. It was in the way she asked me about him, and how it seemed to be something missing in her life. But as I watched Niall interact with her and giving her all the love she deserved, I realized that he needed her just as much as she needed him. Maybe more, even.

"You're welcome my princess."

The fact that I denied him four years of this made me feel even more guilty and I held my breath, trying to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. If only I could go back in time...

It kept bothering me through the whole day, and the feeling of culpability became harsher by the minute. It had never really left me since the day we saw Niall again but now that I was completely aware of all the wrongs I did and pain I caused, it was even worse. I kept both of them from so much love and happiness with each other through these years and I clearly would never forgive myself for it. I knew Niall would never forgive me either and It took me all my strength not to start crying. Would Chelsea ever forgive me? She probably wouldn't be mad at me when she'll find out but in a few years, she'll be able to understand exactly what I did and thinking about my own daughter hating me was something that scared me more than I thought it would.

I kept quite until we were sitting in Niall's kitchen once again. I played with my food, not feeling hungry at all, while Niall and Chelsea were having a discussion. He was telling her about his socks collection and she excitedly asked to see it. I stopped listening to them, lost in my thoughts, and jumped slightly when I heard my name.

"Are you okay, love?"

Chelsea laughed and I looked up, watching as Niall's eyes moved to her.

"What makes you laugh, Chels?"

"You called her 'love'" she pointed out, making a small smile form on my lips. "That means you love her."

She was still young and didn't really understand it was a simple nickname and that Niall used it with many people. The nuances were not as obvious for her as they were for us. I chuckled low but remained silent, curious to find out how Niall would get out of this one. I knew he was very good at twisting things around to be sure he wouldn't have to answer a question he didn't like. I leaned my elbow on the table, placing my chin in my hand, and stared at him.

"Maybe I do, Chelsea." he simply said. "In fact, I do love her."

I held my breath, my heart now beating so hard against my rib cage I felt like it was going to just fly out. My brain had a hard time processing his words and my lips parted slightly in shock.

"And I also love you, Chelsea."

I blinked a few times, trying to get back to my senses and inhaled deeply, turning to look at my daughter who was smiling.

"I love you too, uncle Niall."

He brought his hand to her cheek and caressed it gently before raising his eyebrows and pointing her plate with his chin.

"Are you done?"

She nodded slowly and yawned, rubbing her eyes with a sigh. It took me all my strength to move but I finally got up and turned Chelsea's chair my way.

"Bed time, we had a long day."

"Nooooo! I want to watch a movie!" she whined.

It would normally make me smile but I was too startled to be completely normal. I knew it would take me a few minutes to let everything that just happened sink in and I was barely aware of what I was doing.

"It's late. You can watch a movie tomorrow." I pointed out. "Do you want to sleep here again tonight?"

Chelsea seemed to think and finally nodded just as Niall got up too, his chair making an annoying noise.

"I'll put her to bed if you want."

Our daughter rushed to him and threw herself in his arms, making him laugh. I looked up and our eyes met. He sent me a fond smile and I felt my heart melt and my lips curl. I had so many questions that needed immediate answers, so many thoughts I wanted to share, and so many memories that rushed back to my brain.

"Yea, thank you."

He winked at me and I smiled more. I remained motionless, standing in the middle of the kitchen, a bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the past few days. I kept wondering if he meant what he had said a few minutes earlier and if he did, what exactly did it imply? In the end, I just shook my head. Niall loved me, that's what he said. And I loved him, I never stopped. There was nothing to process or comprehend. I let the truth flood my insides and swallowed hard as tears invaded my eyes. Even in my wildest dreams, I hadn't allowed my imagination to go that far.

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Felix Stray Kids

OH BOY

Felix.

The meme himself

The creator of Changpil

I know right here and now this is going to end me

Let’s get started!

His crush on you is so bloody obvious

He’s not the subtle type

That’s not to say he isn’t hella shy with you tho

No no

He’s gonna tease you to no end istg

But he’ll always end up reassuring you that he doesn’t mean it at all and how special you truly are

Just RaNDoMly likes to crush you in a hug

Quoting the meme “that’s my best friend that’s my best friend!!””

Ye he’s very energetic with you

He’s never

NEVER

Going to stop talking around you

Unless he gets flustered with you

And then he’ll sit verrrrry still

Hands on his lap

With his lips pressed together

And owl eyes

0_0

You don’t really get why he does it

It’s cute tho

What you don’t realize is that he’s fighting with every fiber of his being to not scream and dance around because

Holy shit

He’s head over heels for you

He’s gonna try to confess romantically

Pfft like that’s gonna work out

Gonna try to take you to your favorite takeout restaurant and buy your favorite food

And he’s gonna try to stay calm

He doesn’t stay calm

He’ll suddenly blurt everything in one go:

“Soireallylikeyouandivelikedyouforasuperlongtimesoiwashopingwecouldhangoutasmorethanjustfriendssometime???!!!!!”

Basically shouted

And you’re sitting in front of him SH00K AF because

1) he confessed so suddenly

2) he did just basically yell in your face

Needless to say you’re a little lost

And poor Felix

He just looks at you horrified, apologizes for shouting and kinda looks in every direction as if waiting for someone to come rescue him

But he doesn’t get up

And finally lowers his head

“Sorry I was an idiot there…. I panicked…? I don’t know how to think staight with you”

And you’re about to get teary-eyed because BOI THAT WAS SO SINCERE

“I really like you too, Felix” you say beaming

He’s gonna look at you with the happiest smile ever omg

The same expression he had when JYP said they were debuting as 9 that expression gives me life tbh

So there we go! You guys go on a first date and it’s a sealed deal from there!

Dates with Felix

How to put it?

Chaotic? Ye that’s the word

Improvised, chaotic, fun, amazing dates

You’re ready to collapse at the end of it lol

Especially loves to go to archades or a laser tag I LOVE LASER TAG AND I WANT TO PLAY LASER TAG WITH FELIX DAMMIT *ahem* excuse me

Can you imagine running around in a dark room playing against another huge team

Which Felix is in

You don’t really know-how you both ended up on different teams smh

And you round a corner to see him facing you with the slyest of smiles

“Hey y/n! Look, I’ve got a gun!!” And proceeds to shoot you

Earning a yell of anger from you as he runs away laughing his ass off

Isn’t shy about skinship

Holds your hand without hesitation

But if you peck him on the cheek without warning

He’s gonna have a red face

And he’ll slowly melt into a puddle of goo in your hands

Ye he’s soft

Your first kiss is from a dare I bet

“You need to beat me at this game or I get a kiss”

“But you’re really good at this game and I suck!!”

“Exactly! Now let’s play”

He wins but you refuse to kiss him

“I never agreed to your terms, mister”

He pouts like a puppy but you don’t back down

“Fine then” he sulks “I’ll play it your way” and he snatches your food

Crisps, gummy sweets or a churro, he’s gonna take it and run off with it

“HOW. DARE. YOU STEAL MY FOOD! GET BACK HERE” you run after him, and you both get looks from passing people they judgin you hard

You finally catch up to him, huffing and puffing “give it back, dork”

He jumps around refusing to give your food back

You’ve lost all patience by now

You’re practically steaming when you finally growl “give it back you son of a b—“

He kissed you right on the lips, interrupting you

When you part he’s gonna let out a little scream

“I’m sorry I surprised you! That wasn’t at all planned! Can we rewind and start over??”

And then he’ll run away again, panicking.

With your food.

“FELIX ITS FINE JUST GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN SNACK”

Hehe you better wear ear defenders when you meet the rest of SK

They’re gonna scream 10x louder than ever when they see you

Congratulating Felix, warning you not to tell him where you hide your food etc

You know, Stray Kids stuff :)

“Y/n, can you teach us how you keep him under control?” -Hyunjin

“That would be useful but no one can control that hurricane of a kid” -Chan

“Feel free to hit him if he gets too annoying” -Jisung, as felix tries to wrestle him into the ground

“I hope you’re the right one for him, y/n” says Changbin. “He’s a good person, so don’t hurt him; or you’ll have to deal with me” it highkey sounds like a threat, hello Changlix

You two are the couple that don’t know wtf they’re doing half the time

You’re just having the time of your lives being together

Both of you will be lost if the other gets sick

“Is it a cold? Flu? What can I do to help?? And I might need help in helping you...” -either one of you

After many failed attempts at trying to make food or find the right medicine, you’ll just fall asleep on each other, completely exhausted 

Felix can get insecure about his elimination in the 9th cries in 4 different languages 

And sometimes will work himself to the bone 

If you try to stop him he’ll get really defensive 

He’ll push you away 

“You don’t understand! You can’t understand! How can you?! I need to get this perfect or... or.....” 

He realizes what he said and that it must have hurt you 

Even if you keep a plain face and a steady voice, he’ll know that it hurts you 

He’ll just break down in tears 

“I’m sorry *sniff* I can’t even talk to you properly.... I want to get this right, I want to prove that I deserve to be in Stray Kids....” 

You’re crying as hard as he is

Because his pain is yours as well 

You hug him tightly, listing all the amazing things he can do 

And all the things you love about him 

And you’ll repeat over and over how much he does deserve to be in Stray Kids

And that will calm him down 

NO MORE ANGST IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME 

He loves teaching you dances 

Not just dances that SK have done, but dances he’s done before moving to Korea 

Will actually interrupt you if you try to tell him that you can’t dance 

“You can. Because I’m teaching you. And i say you can dance. So you can dance.” 

Veeeerrry stubborn  

Tried to teach you to beat box like him 

It doesn’t work 

Sometimes asks for help when he’s learning something new in Korean 

Even if you suck at speaking it he’ll enjoy trying to learn with you 

Isn’t the texting type 

He’ll call/FaceTime you when he knows you’re free and when he wants to update you in the day 

Is the type to yell your name as soon as you pick up 

And you reciprocate by yelling his name 

If you’re in a place where you won’t draw too much attention to yourself 

You both send your fav memes 

Or quote them lmao 

He loves quoting hella old things the other members have said and melts when you start saying them too 

It drives SK up the wall RIP 

You two are in charge of cooking 2-3 nights a week for the boys 

Neither of you know why Chan was so ruddy insistant on it 

But meh you just roll with it 

If you have to cut onions, you’re both gonna start singing Seventeen’s ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’ 

The cooking days can be either a complete success 

Or a total disaster 

There is no in between 

At all. 

But most of the time you guys make a decent meal to feed 8 other hungry children artists so everyone’s happy 

This boy is nervous as fuck to meet your family  

At first he tries to back out of it 

“Ah ye, I think I’ll be sick on that day?” 

“What?” 

“I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT” 

He sucks at lying 

But he actually gets his shit together when you meet up 

Good clothes, perfect hair I mean he has perfect hair anyway sooo 

And he’s super smiley 

He’s obviously tense 

To you anyway 

But your fam don’t seem to pick up on his nervousness 

And the day goes by smoothly, and Felix finally relaxes 

He’s gonna flip his shit when you ask to come with him next time he goes to Australia 

He’s gonna start planning it immediately 

If his family don’t beat him to it and visit in Korea that is....

