#still figuring out the website so some stuff are unfinished

[bonniecupcake]

READY TO FIGHT!

[salad-006]

I know you already gave us your thoughts about Eddsworld Legacy, but what do you think about Eddsworld Beyond for now?

To be completely honest, I'm really on the fence with beyond. They're in like this weird fluctuating state, and to me that comes off like them not knowing what they're doing

Sometimes we'll get something hilarious, but more often than not beyond feels awkard and rushed. Stilted is the best word i think. (I'm also just really not a fan of jons animation for the show, which doesn't help at all. His EW style has always felt extremely flat to me ,sorry jon)

More options down below vv

Stuff usually feel unfinished or rushed somehow , ex surf n turf. Part one was probably the most uncomfortable episodes we've gotten so far. you could've easily rearranged things so that the intro of them arriving at the beach was at the beginning of part two, and have it be a single episode. It feels like filler before the actual plot starts next episode

It kinda feels like they're trying to imitate every aspect of Edds work, and it's giving me like. Skinwalker vibes. I get it, Edd made little short animtions with random new characters occasionally. But when a full team makes one with a new character, ties an ad read to it, then never touches that character again, it feels confusing and out of place. IDK i just feel like you loose that ability to just make whatever you want when you put together a team, even if its a small indie group. Maybe im wrong there but the point is i thouht the birds and the bees was dumb

I'll keep my option on the team brief. I don't hate anyone on the team nor do i think any of them are Bad People, but there's definitely been a lot of questionable behavior that has come from these guys. Example, I've always been offput by their relationship with Tord’s characters. In the website they put this:

Yet consistently tease the fans with his existence (ex the caveman episode, tori being canonized, his picture clearly torn out in SnT1, having an entire month of tord merch) Either address the situation or don't, guys. You can't sarcastically be like "oh get over it" when YOU'RE the ones that keep bringing him back. You didn't even answer the question dude, no wonder so many kids beg for his return

I guess I can't be THAT pissed when the money all went to charity, but it still just feels inherently weird and disrespectful to merchandise this character after his creator removed him nearly 15 years ago. Atleast Tomska allegedly asked permission and had good intentions. This feels like they (beyond) just don't give a fuck. If any team members are reading this I'm BEGGING YOU: STOP LETTING THEM BRING BACK TORD . THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT . Tord Larsson deserves to be left alone, and to stop getting connected to this show in his past.

Despite everything, I still want to support the team. I'll be honest, SnT2 gave me hope for the series I haven't had in quite a while. It wasn't the greatest, but it was a step upwards. And I'd love to see them keep going up ! Genuinely, I would love nothing more than to see these guys succeed in recreating what made the show good initially. Eddsworld changed my life, so really its incredible to see it still kicking around today. Even if it's in this weird, amorphous glob state. They just need to figure out what the hell they're doing

TLDR: the current state of the show is kinda rough, the team feels discombobulated and has made some weird decisions, however I still have hope that they can make this into something amazing someday

[teejaystumbles]

Talk to me about BtOM and/or its sequel? I've seen some of the webcomic and would love to know more

Hooo boy! Thank you so much for your interest! This is going to be a long post! BtoM is my original webcomic, set in the Aztec empire in the 15th century, before the arrival of the Spaniards. It's not trying to be historically accurate but I did quite a lot of research at the time to get cultural stuff and place settings right. It features, as main characters, Metztlitototl, a boy who fell from the sky; Mictlantecuhtli, god of death; Tezcatlipoca, god of, heh, a shitload of things LOL, and his highpriest Itztli, a human. They try to navigate their feelings for each other while finding out where Metz came from. It's a gay love fantasy drama. (while I and the characters often refer to Metz as a "boy", he is not underage) I came up with the basic story idea over twenty years ago and developed it over the years (with the help of a writer who is not part of it any more) into a fully fleshed out story. At the moment it spans six full chapters with about 30-40 pages each; the seventh and last chapter is still unfinished. I have taken huge breaks over the years, coming back to it again and again. I have always promised that I will one day finish it and I still intend to keep that promise. The shutdown of smackjeeves had me loose my main platform for hosting the comic and while I have plans to make my own website, at the moment it's hard to direct people to where to read it easily. That's why I set up a new tumblr for it, but editing all the pages and making the posts is also a huge effort I struggle with. (So sorry!!! I will try and be better!)

It's hard to share stuff because it's a comic script, not a novel, but I'd like to share something from chapter seven, Mic and Itztli trying to figure out who or what Metz actually is-

Itztli is sleepless, he roams the temple grounds restlessly, deep circles under his eyes. He coughs violently and spits but doesn't see the blood mixed with his spit. At dawn he comes upon a secluded area where a fire must have been burning not long ago, a qualming brazier and lots of footprints make him curious. He inspects the scene and finds almost but not completely erased drawings in the earth, depicting... Metztlitototl? What is the meaning of this? Is that... the boy? "It is as I thought." Itztli whirls around at the voice, and Mic stands before him (not the skeleton, but the "nice" Mic). Itztli squats down immediately, heart pounding. "Lord of Mictlan." Mic ignores him. He looks around, sees traces of burnt incense, and even a feather of a bird, hinting at a blood sacrifice. Without looking at Itztli, still studying the area, he says: "Tell me about the night you found him."

The sequel is a very indulgent PWP that has them figuring out their feelings even more and basically all four of them end up in a polyamorous relationship haha. It was my pleasure project to write when the mood struck and has reached the same length as the main story document (oops LOL)

My favourite is not the main character Metz but Itztli, my precious poor boy who'd do anything for his capricious master. He's probably the reason the sequel exists because they needed more space to flourish <3

The main characters, Metz and Mic, are soft and lovely and I love them to bits but they are also, well, easy. Also, Mic is obviously inspired by Dream. My teenage self had a type (and still has). xD

Feel free to ask me more detailed questions! I will endeavour to post more comic pages soon!

[maccaronimassacre]

Hi! I know what you mean about the ooc replies and short or repetitive response. That sucks. I hope things get better! And yes, the burnout is so real. I got some things that might help you with the bots. I'm so sorry if I list things you've already tried or know already. Also, I apologize. This is super long.

What I do to get more detailed responses is I try and detail my messages (sometimes it's hard, though, I usually need more context from the intro and an idea of how I want an RP to go). Usually it works for me. If I make a long message, then the bot will also try and have a long message.

I know bot personality comes from the definition and training (possibly more). I try and work with the bot, but I also describe how I perceive them throughout the conversation/rp. I also do that in the intro when I make bots (rarely now because I don't think I'm that good at it).

I made a Wesker bot during the 1st Resident Evil game to where he was about to take out my OC because they would pose a problem to his plans. That worked out well for me during the conversation, but that was before the c.ai update, so idk if it'll still be the same.

Idk if this came off rude or bossy. So sorry if I did, that was never my intention. Hope things get better! You're my favorite bot creator, btw. Keep up the good work! 💕

I appreciate the tips, anon! The way I try to make intros and even my own replies to bots is that I'll write a basic outline and then fluff it up by making it more descriptive add a couple of conjunctions here and there, ect. I feel like one of the main issues is that it feels like there is a character limit on the ai's replies. Like they could easily be more descriptive with their responses but they have to cram stuff or leave sentences unfinished. I even looked at my old chats from the old website and the ai's responses were a lot longer and even that was back when character intros had a 500 character limit. Even after doing this for over a year I'm still figuring out the best way to make them so I welcome and appreciate any advice!

Also... Do you have a link to that Wesker bot? For research purposes of course.

[viviane-lefay]

Fandom Meme

I guess this here needed an update. It’s been a while ... several years to be precise.

If you want to do this, too, feel welcome to. ^^

—

FAVOURITE …

LITERATURE

Fantasy & Sci-Fi

J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, etc.

M.Z. Bradley’s Avalon-Novels & Firebrand

J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter

Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles

Medieval & Antique Literature, Myth & Folklore

Ovid’s Metamorphoses

The Edda

Nibelungenlied

works of Walther von der Vogelweide

Arthurian Romances - like Erec, Iwein, Parzival, etc.

Gregorius

Aeneasroman

Iliad & Odyssee

Murasaki Shikibu’s “Genji Monogatari” (the language is really beautiful, but I can’t stand the protagonist, old philanderer that he is)

some Classics

Pride & Prejudice

Wuthering Heights

The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders

The Picture of Dorian Grey

Dracula

Faust I+II

Macbeth

The Life and Opinions of Tomcat Murr

works of the Brothers Grimm

Siddharta

some “regular” novels

Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”, “Brida”

Nobara Takemoto’s “Shimotsuma Monogatari”

some fanfiction

“Father’s Heart” & “Process of Elimination” by Fern Withy

“Antiquity’s Corollary” by gonnabefamous

biographical books

Mineko Iwasaki’s “Geisha of Gion”

Paramahansa Yogananda’s “Autobiography of a Yogi”

Baird T. Spalding’s “Life and Teachings of the Masters of the East”

interesting non-fiction

such as science-related books / websites

those of a more metaphysical & occult subject matter

or those about more controversial topics, such as Extraterrestrials, so-called “conspiracy theories”, and the like (Problem!? Your loss. I don’t see why I shouldn’t look into these topics. It certainly is interesting, and it’s quite arrogant to assume we have it all figured out. Besides, no one says you have to believe anything you read, but it sure can’t hurt to approach things with a more open mind, and to just look where evidence leads us, when it presents itself.)

SHOWS

Fantasy

Game of Thrones (until D&D started messing things up)

Princess Fantaghiró

Buffy

Wednesday (it`s not too bad, but still quite entertaining)

Sci-Fi

Star Wars - The Clone Wars

The Mandalorian

Star Trek TOS

Doctor Who

some Asian dramas

Gou - Himetachi no Sengoku

Atsu-Hime

Ryomaden

Neko Samurai

some Animé

Avatar - The Last Airbender

several works of Hayao Miyazaki

Leiji Matsumoto’s “Queen Millenia” & “Maetel Legend”

Sailor Moon

Naruto  (not anymore, but I still keep it here, for nostalgia reasons)

FANDOM QUESTIONS

DO YOU PREFER REAL-LIFE OR ANIMATED SHOWS?

Both, although there is a definite bias towards the former.

With the latter it greatly depends on the overall quality of the show, as well as the style in which it is presented.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST FANDOM?

As a child I had quite some:

Disney Ducks, Pippi Longstocking, Ronja Rovarsdóttir, Princess Fantaghirò, Queen Millenia, and The Addams Family.

While I never was a gamer myself, I very much loved to watch others play games - especially the classic Sonic games, as well as the Super Mario ones … which you can (somewhat) call a childhood fandom of mine, too.

WHAT’S THE LONGEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN A FANDOM? WHAT FANDOM WAS IT?

I'm in the Star Wars fandom since the age of twelve, which, in fact, was some years before the prequels came out. (yes, I'm a little older than most of you here, just in case you were wondering ... the same age as RotJ to be precise)

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU EVER CONTRIBUTED TO A FANDOM?

A drawing of Princess Leia, if I remember correctly.

A PERSON WHO GOT YOU INTO A FANDOM. WHAT FANDOM DID THEY PULL YOU INTO?

