#still got twenty minutes on the train then two buses and god. I don’t know if I can stay awake

[freckleslikestars]

I love public transport but holy fuck is it hard to use when you’ve not slept properly in a couple days and the motion is lulling you to sleep

[birdsandspades]

I Was Never Good at Waiting (Sugawara X Reader) Chapter 6

- It was your last year in highschool, everything had been going smoothly until you got assigned the new teacher. Sugawara Koushi was handsome, maybe too handsome for his own good. Be he wasn't flirting with you right, teachers shouldn't do that....I guess we will see where this year goes.

Word Count - 5,459

----

It had been a few weeks since you last spoke to Sugawara. You weren’t really sure what words to say to him at this point. Sure you were still mad, he was after all a huge ass for talking to you the way he did. But you couldn’t help but feel bad for your actions as well. For all you knew, the sweet glances, the soft smiles, the entrancing conversations. Well maybe you had exaggerated his intentions a little. Maybe he was just uncomfortable, stuck in a situation he didn’t know how to escape. But god dammit, you were not going to ask him for help with your math homework. 

Your grade had tanked in the last few weeks. You did the work, put in all the motions. But your brain just wasn’t soaking up the sweet, sweet academic knowledge. This was the reason Oikawa was stationed at your dining room table, looking through your math book just as confused as you had moments before. 

You had tried to call Iwaizumi for the extra help instead, but he was on a romantic getaway with his significant other. “Call Tooru-sensei F/N, you know he would come if you asked.” Iwaizumi was clearly not interested in helping you, even if he was home you would have been out of luck.

“But you were the one who tutored him in school Hajime. Do you really think he's gonna be any help to me?” You groaned in response.

He knew you had a point. The boy’s brain only operated on three levels, volleyball, girls, and a very small sliver, an absolutely miniscule piece, was dedicated to harassing you.“Figure it out F/N, I'll see you at the spring tournament ok?” Iwaizumi tried his best to understand your situation, but that didn’t mean he wanted to actively continue this conversation. 

“Ok Hajime.” Your voice was soft, not wanting to press the matter further. You listened as the line died, your only hope fading out with it.

Now that you thought about it, you might feel worse for Oikawa at the moment. He was clearly about to blow a gasket trying to figure out where the X went in your problem. “This one has a typo, let's skip ahead.” 

You rolled your eyes as he turned to the next page of your book. “Senpai, you’ve said that about the last five problems.”You were getting annoyed now. He had skipped over almost every problem you attempted so far. These were only the warmup questions, what would happen when he got to the actual work?

He looked up, frowning at your displeased tone.“Well maybe they should have checked over the book better.” He shrugged slightly, lowering his shoulders in defeat. 

This man was no help. 

“Snacks incoming!” Your mom smiled, leaning over the table to set down the plate in her hand.

She had come home for the weekend with your grandfather to check in on you. They would make the trip maybe once a month just to make sure you were well stocked on food and the bills were getting paid. She had been pleasantly surprised to find Oikawa with you when she returned home from shopping. Giddy to dot on the boy while she had the chance.

She loved him, and always had. She thought of you two as inseparable, even now when his job took him across the ocean. Wherever you went, he was never hard to find. Whether it be phone calls, strange gifts that reminded him of you, or even visiting whenever he had the free time. She knew he would always be near. That was one reason she agreed to let you stay home while she was in Tokyo. Even when she was gone, you were safe with him. He would do anything for you, that was perfectly clear. 

“Tooru don’t work so hard honey.” She cooed, rubbing small circles into his back. 

 “Mom, what about me? It's my homework.” You whined at the lack of attention, pulling the book from Oikawa’s hands.

Wiggling a finger your way she shook her head. “You need to work harder! You're failing the class, not him.” She frowned your way as you sank into your chair.

You felt defeated. Between your useless cousin, the single brain cell Oikawa had, and your  grumpy mother it was inevitable. You slapped your hands together, bowing your head in prayer. “I know we don’t talk often, but please don’t make me have to ask Sugawara-sensei for help on Monday. Kill me instead, anything but talking to him.”

“F/N, don’t start praying! I’ll figure it out! I’m sure I can find the X...” He pulled the book from your hands, frantically flipping through the pages.

The weekend came to an end, and you were in no better shape for your class. Your mother and grandfather had left Sunday night to return to Tokyo, the trip home ending far too soon.  

“F/N, make sure you water the garden once a day ok, and don’t stay up all night playing video games. That animal island game can wait, Pudge, that's his name right? Well he can wait for your homework to be done, and please stop eating spicy ramen for every meal. Your tummy is gonna hurt.” She rambled on as she checked that all the bags were lined up at the train station stop. She looked back up at you, letting out an exaggerated sigh. She grabbed the sides of your open coat, pulling it together roughly as she zipped it up to your chin. “And wear your coat properly, you’ll catch cold like that!”

The train rumbled into the station, easing to a stop at the yellow lines in front of you and your family. The doors slid open, a small rush of passengers exiting as they continued on their ways.

“Ok mom, bye love you!” You hugged her tightly before spinning her around. You gave her a light push as she grabbed her bags, walking her to the open doors. You turned around, chuckling at your amused grandfather. You walked over to him, resting into his outstretched arms. You looked up, nose brushing his coat as you smiled. “Please don’t ever change grandpa, you're the only normal member of our family.” 

He smiled back down at you, giving you a reassuring squeeze.“I love you too peaches, everythings gonna turn out just fine, I promise.” He gave you a wink, his hand dipping into your coat pocket. “Don’t waste it!” He teased, as leaned over to pick up his bag. 

You watched as he joined your mother on the train, waving at you as he sat down. The train doors closed, pulling away from the station as it continued on to Tokyo. You reached into your pocket, pulling out a folded 2,000 yen note. You laughed as you put it back. “How does grandpa always know what to say, truly a man of infinite wisdom.” You waved the train off as it disappeared down the tracks.

----

You had snoozed your alarm one too many times Monday morning, finally realizing your mistake twenty minutes before your first train left the station. You would have loved to say you were up all night doing something fun, maybe beating Doom for the third time this month, or catching up on your manga. But you had woken up at the table in your room, drool sticking the homework you had used as a pillow to your face.

You were rushing to get ready, throwing on your uniform as you frantically stuffed your books into your bag. Before long you were out of time, tripping down the stairs as you pulled up your sock. You had no time for lunch, you didn’t even have time to fix your bedhead. You ran out the front door, relying on the auto lock as you sped towards the main road. You attempted to tie your hair up as you rounded the corner to the crosswalk, the red hand illuminated from the other side of the road. You looked at the pole, both hands occupied in your mess of hair. You lifted your leg, kicking the button a few times as you impatiently waited for your turn to cross.  Once it did you bolted across the street, shouting apologies as you pushed your way down the stairs and toward your approaching train. You barely squeezed past the closing doors, still attempting to catch your breath as the train pulled away from the station.

Collapsing into your seat you pulled out your bag to check that you had everything for your day. Homework (still kinda wet), text books, lunch (if you could call a bag of chips lunch), practice gear. Where was your practice gear? You attempted to recall your morning, thinking back to the last time you had everything in your sight.  

“So I woke up, got dressed, put on my sweater backwards, put my things on the table, made lunch, and then I….left it on the fucking table.” The train pulled into it's first stop, the doors opening for the waiting passengers. You stood up, pushing your way past the crowd as you ran for the next train home. This just wasn’t your day.

----

You couldn’t believe how late you were when you finally made it to the school. “It’s 9:30, i’m screwed.” You mouthed, taking your tardy slip from the office attendant. You rushed up the school stairs, trying to make it to your classroom as fast as possible. As if that would change the fact that you were an hour late to school. You ran a sweaty hand over your messy hair before pulling the classroom door open. You closed it quietly, turning around slowly to an empty classroom.

Sugawara sat with his feet propped up on the desk at the front of the room. His phone in his hands as he scrolled through emails. 

“Sensei, i’m sorry i’m late...” You mumbled, looking at the rows of empty desks. You made your way to the front of the room, setting the tardy slip on his desk.

“L/N-san, why aren't you on the bus? They are leaving for the field trip!” Sugawara’s eyes went wide as he looked up at you from his phone. He stood up from his seat, glancing between you and the piece of paper. 

“Field trip? Was the field trip to the science museum today?” Your face dropped as you realised just what day it was. Sure it was Monday, the first Monday of the month. The first Monday of the month when they take all the students to the 3M Sendai Science Museum.

“Maybe we can still get you on the last buses?” Sugawara wrapped a hand around your wrist, pulling you behind him as he ran down the hallway and out to the south gym. 

“How are they already all gone…” Sugawara knew the last bus had left at 9:00, but he had hoped to at least see some transportation left.

You looked at the empty lot, not a single bus in sight. What were you going to do now, they had shipped out the entire school for this field trip. 

“Is there any way we can get her to the museum, I could drive her?” Sugawara was now at the front office, nervously talking with the secretary. 

“I’m sorry, but she’s just going to have to spend the day in her classroom.” The woman gave you an apologetic look. She mouthed a few words to Sugawara, too quiet to make out before walking back to your desk.

Sugawara turned back to you, motioning for you to follow him back to the classroom as he walked past you.

 Once you got back to the classroom you made your way to your desk, silently sliding into your seat. You looked over to your teacher, shifting uncomfortably as your eyes met his.

“Well you can work on any extra work you have. If you have any questions, i'll be in my office.” He leaned back on his heels before turning to enter his office. The door clicked closed behind him, the only sound left being the ticking of the clock on the wall.

You nodded to yourself, excepting that again today was just not your fucking day.

You had finished most of your work by 11:00, but the day was far from over. You looked at your last assignment, the creased ends of the page sticking out of the end of your math book. You had saved it for last for no other reason then to not do it. But the day was moving by so slowly, and you were going to have to finish it eventually.

“I might as well ask, i’m not going to finish this by myself.” You pulled at the paper, sliding it out of the book inch by inch. You could see the mess of work etched into the white sheet, the ghosts of prior mistakes partially erased in the background. “Sensei, could you help me with this problem?” You squeaked out the question, holding your breath as you listened for movement behind the office door. “Maybe if he doesn’t hear me I can just give up and take a nap.” You weren’t quiet enough, the door opening as Sugawara made his way over to your desk.

Sugawara pulled a chair over from the adjustment desk, taking a seat next to you. He motioned for you to show him the question, looking down at the paper in front of you. You felt it was better for him to just see the whole paper at this point. You slid the work to him, watching as his face contorted in confusion. He picked up your pencil, marking spots as he attempted to work through whatever thought process you had had. 

“Oikawa tried to help me…” You added, hoping he wouldn’t think all the stupidity on the paper was you. 

Laying it back in front of you, he handed you back your pencil. “You're close, it's a simple mistake really.” He leaned over the desk, resting his elbow on the table and his head in his hand as he guided you through your missteps. 

You always loved how he would say that. “A simple mistake. ”Like it was easily fixable. It made your confidence skyrocket, that's probably why he was such a good teacher. You watched him work through a few, briefly stopping at each step to check back in with you. 

“Yeah, you got it, see I knew you could do it!” His brilliant smile made your stomach flutter. It was a fleeting slight, soon he had turned his attention back to the problems. 

“Thank you sensei.” You smiled to yourself, moving on to the next question on your sheet.

 After a few minutes Sugawara had deemed you on the right path, standing up to return to his office. He closed the door, leaving a small gap as he disappeared from view.

“And he’s gone…” You had liked the company, a pleasant change from the quiet classroom you had been sitting in for the past three hours. 

A few minutes later he emerged from his office, ,a stack of papers in hand as he walked over to his desk. Sitting down, he propped his feet up on the desk. He set a small pile of papers on his lap, pulling the cap off a red pen as he started to grade. He peaked up for a moment, giving you a quick smile before turning over the paper in his hand.

You watched him for a while, taken aback by his sudden change of mood. For weeks he had been cold and distant, avoid you like the plague. But here he was, choosing to sit in the same room, smiling at you. It was baby steps, but steps nonetheless. 

It had felt like you were a flower living under perpetual clouds, but the sun had started to return, and you were basking in it. 

“Sensei?” You called out, pulling nervously at your sleeves.

He looked up at you again, his eyebrow knitting together. 

“It was now of never, just fucking say it, get it over with and say it.” You straightened up in your seat, leaning towards the edge of your chair.“Sensei i’m sorry. What I said was uncalled for, I should have just told you I didn’t want to continue the tutoring lessons. I…my actions were uncalled for and I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward situation.” You looked down at your hands, fingers digging into the material of your skirt. You felt a hand on your head, gently patting your hair down. You tilted your head up slightly, blushing as you met Sugawara’s bright smile.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come off so harsh. You had a right to be uncomfortable talking to me about it.” His voice was soothing, his smile turning soft. His irises twitched, sadness washing over the brown hues as he pulled his hand away. 

“Could we maybe, start over. I really was grateful for you helping me.” You stood up, attempting to stand eye level with the person in front of you. 

Sugawara contemplated the question, uncertainty pulling at his lips. “I don’t know L/N-san, I’m pretty busy.” 

You frowned at his answer, he did have a life after all. Probably friends, pets, maybe even a girlfriend. Of course he would rather spend his time after school with them, not tutoring a student on a subject he didn’t even teach.

“But, if you can promise me you’ll show up. I can give you back your Mondays and Fridays.”He shrugged lightly, amused with your reaction.  

“Thank you so much Sensei, I-i’ll do anything to make up for it!” You bounced up and down on your heels, absolutely ecstatic.  

He cocked his eyebrow at the word anything, chuckling to himself. “Just make sure you make it to the Spring tournament.” He made his way back to his desk as you sat back down.

You had missed the sun.

The rest of the day came and went, the ticking of the clock no longer ringing in your empty ears.

You had finished your work right as the lunch bell rang, officially all out of schoolwork for the day. You and Sugawara ate lunch together in the classroom, taking the time to go over extra problems from your math book. 

“So, if you take away 47, add these totals together and...are you just eating a bag of chips for lunch?” He stared at you in horror as you pulled out the bag, his stomach hurting for you. 

“I um, didn’t have time to make a...yeah, this is all i'm eating. You're looking at me like my mom…” You shrank in your seat, pulling the bag closer. 

He shook his head at you before continuing the lesson. 

The rest of the day you spent in his office, looking over all his belongings as he typed away on his computer. 

“Hey, can you get out of my things. Don’t you have something to do?” He groaned, watching you pick through his book collection.

“Yeah, annoy you.” You rested your finger on a blue book, sliding it out of it's stop. You flipped through the pages, walking over to sit down on the couch.

“Comfy?” he laughed, watching as you rolled over. Your back now on the seat cushions as your head fell off the side of the sofa.

You let your feet rest on the windowsill, crossing your legs as your back sank into the couch. You looked up at him, tilting your head to see him peering down at you. “Yes, quite.” You giggled, laying your head back down.

Once school had officially ended he walked you to the front doors, waving a goodbye as he watched you walk down the courtyard and towards the school gates. The school buses wouldn't be returning for another two hours, but you had no real reason to stay past the normal school hours. Practice had been canceled for the day ,making your extra trip home useless. “But the day hadn’t gone to waste” ,you thought, smiling to yourself.

----

“Koushi, you're coming out. You’ve been so moppy for weeks. Get ready and i'll send you the address.” Daichi yelled into the phone, already at the bar. 

Sugawara ended the call with Daichi and sighed. He just wanted to spend his weekend relaxing, not at some dive bar. But his friends had been harassing him for weeks about not coming out. He was having a hard time coming up with excuses at this point.

 It was already Saturday, an entire week had flown by. You and him were civil again, but not completely the same. He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he leave things as they were, at least you were talking. Or should he press furth, see how close he could get to crossing the line with you. He just didn’t know, and being here tonight wasn’t going to help that.

Sugawara walked into the tiny dive bar, looking around for his friends in the crowd of people.  He found them at the bar, shoulders pressed against the other bar patrons as they attempted to wave down the bartender.Sugawara set a hand on each of their shoulders, turning them slightly to greet them. 

“You're here!” Daichi smiled, pulling his friend into a hug.

“We honestly didn’t expect you to come.” Asahi laughed, joining in the reunion.

“Well I wouldn’t have picked this place…” Sugawara looked around at the overly packed bar. “Why is it so busy, isn’t this place little dated for all these kids?” Sugawara looked around at the adolescents crowding the stage area, grimacing. He wasn’t much older, but he had never much liked his age group. 

“Some pop punk band is playing tonight, I guess they are big with the college students.” Asahi smiled, leaning against the bar to order. 

“So who’s the girl that has you so worked up?” Daichi questioned, shouting over the bar noise.

‘’No girl, just work.” Sugawara scowled at Daichi, a warning for him to stop prying. 

“I know that look Koushi, who’s the girl?” He had been friends with Sugawara for long enough to know the difference in his moods. Work made Sugawara grumpy, and girls made him moody. He knew the difference.

Sugawara sigh. “It doesn't matter, we're technically not allowed to be talking anyways.”

Asahi offered Sugawara a bottle, nudging him as he took it. “You got a crush on one of your coworkers?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Sugawara rolled his eyes, bringing the bottle to his lips.

Daichi laughed as the house lights went down, the crowd cheering.

“Hi, we're Systematic. We have some shirts and stuff for sale at the front if you're into that.”You turned to your drummer as he counted off for the song to start. “This is “Painkiller.”

He couldn’t fucking believe it, that was you, in a band, playing at a bar, right in front of him. 

“Hey, they actually sound pretty good. The singer is kinda cute!” Daichi laughed, pointing towards you.

“I'm being punished right? I did something awful in my past life and that's why all of this is happening.” Sugawara turned towards his friends, clasping his hands together. “Kill me please.”He pleaded to his friends, desperation in his eyes. 

“I can’t hear you!” Asahi furrowed his eyebrows as Koushi’s lips continued to move, raising a hand to his ear.

“You could hit me with your car, or mine, maybe throw me off a cliff.” It was useless, his friends were absorbed in the song. Completely ignoring his impending break down, too fascinated with the bubbly girl bouncing around onstage. 

As the first song came to an end, a stagehand met you with a guitar and a water bottle at the edge of the black curtains. You took the guitar from her, adjusting the strap as you walked back over to the microphone. “Today’s set is short, but we will be at Kyoritsu Kodo next month. Door price is set at 4,000, so show up and support Ryu’s bleach addiction.” You laughed as you threw a guitar pick at the bass player. 

He ducked out of the way, flipping you off. 

You counted off the next song and the band started, the upbeat tempo resonating through the crowd. 

He had to admit, you looked happy. The way you bounced up and down along with the drums made him smile. He would have maybe picked a warmer outfit if he were you, but the new look was refreshing to say the least. 

You had on a black sweater dress, one size too big as it hung off your shoulder. The purple of your thigh high socks peaked out from your equally high black boots. He could faintly make out a small bow on each side of the straps most likely connected to the garters further up your legs. He was trying to leave most of that to the imagination.

“This is all too much…” His face was growing hot as he watched you dance around the stage. Prompting the crowd to move along with you as you sang into the microphone.“At Least she dances like an old lady, that's helping a little.” 

You stretched out your arm, turning the microphone to the crowd. Beaming as they sang the chorus back to you.

He had seen that smile only a handful of times. He saw it when you were walking in the hallways with your friends, laughing as they argued. He saw it while setting yourself up for a serve. And he saw it now as you closed your eyes, basking in the crowd singing along. 

The final cords played as you opened your eyes again. “So that was our rendition of “Sports”, next is a song I wrote on the train last week. It’s the byproduct of a broken heart and shoujo binge reading.” You chuckled awkwardly as your band tuned for the song. “So this is “All I Wanted.” You slid the microphone back into the stand, adjusting it to reach your lips.

Sugawara pushed forward, moving through the crowd in an attempt to see you better.

“Hey Koushi is moving up to the stage, lets go!” Daichi grabbed Asahi’s arm, pulling him along as he fought to keep up with Sugawara.

Sugawara stopped a few feet away from the stage, worried you would see him in the crowd if he got any closer. Sugawara was losing himself as he watched you, your hands gripping the microphone stand for support as you sang. The song was different from the rest, sadder, full of emotions. It was you, more so than the rest. He started to wonder who you had written it for, who had given you so many different feelings. Maybe Yoshiki, you two seemed close enough for that. 

The band cut off, leaving you alone. He saw the tears lining your lashes as you belted into the microphone, eyes closed tight. “All I wanted was you!” The band came back on your last note, the full sound reverberating around the full room. Sugawara bit his lip, fighting back the emotions that flooded his mind. He could see the hurt you held as you opened your eyes, the glistening of forming tears reflecting the stage lights as you looked into the crowd.

The song ended too soon, the house lights rising. You pulled at your sleeve, wiping at your eyes as you waved a goodbye. “Thanks for coming out, I'm Kiko and we are Systematic.” You smiled brightly, trying to take in the faces in the crowd one last time. Your rotation stopped on a familiar pair of hazel eyes, your own growing wide as you looked his way.

“Did she see me? She looked right at me…” Sugawara thought. He stood still, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck. 

Your face dropped as the realization set in, turning abruptly to make your way off the stage.

 “She definitely saw me.” Sugawara groaned.

You were trying to pack up and leave when you heard shouting from the stage. You grabbed a handful of wires, stuffing them into a bag as you rushed to finish. 

“Hey, you can’t go backstage!” A stagehand yelled from behind the curtains.

“Koushi, what the hell are you doing? Get off the stage!” You couldn’t pick out the voice from the dissipating crowd, turning to see what exactly was going on.

You watched Sugawara push through the curtains, frantic eyes scanning for you. Panic setting in when you saw him push past a stage hand, his heated gaze on you.

You tried to crawl through the clothing rack behind you, the exit in sight as you pushed through the other side. A rough hand grabbed the collar of your dress, yanking you back out into the open.“Hi, sensei...what are you doing here?” You awkwardly laughed, looking for someone to save you.

“What am I doing here?” He laughed as he grabbed your forearm, pulling you towards the emergency exit. He pushed open the door, forcing you through before slamming it closed behind him.“Explain.” He glared down at you, blocking your escape.

You felt like you were under a search light, people staring at you as they walked by the fence. 

He waited for your response, looking over your face as you avoided his eye contract. “Can you please just tell me what is going on, and why you're at a dive bar at 11 p.m on a Saturday night.”His tone was softer now as he crossed his arms over his chest, his heated gaze easing into a warm stare. 

You might as well just get it all out. You took a deep breath, finally meeting his eyes.“So freshman year I really liked this band called Bunny, and I would go watch them at the university all the time. But the singer quit last year and they started up Systematic with the remaining members, but they needed a singer and I like singing. But I was only 17 at the time and they were looking for someone older. So I kind of auditioned as Kiko, a 21 year old college student. I don’t drink or do anything illegal...like super illegal. Because you know that me being in the bar is illegal because I'm only 18, but that's probably why you're mad. It’s just bars are the only shows we can get, and we're working hard to get a venue show and we have one next month. Sensei please don’t tell them how old I am. This band means the world to me.” Your shrank into your words, confidence dying.

He looked at you in shock at the paragraph you had just word vomited out. His attention turned away from you as the emergency door flung open. 

“Koushi what the fuck?” Daichi spat, looking between the two of you as Asahi followed behind him, apologizing to security on his way out the exit.

You looked at Sugawara, pleading him not to say anything. 

“This is the girl.” He sighed, it was this or exposing you. At least only one person suffered with this explanation. 

“This is THE girl?” Asahi gave his friend a confused look, pointing back and forth between the both of you.

“Wait, that sad song. Was that about him?” Daichi pointed to Sugawara, holding in a laugh. 

You shrugged slightly, nodding. Things honestly couldn't be going any worse.

“Ok, ok we're done here, shows over!” Sugawara grabbed Daichis arm, tugging him as he walked to the parking lot. He turned around, scowling.

“Th-thank you Suga...Koushi!” You stuttered out, giving him an awkward wave.

He mouthed a silent “We are talking about this tomorrow.” Turning back around to yell at his friends.

You were in some serious trouble, maybe it was time to make that cake.

---- 

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

----

*Hi, I just want make a disclaimer that I do not own any of the song's or art I used for this chapter or any others. Beach Bunny wrote Sports, and Painkiller. Paramore wrote All I Wanted ,and I wrote this mediocre fanfiction. I also want to say thank you for those of you reading this! It means alot that you would take the time to read it as the story unfolds! I hope your enjoying it, and if you have any thoughts, criticisms, or advice I would love to hear it! I am very much an amature at writing, but I want to give you the best chapters I can. So thank you again!*

[samotchkaficrecs]

Haikyuu!! Fic Recs #1

Hola! 

I have wanted to make this post for ages (and the reason this blog was created) and am really excited to share some of my favourite Haikyuu fics with everyone!

I will be putting a ‘★’ next to the ones that i highly recommend and love with my heart and soul.

Lets get started!

KageHina

In Transit - by Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe. 

(complete)

baby, i can give you wings - by Metis_Ink

In which there are superpowers, cats, rainstorms, realizations, split-second jealousy, embarrassing volleyparents, killer whales, electric Kuroos, unstable emotions, bad romance movie mentions, some angst, some fluff, but mostly a lot of awkward high schoolers.

The minute Kageyama walks into the gym and sees Hinata hovering eight feet over the nets he knows he’s screwed.

(complete)

★ fake it, make it - by zadderlee

"Because Kageyama is already dating someone!"

"Really? Who?"

“Me!” Hinata shouts suddenly, grabbing Kageyama’s hand as an afterthought and grinning triumphantly, like he’s somehow missed the implications of what he’s just done. Kageyama is going to kill him.

(ongoing)

Oblivious To Love - by Karumasa

Yellow filled Hinata’s vision. The inside of his bag was stuffed full with bananas.

Hinata was terrified.

(complete)

DaiSuga

★ Fake Wedding March - by tsukkkiii (becauseitisbitter)

Minutes before Daichi is going to introduce his fiance to his parents, he gets dumped via text. So while he sits in front of his parents, trying to figure out what to say, an angel appears next to him.

or: Suga pretends to be Daichi's fiance to save his ass.

(complete)

forever is a long time but i wouldn't mind spending it with you - by  Interconnected_3 

“What else?” Daichi blinks. “What else is there? Do you want me to tell you how you like your coffee?” He grins teasingly. “I don’t know, how do I like my coffee? By the way, you’re missing something.” “Cream and two and a half sugars- wait, I’m missing something?” “Yup,” Suga says. “You forgot to mention that we’re dating.” “Well, god, Suga, judging from how we’ve been kissing and holding hands for three years and in this bed for the past nine hours since last night, I couldn’t possibly tell.”

in which daichi finally gets the day off and teaches a romantically-frustrated suga how to be honest with himself. extreme fluff

(complete)

★ Black and Blue - by MTrash (Makaria)

Daichi's new (temporary) neighbor is not only stunningly beautiful but also funny, friendly, with just a touch of mysterious.

Naturally, Daichi freaks the fuck out.

(AU where everyone lives in the same building and everyone is gay)

(complete)

i do (cherish you) - by gabstar

The first time Daichi suggests it, it’s a joke.

“Sugawara Koushi,” he says solemnly. He’s bent on one knee, the floor is still sticky with sweat post-practice. He offers up the lost ring, found while mopping off gym floors. “Will you marry me?”

((Five times Daichi asks Suga to marry him, plus once where he finally, finally says yes.))

(complete)

TsukkiYama

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - by WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team. No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

(complete)

★ Do you see what I see? - by superpapershark   

Three times Tsukishima wonders what colour Yamaguchi's eyes are, and the one time he finds out.

(complete)

★ Try This On For Size - by CloudMonsta 

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

(complete)

Blood - by darkbluebox 

Words like "Muggle-born" and "Pure-blood" don't mean a lot when you're still a child, but everyone has to grow up sooner or later.

(complete)

AsaNoya

Setting Aside Your Pride and Your Prejudice - by sugamama_crowshi

“Oh, Pride and Prejudice?” an unfamiliar voice asked. Noya was pulled from his search as the man before him spoke. He blinked up at him a few times. Then he stared. Nishinoya’s mouth was probably hanging open slightly. He couldn’t help it. Before him stood the single most gorgeous man Nishinoya Yuu had every laid eyes on.

Nishinoya Yuu experiences love at first sight at the library. Azumane Asahi is excited to think that another Japanese person has heard of Jane Austen. Through a series of lies and café meetups the two begin to learn more about each other. And fall for each other too.

(complete)

★ I’d Like You Anyway - by KuriKuri 

Yū believes in soulmates, but that doesn’t mean he believes in them.

(Or: An AU in which any permanent marking you get on your body - like a tattoo - also appears on your soulmate. And Yū gets a lot of tattoos.)

(complete)

★ come and take a walk on the wild side - by Authoress 

There’s a bloodcurdling scream of terror, and then Noya remembers that, right, there’s a new person moving into the apartment next to him. Oops.

(in which Noya is accidentally the Worst Neighbor Ever, Asahi loses twenty years of his life to stress, and Rolling Thunder is the star of the show.)

(complete)

Under the Radar - by lilien passe (lilienpasse)  

Two weeks after Asahi rejoins the team, Noya finds himself starting to slip during practice. Missed receives, floor burns, the whole nine yards. But when Tanaka points out the possible cause, Noya's hard-pressed to believe him. There's no way someone as dopey yet implausibly-competent as Asahi could be the cause of all his distress. After all, Noya doesn't worry about much beyond the court, and he certainly doesn't hold grudges. Right? (Semi-AU)

(complete)

KuroKen

★ Saltwater Room - by hipster-yams (madamedicelia)

Kenma had been perfectly happy just attending class half-asleep, secretly practicing cello, and occasionally getting his hand stuck in the vending machine but certain people refuse to let his quiet bliss go on and force him to think about everything he's been trying to hide away in the depths of his mind for years.

(complete)

★ Water and Brimstone - by  aetherdrive 

Kuroo and Kenma are assigned to go undercover as a result of Bokuto’s awkward attempt at playing matchmaker... but their simple case turns out to be a lot more dangerous than they expected.

(complete)

[A/N: this one is a sequel to another fic Crisis Converted (which is also amazing), i will also link the whole series which features BokuAka, KuroKen and IwaOi here]

Show A Little Faith - by minijhi

“Why are you sending me a singing Valentine telegram?" Kenma asks, mouth flattened. "It’s six months until Valentine’s Day.”

“I bought a dwarf over the summer to use as cupid.” Kuroo says. “I figured he could use some practice.”

-

Presenting Kenma as the Boy-Who-Lived, whose living becomes a lot more interesting when Ravenclaw Prince Kuroo Tetsurou starts sending him singing telegrams about defeating the Dark Lord.