Then he stops functioning 

Amazing s/o + family = happiest boy on the planet 

And you’re relatively chilled about meeting him parents 

And they are SO SWEET 

You get along so freaking well with his sisters and he lowkey becomes jealous 

It’s just the most amazing thing for both of you ever 

In the evenings after practice Felix loves to just drift off while you two talk 

From what you did in the day to a random anecdote from a decade ago 

He enjoys the peace of it until he falls asleep 

Will collapse with happiness if you wear his hoodies 

“ITS LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU” 

“Felix are you seriously crying right now?”

“I’m just so stupidly lucky” 

Definitely not gonna say ‘I love you’ on purpose 

100% an accident 

He’s gonna say it when he’s half asleep, probs won’t even realize that he’s said it until you react 

“Man, I must dead-ass be the luckiest person on Earth to have someone as amazing as you” he rambles. “I love you so much and I just want to tell the world that I do....” 

Leaving you SH00K to the core 

“YOU WOT MATE?” 

If you say it first he’s gonna cry 

Don’t @ me I know he’s gonna cry 

He's probs stolen your food again

And he’s lowkey being a twat 

“If you had to choose your fav food or me, what would you choose?” 

“Seriously? The food, duh” 

“DUDE WHAT? Alright then! I’ll just leave” you drag him back by his arm 

“Noooooo don’t leave I don’t want you to gooooo” 

“Why not?” 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY ELSE YOU IDIOT” 

He’d do that thing again 

0_0 

“Oh my god, Felix I’m sorry it just slipped out” 

“...”

“Felix?”

“I LOVE YOU TOO” he screams 

Once again leaving you SH00K 

And he’ll crush you in the biggest hug ever 

IM SO SOFT HALP MEH 

When SK are away 

Ngl, I would pray for them 

Felix is a whiney baby without you 

Can even be in a grumpy mood 

FaceTimes you in the evenings 

His or your evenings, depending on the time zone

And you two will talk quietly until one of you falls asleep

It’s insanely adorable 

Will actually start dancing in the airport before seeing you because he’s so bloody excited 

And the rest of the boys disown him 

“Who’s that, dancing? He looks like a pigeon” -Woojin

“Dunno, never seen him before in my life” -Minho

Earning a protest from Felix

Your ears will fall off when he finally sees you 

“OHMYGODY/NYOU’REHEREI’VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCHI’MSOGLADTOSEEYOUAGAIN” 

“FELIX SHUT UP YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN”

“WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING?”

Changbin butts in “I DON’T KNOW SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

He’ll go public about your relationship anytime after a year 

In the least flattering way for you 

He’s definitely the guy who pretends to take a photo and ends up taking a video smh 

You’re both smiling at the camera and he’s not taking it 

“Hurry up, man, my cheekbones are getting sore” 

No response from him 

You immediately catch on what he was doing 

“Omg I can’t believe you!!!” 

As he laughs like an idiot 

Will still make sure you’re ok with him posting it tho 

And when he does 

TheInternetHasShutDown.jpg 

You guys will break the internet

There’s not a single person of consequence who doesn’t love you two 

It’s absolutely amazing 

A/N: PHEW! This adorable nugget coming to wreck all your bias lists lmao

Hope enjoy reading! Later :D

[authordai]

random nano update

hello~ 

so, this is a week one update... yes, it’s late.. sorry!

my current WC is 19354 :) i’ve written.... 5 and a half short stories, all of which i love~~~ and im trying to prep another one for submission!

i don’t really know how to post excerpts from short fiction... cuz like, does it make sense at all? :P 

btw, i did this on my computer, so it’s definitely gonna look weird on mobile~ sorry sigh

cube guy (cuz your girl can’t think of a name lol)

When he pulled again, his weight shifted and he was thrown backwards. He’d dislodged the metal piece, his prize returned to his torn hands. He took a deep breath and sat up.

His heart stopped.

From the hole he’d made, spilling forth like an open wound, was black smoke. It pooled on the ground, and soon formed a layer over the tiny cube’s surface. 

Why had he wanted to be free?

What was in the darkness? 

He sprang to his feet and tried desperately to cover the hole. His weight worsened the damage, the cracks like thunder in his ears. He couldn’t stop the leak, couldn’t close the hole.

Redo?

PAVID

He huffed against the dirt, frozen in place. He begged, to no avail, for his heart to silence its frantic thumping. Sweat poured from his hairline despite the early winter chill and dripped into his eyes, making them burn. Still, he remained fixed to the ground. He scanned the darkness, his ears strained for the rustle of leaves of the snap of twigs— the sound of his encroaching death.

Slow.

the plague of apollo

He didn’t feel repulsed— not exactly. Maybe because it was gore that dominated his work; works of horror that featured humans and non-humans alike. He liked gore, but what he saw had him frozen. He’d studied police photos, images taken during murder cases; the things that would get him close to reality, but they weren’t real, they weren’t in the moment. The flash of the camera whitened the skin, erased the shadows, brightened the blood. It wasn’t real. 

But real was before in him fascinating technicolour, etching itself onto his eye so he could see it even with them closed. 

It was the scene he’d always wanted to create. The destructive force of nature, crude and violent, lying within the ever-quiet forest, resting upon a soft bed of grass and moss. Untouched. 

It was lovely and horrible.

the widower’s collection

She’s smiling, holding the baby above her, the little girl’s smile mirroring her own. Pure joy. Even as a profile shot, her eyes sparkle, each fine line of aging a sign of maturity, of seconds passed to get to this moment.

All he sees is her. A radiant glow, a carefree smile, the darkest curls and brown eyes that twinkle.

He doesn’t need another photo, this one’s enough. The moment is captured—the lighting perfect, the framing exact. It’s what he needs. It’s the last one.

a day with oizys 

i can’t find the file right now... so ill save it for another time! :P 

TOSKA

Fear pushed her on; fear that whatever pursued her would catch up, should she rest for too long.

The wind blew, its frigid tendrils caressed her face, and for a moment, the gale sounded almost like a whisper. Her heart betrayed her, the beats rapid against her thinly-covered bones. Excitement coursed through her; foolish expectancy; greedy desire.

When the wind died down, so, too, did the whisper. But when her heart settled, beating steadily on, she was colder than before. The hollow lack in her belly told her she was significant in her existence, yet, in the same breath, was completely irrelevant.

Alone.

[blissedoutphil]

To Live In Clover Part 6

Dan needs to escape his hell life. Anthony has a rather extraordinary offer. But what does it entail for Dan?

aka an AU where Anthony is a sugar daddy to both Dan and Phil.

oh god it’s been a month since I updated this I’m sorry. I hope this chapter is worth the wait! and thank you anons for your prompts! they fit the idea I had for this chapter perfectly :)

4713 words of Dom!Anthony, sub!phil & sub!dan, sexting, punishment, nipple play, cbt, predicament bondage

~Part 5~

~Part 7~

or read on ao3!

“Anthony said he might be home late again,” Dan announced sadly as he read the text from his dom. Anthony had been working overtime almost everyday for weeks, and their sex life has plummeted as a result.

“Seriously?! Tell him to stop being a workaholic. There’s more important things to do, like us,” Phil answered from the kitchen.

“Done,” Dan grinned and went to help out with dinner.

A few minutes later, their phones dinged.

“Too bad, Phil,” Dan read the text aloud.

Phil huffed. “Time to take matters in our own hands.”

“How?”

Phil looked thoughtful for a moment. “Take off your pants.”

Dan looked incredulous for a moment before he squinted his eyes in suspicion at Phil. “What are you planning?” he asked.

“You want Daddy to come home quicker and play with us or not?”

“Why don’t you take your pants off?”

“It’ll be more fun if you do it, trust me.”

Dan huffed out, but he found himself getting up to remove the only piece of clothing he had on anyway. Phil grinned at him and got out his phone.

“Alright, do a nice lil pose for Daddy,” Phil said cheekily, opening the camera.

“Phil...I don’t wanna get in trouble,” Dan said, unsure about Phil’s idea.

Now it was Phil’s turn to huff. “We haven’t come in like, 3 weeks. Don’t you want to do something about it?”

“First of all, stop exaggerating. It’s only been 2 weeks tops. Second...yeah of course I wanna but not if we have to be bad. We shouldn’t disobey our Dom.”

“Stop being such a goody two shoes, where’s the fun in that! What’s a lil spanking anyway? Just think about the amazing sex we’re gonna have after that! That we’ve been missing out on for weeeeks,” Phil tried his best to convince Dan, getting up and closing the space between them.

Dan mulled over Phil’s words, wondering if a punishment really is worth the sex. He supposed he could handle it, he might even enjoy the punishment since he’s been neglected this long and he was so used to having sex almost daily before the past couple of weeks. But it was the fear of disappointing his Master that was giving him doubts.

Phil sensed that Dan needed more encouragement, so he leaned forward, catching Dan’s lips between his. He pulled on Dan’s bottom lip with his teeth, hearing a small moan escape Dan. He cupped Dan’s ass, smiling into the kiss when Dan leaned into him instead of trying to pull away from the embrace.

Dan broke the kiss and groaned when he realised he’s now half hard. They weren’t allowed to help each other out, so he’d have to either take a cold shower or go through with Phil’s plan now.

“Fine,” he muttered and plopped onto the sofa, wondering what pose he should do.

Phil smirked, satisfied that his plan was going to work out. Without warning Dan, who was still trying to make himself comfortable on the sofa, he snapped a picture of his sub brother. Phil hummed approvingly of his own photography skills and sent the picture to Anthony.

“Hey! You could’ve told me you were gonna take it, did I even look good?” Dan squealed.

“Don’t worry darling, you look absolutely dashing,” Phil said dramatically and waved the phone in front of Dan to show him the picture.

Dan blushed, and noticed that his boner was on full display in the picture. He hoped Anthony wouldn’t get too angry that they were being naughty. The phone dinged and he scrambled to read the message.

“Behave, you two. Don’t be naughty and influence your brother, Phil,” Phil read the text, grinning.

Phil reached out and caressed Dan’s thigh. He took a photo, capturing his hand dangerously close to Dan’s hard cock as well as Dan’s flushed face.

Phil: but dan looks like he rly needs help, Sir!

Sir: im warning u phil, u better not misbehave. and dan just be patient, i’ll be home soon enough

Phil smiled wickedly. “Time for the finale, baby,” he announced.

Dan had no time to ask what the finale entailed because Phil’s lips were suddenly on his neck, and he moaned brokenly when Phil began sucking on his sensitive skin there. His cock twitched, but he refrained from touching himself.

“Phil, you’re making this difficult for me,” Dan whined breathlessly, “how’m i gonna control myself?”

Dan knew he should stop Phil, he knew they’ll definitely be in lots of trouble if he came. But instead, he gripped the back of Phil’s head and kept Phil in place.

Phil hummed, happy that Dan was encouraging him through his actions. After he sucked another hickey, Dan tugged Phil up and pressed an urgent kiss to his lips.

“Phil,” Dan moaned when Phil broke the kiss, and he dropped his head to Phil’s shoulder. He tried his best not to buck his hips up against Phil’s thigh, but the way Phil kneaded his ass made him hornier and more desperate.

“Your soon isn’t quick enough, Daddy,” Phil whined, voice small and childlike.

Dan lifted his head to see that Phil was recording a video, angling the phone camera to show how Dan was desperately clinging onto him, how hard and needy Dan was.

