#steakknife

[briarpatch-kids]

Delicious Brother is showing us hole already!

[theclaravoyant]

just. GOD the way Stede’s been shoving it all in and not really realising how it’s been building up. as far as his issues are concerned everything around him eventually gets ruined and it’s his fault

yes, it’s about Ed shaving his beard and being “ruined” by his love

but it’s also about his family . the ex wife. two messed up kids probably . not just abandoning them in the middle of the night then unabandoning them again but a whole loveless marriage and everything that goes with that. EVERYTHING he tries to love is ruined , even if he stops trying .

it’s about how Lucius got thrown overboard and scarred for life over him and Izzy got his leg shot off for “daring to mention your name” . it’s pretty heavily suggested that poor Steakknife **died** for defending him to Zheng

and he killed a man for lots of reasons but the one his spiralbrain probably fixates on is that it was for calling him a bumbling amateur because he (quote unquote) knows he IS one . he’s been a failure his whole life .

(he’s killed a lot of people actually . that’s kind of messed up . something’s probably wrong with him.)

and sure. a lot of this stuff has been touched on by the narrative , such as him to a large extent healing the relationship with his family . but the thing about trauma and self loathing is that resolving things is messy and hard and if you’ve got that voice in your head calling you a monster a plague defiler of beautiful things it doesn’t just go away because your ex wife gives you a hug.

It *especially* doesn’t go away when you cut off your flashback spiral halfway through and have mutually consensual but ill advised sex about it

and now the Pirates’ Republic lies around him in ruins and every single ship in Zheng’s fleet is burning . beautiful things . history’s greatest pirates. they were doing just fine before he came along .

[cannibalcaprine]

sweet hell i need to kill and eat someone

i know i talk a lot about how cooking human flesh into a meal, hannibal lector-style, loses a lotta the je-ne-sais-quoi of cannibalism, yes? it almost has the same separation as a restaurantee and the pig that becomes a ham

i can't deny how wonderful it'd be to eat someone alive in the same setting, though

your victim trapped to the table by their wrists and ankles, chains disappearing under the red tablecloth. cutting through their still-living skin with a steakknife, watching the agony flash through their body. peeling a thick cut of meat off the side of their thigh, tasting the meat still saturated with blood and the heat of life as your victim wretches

you've doomed them to a slow death of exsanguination, y'know? the good meat's all on the limbs, so you're not going to cut anything vital any time soon. just all the more time to take everything they can offer before their heart stops

really it'll be a shame, they'd be absolutely delicious

[justsalpals]

if that night had gone on longer, Izzy was 100% gonna go fuck steakknife, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[the-dork-urge]

General - gn Dark Urge X Ketheric &(Gortash?)

Summary: Ketheric knows about Gortash, much to Durges dismay. Words: 653

Ketheric sat at the head of the table, his posture rigid even in the comfort of his own chambers. His warhound lay curled beneath the table, its eyes glinting in the dim light, watching the table guest across from him with the same vigilance as its master.

They leaned back in their chair, one leg crossed lazily over the other. Their fingers absently traced the rim of their glass, the motion almost idle as they savored the quiet, enjoying the peace the silence brought.

Ketheric’s gaze remained on them, studying their every movement. Finally, he broke the quiet.

"You’ve grown close to the Banite, haven’t you."

It wasn’t a question; it was a statement, more than a simple observation, and it came seemingly out of nowhere. Like an arrow aimed for the jugular. Still, they didn’t respond immediately. Their grip on the glass tightened ever so slightly before they set it down, doing so with deliberate slowness.

"Much like you and I are 'close'," they said with a smirk that didn’t quite reach their eyes. They motioned casually around the table, their tone nonchalant, almost mocking. "We talk. Drink. Have dinner. Strictly business," they lied.

Ketheric’s lips twitched in the faintest sign of annoyance. "Nothing quite like this," he growled, his voice carrying the weight of years of command. He leaned forward, his eyes narrowing. "You know precisely what I mean."

Their eyes flickered for a moment before they straightened in their chair, the smirk faltering but not disappearing. "And what is it that you mean, Ketheric?"

He didn’t blink, didn’t flinch. "I’ve been around long enough to notice whatever business it is that’s entertaining the two of you." He took a long, deliberate drink from his glass, savoring the pause before continuing. "You’ve been careful, it's in your nature to hide your secrets, but Gortash has been hardly subtle."

Their pulse quickened, but they kept their tone measured, even though in their mind, they cursed Enver a thousand times. "And what do you want me to do? End this 'business' arrangement? Is that your suggestion?"

Ketheric scoffed, his gaze hardening at their defiant admission. "I never said that. But you’d better keep your personal matters in line. Don’t let it interfere. Don’t jeopardize our plans."

