#still finding this writing thing super difficult lately but i'm trying!!

[writerslittlelibrary]

So, I'm not a prisoner?

masterlist part 1 part 2 part 3 extra

summary: you did not expect that your mission to take down the traitor, could end in such a difficult situation for you…

pairing: Natasha x Red Room teen reader

warnings: fighting, weapons, stabbing, blood, implied sexual abuse

genre: fluff, angst

words: 3073

a/n: I wanted to do a fic like this for so long!!!! anyway, I just kept scouting tumblr trying to find fics like this, so I figured I’d finally write one myself :)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

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A quick in and out. That was your mission. How on earth did you manage to screw it up so bad. In and out. Assassinate the traitor and come right back. 

Dreykov would’ve been so proud. 

But that didn’t happen. No. Every single aspect about that night failed to go according to plan. You snuck into the event Stark had hosted, was able to blend in with the other party goers, and you were able to hide when most of the people started to leave. 

Once it was just the Avengers left, you stayed in your hiding spot, observing them. You were here to kill Natasha Romanoff, and Natasha Romanoff only. 

You could not afford any casualties, so you had it all planned out. 

You’d wait until the Avengers would leave, and you’d take Natasha out before she could make it to her living quarters. You knew that once she made it to the living space of the Avengers tower, getting to her would be a lot harder. 

However, against all odds, Natasha excused herself from the group quite early, saying she wanted to get a good nights sleep. 

You internally cursed yourself, hating that this wasn’t something that you had planned for. 

Around the couches were still some Avengers sat. You recognised all of them. Clint Barton shouldn’t be too much trouble. He was only a guy who’s good with a bow. For Maria Hill could be said the same thing, except she’s very skilled with a gun.

No, you were worried about the other Avengers still seated. Tony Stark could call upon his armour in mere seconds. Thor had the power of thunder for god’s sake. Wanda Maximoff has exceptional powers, and therefor, if you were to attack with her still in the room, you’d be immobilised in an instant. 

You were fairly certain you didn’t need to worry much about Bruce Banner. Sure, he could turn into the Hulk, but he didn’t turn often, and lately, the Hulk hasn’t been spotted in the battlefield, meaning he probably had many trouble turning into him. 

Pietro Maximoff shouldn’t bring you a lot of trouble either. 

Your main concern were Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. One Super Soldier you could handle, but two? While fighting the rest of the Avengers? That wasn’t going to work. 

Lucky for you, Wanda Maximoff had excused herself from the gathering a while ago. If you didn’t make to much noise, she wouldn’t be much of a problem. You could be outside before she’d even make it to the party deck. 

Your original plan was to just wait. Natasha Romanoff would have usually sat through a party until far into the evening. You’d know, you’ve been watching her for weeks. 

However, now that Romanoff has announced she was returning to her bedroom, a slight panic ran through your body. 

Dreykov gave your 5 weeks to finish this assignment. That’s longer than any assignment you’d ever been on. You could not disappoint him with this. You had to kill the traitor. 

You figured now was your only chance, and so, as Natasha Romanoff made her way towards the elevator, you followed her. 

However, not even to your surprise, she stopped in the middle of the hallway. 

“You know I’m an assassin, too? You’re good, but you’re not un noticeable,” she states, calmly turning around, being met with a gun to your face. The moment she stopped, you were wise enough to draw your gun, holding her at gunpoint for any sudden movements. 

You could see a slight surprise appear on her face, before her face returned to her poker face once again. 

“You’re just a child…” Natasha spoke slowly, seeming almost disappointed. 

“You’re a traitor,” you spoke, loading the gun, taking a step closer. Natasha simply shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she spoke, before leaping towards you. You shot your gun, but Natasha was too fast, avoiding your gunfire as she ran past you, back to the other Avengers. 

How on earth could you have missed that shot? She was right there.

Pathetic. 

You don’t hesitate to run after her, determined to finish this tonight. 

Very much not to your surprise, the moment you run back into the party hall, the Avengers are already standing up and ready. Ready to fight you.

You don’t hesitate to move forwards, and after fighting Clint Barton for mere seconds, you quickly realise they have no intention of hurting you. You could use that to your advantage, and you do.

You kick Barton hard, leaving him on the floor, heaving for air as you move forward, taking on Maria. 

However, the moment you get close to Maria, two strong arms wrap around your body, pulling you back. They’re holding you tightly, and it doesn’t feel like they’re planning to let go. 

You struggle in the hold, fighting against who ever is holding you as you try to break free. A small panic runs through your body. The fear of being captured by the Avengers taking place in your mind. You do not fear the Avengers, but the thought of being seen as a traitor by Dreykov hurts your heart more than words could describe. 

“Stop struggling. We can help you,” you hear a voice behind you speak, and you soon come to realise the person you’re fighting is Captain America himself. 

No wonder you couldn’t get loose. 

Knowing it’s a Super Soldier, you’re quick to outsmart him, making him think you’re getting tired, relaxing your body is his hold. Because of this, the Captain lightens his grip a bit, giving you enough room to wiggle your arm free, moving it backwards to hit him in the face with your elbow. 

Because of the surprise, he lets you go, allowing you to stand again. 

The moment your feet hit the ground, you dash forward, holding up your knife as you use everyone’s shock to your advantage. 

Everyone is surprised by your capability of escaping Steve’s grasp, not realising your already moving towards Natasha again. You reach her quickly, stabbing your knife into her stomach as far as it can go. 

Natasha gasps, and you pull the knife out, watching as all the blood starts to seep from her stomach. 

Slowly, Natasha sinks to the ground, Maria catching her, helping her down. 

You move towards Natasha again, determined to get the job finished, but are quickly stopped by another pair of arms wrapping around your waist. You immediately recognise the metal arm, knowing that the Winter Soldier holds you in his grasp. You can’t escape him. You never have. 

He pulls you backwards, pushing you to the ground as he tries to punch you. However, you regain yourself quickly, rolling away from under him and kicking him in the face. 

Suddenly, you’re moved across the room. You forgot the damn speedster…

You raise your knife quickly, stabbing him before he has a chance to make another move. 

“PIETRO!” you hear a voice yell, and you turn your head to the right. Shit. Wanda Maximoff must have heard the commotion and went down to take a look. You have to get out of there. You will never win a fight with her.

You move quickly, running towards the stairs. However, before you could reach them, you felt a stabbing pain in your left shoulder, the sound of a gun shot following soon after. You had been shot. Bucky Barnes had shot you in an attempt to slow you down. 

But you didn’t let it. 

Instead, you went towards the stairs a little quicker, dashing down the hundreds of flights of stairs to get to the main floor. 

Of course, all SHIELD agents on the main floor were already expecting you, and you were followed by Steve Rogers, but you were quicker than him. You knew that. 

You dashed past all the SHIELD agents, avoiding their gun fire as you made it towards an emergency exit. 

The moment you stepped outside, you started your escape route. You already planned it, knowing exactly which way to go, no matter which way you would exit. 

Steve followed you outside, but the moment he set foot outside the door, you were gone. You had disappeared into the night, leaving no trace. 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

Back in the Avengers tower, the team was recovering from your attack. Natasha was in bad shape. Your strike had been an attempt to murder her, and you didn’t miss any organs as you pierced your blade through her abdomen. 

Pietro was much better. He was back on his feet quickly, seeing as though you stabbing him hadn’t been a murder attempt. You merely wanted to distract him. 

It didn’t take long for Natasha to get back on her feet either, even though she was advised to stay on bed rest after the surgery. 

Natasha was determined to find you, and she quickly got to work. 

Even though you had made it out of the Avengers tower quickly, you were still hurt, and some of you blood had fallen on the floor as you made your escape towards the stairs. Clint and Maria had collected that blood, running multiple tests, only to find out you were not registered anywhere. 

There was no record of your existence. Were you just another ghost story?

What they did find were traces of the Super Soldier serum. However, they were modified, almost as if they were genetically a part of your system. 

Did that mean you were just another Hydra experiment? Natasha did hear you calling her a traitor. That had to mean you knew Dreykov, right? Who else viewed her as a traitor. I would make sense. Sending a modified teenage assassin after her, knowing Natasha was above killing children. 

Even in the Red Room, she always hesitated when sparring against the younger students. 

Dreykov must have had a lot of faith in you to send you after her. Natasha can only hope you’re not a graduate yet…

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After the incident in the Avengers tower, you had fled to Germany. You figured it was best to leave the United States completely. And why would they ever search for you in Germany? 

You had rented an apartment, loving the small town you had chosen. Dreykov had given you 5 weeks to finish the assignment, and now, you had only 1 week left. There is now way that you’re going to succeed in killing Natasha within the week. 

They know you are after her now, and they will be prepared for you to make a return. You screwed it up.

Sloppy. 

Right now, you were just heading back to your apartment. You had taken a walk, deciding to make the most out of the freedom you had in the moment. The week would be over soon, and the moment Dreykov would send for your return you are certain you will not be seeing daylight any time soon. 

After you arrived in the apartment building, you instantly felt watched. 

Had the Avengers found you?

You made your way up to your apartment, pushing the key into the lock and walking through the small hallway. Someone was in here, you could feel it. 

You walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water, keeping your back towards the living room. 

“There are not a lot of places to hide in this apartment,” you spoke aloud into the emptiness of the apartment. Soon you heard a set of footsteps, and you felt another presence enter the room. 

“You’re very skilled for your age,” you heard a voice behind you say, and you immediately recognised it as Natasha’s. 

“And you are stronger than you look. I mean, even for you, I didn’t expect you to be on your feet so quickly,” you stated, turning around slowly. Natasha wasn’t holding a weapon in your face, something you were definitely expecting. 

You scanned her quickly, seeing the weapons she held on her belt. 

She didn’t come unarmed. Good. She’d be stupid to. 

“I don’t mean you any harm,” Natasha said, taking a small step forward as she held her hands in the air, showing you her every movement. 

You didn’t look impressed, instead just staring at her as she moved. 

“Then you are a fool,” you told her, and you spotted a small smirk flashing over Natasha’s face. “And you are very full of yourself,” she said, moving towards the kitchen island, leaning on it. 

“I can’t say I blame you. You took on a lot of the Avengers on your own. Even two Super Soldiers. That’s impressive,” she stated, giving you a small smile. You didn’t return it. 

“What? Jealous someone better took your place when you betrayed us,” you asked Natasha, determined to get on her nerves.

Natasha’s smile dropped quickly. 

“Quite the opposite, actually. I hoped no one would ever have to go through it again,” she told you, a hint of regret almost identifiable in her expression. Now it was your time to give her a small smile. 

“You think you’re so important that everything should’ve ended with you?” you asked her, moving towards the kitchen island as well, setting your glass down, still holding onto it. 

Natasha shook her head.

“What I am curious about, however, is the genetic Super Soldier serum that runs through your DNA,” Natasha paused, adjusting her stance before speaking again. “Tell me, was your dad a Super Soldier?” 

You let out a huff of amusement, surprising Natasha. 

“You think I believe you’re just here for a conversation? There are SHIELD agents placed on every corner of every street. Don’t think I didn’t notice it. The lovely young couple, drinking coffee at the restaurant downstairs? Amazing disguise, if you were trying to trick nine year olds,” you stated, finishing your glass of water. 

Natasha smiles, clearly impressed with your observations. 

“You’re right. I’m not here for just a conversation, although I do hope we can prevent violence,” Natasha started, but before she could continue you interrupted her. 

“You’re here to bring me in.” 

Natasha nodded, and the look on her face was almost apologetic. 

“No one needs to get hurt. If you just come with me, there’s a big chance you could avoid confinement,” Natasha explained, yet you just scoffed and shook your head. 

“Avoid confinement? Yeah right. There is no way, that after what I have done, your people won’t lock me away.” 

“I can be very persuasive,” Natasha simply replied. 

There was a small silence. Natasha knew you were debating your options. You didn’t seem like a brainwashed sheep. She knew that you knew better than trusting Dreykov’s lies. Sure, you still believed she was a traitor, but there is no way that you didn’t see that what Dreykov is doing is wrong. 

“You know going back after a failed mission will result in punishment,” Natasha started, trying to get through to you. Trying to give you that little push you needed to go with her. “If you go with me, you’ll never be punished like that ever again,” she finished. 