“Daddy please,” Dan begged breathlessly.

Phil stopped recording and sent the video to Anthony, smirking triumphantly. Then he turned his attention back to Dan, who was nipping at his shoulder.

“Anthony will definitely come home on time today,” Phil smiled, “now do you need help? I mean, we’re already in trouble anyway so...no difference if you come or not now right?”

Dan still wanted to be as good as he could; just because he did a small naughty thing doesn’t mean he should go all out. And honestly, he’s rather appalled at how bad his self-control had gotten. He decided to blame it on the fact that he hadn’t come in like 2 weeks.

Dan wanted to say it’s okay, really, he could just stop his boner. But Phil had begun stroking him slowly, fingers gently moving along his length, and goddamnit they’re going to be in big trouble.

The boys were so busy jerking each other off that they didn’t notice their Dom replying to their little video. They didn’t think to check their phones chucked away carelessly. They barely heard the front door slam shut, only hearing each other’s ragged breaths as they grinded against each other on the bed.

Dan had already come, and his hand was tugging Phil’s shaft expertly, knowing from Phil’s whimpering that he was close. He broke their kiss to gulp in some air, opening his eyes to look into those beautiful blue irises. But the corner of his eyes caught something odd by the door, and he glanced in that direction to see what it was.

All breath left Dan’s chest when he saw his Dom leaning against the doorframe, anger written all over his face. Like a reflex, Dan’s body moved before he could even think. He bumbled off of Phil’s body, leaving Phil confused.

“Dan wha-” Phil began, but when he saw Dan’s expression, he knew what happened. He didn’t even need to look where Dan was looking. Internally, he groaned. At least Dan had gotten off already, his own orgasm was building rapidly but now he definitely won’t get the sweet release.

But externally, he put on an innocent expression. He was prepared for whatever punishment Anthony would give, maybe even looking forward to it.

“Daddy, you’re finally home,” Phil said, voice sweet as he slowly turned to Anthony with doe eyes.

Anthony’s jaw was clenched, lips pursed in a tight line. He held Phil’s gaze with a fiery stare.

“Where did my good boys go?” Anthony’s voice was steady, but Phil could hear the hidden anger.

“We’re right here, Daddy,” Phil replied, voice small, pretending to be confused. Behind him, Dan was peeking at Anthony with big, scared eyes.

Anthony’s frown deepened as he made his way to the edge of the bed and towered above his subs.

“Dan,” Anthony’s voice boomed, and Dan cowered a little, “did you come? Without my permission?”

Dan’s mouth opened but he couldn’t find his voice to answer. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint his Dom, but there was no way to deny what he’d done. To make matters worse, his mind started playing unwelcome flashbacks of angry men in his past.

Dan squirmed a little under Anthony’s stare. He knew Anthony won’t hurt him, not like all those monsters in his past did. He honestly deserved a punishment from his Master, he wouldn’t put the blame on Phil for making him come. And he knew that lying would only make things worse. So, he swallowed down his irrational fears.

“Y-yes, Sir,” he whispered brokenly.

With that, Anthony turned his attention to Phil. “What a bad influence you are,” Anthony scolded, “you’re in for a tough night, boy.”

Phil didn’t seem bothered, but Dan didn’t want to throw his sub brother under the bus like that.

“It’s not Phil’s fault, Sir. I should’ve known better, I could’ve controlled myself but I didn’t. I’m sorry,” Dan’s voice was steady as he defended Phil and shared the blame.

Anthony crossed his arms and looked contemplative, while Phil turned around to give Dan a what are you doing? look.

“Alright then,” Anthony began after a few moments of silence, “I was about to let you off, Dan, because I know this was all Phil’s idea. But maybe you deserve to be punished too.”

“I do, Sir,” Dan answered, despite Phil shaking his head at him.

The two boys watched their Master walk over to the chest of toys with bated breath.

“Kneel up, face each other,” Anthony instructed when he returned and the boys scrambled to do as they were told.

Anthony had lots of rope with him. He first made the boys grip their elbows behind their backs and tied their forearms securely. He then waved a couple of nipple clamps in front of them, not even trying to hide his smirk when he saw the nervous looks on both subs.

The clamps were connected by a short 6 inch chain. Anthony tweaked and rubbed the boys’ nipples, getting them hard and stimulated. When they started moaning softly, he stopped and connected Dan’s right nipple to Phil’s left with the clamps, then did the same for their other side.

Dan hissed at the pain of the clamps pinching his nipples hard, and he had to shift forward closer to Phil to keep the chains slack. Anthony flicked one of the clamps on Phil, making Phil groan. He then stepped back to observe his boys. They were kneeling so close to each other to make sure the chains won’t go taut. That won’t do. He wanted to make sure the chains were as taut as they could get, have the clamps pull on their nipples as hard as possible without falling off. 

Anthony lubed his finger and slid it past Dan’s rim without much warning. Dan moaned slightly at the intrusion. Anthony didn’t bother to add another finger to stretch him properly, it was a punishment after all.

After hooking his finger and thrusting for a bit, Anthony removed his finger. He spread Dan’s ass cheeks with one hand, and with the other he slowly pushed an anal hook into Dan’s tight ass.

Dan jerked slightly when he felt the cool metal intrude him. When the hook was secure inside him, Anthony made a knot with rope on the end of the hook and tied the other end of the rope to the hoop at the top of the bed(**) right above the headboard. The rope was far too short to have even a little slack, and Dan found himself in a rather awkward position where his chest was still close to Phil to keep the chains loose, while his ass stuck out to reduce the tension on the rope connecting to the anal hook as much as he could.

Phil bit back a moan when Anthony started fingering him; he wasn’t supposed to be enjoying his punishment. Anthony had left him in predicament bondage before, but now with another person, he felt like it’s on a whole other level. He hoped they could take the strain that he was sure they’d soon feel.

And soon enough, Phil found himself in the same position as Dan, chest leaned forward and ass stuck out. If he moved forward to reduce the tension on the chain, the hook would dig deeper into his ass, but if he moved backward to relax the rope, the clamps would tug painfully on his nipples. It’s even worse than being in predicament bondage alone since his every move would affect Dan, and if Dan moves, he’ll be in pain too. If either of them wanted to relax, it’ll be at the other’s expense.

He looked at Dan, seeing the younger boy’s face scrunch up in concentration to stay still. They both have leaned forward as much as they could without getting themselves hooked deeper or losing balance, but the chains on their nipples and the ropes from their hooks have gone fully taut.

Anthony stepped back to admire his work. Phil shuffled a little and groaned when the hook in his ass grazed his prostate.

“Should I tie your balls to the bedposts too for good measure?” Anthony asked, and he chuckled when the boys frantically shook their heads.

He walked over and started stroking both his boys’ dicks. Phil moaned gratefully, he was still hard. Dan jerked a little, cursing in his mind as the clamps tugged on his nipples. In turn, it tugged on Phil’s as well, making him groan. He stroked them both to full hardness, until they were panting and breathing heavily.

“Almost forgot,” Anthony said, a smirk playing on his lips. He got out two ball weights from his pocket.

He hooked one weight onto each chain, delighted by the boys’ whimpers. “Don’t drop them,” he warned.

The weights swayed about, moving the chain and causing the clamps to tug the boys’ nipples down. Anthony tapped on the ropes tied to both their anal hooks. Like a butterfly effect, they both jerked backwards and caused the chains to go fully taut, tugging on their nipples painfully. They groaned and whimpered pitifully.

“Such naughty, horny boys...getting so hard even though it’s a punishment,” Anthony tutted. He smacked Phil’s cock at the last word and Phil jerked in surprise, in turn pulling on Dan’s nipples again.

“Well...good thing you have each other huh? You don’t need me. Guess I’ll leave you two to help each other get off again,” Anthony shrugged and left the room.

The moment Phil was sure Anthony was out of earshot, he whispered, “What was that for?”

“What was what for?”

“You could’ve gone without a punishment but you had to open your mouth and be such a good boy.”

“I couldn’t just let you take all the blame, I was in the wrong too. It’s not all your fault,” Dan said, trying to be as still as possible so the weights on the chains wouldn’t move.

“How long do you think he’ll leave us here?” Dan asked when Phil didn’t continue the conversation.

“Dunno...it always depended on how bad I’ve been and how pissed I made him,” Phil mumbled.

Dan whimpered, noticing that even breathing, a movement so small on his chest, can cause the chains to go rigid and the clamps to bite down harder on his nubs.

Phil moved forward, letting the chains go a little lax. The hook sunk deeper in his ass, but he was suddenly consumed by guilt for getting Dan into this mess, so the least he could do was help Dan suffer less.

Dan looked up at Phil questioningly, but he didn’t object. He gave a small smile as a form of thanks, and they stayed in silence that way for a bit.

“My turn,” Dan spoke up after a few minutes and leaned forward, biting back a groan as the hook forced his ass to stay in position.

“No, I’ll take it,” Phil replied, refusing to relax.

“It’s okay Phil, you should relax now and let me,” Dan insisted.

Phil let out a little wrecked noise, hanging his head in defeat. “Why are you so nice,” he mumbled, almost inaudible.

Dan was honestly a little worried by Phil’s sudden distress.

“I don’t want you to strain yourself so much, I can take it too,” Dan reassured him.

Phil looked up and Dan was surprised to see a tear rolling down Phil’s cheek.

“How are you not mad at me? First you’re sharing my punishment, and now you want to help me,” Phil sounded sad and confused, and if Dan wasn’t immobilised he’d hug Phil in a heartbeat.

“If I were you I’d be so pissed at me right now,” Phil admitted softly, “Would’ve pushed all the blame, would’ve taken the first chance at escaping punishment. I’d hate me.”

“Well,” Dan began, “I want to be here for you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with the consequences alone since we both broke the rules. And I don’t hate you, I deserve this as much as you do.”

“But it was my idea...I’m sorry I dragged you into this, I shouldn’t have done that in the first place,” Phil bit his lip guiltily.

“Sure this isn’t the spanking you said it’d be,” Dan chuckled a little, “but you’re forgiven, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not mad at all. I just really wanna make it up to Anthony now. I can’t stand being the reason he’s upset.”

“You’re a much better sub than me; I’m always a brat to him. Anthony deserves you and not me,” more tears were slipping down Phil’s face and Dan’s heart wrenched hearing Phil.

When Dan first moved in, he’d feared that Phil wouldn’t like him because he now had to share his boyfriend. But over the months, he’d seen how Phil cared for him as much as he cared for Anthony. He’d learned how Phil was such a confident boy, fully enjoying the idea of having two boyfriends. Unlike Dan himself, who sometimes had irrational thoughts on how they might dislike him for randomly invading their life.

He looked up to Phil, despite Phil’s playfulness that sometimes got him into trouble with their Dom. He wouldn’t call it being bratty, plus Phil’s right when he says there’d be no fun at all in being perfectly obedient all the time without any playfulness in a relationship like theirs.

So he never once thought that Phil could be insecure. That Phil would even think Dan was better than him, or that Anthony would prefer Dan over him.

“No don’t say that, Phil. You’re a brilliant sub for Anthony! I lack in what you’re good at. You’re an amazing cook, you bother to do the chores. I’m too lazy for all that. Anthony needs you. And I bet he’d be bored with a goody two shoes like me. He needs a cheeky sub like you,” Dan said, happy when Phil smiled softly at his last statement.