@mikeilo got me interested in Prince Phobos (W.I.T.C.H.) several years ago, but to say that I was “involved” in the fandom is a bit too much. It was more about this particular character, though.

NAME A FANDOM YOU DIDN’T CARE / THINK  ABOUT UNTIL YOU SAW IT ALL OVER TUMBLR.

No idea.

Tbh, I hardly search for fandom stuff on Tumblr - given experience showed me that the majority here and I don’t get along, taste-wise.

HAS TUMBLR CAUSED YOU TO STOP LIKING ANY FANDOMS? IF SO, WHICH AND WHY?

No, why should I let a community affect my love for a fandom!? It’s not the fandoms’ / characters’ / authors’ fault that some people are just plain disagreeable and obtrusive.

If anything, it has just reinforced my aversion against the things I disliked from the get-go - especially if there is some “activist” fanaticism, connected with aggressive, proselytizing behaviour involved.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM(S)?

Ambivalent.

There are some obnoxious brats, which should be ignored at best. Drama is a waste of time and energy!

Then again, there are also some very nice people out there.

Most of the time I prefer to have just a few contacts, anyway - i.e. like-minded ones I & my preferences & convictions get along with. Those, I do appreciate greatly, though.

5 FAVOURITE CHARACTERS FROM 5 DIFFERENT FANDOMS.

Star Wars

Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Padmé Amidala, Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade-Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Satine Kryze, Bo-Katan Kryze, Merrin, Asajj Ventress, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Dagan Gera, Santari Khri, Cal Kestis, Arc Trooper Fives, Captain Rex, Hondo Ohnaka, Greez Dritus, Firmus Piett, Chewbacca, R2D2

Tolkien

Mairon / Sauron (my headcanon version, that is), Nienna, Aulë, Olórin, Aiwendil, Rúmil of Tirion, Finrod, Glorfindel, Maglor, Thranduil, Tauriel, Lúthien, Galadriel, Nerdanel, Haleth, Eowyn, Faramir, Aragorn, Kili, Samwise

Harry Potter

Severus Snape, Luna Lovegood, Fred & George Weasley, Hagrid, Andromeda Tonks, Regulus Black, Leta Lestrange, the genuinely nice Slytherin students that JKR forgot to mention, Queenie Goldstein, Newt Scamander

Avatar - The last Airbender

Ozai, Ursa, Zuko, Iroh, Katara, Toph, Suki, Sokka, Ty Lee, Aang, Kyoshi, Roku, Master Piandao, Cabbage Guy, Appa

Legend of Zelda

Link, Zelda, Midna, Impa, Purah, Robbie, Urbosa, Riju, Patricia, Revali, Teba, Tulin, Kass, Mipha, Sidon, Yona, Dorephan, Daruk, Yunobo, Bludo, Deku Tree, Terrako, Epona, some Koroks & Bokos (they're a bit anoying, but cute)

Only five characters per section, wasn’t it!? … Nevermind.

A CHARACTER YOU USED TO DISLIKE BUT EVENTUALLY LIKED

Jaime Lannister (book version)

A CHARACTER YOU USED TO LIKE BUT EVENTUALLY DISLIKED

Loki

THE CHARACTER EVERYONE ELSE LOVES THAT YOU DON'T

Melkor

James Potter

Sheldon Cooper

AN EXAMPLE OF A CHARACTER YOU RELATE TO AND WHY

There are many characters I can relate to for one reason or another - my fav villains, for instance, but I think I'll choose a completely different example here (one not even from a fandom of mine), because of an aspect we share, also in regards to rl experiences. It's about something we both did to achieve a desired end, even though the means were a bit different.

So, my pick is Yennefer of Vengerberg.

Why!?

There is a lovely fanmade song about her, and there is one line that describes it quite nicely.

No more explanations here - I'll just let the lyrics speak for themselves:

"I paid in blood so I'd be beautiful"

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FEMALE / MALE SHIPS?

Mairon & Morvanië (an OC of mine - the “Vani” I happen to mention sometimes)

Finrod Felagund & Amarië

Beren Erchamion & Lúthien Tinúviel

Aragorn Elessar & Arwen Undómiel

Anakin Skywalker & Padmé Amidala

Dagan Gera & Santari Khri

Cal & Merrin

Obi-Wan Kenobi & Satine Kryze

Spock & Uhura

Ivo Robotnik & Adelia Sigrún Sharpe (another OC)

Ozai & Ursa

Zuko & Katara

Link & Zelda

King Boo & Hellen Gravely

Hades & Persephone

Vlad Dracula & Mina Harker

Gomez & Morticia Addams

Rhett Butler & Scarlett O'Hara

Mr. Darcy & Lizzie Bennett

Spike & Buffy Summers

Severus Snape & Lily Evans

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE MALE / MALE OR FEMALE / FEMALE SHIPS?

Albus Dumbledore / Gellert Grindelwald

Willow Rosenberg / Tara Maclay

I can’t say that I’m all that emotionally involved in any of these, though, other than finding them somewhat interesting regarding the dynamic between the characters.

If these weren’t canonical pairings already, I would probably never even have thought of them as a romantic shipping constellation at all, as it’s a theme that neither concerns, nor interests me when it comes to the dynamic between characters of the same sex.

Friendships are an entirely different matter, though. But that wasn’t the subject of this question here, was it!?

DO YOU HAVE ANY 3-WAY SHIPS? IF SO, WHAT?

No! I don’t like this theme at all.

A PAIRING YOU SHIP THAT YOU DON’T THINK ANYONE ELSE SHIPS.

My OC / canon ones … alas. T_T

WHAT’S A SHIP THAT YOU WANT TO SHIP PUBLICLY, BUT EVERYONE ON TUMBLR HATES IT, SO YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT IT?

I’m just doing my thing. If anyone doesn’t like it then that isn’t my problem.

EXAMPLES OF NON-SEXUAL/-ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS THAT YOU LIKE

PARENT & CHILD

Darth Vader & Leia Organa - The father / daughter dynamic between these two has always fascinated me a lot.

Mairon & Alcanis - The "vaniron" kid, also a complicated case. (OC headcanon)

Ozai & Zuko - Dramatic ...

Severus Snape & Harry Potter - I love the snily ship, so I headcanon Snape as Harry's biological father, because why not ... it's interesting.

CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS

Anakin & Obi-Wan & Ahsoka

Luke & Han

Cal & Cere & Greez & BD-1

Cal & Dagan

Frodo & Sam

Finrod & Beren

Fingon & Maedhros

Ratbag & Ranger (from the Tolkien-based "Shadows of War" game - the only known orc friendship)

YOUR FAVOURITE THEMES / FANDOM TRENDS.

fantastical / mythological elements

As someone who has always been fascinated by ancient myths, I can’t help but love this stuff.

occult / magical elements

Given I am interested in these subjects, I very much like to see, and incorporate, these themes in the fictional universes and characters I like.

anachronistic elements / fusion of different historical period styles

For example, say, Cyber Victorian (garments that combine Victorian era designs with a Matrix style twist, plus futuristic technology, and a setting in a likewise futuristic world)

scientifically sound elements and reasoning

I think this is a quite important aspect, especially in sci-fi.

philosophically inspiring + visionary elements

Such as caste-free social structures & natural law anarchy (not to be confused with the “rule of force” one, let alone the woke version).

scientists, explorers, philosophers & (martial) artists

I just happen to enjoy seeing these types of characters.

sarcasm, dry humour & banter

It certainly adds some “spice” to the mixture.

characters with a scorpionic & virgoan influence

Many of my faves have this, especially the scorpionic one.

depth and complexity in character portrayal & a well thought-out backstory

Should be a given, but unfortunately isn't, more often than not - especially these days. Shame!

complicated, long and well thought-out redemption arcs

If not canon, I’ll do it myself.

I've always been fascinated by the concept of redemption.

In connexion with my favourite villains, it is a theme I am quite obsessed with and can't do without, as I find evil as such not appealing at all.

In fact, what makes these characters attractive to me is their power & potential, and not their misuse of it. The process of redemption finally brings said potential out and puts it to good use, which I find deeply satisfying.

Plus there is also the element of defying the forces of darkness, who always twist and pervert - and this is the ultimate solution to it, making everyone and everything whole again. Redemption arcs are a great "f**k you" to said forces & I love them all the more for that!

happy developments & outcomes for my faves

Because I simply can't have it otherwise.

villain/anti-hero & (anti-)heroine pairings (or vice versa)

It’s a dynamic that I find particularly intriguing - always have - also regarding the redemption theme.

partners that are of equal rank in a relationship - plus healthy relationships, for a change

Especially where you least expect it (see pairing constellation), and where both partners had to work on themselves to achieve it (i.e. realism doesn’t hurt, now does it!?).

happy and loving (not to mention enduringly passionate) committed relationships / marriage

Just like Morticia & Gomez ... *sigh*

monogamous unions + fidelity

Guys as committed as Anakin, Snape, and Gomez are the best!

eternal love / twin flames / soulmates / however you want to call it

Regarding OTPs this theme is an absolute must!

het content

Why yes, that’s just my personal preference, as that is something I can actually relate to.

not overly sexualized portrayals of relationships

I just don't want to see the explicit content (graphic description of genitals, for instance). Most of the time it's enough when it's just hinted at.

Or if you want to write about the sexual act, then at least express yourself in a more pleasant manner - it doesn't always have to be this crude, pornified language.

If anything, make the characters make love - with all the emotional intensity, intimacy, and tenderness that should be there - and not just plain fuck, like mere beasts.

portrayal of female characters where being badass and being feminine isn’t mutually exclusive

Because it is NOT!

physical beauty / perfection + humility

I can't stand it when people are smug about something such as winning the genetic lottery - be proud of your actual achievements, but not about something like this ... if anything be grateful for your luck.

the apotheosis theme

Mortality sucks ... and who wouldn’t want to ditch everything awful that comes with it!? Like diseases, aging - begone!

INVENT A RANDOM AU FOR ANY FANDOM (WE ALWAYS NEED MORE IDEAS).

Star Wars

Darth Vader doesn’t die and gets the chance for an actual redemption arc, atoning for his ill deeds as the Dark Lord - as an act of purification and reclaiming his original, true name - as well as helping the Alliance free the galaxy. (given how powerful he is, his contribution would be immense)

more importantly - he finally has the opportunity to make up with and actually get to know his children - especially Leia. That has always bugged me a great deal. Ani didn’t even get the chance to talk to his daughter. There is just too much focus on the father-son dynamic anyway. Nothing against Luke – love him, but it’s just not right that Leia was being left out of it almost entirely. Plus she is the one that resembles her father more (personality-wise) after all. I’d so have loved to see a confrontation of these two. (not to mention some cute father-daughter moments, eventually)

~*~

I also made an AU for an OTP of mine (Dagan Gera & Santari Khri) from the Jedi : Survivor - Game

[b-a-pigeon]

The thing about Kindle Vella is that it is a dumpster fire, but not even for the reasons people think! (Realized this post is extremely long and about a topic few people care about so I'm dropping it under a read more now sorry)

There are some weird rumors going around (which is fair imo since the ToS is like notoriously vague & untransparent) but nothing as funny as the truth: it was an absolute fuck-up of a money pit on Amazon's part that totally failed to retain authors even after throwing random quantities of cash at (some of) us, and everyone just took the money and ran.