You looked up, deep in thought.

“How could you be so sure?” you asked her, and Natasha didn’t hesitate to respond. 

“We can keep you safe-”

“I found you. I nearly killed you. Who’s to say some other Widow won’t come after me as well?” you replied, and Natasha gave you another small smile. 

“I escaped the Red Room when I was 20,” Natasha started. “It took him 12 years to send someone after me. We will make sure we’ll take him down before he even has the chance to come after you.” 

“How many times, did you try to kill him, exactly? Because I believe you attempted his murder twice already, both of which you failed. You blew him up in Budapest, and then another time when you took the air facility down. Do you honestly think you’ll succeed now?”

Natasha shook her head, seemingly recollecting her thoughts. 

“I failed twice, and that was sloppy, but both times I didn’t have the Avengers on my side. You ran the moment you saw Wanda. You know what she is capable of. Taking down the Red Room for good shouldn’t be too difficult with the Avengers on our side,” Natasha explained, yet you just shook your head. 

“I’m not like you,” you told her, yet Natasha just looked at you in confusion. 

“I’m not some disposable widow like you were. I’m more important,” you explained, and Natasha gave you a sad smile.

“Everyone is just a disposable widow to him,” she started, but you interrupted her. 

“I’m not. You tested my blood. You know I carry the Super Soldier serum. I’m not just some girl he picked up from the streets,” you explained, and Natasha gave you a small nod, encouraging to keep going. 

“I can’t explain it, but he won’t just let me walk. He put too much time in my creation. He would never just let it go to waste,” you finished, looking down, avoiding Natasha’s gaze as you turned around, putting your glass by the sink. 

“We’ll help you. I know that we can,” Natasha tried. 

“Is it worth the risk? My life is not great, but it’s not terrible either. Dreykov values me, and I am not treated like a piece of meat, unlike you might suspect.” 

“So the punishment is worth it, then? Knowing that in three days time, Dreykov will have you be recollected, and once you return to the Red Room, you’ll be punished severely for a failed mission,” Natasha paused, allowing you to let her words sink in. 

“Or, in three days time, you could know you can go to bed without worrying about someone joining. You could know you can be safe, and sleep through the night without anyone disrupting you. Knowing that, is the choice really that hard?” Natasha finished, and you were almost at your breaking point. 

Was it worth it? Was going back the best decision? Dreykov would hurt you, you knew that, but you deserved it. Didn’t you? 

“Please, just come with me. We can help,” Natasha spoke, nearly begged. 

You sighed deeply. 

“Fine, but if you put me in a cell, I will go on a murder streak,” you told her, and Natasha let out a chuckle, before seeing your facial expression, and realising you were dead serious. 

“Duly noted,” Natasha said, before motioning you towards the door. 

What had you done…

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @simp-erformarvelwomen @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @mxximoffswifey

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Alright, we've had Nuzi headcanons. We've now had Vuzi headcanons... Let's heart it, you're Violent Biting Biscuits headcanons, N x Uzi x V... Or if you'd rather complete the set, eNVy headcanons. I am curious of both. (Your headcannons are just super cute)

Holy hecc, I'm so sorry for answering these asks so late but i'm gonna be honest- I just never think anyone likes my writings or ever reads them XD

okay then lets see- my ViolentBitingBiscuits headcanons- i will put eNVy for the next ask because someone else asked for it too and they wont all fit here lol.

My NUziV headcanons ovo<3 :

[once again these are only the drone versions, the human versions aren't involved / also i may add some 🔞🔞🔞 ones this time lol >:3 also uhhh apologies in advance but this one is long as all hell so....um]

K we know the drill, they are all together- hopefully in the future- even if any of them dies i'm gonna pretend i do not see 🙄 deadass gonna treat this like the jjba fandom- my faves are ALIVE AND WELL SHUT UP ARAKI-

Okay so there's some things that we have already mentioned in the previous headcanons- ill try to not repeat them unless they are necessary but ill also try to treat this as its own post and lightly repeat them real quick too-

N and V started out fighting over Uzi, and Uzi obviously was mostly into N at first- but after a while i guess Vs advances got to her- especially since she was- in a way- so desperate for attention/affection, so it felt a little overwhelming to her but in a good way. they very obviously flirted with her which got them silently treating it as a challenge- and Uzi being Uzi obviously loved the attention she got out of it- opting to let this just... kinda continue lmao. she didn't expect to let it go far enough for her to end up with both of them but here we are XD

We slightly touched this topic before about V but to reiterate- all of them have different levels of trauma that they all deal with and currently V has gone through the worst of it, both having to endure Cyn's torture in her mindspace and also having to watch N get slaughtered in front of her and possibly even having a hand in it. She fears losing people that mean to her so she became avoidant with a difficult personality to guard whatever's left of her. It took a really long time for her to decide to be with the two and to protect them and not run away from her feelings for anyone or anything. but some days its still difficult for her so sometimes N and Uzi have to literally trap her into a wrestling cuddle pile or something to get her to just... exist, without feeling like the whole universe is weighing her down. N and Uzi want her to know they are there to protect HER from those inner demons too.

sometimes the cuddle piles end up with N and V once again trying to get Uzi's attention lmao which ends up with them being a little too horny on main- whoops :) - everything starts with a little nibble here, a small bite there - maybe some pillow fights and climbing over eachother or holding one another down in different positions- aaaand then they wake up a few hours later with Uzi having regrets cuz these two are horny as f-

ANYWAY- N is probably the most patient of the 3, and although he usually never breaks up fights because he trusts the other two to handle their own problems without him needing to mom them, sometimes Uzi and V go a lil too far and he gets very tired of dealing with this kind of behavior. he never blows up at them- but he usually goes away to take a breather- sometimes hanging out with Thad or the other drones- and during this time Uzi and V kinda feel bad- but then they would think of stuff like maybe planning dates or getting food for him, draw stuff on cards and etc- or go around trying to find gifts to make him happy<3 sometimes they might add some extra kisses and unwinding sessions in the end as an extra treat :p N always forgives them obviously, he just needs some guys night out every once in a while or something lmao-

Getting close to Uzi became an excuse for N and V to get closer to eachother too. ironically, it first started with them bantering about who is better at what- but then it turned into unironically flirting and teasing eachother- but after a while they realized their relationship isn't going to ever be the same as what it was back in their old days but its also something completely new, so they become more willing to accept one another and explore their newer dynamic.

they all love being coddled and pampered every now and then. Uzi and V may not outright admit it- but they really do too. so they take turns with who they put in the middle of receiving affection :p

N and V are VERYYYYYY over protective of Uzi. to the point that they wouldn't even let the doctor [for tech repair obviously] check Uzi or touch her in any way when she had a small virus case lol. Khan had to pay the poor doctor extra for that.... deciding to leave his daughter in her room in a cuddle pile of two murderous demons that have glowing cat eyes every time he comes in the room smh.

V and N really like cuddling Uzi and sticking their hands under her clothes. or sometimes just flat out sleeping or cuddling naked. its less of a sexual thing and more so to do with the fact that the two MD's have higher body temperature and a less efficiant body for cooling- since they have a more compact torso and a lot less oil and coolant fluids going through them [since they need to consume it continuously] and having a bunch of working nanobots and nanites shoved into them to turn into weapons/wings/etc- and Uzi- although having the AS- is still very much less in need of cooling due to still having a more efficient body design for a "exoplanetary worker unit", with a still functioning cooling system inside that doesn't necessarily need extra oil to make it work unless under stressful conditions.... even if she probably does have worms and fleshy tentacles inside her now lmao. But either way Uzi's body is still a lot colder than the others so she's usually shared in the middle and at this point Uzi cant even be embarrassed when they slide their hands under her clothes and grab her wherever smh..... although V also does it as a semi possessive thing so there's that pfft. she was especially handsy after that doctor left XDDD.

Yes Uzi has very much in fact ended up at the medical/tech repair unit multiple times because N and V have sometimes ended up being a bit too much for her to handle- and the doctor [a character yall shall meet later] has absolutely had it. She had to literally sit the 3 down, explain to them their body differences via scans and the damages they may cause Uzi and it was basically the robot version of having "the talk" with your child- and Uzi wanted to die there and then.

Uzi sometimes just tells the two to drink blood from her- the first time they wanted to share oil they were scared about accidentally causing Uzi to overheat- but after a few times of trying it, they continued doing it more frequently either by kissing and regurgitating or taking turns to bite Uzi or vice versa. N and V typically don't use one another's oil because they already have high usage as it is, it wouldn't be efficient. admittedly N and V always have concerns when it came to biting Uzi- but somehow they found out Uzi actually enjoys it a little when they do it and well...they get ideas lmao- they just make sure to lick her indents clean with their regenerative saliva to make the AS work as little as possible on Uzi's body.

N really enjoys seeing his partners smooch..... for study purposes ofc lmao- actually he uses his visor to take pictures sometimes- let the man be a little horny in peace smh. and don't worry Uzi and V know all this- they just wanna tease him a little bit :p

Uzi and N usually chit chat while they are in the bed until they fall asleep- but V prefers to just hug Uzi on the side listening to them while they talk until she falls asleep too

they love going around in human based areas with shops and stuff to find books to read together or any other fun human stuff they can find- maybe table top games? lol- V goes for the sports stuff. she kinda wanna try hitting something with a bat...

[okayyyy so tumblr doesn't let me write any more XD i def have more ideas but oh well. also ill save the eNVy for another ask that i have in my inbox so you'll get that soon too :p]

[mysticworks]

Small moments ~ Lee Know x Reader

... this is my first writing for SKZ and I'm super nervous about it - open completely to making improvements. Hope you all enjoy !

D R A B B L E

Dating an idol is hard. But its the small moments you have together that make all the tough times worth it.

Genre: Pure Fluff

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Nobody ever said being with an idol was easy.

Finding time, was one of the hardest things. With Lee Know having hefty schedule after schedule, and somehow, during his time off, you'd always be caught up with work.

And that made it all incredibly, incredibly difficult. Difficult to plan vacations, or take restaurant trips. Difficult to even have a day solely in each others' presence. 

You’d often go months without date nights, have birthday celebrations over rushed video calls, making do with the spare moments that you had together.

You'd plan little walks in the park, or find an excuse to meet somewhere during work; like that time he was practising late for a music show, and you turned up to his practise room with a basket full of snacks.

Or when he turned up at your office, with a bouquet of flowers to make up for Valentine's day. Except he'd told your manager you were expecting a tiny guest in your family, (your manager didn't need to know this tiny guest was a rescue kitten) - and leaving work early that day became a matter of absolute urgency, which your manager didn't even try contending.

Sometimes he'd be miles and miles away performing to audiences of places you’d only ever dreamed of.

Sometimes he’d be right by your side, too deep in long overdue sleep to be woken up.  

And so… every moment was precious to you. 

The small comforts and little gestures, all accounted for a world’s worth of love.

And this was one of those moments too. 

Lee Know lay in bed beside you, your head resting against his toned chest. He had a lazy hand thrown across your waist, spooning you into his side, the other, lacing through your hair.

His long fingers curled around random strands before loosening again. 

You both lay with your eyes half closed, the dewy morning light beginning to seep in through the gap in your curtains as early hours came round once again.

The house was silent, your synched breathing the only known noise; the garden birds chirping, only secondary - background.

“Minho?” He only hummed lazily in response, not fully out of slumber and you felt the vibration from his deep sound run through the entirety of your body. 

“I love you.” 

You felt his arms tightening around you at your words, as if pulling you further and further into him.

Lee Know clutched at the duvet warming you both, proceeding to turn you on your side. 

You faced each other now, though still in his arms - his eyes swept across your face, taking in every small detail - he wanted to memorise each pore, each mole, each and every line etched on your face.

It would be a while before you could do this again. 

He placed the smallest of kisses onto your forehead; a faint peck that left your skin tingling. 

“Of course you love me, look at me.”

You gave his chest a playful thump, rolling your eyes. “You’re supposed to say ‘I love you too’, dummy.” 

He gave you a goofy smile, before pulling you into himself, his lips now brushing against your ear. 

In an almost silent whisper, he spoke the words you wanted to hear, “I love you too,” before deciding to add a playful, “sometimes,” at the end.  

