#still WHOLEHEARTEDLY believes she's in the wrong for it. like two wrongs don't make a right.

[moe-broey]

I was maybe halfway into this when I realized this could have been an edit but. Can anyone hear me

[suni-writings]

Running out of time. | part 3

jude bellingham x fem!reader

When two people who didn’t know how to love met at the perfect timing to ruin each other.

part 1 | part 2

wc: 2.9k

(content warning: angst, troubled relationships, situationship, slight mention of suggestive content, [sort of] unrequited feelings, hurt/comfort)

hope you enjoy this last part as much as i enjoyed writing this little story. don't forget that requests are open!

‘hey :)’

‘gonna keep leaving me on read?’

‘guess I’ll keep your coat with me’

She sighed when she read the texts. Jude was trying to reach out to her every day. Of course, his scene at the bar was more than enough to keep the man she was seeing far away from her. On one hand, it was Jude’s fault. Who would want to be Jude Bellingham’s competition? On the other hand, it was her fault. Her fault because she not only listened to his words, but also obeyed him. One thing Jude got right — it seemed like they weren’t done. Not yet at least.

She thought she was over him; she really did. She had put her life back on tracks — everything she had left on hold because of whatever happened between her and Jude, she went back. To her numerous projects, to her podcast, to writing articles about sports. To her friends, that she seemed to have disappeared a little bit of their lives. To focusing on her upcoming university semester, which, despite the good grades the previous semester, they could be better.

She had liked Jude wholeheartedly, she believed. She could have ended up loving him, if things had kept flowing the way they did when they were alone. She had allowed him to come over to his place, to know her routine, to know her. Told about her life, about her previous relationships, about everything that hurt her. She allowed him into his life with open arms, with him saying he would always be honest with her. Not that he wouldn’t hurt her, but he would be honest.

Hurt was something that came with liking someone; it was inevitable, especially when it came to her. Anxiety always took over her whenever it was about romantic matters, as if searching for any excuse to jump off; to just not be there, to not be vulnerable, to not allow anyone in. To be alone, something she had mastered.

She had trusted Jude, and he broke her trust. It was as simple as that. And now, he was trying to right his wrongs.

And she was confused; she didn’t know exactly how she felt about him. She had spent over a month assuming things about him, ruining the previous image she had of him being someone she could rely on, someone nice, someone that cared about her. It was replaced with thoughts of him being a selfish, almost sadistic person, as if he wanted to see her feeling bad — although she never gave him the delight of knowing how much harm he had caused.

Now, it was hard to identify the person he was being, to the person he was, to the person she assumed he was. The lines seemed blurred, and she didn’t have any evidence to support any feelings besides his ridiculous attempts of making conversation. It truly surprised her that he didn’t attempt to come over, respecting her privacy and her desire to be far away from him.

Perhaps, that said something about him.

Her phone buzzed again, and she rolled her eyes as another text popped up on her screen.

‘texting you before the match’

‘need my lucky charm’

‘can you reply at least once?’

‘can you fuck off?’

‘well, better than nothing’

‘hi, princess’

‘when are you giving me my coat back?’

‘does that mean you want to see me?’

‘no’

‘I’ll return it when you want to see me’

‘I might hate you, you know’

‘nah, you don’t’

The way he could easily get reactions out of her was annoying. She was so used to being logical, to keeping her composure, to being someone who would hardly react to anything at all. And yet, ever since they broke thing off, he could get her snapping in a matter of seconds. She knew Jude liked it — perhaps, it was his way of knowing she still felt something, despite not even her knowing what she felt.

She didn’t want to let him in once again, since she didn’t have the assurance that she wouldn’t be wrecked again. And being his friend was out of the picture – she couldn’t even think about the hypothesis. Jude knew her body with the back of his hand and the tip of his tongue. Not to mention how hurtful it would be if he ended up treating her better than he did when they were together.

She couldn’t afford to be hurt again.

So, she just decided to postpone whatever conversation they could have and slowly digest her feelings about what happened, about what was happening and about how they were. Associating the past to the present before deciding.

It was a quiet night; she didn’t like nights like those because it gave too much room for her thoughts. She tried distracting herself by reading, trying to watch something and even cooking �� only to watch her fail every single one of her attempts. Jude was constantly on her mind, especially now that he had stopped texting her for a week.

Maybe he had given up.

Maybe he had found someone else.

Maybe he realized how famous he is and how he doesn’t need you at all.

Every single thought of hers, when it came to him, seemed too hurtful. She didn’t even know why she was so pressed that he wasn’t texting anymore when she had only been leaving him on read. Did she care? Was it bruised ego, or did she actually have some hope? She didn’t have an answer for any of her questions.

When she heard a knock on her door, she didn’t realize how late it was or how, in no way, it could be one of her friends deciding to bother her because she hadn’t been replying. That happened whenever she was too contemplative, and they were used to that. She just automatically opened the door and her eyebrows raised at the sight.

Jude was standing there, with a grey sweater and matching sweatpants, and a black beanie on. She was taken aback, suddenly remembering how comfortable he used to dress whenever he would come over, because he felt comfortable with her.

“You’re drunk.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a statement. She was sure she could tell if Jude was drunk or not from a mile away — he would always have a huge grin on his face, his eyes would become smaller, and he would always tilt his head whenever someone would speak to him. And, of course, the fact that he wouldn’t be standing there if it wasn’t for the alcohol.

“I scored the last match, the one I texted you before,” he said, his voice slightly dragged. He was drunk, but not that much. Good to know. “Did you watch it?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, leaning her head on her doorframe.

“I didn’t,” she confessed. Why did she feel bad about that?

“You didn’t,” he echoed and licked his lips. “I scored.”

“I know,” she replied. Every time he scored ended up all over the internet. There was way she wouldn’t know.

“For you, I mean. I blew a kiss to the camera, but I know you wouldn’t see it. Not when you didn’t even want to reply to me.”

Guilt washed all over her, even if she knew Jude didn’t blame her at all. He knew he was just dealing with the consequences of his actions, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Then again, what would ever stop Bellingham from trying anything? He was used to falling and getting up. To losing and keeping his head up.

Maybe that’s what he meant when he said he’d show me what’s in store if I wanted war, she thought. He knew he had lost the battle, but not the war.

The cold breeze blowing on her face brought her back to reality, and she realized she couldn’t leave him on her doorstep. She could, actually, but it wouldn’t be right of her. Not when he was drunk, vulnerable and something could happen. She’d rather have him inside her house than to let him wander the streets in that state, given who he was.

“Jesus, Jude,” she sighed, shaking her head and signaling him to come in, which he happily obliged. He stumbled until he managed to find his way to her couch. “Are you cold?”

“Not at all,” he shook his head and she nodded. “But could you just— sit next to me? Please.”

Truth be told, she never had to deny him much stuff. But she had learned that, even the little things she had to deny seemed hard to say no. And she found herself once again, in the same situation. She knew she could get hurt.

And yet.

Maybe there was a reason why she couldn’t deny him that. A reason why her feet were making their way to him, despite her heart pounding in anxiety and fear. Maybe, just maybe, there was a reason why she was choosing to walk to him instead of succumbing to her fears and shutting him off.

As she sat next to him, she noticed the way he looked at her; even drunk, it seemed like he was analyzing and memorizing every detail, every freckle, every single portion of her face. As if he didn’t know when it would happen again.

How wrecking must it be to adore someone and not being able to see them; to yearn in silence. To accept the fate and not try to change it. To accept any crumble that could come to you, because it would be better than nothing. Because even hurt would be better than indifference.

Amongst many things she had learned about Jude, she knew he didn’t accept fate. He didn’t believe in it. He believed he had control over his choices and everything that happened after that were nothing but consequences, which he could also change the course of. It hurt seeing someone who was always so self-assured suddenly show such an insecurity.

However, that was something she would’ve never noticed if she didn’t know him that much.

“I like you,” Jude said, still looking at her. For once, it didn’t seem blurted out — no, it seemed like something he had been thinking about for a long time. Nothing like the other times she heard that, no spontaneity in his voice. “So much. Hence why I tried so hard to at least get you to talk to me. It’s not about not being able to live without you, it’s about knowing my life could be so much better with you in it. Although, I must admit, I don’t do a pretty good job living without you.”

She stood quiet, suddenly catching herself also analyzing his features. He was still as beautiful as she remembered, unfortunately.

“I hurt you, I get it. I do. I broke your trust and, apparently, I can’t win it back. I’m in a losing battle every time I even think of texting you,” Jude let out a sad chuckle, his hand caressing her cheek softly, as if she could disappear at any moment. “I like that about you. Your judgment of knowing what serves you and what doesn’t. You said you weren’t the love of my life, but God, you could be. I’ve felt like I was too young to say that out loud, but it’s hard to not have thee thoughts when I’m miserable without you around.”

There was so much she wanted to say; like everything he said could just be a result of his wounded ego, or that she only served to caress his ego. Like it didn’t make any sense to her him even considering her the love of his life after how things had played out between them. But above all, she wanted to say how much her judgment was broken, because, at that moment, she didn’t know if she was doing what served her or not.

But, instead, she just leaned her cheek against his hand and gently shook her head.

“You’re drunk, Jude,” she whispered. “You have no idea of what you’re saying.”

“I’m not that drunk. Just enough to gather courage to come up to your house and overstepping a boundary. I know I overstepped on a lot of your boundaries that day at the nightclub, but I was also aware of how much it hurt you. I wouldn’t even think of not leaving you alone if I didn’t drink, and I really need to pour out my heart to you. If this must be my last attempt, then so it be. But just listen to me, please.” He begged her. It broke her heart to see that, in the end, he was just as wounded as she was.

They had met each other at the perfect timing to ruin each other; when neither of them wanted anything serious, when neither of them could commit to one another. When both of them were so bruised by past relationships that it’d blind the present and destroy what they were building. At least, that was how she saw it. She knew she had barely let herself enjoy it, always waiting to be hurt, always wanting to predict so she could leave before.

What a pathetic, yearning mess they had become.

“Okay,” she nodded slowly as his thumb ran through her cheek. “I’ll listen.”

He took a deep breath and stared into her eyes, admiring their shade and getting lost for a moment.

“My mum always told me that what was meant to be mine, would be mine. Close to the ‘what’s bound to happen, will happen’ kind of discourse, but not quite. The same way she always told me that what goes around always finds its way back around,” he tilted his head and sighed. “I know I’m paying for what I did; I don’t blame you for acting the way you have been or for trying to get over me because I’d do the same. I’d get over you if I could. But my mind just assumes that you’re meant to be mine. That, if I work hard enough, if I show my efforts, if I keep falling and getting up, at some point you’ll see that too. But it’s not football, you’re not a prize and I’m not really taking what you feel into consideration when I think that way.”

His hand traveled from her cheek to her hair, gently caressing it.

“The truth is, I can’t get over you. And I’ve been trying to right my wrongs, but at the end of the day, it’s all up to you. Despite of what I do and what I don’t, it’s your call. I’ve been at your mercy for so long and I don’t even think you’ve realized that,” he spoke, his voice shaking. She had never seen him so vulnerable. “I’d do anything to have you with me once again. I never took you for granted, though I know it seemed that way. I knew what I had; I knew I wouldn’t find better. You had warned me. I adored you then, but I let everything get in the way, my job, my past, my insecurities and I ended up wounding you. I made some decisions I regret, I acted selfish, but I swear to God, I still adore you. Even more than I did back then. It’s so much more than liking and I’m tired of pretending like it isn’t. Of acting nonchalant about it. If you’d ask me to commit here and now, I would. I would promise I’d never break your trust again if you’d let me in.”

