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findmeinforks · 2 years ago

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Not Letting You Go Easy - Paul Lahote x Fem!Reader

IM BACKKKKKKK!!! Wow I just checked my last fic and it's been TWO years. Does anyone even remember me? 🥹 I'm back on my twilight bs, this one is my longest ever! Let me know what you think! - 3.2K Words ❤️

*Second Person POV*

The sun poured on your face as you soaked in all the warmth it allowed. You missed the sun, watching the palm trees sway peacefully as the ocean tide rolls in. The goosebumps that arise on your skin as a strong breeze passes, the warmth blanketing back over them.

You keep your eyes shut as your mouth curls up in a smirk, listening faintly to your mom try and convince your sister to stay in Jacksonville. She could offer up the moon and all the stars...Bella would still choose Edward, every time. It's true that you were weary of the vampire, after she flew like a bat out of hell half way across the world to Italy to save him. But could you blame her?

If it wasn't for your sister stumbling her way into the supernatural world, it's possible you could have never met Paul. A blush crept up your cheeks as you crack a full smile, thinking back to the day you met the hot head.

There was absolutely zero hesitation when you followed behind Bella in the truck to go to Jacob's. You had been worried for weeks about your sister, who had been spiraling ever since she was ghosted a second time by someone she trusted. Not only did you care about your her, but Jacob too. He had been around your family for years, and this behavior...especially towards Bella...was concerning. So when she frantically barged in your room asking you to go with, you were out of the house in minutes.

You had taken off in a sprint to try and keep up with your sisters manic running towards the group of shirtless men in Jacob's backyard. You heard rumors of the so called "cult" that had formed in the recent weeks. Jacob's haircut and tattoo had confirmed that part. But seeing the others approach through his window, you knew this was going to be a bad idea. You barely had time to catch your breath before her hand came in contact with one of their faces. You let a gasp slip as you made it in time to yank her back by the elbow.

What had gotten into her!?

Not able to process why she would resort to slapping him in the first place, the man, who looked like a carbon copy of the other ones standing around, began to shake violently. The others were urging you both to get back while attempting to calm him down. Never in your life had you witnessed such immense anger. In seconds his shakes became tremors. It was as if he ripped apart, and in his place stood a massive grey wolf. Mirroring the emotions of the man before, the animal was growling, snarling at your sister with its teeth bared.

Your heart was beating out of your chest. You felt as if you were dreaming, blinking rapidly to make sure this was real. Not standing around to question the animal who could very well kill you, Bella grabbed your hand and you both booked it towards the house. The outburst must have woken Jacob, who was running towards the scene. Bellas blood curdling scream was telling him to go back, though he kept charging forward.

You both fell hands first onto the grass as Jacob launched over you both, shreds of clothes flying as yet another wolf emerged.

Now it was you who was shaking. The only thing that prevented you from having a panic attack was realizing that all the other men were calm, as if this happened all the time. You swallowed your fear as you accepted the hand of one of the younger men, who led you two back to the truck by the order of the oldest one.

As you walked into the cozy secluded home, your mind was running a million miles a minute. They were werewolves....as if after learning vampires existed wasnt a shock enough already.

The oldest one, fiancé, Emily, you had learned, helped ease some of the headache. Besides the scar she wore upon her face that made your stomach drop when you first saw her, she was the epitome of kindness. You could see when she was greeted by Sam that their love was far more deep rooted than the mark she wore. Only knowing her for an hour, you felt happy for the girl.

You vaguely registered Jacob returning, finally looking away from the couple when you heard an unfamiliar voice apologize to Bella. As he then turned your way, you both locked eyes. An electric current jolted through your body, through your veins as you held his stare. You felt a fuzzy warm feeling race its way all the way down to your toes. The feeling lasted what felt like forever, until Jacob's "no fucking way...." pulled you back to earth. It's as if you had been some other place. A place of immense happiness and love. You knew you looked as bright as a tomato when you realized all eyes were on the two of you, mortified they caught you staring.

You did a quick scan of the room, noticing they were paying more attention to the man rather than you, who, was still staring.

When you craned your neck to look at Bella behind you, you found relief in that she looked just as confused.

The man was slapped on the back by Embry, which snapped him out of his trance. He quietly introduced himself as Paul. You blushed hard when you quickly said your name back. As if to break the tension in the room, Jacob asked you both to go for a walk.

Before you left, you had sworn you heard Paul growl.

"Not now. She's been through too much today already." Sam lowly said to him. You furrowed your brows as you trailed behind your sister out of the house.

After a walk on the beach and many questions answered, you were able to take a deep breath. The world was getting scary for you, but Jacob seemed to ease your fears, promising he would always protect you both.

Before he dropped you both off at your house, he had mentioned going to a pack bonfire the following night. You couldn't help but get excited at the prospect of seeing Paul again. You both hadn't even spoke other than introductions, but there was some type of spark in your core when you both met.

Attempting to shove it away, you reminded yourself it was nothing but a crush.

You sat on a log by the fire, rubbing your hands together in front of it. Everyone was up gathering their food, but you were focused on the warmth as it was more than chilly outside. Nerves bubbled in you as Paul approached, asking to sit next to you. Your cheeks heated as he sat, only inches away.

"I just wanted to apologize about yesterday," he spoke, his voice gruff as he looked into the fire. "You could have gotten hurt and I let my anger get the best of me. I promise I'm not like that all the time, and I don't want you to be afraid of me."

Your heart melted at how softly he spoke. "It's really alright. My sister acts out of impulse, if you couldn't tell." This got him to laugh lightly. You laughed too, until a strong breeze made you break out into a shiver.

Paul immediately noticed, grabbing a blanket from the pile beside him. "Here," he said as he wrapped one around you. His warmth radiated off you as he had gotten closer to do so. Not even realizing what you were saying you spoke, "I bet your girlfriend never gets cold with you around." To your embarrassment but surprise he cracked a big smile. "I bet she would, if I had one." It was your turn to smile. "What about you?" You shook your head no as Paul let out a small breath that almost sounded like relief.

Before either of you could say something more, everyone gathered around the fire. The legends of the tribe had you captivated. So much history that you were never aware of, right under your nose. You could feel Paul glance at you every so often, gauging your reaction to everything that was said.

When the fire died down and Jacob's dad came to a stopping point, everyone quietly mingled until deciding to call it a night. You had talked to Paul the entire time, getting to know the basics. You had a lot more in common than you thought. The more you learned about him, the more you liked him. A lot. He followed you to Bella's truck, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I had a really good time tonight" you spoke softly, now inches away from his face. You were so close you could feel his breath.

"I did too. I hope this won't be the last time I see you?" he questioned.

You glanced past him to see Bella and Jacob making their way up the hill.

"With everything going on, everything that's happening...I have a feeling we won't be going away anytime soon."

Paul smiled.

This is the part where he'll kiss me, you think. Your heart beats fast in anticipation.

But Paul just stands there. Staring. He stood there so long that you cleared your throat awkwardly.

"I'll see you around Paul." You tried to hide the disappointment on your face as you climbed into the truck and shut the door. He had let you, still standing there for a moment before turning around to walk back to the house.

Tears welled up in your eyes. How foolish were you, to think that a guy like Paul Lahote would just sweep you off your feet? Sure, a kiss might be moving fast for the first night, but he didn't even give you his number. You analyzed everything you had said to each other. Nothing was even romantic, so why on earth would you think he liked you back? Pathetic.

Bella said goodbye to Jacob and got in the truck. One thing you loved most about your sister was that she knew you better than anyone else. And if there was one thing you hated, it was when people asked if you were upset. One look in your direction and she didn't say a word, starting the truck and driving off. She knew when you were ready to talk, you would.

*Paul's POV*

I turned around, watching the truck drive away, getting smaller and smaller in the distance. I was frozen in place.

What is wrong with me?

"Everything go okay?" Sam approached, clearly sensing my distress.

"I'm never like this with women, Sam. I should have kissed her, but I didn't. I stood there, right in front of her with my mouth open like a fucking fish. I-I've never felt this way-" I rambled on.

"Dude it's alright" Sam interrupted, "Did you tell her that she's your imprint?"

I sighed. "I didn't even get that far. I don't, I don't want her to feel forced to like me like that right away. I want to treat it like a normal relationship....but I think I went ahead and screwed it up anyways." I huffed.

Sam placed his hand on my shoulder. "Deep breathes. You didn't screw anything up, you just met her. You can tell her about the imprinting when you're comfortable....as far as the kiss, well, it's never too late." Sam held up keys to his vehicle, putting them in my hand. "Only if you need them." He slapped me on the shoulder, winking, as he walked back to where Emily was.

I watched him sneak up behind her, she giggled as he peppered kisses on the back of her neck. I knew what he was doing. And it was working, as I made my way towards his car.

*Back to Second Person POV*

You sniffled, taking a deep breath. You were done crying over this man. This man you had literally just met. So what if he didn't like you? There is a million other people out there. Why did you care so much?

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. Charlie was gone over night on a hunting trip and Bella was fast asleep.

Another knock. It was almost damn near midnight. As you slowly approached the door, bat in hand, you looked through the peep hole.

It was Paul.

You flung open the door, ready to ask him what the hell him problem was, when he lunged forward. Grabbing you by the face, he kissed you feverishly. Your heart pounded in your chest as you melted into the kiss, tongues dancing together in perfect harmony. One hand held you by the hair as the other grabbed you by the waist, pulling you impossibly closer. When you both needed to breathe you pulled away, Paul's hand held tightly so you couldn't go too far. He leaned his forehead against yours, panting.

"I am so sorry I didn't do this when you left. You, you make me nervous. It's a feeling I've never really had before. When you left I- I didn't want to let you go that easy. I'm sorry." He said.

You leaned in to kiss him once, slowly, softly. "I've been waiting for you to do that," you smiled. "There's a lot more where that came from...if you'll have me." he said, his hand sliding down to interlock with yours, bringing back up to place a gentle kiss on the top.

"I couldn't imagine anything better." you grinned.

*Paul's POV*

Y/N guided me to the couch, asking to stay awhile. We held each other until the sun came up, just talking. It was as if everything right there had changed for me. She would be my number one priority, to have and protect. I vowed to myself that I would do anything she asked, that I will love her no matter the cost. Whatever makes her happy.

I had to leave before Charlie got home, but not without a heated make out session at the door. It took everything in me to pull away from her, both of us lingering. Despite her not letting go either, I could see the bags under her eyes forming.

"Get some sleep baby, text me when you wake up okay?" She nodded, and after a good 20 minutes of more kissing, I left.

I understood why Sam was always mopey without Emily around. As I drove away I could feel my heart ache like something was missing. This was a whole new feeling, and for the first time I thanked whatever spirits gave me her.

My imprint.

I bit my lip as I remembered I still had to tell her. I'm worried about how she'll take it, but there was something heavier on my mind.

Victoria.

Part Two Anyone? :)

#paul lahote #imagine #sam uley #twilight #bella swan #new moon #embry call #eclipse #breaking dawn #quil ateara #emily young #wolfpack #jacob black #edward cullen #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote x you #fanfic

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respectthepetty · 2 years ago

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Since I decided the best way to make it through Our Skyy 2 with minimal damage is to drink my way through it, welcome to the third round of

CockTails in the Skyy!

This week's drink is Jack Nasty to honor one of the iconic lines from Brokeback Mountain since the boys were serving us cinematic odes in the trailer:

Jack Daniel's Honey Whiskey for the pair's sweet yet intense dynamic

unfiltered apple cider for the A+ prefect jerk, Akk

lemon juice for the wrench in the system and Sour Patch kid, Ayan

honey and cinnamon on the rim for Kan and Thua

This drink is mostly whiskey because I know there is singing in BOTH episodes. I love spoilers, so I already know the BBM scenes are a dream, but it's too late to turn back now! I've committed to this drink (whiskey) and this journey!

Bottoms up!

I don’t remember anything that is happening. THEY WE'RE EXPELLED FOR A SEMESTER?! (and still graduated on time . . . I smell a coverup!)

We got shots of the eclipse during the show, and now we'll get plenty of scenes with the sun because they are living in the light!

If only this could've been how Brokeback really went.

The way First, I mean Akk, just looked . . . ahhhhh

How long have they been there that there are multiple days of chores? I like camping but three days max!

A voice-over to make me feel worse that Aye is going to ignore Akk. cool cool cool

I don’t understand this space vs. place conversation, so the whiskey is working.

Aye throwing out a full moon and a holiday instead of Akk's birthday hurts me. As a Leo, this behavior is unacceptable.

Akk constantly saying "Aye" instead of Ayan, when we worked HARD for that during the series is feeding my soul.

Product placement! So glad we got someone to pay for our fanfiction this time around.

I do not like to frolic. I do not like to witness others frolicking. Too much energy when we should be laying down.

What is this conversation about the motorbike about?

Oh! It’s about vers.

Thua's filtering Kan's bad personality? If we had to make a comparison of who is feistier, it'd be Thua! Wat is putting the blame on the wrong kid. Thua would be the bad influence!

Who’s Mork?! Now is not the time for MORE characters.

PAWIN!

As a college professor, this Wat x Sani agenda is a HARD NO! No further comments. No additional notes. Just no. NO!

I should've done a shot instead each time a film scene pops up. I'd be four deep right now and a lot less sober.

MORK IS KENJI! Twice in one week, sir! First in Step by Step and now this! Give my man the love plot I was robbed of in 609 Bedtime Story!

Good friends for helping Wat who was the BEST BOY during the show always helping them. Also, AJ looks like he could cry on command, so I need this to be utilized more.

I can't invest in this fight when they are wearing shades of each other's color. The love is there. It's written all over them.

Kan threatening Aye about touching Thua because he still isn't over the car moment. Stay petty, babes!

Aye could hear the phone over this loud ass water?!

More product placement! We got McDonald's money, y'all!

Oh, shit! It's the guitar! MUTE

Kan being the lovey dovey type feels so good because he was so afraid to touch Thua before and was very aggressive. Now, it's all soft touches with Thua. Love that for them both.

Call me Sebastian because I'm not even hearing this fight since all I want Aye to do is "sha-la-la-la-la-la KISS THE BOY"

Another Jack Nasty for episode 2! I need to STFU this round, but I'll blame my many thoughts on the whiskey.

"As a friend." AS A FRIEND?! See, Akk stays asking for it. These two like pushing each other's buttons.

I am Namo. Inviting myself places. Watching my friend's deal with relationship bs. Smiling when they get caught sneaking around.

Wat making them hug is the friend version of making siblings put on the same shirt.

Stupid Dream Productions <- That's quality

Popsicles. Bike rides. Color exchanges. A bridge! Stupid Dream Productions made this possible.

Kan and Thua sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. (I see that neck grab, sir)

Thua is SERVING in this outfit! With the smiley face and dice necklace too. No wonder why Kan is so protective. Thua's got looks while Kan gives hardware hubby vibes. I love it!

Akk and Aye wearing white is a callback to the OST, no?

I will never be over the fact that all of these boys bullied Nan, Nong, and Nian, and every time "the bad stuff" from the past is mentioned, I get in my feels.

Oh, no! This short film is taking me back! Deep in my feels with that burning dummy.

Golf! Hey, homie!

"they secretly transferred me money in the end." Why did this not land for me? I should be happy his family is supporting him, but . . . *gonna moonwalk away from this*

This guy talking to Wat is the assistant director of The Eclipse, Pro Siwasit, but Wat said Nut. I feel confident even in my whiskey haze.

I am Namo. Putting my foot in my mouth when my friends are in distress. So glad he is less sus this time around.

SINGING!!!!! NO!!!! Why is this necessary?! Sweet baby Jesus with the historical accurate skin tone. I CANNOT!

I can't even enjoy what I like to call the sign-of-the-cross kiss because I'm still upset about the singing.

Another cake for the collection. Missed opportunity for a moon and sun themed cake, but at least there are stars and red, blue, and yellow candles.

Dacryphilia - getting pleasure or aroused by others' troubles or tears -> Aye, we need to discuss this kink.

Akk: I love hugging you; Aye: I love pissing you off.

A shower scene! Drying each other's hair! Saying they love each other!!!!

Only Friends when?

I'm somehow parched after that final scene even though I drank the entire time, so it's time for the rating. I won't deduct points for Akk and Aye's clear relationship dynamic (and kink), but I will deduct half a point for singing and a full point for that teacher/student plot this show is still pushing. Actually, that gets a point and A HALF deduction!

8/10 CockTails for making me, a person who believes in pushing boundaries, realize I have clear boundaries that cannot be crossed.

I didn't love Vice Versa, but I am ecstatic to see its installment next week. It's giving me Baby Shark. It's giving me colors. It's giving me Sea's side profile. It's giving me the possibility that Tess had a kid!

Daddy Sharks, doo-doo, doo-doo. Daddy Sharks, doo-doo, doo-doo

#Our Skyy 2 #The Eclipse #Akk x Ayan #episodes 5 & 6 #Cocktails in the Skyy #Daddy Sharks

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sayakxmi · 1 year ago

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[Magi reread] Night 56: The Djinn's Metal Vessel

He's doing his best

Also, now I kind of think that it was a little unlucky for Alibaba to get Amon, a fire djinn. I mean, enveloping your body in water or wind sounds pretty chill compared to setting yourself on fire. I mean, I love these two, and I love Amon's DE, but for a paranoid beginner it was not a good first pick XD

I love him

Also, sudden thought, but Sinbad had always saw Alibaba as a future King of Balbadd, right? Looking back, Alibaba's been defying the flow of fate Sinbad saw from the very beginning.

I'm thinking about it, I think it might be not simply an Alibaba thing, but a King Vessel thing. Kings are meant to change the world, after all.

: (

Pfffffffffffff

Me, trying to study rn bc this is what I really should be doing, lmao

Alibaba: I don't want to be a king Sinbad: So, anyway, I still intend to make him a king

Cool shot, but also so un-Alibaba-like

Womanizer of the Seven Seas always gets me. They are so done with his bs. Also, look at Ja'far's face in the middle...

He cares so much : (

Alibaba blames himself for something that, as usual, is not his fault, but also, damn, Aladdin still looks so exhausted.

You tell him, Morgiana!