That earned him another thump, before you both broke out into a fit of sleepy giggles.  

[moonydustx]

okay i take a medicine that if i don’t take i turn into a raging bitch and i just want to know how pedro would react if you forgot to take it and you are being mean to him without trying and at first he takes it to heart but then it dawns on him that you only act like that when you don’t take it ❤️ also i LOVE your writing so much it’s so good!!

Thank you very much for the request, I really hope you like it. I can really visualize Pedro as not only a very understanding person, but also the type of person who supports and accompanies your every need. Sorry for possible errors. ❤️

Bad day

Summary: Whose genius idea was it to leave a thousand problems to solve all at once? Or when a bad day makes you and your love realize that there is a small piece missing.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x F!Reader

Warnings: arguments and more arguments but with a fluff and happy ending. very brief mention of sex. reader takes medication. mentions the reader working in the fashion industry.

WC: 1.3k

requests | masterlist

You really didn't expect to wake up with the sun shining in your face. It wasn't normal for the sun to appear at five in the morning. You fumbled for your cell phone and felt your soul practically leaving your body when you saw the display showing that it was eleven in the morning. Shit, you were late.

Not paying much attention to being alone in the room, you rolled out of bed and straight into the shower, bathing yourself as quickly as you could. It was difficult trying to concentrate your body on getting ready while your mind thought about the delay, the models you needed to pick up, your appointment time, all the other problems in the universe. A lot of things, little time.

You stuffed everything you needed into your backpack and wearing the first clothes you found - which would probably make you lose your job at the studio - you descended the stairs like a hurricane.

"Good morning babe." You heard it from the kitchen and responded, not realizing that the answer had only remained in your mind.

Meeting, sketches, consultation. Who had the great idea of ​​scheduling everything for just one Saturday? As you ran from one destination to another, you felt your cell phone vibrate.

"Hey love." Pedro's voice echoed.

"Hey." you said dejectedly, while dodging some people on the sidewalk. "Something happened?"

"I wanted to know if everything is okay? You left, didn't talk to me, didn't even say good morning."

"I didn't answer?"

"Baby, you just flew through the living room door." you were sure you had answered. His voice sounded understanding at least.

"I'm sure... Anyway, is that all there is to it? I'm super busy right now."

"Okay, shall we talk later?" he asked and only an "Okay" left your lips.

As soon as the call ended, an avalanche of thoughts emerged. That would be a busy day and you still had material to deliver today.

The sun was already starting to set when you stopped in front of the door of your house. From your house. Despite having spent the day outside, there were still issues to be resolved, which already left your blood boiling.

When you open the door, you can find Pedro lying on the sofa, busy with something on his cell phone.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he set the device aside, giving you his full attention. "I almost didn't see you today."

"Everything's fine, just a lot of stuff to sort out. The fall show is coming up and there's still stuff to produce." you indicated the huge folder in your hand.

Without paying much more attention, you went to your office and dumped the folder under the table and began to organize some ready-made sketches, others still in the beginning.

"Did you eat today? I can make you something if you want." Pedro's requesting voice caught your attention. He was leaning against the door, analyzing you.

"I do not need it, thank you."

"Why do I get the feeling that something is wrong?" he asked, entering the room and dodging some scattered fabrics. "Is really everthing fine?"

"Yes." you replied halfheartedly, trying to refocus.

"Julia asked me to remind you to make an appointment with her." he warned, pulling practically the last thread of concentration that existed in you. "She wants to make sure everything looks right with her party dress."

"Yes. Remind her that we both have the same training, the same knowledge and I don't need her to be a babysitter about my choices." The words almost involuntarily left your lips. A small inner voice screamed at you have you gone crazy?

"What the...I'm tired, what the hell is happening to you today?" Pedro seemed indignant and there was some side inside you that wouldn't take away his reason.

"I need time and space to do my things. I'm sorry if I can't give my full attention to Julia or whatever, if I forgot to reply to your good morning today." your voice rose a few tones.

Pedro's face showed that it wouldn't end well. The voice in your mind was already begging you please shut up.

"Not everything is about you or the sudden lack of manners you decided to have."

"Pedro, I really don't want to talk about this right now. I'm full of work."

"You really don't want to talk about this, do you? You really don't want to talk about shit today!"

You tried to ignore the harsh tone of voice he had, one you weren't used to hearing. You thought about retorting, about asking for a little space, but you didn't understand what was going on in your own mind. You just watched him leave towards the room, while looking at your drawings again.

You tried to create, you tried to work but it seemed impossible. Some piece didn't fit, some piece was lost and your brain seemed even more lost, unable to find it.

What took you away from the focus you were trying to have on the pile of papers in front of you was a small noise a few centimeters away, right after another similar noise. You could feel the presence of Pedro, who remained just a few seconds behind you in silence, leaving you alone and without time to respond. When you looked up, the first thing you found was a glass full of water, next to your little pot of pills. Shit.

Since the name of the medicine was written in huge letters, the only thing you could read there was Guilty. That explained a lot about your day.

You turned the bottle of pills over in your hand, taking the necessary amount and let the weight on your conscience lay you down on the papers and wait a few minutes.

You could feel the effect take over your body, your mind, which was previously a mess, seemed to organize all the thousand problems into small folders, your vision was clearer than it had been at any point that day. There was a problem marked as a priority in your mind.

You went up the stairs and found Pedro concentrated, choosing a t-shirt to wear. His wet hair and the steam coming from the bathroom indicated that he had recently gotten out of the shower. Before he could see you, your arms wrapped around his waist and your face rested on his back.

"I'm sorry about today, I've been a jerk all day." your voice was muffled by the strength you used in the hug. "I don't want to blame the medicine, but I forgot about it today."

"It's okay, my love. I think I went a little too far too" he turned around, returning the hug you were giving him. His hands were lost in your hair, your face now resting on his chest. "Tough days, huh?"

"The closer it gets to the day of the fashion show, the more anxious I get." You pulled away to face him. "How did you know it was the medicine?"

"You always forget it in the sink, next to my shampoo, which I always forget too. Today I saw that my shampoo was missing its favorite companion. Besides, I like to keep an eye on you, young lady." He laughed, caressing your face. Your guilty look made it clear that everything wasn't okay. "Hey, it's okay to forget, besides, fights happen."

"It's not okay for me to be a complaining bitch."

"I understand, with so much going on, but one bad day isn't going to make me love you less."

"How can I thank you for this? Or, I don't know, apologize."

"A dinner, a wine..." he said in a suggestive tone, eliciting a light laugh from you.

"Really? That's all?"

"I mean, they say make-up sex is some of the best." His lips went down to your neck, but only placing a chaste kiss. "I'm kidding darling, you need a break, you need to lay that pretty little head of yours to rest."

"I just need you."

"Lucky for you, a shot of Pedro always goes well with wine." He laughed, quickly taking your lips to his. "I love you, mi vida"

[spacelazarwolf]

tldr scroll down to see my new plants.

this is a departure from my usual posts, it's a bit more like hybrid blog/diary entry, idk, but here u go.

for those of y'all who don't know, one of my hobbies is plants. i like to collect them propagate them, trade them, etc. and my favorite type of plant is aroids, particularly philodendrons. it was a very difficult hobby to maintain after the plant boom during lockdown caused plant prices to skyrocket, so for the past year or two i haven't relaly been buying that many new plants, and when i have it's just been from garden centers or local nurseries.

yesterday, however, i went to an aroid show where there was a vendor from south america who had brought a bunch of specimens people could purchase. they're a family owned business that focuses on protection and preservation of biodiversity and native plant species, and all their plants are ethically sourced, usually grown in their own greenhouses from propagations instead of taking them from their natural habitat and selling them. so obviously i had to check them out.

but this is where i sort of pause while writing this post, because i get really nervous talking about spending money, especially on here. i've frequently asked for help when i needed assistance getting my account out of the red or paying late rent, so part of me feels like it would be insulting to post about things i spend money on that aren't the essentials. but my plants make me happy. they give me something to take care of. they brighten up my apartment. they give me something to be excited about. so i'm just gonna tell you about my new plants.

about a month ago when i left my old church job, they gave me a gift card that the choir had pitched in for. i couldn't get cash out, use it for rent, or transfer it to my bank account, so i decided it would be my hobby fund. when i found out about the aroid show, i set aside a portion of that fund for plants because i knew that the specimens at the show would be significantly less expensive than anything i could find online or in local shops, and it might be one of the only chances i would ever have to actually buy some of my wishlist plants.

this is a philodendron esmeraldense. this is what they look like when the leaves get bigger and more mature. this is one i hadn't seen before so it wasn't on my wishlist, but when i was checking the vendors' stock last week i loved how it looked. i'm gonna put it on a moss pole and let it climb. the leaves probably won't ever get as big as the one in the linked photo, but i'm still excited to watch it grow.

this is a terrible picture but this is a philodendron patriciae. they get super long. this one’s putting out like two new leaves. it’s also a climber. the ripples in the leaves get more intense as it matures, so paired with the very long leaves it looks so cool. i can't wait to grow this one bigger.

philodendron pastazanum. it’s a crawler so i’ll be getting a window box to put it in so it has space to grow across the substrate. this has been on my list for a while but i couldn’t find it anywhere. the big heart leaves are just gorgeous.

this is a philodendron melanochrysum. the leaves can get huge. technically i already have a smaller one, but this one was just so gorgeous. i will probably end up planting them together on one moss pole. it’s one of my favorite plants, i am a sucker for velvety leaves. you can see one of the older leaves is getting ready to drop, and i think i'm going to try to make a project out of it.

philodendron tortum. it feels like the kind of plant that would have been growing while the dinos were around. it's very reminiscent of a fern, but it is also a climber. i had one like two years ago but i had to sell it to pay some bills, so i'm happy to have it back in my collection.

the one in the center. anthurium veitchii, or king anthurium. this one was kind of an impulse buy. i don’t usually do anthurium but it was cheap and looked incredibly cool. they look even cooler when they get mature.

what is a king without his queen. anthurium warocqueanum, or queen anthurium. i wasn't sure if i wanted to tackle this one bc it's notoriously hard to take care of, but it was very cheap so i took the plunge. these also get super long, and the velvety shiny leaves are so pretty.

monstera obliqua peru. this was a unicorn plant. it is difficult to find in the wild, grows slowly, and is hard to propagate, so it was mostly just passed from collector to collector until the plant boom during covid. nodes of this plant, literally just bits of stem you would cross your fingers and hope would root and grow leaves, were going for a thousand dollars and a single leaf up to three thousand dollars a year or two ago. and now i have a very full plant for only forty bucks. 2020 me is screaming. this specimen looks a little squished from the trek from south america to the midwest, but when it acclimates to its new environment, it's going to look so cool. this is another plant that has dino vibes.

and finally the grand finale. philodendron spiritus sancti. i honestly can't believe i'm typing this. this plant is considered to be one of the rarest philodendrons in the world - if not the rarest. it only grows in one place, and there are reportedly only 10 known plants left in the wild because of a combination of poaching and the excessive clearing of their habitat. it was another one that pretty much only existed in high level (wealthy) collections for a very long time. now, more specimens of this plant exist in private collections than in the wild, which makes ownership of this plant very emotional for me. this is a plant that was going for upwards of $14k for large specimens at the height of the plant boom. people were scrambling to get their hands on that one plant that no one could get, the highest prize, a bragging point. no one cared if they were getting it ethically. someone even stole a cutting from a botanical garden just to sell it.

this plant was not on my wishlist because i never thought i would even get to see in person, let alone hold, let alone own. and yet yesterday i picked it up, held it in my hands, saw the two digit price tag, and decided yeah. i think it's only fair that the money a bunch of presbyterians gave me should go to adding a plant called a "spiritus sancti" to my jewish plant collection.

it still doesn't feel real. i can just look over at my plant cabinet, and there it is. a spiritus sancti. bc for me it was never about having a big name plant in my collection. it was never about bragging or showing off or just checking names off a list of things i was supposed to want if i was into houseplants. this plant still exists because botanists and aroid enthusiasts have worked tirelessly to conserve it. and having this little piece of history and the world in my little plant cabinet feels more like a responsibility to me than a prize.

so yeah. those are my new plants. i'm excited to see them grow and still a little starstruck that i was even able to bring home the last two.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I have the headcanon that Leslie lived until 11, even if he had not super good scores, because he was a little genius of music.