He looked into her eyes once again.

“I’m at your fucking mercy,” he whispered. “And, looking back, I don’t think there ever was a moment I wasn’t.”

Jude’s words flooded her senses. As she tried to digest, she realized she knew the answer to this all along. She knew the answer when she suggested a break to be considerate about his feelings; she knew the answer when he had walked up to her while she was with someone else, and she didn’t ignore him. She knew the answer when she obeyed his only request. But especially, she knew the answer from the moment she had chosen to sit next to him instead of making him leave; the moment she chose a maybe instead of a certainty and let him stay.

In a loss for words, she suddenly held him tight. Dumbfounded, it took a while for him to wrap his arms around her; however, when he did, his head fell to the crook of her neck, and he inhaled her scent he had missed so much as she kissed the top of his head. The yearning and the waiting were so much that she didn’t even realize what she was missing until he held him again, a single tear falling down her face.

“Jude?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah?” Jude replied, leaning away just enough to look at her face and wipe the tear with a concerned glance.

“Do you think you can repeat all of that to me tomorrow, when you’re sober?” She asked and his face lit up.

“Tomorrow. The next day. The day after. Whenever you want me to say it.” He replied with a huge, genuine smile as his arms were still wrapped around her waist. She knew she would be fine. She knew they would be fine.

For once, she chose her peace instead of battling wars inside her head. For once, she chose her emotions against her logic. For once, she was willing to not run away.

“I’m not letting you go again.”

[codenamethebird]

More Hades 2 rambles from me! Though this time round it's a continuation of a point I made in this post.

Specifically, that I think the final boss of the Surface will be a living human mortal.

A couple people on that post disagreed that it would be a human, mostly just because of boss fight mechanics. Which I do get, but this is my not so little refute of that idea (all in good fun of course, I very well might be wrong! I just have thought a bunch about it since then and wanted to ramble about it).

I'll be getting into later how the game could have a hard mechanically satisfying human final boss later, because first I want to talk about how it would make sense naratively. Not because anyone remotely argued this point, I just think it's interesting haha.

So let's go back for a moment to Hades 1, and it's final boss, Hades himself. On a mechanical sense, it makes total sense, Hades is the god and master of the underworld Zag is trying to escape. He would be the final obstacle. But what really makes Hades work as the final boss, is the story and emotional reason he's there.

The plot of Hades is ultimately about Zag's messy relationship with his dad. And that final boss fight is an ongoing conversation with him. While irl you and your questionable dad constantly fighting to death is not a great way to fix your problems, these are weird bound to underworld greek gods. Death is their weird love language for like half this cast haha. There is a reason Death is one of, if not the main love interest.

Okay now that I've established that, let's look at the one final boss we do know from Hades 2, Chronos. Now it's Grandpa's time to shine. Unlike Hades 1, he fits a lot cleaner into a more traditional villian role. The monster who literally takes over your house and takes your family hostage.

In that way, it is a personal fight for Mel to save her family, but Mel lacks a specific personal connection to Chronos himself. Obviously there's the whole Grandpa thing, but she wasn't like raised by him or anything. He is a convient big bad she can hate simply and wholeheartedly. While he does try to challenge her beliefs at times, Mel will never listen to him because of the whole family kidnapping thing, and Gramps equally doesn't want to engage with her either. He just wants to be a dick to her.

While I'm a firm believer in the "We (the gods) are actually the bad guys" theory, I don't think Chronos is secretly an angel. He did you know eat his kids and that entire scene with Hades and him just reeked of shitty dad vibes. While Chronos might be better for humanity, I think he really is using them as a prop and doesn't genuinely care about them. (This is a derail, but I do think the human army side of things including Prometheus will turn on Chronos at some point. Specifcally that they are already planning to).

But yes, basically, while I adore Chronos as a villain, you get none of the character growth from either party that you got between Zag and Hades in the first game. Obviously, we are still in early access, so there's more dialouge to be had. But from what we have seen, those two are not changing the other. So this is my roundabout way to say that must mean the Surface boss is the one that is going to be all about Melinoe's character growth.

I don't think I need to explain why fighting a human would be a fascinating place for character growth for humanities #1 hater Melinoe. Mel's the Hades equivalent in this game (not the Zag), who will not listen to anyone who disagrees with her. Getting beat up by a human might actually start to get it through her head.

But also I want to dig into why I don't think the final boss will be another Titan. I've seen Atlas thrown around a bunch as a possible final Surface boss. Also Typhon... I'm certain there are others. But I don't know what they would add to the narrative, especially as a final boss? I think there's more evidence for Atlas, so I'll focus on him.

It would make some sense, he was the leader of the titan rebellion and much like Prometheus, in certain versions of the myth he was also freed from his punishment by Heracles! Which considering Heracles suspicious lack of dialouge so far, and the dialouge he does have being a god hater, I do think he's the one who freed Prometheus in this game.

But other than those connections, what does Atlas add to make him an interesting antagonist to Mel? He's not particularly tied to humanity, and while his punishment sucked he did lead a rebellion against the gods (and traditionally the reasons have nothing to do with humans).

Mostly, in my opinion, if the game was going to have a titan also be the final boss for the Surface, it wouldn't be Atlas. It would be Prometheus. He's the powerful titan who has a legitimate gruge against the gods and who can engage with Mel in interesting ways, challenging her stance against the gods. But they have already used Prometheus, I don't know how they could write Atlas (or whatever titan/god) in a way that would be more interesting than Prometheus, and rival the Hades boss fight for thematic weight. Also, it would be 2 titans in a row, which isn't nessisarily a bad thing, but still.

I've also seen people throw around it might he Ares, which I will admit would I would be way more excited for that another titan. Theres some interesting ideas to be had with an Olympian who has betrayed the gods. But we already have dialouge with Athena where she says how Chronos' armies motivations wouldn't line up with Ares'. And I feel like going from a dude only obsessed with war to someone fighting for some kind of higher cause would be a jump in character. Not impossible, but a little weird.

And ultimately, I just think that a Human would serve the purpose better as an antagonist to Mel who would shake her worldview on living mortals in particular. A fight with Ares would mess with her relationship with the gods, but not as clearly with humans.

Okay now that I've talked about themes, how about what people actually had an issue with lol, how would a final boss with a human make sense from a boss fight perspective. I have three main ideas, that don't really contradict each other and could all exist in the fight.

1st idea: multiple enemies. We've heard that there are human armies, the final boss could possibly be a leader of them. We could have hords of enemies, could have select recognizable commanders that have different skill sets, etc. None of the Surface boss fights have multi bosses in them (they have random mobs but none like the sirens or Theseus and Asterius), so I don't think it would be strange to have it. And while stretching the definition of a human boss a bit, these other bosses could be ghosts and other kinds of beings (I just think the main boss should be a breathing human).

2nd idea and tbh my main one. Have them be a Witch! Or some other kind of magic user. I feel like this should be obvious, but a lot of the theming around Hades 2 is witchy/magic stuff and it's wild we don't have a major witch enemy yet (other than obviously Hecate, but for obvious reasons I don't count her).

I'm thinking some kind of High Priestess of Chronos kind of character, we still don't know exactly how Chronos was revived and this could tie in, but there's a bunch of ways you could spin a magic user! I think it would be a prime place to put a narrative foil to Melinoe. A fellow Witch whose family was stolen away by the gods who is looking for justice. Maybe when finally looking into a mirror, some of the stuff Melinoe's been told will finally breach her thick headed skull haha.

I don't think I really need to get into the technical about how a witch fight could be cool. But one idea, tying into my first point, a magic user could have mind powers and compell powerful beings to fight for them. This could be the Zag boss fight of borderline crack theories or even maybe the aforementioned Ares who maybe got captured during his war path. A magic fight doesn't need possessed enemies, but it could be cool.

And finally, my 3rd idea. You might be going, but how could a human be more powerful than Prometheus? Well first point magic, but more seriously, just have them be boosted by Chronos and/or other allies. I mentioned a theory about a high priestess sort of character (the power of God and ani--), but more specifically, if they do go the route of a foil to Melinoe, she has her boons from the gods. Much like Theseus in Hades 1, the final surface boss could gain the boons of Chronos/Prometheus/and the like. Maybe even a Chaos boon, they have already aided Chronos once, and there's a decent chance the humans might betray Chronos at some point so Chaos might be chill with them. This could also be a way to introduce more titan characters and the like without needing to make models for them haha.

But yes, tldr, magic human gives us both the thematic weight of it being a human, witch stuff to parallel Melinoe, and just cool powerful magic fight as a final boss (and it could parallel the Hecate boss fight, the first boss u fight and the last being magic based).

[offtorivendell]

On Elain, Gwyn and their apparent romantic worthiness.

TW: mentions of death, violent or sexual assault, infertility and pregnancy/childbirth related trauma. Please do not proceed if these topics bother you.

Disclaimer: please, please engage with this post with kindness. I promise I am not writing it to stir the pot, but because I - and many others - are fed up with seeing hurtful and harmful rhetoric spewed by the fandom, yet having no back up when dealing with it. Word vomit incoming, I'm sorry. This has been bothering me for a while.

My love to everyone who has been hurt by things they've read in this fandom. 💜

It's 2024 and I cannot believe we are still seeing posts, almost daily, about both of these women; all giving reasons why they cannot possibly be with Azriel. And I don't mean the debatable but utterly harmless discussions about Elain not looking good in black or Gwyn blabbing to Merrill when asked not to. Whatever, go nuts. I mean the truly horrific takes based around things these two women have had no control.

Now, my post history makes it very obvious where I stand in terms of ships, and yes, I'm well aware I've spoken before about the inherent power imbalance - that I perceive - which would exist if Azriel ever became involved with any of the priestesses in the women's shelter he is charged with protecting (to be clear, that's not me suggesting that Gwyn and her story isn't powerful, or powerful representation to those who see themselves in her, nor is it personal to Gwyn, or indicative of any of the sheltered priestesses and their ability to heal; it's purely a function of Azriel's position of authority over their sanctuary). I want to reiterate that my stating my feelings about this was never done with the intent to shame people who do ship them; we all ship who we like, and real world ethics should rarely come into it.

That being said, the following, in my opinion, is one of those times.

Firstly, I just want to say that lived experience informs how we interpret fiction, so please let me clarify something: the people who have said that they don't think Gwyn is ready for a relationship yet, and that NSFW fan art of her with anyone makes them uncomfortable, are not in any way in the wrong. They're simply the other side of the coin to those who find it empowering, and both are valid responses, often related to personal trauma. The problem lies with those very few who say that Gwyn could never have a romantic relationship, and call those who talk and/or post about it "gross." Some have called her "damaged goods." This is absolutely wrong and whoever is doing it needs to stop.

The entire fandom, even those who find romantic or NSFW content involving Gwyn uncomfortable to consume, frequently acknowledges that her trauma doesn't define her, and of course she should be able to enjoy love whenever she feels ready for it. Those who say otherwise are readily condemned from all corners. I've seen it happen and called the people out myself, as have many other Elriel shippers when necessary. However, Elriels are still very regularly and very publicly blamed for the actions of a few (some of whom I truly believe are burner accounts wanting to cause chaos, with their Elriel themed usernames and no post history), despite our largely collective action to call them out when we see it.

Could we do better? Absolutely, but so can you!

