#still before midnight for the east coast too

[britcision]

In honour of a combo Wednesday and then post-midnight Yule, have a WIP Wednesday friends! We haven’t seen Sam for a while and Hanukkah was early this year (finished on the 15) but we are here now!

This chapter’s already gotten intense as hell for Danny and Jason with Lady Gotham but we’ve been tragically without our resident fashionable goth (sorry not sorry Bruce) and we are definitely still a muppet movie, so enjoy Sam-Miss-Piggy creating some extra chaos behind the scenes 👀

No promises about how regular these updates will be because again, plot chapter, I like letting those drop without spoiling the reveals too much, but we shall see

——————

Chapter 18 part i So That Just Happened

Back in her own room on the other side of the country from Gotham, Sam Manson reclined back into giant, coffin shaped body pillow her beloved girlfriend had given her when they moved and contemplated her phone.

The brand new Wayne-chat was blowing up satisfactorily, although apparently Tim was a massive stalker too. That was probably a good thing; it meant she hadn’t actually nuked Tuck’s chances with his nerd-crush. Now they could bond over their mutual stalker tendencies.

But, did that make her revenge less effective?

It wasn’t like she was actually out to ruin his life, but she’d kinda like to leave a mark. Something that would make him think twice about letting her think he and Danny had fucking died in Gotham in her absence.

Or. Well. Gone radio silent in Gotham, which was probably actually worse because if they were dead she’d know exactly where they were.

The Wayne chat were all pretty sure Tim and Tucker were together too, and Sam’s new best friend Babs had even pulled up the feed from their living room tv somehow. Sam wasn’t exactly the tech wizard Tucker was, but… after seeing that, she disconnected her and Val’s TV from the wifi.

And settled in to remote watch Tuck get his ass kicked at Spiderheck, apparently. At least for a little while; until something else on her phone caught her attention.

It was… almost funny. While she knew she was a whole two timezones away, she’d never really felt left out before. Like maybe she should have stayed on the east coast…

Not that she regretted it, of course. She had a good job, a good school, a wonderful girlfriend who’d been so excited to get into a good school and really go to town on the business department.

(Apparently there were posters of Val’s face in the ethics classrooms. Sam refused to ask if they were golden example or dire warning.)

She was just… a long way away. Even a long portal away, and… being back with the guys, even in Gotham, made the quiet of their comfy little apartment seem lonely.

Huffing, she turned and traced her fingers through the leaves of her mimosa plant on the windowsill beside the bed. They curled gently shut at her touch, and made her smile. Just like always.

She was happy to be home. She wasn’t technically liminal enough yet that it was her haunt, but… well, for all the jokes Val made, Sam had to admit she’d put down roots. She loved her job at the greenhouses, and her internship at the botanical gardens.

She loved scaring the hell out of the dudebros in Val’s business classes who thought ethics were a waste of time. She loved sharing messages with Jazz about the boys, laughing that even three hours ahead, Tuck and Danny still couldn’t get up before them.

She was kinda considering texting Harley about Timblr too. Not like, for any particular reason; if Tim’s family weren’t gonna embarrass Tucker enough, Harley probably wouldn’t either. She’d probably think it was adorable.

Or, y’know, worrying evidence of obsession. Psych types worried about stuff like that, usually.

Sam was kinda also considering sending Harley Jazz’s number. Jazz might still be skating just on the neurosurgery side of the line, but she’d always been big into psychology. Big enough to try and double major, and only drop to major-minor after the third pre-exam meltdown.

And she could use having someone else do the shrink bit on her a little more often. Although really, for that Sam should make her a professional appointment; friends didn’t ask friends to psychoanalyze their overprotective pseudo-sisters. And Jazz could use more friends.

Jazz could use a transfer to a specialty that would let her sleep once in a while, a more stable supply of fresh ecto, and about six weeks in a meditation retreat to get the accidental telepathy under control, but more friends would be good too. And less stubborn insistence on her second try for double majors.

Maybe the switch to psychiatry full time would be good for her? Or psychology. Sam was a little fuzzy on the difference, which one Jazz was minoring in, and which one Harley did.

(Jazz’s current second major was neurosurgery, which Jazz insisted was totally less taxing alongside a neurology major because it was the same body part. She was the only person in her class attempting the double major though, so.)

Humming tunelessly to herself, Sam flicked back into the group chat. Babs was still sharing the feed… brows drawing in, Sam frowned at the little spider figures still fighting to the death. Now, she wasn’t as big of a gamer as she used to be, but she was pretty sure Spiderheck didn’t actually offer red berets.

Snorting a laugh, she flicked back out of the chat and opened a new one, adding both Jazz and Harley. All it needed was the perfect name… something that would grab both of their attention.

Obvious. Child’s play.

Snuggling back into her coffin pillow, Sam grinned down at her phone screen.

Danny Has A Boyfriend chat was live.

——————

And in at the last minute, Jazz! We’ll see if she shows up in person this chapter, I’m hoping it’ll be the last big lore dump before the first plot arc begins but We Shall See…

Chapter 20 is right around the corner though, and I like my divisibles of 5 so I miiiiight shoot for that Red Hood Reveal then… 👀

Tag List: @welcometosasakiworld @someonebored0100 @stealingyourbones @starkcravingmad @frostedthroughghost @akikkobara @rainbowbunny0159 @littlefeather345 @violet-catsarelife @serasvictoria02 @wolfjackle @blacksea21090 @secretdestinywerewolf @anime-hipster-the-amazing @undead-essence @skitscratched @blackroserelina @snoodly-boop @mayoota-blog @xysidhe @little-apricot-the-writer @chaoticmistake @the-legal-shipper @bun-fish @aroranorth-west @demon-cat-goes-woof @perfectwastelandcreation @onyxlightdragon @larks-and-katydids @peachesandcreamfemboy @jesus-camp-the-sequel @may-rbi @mothman-the-mothman87 @viyatrix @stargirl1331 @thedepressedrobin @skulld3mort-1fan @rootsmudge @ravenshadow17 @cankoking @phantom-dc @mentalcarebear @magic-pincushion @redamancyardor @lyra689 @itsparadoxlacuna @alcorbearson @asphyxia778 @why-must-i-be-like-this @tkiesai @greenpyrowolf @frivolous-pastel @honeysuckletook @adorkable1291

[dispatchvampire]

Radio Free Bucky - Bucky x Fem!OC

Pairing: Bucky x OC (in progress)

Warnings: Fluff, mild angst, casual swearing, smut in later chapters

Series Summary: A bunch of interrelated  of fluffy ficlets about Bucky and Penelope. Strangers in the night, tenuously connected by the past, finding their way together a little at a time.

Chapter Summary: In which Bucky has a birthday and someone unexpected knows about it.

It was his birthday, but he’d kept the proceedings low key. Dinner with Sam and his family, some cake, before retiring to the fixer-upper he’d bought not far from their family homestead so he had a place to stay in Delacroix  that wasn’t the front room couch when he came down. That’s really all he had the mental and emotional space for these days.

The soft patter of rain on the roof and windows droned in the background as he worked on the birdhouse Sarah had asked him to. Sam’s sister was a sweetheart, very unlike her brother, and he had no problem giving in to any and all requests from her and her boys. They did love them some Uncle Bucky. 

A memory of a warm summer afternoon on the bayou made him smile as Chet Baker’s smooth voice crooned about falling in love too easily, just a shade louder than the downpour. As much as Sam gave him shit for it, Bucky liked what he liked, and he wasn’t ashamed. It was good music. 

He’d found this satellite radio station one day online, looking for god knows what now, but it had been a revelation. A whole channel devoted to 40’s music, and it was like the universe was giving him a bit of comfort after kicking the hell out of him for so long. 

The soulful trumpet at the end of the song faded into the gathering shadows in his workshop.

“That was Chet Baker on vocals and trumpet there, and I think that might be my favorite song of his. It’s ten past eight here on the east coast, and this is 40s Junction.” 

Just hearing her voice made Bucky smile. It was warm, knowing, with a spark of humor that made him wonder if her actual smile was as nice as what he pictured in his head. And, to be fair, he’d pictured her a bit.  

This woman, the only female DJ at the station near as he could tell, was a nightly companion as he worked on his projects and unwound at the end of the day. Hearing tiny snippets of her life, and how joyfully she related to the music that was clearly way too old to be current for her, made him feel a little less alone in the world. It was an unusual feeling and he’d started to enjoy it. 

“Now, I know I promised you all I’d get to some Ella Fitzgerald this hour, but…” she trailed off and he turned his head to look at his phone like he expected to see her there, with a mischievous grin. “I wanted to take a moment to share something with you all. Today’s a special day in my family. It’s a tradition my Pawpaw started way back in 1945.

“I’m sure you all have guessed by now that he’s the reason I’m here with you, five nights a week from four to midnight. He was my best friend growing up and I miss him terribly. 

He served in the Army in Italy, with the 107th Infantry Regiment.” Bucky carefully set his work aside as his fingers went numb. 

“You history buffs probably recognize the unit, but for those that don't, that’s Captain America’s outfit, and my grandfather was Gabe Jones, one of the original Howling Commandos. 

“Today is March 10th, the birthday of one of my Pawpaw’s fallen comrades in arms, Bucky Barnes. For years, on this day, he’d raise a glass and tell us about the man who saved his life more than once. A man who gave him a reason to go on, to keep fighting, even when all seemed hopeless. Whose death marked his young life indelibly. You get the picture. 

“He’d raise a glass and ask us to remember the fallen and their families, and to help those still around us carry on. After the Blip, I’m sure a lot of us can relate to those sentiments.” Her sigh held paragraphs he didn’t need a translation for. 

“Anyway, long story short, it feels weird to say that Bucky isn’t dead, as Pawpaw informed us, but I’m celebrating his day just the same. I’d like to think he’s having a good 107th birthday, out there, somewhere. 

“As for me, I raise a glass to him, and all the boys who served.” She paused and he could faintly make out the sounds of ice cubes hitting glass. “And with an extra sip for those who didn’t make it home. Happy Birthday, Sergeant Barnes, wherever you are. Now, here’s Ella, serving up some Black Coffee.” 

Bucky’s gasp when the music kicked back in told him that at some point he’d lost air, and even though he was breaking currently, the lump in his throat was throttling him slowly. Of all the things… so many thoughts in his head, fragments of memories, imaginings. Abandoning his workbench entirely, he shuffled across the room to toss himself down onto the couch in the now mostly-dark. 

He could see Gabe’s face in his mind like it was yesterday. Easy smile, quick wit, brilliant mind. Gabriel Jones had been a good man, and it warmed Bucky’s heart to know he’d gone on to come home, have a family, and that he kept the joy in his life. 

The tender affection in her voice when she spoke of her grandfather said more than any words could ever. That was the true measure of a man, the love of those left behind.

There was a voice in his head, one that sounded annoyingly like Dr. Rainor’s, whispering that he was well-remembered by those he’d left behind too, and that meant something. To them, to the world. It was a voice quickly snuffed out by the knowledge that while that may have been true at the time, a whole encyclopedia of lifetimes had transpired between then and now, and his worthiness of that sentiment, no matter how well-intended, well… it was more worn than not. 

Still, it warmed his heart a little to know that he was thought of fondly, and by his DJ-crush of all people, even if it was a strange coincidence. How could it not? He may have still been getting used to this time, but having that moment, that connection no matter how brief, felt like a much-needed hug in a world that has offered him precious little in the way of comfort. 

For a second, he could just close his eyes in the gathering darkness and let the music and rain rhythm wash over him, like a baptism of time, washing him clean once more. For a second, he could just… be. And it was enough

[porchlightfairy]

“Baby, You’re Gorgeous”

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x reader

word count: 5.5k+

content: smut, blowjob, vaginal sex, a little angst

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

You never dreamed of following a touring band until you heard the music of Corroded Coffin. They were on their debut tour and you really wanted to meet them so badly. Especially the frontman Eddie Munson.

They played in town twice, you go both times catching the attention of a group of fans. They were groupies that had followed the east coast leg of the tour. “You’re real pretty.” One of them says.

“I bet you want to meet them, get your tits signed, and maybe a little more.” Another one teases. They snicker to each other like a clique of high school girls. “Just teasing babes, not that any of them wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah, C’mon let’s go backstage to meet them.” One of them grabs you and pulls you outside to the back of the venue. You follow the group to the backdoor. They sweet-talk security and they let you through. It felt like you were breaking a rule by being here. You were starting to get nervous as the others wandered around the green room and dug through the random stuff. You just sat on the edge of the couch, debating whether or not you should leave right now.

Before you could make up your mind the door is thrown open and everyone squeals in delight as the band members enter the space. The groupies flock to them immediately, all cuddling up to the members. You, however, stay on the couch, and a wave of heat floods your veins as you are in the presence of Corroded Coffin. Gareth the drummer, sat on the couch opposite of you with two girls on either side stroking his arms and his hair. Chad, the guitarist, stood in one corner with a girl flirting with him. Jeff, the bassist, was swarmed by people, all putting their hands on him. And then there was the frontman, Eddie Munson, standing near the door with sunglasses on.

Your heart races when you see him. You clasp your hands together and purse your lips. You would kill to have an autograph of his for your old cassette. Slowly, you get up and walk over to Eddie but before you could open your mouth he puts his hand in front of your face, “Not interested.” You wilt a little before moving your head beside his hand.