Not everyone can create a song, not everyone can learn super quickly to play a music. I don't remember which song he wanted to learn before his deparature, but i think that it was a difficult one (we don't see him train a lot in the story too) and he plays it before going to the gate, without any partition to help him and without doing any mistake.

I headcanon that she demons keep all the little genius, even if they not have good scores and are genius in other ways, because they think that it worth to keep them.

A kid has not good scores but it a genius with drawing and creates super beautiful things? It's worth to keep him until the age limit.

Leslie is super good in music, learn quickly song and has not need of a partition when he plays? it's worth to wait until he's 11 (close of 12). It could also be a kid who has a beautiful voice ansd sings super well for exemple.

etc....

Norman was a genius in studies and stuff so they keep him beyond 12 by sending him to lambda but people can be genius in other ways that in studies. A genius can be super good in something but kinda bad in another things.

I feel like this is essentially canon, no?

The only birthdays mentioned in "The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List" are Isabella's twelfth birthday and Ray's sixth birthday, so contrary to what the wiki currently says, it doesn't look like Leslie was shipped out exactly on his twelfth since they don't celebrate or even mention it.

(Leslie's page on the TPN Wiki | TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 1)

They are among the oldest though since Isabella turns twelve within a year of his shipment while not being physically able to jump atop the wall as we see her do in chapter 37/S1 episode 12 yet due to the sprained ankle she sustains over the course of the light novel, in addition to spending weeks to months writing him letters that never received a response and what finalized her decision to make the jump in the first place.

(S1 Episode 12 | TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 8 | Chapter 9)

But it's still soon enough that she discovers the truth of the house during the night of the first snowfall of the year, which could be anywhere from late October 2025 to January 2026 (since the full score trio deduces in chapter 5 that Grace Field is located in [the demon world equivalent of] the northern hemisphere, in addition to "The Guiding Star" short story mentioning them planning on using Polaris to find each other again after they go off to foster homes, winter would be during this time of the year).

I'm inclined to go with January 2026 since we don't see snow on the night of January 15, 2046, and also because I feel there's some poignancy in what would have been Leslie's twelfth birthday month getting to Isabella as the final push to make her seek him out. He surely would have written her in response to the birthday wishes she mailed him. (This is also why I feel his shipment was after September 9, 2025 because him not sending her any birthday well wishes would have tipped her off sooner, too).

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 9)

This could be an oddity in the translation, but Isabella also mentions how her her twelfth birthday was close enough that they could mark it on the calendar while the snow was piling up outside. Assuming they put up a new calendar at the start of January, she discovered the truth only in 2026, and then spent over half a year trying to come up with some sort of plan to escape (and isn't there a wealth of potential there, thinking of the adversarial atmosphere between her and Sarah during those few months and how that would be replicated in the next generation between her and Ray, although not 1:1.)

I don't remember which song he wanted to learn before his departure, but i think that it was a difficult one (we don't see him train a lot in the story too) and he plays it before going to the gate, without any partition to help him and without doing any mistake.

He learned to play Nocturne No.2! Though the translator, c72684, wasn't entirely certain what larger body of work it belonged to.

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 2)

[twitchystitchwitch]

Author's Note: This is the first fic I am posting in ages, my cognitive function is a pathetic little rollercoaster so writing consistently is difficult. I'll be going back to edit later, possibly. It will be edited before I post it over to my AO3. I feel like the ending is kinda weak but I didn't want this evolving into a super long story. I'm glad I'm only a day late. * in the work indicate italics, I will go through and format later

Summary: The events in episode Not Lout of Race to the Edge go differently, and Snotlout faves his biggest fear the episode faces

Content warnings: permanent injury, internalized ableism, torture, blood, possible major character death (it is left open ended)

Characters: Snotlout Jorgenson, Ryker Grimborn, Viggo Grimborn, Hiccup Haddock

Word count: 5446

Finally, *finally* things were going right. Snotlout still wasn't one to think things through, but every command he gave on instinct seemed to be going right for once. He was going to show the others he had what it took to be a leader. He was going to show *Hiccup* that he had what it took to be a leader. And then, all at once, things were falling apart. He had stopped watching the anti-dragon artillery for a moment to argue with Astrid, and when he looked back it was already too late. Hiccup was too far away to hear him, and the large projectile was already headed right for Toothless.

So, Snotlout did what he always did best. He acted. He urged Hookfang forward, going to try and knock Hiccup out of the way again. He didn't see how close the weapon was to them, though, and before he was even close to knocking Toothless off of the weapon's path there was an impact. It didn't hit at the right angle to pierce Hookfang's scales, but it knocked him over and sent Snotlout flying from the saddle. They were too close to the ground to recover from it, but at the same time they were too far from the ground for the fall to be safe.

The ground came faster than Snotlout could have prepared himself for, and when he hit it the world went black.

Snotlout only knew that he'd been out for a matter of seconds thanks to the battle still raging. Up in the sky above him, his fellow riders were fighting harder than usual, and after a moment he realized why. He was grounded behind enemy lines, and Hookfang was flying in the sky riderless. Despite their efforts, though, there were too many things going on at once. The hunters had been prepared, and they had all manner of weapons to keep the riders in the air and away from their heavy weapons.

For once, Snotlout was patient. He watched as Hookfang repeatedly tried to dive down towards the ground to pick him up, only to be chased off each time. If nothing changed, then the other riders would continue to get held back by the hunters on the ground and the heavy-duty weaponry. Snotlout tried to sit up to look around and find a way to help from the ground, but he quickly realized something was wrong. He was able to push himself to sit up with his arms, but immediately pain shot up his spine from his lower back. As badly as his back ached and throbbed, though, the pain didn't extend down into his hips. His focus entirely left the fighting as he looked down at his legs. He had thought they were laying straight out in front of him, but one of them was folded out to the side and he hadn't even noticed it.

The realization that he couldn't feel his legs at all hit him hard, and immediately Snotlout began to scream Hookfang's name. He didn't want to be alone as the realization sunk in that he was seriously hurt. His calls were met with a roar, and when he looked up he saw Hookfang repeatedly flying towards the ground and then returning higher in the sky to escape arrows. He knew that if Hookfang kept trying to get to him it would only end with his dragon getting hurt or killed. His voice was higher in pitch than he meant it to be, and it wavered as he called, "I'm okay, Hooky! Fall back!"

Except he wasn't okay. Snotlout usually snapped at people when he was hurting, but out of the saddle and unable to get to his feet he couldn't do anything to ease the panic raging in his chest. *He had so much potential*. Those thoughts had haunted him since that stupid dream, and now it seemed like it was all coming true. His chest hurt as his heart beat faster than it ever had before, and Snotlout could feel a tight lump in his throat as he fought back tears.

In a desperate attempt to quell his panic Snotlout looked back up to the fight above him. It didn't do him any good, because he saw how much of a struggle everyone was having. Seeing his friends all narrowly avoiding danger and still making no progress in taking down the weapons on the ground Snotlout made another split second decision. He uses one hand to keep himself supported and cupped the other around his mouth to help his voice carry further, "I'll be fine! Go find the dragonroot and destroy it!" That was why they were even there in the first place. They would all probably rather finish the job and leave him if it meant they were safe, anyways.

Despite how certain Snotlout felt that they didn't truly care to save him he saw a moment of hesitation on Hiccup's face. Part of him hoped Hiccup would refuse and would keep fighting to save him. He didn't, though. After a moment, Hiccup gave a nod and called for the other riders to fall back.

Hookfang didn't leave, though. He gave a roar and made another dive for the ground to get Snotlout. He couldn't let his dragon get hurt because of him, though. Not again. He had already caused Hookfang so many problems in their time as dragon and rider.

"Hookfang, follow Hiccup and Toothless!" His voice was sharp and commanding that time, and he was relieved he could at least keep up the charade that he was fine. After a long roar of displeasure Hookfang turned and followed the rest of the riders as they retreated. At least Hookfang had listened to him for once.

The satisfaction of being listened to didn't last. Hiccup and Hookfang had listened, but they had listened to him asking them to abandon him. Snotlout was alone, and he couldn't feel his legs, and there were hunters everywhere. With the dragons and their riders disappearing over the horizon the hunters finally had a break from defending their position. The hunters also had a chance to see their prize. One of the hunters that had been manning the heavy artillery stepped down from his post and approached Snotlout. The hunter would have been far taller than Snotlout even if the rider had been standing, so with Snotlout stuck sitting on the ground he felt pathetically tiny compared to the hunter.

Despite the vulnerable position, Snotlout tried to keep up the brave act, "Stay back! You don't want to mess with me!" He didn't have anything to fight with, though. He was unarmed, and he couldn't even try to flee. The fact that he was trembling didn't make him any more intimidating.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do if I don't?" The hunter didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed Snotlout by the back of his shirt and hefted him up like a scruffed cat.

As Snotlout's heart raced the blood rushed in his ears and left everything sounding distant and muffled. Having his legs dangling limply and nothing supporting his back made the pain in his back spike. It felt like there was too much pressure in his spine, and he had to grit his teeth to keep from crying out. Through it all he still heard the hunter that picked him up start to guffaw. It was easy at first to think they were just laughing at him for being such a coward. The true reason became clear when the hunter spoke, though.

"What, are you so scared you pissed yourself?" The hunter's free hand pointed down at Snotlout's pants as he kept laughing.

Snotlout's stomach sank as he looked down and saw that he had wet himself. He hadn't even felt his bladder releasing or the wetness on his pants. He opened his mouth to try and argue, but all that came out was a whimper. He still couldn't feel or move his legs, and the realization made the whimper turn into a sob.

"Look at his legs, I don't think he was scared," every hunter that had been manning the ambush had gathered around to see their new captive dragon rider, and one of them pointed at the way Snotlout's legs hung entirely limp. "Must have fallen too far. That'll make him easy to keep."

Snotlout wished he had never sent the others away. He didn't want them to see him like this, but he didn't want to be alone. It felt like that dream was coming to life all around him. He wouldn't be able to ride Hookfang again, and he wouldn't be able to take over the dragon riders. He had come so *so close* to proving himself to Hiccup, and at the last minute he had ruined it all. He couldn't stop the sobs that escaped his mouth. He was blubbering and sobbing like a child in front of the enemy, but no matter what he tried to do he couldn't stop it.

As Snotlout continued to sob one of the hunters slapped him hard across the face. "Shut it, you're making my ears hurt."

Even as pain stung across his cheek Snotlout was glad that he had been slapped. It quieted the sobs that he couldn't stop on his own. Whimpers fought to escape him, but he was able to quiet them down by keeping his lips clamped together. The tears didn't stop, but it was easier to tolerate that. When he was sobbing he could hear how pathetic and broken he sounded, and he couldn't stand it. The tears running down his face were less grating on his own nerves.

"Who knows when the rest of them will come back, let's find somewhere to hide him for now," the hunter said. "Someone can send a message to Ryker that we caught a rider."

Just like that, Snotlout was dragged off to another series of storehouses on the island. He managed to stay focused on the hunters around him and listen in, and before long he discovered that the island they were on wasn't even the only place where they grew dragon root and produced the arrows. It was salt in the wound, that the victory the riders achieved was nothing but a farce. The ambush was so unimportant that Ryker and Viggo hadn't even been stationed on the island to handle things. They were days away by ship and doing other work.

As Snotlout was locked in an old store room he felt resentment build inside of him. He hated Hiccup, the whole thing had been his plan in the first place. The fact that Snotlout had encouraged the others to go didn't matter to him anymore. In his mind, they had abandoned him. Why wouldn't they? They had all been excluding him and complaining about him for days. This was probably a perfect opportunity for them to wash their hands of the only dragon rider who seemed to be causing problems.

