#still i don't like it THAT much. but I'm curious I gotta know what happens next but the anime only covers the first 6 vols

[bonicedemandarina]

Losing the idgaf wars about a random shojo again

[byechristopher]

Quiet [0.2].

-MATT STURNIOLO SMUT.

PART ONE.

Author's note: Y'ALL, I have been gone for more than a month, oof.. anyways, I still love y'all. I like to believe that I am back now.. but we'll see. I am a very spontaneous bitch, you see. Enough with the rambling. Matt smut. Part two. Let's go. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: long, filthy smut, car sex in the middle of nowhere, matt is a dom, etc. Minors dni! Also, didn't proofread.

I hated how much I wanted more, straight away. I can still feel his fingers inside me and still, that isn't enough. Once the movie ended, he retained his embrace, a gesture I welcomed. The cool touch of his silver chain on the back of my neck and the gentle pressure from the rings on his fingers created a sensation, not quite reaching the point of discomfort.

"Tell them you gotta leave." Matt whispers in my ear and I realise that he wasn't lying earlier – we're going to his car. Good God.

I don't have to respond, not even nod, I just get up (after making sure I'm wearing my pants correctly, of course) and head to the kitchen, where my other friends are.

"Y'all, I'd love to stay for another movie but I have to leave. My roommate has locked herself out."

Lies, lies, lies. But I didn't care enough to feel bad, not when I was about to get eaten by Matthew.

Speaking of the devil, "I can take you home. I have to leave too anyway."

And with that, we were out of the apartment. Not wasting any time, we almost run towards the car and Matt starts driving almost right away. Despite still looking appealing, his hair appears noticeably more disheveled than earlier in the day, and he seems slightly flustered.

My hand lands on his clothed thigh gently, rubbing it up and down, and he gives me a warning glare, "I'm driving."

"I know." is the only thing I say before my hand travels up to his crotch.

He casts me a disapproving glance, yet he refrains from stopping me; he's curious about the extent of my boldness. What he doesn't know is that, in his presence, I disregard all limits. With that determination, I unzip his pants, gradually lowering both his pants and boxers to expose him. The image of Matt glancing between me, the road, and his attempts to drive with his dick hard against his tummy, is one that I doubt will ever fade from my mind.

I spit in my hand and wrap my fingers around his cock, earning a soft moan of relief from him. I start moving my hand up and down, rotating my wrist while looking at him.

"Be careful, Matty." I whisper, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek and I know he would probably fuck the shit out of me now if he could.

"Fuck.." he grunts, knuckles turning white on the steering wheel, his hips bucking.

I lean down to wrap my lips around the tip and he almost loses control; I give it a sloppy kiss and then pull away, returning back to my seat as if nothing happened.

Matt shoots me one of his infamous death glares before abruptly pulling over. His actions unfold too quickly for me to fully grasp; he hastily adjusts his pants and signals for me to shift to the backseat, a command I promptly follow.

Without uttering a word, I observe him as he exits the car and then moving to the backseat as well, internally appreciating the fact that he owns a large, spacious car. I am sitting on the middle seat, he hooks his fingers under my panties and pants, pulling them down and then completely taking them off.

"You think teasing me is funny?" he hums, he spreads my legs wide open, placing my feet on each seat, fully exposing me to him. His hands move underneath my butt, his fingers digging into the soft skin as he pushes my hips upwards – my pussy a breath away from his hungry mouth.

"You know, I kept thinking.." he whispers, his hands caressing my thighs, "..when you came on my fingers.." he continues, his fingers dangerously close to my core, "..how much I wanted your juices in my mouth instead." he looks at me, giving me a small smile.

"Matty, please.." I sigh, I can feel my wetness dripping down already.

"And you know, I get anything I want." he nods, his index finger pressing my clit, earning a loud moan from me. He starts rubbing small circles on it, placing soft kisses on the lips.

Now teasing my most sensitive part with his thumb, he leans in, sticking his warm tongue out to lick my wet entrance, moaning. With his fingers on each side of my pussy, he spreads it delicately as he presses his tongue flat against my clit, rubbing it while letting the tip of it poke my entrance.

"Matt.. fuck.. please!" you can hear a mixture of frustration, anticipation and pleasure in my voice, but it most certainly doesn't make Matt move faster.

"You're dripping, sweetheart." he chuckles, amused. His tongue reaches all the way down, and then up to my clit, eventually wrapping his lips around it and sucking it.

I let my head fall backwards, pulling my shirt up to reveal my breasts – I quickly grab both of them, pinching the nipples while Matt is licking hungrily down there, as if he hadn't eaten for days. He pushes his tongue inside of me and I almost cum right then and there; he notices that, so he takes his tongue out slowly and then shoves it back in. He keeps doing that while teasing my clit with his thumb.

"Yes, yes, yes.. please.." I plead and whimper, I don't exactly know what I'm pleading for.

I let go of one breast to grab a fistful of Matt's hair instead, tugging at it and pushing his head towards my core even more (not that it was even possible, Matt was practically buried in my pussy, tongue inside of me, his nose pressed against my clit). I can feel him moving his tongue, still fucking me with it as he rubs and pinches my clit with his fingers – his free hand moves to my other breast, squeezing it and smacking it.

"Matty.. Matty, I – I'm.. fuck!" I cry out but he never stops, "I'm cumming.. I'm – yes.." and with that last word, I shake and tremble underneath his touch, finally letting go on his tongue, which he embraces with love, making sure not a single drop of my wetness goes to waste.

"That's my baby.." he praises and if I wasn't so lost in pleasure, I would've blushed.

He carefully grabs my legs, placing them on his shoulders as he presses kisses all over my thighs, making sure I calm down before we do anything else.

"Matt.." I moan gently, looking at him.

"Don't look at me like that. Your voice already makes it hard for me." he hums, squeezing my legs every now and then.

"Can you sit down instead? I wanna taste you." my hands squeeze my breasts.

"Can I ever deny you when you're looking at me like that, hm?" it is a rhetorical question but it still makes me laugh.

I move to the other seat while he takes my place, quickly taking his pants and boxers off, leaving his with his hoodie on. Before i start anything, he cups my cheeks and pulls me closer, kissing my nose and then my lips. I get down on my knees, in the same place he was earlier, almost drooling at the sight of his cock. It looks big and hard, and wet, and red. Hell.

"Come on, baby." he encourages, smiling while his hand grabs my chin, bringing me closer.

I nod, smiling, leaning in to grab the base with my hand, bringing his cock closer to my mouth and then eventually wrapping my lips around it. I move my mouth up and down the tip, just to tease him a little, looking up at him as I push my head further down. The more of him I take into my mouth, the more it stretches around him, making me drool all over his dick.

"Mmm, princess, that's it. You can take it." I'm not sure if it's a statement or a disguised warning but I take it either way.

He cups my cheeks and pushes me down on him, my watering eyes struggling to maintain eye contact. He looks at me with pride, almost, as he keeps my head in place while moving his hips, pushing his cock in and out of my mouth. I choke and gag around him but thay doesn't stop me, nor him.

"I'm close.. fuck." he groans, biting down on his bottom lip as he lets go of my head, moving one arm behind the seat and grabbing my hand gently with his free hand.

I move my mouth up and down, sucking his cock hungrily while looking at him, almost feeling it throb in my mouth – my free hand squeezes his thigh and my other hand, squeezes his.

"That's it.. that's it.." he moans, "..open your mouth, stick your tongue out.." he orders and I obey, jerking him off instead, "I wanna see your pretty mouth filling with my cum." he says and I moan just at the thought.

I move my hand up and down his cock, mouth open and tongue sticking out just like he ordered, looking at him the whole time. With a loud moan and groan from him, I can feel his warm cum landing on my tongue, slowly but steadily filling my mouth.

"Fuck.. baby.." he moans, caressing my hair, not daring to look anywhere else but me, "..open your mouth, let me see." he says and I know he wants to see a clean mouth. So that's exactly what I show him; he grins, "mm, such a good girl, aren't you?" yet another rhetorical question but again, it makes me smile either way.

He leans in to grab me and pull me into his lap, hugging me close to him as he lets me bury my face into his neck, breathing in his delicious scent, "you good, darling?" he whispers.

"More than good." I mumble against his skin and I can feel him chuckle, his hands rubbing up and down my back, his lips placing kisses on my head.

"You taste amazing." he whispers to tease me and it works; I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks and I'm glad he's not able to see me.

"So do you." he pulls away just a bit to give me a kiss on the lips.

[performativezippers]

fanfic writer habits i've had to unlearn when trying to traditionally publish original work

a list in no particular order in case you're curious

starting sentences with "And"

so. many. one sentence. paragraphs. like, yeah, this is fun for The Drama but also...not how books work

using italics for emphasis--gotta use your WORDS, zippy

head hopping. rereading old fanfics i wrote, i'm like, WHOSE POV IS THIS?? HOW WOULD JANE KNOW MAURA THINKS THIS?? jesus christ keep your pov tight, zipperoni. i had to really learn this when i was revising my first book and my agent pointed it out.

Oh. Oh. some of these are good but too many are oh [failure]

Using scene breaks to skip through transitions instead of actually transitioning. this one i'm working on right now and it's haaaaaaard.

scene choreography. if someone is holding something, do they ever put it down? are they STILL HOLDING IT NOW, FIVE YEARS LATER?

overwriting vs using a lighter touch. "that's normal. that's casual. that's fine." sometimes that's great for emphasis, but if it was always just "that's casual. that's fine." the point comes across the same way, and doesn't hit you over the head with it as much.

introducing new characters and making them memorable, vivid, and not sucking up too much space when the reader doesn't recognize them (it's lena! i love her!)

pacing! things have to happen at specific times, the book needs to end at a specific time, the conflict needs to be sown here and explode there. making that all feel organic and honest for the characters while also conforming to the genre expectations that have very little flexibility (especially for a new author trying to convince publishers I know how to write books)

ending things at the right time. at first i wrote too far beyond the climax (classic fanfic problem) and then now i seem to have swung too far in the other direction and am ending too soon after it. but the good news is that my editor asked for an epilogue. you know what that means?? A WHOLE SHORT CHAPTER OF FLUFF Y'ALL!!!

Does this need to be a curse word or can it be a different word? i mean often it fucking needs to but not always!

Just cut out the word just almost all of the time even if it feels like it's just the right word; it will hurt just a little but you should just do it.

use as much sex as the plot needs. incorporate it into the plot. don't change the tone of the piece. make it stay in character and also be hot and also serve the narrative.

got questions? want examples? have thoughts? what other things have you caught yourself doing, or notice when you read through your old stuff?

[melodic-haze]

I WAS WAITING FOR THE ASKBOX TO BE OPENED AGAIN WOOHOO…

anyway. How about a belly bulge from a strap with Robin? Like, trying out different straps with Robin and the one is bigger then the bigger belly bulge on her stomach is!!!

-🐿️

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Robin x dom!fem!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Reader with a strap but that's probably evident HAHAHA, squirting

☆ — NOTES: I JUMPED ohhh 🐿 how I love your mind ik you sent this when I last opened my askbox I'm so sorry it took this long 💀💀💀💀💀

I went crazy insane before sitting down to write this bc HOLY FUCK

For the record I'd like to think that this was Robin's initial idea. She got way too curious and decided to just maaaybe suggest experimenting with sizes :3

And maybe she wants to see how it feels to be stuffed silly but shhh you don't need to know that (you probably already know LOL)

You start with a smaller size before buying new ones that are bigger than the last......but you just can't help but notice that whenever you both look around the site for another one, she always seems to linger at a particularly large one before you gently nudge her and snap her out of whatever train of thought she was in

So you end up buying that exact one in secret before surprising her, in which case?

The moment you revealed your 'mystery gift', you find that you've never seen Robin's eyes practically sparkle this much in such a peculiar way; it shined with a humorous mix of surprise, amusement and heated desire.

"Is this..?"

"I've noticed your eye on it more than once—for a multi-talented performer, you're not exactly discreet," you joked.

She smiles bashfully, "I suppose I've let my excitement show once or twice..."

"Really."

She laughs in that melodic tone you've easily grown to love, "Oh, hush, you!"

But then her eyes drift back to the new toy you've bought her.. and her hand idly strokes the false appendage, the size comparison between it and her hand being.. definitely something.

You hadn't even realised you were staring at her (and her movements) until you heard her clearing her throat, "Y-Yes? Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

She gives you a light smirk, the wings on her head lightly flapped as if it were tittering, "I was going to ask if you'd like to try it out on me but if you're preoccupied with something, then-- mmph! ..Mm..."

You had silenced her with a quick yet deep kiss, the dildo pressing down on both your stomachs and earning you an excited moan before you drew back, "Was that enough of an answer for you, angel?"

"Mhm..." Her hand went to feel the toy leaning on her stomach, as if a prelude for the real event, "More than satisfactory."

Oh god when you get down to it, it's like she's absolutely hypnotised. Robin's DEFINITELY a lot more, for the lack of a more eloquent term befitting for such a lovely lady 🥰, sluttier and you've found that out for a bit now, but you've never seen her like this—all that's happening right now is Robin blowing you and yet it's as if she's already so dumb and eager as she drools on your cock. Can't even fit it in her mouth, what's the chance that she'd fit in her cunt????

Turns out she's determined to have you (and your new toy) inside of her no matter what 🤷‍♀️ gotta respect the woman's perseverance 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

She winces when you try to put it in at first (with a LOT of questioning her beforehand about whether she's sure she can handle it, which she says she can but still) and you take your time with it, letting her adjust to the stretch little by bit. Something inside her wants you to just shove it all in but she 1) knows better and 2) doesn't want to worry you 🫶🫶🫶🫶

It takes a while but when you finally bottom out inside her she is WEAK AS HELLLLLLL❗️❗️ Her eyes are half-lidded, her breaths fast, drool gathering on the corner of her mouth.......oh she's already gone and you haven't even started moving yet

The moment you do though??? Ohhh boy oh boy oh BOYYYYYYY her wings are a DEFINITE tell on how she's feeling. With the way they're flapping and twitching as you piston her deeply, you can easily say she was enjoying it ☺️

And alsooo the moment you've all been waiting for :33333

You had been so distracted with your Halovian lover's reactions that you almost didn't notice the very noticeable bulge on her...

Oh. Oh.

"Robinnn..." You cooed with a clear smirk on your lips, "I'm sure you can manage to look down here, right? It'll be worth it."

You accentuate your point further by gently grazing your hand onto the evident bulge on her stomach disappearing and reappearing every time you plunged the strap inside her. She looks down at the feeling with unfocused eyes before they widen at the realisation...

And then you push.

The reaction you get is one you wish you recorded for preservation—she screams as her nails claw on the sheets underneath her, hips shaking up and pushing herself even further into your cock. The tip ends up hitting a particular spot and her eyes roll back as you feel some sort of pressure hitting onto your strap.

The moment you pull out, a jet of liquid squirts out and hits you and the strap both. It takes a while before her orgasm actually starts to recede.

...

And you need her to do that again, you resolve within yourself, as you use the wings on her hips as handlebars and pull her back on your dick without a warning.

You don't stop for a while, that much is clear

Yk what else is clear? That Robin's a SIIIIZE QUEEEEEN I love her 🥰🥰🥰 She's soooo stretched out and fucked out by the end of it and yk what the best part is???

She makes sure to show you just how much she appreciates her very big gift in any way you'd want ☺️☺️

She's gonna have so much fun the day after when she goes to work ahahahah no fr I'd say jokes but I'm really not. She'll think about what you've done and what you now have and she'll feel her pussy clench as she gets distracted by her own thoughts when she REALLY shouldn't be 😭

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts

CH.31 (Dryad)

Marcille, your stick--I mean staff!

Sobbing, wheezing with laughter, crying. Boys........boys why are you like this.

IS THE PLOT GOING TO BE GETTING OUT OF THE DUNGEON NOW?

Did the orcs not point them in the right direction at least?!

Marcille, you look like shit. I guess you haven't recovered after that intense battle too well.... and this is bad news if you guys are now being herded into a labyrinth by that sorcerer.........

aww, come on. They're just a bunch of little guys! Look at em!

Lookit em.

MAKING THE WORGS WAVE THEIR PAWS GOODBYE NOOOO STOP IT THIS IS TOO MUCH

S-senshi..... Senshi.........do you think you're traveling with children? Senshi. Did you. Did you actually think you faced a red dragon with children at your side? Was that a logical thing you did? Was that really how you reasoned it out...?

Then again, I think Senshi MUST be older than all of them in comparison but still...........

Go, Chillchuck! I choose you!

My money is on the ghosts which are clearly numerous and common in this world.

👀

Oh?????

SENSHI, LET HIM LOOK!!!! DON'T BE A HOMOPHOBE!

Live slug Dryad reaction

Well now that seems extreme but I trust him.

So.... a cold...?

Oh for the love of--

You had me going there for a second.

I'll develop hayfever if it comes free with looking at ladies smooching all day, ffs. First world problems, guys,

Okay, on second thought, anthropomorphic allergens are kinda creepy.

Someone who's never read Dungeon meshi explain what's happening in this image.

Gotta say, improvised mastectomy was not on my bingo sheet.

I mean......NOW it is........

Their faces......they're so fucking tired of his shit.

........I........I'm with Marcille on this one............ ....please put those back.

Marcille and Essek would get along great.

That dryad was the one with the least amount of boobage, too. Trans rights, I guess.

