#stellar firma spoilers

[callforhope]

Just finished stellar firma. What a blast, absolutely loved it. Great ending, everyone —ESPECIALLY DAVID 7 MY BOY WHOOP WHOOP — finally have a chance at being happy and independent.

I do pity the all rest for having to deal with A.L.E.X. Finally he could have an annoying voice outside of a game (as far as I know).

Now it’s time to cling to that sweet sweet bonus content to fill the emptiness that comes with a finished show…

[rustyelias]

STL 64…..

[staysaneathome]

Okay so because this won’t leave my brain, have a weird, tentative, not-quite canonical in any sense timeline:

Bad end of Wolf 359. Pryce and Cutter get the Dear Listeners’ cloning technology and secure the way for humanity’s domination amongst the stars

In response, Goddard Futuristics pulls funding for Dr. John Geistman’s cryotechnology development. After all, who needs to worry about the future of humanity if you’ve guaranteed your corporate survival? Sure, you’ll bring a few of them along as “citizen-employees”, but there’s new markets to conquer among the stars! Forget the sad kiwi, it’s time to diversify services!

And then Dr. John Geistman goes and develops inexplicable necromantic abilities. Hm.

Pryce and Cutter try to have him arrested, secreted away to the states, but the man makes a flesh fortress out of cows, of all things! And then is recruited by the U.S. government to have the sitting president reanimated after the president’s “accident”!

But Pryce and Cutter have excellent PR people, and you can’t survive the cold recesses of space if you can’t adapt! It turns out their corporate “rivals” have the same idea: the weird necromancer can say what he wants about “saving the Earth”, but it turns out that no one really wants to listen after being reminded of what he did to those cows! And those policemen. And the cult he’s steadily amassing.

All told, it’s easier than it feels like it should be to escape the rapidly failing Earth with all of Goddard Futuristic’s vital employees, plus a few lucky relevant non-employee participants (Dr. Geistman has some cousins that Pryce is most interested in seeing if she can awaken any latent wizardry in, see if their children can inherit anything—Warren Kepler is her reluctant lab rat in this). Really, blasting off to space with all the other multitrillionaires is almost boringly simple!

Dr. John Geistman somehow killing the entire planet, ascending to godhood, and destroying every other planet in his way to stop them escaping in an act of spiteful vengeance is the only interesting part of the whole ordeal! And sure one of the twelve ships gets slightly damaged and can’t make it the whole journey.

But Pryce and Cutter have decades of experience in cheating death. This academic can’t even make them break a sweat.

(The unfortunate denizens of this twelfth vessel attempt to soldier on and create civilization anew on the planets they do reach. When the Empire of the Necrolord Prime, the renamed John Gaius, retaliates by killing these planets, they get a bit testy. The descendants of the survivors form the rebellion group the Blood of Eden.)

The eleven ships set up shop several hundred galaxies away. This becomes the Corporation Rim, which warns its inhabitants to not expand too far for fear of “alien” (really necromantic human) remnants.

Goddard Futuristics, with the help of the Dear Listeners’ cloning technology and Pryce’s advances in AI, rebrand as Stellar Firma Ltd. and begin making and selling planets. Pryce and Cutter remain the shadow-rulers behind the all-powerful Board.

Their business rivals on the other six ships set up their own corporations, beginning to set up colonies for mining and contractually -obligated labor. Some of those colonies get lost in the violent in-fighting between these lesser controlled companies which constantly devolve and are reborn anew. Those abandoned colonies form their own governments and societies opposed to those of the Corporation Rim. These are much more successful, and even propagate higher learning and better infrastructure.

In order to keep up with the competition over this new source of income and potential exploitation, the Corporation Rim kickstarts the development of Security Units within their companies, with inbuilt monitoring to data mine their new clients.

Pryce and Cutter meet an untimely end when they take a party barge to the Pleasure Moon of Quixotic, along with the rest of the Board and their families. Stellar Firma, deprived of the overlords that have guided its course since the twenty first century, is thrown into chaos.

I.M.O.G.E.N., Pryce’s magnum opus, becomes the supercomputer behind Stellar Firma’s operation in constant conflict with Internal Standards. She is in charge of using the Dear Listeners’ technology to combine DNA that’s proven to be receptive to the obedience protocol (Donors include R. Min., D. Jac., D. Eif., and A. Max.) to create clone assistants to design and sales consultants. One of these clones proves to be resistant to this gene. She decides to roll with it.

Years later, a Secunit that managed to hack its governor protocol follows a young human that an Asshole Research Transport AI feels very protective over into a coffee shop run by a clone and one of the most powerful administrative AIs to escape the Corporation Rim…

[nerointhecorner]

love how pathetic the characters (mostly men) in stellar firma are. david is a sopping wet cat. harry is just a guy. trexel is... trexel. cranewillis is a soil boy. enola is a poor, blind, hopeful fool. ALEX is a people pleaser and a suck-up. i love them all

[parsleysaauce]

My favourite thing about tmagp is that IMOGEN and Mr Ceiling now have more members in the “spooky sentient rusty quill computer” club !!

[ashes-in-a-jar]

I see what you did there Rusty Quill

[thermodynamic-comedian]

here's a mental image for you. post-kidnapping jon pulls up to elias' office. pissed off as hell like ok bitch here's the deal why should i trust anything you say at all ever again. elias sighs and slowly pulls out a microphone seemingly out of nowhere. you areee still aliivee,

[creativepup]

Been wanting to draw this since The Star Beast came out. David 7 meets Beep the Meep.

[cirrus-grey]

Me: Yeah it's been years I can be normal about Stellar Firma now

Jenny Haufek: Guest stars in tmagp

Me, chanting: HAR-TRO! HAR-TRO! HAR-TRO!

[lemondoddle]

damn I can't believe stellar firma foreshadowed norris

[ilovepodcastladies]

JENNIFER HAUFEK IN THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL!!!!!! MORE CROSSOVER FROM TMA (THE LADY FROM HELEN'S HOTEL)

[trashburgersblair]

I need Hera, I.M.O.G.E.N, and Tumnus to get together and cause all the AC chaos they can

[rustyelias]

oh no david has learnt what a union is… it's so joeover

[callforhope]

HARTRO PILTZ?!?!

[hexameterwrench]

also!

JENNY HAUFEK APPEARANCE!!!

they even got a mention of feet in there . . . we love and miss you hartro

[pilesofnonsense]

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