The thoughts worked through Snotlout's mind, and with every passing minute he felt more angry and more *hurt*. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and eventually he had to start sobbing to keep the feelings from overwhelming him entirely. He had been tossed rather carelessly into an abandoned store room, and he laid there on his stomach and sobbed with his face pressed against the dusty floor. It felt like he was trapped in the room for an eternity with only the sound of his own sobs. His mind seemed intent to fill in the silence, though. He could hear Hiccup's voice, and Astrid's, even stupid Fishface's voice kept him company. They blended together until he couldn't make sense of who was saying what. They just mocked him and belittled him.

What made it all worse was that the words he heard in the voices of his fellow riders weren't just a repeat of the words from his dream. They were telling him he *deserved* to be in the situation he found himself in. He heard Hiccup's uneven gait, the soft thud of a boot next to the clunk of metal, approach him. Snotlout didn't bother to pick his head up or even open his eyes. Hiccup was there to mock him. He wouldn't save him.

"I knew you were a fuck up, Snotlout. But I'm surprised you could get yourself into a situation this bad. Maybe that's what you're talented at, causing trouble," Hiccup's words only confirmed the fear Snotlout had held about what the other thought of him for years.

Snotlout couldn't reply. He wanted to say something smart for once, or to find a really good insult to throw back at Hiccup, but he couldn't think of anything. He could only think of what he had lost. Hookfang would need anothed rider to make sure he could actually have a life. There was no reason for Snotlout to stay around.

Snotlout didn't want to admit it, but realizing he would be useless to Hookfang was more painful than anything else. It felt like Snotlout had lost the favor of his father and even favor from Stoic overnight when Hiccup convinced the chief to make Berk a place that was friendly towards dragons. Snotlout was no longer the key to the Jorgensons taking control of Berk, because the viking values that Hiccup had always lacked weren't crucial to leadership anymore. Snotlout no longer looked like a rolemodel Hiccup should aspire to be like. Through it all, though, Hookfang had come into Snotlout's life and become something he could work towards. Things had been rough at first, and Hookfang hadn't taken to Snotlout like the other riders' dragons had. It hadn't mattered, though. Because Hookfang stayed by his side even when the two were struggling. Hookfang had started to make Snotlout realize that love wasn't always tough. Looking back on how he had treated Hookfang at first made Snotlout's stomach twist, because it was exactly the way Spitelout treated Snotlout.

And now even Hookfang was probably going to leave Snotlout. That hurt more than any amount of knowing the other riders were happy he was captured. Snotlout pressed his hands over his ears and sobbed against the floor.

It felt like time didn't exist in that room. There was no way to see out, and the building itself was almost always silent outside of the room where Snotlout laid. Snotlout eventually ran out of tears to cry, and when they happened he just laid on the floor. He has given up entirely. He wouldn't try to find a way to escape. Why should he? He was better off waiting for the hunters to kill him than he was trying to get out of there. His life was over.

Snotlout felt so broken that by the time he heard someone approach the door he didn't even try to lift his head up. Several sets of footsteps sounded on the floor in the hallway, and they all stopped outside of the door that stood a few feet in front of Snotlout. He didn't stir, even when the door was pushed open and the people filed into the room.

Snotlout would have stayed where he was and ignored the hunters that had come into the room had he not been hauled up by his hair. He didn't just have his head lifted from the ground, he was picked up by his hair and lifted up entirely. A glance to the floor told him that his feet were several inches above the ground. When he looked forward he came face to face with Ryker.

The larger man looked at Snotlout with a sneer and a clear trace of disgust in his eyes. "Any hunter is better than nothing," the words were grumbled under his breath. Ryker's sneer turned into a scowl when someone else spoke up.

"You're right that this one probably doesn't know anything useful, but he will still be plenty useful to us," Viggo somehow always managed to sound delighted, even when he had no reason to. Snotlout was beginning to understand why Hiccup was so driven to take Viggo down.

Ryker changed his grip on Snotlout, holding him by the back of the shirt and turning him to face Viggo. Snotlout didn't say anything, and he hardly felt anything either. He wouldn't get to die quickly, but maybe his death would somehow make the other riders regret leaving him.

"Goodness, you look like you've given up already. Is it those legs of yours?" Viggo shot a pointed glance down to where Snotlout's legs dangled with his toes pointed limply to the floor. "I imagine it is a shame for a fit, young rider such as yourself to suddenly find yourself facing a lifetime of limitations. Then again, surely you all know this is a risk you're facing every time you get on a dragon."

The last sentence finally sparked something in Snotlout, and he wished it didn't. Tears he didn't know he had left welled up in his eyes and his lower lip wobbled as he tried to keep himself from crying in front of the leader of the hunters. No, Snotlout had never even thought about this as a risk of riding dragons. None of them had.

"My, that certainly upset you. My apologies, I didn't mean to hit a nerve. Regardless, you'll still be useful to me. Even like this," Viggo flashed a momentary smile that made Snotlout feel cold to the bone. Nothing could be worse than what had already happened, right? "Brother, you're free to do whatever you want to him until things are set up. Just don't kill him. And leave his face recognizable. We want our dear Hiccup to know it's him when the time comes."

Snotlout had heard Heather talk about Ryker before. About how sadistic and cold he was. Another spike of terror broke through the numbness and resignation that Snotlout had felt before. "Wait, wait, I can tell you about the other riders!" He didn't think before he blurted the word out, but for once it seemed like his impulsive decision wouldn't come back to haunt him. Viggo gave a dismissive wave as he walked away. He didn't care about Snotlout.

Ryker was silent as he moved to toss Snotlout over his shoulder and start walking. No pleas Snotlout made drew any response from him, and by the time they reached the room where Ryker had been taking Snotlout the rider was sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe.

A shock of pain drew a yelp from Snotlout as he was dumped into a wooden chair. His back struck the chair in a way that sent a spike of nauseating pressure and pain up through Snotlout's spine and into his neck and shoulders. For a moment he couldn't draw a breath in, and when he did the act of breathing only sent another shock of pain through him. Snotlout's sobs died into choked off whimpers as he tried to stop agitating his back. Try as he might, though, he couldn't stop his lower lip from wobbling. Even when he looked directly at Ryker his lip wobbled and tears shone in his eyes like he was a frightened child. He couldn't stop himself from looking past Ryker, though. The far wall had an arrangement of tools and weapons hung on it.

"They, they won't care if you have me. They left me here!" Snotlout tried to talk his way into a fast death. He knew immediately that it wasn't working, though.

"That may be true, but my brother has his *plan*. I suppose we'll find out soon enough," Ryker turned away from Snotlout and walked to the wall of weapons. "I don't often get someone I need to leave alive for only a few days, if I don't get to kill someone immediately I have to make sure they live for weeks. This will be fun." He considered his options for a moment longer before he chose a knife.

Snotlout's breathing had recovered enough for him to begin sobbing again when Ryker approached him. He hated pain and he hated being scared, but he had no way out of the situation. "No, no, please, you can just kill me! You can just kill me!" As his voice rose in pitch to a shriek he brought his hands. He realized how useless the motion was, though. He couldn't protect himself with only his hands, and he couldn't hope to fight Ryker off. Before Snotlout could try and do anything, though, his wrist was grabbed and wrenched forward so his arm was trapped and exposed.

Blind panic overwhelmed Snotlout, and he reached out to try and grab the knife that was being moved towards his forearm. He succeeded, but closing his hand around the blade cut into his fingers and drew a shaky cry from him. He grit his teeth and tried to wrestle the blade away from Ryker, but the man hardly seemed to put any effort behind his movements. Without more than an annoyed huff the larger man snatched the knife from Snotlout's fingers. He released Snotlout's other hand, but only for a moment. Without breaking a sweat he forced the hand Snotlout had grabbed at the knife with flat against the armrest of the wooden chair and drove the knife through his palm and into the wood.

Snotlout howled in pain, and immediately he reached for the knife with his other hand. His fingers didn't even get close enough to brush the handle of the knife before Ryker had returned to restraining his wrist. Snotlout didn't try to move his pinned hand more than once. The pain was too bad to even hope he could get free. He wanted to kick and struggle, but his legs didn't even twitch. He squeezed his eyes closed and didn't open them after Ryker pinned his free hand to the armrest. When he heard the sound of a knife being drawn from its sheath he began to tremble, and his sobs grew louder.

Snotlout's cries cut off into another scream of pain when a knife Ryker had kept on his belt was driven into his other hand. Through his own screaming he heard Astrid's voice.

"This serves you right, you know. This could have been any one of us after that last stunt you pulled," her voice was cold, and Snotlout didn't dare risk opening his eyes in case he saw her. "We're all *glad* that it's you. At least now you won't put any of us through this."

A slight ringing had started in Snotlout's ears, but it didn't dull out Astrid's voice at all. Between the ringing and how tightly he kept his eyes squeezed closed he didn't know Ryker was walking back up to him until he felt something press against the side of one of his forearms. His mind worked overtime for a moment as he tried to figure out what it was, but he didn't have long to try and figure it out. His already overwhelmed nerves screamed with more pain as the object pressed against his forearm was pressed down. As it was dragged from just below his elbow all the way to his wrist the pain it left in its wake didn't lessen.

Despite his previous conviction to keep his eyes closed a sick sense of curiosity won out. He cracked one eye open to see what was happening.

Bile rose in his throat, and he immediately wished that he had never looked. A strip of skin had been cut away from his forearm. Ryker held another knife in one hand. Its blade was bloodied. In his other hand he held a strip of Snotlout's skin. It had been separated cleanly from the muscles of his arm. The exposed nerves only seemed to hurt more the longer they were exposed to the air.

Ryker had been examining his handiwork, but when Snotlout made a pathetic, choked noise the larger man looked up at him. "I've skinned a man's whole body without killing him. I don't think I can get that far with you, but both arms should be easy to do." He dropped the strip of skin to the side and brought the knife back to Snotlout's arm.

He couldn't keep watching the carnage, so Snotlout looked away from his arm and past Ryker. Immediately he almost wished he had just kept looking at his arm, because just past the man torturing him was Hiccup. The stupid bastard had his arms crossed, and he was giving Snotlout a smug look.

"I guess this just proves I made the right choice. Someone who was made to be a real leader wouldn't have let any of this happen," Hiccup's voice was condescending, and a surge of anger overwhelmed the terror and anguish that had been plaguing Snotlout.

"You left me behind! A good leader would never do that!" His voice came out through sobs. Snotlout didn't care if he looked or sounded pathetic anymore, though.

Before Snotlout could see how Hiccup would respond Ryker stepped in front of him and cut off his line of sight to the other rider. The hunter's face filled his vision.

"Most people I've tortured see things, but they usually last longer than this. I wonder what state you'll be in by the time my brother needs you for his plan," the look in Ryker's eyes could only be described as delight. It made Snotlout squeeze his eyes closed and turn his head to the side, just to avoid having to look at the joy that was being taken from his suffering.

Unfortunately for Snotlout, things only got worse. It would be three days until Viggo's plan would be put into play. The first day Ryker skinned both of Snotlout's arms, one section at a time. By the time the last strip of flesh was removed Snotlout had grown catatonic. Without him fighting or screaming Ryker quickly lost interest. No one would come back to the room where Snotlout was being kept for the next two days. Snotlout didn't use the lack of surveillance to try and get free, though. Why should he try? He couldn't walk, so even if he managed to free his hands he wouldn't make it very far.

At some point, he had stopped hearing and seeing the other riders mocking him, and he hated the silence even more than the mocking. He was so alone. He began to think he was just going to die alone, sitting in his own filth with his open flesh festering. Then, the door finally opened. Neither Viggo nor Ryker had come to retrieve him. Instead, some nobody hunter Snotlout had never seen stepped in.

The hunter made a face as he entered the room, and kept his nose wrinkled as he approached the chair Snotlout was in. The hunter barely acknowledged Snotlout, and save for a few grumbles about the stench he was silent as he pulled the knives from Snotlout's hands and hauled him from the chair.

Snotlout didn't keep track of where he was carried or what was going on. He didn't care anymore. Even when his arms were bound to his sides and the rope dug into his exposed muscle he didn't try to fight. No tears welled up in his eyes, either. Everything felt so dry. His eyes, his mouth, even his nose. It had become painful to breathe.

Once his arms were securely trapped Snotlout was lugged out of the store house. For the first time in days he would see the sunlight, and it burned his eyes so badly he had to squeeze them closed. By the time Snotlout tried to open his eyes again he would see the same camouflage tarps that had been used to set up the trap that had gotten him into the situation in the first place. He was secured into a rickety chair that had been set up under the tarps.