:')

Suspicious

Slow realization... also, why is the moon full again

-gasp-

YOU GO, BOY

LETZ GOOOOOOOOOO

#saya's magi reread #magi #alibaba saluja

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clemgreenwood · 2 years ago

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"I always thought when I got older that God would sort of come into my life in some way. He didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I'd have the same opinion about me that he does." - Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

Name: Clementine Greenwood Age: 24 Gender: Cis woman Pronouns: She/Her Occupation: Sales associate at Flowers & Company / undergrad Biology student at UPenn Neighborhood: University City

basic stats.

Full Name: Clementine Agnes Rita Greenwood Nickname(s): Clem Birthday: 19 November 1998 Zodiac: Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon Sexuality: Bicurious Hometown: Willow Grove, PA Education: HS diploma (Mount Saint Joseph Academy); AS (Montgomery Country Community College); BS in Biology (University of Pennsylvania, current) Religion: Catholic agnostic

physical.

Hair Color: Naturally light blonde Eye Color: Blue Height: 5'4 Tattoos: None Piercings: One in each lobe, usually wearing small pearls Scars: None Fashion: Modest in a slutty way

family.

Mother: Abigail Greenwood (née Williams), 46 Father: Robert "Bobby" Greenwood (deceased) Sibling(s): Gemma Greenwood, 32 Half-sibling(s): Marley Callahan, 32

personality.

+ Hard-working, intelligent, curious, dependable, empathetic, resilient, neat, polite - Codependent, self-indulgent, indecisive, morbid, obsessive

headcanons.

Carries around a pocket-sized bible with her in her purse, not because she ever really reads it but just as a comfort thing

Always wearing a tiny silver cross necklace her grandma gave her for her confirmation

Pretty good at drawing so her little sketches in her bio notebooks are so cool. Doesn't really draw outside of that though

Super scatterbrained. Forgets shit all the time. Has to have millions of reminders and alarms on her phone

Looooves philosophical discussions and finding out what other people think about how the world works and their opinions on religion etc. Great discussion partner bc she doesn't get combative or upset, just genuinely really likes hearing other people's thoughts

Pretty sheltered in a lot of ways still despite going out of her way to see and read and learn and talk about the things she wasn't exposed to in her childhood

She visits her dad's grave almost every weekend and has always really liked cemeteries so she spends a lot of time there

Loves wine, especially red. Hates beer, still bad at drinking liquor

Has tried smoking weed maybe once or twice but never really gotten high. Super curious about it though and wants to get high

biography.

From day one, Clementine Greenwood was a paradox of conflicting information. During the entirety of her mother Abigail’s (unplanned) pregnancy, she believed she was having a boy, confirmed by the doctors and never second-guessed until Clementine was born. “God heard me and gave me another baby girl,” Abigail told her husband. Abigail had wanted another girl because her first, Gemma, eight years old at that point, had already disappointed her by resisting the Catholic faith she held so close to her heart. Clementine was a do-over. Another chance to create a person in her own image.

But Clementine, even at five years old and starting private Catholic school, was already destined to disappoint her mother eventually. She certainly tried not to — from that age forward, a willful cognitive dissonance began to form like a wall in her mind, making space for two conflicting truths to coexist. In some deep part of herself, she never believed in the god they spoke of in school, or any god at all for that matter. She didn’t believe any of the stories they told, or that miracles were real, and when she watched her teachers and her peers and the priests during mass, transported by their faith, she felt nothing more than a deep and aching loneliness, as if for some reason god or Jesus or some unnameable third thing had forgotten about her. She tried though; as she got older, Clementine forced herself to believe. It didn’t work on a fundamental level, and the guilt would sometimes creep up on her in the middle of night, scaring her nearly into panic attacks, but during the day she shut down her instinct and grasped bravely at straws. Sometimes she even believed she believed.

She was only ten when Gemma moved out. Eight years younger, Clementine’s older sister had babied her as much as their parents did, and when she left she told a very young and very devastated Clementine that she was sorry she had to leave her, but that she simply couldn’t live there anymore without destroying her mental health and sense of self. A ten year old Clementine didn’t understand this, and only began to reflect on it more as she got older.

As a preteen, she began to tell herself that one day god would come to her. This, she found, was easier to believe. That one day, by those same miracles they taught them about in school, the holy spirit would find her and she would stop having to pretend, which became harder and harder as time wore on. The cognitive dissonance grew as she split her time between playing the part and rebelling against it. She would wear her prettiest dress to Sunday services and beg Jesus to come find her, and then at night let a boy from the other school feel her up behind the church.

It was partly her mother’s religious mania that drove Clementine closer to her father, but it wasn’t just that. Her dad was her person. He knew all her favorite things, and he never inadvertently made her feel guilty for her internal struggles the way her mom did. He was a rock in a world that felt horribly unstable. And here was another paradox: Bobby Greenwood was a good father — and he was also a terrible father. What Abigail knew, Gemma suspected, and Clementine had not one single clue about, was the affair Bobby had had before Gemma was born, with a woman in Arizona who got pregnant around the same time as Abigail, and the estranged daughter he’d been sending letters to in secret since then.

In her late teens and early twenties, Clementine began searching for meaning anywhere she could find it. God had still not come to her, and now her comfort thought from her teen years — that he would come eventually — had begun to fade. She looked for it in hobbies that never grew into anything, books of poetry and philosophy that contradicted each other, in relationships that felt shallow and confusing at best, and in sex with strangers that only heightened her sense of existential dread. It was around 20 years old that something occurred to her: perhaps she’d been looking for meaning in all the wrong places. It was not philosophy or literature or religion or even language she needed to look to, but science. If she wanted to understand herself and the people around her, surely understanding humans at a biological level was the true starting point.

And she was good at it, she found. With Gemma’s help, she enrolled herself in community college, received her Associate’s Degree in just under two years, and got accepted into UPenn to finish her degree in biology. There was no career path she had in mind, no ultimate goal beyond understanding how humans and animals and all living things on this planet functioned on an anatomic level. She piled loans on herself with the carelessness of a person who has never shouldered much real responsibility, and whose ability to plan for the future had never been very good.

In early fall of 2022, when Clementine was starting her senior year at UPenn, her father died in a sudden and violent fashion. The police told them he’d been mugged, and that it appeared there had been a struggle over his watch before he was shot. Not even an expensive watch — obviously something with sentimental value. Abigail had long ago surmised that the watch he never took off was something given to him by the Arizona woman, and this not only confirmed it but made her hate him in death. Again, Gemma suspected. And again, Clementine felt only lost and confused. Where in the last few years she’d had some success trying to heal from her religious trauma, this brought it all back again. She found herself on her knees by her bed every night praying for answers, for god to give her a reason for taking her dad, and to forgive her for the intrusive thoughts that kept asking why if one of them had to go, it couldn’t have been her mom.

She’s still reeling from his death, and now, coming to the end of her degree, she doesn’t know anymore if it was worth it, or if she found any of the meaning she was looking for.

current connections.

long lost half-sister of @marleycallahan

wanted connections.

Regulars at the flower shop she works at

People from UPenn (peers, teachers, etc)

Friends/connections of Clementine's older sister

Exes, fwb, past hookups, etc

Negative influences who tap into her vulnerability and get her to party and try drugs, etc

#phillyintro #religion tw #religious trauma tw #death tw #parental abandonment tw

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alyjojo · 3 months ago

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October 🌹 2024 Monthly - Virgo

Preshuffle: You’ve been taking some kind of romantic action towards someone - I’m getting this is newer if so - and you’re changing your mind or deciding this person isn’t for you. Something has your red flags waving 🚩

Meditation: A massive anthill where all of the ants are singing “Hi-Ho”, because of course, and there’s this long line of ants working hard - being ants. One ant is laying in the middle of the path under a leaf 🍃 , to jump out and say “BOO”, but the other ants are just irritated with the waste of time, stopping to pause, especially the ants at the back that don’t know what’s going on. I’m also seeing a traffic jam with that, not knowing why we’re stopped because you’re five exits behind the issue or where you are expected to be and 🤷 what can you do?

Main energy: The Hermit

What’s going on in October:

2 Pentacles, Knight of Swords rev, Page of Swords rev, The Fool rev & The Hierophant

There’s a lot of worry being shown with you, The Moon at the bottom with Worry and Loneliness being Oracle cards. You’re going back and forth on a promise, either one someone has made to you, one you’ve made, or one you could just be considering making - and whether someone meant it or if they’re lying. Could be you, do you really intend to commit to something in the way it’s been promised? Is someone lying to you? I see you trying to remain balanced and impartial with Bahana Beige - but you can’t help but worry. I’m also seeing you be alone a lot with The Hermit, no surprise there with a Virgo, but that’s probably why the fear is creeping in.

For some, I’m seeing this be an ex you haven’t talked to since the break-up, and you go back and forth on whether it could be healed. I’m also seeing something be cut off from communication for financial reasons, something that keeps you connected - like a phone, internet, etc. You may be forcibly removed from social settings because of financial issues or events that you have no control over. It’s also possible you’re separated from a lover or someone you’re close to, could be a friend or bestie, because their phone is out or they’re having issues - so you’re left on your own.

It’s possible someone is lying, or just doesn’t know. There’s an unfair situation someone is unaware of or was. With this Page and The Fool, I’m literally seeing someone be stopped at an airline or something and having something confiscated or tossed. Your person’s company requires everyone’s phones to be locked away for the entire day or something - there’s something keeping you in a silent & solo state but it doesn’t feel like you…exactly. You’re expecting truth and communication and are questioning whatever you are getting, like maybe it’s bs, lying, unfair, there’s more to the story. I see a risk not being taken and that probably being forced too, like the phone deal. They’re not going to be fighting a board room full of people putting their phones in a basket to not be interrupted - it’s like you don’t have a choice here.

End of the month, I still don’t see a solution to this issue, it looks like someone’s hands are tied, that’s what keeps repeating. The Hierophant is connected to silence, you could fear someone is holding back secrets or purposely not talking to you, lying and making excuses.

Advice for Virgo: 5 Pentacles rev

That kinda points the blame at you a little in that you’re too attached to what this person says and does and need to center yourself. Be comfortable alone - The Hermit. A Virgo? Wat. That’s how to progress, 2 Wands at the bottom. It’s out of your hands too, it seems.

Is this person holding something back or lying to Virgo: 4 Pentacles & Page of Pentacles

I don’t get lying no, but they are holding back from giving you a genuine offer, messages, practical knowledge, a contract, a date specifically for some. Like when is this over with? They don’t know, so they don’t say, that’s all there is to it. Very practical energy, but no, I’m not getting a liar, quite the opposite actually. If you’re waiting for documents, they’re holding onto those, if they even have them. If you’re trying to divorce/date/marry someone, schedule something, or plan anything solid for the future, they’re not being forthcoming or open with anything *whatsoever*. If someone is trying to go back to school or take out a loan, there are a lot of roadblocks with that, and you may not even hear back at all. Committing to anything feels impossible this month. Could even be a parent, teacher, school system, or authority that’s the issue here - and you’re stuck waiting on them.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Gemini, Aquarius, Capricorn, Virgo & Taurus

Oracle: ✨

Promise 🥰

Responsible - Confirmation - Assurance

Loneliness 😔

Dullness - Disappointment - Isolation

57 Worry

Worry is attachment to a particular outcome and the fear that it will not come to pass.

We enter into October as:

Bahana Beige 🎨

“I quietly listen, allowing you to color your own palate.”

If you are drawn to Bahana Beige, it is time to take an impartial look at your situation and drop the excuses. Your answers will come when you remain still. Take no action at this time. The action of Bahana Beige is to listen. Now is the time to consider the other side, because there may be some valuable insights in another point of view. This technique can help produce great strides in communication in your relationships. When we are fixed on a position (or opinion), we are not in the neutral space of Bahana Beige.

This is an opportunity to see who you are in a relationship. Ask yourself, “How does my present attitude or position serve me?” When you answer this question, you will begin to gain more insight into choosing what is for the highest good in any situation. Another way to position a question is in thinking from the other person’s point of view. Is there another way to see this situation? What do you see now?

What is to be learned in October:

Sun Sparkler 🎇:

“Integrity is what turns on the light.”

Sun Sparkler reminds us that it is through kindness to others and being of service that we are abundant. Are you living your life as fully as you can? Are you being honest and kind to others? Do you hold the door open for people on the elevator, or let it close? Do you let people merge over in traffic, or pretend not to see them? When we put a blinder on one area of life, it creates the same blind spot in every area. You can’t shut out pain without shutting out pleasure too. Sun Sparkler reminds you of the miracle of honesty, it leads to integrity. You may have done work for another but do not expect a reward, revel in alignment with Spirit, self-esteem is the gift. You’ve been elevated to a new level spiritually, continue to serve others and life will prosper beyond your wildest dreams.

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

#Virgo #monthly tarot reading #october 2024 #astrology #tarot reading #monthly #tarot #spirituality #horoscope

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just-an-enby-lemon · 2 years ago

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Welcome to part two of whatever this is or as I like to call my Angry Bird Family Au, this time with the rest of season 2 and maybe some season 3.

Firsrly I want to stabilish some ground rules for my Gotham AU's:

1️⃣ Oswald doesn't gradually becames dumber. His loss of the strategic power he was known for in the early seasons had no narrative sense or explanation and soo doesn't exist.

2️⃣ Ivvy has her normal age. Now I like to belive that hers and Oswald relacionship would be different if she looked like a young teen, because we see how Oswald treats childrem (even though he dislike most of them) and I do think while he knows Ivvy is a kid the cognitive dissonance of seing an adult woman instead makes so he doesn't really sees her as a child.

3️⃣ I dunno if I have the hability to write DID in a realistic way and don't want to half ass some ableist bs like Gotham did, so Riddler is less of a second personality and more like a metaphor for Ed's gradual transformation.

4️⃣ All of this are minor notes, after all this is a mere "random au notes" post annyway. Also my explanation for Isabe-lah is completly insane but it's more than the show so fuck it.

5️⃣ Ed reacts in a more in characther way to Isabe-lah abeit still a completly stupid, insane and "we can see the tragedy for the start" way. [This will probably only be relevant in the next post of this AU, but hey, consider yourselfs warned]

6️⃣ Gabe doesn't betray Oswald. Now while I loved the whole scene, it doesn't make sense to me that during all the other times Oswald was in a similar low he stayed loyal, because there is no difference between the time he finally betrays Os and all the others. I will always go to the middle term route and say he did dislike Oswald and saw him as a freak but he was always sure Oswald would win and that time wasn't different. [Again won't come up this part, but still] (I do preffer to imagine Gabe was actually loyal and liked Oswald, but I think the "hates his guts but still belives him blindly" fits cannon better)

So let's go:

▫️We are back where we started and Oswald is still a fugitive and while Jason wants to follow him and hide, Oswald doesn't let him because he can actually be a responsable adult every full moon.

▫️While he bregundgly agrees to not follow Oswald around - as long as they have a way to comunicate (via burner phones and hidden letters in the right places) - he absolutely refused to go to Jim's again. He may like Lee, but he is not going to play "fake family" with a pig even less one that cleary sees him in a bad light already. (Sorry, Gotham!Jim fans, but this man totaly it's the to consider a kid an irredemable criminal. I mean he never tried to help Selina have a stable life or get out of crime, he treated her with kiddie gloves but never oftered real support or even acted a bit as if there was a clear connection between poverty and crime, he would probably blame Oswald for Jason's behavior hope keeping them appart would solve it and after seeing it didn't ignore all the other factors and see Jason as a lost cause, though in a softer way)

▫️After considering Gabe, Butch (who he is at odds with btw, because at this point he is dating Tabitha and recently lost his hand thanks to Penguin) and worse Zsaaz for posible homes for Jason (Oswald does not know many adults who don't hate him), the kid just stays with Ed. Helping Jason is the perfect alibi for why Edward would aid a known criminal and he is already there anyway and no one can really make Jason move if he doesn't want to.

▫️While Ed is a better option than small mob guard with not that much on the brains depart, guy who just lost his hand by Jason's father figure and hitman and Jim (if you ask Jason, other people would say Jim was fine) he still has no idea how to deal with kids and treats Jason as basically a small adult (with more rigths to ice cream). He does gives Jason homeschool program a hard update cause Ed thinks normal schooling is not advanced enough, gives him ice cream when he is sad, is real nice and buyed him a plushie penguin when he said he missed Oswald. He also sees no problem in bringing bodies from work to the apartment, let's Jason desapear for days like a cat (as long as he has a knife), has no rules (besides the homeschooling, don't mess with the bodies unless I"m surpervisin and that Jason caries a knife at all time and the last was an Oswald rule really) and ignores Jason's nightmares cause he is just the wrong person to have an emotional talk to. Jason thinks he is great.

▫️Then Oswald is catched and send to Arkham. Jason is furious. Specially when Arkham doesn't let him visit without the signature of his legal guardian (forged documents or not he is literaly trying to visit his legal guardian) and sad. While he can't visit he does send Oswald letter's and care packages. Strange confiscates most of them. But neither of them knows that. By this tine he also starts to visit Gertrude's grave with Ed and when he is mentslly ready by himself too. [Detail: he was also not allowed to see Oswald in the precint and Ed had to basicaly infiltrate the kid so they could say goodbye, so in this AU Ed get's a third infiltration at the GCPD and I can assure he used a dumb disguise this time too]

▫️ As his inicial plan was to let Jason stay with Jim, Oswald din't told Jason about what truly happened to Galavan. On otherhand he did tell Edward. As Jason ended up at Nygma, Ed told him and Jason decided to blame Jim for everything (I need to point out that not only Jason is a kid but Ed is very biased and that if Thalia was able to manipulate Jason against Bruce in the name of Joker being alive - and cannon ignoring the amazing convoluted reason the OG comic gave for it - Ed can do it too).

▫️Now while I think Nygma could've solved his Jim Gordon paranoia by forging some documents- like a resignation letter wrote by Ms. Kringle that just got lost in the mist of GCPD general chaos - he only has his paranoia and a eight years old who's moral compass has being broken to pieces by bad influences. Jason has no idea about the detals behind Kristen's death (or he would be rightfully mad at Nygma) so when he hears Ed talking to himself about planning Jim Gordon's dowfall he is "I'm in".

▫️Ed's plan goes mostly the same, except Jason helps to make Lee less suspicious by making her belive Nygma's odd behavior is because he had to take care of a kid and also acidentaly giving Ed the idea to fake Kristen's resignation letter (I will NEVER understand why Ed didn't do it, like he had all the means - btw, I say Jason accidentaly gave the idea cause Jason doesn't have the full Kristen picture or he would be kindda shaken cause she was a good person who kept getting the short end of the stick and he knew a lot of similar cases on the street).