Because, on the other hand, I've noticed that, whenever I or others have tried to explain why the pliable bones "theory" - which attempts to reason that Elain could never be endgame with Azriel, as she and any baby would die during the course of pregnancy or childbirth - is equally as harmful, we are met with people publicly and wholeheartedly refusing to understand why (especially recently). Some horrific comments have been made to my friends, not to mention all of those I see well after the fact, which are never widely condemned by any but us. People will argue back that we're wrong, and have even suggested we're weaponising infertility! On Mothers' Day, of all the fucking painful days to say that.

Some of the push back I've seen recently includes:

"Nobody has said Elain is infertile."

No, nobody has, and that's not what we're saying or have ever said. We know you don't think this, as the Elucien fandom loves to write and draw Elain and Lucien's hypothetical future children (which is super understandable, as this is a romantasy fandom after all - no shame, enjoy your warm fuzzies).

What we are saying is that, if it's true that Elain's anatomy wasn't changed as Feyre and Nesta's was - and to be clear I cannot stand that entire plot, I wish SJM had chosen literally any other reason why Feyre's pregnancy was dangerous, as it is simultaneously degrading and doesn't fit with her previously established lore - then Elain and Azriel, together^, would be functionally infertile. Yet it's only ever framed as Elain's body not being able to work with Azriel's, never the other way around.*

^Why didn't the bat boys have to sacrifice their wings to keep their wives/mates safe? Why did the women have to change their anatomy? Because it would make it harder for them to be all powerful? Well Nesta sacrificed her powers! Why not just have Feyre be cursed by an enemy or something, and Nesta found a way to use the Dread Trove to save them all. Ugh. I love SJM's books, but this was such a miss.

*HOSAB/HOFAS SPOILER: funnily enough, this was never said about Ruhn and his eventual mate, even though he actually did think he may be unable to father children, thanks to the Oracle's prophecy. People shipped the hell out of him and a couple of different women throughout the CC series, despite the chance he could never get them pregnant.

"People haven't called Elain damaged goods, so it's not the same. We're allowed to not like her."

My faerie porn* lover in christ, what the fuck do you think the pliable bones "theory" is actually doing? It is suggesting that Elain's hypothetical inability to survive having children with Azriel, and for those children to also survive childbirth, is impaired. Ergo, she's damaged.

We don't care if you don't like Elain, we're allowed to have different preferences in characters and ships. That has never been the problem.

*I use this term with affection as a great lover of the genre.

But "damaged" vs a functionally "impaired" uterus? It's the same damn thing, and sorry, it's misogynistic af, not to mention ableist and homophobic at a minimum. In the same breath you are also reducing your favourite to her apparently functional uterus (even though the pliable bones argument is medically inaccurate, by the way - this is really damning of the state of health education across so many countries).

"Hahaha/lol."

Yes, I have seen people laugh and treat this as a joke. As recently as tonight, in fact. It's disgusting.

Regardless of your lived experiences and shipping preferences, both of these takes about Elain and Gwyn are equally degrading and horrific and need to stop, but if you're only calling out the comments that hurt you/your friends/your ship and not the others, then you should maybe attempt some basic self reflection and analyse those double standards you're carrying.

This entire fandom needs to do better. I'll say again, for the umpteenth time, to any of my fellow Elriels that if you think mocking Gwyn's past is funny, then you're not mature enough to read an adult series. But this works both ways, and if you think mocking infertility is funny/use it as a win, then you're just as immature. I would really and truly appreciate it if we were not left alone to argue over and over again why discriminating against someone who couldn't "have a man's children" is wrong, and why many, many people in this adult fandom - that is largely comprised of women! - might find such a theory, and the resulting discourse, incredibly upsetting.

Infertility hurts; not having a kid when you want one can be viscerally painful. Besides that, I know very few people who have given birth who don't carry around some sort of emotional or physical trauma from doing so. Treating a character's hypothetical infertility with one man as a joke is gross.

Please don't call Gwyn "damaged goods" or suggest that Azriel would choose somebody else over Elain because she couldn't have his kids.

They are the same thing.

It's not hard to be kind. Pain is not a competition.

We should all do better, and take care of each other.

[nnnn99999]

I want to share my interpretation of FadelStyle's sex scenes in the storage room, but before I get to the actual scene I need to establish FadelStyle's relationship arc so far. I won't go into detail about their attitude towards each other in episode 1 and 2 because @airenyah did such a great job of explaining Style's journey in this post and I wholeheartedly agree with everything she said.

To summarize, by the end of episode 2 Style is starting to sense something is off about Fadel and he is starting to want to connect to him, whereas Style manages to make past Fadel's defenses and enter his mind, albeit as a sexual fantasy. At this point neither of the two actively dislike each other as they used to before. Fadel still finds Style very annoying, but he is already starting to get used to it. Style still thinks Fadel is grumpy and rude, but he is intrigued by what lays under Fadel's mask. They don't really like each other, but they don't exactly hate each other either.

This dynamics continue in episode 3. As they meet each other more and more, Fadel softens up to Style as sees more of him. It's hard for Fadel to completely ignore the genuine care, concern and sincerity Style throws at him again and again. Style also starts to become even more intrigued by Fadel as he realizes just how deep the man is hiding himself. Not to mention the physical attraction between the two that very much exists and makes its presence known in the form of sexual fantasies.

When they actually hook up for the first time, there is only physical attraction that is driving their actions. As I mentioned before, they don't dislike each other, but they don't really like each other either. There is an emotional disconnect between the two. And I believe this is the reason this experience was not very fulfilling for either of them. Both of them seem to be the type to believe in having proper relationships instead of casual hookups, so sex without any sort of meaningful connection might be pleasant because of the physical attraction, but it's far from being able to make either of them feel content.

Comparing FadelStyle's first time to KantBison's first time makes this more evident. KantBison didn't even know each other's names when they jumped into bed together. But that didn't stop them from having a great time. They have no problems in finding sexual satisfaction without any emotional attachment. FadelStyle on the other hand seem to be unable to do that. It's a matter of preference, neither is right or wrong. The lighting choices in the two scenes also reflect the mood of the couples. For KantBison, it's a bright red-glaring, intense and passionate. The lighting is not warm, it's burning hot actually. Whereas for FadelStyle, the lighting is a cold blue, with no hint of warmth to be found.

In Fadel's fantasy, Fadel thinks about Style's interest in himself (his name and his tattoo). In Style's fantasy, Style imagines Fadel serving him with direct eye contact maintained at all times. Both of these fantasies further indicate to me that both of them crave a deeper connection with the other. And it's only when they find that connection that they can truly find sexual contentment.

I don't think Fadel meant to be that tender and worshipful with Style. I think he just couldn't help himself. Now that Style has had a taste of what it could feel like being with Fadel, he is not going to give up trying to make Fadel his. And Fadel has no way to defend against that kind of Style.

[iaminfourthwing]

The Generals Daughter

a/n: finally the first chapter is here and the next one is almost ready for upload. I apologize in advantage, because I am still a bloody beginner in terms of writing. still, enjoy!

Chapter I

Conscription day will forever be one of the deadliest every year, right before Threshing. Ever since the first time I witnessed this from afar I hate it with all my heart. All year I have the same “privilege”, how my father would call it, to watch the candidates, that passed the entrance exam six month prior, fall to their death. And those who survive the Parapet either graduate or going to get killed – due to other cadets or dragons. One wrong move and all you will be is dead meat.

Today is possibly my last day on earth. I have to cross the Parapet myself to get into the Riders Quadrant but according to the General, I will just do fine – I am a Melgren and I have ten years of training in my bones after all. I am still not so sure about this, but I have no say in this. Not anymore.

Somewhere in between these masses of candidates must be a certain other general daughter and I really fucking hope she survives this. Even though she doesn't look like she could kill a fly, I believe wholeheartedly in her. She is strong and if someone can do this, it's her, even if she doesn't knows it yet. I tried to talk to her mother but she wouldn't budge, nothing would change her mind. Even Mira tried it more than once and if the General isn't listening to her, then she won't listen to anyone.

The orders from my father five days ago were clear – wait till the end, when everyone else is done, then I'll cross the Parapet alone. On the other side at the entrance to the quadrant will wait a third year that'll bring me to formation into the Dragon Rotunda. Commandant Panchek is informed that I'll join the Quadrant and which wing.

And with that I am waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

I have a good spot to observe these kids, trying to survive this death trail and see some of them already fall. I don't understand how some of them want to become a rider after all. So many of them volunteer to join the quadrant while others don't have a choice, like me. Malek lingers at every possible corner and no one is safe from him. Having a dragon might be “thrilling”, how many officers describe it, but till you possibly get to this point you could be dead, or worse.

These dragons are terrifying, like that beast of a dragon my father bonded all those years ago, long before I was born.

The weather isn't in anyone’s favor today – the storm took a turn at some point. Even though the sunrise was beautiful, it left a bitter aftertaste as the dark clouds covered the sky. For some of them it was their last sunrise ever.

It's been more than two hours since the first one entered the Parapet and there aren't many candidates left. I make out a figure striking over the stones like they own this place and – did they just threw another candidate down?!

My heart starts racing, my breathing becomes uneven, and I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Shit, now?!

`Take a deep breath, Arya. You`ll do this alone, no one can throw you down and no one will interrupt you.’

I just really hope I`ll never have to meet this asshole. I may look tough and have more fighting experience than others, but those people are unpredictable. And I certainly don`t have my father’s signet to see if I could win a fight against him, so I really want to avoid this guy.

A knock on the door interrupts my train of thoughts and when I turn, one of the officers from infantry stands at the door. “It's time” is the only thing he says. Shit.

Around fifteen minutes later I find myself lingering at the edge of the Parapet. No one else is around, the officer walked away the moment, I stepped foot into the tower.

Only a few centimeters separate me and the abyss. Just a few centimeters left and then I'll be out in the open while the rain thankfully eases into a slight drizzle.

`Okay Arya – you`ve got this. Take a deep breath – and step forward.’

Well … it takes me about three minutes, with stumbling and cursing the shit out of every person that crosses my mind, to reach the other side and I am nearing the entry to the famous Riders Quadrant. Just like father told me, a third year is already waiting for me, looking annoyed. But it's not like he can disobey a direct order from above. “Finally, they are about to start” he grumbles. Hello to you too, grumpy, but I know better than to aggravate him, since he has a dragon that could incinerate me before I even have the chance to hide.

We make our way through the empty corridors of the college while I try to sort my thoughts. I really survived the Parapet and now I am allowed to call myself a cadet. Still alive and can't fucking believe I am now part of this hellhole. I already imagine the way the General will stand in his office and rant about how it was predictable that I would succeed. “She is a Melgren after all and it would have been a waste of time if she didn't survived.”

Faint voices in the distance interrupt my thoughts, which get louder with every step we take but before we can even walk out into the biggest courtyard one has ever seen, the chattering grows quiet.

“Three hundred and one of you have survived the Parapet to become-“

The third year, I have yet to know his name, and I interrupt Commandant Panchek, who stands on the dais in front of the cadets.

“I apologize, Commandant, but it's three hundred and two.”

There is a heavy silence that spreads over the rotunda. I stand behind the tall rider, most of the curious glances immediately find him, only a few of them spot me behind. Great.