They leaned back, a sharp exhale escaping their lips as they tried to shake off the weight of the conversation, though inside, they were seething. "Out of character for you, Thorm. Meddling in personal matters." They paused, their voice biting. "Perhaps I should take a closer look at your life again—see what other secrets I can dig up. What other skeletons are rattling around in your closet?"

Ketheric scowled like a parent reprimanding a child, his eyes cold. "Just heed my warning and eat your damn dinner."

"Yes, General. Absolutely." They grimaced back at him, their tone laced with mock obedience.

They stabbed their fork into the plate with a sharp, sudden motion, the clink of metal against porcelain cutting through the silence. Their eyes flashed with irritation, their jaw tightening.

They reached for the steakknife, gripping the handle with a steady hand. With a tense motion, they twisted it between their fingers, feeling the weight of the blade as it turned in their grip. Their gaze flickered to the piece of red meat on the plate, then back to Ketheric. They twisted the knife again, the motion slower now, controlled. For a brief, dangerous moment, a thought crept into their mind—What if they just… flicked it? The fantasy played out in their mind: the blade sinking into Ketheric’s throat, the thud of it landing home, blood spilling over the table, splashing onto the warhound's coat. Beautiful. And no real consequence.

But just as quickly as the urge appeared, they shoved it away, burying it deep inside, their fingers tightening around the knife. Then, suddenly, they dropped the knife with a sharp clink.

"You have soiled my appetite, I’m afraid."

[ivy-meshle]

Deadball update!

Terriers managed to evade a Bronzes sweep in a close 5-4 game, despite an ominous black cat on the dugout roof. When asked about their failure to obtain the coveted ████████ ████, Bronzes pitcher Fitzgerald Steakknife responded “go die in the hole you crawled out of, leech.” The Bronzes' longstanding hostility to reporters remains unchanged despite their loss, evidently.

With the conclusion of the first set, the next one must begin! The Phoenix Pom-Poms faced down the Unaffiliated Umbras on their home* field, only for Umbras pitcher Yeong-Ho Mango to manage a shutout, the first of the season, despite a pause in the 6th after Mango appeared injured. Also of note; both teams managed to pull off the coveted triple play in the second inning; Pom-Poms batter James Beard reportedly asked teammate Pedro Collins to “punch me where that ball hit you for fucking that beaut up, wouldja?”

The Commissioner has yet to notify the Umbras of the details of ███ ███████ ████, their one-game-only reward for the first shutout of the season. As always, more updates to come under the tag #deadball fun! ignore the horrors

*a note that, being Unaffiliated, the Umbras do not truly have a home field and instead refer to whichever random little league field the game takes place on as their home field

[brbgensokyo]

Esteemed council members and friends of the show i move to disallow any brit from going near a kitchen. My reason? i was given a "melt" that i spend 8 minutes sawing at with a steakknife to get it to open

[chocolatepot]

2x07, no longer so sleepy and discombobulated

Nooooo don't get rid of all your sexy leather! (This reminded me that the red silk is gone for good which reminded me that we still don't have a wardrobe reveal)

Awwww yes, tell him about being a mermaid.

Not sure how I feel about Izzy being smirky and positive about them having sex, but I will say that Con sold the line well.

Jim wants to increase the polycule

ejufiksdjksjdk Ed loves people appreciating Stede! Can't help but feel this is some more character bleed about Rhys getting more famous

(Also, more evidence of Ed writing, lol)

JACKIE LOOKS SO HOT (so does Swede)

"Is it just me or did the Swede get hot?" "It's an adjustment for me as well." dhasjdfklsfjkds

Ahhh yes, Buttons turning into a bird explains why Ed is wearing his clothes

"Decent turnover here, husband-wise" hdskfhdskj

NO DON'T SAY IT WAS A MISTAKE WTF ARE YOU DOING

Ed, you don't have to be a pirate, you can just be Stede's boytoy

Baby no where are you going

Putting the hoof on the table with his hands again fsjdkfhsjkdhfjs

I love that there's been no tealoranges breakup, all the people who keep reporting it as a breakup are dumb!

Stede no Stede stop no!!!

"I got this, boss. That was really mean" omg. Not Steakknife!

Stede why did you do this

This brawl is choreographed well ...

Oh FUCK. I did not see the clock bombs coming!

Roach and Fang self-care day!

How are they going to cram all this into a half hour finale???

[rockmanzero11]

" have fun explaining this to your followers AND tumblr guidelines," marlene says, as she stabs a steakknife into my kidney

[canofsouup]

I'd just like to appreciate how good basil would be at hide and seek. He's been lost for like a month, and to that I gave 13 hours of my life to this game and I'm still not done yet. Like wtf? Awesome game though besides the, um.... steakknife and tomato sauce.... yep. (Sorry for not helping you basil)

-♡?