Shortly after Snotlout was secured into the chair Viggo and Ryker would join the hunter that had brought Snotlout out there. Viggo was the only one to say anything.

"I was almost surprised how well the tarps worked before to set up an ambush, but an order I made for special materials was finished just in time for this new plan of mine. Did you know there could be fireproof fabric? It's really quite ingenious. And this tarp is too low to the ground for a dragon and rider to fit under. I believe this fabric will prove to be far easier to procure than dragon proof metal. This is a test run to see how well this plan works, and I may just get a chance to separate your leader from his Night Fury while I'm at it," Viggo laid the information out to taunt Snotlout, but the rider only watched him blankly. This plan wouldn't work, because Hiccup wouldn't come back for him. None of the riders would.

With his monologue done Viggo and Ryker would walk out into the open field where the arrows had been produced before. Nothing of their arrow operation remained anymore. *Nothing* remained in the field. It was empty.

For nearly an hour Viggo and Ryker stood in the field, and Snotlout waited under the tarp. He didn't even realize there was some speck of hope left inside of him until it died. Of course none of the other riders would risk anything for a failure like him. Especially not when he would be no use to them anymore. His gaze fell to the floor and he watched the grass as the silence dragged on.

Anothee thirty minutes later the silence was finally broken by the faint sound of wings flapping, and out in the field Toothless and Hiccup would land. It didn't make sense to Snotlout, because Hiccup had been the one to leave him behind before. Why would he risk showing up just to save Snotlout? Things only puzzled Snotlout more when Hiccup dismounted. Viggo, Ryker, and Hiccup were all too far away for Snotlout to hear anything that was said, but eventually he saw Hiccup move to start unbuckling Toothless' tail prosthetic.

Whatever sort of deal was being made was interrupted by a roar that Snotlout recognized. For the first time since the whole nightmare began he actually wanted to see someone he had considered a friend at some point. It was Hookfang's roar.

Snotlout watched as his dragon spread out his wide wings to coast as close to the ground as possible. With his momentum carrying him forward Hookfang would coast under the tarp. It was a tight fit, and if Snotlout had been in the saddle it would have been impossible, but with an empty saddle Hookfang managed it. Snotlout's attention left Hiccup, Viggo, and Ryker entirely as he cried out to Hookfang. His voice was a hoarse croak, but his dragon recognized it.

Hookfang grabbed Snotlout and the chair he was tied to as he flew by, and soon the dragon had carried him out from under the tarp. Snotlout was too dehydrated to cry any tears, but he was sobbing dryly as Hookfang flew past Hiccup and to a part of the island that had no hunters on it.

When Hookfang landed he was gentle for once as he lowered Snotlout to the ground. The dragon gave a low croon and sniffed Snotlout over. Even if the dragon didn't understand what was wrong, he seemed to understand that Snotlout was hurt. He gave another croon before blowing a small, weak flame at the ropes that bound Snotlout. The material caught on fire easily enough and once the ropes had burned through they fell away from Snotlout's body. He didn't care about how badly it would hurt, as soon as Snotlout's arms were free he hugged around Hookfang's snout and buried his face against the dragon's skin.

"I'm sorry, Hooky, I'm sorry... I can't ride you anymore. I can't be your rider," Snotlout's strength began to fade, and soon he couldn't even hug around Hookfang's snout anymore. The rider slumped to the ground under Hookfang. His sobs began to slow, and as he grew too tired to keep trying to talk he felt a gentle weight on his chest as Hookfang rested his head on his chest. That last bit of comfort was worth being kept alive. He wouldn't make it much longer, but Snotlout at least knew one living creature would miss him as dehydration and fever overtook him.

[player1064]

i’d be interested to hear about your planning process for your neville fic… how did you think about what would be included in each chapter? do you have a general timeline youre working on that you fragmentes and rearranged? i really love the fic and would like to know more about how you’re going about it!!

oooooooh good question.... short answer I DID have a plan but I'm in too deep now and we're mostly going on vibes

okay I started writing out the long answer and it's getting VERY long (sorry guys for being passionate about my silly rpf fic writing process) so I'm putting it under the cut

I was actually working on this fic for AGES before I started posting it, it started out I'd just write sections as I thought of them but then I got Very Deep into timelines and stuff so it's like

I've got a list that's got basic details of Gary & Becks' actual careers going by year so that's got like:

debuts for club/england

retirements for club/england

trophies won by manchester united between 1993-2013

personal awards/honours won

when Becks moved to different clubs

post-football career stuff like start/finish of coaching jobs, tv stuff, salford, miami, etc

Personal life stuff - breakups, meeting real life partners, weddings etc

Salford stuff e.g. promotions and trophies from 2014-present

(here's a screenshot actually kdghdfkjfsda... turns out I Love talking about this)

THEN as an aside to that list I've got notes of the key things that have to change for the AU to work - and specific dates of scenes that I could potentially write (still basic stuff e.g. for the chapter that's just gone up I had '2000 - bad season', '2023 - fight about documentary', '2021 - collapses at the euros', '2020 - weird pandemic conversation with carra')

I also have a page filled with random dialogue I've written without the full like Written Out Section bc I'm someone who thinks in conversations so I like having somewhere to dump all the conversations I'm imagining happening at various points in the fic... they don't all make it in for example here's part of the original valencia conversation gary & becks were going to have:

Then I've got a list that goes year by year which is less focused on Events and more on like their emotional journeys and what their relationship situation is at any given point.... trying to see if there's anything on that list that wouldn't give spoilers i THINK this one has mostly all been covered at this point:

yes there is still more to come. SORRY this is so insanely detailed but this fic has consuming my every waking thought for months. so.

so before I started posting it, like I said I was just writing sections as they came to me. I keep them in onenote rather than word bc then they're separate pages which is easier to navigate quickly and find what I want as I'm going.

I actually wasn't sure if I was gonna do the mixed up timeline or go straight chronological order but I think going chronilogically would be difficult bc there are some parts of their lives that get a lot more weight and attention than others and some that get skipped over just bc they're not super relevant to the story. so instead they're organised kind of by theme.

SO how I decide what's going in each chapter is like I had a vague outline of what I want the sort of Journey through the fic to look like, which is basically (again no spoilers so JUST for what's posted so far):

(ALSO actually reading through my notes on this I've gone slightly off course lately bc these things sort of get away from me. so this is a good reminder to myself that I did at one point have a plan that I was quite happy with and I should try keep it in mind)

1: establish the main things that have changed in this universe (not being sold to madrid and getting together when they're very young)

2: this bit is harder to explain but it's like. part of it is sort of highlighting different points where their paths diverged from real life and part is just like they're happy and in love but the outside world keeps creeping in - Becks getting more and more famous, Gary feeling like he can't keep up, the difficultes of being a gay footballer.

3: Jamie's coming in and starting to mess things up

4: issues they're having with their careers sort of seeping into their relationship and making everything a lot harder than it needs to be.

again I've not read through these notes recently and now I'm thinking I probably should have - I've just been going with the vibes which sometimes u need to do it's not a bad thing BUT anyway I just saw this note I made and I really really like it I think it's a good summary of the fic as a whole kfdhjgkdfs

GUESS WHAT I'm still not done. Yes this is insanely intricately planned out yes like I said the last couple of chapters I've mostly just been going by vibes rather than the actual plan I actually had. For example turns out I had never intended to write that second jamie interlude. oops!

SO like I said I keep all the sections as individual pages in a section of a onenote notebook and those I keep in chronological order for easy navigating. Then I use notion's board view and I've got the date of each section as a card that I can easily drag and drop between columns representing chapters so that I can organise how I want them to flow and I can reorder things until I'm happy with them:

and then after obsessively researching every single section for historical accuracy I just kind of. throw it all together and post it and hope for the best........

THANK U FOR THIS ASK btw!!!!!!!!! it was really really fun trying to explain all of this and I'm sure it looks like a complete mess (this isn't even including all my random scribbles in notebooks omg) but yeah. I really really love writing this fic I love this universe I love imagining them happy and in love I wish I didn't have to give them so many problems but as I'm always saying I LOVE pain and suffering!!!!

[dollwrites]

Hi doll since you said you didn't want your page to be political you can totally not post this if you want but I wanted to say I've been feeling the exact same as you. Ever since election night I've been devastated, I've had this hollow heavy feeling in my chest ever since. Its honestly thrown me into such a dark space, I'm absolutely terrified for women right now. And the lgbtq and poc. Like you I've loved dark fics for years now and I watch cnc type content and read noncon etc. But recently it's too much for me ☹ the way men are chanting your body my choice and the way I've seen men online literally plainly admit they are going to start raping women... I can't anymore, it makes me sick to my stomach, it feels too real now. And I feel sad about it too, it's like they've taken something I really enjoy away from me, taken away something that I've enjoyed for years. I dont know when I'll feel okay engaging in this type of content again, I hope it's not the full 4 years he's president. And just to be clear I'm not asking you to stop writing content like this, you're my absolute favorite writer and I feel like you're the absolute best at dark content, I'm just venting I guess 💔 take your time returning to writing, this is a really hard time for alot of people right now. And please stay safe

Hi my love, I’m sorry that it’s a bit late but I do still want to post this! It’s important to me because we’ve been having similar feelings on this topic. I just said in an answer like 3 minutes ago that I try to keep reminding myself not to let them take things I love away from me, but with cnc / noncon / darkfic it’s really really difficult. Still, I think it’s important to remember that love for darkfic or cnc or noncon in fiction is a part of you, and no Male has the power to take any piece of you !!! Of course, it’s easier to say something, but putting it into practice and attempting to find enjoyment in something that has since been bastardized is way harder. I am rooting for you, babe. I’m rooting for us !! If you get back to darkfic tomorrow, that’s awesome, if you never do, that’s okay too! I just hope that you don’t let them take away something that you were not ready to let go, if that makes sense. I don’t want Them to win 😡 which is why I’m still trying to find muse, albeit a little at a time. I want you to also stay safe !! 💚 even though my blog isn’t super political my inbox is safe for you to vent or rant or voice any feelings.

[pbandjesse]

Today did not feel as horrible. I was able to not think about it as much and while it was still in the forefront of my mind I spent more time looking into actionable things and trying to learn what was the most important thing to focus on as we prepare for whatever the future holds. So it was a little easier to not cry all the time.

It also helps that I slept better. I was just so exhausted that it wasn't even really a problem to fall asleep. And I woke up this morning I was a little overheated but I was doing okay. My stomach hurts but I definitely felt more movement that I could possibly attribute to baby. Unclear still. It is so hard to tell. But I was at least in better spirits.

I was nervous about the field trip. I'm always nervous about the field trip. But I got to camp after James walked me to the car with my bag with my change of clothes for the museum. And it was fine. I listened to a podcast. There wasn't much traffic. It was a Nice morning.

I didn't go early like I had yesterday but there wasn't a lot of setup to do so it wasn't a huge deal. I got everything ready and then drove over to the lodge weeded for parents. But they weren't coming. For a really long time.

I don't know why schools go rogue. And just decide to make their own schedules and tell people whatever information they want. Like I get that this field trip has been done for a very long time at some of these teachers have been coming for forever. But we sent them a whole Google folder with all of the information and the schedule and all this and then they don't communicate. Because even though I told them to be there an hour before the children they told the parents to be there half an hour. So of course they didn't start showing up till 9:30. And so from 9:00 to 9:20 I talked to my dad on the phone. Which was really nice. It was nice to hear from him and hear about some of the progress he is attempting to make. And he also told me that my mom is doing pretty good and I am very proud of her for all her hard work in trying to get her health straight. But these parents did not come in a timely manner

which then makes walking them to each site and explaining all the materials super difficult because I have to kind of rush. And then I find out that the teacher had given them last year schedule where it was four groups instead of five. So then I didn't have parents for all the sites so I had to split up two of the parents It ended up being fine. And the mom that took over tools was great and so it was not a problem. But I was just very frustrated that this teacher just gave all different kinds of information to these groups.