“Not interested in what exactly? I didn’t offer anything.” You say in confusion.

He tilts down his glasses, “I’m not interested in you right now. How about that?” He remarks. You frown and head back to the couch. Another groupie sees the interaction and comes to sit next to you.

“Eddie’s a tough nut to crack. You can’t just approach him like that. He’s gotta pick you.”

You roll your eyes at the comment, “I don’t want to have sex with him. I just wanted an autograph.” You fold your arms and pout. Around the room, you see that the other band members are too preoccupied to give you the time of day. You have overstayed your welcome and this was now a waste of time. So, you stand up and head towards the door. The same place Eddie was in.

He grumbles and snatches off his glasses, “Can’t you take a hint?” 

You shove past him and throw up your hand into his face, “I was just leaving, asshat. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I was gonna ask for an autograph, but you know what? You'll be washed up by forty, so it won’t fucking matter.” You close the door behind you and head back outside to the street to call for a taxi. Never meet your heroes, you guess.

You shiver in the cold as you try to hail a taxi. Most of them, are not in service as they drive past you. It is past midnight now. You would probably have to call for one on the pay phone. You sigh as you realize you barely have any quarters for the machine. You swear under your breath and look at the heavy metal door now closed shut. You turn back to the street and rub your arms to stay warm.

Just then the door is thrown open, startling you. You turn to see Eddie come out of the darkness lighting a cigarette. He notices you with a look of surprise. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah well, you chose a shitty venue. No taxis around.” You sneer.

“Sorry Gorgeous, but I don’t really have a say in the matter of where we play.” He says as he takes a drag of his cigarette. You scoff at the nickname and look back to the streets getting emptier and emptier. “Hey, you still want that autograph. From a future wash up.”

You purse your lips. You didn’t mean to call him that, he was being a dick. You glance over your shoulder and nod, “If you’ll give one to a douchebag fan.” 

He laughs and nods, beckoning you over. You dig through your satchel and pull out your old cassette much to Eddie’s surprise. “Holy shit, haven’t seen one of these puppies in a long ass time. Especially this one.” He signs the glass case, “This was only given out to a small number of people. How did you get this?”

“A friend of a friend.” You say as you take the tape back, “It’s how I got into your music. I loved your sound for a long time.”

Eddie smiles, “Long time fan, huh? No wonder you’re so hardcore.”

You roll your eyes, “You were giving attitude so I hashed it back.”

He throws up his hand, “Hey, I respect it. I find it impressive actually. Nobody talks to me like that… Nobody.” His eyes were intense as they stared into yours. You feel your knees buckle and your heart begins to race. His hand touches the side of your face then he slides his thumb over your bottom lip. His other hand moves to your waist, sliding it up and down. You move in closer to him, and his hand goes further down your leg then up and underneath your skirt over the curve of your ass.

Your breath hitches and you see his eyes dart to your lips. You swallow the spit in your mouth and smile, “May I kiss you?”

“You don't have to ask gorgeous.” He places his hand behind your neck and pulls you to his lips. His lips felt warm, the taste of cigarette still on his tongue. His hand tightens around your butt cheek and he pushes you up against his body. Your hands move over his chest then down and around his back, and your nails drag over the fabric of his shirt. 

Just then, the door of the venue swings open, and the band with everyone else exit and head towards the tour bus. Quickly, you and Eddie jump apart, wiping the shared saliva off your lips. You clear your throat and begin to walk in the opposite direction before Eddie grabs your hand. “Wait a minute, come with me.”

You cock your eyebrow and bite your lip, your heart was palpitating. You look down at his hand then back up at him, “Okay.” He smiles and pulls you toward him, slinging his arm over your shoulder.

As the bus is driven, Eddie sneaks kisses down your neck and up to the back of your ear. You grab his thigh as a reaction and he moves it up to his crotch. “You yelling at me, kinda turned me on.” He whispers.

“Oh yeah?” You whisper and you rub over the bulge in his pants, “You never pegged me as the type to like that.”

His breath hitches and he lets out a chuckle. He moves into your hand and throws his head back. “We’re finishing this tonight. You’re doing wonderful things to me, Gorgeous.”

The bus stops at a motel and everyone unpacks and heads to their respective rooms. Eddie leads to his room, inside was a single queen-sized bed with the ugliest comforter and a small tube television. Eddie sheds off his jacket and throws it on the single chair next to the bed. He turns back to you and beckons you closer.

You obey and he immediately puts his hands on your waist pressing himself against you and grinding slowly. You move your hands into his hair and pull gently. He moans into your mouth, his hands moving south to under your skirt. He squeezes gently before guiding you to the bed. He sets you down, and one by one he removes his clothes. You take this time to do the same until you are completely naked.

You see Eddie’s cock jump to life as his eyes trail your body, “God damn, you’re gorgeous.”

You feel yourself heat up, “You’ve been saying that.”

“And I’ll say it again.” He crawls over top of you, “You are gorgeous.” He kisses up your stomach to between your breasts then he trails his tongue back down past your belly button. You suck in your stomach at the sensation. You look down and see him move further down and between your legs. You gasp as you feel his tongue against your slit. It slides up and down slowly before you feel it reach your clit. Eddie wraps his mouth around it, soaking it in his spit before sucking on you. You claw at the sheets as you grind against his face. “Jesus Christ!”

Eddie pulls away, “Close enough, baby.” He crawls back up to kiss you, the taste of your pussy heavy on his lips. “Hang on a sec, gotta make sure we do this clean.” He grabs a condom from the nightstand and tears it open with his teeth. “Kiss it for me.” He holds up the rubber, you laugh then oblige pressing your lips against the material for a quick peck.

He moans at the sight then sits up and rolls it onto his cock, pumping it in his hands a few times. “You ready for this, Gorgeous?” He places one hand on your waist and the other aligns himself with your sopping wet hole.

You nod and bite your lip. He lets out a breath before pushing himself into your pussy. “Oh fuck~” You arch your back and squeeze your eyes shut. Eddie grabs your other hip and keeps you still.

“God, you’re clenching so hard.” He moans and thrusts into you rapidly. You cry out gripping the sheets as you feel him hit your sweet spot over and over until he throws you over the edge. His hips stutter and he leans down, capturing your lips in a kiss as he cums inside you.

Slowly, he pulls out of you and you whine at the loss. He chuckles and kisses your cheek. He rolls off of you and you slip out of bed and head to the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror, your makeup is smeared and your body is littered with hickeys.

You clean yourself up and get dressed. Eddie rolls over and watches you fix up your hair. “You’re gorgeous.” He mutters.

“You know, you’ve been saying that all night.” You laugh a little, “I bet you say that to all the pretty girls. Get them to soften up and loosen their pussy lips for you.”  You blow him a kiss then leave Eddie in the darkness of his room.

The next day, early in the morning the band is back on the road. The entire time Eddie can't get you out of his head. He wishes he could talk to you more. He could know you. He wants to see you again.

The bus stops at a truck stop so they could take a rest. The boys hop off the bus to stretch. Lo and behold Eddie recognizes one of the groupies’ cars. He then looks over to a picnic to see them feasting on some greasy food they got a hold of. The other members were now running over to see them. Eddie sighs before looking to the restrooms and seeing you. You were leaning against the wall between the two doors and you were smoking a cigarette.

Relief and delight wash over Eddie’s face when he sees you. He wipes his hands on his jeans and then approaches you, “Long time no see, Gorgeous.”

You roll your eyes then smile, “Hi Eddie. Did you need something?”

He shrugs, “If you’re offering.”

“Maybe I am.” You take another drag of your cigarette then flick it into the gravel. You then grab his hand and pull him into the men’s bathroom. You then pull him into one of the many stalls. Eddie puts his back against the door and locks it as you get on your knees in front of him.

He pretends to gasp and coos, “Oh Gorgeous, for me?”

You scoff before unbuckling his pants and undoing the button and zipper. He was already semi-hard, throbbing in his boxers. You pull it out, spit into your hand, and begin to stoke him. He groans at the sensation and grabs one of the sides of the stall.

 You lick over the slit, gathering what pre-cum spilled before putting the head of his cock into your mouth. He moans and juts his hips into your face. You hum and rest your hands on the divets of his pelvis. Slowly, you push his cock further into your mouth, much to Eddie’s pleasure. His hips stutter in your grasp.

As his cock reaches the back of your throat, you moan sending vibrations through his cock. He throws his head back moaning louder, he can’t control himself. He thrusts into your mouth and you put a hand on his stomach. You pull him out of your mouth and gag slightly, “Jesus, Eddie.”

“Sorry, sorry,” He whines, “Your mouth is a godsend.” His cock jumps a little, “I won’t do it again, fuck~ please keep going.” Seeing him writhing with need was hot. Compared to his confident persona on stage. He was whimpering now and trembling with anticipation.

“I’ll finish you off, relax.” You smile before continuing to put his cock back into your mouth. Quickly, you suck him off. Eddie cries out and begins to pant. “Gorgeous, oh fuck! You’re gonna make me cum.” He whines. Then he pulls you off again and then begins to pump his cock, “Open your mouth for me.” You obey and watch as he rests his cock on your tongue, squirting his cum into your mouth.

As he comes down from bliss, you help him back into his pants and wipe your face and knees. You look at him still in front of the door, “Are you gonna move?” He just looks at you with a smile. You tilt your head, “What?”

“Get on the tour bus with me.” 

Your eyes widen in surprise. “Are you sure? I thought you didn’t like groupies.”

“You said it yourself, you’re not a groupie.” He pulls you in by your belt loops, “I want to talk to you more. I want to know who you are.” Your heart skips a beat and you can’t help but smile. Before you could answer a voice called out.

“Eddie! Hurry up in there! We’re leaving!” It was the band’s manager.

Eddie doesn’t say a word, he just stares. He’s waiting for your answer. You sigh and nod. He smiles, “I’ll be out in a minute, just let me wash my hands.”

“Yeah right. Just hurry up.” You both giggle before leaving the stall.

All the groupies watch in shock as Eddie leads you into the tour bus. You had only been in the front area of the bus but this time Eddie gives you a full tour. There wasn’t much but he showed you where he slept and the lounge area in the back. Afterward, you and Eddie take a seat at the table in the front room. The other band members go about their business on the bus, pretending you weren’t there at all.

“So,” Eddie says, “You know a lot about me.”

“Sure. Born and Raised in a small town, held back in high school, started a band, and dropped out. Everything?”

“Pretty much.” He chuckles, “Now, tell me about you.”

You look taken aback at the question. He really did want to know about you. You let out a nervous laugh, “Well, I am also from the Midwest-”

“Where?” He lays his head on the back of the couch.

“Somewhere,” You say. 

He clicks his tongue in response. “That’s not fair.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’ve been out on the road since I graduated high school.”

“Why”

“Didn’t want to stay.” You shrug, “I’ve been hitchhiking, couch surfing, and greyhound riding ever since.”

“Hmm seems like you were born for this then.”

“Well, I never followed a tour bus before. I just know about the nonstop rush of moving from town to town.”

“I see,” He nods, “Family?”

“Some.”

“Friends.”

“Less than some.”

Eddie listens to you intently. He watches you as you answer his questions. One of his hands rests on your waist. His thumb circles the bit of skin under your shirt. “You fascinate me.” He says, “I can’t put my finger on it but you're not like those freaks in the clown car behind us.”

“Well, it wasn’t really my intention to follow you to your next location. I just wanted a ride. And maybe a taste of your cock.”

He laughs, “Could I see that tape again?” You nod and pull it out of your bag. “It’s incredible that you have this.” He takes it from your hands and shows the other members. All of them were astonished.

“I only made thirty copies,” Chad says, “You’re one lucky bastard.”

You smile at the compliment, “You wouldn’t mind signing the case too then would you?” They all nod and take turns signing the case and then handing it back to you. You look at the tape with glee before putting it back in your bag.

“Hey Gorgeous, wake up.” You stir out of your sleep. You don’t even remember closing your eyes. You’re resting against Eddie who has woken up. “We’re at the venue.” You fully wake up and leave the tour bus, Eddie following after you. His hands rarely leave your sides. He guides you around the roadies and leads you inside. He leads you to the dressing room door and turns to capture your lips in a kiss. “See you out there.” He smiles.

Your cheeks feel flush as you walk away. You leave backstage and head back outside to grab something to eat before the show. You take notice of the others from the caravan. They swam you and began to talk.

“You lucky son of a bitch.”

“Did they run a train through you?”

“What is Eddie like? I always sensed he was a good lay.”

You can barely think or speak as they bombard you with questions. They don’t seem to care if you answer. They turn to each other with their theories leaving you alone again. You thought they were so funny. Careless and free to travel the country to just have sex with a band on tour.

You walk to a local diner where you all take a seat in a large booth and order food. They all talk over each other and eat. You could tell who was there for the sex and who was there for the fun. They enjoy each other's company nonetheless, meeting new people and traveling around the country.

You all stay at the restaurant until dark. That’s when you head back to the venue. You hear Corroded Coffin rehearse from outside. After a while, they are invited inside with their general admission tickets.

You preferred to linger in the back of concerts. You couldn't do what others were able to do; thrashing and slamming their bodies into each other. You’d done it once and left with a pounding headache and a bruised arm.