▫️By hanging a lot around the GCPD - because of Ed - and being a very good spy thanks to his friendship with Cat and his street time he does hear Jim talking to Harvey about Oswald asking him for help and "lying" about being tortured , Jason is pissed and tries to tackle Jim for it (he is a child so Jim just stops him with one hand and holds the thrashing kid until he calms down, Harvey helps. Jason does thanks Harvey because he can be polite, but he just says "I hate you and I hope you suffer" to Jim (his accent is slowly fading as he hangs with Oswald and Ed just as it did after a while of him living with Alfred and Bruce in cannon). [This scene has no reason, I just really think it was a very low moment for Jim- he has some of those, enough to accidentaly subvert the "not all cops" thing he has going - and I needed the catharsis.] (Of course, for ny real hc catharsis is of Barbara Lee discovering this moments and desconstructing Jim as she starts to leave childhood and symbolicaly to question the systems of power she was raised and had faith in ultimately becaming batgirl and fighting for a system that can actually help opressed people and allow criminals to change. But that is me projecting into Babs as always).

▫️Next bullet point. Oswald leaves Arkham after being brainwashed, goes to Tabby and Butch gets some featters and goes to Ed. Things go mostly as cannon, except between Ed and Oswald, Jason always had his loyalty set (say all you want about cannon Jason, but for all his active antagonizing he is still very loyal to Bruce and the batfam, he won't follow them blindly but he will choose than at every shot), especially whe Oswald cleary needs his help. So he picks one of the books Ed gave him and his penguim plushie, laughs at Oswald's face when he says Jason should stay with Ed cause Oswald has no house, basically say "I was homeless for waay longer, don't care" and revenge be dammed (he does promises Ed he won't tell his plans for Jim to no one and wishes him luck.

▫️Elijah has a son and a grandson and Jason is very distrusting at first. But if the guy is danger, more reason for him to stay, right? Also he is eight and Elijah bribes him with age apropiated books and ice cream. He still absolutly refuses to have a separeted room from Oswald. Between the whole Galavan deal, Arkham and the brainwashing, the baby got separation anxiety and can you blame him?

▫️Brainwashed or not, Oswald is the best in helping Jason with nightmares and making him feel save (even through he won't actually kill the monster and will talk some bs about violence being wrong when Jason asks even for the imaginary ones, truly sad).

▫️While Jason does quickly grows to trust and like Elijah, the same does not apply to Grace and her kids and during their small period of bliss (and how long was it? A week? A month? Three days? Who knows, time is weird in Gotham) Oswald has to keep reprimanding Jason's manners though in the most soft tone posible. Elijah finds it funny. "I'm sorry for calling Grace an opportunistic whore, even though it was totaly called for and I totaly belive she is all that. But it was rude and I'm better than that. I'm also sorry for saying that Charles is dumb and any book he writes will be an offense to literature and implying that all the things I said to Grace apply to Shasa, the last one isn't even all true yes she is awfull and also an opportunistic whore but she doesn't look like a Dicken's villan."

▫️It doesn't change much. Except that when Shasta attemps her weird seduction plot, Jason and his plush Penguin are also in the bed because the aforementioned separation anxiety and it is an even weirder event to everyone involved. Also Elijah does talk to Shasha about it cause of course Jason would bable, this time it even was kindda inocently. He was just complaining about being waked up be Shasha being crazzy. She pretends Jason missanderstood the situation and she was just being friendly and calling them to breackfest. Oswald agrees because the whole thing makes him unconfortable.

▫️Things still go mostly the same. Grace tries to ofter only Oswald a home after Elijah death (because Oswald can do a DNA test and be recognized as heir but now she knows Jason is adopted he really isn't her problem) but stands the ofter to the kid because Oswald says that without Jason he won't stay (and starts questioning her because Jason isn't the known criminal) and she doesn't want to let loose threats.

▫️When I say things went the same I mean it. So yes, Oswald still cocked his step-siblings and fed them to Grace (I will always defend he didn't eat them himself cauee he was very disgusted by Pig's meatpies). Beforehand he did ask Jason to stay in the library because he is a tiny bit better at not exposing kid's to gruesome scenes than Ed. And Jason of course realized he was back and hugged him first.

▫️He also has his weird pos-brainwash breakdown but it lasts less time cause Jason is really concerned. So he clean the bodies, keeps Graces head and lives a kindda normal out outsied of the mob scene for a while, he does only come back a 100% after he sees Galavan is back, but this time he is functional until that moment. No roting corpses.

▫️Remember the whole "not exposing my kid to gruesome scenes". He does bring Jason to his "let's rocket launch Galavan" mission cause Jason also deserves revenge for Gertrud. I still think he is in the same level of parenting as Bruce (depending on the Bruce version even better).

Next step is the whole mess that is season 3. Get ready.

#batman #gotham tv show #gotham series #gotham season 2 #the penguin #oswald copplepot #brainwashed oswald #for a bit #elijah van dahl my beloved #edward nygma #still not nygmobleppot #but they are endgame #nygmobblepot #i will always complain about this ship name in the tags #jason todd #jason todd is precious #angry bird family #angry bird has a baby

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florrickandassociates · 3 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 5x06- And the two partners had a fight...

I’ve been waiting for this episode for nearly a decade, and I didn’t even realize it. More under the cut.

(This is very long! Please fight me on stuff and disagree because I just wrote all these words about this episode and I STILL want to talk about it more, it was that interesting!)

This is the second episode in a row to start off with a TikTok video. 5x02 and 5x03 both ended with elevators. Is there some sort of pattern they’re going for here?

This case—which is, it’s important to note, in Wackner’s court—is about TikTok content creators and copyright laws. Probably not enough material for a full case, but definitely an interesting theme to explore.

Marissa doesn’t have her laptop volume off (which I suppose makes sense; she was just playing the TikTok videos) and a notification sounds. She shuts the laptop.

Wackner rules that the profits made from the TikTok dance must be split evenly between the guy who stole the dance for his video game and the creator. The thief does not like this, removes his moose costume (oh, yeah, did I mention they’re in costumes again?), and starts shouting that he’s going to sue and then moons the whole court. Okay!

He follows through on his threat, and next thing we know, Liz, Cord, Wackner, and Marissa are meeting to discuss strategy.

Liz’s computer makes the same noise Marissa’s did; she punches some keys.

Liz points out that Wackner’s biggest problem is that real judges are not going to like Wackner playacting as a judge. “I’m not playing a judge. I am a judge,” Wackner says. Liz notes that Wackner’s court lacks any way of forcing people to comply with his rulings, but real court can shut him down.

I guess whatever keys Liz punched did not silence the annoying notification sound.

She asks Wackner to try not to become the focus of the court case, since that’s how they’ll lose. “This is why I started a court,” Wackner says after Liz instructs him to only answer yes or no and to wear a suit.

Liz asks Marissa to keep Wackner in line. She says she’ll try.

Now we are at the Black Lawyers Association, where there’s a panel with leaders from Chicago’s four top black law firms. For reasons passing understanding, DIANE is on this panel. This makes absolutely no sense (I mean, unless only white people were involved in this decision, and even then!) and I’ll only excuse it because they mention later that it makes no sense for Diane to have been on this panel.

I wonder why everyone else’s firm gets named but not Diane’s.

Diane also gets the first question, which is, pointedly, about opportunities for black lawyers. Her phone starts making the annoying notification sound. Ever heard of silent mode??

The annoying sound happens every five seconds at the RL offices. According to David Lee, it happens twenty times an hour, but it seems like more than that! He, for some reason, goes to Carmen to ask how to stop the sound. He also wants to know what it is. Carmen explains that it is “Dawnk” which is a new messaging system within the company.

On Dawnk, you can talk about anything you want and be anonymous. Who approved this?! In one frame, I can see there’s someone complaining about someone being promoted too fast because of “the future is female bs.” In another, someone is upset that they are anonymous and wants to use their real name (only Jay, who is otherwise absent from this episode, seems to have figured out how to turn this anon mode off).

Sorry, before I can get on board with this plot, I just need to note for the record how phenomenally stupid the idea of using anonymous messaging software within a company is. This was obviously not going to end well! It’s like workplace YikYak... (remember YikYak?!)

David Lee hates the idea of a messaging software; Carmen says the associates prefer this.

Jay is being very nice in the chat and defends the person who was promoted “too fast”.

“Who’s ‘Anonymous Crab’?” David Lee asks. Well, I think the fact they are “anonymous” should be a bit of a hint there, David.

Anonymous Crab asks, “How the hell did this happen??! How did Diane end up at a Black Conference speaking for our firm?” Good question, Anonymous Crab.

Anon Crab also shares a video and David Lee doesn’t understand how to press play. Carmen plays it for him. Diane looks really awful on the panel. No shit! David Lee seems to enjoy Diane looking bad, even though he should be able to connect the dots between Diane looking bad and potential for bad things to come for the firm...

Not only does Diane get quizzed about why she’s running a firm that is still insisting on calling itself a black firm, she also gets questions about her insurrectionist husband. “He was completely cleared of those charges,” Diane notes. Oh, hey!!!!! Remember how last week I said I’d be more surprised if that was the end of the FBI nonsense than if it continued? I am surprised!! And relieved. Mostly relieved. Dealing with the consequences of that high profile, relationship-straining ordeal is so much more interesting to me than any FBI machinations.

Next Diane is asked if Kurt just took a job to revitalize the NRA. She hasn’t heard of this yet. I’m glad she’s getting grilled on this stuff... it is about time.

There’s a hint that Carmen will be representing Mr. Rapey next week. I assume that’s why there’s a line where David checks in with Carmen on Mr. Rapey’s case?

Anon Platypus says, “I heard she didn’t even have seniority. She just jumped past other black partners to become our name partner. It’s crazy!!!” Anon Platypus is correct—technically. Diane was a name partner at one of Chicago’s top firms before joining RL, so while she skipped the line... that doesn’t seem to me like the PRIMARY issue in bringing her on. The primary issue is that bringing on someone that senior from outside the company is more similar to a merger than a promotion, and Diane’s partnership meant changes for the firm.

Other anonymous animals also don’t like Diane. One calls her clueless; another says that “Liz needs to do something about this.” Someone responds to that, “Liz will never do it on her own,” which is an interesting sentiment I want to come back to in a little bit.

“What is Black Twitter?” David Lee asks Liz out of the blue. “People on Twitter who are black and talk to each other,” Liz responds. David Lee asks how he can find it. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” Liz jokes. And to think Jay said Liz wasn’t funny!

The Dawnk conversation shifts and now everyone’s ragging on Julius for representing Kurt and just generally being a Trump voter. There’s a lot of heated and racial language I’m not going to type here, enough to make Julius spit out his coffee and storm down to the associate floor.

He goes to Devin, who I’m not sure if we’ve seen before but is high ranking enough to have Lucca’s old office, to get information on the anonymous posts.

Anonymous Bison says, “Unpopular opinion: I blame Adrian.” Hey, Anon Bison, let’s be friends! I am with you. Adrian is the one who brought Diane on, who encouraged them to lean into Julius’s Trump connections, and who pushed the firm to pursue profit over everything else. Diane and Julius aren’t blameless (though I don’t actually think defending Kurt is a bad thing) but if there’s someone who actively strategized to make RL what it is today? Adrian all the way.

In what world does noting that Julius is pissed in an anonymous message do ANYTHING to stop people who are pissed at him? If they were that concerned about him being pissed they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place.

Liz and opposing counsel talk over each other in court until the judge makes them stop. I think we’ve seen both the judge and opposing counsel this season, making me wonder if there’s a bit of a COVID bubble situation going on here with the guest stars.

Judge Farley jokes about “contempt cards” that go up in value and Wackner, of course, is all, “Wow, I really love that.”

Liz, whose entire strategy was to not let on that anyone calls Wackner a judge, refers to Wackner as “Judge Wackner.” Come on, Liz! (I buy that she’d slip up—there's no one in the world I wouldn’t believe slipping up—but ugh!)

How did the opposition not realize that they could make this about Wackner’s “crazy court” by referring to him as Judge Wackner? You’d think they’d be all over that.

Judge Farley looks SO unhappy that Wackner would refer to himself as a judge; it’s phenomenal.

Now Marissa stumbles over stuff because she’s, for some reason, speaking in court. I bought Liz’s dumb moment more.

The plaintiff’s strategy is to make it look like Wackner is of unsound mind, and they’ve got video evidence. Remember how Del, Cord, and Wackner all chatted in the RL elevator? Well, turns out that lead to a reality show about Wackner for Del’s streaming service. Sounds about right.

I don’t really think Wackner cares about attention or anyone else’s motivations... I think he just likes the idea of budget and an audience and a platform.

Liz meets Del for a romantic dinner and asks him when he was going to tell her about Wackner’s show. Del doesn’t understand why she’s upset. He doesn’t get why he would’ve needed her permission to go into business with Wackner. (I don’t think he’s wrong from a business POV, but from a relationship POV, he totally should’ve let her know!)

Liz says he should’ve asked because they’re using it against her in court. “That is unfortunate, baby, but this streaming show could be really good for Wackner. It’ll draw attention to his court. And... as I say that...that sounds... okay, look I’m sorry,” Del realizes. I like that he sees that Liz has a point. He goes on to note that he would be totally open to Liz trying to go into business with any of his acquaintances, and I think he genuinely means it.

Del notes that this is what “power couples” do. Oh? So they’re an official couple? Don’t power couples also associate in public and not hide their relationship from their colleagues?

This is the place where I note, yet again, that it is always going to be more interesting to see a relationship that feels realistic than to see a relationship that feels like it takes place in a vacuum.

Liz doesn’t want Wackner becoming popular. Del argues someone else would’ve made the show if he didn’t, and that “disrupters gotta disrupt.” Oh God.

Are we going to remember that Liz has a child at any point this season?

Diane is reading the Dawnk discussion at home. It’s still lively even after work hours. The associates appear to be discussing the vaccine before someone changes the topic to “the Diane situation.”

One associate notes that the partners probably aren’t happy about Diane either and just have to vote her out. Kurt arrives home as Diane reads this, reacts to the loud music Diane has playing, the open alcohol, and her general demeanor and asks if they’re getting drunk. “Are we getting a job with the NRA?” she counters.

Turns out it’s not entirely untrue about Kurt and the NRA. They want him for a new role. It would pay $167,000. I can’t decide if I think that’s a lot (objectively that’s a high salary) or not very much at all (isn’t Kurt the top of his field?)

Kurt notes he doesn’t have a job so he’s considering it. “Diane, our politics are very different,” he starts. “I know,” Diane says. “I’m, lately, struck by just how different they are.”

“I would just like one week when I don’t have to defend you,” Diane says in frustration. Kurt doesn’t even know what that means at the current moment.

“You’ll tell me when they offer you the job?” Diane asks. “They may not offer it,” Kurt says. “No, they will,” Diane says, because she knows that it’s basically a done deal already.

In the middle of the night, Diane turns to Kurt and tries to ask him a question. That wakes him up. She asks who he voted for in 2020 and he doesn’t answer. Uh oh.

Dreaming now, Diane sits up and asks, “Hello? What do I do?” More on that later...

The HR nightmare known as Dawnk is still going wild the next day at the office. (Seriously, with HR that strict, the anon feature would’ve been disabled the second the first semi-controversial comment was posted.) Everyone’s obsessed.

The partners, minus Diane, all gather in Liz’s office to discuss Dawnk (and the topics of conversation on Dawnk). Madeline says they should ignore it. I say they should make STR Laurie shut it down and be the bad guy. It is nonsensical that this workplace would continue to allow Dawnk to continue! In addition to being an HR nightmare, it’s also a drain on productivity if everyone’s constantly glued to it, and I imagine STR Laurie cares about profit more than anything else.

But like I really don’t get why Madeline says they can’t censor their associates. Of course they can shut down the app if they want to! Someone put the app there in the first place, no? I do understand not wanting to look like you’re violating free speech (even though taking away anonymous commenting in the workplace would not be a violation of free speech) but I highly doubt it would be only the partners complaining. Tina, whose promotion was called into question, would be complaining too. Anyone trying to get work done, or anyone who didn’t like the toxic culture, or anyone who was uncomfortable with a joke made, would be complaining. There are more than enough reasons it would be perfectly acceptable to take the anon commenting away.

Now the partners are fighting about Kurt’s case too. “Diane is not responsible for her husband,” Liz says when Madeline says that Diane should’ve known better than to get involved. Um, Liz, Madeline is right. Diane isn’t responsible for Kurt’s actions but she’s sure as hell responsible for volunteering to represent him.

“In the real world of this firm, Diane’s billable hours speak for themselves,” Liz notes when a partner tries to call Diane’s unsavory associations into question.

“The rest of us put in the hours too, for the record,” notes another partner. I’m sure... but do you put in DIANE’S hours and have DIANE’S client list? My guess is no. If Diane weren’t the biggest earner at the firm we wouldn’t be having this debate. She’d just be gone. She’d never have been at the firm to begin with.

“Liz, when I joined this firm, it was because of your father’s legacy. It was about Black civil rights, activism, justice. That’s what people talked about in meetings. Now, people talk about billable hours, million-dollar clients, corporate payouts. Now, I know it’s not your fault. That was Boseman’s vision and we were trying to survive the Trump years by bringing in white lawyers, but those days are gone. They’re done with. And I miss being a strong black firm,” Madeline says. Everyone but Liz (and probably Julius) seems to agree with that.

This is one of many interesting facets of this issue. When Madeline argues against Diane, she’s not just arguing that she wants a black person running the firm for optics. She’s not saying that Diane-but-black would be an acceptable choice. She is saying she wants RL to be the firm it was at the very very start of the show—a firm committed to social justice, not maximizing revenue. A firm that didn’t just accept every client that came their way because they love profit. A firm that stood for something. So my question is: Does Liz want that firm?

Liz is hard to read throughout this whole plot, and I think that may be intentional. Liz isn’t a manager by training—she was an AUSA who suddenly became a name partner at a firm (if you want to talk about seniority and skipping the line, Liz is a way better example than Diane—you can even through some nepotism, twice over, in there). She doesn’t seem to have a clear goal for her firm other than maintaining the status quo and keeping power. Liz not taking a stronger stance from the start (either accepting that they are no longer going to be a social justice-oriented firm or pushing to get them back to that place) allows these kinds of questions to fester. It’s my hope that this becomes text instead of subtext pretty soon, ‘cause this is the kind of thing that if it’s subtext for too long will start to feel like bad writing/Liz being conveniently clueless. It’s way more interesting if Liz is just not yet good at being a manager... because she is learning on the job.