[wonnieluvr]

okay i have to say i hate emily. shes a bitch and i hate what she did to jamie and gray but i cant deny her character is so fascinating. shes literally like if greed was a person?

dont get me wrong as much as i hate her i understand the whole risk taking thing and wanting those experiences she never got to have BUT saying that she didnt need two boyfriends??? she literally could have experienced all the same things she did with one. thats why shes greed. she just took and took everything. from both of them and rebecca too.

but i just dont understand why she had such an effect on everyone? like avery describes her as pretty but she also said she was nowhere near as beautiful as rebecca. is it because she was sick and everyone felt bad? but like even then i cant imagine emily being a pleasant person to be around so i dont get how she made friends with anyone let alone dated two people 😭 but that could also be because we never met her? like we don't really know anything about her which is also really interesting to me. we know of her but that's only everyone's versions of her.

on a different note i keep thinking about the way jamie and gray had different feelings for her. like i just think that while jamie did love her but he didnt love her, you know? gray did. i assume thats why jamie wasnt as affected by eve, he didnt love emily the same way gray did.

jamie feels that way for avery so while eves appearance surely shocked him it still didnt take over and bring up old feelings (for a completely new person lmao)

(i also do know that he knew about eve before but theres still something different between hearing things and seeing them)

jamie and avery are perfect for each other but thats a different thought too. i'm so glad they never really fought because of eve (thank god, i would have cried)

but back on topic, i doubt emily loved them back. like, i feel like its the sort of situation where she just wanted to feel wanted. she probably mistook that for love and assumed she wanted both of them? but its all she ever had growing up too? familiarity? like its suggested that her parents were completely focused on her their whole lives and loved her (she was their miracle baby sort of though so i do kinda get that) but also like i wholeheartedly believe everything starts with the parents.

they were such a big influence in her life, they gave her everything, sacrificed everyone and everything for her and kept her happy. this comes back to the greed thing too. they gave her this idea that everything would bend to her will and she would always get what she wanted. (if you can't tell i have strong feelings about the influence parents have and how they raise their children cus it literally dictates someones whole life until they have clarity smh)

i think the whole jumping off the cliff thing too was like her acting out. she reminds me of gray in that way, she was losing control and she needed to do something she wanted to regain it. she knew she couldnt handle it but she couldnt handle not getting what she wanted more. idk if that makes sense but shes like trying to prove to herself and everyone else that she was fine with jamie breaking things off, that she could handle not being wanted and adored regardless of her actions and she was losing control of everything ig? idk i just think its really interesting the way she took things to an extreme because i imagine she was probably trying to do something else, something worse than what she feeling to get it to go away? emotions are so interesting in that way.

like rebecca (in her mind) was turning against her, jamie was leaving her and her parents would have stopped her from going with gray if they had known and at the time that was (hinted at) being what she really wanted to do and they were all telling her no. she took the only thing she had left to control (gray) and was trying to prove she was fine.

i cant put into words how many layers all of these characters have like jlb wrote such a wonderful series and i cant stop thinking about all the characters. i have so many thoughts running through my head and i could write a take on everyone ☹️

[transingthoseformers]

OverpanKid!OP anon

Sentinel and Blackarachnia would have interesting reactions.

If Overpan figured out what happened on Aracha-7, Sentinel would be in deep slag. Thankfully, while they don't see eye to eye, Optimus doesn't want Sentinel dead, so while his parents are tearing into Ultra Magnus (not literally but the little twitches in Trepan's digits and Overlord's glare say other wise, though they can't act on it. While they are of neutral alliance and can't be prosecuted, Optimus isn't and they wouldn't put it past the Council prosecuting their son for their actions) Optimus pulls Sentinel over to the side like;

"Hey, I think we need to have a chat and bury a few hatchets before you get buried by them."

They have a long overdue conversation and who knew that the threat of your old pal's parents ripping you to shreds would be the key to healthy communication? There's still a long way to go for them but they've made up for now. Though upon learning Trepan - a mech with a very explicit reputation - was an Autobot, makes Sentinel a bit curious. He's been under the impression that their faction can do no wrong, but realizing this mech as committed atrocities that have been struck from the records, makes him wonder what else they've been hiding. (I like to believe that Sentinel genuinely believes in the Autobot cause, but he's so young and fully indoctrinated with the the wool pulled securely over his eyes, he's ignorant of the darker side of the Autobots. Trepan showing up is his glimpse behind the curtain. I don't hate Sentinel, he's a jerk and needs to learn his lesson, but I think he can be redeemed.)

Blackarachnia on the other hand, well, her mental state isn't the best, so she's probably gonna end up extremely conflicted once she learns that sweet, goody-two-shoes, Optimus is the son of two of the most terrifying mechs in the universe.

I'm sure I can figure out some way to reunite these three again. Sentinel's got a good start but Blackarachnia is gonna be tough.

Makes perfect sense, it's totally TFA Autobot of the autobots™️ to blame whatever Overlord and Trepan do currently on Optimus

Nice to see Optimus and Sentinel work something out... Even if it's under threat of two of the most terrifying mecha in the galaxy who just happen to be your friend turned rival's parents. Sentinel had to have been terrified lol

And you're right about Sentinel. He does honestly believe everything autobot wholeheartedly, especially after Archa Seven. This being a turning point in that could have interesting interesting results, especially as you put it tfa Sentinel imo too can be redeemed with careful work.

Yeahh BlackArachnia already had several reasons to be wary, but she's going to be Extra reevaluating her interactions with him after learning of his past before the academy. Though, considering their interactions in canon I think BlackArachnia is severely tempted to accept his help (at least that was the tone I saw in the show, with the whole tragedy angle— especially in the episode where she was working with meltdown and meltdown double crossed her) and considering bw BlackArachnia I feel like we'd definitely see her go through a redemption arc of her own (thought I don't see her becoming an autobot again. I've thought before about her declaring as neutral before though...) Her learning about Trepan and the worse sides of the autobots cannot help her opinions on them.

[thereisnolumos]

darklina thoughts: I wanted to get into the shadow and bone Fandom(books and show) because of the amazing gif set of the darklina kiss I saw

Like who are these two that are sharing such a beautiful kiss. And look so aesthically pleasing together with the darkness and light vibes. I was so excited to find out who these two were because these kind of ships are my everything. Than I find out and 😨😱😤😠🤬!!!!! It was like running full steam a head with tons of excitement and crashing face first into a wall when I find out everything about this Fandom. Both about the books and show. The author and this beautiful ship. And I'm like God why do authors do this ship. Tease us with everything we want and the full potential. But than do a completely one 80 and waste are time on things we don't care about, or find insulting or toxic, and tells us are tastes are dumb and toxic. So now I just read fics and look at beautiful art of Darklina and the potential they could have been. It's just so annoying because this stuff happens all the time!!! And don't get me started on what I heard about the author. I don't know if their true. And wish I could find out real stuff about her. But if it is. God she is so messed up for doing this to us.

I only got in the fandom bcs I randomly saw a teaser for the first season and Ben Barnes was there in all his dark glory. I knew nothing about the books, but the way that show was promoted I was expecting the epic dark romance, villain who’s not really a villain gets the girl all the vibe. Plus cool world build and complicated detailed story overall.

I got none of that.

That show was interesting and hopeful for the first 5 episodes (we will always have 1x05🖤). It wasn’t as detailed and complex as I expected, but it had potential and the main pair - the one they based THE ENTIRE promotion on by the way - was having one of the most fiery and spark inducing chemistry I’ve ever seen on the screen, so I kept my hopes up for the overall plot and focused on them. And then… then they backpedaled SO HARD on everything that made that show interesting for the broad audience, I wonder how they didn’t give themselves a whiplash… though considering the horrible quality of s2 they probably did

Though I didn’t like the way s1 ended, I still thought there is hope, and “we need a conflict for our main pair, I guess”. I truly, wholeheartedly believed that creators and writers of the show are not complete idiots and know how to read the room and what the most of their audience is there for, so that’s what they’ll deliver. But oh my, how wrong I was.

The second season is downright unwatchable with how horrifyingly terrible it is. I only suffered through the entire thing for Ben, who, bless his heart, tried his hardest to deliver the complexity and depth of his character, who he only agreed to play if they “won’t make him a cardboard villain”. And they did exactly that in s2, or tried to, bcs Ben Barnes and his talent didn’t let them, despite all their efforts. The rest of the cast I guess didn’t have enough experience to fix the worst writing imaginable with their acting, so most of the characters became absolutely bland and uninteresting and SO IDIOTICALLY STUPUD, I yelled at them constantly, scaring my cat the entire time.

Also, as much as I understand it from exploring the fandom, the creators and writers of the show are die hard fans of the Crows, and they don’t actually like Alina’s trilogy at all. So… why didn’t they just do the books they wanted I’ll never know. Instead, they forced the Crows in the plot they were never a part of (making all of them okay with selling a girl to slavery in the process. Despite one of them being the former slave and the other one being the one who got her out of it… make it make sense, I beg of you), in the second season they wasted SO MUCH time on their plot lines that 1)didn’t matter one bit for the overall story, 2)were absolutely uninteresting to everyone who isn’t the Crows fan beforehand. In the end we got half-assed Alina and Aleksander’s story with half-assed Crows’ story. They should’ve just made the Crows show, without touching Alina and Aleksander

I haven’t read the books, but from what I gathered in the fandom, though still committing the same sin of putting all the promotion and marketing into the Dark romance trope without actually delivering on it, and force feeding the fans one of the worst and most toxic pairings ever with Malina, at least Alina and Aleksander’s characters weren’t made so cardboard and stupid, and there was tragedy in their story, not the shit that they gave us in s2. Though I absolutely DESPISE the fact that Alina looses her powers in the end and goes on to live Mal’s dream life… Like WHAT THE FUCK?? What levels of internalized misogyny do you need to have as a woman, to write this plot line for your female protagonist???? I can’t.

On Mal’s toxicity: at least that made him a fleshed out character in the books. Absolutely horrible one, how could the author make him “get the girl” is beyond me. But at least he had a personality, however terrible one. In the show, I guess understanding, that no one would root for that asshole, they removed his toxicity almost completely, but that made him as bland as stale porridge. There wasn’t ANYTHING left on his character. At all. How anyone could’ve rooted for him I absolutely refuse to understand. Any woman deserved better than Blade😈

I don’t know anything about Leigh Bardugo, except for the fact that she butcher my native language and makes me furious. If you don’t know the language at least on a medium level, perhaps don’t use it in your books. Or at least hire someone who does. The way she butchered it, I’m not sure she even used Google translate…

So yeah, I’m with you on only reading Darklina fanfics and admiring fan art. I’m not at all sad that they cancelled the show, and I’m even giddy that those creators and writers didn’t get their wet dream of the Crows spin off. They didn’t deserve it after the shit they pulled in the second season. I do hope that they won’t ruin any other shows in the future. I am sad for the actors, who deserved much better and who were actually good at their parts, while the writing was okay. Poor Archie Renaux suffered the most, his character didn’t have good writing at all, not for a single scene. I hope we’ll see more of all of them.

And we need Ben and Jessie to do a film together. Preferably a rom com, but I’m not picky. Just that their characters are together. Such chemistry can’t be wasted

[tricksteroftheheart]

i really dont think qwel is racist/transphobic guys /srs

I've seen a lot of posts talking about how excited they are for Rox to be fired from the team, but also talking about how much they don't like Qwel for 1. defending him and also 2. some things stated in a doc about Qwel. I'll see if I can link the Qwel Doc, and you can read it over yourself of course, but I'm just going to give my own two cents as a grooming victim, a transmasc nonbinary individual, and as someone who read over the document.