To clarify a couple of rumors I've seen: no, nobody signed a contract guaranteeing Amazon indefinite weekly updates!!! (Lol.) There are also, like, some pretty arbitrary rules about availability, but nothing close to KU's draconian exclusivity policies; my story was serialized concurrently on multiple platforms & has since been published wide in the same places as usual while still available on Vella.

What happened, I think, is that Amazon began offering these mysteriously generous bonuses* (calculated through some arcane and ever-shifting metric that nobody has ever been able to figure out) to attract authors. The problem is that Vella sucks to use for readers, too. It's in beta with almost no visible improvements in two years; it looks like shit, especially on desktop; there was no quality control for a while, so the charts were dominated by scammers posting AI-translated gibberish; there were all these weird glitches that made entire chapters of different stories randomly swap; it's actually more expensive than indie e-books in most cases, etc.

So there were not enough readers to sustain the bonus pool, which used to increase every month but has stagnated at $1mil for several months. Everyone got pissed about the drastic drop in income (mine dipped almost 50% between months despite performing better by all metrics) and left; now this website, which nobody uses, is a graveyard for unfinished stories. Even if they did promote it for once, so much of the stuff there is abandoned! I truly doubt it is long for this world unless they massively overhaul it, but it's clearly not a priority, so...

Anyway I find all of this very funny & think it's a bummer that people don't know about it & instead believe that a bunch of people voluntarily signed up to be permanent content generators for Amazon. Like, no... they were obviously trying to create a system of financial dependency to coerce authors into sticking around a la KU, but made such a bad website that they couldn't even afford that :)

*For reference, just to show how absurd the bonus system used to be: my first year on Vella, I made $100 in royalties (meaning people spent around $200 to read it in total), which is nothing. Only 150 people ever paid to read my work by reading past the sample chapters; of these, only 35 finished the first story arc. I made $4000 in bonuses that first year and stayed on the bestseller-equivalent list (typically bouncing around the top 50-150) basically the entire time. I still don't understand how or why & it still didn't stop me from jumping ship the moment my bonus decreased, but yeah... I made like $30 for each individual person who paid any amount of money to read my story. Incomprehensible.

[whentherewerebicycles]

late afternoon light yesterday… spring draws ever closer!! we got up at 5 and have been snuggling in bed since then. I have to sit through a bunch of boring meetings today but my mom’s in town & she’s coming over mid-morning with my sister to spend the day here! I’m going to ask her to help me figure out the half bath, hang these spice rack shelves, and maybe give some design advice on the office/dayroom, which still feels like the most unfinished room in the house. I think it just needs stuff on the walls but I can’t quite figure out how or what to do. also we will go for a long woods walk! and maybe go down to the water to explore the cute little downtown if the mountains are out today because it’s so beautiful down there. I have a super early flight to san fran tomorrow morning so I also gotta do laundry, pack, get the dogs’ stuff together, and pick up my IUI meds.

here’s the day:

5-7 coffee/lounge/emails/check in for flight

7-9 make breakfast, shower, clean the kitchen, take out trash, vacuum upstairs, start dishwasher, start laundry

9-10 first long meeting—give feedback on SO’s website while listening

10-10:30 break (switch laundry)

10:30-11 gaming mtg

11-11:30 tech check webinar

11:30-1 webinar event (I have to be semi-present as tech backup but can leave it on in the background & do other stuff)

afternoon/evening: pick up meds, long walk, pack for trip (don’t forget work laptop), dinner

for the plane tomorrow my only task is to write out the LP letter by hand! and then work on cover letter if I have extra time. would love to finish the cover letter/resume by friday then do some weekend or monday work on the supplemental essay questions and the teaching materials. the closing date is 2/28 but I want to get everything submitted by monday or tuesday just in case they actually have a secret early cutoff.

[mcmansionhell]

Coronagrifting: A Design Phenomenon

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled content to bring you a critical essay on the design world. I promise you that this will also be funny. 

This morning, the design website Dezeen tweeted a link to one of its articles, depicting a plexiglass coronavirus shield that could be suspended above dining areas, with the caption “Reader comment: ‘Dezeen, please stop promoting this stupidity.’”

This, of course, filled many design people, including myself, with a kind of malicious glee. The tweet seemed to show that the website’s editorial (or at least social media) staff retained within themselves a scintilla of self-awareness regarding the spread a new kind of virus in its own right: cheap mockups of COVID-related design “solutions” filling the endlessly scrollable feeds of PR-beholden design websites such as Dezeen, ArchDaily, and designboom. I call this phenomenon: Coronagrifting. 

I’ll go into detail about what I mean by this, but first, I would like to presenet some (highly condensed) history. 

From Paper Architecture to PR-chitecture

Back in the headier days of architecture in the 1960s and 70s, a number of architectural avant gardes (such as Superstudio and Archizoom in Italy and Archigram in the UK) ceased producing, well, buildings, in favor of what critics came to regard as “paper architecture.” This “paper architecture” included everything from sprawling diagrams of megastructures, including cities that “walked” or “never stopped” - to playfully erotic collages involving Chicago’s Marina City. Occasionally, these theoretical and aesthetic explorations were accompanied by real-world productions of “anti-design” furniture that may or may not have involved foam fingers. 

Archigram’s Walking City (1964). Source.

Paper architecture, of course, still exists, but its original radical, critical, playful, (and, yes, even erotic) elements were shed when the last of the ultra-modernists were swallowed up by the emerging aesthetic hegemony of Postmodernism (which was much less invested in theoretical and aesthetic futurism) in the early 1980s. What remained were merely images, the production and consumption of which has only increased as the design world shifted away from print and towards the rapidly produced, easily digestible content of the internet and social media. 

Architect Bjarke Ingels’s “Oceanix” - a mockup of an ecomodernist, luxury city designed in response to rising sea levels from climate change. The city will never be built, and its critical interrogation amounts only to “city with solar panels that floats bc climate change is Serious”  - but it did get Ingels and his firm, BIG, a TED talk and circulation on all of the hottest blogs and websites. Meanwhile, Ingels has been in business talks with the right-wing climate change denialist president of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro. (Image via designboom) 

Design websites are increasingly dominated by text and mockups from the desks of a firm’s public relations departments, facilitating a transition from the paper-architecture-imaginary to what I have begun calling “PR-chitecture.” In short, PR-chitecture is architecture and design content that has been dreamed up from scratch to look good on instagram feeds or, more simply, for clicks.  It is only within this substance-less, critically lapsed media landscape that Coronagrifting can prosper.

Coronagrifting: An Evolution

As of this writing, the two greatest offenders of Coronagrifting are Dezeen, which has devoted an entire section of its website to the virus (itself offering twelve pages of content since February alone) and designboom, whose coronavirus tag contains no fewer than 159 articles. 

Certainly, a small handful of these stories demonstrate useful solutions to COVID-related problems (such as this one from designboom about a student who created a mask prototype that would allow D/deaf and hard of hearing people to read lips) most of the prototypes and the articles about them are, for a lack of a better word, insipid. 

But where, you may ask, did it all start?

One of the easiest (and, therefore, one of the earliest) Coronagrifts involves “new innovative, health-centric designs tackling problems at the intersection of wearables and personal mobility,” which is PR-chitecture speak for “body shields and masks.” 

Wearables and Post-ables

The first example came from Chinese architect Sun Dayong, back at the end of February 2020, when the virus was still isolated in China. Dayong submitted to Dezeen a prototype of a full mask and body-shield that “would protect a wearer during a coronavirus outbreak by using UV light to sterilise itself.” The project was titled “Be a Bat Man.” No, I am not making this up. 

Screenshot of Dayong’s “Be a Batman” as seen on the Dezeen website. 

Soon after, every artist, architect, designer, and sharp-eyed PR rep at firms and companies only tangentially related to design realized that, with the small investment of a Photoshop mockup and some B-minus marketing text, they too could end up on the front page of these websites boasting a large social media following and an air of legitimacy in the field. 

By April, companies like Apple and Nike were promising the use of existing facilities for producing or supplying an arms race’s worth of slick-tech face coverings. Starchitecture’s perennial PR-churners like Foster + Partners and Bjarke Ingels were repping “3D-printed face shields”, while other, lesser firms promised wearable vaporware like “grapheme filters,” branded “skincare LED masks for encouraging self-development” and “solar powered bubble shields.” 

While the mask Coronagrift continues to this day, the Coronagrifting phenomenon had, by early March, moved to other domains of design. 

Consider the barrage of asinine PR fluff that is the “Public Service Announcement” and by Public Service Announcement, I mean “A Designer Has Done Something Cute to Capitalize on Information Meant to Save Lives.” 

Some of the earliest offenders include cutesy posters featuring flags in the shape of houses, ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home;” a designer building a pyramid out of pillows ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home”; and Banksy making “lockdown artwork” that involved covering his bathroom in images of rats ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home.” 

Lol. Screenshot from Dezeen. 

You may be asking, “What’s the harm in all this, really, if it projects a good message?” And the answer is that people are plenty well encouraged to stay home due to the rampant spread of a deadly virus at the urging of the world’s health authorities, and that these tone-deaf art world creeps are using such a crisis for shameless self promotion and the generation of clicks and income, while providing little to no material benefit to those at risk and on the frontlines.

Of course, like the mask coronagrift, the Public Service Announcement coronagrift continues to this very day. 

The final iteration of Post-able and Wearable Coronagrifting genres are what I call “Passive Aggressive Social Distancing Initiatives” or PASDIs. Many of the first PASDIs were themselves PSAs and art grifts, my favorite of which being the designboom post titled “social distancing applied to iconic album covers like the beatle’s abbey road.” As you can see, we’re dealing with extremely deep stuff here. 

However, an even earlier and, in many ways more prescient and lucrative grift involves “social distancing wearables.” This can easily be summarized by the first example of this phenomenon, published March 19th, 2020 on designboom: 

Never wasting a single moment to capitalize on collective despair, all manner of brands have seized on the social distancing wearable trend, which, again, can best be seen in the last example of the phenomenon, published May 22nd, 2020 on designboom:

We truly, truly live in Hell. 

Which brings us, of course, to living. 

“Architectural Interventions” for a “Post-COVID World”

As soon as it became clear around late March and early April that the coronavirus (and its implications) would be sticking around longer than a few months, the architectural solutions to the problem came pouring in. These, like the virus itself, started at the scale of the individual and have since grown to the scale of the city. (Whether or not they will soon encompass the entire world remains to be seen.) 

The architectural Coronagrift began with accessories (like the designboom article about 3D-printed door-openers that enable one to open a door with one’s elbow, and the Dezeen article about a different 3D-printed door-opener that enables one to open a door with one’s elbow) which, in turn, evolved into “work from home” furniture (”Stykka designs cardboard #StayTheF***Home Desk for people working from home during self-isolation”) which, in turn, evolved into pop-up vaporware architecture for first responders (”opposite office proposes to turn berlin's brandenburg airport into COVID-19 'superhospital'”), which, in turn evolved into proposals for entire buildings (”studio prototype designs prefabricated 'vital house' to combat COVID-19″); which, finally, in turn evolved into “urban solutions” aimed at changing the city itself (a great article summarizing and criticizing said urban solutions was recently written by Curbed’s Alissa Walker).