The set starts and the crowd is in an uproar. During the concert, you can’t help but feel Eddie’s eyes looking at you. You catch him doing it several times and after one more you decide to wave. He flashes a wink back as he sings. You bite your lip as you continue to watch. You can’t tell what is beating louder, your heart or the kick drum.

After the show is over, you and the other groupies wait outside for the band. You’re not the only one now. More fans were waiting. The band comes out to sign things and you sit back with the others.

The crowd nearly disperses when all of the sudden you feel a hand grab yours. Eddie pulls you out of the crowd and leads you to the bus. Once inside, he pulls you into his lap as he sits. “Hello, Gorgeous.” He kisses you gently, hands already groping your ass.

You moan into the kiss, tangling your hands into his hair. It was damp with sweat and cold from the night air. You pull on it gently, causing him to moan.

“I saw you out there.” He whispers, “You’re a pretty good dancer.”

You laugh into his lips, “I wouldn’t really call that dancing.”

He shrugs “I call it as I see it. Your hips were moving, and your feet were too.” He rocks his hips into yours, “You had the rhythm.” He kisses down your neck. You moan at the sensation. You feel his warms hands move up your shirt, “God you’re gorgeous,” He whispers against your skin

“You have a tendency to say that.” You feel him moving again.

“I can’t help it, Gorgeous. Your skin, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your smile, your body. You are fucking gorgeous.”

You smile wider letting his hands roam your body. He kisses up and down your neck, nipping and licking, leaving marks all over. You grip his shoulders as you feel his hands move down into the back of your jeans.

“Is it okay to do it here?” You ask unsure out in the open of the tour bus.

“The guys are going out for drinks with some other people. So the bus is all ours unless you don’t want to.”

You shake your head, “No, no it’s fine. Just don’t want to be caught naked.”

“Of course. We’ll be quick.” He smiles as you stand up from his lap. He removes his shirt and spreads his legs then splays his arms on the back of the couch. You smile at the sight and put your fingers into the shape of a rectangle, “Click.”

He chuckles, “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking a picture with my mind. I can’t afford a camera.” You pull off your shirt, “It’s like the same thing.”

Then, Eddie does the finger thing to you, “Click.” He closes his eyes, “Mhm, gorgeous.” You scoff before getting back into his lap. He gently squeezes your breast as you continue to kiss. You move your hands down his chest and tug on his waistband. “Needy, needy.”

He lifts his hips and slides his pants off. You do the same, removing your pants. Eddie slips off your panties afterward. You straddle his lap again as Eddie reaches around to finger fuck you from the backside. You cry out and grind against his fingers, “Eddie,” You whine as he continues to shove his fingers inside you.

Eddie chuckles, “Just getting you nice and wet, Gorgeous.” He pulls them out and licks them clean. He then pulls his cock out of his underwear, “You ready?”

“Yes,” You say breathily. Eddie places his cock at your slit and slowly guides you down on it.

Eddie throws his head back, “Oh god~ so hot.” He grabs your hips and moves you with his movement. You rest your hands on his shoulders as you continue. “Fuck Gorgeous. I can’t get enough of you.”

You laugh at his nonsense and kiss down his neck. He moans then kisses your shoulder and picks up his pace. You throw your head back in ecstasy, “Eddie!”

“That’s right Gorgeous, say my name.” Suddenly, Eddie flips you over so your back is on the cushions then reenters you, continuing at his relentless pace. 

You claw at his back and moan, “Eddie! I’m gonna cum! Please, oh god, please.”

“I’m almost there, Sweetness~” He grabs at the back of your thighs and lifts your legs. The sound of skin slapping together echoes through the bus. You were pretty sure it was rocking too. With one final thrust, his cum pours inside you. You look up at him and see him staring back at you. His deep brown eyes scan over your face as if looking at the details.

You start to melt from his intense gaze and smile nervously, “Something on my face, Munson.”

He shakes his head, “Just looking at you.” You lean up and kiss him. Then Eddie gets up and does to the bathroom. He comes back with a towel and helps clean you up. After you’re done, you get dressed again. Eddie holds your hand and rubs over your knuckles, “Stay in the bus for the night.”

“It’s a bit cramped don’t you think?” You tilt your head.

He pouts, “As cramped as the clown car?” You sigh. He had a point, but you didn’t want to infringe on his space. “The couch pulls out.” He whispers in your ear.

“As long as they are okay with it.” You whisper back.

They were so okay with it, you never left. Venue after venue, show after show, you and Eddie were together. Eddie couldn’t help but feel you had gotten close. It’s been a month since you met and he loved every minute he spent with you. It was weird for him to think about but when your face would appear in his mind it felt good. Never in a million years would he have thought he would meet someone he would genuinely like on the road. However, there you were and you had changed his life forever.

It was the final show of the midwest before taking a break on the west coast and the last bit of the tour. Eddie had promised himself that he would ask you to be his one and only after this show. He smiled at the thought and catches your eyes during the show. You put up your fingers in the square and he poses for your mental photograph.

As the show continues, you feel a hand grab your elbow. You snatch it away quickly and look around to see who it was. Your face pales as you see it was somebody you had hitched a ride from a while ago. You had stolen some things from them and it seems they still hold that grudge. They grab at you again and you shove them back. With the shoving, you had started a mosh. Bodies now slam into one another. 

You take this opportunity and slip further through the crowd and to the exit. You look back at the stage and see Eddie. Your heart breaks a little but you see the person still trying to get to you. You leave through the door and vanish into the night.

The show ends and Eddie can’t wait to see you again. The thoughts of you rush through his head. He cleans off his sweat and helps the roadies pack up. He comes out of the venue and his smile quickly fades. You were not near the tour bus nor were you with the other groupies. “Hey clown car, where did they go?”

“I saw them leave in the middle of your set.” One of them responds.

“Yeah I saw somebody chase them out,” Another one says. “Sorry, Eddie.”

His heart wilts, where could you have gone? Hopefully, you would come back in time before they had to leave. So, he leans against the outside of the bus and waits.

And he waits.

And he waits.

“Eddie… We gotta go.”

He sniffles, “Yeah, I’ll follow you in.” He heads into the bus and leaves everything he hoped for behind. He had nothing to remember you by, except for those finger frame photos he took of you. He slides into his bunk and feels something under his pillow. It was the tape you had them sign. You would have never left it behind if you didn’t have to. You had told him of a few horror stories from your travels, he just hoped you were alright now. He sets it on the little shelf and closes his eyes. The thought of your smile runs through his mind.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Day after day, he can’t get you out of his head. The band was on break in LA before the west coast tour dates came. Eddie spent most of it in their shared apartment, smoking, writing songs, and fucking. And during most of those, he was thinking about you. What were you doing at this moment? Were you thinking about him? Did you miss him like he missed you? All the people he slept with were never good enough. Sure, he would climax but it wasn’t as satisfying as it was with you. If anything, it made him miss you more.

In the morning, Eddie rolls out of bed and smokes a bowl. His room was a mess not even he could navigate. He brushes his teeth and heads to the kitchen. Everyone else was dressed. The time on the microwave said it was nearing noon. He rummages through the fridge and grabs a random take-out box to feast upon.

“Gonna shower today, Eddie?” Jeff asks as he brushes past him.

Eddie shrugs, “Nowhere to go, no need to shower.”

“Y’know Eds, I thought you would be over them by now,” Chad says as he shuffles through the channels on the tv.

“I am.”

“Liar.” Gareth says, “You look hopeless. There is a week left before the tour starts up again and you haven’t left the house.”

“Maybe because I don’t want to. Have you thought about that?”

“Eddie, look at yourself. This isn’t good. And if anything it affecting us too.” He folds his arms, “You’re leaving the house. Tonight. Shower, change clothes, smoke a joint, and we’re going to a house party. Got it?”

“Whatever mom,” Eddie mumbles, dropping the take-out box on the coffee table. He gets up and heads back to his room.

Hours later, the guys force Eddie out of the house. There was a house party at some famous person’s house nearby. Eddie didn’t care. The band shuffles through the house and gets greeted by literally everyone.

When Eddie is finally free, he slips through the crowd to find where the drugs were. He brushes past a few people before a door swings open and someone nearly runs into him. “Woah, hey, sorry about that.” It was you. You were here. Your eyeliner is smudged and you had the glittery vanilla gloss on he always liked. Your eyes brighten when you see him and you smile that gorgeous smile. “Eddie! Holy shit! You’re here! Eddie?”

Eddie doesn’t move. His eyes just scan over you with a sad look. He steps forward and grabs your shoulders, “You’re here.” Is all he could muster. 

“I am so sorry. I left without any explanation. I was chased by some asshole and got lost and couldn’t come back in time. I’ve been trying to get to LA ever since. And now I’m here. I heard the band was invited and I hoped you would be here.” You explain. 

Eddie pulls you in and presses his lips against yours. You melt into the kiss and your hands move to the sides of his face. You break from the kiss and he gives you a soft smile, “I missed you, Gorgeous.” He whispers.

After your reunion, you head to the roof to share a cigarette. “So, is that whom you took the cassette from?” He asks.

You nod, “Yeah… I was hitchhiking slash couch surfing in Indiana and landed near Hawkins. This guy was being a total dick so I took some stuff to pawn off for a greyhound ticket. The shop wouldn’t take your tape so I kept it for myself. I listened to it whenever I got the chance. You saved my sanity.”

Eddie chuckles, “You saved mine. Life was fun before, sure, but it felt like a race to the finish. When we are gonna be washed-up drunks playing in bars again. But with you, I don’t see that future. I see you, me, a big house, a dog, maybe a kid…”

You raise your eyebrows and smile, “Oh, you've planned a whole future, hm?”

“You know what I mean. I imagine spending the rest of my life with you. Without you, I waste away.”

You lean over and kiss the corner of his mouth, “I missed you too.” You whisper. He smiles and pulls you into his lap. You continue to kiss, and you move to straddle his lap. “Wanna get outta here?”

“My place?”

“Uh, I’m currently sleeping on the floor of a dirty apartment.”

“My place it is.” Eddie leads you back inside the house, down to the backyard, and out through the backyard to the street. You hold hands as you walk. He rubs his thumb over your knuckle and his eyes admire you in the moonlight. He couldn’t believe you were here with him. “Gorgeous.”

You look over at him, “What?”

“You responded.” He smiles.

“You said, ‘Gorgeous.’”

“I was complimenting you. You’re gorgeous, Gorgeous.” You scoff and hip-bump him and he does it in return.

The next morning, Eddie wakes up to the sight of you sound asleep next to him. He smiles at your serene face. He leans in and kisses your forehead. You stir a little and move closer, cuddling up to him. “I think I love you.” He says.

You giggle, “That’s rich. Eddie falls in love with a groupie.” You open your eyes and look up at him, “And I think I love you too.”

[witchofthesouls]

Team Prime learns (and maybe meets) some cryptids/urban legends

(Heads up, the last one includes death. It starts with "A wolf sits at the side of the...")

The less Ratchet thinks about the rude, little shit of a jackalope, the better off he is. It dented the side of his alt-mode, gouging deep as it insulted his intelligence when he pulled off the road.

To be fair, it's even smaller than a typical human and highly drunk as it slurred a warning about "idiot tourists staying after the sun sets" and "stupid big folk" and "Great Hunting."

It doesn't help that no one else believes him. Oh, sure: ghostly apparitions are fine, but a talking, big-antlered rabbit isn't?

The kids would roll their eyes and think he's trying too hard.

Optimus enjoys people-watching. He enjoys being part of the crowd. None distinguishable from the rest of the men when he uses his holomatter. There’s an old man that’s always at the bar. Hair long since grey, skin full of liver spots and translucent, back stooped, and yet he can out-drink everyone in the vicinity. His body is old and creaky, but his mind is still sharp, his tongue silver, and his hands fast on a fiddle.

Jack is his name. He’s well-acquainted with Optimus, who goes by Leo Cullen, as they struck up an odd friendship at the bar counter. Both are familiar with surviving in the true wild lands, with getting out of sticky situations and too-powerful authority figures, and ruminating on Gone Things.

Old Man Jack with his quick tongue and tired eyes carries a lantern carved from a turnip, and whenever the man and holomatter walk out together, Jack lights it up before his feet touch the ground outside.

Eventually, Optimus will be able to see how the shadows play with its light, the swirling color and shifting patterns on the turnip’s face, and Jack asks him:

“Did you make a piss-poor deal with the devil, too?”

On the outskirts of Jasper at the abandoned roads, there’s a different kind of race for a different breed of thrill-seekers, adrenaline junkies, and lost souls.

When the wind blows right and the night is dark, people race against the coyotes of dust and sand. With eerie eyes and haunting voices, they group together to form sandstorms as they chase after tires and wipe away the roads.

To the winners, howls will crown their victory as Jasper is right in their line of sight. To the losers, a storm will sweep over the area and wash all traces of the racer. Howls will welcome the newest member of the pack.

Arcee goes out there without anyone else and races. The sand scrapes over her plates, ghostly jaws snap over her tires, and her spark thrums wild as she cannot see anything in front, nor behind her, as the storm swallows her whole. 

She wins. She manages to overcome them and they howl at her victory.

Neither of them spoke of it, but when Bulkhead and Cliffjumper raced on an empty stretch of East coast highway under icy conditions, they saw a battle raging in the sea.