I agree, Qwel should apologize for defending him for so long, however it is mentioned by both Qwel and inside the document that new information came out. It's not like Qwel had a sudden change of heart about what we already knew, but something else came out that we don't know about yet. However, please do remember that Rox was grooming not only people, but also their entire staff team, which very likely includes Qwel. You can be groomed as an adult, and while you should understand and apologize that what you did in that situation was wrong, she was very likely being manipulated.

EDIT: added this screenshot. Rox was indeed manipulating Qwel and lying to her for years. Also an apology, a short one but still an apology.

The Qwel document is very old, and the creator of the document themselves have put multiple notices and, at this point, completely moved the old doc around, in order for people to understand that it is old and not professionally created. That doesn't make the points in the document moot, but it does mean even the creator doesn't believe they're as important as people are making them out to be, and the creator also no longer, and has no longer, wanted to be involved in any of this.

This point is when I tackle the contents of the Qwel doc itself. I wish to note that while my tone may become less professional and potentially aggressive, I do not mean any harm to anyone involved in the doc or people who believe in the doc wholeheartedly. I am simply putting in my two cents. I will also be using the same codenames for people as they do in the document as well as color-coding them, for ease of reading. I will also be calling the creator A, again for ease of reading. Please, click the Read More link to read the rest of my thoughts.

EDIT: Also added more screenshots of Qwel being manipulated and lied to by Rox at the bottom. I believe Rox was grooming Qwel in order to keep the relationship they had and power he had in Blushcrush. This isn't about Rox, but Qwel, so I won't deep dive into that, but that is my belief from what we know.

The Qwel document is, at the very least, almost five years old now. I don't have concrete dates for anything else in this document besides the first event, so I have to assume everything else came out at around the same time. Qwel was, in these screenshots, fifteen years old. A lot can change in four/five years, including the way you respond to others, speak to others, and think of issues such as race and gender/sexuality. Even A themselves state to 'excuse the way they word things, as they didn't fully understand the LGBTQ+ community.'

A stated 'Qwel said I was acting like a creep for being friendly and clingy to Dark Pit' but has no examples, written or screenshots, of how exactly they were treating Dark Pit besides talking about them while they wasn't around, DMing them often enough to make them anxious, and become overwhelming for the people around them including Dark Pit. I don't want to shift the blame onto A, but talking about how 'cool' someone is and that alone doesn't seem like the same thing as what Qwel was describing in their talk. A also, in the screenshots, agrees that everything Qwel said was true to a point. This conversation doesn't seem like Qwel is trying to be manipulative or 'pushing A to admit their feelings,' as Qwel really only says 'hey what's going on with you two' and lets A explain themselves. Qwel had also spoken to Dark Pit beforehand about their crush, so A's behavior was obvious enough in that regard.

Dark Pit has anxiety, very bad anxiety, and that's stated multiple times throughout this part of the document. Dark Pit also has a fear of confrontation, to the point where they are scared of asking A to stop DMing them and 'being seen as mean.' Dark Pit and Qwel spoke together before Qwel spoke to A, so it's likely that Dark Pit was the one to tell Qwel to let A know that they weren't interested in a relationship. Qwel did say, jokingly, 'no one else is as strong a speaker as I am,' so that could be implying that Dark Pit asked her to tell him.

I don't think we have enough information about Sheik to say why exactly Qwel told Sheik about what happened, if she knew A didn't like them, or what, so while I can't say anything about this, I will repeat that Sheik apologized and that they are on better terms currently. I don't know why Qwel is acting like she doesn't know this person if they were/are truthfully 'best friends,' but we have no screenshots showing any of this and it could be that Qwel forgot about them. Also, I believe being fifteen is an alright excuse for mediating something that you arguably shouldn't have been involved in. You were young and dumb, and it's been five years. You make bad decisions when you're fifteen.

If A's actions were making Dark Pit and other users uncomfortable, and A wasn't understanding that in order to make it stop, then I can see why fifteen-year-old Qwel thought the best thing to do was make them talk to each other about their problems. A also states that Qwel got in between their relationship earlier, but then states that Qwel was forcing them to confront each other alone. The paragraph that A states Qwel 'made them believe they were a bad friend and forced them to apologize to her' has no dates, screenshots, or anything in detail to explain any of these claims. Qwel, very likely, did not mean to implant anxiety within their head about their friendships. While perhaps she did, we can't say as there are no screenshots or anything besides A's own words.

This next part is set in 2022. We do not know how much A and Mii Brawler spoke over the others in the voice chat, so I cannot say much about that situation. I will agree that calling someone autistic as an insult is not right. If this did happen, as Mii Brawler doesn't remember and there is a chance that A misheard, that was not right of Qwel. There is no proof of this occurring and only one person involved remembers it happening at all.

The following paragraph and screenshot are matters between Qwel and A and what I take as a misunderstanding. Qwel thought they gladly accepted the testing job, A only did for the money. Qwel thought they were still actively talking to each other, A says they only texted about work and the such. There is no proof to any of these claims besides the single screenshot of Qwel saying her own opinion on the matter. Qwel not trying to argue against the claims of being 'two-faced' doesn't really mean anything, I believe. It's an opinion, the document was small at the time and didn't really say much about that, there were more pressing matters to discuss. Not mentioning it does not mean she accepted the title.

This is when we get into the claims of racism/transphobia. Note that the Japanese GF and Mii Brawler are the same color, not the same person. I just ran out of colors to use.

I do not know if the Korean GF and the Japanese GF are the same person, considering Qwel mentions her GF being 'part Japanese,' so I will make two different assumptions depending on if they are or aren't. We do not know why Qwel decided to make a Japanese-themed stage for her girlfriend, how much her girlfriend was aware of it or gave ideas or what-have-you. However, if the Korean GF and the Japanese GF are the same person, this has no racial implications. And even if they aren't, you are allowed to enjoy the aesthetics of another race without it being racist. If the Korean GF likes Japanese aesthetics and themes, that is not racist. The 'waifu' line definitely sounds bad out of context, but there is a chance it was simply a joke. The entire tone of the screenshot seems kind of non-serious, with the 'crazy shit yo' and such. You can definitely argue that it's a joke in bad taste, for sure, but it doesn't seem like Qwel genuinely believed/believes her GF is actually a real anime girl or anything like that. Qwel is a lesbian. A lesbian, by definition, is a woman (or woman-aligned individual) who is exclusively interested in relationships with other women or women-aligned individuals. (This is a very complex conversation about gender and sexuality but I am trying to keep it simple to follow, please don't argue with me about this /gen.) If Qwel's partner at the time came out as nonbinary, and either of them didn't feel comfortable in the relationship due to Qwel's being a lesbian, that is not transphobic. We also don't know why they broke up, if that was even the reason at all. We don't know why Qwel unfriended Sheik, if that was related to their being nonbinary or not. These could be completely unrelated events. Qwel saying she 'doesn't understand nonbinary people' and not wanting to talk about it is also not proof of her being transphobic. The transgender umbrella, the transgender experience, and everything surrounding being transgender can be confusing, especially to cisgender people who aren't educated or didn't know much about it at the time. Every person's experience and view of it is different, as well. Being confused and not understanding something as vast as being transgender does not automatically make you transphobic.

The final paragraphs of this document are used as summarization, while also stating things that A said were probably accidental (the racism claim) as fact. I'm not going to tackle these, I've been working on this for hours and I don't even know if I will be able to get this to actually post. Please take care, take care of yourselves, and keep an open mind. Make sure to think over what you're given, and don't just repeat what you hear other people say.

EDIT: Qwel being manipulated by Rox. Btw, the definition of grooming is "when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them." Adults can be groomed, as well. Just to make this clear.

[cornertheculprit]

okay kind of long post incoming because i've just now figured out how i want to word this. i made a little post a while ago saying that i think maya started to consider phoenix her family when he insisted that he would help her in 2-2 despite her thinking that she killed someone and gave him her magatama and that i think phoenix started considering her as his family when he realized she was kidnapped and his vision started going gray and blacking out in a way it hasn't ever done for any other character and while i could make an entirely separate post detailing maya's side of things i'm going to focus on phoenix for now. i don't know if this is a proper analysis or something i'm just rambling lmao

okay. as we all know. phoenix does not believe in people unconditionally unless they have given him prior reason to do so (like edgeworth and mia). this exchange that happens in aa1 is, i think, the biggest example of him admitting it out loud:

Phoenix: I'm going to believe in you two until the end.

Larry: Us two?

Maya: Edgeworth and... who else? You mean me right?

Larry: Nah! He means me! Right, Nick?

Phoenix: Yeah, you, Larry.

Maya: Not... me?

Maya: ...

while it clearly hurts for maya to hear i think it makes sense. they've known each other for a very short time at this point and phoenix does, at this point, have more reason to trust in larry than he does maya (even though that trust seems pretty much revoked by the time aa3 rolls around because of larry admitting he was the one who stole the lunch money that caused the class trial at the end of turnabout goodbyes but i digress). while they're still in the process of quickly becoming good friends and while maya does seem to have grown attached to phoenix more quickly than phoenix to her (presumably because phoenix had defended her when no one else would) it's clear that phoenix isn't quite at the point she is. HOWEVER! according to rfta he also gets so depressed at the fact that she went back to kurain village to train that he literally doesn't take a single case for two months until he meets someone (ema) that reminds him so much of maya that he can't say no. fast forward to aa2:

Phoenix: What's wrong?

Maya: Are you sure? I mean, I'm guilty! I'm a murderer!

Phoenix: No one's decided that yet.

Maya: But I did! I killed that person... with these... two hands...!

Phoenix: That's enough, Maya.

Maya: It's hopeless! If you defend me, you'll lose, I'm sure...

Phoenix: Stop it!

Maya: ... ...Help me... Nick, help me... I'm scared...

Phoenix: Don't worry, I will. When is the trial?

this exchange is interesting to me because it's at this point that maya holds him back from leaving and gives him the magatama. their friendship, even though they've only just been reunited, is strong enough that phoenix insists that no one's decided WHO the killer is yet even in the face of maya admitting she thinks she's done it. but the thing IS—phoenix doesn't explicitly state he BELIEVES she hadn't done it. and when the topic of belief does come up later in the case, this is what ensues:

Maya: Um, Nick...

Phoenix: Yeah?

Maya: Why do you believe in me? Why do you think I didn't kill Dr. Grey?

Phoenix: ...Because of something Mia told me.

phoenix says out loud that the reason he believes wholeheartedly in maya's innocence (NOW, mind you) isn't because of his belief in maya's character, it's because of mia's words: spirit mediums can't dream when they channel. and he wholeheartedly believes in mia, which means that he now wholeheartedly believes in maya's innocence by EXTENSION.

and then farewell, my turnabout happens. and again, the minute he hears that maya's been kidnapped, his eyesight goes grayscale and starts fading like it doesn't do for any other character in the series:

Phoenix: (M-My sight... Everything's fading away... Maya... Maya... Maya's been kidnapped!)

and suddenly, phoenix is doing everything in his goddamn power to try to get her back. it's to the point that even the people of the gallery start turning against him when he attempts to pin the blame on adrian andrews to buy some time. it's even to the point where MIA, of all people, starts looking at him with seemingly genuine disapproval and not just her usual exasperation when he fucks up in court. and the only thought running through his head?

Phoenix: (This is to save Maya... This is to save Maya... Even if the whole world turns against me, this is one fight I can't give up on!)