(complete)

In The Dark Of The Night - by dgalerab  

The Tokyo training camp has to use an older sports center while their usual one is renovated. Kenma is used to paying attention to the minor details, and the minor details in this place don't seem very friendly.

(Or: Kenma notices an angry ghost before anyone else does, and it's not a very good thing for Kenma.)

(complete)

IwaOi

the truth is out there - by shizuoh  

"I work at NASA," Hajime said, setting down his coffee.

Oikawa immediately jumped up and slammed his palms against the table. "I'll suck your dick if you tell me about the aliens."

(complete)

★ love me like you do - by crossbelladonna  

Iwaizumi’s family line is cursed to die a year after they fall in love. Admittedly, he knows falling for his childhood friend may be a mistake. But he did and he passed and Death got what he wants that is until Oikawa makes a trade—his memories for Iwaizumi’s life.

(complete)

The PDA jar - by Poteto

“What is that thing for?”

“I’m glad you asked, captain. This… is the Public Display of Affection jar. Or PDA jar for short.”

“Now whenever you do something that may hurt our children’s innocence, you’ll have to put money in the jar as a punishment."

(complete)

★ equilibrium - by laconicGhost \

Hajime sighs, leaning against the stove as he turns to face Tooru, who’s still peeking up at him from under his arm. He purses his lips and ignores the heat in his cheeks as he rolls a stiff shoulder.

“What?”

Tooru hides his face when he realizes he’s been caught, laughing a little bit to cover up his embarrassment. “I’m happy, Iwa-chan,” he says cheerfully.

(complete)

Multi/Misc.

★ Sincerely Yours - by quinnlocke [Multi.]

Saturday detention isn’t normally a place you go in order to find the answers to your problems

It’s where you go when you’ve fucked up bad enough you have to lose an entire Saturday to make up for what you’ve done.

The Prince and The Criminal were caught cutting class. The Outsider cursed out his Shakespeare professor. The Jock and The Brain got into a fist fight.

And the Birthday Boy, he’s not even supposed to be here...

(complete)

★ call me maybe - by totooru [MatsuMaki]

Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

(complete)

[A/N: this fic is freakin’ hilarious] 

Love It If We Made It - by mangetsu_san [KyouHaba]

Yahaba locks himself up in his room after their loss to Karasuno, so Kyoutani decides to take him on a little adventure.

(complete)

Mixed Signals - by snoqualmie [KyouHaba]

Feelings are definitely a thing he’s having. Kyoutani is really sweet. He’s family oriented and he prefers novels with female leads and he’s in all honors classes. He kind of has a big head, totally has a big smile, definitely has a big heart. His eyes are nice, he’s got that dimple. Yahaba groans and rubs his fists into his eyes.

(complete)

The Lost & the Found - by AJ (anna_panda) [Multi]

"Being lost is worth the being found."

Hinata thinks he finally knows his way around the castle, Kenma knows he definitely doesn't and it's a miracle Iwaizumi hasn't thrown Oikawa off the Astronomy Tower yet. Just another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry.

(ongoing)

it's easier for you to let me go - by burritosong [YakuLev]

the one with the proposal

(complete)

1800-GET-REKT - by doggoneit [KuroTsukki]

“I see you like it Between the Sheets.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your drink. It’s good stuff but I’m more of a Blowjob kinda guy.”

(complete)

★ Crumbling Foundations - by Captain_Hughes_ZU, ToshiChan [Gen]

Things like this didn't happen in Karasuno. It was just a school. Learning, making friends, taking exams and playing volleyball. Lots of volleyball. So it was really nothing out of the ordinary for the team to be in the gym on a simple Monday morning, training away. But two men walking into the gym with guns, one demanding to take his son? That wasn't ordinary, not at all...

(complete)

And that’s a wrap, i really enjoyed putting this together! Got a bit of nostalgia from when i first started getting into Haikyuu.

I hope you enjoy reading the fics i recommended, i still have heaps more so look out for a second part!

Anyways,

Au revoir!

[jimlingss]

Jungle Park [16]

Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17

➜ Words: 5.4k

➜ Genres: Fluff, Light Humour (?), Slice of Life, Workplace Romance!AU

➜ Summary: The equation is simple. Hoseok needs to hire someone. You need a job. Except like any actual equation, it’s not fucking simple at all! Not when you have to add the fact that he was forced to hire someone he doesn’t want in his office, he has little respect for your job in general, and oh yeah...once upon a time you might have—*CENSORED*.

The invitation came by email.   Your first thought was to refuse and you had even begun typing up an apology. But before you could write the second line, someone else had sent you a message. It was like she had a sixth sense and maybe she did because she asked if you were going to come. Then she guilt tripped you that it’s been so long, tried to convince you that it would be fun, do everything in her power to persuade you otherwise, as if she was part of a pyramid scheme and was trying to get you to join.   Hani has always been fearfully persuasive and that’s how you find yourself dragging your feet towards Hoseok’s office.   You knock three times and there’s a muffled— “What.”   “It’s me.” The door cracks open and at the sound of your voice, Hoseok puts down his pen and looks up at you.   The corner of his lips pull into a smile, scowl disappearing. “Oh, Y/N.”   “Are you busy? I can come back…”   “No, it’s fine.” His smile widens while you step into his office. “What do you need?”   “No, um, it’s just, I know we’re supposed to come in this weekend.”   “Oh, that doesn’t really apply to you.” Hoseok’s hands are clasped and you begin to break a sweat by how he gives you his full attention and his stare is more intense than usual. “You don’t need to come in.”   “Oh...okay…”   “Why? What was the matter?”   “No...” It’s excruciating how much you’re beating around the bush, but you don’t really want to spill what’s going on. Still, you decide to say it rather than making it sound more suspicious. “There’s this stupid reunion thing I was invited to. It’s on the weekend and I was thinking of going.”   “A reunion?”   “Yeah, to celebrate eleven years.” Your head lolls to your shoulder and you ramble on, not making a big deal out of it. “Apparently, they were supposed to have one for ten years, but it got delayed. It’s kind of dumb but…”   “I don’t think I received an invitation,” Hoseok suddenly comments, quirking his head to one side as well. His brows knit together and he inhales a sharp breath. “We went to the same university for our undergraduate, right?”   “Yeah, uh, everyone sort of lost contact with you after you left for law school. No one knows how to contact you even if they wanted to…” Like you, many of the others had no clue that he opened up his own firm.    “Huh.” He nods and then resumes his work, typing on his computer and casting you a mere glance when you’re still standing there. “Well, have fun and make sure you’re back on Monday.”   “Sounds good.” Your feet linger for a moment, body not listening to your brain. But eventually, you get a grip on yourself and step out of his office.   A school reunion trip would be expensive — luckily, your efforts of driving the taxi for twenty nights in a month was paying off….literally. You had quite a bit of savings, enough to pack your bags for a weekend trip. In all honesty, as nervous as you were to be seeing old faces again, you were also excited. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen Taeyeon, Hani, and the others. They would argue it’s been too long.   Everyone has gone their separate ways, abroad for work or busy in their families and with their children. You were especially distant from them after you moved all those years ago. But it would be nice to see them again, to mend back old friendships and remind yourself that you aren’t alone.   And it turns out that it only takes two buses and one train ride, a total of six hours and twenty minutes, to reconnect with old friends. It’s not as difficult as you thought it would be. You’re out of the city in the blink of an eye, at the one next door, waiting at the station for your ride.   As you check your phone for the fifth time, you’re startled when there’s a loud honk. Someone’s pulling in with their maroon car and you immediately recognize the girl in the driver seat. She rolls down the window and tugs her sunglasses to the bridge of her nose, peering above the frames at you.   “Hey, loser! Get in! We’re going shopping!”   You grin at her reference, dragging your luggage over and throwing it in the backseat. “Some things never change, do they?”   “Get over here.” Before you can even fully situate yourself in the passenger seat, she’s already leaning over the console to hug you, making laughter bubble from your chest. She really hasn’t changed one bit, from being extroverted and charming. Her long black hair is unchanging, features that seem sharper than they did years ago, cat-like eyes that are intimidating and cute when she smiles. She’s in shorts and a simple tee-shirt, summer-like attire in the chilly weather. “Ugh, I missed your ass so much.”   You squeeze her back, savouring the hug that reminds you too much of another embrace that felt like eons ago. “Missed you too.”   “Taeyeon’s staying with us in the hotel.” Hani shifts the gear and pulls away from the curb. “She’s there, still freaking out about leaving the kids with her husband.”   You smile at the thought and look at her. “How are you?”   “Good. Same old, pretty much. Work is tiring, but I really like it. I’ve been working on a project for the later half of this year and it’s almost finished, so I got that going for me. How are you?”   “Things are good for me too.”   “Where have you been working?”   “Oh, I’m an HR rep for a law firm,” you explain in a boring tone, not wanting to discuss it too much. “I like it a lot.”   “Oh my god! That’s so great, Y/N!” There’s a red light and Hani glances at you with a beaming smile, remembering you telling her that you were having trouble finding a job a few months ago. “I’m so glad you found a good place.”   “Thanks.”   “Have you been seeing anyone?”   “No, not really. Just...haven’t found the time.” You move on, changing the subject. “How’s Daehwi?”   A long sigh leaves from her pink lips. “An idiot as usual, but what’s new?”   Your cheeks ache from your grin. “Has he popped the question yet?”   “He said he was going to do it before my birthday, so I guess we’ll see what happens.”   “That’s amazing.” And you really mean it. Rather than feeling envious, you feel happy and proud for your friends. Most of them have their lives together and it’s nice to see them progress, even when you feel like you’ve been stagnant, stuck at a standstill for so long. “You guys are great together.”   “Yeah...I really do love that idiot.” A soft smile appears on her visage as she admits it. “If we get married, we’ll probably have kids soon after. We already talked about it and my eggs are dying, you know? And my nieces are just too cute. They always give me baby fever. But Daehwi wants it more than I do.” She laughs and you notice how her skin is practically glowing in bliss. “He wants five kids and a set of twins or something and I told him there was no way I was going to give birth to an entire football team for him.”   Another laugh streams from your chest. “Sounds like Daehwi.”   Hani hums and nods. “But things have been okay for you?”   “Yeah. I’m pretty happy these days and I really enjoy my work.”   Hani takes a glance at you. “I’m glad, Y/N.”   Once you arrive at the hotel room, you can already hear Taeyeon face-timing her husband. She gives you the biggest bear hug imaginable and you say hello to her toddler and five-year old, making you a bit sad when they don’t remember you at all. But it’s good to be back and even better to meet up with friends that make you feel as if time created no distance at all.   “Do you know who else is coming?”   “I think most people are.” Hani momentary pauses scrolling through her phone and shrugs. “I checked the facebook page and a lot of them said yes. Probably because the university’s paying for a lot of the expenses.”   Daehwi, who’s cuddling your best friend, smiles. “Our alumni is so nice.”   Taeyeon scoffs. “More like we’re their backdrop so they can take a thousand photos and post them to their website and promote their institution. They’ve been pushing to reel in younger, naive kids and rob them of their money before giving them a piece of paper that says good job.”   You grin as another thought flickers in your mind. “Is Changsub coming?”   “He’s coming tomorrow morning.” The strawberry blonde female falls down onto the soft sofa, lounging on it. “He booked it last minute. I think he’s still on the plane right now.”   “I can’t remember the last time we all met up,” Daehwi notes, looking out the glass window towards the city and feeling sentimental about the moment. “We’re only missing one person now.” Hani shoulder checks him and the male lets out a painful, “Ow! What! Can I not talk about Hoseok?”   “It’s fine, you guys,” you placate both Hani and Taeyeon when they look at you in concern. “It’s not a big deal...I actually….talked to him recently.”   Hani blinks with her wide eyes. “You did?!”   “You did?!” Taeyeon repeats after her like a parrot, both of friends stunned.   “Yeah...it’s...uh..complicated, but we’re good.” There’s a long silence, all three people staring at you, and you divert your eyes out the window. “So, what time is the official reunion tomorrow?”   //   The rest of the day is spent eating and catching up. Taeyeon talks about her kids, what giving birth is like and simultaneously putting the fear into Hani and Daehwi as they listen and you laugh at their expressions. The pair of them also talk about their traveling adventures, what countries they’ve visited recently and are planning to visit in the future. There’s not much that’s changed for you, so you only discuss your job and what you kind of do day to day.   All four of you play uno like back then, gossiping about acquaintances while having a few drinks in the hotel room but nothing to get wasted on, only slightly tipsy. You can’t remember the last time you had such a good time. By morning, everybody wakes up a bit later in the day, grabbing brunch before getting ready to go. You pick out a dark blue modest dress to wear, sharing the bathroom alongside Hani who worries about her makeup and Taeyeon who does her hair. It reminds you of years ago when you used to dress up to go clubbing or out to the bar. It’s nostalgic and you feel young again, even when you’re sure age has made its mark on you.   “You know, it would’ve made a lot more sense to have our reunion on campus and not at a hotel conference hall,” Hani points out while sipping on a glass of champagne, looking around at the place lit by chandeliers.   You smile. “Now that I think about it, you’re right.”   Taeyeon shakes her head, staring at the intricate patterns of the velvet carpet. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be at a fancy hotel than a shitty gymnasium on our shitty campus.”   “Okay, touché.”   “They have an after-party there,” Daehwi pipes up. “It’s pretty close. We should go.”   “I don’t understand why there’s an after-party for the reunion.”   “Different backgrounds create different pictures to put on their website,” Taeyeon tells Hani while she rolls her eyes in disapproval.   You quip to the both of them while lingering at the back of the hall, “That’s a crazy conspiracy.”   “Oh my god. Jiyong! Jiyong!” Daehwi puts down his drink, running off towards another man who yells out his name as well without looking back. They fist bump each other before going on a talking barrage to catch up and Hani appears even more exhausted than before, letting out a huge sigh.   “Dear lord, if I have to talk to all of his frat members, I’m going to need another five hundred drinks.”   The blonde beside her laughs. “Well, you should get ready because I think I see Seungri.”   “Taeyeon.” Another female has stopped in front of you three. She’s staring straight at your friend, ogling at her from head to toe. “Is that you?!”   “Oh my gosh. Minzy?” Taeyeon hands her glass of champagne to you, walking off. “It’s been forever!”   “I know!” she shrieks in excitement.   In the giant hall, you recognize many and once in a while, they stop to make small talk with you. It’s easy to get whiplash at all the familiar faces. You’re brought back to a decade ago, and an odd feeling begins to plague you. It’s as if all the regrets you had in the past fix themselves into place again, that the people you had forgotten about and that were so far away, are now in your reach.   Eventually, you become overwhelmed and fade into the background. You hang around in the back, taking in all the decorations, the old photos, the surrounding people. Hani tells you that she’s going to the washroom and you nod, keeping an eye on her drink while sipping on yours. It awakens your memories of house parties where you were more of a wallflower than the life of the party, where you spent your time observing behaviour and actions, where it was much quieter.   “Man...how do I not recognize anyone?”   You nearly spit out your drink, but you end up choking instead. You’re hacking your lungs out unattractively, coughing and beating your chest like a wild gorilla. Maybe you’re so delusional that you’re beginning to hear and see things because you swear to god…..Jung Hoseok is standing right beside you.   His head is tipped to one side, black hair left natural and unstyled, full bangs covering his forehead. He’s wearing sneakers, black jeans and a grey hoodie, too casual for an event like this. More importantly, he’s staring at you in amusement. It’s probably your imagination. You just miss him and your mind is coping….   But then he opens his mouth and talks.   “Y/N?”   “What are you doing here?!” Your mouth falls open comically, words spilling out in the harshest manner and you’re suddenly very, very worried. There are a million things that can go wrong in your life, but this situation was definitely in your current top ten. The corner of his mouth pulls and the lawyer rolls his shoulders. “Well, turns out you don’t need to be directly invited by someone. I checked the website and sure enough, I just had to sign up with my old student identification number to come.”   “Wh-wh...but why?”   Hoseok’s smile stays on his lips, but his brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean why? I can’t come to my own school reunion?”   “Th-th-that’s not what I mean.” Your head shakes and your eyes do a quick sweep of your surroundings before settling on him again.   “You told me I lost contact with everyone when I went to law school, so I figured this would be a good time to reconnect with people. I didn’t expect to run into you so soon, though.” Jung Hoseok flashes the brightest of beaming grins, looking like the epitome of sunshine or someone from pleasantville. You begin envisioning throwing yourself against the wall hard enough where you could pass out and perhaps the ambulance would be called and you could escape this insanity.   You might be a little over-dramatic at the moment…..but the logical part of your brain disagrees.   This is perfectly rational.   “I—”   “Oh my god.” The interruption comes from your former best friend, Hani. Alongside her is Taeyeon who almost spills her new drink when she abruptly halts and her eyes grow wide at the sight beside you.   Your worst nightmare is beginning to unfold right in front of your eyes.   “Jung Hoseok?!”   The lawyer frowns, staring at both women and he takes a long second before recognition begins to settle in. “Uh...Heeyeon and...Kim Taeyeon...right?” He glances at you for approval, and you don’t say anything nor do you even cast a single glance of approval.   Taeyeon marches over and in five strides, she’s giving him a humongous hug. “Where have you been, bastard? I never thought I’d see you again.” In the meanwhile, Hani is boring her eyes into you as if asking if you’re okay, and you give a slight nod.   “I’ve been busy.” Hoseok’s memory starts to jog again. He only has a handful of memories, all of them vague and blurry like they’re from an old tape he’s watching back, but he feels at ease for at least remembering them….even if he doesn’t have a single memory of you.   “You didn’t even think to call, bitch?”   His lips tug into a slight heart shape, eyes crinkling. “...Sorry?”   Hani offers a more reserved and meek smile. She stands at a distance away, beside you. Her arms are crossed defensively, and she doesn’t spare any embraces or even a handshake. “It’s good to see you again, Jung.”   “Thanks, Heeyeon.”   Hani’s brow raises, wondering why he’s calling her by her legal name and not the nickname she goes by, but she brushes it off. “I see you’ve become acquainted with Y/N here. Maybe a bit too comfortable?”   “Well, I’m sure this is fine.” His smile becomes lopsided as he peeks at you. “It’s not during working hours.”   The female doesn’t quite understand, but she never once backs down. “Working hours or not, I think you should back off a bit. Have some human decency, Jung.”   “Hani!” You’re cringing to death, ready to be lowered into your grave with your toes curling. Your mind races, though you’re rendered too speechless to know what to say or know how to address the situation. If you wished you were invisible enough, maybe it’ll actually work.   “Is there a problem?” Hoseok is genuinely bewildered and baffled by her bizarre attitude, deciding to challenge the rude woman. “Or are you her boss too?”   Taeyeon repeats him, equally confused. “Too?”   “You didn’t tell them?” Hoseok shifts to you, trying to be caught up to speed. His head is already swirling with old memories slowly coming back to life. He wonders if you didn’t say you worked for him because it was somehow embarrassing to be working for someone you went to school with. But he knows you’re not the type to be shameful about such a trivial thing, especially when you loved your job so much.   “Tell us what?” Taeyeon asks, spinning around to soak in your exchange of expressions. Then, her eyes almost fall out from their sockets and her jaw drops to the carpet. “Wait. Don’t tell me. Holy shit. Oh my god. You’re back together?!”   “NO!” You shout, startling other folks and people turn around to shoot dirty looks. But you pay no mind, too preoccupied with nipping the crazy thought in the bud. “I work for Hoseok! At his firm!”   “You…” Hani gives you a skeptical look. “...you’re working for him?”   “Holy shit! Are my eyes seeing what they’re really seeing, right now? Or am I high?” From the noise, Daehwi had pulled away from the crowd of frat guys to see what the commotion was. Of course, now he was running towards you again, eyes pinned on Hoseok. “Dude! How’s it going?!”   Their handshake morphs into a fist bump. “Why are you talking like you’re a nineteen year old dumbass again?” Hani rolls her eyes, but doesn’t dwell when she’s more upset at the current situation. She informs her partner of the news, “Y/N’s working for Hoseok at his firm.”   “Wait. Really?”   “Why is that so surprising?” Hoseok inquires, still perplexed at all their reactions. “There’s nothing wrong with Y/N working for me. That doesn’t make her job any less important. She actually runs her own department as HR manager. And she’s exceptionally good at her job.”   “No, that’s not the issue. I’m just surprised, because—”   “Hoseok doesn’t remember!”   The shout echoes, straining your vocal cords, shocking your old friends. Everyone turns, necks craning over slowly like their bones are made from old mechanical rods. “What?”   The situation is getting out of control. You’re losing your grasp on what you want Hoseok to know. The mess is beginning to unravel and you’re doing everything in your power to spool it back together, keep it hidden, in the dark, where only you know, where you can feign ignorance and live your little happy life without having to confront the past.   Daehwi frowns. “What do you mean?”   Your heart cracks for the hundredth time.   And it’s because of Hoseok. Again.   “He just….doesn't remember.”   “Is there something going on here?” He asks right when Taeyeon was about to speak the same question, wholly puzzled at the circumstances. Their gazes are too intense for you to hold up by yourself. You’re barely holding it together and you’re too afraid you’ll begin to crack from the outside as well, let them see what you really feel, how damaged you are on the inside.   “Hoseok has memory problems,” you calmly say, spilling secrets even when it’s not your place to, “he was in a car accident.”   All three shift, waiting for his confirmation. He gives a single nod.   “Oh shit.” Daehwi’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “That’s horrible.”   The blonde female steps closer to him. “What happened?”   “Hit a lamppost. Like seven years ago. But I don’t have any ‘memory issues’.” Hoseok quotes you before laying his eyes on your visage. He cocks an eyebrow before looking at everyone else. “Just have some spots where I can’t quite remember. Am I missing something here?”   “Nope.” You force a smile, talking past the lump in your throat. The urge to distance yourself from this is too overwhelming and you’re suddenly reminded of why you avoided reuniting yourself with old friends. It’s too painful, too messy to remember. Once again, you wish you were in Hoseok’s position where you didn’t know a thing. “The past is the past. Best to leave it behind. Anyways, you should probably get a drink. I can get you one.”   “I can get it myself.”   “No.” Your hands fly out, wanting him to stay where he is, wanting to get yourself away. At any moment now, you were going to break. “I insist, I insist.”   “Let me come with you,” Hani asserts and you decide having a good friend beside you would be the least of your troubles, so you let out an ‘alright’.   The two of you march through the crowd. The dark-haired female stares at your profile, her mouth opening, ready to fire out her many questions. But when you give a glance, she sighs and decides not to press on or pry. Hani doesn’t say anything, granting you mercy for the time being.   In the meanwhile, Daehwi and Hoseok catch up with one another. As time goes by and more small talk is made, the latter’s memory jogs, though it seems as if your existence has been deleted from his recollection completely. But he doesn’t dwell when his focus is on socializing.   “So, you’re a hot shot lawyer now?” The brunette grins. “Your sister always said that.”   “I don’t think I’m a hot shot or anything, far from it, but yeah, I run my own firm. It’s kind of small and it’s nothing much yet. Still a work in progress.”   “Damn, still, you’re probably filthy rich, dude. I’m jealous. Do you have a yacht?”   “No.” Hoseok laughs. “I don’t have a yacht.”   Taeyeon has an indignant expression. “Hoseok’s afraid of the ocean, remember?”   “Rightttt.”   The lawyer in question sulks slightly, not enjoying how his fears are being broadcasted aloud. “I’m only afraid when I can’t see the bottom.”   “So he’s afraid of the entire ocean then,” Taeyeon reiterates with a laugh.   “Guess so.” Daehwi teases the man and smiles with his teeth. He pats his friend on the shoulder. “It’s good to have you back, Hope. Now we’re just waiting for one more person before we have the whole gang back together.”   “Speaking of the devil…” Taeyeon motions with her chin and both males whirl around.   “Yeon! Dae!” Changsub is walking towards them, dragging his feet over as he exhales in exhaustion. “God, my plane got delayed and I literally just got here and threw my luggage upstairs. I’m so tired! My sleeping schedule is going to be so fucked. It’s supposed to be midnight right now. I swear—….”   “Hey.”   Hoseok gives a polite wave, smiling, and the guy has his eyes plastered all over him, starstruck, like he’s looking at a celebrity. Changsub blinks hard, appearing comical as he does so. “Jung fucking Hoseok?!”   Daehwi chuckles. “Trust me, I didn’t believe it either.”   “Dude!” Changsub gives him the most gripping hug, arms cradling his entire frame. “What the fucking hell are you actually doing here?! What the fuck.”   “I’m here for the reunion,” he quips. “You?”   “Same. God.” His hand runs into his hair, shock firing into his body. Changsub quickly looks around. “Does Y/N know you’re here?”   Once more, Hoseok’s confusion returns. “Yes…?”   At the reminder, Taeyeon glances around the premise, standing on the tips of her toes. She inhales a sharp breath, humming a note. “Let me go get Hani and Y/N. They’ve been gone for a while. We should get a picture together before things get more hectic around here.” The female dismisses herself, going into the crowd of people to grab you both, disappearing from sight.   Changsub shakes his head, still staring at Hoseok and unable to trust his eyes even when he blinks hard. “Dude, man, it’s been so goddamn long.”   “I know.”   “How have you been? What have you been up to?”   “I’m good. Just working as a lawyer these days at a divorce firm. You?”   “Awesome. God, wow. Yeah, I’ve been travelling for work.” Changsub is at a loss for words. “You look great.”   “Thanks.” Hoseok grins at him. “You too.”   The male shakes his head, mouth drawing open. “And Y/N knows you’re here and shit?”   “Yeah.” He wonders why he’s being mentioned with you so much, why people are so confused that he’s made a reappearance. It can’t be that weird. “Why?”   Daehwi pipes up, interrupting the conversation, “They actually work together.”   “No shit! Really?” Changsub is noisy, nosy, and a tad obnoxious. He’s slow to pick on things and a bit hyperactive, gathering attention from the surrounding people, but he’s still good natured and warm hearted enough not to cause real trouble. Yet. “So, you came with Y/N today?”   “....uh...kind of? Not really.”   “Are you guys back together?”   “No.”   Daehwi’s smile at once becomes stiff. He looks around as if searching for help, but when no one comes to the rescue, he pokes him and mumbles, “uh...Changsub...you might want to cool it.”   He doesn’t hear him. “Yeah, I didn't think so. When it’s that bad of a split, it’s usually not good to get back together. I know I tried to get back with Sooyoung and it turned out even worse. She took the kids and all and that fucking sucked ass.”   “Oh.” Hoseok quirks his head to the side, frowning. The lawyer is both perceptive and smart enough to catch on. Everyone knew something — what it was Hoseok was unsure of. But while they decided not to divulge any information and continue to speak in code, Changsub was his opportunity, the person to spill whatever was going on. “Was it a bad split? I mean, we only had two dates…..?”   “What are you talking about? Two dates?!” A bark of laughter comes from the pits of his stomach, streaming out from his mouth in disbelief.   Daehwi’s teeth grit. “Chang...shut up..”   “You guys dated for like four years.”   There’s silence. Hoseok stares at him. His smile immediately falls.   “....Excuse me…..what?”   Daehwi sighs his entire lungs out. He shuts his eyes tight and pinches the bridge of his nose. At this rate, his head was going to be shaved bald by his precious girlfriend, just because this dumbass was straight out ignoring him. Despite not being aware of what your relationship is with Hoseok, Daehwi’s sure he won’t be able to look at you in the eye after this. Guilt would eat him alive since you were obviously keeping Hoseok in the dark for a reason. “Chang...dude…”   “You guys even got engaged.”   Hoseok is lost. “....What?”   Without you even knowing, your entire world collapses.   It’s ironic that your feigned ignorance of history turned to real ignorance of the present situation. You can’t even mourn for your loss when you don’t even know that it occurred.   “Changsub!” Daehwi steps on his foot and the male cries out in pain.   “Ow! What the hell, dude?! I’m trying to talk to Hope!”   “Yeah, well you need to fucking stop. Shut up. Seriously.”   The man rolls his eyes. “I get that no one wants to talk about bad breakups, but it was like, what, eight years ago? It’s not that big of a deal. The past is the past. We can’t just keep beating around the bush or skirting around the issue and pretend it never happened.”   Daehwi groans like it physically pains him to interact with his old friend. “You...are the biggest dumbass I have ever met.”   “Hani! Y/N!” When the pair of you come into sight, Changsub grins and walks over like nothing had just happened. In a way, nothing really did happen. He was just talking about old memories, things that have no meaning anymore...or at least that’s what he thought.   “Hey, Chang. Oh, I got your drink.” You pass it to Hoseok and he takes it lifelessly. His expression is strangely blank, glossed over, neither bright and energetic or serious and stern.   Jung Hoseok is unreadable.   “Did something happen?” Taeyeon asks with pouty lips, glancing at the three male individuals.   “No…” Daehwi sighs and glances at Hoseok. “Not really.”   Changsub shrugs. “My flight got delayed and I rushed over here from the airport, threw my luggage in the room upstairs and ran here. Barely made it too. Also, I’m super tired and my whole body is delayed like twelve hours. So, I might be a bit slower. Anyways, I’m glad you’re finally here, Y/N.”   “Happy to be here,” you answer with a smile.   “Took you long enough,” he playfully quips back and it’s true. You were avoiding them since they brought back memories you didn’t want to remember. But now that you were standing here with all your friends again, it wasn’t so bad…..   “Yeah.” You give another smile.   “We need a picture of this.” Hani digs into the small purse slung across her body. “I don’t know the next time we’re going to be all together again.”   The small crowd gathers to take the photo. Hani has her arm around you, Taeyeon right in front with Daehwi and Changsub huddling on Hoseok’s side. You and Hoseok stand beside each other in the center, posing with cracking smiles as the camera snaps the shot, capturing the moment in time forever.   There’s more meaningless small talk, more catching up. When the music plays, the official reunion begins and everyone finds their seats as the speaker takes the center stage and the slideshow at the back begins.   You steal a glimpse of Hoseok when you feel the pressure of his eyes on you. “Hey...are you okay?”   His gaze softens, eyes full of confusion. You don’t know what’s going on. And your fixation on denial blinds you silly, never once giving you an inkling at the potential possibilities.   His turmoil is a tsunami, crashing down inside his chest, rushing into his stomach and drowning the butterflies that have migrated there, making him uncomfortable and sick. He is conflicted. Confused. Angry. Petrified. Sad. He doesn’t know why you would hide it from him. He doesn’t know what happened. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know who you are.   Hoseok gives you the most honest answer he can muster—   “I don’t know.”

