#steakknife
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Delicious Brother is showing us hole already!
#it got VERY happy when i repotted it#I had to cut the grower pot off it with a steakknife it was so rootbound
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just. GOD the way Stede’s been shoving it all in and not really realising how it’s been building up. as far as his issues are concerned everything around him eventually gets ruined and it’s his fault
yes, it’s about Ed shaving his beard and being “ruined” by his love
but it’s also about his family . the ex wife. two messed up kids probably . not just abandoning them in the middle of the night then unabandoning them again but a whole loveless marriage and everything that goes with that. EVERYTHING he tries to love is ruined , even if he stops trying .
it’s about how Lucius got thrown overboard and scarred for life over him and Izzy got his leg shot off for “daring to mention your name” . it’s pretty heavily suggested that poor Steakknife **died** for defending him to Zheng
and he killed a man for lots of reasons but the one his spiralbrain probably fixates on is that it was for calling him a bumbling amateur because he (quote unquote) knows he IS one . he’s been a failure his whole life .
(he’s killed a lot of people actually . that’s kind of messed up . something’s probably wrong with him.)
and sure. a lot of this stuff has been touched on by the narrative , such as him to a large extent healing the relationship with his family . but the thing about trauma and self loathing is that resolving things is messy and hard and if you’ve got that voice in your head calling you a monster a plague defiler of beautiful things it doesn’t just go away because your ex wife gives you a hug.
It *especially* doesn’t go away when you cut off your flashback spiral halfway through and have mutually consensual but ill advised sex about it
and now the Pirates’ Republic lies around him in ruins and every single ship in Zheng’s fleet is burning . beautiful things . history’s greatest pirates. they were doing just fine before he came along .
#stede bonnet#the absolute mentally ill disaster that is this man#I want to wrap him in a burrito and let him cry it out in the bath tub Ed style#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers
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sweet hell i need to kill and eat someone
i know i talk a lot about how cooking human flesh into a meal, hannibal lector-style, loses a lotta the je-ne-sais-quoi of cannibalism, yes? it almost has the same separation as a restaurantee and the pig that becomes a ham
i can't deny how wonderful it'd be to eat someone alive in the same setting, though
your victim trapped to the table by their wrists and ankles, chains disappearing under the red tablecloth. cutting through their still-living skin with a steakknife, watching the agony flash through their body. peeling a thick cut of meat off the side of their thigh, tasting the meat still saturated with blood and the heat of life as your victim wretches
you've doomed them to a slow death of exsanguination, y'know? the good meat's all on the limbs, so you're not going to cut anything vital any time soon. just all the more time to take everything they can offer before their heart stops
really it'll be a shame, they'd be absolutely delicious
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if that night had gone on longer, Izzy was 100% gonna go fuck steakknife, thank you for coming to my TED Talk
#I'm sorry I meant *get fucked by* that's my bad#our flag means death#ofmd#izzy hands#ofmd season 2#ofmd spoilers
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Deadball update!
Terriers managed to evade a Bronzes sweep in a close 5-4 game, despite an ominous black cat on the dugout roof. When asked about their failure to obtain the coveted ████████ ████, Bronzes pitcher Fitzgerald Steakknife responded “go die in the hole you crawled out of, leech.” The Bronzes' longstanding hostility to reporters remains unchanged despite their loss, evidently.
With the conclusion of the first set, the next one must begin! The Phoenix Pom-Poms faced down the Unaffiliated Umbras on their home* field, only for Umbras pitcher Yeong-Ho Mango to manage a shutout, the first of the season, despite a pause in the 6th after Mango appeared injured. Also of note; both teams managed to pull off the coveted triple play in the second inning; Pom-Poms batter James Beard reportedly asked teammate Pedro Collins to “punch me where that ball hit you for fucking that beaut up, wouldja?”