There is something truly chilling about an architecture firm, in order to profit from attention seized by a global pandemic, logging on to their computers, opening photoshop, and drafting up some lazy, ineffectual, unsanitary mockup featuring figures in hazmat suits carrying a dying patient (macabrely set in an unfinished airport construction site) as a real, tangible solution to the problem of overcrowded hospitals; submitting it to their PR desk for copy, and sending it out to blogs and websites for clicks, knowing full well that the sole purpose of doing so consists of the hope that maybe someone with lots of money looking to commission health-related interiors will remember that one time there was a glossy airport hospital rendering on designboom and hire them. 

Enough, already. 

Frankly, after an endless barrage of cyberpunk mask designs, social distancing burger king crowns, foot-triggered crosswalk beg buttons that completely ignore accessibility concerns such as those of wheelchair users, cutesy “stay home uwu” projects from well-to-do art celebrities (who are certainly not suffering too greatly from the economic ramifications of this pandemic), I, like the reader featured in the Dezeen Tweet at the beginning of this post, have simply had enough of this bullshit. 

What’s most astounding to me about all of this (but especially about #brand crap like the burger king crowns) is that it is taken completely seriously by design establishments that, despite being under the purview of PR firms, should frankly know better. I’m sure that Bjarke Ingels and Burger King aren’t nearly as affected by the pandemic as those who have lost money, jobs, stability, homes, and even their lives at the hands of COVID-19 and the criminally inept national and international response to it. On the other hand, I’m sure that architects and designers are hard up for cash at a time when nobody is building and buying anything, and, as a result, many see resulting to PR-chitecture as one of the only solutions to financial problems. 

However, I’m also extremely sure that there are interventions that can be made at the social, political, and organizational level, such as campaigning for paid sick leave, organizing against layoffs and for decent severance or an expansion of public assistance, or generally fighting the rapidly accelerating encroachment of work into all aspects of everyday life – that would bring much more good and, dare I say, progress into the world than a cardboard desk captioned with the hashtag #StaytheF***Home. 

Hence, I’ve spent most of my Saturday penning this article on my blog, McMansion Hell. I’ve chosen to run this here because I myself have lost work as a freelance writer, and the gutting of publications down to a handful of editors means that, were I to publish this story on another platform, it would have resulted in at least a few more weeks worth of inflatable, wearable, plexiglass-laden Coronagrifting, something my sanity simply can no longer withstand. 

So please, Dezeen, designboom, others – I love that you keep daily tabs on what architects and designers are up to, a resource myself and other critics and design writers find invaluable – however, I am begging, begging you to start having some discretion with regards to the proposals submitted to you as “news” or “solutions” by brands and firms, and the cynical, ulterior motives behind them. If you’re looking for a guide on how to screen such content, please scroll up to the beginning of this page. 

----

If you enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing to my Patreon, as I didn’t get paid to write it.  

[primatechnosynthpop]

Oh yeah just remembered several weeks ago I jotted this down in the notes app on my phone. Not really developed enough to warrant posting on any fanfiction websites or whatever but I guess I may as well share it here

The old manor across the street from the arcade has been haunted for decades. The groundskeeper knows this all too well, for reasons he prefers not to share, especially because nobody ever listens when he tells them. But he really did try to warn those kids.

The morning after three young men waltzed into the manor against his warnings, two of those young men ran out, screaming at the top of their lungs. Cooper couldn't say he didn't feel bad. But he had tried to warn them, and what did they do? Just went right on in anyway.

Later the following day, once the kids have long since left the vicinity, he takes a look around the manor to clean up whatever remains the ghoul may have left behind from its latest victim. Sure enough, it doesn't take long for him to find a body: eyes torn out; skewered by tentacles in several places; innards partially consumed. Scattered next to the corpse are several of Cooper's belongings. Seems like this guy had been trying to steal... maybe planning to commit identity theft? Well, whatever his motivations were, it's too late to ask him now. Cooper bags the body, drags it outside, and gets to burying it.

A couple hours later, the two kids who got away show back up. They look real skittish, especially the skinny one with the glasses, but they manage to stammer through an inquiry as to whether their friend "made it out okay". They refer to him by name, and say a whole bunch of stuff about who they are and what they were doing there the night before, but it all kind of goes in one ear and out the other-- in part because the two young guys talk over each other a bit, and in part because, hell, it's not like it matters. Cooper, no longer able to muster much sympathy after learning these punks tried to steal from him, leads them over to the newest "grave" on the property, hands them a shovel, and tells them to start digging.

As he's walking away, he overhears one of them saying to the other, "is he saying Kevin escaped using a secret network of underground tunnels?" The other guy offers an equally chipper comment in return. He can't tell whether they're deep in the denial stage of grief, or just complete idiots. Either way, they aren't looking so chipper when they trudge off his property about half an hour later. Cooper watches them from the window and thinks, good riddance. Hopefully they'll spread the word around, and people will actually listen for once, and stop walking into their deaths in this house.

It isn't until several days later, when Cooper is out mowing the lawn, that he notices a change in the air. By now, he's so used to sudden chills running through his body and the like that he barely registers it at all. But this is a new sensation. It's more like getting zapped or burnt. He looks behind him, and rather than the ghoul's familiar skeletal grin, sees the translucent but well-defined and largely humanoid figure of a man standing there and glaring at him with eyes that are big patches of static.

Well, that's a new one. But after living with one malevolent spirit for nearly forty years, Cooper isn't gonna be too freaked out by the appearance of another. Hell, this isn't even the first time this has happened recently. Other ghosts, ghouls, and spirits come and go from this place all the time. Why, just a few weeks ago the temperamental spirit of some real nasty-looking guy about this punk's age wandered through the property before settling down at the arcade across the road. So he just shrugs and goes back to his groundskeeper duties.

This new ghost proves not to be much of a threat. It seems to do a lot of macho posturing without ever really attacking Cooper like it means it. Most of the time, it's out of sight and out of mind, to the point where Cooper keeps assuming it's moved on after going a day or two without seeing it, only to be mildly surprised when he sees it again, rattling the doors of his old pickup truck or going through his gardening tools or just generally wandering around and groaning to itself.

He can always tell when the two spirits run into each other, because what follows is a cacophony of moaning and screaming that can be heard from any corner of the house. It's nothing he hasn't heard a million times before, but it's so loud and incessant that it keeps him up at night, like a dog barking or a car alarm going off outside. The ghoul never did get along very well with its victims' spirits. It starts getting annoying after a while.

Eventually, Cooper starts looking for a way to put this young ghost's soul at ease just so it'll stop making a racket. The next time he catches it rifling through his gardening supplies, he doesn't stop it or shoo it away. He lets it grab his hoe and his spare shovel, and then, out of mild curiosity and the lack of anything better to do, tags along from a safe distance to see what it does with them.

As it turns out, this ghost has lofty ambitions.

It tracks down the ghoul that killed it and thrusts the blade of the hoe into it, over and over. The ghoul lashes its tentacles, but each time it touches the other ghost it recoils as though from an electric shock. Watching this, Cooper almost feels sorry for the old ghoul. It's been in charge here for so long, but (perhaps by pure luck) this newcomer seems to have figured out its one weakness. As the one-sided battle progresses, the ghoul's tentacles are lopped off one by one, eventually leaving it defenseless. From there, it doesn't take long until it's completely pulverized. You can't kill a supernatural being with an ordinary weapon, from what Cooper knows, but you sure can destroy it. And sometimes being destroyed is worse than being killed.

Oh, but the ghoul will reassemble itself in time, once it recovers enough energy. Again, it's not like this is the first time any of this has happened. This other ghost doesn't have to know that, though-- let it think that its unfinished business is now finished, so it can go away. It turns and walks outside, and Cooper runs to the window to watch it leave.

But it doesn't leave.

In fact, it wanders across the property, shovel in hand, to the patch of upturned soil where Cooper buried the body. He realizes what it's trying to do as it starts digging, and despite everything, he almost starts feeling bad for it again. He goes outside and watches it dig for a while before speaking up.

"That won't work. There's nothing there." The ghost turns to stare at him with those big patches of static where its eyes should be, and Cooper crosses his arms. "Your little friends came by and dug up your body. It's gone now."

The ghost emits a reproachful moan. It drops the shovel and stomps on the ground. Then, with a shake of its head that sends little sparks of energy flying off it like water droplets off a wet dog when it shakes itself, it turns and shuffles away.

Cooper never sees that particular ghost again, and never thinks much of it again, either. There are always new supernatural happenings to be dealt with in this house. No need to get hung up on one guy in particular just because he was a would-be thief or died young or tried to fight the ghoul. He wasn't the first to fit any of those descriptors, and he wouldn't be the last.

It's not until many years later that he sees those three young men again, traipsing down the sidewalk toward the arcade across the road. So many people are coming and going to and from the arcade that day that he barely even notices. By the time it sinks in that it's definitely the same guys, and definitely all three of them, the arcade doors have already closed behind them and he can't look again to double-check. But Cooper knows what he saw, or thinks he does. He never finds out how or why, and frankly, he doesn't care. Whatever happened with that guy in the plaid shirt, it didn't break the cycle of paranormal events on Cooper's property.

Only... after that busy day at the arcade, new ghosts stop showing up, even when people visit his manor and meet their ends. And then one day, people stop meeting their end there altogether. He wakes up one day, almost another full year after the fact, and realizes that he hasn't seen the ghoul in months.

It's like there was some kind of portal open all this time, and now for whatever reason it's closed-- maybe whoever was keeping it open is gone now? Whatever. Cooper has no way of knowing, and he doesn't really care to find out. The point is, it seems like this property is all his now. It's almost lonely, in an odd way, without any spirits wandering around. Gradually, people stop dropping by so often. He should be glad to finally be left alone, but...

Ah, forget about it. Whatever happened with those kids, he still doesn't care, and he's sure as hell not gonna seek them out to express his gratitude to them for seemingly indirectly exorcising his house. He's an old man, after all, without many years left in him. And whatever years remain of his life, he intends to spend them continuing to work as a groundskeeper.

[autumnslance]

Heyyy! I have a question! But first I would love to share how I love your work ^^! It's mostly why I come to you with this question... See, I uh- would love to have the courage to share my writing, and my OCs to the world. But I never found the courage to. Do you have any tips? Or do you know any good tags where I can show my work at, so that one day I will just "accidentally" press the submit button? ^^'

Thank you~!

Honestly, I still feel anxious about sharing my stories and blurbs. I still feel like my OCs are pretty basic and not super interesting for others to read about.

But they're my characters and I like them anyway, so I'll keep writing about them. Even if takes me time to put some things out. I've always needed to write and share what I write, and sometimes that need overwrites the fear and anxiety--but it can still be hard.