“And he doesn’t only need us, he wants us. Okay? Us. He doesn’t favour me over you, he doesn’t deserve me more than you. So quit crying, you spoon, and help me remind him how much he loves us, show him what he’s been missing out on,” Dan continued and Phil blinked his stray tears away as he laughed hearing what Dan called him.

Phil finally leaned back and whispered a quiet thank you, only then realising how his ass was in pain from the strain.

Dan was so busy helping to reassure Phil that he forgot about the pain. His hook had sunk in deeper, and now that his mini speech was over, he was suddenly all too aware of the uncomfortable sensation in his ass. Not to mention how sensitive his nipples were caught in the clamps. But he didn’t move. Phil had let him relax, and now he was going to return the favour.

So there they remained for the next half hour, taking turns to feel the strain while the other rests. Both of them had sweat sheening their bodies. Despite the mini breakdown, Phil’s cock was leaking precum. He was always a painslut.

Dan was only half hard, getting tired from keeping his muscles tense as he stayed still in position. If not for the hook occasionally brushing his prostate, he was sure he’d be soft. He tried to shift his focus away from the sharp pain on his nipples and in his ass, but it only made him aware of the dull ache in his knees, the pins and needles in his arms. But he didn’t regret asking for the punishment. Besides needing to be there for Phil, he also needed the punishment for himself. He needed to feel forgiven by Anthony.

A little over a half hour later, Anthony appeared by the door again. Neither of the boys dared to look at their Dom as he slowly walked up to them. Dan’s chest heaved a little as his heart began beating rapidly, causing the weights to sway. Anthony merely stood by the bed silently, observing his boys as they grew anxious under his gaze.

“Dan,” Anthony suddenly spoke up, making the boys jump a little, “your sub brother got you off, isn’t it a little rude not to return the favour?”

Dan bit his lip, unsure of how to answer, and Anthony smacked Phil’s hard cock. Phil jerked back and Dan sunk his teeth into his lip even more to stop himself from groaning as the clamps tugged harshly on his sore nipples.

“S-sorry, Sir,” Phil stuttered, knowing full well that Anthony doesn’t like his subs being hard when he punishes them; punishments aren’t meant to be enjoyed.

Dan watched with wide eyes as Anthony continued hitting Phil’s reddened cock. Phil tried his best to stay still, he didn’t want to jerk against the chains and cause Dan any more pain. Phil’s groans were soft, and as precum leaked from his cock, Dan knew that Phil couldn’t get soft even if he tried. He only gets hornier the more torture his cock receives. Anthony obviously knew this, and he probably wanted to make it difficult for Phil.

“Because you were naughty, I had to leave work early,” Anthony stated, removing the weights on the chains. The clamps immediately felt lighter on the boys’ nipples, and Dan gave a small sigh of relief.

“And because of that, I’ll have to stay in the office even longer for the next few days,” he continued angrily. He yanked the clamp off one of Phil’s nipples, causing Phil to yell out in pain as blood rushed to his sore nub. Anthony pressed and rubbed the aching nipple, making Phil groan loudly.

Dan whimpered as the clamp tugged his nipple down with the chain swinging around. His own nipples had gone numb and he feared the moment Anthony would take his clamps off. Phil’s reactions certainly weren’t helping.

“But of course,” Anthony paused to let Phil thrash around as he freed his other nipple, “I can’t let this happen again when I’m in the office.”

Phil looked down to see his erect nipples red and sore, and his abused cock an equal shade. He panted, hoping that at least the worst was over. He shuffled back to reduce the tension in the rope connected to his hook.

“I don’t know if I can trust that you boys won’t disobey me when you’re alone again,” Anthony said disappointedly, and it broke Dan’s heart.

“We’re really sorry, Sir, we promise not to do it again. You can trust us,” Dan spoke urgently, making sure to include Phil in the apology.

Anthony looked Dan in the eyes, and Dan confidently held the gaze until his clamp was roughly tugged off. He squeezed his eyes shut in pain, unable to hold back the scream that ripped from his lungs. The pain grew as Anthony rubbed the blood flow back into the abused nub.

“You’ll have to earn my trust back,” Anthony stated, face emotionless as he waited for Dan to calm down.

Dan tried to calm his breathing, but it was hard when he knew the pain was going to be repeated when Anthony inevitably removes the other clamp. Despite anticipating it, he still couldn’t help but scream again when his other nipple was finally free. He blinked back tears and groaned when Anthony pressed on his erect nubs.

Dan looked up when he heard Phil sniffling. He followed Phil’s line of sight to Anthony’s hands holding out a couple of cock cages.

“P-please Sir, punish me but not Dan. He tried talking me out of being naughty but I dragged him into it. I’m so sorry and I deserve to be punished more, but Dan doesn’t,” Phil sobbed.

Anthony softly carded his hand through Phil’s sweaty hair to calm him down, but Phil continued.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bad sub you don’t deserve, you deserve a good one like Dan.”

“Phil,” Dan said in a mix of surprise and disbelief, saddened that Phil still harboured those thoughts despite his efforts to reassure him earlier.

“Phil,” Anthony echoed, “you’re a very good sub for me, okay? Everybody makes mistakes and I don’t expect you to be perfect. And you know that every action will have consequences, you need to take responsibility for your misbehaviour. Even though it was your idea, Dan still misbehaved too. I discipline you boys when you need it. I still love you both equally, I won’t prefer one of you to the other. And I’m proud of you for taking your punishment well so far.”

Anthony had moved to hug Phil while speaking, and Phil rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder, wetting it with his tears. When Phil had calmed down a little, Anthony pulled back. He moved behind Phil and slowly pulled the hook out of Phil’s ass, making Phil moan quietly.

Anthony did the same for Dan, and Dan moaned gratefully. When he was done, he moved back in between his subs and silently held out the cock cages again.

“I want to earn your trust back, Sir, please cage me,” Phil said earnestly. His boner had reduced during his breakdown, making it a little easier for Anthony to slip the cage on.

Phil smiled gratefully once his cage was on, he knew that he needed Anthony’s disciplining. He understood why Dan insisted to be punished, because just like Dan, he also needed it to get rid of the guilt of misbehaving and disobeying his Dom and feel forgiven.

“Until I don’t have to work overtime anymore, so 3 or 4 days, we’ll see,” Anthony told Phil who nodded firmly. He’d gladly wear it for as long as Anthony deemed fit.

Then, Anthony turned to Dan and locked his cage on as well. “Two days. Just to learn to improve your self-control.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Dan replied, genuinely thankful for Anthony’s discipline.

Finally, Anthony untied his boys’ arms. He hugged them, and the boys snuggled into his warm embrace. He kissed the top of Phil’s head.

“I love you both, no matter how naughty you may be,” he chuckled as he held his boys tight.

“We love you too,” Dan answered softly, and Phil nodded.

“And we’re very sorry,” Phil added.

“I know you are, I’m glad you took your punishment well,” Anthony said as he booped Phil’s nose and ruffled Dan’s hair.

They’d have to wait even longer to finally have sex now, but Dan and Phil didn’t mind. Because the rest of the night was spent receiving the attention and care from Anthony that they’ve also been missing.

After a nice warm bath - Dan’s still impressed by how it could fit all of them in - they had dinner then a good cuddle in bed, where Dan giggled at Phil and Anthony joking around. Like everything was back to normal.

fun fact I originally wanted their balls tied to the bedposts but then anon suggested anal hooks and that’s way better so thank u anon xo

~Part 5~

~Part 7~

[literaryfaeriecorner]

1/29/21: community, love, and... well, really nothing

link to original post

January 29th, 2021

today i was thinking about how even in the midst of really terrible shit, there's still some really amazing things that can and do happen.

i hate my job with a passion that literally no one around me can understand. back before the pandemic, teaching in the charter system that i work at gave me constant nightmares and panic attacks. i think i have mild PTSD, actually. seriously. after everything went remote, i found some degree of relief. my nightmares happen less frequently, i tend to have less panic attacks, working from home allows me more physical comfort (no one is forcing me to stand on my feet for 10 hours straight), and it's relatively easier to tweet on the job, lol. however, it's still a big point of misery for me. i feel disrespected by my superiors (i literally got cursed out the other week for a logistical mistake that wasn't even my own), my boss-boss hates me, someone leaked screenshots of an instagram post i made last summer about the state of the education system and the charter network i work for took it as some kind of personal attack and i had to answer for it (weird), and i am one of the most underpaid people in my teaching cohort. they explain this away by saying i don't "meet certain data points," and i dont do this and i neglect to do that but i do just as much work if not more than my coworkers... so. anyway, i just want to get out. i hate it. very badly. my job is one of the main causes of my depressive episodes. i'm only still there because i have rent to pay and i also don't want to leave my kids in the middle of the school year... i absolutely would if i got a new job but it would cause me a bit of agony...

anyway, even in the midst of all that negativity and depression and terribleness... i am strangely glad that i ended up there. today, after one of my most taxing classes (it's not exactly a difficult group of students to teach... i just teach them after two other back-to-back classes and by that point i'm drained and absolutely numb in the brain), two of my coworkers jumped on my zoom link to tell me about a mini scandal they happened upon yesterday.

one of my kids' parents is using her daughter's school-issued laptop to sext with some obviously-catfish internet guy behind her husband's back! they discovered this while using our school's device-monitoring program to make sure the kids weren't cheating during a practice exam. the story and screenshots and talk of next-steps were certainly all hilarious and fun and a nice reprieve from a long, tireless day of remote teaching/chasing after kids/grading terrible fucking papers/getting blamed for everything negative under the sun, but the thing i'm most grateful and feeling blessed for is... community. just sitting on a locked zoom call with two other young women talking trash, shooting the shit, gabbing, sharing scandalous information, dramatically reading corny sexts between two older people was absolutely rejuvenating. it felt like being in middle school or high school again. sitting at a table with your friends after a long morning of classes and just talking shit and hanging out and making sure that everyone was good and could make it through another afternoon of the same old tired, boring, draining, depressing shit. it felt good. and i felt grateful. i no doubt would've slipped into self-pity mode which includes scrolling twitter even though no one has anything good to say, snacking on an unholy amount of girlscout cookies, and napping for the last ten minutes of my break before going into another excruciatingly long period of teaching european history (yuck!).

the thing i hate most about the pandemic is that i am missing out on community. i miss going to bars and clubs and parties by myself and plunging into a room full of people who are also open to meeting someone new, getting into something exciting, running away from home. my favorite part of last school year was getting off of work and heading to dinner with a date, or a friend's house for drinks, or to a book signing or art and culture event. just running around nyc for as long as i could, having as much fun as i could, with as many people as i could before the clock struck 12 and i would have to get up in the morning and play the role of boring, underpaid single female middle school teacher again. now, it feels like i can never escape that role. it feels like my entire life is about being a teacher and being abused and underpaid and stupid and lame and underappreciated. i miss my communities and the identities i found within them.

that's why i was so grateful to my coworkers. for a period of 30 - 35 mins or so, i wasn't just a teacher. i was a friend, a gossip, an asshole, a bitch, a silly girl, a person. a whole person. and i hardly ever feel like a whole person anymore. the four walls of my room don't seem big enough to fit a whole person. just a teacher. just a student. just a failure. just a fuck-up.