Senshi draws the line at........fruit babies that don't yet look baby-like....? Curious.

And now we're back to smashing faces. What an excellent harvest of uncanny valley.

"I'll still eat it, though!" You know what that is? Growth.

C-can he... do that? Just learn magic without anything?

I mean, it's stupid to ask I guess. I know wizards exist. I guess I just thought this fantasy system required a knack for it?

What a big happy....... family.

Gods, the terror of having another adult try to babysplain sex to you. Every day Chillchuck wakes up.

[fairysluna]

INVISIBLE STRING | Chapter 6: girl at home.

New Girl!AU — A disastrous break up led you to them; three guys living in a huge apartment and in need of a new roommate who helped with the way too expensive rent.

MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST

PAIRING — Aegon II Targaryen x Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY — Baela takes the group to a costume party where you finally meet a guy that seems decent enough to date. Oh, how wrong you were.

TAGS — cheating, mentions of blood, aegon being... protective(?, cursing, a tiny bit of angst but it's barely there, hints to family issues, mentions of sex, mentions of violence/fighting, sexual tension(?, alcohol consumption, hospitals, mentions of medicines. If something is missing, let me know!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE — this turned out to be longer than i expected, so im sorry for that💀 but at least is a gift to you for taking so much time to update, so please enjoy it!! REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!

WORD COUNT — 7.8k

PREV CHAPTERㅤ|ㅤNEXT CHAPTER

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤenglish is not my first language.

A comfortable silence ruled during breakfast, only being interrupted by the faded voice of the news reporter on the TV across the living room. Aegon was by your side, staring at his phone and enjoying his first morning after a night of sleep; he had changed his work shift after the ‘Ceryse accident’, being too embarrassed to share the same space with her after what happened. 

He still hasn't been able to adapt his body to the new sleeping schedule, and probably that was the reason behind the dark circles around his eyes. You were about to ask him about how he was doing and if he had managed to sleep at least a few hours, but a cell phone started to ring causing all the attention to go towards Baela, who quickly stood up and excused herself before picking up. Four pairs of curious eyes followed her down the hallway until she was out of sight.

“It's been a week,” Aegon suddenly murmured in your direction, picking some of his cereal with the spoon and filling his mouth with it. “If she's gonna live here with us you gotta tell me. I need to be prepared.” 

“She's not gonna live with us.” As you spoke, you involuntarily rolled your eyes at his comment. “She'll kick Garett out of her apartment, she told me she will leave on Monday.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jace suddenly interrupted. 

“She's telling me when her friend will finally leave,” Aegon replied before you could do it. 

“She will leave?” the brunette asked with a saddened tone in his voice, almost sounding disappointed.

“Well, do you expect her to live with us? Fuck no,” The man on your side answered again, and you sighed, tiredly. 

“She's gonna break up with her boyfriend — thank god, and then she'll return to her apartment,” you explained in simple words, not wanting to give extra information. 

“What do you mean by ‘thank god’?” Jace’s deep brown eyes were curiously staring at you. 

“Let's just say I'm happy it's over,” you shrugged. “After everything he'd done…” 

“What had he done?” He questioned again.

“I don't think I should be the one talking about that, Jace,” you cut him off before he made any more questions. “You can talk to her, you know? Ask her what she’s been up to lately… maybe indulge in a conversation like normal people do. Ever since she arrived you've barely spoken to her, what's up with that?” 

“Believe me, I tried,” he sighed, defeated. “But she looks at me and I forget every single word,” he shyly confessed. 

“What’s your thing with her anyway?” Aemond interrupted, finally being part of the conversation after minutes of pure silence.

“He lost his virginity with her,” Aegon suddenly replied before Jace, who gave him a shocked look. 

Your mouth dropped, “You knew?”

“Of course, I knew,” he shrugged. “He asked me for advice.”

“Aegon!” Jace scolded him. “That was between us, it was a secret!”

“Well, not anymore.”

“Gods, how did you manage to do that?” Aemond’s shock was reflected on his face as he turned to see his nephew, whose cheeks were covered with a pink tone. 

“I don’t know…” Jace’s forehead soon was pressed against the table as he groaned, pitying himself. 

“If you did it once then you can do it again!” you said in a failed attempt to give him support. 

“I’m an idiot,” he mumbled.

“On that much, we agree, dear nephew,” Aemond added. 

Aegon scoffed. “Who are you to talk? Ever since Alys dumped you, you haven't even gone partying anymore. You used to be a slut, now you're like a grumpy, old man who suffers from erectile dysfunction or something like that.” 

“Shut up,” his brother muttered, annoyed. “I've been busy. I have a job, you know? A grown man’s job.” 

“Being Rhaenyra’s secretary,” he reminded him, mockingly. “Does she make you wear a tube skirt and glasses while you prepare her coffee?” he teased him. 

“At least she thought I was good enough to give me a job,” he snapped back. One single glance at your side made you realize that it was a hard punch for him; Aegon's jaw tensed. 

“Alright,” you stepped in, giving an awkward look at Jace, who just cleared his throat. “This got out of hand very quickly…” 

The silence that now fell in the room was not quite as comfortable as it was before. Aemond had returned his attention to his breakfast oatmeal, while Aegon started to tap his fingers around the half-empty bowl of cereal. Jace was already used to these little fights between them, and he had warned you about them - telling you that Aemond would usually be the one who says the last word. You felt a tightness in your chest when you noticed how Aegon was bouncing his leg, anxiously. 

A few seconds later, Baela returned to the dining room with a mischievous smile drawn on her face. You were grateful because now the awkwardness that had arrived in the room quickly faded away once her presence was acknowledged by everyone. 

“We've been invited to a costume party!” Baela announced, excitedly. You tried to match her emotion but failed. “We have to go. It'll be fun! You'll finally get a break from all those papers you're forced to read…” 

“When is it?” you asked. 

“Today, at 10 pm.” 

“Today?! Are you kidding? Where are we supposed to find costumes?” 

“Babe, it's 11 am on a Saturday, we can go around downtown and find something to rent,” she proposed, sitting back in the chair at the head of the table. “Come on! The guys can come too if they want!”

“Yes-”

“-No” 

Jace and Aegon shared a bad look after they spoke at the same time. Almost involuntarily, you turned to glance at the eldest while his nephew seemed to be sending daggers in his direction; he didn't care. 

“Why don't you want to go?” you asked. 

“Because I don't want to,” he simply responded. “Besides, my shift now ends at 9 pm, which means I'd have like an hour to change and do all that crap. Also, I don't have a costume, so fuck it.” 

“It's free booze, Aegon,” Jace added, in a desperate attempt to make him say yes. “You love free alcohol!” 

“No way,” he said as he shook his head. “I won't go.” 

“I will go,” Aemond entered the conversation once again. 

“Wow. You're finally taking off that stick on your ass, huh?” Aegon jested. 

“Don’t be a bummer, Aegon,” his brother quickly replied, rolling his eye. 

Aegon scoffed, “I can’t believe you’re the one saying that to me…”

“You’re the only one who doesn’t want to go,” you pointed out, interrupting the discussion before it got worse. 

“Yeah, and for a good reason.”

“Which is…?”

“I hate costumes.”

“Well, if Aegon doesn’t want to go, then he can stay here,” Baela interrupted while rolling her eyes, a bit annoyed. “Don’t force him.”

“Finally something coherent came out of your mouth. Thank you, Bella!” Aegon said. 

“Oh, gods, shut up,” she mumbled. 

You sighed defeated as everyone returned their attention to their food, because –for some reason– you wanted him there with you. You wanted to spend a moment with him again, like the one you had in your room just a few days ago. It was probably nothing, or maybe the desperate need to know more of him. However, after the three months you've been living with him, you came to realize that he was extremely stubborn, and it was nearly impossible to convince him to do something he didn't want to do. You just let it go. 

Another time will come, you said to yourself. 

As they started to finish their breakfast, everyone stood up from the table and went to their rooms to start planning their last-minute costumes for the party. You, instead, decided to stay there a bit longer, being Aegon's company as he was finishing his second portion of cereal. 

“You can go if you want, it's my turn to wash the dishes anyway,” he spoke with his mouth full. You softly chuckled to see how strangely cute he looked like that. 

“Nah, it’s fine,” you shrugged. “I have nothing to do and I guess there's gonna be a long waiting list for the shower, so…” There was a small pause before you spoke again. “Are you okay?” 

He frowned at you, “what?” 

“It's just- I saw how you reacted when Aemond said that thing about your sister,” you shrugged. “I just want to make sure you're okay after that. It was a bit mean.” 

“Fuck him, I don't care what he says. I learned to not listen to that stupid shit,” he mumbles. 

“But why-” 

“What are you going to wear?” he suddenly asked, interrupting you. You pressed your lips in a thin line, knowing that he asked the question so he would have a way out from the prior conversation - you didn't push it any further. 

“I don't know. Guess I'll have to see the options. Any recommendations?”

He stopped for a second, pretending to be thinking. “Maybe Barney, it fits with your sex appeal.”

Before you allowed yourself to laugh at his teasing, your hand fell on his arm, playfully smacking his pale skin. He chuckled, jokingly complaining about it. You rolled your eyes. 

“I was joking,” he said while trying to hide his smile. “I was actually thinking about Baby Bop because-”

“Alright, bye.” You stood up, picking your dirty dishes and taking them to the sink. “Remember to wash the dishes.” You reminded him, hiding the smile on your face from him. 

“I will, Baby Bop,” he joked again.

“Shut up!”

Part of you felt slightly ridiculous with the costume you were wearing. Dorothy's dress was the only one that was available in your size, and in such a hurry you didn't have time to keep lurking in other places for a better option. It was done, and while Baela looked absolutely gorgeous in her Catwoman bodysuit, you were there, looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling embarrassed. 

While everyone was waiting for you - ready to go, you took one last glance at your sparkling, red shoes before taking a deep breath and walking out of your bedroom. Your steps were slow and doubtful - too self-conscious to feel confident in your outfit. 

Once you arrived in the next room, you saw Jace dressed like a prince with a golden, plastic crown lying on top of his curls. What you didn't expect was to see Aegon there. Wearing a costume too.

It was a big surprise to see him sitting on the couch dressed as the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz - you couldn't help but smile at the coincidence; both of you involuntarily wearing matching outfits. His eyes, however, lacked any happiness - looking as if someone had forced him to wear such ridiculous clothing; bored and pissed. Seeing him like that made you feel less self-conscious about your own clothes. You were relieved. 

Aegon's eyes fell upon your frame, and you felt something inside your gut that brought a subtle heat to your cheeks. You were playing nervously with the hem of your dress as he unconsciously smiled at you. For whatever reason, that gesture made your knees weak. 

“Oh my! How cute you look!” Baela interrupted the moment, approaching you with quick steps. When she reached your side, she grabbed your hand and forced you to twirl around, showing off your costume and making you giggle nervously. “And look at that- what a coincidence! you're matching with Aegon..” Her tone was easily recognizable; playful and humorous. 

“It's the only one they had in the store for less than fifty golden dragons,” Aegon muttered. He stood up from the couch, walking closer to you. 

He stared at you, up and down. There was nothing on his face that could show you what he was thinking at the moment - it was almost a blank stare. You thought he was about to make a quick remark mocking your choice of clothes, but instead, he just nodded and in a soft, but shy, tone he said: “You look really pretty.” 

A smile was drawn on your lips. “Thank you,” you mumbled. 

“A Baby Bop costume would've fit better, but I guess Dorothy is also a good option.” You laughed at his words, and he laughed too.

“So you're going, huh? Who convinced you?”

“Let’s just say that Jacaerys really wants me there,” he breathed out, using that same unbothered tone as always. “He's desperate to have your friend back.” 

“He definitely is,” you nodded in agreement. “Well, it'll be nice to have your company tonight.”

The moment was interrupted once Aemond joined the group. He was wearing his eyepatch, a loose, white shirt and some tight, leather pants. The strong smell of his cologne invaded the place, his hair was as shiny as usual and he was smearing some kind of cream all over his hands. “Are we ready to go?” He asked. 

“What are you supposed to be?” Jace stepped in.

Aemond looked down at his outfit. “I’m a pirate” he said, as if it was blatantly obvious.

“It’s not a costume if you use it every day, Aemond,” Aegon mocked him. “It’s just clothes.”

“Shut up,” his younger brother grunted. “At least I don't look like a pile of straw.” 

“Oh Gods!” You interrupted, exasperated with the two of them.  “You two are literally kids. Just shut up and let’s get going.”

The room fell into silence while you went to pick up your car keys and your bag. A single gesture from you and they started to walk in a line out of the loft. Once everyone was out, you made sure everything was locked.

“I ask for the passenger seat,” Aegon said behind your back.

“Fuck off, that’s my seat,” Baela argued. 

It was going to be one hell of a night. 

Aegon complained the whole way there - he had lost in a match of rock, paper scissors against Baela which led him to be seated in the backseat between Aemond and Jace. Baela's mockery did not help to calm him down. 

Once you arrived, you parked in the street and immediately saw the enormous house; it was overly packed. Whoever invited Baela to the party must have a pocket filled with cash - it was a modern house, surrounded by huge windows that had you wondering where was the privacy of that house, and how could anyone be able to afford such a mansion in today's economy? 

The group walked up the stairs towards the big entrance, already smelling the weed and cigarette smoke that invaded the whole place. The front yard was a mess - the green grass was covered with red plastic cups and empty beer bottles. Aegon groaned by your side as he noticed this thing, and when he realized that the situation inside the house didn't get better he cursed under his breath. 

“I'm gonna go and find something to drink,” Baela announced. 

“Let me go with you,” Jace said, loudly enough so she would hear. 

Baela smiled, grabbed his hand and took him with her until they were out of your sight. 

“I think I'm gonna go to the backyard,” Aemond said, looking slightly disgusted. “There's too many sweaty people here.” 

Before either of you could stop him, he left you both right in the middle of the party. You turned around, looking at Aegon with a smile, but he only frowned - you could tell by the look of his eyes that he was judging everything and everyone, already regretting the past decisions that led him to that awful place. 

“I can't believe Jace convinced me to come to this shit hole,” he grunted. “I could've stayed at home.” 

“We're already here. Try to enjoy it!” 

“It’s hard to enjoy this when they’re playing music as shitty as this! And what is that smell? What kind of weed do these people smoke?”

“Just try to have a good time!” You cheered him up, but his face remained serious. “Come on! This is fun!”

You tried to change his mind by dancing around, occasionally grabbing his hands to force him to dance with you, yet he remained stiff as wood - his frown grew even more pronounced. He scanned the room around him, ignoring your desperate attempts to change his mind. Suddenly you noticed how he leaned closer to you, raising his voice so you would hear him through the loud music.

“Do you even know these people?” 

His question made you stop and sigh in defeat. Gods, he was impossible. 

“Look, Aegon,” you said loudly. “If you want to leave, then that’s fine. But you’ll have to call and pay for an Uber because I drove us here and I won’t drive you back to the apartment now.” 

“I didn’t even want to be-”

“Just do as you please, Aeg. I’ll go and find the guys.” Those last words reflected your disappointment, and Aegon noticed it.

He saw how you turned around and walked away; he called your name before you disappeared, but you were too far to hear him calling for you. Aegon cursed himself for upsetting you, brushing his hands against his face and accidentally poking his soft cheeks with the fake straw on his sleeves. That goddamned costume made him feel ridiculous, and even when there were other ones available —contrary to what he'd said earlier— he stupidly chose the one that was the least comfortable. Having you by his side would actually make him feel less of a clown due to the matching costumes, but now that you had left him alone he felt slightly embarrassed of himself. 

Knowing that he was on his own in a sea of unknown people, Aegon decided to approach the bar, asking for a shot of tequila and drinking it before the barman arrived with the lemons and the salt - his throat burned with the liquor and he hissed. He would start looking around, unconsciously searching for your face in the crowd, trying to keep himself busy so he wouldn't feel the anxiety growing in his chest. 

Unable to stay in the same place for too much time, he began to wander around the house, still looking for you. Maybe if he hadn't been such a pain in the ass you would've stayed by his side - but he was well known for always fucking things up. 

Walking around the party, occasionally being pushed by the people who were too busy dancing to even care, he found the food tables; he ate a few things there, a few chips and some unsalted peanuts that he swallowed with disgust. As he went to search for something more tasteful to eat, he suddenly saw you talking to a tall, bulky guy who was making you giggle as if you were a teenager. Aegon stood there for a while, observing your behaviour and reading your expressions; you were flirting - looking up at him through your lashes, licking your lips and playing with the glass between your hands. Since when you were that good at talking to guys? 

Aegon was proud. Last time he saw your poor attempt to flirt, Aemond's wheels got stolen and you said that these things weren't your style - yet there you are, more confident than ever and ready to put yourself out there again. He was happy for you, but after a while of giving glances in your direction, he started to feel some odd feeling installed in his gut; it was as if he didn't want to see any more of that, yet he felt the need to do it regardless - and it only became worse once the guy grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him. 

He took a deep breath, and soon his legs started to guide him away from you. 

When he came across Jacaerys and Baela, they were standing in a corner talking about something he didn't really care about. Some part of him, however, found some relief when he finally saw two known faces amidst the enormous crowd of people that was already starting to overwhelm him. He tried to walk closer to them, but as soon as Jace saw him he gave him a sign so he would walk away. Aegon looked - and was - offended by this gesture; then why the fuck he wanted him there? He asked himself, getting pissed and angry at everything at this point, longing to be in the comforts of his bed. 

