#started talking is so dire)

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[prophecyofgray]

guy who can't go five minutes without having a Project. finished the second draft of my fantasy book back in june and wrote an entire first draft of my novella in july so im currently on hiatus from both of those and im losign my mind. i Need a Writing Project. yes i have a screenplay that i should start writing. no im not doing it

[steevejr]

one of my fave work things is impressing my coworkers with my ability to recall specific foods and beverages from years long gone. Yes I remember the un*corn frap. I was there. dream team Charlie and Matt made 200 of those bitches a day. and they tasted like shit.

[mothpile]

GRAHGGH I LOVE PROJECT HAIL MARY !!!! (65% through rn) GRAHHHHH ITS SO GOOD I LOVE SCIENCEEEEE

[cherubchoirs]

What if Gabriel was still able to calm Micheal even after his fall?

Like what starts as what they both assume as a fight to the death ends up being just them talking over there issues while battling and then eventually them both exhausted just finding a common ground.

Also what if Raphael invited Gabriel over for what Gabe thinks is just gonna be Raphael yelling at him but it ended up just being them haveing a nice dinner(?) Or what ever angels have equivalent and they just have a nice night like old times.

the agony of michael, as he is now, isn’t something easy to describe, but it is something gabriel understands implicitly because of how he once knew him. his fury is terrible, he has given himself entirely to being an angel of divine punishment who has seemingly lost all sense of the love he once held, but gabriel knows, very early into their fight, this isn’t the case whatsoever. it would be better if it was. it would be better if michael was unthinking and driven by instinct now alone. but when gabriel hears his words, when he bears the insults and hatred michael spews at him, when he feels the unforgiving crack of his chains eager to bind him to the floors of hell, he only sees what he has seen a thousand times from michael – words that cope, actions that soothe when his cruel reality can no longer be reconciled with his faith. worse than they’ve ever been, burning out himself and everything he touches, but how could they not be? what else could suffice with what he’s become?

gabriel sees it all, tears threatening to freeze his eyes closed even as he fights for his life against an angel that once may have been more powerful than him. michael is relentlessly tortured, he is screaming out in a litany of unfathomable grief that not a single soul can answer – he is alone in his vile state, calling out in anguish for help that can never come. he must prove he is michael, once the prince of heaven and not just a wretched, rotting corpse that has defiled his memory, has shamed the beautiful, venerated images of when he was whole and divine. he wants none of this, he wants his body back and he wants gabriel with him in heaven, but that’s not his reality. he sees only the fetid meat just the same as a husk of hell, worm-eaten and threadbare. those choices play out over and over as if he is a ghost, how he left them all, how he severed his own light, regrets, mistakes, stupidity, devouring him as surely as the rot consumes his body. and gabriel understands his wrath for what it really is – grief. unspeakable, incomprehensible grief. repentance for his noxious form. bitterness toward all who survived. perfect hatred of the self. he did this. he did this. he did this. his words form like an elegy, the natural, melodic quality of his voice a dirge. he did this.

gabriel knows the affliction he’s reaching out to is unknowable to him, certainly to raphael and uriel in their still pristine state, yet he reaches nonetheless. because he recognizes michael in all his decay, he sees the prince of archangels in his blighted body – not a single other in the whole host of heaven would ever deign to be brought so low for their love, for their service. michael lives on in the body of a martyr, this body that gave itself wholly to god and to all of heaven in an effort to save them. and it’s time to stop. it’s time for it to have peace. it’s had enough, this tortured body and the angel still inside of it, and gabriel needs michael to end this now. there is despair in his voice but there is anger too, that michael still refuses to let go of his cruelty and loathing, his vicious condemnation of the damned that had always driven him to ugly extremes. he must accept his mourning now, accept that he grieves for what he’s done to himself and that it’s not the fault of the sinners; that he still harbors a deep, smothering guilt for what he did to lucifer and that he never wanted to lose him. please, there is no god left for him to tear himself apart for, there is no faith that deserves to have taken so much of him, and he can’t allow his misery to consume any more than it already has. he is still michael, and his body deserves its chance to rest.

michael wouldn’t come down easily, but gabriel’s words cut through all the noise of his own, ringing clear in his ears even if they come in the harsh language of hell. they likely would go to exhaustion, until they have reached the point of collapse, but gabriel won’t allow michael to retreat, to regroup and to hide himself from his eyes. stay, and let them see each other, let gabriel look at him again...because he’s missed him, and he hopes michael felt the same of his absence. he doesn’t care, gabriel’s accustomed to the halls of hell now – whatever michael looks like is nearly immaterial to him aside from the suffering it causes his sibling, only interested in being in his presence again, touching him again (even if now he can’t feel it). and if a good ending is possible, it starts here, with gabriel in all he’s learned from his fall and refusing to see michael as anything other than old angel that’s been worn too thin.