i love love. i know they're just my coworkers but i'd be lying if i said i didn't love them. i was also thinking, today, about how people are only in our lives for seasons. and sometimes we know this. like, for example, i know that if i got a job at a new place right this moment (fingers crossed, from this blog to God's ears!!!) that i would leave and probably never hear or speak to any of my coworkers again. and i was thinking how i was ok with this. it wouldn't diminish my love for them in any way or make me feel like i need to find some way to keep them around forever... it just is what it is. i can love them and still know that we aren't meant to be together for too long. we got each other through this hellhole of a job without killing ourselves and that's enough for a lifetime, to be honest.

i was supposed to write all these thoughts way earlier but He messaged me on instagram. He replied to a post of mine talking about WandaVision and apologizing for not texting back last saturday... since this is my blog and im basically anonymous, i'm not ashamed to say that seeing his name pop up on my phone is enough to send me over the moon... especially when it's unexpected and unprompted... he's such a bozo though and i basically let him know... i am a big believer in honesty and eagerness but sometimes a little cool is needed. i brushed off his apology and let him know he was sorry as fuck all the time and then congratulated him on being the kind of person who gets to say "i was just overwhelmed because the judge fucked us over and now i'm working until midnight for the next week." that's probably weird but what can be better than having a job that you like, doing something that you love and that is DEFINITELY helping your career... that's more than what some people have... (i am some people, unfortunately, but i'm looking at getting out of being such a fucking loser)

umm.. it's 1AM now and i have another long, tireless day of being a fucking superhuman aka teacher tomorrow so i'm going to go to bed but i feel like i didn't blog right because i didn't have a clear beginning, middle, end and proper sign off and i know i'm being silly and blogs don't always have to be like that but that's how i feel... but i have to go so that's how it's gonna have to be. i just wanted to write my thoughts down and update my blog because i'm trying to keep my promises to myself in 2021. if i don't keep promises to myself... how will i get anything done?

also He just messaged me back again :) and i have to stare at the message for AT LEAST 30 mins before i can settle into sleep mode.

until next time.

[nikatyler]

Usually by the end of the week, I have my rambling part of replies done. However, it’s Sunday afternoon and I still don’t know what to ramble about. Yikes. Well, at least I’m not sick anymore, that was terrible last week.

Oh, I know what to ramble about! Yesterday I woke up at 4 am to watch an ice hockey match and it was worth it. I slept through most of second third to be honest, but that’s just because I didn’t get enough sleep at night and I needed more than my three hours long nap. But hey, I had to finish something in my game, okay? Anyway, when I woke up, the second third was almost over. I checked twitter, saw Ledecká won gold medal, thought “okay, that’s great”. That was it, I didn’t realize what the hell was going on and how great that actually was. Then the break came, they showed how she won it and I don’t even know why, I just started crying a little.

So yeah. If you ever see me starting a sentence with “I don’t really care about the Olympic Games, but...”, know that it’s a lie, I care about the Olympic Games a lot. Also, that was beautiful. It was just beautiful. Then our hockey team won too, so that was also awesome. And they won again today! I’m so proud.

Okay, here’s an advice: Don’t ever let me talk about sports. I’m not that obsessed, but when I start talking about them, it looks like I am very obsessed.

Legacy updates! Give it a few weeks and we’ll switch to sims 4. And then back to sims 3. And boy, you’ll see some things. I don’t know how I’m going to handle them.

Oh, by the way, my sister left me for a week, can you believe that? She went skiing. smh sister why didn’t you take me with you you know i haven’t skied for two years and i miss it

vanillabeansims replied to your photo “Hey it’s another weekly reply post! I finished watching Game of...”

I hate that we have to wait until april of 2019 to get more episodes. I need them now!

adfkahvlkafdbvhahvlkjadhfa what do you mean APRIL 2019

I’m graduating in May 2019, which means I will be busy getting ready for the exams in April

ok I guess I’ll just die

littlemicrocosims replied to your photo “Hey it’s another weekly reply post! I finished watching Game of...”

hey, if it brings you joy, it matters more than you might think <3 never underestimate that!

That’s true though! About any passion in anyone’s life, honestly. I would be pretty miserable if I didn’t have this. I’m still pretty miserable but at least I have something to be a little happier and less lonely

memesplayssims replied to your photoset “Doc: Heir material confirmed”

Soo Regan's the heir? ;)

Can’t confirm or deny that now ;) :D

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “I'd love to hear more about Sebastian, please, if you don't mind? He...”

They told me Im gonna see better, too! These lying doctors!

I was told that it’s something that can come with growing up and getting into teenage years, but it’s going to fix itself eventually...well, I’ve been wearing glasses since like 2011, my teenage years will be over soon (not so soon but still, I’m 18, that’s pretty close to 20s) and it doesn’t seem to be magically fixing itself! I’m not really mad though, it would be weird for me to not wear glasses anymore.

simtress replied to your photoset “Adam: lol bye”

this is so funny especially your comment lol bye!

I love sims 3 with all my heart but the stroll...is not one of the good things about it. At least I can take ridiculous screenshots of it.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Adam decided to take a day off from being a dad.”

Why is he so glad seeing his foot? He was so busy with th twins that he forgot it existed?:D

He loves his feet, that’s for sure. Maybe he doesn’t have enough time to take care of them, now that he has to take care of the twins :D

sugarinesssims replied to your photoset “Guess who finally updated the family tree with pictures of the twins?”

They're gorgeous! Regan looks so much like her mother!

melien replied to your photoset “Guess who finally updated the family tree with pictures of the twins?”

I love them! Felix looks like Caleb

Oh guys you have no idea how much I love them. I wish I could start planning gen 6 storylines now, but there’s so many other things I have to do first.

Regan definitely looks a lot like Miracle! I think that only her lips are different. And haircolour, obviously.

Felix took a lot after his grandmommy grandpa, yes! oh god it’s not funny anymore why do i keep doing these things

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Felix: wHAT IS THIS I’M TERRIFIED”

he looks a little scary lol

He’s just in shock, what could that thing possibly do to him? :o

[prettysei-remade]

graphic design is my passion actually the last time i made a graphic of any kind was when i was like 10 and i have sadly Not magically improved since then rip;; also dont worry the comic sans is ironic im not that awful......or am i 

hey there angels (instead of demons bc ur not demons ur all angels get it haha), it’s me, ya maknae! this is a very looooooong post so buckle in, my pals

AHEM 

exactly this time last year, i was probably laughing and/or crying at the thought of ever having mutuals here, much less having too many to do a proper follow forever in a rush the day before i post it (rip) so becAUSE i ran out of time and would probably give up in the middle, i decided to just talk abt how much i love everyone in the Stream Team gc and also make a shitty graphic so i could bless ur guys’ new years with ot13 and make it seem like i know what i’m doing :) 

ok im gonna get sappy for a sec and then u can all get to the part u actually care about (the part that’s also sappy but directed at specific people) 

my friends!! my loves!!! the bestest people on the planet!!!!! i love you <3<3 you guys are the sweetest, kindest, most understanding, most hilarious group of friends in the world and i’m so fucking lucky to know all of you. you make me laugh,,you make me cry (in a good way),,,,,you make me like myself when i dont feel like it,,,,im so?? blessed??? to have people to talk to and scream abt kpop with and be myself around. i’m more comfortable with u guys than probably anyone else?? like. even irl because 1) i’ll probably never come out, 2) none of my friends know anything abt kpop, and 3) none of my friends are rlly.....aware of the things my brain tells me about myself sometimes. which brings me to the last thing before i start yelling abt u all in alphabetical order: 

thank you guys for being the Good Brains to help out when my Mean Brain gets too mean. 

💙 

@byungjoo 

laura!! idk if u think abt this as often as i do (probably not) but like,, remember before we were friends and we had that ““discussion”” for abt .2 seconds regarding toppdogg going on the unit and then i thought u hated me for a couple weeks and then we became like the most amazing friends?? well reminding you of that is basically my long roundabout way of saying that our friendship is kind of a miracle to me, and i’m so so thankful that you’ve become someone i can trust with anything and not be judged for it :’) you always know what to say and you always make me feel special when we talk and just?? wow...don’t forget me when you become the biggest bts blog in the world......i saw one of your gifsets that had like 5k+ notes and almost shed a tear i was so proud of u.. i love you and thank u for being amazing all the time!! and for introducing me to twice and gfriend aka the most amazing girls!!! and of course....#laurjoo5ever <3

@gipsydangger 

yo jo (that was lame im sry you deserve better) you havent been in the chat for super long but you’re One Of Us and also 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad so lots of love for you!! thank you for singing all star with me in an attempt to cleanse our chat of ******** (im just (all)starring out his name so he doesnt find this post and try to eat my heart again), thank you for being so nice and thoughtful and sweet and all the other amazing things youve been already, thank you for giving iz a shot and somehow becoming a fan in like 5 minutes (???amazing) you!! are a rock star!!! wow!!!!!!

@hjjxxn​

ok alex i know you’re not tec h ni c a l ly in the chat but lets be real;;you’re still my Toppklass Queen ;; ur adorable! ur so kind! u work so hard! ur such a sweetheart! forget toppklass queen, u r the queen of my heart 💖 i cant believe we’re both hojoon stans AND yoongi stans it’s like we were meant to be friends or smth idk?? and you got me into winner and sent me the bEST videos of them holy shit im still laughing abt the one where theyre dancing to ‘hello bitches’ jshdkahds and mino’s duck song,,i cri :’( you have the best taste so i’m vv grateful to know you in the first place and! talking to you is super fun even tho we dont do it often <3<3 ilu <3

@itsachocolatecake 

jess <3 our leader,,mother,,,resident Cutie Pie <3<3 i am so fond of you?? you’re loads and loads of fun to talk with and the chat would be so different without u, i’m not even gonna imagine it!! instead im gonna remember how you always cheer me up right away and help me remember whats good about myself and tell me that i’m not alone and give me great ideas for metaphors involving brains (like mental brains not physical brains)!!! our mutualness (mutualism? mutuality?? idk) goes waaay back, like, relatively, so thank you for following me in the first place bc it means we’re friends now !! love you <3 

@kimsanggyum 

kaliiiiiii!! my wonderful fellow scorpio (AHEM i mean what im not a scorpio who said that i’ll fight them) ur super fun and cute and as soon as you joined u fit right in even tho we’re all kind of weird and now you are One Of Us and it’s kind of hard to believe that you havent been since the beginning?? you’re such a cutie and i love love love talking to you and stuff <3 jdkjsldf dog pics are one of the many ways to my heart and your dog is amazing!!! thank you for sharing!!! you are amazing!!! tell canyon monroe i love him (again) and tell him from me to be nice to laura too,,anyway!! love u lots <3 

@lapillity 

melia. you. are. the. best. my text posts never go noteless bc of you :’) you’re honestly truly just the greatest?? not just bc you like my text posts tho, youre genuinely sweet and suuuuper nice like,,i cant say anything bad about any of the Stream Team tbh but MELIA!!1! you would have to murder a man for a not-justifiable reason for me to say anything bad about you :/ i think you are an Angel and you’re so cute??how are u so cute i dont get it :(( thanks for being my friend and also helping me reject that guy that one time,,without you i definitely would’ve screwed things up tbh so seriously!! thank you and i love you <3<3 