[sun-summoning]

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering what happened to the fic the grad fad? I loved it but I can't seem to find it on FF. Thank you! :)

you know what i read this and had a moment of “wtf is the grad fad” followed by “it sounds SO FAMILIAR” then i looked through stuff on my computer and found a doc with that title that was last updated in 2013 and thought “oh god that’s when i graduated university wtf was this fic about???” i assume i deleted it off ffn back in the day bc i knew i’d never finish it.

anyway here’s all that i found:

-

Note: This is my last year of university and I’m actually quite sad, so this is mostly for my lawlz. But I promise I will have a plot.Warning(s): AU, going by my own university’s calendar Pairings: SasuSaku, NaruInoDisclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

-

SEPTEMBERi need a place to live

-

“Can I live with you?”

Sakura needed a home.

She was luckier than most people with her parents living just an hour and a half’s commute away from Konoha University, but she would rather pay rent every month than go through the two trains and two buses and twenty minute walk she spent her entire freshman year dealing with. She spent her second and third years living with Tenten, but that recently-graduated, totally lame, Judas loser decided to take the Next Step in her Relationship and Move In with her boyfriend, hence Sakura’s problem.

Sakura was homeless. Sort of.

Karin only raised an eyebrow at her before eyeing her one-bedroom apartment. There was a solarium, yes, but those doors were see-through and offered no privacy. “Seriously?”

But Sakura would not be moved. She nodded eagerly. “Honestly, I’d be down for a closet. Please? Lend me that room?”

“Fine.”

And so that was that.

Except it wasn’t.

It worked well enough, Sakura supposed. At the beginning, that is, when Sakura was still enjoying the remaining bits of frosh week and the constant keggers going on. On the first week of class—when all that happened was syllabi-reading and maybe an introductory lab or two that Sakura didn’t need—there were Mojito Mondays and Because I Freaking Feel Like it Tuesdays to go along with the traditional Thirsty Thursdays. For the first week of class, Sakura mostly came home to her glass room at Karin’s home in a lovely state of drunk or delirious.

But then she started coming home sober.

Second week struck and so did its readings upon readings upon readings. Sakura scrambled from the KU Bookstore to the shop for cheaper used books a few blocks away from the university where all the hipsters lived. She would then go to the printing press on the other side of the city for that course pack, and then to another printing press on the other side of the city for another course pack. Then she would settle down in the library with a chai tea latte and lemon poppy seed muffin and shut off her phone and get her readings done.

(Not that anyone was texting her, of course. Ino was basically ignoring the world and Naruto still felt like it was move-in time and Sakura knew for a fact he had a keg at his house and Sasuke and her basically didn’t talk unless they were forced to.)

In her second week of September, Sakura would come home extremely late, with aching shoulders and arms full of books.

In her second week of September, all Sakura would want to come home to was a cozy bed and ugly bunny slippers and Netflix. Instead, she came home to Karin’s bra on the sneakers Sakura left by the door and the beautifully permanent sight of Karin and Shikamaru doing the deed on the couch.

Sakura just sighed. “Guys, like, I eat my breakfast on that couch!”

They barely noticed her before Karin let out a squeak and they casually moved their canoodling over to her bedroom.

“Seriously?!” Sakura yelled, dropping her book bag and mourning the sight of the beloved Lazy Boy, forever tainted by Shikamaru’s naked ass, cute as it may have been.

Sakura plopped down on the carpet, sitting right in front of the recliner.

This wasn’t going to work.

-

“Can I live with you?”

Sakura twitched when she got no response. Ino had been like this all summer. She was in I’m-taking-my-LSAT-therefore-nothing-exists-but-these-LSAT-notes mode and essentially drowning everyone and everything. There was no time for double fisting the red sangria and the white sangria at Red Room after a long day of class, nor was there time to listen to Sakura propose potential research paper topics. Ino had quit her job and her social life in favour of studying, studying, studying.

“Ino?”

Ino had a pretty swanky place, actually – for a studio apartment, that is. But it was surprisingly large for a kitchen-living-room-bedroom hybrid monster. It even had a balcony!

“Yo! Blondie!”

Finally, Ino looked up. “What was that, Sakura?”

Sakura pouted.

They were at the coffee shop near the Bio labs on the west end of campus. Ino had only agreed to Sakura’s invitation when Sakura offered to buy her sleepless friend some coffee. Apparently the implied “you’ll have to listen to me when I speak” part of that deal went unnoticed, however. Great.

“Can I live with you?” Sakura repeated.

Ino didn’t miss a beat. “No.”

“What?” Sakura couldn’t help it. Her jaw literally dropped. She was ready to prepare some grand speech about friendship and bonds and love and all that jazz that Naruto would have been super proud of, but Ino waved her hand – granted, she looked more like she was trying to swat away some irritating bug.

“Sakura,” she said flatly, “consider the size of my apartment.”

“It’s fun-sized,” Sakura reasoned. “Super fun-sized.”

“No.”

“But I’m homeless!”

“You live like an hour away—”

“AND A HALF.”

“—you’ll manage.”

“But I’m homeless!” Sakura repeated pathetically, hoping that if she pouted Ino might have been moved.

But that was not the case. Ino’s eyes were already back on her binder of notes for her LSAT studying. “Nope.”

“You’re a heartless, wretched beast,” Sakura said. She gathered her things and made sure to grab the caramel macchiato she spent a grand four dollars on for some traitor. She stuck her tongue out when Ino let out an indignant cry for having her coffee stolen. “Sorry, I don’t buy drinks for jerks!”

“Just commute, you lazy baby!”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”

-

“Can I live with you?”

Naruto didn’t look even remotely surprised to see Sakura on his front porch with a bright pink gym bag full of her clothes and a backpack that looked ready to burst at the seams. And he didn’t even want to think about how heavy that other bag pulling at her left arm was, considering all the textbooks sticking out of it.

Like the good friend he was, Naruto grabbed the bag of books and the bag of clothes.

“Come on,” he said, moving to the side so she could enter the house.

“You’re the best, Naruto!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Sakura had been to Naruto’s place many times. It was a house in the so-called “student ghetto” just off of campus with an open-concept main floor and a fair number of bedrooms. If Sakura remembered correctly, Naruto had the big room in the basement, Suigetsu called dibs on the attic, and Sasuke and Shikamaru had rooms on the second-level. But now that Neji had moved in with Tenten—

“Am I getting Neji’s old room?” Sakura asked.

Naruto nodded, guiding her up the stairs even though she already knew where to go. “Yeah, I figured you’d be here eventually.”

“What?” Sakura felt tears spring in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She was tired and stressed and her shoulders were killing her. “You saved a room for me?” She was in awe of how sweet he was.

But Naruto just shrugged and looked away. Sakura saw the way his cheeks reddened though. “It’s not a big deal. We just didn’t bother looking for another guy. I had a feeling things wouldn’t work out at Karin’s when Shikamaru basically stopped coming home all of first week…”

Sakura still tackled him into a hug, forcing him to drop her bags. She pulled away and smiled. “You are literally the best, did you know that?”

He grinned back. “Obviously.” But a thought came to mind and his smile waned. “Um… there’s just one thing…”

“Yeah?” Sakura was too busy marvelling at the fact that her new room came with walls (and a bed and drawers and a closet and even a calendar) to notice his frown. “Don’t worry about rent. I got my job at the registrar’s office again so I’m good.”

“It’s not that.”

Sakura finally looked at him. “What is it?” She suddenly looked equally as frantic. “Oh.”

“Are you okay with living with your ex?”

“Obvously.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“I figured.”

“Meh.” Sakura shrugged. She took her bag from Naruto and opened it up to beginning the process of moving in all over again. “I’m kind of homeless, so I’ll make due. And you know how I am during school. I basically just live at campus during the year.”

Naruto laughed and ruffled her hair. “Don’t worry,” he told her, “we just have one more year of this crap, right?”

Sakura glanced at the calendar and nodded.

“Just one more year.”

-

OCTOBERi need reference letters

-

So it was October.

October came to mean a lot of things to Naruto: midterms, essays, Thanksgiving a.k.a. Turkey Day, pumpkin spice everything, breaking out the awesome orange scarf Sakura knitted for him years ago, pretty leaves, and so much more.

Now the boys didn’t usually maintain their house unless someone was coming to visit. Fine, the tiny front lawn would see a mowing every other week or so, and the backyard was only managed if there was going to be a party. And then the inside was divided that every man would take care of his own place, the kitchen would always be cleaned by whoever made whatever mess, and the bathroom would go through a weekly cycle of sorts. But things like the broom and the vacuum were only broken out for special occasions.

“Guys!”

In the living room, Sakura was sketching silly outfits on the bare bodies in her anatomy textbook in lieu of studying, while Naruto made his own efforts to procrastinate pretty obvious as he made a tower of all the novels and plays and poetry anthologies he had to read for the semester. So far, his stack was balancing at a rather noteworthy twenty-two. Shikamaru, on the other hand, was making paper balls with his notes and throwing them at Naruto’s tower.

They all looked up at Suigetsu’s frantic shout.

“What is it?” Sakura asked. She had the grace to look annoyed by the interruption to her ‘hard work.’

“Sasuke’s mom is here!”

Immediately, Naruto and Shikamaru rose, their eyes wide and their arms near flailing. Sakura raised an eyebrow when Naruto shrieked. His book tower had fallen over when he stood up so fast.

“Clean that up!” Suigetsu yelled, pointing.

Naruto anxiously did so by pushing all of the books under the couch. At the same time, Shikamaru was taking all the randomly strewn about mugs and plates and – oh god – beer bottles and hiding them in the video game drawer. Suigetsu was keeping a careful eye on the driveway from the window by the stairs.

Sakura could only frown. “What are you guys doing?”

“Sasuke’s mom is here,” Shikamaru pointed out.

Sakura looked at the boys like they were idiots and, for the most part, they returned the look. Suigetsu finally sighed. “Sakura, have you ever seen Sasuke’s mom?”

“Yes,” she said. “In fact, I—”

Naruto shushed her. “Sakura, haven’t you heard? Sasuke’s mom has got it going on!”

Sakura did not look amused, but that didn’t stop Naruto and the other boys from opening the door and yelling their hellos. They all ignored Sasuke’s knowing glare as they took his bags from him and all warmly greeted the lovely Mikoto Uchiha. They exchanged pleasantries and thanked Mikoto wholeheartedly when she graced them with a whole turkey for the house – her little Thanksgiving present to them.

“Oh, Mrs. Uchiha, you didn’t have to do that,” Suigetsu told her sweetly.

But the older woman just smiled and waved the matter off. “Oh, but you boys need to be properly fed!”

Sakura could only pray she had that kind of decency when she was older and sending her son off to live with his fellow cavemen. Sakura eyed Mikoto Uchiha’s beautiful cashmere sweater and her form fitting skirt and could actually kind of understand why her friends were all salivating like dogs. She suddenly felt incredibly insecure in her yoga pants and the sweater she ninety percent belonged to Shikamaru. God, she was such a mess, Sakura realized. At least she wasn’t wearing her UGGs…

Dammit.

“Sakura Haruno, is that you!”

Sakura blinked. “Huh?”

Finally, the boys got out of the way and Mikoto rushed over and hugged her. “Oh, darling!” Mikoto let go enough to look Sakura over and frown disapprovingly. “You’ve lost weight!” she pointed out gravely. “Why haven’t you been eating, missy? This better not be over some stupid boy, because let me tell you—”

Sakura flushed. “Nope!” she interrupted. “I just…” Sakura laughed awkwardly and took a step away from Mikoto. “I just, um, have been busy and haven’t really been sleeping properly…”

Mikoto immediately turned around to face the boys. “And why haven’t you all been making sure Sakura is eating correctly? Hm? Shikamaru? You’re the responsible one!”

Shikamaru froze for a moment with the attention on him. “Um.” He chuckled. “Well, I haven’t really been around either, Mrs. Uchiha. But I’ll definitely make sure our little Sakura eats three square meals a day.”

“Yes, you better!” Mikoto took her turkey out of Naruto’s hands and deposited it into Sakura’s despite the blond’s protests. She winked at Sakura. “Eat up, sweetie.”

Sakura smiled. “Thank you.”

Mikoto gave her son one last kiss on the cheek before saying her goodbyes to everyone. When she was finally gone, Naruto let out a low whistle and made some flattering but inappropriate comment that led to Sasuke punching him in the stomach and stomping away. Still wincing, Naruto hurriedly stole the turkey away from Sakura and brought it to the kitchen.

That was one last thing October meant to Naruto: Mikoto Uchiha sending over a whole turkey for their little house of broke students.

.

.

But the gesture of turkey-giving didn’t arouse the same happy feelings in Sakura. As Suigetsu thoughtfully took a bag of Sasuke’s on his way upstairs, Shikamaru volunteered to walk Mikoto to her car, and Naruto took the turkey for some “alone time,” Sakura went back to her anatomy textbook and suddenly felt incredibly lonely.

Sakura had spent Thanksgiving dinner with the Uchiha family once, back when she and Sasuke were still together. She got along with them all to the point that Mikoto would literally text Sakura at least every other day just to make sure she was okay or to talk. Ino thought that was weird, but Sakura justified things with that Ino had never been in a real relationship – not one that included bonding with your partner’s parent. And when Sasuke dumped Sakura, Mikoto immediately asked Sakura if she was okay. But Sakura soon began to distance herself from the woman, mostly out of propriety, and seeing her in person today made her feel horrible.

Sighing, Sakura picked up her mug of sangria and whined when she realized it was empty. She grudgingly went to the kitchen and took the bottle out of the fridge. After a moment of consideration, she decided to learn from past mistakes and drink from the bottle and skip the mug.

“Well done,” she told herself after a sip.

“Sakura, it’s ten in the morning.”

She joked and spun around. Sasuke was leaning against the counter with a cup of tea and judgemental frown.

“Um.” Sakura lowered the bottle and reconsidered her mug. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

He then took an economics textbook out of his backpack and went over to the couch, sitting beside her scrawled dresses and flower hats. She cringed, but he didn’t seem to notice her doodles. Sakura slowly made her way back to her book and sat as close to the edge as she could, at this point gulping down the sangria.

Seriously? Sakura thought. That was how he wanted to go about things? He wanted to ignore what happened three weeks ago that essentially set the shroud of awkward that hung over them whenever they saw each other in the kitchen or the hall or the living room?! What the actual fu—

Ugh.

When the silence became too much for her to concentrate in, she turned to Sasuke and found him already looking at her.

“How was your break?” she asked. Granted, KU didn’t really offer a “break” so much as one single day.

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“Helped my mom cook,” Sasuke said.

Sakura grinned. “Since when do you cook?”

“Excuse you, but if I recall correctly, I’m not the one who set off the smoke alarm from boiling water.” Her eyes widened and he smirked.

“THAT WAS ONE TIME!” Still blushing, she kicked him, but he only grabbed her ankle to steady her. “Hmph. Well, what did you cook?”

“Mashed potatoes.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “Oh, and that’s just such a feat. Look at you Top Chef Wonder.” She giggled at her own not particularly funny joke and told herself it was way too early in the day to already be tipsy. But from what she could remember, Sasuke actually was a great cook. “Is that all you made?” she continued.

“I made a pie, too, actually,” he said. Then he pushed her leg off his lap and went back to the kitchen. The bounce of her foot on the cushion was what made her realize the Sasuke had actually been drawing nonsensical things on her calf andandand—

No. No, she told herself. This. Is not. Allowed.

Finally, he came back with a Tupperware and a fork, handing them to her.

“What is this?” she asked, drawing her legs in and sitting up straight.

“Pie.”

“Huh?”

“Pie,” he repeated. “I made pumpkin pie. It’s Itachi’s favourite and I remembered that it’s yours too so I brought a slice back for you.” Sasuke shrugged and all but buried himself in his economics textbook.

Sakura smiled at the gesture. “Thank you,” she mumbled, poking at the pie.

He glanced at her but saw her focused on the dessert. “You’re welcome,” he replied into his book.

And after finishing the slice, Sakura picked up her own book. The two sat on the couch for a few hours simply reading in a comfortable silence.

.

.

October also came to mean sucking up. October meant heading over to office hours (even the ones that started at 9AM) and making an impression and getting on your professor’s good side so that at the end of the semester, when they were determining Naruto’s participation grade, they would remember his bright hair and bright clothes at each and every lecture.

But this year, their final year, meant going to office hours would no longer just be about proposing separate essay topics or clarifying anything said in class.

This year meant reference letters.

Reference letters for grad school.

But those also meant office hours, which, with Naruto’s luck, meant 9AM with Dr. Kakashi Hatake – which actually kind of sort of meant 10AM considering the man was always late…

Still, that was early considering said hours were on a Friday.

“Let’s move, lazyass!”

“But I’m tired,” Naruto whined, lagging behind Sakura. “Can’t we just be death eaters?”

“No!”

“Or we can just be homeless,” he pointed out. They were on their way to the Humanities Building where Sakura was going solely as Naruto’s moral support while he asked for letters of recommendation. Naruto Uzumaki was going to graduate school, but… well, he was sort of too much of a wimp to approach his favourite professors alone. Likewise, Naruto may or may not have treated her to slash bribed her with a delicious lemon poppy seed muffin and chai tea latte for breakfast.

“I have worked too hard all these years to be homeless,” Sakura said between sips of her drink.

“Fine, not homeless, per se.” Nevertheless, Naruto continued along to the Humanities Building. He stopped the oblivious Sakura from walking into the doors, knowing that for whatever annoying reason, the automatic doors weren’t so automatic. He knew. He may or may not have walked into said doors before…

“Oh?”

“We can live in a box,” Naruto told her with a wink.

She rolled her eyes. “Just ask for your letters, Naruto.”

“I don’t know what to say!” But they were already in the elevator.

“You say ‘Hey, Kakashi, I really want to come back to KU for another year to do more readings and write more papers and lead more seminars yada yada yada.’ He’ll love it.” The sad thing was that Sakura wasn’t joking. She’d had Dr. Hatake in her first-year “Literature for our Time” course with Naruto and from her own visits and talks with the man, she’d come to know what he was like.

And well… Naruto looked like he was considering.

“Do you honestly think that would work?”

“I have full faith.”

She genuinely did.

Sakura herself had been going with the more formal approach of: “Dr. Whatever, would you be willing to write me a positive letter recommendation for X Med School?” Most of her professors were very familiar with her and her study habits and her amazing work, so Sakura didn’t actually need to put the operative “positive” in her requests, but it didn’t hurt to stay safe.

But with a professor like Kakashi, things would work out fine for Naruto.

They stood outside of Kakashi’s office and Sakura gave Naruto a pat on the back. “Do you have any idea what you’d want to research though?”

Naruto nodded. “Gothic literature!” he told her eagerly, looking ready to actually tell her more. “I’d like to look at the late eighteenth century and then maybe at the revival of Gothic literature in contemporary times. I mean, Gothic work is just so prevalent nowadays and—”

“Don’t tell me this stuff,” Sakura interrupted. She pointed to Kakashi’s open door. “Tell him!”

“Oh, right…” Naruto laughed awkwardly. “Okay. I can do this.”

“You can do this.”

“I can!”

“You can!”

“…I CAN’T.”

Fed up, Sakura pushed him into Kakashi’s office.

.

.

“Okay, so that went better than expected.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “I told you.”

“Yeah, I know…” Naruto shrugged. “The entire asking-thing is just… nerve-wracking, I suppose.”

The two were at one of their favourite off campus haunts that served Sakura’s favourite sangria and made some of the greatest ramen Naruto had ever tasted. Sure, it was only noon, but it was never to early for wine and whining – at least, that was Sakura’s philosophy. And well, it had served her well for the past three years so…

Besides, it was Friday. Why not get nice and day drunk?

“So what schools are you applying to?” she asked Naruto.

“KU, of course,” Naruto listed through a grimace. “But… I don’t think I’ll get in. KU is so evil, Sakura-chan!”

She nodded. “Oh, I know.” While completing an undergraduate degree at KU was a magical feat in their humble opinions, to complete one and be accepted into the university’s graduate programs would be hard considering the CGPAs most KU students usually escaped with. While Sakura knew she wouldn’t have any problems, she did know that Naruto might. “Where else?”

“Not sure.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “What? Naruto, don’t just apply to one grad school if you’re set on doing your Master’s!”

“You don’t think I can get in?”

Sakura sighed. “It’s not like that,” she said, “it’s just that these are competitive programs. You should at least apply to more than one. I mean, what would you do if you didn’t get into KU?”

“…become a death eater?”

“You are so—so—” She sighed again and finished off her sangria. She poured another glass and sipped on that. “You’re like Ino.”

“What? I don’t like Ino!”

“Huh?” Sakura laughed. “No, I said you’re like her, not that you like her. That’d be weird.” In her semi-drunken state that was starting to become Sakura’s default state, she missed the red on Naruto’s cheeks.

“Well, how is Ino, anyway? I haven’t seen we had that kegger in September.” Both of them cringed, remembering their own personal awkward mistakes from that night. Naruto made a face. “Yeah. Ino.”

But Sakura snorted. “Who’s Ino? Oh! Did you mean Ino, the girl who’s apparently my bestie?” Sakura looked a little bit bitter. Maybe she was. Maybe she’s been in dire need of a girlfriend for the past two months but Ino hasn’t really been that great of a friend. “Yeah, she’s studying. She basically won’t have any human contact aside from lectures until she takes her LSATs in December.”

“I see.” Naruto noticed the sad look on Sakura’s face and wasn’t sure if she wanted a serious attempt at comfort or some kind of joke. “Well…” Naruto shrugged. “At least she has plans?”

“Yeah,” Sakura said with a nod. “I guess I just miss her.”

“What law schools will she apply to?”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT!” Sakura yelled. Her face crumpled and she took a long swig of her drink. “I miss her, Naruto. I know I’m being irrational and that my period is probably coming—”

“Thank you.”

“—but I mean it’s like she just doesn’t care about anyone right now!” Sakura refilled her glass and finished that in one go. Naruto subtly ordered another pitcher and Sakura continued: “I mean, I’m not trying to be clingy. I get it. She has stuff to do. But like, I’m living with Sasuke! HOW HAS SHE NOT EVEN ASKED ME IF THAT IS REMOTELY OKAY?!”

“Huh?” Naruto blinked. “I thought you said that you were okay with that… Sort of.”

“I am!”

“What?” God. Why were women so confusing?!

“I don’t care about Sasuke, Naruto!” Sakura looked at him like he was the one acting crazy. “What I’m saying is that Ino—my Ino—would have texted me the first night asking if I reacquainted myself with Sasuke, followed by an unnecessary amount of wink-faces! Current Ino responds to my text messages days late and never wants to hang out. Like I’m not even allowed to go to the library with her because she thinks I’ll distract her!”

“…you kind of are a huge distraction.” Which she was. As surprising as it was, Sakura was actually the one between the two of them that could be found not working (but still, unfairly enough, maintaining a 4.0 CGPA, so like what the hell).

“NOT THE POINT.”

Their next pitcher arrived and Sakura’s face lit up. “I’m just sad, I guess,” she admitted forlornly. “Or tired. A bit of both.” She sighed and suddenly looked a bit bashful. “I’m sorry. I’ve been ranting all this time. How are you and Sasuke doing?”

Naruto levelled her with a flat stare. “You make us sound like a couple.”

“Aren’t you?”

“SAKURA-CHAN!”

She giggled and Naruto let her. Mocking his “bromance” with Sasuke was always something that could make Sakura smile so he let it go. But suddenly the smile fell and she adopted a serious look. A bad serious look.

“Hey!” she yelled, grabbing his hand on the table. “Are you single?”

Naruto felt very, very uncomfortable with her hand on his. “What?”

“I have this friend,” she clarified. “She’s seen you in a lot of my photos and has probably stalked you on every possible social network. She thinks you’re really good-looking. She’s a super sweet girl and I think the two of you would hit it off really well.”

“Are you…” The words felt weird coming out of his mouth. “Are you trying to set me up?”

“No. Maybe. Yes.”

“What?” Naruto laughed at the mere idea. “What’s her name?”

“Hinata Hyuuga. Really smart, really sweet, really pretty. You’d like her.” Sakura pulled out her phone and logged into her Facebook to find the girl’s profile. She was about to show Naruto a picture but he covered the phone and placed it face-down on the table. “What?”

“I trust your judgement.”

Sakura blinked, utterly astonished. “So… you’ll go on a date with her?”

Musing over all the nothing that had been going on his life as of late, Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go on a date with her.”

-

NOVEMBERi need to go to sleep

-

November was the worst. November was when you got back your midterms or assignments, cried, rechecked said midterms or assignments, cried again, and then drowned your sorrows in your alcoholic beverage of choice.

For Naruto that was beer.

And as Naruto whined over the grade he got on the paper he wrote the morning it was due, Sakura rubbed his back with one hand and scrolled through the Recently Added section of Netflix.

“It could be worse,” Sakura said.

“How could it have been worse?” Naruto asked her, his eyes still trained on the bolded 72 at the bottom of the page.

“Naruto, a 72 by KU standards is actually pretty damn good!”

“Oh, shut up Miss 4.0. Leave me alone. Leave me to wallow in my sorrow and beer. There is nothing left for me. Alas, woe is me!”

Sasuke, on the other hand, wasn’t nearly as comforting. “Listen, dumbass. You passed. Passing is good, remember? You’re fine.”

“PASSING ISN’T ENOUGH FOR GRAD SCHOOL, SASUKE.”

He sat down beside Sakura, leaving her between the two boys. He handed her a mug of sangria and passed a brand new beer over to Naruto, letting him drink it between awkward whining noises that mimicked some sort of dying animal. Sakura looked ready to say some more words of consolation but Sasuke shook his head, signalling for her to stop. “Leave him be,” Sasuke said. “He’s always like this when he gets back a grade.”

“I know but…” Sakura glanced at Naruto. “He looks so pitiful.”

“I AM LITERALLY RIGHT BESIDE YOU, SAKURA-CHAN.” Naruto sat up straight, letting the blanket he’d wrapped himself in fall back a little. He stole the remote away from her and began to look through the files of movies and shows from Suigetsu’s hard drive that they had connected to the television. “My life is over.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Your life isn’t over.”

“It is.”

“You’re being an idiot.”

“Listen, Princess,” Naruto hissed, now glaring at Sasuke. “Not all of us have names that all but grant entry into programs and internships and all those other pretty things.”

Sasuke took offence to that. “I still need to maintain a good GPA to get in, Naruto. My name isn’t everything.”

Naruto didn’t seem to have any proper response to go with that so he simply stood up, tightened his burrito of a blanket, and waddled away. He came back a few seconds later to grab his beer, but still gave Sasuke and Sakura one last look of contempt before leaving.

“Such a baby,” Sakura mumbled when he was gone.

---

ALRIGHT AND THAT IS WHERE IT ENDED. i did find this though. i assume it was supposed to be part of the november chapter, which i never finished:

“Oh,” she said, understanding his look of awkwardness. She rolled her eyes. “No, this isn’t a gift with some meaning behind it, Sasuke. I mean, you made me pie, remember? It’s not like it had some implied Sakura-you-goddess-please-take-my-unworthy-self-back between the bites, right?” When he failed to reply, Sakura only frowned before shrugging the matter off. “The point is, this is a gift for you from me, Sakura the Friend.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Friend?”

She nodded. “Well we are friends, aren’t we?” She preferred ‘friends’ to ‘two people stuck being around each other despite lingering awkwardness simply because they had way too many mutual friends.’ “Sasuke?”

“Yeah,” he eventually replied. “We’re friends.��

Sakura grinned and patted the tablet. “Then accept my gift, friend.” She winked, emphasizing the word weirdly.

“Okay, don’t ever do that again.”

and then this the outline:

December: i need to study

Go sledding at the university 

Have a snowball fight on the field 

Everyone goes out to celebrate after Ino’s LSAT and get unbelievably drunk 

Sasuke and Sakura have gotten back together, which Naruto knows but doesn’t call them on 

Goes to his house for Christmas because her parents are travelling

Ino and Naruto hang out 

NYE party at the house 

Ends with Sakura checking her KU email and realizing there is a problem with her potential graduation

January: i need another vacation

Sakura ends up being in a Jane Austen course with Naruto because she was told she needed a humanities credit

February: i need to fix my habits

Go on a road trip for Reading Week

Come home Sunday night and scramble

March: i just need to graduate

Naruto and Sakura discuss their Big Boy/Girl jobs and the likeliness of them 

Naruto reveals that he’s seriously dating Ino 

Sakura is happy for him and tells him about Sasuke 

“I know. It’s not hard to tell. Why do you think rent isn’t so bad in that house? The walls are paper thin, you bitch.”

Dread paying back student loans 

Sakura tells him she’s nervous because Sasuke is studying abroad next year whereas Sakura’s dream school is KU’s med school – will they break up again 

Doesn’t tell him she plans to backpack for the year

“Do you realize this is like… the last time?”

April: i need to get in

Acceptance letters

May: i need my damn grades

Go on another road trip to unwind

June: i need to go back

Convocation

and i found this, which i think is meant to be in the january chapter:

“There is something very, very wrong with a situation if you are taking a class to bum notes off of Naruto.”

Sakura merely laughed as she spread out some sheets of paper and pretended to read them. She still had another two hours of work and she wasn’t particularly inclined to, well, work, and Tenten—the girl she shared the front desk with—didn’t really care whether she did anything or not.

“I know that sounded really bad,” Sakura said, “but I just need a Humanities credit.”

“Still!” Tenten urged, not even looking away from her computer screen. “Naruto.”

“He’s not as dumb as everyone thinks he is, you know.”

Tenten considered this before shrugging. “I suppose. He has been at KU for the past four years and is even graduating on time.”

“Exactly.” Sakura moved onto the mug of pens on her desk, testing each one to see which still had ink. “And he’s actually really good at Lit courses.”

“He should be,” Tenten replied with a snort. “I mean, that is what he’s specializing in.” Her chair squeaked when she leaned back and pushed away from her desk to roll over near Sakura. Their desk was L-shaped with each of them on one side. “What course is it again?” she asked. But being the fidgety person that she was, Tenten moved to put away some student files. She climbed onto the stool and alphabetizing. “It was something cheesy.”

“Austen and Her Contemporaries.” Sakura hadn’t gotten past her first word before Tenten burst out into giggles. She couldn’t help but smirk when another thought came to mind. “Want to know something even better?”

Tenten gave Sakura her full attention. “Um, obviously.”