Mia: ...

and then the case is over, and maya and phoenix have this exchange (as well as the happy little picture which always make me want to combust so i'm putting it in this post because look at them):

Phoenix: M-M-M... MAYA!

Pearl: Mystic Maya! Mystic Mayaaaaaaaa!

Maya: Oh, Nick! I knew you would come through! You got Engarde convicted, like I knew you would... And on top of that, you even rescued me!

Phoenix: Well, of course I did! You know I would never desert you!

and it's DIFFERENT when phoenix says it this time. when he told her he wouldn't abandon her all the way back in aa1 it was different. it was when she thought she'd been abandoned by everyone and phoenix compared it to his own past and made the decision to stay by her side through that trial partly because of that (and partly because of the fact that she was mia's sister). this time, when phoenix says he would never desert her, he EXCLAIMS it and states it like it's a simple fact of life. he would never desert her! that's all there is to it! and from then on things change. aa3 is known for its phoenix&maya moments for a reason: the banter is hilarious, the dynamics sublime, and if you didn't really see it before, you REALLY start to notice that you're getting hit with the wacky friendship/sibling-like shenanigans (maya whacking phoenix over the head with the shichishito is, of course, the first thing that comes to mind, but there's so so so many more moments) now. the conversation of "belief" between them starts in the stolen turnabout, where pearl starts crying and tells phoenix she'll never forgive him for taking ron delite's case. but when he asks maya about it?

Phoenix: And what about you...? Are you OK with me taking Mr. DeLite's case...?

Maya: Y-Yeah... I'm fine, Nick. I believe in you.

Phoenix: ... *sniffle* (I think I'm going to cry.)

she believes, wholeheartedly, in phoenix. and later, of course, bridge to the turnabout happens. you see how phoenix quite literally knocks larry (who he once said he'd always believe in) out of the way despite larry's very rational protests that the burning bridge was too dangerous to try and cross in his effort to reach maya on the OFF CHANCE that the murderer had fled to the other side. despite the fact that phoenix, just hours earlier, had been so terrified of the bridge that he needed literal time to recover after crossing it. and when dahlia-as-iris starts trying to pin the murder on maya....

Dahlia/Iris: I saw her commit the crime with my very own eyes... And then I cleaned up the area to try to protect her.

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Th-That's ridiculous! Maya could never do such a--

INSTANT dismissal. INSTANT refusal. it's not at all like his rationalizations (and his trust in mia over maya) in 2-2. he BELIEVES, wholeheartedly, in maya. in the fact that maya could never kill anyone. and the thing about it is that his belief in maya didn't come from some grand showcase of saving him like mia and edgeworth did—it was the product of years of friendship. throughout the entirety of the time that dahlia tries to pin the murder on maya, phoenix refuses to even CONSIDER the idea:

Phoenix: (I still can't believe it... The idea of Maya cornering someone at knifepoint! It's just silly!)

bridge to the turnabout even ENDS with maya saying that phoenix is one of the feys now. she calls herself his big sister TWICE and the only objection he has to it is that she was trying to claim that SHE was the older one and not the other way around. he (as shown by the end credits) literally ended up sitting under a freezing waterfall with her for the special course spirit training despite not being a medium at all. it's very clear by the end of the trilogy that phoenix and maya are absolutely irreplaceable in each other's lives, no questions asked.

so. overall. i think the moment that the dynamic between phoenix and maya shifted from "good friends" to "family" is actually different between the two of them. for maya, it was near the beginning of jfa, when she gave phoenix her magatama after he refused to let her admit she was guilty without a fight. for phoenix, it was near the end of jfa, when maya was kidnapped and he realized that he'd do anything to save her. and i think this shows throughout the entirety of trials & tribulations. i don't have a proper ending to to this or anything they're just my blorbos and i love them so much

[lovemebutleavemewild]

Leave it to the land - Chapter 5

The world has ended, it's over—except some people can't seem to accept that. Those same people think the cure lies in people like you and your little sister. And they're willing to do anything to find it.

Read it on ao3.

Tag list: @elentiyaiswriting

You actually sleep this time. Ghost can tell the difference straight off, when the tension finally leaves your shoulders for the first time in three days.

He's usually good at reading people but he's not fully sure what to make of you. After that time on the roof, he'd thought you were hopeless, thought they'd be babysitting you as you froze up every two minutes.

Then when he'd opened the door back at the safehouse and you'd practically ran into him, there'd been this blazing look in your eyes, like you were ready to set the world on fire.

He'd felt it again, in the creek. You practically vibrated with an energy, with that tiny knife clutched in your hand like you were ready to take on the whole world with it, and win.

He wonders if that's why Gaz likes you. And he must like you, if he told you about one of the safehouses—they're not meant to tell people about the safehouses, no matter what.

Ghost is usually good at reading people but he's always read Kyle Garrick as a cautious, smart man and he can't figure out what made him trust you so wholeheartedly.

Which means you're someone he hasn't read very well at all.

After Ghost and Soap don't murder you in your sleep, it doesn't really make sense to stay awake every night.

You still keep Dot close to your side and take your turns taking watch every night, even though Ghost and Soap never let you keep watch alone. After a few nights, you finally snap while you’re alone with Soap.

“Do neither of you trust me not to let us all get eaten, or is it just him?” You jerk your head in the direction of Ghost's tent.

Soap laughs.

“It’s definitely both of us,” he tells you and it's harder to be angry when he's grinning at you but you refuse to let your mouth twitch.

“Ghost is just cautious, hen,” Soap finally tells you. “Two sets of eyes are better than the wan.”

“You don't seem cautious,” you observe.

“Maybe cautious is the wrong word. A’m cautious. Ghost is more like … paranoid.”

And isn't that the understatement of the century.

Soap tells you more about himself as the days pass, either while you share watches or during the day as you walk.

He tells you how he was born in Scotland, the youngest of a family full of sisters, how he enlisted in the army and left home at 18.

He tells you how he worked with Kyle, calls him a good lad.

He explains that when things started to go bad, they were called back. From one warzone to another.

Dot walks a little closer to Soap now, always keeping either him or you between herself and Ghost. You get it. Soap, with his broad accent and constant jokes, feels safe. Ghost feels like any child's nightmare.

On the fifth day, you wake later than anyone else.

Embarrassed, you join Soap and Ghost where they're sitting, examining a map, after checking on Dot. She's eating some kind of granola bar—you assume Soap gave it to her. You suppose you should be happy she's getting more to eat, and try not to feel weird about him giving her food.

Soap turns to you as you approach them.

“Getting down to it now, hen,” he says. “Ya need to tell us where we're goin’ next.”

You hesitate. You have two options now—you can tell them where the safehouse is and make your break for it before you ever get there, or you can find Kyle first, and hope he chooses to help you over his supposed friends.

You refuse to believe Kyle knows anything about the lab in the city. He'd been so adamant he'd get you out when you told him.

“Won't let them make you do anything. Especially not something like … that.”

Kyle will help you, you're sure of it. But if the two of you go against Ghost and Soap, you're not sure you'll be able to hold your own, even if you are technically even in terms of numbers. Things could get ugly once they realise Kyle doesn't want to hand you and Dot over for a payday.

You take the map from Soap. Your eyes zero in on a large red X seemingly a few miles from here. Soap sees your fingers trail over it.

“Army base—they set up a medical camp there in the early days. Still pretty overrun.”

You nod and focus on the rest of the paper.

“Here,” you point to the place on the map, the one Kyle had shown you the night before everything went to shit. Soap hums and makes a circle where you've pointed, then tugs the map out of your hands, holding it out to Ghost instead.

“Right in the centre of the city. Figures,” Soap tells him. Ghost grunts.

“Let's move while we've got good light,” Ghost tells them. Soap nods and calls over to Dot.

“You ready to go, hen? Get that horse saddled up, eh?”

You only half hear Dot’s laughing protests about Pegasus not being a horse. You're less than a day's walk away from the safehouse now. You'll be there by the time night falls.

The rest of the day passes without incident. As you get closer to the city, you come across more and more of the dead. You, Soap, and Ghost dispose of them without issue. Without ever discussing it, you've started to put Dot in the centre with the three of you forming a loose circle around her. You're not sure when it happened but you know it means she’ll be more protected.

At least until they try to hand us over to the sentries. You force yourself to keep remembering that.

It's just starting to get dark when you reach the edge of the city. You stop just short of the tree line and look down. You put your hand on Dot's head. You could feel her getting increasingly more nervous each time you came across a tier five and you try to comfort her without saying anything.

“Looks like there's an old apartment building up this side street that’s close to where we're going.” You turn your eyes to where Soap is pointing.

“Could be a good place to keep a look out, scope out if the place is empty or not. What d'ya reckon?” he asks.

“Could be,” Ghost says, gruff as always.

“I'll check it out. You cover me.”

You raise an eyebrow at that.

“You think we should split up?” You make it clear from your voice how much you like that idea. Soap shakes his head at you.

“Scout clears the area and checks it's safe before sending the whole team in, hen. Standard practice.”

Standard practice. Military men . Of course.

“Well, why you?” You make an effort not to look at Ghost but the implication, why not him?, hangs in the air.

“Way we do it—way we've always done it.” Soap's tone of voice brokers no argument.

“We'll hole up in that one.” Ghost points at a smaller, closer building. “Good vantage point to pick off any problems.”

There's not much point arguing, not when the sun is already starting to burn lower in the sky. You have no desire to be outside after dark.

“Let's go.”

This last part of the journey you make in silence. You're not alone anymore and you all know it. In the quiet, you can hear the sound you've long come to associate with the dead—shuffling feet, low groans, the occasional this as they trip over one another.

When you reach the door to the first building, Soap nods at you and Ghost, chucks Dot under the chin and heads off alone, gun tucked carefully under his arm.

The door to the building groans loudly when Ghost shoves it open. You push Dot ahead of you to squeeze through, terrified the noise will draw attention. Ghost follows you both and shoves the door closed. He disappears for a second into an adjoining room then reappears, seconds later, dragging a sturdy wooden table. After a second's hesitation, you grab the other side and together, you shove it against the door.

Ghost looks at you shrewdly for a second then starts up the stairs. You roll your eyes.

“C’mon, Dee,” you say and the three of you start to climb. It looks like you're in an old apartment building—some of the doors have welcome mats outside.

Ghost doesn't stop at any of the doors but continues as far as the stairs go before pushing open the fire exit and stepping onto the roof.

He's just stepped away from the door, with Dot following, when something lurches forwards, straight towards Dot.

You lunge forward, grabbing the knife from your belt, but before you get there, Ghost grabs the man by the scruff of the neck. The next second, you see the top of his knife protruding through the front of its skull and what once was a man slumps to your feet, finally still.

For some reason, this really annoys you.

“I would have got it,” you snap at Ghost, pushing past him. You let him secure the door himself this time while you check the rest of the roof is empty. Then you make your way to the lip of the roof to look down.

“Not too close!” you snap at Dot when she tries to follow. She juts her chin out at you, the way she does when she's annoyed but you don't care. You're way too high up to be comfortable with seeing your little sister craning over the edge.

Ghost evaluates the roof carefully, then paces along the edge of the roof, checking the scope of his gun every few seconds until he finds a spot he's happy with. Then he puts a hand to the radio strapped to his shoulder.

“Soap, how copy?” He asks. After a second, you hear Soap's voice come through the speaker.

“Clear copy. You ready?”

As soon as Ghost gives the affirmative, you're leaning over the edge of the building again, looking for him.

