#startold: castiel.

[saturnmused]

@startold 』 『 𝙻𝚈𝚁𝙸𝙲 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻.

❝ NO, CAS, THAT'S NOT what i'm trying t'say here, ❞ eldest winchester son is currently trying his hand at a romantic confession, but castiel's profound 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝚄𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽 as to what he's referencing isn't helping the matter. it isn't helping dean's nerves, either, not being able to get out what he feels he needs to say ― but he's never been good at this, at the confessing part of the romantic getup. he's much better at 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙶 how he feels, but is unwilling to go that far just yet, not wanting to overwhelm castiel and wreck things between them irreparably. ❝ i mean . . . ugh, what are words. ❞ he grasps at the air like it will help him find what he wants to say, finally letting out a huff of 𝙵𝚁𝚄𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 that he feels in his bones. this is already going all wrong, & he's just started. ❝ i'm trying to say that i care about you, castiel. a lot. more than . . . more than others think i should. ❞

[lookedinfinite]

" now listen, i'll tell you what to do. if you stay here, they'll find you. i'll distract them while you get away. " from @startold / castiel

nothing about plan feels like a good idea. and maybe she's biased - unwilling, unable to let someone else be in danger for her - or maybe she just lacks the needed faith that he'll be okay. worry is written on her features as clear as freckles, marking her even if half masked by evening light. (she still refuses to believe, to take the labels offered as part of herself, she has no interest in being part of a grander plan or bigger picture. and yet... caring for castiel is easier than believing herself special.)

she's read plenty about how saints and prophets end up. it seems a great deal of tragedy for a deity she has no faith in.

"come with me. we'll work it out as we go." voice is soft, laced with a slight panic that doesn't suit usually calm and collected nature. "I'm not just walking away and leaving you here."

[patchedstars]

" well, uh ... nothing if we're speaking literally. it's more to say you did really well. "

❛ ... ate what? ❜

[saturnmused]

CASTIEL DOESN'T QUITE seem to understand what dean is trying to tell him, & it's just as well ; it allows dean to pause & truly 𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙴𝚂𝚂 if this is what he wants to say. he gives one last thoughtful moment to the contemplation of it, decides that yes, this is truly what he wants, & pushes on through despite other's obliviousness. it's either that castiel isn't understanding, or that he isn't accepting, & dean knows which would be worse, so he 𝙷𝙾𝙿𝙴𝚂 for the best. the hunter gives a shake of his head as castiel notes that he didn't think that dean was hung up on others' opinions, & he's not. that's never been the issue ; it's always been about what he's thought about himself.

& it's taken time to come around to it, but he's finally at a place where he can 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚂 to what he's been feeling for so long.

❝ i don't. it's not about that. ❞ he releases a soft breath, wrings hands in front of himself in clearly anxious gesture, & then takes a purposeful step into castiel's personal space, meeting other's gaze levelly. ❝ when i say that i care about you, cas . . . i mean that i care about you more than anyone else, unlike i care 'bout 'nyone else. it's . . . how i feel for you is completely 𝙳𝙸𝙵𝙵𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙽𝚃 than how i've ever felt for anyone else. d'you get what i'm trying to tell you ? ❞ he swallows, but keeps going, even when mouth goes dry & throat squeezes like if he could stop talking, he might be able to ignore his own vulnerability in this moment. ❝ i'm in love with you, castiel. ❞

castiel can only blink at him, putting the pieces together. dean’s raised pulse, the nervous energy emitting from him. angel has never been very good at this; in fact, always feels like the last one to know in any situation. ❛ i… care about you too, dean. ❜ isn’t that already obvious? everything castiel has done, he has done it for the benefit of dean. there have been fights & times where castiel swears he regrets ever rebelling from heaven- life had been much simpler as his father’s obedient soldier. still; he doesn’t quite grasp the situation. doesn’t quite understand the depth of dean’s confession. & not all obliviously; there's a part of himself that thinks he gets it, but just just can't quite let himself hope. it would be too painful. ❛ i didn’t think you gave much of a care about what others think. ❜