And you know me, this rambles, so have a cut--

I have a buncha prompts and Ao3 threads with an "unnamed generic WoL" that were in some ways me testing the waters, figuring out what worked. Eventually the "unnamed WoL" in those bits leaned more and more towards being Aeryn, until I was just now writing about my own WoL (and her friends) directly without apology. But even then...Even knowing people like my characters, even knowing people like my OC/NPC ship somehow, it can be a struggle

One reason I like prompts and challenges is they make me write something and post without dwelling too hard on it, in theory. That "Rak'tika Rendezvous" piece? I've been sitting on that for at least nine months. I have other WIPs and Drafts, some even older than that! Some are unfinished--and some I'm just too nervous to post, like that one, which was edited often and heavily revised at least once.

I could just leave my writing in a drawer or a doc folder on my hard drive--and for many years I did. I discovered fanfiction in my teens on some of the earliest sites and webrings in the 1990s. It was a different existence; I didn't have a home computer or know how to make accounts or post. I just wrote, having realized the stories I told in my head could actually exist on paper. Literally, at the time. But they also are all gone, not archived anywhere or saved where I can find them again.

Roleplaying helped me, in learning how to make characters and write about them, and then posting about them. Tabletop, LARP, and online, I've done it all. I got pretty good at editing chat logs into something readable, and sometimes even looking like a story. The forums and Livejournals they were posted on were meant for the specific communities I was in--friends catching up on story beats. My WoW server (Shadow Council) had a community-run website, RP-Haven, for years. I posted modified RP logs and stories about my WoW OCs there; a bit more open than my immediate RP group/guild, but still people whose interests I knew were somewhat shared. So the move to posting on Tumblr and Ao3 for me feels like another step, for a wider audience of people who inexplicably like what I write about. It's been mostly positive in my experience, but I write fairly innocuous stuff and my audience is still pretty small and contained.

The internet has changed over time, so any baby steps process will be different. On Tumblr, sharing writing is a lot of knowing how the Search and Tag functions work. So far as I know you can keep something in Drafts indefinitely, until you're ready to hit that "Post" button. Tags should be simple, direct, and consistent, and only the first 5 show up in the general tag search (though can pull up on your blog easily when going to that tag). Which is why I always go "Final Fantasy XIV", "whatever challenge I'm doing", "NPC Name", "own writing tags", etc. I end up following and getting followed thanks to the FFXIVWrite challenges in the last 3 years, where we're all throwing down whatever springs to mind within a 24 hour deadline to break those anxiety-induced perfectionist habits that keep people from posting. Many folks rewrite/revise their entries later, too, because why not?

On Ao3 a draft can only exist for a certain amount of time, before it auto-deletes or you have to post it to save it from oblivion. I don't know if changing the draft extends that deadline; I don't tend to save things in drafts in Ao3, keeping those in GoogleDocs. Knowing tagging on Ao3 is also a thing (I've yet to figure out as fully). Sometimes I'll share a draft from Gdocs with a friend or two for feedback and encouragement before posting ("That Green Umbral Wind" was one, and "Please" was because hooboy).

Pillowfort is a lot like Tumblr, but has features like making a post non-rebloggable, and also any edits to the post reflect in reblogs. There's a bit more control of one's posts there. Also communities, which are like collectively following a public feed people can post or reblog directly to. Pillowfort's also still smaller/less used than Tumblr, and gives out invite keys regularly. Sometimes starting small, with more controls over how it's seen and shared, can help with the anxiety.

I'm also in a largish writing Discord where there are channels for sharing snippets of one's writing, and people can react with emojis and discuss it in the related channels. That's always nice for feedback, for brainstorming, for encouragement. There are even rules now about self-deprecating and putting down your own work--it doesn't help you or anyone else to put yourself and your writing down. We're all learning and growing the more we practice and try new things, like any other art.

You can only get better by keeping on writing, but there's only so far you can get without any feedback. Even if it's just a Like/Kudos, someone read and cared. Comments and tags like "I like this line" or "I love you wrote X part" or "I like how they interact" can really help figure out your strengths, maybe what of the other bits could be worked on more, and of course bolster the confidence to simply keep posting. Trusted friends or finding good beta readers to ping things off of can make a difference, depending on how you write.

But in the end, it's making the love of your OCs and wanting to write matter more than that fear/anxiety. Giving yourself the freedom to make changes when needed, to know it's not written in stone and can be edited, or even rewritten and reposted when you know you can do it better--I see it often. Sometimes you sit on something for awhile tweaking it until it's ready, sometimes you yeet a new piece into the void as soon as you finish typing.

Knowing that if nothing else, on a day when you need to, you can go to that page on your device and reread that thing you posted and remember you still love your characters, even years later, and maybe even think of something new to write for them.

[eregyrn-falls-art]

Okay!  So, this project was a LONG TIME coming to fruition, considering I first had the idea in about May of 2018, and bought the actual paddle that summer.

There are a number of artists who do painted canoe paddles on Etsy and so on, and I admired them a lot.  Most are strictly geometric (all the easier to do with painter’s tape; see under the cut).  But they’re also pretty expensive, and I didn’t think I could afford one.  THEN I came up with this idea for the design to not just be geometric, but pine trees and a symbolic lake and mountains (specifically 4 pine trees; I bet some of you can guess why!).  Once I had that idea, I couldn’t shake it, and that meant I had to do it myself if I wanted a paddle like that.  (And I wanted one that was full-size so that I could use it once it was all done.)

I bought an unfinished paddle from a seller on Etsy, and some of the materials, last year.  But for one reason and another (partly, intimidation about the process), I didn’t get around to doing it in the summer; and then I didn’t get around to doing it in the fall/winter/spring either.  I finally started it in August of this year.  

I thought that it would take me about 1 week to do.  Perhaps if I’d known what I was doing, it would have.  In fact it took a little over 3 weeks, what with various false starts and fixing mistakes; and also just, drying time for various layers.  Today I finally got a friend to come out with me to a location where I wanted to get a picture of it in good lighting.  Either this weekend or next, I’ll be taking it out with a canoe to actually use it.

I’m pretty happy with it!  It’s hanging in my living room now.  I know a GREAT DEAL more about the process now. If I ever do another one, it will go much more smoothly.  I also really now appreciate why the person whose work on Etsy I admired was charging $275 for one.  That is not over-priced AT ALL.  (I actually never truly thought it was!  Just more than I wanted to spend.  But I totally get her pricing, now, too.)

Under the cut, I’m going to put a bunch of process pics and some explanations, because, might as well record it somewhere!

I don’t have a pic of it in its raw state, but here it is in the midst of the staining process!  In its raw state, it was a very light color; I think it’s made of ash wood.

I should mention that I had drawn patterns to test out the idea, and then used Photoshop and color sampling from Krylon spray paints to work out what colors I wanted to use.  However, as we’ll see below, I ran into a lot of problems with the color samples not actually matching the colors of the spray paint out of the can.

First color on!  Spray paint.  You can see at the top where the masking fabric is still on up near the grip for the stripe of the same color.

Above, just to show what it looked like with the blue “mountain” chevron all taped up. I used these cheap painters cloths to supplement the masking tape, to keep the mist of the spray-paint from getting on the rest of the paddle.  (I was mostly successful.)

Issues with the masking not quite working, and also at right you can see where the color has faintly gotten onto the wood, from the spray’s mist.

Third spray color down!  The “farther mountain”.  At this point I was NOT super happy with how the dark blue looked.  I had wanted it to be a bit lighter and a bit more greyish?  (To suggest a mountain in the middle distance.)  This was a case where the blue out of the can was different from the blue color chip on the website.

Now here’s where things get really tricky!  I had drawn the pine trees on a manila folder, to cut out and create a stencil from them.  At this stage, I didn’t think I could create a tape mask for them, so I decided to hand-paint them.  I was aiming for a nice, deep-but-not-too-dark hunter green.  So I did one side in an acrylic paint. And... it’s not the RIGHT color.  I felt it was too yellowish, whereas I wanted a green that leaned more towards bluish.

So I went and bought more paint, hoping I could get a better color.  (Note: I was also, at this stage, afraid of mixing a custom color, because of the time it would take to paint all those details on BOTH sides of the paddle, needing it to dry between painting each side, and being worried that the custom-mixed acrylic would dry up before I could finish.)

Anyway -- after this attempt, it’s STILL WRONG.  Much too dark. Almost black in some lights.  

At this point I decided that I needed to use spray paint to get the color green I wanted.  But that would mean creating a tape mask for the trees.

So, stick with me here -- I still had the stencil that I had created, to line the pattern onto the paddle, to do the above painting.  But when I was doing the hand-painting, I allowed myself to go over those lines, and make the branches of the pine trees more robust.  But that meant I could not use the older stencil to create the tape mask, because it was now smaller than what I had painted ON the paddle, and wouldn’t cover the existing paint.  

So I got this translucent film (it’s actually for a laminating machine), traced the actual linework on the paddle, used an exacto knife to cut it out, and used THAT as a stencil.

At the same time, I decided to try to fix the problem with the color of the blue chevron, by buying a spray paint that said it was “slate blue”.  AND, I also had to create a little stencil and tape mask for the little pine trees up on the grip.

So yeah, once I had used the stencils to mark the lines of the pine trees on the taped areas, I then had to cut all along those lines with an exacto knife, and carefully peel away the tape on the parts I wanted the paint to go on.  On BOTH sides of the paddle.  

So, you’re not going to believe this, but... BOTH the blue and the green were STILL WRONG!   

The blue was WAY too light and not what I wanted at all.  (The color swatch on the spray can lied to me.)  This doesn’t show it, but the first pass I took with a “hunter green” spray resulted in trees that were also too light.  This was the SECOND spray painting of the trees, with a darker hunter green.  (While it looks very dark here, trust me, this one will actually work out in the end.)

In order to fix the blue chevron, I decided that I would have to custom-mix a color and hand-paint it.  

(You’ll notice above that I had also finally done the symbolic snow-caps on the “farther mountain”.)

This is probably the best pic I have showing the colors pre-varnishing.  This blue is perhaps not completely what I envisioned, but it was close enough that I don’t think it will bother me.  (I would also say that I wish the lavender of the “farther mountain” wasn’t quite so bright, either.  You know -- hat’s off to the “glacial lake” turquoise at the bottom, the only one I never had trouble with!)

I didn’t actually take pictures of all of the varnishing steps, but let me just tell you: so first I tried to use a spray varnish.  But I didn’t like the gritty texture it was producing, I wanted something smooth.  So I had to sand all of that off.  Then I got an oil-based liquid spar urethane (for waterproofing wood on boats and stuff), but it was very yellowish.  While that wasn’t a problem on the darker colors, it definitely could be seen over the lavender, the white, and the turquoise.  So then I had to sand THAT off all those bits.  And I got a water-based crystal clear gloss spar urethane that promised it would not yellow.  

Then I had to do like 4 coats of that, on each side.  And let it dry for a really long time between coats.  And I had to figure out how to do it so that I didn’t get too many long drips of the varnish.  (Problem: trying to do a coat of varnish with the paddle resting over the improvised saw-horses seen in the earlier pics led to problems.   Even letting the varnish dry for longer than usual, this was still August and kind of humid.  I would flip it over to do the other side and -- once I found that the plastic drop-cloth had bonded to the varnish; and I had to sand that off and re-coat those bits. Then, when I tried to rest it on cloth, I found that even though I’d let it dry thoroughly, there was an imprint of the cloth texture in where it had rested.  So I had to sand THAT off and re-coat those bits.  I finally hung it from the basement ceiling, which worked, except even with very thin coats, I got some drips as the varnish dried.  I would LOVE to know how the people who do this for a living get nice even coats of the varnish!)