And because they came a little late I was still showing three stations their stuff when I heard the bus. So I had to call Elizabeth and be like please go catch the bus and get them inside and I'll be over there soon. And it ended up being fine but I was like 10 minutes after they had already sat down wandering in. I like ran across the field. And I don't run. And in my state I also do not run extra hard. So I was mostly power walking but still.

And as always the group was wonderful so they made up for all their nonsense. The teacher was able to pivot to five groups pretty quickly and separate out some kids and there was only minimal meltdown when they found out they were different numbers and they were expecting. And I did my intro and then they were off.

And then as soon as they were out into the world one of the teachers approached me and is like oh and we need to leave at 1:30. A full half an hour earlier than is what's on my schedule. So I had to quickly do a whole bunch of math to figure out how to make all the programs smaller. Which led to some 20 minute programs and some 25 minute programs. And then I had to run around to every single site to write all of the new schedule times on the parents schedules. And of course I messed them up a little bit. But it was fine. And I was a little out of breath but I was doing okay. Even though I was sweating.

I ended up sitting on the same downed tree that I've been sitting on for the last couple field trips. It's kind of central and I can see almost all of the stations and if anyone needs something they know where I am. And I just worked on my knitting and it was a good time. I would get two squares done while at camp and then later in the day three more while I was at the museum. A very productive day.

I would walk around to the sites and check on the groups and the parents were doing great so I didn't need to step in or worry too much. I checked on the two teachers as well and everyone seemed really happy. And the kids seem to be having a very good time. A couple of them said this was the best field trip and that always makes me feel good. And it was a beautiful day. Still very concerning for November. But a beautiful day nonetheless.

And honestly them being done at 1:30 worked out because then I could leave at 2:30 like I wanted to to get to the museum and not be horrendously late. I had planned on getting there at 3:30 with Jesse and it was going to work out. Excellent.

at the end of the field trip I did a quick closing and then got them on the bus so that they were on their way at 1:30. And they mostly cleaned up. They were really interested in the artifacts I had laid out on the table that I sometimes have time to get to but I didn't today. So they were excited to touch the mink pelt that I have. Which I just always tell them is a weasel. And once they were gone I texted Sarah and she said she would be over soon to help me clean up.

I cleaned the bathrooms and started put the chairs away when she came over and we got all the tables cleaned and put away and I started sweeping and then we finished that together. And I had to go and check all the sites before I left and figure out where the last two walkies were. And thankfully I found them. I always get very stressed when I don't have all seven of my walkies that I started with at the end of the day. But we found it and I stopped in the office to plug those in and chat with Heather and Alexi for a moment made sure that I knew what was expected for the next field trip with Elizabeth. There's only one more field trip this month and it's not until the 21st so I have all next week to do nothing and that's probably for the best. I have other stuff going on.

When I got in the car I had two Capri Suns and an applesauce and was checking the GPS and it was going to take me approximately 50 minutes to get to the museum. Traffic and everything. But it was fine. It would still put me there at like 3:25. So I start driving and it's a perfectly fine drive and I'm enjoying my podcast and it's beautiful day

And then I am about 10 minutes from the museum. Right at the end of 83. Exit 3. Which is closed. When I all of a sudden hear the sound. Because I had run over a huge bolt of some kind. And I had a flat tire immediately. And it was really scary. I have never gotten a flat tire on the highway by myself before. I've gotten a flat with James when we were driving to Philly that one time. But I have never been alone and I have never been on the highway. So I pulled into exit 3 because it's closed right now so there's a bunch of cones and I thought would make me visible. And I tried not to panic. I tried to be as calm as possible.

I called James three times and they did not pick up and I was very upset and so I texted them real quick in case they were in a meeting and they could just look down. And then I called Jesse. Because I was supposed to be there in like 20 minutes so I needed to let him know but also he was in the building and could go find James.

And that ended up being a very smart way to approach this because they were able to find James very quickly and James called me right away and then sent me the AAA information. I was getting a little freaked out in the car because every time someone drove past me the car shook because people drive way too fast on 83. And eventually I was able to pull up just a little bit more and it didn't happen so often. But I still hated being under the bridge on the highway. It was scary.

The AAA lady was really nice though. And she put me down as a priority because I was on an interstate and they had someone out to me within a half an hour. Which the last time we called AAA when we were at the apartment it took almost two and a half hours for them to catch to us because it was on our street but I really appreciated how quickly she got someone and they send you a little link where you can watch the truck driver on the map so you know where they are and it gives you a ETA. So that made me feel a little more comfortable just knowing that someone was in fact coming.

I did eventually get out of the car so I can move everything from the trunk for the market into the back seat so that we could get to the spare easier. And that did make everything a lot faster when the very nice man came to change the tire. His name was Harry. And he was very kind.

It was entirely too loud on the highway for us to like chat but he told me he could see the nail but then when we took the tire off it had like edges so we're pretty sure it's a bolt but it's pretty gnarly. And he has to buy was close to home and I said yes but I'm actually going to work and I would go slow because the spare has a 45 mile per hour limit. I thanked him for being so nice and quick and that I had been so scared because this is my first time with this happening. And then he said I was all good and to get the tire fixed ASAP.

I texted James to let them know that I was done and I would be at the museum soon. And I got over there by 4:30. It was not as late as I had feared when this had all started.

And Jesse of course was super chill and cool. James walked with me up to the education office so that I could use the nice single stall bathroom to get changed and clean up a little bit. And I felt a lot better once I did that. And then it was just checking with the caters and the event organizers and it would be a really lovely evening.

James left and I talked to Blue and Jesse. Blue is the security guard we have right now because apparently there was more security guard drama because one got fired and then another one quit because they were made to feel uncomfortable by someone. And Blue used to be our security guard but is now a supervisor and he's a really nice guy but he has to work 16-hour days if he comes to our museum because they have him at another site earlier in the day. I hope they have a new replacement soon because we have to have a good security guard.

And it was a really nice night. Everyone was really nice and it was an event for economics and like housing and everyone was just super kind and just so happy to be there after how depressed we all were yesterday it felt like an actionable evening.

And because everything was super chill I was mostly able to just stay at the desk and it and eat my sandwich that I brought with me and I had some of the hors d'oeuvres. But mostly I just played around on TikTok and knit and chatted.

I would make some rounds and make sure that everything was what the organizer was hoping for and nobody needed anything. I really like feeling like I'm very confident in my job and I think that I am getting to that point in this role and that's really nice. And then people look at me and ask me questions and I can tell them the answer and feel confident in that answer.

at the end of the night as people were leaving I was knitting and people came over and asked me about it and was able to show them the project and then like 10 people were around the desk asking me questions about my art and I got to show them my stickers and talk about my other projects and just all the good stuff that's going on and it was just nice to share some positive stuff and feel like things were okay and the people around us were good.

We cleaned up and got everything reset and me and blue walk down the building. I got some hugs from the catering staff which was super cute and then it was time to go home. And that's where I am now.

I am very ready to rest. Me and James are discussing how we will get the tire fixed tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't take absolutely forever. Sometimes it's really rough dealing with the dealership.

But now it is time for rest. I hope you are all feeling a little stronger. A little like you are ready for tomorrow. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[eusuntgratie]

Fic Writer Q & A!

tagged by @cuprun thank you !

How many wips do you have currently?

i have 6 kiss prompts left, 2 rnm fics started, and 8 bigger/in progress wips across 3 fandoms, i think. i have many many many more documents in various degrees of disarray but lots of those will never get finished.

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish?

elliot x marco is definitely giving me some hell. i don't know the characters as well as i'm used to and i also started with vibes but tripped into plot which always causes some chaos. i have some great notes from a friend to get it back on track but i also struggle with having multiple wips across multiple fandoms and having very little time to actually write.

firstprince exes is also challenging bc its outside pov which makes it difficult to tell some parts of the story, but i really love that one and i'm determined to finish it i just need to focus on it (and stop starting new wips)

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

i get ideas everywhere all the time. i'm getting better at letting some of those go and trying to focus on the ones i have more motivation to write. i do keep a giant doc of ideas to come back to.

sometimes i get a huge burst of inspiration and could sit down and write for a really long time, but i just don't have a lot of free time available for writing. i write more and better when i have bigger chunks of time, but that's frequently in the evening when i'm tired and its harder to write.

if i have the inspo and get in a good zone i can sit down and write write write, but those opportunities are pretty rare lately!

Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?

it depends. i'm not great at creating playlists but they do help my writing process a lot. i love having them but i don't always make them. i do listen to them while i write but will also listen to them throughout the day if i hope to have time to write later because it will get ideas percolating and get me in the right headspace.

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?

i do a lot more planning now than i used to. i do typically just dive into a scene to get the feel for it and see what the characters are like and want to do. i don't do super organized outlines but i do usually plan out the rest of the fic in just sort of casual notes spread out visually by scene. i like doing that because then i can work on the fic out of order and i can throw in notes and ideas as they come to me. longer fics i do more planning, but still leave room for things to change, or new ideas, etc.

tagging: no pressure tagging @voxofthevoid @jbarneswilson @taste-thewaste @firstprincehornyramblings @onward--upward and open tag for anyone who sees this and wants to do it!

[across-violet-skies]

hey!! I'm going to be taking a (hopefully) short hiatus from posting fic. I've been sick a lot lately and I think all these deadlines I'm setting for myself aren't helping! I really need to fix my life up before I can focus on making things postable :(

I'll still be writing occasionally during the hiatus! I'll probably post snippets and stuff, but it might be a couple weeks before I feel ok enough to come back and post full fics again. super sorry about this, and no current projects are being abandoned!!

and, as many other people are, I will be going back to school at the end of the month. I also have 2 jobs. so....... I will do my best to have time to write and create, but it'll be difficult to find a lot of time. just something I want to note!

more details on specific projects/scheduling plans under the cut!!

Linked Company AU

this will NOT update every week. I now realize that was way too ambitious considering the average length of the chapters, so it will more likely end up as a monthly update (depending on how much time I have!)

Linked University AU

this also won't update every week! again, too ambitious. this AU will probably be more random since I'll be putting more time into the lethal company AU. expect possible monthly updates? likely less than that, depending on time and inspiration.

Hyrule-centric fic collection

please I have so many ideas on how to ruin this boy's life. many of them are half-baked. I'd like to try and finish some of them up, or at least flesh them out a bit more! hopefully, I'll have time for that soon. if I had to guess, I'd say a new oneshot will likely come out toward the end of august :3

wips

this refers to Another Link in the Chain and Things Still Left to Say. both of these have plans to be finished/added on to! .....just not...... not solid plans. but I will finish them at some point. these are more of a "whenever I'm inspired" rather than a "I'm choosing to work on this", so it's unpredictable. who knows!

podfics

I have one in progress! I would like to finish it before my roommates move in, lol. we'll see if that ends up happening (please please please please-)

art

I have a half-finished piece for the queering the chain event!! ........although at this point, I'm not sure if it counts. I'd like to finish it before school starts at the end of august, but it may not be done for a bit. I don't draw often and faces are the death of me always <3

I think that mainly covers it!!! if you have any questions my asks are open <3

[a-pale-azure-moon]

I'm a day late on this, but happy 5th anniversary to FE3H, the game that unexpectedly rewired my brain chemistry!

I've been a Fire Emblem fan since I first played Blazing Blade back in 2003 (yes I'm old), so when 3H was announced, I immediately pre-ordered it. I purposely stayed away from rumors, leaks, and most official information about it because I wanted to enjoy it spoiler free. (Much of Fates got spoiled for me and I didn't want a repeat of that.) The most I indulged in was watching the trailers for the individual houses when they came out. And that trailer. You know the one.

So I got the game shortly after launch, once Amazon shipped it to me, and I had no idea which House I was going to pick. I was slightly leaning towards the Golden Deer, largely from Claude's design and how he seemed "different" from previous FE lords, but I was truly undecided when I started. It was really a coin flip between the Lions and Deer right up to the point where the game forces you to choose. What ultimately made me pick the Blue Lions was actually Mercedes; I wasn't aware that recruitment was a thing yet and her Live to Serve skill stood out as particularly useful to me. Healer who can keep herself healed? Yeah, I want that on my team!