“Sasuke’s taking it with us too.”

oh man.

thank you for asking about this fic because i had absolutely no recollection of it but as i read all these docs, i realized how trashy i was in undergrad. and how frightened i was of graduating! just reading this makes me remember how afraid of growing up i used to be -- of not being a student and having to get a job and running out of time. but man i’ve been so much happier since then. the fear of “running out of time” is always around but i also have lost the will to care about people and/or things as the years have gone by. 

ok sorry that totally wasn’t your question lmao. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE ROLLERCOASTER OF THAT OUTLINE. 

how did it end? well, everyone graduated. presumably everyone got into the post-grad programs of their dreams (although funding??). the naruto arc was totally based on me in my 4th year and his plans are NOT where my future went lmao. although to be clear, future him is definitely satisfied with where his life took him. ss and ni double dated happily ever after. maybe. probably.

[taexual]

Providence / Jungwoo x Reader

You’re searching for a place to finally start your life and end up discovering your home on the backseat of a long-distance bus, a hopeful yet lonely stranger by your side.

pairing: runaway!au – kim jungwoo x reader

warnings: mostly fluff

words: 4.3k

ANON REQUEST: CAN WE GET SOME JUNGWOO FLUFFITY FLUFF UP IN HERE PLEASE!!

You were completely unprepared for the five-hour bus ride and you swore at yourself and the universe with each step you took towards the bus station. You should have gotten a driver’s license. You should have gone by train instead, at least, then you wouldn’t have had to suffer from the bumpy road. But you’d finished preparing for this trip too late – although, taking a while to prepare for this wasn’t something that you blamed yourself for; it took serious courage to get ready to leave a place that you grew up in – and, thus, you were stuck walking down the aisle of the bus, searching for an empty spot.

You’ve never gone this far by bus before, so you weren’t sure how this worked but you had hopes you’d figure it out. However, as soon as you put your backpack down next to a skinny kid – who appeared to have been asleep already, – you heard the bus driver holler at you.

“Miss!” he was shouting. “You have to show me your ticket before you sit down.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, uncomfortable because the few passengers around you had all turned to look at you, silently blaming your inability to perform your responsibilities for disrupting their rest. “Well, I don’t really have a ticket yet. W-where can I—?”

“You don’t even have—you need to buy it at the station,” the driver informed you with a groan as you walked back towards the door of the bus. He was clearly trying not to let his irritation get the best of him, but it wasn’t hard to see that incompetent passengers pissed him off – who could have thought you could be bad at traveling by bus? “Twenty minutes before we leave, that’s more than enough time for you to go buy one.”

“Right, okay,” you said, checking your jean pocket for change. You’d hoped to buy the ticket from the driver but, clearly, this wasn’t how this worked. “Can I just leave my stuff here, then? I’ll be right back with the ticket.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” he dismissed, merely glancing at the “No Stealing” sign glued on the windshield. The sign was useless, really, -- what could have the driver done if someone had actually stolen something? If you’d ask him, he’d just say it wasn’t his fault people weren’t looking after their belongings properly.

Choosing to still leave your backpack on the bus – it was far too heavy for you to carry back and forth and it didn’t really contain anything valuable, anyway – you turned around and sprinted out of the bus and towards the station.

It took you a while to get past the crowds of people, piling out of the station and wildly searching for their buses, but once you were finally inside, you located the huge, red letters, reading TICKETS fairly quickly.

You must have gone blind when you’d first arrived because you swore the ticket office wasn’t here – or maybe you were just distracted by the fact that you’ve never been to a bus station before and the number of various people here wasn’t just overwhelming, it was actually insane. You’ve seen two women with bright, neon-red coats that cost more than a university tuition, at least five men, walking right after them, and looking like they had to cross three oceans to get to the station, and a group of around twenty children, all dressed in white and singing a Christmas carol at the top of their lungs – they looked terrifying and you decided they must have been on their way to film a new horror movie. You also saw a Golden Retriever walking a chihuahua, but by that time, you were convinced your eyes had to have been playing tricks on you.

When you finally reached the ticket office, you ended up having to wait for five minutes until the lady behind the glass finished her conversation on the phone. You spent this time enjoying the parade of people all around you – the Golden Retriever must have already left, sadly – and only refocused your attention on the cashier when she tapped her pen against the glass, startling you.

“Oh, sorry, right,” you fumbled with the change in your pocket, ordering your ticket.

“If this is a two-way ticket, you’ll need—” the cashier started to say, typing something on her computer.

“It’s not,” you replied, knowing you weren’t going to come back here anytime soon.

“Alright,” she said, a little skeptical. She didn’t pry – although it was obvious that she wanted to – but she found your decision unusual; not many people took this bus and didn’t bother to buy a ticket back. “Here’s your ticket and have a good day.”

“Thank you,” you nodded, checking the watch on your hand before grabbing the ticket and heading back to the bus.

You got back just in time, with barely two minutes to spare, and the driver looked almost disappointed to see you – although that could have just been his face. He checked your ticket and you finally allowed yourself to release a breath you’d seemed to have been holding in the whole day.

This was it. You were leaving.

“Is this your bag?” a loud, squeaky voice spoke as soon as you started to make your way towards the seat where you’d placed your backpack.

“Uh,” you stammered, noticing that the woman – standing next to your things – was addressing you. “Yes, it’s mine.”

“Well, move it,” she ordered. “I’m sitting here.”

“Oh,” you blinked and double-checked your ticket. It didn’t have a seat number on it, so figured leaving your backpack in an empty spot would have guaranteed you the seat but, apparently, not. Maybe she was the mother of the boy sleeping on the next seat; you didn’t know and you didn’t care enough to ask. “Okay, sorry.”

She just huffed in annoyance and sat down as soon as you moved out of her way, looking around the bus for an empty spot again. You would have preferred to sit alone or, at the very least, next to someone whom you could fight if you had to – so, definitely not next to the three different, buff looking middle-aged men – but nearly all the seats were already taken.

Hearing the driver start the engine, you hurried to the back of the bus – it was mostly empty, aside from one guy sitting in the very middle of the five seats – and took a spot by the window before the bus started to move.

This wasn’t an ideal seat – it didn’t have a window next to it – but it’d have to do. The guy sitting one seat down from you didn’t look overly threatening – although he seemed quite tall – so you figured that, all things considered, you were going to be alright sitting here.

Exhaling again, you leaned back in your seat and unzipped the front pocket of your backpack. Although you were starting to feel relieved with each meter that the bus drove away from the station, you nearly panicked once your fingers did not locate the familiar wire of your earphones inside of the pocket.

Confused, you turned the backpack around, checking again. You always put your earphones here, it has become a habit by now. And you could remember checking if they were really there before you left – they were – so what had to have happened to them?

You looked around the bus, thinking that maybe you’d dropped them when you were carrying your backpack, but the floor seemed to be – more or less – clean and empty. Then, you even checked the other pockets of your backpack – just in case you’d gone out of your mind and put your earphones somewhere else – but they weren’t there, either.

Everything else was in place and the earphones seemed to have been the only thing that was missing from your bag. Thank God you kept your wallet in the inner pocket of your jacket or else you could have lost that, too.

You stood up, then – your backpack, when you’d left it on the bus, might not have had any valuable items in it, but your earphones, however old they were, could have been considered stealing-worthy – and decided to check if the woman in the seat where you’d left your bag before had seen them.

“Excuse me,” you approached her a little awkwardly and very warily. She did not look like someone you could fight and win. “Have you noticed white earphones anywhere on this seat, I had—”

“I haven’t noticed anything,” she replied curtly, the displeasure of having to talk to you evident in her voice. “It was just your backpack blocking my seat. That’s it.”

“Okay, well, maybe they fell on the floor—”

“I’m sure they didn’t,” she said.

“Well, they’re not in my backpack, so they had to—”

“Look, go bother someone else with your problems, alright?” she cut you off one more time. “I’m not your mother, I won’t find your shit for you.”

You wanted to say something else – or defend your age, even; the woman looked barely eight or so years older than you – but chose to stay quiet instead. Clearly, she wasn’t someone you could have a conversation with without disturbing the whole bus – although the boy next to her was still snoring peacefully – so you tried a different approach and headed towards the driver.

“Hi, excuse me—” you started to say but the driver took one look at you and snorted, rolling his eyes.

“I already checked your ticket,” he said. “You can sit calmly until we reach the last stop.”

“No, I know,” you chuckled awkwardly. “It’s just that, I left my backpack here when I went to the station, and I think someone might have taken my—”

“Not my business,” he interrupted you. Apparently, not one person on this bus was going to let you finish at least one sentence. “Should have taken it with you if something expensive was in it.”

You weren’t the first person complaining about missing things to him. He never took them – that much he was sure of – and he couldn’t have been bothered to babysit every passenger on his bus to make sure they didn’t steal, either.

“No, it’s not very expensive,” you replied. “It’s just my earphones.”

“Well, if it’s not expensive, then why are you all up in my face?” the driver turned around to look at you for more effect. His displeased face was enough for you to accept that while you fought a purposeless battle here, something else inside of your bag could go missing.

“Right. I’ll get back. Uh—” you hesitated. “Sorry.”

“Whatever.”

If traveling all by yourself wasn’t stressful enough already, then encountering heaps of people with an attitude so negative, you were starting to wish you’d never gotten on this bus, surely added more anxiety to your already overly-alert mind. Good thing you had a five-hour ride to calm your beating heart down.

As soon as you got back to your seat in the back of the bus, you settled in a position that was hopefully going to help you fall asleep – since you had nothing better to do – or, at least, snooze a little until you arrived. Unfortunately, the seat of the bus might as well have been made completely out of metal; it seemed to dig into every soft part of your body.

“Looking for justice on an intercity bus is really bold of you,” a voice spoke suddenly and it took you a moment to realize that the statement was directed at you.

Turning your head slowly, you noticed the only other person sitting in the back of the bus, looking at you. It was, of course, the same relatively unthreatening guy you’d seen before, only this time he had turned his face towards you and the gentle smile on his face let you know that he didn’t just look like the opposite of dangerous; he actually looked rather inviting.

“I wasn’t expecting everyone here to be so cold,” you replied, straightening in your seat. “My earphones had gone missing, which isn’t something that happens often. I don’t really misplace things.”

“Someone probably stole them,” he said. “When I got off the bus for two minutes to go to the bathroom outside, my coke bottle was no longer on my seat.”

Your eyes widened. “Really? So, is there someone on this bus purposefully collecting these… admittedly, rather worthless things from the other passengers or are we all just stupid?”

The guy laughed. “No, I’d say someone here might be taking our stuff. It’s not a big deal in my case, though, so I’m not too worried.”

“It’s not really a big deal in my case, either,” you sighed. “I’ll just have to spend the next five hours listening to the snoring of the guy sitting in front of me.”

Still smiling, the guy picked up one of his own earphones from where it lied on his chest – his other one was in his ear – and extended it to you.

“Here,” he said. “I don’t mind sharing.”

You raised your eyebrows at this, the unexpected act of kindness making you suspicious. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “And don’t worry, my taste in music is actually great. Although, I guess any music would be better than the sound of someone snoring, right?”

You chuckled, nodding in agreement and then moving over to sit in the seat next to him as you decided to take up on his offer and put the earphone he’d given you into your ear. After encountering so many people who seemed to hate the sight of you, it was nice to meet one who wasn’t really bothered by you. You decided you weren’t going to distance yourself from the first kind person you met today.

The guy was listening to a song you didn’t know, but it wasn’t a screamo group – you didn’t have anything against them, but you liked to settle on music that was a little bit more peaceful – and that was enough for you to believe that he wasn’t a serial killer – not that serial killers only listened to screamo groups or anything – so you turned to him and nodded in approval.

“Your taste really doesn’t seem bad,” you said. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he replied. “We’ve already gotten mugged on this bus, the least we can do is be kind to each other.”

“Right,” you scoffed. “Tell that to the driver. He looked like he was going to kick me off the bus when I approached him. Or that lady at the front. She nearly bit my head off.”

“Well, the people here,” the guy started knowingly, “they have to endure a five-hour trip every morning. It kind of makes you grumpy whether you like it or not. They’re much nicer when they’re on their way home. I don’t know about the driver, though. I think he’s just an asshole in nature.”

“Yeah, I’d say,” you scoffed and, after the few minutes of silence that followed, decided to say, “you seem to know a lot about the people here. Do you take this bus often?”

“No,” the guy replied simply. “But I take other buses. Always the intercity ones – I like to see new places, I guess – and they all have the same kind of people abroad.”

“Huh,” you nodded, the earphone wire moving between you two. You glanced at him – he was staring ahead – and realized that, up close, his kind features were a lot more prominent and, consequently, a lot more attractive. You felt an unwelcome pang of excitement in your stomach, so you turned away, biting your lip.

Instead of carrying on with the conversation, you decided to introduce yourself. Perhaps knowing each other’s names would help you feel more at ease – although, sharing earphones seemed to do the trick pretty well, too.

“I’m Jungwoo,” the guy replied. “It’s nice to meet you.”

You nodded. “Where are you going this time?”

“Nowhere,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and accidentally nudging you in a way that let you know just how close to him you were sitting. “Or everywhere. Depends on how you look at it.”

“Okay,” you said, smiling a little at the cryptic answer. You weren’t sure if Jungwoo was really his name anymore, judging by the vague answer he’d just given you. “Sorry if I’m asking too much.”

“No, it’s cool,” he said. “It’s only fair we get to know each other a little. We seem to be the only people that are awake on this bus.”

“Well, the driver’s awake,” you pointed out.

“Not like us, he isn’t,” Jungwoo said and, although he didn’t explain what he meant, you seemed to understand him still. “Where are you going?”

“Away from here,” you replied with a pause, unsure how much you should share about yourself after he had restrained himself from letting you know too much. “I don’t really have a destination in mind, I just wanted to leave.”

“Sometimes leaving a familiar place is good for you,” Jungwoo said, making a surprised smile appear on your lips. “What time you’re getting back?”

“I’m not,” you said. “At least, not anytime soon. I don’t know where I’ll stay yet but I do know it won’t be here.”

“Hmm,” he merely nodded, not saying anything else and not trying to tell you how naïve you sounded – most people would have told you that you’d crawl home crying as soon as you ran into any sort of an obstacle, but Jungwoo just sighed and leaned back in his seat. “It would be nice to find one place to stay in, wouldn’t it? Like, for the rest of your life.”

You inhaled before shrugging your shoulders. “Ideally, yes. But I don’t think that’s realistic anymore. Not for me, at least.”

“Why not?” he asked, turning to face you as he rested his head against the backrest of the seat.

“I don’t think my heart is capable of being still anymore,” you tried to explain your feelings while growing consistently more aware of the fact that you were having a deep discussion with a complete stranger on a bus full of unhappy people, all headed towards a place they did not particularly want to be in. “It’s always looking for something, always beating wildly all over my chest, and yet it never comes close to finding anything that would finally soothe it. I didn’t feel at home when I was home. I never felt at home, really, and I don’t think I ever will.”

“Well, that’s an awfully pessimistic attitude,” he said, earning a look from you. “No, seriously. You never know what’s in the future for you. You’re just bringing yourself down by expecting the worst. That’s not healthy.”

“Being optimistic and constantly getting disappointed isn’t healthy, either,” you pointed out.

“That’s true, but there’ll come a time when you won’t be disappointed,” he insisted, unexpectedly profound words leaving his lips. “And I think it’s worth waiting for that time.”

You smiled, his soft manner of speaking seemingly melting your heart albeit just a little. You dared to look at him for longer this time, choosing to allow the endorphins to explode into your bloodstream when you saw his smile.

“You’re a very hopeful guy,” you told him.

“I have to be,” he replied, the honesty in his eyes drawing you into him even more. You could already feel the warmth from his body radiating onto yours in an almost suffocating – yet somehow pleasant – way. “I don’t have anyone else to do the hoping for me.”

The statement seemed far too personal for you to question what he meant – and now you were starting to think that the reason Jungwoo was so vague about his destination was actually because he wasn’t sure about it himself – so you leaned back in your seat just like he had done minutes prior and closed your eyes.

“This is a good song,” you said, gently tapping the beat with your fingers on the empty seat of the bus next to you.

“It’s my favorite,” Jungwoo breathed. He didn’t want to disrupt the song by talking at full volume and, more than that, he didn’t want you to open your eyes if he spoke too loudly because, that way, he couldn’t look at you as freely as he could now, when you had no idea you were being watched.

He wasn’t doing it in an intrusive way – at least, not intentionally – but he couldn’t help himself. He’d noticed you as soon as you got on the bus that first time – no ticket and no clue what to do with yourself – and, immediately, he felt a duty to protect you. He’s never seen anyone look so out of place before and it seemed unfair to him how everyone on this bus was naturally annoyed by you simply because you’ve never done this before and they’ve done it a million times.

He’s taken so many buses – so many that, in fact, he wasn’t sure which city he was even going to anymore – and everyone he’s met has had a specific goal in mind. They were going to work. They were meeting up with a secret mistress. They were coming back home to their family. They were leaving for school.

No one ever got on this bus without a destination in mind – it was always just him.

And then you showed up, confused and almost foreign, emitting a certain light that Jungwoo had thought he’d never see again. So many dull, black and white people walked past him every day, all rushing, all so preoccupied with their lives, their duties, and their responsibilities that he was starting to lose hope to see someone as out of place in this world as he was.

So, he stared at you – shamelessly and endlessly. You didn’t look pretty to him because you literally were. You looked pretty because you were the first person that he’s met who was hoping to transcend the simple, human existence—that everyone else was content with—and do something more.

“Can I ask you something?” Jungwoo felt himself speak, unwillingly breaking the magical spell the song in his earphones had put on you both.

Surprised by the question, you opened your eyes and met his. Instead of feeling alarmed at the close proximity, however, you were surprised to find yourself almost comforted by it. Somewhere along the way, the song playing in your ear had started to lull you to sleep and the only thing you feared more than the pointlessness of life was loneliness. You were afraid you’d open your eyes and you’d be all alone on this bus – the only one without a plan, surrounded by people with their whole lives mapped out.

God, it was so easy to feel lonely when you spend your whole life alone – even in crowds of people – but with Jungwoo by your side, his protective eyes on you, you realized you were slowly starting to calm down, the constant heavy feeling of fear seemed to subside.

“Yes,” you said to him.

“This place you’re going to…” Jungwoo started to say, “wherever it is, do you think it’d have room for one more?”

Swallowing thickly to hide the rapid beating of your heart – it wasn’t beating because of the painful uncertainty about what you were going to do with your life; it seemed to be banging against your ribcage because it could sense a change that would, perhaps, finally allow it to feel at peace – you gave him a smile.

“Yes,” you answered. “If you’re willing to stumble around in the dark for God knows how long because I don’t know how much time it’ll take me to figure out what to do.”

“I don’t know what to do, either,” Jungwoo admitted, lowering his eyes, “I’ve been going from place to place, looking for a purpose,” he stopped, licking his lips and then looking up at you again. “I think… I think that perhaps I’ve finally found it and it’d be stupid of me not to give it a shot, right?”

You nodded, your heart and your feelings and all of the panic you’ve felt since you got on this bus suddenly in your throat. But you didn’t struggle to breathe because you were scared or because you were overwhelmed with emotion. You struggled because you’d spent so much time looking for a place you belonged – all to no avail. And it was finally starting to feel like you’ve found it, right here, next to a person you’d met less than an hour ago.

Jungwoo felt so much more familiar than anyone else you’d met before.

You wouldn’t have allowed him to get so close to you, but the aching loneliness had started to pour out of you, turning you into a dark, sad shadow of yourself. And Jungwoo looked just like you imagined yourself to look; he looked like he was waiting for something but he never even knew what, he looked like he’s sat on the backseat of so many intercity buses, always anticipating something that was probably never going to come – and now it came.

Perhaps you felt connected to him because you could feel his pulse when he extended his hand to touch yours – carefully but reassuringly – and the beating of his heart matched your own – it was the beating of a tortured heart, a heart that was never meant to beat without a purpose and yet it was doing just that. Or perhaps it was because you could hear his breath when he sighed, attempting to exhale every single worry and every ounce of pain, and failing. There was too much of it, lodged inside of his lungs – but he was trying now. He hasn’t tried before.

Or perhaps this was something else, something you had no control of. Perhaps, as unlikely as it was, the universe had shifted to show you that there were people like you – the lost children, the runaways that no one wanted – and you were going to meet them at the most unexpected moments of your life.

You and Jungwoo were just two people who’d never had anyone – the only lonely people in the whole world – and now, on the backseat of this long-distance bus, you’d found each other.

[reekierevelator]

On the Eve of the Wedding

Finishing up at work on Friday nights was never easy.  There was always one last thing to do.  And then another last thing.  And another. It was never easy ensuring all the vans had returned from making deliveries and all next week’s orders were fully processed and ready to be loaded first thing Monday morning. And presentation was important. If the vans came back filthy a quick hose down was necessary.

Being loading bay supervisor was a reasonable job but I was hoping to make transport manager before I hit thirty.  After that I figured it might be time to settle down. But that Friday all I was thinking was at least it was the end of the week. So, at last, time for a pint at the local, the works’ crowd gathering in the Sheared Sheep, just to be sociable and wind down, reducing the week’s stresses and strains to old war stories, something to make each other laugh about.  

And Friday nights I liked a drink. Didn’t take the old jalopy in on Fridays. So later I’d generally pick up fish and chips or a pizza, or end up in an Indian restaurant with some of the gang.  If I got the early bus back to my little bachelor pad on the outskirts of town I’d maybe get something delivered. But this Friday night was different.

It was Rebecca Ralston, the red head from the marketing department. I seemed to have been bumping into her for the last few weeks. The main offices were at the opposite end of the site to the loading bay but somehow she’d felt the need to come over several times, wanting to talk to me about planning new adverts for the vans, different colour schemes, scheduling printing, application to the vehicles and so on. And this even though the current advertising contract still had almost a year to run.

Not that I minded. She was a bubbly sort of girl, an effervescent personality. Irregular teeth like pushed over tombstones but still easy on the eye. She brought a little brightness into the windowless little office in the dark cavern of the loading bay. She liked to talk with a hand on my arm or my shoulder, making sure she had my attention. And that day she hinted that after work on Fridays it wasn’t unusual for her to find her way to the Sheared Sheep. As it happened it suited her, she said, living close enough to just walk home if she happened to stay late.

Unfortunately, it was nearly eight when I finally got everything wrapped up and made that watering hole. The pub was already in that in-between phase where most of the early evening ‘couple of pints after work’ crowd had already been, drunk their quota, and gone off to catch buses and trains, while only one or two of the genuine locals had as yet made an appearance.  

But Rebecca was there, sitting on the edge of one of those leather sofas they’d refurbished the place with, the typical modern décor reflecting the changing functionality; more coffee shop or restaurant these days than the traditional beer-swillers’ second home.

The sofa was angled towards the door and as I entered she looked up at me under her curls and neatly shaped eyebrows and I could see she already had a glow on. She smiled that girlish crooked teeth smile and raised her hand in a nominal gesture of welcome. The black jacket of her office trouser suit was slung over the arm of the sofa. Her pretty powder blue blouse and black trousers looking fetching.

Two of the new young recruits to Accounts sat beside her. They noticed me as they followed Rebecca’s gaze.  She introduced them as Jerome and Melissa but as I joined them they both rose to leave, even refusing my offer of a round, insisting instead that they had other obligations and had to rush home. But they would be sure to see me around the office – sometime. People from the main office don’t mix much with the van loading fraternity.

Rebecca held out an empty glass saying she wouldn’t mind another double vodka tonic with lemon and ice, and when I returned from the bar the pub was even emptier.  Rebecca made a show of looking around all points of the compass, her short red curls bouncing, before she declared the Sheared Sheep mutton.

‘It’s really dead here, isn’t it?

I nodded and took another swallow before concluding the guest real ale, Crafty Brown Cow IPA was something less than acceptable. It seemed fermented from liquidised mince.

‘There’s another place up off the main road that’s livelier,’ Rebecca was saying, and I’d hardly had time to sit down before she’d grabbed my hand and we were on the move.  

The Hardened Artery wasn’t my usual kind of place but it was certainly busy. A three piece guitar band was playing 50s rock n roll on a tiny stage and there were even young trendy types trying to dance.  I rooted around and managed to scrounge a couple of stools and we proceeded to shout at each other, exchanging inane pleasantries over a medley of Johnny B Good and Hey Bo Diddley.

‘I like your shirt,’ she shouted, making me glance down at my red and blue striped button-down Ben Sherman.

‘I like your blouse Rebecca,’ I shouted back.

‘Call me Becky,’ she insisted.

‘Ok,’ I said, ‘call me Steve.’

 The band were roaring into Promised Land as Becky drew her stool much closer to mine saying she couldn’t hear, and I picked up floral notes from her eau de cologne as she pressed her legs up against mine. She waved her hand around ostentatiously like a fan in front of her face and undid the top buttons of her blouse as she complained about the heat. I felt myself definitely getting very warm too. I might not be quite God’s gift but I was sure I was picking up signals and the sap was rising. I wasn’t wearing a tie I could loosen but I took off my jacket and instead undid a few buttons of my shirt revealing the pecs and heading to the six pack.

Another few drinks in that sweaty room and the long working week was catching up with me. I was dreading the long cold bus journey home and found myself glancing down at Rebecca’s newly revealed cleavage with a certain amount of wishful thinking.

‘After a final couple of brandies we fell out into the cold dark street and, saying how late it was, Becky suggested, as even in my increasingly inebriated state I somehow thought she might, that I spend the night at her place and leave off travelling home until the morning.

After a twenty minute walk, or rather stagger, including various impromptu stops for clinches and kisses, her place turned out to be a bedsit in a big old converted house, part of a street of big old converted houses.  The furnishings were Spartan. A lack of chairs meant I had to sit on the bed while she retrieved a couple of bottles of beer from an otherwise suspiciously empty cupboard.  After she’d applied the bottle-opener and handed me mine she plonked herself down across my knees, draping her arm around my neck.  I only had time for one more sip of beer before her lips locked on mine and we toppled backwards on to the bed.

She was wildly enthusiastic and I wasn’t complaining, but that degree of gay abandon did engender a certain sort of ‘last time before the end of the world’ feeling. It was a long time before I was allowed to sleep.

Afterwards, in the morning, I commented that of the various women I’d known she was unusual in not living amid a clutter of clothes, shoes, accessories, and a jumble of make-up jars and bottles.

She said ‘Well, to be honest, that is usually me too, but I’ve already moved almost all of my stuff to Denis’s place.’

‘Denis?’ I queried cautiously.

‘My fiancé.  I’m moving in to his place after the wedding.’

For a moment I thought, hoped, I’d misheard. But Becky rambled on, unselfconscious and unconcerned. ‘The wedding’s at three o’clock tomorrow. Well, three o’clock today now, of course,’ she said peering at her little bedside alarm clock and giggling. ‘The dress – floor length, dazzling white and lacy - is laid out at my Mum’s, along with all the other stuff.  The cake’s a beauty – three tiers. I’ve got to get to HairWays at eleven. Full hairdo and manicure treatment. I’m going for cherry red nail-varnish to match my lipstick. The make-up will take forever. Sorry, it’s a bit late to send you an invite. But there are still one or two things no-one’s chosen yet on our gift list – I mean, only if you really wanted to…’

‘You’re… you’re… getting married - today?’ I managed to stammer.

She stretched her arm under the bed and brought forth a little box. ‘Yes, I am,’ she said, opening the little box and putting the ring on her finger. She held her arm up in the air to watch the diamond sparkle.

‘And Denis?’

‘Oh, he plays rugby, professional now. And he’s been working nights as a doorman, mainly the Jacaranda Club, - to help pay for the wedding.’

‘Ah... he sounds like a great guy.’

‘Yes, but I’m not married to him yet, am I Steve?  And you’ve got lovely blue eyes and you’re really quite firm and muscular too – it must be helping to load all those heavy boxes. You know the girls up at the office have been talking about you for a while. We like to see your hose on the forecourt. I thought, well, I might as well make use of my last legitimate opportunity. At least that’s what they all told me when we were out on my hen night last week.’

‘Oh really?’ was all I could find to say.

Maybe I looked a little disappointed or pensive because she peered into my apparently lovely blue eyes and bit her lip with her unusual teeth. ‘Oh dear, I hope I haven’t offended you.’ she said. ‘Steve, you don’t feel I’ve just been using you, do you?’ She burst into a big smile. ‘I mean, it was good fun, wasn’t it?’

‘Well, yes,’ I had to admit. ‘Really, it was great.  And no, I suppose… I mean, I was as keen as you were… It’s just…’

‘Oh, well that’s all right then, isn’t it?’  Her eyes shone brightly. ‘And it’s only nine o’clock. I won’t be Mrs Denis McGlone for another six hours. We’ve still got at least another hour before I have to be going.’

And as she fell into my arms I tried hard to clear all the frightening images of giant prop forwards and burly bouncers from my mind.    

[singminibang]

By Myself

Author: The Unaccomplished Writer (tumblr: @theunaccomplishedwriter)

Artist: Skulpin (tumblr: @skulpin)

Summary: He’s all packed. He’s got his ticket. He’s got a place lined up to stay. He’s more than ready to leave. Now all he has to do is get on that plane. Problem is that it’s ever so slightly delayed. Stuck in an airport in the middle of the night, Lance wanders round the airport, taking in his final look of the sights and animals that make up this country before he leaves for good. But will a last phone call change his mind?

It’s a strange thing; an airport in the small hours of the morning. If you stop to think about it, we all have the same sort of preconceived notions of what an airport is like, even if you’ve never been to one.

The frantic dashers hurrying over to the checkout desk before being told they were seconds too late; the complaints of being stuck too long in the queue for security; the half-muttered swears as the metal detectors bleeps; the mutual discomfort of the security pat down, the inevitable item you left in your bag being flagged up and having to route through delicate packing to bring out the most innocuous item.

Then, after all that effort, you’re waved through without a word and you’re left with the nigh impossible task of repacking your previously impeccably packed bag into some semblance of order. All this while an animal with bags under her eyes and uniform straining against her ever expanding paunch, glowers at you as the queue of irritated animals grows ever larger behind your overpacked suitcase lid.

The groans, moans, screeches and squeaks are all expected, all part of the experience as much as whining children and terrible airline food. It’s almost half the reason you go, just to complain about it afterwards to your friends, all of whom gives knowing nods of agreeance.