Eventually, his legs led him towards an empty spot on a coach, and he sat there - bored and desperately wanting to escape. If he'd had ten golden dragons, he would've called an Uber the minute you left him alone in this jungle, but his pockets were empty, and he was too lazy to even think about walking back home. So, he stayed there, with his head leaning back against the couch and staring at a white spot in the tall ceilings. 

He didn't know how much time passed before you returned by his side.

“Aeg, have you seen Baela?” Hearing your voice was enough to interrupt his blank thoughts. He lifted his face and saw you standing there; your lipstick was ruined and smeared all over your mouth - he clenched his jaw. It was obvious that you had a quite steamy make-out session with that random guy from before. “I only found Aemond talking to a girl, but he didn't know where she was.”

“She was with Jace the last time I saw her,” he replied before awkwardly pointing at your face. “Uh….your lipstick is…”

Your eyes widened with embarrassment while a heat ran to your cheeks. A shy smile appeared on your face as you looked away from him - your fingertips went to the corner of your lips, trying to fix the mess even though it was a bit hard to know if it was working when you didn't have a mirror with you. 

“I met a guy,” you told him, slightly excited. 

“I could tell,” he nodded. There was a small silence before he continued. “I thought you weren't into that.” 

“Into what?” 

“One night stands.” 

You chuckled, nervously. “Aegon, I'm just having some fun-”

“That's fine,” he cut you off, getting up from the couch and standing right in front of you. “Just remember to use a condom.” 

“Oh, no, Aeg. I won't-” 

“I don't care,” he stopped you again - not wanting to hear more about the topic. But then, he stopped for a second, looking down at your lips a bit longer than he should have, and you suddenly felt exposed to him. He licked his lips before he pressed them in a thin line, and he mumbled, “You made a bigger mess there, you dumbass.” 

Unexpectedly, he raised his hands and placed them at each side of your face, holding you still. You felt how your heart skipped a beat when his calloused hands touched your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Your lips parted as he leaned forward and started to boldly touch the corners of your mouth with his fingertips, wiping any trace of lipstick that was out of place. You found yourself unable to look away from his furrowed eyebrows as he was too concentrated on what he was doing. You blinked a few times, taken aback by his gesture - so odd and weird coming from him.

The darkness of the room was briefly interrupted by colourful circles that danced around the room - for that same reason he leaned even closer to have a better look, and for a second - a brief moment - you thought he would kiss you. Inevitably, you thought about what Baela had said to you and, perhaps, you believed it. 

What. the. fuck.

That small interaction lasted just a few seconds. Just that. Yet, his touch lingered in your skin even when he'd taken a step away from you. Aegon looked unaffected by everything - as if he hadn't just provoked an earthquake inside your mind; the look on his face was the usual one: uninterested and bored. Then, with his raspy voice, he muttered: “Shit, I gotta take a piss.” And he just left you there. 

You watched him leave as you remained standing still, bewildered by what had just happened and questioning what was all about. Did he feel the same weird thing you felt? Did he even know the effect he had on you? Why would you even react that way in the first place? Aegon was just your friend, and you were certain that he saw you —barely— as a friend too; especially after he just walked away as if nothing happened at all. But of course, you didn't see the panic on his face as he cursed himself over and over again - asking why the hell would he do such a foolish thing. He suddenly felt overwhelmed, still feeling the softness of your skin itching in his fingertips and desperately wanting to get rid of it - he would scratch them against the fake straw of his costume, but it would not disappear. Aegon was overthinking - punishing himself for doing a stupid thing like that. 

What was he even thinking? He would do that kind of thing with the girls he wanted to fuck, not with you. 

The bathroom, of course, was a very obvious excuse to run away from that mortifying moment that would probably haunt him forever, but he now felt the urge to wash his face and slap his cheek to properly function again. What a fucking idiot, he thought of himself.

People were queuing for the bathroom. Three guys were standing before him as he leaned against the wall, softly hitting his forehead with it. He felt the need to drink another shot of tequila to cope, and suddenly the idea of walking back home did not sound too far-fetched. It was rather tempting, actually. 

When the line moved forward, Aegon finally looked in front of him. A familiar guy was standing before him, tall and bulky, speaking on the phone with someone. He was smiling - laughing even, and Aegon couldn't figure out where he'd seen him before. Noisy as always, he paid attention to the conversation - maybe that would make him forget all about the awkward situation from before. 

“... It's been a bit boring, honestly,” Aegon heard, sneakily looking at him. “I would've rather stayed at home with you, but you know how insistent Marcus is.” 

Aegon narrowed his lilac eyes, paying more attention to his features… and that's when it snapped. His mouth dropped open, and he immediately looked away; this was the bastard that ruined your lipstick, and he got a fucking girlfriend. 

“Yeah, I miss you too, baby. I'll be home soon, okay?... Love you too. Bye.”

The guy hung up the phone and as he removed it from his ear, Aegon was able to see his lock screen; two people kissing - confirming that he, in fact, was not available at all. The worst thing about it all is that you didn't know anything about it. 

Usually, Aegon would ignore something like this, playing dumb and just letting it go. But this time it was different, for he felt the urge to run to your side and tell you - he knew he had to. It was as if some protective side of him had come out to the light, and all because of you. Aegon cared about you, but instead of admitting such an embarrassing thing, he excused it by saying to himself that he was doing it just so you would go back home and take him with you; so he left the line and went back to find you once again. 

The people seemed to have multiplied themselves in those five minutes that he spent queuing for the bathroom, and it was even more impossible now to find you there. He pushed people around trying to get to you, but you were nowhere to be found. Luckily for him, he found Baela and Jace again, now they were next to the bar and looking a bit tipsy; Baela was getting handsy, but Aegon had no shame in interrupting their moment.

“Have you guys seen y/n?” He asked once he reached their side. He could hear Jace grunting on the low - he didn't care. 

“I thought she was with you,” Baela replied. 

“No, she was with some random guy making out, and-” 

“Then why are you looking for her?” She asked, arching one of her eyebrows, suspiciously staring at him. 

“Because the guy has a fucking girlfriend,” Aegon explained. “I heard him talking on the phone when I was in the line for the bathroom. She needs to know.”

“Wait,” Jace said, suddenly interrupting the conversation. “You walked through the crowd only to look for her?” 

“Yes.” 

“Only to tell her that the guy she's making out with is dating someone?” 

Aegon scoffed. “That's exactly what I just said,” he replied, annoyed. “Aren't you even listening?”

“Are you feeling well?” Jace asked as he attempted to touch his forehead. Aegon slapped his hand. 

“Don't fucking touch me,” he grunted. 

“We haven't seen her since we arrived,” Baela said, “Aemond is also missing, we have no idea where he is.” 

“Fuck,” Aegon sighed. “Thank you for nothing.” 

He turned around to keep on his search, but Baela stopped him. 

“Aegon!” She yelled his name, and he looked at her over his shoulder. “We're gonna look for her as well, let us know if you find her first.” 

He nodded, drifting away from them and following a group of people that was going towards the backyard. Standing right next to the exit, he quickly scanned the scenery, looking at the floor and trying to find your sparkling, red shoes without success. He was starting to lose his patience. 

That's when Aemond suddenly appeared by his side, placing his arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer to him. Aegon tried to push him away, but only then did he notice that his little brother was drunk. Well, well, what a surprise, he thought - he would have enjoyed this if it wasn't for his eagerness to find you. 

“My big brother,” Aemond said, dragging his words. “There you are…” 

“Have you seen y/n?” He asked him, even when he knew he wasn't going to give him a proper answer. He had to try. 

“Oh, I won't tell,” the youngest said while giggling. “We have a deal, we made a pact- you can't fuck her.”

Aegon pushed him away, this time successfully. He tried so hard to ignore the heat on his cheeks. What was wrong with him? 

“I won't- I won't fuck her, you stupid ass,” he mumbled. “I'm trying to find her and I don't know where she-”

“Aegon, I'm sorry,” he suddenly interrupted, his tone quickly changing to melancholic. “Sometimes I'm a bit bitter with you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you, you know?” 

“What the-” 

“At the end of the day it's just us,” he sighed, shrugging. “Helaena and Daeron have always been a group apart from us, but we? We are always gonna have each other, am I right?”

“What fuck were you drinking?” 

“Sometimes I wish you were my boss instead of Nyra…” Aegon's demeanour immediately changed with those words, tensing his body and clenching his jaw. “But you know… that grandpa shit happened and-” 

“Aegon!” 

Baela's voice stopped Aemond from continuing with his ranting, and Aegon's attention immediately went towards her. She was inside the house, waving her hand at him - asking him to come closer. He grabbed his brother's arm and took him with him towards the inside, and once he reached Baela's side, he saw you there; kissing that guy in a corner, his hands grabbing your waist as your arms were around his shoulders. Aegon felt an inexplicable rage running through his veins - which gave him the courage to do the next thing. 

“Hey!” he yelled, a bit too loud - calling the attention of everyone around. “Hey, stay away from her!” 

You heard his voice on top of the music and immediately pulled away from the kiss. He was getting closer to you and you widened your eyes in surprise. He didn't think twice before he pulled your wrist towards him until you were standing by his side. 

“Aegon? What- what are you doing?” you asked, visibly confused. 

“He's lying to you,” he told you without overthinking it. “He's lying!” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Hey, man,” the guy stepped in, angry. “Why don't you mind your fucking business and get the hell out?” he snapped at Aegon. 

He barely listened to him, not paying attention to his tone or his words. He was looking at you - his puppy eyes begging you to hear what he had to say. 

“Aeg, what's going on?” you asked again, your voice loud so he could hear you over the music. 

“He has a girlfriend,” he quickly said, looking right into your eyes. “I heard him talking to her.” 

The realization hit you like a truck, and suddenly you felt ashamed of yourself - even when it wasn't even your fault. The guilt started to eat you alive as you looked down at your shoes, avoiding any eye contact from Aegon. “Oh, gods…” you mumbled, covering your face with your hands. 

Something came over Aegon when he saw you like that, feeling the urge to hug you - yet, he stayed there, without moving at all. 

“Oh, come on, babe!” The guy said, getting closer to you and giving a bad look to Aegon. “Don't listen to him.” 

Your shame quickly became rage when he uttered that pet name; who the fuck did he think he was? You turned to look at him, anger clearly displayed on your face. 

“Don't call me that,” you spat at him and pushed him away when he tried to reach for your waist. “And stay away from me, you asshole!” 

The music suddenly stopped, and every single person had their eyes on the argument - noisy people trying to hear and see inside the small circle that had formed around you. The tall man looked offended as if you had punched his ego when you rejected him. He scoffed and took a step closer to you. 

“Oh, so now you're talking like that, huh?” he mockingly said. “Funny how a second ago you were almost acting like a-” 

“Like what?” Aegon grunted, clenching his fist as he stepped between you and him. He was taller than Aegon, yet he didn't show himself intimidated by it. “Go on… say it,” he dared him. 

The guy tsked his tongue, smirking maliciously - as if he knew he would cause trouble if he dared to utter those words. Still, with all the people staring at him expectantly, he decided to open his mouth. 

“Like a slut.”

You heard how your friend scoffed at your side. Then, you heard the people around you gasping and squealing when they saw how Aegon threw a perfect punch right in the middle of his face. He lost his balance, covering his nose with his hand as he looked absolutely shocked - he certainly didn't expect that. The blood didn't take much time to start to come out, and his Michael Myers costume was soon stained with crimson drops. 

“Fucking shit!” Aegon exclaimed, feeling the pain burning in his knuckles. 

The guy - whose name you didn't remember at this point, stood straight in his spot, still stumbling around as he threw himself in Aegon's direction; he managed to get out of the way before his fist could hit him, yet a scream and soft stump was heard on your back. Once you turned around, you saw Jace lying on the floor with his nose bleeding and Baela covering her mouth. 

“Ah, fuck…” Aegon groaned. “Nyra’s gonna kill me.” 

Aemond groaned as he laid his head on your shoulder, the alcohol had slowly been fading away from his body, and he was already feeling the symptoms of a painful hungover as you all were waiting in the ER for Jace. 

“Stop whining,” Aegon complained, pressing a cold can of Pepsi on his hand to relieve the swelling. “You drank two bottles of beer, how could you get that drunk?” 

“Every single word that comes from your mouth feels like a needle being buried in my brain,” he groaned.

“Alright,” Baela interrupted the conversation. “Let's go, Aemond.” 

“Where?” 

“I'm gonna buy you a Gatorade or something like that, you need to be hydrated,” she explained. “Come on.” 

Aemond groaned when he was forced to stand up, slowly moving until he was on his feet again. Baela patted his back a few times before they started to walk away - and when they turned around the corner, it was only you and Aegon there. He was absentmindedly staring at the soda can pressing against his hand while you glanced at him and involuntarily smiled. 

What he did that night was one of the sweetest things someone has ever done for you - something that not even Jason did during all the time you were dating. Aegon didn't even doubt for a second before punching that guy after he insulted you, and for some reason, that would draw a silly smile on your face. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you interrupted the silence, shyly speaking to him. 

He lifted his head, looking at you. “Why?” 

“You had my back, Aegon. What you did was- If it wasn't for you I would've probably ended up in bed with that guy,” you confessed. 

Aegon felt something being twisted in his stomach. 

“Well, it was the right thing to do, right?” 

You nod, “it is, yes…” 

“Are you okay?” he asked after a few seconds of silence. 

“Yeah, I am,” you assured him. “He was some random guy, I don't even remember his name at this point.”

“I know, but- you know… he's a cheater and I thought this situation would remind you to- uh…” 

“Jason?” you finished the sentence for him, and he nodded. “Well, it kinda did - but I'm fine, Jason happened like ages ago. Though I can't help but think about his girlfriend, she doesn't deserve something like that.” 

“Yeah…” 

“Have you ever… been cheated on?” you dared to ask. 

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I don't think I've ever been in a serious relationship before.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” 

“I don't believe you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you're not ugly, and you have a personality that girls in college would fawn over.”

“Oh, shut up,” he mumbled, slightly flustered. 

“I mean it!” 

“Well, besides a few flings, weird situationships and a few friends with benefits, I've never been in a relationship. It's just not my style.”

The door that separated the waiting room from the ER opened, and a young doctor appeared. He was tall, brown-haired and had visible dark circles around his grey, tired eyes, yet he still looked handsome. You looked at him at the same time he laid his eyes on you, and you felt butterflies in your belly, already knowing you developed a small crush on him. Not again, you thought.

“Family of Jacaerys Strong?” He said, getting closer to you and Aegon, being the only ones there. 

“Come on,” you urged Aegon to get up. 

“Why do I have to go?” 

“Because you're his uncle, now stand up!” 

He reluctantly got on his feet, standing behind you until the doctor reached your side. 

“Are you Jacaerys' family?” He asked, sneakily glancing at you. 

“Uh, yes… he's his uncle,” you replied, pointing at Aegon. 

“And you?” 

“Me? Oh, I'm- I'm his sister,” you said, trying to sound convincing but failing miserably. 

The intern - whose name tag read Cregan Stark - looked up and down at you, not believing your words at all. However, he just smiled and played along with your little white lie. 

“Alright, so…” he opened the file that was between his hands and sighed. “Jacaerys had a small concussion, we took a CT scan and everything else seems to be in order. His nose is not broken, but it's bruised and swollen, so we gave him some soft painkillers to relieve the pain.” 

“When can we take him home?” you asked. 

“In a few hours, just until the medication makes its effect and we are sure there are no further complications,” he explained. Then, he glanced at Aegon's hand, frowning. “Do you want me to take a look at that?” 

“Nah, it's fine,” he answered. “I don't want to be charged like five thousand golden dragons just to know that my hand is swollen.”

“Alright,” Doctor Stark replied, unfazed by Aegon's rudeness. 

“I'm sorry,” you apologized on his behalf - he rolled his eyes. “We had a long night.” 

“It's okay,” he assured you, smiling at you. Damn, he was cute. “If there are not any more questions then I shall leave you for now.” 

“Of course, thank you,” you said. 

He replied with a small gesture before returning to where he came from, crossing the doors and disappearing from your eyesight. You sighed, thinking he was so dreamy. 

“What an idiot,” you heard Aegon murmur before he sat back on the chair, interrupting your thoughts.

“He was nice.” 

“Of course you thought that. He was flirting with you!” His tone almost sounded offended. 

“No, he wasn't!” 

“What happened?” Baela suddenly appears back at your side. Aemond was right next to her, drinking from his bottle of cool blue Gatorade and looking better than when he left. 

“Jace's doctor was flirting with her,” Aegon quickly replied.  

“He wasn't flirting with me!” 

“Of course he was!” 

“And why do you look so mad about it?” Baela teased him. “Are you jealous or something?” 

Aegon frowned, stopping for a second before snapping at her. “Shut up, Bella, this is not your business.”

“Stop screaming, we're in a hospital,” Aemond muttered, scolding all of you as he sat back down. “Why can you all behave like adults?” 

Everyone sat down in silence after that, minding their own business as the minutes passed boringly slowly. Your head was lying on Baela's shoulder as she watched the news report from the TV hanging on one of the walls. Aemond was half asleep in his seat while Aegon would walk from one side to another, unable to remain in the same place for more than five minutes. The waiting was strenuous, especially when it was almost 3 am and everyone was too tired to keep their eyes open. 