[grfn-btbtas]

imagine someone gave you a thick slab of rare, fatty, gristly beef and then gave you a spoon and a butterknife and said yeah you gotta eat this using only those tools. oh and you have to finish all of it. oh and i'll be mad about the time differential vs when you have a steakknife and a fork. this is the reality of BAD FACTORY LABOR MANAGEMENT.

[teamphobia]

Oh yeah that's good art hold on let me

[CRASH. BANG. SLAM. PAINED SCREAMING. CLATTERING PLATES.]

🍴alright got my utensils out. SLUUURRRPPPP CRUNCH GROMF HORMF NOM NOM CRUNCH

Ooc ask.

// This made me laugh too hard THANK YPU ANON i love you anon. Put the steakknife down

[vintageapples]

STEAKKNIFE THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!

My contribution to the tumblr tsmp fanart. Happy belated birthday @vintageapples !!

[theonlinevegan]

[convoyco]

[ivy-meshle]

I started writing more. I'm having so much fun coming up with Sloccer rules and modifications and whatnot. I am basing it heavily around Blaseball, but there's obviously a few things that are different. Here's a couple of sneak peaks :}

Kit Seraph (L) Unaffiliated High Fives [Antivenom Blood. This Player is immune to Venom effects. | Permanent.] [Quick on the Draw. This Player has Proximity within an additional meter of the Ball. | Permanent.] [Out of Place. This Player performs 20% worse in home games. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 100 Days. Countdown resets upon Transfer or Feedback.] [Left Half. This Player always Passes to the right. | Permanent.] [CENSORED FOR FIC PURPOSES] [Half-Time Show. Any Goals scored by this Player are worth 0.5x. Any Blocks by this player award 0.25 Goals to the Opposing Team. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 5 Games.] [CENSORED FOR FIC PURPOSES] Defense ★★★ Kicking ★★★★★[½] Running ★★★½ Teamwork ★½ [Armor: The Drops Kicks. Sentimental value increases the wearer’s Kicking by ½.] [Item: no item]

----

Kit Seraph (R) Las Vegas Penny Drops [Antivenom Blood. This Player is immune to Venom effects. | Permanent.] [Quick on the Draw. This Player has Proximity within an additional meter of the Ball. | Permanent.] [Right Half. This Player always Passes to the left. | Permanent.] [Right at Home. This Player performs 20% better in home games. | Temporary. Remaining Duration: 17 Days. Becomes Out of Place upon Transfer or Feedback.] Defense ★★★ Kicking ★★★★★ Running ★★★½ Teamwork ★★½ [Armor: no armor] [Item: The Big Penny. This Player wins all tiebreakers.]

----

TEAMS FOR THE CURRENT SEASON OF SLOCCER

The Lost Last Straws

The Virginia Rift Rabbit Holes

The Las Vegas Penny Drops

The Alaskan Last Lights

The Hawai’i Snow Jobs

The Reno Green Thumbs

The Phoenix Rock Bottoms

The London Blind Dates

The Miami Crocodile Tears

The Chicago Dog Days

The Albuquerque Finishing Touches

The Boston Hot Potatoes

The Grand Canyon Blind Spots

The Portland Death Knells

The Core Values

The Portland Blue Bloods

The Maine Points

The Seneca Crying Wolves

The San Francisco Broken Hearts

The Salt Lake Sweet Teeth

The Unaffiliated High Fives

The Madison Charlie Horses

The New York Bull’s Eyes

The Atlanta Can of Worms

----

Unaffiliated High Fives [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered Opposing.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered Away.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is never considered At Home.] [Unaffiliated. This Team is only counted towards Teams Playing if not doing so would mean there is only one Team Playing.] [Unaffiliated. This Team may not take Sponsorships.]

Primary Roster Doc Sportsman Robbins Wilson Frazier Steakknife Timmy Schmitt Tristin Mora Kit Seraph (L) Engine Turquoise Yong Donaldson Newton Fox Moses Kath Joyner Sportsman Secondary Roster Milo Violet Derrick Escobar Amaya Gonzales Donia Fairwood Elip Simmons Wendy Slumps Allison Monreal Raúl Adamses Commissioner Sky Rush Warhorse Beau Boone Daniel Carver

(Names via this Blaseball name generator)

angels in the rafters are takin' in the show (1031 words) by Unnatural_Redhead Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Blaseball (Video Game) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Kit Seraph Additional Tags: POV Second Person, Splorts, Blaseball Season 1 - The Return(s) (2023), Released Players (Blaseball) Summary:

Your name is Kit Seraph, and you are a Blaseball player.

--

I finished my art for my fic! Kit Seraph, playing for the Cities of the Angels!