If I'm being honest, I didn't find anything about Dimitri particularly special right away. I certainly liked him, mostly because of his amazing voice (thank you Chris), but I recognized him as a Marth clone right from the start, so a lot about his character felt "generic" to me at first. The tone around him was considerably more somber compared to previous lords, and I was curious about why that was so, particularly since the timeskip trailer had spoiled that he goes through a dramatic transformation later in the story. So I was paying close attention to him as the game unfolded, but it wasn't until his breakdown at Remire in chapter 8 that it hit me just how radically different he was compared to previous Marths. That's where I got super invested in his story and started sacrificing sleep to play the game so I could find out what happened next. By the time I finished, my whole brain had been transformed into this:

(I forget where I first saw this image, so my apologies to whomever made it.)

2019 was a difficult year for me; my mom was going through some health issues, and my dad wasn't being particularly helpful in the ways she needed, which left me to pick up the slack (my older sister lives out of state and was/is busy with her three kids). I was also still trying to break out of a festering creative slump that had gone on for way too long, but changing that mindset is hard, especially when you've convinced yourself that everything you write sucks (and that therefore you suck).

So 3H and Azure Moon in particular wound up being a great comfort to me through an emotionally draining year (and then the pandemic hit...). Dimitri's story and character arc resonated with me in all the right ways, and it lit a new creative spark inside of me, the likes of which I hadn't felt in a long, long time. I almost wish I hadn't picked the Lions first, because the other routes wound up being a big disappointment to me when they failed to reach the same emotional high. I think I would've become a Lions stan even if I'd saved their route for last. It left THAT strong of an impression on me. I mean, I became obsessed enough that I wrote a freaking book, lol.

I'll be the first to admit that this game isn't perfect; some of its mechanics are wonky, classes aren't well balanced, there's not enough map diversity, Maddening Mode was definitely not properly play tested, and there are genuine flaws in some of its writing. I won't even get into the trashfire that is 3H discourse (which is somehow still a thing after all this time). I don't even think it's my favorite overall game in the series, but it's in my top 3 with Awakening and Path of Radiance. But the impact the game left on me is difficult to understate. I'm so happy it's a thing that exists and that it helped guide me to my current path.

[livsspecialinterests]

don't really know what I'm writing or why but it's 0350am and I'm sitting in bed unable to get back to sleep having a weird slight panic

idk whether I'm feeling a bit of a writing slump because I know that the dead should stay dead still has quite a way to go and some part of me worries that by the time I've gotten at the very least to the next big plot point a lot of people may very well have lost interest in the fandom

like I know it's silly because there's probably always going to be some sort of fandom around BJTM but this little community means so much to me and has meant so much to me during a really difficult and life altering time, I mean for gods sake I started writing fics to try to figure out my own meltdowns

plus at this point I really have no other strong interests, idk maybe I'll get super into Doctor Who again with the specials and the new series starting but I've really gone hard on the One Interest

I really love the last few chapters of the dead should stay dead but it's felt a bit different writing them. maybe it's because I feel a little guilty spending whole days on chapters when I've got so much that I need to do for work (I know it sounds sad but there's exams, portfolio etc), plus I'd really like to give writing original fiction another go

there's also that gnawing fear that the fandom is going to like... vanish, which again is probably not true in its entirety but once the tour ends I can see some people falling off or finding another thing

also people leaving or drifting away from the fandom is a completely okay thing to do I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad if that's what they want to do

it's also not to say that people are obliged to engage with or comment on my fics or hell even read them, of course no one *has to* do anything in fandom it's a bunch of people just having fun

I know I should just write for my own fun and enrichment but external validation is nice, okay? plus these past few weeks the external validation and thinking 'no, I want to write this for the people who are reading the fic and want to know what happens next' have been big motivators

my main motivator used to be this absolutely unstoppable creative drive and love for the show and it's characters (which is still there, I'm unfortunately going to love this silly show until the day I die I think) but this past week I've found that I'd rather study for my work exams than spend time writing a few paragraphs

if I cool it off a little with the frequency of chapter updates it'll probably be a net good for me, I really need to buckle down and get these exams passed, I need to start actually engaging in planning my career because I think in my head I've been thinking I might get a book published one day and as a result I've been sort of half neglecting the actual really decent career I've got

but also my mental health is so much better, I've mostly healed from a lot of my late diagnosed autistic trauma, plus work is actually quite good right now?

maybe more of my writing for BJTM fics was motivated by being mentally ill than I originally thought, and maybe I don't *need* to write fics anymore but I want to and I want to still love writing fics as much as I did back when I was having that difficult time, where it was a huge personal comfort to be able to write Beej having a hard time in very specific ways and have other people comfort him

I have said to my husband that I'll probably cool it with the fics once I've finished the dead should stay dead and am going to focus my creative energy on something original to see where that goes but there's still so much to go on the dead should stay dead..

that silly little fic has become like my baby, I want to write it all, flesh out the characters before the next Big Thing happens, I want to do my ideas justice but I also want to make sure there are people still in the fandom to read it once I get to that point

again I'm super tired it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling, I don't want to imply that anyone reading this should carry on reading something they don't enjoy, and I don't even think the number of people reading the fic has even gone down, I've just woken up this morning full of dread for the fandom changing because, fandom and interests wise, BJTM is kind of all I've got right now.

I didn't really belong to a fandom for years after BBC Sherlock ended and I realised while watching the 4th series that it wasn't that good there was just a very passionate fan base and that's what I likes (I know, I know), BJTM was the first thing I got really into for ages and the first thing I got really into while figuring out what it was that I got *really into* stuff (autism)

obviously no one has to stick around in a fandom for the benefit of a silly autistic fanfic author whos terrified of change, and please, please don't think that's what I'm implying or what I want

ughh idk what I'm even writing, I should probably just reach out more to people but doing that is scary without the buffer of a fic

I should also probably invest more time in doing stuff irl but I know that no hobby gives me the joy that writing gives me, like when I'm really vibing with something there really are few better things for me than being safe at home and writing

also maybe I should try to get into some other stuff but I don't really want to but equally I know the BJTM fandom isn't going to last forever I just.... 🙃

the silly musical and the silly community that has sprung up around it and making art and writing fics for it has saved me in so many ways I'm just scaaarrreedddd (and also tired and typing this at 4am so I might be being dramatic for nothing, plus I know I struggle with assuming any fleeting emotion is going to last forever, maybe I'll feel different in a weeks time idk)

anyway I'm going to try to get a little bit more sleep because I've got to be up for work at 6 for my actual grownup job that I should probably pay more attention to

(this is also totally not some way to subtly say I'm not going to finish the dead should stay dead BTW, I love that fic and I'm proud of what it is and what I've got planned for it, so to the people who are still reading please don't worry 💜)

[fyonahmacnally]

20 Questions Game

I’ve been tagged by @sssammich and it’s hard to say no to sssammich. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am procrastinating on something. Not at all.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 14

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

348,153 (most of those are one fic – 234,645)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At present, just Supercorp, but I do have an unfinished Wynonna Earp fic in the mix.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Home (part of a series)

2) Conversations (continuation of series above)

3) Carterhaugh-Wood Academy (CWA – Fae AU)

4) I Wish it Was Me

5) Kiss Me in the Rain

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I try to respond to all comments because anyone that takes the time to read my work and let me know they did is worth my time. I value and appreciate the comments.  

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

HA. Well, I don’t write a lot of angsty stuff. I am working on venturing into some angst since I tend to lean more into fluffy stories with a few twists. Hopefully I will be branching out into some angst with happy ending type stories. We shall see.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tough to say…LOL. So far, all of mine have happy endings. I have one that is open-ended because I am planning a sequel, but yeah…pick one. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far, not really. I did get a mildly rude comment once, but overall, everyone has been kind.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. I’m not sure how I would classify it? It’s not strictly vanilla, but not too adventurous either. At least not yet? It’s a work in progress. I’m still finding my footing in that arena. ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not exactly? My fae AU has Diana Prince and Felicity Smoak as secondary characters, but I think that’s the only one that I’ve brought in from outside the show. I’m not opposed to writing them, it just hasn’t been part of any ideas yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hmmm, not that I am aware of…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I am aware of…though I would be flattered and honored if asked.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

One that has been published already – no. I am co-writing one with some friends right now though (@lovesastateofmind1 & @chaotic-super - I'm looking at you).

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Supercorp, hands down. There hasn’t been another ship that has grabbed me by the neck like they have.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

HA – Easy. My Wynonna Earp fic. Unfortunately, I lost the momentum/interest in it and have no plans to get back to it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummm, descriptive writing, creating imagery? Not sure.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting too far into the minutiae of things, being impatient with story development.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven’t done a lot of it. I used a version of combined Irish & Scottish Gaelic in CWA – Fae AU and haven’t used it much since. It was fun to do though and I will likely use it in another WIP I have brewing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wynonna Earp. I was very late to the world of fanfiction and fandoms, but really enjoy it.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

That is a very difficult one to answer. I say it would be a close race between the Home Series and CWA. I think I am most proud of CWA.

No pressure to anyone I tag to answer. Love and light, y’all!

@trashpandato @spaceman-earthgirl @someoneyouloved93 @whatawks

[bloodsalted]

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : dixon. been going by it for too long to change it. thought about it a couple times but it's stuck with me for a handful of years now. oop! also not my real name.

PRONOUNS : she/her/numbnuts/idc!

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : i lose track of tumblr ims very easily. discord is preferred and i will give it to any mutual that might want it!

NAME OF MUSE(S) : dean winchester is my main. i have jack kline @lasthymn and a human oc that gets demon possessed kinda dual muse at @unscriptured . my multi is low activity atm and i'm just replying to what i got at the moment. my spn brainrot is very real.

BEST EXPERIENCE : meeting all the people i have here and enjoying our time together. hanging out with @hostiae / @devourcr at eccc. generally, just the experience of meeting such lovely, awesome partners that become friends and people i cherish. even if we don't speak often. i really do adore the people who i get to share this lil orbit with.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : not reading my rules. becomes obvious when you don't. especially with a couple character or plot types i list that i don't feel comfortable writing and they get pushed on me. always read rules so you start out on a good page. it's so important! using roleplay to make yourself seem better than others. whether that be that you're more virtuous than them (as my buddy ava said) because they write things you don't like (rant to a bud, get your feelers out, block and move on??) or way more hip, progressive or whatever for plots you do or won't do or fcs or graphics you use. we're all just here writing. it's not that serious. have fun with it. curate your experience. screw anon button on. you'll be way less stressed. and a tiny one. refollowing on repeat. but that just gets a block eventually. and super easy to handle.

MUSE PREFERENCES : flawed heroes, burdened souls that are good people deep down, the distant person that has walls because of self-preservation, kind souls that've been burned too many times that they are cautious to warm up to others. misunderstood, thoughtful types. characters that still need to learn themselves and grow. on the complete opposite side? completely unhinged psychopaths, sociopaths, whatever else that falls under that line.

PLOTS OR MEMES : ava said this really well. memes are the easiest way to get my attention. i don't mind sending them in. or having them sent (though rn my inbox is a little big but i'm working on it, might just take me some time!). and then from there as we build up, if we match well, plotting is something i LOVE to do. i get that some don't though and i'm always more than fine winging it to see what happens. pretty flexible. but i really do love things that stick between muses.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i write a lot most of the time. usually on accident. sometimes i get carried away and am enjoying myself. i, in no way, expect replies to match length and i mean it. i just need smth to work with. i've been keeping some posts purposefully shorter. especially meme replies as i work through my inbox. we can expand or shrink as needed!

BEST TIME TO WRITE : usually really late at night. i'm a night owl with insomnia and, as much as sarah threatens to beat me with a chair? i find sleep difficult. writing helps that!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : i don't know? i'm probably more like dean than i am any of them. but i try to make better choices that won't end up with me getting hurt. though there are people i'd let the apocalypse happen to save. some people are just that important. sorry world. if we're going down. we're going down together at least? dean and i have very very similar music tastes. though some of my stuff would be thrown out the window. we both have stupid humor. we're loyal. i do like my jeans, t-shirts and flannels. but we are VERY different in many ways. or it'd be boring to write someone just like me.

TAGGED BY: @murderdeals TAGGING: anyone who follows me! i'd love to know more about you! tag me so i can read! and this means...YOU'RE IT!