#still have scars

[unknownalamir]

When I was 18, I saved my brother's life.

It was the Friday after my high-school graduation, my little brother was 10 at the time and it was his last day of 5th grade. My family (my parents, my younger sister, my little brother, and my godmother) and some of my sister's friends traveled a several hours to this place called Lava Hotsprings in Idaho.

There's this river that goes through the town there under multiple bridges that you can raft down. Normally when we go there the water is fairly low and it's easy to get in and out of the tubes. When we got there it was around 6:30 - 7 ish and starting to get slightly chilly, the water was a bit above waist height on me (5'1) and seemed okay to raft in, all of the experienced adults agreed that it'd be good for tubing. And of course, there was no one else on the river, and every time we've been tubing before it had at least a few people.

My godmother had a recent surgery and was still in a wheel chair and didn't want to raft. When my mom mentioned being concerned about her I offered to go in the raft with my brother so they could relax in the hot pots nearby. My dad decided to drop them off and took his truck to the other side of town to wait and help us get the tubes out of the river.

Originally my godmother was going to be waiting in ma's truck at the area where you take your tube out of the river so that we could join her when we were done, my mom was planning to be in the tube with my brother and I was going to be in the tube with my dad while my sister tubed with her friends.

So I ended up being the oldest person on the river, with awful swimming skills, a raft that's in a different style than what I normally use (Google intex river run 2 person tube, its the closest I could find), and kid that I love and adore and would literally die for. Not that I really thought about any of those things at the time.

It went really great at first, for about 5 minutes, until we went over a small waterfall and got spun around. It was tiny, not usually a problem, but the rafts we were using had a plastic bottom and headrests that got in the way when I tried to use my arms and legs to move us. All the bumps in the river became a danger because I wasn't able to move the raft well enough, but I wasn't worried, after all, it was just a minute or so till the next drop off point, right?

And then, after another series of spinning and being jostled by the river, I got so focused on the next bump and how best to brace myself for that one and the one after that I didn't see the rock sticking out of the bank. It wouldn't have been a problem for me, but it was on my brother's side of the raft and I didn't see it coming until right before my brother's head slammed into it.

At first, I thought It'd be fine. He was crying, sure, but it's probably just a concussion at most, right? I could be calm enough for the both of us until we reached the next place I could drag our raft out. And then I saw the blood in his hair as it poured out of a gash on the back of his head and I started panicking and trying my best to get us out of the river despite the numerous branches and rocks that covered the river bank. When I finally saw a bare area that could be used to get tubes in and out of the river, I tried my best to get there.

Unfortunately, the previously mentioned issues with moving the raft came up. At the time I was the normal recuperating-from-life-and-finals exhausted on top of the physical exhaustion from trying to get us out of the fucking river, and the lack of being able to use my feet and arms as leverage while remaining inside the tube (in order to not be swept away from my brother by the stronger than expected river) was not helping. I missed the potential exit spot.

And then things got even worse as we went under the cities main bridge with it's tall concrete wall and rocks replacing the river bank (Just look up Lava hot springs tubing, you'll see the fucking concrete wall and the many bridges over the river). 

Do you know what a drowning machine is? It's when water flows over a low-head dam and creates a backwash (a current that recirculates) that can trap objects and people, and makes it nearly impossible to escape, even for experienced swimmers (which I am very much not).

In the fucking concrete wall area of the river, there are some rocks that go up slightly then a small drop, it was enough to make a small cycling current. When we went over the rocks, the water was going fast enough and the rocks were high enough that the tube just went over the backwash and it would have been fine if I was not having a panic attack and my brother wasn't severely injured. And due to him being injured and disoriented, he was not able to stay in the raft and got flung off. 

I fucking jumped out of the raft (which you should not do, the area is filled with very sharp rocks and rounded rocks that feel sharp and are painful when you are barefoot) and did my best to fight the river to get to the backwash area while holding on to the tube's black cord thing. I am a shit swimmer, if he was in the backwash, I would not have been able to get him out. As it was I had just barely gotten to the backwash and the only reason I was not pulled in was because of my death grip on the cable as the river tried to drag the tube away and me with it. Then I hear my brother screaming and I turn around and there he is, clinging to the raft as hard as I am, using the tension of me holding onto the cable as the raft and I are pulled in two different directions, climbing back into his seat even as he sobs hysterically and I am fucking leaping back into the tube to join him and I still don't fucking know how I did that.

I am like, not even fully in the raft from that point forward. I am on the side of the tube, trying to use my legs as leverage as best as I can to get to the nearest bare spot in the river bank. I am also failing miserably and tearing up my feet the entire way while occasionally getting more into the raft to avoid being dragged over small waterfalls and logs. 

Then we're going under the bridge that connects East Side Park to the rest of the town, and on the other side are all the riverside restaurants where you can see people tubing while you eat. And at least a dozen people saw us and heard me screaming for help and did NOTHING. 

Finally, an older women saw and began yelling to me that there was an area a meter or so ahead, just out of sight, where we could get out. A few younger boys, mid teens, heard her too and ran to east park to help us get out. 

That was when I became almost parallell to the water as I used ever bit of leverage I could get and any energy I had left to haul us, tube with my brother still in it, onto the bank. We just barely made it on the bank, and the river was still trying to drag the tube and us with it. That's when the boys got there and helped me drag the tube the rest of the way onto the shore and then into the park. 

My brother had mostly stopped bleeding at this point, and the blood that soaked his hair had washed away when he was in the water near the concrete wall from hell. This was when he told me that all he had was a headache and that he was still terrified, while trying to hug me to death. 