A massive serpentine shape with shades of onyx and midnight blues is wrapped around an equally massive squid-like form. Tentacles thrash, deadly hooks swirl within its suckers as it tries to puncture the serpent’s scales, and waves crash upon the rocky beach, the seawater rising high to meet the road. They see the foamy water pulling back and turning, turning, turning-

And then the serpent unhinges its jaw, wide enough to take a chunk out of the Ark, serrated and swordlike teeth gleam wickedly in the distance, and it sinks into the fat head and twists-

 The squid turns a ghastly white and the water calms as the victor and its prey disappear into deeper waters, the sea rippling and distorting before evening out.

“This planet has giant Quintessons.” This planet has a bigger critter that eats the giant Quintesson.” “Primus save us…”

A wolf sits at the side of the road. It’s the same wolf at the same point of the road, all the time, rain and shine. Bumblebee pulls over during his free time, and he notices it bleeding from its mouth and collar on its neck before it darts into the woods behind it.

Bumblebee doesn’t go after it because his comm rings and it’s Decepticon activity. He leaves and feels its heavy gaze upon his bumper.

The next time he stops, it’s still bleeding from its mouth and it moves to the tree line. It stops and looks back, beckoning him and Bumblebee follows.

The terrain is rough and there’s no set pavement, but he can handle it. It moves like the wind, speeding fast as it darts and weaves between trees.

If Bumblebee wasn’t a Cybertronian and so intuitively in control of his alt-mode, he would have run over the wolf that now lies on its belly on the ground.

His holomatter approaches slowly and it paws the ground, whining, pushing away the dead leaves and muck. 

Bumblebee digs deep and finds a familiar collar, he also finds bones and patches of faded cloth scraps.

He keeps tabs on the location’s local news when it finally breaks: an old couple gets their closure on their son and the family’s wolfdog that went missing decades ago. Fingers, adult ones, were stuck in the wolfdog's throat.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 6/13/2023

very games-centric week

listening

this opening bit samples bowie's life on mars and sounds like a piano cover of a half-remembered but still beloved childhood anime. like the kind you had a set of two VHS clamshells for but only episodes 4-6 and 10-12. it goes on the "lofi beats to data and entry to" playlist. spotify

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reading

fallow week

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watching

the folks at waypoint games, formerly vice's leftist games vertical, BOUGHT THE BRAND FROM VICE and are rebranding as remap. i wish them all the fuckin best and i hope they succeed but i feel like we have maybe six months of this before one of them goes literally bankrupt from a doctor's visit bc healthcare is such a fuckin nightmare in this country. im simply not excited for starfield. i am not interested in corporate nasa

anyway i enjoyed their commentary, excited for compulsion games' southern gothic action/adventure spellcaster South of Midnight

neutrally optimistic about obsidian's Avowed, bc i do love obsidian but i do not love sword and sorcery rpgs

there's airships in microsoft flight simulator so i may genuinely buy one month of gamepass to try that out

capcom's path of the goddess looks fucking gorgeous but i have never played more than half an hour of a capcom game and i expect i never will. is this topdown? is this isometric? what the fuck is the gameplay mode??? who could FUCKING say

also there's a new jersey fallout 76 expansion coming at some point. in real life i hate atlantic city and i don't really how know this will look or play differently from point lookout. i don't know if i want to play a much-reviled cash cow mmorpg just to get postapoc jersey lore. if this leads up to 5 being set in nyc im going to be real pissed off. go somewhere DIFFERENT. there are DIFFERENT PLACES on the east coast!!! blease

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playing

viddy game can consistently turn my brain off enough that i forget im moving cross country in two weeks and can forcibly relax my body for twenty mintues at a time between packing boxes. so there's been a lot of pomodoro-ing, or my version which is: pack until i get so anxious i physically cannot pack anymore, go have a snack, go play twenty minutes of a video game, and then go pack until i am on the verge of a panic attack again. this is not healthy but all my books are packed. all of these were free on epic at some point btw which is why i own them

the first time i played Airborne Kingdom, i lost track of time and beat it in one sitting in eight hours. the second time i played Airship Kingdom, i replicated that exact experience. i have allied with all the kingdoms and have like two hundred souls on board but am not QUITE selfsufficient enough to take on the northern/artic sea DLC. stay tuned. soundtrack in this thing is great.

bounced VERY hard off Close to the Sun, a bioshock-lite i put about four hours/three levels into. a huge gilded age cruise ship where the science has Gone Wrong would normally be catnip to me, but the game did brutally kill the player character's sister in front of me in an unskippable cutscene so we're done with that game now THANK YOU. it is very slow, which i do like in a game that gives you this much stuff to look at, but there is no gamma control. this game is so fucking dark. i played it in a dark room with no lights and it was still too dark.

pinged off the typing exploration game Epistory despite its charming art, bc fast and accurate typing is something covid has taken from me.

rediscovered Carcassone (online) which is great bc i love Carcassone and own a physical copy of the board game but no one else in my life loves it. tile-building countryside-building game, seconds to learn, etc. thank you board game review even though there are no meeple in their natural habitat (the board) in this picture

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making

it's gonna be putting things into boxes for the forseeable future (the next week) and then living out of them for a while (the next two weeks after that)

[kjack89]

If you're still taking Spotify requests: E/R for which ever song is your favorite that ISNT a repeat from last year. (Or Taylor Swift. My coworker has been over playing Midnights in the office and I'm so sick of it atm.)

Oh man, this was a hard song to pick, because I love so many songs on this playlist (obviously, or they wouldn't be in my top 100!). In the end, I went with the song that I have loved the longest, the one that I used to ask my father to play whenever he drove, like, 4-year-old me anywhere because the album this was on was one of the cassette tapes he had in his car.

Well, it was this album or Enya, and sadly Orinoco Flow didn't make my top 100 for some reason.

87. "The Ballad of Billy the Kid" by Billy Joel

It's a Western AU. Because why the hell not at this point.

The night was quiet and peaceful, its stillness broken only by the gentle crackle of the dying fire and the ubiquitous chirp of crickets, but Enjolras couldn’t seem to enjoy it, his own ears still ringing with the sounds of chaos from earlier.

As a general rule, Enjolras didn’t like robbing trains. Too high a possibility of innocent people being hurt or recognizing one of Les Amis, defeating the purpose of how they handled their robberies, and besides, word of mouth spread faster when robbing banks.

But when Combeferre got reliable word that the Corinthe, headed from back east out to the west coast, was carrying a stash of money belonging to none other than F. H. Tholomyès himself, one of the wealthiest and most exploitative robber barons the West had ever seen, Enjolras knew that not even he could pass up this opportunity.

Which was how Les Amis had found themselves that morning perched along the train tracks, guns and horses at the ready. As they waited for the train to round the bend in the tracks, Enjolras could not help but share a few words, knowing they would never have another opportunity like this one. “Gentlemen,��� he started, sweeping his hat off his head to catch their attention, “where are we going?”

To his right, crouched behind a rocky outcropping, Courfeyrac muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “For Christ’s sake,” but Enjolras ignored him, instead glancing around at their compatriots.

Joly sheepishly raised a hand. “Are we going to the train?” he asked, barely managing to hide his smile as Grantaire and Bossuet sniggered on either side.

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed, and Joly’s smile disappeared. “Yes,” Enjolras said, with a bite of impatience. “We’re going to the train just as we are going to the future. And what we do here today is in service of all people. Gentlemen, we are no mere robbers—”

“We do not steal for riches,” Bahorel recited in what was clearly meant to be an undertone but carried a little too well.

“We do not steal for glory,” Feuilly added, a grin twitching at the corners of his mouth as Prouvaire chimed in, with the cadence of an orator, “Thievery, I hate you, but I make use of you—”

“—For by stealing this money, so too do we steal our future from those who would keep it from us,” Bahorel, Feuilly and Prouvaire finished in unison, and Enjolras glowered at them.

Grantaire cleared his throat. “Maybe if you didn’t use the same speech at the start of every robbery—” he started, but Enjolras ignored him, barreling stubbornly onward.

“We are advancing the unity of man,” he said through gritted teeth. “The common man out from under the thumb of the rich, that is the goal. And whatever happens here today, through our failure or through our success, we are creating an alternative to those who think there’s no other way to live.”

He glanced at Combeferre on his left, who also looked a little like he was trying not to smile, and Enjolras scowled. He was saved from saying anything by the train finally rounding the tracks, and instead jammed his hat on his head before he raised his voice to shout, “Courage, and onward!”

From there, things had devolved into the usual controlled chaos that was the undercurrent of every robbery they had ever done, all leading to this moment camped out by the fire, their afternoon’s takings – even more than Enjolras had hoped – in a series of nondescript bags to be tied to a horse’s saddle. 

As much as Enjolras disliked robbing trains, he disliked the aftermath of a robbery even more. He could never find a way to calm himself after the excitement, always ready to move onto the next. He reckoned it was part of what made him so successful, even if it meant always feeling a little like an outsider as his friends traded jokes and stories around the campfire as he brooded on their next plan.

Still, there was nothing else for it, and with a sigh, he sat upright, grabbing his hat from on top of his saddle and placing it on his head before standing. He bent to pick up the saddle, carrying it over to his horse, Mabeuf, who was drowsily grazing where he was picketed. “Sorry for the early morning, boy,” he murmured, rubbing the horse’s neck before lifting the saddle onto his back.

A similar movement caught the corner of his eye and he immediately turned, his hand automatically falling to the pistol at his hip. He relaxed when he saw it was just Grantaire tending to his own horse.

The relaxation was short-lived, seeing as how Grantaire had never been an early riser and had managed to drink enough whiskey to drown a lesser man, and Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “What’re you doing?”

Grantaire didn’t even glance over at him, adjusting the saddle with a practiced eye. “What’s it look like I’m doing?”

Enjolras scowled. “Looks like you’re packing up.”

Now Grantaire did look over at him, a small smile creasing his face. “I always knew you were more than a pretty face.”

Enjolras crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Why are you packing up?” he asked, ignoring Mabeuf nudging his shoulder in search of an apple or sugar cube.

Grantaire shrugged. “Because I’m going.”

“Going where?” Enjolras ground out. No one managed to irritate him quite like Grantaire did.

Grantaire shrugged again, squinting out at the horizon where the first hint of light was just beginning to break. “Well, now, that’s a good question,” he said easily. “Not sure yet.”

Enjolras sighed. “You know you can’t come with me.”

“I do,” Grantaire said.

Enjolras scowled. “You know why we do it like this.”

“Hasn’t changed.”

“Grantaire.” They’d had this argument so many times before that Enjolras really only needed to say Grantaire’s name in that tone for them to both know exactly how this would play out, just as it had every time before. It was as familiar to them as the sun rising over the plains, and almost as comforting in a strange way, as if a mission wasn’t complete without its familiar cadence.

Which was why Enjolras kept his tone calm but firm in the explanation he’d given a hundred times before. “I’m the one who has to go,” he told Grantaire. “We do the job, I split off with the money and distribute it to where it needs to go. That way, I draw all the attention to myself, and let you all get away. No one ever suspects you. You can’t be implicated.”

They hadn’t always done it this way, but after the first posse got together to track them down, Enjolras had insisted on the change, had insisted that everyone else cover their faces so that the only one anyone ever got a good look at was him.

There was a reason Les Amis wasn’t well known throughout the West, and it wasn’t because they weren’t damn good at what they did – it’s because to every sheriff from the Mississippi to the Rio Grande, they were known as Apollo the Kid and his Gang.

He didn’t need to remind Grantaire of that, though – Grantaire knew. Even in the dim light of the dying fire, Enjolras could see a muscle working in Grantaire’s cheek. “That is indeed the plan.”

Enjolras suddenly found he couldn’t quite meet Grantaire’s eye, and so busied himself with Mabeuf’s bridle. “Which is why you can’t come with me,” he said, his voice rough.

“You already said that,” Grantaire said, matching his tone. “I ain’t deaf.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Enjolras shot back.

Grantaire scowled at him. “Listen, the job’s done, right? So there’s no need for me to stay. Way I see it, I’m free to go.”

Enjolras jerked a shrug. “I guess.”

“You guess?” Grantaire repeated. “And here I thought freedom was the entire point of what we were doing here.” He paused before adding pointedly, “Isn’t it?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Of course, but that’s not—”

Grantaire gave him a look. “Ain’t you the one who keeps saying that the working people need to unite because the only thing we have to lose is our reins?”

“Chains, but—”

“Then let a man pack his horse in peace,” Grantaire finished.

Enjolras scowled. “Fine, if you’ll answer me one question.”

“What’s that?” Grantaire asked, not looking over at him.

“Why’d you suddenly decide to pack up now when I started to?”

Something that might’ve been a smile twitched at the corners of Grantaire’s mouth. “Coincidence.”

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “Helluva coincidence.”

“Sure is.”

Still, despite himself, despite everything, Enjolras had to admit that packing up seemed to go faster with Grantaire at his side. Or at the very least, it seemed just a little bit less lonely.

When they were both packed – and the money they’d stolen carefully stashed in Enjolras’s saddlebags – Enjolras pulled himself onto his horse, glancing over at Grantaire. “You heading out?”

“Yessir,” Grantaire said, patting his horse’s neck as he added in an attempt at casual, “Which way are you headed?”

Enjolras jerked his chin toward the horizon. “West.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “Well, whaddya know,” he said. “So am I.”