Yet once the sun dips over the horizon, all the frenzied activity slows to a lethargic crawl. Gone are the throngs of animals heading off in all directions for flights, all hopeful and excited. In their place comes the bleary-eyed and weary passengers who mill around the near empty airport, making the most of the cheaper fares and below average vending machine teas. The legions of alert and helpful staff shepherding them to their correct destinations are by undervalued and underpaid staff of nocturnal and diurnal bent who put more effort into finding a quiet corner to kip in than assisting their exhausted travellers.

Sitting in one of the airport’s many near identical waiting room, Lance drummed his digits against his knees as he attempted in vain to get himself comfy in his chair. Lance sat perched on the metallic edge of the fabric backed chair, his paw brushing his back occasionally, making sure he hadn’t in-avertedly skewered the chair’s mauve fabric.

Readjusting himself for the umpteenth time, Lance glanced over at the departure board to once again verify what he already knew. Flight MK 5876 to Anopolis International Airport was delayed. Lance groaned before resumed his knee drumming with renewed fervour.

Six hours.

Six bloody hours of hanging in limbo.

The plane had arrived on time, the luggage carefully thrown on, the crew having filed past him and down the walkway in their pristine uniforms. All seemed to be going like clockwork. But then the soulless sounding tannoy bonged tunelessly before the lady announcer, speaking as if she had all emotions forcibly removed from her very being, informed the animals of Flight MK 5876 that there would be a delay due a ‘technical issue’. Even Lance, for all lack of flying, knew that that was the international code for ‘we have no clue but don’t panic, we’ll figure it out… we hope’.

That was at twenty past seven. It was now verging towards half past one.

“Bloody airports,” Lance grumbled, his uncomfortable seating arrangements not helping his mood in the slightest. “Get you all worried about arriving on time, make you go through all the palaver of security and rushing you to your gate only to keep you hanging round like you’re on the dole.”

Looking round the sparsely populated waiting room, Lance saw that he, along with the two flamingo flight attendants manning the gate, were the only animals still awake. The rest had wisely decided to collectively nod off than torture themselves with the arduous task of consciously waiting for their flight. One of those who had taken the slumbering route was a particularly large grizzly bear in a two sizes too small t-shirt who decided at that very moment to start snoring right down Lance’s ear.

Taking that as his cue, Lance grabbed his carry-on bag and made his way out of the waiting area, to both escape the deafening noise and to let the blood return to his pained legs.

Exiting the waiting area, Lance found himself amongst the mostly shut shops, with only Veggie King soldiering through the wee hours, the chimp cashier slumped against the counter while his squirrel co-worker slept in the crook of his folded arm.

Passing the shuttered shops, Lance peered into their darkened interiors, their wares on display as if to tease low minded animals to take a crack at stealing them while a CCTV camera watched voyeuristically from a near hidden corner.

“Then again,” Lance thought, “with the prices they charge it might be worth nicking a magazine or two.”

Looking back at the magazines and newspapers however, emblazoned with vapid or hateful headlines, Lance resisted the urge to shoplift. It was the usual dross anyway. Sensationalist newspapers telling you to fear their immigrant neighbours, gaudy magazines shaming women into being another dress size smaller, or dirty magazines showing off a sow’s breasts as if she were a piece of meat while simultaneously shaming her for apparent slutty behaviour. Pushing himself away from the shops, his stomach reminded him of a more pressing need, letting out a gargantuan gurgle.

“Oh yeah, guess I haven’t eaten in a while,” Lance thought, as he began to rummage around his pockets. After pulling out some loose coppers, paper receipts and a spare plectrum that he thought he had lost a month ago, a Gekko chocolate bar was finally prised from its Demin tomb. Unwrapping it and snapping the lizard shaped chocolate in two between his teeth, Lance savoured the taste while internally bemoaning the twenty-five pence price tag.

“25p for a Gekko? Jesus, what’s the country coming to?” Lance moaned before shoving the other half of confectionary delight into his gob.

Pocketing the empty wrapper and swallowing the remnants of the chocolate, Lance resumed wandering before making his way over to the other near deserted waiting rooms. It took nearly ten minutes of aimless meandering before Lance saw something other than empty rooms and disaffected staff.

Idling up to the glass exterior of the waiting room, Lance looked over the artificially lit scene. Seated in slumbering tableaux; armadillos, crocodiles, deer, a lone squirrel, and a family of skunks were all in the collective land of nod. Some alone, some in clusters, some cutely cuddled together, some trying to rend themselves apart. Yet all slept on into the night, their consciousnesses on a joint voyage into timeless dreams.

All except one animal.

A lone hog remained conscious, his piglets all unconscious around him, having given up the ghost on trying to stay conscious any longer a long time ago.  While the seven piglets remained lent against each other in an attempt to get some form of comfort, their middle-aged father’s eyes remained wide open, transfixed on the delayed sign lit at the other end of the room. It was as he was in a trance. The snoring not putting him off. The unchanging sign not distracting him. The fact that a teenage porcupine openly staring at him not even registering with his internal parental sensors. The father’s eyes remained transfixed as if, by sheer power of will, he could make his flight any less delayed than it already was.

“You can’t change it,” Lance tiredly yawned. “no matter how much you want it to.” Lance shook his head, pushing the fatigue and thoughts back down as he left the waiting area, leaving the portly pig to keep his faithful watch.

After twenty more minutes of taking in all the same sterile scenes, Lance turned a corner and slammed his knee right into a metal chair.

“Goddammit,” Lance grumbled, nursing his bruised knee. Looking up, Lance saw the distinctive Crocsta Coffee logo, the bold, pure white letters standing in stark contrast to the storefront’s green scale façade.

The regular staff had clearly decided not to bother about cleaning up at the end of their shift and it didn’t seem that the night staff were particularly fussed about turning up to work if the unlit shop interior was anything to go by.

Coffee cups were dotted around like the dead animals on a battlefield, each one having either lost too much fluid or had succumbed to terrible effects of hypothermia. Even their confectionary comrades in arms had suffered similar fates, their plastic wrappings being shredded to bits, with scattered crumbs being the only other indication of their existence.

Manoeuvring his way around the wobbly metal tables and chairs to one of the few clean tables, Lance dumped his bag onto vacant chair beside him, the faux leather suitcase landing with a loud thud.

“The hell’s that thing still together?” Lance thought, giving his weathered and weary suitcase a cursory glance. He’d had it since God knows when. He remembered having it as a young porcupette, the suitcase stashed under his bed for toys to be crammed in when he was told to tidy his room. Then it was used to put music sheets. Songs, albums, and entire discographies had gone in and out of that suitcase as they went from unknown, to learning, to committed to memory and discarded. It had been used for holidays, as an emergency school bag, occasional weapon against bullies, and sturdy seat on packed buses and trains.

And now it contained his life, or at least, the bits he wanted to take. Looking at the case, the years etched on it from its worn handles, frayed straps and peeling stickers, Lance couldn’t help but give a wry smile at how this bit of luggage had managed to stay with him all his life.

“It’s probably older than me,” Lance thought, a soft chuckle tickling his throat. “Certainly been around all my life. Which is more than can be said for some…”

Quickly, Lance aggressively shook his head, as if the very action could avert his mind from wandering down that particular mental avenue.

“No more of that,” Lance quietly berated himself, anger quickly flashing across his face as he tried to reign in his mind. Looking for a distraction, Lance squinted at a departures board in the distance, the word delayed in pale yellow letters just about visible to Lance’s strained eyes.

Reaching into his pocket, Lance fished out his phone. Flipping open the old model, Lance quickly read over the time. Twenty past two. Shutting the phone with a firm click Lance let out a weary sigh, repocketed it without a word.

“Not even worth moaning about now,” Lance mused as he made himself comfortable.

“Maybe I can rest my eyes,” Lance reasoned as his eyes began to droop. “Just for five minutes.”

Closing his eyes closing and letting his mind shut down, Lance was ready to not think for a few minutes. He needed a fresh start. A new beginning. A new story. A better story. A story without-

The sudden chiming of his phone put a halt to all those thoughts as Lance’s eyes shot open angrily.

“The hell?” Lance said angrily, thrusting his paw into his jeans pocket. “I thought I blocked everyone already?”

Flipping the phone open and ringing his phone to his face in one fluid motion, Lance’s thumb was poised to smash the decline button with all his might. However, his eyes had other ideas, catching a glimpse of the caller ID, causing his brain to halt his thumb mere millimetres from cancel button.

Staring at the phone’s screen, Lance’s read and re-read the name. His face swung between fury and joy like a pendulum, before settling on remorse.

“Goddammit,” Lance thought, pressing the phone against his forehead. “I should have told her.”

The phones’ shrill ring kept sounding out, each trill becoming more and more urgent in Lance’s ears.

“I’m going to regret this,” Lance said, his heart winning over his head, as he shifted his thumb across to the green answer button, pressing it gently and raising the phone to his ear.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lance said with forced normalcy.

“Quilt?! That you?!” the voice asked urgently.

“Hey Slyv, and if you mean Lance, then yes this is he.” Came Lance’s slightly irritated reply.

“Quilt where the hell are you?!” Slyv roared down the phone. “I’ve been looking high and low for you! Been round your house, the Two Sticks, Live Nite, the Blue Shoe, Croc Rock, the Viper Underground, everywhere! Hell, I’ve even been to Old Drummond’s place and even he’s worried! And this is from the guy who still hasn’t forgiven you after the whole pineapple incident! I knew you were probably gonna be a no show at the ceremony but I never thought you’d skip on gig! I’ve missed Sarlon Moseby because of you, y’know? The Sarlon Moseby! You’d better have a good reasoning for making me worry sick and make me miss out on seeing him! The tickets cost an arm and leg. Yours if I have my way! I’ve been seriously pulling out my fur and you know how much I love my fur! So I’ll say again, the hell are you Quilt?!”

“Okay, first off,” Lance said calmly after he was sure Slyv had quite finished. “you went round everywhere we go but you didn’t think to ringing me till gone two o’clock in the morning?”

“I’ve been worried!” Slyv barked down the phone. “You know I don’t deal with stress well and you disappearing into thin air has had me very stressed. Besides, your phone is like a million years old-”

“It’s like six years old!” Lance interrupted defensively.

“A million years old!” Slyv reaffirmed. “God knows why you haven’t just upgraded like a normal animal. Doesn’t keep battery, only texts when it wants to, cuts out on calls or just flat out doesn’t receive them! I’m surprised I’ve managed to get you to be honest. I was expecting the usual static or just flatlining boops.”

“Alright you made your point Slyv! I’ll get a new phone, okay!”

“About damn time Quilt.” Slyv commented smugly. “I knew you’d come into the twenty-first century like the rest of us sooner or later.”

“So, as I was saying,” Lance commented loudly. “secondly can you please stop calling me Quilt? We’re not six anymore,” Lance said as he kneaded the bridge of his muzzle with his fingers. “My name is Lance. L-A-N-C-E. You know, medieval knights used them and all that? Thought even you could remember a name.”

“Oh yeah, I remember your name Lance,” Slyv said, Lance feeling the quotation marks she was giving down the line. “But anyway, I still prefer Quilt. It’s way cuter. And you are soft like a quilt and you’re a big softie! Well, you used to be. But stop trying to distract me Quilt! Where are you?! I am freaking out here and you need to give me a hell of a good reason or I’m going to have to pull out your quills and make you into a life size voodoo doll!”

Lance winced at the thought, knowing that was not some sort of hypothetical threat. He still remembered the time when he faked a Hendrix autograph and she believed and told the whole school. The memory of her enraged eyes and grabbing paws yanking out his quills and skewering them back into him like he was some sort of a living shish kebab was seared in his mind in glorious technicolour.

“Alright, alright I’ll tell you Slyv. Just don’t be mad, okay?”

“Why would I be mad?” Slyv asked, her voice becoming worried very quickly. “What’s happening?”.

Lance breathed deeply, readying himself for the onslaught.

“I’m leaving Slyv.”

“Wha-what d’you mean leaving?” came Slyv’s puzzled reply.

“I mean I’m leaving. I’ve packed up and I’m going tonight.”

The phone was silent for a second, the words hanging in the air, as Lance’s mind just began to comprehend the finality of what he just said.

“This is it.” Lance contemplated silently. “I’m actually going. And I’m not coming back. Ever. I mean, I’m actually going. It’s not just a plan anymore, nothing just swirling round my head. I’m actually leaving. God, I can’t believe it. A whole other continent. With no-one I know there. Not even Slyv. Is this okay? No, this is right. I need to do this. I have to go. I can’t stay after-”

“You’re leaving?” Slyv chimed in, taking Lance’s attention away from those nagging thoughts. “You mean, you’re leaving town?”

“I mean, yeah I am but-.”

“Is that all?! God Quilt you were had me worried there! Finally putting the plan into action then? Heading down London way, are you?”

“Erm, not exact-”.

“I thought it was just a pipe dream when you said you wanted to move away. I mean I completely understand why you’d want to. It’s been crap. God knows it has. But most animals who say they’re moving end up just going down the road or something. But you’re actually doing it? You’re actually leaving! I would say congratulations but did you have to do it on results day Quilt? I wanted photos of us together, going mental about our results and getting into our Uni’s after seventeen hours on the phone with UCAS.”

“Slyv.” Lance said, vainly attempting to shoehorn himself into the increasingly one-sided conversation.

“And then the gig! You know I’ve been looking forward to that for ages! And you pull your own great escape now?! Seriously Quilt, sometimes I don’t know what to do with you, you scruffy urchin. I mean you living down in London, eh? God, you’re going to have such a great time down there. They may even like those two quills you keep putting in your shirts for God knows what reason I know it’s meant to be punk or whatever but it seriously doesn’t suit you. You look like a wannabe.”

“Slyv.”

“But hey, since you’re in London I’ll be able to come down and visit. I mean it’s only two hours on the train so I can crash with you right? I’m sure you’ll have space for little old me and my bushy tail. You have got a place set up, haven’t you? Or are you going to be bumming round a few hostels first?”

“Slyv, listen.”

“If you got somewhere to crash yet I’ve got an uncle down there if you like. Well, a sort of uncle. I think he was my neighbour when I was nine or something and he helped my dad move some furniture or something. You know, one of those uncles.”

“Slyv, just stop a se-”

“Anyway, he’s super nice and I’m sure he’d be willing to put you up for a few weeks. And I know what you’re thinking but you wouldn’t be in the way.”

“Just wai-”

“I know London placed are a bit cramped but the guy’s a polar bear. You’d be able to roll on the sofa bed for days before you came within touching distance of the edge. It’ll be perfect for you! God, I’m almost jealous of you! You’re gonna have a gr-”

“SLYVIA!” Lance bellowed down the phone, spittle speckling the receiver.

“Alright, alright, geez. No need to blow out my eardrums Quilt.”

“Sorry Slyv, it’s just you weren’t listening to me. Again.”

“Alright, I’m sorry my prickly porcupine. So, what do you want to tell me then? Must be pretty serious if you’re calling me by my full first name.”

Lance took a deep breath.

“I’m not-”

“You do know only you and my mum do that, right? It’s weird. At least you don’t do the whole full name thing. I know I’m in proper trouble when I hear my mum yell my name like blue bloody murder.”

“Slyv,” Lance groaned in irritation. “You were listening. Remember? Not a few moments ago? D’you mind doing that again for maybe a few fractions of a second more?”

“Sorry Quilt. I’ll shut up now. What did you want to say?”

“Thank you. Anyway-”

“Oh my God, you’re not gonna do one of those emotional goodbyes, are you Quilt?”

“What? No! Just listen for a mi-”

“You know I’ll cry if you do and you do not want me when I’m all weepy.”

“Slyv, for God’s sake just listen-”

“I know it’s only down south but and you’re not that far away but if you make me weep up I’m coming straight down there to wipe my tears on you before dragging your prickly butt back-”

“I’M GOING TO AMERICA SLYVIA!”

The phone suddenly went scarily quiet. Gone was Slyv’s chirpy yet incessant voice, being replaced by sheer nothingness. No comments, no laughter, not even breathing. It was as if Lance’s words had erased her from existence.

“Slyv, you there?” Lance said tentatively, hoping for some semblance of a response.

Nothing.

“Slyv, you alright?”

Still nothing.

“C’mon Slyv, you’re freaking me out now.”

The phone remained deathly silent.

“It’s not that big of a deal Slyv,” Lance began to reason, already knowing he was clutching at straws. “It’s not as if I’m going to the moon or anything. I can still call you and stuff. It’s just I, I need to get out of here. London isn’t far enough. Hell, Europe isn’t far enough. I just need to make a clean break of things, you know?”

Hearing no change down the line, Lance decided to change tact.

“I’ve thought this through. I can get by on the money I have for now until I get my own place and the Uni was very understanding. I sorted it out a few days ago. Sorry Slyv. I know you were looking forward to getting our results together, but I needed mine early so I managed to pull a few strings since, you know, I did quite well and all. And it’s not as if I’ve thrown everything away or anything. I just need time. They said they’ll hold my place as long as I want it so-”

“How long?” came Slyv’s curt, emotionless reply.

“How long what?”

“How long have you had this planned?”

Lance gulped, his throat suddenly feeling like sandpaper.

“A year or a year and a half. Probably, probably just over year and a half now.”

“A year and a half.” Slyv said, letting the comment hang as if it were on the gallows for the public to see and lob rotten tomatoes at.

“A year and a half,” Slyv finally restated. “and you didn’t tell me? Not once? Me. Your best friend. I’ve stuck with you through thick and thin, you know? We’ve done so much together Quilt. Hell, I can barely remember a time before you turned up. And now what? You’re leaving just like that? Without even telling me? Not even a text. You were just gonna up and go and leave me without a word? The hell Quilt! Do I mean nothing to you?!”

The guilt was seeping into Lance’s bones. He knew it would eventually, just perhaps not like this. He knew he should have told Slyv his plan, that she would have understood, or at least not stopped him. But her finding out like this? Hurting her like this? That had never been part of the plan.

“Slyv, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?! Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it! You were just gonna ship out and not say goodbye or anything. Not a word. And go to America? Where the hell you gonna go in America? Do you even know anyone in America?”

“Well, I mean sort of. I’ve never met them but I’ve got some animals who’ll lend me a hand for a little while at least. You know, out of obligation.”

“Oh, I see,” Slyv said, the anger still lingering in her voice. “So that’s it, huh? You’re just dropping everything here like a hot plate then?! Leave everything here behind and just rock up to these animal’s place out of nowhere and-”

“I’m not rocking up out of nowhere.” Lance countered, trying to assuage Slyv’s anger with some reason. “I managed to get in touch with them. Found some old contact info and one worked. They weren’t too happy but I guess they felt somewhat compelled to help me. Even if it’s just for a little while.”

“Yeah but that’s not gonna last forever and you know it! What happens when their hospitality withers up? Who are you gonna turn to then? Do you even know anyone else out there?”

“No, I don’t.” Lance replied, a note of conviction in his voice. “I’ll be a complete unknown. Just another guy out there and not someone to speak in hushed voices about. If I stay here, or anywhere in the UK, something or someone will remind me. I’ll see something, or hear something, or go somewhere and it’ll remind me. Remind me what happened and it’ll be real all over again. And I just, I just can’t deal with that anymore. I just need to get away, at least for now.”

“But how long’s for now?” Slyv asked, a note of panic entering her voice. “A year? Two? Ten? Your whole life? Will I ever see you again?”

“Of course, Slyv. I’m not gonna stop seeing you. Hell, I’ll even get a new phone so I can FaceTime with you or something. You’re probably the only animal that I want to keep in touch with.”

“But not an animal that can make you stay?”

Lance remained silent for a moment, letting her words wash over him. The guilt making itself known anew.

“Should I do this?” Lance thought. “I mean, I can go back now. There’s nothing stopping me. Well my bags are on the plane but I’m sure another delay to get them back won’t be too much of a problem. Hell, even if they go to America and get flown back I can just collect them another time and pay whatever fine I need to. But nothing would change though. I need to get away. To strive out on my own. Don’t I?”

“Quilt,” she pleaded, oblivious to Lance’s internal argument. “you’ll know no-one there. You’ll be all on your own. Is that what you want? I, I know you’re hurting right now, and I know you don’t want to hear this, but d’you think running away is going to change things? You’ve got a life here. You’ve got friends here. You’ve got-”

Lance’s grip on the phone tightened as his whole body tensed up, his second thoughts evaporating in an instant.

“Go on. What have I got?” Lance growled down the phone.

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“That’s right! You shouldn’t have!” Lance said, his voice cracking with raw emotion. “She promised me! She promised me that she wouldn’t! And I believed her. I believed her with all my heart. All my stupid, stupid heart.”

Lance was physically shaking now. If animals had passed him by they would have thought he was on the verge of a fit. But there were none around to see the emotions running rampant throughout his body.

“She couldn’t keep her damn word! She… she couldn’t keep her promise,” Lance said, his voice and body suddenly deflated. “I... I did everything for her. To make her proud. To show her it was all worth it.”

“She was proud Quilt. She was so, so proud.”

“Clearly not proud enough.”

“Don’t you say that Quilt!” Slyv exclaimed, the sobs catching in her throat. “Don’t you ever dare say that!”

There was a brief moment of silence. The die was in Lance’s paw and he knew it. He could clench his paw, keep himself from making that choice. Turn back and return to the life that was his.

"What she did, that wasn’t her. I, I refuse to believe that was her. She wouldn’t have done that unless something went wrong. Really wrong. She wasn’t well Quilt. God knows you knew that better than anyone.”

His grip on his mental die tightened, his mind still a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

“She lied to me Slyv.” Lance replied, his voice betraying the inner turmoil within him. “She… she promised that she would tell me if something was wrong. She’d be on the phone as soon as possible. That she’d get the bus all the way down to see me if necessary. But she didn’t.”

The tears were welling up now, yet then damn refused to break. Lance couldn’t let it, wouldn’t let it. But the words kept flowing on, as his mind tried valiantly to repress his hurt.

“What did I do wrong? Was I not enough? Did she not remember me? Remember the good times? Was I just another nameless animal to her? One of her nightmares? Did, did I matter at all?”

Lance’s mental grip loosened. The die beginning to roll free in his paw, its corners starting to turn against his fur.

“You know the last time I saw her she promised me. She looked me right in the eyes, promised and hugged me so tight it felt like the earth had stopped spinning, even if it was just for the briefest of seconds. She held me and promised to never let go. But she did. She let go and left me here alone.”

“That’s not-”

Booming over Slyv’s reply, a loud announcement resounded through the airport, shaking its residents out of their early morning slumber.

“We apologise for the delay. Flight MK 5876 to Anopolis is ready to board. All passengers please make your way to the departure gate for Flight MK 5876 to Anopolis.”

“-will be there for you.”

Lance thought a moment, the die still in his tenuous grasp. He could ask her to repeat what she said. Get the final emotional appeal from the one animal that could convince him to stay. Have it all laid bare before him so that he would pause for a moment and think, before turning on his heel and facing his world instead of fleeing from its presence. The door remained open, its light shining upon Lance.

“All passengers for Flight MK 5876 to Anopolis, please make your way to the departure gate as the flight is preparing to leave.”

The monotone voice cut through the illusion, the door vanishing from his mind’s eye. Clenching his hand once more, his grip softened, and a small crash reverberated around his mind as the die cast ripples, turning to tsunamis within him.

“Quilt? You still there?” came Slyv’s voice, catching on raw, unfettered emotion.

Lance took a moment, staring down at the where the die had landed, before he responded.

“Yeah, I’m here Slyv. Just, thank you. For everything. You’ve made everything bearable and you’re still my best friend. Hell, you’re practically family. But, this… this is just something I need do. I wish you could come with me, but you’ve got your own glorious life to live. Me on the other hand, I’ve got to do this by myself.

Lance sighed as he picked up his suitcase and started heading out of the Crocsta and towards the gate.

“Have a great life Slyv. See you around.”

“Quilt, wait-”

And with that Lance cut off the call.

Staring down at the phone, Lance made his way over to a bin. Stopping a few steps away from it, Lance gave his phone one last look. He’d had this phone for so long. It was still his first phone. The one she had given him.

His face suddenly becoming determined, he dropped the phone to the ground. It only had chance to bounce once before a heavy-footed stomp slammed it to the floor, the forced impact, crunching its frame into the polished floor, sending tiny shards of plastic and electronics sent skittering away from the epicentre of the carnage.

Picking up the main part of the carcass, Lance tossed it in the bin, his last contact with his old life well and truly gone. Adjusting his grip on his suitcase, Lance made his way back to the gate.

Upon his return, Lance quickly saw that he was clearly the last animal left to board, the two flamingos clearly irritated at having to wait even longer than absolutely necessary.

“Oi!” one called, pointed is feathery finger in his direction. “You getting on this flight or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming now.” Lance said, walking over to them. After a quick once over of his passport and boarding pass, Lance was let through as the flamingos quickly shut up shop at the gate.

Walking along the walkway towards the plane, Lance stopped but a moment. Looking out the plastic windows, across at the airport, Lance was struck by the thought that this was it. The last time he’d see this place. These animals. This world was ending and he was entering a new one. Alone.

“It’s fine,” Lance said determinedly. “I don’t need anyone else. Not anymore. I’ll do this by myself.”

Looking up, Lance breathed in deeply before stepping forward towards his unknown future.

After getting himself comfy in his seat as the plane began to taxi onto the runway, Lance closed his eyes. He felt the rumble, the tilt and then the nothingness below him.

“And so it begins,” Lance thought, his mind drifting as he let sleep take him, with dreams of success and fortune filtering into his brain as he soared into his unwritten future.

[wadupimjared]

i'm stuck with the bruises you left behind

LOCATION: Jared & Ashlynn’s apartment

TIME FRAME: April 25th, some time around 9pm

WORD COUNT: 2256

NOTES: jared and ashlynn fight, and he fucking just gives up.

It wasn't that jared didn't love ashlynn, he did, or at least he used to. and now at least it seemed like everything was wrong with them. She hated how much time he was with the boys, hated when he was on tour, hated whenever he wasn't with her. he couldn't be there twenty four seven for her. Telling her about the party was a mistake and a half.  he should have just said he was going out, full stop. but nooooo he had to say it was landon's birthday and it was at Cam's. that just sent them into a fight and him just giving up not wanting to deal with the fight. He texted cam he wouldn't be able to come and to take a round of shots for him, before he went into his office - trying to advoid Ashlynn for the rest of the night.

ashlynn was pissed. how could he not tell her what was happening? and just throw it on her like that? the fight had been long, mainly one sided, with her doing most of the yelling. but could she care? not at all. she let out a puff of air as he walked out of the room, rolling her eyes as she laid back on the bed. after a couple of minutes, she walked out of their bedroom, taking a couple of steps down the hall to enter his office, "are you gonna go or what?"

Jared's office was more or less just where he had his guitar's stored, it was honestly more of a man cave the anything, with the flat screen tv, and him actually owning one of every game system, and them all working, all nicely stored in a shelving unit. Looking up from playing black ops when she walked in. "And risk me having to bring you home cause Janelle will kick you out the second you step foot into their house, no thanks." his eyes locked on the tv, not even looking over to her.

"the fuck you mean she'll kick me out?" her hip popped out, and her hand moved to rest on it. with her eyebrows raised, she took a couple of steps into the room, her fingers trailing over all of his gaming systems, not thinking twice when a couple of them knocked to the side, "i don't fully get why the fuck they just hate me so much."

Jared let out an annoyed sigh the second she touched his gaming systems, having him pause the game, pulling his headphones fully off looking at her. "Oh i don't know would you like me to list every single girl fight you two have been in since you where fourteen?" He questioned. "Or the fact that you had the nerve to get someone to stuff the ballet box for our senior prom, making it so you won, with zero campaigning if i remember where Janelle campaigned her ass off. You two have never been friends. So I think there is a long list of reasons why they don't like you very much."

ashlynn couldn't hold her scoff in as jared began speaking, "and what the fuck would the problem be with that?" she spoke, her head cocking to one side, flicking her finger off the shelf, holding it up to her face, "it's fuckin' disgusting in here, you really need to at least clean something," she rolled her eyes softly, turning her head to him now, "i wanted it, so i got it. what's the problem with that? she can deal - and she did deal. it's not my fuckin' fault if she's still hung up on it. they? what? they all don't like me? what a bunch of dicks - that's ridiculous."April 26, 2020

Jared just rolled his eyes, not feeling like dealing with this, pressing the center button on his xbox controler to turn everything off, tossing it to the side. "Look none of the boys much care for you, janelle hates you, and your attitude is something that briar doesn't fucking need in her life. So you can fucking stay here and i'm going to hang out with my friends."

ashlynn moved around slightly, making it so her back was leaning against the shelves, her eyes trained on jared, "i don't give a fuck if janelle hates me, and i don't give a fuck about what that annoying little princess needs or not. i'm your girlfriend, you need to be taking me to these fuckin' things. what the hell is the point of us dating if you really just don't care that we are at all!" she shot, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"You fucking should." He crossed his arms. "So you rather go to a fucking party where half of the people don't like you and make everyone unhappy. Thats fucking rich coming from you. Plus im not going to ruin landon's birthday over that." He mumbled. "Maybe you should go stay with your parents for a few days." His voice not wavering from the tone he had been using with her, but it was softer almost like he didn't want to do that but it was getting to some of the last straws.

"why the fuck should i?" she spat, shaking her head disapprovingly, "i'm sure i'm not going to make a single person at that stupid party unhappy at all. why the fuck would that ruin his birthday? god - you're so fucking dramatic!" ashlynn exclaimed, rolling her eyes back. though when he spoke, her face softened slightly, "why?" her words came out softer, her brows furrowing.

Jared let out another annoyed sigh. She wasn't getting it. "Dramatic? Seriously Ash?" He shook his head. "I'm going by myself. When i get home I don't care if you actually went to your parents or you went some place else, but i don't wanna see  you when i get back." He licked his lips letting out a sigh.

as he continued, ashlynn visibly changed, her face was much softer, her shoulders had dropped, "baby," she pleaded, taking a couple of steps towards him, her hands reaching for his arms, "i don't want to leave - please just stay with me? i'll make - i'll make some cookies, and we can put your favorite movie on or something,"

Jared didn't want to give in. he wanted to go to the party, he wanted to have fun with his friends. but she had that way of pulling him back. Letting out a small sigh "okay." he mumbled.

ashlynn grinned as he agreed, "yay!" she leaned up on her toes, pressing a kiss to his lips, "what should we watch? star wars or something? and - we have oatmeal or chocolate chip cookies, which ones?"