But then, after waiting for almost two hours, Jacaerys opened the door - being followed by the handsome intern that made you sigh. Baela's mouth dropped.

“Oh, gods, is that the flirty doctor?” Baela asked, impressed. 

“He's not that handsome,” Aegon grunted in a low voice. 

“Yes, he is,” she replied with a smirk. 

Jacaerys waved his hands in the air as a greeting, slightly sleeping for the medication. His nose was covered with a big, white patch, and there were two dark, violet stains under his eyes. He hissed when he smiled at Baela. 

“Gods, you look awful,” Aegon chuckled. 

“This is your fault, Aegon!” he replied a bit loudly. 

“Alright, you need to remain calm and not strain yourself, a punch on the nose is a serious thing, so you'll have to rest once you get home,” The doctor indicated. “Here is the medical care to follow, and in case you bleed or have chronic pain you need to come back to the hospital immediately.” 

“Will do, my man,” Jace replied, patting the doctor's back before he went towards Baela. 

“Come here, Prince Jacaerys, we'll take you home now,” Your best friend told him, holding him firmly while walking towards the exit. Aegon and Aemond followed them too.

“Thank you for saving my friend's life…” you playfully said. “Doctor Stark,” you uttered his name as you read the tag hanging from his scrubs.

“I thought he was your brother,” he answered back with a charming smile. 

“Oh… busted,” you admitted before chuckling. “Well, I guess I got to go now, so thank you once again, and-” 

“Is the scarecrow your boyfriend?” he asked out of the blue, taking you by surprise. 

“Uh- no. No, he's a friend,” you nervously replied. 

“Good.”

“Good?” 

“So he won't be mad if I give you my number?” 

Oh gods. 

“No,” you shook your head. “Not at all.”

“Great,” he murmured as he took a pencil from his pocket and some Post-it notes he had with him. “So I'm going to secretly write my number on this little piece of paper, and you'll have to pretend is the name of a medicine so I don't get fired by my super strict supervisor for doing this.” 

He finished writing on it and folded it in half before giving it to you. 

“Breaking the rules, huh?” you teased him. 

“Only for a pretty girl like you.” 

“That's cheesy.” 

“But did it work?” 

You tried to suppress your smile. “It might have.” 

“I have to go back now,” he announced. “But I'll be waiting for your call.” 

He smiled at you - saying goodbye, and you waved your hand at him before you turned around and walked towards your friends, who were waiting for you right outside of the waiting room. Baela was smiling - she watched all from behind the door glass, proud of you. A different gesture than the one Aegon had on his face, almost looking annoyed by it. 

“Are you gonna call him?” Baela asked you once you joined them in the walk towards the parking lot. 

“I don't know…” 

“I honestly didn't like him very much,” Aegon commented. Baela lifted one of his eyebrows at him. 

“You didn't even speak to him,” you said between chuckles, not taking him seriously. 

He shrugged, “still.” 

You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face as you continued to walk with Baela - Aegon staying a few meters behind, standing in the middle of the hallway with his heart beating faster. That smile you gave him before you left remained printed on his mind, and once he got to hear you laugh in the distance, his eyes widened with the realization.

His sudden rage, the feeling in his gut when he saw you kissing that guy at the party, the urge to look for you all the time, how offended he felt when that intern was flirting with you -  it all had one reason behind. 

“Oh, shit,” he mumbled as chills ran down his body. 

He had a crush on you.

BOLD MEANS I COULDN'T TAG YOU.

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[hoseokslefteyebrow]

002

Pairing : Miguel O' Hara X Reader

Genre : fluff, tiniest twinge of angst

Summary : Miguel's not very happy when he finds out you've walked home by yourself last night(morning)?

Wordcount: 1.3k

[ A/N: Here's pt.2 : D. I've decided I'm making this a little connected one shots book.]

Miguel O'Hara Masterlist

" You didn't text me when you got home last night." Miguel suddenly spoke, breaking the comfortable silence that was between the two of you.

Yesterday, you had been taking care of him as he was sick, pampering him a little extra because he deserves it. The two of you had eventually fallen asleep, with you waking up around 3 in the morning and heading back home.

You look up from where you're seated on his desk chair, having been busy playing Good Pizza, Great Pizza on your phone. His back is turned to you, eyes focused on the different screens showcasing the Spiderverse and whatever else.

" Oh, uh, yeah. I must've forgotten. I was so tired, my head went straight for my pillow once I got home." You shrug.

He hums in understanding, although he's a little curious. Who dropped you off last night? He's made it very clear before that he doesn't want you to walk home by yourself at the ungodly hours, no matter how short the walk to your house is. You're the last person he has in his universe (and outside of it, for that matter.) The only person who knows him better than anyone. He'd be damned if something were to happen to you. The thought of it already sets him on edge.

" Who brought you home?"

" Oh, uh, I did-"

" What?" Now he turns to look at you, a displeased look in his eyes.

" What? Everyone was asleep." You shrug.

You turn to look at your phone again, wanting to avoid the look in his eyes. He whisks the device from your grip as you do so, setting it aside on his desk. It's still whitin your reach. When you look up at him again, he's got his arms crossed, a strict look his face.

" I hope you know that I would've thrown whatever's in my reach if you were any of the other spiders. " He points out.

You roll your eyes.

" What, you give them bedtimes too? I can take care of myself. You've taught me enough self defense by now. I know how to handle myself." You huff.

He's aware how you dislike with how careful he's often being.

" I know you can, but you also know why I'm so careful with you. Just wake me up next time you're leaving early in the morning."

" While you're sick? No. Besides, you're barely resting as it is, I'm not waking you the rare times you're asleep." You point out.

You get up from his desk chair, stepping closer to him as you unfold his arms, taking one of his hands in yours.

" Stop worrying about me so much. I'm fine. Take a little more care of yourself maybe though. For me?" You ask him.

He sighs, eyes showcasing emotions he usually hides.

" Just stay over if you don't want to wake me up. We fall asleep together anyway, We can wake up together too."

He's not looking you in the eyes as he speaks, eyes on your joined hands, admiring the size difference. You're not looking at his face either, understanding how he feels. He's glad you're not looking at him, his cheeks having gotten the faintest of pink. It scares him how much he likes the idea of waking up with you.

" I guess we can do that. If it makes you feel better." You hum.

A flash of surprise passes through his eyes, but it's not caught by you. It's not everyday your crush says yes.

However, your sweet moment is broken up when the sound of the door is heard, and so Miguel steps away from you. You give him a small smile before picking up your phone again.

" Oh, Hey Y/N. Since when are you here?" Jessica asks as she steps in the room.

" Uhh, a while? No idea. Speaking of time, I gotta go. My shift starts soon." You say, suddenly realizing the time.

Miguel wordlessly lets the platform go down, but you don't have the patience to deal with that.

" Don't jum-" He sighs as you do so anyway, landing with a loud slam on your knees.

This isn't the first time you've done this, and most probably not the last.

" I don't have the patience for that wacky thing. Anyway, see you around. Maybe I'll be back later, maybe not. Bye!" You tell him with a smile, turning to the exit.

You greet Jessica on your way out, giving her a quick hug before finally leaving.

Jessica looks after your form as you leave, before turning to Miguel with a knowing smile. Miguel ignores the look in her face, instead getting straight down to business.

" How'd it go?" He asks her.

" Well, the anomaly is caught. He's stuck with the other anomalies downstairs. " She tells him.

He nods, turning around to face the screen again.

" Good." 

She knows it's his way if dismissing her.

" Soo, you and Y/N?" She asks suddenly.

Miguel doesn't even glance at her as he responds.

" What about it?" 

" Your feelings for her are pretty obvious. You should ask her out." She suggests.

He glances at her with a sigh.

" Not obvious enough for her to notice." He murmurs in response.

She still heard it either way.

" That's only because she's in love with you too. You should ask her out. She's a lovely woman." 

" No. I can't treat her the way she deserves. She deserves better than me." 

" Maybe. But I doubt she wants anyone else. Just think about it a little more. Y/N is sweet, if you don't make up your mind soon, there's a good chance someone else will ask her eventually. " She points out.

" Yeah, well, we'll see about that." 

He's aware he's close with you. Too close. No one would appreciate having a girlfriend who's got a best friend who's constantly at her heel.

The sound of the door opening suddenly sounds again, and you suddenly come running back in.

" Hey, sorry, forgot my jacket." You puff out.

Miguel turns to you right away. He glances at his desk chair, where your jacket is indeed still hanging on it's back. He picks it up wordlessly to throw it at you. 

You catch it.

" Thanks!" You call again, before leaving.

A teeny tiny smile graces his lips at your behavior. God, he's smitten for you.

" How do the youngsters refer to you again? I think it was whipped. You are 'whipped' Miguel." Jessica smiles.

Miguel barely huffs at her, instead turning around and pushing a button for the platform to go up again.

" Sure. Do you have something better to do or should I see if there's something to do for you here in the building?" He suggests as he goes up.

" No, I'm good. Say hi to Y/N when she comes back in a few hours." She laughs as she heads out.

Miguel shakes his head, putting it in his hands for a moment before finishing back on the task at hand.

' My feelings aren't obvious.'

003

Taglist;

@adamsloverboy

[skynapple]

Spoilers for Xavier: 21 Days!

It's been a while folks but I'm back with the essays.

Mentions: spoilers for Xavier's completed myth and anecdotes as well. Read at your own risk below!!

I. Initial Thoughts

FIRST OF ALL

akskdkjshHhwhLWKJEKWH;ksjdSg;kdhdga

NEXT OF ALL

This card is so beautifully written for so many reasons. I am literally,,, going insane already.

YOOOOOOOOO OK SO LIKE

A. Xavier has been holding back a long time

It's so clear Xavier has been holding back, holding on for SO long. But he's also?? So freaking scared.

BUT THIS RIGHT HERE.

He holds soooo much for that girl who died in his arms; that girl who loved him so much and it was too late before he realized. And now he knows deeply that the roles feel reversed and he's terrified.

B. Contrary to Popular Belief; MC Has A Right To Be A Lil Confused

I don't think they show enough that MC still does fear losing him, and it's so obvious she's so curious about him, and wants to feel closer, but she DOES feel that wall he's built to protect his identity.

I groan a lot at how flippant and distant MC is, almost seemingly constantly rejecting Xavier's affection.

But Idk if you had a coworker who was scarily good at his job, also militant, gone for god knows how long, who knows where, and then was weirdly affectionate but then when you ask him like idk what his favorite color is he gets all "that's classified" which ok hasn't actually happened but it FEELS like it has.

He's always misdirecting anything super deep with her so yeah it goes without saying but she has every right to think that maybe he's trying to keep things professional so why wouldn't she always want to keep things professional even if she wants more?

But now he's actually being really honest. He's telling her things he's held on to for centuries (not that she knows that LOL) and you can literally see the relief in his eyes (and major props to the VA for conveying this cause my godddd it literally sounds like Xavier is TREMBLING??). And she still feels the need to clarify, hey is this real or are you lost in the moment?

Because honestly, I do feel MC does want this and has for so long. Her little "sneaky kiss" was her way of trying to say that like, what took you so long? and yes, because she does want it, she needs to be sure that he's being for real.

And props for Xavier for not wanting a three-peat of what happened with her past versions and all the miscommunication. He's done with that. He's putting his foot down to get what he wants.

C. Xavier Finally Being Honest With Himself

And for a former prince who literally gave up everything for her, he has never once allowed himself to convey just how deeply he does want her, and how much he really actually needs her and wants this with her.

I gotta hand it to @rose-tinted-kalopsia for saying this, too, cause like, this really is him accepting the whole of the past, and all of him, and saying like, "no, it's been like this all along, and I'm done hiding from the past versions, screw that, screw this, I'm getting my happy ending with you."

Cause for all of his sneaking in bits of lore (i freaking died!)

I KNOW IT'S A JAB AT HER PAST SELF I JUST KNOW IT. YOU JUST KNOW HE TENSED A LITTLE BIT AT THE ELOPE LINE.

THAT ARGUMENT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME.

They didn't elope because of communication issues!

He did leave and break ties with his family and she couldn't possibly know or remember that (It literally slips out and is not part of the script and you know he feels guilty about it but even that feeling and maybe mixed emotions - not anger but idk maybe a lot of THICK mixed emotions about it; none of which are regret! but STILL) like he has never been able to say it out loud and he does, he DOES. He FINALLY DOES.

So now there's a lot of the table.

D. The Spilled Cherries But It's Not What You Think

It's messy, my god how could it not be. Even the spilled cherries is like.... it's more of like "this is a mess, we're a mess, this relationship is all over the place" and the bowl gets knocked over, cause this whole situation has really literally tipped their bowl over. It's all out on the floor.

All her emotions of feeling that wall that she references a Lot™️ in all their cards, she finally breaks through and gets him to be honest with himself and with her

They actually kinda did sort of have a real genuine argument and maybe it's the first time he felt that way with her and i think honest to god he panicked a little bit - and I think that's why he says "that was normal" to her like, he has to reassure himself that's kinda normal?

good god the cooking!! he really has to wrestle with the fact that there are things he just can't do well all the time and he puts the work in to actually learn and he's semi-decent now! like maybe this man isn't about to make chicken fricassee anytime soon, but he can make some stews and simple dishes. So even that emotion of "i'm learning i'm trying to be better" is out

Their actual physical connection - she's finally stopped pressing him away, and has dropped the denial that she wants it too, but I think mentally she's a bit tired so that bowl toppling over is like, nah man I'm done with this rollercoaster too

They really do have so much synergy. Like who bought the cherries in the first place? She did, because she knows they're his favorite

The shadows merging like- his whole tearing in their earlier conversation "Do you think our shadows look like there's?" they don't specify what they were looking at out the window but it was probably a couple passing by, maybe sharing intimate proximity and a kiss and honestly that's helped tip the bowl too

the cherries being like- almost a metaphor of all these factors; all the times they've had so many, many, many miscommunication issues but it's all gone and said and done now (maybe not ALL but many of their issues)

So I'm really excited to see how it all goes moving forward.

This does not even capture half of my entire breakdown over this card but that's a majority of my brain dump.

What was your favorite moment in the card? Comment below!

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

is everyone in milgram just dead

Okay I'm making this post because while I'm not sure how much I believe this, it's a possibility that's been eating at my head for a while, so I gotta share it somewhere even if it's not the most solid theory in the world.

So anyways, hello members of the jury! Today I want to discuss the weirdly recurring theme of the prisoners in Milgram possibly being dead, and Milgram being some sort of afterlife thing. Given the fact it clearly has some supernatural elements, it certainly isn't impossible. So let's get into it!

CW Death, murder and suicide, abortion, child abuse, drowning, cults and indoctrination, waterboarding, gang violence

Yuno and the Allegations

The biggest hint that at least some of the prisoners might be dead is the in Yuno's second VD, Absolute Zero.

Yuno: Oh! Also, that reminds me, there was one thing I'm curious about. Es: What? Go ahead and say it. Y: Am I…really alive? E: That's…what do you…. Y: Hm…if you don't know, then it's fine. E: Yuno…. Y: Hey, it's time, right? E: Y-yes. Prisoner number 2, Yuno. Sing your sins.

Weird thing to say, really. So, presumably, she has some reason to believe she might be dead. Which is especially worrying because Yuno is one of the most intelligent and perceptive prisoners in Milgram, and might even have higher awareness of some of the more supernatural/meta elements of the series, as seen by images from both her cover songs appearing in Umbilical and Tear Drop.

All this is to say, if Yuno has reason to believe she might be dead, we have reason to believe so as well.

There are two points of Yuno's story were I feel she could have died. One is during her abortion, given a question from Trial 2.

(T2) Q20: Did you hate the person you killed?

Y: It was too much of a pain to for me to think about anything.

So her abortion was painful, which likely means it wasn't done in a hospital, as professional abortions typically don't cause too much pain in the moment (source), even if they can cause cramping or discomfort in the recovery period. If it wasn't done professionally, and it hurt a lot, it's very possible she may have died while performing it.

However, because of a few things we'll talk about later, I'm not sure this is very likely. The answer I find more likely is that, unfortunately, she may have committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing on in her Undercover silhouette shot.

For one, because what the hell would this shot even be otherwise. I've seen people suggest infanticide as opposed to abortion, but that wouldn’t cause physical pain (you could argue that answer is about emotional pain, but I'm not sure how much that works), it doesn't match her kill-shot in Undercover, and she herself has claimed her "muder" was abortion (and I don't see reason for her to lie about that). It also doesn't seem likely she would get pregnant more than once, seeing this question:

(T2) Q10: If you could turn back time, would you commit the same murder once again?

Y: I'd make sure that I won't have to commit it. That's it.

So, then, what the hell is up with that Undercover shot? Usually they say something important about the prisoner or their crime, but it really doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything.

This is where I bring up that Yuno falls off a staircase at the end of Umbilical.

Like, obviously this is more meant to be metaphorical, as in Yuno "slipped up" and now has to avoid falling by grabbing the balloon, which ends up destroying the staircase which had previously been related to the mixing of DNA (long story). But... she still is falling from a staircase. That is what is happening in the video. This is a silly argument, but it does exist.

Now, there's a few other things which could imply this, but that will have to wait for a moment. So while there is very little evidence for now, I'd say this is the most likely reason for why Yuno believes she may be dead. Especially given she might have depression (check out this cool post by weather-cluddy), her comitting suicide is sort of the best guess we can make I feel.