The Commissioner has yet to notify the Umbras of the details of ███ ███████ ████, their one-game-only reward for the first shutout of the season. As always, more updates to come under the tag #deadball fun! ignore the horrors
*a note that, being Unaffiliated, the Umbras do not truly have a home field and instead refer to whichever random little league field the game takes place on as their home field
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Esteemed council members and friends of the show i move to disallow any brit from going near a kitchen. My reason? i was given a "melt" that i spend 8 minutes sawing at with a steakknife to get it to open
#it legit had the structual integrity of a lobster shell#facinating achievement of cullinary engineering
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2x07, no longer so sleepy and discombobulated
Nooooo don't get rid of all your sexy leather! (This reminded me that the red silk is gone for good which reminded me that we still don't have a wardrobe reveal)
Awwww yes, tell him about being a mermaid.
Not sure how I feel about Izzy being smirky and positive about them having sex, but I will say that Con sold the line well.
Jim wants to increase the polycule
ejufiksdjksjdk Ed loves people appreciating Stede! Can't help but feel this is some more character bleed about Rhys getting more famous
(Also, more evidence of Ed writing, lol)
JACKIE LOOKS SO HOT (so does Swede)
"Is it just me or did the Swede get hot?" "It's an adjustment for me as well." dhasjdfklsfjkds
Ahhh yes, Buttons turning into a bird explains why Ed is wearing his clothes
"Decent turnover here, husband-wise" hdskfhdskj
NO DON'T SAY IT WAS A MISTAKE WTF ARE YOU DOING
Ed, you don't have to be a pirate, you can just be Stede's boytoy
Baby no where are you going
Putting the hoof on the table with his hands again fsjdkfhsjkdhfjs
I love that there's been no tealoranges breakup, all the people who keep reporting it as a breakup are dumb!
Stede no Stede stop no!!!
"I got this, boss. That was really mean" omg. Not Steakknife!
Stede why did you do this
This brawl is choreographed well ...
Oh FUCK. I did not see the clock bombs coming!
Roach and Fang self-care day!
How are they going to cram all this into a half hour finale???
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" have fun explaining this to your followers AND tumblr guidelines," marlene says, as she stabs a steakknife into my kidney
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I'd just like to appreciate how good basil would be at hide and seek. He's been lost for like a month, and to that I gave 13 hours of my life to this game and I'm still not done yet. Like wtf? Awesome game though besides the, um.... steakknife and tomato sauce.... yep. (Sorry for not helping you basil)
-♡?
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imagine someone gave you a thick slab of rare, fatty, gristly beef and then gave you a spoon and a butterknife and said yeah you gotta eat this using only those tools. oh and you have to finish all of it. oh and i'll be mad about the time differential vs when you have a steakknife and a fork. this is the reality of BAD FACTORY LABOR MANAGEMENT.
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Oh yeah that's good art hold on let me
[CRASH. BANG. SLAM. PAINED SCREAMING. CLATTERING PLATES.]
🍴alright got my utensils out. SLUUURRRPPPP CRUNCH GROMF HORMF NOM NOM CRUNCH
Ooc ask.
// This made me laugh too hard THANK YPU ANON i love you anon. Put the steakknife down
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STEAKKNIFE THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!
My contribution to the tumblr tsmp fanart. Happy belated birthday @vintageapples !!