@minty-sugar-kpop 

minty i think i should tell u now that whenever i type “rip” on my phone the next suggested word is always “minty” :’) we’re always screaming abt kpop groups together like!! when clap was released u screamed about seventeen with me!!! when i told u i was getting into twice u screamed about twice with me!! when nothing else is happening u scream about toppdogg with me (and the rest of us)!!!! i love that youre as excited about your fave groups as i am about my fave groups because it helps remind me that it’s NOT weird to be really super extremely dedicated to things that make u happy and i still struggle with that sometimes so.... thanks for being you i guess?? also for getting rid of ******** from our chat with the power of ot13 :’)) love you <3<3<3 

@reallyabananya

kat!! my Superhero!!! the lifegiver for minsung stans everywhere;; i am so grateful for literally everything you’ve ever done in your life but specifically 1) translating every. single. one. of minsung’s often long and very complex posts, 2) being my role model for running an update-esque blog! like!! if kat can do everything she does for her blogs and translate stuff and be so efficient at everything, i can do it for my one tiny little blog!!, 3) working so hard but always being so so sweet to everyone and being so amazingly humble all the time and being somebody i admire not only as a blogger but as a person too <3 (wow that was che e s y lol) im love you!! <3 

@saltygot7 

hi kendall! another scorpio wowie!!! of course i say “another” bc i already mentioned how kali is a scorpio,,it’s not because i’m a scorpio. because i’m not haha. anyway. im sorry i let ******** come between us, i know you didn’t mean to create a demon that would eventually possess both you and your phone and try to eat all of our hearts. i know and i’m sorry and i love you!!! i also know that you still think those asks u sent were hilarious but i forgive you bc i know you love me too <3<3 i can’t believe my Ultimate Bias and the true visual of our group loves me!! wow!!! thanks for all your amazing selfies, they always make me smile :’) you rlly know how to cheer everyone up and get us in a happy mood and just,,,thanks for always being your lovely self! love u lots <3 

@sunshinesanggyun 

bella 💕 i love you, i love you, i love you 💕 idk if you know this or not, but you were actually my first tk mutual <3 i remember when i got the notif that you followed me back and i was so excited because this person!! this person with an amazing blog and who i already thought was super cool!! wanted to follow me!!! i still think it’s amazing that you wanted to be my friend but i can’t really say that i “can’t believe it” anymore because i can;;; you’re my friend and i’m your friend and i love you!! i’ll remind you of that every day if i have to. you’re the other 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad (along with jovano) and it makes me so happy that you’re a fan now too!!!! you’re just awesone tbh?? you help me with my shitty stuff and i try my best to help you with your shitty stuff and!! you’re one of my best friends!! i’m so so happy and lucky and blessed and thankful to know you! never forget how much i love you forever 💕💕💕 

@toppdoggzz 

jacqueline;; the awesome aunt that’s super nice and who helps people when they’re sad;;(i can’t remember jess’s exact wording but it was True);;;; you’re so cool and amazing and honestly i find it incredible how you’ve been with bts from the beginning!! is that a weird thing to say as a compliment?? shdfsdhkd sorry but sticking with a group from debut is really admirable, especially because bts didnt start out super big but you stayed with em anyway :’) you’re such a star and you reblog my selfies when i ask you to (btw ur tags on my latest selfies had me cryin;;find someone who will compliment you every day like jacqueline complimented my decent-ish selfies;;) and you’re so great to talk with and yeah!! i love u!!!! 

@zombietwink 

isaiah. i hope u believe me when i say, from the very bottom of my heart: you are the Meme to my Internet Connection, the Cherry to my Bomb, the Chanyeol to my.....You. idk. you take my worst text posts that i make at like 3am and add the best things to them and make them Good and i love our convos in the replies of my posts alsjdsfjjs also can i just say?? i’m still not 100% sure what the whole thing is with like the “kin” meme (i get what it is but i dont rlly Get It u know) but literally any mention of it ever reminds me of you :’) it’s actually astounding how many memes make me think of you tbh..anyway, ur very very cute and soft and nice and youve been mutuals with me for a Long Time so thanks for thinking im cool enough to follow!!! and for still following me!!! love you <3 

wow that took a long time but it was worth it!! tho i honestly wouldn’t blame you if you just skipped everything and only read the little section abt you lmao 

well, happy new year! i hope lots of really good, and happy, and lovely, and wonderful things are waiting for you in 2018 ✨✨✨

[writefortheblueandgold]

Betty throwing herself into the river instead of Cheryl and Jughead saving her

 Im sorry if this is unacceptably long, I’m still new to this! I added more to the ending than I was asked, but I actually really loved this prompt and personally Im proud of this.

Suicide attempt warning. Au.

Betty didn’t attend school that week. She got rid of the ladder outside the window of her bedroom that lay in wait every night for Romeo to ascend. Betty turned off her phone, locked herself in her room and disconnected from everyone, even Jughead, and Polly. Her slick ponytail turned to a messy bun, she was letting her perfect down, and she liked it. No makeup, no care for clothes besides an S sweater that she stole from Jughead and a comfy pair of ripped jeans. Sitting in her too perfectly pink room, on her too perfectly pink bed she closed her eyes and dug her nails into the palms of her hands. The pain almost a relief for her but it wasn’t enough this time. Her mother had pushed her too far. Alice Cooper never shy of strict perfection on her tired daughter had gone way past her limit, Betty could not fight back.

“Oh, Elizabeth stop lying. You’re not depressed, my daughter could never be depressed. If you keep up that attitude I’m gonna kill you. You’ll end up just like Jason. Stop ruining my reputation, don’t you think you’ve done enough damage to the people of this town. You know, in my head I always wanted you to go like Cliff Blossom. It’d be easier for me, heck, it’d be easier for everyone. I don’t understand what your friends see that’s so special, poor Jughead. I know he’s not much himself but he doesn’t need an, even more so, lowlife like you making it worse” The conversation had started about going to a dance with Jughead. Betty insisted she wear red, but her mother did not agree. The innocent conversation between mother and daughter soon spiraled into a verbal beatdown on Betty Cooper.

Alice Cooper and her daughter Betty Cooper had gotten closer after Betty solved Jason’s murder with the help of her friends, also her mother coming clean about her unborn son had opened a new sentimental side of their relationship. But when Reggie, Trev, and Chuck had started false rumors about Betty getting pregnant with Jughead’s child just like Polly, Mama Cooper spiraled into madness yet again, constantly degrading, yelling, even hitting her daughter. Before Betty had shut him out, Jughead always found a new bruise or red mark whenever he would visit at night and she was in her pajamas. Betty hadn’t seen Jughead or any of her friends since last Saturday and it’s Monday now. She shut her curtains that Saturday, she knew Archie would try to snoop on her or talk to her. Whenever they would come by she’d stand in the other room to hear her mother tell them she wasn’t seeing anyone. They all thought she was mad at them. She slowly maneuvered from her bed, feeling the stiffness in her legs and back as she walked to her desk to grab her phone and two picture frames. One frame held a picture of Archie, Veronica, Jughead, and her sitting in a dinner at Pop’s drinking milkshakes and laughing… Pop Tate took that on the night of the Jubilee. And the other held a delicate picture of her and Jughead at the dance. She was in her pink dress, the one her and her mother argued about and Jughead was as handsome as ever in a classic black tux and bow tie with this crown beanie on. They were smiling as the slow danced together. She missed him. God, she missed him. She turned to the phone she plucked nonchalantly off her desk and turned it on. She let it sit for a while as all of her texts rushed in from the little group chat named “The Core Four”, they had sent her a total of 268 messages all asking to call or if they could come by, asking if she was mad at them, Ronnie and Archie sent her little paragraphs about their day to keep her updated. Of course, Ronnie kept her updated on the latest gossip and videos of the River Vixen routines.  They only thing Jughead would ever say was, “I love you, I miss you. Please talk to me.” He sent that about 5 times everyday. She knew he worried about her, as she did him.

She bit her lip in thought as she texted the group chat. A simple “I’m not mad at you guys, I love you guys.” she turned their group chat on do not disturb as the texts came rolling in and slipped her phone into her back pocket. She unlocked her door and popped her head out to look into the hall. Her parents were asleep, perfect. She padded downstairs to slip on her sneakers on and wrapped her arms around Jugheads sweater as she opened the door and the winter air of November was giving her chills already. Betty slammed the door shut, not caring to be quiet anymore… who really cared, right? She walked for miles without knowledge of where she was going until she came up to a clearing in the woods of a frozen pond. Sweet Water River. She took out her phone and texted Jughead, and only Jughead.

“I’m gonna go down in the same river we thought Jason did. Maybe they’ll care about me then” Betty dropped her phone in the snow and took a few steps before she heard Jughead’s ringtone. She turned on the spot and kneeled to answer it.

“What do you want Jug?” She was a bit irritated that he interrupted her train of thought.

“Betty?! What are you doing?! Where are you?! Tell me where you are and I'll come get you!” He was frantic, almost on a verge of a panic attack. He barely survived the week without her.

“Jug I told you where I was. I’m gonna go down how everyone thought Jason did. I love you Juggie.” She hung up and cut him off.

Jughead barged through the front door of his shared trailer almost knocking his father over in the process.

“Hey! Son! Whats the rush?” FP was confused as ever.

“Not enough time. Emergency. Tell you later.” He rushed out as he slammed the door to his truck and took a second to hit the steering wheel. He didn’t notice he started crying until his nose was running. He started the engine and sped off, definitely over the speed limit, but he couldn’t care less at this point.

Betty slid her way onto the middle of the ice. she stared at the solid ice for a minute or two and contemplated on what she was going to do.  She slowly brought her fist up and pounded at the ice, cracking it with every hit. She sat there thinking about everything her mom made her to be. All the lies her mom filled her with. Nonetheless, she was right. Betty Cooper didn’t see herself as anything more than a nuisance, she only got in people’s way and ruined their reputation and their lives basically. Then she thought to Jughead. Poor Jughead. He deserved someone that wasn’t this problematic, someone simple. She hit it to the point if you stood on it, it would completely bottom out and drop you in the ice cold current. She stood up, and something caught her attention. A red flannel wearing, beanie-capped boy with a flashlight. Jughead.

“Betty, come to the shore. Come to me Betty, please.” He pleaded with the girl trying to reason with her.

“Juggie, I can’t.” Betty was a crying mess by now. Tripping over her words, jumbling them together.

“Why.” He took a step towards her. Just one.

“Don’t even think about coming over here Jughead Jones, it's too dangerous.” She worried for him.

“I know it’s dangerous. That’s why I’m trying to get you to come to me, Betty, you can’t do this to me. I love you,” He slipped off his beanie, signifying his seriousness, “I love you, Elizabeth Cooper. Please don’t do this. You mean the world to me, not only me but Polly, and Veronica, and Archie, and Kevin, and Ethel, I can go on and on about how much you are loved. Betty do not give up. You can come with me, and I will protect you. I will protect you with everything I have. Betty. I love you, I love you, I love you. I cannot stress it enough.” He’s crying now, even more, if possible. But Betty doesn’t notice him taking a step with each sentence.