Nevertheless, no matter the reason why, Yuno believes she may be dead, which opens the door to other characters, if not all of them, to be dead as well. Let's take a look at the other prisoner most likely to actually be dead in my opinion, and see if we can establish a pattern.

Haruka's Worrying Situation

I believe, even if no one else is dead, it is highly likely Haruka attempted suicide. I am not going to go too in-depth in here, because moibakadesu already made a really good post about it, which is where I got the theory from in the first place. In fact, the idea Haruka may have at least attempted suicide has existed ever since Trial 1, check out this cool post by Venus from thinkin-bout-milgram. Here's a summary of what the main points of the theory are:

-The repeated motif of water and drowning could indicate the way Haruka killed himself, especially since he lived in Naogaka, Niigata, known as the "city of water."

-Haruka repeatedly attacks and even strangles a younger version of himself in Weakness, in one occasion alongside the lyric "I've become a victim, I've become a victim."

-The young girl in Weakness might actually be a representation of the "ideal Haruka", as he's stated his mother wanted a daughter instead of a son (I don't actually agree with this part, I do think the girl is a literal girl Haruka killed, due to several lines from his VDs, such as him saying Amane "brings back bad memories." However, it's still a possibility)

-The nonchalance with which Haruka speaks of comitting suicide in his second MV, Metamorphosis of the Weak, could imply he's already done it once.

-The line "if with one click, and I can reset everything" in AKAA can be more directly translated to "if with the push of one button I could be reborn", which paired with butterflies being symbols of death and rebirth and being connected to Haruka because of the name of his second VD, could imply Haruka died and was reborn.

-Haruka standing on a chair in AKAA as his shadow lines up with the shadow of the bars in the window to create the ilusion he has a noose around his neck.

-At the end of AKAA, Haruka is surrounded in what looks to be formaldehyde, which is used to preserve the corpses of dead animals, while the aforementioned "I could be reborn" lyric plays.

As you can see, there's a lot here, which is why I think it is highly likely Haruka comitted suicide.

There is an issue with bringing this theory in, which is that part of the theory is that Haruka's silhouette in the Undercover shot doesn't have white noise, which separates him from the others and could imply he's a victim like Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend, who similarly have no white noise. The problem for our purposes is that this theory assumes a lot of the other prisoners, such as Yuno, may have committed suicide as well, creating an inconsistency with this point. I don't have a good answer for this, beyond a really odd, Hamlet-esque "Haruka is a victim of his own madness" kind of thing which doesn't work very well, so unless any of you have another explanation, it's best for this theory to just sorta ignore the white noise thing.

So, now we have two prisoners who very likely died before Milgram. This vaguely establishes a possible pattern: what if all the prisoners were taken right as they died?

Muu’s Mysterious Memory Mishaps

Es: You said you wanted to go back home, right? And, "suppose" we did let you… Even if you were to leave this place, you'll then have a brush with the police, won't you? Muu: *Surprised* E: I mean, you've killed someone anyway, so are the police not making a move in regards to that? M: Well, I don't know. As of now, I don't have a clear memory of what happened after I did it. And then before I knew it, I was here. E: Is… that so? M: You guys should've known that, being the ones who brought me here after all.

This line from Muu’s first VD has always intrigued me. Muu doesn’t have a very good reason to be lying here when seen in full context, so she’s likely telling the truth. But, why? Why doesn’t Muu remember anything clearly after her crime, and why was she taken so quickly after committing it?

First idea is that perhaps all the prisoners are simply taken right after the murder they’re in Milgram for; even in the case of multiple murders, you can say Milgram just decided to take them for the last one exclusively.

However, Shidou serves as a counter example, because of the ending of Throw Down.

It’s a pretty simple logical progression. Shidou has no reason to kill after the flower person dies, so their death is after his last murder most likely, and yet he does remember it happening. Thus, Shidou has a memory of something which happened an undetermined amount of time after his final murder.

That means the "fuzzy memories" thing isn't universal. This can also be vaguely inferred by the attitudes certain prisoners have regarding their "murder(s)", like Kazui for example.

Now, you could argue Muu simply doesn't remember well because of the Trauma, and she just happened to get taken shortly after her murder. However, there is a chance now that there is a reason she was taken shortly after her murder.

You know what this post is about. You know what I'm about to imply. So I'll make the observation now:

In It's Not my Fault, one of Muu's shoes is off after she kills Rei. And we have seen this imagery of "one shoe off" to represent suicide before.

It's common in Japan to take both shoes off before comitting suicide, but if you want to read into only one of the shoes being off, you could argue it represents they're "half-suicides", as Milgram also considers them murders. In that sense, you (or Muu) could argue were Muu to commit suicide after killing Rei, then she would also become "Rei's victim", the same way Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend are Kazui and Mahiru's victims.

This idea that Muu might still be a victim in the situation could also be implied by the lyrics here:

[It's Not my Fault] It’s not my fault after all, after all. Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. I’m always meant to be pitied!

(Btw I'm using the fan translation in the wiki because the English subs in that video are... odd)

Yes that sentiment is repeated a lot during the song, but Muu does shout "I'm always meant to be pitied" ("I'm always the drama queen") at the top of her lungs here.

Now, the shoe thing isn't quite like that in After Pain, but we never actually see Muu's shoes in the real world, only in the blank inner world with the broken hourglass, and there are other inconsistencies with reality there, namely Rei's body's position.

You can see her right shoe is on there, but again, this scene isn't real.

The concerning thing is that apart from that, After Pain does not help Muu beat the suicide allegations.

In particular, look at the scene of the photo I put there. You can see there's a bunch of people judging Muu for her murder, as it's usually not considered a socially acceptable thing to do. But, hold on, didn't Muu say she didn't remember anything after her murder? Correct! That means she doesn't remember this "judgement" happening, but she imagined it would. Perhaps that's what the one line means:

[After Pain] Counterattack being a suicide note

Counterattacking Rei, killing her, is social suicide. For obvious reasons.

...

But it's still called a suicide note, which is not a good look. And yes, I do think the Japanese lyric explicitly references death, though take that with a lot of salt since that's just Google Translate and DeepL talking.

In fact, that entire set of lyrics is pretty odd.

[After Pain] Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”

"Meeting up inside the pain" probably refers to hurting Rei, so now they're hurting together. The "stabbing of a little devil's voice" is probably referring to dangerous impulses, so murderous thoughts. "Counterattack being a suicide note", already explained. "I love YOU", because Muu is a girlkisser.

But the "postmortem makeup" is odd. You could argue the "death" which happened before the "makeup" was applied was the "death" of Muu's reputation, her old persona. Rei "killed" "that Muu", and now Muu is hiding her real feelings with "postmortem makeup."

But then, why would the method to solve it be a secret? Who is she keeping it secret from? Rei, and all of Muu's old 'friends', all know what lies beyond that makeup, they all saw what Muu was like before Rei stepped in.

That means there's another interpretation. If her real feelings are a secret, there's only one person they would be a secret from. Es (and us by extension). In a way, After Pain is hiding part of her heart, the less sympathetic parts shown in full in It's Not My Fault. Muu being a bully was already implied in After Pain, mind you, but it was still relatively "hidden", at least compared to It's Not my Fault.

And if that is the way we're meant to read that line, we run into the allegations again. If the makeup is for Milgram, and it's "postmortem" makeup, then Muu is already dead.

And that's without mentioning how much After Pain seems to imply suicidal tendencies in general.

[After Pain] If I was gone, If I had just disappeared I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed

I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me

Maybe I’m done Just one more time before saying goodbye I’m just kidding, please forget I said that

The only lyric that doesn't seem to imply it is:

I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?

But feeling alive and being alive isn't quite the same, right? You can be alive without feeling alive, and if someone doesn't feel alive, it's possible they're not a very good state of mind.

So, what could this all imply? If we're going with the idea of murder-suicide, it's possible Muu was very worried about how people would hate her after the murder, as implied by After Pain, decided she didn't want to deal with that, and unfortunately made the decision to kill herself.

One small thing which could serve as a counterpoint is her Trial 1 Voice Reveal distorted line.

Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me.

She seems pretty sure of herself here, and it's very likely this is after her murder. But it's perfectly possible she said this initially, then thought about the social consequences, and that's when she started to feel bad. It's also worth noting the only time in It's Not my Fault where Muu seems to hesitate is right after her murder.

[It's Not my Fault] Wait, wait, just as a hypothetical. What should I do if I’m actually a bad girl? Don’t ever hate me, and don’t look for what lies “after and from” the pain.

This is immediately after the murder, when she comes out of a caccoon, presumably her arriving at Milgram. So, she was initally confident, that's when she says "I’m always meant to be pitied!" in It's Not my Fault and presumably her Voice Reveal line, then hesitated and started to feel awful as we see in After Pain.

... Well, there's also the way more uncharitable reading where Muu killed herself so people also pitied her instead of just hating her for killing Rei, but that's a bit too dark and in bad faith for my tastes. It is there, though.

So, yeah, Muu may be dead too. And she brings with her an interesting implication; the prisoners may not have clear memories of the events leading up to their death. So, even if some of them committed suicide, it's possible they simply don't remember ever taking the decision to do so, explaining their behavior in the prison.

And it also could explain away... one apparent contradiction. One which exists outside of this theory, but that this theory could explain.

Amane and the Voice Reveal Trailers

As most of you know, the Voice Reveal trailers for all these characters contain certain distorted phrases which in general seem closely linked to their murder. And as pointed out by blueepink07 in this post, it seems the First Trial Voice Reveals are things the prisoners said after their murder, while the Second Trial ones are showing a point before their murder. Check out Kazui's, for example.

(T1) "I'm so dumb... Why did I have to dream?"

(T2) "Hinako, I love you more than anything."

There's also Muu's, since I've already brought it up before.

(T1) "Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me."

(T2) "Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU"

The second being right before she killed Rei.

That works well enough for all the prisoners... except Amane.

(T1) "Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!"

(T2) "Father is a very praiseworthy person. Once [my/his] virtue increases, he'll come back home, right? It's a little lonely, but I'm fine!"

In theory, Amane would have been punished before her murder, as we see happen after she heals the cat in the taser scene. Meanwhile, if she's lonely without her father, it could perhaps be because her mother is dead after Things Happened (yes I'm going with Mother!Victim theory on this one).

But that's not the case. Following the pattern, the line about her father coming home at some point is before her murder, and apparently, she was punished for breaking some kind of rule after her murder. The implication here, horrid as it is, could be that her father returned home after she killed her mother and punished her for doing so.

Thankfully, this is impossible. After all:

(T1) Q18: Do you regret your "murder"?

A: No. It was a natural obligation.

(T2) Q3: State the name of your victim.

A: There is no victim. Only the punished.

(Taking some liberties on the translation of Trial 2 since the questions are still coming out as I write this)

So Amane genuinely believes she was following her cult's principles to a T when she killed her mom. As much as that likely isn't the case (long story), if she had gotten punished for killing her mom, then she wouldn't think like this. If she had been punished for it, she wouldn't think her murder was a "natural obligation", but rather a mistake on her part.

What this implies is that Amane doesn't remember being punished by her father.

...

Amane... doesn't remember...

Fuck.

Yeah, remember when I said it was possible the prisoners don't have clear memories of the events leading up to their death? Going by the "T1 after - T2 before" logic the Voice Reveals seem to follow, we can infer Amane was likely punished for killing her mother, but we also know she can't remember it happening, otherwise she would regret it. And based on what we learnt from Muu, we do have a way to explain how that could happen. If Amane died while receiving the punishment the T1 Voice Reveal alludes to, she wouldn't have a clear memory of it.

And the thing is, it does seem likely Amane received this punishment. Think about it. Interrogation questions are one thing, since the creators don't fully control them, but why mention her father would possibly return home in the Voice Reveal trailer? Unless he did. Hell, you could argue we might know the exact moment he returned. Amane does look at the entrance of her apartment at the end of Purge March, though that could simply be for dramatic effect rather than being a literal thing which happened.

But there's more. Because if her father returned home, we might actually have an answer for another one of the mysteries surrounding Amane's situation. The Undercover prisoner card.

The image on her card seems to show a bathroom. It is widely assumed the images on these cards are the location the murders happened in, but to my knowledge, this isn't 100% confirmed. However, this creates a small issue with Amane. Just looking at the murder shot in Purge March is enough to confirm that.

I made a more detailed theory on her murder on this post, diagrams included (scroll to the bottom if you're only interested on the murder), but for now, there are two things to note here. One, there's a trail of water which seems to come out of the door with the light on, as the puddles are bigger the closer they get to it, implying that room is the bathroom. And two, the room the murder actually happened in seems to have a window/door behind a curtain, which isn't what Amane's bathroom looks like.

Adittionally, there isn't any blood outside of the murder room, implying the victim's body wasn't dragged there.

All this seems to imply Amane's victim didn't die in the bathroom, which is sorta a problem considering the previously mentioned commonly accepted theory. But this idea that Amane may have died while being punished, perhaps while being drowned as we know that's one of the accepted methods of punishment in her cult, brings up a different possibility.

What if the images in the prisoner cards aren't showing murder location? What if they show the last place the prisoner was seen in, the place they died?

Kotoko, Mikoto, and the Prisoner Cards

So, first, is there any indication either of these might be dead? For Mikoto, not really. Sure, there's the whole Death card at the end of MeMe thing, but that doesn't have to be taken so literally.

Kotoko has a very little potential hint in the fact she's shown alongside a wolf at the start of HARROW, but by the end the wolf is by itself. If the wolf represents a potential partner (long story), then maybe Kotoko died?

Though you can easily argue the wolf is slightly different and thus is meant to just represent Kotoko.

However, the reason I'm bringing them into this is because their prisoner cards are completely nonsensical under "murder location" theory for the images shown. Let's start with Kotoko.

It shows an alleyway, which at first seems like it makes sense. We do see her attacking a man in an alleyway. However, after that happens, one of the pieces of background text says this:

◆ A wanted thief was assaulted by an unknown assailant Early yesterday morning, a nearby shop employee reported hearing screaming and seeing a man lying on the ground. According to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, the man had lost consciousness after being beaten on his face, stomach, and other areas, and was taken to the hospital. The police are currently trying to identify the suspect. [...] According to previous investigations, the male victim was wanted throughout Tokyo for theft and assault charges and was identified as the suspect, Mikio Oshii.

(Translation by Maristelina)

Mikio Oshii is the name of the man Kotoko assaulted in the alleyway. It seems odd to me that we would learn he was taken to the hospital if he later died in it somehow, especially because Kotoko didn't want to kill him. We can clearly see this because of a crucial difference between her attack on him and her attack on the serial killer who likely is her victim.

She covers her face while attacking Oshii, because she doesn't want to be recognized. She is committing assault, after all. However, that only matters if she's planning to keep him alive. Conversely, she doesn't cover her face while attacking the serial killer, because she knows he won't be a witness. She went into that warehouse planning to kill.

Of course, she could have accidentally done too much damage, but the issue there is that she would probably express some remorse in that case. She doesn't, and the fact she only ever talks about one victim-

[TASK (T1 VD)] I did kill someone. [...] I don't have a single regret.

-it really seems like Oshii was able to survive her attack.

That creates an issue with her prisoner card. It shows an alleyway, but her only victim died in a warehouse. As confusing as that sequence is, he did die in the warehouse.

You know when we do see an alleyway again, though?

But she's not wearing her face covering. And if this was the alley with the one sign about a car accident that shows up over and over in HARROW, I'd imagine we'd see the sign, even if it was obscured in some way. So once again, a silhouette shot which seems to have nothing to do with her murder or her general situation.

So, is it possible she died in this alleyway? That's the only other reason I can imagine why it'd show up in her prisoner card, so. As for what exactly happened, I imagine she may have been murdered at the whim of her victim's father?

Shocking revelation: The heinous criminal behind the crime is the privileged son of a high-ranking official!

(Article referring to Kotoko's victim)

So, she got found out and immediately assassinated? It's a bit out there, but it would explain both her prisoner card and her attitude in the prison.

And then there's Mikoto.

As you can see, his card shows a street. The issue with Mikoto is one of format. The cards only ever show one location, but we know Mikoto has at least two victims.

[Text: To the right, the Subway Murder, which clearly has a ceiling. The murderer has blood on his right cheek, his left cheek is hidden. There's also the bathhtub scene, where the right cheek is hidden, but the left cheek has blood already trailing off, which doesn't quite fit what we see in the other murder if you think about the bath chronologically.

To the left, a murder out in the street, with an open sky. The murderer has blood on their left cheek, but not on their right. This is seen in both the crime and the shower scene]

So yeah, at least two. You could argue the bathtub murder is actually a third one, which... huh. Two things that absolutely exist and a Secret Third Thing, the existance of which is disputed? Trikoto vibes.

Point is, Mikoto has two different murder locations at least. The street, yes, but also the subway. This creates a problem with the "images in the prisoner cards are murder locations" idea, because it only shows one. You could try to gymnastics your way out of this by saying maybe Hostkoto committed the street murder while Orekoto killed the other victim(s), and because only Hostkoto is considered a prisoner by Milgram, only his murder is shown? But I feel that raises more questions than it answers.

Instead, if we assume the images to be death locations, the ambiguity disappears, because Mikoto as a system can only have one death location. The issue is you have to explain how Mikoto died in the middle of the street, which is a bit difficult.