A smile crossed his face, but it was kind of forced, kissing her back quickly. "Mm we can watch star wars." he  leaned himself on his door frame "You are the only one in this house that like oatmeal" Jared said with a sigh.

"oatmeal is good!" she defended, squeezing his arm gently, "come on, let's go make some! we can make both - how's that?"

Jared nodded slightly "Sure we can do both. thats fine." he followed her to the kitchen, though his feet where dragging like they were made of lead not wanting him to go.

ashlynn grabbed his hand, nearly dragging him into the small kitchen of their apartment, already beginning to pull the things she needed to make the cookies. the dough was pre-made, so all she really needed was a cooking sheet, "star wars, right?" she reiterated.

Jared leaned on the counter, watching her, but started to text Zach and Cam. He really tried. "Star wars." He said softly, grabbing at one of the raw bits of the chocolate chip cookie dough popping it into his mouth, hoping salmonella  took him out

"who're you texting?" she asked, turning her head as she pulled off chunks of the cookie dough, slapping them onto the baking sheet.

Jared wanted to lie, but it didn't come out, "Just Z & C...telling them i can't make it." he mumbled, before grabbing some more of the raw cookie dough.

"mm," she hummed softly, "bet they're pissed, eh? mad that i ruin everything," her tone was sarcastic, her eyes rolling yet again, "stop eating the cookie dough, would you? i'm trying to make cookies here."

Jared sighed "Upset yeah." He mumbled, trying to easily slip the next thing in. "Cam did remind me we have a band thing in LA. this week." He stayed glued to picking at the cookie dough, clearly not planning on stopping anytime soon.

ashlynn let out a puff of air, shaking her head as he said they were upset. she really couldnt care less if they approved of her or not, “in la?” she asked, putting the last of the cookie dough down on the pan, “so you’re going to leave now and then leave for tour too? thats - whatever.” she mumbled, slamming the tray into the oven.

Jared looked up. "Ashlynn you knew what you were signing up for dating someone in a band" He reminded her, hoping she'd just finally snap and do the break up but it always seemed harder then he thought. "Its only gonna be a few days.."

"we were dating before you were in a band, jared." she shot, slamming the door to the oven closed, "yeah - it's gonna be a few days now, and then you're gone for the whole fuckin' summer, and you won't even let me come with you. but all the other girlfriends can."

"Well, tencally speaking. we where a band then too.." He flinched when she slammed the oven door.  "Do you get the buses aren't that big and everyone would hear this" He motioned to the yelling and the fighting "Do you really want this fucking aired out?"

"it wasn't anything like this though," she mumbled, turning around so she could face him, "so fucking what? it's not fuckin' fair that the two of them get to go - and i have to stay here!" ashlynn whined, crossing her arms over her chest, "it's not like it already isn't! you tell the two of them fucking everything!"

“Do you really want me to tell the boys that it is t fair and they have to tell both them “sorry you gotta stay home cause ashlynn doesn’t find it fair” he arms went up into the air sighing “they are basically my brothers so yes I do”

it just isn’t fucking fair that they both get to come and i don’t,” her arms tightened around her own torso, letting out an annoyed sigh, “like - why the fuck am i the only one who doesn’t get to come?” she shot, her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked at him.

You know exactly why but you clearly don’t get the reason why!” His voices finally raised a little “plus I don’t need all this fighting on tour!”

“what the fuck is the reason why, then? just fucking tell me!” she yelled, her voice raising just a bit higher than his own, “what the fuck are we fucking doing then, jared! if i just have to stay here and watch you leave every other fucking month!”

Jared shook his head “you fucking tell me what you’re doing then! If you are just as unhappy as I am just leave!” His words didn’t mean to be harsh - they rarely were.

ashlynn flung her arms to her sides, her hands hitting her hips, "what the fuck do you mean?" she shot, throwing one of her hands up now, "unhappy? fuck you jared - whatever. why don't you leave if you're so fucking unhappy."

Jared just shook his head "yeah im gonna leave my apartment." He laughed shaking his head. "This is why i told you to go to your fucking parents house, so shit like this wouldn't have fucking happened" he threw his hands up in the air.

"our apartment." she spat, pursing her lips together, "why the fuck do you despise me so fuckin' much? it's not my fault you're always off and on and off and on! leaving every other fuckin' day just to be with them, i don't fucking get it."

"It was my apartment before i said you could move in" He ran his hand through his hair shaking his head "I'm fucking working 90% of the time when i'm with them. You can't really think we're just fucking around Ash." He sighed "I'm going out and i really don't want you here when I get back." He was done. so fucking done. He grabbed his wallet and keys going to the door.

"what the hell is your point? i pay rent, do i not? this is our apartment." she reminded, her tone filled with nothing but anger, "you cannot tell me you idiots don't spend most of the fucking time just fucking around, not getting shit done. - it shows, jared, it really does." ashlynn yelled, her hands flailing up in the air, "if you walk out that fucking door right now, we're over! you're done!"

Jared had stopped in his tracks hearing her words, there was so much anger in them, and he honestly was tired of it. "Like i said, I don't want you here when I get back." His tone was low as he opened the door stepping out of it, slamming it behind him.

[gillian-ybabez]

Cousin Came to Visit

My handheld began softly beeping. I tapped it twice to silence and cancel the alarm. I slid off my bed and began rooting around in the “not too dirty” pile of clothes on the floor. I picked up and sniffed a sports bra. Oh god, that stinks! I tossed it into the actually dirty pile of clothes. I gave up looking on the floor and just pulled out a clean sports bra and underwear from my dresser. The sports bra fit extra snug, flatting out my chest nicely. Not as flat as a binder but I didn’t have one of those. Yet. A loose t-shirt and a pair of track shorts covered enough skin to make me decent. I unlocked my bedroom door, slid it open, and walked into the kitchen. Mom was already in there drinking coffee at the table. I grabbed the small sauce pan off the wall, half filled it with water, cranked the handle into the red, and set it on the stove top. From inside the refrigerator, I plucked two eggs from their carton. I dropped the eggs into the just boiling water and glanced at the wall clock.

“Your cousin Hannah is arriving today,” Mom said.

“I know. You’ve only been reminding me for the last week,” I said.

“Lucy–”

“Luke,” I said to remind her.

“Right, Luke. It would be nice if you came with us when we picked her up.”

“Ok, do I have time to eat?” I glanced at the clock again. Wait, was the minute hand right on the four or a little before it the last time I looked.

“She doesn’t arrive for a couple of hours.” For a few minutes, neither of say anything. “Maybe you could take her flying later,” she said.

“I can’t just take the tug out for joy rides.” I grabbed two slices of bread and set them in the toaster.

“Why not?”

I counted off the reasons on my fingers, “One: it’s technically company property until I finish paying it off. Two: fuel costs money. Three: it has heavy weapons that I don’t want her accidentally firing.”

“I can give you money for fuel.”

“You have a few thousand laying around for a half hour joy ride?” The toast dinged and I set them on a plate to be sliced.

“No. It costs that much to fly?” she asked surprised.

“Yeah. Most contracts have fuel allowances so I only have to cover part of the fueling costs but it’s still expensive.”

“I didn’t know. Your eggs are done.”

I quickly turned back to my eggs and cranked the pot handle back to the blue. The rolling boil stopped. After a few seconds, I reached into the warm water to pull out my eggs and set them in egg cups. I carried the eggs and toast to the table, grabbed a spoon, and cracked the top off my first egg. It was fully hard boiled. I sighed.

***

The land here is dry, arid, dusty, sandy, barren, did I mention dry. Nothing but scrub brush can grow out here but that means land is cheap. One of the reasons my parents and I moved here. The other being the job opportunities in the City. The City is everything the surrounding land is not. Tall, clean, cool buildings, green parks, water fountains. It’s a man-made oasis in the desert. My parents have jobs in the city but we live outside it. I said land out here is cheap. In the city, everything costs more. Even with their fancy city jobs, we can’t afford to live there.

The bus station was just a small ticket booth next to a series of canopies. Several buses waited for passengers to get on or off. A crowd of people waited nearby for their bus to arrive. It’s hot but not any hotter than usual. Dad was wearing a casual tunic over light pants and sun hat. Mom had slipped on a cream colored maxi dress and wrapped a blue scarf around her head. I stood apart from them with my flight jacket over t-shirt and track shorts, aviator sunglasses, and work boots. I wiped the sweat from my forehead back into my short hair.

To most people, the jacket looked like a bad idea on a day like today but it kept me cooler than not. It’s designed for the variable temperatures a pilot might encounter. Flat gel packs with nanotube filaments regulate the temperature of the inner layer of smart foam. Basically, if I’m too hot it pulls heat away from me and if I’m too cold it warms up. That the chest and back parts end up looking like body armor is just a bonus. The arms even have transparent pockets on the inner arms for handhelds. I have pants with the same tech for when I accept contracts that take me to the upper atmosphere or higher but they don’t look as cool.

Hannah’s bus arrived a few minutes ago and we were waiting for her to make it out of the crowd to us. She pushed through carrying a bag and pulling a second smaller suitcase on wheels. Mom waved and she waved back

“Oh, look at you. You’re so tall,” Mom said while hugging her. It’s been a few years since we’ve seen the rest of the family outside of pictures or videos.

“Hey cuz,” I said and slapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey,” she said looking me over. I haven’t put a picture up online since before I shaved my head. It’s grown out a little but it’s a radical change from how I looked before.

We piled into Dad’s ten-year-old sedan and head home. Mom spent the trip home grilling my cousin. How is her mom doing? Did her sister get into college? Has her other aunt found a job yet? A hundred questions that could be answered by email but asking a person just feels more right. Even I asked a few questions about our other cousin.

***

After we got Hannah settled into my room, Mom suggested I show her the tug. The tug is my ship. It’s just a cargo hauler that I’m leasing-to-own from the shipping company. For a cargo hauler, it’s nothing special, just a two person cockpit attached to a cargo frame with thrusters stuck on the sides and rear. The underside of the cockpit is a patch of unpainted armor because I had to have a rotted out section replaced and I haven’t bothered to repaint it. I kind of like the junkyard look it gives my ship.

The cockpit seats two, pilot in front and gunner behind and above, but I can and usually do fly solo. The turret on top of the cockpit has full range of motion and is controlled from the gunner seat but I have a cheap auto-targeting computer wired into it. It’s pretty good at lining up shots on things in the sky but it can’t really tell friend from foe so it just shoots everything. In the front, under the cockpit are a couple of cannons I can control and fire from the pilot seat. They have limited range of motion but at least I can see what I’m shooting at.

The tug stays in an empty field a few hundred yards from the housing rows. Another guy keeps his ship out here too but we rarely talk. He’s twenty years older than me and a company lifer. The company has been great for getting my license and training but I hope to do more after I’ve paid off the ship.

On my handheld, I entered the access code for the cockpit and it popped open. I reached up and grabbed the lowest rung of the ladder built into the side of the cockpit. The landing gear is supposed to retract to a mid-level when the cargo frame is empty but the controller circuit with multiple settings cost more than the one with just two. I pulled myself jerkily up the rungs until I could stand on the lowest rung and take a short breather.

Hannah started a slow clap. “That was … That was almost not pathetic. I’ve seen three-year-olds climb faster than that.”

“Shut up,” I yelled down but I was laughing between deep breaths.

“Why don’t you have a ladder or stairs or something?”

“I had a pool ladder but someone stole it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but no one around here has a pool so I don’t know why they wanted it.” I climbed the rest of the way to cockpit edge. “Ok, your turn.”

“What?” she asked.

“You want to see my ship you have to climb up on your own.”

“Come on. You don’t have a rope you can throw me?”

“Nope.”

She looked up at the ladder and stretched out her arms. The lowest rung was just out of her reach. “I can’t reach.”

“Jump. It’s right there.” She reached back up, jumped, and grabbed it. “There you go now just climb up.” I watched her struggle up rung by rung until she could stand on the lowest rung for a breather. “Not so easy is it?” I asked.

“Shut up,” she said between breaths. After a couple of minutes, she climbed the rest of the way up. I showed her where to step to reach the gunner seat without stepping on the console. I showed her the basic controls and let her swing the turret around but kept the guns offline.

My handheld buzzed. I flipped my arm over and tapped on the screen to discover what set off the notification. I have to take a certain number of contracts in a month in order to maintain my lease agreement but this week I had planned on staying mostly grounded while Hannah was staying with us. Only a high pay and short distance contract should have made it through the filter. Huh, moderate pay and short distance. I should send my cousin home but it’s a short ride and no threat level.

“Hey, you want to take a short trip?” I called back to her.

“To where?”

“There’s a contract I’m to take. You want to come with.”

“Can I?” she asked

“Sure, it’s an easy run. Might be boring though.”

She thought about it and said, “Sure.”

“Ok, strap in and don’t touch anything.” I tapped on my handheld to accept the contract and sent the location data to my ship’s computer. A flight plan appeared on the main monitor. I tweaked the path to keep us clear of the western border and transmitted it to Flight Control. I flicked a few switches to ready the engines. They rumbled to life behind me.

A minute later, a voice spoke through my headset, “Tug-1407 you are cleared for take off.”

“Tug-1407 cleared for take off. Thank you, Control,” I replied. I grabbed the controls and took the ship straight up to cruising altitude before turning and heading for the pick-up site.

I heard a muffled “Fuck!” from behind me. I didn’t need to slam us down in our chairs but the rest of the trip is going to be pretty bland. It only took a few minutes to reach the warehouse outside of the city where the cargo was waiting. I connected with the ground crew and got a landing pad assignment.

“Now what?” Hannah asked as I set down and shut off the engines.

“Now, we wait for the ground crew to load the cargo. Could be five minutes could be two hours.”

“So, this is what it’s like to be a pilot?”

“No, this is what it’s like to be a cargo pilot. Once I get my full certifications and pay off the company I can start applying for real pilot jobs.”

“Like what?”

“Like with the space agency. They always need pilots on the moon.”

“Have you been to space yet?”

“A couple of times, the tug can make low earth orbit but it burns a lot of fuel. The view is … the pictures they show us aren’t enough. It’s so much bigger than the pictures make it look.”

My comms beeped. “Tug-1407 we are ready to load your cargo container.”

“I copy. Go right ahead.” In the rear cameras, I watched as the rectangular container is slid underneath the cargo frame. I felt a slight jolt as it reached the back of the cockpit. The cargo hooks lowered and grabbed the container and green lights came on letting me know they had a solid lock. “Cargo hooks engaged,” I told the ground crew. The truck unhooked from the container and drove away. I restarted the engines and took off, slower this time so the ground crew wouldn’t complain about me. Once I got to altitude, I headed for the first nav marker of my flight plan. I could have engaged the autopilot but I like flying the tug myself and I needed the hours of unassisted flight.

“So, how are you doing in school,” I asked once I was level and flying more or less in a straight line.

“Fine. B’s and C’s,” she said.

“Just B’s and C’s?”

“I’m passing, ok?” Hannah snapped at me.

“Sorry, I was just teasing.” For a couple of minutes, I flew in silence. “Parents giving you a hard time about your grades?” I asked gently.

She didn’t answer right away. “They don’t know how hard it is. School, work, everything.”

“You got a job?”

“Yeah. In the mall, at the ice cream shop.”

“No kidding,” I tried to sound encouraging, “That’s great and you’re passing all your classes. Sounds like you’re doing ok.”

“Not as good as you. How much money do you make doing this?”

“Enough to make my lease payments, pay for fuel and repairs, and a little left over to help around the house. Cargo pilots don’t make a lot of money unless they own their own ship which I don’t. Yet.”

“You dating anyone?” she asked.

“What?”

“Are. You. Dating. Anyone?” she asked again enunciating each word slowly.

“No.” I paused thinking about how that question had become more complex over the last few months. “Not since high school. I’ve been busy learning how to fly. What about you?”

“No.” We lapsed into silence for several minutes. We reached the first nav marker and I adjusted course toward the second. She broke the silence, “How long is this trip?”

“About four hours round trip.”

“Oh.”

“How about some music?” I flipped my arm over, patched my handheld into the ship’s headsets and queued up something with a good beat to help us pass the time.

***

Author note: So that’s it. The whole story. Nothing much happened but I really liked writing this story. It’s longer than most single part stories I write and I thought about cutting it in two but felt it was better as just one story.

This I think my first time explicitly writing a trans guy. I hope I did ok on that front.

This started as a dream that I slowly reshaped into what you just read. I can’t remember what my dream was anymore, this story ended up taking it’s place in my memory.

"Cousin Came to Visit" was also posted on my website, Gillian's Notebook, home of my writing. Help support my writing by becoming a patron. Reblogs help to spread my writing to new readers.

[f0blove]

Perfect (Patrick Stump)

Based Off a Request for a TOP & FOB imagine ( requested by the amazing @imke-vd who might hate me bc I told her I was working on this like a month ago.... sorry! Hope you like it!<3)

A/N: I’m pretty proud of this one ( it’s my longest one ever and features two of my favorite bands ) so I hope you like it!

Subject: Patrick Stump, featuring twenty one pilots and Fall Out Boy

YOUR POV

You shift your eyes from left to right. Are you in the right place? You shake your head and walk down the hallway to the left. Obviously you're in the right place, there’s twenty one pilots posters covering the venue, and the security guard handed you a backstage pass and checked your name off of a list, but you still felt lost. Why is it so hard to find the stage? You rub your arms and look down the next hallways, debating which direction to go.

“Need help?” You jump at the voice that comes from behind you.

“Yeah,” you say gratefully, smiling at the security guard, “I’m trying to find the main stage?”

“Down that hallway and to the left” the security guard gestures, “You’re almost there”

You grin and thank him, hurrying in the direction he pointed. When you emerge from the hallway, you're right behind the stage and you spot a group of guys standing in a circle in the center of the stage. You grin as you spot who you’ve been searching for this whole time, and you can’t help but break into a run.

PATRICK’S POV

“TY-JO!” The yell rips through the stage and Patrick jumps as it startles him, turning just in time to see a blur of dark hair running towards Tyler. For a moment he panics, wondering if this girl was a crazed fan or something, but then Tyler turns, grins and holds his arms out. In another second, the girl collides with Tyler and hugs him fiercely, laughing as she tucks her face into his neck and then he’s spinning her in a circle. It’s like a scene from a movie, but Patrick’s confused. Who’s this girl? Is he supposed to know her? Does Tyler have a girlfriend? As he looks around the group no one else seems confused at what’s happening. The girl finally steps out of Tyler’s arms, only to immediately hug Josh.

“Josh, I missed you” she groans as he hugs her tightly.

“I missed you too kid” he grins at her.

She grins cheekily and Patrick is mesmerized by her smile - it lights up the whole stage. She hugs Pete too, and suddenly Patrick wonders if he’s the only one who doesn't know this girl. But then she introduces herself to Joe and Andy. Then finally, she turns towards him, smile brightening as they make eye contact, and Patrick is almost speechless. This girl is one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen, and he’s so distracted by her piercing eyes he almost misses her words.

“Hey,” she says happily extending a hand to him, “I’m (Y/N)”

“Patrick” he responds, shaking her hand.

“I know” she says , then blushing, “I mean , um, I’m a fan so I know, we haven't actually met yet” she rushes to explain herself.

YOUR POV

You blush furiously as you rant, tripping over your words. It figures, you’ve been wanting to meet Patrick for a long time, and the minute you do you act like a crazed teenager fawning over him.

“It’s okay, I’m glad to hear you’re a fan. And it’s nice to meet you” He smiles back, and you let out a breath. You try to find something else to say, anything that will keep those gorgeous eyes of his looking into yours, but Tyler tugs on your arms.

“What took you so long? I thought you’d be here hours ago. You missed sound check!”

“I'm sorry, traffic was awful and it took ages to get out of the house” You explain, “but I'm here now!”

“Thank god, I thought you were gonna miss the whole show” Josh groans, nudging you in the shoulder.

“Nah I’d never miss the chance to see my boys play” you grin, hugging Josh’s side. “Plus I’d never turn down a Fall Out Boy concert either”

Pete throws a grin, high fiving you.

“Can I put my stuff in the bus now?” you ask , looking between Tyler and Josh.

“The bus?” Patrick asks from behind me.

“She’s joining us for the rest of the tour” Pete says, looking at Patrick confused.

“That’s alright, right?” Tyler asks.

Patrick looks back at him, equally confused, “Of course, Sorry, I mean that’s great, I just didn't know” he turns to you, “Seriously, that’s great, I’m glad you're coming it'll be a lot of fun.”

You actively try to stop from smiling as he smiles at you, nodding back at him.

“So…” you say, breaking up the silence that followed, “Buses?”

The guys all murmur agreements and Tyler and Josh start leading everyone to the bus. Both of them trying to talk to you at the same time. You link arms with Tyler, just happy to be back with your best friend again.

PATRICKS POV Patrick’s heart fell a little as he watched her link arms with Tyler, head leaning on his shoulder as they walked.

There was still time before they had to get ready for the show, so they all broke paths to go to their separate tour buses, and Patrick felt oddly disappointed when (Y/N), Tyler, and Josh disappeared into their tour bus, but he couldn't figure out why.

Four hours later, Patrick walks off the stage, applause and screaming from the crowd ringing in his ears, grinning widely.

“Good job man” Joe says, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Yeah you too” Patrick responds, high fiving Pete and Andy too.

Tyler and Josh appear from back stage. “Ready for the encore?” Tyler asks.

They all nod, and rush back on the stage, to give one long, dramatic encore, singing Saturday and Trees. The crowd explodes at the end, louder than they had been all night. The guys exit the stage for good this time, and (Y/N) is waiting in the wings, clapping for them.

“You guys were amazing!” she cheers, hugging Tyler and Josh first, “Ew okay, also really sweaty” she commented with a laugh.

“And you guys, oh my gosh, I swear you get better and better everytime I see you” she gushes, turning towards the guys of Fall Out Boy. Patrick’s heart flips in his chest as she hugs him tightly.

“You’ve seen us before?” Patrick asks, pulling away.

“Oh yeah” (Y/N) says, “I’ve been a fan for ages I’ve actually seen you guys like four times” she blushes, looking away.

“That’s awesome” Patrick says grinning, and you lock eyes.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am starving” Joe interjects, “Anyone up for food?” “Can we do pizza?” Pete asks.

“No how about taco bell” Tyler chimes in.

“Ty, we are not going to Taco Bell, ever” (Y/N) groans, putting a hand on her hip.

“I agree” Patrick throws in.

Tyler looks at them, offended, “Wow I really feel like I’m getting ganged up on here but whatever”

(Y/N) laughs leaning forward and putting an arm on his shoulder. “There’s an old fashioned diner just a few blocks from here. They have pizza and mexican food and a little bit of everything else. How does that sound?”

Everyone agrees, deciding to head back to the buses to shower and get ready first.

An hour later, the large group of you walk down the street, having decided on just walking to the diner since it's so close

It’s cold and a little windy outside, so everyone’s hunched against the cold. Patrick walks behind Tyler and (Y/N). He watches with annoyance as (Y/N) moves against his side, and Tyler throws an arm around her, rubbing her shoulder to warm her up. Patrick can’t explain it but he feels insanely jealous. He’s known this girl for less than twelve hours and yet for some reason he can't stop the flare of jealousy that piques in his chest every time Tyler and (Y/N) do something cute. He can't help but feel like it should be him, but that's crazy… right?

“Dude, are you okay?” Pete asks.

“What? Yeah I'm fine why?” Patrick responds, taking his eyes away from the back of (Y/N)’s head.

“I dunno you just look… kinda pissed I guess.”

“Nah i'm good, just hungry” Patrick says, avoiding Pete’s eyes.

“Alright if you say so. But good news, I think we’re here” The people in front of them stop, opening the door and piling into the cozy little diner. The seven of them cram into a booth, everyone jostling and being a little bit too loud, scrambling for menus and talking about the show. Patrick catches eyes with (Y/N) who sits across the table. She makes a gesture that says “Wow can you believe these guys?” and Patrick laughs in response, shrugging. As she smiles back, that flare in Patrick’s chest gets a little warmer, and little kinder, and maybe a little more hopeful.

After an hour of eating and talking, the group heads back to the buses, Patrick and Pete to one, Andy and Joe to a second, And Josh, Tyler, and (Y/N) to the third. Patrick stands outside the door to their bus, waving to everyone as they disappear.

Pete grins as he spots Patrick’s eyes trained on (Y/N) as she climbs into the bus.

“She’s cute, isnt she” Pete says, moving around him to climb up the bus.

“Beautiful” Patrick corrects, before blushing and clearing his throat and following ete inside. “I mean, uh, Tyler’s a lucky guy”

Pete looks at him in confusion, before letting out a chuckle “Nah man you got it all wrong, They're not together”

“They're not?” Patrick repeats, heart flipping in his chest.

“Nope. They’re just friends. Been friends since they were babies, I think. Nope, as far as I know she’s single”

“Interesting” Patrick says, pretending to act somewhat uninterested.

“You should go for it, Trick” Pete comments.

“What? No I…”

“You’ve been staring at her all night. And she’s been staring right back”

“No she hasn't” Patrick denies, rolling his eyes.

“Dude,” Pete says, putting hands on Patrick's shoulders and squeezing, “She’s beautiful and smart and funny, I think you two could be cute together. Go for it”

“I'll think about it” Patrick says, and Pete grins, walking away to go to bed.

Late that night Patrick drifts off to sleep, hoping that Pete was right.

THREE WEEKS LATER  - YOUR POV

“That was awesome!” You cheer as the guys come running off the stage.

“Yeah but you always say that” Tyler says with a smile, rolling his eyes.

“Well you guys are always awesome” you tease, poking him in the shoulder.

“I just can’t wait to shower” Josh complains, running a towel across his forehead.

“Oh friend we’re all excited for that” Joe says.

Josh makes a fake hurt face and flips him off. The group moves away from the stage, splitting up to shower and agreeing to meet back in Tyler and Josh’s bus. Being the only one not showering, you pull out your laptop and settle in on the couch, waiting for everyone to be done.

The first one to come into the bus is Patrick, and you can’t help but smile when you realize it’s him.

“You clean up nicely” you say with a smile.

He blushes slightly, letting out a laugh “ Thanks”

“Come sit, no one else is ready yet” you pat the couch next to you.

He nods and come to sit next to you, and you smile at him when his knee brushes his.

“What do you think everyone wants to do tonight?” Patrick asks you

“Probably go out to a bar or something” You say with a little distaste.

“What a shocker” Patrick says with faux surprise. You giggle at his response, looking over when Tyler emerges from the back of the bus, freshly showered.

“Josh is almost ready, doing his hair I think” He comments, dropping on the floor and resting his back against your knees.

“That boy and his hair” you comment with a laugh, “but no one besides Patrick is even here yet so it’s fine”

As soon as the words leave your lips, the door opens and Andy, Joe, and Pete come in.

“I guess I spoke too soon” you add.

Josh comes out of the back as well, grinning at the sight of everyone.

“Alright, who's ready to do this?” Pete exclaims.

“Do what exactly?” Patrick asks him.

“We’re going to that club downtown” Joe adds.

“Do we have to?” You and Patrick say at the same time. You look at each other in surprise, laughing when everyone else groans.

“Since when did you become such a drag” Tyler complains, rising from the floor.

“I am not a drag, I just don’t always want to go out” You say defensively,

“No the two of you are boring” Josh says, gesturing between you and Patrick. “You never want to come out!”

“That’s definitely not true” Patrick looks to you, “We were just out like two nights ago”

“Exactly” you confirm.

“You really don’t want to come?” Tyler asks doubtfully.

“I really don't” you say, a little guiltily.

“Patrick? You sure you don’t want to join?” Joe asks Patrick seriously.

“Nah I'm good” he replies, “Plus, someone’s gotta keep the lady company” he adds with a grin at you.

“I feel bad just leaving you guys here” Tyler says, frowning and looking at you

“Seriously, you guys go” you say, rising from the couch and nudging Tyler and Josh towards the door. “I’ll be fine, Patrick will be fine, and we’ll go out next time, I promise”

With one more doubtful look, the guys hug you and leave.

“I thought they'd never leave” You joke, turning back to Patrick.

He laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t know how they go out every night and aren’t always exhausted”

“It’s a mystery” you say, sitting on the couch again and facing him, “At least it’s just the two of us now”

Patrick looks at you in surprise, “Uh, I mean as opposed to me being alone. I'm glad you stayed” you expand, blushing a little.

“Me too” Patrick says with a small smile, “What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know” you say thoughtfully, “Just hang out?”

“Works for me, there's actually some stuff I wanted to get done anyway” Patrick says.

“Cool you go ahead and do that and then maybe we can watch a movie or something”

He nods and leaves to get his laptop, returning in a few minutes. You run in the back, grabbing your little speaker and your laptop, before returning to the front.

You sit on the floor, turning your phone. “What do you wanna listen to?” you ask.

“Whatever you want, I’m open to anything”

“I'll just hit shuffle” you decide. You do, and the first song that pours through the speakers is one from Soul Punk. “Well this is awkward” you say with a laugh, switching to the next song.

“You have Soul Punk on your phone?” Patrick asks in surprise.

“Of course,” you reply, “I told you I was a fan”

“I know I just figured you meant of Fall Out Boy” “I am a fan of Fall Out Boy, but also of you. A huge fan in fact. I actually saw one of your solo shows” you confess in a rush.

“No way” Patrick says setting his laptop aside. “I can’t believe that” he laughs.

“I did, and it was fantastic. You have a lot of talent Patrick”

Patrick blushes, “Thanks” he says to you, looking back

You chew on your lip, trying to decide if you should say what you really want to or not.

“Patrick? Can I just say something?” you asks, looking up at him a little embarrassed.

“Yeah, what is it?” he asks, looking down at you in concern.

“I just…” you trail off, unsure of how to tell him, “I just think you're really brave”

His eyebrows draw together in confusion, “Brave? Why?”

You pull your knees to your chest, looking up at him. “I watched an interview once where the interviewer asked you and Pete about Folie a Deux”

“Yeah…” Patrick asks, still looking confused.

“And you told this story about how you guys toured for the album, and one night when you announced you were gonna play some of the newer songs, the entire crowd just flipped you off” Patrick grimaces. “And you said that’s all you can ever think about when you think of that album”

“Yeah, that is true” Patrick's says, a little bitterly, but confusion still lingers in his eyes.

“And then during hiatus I read the article you wrote” you continue explaining, “About how fans would tell you they like you better when you were fat, or would come to your solo shows and tell you sucked without Fall Out Boy or that you should have never gone solo”

“(Y/N) why are you bringing all of this up?” he asks, and you see pain tracing his eyes.