“Jug. I don’t deserve someone that loves me like you do. I’m a monster. You shouldn’t love a monster. This darkness inside of me is gonna get you too and I can’t let that happen. You deserve someone simple. Someone like Ethel.” Ethel had recently developed feelings for Jughead after he published an article in the Blue and Gold about her achievements. His face scrunched at the thought of having anyone else but Betty. The stood there for what felt like seconds as the ice was cracking under her feet. He took in her messy hair, her makeupless face. He noticed the S sweater he’s been missing for months now, internally he smiled at her forgetting the position they were in. He slowly reached out his hand to her. But before she even thinks about grabbing it. Before she could decide which side to choose, the ice consumed her. Jughead screamed as she just plummeted into the water, vanishing like she was never there. But then his adrenaline kicked in. That was his girl, and this is not gonna be her ending. He dropped to the floor and swept what little snow lay on the ice. He found her drifting with the ice cold current. She was screaming, she was pale already on the brink of turning purple. After what seemed like minutes her drifting stalled and she sat there pounding on the ice, she was running out of air and would definitely suffocate soon if Jughead didn’t do anything. Jughead knelt down right above where she was and started punching the ice full force. he was yelling and crying. He was doing anything he could to get his girl back.

His hands were coated in fresh cherry red blood. Finally, the ice started to break away, he created a hole barely big enough for her to fit, but it was enough for him. He reached his whole arm in to grab her by the wrist and pull her out. Her face was purple, her skin was cold, she wasn’t breathing. Jughead did the only thing he could think of. He quickly places his hands together on her chest and started pushing. He paused for only a moment to plug her nose and try to get her breathing again.

“You can’t do this to me. Elizabeth Cooper! I won’t let you! I’ll die before I let you do this to me!” He yelled at her. He hadn’t stopped crying since he got her call. That was his baby. That was his girl. She looked like an empty shell. Nonetheless, he didn’t stall his attempt to bring her back to life. After 5 minutes she gasped for the cold air. It felt good in her lungs. She held her hands to her head, completely unaware to Jughead sitting next to her until he squishes her into his arms and cries into her hair. Their sitting on the ice, both cold but Betty more so, shivering, crying, hugging. Jughead spreads little kisses all over her face as he worriedly scolds her.

“Betty what is wrong with you?! Don’t you ever do that shit to me ever again! I was so worried! Betty what the hell?! I love you!” He holds her head in between his hands and makes sure she understands him perfectly well. She’s shivering so he takes her (his) sweater and wraps her in her flannel and puts his beanie on her head and picks her up and runs to his truck. Once finally in the car, he cranks up the heater to make an effort to help as much as he can. Half way home he can see she’s still shivering. He unclips her seatbelt and pulls her over to his side and wraps his arm around her. She smiles to herself, despite what they had been through not only fifteen minutes ago, she felt at peace. She always felt at peace with him. He always will be there for her. With the knowledge of affection from him, she feels a great wave of remorse push through her.

“Jug” Only a whisper coming out.

“Yes, Betty?” He looked at her for a moment before training his eyes on the road.

“I’m sorry, I just… I thought you’d be better without me. I don’t do much good to anyone and I-“ she was quickly interrupted.

“Betty. Stop. You deserve me as much as I deserve you. Maybe it’s me that doesn’t deserve you, but how could you say you don’t do much good to anyone? You have changed my Betty Cooper. You have made me believe in love. I will only ever want you. Screw your mother, screw your father. You are such a beautiful human being inside and out that I’m beginning to think you’re not even human, more like a damn goddess Elizabeth Cooper. I love you so much. If I let you just do what you did and die, I would never forgive myself. I will protect you from anything and everything; whether it be your mom, or the rumors that the brain dead jocks like to spread about you, or even you. I will protect you, I promise. I love you, Elizabeth Cooper.” He finishes his little speech with a reassuring kiss on her forehead. He smiles as she rests her sopping wet hair on his lap and gently falls asleep.

“I won’t let anything or anyone her you” He whispers to her sleeping form.

Jughead carries his half asleep girlfriends into his trailer. His dad sitting on the couch jumps up at the sound of the door opening.

“What the hell! Forsythe Pendleton Jones! You had me worried sick!” His father completely ignores the sleeping girl in his arms until Jughead shushes him. Jughead carries Betty into his room. Gently he rubs her shoulder only to wake her enough to throw her some of his pajama bottoms. She nods a little thank you when he smiles at her and kisses her temple. He gives her some privacy to change and peacefully be with herself while he talks to his dad.

“Jughead. What happened?” He pulls his shoulder to guide him to the small circle dining table.

“She tried to kill herself, dad. The love of my life tried to end hers.” Jughead said more to himself, almost like it hasn’t sunk in yet.

“Do you know why?” He knew he was pushing his boundaries but FP cared about Betty, she was like his daughter in law already, of course, he wanted her to be safe.

“Not entirely, I know it has to deal with her mom, rumors the jocks made up, and me. Dad. She doesn’t think she deserves me. Well, she didn’t think she did, we talked in the car and that part is solved.” Jughead doesn’t want to cry anymore, but thinking about what Betty wanted to do terrified him.

“Jughead. I know Mama Cooper is the hardest on Betty. I know how vicious she can get. If Betty would like, she can stay here for as long as she’d like, or for as long as she needs. I know you’ll protect her Jug. You love her, I know you do.” Jughead nodded in agreement with that he thanked his father and went to go ask Betty what she thought. He knocked on the door, he heard no reply, the silence scared him. He opened the door and the window was open. Wide open. “Shitty Betty!” He ran to the window looking out of it, looking for his blonde.

“What Jug?” She asked him hearing his exasperation from inside the attached bathroom.

“You really think I’d try to leave?” She wore a small smile on her face following a slight chuckle.

“Sorry, you didn’t answer to my knock and when I came in the window was wide open. Jesus Betty, why is the window open? It’s November, it’s practically on the brink of snowing.” He walked to her embracing her.

Lifting her head up she took his face in her hands, “It feels good. What was so urgent Jug?”

“Dad said you’re more than welcome to stay here until you feel better. But if you don’t want to and you insist on going home that’s fine too. I just want you to be safe and I want you to be hap-“ He took her hands away from his face and held them in his own.

“Jughead, would it really be okay for me to stay? I don’t feel safe at home anymore.”

Beaming at her he couldn’t contain his happiness, “Betty, like I said more than welcome.”

[danisnotofire]

Do you have any advice for writing? I used to do it all the time but then I just didnt have time for it anymore. And now I want to get back into it and I keep trying to write, but Im hit with this overwhelming doubt/anxiety that it sucks. And I dont plan on posting my writing anywhere so I dont understand why Im so nervous about writing to the point where I want to cry and cant do it. And I really want to work through it but its just so difficult. Any advice? -🌳

i’m not sure how good i’ll be at giving advice on this, because i often feel the same way!!! 

but ig that leads me to my first point, anon, and that is, you have to understand that that anxious feeling never really goes away. sometimes you feel better about it, sure, and sometimes you’ll write something and know you were meant to write it, but 98.7% of the time you will be screaming and crying into ur document and thinking you’ve been a failure and faking any ability to write this whole time. you have to understand that that’s all part of it. but you have to understand: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. i really think you have to internalize that if u ever wanna write anything. 

the best thing to get over feeling awkward and robotic is to separate yourself from what you’re writing. when i got back into writing fic (it’d been like, legit 4 years lmaooo) it was hard to put myself aside and stop feeling weird about writing it. i felt that same stiffness/awkwardness when i started journaling too. the best thing you can do for it is just understand that nobody is going to read it unless you want them to. it’s not going anywhere. the only person who’s gonna judge it is you. 

once you get over that, write as much as fucking possible. it doesn’t need to be a lot. it can be a sentence. it can be a few hundred words. it can be a fuckin novel. just write something. the only reason i’m VAGUELY good is because i’ve been doing it for a longass time. 

i’ve been writing creatively on and off since like,,, third grade. i’m now a sophomore in college. you just gotta churn out as much content as possible. i promise you, eventually it will be good. 

if you can, i think writing classes are actually super helpful for this. i used to kind of shun them and look down on them because i thought somebody teaching me how to write would take away my own style. it actually helped me refine it, mostly because it got me into writing again after going so long without it. i was forced to write every week for a whole semester, and it kind of became a habit that i continued all through the summer.

fun fact: i don’t think no such mirrors would exist in the form it does now if i hadn’t taken that class!!

BUT: I get that classes aren’t always available to you. there are definitely ways u can get urself in that habit!!! you can do nanowrimo (which i did my freshman and sophomore years of high school, where you write 50k in 30 days just to pretty much see if you can. i CANNOT recommend nanowrimo enough. up until no such mirrors, that was my proudest artistic accomplishment)

FIND TIME TO WRITE WHENEVER, WHEREVER YOU CAN. you are going to have to sacrifice certain things to find time to write, but that’s all part of it. i struggled in doing this when i started school this semester because i went from having mostly my entire week free to having like, zero time to write, which is why it took a month for no such mirrors to update. it also sucked because writing makes me feel better about myself, because it helps me be a more productive member of society or something, and so, although it was hard, it became super important to me to find a time to fit that back into my schedule (i ended up carving out a few hours after my last class of the day on MWF, which happened to be my english class with a prof whomst i ADORE, so i always left feeling super inspired. and now i usually go to the silent floor of the library for a few hours and pound out a few thousand words. it’s not ideal, and ofc i’d rather be taking a nap or decompressing from class, but at least it’s something!) 

i know this is harder to do, but i really do think posting your work helps!! i love writing fic because you get INSTANTANEOUS feedback on your skills, and it helps you develop them in a (largely) positive and supportive atmosphere. the people who are reading fic are the people who WANT to like it, who are just desperate for any content they can get. it’s such a good space to learn and grow as a writer (i started writing and posting fic when i was like, 12 years old. my percy jackson days. pre-tumblr. lmao #neverforget) 

i know this is SUPER FUCKING CHEESY, but another thing that helps you become a better writer is to read as much as possible. read anything. read fanfiction from authors you admire. read YA novels. read children’s books. read the classics. 

and then, (and this is something i will shamelessly do lol), pick your favorites, and try and mimic their style as an exercise!!! i recently read james joyce’s “a portrait of the artist as a young man” for class. it’s now one of my favorite books. and so what i did was go to google docs and pound out a few hundred words just trying to mimic the style. it ended up being a weird 1500-word-wip. most of it is garbage, but i wrote lines i’m really fucking proud of. 

obviously don’t like, plagiarize. but what i’ve come to understand is that you can learn something from everything you read. whether it’s a certain type of metaphor, or a kind of characterization, or the art of simplicity, or a way of writing dialogue, or a stylistic thing. and by mimicking that style as a writing exercise or using their style as inspiration for your own work, you help refine what you like, and what your style is. 

i will never be james joyce. that’s pretty obvious. but my version of james joyce is its own style of writing altogether, and it’s not necessarily bad! it’s its own style that i can then learn bits and pieces from later on. to me, writing is this weird ungodly mix of natural ability/learned style and compiling what you like about other authors into your own work. it’s a messy process, but eventually you will churn out something you like. and that’s what matters: producing content that you enjoy. everything else will come in time. (did i think anybody would read engagement sequence? uh, no. i hoped they would, and honestly i do wish that fic was recognized more than it was (bc any author who says they don’t care about feedback is LYING) but mostly i was writing it because i had SO MUCH FUN writing that fic. i’m probably most proud of that piece of writing out of everything i’ve ever written. it came from me combining poetry and prose into this weird pseudo mix of both) 

another thing that’s easier said than done: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER AUTHORS. this is something i CONSTANTLY struggle with (to the point where i get SUPER down on myself if i’m not getting the same amount of anons asking about my work or comments or kudos or fuckin’ whatever). it’s something i CONSTANTLY have to work on, but it’s so so important, and the sooner you start working away from this habit the better off you’ll be. 

if anything, USE these authors as people to learn from!! ask them questions about their process!! read their works and take note of what worked really well and how they executed it, so maybe you can incorporate that into things that you write later on. 