So anyway, there it is, and the irony is that in the light in my living room, it’s not that easy to see the color of the pine trees anyway, lol.  But I still really like how it looks.  And as you will have seen in the top pics, it looks really nice outside in natural light.

Will I ever do one of these again?  Maybe!  But not soon.

(And if this inspires you to want to do this, and you want an even more exhaustive discussion of what I learned during the process, tips, and what I’d suggest avoiding, please do hit me up!  I will say that if you don’t care about being able to USE the canoe paddle for real afterwards -- if you just want something decorative -- you can get even cheaper canoe blanks on Etsy, and the varnishing would probably be even easier.)

[firstagent]

Fanfic Authors Tag Game

I was tagged by @ahiddenpath and I’m actually going to do this! If nothing else to take inventory.

AO3 name(s): I’m arpulver there and FFN. Fandoms: Been Digimon for the longest time, although I did have an original webnovel for a time, a couple crossover fics, and in a previous century had a website archiving and reviewing Simpsons fanfic. Number of fics:  9, not counting song parodies or script-format stuff I did back in the day.

1. Fic I spent the most time on:

Taken as an entire trilogy, The Connection took roughly five years. As individual stories, it’s a tossup between Level 3: Experiments and Neverworld at about 2.5 years. Nexusworld will surely pass those, but it’s going to be the longest.

2. Fic I spent the least time on:

Imaginary Girlfriend, written for the Dandan zine, took a couple weeks, not counting editing.

3. Longest fic: 

Currently Neverworld at about 256,000 words!

4. Shortest fic:

The Dandan zine had a 2,500 word limit. The posted version of Imaginary Girlfriend is only a teeny bit longer.

5. Most hits:

According to the FFN legacy stats, Neverworld edges out Level 1: Worlds and Odaiba Memorial Day, although it’s possible those two predate FFN’s hit tracking. Not saying I’m old, but my FFN account number is only four digits!

6. Most kudos:

Resumption, the uncomfortably prescient tale of the 02 kids post-tri. (written before its halfway point, is currently beating Neverworld 125-104!

7. Most comment threads:

Including FFN, Odaiba Memorial Day, my first proper Digimon fic, has 252 reviews.

8. Favorite fic I wrote:

For as much fame and attention I’ve gotten for my older stuff, it’s really a tossup between Neverworld and Nexusworld.

Neverworld was planned out before tri. was announced and while it gave me pause about writing the Adventure kids six years older at the same time canon was about to unveil something showing them in the same time frame, the idea of aging the characters of all (then) six seasons and throwing them into their very own Digital World playground to have interpersonal drama with each other was too enticing to pass up. And for as many curveballs as tri. threw at me, everything lined up neatly to incorporate its ideas and character interpretations into my story along with the way I had been portraying them. We ended up with the same Taichi and Mimi even! And for as easy as it is for long fics to go off the rails and become unmanageable, I’m proudest of the fact that it wrapped up every significant plotline and ended in a sensible place with a powerful climax.

Nexusworld, its sequel, came about because as much as I adored tri. and Appmon, they and Hunters left a lot of unfinished baggage that I wanted to address. The world gave me a chance to take Maki and Daigo, well before any of their misdeeds in tri., and put them next to two characters going through very similar problems: Haru and his desperate quest to bring back a lost loved one, and Tagiru, trying to recapture some of the glory from a victory that carried a big asterisk next to it. They also have to deal directly with Meiko, still reeling from her loss, the international kids and their organization post-tri., and a host of other new arrivals and old favorites. The emphasis on less popular seasons has made it harder to find an audience, but I’m finding the writing more direct and more meaningful than what I’ve put out before.

9. Fic you want to re-write:

Many years ago I actually did rewrite Level 1! The plan was to edit the trilogy, clean up some of the wonkier bits, fix some timeline issues, and put out an edition I’m prouder of, but I never got around to working on Level 2 or Level 3. While tri. thematically lines up nicely with The Connection trilogy, both it and Kizuna have poked enough holes in my timeline that such an edit doesn’t feel necessary anymore.

Despite its popularity, I’m not at all happy with the writing or character work in Odaiba Memorial Day, but I loved the format and I wonder if it might be neat to try it again using the canon time period between Kizuna and the epilogue (OMD gives everyone a different future because, shockingly, it was planned out before the Zero Two epilogue existed!).

10. Share bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on:

All of my Digimon ideas are worming their way into Nexusworld right now and I’m not sure if I’m doing another Digimon project once it’s done. So you’re getting a future Nexusworld scene with Meiko and Mimi!

[Meiko] dropped her bag next to the extended and unmade futon. After some hesitation, she removed her shoes and stretched out on the bed. At some point she’d have to go back out there and figure out what to say to Eri. With Mimi still taking care of her job, she could afford a few minutes to ponder, and even dozing off didn’t sound terrible. Only a minute of staring at the ceiling passed before the bed rustled. Mimi sprawled out next to her, narrow eyes probing back. “What’s wrong? Come on, no bottling it.” With a huff, she added, “What did Tai do? Do I need to make Yolei beat him up?” Meiko let a chuckle escape. As well as she thought she had been doing before, having Mimi back as a regular part of her life was pure delight. “It isn’t Tai. He was great. Actually it’s, um… Eri.” “Eri?!” Mimi’s eyes flared. “What did Eri do?! I don’t think Yolei could beat her up.”

[hexxalite-hecate]

I saw CATS 2019!

I’m pretty sure no-one asked for my review, but here it is. I am a positive person and I was predisposed to like this film, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t still have issues. I’m 50/50 at the moment. Lots of stuff didn’t land for me, but other things I LOVED.

I have a lot of feelings ok.

I found the way they started the movie… slightly underwhelming? Idk how to articulate this, it’s weird. I do like the concept of Victoria being tossed away in the sack and the tribe singing the opening number as if they’re questioning her. But I felt like there wasn’t much buildup before slamming STRAIGHT into a full on dance number with a screen full of indistinguishable cat figures, which I think is why a lot of people experienced that “what the fuck is this” feeling in theatres, especially if they weren’t familiar with the show. I think it might have been more effective if they’d slowed up and used the show’s format of having characters creep onstage in ones and twos, some lingering closeups on faces, their lyrics being their introduction, instead of smashing us in the face with a homogenous chorus that’s very difficult to pick individuals from. It doesn’t help that they gave the chorus cats very little diversity in fur colour or distinguishing marks.

The CGI… oh man. I legitimately thought this wouldn’t be one of my gripes, because I can deal with a lot of uncanny valley and I have a forgiving imagination. But I wasn’t prepared for the CGI to actually look UNFINISHED. The cockroaches looked like chunky mesh files with low res textures. Their faces looked pasted on using one of those ‘Make Yourself Into Santa’s Elves!!!’ websites. I have a feeling this is going to date very badly because it already looks like it was made 20 years ago by the same people who worked on the Scorpion King.

The cats themselves were good in closeup – beautiful in fact – but it was the wide shots and background characters that the CGI seemed to struggle the most with. It felt like they just ran out of time and didn’t have the budget or the experience to realistically render over all those complex dance moves. Having said that, Victoria is full on, knock-out beautiful. I think 90% of the CGI budget went on her and it wasn’t wasted.

Something about the music bothered me. I watched a few reviews that broke it down - this one aligns most closely with my opinions - and I think this is a twofold problem. First of all, while many of the actors have good voices, there were moments where they came across as weak or wavery, and I’m not sure why. The quality of sound felt a bit flat and dead, like they’d been stuffed into a cupboard filled with soundproofing equipment. Nearly every note is cut off quickly, making even the largest numbers sound lacklustre and underwhelming – maybe it’s because I had Helen Massey’s spine-tingling rendition in mind, but Victoria’s delivery of “like a flower as the dawn is breaking” during Memory was a huge disappointment. I know they’re singing from poetry, but a lot of the time it sounded as if they were literally just reading off a sheet with very little variation in intonation (The Jellicle Ball is especially guilty of this). It is possible to recite lines of poetry without sounding monotonous.

Secondly, the actual instrumentation isn’t up to scratch in my opinion. It sounds tinny and synthy, like it was recorded in a 16 year old’s bedroom with a drum machine and an 8-track. The opening song was the worst for this, in my opinion. Like the recited lyrics, it sounds like it’s been programmed in. The tempo is samey and feels a little too fast for me. There’s no lingering notes; no emotion in the instrumentation.

The only song I really liked was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer’s slinky slow jazz switchup, which everyone else seemed to hate. Go figure. But I actually thought it fit these new Mungo and Rumple characters perfectly. They seemed a bit darker, a bit more dangerous. Their duet was more sultry and subtle, so the lack of reverb and big orchestrals didn’t seem out of place. It also allowed their dialects to shine without them having to shout cockney rhyming slang in each other’s faces. Idk, it worked for me. Skimble’s number was good, but I feel it was less the actual instrumentation and more the staging of the performance and talent of the dancers that made it work. Same goes for Bomba’s Macavity.

Also PHEW. I AM HERE FOR SEXYSHANKS. Glow up! When did tapdancing become sexy? DURING THIS FILM IS THE ANSWER. Also did you notice him putting on his tapshoes backstage during Gus’ song? I liked that.

Something else positive! I LOVED the choreography of the Jellicle Ball (minus the body-popping which I could really have done without). There were so many talented dancers in this production. I really liked how they did all this, like, huffing and purring? It just sounded different and raw, tense and exciting, and for the first time I believed these characters were really into this. You could hear the dancers breathing as they worked. I LOVED that.

Victoria’s dance during the Ball was beautiful. Her new solo number was pretty as well. Francesca Hayward put so much emotion into her whole performance; her face is so expressive. She was the perfect choice. It was a total joy to watch her. Honestly, for me, she and Robbie Fairchild were the stars of the show from a performance arts standpoint.

Speaking of Robbie Fairchild, something I hadn’t expected was the insane chemistry between his Munkustrap and Francesca’s Victoria. Munk comes across as infatuated with Victoria from the second he lays eyes on her. This was an interesting addition. It’s not lampshaded as clearly as Misto’s crush, but particularly in the first half, Munk reads as possessive and almost jealous (“Where have you been!?”) and he’s always finding excuses to touch her and interact with her. There are a LOT of lingering held gazes and face touches, especially in The Naming Of Cats. I kind of dig it?

Someone suggested the alternate title of this movie should be “Victoria’s hot girl summer” and I’m so here for that

I loved Judi as Old Deut. Obviously she can’t sing but as most of the voices are more low-key in this production, it didn’t seem out of place. Ian was equally fabulous as Gus; he acted his little fluffy ass off. I also loved how they portrayed Misto as admiring him and learning from him, one performing cat to another. They way Misto copied his little ‘touch wood’ ritual was adorable. I really liked this addition to the story.