Eventually you notice him darting from one alleyway to the next. He's making good progress down the street. Ghost has his gun trained on his movements but so far, Soap has handled the few dead he meets on his own, quietly.

Progress is steady, but slow, and after a while, you find your eyes wandering up the street.

“Shit!” you feel rather than see Ghost's head move in your direction and you point without looking at him. He turns his head again and understands in a second, his hand flying back to the radio.

“Soap, there's a herd heading your way. Find cover.”

“Might be a bit of a problem there, LT.”

You see what he means. The portion of the street he's on seems to be filled with either shops or parking garages at floor level, each one blocked by a metal roller door. In fact, the closest escape from the street seems to be the building Soap was aiming for anyway. The problem is, it's still a distance away and the herd is moving towards it too, from the opposite direction.

Ghost seems to realise it at the same time as you do. You wonder if you imagine the second of hesitation before he reaches for his radio again.

“Gonna have to run for it. I'll cover you.”

Soap has no such hesitation and starts to run at once, almost at the exact same time as the first of the dead sees him.

Things seem to move in a blur after that. Ghost is shooting, picking off anything that gets close to Soap, but there are always more coming.

Soap slams into the front door of the building just as the first dead reach it. Ghost shoots one but another grabs at Soap's shirt. He turns and stabs it through the eye, his other hand clutching around for the door handle. You have just enough time to pray it isn't locked when he falls backwards inside. Two more dead start to follow him. Again, Ghost shoots the first but the other stumbles inside, out of your line of sight. The door slams shoot behind it.

“Soap, how copy?” Ghost's voice is tense and only gets worse when there's no answer.

“Soap, how copy?” Still nothing.

“ Johnny!”

“Clear copy, LT. All good.”

If you weren't looking at Ghost as he said it, you'd miss the second where he closes his eyes, just a second of relief, before it's gone.

“Good. Get upstairs until those fuckers clear the front. We'll need to wait until the street is empty before we come to you.”

“Copy.”

It's quiet after that.

Ghost warns you not to make a fire which rules out most of the food you have. You're looking through the bottom of the bag for a makeshift dinner when something lands on the ground next to you. You look over to see two of the MREs the two men are always eating. You clench your teeth but if it's a choice between accepting a favour from Ghost and letting Dot go hungry, you can bite your tongue about it.

About other things though … not so much.

“So,” you say later, when Dot is asleep. Ghost is staring down onto the street and you sit on the flat lip of the roof, leaning against the wall of the building so you're looking at him. “Johnny, huh?”

Ghost just grunts.

“Gonna tell me your name, too?” you ask him sweetly.

“No.”

You know you're poking the bear but you can't help it.

“If I guess, will you tell me if I get it right?”

“You know, I heard tier twos were psychic, didn't think there was anything to it.”

You scowl. In the early days, when the tiering system was first introduced, some crazies started believing that anyone categorised as a tier two were like witches, and that they had powers like psychosis and healing which was why they were more immune than others. You had heard rumours about such people in the centre and the stories about what they did to the tier twos they managed to catch. You weren't sure if any of them were true but they all made you feel sick.

As much as you dread being caught by sentries, you're more scared of being caught by people like that. Hard to reason with people desperate enough to believe such things.

“Sounds like you know a lot about tier twos,” you snap at Ghost. This comes dangerously close to admitting that you know he plans to sell you out. How many others like you has he come across and sold out?

He's quiet for so long you wonder if he might have fallen asleep standing up. It's too dark now to see even his eyes through his mask. But then-

“My brother was one.”

You jolt and stare at him, wondering if he's joking.

“You brother was what?”

Ghost shrugs.

“A tier two. Apparently. You should get some sleep. I'll take the first watch.”

You consider arguing but he's turned away from you now, clearly done with the conversation. Anyway, you're still catching up on the days of sleep you lost and you know tomorrow will be a long day, so without saying anything else, you climb into the sleeping bag next to Dot, hoping to get a few hours of sleep. You plan to wake up later in the night so you can insist on taking second watch.

And you would have done, if your sleep wasn't interrupted what felt like minutes later by a slamming door and raised voices. Your eyes snap open at once. You'd positioned the sleeping bag behind an old heating unit to block it from the worst of the wind so you can't see anything. But you don't need to be able to see. Instead you listen, hearing a bunch of voices of people you don't know. One in particular stands out.

“Lower your weapons and step towards me slowly, hands on your head,” the voice says. “Don't pull anything or I swear, I'll blow your fucking head off.”

[yuseirra]

Mm..; well, I went and checked the hikaai tag

I actually don't really look up the tags here anymore because I get nervous,

Um.. Um.. I'm sorry for being an embarrassment(I SURE POSTED A LOT...) But I found a lot of things worthy of drawing about them and there was something that really drew me in about the two of them!

It happens when I really like a ship. I enjoy thinking about two people sharing a very strong bond, having a deep attachment toward one another, caring a lot, I can go on about that and explore about it on and on. I never get tired of it. I've been doing it whenever I join fandoms. It's something I find very precious and these two had something intriguing between them.

I think...I'll be still able to provide more, thankfully.

My chest is actually lifted to a degree(if they're going to refrain from explaining anything at all??) Because I refuse to downright just take the guy as a monster when we DON'T KNOW how things exactly played out!!!;; why can't they show it to us?? The whole thing about lies? Covering up? Was that what this character was supposed to be about? Then ISN'T the public's perception of him what's WRONG because, he'll be known for being Aqua's killer when he ISN'T. HE DIDN'T WANT HIS SON TO DIE. THIS WASN'T THE OUTCOME HE'S WANTED, evil or not. That much is still clear. It's still unfair. If he's bad, let him face the consequences of what he's actually responsible for. We don't know. This isn't justice then! So, you know what. I am not going to take him as the evil behind it all. I could sense some kindness in him even if what's left of it's a remnant of what he's originally used to be. This wasn't a person that should have turned out this way. I could see it really well.

Nothing about what Kamiki's told to Aqua about the nature of the industry turned out to be wrong, did it? People flock together and they entertain themselves with stories, isn't that what's happened to Ai? And now it'll happen to Ruby? Gosh, this really does feel like a bad/normal ending route of a video game. What more did we need to unlock the "true end" and find out the real truths of what's been happening? Sad or Bad or Normal ending or not, however, the writers should EXPLAIN what's been going on still. What are they going to do if they can't do that within the given limits of their own piece?

Since things are so indefinite, I can take things as positively as I'd like, out of all the possibilities, huh? And I don't think it'd be so far from the real truth either... I don't really see Ai having fallen for some "monster" because they were smiling very happily together in their thoughts of each other. The positive emotions they had were mutual. He was so happy to be with her. That wasn't a lie. She wanted to be forever with him and he thought she made him feel alive. I think that's precious. Whatever they'd become. I don't think...Hikaru would have EVER tried to harm someone he felt that way towards. The guy used to be TIMID.

Oh this got long again but, since the series is ending there wouldn't be a lot to add about, heard there's going to be live action and Hikaru may get some scenes there? Seeing what the recent writing's made of him, can I..;; trust them to write him in a way that treats him like a human being? Idk, it's been so confusing because I was ALWAYS able to read out some parts of his humanity as he appears(I actually wholeheartedly resonate with the idea that the guy must have had a noble soul.) but they make the other characters treat him like an irredeemable villain that shouldn't be regarded to have a heart.

I'd like to think he was an essentially good person. And at least.. There will not be ANYTHING left to completely refute and deny me of this impression I have of him. I'd like to think Ai chose a kind soul to be her partner. What happened after she died and what's become of him...what is with this man? I can't BELIEVE that's still ambigious, trust me, I'm very strict about morals and being in the right. That's why I was so nervous. That's why I kept questioning. I need to know something in full in order to be able to judge something, it's unfair to do it without it being so and.. It seems like we'll never know. I'll never have to worry every week and question whether everything about him and Ai were to be lies. Maybe it is but??; I've come to the conclusion that their love was actually real. It did bring disasters but I think they really did care for one another?? Things could have been so much better. I think they really could have been happy with the twins and them having formed a loving family could have become reality, because Hikaru was never so hostile towards the twins after all except that one really freaky thought he had but HE DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT. He probably.. Really could have felt Ai in a pretty solid sense if he did but he still didn't(no but what was really happening there????)

I can come up with some things. I'll do it, even if I end up looking at other works. Thank you for viewing my works regarding this couple ;v;)♥ I'm.. Glad to say they saved me some positivity left but that's not because the ending was good, it's because I already had it within me and the work didn't blow it out. I'll draw something about Aqua too this weekend because that boy deserves it. I have no idea why he couldn't just live unless he has to sacrifice his life to form a seal to kill his dad who can't normally be suppressed... Having him die... Really doesn't contribute to the story in any way the way I see it, I'd see if there's a point to it but I don't see it having any meaningful message with Ruby being how she is in the ending either. Her "growth" sort of.. Reverted back didn't it??;; so, it's better if Aqua just lives. Literally no one wanted it to happen. He himself wanted to live. What will become of his soul?? Tsukuyomi should take responsibility for having put him in that body and let him live a normal life!! He got caught up in other people's mess until the very end!

[liyazaki]

the divine in me; the divine in you

break-ups are as varied as people: they can be explosive, resigned, bitter or filled with the blame game. let's be real, anger's easier- & sometimes, very much justified.

but more often than not, break-ups are less about right or wrong, & more about people not being right for each other. it still hurts like hell, but no one's at fault. no one's the villain- it just is.

a relationship's end can be mature, achingly honest- even kind. it's rare that I get to see one acted out so beautifully, but we were blessed with just that by Nara & Patts.

this show has established that some people believe in the concept of soulmates wholeheartedly, while others look at it as a scientific phenomenon they don't have an explanation for yet.

regardless of where Nara stands on the issue, knowing your partner will always have an intimate connection with someone else that you'll never be able to replicate or 'compete' with? it's enough to put the most stable relationship on rocky ground. she also gets that this wasn't Patts’ choice- it just happened to him, as much as it happened to her.

these are two people who had the best intentions for each other & their relationship…no deceit or asinine misunderstandings to be found here.

& technically, they've been broken up for awhile. Patts doesn't 'owe' Nara anything. but pain doesn’t stop just because the break-up is over, & Patts knows this.

he values Nara enough to want to make sure she knows how much he appreciated their time together. he's taking the time to honor their relationship, & the impact it had on both of them.

& Nara- oh, Nara. it takes an incredible amount of bravery to be vulnerable in front of the person who is the cause of your hurt.

there are valuable things to be found in our pain- things you'll miss for weeks, years, or even a lifetime if you choose to run away from them. the fact that these two chose to lean into the hurt makes it clear what their values are: honesty, connection- compassion.

Patts made sure that Nara understands how grateful he is to her, that it was never his intention to hurt her- while acknowledging the fact that they cannot be together. he didn't balk at her tears or make excuses- he met her in her pain with quiet understanding.

& for Nara to be held- literally, figuratively- & acknowledged by maybe the only person who knows exactly what she's going through?

I don't know if this was intentional, but as a queer person, this scene resonated with me on a whole other level, too. not so long ago, I had to tell a man I love that I couldn't love him the way he needed anymore.

I repressed who I was for so long, & I couldn't unknow what I now know about myself. I'll never forget the kindness & compassion he showed me in the midst of his own pain. at the end of the day, he just wants me to be happy- & I want exactly that for him, too.

it makes me think of the literal translation of namaste- "the Divine within me bows to the same Divine within you.” the love was real. the pain was real. this was real- it still is. it matters.

that's love. it just "exists in another way now."