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#tofu#steak#knife#tofu package opener#veganmeme#steakknife#vegansknow#og#meme#original meme#pointy#sharp object
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While I was waiting on the tumbler and heat treat last night, I finished up this happy accident. Most Hollywood movie fights end up in the kitchen I noticed, so why not make a knife that you can enjoy in the kitchen and ward off evil doers? 🤷🏼♂️ #idlehands #combatkitchen #kitchenknife #steakknife #uscutlery #area15 #area15official #cerakote #titanium #kitchenfight #johnwick #chef #americanmade #madeinusa #madebyhand #handmade (at Gilbert, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8MOQIMA6PJ/?igshid=qi8m3vua9ir
#idlehands#combatkitchen#kitchenknife#steakknife#uscutlery#area15#area15official#cerakote#titanium#kitchenfight#johnwick#chef#americanmade#madeinusa#madebyhand#handmade
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I started writing more. I'm having so much fun coming up with Sloccer rules and modifications and whatnot. I am basing it heavily around Blaseball, but there's obviously a few things that are different. Here's a couple of sneak peaks :}
Kit Seraph (L) Unaffiliated High Fives [Antivenom Blood. This Player is immune to Venom effects. | Permanent.] [Quick on the Draw. This Player has Proximity within an additional meter of the Ball. | Permanent.] [Out of Place. This Player performs 20% worse in home games. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 100 Days. Countdown resets upon Transfer or Feedback.] [Left Half. This Player always Passes to the right. | Permanent.] [CENSORED FOR FIC PURPOSES] [Half-Time Show. Any Goals scored by this Player are worth 0.5x. Any Blocks by this player award 0.25 Goals to the Opposing Team. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 5 Games.] [CENSORED FOR FIC PURPOSES] Defense ★★★ Kicking ★★★★★[½] Running ★★★½ Teamwork ★½ [Armor: The Drops Kicks. Sentimental value increases the wearer’s Kicking by ½.] [Item: no item]
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Kit Seraph (R) Las Vegas Penny Drops [Antivenom Blood. This Player is immune to Venom effects. | Permanent.] [Quick on the Draw. This Player has Proximity within an additional meter of the Ball. | Permanent.] [Right Half. This Player always Passes to the left. | Permanent.] [Right at Home. This Player performs 20% better in home games. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 17 Days. Becomes Out of Place upon Transfer or Feedback.] Defense ★★★ Kicking ★★★★★ Running ★★★½ Teamwork ★★½ [Armor: no armor] [Item: The Big Penny. This Player wins all tiebreakers.]
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TEAMS FOR THE CURRENT SEASON OF SLOCCER
The Lost Last Straws
The Virginia Rift Rabbit Holes
The Las Vegas Penny Drops
The Alaskan Last Lights
The Hawai’i Snow Jobs
The Reno Green Thumbs
The Phoenix Rock Bottoms
The London Blind Dates
The Miami Crocodile Tears
The Chicago Dog Days
The Albuquerque Finishing Touches
The Boston Hot Potatoes
The Grand Canyon Blind Spots
The Portland Death Knells
The Core Values
The Portland Blue Bloods
The Maine Points
The Seneca Crying Wolves
The San Francisco Broken Hearts
The Salt Lake Sweet Teeth
The Unaffiliated High Fives
The Madison Charlie Horses
The New York Bull’s Eyes
The Atlanta Can of Worms
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Unaffiliated High Fives [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered Opposing.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered Away.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered At Home.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is only counted towards Teams Playing if not doing so would mean there is only one Team Playing.] [Unaffiliated. This Team may not take Sponsorships.]
Primary Roster Doc Sportsman Robbins Wilson Frazier Steakknife Timmy Schmitt Tristin Mora Kit Seraph (L) Engine Turquoise Yong Donaldson Newton Fox Moses Kath Joyner Sportsman Secondary Roster Milo Violet Derrick Escobar Amaya Gonzales Donia Fairwood Elip Simmons Wendy Slumps Allison Monreal Raúl Adamses Commissioner Sky Rush Warhorse Beau Boone Daniel Carver
(Names via this Blaseball name generator)
angels in the rafters are takin' in the show (1031 words) by Unnatural_Redhead Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Blaseball (Video Game) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Kit Seraph Additional Tags: POV Second Person, Splorts, Blaseball Season 1 - The Return(s) (2023), Released Players (Blaseball) Summary:
Your name is Kit Seraph, and you are a Blaseball player.
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I finished my art for my fic! Kit Seraph, playing for the Cities of the Angels!
#blaseball#kit seraph#also yes that mention in the team modifications of Teams Playing does mean you can have Sloccer games with more than two teams#in fact that’s how the Unaffiliated High Fives formed. regulations disallow play that would conflict with other splorts.#so if say your home game would be at the same time and city as a Blaseball game was (this has happened)?#it would be moved to the Unaffiliated Field. then some Players got cursed so that they couldn’t leave the current location.#and so the Unaffiliated Team began!
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