The best guess I can give is related to the subway victim. It's been pointed out before that guy looks a lot like a stereotypical Japanese delinquent, which could imply he was part of a gang. If that's the case, it's possible the killer angered the wrong people by killing him, similar to Kotoko, and thus was later murdered himself. We know that street isn't very safe, on account of one of the alters getting away with murder there. It's a pretty large stretch, and has like zero evidence, but it's physically possible at least.

Let's take a quick look at the other prisoners and see if their images can also be explained by the "death image" theory.

We know Muu would share a death location with her victim if she really committed suicide as the theory states, so nothing weird there. Haruka's a bit more awkward, because it shows the forest he very likely killed the girl in, but I'm not entirely sure if the forests near Nagaoka has bodies of water deep enough to drown oneself. There is the Shinano river, which has... trees, around it.

This was taken from Google Street View in Nagaoka. Again, not sure how deep it is, but assuming it's deep enough to drown, it could work if you ignore the trees don't look too much like the ones irl. Maybe Haruka threw himself off the bridge?

Alternatively, Nagaoka borders the sea, and it seems like there's forest almost all the way up to it. So maybe that could work? Unsure.

Worst comes to worst, we can maybe change it to saying Haruka didn't drown himself, but killed himself in some other way in the forest. Point is, I think Haruka's isn't too big of an issue.

Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui don't have a lot of evidence towards what the hell would have happened, but the best assumption I can make is they all committed suicide because of guilt. Fuuta in his room, Mahiru in the suicide forest (likely also where her boyfriend committed suicide), and Kazui by jumping off a building like Hinako. As for their evidence...

>Fuuta burns at the end of Backdraft, which is the same thing that happens to Killcheroy, so you could argue that's meant to show he's dying. It's not great, it absolutely is just meant to be metaphorical most likely, but it is there.

Additionally, he's also an outlier for the "muder location image" theory, since what one would consider his "murder location" is very ambiguous. Is it his room, where he sent online hate from? Is it Killcheroy's room, where she assumedly died? Wouldn't it be the front of Killcheroy's house, where Fuuta took the picture to dox her? Again, death location is less ambiguous.

Fuuta's attitude during Trial 1 could be seen as a bit weird if he was suicidal, but I'm not sure we can comfortably say that with the limited information we have.

>Mahiru in I Love You goes to sleep after seeing her boyfriend dead, which could be read as her committing suicide. You know, if you're insane like me.

Especially given this question from Trial 1:

(T1) Q20: What do you think about smoking?

M: I've never smoked before, but I might copy him if who I love smokes.

That, alongside a lot of the bg text from TIHTBILWY, implies Mahiru likes the idea of copying her lover. Not the greatest quality to have when your lover commits suicide.

>Kazui has this:

Where the smoke of his cigarette turns into a noose. Of course, that's meant to represent self-destruction in general, but it could also be taken more literally. He... doesn't have much else.

Thus, everyone else vaguely fits the idea of "death image"... except him.

Our favorite headache inducing doctor strikes again! His card shows a hospital room, which is a very strange death location, but perfectly fits his murders. You could argue he runs into the same issue as Mikoto, but it's actually possible Shidou just killed all his victims in the same room, so.

Yeah, Shidou's probably the biggest counterargument for this theory. Because while it's possible he died in a hospital, there is zero evidence for it, beyond the image itself. Hell, neither Throw Down or Triage ever seems to imply he died in the first place, which is an issue. This theory's already heavily dependant on the extremely flawed "you can't disprove it" argument, but at least most of the other ones have some kind of logical progression which gets you to how they died.

So, to complete the theory, we have to make the pretty big jump that Shidou died inside a hospital room, without knowing how that happened.

... Wait, inside the room?

Wait wait wait, show me Fuuta's and Amane's again.

Hmmm... 0308... hmmmm... 0308... I totally didn't just do this to put the two together... hm...

Yeah, same thing. They both show the inside of a room. Which, along with Shidou's, shows that these images can show the inside of buildings, right?

But, then... why is Yuno's outside?

That very clearly isn't the inside of a building. But this generates a problem for the "murder location image" theory, because Yuno's "murder" was abortion. Even if it wasn't done professionally, she would have still done it inside, presumably. This creates an inconsistency with Fuuta, Amane and Shidou. If their murder locations are shown from inside, why is Yuno different?

However, this inconsistency disappears if we assume the images to be death locations. I previously established if Yuno died, she likely committed suicide by jumping off a staircase, which does vaguely fit this image. It's similar to Kazui's in that way.

Now, I don't want to get too ahead of myself here. Murder location is still absolutely the more straightforward answer, but it does come with its issues. As stated, Fuuta's image would face some ambiguity, Mikoto's would face extreme ambiguity, Amane's seems to contradict the evidence we're shown in Purge March, Yuno's is wildly inconsistent with the other images, and Kotoko's is straight up nonsensical.

Meanwhile, death locations physically work with all the cases, even if Shidou's case is extremely weird, but it requires huge assumptions and stretches. It relies heavily on how impossible it is to disprove, which is not a good sign. Russell's Teapot, and all that.

Summary of the Theory

>Everyone in Milgram is dead, and their prisoner cards in Undercover show the place where they died.

>Prisoner's memories of the events leading up to their deaths are extremely fuzzy, explaining why only Yuno seems to even suspect it.

+Haruka: Committed suicide by drowning himself, possibly in the Shinano river or the sea. [Most likely to be dead]

+Yuno: Committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing in on her Undercover silhouette shot. [Most likely to be dead]

+Fuuta: Committed suicide in his room out of guilt. [Very little evidence]

+Muu: Murder-suicide, she committed suicide after killing Rei. [A bit more evidence than others]

+Shidou: Died in a hospital room [???]

+Mahiru: "Copied" her boyfriend by killing herself in the suicide forest. [Very little evidence]

+Kazui: Jumped off a building, like Hinako. [Very little evidence]

+Amane: Drowned by her father as "punishment" for her murder. [Unfortunately, sorta likely]

+Mikoto: Murdered by one of the members of Subway Victim's gang. [Sort of filling in the blanks here]

+Kotoko: Murdered at the order of her victim's father. [Very little evidence]

Conclusion

Do I believe this theory? Honestly, I don't know. It makes a few too many assumptions for me to fully believe it, but I do think it's a decent possibility, so I wanted to share it with you all. In any case, that's all I have to say for now. If you have any thoughts about any of this, feel free to share! Also I didn't even touch on Es but you can try to fit them in somehow if you feel like it.

Anyways, if you made it this far, you deserve a hug, this post was depressing. Take care!

[quitealotofsodapop]

Of course! Luzhen has to be there to see everything! He doesn't get tto go into town much at all so everything is new and different! And he is very much an Explorer like his bug brother mama. Wukong kinda has to keep him up there or he'll bounce off and they'll never find him again!

The twins are, once again, tbe bane of my existence. This time the colors were what I struggled with most. They simply did not want to color. They're mischievous, but less so than normal. Rumble don't feel too food with all the noise even through the headphones so Savage jsut wants to stick close to their sibling and they both stay close to Mom, but they still throws bao at their big brother's head. Just to be stinkers.

Yuebei is very much staying close to Mama, but she's happy to meet Dinosaur Girl. Her hanfu is intentionally big because I imagine she's going through the first of many growth spurts, so she needs the room. Yuebei is the most excited about the parade because she likes fireworks like Mama does, but keeps trying to eat things she shouldn't.

Wukong is my pride and joy in that Pic. I tried very, very hard to make him look human but not too human while also not obviously being a monkey. Maybe they think he's a cat, idk, they jsut know that ain't a human. He's super tired with all the cubs but still very much a stern and loving mom, it's the experience with all the babysitting he does for his subjects. He is the first to drop his glamour and the only one to do so on purpose, dropping it pretty much as soon as Spider Queen's hive bots try to target one of his cubs to get them away. He meets up with MK somewhere in the middle and hands the babies over before going to do the monkey king thing. MK shortly hands them over to Sandy in turn to follow after but has to flee because gross spiders and his mom getting caught. I like to think thay while the interaction goes similar to how he got caught the first time, the actual capture happened because Wukong pushed MK out of the way and ordered him to run as soon as he realized LBD was there

referencing.

Luzhen is one misadventure away from Wukong making him a leash baby. He's so much like his big brother/adoptive mom that it worries Wukong sometimes. He just glad that his mini-me doesn't care for peaches XD

Rumble & Savage are so chaotic, they cause issues outside the forth wall. They def make a point of tossing bao buns at MK's head when he isn't looking - though he might just catch it mid-air with his teeth, he's had practice around these two. They likely try to avoid too much of the parade, but they still appreciate the visuals of the fireworks.

Oh gosh Yuebei hitting a (one of many to come) growth spurt and Wukong trying his best to find her nice day clothes that she hasn't outgrown. Yuebei hides behind her mama shyly before Mei says Hi, and suddenly the baby girl is excitedly pointing at Mei.

Mei: "Aww! Is she curious about me?" Wukong, sighs knowing whats coming: "Yes. She's fascinated with your skin." Mei: "No problem - these are my scale patches. I'm a d-" Yuebei, overjoyed: "Dinosaur!" Mei: "...Yep! I'm a dinosaur!" Yuebei: (*delighted giggling and bouncing in place!*) Wukong, whispering: "Sorry, she's in a big dinosaur phase." Mei: "Oh don't worry! I was a horse girl growing up! Gotta encourage her!"

Wukong is beautiful in the art. He's so soft and strong looking. I can imagine he steals MK away to see the parade for a bit (and ask him how well his experiences in the city are going), only to get blindsided by the Spider Gang's attack. A spider-bot scares the babies and immediately it's Monkey King-mode.

MK just gets handed his little siblings when it becomes obvious that MK is terrified of the arachnid enemies. Wukong knows MK isn't ready to take these guys on and doesn't want his eldest to lock up under pressure, so he tells him to take his siblings and get out of there. The twins argue that they want to stay and fight but protective mama Wukong ain't having it. MK runs to the Noodle Gang since Sandy is almost guaranteed to have a vehicle that can get them out of there (or barring that the HQ in the bowel of his ship).

And ofc as the pressure/severity of the situation increases, MK's own glamour falls apart - leaving a panicking monkey demon in the human's place.

Tang, triumphantly: "HAH! Told you! Monkey demon!" Pigsy: (*grumbling*) MK: "Huh?" Pigsy: "We sorta had this running theory that you weren't 100% human, kid." MK: "Since when?" Pigsy: "Since before you picked up the staff. I thought you were like, a human raised by demons or something." Sandy: "I personally thought you might have been part cat demon." MK: "...did anyone think I was just human??" Red Son: "I did." MK: "GAAHH! How'd you get on the ship!?"

Just a full chaotic New Years

[donutz]

Poppy Playtime with a twist!!

SUMMARY||So younger you meets you in the present at poopy playhouse, but like it's super cool

EVERYONE THINKS THE STAFF DISSAPPEARED 10 YEARS AGO

WE'RE STILL HERE.

FIND THE FLOWER

ꕤ

“Find the flower?” Is it a pretty flowerrr? Not really..

Playtime Co? Oh. Playtime Co. Uhm. Well everybody who worked there isn't working there, not anymore. I'm not saying they disappeared. I read the letter!!

.

.

.

Hey they spelt disappeared wrong.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I drive over to Playtime Co in my [any type of car] and end up seeing blocked off doors.

I mean this place is abandoned so what do you expect?

Another warning to not go in. But like, I'm wayyy too bored in life so I'm goin in.

Somebody's at the door?

I wonder who.

After 10 minutes, surprisingly not taking long, I managed to open the doors.

Getting a view of the colorful place that I once worked at, I also see a person.

“Hello! I was waiting for you! Somebody told me you got sent an envelope so I stood here, waiting.”

I stood there, looking at them with a bit of surprise. And being a little bit suspicious.

Are they not gonna talk?

They kind of look like me, as if they were my identical twin. Just born at different times.

.

.

.

I somehow muster the courage to speak up after a moment of awkward silence.

“... Why do you look like me, but older..” I asked with sweat slowly collecting on my face.

I take note of what they said and say, “Hm, come here for a sec”.

I walk over to them and stand there looking at them, looking away from time to time.

“Hm.” I examine the person. “Oh! Because I am you but older”!

“WH— What.” I lowered my volume, just in case something would spawn out of nowhere.

“It looks like you went to the future.” I tell the past me.

“You're me? But older? Coooll.” I drag my words with imaginary stars in my eyes.

“Follow me m'kay?” I command. Sounds kinda fancy, command.

“Kay!”

I was so gullible.

We both go to a colorful room with a few trains that have different colors per train.

“You see those trains right?” I question my younger self.

“Yea”.

“Those colors on each train are for a color code.” I stated.

“Green, pink—”

“Yellow and red”.

“Good. Now we're gonna go to that color pad thing and put in the colors”.

“Can IIIII do that..?” I ask with a smile on my face.

“Sure.”

I put in the colors and the door unlocked. I softly grabbed the handle as I slowly opened the door, observing what's inside the room.

“There's nothing spooky in the room”.

.. Stupidly, I flinched from older me talking because of how focused I was.

“Did you just flinch”?

“No”.

“I don't know what you're talking about”.

“... Sure”.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

After finishing the grabpack tutorial, we go up to the big door and I[past me] scan[scans] with my[their] blue hand.

“This might take a bit so just wait”.

“Okay”.

The door is fully open.

I see, huggy? But he's.. Oh. “Hey young me”.

“Yeeeess?” I ask with curious eyes.

“I think, I went back to the past”.

“You did”?

“Yea”.

“I'm gonna nerd out for a sec”.

“It's okay, I do that too”.

“I think that once you started coming here, maybe the factory was— restarting to the past. Like a process of it. Maybe that's why they were moving around so much. While I was at the front desk it was still happening. But when you entered it finished. Oh and y'know what? Maybe me walking around here was also me going through that time traveling process.” I explained.

I was wide-eyed. Mouth open a little bit even.

Ooo. That's.. Okay..? I mean I hate what's gonna happen but. Whatevs. “Yo, tiny baby”.

“.. Me? Are you seriously talking to me”?

“Mhm. Follow me”.

“Is that Huggy Wuggy”.

“No, it's Gojo— who do you think that is”?

“I—!” I make a click sound with my tongue and look away.

“You suck.” I claim, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Thanks. Anyways, this is my baby, Huggy. Who is going to kill us in the future. Or try to”.

“Hey, I bet you twenty bucks that once we go into a room, after like 30 seconds he'll be gone. But you gotta look away. Anddd, I bet you another 5 bucks that he can hear us, or me, talking right now”!

“That's not fair. You're in the future so you know it's going to happen”.

“Mhm, bet or no bet”?

“No bet”.

“>:/”

I go to the door with a bunch of stuff inside and try to open it.

But I end up hearing a jingle of keys..?

“Thanks Huggy.” I smiled when saying that and walked towards the electronic room. At least that's what I call it.

Unlocking it I go in—

“Don't leave me pretty please”!!!

…I expected younger me to follow but I don't need to worry right now.

Once we were in the room, the door locked. I mean that's what I heard. I'm basically going through my life, again. This is something that would be studied. Old people would kill for something like this.

“Did the door lock”?

“I don't know, try opening it”.

I wandered over to the poles and solved a puzzle while younger me was freaking out over the locked door.

“Uhmmmmm, I think Huggy's gone”!!!

“Wait weally????” I mocked, a small smile creeping up on my face.

“SHUT UP I'M SERIOUS!!!” I yelled, DO THEY.. I. Uhm. DOES OLDER ME NOT UNDERSTAND???

“I've been through this already, you baby”.

“...”

I finished the puzzle and then walked towards the kid.

“Move out the way please!!” I said, making my eyes big and sad looking, like a cartoon character.

“>:[”

The door opened, and we both walked out.

“Alright, time to move to the next area”.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[forever-rogue]

My partner often joke about how we wouldn’t want each other to find anyone else if one of us were to die, so I’ve been thinking…. Joel x fem!reader where reader had lost her long term partner months before meeting Joel. She develops feelings for him but can’t bring herself to move on. “He would want you to move on.” “No, he wouldn’t.” I’ll leave it up to you if they do end up together or not cuz I just can’t decide lol

AN | Please, this is so soft and everything 🥺 

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language; mention of death (cancer) and grief

Word Count | 2.8k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Just before he could kiss you, you pulled away. You pulled away so fast, you almost tripped over your own feet and stumbled backwards.

"What's-"

"Don't," you held up your hand, shaking your head, "please."

"Baby," the way he whispered was so tender that it almost made you cry. He took a hesitant step closer, "what's wrong?"

"I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"This," you repeated, pointing between your bodies as his entire face fell, "us. I can't do this, Joel. I can't be with you."

"I thought…" he exhaled heavily, hands on his hips as he tried to gather his thoughts. This was not what he had expected, "I thought we both wanted this. I thought-"

"You were wrong," oh. That hurt to say. The look on his face made you want to take it all back. You could see the tears listening in his eyes, "and so was I. I-I'm sorry."

"Can we just talk about it?"

"I've gotta go," before he could do or say anything else, you almost ran away from him, wanting to get home as quickly as possible. This was the worst.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"What's wrong with you?" Ellie could tell something was wrong even before Joel got the chance to sigh as he walked into the house. She set her book down and looked at him with a concerned expression, "what happened?"

"I don't even know," he sat down next to the young girl with a huff as she raised an eyebrow. He said your name softly and she leaned in closer, "she just left. Said she couldn't do this. Whatever this is."