I, on the other hand, was still having a panic attack, and somehow wasn't hyperventilating, while carrying the tube and trying to call my dad and walk at the same time. Apparently my feet and legs were also covered in dirt, gravel, and scrapes, but I didn't really notice that until about ten minutes later when I tried to get in the truck and almost passed out from pain and the loss of adrenaline. 

It wasn't until after I was in dad's truck wrapped in towels, with my brother holding an icepack to his head while equally covered in towels and refusing to let go of me, as we made our way to the nearest ER (30 min away) that I started hyperventilating and sobbing.

When we got to the hospital (I think it was in the town north of Lava? I don't remember the name) we were told that it would take us 2 - 3 hrs to be seen. So we drove another half hour or so to the nearest open clinic and waited over 45 min to get seen. 

It was awful. My parents and the doctors (and the rest of my family when they arrived in the other truck) were calling me a hero. But it just felt like my fault. It still feels like my fault. If I had just payed more attention, if I hadn't tried to be more adult, if I had remebered that I had my phone and called my parents while I was still in the river, if I had protested more about going to Lava when I didn't want to go in the first place. It wouldn't have been like this.

We both ended up fine, with no concussions or fractures or broken anything for either of us. They gave us some antibiotics to keep us from getting infected from anything in the river. I got my feet wrapped and bandages for the scrapes.

My parents took us to get hot chocolate and McDonald's afterwards. 

I know it's not my fault, but I still feel like it is. Even with how long it's been, I still feel awful about it. I didn't learn about drowning machines until after when my brother turned on a video about it and asked if there was one in the river. 

I had trouble walking for ages, I kept having to peel my socks off after my shoes rubbed against the injuries enough for blood to soak through the bandages, or for them to start bleeding again when they weren't bandaged. 

I tried multiple times to write vent posts both here on reddit and on tumblr since it happened. Most of them are still left in my drafts, unposted.

I've never gone back to Lava Hotsprings. Even if I did, I'm refusing to go back in that river. I don't want to go tubing ever again either. This is one of the few events I'll never forget.

[valeriapryanikova]

This season, on Hermitcraft...

(speedpaint)

[razzafrazzle]

enough strong bads... time for strong sads (theres still a strong bad here)

[image description: a page of drawings of a human design of strong sad from homestar runner, where she is depicted as a fat, tan-skinned trans woman with gray and brown hair pulled into a bun and multiple piercings. she is wearing a gray sweatshirt, jeans, and steel-toed combat boots, and next to her is a note stating that she is trans and bisexual and that her pronouns are she/they. next to that is a drawing of her smiling and wearing a sloshy t-shirt, and above that is a comic of strong bad poking her in the stomach and saying "even her gender is my hand-me-downs", to which she stays silently angry at him. end id]

[hinamie]

cursed kids v2 ⚠️👹

i've been a jjk first years stan since day one and have been wanting to redraw the first art i did featuring the three of them

[cutiesigh]

❤️🖤🩷

Wuthering Waves has taken over all of my free time recently, so here's a sketch of Scar!Ren I originally shared in da 14DWY Discord!!

[applestruda]

something something fake panel of a dungeon meshi last life au

[inkyrainstorms]

based on the Billstill au by @jellynut! You guys should totally go check it out, it's so cool and angsty and somehow my monkey brain took that idea and made it Stan tormenting Bill forevermore. (This has spiraled rapidly not its own au of an au based on an earlier idea I had once) (might draw more of this au and that one who knows)

This has been going on for at least 15 hours straight, and Stan is having the time of his goddamn life watching Bill suffer

And then Bill gave Stan horrendous night terrors

And then Stan bought a giant bag of nachos and ground them up into crumbs and dumped them in the sea or some shit

Transcript and full image under cut

Bill, floating intangibly: You're a loser, Mac

Stan, looking up from his magazine: Yeah? And you're an interdimensional demon dumb enough to die in my head. You're the biggest idiot I know, and I know me

[spicyraeman]

dipping back into the band au with some wyll

[chrisrin]

HE'S GONNA STEAL--NOT JUST YOUR HEART--BUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN AS WELL!!!

[uncharted-constellations]

They’re disgustingly codependant, theyre travelers, theyre investigators, they’re playing footsie at 50,000 feet.

Also a full mockup of the arm because im proud of it

[nunkisketches]

"Can I really find my place here?"

[notozthewizard]

I am *not* procrastinating doing my important projects by sketching ghoap hurt/comfort, why do you ask?

[vaguely-concerned]

from what I infer from some of his dialogue, my guess is that while lucanis hasn't had a proper relationship before he has had one night stands and short term flings. and -- listen, I know he's a dick and a menace and probably a hopeless case but please do still spare illario dellamorte a moment of your thoughts and pity for the role of incredulous yet intrepid wing man that he's all but certainly had to play on several occasions for that to happen. there are 100% people out there who were trying SO fucking hard to get no strings attached laid by this stupidly hot emotionally unavailable mysterious stranger who won't be in town for long without lucanis ever realizing it. people who would have remained tragically unlaid if illario weren't there to clue him in.

I'm just imagining Illario staring in pure dismay and disbelief at his dumbass of a cousin failing to pick up what someone isn't just putting down but scattering all over the floor like glittery confetti burning with a magnesium flame brightness to spell out 'SIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RAIL ME THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ENTHUSIASTIC INVITATION TO MY BED' and having to push him out the door after them like 'maker's breath sometimes i don't understand how you have the wits to grip the right end of a knife, lucanis, they were throwing themselves at you and you just stared at them in mild puzzlement until they gave up and went away go fucking GET THEM for the sake of my sanity if nothing else!!!'

[yuutaguro]

a little wip 🏗️ since i got scarjo on the mind as well 🙇🏻

[hinamie]

theyre soft your honour

[ruporas]

invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here