Anyway. I think the ideal solution here is probably that Diane and Liz continue to run RL: A STR Laurie Company (the fact they’re owned by corporate overlords kind of makes any decision about RL’s mission moot) since Diane wants to do that and Liz seems to be content where she is. Madeline and the other partners, instead of trying to force STRL to let them pursue the cases they want, can accept pay cuts and go start their own firm. Maybe they can even team up with Barbara Kolstad!

None of that’s to say that the dilemma here is easily solvable, nor is it to say that Diane shouldn’t consider stepping down. I’ll say more on that later. My point here is just that this issue is much deeper than just if Diane is on the letterhead or not. As long as they’re owned by STR Laurie and have clients like Rivi, Diane stepping aside would just be a band-aid.

(And that, I think, is intentional... they’ve been building the “why are we even representing x?” tension pretty consistently this season, so I imagine it’s on the writers’ minds.)

Diane stumbles across the secret partner’s meeting and knows something’s up.

“You gotta handle this, Liz. You cannot have a white partner leading a black firm. We’ll lose clients with that kind of hypocrisy” Madeline insists after Diane heads back to her office. I’ve already said it, but just to say it in a less rambly way: Madeline is right, but she’s right IF AND ONLY IF the goal is to be a black firm. So, Liz, is it?

(They’ll lose clients, sure, but which ones? They’ll lose the clients Madeline wants while Diane continues to keep bringing in business and Rivi and Cord and Wolfe-Colman and their elk* stay put.)

*I know this is not the correct word; see 6x17 of TGW

David Lee has also noticed the meeting in Liz’s office and thinks this may be the “beginning of the end.” Diane glares at him and he says he was just joking.

Diane schedules a meeting with Liz. Liz’s assistant doesn’t know Diane by voice, adding to her frustration.

Credits! We are 22 minutes in! This might be a record if 5x01 hadn’t saved the credits til the very end!

I’ve already written more than I did last week by a couple hundred words.

Two interesting things about the credits. First, this episode was written by Aurin Squire. Forgive me if I’ve mentioned this in a prior recap (I know I thought about it but can’t remember if I deleted), but I think Aurin Squire and Davita Scarlett are key to why TGF and Evil are both always so good. They’re the two writers other than the Kings who are in both the TGF and Evil rooms, and they both REALLY seem to be on the same wavelength as the Kings. I imagine that having four people who are in both rooms helps with managing both at basically the same time.

(This isn’t where I wanted to go with this bullet point, but I may as well shout out how great Evil is this season, too! It also just aired an episode by Aurin Squire about the lead white female character realizing her privilege!)

Second, this episode was directed by Brooke Kennedy. I didn’t know that going in, but seconds before the director credit popped up, I was thinking to myself, “this episode feels like it’s going to be a very important one. I bet Brooke directed it.” I was very pleased to see her name appear.

(For anyone who doesn’t know, Brooke is an EP who’s been involved in nearly every episode of both Wife and Fight and she tends to direct important episodes that require a lot of familiarity with the characters. She directed 5x15 of The Good Wife and she’s done a bunch of the premieres and finales that Robert King hasn’t claimed for himself.)

Diane and Liz meet in a bar to catch up. Diane’s still staring at Dawnk. Liz takes her phone and silences the notifications. “Who thought that sound was pleasing?” Diane complains. “All day in court today,” Liz commiserates. Carmen had to teach her how to silence the notifications. Liz, you’re using an iPhone, there is a very easy to use switch that silences your phone, like you would need to for court. I know you know this.

(I think Diane, despite her complaining about the sound, is captivated by Dawnk.)

Liz orders soda water instead of a drink. I assume that’s intentional, perhaps because she knows this isn’t going to be an easy conversation or a long night of drinking? She has wine in an earlier scene.

I love that Liz and Diane chat about Dawnk even though there’s no real plot reason for them to spend this much time discussing it. Little moments like this make me believe Liz and Diane are actually colleagues who get along well and make management decisions together.

Diane asks if Liz thinks Dawnk actually increases productivity. Liz laughs—she does not. But she knows the associates would “riot” if they got rid of it. She’s right. I still think they can get rid of it without too much blowback. But at least they’re acknowledging this.

“What do the partners think?” Diane asks, very intentionally shifting the subject. You can hear it in Christine’s voice and see it in her body language—Diane is looking for an opportunity to talk about what she wants to talk about.

“God, Madeline can’t even open it. She’s lost her password three times. She finally just gave up,” Liz says. This is concerning! Madeline should know how to open an app! Probably not unrealistic, though. When you’re that senior, you probably don’t need to know how to use a messaging app. And messaging apps can be confusing sometimes. Like, I still don’t understand how to use Discord.

The captions have a line I can’t hear in this scene—Liz (I presume?) saying “You know, ‘cause it’s Madeline.” This makes it sound like Madeline is a little less than competent, no?

“Thanks for sitting down with me, Liz,” Diane says in a quite serious tone. “Of course. So, you’re wondering about the meeting today?” Liz immediately understands. “I am.” “Yeah. Uh, it was about Julius. He’s being harassed on Dawnk,” Liz explains.

“Okay, and I couldn’t be a part of that?” Diane wants to know. “He’s being harassed because he’s defending your husband,” Liz explains. Diane doesn’t seem surprised (perhaps because she, too, would have read these messages?). “Well, that’s unfortunate. We’ve represented people far worse than Kurt, who, by the way, was found innocent,” Diane argues like they’re having a very different conversation. It’s one thing to represent rapists and murderers and drug lords—and I’d argue that the same people pissed about Kurt are also pissed about them!-- and another for your leadership to be married to/close friends with someone who you believe participated in the events of 1/6.

“I’m not saying it wasn’t. But, January 6th. I mean, we watched the Confederate flag make its way into the Capitol building. You know, those people that Kurt didn’t want to turn over to the FBI, those people. They don’t even want us alive,” Liz says better than I ever could. I think it’s important that Liz mentions a POV that likely wouldn’t have ever crossed Diane’s mind here. This is a small glimpse of why it could be so important to have black leadership at a black firm. Would Diane be thinking about the implications of having the Confederate flag in the Capitol? Probably not in the same way that Liz instantly does.

“Well, not all of them,” Diane Lockhart, who is suddenly an idiot, says. Liz looks at her drink and grimaces, and Diane realizes she’s said something wrong. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m certainly not defending those people. They’re all despicable traitors.”

“And now, that’s what people are saying about Julius,” Liz explains. “And me?” Diane asks, though she already knows the answer. Liz doesn’t want to answer that. Before she can say anything, Diane asks if she’s being pushed out.

“No. Not pushed out. You’re a name partner. You can’t be pushed out,” Liz clarifies. Diane knows there’s a but. “The partners just think you should do the right thing,” Liz adds.

“And step aside?” Diane asks. “No. Stay in the firm. Stay as an equity partner, just step back from your managerial role,” Liz says. Diane pauses. “Liz, I... I pull in the big clients. I... I get the billable hours. But still, ‘maybe you should step aside.’ Weren’t we going to form a firm led by women?” Diane argues. Oh, wow, I have so much to say.

First, I completely understand why Diane doesn’t want to give up her title or her power. She's Diane Lockhart! She’s been one of the best in her field for decades. She’s not wrong about the clients and billable hours. It’s just that every time Diane decides to be at this firm, making arguments about how she should retain her role in power, she’s saying that she values her own career/appearance more than the values she claims to care about. And every time she refuses to take a back seat or threatens to walk rather than sacrifice, she’s saying she’ll only through her weight behind her colleagues and their mission if she gets credit for it. To be clear, I don’t think it would be the shittiest decision in the world if Diane decided to walk, to take her clients to a new firm and to let RL become the firm Madeline and the rest envision. It’s asking a lot of her to give up that power and prestige. The interesting part of this dilemma is, to me, that Diane claims to value working for RL and to be active in the fight against racism... but the second she’s forced to choose between that fight and her own power, we all know what Diane is going to choose. There was never really any doubt. Diane doesn’t have to be on the forefront of this fight if she doesn’t want to... but she can’t claim to be invested in the fight if she isn’t willing to sacrifice, at all.

Second, LMAO at this firm led by women idea. Every time Diane talks about her firm led by women idea it sounds sillier! Not because a firm led by women is silly, but because Diane has a habit of saying this like it is a shared goal and each time she references it, it sounds less and less intersectional. For example, when she says it here, she’s essentially saying a firm led by women only has meaning if one of those women is a white woman (specifically a white woman named Diane Lockhart). Who’s to say that Madeline wouldn’t be made partner in Diane’s absence? Or Barbara (haha) or someone else we haven’t met? There is a very real possibility that Liz and another woman could run the firm and Diane would still be unhappy about it. Diane doesn’t ask Liz for a commitment that if she does step aside, her replacement would be female (idk if it’s legal to make this commitment but you get my point). Diane acts like asking her to step aside is already a betrayal of the female led firm.

“And I hope that it will be,” Liz says, basically hinting to Diane that there are women in the world besides her.

“But black women?” Diane says, agitatedly. “Diane, I... am not voting against you. I promised you that I wouldn’t. But there is growing anger here. They want to address it at the next partners' meeting. So just think about it,” Liz responds.

I think Liz is totally fair and forthcoming in this scene and strikes pretty much the right tone for this initial conversation. She gives Diane a choice and is honest with her.

“You’re a good person,” Liz adds. Diane does a double-take, understanding that Liz is actually telling her “You are a good person, so you know that you absolutely need to step aside.”

“No, I’m not!” Diane responds. As I said: Diane already knows what she is going to do. She needs to do mental gymnastics to excuse her actions, but her mind was made up before the question was even raised. (She did warn Liz in 5x01 she was going to fight any attempt to push her out.)

“Yes, you are,” Liz says again. She may as well be saying, “No, don’t try this. Everyone will think you’re in the wrong if you push this.”

Later, at home, Diane is doing some stretches on the floor and groaning. I don’t know if this scene is meant to show her age, but it does remind me that Diane is nearly 70 and started off this show by planning to retire. Retirement doesn’t seem to be an option for her here. (That’s fine by me; she is a workaholic whose career is her life.)

Kurt asks Diane what she wants to do. She says she wants to keep her name on the letterhead and “keep what I fought for.” Heh, I was just re-reading something I wrote about Cary a while ago and I’d pointed out that when Alicia and Cary discuss merging with what’s left of LG, Cary is also concerned about his name on the letterhead because even though he wants to change the world, he also cares about having power. It’s almost like Diane and Cary are really similar characters! (They are! That’s why the Diane/Cary moment in Hitting the Fan is so good!)

Diane calls her position as name partner a fight against “gender and then age discrimination.” She isn’t wrong, especially when you consider how meaningful it likely was when she and Stern went into business together. It’s very easy for me to forget that when Diane has such an attachment to fighting for white women’s rights, it’s not just because she’s out of touch and selfish: it’s because that was something she personally had to fight for. That doesn’t make it okay that she seems to forget the concept of intersectionality (which she’s definitely aware of) the second anything challenges her own power, but it does explain why a firm run by women is so important to her.

Diane is not wrong that she deserves name partnership and she’s not wrong to not want to step aside. Yet, starting a war to retain her position as name partner is a CHOICE. The best thing for Diane to do here (morally, I mean) would be for her to step aside and throw her resources behind the firm’s new leadership, using her experiences and stature to benefit the firm (this would also be a way for her to cement her legacy and mentor a new generation of leaders). The best compromise, I think, would be for someone to leave the current firm—either Diane or the dissenting partners, probably Diane since Liz seems to agree with Madeline—without any hard feelings. The worst possible choice is for Diane to insist that this firm is hers and force every single tension at the firm to come to a head, screwing over Liz in the process and potentially permanently ruining the firm’s status as a black firm. Sooo... yeah.

(I say it could ruin the firm’s status as a black firm because if Diane’s a white partner who happens to be there and the firm is mostly black, that’s one thing. If Diane is a white partner who fought all of the black partners to assert her own dominance over their firm... that’s hard to come back from. She can’t really call herself an ally, can she?)

“Diane, this is the first time I’ve ever heard you sound defeated,” Kurt says. “Because I can’t win this,” she says. She insists she can’t even after Kurt tries to cheer her on (of course he does, he probably thinks having an all black firm is just identity politics and therefore worthless).

“You just don’t want to,” Kurt says. He is not wrong. This is a winnable fight for Diane. Liz is smart but Diane has the experience, the clients, the power, and her own reputation to use in this fight. Liz has her dad’s name (and I don’t think it would come to this, but Diane knows how she can pretty easily destroy Liz’s dad’s reputation). (Liz is great, don’t get me wrong. Liz is also someone who happened into a name partnership because her dad was important.)

“It’s bigger than that. To fight this would go against every fiber of my being,” Diane says. “Every fiber in your being is about winning,” Kurt counters. Oh, damn. That’s a succinct way of putting it. He is completely right. Diane would love to think that every fiber of her being is about her commitment to social justice and women’s rights. It is not. If that were the case, would she really be a lawyer with clients like ChumHum, Bishop, Sweeney, Rivi, and Wolfe-Colman? We all know the answer to this. We all know Diane likes social justice a lot but winning, wealth, and power far more.

When I first watched TGW, now nearly a decade ago, I was a high schooler and my media diet mostly consisted of Desperate Housewives and a bunch of procedurals like Bones and Castle. The thing that hooked me about TGW—more than Alicia’s journey, more than anything—was that TGW never had easy answers to anything. Will tells Diane in 1x07 that “nothing here is pure and nothing here is simple” and that basically blew my mind. TGW always made it obvious that Will was morally gray, which fascinated me. But I struggled with Diane. Here was this woman who looked like she should be someone so impressive and inspirational I could write a college admissions essay about her (I did not, but that was my frame of reference at the time)… but the decisions she made... never seemed all that great?? I couldn’t comprehend it.

When Blue Ribbon Panel aired in March 2012, I wrote to a friend, “Diane confused me a little bit tonight. She didn’t approve of Alicia standing up to the panel, and yet, she’s supposed to care about people, the truth, morality, etc etc. I never understand Diane’s motivations– is her philosophy to help others whenever it wouldn’t hurt her, personally, to do so?”

At that point, Diane compromising her values struck me as something confusing because I wanted to think of her as a powerful role model and icon, and I didn’t know what to do with someone who looked like and often was role model material who also sometimes betrayed her values for her own self-interest. I had my analysis of Diane down: she her motivations ARE to help others whenever it wouldn’t hurt her, personally, to do so. All I needed to do was remove my question mark from the end of that thought.

I promise I’ll move on from quoting myself, but I also want to share a paragraph I wrote about Diane in March 2014 (during season five of Wife) because it says what I want to say now as well as anything I could write today:

Diane is driven and ambitious. Her initial actions can come as the result of intense emotions, but given enough time and space, Diane will always be strategic and pragmatic when it comes to business. She’s spent her entire life putting her career first, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. That she found love is just icing. Kurt aside, the two most important things to Diane are advancing her own self-interest and doing good in the world. These objectives appear to be a contradiction, and often, they are. Nine times out of ten, when it comes down to it, she’ll choose herself. I mean no judgment here: another central aspect of Diane’s character is that she’s upfront about her choices and stands by them, and this sort of moral ambiguity makes for a great character.

The reason I quote myself here is not to be like, ha ha, I was right. It's because I think this episode is even more powerful because I can copy/paste in stuff I wrote nine years ago or seven years ago (oh god, 2014 was seven years ago?) verbatim and it can hold up as analysis. Both Fight and Wife have always implied Diane’s selfish side and given more than enough evidence to make a convincing argument about it, but they’ve never really engaged with it directly (and if you ask the social media teams for either show, Diane is a #queen who can never do wrong). This episode interrogates something that’s always been an unpleasant part of Diane’s character, and I’m so fucking glad about it.

(I don’t think anyone’s accusing Diane of not growing as a person but it crossed my mind that this could be seen as lack of growth. I don’t think it is. I wouldn’t expect Diane to change. Her life and career are so set that growth on this without a LOT of struggle on her part would feel like a cop out.)

Another reason I quote myself is to highlight how friggin’ character driven this episode is. I’ve seen a lot of people saying this episode felt like old-school TGW—and it absolutely does; that’s also how I felt—and I think that’s because it’s so character focused and meaty.

But back to this scene. Kurt tells Diane that if she doesn’t try to win she should just give up entirely. Seems like bad advice.

“Kurt, I appreciate the pep talk, but I don’t think the way you think. I cannot put my interests above a whole group of people—black people—just so I can keep my position.” Sure you can, Diane. You just don’t like to believe that about yourself. You know how Diane says to Kurt earlier that she knows the NRA will offer him the job? That is how I feel about this scene. The writers go to great lengths to explain where Diane’s head is at when she decides to fight for her partnership, but they’d have needed to do ten times more to get me to believe Diane would step aside voluntarily.

Kurt basically thinks that Diane should fight because if her competition is actually talented enough to deserve name partnership, they should fight her for it. He’s missing the point here.

“But a black person’s talent has always been valued less than mine,” Diane counters. The fact she knows and understands this makes her decision even less forgivable.

Kurt knows he’s going to lose this argument and tries the same strategy he did on 5x01: telling Diane she’s right and should just give up and leave the firm. Diane doesn’t like that answer either.

Given how much I loathed Jay’s hallucinations, I was expecting that when Diane asks Kurt in the middle of the night if he believes the election was stolen and then sits down at her fireplace to have a chat with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’d loathe what happened next. I did not! I actually really liked it!

I think this is more effective than Jay’s hallucinations, at least for me, because it's less gimmicky. It isn’t played for humor or quirk, and it gets to the character-driven point a LOT faster. This feels more similar to Alicia imagining Gloria Steinem is telling her she’s good enough to be on the Supreme Court in 6x03 than it does to Jay’s hallucinations.

I LOVE that Diane would dream that RBG would advise her on her work dilemma. Dream!RBG tells Diane that “any law firm would be insane to let you go.” (I don’t wanna spend too much time fighting dream logic, but I feel like the operative phrase here is ‘let you go’. Are the RL partners seeing this as letting Diane go? Or are they just trying to get at a different goal and Diane is in the way, and they don’t really care if Diane has top connections or billable hours? It’s almost like the other RL partners want a firm that stands for something and all Diane has stood for thus far at the firm is profit...)