Enjolras just shook his head. “Coincidence?” he asked wryly. 

Grantaire half-smiled. “Sure is.”

Just as the packing was less lonely with Grantaire by his side, so was the ride. It was early enough that neither man worried too much about anyone else being on the road, though both kept a weather eye out, just in case.

But the ride in comfortable silence could only last for so long, and eventually, Enjolras reined his horse to a stop, Grantaire stopped as well. Enjolras nodded to the fork in the road up ahead. “This is where we part ways,” he said, a note of warning in his voice.

Grantaire’s expression was unreadable. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Enjolras said with conviction. He hesitated before adding, “Thank you for coming all this way with me—”

“It was nothing,” Grantaire interrupted. “I was headed this way anyway.”

Enjolras managed a small smile. “Coincidence.”

Grantaire smiled as well. “Well, something like that, anyway.”

Enjolras nodded, something sharpening in his expression. “Just like it’s coincidence how you always seem to be headed my way after every robbery,” he said lightly.

Grantaire’s smile faded, and he shrugged. “Ain’t the world a remarkable place,” he said noncommittally.

“I suppose it is.” Enjolras glanced over at him. “Where are you headed now?”

Grantaire shrugged again. “Oh, here, there, and around,” he said, purposefully vague, but Enjolras didn’t miss the way his hand twitched toward his gun in its holster. “Got some business to keep an eye on.”

Enjolras frowned. “You know I don’t need you to protect me,” he said bluntly, tired of playing this little game every single time.

To his surprise, Grantaire barked a laugh before running a hand across his mouth. “Enjolras, you don’t need me for a damn thing.”

“I don’t know that I’d go quite that far,” Enjolras said before he could stop himself, and he quickly looked away, feeling the back of his neck burn despite being protected by his hat. “In any case, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you at the rendezvous.”

Grantaire nodded. “Yessir.” He kneed his horse forward, ostensibly toward the fork Enjolras wasn’t taking, then paused, turning back to face him. “Oh, and Enjolras?”

“Yeah?”

Grantaire raised his chin just slightly. “Anytime you want it to be something other than a coincidence, all you have to do is say the word.”

Enjolras’s throat felt tight. “I know,” he said, his voice low.

For a moment, it looked like Grantaire might say something more, but instead he just touched the brim of his hat before kneeing his horse forward again. Enjolras watched him go before starting forward once again, alone.

[mayakern]

When you say “16th thru the 31st” do you mean the shirts can still be pre-ordered On the 31st?

This might be a silly thing to ask, but I get confused easily with the whole “thru x date” thing because its sometimes used when they mean ‘by x date’ and I would hate to miss out on your shirts.

yes you’ll be able to order thru the entirety of the 31st!

preorders have to be closed manually and i’m on the east coast and also go to bed before midnight, which i know would be too early for many ppl, so i’ll probably close preorders the morning after

[prettyinpwn]

No lie, I’ve loved Lord Huron for ages so I’m a little biased, but damn does the Strange Trails album of theirs fit the Stan Twins so well at times, especially Ford but there’s a hint of Stan character themes in it, too (also Bill a bit). Mostly Portal!Ford focused on revenge, Stan working to get Ford back, Ford coming back and knowing Bill is still a threat, and some Sea Grunks vibes.

There’s even a western/acoustic guitar plus sci-fi electronic instruments vibe like the Gravity Falls soundtrack has, and the album cover has that general American outdoorsy feel (hard to describe but it’s like that same aesthetic you see on vintage state or national park signs in America).

There are romantic themes that don’t fit. But minus those it’s peak Stan twin feels.

tl;dr: for those who don’t read under the cut, at least listen to Frozen Pines by Lord Huron, I beg of you. Max Stan twin vibes. Pines because duh, the setting being a snowy night in a pine forest, two male voices singing at times, and the lyrics mY GoD.

If you like it, then listen to The World Ender, Meet Me in the Woods, and Way Out There too for some lesser but still Stan twin or Bill vibes.

Some deeper, rambling thoughts for the whole album under the cut ~

Okay, so this is what I mean with this album, song by song:

1. Love Like Ghosts - eh, one of the romantic songs I mentioned that don’t fit well. I love this song, ‘tis one of my favorites on the album, but not very Stan twin-ish. Maybe more Stan-ish because it mentions the protagonist being haunted by ghosts all the time, likely a feeling Stan had all those years after Ford had disappeared and he was trying desperately to get him back. There’s also a theme of seeing ghosts in oneself, which, since Stan looks like Ford...

2. Until the Night Turns - definitely more Ford, one because lyrics about staying up all night (Ford is allergic to sleep), and because these reasons:

“I had a vision tonight that the world was ending Yeah, the sky was falling and time was bending I watched the heavens collide right before my eyes What if the world dies with the sunrise?“

“I had a visitor come from the great beyond - cOUgH Bill CoUGh Telling me our time in the world is done And to watch for a sign in the midnight sky What if the world dies with the sunrise?”

“When the World Ender comes, baby, don’t close your eyes”

Definitely due to it being in major key, it’s a more happy feeling song, so this feels like a Ford during the meeting Bill and admiring him era of Ford’s life, plus some foreboding foreshadowing of how Bill is the World Ender. Though so is Ford, in a way.

There are some romantic themes but meh ignore those.

3. Dead Man’s Hand - this is a great song with both Stan and Ford lines, BUT I’d say it leans more Stan, both when he went to go see Ford before the portal accident, him taking over Ford’s life, etc.

“Yellow lines, in the dead of the night Oh, I was heading back out West Trying to keep my eyes open wide I’d gone days without any rest”

I’d see this as being both Stan going to Ford before the portal accident, driving out to see him, but this can also be Ford because sleep what’s that? Also EyEES. “You come back from a trip to the East But you don’t come back from the dead”

More of a Stan line. He staged his death to take Ford’s identity. Could also be Ford, though, since he was also sort of “dead” to the world after he disappeared. Also, they’re both from the East coast.

“Sure as hell he was dead as they come, He was already starting to smell eh ignore this line Just a kid, with his hair slicked back And a knife tucked into his belt Was he unforgiven? Or just tired of living a life that never felt like his?“ Stan to a T. He had his hair slicked when he was young, the knife in the belt from years of crime and/or expecting people after him, and the last two lines? Ooooooooof.

“I stared right into the endless Void And I ain’t going back if I got any choice“ AKA I stared into the void of some interdimensional portal that I lost my brother to and I’ve decided to stay here to fix it.

There’s also a stanza about the protagonist in the song burying this dead man, but the dead man doesn’t want to stay and wants to keep roaming. It’s like Stan juggling on that tightrope of “is Ford dead, is he not, do I keep trying?”. Could also be Stan as the dead man himself, still technically alive after he’d already buried himself. Or Stan feeling like he’s having to bury his own brother mentally. GAH the possibilities are endless.

4. Hurricane (Johnnie’s Theme)

Stan to a T, at least the first stanza. The lyrics explain themselves:

“I get a thrill outta playing with fire ‘Cause you hold your life when you hold that flame I get a kick outta thunder and lightning And tearing through the night hollering your name

I get a laugh outta starin’ at darkness And wondering why people live in the light I drive fast and I rumble the hardest I don’’t feel alive if I ain’’t in the fight” The fire part is self-explanatory. Also I think Stan canonically had a motorcycle at one point? So huehue, that imagery is cute. The lyrics just give off a vibe of Stan’s personality overall.

“I can’t sleep when there’s something to do - like staying up trying to get your brother back “You spend your whole life dreaming, and you wake up dead”

This death imagery, man. Stan, going along trying get rich quick and con schemes, dreaming up fame, only to have to fake his death to take Ford’s place?

The rest of the lyrics of this one aren’t too applicable to Gravity Falls/Stan, besides the part about being an illusion (’cause he ain’t Ford, but he stole Ford’s name and looks like him, so Stan is an illusion of Ford of sorts). Also the mentions of eyes everywhere...

5. La Belle Fleur Sauvage -

So this song is technically about a woman, so eh, not really applicable. Could be seen as a metaphor for Ford reaching for the paranormal not knowing how dangerous it is, in some parts at least. Or Ford having a thing for Jheselbraum/The Oracle, if you’re into that headcanon.

6. Fool for Love -

Another goopy love song, so not as applicable once again. But these lyrics...

“I stare into the endless sky And the sorry tale of my life goes by I drift into the great unknown And I really don’t know where I’m going...”

Ford to a T.

7. The World Ender -

Okay, HERE’S where the songs start hitting Stan twin stuff hard. There’s also Bill in this one, especially so if you also believe in the theory that Stan is a reincarnation of Bill in some way. So this song is majorly Stan + Bill-ish, but I can see it as a song that slaps for Ford, too (because A. he technically almost ended the world and is a World Ender, B. came back from the “dead” when he returned from the portal and sought revenge on Bill for decades).

“I had a name but they took it from me I was the man I wanted to be I had a place to lay my head But they burned it to the ground, and the sky turned red

I had a life and a place in the world I had a sweet-talking wife and a beautiful girl I know I’m never gonna see ‘em again Gonna tear up the world ‘til I have my revenge

They took my life but it isn’t the end Oh, they put me in the ground, but I’m back from the dead Oh, I’m a world ender baby and I’m comin’ for them.

You hear me howl by the light of the moon That’s how you know that I’m comin’ for you Gonna find you alone in the dark of night Oh when the world ender comes, baby, run for your life I never bleed and I won’t ever age I’ll never feel the embrace of the grave Oh the fair and the brave and the good must die I’ve seen the other side of livin’ I know heaven’s a lie I tear through the night and I raise some hell ‘Cause I’m a world ender baby and I’m back from the dead

“Lord knows I should be pushin’ daisies I was six feet down until somethin’ raised me up Sent back before I lift my curse I’m gonna get me a taste of some chaos, first

Untied, I’m gonna get a little wild Screamin’ through the night like a demon child Close your eyes now the light is fading And the noise in the night is gonna get a little louder, baby

They can run for their lives, but they cannot be saved I’m a world ender baby and I’m comin’ for them.”

So this feels Bill mostly to me. Firstly, Bill isn’t his actual name, as apparently his real one is too much for humans to comprehend without going insane. Based on his backstory, he was from a dimension that was burned completely (implied to have been his own fault) and all his loved ones died. The Axolotl prophecy implies that he misses them dearly, even though he pretends not to. So from that anger he seeks chaos and wants to destroy realities.

The second stanza is almost like when he came after Ford, coming in the dark of night while Ford is all paranoid and sleepless. And the third stanza makes perfect sense, because Bill doesn’t have a body, he doesn’t bleed or die. The last few lines, well... now he wants revenge. He’s a demon child and is going to end the world. It also feels Stan though, because of the name swap thing again, his fire “death” at the end of the series and recovering from it, and the world ending with Weirdmageddon. Also if you believe in the Bill = Stan theory, well... yeah, as Stan, Bill really is back from the dead.

BUT it’s also a great Ford song, because he “died” to the world when he disappeared. He roamed the multiverse for decades and spent that long making sure he did everything he could to get revenge on Bill. Ford being “dead” and coming back is almost like his return from the dead, and he doesn’t ever deny his role in helping Bill bring the end of the world. So he proudly is like, “I’m the world ender and I’m coming for revenge”. Kind of a badass Portal!Ford to his return in NWHS song. And at the end, he’s just about to take the shot at Bill with his quantum destabilizer, but then the portal opens up and he gets pulled away from his revenge... and now he’s back from the “dead”. Hence “Sent back before I lift my curse”...

Seriously this song SCREAMS Stan twins and Bill.

8. Meet Me in the Woods - Ford. Ford ALL THE WAY, specifically post portal return. I don’t even have to explain it.

9. The Yawning Grave -

This song is more subtle than Meet Me in the Woods, but this could be both a Bill and a Ford song. Either Bill coming after Ford post dream warning in TLM, or Ford going for Bill when Weirdmageddon hits (hence the “reckoning” mentioned).

10. Frozen Pines -

Well, besides the obvious ‘Pines’ thing, and frozen pines because Ford went missing on a snowy night deep in the cold winter, and the fact that two male voices echo each other on the track at times... and symbolically the Pines are frozen because both Stan and Ford had to pause their own lives the moment Ford was lost, like they and their relationship has been frozen in time since the night of their fight...

This gives me both Stan and Ford vibes. Like a song that fits both of them as they wonder where the other is, however, certain stanzas fit one twin more than the other. To me, this is THE ultimate song for their relationship on this album, as well as any other song I’ve ever heard besides maybe Always Gold by Radical Face. To the point that I’m surprised that I’ve never heard anyone else mention this song in the fandom (maybe they have, I’ve been gone a long while..)?

Anyways, lyrics that hit hard:

“Deep into the night With the moonlight as my guide I go wander through the pines and make my Way to nature’s shrine And I look up to the sky And I know you’re still alive But I wonder where you are, I call your name into the dark

I wake up in the morning, oh, and I don’t know where I’ve been All alone on a mountainside and I’m huddled in the wind And it feels like I’ve been away for an era but nothing has changed at all And it feels like I’ve been with you, oh, but what did we do and where have you gone.”