IMPORTANT: COMMENT ON WORKS. COMMENTING ON WORKS DOESN’T ONLY BENEFIT THE AUTHOR, BUT IT ALSO BENEFITS YOU AS A WRITER. commenting helps you specify and work out EXACTLY what you liked about a certain piece. even if you don’t think it does anything, it actually puts words to specific things that you like, which then helps you incorporate it into your own writing. also?? long, thoughtful comments make an author’s fuckin DAY. someone once left like an 8 paragraph review on my fic, and i could. not. stop. rereading. it. for the better part of a week. TRULY. 

take yourself less seriously. honestly. as much as it kind of sucks, writing is supposed to be fun and ultimately, it’s supposed to be rewarding. let yourself experiment with style and dialogue and characterization. who fucking cares? i wrote 300 words about spaghetti steam as a metaphor for jeremy’s parents’ divorce the other day. it doesn’t matter! nobody will read it!! that’s what editing is for.  

it also might help to talk about your writing process!! i know i love doing this, and i see loads of other authors do it too. it’s so, so, so fun to complain about writing, because writing is really fucking hard. even the pieces that come easiest to me are still a pain in the ass to write. 99.99% of the time i write, i would rather be doing something, anything else. who wants to sit and cry into a computer screen? nobody in their right mind. ya do it because you love it, and you love the final product and you love seeing what you’re able to do, what you’re capable of creating. 

if you’re having trouble starting, pick literally the first thing that comes to mind and write as much or as little as you fuckin’ want. remember, you’re in control! you can do as much or as little as you want. when i started writing no such mirrors, i had NO IDEA it was gonna become what it was. i started the fic with jeremy throwing a baseball up in the air and some random dialogue. i didn’t know what role everybody else was gonna play. i didn’t know it was gonna turn into an actual fucking novel. i had no idea! i just had the idea of jeremy laying on his back and tossing a baseball into the air repeatedly. why? i legitimately could not tell you! but it worked. it felt right and natural and easy, and here we are 72k later. 

that being said, IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL RIGHT AND NATURAL AND EASY! you’re just gonna have to write through that! it’s gonna fucking suck a lot of the time, especially with longer works! i fucking hate certain chunks of no such mirrors, to the point where i can’t even bear to look at them. 

this leads into another point, which is….

you’re going to feel like you’re faking it. that’s okay. keep writing. i doubt in my abilities every. goddamn. day. i reread my fics probably daily and can’t understand why anybody would like them, half the time. i feel like the characters’ interactions are forced and awkward and unnatural, i think the dialogue is boring, i think their feelings don’t feel real and i don’t feel like their motivations have depth. i feel like the plot is hanging on with masking tape and thread. every author will feel this way at some point or another. i know that sounds fake, because i’ll read posts like that from my favorite authors and can’t believe they would write anything except perfection. so you have to remember, it’s in your head most of the time. 

however, that’s not to say you’re perfect. you aren’t. there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. sometimes it’s healthy to listen to that voice in your head to try and improve. you just can’t let it become the loudest part of your writing process. 

so yeah! those are my writing tips!! that was a lot and im really sorry if it was all cliche and cheesy bullshit, but i promise they work, or at least help a little bit!! 

i hope you can get out of ur slump, because i love writing so much and hope i never stop doing it (even if i say i hate it l o l) and i really hope you can get to the point where you feel comfortable saying the same

[2seoke]

BEst writers?

In no particular order bcz they are all breathtakingly amazing when it comes to writing :3 ! ! ! !

HERE THEY ARE :D

@syugatae JEN IS THE CUTEST ON THIS PLANET OK I FINALLY GOT TO TALK TO HER AND IT MADE MY ENTIRE WEEK HER WRITING IS JUST INDESCRIBABLE PLZ GO READ “CHANGE YOUR MIND” YOU WONT REGRET IT EVER EVER EVER BCZ HERE I AM TODAY SCREAMING ABT HER FOR A GOOD. FUCKING. REASON. (when i swear you know its real af) NAND SHES WRITING SMTH SOON (IDK IF PPL SHOULD KNOW? IMS ORRY IM TRYING TO PROMOTE UR BEAUTIFUL EINSTEIN ASS) LMO

@war-of-hormoan OK, LISTEN UP. RAM LITERALLY DESTROYED MY BIAS LIST LMAO LADIES AND GENTLEMAN SHES. THE. REASON. HOBI. IS. MY. BIAS. WRECKER. NOW. IM NOT SHITTING ANYONE. RAM IS THE ONLY REASON HOBI IS WHERE HE IS @ TODAY (THAT BOY GIVES ME F E E L S THAT NO ONE ELSE DOES) ANYW YASYAS “ASHES’ IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I DONT REGRET HOBI BEING MY BABY DID I THANK YOU YET MY LOVE BCZ HIS ASS OWNS MINE AND I CANT WAIT FOR THE UPDATE??///////?//??? (take your time tho ily)

@dailydoseofdia OMGOMGOMG OMGOGOMG OGMOGMOGM DIA. WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH YOU. THIS GIRL IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER ENGLISH AND FRENCH AS LANGUAGES COMBINED DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE HER SHE SENDS ME LIL MESSAGES AND HER UPDATES AND I READ AND REBLOG EVERYTIME BCZ HER WRITING STYLE IS JUST –UGH (see what i mean i cant even explain)

@queenjunghoseok my hope. my angel. my JEN SHE WAS PART OF MY SQUAD A LOOOONG TIME AGO AND WELL I STILL LOVE HER AND I STILL READ ALL HER STUFF SECRETLY AND TELL PPL TO GO FOLLOW HER IN SECRET WITHOU- wait. did i just rat myself out… LMAO anyYWayS if anyone deserves more followers, its my baby: jen

@jungblue taytay? she’s beyond AMAZING. I’ve been following her for about a year now and her progress and intricacy is just fucking incredible at this point: THIS GIRL DESERVES- IDEK WHAT SHE DESERVES BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER THE WAY SHE PLAYS WITH WORDS??? HELL? THE WAY SHE USES WORDS? THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE DOESNT USE HER, SHE USES THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE I SWEAR… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO read “FUTURE HEARTS” YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOURE MISSING (TAYTAY LOVE ME)

@yoonminnings vivi? vivi is simply my vivi. Ive been through a lot with her and i literally pray for her every night thats how much she means to me… when I realized she wrote pics…. oh good lord i swear I DIDNT EAT OR SLEEP FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO reAD ALL THE FICS I HADNT READ YET lmao YALL DONT REALIZE HOW MUCH I HATED MYSELF THAT WEEK BUT THATS HOW GOOD SHE IS… I STOPPED MY DAILY SCHEDULES TO CTACH UP ON EVERYTHING (if that doesn’t tell you smth IDEK WHAT WILL @ this point :’)

@bangtanhmu winnie :3 she honestly makes one of the best texts in this entire goddamned website LMAO my gurl got 1k followers… in one week…. lMAO BYE SEE WHAT I MEAN HWQICGQEOGQOWV and I know she isn’t a writer but I just H A D to mention her efhiekclibILwb ilySM LOVE STAY HEALTHY DONT UPDATE TOO MUCH (its a problem rlly she loves her followers so much updates faster than lightning) 

@jungkxook ALY. ALY ALY.……… lmao all i have to say abt her is she ruined me in half…. :) (i still hate you for “arranged love” because the pain was excruciating) but other than that LIFE IS GREAT GO FOLLOWER HER BEAUTIFUL ASS (ILY BABE DONT BE MAD @ ME U KNOW HOW GOOD UR WRITING IS DONT FUKCEN DENY IT) :) NOTHING BUT SYMPATHY FOR YOU :) :0:):):))0;)):;0;):); and my BROKEN HEART :):)::):):);0):);00:):

@inktae tbh I thought she was gonna delete and I almost started crying BUT THEN SHE SAID NO AND I ALMOST THREW A PARTY LMAO BBY tbh when I’m sad mari’s blog is like the first one i always check because…. idk tbh… my fingers jus tap her url OUT OF NOWHERE :) LMAOO her guys… look… even my subconscious is telling you to follow and read her entire master list… hehe…:)::):):):):) (GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOURE THE BEST NEVER STOP WRITING)

@knjns my goddess, my seoul, my everything. She knows who she is, and how much she means to me, and truthfully no matter how much I write on here it’ll never ben enough to express myself. So, I’ll keep it extra short: I love you. Her writing? A whole different story. The way she manipulates words still scares me sometimes because the amount of feels I get from her fics is just -idek- astonishing. she deserves every follower and more.

@tayegi SHE HATES JEON BUT LETS BE HONEST SHE’D DIE FOR HIM. ok, now that I got that out of the way…. LU IS THE BEST :) (lmao don’t hate me) “ROOMMATE” AND “TINDER 2.0″ AND ‘IN BLOOM” AND “EQUILIBRIUM” d o you know how many times I’ve read them? think of a number. now, multiply it to the 10^9. I swear this chick aint human, her smut style is just astounding.. to a point where she gets 3k for one fic LMAO GUYS PLEASE GO SEE HER (then again who doesn’t know her/???? LOL) YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING! NEVER STOP AND TAKE YOUR TIME WITH UPDATES IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO BLESS US WITH ONE!

@hobibliophile Last but DEFINITELY NOT fucking LEAST, jules. JUJU. she has many names but her main one is “goddess of fan fiction” I swear this chick is part of the avengers or smth, not with the way she maneuvers words….. also idk her personality in her tags reminds me of Downey Jr.  and omfg I rlly hope thats not a bad thing or smth bcz I love him ANYWAYS BAKC TO JUJU!!!!!— WAIT. OMG. JUJU ON THAT BEAT. JUJU ON THAT BEAT. DID I JUST- WHT TEH FUK WHY AM I LIKE THIS……………..WQHCWBUWUW nANYWYAS tbh i came for the tags for jules, and I stayed for the talent. “Dick-stractions”?? omg I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.. NAMJJOON…..HES MY WRCKER TOO DID YOU KNOW THAT FIC MADE HIM GO UP BCZ OF YOU? YOURE ALSO THE REASON A BOY WENT UP MY BIAS LIST……. PLEASE GO READ HER E N T I R E MASTERLIST SHE DESERVES GOD himself COMING DOWN KISSING HER CHEEK

These are the people at the top of my head and that I regularly read from, of course there are many more out there :3 plz enjoy them all theres a reason they are on this list!