I wasn’t mad at the Mistoria – I kind of shipped them as a tween before I understood Misto’s chemistry with Tugger, and Tugger was completely neutered in this production anyway (I wonder what the reason for that was). Bomba being Macavity’s lackey was a strange departure, but I’m glad they tried some new stuff – if I wanted the stage show, I’d watch the stage show. It felt weird not to see Bomba and Demeter together though. And it would have felt absolutely wrong to have Demeter as a lackey as well.

While I love Idris Elba and I love Macavity’s design (before he lost that hat and coat, that is), about halfway through he stopped working for me. I think, strangely enough, his new lines and material felt too… childish? Which seems like a ridiculous complaint for a movie about singing dancing cats. But CATS has always been a bit sexual, a bit ethereal, and Macavity’s hokey villainy seemed more at home in a Scooby Doo episode. I think it makes the movie feel a bit confused, especially for the general public who aren’t familiar with the musical. Is this movie for kids or adults? If it’s for adults, why does the villain sound like he’s one pokemon from wailing “Team Rocket’s blasting off agaaaaaaain!”? If it’s for kids, why are these cats so horny??

Although it does make me laugh when people pearl-clutch about how horny the 2019 cats are, when the 1998 orgy scene exists on Youtube for all to find.

Despite some misgivings, I actually really liked the movie and I think it will grow on me each time I see it. It will probably never replace the 1998 version for me, but why should it? The existence of one doesn’t nullify the other. There’s room for both of them. Every stage production of CATS has its own quirks and differences, so why shouldn’t this?

I think we can all agree that Jenny’s creepy zip-up skinsuit can be consigned to the mists of time, though.

[blueposthings]

Little Informant (pt. 1)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1.6k+

--------------------------------------

You’ve always lived your life on the edge, having a father who was the STRIKE team’s commander for SHIELD does that to you. You’ve never slept without a gun on your bedside table since you were ten years old. And when your father didn’t return after going on a mission that one night three years ago, you’ve expected and prepared for the worst. However, despite the absence of your father in that fairly long period of time, you’ve always hoped against hope that he will come back one day. He always did, even that time he returned with horrific injuries all over his body that you had to tend everyday for months until it healed.

That’s why you’ve never touched his belongings, you’ve never entered his room, just like he always told you to –claiming that it was for your own safety, the information that you might find in his room might put you in danger –and you knew better than to disobey.

But now that it has hit the third anniversary of his disappearance, you felt like it was the right time to let him go. To let your hope go.

You sat in his room that has gone untouched for the last three years, rummaging through his stuff. That’s when you found his trusty ‘ol laptop. Though a bit inappropriate at the current circumstances, you thought about selling it. You’ve been working four part time jobs to cover your living expenses, and sometimes  that’s not even enough and you were forced to pickpocket from people on the streets to last another day, so it seemed sensible.

But it had to be hidden for a reason, you thought. So you turned it on to check for any top secret files that might fall in to the wrong hands if you sell the laptop just like that.  However, what you found was not something you expected. Instead of files and information on SHIELD, it was HYDRA. Missions upon missions that was labelled “completed”.

The most shocking part? Your father was involved in every single one of them. Whether it be the man in charge or the executioner, his name is always on those files.

And that was not all, you found out that your father, after leaving HYDRA, had formed a team called Hero Mercs. Apparently his last mission was with them, in Lagos, Nigeria. In addition, you also found a list of unfinished missions. At this point you were surprised that World War III was still not happening, for now at least.

After pondering for two sleepless nights, you decided to do the pragmatic thing. You got up from your bed, and pull out your own laptop. Thanks to the fact that your father lived a dangerous life –and therefore so did you, you learnt how to do a thing or two most kids your age were not able to do. That includes hacking in to even the world’s most secured systems, of course you didn’t do it often, usually you only use your skills to hack in to your school’s website to change a few Cs in your report card, but now it seemed like the only thing that would work. And you proceed to hack in to the The Avengers Facility’s main system. You didn’t do much, just made a few changes here and there and you left your message,

“To: Stark. Canal St., Tomorrow 11 PM. THIS IS NOT A THREAT”.

-------------------

To untrained eyes, the glimpses of shadow on top of the buildings are just birds –not Hawkeye, White Wolf, nor Falcon, the man reading the newspapers on the bench is just a regular citizen and definitely not the infamous Steve Rogers, the woman on the parked motorbike is just on her phone –not Black Widow talking to her in-ear.

You sighed to yourself, “I don’t even know why I tried.”

Despite all the uninvited guests, you approached the man leaning on one of the pillars, hiding under his hoodie and cap even though it was near midnight. You tighten your grip on the USB in your jacket pocket and took a deep breath before walking to his line of sight.

“You didn’t seem to understand what I meant when I say ‘not a threat’,” You spoke, announcing your arrival.

The man in front of you crooked his head to the side a little, obviously not expecting to meet a young teenager in this situation. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I think you heard me just fine, Mr. Stark.” You smiled politely.

“That was you?” He voiced.

“I did say it wasn’t a threat,” You exhorted. “You can call off your guard dogs now,”

Tony hesitated for a second before continuing, “Can’t be too careful,”

You shrugged. “Suit yourself then.”

“Why are we here?” He questioned.

You pulled out the USB from your pocket and showed it to him. “For this.”

“And what is that?”

“Something you might want, even if you don’t you should take it anyways.” You noted. “The safety of the world might depend on it.”

“Is that so, huh?” He challenged before taking a closer look at you. “Let me get this straight, a what- twelve year old? Hacked to my building, one of the most secured building in history and says they want to meet, then claim they have a secret for world peace?”

“First off, I’m not twelve.” You began. “Second, that’s not what I said. Listen, I’m trying to be nice and polite here, but you’re making it very hard.”

Tony then appears to be listening to his in-ear before saying, “shut up, Rogers.” Then you saw a shadow approaching from where you had seen Captain America sitting earlier. You watched him walk near with a small smile on his face, and you returned the gesture.

“I’m sorry, kid, it’s just hard to believe that someone your age- or anyone at all, really- can hack in to The Avengers HQ.” He said as he stopped in front of the two of you.

You nodded, “I get that, and trust me, I wouldn’t do so if it wasn’t important.”

Steve then took the USB from your hand. “So what’s this?”

“You ever heard of the Hero Mercs?” You asked, shoving your hands back in to your pocket.

“No.” Tony answered.

“I’ll explain later.” Steve glanced over to his friend before turning back to you, “I have, what about it?”

“That consists of some –if not all of their plans, past and future. Hit list, nuclear codes, locations of bio-hazard materials, the whole nine yards. End of the world, basically.”

“Hold up,” Tony interrupted. “Come again?”

“Hero Mercs, is –was an organization of terrorist and highly skilled mercenary. It was led by Brock Rumlow.” Steve explained to his companion, not noticing how you tensed up at the mention of your late father.

“Brock Rumlow? That name sound familiar.” Tony pondered aloud.

“He was a SHIELD agent, one of the best. But it turns out he was working for HYDRA the whole time.” Steve recalled for the younger.

“Ah,” realization hit his face. “I remember that bastard-”

You cleared your throat, bringing their attention back to you. “That’s what I came here for, to give you that. I’m gonna go now,”

Before you could turn Steve grabbed you by the arm. “How did you find this information?” He interrogated.

“Somewhere,” you shrugged off his grip, “it doesn’t matter where I got it.”

“Of course it matters, kid.” Tony spoke up. “We have to know whether your sources –whether you are reliable or not.”

You sighed and considered your options. There was no point in lying really. “A laptop.”

“Whose?” Steve pushed.

“Brock Rumlow’s,” you muttered.

“And how in the hell did you get your hands on Rumlow’s laptop?” Tony hissed.

Steve gave Tony a side glare before composing himself. “Kid, how did you get Rumlow’s laptop?”

You turned your eyes to the ground for a second before staring the older men in the eye. “He was my father.”

Then it was silent –you swore you heard someone mutter “what the hell?” behind you, sounded like Barnes.

“You serious?” Tony croaked.

“Why would I lie?” You affirmed strongly but you gaze was starting to waver.

“You’re Rumlow’s kid?” Steve inquired, still in a state of shock.

“Yes, I am,” you sighed. “Look if you don’t trust me, I don’t blame you. My father had done a lot of messed up shit in the past, I can’t right his wrong –he’s done too much wrong. I only found out a few days ago, but I just- I don’t know, I guess this is just me trying to prove to myself that I’m not like him. I just want you to take that, whether you actually do something about it or not, that’s your decision. The important thing is I’ve done my part.”

Steve snapped out of his trance as you walked away, he then once again stopped you from doing so by stepping in front of you. You looked up at him and he studied your face. It was just then that he could point out the similarities you and your father have, your eyes, the high bridge of your nose, your sharp jawline. And suddenly he was thrown back to three years ago, when he watched Rumlow get thrown to his death.

“Shit,” he whispered under his breath as he lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry. If I had known I would’ve figured something else out.”

Before you can ask what he meant, he continued.

“I shouldn’t have killed him.” He said quietly, but you heard nevertheless.

Your eyes shot back up to him in surprise before you chuckled a humorless laugh. “That’s new information for me.”

Once again surprise was written on his face, not a second later, it was replaced by guilt and regret. “I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“Me too.” You said quietly. Then you stepped away from him, continuing to walk away.

“You can’t just leave!” You heard Stark call but you didn’t stop.

“He’s right, kid. It’s dangerous out there for you to be alone.” Steve agreed.

“I’ll manage. How do you think I survived the past three years?”

Part 2

[peaches-of-1]

Update 2/17/2020

So, I said last night that I’d have an update for you. Here it is.

I have been working more on my side blog iris-idol more than this one here, and so that’s a whole world unto itself. Still, I have several unfinished projects and unanswered asks that I need to address.

Do not hesitate to inquire about things I might have missed / forgotten to include.

1. Peachtober Day 30 - I need to do the last day of Peachtober, and it is a very extensive process that I do for writing my musical AUs. My sleep schedule is trash, and I wake up at 4pm giving me no time to really get my day started and into a groove for that sort of intense thing. I do plan to do so

2. BTS Naga!AU- Posted the first chapter in November. I will finish this before summer. I promise. I just have two chapters to figure out because I wrote myself into a corner in the first chapter and thought it would work itself out...it didn’t.

3. Jungkook MLM!AU- It is something I’ve put off for nearly two years I think? I’ve gained more confidence in writing the BTS maknae since hiding from that project (cuz let’s be real, I was terrified about writing that chapter anyways)

4. Circus!AU - Another thing that I started and got overwhelmed with. It got so much so fast, and I tried to plan ahead but that just made me even more scared and freaked out. I wanna do more thoough, so my plan is to start this again DURING SUMMER. So around May or June, this will start up again

5. BWAM w/ Jay Park & G-Dragon- I’ll be putting a poll up for this pretty soon with a few questions about one of my fave smuts

6. Training - My smuttiest smut and probably the reason a lot of you are here. I haven’t been in a smutty mood recently, and that one is just for fun. So when the mood comes, so will Y/N in that story.