[hughiecampbelle]

Succession Preference: Dating A Political Figure

Requested: would you write preferences about the roy siblings with a significant other who is a successful political figure?? i feel like it would be an interesting concept especially with connor running for president & shiv being a political consultant - anon

A/N: I love this my love!!! Thank you for requesting!!! I hope you like it!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Connor thinks your political hold is great for his presidency. Very nicely you sit him down and explain that being president isn't an easy thing, it's not something you can just decide to be one day. He's not really listening though, assuring you his campaign won't hurt yours. It might even make yours better! Who knows? You can't stop him, you would never want to, it makes him so happy. But you definitely put some distance between what you're doing and what he's doing. You're doing the real thing, with goals and issues and a real idea of how to do your job. Connor just decided one day that's what he was going to do after a lifetime of doing nothing. It can be frustrating, especially when you're known as President Roy's first partner. You're actually doing something that will have an impact. You know his siblings don't actually believe in him, nor does his father. You're the only cheering him on. It comes with a lot of conflicted feelings.

Kendall feels a lot of stress. He can't help but spiral anytime something doesn't 100% go your way. He's very reactive. You're the one who's able to take a step back, look at the whole picture, and find a way to fix the problem. Most of the time it's not even that big a deal. So some of your numbers are a little low, you can always make up for it later. You're the one calming him down, reminding him that this is a long game you intend to play well, with lots of strategy. He can't help it, you know this. When something goes wrong in his world everything, absolutely everything, falls apart. He's so proud of you, too. When he's not freaking out, he's bragging to anyone who will listen that he's dating the next President of the United States. You wouldn't go that far, you laugh, but you can dream. He doesn't get too involved, not wanting to mess things up, but he'll always ask you how it's going. At night, in bed, the two of you debrief your days. What did your campaign manager say about this or that? Was Logan any nicer today? How are Shiv and Rome? When is your next speech? Your days are stressful and all-encompassing, but your nights together are anything but.

Shiv loves helping you with your career. All her life, she's been ignored. By her father, by her mother, by her brothers, by everyone she's ever worked with because she is a woman. Because they have already decided she's hysterical and stupid and not as powerful as they are. She doesn't want to overstep at first, but your career is new, and you're still building your image. You know Shiv is smart. You know she knows what she's doing. When she's not competing with everyone around her, she can actually think through every decision and have the best outcome. You two often spend date nights going over speeches, campaign ads, slogans, meetings, etc. You try to change the subject, not wanting your whole life to become this, but Shiv doesn't mind at all. She loves it. Not only is she helping you, which she loves, but she's finally starting to feel heard for the first time in her life. She knows you're going to be one of the greats. She does. And she's gonna help you get there. You're a power couple. No one is going to get in your way.

Roman my baby my baby, you're my baby doesn't get involved at all. He says it's because politics aren't his thing, but really he's afraid he'll mess everything up. He got involved with Mencken and that went pretty well. After he starts dating you, he makes sure his public image remains neutral. He gives Mencken to someone else, wholeheartedly standing behind you. He knows the politics of his fathers business. The backstabbing, the lying, the cheating. He expects the same kind of cat fights from you and your opponents. You remind him that you don't run like that. That's not your style. You run a clean, fair campaign. Your opponents can do and say whatever they want, but you won't be dragged down to that level. You know what they say about politicians. . . He's got endless jokes lined up. You don't mind, you know the reputation you all have. But you're trying to do better, be better. You think people deserve honesty, they deserve the truth. Roman can't believe it, you've got no skeletons in your closet. He assumed everyone did. Everyone else in his life did, at least.

[star-fandoms]

MATCHING COLLARS (Pim x Naliphorn Fanfiction)

Naliphorn entered Pim's and her shared home, clutching a plastic bag from the pet store in her hands. Her tail light green and wagging from excitement, unable to contain the smile on her face.

"Piiiiim~!" Naliphorn shut the door gently with her tail as she called out to her beloved, not that she ever told him, since she isn't even sure of her own feelings. They had grown awfully close to the short, pink man. They were as aware of it as everyone else was, but they couldn't help growing attached when Pim felt like warm sun rays hitting her purple skin. Hearing Pim's happy, fast footsteps approaching, her ears perked up and her tail wagged faster, she walked to meet him halfway.

"Welcome home, Nali! Did you get everything you need?" Pim asked with a smile on his face, spatula in hand, a sign he was cooking the two of them dinner. His big eyes looked up at Naliphorn with a tiny tilt to his head. Naliphorn leaned down slightly to hug Pim, feeling his warmth spread all over her body, causing her to suppress a shudder.

"IIIII diiiid!" Naliphorn wanted to say more, wanted to tell Pim about how she'd rather stay by his side for the rest of her life then ever go shopping alone again. She could if she wanted to, but this was a surprise, maybe even a confession of sorts, she couldn't have let him come along. Naliphorn pulled away, hesitantly, but still enjoying the lingering warmth he had left on her. Naliphorn smiled down at Pim, as she had always done, it was simply impossible to NOT smile at him. She wholeheartedly believed that if she didn't smile at him that she would break the law, and to be fair, it probably was a law to Naliphorn. "Piiim..I got you a giiift! Tuuurn.. arOUnnd." Pim's eyes widened as he stared up at Naliphorn.

"A-a gift? Oh boy!" A smile took over Pim's features as he excitedly turned around, opening and closing his fist. Pim shut his eyes tightly when he heard the rustling of the plastic bag, shortly after feeling something wrap around his neck snuggly. When Pim felt Naliphorn's hands pull away, he had opened his eyes and looked down, sputtering when he saw it was a collar. He spun to meet Naliphorn's gaze, his eyes landing a little too high before he looked down as she had been crouched, a pink collar in her hands and a smile on her face.

"Put it on me?" Naliphorn asked with a tilt to their head, their antenna following the motion.

"Nali...this is...uh..." Pim trailed off, not sure how to explain how this wasn't normal human OR critter behavior. And god, imagining his coworkers teasing made him dread the collars. Not that he wasn't appreciative, or didn't like them! He did! It's just embarrassing to have everyone call Naliphorn his pet when he thinks of her as so much more than that. She's his FRIEND! ...Okay, she's a LOT more than JUST a friend. Pim isn't clueless enough to NOT notice Naliphorn's clear preference and loyalty to him, and while he does like her back, he wants to take his time, get to know each other. Frankly, he's a bit scared of another Jennifer happening, Pim has never had much luck in love, he's worried that he might ruin things with Naliphorn if he rushes, or even that slight fear that he's reading too much into her actions and words. Afterall, Naliphorn's loyalty and affections could just be a part of their alien culture, he wouldn't know since she doesn't talk about it, and Naliphorn is nice so maybe he's just reading into it.

"Youu...don't like..it?" Naliphorn's eyes widened as she stared at Pim, feeling a bit dazed. Afterall, this was considered a confession for Naliphorn, and Pim didn't accept. She wasn't upset with him, rather, worried that she did something wrong, something to make him hate her. Her ears and antenna had flattened, her tail falling limply to the ground, turning a deep, dull blue. She really thought that things were working out, but, maybe she's not cut out for these human experiences and feelings. Growing up in a place where she felt no love directed towards her and had no love for the people around her, she's not sure how to really love, and coming to a new planet with new customs added on top didn't help her understanding of love.

"No..no! It's not like that! I just-...it's just... uhm..may I ask why collars?" Pim flailed his arms, not because of his usual excitement, but with worry. Much like how Naliphorn feels with not smiling at Pim, Pim feels similar with making Naliphorn sad. He enjoys seeing her happy, he loves it, and he wants to always make her happy. He's always loved making people smile, but he NEEDS see Naliphorn smile and to be the one to make her smile. Seeing Naliphorn sad, and knowing he made her feel that way, it feels like a crime to him.

"Theyyyy're maaaatchiiing~! Prooove my looove and...loooyaltyy!" Naliphorn perked right back up, feeling that maybe she has a chance. Pim's hands flew up to his flustered face, trying to hide it from Naliphorn. 'Love' huh? Yeah Pim was sure he would explode. Naliphorn got on her knee's, tired from crouching, and removed Pim's hands, smiling when she looked into his eyes. "Wiiill you...pleeeease put miiine ooon?" Without thinking, Pim's shaky hands took the pink collar and put it on Naliphorn gently, worried that it would be too tight, or get caught on her hair or antenna.

"It's...it's not too tight, is it?" Pim's fingers still placed on Naliphorn's collar as he stared down at her. His eyes gazed over her, her large pink eyes, her moles, her long eyelashes, the way her hair fell over her face, she was mesmerizing to him. She shook her head no, nuzzling against Pim's chest, her tail wrapping around his leg gently. Naliphorn felt a strange, vibrating sensation in her throat, she had no clue what it was, but Pim caught it. Naliphorn was purring, something that both of them weren't even aware it was something she did. A thought came to Pim's mind as he recalled Naliphorns words of love and loyalty, it sounded like...marriage to Pim. Maybe Naliphorn would accept wearing matching rings instead of collars, they wouldn't get strange looks from strangers, and maybe Maverick and Charlie wouldn't notice the rings. "...Why don't we uh get r-rings instead? They symbolize the same thing."

"Riiings? ...Okaaay, I just want toooo maaatch with youuu~" Naliphorn pulled away slightly with a smile on her face, looking up at Pim. Naliphorn's confession may have still gotten rejected in her mind, BUT she hasn't lost hope yet, the fact Pim wants to match with her has got to mean something, so she'll keep confessing in the only ways she knows how to. Pim hasn't out right confessed, he has no plans to this soon, but these rings could symbolize a promise to him, and to Naliphorn, that someday he will confess.

*Flashback*

Naliphorn rested her head on the table. Pim and Charlie got a job to do without her and Maeve, and Naliphorn hated it. She wanted to be by Pim's side, it was eating her up knowing she couldn't protect him if anything happened.

"You upset you didn't get sent out with Pim?" Maverick, also known as Maeve, had asked the purple alien, resting their hand on the table and holding a Monster drink. Naliphorn let out a shaky little whine with her alien voice, gently slamming her hands on the table repeatedly. Maeve looked up in thought, not that anyone could tell with the massive amount of unruly hair on their head, a sinister smile appearing on their face when they finally got an idea. "You knooow Nali, the boss MIGHT just let you and Pim be together from now on if you proved that you and Pim are together."

"...But weee aren't..." Naliphorn sighed, sinking into the table farther. Maeve held back laughter, looking at their little purple friend.

"Yeah, but the boss doesn't need to know that~ Why don't you get matching collars? They stand out, prove your loyalty, it could even serve as your confession towards Pim." Maeve cared for the alien, they really did, but at the same time it was SO easy to get entertainment from her since she just does whatever she's told. She believes whatever she's told. Maeve looks at this situation and wonders how anyone COULDN'T pull a few harmless pranks. Maeve smiles when Naliphorn perks up, it meant Maeve had won, their idea sinking deep into Naliphorn's brain. Naliphorn smiles and runs around the office, cheering unintelligibly, shaking Glep excitedly before dropping the 1'6 man from her 5'0 grasp. Allan backed up in fear when the purple creature approached him quickly. Maeve laughs as Naliphorn causes Allan to spill his freshly made coffee everywhere. He huffs, glaring at the alien while she leaves, however his cold stare quickly turns towards Maeve who just smiles and shrugs.