“I just wanted to tell you that I think it’s really empowering and brave that you’re still out here playing music after all of that awful stuff you went through. I think you’re kind of amazing Patrick” You finish your little speech, looking away as a blush colors your cheeks.

“Wow” Patrick says in aw e, “You really think that?”

“Always have” you say nodding, “Sorry I didn't mean to make it awkward I just wanted you to know”

“No, um, thank you for telling me” he says, smiling down at you, “That means a lot and it actually makes me feel a little better. But music’s my passion and my life, I couldn't give it up if I tried”

“I know” you says smiling up at him, “And that’s pretty amazing too”

You grin up at him, turning back around and resting your back against the couch, opening your laptop. For a while the two of you just sit there in comfortable silence, working on various things. After about an hour though, your legs are growing numb from sitting on them and you’ve run out of stuff to do. You turn to see what Patrick’s up to, only to find him entirely absorbed in whatever he’s doing. His headphones are on, but only one ear is covered. You smile, thinking that he left one ear covered just in case you said something to him.

“What are you looking at?” Patrick says suddenly.

“Nothing” you shrug with a smile, “Just you”

Patrick blushes slightly, looking away from you.

“I’m bored” you declare, poking him in the knee.

“Sounds like your problem” Patrick responds playfully.

“Nooo come on Patrick” you say, standing up, “Come dance with me”

“Dance?”

“Yeah you know…” you say, spinning in a circle, “Dance”

Ha laughs at you and you grin back, reaching down to your phone to skip through until a fast paced song comes on, and you turn it up. You pull Patrick (reluctantly) to his feet, and start dancing. He just looks at you for a while, laughing at your goofy dance moves, but then he laughs and joins in. Just like that, the two of you are having your own private dance party.

You’re dying of laughter watching Patrick attempt the wave when the song fades out, and the song “Perfect” By Ed Sheeran comes on, considerably slower and more romantic than the song you had picked before.

“Now this is more my style” Patrick says with a smile. “Know how to waltz?”

“No” you say, raising your eyebrows. “Do you?”

“Of course, every proper gentleman does.” He bows deeply, smiling up at you with shining eyes. “May I have this dance?”

You giggle and accept his hand, “But I don't know how” “I'll teach you” Patrick says simply, lightly placing an arm on your waist. “ Step on my toes”

You balk at the sentence, “I’ll crush your feet”

“Oh please, I can handle it I promise” he says, raising his eyebrows.

You sigh, smiling him “Well if you insist”

By the time the two of you are dancing in a relatively smooth manner, the second verse is coming to an end, and Patrick starts softly singing.

“ Darling, just hold my hand, Be my girl, I'll be your man, I see my future in your eyes” you pull back from him a little bit, looking at him in shock at the emotion filtering his voice. He smiles at you, pulls you a little closer to him, and continues singing the next chorus.

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful. I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight” He stares into your eyes with the last line, and your heart beats so fast you’re worried he can hear it. You lean your head against his shoulder, drinking in this new closeness you hadn't felt with anyone in a long time.  After the instrumental, he sings the very last chorus, and you pull back to watch him as he sings to you. “ Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms, Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person, And she looks perfect.I don't deserve this, You look perfect tonight”

The words fade out as you stare into each other's eyes, still wrapped up in the moment even though the song has switched to something else. He lifts his hand, gently caressing your cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His eyes flit down to your lips for barely a second, and then the two of you are leaning towards each other, slowly, still wrapped in each other's arms. You feel like your chest is about to explode from how fast your heart is beating and then - BAM! The door to the bus is ripped open so hard it bangs against the outside of it, and you and Patrick jump apart as though you had been shocked. Tyler, Josh, Joe, Pete and Andy file in, Tyler and Josh alone being loud enough that you can tell they’ve maybe had a little too much fun.

“(Y/N)! Babe! We missed you!” Josh belts out.

“Well if it isnt my best friend!” Tyler announces, coming up to you and throwing an arm around your shoulder. You giggle at their antics, throwing a nervous look at Patrick. He glances back, meets your eyes and shrug, grinning at you. Your heart soars.

“So you guys had fun?” you ask the group, all but shoving Tyler towards the couch, where he happily plops down.

“So much fun” Josh declares.

“But you should've been there. We don’t hang out enough” Tyler says, getting serious. Your heart squeezes at his words.

“I know Ty, I’m sorry” you say, squeezing his hand. “I'll go out next time” “You too Patty!” Pete announces suddenly.

“Yeah, definitely” Patrick says.

“I feel kind of sick” Joe says, suddenly looking very ill.

“We should get him back to his bus” Andy says with a sigh, looking weary and bored, as though he was used to this.

Joe, Andy, and Pete move towards the door.

“Wait, Trick are you coming?” Pete asks from the door.

“Yeah, yeah, in just a second.” he calls back, looking back to you.

You look at him with a smile. “You should go with them,” you says, crossing over to him and quietly squeezing his hand, talking quietly so Josh and Tyler can’t hear you. “I have to take care of those guys anyway. But i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” you smiles up at him.

He smiles back and squeezes your hand in return, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Goodnight (Y/N)”

“Goodnight Patrick” you say, watching him collect his stuff and moves towards the door, watching until he leaves the bus and disappears into the night.

*THREE DAYS LATER*

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)” the shout jars you from your sleep and you jump awake to see Tyler and Josh staring down at you.

“Five more minutes” you groan, rolling over towards the wall.

“Nope, sorry birthday girl” Tyler reaches in your bunk, grabbing you and pulling you out. You screech as Josh grabs you from him, swinging you over his shoulder.

“Josh, put me down!” you say, gripping his back so you don't fall down.

“Josh dont put her down” Tyler instructs, “Today’s your birthday and we have a full agenda, so there's no time to waste on sleep”

Josh plops you down at the little table, and Tyler slides a bowl of cereal in front of you. “Just so you know, I was going to make you pancakes but I do not have access to either pancake batter or a stove”

You laugh, taking a bite. “Thank you, this is perfect. But you guys really don’t have to make such a big fuss over my birthday, it’s no big deal.”

“Of course it is” Tyer huffs, checking his watch. “ Now, you have forty minutes to eat and get ready, and then we’re heading into town to go shopping.”

“Shopping?” you ask.

“You need something to wear to your party”

“My party!?” You exclaim.

“Oh yeah, by the way, we’re throwing you a party tonight”

“Oh my gosh” you say with a laugh. “You guys really are going all out aren't you” “It’s because we love you, “ Tyler says cheekily, “But seriously, I was instructed very clearly by my mom that if I was throwing you a party I also needed to provide you the opportunity to get a new outfit”

“Your mother is a wise woman” you say, pointing your spoon at Tyler.

“Plus, I thought you might want to get something extra special, since Patrick will be there”

Your heart jumped at his name, but you shrugged, “Why would that matter?”

“Oh please, you’re practically in love with him” Josh claims, bumping into your shoulder.

You roll your eyes, “ I am not”

“Listen, we’ve all been waltzing around watching the two of you make puppy dog eyes at each other for days,” Tyler says, looking at you knowingly, “we’re merely observing.”

“Okay, okay fine you caught me. I may like him just  a little” you admit, blushing despite yourself.

“So, we’re going around town to a few places, wherever you want, and we’re all gonna get fancy new outfits. Then, we’re going to lunch at this cool little barbecue place that some fans recommended, we’re stopping at a nearby park, and then we’re coming back to get ready and dance the night away’ Tyler explains.

“Sounds perfect” you say with a grin. “Thanks guys” you reach across the table, squeezing Tyler’s hands.

“Anything for you” Tyler says, “but only for today because I hate shopping”

You let out a laugh, “Sounds like a deal”

The two of you finish getting ready, and head into town. Josh stayed behind, meaning you had the whole day for just you and Tyler. You two spent the day shopping, eating, and sightseeing. Being with Tyler was crazy fun - it had been ages since just the two of you hung out and you had missed him a lot. After hours of goofing off and annoying each other, you decided to return. When the two of you returned, it was like a ghost town. No one was around, even Josh wasn’t in the bus. You asked Tyler about it, but he simply told you not to worry about it and to “hurry up and get ready already”. The two of you blasted music through the bus, him dancing around and annoying you, distracting you from getting ready. Finally, you emerged from the back of the bus ready. For your new party outfit, which Tyler bought for you as part of your birthday gift, you had gotten black ripped jeans, black booties with a cute little heel, and a dark red lace shirt. Your hair was curled in large loose waves and you had re done your eyeliner three times just to make sure your makeup looked perfect. You usually didn't get too excited over your birthday, but tonight your stomach was filled with butterflies

“Ready for your party?” Tyler asks, gallantly offering his arm.

“Yeah but, where are we going?” You asks, looking around the parking lot he was guiding you through.

“You’ll see”

After a few minutes, you reach a pair of doors.

“Here we are” Tyler says with a grin, “You ready?”

You nod, unsure of what to expect behind the somewhat rickety looking doors. Tyler grins at you one more time, makes a drum roll sound with his tongue, and opens the door.

PATRICKS POV

“SURPRISE!” the loud shout rings through the building as confetti falls over the door and covers (Y/N) and Tyler. Patricks grins and claps, laughing at (Y/N)’s shocked and happy face when she takes in the crowd. The guys had gotten together and invited a ton of people to give her a huge party, and Patrick heard that many of her close friends had even made it.

“Oh my gosh!” (Y/N) says, grinning at the people that approach her. Patrick and Pete hang back to wait their turn, watching everyone else come through.

Gerard walks up to (Y/N) with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, a few girls that must be good friends of (Y/N) tackle her in a group hug. Finally, Patrick watched as Brendon approaches her. (Y/N) grins and shouts his name, hugging him tightly and Brendon spins her in a circle and kisses her cheek, causing Patrick to shove down a wave of jealousy.

“Seriously was I the last person on earth to meet her?” Patrick asks in exasperation.

“Sorry bro. If I’d known you woulda liked her so much I would have introduced you earlier” Pete answers with a chuckle.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Patrick says. Pete just looks at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright, okay, nevermind” Patrick waves his hands, “Yes, I like her”

“Trust me, we noticed” Joe laughs.

Patrick rolls his eyes and waves them off, finally seeing a lull in the crowd and walking over to (Y/N).

“Hey” Patrick says, stuffing his hands in his pockets after hugging her lightly, “Happy Birthday (Y/N), you look stunning”

(Y/N) smiles as a blush pours over her cheeks. “Thank you Patrick. I can’t believe you guys did all this”

“It was mostly Tyler’s idea, he thought you’d want to be surrounded by all your friends”

Her responding grin lightens Patrick's heart, “This is amazing” she says, shaking her head, “I feel bad making you guys go through all this trouble. I mean inviting everyone, decorating,pl-”

“Hey” Patrick says, reaching forward and grabbing her hand, stopping her mid word, “We all wanted to do this for you. Just repay us by having fun okay?”

“Okay” she says with a shy grin. Patrick squeezes her hand, and nods towards the dance floor, “What do you say we show these people our dance moves?”

(Y/N) giggles and nods, and Patrick leads them to the dance floor. The next several hours are filled with music and lights and cake, and it isnt until almost two in the morning that the party evan begins to die down. This is when Patrick decides its time. He searches across the room, finally spotting (Y/N) near the gift table, talking animatedly to Brendon.

Patrick approaches, trying not to interrupt them.

“Hey Trick” (Y/N) says with a warm smile when she spots him over Brendon's shoulder.

“Ah good,” Brendon says, turning to see him, “Keep the birthday girl company Patrick, I’m gonna go grab a drink” Patrick nods and laughs as Brendon kisses (Y/N) loudly on the cheek and struts away.

“I didn’t know you guys were so close” Patrick says.

“We’re not, really, we’ve just hung out a few times since him and Josh are close,” (Y/N) explains, “He’s just really friendly”

Patrick laughs “Yeah yeah he is”

“Having fun? Sorry I haven’t been back to the dance floor for a while, figured I should just make the rounds” she says guiltily.

“Oh that’s fine I was actually, well, I wanted to give you your birthday present.” Patrick explains nervously.

“Oh Patrick you didn’t have to get me anything” she says, looking surprised.

“No it’s okay, I really wanted to get you this, but we have to go outside to get it”

“I could use some fresh air anyway” she says brightly, smiling and taking Patrick’s hand when he offers it. Patrick slips back to the doors they had come in, turning the corner until they reached the back of the building, and a ladder that led to the roof.

“We have to go up” Patrick says with a smile when (Y/N) looks confused.

“Are we even allowed to?” she asks, concerned.

“I think so, I’ve been up here already. But either way…” he trails off with a shrug and a smile, starting to climb.

“Wait Patrick…”

“Yeah?” he pauses his climb, looking down.

“You’re not going to murder me are you?” (Y/N) asks jokingly.

“No,” Patrick says with a laugh, “But if I was I wouldn't tell you anyway”

“Well that’s reassuring” (Y/N) says with a laugh, following Patrick up the ladder anyway.

Y/N’S POV

When you reach the top of the ladder, Patrick grabs your hand and steadies you as you step onto the roof. When you look around, you can't help but gasp. On the roof is a large picnic blanket, spread out along with a little picnic basket and a small speaker, playing quiet music in the background, and some candles spot the area, basking the whole scene in warm, glowing light.

“Patrick this is beautiful” you gasp, turning to face him. When you do, he’s smiling at you and holding a single rose, and a wrapped gift. Your eyes widen and you smile at him, “Oh my gosh” you say, covering your face with your hands - you couldn't believe he had done all of this for you.

“Happy Birthday (Y/N), this is for you” he says, handing the box to you. You take it, trying to hide your shaking hands as you slowly untie the ribbon and tear the paper off. When you open the rectangular box, a sparkling pendant in the shape of the infinity symbol hangs off a silver chain.

“Patrick it’s gorgeous” you say in awe, meeting his eyes again.

“You told me last week that the infinity symbol held a lot of meaning to you so I thought you might like this”

“Like it?” you repeat, “Patrick it’s wonderful. Put it on?”

Patrick nods and takes the box from you, carefully slipping it out of it’s holdings. You turn your back to him, holding up your hair. He softly slips the necklace around your neck and clasps it, every brush of his fingers sending shivers down your spine. When it’s done, he drops his hands, ever so slightly caressing your shoulders. You turn to face him, dropping your hair around your shoulders, standing only inches from his face

“How does it look?” you ask, reaching up to touch the small pendent with your fingertips.

“Breathtaking. Just like you” Patrick responds, looking deeply inside your eyes.

This time, neither one of you hesitates, and you lean forward, lips meeting in the kiss you both has been waiting for. Patrick kisses you softly, one hand slowly slipping into your hair and the other resting on your waist. The two of you kiss until you have to pull away to catch your breath, but you remain woven together, neither one willing to let the other go.

“Patrick,” you whisper, biting your lip.

“Yeah?” he asks softly.

“I think I love you” you confess as your forehead rests against his.

“(Y/N)?” he says.

“Yeah?” you ask, momentarily afraid of rejection.

“I think I love you too”

Tag List:  @imke-vd @imsocutekl @deltablue202 @theghostofpatrickssideburns @thepatricktreestump @memyselfandwifi @jigglypuff1999  @goldenlifevsgutter1996 @emoxxtrash @everybodywantsapete @the-doctor010

[hymn2000]

Called To Be A Rock - Frostiron feat. Spiderson AU fanfic - C11

Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Comments/reviews/questions welcome as always

Overall Desc.: Peter is staying with Tony and Loki one summer while his aunt is away working/travelling.

Chapter Desc.: Tony decides on a spontaneous night away. Domestic bliss is always easier in theory than in practice

Ship(s) involved: Tony x Loki aka Frostiron

Verse: Personal AU

Ongoing Warnings/themes/cw mentions: sickness, domestic, fluff

Chapter 11 - On The Edge Again

-

Tony burst into the reading room, making Loki and Peter jump. 

“Right, you two” he said. “You need your overnight bags packed. Go”

Peter jumped up immediately, no questions asked. Loki wasn’t quite so eager. Tony took his book from him. 

“Come on, my little bookworm, hop to it”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. Come on, you don’t have all day”

Loki frowned. “I’d rather stay here”

“Tough. Go and get your bag ready”

“And what if I don’t? What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, spank you?” he saw the look on Loki’s face. “That wasn’t an invitation! Come on, get up, get cracking. You’ve got twenty minutes and I want both of you down to the garage, ok? Move it!”

Loki sighed and finally gave in.

-

Peter pushed open Loki’s bedroom door, dropping his bag in the doorway and bounding up to the god.

“Where are we going, huh? Did Mr Stark tell you? Do you think it’ll be good?”

“I haven’t a clue” Loki said, zipping his bag up. “I suppose we’ll find out”

“I think we’re going overnight, so like, will it be a big hotel or something? Or is he taking us to a conference, or-”

“I said, I haven’t a clue. There’s no use in asking me: you’ll just have to wait and see”

“Ok, ok” Peter nodded. 

Tony poked his head round the door. “Ready? Stop yakking and get down to the car. I’ll be with you in a minute”

-

“Why does he need so many cars?” Peter asked, looking at the selection of vehicles down in the large garage. 

“He doesn���t: he just wants them. One for every day of the week, I think”

Tony soon joined them. “Right, we’ll take the scout. Shove your bags in the boot”

Loki wasn’t feeling too clever, but he did as he was told and reluctantly opened the car door. Peter stopped him.

“Aren’t you sitting up front?”

“He prefers the back” Tony answered for him. “More room to stretch out”

“Oh”

Peter decided on the back too, partly to keep Loki company. He was going over so many possibilities of their destination in his head, not sure whether or not he should be excited. 

The engine came to life, and Loki gripped the car door armrest. Peter noticed this, and at first considered the possibility he didn’t like Tony’s driving - but Peter himself had never had a problem with it.

They’d barely gone five miles before Peter noticed that Loki had turned very pale.

“Mr Loki? Are you ok?”

Tony glanced at them in his rear view mirror, and passed Loki a bottle of water.

“He just gets travel sick, don’t you, pet?”

Loki nodded, accepting the bottle of water gratefully. 

“Really? But like, don’t you all go flying about in spaceships where you’re from?”

“Yes, but I can manage that. I can do the ships, and planes and trains and boats, and buses and trams. It’s just cars, they really get to me. I don’t know why” Loki said, sounding tired.

“Weird. So, you can travel fine any other way, but cars get you? That’s odd. What about, like, fairground rides and stuff? Do they make you sick too?”

“No. But then, I can’t say I’ve been on very many”

“Ok. So, do you just feel sick, or do you actually-”

“Peter” Tony interrupted. “Don’t keep going on about it: you’ll make it worse. If you are going to talk, try to take his mind off it”

-

It wasn’t long before Loki started to feel really ill. Tony noticed. 

“Drink your water, sweetheart: it’ll help” 

Loki sipped the water weakly, and it did help a bit, but he felt very tired now too. Tony reached into the bag in the passenger footwell and pulled out a worn ikea pig, which he passed to Loki. 

“Here. Why don’t you cuddle up and try to get your head down for a bit?”

Peter watched, amused. “You’ve got a cuddly toy? That’s adorable”

Loki wasn’t in the mood to banter with him. He took the pig and positioned it against the car window ledge where it could act as a cushion, and promptly buried his face in it. 

-

“I think he’s fallen asleep now” Peter said after a while. 

Tony nodded. “Just as well, really. We can make a bit of progress while he’s out for the count. Why don’t you go to sleep for a bit as well? I don’t want you waking him”

“I’m not tired. I’m not gonna wake him up either” 

“See that you don’t”

“Is this why he didn’t want to come?”

“Probably” Tony said. “Hates it, driving. I don’t blame him: I’d hate it too if it made me ill”

“Can’t you get travel pills or something?”

“Usually do, but we’ve run out. Which is a shame, because they’re pretty good” 

Peter looked at Loki. “I know it’s horrible. But it’s kinda reassuring seeing that he can be just as human as us sometimes”

Tony paused, glancing at him. “I know what you mean”

-

Loki woke up after about an hour, feeling a little disorientated. 

“Hey, sleepyhead” Tony said. “Ok?”

Loki didn’t reply. He felt sick again already. Truly, dreadfully sick. He buried his face in his pig again, trying to breathe evenly. The road they were on was very bumpy and winding, and Loki soon started to feel very shaky and hot as well as highly nauseous. 

“Do you need your water?” Peter asked. 

Loki swallowed heavily. “Tony... Can we stop for a minute?”

Tony quickly found a place by the side of the road to park up. Loki undid his seatbelt and threw the car door open. He went to get up and was overcome with a dizziness which caused him to sit back on the edge of the seat, head in his hands. Tony got out of the car, going to him. 

“Ok?”

Loki tried to breathe deeply, but it wasn’t enough. He was forced to push himself up from his seat and get out of the car. He breathed very heavily, one hand on the car to support himself, and doubled up. Tony rubbed his back as he was badly sick. 

“Alright sweetheart, alright. You’ll be ok in a minute”

Once he’d finished, Tony helped him sit back down. Peter moved closer, passing Loki what little remained in his water bottle. Loki accepted it, but it had gone warm from being in the hot car, and so didn’t help much. Tony squeezed his shoulder, looking around them. There was a sign nearby for event parking, and another one detailing a little fair going on in the village.

“Ok darling, we’re going to park up and then get out for a bit and have a walk. Fresh air will do you good. Just a couple more minutes in the car, ok?” 

Loki nodded. He didn’t really have any other option.

-

They parked up and got out of the car. Loki was still feeling very shaky and found he had to hold on to Tony’s arm to support himself. It had turned out to be a very warm day, but as they began their walk to the village, a cool breeze picked up, which was very welcome. Loki was grateful of the fresh air, and he was starting to feel a little better. 

“Where are we, anyway?” Peter asked, looking around with interest. 

“Haven’t a clue” Tony answered. “Now I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready for something to eat now”

Peter nodded. “I’m not massively hungry yet, but I wouldn’t say no to a snack”

They walked through the stalls, and soon stumbled across a bakery. Peter and Tony took advantage of the coffee and cake offer. Loki insisted he’d lost his appetite, and just had a can of dandelion and burdock. They found a wall in the sun to sit on, watching the band play. It was very calm, even though the village was relatively busy. Loki soon found he was quite happy sat sipping his pop and watching the world go by, and he was feeling mostly better. 

Tony didn’t want to crowd him, so talked with Peter instead. Soon, Peter gestured to the other side of the square.

“There’s a pharmacy over there”

“Ooh, good thinking. Here, keep an eye on my drink” Tony stood up, ruffling Peter’s hair. “Won’t be a minute”

Once he’d gone, Peter took his place on the wall, closer to Loki. 

“You feeling better now?”

“Mostly... I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for?”

Loki shrugged, raising his drink to his mouth. “I always feel like I ruin things, getting sick like this. I think it stunts a lot of opportunity”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s hard for Tony to want to take me out when I can barely go two minutes without feeling ill in the car”

Peter didn’t see it as a problem. “Well, just stock up on travel pills and be done with it. It’s an easy fix”

A smile tugged at Loki’s lips. “I like having you around: you’re so relentlessly positive”

“Oh, I’m just seeing the obvious. You worry too much. Plus, I think he wants to take you places. I’ve seen him looking on hotels.com recently. Maybe he’s after a weekend away. Unless this is it. I don’t know”

Tony reappeared. He handed Loki a box of Kwells. 

“Get a couple of them down you” he looked at Peter. “You’re in my seat”

Peter moved aside obediently, letting Tony sit down. Loki took a couple of pills and leant back against Tony, draining the rest of his drink. 

“What’s in your bag?”

“Hm? Oh. Barley sugar. And a few drinks” 

“Have we still got long to go?”

“Not really” Tony said. “Well, at least another half hour. Maybe an hour, depending on traffic”

Loki sighed. He didn’t want to get back in the car, not now he was feeling better. But, he’d had the travel pills now, and he had the drinks and barley sugar to help him through, so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad after all.

-

The next leg of the journey was much easier. Peter started up a game of I-Spy, which kept them occupied, and caused a few arguments over who had guessed the right answer first. After they’d exhausted all the obvious spies, it all got a bit obscure. Peter and Tony got stuck on Loki’s turn for quite a while. They’d already guessed Tree and Truck and Tire and Tony, and suddenly finding anything else beginning with T seemed utterly impossible. 

“Tractor!” Peter burst out, suddenly spotting one in a field they were passing.

“No” Loki said, relishing in the defeated look on his face.

“Telephone” Tony guessed.

Loki shook his head. “No”

There was another silence. Peter looked round the car, and out of the car, trying to spot something - anything - beginning with T. He was feeling very competitive. 

“Turkey”

“You’re just making stuff up now” Loki said. “Come on, it’s such an obvious one”

“Evidently not!” Peter said. “Give us a clue”

“It’s inside the car”

That didn’t help much. Tony was starting to get annoyed. He couldn’t for the life of him think of anything.

“Twat”

“Uhh, there’s young ears present, remember” Loki spluttered. “Plus, you’ve already guessed yourself”

“Oi, you cheeky git!” Tony reached behind him, slapping Loki’s leg. He glanced at Peter. “Don’t you go copying us”

“I’ve heard worse” Peter said, not really paying attention to them. He sighed heavily. “I give up! I can’t think of anything else”

“How have you not got it? You’re both rubbish” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “What it is then?”

“Thermometer”

Suddenly they both saw it - the window sticker thermometer on the front windscreen. They both growled in annoyance, and Tony slapped his leg again.

“Trust you to pick something so obscure”

Loki merely laughed.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see that! It’s so obvious now” Peter whined.

Loki laughed at him too. “Ok, I won that round, so my turn again. I spy with-”

“No, we’re not doing this again!” Tony interrupted. “You’ll pick the screw in your sunglasses or something silly like that”

“You’re just a sore loser”

“Maybe so! Anyway, we’ll be there in a minute”

-

They pulled up and parked on a private drive in front of a house. It was pretty, but it didn’t seem to be anything too spectacular from the outside. It was quite big, but still relatively cosy looking. They climbed out of the car, and Loki and Peter looked at each other, and then back at the house.

“Tony”

“I felt we needed a break” Tony said, answering his unspoken question. “I only booked it last night, just kinda like a last minute thing, but I thought it was nice. It’s only a two bed, I’m afraid. But it was last minute, as I said”

“It’s nice!” Peter said, looking up at it. “Good job we set off so early! So, is there anything to do nearby?”

“I didn’t really look” Tony said, opening the boot to get the bags out. “But the house itself is good. Fire pit and swimming pool in the back, and sports equipment in the shed. And the weathers good, so we can just hang out here, unwind a bit”

“Woah, no way! I haven’t been swimming for ages!”

“We’ve got a pool at home” Loki said.

“Wait, really?” Peter looked at him.

“Yes, but we never really use it” Tony said. “Come on, lets chuck our stuff down and get changed. May as well make the most of it”

“Ok!” Peter said eagerly - and then his face fell. “I didn’t bring swimming stuff...”

“I didn’t think you would, so I grabbed stuff for both of you. And a couple of others things you were bound to forget. Come on, key should be under the mat”

-

Loki had started to feel a bit fed up, and the bedroom situation annoyed him.

“Stop moping, Lolly” Tony said, throwing a pair of swimming trunks at him. “What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you get a three bed?”

“It was last minute, like I said. I’m sure you’ll survive having one night sleeping in the same bed” 

“I like my space” Loki said.

“Oh give it a rest, lolly. Are you still feeling sick, is that it?”

Loki nodded. Tony sighed, giving him a quick hug. 

“Get changed. You’ll feel better for a bit of exercise”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, now hurry up before I follow through on this mornings threat”

Loki couldn’t help laughing at him.

-

Peter was in his element. The pool was out the back, with blue gradient tiles, sparkling in the sun light, and it was a good size too. Tony laughed at him as he jumped in, making quite the splash. He emerged from the water, pushing his hair back over his forehead. 

“I’d forgotten how much I liked pools!”

Loki went to sit down on one of the deck chairs, but Tony grabbed his arm to stop him, taking his book and throwing it aside.

“Oh no you don’t! Come on, come for a swim”

“I’d really rather not. I’ve said this already” Loki said.

“Aww, come on, Mr Loki!” Peter hauled himself out of the pool, grabbing Loki’s hand. “You may as well make the most of it!” 

He pulled Loki towards the edge of the pool.

“I’m happier just paddling” Loki said, trying to take his hand back. 

“Can’t you just have a little swim? It’ll be fun! Just, yknow, jump in”

Peter went to do just that, but slipped on the tiles, falling into Loki and knocking them both into the pool with an almighty splash. They emerged a few seconds later, both coughing a bit, while Tony stood at the side, almost wetting himself with laughter.

“Your faces!”

Loki glared at him, holding onto the edge and pushing his hair back out of his eyes. He wasn’t happy at all. Peter tried to laugh it off.

“Whoops! Oh well, may as well have that swim now you’re in!”

“He’s right about that” Tony said, sliding into the pool with much more dignity. He was still laughing. 

Loki wasn’t impressed. “I’m happier just paddling. I’ve already said this”

Tony sighed, but decided not to push it. “Suit yourself” he gave Peter a poke. “Race you”

“Ok!”

Loki hauled himself back onto the edge, grabbing a nearby towel to dry his face. He wanted to storm back inside and recluse by the hearth with his book, but he sat paddling anyway, watching Tony and Peter. 

He was quite relieved that they soon seemed to forget about him. They were too busy playing recklessly; racing and splashing and laughing. After a while, Loki found himself smiling fondly at them. They were certainly enjoying themselves, and it was rather nice to see Tony’s paternal side in full bloom. 

Eventually, Tony left Peter practising his backstroke and pulled himself up onto the side next to Loki. 

“Hey baby” his voice was husky - he was still evidently a bit out of breath.

“Enjoying yourself?”

Tony nodded. “He’s a strong little swimmer. He’s tired me out a bit. I think it’s your turn now”

“I think not”

“Why not, eh? I think it’d mean a lot to him if you did. And the exercise is good for you. Best exercise you can do, swimming”

“I’m fine here”

Tony watched him for a moment. “Don’t you like swimming?”

“I just don’t fancy it”

“Come on, five minutes! Humour me” Tony slid back into the pool, turning and taking Loki’s hands. “Please?”

Loki looked at him. Peter raced over to them.

“Are you coming in now?” he asked, breathing heavily. 

“Yes, he is” Tony said, pulling him into the pool.

Loki wasn’t expecting it, and he panicked a bit, grabbing hold of Tony’s arm.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Loki snapped. “Idiot! I’ve already told you no!”

“Aww, please Mr Loki! Just one race!” Peter begged.