Diane pushes back on RBG and RBG shares her “real” thoughts. This is where this sequence clicks into place for me, because it’s working on a LOT of levels. Obviously, Diane is going to imagine that her hero tells her to do exactly what she wants to do (the aforementioned mental gymnastics). But without losing the level on which this is dream!RBG and filtered through Diane’s POV, the writers are also... criticizing RBG for not stepping down herself!? It’s fascinating and pointed and makes her the exact right choice to play Diane’s conscience.

Dream!RBG shares her life story and notes how she was always asked to step aside, but she didn’t and that’s how she got to be RBG. “Don’t step aside because someone wants you to. Don’t step aside for politics. Men are always asking women to step aside so a man can go first,” RBG advises Diane. Even Diane knows that this isn’t exactly equal to her current situation-- “Even though I’m being asked to step aside so that a black person can take my place?” she counters.

So RBG asks if Diane can still do something “for women” if she says. Diane says yes, and RBG says Diane should do that instead of stepping aside—she should do whatever it takes. That’s the wrong takeaway, Diane! If you want to do something for women then a) you could do something for the black women at your firm lol or b) you could politely remove yourself from the firm, encourage your most profitable clients to stay on if they are wanted by the other partners or and/or c) you could choose to bring your talent and your stature to a non-profit. But, of course, these options aren’t on the table. There’s a reason the options are leave and lose everything or stay and fight for name partnership, and it’s that Diane cares about maintaining control of what she sees as hers and winning more than she cares about anything else, including or even especially her desire to help women.

And also what women is she even helping at RL? Herself? She’s certainly not helping Wolfe-Coleman's rape victim. The closest she’s recently come to helping women is when she told off Weinstein’s lawyer and tried to start #MeToo... in a DREAM.

The score for the next sequence sounds so familiar and I can’t place it. At first, I thought it was Hitting the Fan, but I’m not sure if that’s the right reference (also, damn, the Hitting the Fan score is REALLY GOOD!). I think it might be similar to 5x14 when Alicia’s pacing back and forth in the hotel room.

Anyway, Diane starts meeting with her (white, male) clients to tell them about how she’s stepping aside. She hasn’t run this past any of the other partners, of course. She’s doing exactly what they want, in the most malicious and calculated way possible.

One of her clients is a fracking client who wants to win over democrats by being a RL client.

Diane is so sneaky here! No one said that if Diane steps aside as partner she can’t handle the day to day on her cases... yet that’s what Diane tells this client since she knows it’ll make him mad!

Diane makes a point of showing her fracking client that his new representation will be Madeline. He doesn’t know anything about Madeline, and, as Diane was likely counting on, he isn’t confident in having a black woman he’s less “comfortable” with on his cases. I don’t know if Diane was going for the racial element here, but... if you’re really concerned about continuity, you don’t have this meeting without having Madeline ready to jump in and show she’s read up on the client. I’m sure it’s possible that Diane meant nothing in giving this client only Madeline’s name, title, gender, and race to go off of, but is that likely?

She hands another (white, male) client off to Julius, whom she describes as a “very competent lawyer.” What an introduction. She says she’s not retiring and the firm “just wants to let some other people step forward into a name partner position.” Diane knows how to sell clients on changes they won’t like. She knows this isn’t how you do it.

That phrase, “comfortable with you” is doing a lot of work, no? Both clients so far have said it, and while it might not be racially coded... it’s racially coded.

“Who should we call about it?” the clients ask. Diane can barely keep herself from smiling.

They call David Lee, immediately. He takes the call in the middle of a meeting, while someone else is talking—he is David Lee, after all.

The information on the screen in David’s meeting is quite interesting. It’s about STRL’s plans for RL. Here’s how the firm is described: “RL is a high-end mid-sized Chicago law firm that can consolidate its specialized brand within the American POC community and expand its national and global brand with STR Laure.” Soooo... yeah. For the corporate overloards, RL needs it to be just black enough that it appears like a black firm, but they care more about appearances and branding than anything of substance. (Notice how it says “POC” and not black? Notice how there’s this mention of national and global presence that doesn’t seem to be on the RL partners’ mind?)

There’s an area called room for growth, listing top clients—entertainment law, fracking, the DNC, and civil cases against CPD. Interestingly, two of these are Liz’s clients (entertainment and DNC), one is Adrian’s (civil cases against CPD), and only fracking is Diane’s... so maybe I didn’t give Liz enough credit earlier.

There’s also a plan of action that includes partners working with STRL and the 15-20% layoffs we already know about. I don’t think this text is meant to include any new info, but I assume one of the writers had a hand in writing it and it’s a good way of confirming things that had been subtext.

Wackner’s reality show looks... well, like his court, because his court always looked like a reality show. Cutting together the most out-there moments (audience reaction cards, Wackner singing “Come on defense!”, Wackner renaming himself Judge Shmuley for a day) makes Wackner look pretty bad.

Hey Liz, I thought you figured out how to silence your notifications for Dawnk permanently. (It’s not all high-stakes controversy over on the “R&L General” channel—the anon animals are now discussing a broken coffee maker.) (Though even this discussion is a bit political! Anon Owl says they bet STR’s coffee machine works, and Anon Dolphin wants to know why they don’t have more coffee maters at RL.)

There’s also a dance party—which Marissa participates in—in the footage of Wackner.

Hey, wouldn’t Marissa have reported the cameras to Diane and Liz? I feel like she’d know they’d want to know.

Wackner ends up on the stand to offer context for the strange-looking clips. In a smart move, Liz offers to just let Judge Farley ask questions—she knows that’s what Farley is really after.

Unsurprisingly, Wackner’s context makes his outrageous practices seem much more reasonable. There’s a scoreboard to keep lawyers aware of where they’re standing so they can gauge instead of guess at Wackner’s thought process. Shmuley is to honor a recently deceased relative. The costumes are to prevent bias and cut down entitlement.

Plaintiff’s counsel argues that Wackner is biased and the case continues even though Wackner’s (mostly) won over Farley.

The case next turns to something about copyright law that sounds downright silly—the point is to underline that Wackner’s court makes more sense than real court on some things. It makes more common sense and it’s less racist.

Del gets called into court. It’s interesting how these scenes are blocked together rather than spread out. The same is true of Diane’s scenes—after credits, we have Diane and Liz at the bar, Diane at home, Diane talking to RBG, Diane making moves, and then David Lee becoming aware of the situation. Then we have several consecutive court scenes (all of which feel like they have natural break points) of Wackner stuff. If I had to guess, I would guess that it’s to keep the momentum going. The Diane stuff plays better when it feels like a continuous chain rather than a subplot.

(The only thing that suffers is that I have no idea why there’s a court scene about copyright law right after the plaintiff argues they have evidence about Wackner’s bias? I probably wouldn’t have even noticed if the scenes had been spread out more.)

Now Cord’s involvement with Wackner’s court becomes an issue. It’s funny they need a witness to bring up Cord when Cord is SITTING IN THE COURT ROOM.

Apparently Cord is financing a company that would compete with the plaintiff’s company and this means Wackner is biased. As the next scene will explain, Cord wasn’t even aware of his investment in the rival company, and Wackner certainly wasn’t. But, regardless, it’s going to be challenging to prove that neither Wackner nor Cord knew about the investment, and the opposition is going to go after Cord’s financial records, which no one wants. Liz suggests a continuance, which would give Wackner about a year to keep working on his court before they have to come back to this issue.

Wackner HATES the idea of delays and is all, THIS IS WHY I HAVE MY OWN COURT and again, he isn’t wrong.

David Lee needs to see Liz, now. Liz and Diane meet in David Lee’s office and stare at their phones. Diane says she has no idea what the meeting is about, even though she basically set up the meeting herself.

“What the fuck is going on?” David Lee says. Diane feigns surprise and asks for more specifics. David Lee reveals that four top clients have called with issues about their representation shifting.

Liz knows what’s going on and aggressively says, “Diane, thoughts?” “Nothing from me. I met with my clients. I just told them of a restructuring that I was being told about,” Diane says like it’s no big deal. Liz and Diane both know that Diane forced this meeting.

“Is this a power play on your part?” Liz asks Diane. “No, it’s just updating my clients,” Diane says for David Lee’s benefit or commitment to the bit or something. It is definitely a power play, and a nearly unforgivable one done to an ally.

“David, Diane was told about frustration at the partner level about a white woman being a name partner in a black firm. And apparently, this is her response,” Liz explains. “I just told our clients what was going on,” Diane defends. David Lee doesn’t really care about what happened: he cares about one thing, and that thing is money.

“Diane’s a fucking name partner until STR Laurie says she’s not. No one decides until I decide. Now stick your race war back in its bottle,” David Lee says. I mean, basically, yeah, that’s what happens when you merge with a huge firm that only cares about profit.

I like that this ends up coming back to STRL. You can’t really have a conversation about RL’s identity without also acknowledging that RL is not independently owned. Sure, STRL will care at some point if RL loses its clout with the black community—but like most companies, they care about guaranteed loss of profit and the short term more than long-term what-ifs. It may sound cynical, but if Madeline and all of the other partners quit, STRL would simply put all their effort into keeping Liz or even just the Reddick name and would then hire black lawyers who think more like Julius than Madeline to keep the reputation. STRL does not give a shit about helping anyone, and that’s what Diane counts on.

I do not believe the version of RL that Madeline wants can exist when they’re under STRL’s control. I believe the version Diane wants (not really a black firm) can, and I believe the version Liz seems to want (one that’s mostly black and occasionally social justice focused) can, but this issue won’t go away until STRL does.

Sure, Diane, keep telling yourself you’re fighting the good fight out here.

(Perhaps “The Good Fight” is a more ironic and fraught title than it originally seemed.)

“That was a mistake. I am on your side, and you don’t even realize it,” Liz tells Diane afterwards. Interesting that Liz says “I am” and not “I was.” I would love to know what Liz really thinks about this situation and hope we get more from her POV next week. I think Liz wants to run a black firm, but I also think she wants to run a successful firm and likes working with Diane. Liz is on Diane’s side about as much as she can be while still advocating for Diane to step down.

Pissing off Liz is a very interesting move for Diane here, too. Diane wants to fight the one person who is on her side for control of a firm that doesn’t want her there, and she’s convinced herself this is the smart move! Kind of wild. What does Diane think the day to day will look like? I think I said this above, but in forcing this war, Diane is all but guaranteeing that if she wins, RL will only be a black firm in that STRL will say it’s one to make more money.

Julius and Diane chat next. Julius says he wants to start his own firm—with Diane. Her only reaction is laughter, but, like, this is probably happening. I’m not sure why she laughs. It’s not quite a case of unfortunate timing (Diane could’ve done this before she blew things up, and it’s not quite too late for Diane to commit to leaving and smooth things over with Liz), so maybe it’s just a “well, this sounds familiar!” laugh.

(If you think of Previously On as 5x00 instead of 5x01, that would make this episode 5x05, which would make this a Hitting the Fan callback. I can also do mental gymnastics!)

The episode could end there, but it doesn’t. We’ve still got a Wackner plot to resolve. Cord has some people beat up the plaintiff as a way of enforcing Wackner’s verdict and getting the real court case to go away. Marissa picks up on what’s happened faster than Wackner does, unless Wackner just doesn’t care.

It’s subtle, but throughout this episode, there’s a little bit of a trend towards Marissa becoming more skeptical of Wackner. She tries to keep him under control in court, tries to reason with him about the continuance, and in this scene, she just looks entirely displeased and alarmed every time she’s on camera.

We get another scene with RBG. “It’s different for me than it was for you,” Diane says. She notes that unlike RBG, she herself is up against another “dominated culture.” This other dominated culture is “black lawyers.” (I’m sorry, I just find the way she says “black lawyers” funny, partially because she says “lawyers” instead of people and partially because Diane seems insistent on only occasionally remembering that Liz is both black and female.)

I can’t tell if this scene was originally intended to close the episode or not. The blocks of scenes, the way the episode seems like it should’ve ended with Julius’s laugh but instead has three more scenes (guy getting beat up, Wackner’s court, this one), and the fact the Kings said this episode had to be almost totally rethought because both Christine and Audra had concerns about the original script all suggest to me that maybe some of the scenes in this episode got shuffled around to keep momentum and hit the right notes at the right time.

Diane acknowledges that RBG could’ve stepped down and we wouldn’t have a conservative majority on the court now if she had. RBG insists that she wouldn’t have stepped aside even if Obama had guaranteed that her replacement would be black. She says it’s because she only knows what she can do—not what others would do. And “what you know is always better than what might happen.”

Even if this was originally supposed to happen earlier (Diane saying she doesn’t know what to do makes me feel like it way), I like that we get to see it’s still weighing on Diane after the fact.

(Also, I have seen some comments about, for lack of a better phrase, the girl power energy of these Diane and RBG scenes. No! These scenes aren’t a tribute to RBG! She’s in these scenes because she didn’t step down and can thus help Diane excuse her own actions! These scenes aren’t exactly anti-RBG, but they are certainly critical of some of her choices!)

The topic shifts to Diane and Kurt’s relationship (another reason to put this somewhere other than the main part of the episode; this would slow down the momentum of the middle part of the episode) and its similarity to RBG’s friendship with Scalia.

Tbh, I don’t think a friendship and a marriage are all that similar on this front and I’d be curious to see Diane think about RBG/Scalia in the context of her potential partnership with Julius rather than her marriage.

RBG basically tells Diane to stay with Kurt. Diane thanks her, and then, back in reality, tells Kurt to take the NRA job so he’ll be happy—and then she’ll just sue him. Okay, that feels like an episode ending, so I am REALLY curious about all the re-writing and re-structuring that happened in this episode and what did/didn’t get touched. I can’t make up my mind about what feels out of place.

So we start out with Diane feeling like it might be the right thing to explore whether or not it still makes sense for her to be with Kurt, a suspected insurrectionist and future NRA employee, and Diane feeling like she wants to help her friends and partners at her mostly black firm do good in the world. And we end with Diane doubling down on her relationship with Kurt, giving her blessing for the NRA job, and fucking over her colleagues because she wants to keep her own power. Dark! I love it.

This episode does this all without making Diane entirely unsympathetic, which is astounding. While I think Diane knowingly makes choices that further her self-interest over the values she (claims to?) hold and I am definitely NOT Team Diane on her decisions in this episode, this episode could easily have been less interesting and complex. It’s understandable that Diane would not want to step aside from a firm she’s helped build—who would? It’s understandable that Diane might not feel the passion for a black firm the way she does for a female firm. It’s understandable that Diane might not want to blow up her marriage, despite her political differences from Kurt. This episode allows Diane to be just sympathetic enough she never becomes a flat villain, but never sympathetic enough that someone could mistake this episode for one that shows Diane as a morally pure hero. Personally, I love that in a TV show. That’s the exact kind of writing that made me love Alicia Florrick enough that I still spend a considerable amount of time thinking about her character arc even though TGW ended half a decade ago. It’s what’s been missing from a lot of TGF episodes for me, and why I’ve said that TGF seems like a show more about theme than character. It’s why I’ve written—oh god, TEN THOUSAND words—about this episode.

I have no clue what’s going to happen next, but I hope it includes more character-driven drama (ideally with a lot of good material for Liz) and not a lot of firm-jumping shenanigans.

#tgf thoughts #the good fight

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agwitow · 4 years ago

Text

Alpha Wolves

content warning: swearing, mild violence

Marcus yawned, his jaw cracking, and shook out his pants. It had been a long night, helping two pups with their first change. They were already packed into their parents’ SUVs, fast asleep, and on the way to their homes. In a few months they would be good to join a pack. It wasn’t always as simple with new shifters, but those two each had a parent who was one as well. Even at eight and ten, they knew a fair amount of what it meant to be a lycanthrope.

Dressed in sweats and a light cotton long-sleeved shirt, he ran a hand over his jaw and sighed. Full moon changes always made his hair grow. Even though he’d been clean-shaven before the change, he had what felt like two-days of growth now. Shaggy hair didn’t bother him nearly as much as a beard did, though by the end of the three days he’d need to get that trimmed as well.

He padded barefoot into the little cabin that served as his base of operations while helping new shifters and started a pot of coffee brewing. He hated the stuff, but it would be at least a couple hours before he could head home to sleep, so he needed something to keep him awake.

While it percolated, he checked his phone. Three emails from work, two from the pack, and some spam. He’d just opened the first email when the phone rang.

“Porter Consulting.”

“Mr. Porter, it’s Deputy Palerma from the EKSD,” a male with a pleasant tenor said.

East Keddol was a small town several miles from Hapburgh, the city Marcus lived and worked in. It was in the interesting position of being almost perfectly between Hapburgh pack territory and Redview pack territory. Surprisingly few places fell into the odd in-between spaces between packs, and, as far as he knew, no one had developed any specific protocols for dealing with them.

“How can I help you today, Deputy?”

“We have a shifter—twenty-three-year-old male—who attacked his friends when he shifted for the first time. Miss Davidson recommended I call you.”

Kaelyn Davidson did for the Redview pack what Marcus did for the Hapburgh one. She was, if he remembered correctly, also a month or two out from giving birth. Handling an adult shifter who’d already hurt people was probably not high on her list of ways to spend her time.

“I see. Is your new shifter awake?”

“No. We had to hit him with a tranq to be able to bring him in. He’s changed back, but hasn’t woken up yet.”

Marcus snorted. Safety Departments were, mostly, better than the old police system, but sometimes they were still a little too trigger happy. At least it was a tranquilizer dart instead of a clip of bullets. “I’ll send someone to pick him up. He’s going to wake up before they get there, and he’s going to be cranky and hungry.”

“I’ve taken the class on shifters, Mr. Porter,” Deputy Palerma said, sounding offended. “There is a post-shift recovery kit in the fridge.”

He stifled a sighed. “If that’s all you have, that’s fine, but it would be better if the new shifter could get freshly made food. Eggs, nuts, oats, cottage cheese or Greek yogurt, and pumpkin seeds are best. Avoid meat, if possible, especially red meat.”

“I thought shifters need protein the morning after?”

“We do, and the foods I listed are all high protein items. New shifters can find meats to be… an issue at first. As I’m not able to speak with your young man at present, it’s better to be cautious.”

There was a moment of silence on the line before Palerma said, “Alright. Who will be coming, and when should we expect them?”

“It’ll depend on who is free.”