FORD x1000. Portal!Ford specifically, alone in the universe, wandering. I picture a snowy planet, and he sees pines (or some similar alien plant) and thinks of his family/brother. He looks up at the sky, wondering where Stan has been. Is he still alive back home? He decides to believe that he is, only if to keep himself going. He has a nightmare of Stan running away from him and meeting a bad end, and he calls his name in the dream.

He wakes up in the morning as the nightmare ends, cold, wind-blown, surprised he survived the night. He’s been gone in the portal for decades. And that last line, OUCH: what did he and Stan do? Was his childhood with Stan even real, because it feels so far away, now. Why did they even fight? It’s the biggest regret of Ford’s life.

Alright, now Stan’s turn:

“On the night you disappeared Oh, if I had seen it clear But a strange light in the sky was shining right into my eyes There was no one else in sight Just the endless frozen pines But I wonder all they know 'cause they don't die and they don't grow.”

Yeah, this is Stan the night Ford was lost. A cold, wintry night in a pine forest. The bright light of a portal. Ford disappearing. Etc.

The last line specifically is both Stan and Ford. They are ‘frozen Pines’, stuck in time and left regretting that night forever, not dead, but not growing beyond it, either. It also reminds me of Mabel’s line in the Lost Legends comic, about how they’re both big kids that need to take care of each other. Like Stan and Ford just stopped growing after they were separated and need the Stan-O-War II adventures to regain lost time they spent apart.

“I am ready to follow you even though I don't know where I will wait in the night until you decide to take me there.”

Stan’s loyalty to getting Ford back, of course, working diligently every night to do so.

'Cause I know I don't wanna stay here forever, it's time to be movin’ on Oh I don't want to be the only one living when all of my friends are gone.”

Both Stan and Ford. Stan and Ford both don’t want to be where they are forever, either lost in the portal, or back home with Ford lost forever. Also, the ‘moving on’ is the repairing of their relationship. And they don’t want to be the only twin still alive. :’0

“I will be waiting for you, on the other side of the frozen pines I'm gonna find a way through, there's another life beyond the line I will be waiting for you, on the other side of the frozen pines I'm gonna find a way through, there's another life beyond the line.”

A lot to unpack here. Overall, thematically, the ‘frozen Pines’ are both metaphorically them as Pines brothers whose relationship was frozen in time after their fight, the rift in their relationship, and the literal portal that keeps them apart. Ford and Stan are waiting for the other, wanting to cross the rift in their relationship to see each other again. There’s another life in their sibling relationship waiting on the other side, if they could just forgive each other. Also the symbolism of them both being “dead”, either by faking their death or disappearing, then regaining their life upon Ford’s return, both as who they were originally.

JUSt... NO ONE CAN TELL ME THAT THIS IS THE STAN TWIN SONG. FITE ME. Like I said before, though, special mention to Always Gold by Radical Face.

11. Cursed - meh, skip this one for Stan twin feels. Unless you take the relationship part out, and translate the “she” into Bill. Then maybe it works.

12. Way Out There - Ford 100%, yeah. Doesn’t even need explaining. Though I wanna highlight the lyric line, “if you don’t know my name you know it now”. Huehue.

Could also be a Stan song, since he’s a hero that saved the world, “there are many more flames when mine is gone" + “they will build me no shrines and sing me no songs” lines, since no one outside of his family even knows that Stan is a world saver. The irony that Ford is a world ender and Stan is a world saver but if he’s reincarnated Bill then...

Could also be a Bill song. Depends on how you read it.

Could also be a combined Stan and Ford song about the decision to go on the Stan-O-War II trip. Or a Sea Grunks song about them reflecting on their lives, complete with them on the ship on an eerie, foggy night for full dramatic vibes.

Also, can I mention the very Gravity Falls feel of this track with the mix of warpy/sci-fi-ish elements with acoustic guitars? Yes, inject it into my veins.

13. Louisa - sort of Stan vibes in the first stanza, but the rest of the song is a love song, so meh:

“Good for nothing is the name they'll remember me by Done nothin' with my life for no one, I'm just waitin' to die I turned my back on the world”

It could also be a Sea Grunks song if you take out the romantic mush, especially since Ford’s return is like them both coming back from death, and it talks about not wanting to die but wander the world with someone again, but meh once again.

14. The Night We Met -

Sea Grunks all the way. Minus the actual night they met, because, well, that was as babies. Maybe metaphorically as their older selves meeting each other again after the Weirdmageddon stuff calmed down? Also take out the few romantic lines, of course.

[breakerwhiskey]

117 - ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

Well, here I am, just under the wire, broadcasting a few minutes before midnight.

It took me the better part of yesterday and today to find a car, load it up, get into LA, and try to figure out what neighborhood I want to stay in. And then to figure out from there what house looked like it might still have power or have the capability to have power.

I think I found a little spot in Los Feliz - Francis told me about this neighborhood once, and how much he liked it, so it seemed a good place to start as any. And it’s cute! I think it’ll be a good spot to settle in, it’s more or less in the middle of things.

I’m sure it used to take people hours to get to the beach from there, but with no one on the roads and no traffic laws to follow, it only took me about fifteen minutes. A straight shot down Santa Monica Boulevard.

That’s where I am now. The beach. I drove my car right onto the sand. Why not? There’s no one here to stop me. Though I guess I am going to have sand in my car now.

It’s…it’s something else. The Pacific ocean. I knew it was big but… (whistles). Right now? At night? It is unfathomably huge. Just…gargantuan. It’s like the Earth just stops, goes sailing off a cliff into utter darkness.

[click, static]

Five minutes to midnight. I guess it’s time for me to come up with some resolutions.

It’s already midnight on the East coast. Well past. Isn’t that strange. It’s already 1975 for Harry. It might already be 1975 for you too, Birdie. What are your resolutions?

Okay, I’ll start with the simple one, the easy achievable one.

Go to all contiguous 48 US states. I’ve only got thirty to go, I think I can manage that in twelve months.

And that brings me to the more complicated, much harder one: to find you.

We’ve been doing this dance long enough, Birdie. I think I’ve earned your trust by now, even though you keep breaking mine. If I have to drive all the way to Alaska I’ll do it. But I’m going to find you. I’m going to learn everything I can about radios, and skip, and I’m going to figure out how to track where you’re broadcasting from. And then you’re going to tell me what you know about what happened in ’68. And everything else that you’ve been keeping from me because it’s too complicated to explain. I deserve to know. Just on the merits that I’m one of the last people on earth, I deserve to know.

And I’ll—I’ll tell you about what happened back then. What I did. I’ll tell you everything, answer any questions you want. But we’ve got to do that face to face. Even if it’s still dots and dashes, or writing things down, or sign language—I’ll learn, I picked up a book on it a few states back—we’re going to be in the same room and we’re going to goddamn communicate.

But for now. I’m just going to sit here, looking out into endless black and listening to the waves crash onto the shore, the only indication that anything is even there.

[click, static]

Here, listen to the ocean for a bit. Maybe it’ll bring you peace like it is for me.

[ocean sounds]

Happy New Year.

[click, static]

[collecting-stories]

Question...? - Tom Davidson

Request: Question x tom davidson from walker indepence?

Summary: After leaving your home in Boston for a new life, a ghost from the past rolls into the same place and you can't shake the feelings you once had for him.

A/N: First time writing Tom Davidson or Walker Independence so hopefully did it some justice.

← Midnights Masterlist | TS Anthology Series →

✰ Does it feel like everything's just like, second best after that meteor strike? ✰

You’d chosen Independence and a job at Hagan’s Hotel because it seemed like a safe haven from your past life. As far away as you could afford to go. Somewhere that didn’t remind you of Boston or the east coast. Somewhere small and quiet and easy to hide in.

And then, three weeks into your new life a familiar face walked into the bar, a gold star shining against his black clothing and you felt the bottom of your stomach drop out. Maybe part of you should have known that running in the same direction he’d gone would have eventually led you onto the same path but you’d been hopeful when you moved out west that there was no chance you’d ever see the man again.  

Hagan’s was still something of a safe haven from the long arm of the law and the ache that always pulled at your heart when you saw him. If you just went to all the places he didn’t go, then you’d never have to have the conversation you’d always thought you wanted to have. You’d never have to wonder why he left (or at least you could tell yourself it had nothing to do with you).  

But peace never lasts, especially not when you know it’s running thin, “I knew it was only a matter of time,” you mentioned when Tom stepped up to the bar as you were working. He’d kept himself distant too, using Kate as a go-between. But the boxing match had been invigorating and the near-death shoot out a few days earlier had him thinking that maybe it was time he set down all the baggage that was keeping him away from you.  

“Before I came over here?” He asked, taking the drink you mixed him. A few people bumped passed him, congratulating the sheriff for the win.  

You hummed, contemplating what you wanted to say. It was true that you’d been waiting for him to finally come over and talk to you but after watching him in the ring tonight, it was another thought, one that surprised you, that was winning out. You’d always been prepared to feel nothing but longing for him and maybe there was still a piece of you that wished things had been different between you but then you’d seen the way he looked at Abby.  

“Before you moved on.” You replied, casting your gaze over his shoulder. The mysterious stranger from Boston, coincidentally, was standing near the piano chatting with Kate.  

“I don’t-” He began to say, looking almost guilty (whether about actually moving on or just being found out, you weren’t sure). 

“It’s alright,” you lied, “like I said, I knew it was only a matter of time Tom.” 

“What are you doing in Independence?” He asked, changing the subject abruptly. “Thought you were engaged to that broker from Philadelphia. Heard from your sister that you were planning on moving down there.” 

“I’ve been here longer than you have...when’d you hear anything about me?” You replied, searching his eyes for any hint of an answer. You knew he’d never be straight with you about things but you couldn’t help being caught off guard by his admission. It was after he left that your family had introduced you to the Philadelphian. “Keeping tabs?” 

“Came up in conversation.” 

“Course it did.” You rolled your eyes, unable to keep your guard up as you leaned closer to him, “You really screwed me over Tom.”  

“How’s that?” He challenged, taking a sip of his drink, “far as I remember, you were moving on the moment I left. Now you’re telling me about moving on as if I’m doing something wrong? So what if after all this time I’m not still waiting on you.”  

You faked a smile as someone came up behind Tom, clapping his shoulder and telling how impressive the fight was before offering to buy him a drink. You obliged, pouring the whiskey for him as the other man congratulated him again and finally moved on.  

Patron gone, you could speak freely, “I think you’re remembering things wrong. It was you that left...trust me, I’ll never forget waking up that morning alone.”  

Tom hesitated in his response, giving you time to walk away, grabbing drinks for someone else that had approached the bar, making small talk with a regular. By the time you looked back again, he was gone. The half empty glass of whiskey sitting on the bar and no sign of the sheriff in the weening crowd. You clutched the dish rag in your hand until you felt your knuckles turning white and heard Kate call your name, asking if you were alright. She was a keen observer and you almost wondered if asking her where Tom went would be a good idea. No doubt she knew but then she’d want to know why you needed to. And then you knew she’d pry, in that way she did that didn’t even feel like prying at all.  

As the bar started to thin out to closing, just the few stragglers that never knew when to call it quits and the actual guests of the hotel were left in the lobby, you passed the towel to someone else and excused yourself from serving drinks. It was getting later than you liked to be out but you weren’t done having a conversation with Tom. You’d both spent more than a month avoiding each other in a town as small as a block in Boston but he’d ended that when he approached you in the bar. Now you needed to know what he wanted to say because otherwise you were certain you would burst.  

Your mother always said it was the not knowing that killed a man and you supposed that was true about you as well.  

So, dark already settled in, you headed out to Tom’s dwelling, a lantern glowing in the window of the little house. He was home then, at least. It was hell walking the distance at night but you supposed you should’ve been thankful that no prying eyes could see you. The gossip would've been hell if they could. Might still be hell.  

“Tom,” you called out after knocking on the door and receiving no immediate answer. “I know you’re in there...can we talk?” 

The door swung open, Tom crowding the door way as he leaned against the frame, “what’s there to talk about? What’s left?” 

You weren’t really sure how to answer that. Honestly, what else could either of you say about what happened between you in Boston. All you knew was that he had finally started talking to you and you were terrified that he would stop. That’d you have to watch him with that Abby Walker or someone else in town that caught his eye and you’d be wishing it was you. Knowing that every man you’d been with came second to him, even after all this time.  

“I...” you paused, shook your head, tried to regroup. Tried to leave all the nonsense and bullshit out at the door and be honest with him, “I just wanna keep talking. I don’t want to stop hearing your voice.” 

For a beat, neither of you moved, just standing there in the doorway of his cabin staring at each other until finally he stepped to the side, just enough that you could slip passed him. So you did, and the door closed after you, latch locking it into place, keeping you and Tom from the rest of Independence, if only for the night.  

[starsarefire824]

Chapter 3: A Sea of Dead Corn

“Come on,” he says, waving Will forward.

Will is still standing next to the car, hands in his pockets and wearing a wary expression.

“Come on!” Mike urges again, feeling desperate to coax Will out of whatever cocoon he’s woven around himself.

“Mike—“ Will sighs with a nervous smile, looking down the road as if expecting something. “What are you doing?”

Mike’s eyelids flutter and he stuffs his hands in the back pockets of his worn black jeans. “A race,” he announces with a goofy smile. “We’re gonna race.”

Will ambles around the front of the humming car and snickers as he stands before him. “A race?” He asks, his thick, expressive brows going together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“You and me,” Mike answers matter of factly.  What else would he think? “I dare you.”