“No” Loki said firmly, feeling for the ledge with his free hand and making a tight grip on it before letting go of Tony. “I’ll play with you some other time”

Peter pouted. Loki pulled himself out of the pool, sitting back on the edge. Tony sighed.

“Leave him. If he’s going to be a sourpuss, let him” he gave Peter a little push. “Best of three, ok?”

Peter looked at Loki, who was trembling. He gave him a little smile and then turned back to Tony. 

“You’re on!”

-

Once he’d been forgotten about again, Loki moved over into one of the deckchairs, retrieving his book. He felt much better for it. The sun was hot on his skin, and Tony and Peter’s antics made for good background noise. He was happy to settle with his book and forget the world for a little bit.

-

Eventually, Tony and Peter left the pool. Peter flopped down on the tiles, watching the sky as he caught his breath. Tony put a hand under Loki’s chin, tipping his head back.

“Hey beautiful. Are you gonna come inside for a bit? We’re gonna dry off and get changed, grab something to eat”

“Is there a shop nearby then?”

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know. I brought some stuff with us” Tony said. He called over to Peter. “Come on, better get changed”

Peter pulled himself up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it round his shoulders. 

“Whew! I’m proper knackered after that! I need to go swimming more often” 

-

Loki was much happier once they’d all gotten dressed and were sat in the big rustic kitchen. 

“I’m cooking properly later, so I’ll just do something light for now, ok? What do you two fancy?” Tony asked. 

“To be honest, I just want a cup of tea” Loki said. 

“You can have a cup of tea, that’s no problem” Tony said, switching the kettle on. “But you have to eat something too. Peter?”

“Pancakes. Can we have pancakes?”

“Sure”

“You’re lucky he’s good at them” Loki said, putting his arms on the table and resting his head on them. 

“Oi, I’m not a bad cook all round, you know” Tony said, waving a spatula in his direction. “Well, not now I’ve actually learnt something more than toast”

“You used to be rubbish” Loki said. “No wonder Pepper made you take those classes”

Peter was quite amused by this, but decided not to say anything. He got up and sorted Loki’s tea for him while Tony got cracking on the pancakes. Loki sat up again when Peter handed him the mug. 

“Which one did you go for?”

“Chia”

“I think you mean chai” Loki said. “Thank you”

“No problem. What’s this one like?”

“Christmas” Loki said, breathing in the spiced scent. “Always reminds me of Christmas”

He took a few mouthfuls and handed the mug over for Peter to try.

“Ooh, you’re right! Definitely Christmassy” he said. “I like this one”

“Well, please help yourself. I’ve got loads of tea to get through: may as well have a helping hand”

“Thank you!”

He handed the mug back and went to make himself one. Tony looked at them, at Peter struggling with the kettle lid, and Loki staring quite intently into his mug. 

“You two are great, did you know?”

“Aww” Peter smiled at him.

“Of course I knew” Loki said. “You’d be a fool not to see it”

Tony laughed at him, turned back to the stove. “First one’s nearly ready”

-

Tony quite enjoyed playing the domestic goddess. Once everyone was well fed, he stood doing the washing up, Peter at his side, drying the clean stuff and chatting nineteen to the dozen. 

The scratch of a lighter igniting was heard. 

“Oh, Lolly, sweetheart, you’ll have to pop outside if you’re doing that” Tony said. “It’s a non-smoking property”

“Ooh, sorry. I’ll just-”

Loki went outside. Peter watching him, turning to Tony once he’d gone.

“I wish he wouldn’t do that. I mean, weirdly, I do kinda like the smell, but still. It’s not a good thing to do”

“I know. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he never pays much attention” Tony said, draining the sink and drying his hands. 

“Has he always smoked?”

“No. I think I’m slightly responsible for it. When we first got together, we had a bit of a partying phase, lots of late nights, you know. Anyway, clubs get pretty hot, so we’d step outside for some air, and one night we got talking to some bloke, and he offered Loki a cigarette. Loki looked at me first, for permission, like, and I nodded. I didn’t really think anything of it. After that, he used to smoke on nights out, because he was always offered, and I think he quite liked the way it looked. I don’t know. But anyway, since it was only on nights out, I didn’t mind. But we slowly moved out of that stage, and a few months later I found a box on his bedside table. Even then, he wasn’t a heavy smoker. Used to just do it every couple of weeks. It’s only fairly recently that he’s started doing it more. He’s had quite a few bad days recently though. I think that’s why”

“You think he only does it because he’s sad?”

“Partly. I know he’s not addicted. He can go for ages without one if he wants to. No, I think he does it - started doing it - because it reminds him of good times. He used to love our nights out. He’d come over and we’d stick on an old 80s CD while we got all dressed up. We definitely had a couple of favourite venues. He used to have a great time - we both did” Tony laughed slightly. “He was so funny that first time. He’d never done anything like it before. He didn’t really know what he was doing. It shocked him a bit, having people coming up wanting to dance, wanting to talk and hug and stuff. He soon got used to it though. I think he liked the attention. And the drink. He was amazing, really. I’ve got loads of pictures somewhere. I’ll have to dig them out”

“It’s hard to imagine Mr Loki in a nightclub”

“He always looked the part though. He didn’t really have many clothes before he moved in, so I started buying him a load of stuff after we made things official, and they stayed at mine. It was proper stuff too, designer, independent stuff. I used to do eyeliner on him, too. Just a black liquid eyeliner. It made him look very striking” he led Peter over to the sofa at the back of the kitchen.

“So, did you both gets loads of attention then?”

“Yes. It’s obvious why I got it - I mean, look at my bank account! But Loki wasn’t high profile. He always got very surprised by it. We were pretty open about things on nights out back then, so he got to take full advantage of all the attention. He always dressed so he stood out, and especially with the eyeliner, he had such a look going on. He got lots of kisses”

“Didn’t I just?” Loki himself had appeared. 

Tony looked a little worried at first, but Loki seemed happy enough for Tony to be talking about it. He sat down next to Peter on the sofa. 

“You were seriously cute” Tony said. “Especially those first couple of nights. Didn’t have a clue what you were doing”

“It was all new to me” he looked at Peter. “I still don’t know how to dance. People would pull me onto the dance floor, and I used to freeze up a bit at first, not sure what to do”

“You just copy people, really” Tony said. “That little go-to thing you ended up with was so cute. God, you really were something. I used to love watching. You’d’ve laughed, Peter. He used to be so nervous, getting into the dancing with whoever had approached him, looking so cautious, and as he got into it, he’d get this little smile on his face, always looking at his own feet more than the other person, but looking so sincere and nervous when he did look at them. It was quite mesmerising. No wonder it usually ended in a kiss”

“Up against a rainbow pillar” Loki said.

“It was a good look”

“So, you let him kiss other people?” Peter said, looking quite confused.

“At first, yes. I think it’s a big part of the whole night-out scene, the whole experience. I didn’t mind, and I was always on hand in case someone tried any funny business”

“The kisses were nice. Mostly” Loki said. “But they were inconsequential: they didn’t matter, not really. I never thought about going home with anyone other than Tony”

“Exactly” Tony agreed. “We both agreed to that little bit of openness. At the end of the night, it was always us. Sure, we usually went off to McDonald’s with whoever we’d made friends with that night, but after that, he was always under my arm in the taxi on the way home. That’s just how it worked”

Peter understood now. “Are they actually as fun as they sound? Nights out, I mean”

“If you’re in the right company, yes” Tony said.

“And if you control yourself. Our favourite bar always had really good drinks offers on, and it can be really easy to go overboard when they’re staring you in the face” Loki said. “You’ve gotta know your limits”

“Never go out clubbing on your own. Always go with someone, and if you’re drinking - really drinking - make sure you’re with someone you trust to look after you if anything happens” Tony warned. “Nights out can be great fun, but you have to look after yourself for them to be good”

They were all quiet for a moment. 

“I miss it” Loki said. “We used to have a great time”

“Yeah, we did... I miss it too”

“Why don’t you go again?”

“I don’t know. We’ve got you to look after, for one thing” Tony said. “It’s been so long since we’ve done it”

“I wonder if those regulars still go”

“Maybe. Maybe they phased out of it too”

“You two are gonna make me sad, going all nostalgic on me” 

Loki smiled at him. “We’ve got some photos somewhere. We’ll have to show you some time. Oh” he looked at Tony. “Shall I show him some stuff?”

“Uh, no! Don’t you go using your funny memory-sharing mind trick thing on him. You’ll weird him out”

Peter looked at Loki gone-out, and then turned to Tony for an explanation. None was offered.

-

Loki was true to his word and played with Peter. While Tony settled on one of the deck chairs with a large whiskey, they raided the shed, and after rejecting the cricket and golf supplies, found a couple of tennis rackets and tennis balls, and an old football. 

They decided to start with tennis. Neither of them were very good at it, but it didn’t really matter, even though it meant they spent twice as much time running after the ball than actually hitting it. The afternoon was quickly turning into evening, the sky turning dusky. They didn’t really notice. Eventually the inevitable happened, and the ball landed in the pool. 

“I can get that” Peter said determinedly, seeing that it was floating quite close to the edge. 

He knelt down by the side of the pool, trying to retrieve the ball. He overreached, and toppled into the pool fully clothed. Loki absolutely lost it, and even Tony started laughing despite himself. Peter wasn’t very happy.

“It’s not funny!” 

“It really is!” Loki grinned, holding out a hand to him.

Peter took his hand - and tugged hard, pulling Loki down into the pool. It took him by surprise, and he fell awkwardly, plunging into the water and swallowing a bucketful as he did so. He fought clumsily, the water rushing in his ears. It took him a good seven seconds to resurface, though it felt a lot longer. He grabbed at the side of the pool, trying to cough, but not quite managing it. Tony came over, pulling him back to dry land and thumping him on the back a couple of times. Loki coughed and spluttered, initially bringing up a fair amount of water.

“Ew”

Tony glared at Peter, but quickly turned his attention back to Loki. He continued to pat his back as he stopped coughing, shushing him gently. 

“Alright sweetheart?” he helped Loki into a more upright position. “Don’t keep your mouth open next time”

Loki smiled weakly, but it didn’t last long. He was shaking all over and still felt quite panicked, and his throat hurt. Peter had crawled over to them.

“Are you alright?”

Loki shoved him in the chest, knocking him back into the pool. 

“Mm. You deserved that” Tony said, watching Peter’s annoyed face as he pulled himself out of the pool once again. “I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Back indoors, both of you. Go and get into your night stuff”

-

Loki hadn’t packed any nightclothes, but he searched through Tony’s bag and soon found his old, barely-worn silky pyjamas. He dried off as best he could with shaking hands and got changed. He was still a bit quivery when he went down to the kitchen where Tony was.

“How’s your throat?” 

“Feels weird. Kind of hollow”

Tony nodded, grabbing a jar and spoon and coming over to him. “Here, have a bit of this”

“What is it?”

“Honey. It’ll help, I promise”

Loki wasn’t convinced, but he let Tony give it to him anyway - and was surprised to find that it did indeed help. Tony smiled at him.

“Better? You are alright, aren’t you? You’re still shaking”

“I’m just still feeling quite shaken up”

“I’ll bet. You gave me a bit of a fright:- for a moment I thought I’d have to jump in after you. I think it took us both by surprise” Tony gave him a hug. “You’re not hurt at all, are you?”

Loki shook his head. “No, I’m not hurt”

“Good. I did worry a bit. It’s not nice, is it? Choking” 

Loki just looked at him. Tony let go of him for a moment, grabbing a towel. 

“Let’s get your hair dried, ok?”

For once, Loki didn’t protest it. Given the situation, Tony wasn’t as rough as usual.

Peter came down to the kitchen not long afterwards. 

“Sorry I pulled you in, Mr Loki, sir”

“Oh, it was just a bit of fun. I know you didn’t mean it maliciously. Still, I’d rather you didn’t do it again” 

“It was very silly of you” Tony said. “Although I must admit, it could’ve been pretty funny, if it hadn’t’ve gone wrong”

Peter turned and put the kettle on, not sure if it would be wise to say anything. 

“Here, Peter, grab the comb out of that bag for me, would you?”

Peter did as he was asked. Tony took the comb from him, gave Loki’s hair one last rub, and chucked the towel aside. 

“It’s getting pretty long again” Tony said, dragging the comb through his hair. “Best make you an appointment soon: you’ve neglected it for long enough”

Loki wasn’t really listening. He was still trying to calm his nerves, and it was taking a lot of effort. Peter came over, handing him a mug of tea.

“Peace offering?”

Loki took the mug from him. “Thank you. I already got my revenge anyway”

“What has he given you?” Tony asked, putting the comb down.

“Earl Grey”

Tony nodded approvingly. “A good choice for an apology”

“Mr Loki, can I ask you something?”

“Not now, Peter” Tony said firmly. “Right, living room, both of you”

-

Tony lit the fire and sat Loki and Peter down on the rug in front of it. He went through the shelves of board games, finally selecting snakes and ladders and plonking the box down on the rug. 

“Right, have a little game and try not to injure each other while I get tea started, ok?” Tony gave them both a quick squeeze and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Peter set the board up. 

“What colour do you want to be?” 

“I don’t mind” Loki said, moving closer to the fire. 

“Hmm. You can be green then. I’ll be red” Peter said, placing both game pieces on the starting point. “Mind if I start?”

“Be my guest”

They played quietly for quite a while, the only sounds being the clatter of the dice and the tapping of the playing pieces. Eventually Loki broke the silence.

“What did you want to ask me?”

“Huh?” Peter looked up. “Oh! Um, well, it wasn’t really a question; more an observation”

Loki looked at him, gesturing for him to continue.

Peter swallowed. “You can’t swim, can you?”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous! Of course I can swim” Loki scoffed indignantly. “I just didn’t want to swim earlier”

“Sorry, I just thought-”

“Well you thought wrong” Loki snapped, getting quite irate. “It’s your turn again”

They finished the game in silence, even though neither of them really felt like playing any more. Loki won.

“Want to play again?”

“Not especially”

“No, me neither...” Peter packed the game back into its box. “We could find something else to play. Something else to do”

“I think we’ve had enough games for one day” Loki said, lying down on his back on the rug, close to the fire. “I’m tired”

“You’ll burn yourself if you’re not careful” Peter said. Loki didn’t reply. “I’m tired too”

It had been a long day. Packing that morning felt like it had happened days ago. Peter looked at Loki for a moment. He shuddered a bit and crawled over, flopping on Loki’s chest. Loki sighed, but put his arms round the boy anyway. 

-

Tony was reluctant to disturb them when he saw them curled up together. Still, he walked over and knelt beside them, giving them a little shake. They soon woke up, whining tiredly.

“Come on you two, tea’s ready” 

Peter sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “I’m too tired to eat”

“Hey, I’ve been slaving over that stove so you’re both gonna appreciate my efforts, ok?” he ruffled Peter’s hair. “Come on lolly, up you get”

Loki didn’t want to move away from the fire, but he was hungry enough to give in and go out to the kitchen. He and Peter sat on the bench at the big dining table, both half-asleep. Nothing quite felt real. Tony had made one of his specialities - a pasta dish with red pepper and chorizo. It was one of Loki’s favourites, so he was quite happy settling down to it, still feeling like he was wandering through a type of dream world. 

After their very quiet meal, Loki and Peter sat back quite contentedly, leaning against each other and fighting to keep their eyes open. Tony stood up and touched Peter’s face gently.

“I think it’s bedtime for little spider-people” he said gently.

Peter nodded slowly. He wriggled round and knelt up a bit on the bench, giving Loki a quick, clumsy kiss. Loki gave him a hug in return.

“G’night, Mr Loki” he said sleepily, standing up and giving Tony a quick hug. “G’night, Mr Stark”

“Goodnight, kiddo” Tony said, giving him a gentle push towards the kitchen door. “Sleep well”

Tony turned back to Loki, who seemed a little absent. 

“I think it’s nearly bedtime for Loki’s as well” he said, giving him a hug. “You look wiped out”

“I feel it” Loki mumbled, resting his head on Tony’s chest. “It’s kinda nice” 

Tony kissed the top of his head. “Go on; you head up. I’ll just tidy up down here and then I’ll be with you”

-

Loki brushed his teeth sleepily and crawled into bed. It felt unbelievably soft, and Loki was unbelievably sleepy. He turned onto his side and grabbed his book, hoping to keep himself awake until Tony came up.

-

Tony finished up downstairs, locked up and turned the lights off. Once upstairs, he checked on Peter. Finding him fast asleep, he went to the other room.

“Kids knocked out” Tony said, closing the door. “Anyway, I was thinking - oh. Looks like you’ve gone the same way”

Loki had lost his fight with sleep. Tony smiled fondly, going over to the bed.

“Tired yourself out today, didn’t you?” Tony took the book from him, putting it on the bedside table, and pulled the covers up over him properly.

Tony changed into his nightclothes, turned the lamp on, and the big light off. He climbed into bed, cuddling up close to Loki, wrapping an arm round him and kissing his forehead.

“Goodnight sweetheart” 

*

[reekierevelator]

A Hot Wind Blowing

‘Ach, you’re always blowing hot and cold’, I said, as Abdul set down the main courses and I settled down to eat, admiring the red flock wallpaper and the funny big elephant god on the shelf in the corner.

As he turned to protest, the mouthful of vindaloo Tam had just swallowed blew over me like the sirocco had just arrived from the Sahara.

‘Look, of course, I fancy a holiday as much as you do,’ he said, ‘but it’s the money, I’m sailing close to the wind as it is.’

Tam was always the careful one; always desperately trying to peep over the horizon to see what was coming next. Worked as a scaffolder. Never quite sure when he’d be laid off between jobs. We’d been sort of pals since the old school football team. Got on fine talking about football.  Didn’t really have much else to talk about back then. As we got older we inevitably went our separate ways, but we kept in touch.  Both in our twenties now.  Both still single.  Since school I’ve been in an office job at Innalot’s petrochemical refinery, an easy train trip from town.  But it always kind of suited us to meet up two or three times a year and we’d arrange a holiday together. We’d always get together at the New Bengal for a decent British curry.

‘Come on,’ I said, ‘we’ve worked hard all year haven’t we? Don’t we deserve a break?’

‘Aye, well,’ he said, ‘a holiday would be fine, right enough Jim, but it’s finding the right place isn’t it?’

‘What do you mean, finding the right place? Anywhere with a bit of sunshine, right, same as always?  Not too expensive. Girls. Preferably a decent football team to watch.’

‘Aye, I’m sure that’s just what the volunteers were thinking when they headed for Spain in ‘36.’

‘What are you talking about man; that was nearly a century ago? We’d only just got round to introducing Spain to the beautiful game.’

‘Aye, ok, maybe Franco and Salazar have gone now but, you know, the winds of change are starting to feel gey chilly again.’

‘What the hell are you talking about? Winds of change – that was Harold Macmillan was it no? End of empire and all that. Listen, we can’t afford holidays in South Africa or India Tam, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

‘No, I know, has to be Europe - if we’re lucky. But it’s like Germany, I mean with the AfD stirring it up and…’

‘But we never go to Germany Tam. No warm enough, is it? And the AfD’s not quite Hitler - ein reich, ein volk, ein Führer, and all that – even if they do manage a takeover once Merkel goes.’

‘Aye, but you can’t help thinking though, can you? I mean it wasn’t just Germany was it? Like France - Pétain happy to swop liberté, égalité fraternité for fatherland, work, and family…’

‘What is all this Tam, we’ve all seen Casablanca like a dozen times haven’t we?’

‘…and there was Quisling in Norway, even Hungary was happy to go with the Arrow Cross… Slovakia, Croatia, they were all keen back then – you see what I’m saying? Who knows…’

‘How about sunny Italy then?’ I cracked a poppadum and tore off a strip from the Nan bread. I was getting a wee bit irritated.

‘What, with the Northern League and Five Star running the show?’ he said.

‘Still sunny though, isn’t it? It’s not like they’ve managed to get Mussolini’s back in the saddle is it?’

‘No, but his granddaughter, Ms Mussolini, she still seems stuck fast to the old man’s ideas - and they’ve elected her to the European Parliament.’

‘Ok, ok, there’s Turkey, we liked that the last time didn’t we?’

‘With Erdogan now though, clapping half the country in prison…’

‘My God, you need to get a grip Tam. Next it’ll be France is a no-go area just because of Le Pen, or Hungary because of Orban…’

‘Or Poland because it’s clamping down on democratic institutions and selling anti-Jewish propaganda in its Parliament?’

‘I mean, that’s half of Europe you’re talking about.’

He chewed on a tough bit of meat, sort of brooding.

‘Aye, and that’s not even all the places in Europe,’ he said with some venom, ‘never mind the rest of the world: Philippines – Duterte; Brazil – Bolsanaro; Xi Jinping, Kim Jong-un, and so on and so forth. I mean, it makes you think, doesn’t it?’

‘Here, hold on a minute, my boy.  It’s only a wee holiday we’re talking about, not interfering with the régimes of every foreign country.’

‘Well, but it’s all that populism, authoritarianism isn’t it? A few years ago it all seemed to have vanished – the National Front and Rock Against Racism back in the day?  And then, like the measles, it’s suddenly popping up all around us again.  It’s like the embers were still warm and the hot wind of populism has got the bush fire raging again.  All the wee nasties are streaming out of the sewers that run in the dark recesses of the internet, trailing some kind of evil stench all over the place. Starts with wee things, like insulting Islamic people on buses, mistaking all Jews for the State of Israel, and then it spreads like wildfire.’

‘Easy on Tam. To be honest, the only evil stench round here is your breath my man.’

‘Away ye go Jim. A red sky, and a socialist hurricane of a wind, that’s what we’re needing to clear the air, set things straight. But it’s not happening is it? All falling away.’

‘Ach, socialism? That’s an old story. Look we can’t be worrying about the whole world. We’ve got all this Brexit carry-on right here to sort out, haven’t we? Tories are a fiasco and Labour not much better.  I mean… Corbyn?  We need a strong government to step in and take control don’t we?’

‘A firm hand on the tiller?’

‘Aye, resolute leadership.’

‘One to make the trains run on time, eh?’

‘Well, see the state of our railways, it couldn’t be any worse.’

‘Maybe get the country run by people used to doing things efficiently, people with business expertise, people you know can succeed because they’ve already got lots of money?’

‘Better than the numpties supposed to be running the place the now. It would be good to get rid of this chaos and take back control, wouldn’t it? Too many cooks, that’s what I say.’

‘Oh take back control is it?  Parliament’s broken. Democracy obviously just doesn’t work any more. We need top people in charge who should just step up and run the country for us.’

‘Well, if it works what’s wrong with that Tam?’

‘Maybe they could stop all the self-serving trade unionists from messing things up for everyone else while they’re at it, eh? We’ll have proper efficiently run state trade unions and Britain for the British. That’s it, is it?’

‘Here, keep your hair on Tam. Naebody said anything about unions. What’s that one you’re in, Unite or something? They’re sometimes after my hard-earned too, but I soon tell them where to go.’

Tam just sort of grunted.

‘And I’m as Scottish as you are,’ I said, ‘and well you know it. But you’ve got to admit it’s getting harder to hear the guid Scots tongue on the streets these days. Chinese, Lithuanian, and Arabic. I mean, I can just about handle all these la-di-da English voices.’

‘So, it’s too many immigrants is it?  Blacks or Jews is it? Or just too many East Europeans working hard to keep our care homes, NHS, and hospitality industries afloat, or Chinese students pouring money into our colleges. What do you think? Maybe it’s time to corral all those turbaned Sikhs into a tenement in Leith is it? Stop them running around buying up all the tacky tourist shops? Time to round up all the burka’d Islamic types eh, include the refugees and asylum seekers and so on, and ship them all off back to the Middle East where they belong? And while we’re at it we could sort out those other deviants, that lot who refuse to settle in one place and make a mess of waste ground, all those travellers, gypsies, tinkers. Do it once and all, - is that it?’

‘Here, haud on a minute Tam, it sounds like you’re trying to make me out as some sort of bad guy here?’

He sort of screwed up his face into a wry smile and said ‘Well, maybe just a wee bit racially or religiously intolerant, no?’

‘And when did I ever say anything against black people? I mean there was never anything to say when the only black people you ever saw up here were students, was there? It’s different now though.’

Tam wiped his face with a napkin, leaned back into his chair, and gave me a quizzical look.

‘Jim,’ he said, getting on his high horse, ‘are you at the wind-up or are you really wanting to be out there fanning the flames? I mean, man to man the world ower shall brithers be for a that. That no right? Egalitarianism? Fairness? Mutual respect? The pluralist society? Common decency? Anyway, half those guys are as Scottish as you are.  I mean, what next - stop wasting money on caring for mentally ill people; stop wasting money bringing decades old cases of sexual abuse to trial? Who cares, eh?’

‘Here, listen, I’m on your side there Tam. What’s all those initials, LGBTQ and so on, what’s all that stuff about anyway?  Bunch of poofters and perverts. I hate all those pederasts and sexual exploitation merchants. They want to lock them all up and throw away the key.’

‘What, so that you and me can pay a fortune in taxes to keep them in prison for the rest of their lives?’

‘Aye, well, just find some other way to get rid of them that’s cheaper then. We could always bring back hanging.  And there’s science. I mean medical science is fairly progressing, isn’t it? Maybe concentrate on the future. Give the money to the medics to spend on all that new gene-editing stuff. Genetic modification.  Make all the babies come out right in future and we’ll have all those problems sorted.’

For some reason Tam sighed a really heavy sigh. He put his elbows on the table – which, strictly speaking, in terms of good manners, you really shouldn’t do, - and he dropped his head on to his hands like it weighed a ton. Then I heard him muttering under his breath.

‘Aye Jim, and even Churchill that said that a hundred thousand morally degenerate Britons should be forcibly sterilized and the rest put in labour camps. Aye, right enough. He said it was the only way to halt the decline of the British race.  They were all fond of eugenics in those days, weren’t they? And Churchill was a great man wasn’t he?’

‘Well,’ I agreed, ‘he was a great speaker, wasn’t he?’ - because Tam was saying it like Churchill wasn’t really a great man. ‘Won the war, didn’t he? Sent back all those Russian prisoners. Let their own people sort them out properly. Sometimes he said things just for emphasis, a bit of hyperbole and that.’

‘Aye, like old Mosely and his black shirts. Just saying things for effect. At least until Cable Street.’

‘Here, Sir Oswald was a lord, Tam, a genuine aristocrat, Winchester school and everything. He was trying to do what was best for Britain.’

‘Ok, so what, you’re saying there are some people we should just throw to the wind, eh? His British Union of Fascists wanted to start with the Jews.’

Tam sat up straight and looked me right in the eye.

‘Here, you know Jim, just saying that about throwing things to the wind brings to mind another breeze, the kamikaze, the divine winds, the winds that saved Japan from the Mongol fleets of the Kublai Khan back in 1274 and 1281. But when they got into having really strong men at the top that wind didn’t help them too much did it? They crashed in flames in 1945.’

‘Died with honour though Tam. Patriotic, weren’t they? They died for their god-emperor, their culture, defending their whole history. Kind of thing we should be doing. Sort of heroic really.’

‘Wasn’t easy for the Allies though, was it?  Nearly didn’t make it. Touch and go with the USA coming in to help; and being dependent on that other mad dictator, Stalin, to do the business at his end.’

‘Aye, Britannia ruled the waves and it was Scotland the Brave, no?’

‘Oh aye, we’re the best Jim. Wha’s like us? No mony and they’re a’ deid. Only three kinds o’ people. Scotsmen, people that want to be Scotsmen, and people wi’ nae sense – that no right eh?  Arrant jingoist nonsense so it is. Leave a’ that crap tae the Erdogans, Putins, and American white supremacists with their Aryan nonsense, or religious fundamentalists convinced that if you’re not exactly the same as them you’re not quite human.’

‘Aye, right, ok Tam. Nae need tae get hot under the collar.  To be honest if we get a summer as good as last time I’d be happy with Blackpool. Maybe Largs or Rothesay this year. Even Millport.’

‘How about the Irish Republic?’

‘What, wait a minute now, mingling with the Taigs?’

And Tam kind of looked away like he didn’t want to know me, didn’t want to be seen beside me. When he spoke his face was kind of drawn and serious and it was like he wasn’t really speaking to me anymore.

‘My God, but it’s come to something, hasn’t it, when we have to look to Ireland and the Irish Taoiseach for lessons in religious, racial, and sexual tolerance.’

I said, ‘Dinnae fash yersel Tam. You’re getting yourself all worked up and excited for no reason… The chilies in that curry fair go for you, don’t they? Do you fancy cooling down a bit with a bowl of ice-cream?’

‘Aye, right,’ he said, ‘ok then.’ He sounded a bit sad, almost despairing. Maybe holiday money was a bigger problem for him that I’d imagined.

So I shouts the order.

‘Hey, Abdul - two ice-creams when you’re ready pal.’

And the waiter comes over with that big stupid smile of his.

‘Yes indeed. Very nice to see you again gentlemen. I remember from last time. James and Thomas is it not? Oh, and good manners insist I tell you my own name. It is actually Ramesh, Ramesh Ranganathan.’

And as he stood there smiling – trying to curry favour - I mind I just said ‘Aye, right you are then Abdul. Make it three scoops each. Vanilla, all white, for Tam here. Strawberry, vanilla, and blueberry - red, white, and blue - for me.’

And right there and then, for some unknown reason, Tam launched himself at me, spouting some drivel about direct action. He had his hand clamped round the back of my neck and pushed my face down into what was left of the poppadums and mango chutney. Chutney all over my face. And my nose was sore and I saw it was bleeding. Blood dripping onto the white tablecloth. That Tam, what a hot-headed bampot. Hot head and hot breath right enough.

Of course, I had to call the police. The police know how to deal with people like that; they know which side they’re on, don’t they? Of course, I haven’t seen Tam since; although I did hear he was fined and bound over to keep the peace. They let him go on a promise of good behaviour and told him to get back to his work. Doubt if he’ll be getting a holiday this year though.  

But since then I’ve made a barrow-load of new friends through the internet. I’ve already fixed up a week’s holiday with some pals of some Robinson bloke in England. Some decent football teams to watch down there. Then later I’m off on the big one: a holiday in the sunny Southern USA with a couple of them. Apparently they know about this little sort of holiday camp where the air stays really hot even when a wind’s blowing. They’re thinking of maybe heading down to the Mexican border, or I might see Beckham’s new lot - what is it, Inter Miami CF? - playing somewhere. Great, eh?

And if my new pals are with me the next time I see Tam they say he’s got a bit of a surprise coming.