“Can’t you just tell someone to do it? You’re the alpha, aren’t you?”

Marcus had to grit his teeth to keep from groaning. That damn study from the 40s. “That’s not quite how things work. All pack members have proper ID.”

“Fine,” he said, the word ending with an annoyed click of his tongue.

“Thank you. Someone will be there between 10:30 and noon.”

Once they’d said their farewells, Marcus sent out a quick message through the pack’s group chat.

New shifter, East Keddol holding, possible alpha complex. Any takers?

He set the phone down and poured himself a cup of coffee, adding enough cream and sugar to make it mostly palatable, before settling on a stool at the tiny kitchen’s bar-height table. He’d drunk half the cup before a chime indicated he’d gotten a response. Two more chimes rang out before he’d picked the phone back up.

Eddie: I’m free but never handled an alpha complex b4 wdin2k?

Ksenia: lol take a muzzle

Julianne: y can’t the Reds take em?

Marcus rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighed, and replied: Kaelyn’s 8 mo. Pregnant. Take the green SUV, put him in the back, and keep the divider up.

Eddie: is it that dangerous?

Thomas: alpha-complexers are just assholes

Julianne: TOM! There are CHILDREN in this chat

Thomas: no regrets!

Marcus temporarily turned notifications off for the group chat, replied to the most important of the work emails, set up reminders for the other two, then headed for the cabin’s futon. By the time he’d make it to his apartment in the city, he’d barely have any time to sleep before he’d need to head back out to meet the new shifter. So he’d nap on the futon and feel stiff for most of the afternoon.

A little after 2pm, the rumbling and crunch of a vehicle coming up the gravel drive to the cabin announced the arrival of Eddie and the new shifter. Marcus set aside his laptop and headed out to the porch to greet them. He was still barefoot and wearing sweats and the long-sleeved shirt, but he’d run a trimmer through the beard so he felt less like a back-woods mountain man.

The car had barely come to a complete stop before the back door opened and a young man stepped out with a glower. He was around average height, with enough muscle mass to indicate he worked out at least somewhat regularly. Dark blond hair hung to his shoulders and a thick beard wrapped his jaw—though whether that was a stylistic choice or the moon driven change accelerating his hair growth even more than it did for Marcus was unclear.

“You Marcus?” the young man demanded.

He raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms, and leaned against one of the porch supports. “I am. And you are?”

“Joseph.”

He nodded and shifted his gaze to Eddie, who’d stepped around to the front of the SUV. “How was the drive?”

Eddie shrugged, his gaze darting to Joseph and then away. “S’okay. Wouldn’t want to do it again, though.”

“Don’t blame you. Thanks for doing it, though. See you next week for a run, okay?”

His shoulders relaxed and he smiled. “Of course. Later, Marcus.”

Joseph scoffed. “Like he would be any good.”

Marcus shook his head and stepped down off the porch. He was a little shorter than the new shifter, though broader in the shoulders and with more muscle mass. “You will respect each and every member of our pack, or you’ll be sent to Palstead Institution. It is not a pleasant introduction to being a shifter.”

“Whatever, man. Just give me whatever stupid speech you’ve got so I can challenge you.”

“There will be no ‘challenging’ here.”

“Fuck that. I ain’t no submissive bitch.”

“What you do or don’t do in the bedroom has no relevance to this situation.”

Red flooded Joseph’s face a moment before he took a swing at Marcus. He’d obviously had a little bit of training, but the movement was still too big to be truly effective.

Marcus side-stepped and twisted a little so that he had more leverage as he placed a palm against Joseph’s arm and pushed. It wasn’t a big push, but the kid had overextended himself and it knocked him off balance enough to make him stumble. He took a step back and waited for the next attack he knew would be coming.

Joseph didn’t disappoint. He came up swinging wildly, rushing toward him as if he couldn’t decide whether to beat his face in or tackle him to the ground.

Marcus calmly deflected each blow, leading Joseph in a circle as he side-stepped and backed away from the attacks. Less than a minute later, Jospeh was panting and struggling to even come close to landing any blows.

“Have you finished with your temper tantrum, yet?” Marcus asked.

Joseph glared at him but stopped, bending over with hands on knees as he panted.

“You seem to be under the misunderstanding that pack members fight each other. Different packs rarely even fight each other.”

“How…how do you know who’s alpha, then?”

“There is no ‘alpha.’ Not the way you’re thinking, anyway.”

“What?”

Marcus sighed and took a seat on the ground. The grass was soft and, thanks to a sunny morning, contained no hint of dampness. After a moment’s hesitation, Joseph slumped down as well. “Pack is family. Would you pick a fight with your dad to try and take over the family?”

“No…”

He shrugged. “Picking a fight with a pack member makes about as much sense. We each have a role to play, and that role is based on our skills and personality and knowledge. Not on who we’re able to beat up.”

“Aren’t we wolves? At least partly?”

“Yes. And that’s how wolves behave.”

Joseph stared at him blankly.

He sighed again. “Come inside. I’ll make you a tuna sandwich and you can read one of the brochures.”

Joseph followed him inside, silent, but with a simmering edge of anger beneath his exhaustion. Once the full moon was over and the forced changes weren’t sapping his energy, he would be a real pain in the ass if Marcus couldn’t nip the problem in the bud.

“Here,” he said, picking up a glossy tri-fold and handing it over. “Have a seat. Read. I’ll make the sandwiches.”

He settled onto a stool, shoulders hunched and brows drawn. “Why Alpha-Dog Theory is BS,” he read. “Seriously?”

“Mhm,” Marcus replied. “Some of the pack wanted to title it It’s Not Your Inner Wolf, You’re Just an Asshole, but that seemed a bit confrontational.”

“… Oh.”

“Mhm.”

(Moon-Bound - part 2)

If you enjoyed this, you might be interested in my published work, which can be found at: Prairie Owl Publishing ♦ Amazon♦ Kobo♦ Chapters/Indigo♦ Barnes & Noble ♦ Thriftbooks

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#writing #writeblr #flash fiction #werewolves #original fiction #urban supernatural

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bittybattybunny · 4 years ago

Note

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

#ask #anon #not art #long post #sorry im just in a bad spot tonight I guess #like i started my day pretty okay but somewhere along the way it nose dived and I'm just trying to not cry in my room

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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

Text

•ALLEGRA BIANCHI•

IG info/bio: @/theeallegrabianchi | 303k followers| Entrepreneur | bad bitches go to therapy thxz 🦭👄

(24) 26 years old

From Swansea, Wales

Ofc she knows who Catherine Zeta-Jones is...her mother literally resembles her and remembers people coming up to her mom countless times asking for a pic growing up, and Allegra hated taking pics for these imbeciles...mainly because the attention wasn’t on her

has a dysfunctional family...

her mother is critical of almost everything she does but at least she paying attention?

and feels her father is neglectful and only seems to be heard when she’s in his face

all they know how to do is scream at each other instead of talking calmly to one another

her mother is of Venezuelan heritage

And Her father is of Italian heritage

her father’s side of the family resides in calabria italy

he named her after his high school gf that passed away due to his irresponsible drunk driving on their senior prom night

Her parents do not have the healthiest of relationships due to her father constantly cheating on her mother in the past...leading to verbal and physical fights

also has a kid or two outside of their marriage because of his unfaithfulness and allegra learned to hate them because of the hurt her mother showcased

In the beginning she was only around them because her father enforced it, that she needed to know her family “blood is all you got in the end.” He would always say but that was bs

Would take her, her half sibs, and her full sibs on day trips/weekend trips in his suburban

Has three full older brothers and one full younger sister

Because of this, Allegra did not have a clear view of what love was supposed to be and felt that anger in a relationship is supposed to be somewhat of the norm?

Many times she wished at night in her bed with a pillow over her head that her parents would just file for a divorce already when their fights would get bad to the point things would get broken and her mother would h*t her father (once with a metal bat) and throw him out of the house

Has had the cops called on their household before and cps definitely has/had a file on them

Has been in family therapy before and is currently in therapy mainly for herself because of the trauma & how it’s messed with her spirit as a person

Loves? Cares for her parents from afar but will never understand their relationship and why they’re still together to this day

Can go months without speaking to any of her family members and be completely fine with that

Had her younger sis, Nerina put her PRIVATE shit on blast via internet after love island aired and completely cut her off since she is “a clout chaser and money hungry bitch who can’t take care of own her child cause she opened her legs to a meth head who loves prison” OOP

she only has a decent relationship with one of her brothers who’s two years older than her, Vito. They seem to be the closest out of the sibs and he’s the only one she bothers to speak to from time to time

She’s a “cocktail entrepreneur” so I’m guessing she has her own business where she specializes in her own cocktail drinks? Working in some upscale rooftop/penthouse bar where she successfully makes profits from her signature drinks or has a brand that focuses mainly on cocktails

It took years for her business to take off and hasn’t been easy, not one bit. At times it felt like everyone wanted to see her fail and she has openly spoken about her struggles as not only a entrepreneur but as a woman in this business where no one wanted to take a chance on her

That just lit the fire that’s already inside of her

Aries sun + Leo moon + Scorpio rising? (Personality vs how you react to things emotionally vs you’re outside shell for those who don’t follow this too much. I’m not too in depth about it but I do find it interesting!)

Or should she be reversed as a Leo sun with a Aries moon? Aries are direct, fiery, one step ahead of others, impulsive, and know how to take charge. Leo’s are dramatic, loves attention, passionate, loyal, warm, and have a need to express their passions, and scorpios are intense, secretive, mysterious, and work strategically

anyways, I feel like she’s definitely improved as a person over the span of two years? Or at least I hope she has cause everyone goes thru changes

And she was frustrating in s1 so I just know she had some deeper issues going on so I really think therapy is helping her ass I wish it would help me lmao

Being cheated on honestly made her feel like her mother, weak in her mind she was with this dude for awhile—3 years and he just up and thought it was okay to cheat on her? With his personal trainer?! Yet he didn’t gain any muscle mass?! The ultimate disrespect!!! but one thing she knew? She wasn’t going to stick around like her mom did

But she was bitter about it foresure. She ultimately wanted to corner the girl for messing with HER man but part of her knew she wasn’t the only one to blame. However that didn’t stop her for cussing her out via voicemail a couple of times while intoxicated

Allegra always strived for love cause she’s never really seen it before or felt it

Sure she’s had many boyfriends before?And their names didn’t matter not only because she didn’t remember them? But she never felt the spark with them in the first place?

Maybe she wasn’t meant for love so she kinda put on this bitchy front and always been that way with some shitty friends she had around her until she recently cut them off a year ago

has gotten herself into trouble as a kid: trespassing, and destroying public property, smoking in the girls bathroom, physical altercations, cutting class, being assigned community service, etc... all with these friends she’s had for years!

Before she met her problematic friends in secondary, when she was in her pre-teen stage she was involved in the handbell team and in the Color guard but hates to admit it even tho her parents have pics all over the flat

went away to uni for a semester and wanted to join a sorority but the hazing was extreme to the point she was sent to the hospital then accepted? Which led to more trauma in her life so she dropped out

A few years later she decided on online courses and moved out of her parents flat as soon as she could with the $ she saved up and did not leave in the house since it was not safe to smh

Therapy was really helping sis, she felt a lot better and was working on her deep rooted issues mainly the anger and hurt and never really realized how it revolves around her life. She was super thankful for her therapist and reshaping herself

Many didn’t buy it but she knew she couldn’t give that much of a fuck? She couldn’t. In order to grow you got to learn that you have to involve for yourself and not others

She didn’t like the person she saw watching the show back but when she came back to the reunion a part of her hoped people saw some sort of change in her—even if it’s only been a few months since the show then

Sometimes she’ll slip back into old habits, wanting and doing so by snapping on people and blacking out by getting intoxicated and knowing that healing is a process and valuing yourself is the exact same

has a toy poodle that she loves deeply

doesn’t have many outside friends after cutting off the ones that were toxic

is pro-ab*rtion and had one herself which was aired out by her sister online

has a cozy flat that has a lot of brick exposure inside, a navy sofa which is her favorite piece in her house, and a view to die for!! which erases the fact that her apartment is “cozy” which she uses to replace the fact that it’s much smaller than what she originally wanted. She dreams big ya know!!!

currently has a crush on her art teacher who resembles Adam Rodriguez

but also feels like liking your teacher/instructor is a bit weird? Even tho they’re both grown

yes she is taking art classes now outside of work to find something that’ll bring her peace and these pass months they have until COVID hit where classes had to be cancelled yet she was contacted to continue online but she felt her art was truly shit but he says art is subjective

She feels like there’s a connection there? But at the same time isn’t looking for another relationship until she fully works on herself first! That took awhile for her to accept after she fell into some relations with a few ppl after the show

from there she realized that she might like girls too? And got a little annoyed that it took her this long to figure out especially with the way she felt around MC and cherry

doesn’t like to admit this but her fav holiday is Christmas? Even tho the theme is majorly corny to her but it actually makes her happy?

Feels like that was the only time her family showed love towards each other, and even tho they didn’t come from much, they always followed thru with their traditions

and she misses them a little bit around this time and might be the first one to call them even if the calls are short lived and kinda awkward at first

Loves making gingerbread houses and cookies

i feel like she now embraces her forearm hair but still gets everything else lasered

Miss Allegra has inches okay?! But I definitely feel like now in 2020 she’s chopping that shit off into a pixie cut and when she posts on the gram her hair is usually always damp when she shows it off

some comments — jake: lovely! Jen: babe, ur beautiful! Erikah: 😍 Tim: how hot! You’ve got the whole resident evil thing goin for yous

“Did he just call me a virus?”

And she might get a like from mason that’ll make her feel some type of way

We all have to go thru some growth you know so do you girl!

You can’t tell me she doesn’t play stabscotch!

Used to be obsessed with social media way before going on love island but lately doesn’t mind disappearing for months at a time? You have to cleanse yourself from that shit

idk i see her being mostly cool with jen or erikah and will hang out with them from time to time? Maybe they experienced some growth too, shit I sure hope so

still feels something for mason??? But at the same time maybe it was mainly superficial since mason wasn’t fucking with her like that, not 100% but at the same time gets frustrated that he still doesn’t see where she’s coming from and it’s been 2 years???

She loves hard if given the chance and then feels like shit when it doesn’t work out cause it feels like she wasted a fuck load of time

she no longer follows him because she feels like it’s better for her spirit or whatever and she doesn’t need to see him with someone else

the only guy that she really interacts with is Tim, yet tim is cool with everybody!

Otherwise there’s no real connection with her and anybody else? She wants to keep love island separate from herself now because she’s not exactly the same as she was two years ago? And hopes someday people will get that

Probably watches those auction shows on the telly late at night when she can’t sleep, hoping and can afford some of those things one days

I feel like she has chronic migraines too?

Once had a significant other buy her Allegra-D in all seriousness for her birthday because it reminded them of her & thought it would help her headaches 🤨

Loves the snow, but hates cleaning it off her car! S/O to those HOA fees, bless it cause leggy’s deff bussed her ass once before breaking her collarbone and sued like a mf!!!

Since her hours are hardly consistent since she’s mainly her own boss, she’ll have late nights/early mornings when she returns home and has to shift days where she cleans the flat but when she cleans??? It’s best everyone stays tf out of her way

And don’t try to help her cause you’re doing it wrong 10/10 of the time, she loves cleaning and has dropped mad money on those super expensive vacuums

Only knows how to make what’s relative to her culture: arepas, penne alla vodka, and cawl but otherwise than that? She’d rather clean then spend hours in a kitchen cooking unless she’s making cocktails ofc!

also loves shopping for clothes but shoes are her fav things to shop for

Deff has a steamer over a iron for her clothes

Keeps eucalyptus and lavender oil in her purse at all times

posts mainly on her stories and made a deal with her supporters that she’ll go live once a month since she feels like she owes them that? Since she’s not as active anymore but she really doesn’t owe anybody shit but out of the newfound kindness of her heart...she does

Believes she got Covid before they all decided to do a shut down/lockdown of restaurants, bars, etc.. and her suspicions were proven correct after she decided to get tested

her anthem? Kali Uchis — Dead to me (acoustic version)

#litg #litg allegra #litg headcanons #litg headcanon #litg moodboard #litg mason #litg Tim #litg jake #litg jen #litg erikah #litg mc #litg oc #had to make to drama filled since s1 did us right along with s2 #I do feel like Allegra bettered? herself after the show and stand by that #I still laugh when I see her character in my head and the fact that someone said she looks like the bride of chucky #anyways I like giving people the benefit of the doubt and I think ppl like her better than Lucy? lmao so this is for y’all allegra stans #decided to give s3 a break and play s1 again hope that’s cool lol #also no longer doing celeb crush/music choices anymore cause I’ve run out? lol alright bye!