Before Will can answer Mike’s already counting down.

“Three!” Mike crouches slightly.

“Two!” His heart beats in his chest.

“One!” He pushes off! Running head on into the sea of dried corn. Mind blank and the dew already soaking the ankles of his pants.

“Mike!” He hears Will’s voice call out. “Mike—- wait !”

Mike is vaguely aware that Will is behind him. He’s running too.

“Mike!” He calls again, but Mike can feel Will at his back. He’s gaining on him. And so he pushes forward.

  Runs faster.  

“Come on!” He calls back to Will. “Catch me!”

Mike squints, ignoring how the corn stalks slice his bare arms, his cheek, and the skin along his ribs.

The light of the car has dimmed and he can’t really see in front of him. There’s nothing but the faded blue light cast from the sliver of moon left in the sky. Mike doesn’t know what he’s doing out here, past midnight on a school night trespassing in a forgotten field with the last person he’d ever expected.  Yet he is . And he feels alive for the first time in a very long time, and so he pushes forward. Revels in the way his body shivers at the cold and the dew and the stranger’s fingers tugging at his bicep.

“Mike!” he hears Will call once more before he’s tumbling, the sea of corn turning around him like a shaken kaleidoscope. He doesn’t know where he ends and the field begins, like when he was nine years old and got caught in a wave when his family went to the ocean on the East Coast one summer. He’s falling and he’s sure that Will is going with him. They twist and turn, hands gripping for dear life and legs flying over their heads.

[ranger-kellyn]

it's not exactly easy to sit here and type this up after two bad mental health days, but i'm doing my yearly tradition of sitting in lilsimsie's stream until it's midnight on the east coast, and have about ~40 minutes before this edible kicks in and well. better get writing lmao

looking back in my 2022 journal, i think it's fairly safe to say that the start of the year is always rough on me, mentally. we're officially in winter, and the seasonal affective disorder is in full swing, so like. i KNOW what's wrong. it happens every year. doesn't stop the low from kicking me in the gut, though

2022 has been a rough year. my job responsibilities have been picking up, we've been traveling more, and it's only looking to increase even further as i continue. and sure, that's the typical progression of a job regardless, it still stinks at times. the only thing that makes it manageable is the fact that i genuinely do like all my coworkers. it's always a good time when we go out for dinner and drinks when we're on travel, and the holiday party i went to the other week was a blast.

but 2022 has also been a bit of a...i can't think of the word. reckoning? the realization that like. (and DONT fucking come for me i KNOW i'm still very young but hang with me here) i'm aging.

and with aging comes different health concerns and whatnot. as much as i have the bad tendency to overshare on the internet, there's plenty i haven't really talked about, and i'm at a point where i really need to like. take control. before things get worse. two (or more honestly) health problems i've had this year are directly related to me having such a sedentary lifestyle. if i don't take control and start holding myself accountable to getting up and being more active, things are going to start getting bad.

i've already been trying to get up and do more stretches throughout my day when i can. it was also part of the "deal" i made with myself for allowing me to have my tv up in my bedroom. if i wanted to keep it up here, i have to do at least a few minutes of stretches each day, and so far it's never felt like a punishment, so hopefully i'll be able to hold myself accountable.

i'm also working on eating better. my aunt got me this super fancy rice maker for christmas, and it makes really good steel cut oats as well. there's not much i can eat in the morning without getting horribly nauseous, but oats seem to be the exception so. that's been nice to have! my first baby step goal with eating is to just. eat. 3 meals a day. they don't have to be huge elaborate meals, but at least something. from there, i can start worrying a little more about content. my other first goal is to try to ease off on the soda bc i KNOW i drink way too much. the last time i was able to cut it out was when i started by just. drinking a glass of water before i allowed myself to have the soda, so that's my plan for now.

also. cut back on the weed bc like...being high practically every weekend just so i can disassociate it away. is uh. Not Healthy, but clearly i'm not starting that one tonight dskflhk

BUT. enough about the negatives--

there were positives in the year, too. i moved to a bigger apartment. i got to travel to new places. i took my bestie to my cousins wedding and had a great time. i got to spend time with my friends. i went to a pride event at the science museum, and went to the My Brother My Brother and Me live show. i was fortunate enough to get tickets to see taylor this next year, nashville and two nights in seattle!

i also got a TON of writing done. i didn't finish my goal of finishing any of the three ongoing fics, but i DID get a lot of good writing done. after a multi-year hiatus, i was able to update Getaway Car with a new chapter before Midnights was released, and with only three chapters left to go, the end is within sight.

i've also done a ton of writing on countless other stories. i'm hoping i can carry this energy into the new year, and actually finish one of my fics in 2023 lmao

i'm also really hoping i can get back into drawing.

but anyways.

here's to hoping 2023 is a good one

[thetruearchmagos]

Sea Spray [ Part I]

Some of you might remember that, a long while ago, I wrote a little something for a dear friend of mine, set in the Setting he makes. This is a spiritual successor to it! Well, part one of that, but the next part isn't far off. Your welcome, Trasyn!

Tagging @lividdreamz @dogmomwrites @orphicpoieses @muddshadow @sanguine-arena @athenswrites @theprissythumbelina

"Eins. Zwei. Drei. START!"

Jager Jung Krause felt himself shoved into his cockpit like he'd been punched in the gut. An instant later, his AL-88 was hanging in mid-air, flung out by the steam catapult of the Blitzschlag-class Carrier Airship HAS Unerbittlich.

Krause yanked his flight stick close, pulling up and away from the carrier as the rest of his flight took their turns to be launched into the sky. He circled around the airship while waiting, taking in his surroundings as he climbed to forty two thousand feet.

The star filled midnight sky was clear as glass, perfect visibility for miles around and hardly a cloud at all over the open ocean. Speckled here and there like swarming bees were the two dozen other airships that made up the flotilla. A picket line of eight Tiger-Class Destroyer Airships formed up just below the clouds, a few thousand feet below, while the rest of them were fellow carriers spewing a steady stream of their own Al-88s into the sky.

"Festung Flight, this is Control. Form up at thirty thousand feet and head out over the invasion fleet. You know the brief, but weather's as bad as it was. Viel Glück, Glückliche Jagd."

Even from this altitude, that much was obvious. To the north, south, and west, the sky was as clear as promised, but out to the east, a towering wall of pure black cloud rose far and above even his airplane's altitude. Thick and rolling clouds which belched rain onto the waves below, crackling and buzzing with violent energy.

All in all, not good flying weather. Jager Konrad Siegert, Junge's wingman, who'd just climbed up into formation with him and the other two in the flight, summed it up well enough.

"Es ist tolles Badewetter!"

It took a good minute for the radio to clear up after that, mostly since Junge was too busy laughing.

------

"Doesn't look like the storm's clearing, Frau-leutnant."

Even to someone as typically optimistic as Marine-Leutnant Adala Maier, that much was obvious. Even as the transports were a few days out from the beaches, thick storm clouds blacker than a ship's smoke cloud had been gathering overhead. They hung like vultures over the ships of the Abteilung Wellenabwehr, as if they knew that something great was underway, and were about to make their presence keenly felt.

And of course, they had to wait until we got in the Seestiers to do it.

When the sky split wide open, it was as if the very seas themselves had been folded over and left to hang, before slamming back down below in a thick, almost solid wall of water and wind. Adala's platoon was the first to hit the water in their Seestier, and the twenty Coast Breakers would find themselves the last as thirty foot waves washed through vision slits and hatches and swamped the vehicle. It took the skill of the driver and lines of rope thrown from their transport, the HAS Stoisch, to claw the floating metal brick back into the well dock.

They'd been ordered to save the landing and fighting for a later date, a tall order for a Kustenbrucher, when the weather cleared up.

If the amount of seawater on the floor meant anything, that hadn't happened.

"Doesn't matter, Klaus. Tell the troops to prep up, we're driving up the beach in ten."

Marine-Sergeant Klaus Voght nodded through his bulky respirator, before clambering down from the raised crew compartment into the open air transport deck. Adala could tell he wasn't happy with that, and in truth neither was she. Still, there was nothing for it. The Stepmorians had those beaches, the AWA wanted them, and rain or shine they were going to get them.

Reaching into her padded, waterproof floating vest, she pulled out a simple silver pocket watch, scratched and tarnished all over. Adala might have reflected that the beat up old thing had seen about as much action as half her unit, but she had more important things on her mind.

Through the goggles of her respirator, she watched the hands move over that moon white face.

7:27

7:28

7:29

As the minute hand slid into 7:30, the whole world seemed to suddenly tear itself apart behind her, as the guns of the great armada at her back let slip the hounds of war. Five, eight, fifteen inch hounds, a warship's own weight in roaring metal flying through the air.

Back to back with the shells, rockets like screeching harpies lit glaring flares of red and orange as they thundered towards the landing grounds. Hundreds of them collapsing into a single hollow howl like a thousand wolves, a song of fire with neither start nor end, carrying forth their own gifts of shrapnel and shot towards their Stepmorian friends.

Adala heard a hard thud, and looked to see the crew next to her. The driver who'd saved their collective asses a few days before was banging the hull with a whoop, and the vehicle commander and two gunners had their fists raised and swinging about in the air, adding their own howls to the symphony.

Looking behind, she could see her platoon was not to be outdone. The younger one's especially, standing on their seats to watch over the walls of their transport to ogle and cheer as the falling hail of hell came down on their destination, and even the old salts like her couldn't help but smile at the sight.

Klaus was among them, keeping an eye on the troops.

"Aye, you think that's a damn show do you, Kinder?"

As if on cue, a low hum echoed through the stormy skies, a racket which soon grew into a deep and low growl like a great beast, then a thousand, rising from the sea. Or, coming down from the sky.

"Wait and see, and let the Abteilung für Wolke-Abwehr show you how it's done!"

------

When the guns and rockets started flying, Junge was grateful he was staying at such a high altitude as he was, even with the turbulence. He half wondered what a terrible force it took to make booms he could hear from forty thousand feet through storm and lightning.

Finally, after a thunderous eternity, the avalanche of fire was over. Time for him to earn his pay.

"This is Festung-Führer, descend to just below cloud and watch out for the bombers."

His flight's birds were flying lean, bare of any baggage save for a pair of hundred gallon drop tanks each which they dropped as they dove. As such, they were able to make the most of their airframes sheer power, and cut down through the air like hot knives through butter.

The same could not be said for the bombers, sibling AL-88s lugging a quarter ton of ordnance each. Rockets, bombs, in addition to their cannons, all of which would no doubt be appreciated by the troops down below, even if it left their carriers as agile as a pregnant duck.

Hence why Junge was here.

"Kontakt, just to the left and far ahead!"

It wasn't the first time he'd found Jager Freidhelm Leitz's inhuman eyesight a gods-damned miracle, and Junge doubted it'd be the last. Sure enough, perhaps a dozen miles out a vast swarm of black specks swirled round and round as streams of yet more funneled in to join it, as if to form their own gathering storm.

"Idioten, you'd think they've learned their lesson by now!"

"Klappe halten, Konrad, I'm trying to make us all triple aces here!"

"Herr-Junge, try quadruple!"

Now that Jager Adelinde Weber had gotten her jeer in, the flight of four made their way in for the kill, banking to the left and slowly cutting altitude. Engines grumbling out their full seventeen hundred horsepower like beasts on short leashes, the made out at four hundred miles and hour at thirty five thousand feet, in minutes the sky was thick with AL-88s like theirs.

"Tauchen, Tauchen, Tauchen!"

They came in right on time. The bombers, flying below them at just over ten thousand, started their attack runs while the landers were a few minutes off shore. The moment they dove down, the swarm of Stepmorian Seafoams, hopelessly outdated biplanes, broke up into haphazard "flying wings" and dove in towards the coast, racing to stop the strike aircraft.

They wouldn't make it very far.

Festung-Flight picked out one such wing for themselves, a loosely formed wide 'v' of perhaps thirty of the birds. With their slow speed, airframe of wood and canvas, and antiquated guns, it was hardly a contest at all.

Junge went left with Konrad, Adelinde and Freidhelm taking the right edge. Thin wisps of cloud and haze faded from view as the barreled down on their enemy, and in the final seconds of the dive the whole formation shattered as every pilot dived for themselves.

It wouldn't save them. As cannons barked and machine guns spat fire from Junge and his comrades' steel birds of prey, they were about to find out why the aviators of the AWA called them Klappernde Fallen.

------

CRASH

"Heilige Ellara, it hit the Wasserwand!"

At least, that's what Adala thought she heard. She was too busy slamming herself tight against the deck, and the sound of erupting aircraft and rending steel rather drowned out Klaus's words.

She took a breath before daring to take a peek over the hull, and saw just what she'd heard. Less than thirty metres away, the hulking thirty feet tall form of a Wasserwand Amphibious Mech was reared up on shore, lit by a brilliant red and gold flame that flickered across its boxy torso. And, embedded atop its hull, lay the wire and canvas form of what did it in.

"Verdammt, seems like their airplanes are about as deadly as their coastal defences!"

That got a small laugh from the platoon, before the ear shattering detonation of the mech's hull mounted rockets cracked across the beach, throwing the crashed bird into the sky with a chunk of armour plate. Somehow, the damned thing still found the power to crawl itself up the sandy beach on its tracks, until it washed up against a small alcove and roared back up the beach with its remaining triple barreled machine gun and mortar.