"What did you do?" She asked, trying to keep herself from sounding too judgmental either way.

"All I did was try to kiss her," there's a sheepish blush that creeps into his neck and cheeks, "I didn't think it was out of place. It seemed…"

"Yeah," she scooted closer to him and gently patted his arm, "I think she's just scared."

"I haven't done-"

"Not of you," she quickly shut down that path of worry and fear, shaking her head fervently, "its just…has she told you about her partner? From a long time ago."

"No," Joel's face marred with worry. You'd only vaguely mentioned a partner in the past as he'd been getting to know you, but now he was curious and worried, "she hasn't really talked about that much."

"They were together for a while," Ellie explained, "a lot of years…she said…I think this needs to come from her but she said at one point they had a child. She only mentioned it once-"

"Fuck."

"Fuck," she agreed, "her partner died a few months before she moved here."

"Oh," he ran a hand over his tired face and sighed heavily. He'd had no clue - he still felt like a jerk. He wished he hadn't tried to kiss…not because he didn't want to, he really did, but he hated the idea that he hurt you even more. Even if it was accidental, "oh."

"I thought she told you," Ellie hated seeing him upset and knowing that you were upset, "but I'm sure she will…maybe she just needs a little bit of space."

"Yeah," he agreed with a grimace. He wanted to go over to yours now and work it all out. But he also didn't want to chase you away. You were worth, worth waiting for, "I'll give her time."

"It'll be okay," Joel wished he had as much confidence as Ellie did. He desperately hoped she was right, "I promise."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You felt so stupid for how you just ran away from Joel. The sensible thing would have been to talk to him and explain everything that was going through your mind. But when he leaned in to kiss you, every coherent thought had gone out the window. 

And the thing was that you really liked him. You found yourself falling for him harder and faster than you'd ever dreamed of or imagined. And it was scary. You hadn't felt that way about anyone in a long time…since him. 

It still hurt to think about; it still felt just as fresh and deep as the day it happened. And now you felt like you were betraying him by falling for someone else.

It was odd to even think about. You didn't even have to think about it at all, it happened so organically and everything with him felt so natural. 

Joel was unlike anyone you'd ever met before, in the best of ways. He was kind, caring, smart, funny, and a multitude of other things that became evident after you'd gotten to know him. 

And you knew, deep down, that you owed him an explanation. Even if it hurt and was hard to do, you had to tell him. He deserved it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A few days had passed since the incident had occurred. It took an entire three days to work up the courage to seek out Joel and talk to him. When you found him working in the small shop you approached quietly, trying not to startle him. He must have felt your presence because he turned around and looked at you with a surprised expression on his face.

"Hey there," you whispered softly, holding up your hand in a meek little wave.

"Hey," the expression on his face was nothing short of relief. His shoulders relaxed and he instantly looked like the weight of the world was off his shoulders.

"Listen, I–...can we talk?" He nodded and he motioned for you to follow him to the back where there was more privacy. It was a chilly winter afternoon, and snow had started falling softly. You held out your hand and caught a few flakes in your palm, watching them dissolve quickly.

"Listen, I want to a-"

"Don't," you touched his arm and shook your head, stopping him before he could fully believe that he was at fault for anything, "don't apologize, Joel. You don't owe me an apology - I owe you an apology."

"You don't have to…" he insisted sincerely, putting a finger under your chin and turning your face up to his, "you don't have to do anything. I just want to know that you're okay."

"I am…I think," you found it hard to look into his soft gaze, swallowing the lump in your throat, "there's something I have to tell you. I think it might help explain what happened. But maybe you already know - I have no clue what people spread around."

"Ellie," he answered as you relaxed. You adored the young girl and if anything, you were glad he heard it from her, "told me the shorthand version of what happened. But if you're ready, I'd rather hear it from you."

"Thank you," you blinked back the tears that were already welling up. He wasn't just judging, he just wanted to listen. To support you, "its kind of funny in a way. In a weird, sad kind of way but Ellie…she's almost the same age as my son would have been."

"Oh," he almost choked on the singular word. He knew that story all too well, "sweetheart…"

"My son, he…his name was Benjamin but we called him Benny. I had him when I was really young," you closed your eyes and exhaled slowly. The cold air felt like it was burning your lungs, "he was born into this cruel world that took him from me way too soon. He was just a kid…he was my baby, you know? He was seven. Seven. How is that even fair?"

Joel tried to keep his composure as he wiped away your tears. He'd told you about Sarah; you listened and held him then. Loved him so much it made your heart ache. He'd had no clue that you'd gone through the same thing.

"My baby," you sniffled softly, leaning into his touch, "but at least then I had my boyfriend - my son's father. We'd been together for a long time already, since we were just kids really. I loved him so much. More than anything in this world besides our son. Everything fell apart but we always had each other. We promised each other that we'd always be there for one another."

"Can I…can I hug you?” he wanted nothing more than to wrap you in his arms and make it all go away, and make everything better. You looked at him with big, wide doe eyes and nodded, melting into his touch, “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

“I know,” you whispered as you buried your face into his chest. You never felt safer than when you were with him, “thank you. Joel, I…”

So many words were swirling around in your head and you wanted to get them all out. You had to.

“You don’t have to say anything more,” he kissed the top of your head and squeezed you tightly, “only what you want to.”

“I want to tell you everything,” you whispered, “Joel, I thought I’d be with him forever. I thought we’d grow old together and experience the rest of your lives together. But then he…he got sick, really sick. They couldn’t…do anything for him. They said it was cancer and that it was too far gone to do anything that could be helpful. They didn’t have everything they needed either. It was a fast onset, but I really wonder how long he’d felt like something was off but didn’t do anything. How long was he suffering without telling me? He was gone so quickly; it felt like I didn’t even get a chance to process everything and then he was just gone.”

“I’m sorry,” he felt his own heart break for you. He hated that you ever had to go through a single bad thing, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I lost my son and my life partner,” you pulled back and wiped at your eyes, “the two people I thought I’d have forever. And it still hurts so much.”

“All that grief,” he whispered, “is just all of that love you have inside of you. It’ll never go away, but it will get better. I still think about Sarah everyday too…and Tess. I miss them both more than anything, but I’ll always have them in my heart. Nothing will ever change.”

“You understand more than anyone,” you inhaled shakily, “you know how hard it is.”

“I do,” he agreed softly, “but it’s okay to move forward - we can’t live in the past forever. It took me a damn long time to realize that too, but it’s true.”

“I want to,” you looked at him nervously, “but I don’t know if I can. The hardest part of all is that…I can’t help falling in love with you. But I can’t be with you.”

And there it was, out in the open. All those things that he had been feeling had just been validated; he just knew that the other shoe was going to drop. He tried to control his expression as your lip trembled with effort to keep from crying. 

“I can’t….I can’t do that to him,” your hands balled into fists at your side as you tore your gaze away, “I can’t just…be with someone else. It’s not fair - it’s not…fair.”

“Sweetheart,” the pet name crashed over you and that only made you cry harder. Joel Miller was such a good man that it made your heart yearn and ache for him, “it’s okay to be with someone else. And I’m not just saying that about me - for anyone you could ever be interested in. You’re not moving on, you’re not forgetting him but you’re moving forward with life. That’s okay.”

“It’s not-”

“It is,” he insisted gently, “you’ll never forget him or your son or love them any less. But it’s okay to be happy and to love others. If it was the other way around, would you want him to be able to be happy and move forward?”

“Yes, of course,” you insisted with a fervent nod, “I’d always want him to be happy, even if that was with someone else in his life.”

“Don’t you think he’d want the same for you?” he asked, causing your mouth to open and close in surprise, “wouldn’t he want you to be loved, to love, and be happy?”

“It’s different-”

“It’s not,” but his response was not unkind. It was patient and loving, “you deserve all the love and happiness that you wish for others to have. I know it might be hard to accept that, fuck, it was for me too. But I…I allowed myself to fall in love with you too, and to love Ellie as if she was my own. That never once changed anything I felt for Tess or Sarah. I love them as much as ever. But I…I love you too.”

“Joel,” you were silently pleading with him, wishing you just had all the answers then and there. But it wasn’t that simple. Things almost never were, “I…can’t. I’m sorry, I just…not right now.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” he touched your cheek, brushing his knuckles gently over your soft skin, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here, if and when you ever need me.”

All you could do was nod before turning on your heel and scampering away once again. This time you were left with so many more questions than answers. You had a lot to think about.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late when the knocking came at his door. Joel grumbled as he got up from the couch where he’d inadvertently fallen asleep to answer the door. Since it was so late, he figured it might have been something important. 

Much to his surprise, when he opened the door, there you were. You looked up at him with nervous eyes and a sweet little smile.

“Hey,” he relaxed as he leaned against the door. It had been over a week since he’d last seen you. And honestly? He’d felt like he was dying on the inside, “what’s going on, sweetheart?”

“I’ve been thinking,” you confessed as though it was some sort of secret, “a lot. About a lot of different things. But also everything that you said. And I realized…”

He remained silent as he gave you an opportunity to compose your thoughts. He was busy trying not to scare you away again.

“I realized that you were right,” it was so quiet that Joel wasn’t sure he’d actually heard you, “you were right. I can’t go through the rest of my life being sad and stuck in the past. I have to move on, but I never have to forget.”

“Yeah?” he tried not to get too ahead of himself. For the most part, he was happy that you felt that way; he wanted you to be happy, truly happy, even if that wasn’t necessarily with him, “I’m glad you were able to work it out. You deserve it - happiness and love, all of it.”

“I know that now,” you shuffled your feet nervously, taking a moment to muster up your courage, “and I want to…Joel. I want to…I’m in love with you.”

Butterflies exploded in his stomach as his breath caught in his throat. You were serious - only this time you weren’t running away. Instead you were looking at him with determined eyes and a nervous smile. 

“Funny,” he tried to ease his and your nerves, “I’m in love with you too.”

“May I…will you…?” you couldn’t even get the words out, way too anxious and nervous to finish your sentence. But Joel, lovely and wonderful Joel, knew exactly what you were asking. He nodded tenderly, taking your face in his hands before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours.

You stiffened for a moment before leaning into his and kissing him back. It felt so different than what you were used to, but also so right and lovely and amazing. When he pulled back, the two of you were grinning at each other shyly, so many unspoken things flowing between you. 

“Everything in time,” he promised gently as you leaned in kissed him again, “I’ve got you, okay? Always, I mean it.”

“I’ve got you too, Joel,” and he knew you did. He knew you were speaking from the heart, “always.”

[max-the-many]

'body a day #2' day 8: weapons

When I saw them standing infront of me a shiver ran down my spine. I really could do anything with them.

Dunno what hit me, taking those four in. And with that I'm not talking about those military hunks.

It was on a rainy night several weeks ago, when I stood on my back porch, looking out to the night sky when I sensed some motion. I stepped out, barefoot through mudd and weed until I found the source of it, a big black slug that I quickly found 3 more of. At first I was rather repulsed, but as I watched them moving it almost looked like they tried to look at me, lift their front, although I couldn't make out eyes.

I got more and more curious up to the point where I lifted the first one up which easily covered my whole palm. Again, it was calm, 'looking' up to me.

Eventually I took them all in, watched them all night until I dosed away. I was fascinated! And as I woke up, having them snufgle by my side, I almost felt like some kind of attachment.

So the days went bye, they stayed at my place, keeping me company while I never saw them eating.

At some point I had to leave as my job was due, traveling to advertise for a tech-company and as thosw creatures seemed so familiar at that point I decided to take them with me.

Calm as ever on the trip I noticed some change as we arrived at a motel. I didn't know, what it was, but they seemed to get restless, moving around the room, lifting their front part as if they were sniffing. I figured, they were exploring the new surrounding, but somehow I got the feeling that it was more than that.

Eventually I felt bad for shutting them in as they constantly circled back and forth at the door. With a slight fear of them leaving for good I opened the door and just like that they went out.

"Take care" I said quietly as I shut the door, hoping for them to come back. I really don't know what it was as we didn't interact very much. But their company was so calming, their gentle presence, the fact, that they wanted to stay with me in a weired way.

But everythings gotta end, I thought, as I prepared to go to bed.

I couldn't really sleep ä, though, thinking of the time past, the encounter, those strange creatures only remotely resembling slugs, beeing a multiple of those I knew in size on top of that.

And as my thoughts went on I noticed a shadow at the window. A silhuette standing there pretty much motionless. I stood up, getting closer, getting worried as it turned out to be a guy, looking between the curtains without any movement, standing there topless looking pretty well built.

I got nervous as the motel was rather secluded. What did he want! And on top of that, there seemed to be more besides him. Did they want to harm me? Break into my room even? But then, why was he shirtless? He even was glistening from the slight rain he probably walked through.

Nothing happened for long minutes making me more and more nervous.

"What do you want?" I eventually said through the closed door. But nothing. Just some very slight brushing sounds against the door, which I wasn't sure if I really heared them at all.

After more minutes a second guy appeared at the window, looking in, beeing topless and muscular aswell.

I repeated my question, but still nothing happened until I decided to open the door, sliding on the little chain to keep it from fully opening.

"What do you want!? I asked again to a third guy that appeared at the door, clothed like the others, also pretty sporty, looking like some mitlitary guy as I could see him wearing one of those classic army shorts.

But again, he just looked at me quietly, eventually lifting his hand. It almost seemed like some kind of pet behaviour, like a cat, very gently asking to come in. And suddenly it hit me, the crazy thought that those guys, those looks, somehow reminded me of... the creatures! There even seemed to be four guys in total as far as I could tell.

It didn't take long from that point that I just couldn't resist the urge of finding that out. As creepy as it was to have those half naked, muscular guys luring infront of my motel room at night in the middle of nowhere I just had to let them in.

So I clised the door to release the chain and ss I opened it again those guys came in quietly, looking at me as they looked before with me having next to no doubt, that in some unexplainable way those guys looked at me like those creatures did, their presence feeling just like those slugish pals I grew to feel so familiar with.

"Are you..." I started, unable to find a word to discribe my sluggish friends "...them"

And with that one of them opened his mouth, letting out a raspy voice as if he answered, leaving me with the strong feeling of a "yes"...

[chemblrish]

Hey Lena, any tips for how to make friends in uni as a nerdy but introverted/socially anxious girlie? 🥺 thank youu

Hi!

I need you to know I saw this ask and immediately thought, "Did I just get a message from my past self?" 😅 Nerdy and introverted? Check. Used to have very bad social anxiety? Check. I was in therapy though and it was immensely helpful! I'm still a little shy but doing incomparably better, so I can tell you what I've learnt and hopefully some of it can help you too :)

Excuse the language, but first of all, you need to give yourself a fucking break. Shy people, we tend to fixate on ourselves: our looks, our posture, on whether what we just said was weird, and so, all our flaws (both real and imaginary) appear magnified tenfold - but only to us. Because truth is, nobody else is judging you half as harshly as you're judging yourself. Nobody is analyzing all your jokes or the way you walk. If you trip or say something awkward, it genuinely doesn't matter. It happens to everybody sometimes, it's okay. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're shy, maybe you're easily overwhelmed, maybe you have very little experience making friends - but none of these make you inherently weird. So give yourself a break. You're sincerely doing a lot better than you think, I promise.

Small talk is actually not a bad thing, no matter what some edgelords may try to tell you. I used to spark up a lot of conversations early on in uni by bringing up things like the last test (because most of the time I'd get a mildly pained sigh in response and then we'd bond over how hard it was and how the professor was crazy lol) or the upcoming lab class ("Any interesting exercises in your schedule?") or how my commute to uni that day wrecked me and hey are you a commuter? Oh, you live in a dorm, how do you like it? And many other things of this sort, because if you think about it, uni is a neverending source of conversation topics when you're a student talking to another student.

You know how shy people are advised to just ask questions because everybody loves talking about themselves? That's not a bad advice. The trick is to be genuinely curious about other people. Don't ask just to say something, ask to hear what that other person has to say. This is helpful for two reasons: it takes the focus away from you (which is exactly where shy people shouldn't keep it) by directing it at the other person, and it actually helps to keep the conversation going, because it allows you to find either another thing that might interest you about that person or something to share about yourself.

Maybe it's obvious, but don't hide yourself. I know it's a lot easier to just curl up in a corner with your phone, but you gotta put yourself out there. Hang out with the rest of your course mates outside the lecture hall as you're all waiting for the professor. Take your time packing up afterwards instead of dashing straight for the exit. Don't look for that secluded spot where you can hide safely with a book (even though your introvert instinct tells you to do just that), be where the other students hang out.

Sometimes you have to keep choosing someone. Storytime with a moral: I took a liking to one of my current friends very early in the first semester. She seemed like exactly the kind of person I wanted to stick with in uni. I'd always come up to her and talk to her first but she hardly ever did the same. For some time I'd think, "Welp, clearly she doesn't dislike me, but she doesn't seem to like me much either." Now I can't even remember when that changed, but in an honest conversation we had maybe last month (so after almost two years of knowing each other!!), she told me she often struggles with figuring out whether someone likes her and wants her around or not, so she usually just stays away. You aren't the only introvert out there. Maybe the person you're trying to befriend is also a little anxious and needs a bit more time and effort from you. Don't give up too easily!

Not all people are your people and that's okay. You'll find that trying to talk to someone continuously feels like a chore no matter your good intentions. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or with them. Everybody can't click with everybody and that's fine!