AND as for the little bonus with raphael, i definitely think of something like that happening – raphael is certainly upset with gabriel and went through a period of abandonment after his fall, but ultimately he decides preserving their relationship far outweighs whatever god may have felt about it. it’s. an INSANE feeling for him, to prioritize what he must view as selfish motivations over the order of god’s will, but...he can’t lose gabriel. he refuses. he won’t lose anyone else, not when so much has fallen apart. and when he discovers so little has truly changed about gabriel, he doesn’t see the point in shunning him purely on principle. they are past all that, surviving in a world where they may be living past their time entirely. so gabriel is shocked when all raphael wants is a nice evening with him, to talk about so many things that they lost the time for all those years ago. and he’s okay with it? with gabriel’s state, with his place in hell and how he denies it? to which raphael can finally only shrug, telling him that nothing makes sense anymore really. following the old ways without thought feels meaningless and mindnumbing while making his own choices feels frightening and offensive. but. all he really has is his own heart now, and that heart is with his family wherever they go.

[orpheusilver]

im very sorry for this. but im thinking abt how he mirrors madi as well

[apotelesmaa]

I think the fact that u can just get prescribed ssris without being told about side effects to watch out for and then have your dose raised and suddenly have your mental health absolutely tank is. So funny. Absolutely incapable of feeling emotions to the point where all of my relationships are fucked (unable to feel affection/love) my academic career is fucked (unable to feel any sense of urgency towards assignments/attendance) my Everything Is Fucked (unable to gauge emotional well-being until things are actually hazardous) but at least I also can’t feel the Consuming Despair. Giving zombie realness. Going through the motions pilled. Apathymaxxing.

[batsplat]

if you could change the outcome of any 3 motogp races (the outcome of the championship doesn’t change regardless tho) which ones would you chose?

one of those asks that immediately made me forget every single race I've watched in my life. it's a tough one, especially with the championship thing... I'm gonna add another criterion here and say nothing to do related to injury/death

so... I came up with one quite quickly, then got stuck, then came up with a second and got even more stuck. I'm quite reluctant to change any 'plot-relevant races' in the context of specific careers and rivalries, plus I'm ideologically opposed to stealing any win off a non-alien and giving it to an alien. which then kinda left me?? well. stuck. I don't like these picks but well maybe I'll come up with something better at some point

assen 2018: I simply could not come up with a third race so I'll just throw this one in. dovi + valentino really really should have gotten onto the podium in this race, those were extremely podium-worthy performances, it was such a deeply silly incident between the pair of them that took them out of podium contention. also it's still seen as a classic race and... I don't even begrudge the two beneficiaries for their podium, it's just one where the three best riders that day didn't end up on the podium and I would change that!! I don't even really care that much but also look I had a spot to fill. would've enjoyed the rancid podium vibes, it's what a race of that quality deserved

sepang 2018: just deeply annoying? like, I think it was a super impressive performance, the consistent lap times trick from a 78 year old was very neat, it was cute when jorge did unprompted valentino prop for metronome solidarity reasons, it's one of literally two premier class races where valentino crashed out of the lead so I don't even hold it against him. but... well, that one might have been building to a battle between marc and valentino, and it would've been fun to see that! not least because of location + relationship vibes in 2018. I'd change the result in preventing the crash, don't really care who wins after that point - hey, they can crash each other out if they want. I Just Wanted To See It

styria 2020: bit of a niche one but I remember being pissed off by this so I'm going with it - this should have been mir's win without the bloody red flag. now I'm very sorry that maverick was just having an abysmal time in austria, peace and love to him, I'd probably never step foot in the country again after the eight days he had in that country.... but still, his bike attempting to murder him did ruin what really should've been joan's first win. I'm very defensive of mir's win stats and I was supporting the title bid with zero wins agenda once that looked plausible, but now that he's just gotten stuck on one win for quite a few years... well, again, I do think it's kinda iconic but I'd also let him have two. and back then he wasn't even really looking like a title contender and was still going for his FIRST win.... I was feeling very sorry for him so. there

[weaponizedmoth]

Super tired super burned out but wanting to create so much and yet nothing. Nothing at all. Aaaaa it's driving me nutssssss

[cesarescabinet]

Idk if this is a hot take or not but I don't get The Cure's reputation of being a depressing band when The Smiths' discography is far more uniform in the absolute misery.

[chitaquagirl]

just saw rina sawayama. feeling rly not normal abt it

[fingertipsmp3]

Also I can’t figure out if my life genuinely does suck or I’m just having an existential crisis because my period starts in approximately 48 hours

[bijoumikhawal]

I know not everyone even thinks about Hebitians this way at all but whenever I see a fic where there's like. A mass religious conversion of Cardassians to the Oralian Way (with no discussion of like. This being a minority culture Cardassians actively oppressed that is considered another "people"/nation) I feel so annoyed and baffled. That's not how cultures work, it's not how this dynamic plays out. I know that there's some basis for this in ASIT from Palandine, but Palandine is an aristocratic class Cardassian so when she says "wow I bet Hebitian culture could heal us" you should take that as her overstepping and pedestalizing Hebitians, not as something that makes sense- and Garak is not the best point of connection for good ideas either as he also pedestalizes Hebitians to the point of rejecting a sense of community with him because of his violent past even though no one else agrees with that.

[witherbythesword]

Sometimes i think back to my primary physician at a time discouraging me to go a psychatrist to get mental health meds because "these meds often make you gain weight and you are already overweight" after I disclosed to him I was truely dealing with suicidal ideation. Man really said "As your healthprofessional, I prefer the risk of you killing yourself, over the risk of you gaining weight."

[lunarcry]

cried so much during our happy ending im absolutely exhausted now. writing will wait for another day

anyway moe shousuke ↓