It wasn't alone up there, either. Scattered across a mile and a half of waterlogged sand the first elements of the invasion had made landfall, and were now fighting like demons to secure the beachead. In the distance, Adala saw lines of her comrades charge up the beaches, mechs hot on their heels and pouring forth fire. She could have sworn she even saw the heavy set forms of a Garakuta detachment with their crustacean like walkers running into the fire, and the living machines of the Mechanczni with weapons hot.

Adala's own platoon was just about there as well, and looking through her binoculars she spotted the patch of coast she'd be hitting.

"Alright, First Platoon, you know your drills! Mortars, vorbereiten!"

Less than five hundred feet of seawater left, and on the hills above pillboxes, trenchlines, and bunkers let loose a hail of lead that seemed to bend in the air towards her transport. The two gunners roared back their challenge, giving as good as they got from their double mounts and pouring fire into the defenders. Five more bunkers were silenced in a plume of fire by a passing trio of AL-88s shedding their loads as they turned back overhead.

Two pairs of her troops stepped to the front of the transport deck, before one from each knelt to the ground and pulled out a metal tube from their rucksack. The other slammed down a circular metal plate on the deck, and soon the tubes were aimed into the sky.

"Mortars, Feuer!"

In an instant, two small dots shot into the sky with a shrill whistle, followed less than a breath later by another pair, and another still. The mortar salvoes hardly compared to the world shattering barrage of the Fleet, but they weren't supposed to.

A plume of thick smoke appeared in the sand, spreading despite the heavy torrent to blanket the beach in impenetrable mist that hid them from view.

The Seestier hit the beach a moment later, the crash of its tracks hitting the sand sending its occupants backwards and throwing off the mortar teams. Having done their jobs, it didn't matter.

The endless roar of shot and shell only seemed to grow in ferocity as they clambered onto land. The driver didn't stop for a moment, carrying the platoon of Coast Breakers as far into the beach as it could, and the gunners gave the impression that they prefered death to running out of ammunition to fire.

The Vehicle Commander turned to her, gesturing at the beaches, then at the ramp at the back of the transport.

Showtime.

She turned back to the troops, stripped from their wetsuits and respirators, clad in all the wares of the Kustenbruchers. The veterans had looks of steel on their faces, the green troopers clutched at their carbines with expressions of grim fear they'd overcome.

Above, the air was alive with metal birds and metal shells, and streaks of fire falling from the heavens. Shells and screams washed over the beaches like tidal wave after tidal wave, and the only light through which they saw came from burning hulks of war.

"Alright, A- and B- Squads goes with Sergeant Klaus, the rest of you swing to the flanks and support with the mortars. Let's sweep those Stepmorian saftsacks of this beach!"

She left it to the venerable old Sergeant to give the last call.

"Was Wierden Sie Fürchten?"

"Sie Werden Uns Fürchten!"

[the-firebird69]

There's a huge number of things going on basically the announcement has caused people to check with their leaders and see what's going on. And the consensus is that they're leaving and evacuating to the south and west of the United States and taking their stuff with them it's not a ton of hardware it's like 1/3 of one of the attacks on New Vegas but it is a sign that they're leaving they will have no defenses and they'll have to leave they have only moments to decide to tell their people or not that's not true but it would help a lot and they're kind of fussing around with it. They're thinking if they're still here then it'll be easier to get their hardware out and the people don't like that and they're beginning to leave

-sales of homes skyrocketed over the past 20 minutes. They were hovering around 4.5% and now they're at 3.5% remaining only for houses and that includes duplexes but they're not rented. At this rate by 8:00 p.m. they'll be sold all of them to the three parties before said mentioned. They are also vacating the campgrounds and taking campers and trailer with them including like double wides and things like that they're cutting them in half and sealing them up and moving very fast by the way they said it has to be all out tonight at the latest midnight and they're gassing up they're fueling up they're having people check their axles and the brakes on their campers and they're doing it themselves and the greasing it if able to a lot of them are closed but they have to check and it's a big movement 1.5% is huge that's about what it is but there are campers everywhere and we didn't include it because of the pain and they're parked on their friend's yard or the family's yard the clans yard most likely and that's another 2% of the population those guys are packing up and it almost kind of packed up but they're moving stuff out of the house and all over Florida Georgia Alabama and anywhere on the East Coast no they're basically just vacating Florida and the surrounding areas these toast they think they're going to storm from the Midwest and upper Midwest and they have a plan and yeah these people are anus they don't they're heinous they don't account for people who are alone and afraid and powerful and it's really a flaw they don't they don't check capabilities at all so they're going to leave and then tonight no they're trying to move their stuff out now it's kind of hard because everyone can see it but that's the way it goes and really you can't really see it even Stan and you can't see that coming across and I didn't it's right at the ocean and really you can only see it from shore 10 miles away and he knows that and they're moving out and Tommy Allen too is the stuff is out of sight and miscellaneous they're all over the place now they're mostly in Miami and they move that stuff all the time it's not big and it is a sign and they're leaving and the Sun is going to be stuck here foreigners and us and Max and the clones will be in and out and yeah you need to hear this clones you're going to be shocked and you're going to try and bring stuff and you're not you don't have it you don't have a fleet they're going to take out the rest of your fleet cuz you're cocky and can't get it that you will and we're going to hit you too we hate you your imbeciles and you should leave like these people are we can hear you snickering and saying dumb s*** when the max were hauling people off and us in the foreigners to the furnace and you're just stupid

Thor Freya

Wow these people are dumb I noticed that too these people kind of stupid but holy s*** these clones are idiots he says they've been trained in brainwashed that's the way it goes and I understand that from birth but holy cow it's weird

Mac Daddy

Olympus

It's very odd but we're kind of grateful it changes happening it needed to and we are preparing

Hera

We have a lot of stuff going all over the world and it is pretty meaty and we're going to be okay but we got to move out right now I'm sending in suggestions to Olympus immediately

Frank Castle hardcastle

We waited for this day but now it's time to be real men and women and we have to face what we did before and a lot more sternly these toddlers are going to get burned out pretty quick and that's the clones

Duke nukem Blockbuster

We need our foreigners in right now we're going to have a meeting and we mean other races other than us who are mostly here

Thor Freya

We do have people but not enough and they want us to move in and he knows how and we think maybe barge is from Brazil and bring it apartments and this contracts for a whole bunch of them and we can bring what we can put them in place

Uriel and Goddess Wife

It's a good idea

Mac

I'm going to sit and meet about it right now we have a whole bunch of ideas like that

Bitol and Goddess Wife

[sh4m]

For those wondering, I live on the East Coast of Australia, this might help make things make sense later.

~

Watching the clips circulating from the Oscar's has lead me to look back on some things and have to come to terms with others.

Like how when I was younger I wanted to he an actor, not the big, well known silver screen kind, but the stage kind, the kind that only certain people knew about, but still cared enough to give a shit about.

No, this wasn't because of Hamilton, it was because of things like Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake piece, the one everyone knows, and Shakespeare, and this one scene from some kind of Cirque du Soleil-esq show where these two men are trying to give this woman on a balcony a rose, so they stack these chairs and tables and other things too, they stacked them up so high!

Just to give her a rose.. it was a while ago like maybe when I was 7 years old that I watched it at like midnight with my parents when i definitely should have been sleeping..

I did plays in high school and the drama teachers would always tell me about workshops and different shows that were on, and the shows would be amazing! And because it was usually a matinee with other schools, the actors and crew would let us ask questions and give advice and tips at the end of the performance!

My mother, however, wasn't too supportive. She would tell me that it was a waste of time and that the other people were better than i was, so I didn't go to the workshops and after a while I stopped asking if I could.

So I stopped trying to be on stage, and tried to do different things. I did art, music, sport, writing, I read more books, I played video games, and I started playing dungeons and dragons to try and make me feel better.

She didn't take me wanting to be a singer and a musician kindly either.

But working in around that kind of entertainment is addictive in a way, the lights, the stage, the thrill of getting it all perfect.. it's not something that can be forgotten either.

So I changed my craft! I started working doing tech and backstage stuff, I would haul around props and and set up stages, rig lights and sound, run cables all around the school hall, and sit in the wings during every performance and watch as it all came together.

And I was happy with that! Hell, I'm even doing a certificate course so I can do it professionally, any thing from live entertainment and music festivals to awards shows!

And then I saw all the speeches from the awards that Everything Everywhere All at Once won, and it made me remember something that I blocked out from one of the shows I acted in.

At the end, when everyone was leaving and people were saying the whole 'oh, you were so good!' to the cast, only a few non POC audience member that wasn't a teacher that I knew personally or a friend of mine said that I did a good job, nor to my Middle Eastern friend that was on stage the entire show. All the congratulations and 'good jobs!' that we got were majority from people of colour, people that looked like us.

I remember talking to the one of the leads after with their parents.. their parents didn't know I was in the play until the lead, a friend of mine, introduced me to them.. we had meet like 3 times before then.

After helping pack some things up and grabbing my stuff to leave with my dad, the music teachers stopped us to say that I did a good job and to chat too. One was a white, young, gay man, who everyone at the school loved and the other was a small, old, Asian woman, she was my first music teacher and the vocal ensemble teacher, I remember her asking what I wanted to do after school and when I said acting she asked if I wanted to do the film kind.

When I said I wanted to do stage acting I remember her eyes light up with excitement, and looking back what looked like hope.

I never had the heart to tell her that I gave up before moving to a new high school.

The Oscar's made me realised that I lost my chance to be under stage lights and that now I'll only ever be behind them. It made me grieve something I never had for the past 4 hours. I sarted crying about this at around 4am, it's 7am right now.

Now I've slowly come to terms with it, and have to leave for school in an hour, and funnily enough I have my entertainment course today as well.

We're doing our stage lighting module this term.

[steamishot]

eventful

life feels busy recently - last wednesday i hopped on a plane to SF. i was able to connect to the free wifi on jetblue and study/work on the plane. took a 1.5 hour BART ride by myself to meet G in pittsburg. G & D and doggie M live a very quiet life. G likes to operate with no music or sounds in the background. they also live in a very surburban area, where there isn’t much to do in their town. i was his sous chef haha. the stay there was completely peaceful and like a reset from the bustling NYC. by the second or third day, i got pretty bored and missed the city life. i always day dream about living in a quieter town when i am in NYC, but i don’t think i can actually stand being away from the city for too long. 

i met up with G & S at the start of presidents day weekend. i first met up with S and we stopped by for gas and some groceries before heading out to pick up G. then we went to a brunch spot afterwards and met up with L momentarily. we checked out muir woods, checked into the airbnb, and got bbq for dinner. the next day was more eventful. we got to ride horses around a vineyard. i didn’t expect to be scared, but i was quite anxious getting on the horse and being on the horse (my first time ever). it was similar to the feeling i had when i was snowboarding for the first time. they said horses are able to feel the human’s energy, and to try and deep breathe so they also remain calm. we checked out castello di amorosa and had a very nice dinner afterwards. 

that night, we were preparing to sleep early. G had got a last minute flight back to LA that departed at 7am. we were planning on heading out at 4am. matt called me that same night and asked me to stay on the phone with him in case he fainted. he was having extremely bad stomach pain, profusely sweating, and almost fainted on the way from the bed to the couch. i stayed on the line with him for about an hour until he seemed okay. i checked in with him at 4am PST and he was still feeling horrible. i called an uber to take him to the ER and subsequently bought a ticket back to NYC on our drive to the airport thinking it was very serious and he may have to be hospitalized. my flight to LA wasn’t until 1, so the timing worked out perfectly and i had bought a return flight to NYC for 8am. 

got to SFO, G went to american airlines, and i headed towards delta. checked my bag in. then matt tells me maybe i don’t have to go and he’ll be fine to fly out to LA as planned the next day. so, i backtrack to hunt my checked bag in. cancel my flight (that was purchased via ecredits, so i got all the credit back), and hung out at the airport/lounge until my original flight.

the next day (tuesday), my east coast bestie S&I were visiting from NYC and wanted to hang out. i got to see them for a couple hours and show them around my neighborhood/let them meet my family and baby niece before they had to go to the airport. it was nice that our paths got to cross in LA!

tuesday night, i took a nap and headed out to LAX to pick up matt whose flight landed around midnight. we spent the night at my brother’s house. he was still in a lot of pain/scared of passing out, but did not want to let his parents know and have them worry. wednesday, we spent the day at my brothers. my parents came over and made chicken rice dinner. my bro, SIL and baby were flying out to cambodia that night for a 3 month long trip. matt’s condition was still worrying so i texted his dad to let him know that he might need to get checked out at a hospital again. they freaked out and called me immediately. 

thursday, went to the DMV and got my licensed renewed - will be getting a real ID. the process took longer than i thought even though i had an appointment. took my parents out to eat american food using the app inkind $25 off $50 - using the hacks i learned in NYC here. 

friday, went to get a physical at kaiser and my blood drawn. i hate blood draws but it was ok. i have elevated LDL. this, along with matt’s health scare, will hopefully force us to change our diets/lifestyle. he’s forced to eat healthier now, we’ve basically been having “cheat” meals everyday. i hope he can also cut out coffee because he has been relying on an insane amount to get by. 

this week’s weather has been odd. raining all week minus sunday.