And lastly: "different friends for different things" is a liberating philosophy. Maybe there's this one person in this one class that you always sit with and get along with well, but it doesn't seem like either of you wants to take it any further than that. Cool! That's your buddy X from Y class. Not everyone has to be your bestie who knows all your secrets and shares all your interests. Be open to the concept of casual friends, so that you don't miss out on the more meaningful relationships by chasing someone who's just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.

Good luck my fellow introvert. Remember getting better at making friends is a process but also a skill that can be practiced and polished. You got this, I'm rooting for you!

[lets-try-some-writing]

Implications

Jazz liked to think he was pretty smart and capable of standing his ground. He'd been a spy for almost every big political player, gotten involved with the army, and messed around in pretty much every under the table association. When Orion asked him to join up and support the war effort, Jazz saw no reason to decline. He knew his friend... until he didn't.

Since the new guy came in, Jazz decided he values his life more than honesty.

Previous part here.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Jazz was always a mech who lived by the rule of knowing everything so that he could act in response to anything. He liked to present himself as if he were ignorant or uncaring of the situation through the use of cheerful tones, but that was largely just to blend in. He was no fool. He knew the moment Orion was named Prime that things were going to go to slag. So he prepared, he cleared his history, pulled up his contracts, and got ready to fight or flee. He only chose to stay because Orion asked him to. How could he ever say no to his dear friend? Especially when peace seemed to be somewhere on the horizon in light of agreeable peace treaties beginning to form in spite of the Senate's efforts to continue the war.

Things were looking up despite the fact that the war still raged. There was light at the end of the tunnel, and Orion even seemed to be truly hopeful. But of course, that was when everything had to fall apart. Jazz was dutiful in his work, but someone was even better than he was at breaking and entering. How else would Orion have been stolen from his berth without so much as a whiff of where he had vanished to? The Autobots of course panicked, Ultra Magnus did what he could to keep the army in line, and the Decepticons pushed their advantage in light of Orion's disappearance. Jazz did all he could to hunt down his missing leader and friend, but to no avail. Wherever Orion was, he had completely dropped off the map.

Then Orion came back and promptly fell to pieces. Jazz was hardly able to see his friend before he was shipped off to containment to ensure whatever was happening to him didn't spread. But what Jazz saw was enough for him to know that Orion was not well... and he likely wouldn't be ever again. He was only able to sneak in to see Orion a few times, but that was all he needed.

"Hey Rion... are you in there buddy?"

"Jazz? Are you here with us?"

"Yeah I'm here. Is there somebody else in the room I should know about?"

"The voice... it speaks, questioning, asking. It wants answers. I try to answer, but I am not fast enough. It takes what I don't tell it."

"Is the voice what is making you like this?"

"I... do not know. It is curious, callous. It wants something, it wants all of me. But it does not seem to be malicious."

"Can we get rid of it?"

"No. It is already too late. It is here, burrowed deep. We will both die if you try."

"There's gotta be something we can do Rion. I am not letting you die here."

"There is... no choice. Either it lives, or we both die. It is too deep, too close to finishing its work. It does not have many questions left..."

"..."

"Once the questions end, it will have no need of me... I don't want to die in this room, alone with its voice in my mind."

"..."

"When it is time... will you let me die out of this place?"

"Yeah... I can do that Rion. I can do that."

Jazz came a few more times over the following deca-cycles. He snuck in through the vents in the dead of most mecha's recharge cycles and sat by Orion's side as his friend deteriorated. He got thinner, sickly, and more lifeless with every passing cycle. Eventually he stopped being able to talk much, only murmuring about how much it hurt. Jazz did make attempts to understand what exactly was afflicting his friend, if only so that he might have some comfort when Orion did offline. He never got anything of note aside from the pain being contributed to 'the voice'. It reached a breaking point when Orion sat up for the first time on the edge of his berth, his optics unfocused and fluid dripping from his vents.

Jazz knew what he needed to do. He had a promise to keep.

Without informing anyone, he used what authority he had to have the facility cleared. At that point, he gently took Orion's stick thin servo in his own and laced their digits together. No words were spoken as he guided his unsteady friend through hallways and rooms until they exited the bunker Orion was being kept in. They left Autobot territory and Jazz guided Orion toward the only place he could think of where his leader would possibly appreciate his final resting place to be. Jazz had every intention of guiding Orion deep into the last standing spire forest and remaining nearby so that the former archivist could rest in peace. However halfway through the journey, Orion stopped, and for the first time in deca-cycles, he seemed focused.

"Rion?"

"I don't want you to watch. I don't want you to see what we will become."

"I am your friend, Rion. I'm not about to leave you alone out here. You deserve to have someone nearby when-"

"Please. I do not wish for you to see the voice finish its work."

Jazz was unable to object as Orion wobbled past him, dragging himself in the general direction of the forest. Jazz grieved, but he did not show it as he stayed put, watching Orion's spark signature on his radar and waiting for it to go out. The moment it did, he allowed himself a klik to lament before he gathered himself and returned to the Autobots. He took his time, and when he arrived, he and the others who loved their leader grieved together. It was a rough few stellar cycles, but Ultra Magnus kept the army together and the Decepticons were even being somewhat amicable in ongoing peace arrangements. The loss of Orion Pax was still brutal and ached horribly, but Jazz, Ratchet, and the others were finally beginning to get themselves together again when someone far too familiar looking crossed the border.

Whoever it was looked like Orion if he were pumped full of protomatter and cranked up on battle protocols. The mech was huge and looked deadly even from a distance. Yet, he had Orion's face, his colors, and his voice. The mech came forward and called himself Optimus Prime, quickly presenting the Matrix of leadership. He explained in perfect almost clinical Iaconian that the reason he was presumed dead was due to the Matrix reforging him. He tried to write all of the oddities off as the Matrix doing its work and the process of being remade taking a great deal out of him, hence his slow arrival. The Autobots as a whole were skeptical, but the Matrix combined with the newcomer's almost immediate skill and his memory which matched Orion's had them accepting him quickly.

Jazz was not among that number.

He saw Orion's state, he escorted Orion to the middle of nowhere to die for Primus's sake. There was no way Orion hauled himself down to Primus's core to get the Matrix. It was impossible, not to mention the tallest tale Jazz had ever heard. The results and spectacular leadership the Prime presented were undeniable, but Jazz knew that whoever he was... he was not Orion. Optimus was quick to pick up on that fact, and the moment the Prime realized that Jazz, Ratchet, and a few select others did not fully buy his story, he became... unsettling. He held his persona with godly expertise around all others, but with Jazz and Ratchet, the two who doubted... he seemed to let himself go a bit. At first it was small, but those things grew larger with time.

Optimus's ability to blend in matched that of a master spy. He always performed perfectly in public or any area that was not checked for security by the Prime himself. He was dutiful, always keeping a kind smile or a stern expression plastered on his stolen face. His voice never wavered and he forever held himself with a complete air of calm... one that felt so fake to Jazz as to almost be suffocating. Optimus's EM field was chilled, static in a way. There was emotion there, but it was strange, unreadable, and largely left those who bothered to feel it on edge. Most chalked it up to Optimus being a Prime, but Jazz knew better. It certainly did not ease Jazz at all when Optimus purposefully extended his field when they were together. It almost felt like he was being tested with how closely Optimus watched him during those moments.

There was also the matter of how the Prime held himself. He was highly calculating, so much so that Jazz doubted he had any actual emotion in him at all. The Prime moved with determination wherever he went, but his motives were totally alien. Every action was carefully selected, and poor responses to things Optimus did always had the Prime adapting at record speed. It did not take much for the Autobots to accept him, especially when Optimus led them to war. But of course, around Jazz and Ratchet, Optimus purposefully did things that should have been beyond the bounds of normal. He twisted in ways which shouldn't have been possible just to gauge their reactions. He would poke and prod, clawing at their plating to watch their reactions. There was always a new and somewhat malicious test for him to run whenever he returned from war. Jazz came back to find Ratchet warding off the Prime with a scalpel once. And there was even an occasion were Optimus purposefully dug a blade into Jazz's leg just to watch him try to act normal around the others.

No one else suffered Optimus's abuse. No one else had to deal with the oddities. Outside of Ratchet and Jazz, Optimus was the perfect leader they needed. Well, mostly. Megatron seemed to know that Optimus was no Orion Pax, and the warlord threw away any idea relating to peace in response. He was dead set on killing the Prime, and honestly, Jazz couldn't blame him. He didn't know what Optimus was, but he most certainly was not any brand of Cybertronian Jazz was familiar with. But whatever the case, things were tolerable, and Optimus seemed to have some goal that aligned with Cybertron being brought to a peaceful state. So Jazz let him be and followed orders.

Then Optimus brought back a sparkling.

It was so out of left field that he and Ratchet were flabbergasted by the whole thing. More so when they took one look at the sparkling and knew he was just. like. Optimus. The little one acted just like his Sire for his first few vorns of life, always listening, always watching. It was frightening for Jazz to walk in to see Optimus glaring at Bumblebee with what almost seemed to be anger or hatred. Then whenever Bee cried, Optimus would tell him to quiet and Bee would stop immediately. It was terrifying to witness, even more so when Optimus brought back suspicious vials for Bee to feed from and began taking the sparkling out to the battlefield to do things Jazz did not want to know about. Optimus was focused on his creation to the point of attention falling away from Jazz and Ratchet nearly entirely. It was a small mercy, but it hurt to watch Bumblebee begin to act like a regular Cybertronian and express genuine emotions only to then suffer Optimus's treatment. The Prime treated his sparkling horribly by any standard.

Always uttering angered words, always glaring, never offering physical affection or words of affirmation, never so much as praising Bumblebee for performing well. It was as if Bumblebee was expected to succeed. Not only that, but the few times Bumblebee acted out of sorts, Optimus would beat or otherwise hurt the poor youngling until he returned to himself. More than once Ratchet did his best to stand up to the Prime in Bumblebee's defense. But Ratchet did not see the coldness in Bee's optics that Jazz did. Bumblebee was most certainly more normal than his Sire and far less monstrous, but he was still Optimus's sparkling. He never cried at the abuse, he never even seemed upset about it. The youngling accepted it all with grace, and that seemed to be what caused Ratchet to break.

The medic tolerated Optimus for his work, but seeing Bee hurt so often seemed to be a sore spot for Ratchet. Eventually, he tried to take Bee away. Jazz watched it all but did nothing to intervene. It was not his place, and he had long ago decided he enjoyed living. That belief was only confirmed when Optimus dropped out of the fragging celling as Ratchet tried to grab Bee and flee. Jazz did not stay to watch, but his horror only grew when Ratchet began to get sick mere cycles later.

When they locked optics, they both knew. Green fluid, voices in the processing units... Whatever had been done to Orion was now being inflicted on Ratchet. The medic couldn't even end his own life, not with Optimus hovering around him at all times under the guise of 'caring for his oldest friend'. Even Bee did not seem concerned. If anything, Bumblebee looked happy with every passing cycle. Still, Jazz lingered, hoping beyond hope that Optimus wasn't as bad as he seemed to be. That somehow this was all just a bad situation that would come to an end... it had to... right?

It did not.

Six stellar cycles after it began, Ratchet vanished off the face of Cybertron while the sickness was at its worst. Jazz hunted him down, but he wished he hadn't. The thing that he saw barely looked like Ratchet as it fed on raw energon like an animal. Scattered plating and organs were strewn about, and Bee eagerly seemed to be bringing over more crystals for the thing to consume Standing beside it was the one and only Optimus Prime who observed with what could have been glee as the thing's mandibles crushed through crystalized energon shards. That was when Jazz knew.

These were monsters. Optimus Prime was not the only one, and he had proven he could spread. It didn't matter what cause he fought for or how good a Prime he was. This was unnatural. And so Jazz did the only thing he could think of. He ran toward the one mech on the planet who knew what Optimus was and hated him enough to possibly put him down.

He ran to Megatron.

"MEGATRON! This is Jazz! Special operations agent for the Autobots! I need immediate evac!"

"Why would I ever help and Autobot?"

"It's Optimus! He's SPREADING!"

"Soundwave, get that mech on board the Nemesis, no matter the cost!"

If there was one mech who could save their kind from whatever Optimus was, it would be Megatron. Jazz had to believe that Megatron could.

Ratchet was already gone. How many more would follow?

[starwrighter]

I am not a baby!! (Yes you are)

(Ao3 link) (Masterpost) (Previous) (Next)

(Part six people!!!)

Batting away a pod of stalkers that didn't get the memo he wasn't food Duke sighed. Rarely persistent predators, normally all it would take to scare them away was a slap from his tail. But with all the chaos that'd happened in such a short time period, they were agitated, attacking him more frequently much to his dismay and his sibling's entertainment. His face heated as he felt laughter erupt into the bond.

"Are the stalkers okay?" Damian questioned demandingly.

"I- They're still trying to maul me?" He replied, taking a second to whack a stalker, its mouth wide open ready to attempt biting his tail off.

"I think a Mesmer wandered from one of the nearby cave systems," He proposed, shaking the attacking stalkers off of him and watching with bared teeth as the fish finally realized they bit off more than they could chew leaving. A Mesmer would explain the stalker's agitation, their hypnotism and eventual biting tended to tick a lot of creatures off.

"So the glow from earlier was just from a Mesmer...?" Dick questioned, disappointment flooding into the bond.

"It was about the size of a Mesmer... Maybe smaller?" Duke started, peaking into the egg from before, no sign of anything being inside at all. " I didn't get to look at it, I was too busy being mauled," Duke complained, turning to glower at a stalker lurking beside him.

"You don't seem very certain Duke," Dick began, "Did something happen?"

Duke froze, staring intently at one of the smooth crystal-like slabs glowing dimly from inside the egg. "Yeah, I heard one of the little noises from the...you know?" The babies carried these around with them, it would make a little noise. A string of little chirps and clicks, and the baby would panic most often dying soon after.

"I think it was from one of the dead ones,"

'one of the dead ones' god he felt disgusting just saying it. But that's all he really could say. None of them lived long enough for them to know anything about them. They couldn’t pin personality and preferences to any of them like they had before! None of this batch lived long enough to fight reapers or watch plants and animals with curious awe.

Dick’s silence was deafening, hope dying slowly. It was like being stabbed, Dick was the one who so desperately wanted a new baby sibling to come out of this tragedy.

“Hey, I-“

“Father wants you two to join him patrolling,” Damian interrupted.

“Aren’t Cass, Steph, and Tim already doing that?”

Damian scoffed, “They have their own territories to patrol Thomas” Damian snapped. “The hell hole was blocked off!”

“And that means…?” Duke questioned, trailing off as the younger scoffed.

“Any idiot with a brain could understand that means we have to watch for sea dragons,”

Terror settled in his stomach. “Those things are real?!” He screeched, gills flaring.

“Real and hungry. What do you think is going to happen when they no longer have a fresh supply of reapers to snack on?” Damian mused and Duke could almost see the sharp-toothed grin on the youngers face

“Well I’m hoping they start eating rocks instead but I’ve gotta feeling you’re going to tell me otherwise.”

“It’s going to wander through the lost river and eat everything in the crater that moves,” Damian warned.

“Damian quit scaring Duke," Dick chimed in exasperatedly.

" I'm not!" Damian protested.

"You quite clearly are, Baby fish!" Dick replied voice laced with faux authority.

"It's not my fault he asked a stupid question!"

"Wait..." He started, pushing himself off the ground, flicking his tail to glide through the kelp forests. " Are we or are we not going to be eaten by a sea dragon?"

"No Duke, they only need to eat large meals every so often,"

"If you see one outside the lava zones switch forms and swim away. We're faster, they won't see us as something worth chasing" Dick explained.

"Oh..." That was relieving, the amount of damage a sea dragon could potentially cause him was terrifying. Precursors had made the fatal mistake of messing with one and you don't exactly see any of them around anymore.

"Why does Bruce need us then?" Duke could almost hear the infuriated shriek from here.

"What part of precursor activity screams 'business as usual'?"

"Be nice you two," Dick warned. Duke shook his head, gliding his way toward the impact site.

"I think he's just bitter that he's the one who was tasked with watching the shallows" Duke teased, an uproar of laughter flooding the bond at Damian's offended squawk.

"At least I won't have to deal with the reapers!" Damian bragged

"You won't if you'd get your ass to the shallows Demon spawn," Jason piped up.

"Plenty of reapers in the dunes kid,"

"Snitch,"

"Slacker,"

Duke snickered as he slithered into the crash zone. Murky waters, from the massive amounts of sand yet to settle at the seabed. Chunks of metal littered the impact site an egg floating upside down yet not a trace left of the red blood that spilled into the ocean the other day. Reapers circled the site, teeth snapping at anything they saw.

A blur of red entered his peripherals, Jason used his horn to stab through a chunk of metal before launching it full force at a charging reaper. A loud snap as the metal hit its target shrapnel spray slicing into a shrieking reaper.

"These fuckers are getting bolder every single day," Jason laughs humorlessly. Mandibles snap, teeth gnash, reaper screaming louder and louder as it starts circling the two of them. "I almost miss the Sea dragon," Jason joked. A gnarled pinkish burn scar on his left side, dorsal fin torn off and smaller burns littering Jason's body told him he would never in fact "Miss the sea dragon,"

@ashoutinthedarkness @avelnfear @meira-3919 @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @hugsandchaos @blep-23 @zeldomnyo @bytheoldwillowtree @justwannabecat @shepherdsheart @starlightcat04 @stargazing-bookwyrm @pupstim