7. Moodboards / Reactions - I will reply to all of those and see if anyone is still interested in me doing those or not. Specifically with moodboards, the main website that I use to make these may or may not be shutting down its free service and I have yet to familiarize myself with my backup since it’s so different and more limited cuz I don’t have photoshop

Overall, I’ve been preoccupied with a different blog and scared about possible backlash from my fanfics. I literally have only gotten 1 or 2 hate messages in my whole time running this blog, so IDK why I’m scared. I’m really sensitive to that stuff, but I know it’ll be ok overall.

TL;DR: I will be finishing my projects and will be posting more, just give me some time and summer will be jopping with new fics and moodboards.

Thank you for all ur support. ~Peaches

[avengerscompound]

The Little Guy

The Big Guy:  A Bruce Banner Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bruce Banner x F!Reader

Word Count:  2341

Warnings:  Slight Angst, Fluff, Pregnancy, Smut (F|M, Vaginal sex)

Synopsis:  Meeting the big green guy wasn’t exactly a normal day, you didn’t expect it to you leading a life on the run and keeping your child’s nature from the world.

The Little Guy

Bruce Banner scrambled back from you, the woman whose arms were just a moment ago wrapped around him.  You were a stranger but somehow you seemed familiar to him.  The last thing he remembered was being holed up in an apartment building in Florida.

Then… then… a swat team had bashed down his door.

He looked around panicked.  “Who are you?”

You both said the words at the same time and it startled him even more.  He looked around at the wide open field he was in.  It was bordered by forest and a cabin stood at one end and at the other, an old barn with brightly colored childish pictures painted down the side.

He looked down at himself.  He was naked and a chain of daisies hung around his neck.  Nothing was adding up.  He looked back up at you and saw the same confusion on your face.  “Where am I?  How long was he…?  Oh god, did he hurt you?  Are you okay?  What did he do?”  He said coming a little closer to you.

You stumbled back from him.  “You - you’re naked.”  You stuttered.

Bruce looked down at himself and quickly grabbed the oversized pair of pants that had pooled around his ankles and pulled them up covering himself awkwardly.  He looked down at himself again.  The pants were handmade, and a lot of care had been taken in the stitching.  The daisy chain still hung from his neck.  It was clear that daintier fingers than the other guy’s would have been needed to make it.  He looked over at the barn again taking in the simple artwork that reached high up on the wall and suddenly everything clicked in place.  “Have I been living here?”

“Who are you?”  You asked again, still cowering from him.  “What happened to Hulk?”

“That’s … I’m the Hulk,”  Bruce said, looking you up and down.  “Well, I mean, I’m not … did he hurt you?  What’s going on?  How long has it been?”

“How can you be Hulk?”  You yelled.  Bruce startled and backed away from you a bit more.

“It … I was doing these tests.  I made a miscalculation.   He’s the result.”  Bruce explained hoping you’d stop panicking soon because he really needed to panic right now.  “Please, when he’s in control I … I’m not anywhere.”

You shook your head.  “I don’t know.  You’ve been here with me for two months.”

“What’s the date?”  He asked you.  “And where’s here?”

You took a couple of deep steadying breaths, calming yourself.  You had just seen the giant green man you had been getting to know transform before your eyes into this much smaller white man.  If you could get used to the Hulk being around, you could get used to this.  “Come inside. I think there should be some clothes that fit you.  My dad and uncles come up here a lot.”

After you have given him a change of clothes and make him tea you sit down and fill him in.  You tell him the when and the where.  You tell him how you met the Hulk.  How you’d become friends.  That you were just planning on going back home because you needed to work.

He, in turn, tells you about the experiments that made him what he is.  How the government had come for him.  How they wanted to use him as a weapon.

“I can’t believe he was in charge for almost 4 months.  It’s usually something that goes away when I sleep.”  Bruce said, shaking his head.  “You’re sure he didn’t hurt you?”

“Do I look hurt?”  You asked.  The question had become a little tiresome and this whole situation was making you feel a little frayed at the edges.

“No.  But, that’s out of character.  I just - I can’t get my head around…”  He said shaking his head.  “You said he talked to you?”

“Yes.  We were friends.  Well, he’s kind of like a little kid.  But he’d come when there was cooking.  We played little games together.  He liked to paint and one time he sat still and let me paint his skin like it was a canvas.”  You explained.

Bruce shook his head again and he ran his hands through his hair.  “I don’t know what to do.  Or where to go.  All my stuff was in Florida.”

You sat back in your chair and rubbed your temples.  “We’re pretty far from Florida.”

“I know.”  Bruce lamented.

You didn’t say anything for a while.  “I’m completely cut off here.  You can stay but I don’t know what you would do for money.  And other people in my family come up here.”

“I know.  That’s - that’s not fair to you.  I’ll try and figure something out.  If I had a phone maybe… I don’t know.”  He said looking at his hands.

You sighed and there was a silence again for a few moments.  “You can come and stay with me.  I don’t know.  If you’re really wanted.  I live in the city.  But I have a loft and it’s big.  There’s a rooftop garden.  You can stay.  Figure out your next move.”

He looked at you like a hopeful puppy.  All that was missing was the wagging tail.  “Really?  You wouldn’t mind?”

“No.  That’s okay.  I don’t know you, but I knew him.  I’ll trust you because I trust him.”  You answered.

Bruce shook his head like he was trying to clear it.  “That was not something I thought I’d ever hear in my lifetime.  I really don’t understand anything that’s happening right now.”

You and Bruce made the long drive back into the city with only two stops. You got fuel and grabbed some gas station snacks and the crappy egg salad sandwiches they sold and then stopped at the next rest stop to eat them.  It was one of those ones that always seem like the place hill people select their next victims in b grade horror movies.  You’d stretched and eaten by the side of the road before moving on your way.

By the time you arrived home, it was past midnight and you were both exhausted but you knew a whole lot more about each other.  This small soft-spoken man was the opposite of the Hulk in so many ways but it was strange because you could still see him in there.

You led him up to your loft.  It was a large industrial style space that was broken into two.  The first part was your living room, gallery, kitchen, and studio.  There were racks of finished paintings standing on one side of the room and racks of empty canvases on the other.   Several of your favorite paintings hung on the wall and there were a few unfinished pieces next to crates of paints and brushes in the corner.  A large couch sat in the middle of the room with a coffee table covered in stacks of sketchbooks and piles of pencils and charcoal.  The room on the other end of the loft was your bedroom on the left and a bathroom with an old clawfoot tub on the right.

“The couch folds out.”  You said pointing to it.  “I’ll get you some blankets.  I might have some of my exes clothes here.  He was bigger than you.  If you tell me your size I can duck out and get you some more clothes.”

“You don’t need to do that,”  Bruce said meekly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.  “You’ve already done enough.”

You waved him off.  “You can’t just wear ill-fitting clothes the whole time.  I sewed for Hulk, I can shop for you.  I have to go out anyway buy some food.”  You grabbed some blankets, sheets, pillows, and towels and brought them back to him in a stack.  “Here you go.  The bathrooms through there.”  You said, pointing.  “I’m just going to get ready to sleep and crash after that make yourself at home.

The following day you made good on your promise going out and picking up groceries and clothes.  When you get home you try to get your life back on track.  Returning to your art as Bruce tries to figure out what to make his next move.

That took a lot longer than you both thought.  He had money but accessing it meant the government would be able to track him.  He had friends and people in the deep web but he wasn’t sure which of them had sold him out.

You would tell him it was fine but to begin with it kind of wasn’t.  It was hard working with him always around.  It was hard to relax.  Letting a strange man stay with you occasionally felt like the stupidest thing you could possibly have done.  But as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months it became fine.  He helped out around the apartment, cleaning, filing your paintings.  He worked in the garden.  He fixed those little niggling issues that had been plaguing the place.  He helped you with some IT things, setting up a website to organize clients to come through and to sell paintings online.  He kept saying these things weren’t his expertise but he did them without being asked anyway.

He started doing science in a corner you let him set up for himself.  Often just checking his own blood.  Not that he exactly had a lab anymore.  You’d bought a few second-hand things for him on eBay.  You felt like you owed him for the things he had done for you, even though he said he’d done them because he owed you for what you’d done for him.

You missed the Hulk occasionally but there were times when you could see a green glint in his eyes or he’d smile a certain way and you could see him as clear as day.

On paper, you and Bruce Banner were so different.  He was quiet and analytical.  He liked logic and structure.  Science was his passion and put so much of himself into it.  Whereas you were chaotic and noisy.  You liked mess and sound.  You were an artist right down to your core.  Yet somehow you just worked well together.  Gradually you realized that this wasn’t just the feeling you had for your friends.  You were actually a little bit in love with him.

It was a Wednesday night and you were taking a bath.  You had a bath pillow behind your head and there were candles burning on the windowsill.  You had thrown a bath bomb in the water and now you sat soaking in the vanilla scented water that swirled, pink and blue around you.

There was a knock on the door and when you told him it was safe, Bruce came in holding two mugs in his hands.

“Made you tea.”  He said offering you a cup.

You took it and had a sip watching Bruce as he sat on the end of the tub.

“I made contact with a friend of an old colleague.  I haven’t said who I am exactly or where.  I think he might be able to help me with at least a part of my problem and if he’s gone, then the military might stop caring about me too.”  He said.

“I wish you wouldn’t call him a problem.”  You said putting your cup down on the corner of the bath.  

Bruce sighed.  “You don’t know what it’s like.  I lose time.  He destroys things.  I never know if I’ve hurt or killed people when I come back.”

You rubbed his leg, leaving a wet patch on his pants.  “I know.  But he’s not bad.  I think he’s trying to protect you.”

“He hates me,”  Bruce said.

You shrugged.  “If you say so.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment.  He just sat holding his tea and looking down into the colorful water.

“Why don’t you get in?”  You asked.

He looked at you startled.  “What?”

“Get in with me.”  You repeated.

He looked around the room and a deep blush crept into his cheeks.  “But…”

“I’ve seen you naked before.  And you’re comfortable enough to just be sitting there.  Why not?”  You asked.  It wasn’t a demand.  Just a suggestion.  He looked at you trying to assess if you were serious before putting his own mug down and getting up.

He stripped off his clothes turned away from you like he was trying to keep his modesty.

“You want me to close my eyes?”  You asked.

He shrugged a little and turned to face you pushing his pants down and quickly stepping into the water.  The water level rose right to the lip but didn’t spill over.  There was a moment where Bruce didn’t seem to know where he wanted to put his feet, but eventually, he nestled them in on each side of your hips.

“You don’t seem very relaxed.”  You teased.

“I just - you don’t think this is weird?”  He asked.

“I would have thought given how we met, nothing is really that weird.”  You answered relaxing back in the water.  He kept staring at you, his body stiff and uncomfortable looking.  “Bruce.  You didn’t have to get in you know.”

He didn’t say anything, he just kept staring.  “I like you too, you know?”

You looked him in the eye.  “I know.”

“It can’t happen.  I want it to.  But… I have such a thin hold and if he comes out…”  He said.

“What?  I’d show him my art and we’d do some painting together?  It’s not like my loft isn’t big enough to hold him.”  You shot back.  “I know him, Bruce.  Better than you do.”

Bruce sighed and looked you over.  For a moment you thought he was angry at you. He suddenly lunged forward making the water from the bath splash violently over the side and his mouth was on yours.  You wrapped your arms around him and sinking back into the water and smiling into the kiss.

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