34 notes · View notes

mallowstep · 4 years ago

Text

tpons initial/reading thoughts

keeping my "liveblogging" in one place to maintain my mortorium on spoilers

tpons spoilers below the cut. obviously.

prologue

i swear to god if bramblestar comes back and i don't get squirrelstar i might actually seek out the collective representation of erin hunter and kill her

chapter one

bristlefrost.

bristlefrost, can you hear me [1].

jayfeather is under exactly the same stress as alderheart. so either you're implying alder is weak or you're in the "adoption isn't real" camp and i'm neutral on you as a character, i don't want to dislike you.

you know, i thought the scene in mtbnsof where all of thunderclan is like "yeah, let's just exile squirrelflight" [2] was exaggeration, and honestly i spent a long time workshopping it to make sure it felt natural, but apparently i didn't have to do that, because the characters are canonically OK with it!

do y'all want your leader back or bramblestar? (i'm not salty nope not me.) also twigbranch the fuck do you mean "it would be wonderful if bramblestar came back" like what he barely let you stay in thunderclan stfg.

fuck, i can't tell whether or not sparkpelt is denying lionblaze and jayfeather as squilf's kits, but they're really ruining my good faith in adoption. or just proving my point that it's not about adoption.

does thunderclan care about shadowsight? what is going on i swear did they forget he killed bramble and is responsible for the entire mess right now?

chapter two

shadowsight you did a bad of course they're not hiding how disappointed they are you did a bad my son

lmao it's the reverse of tawnypelt's clan [3], shadowsight is being kidnapped against his will for the tribe. also please can we go back to the tribe but only if it's good

he listed dovewing next to "clan leader" not "clan leader's mate" which implies dovewing has shc's respect which yes i stan

aww siblings being siblings. i miss that from po3. nothing has captured it as well. well, like, the sight.

chapter three

you know, i think part of why i've struggled so much with this arc is because i just don't like any of the pov characters. i don't dislike any of them but i don't like them.

yeah! tree defending rootspring!!!! fuck. good fathers in warriors.

so rootspring calls lionblaze TC deputy which means squirrelstar [4].

god they go, like, ages without caring whose parent is who and suddenly they're covering it all over again but like, in an adoption bad way, and just, fuck you erin hunter [5].

it's good to see lionblaze does care about her, fuck, can we just get some consistency here. (i mean god rootspring he lost his mom too --- i mean, if anyone should know this, your mom was violetshine, posterchild for bad adoption, who fought w twigbranch over adoptive mother shit)

i want a bernie meme like "i am once again asking for adoption to be treated like a legitmate form of family."

chapter four

wait why the fuck is bris faster than windclan their whole thing is being fast

also that moonkitti video about harestar having no personality[6] is painfully real i know nothing about this man

oh huh we were just talking about windclan camp[7]. this is actually pretty similar to the first ever description, right down to bris wondering how people sleep there (they don't.) well, uh, credit where credit is due, good job for sticking to your guns on windclan sleeps outside.

i love how crow and breeze being difficult is just common knowledge.

oh, so crowfeather gets credit for the three? fucking hell man i'm done.

also fuck you crowfeather for victim blaming i will be making a call out post so help me [8]

okay i'm ngl it feels like bris is crushing on lionblaze. i don't think that's supposed to be a thing [9], it just feels like that.

okay okay okay i'm confused in earlier books the great battle was like a well discussed thing. god, avos had that whole the names of the fallen thing. and now, not even a full generation later, and bris doesn't understand the dark forest? (also who's even in the dark forest?)

(oh wait this book is going to answer that. uh for the record, now, squirrelstar/mtbnsof has been fully plotted and will disregard whatever this book says, unless it's good.)

oh wow i guess we're just throwing out the concept of the moonpool why don't we. really, everything i heavily justified/couched in mtbnsof is happening unironically in canon.

mothwing and willowshine god fucking damn. they're prob my fav mentor/apprentice relationship. mistystar's omen stg.

what is it with everyone and bouncing all the fuck around with squirrelflight? like, okay, i'd get it if they doubted her because yeah, i could make a strong argument about clan morality and her actions [10]. but they're so on and off about it i hate it.

shadowsight.

shadowsight, can you hear me.

you're literally saying, "i could solve this, if i had a solution to the problem."

well ig we know who he takes after.

chapter five

what's up with this "darkest thoughts" bullshit come on you're really going to invalidate ivypool like that?

lionblaze really do be going back and forth. can't blame him he's not used to having a character.

also, i really love jayfeather standing up for alderheart [11].

mothwing wtf how're you getting to hell you don't believe in it. how do you have faith in shit. also please stop trashing shadowsight [12]. that said, she's absolutely right, she would be the ideal cat for the job, considering she has warrior training.

jayfeather what the fuck dude why are you suggesting it. although i'm glad at least he acknowledges his connection to squilf. good job. good job for being the one fucking character.

willowshine. willowshine baby no. don't do it. willowshine. willowshine no. don't do it. baby. no. please. i'm crying please don't do it.

"well, Mothwing, I admire everything about you" holy fucking shit what a line that's a line to inspire so much fic [13].

willow please baby no. please. send kestrelwing or something. puddleshine. anyone but you please baby.

damn okay what is with the connection between mothwing and.

no.

no no no no no.

they're killing willowshine.

why.

she's. baby. please no. she's not read. she's too. no. i can't.

ffs moth please stop dissing shadow like this he doesn't deserve this. (also, unrelated, did, uh, did puddleshine name shadowsight for spiresight, a cat he never met and had no connection with? fuck i forgot what happened there.)

you know, out of the med cats, mothwing and jayfeather are the oldest. it's nice to see that dynamic have weight: when jayfeather speaks, people listen. it's been a while since we've had that role of the med cats in thunderclan.

god willow is dead and i'm going to sob.

chapter six

I FUCKING CALLED IT I HATE EVERYTHING

why did they have kill my baby [14]

when did rootspring get fucking responsible this is worse than when i got responsible

also mothwing i'm so sorry.

fuck.

i didn't cry i was too angry and i cried about it last night because i knew it was coming just.

they didn't have to do her dirty like that.

chapter seven

just, before we begin, still sad about this willowshine bs. give me back my baby.

oh gee bristlefrost i wonder why lionblaze can't talk about his mother being taken away

does this mean they're going to acknowledge adoption again? please let this not be me raising my hopes too soon.

also really with all this lionblaze = deputy stuff...i just want squils [15]

oh lionblaze is back on his bullshit again. like, dude. he was instructed to treat ashfur. he was ordered. jesu maria.

uh. spotfur. what the fuck?

okay, first of all, squilf was chosen as deputy, so yes, she does in fact inherit leadership. that's...that's just wrong.

if you want to complain about lionblaze, sure, i hate it as much as you [16]. but squilf?

yes, yes, please give me ivystar [17]. if i can't have squilfstar (and i don't think i can, hence the existence of mtbnsof [18]), please let me have ivypool. (although mousewhisker? who said that lmfao.)

uh, lionblaze? there are so many better choices. i think bristlefrost would do a better job. (that's not an idea please don't give me bristlestar.)

ayyyyy! graystripe! what a man. what a time.

(graystripe and his gd dramatic entrances.)

also it's good to see elders getting the respect they deserve. (wait what what what the fuck happened to him.)

hehe (mtbnsof spoilers) i'm glad at some level that like, i identified key things that need to happen to make the story interesting and compelling, and they're happening. tbc really is picking up with the good writing. i have a lot of thoughts about this, but mostly, like, these books have changed since when i started them, but i'm happy with where they got. also, lmao i'm dying because like, yeah fuck i don't even know, i can't believe both the worst and best parts of mtbnsof have made it into this. god. what a world.

oh thank god lionblaze is stepping down.

hey, uh...is anyone going to follow up with what graystripe was doing? this is getting sus i can't take another thing i just need to trust someone.

chapter eight

i'm still not over willowshine

i. can people decide if dark forest is punishment or. wasn't lionblaze against sending shadowsight? i can't remember shit i should be taking useful notes i have a memory problem xd

aww dovewing mom.

you know i have a quick q: in skyclan & the stranger, leafstar's kits call her mama. but i don't think we've seen any adult cats say that. what's up w that?

oh dovewing i love you but...nah i just love you

that said, uh, can shadowsight's behavior be treated consistently? i don't know something is just bothering me.

oh yeah icewing exists lmao. forgot about that. can this continue like can shadowclan be the new home for wayward souls? they kind of deserve it after all of the villains they've had. and the earliest books kind of implied shadowclan used to do that.

i really, like, okay. cats like icewing are all "durr hurr dark forest very bad" and then others are like "bruh hell is real?"

uh. nope. i hate this implication that the dark forst is poisonous. very bad very bad very bad.

aww tigerstr being a good dad. breaking the cycle. first one [19].

i really, like, why do cats blame shadowsight? he wanted to go? he wanted to be the one? like, wtf?

urgh who wants to be warriorcatsfandommisandry [20] would praise shadow's rule breaking while victim-blaming squilf for the same behavior.

well, uh, ig i'm glad mothwing secretly cares about shadowsight? like, that's kind of fixing her character. kind of.

chapter nine

wow this post is getting long whoops i mean it is all of my notes on a book. usually i condense em into the good stuff.

lmao shadowsight b like "yeah if i die sorry my dad's gonna kill u luv u thanks for coming >3"

seriously mothwing was definitely the cat to choose considering she could 100% fight. also, like, his body is at risk?

you know, i think mothwing is supposed to be having a jayfeather arc here, but it's crippled by the fact that we're not in her head [21].

how many cats are even in the dark forest wasn't this the whole plot of oots that they're all dead?

also, like, i'm glad mothwing is back to herself. i don't even care about the inconsistency i'm happy to have mothwing back.

seriously it's starting to get to me that the knowledge of the great battle is so inconsistent.

okay i like that we've ditched the "darkest thoughts" thing that was kind of stupid

squirrelflight

(i am crying she's here again fuck)

chapter ten

okay yeah valid gotta maintain that tension (altho fuck you erin hunter [5])

huh. i still kinda hate rootspring for basically no reason ngl

you know, i've never questioned this, but how the fuck does moss ball work? moss doesn't work like that god no no no i can't over think it [22].

you know, forbidden romance might be "overdone" but it's worth pointing out that we very rarely get the perspective of the cats in the forbidden romance

lmao what is it with greystripe? like? is everyone in love with him? i'm not being fair to him just...what?

emotional support wife dovewing [23]

i really wish there was a deeper bond between bris, rootspring, and shadow. i appreciate the viewpoints into different clans, but with no meaningful differences in culture, it's just weird because we're used to po3 and avos and stuff where our leads are really close to each other.

willow

willow baby

you know it's occurred to me i've never vocalized my love for willowshine on this blog before now? xd see i don't actually talk about my favorite characters that much. i talk about dovewing the most out of my top 3 (dovewing, jayfeather, willowshine, in no particular order), but they just kind of feel...too personal? because i have really specific reasons to connect with all of them.

dovewing just happens to be for reasons i'm most able to share >3

willow please don't be corrupted

chapter eleven

please i just want to know squilf is okay

bris u fucking idiot we've established the moonpool is deep. don't you remember literally yesterday?

flametail imagery

"drypaws" what a word. interesting ik leopardstar just avoided water, but here bris can't swim. i don't care i'm just happy for some gd culture

okay i've said it before and i've said it again: i draw the line at cat cpr

wait what is daisy doing? fuck was i supposed to read the novellas first? is this what daisy's kin is about? when did daisy leave? did i miss something? what's going on??

okay can we...like, cats who aren't elders trained in the dark forest. this wasn't even a full generation ago. lionblaze. breezepelt. just...guys.

tigerdove...so cute. i love them [23].

where tf are the sisters they got here so fast

like bruh...i liked the sisters but now they're like, clan on demand ghost summoners? i think? idk clearly i'm missing something very important

emotional support wife dovewing

chapter twelve

i see shadowsight and i don't see squirrelflight and i have a complaint

oh uhhh who's snowtuft again?

also i feel like, i feel like i made my point about it being empty

a light in the mist title drop dodoododod

bruh what is ashfur even

oh series one cat xd yeah that checks

look. if they're not in the allegiances, i don't remember them for shit, okay? my series one memory is excellent, it's just that series one cared about thunderclan, and, like, tallstar

squilf squilf squilf squilf squilf if she's not in this chapter i'm going to scream it is 2am bitch

I AM SCREAMING BITCH

chapter thirteen

the scream lengthens

just give me her

at least i get to spend time with willowshine?

wait mapleshade is still alive? i thought someone killed her oop

also uh yeah how did ashfur amass power like, that bitch is an incel he's done nothing but fail to kill three cats and get murdered and go to heaven

are there even enough dark forest cats for that?

rootspring this is a bad idea don't do this haven't you seen horror movies stop being the white chick

sad ghosts r sad sigh

chapter fourteen

when did warriors get all "oh no can't do multiple chapters of the same narrator in a row" please nobody fucking cares that bris is sad i just want to see squirrelflight

lmao bris like "it's illegal to be atheist" bitch i read code of the clans exactly once i know it's dovestar who tried that and the answer was no.

ah, tree. actually mediating, for once.

god, bris...why is firestar's legacy so large? like, fuck, i know why, i just...

also, tree, she said a nobel and true Clan, not the clan. so like, maybe chill out for a moment [24].

hnnnng family drama also i really like that tree loves his wife very good very good

dfskj okay mothwing missing riverclan would be much more impactful if we actually knew what was going on in riverclan. (like, say, if willowshine was a pov in this arc [25]?) also, you know, riverclan has had so many problems with treating cats badly? god, a shadow in riverclan. wait, like, shouldn't mothwing also remember/reflect on this? wait this would be so much better if we had more pov for this fuck

also fuck off bris about being proud you are so fucking priviledged your forbidded romance drama is as intense as like, idek, the notebook? from someone who lived through, uh, forbidded romance that involved threatening to send someone to conversion camp [26], fuck off

bruh. why is she acting like thunderclan is gone xd you have no idea what it's like for a clan to almost fall apart yeah i stand by my comments on shadow/skyclan.

"what will my place be?" it will be a fucking warrior of thunderclan??? all you've ever wanted???? god she's...look i get it she's like, my age. and lord knows i don't react gracefully to shit. she's stressed, i get it. i do. but also, just, ffs bris. get it together.

"you die in the dark forest, you die in real life" can we meme that?

oooh okay it would be really good to get all three pov cats in the dark forest [27].

also, how long has rootspring been down there? how does this work? what's up with shadowsight? what is anything even? how long has it been?

thank you mothwing for pointing out bristlefrost is extremely unexperienced.

also can i just say, i really like bris' name? like i think bristlefrost is an extremely cute and good name. cute in that it's cute and good in that it conveys her character well.

god i want mothwing pov on this [25].

why is bris so convinced that if she doesn't act, rootspring isn't coming back?

chapter fifteen

wow i had a lot of notes on last chapter huuuh

oh vibe do i finally get squilf

stopping caring about bramble shadow no one fucking cares

seriously when did ashfur get this, uh, good at being a villain?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

she's

here

fuck i'm crying

poor bb i just. poor baby.

okay. ashfur. let me making something clear.

i do not understand why in the world squilf would ever choose bramble [28]. but you're fucked as a choice.

ffs yellowfang this is why we don't say "his only crime was loving too much"

okay well as much as i'm confused by his power his characterization here is fantastic. i'm really glad we got ashfur back as a villain, you know.

good job squirrelflight. do not take unnecessary blame.

(also please learn to transfer these skills to your pos husband.)

#when you can't get her to love you by killing her husband and dragging her into hell so you think you can make her love you by showing her how you're torturing the souls of her loved ones

you know i had the snowtuft thing spoiled for me i just forgot who snowtuft was so it had 0 impact

damn bramblestar is still alive.

dammit.

people kept calling lionblaze deputy don't do that to me if you're not following through on it ffs

okay not to pimp out my own fic but if you're interested in a squirrelstar au, "may there be no sadness of farewell" is my squils (squirrelstar) au and it does have an imposter arc. so you know. if that's your thing.

hnng my thoughts on bramble [29] aside i can appreciate the drama

ashfur. ashfur. ashfur you fucking idiot you're the one fighting her. also fuuuck i love this character. if i was bookmarking this on ao3 you know it'd get the "hot damn" tag.

huh. uh, wow. good chapter. hot damn. loved it. loved it so much.

hate what it means for my hopes and dreams, but very good. very intense. i approve.

chapter sixteen

eh, wasn't she going to the dark forest? did i forget something?

ohhh dream

huh this is interesting

and cute.

i love the "everything is fine" trope so much tho

does...did no one ever describe ashfur to bris?

you know, i think this is why so many people, me included, go with the we-don't-talk-about-our-villains thing. sure, it makes some bits awkward, but...yeesh

huh. weird chapter. both impactful and kinda meh.

chapter seventeen

you know i'm feeling a lot of things right now, and i might have to just give in and finish this damn thing.

we'll see.

willow willow willow willow willow

sigh ffuuuck she's dead. i'm sad. i'm going to write a fic about her. "under a willow tree" i have plans. it's going to be good.

yeah see okay. i made a joke about warriors needing to make not talking about shit part of the culture and i'm glad they did because it works

squilf!!!!!!!!!

oh fuck i'm crying again. my girl. she's here. she's here.

of course they saved you!!!!!! you're!!!!! squilf!!!!!!

please get nine lives.

please.

let the body be dead.

let bramble die.

please.

chapter eighteen

okay seriously i really want to memify "if you die in the dark forest, you die in real life"

oh rip shadow's ear. that sucks. huh. i'm gonna have to explore this, too. esp. w dovewing.

eeeeee mothwing being mothwing again i'm happy

willow

mothwing stick to ur guns for a moment

also i appreciate the "u can't tell me what to do i'm a med cat" thing going on

hehe tigerdad (where's dovewing my beloved)

chapter nineteen

wow okay i'm 3/4 of the way through

dammit rip squilf something something exploring some canon complient stuff.

huh, shadowsight. do you think maybe. being in the dark forest. is bad. do you think. maybe.

bruh shadow way to go call out your own father smh.

mothwing, my dear, you're the one who didn't want to treat him like that. i mean i'm glad you're standing up for him but this kind of makes your whole treatment of him feel like a plot device.

okay, i'm glad that's a formal thing, med cats > leaders, that makes me happy

i really want to know what alderheart is up to.

yeah really why have they waited so long. i mean i forgot about them too but the sisters seem like an obvious choice? since they're here?

(also i'm still really confused by the daisy thing.)

heh i really do need to read squilf's hope. i've been putting it off (i don't want to read cft, but...), but i think it's about time.

rootspring what? okay going to read it now ig

okay okay i'm really glad the sisters are like fuck we're done w y'all cause that's been a long time coming

what debt where the sisters in to the clans XD???

chapter twenty one

"moonpond"xxd i'm dying

awww tigerdad

don't the sisters know the basics of herbal healthcare?

poor tigerstar. no no guys. his wife was in a dangerous prophecy, and now his son is. :(

tigerdad!!!!!!!

ohhh this chapter hit hard

chapter twenty two

"the sign of a true leader" is...talking fast?

dfsjadfskj rootspring you are lead by leafstar the best and most capable leader the fuck are you talking about

:((((((((( brambles........alive

is squirrelstar so much to ask for

y'all're lucky i was going to release "ilex aquafolium" tonight as a follow-up to "better left unsaid" because freyja (my cat) chose it to be next in the rotation but i might end up finishing chapter three of "may there be no sadness of farewell" first because coping

chapter twenty three

you know writing that chapter did not take me better i forgot mtbnsof is angst until like...the epilogue

heyyy they're back....i'm.....soo....happy...about......this [30]

i mean i feel like every one is way too trusting how do u know it's the real squilf?

shadowsight bris rootspring polycule? just a thought

oh. so that's it, then.

you know, i enjoyed it.

citation: a moonkitti video ↩︎

see here to read it, but...you could probably get it in canon ↩︎

legally i have to tell you i haven't actually read this yet ↩︎

please let me have this. ↩︎

where "erin hunter" refers to the collective who writes warriors ↩︎ ↩︎

it's called "leader chance" if you're interested ↩︎

okay, techincally i was talking about riverclan dens, but it's close. ↩︎

for my own personal reference, pg 50 on phone. about 19% ↩︎

warrior cats still hasn't invented cheating. also, no, i'm not going overboard on the footnotes. ↩︎

nts, do this. or add on to like "daughter of mine" or "secrets passed over in the dead of night" ↩︎

gives more weight to sunset and evening star. ↩︎

although also guys it's not that out of character for her. like, she's always been quick to do what she thinks is right, and this time, it's the wrong thing. you know? ↩︎

including my own fuck. ↩︎

spoilers for mtbnsof. i mean i know i killed willow for exactly the same reason but...why'd they have to lift all of my least favorite parts of squilfstar. ↩︎

squilf but for squirrelstar. coined in my drafting notes for mtbnsof ↩︎

to be clear, he's wrong, i just wouldn't bother arguing because it's annoying having lionblaze as clan leader. ↩︎

nts: do something with this. mtbnsof spoilers. even if i don't end up going through to squils death, i want to do something with ivystar, preferably before the entire clan is ocs. ↩︎

in case you're new here, my ao3 is mallowstep and mtbnsof stands for may there be no sadness of farewell, a squirrelstar au that begins at the end of lost stars. ↩︎

"love knows no bounds (but maybe it should)" (unannounced) spoilers. ...i say, knowing about how he's, uh, not in lknb. ↩︎

hopefully, i'm speaking ill of the dead and not summoning the devil. hopefully. ↩︎

yes of course i will now be writing that thank you for calling me out. we will also be exploring her relationship with religion. title? unsure, but we might reuse "i'll believe the wind is calling me" since that has been scrapped and salvaged ↩︎

only valid kit play scene is now the one at the beginning of the sight. ↩︎

no tigerdove discourse please. i'm not in the mood for it. play nice. ↩︎ ↩︎

although to be clear, the only actually noble and true clans, at least time of this book, are shadowclan and skyclan. ↩︎

nts - "under a willow tree" ↩︎ ↩︎

oh. so that's why i don't like her. ↩︎

it triples my odds of seeing squilf. ↩︎

i do. i really, really do. but until the erins acknowledge it, i try to ignore it in canon. otherwise i get too sad. ↩︎

as mentioned before, when i'm interacting with canon, my standards are a lot lower. because i like to enjoy the stories. that's why i write fix-it fic. ↩︎

i'm crying ↩︎

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risingsouls · 4 years ago

Text

Conversations: 3

[Part 3 of what should def just be called my self-indulgent and soon to be shippier bs. The shippy isn’t REALLY there yet but the chemicals are reacting, as they say.]

“I have another question.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Vegeta eyed Nabooru from across the campfire, usual frown twitching a touch lower. The flames danced in her gold eyes. Had it not been for the dinosaur steak roasting over the fire, the offered view of the flame’s glow illuminating her against the early night sky might have been pleasant. “Well, go on. I’ve indulged you every other time, why should now be any different?”

The Gerudo reached out to turn her dinner for an even roast. Considering their last encounter, how the train of conversation intensified to a point that felt as though the slightest movement would trigger violence, she almost didn’t expect him to let her follow through. A whole week passed before he returned to the wasteland for a spar and, while she tried not to dwell on it, to accept that she pushed too far and overstayed her welcome, or, harder to swallow he didn’t consider her a worthy sparring partner any more, it had bothered her more than she cared to admit aloud or to herself. When she hit the low point of considering finding him herself or showing up at his place of residence--a tidbit of information she picked up at the tournament if she couldn’t sense him--she threw herself into her own training. A good long span of survival training without the use of her ki helped clear her head and consider ways to move forward with her growth on her own once more.

“This one might be personal.” She snorted at the raised eyebrow he gave her and amended, “In a different way. Like about your body sort of personal.”

“What?” His expression morphed into a scowl. Heat soared into his cheeks and he glanced away to keep her from noticing it. “What the hell would you need to ask about my body?!”

It took a second too long for her to realize why her words caused such an indignant reaction in the prince. “W-wait! No, I didn’t mean it like that! I’m not--!” she sputtered, trying to regain ground. “Ugh, I’ll just ask. You and Nappa are both Saiyans, but he has a tail and you don’t. Did you have a tail at some point, too?”

Vegeta felt the blush flee from his face and his heart rate slowly returning to normal, but her inquiry did nothing to quell his sour expression. He turned it back on her. “Of course I had a tail. All Saiyans are born with them.”

Had. Considering the tidbits of his past she knew, she feared the worst. Frieza was obviously a racist bastard that feared his kind. Had he taken it? If so, why hadn’t he lobbed Nappa’s off? A warning? Another sort of message? Nabooru pulled the steak from the fire and extended it to him. A peace offering, a silent apology. A way to cool him off and keep talking if only for her own curiosity. “What happened to it, then? Or is yours special and invisible?”

Snatching the proffered meat, sharp canines tore into it. He ignored the burns to his tongue and the roof of his mouth as he chewed. “Got cut off,” he rumbled around the bite before taking another.

Nabooru failed to stop her eyelids from lowering and the corners of her lips dipping downward in an unamused frown. Rolling her eyes, she popped up to her feet and strode over to the carcass a few meters away from their camp. “Should I ask you how or why?” She considered summoning a ki sword but instead pulled one of her dual blades from her hip, if only to strike back by annoying him as he was her. When he found her earlier that afternoon training with her trusty blades--the weight welcome in her hands, the technique of wielding them so embedded in her muscle memory she lost no time delving into her old routines and toying with new ones--he had made it plain he didn’t care for such weapons. She brought it down in a swift arc, slicing another steak from the beast’s tail. Noting that he was halfway through the one in his hands, she hacked off another for insurance. “Or would I be wasting my breath?”

Though the rage from that particular day had long since dulled to a weak summer thunderstorm when given half a thought, Vegeta avoided considering it. A successful endeavor so long as his mind cooperated and no one reminded him of it. The day his life was upended and flipped upside down, never to return to a proper orientation even after all these years. His whole understanding of himself, his place in the universe, his strength and prowess as a warrior...all of it ripped to shreds and uncertain. Sometimes, it all still felt like an extended nightmare and he would wake up in his pod on some new planet to conquer with Nappa and Raditz at his side. Such moments were fewer and further between these days, but he once more found himself on precarious footing with no clear goal for himself. No clear desires. A murky identity despite his best efforts to conceal just how lost he felt through declarations of his princely status to a dead race.

Their last conversation had reminded him of it and, as he tended to do when he needed to feel like he was accomplishing something and forget the world around him, he trained day and night until exhaustion forced him to rest. Then he awoke a fee meager hours later and did it again. He lost at least a week this time, if the last message Nabooru sent and he replied to and her off-handed comment earlier was any indication.

"A fat man cut it off," he began between bites of meat. He swallowed, watching her prepare the next steak on the spit. "Never saw him again after. Best for him because I'd have killed him if I did."

An empty threat, likely. He had promised the others there that day the same fate but failed to enact any of them. A waste of energy, he told himself. But deep down, he simply knew it was a death wish when he still tailed Kakarot in power. And though back then he wished and sometimes still considered if he would have been better off sharing the same fate as his people, obliterated to space dust to forever float among the cosmos and join them in Hell, his fire to reclaim his honor and place as the most powerful Saiyan kept him alive.

Nabooru knew her follow up question was predictable, but if he found it annoying, he could easily amend it by filling in the proper details without prompt. "A random fat man just cut off your tail?" she asked, tone devoid of humor despite the image parading through her mind. "Seems rather random."

"It wasn't." Her steely gaze pinned him to the spot, full lips thinned and an eyebrow lifted. A chuckle rumbled in his chest, and he could imagine--almost feel--the missing appendage in question flicking in idle arcs of amusement. He finished the last bit of meat slow, relishing the taste and her mounting frustration over the game he played. "Our tails are what allow us to transform into the mighty Oozaru. He cut it off to return me to my normal form.”

“Another transformation? Like your Super Saiyan thing?”

“No, not exactly. During full moons, Saiyans transform into giant apes capable of leveling planets. Hence why our talents were in demand for someone like Frieza and his family.” He wiped his mouth with his arm. “Plenty of us could do it without the transformation, but using the Oozaru form was typically faster and more difficult for enemies to strike down.”

Nabooru whistled low, fascinated by the idea. She leaned forward and twisted the meat to the other side. “Mm, so then cutting off your tail was actually strategic of this mystery fat man?”

“You give him more credit than he deserves,” the Saiyan huffed. “Kakarot and his friends got lucky the first time I touched down on this damn planet. The clown was dead to rights, and had those idiots not shown up to our battle…” He trailed off, unsure of how that would change his fate and certain she could fill in the blanks herself. Where would he be now had he destroyed Kakarot and his friends that day? Still serving Frieza? Ruler of his own empire like his father promised him? Dead?

She opened her mouth to respond, pointing out that technically Goku hadn’t defeated him that day exactly by that detailing, but reconsidered. Another sore spot that, if she understood right, sparked his rivalry with the other Saiyan. His need to surpass him and defeat him in battle. She could understand that; she wouldn’t care for such an outcome either, and would crave a proper rematch. She suspected the blow to his pride ran deeper than just the need for a rematch, however. Like her, his warrior status was intrinsically tied to his identity, and the loss to Goku had shaken that, the reverberations of which he still obviously battled with.

“Why is it that I’m the one always answering questions, anyway?” Nabooru glanced up from the flames at her company. His muscular arms were folded over his broad chest, and he watched her with narrowed eyes. She blinked, and when he didn’t amend his inquiry, she replied, “Because you’ve never really asked me anything?” She lifted a shoulder. “I never talked much about myself because I figured you weren’t interested. I didn’t think you would like such a breach our quasi-master-student relationship or really care to listen.”

“And all of your questions didn’t do that already?” He sneered when all she offered was another shrug in response. He had no one to blame but himself on that front. If he really took offense to her interrogations, he could have ignored her. But the ease of conversing with her lulled him into blathering on about his past. And, if he wanted to know more about her in turn, a possibility he tried to deny due to its futility, he had no reason to doubt she would answer in kind. Her being a warrior as passionate as he was about improving herself had piqued his curiosity at her tournament, and her final words that all but ended their tense conversation a week before haunted him, further prodding the desire to uncover her past. His reasonably cynical mind deemed it pointless, an effort to form an unnecessary bond, and, until outwardly admitting it moments ago, he had conveyed such a mindset to her successfully by not partaking in asking her his own questions. But a part of him he could not pin down--simple curiosity? Loneliness? Hope of finding someone who could even remotely relate to him in more than basic ways and that didn’t annoy him too much?--begged him to ask similar questions to those she asked him and learn more. With his outburst, he had little choice but to follow through.

Another huff blown out through his nose. “Fine. You said you didn’t get to kill your Frieza. Who was your Frieza?”

Nabooru hid her surprise in his follow through by casting her gaze to the steak and turning it slowly. Habit and buried bitterness made her want to question his sincerity in asking: did he really want to know, or was he just trying to get back at her for all of her inquiries? She didn’t usually share her experience with anyone, and most were too caught up in themselves or completely unaware that she and her people hailed from a different planet and would never think to ask such questions. She kept most at arm’s length outside of the Gerudo to not only shield her emotions but to, perhaps, better cope with the past and the loose ends she left behind. It’s success felt questionable most days.

“He was the King of Hyrule,” she said, deciding at length that Vegeta wasn’t the type to bring something up if he wasn’t genuinely curious. “Well, really the monarchy of Hyrule. Perhaps the whole country in its own way.” Gold eyes flicked up to him, assessing. “It’s...a long story. It would take a bit to help you underst--”

“Try me.” A challenge issued out of both his undeniable interest in her tale and annoyance that she tried to deflect his question when he answered all of hers (nevermind that it took some coaxing on her part). “You and I seem to have little more than time, so get to explaining. Not so fun being on the other side, is it?”

She chewed her lip and pulled the meat from the fire. She turned it over, once, twice, then handed it over to Vegeta instead. “Well...as I’m sure you guessed, the king and his people were not very fond of mine. Decades of friction from how we fought the longest and hardest in the Civil War, and likely could have won if our supplies and numbers had held up. In the end, we surrendered and joined the other nations in signing a treaty of unity, but the spoils were tactically skewed against us. It offered a semblance of peace, ensured our sovereignty as long as we played by their rules. It did not, however, help us secure better lives for ourselves in expanding outside of the desert for farmland nor did it open up the trade that had been restricted. Though they blocked every request, despite our people dying from the war draining our supplies and a desert not being the most hospitable home, we did our best to find ways to survive while trying to play their games of diplomacy and peace. It was hard not to see it as an orchestrated, slow strangling and punishment for our near success in the war.”

Nabooru paused, the next portion of her story lodging a lump in her throat and igniting a furious flame in her belly. She still struggled to talk about certain bits, the memories painful and the feelings of shame stilling her tongue. Perhaps another time she would illuminate Ganondorf’s role and her betrayal in more detail. For now, she could work around it for the most part.

“Our king...he lost patience with them and staged a coup on his own. He was captured before he could get too far and...imprisoned, likely to be executed. It only fueled the hatred Hyrule had for us, as well as their fear because they assumed we would pick up where he left off.” She stabbed the spit through the remaining stake with unnecessary ferocity. “Whole groups, including people of the court called for our complete eradication. It was considered radical at first, niche groups popping up here and there, but it quickly gained traction, and the king nor his lackeys ever denounced it all, despite the peace treaty and our insistence to uphold it. I had taken over as leader and tried everything I could to convince them, to stave off the growing violence and once more try to save my people and give them a sustainable life. To play their game like they wanted. It did no good. I was laughed out of every meeting.

“Back home, we were split. We were all angry, desperate, and many called for war, even though we could never win with hardly the supplies to sustain ourselves in peacetime and being horribly outnumbered by the rest of Hyrule. Others suggested we take our chances with the desert before they storm our gates.” She swallowed, staring into the fire, reminded of the torches they bore and how it glinted off their steel as they swarmed their home. “We didn’t get the chance to make the decision. Soldiers and civilians alike stormed the fortress en masse. We fought as long as we could, but we had to make the decision to flee into the desert. Only those that made it here survived.”

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Tears of mourning, of shame as a warrior who was forced to flee rather than face her attackers and die a warrior’s death or come out victorious with the King’s head on a pike. No matter how reasonable, no matter how she had helped save at least some of her people and helped them flourish in another home, it felt cowardly. Unfinished business never set well with her, but, at the same time, she wasn’t entirely sure that, given the chance, she would go through with making the dreams of storming Hyrule and leveling it with her newfound power a reality any more. The fleeting satisfaction it would bring didn’t feel worth it.

Somewhere during her story, her fingers had woven into her ponytail to glide through the crimson tresses. She snatched her hand out of them as if they had burned her and burrowed both hands into the space between her crisscrossed legs. “While I took down plenty of those who attacked us, I didn’t get to kill the king or his court or anyone else who wished me and my people dead. That’s why I said what I did. I understand that yearning for...well, I don't know what to call it. Justice? Revenge? Closure?”

Vegeta had slowed the pace of his eating as she spoke, nibbling on the hunk of meat rather than tearing chunks from it. Many of her people were killed out of fear of their might and potential--as warriors and in what they might do--and they were forced to flee because of it. He could easily see why his own history resonated with her, the parallels uncanny. And she was their leader for a time, a fact he could have guessed at considering the others still seemed to turn to her for guidance, likely out of habit, and the way she carried herself among them. They both understood the pain of failure, of helplessness to change anything due to lacking power or sway to do so. She at least didn't grow to resent the survivors of her kind, or shove them away because they were weaker or deemed useless. She had the chance to learn to be a proper leader. His only guidance in that department was Frieza.

He grit his teeth; he hated when he realized just how similar to that bastard he had been. How many of his habits and practices he picked up unintentionally just to survive.

“All three, I suppose,” he mumbled at last, choosing to stare at the meat in his hands than make eye contact. “Maybe someone else got vengeance for you and your race.”

His words didn’t make her feel better, but she suspected they weren’t meant to. “Mm, somehow I doubt it. People like that always live longer than they deserve to.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and turned her steak. “You still wish it was you, then?”

Vegeta popped the last bite in his mouth and chewed it slowly. He didn’t miss the bitter hope in her tone. Her gaze finding his despite his best efforts to avoid it. For what, though? Someone to understand? For someone who was anything but “normal” to validate the hollowness of a vendetta not claimed?

“It should have been me. But the universe thought Kakarot had a better stake to the claim than me.” He didn’t mention his own son cutting Frieza to pieces like he was nothing and, to add salt to the wound, did it as a Syper Saiyan as well. “But...yes. I suppose I do. Not so vehemently as after the fact, but I will still say he was mine to kill after all the shit he put me through. After all he took from me.”

Nabooru remained silent for a while, offering only a nod of agreement in answer, the crackle of the fire and the howl of a coyote in the distance the only sounds. Though the ache remained, they had both figured out how to manage. Perhaps not in the healthiest of ways but maybe they could help each other with that. The thought surprised her; did she really expect this sparring arrangement and conversing like this to be long term with no real indication that it would continue even the next day? Once more she had to contend with her potential want for his company, not just anyone’s. A confusing revelation, since the last decade or more of her life had been spent consciously avoiding creating such bonds and pretending she didn’t want them outside of the few Gerudo she had already established them with.

"Hey."

The Saiyan returned his attention from a lizard scaling a nearby rock to the woman with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

Nabooru bit her lip, a smile tugging her lips. "Want to spar? The night is young."

He stared at her, confusion still present on his features. "What about your food? You need to eat or you won't have the energy to make it worth my time."

"What are you my mother or just scared?" She rose to her feet and smoothed out her pants, kicking sand onto the fire. "If you really want to play that game, you obviously need to get more sleep. I could see the bags under your eyes from a mile away."

"Scared of what? You maybe landing a decent hit?" He scoffed and rose to his feet. He didn't care to be nagged about his extra erratic sleeping patterns of late, and the prospect of a spar sounded more enticing than delving into their bloody pasts and regrets for much longer.

She stepped toward him and rested her hands on her hips. "So, are you going to fight me or what?"

He smirked, feet leaving the sand. "If you're so eager to get beaten,, then let's go. We're burning moonlight."

#// vegeta ♅#:: nabooru ☀#i hope this doesn't post twice #tumblr is shittign the bed

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